1
Looking Back
and Moving Forward
Toward an Understanding of MotherDaughter and Mother-Son Relationships
Copyright © 2013. SAGE Publications, Incorporated. All rights reserved.
Michelle Miller-Day, Carla L. Fisher,
and Jonathan Stube
E
nvision the following scene. Gathered around a bed in a private hospital room is Ed, a 58-year-old graphic designer, and Amy, a 52-year-old
waitress. Their mother, Bonnie, lies on the bed and Ed and Amy sit with her,
each holding one of her hands. Bonnie has stage 4 pancreatic cancer.
Together they reminisce about their lives together, about special times they
have shared—including meaningful, funny, and even challenging times. For
Ed, what stands out are those times as an adolescent when his mother drove
him from one sporting event to another, cheering in the stands or volunteering service hours at snack bars. “No matter what,” he says, “you were my
No. 1 fan. There wasn’t any single time I recall, but that was important to
me during that time in my life. ” He also recalls the mother-son dance they
shared at his wedding and his feelings of closeness to his mother during that
event. He says, “Everyone was, of course, all misty eyed when we danced,
but all I could see was you, Ma. You were beaming and so happy for me.
1
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2——Widening the Family Circle
I don’t remember the song. I don’t remember anything that we said, but it
was like a gateway moment in my life, where I was transitioning from one
moment to the next. Like ‘I’m leaving you formally, I guess.’”
Amy responds with a chuckle, “I never felt like I left you formally or
informally. We will always be connected whether you are here with me or
not.” She squeezes Bonnie’s hand and asks, “Mom, remember when Shawn
broke up with me when I was 14 and you just held me in your lap while I
cried? You just listened and supported me. I felt very close to you then.” She
adds, “Just like I do now. I’m so glad that I have had the chance to care for
and support you this year since you’ve been sick.”
This fictional scenario highlights a few of the significant moments that
might be experienced in the relational trajectory of children with their
mothers—moments that serve to constitute, reinforce, or redefine family
bonds and relational intimacy. Intimate relationships across the life span are
central to a meaningful life. In short, as Bortz (2010) states, people need
people. The more intimate the connection with others, the more powerful
the effect intimacy has on our lives. Yet, intimacy is not a given in a relationship (Nussbaum, Miller-Day, & Fisher, 2009), not even a mother-child
relationship. No bond, however, is potentially more intimate for such an
extended period of time than the parent-child relationship. In almost every
society across the world, women live longer than men (Wong et al., 2006).
As such, the mother-child relationship may be an individual’s most enduring
personal relationship (Fingerman, 2001b; O’Reilly & Abbey, 2000) over the
life span and—as our fictional scenario above depicts—the mother-child
relationship has the potential to be one of the most meaningful personal
relationships in our lives.
The vast body of research from a number of theoretical perspectives—
feminist (Rich, 1986), child development (Belsky, Rosenberger, & Crnic,
1995), psychoanalytic (Chodorow, 1974), and family systems (Charles,
Frank, Jacobson, & Grossman, 2001)—recognizes the significance of the
mother-child relationship across the life span. This bond has been documented across cultures as lifelong, intimate, and developmentally important
(O’Reilly & Abbey, 2000). Despite the recognition that the mother-child
relationship is consequential for an individual across time, researchers tend
to focus less on the relational trajectories of mothers, sons, and daughters
from childhood into adulthood. In general, relationship researchers tend to
ignore issues related to time (Werner & Baxter, 1994). In the first edition of
this book, however, we focused specifically on the mother-daughter relationship by outlining research on relational dialectics and turning points (Fisher
& Miller-Day, 2006). Since that time, researchers have increased scholarly
emphasis on mother-daughter relationships; however, the same is not true
for scholarly focus on the mother-son relationship, which is unfortunate,
Floyd, K. W., & Morman, M. T. (Eds.). (2013). Widening the family circle : New research on family communication. SAGE
Publications, Incorporated.
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Looking Back and Moving Forward ——3
because just like with daughters, mothers play a vital role in several important developmental issues for their sons. Therefore, to address this limitation,
the current chapter presents an overview of mother-daughter and mother-son relationships across time. First, based on an examination of the pertinent literature, information about mother-daughter and mother-son bonds
are summarized across key developmental periods. Second, we present a
study of sons’ and daughters’ perceptions of meaningful moments in their
mother-child relational trajectories.
Copyright © 2013. SAGE Publications, Incorporated. All rights reserved.
