Chapter Seven
The Creative Life
/J ompared to life as we know it on Earth, some physical
\. ,; planets are like fantasylands. Life on Venus probably
seems even more fantastic and unbelievable because there
is the added dimension of being on the Astral Plane of
reality and being.
If you can imagine how difficult it would be to under­
stand life on Earth from reading one book, then you will
realize how difficult it is to understand life on Venus and
the Astral Plane in reading only this autobiography.
One way of looking at our transition to the astral is to
think of it as our good Karma. Because we learned to live
in harmony rather than conflict and war during our negative
Iron Age, we were raised to enjoy our culture on a more
beautiful level until the beginning of the next Golden Age
at our physical level.
Venus (astral) has exactly the same cities and landscapes
as the physical planet had at the time of the Great Transi­
tion. The temples ofTeutonia had been designed and built
while the city was physical, by the Masters of each sub­
ject, and were recreated on the Astral Plane. Our homes of
course changed over the years with the changing tastes of
the people.
As our culture entered the astral dimension or plane, we
found that colors were more radiant and more abundant in
every respect. Our sky was iridescent; a sea of everchang­
ing colors, and everything was luminous. Mountains, fields,
trees, grass, buildings, clothes, furniture, and even our bod­
ies gave off a warm, colorful glow of their own nature.
Now the weather was controlled by the collective
thoughts of the people. Never again was it too cold or too
hot, too dry or too rainy. People who desired a change
discovered that their thoughts could manifest a snowstorm
enveloping their own homes and no others. People learned
to control the color of the sky above their estate as well, and
allowed other families their own free will in accordance
with the spiritual law of non-interference.
What a wonderful freedom it was not to need food in
order to stay alive! And because the astral body travels at
such tremendous speeds, physical transportation became
obsolete. Anyone had the choice to simply appear at his des­
tination or to enjoy vehicles powered by his own thoughts.
Around the house and neighborhood, walking (or gliding
along just above the ground) remained the easiest way of
going from place to place.
In being able to manifest things directly from energy,
we no longer needed to physically build anything piece by
piece, unless we just wanted to enjoy the craftmanship,
which most of us desired to learn.
As one unfolds spiritually, he becomes more of an
individual than ever before. This truth shows up in the
spiritual growth of a planet. Earth, in its spiritual infancy,
is a planet where the masses of people are controlled and
where conformity is widespread. As Venus was growing up,
its people left the cities and mass-produced conveniences
to lead a more natural life in independent villages. Each
person learned to su ly most of his own needs in ord
earn to become more individual and creative.
The spiritually advanced planets naturally are populated
by individuals, who express their individuality creatively.
Before the Great Transition, the people of Venus were very
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much involved in the arts, and nothing was more important
than creativity in every area of life. Expressing oneself in
the creation of harmony and beauty was considered to be
the very purpose of one's existence.
And because our flowering culture had already evolved
to an astral level, translating to the Astral Plane did not
change it so drastically. Our people had much more time
to devote to the creative joys in life rather than what was
necessary for survival, but the family and the home contin­
ued to be the center of life and creative expression.
After the Great Transition, each family had much more
freedom in creating its own home. Unlimited by physical
materials and physical laws, anything imaginable could be
manifested by thought alone. Building our own dome
house together with the floating second floor was not a feat
of engineering but one of creative designing.
Most of the architecture on Venus is based on circles,
ovals, and graceful curving lines. In our neighborhood were
homes that looked like several bubbles sitting atop each
other or arranged in clusters along the ground. Domes were
very popular. Many others were a combination of different
geometric shapes. A few were elaborate and extensively
detailed structures, like palaces and castles, but every single
home was unique and enchantingly beautiful. An architect
from Earth would probably call Venus a paradise where
fantastic ideas have come true.
A house of solid gold studded with diamonds, rubies,
emeralds, and pearls is manifested as easily as a house of
colored bricks. It would be almost impossible to create
a home sculptured from a single giant diamond or ruby on
the physical planets, but on Venus (astral) it is a mat­ ter
of designing it in your mind and instantly manifest­ ing it.
Knowing of the unlimited possibilities, our people
nevertheless create homes that suit their individual sense
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of beauty. It is the beauty that counts, not the amount of
precious gems and metals. One can have all those he cares
to manifest.
I cannot remember seeing a house in Teutonia that was
not sun-ounded by lush, flowering gardens. Now that our
creations are only limited by our imaginations, the flowers,
trees, and bushes are much more exotic and colorful. If my
aunt had wanted three-foot tall red mushrooms with white
dots, these could easily be created. These would have been
real mushrooms, smelling, tasting, and feeling as mush­
rooms do on the physical planets.
Weaving throughout our elaborately designed gardens
were walkways of stone and brick, or perhaps gold, depend­
ing on one's tastes. And a garden would not be complete
without fountains, statuary, ponds, and waterfalls. There
would also be marble, wrought metal or exotic wood
benches. Our statues represented all kinds of beings - spiri­
tual masters, angels, mythological figures, and rulers of
the elements. A person whose love was sculpturing would
create each piece by hand. If his interests were elsewhere
he would probably design each statue in mind und simply
manifest it.
The Tythanians love lots of room and open space in
their homes and grounds. Rooms were never cluttered or
overfurnished, and everything that is created to adorn the
house serves some useful purpose. Our furniture is of
course created for practical reasons, but it always has about
it a quality of exquisiteness, of beauty, of individuality. A
table cannot be just a table, or a chair just a chair; it must
be something that others exclaim over when they come in.
Each and every piece is a work of art.
A chair may look like a very beautiful, gracefully carved
wooden chair with cushions, but the feel of it may be com­
pletely different. If the person who created the chair liked
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the feeling of sitting on feathers, then sitting in it would
seem like being comforted by soft downy feathers. Or if
he liked the feeling of clouds or floating, then a chair or
couch may feel that way6
Plush carpets may feel like marble; or the floors may
look like marble and yet when you walk on them they may
feel like grass, or water, or feathers, or some soft material.
Anything can be created to look one way and feel another
way, depending on the individual tastes.
Every room is a reflection of the family's individuality,
personality, and interests, so there are bound to be an almost
infinite number of variations.
Some families devote their entire home to one of the
senses, such as sound or smell. Or the different rooms of
a house may be devoted to sound, sight, smell, touch, and
taste. In going from room to room a person would experi­
ence various sensations in each sense.
In a room devoted to sound, everything responds to
sound or emits a sound of its own. Walking on the carpet
may create a certain sound, while lying on it may cause
a variation of the same sound. Sitting on the cushions,
or just moving around the room may set up whole vibra- .
tion patterns that cause the furnishings to emit harmoni­
ously blended sounds. Everything there would contribute
to a heavenly combination of melodies. A number of
musical instruments may also be in the room for visitors
to play.
A person who has devoted his life to music may do the
same with his house. Each room would be devoted to a
different kind of musical instrument and its particular
sounds. Fountains in the garden would emit musical sound
as the water falls, and all of the trees, flowers, and shrubs
would together create enchanting natural symphonies. The
garden would not be complete without a windharp which
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is a harp that catches the wind to produce everchanging
beautiful melodies.
In a room devoted to smell, everything has its own
peculiar aroma. Stepping on the rug would cause a certain
fragrance, perhaps that of a rose, to rise u Touching a
plant or a small cushion would cause it to emit whatever
scent the creator had in mind in manifesting it. A painting
of the countryside could very well emit the fresh natural
smells of country air, a cold mountain stream, or the lilies
of the fields.
Just entering a room devoted to touch could bathe a
person with a soothing vibration. In addition, there may be
wall hangings of fur and textures that feel wonderful to the
touch. The floors could feel like wet grass, and a painting
of a waterfall could very well feel wet to the touch.
Another room may be devoted to color. Here, a couch
or a coffee table would constantly change colors from red
to purple to green to blue to yellow and red again, or the
change could be random. The walls may change colors, or
the floors, or the lighting in the room. This can be combined
with sound so that by singing different notes the colors of
the furniture will change. Everything depends on the
imagination of the creator and of course the limits of what
the senses can handle. Too much change overwhelms the
senses.
It is the woman of the household who usually experi­
ments with new furniture designs, colors, and the whole
field of interior decorating. However, each member of a
family usually has one or more rooms of his own where
he does the decorating. Where we on Earth spend the day
cleaning house, the homemaker on Venus may create an
entirely new set of furniture in an afternoon. Rapid change
is a way of life.
Life is not quite so easy as it may seem. A great deal
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of training and responsibility must go with the manifest­
ing of things. The laws of balance and harmony must be
obeyed, just as they are on the Physical Plane. In creating
something, we cannot have simply a vague image in mind
and get results. If a person thinks of a picture of a chair
instead of a full chair, he will get something like a flat cut­
out. And it is not possible to command a chair to appear
by saying, "chair".
In the beginning of astral life, creating things is not easy.
Even though children are given much freedom at home,
they need to learn to properly use a thought form. They
do·not have the same attention level as adults. In their
curiosity they tend to jump from one thing to another. So
it is not at a very early age that they begin manifesting all
sorts of things. Their first toys and clothes are created for
them by their parents.
At first they are underdeveloped on the astral. Children
need to get used to life there, and they need to go through
adjustments just as children on the physical planets do.
Children on Venus are trained by their parents to control
their vivid imaginations with the power of concentrated
attention.
In being able to manifest things from energy we have
eliminated only the manufacturing step of creation. Design­
ing is the main challenge for any individual, especially for
a child who is learning the techniques of individual
manifesting.
At first the designs are incomplete and unbalanced, or
are not harmonious with their surroundings. A child must
learn to visualize in the mind a complete picture in all the
dimensions with exact measurements, textures, colors, and
design to the finest detail. If one leg of a chair is missing in
the mental image, the real chair will be manifested with one
leg missing. If the measurements are off in the visualiza138
tion, then the real chair will be distorted and unbalanced
in the same way.
The colors, materials, and shape will have to balance out
and agree with the theme of the room. Careless creating
results in a pile of junk.
Venus (Astral Plane) is not a chaotic place as of the
power of thought. Everything is solid and stays as it is
until the individual changes it. Had my aunt and uncle left
Teutonia for a few years, the house would have remained
as it was. No one interferes with another's creations. And
matter, once created, cannot be easily dissolved. It can be
redesigned, so the people are careful not to manifest a pile
of junk. Once a certain room is created, it will stay as it is
until someone changes it. Sitting on the orange sofa will
always give off the scent of roses until its creator decides
to change it.
Eventually, after a great deal of experimenting, a family
will settle with a home and furnishings that are pleasing, a
style or mood that is just right for them. Once my aunt and
uncle had found what they really wanted, our house did
not change from day to day.
Some people, however, live securely within their lives
of continuous change because they are accustomed to it
and are in complete control.
On Venus, each learns a variety of crafts and creative
activities. People take great pains to do things by craft
instead of simply materializing results, because it is more
fulfilling, meaningful and personal to do so.
With life-spans that stretch into thousands of years there
is plenty of time to learn and master a number of arts and
crafts. We realize that life could become mundane and bor­
ing if we just snapped our fingers to fulfill all our desires.
There would be less to look forward to in the way of chal­
lenge and achievement.
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On the astral it is possible to master talents such as play­
ing a flute simply by willing it, but on Venus this is looked
upon as laziness and shunned. We strive to develop our
talents through effort and practice as people on the Physical
Plane must do. With the exception of constructing homes,
we try to do as much by hand as possible. One having little
talent or interest in building furniture from basic materials
would probably manifest it. Someone unskilled in the art
of painting and not interested in learning that art at that
time may at first manifest paintings to decorate his home.
Everyone develops his talents in many areas, but only those
of his own choice.
Art is so much a part of people's lives that each home is
filled with art forms that stimulate and inspire, and reflect
that family's individuality, tastes and loves.
A woodcarver's home would be decorated with hand­
made carvings. A weaver's home may have textiles of his
own creation decorating walls, furniture, etc.
Not only are talents in the various arts developed and•
refined over many years, but they are carried over from
lifetime to lifetime. Being born with a strong talent and
then devoting an entire lifetime to it usually means that in
previous lifetimes, Soul had already been involved in that
art. My own interests in dancing did not begin in this life,
rather many centuries ago when I was a dancer in ancient
Egypt.
Sculpting is another popular art. A few of the homes in
our neighborhood had entire rooms that were sculptured.
These were an adventure because the tables, chairs and
even shelves on the wall were all moulded of the same
piece of material as the walls and ceiling.
Music is one of the most beautiful ways of expressing
your creative nature. Most Venusians learn to compose
their own music and play musical instruments because of
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the sense of personal fulfillment and joy. We can sing or
create a piece of music that expresses our feelings more
beautifully and completely than by speaking and by writ­
ing. The feeling element in our music is most important.
Simple beautiful sounds convey much feeling.
I know of nobody in Teutonia who did not play at least
one musical instrument. Most studied and mastered a num­
ber of different instruments.
Many of our musical instruments are much like the
ones here on Earth. The reason being that all instruments
now used in the physical universe were first created on the
Astral Plane and stored in the Astral Museum for searching
minds to discover. Flutes, violins, and harps are among the
most popular on Venus, as well as our version of keyboard
instruments. We also have various instruments that copy
the sounds of nature, such as wind, running water, the rush
of the sea, etc.
Percussion instruments are rarely used in our music,
although once in a while there is a drumbeat or a clash of
the cymbal. Harsh sounding brass instruments are not
popular either. The dense vibrations of these and the per­
cussion instruments are more suited to the denser Physical
Plane or the lower astral.
Our music is flowing and inspiring, very unlike your
popular rock and roll on Earth. Our higher form of music
may seem foreign to Earth ears, but more beautiful than he
has ever heard. The heavy beat of Earth's modem music
(in the western world) gives spiritual indigestion and stirs
the lower centers of man instead of the higher but this does
not mean it is to be condemned, because many different
kinds of music are needed in the world to accommodate
the different levels of individuals. It all serves its purpose.
Most of our music is a personal experience enjoyed at
home, however we do have a few orchestras assembled by
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artists who have devoted their lives to music. We have an
orchestra for which Venus is famous, the Chelli Orchestra
in the City of Retz.
Dancing (and singing) is ingrained into our culture as
much as our planetary language. Everyone in a Venusian
family learns to dance and throughout life enjoys express­
ing feelings in a way no other art fonn can.
Venusian dancing can best be compared to what on Earth
is called interpretive dancing. Remember that the Astral
Plane is the plane of emotions, which suggests that we are
very much involved in expressing our feelings. Our dancing
gives us this creative release.
On Earth, acting may seem to be just another form of art,
but on Venus it is much more. Each one realizes that every
day he acts out the drama oflife in the lower worlds. This
is true on every planet, although without the viewpoint of
Soul the act is confused with reality. Most of Earth's people
are so involved in their daily lives that they never have a
chance to stand back and view everything objectively, as•
Soul.
Acting is what children do most of the day, using the
imagination to be something different or to make up stories.
It is a very important part of childhood and also of life
itself because acting develops imagination and creativity.
A person who cannot act cannot really live. We as human
beings are constantly entertaining others or doing things
to attract attention, all of which is acting.
As a child I played the acting game of looking into the
mirror every morning and deciding what kind of a person
I would be that day. What kind of a personality I would
have. Then during the day I would be that kind of person.
Adults play at this game too because boredom is a very real
threat for people on the Astral Plane. Having all the mate­
rial possessions imaginable does not guarantee happiness.
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By pretending to be something we have always wanted to
be, we can actually have that experience. Many Venusians
play games to make life more interesting.
It is not easy to understand life on Venus as a whole by
looking at the parts. Our people do not lead fragmented
lives. Each person is an individual and, depending on his
personality, tastes, and past lives will be attracted to vari­
ous creative pursuits. His whole life may be devoted to
painting, and designing new musical instruments, though
he may also be adept at writing, sculpting, and woodwork­
ing. Another person may be fascinated with physics and
sciences, as well as playing the flute.
No matter how interested in his favorite a,t or science
one may be, there is no end to what can be learned. He
could spend a whole lifetime studying plants and never
reach a point of knowing all there is to know.
As an example, for years and decades people of Earth
have studied plants, yet they are just now discovering that
plants have feelings and respond to emotions. This is a
great discovery here, though it has been known on other
planets for a long time, because we recognize that a Soul
inhabits these plant bodies as we once did.
No matter what planet or plane you live on, there is
always something new to be learned. Throughout eternity,
even though you may live in the physical world again, there
is work to be done and there are problems to be solved.
Even the highest Being, in the highest state of conscious­
ness, is still learning. Just because the afterlife is a mystery
to many people on Earth does not mean that death is the
end of everything. It is a shift of scenery, a new beginning
on another level. The Supreme Deity itselfhas new experi­
ences every day through all forms of life.
The sciences are as much a part of our life as are the
arts. We continuously study the universe, nature, how it
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works, and how we can work with it. Every day we try to
work more with nature instead of against it to keep from
depleting any part of it and thus creating an imbalance. It
may be difficult to live this way, and take much effort and
time, especially for people on physical planets, but we
know that ifwe love nature it will love us in return.
Helping people of the physical world is a goal that many
ofus share. Not only do we personally work out Karma in
this way but we also have the satisfaction of helping people
in need, especially those of planets like Earth.
Scientists who die on Earth and other physical planets
often continue their work on a higher plane to benefit all
mankind. It is not unusual for their talents and knowledge
to carry over through many lifetimes.
Those of us who plan to lower our vibrations into
the physical world and live on Earth, often learn useful
occupations. Quite a few of the Venusians living on your
Earth today have come from the Astral Plane, where they
acquired vast knowledge. Astral scientists frequently have•
no other choice but to continue their work in the Physical
Plane. They must work with physical laws under physical
conditions after a certain point, as my uncle discovered. A
device that works well under the power of thought must be
designed to function physically once it becomes physical,
and this involves experiments in the physical world.
Fortunately we have kept our culture intact in every
way. [t would have been easy to rely on the astral powers
of creating everything by thought instead of developing our
physical talents. Then our culture might suffer for we know
that one day, at the end of our Iron Age, our life would
return to the physical density. By preserving our facul­
ties intact we may be able to continue our life in physical
density without succumbing to the elements.
Venusians are very gregarious and they gather for many
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occasions. Music, dancing, and singing are so important to
every party. The entertaining is shared by everyone, because
everyone is talented in some way. Guests bring their own
instruments and share a new musical creation, or they may
act out a past life, or read new poetry that they have writ­
ten. Here the rich culture of the Venusians is brought out
in a festival of creativity and sharing, through which a real
community, a real understanding among people, real
relationships develop quite naturally.
Among party games enjoyed was one that only people
who live on planes above the physical can play. In a way it
is Iike a masquerade, but instead of the guests just wearing
costumes and masks, they actually change their body form
and appearance. We use the power of thought to change
the astral body but keep the same personality, mind, and
Soul - the same inner qualities and identity. The host and
hostess would then have the delightful job of guessing
who the guests really were as they came to the party. The
challenge in keeping their identity secret was not so much
in manifesting an unusual body form as in disguising the
vibrations. Every individual has a certain expression, acer­
tain look in the eyes that is always the same from lifetime
to lifetime, no matter what the body looks like. Then there
are the peculiar personal movements - the way one sits, or
holds his head or uses his hands, or smiles. All of these are
clues to successful identification, and one's success was a
matter of being aware of the inner qualities of his friends,
beyond outer appearances.
Along with the colorful costumes familiar-looking ani­
mals showed up at parties too. Perhaps a bright pink cat or
a shaggy purple hound, or an orange pony with a blue tail.
These were not really animals of course, but those of us
who had chosen such a disguise. As a child and an admirer
of butterflies, I often flew to parties as one.
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,
The experience of having a plant or animal body yet
being a human taught me that our human bodies are the
more perfect vehicles for Soul living in the human state of
consciousness. Having a butterfly body was fine for a
while but it had too many limitations.
Although less restricted than the physical, Venus is far
from being a utopia or the best world that Soul can imagine.
Our study of the Laws of the Supreme Deity is so very
important because we too are growing just as any other
Souls in any of the denser worlds. We too have problems
to solve and lessons to learn, and we too are striving for
higher awareness.
Because we can have all the material things we desire,
our lessons and problems are different on the Astral Plane.
In the Physical, emotions are mixed in with the material
problems like earning a living, being ill, and living up to
all the physical responsibilities. Here physical problems for
the most part override purely emotional problems, while in
the astral we are released to experience and deal with our
emotions more fully.
Venusians must put a great deal of effort into keeping an
emotional balance. An unbalanced emotional state can be
damaging to Soul. We find that emotional problems have
a tendency to be much more overpowering here.
Attachment is very dangerous on any plane for it keeps
Soul from having freedom. We need to be careful because
it is very easy to become attached to family, to others, to
ritual and a way of life.
A good discipline is to try to like the things we dislike,
because every dislike has a reason, usually emotional. As
Soul we try to be aware of things that are not Soul, such
as attitudes and assumptions. We also try to discipline our­
selves not todo everything at once, to not be in a hurry, and
to live life to its fullest in a balanced way. We are thank146
ful for what we have and what we are at every moment.
Because we live such a very long time, it is important to
pace all of life's possible experiences. It is very easy to
get carried away because a person can have everything he
wants just by using the power of thought. Often we must
put our desires behind us because if all our experiences
came in a few years we might well be bored for centuries.
One of our people's greatest problems is love attach­
ments. My father was one who never recovered from his
grief over my mother's passing. It is one problem that
can seriously unbalance a Venusian and stall his spiritual
growth. Emotional feelings can avalanche on him before
he is aware of what is happening. Emotional balance is
crucial. A Soul can create Karma on the Astral Plane just
as well as on the physical or any other of the denser worlds.
For many, the Astral Plane is heaven when the physical
body dies. Life as it is on Venus should give you some
insight into life in your astral after leaving your physical.
It can be very beautiful, but like life on any of the lower
planes it is limited.
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Chapter Eight
Earthward Bound
IC'\ur trip to Retz was faster this time because we had
\.J been summoned by the Master. My uncle and I stepped
into the bubble-car and seated ourselves. Within moments
we appeared just outside the gates of Retz. Briskly we
walked to the Temple of Golden Wisdom, and bearing our
gifts, entered to greet the Master, Kanjuri.
Kanjuri was an older, beardless man with remarkably
white, almost silver-white long, flowing h!!ir. As he stood
before us I sensed how ancient and yet how young Kanjuri
was. It is a paradox I cannot explain. His deep green, flash­
ing eyes spoke of endless wisdom and compassion. Like
any true Master, Kanjuri was a beautiful Soul surrounded
by an air of serene silence.
We presented our gifts, a plant for the temple and fruit
for the Master. Together we seated ourselves on cushions
and chanted aloud the word amual, the Tythanian word for
love. The room suddenly glowed with a warm pink light
and Kanjuri began to speak.
"I've called you here for Omnec to be able to make a
choice." he said. Omnec Onec is my Venusian name, using
English letters to spell the Venusian sounds. The name
means "Spiritual Rebound". Kanjuri went on to say that a
little girl was living on Earth with whom I had formerly
shared a past life during the time of the French Revolution.
We were sisters during those turbulent years, very close to
each other.
148
I had been involved in acts of treason and my life was in
danger, when my sister stepped forward to take the blame.
Out of her love for me, and because she felt it important
that I continue my work, she was beheaded in my place.
Kanjuri explained that she was now a little girl living in the
United States and suffering a great deal within her family.
Her mother was taking care of her as best as she could,
but both she and her husband were caught up in drinking
and fighting.
At the age of seven, this little girl, Sheila, was to be sent
to her grandmother in Chattanooga, Tennessee as a
protection from the trouble and fighting at home. Now
looking into the future, the Master had seen Sheila being
killed in a bus accident enroute, on the outskirts of Little
Rock, Arkansas.
Since I was an older Soul and at this time had less ties
on Venus, I had a special choice. I could lower my vibra­
tions into the physical and go to Earth to balance out my
Karma in this lifetime. After the accident had occurred, her
body could be taken care of and I could go on in her place.
Then I would live in her family as Sheila instead of Omnec
Onec, and, in doing this, work off some of my own Kamm
and hers, therefore balancing cause and effect relations in
a number of different ways.
Instead of being reborn on Earth I was being offered the
unusual opportunity ofhaving my Venusian body densified
to the Earth Physical Plane. I would retain my conscious­
ness awareness and memory as a strong background to help
me through the trials I would face. My Kanna would be dif­
ficult for me to understand or cope with ifl were just born
on Earth without knowing the truth of the higher planes.
By going to Earth now, the Master explained the condi­
tions were such that I could work off my Kanna with less
anguish, and may never have to come into the Physical
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Plane of Earth again. In addition, I was destined to a spiri­
tual work on Earth, and a plan. It had to do with opening
the people's minds about the Brotherhood of the Planets.
The details would be revealed during my life on Earth.
This was a great shock to me, and of course frightening.
I had not realized that I would be leaving so soon and I had
never heard of any of our people leaving as children. Adults
who have physical Karma often do lower their vibrations to
leave the astral and live on Earth. This had been mentioned
by Masters during the seminars in Retz.
At the same time it was all very exciting. I did not know
much about Earth in this lifetime. I had only heard about it
as many people in America hear about Asia or some remote
part of the world. The suffering other people go through
does not reach you and does not mean as much as it should
if you are removed from it. Being a child and filled with
the spirit of adventure, I felt that my living on Earth would
be exciting. So I said to Kanjuri that I would make up my
mind and let him know.
Kanjuri assured me that if I decided to leave Venus I
would be given all the necessary knowledge, and all the
preparations would be made. I would learn about the girl's
family and be taught the American English, the language
they used. And before I left I would be briefed on the people
of Earth, their consciousness, their culture and technology,
especially what I could expect to experience in the southern
United States.
On strategic occasions I was promised the help, the
mental guidance of my people through Odin or someone
close to me. With that final word of encouragement Kanjuri
concluded, adding that I had several days to consider the
prospect.
Without hesitation I said that my decision had already
been made. I would leave Venus to spend the rest of my
150
days on planet Earth. Kanjuri remained silent for a moment
as my aunt began to speak. She reminded me that I was
not compelled to go if I did not feel that it was right. I
understood that, I told her, but I felt the decision was one
of Karma, that I was destined to leave Venus rather than
having a choice about it.
I understood that in the physical world I was to be a
child of seven years. My astral body when I would leave
Venus would look like a seven-year-old girl, and yet my
consciousness upon becoming physical would be more
advanced because I had been born on the Astral Plane and
inherited the culture and teachings of Venus.
My first inner vision of Sheila was very revealing. I
favored her a great deal partly because of our karmic ties.
Physically we looked very much alike, which gave me all
the more reason to believe it was all planned, that it was
Karma. I accepted this as my Karma and I had a strong
desire to work it off and be finished with these obligations.
I also felt it was necessary for Sheila to be released from
the physical world. She had suffered enough. My decision
to leave was more of an intuition than anything else, and
the inner prompting I felt makes me realize now that my
choice to come to Earth was itselfkarmically determined.
Kanjuri repeated his promise that the training program
would begin. Someone would call on me within a few
days. We thanked the Master, and he told me I had made
a very wise decision. In my life on Earth I might not find
the spiritual teachings of Venus until much later, and I was
not to talk about these teachings because people
§! understand. en the time was right they would be
openly revealed in America, but J was not to seek them.
They wordd cow(![_me. And I will find a sutprise wit(
these teachings. With a smile the Master fell silent. We
said goodbye and left.
wmiw
151
At home I wanted to be by myself thinking about the
consequences of my decision. I reconsidered more than
once, yet I felt ever more strongly that it wasn't mine to be
made, that it was destiny. I was thinking about my upcom­
ing journey in a childish way, as being an adventure with
many unknowns.
True to Kanjuri's word, several days later a Master
appeared at our door, a very unusual person for people on
Venus. With his dark, brown eyes and long black hair fall­
ing to his shoulders, he was striking in our society where
most people are blond.
·Vonic was his name. He said that he had come to teach
me about Sheila, her family, about English, and how peo­
ple's attitudes differed on Earth. We sat down for the first
of many long conversations.
Vonic had been chosen as my teacher because of his
patience. Throughout my life and many lifetimes, I was
known to be impulsive, to jump into things abruptly with­
out thinking. I was given to interruptions with completely
unrelated thoughts that just happened to pop into my mind.
This discouraged a lot of people, but not Vonic, who was
very nice about it. He was very quiet, only told me the facts,
listened to what I had to say, and did not give any point of
view or criticism.
In those next few weeks Vonic covered just about every­
thing I needed to know. Never before had I done so much
memorizing at once, but it was necessary for me to learn
quickly. Fortunately I was gifted with a good memory and
was not encumbered with a physical mind.
Vonic briefed me on Sheila's personal history and her
family's, so that I would be familiar with their personali­
ties and their way of life. I learned as much about Sheila's
grandmother and mother as a seven-year-old child would
be expected to know. I needed to learn the description of
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each relative so that I would be able to recognize them and
speak with them in the right way when I met them.
Vonic also familiarized me with the southern people's
customs and consciousness. We went into some detail on
the living conditions as well, the kind of poverty I would
be exposed to."In the physical world," Vonic said, "people
are often deprived of basic physical needs, unlike the Astral
Plane where our thoughts instantly create whatever we
desire."
All of this training took a great deal of time, day after day
of getting together, going over these facts and me pretend­
ing I was Sheila. Vonic and I worked wherever the mood
of the occasion took us - around the sunken fireplace, in
my room, upstairs, in the garden, or on the golden beach.
I practiced talking and acting like Sheila, and Vonic would
ask questions about her family that I had to answer prop­
erly. It was very important, he said, to think of myself as
being Sheila rather than just acting the part.
This went on until I learned about her mother's child­
hood, her real father, the marriage situations that produced
all her cousins, and the kind of person her stepfather was.
I memorized the illnesses Sheila had had, the many places
she had lived, and the hardships she was going through up
to the time of the bus accident. Most of Sheila's own expe­
riences, what her mother had told her, and what she had
learned on her own were covered in my talks with Vonic.
I never asked Vonic how he learned all of the very per­
sonal infonnation about Sheila's family, but I am sure that
one of our people living on Earth had become friends with
them.
Vonic made a special point of mentioning what would
be expected of me, and what I could not do, such as using
the psychic and spiritual powers I had developed. People
generally would not understand, and they might become
153
frightened enough to accuse me of satanism or black magic.
I was certainly not to tell anyone of my true origin until
the time was right, which would not be until I was older.
Vonic taught me about the different religions of Earth,
how most of them were merely social gatherings instead of
tme spiritual teachings. I learned about the many different
concepts of God, and the concept of the negative power as
a mythical being called Satan.
I was not to expect the freedom allowed in Venusian
society, or be very disappointed by limitations in every
area of my life. The schools I would be attending Vonic
explained, would not be as advanced in their teaching
methods or in what they taught, so I had to be careful not
to show that I knew so much. I was to pretend that I was
learning and not be discouraged. The educators on Earth,
Vonic said, did the best according to what they knew and
according to the limitations of the conditions on Earth.
I had to remember that there was no turning back once
I had arrived. It would cause a great deal of trouble for
everyone. I would not be paying my karmic debt and I
would be creating more Karma on top of that. In times of
great anguish I was not to try escaping by saying,
"I'm not really Sheila and I won't put up with this!"
I was paying back a debt that Sheila had suffered for me
long ago, and I was suffering for her in return. Often I was
reminded by Vonic that there were many hardships ahead, ,
but he never went into greater detail. The only promise
made to me was that they would keep in mental contact
with me but that they could not change any of the future
events.
As I look back now, I realize that Vonic did a thorough
job of preparing me for life on Earth. That is, I had more
than enough knowledge to comfortably become a part of
an Earth family. Vonic and I became very good friends.
154
During my training period the anniversary of my birth
arrived. Unknown to me, Arena and Odin had made a plan
for a special experience for me, a journey into other levels
of the Astral Plane. They had mentioned only that there
would be a party to celebrate my birth.
In the morning on that special day my aunt and I visited
friends who lived not far from our house. When we came
home, Rimj and all ofmy best friends as well as Vonic and
my uncle were waiting to help celebrate my birthday. All of
the rooms were decorated with flowers and butterflies, the
things ofnature I most loved todraw. There were paintings
and wall hangings, murals and cut-outs, even mobiles and
butterflies. Zemura presented me with a dress having the
print of a butterfly, to go along with the theme of my party.
After dinner we sang songs and danced and played music
and games, but the best was yet to come.
Aunt Arena took me aside to spring the great news. That
evening our family and friends would go on a journey
through the Astral Plane! In order for us to keep the same
level of consciousness, and somebody not get misplaced or
hung-up somewhere, we would all be under the supervision
of the pilot, Uncle Odin.
A joyous feeling of anticipation filled the air as we
climbed aboard the bubble car. I knew that one of the most
memorable experiences of my life was ahead. It would be
my first adventure beyond the surface ofVenus and my first
journey through the vast world which is known to many of
Earth's people as Heaven.
As our ship took off and the city of Teutonia became
smaller and smaller below us, I saw the first of many
breathtaking spectacles. Teutonia is shaped much like a
giant angelic star with one longer tapering point reaching
between the two mountains toward the sea. All around us
as we left Venus, swirled beautiful color forms ofunmani155
fested thoughts and emotions. Some were like fireworks,
magnificent shooting colors never seen in the physical world.
These were the regions of the astral that had not yet
been manifested or created into form - delightful seas of
heavenly energy. All of outer space looks like this on the
Astral Plane.
Our first destination was the lower Astral Plane, the land
of nightmares and ugly passions. I do not mean to say that
the Astral Plane has a number of layers through which we
traveled up and down. We call the various regions lower,
middle, and higher to indicate the inhabitants' level of con­
sciousness awareness, which reflects in the body fonns,
colors, landscapes, and overall feeling of the area.
P1feeling offearfulness overcame me as we entered the
lower Astral Plane. It was an eerie region with distorted
landscapes, twisted trees, giant spider webs, smoking
forests, and grotesque creatures. If you can imagine what
a haunted forest would look like, then you are probably
picking up mentally what already exists somewhere on the
lower Astral Plane.
The Souls who live here are so attached to the passions
- anger, greed, lust- that they take horrible-looking subhu­
man forms. Some of them are intriguing to see but most are
as frightening as the dark murky colors surrounding them.
Here too are homes and communities, but instead of
devoting themselves to creativity and the arts, these people
spend their days indulging in their favorite passions. A glut­
ton could be seen day in and day out surrounding himself
with tasty foods to delight his senses, and spending little
time away from the dining table. Likewise a miser would
manifest jewels and gold and precious things until his home
left little room for him to live.
The lower astral is where evil Souls spend time between
physical lives, temporarily, until they become somewhat
156
detached from their passions. Many of the orthodox reli­
gions have in fact created hell regions on the lower Astral
Plane for themselves, which unfortunately have become
traps for Souls who believe their stay there is eternal. Hell
is as real as the people who want it believe it is.
Returning to the middle astral we flew over many very
beautiful civilized areas where different religious groups
had established their heavenly communities. The people
here lived in peace, learning creative talents as we did at
our level on Venus, and being very much aware of their
return someday to the physical worlds. Many of them had
recreated the homes and surroundings of their physical
planet. The landscapes and villages we now saw were much
more radiant and colorful than their physical counterparts
on Mars, Venus, Jupiter, Earth, and other planets.
There seemed to be an endless variety of landscapes
- painted mountains, craggy mountains, soft rolling hills
valleys, meadows, lakes, deserts, and forests. As at our
level on Venus, nature was a luminous festival of color.
The sights were truly heavenl:o
As we continued on, my uncle explained as best he could
whatever attracted my attention. The higher astral is a much
more spiritual region where more highly evolved Souls
live. Anyone who has experienced it will agree that it is
not easy to describe in physical tern1s as the colors are
more refined and inspiring, and there is a greater feeling
of peace, joy, serenity and the spiritual high.
Within Sahasra-dal Kanwal, the capital of this place,
was one of the most beautiful regions I had ever seen. It
was called Zreph. I can understand why so many religions
have their heavenly abodes here. The flowering gardens
of Zreph cannot be described in words. They exist for the
inhabitants to enjoy. When people arrive here after their
physical demise they believe this is the highest achieve157
ment in the afterlife, yet it is only the first step on a long
and arduous journey.
We did not have time to stop here, or to explore many
of the intriguing regions of the astral. Such a tour could
very well last several lifetimes in Earth standards of time.
One of the most spectacular sights was below us as
Odin told of the Seres race, ancestors of the inhabitants of
Sahasra-dal Kanwal. Near the center of this heavenly white
city stands a colossal statue, so huge that our bubble car
seemed like a speck in the sky next to it. Seeing it from the
air is a breathtaking sight. Looking up from the ground, a
person would strain his eyes to see the top.
This giant statue represents the Seres race, which my
uncle explained, were the space people who first colonized
planets of this Physical Plane. Among the giants who set­
tled in what became Atlantis were members of the Seres
race. I was hypnotized not only by its beauty but also by
itsdimensions. The feet of this colossal statue stand far
enough apart that on foot it would take days to walk around
it. Since this city is as big as Earth's continents, many of its
attractions are very spectacular in their sheer size.
A luminous white wall easily as high as the tallest sky­
scrapers on Earth surrounds the city. In the very center
stands the majestic Mountain of Light, powerhouse of this
plane. Out of the peak of the Mountain of Light stream
thousands of colored lights, and each of these is made of
smaller lights. Each light is alive.
It was an utterly breathtaking sight. The sound of the
roaring sea filled the air. The lights flowed into the sky
and onward to support the Physical Plane and its many
forms of life.
The Mountain of Light is higher than any in the physical
universe. As our ship passed directly over it I had to shut
my eyes for a moment. Even for the astral eyes the light
was so intense as to be painful. Odin explained that this was
a very important city to the people of the more advanced
planets. It is a cross-over city between the astral and the
Physical Planes and would be very important for me in the
future. Here is a place which enables an astral being to
manifest a physical body. The people here were beautiful,
with faces that spoke of much wisdom. With their flowing
tunics and sandals they resembled the ancient Greeks of
Earth mythology. Among the inhabitants of this city were
stately co-workers of the Creator which we call angels.
Like our culture on Venus, every moment oflife was spent
in creative expression.
My uncle stopped the ship for a last look around, and
my last chance to soak up the beauty which I have never
forgotten. How can one forget a city that is pure white and
glowing, with tints of blue here and there and structures
so spectacular you are speechless?
A number of the villages we flew over were enveloped
in indescribable melodies, the sounds of each village itself.
Zreph was like this also. The music seemed like the tunes
of a Xylophone and harp, and occasionally violins.
