Comment Writing Exercise
Return Examiner Training
How do good comments add value?
Organization
Profile
Application
content
Criteria
The most valuable Comments/Key Themes
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The Structure of Well Written
Comments
Well written comments incorporate criteria
language, ADLI/LeTCI, scoring language, and
application language.
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Well Written Comment Guidelines
Category 1-6
 Does the comment link to the Criteria?
 Does it consist of 2-3 grammatically correct sentences
(about 1000 characters)?
 Does it use examples from the application that illustrate
the OFI/Strength?
 Does it include a so what if it is an OFI?
 Is the statement non-judgmental and non-prescriptive?
 Does the comment link to the scoring guidelines?
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Well Written Comment Guidelines
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Tie your comments to the basic, overall, or multiple level Criteria
requirements that are most important to the applicant.
Write process comments so they contain: a subject identified from
the criteria, the application, or the scoring guidelines; verb(s) and
requirements from the Criteria; examples from the application, and
figure numbers, as appropriate.
Use the evaluation factors (ADLI or LeTCI), and scoring language, to
clearly articulate the areas of the applicant’s response to clarify the
strength or provide insights that will help the applicant improve
overall organizational effectiveness and capabilities.
Draw linkages between an Item and the applicant's Organizational
Profile.
Ensure that the comment does not contradict other comments in the
same or other Items or in the Key Themes Worksheet.
The Style of Well Written Comments
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Use active voice and present tense (e.g., 'completes' rather than 'is
completed').
Use a polite, professional, and positive tone.
Use vocabulary/phrasing from the Criteria and the Scoring
Guidelines.
Describe what is missing if something "is not clear". “Not clear”
comments must be resolved if the applicant has a site visit. If they
don’t do it based on site experience then say they don’t do it.
In lieu of the applicant’s name, use such phrases like "the applicant"
or "the organization" to refer to the applicant in the independent
and consensus scorebooks. Use the applicant's name in final
feedback reports.
Use the applicant's language/terminology when appropriate.
“Don’ts” to avoid in comments
1. Avoid parroting
2. Avoid being prescriptive
3. Avoid going beyond the criteria
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“Do’s” for well-written comments
(refer to comment guideline in workbook)
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Example Strength Comment
• The applicant identifies their core competencies as the
participating dentist network; expert claims administration;
extraordinary customer service and performance culture. A
SWOT analysis is used in the annual strategic planning process
to identify core competencies. Correlation analysis is
performed on satisfaction survey data and is used to
determine key drivers of customer satisfaction. Initiative action
plans accentuate core competency strengths. Deployment is
evidenced by the use of bi-annual CAG meetings, ensuring
alignment with the mission and the integration of data for
easy access across all departments and customer segments
• Red-Criteria Green-ADLI Blue-Application Pink-Key Factor
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Well Written Comments Don’t….
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Go beyond the requirements of the Criteria or assert your personal
opinions.
Be prescriptive by using "could", "should", or "would".
Be judgmental by using terms such as "good", "bad", or "inadequate".
Tell the applicant that they aren’t doing enough of something
Comment on the applicant's style of writing or data presentation.
Use jargon or acronyms unless they are used by the applicant
Only “Parrot” the application or the Criteria. Provide only enough
language to add clarity—seek to add value rather than restate
information.
How Could This Comment Be
Improved?
Application language:
• Share Food uses a biennial 12 step Strategic Planning Process that
involves community leaders, volunteers, member agencies, and donors.
Strategic challenges are identified in the “Current State” step which
includes inputs from the SWOT analysis, environmental scan, and
funding mandate review. The Strategic Planning Process was initiated in
1997 and restructured in 2004 as a result of benchmarking analysis of
food banks and other nonprofit organizations, and feedback from the
state award process.
Comment:
• Share Food uses a biennial 12 step Strategic Planning Process (SPP) that
involves community leaders, volunteers, member agencies, and donors.
Strategic challenges are identified in the Define step which includes
inputs from the SWOT analysis, environmental scan, and funding
mandate review. This is proof that the organization has a great
systematic approach to the SPP and extensive cycles of learning in 1997,
and 2004.
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How Could This Comment Be
Improved?
Application language:
• The manager’s vision helps Our Store to maintain a strong
focus on customer satisfaction. The manager has worked hard
to instill the belief that leadership and responsibility should be
present at all levels. This rewards everyone at Our Store with
the responsibility of planning, carrying out, and evaluating
their own work.
Comment:
• Our Store is in the beginning stages of building an approach to
setting a vision for customer satisfaction, this includes the
manager working very hard to instill the beliefs in leadership
and responsibility. Everyone in the store receives a reward and
this will ensure that everyone will have ownership in the
organization and the ability to evaluate their own work, which
should improve performance overall.
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How Could This Comment Be
Improved?
Application language:
• Our Hospital builds relationships with customers through a variety of
methods including patient enrollment, which serves as an orientation to
enabling services; Patient-Family Advisory Boards, which have
recommended and implemented improvements to patient care; and
high-visibility community health activities. Using patient surveys,
conducted randomly after discharge, Our Hospital determines the issues
that lead to poor relationship results and uses this information to
implement new relationship-building processes. The Patient-Family
Advisory Board is an example of the results of this process.