The Story of Mothers, Sons,
and Daughters Across the Life Span
Mother-child relationships have been investigated in most social scientific
disciplines including psychology, sociology, family studies, and communication. Within and across various disciplines, these relationships have been
examined, explained, and measured in a variety of ways, with most research
falling into the category of cross-sectional and variable analytic research,
that is, collecting information at one specific point in time to test a prediction or hypothesis by examining a variable of interest under a number of
different conditions. This approach has resulted in a knowledge base that
does not often “connect the dots” of this relationship across the human life
span and tends to prioritize relational aspects that are observable and measurable. We argue in this chapter that to understand these relationships
more completely, scholars need to tell the relational story across time with
a focus on how individuals experience their bonds as they develop. Toward
that end, a life span relational framework is used to guide our discussion.
This framework emphasizes the self as lived essentially in a relationship
inseparable from dynamic interactions with others (Jordan, 1993) and
seeks to describe subjective interpretations of relational phenomena across
time. While it is beyond the scope of this chapter to present a comprehensive review of the literature across disciplines, we endeavor to provide a
brief snapshot of some relevant studies that addresses mothers,’ sons’, and
daughters’ subjective experiences of their relationship. We organize this
review around the question, what is the story of how mother-child relationships are experienced?
Pregnancy and Infancy
The story begins in utero, with mothers adjusting to their pregnancy.
Spear and Lock in their 2003 review described qualitative investigations
of adolescent pregnancies. These studies revealed a variety of themes
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4——Widening the Family Circle
including pregnancy as a life transition and pregnancy and parenting.
When interpreting pregnancy as a life transition, adolescent mothers
emphasized the role of extended family in their pregnancy, feelings of love
and concern for the baby, depression, feeling overwhelmed, and perceptions of the pregnancy as a rite of passage, an impetus to be more mature,
and as a benchmark for adult status (Clifford & Brykczynski, 1999).
When describing pregnancy and experiences of parenting, many adolescents in these studies expressed a desire to mend the wounds they received
as a child by being good mothers and behaving responsibly, describing the
need to be protective of the child, and to promote the child’s mental health
(Lesser, Anderson, & Koniak-Griffin, 1998), in addition to having something that is truly one’s own. For example, a participant commented,
“Now I have something that is all mine, that belongs to me” (Flanagan,
McGrath, Meyer, & Garcia Coll, 1995, p. 274).
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Childhood
Child development scholars understandably have focused on the influence of maternal parenting on children’s psychological, social, and physical
development. The research story of mothers, sons, and daughters continues
with studies centered on the socialization of gender differences. This research
demonstrates how parents—particularly mothers—communicate gendered
ways of behaving to their young children (Maccoby & Jacklin, 1974).
Findings suggest that mothers offer differential treatment to sons and daughters that convey gendered rather than androgynous social expectations. For
daughters, mothers tend to be more verbal than with sons, using more supportive speech that express approval, praise, and collaboration (Leaper &
Smith, 2004). Still, much of this work has focused on behavioral cues and
not on experiences of the relationship.
According to Oppenheim, Emde, and Warren (1997), beginning in the
1990s, a newfound interest emerged among child development scholars to
investigate children’s perceptions of parent-child relationships. One
approach to studying preschool children’s perceptions of this bond was to
collect and analyze the narratives the children told during play as “windows
into their thoughts and feelings” (p. 127). In Oppenheim et al.’s (1997)
research they described positive, negative, and disciplinary representations
of mothers using 200 narratives documented from 51 five-year-old children.
Labels of positive representations of mothers included protector, affectionate, caregiver, helpful, and forgiving, whereas labels for negative representations included verbally abusive, physically abusive, and bizarre/atypical
(e.g., “mother goes to sleep and never wakes up”). Finally, disciplinary
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Looking Back and Moving Forward ——5
representations characterized mother as one who rewards good behavior
and punishes bad behavior. Interestingly, this study did not examine gender
differences between sons and daughters.
Unfortunately, communication scholars appear to have a lack of interest
in investigating children’s perceptions of their communicative or relational
world. In their content analysis of top-tier communication journals, MillerDay, Pezalla, and Chesnut (2013) reported less than 4% of published articles
include data directly collected from children, a finding that supports a previous claim that children occupy a marginal status in the field of human
communication studies (Socha & Yingling, 2010). Young children’s experiences of kin bonds and how they communicate within parent-child relationships is virtually absent in the communication literature.
Copyright © 2013. SAGE Publications, Incorporated. All rights reserved.