All through the Astral Plane was a feeling of spiritual
high, of freedom, of peace, and beauty. Imagine worlds
where the people live completely confident and at ease
with themselves, not seeing each other with eyes of anger
and vanity, jealousy, and envy. They see each other as
Soul, each equally beautiful and competent as sparks of
Deity.
I suppose this is why it hurts me at times to look back
at my past. It is not easy to talk about my life on Venus
because to have a taste of paradise and then live here is
very painful. And yet I know the kind of life that awaits
me when this short life comes to an end. All the sufferings
in the many lives on Earth will seem like a bad dream.
158
159
We took a faster route home. All of us were tired. We
were not fatigued in any physical sense, but congested
with so many beautiful memories. At home I lay back and
closed my eyes, letting it all soak deep down into my mind
so when a time comes that I am feeling low, I can pull these
memories out again.
Having seen the wonders of the Astral Plane, I began to
anticipate my trip to Earth more and more. I thought of it
too as an adventure, but at times it seemed very frighten­
ing. I had been told that parts of Earth were much like the
lower Astral Plane.
·1 thought, how wonderful it was that I could go to Ea1th
prepared in this way, prepared to take on whatever Karma I
had accumulated, to be able to understand how everything
that happened was part of my lessons and experiences, to
not get caught up in them and let them overpower me, to
realize that there is something greater than the restricted
physical life, because I had consciously seen it and expe­
rienced it in my own lifetime. To know that these beautiful
worlds exist for all and not just for a few, and that someday
I would live to tell this story to others and give them hope.
Next morning I thanked my aunt and uncle for one of the
most wonderful experiences of my life. I would be leaving
in about two days and once again see that great white city
with the towering walls, only this time we would lower our
vibrations and appear on the physical Venus.
From Aunt Arena I received pennission to take along
the ring and the gift of jewelry. My uncle's gift to me was
from the physical level of Venus and would be given later.
Jewelry I could easily hide or explain away, but not some­
thing as unusual as a Venusian dress, or sandals, or anything
reflecting our culture. In not taking along unusual things I
would not need to become untruthful to protect myself. I
had to be careful to be truthful, they told me, because if I
160
was known as an untruthful child then my story later would
not be taken for real.
Most of my preparation for leaving was an inner prepa­
ration of getting my thoughts in order. My aunt helped by
giving pep talks once in a while. She loved me very much
and was sad to see me go, she said, and if I wished to
change my mind I could.
Again I was reminded of the bitter times ahead and how
I would need strength to hold up and not think I had been
abandoned. They could not interfere in my own Karma,
however, no matter how much it hurt them to see me suf­
fer. They would watch at all times via the inner sense, and
send advice, then when the right time came the Laws of the
Supreme Deity would be taught openly on Earth. I would
meet someone that I knew, and I might have an opportunity
to tell my story to the world. Until then I would have to be
secretive because of the nature of Earth people's attitudes.
They explained that those attitudes were based on the
limited surroundings or environment, and the practice of
teaching children to be duplicates of the adults rather than
individuals.
I would fall into a lot of traps and be taken to different
religious paths, but I was not to become too involved.
I remember well my last day on Venus. In the morning
my aunt brought to my room the dress I would be wearing
on Earth, the same dress little Sheila would be wearing on
the day of the bus accident. Arena had manifested it for me,
keeping in mind the directions the Master had given her. I
put it on and tucked away a duplicate of the note of expla­
nation Sheila's mother had written and Sheila would be
taking along to her grandmother in Tennessee. I also wore
white socks and black patent leather shoes with buckles.
These were very strange. I had never before had my foot
completely enclosed.
161
As I remember, Aunt Arena asked ifl wanted to join her
to tell my friends that I would be leaving shortly. I would
rather stay behind and be alone for awhile, I told her. She
nodded and left. I stood in the arched doorway watching
her graceful body as she walked away down the softly
sloping front path.
Going off to the left and right were many little footpaths
of stone winding among the flowering bushes and trees.
Two blue trees with blue trunk and leaves formed the front
gate. They resembled Earth pines.
Turning around, I found myself facing our shoulder-high
wrought metal fence looking so much like white lacy walls.
I plucked one of the white flowers and I sniffed it, enjoying
its sweet smell and the shiny green leaves.
I walked toward the center of our living room, toward
the fireplace where we had so often shared our experiences
together during Study Time. It was a huge room. Here and
there were floating sofas of various sorts and colors. I
looked at the crystal clear walls curving up toward the
ceiling. I had always taken for granted the beauty of these
walls being transparent, showing us the colorful surround­
ings and the garden.
I stopped in front of my favorite painting, a very large
painting hanging on the wall by no visible means of sup­
port. It was made of constantly swirling colors each color
having its own sound and each sound changing as the colors
did, as they swirled around. I never grew tired of watching
and listening to this painting. It was never inharmonious in
any way, always creating a new intriguing melody. Such
works of art were popular on Venus.
As I listened to the sweet music of our indoor waterfall,
I envisioned my father's face as I had done so many times
throughout my childhood. l remembered his face as I bad
seen it shortly after I was born his beautiful face which I
162
I
stamped into my memory knowing inwardly I would never
see him again. I always did this when I closed my eyes,
burning his image deeper into my mind as if it would bring
him to me.
I remember now his broad square jaw, high cheekbones,
and very intense almost navy blue eyes with whitish blond
arched brows. Father's nose was long and straight with
flaring nostrils. His wide full-lipped mouth was a deep red,
and his golden blond hair parted on the side and combed
to the left rather than being parted in the middle as most
men wore their hair. It was shoulder length and fell gently
in a wave at his left eye. I remember his smile so gentle
and sweet. On the day I was born I saw in his brief gaze
the love he had for me. Yes, I remember well my father's
face, the deep cleft in his chin, and the dimple when he
smiled.
I opened my eyes and slowly got up. I walked around
the fireplace and passed the couch, feeling its softness with
my fingers as I passed by.
At the waterfall I sat down on a tiny retaining wall sur­
rounding the pool. The top was inlaid with small tiles of
mother-of-pearl bordered in gold. Several gold and blue
various colored fish flitted around in the water. As I held
my fingers out to catch some of the falling water, I noted
that it changed the tunes that the waterfall made. I closed
my eyes to listen. It always sounded like a harp with water
pouring through, if you can imagine such a sound.
All this time I had felt something welling up inside,
some emotion I was unused to, some strange feeling that I
had almost felt the day I thought I was being punished. I
did not know what this feeling was, this sadness was
beginning to choke me.
I looked to the left and saw my aunt's great circular herb
garden with its hundreds of different interesting herbs.
163
She had explained them all to me, all of their medicinal
uses and the mystical folklore surrounding them through
the centuries. As I stood there I relived these moments
with her.
Ahead at a distance I saw the beautiful fan tree that I
loved so much, that I pretended to be a bird in and climbed
and played under - this beautiful tree with its trunk spread­
ing out and vines hanging down making it look so much
like an oriental fan.
I listened to the birds singing, and I glanced at my swing
swaying to the breeze in mid-air. Its lacy design made inter­
esting shadows on the grassy ground. I walked over and
flung myself face down in the swing to watch the little
insects crawling around, insects that I myself had created.
There really are not any pests or insects on the Astral Plane,
except those which the people manifest. Some of them I
thought were cute, and whenever I had enough information I
would manifest them for our garden.
I glanced up at the pinkish-orange sky and its colorful
clouds. Then I took the footpath back to the house und
stood in the doorway. Facing the garden once again and
shutting my eyes I tried to bum it into my memory forevt'()
I turned and walked slowly back into the house, stopping
at the door to my room. Going in I sat on my bed, on the
covers that looked like flowers and leaves woven together.
My baby coverlet, the one that my aunt had made with the
animals that changed color, I had made into a pillow. It
was one of many colorful pillows, most of which I had
designed and created.
As I sat on my bed, I looked around at this familiar
place, up at the ceiling, at the golden ropes encircled by
flowers, at the tree with its delicate swing, at the wall of
vines and flowers. I walked over to the sunken tub I had
made from sea shells and starfish, and ran some water out
164
of the golden fish spigots. There l sat sloshing my feet for
a few moments.
Then I looked over at the little wooden table that my
uncle had carved and colored to look like a tiny tree. I
remembered how much I loved it from the moment he gave
it to me. As I glanced again around my room, my room that
I had created, that I felt was as much a part of me as my
Soul, akin to my Soul, I could feel a warm liquid running
from my eyes down my cheeks. This emotional feeling that
I had never experienced before was welling up inside me.
I was crying for the first time in my life, since the day
of my birth. I realized that this pent-up feeling was being
released as the tears fell. There was a great feeling of satis­
faction, of releasing myself of these emotions. I sat quietly
and sobbed, watching the tears as they ran down my face
and dripped on to my hands.
I got up, splashed some water on my face, looked again
around my room and sighed deeply. "I'll never forget this",
I said to myself.
I followed the curved divider back into the living room.
The last place for me to see was the dining room above.
Slowly I went up the curving marbled jade stair, watching
as I went up, seeing the gently arching oriental bridges here
and there. Around the railed balcony I walked to the dining
area and sat down at my favorite carved oak table in the
very center. I manifested a cup of herb tea. And as I was
sitting, sipping the tea and thinking of how much I loved
this place and my aunt and uncle, I heard aunt Arena call.
The moment she saw my face, as I came down the stair,
she realized there had been a change. I went up to her and
embraced her. We held each other sobbing quietly. Arena
must have been experiencing tears for the first time too.
We stood there in silence.
She pushed me back at arm's length and looked into
165
my eyes. I said, "Aunt, you have taught me so much of the
beauty oflife. You made me understand that my father
really loved me. You have taken care ofme, and I am sure
that you are better to me than you would have been to your
own child. I have learned from you a great deal of
compassion. You have given me emotional st bility which
will carry me through my hardships on Earth, as you have
explained will come to me there. Through you I have
learned to look at things to see their beauty and quality,
and to pity those who are not as fortunate as I in their aware­
ness and station in life. I have yet to experience this fully,
and I know that I will need a great deal more compassion
for others. But through your loving face, which I will hold
in my memory forever, and through your beautiful hands,
and your words, I have learned a great deal more than most
people I know. I am thankful for all this, Aunt Arena, and I
will never forget you. You have given me life, and for this
I know my mother is eternally grateful."
Just then Uncle Odin walked up. I went to him and I
hugged him strongly saying, "I hope you heard every­
thing I said." He nodded. "That goes for you too," I said,
"because without you I would not have learned to laugh
when things go wrong. I would not have learned my sense
of humor. I learned from you to pass things on instead of
getting upset, to shrug sadness off, to reap great joy out of
the small things in life, to be unaffected by what others
would call disaster. Yes I have learned much through you,
Uncle - strength, how to keep going when life does not
work out right. I have learned to make things useful and
to not waste time."
"I am thankful to both of you for these great gifts you
have given me, and T am thankful for your sharing your
home with me and teaching me the unchanging Laws of the
Supreme Deity, and for making me aware of what I really
166
am. You have prepared me for the karmic burden which I
have on Earth. I have nothing to give you except my love.
Thank you very much."
We stood together for a few moments in silence. Arena
said that many friends were gathering outside to see me
off. I walked out our arched front door for the last time to
see all the smiling faces - Rimj, Zemura, Vonic, and many
others whose names have been lost in my consciousness
now. We never really called eachother by name.
Not much was said out there on the lawn. Each of my
friends gave me a special goodbye, where they passed their
hands slowly over their heart before clasping my hands and
pressing them to their lips. Or they would lean over and
kiss me softly on the third eye.
I felt very sad. I hated to leave Rimj. This was not a
goodbye, were his last words to me, but he would see me
again. My Aunt hugged me and said she loved me, that I
should remember that her strength was always with me
and she had great faith in me. I would do OK on Earth. My
uncle said that I would not be doing well in a material way
for a while, but that I would be doing well in a material way
later in my life there. We all knew that for a time our lives
would go in separate directions, but one day in eternity we
would see each other again as Soul.
I saw in each of their glances so much love and real
warmth that it shall fill me for the rest of my days, as long
as I can close my eyes and visualize all this. I knew that
whatever I suffer on Earth is worth it if anyone else will
be able to experience all these beautiful things. This I
remember about my last day there on Venus.
I stepped into the bubble car with my uncle, embracing
my aunt for the last time, feeling her cool lips on my cheek,
as I glanced into her beautiful sea green eyes. My uncle
would be joining me on the journey to the Physical Plane
167
in order to be able to finish his scientific work. Another
man, who had brought the ship, would also be joining us.
As we sped upand away I waved goodbye looking down
at their upturned faces and waving hands. One last time I
saw our beautiful home among the flowers and trees. For
a moment I wished I had not made the decision. I cuppeq
both hands around my eyes to try to keep that view a few
seconds longer.
We sped over the mountains so familiar to me. Off in the
distance I could see Teutonia, the great Temples of Leam­
ing which had been my home away from home.
·1could see the gold sand of the beach where I played and
loved to sink my toes, and the sparkling sea that I could
always hear in the distance from our house. All of these
things I took in for the last time, from thesky as I had never
seen and appreciated them before.
As we entered the clouds I pulled myself from the side
of the ship, took a deep sigh, and realized all of this was
forever gone in this lifetime. I prepared myself for my new
life and put my mind to thinking about these things, and
about what my uncle would be telling me. The ride to
Sahasra-dal-Kanwal was swift, and it was near the Moun­
tain of Light that we landed.
I waited while my uncle proceeded to meet the Master
and receive permission for using the special zone. Only
the spiritual travelers, their initiates, and those who are at
least one thousand years old on the Astral Plane have the
privilege of meeting with this Master. It is easy to under­
stand how people who live such long lives in this city can
believe they have reached the ultimate Heaven.
We were escorted on foot to the special zone. I am not
allowed to reveal its exact location. Few on Earth know of
the existence of such a zone and it is better that it remain
secret. Almost anything can be brought down to the Physi168
cal Plane through this zone, such as gold and powerful
inventions of the future.
A greedy person could misuse this zone for his own
purpose. This is the same zone through which a person
travels upward after death of the physical body. Here kar­
mic debts are weighed and the individual is then placed on
the plane he has earned in a spiritual sense. Within this
zone we entered a special room, a round room with blue
lights so bright that I could barely see anything. All ofus,
my uncle, the other man, and J sat cross-legged on the floor
and chanted a secret mantra. Mantras are words which are
very powerful instruments on any plane because they have
to do with sound current (vibrations), the basic fabric of all
creation. On the Astral Plane we normally chant to raise
our vibrations for Soul Travel. Now we were doing just
the opposite - lowering our vibrations to manifest a
physical body.
For a person who is totally at comfort living in the astral
body, manifesting a physical body is a shocking experience.
I had the same feeling of distress and discomfort that most
people have in leaving the Astral Plane. The whole experi­
ence is not easy to explain.
few mio11tes af chanting this secret word with our
eyes closed, it happened. The world seemed to cave in all
at once. I remember a brilliant white flash and fireworks
inside of me, a pssht sound and a ringing in my ears, and
a curious jerking motion of my body, as if all my muscles
were tensed at once. All of this happened in the same single
moment of shock. I felt dizzy and disoriented and could
barely·breathe, and my whole body felt uncomfortably
warm. Then I realized that the shell enveloping me was
the physical body!
I opened my eyes. We were sitting in the grass near a
small shiny metallic, circular vehicle, that was shaped like
169
one of your saucers upside down, and had a dome on top.
Off in the distance, miles away, was the city of Retz on the
Physical Plane of Venus.
It was frightening, this being inside of a physical body.
I continued having trouble breathing because I had never
done it before. And instead of the wide vision of my astral
eyes, I was looking through two little holes, my new physi­
cal eyes. To help you understand how miserable I felt,
imagine yourself suddenly being encased in a suit of annor
feeling restricted and clumsy, and knowing there is no way
out.
·When I tried speaking for the first time my voice sounded
foreign to me. I told my uncle I didn't like it, this being in
a physical body. He laughed. He said that I had to grow
accustomed to it. How was I supposed to grow accustomed
to something like this, I wondered aloud? Odin replied that a
person can get used to anything.
"But you have to tum your head to see!" 1 protested.
I was not accustomed to turning my head in order to see
because on the Astral Plane we have an awareness of what
is all around us. We also have an ability to change our
fonn and appearance. Here I was stuck in a body that was
unchangeable except for the facial expression.
My uncle agreed that it was limited, that I would have
to learn to keep my balance and walk properly. Walking
turned out to be most awkward. I was used to gliding or
simply appearing wherever I wanted to be. But the physical
body did not work that way. It had to be moved inch by
inch, step by step. I was the only one having much trouble
getting up and stretching my new legs. After all, I was by
physical standards only a seven year old child.
The Venus physical (at this upper density) looks much
like Earth's Nevada and Arizona. In the distance I was able
to see mountains and interesting vegetation. The weather
170
seemed dry and hot but not at all uncomfortable here. Retz
was in a secluded valley here just as on the Astral Plane. My
uncle had explained a few days earlier during our journey
through the astral, that Retz is a city existing fully on two
planes at once. The physical city is the spiritual of the
physical planet. The astral city of Retz existed first and the
physical city is a duplicate, while in the Great Transition
the reverse happened. The people recreated cities on the
Astral Plane as duplicates of the physical cities they had
left. Retz is truely unique.
It is unique not only in this respect. The city is covered
by a climate protection dome of approximately 80 kilome­
ters in diameter. Thus is has already existed as early as the
physical Venus still looked very much like Earth's desert
regions. Retz is hidden deep in a valley. As the region is
covered by hot gases, only the city's geographical location
and its climate protection dome allow it to exist. The dome
is not transparent but made of disguising materials which
make it appear like being a part of the dreary wasteland of
the physical Venus. This is why Retz cannot be discovered
by earthly spacecraft, even though it physically exists on
Venus.
My uncle and the other man and I tested our new limbs.
I noticed that Odin had not changed in fonn, but his body
was less radiant. In fact, everything around us lacked the
wonderful quality of being luminous.
I was not sure how I myself looked. I would not be see­
ing a mirror until I landed on Earth, but I surely did feel
clumsy and heavy. With my first steps I felt as if I was
walking in a suit of lead.
Before we walked toward the ship, my uncle told me
about my special gift. My memento of Venus was to be a
sample of the plants and flowers that grew nearby in this
physical level of Venus. Together we collected about two
171
dozen of the most interesting ones and prepared them for
transport to Earth. These together with my ring and jewelry
were my only possession50
Taking me by the hand, Uncle Odin led me to the Venu­
sian "Convoy" (the saucer-shaped spacecraft). This was my
first experience with the convoy at times seen in Earth's
skies. On Venus alone there are several models of this
space ship, all of which run in the same way. Advanced
planets have their own versions and there are many sizes
and shapes.
The ship I was about to enter looked very much like
two saucers fitted together with the bottoms up. A raised
glasslike dome on top housed a coil, and just below and all
around, were small portholes. The ship had three metallic
hemi-spheres evenly spaced underneath.
· A'--liv
The outer surface of the ship was made of a specially
treated titanium material so that it can withstand the friction
and heat of atmospheric flight. Though it was very shiny
and metallic-looking, it was not like the titanium to be
seen on Earth. It had the translucent quality of fiberglass.
We entered through a circular opening in the lower half
of the craft. This door really amazed me. My uncle showed
us how it opened and closed. First a tiny hole appeared in
the surface where there was no sign of any door or opening,
not even a seam. The opening grew larger and larger much
like the shutter in a camera, until it was large enough for a
tall Venusian to walk through unimpeded. When it closed,
the circular opening became smaller and smaller until it
disappeared, leaving no trace of an opening - only a blank
surface. My uncle tried to explain to me scientifically how
it worked, but I didn't understand. It had something to do
with the separation of molecules.
Inside he showed me where to sit. In the very center of
the ship was a pole several feet in diameter reaching from
172
3 condenser coils
outer flange
one of 3-ball landing gear
(condensers)
lower view lens
3 cables to ball landing gear
(condensers)
Venusian Scout Ship
An illustration ji-om Glenn Passmore. It shows much of what Omnec
describes. Passmore delivers more outer details, while Omnec is more
focused on the inner details in the ship, but the descriptions don't stand
in contradiction to each other.
floor to the glass dome above. Surrounding it on the floor
was a big lens, through which I was able to see the ground
during the flight. All around the lens, at intervals, were
curved cushioned benches for the passengers. Here I sat
down with our companion pilot while my uncle took a seat
at the control panel, which was opposite the wall where the
entrance had appeared and disappeared. Uncle Odin started
the ship. There was a low hum.
l imagine my uncle had been trained to run this sort of
ship before we left Teutonia as he seemed to know what he
was doing. I was not very observant at the time because my
attention was on my new body and how uncomfortable it
felt. I do remember seeing all kinds of glowing screens on
the walls of the circular compartment with flashing colors,
173
grid patterns, and wavy colored lines appearing and disap­
pearing. The charts, Uncle Odin explained, helped him
guide the ship. They depicted the various atmospheric and
magnetic conditions around planets and in space.
The control panel looked very simple. My uncle sat in a
swiveling bucket seat facing a slanted panel with four but­
tons and a lever. Above the panel there were two screens.
One had what looked like a grid pattern of little squares
covered with colored zig-zagging flashing lines. Each
square was numbered and was a different color.
All of the screens must have in fact been very important.
One of the pilots was always watching them very carefully.
Another screen facing the pilot showed the actual view of
where the ship was heading. This screen was hooked up to
a number of tiny lenses located around the rim of the ship.
It was not until later that I was told how the ship worked.
Uncle Odin explained that, after we landed and went into
Retz for a few minutes, we would be boarding and traveling
in a larger mothership which carried many of these smaller
ships during deeper space travel.
The amazing thing about flying on board this craft is
that there is not the slightest sensation of movement. In
all my flights I have never felt the slightest air turbulence
or feeling of acceleration, or of ascending or descending.
When this ship makes a 90 degree turn at thousands of
miles per hour, the passengers feel as if sitting in a room
on the ground. A passenger must look out the portholes or
through the viewing lens to see whether the ship is moving.
Until I saw the ground receding below us, I did not know
we had taken off. The city of Retz passed below and we
landed on the opposite side, near the main gate. Space ships
are not allowed within the walls of the city.
,
The three of us disembarked and went on foot toward
that main gate. Although it was not easy, I did succeed in
174
walking for a short while, while Uncle Odin held my hand.
At times he carried me. We were on our way to the Temple
of Golden Wisdom to receive the blessings of the Master,
one of my favorites.
Retz on the Physical Plane was almost identical to the
astral city. I noticed this as we passed the gate and walked
on. Having been there so often before, I had no desire to
explore the city any further under these conditions. I had
little desire to do anything.
Retz is heavenly by Earth standards, but compared to
the astral city of Retz its beauty is limited. The colors are
not clear and bright, the buildings are not luminous and
the overall feeling is not the same. I could easily feel the
much lower vibrations.
The Master was just as beautiful as ever. I must explain
that a Master can very well work with people on a number
of different planes. This is one of the reasons he is called
a Master. At the temple we spoke to him, and he gave us
words of wisdom. I do not remember what he said, perhaps
because the message was not for other people to hear.
Aboard the ship once again, my uncle started it up with
the familiar hum. Again I would not have known that we
had taken off, but soon I could see Retz below us getting
smaller and smaller as we shot directly up. After a moment
we shot off at an angle through the upper atmosphere of
Venus. The sky became darker as we continued on, for it
had been close to dusk when we left Retz.
There was little conversation on this trip. I was so busy
looking at the features of Venus below us, I hardly noticed
as my uncle and his companion exchanged places to do
different things. Odin explained as he sat next to me that
this ship was only used for short distances within a planet's
atmosphere. Space travel would actually be on board a
much larger, cylinder-shaped space ship that could hold up
175
tofifty of these smaller craft. The mothership rarely landed
and it drew its energy from space itself - not elements
mined on the planets. The smaller ships, called convoys,
needed to be recharged regularly on the motherships.
As I looked around I saw that this craft was very simple
in design. In the center was the large circular cabin where
we were sitting. Above was a storage compartment for sup­
plies and repair parts. Though our technology is advanced,
we do have breakdowns and we do need regular mainte­
nance. We therefore carry special equipment for emergency
landings. Usually these small ships carry only a few pas­
sengers, but in emergencies a larger number can be safely
carried aboard.
There was also a walk-in room much like a pantry off to
one side. This was the circuitry room containing fuses and
wiring and flashing lights. Little children such as myself
were not allowed to go iit:,
I noticed in both of the pilots a sudden interest in the
charts, that something important was about to happen.
Then, through the viewing lens, I saw a huge dark shadowy
mass below us and off to one side - the mothership. Dots
of light, the portholes of the ship, were very well visible.
Slowly we floated closer and closer to the blunt nose of
the long cylindrical ship. Toward a slot of light we
descended until I felt a noticeable jar - the first in the flight
aboard this vehicle.
Odin explained that the rails of the mothership had
caught the rim of our circular craft, upon which we will
glide down to the spacecraft bay deep inside. All sensa­
tions of dropping ended and the door of the ship opened
against a small platform with railings. Then I saw a beauti­
ful woman, whom I recognized as a Martian, and a man
who looked Saturnian, there to greet us as we stepped out
of our ship.
176
.. c:
u
OlJ
C:
C:
177
Two attendants attached cables to the ship as the plat­
fonn elevator took us upward. At the entrance of a long
passageway we came to a stop and our two companions
took my hands and led the way.
First we came to the ship's lounge, a huge, long room
that was very simply decorated and could well seat over a
hundred people. Clusters of chairs, couches and tables were
arranged here and there. The color scheme was also very
simple. One area had blue carpets and yellow furniture of
muted colors, while the other end of the lounge had beige
and earth-tone colors. The room looked very pretty, very
elegant.
The lighting here and in fact all over the ship was the
same strange lighting that we had had on the ship. A soft
subtle light filled the air as if the air itself was giving off
light. There were no light fixtures and no shadows.
Along the walls of the lounge at intervals were perpetu­
ally running drinking fountains. I also noticed a portrait of
the perfect balance between man and woman, simply
called, The Deity, which I understand many ships have. I
was told this being is called Elam, Lord of the Physical
Plane.
The drawings on the walls looked so much like pho­
tographs that I could not tell the difference. There were
scenes of various planets, their cities, and a number of their
spaceships. The land and sea panoramas looked much like
those which can be seen on Earth, so universal are nature's
creations.
There was hardly any clutter in the lounge, and not a
single magazine or newspaper. A few sculptures sat here
and there, but that was all.
Beyond the lounge we came to the ship's dining room.
A long table set with delicious-looking foods waited for
us. All but a few seats had already been filled. At the head
178
of this table sat the Master of the ship, not the captain but the
Spiritual Master. Every Venusian mothership by custom
carries a Master.
On both sides of the table sat men and women in equal
numbers. They were from various planets. Although this
ship had been built on Venus, it belonged to no single
planet. It was shared freely by all members of the Broth­
erhood of planets. I recognized people from Saturn, Mars,
and Jupiter in addition to Venus. The Master of course (in
this case) was Venusian because this was a Venusian
enterprise.
No introductions were made as we seated ourselves at
the table. Rather than using names we all recognized each
other's presence in silence. Our people usually do not even
have names, but rather their own unique vibration. My own
name and my uncle's were introduced later, after dinner.
They called me Sheila, as I would be known on Earth.
All of the people said a blessing. Then we ate in silence.
Whenever a person had something important to say, we
would all stop eating and listen out of courtesy. Our din­
ner began with a salad of raw vegetables and a cheese
preparation. As an appetizer I was able to have a piece of
my favorite fruit, yunya. We did not have meat. Instead
we had a slightly cooked vegetable topped with a melted
cheese sauce. The bread was rather strange by Earth stan­
dards, dark brown, thin slices with a slightly sweet taste
like pancakes. The water we drank was unlike what people
of Earth are used to. It had a slightly heavier consistency,
like thin oil and was completely tasteless. Such water is
common on our planet. All of the food was delicious, even
for my delicate new taste buds.
After dinner the Master spoke to us and said that my
trip to Earth was unique in the way it was being arranged
because I would be arriving as a child with my full con179
scious memory. One reason was karmic, but there was also
another mission which would be revealed later.
The Master went on to say that later in my life more
light would be shed on my real reason for being on Earth
(and for coming in this way). My trip was special because
I was not going only to fulfill my own personal Karma.
He concluded with this thought, "Later in life people will
admire her for her courage."
The mothership was an interesting place. The crew
always seemed to be busy. There was piloting navigation,
maintenance and repair, food preparation (now that mani­
festing was being given up) supplies control, and servic­
ing of the shuttle craft, not to mention the many scientific
projects. I learned that two crew members worked each job
for two days before being rotated to another job. This meant
that everyone was able to work every job on the ship from
piloting and navigation to operating the cooking machines.
At the end of every period a general meeting of the ship's
crew was held. I was able to watch two sessions, one on the
first day after the special dinner and another on the second
day just before entering Earth's atmosphere. The trip to
Earth lasted about two days.
After dinner I was fitted into a special space-wear which
looked very much like a ski-suit. Then I watched and lis­
tened as the meeting was held. It was really more of an
informal discussion where reports were given and new
ideas were shared. Problems were always shared with all
of the crew to help generate creative solutions. There were
reports of the ship's progress and the latest developments in
experiments that the scientists were constantly conducting.
One of the main reasons for these ships roaming in
space is for the sake of learning. A crew of scientists was
always on board to study conditions in planet's atmo­
spheres and analyze changes in and on the planets in space.
Our people are attracted to space because we do not know
everything.
If the scientists learned something new then this was
shared with the rest of the crew. And every day the results
of tests and experiments were made known -what had been
learned and where the continuing problems were.
I did not remember any of the specifics from that meet­
ing because my interest only went so far. I had been given
a present of an art kit, and I finished all the coloring with
the help of two women crew members.
That evening my uncle mentioned the various things
children on Earth can play with because they could not
create their toys as on the Astral Plane. Coloring books and
crayons were among them. This was similar and I liked it
but was not allowed to take it along with me.
My first experience with sleep came upon me unexpect­
edly. At first I was not aware of the need for sleep because
on the Astral Plane this was more a resting of the mind. As
long as my mind was alert I did not need to rest my astral
body. Since manifesting a physical body, my experiences
had been so new and strange that I never once thought of
sleeping.
I was in the lounge, just sitting and listening to nearby
conversation when all of a sudden I felt my head drop,
klunk. I jerked awake frightened, not knowing what this
all meant. My physical body is behaving very strangely,
I thought.
It kept happening over and over again until someone
walked up to me. He explained that I had a physical body
now, and if I did not take rest then my body would do it
on its own. Even if my mind was alert, he said, my body
would fall asleep. That was the way it worked. The con­
scious mind would just completely go. With that I went to
sleep.
180
l 81
Next day I had a tour of the mothership. First I went to
see where the small ships entered on rails and glided down
to the hangar area below. Each time that a ship needs to
be recharged, a man attaches clamps to the rim and pulls
a lever. The red coil then glows for the entire recharging
period.
I was also shown the lower level at the opposite end of
the ship where the saucers exited through another airlock.
The mothership had three levels. The bottom level had the
actual hangar area where up to fifty shuttles could be stored.
The middle level contained the lounge, dining room, and
tlie two pilot rooms. One pilot room was at each end of the
ship. I did not get a look at these rooms because my inter­
est was not there. My escorts explained that they were not
much different from a shuttle's control area, only larger in
scale and more specialized. The pilot's compartments also
had a viewing lens set in the floor, much more powerful
than those in the shuttles.
Almost every room, especially the lounge, offered a
clear view of space through the portholes. This is where I
eventually had my first glimpse of Earth.
The upper level of the mothership was divided into
sleeping rooms and storage areas. Each of the rooms was
like a motel room with beds that let out of the wall. In
daytime they were sitting rooms with desk and chair. Each
room also had a fountain and washroom.
Vonic had taught me about sleep and elimination and
the other functions of the physical body, but at that time I
didn't understand the concepts, having had no physical
body in this lifetime.
One of the women on board explained what the toilets
were and how to use them. I had wondered aloud on that.
Though each room could sleep two people, a crew mem­
ber customarily had his own private room with a space
182
view. Every two rooms shared a porthole. There were about
60 rooms in the mothership, but not all were occupied.
Time passed quickly aboard the ship. It was toward the
end of the second day that one of the crew members
motioned for me to join him at the porthole. There was the
Earth, a blue and white ball against the dark background
of space!
The blue areas, my friend explained, were oceans. The
swirling clouds made strange but pretty patterns over the
oceans, I thought. A part of the globe was dark, where
night had not yet been transformed into day. So this was
the planet where I would soon be living.
The mothership entered only so far into Earth's atmo­
sphere. Our convoy was to take us the rest of the way. At
the hour of our departure everyone gathered in the lounge
to say goodbye. Some gave a handclasp as a farewell and
others gave an embrace, depending on their own cultural
backgrounds. My uncle and I and our companion pilot
walked through the hallway and doors toward the space­
craft bay. Again we stepped onto the platform elevator as
two protective railings swung into place behind us.
The same shuttle in which we had arrived was waiting
for us. Odin took the controls and I sat down around the
viewing lens. In a moment the door closed and I could feel
the ship gliding smoothly and silently down the rails to the
airlock and hatch below.
Then I saw the Earth getting larger and larger as we
descended and approached the border between night and
day. Soon after that a giant range of mountains came into
focus. My uncle pushed an inconspicuous button near the
viewing lens. One lens slid away as another took its place.
We no longer needed such great magnifying power. Our
best lens is so powerful that the passengers aboard a craft
like this can see people walking down the street while the
183
ship is still so high that it is barely a speck in the sky. A
protective cover slides over the lens to protect it from grime
when the ship lands.
We skimmed the tops of those mountains and the lights
of villages in the valleys below flitted past. The country
we were entering looked magnificently beautiful. As our
ship approached the light side of Earth, I was awed by the
huge mountains and lush green valleys. Our destination, my
uncle said, was a spiritual city in the Himalayan Mountains
known asAgam Des. Most of the space pe first arrive at
Agam De row accusiomed to the lower vibrations ofthe
planet Earth.
--
184
t
Chapter Nine
Brotherhood of Planets
G'/ hen the day comes for Earth's astronauts to land
Won
Venus and Mars for the first time, they will find
signs of human life. The same is true of the other planets
of the Brotherhood. The Brotherhood is of course well
aware of Tythania's astral civilization (as well as others).
For some time our people on astral Venus have been mani­
festing physical bodies to re-colonize the physical level of
Venus, or to live on Earth.
I cannot say how life on the planet has changed since I
left Venus. Perhaps other people of the brotherhood who
now Jive on Earth will be speaking about their lives on
other planets.
Trying to learn about the many varieties of culture
on other planets is like counting the grains of sand on a
beach. Studying Earth's many different cultures would be
kindergarten work compared to studying life in this vast
Brotherhood.
It is the spiritual maturity of the Souls inhabiting a
planet which determines, to a great degree, what its life
will be like. The more spiritually developed the individuals
become, the less complex their life becomes and the less
dependence there is on material technology. More depen­
dence is placed on the natural power of the Soul working
through mind.
At first the life on a planet is simple and primitive but
it isn't long before a technology emerges and becomes
185
complex. Then the planet reaches a point where its tech­
nology is much like we find on Earth today - somewhat
advanced but very complex. A final stage is that which can
be found on the more advanced planets, where technology
has become more simple again and at the same time more
advanced.
For example, walking is a simple yet limited method of
transportation. A more complex way of getting around may
be to ride a horse. Still more complex and more advanced
is the use of automobiles. But traveling in the Soul body is
even more advanced still, yet much simpler than any other
way of traveling in the lower worlds. Other planets are all
at some point on this scale, on their way to a simple but
technically advanced way of life, all depending on their
spiritual progress.
Some planets experience a greater lag, such as Earth.
Then everyone in the solar system becomes concerned.
Whenever technical progress outruns spiritual maturity,
great difficulties lie ahead.
As T mentioned before, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn,
Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto do have human life in their
appropriate form. I also learned that the planets beyond
Pluto are uninhabited and are yet unnamed. This may have
changed since I left Venus.
Originally there were only four planets - Mercury,
Venus, Mars and Jupiter. The remainder of the twelve were
formed since then through a continuous natural process of
creation and dissolution. Planets are constantly forming
and being destroyed, contrary to what many Earth scientists
seem to believe.
Atomic testing on Earth can be a serious matter because
what happened on Mercury can happen to Earth. A shift
in the orbit sent the planet closer to the sun and the people
were forced to leave. Fortunately Saturn was uninhabited
186
at the time and space travel on Mercury was advanced
enough to make an evacuation possible. Earth may not be
so fortunate.
The truths of the Laws of Supreme Deity (natural law)
are well known and accepted on other planets of our solar
system. All that these planets have in common as opposed
to Earth results from the population living under spiritual
law and making these truths the most important part of
their lives.
We do not see fellow humans as the physical body or
mind, the state of consciousness, the attitudes, or any lower
qualities. These are only temporary masks. Each living
form is Soul expressing itself, and therefore we understand
all of life instead of judging it.
The people of the spiritually advanced planets are all
very well aware of the Law of Karma, how they will meet
face to face with all deeds and misdeeds. As well, they
know that death is not an end, but only a transition to
another world. An awareness of the Laws of Life makes a
huge difference in how people act.
Life on Earth would be transformed if alone the Law of
Kanna were understood and accepted. Only the inner
unfoldment of individuals will bring Earth out of its ages
of wars and tyranny. You have it because you still want it.
When you are fed up with it you will grow.
The common enemy of Soul is of course the Kai power,
which flows through the consciousness to control the mind
and emotions and thus create fresh Karma. Since thoughts
and feelings are always cause in this world, then a control
of thoughts and feelings is a control of destiny.
The negative flow through man appears as one or more
of the five passions- greed, anger, vanity, lust, and attach­
ment to material things. When these passions are in control
in the people as a whole, then life improves greatly and is
187
much like what exists on Venus and some other members
of the Brotherhood of Planets.
Through such inner control there would be no conflict
and war. The last interplanetary war in this solar system
took place before your society even existed. The outer
conditions of life always reflect the inner control of the
mind and emotions.
In trying to recognize people from Earth's neighboring
planets, something that is very noticeable beyond our phys­
ical appearance is our attitude toward other human beings.
We accept other people not on our terms but through the
awareness that each being is Soul and the lower worlds are
only a school.
If we meet someone on Earth who is prejudiced or who
feels badly about something, this is accepted because it is
a result of that person's level of consciousness; this is all
that person has learned. We realize that no one is wrong
because each person can only know so much until hav­
ing the experiences that change his attitudes and level of
consciousness awareness.
We Venusians are known to give out a feeling oflove for
all life, and we have a look of peace and serenity about us.
