Dealing With
Difficult People
RAY SILVERSTEIN
PRO, PRESIDENT’S ORGANIZATION
SCOTTSDALE, AZ
CHICAGO, IL
INFORMATION RESOURCES
EXPERIENCE, FACILITATION & OBSERVATION OF
WORKING WITH BUSINESS OWNERS IN PEER
ADVISORY BOARDS
“DEALING WITH PEOPLE YOU CAN’T STAND”
Dr. Rick Brinkman & Dr. Rick Kirschner
TTI SUCCESS INSIGHTS
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE 2.0
Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves
Objectives
1. Understand Yourself
2. Understand Others
3. More Productive Workplace
“As charming as we think we are there is someone who can’t stand being
around us!” Dr. Rick Brinkman & Dr. Rick Kirschner
“Personal competence is your ability to stay aware of your emotions and
manage your behavior and tendencies” Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves
MINIMIZE WORKPLACE TRAUMA
• HIRE MORE EFFECTIVELY: VALUES, VISION,
CULTURE AND COMMUNICATION
• EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE: EQ
• PERSONALITY ASSESSMENTS: DiSC AND
OTHER TOOLS
HIRE MORE EFFECTIVELY
• MATCH VALUES
• AGREE ON EXPECTATIONS – DEFINE WHAT
IS A GOOD JOB AND HOW THEIR POSITION
HELPS FULFILL THE CULTURE AND
BUSINESS GOALS
• COMPLEMENT GOOD WORK AND DISCUSS
LEARNING OPPORTUNITY
UNDERSTANDING YOURSELF
“SELF-AWARENESS is not about discovering deep, dark secrets and unconscious
motivations, but rather, it comes from developing a straightforward and honest
understanding of what makes you tick.”
Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Emotional intelligence is your ability to recognize and
understand emotions in yourself and others, and your ability
to use this awareness to manage your behavior and
relationships.
People with average EQ’s out perform people with high IQ’s
70% of the time.
There is No known connection between IQ and EQ. IQ and
Personality are stable over a lifetime.
PERSONAL COMPETENCE =
SELF AWARENESS, SELF MANAGEMENT
SOCIAL COMPETENCE =
SOCIAL AWARENESS, RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT
PERSONAL COMPETENCE
SELF-AWARENESS—Is your ability to accurately perceive your own emotions
in the moment and understand your tendencies across situations. A high
degree of self-awareness requires a willingness to tolerate the discomfort of
focusing on feelings that may be negative.
This is a foundational skill. When you have it, it makes other emotional
intelligence skills much easier to use.
SELF-MANAGEMENT---Is what happens when you act, or do not act. It is
dependent on your self-awareness.
Understanding Others
SOCIAL COMPENTENCE
• SOCIAL-AWARENESS—Is your ability to accurately pick up on
emotions in other people and understand what is really going
on with them. Listening and observing are the most important
element of Social Awareness. This is a foundational skill.
• SELF-MANAGEMENT --- Is what happens when you act or do not
act. Self-Management is your ability to use your awareness of
your emotions to stay flexible and direct your behavior
positively.
• Success comes to those who can put their needs on hold and
manage their tendencies.
“Conflicts at work tend to fester when people passively avoid problems, because
people lack the skills to initiate a direct, yet constructive conversation.”
Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves
Problems are like old sweat socks in a locker. They do not improve with age.
D is for Dominant
• Demanding
• Determined
• Egocentric
• Aggressive
• Driving
• Competitive
• Ambitious
• Decisive
• Pioneering
• Venturesome
• Strong-Willed• Inquisitive
• Forceful
• Responsible
I is for Influence
• Effusive
• Warm
• Inspiring
• Convincing
• Magnetic
• Polished
• Political
• Poised
• Enthusiastic
• Optimistic
• Demonstrative • Trusting
• Persuasive
• Sociable
S is for Steadiness
• Possessive
• Phlegmatic
• Predictable
• Relaxed
• Consistent
• Resistant to Change
• Deliberate
• Non demonstrative
• Steady
• Passive
• Stable
• Patient
C is for Compliance
• Evasive
• Open-Minded
• Worrisome
• Balanced Judgment
• Careful
• Diplomatic
• Dependent
• Systematic
• Cautious
• Neat
• Conventional • Accurate
• Exacting
• Tactful
Representation of Theory
Responses to Conflict
Lens of Understanding
C
D
S
I
D BEHAVIORS
HOSTILE-AGGRESSIVE
BEHAVIORS: GET IT DONE!
“If you need to get it done, you focus on the task
at hand. Any awareness of people is peripheral
or unnecessary to accomplishing the task. You
tend to speed up…, to act…, to assert… You
may even become careless and aggressive.”
D Behaviors
HOSTILE-AGGRESSIVE
BEHAVIORS: GET IT DONE!
• Sniper
• Know-It-All (The Expert)
• Tank
SNIPER
Whether through rude comments, biting sarcasm,
or a well timed roll of the eyes, making you look
foolish is the Sniper’s specialty.