Adolescence
As sons and daughters move into adolescence, the story begins to become
more complex. Although research on adolescent experiences of mother-child
relationships in the field of communication is limited, social scientists have
focused on mother-child conflict and intimacy disturbances. For example,
conflict and intimacy disturbances in mother-child relationships are associated with myriad psychosocial issues for adolescents, including the onset of
suicidal ideation (Miller & Day, 2002), depression (Hammen & Brennan,
2001), disordered eating behaviors (Miller-Day & Davis, 2006; Miller-Day
& Fisher, 2008), aggression (McFadyen-Ketchum, Bates, Dodge, & Pettit,
1996), and risk-taking behaviors (Morrongiello & Hogg, 2004). Furthermore,
much of the research comparing mothers to fathers suggests that sons and
daughters are more likely to confide in mothers regarding issues pertaining
to sexuality (Afifi, Joseph, & Aldeis, 2008) and substance use (Miller-Day
& Dodd, 2004), with adolescents feeling closer to mothers (Buhrmester &
Furman, 1987), having more frequent interactions with mothers (Larson
& Richards, 1994), and participating in more self-disclosure with mothers
than with fathers (Mathews, Derlega, & Morrow, 2006). On the other hand,
and likely due to higher levels of involvement and interaction with mothers,
adolescent sons experience higher levels of conflict with their mothers than
with their fathers (Matthews, Woodall, Kenyon, & Jacob, 1996).
Qualitative investigations of mother-adolescent relationships in particular
reflect an increased emphasis on the agency of adolescents in relational interaction, examining the adolescent’s role in interpreting, evaluating, and
accepting or rejecting messages from parents (Parkin & Kuczynski, 2012). A
study by Grusec and Goodnow (1994) noted that adolescents perceived their
active role in establishing a relational culture, articulating awareness that
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6——Widening the Family Circle
household rules and guidelines for behavior in the bond are co-constructed
relationally with mothers rather than individually asserted. This increased
perspective-taking ability and participation in mutual construction of the
relationship seems to increase during the high school years (Woehrle, 1993).
As the relational mother-adolescent story unfolds in the research literature, an important storyline related to social support emerges. While this
literature is growing, Trees (2002) pointed out that the role of social support
in parent-adolescent relationships merits more attention. Adolescents with
behavioral and emotional problems are more likely to perceive their families
as unsupportive (Garneski & Diekstra, 1996), emphasizing the importance
of parents providing quality social support (e.g., emotional, instrumental,
informational support) for adolescents. Results revealed that mothers are
perceived to be a particularly important source of support for youth (Hunter
& Youniss, 1982), with both sons and daughters sharing similar assumptions regarding the importance of support and what constitutes effective
support (Kunkel & Burleson, 1999). Yet, a review of the gender and support
literature suggests that women are somewhat more likely to report seeking,
receiving, and providing support (in particular emotional support) than men
(Trees, 2002). Given this, daughters and mothers alike might consider seeking, receiving, and providing emotional support as consequential to the
mother-child relationship.
The interpretations mothers and adolescents create about the support
they receive from one another is also an important facet of social support.
Regardless of a sender’s intent, if a message is not interpreted as supportive,
then—at best—the message will be ignored and—at worst—it can cause
relational damage (Timko & Moos, 1996). Burleson, Albrecht, and Sarason
(1994) called for researchers to study social support from a communication
perspective, defining this as “studying the messages through which people
both seek and express support; studying the interactions in which supportive
messages are produced and interpreted; and studying the relationships that
are created by and contextualize the supportive interactions in which people
engage” (p. xviii). This research approach emphasizes the importance of
evaluating how supportive messages are interpreted or perceived by relational partners rather than simply focusing on whether or not support is
present in the relationship.
In the social scientific literature, some scholars and scientists are beginning to focus on mother-adolescent communication about sex and other
health issues, but this research primarily addresses mother-daughter relationships. Mauras, Grolnick, and Friendly (2012) and Usher-Seriki, SmithBynum, and Callands (2008) explored how mothers communicated with
their adolescent daughters about sex. Mother-child communication has been
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Looking Back and Moving Forward ——7
consistently acknowledged as important in affecting adolescent sexual
behavior (Bersamin, Walker, Fisher, & Grube, 2006). However, the majority
of studies exploring mother-child communication and adolescent risky
behaviors have defined communication as the presence or absence of talk
related to sex. This focus, in effect, ignores how parents and children communicate, the interpretations of those messages, and the implications of that
talk for the parent-child bond (Mauras, Grolnick, & Friendly, 2012; MillerDay & Dodd, 2004). A lack of focus on the messages in parent-child talk
(rather than just presence/absence of talk) is consequential because, as Social
Cognitive Theory (Bandura, 1986) suggests, influential role models, such as
parents, may influence adolescents’ risky behaviors by shaping cognitive
expectancies and attitudes and establishing norms of behavior. Investigating
the messages parents create to influence their offspring’s choices is necessary
to understand how these cognitive expectancies are shaped and norms
instantiated. For example, as Miller-Day and Kam (2010) discovered in their
study of parent-child discussions about alcohol, parent-child communication
including targeted messages about expectancies and norms surrounding
youth alcohol use was the only type of parent-child communication that
significantly predicted decreased alcohol use and fewer positive expectancies, when compared with the impact of frequency of discussions about
alcohol use alone or general openness of the parent-child relationship.