We are happy with any situation and accept it as an experi­
ence to help us grow, rather than thinking of it as something
negative, no matter how negative it may seem to be. It is
very easy to get along with people from other planets. There
is some inner quality which draws others to us.
We are not better than the people of Earth. We have only
had an opportunity to be born this time in an environment
that then was at peace with itself and that made spiritual
truths oflife available. Many ofus have also experienced
life on Earth in the past.
Each man has within himself the power to change what­
ever he does not agree with, simply by visualizing what he
188
*
would like to have. Most of Earth's people are nc
this power within, so therefore you tend to wor
people who have experienced and learned to see i
an opportunity to realize who and what we are, whereas
man on Earth does not realize the great potential within
himself as an individual. Each individual must choose the
path he will walk.
Balance and non-interference are areas oflife where our
people have shown much improvement over the centuries.
These are crucial to spiritual development in the lower
worlds on Soul's journey to Self-realization and God­
realization. They are lessons which many people on Earth
yet need to learn.
Non-interference is a spiritual law of freedom for each
individual. No two people think alike, feel alike, react alike,
or have the same attitudes and viewpoints, or are the same
level of spiritual unfoldment. Each individual has his own
personal universe which according to spiritual law must
be respected.
This is not recognized or understood on Earth, which is
the underlying cause of many of today's problems. If
people paid more attention to directing their own lives,
then there would be fewer troubles in the world. The more
you interfere in other people's lives, the more others will
interfere in your own. This is the Law of Karma in action.
Believing that another should be a certain way, or should
haye certain standards and attitudes leads to interference.
The ideal is to accept others as individuals, at their ow;
level, and going through their own lessons as Soul.
Interference includes pushing ideas or viewpoints O!}_
others, helping others or giving advice without permission1
oreven thinking that what another person isdoing is wrong.
To try to understand why others act, think, or feel the
way they do is much more beneficial that merely judging.
189
1t also helps each individual to understand himself better.
We do not dispute. We seek understanding and feel that
what the other has to say is the more important because
one already knows what he has in mind.
Balance is so important in life, so universally important
that beings throughout the lower worlds are trying to master
it. To not enter any extreme in life is one of the ways Soul
can be released from the lower worlds of time and space.
Unfortunately, very few on Earth are learning the lesson
of balance.
To be balanced as Soul means being balanced in every
way. Even in eating, a person must try to reach a balance
between positive foods and Kai foods. Sadly enough "civi­
lized" people on Earth eat mostly Kai foods.
Regarding desire, a person must always be able to walk
away from any thing or situation, otherwise he becomes a
slave to the things of this world. One must be neither for
nor against anything.
This treading the middle path sometimes seems like
walking the razor's edge. Spiritual man is at times a chan­
nel for spiritual power, and at other times for the Kai power.
The self-centered man is almost always the channel for the
Kai forces.
Completely eliminating the five passions of the mind
would mean being unbalanced toward the positive polarity
which is not so good either because he is not learning the
lessons of control. As long as a person is human he will be
able to enjoy the things of the physical world, but hope­
fully not become a prisoner of them. One of the purposes
of these revelations is to help man achieve a balance in his
Earthly life.
Balance must also be observed in man's dealings with
nature. A great deal of damage has already been done on
Earth to delicate ecological systems and continues to be
190
done. Ages ago people on Venus and Mars awakened in
time to realize that by destroying nature they are destroying
themselves. They began to respect nature by replenishing
what was taken from the soil and not destroying everything
to build cities and villages.
Unless the worldwide poor soil conditions on Earth are
remedied and the use of chemicals to grow und protect foods
is stopped, man will not survive another century on Earth.
On other planets there is no disease und average life­
spans are many hundreds of years. Our people show no
signs of aging beyond their twenties and early thirties.
Many causes are at play here, ranging from mental attitudes
to planetary influences.
If the people of Earth knew the truth about nutrition and
applied it, then you could expect the same excellent health
that we enjoy. Most diseases known and feared on Earth
are actually caused by the food people eat and do not eat.
Expecting general health after eating poisoned and
deficient foods is like expecting your car to run on milk
instead of gas.
Diseases are nothing more than symptoms. The causes
lie at three levels - thought, emotion, and physical action.
Negative thou hts and emotions will eventuall reflect in
the p ysical body's ailmen s.
Transportatio thmgson Venus is done with energy­
matter converters. The sending unit converts matter to
energy while the receiving unit converts the energy back
to matter. Levitating machines had been used extensively
before then. Their development came at about the same
time magnetic power was first used for space travel.
Space travel has been tightly woven into the fabric of
our lives for many centuries. Our motivation in leaving the
surface of our planet has always been to learn more about
the universe and its natural law.
191
A great number of scientists and professional men crew
our ships, both the motherships and the convoys. Since
change is such a basic reality in the lower worlds, we
always find something new to observe and learn.
There are many advantages to belonging to the Brother­
hood. All of the planets but Earth joined in a common bond
for the same reason that any two people with common
interests and concerns join together.
We are always prepared to assist another planet or space
ship in distress, or to share minerals and plants not found
abundantly on a neighboring planet. Our scientists work
together on common projects to bring into existence the
wonders of imagination.
In every solar system the Kai Na-ar or negative child,
as 'Ye call the planet Earth, causes much concern. (The
Venusian name for Earth using English letters to create
the sound, is Jhlata Geum.) Often in its growth it becomes
a menace to its own survival and that of nearby planets.
Ages ago the Moon became a base of operations in our
work with Earth. Here we built elaborate colonies and
transportation networks in secluded valleys and craters.
Much more wj)! he made known ahont this fact io the nea..r
f Amoog omfacilities are huge hangars where our
motherships cao be safely serviced and stored.
Your public has been totally misled in its understanding
of the Moon. Moons are not dead satellites but small planets
just as carefully designed as the sun-orbiting planets are.
Earth's Moon does have an atmosphere and is suitable for
human life, and its surface does have water, vegetation,
bacteria, insects, and small animals.
Most of the Moon's surface is desert and the tempera­
tures become hot. Yet our people as well as other visitors
can and do survive in the open air without environmental
headgear. Over time the human body can adjust to the
192
rarified atmosphere. Not only was I taught as a child that
Earth's moon was inhabitable, but during an out-of-body
experience I saw this for myself.
During the time we were on the mothership, my uncle
sat down with me to explain some of the secrets of space
travel. Our tremendous technical growth is a result of our
harnessing the nature forces instead of working against
them.
Our spaceships, both the motherships and the saucer­
shaped convoys, are able to perform what seem to be
wonders by using the natural energies of space - solar and
magnetic energy. Not only are our ships unaffected by
gravity and friction, but they also can maneuver at tre­
mendous speeds.
Observers on Earth have clocked our ships on radar
incredible speeds. They have seen sharp-angled turns at
thousands of miles per hour, and unbelievable rates of
acceleration and deceleration that theoretically would crush
all the occupants on board.
The secret lies in the use of magnetic power and mag­
netic fields, as well as solar power. Every mothership and
every small shuttle ship contains within it what appears to
be a central shaft or pole. In the mothership this pole lies
lengthwise, whereas in the convoy it is visible in the central
cabin, running from top to the bottom. This shaft acts as
the magnetic pole of the ship and it helps create a magnetic
field like that around and within any planet. Just as Earth
has a north pole and a south pole, so do our spaceships ha
ositive and negative magnetic charges.
The power needed to create a strong gravitational, mag­
netic field is derived directly from the sun. In the convoy,
under the glass-like dome atop the ship and atop the mag­
netic pole, sits a coil coated with a rare kind of crystal.
This crystal material very efficiently converts solar
193
v',•t\..r k'.\t- v's ,,....,_.r,.h1< JJ_,.
ve-J:J t'tl<-c-l,
energy into magnetic energy. Together with the solid gold
pole the necessary magneti'Z'field is created. Gold is one
of the very best conductors of magnetic power.
Once it has been properly adjusted, the magnetic field
makes the convoy or mothership an independent being
unlike your aircraft and spaceships, which are subject to
Earth's magnetic field and the atmosphere. Thus our ships
are like tiny planets in themselves. This independence of
a planet's influence is called weightlessness.
In flight our ships are in a state of balance with the
planet itself. When the power is turned on, the ship has
become weightless. In order to fly to or from a planet's
surface, very little push is needed. Friction with the atmo­
sphere is effectively eliminated by the magnetic and high
energy fields surrounding the ship. It is as if the ship were
deep in space, unaffected by planetary gravities and atmospheres.
The polarity of the pole in the convoy is reversed in
going to or from the surface. Horizontal flight or push is
created through three charged metallic spheres which make
up the understructure of the convoy. They are basic features
of the machinery of this type of craft just as the magnetic
pole is a normal part of the machinery and operating appa­
ratus of all versions of these ships.
The spherical understructures of these ships also have
magnetic poles and are electrically charged. Rotating the
undercarriage on which they are mounted shifts that ship
to another magnetic line of force. The speed of our ships
is limited only to the activity of space, not to any arbitrary
eed of light. Extremely high velocities are very danger­
ous in a planet's vicinity.
There is not the slightest feeling of movement or accel­
eration on board, no matter how severe the maneuver. In
a split second our ships can come to a stop without caus-
194
ing the least bit of strain on the pilots or passengers. The
interior feels like a motionless room.
This is because the ship is independent of outside forces.
Braking the ship to a stop would at the same time brake
the pilot to a stop, and relative to the ship he feels nothing.
The fields around our ships also prevent mid-air colli­
sions. Ships bounce off each other without jolting the pas­
sengers. On the other hand, Earth's aircraft do not have this
protection. We also run when our ships are shot at because
the bullets bounce back to Earth. This has been confused
by some to the idea that our ships have shot back.
Our force-fields protect against friction within atmo­
spheres as well as bombardment by meteorites. Although
the titanium hulls of the motherships and convoys are a
help, most of the protection comes from energy fields. This
is not ordinary titanium, but titanium treated with a certain
ray which also creates the translucent effect.
Only the motherships are self-sufficient. Some of the
energy needs of the convoys are recharged within the moth­
ership's maintenance bay. Convoys are not intended for
long journeys. Motherships draw all their energy directly
from space.
Life on Earth would certainly be revolutionized if the
secrets of magnetic power were introduced. Imagine for
yourself the changes that would come about if energy were
free and magnetic powered ships were available to every
man.
However, the negative powers have a strong hold on
Earth. Anything which may give more power and freedom
to the individual is considered a threat, and this includes
the Laws of The Supreme Deity.
In areas of technology, inventions which are good for
the people but bad for those in power are usually locked
away or destroyed, or at least discredited.
195
Earth owes much to the electrical inventor Nikola Tesla.
Without him Earth would not be where it is today. At one
time he worked with Thomas Edison in designing electric
motors and generators. It was Tesla who was responsible
for the power system at Niagra Falls. By the time he had
reached his 70s, Nikola Tesla had more than 700 inventions
to his credit.
But Tesla was too advanced for his time. Even Edison
turned against him and tried to discredit his more brilliant
ideas. Tesla pioneered in tapping the unlimited energy
available from the Earth itself, and understood that energy
does not need to be generated at great power plants.
Those who knew what Tesla was talking about at that
time succeeded in discrediting the man and his ideas, and in
that way kept the secrets of magnetic power from benefit­
ting the world. Tesla's own words tell us what he was aim­
ing at, "The most valuable application of wireless energy
will be the propulsion of flying machines ... "
Upon his death, Tesla's laboratories were Joe
and over t e years the memo of his greatness has all but
aded away. Few people on Earth know t at he ever existed
and fewer still know that he came here from the planet
Venus to help you.
196
Chapter Ten
Agam Des
/"ur ship landed deep in a valley among the towering
V peaks of Kashmir. Through the porthole I could see in
a distant valley the tops of buildings of an Indian City. It
was early morning and the sun was shining brightly, illumi­
nating the steep faces of the mountains. From this first view
I decided that Earth certainly looked like a beautiful place.
As we walked from the convoy, I looked back to see that
it was sitting neatly in a clearing within a wooded plateau.
For what seemed like hours, we climbed up the steep slopes
ahead of us. Walking had been difficult enough, but this
was almost unbearable. The feeling of being inside a suit
of armor persisted and my legs were painfully heavy.
I had not yet glimpsed my new body in a mirror, but I
felt so clumsy that I was certain I looked grotesque.
The hillsides around us looked very strange. Blotches of
snow covered most of the grass and yet it was not the least
bit cold. My uncle explained, in answer to my question
about it, that the air was very thin so high in the mountains,
therefore, it could snow without being so cold.
Ahead of us we saw a wooded plateau upon which stood
a giant fortress of wood and stone. This was the physical
counterpart of the spiritual city, Agam Des.
Stairs of stone led up the hillside to a wooden gate and
fence that surrounded the fortress. Inside we came upon
gardens of flowers and vegetables and an assortment of
fann animals. My uncle and I and the companion pilot
197
walked up a neat stone path and approached the huge
wooden door with iron rings.
Just then the doors silently opened inward and a hooded
figure in a monk's robe stood before us. He was a stately
man with a long flowing beard and blue eyes. He greeted
us. "Your rooms are waiting." He led us to our sleeping
quarters which I, within my fatigued body welcomed very
much.
Agam Des is the greatest spiritual city on the planet
Earth, headed by the Master Yaubl Sacabi. From all outer
appearances, Agam Des is much like any Tibetan monas­
tery, yet here live some of Earth's greatest spiritual giants.
Yaubl Sacabi is among those adepts who have chosen to
immortalize their bodies and whose age is beyond human
belief. He is reputed to be several thousand years old within
the same physical body.
For centuries space travelers have arrived at Agam Des
to adjust themselves to Earth's coarser vibrations. Agam
Des also has one of Earth's Temples of Golden Wisdom,
the other one being the Katsupari monastery in Tibet. These
temples hold the ancient teachings we call Laws of the
Supreme Deity as respected on Venus since long ago.
Physically Agam Des is one giant square building with
stone floors and dark, dark wooden walls. Candles provide
the lighting. They are set in candle-holders at intervals
along the walls. In the middle of the building is a large
dining hall with a fireplace. Adjoining it is a large cathe­
dral-like meeting room for spiritual chanting. Just inside
the gates is a courtyard with animals, gardens of herbs,
vegetables and flowers.
Along the perimeter of the building are the individual
sleeping rooms - about 50 in number - very simply fur­
nished. Each has a single bed with a nightstand that holds
books and a few personal belongings. There is also a picture
198
of a spiritual Master in each room. No one at the temple
enters another's room unless invited.
Everyone at Agam Des rises with the sun, I learned on
the first day. I had been told the night before that a bell
would ring to summon me to breakfast.
A rooster was crowing in the yard as I heard the bell
ringing in my sleep. I noticed that the robe I was to wear,
with its rope belt and hood, was woven of a coarse material
like a potato sack. I also noted it was too big for me.
Looking out the window, I saw a sea of mountaintops
below us stretching to the horizon, and the rising sun in
an orange-pink morning sky. A warm breeze caressed my
face. The window was nothing but a square opening in the
stone with wooden shutters to each side.
The dining hall was already filling as I entered and took
a seat at one of the long tables. Each table could seat about
twenty-five. At the head of the middle table sat a Master,
and at the heads of the other tables sat the higher initiates.
Our breakfast was a piece of fruit, a bowl of rice and
herb tea. That was all. The meals at Agam Des turned out
to be very simple events, twice each day. In the mornings
we had brown rice and a root plant from the mountains,
together with herb tea. Every other day, a piece of fruit and
Yogurt was served.
In the evenings, we ate a salad of fresh greens without
spices or dressing. Meat or fish was served every other day.
Alternately, we had a combination plate of a vegetable and
a starch. Throughout each day we drank herb tea and fruit
juices, and sometimes I was treated to goat's milk.
The food was very bland but goot,Gradually during my
stay at Agam Des, spices and other additives from the
village were added to my diet. This was so that I could
adjust little by little every day to the American food I would
soon be eating. As it turned out, during my first years in
199
Tennessee and Arkansas, my system reacted violently to
practically everything I ate. Food in America is so depleted,
processed and poisoned, that we can rightly call it a tragedy.
During breakfast that first morning, I noticed that my
uncle and his friend were not there. I assumed they were
off somewhere together, perhaps arranging to have the ship
taken back to the mothership.
After we had finished eating, I was given the chore of
working in the garden, gathering vegetables for the evening
meal. Every visitor and monk atAgam Des pays for his stay
with a daily chore. This is how the place is maintained. On
some of the days, I fed the animals or milked the goats. I
did not speak with the monks very much because they had
rules about not talking unnecessarily.
In the mid-morning, l sat with the monks and listened as
they had their music hour, when they practiced their vari­
ous instruments. The ones who did not have instruments
chanted in a song-like way.
Chanting took place every day in the chanting hall,
where the men gathered to sit on benches, or on the floor.
I loved the chanting. It was so beautiful and musical that
I felt as if l could just be carried away on it. The monks
chanted every morning and evening, each time with a dif­
ferent mantra, for the purpose of having an experience on
the higher planes.
I soon learned that life at Agam Des was very balanced
and orderly. As a matter of fact, the men had strict habits.
Everything was done at exactly the same time from day to
day.
After noon, everybody had a free hour to run personal
errands, visit the villages, take a nap, or do whatever the
individual desired. During my free hour this first day, I
did not wish to take a nap, even though I was very tired. I
wanted to look around. I walked outside through the gar200
dens for a while and then sat down by a little stream. I was
deep in thought when the bell rang signalling the lesson
time was beginning.
For the chelas (students) who lived at Agam Des, this
was a time for lessons in the Laws of the Supreme Deity.
For visitors like myself, it was time to meet with a tutor.
My teacher, this first day, covered quite a few subjects.
We talked for a while on how mathematics in the western
world worked, and how the American school system was
set up. He explained what kindergarten was, and the fact
that each child was expected togo to school from the age of
five or six. He also explained to me what repo1t cards were.
His comment was that it was not a very good system,
but that nothing better was available. It would not be like
what I was accustomed to. He taught me to spell a few
words and to write the ABCs and read a few passages. All
this was rather easy.
He explained what I had been told so often before. I
would not find my spiritual teachings anywhere, and I
would not find anyone who would understand them until
later in my life.
People's attitudes toward other races were not what I was
accustomed to. The darker races were considered inferior.
I had a hard time accepting this, remembering the royal
race of Jupiter. I supposed that I would live with it and try
to understand why this happened.
The monks at Agam Des did not make known their
names, because at the time, the spiritual teaching was very
secret. This was for their protection because people in the
villages harbored negative attitudes toward any teaching
which was not an accepted Indian or Tibetan path. I would
face these kinds of prejudices a lot more as I grew up.
In the following weeks I learned many new things about
Earth. Sometimes the tutor and I would sit in the room with
201
/
our books, or we would go out into the forest to learn about
the different plants, trees and flowers. In the herb garden,
I was shown various herbs and their uses, and why certain
kinds were taken in teas at certain times of the day.
I spent many days practicing walking, sitting, climbing
stairs, and doing all s01ts of physical exercises. I had only
little time in which to lose all my self-consciousness and
the haunting feeling of being in a suit of armor. Every day,
I had a lesson in balance, where I practiced standing on
one foot, hopping on one foot, walking and running. In our
walks outside, I would jump over puddles, or climb trees
while one of the monks watched my progress.
During my stay at Agam Des, I worked with several of
the teachers, one for each subject. It was always someone
who was interested in the field and had studied it in depth.
I was taught the history of the United States as well as the
present situation. The cold war was explained to me, how
the people were afraid of being bombed by an enemy.
When I told my first teacher how clumsy I felt, he
arranged to borrow a mirror for me from one of the villages
in the valley. No one at Agam Des possessed a mirror. I
was very excited about this because I had not yet seen my
new body, and it helped my attitude to see that I was not as
coarse and bulky as I felt. The monks told me that by Earth
standards, I was actually very delicate and beautiful. I must
admit, I looked all right and felt less clumsy afterward.
After lesson time on my first full day at Agam Des, we
enjoyed a treat of herb tea and a dark bread with goat
cheese. Afterwards, we made our way to the forest for an
outdoor chant, and by the time we arrived, our food had
been well digested. We sat down.
The chant was explained and I was told what plane it was
from. Then we chanted. I can only say that my experience
was exhilarating, enlightening and indescribable.To bring
202
us back to Earth, the initiates spent the next half-hour with
us in a question/answer period.
Next on the monks' schedule was recreation time, a time
of exercise classes and sports that I was not allowed to join.
My uncle and his companion suggested that we go for a
walk toward one of the villages. Odin told me all about
the street markets of these villages, which I found very
interesting. Here were sold all sorts of handicrafts: rugs,
jewelry, pottery, clothes, and more.
I was rather excited about going into the village and see­
ing all these things, but my uncle explained that this would
not be possible. Our light skin and hair may attract too
much attention because the natives were very dark people.
A number of the villages were Communist-controlled or
had authorities that would want to see papers and creden­
tials.
Along the way, my uncle pointed out various interesting
buds, plants and animals. I was especially fascinated by the
pheasants and wild peacocks. We arrived back atAgam Des
shortly before dinner, and I went to my room to rest from
our walk. There I looked at the plants from Venus and the
jewelry from my mother, all the time wondering about my
new life in the United States. The ringing of the dinner-bell
broke the silence.
During my stay at Agam Des, I saw Yaubl Sacabi about
three times; once during chanting time and twice for dinner.
Once every week the Master gathered with his children,
as he called them. Most of the time he was on journeys
through the mountains into the villages, or in contemplation
by himself to work in the Soul body on missions here on
Earth or somewhere on higher planes.
Yaubl Sacabi looks very much like an Indian, with huge
dark eyes and a dark olive complexion, and a beard. His
hair is silvery gray. He is a very quiet man and always car203
ries a smile. Rarely does he speak about spiritual matters
unless he is giving a talk.
The other Masters that I know of, Rebazar Tarzs and
Fubbi Quantz, have also retained their physical bodies for
spiritual missions on Earth. Rebazar Tarzs was directly
responsible for training Peddar Zaskq, also known as Paul
Twitchell, for missions in modem society. He taught the
Laws of the Supreme Deity. He will work more openly in
the spiritual awakening of Earth within the next few
decades.
At dinner Yaubl Sacabi blessed the food and told of
the purpose it was serving us. He welcomed Uncle Odin
and me and our companion, telling us that we were very
welcome at Agam Des. Speaking for all the monks he said
that they were honored to have us visitingAgam Des. The
Master did not say much more. All the monks did not know
we were from Venus; only my teachers and Yaubl Sacabi
knew this.
I liked to be close to the Master because of the way I felt
when he was around. His presence made me feel good. That
is the kind of person he was. And always when he was at
the table, he broke bread into a dish and passed it around
the table as an honor paid to his students.
All the men at Agam Des wore robes, and hoods which
they never let down in the presence of anyone else. They
were not beautiful by physical standards as society knows,
but beautiful in the feeling I got from them and in the even­
ness of their features. The monks and adepts at Agam Des
stmck me as being pure of countenance, very pure beings.
I was honored to be in their presence.
Agam Des is the home of an ancient line of Masters all
of which are adept at Soul Travel and have great responsi­
biIities in the spiritual evolution of Earth. Students of this
ancient science live here as well. All of the inhabitants were
204
men, mostly Indian men and a few westerners. Some of
them were very young, only twelve years old, but the ages
ranged up to several thousand years. It was impossible for
me to tell their ages from their physical appearance. Most
of them did have an ancient quality about them.
They were all very quiet, and did not talk unless it was
absolutely necessary. All of them had even, gentle voices,
and followed the same custom we of other planets had; not
intermpting another while he spoke. No one would begin
to speak until the other had finished.
The newest chelas of the spiritual teachings paid by two
years of service at the templ1These were the people who
filled the water dishes (for washing) in each room, and
helped with the maintenance. In this way the monks always
had help at the temple, and they always had new chelas.
After dinner on that first day, everyone helped with the
cleaning up. Some washed the dishes, some swept the
floors, and others cleaned the tables. Then everyone retired
to his room to attend to personal business, read, or sleep.
The first Earth book that I read, which one of the monks
had loaned me, was "Heidi". I enjoyed it very much.
Saturdays were spent gathering food for the next two
days and storing it in a spring house. This was a small
wooden structure which stood directly over and in a cold
mountain stream. Bathing was done in a small bath house
in the woods. Here was a large wooden tub with a cast iron
bottom that could be heated by a fire underneath. We also
had the choice of bathing in a cold waterfall at the stream.
·On Sunday there was not much work for us to do except
prepare the meals. The rest of the day was free. I slept very
late into the day and then went to play with the chickens
and baby chicks.
I sat and listened to the monks singing and playing their
instruments, and I loved to join them in the singing. One of
205
the songs they taught me sounds like this when translated
into English:
I'm a happy Soul today,
I'll be happy all the way.
Even if the sun don't shine,
I will shine all the time.
I'm a happy Soul today,
I'll be happy all the way.
Won't you be happy with me too,
"I'm a happy, happy Soul.
The monks at Agam Des always kept busy with their favor­
ite hobbies. They loved to sing and play musical instru­
ments, and quite a few of the men painted, but I do not
believe they ever sold their work. Some of the monks had
small herb gardens or helped in keeping the flower gardens
beautiful.
The weather was always pleasant. I enjoyed going out
and looking over the mountains down into the valleys. The
air was always clean and crisp, and the sun was always
shining here at the top of the world. Here I would stand,
and, closing my eyes, breathe deeply.
l learned a great deal from this time at Agam Des. I
learned to live more comfortably in the physical body und
to do everything with grace. As the days went on, J felt
less and less awkward and heavy. I learned much about
gravity, and I had to be very careful and adjust to physical
laws safely.
I surely had to watch my feet to see that they were always
firmly grounded, and I had to be very careful with objects,
to be sure that when I set them down, they were sitting
properly. On the Astral Plane, I could afford to be much
206
more careless. I suppose that throughout my life on Earth
the reason I am always getting bumped and bruised is that I
have never quite become used to physical laws. When you
bump against something here it is going to be painful; you
cannot think something out of your way. It is probably a
good thing that most people do not remember past lives on
the higher planes, because the limitations of the physical
world would seem quite unbearable.
After my first few days at Agam Des, my uncle sug­
gested that I try to dance. This seemed to be a good idea, but
I wondered how it would work out, considering the trouble
I had had in walking. At first I practiced my movements
in slow motion and day by day, they improved. I enjoyed
myself very much. The monks lent my uncle and our friend
a flute and a peculiar ancient-looking stringed instrument,
so that I could dance to music.
Dancing with a physical body was a strange experience.
The freedom of my astral body was gone. Dancing is much
more limited here on the Physical Plane. For when you go
up, you must come down. Instead of dancing grace­ fully
with the power of thought and more or less floating, here
you must physically keep a balance and control each
muscle. And instead of creating music instantly with the
power of thought, here someone must physically play an
instrument. Nevertheless, it was an exhilarating experience,
one I continued to enjoy.
My Uncle Odin spent time with me, sometimes to read
me a story, or relate funny incidents about when I was a
child. I could sense that he was sad about my leaving, but
he was a master in not letting it surface.
He answered my questions about things that I may have
missed under Vonic. I was told to watch my thoughts here
on Earth because, although they do not manifest instantly,
thoughts and attitudes do make the world what it is.
207
Children I learned, play a lot of imaginary games, but
they could not manifest what they were imagining as we
did on the Astral Plane. Earth children played house and
dressed up just as we did, but less elaborately.
After the monks found out that I was learning to dance
they requested that my chore be to dance for them after
meal-time. They rarely had any kind of entertainment, and
since my dancing was oriented toward spirituality, they
enjoyed it very much. This was a chore I loved.
Being from a higher plane, I was well aware of the high
spiritual vibrations at Agam Des. For years after leaving
this spiritual city, I wondered whether it really existed on
Earth. It seemed more like a place that could be found
on one of the spiritually advanced planets. Of course, the
whole idea is to provide a real cross-over point for visitors
from other planets and the other planes.
Anyone on Earth who studies what we on Venus call
Laws of the Supreme Deity receives most of his truth and
wisdom through inner channels. He is taken in the Soul
body to one of these temples, be they on Earth, Venus, or
higher planes, to learn from the Way of the Eternal, the
most ancient and complete scriptures on this planet.
Normally a student progresses from one temple to the
next, beginning, for Earth students, with the Katsupari
monastery in Tibet. The first book of the "Way of the Eter­
nal" is kept there, and the students learn under the Master
Fubbi Quantz.
The second book of the "Way of the Eternal"* is kept
at Agam Des, which I physically saw in my stay there. It
appears as a huge book enclosed in a glass case, very simple
in appearance, but holding some of the deepest secrets
known to spiritual man. Much has been written about the
* Original title: The Shariyat-Ki-Sugmad (Publisher's comment)
208
nine unknown and secret masters who are in charge of the
wisdom contained in these books.
A third book is kept in the House of Moksha in Retz, and
the next is in the Temple of Golden Wisdom in Sahasra-dal
Kanwal on our Astral Plane, under the care of Master Gopal
Das. This man took the Soul Travel teachings underground
in ancient Egypt several thousand years before Christ, when
he yet lived on Earth.
Additional chapters of the "Way of the Eternal" are kept
on successive higher planes for more advanced students
of the Laws.
Our last day at Agam Des was very special. We began
the day with a delicious breakfast of tea and honey cake
with sour cream. Our rice dish was mixed with herbs and
chicken, a rare treat for everyone at the temple.
During the afternoon, a special program was held in the
chanting room, a session of spiritual poetry, music, songs,
and chants. In a way, it seemed like a spiritual seminar,
because at the very end the Master Yaubl Sacabi gave a
short talk. Since the message was for his students, I am not
allowed to repeat here what he said.
That evening for dinner we were surprised by a feast of
lamb and brown rice and a cooked vegetable. A huge salad
and herb tea completed the meal. Once again, Yaubl Sacabi
broke the bread and passed it around. It was a royal end to
a royal stay at Agam Des.
We went to our rooms to gather our things, and all the
monks walked to the gate with us to say goodbye. We
waved and walked down the stairs, through the wooded
plateau one last time. My walk down the steep slopes was
much more graceful and comfortable than before, and it
seemed to be only a short while before we reached the
familiar level clearing where we had landed. After a short
wait, our ship appeared in the early evening sky.
209
Chapter Eleven
My Life on Earth Begins
{;)ny uncle had waited until dusk to travel, because we
I
U
l, could easily blend with the stars. We flew so
high that the cities below looked like sparks of light. Our
trip to the western United States would last less than an
hour.
I was busy during this flight (east), looking at the stars
and the surface below, and watching the flashing charts.
My uncle was trying to tell me more about the people of
Earth, about the things a child should know. He told me
again about the world of children, their attitudes and their
place in society. They were not allowed to make decisions
as on other planes, and were not considered to be complete
individuals as Soul.
As we approached the state of Nevada, I changed into
Sheila's dress. At Agam Des I had worn a robe and sandals;
these I gave to my uncle, and he gave me the package with
my flowers and jewelry. Around my neck I wore the ring.
The dress did look pretty, but I was not used to wearing
such short clothes. My hai(was combed as Sheila's would
be, and my Uncle Odin helped me put the hair barrettes in
the proper place. With my patent leather shoes and white
socks, I looked almost identical to the way Sheila would
look on the bus to Chattanooga.
A few hours after midnight our ship landed among the
mountains and desert wilderness of Nevada. We waited
inside for about 10 minutes while the energy field dis-
sipated and the peculiar humming sound died down; then
we got out to see the headlights of an approaching car. The
timing was perfect!
My uncle and our companion pilot went over and clasped
hands with the driver of the auto, speaking together for a
few moments. Then I was called over and given a warm
smile and a pat on the head. My uncle's Earth contact wore
an American suit and tie, and lived somewhere near here.
He would be giving us a ride to Arkansas. We got aboard
his auto and drove off.
As we bounced along over rocks and bumps, I had
trouble understanding what was going on. This feeling of
movement was new to me. Convoys feel motionless in their
flight, no matter how turbulent the air or how severe the
maneuver. Travelling in such a small vehicle as this auto
was frightening. Not only did my physical body feel like
a robot, but this robot was inside another machine which
was not too graceful either.
The exhaust and the smallness of the car were irritating
because I was unused to such things. But everything was
probably exaggerated in my mind; in fact the auto we were
riding in was quite luxurious by Earth standards - it was a
Cadillac Fleetwood. While I complained about the bumpy
ride, the men tried to explain Earth's antique methods of
travel, that fuel was used instead of natural power. That
explained the smell and the terrible noise. At least it seemed
to be noisy and smelly to my sensitive nose and ears.
I was sitting forward in my seat enjoying the beautiful
sunrise when suddenly our vehicle revolted against us, with
two trumpet blasts of anger. I let out a yell and covered
both my ears, falling back into the seat. "What's wrong?
What is it!"
My uncle and the driver glanced back to see my eyes
wide with fright, then broke out laughing. "That, my child,"
210
211
Uncle Odin said, chuckling, "was the horn. It's a sounding
device to warn other drivers."
"Oh." I said, relaxing, "I thought the vehicle was revolt­
ing against us."
We travelled well into the morning before stopping for
gas. My uncle explained that the auto's tank had to be
refilled every so many miles or the auto would stop. The
tank held only so much. He showed me the washrooms and
reminded me that I had to keep my body plied with liquids
and food, especially liquids.
Many people, he said, ate purely for the pleasure rather
than for proper nutrition. That is why the gas station had
so many snacks and soda beverages.
I had a royal initiation to American food. Odin began by
buying me potato chips. I noted that they were salty and
crunchy, and made a lot of noise when I ate them. Next
they wanted me to try a carbonated drink. I should have
guessed that something was up when I saw the Martian and
my uncle sort of laughing to themselves before handing
the bottle to me. With my first gulp, I knew! It was as if
fire had rushed down my throat into my stomach; it was
so strong I almost choked. As my eyes opened wider, and
wider filled with tears, the men just couldn't hold back
their laughter any longer. My new taste buds had not been
expecting anything like this. It was like giving a bottle of
pop to a newborn baby. Then I began to laugh too, realizing
that my uncle had succeeded in playing another joke on me.
Until sunset we travelled on what seemed to be an end­
less highway. The cars which rushed past us, going in
the other direction, frightened me for some time. I was
afraid that one of them would hit us. Sensing my fear,
Odin pointed out that the painted line on the highway was
a divider, but that sometimes, if a person was not careful,
then autos did collide. There was no barrier to protect the
212
cars from collisions. Auto accidents caused a great number
of translations (deaths).
There was also a certain beverage, my uncle went on to
explain, which the people drank for pleasure. Alcohol and
certain chemicals, called drugs, sometimes caused
accidents because of the way they affected people's mind
and perception.
My first experience with trucks shocked and frightened
me. I just about had a heart attack when I saw the mon­
ster coming toward us in the opposite lane - it was so big
and noisy! "What was that?" I yelled, "What was that big
thing?" Laughing again, they said I would be seeing a lot
more of those.
Uncle Odin explained that larger vehicles called trucks
were used tocarry supplies toand from different cities. One
city would have a factory while another may not, so the
trucks were used to supply other cities with whatever was
needed. People were paid with currency to drive the trucks.
Periodically, we made stops to eat, where I ate such
things as hamburgers and other foods very new to me. For
dinner I ate a steak, and I liked that, but I did not care for the
cooked vegetables because they were always overcooked.
Green salads were delicious also.
I found that cow-meat was difficult to chew at first; some
of it got stuck in my teeth, and we stopped to buy a tooth­
brush. My uncle suggested that I keep my teeth very clean
else they would decay.
He explained to me what restaurants were. People who
did not care to cook for themselves or who were travel­
ling would stop and have the food already prepared. In
exchange, they had to part with a certain amount of cur­
rency.
My uncle ordered the food and the waitress asked him
questions. He had, of course, changed into American
213
clothes before leaving the ship. Our driver was a Martian
ho lived on E t d had.a job ich
certainly a
:.paying job bec_ause hej1ad s,N\d!t deal..<lf.£u ncxThey told me that a large number of people from other
planets were living on Earth and had jobs here. Some of
them were married but most were single, unless they had
brought a wife along from the home planet.
Near the end of our first day in the United States, we
stopped to sleep at a place called a motor lodge or motel.
These were for people to spend the night, Odin explained,
because most autos did not have sleeping accommodations
as convoys do. I noted that we again used our currency in
exchange for staying at the room.
My uncle was very helpful in taking the time to explain
all these new experiences to me. Many ofmy lessons about
life on Earth could not be given in lectures but had to be
experienced, so these first two days of travelling in the auto
were very important for me.
Early the next morning, we were on our way again, and
my uncle and his friend took turns driving. Autos, they said,
were difficult to operate because the driver had to rely more
on the machine than himself. Often these autos would break
down, and the places that sold fuel would also fix cars in
exchange for more moneY:::7
Toward the afternoon of the second day, we were
approaching Arkansas, and there were more houses, more
buildings, more clutter, and more people. The more I saw
of people, the less I liked them. It made Tibet seem like
Venus because of the great difference in the consciousness
of people. Someone should have told me that Agam Des
was not like America.
Truely, I was worried about myself, feeling sorry for
myself for having to live with people like this. I could feel
the negativity as we passed through small cities and towns.
was
I could sense the greed and anger, and the bad auras and
feelings. As I picked up their thoughts, I found that their
attitudes were all very strange to me. Whoever had said that
parts of Earth were like the lower Astral Plane was right!
I sensed an overall feeling of nervousness, of mistrust
and fear. My uncle explained that the cause of this feel­
ing was currency, because currency was responsible for
inequality and caused mistrust as well as all the other big
problems in society.
Money was the basis for most problems, Uncle Odin
said, because it was the tool used by powerseekers to domi­
nate and control. Without currency this could not be done.
Society could not exist as it does now.
o.
The cities and towns I saw looked terribly unbalanced,
0
G:>"i helter-skelter, and not very clean. Builders seemed to have
d., ,,1.,tSmade all structures square and stacked on top of each other.
.>,.\.J<_ I could not understand why people would live like this.
Why didn't they have gardens and spacious grounds? I
never imagined Earth to be so very different from the world
I had grown upin. Uncle Odin told me that many people did
have gardens, but this was difficult to have in a congested
city. He told me about farms too, which made me feel better
about being here.
I could not understand how some of the people could
walk around locking the way they did, not caring if their
clothes were clean or their hair combed. I just could not
understand how they were able to look at themselves and
not see it. Clothing styles were abhorrent, I thought, and
everywhere were totally unesthetic sights. But the real
problem was actually within myself, in my attitudes.
l did not know any better because I had been protected
and led a different life. And of, course one of my reasons
for being here was to learn compassion. As I looked around
more and more, I began to have feelings that I had made
0
214
215
the wrong decision, because I would be living in a city like
the ones I was seeing.
