The UC
Personal Statement:
The Personal Statement
• Adds clarity, depth and meaning to
information collected in other parts of the
UC application
• Is part of the comprehensive review
process.
Purpose of the Personal Statement
• The UC personal statement is your chance to tell the University
who you are and what is important to you.
• View this as an opportunity. It is an opportunity to introduce
yourself in your own words.
• Take Your Time!!
• Be open. Be reflective. Find your individual voice and express it
honestly.
• UC’s are looking for evidence of your intellectual curiosity and
your interest in personal development.
A Message From UC Faculty
• While it is acceptable to receive feedback or
helpful suggestions, applicants’ personal
statements should reflect their own ideas
and be written by them alone.
• Don’t let a parent write it for you!
• We can tell if it’s not student work…
Instructions
• There are two prompts. Students must respond to BOTH.
• Students respond to both questions.
 A maximum of 1,000 words total
• Students choose length of each response.
 If students choose to respond to one prompt at greater
length, the shorter answer should be no less than 250
words.
Prompt #1
Describe the world you come from — for
example, your family, community or school
— and tell us how your world has shaped
your dreams and aspirations.
• This is about you, so focus on the dreams and
aspirations. Don’t get caught up describing Rocklin.
• This prompt could read - “What are your dreams and
aspirations and what is one thing that influenced them?”
Prompt 1 Tips
•
“World" is a versatile term. What really makes up your "world"? Is it your
team? The local animal shelter? Your grandmother's kitchen table? Your
church? The pages of a book? Someplace where your imagination likes to
wander?
•
Focus on "how." How has your world shaped you? How do you connect
your environment to your identity. Then project forward and imagine your
future.
•
Focus on you. You may have a brother with a disability who perseveres
through life and is an inspiration to you, but remember this is your
application, not his.
•
Avoid the obvious. Thousands of students could write an essay about how
their supportive parents helped them succeed. Make sure your essay is
about you and isn't something that thousands of other students could have
written.
Prompt #2
Tell us about a personal quality, talent,
accomplishment, contribution or experience
that is important to you. What about this quality
or accomplishment makes you proud and how
does it relate to the person you are?
• This prompt could read: “Who are you, and what one thing
are you most proud of that exemplifies who you are
today?”
Prompt 2 Tips
• Consider what makes you proud. Then determine the
experience, quality, accomplishment, etc. That lead to
this.
• How has what you are writing about shaped you as an
individual?
• Negative experience is okay as long as it is not a
complaint or excuse and that something positive was
gained that you are proud of.
• Write about something that is personally significant to
you, not just what you think sounds impressive.
Additional Comments
• Use Additional Comments box for
clarification, expansion on important
details:
 Additional
names/schools/transcript
irregularity
 Visa issue
 Additional exams taken or certificates earned
This is NOT an extension of the Personal Statement.
Important Strategies
• Answer the prompt!!
• Avoid the list.
• Balance pride and humility. Don’t make excuses.
• Reveal your character.
• Get good feedback.
Be Persuasive
• Present your information and ideas in a
focused, deliberate and meaningful
manner. Provide specific, concrete
examples to support your point.
• Your job is to persuade the reader that you
are a creative, ambitious, and unique
individual who will contribute to the
intellectual vitality and cultural life on
campus.
Think Like an Admissions Reader
• Readers are friendly professionals who want to admit
you.
• Readers are looking for answers to questions they
have regarding the application.
• Readers are seasoned professionals who can spot
baloney.
• Readers know nothing about you except what’s on
your application.
• Remember you do not know your readers, so steer
clear of divisive issues such as social issues, religion
and politics.
Tips
• Don’t try to impress. Be sincere and write
in your voice.
• Write to create and share the emotions of
your passion
• Embrace this opportunity for the readers to
“meet” you. You want them to feel as
though they know you.
Caution
•
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No sarcasm
Don’t use offensive language
Be careful with humor
Avoid being “cute” or “perky”
Don’t write about another person!
Remember humility is much more pleasant
that hubris.
Common Pitfalls
FLUFF
I have to admit that theater did not
come naturally to me, and I
remember that felt remarkably selfconscious and nervous the first few
times I set foot on stage. The first
time I was on stage was in the
eighth grade when my best friend
talked me into auditioning for our
school’s performance of the play
Romeo and Juliet by William
Shakespeare.
Better
Theater did not come naturally
to me, and I felt remarkably
self-conscious and nervous the
first few times I set foot on
stage in the eighth grade. My
best friend had talked me into
auditioning for Shakespeare's
Romeo and Juliet.
The length of your essay is limited and you want
your words to be impactful, not filler.
Common Pitfalls
Vague
I like a lot of things about
basketball. For one, the activity
allows me to develop abilities that
will help me in my future
endeavors.
Better
Not only do I find basketball fun,
but the sport has helped me
develop my leadership and
communication skills, as well as
my ability to work with a team. As
a result, my love of basketball will
make me a better business major.
Avoid words like “stuff”, “things”, “aspects”, “society”,
etc.. They leave the reader guessing. Your essay
should answer questions, not create them.
Common Pitfalls
Clichés
My brother is one in a million. If
given a responsibility, he never
falls asleep at the wheel. When
others fail, he is not one to make
a mountain out of a molehill. To
make a long story short,
throughout high school I have
tried to emulate my older brother
and I credit him with many of my
own successes.
Better
Throughout high school, I have
tried to emulate my brother. He
takes his responsibilities seriously,
yet he is generous when dealing
with the shortcomings of others.
This combination of reliability and
graciousness makes others turn to
him for leadership. My own
successes in high school are due
largely to my brother's example.
Clichés diminish the essay's message and reveal
the author's lack of creativity.
Common Pitfalls
Verbose
The game was spectacularly
wonderful. I didn’t score the
defining goal, but I did manage
dexterously to pass the ball to my
amazingly talented teammate
who adroitly kicked it between the
goalie’s desperately reaching
fingers and the rigid frame of the
right-hand corner of the goal.
Better
The game was close. I won't
receive credit for our win, but I did
pass the ball to my teammate who
scored the winning goal. He shot
the ball through the narrow space
between the goalie's hands and
the upper corner of the goal post.
Strong verbs, not adjectives and adverbs, make your essay
come to life. Two or three adjectives or adverbs in every
sentence, are indications of an immature writer who is trying
too hard to impress the reader.
Did you answer questions
or create questions?
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Review your application
Read your statement
Did you create more questions?
Did you answer questions?
Did you show a theme?
Did you demonstrate an ability to
contribute to the vitality of a campus?
Always keep in mind…
• The readers will know nothing about you except what
they will get from your application and your personal
statement.
• It is critical that you read, and reread, your own writing
then ask multiple people for feedback.
• DO NOT attempt to write a story intended to make the
reader feel bad for you. Your goal should not be to try
and gain admissions through pity. Mainly because it will
not work. Your goal is to give the application reviewer
concrete reasons for why they should accept you into
their university.
Last Thing (from UCI)
• Don't stress out trying to write the ultimate
personal statement. There is no single right way
to write a personal statement that will guarantee
your acceptance into a university. There is only
the best personal statement you can write for
yourself. As long as your personal statement
gives a clear and accurate representation of who
you are as a person, then you've accomplished
your task. That is the best personal statement
you can write.
Questions?
atillery@rocklin.k12.ca.us
twirth@rocklin.k12.ca.us