Employee Success Toolkit
Tool #6:
Dealing with Difficult
People at Work
Copyright Harriet Meyerson 2008 • www.ConfidenceCenter.com
Dealing with Difficult People at Work
Types of Difficult People
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Cranky
Aggressive
Sniper
Complainer
Silent
© Harriet Meyerson, 2008 • www.ConfidenceCenter.com
Dealing with Difficult People at Work
“Individuals behave in a difficult manner because
they have learned that doing so keeps others off
balance and incapable of effective action.
Worst of all, they appear immune to all the usual
methods of communication and persuasion
designed to convince them or help them to
change their ways,”
says Robert M. Bramson, Ph.D.,
author of Coping with Difficult People
© Harriet Meyerson, 2008 • www.ConfidenceCenter.com
Dealing with Difficult People at Work
Cranky People
Why are people cranky?
 Some people may be
purposefully cranky because
it helps them get their own
way.
 For others, crankiness is
simply a reflection of their
own inner turmoil.
© Harriet Meyerson, 2008 • www.ConfidenceCenter.com
Dealing with Difficult People at Work
How to Deal with Cranky People
 Try to determine the real message the person
is telling you.
 Are you any part of the problem?
 What can you change about your own
behavior?
 Don’t remain silent. Agree with any part of the
cranky person’s statement that may be true.
 In a neutral tone of voice say,
“Would you please speak to me in a calmer tone of
voice?”
© Harriet Meyerson, 2008 • www.ConfidenceCenter.com
Dealing with Difficult People at Work
Aggressive People
Why are people aggressive?
 Overly aggressive people
expect others to either:
 Run away from them
 React with rage
© Harriet Meyerson, 2008 • www.ConfidenceCenter.com
Dealing with Difficult People at Work
How to Deal with Aggressive People
 Stand up to them, but don’t fight.
 Wait for them to run out of some steam.
 Call the hostile person by name and assert your
own opinions with confidence.
 “Mr. Jones, I disagree with you.”
 “Mary, you interrupted me. We can discuss my
proposal after you listen to it.”
© Harriet Meyerson, 2008 • www.ConfidenceCenter.com
Dealing with Difficult People at Work
Subtle Snipers
 These people are experts in
pot shots and sneak attacks
in subtle ways, such as:
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Humorous put downs
Sarcastic tones of voice
Disapproving looks
Innuendos
© Harriet Meyerson, 2008 • www.ConfidenceCenter.com
Dealing with Difficult People at Work
How to Deal with Subtle Snipers
 Respond to the sniper with a question.
 “That sounds like you’re making fun of me. Are you?”
 “What are you trying to tell me with that look?”
 “Did you really mean what you said?”
 A sniper will usually respond with denial or
volley the responsibility to you.
 “I’m only joking.”
 “You’re so serious. Can’t you take a joke?”
 Speaking up lessens the chance of similar
attacks in the future.
© Harriet Meyerson, 2008 • www.ConfidenceCenter.com
Dealing with Difficult People at Work
Complainers
 These are fearful people
who have little faith in
themselves or others
because they believe in a
hostile world.
 Their constant
discouragement and
complaining can bring
everyone to despair.
© Harriet Meyerson, 2008 • www.ConfidenceCenter.com
Dealing with Difficult People at Work
How to Deal with Complainers
 Don’t try to argue them out of their negativity.
 Respond with your own optimistic
expectations.
 “I think that everything will turn out great.”
 “I am sure we will get done on time.”
© Harriet Meyerson, 2008 • www.ConfidenceCenter.com
Dealing with Difficult People at Work
Silent People
 They are timid people
who, like turtles, retreat
into their shells to avoid
conflict and
responsibility.
 They get away with not
talking because most
people are uncomfortable
with silence and are too
quick to fill in the gaps.
© Harriet Meyerson, 2008 • www.ConfidenceCenter.com
Dealing with Difficult People at Work
How to Deal with Silent People
 Ask them questions that cannot be answered
with just a “yes” or “no”, such as:
 “Would you please help me understand the problem
you are facing?”
 Wait at least one full minute. Then, if the silent
person won’t respond, set another date to
discuss the matter.
© Harriet Meyerson, 2008 • www.ConfidenceCenter.com
Dealing with Difficult People at Work
Don’t
#1
Don’t take the difficult person’s behavior
personally.
 A difficult person’s behavior is
habitual.
 He behaves this way with most
people.
© Harriet Meyerson, 2008 • www.ConfidenceCenter.com
Dealing with Difficult People at Work
Don’t #2
Don’t make excuses for the difficult person’s behavior.
 Think of other people who have
faced adversity and have not
become difficult.
 You lose control when you make
excuses for difficult people.
© Harriet Meyerson, 2008 • www.ConfidenceCenter.com
Dealing with Difficult People at Work
Don’t #3
Don’t fight back.
Don’t try to beat them at their own
game. They have been practicing
their skills for a long time, and you
are a beginner by comparison.
© Harriet Meyerson, 2008 • www.ConfidenceCenter.com
Dealing with Difficult People at Work
Don’t #4
Don’t try to appease them.
It won’t work because difficult
people have an insatiable appetite
for more.
© Harriet Meyerson, 2008 • www.ConfidenceCenter.com
Don’t #5
Dealing with Difficult People at Work
Don’t try to change the difficult person.
 You can’t change other people.
 You can only change your
response to their behavior.
 By changing your responses, they
may decide to change…or they
may not. However, you will feel
better.
© Harriet Meyerson, 2008 • www.ConfidenceCenter.com
Dealing with Difficult People at Work
Keep Practicing
 You will break the
difficult person’s
ability to interfere
with your
effectiveness.
 You will stand up for
yourself in a
compassionate and
respectful manner.
 You will feel more
confident.
 You will be able to
enjoy your workdays.
© Harriet Meyerson, 2008 • www.ConfidenceCenter.com
Dealing with Difficult People at Work
Dealing with Difficult People at Work
Quiz & Discussion Questions
© Harriet Meyerson, 2008 • www.ConfidenceCenter.com
Dealing with Difficult People at Work
Question 1
How can you respond to a
person referred to as a
“sniper”?
© Harriet Meyerson, 2008 • www.ConfidenceCenter.com
Dealing with Difficult People at Work
Question 2
What is the personality type
referred to as “complainers”?
© Harriet Meyerson, 2008 • www.ConfidenceCenter.com
Dealing with Difficult People at Work
Question 3
Why is it difficult to deal with a
silent co-worker?
© Harriet Meyerson, 2008 • www.ConfidenceCenter.com
Dealing with Difficult People at Work
Question 4
How should you deal with a
“cranky” co-worker?
© Harriet Meyerson, 2008 • www.ConfidenceCenter.com
Dealing with Difficult People at Work
Question 5
Name three ways in which you
can deal with difficult people.
© Harriet Meyerson, 2008 • www.ConfidenceCenter.com
Dealing with Difficult People at Work
Set Your Goals
What are your
three main goals
for dealing with difficult
people at work?
© Harriet Meyerson, 2008 • www.ConfidenceCenter.com