Relationships in teams
Teams, Relationship Rooms and Basic Love
The most important question in
team relationships
•
•
•
How much room do I have in my heart
for team members?
The sklerokardia problem Small hard heart
Five most important rooms:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Directness
Continuity
Multiplexity
Parity
Commonality
2
1
4
3
5
Five important relationship rooms
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Directness: Direct face to
face communication
Continuity: Frequency,
regularity and duration
Multiplexity: Contact in ≥ 1
context / role
Parity: good balance of
power / influence
Commonality: Sharing
common purpose / values
What do we often find in these rooms?
1. Directness: gossip; indirect communication;
feeling of distance or alienation
2. Continuity: high staff turnover; irregular
contact; who is that?
3. Multiplexity: only one context  one-sided
knowledge of one another
4. Parity: misuse of power; disrespect
5. Commonality: no shared values; conflicting
purposes
What should we find in the five
Relationship Rooms?
•
1.
2.
3.
4.
BASIC LOVE: Choosing and acting for the
highest good for all parties involved even if it
means making sacrifices
It is a choice
It leads to ethical behaviour
It considers the interests of relevant parties
It places a million euros in the relationship bank
right at the beginning even before the other party
has lifted a finger or given a friendly smile
Directness
Continuity
Parity
4
3
2
1
Multiplexity
Commonality
Relationship
Radar Diagram
Relationship Radar Diagram
• Go through the four questions about each
room
• Count how many times you say YES for
each room
• Enter your score on the Radar Diagram
X
Directness
X
X
Parity
4
Continuity
3
2
1
X
Commonality
X
Multiplexity
Relationship
Radar Diagram
Directness
Continuity
Parity
4
3
2
1
Multiplexity
Commonality
Relationship
Radar Diagram
Test: Directness
1. Do your co-workers think you spend enough
face-to-face time with them in the workplace?
2. Do your co-workers think you are accessible
enough?
3. Do your co-workers think you respond well
when they try to contact you?
4. Do your co-workers think you are a good
listener?
Directness
Continuity
Parity
4
3
2
1
Multiplexity
Commonality
Relationship
Radar Diagram
Test: Continuity
1. Do your co-workers think you make enough effort
to understand their point of view?
2. Do your co-workers think that you have enough
contact with them? (frequency / duration)
3. Do your co-workers think that there is a growth of
trust and understanding in the team?
4. Does your contribution to the team inspire others
to remain on the team?
Directness
Continuity
Parity
4
3
2
1
Multiplexity
Commonality
Relationship
Radar Diagram
Test: Multiplexity
1. Do your co-workers think you know enough
about their total life situation?
2. Do your co-workers think you know enough
about their talents, gifts, skills and
performance in different situations?
3. Do you have both formal and non-formal
contact with your colleagues?
4. Do your colleagues think that you take enough
initiative to build good relationships?
Directness
Continuity
Parity
4
3
2
1
Multiplexity
Commonality
Relationship
Radar Diagram
Test: Parity
1. Do your colleagues think you seek their
participation in decisions that affect
them?
2. Do your colleagues think you give credit
to people for the work they do?
3. Do your colleagues think you share risks
and rewards fairly with them?
4. Do your colleagues think you address
the right topics in the right settings?
Directness
Continuity
Parity
4
3
2
1
Multiplexity
Relationship
Commonality
Radar Diagram
Test: Commonality
1. Do your colleagues think you share the same values
and goals about the work?
2. Do your colleagues think you understand the
organizational culture of your company?
3. Do your colleagues think you are honest about your
ability to make mistakes and that you handle
conflicts well?
4. Do your colleagues think you use the diversity of the
team to promote creativity and collaboration?
How do you fill the five rooms with
basic love?
• By building heart to heart bridges
• How do you do that?
Building the Relationship Bridge
Directness
Continuity
Multiplexity
Parity
Commonality
Serving
Trusting
Knowing
What are you going to do to:
•
•
Build Basic Love bridges?
Make larger the five
relationship rooms in the
workplace?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Directness
Continuity
Multiplexity
Parity
Commonality
Sources
• Schluter, M & Lee, DJ; The R Option;
Relationships Foundation: Cambridge;
ISBN 0-9543879-0-2
• Schluter, M & Lee, DJ; The R Factor;
Relationships Foundation: Cambridge;
ISBN 0-340-58892-6