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Adulthood
Compared to other life cycle stages, mother-child relationships in
mid-adulthood are perhaps the least studied. Until the mid-1990s, much of
the mother-child relationship research in adulthood addressed two developmental time periods: when the child transitioned out of the household
(e.g., college transitions, empty-nest syndrome) (Aquilino, 1997) and when
the mother was elderly and needed a caregiver (Sheehan & Donorfio,
2002). This lack of research attention to the period of time in-between a
son’s or daughter’s emerging adulthood and a mother’s infirmity created an
unfortunate gap.
When a person moves into adulthood, the mother-child bond experiences
a significant relational shift. This shift is influenced by notable individual
changes each partner may encounter, including renegotiating one’s personal
identity, falling in love, and becoming a mother or father (Fisher & MillerDay, 2006). A daughter’s transition into adulthood, in particular, seems to
be a defining moment in a mother-child relationship. This provides an
opportunity for daughters to develop a personal, increasingly egalitarian
female friendship bond with their mothers (Fisher, 2004; Miller-Day, 2004).
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8——Widening the Family Circle
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Fischer (1986) found that a daughter’s marriage and motherhood increased
her desire for closeness and continuity with her own mother but also
changed her status from child to that in an adult-adult relationship, from
role-complement to role-colleague (as mother-mother). Fingerman (2001a)
concluded that as daughters move through young adulthood, their dependency needs generally diminish and, in complementary fashion, the primacy
of their mothers’ nurturing role may lessen. During this period of time,
daughters tend to separate from mothers physically and in terms of beliefs
and behaviors, while remaining emotionally connected. The mother-daughter
relationship may take the backseat to daughters investing in the development of a larger network of personal relationships (Fingerman, 2001b).
However, Miller-Day (2004) discovered that when mother-daughter relationships in adulthood are enmeshed (i.e., a high degree of connectedness
with demands for consensus), mothers perceived this process of separation
and differentiation as threatening to the bond and required the daughter’s
deference. Conversely, mothers in mother-daughter relationships in adulthood that were connected, but not overly so, perceived a daughter’s differentiation as normal, offering no particular threat to their bond. The Theory
of Necessary Convergence explains how chronic deference to dominant
maternal figures across time can increase women’s risk for both internalizing and externalizing problems. Recent tests of that theory provided evidence that convergence communication, defined as a communication
pattern that compels submissive relational partners to interpret the world
around them in ways consistent with dominant partners (Miller-Day &
Walker-Jackson, 2012), was related to women’s disordered eating behaviors
(Miller-Day & Fisher, 2008), depression and aggression (Miller-Day &
Walker, 2012), and suicidality (Walker & Miller-Day, 2011).
Later Life
As mothers enter later adulthood, their connection with their sons and
daughters can involve another notable change—one fraught with power
shifts that can both challenge and enhance the relationship. This is particularly important when a child becomes the mother’s caregiver late in life.
While sons do sometimes provide care to aging mothers, the primary responsibility for informal caregiving has historically fallen on women (Pecchioni
& Nussbaum, 2001). Fingerman (2001b) noted that even though middleaged daughters felt closer to their elderly mothers because their goals
were more in accord, even the best relationships experienced some conflict
when adult daughters assumed the caregiver role. Fischer (1986) described
this experience as “mutual mothering” and described a relational shift of
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Looking Back and Moving Forward ——9
increased dependence rather than independence (p. 58). While this transition
is a time of more shared concerns and maturity, this period also encompasses
challenges as dependence and independence are renegotiated for the mother
and daughter (Baltes, 1996; Fingerman, 2001a; Morgan & Hummert,
2000). Though the mother-daughter relationship is not always agreeable and
loving during this transition, daughters do tend to feel and maintain a sense
of responsibility for their aging mothers (Fischer, 1986). Both women may
even change their behavior to maintain acceptance and tolerance (Sheehan
& Donorfio, 2002). And as Fingerman (2001b) has demonstrated, mothers
and daughters often become the most skilled family members at managing
relational conflict, which likely aids them in managing this transition.