ACTION PLAN
•
•
•
•
STOP, LOOK, BACKTRACK
USE SEARCHIGHT QUESTIONS
GO ON A GRIEVANCE PATROL
SUGGEST A CIVIL FUTURE
D’s Value to the Team
• Bottom line organizer
• Self Starter
• Forward Looking
• Initiates Activity
• Tenacious
• Innovative
• Challenges Status Quo
D’s Limitations
• Task oriented
• Too Direct
• Impatient with others
• Argumentative
• May not listen well
• Take on too many tasks
• Push rather than lead
• Lack tact and diplomacy
• May overstep authority
Lens of Understanding
C
D
S
I
I Behaviors
GET APPRECIATED
“The desire to contribute to others and to
be appreciated for it is one of the most
powerful motivational forces known.”
I Behaviors
GET APPRECIATED
• Exploder (Grenade)
• Think They Know-It-All
• Sniper
Think They Know It All
• The Think-They-Know–It-Alls can’t fool all of the people
all of the time, but they can fool some of the people
enough of the time, and enough of the people all of the
time---all for the sake of getting some
ACTION PLAN
• GIVE THEM A LITTLE ATTENTION
• CLARIFY FOR SPECIFICS
• TELL IT LIKE IT IS
• GIVE THEM A BREAK
• BREAK THE CYCLE
I’s Value to the Organization
• Optimistic and Enthusiasm
• Creative Problem Solving
• Motivates others
• Positive Sense of Humor
• Team Player
• Negotiates Conflict
• Verbalizes and is articulate
I’s Limitations
• Oversell
• Tends to over trust
• Inattentive to detail
• Situational listener
• Impulsive, heart over mind
• Unrealistic expectations of ability to influence others
• Difficulty planning and controlling time
• Under instruct over delegate
• Overly animated when talking
Lens of Understanding
C
D
S
I
S Behaviors
GET ALONGS
“If getting along is your top
priority…, personal desires are less
important than the intent to get
along with another person.”
S Behaviors
GET ALONGS
• Super-Agreeable
• Maybe (Indecisive)
• Yes Person
THE MAYBE PERSON
In a moment of decision, the Maybe Person
procrastinates in the hope that a better choice will
present itself. There comes a point when it is too
little, too late, and the decision makes itself.
ACTION PLAN
• ESTABLISH AND MAINTAIN A COMFORT ZONE
• SURFACE CONFLICTS AND CLARIFY OPTIONS
• USE A DECISION MAKING SYSTEM—BEN FRANKLIN
• REASSURE THEM, AND ENSURE FOLLOW THROUGH
• STRENGTHEN THE RELATIONSHIP
S’s Value to Organization
• Dependable Team Player
• Work hard for a leader and a cause
• Great listener
• Patient and Empathetic
• Calming and stabilizing
• Logical thinker
• Goal oriented
• Builds long term relationships
S’s Limitations
• Takes criticism personally
• Resistant to change
• Need help beginning new assignments
• Has difficulty establishing priorities
• Internalize instead of talking through issues
• Wait for others before beginning projects
• Give a false sense of compliance
• Tough on themselves
• May not project a sense of urgency
Lens of Understanding
C
D
S
I
C Behaviors
GET IT RIGHT
“When getting it right is your highest
priority, you will likely slow things
down enough to see the details…You
may even refuse to take action
because of a particular doubt about
the consequences.”
C Behaviors
GET IT RIGHT
• Complainer (Whiner)
• Negative
• No Person
THE WHINER
Whiners feel helpless and overwhelmed by
an unfair world. Their standard is
perfection, and no one and nothing
measures up to it. But misery loves
company, so they bring their problems to
you. Offering solutions makes you bad
company, so their whining escalates.
ACTION PLAN for THE WHINER
Your Goal: Form a Problem Solving Alliance
• LISTEN FOR THE MAIN POINTS
• INTERRUPT AND GET SPECIFIC
• SHIFT THE FOCUS TO SOLUTIONS
• SHOW THEM THE FUTURE
• DRAW THE LINE
C’s Value to Organization
• Objective Thinker
• Conscientious
• Task oriented
• Digs deeper
• Maintains high standards
• Diplomatic
• Attention to detail
• Expects and explores for clarity
• Respects boundaries
C’s Limitations
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Analysis paralysis
Overly critical
Overly self critical
Lost in the cornflakes
Internalizes feelings
Defensive when questioned
Yield their position to avoid conflict
Hesitant to act without precedent
Tells instead of sells
THE NO PERSON
• More deadly to morale than a
speeding bullet, more powerful
than hope, able to defeat big ideas
with a single syllable.
ACTION PLAN for THE NO PERSON
Your Goal: Transition to Problem Solving
• USE THE WHINER STRATEGY
• USE THEM AS RESOURCES
• BUY SOME TIME
• GO FOR THE POLARITY RESPONSE
• ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR GOOD INTENT
MORE PRODUCTIVE WORKPLACE
Reach a Deeper Understanding
• Communicate more effectively
• Prevent future conflict
• Resolve current conflict before it gets
out of hand
• Closely examine the difficult behavior
until you can see the motive behind it
Assessments to Consider
Strengthen your understanding of others:
• DISC Behaviors: What we do: on teams, as
management, as leaders
• Motivators/Values –
Why we do what we do
• Emotional Intelligence (EQ) –
How we respond
A VERY PRACTICAL VIEW
ORGANIZATIONAL DESTROYER
WHOSE BUSINESS IS IT ANYWAY?
Thank You!
RAY SILVERSTEIN
PRO, PRESIDENT’S ORGANIZATION
SCOTTSDALE, AZ
CHICAGO, IL