My uncle spoke about the attitudes which a good number
of the white people had toward the black race, that the
attitudes stemmed from ancestors and parents rather than
from each individual.
There was little individuality on Earth because of the
dominance of parents over children, not letting them be
recognized as individuals. In other words, children were
just an extension of the adults with the same thought pat­
terns. Only if they left the home at an early age, or estab­
lished themselves on their own to have their own experi­
ences, could their attitudes about black people (or any other
prejudice) change.
Especially in the South, I was told, were these attitudes
about black people strong. I was to be careful about preju­
diced people because at times they take a violent stand for
what they believe.
Odin reminded me about the soon-to-happen bus acci­
dent. In taking little Sheila's place, I was to try not to be too
frightened amidst all the confusion. It was getting toward
evening when we entered Little Rock. Approaching the
outskirts, we noticed that it had begun to thunder and rain.
Suddenly we slowed down, and my uncle announced that
we had caught up with the bus. The huge vehicle had
stopped at a restaurant; we remained at a little distance.
The bus proceeded on its way through the pouring rain.
My heart was pounding away because I knew it would
soon happen, the bus would crash as Kanjuri had predicted.
The night got darker and darker, and then it happened!
The bus driver must have slammed on the brakes as the
car ahead of him skidded and slowed. In an instant, the bus
skidded sideways on the slick pavement, turning over and
slamming into the muddy ditch. Sheila had been sitting
216
behind the bus driver, and in all the chaos, the door ripped
open and Sheila was thrown out into the darkness. She was
among those who were killed!
My uncle stopped the car to let me out with my little
package of things. My goodbyes were said. His last words
to me were about the rescue service that would be dis­
patched to help the injured. I didn't need luggage because
hers was on the bus; and the driver had a note with grand­
mother's address, because Sheila was going under the care
ofTraveler's Aid, which helps children who travel without
their parents.
In all the confusion, people were scurrying around and
the sirens were getting louder and louder as help arrived.
The driver was trying to help people out of the ditch, and
others were climbing out of the bus windows they were
forcing up, for the bus was lying on its side.
In the meantime my uncle and the Martian got out tofind
Sheila's body in the mud and bushes. Darkness had fallen
and the stom1 persisted, and the police were having trouble
finding the injured and the dead with their flashlights. I
can only assume that my uncle was successful - Sheila's
body was never found by the rescue workers. That was
the last I saw of my uncle and my people for some time.
I was trembling and felt very alone, despite all that was
happening. I was crying too, for Sheila, hoping that she
had not felt any pain.
I stood for over an hour in the rain and thunder and
lightning. People were shouting and running, and sirens
came and went. In the shuffle, I was knocked down into
the mud and skinned my knee. I locked just as ifl had been
one of those involved in the accident, but had luckily not
been badly injured.
Finally, the bus driver walked up to me out of the dark­
ness. "Oh, there you are!" a lady said, "Weren't you on
217
the bus with us?" "Yes," I said nervously. I told them that
I was Sheila.
They helped me into one of the ambulance vehicles
together with the injured. Everyone was to be checked out
at the hospital because of the matter of insurance. As we
were racing through the city with sirens screaming, the man
in the white suit asked me if I was okay and he bandaged
my knee. In the hospital, I sat in silence.
Chapter Twelve
Resumee: Compared to Venus
Q iou as Soul came into the worlds of polarity for one
-U
This is the first part ofmy autobiography. In the second
part with the title "Angels Don't Cry" I am telling the story
of my struggle for survival in this sometimes very cruel
world of Earth and its inhabitants. Only the angels could
hear my lonely crying while I continued with my mission
here - a mission with the goal of balancing old karmic
debts and of helping people recognize their true origin
beyond this planet. Eventually, with the help of a few
loving friends, I started to accomplish this goal and was
finally able to become Omnec again. But I noticed by then
that by publishing my books alone I would not fully
accomplish my mission. There is much more for me to dotasks which I can recognize more clearly and will be able
to accomplish better after having lived through all the
painful experiences.
218
reason alone, to have the experiences which will
lead to becoming a conscious co-worker with the Supreme
Deity. It is a truth the Venusians have long been aware of,
and this awareness reflects in our way of life. Learn­ ing
from new experiences is an inseparable part of each
individual's life.
Every day we strive to learn more about ourselves as
Soul, and more about the many planes which we may
explore. We look carefully at experiences and situations
to see what lessons they hold for us. On Earth, the inner
and outer lives are neatly handled by religion and formal
education. Religion supposedly takes care of the inner,
spiritual life; while the educational system takes care of
learning about the outer, physical life.
As a child in Chattanooga, Church and School were two
very prominent areas of my life. In both I could not help
but be disappointed, as they reflected the consciousness of
Earth. They gave little individual freedom, and they did not
allow one to have his own experiences.
Education on my home planet has resulted from centu­
ries of evolution. Just as Laws of the Supreme Deity regards
personal experiences very highly, so does our educational
system. It grew hand in hand with the new Tythanian cul­
ture, after The Beginning.
Organized education was left behind with the money
219
and industry and the decaying cities as the people moved
on to their new life. They faced the bare truth that children
had done little more than memorize facts and concepts, and
that most of what they learned was soon forgotten. More
importantly, they understood that man in the physical world
must learn as Soul learns, through actual life experiences,
not through being told.
As the people moved back tonature, the children became
involved in life at an early age. Each family taught its own
young ones. The people invented new ways to teach
children the basics through participation in running the
household.
When the mother prepared vegetables for the meal, she
would count each one as she prepared and peeled them,
thus teaching the child to count. In the garden, the child
was allowed to pick vegetables to see what they looked like
and how they grew, and then helped to prepare them. In
that way they would have an experience directly with the
vegetables instead of with artificial representations.
During field excursions the children were taught about
nature; they learned which plants were edible and which
were not. On special occasions small groups of children
were taken into space to be taught about the planets and
the universe.
At home, not only did they care for the animals and help
clean the house, but once a week a child was put in charge
of preparing the family meal.
Culture was not forgotten. The children were always
encouraged to create poems and songs about what they had
learned, as well as to render on paper the things and people
they had seen in the course of the day. Dancing, painting,
acting, and all sorts of crafts became popular hobbies for
young children and adults. Expressing their individuality
through art became the vital part of daily life that it is today.
220
One particular game was especially popular. Here, all
the children gathered together to improvise; each in his turn
thought up a certain character, situation, and setting. Then
another child would act, sing, or dance to express the idea.
This went on all evening until everyone had been given a
tum to create an idea and to act one out. The children thus
learned to think quickly and to create stories, poems, or
whatever the individual talents led to. At a very early age
they learned to express themselves in many different ways
and to have fun at the same time.
Late every evening, everyone gathered together within
the family for a half-hour of silence, relaxing the body and
mind in order to have a spiritual experience. This is the
period of devotion to spiritual matters which I spoke of
earlier, called Study Time.
As the people grew in their understanding, they would
learn that if a child is given the freedom to develop his
own attitudes and have his own experiences, then he would
become an individual rather than a replica of the parents.
The child would grow naturally and by his own standards
with the proper guidance and discipline.
Children who were not interested in learning were not
forced to do so; they were allowed to begin learning the
basics of our culture at that age when they felt ready. But
since all of the learning games were very interesting and
enjoyable, most of the children participated. Every child
was aware of his natural desire to learn and grow.
Venusian children learn most of the basics at home, and
every parent was involved in the learning process. This
was very natural because the home had become the center
of life.
As the people of Venus translated to the Astral Plane,
their approach to education of course continued the same
way. During the first few years of my life, Aunt Arena
221
taught me many useful basics. The most important ideas I
learned had to do with becoming a mature citizen of the
Astral Plane, which involved much discipline because of
our unlimited powers.
She guided me in learning to manifest things. But always,
she encouraged me to learn on my own rather than rely on
being taught. Most ofmy knowledge since the earliest
years, about the astral as well as the Physical Planes, did
result from my own individual experiences.
Very early in life I was taught the Venusian alphabet
and language, and the number system. Beyond this, Aunt
Arena allowed herself to be directed by my questions and
interests. Every day in the afternoon we sat down together
to learn the arts and crafts such as painting and carving.
The world of plants was especially interesting to me. I
loved plants! I learned about herbs, their medicinal uses
and everyday uses.
I learned about so many various things that I could well
write another book to share them with Earth's people. My
interests ranged from clothes styles throughout history, for
example, to the nature of man. I learned attitudes that would
enable me to make many friends and keep me from being
a critical person.
As I grew older I began to visit the city of Teutonia
almost every day. At the temples of learning we were not
taught, but experienced with the guidance of experts in each
field. The Temple of Arts was the largest of all temples and
attracted children and adults alike.
Every morning several Masters arrived at the Temple of
Arts to guide the students. Most of us worked in the round
center hall, seated cross-legged on the floor with materials
in front of each person.
Usually a Master would begin with an example. He
would show the students the various materials to be used,
222
and which tools were used to create different effects. He
left out the history of that kind of art, or who created what
techniques; this was left to the history teachers. The ideal
was for the student to learn his own style, not to copy
another's.
Then everyone was set to work, to learn by trial and
error. The lazier students asked the Master to show them
how everything was done; he was always available to those
who asked for help.
Thus each student learned at his own pace, whether it
was in painting, weaving, or woodcarving. And each cre­
ated his own individual works of art, using his own indi­
vidual style. The other temples were run in the same way.
It is the student's choice whether he will spend many
years to master an art, or spend only a few days to learn
several basic techniques.
Each individual was encouraged, after he had mastered
a given technique, to lead his fellow students at least for
one day. Anyone could become the Master of an art in time.
As soon as we reached some degree of adeptness, we
undertook a project to be placed on display for an open
house exhibition, for all the villagers to enjoy. Compared
to Earth works of art, the creations I saw on display at the
temples were fantastic because only the pure imagination
limits us on the Astral Plane.
It is a tradition in our culture that when an individual
nears Mastership in his chosen field, he attempts to achieve
something which has never before been done. In this way
we are constantly adding something new and different to
the arts and sciences.
At various times during my childhood I studied at the
Temples of Mathematics, History, Religions, Ho1ticulture,
and Biology. At the Temple of Biology they showed how
life can be created from the basic life chemicals. They also
223
showed how humanoids can be created. These were used
at one time in the history of Venus as robots.
The people learned through a tragic lesson that this was
not a good idea because humanoids could be entered and
controlled by monstrous astral entities, (Venus life was
pfiysical then.)
The Temple of Biology taught the deepest secrets of
life, and how every form of life was created. The secret is
that life itself originates beyond the physical universe. On
huge magnified screens we were shown life actually
entering a physical form. Much of what was being taught
anhe temple would blow apart some theories which are
presently being taught and respected on Earth. I enjoyed
my experiences at the temple so much that at one time I
seriously considered devoting my life to being a doctor.
My visit to the Temple of Mathematics was short-lived.
This was a pyramid-shaped building which had many levels
above and below ground. Here I planned to learn more
about the base nine number system, but my interest waned
because too much mentalizing was involved. The temple,
of course, taught all the number systems, and many more
mathematical subjects.
The Temple of History dealt not only with our own past
but with that of all the planets in our solar system, and all
those which our space travelers had discovered. Knowing
that I may have to reincarnate on Earth in a future lifetime,
I desired to learn as much as possible about the planet while
I had this opportunity. As Soul I would remember all that
I had learned.
I was also interested in Earth because I knew that I had
spent many lifetimes there. My favorite place and time
was ancient Egypt; so much ofmy natural feeling and love
for music and dancing came from a past life in that great
cultural empire.
224
Since that era, dancing has been a part of my being in
every incarnation. My experiences have grown to a point
where they are now all stored at the Soul level. I have also
developed a talent of always knowing ahead of time what
will happen in a piece of music, this is a great help in
interpretive dancing.
The Temple of History was one ofmy favorites because
it made the dead past come alive. The main level of the
building was a time machine!
This was a dark room where everyone would sit down in
the middle of the floor. On a control console the date was
entered, the planet, and the exact location. Then, without
warning, the walls of the room and the darkness disap­
peared and we would be there, viewing the actual past.
But since we lived within the astral body and were look­
ing into the Physical Plane, we viewed the scenes as ifwe
were physically dead. Those living in the past who had
psychic vision would recognize us as ghosts._To us it was
a very real experience.
Until we realized that everything passed through us, we
found it very frightening. I had to learn that it was not
necessary to flinch or move out of the way if someone
walked into me.
I visited prehistoric times on Venus, an age of strange­
looking huge beasts and rainforests. The age of dinosaurs
on Earth was a similar period, they told us. I found this
journey fascinating but a little frightening because it was
so eerie.
Then I visited way into the future. In holographic pic­
tures I saw a time that appeared to me like a Golden Age.
The humans were living in entire Soul consciousness and
in tune with the Laws of the Supreme Deity. The landscapes
were beautiful, there were fruitful plains, innumerous col­
orful flowers and animals as well as awesome waterfalls
225
I liked that future a lot. We were told that this would be
the future of planet Earth.
During my childhood years I learned many things about
the Supreme Deity's vast worlds, from the Physical Plane
to the spiritual worlds above. My task is not to bring out
the many facets of Laws of the Supreme Deity here on
Earth. This is being done today by spiritual Masters who
have safeguarded the teachings since they were last taken
underground. These purely spiritual works are too vast and
deep to be taken up in one book.
Instead, I am introducing the teachings I was exposed
to on Tythania, and I will point in the direction where they
can be found on Earth.
Remember that Tythania has only one planetary spiritual
path, or religion if you wish to call it that. Earth has a
confusing number and variety of religions, spiritual paths,
occult and metaphysical groups, and philosophical sys­
tems. I was well prepared by my aunt to live with this
change. One of my most valuable lessons had to do with
the origins of these many paths.
The reason Earth has so many conflicting religions and
spiritual paths is that different levels of consciousness and
and shores. The houses and temple-like buildings were
designed elaborately and individually. Wherever I eyed, I
saw harmony and beauty. The liveliness of this world was
duly sensible.
Being masters over the elements, these far advanced
human beings could create out of a handful of dust what­
ever they wished, for example a delightful fruit or juice.
They also had full control over their climate.
The Souls were so evolved that they were able to experi­
ence several live spans in one. If they wanted to experi­
ence something different than a human person, they could
experience themselves as a dolphin, tree, or any other life
form by simply leaving their body and entering another
one. This way, they could make unlimited experiences in
different bodies within just one life time.
They had the absolute freedom about their life duration.
When their incarnation was close to cease, they consciously
traveled into the higher dimensions and made a new choice
for their next experiences.
As every Soul was polar balanced within itself, there was
no need for a partner. When two Souls nevertheless wished
to experience a certain form of relationship, they connected
themselves with each other for a while and separated in
love and freedom, when their mutual experiences were
completed. If they wanted to experience a family life, they
invited a Soul from the higher dimensions and supported its
manifestation with their energy. Sexuality and procreation
were not necessary, as the Souls simply could manifest
their desired bodies.
All humans were so deeply in harmony with the Creator,
that they were completely aware of their own creative ener­
gies. They always decided what experience they wished
to make next. Thereby every Soul always respected the
decisions of other individuals.
226
\
develo ment re uir •
y
The truth is that the Supreme Qejzy established few o
these paths. Yet these few are really different names for
the same teaching.
If you were to look back through Earth's religious his­
tory, you would find that religions and other spiritual teach­
ings are each founded by a particular spiritual leader, an
individual, whose work is carried on after his physical
death by devoted disciples. Most ofus now recognize such
individuals as Jesus Christ, Buddha, Mohamed, Krishna,
and many others.
What happened in most cases is that one individual man-
t i fo
•
nd directions.
2.
aged to have one or more out-of-body experiences on a
higher plane. Whichever plane he reached, astral, mental,
or causal, he came back with great wisdom and a fiery
motivation to share the message with others. It may have
been a salvation gospel or a social gospel, but nevertheless
it all originated from contact with a higher plane.
On the Physical Plane, a new religion then begins to
grow and prosper. Followers for centuries afterward make
a very basic mistake as Soul. They try to re-experience
what the original founder experienced, by following in his
footsteps. They try to receive the wisdom and spiritual
unfoldment of another Soul, received through out-of-body
experiences on a higher plane.
Certain followers then have their own enlightening
experiences from a variation in belief and method. Soon a
splinter group or branch is formed, based on this follower's
success. What does all this do for the individual? It makes
him more of a conformist and slave to outside forces than
ever before.
Each individual must seek his own truth, his own experi­
ences, just as the so-called spiritual giants did. Since each
Soul is unique, one individual cannot follow another's
path, methods or teachings and expect the same results.
Each person, as he spiritually unfolds, will seek his own
out-of-body experiences using methods suited to himself.
Then each individual becomes a spiritual giant, learns for
himself what goes on in the heavens beyond, all before
physical death.
The masses of people need what religions and assorted
spiritual paths offer at a certain level. These teachings
cannot be condemned. Every Soul needs the experience
various religions, cults, and philosophies to develoe_
kground to help understand the higher truths. They are>
steps along the way.
----
-
We must always remember that the Physical, Astral,
Causal, and Mental Planes are prisons run by negativity.
Most religions and paths are furthered by its agents. A sin­
cere student needs to find his own truth, which is ever the
same, because it originates above the lower worlds. Just
as there are agents of the Kai in the physical world, who
have reached no higher than the Mental Plane, there are
also agents of the supreme Deity. The individual, in time,
learns to depend on his own inner experiences rather than
looking up to those of someone elSEJ
The true teaching always makes known that the spiritual
essence of the Supreme Being can be seen in the inner light
and heard as the inner sound. The sound is most important,
for this current is used by Soul like a homing beam to reach
the true spiritual worlds.
It was discouraging to learn that the Laws of the Supreme
Deity were not being openly taught on Earth at the time I
would be arriving. That was one reason that I might have
decided not to come, but on the other hand, knowing about
Karma I decided otherwise.
Earth culture is young and full of many ups and downs.
Spaceships were as familiar in the skies of Biblical times
as are the airplanes of today. The space travelers visited
here regularly to observe Earth's development.
Instead of being masters of the elements, the descen­
dents of the Earth's first colonists had become a very
frightened people. They were ignorant of the most basic
truths, about the universe, about God, and about them­
selves. Physical survival and comfort was the number one
concern, and death was the number one fear. Idols and
gods ruled everything in life, and sacrifices were common.
Having leadership and a life of ease in mind, the priests
had established religions for control. Their tools were rules
and rituals and fear, and their control became complete.
228
229
Limited beliefs had produced a limited way of life for the
mass of people.
Into this era a Great Soul was born. As Soul, he had
chosen to reincarnate to lead the Jewish people because he
felt close to them. One of his strongest incarnations had
been with these people, but he was one of those who had
led them into ignorance. As a spiritually advanced Soul, he
chose to return and balance his karmic debt by enlighten­
ing them in a spiritual way. The way in which he was born
among his people had much to do with the Brotherhood
of the Planets.
The space visitors saw what was happening on Earth
and became involved. The Martians had been in Mexico
and South America for some time, and influenced the Incan
People. The Marti
t beautiful teachin s. The
were a so known as the Winged Gods or Sun Gods because
they came down from the heavens with great powers and
wisdom.
salem and the lands of those people, visitors from
space were called angels, which means heavenly beings.
What else could they say of beings who landed in space­
ships, and who had such peaceful, heavenly countenances?
The people assumed that beings from the sky were spiritual.
And so, Biblical history is full of tales of prophets meeting
with God or the angels, or crude descriptions of their ships
as "ball of fire" or "wheel within a wheel".
If your scriptures had translated more of that available
information for public examination, you would be surprised
at the real identity of the legendary "Three Wise Men"; who
they were and who they represented, and how they knew
and arrived on scene at the time and place they did. There
are great truths behind some of those events reported in
your holy works - much of which has been deliberately
withheld, or hidden in the translations, in order to main-
230
tain the control over the people as intended by those Earth
spirits establishing and carrying out the system.
Your brothers from other levels and other planes still
come, seeking experience and rebalancing of Karma for
themselves, and to help Earth humanity at this density of
being.
Some live among you unrecognized, and some come
from elsewhere to observe, and occasionally they make
contact with your people.
This has always been and always will be.
Part of my mission is to help awaken you to the realities
as they are, for those who want to know. It is for them only
that this worka2prepared.
Omnec Onec
231
Autobiography Part 2 Angels Don't Cry
Omnec Onec
The Venusian Trilogy
Contents Autobiography Part 2
Introduction ...................................................................... 238
Angels Don't Cry
The Key to Creation
We all make mistakes, so that we can learn from them.
Likewise we have to learn to accept our negative parts
and problems, to laugh about ourselves, to believe in the
positive and good and to focus our whole attention on it.
We may never forget that our imagination is
the key to creation.
Omnec Onec
l. Sheila ........................................................................ 240
2. My Earth Family ...................................................... 247
3. Living with a dictator. .............................................. 281
4. A light at the end of the tunnel. ............................... 313
5. Chicago ..................................................................... 324
6. Longing for love and understanding ....................... 342
7. Renewed confidence ................................................ 369
8. The Girl from Venus................................................ 384
9. Reencountering my spiritual teachings ................... 402
I0. Children - Our Future.............................................. 418
11. My way to the public ............................................... 436
12. Fulfilling my mission ............................................... 447
13. Biographical Data .................................................... 454
235
Introduction
r1
n the first part of my autobiography with the title
U "From Venus I Came" I have described my life on the
astral level on the planet Venus. This now is the personal
account and description of my life on Planet Earth - a very
strong contrast to my life of peace and beauty on Venus.
I had been told by Uncle Odin and Aunt Arena that some
Earth people believed Venusians to be angels.
Three years after my arrival, when I was only ten Earth
years old, I was chosen to play an angel in the school Christ­
mas play. My grandmother was a Christian and seemed to
know a lot about angels and the human concept of heaven.
She told I me all she had read about them including the
wings and the halo. She seemed amused at my interest. I
sat on the floor while she read from the bible where the
angels appeared to the shepherds.
When I asked her,"Grandma, do angels cry?"she looked
up in surprise and said: "No, I don't believe they do. It
seems to be their work to protect people from pain and suf­
fering. So they sort of dry people's tears." - "Grandma", I
said,"do you think it is okay for me to be an angel because
I do cry?" She hugged me laughing and replied: "You will
always be my angel if you cry or not because I know you
only cry if you have to or for others."
I continued my tearful journey here on Earth, learning
about emotions unknown to me such as fear, anger, and
aggression. And at the worst times, I always told myself in
a whisper: "Angels don't cry, Angels don't cry."
In reading this story of my life, it may seem unreal how
236
one major experience or crisis follows another, day after
day. It often seemed to me that I was given a rest only long
enough to catch my breath, and yet another crisis would
unfold, often leaving my mind reeling and my emotions
topsy-turvy.
This is what the Masters in Retz on Venus meant when
they explained to me, that due to this being my last incar­
nation in the Physical, to expect a heavy load of Karma
because of the choice I made to take Sheila's suffering. I
as Soul had created certain conditions which were difficult
for my own experiences which would prepare me to my
future mission here on Earth. They assured me that good
will come from all the bad experiences and that in the future
I would understand.
Many years later, I saw that what they explained was
true. Many,people on Earth have suffered as I have, and
because ofmy suffering, they will be able to relate to me as
a human being rather than an alien. Perhaps even inspired to
accept and learn better to cope with their own difficulties.
We all have our special angels to guide and protect us and
even some physically here on Earth, disguised as friends
who are there to comfort us and help us dry our tears and
heal our wounds.
To all my special angels here-THANK YOU!
Amual Abactu Baraka Bashad
(May the Universal Love and Blessings be)
Omnec Onec
237
Chapter 1
Sheila
C: heila 's mother was born in the early 19 0s in Fallin
QJWater, Tennessee. Being the only one with blond half
and blue eyes, Donna was the strangest child in her family.
Eve1yone affectionatelycalled her "Cottontop", a name her
father had given her.
Donna's father was a gentle and kind man, a man she
adored and loved with all her heart. Every morning, when
she was barely three years old, Donna would go into her
Daddy's room to dance and sing. Daddy loved his little
girl. To see her dancing so daintily filled him with joy, and
he told her not to mind her aunt who warned that the
excitement would kill him. Donna's father had spent many
years working in the coal mines, and was now bedridden
with a serious illness.
Every morning before her performance Donna ran up
to collect a kiss; but one morning was different from all
others. Something was very wrong - Daddy was cold. She
dido't know what to think, seeing him lying there so still.
In all the commotion that followed, Donna remembered
only one horrible thing. The words her aunt screamed as
she ran into the room left a scar in Donna's heart. "See, I
told you if you kept dancing you would kill him!" Horri­
fied, the little girl ran out of the house in tears, believing
she had surely killed Daddy.
Under the old wooden house she crawled and hid, and
wailed and wailed until her oldest brother Otto came to
238
sooth her. He coaxed her out and hugged her, trying to
convince her that she really had not killed Daddy. The
whole experience was only a beginning of Donna's life of
suffering and pain.
She and her family grew up in a life of poverty. With
seven children, her mother Jane could barely scrape
together a living now that her husband was gone. The poor
family did not have much of anything.
Donna was married off at a very young age because her
mother (who would become my Earth grandmother) did
not have the means to care for her much longer. By the
time Donna was fourteen, she was married to a man
named David who was supposedly the handsomest guy in
the county. All the other girls were crazy about him.
Two months passed before Donna reached puberty. And
shortly after that she became pregnant. She was certainly
excited about having a baby, but her husband being too
young never became a providing father. Back at his home
before this, every penny from his job had gone to support the
family. Now that he was out from under his parents wings,
it was the perfect time to buy everything he always wanted.
The money went for his pinball games, for soda pop,
for hot dogs, for movies, for everything except necessities.
The family's bills were never paid. The dinner table was a
wooden box, with orange crates as the seats.
Donna was much too young and immature to be married,
not to mention raising a child. She continued to sleep with
her favorite doll, and even put cold cream on its face at
night, and her husband would have to give it a goodnight
kiss.
Some of the things I am saying here about my Earth
mother's early life did not come to me through Vonic. I
learned a great deal from what she herself told me during
my life with her.
239
Donna was deeply affected by a fishing trip she had
made with David during the eighth month of pregnancy.
As they walked down a steep slope toward the river Donna
tripped and fell, rolling down the slope bumpity-bump with
her big belly. The dough balls she was carrying for bait
flew in every direction.
Running behind Donna, David could think of nothing
but his dough balls. "Oh, my dough balls! You've ruined
my dough balls!" Never once did he show concern over
whether Donna and the baby had been hurt. She never
forgave him for that. He wasn't being cruel; he was just
yo·ung and inexperienced.
On August 20th, David's birthday, Donna gave him a
living birthday present. It was on this day in 1948 that
Sheila was born. Yet all that he could think of was that she
had forgotten a birthday present.
Donna knew very little about taking care of a baby, and
David never bought all that little Sheila had need of. This
was partly because of his low income and partly because
he also knew very little about babies needs. The result was
that in a few months the baby was near death, and there was
little the doctors could do. Her intestines showed through
the skin and she had bad diarrhea and infected ears and
'
throat.
Donna prayed and prayed to God that if He would let
the baby live, she would live right. Little Sheila did live,
but Donna never lived up to her promise.
Soon after the little girl was well again, Donna decided
that she wanted a divorce. Instead of sitting down with her
husband and trying to work things out between them, she
simply divorced the man. She knew little about trying to
make a marriage work. They were both immature and not
ready for family life. At the age of sixteen she was on her
own with the baby girl.
240
My Venusian people at this time had been following the
pattern of Sheila's life to see when I had to come on the
scene. This was all arranged by a Master in charge of my
spiritual unfoldment. He knew Sheila was not going to live
to maturity, but the exact time of her passing had not yet
been pinpointed.
Meanwhile, Sheila's father married a girl named Peggy.
Peggy was a wonderful wife and a beautiful person; both
she and little Sheila's father were very good to Sheila in
the years to follow.
Donna at that time began seeing an older man named
Ed, who had a daughter about Sheila's age. He was so kind
to Donna and Sheila that she finally did marry him, at the
age of seventeen.
Donna and Ed then moved into an apartment building
in which her older sister lived. Donna enjoyed living there
with her sister and brother-in-law and their little boy. The
boy was only a few years older than Sheila, and the two
children enjoyed each other's company.
Then Donna became pregnant and gave birth to a boy,
Edgar Vernon, named after her husband. They lived there
for a few years; Donna was rather happy with her little
baby boy, her little girl, and Ed. What she never realized
was that her husband was very much interested in her sister.
Donna's love for her left little room for jealousy.
Donna visited her mother Jane one day, taking along
Sheila and leaving behind her little boy Eddie at her sister's
apartment next door. Returning home, she discovered her
little boy was gone, her husband was gone, and her sister
was gone. It was a terrible shock and hurt Donna deeply
because she had placed so much love and faith in her sister.
As time passed, however, feelings changed and all was
accepted.
This was Donna's second marriage gone down the drain.
241
For the second time, now at the age of nineteen, she was
alone with her little girl Sheila. She knew nothing of the
legalities of getting her son back.
During the time Donna was married to her second hus­
band, she had met a man named C.L., who happened to be
Edgar's uncle. C.L. was a Cary Grant type of person with
his moustache, arched eyebrows, and widow's peak, and
the very particular way he dressed.
C.L. was a jack-of-all-trades and a very good construc­
tion man, but completely untrustworthy. He could talk a
man out of his last five cents; he was a conman and a
deceiver. But C.L. was an irresistible sort of person with
lots of personality and a way of charming people to do as
he wished. He was a complex character and very intelligent,
but he drank heavily.
C.L. was an unpredictable person. One minute he would
pat you on the head, and the next minute he would knock
you clear across the room. No one knew what he was going
to do next, or how to react to him. He was certainly a
strange man, but in spite of this, Donna fell for him. People
always seemed to want C.L.'s attention and approval.
Often during their courtship, he brought food as well as
clothes for little Sheila. Donna was sympathetic to the hard­
luck story C.L. told about his wife, and being so young she
didn't realize what kind of person he actually was. It was
true that his wife was an alcoholic, but later Donna would
learn that her difficult marriage with C.L. had substantially
contributed to her drinking of alcohol.
After she lived with him for about a week, Donna real­
ized C.L. was an alcoholic too, but it was too late to matter.
Although she herself did not drink compulsively, he kept
pushing it on her. She finally did start drinking, but mostly
to escape his meanness. His cruelty affected the little girl
as well. Whenever he was drunk, C.L. had a habit of beat242
ing Donna, while Sheila looked on in fright, terrified of
the man.
When C.L. was sober he was charn1ing, but when he was
drunk he was extremely cruel. There was one particular
instance when little six-year-old Sheila tried to protect her
mother when C.L. was beating her. Enraged, he smacked
Sheila across the face, giving her a black eye. The little girl
saw through him and was perplexed as to why Donna put
up with so much trouble.
The whole situation was very sad because C.L. could not
help himself. There was something very wrong with him
mentally, aside from the drinking, or perhaps caused by it.
Donna drank more and more just to tolerate her lot. She
began to despise the man as much as she loved him. Many
times she ran away from him with Sheila, but he always
managed to win her back through cajoling or by force.
The day came when Donna again tried to leave C.L.
Taking Sheila along, she hitchhiked with a truck driver
who took them along to his home in Indianapolis. He and
his wife took good care of Donna and Sheila, and their
own twin boys.
Then Donna made the mistake of calling C.L. so that he
would be able to pick up his car keys, which she had taken
along to prevent him from following her. Upon arriving,
he cried and carried on about how sincerely he meant to
change his ways. He wouldn't be mean anymore and he
was going to stop drinking, he promised. Donna believed
him.
On the outskirts oflndianapolis, C.L. suddenly left the
highway, much to Donna's surprise. He drove on into a
forest preserve. There C.L. stopped and threatened to kill
the both of them for betraying him. Waving a pistol, he
accused Donna of having an affair with the man. He even
tried to force Sheila into saying that she saw them together.
243
As fate had it, they were saved by a patrolman who pulled
alongside warning C.L. that he was parked illegally.
This calmed C.L. down somewhat, but it was then that
Donna decided this was not the kind of life Sheila deserved,
that these kinds of things were happening too often. She
could see that her little girl was unhappy living with C.L.,
and since she loved Sheila more than herself she decided
to send her away to her grandmother for protection, and
for her own peace of mind.
Donna reasoned with C.L. that Sheila would have a much
more stable life in Chattanooga; she could go to school and
have friends. C.L. agreed, but only because he would rather
be rid of her. At this time, C.L. and Donna were on the road
to the West from Indianapolis; they stopped long enough to
put Sheila on the bus under Traveler's Aid, with a note to
Donna's mother Jane. This then is how Sheila happened to
meet her fate on that rainy night in Little Rock, Arkansas.
When I arrived at Grandmother's house in Chattanooga,
I became a part of the whole kannic chaos. Donna became
my mother and C.L. became my step-father. Living with
him later in my life was all the nightmare it had been for
Sheila, and more.
244
Chapter 2
My Earth Family
f1 stood in front of Grandma's door and knocked. At last
::J the lights came on and the door opened, and I saw
inside an elderly woman in her nightgown. I recognized her
immediately; this was my Earth grandmother, Jane. Vonic
had been right when he described her as a sickly woman.
The floating tumors in her stomach made her look eight
months pregnant.
"Sheila?" she asked, peering into the darkness to see who
was there. "Yes, it is me," I said. I stood there in silence,
awaiting her reaction.
"Child, what are you doing here? And where is your
mother? Where is everybody?" she asked. It was obvious
to me that she couldn't believe her own eyes, waking up at
three in the morning to find Sheila at the door. As it turned
out Donna had not called ahead to say that her daughter
would be coming to Chattanooga.
"There's nobody else," I answered. "I'm here by
myself." "What do you mean you're here by yourself?"
she demanded. Then she held the door open for me to
enter.
Vonic had well prepared me for what I was to say next.
"Well, my mother sent me here because she and C.L. were
fighting, and she didn't want me to stay there anymore."
I showed her the note and told what C.L. had done, how
he tried to kill Donna and me, and how Donna asked C.L.
if she could send me to stay with her mother Jane.
245
"How could they do that without even letting me know?"
Grandma looked upset. As we walked through the living
room toward the stairs she said worriedly, "I just don't
know what I'm going to do with you."
I felt a bit uneasy as Grandma took me upstairs to her
room and put me to bed with her. But it wasn't long before
I fell asleep, listening to the gravel roof crackle and pop
as the temperature dropped. It had been a long, eventful
day to say the least.
This was to be my new home for the next several years.
My Grandma Jane together with the two boys Merle and
Beh, and her daughter Ellen with her sons Donny and Jim
hadn't completely moved into the housing project from
their home in the country, where they would live in two
separate apartments, but close to each other. Some of the
furniture was already there, but their complete move from
the rural Falling Water was still before them.
Grandma was staying there to recover from her recent
coma, when doctors discovered she had sugar diabetes and
heart dropsy.
I awoke in the morning tofind that everyone was already
downstairs. Quietly, I walked into the kitchen and sat down
at the table, only momentarily interrupting Aunt Ellen and
Grandma's conversation. It was about me.
Ellen's idea was to send me away to a foster home,
mostly because my grandmother was very poor at the time,
living on welfare and already supporting the two boys.
I was dumbfounded! "Is this for real?" I thought, and
yet they continued with their discussion as ifl wasn't even
there. It just broke my heart to hear how littl.e they seemed
to care about Sheila, so soon after I had arrived.
When I sensed how serious they were about sending me
away, I burst into tears. "I don't want to go to a children's
home," I cried, running up to put my arms around Grand246
ma's legs. Tears were streaming down my face. Please don't
send me to a home," I pleaded.
Grandma looked at Aunt Ellen. "I just can't put her in a
foster home," she said, reminding Ellen that I (Sheila) had
probably suffered enough, living with C.L.
"Well, maybe I can take her until you can make some
arrangements," Aunt Ellen suggested.
But Grandma decided to keep me. My Uncle Leroy,
who was also living in this housing project and who joined
this unplanned family meeting as well, was siding with
Grandma and promised to support her. That very morning
she made a call to someone on the telephone to arrange
a court date for the custody proceedings. I was relieved.
After breakfast I met my cousins Donny and Jim, Aunt
Ellen's two boys. They had been outside, playing. Donny
was a few months older than I, and Jim was about three
months younger. Their butch hair-cuts intrigued me0 Almost
immediately they began telling me all about the
school I would be going to, which made me very happy. It
was not that I was anxious to go to school, but I was happy
to be accepted and Iiked.
I had already seen Merle and Ben the night before, when
they came downstairs to see what all the commotion was
about. They were the boys - one being the uncle of the
other - who would be living together with me. They both
were already in high school.
As we were sitting together in the kitchen, Donny and
Jim were both trying to tell me everything they knew about
the neighborhood, and all the things they were going to
show me. Just then two girls came into the kitchen. Both
were about my age. One of them, the one with the brown
eyes and brown hair in bangs, and a very pretty face, I
recognized as my cousin Lynn. The other had long auburn
hair and green eyes - Andrea.
1 ,,, J-;-&- •
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247
Grandmother introduced me to them; they were the
daughters of Donna's brother's Bob whom I (Sheila) had
not seen in a long time. They lived nearby in the housing
project. Not long ago they had also moved from their home
in Falling Water.
Most of my cousins, I noticed with satisfaction, were
close to my age and would probably become good friends.
And they looked exactly like Vonic had described them.
Soon after my arrival in Chattanooga, Grandma, the two
boys and I moved back to her home in the country. It was
the first of many sudden moves, which kept me from feeling
at ease during these first few months on Earth.
Falling Water was the most primitive place I had ever
seen, although very lush and green. We were amidst the
wooded hills of Tennessee, not far from Chattanooga. Our
home was a nine-room frame house set up on masonry
block and the toilet was a patch of woods beyond the clear­
ing. Our water supply was a mile away at a mountain creek.
Animals thrived in the wild and I enjoyed them, except
for the wild boars that occasionally came out of the woods
to chase me into the house.
I wondered about all this. I loved the crisp smells, and
playing in the woods, but I had never imagined Earth to
be so primitive. Of course, by modem standards Falling
Water was indeed primitive, and I had not seen much of
the city of Chattanooga.
We did not stay long in Falling Water. My grandmother
and I sat up late one night, talking. "Grandma, you aren't
going to let me go home, are you?" J asked. "No, I already
talked to this judge that we will have to go and see in the
city. I guess he's going to let me keep you."