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Across the Life Span
Most closely aligned with the goals of representing mother-child connections across time and describing how individuals experienced their relationships are those studies employing the critical incident technique or
conducting turning point analyses. Specifically, the critical incident technique
(CIT) is a methodological approach that asks participants to identify significant, important moments in their lives and provide a description of their
interpretations of those moments (Morman & Whitely, 2012). CIT relies
heavily on qualitative interview or observational data to determine turning
points (TPs) that are critical to or are important aspects of an activity, process, or relationship (Flanagan, 1954). The overarching objective with this
methodology is to identify and describe what the participants believe are
those important TPs of the phenomenon under investigation. Similar to CIT
is turning point analysis (TPA). TPA strives not only to identify and describe
important TPs that comprise the phenomenon under investigation, but to
calculate the resulting “degree of change” perceived from each event—each
TP. Across the life span, multiple points of change occur that transform a
relationship and its individual members (Nussbaum et al., 2009). Hence,
studies of relational change across time and the relational adjustments made
as a result of those changes provide insight into how relationships are constructed, maintained, and redefined across the life course.
Most recently, Morman and Whitely (2012) employed CIT to study
changes in closeness in adult mother-son relationships. This is one of the only
studies we are aware of that provides insight into the experience of the mother-son relationship across time. Morman and Whitely argued that by investigating changes in closeness scholars may gain insight into the mechanisms
that influence perceptions of relational change. In these authors’ study, the
critical incidents sons perceived as affecting mother-son closeness included
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10——Widening the Family Circle
the provision or receipt of social support, a family crisis, physical distance
from one another, son maturing, parents’ divorce, and mother-son conflict.
The critical incidents reported by mothers included the same as sons, with the
addition of three incidents: son going to college, son getting married, and son
becoming a father. This overlap of findings was particularly interesting given
that the participating mothers and sons were not related, providing evidence
that “these events appear to be truly significant experiences independent
from some type of shared sense of family history” (p. 35). Additionally, the
findings in this study indicated that mother-son social support is a two-way,
interactive process with support being both expressed and received within
the context of the relationship and that sons tended to seek support primarily from mothers prior to involvement in romantic relationships or marriage.
In contrast to research studying mother-son TPs, both Fisher (2004, 2008,
forthcoming) and Miller-Day (2004) have examined mother-adult daughter
relational TPs. Fisher (2008, forthcoming) explored a breast cancer diagnosis as a TP in the mother-daughter bond. These mothers and daughters covered the spectrum of adulthood including young adult, midlife, and later
adult women. The mothers and daughters in this study tended to story breast
cancer as a relational TP in and of itself, with mothers and daughters managing stressful changes such as starting various treatments, losing one’s hair
or breast, waiting for test results, or experiencing milestones such as ending
treatment. At the same time, life did not stop for these mothers and daughters, and “normative” TPs like a daughter graduating college or going on a
family vacation were important changes in the midst of dealing with breast
cancer. Miller-Day (2004) identified many of the more normative TPs in the
mother-daughter relationship. In this study she identified landmark TPs in
women’s life course development such as puberty and marriage that necessitated redefinition for the mother-daughter relationship. Other relational TPs
included changes in proximity: that is, increased or decreased distance such
as moving to another town or going off to college or moving back home,
expectation violations either positively (e.g., did a favor for her when it was
not expected) or negatively (e.g., did not provide expected support), filial
comprehending or comprehending one’s mother as a unique individual, as a
woman with needs and dreams, and not just as her role as mother, and caregiving. Health crises can occur during any time, but some of the more consequential examples were providing care for an elderly mother. During that
time, as illustrated in the story at the start of this chapter, both adult children
and mothers take stock of their lives and their relationship, recalibrating the
system to include the probability of death.
By learning more about significant points of change in the mother-daughter
and mother-son relationship, daughters and sons can look forward to future
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Looking Back and Moving Forward ——11
events that may likely shape our maternal relationships in new ways.
Research efforts in the field of communication are just beginning to examine
life span trajectories of relationships. This previous research suggests that
sons and daughters share similar critical moments in their relational lives
with mothers. As indicated in Morman and Whitely (2012), Miller-Day
(2004), and Fisher (2004, 2008), both sons and daughters seem to report the
following similar critical moments in their relationship with mothers: receipt
and provision of support, mother-child conflict, family crises, changes in
proximity, child’s transition into adulthood, marriage, and becoming a parent. Conversely, only daughters seem to report shared activities (e.g., going
on a vacation together), expectancy violations, filial comprehending, and
caregiving.
