What makes a good IB Exam essay?

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Russell Quinlan
IB History, TOK Teacher & IB Moderator
MAIS Conference, Tunisia, 7 November 2010, 12:50 – 13:45
rquinlan@acst.intl.tn
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Expected to be 1st year university level writing
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Assessments by teachers & many new
assistant examiners tend to be too lenient
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Require concise, yet, cogent response
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Paper 2 Questions tend to be broad questions
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Need to be unpacked:
 What is it asking the student to do?
 What is it not asking the student to do?
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Does not ask for a comment or reference to
current situation—stay in history
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Demonstration of historical understanding is the
foundation of the essay—not rhetoric, not style, not
imagination
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Structure alone will not achieve upper markbands
 Structure not more important than historical
understanding
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Not a historiographical essay
 Does not necessarily demonstrate historical
understanding
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Inaccurate information is a concern
 Does not subtract points
 Does limit the attainment of markband levels
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Historical understanding v. historical
information
 Not marked on basis of facts
 However, how can historical understanding be
demonstrated with flawed or without historical
knowledge?
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Integrated compare/contrast is best structure
Region by region response is fine:
 Reference subject from other region, i.e. “Stalin
implemented a program of industrialization, as
did Mao, called the Five Year Plans.”
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Response should balance material from each
region
 Avoid 5 paragraphs on Hitler & 2 on Castro
Things to Do
Things to Avoid
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Critique the question to understand what is being asked of you
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Answer based on a few key words, i.e. WW I or Hitler
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Make analysis claims
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Sweeping generalizations
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Use relevant HK to support claims
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One-off pieces of evidence, i.e 1 HK to support a thematic factor, or no
evidence to support claim
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Be specific with evidence, i.e. use ‘petty bourgeoisie’ instead of ‘people,’ be
careful with use of pronouns (too much use brings confusion)
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Assume the reader has prior knowledge, i.e don’t simply state ‘5-Year Plan’
identify it as industrialization
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Consider multiple interpretations, i.e. responsibility for causing WW I
(need not be historiography)
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Metaphors, i.e. ‘put on the map’
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Identify & use relevant HK, evidence that addresses what the question
wants you to do
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Long introductions; go right to the answer unlike in a formal essay that
requires a good intro
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Be comprehensive, i.e. effects of WW I include more than Germany and/or
Europe
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Information beyond the chronological parameters of a question, i.e. info on
rise of leader when questions asks for rule
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Identify cause/effect, themes, significant factors

Rely on historiographical terms as substitute for demonstrated
understanding, i.e. revisionist
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Use thematic structure & integrate HK in thematic manner
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New information in last paragraph
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Answer the Question Asked, not the one
hoped for
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Assume the reader/examiner has no prior
knowledge
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Explain the story: chroniclers tell the story;
historians tell the story & explain why it
happened the way it did
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Write a structured essay
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Thematic approach preferable… but not
necessary to reach higher markbands (mark 1315 level descriptor: “Answers are structured
(either chronologically or thematically) using
relevant evidence to support historical
arguments.”
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Support knowledge claims & analytical
assertions w/reference to specific historical
knowledge
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Be comprehensive: i.e., effects of world wars
more than Germany & more than Europe

Give multiple interpretations—need not be
historiography: e.g. Korean War as both civil
war & limited war

Advise students w/ less developed skills to
answer more specific questions & avoid more
general questions

Assume No Prior Knowledge:
“Russia was expected to take six weeks to mobilize
according to the Schelliffen [sic] Plan
masterminded by Germany to win a two-front
war. It banked on a quick defeat of France by
concentrating German forces on France, and
after defeating them within six weeks, moving
the majority of forces to the Eastern Front to
fight off the Russians who supposedly would
have just mobilized.”
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Thematic Approach:
“Mussolini was able to ascend to his
dictatorship due to the support of the people
and traditional elite, the weakness of his
opposition, his presidential position and the
crisis of Matteotis’s [sic] murder.”
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Support w/Specific HK:
“The containment policy was made as a result of George
Kennan’s Long Telegram, in which Kennan claimed that
the Soviet Union was an aggressive expansionist…
The Long Telegram was written by the United States
Ambassador to the Soviet Union, George Kennan. In his
telegram Kennan described the Soviet Union as
aggressive, oppressive and would take advantage of any
weak links and turmoil in the democratic world to expand
communism. Kennan concluded that though the Soviet
Union seemed strong, in reality America was more
powerful and should actively stand up to the Soviets.
These thoughts developed into the Containment Policy. “
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Explain the Story:
“The German Blockade was set up by Britain to stop Germany from
importing raw materials and war supplies. Germany depended heavily
on raw materials imported from its colonies. Thus the blockade was
one of the deciding factors of Germany’s defeat in WWI. However,
Germany also depended on imports to feed its population. The British
enforced blockade disregarded the survival requirements of the
Germany population and vicariously targeted civilians, it is estimated
that around 750,000 Germans died of starvation caused by the
blockade. It is unlikely that Britain did not anticipate the devastating
results the blockade would have on German civilians so another viable
explanation of the blockade was enforced intentionally to wreck
Germany’s power to continue resistance. This means that World War I
was a total war in which Britain did not differentiate between civilian
and military targets in order to totally destroy Germany.”
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Writing an essay based only on key words
from a question, i.e. Hitler
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Waste time on historical information outside
the boundaries of the question, especially
chronologically

Long introductions—exam essays do not use
same format as formal essays
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Assume reader/examiner knows what is
meant—students responsibility to
demonstrate his/her understanding
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Sweeping generalizations
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Stand alone historical knowledge: i.e.
Austria’s ultimatum to Serbia

Using metaphors—obscures understanding
for this type of essay
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Using historiographical terms without
demonstrating understanding
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New information in the last paragraph
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Sweeping Generalization:
“He [Mao] controlled propaganda and
proscribed what was allowed to be said and
what wasn’t. He therefore also manipulated
the Chinese people into supporting him, since
he made everything sound and look nicer
than what it really was in reality.”
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Stand Alone HK:
“Mao’s ideology was Maoism, also referred to
as Marxist-Leninists. It focused on peasantry
and industrial development.”
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Social & Cultural Questions
Guerilla Warfare
Nature of Warfare (air, naval, technology)
Role & Status of Women
Ideology
Economic Questions
Propaganda Questions
Less Directed Questions (quagmires for
weaker students)
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How to unpack a question
Demand specificity when students speak
Teach thematic approach to writing (no later
than second year of IB)
What is a relevant response
Focus on explaining, analyzing, identify
cause/effect
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