What's the matter, Grandma?" l asked, suddenly aware
that she looked sick. "You don't look too good." She
answered with a sigh. "Yeah, I don't feel too good either.
248
I'm pretty tired." Then she started talking to me about the
Bible. I laid my head on her lap, and by the kerosene lamp
she read a beautiful story about Jesus and the woman at
the well. It was very late, and Merle and Ben had not come
home, when I fell asleep.
I opened my eyes with a feeling of apprehension. "Where
am I?" I thought to myself, seeing the strange walls sur­
rounding me. "Is this real?" Electric lights burned overhead
in an adjoining room. On a mantle I saw a picture of a
pretty woman and a nice-looking man. At the other end of
the mantle was a picture of a baby.
Just then I heard footsteps nearing the room. Closing
my eyes I pretended to be asleep. A woman's voice said,
"Well, I don't know where we'll put her. I guess we'll just
make a pallet somewhere."
She decided. "David, I think we'll put her over here.
We'll take the baby into our bed with us and put Sheila
into the baby's bed."
Then the photo on the mantle flashed in my mind, and
J remembered Sheila's father's name was David. "That's my
father," 1 thought, "my Earth Daddy." l opened my eyes
and stretched.
"Hi Honey, how are you?" said David as he walked up to
the bed, smiling. "Daddy!" I cried. "Yes, it's me," he said
merrily as he bent down over m I reached up and hugged
him, sincerely glad to see him. It felt really good to hug
this man's neck; he was such a sweet person.
"We're going to put you in the baby's bed," he explained,
"and let the baby sleep with us. All right?" "Well, that's
okay with me, but I could sleep on the floor." "No, you
don't have to do that. We have room. You know, we've got
a little boy too. He's four years old."
Peggy came in from the other room. "Okay, let's go eat.
It's time for supper."
249
"Supper?" l blurted out. I was sure it was morning.
"Sure," David said, "You slept here all night. And you
really must have been tired, because you slept all day, too.
"I did?" I could hardly believe it. "Yes," he repeated, "Your
uncle brought you here and you'll be staying with us until
your grandmother gets better."
I assumed that Grandma had gotten very sick again and
that somebody had taken her to the hospital. She did get
sick quite often I was told.
I stayed with my father and Peggy until Grandma recov­
ered and moved into the housing project. I never went to
Falling Water again, except for short visits to other relatives
still living there.
During these first weeks on Earth, I never was nervous
that one of my relatives would say, "You're not Sheila!" I
knew enough about Sheila and looked enough like her that
I had plenty of confidence to carry it through.
Peggy and David were very good to me, and 1 enjoyed
being with them. lt never bothered me that she was not
my own mother, because none of the people I would be
Jiving with were my own relatives. Peggy was a sweet and
wonderful person and treated me equally as one of her own.
After dinner that day we visited Peggy's mother Rose
and her children Jimmy and Janice. I thought Janice was
simply beautiful with her long blond hair falling to below
her shoulders. She was only five days younger than I and
we got along together very well.
"Hey Sheila, let's go play movie stars," she suggested.
"What?" I asked, this was new to me. "Movie stars. Don't
you know anything about them?"
No" I said "I've never been to a movie."
"Oh, that's' right. You lived out in the country," Janice
remembered, thinking of Falling Water. "I'll be Doris Day.
No ... I want to be Janet Leigh. You be Doris Day."
250
"Okay," I said. "Who's Doris Day?"
"Over here is a picture of her." Janice fumbled with a
magazine and finally pointed to a photo.
"Oh, she's cute," I said, "but can't I be Marilyn Monroe?
This one right here?"
"No, you can't be her, you don't look like her. You be
Doris Day."
"Oh, Okay." I said.
"Tony Curtis is my boyfriend," Janice explained, "and 1
guess you can have Dean Martin." I said okay once again.
Then we started to play. "How do you do this?" I asked.
"First you have tofix up. Here put on one ofmy mother's
dresses."
Janice must have wondered why I knew so little. l guess
she blamed it on my stay out in the country, in Falling
Water.
I felt silly in the long, flowered dress and high heel shoes.
Janice put lipstick on my lips and then stepped back, look­
ing satisfied. "Now you look pretty."
"Well, thank you," I told her. "You look pretty too."
Then we played movie stars. I learned that you sing, you
have big cars, you go out to restaurants, and you spend
lots of money.
Janice's eyes lighted up. "I'll tell you what!" she
exclaimed. "I'll see if you can go to the movies with us
tonight. We're supposed to go to the movies."
"What are we going to see?" I asked excitedly. This
sounded interesting. Playing movie stars was a dull game.
"The Blob!" Janice said. "It's supposed to be real scary.
Let's see if you can go with us."
Janice and I ran into the living room. "Peggy, can Sheila
go to the show with us tonight?" she asked. Peggy was
Janice's elder sister.
"Well, I don't know." She looked at Daddy. David spoke
251
up. "Yeah, you can go. It's all right. Here Janice. Here's a
couple of dollars. You can take Sheila to the movies with
you."
"I don't need that," Janice said."We get in for free!"
"How do you do that?" Daddy asked. "Well, Jimmie stands
outside the show and we duck under her arm when she pays
for herself." Jimmie was Janice's fourteen-year-old brother.
"No, that not honest. Now you girls pay," Daddy said.
"Here's the money. Get Sheila some cashews, she'll like
those."
"I never had them before," I said."Yeah, I know, because
your grandmother doesn't let you go to the show, right?" he
asked. "I don't know." "Well, she doesn't believe in mov­
ies, so never ask if you can go," he said. I didn't understand.
"Why doesn't she believe in them?"
Because she is a Christian, honey, and they don't go to
shows."
It still didn't make sense to me, but I said okay any­
way. My favorite word was okay because it kept me out
of trouble. l was a very agreeable little girl.
This idea of religions telling people what to do just
seemed absurd to me, and I remembered that my Aunt had
once spoken about this subject.
When we started to leave, Janice held me back, "Wait a
minute. You can't go to the show looking like that.""Like
what?" I asked. I felt fine. "You have to take off the lipstick,
and the dress, and the high heeled shoes first," she said.
I laughed. "Oh yeah, right."
Jimmie took us to the show, and there I had the second
soda pop in my life, and popcorn too. Popcorn! I really
liked that, and the cashews especially.
The Blob was about a flying saucer that brought all sorts
of havoc and terror to the people of Earth. It landed one
night in a secluded wood. A couple of teenagers were the
252
first to see it, but when they reached the landing area noth­
ing could be seen but an eerie glowing blob.
Curious to see what would happen, the boy poked into
the blob with a stick. Suddenly the burning mass covered
his hand and crept steadily up his ann. The boy's girlfriend
screamed and ran off, while he tried desperately to fling
the blob away.
At the hospital, the doctors were perplexed. Whatever
the thing was, they agreed, it had to be stopped soon. As
they stood discussing the boy in the next room, they sud­
denly saw before them a gigantic glowing and pulsating
blob of energy. It had consumed the boy and was now
moving on to its next victims.
Until the very end of the show, the blob absorbed people
and houses and cars, and it had become even more gigantic.
People panicked and flew from their homes.
Quite by accident, the heroes of the show discovered that
the creature could be killed with low temperatures; when
it tried to hide in a freezer. Earth was saved.
My problem was that through the whole show I couldn't
stop laughing. Everything was so funny to me. And the blob
was the most hilarious of all.
"How come you are laughing?" Janice said. She had
trouble understanding me. "It's really scary!"
"I don't know," I said. "It just looks funny to me." All
along, I was thinking, "This is really strange. Why do
people have ideas that such weird creatures come from
space?" And with people's consciousness as it was, they
often formed conceptions from what they saw right there
in the movies.
I realized then the wisdom of my people's warnings, that
I was not to speak of being from another planet. Those peo­
ple who would believe my story would probably remember
the terrible creatures of science fiction movies. Either way,
253
the negative powers had made sure that our people would
not reveal themselves too soon.
It was a strange coincidence that this first movie l saw
on Earth was about creatures from outer space. Janice was
still terrified when we left the theater. "Wait until you see
Dracula!" she said. "You'll like that."
"Yeah, I probably will," I said. But when she started
telling me about Dracula, who he was and what he did, it
was my tum to be frightened. I had reason to believe that
such creatures real!)'. existed on this Earth planet.
Daddy was waiting to take me home when we returned
to Janice's house. "Well, tomorrow we're going to have to
enroll you in school for a couple of weeks, until you can
go live with your grandmother."
"Do I have to go back to her?" I asked. "Can't I live with
you?" My father pulled me close to him. "Honey, you can't
stay with me because your grandmother is getting custody
of you. That means the law is giving you to her and you
can't stay with me."
"Well, I don't understand why," I said. He tried to be
firm with me. "Because that's just the way it happened. If
you would have come to me first, then I would have gotten
custody of you. But it really would be hard on me. I have
my own family, my kids to raise, you know. You are my
first child and I love you very much, and you'll always be
special to me. But it's just the fact that I don't have enough
money to support everybody right now."
"Okay," I said, "but when is my grandmother going to
get well?" "Well, I don't know. That night you went tosleep
in her lap she got real sick. She has sugar diabetes, you
know, and a bad heart. She should be home pretty soon."
"Back to the country?" "No, she's going to be living in
the city, at the federal housing project."
"Oh yeah, that's right," I remembered. My father went
254
on to explain, "I guess she's going to live there because it's
real cheap, only twenty five dollars a month rent."
"And I'll be going to school there?" "Yes," he said.
"Will I ever see you again?" I asked. I had a great deal
of affection for David. "Oh sure, I'll come and get you
sometimes and bring you to our house, if your grandmother
will let me," he answered me.
As I was lying in bed that night, I thought of all the
wonderful things that had happened. J had enjoyed myself
with someone my own age, and J had seen my first movie.
Movies were a popular form of entertainment, Uncle Odin
had once told me.
Playing in the country was fun, but this was an adven­
ture, going to a show and seeing a creature from outer
space. I suppose there are such menacing creatures as the
blob on the lower Astral Plane, but l don't know of any on
the Physical Plane.
The next morning my father woke me to get dressed for
school. First he showed me something special. "For me?"
I asked, as he handed it to me. "Sure," he said smiling.
It was a writing tablet, with Gene Autry and his horse
on the cover. "It's beautiful!" I exclaimed, but I did not
understand why the black pencils he gave me were so fat.
And the lines on the pages were so huge. Children were
expected to write big, J guess.
In school that morning I was nervous. Janice was already
there to introduce me to her friends, but she was in a dif­
ferent class.
My teacher was a beautiful woman with big brown eyes
and short, curly black hair. She introduced me to the class
saying that my parents had been traveling a great deal'.
Therefore I was beginning first grade at the age of seven.
I was surprised and happy to see how nicely the other
children treated me. Some of them could not resist their
255
taunting me because I was older, especially the boys. But
everyone quieted down after a while.
Mrs. Lewis was a wonderful teacher. She was sincere
about helping me learn, and I grew to love her. I already
knew what she was trying to teach me, but I surely couldn't
let her know. I pretended to be learning.
At first she worked with me while the other children
were busy, teaching me the ABCs. I caught up with the
class in very little time. Soon she didn't need to make
special trips to my desk to explain what the rest of the
class was doing.
When she saw how quickly I learned to spell and count,
and write my name, I was passed on to the second grade.
It was only two weeks since my father had enrolled me.
Sheila herself had never finished first grade, and my father
and Mrs. Lewis couldn't possibly think anything but that
Sheila was a bright child who was done an injustice by
C.L. and Donna's traveling.
I entered the second grade class just as our teacher, Mr.
Reed, was introducing subtraction. He said, "Now, today
we are going to learn subtraction." "Subtraction?"I blurted
out. He looked at me sternly and spoke. "You're not sup­
posed to talk unless you raise your hand." "Oh, okay," I
said. So I raised my hand and asked, "What's subtraction?"
Mr. Reed sounded impatient. "I'll be explaining it in a
few minutes." But the more he talked about it, the more I
became confused. "'That's really strange," I said. "Why
do you want to take anything away from something?" "I
don't know," he said. This disturbed me."You don't know?
You're our teacher. What do you mean? You take one from
two and you get one. Why would you want to take a one
from a two?"
"Sheila, those questions don't make any sense." "Does
this make sense then- one take away one is zero.
256
How can you take something from itself? You can remove
the object and have nothing, but not take it from itself." I
persisted in trying to make my point; these new mathemati­
cal ideas didn't agree with what J had been taught.
"Sheila, if you don't stop asking questions I'll send you
to the principal."
"Oh, okay." I said quietly. "I won't ask any more."
Subtraction never made sense to me, and it never will. I
do not like it because it is too mental and doesn't follow the
natural laws of expansion. In Teutonia I was never taught
to take anything from something else. We only changed
what existed.
I also had a problem with Earth's base ten number sys­
tem. On the more advanced planets the zero does not exist
because of its very nature. In following the laws of nature,
we have learned that the base nine number system suits us
best of all. Incidentally, governments of the Earth have
investigated crashed flying saucers over the years and have
found that their dimensions point to the use of a base nine
number system.
To make everyone happy, I learned subtraction. That
evening I went home and told Daddy what I had learned,
that one from two is one.
'"That's very good!" he said.
"I also know what ten take away five is," I said.
"What's that?"
"Five."
"How did you know that?" he asked. "Did they teach
you that?"
"They taught me two take away one, and l just figured
the other one out."
"Yeah, you're pretty good at that, aren't you?" He
smiled. "I really am proud of you because you are my first
little girl. You look a lot like your mother."
257
"I do?"
"Yeah."
"She's pretty." I said, remembering Vonic's description
of her. "She looks like Marilyn Monroe."
"Yes, she does," he agreed, laughing.
I wondered if I would ever meet Donna, and when it
would be. I had heard so much about her from Grandma
and Aunt Ellen, but I hadn't seen her myself. It wouldn't
be until a year had passed in my life on Earth.
We were seated at the dinner table on Friday evening,
having the usual hot dogs and chili, which I learned to love.
The phone rang and Daddy went to answer it.
My grandmother was coming home, he announced, and
my heart sank. I would be going back to her in a week.
I didn't like the idea of leaving; David and Peggy had
been so very good to me. And what would happen to all
my new friends at school, I wondered?
"Do I have to go back?" I asked.
"Yes, Honey," Daddy said. "I told you before that you
had to go back to your grandma."
"Okay," I said quietly, with a note of sadness. Peggy was
real sweet and rolled my hair for me. I thought, she was
so beautiful with her blue eyes, wonderful skin, and long,
wavy-brown pony tail. I would miss her.
"Monday we'll have to go down to school with you,
or send a note, and tell them you'll be leaving at the end
of the week. Then they can send your records to the new
school."
"Okay."
But instead of going to school on Monday, I had to say
goodbye to Daddy and Peggy. Tears filled my eyes.
Grandma wanted me home early to help her straighten out
the house and unpack. I wouldn't even be able to say
goodbye to my friends.
258
Grandma was waiting for me when I once again knocked
at 1821 Southern Street. Everything inside was a mess, and
even with Merle and Ben's help there wasn't much any of
us could do to make the place beautiful. The apartment
itself looked new and shiny, but Grandma's furniture was
so old and horrible-looking that I was quickly depressed.
Grandma, I had learned from Vonic, had separated from
her husband on account of his drinking, and was living
alone with the two boys.
Looking down from the ridge in Chattanooga, the apart­
ments of our housing project took the shape of a huge
horseshoe facing the railroad yard. Southern Street bor­
dered our end of the project, and behind us were rows of
two-story brick buildings with flat roofs of white gravel.
Each family had its own backyard, an upstairs and a down­
stairs, and garbage cans marked with the house number.
The inside walls of our apartment were plain masonry
block painted mint green, and the floors were covered with
dark brown asphalt tiles. In the front was the living room.
A hallway on the right led to the kitchen, and the concrete
stairs to the bedrooms led to the left from the hallway.
Everything was electrical; our apartment had a new
refrigerator, a range, and electric heaters installed into the
walls. Next to the kitchen and behind the living room was
the utility room. Here were two huge washing sinks, as
well as plenty of shelves and cupboards.
Upstairs were three bedrooms and a modern bathroom
equipped with a low built-in tub.
For the twenty five dollars per month Grandma paid,
this was luxury even by modern standards. Exterminators
came every month to spray for bugs, which I learned was
a service many people in large cities did not have.
A few days after we settled down, Grandma hauled all
of us to a pretty white wooden building near our house.
259
I soon learned what Vonic meant when he said she was a
devout Christian in the Church of God.
The novelty of going to church wore off pretty quickly
as we went every Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday.
Sunday School was fun. We read stories and sang so?gs.
So was the singing in Church, and listening to the gmtars
and piano. One young man who sometimes sang in front
of the congregation was especially well-liked. His name
was Elvis Presley.
The rest of my experiences in Church were lessons in
tolerance and understanding. The Church of God made it
very difficult for a person to remain an individual. Just as
Vonic had explained, women were not allowed to wear
pants, cut their hair, get a permanent, wear makeup, or wear
jewelry. It seemed as if most of the rules were for ':omen.
The men were forbidden to drink or smoke, which was
actually good for their health. But it bothered me that they
did it only because it was a rule.
The preaching bothered most of all. The ministers always
preached directly from the Bible, beginning by telling a
story and then explaining the moral. Often they repeated the
same idea four or five times, using different examples. And
it was always a highly emotional, and sometimes shoutingtype of preaching.
.
Whenever an evangelist was in town, the preaching and
singing came to a heavy boil. Grandma insisted on taking
me along to these revivals; the meetings were held every
night.
The members would bring newcomers with them to be
saved and prizes were awarded to the one who brought
along the most converts. I didn't know what to think about
all of this.
The evangelist pleaded and begged for the new people
to come up and be saved now, before it was too late, as
260
hymns were sung in the background of his charged voice.
Meanwhile, the vibrations of the church often reached a
strange level. People started crying and went up to kneel
down. Others started jumping up and down, shouting in
high-pitched voices and speaking in tongues. With their
Bible open toa certain place, they went around emotionally
pointing it out to others, speaking in a mysterious tongue.
The ones who were being saved fell to their knees, cry­
ing and wailing at the long wooden bench which served
as the altar.
The preacher and his associates promptly came along
and knelt by each person. "Are you willing to ask God to
forgive you for your sins? Are you willing to be a holy
person? And let the blood of Jesus wash away your sins?"
This business with the blood of Jesus often worried me
because I took things literally.
When it was all over, the saved people stood in front
while everyone came by to shake hands and welcome them
as members of the Church.
Revivals usually put me to sleep ifI couldn't draw pic­
tures or play. Sometimes I tried to listen to what was going
on, but my interests never lasted long. I loved the singing
and the clapping; that was about all.
I saw and understood that these people were very sincere,
and it all had a very deep spiritual meaning to them. My
reactions were based on my own experiences and teachings.
On Venus I had learned and come to understand that
the Bible was a diary of special people who lived on Earth
long ago. It was little more than a history book. This is very
difficult for people on Earth to accept. At one time there
was great Truth in the sayings of religious leaders, but after
centuries of rewriting and retranslating, the words of the
Bible cannot be considered of absolute truth. I do agree,
ver, with the commandments.
261
It is known on Venus that many individuals have used
the writings of spiritual leaders for their own good, or to
get some special point across. If there was a difference of
opinion with what was written, or if something was not
understood, then that section of the Bible was rewritten.
Different denominations have different Bibles for this
reason. The writings have been changed according to their
understanding of the Truth.
The Word of God or Truth must be experienced, not read
in a book. This is done by actually seeing the Supreme
Deity and communicating with it in the Nameless World
beyond the Soul Plane. Qn)y Sa11l itgelf can experience It.
It is not a physical experience,
- In order to control the people, religious leaders have
created the "Believe or be damned" gospel - a religion of
fear. A postulate was created that a certain collection of
writings is the Word of God. By manipulating and inter­
preting the book, the people can be controlled. Such are
the works of Kai, although most of those who are involved
are not aware of it.
The man-made law bothered me, and I often got into
arguments with Grandma about why women couldn't wear
pants or lipstick. It just didn't make sense to me that a
Church was able to tell people to do this and not do that.
According to the laws of the Supreme Being, I was born
with the right to dress and act as I pleased. And I accepted
full responsibility for my actions under the law of Karma.
No Church, or person, had the right to take my rights away.
The one thing that I learned from my arguments with
Grandma was that it was useless to argue. As my uncle and
Vonic had told me, children on Earth are given very little
freedom of individuality.
Especially in school was this true. Grandma enrolled
me at Mary Ann Garber School, which belonged to the
262
housing project and was run by the government. Elderly
Mrs. Jensen, my second grade teacher, did not make much
of an impression on me. I sensed she was not interested in
her students or the school.
For a while, school was a fine novelty, but my own inter­
est wore off quickly. It disturbed me that teachers taught
only what they felt the children should know, which were
the basics everyone should have learned at home.
Much too much time was eaten up by the memorizing
of facts, facts which would aid us very little in life unless
we're quizzed on a show or in a contest.
From the very beginning I saw that testing and grad­
g instilled in the children a sense of competitiveness, a
destructive force which Earth well could do without.
-The slower learners were degraded by receiving low
marks or being sent to learn with the retarded children.
Educators didn't seem to make allowances for the fact that
each individual learns at his own pace.
I liked the teachers, the children, the recess, and the
lunch hour, but class itself was boring. Many of the chil­
dren enjoyed class because they felt it important to learn
whatever was being taught. A greater freedom of choice for
children in what they learn and when, would do wonders.
When I wasn't in school, I often spent time by myself,
alone, thinking about the different things I objected to.
There were just too many routine events in my life eating
up too much of my time, just so my physical body could
survive. Yet very many people were fat, and unclean, or
did not care about their appearance. I realized this all came
from improper training and poor eating habits.
Alone in bed at night, I couldn't help but think about
home, about Arena and Odin, my father, and all the creativ­
ity in our lives. It was something I could never forget, no
matter what role I played. My life here seemed so strange,
263
and how sad I was not being able to share my past with
anyone.
I imagined myself back in my room and in all my favor­
ite places. Memories of Rimj and the smiling faces of all
my friends as they said goodbye to me, kept me company
when I was feeling low.
There were times when I hoped someone would rec­
ognize me, that I wasn't Sheila. I was afraid of actually
becoming her, from being so immersed in her life.
As Sheila I became known as a very quiet child. As
Omnec I was unreserved and bubbly. Part of my quietness
came from not knowing what to do and being afraid of
saying or doing something wrong.
Within my Earth family I watched, and I learned from
watching, instead of asking questions. No matter how much
it put me out, or how long I would have to wait for the
answer, I always wanted to see for myself what was going
on. Asking questions embarrassed me because it attracted
attention to something I didn't know.
My people communicated very little with me until later
in life. They believed in not interfering unless it was abso­
lutely necessary. Sometimes, though, I recognized certain
thoughts as not having been my own, and so I was aware
of their interest and inner guidance.
I visited Teutonia only a few times, in the dream state.
I soon learned that I had much less control over my astral
body now; its vibrations had been lowered when I mani­
fested my physical body.
Most of the time, my mind was cluttered with what I
was learning on Earth, and my attention was very seldom
on Soul Travel. I was busy feeling my way around in this
new life, learning what people expected of me so I would
know how to react. I listened carefully whenever comments
were made about Sheila.
264
Doing spiritual exercises was almost impossible, with
the little privacy I had. And I was preoccupied with many
new Physical Plane experiences.
Christmas was approaching and I had been in Chatta­
nooga almost two months. I knew the Earth version of the
ry of Christ, but what did the tree and giving presents
have to do with it, I wondered? It was a wonderful time of
year though.People seemed t;1ave better attitudes toward
one another.
On Christmas Eve we found presents under our tree,
wrapped in gaily colored paper, and we could hardly wait
till the next morning. Everyone claimed that Santa Claus
had brought them, but until they showed me a picture of
him I didn't believe there really was such a man. He looked
absurd, but he did seem happy. I couldn't decide whether
to believe in him or not, but it was inconceivable to me
that the grownups had deceived the children. Perhaps he
existed long ago!
Outside our front door on Christmas morning sat a big
woven basket brimming with hams, chickens, cookies,
candy, fruits, and nuts. It was the first fruit and candy I
had seen at our house. It was from the American Legion.
Then it was time for us to open our presents. From Aunt
Ellen I received a little play stove. Mr. Dow, our neighbor
across the street, gave me a toy brass bed,just the right size
for the gift from Grandma, a baby doll. Also from Grandma
were gloves and tights, and a scarf with attached hood.
The coloring book and crayons were from Merle and Ben.
I loved drawing. It was very creative.
Donny and Jim were given toy cars and guns, and some
plastic bricks and a Lincoln Log set. Building play houses
was fun, but what meant more to me than anything else
was that baby doll from Grandma.
Our Christmas dinner of chicken, gravy, and biscuits,
265
1
°' l,J,.\
.
fie. £,11,.) ,,,/\.. f, ,J
and blueberry cobbler was the best meal I could remember
having since I first arrived in Chattanooga.
The next few years I lived the life of an ordinary child.
I was very small, and life was not very meaningful. My
beloved puppy was killed in front of our house by a
car; I probably went through all the things little kids go
through.
I enjoyed Chattanooga. It was a beautiful, green city
surrounded by lush forested mountains and hills. I soon
learned that a famous Civil War battle was fought just to
the east, on Missionary Ridge. Lookout Mountain as well
as many other parts of the area were tourist attractions.
What bothered me most about Chattanooga were the
people's attitudes toward the Blacks. All of the Negro
people had their own part of town called Niggertown. And
no Black family lived in our housing project. This was in
the early 50s.
I knew from experience how important a part of our
Brotherhood of the Planets the Black people are. They have
a right to be proud of their heritage. Many times I had to
keep myself from saying something if a negative remark
was made. Who would understand or tolerate a young child
defending a race? It would only have caused more trouble
for myself. So I learned to close my ears to the blasphemy
of the Black people.
I had lived in Chattanooga for almost a year when I first
met Donna, my Earth mother. I often had wondered when
it would be, and I actually looked forward to it. I never
worried, though, about her recognizing I wasn't Sheila.
Deep in my sleep one night, I could dimly hear Grandma
and another woman speaking in the hallway, in hushed
voices. Was it a dream? I didn't have the energy to wake
up and see.
Then I was aware of her next to me, lying beside me in
266
the bed, and I instinctively snuggled up to put my arms
around her neck. That's how I awoke in the morning.
Big blue eyes, full oflove, looked into mine, and happi­
ness bubbled up inside of me. My arms were still around
her neck, and I knew she waited for me to wake up, happy
to have me so close. She loved me!
"Well well, you finally woke up, sleepy-head!"
"Mommy!" I cried. I hugged her and buried my head
in her neck.
"How's my baby?" she asked in a broken voice, holding
me tight.
"I'm soglad you're here, Mommy."
Donna began to cry, and so did I.
She wanted to take me somewhere special, she said, and
did I have a special dress to wear?
I told her yes. Deep inside I felt akin to her.
"I've been looking at all your clothes," she said, "and
I noticed that Grandma has really kept you dressed very
well. You've got twenty seven dresses!" She had counted
them, every one of them.
"I don't know how many girls have twenty seven dresses.
I don't have that many myself."
I told her that Grandma goes downtown and looks in
the store windows to see the latest styles. Then she comes
home and makes me these dresses, using scraps of materials
left over from the dresses she sews for other people. That's
how I kept in style.
Thanks to Grandma I had gotten an award in school for
being the best-dressed girl.
After breakfast Mom and I went downtown, shopping. A
raincoat was just what I needed, she decided, but it wasn't
until hours later that we finally found the one I liked beautiful sky-blue instead of yellow or black.
Then we had lunch at a little hamburger restaurant, not
267
a fancy place at all, where I devoured a hamburger, french
fries, and soda pop. This was my first meal at a restaurant,
since when Uncle Odin introduced me to this American
food. It was a real treat.
I enjoyed being with Mom, and I felt completely at ease.
Somehow, she made me feel as if I was indeed her own
special little girl. It was warmth and closeness I hadn't yet
experienced on Earth; I welcomed it. And there wasn't
a doubt in my mind that the two of us had spent many
lifetimes together.
At home I went right to work on the coloring book Mom
bought me - the kind where the colors are printed for each
space. When I showed her my first page, she was amazed.
How did I read so well, she wanted to know? All the colors
were correct. Grandma and Mom talked about that for quite
some time, while I, not knowing what to say, kept quiet.
Mom visited us on and off during the next few years,
usually only once a year, whenever she was able to get
away from C.L. for awhile. From what I heard, life with
C.L. was getting rougher.
In no time I was quite attached to my new Mommy.
During one of her rare visits, I cried and cried all evening
when she went off with friends instead of spending the
time with me. Being a child, r was unreasonable. The deep
feelings I had for her, the warmth I felt whenever I was
near her, puzzled me at times. What was it about this Soul,
what experiences in past lifetimes had we shared that made
me feel this way? Years would pass before I finally knew.
When I was ten years old, my life started changing. I
suppose it was because I was becoming more aware of
what was going on in the world around me. I had played
until then and enjoyed myself as far as playing goes. Now
I was keenly interested in life; I was in between being a
child and becoming a teenager.
268
Life at home was beautiful and peaceful. I always looked
forward to when Merle and Ben brought the band to our
house to practice and have fun. Ben played the drums and
Merle the bass fiddle. Then I would be able to dance. And
whenever Ben played the guitar for me, I practiced ballet.
Seeing me perform, Grandma was certain I would grow
up to be a ballet dancer.
I discovered that in dancing I was able to be myself, my
real self, for awhile. As the music played and I lost myself
in its rhythm, I was Omnec again. How wonderful it would
be, I often thought, if my family were not so poor. Then
maybe we would have a harp.
I enjoyed playing with the children in our neighborhood,
making a club and having lemonade and cookies, playing
house and circus together, playing dodgeball and softball.
During the summer there were few days when we didn't
stay out very late, often until midnight, running up and
down the street in parts of the housing project while the
grownups sat talking.
I usually avoided the competitive games, and play­ ing
only for the sake of winning. It bothered me that the
winners taunted and made fun of the losers, who in turn
resorted to fighting. Life was serious enough; games were
supposed to be fun. When it came to playing games, J
almost always turned out to be a leader. Perhaps it was
because my head was always brimming with new and excit­
ing ideas, and being an outgoing person J loved to share
what I knew and felt.
Rarely did I find myself being critical of the other chil­
dren. I always made an effort to befriend the outcasts to
treat them as equals, which sometimes made me an outca' st
too. And I began to feel less and less sorry for myself, for'
my plight. I was too busy learning many new lessons.
In playing with the children in our neighborhood, I
269
learned a great deal about the world and adults. The chil­
dren's attitudes and habits came directly from their par­
ents, instead of from their own experiences. They cursed
as their parents did, and repeated what their parents said
about politics and the Negros. Some of the children hated
the president because he didn't belong to the same party
as their parents. The Russians were all bad because they
were planning to bomb us. And all wanted to grow up and
go into the army because Daddy and Grandpa and all the
uncles had gone off to save America. The adults likewise
had picked up the attitudes of their parents.
It seemed that the devout Christians weren't as preju­
diced against the Blacks as everyone else. Grandma, for
example, set food aside for the railroad bums who occa­
sionally knocked on our door. She felt that as long as she
was generous to others, God would be generous to her.
From her I learned a valuable lesson of generosity and that
he who gives always has what he needs. I also learned that
adults were very easily influenced by what others said or
thought. And everyone interfered in everybody else's life.
I resented being told what to do all the time, but I had to
accept my place as a child. How strange that the children
were rarely given credit for having intelligence, and were
given little freedom tochoose. What the adults said became
the law and was not to be questioned.
Children were expected to become extensions of their
parents, not individuals. It wasn't intentional, but it came
from not understanding that each child is an individual
Soul. Naming children after their father or a relative takes
away from their individuality. Every name has a distinctive
vibration, and people with the same names are kannically
related.
- A very common attitude was that one has to be a winner,
or one has to have a lot of something- money, talents, good
-
270
looks- in order to make it in the world. I didn't understand
this, and it took me a long time to accept it as a part of this
world. I knew that such an attitude brought a great deal of
suffering.
I did not see how it mattered whether a person was beau­
tiful to look at, because only the inner qualities really count.
The physical body is only a shell.
In my life on Earth, I have never escaped the feeling of
being an outsider, of living in a foreign world. As a young
girl in Chattanooga, I often responded to people's thoughts
in a physical way. I would run errands or answer questions
before anyone asked me. This was puzzling to my family,
and I had to be on guard against it. I soon learned that many
people are frightened by those things outside their
understanding. It seemed that anything outside their
understanding brought a negative reaction.
Because I looked at everyone as Soul rather than the
physical body, I was different. I rarely reacted to other
people's anger or negative feelings, because non-reaction
is the only way of warding off the attack. The negative
energy then has no place to go, and returns to the sender.
An angry person just gets angrier.
I do become angry when someone purposely tries to
hurt me or a friend. I always stood up for the persecuted
and harassed children in our neighborhood, and I was often
hurt emotionally and cried because I couldn't understand
all the cruelty in the world.
Communication was a big problem for me. I have always
had trouble with the English language, such as spelling and
pronouncing conectly. To this day I often use one word
when I really intend to use another, much to my own dis­
may.
At first I took seriously everything that people said.
When one of my relatives said to me just before dinner, "Go
271
wash your face off." it disturbed me a great deal. People
used words carelessly.
After Merle and Ben entered the Army, Grandma and I
lived by ourselves and the house was very quiet. Grandma
was very good to me during those years. She had become
attached to her last grandchild. At one time there had been
a houseful of children to raise - now there was only one.
It was a great change for her.
By the time school started again in the fall, life at home
had begun to settle down. Thanks to our new teacher, Mrs.
Dodson, fourth grade turned out to be a most beautiful year.
Every day she read us a story, but first she would put on
these hilarious-looking glasses. Whenever she moved her
head, the eyes which were painted on the glasses blinked.
We looked forward to it every day.
Then a time came when Grandma left for an Army hos­
pital in Kentucky to have an operation. It was arranged by
one of her sons so that she wouldn't have to pay. Aunt Ellen
moved in for two weeks to take care of me.
It wasn't ten minutes after Grandma was gone that Aunt
Ellen and the boys began to show their mean side. Aunt
Ellen was always nice to me when Grandma was around.
Now I wasn't allowed to do anything but go to school and
do chores at home. At the same time, her two boys Donny
and Jim had a great deal of freedom. They could do almost
anything they wanted.
Grandma's stay in the Kentucky hospital was almost
over, and I could hardly wait to see her again. I felt very
fortunate that I was able to live with her, instead of someone
like Aunt Ellen.
Donny and Jim early one day went to the show, while I
was sent to the store on an errand. Arriving home, I found
Aunt Ellen and our next door neighbor just preparing to
leave for the lake with a tub of beer.
272
Aunt Ellen spoke. "Your Grandmother won't let you go
to the show, Sheila." I knew it wasn't true. Grandma had
written a note to Ellen saying that if Donny and Jim.we.nt
to the show, I could go along. "And you can't go with us
to the lake because we'll be drinking beer," she continued.
Aunt Ellen locked the front door and left, warning me to
stay on the porch.
I sat down on the porch step, head propped up with both
hands, feeling low. I wasn't really surprised that this was
my special treat for the day, being locked outside while
Donny and Jim were at the show enjoying themselves. The
whole week hadn't been much better. I sighed, wondering
what I was going to do all day.
When I looked up, my spirits lifted. It was Daddy, actu­
ally Daddy! There he was, walking down the sidewalk
toward me. How wonderful it was to see him, today of all
days.
"Hi, Honey, where's your Grandmother?" "Oh, she's in
the hospital," I said. "She's having an operation in Ken­
tucky."
"Well, who's watching you?" he asked.
Aunt Ellen, I told him, but she was at the lake today and
I was locked out.
Daddy looked around. "Where's the boys?" he asked.
"They went to the show," I explained with a note of
sadness.
"This is not nice. I'm not going to have it," he said
indignantly. "Your Aunt Ellen been good to you?"
"Well, no," I admitted, "She was real mean to me for a
long time ..." I poured out my woes to him.
Entering through a screened window, my father led me
into the house, promising that I would most surely stay
with him until Grandma returned. We gathered my things
and left a message for Aunt Ellen with the neighbors. I
273
of course was elated. But this was nothing compared to
my joy on Monday, after Daddy had enrolled me in his
neighborhood's school.
All of us children were marching over to the play park on
Cherry Street when someone sneaked up behind me in line
and tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around, expecting
to see the girl behind me, giggling.
"That's my Mommy!" I cried in jubilation, jumping up
and down. We hugged each other. "How did you find me?"
I asked. This was too good to be true. What a wonderful
treat to be seeing her again!
'5Oh, your Grandmother wrote me ..., and I was wor­
ried about you. Aunt Ellen said you were with your father,
she explained with a beaming smile. It was great to see
Mommy so happy.
We continued on our walk to the play park where Mom
and I sat by ourselves to talk. She asked how I was doing,
how I liked school; I learned that she and C.L. were
passing through Tennessee on their way East to open a
restaurant.
Mom sat through the reading hour and then our teacher
let me leave school early. At Peggy and David's house we
gathered my clothes. Then we returned home to 1821
Southern Street. Upon hearing how badly I had been treated,
Mom decided to stay with me until Grandma came home.
1 was greatly relieved, and thankful too that she would be
spending some extra time with us.
All of a sudden, Aunt Ellen and the boys were unusually
kind to me. A few days later when Grandma returned and
heard the whole story, she was so upset as to vow that I
would never stay with Aunt Ellen again.
As always, when Mommy left I cried and she cried, until
we were out of each other's sight. My strong attachment
to her was unexplainable. It was as if she had always been
274
my mother, for whenever the time came for her to leave, I
yearned to go with her.
All that year and into the following summer I was in
and out of hospitals and medical clinics. According to one
doctor my problem was anemia. I was a sickly little girl.
Ever since I began eating Earth food, my stomach has
given me trouble. Often l had to leave school and go home
because of stomach pains. Part of the problem was that we
rarely had a balanced meal. There was barely enough
protein in my diet to keep me alive. We ate mostly starches,
no salads, and almost no fruit. Cooked greens were over­
cooked, and whenever we had meat it was overdone. Our
family was very poor indeed.
Because I ran around barefooted, and thanks to our poor
diet, I came under the attack of pinworms. Shortly there­
after I had an appendix attack. But most ofmy discomfort
and suffering was from persistent colds, fevers, boils, styes,
and terrible stomach pains. Perhaps it was all a part of my
subconscious rejection of the physical world.
Physical pain never bothered me a great deal, not as
much as emotional pain bothered me. It hurt me more if
someone was angry with me or was mean to me than if
they snacked me in the face.