More research is needed, however, because so few investigations of mothers and sons across the life span exist. Moreover, beyond the assumption that
transitions such as going to college, a child’s marriage, or the child becoming
a parent occur in the developmental period of adulthood, the research is not
clear if other transformation points in a relationship’s history are specific to
any specific developmental period. Thus, to further pursue this line of investigation and extend previous research on transformational moments in
mother-child relationships, we sought to investigate the following research
questions in a sample of college students, ages 18–25.
RQ No. 1: What mother-child turning points do sons and daughters identify?
RQ No. 2: What differences, if any, exist between sons’ and daughters’ turning
points?
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RQ No. 3: What, if any, turning points occur during specific developmental periods?
Study Methods
Participants
Three hundred and twenty-one sons (N = 130) and daughters (N = 186)
volunteered to participate in the study. Five students did not identify their
sex and these data were omitted from the current analysis. In compliance
with human subject procedures, participants were recruited through a general education public-speaking course at a mid-Atlantic university.
Participants received 2% extra course credit for their participation. To
examine developmental periods prior to adulthood, a college-aged population was deemed appropriate to provide retrospective reports. The ages
reflected the composition of the general education course population
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12——Widening the Family Circle
including two age groupings 18–20 (N = 242) and 21–25 (N = 79).
Participants answered the study questions about biological mothers
(N = 311), adoptive mothers (N = 5), and a stepmother (N = 1), with some
not reporting the relationship (N = 4).
Data Collection
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To address the research questions, participants were directed to a webbased survey informing them that the purpose of the research was to “better
understand significant moments in mother-son and mother-daughter relationships.” After providing consent for participation they were directed to a
web page containing the survey questions.
The first task participants were asked to complete was to “think about
and then list 2 to 7 memorable moments in your lifetime that have either
increased or decreased your feelings of emotional closeness with your
mother. These will be referred to as ‘turning points’ in your relationship.”
Then, for each of the TPs listed, participants were asked to (a) enter a
description of that experience, (b) rate their “felt level of closeness to your
mother at that time” on a scale from 1 to 7 (1 = complete distance, 7 = complete closeness), (c) assess how they would rate their feelings about their
moms during this time on a scale from 1 to 5 (1 = very negative, 4 = very
positive), and (d) indicate their approximate age at the time of the event. For
each TP, text boxes were provided for participants to communicate detailed
responses for the following questions: What made this turning point a memorable moment in your relationship? How did this turning point impact
your communication with your mother?
Data Analysis
The unit of analysis was each turning point (TP) in the mother-child relationship. Across the 321 participants, some listed their demographic information with no information about TPs (N = 30), most entered one TP
(N = 290) or two TPs (N = 270), with some entering three (N = 92), four
(N = 36), five (N = 10), or six TPs (N = 4). Overall, participants identified a
total of 702 TPs. The primary task in our data analysis was to develop a
categorization of the TPs reported by participants. To do this, qualitative
content coding was completed with the open-ended data.
Analytic induction was employed to compare and contrast each TP to
determine its categorization. Inductive coding was used to categorize each
TP into one of the a-priori categories or identify novel categories (Tracy,
2013). Once a codebook was established with all category codes, a co-analyst
coded a random selection of 10% of the TPs and intercoder agreement was
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Looking Back and Moving Forward ——13
calculated and deemed acceptable using Krippendorf’s Alpha coefficient
(.94). We determined that we had reached our goal of data saturation after
coding the responses of 125 participants (daughters = 62; sons = 63), representing 313 total TPs; that is, no new categories of information were added
after 300 coded TPs, but we coded an additional 13 TPs for confirmation.
Finally, quantitative data (e.g., perceptions of closeness) were imported into
SPSS, a statistical program, for analysis.
Results
In an effort to extend previous research on transformational moments
in the mother-child relationship across developmental periods we sought to
address a number of research questions. For the first question, “what
mother-child turning points do sons and daughters identify?” we categorized all of the turning points that participants described into either an
existing category derived from the research literature or developed a new
category for any event that was unique. Table 1.1 lists the categories of TPs
identified by sons and daughters, along with the number of TPs reported
in each category.
