Action for Prisoners’ Families
Families of Older Prisoners Seminar
11 July 2013
Making love last:
Maintaining relationships
with long-term prisoners
Anna Kotova, Centre for Criminology
University of Oxford
Background

Project title: "Making Love Last: Maintaining Intimate
Relationships with Long-term Prisoners" (funded by the
Sir Halley Stewart Trust)

Overview of aims and objectives of project

Overview of methodology

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Overview of the research participants to date (8 indepth semi-structured interviews with partners of longterm prisoners)
QUESTION: What does 'older' mean?
Theme 1: Practical issues

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Practical problems likely to be exacerbated by
long-term nature of the sentence: more so if the
partner (and/or the prisoner himself) are older.
E.g. Anne, despite being in her mid-50s, has to
work full-time (would not have had to
otherwise).
Health problems: Esther's partner needs hip
replacement, prison unhelpful. Sarah suspects
her husband had had a stroke: impact on visits.
Theme 1: Practical issues (con'd)


Life moves on, especially for older prisoners:
family members dying was a key theme in the
interviews so far. The partners had to relay
these sad news.
If older, more likely to have traditional
mentalities/lifestyles: Elizabeth felt lost because
her husband used to guide her and she was not
used to making decisions on her own.
Theme 2: Relationship dimension

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Imprisonment, especially long-term imprisonment,
means a re-shaping of the intimate relationship.
Some of the women did not feel that the lack of
intimacy was a serious problem due to their age ('party
days' over).
Some felt that they could not just walk away from a
relationship they were invested in for a long time.
Sarah: 'You don’t become married to somebody, for 25
years or beyond, and then lose it just that like.'
Esther: 'Part of our success is our age.'
Theme 3: Coping and maturity

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No longer 'young girls' - saw themselves as more
mature. E.g. Mary saw the 'younger girls' as needing
counseling and preparation. Anne refused to see
herself as 'old' - but did see herself as more
mature/'settled'/'content'.
Would a 26-year-old girl want to go to prison every
week? asked Esther. Anne wondered how you would
cope alone with young children, as a young girl.
Participants very reflexive: most spoke at length about
importance of communication.
Theme 4: Worries and concerns

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Isabella's partner 'too old' to work in current prison: she
worries about him sitting in his cell and studying all the
time.
Many felt their health, especially their mental well
being, has been affected by their partners'
imprisonment: e.g. Anne: 'I feel as though I’m suffering
physically...’ Isabella: 'Since my husband’s been in
prison, I’m lucky if I get 3 hours of sleep a night.’
Another participant discussed (very real) fears over
either or both of them dying before her husband's
release.
THANK YOU!
Action for Prisoners’ Families
Families of Older Prisoners Seminar
11 July 2013
www.prisonersfamilies.org.uk