I was never one for letting on that I was physically hurt­
ing. I would act as if nothing was wrong, no matter how
bad the pain, partly because I felt it was degrading to have
physical pain. And then, being chronically uncomfortable
in the physical body made all the extra pain bearable.
It wasn't easy to live in a physical body that always got
tired, and that had to be put to sleep every day whether I
desired it or not. Bumping against objects was painful, tear­
ing the skin was dangerous, and all kinds of bacteria were
constantly attacking the body. "What a miserable place this
physical world is, "I often thought.
275
Taking baths, washing, brushing my hair, brushing my
teeth, all these chores were a bother that I had to accept.
Cold weather was something I especially disliked; it
made me more conscious of the physical body and all its
pains. The discomfort and pains of the body have become
a whole new dimension of existence for me.
I didn't realize it at the time, but sixth grade was my last
year of school. As usual, we were taught all kinds of things
that I wasn't interested in, yet most of the time I was given
very high grades. My favorite school experiences were art
classes, sports, and school plays.
History classes bothered me. How could so many people
be proud of the wars that had been fought for freedom?
Children became impressed with the idea that force and
rebellion was a sure way of reaching goals. I always
thought it should also be taught that there were other ways
to overcome disagreements.
During this year my interest in boys began to blossom.
Until now, Grandma was always after me about being
interested in boys. Finally I was getting interested within
myself.
My cousin Janice and I enjoyed dressing up when I spent
the night with. Wearing long dresses, high-heeled shoes
and lipstick, we paraded up and down the streets. Grandma
would have killed me had she found out.
My friend Mary was most responsible for my grow­ ing
interest in boys, and loafers, and Elvis Pressley. I did not
exactly love the music, but it was a part of our being
together.
Mary's older sister Lilly influenced us a great deal about
boys and make-up, and the world of adolescence. She was
sixteen. They played a weird game together, Mary and
Lilly. At least that's how I felt at the time. It wasn't for
276
me. Lilly pretended to be a boy and Mary the girl; and
then they made love.
It was close to August when Donna wrote us again.
Everything had changed for the better. She and C. L. were
no longer drinking and fighting, and were now living a
delightful life on Sanibel Island, off the Florida coast from
Fort Meyers. They were managing the Sandcastles Motel.
From the postcard they sent, it seemed like a paradise; and
I drooled over the miles and miles of long white sandy
beaches and the lush tropical growth.
"Would it be all right," they asked, "if Sheila stayed with
us a few weeks?" I yearned to leave that very same day,
but Grandma wasn't so sure. I begged and pleaded, and we
discussed the pros and cons for days.
Finally the turning point came. Grandma said, "I know
you love your mother, and you cry about her all the time,
so I guess you can go see her for awhile."
I didn't know what to say, I was so happy and excited.
Hurray! At last I was going somewhere outside of Ten­
nessee!
The day Uncle Bob drove me to the bus station, I felt
more grownup than ever before. All summer Grandma had
been sewing dresses for me, and today I chose to wear my
favorite one. It was a white dress, printed with red and
orange and yellow sunset-colored flowers. It was fitted in
the waist and had a flared skirt and low-cut back. And I
wore the black patent leather pumps and hose that Mom
had sent me.
As I boarded the bus, my cousin Andrea slipped me
some lipstick behind Grandma's back. Grandma sniffled
and said goodbye. I looked at her. Yes, I truly would miss
this woman who had made sure I was provided with every­
thing I needed, despite our poverty. I hugged her and kissed
her. I really loved her.
277
The bus left Chattanooga. I was going somewhere by
myself1 "I hope I never see this place again," I thought.
Feeling very grown up, off by myself, and wearing red
lipstick, what I didn't know was that my life had been very
protected during these first Earth years. But the roughest
bout with Karma was yet to begin...
Chapter 3
Living with a dictator
f1t was a warm June day in 1962 when I climbed aboard
U the bus bound for Florida. I entered my life here on
Earth on a bus and now it was once again one of these grey
buses that should take me to my mother. I was excited and
looking forward to seeing her again. What would we
experience together?
I reflected back as we left the city limits of Chattanooga.
My life with my grandmother in Chattanooga was excit­
ing and sometimes disturbing. I learned countless things
about life on Earth. Now I was looking forward to new
experiences in a different part of the country. It was not
the beautiful lush green mountains and scenery that I was
glad to leave but the level of consciousness of the area. The
limited view of the people caused by their Christian faith
and prejudices was very often confusing to me. I remem­
bered one incident in particular:
It was one of the rare cold winters in Chattanooga when
we had ice and snow. We had services at the church we
went to three times a week. It was a Monday night and we
were on our way to prayer meeting. We were walking with
a group of people. I was one of the few young children
going to these services.
There was a family of black people that lived across the
street on the corner from the church. Coming closer we
could see smoke and flames, and in the distance was the
sound of fire truck sirens approaching. I began to run
278
279
when I saw that it was the house of the black family that
was on fire.
When I got there I could see the lady running out of the
house carrying a bundle in her arms and shouting for help.
She laid a small child on the snow-covered ground
wrapped only in a diaper! She ran back inside to get more
of her children or belongings
I have seen all these people standing there, not helping,
just watching her panic and the baby crying. I ran into the
yard, got onto my knees and picked up the child of about
three months old. I opened my coat and put the baby inside
and stood up holding it against my body to keep it warm.
Soon grandma was by my side, then we heard voices
from the crowd of people: "What do you think you are
doing? That is a nigger baby! What are you? A nigger
lover?!"
I started to cry: "Grandma, why are they angry at me?
We cannot let this little baby freeze and be scared! They
are supposed to be Christians!"
Then the black lady came and took the baby out of my
arms and I was shuffled off to the church for services.
I remembered many occasions just like this one. It wasn't
my grandmother, she had taught me to love and care for
people. She never dwelled on race. She had much love and
compassion and was gentle and kind to everyone.
She was born to a well-known family. There is even
a street named after them. She was married to a man of
Irish-English descent who worked at a coal-mine. When
he died of the black lung and left her with eleven children
and the family lost all their money after the war, she had to
go to work. She did housework for a black doctor's family
during the depression. This was very unusual at that time
and she was always thankful to them.
I would miss her, she was the one who cared and loved
280
me here. She was my protection. I really felt bad about
leaving her. Still I was looking forward to seeing more
about Earth. I was convinced that people in different areas
had to feel differently about life and themselves.
As I looked out the bus window I could see palm trees:
Florida - it was very flat and sunny!
When we arrived in Fort Myers, I looked for Donna but
didn't see her. Suddenly a tall man in a hat walked over
and called "Sheila?" I stood there looking at C.L's smiling
face. He was about 6 feet tall, hazel eyes, dark hair and a
mustache. My heart sank, I really was hoping she would
come. He took my suitcase and I followed him to the car.
He scared me.
"Where's Mommy?" I asked timidly. "Oh, she's on the
island. We have to take the ferry over," he replied. "A
ferry!" I exclaimed. For a moment I forgot my fear. It would
be my first boat ride ever.
The ferry trip to Sanibel Island was as lovely and excit­
ing as I imagined. On the horizon was a strip of green,
barely visible as I craned my neck over the side. What
gorgeous sights greeted us as we docked and began our
drive through the lush jungle! Most of the island was a
tropical wilderness of palm trees, palmetto grass, skunk
cabbage, and oh so many wild-looking plants. Flamingos
and wild rabbits seemed to be everywhere. It was paradise.
Leaving the main road, we soon came upon a cluster of
cottages set upon wooden stilts. All around were miniature
orange bushes. The ocean sounded very close. "This is the
Sandcastles Resort", C.L. announced. He stopped the car
in a small clearing, just ahead of the resort office.
Seconds later the door burst open and a beautiful woman
in shorts ran toward us. Donna! Her long curly blond hair
swinging and bouncing. It was all the way to her waist!
Her skin was a deep, rich brown, and she looked so full of
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vigor, so alive. She threw her arms around me, just about
squeezed me to death. It was so wonderful to see her again.
She was done with work every day at four, she told me
happily. Then she was free to do anything, go swimming
in the resort's pool, or perhaps walk the beach collecting
shells. Sanibel Island was famous for the many varieties
of sea shells that washed up on the shores.
The beach was fantastic! Sandpipers were running up
and down, jumping as the waves came in. All of this, the
roar of the sea, the salty crisp breeze, the thousands of
purple, yellow, and pink coquina shells looking like but­
terflies took my thoughts backto Tythania's shores and the
times T sat, with buried toes, just staring out to sea. It
reminded me of the life T left behind that night we landed
in the Nevada desert.
I waded out into the water, splashing with my feet as
the waves came in, enjoying the afternoon sun. A beautiful
multicolored flower came floating along and I moved to
pick it up from underneath. Mom's screams rang in my
ears. I froze. She dashed over and grabbed my hand, a look
of terror in her eyes. That beautiful floating thing was not
a flower - it was a deadly jellyfish!
Mom pointed to the left. What a sight! Hundreds of
flamingoes flocked on a distant sandbar. They were just
too beautiful for words, like a pink cloud when a whole
bunch flew off. Here was the flamingoes' mating place. It
was very uncommon, Mom said, to see them like this. They
always choose out-of-the-way places to mate.
The sun was beginning to set, and my mother motioned
for us to go. "We've got to hurry because the mosquitoes
come out, and they're really bad around here."
Our cottage turned out to be way back in the woods. As
soon as we drove up, I was warned to run as fast as I could
into the house. Otherwise the mosquitoes would eat me
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alive. I was certain Mom was exaggerating. Sure enough,
moments after I got out of the car my ann was black, and
I mean black. It was frightening because the air was filled
with clouds of them, and they covered my face and all the
exposed parts of my body. There was nothing I could do
but wipe them off by the handful.
For dinner we ate shrimp boiled in beer. I wasn't sure
whether I would like them because I never tasted shrimp,
and I surely never heard ofboiling them in beer. But I loved
them! They tasted like out of this world. Shrimp boiled
in beer are among my favorite foods ever since. Going to
sleep listening to all the night sounds, all the creatures in the
jungle making noises, was a new and strange experience.
The next day, Mom walked over toa large box and called
me over to see something. "What is it?" - "It's my art.
See, I have been collecting seashells and l make pictures
of some and others are rare because they come down the
gulf from other countries, these I save."
She showed me a completed picture. She would glue a
piece of plywood to the back of a wooden frame, then
paint the frame and background black. She would arrange
sand glued along the bottom to form a beach scene, then
glue seaweed that she dried in different places making
plants, then colorful seashells were glued in the place, little
coquino shells were arranged like butterflies. They were
simply beautiful and many tourists bought them.
She showed me a book on seashells and I learned the
name of various shells. I loved to be together with her. We
were enjoying making art till C.L. came noisily back yelling and obviously drunk. We hurriedly put everything
away.
One night at full moon we went out to find seashells:,
That night the tide would go out away from the island,
exposing miles of the ocean floor that was usually under
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water. It was amazing. It was a breathtaking experience and
strangely quiet as we walked into the moonlight. All you
could hear was Mom and I laughing and talking. Mom and I
walked out onto the exposed sand - it was alive with shells,
you could feel them wriggling under your feet. We scooped
up all we could into our bucket and carried them back.
C.L. had waited in the office drinking, of course. He did
not have the enthusiasm for shell gathering and collecting
that we had. He was impatient and drunk. "It's bout time",
he bellowed. "Let's go out of here." Mom said we would
clean the shells tomorrow. C.L. had a violent temper and
had on occasion hit Monr:,
The next morning Mom and I took a water hose and
rinsed the sand off the shells over a screen, then put the
washed shells into another bucket. Mom explained to me
that we had to boil all the shells to retain their sheen and
remove the dead sea creatures - they look like snails or
crabs. We had some beautiful and rare ones! We also had
Sanddollars. These were very popular among the tourists.
When they are first caught, Sanddollars are not as white
and glossy as tourists see them. They are really brown and
funny-looking until soaked alive in bleach. Soaking them
alive in bleach - I thought that was horrible. How could
people do such a cruel thing.
I was invited to many social events on the island -dances
and parties with other young people whose parents man­
aged other places. I was never allowed to go. C.L. was
a very possessive man. I was afraid of him and avoided
being alone with him. He had tried to force me to drink
many times.
I really loved Sanibel Island and found it peaceful and
educational. There was so much to see and learn. Once I
was swimming out into the ocean and saw two fins coming
toward me. I screamed and started swimming frantically
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toward shore. Mom was there and she was laughing. I was
saying "help, it's a shark!" - "No", she said, "calm down,
those are dolphins. When I first saw them, I was scared,
too." I looked behind me and saw them jumping in and out
of the waves. I loved swimming. In no time at all I learned
to swim from one end of the pool to the other. Doing ballet
under water was more of a challenge, but it was more fun,
too. Swimming in the ocean was no fun. The salty water
smelled good, but it burned my eyes and tasted terrible.
Most of the time I sat on the beach and stared out to sea,
thinking about my new life. Being on Sanibel Island, I
appreciated my life on Earth more and more.
As the days passed, my mother and I grew to be close
friends. Before, when she visited me in Tennessee, I saw
her only two or three days at a time. Now I was with her
every day. I could easily have stayed on Sanibel Island for
the rest of my life. I wrote Grandma and all the folks back
home how wonderful it was.
Even though C.L. wouldn't let me go to the parties, I
had plenty of friends. I met and played with the children
who came to the resort with their parents.
But as the weeks went by, C.L. became less and less
kind. Mom and he were on the road to their old ways again,
drinking and fighting. They told me I wasn't going back
home to my grandmother. Then Mom and C.L. had a big
argument about my going back to school in the fall. C.L.
won. He wasn't "going to pay for no brat to go to school."
I wrote Grandma about all this. Her answer was not
what I expected: "I won't force you to come back, Sheila,
because I know how much you love your mother, even
though I have custody of you until you're eighteen." And
that was that!
We stayed on Sanibel until mid-August. It was near my
15th birthday when I found out we were leaving, it
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was a sudden decision of C.L. based on the fact that a lot
of money had come in for reservations for fall. C.L. was
tempted by all the money and instead of depositing it as he
usually did he kept it. Everything valuable he stolVI
watched in amazement as C.L. crammed the car full of
coins and pop from the vending machines, a typewriter and
the two-way marine radio, all of the cash from reservations
and payments, and assorted goodies. Now I saw for myself
how C.L. did his dirty work. I was shocked, there was no
warning, just pack and let's go!
I ran down to the beach. There was a beautiful sun­
set. This is how I want to remember this beautiful place
I thought. Because there had been talk of a bridge being
built from Fort Myers to Sanibel - then I knew big hotels,
paved roads and lots of changes would make this a popular
rather than a quiet close to nature island.
I heard Mom calling me and turned away from my last
glimpse of paradise and all the beautiful living things. I had
grown to love these past three months. I sadly walked back
to where the car was parked - it was packed full. I had to
ride in the front with Mom and C.L. Fortunately they had
also packed our trunk full of shells. It was getting dark as
we headed for the cottage to get our clothes and to wait for
daylight and the first ferry. C.L. wanted to be across the
state line as soon as possible since he was stealing
everything he could. He said we were going to Mexico. It
was the 15th of August and as I rode miles down the road.
I thought, where will I be in five days on my birthday? I
wished I had known we were leaving, then I could have
written Grandma or called her. Even though my life with
her had been boring it had been secure. By all means I had
to try to keep in touch with her. So here 1 am, starting a new
episode in my life. First Mom showed me how to mix
drinks. She was sitting between me and C.L. who was
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speeding as always. The vodka was on the floor on my side
of the car with some lime and grapefruit soda. I liked the
soda but not the vodka.
Well, here l am mixing drinks as we drive down a high­
way toward Mexico. What a life! It certainly wasn't boring.
I closed my eyes to reflect on the place we had just left,
the only place close to paradise on Earth since l left Venus.
But even Sanibel could not compare with it. Life on Venus
seemed only a beautiful dream.
I always wanted to remember Sanibel Island with its soft
white wann sand, palm trees waving in the warm balmy
wind. The sound of the ocean, peaceful yet powerful. The
jungle foliage in the background. The sandpipers chas­ ing
the waves - running out and in with them. Sometimes
dolphins' cries mixed with seagulls'. The hot sun - softly
warming the body and turning it golden brown. How the
moon made a silver path across the ocean that l dreamed of
dancing on in my astral or Soul body. The sun rises turning
the water pink and golct)
Even storms were wonderful - the ocean becoming dark
blue and grey. How you could see the rain in the distance
as it approached your area. Falling in blue grey swirls from
the dark thunder clouds toward the earth. Thunder rolling
off, then becoming louder, lightning playing across the
heavens, creating a special-effect for those who watched!
Raindrops falling back into the ocean from were it came.
Each drop making small circles running into one another,
almost looking like drops of silver and jewels from abov
The wind which had increased made the water look rough
and foreboding.
I loved the calmness, as the dark clouds blew away and
the sun once again dominated the sky over the island, color
once again becoming aquamarine blue. Water dripping off
the trees sparkling like so many jewels decorating the
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plants. How quickly the sand absorbed the moisture as once
again everything took on a certain clearness. The rain had
washed away the dust and haze, returning my paradise to
new beauty and wonder...
I was jolted back to reality by the halting of the car! We
had arrived in Mexico. Only a few days later we went back
to Florida. We rented a bungalow just across the backyard
from C.L.'s mother. None of C.L.'s family really cared for
him. Leslie, C.L.'s daughter, couldn't stand hint,She
mentioned to Mom that she didn't trust C.L. around her
four little girls, and most of the family knew that Leslie's
mother lost a child because of C.L.'s beatings.
I began to see more and more of the mean side of C.L.
Why he had such a terrible temper I didn't know; but I
remembered that his own mother believed he was pos­
sessed by a demon.
C.L. was a dictator, a very domineering person. I was
afraid of him, always nervous in his presence. Everything
had to be done his way, and violence was his favorite sport.
If Mom and I didn't eat when he wanted us to, and what
he wanted us to, he would hit the both of us. If the food
wasn't cooked the way he liked it, regardless of what we
liked, C.L. would be furious. When I asked for ketchup
for a hotdog, C.L. screamed: "I don't eat ketchup on my
hotdog, nobody else eats ketchup on their hotdogs ... only
a fool eats ketchup on their hotdog!" On another occa­
sion, Mom got up from the table to go to the washroom,
C.L. promptly beat her on the head for not asking permis­
sion.
So there were many days when Mom and I sat on the
porch hoping C.L. wouldn't come home. Later, when we
lived out West and C.L. was in the contracting business,
we hoped he would fall off a scaffold and break his neck.
That's how bad it was to have him around.
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C.L. hated music, except of course when he himself
was singing. And he hated radios, too. Mom and I enjoyed
sitting up at night, talking and listening to country western
music. Usually he went to bed early and was sound asleep
before we dared turn it on. But for C.L., quiet was not quiet
enough. "Shut the God-damned radio offi" his voice would
boom from the bedroom. Living with C.L. was like being
in a prisoner-of-war camp. In ways it was worse.
Uncle Odin once said that a person who doesn't like
music is certainly being controlled by the negative forces.
C.L. had no interests m culture. His only loves were money
and liquor.
Logic was one gift C.L. had more than enough of.
Because he could make me understand his way of think­
ing if he had to beat it into me, I learned a great deal from
him. I learned how to be logical and practical whenever I
needed to be that way.
C.L. punished himself for the loss of his child. He raved
about how he had beaten his wife, his pregnant wife, and
that the baby was later born without a kidney. Yes, C.L. was
mean. But he did have a mental problem and a drinking
problem. There were times when he did show his nicer side,
but his mood changed drastically from one moment to the
next. I could never tell how he would treat us, whether he
would be nasty or kind.
C.L.'s bad health came from his drinking, especially the
liver sores on his hands. And there was always a newspaper
on or near his bed for him to spit on.
I felt sorry for the man as much as I disliked him. C.L.
was himself suffering inside, for all the mean things he had
done in life. I knew he felt guilty about many many things,
and J am sure they will haunt him for a long time to come.
One day, C.L. declared that it was time to do conven­
tional work again, and his new job was at his brother289
in-law's produce company. I wasn't sure what he had in
mind when he brought home a huge barrel of crushed and
moldy fruit. The next day, when there were more grapes,
bananas, and oranges, I knew: C.L. was going into the
moon-shining business, and Mom and I were his first two
(unpaid) employees.
We spent our days slashing and stamping around in a
huge foot tub in the living room, squishing the grapes,
bananas, oranges, and who knows what else with our bare
feet. I can't say we didn't have a hilarious time, Mom and
I, dancing around and laughing, and feeling the grapes
popping between our toes.
Every day C.L. came home with more fruit, and five
pound bags of sugar. Our first problem was with the neigh­
bors; they kept getting a sniff of our fruit. The barrel sat
covered with a sheet on the back porch. They assumed we
were making preserves, and C.L. readily agreed. The day
C.L.'s mother visited us and sniffed her way to the back
porch, I could see he was worried. But she too was naive
enough to believe the fruit-canning story.
Our wine turned out delicious! One whole day Mom and
I sat out on the porch straining the brew into gallon jugs.
We carefully lined the funnel with a cloth and poured the
well-fermented goop through. Then we had to squeeze the
cloth, together with the squishy fruit inside.
C.L. came home and was pleased with our accom­
plishments. The next day he sold the wine to his fellow
workers at the produce company, and this went on for
some time. C.L.'s next idea was to drive around the town
picking up cases of empty bottles from the bars. Soon we
had a whole business going, of Mom and I sitting all day
straining the stuff into all sorts of little bottles, and C.L.
going out to collect the money. It was full-fledged boot­
legging.
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Not satisfied with his scope of operations, C.L. began
selling by the case. Late at night C.L. would set a case or
two out by the mailbox. Early in the morning one of C.L.'s
select customers would arrive with the money, stuff it in
the mailbox, and pick up a case.
The straining kept us busy for hours and hours, day after
day. Never once did we finish our work sober, because of
the fumes, and one day it was so bad we couldn't even talk
straight. Just then the landlady stopped by to say hello. By
the time C.L. came home, Mom and the landlady were
stretched out on the living room floor. C.L. laughed. But
when the landlady went home, C.L. unleashed his fury.
Mom went to bed with yet another beating behind her.
Our business ended as abruptly as it began. The Tampa
police somehow got wind of it and came cruising by one
day early in the morning. Peeping out the front window
we saw the squad car slowing down right by the mailbox,
where our case of wine was sitting.
We were terrified! As soon as they were out of sight, C.L.
ran out, grabbed that case, and dashed into the backyard.
Minutes later we were busy digging a hole. In went the
last of our brew from the barrels, and all of the wine Mom
and I spent so much time straining. There was so much
wine in the hole that the dirt was just floating on top. And
did it smell! For days the fumes were like a cloud in our
backyard. Willie the Worm, our landlord's sausage dog
almost drowned in that hole. The poor little thing waddled
around our yard drunk for days.
Shortly afterwards, new difficulties in my life with my
mother and C.L. emerged. C.L.'s father came to live with
us a few weeks later. That was when all the trouble started.
Pap, as we called him, was a nasty old fellow when he
drank, and he had a habit of taking all his clothes off and
flinging himself across the bed. Mom usually tiptoed in to
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shut the door. But then there were times when he tried to
grab me or feel me, and I complained to her about it."Well,
he's old," she said. "Just ignore him." That's what I did- I
stayed away from him.
What I didn't know was that Pap took revenge on me for
avoiding him. He gave my mother an earful of lies about
seeing me and C.L. together when she was away. Mom
never said anything about it, except when she was drunk.
Then she and C.L. got into heated arguments about me,
while Pap just sat back and laughed.
When she wasn't coming right out and accusing us of
sleeping together, she sat around throwing out slurring
remarks. C.L. took full advantage of the situation. When
Mom was at work he would say: "If we're going to be
accused of it, we might as well go ahead and do it."
"Never!" I would reply, ready to break out in tears.
Mostly I tried to ignore him.
I was caught in a vicious circle of C.L.'s father trying to
make passes and telling my mother lies, my mother
accusing C.L. and me of it, and C.L. himself trying to get
me in bed with him.
My stomach turned into knots whenever they took to
the bottles. Before long they would be fighting again. I
knew this and cried. "Silly little girl," they said, laughing.
I couldn't understand how these people could be so mean.
It was bad enough to have someone like C.L. around, but
Mom's cruelty broke my heart. I had no idea of where to
turn for help.
I didn't really blame her. She was being confused by
Pap's lies and her knowing about C.L.'s reputation with
young girls. And when she was drunk, she said things she
normally wouldn't have said.
I became a confused and upset child. I had very little
freedom at home, and no friends. In the evenings I loved to
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sneak out in my bathing suit and run through our neighbor's
lawn sprinklers. But it wasn't possible unless everyone at
home was drunk. With so little love and affection at home,
I was hungry for attention and freedom.
Night after night I looked up into the sky, hoping to see
a ship. And I tried to communicate mentally, but noth­
ing came of it. I guess they were reluctant to contact me
b'<_cause then they would have been tempted to help me.
wil.enever encouraging thoughts entered my mind which
f knew weren't my own, I realized how aware they were
of what was ha ning. Thanks to their inner guidance I
did not give up, and much of what I would have learned
in school came to me in the same way.
Memories of my home in Teutonia, and Odin and Arena,
all the beautiful people I once knew, came back to haunt me
often. Alone and unhappy, I thought long and hard about
all I had given up in exchange for what I was getting. To
convince myself again that I needed to accept my life as
Karma, and live it out, was harder and harder as the days
and weeks dragged on.
I felt trapped and thought of my uncle's words, that
"though you suffer, try to see the valuable lessons in these
unfortunate experiences." And I remembered my teacher
Rami Nuri saying: "All these unhappy moments will bring
you many valuable experiences from which you may begin
to understand your fellow man and his attitudet:5
But these thoughts uplifted me only for a little while.
Sitting alone and crying became a way of life the more I
realized how terrible my plight was. And this was only a
small beginning ...
In time, C.L. again had the urge to move on, to make or
take money somewhere else. Virginia was our next stop.
Here Mom and C.L. managed "The Barbecue Pit", a truck­
stop restaurant. C.L. was great at making barbecue sauce,
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and had the brilliant idea of building an open pit out in front
of the place. To attract customers he cooked onions on the
pit, sending the strong aroma far and wide. We didn't stay
in Virginia long enough for any of us to settle down. C.L.
had the itch to move on again.
Tired and road-weary after a cross-country trip, we
climbed out of the car in San Diego, California. A milk
truck driver stopped to give us directions, and by the time
C.L. was finished with his sob stmy, the man left us several
gallons of milk. He directed us to where the apartments
were cheap.
Mom immediately went looking for a waitressing job.
Luck was with her. Out on an island in San Diego Bay she
was given a well-paying banquet-only position. I enjoyed
going to pick her upevery day, crossing by ferry and seeing
all the night lights of the city.
Meanwhile, C.L. was busy in the contracting business.
His work was very simple; he gave free estimates and then
arranged for subcontractors to do the job. As soon as a con­
tract was signed, C.L. pocketed the cash. The unsuspecting
customers saw the last of him.
One of C.L.'s clients was his dentist. In return for C.L.
erecting an addition to the medical offices, the dentist
agreed to pay 1000 $, pull all of C.L.'s teeth, and then fit
him with false teeth. It was a terrible experience for C.L.
to go through. Talk about him being a devil, when he was
having his teeth pulled we went through hell with him.
Mom and I began to feel like basketballs - we were slapped
around so much.
Needless to say, construction on the dentist's building
never began. With 1000 $ in his pocket and a new set of
teeth, C.L. took off.
But this time luck was against him. Mom and I were still
rushing around, packing, when the radios started blaring
294
his description all over San Diego. On a previous visit to
San Diego, C.L. had gotten involved with a young girl
and finished her off when she got pregnant. Authorities in
Texas believed he brought her there before she disappeared.
We did not get far down the highway before a police car
pulled us to the side. Mom and I sat in the car, watching,
and hoping C.L. would be arrested and taken away. Then
we heard the police radio giving out C.L.'s description and
license number, while he and the policeman stood outside
talking and laughing, and acting like old friends. C.L. had
quite a way with people!
C.L. also had a wealth of ideas on how to make money
without working. Our hair-raising escape from San Diego
did not seem to frighten him in the least. At El Paso we
crossed over into Mexico long enough to load up the truck
with Tequila and whiskey which he sold for higher prices
in the States. Together with C.L.'s savings from his "work"
in San Diego, we were able to live for a while in a motel in
Phoenix, Arizona. C.L. relaxed at home while Mom worked
as a waitress. Then we settled down in a trailer park and
C.L. did some more "contracting work".
Qne night, I heard Uncle Qdiu calling me. I woke up, it
was about 11.30 at night. Mom and C.L. were fast asleep
after some heavy drinking. I had gone to bed early to
escape. Uncle Odin explained to me that the Brotherhood
had decided for me to have a special examination to see
h_&p..!Jysical and emotional changes were occurring dur­
ing my life here on Earth
• "How?" I asked. "We are taking care of everything, you
only need to get dressed and someone will pick you up at
the entrance to the trailer park." "What if they wake up
and find me gone?" - "We are using our energy to keep
them asleep. Don't worry. We will keep them sleeping till
you return." "You mean I am really going to see you
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again!" I all of a sudden felt a surge of excitement. "Yes, my
little one! However you must calm yourself. I recommend
a meditation beforehand. So I can be with you without
becoming distressed!"
I did my meditation, got dressed and went to the street to
wait. It was very quiet. We were on the outskirts of Phoenix
close to the dese1t. I only saw a few lights as I stood there.
Suddenly a big Cadillac pulled up, the window went
down and there was Uncle Odin for the first time since
we parted years before! I felt tears - not sad but joy - for
the first time I knew tears of joy! There was his handsome
loving face that I had missed so much! He stepped out
and embraced me. I sobbed. "Don't cry, angel", he said.
"I know it has been a terrible ordeal. I wish it could be
otherwise, but we have no control over destiny, and you
have not only taken on Sheila's Karma but are also paying
your own personal debts. I admire your courage for I don't
think I could withstand the pain - physical and emotional
- that you are experiencing."
I got into the car and he passed me a glass vial with a
serum to relax me and for cleansing the negative energy
around me so that he could be close to me without an
adverse effect on him, Odin explained. "You have been
exposed to so much for one so new here." I drank it and felt
a strange peace overcome me - not just physical but deepeb
We drove for about 30 minutes and turned off the main
road heading into the desert. It was very dark and quiet. We
parked and as Uncle Odin helped me out I saw the outline
of a spaceship, approx. 30 feet in diameter. It looked like
a shadow except for the faintly glowing port holes. There
was a small ramp entering the ship's interior. When we
arrived inside, I heard a faint humming sound and there was
a slight light of bluish tint all around. We were in a circle
of a room with two seats in front of a panel with switches
296
and a screen. There were two men waiting for us. I followed
them down a very narrow corridor to a small pie-shaped
room. There was a small table,just like the examining table
in a doctor's office. I was asked to take off my clothes. A
strikingly handsome man resembling a mixture of Asian
and white, obviously a Martian, took them and put them on a
small chair. I felt a twinge of self-consciousness because I
was alone with three men. This was also something I had
learned from living on Earth: to hide your nude physical
body from one another.
I lay on the table and a square box was lowered over my
body. It had a big crystal in the center much like an eye. It
glowed pink and purple and scanned me from top to toe. I
felt the warm energy emitting from it- it was very relaxing.
I drifted off to sleep. Suddenly Uncle Odin was calling me.
I opened my eyes, not sure if I had been dreaming. No, I
was still inside the spaceship and Uncle Odin was standing
next to me, smiling.
I got up, dressed and went outside to the waiting car. I
felt much better than when I arrived, sort of recharged. On
the drive back I asked the time, only one and a half hour
had passed! I was tired but felt peaceful and reassured that
my people still cared and had not abandoned me.
Uncle Odin spoke, receiving my thoughts. "You must
never think we don't care for you, you are important to us.
Much depends on what you learn and experience. We are
so sad because we can only stand by and watch. But we try
to send you protection and love energy to encourage you."
"Yes" I said. "I feel it. I know I must succeed. I chose
this as difficult as it is."
I felt comforted when they left me at the entrance of the
trailer park. Uncle Odin hugged me and kissed my
forehead. "Aunt Arena said to give you a kiss from her.
She is still there in our own dimension. She cannot allow
297
herself to join us. Your father is well and he loves you and
is proud of you in his own distant way."
I walked back to our trailer, once again to face a different
reality- one in which fear and pain were dominating. How
long can I protect myself and my Mom, I thought. Nobody
had noticed my absence.
For a while, I was content with our life at the trailer
park. On many days C.L. came home and tossed bundles
of cash on the bed, of tens, twenties, even hundreds. Mom
and I had the job of counting the day's pay. We never did
figure out how C.L. was able to hoodwink so many people.
As soon as Mom and I began feeling at home and accus­
tomed to our new smToundings, the inevitable happened.
C.L. decided to leave Arizona. Two days later we arrived
in Albuquerque, New Mexico.
By now it was time that I started my working career,
C.L. announced. He wasn't able to find the kind of work he
wanted, so he applied for welfare. I of course was nervous,
being barely fifteen and not really having a conception of
working for a living. With Mom and C.L.'s help, I found
a job as a costumed curb girl at a drive-in restaurant. My
hours were from twelve midnight until six in the morning.
I didn't mind working at night. It was a good feeling to be
away from the house for awhile and meet all kinds of
people. For someone who had been cooped up for two
years it was a relief.
Almost every day a Mexican boy-his name was Miguel
- came in to say hello. And he would run up and grab me
around my waist, swinging me around. "Hey, you can't do
that in a restaurant!" I'd exclaim. Miguel just laughed. He
was crazy about me, and I loved him too. It was my first
real romance, my first love in my Earth life.
There were times when Miguel brought me home, and
being an outgoing person he naturally wanted to go inside
298
\
to meet C.L. and Mo ut l knew all too well of C.L.'s
racial prejudice. Worse yet, C.L. didn't even know a boy was
driving me home. After I told Miguel about the kind of
man C.L. was, he asked ifI would run off with him, but as
bad as my home life was, I didn't have the guts to leave home
just then. I was too afraid of C.L.
C.L. stunned me one morning. "I'll pick you up at the
restaurant and I don't want you to leave the place until I
get there," he said. Whether or not he knew what he was
doing, he made sure Miguel and I would spend as little
time as possible together.
Then one fine morning I waited ... and I waited. One
hour, two hours, three - it was ten o'clock and the boss
was wondering what I was doing there. I took a cab home.
As I stepped inside the door, I could hear C.L. moving
about. I sensed trouble ahead. Ignoring him I went into
the bathroom to run a bath and sat down at the edge of the
tub. C.L. walked in, looking like a devil. "Where have you
been all morning?" "What do you mean?" I asked. I was
the one who should have been upset. "You told me to wait
for you, and I have been waiting till ten o'clock and you
didn't show up."
"You fucking liar!" he shrilled. "You've been whoring
around all night, that's all!" With that C.L. smacked me
backwards into the bathtub. My head was sore for days.
After that morning I had to be home on time whether he
showed up or not. If he was drunk and forgot about me, I
was supposed to take a cab home.
A few weeks later, l came home one morning to find us
all packed up and ready to leave. C.L. wanted to go to Las
Vegas; and that was that. I was heartbroken. I wouldn't
even be able to say goodbye to Miguel, couldn't quit my
job and pick up my pay. And I couldn't say anything about
it because C.L. didn't know I had a boyfriend, and was
299
always accusing me of whoring around. Job or no job, I
realized that I was not allowed to have friends of my own,
boy or girl. I cried all the way through the desert.
I was really fascinated by the deserts of Arizona and
their strange beauty - even though it was a bit barren.
There were cactus and beautiful mountains without trees.
Then I saw what seemed to be small caves built in the side
of cliffs. "What are those?" I asked. Morn explained to me
it was Indian dwellings. Here the Indians did not live in
tee es but in the cliffs, carving out dwellings for
themselves and making ladders to climb into them. We
stopped at an Indian reservation to look at the goods on
sale. They were famous for handmade turquoise jewelry.
Most of the Indians were Navajo, but there were some
Hopis also. I was more interested in their dwellings and
the paintings on the rocks than the jewelry for I knew that
these paintings told of their history - I wish I could read
and understand them.
I found a large rock that looked as if fires had been set
on top of it and climbed up to sit down. It seemed that out
of nowhere an old Indian man appeared. I shielded my face
from the sun to get a better look at him. Just then an eagle
flew over and screamed. How eerie 1thought,just like in a
strange movie. "Hello", I said timidly. I really did not know
if he understood English. He only nodded at me, and then
he sat beside me. I noticed that he wore suede clothing:
cr-4-J pants and a!£i!Lcloth hanging over from the waist, with a
.l.o'\\ beaut!ful beaded belt of blue-white and red. It see?1ed to
$< 9 oe spiders and the background was black beads. His head
6L
L band matched with
three feathers - white-blue. and black.
ifll t..
.
and white hanging by a leather thong down his back. His
hair was steel grey and almost to his waist parted in the
middle, his face very much lined with age and weather.
His eyes were kind and sparkling golden brown. He had a
300
slightly crooked nose. He smelled like leather, earth and
trees. He smiled at me showing large even white teeth.
"I feel great spirit all around you", he said. All I could
say was "thank you." - "You will do much work here, you
were sent by the greatfathers of man." He paused. "Your
path is difficult but make you strong!" I noticed he gestured
with his hands as he spoke, much like we do on Venus!
"You will guide many to understand the Great Spirit that
connects all people. It is a honor to be in your presence!
PrQPhecies foretold of your coming YQJl are the great white
hope of future." - "Me?" I gasped. "Don't question fate!
Accept that which is to be. Stay strong in spirit always. You
are blessed." Thus he stood up, I stood also. "It was so nice
to meet you. I am Sheila, I mean Omnec", I blurted out. He
took my small hand in his weathered hand. "I am known
by many names. One is ChiefNawa Laki." He laid in my
palm a ring made of silver, with a small red bloodstone
and a larger turquoise one- a symbol he said of the Hopi
Spider Clan.
I watched as he walked away. Wow, a real chief! One
thing was for sure, it was no dream for I had the gift, my
ring! I can't believe I told him my real name, I thought as
I headed back toward the tents where all the Indian
handcrafts were being sold. I told nobody about this and
put the ring in a safe place in my suitcase.
Before we had left, C.L. traded his car for an old 1949
Ford. I hated it; I felt ridiculous in this car because it was so
old and we sat so high in our seats. By the time we entered
Nevada we had practically overhauled it, and most of our
money was gone. Every few hours it broke down. We kept
fixing this and fixing that.