Given the ages of the participants 18–25, we were not surprised that two
of the a-priori TPs identified in previous studies were not identified in this
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Table 1.1 Turning Points in the Mother-Child Relationship
Receipt and provision of support
Transition to adulthood (including
entering college)
Family crisis (including divorce and
health crises)
Mother-child conflict
Shared activities (including family
vacations)
Proximity (does not including moving
away to college)
Caregiving
Filial comprehending
Emotional distance
Judgment/criticism
Number of TPs
reported by sons
Number of TPs
reported by
daughters
78
16
73
22
18
22
7
10
16
18
3
5
2
4
6
2
5
4
12
9
Note. Participants reported more than one event. Shaded rows are novel TPs not previously
identified in the research literature.
Floyd, K. W., & Morman, M. T. (Eds.). (2013). Widening the family circle : New research on family communication. SAGE
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14——Widening the Family Circle
study: marriage and child becoming a parent. Although mentions of expectancy violations occurred in these data, this TP fit better conceptually with
other categories of TPs.
We also asked, “Are there differences between sons’ and daughters’ turning points?” and discovered significant differences between sons and
daughters in two TPs. Daughters reported the following as more consequential to the mother-child relationship than did sons: mother-child conflict (X2 [1, N = 125] = 4.16, p = .04) and receiving maternal judgment or
criticism (X2 [1, N = 121] = 4.81, p = .02). Yet, the most intriguing finding
was the degree of similarity, rather than difference, across sons’ and daughters’ responses.
The final question was, “What, if any, turning points occur during
specific developmental periods?” To define developmental period, we
referred to guidelines provided by Kaufmann (1994). Infancy was defined
as between birth and not yet 1 year old; toddlerhood as 1 to 2 years of
age; preschool as 3 to 4 years of age; childhood as 5 until 11 years of age;
adolescence and teen as 12 until 17 years of age, and emerging adulthood,
18–25. TPs in infancy through childhood were largely categorized as supportive TPs (“She would be there all the time and give me good ideas of
games to play”) and shared activities (“After the dentist, my mom would
always take us to eat Chinese food”), although several individuals noted
a family crisis (“my parents’ divorce”). The majority of the TPs—or perhaps the TPs proximal in memory—occurred in adolescence and young
adulthood. As reflected in Table 1.1, the TPs were times when the adolescent received support (“On the night of graduation, my mom cried and
said she was so proud of me and all my accomplishments”) or provided
support to their mother (“I just listen to her and help her with her problems”), followed by family crises (“my dad died”), caregiving (“I was
really sick, and she stayed home from work with me the entire time”),
and shared activities (“My mom and I would walk about a mile and a
half around my neighborhood in the mornings”). But exclusive to the
developmental period of adolescence and emerging adulthood were
reports of mother-child conflict, stories of moving away and moving
back, filial comprehending, feelings of judgment and criticism, and emotional distance. Moreover, due to the study sample (college students), the
transition to college—whether the transition involved geographic distance or not—was one of the most consequential TPs for these participants in assessing closeness with their mothers. Nearly all indicated that
the transition made them feel closer to their mother, appreciate her more,
and that they talked more frequently with her since moving away to college. As one participant stated, “We talk more and argue less!” In this
Floyd, K. W., & Morman, M. T. (Eds.). (2013). Widening the family circle : New research on family communication. SAGE
Publications, Incorporated.
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Looking Back and Moving Forward ——15
sample, nearly one third of the respondents who mentioned the transition
to college as consequential reported talking with their mother daily.
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Discussion and Summary of the Study Findings
Sons and daughters in this study, who were all situated in the developmental period of emerging adulthood (Arnett, 2000), shared similar TPs in
their maternal relationships and indicated notable similarities in their relational trajectories. With the exception of family crises, for both sons and
daughters, most TPs from childhood involved positively valenced episodes of
receiving or providing support; while in adolescence and emerging adulthood, positive TPs (e.g., shared activities) were balanced with more reports
of negatively valenced TPs (e.g., mother-child conflict). Yet, while there were
many similarities across sons’ and daughters’ reported TPs, these reports did
differ in some aspects.
Daughters reported more maternal conflict as consequential to their
relationship. This is in line with previous research on the mother-daughter
bond suggests that adolescence can be a particularly tumultuous time
period for both mother and daughter as conflict increases. This rise in
conflict is connected to a notable relational shift as both renegotiate the
dialectical challenge of being separate but also connected (La Sorsa &
Fodor, 1990). Thus, for emerging-adult daughters then, conflict may still
be a fresh, emotionally charged communicative encounter, as both mother
and daughter manage the connectedness-separation or independencedependence tension in their bond—a challenge that will exist across the
entirety of their relationships but one that is likely most prominent from
late adolescence through young adulthood. At the same time, becoming
an independent adult is a critical developmental task in emerging and
young adulthood (Arnett, 2000). Daughters in our study more often than
sons reported criticism and emotional distance from their mothers as
turning points (two transitions that are also new to the mother-adult
child story), which may be linked to daughters’ need for maternal acceptance and connection as they seek to become independent adults during
emerging adulthood.