Comment:
• Customer relationships are built through a variety of methods including
Patient enrollment, Patient-Family Advisory Boards, and community
health activities. Surveys are conducted randomly after patients are
discharged. The Patient-Family Advisory Board is used to determine
issues that lead to poor relationships and implements new relationshipbuilding processes.
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How Could This Comment Be
Improved?
Application language:
• Customer groups are identified annually as part of the Strategic
Planning Process using Our Hospital’s vision/mission/values as a
focus. By analyzing demographic data from multiple sources, the
cross-location Service with Spirit Team (SWST) is able to identify the
gaps, look at disparities, and identify potential customers.
Deployment of this process through multiple cycles has resulted in
the development of several services designed to meet the unmet
needs of customers in the Our Hospital’s service area.
Comment:
• Through the SPP, customer groups are annually identified using the
MVV as a focus. The SWST uses demographic data to identify gaps,
disparities and identify potential customers. This process has been
deployed throughout the organization, and through multiple cycles
of refinement the customers needs in the service area have been
met.
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Well Written OFI Comment Guidelines
– May be used to give credit to the applicant for some areas that
HAVE been addressed
• “While the applicant does x, y, z, it is not evident that a, b,
and c are performed.”
– May begin with a statement about what is missing:
• “There is no evidence that…”
• “There is no indication of how…”
• “It is unclear…”
• “It is not apparent that there is a …”
– Must tie to criteria language, (ADLI), and/or to Key Factors that
the applicant has identified in the Organizational Profile
– Must include a “so what” (Why does the applicant care about
this? Why would they take action?)
• Usually these come from Key Factors / Org Profile. The closer
the ‘so what’ can be to identifying the applicant’s specific
needs, the better.
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Example OFI Comment
• Although cross functional teams are chartered and aligned with the SPP,
there is no indication of processes used by the teams or otherwise by
the applicant to design and innovate its work processes to meet key
requirements. There is no indication of how design and innovation
processes address opportunities for agility and improvements in cycle
time and productivity. It is also unclear how the team work process
improvement approach is evaluated for annual process changes or
improvements. An annual evaluation of strategic team alignment and
improvements may provide efficiency and effectiveness in the
accomplishment of strategic objectives, initiatives, and action plans.
• Red-Criteria Green-ADLI Blue-Application Pink-Key Factor
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How Could This Comment Be
Improved?
Application language:
• Share Food uses a biennial 12 step Strategic Planning Process that
involves community leaders, volunteers, member agencies, and
donors. Strategic challenges are identified in the “Current State”
step which includes inputs from the SWOT analysis, environmental
scan, and funding mandate review. The Strategic Planning Process
was initiated in 1997 and restructured in 2004 as a result of
benchmarking analysis of food banks and other nonprofit
organizations, and feedback from the state award process.
Comment:
• Although Share Food uses a biennial 12 step Strategic Planning
Process (SPP) that involves community leaders, volunteers, member
agencies, and donors, there is no evidence of how blind spots are
identified, nor how time horizons are set and how the SPP addresses
those horizons. If the applicant implemented a more extensive
benchmarking process that identified blind spots and included time
horizons, there may be more of an opportunity for this organization
to have a more successful Strategic Planning Process.
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How Could This Comment Be
Improved?
Application language:
• The manager’s vision helps Our Store to maintain a strong
focus on customer satisfaction. The manager has worked hard
to instill the belief that leadership and responsibility should be
present at all levels. This rewards everyone at Our Store with
the responsibility of planning, carrying out, and evaluating
their own work.
Comment:
• Although the manager has worked hard to instill the belief
that leadership and responsibility should be present at all
levels, there is no indication of a systematic approach, nor is
there deployment at any level, no integration, nor are there
any cycles of learning.
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How Could This Comment Be
Improved?
Application language:
• Our Hospital builds relationships with customers through a variety of
methods including patient enrollment, which serves as an orientation to
enabling services; Patient-Family Advisory Boards, which have
recommended and implemented improvements to patient care; and
high-visibility community health activities. Using patient surveys,
conducted randomly after discharge, Our Hospital determines the issues
that lead to poor relationship results and uses this information to
implement new relationship-building processes. The Patient-Family
Advisory Board is an example of the results of this process.
Comment:
• There is no systematic approach to building customer relationships, or in
conducting patient surveys. And although there is a Patient-Family
Advisory Board there is no approach described for how issues are
determined and how new relationship-building processes are developed.
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How Could This Comment Be
Improved?
Application language:
• Customer groups are identified annually as part of the Strategic
Planning Process using Our Hospital’s vision/mission/values as a
focus. By analyzing demographic data from multiple sources, the
cross-location Service with Spirit Team (SWST) is able to identify the
gaps, look at disparities, and identify potential customers.
Deployment of this process through multiple cycles has resulted in
the development of several services designed to meet the unmet
needs of customers in the Our Hospital’s service area.
Comment:
• Although customer groups are identified annually in the SPP, and the
Spirit Team (SWST) identifies gaps, disparities, and identifies
potential customers, there is no indication how this information is
deployed throughout the organization and how the information is
used to meet the unmet needs of customers in the area.
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