Because of C.L.'s liver sores, I ended up doing most of
the repairs. I took out and replaced the brake shoes, the gas
pump, the oil filter, and other things I've never heard of. I
301
was becoming quite a good mechanic.
In Arizona, not too far from Flagstaff, we cooked our
meal over an open fire at a rest stop. C.L., with hack-saw
in hand, was trying to fix something on the car.
All day he and Mom had been drinking and arguing, and
my nerves were shot, but when I saw C.L. beating her head
with this saw, I lost all control. I scrambled up the boulders
and hills screaming and crying that I wasn't coming down.
Not until they stopped fighting. I just couldn't stand it any
longer. C.L. and Mom, drunk as they were, begged and
pleaded with me to come down. They would never fight
again. Promise! I knew it would only be for the time being.
But I was happy to see Mom wasn't really hurt.
A few miles from Boulder Dam' the old Ford died. There
we sat, in the scorching desert heat, while C.L. walked to
the dam for help. He returned with water for the radiator,
but it was no use. After an unbearably long wait a good man
stopped his car to see what our trouble was. He pushed us
the rest of the way to the dam and across.
I loved Boulder Dam. It was so enormous, so amaz­ ing
and majestic. The huge, sheer rock wall to each side
fascinated me. And I relished the desert, the wide open
spaces, the quiet at night, the colorful desert plants. Most
of all I loved the ever-blue skies and dry heat of daytime.
I felt closer to my people here than anywhere else. This
was the beautiful state ofNevada I had first seen on coming
to the United States. Nearby, somewhere out there in the
wilderness, my uncle had landed our ship on that memo­
rable night almost nine years ago. With that realization all
of the beautiful memories of my real home came back to
me. "Thank you, Supreme Deity," I whispered. I sat there,
* The current official name of this major dam between Arizona and
Nevada is Hoover Dam.
302
watching for spaceships, hoping one of them would land.
1 wondered, with tears in my eyes, if my life ever would get
any better. I felt lonely and forsaken, confused and depressed.
+., <Qe
We coasted down the highway toward Boulder City.
Somewhere on the road our car conked out. C.L. was try­
ing to decide what our next move would be. He was busy
blaming everything on Mom, including our car breaking
down. His logic was beyond me. I was just a big knot of
nerves. Everything was always someone else's fault. And
if I didn't agree I was guilty, then he would smack me until
I did.
As the sun began sinking to the horizon our thoughts
turned to worries. Where would we spend the night? What
would we eat for breakfast in the morning? And for dinner?
Just then a pickup truck slowed down and pulled over.
"Need some help?" A huge fellow with a cheery expres­
sion stepped down George Fishman was his name. For
hours he and C.L. worked on that car without break until
they both knew it was no use. But by then C.L. had made
it very clear how desperate we were, and George invited
us to his home for dinner.
The Fishmans lived on the outskirts of Boulder City.
From their backyard we could see Lake Mead, with its
impressive peaks jutting out in the middle. C.L. felt right
at home with them. George's father and C.L. struck up an
immediate friendship, with C.L. doing most of the talking.
I could tell that his con talk was in high gear. I felt very
uneasy.
C.L.'s scheme was to start a chain link fence business,
which very few people were involved in. It was actually a
very good business idea here in Nevada.
We lived with the Fishmans for several weeks, during
which time the old man spent 6000 $ putting C.L. in busi303
ness. That included a brand new four-wheel-drive pickup
truck. I liked George's father very much; the whole fam­
ily was so warm and kind. I dreaded the thought of C.L.
someday running off with the goods, but there was little I
could do.
I was amazed and delighted to see Mom and C.L. so
peaceful together, so happy. But it didn't take me long to
realize it was only a front for the Fishmans, as far as C.L.
was concerned. And instead of getting better, or even stay­
ing the same, times got worse.
C.L. was doing very well in the fence business. For a
while he was also doing welding, because it was a quick
way to make money, and C.L. loved money. The trouble
was that he was having a hard time with his liver. Raw,
open sores appeared on his hands. I wasn't surprised to see
it happen - every day he and Mom drove fifteen miles to
buy liquor because Boulder City was a dry town.
C.L. was a devil when he was well, but he was twice as
mean when he was sick. He never ran out of trivialities to
yell about. Mom and I were more like servants than family.
I didn't have friends because I never got out of his sight,
except when I was working. When I went to the store 1
was timid, and if I wasn't back in five minutes, not matter
how busy the store was, I was spanked. That's the way it
was - I was constantly ten-ified.
When Mom and I heard of two openings for nurses aides
at Boulder City Hospital, and the good pay, our waitress­
ing jobs fell by the wayside. Even though we had to give
bed baths and enemas, and change the bed pans, we loved
our new jobs. What counted most was that we were away
from C.L. all day. Our day began by going into the rooms
to record pulses, blood pressures, and temperatures. We
served meals, and made the beds, and did whatever the
nurses asked us to do.
r
304
I will never forget the day one of the nurses cornered me
and told me to do an enema. We had all been trained how
to do an enema, but this was my first time. She pointed to
a door. Bravely as I could, I entered the room, shaking.
Then I saw her, and nearly dropped dead with fright! She
must have weighed 500 pounds! Oooh dear. Never in my
life did I see such a fat lady, and here I was the one to give
her an enema. I was afraid because at 15 years I weighed
89 pounds, and since I was so skinny, most heavy people
seemed to dislike me. I understood that either they had
gland problems or were naturally big just as I was small. I
always felt sorry for the ones with health problems.
She was lying with her back to me in an open gown, so
I marched up and acted as ifl did this every day. I pushed
the tube between her fleshy buttocks. The tube went in, and
in, and in. I kept pushing but nothing happened. "What the
hell is going on?" I wondered. "This stuff isn't emptying
out like it should". The pressure inside the body was sup­
posed to do the work. I decided to take a peak and spread
the fold apart. Oh, no! My stomach seemed to turn inside
out. The tube had gone round and round inside a wrinkle.
By the time I did it right, I was so upset and emban-assed
that I spilled the stuff all over the lady's back and myself.
The lady was nice about it - she roared with laughter, but
I ran out. From then on I hid in the broom closet whenever
it was time for enemas.
Next I learned how to give a prep. I had never seen it
done before, so fortunately a nurse was going to show me
how. At the last moment she was called out. My patient
was an old lady who was about to have a hysterectomy. I
made my approach with the razor and bowl of water which
the nurse had handed me. "But how am I going to do this
without soap?" I wondered. Into the bathroom I went to
lather up, came back and went to work. Somehow it wasn't
305
working out. The old woman started bouncing on the bed,
calling for help, and trying to reach the buzzer. This was
disturbing; I never experienced such behavior in my whole
life. A nurse came running in and shooed me out. The poor
woman was going into hysterics.
"What on Earth were you doing?" the nurse asked when
she came out of the room. "I was rubbing soap on her with
my hands. You can't shave someone without soap", I
answered. She broke out laughing. "Sheila, don't you
know you don't put soap on them? You can't rub people
like that down there! She thought you were queer." "Well,
what does that mean?" I really did not know what queer
meant. After she had explained, I was so embarrassed that
I never went into that room again. And the lady gave strict
orders for me to stay out.
The next escapade got us both into trouble - Mom and
J. In fact, we were close to being out of a job. She and I
were arguing about who was going to kill the spider on the
wall; we were deadly afraid of spiders. Mother finally gave
in, got up on a chair, and threw her shoe. Not only did she
almost break her neck trying to get away, but her shoe
landed on the patient's broken leg. Our faces turned red,
he screamed bloody murder, and the spider got away!
Every time we went into that room again, not only did we
get mean looks from the old man, but we were afraid that
p_
the spider might still be there waylaying us. l.
nit t;[
C.L.'s bad temper was still haunting us, but he was not ·'
1h
drinking as much because he was putting on a show for
the lawyers. C.L. had had a hernia for a long time but only
recently saw a chance to have the operation paid for by
insurance. The site at which he was welding had an
electrical short, and the lights would go out every time a
truck passed. C.L. pretended to trip and fall once when the
lights were out.
306
Up to this time C.L. had been quieter than usual. C.L.
and Mom got drunk less often, which was still pretty bad.
Again and again when she was drunk, she hammered away
at me about sleeping with C.L. And C.L. hammered away
at me about actually doing it. I cried. C.L. started making
passys, and I hated it, but there was nothing I could do
except try to ignore him. I surely could not say anything
to Mom. She was the one who was accusing me in the first
place. When I was not crying about something that C.L.
was doing, I cried about something C.L. had done. In fact,
I cried all the time, about so many, many things. But the
worst was still to come.
Every morning I had to bring C.L. his coffee and news­
paper in bed because he was sick, he claimed. On this
particular day, the one I will never be able to forget, I
delivered his paper and coffee and went back to bed as
usual. My bedroom was just across the hall.
"Sheila!" he called.
"What do you want?"
"Come in here!" he yelled.
"I already gave you your coffee and paper and I want to
go to sleep", I called back.
"Get in here, damn it!" his voice roared. A moment
passed. "If you don't get in here I'll drag you by your hair!"
My fear was mounting. Donna was out working at the
hospital. C.L. was the kind of man who would pull me by
my hair. Istepped inside his door to see C.L. glaring at me.
"Now what did I do wrong?" I thought.
"Get in this bed with me", he said vehemently.
"No!"
"God damn it, get in here!" he shrilled.
"I won't, C.L., I won't!" I cried.
For a moment I was too stunned to move.
307
I never expected to see such a sick man jump up so fast
to grab me. Face to face with the brute I did not have a
chance to do much struggling and kicking. My resisting
only made C.L. more furious. He tore my pajamas with one
hand and slammed his fist into my head so fiercely that I
thought he would kill me.
I lay there limply while C.L. went through the motions.
He hurt me, hurt me badly, as I cried and cried and could
not stop. All of my emotions, of horror and shame and fear,
seemed to flow out at once. I closed my eyes, squeezed
them shut, hoping it all was just a nightmare.
C.L. didn't say a word, just got up and went to the bath­
room. I ran to my room and buried my head in the pillow,
sobbing. He did not care how I felt, that he had so hurt me
and used me. In my spasms of crying, all my feelings of
how I loathed this man came out. Then I heard C.L.'s voice:
"If you tell your mother, I'll say that you let me do it,
that you led me on. She'll hate you for it. You know she'll
never believe you".
For hours I cried, until my eyes ran dry and l fell asleep
exhausted. I wanted so badly to tell Mom when she came
home, yet I was terrified of what she would say if I told
her. And what ifC.L. himself told her- she would believe him.
T shuddered. Two years was a long time for someone to
continue accusing me of sleeping with C.L.
There was no one to turn to or talk to. I realized that
people would believe it was all my fault, as they do to this
day when I recall the story to them. The reason I had for not
telling anyone was fear of being rejected and badly judged.
In the days that followed, C.L. began to offer me drinks. I
accepted them eagerly, one after another as a way of escape,
to forget and blank out what was happening. "Let's go out
to the desert", he would suggest practically every day, and
I knew what he had in mind. But most of the time I was too
308
drunk to remember anything. At nights I cried. I was going
through so much pain and I just could not tell my mother.
I appealed to my people."Why don't you help me? Don't
let me suffer any more." They answered - I had no choice
but to go through with this. For a long time I could not
understand them. I felt they were being cruel to me, had
forsaken me. I watched their ships in the nighttime sky,
and listened to their messages: I must have strength and
realize that I have to pay for what I had done in the past.
C.L. was a sick man, in tunnoil too, and I should feel sorry
for him. As Soul he knew he was doing wrong, but stood
by helplessly while his mind and body were possessed and
out of control.
I noticed when he was violent his eyes, usually grey,
became a yellowish green. However he would beg me to
read to him from the bible and it would calm him. Some­
times he would cry and say he did not know why he was
so aggressive or speak guiltily of things he had done that
hurt others.
Afterwards, T was reminded of a story C.L.'s mother
had told me. During the depression, when C.L. was about
three years old, they were living in an old train boxcar, not
having a lot of money. One night, there was a terrible
thunderstorm and much lightning. The lights went out for
only a moment or two, when C.L. who was sleeping in his
bed let out a horrible scream which terrified her and she
ran in to see about him. He was not crying but only seemed
frightened by the storm. But after that he changed from the
sweet little boy into a very demanding and even cruel
person at times. She immediately noticed the change
because he always insisted on constantly wearing a hat after
that peculiar night and no longer wanted to be called by his
birth name Clarence Lee, but C.L. The unearthly sound he
had made always haunted her and she was convinced that
309
he was possessed by a strange energy _ever since that n ght.
Perhaps this was an explanation of his strange behav10r._
CL was possessed! Now I understood. Not once did
CL. le me out of his sight. No longer did he allo me to go
t the store alone. I do not remember how any times c_.L.
raped me. I did not care hether I lived or died; everything
in life had lost its meaning.
.h CL was not home, we would sit together at the en
W • •
h' th the
table wishing something would happen to im, a
would never come home. Our plan as tha as soo as
C.L. was admitted to the hospital for his hernia operation,
we would make our escape.
Chapter 4
A light at the end of the tunnel
f1t was about eight o'clock one night when I came home.
Immediately as I stepped into the living room, I knew
they had been fighting again. Mom was sitting on a sofa,
dazed. Her robe was torn. "What's the matter?" I asked
her. She just looked at me without answering. Moments
later I heard a knock and opened the front door. It was the
man from the liquor store, with a fifth of vodka. I could
not believe my eyes!
Whispering, because C.L. was in the bedroom, I said,
"You know, really, this is the wrong time for you to bring
this stuff. If you knew the situation here you wouldn't bring
it at all!"
"Why, what's the matter?" He stepped through the door­
way.
"They just had a big fight", I explained. "See, you don't
understand. They don't just drink socially. They drink every
day." He came in and sat down near the door. "Well, if
I would have known, I really wouldn't have come. I'm
really sorry," he said sincerely. I sat down on the couch and
whispered to the man that I had just gotten home myself
and didn't know what was going on.
Just then C.L. came roaring out of the bedroom, stag­
gering all over the place. "Yeah? You think I can't hear
everything, huh. I'll teach you to whore around on me, both
of you, cut your damn throats, that's what I'll do." Before
any ofus moved, C.L. was at the kitchen sink grabbing a
0
311
310
long thin, ugly knife. He staggered toward my mother; in
an instant I blocked his way."C.L., please leave her alone,"
I pleaded. He stared at me with burning hate in his eyes.
"I'll cut your throat as quick as hers!" I shoved Donna into
the bedroom, closing the door. C.L. stood there, amazed
that I had the guts to defy him. "All right, you little bitch,
I'll cut your throat too."
The liquor store man stood by flabbergasted, his mouth
hanging open. Finally he decided to come over and help
me. "No, please!" I cried. "Just tum off the lights. If you
get involved it's worse than just a family quarrel."
I stood eye to eye with C.L. I knew that drunk as be was,
he would not hesitate to kill me. "God, help me," I said as
I lunged forward head first into his stomach. I grabbed for
his wrists and shoved him backward, trying to wrestle the
knife away. Blood started splashing all over the place. My
panic gave me the strength to back C.L. against the wall
and bang his wrist until the knife fell. With one last push,
C.L. fell sideways against the door and into the bedroom.
He crawled into bed mumbling.
I leaned against the wall, exhausted. Trembling and
shaking I picked up the knife and looked into the bed­
room. "Go ahead," C.L. drawled out, "cut my throat if you
want to." "I'm not like you, C.L.," I said. "I've got more
sense. I'm not trying to get even. I'm not violent 'cause
I realize the consequences." C.L. was probably too drunk
to understand me.
In the living room I poured a big glass of vodka. Maybe
I wasn't going to kill him, but I sure enough would knock
him out.
The liquor store man walked toward me. "Hey, I think
you're hurt. There's blood all over you." "No, I think I'm
all right," I said. "Maybe it was him that got hurt." Just then
I heard C.L. again, choking Mom in the bedroom. "God, he
312
just can't stop." He drank the vodka in one go and crashed
back on the bed. Seconds later he had dozed off.
Weak and limp, I sat down again in the living room.
"Look, you are hurt," the man said, pointing to a bloody
slice in my side.
Coming h_ome from the hospital that night with three
stitches in my side, I entered my bedroom utterly defeated.
Donna and C.L. were sound asleep. This was the bitter end
- I could not take another day. I tried to be good, and I
tried to be obedient, but every time I came home they
would be at it again. By this time C.L. was taking to knives
and broken beer bottles. When was it all going to end, I
wondered? Tonight, perhaps?
I was so confused, so upset, and so hurt about the past
months that I cried myself to sleep once again. Only this
time my stomach was full of sleeping pills andadririK.T
knew it was wrong, and as I got drowsy I begged forgive­
ness of God and of my people. I knew that suicide is not a
solution but at that moment I couldn't see any other way
out. Slowly I dozed off.
Waking the next morning was most perplexing; I was
sure I would die. "Oh, thank goodness," I thought, "I must
remember my mission and never be foolish again."
All of us had slept very late into the day. C.L. did not
remember the previous night and I did not bother to tell
him. Neither did I say anything to Mom because I wanted to
save her from more suffering. Any day now she and I would
be running away for good. No doubt about it, the man was
deteriorating mentally, and we could not bear another day
with him. Mom and I were so depressed by now that we
hoped either he would die, or we would.
I felt as miserable and confused as ever. Knowing how
peaceful and wonderful my life on Venus had been, made
a rotten life here even worse. And yet I could understand
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that all of this was my choice. This was the kind of life
Kanjuri and Vonic and Odin had been preparing me for. I
know that my life on Venus helped me to survive without
getting emotionally disturbed any more than I was. At least
my attitude toward men had not become negative. I knew
very well that most men were not like C.L.
During my dreams, sometimes when I was not so emo­
tionally caught up in the events of the day, I visited with
Arena and Odin. From them I received much encourage­
ment. My life would get better, they said, and although it
would perhaps take many years, I would find our spiritual
teaching. Good will come from all the bad experiences,
they assured me. In the future I will understand. Many
many Earth people have suffered as I have, and because
of this suffering, many people will be able to relate to me
as a person instead of an alien.
In the afternoon, the hospital accepted C.L. for the hernia
operation! The chance to escape C.L. was now upon us. We
helped pack his things and escorted him there, and oh boy
were we happy! But first we went to visit him, and feeling
sorry that he was in so much pain, we took along a box of
chocolates. C.L. was his usual self. He tried to choke my
mother right there in the hospital.
That gave her the momentum to go ahead and write the
list. It was a note to the doctor suggesting what he was to
be checked for; C.L. approved it. Outside his room we
added, "Check for mental disorders."
So it seemed when the doctor called us that he would not
be able to keep C.L. for the hernia operation because he did
not have enough insurance to cover the surgery. "Should we
transfer him to the County Hospital?" he asked. He knew
very well that C.L. absolutely refused to ever be admitted
to a county hospital. Instantly the light went on in Mom's
mind - she had the perfect solution. The doctor must con314
vince C.L. that they were transferring him to a hospital with
advanced techniques for his surgery, not letting him know
that it was the county hospital which was for poor people
with little or no money. Moments later the doctor was on
the line again. All we needed to do was arrange with him
and the ambulance drivers to keep the truth from C.L. He
agreed. Later in the day Donna's nurse friend at the hospital
called us. C.L. was safely in the ambulance, and our chance
to get away was truly here.
For a short while, we lived with friends in a trailer park.
Mom was so happy to be away from C.L. that she stopped
drinking. I had never seen her so content as then. I was
enjoying myself too. What a change to be able to forget
my troubles and play with the kids. But I knew deep inside
that C.L. would be after us. It would not be long before
suspicious C.L. realized what had happened. Donna had
made plans to leave Boulder City soon, but soon was not
soon enough.
We were surely taken by surprise when Maria, one of
Mom's fellow workers at the hospital, came running to our
trailer one night. "Donna! C.L. is out!" she said between
breaths. Horrified, we listened. "He went and completely
tore apart the house you used to live in, jerked down the
curtains, slit open the mattresses with knives, went com­
pletely crazy", she said. "The landlady called the police,
but by the time they got there he was over at my house,
said I knew where you were. He's got dynamite in the
trunk - everything you could think of, shotguns, knives,
and dynamite. He's looking for you and he's going to kill
you and Sheila for putting him in the county hospital and
running off. He said nobody can get away from him! You
know, you don't have a chance. You've got to call the
police, you've got to get out of here!"
Shaking with fear we called the Boulder City police and
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explained our situation. Maria witnessed to them that hedid
have dangerous materials and was apt to use them because
he was crazy. After checking with the county hospital they
immediately put out an alert on C.L. and came to pick us
up. Three Boulder City squad cars arrived at the trailer park.
Donna and I all got into the middle car. "Stay down on the
floorboards. This man is dangerous", the officer instructed.
"He's liable to throw dynamite or anything at the car ifhe
sees you in it. So please stay down!"
Mom and I sat in the car with the officers, waiting in the
parking lot behind the Boulder City Police Department.
"We know he's dangerous, Mrs. Renald", one of the men
said. "We checked his record 'cause we thought he really
acted strange around this town, the way he never let your
daughter out of his sight, and just in general the impres­
sion he made. We checked on him in all the states and the
reports started coming through, till we had a whole list of
things. But we can't hold him except for a crime he com­
mitted in Nevada."
By the time they came out to get us, the sun was start­
ing to come up. "OK, you can get off now. We've got him
in jail, Mrs. Renald. We finally caught him". What a relief.
"How did you ever get him?" Mom asked. "Some service
station attendant made a mistake, thought he was an
escaped mental patient we were looking for", the officer
explained. "He called us and we picked him up that way.
We're holding him for carrying explosives", said the officer
as we entered the station. The jails were downstairs.
Mom and I could hear him below. We just looked at each
other, terror in our eyes. "Don't be afraid. He can't get out.
He's raging right now and is really upset. But we have to
have something to hold him on here, otherwise we'll have
to let him go in twenty-four hours. We can't hold him any
longer for possessing dangerous weapons. We've got a long
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list of things he supposedly did, hijacking, fraud, selling
liquor without a license, even worse than that. But you have
to have something on him in Nevada unless the authorities
from other states come and get him. So you have to report
any kind of crime he's done". I spoke up. "Well, we can
report the fact that he tried to use a knife on my mother,
and he did stab me". I showed them my scar. Mom was
surprised! After we had done all the paperwork, they took
our fingerprints and we were ready to leave. Just then the
Chief of Police took me into a private office, alone. "Excuse
us a moment, please", he said to Mom.
"Um, would you tell me, Sheila, ifC.L. ever raped you?"
he asked. "No, he hasn't!" I blurted out automatically.
"Look, Sheila, you don't have to be afraid to tell me the
truth, because he's not going to hurt you. Statutory rape is
a big crime in Nevada. But we can't hold him long even
on the family thing with the knife. We can only hold him
on assault and battery, but ifhe gets out it's really going to
be tough on us and you too. You have to tell me the truth
while there is time".
I kept silent. My thoughts run wild. What should I do?
"Look, Sheila, I'm not a dumbbell. Boulder City is a very
small town. I've noticed that he never let you have any
friends, never even let you out of his sight. I've never seen
you by yourself. And the way you go to the store and rush
back to your house, something is really fishy. No grown
man acts that way normally about his daughter. So we
know something is wrong, but we can't do anything until
we have a written statement from you".
"Yes, it's true", I broke out crying. Terribly embarrassed
and upset, I told the Chief about that first day, and that I
didn't know how many times he had done it since then,
because I didn't want to know!
"But why didn't you tell your mother?" he asked. After
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I explained the whole story about Pap and Mom and C.L.,
the Chief stepped out of the room for a few minutes. Then
he called me out. Mom was crying. "Sheila, how come
you never told me. Why didn't you tell me what C.L. did
to you?"
"Mommy, I was afraid to", I said, choking over my
words. "I wasn't sure you'd believe me. I was afraid C.L.
would tell you I did it and then you would hate me, and I
didn't want you to hate me. He said you'd believe I led him
on". Both ofus cried and clung to each other. "Sheila", she
sobbed, "I'll never hate you, Sheila. If there's anybody I
hate, it's him. Ifl would have known what he did, I would
have taken a pistol and blown his brains out. I can't blame
you 'cause it's true - I've been accusing you of it in my
jealous mind. But I wish you would have told me. It would
have made things easier. I do love you more than my life,
Sheila".
We looked at each other. Mom was terribly upset and
haggard, blamed herself for everything. At last she knew
why I suddenly had started drinking alcohol.
The police took me immediately to the hospital where
the doctor checked my story. How humiliating it was to
go in at this age, among all the people I was once worked
with. I was definitely not a virgin any longer, the doctor
told my mother, and it was not long ago that it had hap­
pened.
At the police station the Chief took us into his office.
"I hate to tell you Sheila, I hate to embarrass you, but you
have to write word for word in your own handwriting what
he did, for the report. Otherwise it's not valid."
Painfully I wrote word for word what C.L. had done that
morning, how he held me down after beating me and
tearing my pajama, how he kept asking, "Don't you like it?"
while I just lay there with tears streaming from my eyes.
318
"Well, this is enough to hold him", the Chief said. "We'll
have to get you a lawyer and everything, but that will be in
Las Vegas 'cause this is a state thing". The officer paused.
"Sheila, even though it was painful for you, we have to
hold this man because he is a danger to society, not just to
you and your mother, but toeverybody else. He's probably
done this many times and gotten away with it".
The Boulder City Chief of Police came along with me
the day I was to see the lawyer in Las Vegas, one of the
state's attorneys. He went in to speak with the man while I
took my first lie detector's test. It took a long time for me
to relax in order for the device to deliver relevant results.
Until I was relaxed enough, everything was a lie. Then the
drill began. "Are you sure you haven't made love to any
other boy? Are you sure of this, are you sure of that?" It
was horrible.
In legal terms my case was one of statutory rape, State
of Nevada versus C.L. Renald. This was the reason for see­
ing a state's attorney. He seemed to be a very nice man, as
sympathetic as he could be. "Now Sheila", he began, "we
have had a lot of these cases before. You have to be really
sincere. You don't want to lie about a person. I'm not saying
that you are, because I really believe you. But we have a
lot of scrupulous people, the people who will be the jury,
the judge - all these people don't know you. They don't
know your situation. A lot of men have been trapped this
way, so they're not necessarily going to be sympathetic.
They're going to have to be detached from the whole thing.
You're going to have to try to win them over".
One of the attorneys from the office of the state's attor­
ney should handle my case. It would be some time, said
my lawyer, before the whole mess would be cleared up.
Until then I would have to be in school, because it was
against the law for a girl ofmy age not to be enrolled. My
319
stomach turned. Their reasoning was very simple. The state
could not provide a lawyer if I myself was breaking the
law. Nevertheless, I cringed at the thought having to go
back at school.
I knew I was in school only for a short time and I surely
could not bring myself to studying seriously. My teachers
were amazed nevertheless to see how quickly I caught up
with the rest of the class. In mathematics I was at the head
of the class. But I felt out of place.
Some weeks later our first hearing took place in Boulder
City. I testified that C.L. had attacked both my mother and
myself, threatening to kill me with a knife. I showed them
my scar and the hospital papers. The liquor store man
verified my story.
C.L. flew into a rage, calling me a damn liar, while at the
same time his counsel tried to quiet him down. The judge
reprimanded C.L. for talking out of turn, said he could get
into trouble for that, too. C.L. looked terribly pale and sick.
Being an outdoor type of person, locking him up could
almost kill him, especially since he already had such a bad
liver from drinking all his life.
"Don't feel sorry for him", one of the police officers
said. "That's the worst thing you could do because then
you get yourself into trouble. He's a human being, but he
is also a criminal, and the fact is that he is dangerous to
more people than you. So, for heaven's sake, don't talk
about feeling sorry for him".
Walking to sc.hool one morning with a bunch of kids, a
car drove up alongside and stopped. Two shotguns pointed
out the window toward my head. The thugs said to me that
C.L. may be in jail and could not do anything, but his
friends weren't in jail. And they would kill me ifl testified
in court. I was utterly horrified. I took off running, afraid
these guys would shoot me in the back. The other kid
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just stood there with their mouths open as the car squealed
away.
"What was that all about", they asked. "It was just a
joke!" I said shakily, trying to force a smile.
I called my lawyer that day and told him what happened,
that I was afraid I was being watched. I refused to go to
school another day. "You'll have to keep going to school,
Sheila, but we'll have detectives escort you", he assured
me. That's how I went to and from school every day, until
school let out in June.
What else could I think when Mom didn't come home
one night, except that these guys had caught up with her?
She finally returned in the morning,just in ecstasy, smiling
and cheery. I was crying and carrying on, telling how much
I had worried she was dead.
"Oh, honey, I'm sorry... I really didn't mean to worry
you", she said, hugging me. "You know, Mommy wouldn't
have worried you for anything in the world, but I met some­
one I really like. We're going to get married, and we're
going to Chicago".
"But T can't go to Chicago. I have to go to court".
"Well, that's all right. I can leave you here if you want to
stay, with the Fishmans", Mom offered. And that was that.
During all these times I often used the memory of my
wonderful Aunt Arena, Uncle Odin, and all my lovely
friends as a cushion to fall back on. Whenever I could
close my eyes and see my beautiful home and feel their love
and caring, I knew all my suffering would be worthwhile
if I could share these memories with Earth's people. Each
night I thanked the Supreme Deity for the strength to go on.
321
Chapter 5
Chicago
hortly afterwards I met the new guy in Mom's life:
cJPedro. He lived at a nearby trailer park. It was only a
short walking distance away. On our way there, she told me
all about him. Pedro and Donna had met in a bar and fell
in love on first sight. Pedro was crazy about her, wanted to
take her out to dinner, but they ended up going shopping
for mushrooms and steaks and wine. Then he took Mom
to his trailer and fixed a fabulous steak dinner. This was
when she stayed away all night.
Pedro turned out to be a really sweet little man, and very
handsome. A slim frame and dark features showed his
Spanish heritage. He had brown eyes and the typical long,
graceful Spanish nose and a dark thick mustache, also black
curly hair. Compared to C.L.'s lumbering hulk he was a small
man. The important thing was that he loved Mom and
seemed to be kind and considerate. I could tell he had a lot
of pride and inherited ideas.
He was from a rich family in Chihuahua, Mexico. His
first wife bore him five children and I suppose he ran
around on her, for she threw him out one day. He went to
the States, working as a busboy and dishwasher, and then
waiter. He saved his money for Barber college. Now that
he had become a Master Barber and stylist ofrazor cutting,
he worked at the Las Vegas airport. But his dream was to
go to Chicago to open his own shop. Mom was excited and
for her I was happy. They had married in Las Vegas less
322
than a month after they had met. They stayed in his trailer
until they left for Illinois. And I stayed with the Fishmans.
In the meantime there had been another court date, where
the rape charges against C.L. were made. C.L. stood in
front of the judge and denied everything. I noticed he had
lost a lot of weight. They told me he had refused to eat
until a doctor put him on a special diet; and drying up from
alcohol was not easy.
Wben school started in September, I was driven every
day by the Fishman's teenage son Henry. He and I were
enrolled in the same high school. For a while our romance
blossomed, but more or less it was he who had a crush on
me, although I did like him very much as a friend. We spent
a great deal of time together. More and more I enjoyed
having relationships with people my own age.
The girls in our high school sewing class were treated to
a tea party by McCall's, the well-known fashion magazine.
Although they were interested in our dress patterns, they
seemed to be more intrigued with me than with the patterns
r had created. McCall's offered me, to my utter surprise,
a career in modeling and a three-year contract, both of
which I accepted after gaining permission from the State's
attorney's office. My lawyer agreed that I would not need to
finish school because McCall's offered such basic courses
as math, history and English to me and other young models.
One of the ways McCall's checked to see whether I was
mentally and physically healthy for modeling was to send
me to a psychiatrist. When he asked me about myself, I
decided to try out the truth on him. After listening very
patiently and silently, the man came to a conclusion which
he did not hesitate to tell me. This story of my life on Venus
was a product of my imaginationz..resulting from a very
unhappy childhood that I could not adjust to. I had created
my own world in which to seek comfort.
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I replied that I was not offended by his conclusion,
because the key to all material things, to all the wonders
of man's world, is the imagination. I went on to explain that
everything man-made first exists in someone's imagination
before it is created in the physical world.
The psychiatrist just looked at me, didn't know what to
think, didn't know what to say. He could not argue with
that and seemed very upset. McCall's received a very good
report from him, without mention of Venus because this
was a confidential matter. The psychiatrist stated that I was
a well-balanced young lady able to accept and handle prob­
lems, and that I did not have any deep emotional problems.
The remainder of my stay in Nevada was a time of seeing
many new places, for with the photographers and equip­
ment crew we traveled to scenic parts of California, Ari­
zona, and Nevada. Instead of going to school every day, I
worked one or two days each week and was paid very well.
My career with McCall's ended shortly after I and three
other girls appeared on the cover. The State attorney's office
requested that the contract be voided because my being out
of town so often conflicted with appearing in court.
One day a policeman walked up, stem-faced as he could
be."Are you Sheila Gibson, Hodgson, Renald, MacLellan?"
"Yes", I said.
"Boy, you sure do have a lot of aliases for a young girl
your age!" He laughed. That was impressive, he told me.
Then he presented the subpoena. I understood from all the
legal-sounding jargon that it was very important for me
to show up at C.L.'s trial. My lawyer gave me the same
advice; hold on to that subpoena and don't let anything
happen to it. Our court dates would be starting pretty soon.
Just then I received a letter from Donna, saying that
she was terribly ill and needed my help. Would I come to
Chicago for a few weeks before my court date? I asked my
324
lawyer if this was O.K. with him. Yes, he said, but I was
to stop by and see him before I left.
My lawyer presented his card to me."We'll pay your fare
back, so if anything happens that you can't come back, be
sure to call me. You can fly back ... you have to get here in
time because C.L. has been in jail for a long time now and
all the court dates are set up. Then we can put him away
for awhile".
I thanked him and said goodbye. Once more I entered a
bl!s to go across the country to a new state.
Looking out the bus window, the first I saw of Chicago
was the cold, the gray, the ugly. "How horrible this place
is!" I thought, "compared to the sunny desert and open
space." I have changed my mind since then. Today I think
Chicago is one of the country's most beautiful cities.
Stepping from the bus at the huge, monstrous-looking
bus station, I was completely lost. "Where in the hell are
they?" I wondered. "Where am I supposed to be going?
Who am I supposed to call?" And I was worried about
Mom, too. l went upstairs and saw a waiting area, so I
decided that the best move was to sit down and wait.
Droves of people buzzed all over the place. "Sheila!" I
heard my name being called.
Mom and Pedro were almost upon me before l saw them.
"Hi, Mommy, how are you?"
"Much better, Hon'", she replied. My mother looked
unusually healthy. "We thought this girl in a cowboy suit
was you and we took after her."
l didn't know whether to be happy or sad. l felt she had
never been sick, and her letter was only a trick to lure me
away from Nevada.
Right after we got home Mom wanted to see my sub­
poena. Hesitantly I handed it to her. I froze, just stared as
she tore it up right before my eyes.
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"What are you doing?!" I cried in horror and surprise.
"I'm not going to let you appear against C.L."
"But why?"
"Because I'm afraid he'll kill you!" Donna said intensely.
I stood there dumbfounded. "I'm not afraid to appear in
court against him".
It was no use to argue. "You're not afraid but I am", my
mother said. "I'm afraid for you because I know C.L. After
living with him for ten years I know him better than you".
Pedro agreed with her that I should not go back to Nevada,
and for the moment I let the matter drop. In my mind I was
determined to call my lawyer as soon as I was alone, but it
turned out that I could not find his card in my purse the next
day. Mom and Pedro must have sneaked it out.
I resigned myself to writing the Fishmans for the rest
of my clothes, and realized that I would probably never
see them again. My life in Chicago was beginning on a
sour note.
Our one-room furnished apartment did not look much
better than the building it was in, rickety and broken-down.
It was really nothing but a sleeping room. I learned that
Mom and Pedro always went out to the little Mexican res­
taurant next door. Mom made an effort to explain that life
would be uncomfortable for a while; but soon we would be
moving to a better place. She and Pedro were still saving
their money for a barbershop, while Pedro went to barber
school to be licensed here in Illinois. In the meantime he
worked as a stylist or Master Barber.
I did not care much for Pedro; something about him
bothered me, but I did not know what it was. I had to admit,
though, that he was always friendly and generous and that
living with him was obviously good for my mother.
What bothered me most of alI about our new apartment
was that we all had to sleep together in the same bed; I slept
326
against the wall, as close to it as I could. Along the wall ran
an exposed water pipe with a faucet, which I accidentally
turned on one night while turning over. Water was gushing
across the bed, soaking all ofus before anyone could figure
out what was happening. I must say that there is nothing
quite like a shower in bed, in the middle of a winter night...
There were times when I would wake up in the dark of
night with the haunting feeling that someone was touch­
ing me. But when I woke up fully, Donna and Pedro were
sleeping peacefully. "Maybe it's just my imagination", I
thought. "Maybe I'm just dreaming." I did not pay much
<!Uention to it because I trusted Pedro at the time, and I just
assumed that my sleeping with all these people affected
my dreams.
We had not lived at the apartment for much more than
a week after I arrived, when Pedro took us to sec the new
barbershop. It was located in the middle of a busy Jewish
district. The shop was such a mess that we spent several
days cleaning and mopping and painting. Pedro ordered
new barber chairs and replaced the tile floor.
I learned to my dismay that in order to save money we
would be living in the back room, which was once a beauty
shop. After spending a day or two fixing it up, our new
home was ready. Mom and Pedro had their own bed, thank
heaven, and I was to sleep on the couch out in the hall
leading to the shop. A two-burner hot plate served as our
kitchen. For bathing we used a foot tub which was filled
by connecting a hose to the faucet of a small sink. The
bathroom was near the back entrance.
Before long, business was going very well. Pedro was
an excellent barber and became well known for his good
work. People liked him. Being a very generous person,
Pedro let us go shopping, took us out to dinner and the
movies. Almost anything seemed better than our life with
327
C.L. Every once in a while Pedro and Mom drank, but there
wasn't any fighting. So I really didn't have much reason to
be worried.
At first, Pedro did not allow me to have any boyfriends,
but Mom raised such a fuss over this that he gave in. My
social life continued full speed ahead, and I soon had lots
of boyfriends. I was very young and not serious about any­
thing or anyone at the time. I wanted to be free more than
anything else.