For sons, we found the finding interesting that more than half (53%) of
the turning points identified were in the Receipt and Provision of Support
category. Female participants also reported a large percentage of TPs in this
category, but not as high (39%). It is interesting to note this difference, as
well as sons’ perceptions that conflicts with mothers, including emotional
distance or criticism, were not as consequential to the relationship as they
were for daughters.
Floyd, K. W., & Morman, M. T. (Eds.). (2013). Widening the family circle : New research on family communication. SAGE
Publications, Incorporated.
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16——Widening the Family Circle
Finally, given the significance of the developmental period of emerging
adulthood (Arnett, 2000), it was striking that both sons and daughters
reported the transition from home to college as a significant TP for the
mother-child relationship. According to Arnett, the developmental period
known as “emerging adulthood” is distinguished by independence or by a
forgoing of dependence of adolescence, as well as open and expansive exploration of life’s possibilities, as responsibilities grow but are not yet necessarily a constant. The transition to college is often framed as a movement
toward individual independence and away from parent-child relationships
(Bryde & Milburn, 1990), yet these data suggest that this transition brought
almost all of the sons and daughters in this study closer to their mother.
Despite some societal views that emphasize autonomy, there is other evidence that increased closeness and security of attachment to parents are
positively associated with student adjustment (Rice, FitzGerald, Whaley, &
Gibbs, 1995). Hence, as students feel increasing close with mothers as they
transition to college, this relational state might be used to leverage maternal
support of students to prevent depression or academic attrition or, perhaps,
to leverage maternal influence on college students’ behaviors, such as health
interventions designed to target binge drinking.
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Continuing the Research Story of Mother-Child
Relationships
The literature to date, as reviewed in this chapter, tells a research story of
mothers, sons, and daughters. The story is well developed in some stages of
development and not as well developed in other stages. There is still a need
for more information about adult mother-child relationships, mother-son
relationships in particular, so that practitioners and scholars can understand
how to best leverage the strengths of this relationship type to benefit individuals and families.
The study reported in this chapter revealed TPs that college students perceived to impact the mother-child relationship across time and why these
TPs were meaningful to them. While there were more similarities than differences between sons and daughters, the differences revealed provide insight
into how and why the TPs facilitated bonding/attachment, intimacy, as well
as what may threaten these relational changes for sons in comparison to
daughters. Essentially, sons and daughters sometimes extrapolate different
meanings from their encounters with similar TPs in their mother-child bond.
As such, gender is an important influential factor in understanding familial
Floyd, K. W., & Morman, M. T. (Eds.). (2013). Widening the family circle : New research on family communication. SAGE
Publications, Incorporated.
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Looking Back and Moving Forward ——17
bonding across time. The slight differences we found between sons and
daughters in this study might help future scholars more closely examine the
different meanings sons and daughters can attach to similar TPs.
In conclusion to this chapter, the authors suggest that future research
could examine the nature of mother-son and mother-daughter support
more completely. It is unclear if men and women receive support from their
mothers differently and what this support entails. We wonder, do differences exist in the kind of support that mothers offer daughters compared
to sons? Do sons and daughters report of the meaning of their mother’s
support differently? Why might sons receive support differently than
daughters? Finally, how do these support TPs affect closeness and communication for sons and daughters? While these possible questions are possibilities for future research, this chapter is concluded with the following
questions for discussion.
Discussion Questions
1. Considering changing societal trends, patterns, or norms in family structures or what we define as the “modern family,” what other types of
mother-child bonds do we still not prioritize in understanding familial
ties and experiences and, as such, warrant attention?
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2. How does culture (e.g., race, ethnicity, religion, socioeconomic status)
play a role in parent-child relational development?
3. Consider your relationship with your maternal figure. What turning
points do you identify? Do they fit into any of the categories mentioned
in this chapter? How might understanding your own turning points and
those mentioned above benefit you in your personal life? In your future
parenting?
4. Consider the suggestion that mothers be leveraged to provide additional
influence in the prevention of college student binge drinking. Do you
think Mom’s influence would make a difference in this situation?
Floyd, K. W., & Morman, M. T. (Eds.). (2013). Widening the family circle : New research on family communication. SAGE
Publications, Incorporated.
Created from suu-ebooks on 2025-01-18 03:25:40.