I found myself a waitressing job. I enjoyed this work
and I did not consider it a lowly position. At the same time
I started to do freelance-modelingin Chicago. My first job
was for White Rain Shampoo, while they made cardboard
posters of me to set up in the stores. The best-paying job
was a sweatshirt ad for Playboy; it brought me about$ 300
each month for a year. A Levi's commercial for television
also paid well. Sometimes I worked two to three times a
week and then there were times when I worked only a
'
couple of times per month.
I had often wondered what happened to C.L. and wished
that I could have testified in court. We did know that C.L.
had been released. A letter from him arrived from Tennes­
see; he had given it to Grandma who in tum sent it to us.
His words told us how sick he was: "Sheila, baby, I don't
know how you could say all those things about me..." It
seemed that he had trouble accepting what he had done. I
never saw him or heard of him again after that letter.
After a while, Mom and Pedro started drinking and fight­
ing more. The fighting was not so bad, but I saw that Pedro
was getting into the habit of beating my mother. He got
meaner and meaner, accusing me of being a queer when J
went out with girlfriends, and making nasty remarks when
I dated men.
Pedro began to take full advantage of the times that Mom
328
was drunk or half-drunk. J had to fight him all over the
place, kicking and screaming, while he persisted in trying
to rape me. Just about every time, I ended up locking myself
in the bathroom until Pedro had gone to sleep.
Pedro took me out to dinner once when Mom was sick in
bed with ulcers. On our way home he tried every possible
scheme to convince me to go into a hotel with him, short of
bodily dragging me there. Disgusted and feeling a strange
sick sensation in the pit of my stomach, I later told Mom
about what had happened.
I realized that the time had come for me to move out on
my own. "I want to move out before any trouble starts", I
said to Mom, "because I don't want to go through the same
thing as with C.L."
Mom disagreed. "But you're too young. You can't move
out on your own" "Well, I'll be sixteen pretty soon and I
do have a job. Besides, I love you and I want things to be
different. I think we are all too close here and have too
little privacy".
"You'll get into trouble", Pedro warned, "But I'm not
going to stop you".
Less than a week later l had found a one-bedroom apart­
ment on Sheridan Road. It wasn't the nicest place in town,
but at least I was away from Pedro. On the day I moved out,
I went to the bank to withdraw my savings. After signing
for the apartment, I had $ I00 left, and I rode to work on
the bus. I walked through the doors of the restaurant, said
hello to my coworkers, and stopped dead in my tracks. My
purse! All my money, my apartment keys, everything was
on the bus! On picking up my shopping bags I had left my
purse on the seat.
"Oh, horrors!" I raced out the doors and rushed up to the
first car I saw. Not seeing me, the man drove off. Then I saw
a police waiting for a red light across the street. I dashed
329
through the traffic and hastily explained my predicament
to the startled officer.
"Jump in the back", he ordered without hesitation. The
officer made a U-tum and flipped on his siren and flashing
lights. We raced down Lawrence Avenue; the bus looked
hopelessly tiny in the distance. Speeding along, we came
close to nmning down two nuns who were crossing the street.
Just then I realized with apprehension that we were
approaching the barbershop. And it was just my luck that
we had a red light at the intersection. The police officer
slowed down, sirens warning the traffic to let us pass.
Looking up, Pedro saw me sitting in back of the squad
car. His razor dropped and he dashed for the phone. "Oh,
no!" I thought fearfully. But right now my attention was
riveted on the bus, and I worried that I would never see
my purse again.
When the bus stopped for a red light, we pulled in front
and screeched to a stop at an angle, sirens still running.
Seeing both of us jump out, the bus driver was terrified,
thinking he was under arrest but not knowing what for. He
knew that the police rarely ran down busses.
The frightened driver threw up his hands. I ran to the
back of the bus ... and it was still there! My purse was still
there! Perhaps no one had seen the little clutch bag because
it was the same color as the seat.
Meanwhile, the policeman tried to calm the bus driver:
"Put your hands down. You're not under arrest", he said
laughingly. The driver said, "l tell you, you scared me to
death!"
On our way back, the policeman lectured me. "Let this
be a lesson to you, young lady, because not every police­
man will do this for you. You've got to be more careful
with your things; you're lucky your purse was still there.
But it was exciting for me too. I had a lot of fun".
330
Everyone in the restaurant was stunned. They had seen
me walking in, racing out, approaching a man's car just
driving off, and dashing into a police car to follow in the
same direction. They were wondering if the man had done
something to warrant being chased. Totally puzzled they
awaited my return.
Back at work, everybody crowded around me: "What
happened? What did the man do?" "What man?" I asked
completely perplexed.
'
"That man who drove off, and you took off after him
in a police car".
"He didn't do anything!" I was surprised to hear how
they had been waiting in suspense. "I was going to ask him
to try and help me catch the bus because I left my purse on
it, and when he drove off I saw the police car".
Everyone thought it was a hilarious scene.
Finally I called my mother. She was furious. "Pedro
almost cut a man's ear off when he saw you! We were both
nervous wrecks". As I told her the story, Mom began to
laugh. But Pedro remained furious. "See, I told you she'd
get into trouble if she moved out on her own. And it's only
the first day".
The freedom of living on my own was well worth the
money it cost me to take care of myself. I came and went
where I pleased and when I pleased. And I enjoyed all the
friends I cared to have. This was a new way oflife for me,
and l relished it. Just being away from Pedro's drunken passes
was heavenly.
Modeling jobs brought me a great deal more money
than I really needed, and I spent most of it foolishly. I
would throw the clothes away and buy new ones instead
of washing them. And I would take all my friends out to
eat steaks, and I ate out myself all the time.
This was a time of my life where I became more and
331
more interested in parties and socializing, because C.L.
never allowed me to have friends and we never lived in
one place long enough to know anyone.
I soon had a bad reputation on my floor of the build­ ing,
thanks to the wild parties and goings on, and to my
unawareness of how reputations get started - people are
inclined to believe that if you have noisy parties then there
is sure to be alcohol and;;ex.
As time went on, my parties became wilder and wilder.
The wildest party of all took place shortly before Mom
and Pedro forced me to move back to the barbershop. The
reason so many people showed up was that I had told all
the students who came into the restaurant that they were
cordially invited.
A sign decorated my apartment door on that memorable
night. "Boys - take off your shirts before you come in".
The whole idea was that we would throw all the shirts in
the middle of the floor, and each girl would pick one up;
its owner was to be her dancing partner.
The craziest game of all gave each girl a tum in the
dark closet. All of the boys stood in a circle in the living
room, while one of us spun around in the center, point­
ing. Then the girl in the closet would yell, "Stop!" At that
moment, whichever boy was pointed at would have a turn
in the closet with her, for five minutes by the clock. It was
harmless fun for not too much can happen in five minutes!
Drinking the fennented apple cider I had made, made all
ofus noisier by the minute. Some of the guys had of course
brought their booze which they had stashed outside on the
fire escape, unknown to me at the time. When the police
finally arrived (called no doubt by our neighbors who found
that stuffing cotton in their ears didn't help) my apartment
was wreck. The officer assumed the worst. But he was
fair and gave me a chance to explain.
a
332
"Well, it's a harmless party", he admitted after I had
done the talking. He took me out into the hall. "Sheila, you
know how these old people are, they don't like this sort of
stuff because it disturbs them. Just keep it quiet and we'll
let it go at that".
I thanked him and returned to give the news to the ones
who were capable of hearing, and I tried toshush them. Our
party came to a final rest at 7:30 in the morning.
At nine I was woken by the shrill ringing of the phone
and looked around. Here were people, left and right, sleep­
ing. Four or five other boys and girls were stretched across
my bed with me. One guy was lying under the couch, and
another guy was sleeping in the bathtub. The closets were
being used, too. I had people wall to wall. I dragged myself
to the telephone. It was Mom. How was I, she asked. I could
barely talk, or hold open my eyes, but I managed to say all
was okay. She didn't become suspicious. But the elderly
lady, who lived next door and who had called the police,
some days later to6k advantage of her chance to send me
home. I was down the hall, visiting with friends when my
phone rang and the same old lady entered my apartment
to answer it. Mom was on the line. "If you care anything
about your daughter", the old lady lectured, "you'll come
and get her. She's a little prostitute. She's got guys in and
out all the time."
They were waiting for me after I returned from work
that day. I was ordered back to the barbershop, on grounds
that I was underage and that Mom had custody of me. I
didn't like this at all, and I was very unhappy, but seeing
that Pedro would not let up until I came home, I moved
back to the barbershop even thought I didn't feel safe there.
"We can't have you getting into any more trouble", they
said, sounding concerned.
When Mom told me about the phone call, I asked, "Why
333
would that lady say that; just because I have lots of friends
doesn't mean I have sex with them all?"
Mom explained to me what a prostitute was, and how if
you had too many boys in and out of your apartment that it
did not look right, no matter if you were innocent or not. 1
learned that in Earth's society it was frowned upon to invite
men to your place if you lived alone.
Again I had learned an important lesson about life on
Earth.
My reputation was bad because I had let boys stay in
my apartment if they got into trouble at home, and their
girlfriends, too. Not many young people were so inde­
pendent. At their age they were in school and lived with
parents. Anyone as young as I with living in an apartment
on her own was popular. "Oh!" I exclaimed. "If this is how
people think, no wonder they thought I was bad". Just a
few days after I had moved back to the barbershop, we
traveled together to El Paso, Texas, where Pedro dropped
us off at a hotel and went on to visit his family in Mexico.
It was the second-last day of our stay in El Paso, when I
left the hotel in the evening to order some food and drinks
from our favorite restaurant, while Mom waited for my
return with a ravenous appetite.
As I sat in the booth waiting for my order, I noticed that
a handsome young man in an army uniform with black hair
and blue eyes kept staring at me. I glanced around to see
whether he was staring at someone else, but he was not.
Presently he came over and said hello. He was not trying
to make a pass at me, he explained, but he was an artist
who thought 1 was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.
My facial features, my eyes, my nose, everything was bal­
anced. My long neck and beautiful hair was just perfect.
"May I do your portrait some day?" he asked meekly. I was
speechless and very flattered. He walked me back to our
334
hotel and told me a little bit about himself. Carl was his
name and he was of German descent. Being able to speak
German fluently he was presently stationed in Germany.
As I thought he was vety likeable, I told him that I would
be glad to come down and meet him in the park the next
day at noon, and let him do my portrait.
I told my mother about Carl, and we both were all
excited about seeing him the next day. But Pedro came
home that night to pop my balloon; we would be leaving at
ten o'clock in the morning. The next morning we learned
that our train did not leave until two o'clock. I felt like an
emotional yo-yo. Close to noon I sneaked out of the hotel
with my name and address on a slip of paper. I ran barefoot
over to the park. Carl was waiting for me already.
"Carl, I'm sorry but I can't pose for you because my
stepfather came back and he is not the type of person who
would understand. He told me not to talk to anybody here". I
caught my breath. "But I like you very much and I'd like
you to write me if you'd like to".
Carl just stood there looking sadly at me. "How sad we
don't have more time together", he said. "I just learned that
I have to go back to Germany today. And I just came here
to let you know and not keep you waiting in vain. I'll write
you.because I like you very much, too. I've seen women
all over the world but I've never seen one as beautiful as
you", he said softly. "I don't know how to thank you". I
was embarrassed. I ran back to the hotel, and that was the
last I saw of him.
Every month thereafter I received a letter from Carl,
from Germany where he was stationed. With every letter,
Carl sent along a sketch of German scenes, of castles he
had visited. And he included photos of himself. I in tum
sent Carl modeling photographs of myself, such as the one
where they had posed me like Marilyn Monroe in a black,
335
low-cut tight dress and push-up bra. Lacey garters showed
as I partly pulled up my dress. Carl liked that one best of
all; it made all the guys he knew crazy about me, he said.
In our letters we discussed our spiritual beliefs, family
life, children, education, marriage, and we found that we
agreed on many things, and that we had many likes and
dislikes in common. He was very excited about this and
finally asked if I would marry him. I consented. I loved
Carl, too, even though we had spent so little time together.
I felt we had known and loved each other in past lifetimes.
In the next letter, Carl announced that he had bought an
uncut two-carat diamond, and asked how I wanted to have
it set. He was planning to send me an engagement ring. A
one and one-tenth carat solitaire set in platinum with a
white gold band arrived in a mailbox. All my friends gasped
over its beauty, and I of course was overjoyed.
Our plan was that during the following summer I would
come to Germany and we would be married there. When I
heard all of this I began to feel guilty about my past, about
the fact that I was no longer a virgin. I wrote Carl that I
could not marry him until he knew the truth. My stepfather
had raped me at fourteen and I was no longer a virgin. A
telegram arrived from Germany. "The past does not matter. I
love you now, as you are now. Love, Carl"
Although I knew him only through letters, and he never
touched or kissed me, it made no difference. I loved Carl
and eagerly looked forward to the coming summer. With
the money he sent me, I went shopping for all the things
I needed, especially the wedding gown. After not finding
the gown of my dreams, I designed my own and then had
a dressmaker bring it into physical being. It was a dream
in silk and lace. The lacey veil had a crown of pearls.
I wrote Carl that my mother and stepfather were drinking
336
and fighting more than they ever did. Pedro continued to
try bothering me and I was worried about staying there. I
had the uncomfortable feeling that something terrible was
about to happen.
Carl answered immediately. If Pedro ever hurt me, he
would kill him, he said. I had kept Carl up-to-date on the
family problem by letter.
It happened one night, when Mom staggered drunkenly
to her bed and passed out. Pedro began picking on me. "So
you think you're going to get married and leave me with
her drunk like this all the time? You're not going to go off
and leave me responsible for her", he yelled.
"She wouldn't be drunk if you hadn't bought her the
stuff, Pedro!" I remarked. "And you know, you can't pos­
sess both Donna and me. You are married to my mother
and you have to realize that". One cannot reason with a
drunken man, I learned. Pedro was cursing he was going
to kill me anyway, so he went off to the front of the shop,
shouting he would shoot us both. As I went through the
door leading to the shop, I realized that I could trap him in
the barbershop by knocking it down. It was a heavy sliding
door; too heavy for him to lift it back onto the rollers in his
drunken state. But first I had to grab his keys, so that he
could not remove the gun from the locked drawer, or leave
the barbershop and enter from the rear. Then I planned to
run back and slam the door behind me, hard enough that it
would fall.
Fortunately the barbershop was dark except for our neon
business sign in front. Pedro never turned on the lights at
night because we were not supposed to be living on the
business premises.
I saw Pedro at the front of the shop fumbling with the
keys of the drawer. Running up behind him, I grabbed
them, and made a mad dash back to safety. Over the foot
337
extension of the last barber chair I tripped, slamming into
the door and knocking it from the hinges. The dark of night
was not my friend after all. I was stuck!
Pedro bounded toward me and snatched the keys up
from the floor, as I struggled to my feet with my hurt head
reeling from the spill. He returned with the gun, waving
it, prepared to kill me.
Lunging up I shoved him backwards and dashed toward
the front of the shop, thinking I would break the plate glass
window and get out to call for help on the street. I never
made it that far. I was halfway up to the front door when
he shot.
I felt a horrible pain, as if somebody had poured Iiquid
metal onto my ann. I was terrified into freezing dead in my
tracks, awaiting the next bullet to finish me off.
I turned around and went to sit down, shaking from head
to foot. This man was drunk, had no control over himself.
Sure of himself, Pedro came up and held the gun against
my temple, pulling the trigger back. "Are you going to do
what I say? Or do you want to die?" he said with clenched
teeth, unconcerned that he had hurt me.
I really did not feel it was time to die. I remembered
how I had been unable to commit suicide because of my
future mission on Earth. For the moment I forgot about
being brave, knowing that with the first shot, drunk as he
was, Pedro could have killed me and perhaps intended to,
but missed. I decided that it was better to be raped than to
be killed.
He took me to the back, within the shadows, and forced
me to lie down on the floor. It seemed that the torture went
on and on without end as I lay there crying. I did not think
he would ever stop. I.tried to close my eyes and think of
someone I loved, but it was no use.
Feeling humiliated and used, I asked myself, "Why must
338
I go through this? Have I been so ruthless and horrible to
people (in my past lives) to deserve this treatment?"
When Pedro finished, he got up saying nothing. He
straightened his clothes and ordered me up, with the gun
in his hand. I was in a daze; my arm was hurting badly. I
walked slowly to the sink across the shop and washed the
blood from my arm and my hands. The bullet had barely
entered the arm and fell into the sink. I found some gauze 1,1
and tape in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom a
e-.:1,,J
daged the wound. I cried myself to sleep and slept most of c..-t.ic,J\
the next day, a Sunday. Mom asked about my arm. I made
up a lame story about tripping over one of the foot rests
on the barber chairs while carrying empty beer bottles and
cutting myself as I fell and broke one. She was concerned
and helped me re-bandage it.
Pedro pretended nothing had happened. He had probably
been too drunk to remember anything. I thought about Carl.
''I'll never tell him, or anyone. He knows I am not a virgin
anymore". I did not want to hurt my mother- that was one
of my biggest problems. Too often I worried about and tried
to protect my mother, instead of caring for myself. I loved
her so much that I forgot myself over it.
339
Chapter 6
Longing for love and understanding
ome weeks later, I began to get violently sick in the
cJ mornings. Until two o'clock every day none of the
food I ate stayed in my stomach. But then I was fine for
the rest of the day. I was worried and went to see a doctor
after a few days.
"Well, you are pregnant, Sheila", he said with certainty.
Almost three months after Pedro raped me I found out I
was pregnant. I broke down crying.
"What's the matter?" the doctor asked.
"I'm engaged to be married and I just don't know what
to do".
"Well, isn't it the boy's child?" he asked, puzzled.
"No, I haven't been sleeping with anybody. My stepfa­
ther raped me", I sobbed.
After I had told him the whole story, he quieted me down
and offered to help me.
The doctor asked if I wanted to have an abortion, but I
reasoned with him that ifl could get pregnant just like that
in one night, then this child has to be born for a reason. If
I had been sleeping with someone over a period of time
and then gotten pregnant, I might have felt different. No,
I did not want an abortion.
I was afraid to tell Mom and Pedro, who were wait­
ing outside. Finally the moment came. The doctor brought
Pedro and Mom into his office and we broke the news to
them. Pedro tried todeny it at first. "Are you sure it's mine?"
340
"Pedro, how could you even ask such a thing? I don't
blame you if you don't remember it, but I don't have any
reason to lie", I said, sobbing. "I can't blame it on any­ one
else because you know I haven't been going out with
anyone. I'm engaged to be married. If it was another boy
I'd certainly admit it, because I wouldn't want to hurt
Mommy."
Pedro finally admitted that he hazily remembered some
of the details of that night, but when I did not say anything
the next day, he assumed innocence of any wrongdoing.
Pedro then offered to pay all the hospital bills ifl in tum
gave him the child.
On the way home everybody felt bad. Mom kept say­
ing it was all her fault. Crying, she told me how she and
Pedro had planned to get me pregnant so that they could
have a baby, because she was not able to become pregnant
again. It just shocked me so badly to hear this. It sounded
incredible; how could anyone do such a thing, I thought in
horror. "Sheila, I'm sorry", she sobbed, "but at the time I
was drinking too much." In her blurred mind it was also a
way of keeping me with her, for she still felt bad about
having sent me away to Grandma and not seeing me for
so many of my growing years.
What would I tell Carl now, so close to our planned
marriage? How was he going to react to the fact of my
getting raped a second time? Would he believe it? Who
would believe it? With these questions flowing through
my mind, I felt helpless, disgusted, and hurt.
Many people say that a woman cannot be raped in the
first place. But the fact is that I know differently. Before
that night I could close my legs and kick, and he had never
gotten anywhere. But with a gun it is different.
"How am I going to get out of this mess?" I asked my
mother, thinking of Carl.
341
Mother was quiet for a moment, then suggested, "Why
don't you write and tell him I'm pregnant, and you have to
stay to take care of me?"
I wrote Carl, saying that my mother had always wanted
children, and that now after an operation she was pregnant. •
But it was a delicate situation, the doctor had said, and
suggested that I stay with her until the child was born. It
might be emotionally disturbing if I left for Germany. I
would not be able to leave for another five months. Carl
was not too happy about this, but it was all right ifl stayed.
He would wait for me.
My friends in the meantime tried to persuade me to send
Pedro to jail, but Mom begged me not to. She loved him. I
agreed not to call the police, but only on one promise, that
they would not drink or fight anymore, because I could not
stand it. "I cannot be so nervous carrying a baby. Any more
fighting or arguments, I'm gone. I will not stay here!" I
burst out in sobs from fright and nerves. Things improved
for a while.
After four months of being pregnant, nothing showed.
I was just as flat-tummied as ever. Of course I did not eat
well; I was craving polish sausage and potato chips. I did
not know much about nutrition, and I was not aware of the
poisonous preservatives in food at that time.
Pedro kept up his game of bothering me while Mom
was deep asleep or drinking. I would fight, and tell him to
leave me alone; I begged, I cried, but he never stopped
trying. One day, Mom asked if Pedro was bothering me.
She suspected this. "No, he hasn't", I said, trying to protect
her from the truth. Mom did not believe me. "Don't lie to
me, Sheila. I'm not going to say anything". That was what
I worried about, Pedro and Mom getting into a raging battle
about it. "Yes he is; he won't leave me alone", I admitted.
"But I can stand it until the baby is born, for your sake."
342
But when I got home that day from work, they were
drunk and had been fighting. Beer cans were strewn all
over the place. No doubt Donna had broken her promise
and jumped on Pedro. It made me angry because she had
promised that this was the one thing she would not do. I
pretended everything was all right, but I knew that some­
how I had to leave.
"I'm going to the Laundromat to do the clothes", I said,
getting busy.
Pedro looked up. "That's all right, you can do it tomor­
row".
"No, I want to do them now because tomorrow is my day
off'. My plan was to throw all the laundry into the washers
and take off. I had to go away; I could not tolerate this any
longer. Kissing Mom goodbye and taking some money, I
went out the door.
At the Laundromat, I put all the clothes into the washers,
wondering what a person did in a situation like thifbA.fter
transferring them to the dryers, I went for a walk, until I
came to the bridge over the river. There I stood, crying,
tears streaming down my face. "Where am I going? What
in the world am I going to do? How am I going to get out
of this? Uncle Odin, help me, please!"
A car pulled up just then, and a nicely-dressed man
walked over. "You're not planning to jump, are you?" he
asked worriedly.
"Oh, no, nothing like that", I sobbed. He persisted.
"Well, something is wrong. I can see it. What's the matter,
won't you talk to me?"
"No, it's all right, it's nothing", I said, starting to walk
away.
The man walked along. "You can talk to me and confide
in me, after all, Tam a policeman. I'm off duty right now."
Silence.
343
"Can I give you a lift somewhere?" "Well, I'm just at
the Laundromat", I replied.
I got into the car with him and f told him everything, about
Pedro raping me, that I was pregnant, that 1 wanted to leave,
but that l was afraid to leave because he might kill my mother
and I would be responsibl'c)He listened until 1 was
through. "Sheila, you have to leave", he concluded. "You
can't stay there. I think the problem you've had all your life
is that you've tried to protect your mother. You know, she
herself was responsible for getting into these situations.
Actually, all you should worry about now, is yourself'.
He told me that his name was Carl - what a strange
coincidence! He offered me to stay at his place after he
called the police station to see ifl was old enough to legally
move out. At seventeen I was in the clear. Girls are allowed
to move out at the age of sixteen, they explained.
Carl looked at me. "Now call home from here, and tell
them". As r dialed our number I feared the worst. "Pedro?"
I asked timidly. "I'm not coming home!" "OK". "Did you
hear what I said? I'm not coming home!"
"Yeah, I know". Pedro hung up. He must have been mad,
T thought. Pedro doesn't give away his temper at first, just
sort of boils for a while. I was relieved, but still worried
about Mom. T called back and asked how she was. When
I heard her in the background, I felt better.
Carl sent out for a pizza and tried to make me feel at
home. He told me that until I had enough money to rent
a room somewhere, and until I had rested from this latest
crisis, I was welcome to stay with him. His offer to help me
was from his heart, not from the mind. I was very grateful
feeling like a mistreated puppy who craved affection.
But when he told me that he was physically attracted to
me, I explained that I was engaged to be married. He
looked a little dejected but agreed it would be too difficult
to live together. So after a few weeks r went out to find
a room. I could not afford much because I had to pay for
my doctor bills, too. My apartment was a single room in a
rundown, cheap, ugly section of Chicago. It had a small
bed, a refrigerator, and a table, and that was about all. The
shower and toilets were down the hall, to be shared. The
floor itself was a mess; drunks from the street slept there.
Sometimes when I came home from work, I had to step
over passed-out drunks in the hall.
The room cost me only about five dollars a week because
I shared it with a guy named Roger. He slept there while I
was at work, and I slept there while he worked. We hardly
ever met each other.
With the doctor bills coming in, T was not doing very well
financially. For quite some time now Thad done very little
modeling, and I regretted having spent my money so
foolishly. Oh, how I could use it now. To help pay the bills T
saw no other choice but to pawn my ring, but only for fifty
dollars so I could later get it back. It turned out that I was not
old enough, so I asked Roger to sign for me.
Tn my letters to Carl I persisted with the same lie about
Mom being pregnant, for lack of knowing what to do. I
had given a change-of-address notice to the post office.
One day a man stopped me on the street, while I was
walkin&along in a little blue Indian costume, pants anda
top, with my hair in pigtails. "You know, I'd love to take
some pictures of you 'cause I do photography for Vogue.
And if you let me do some photographs of you I'll give
you lots of money." His name was Lonnie. He seemed like
a rather nice guy.
"Well, all right, I do need the money", I responded. At his
apartment I was really shy about taking off my clothes, so
he took some photos of me in my Indian costume. I guess
344
345
he was trying to butter me up when he took me to Carson's
and bought a whole new outfit for me. With $ 25 I went to
the beauty parlor, so that we could do some shots later on
the lake front. I was thrilled out of my boots!
Returning to the apartment with me, Lonnie insisted
again that I pose nude. I was too shy to do it, but1 did strip
down to my panties and bra, and he continued taking shots.
Finally he did talk me into it and took some shots of me
standing nude behind the frosted shower glass, with light
pouring through from the back. They were all very modest
poses, none of which I ever saw developed. Although Lon­
nie would not admit it, I suspected he had sold them to a
slick magazine. Whenever I went to pose for him, Lonnie
paid me$ 50, sometimes $ 75. The day finally came that
he wanted to make love to me. I refused.
Lonnie asked me to be his girl. He offered to set me up in
a beautiful apartment, he did not care that I was pregnant.
I was afraid. When he fell asleep one day during work, I
took three twenties from his wallet and left. Lonnie's wallet
was packed with cash! He probably never realized anything
was missing, and I did not feel the least bit guilty about it.
I never saw him again.
I learned from this experience that here on Earth, where
money is needed to survive, for a person in need it is very
difficult not to fall into a trap of the negative forces.
I still worried a lot about my mother, so one day I dar­
ingly took a walk down into the neighborhood of the shop.
Then I saw Mom across the street walking toward the bar­
bershop with shopping bag in hand. My heart leaped in this
moment of surprise; quickly I ducked into the entranceway
of a store, watching as she passed. She looked bad, so
worried and worn. It was all I could do to restrain myself
from running to her and throwing my am1s around her.
I watched her with tears in my eyes until she was out of
346
sight. Leaning against the building I cried. I loved her so
much. How awful for her to suffer and not even understand
Karma. I had never been able to talk to her about spiritual
matters. When was I going to be with her again? Feeling
terribly lonely that night, I fell asleep.
Not far from my house was a combination bowling alley
and restaurant. On a hunch I stopped in toask if they needed
a waitress; they did, and the next day l started working
there. A few days later my agent called with good news. I
was offered a modeling job. Being almost six months
pregnant there was hardly anything to be seen. It seemed
that my life was making a tum for the better.
Returning home one day to get ready for the new work,
I was shocked senseless. Pedro and Mom were there. "Oh
God, what am I going to do?" I thought, quite shaken. "You
are coming home with us", Pedro commanded, flashing a
gun. "OK". What else could I say?! "How did you find out
where I was?" I asked both of them. "Never mind,just get
your clothes together", said Pedro.
Back at the barbershop they told me they wanted the
baby, and they did not want anything to happen to it. That
is why they were taking me home, to make sure I was all
right and to pay all the hospital bills. l could not survive
on my own, they reasoned. I realized that if I kept the baby
I would need a babysitter while I worked. So at least with
them I would know where it was, and it would have a fulltime mother.
"Well, I have to go get my ring out of pawn. Can I go
and at least do that?" But they would not let me out of their
sight, not for five minutes. Together we went to retrieve the
ring. It was gone! Stolen! Roger, my roommate, who had
signed for me, apparently had gone back to enrich himself
at my expense. Shattered, l realized that this was my reward
for trusting people.
347
Pedro and Mom made me a virtual prisoner, especially
after they had allowed me to go to the store on my own one
day. I sneaked into a phone booth and called the police.
"Can I talk to someone, because I've been raped and I'm
pregnant, and they're locking me in the back of the house,
and I want some help". They went through all the rigmarole
of legality, and switching me from one person to another,
when all of a sudden Pedro and Mom showed up to collar ,,."'" f 0«1J
me and drag me back home. From then on I could not go ,f,.;,ii.,_
anywhere unless I was with them.
Once again I broke the news to Mom that I was planning
to tum Pedro over to the police. It certainly would take care
of my fear of him. My mother begged and pleaded for me
not to do it, that Pedro did not know what he was doing, and
she loved him. Softheartedly I promised her once again - I
would not send Pedro to jail.
I wrote to Carl and told him what was happening, the
truth about Pedro raping me. T could no longer go on lying
to him, and I desperately needed his help to get me out of
here as he had promised. Carl never answered my letter. I
wrote another and another, and I still did not get an answer.
One day, I saw that a letter from Germany had arrived, but
Mom would not let me read it. Mom finally explained that
Pedro had thrown away all the others. She only found out
just before this one arrived and wouldn't let him have it.
I opened it to find that after my last desperate letter tell­
ing him the whole true story he had written several times,
worried about me, wanting me to come to Germany right
after the baby. Then when he did not hear from me for two
months had married some woman with two children from
a previous marriage. So that was that. He now was
someone else's husband. I couldn't stop crying. "Why is it
that every time I love somebody they either disappear or
run out on me, or leave me? Why do I always have to
348
go through this again? Why is everything snatched away
from me when I am just about to get what I want, what I
need ..." I suffered for a long time and once again, I was
completely confused.
During the last months of my pregnancy, it was a
rare thing for me to go anywhere at all. It was hell to be in
the back of the barbershop all day - seemed as if my life
with C.L. had begun all over again, only he looked
different.
T spent the time thinking of my wonderful childhood
and my decision that had brought me here. Karma is just a
word; the suffering is not insinuated by those few letters.
I had no choice but to accept and try to understand all that
was happening.
One night, when I couldn't sleep, J asked Uncle Odin if
he thought I had made the right decision choosing this life.
His answer was that only I could make the decisions that
guided my life. That I should never blame the child
because of the consciousness of the father. I knew this was
true. The child and the Soul were innocent of any
circumstances before its arrival. It only chose to come out
of a past connection to one or both ofus.
I knew Mom really wanted another child. If I gave her
this baby, I thought, I could make up for some of the suf­
fering. And having the baby to care for, she would give up
her drinking, I hoped.
Pedro and Mom went with me whenever I visited the
doctor. The doctor was puzzled about me. He insisted 1
would not have the baby until December.
"No", I disagreed, "the baby will be born November the
18th and it will be a boy".
"Well, honey, how do you know this?" No woman had
ever told him when her baby would be born. Should I tell
him that I was communicating with the child? Nobody
349
would believe me. So I said: "I just know ... and there is a
streak ofhair growing on my stomach". "What?" "A streak
of hair on my stomach".
"And that's why you think it's a boy?" he asked, com­
pletely baffled.
"Well, yes, it has to do with hormones", I replied. "I
never thought of that theory. Where did you get that from?"
"Well, I don't know". What else could I say? The doctor
was really kind to me. He treated me like I was a baby
myself. I liked him.
"Sheila, one thing I do know. You're not going to have
that baby until December.
Look at you, you're so tiny! How can you expect to have a
baby that soon?" I did not argue with him anymore. Time
will tell, I thought.
My attention turned to the baby and that I would have to
give it up. This little being inside of me was part of myself.
He could feel my emotions and sense how much I suffered.
Yet how could I make him understand that I had to give
him up? How was he going to feel about it later on? I had
no idea how to solve this problem
On the other hand, I could hardly wait for my freedom,
for as soon as the baby was born l would leave the barber­
shop forever. Presently I was looking forward to having
the baby, so I would be over with it and get out.
Freddie, the shoe-shine boy working at the barbershop,
came to my rescue. Pedro apparently liked the little fellow
so much that I was allowed to take him to a show. I was so
happy to escape my prison for a few hours. Even better,
his older brother Ronald met us there at the theater, and we
fell for each other immediately. Freddie had talked about
me at home, and Ronald of course felt very sympathetic.
I learned later from Freddie that Ronald adored me even
though I was getting fat in the tummy.
350
I started seeing Ronald quite often, whenever I could
sneak away, which was when Pedro and Mom were passed
out drunk. We planned for the future: as soon as l had the
baby, we would move in together and be married later on.
Desperate for affection, I secretly called Ronald whenever
I could from the shop while Freddie watched for Pedro.
Finally it was November and I started counting the days.
In the morning of November 16, my water broke and I
called the kind doctor.
"Sheila; call a cab and co e over to the hospital", he
instructed. Mom had already gone off to work earlier. Pedro
was busy at the barbershop. So I went to the hospital by
myself, so sad and lonely in the cab, with my little suitcase.
I was scared. This was my first baby and I did not know
anything about having a baby. I wished I had called Mom;
I knew Pedro would not tell her the news until she returned
home from work.
At the hospital they put me to bed, prepped me, and
started checking my dilation. I was not dilating and the
pains were terrible. In the night they came to prop a pillow
between my legs, to stop some of the pain, but in spite of
all the pain pills it was just constant. The baby was pushing
and bearing down, yet I was not dilating. "If we cannot
dilate you artificially, we will have to do a caesarian", the
doctor said. "But you should be able to have a baby nor­
mally. This isn't a very big baby."
All along the doctor had been repeating himself: "I can't
believe you're ready to have the baby. You're not supposed
to have this baby until December".
Mom came to visit me in the labor room. She gave me
a kiss and a hug, telling me not to worry, that she would
be with me all the time if it were possible.
Only fathers were allowed in the labor room, but she
talked the attendants into letting her stay one hour. She
351
stood there letting me squeeze her hand whenever I had a
pain.
It was November 18, after thirty-four hours of labor,
that they pushed me into the delivery room. The doctor had
dilated me artificially by giving me a shot inside the vagina,
which hurt fiercely. All of a sudden everything down there
was numb. Afterwards I did not feel much of anything.
They strapped my left ann down and put my other hand
on a grip. My feet went into the stirrups. "All right, push",
the doctor instructed, as I looked up into the mirror hanging
above my head. And it was so easy. I just pushed and it was
like going to the bathroom, and the baby was out. It was
a five pound-two ounce little boy, so little, only eighteen
inches long.
"Oh my God! What's that thing hanging out ofme?" I
exclaimed, seeing a long bluish cord. "What happens, do
you have to push that back up in there? Where does it go?"
I was frightened.
The doctor was laughing. "Sheila, really, don't you know
anything? This is the umbilical cord that connects the baby
to the placenta, and it comes out after the baby is born. I
thought, every woman knew this". "No, it scared me. I
thought something was wrong with me", I admitted.
I was rolled into another room. "You can see your baby
now", the nurse said, and she actually gave him to me.
Oh, he was beautiful! Just a gorgeous little baby. He had
huge, sad gray eyes, and fuzz all over his head. "He looks
just like me", I thought. I could not believe that I had had
a baby, that this thing was real, and it came from inside
me! I almost fell out of bed looking at him and holding
him, I was so weak.
My tears were falling on his little face as I said, "I love
you more than anything, and I hope you can understand
that I don't want to give you away, that I am not ruthless
352
•
and cold, that I do love you and I want to keep you with
all my heart. I do not have a choice because they paid for
my hospital bill and I have to give you up for that. And
I'm afraid of Pedro".
The nurse came in and took the baby away and I calmed
down and fell asleep.
When they brought the babies around to be fed for the
first time, I was so nervous that J dropped and broke the
bottle. The nurse told me that if he started choking I was
to hold him upside down and pat him, so that the mucous
could come out. I was horrified at the idea of actually doing
it, but after the first and second time it was not so bad.
Mom came to visit me with a huge basket of fruit. She
had seen the baby, she told me, and he was so beautiful,
so lovely. As I lay there in bed, enjoying Mom's company,
I realized that my deep love for her stemmed from many
lifetimes of close relationships. Of all the people in my
Earth life, she was most special, most dear to me.
When Pedro arrived, my mood changed. "Are you going
to breastfeed the baby?" he asked. "No, J'm not", I replied.
"I'm not going to stay around that long. I'm not going to
live with you and nurse the baby. I want to leave". But
first I had to go back to the barbershop with them. The ride
home was trouble; my stitches hurt so badly. J could not
get into a comfortable position and had to sit on my hands.
I had to lie down on my back or stand up; I could not sit
down for the whole first week, unless I was soaking in hot
water. The pain in my breasts intensified. I tried wrapping
towels around my breasts to stop the milk, and I thought
I would never get over the misery of the pain, my stitches
hurting, milk dripping all over the place, the baby crying
continuously.
Mom was at work and Pedro was busy cutting people's
hair, so I was alone with the baby. It was just driving me
353
crazy. I'd go to change his diaper, and I'd bend over and
my milk would drip all over him, and he would pee on
himself, and then he'd cry, and then he'd spit up, and then
he'd cry, and then he'd spit up; and then I had to change
the diaper again. I'd straighten up and he would cry again,
and I'd check him and he was wet again, and my milk was
just drip, drip, dripping.
Sofinally I started crying too, because my stitches were
hurting and the baby would not leave me alone. I didn't
know what to do. This very moment Mom came home from
worlt)She and Pedro walked into the room just then and
burst out laughing, which really got me mad. Here I was
in pain, and they were laughing.
Mom took the baby and ran a bath of hot water for me, so
that I could relax. I was never going to have another baby,
I told Mom. I did not realize it was so miserable - milk
dripping all over, stitches hurting, the baby screaming ...
and never satisfied. Never in my life did I realize that a
mother has to get up in the morning with the baby, and
sometimes he cries at five o'clock. Ifhe gets a bellyache or
the hiccups at night, you have to walk the floor with him,
feed him the bottle, and oh, the misery of having to do all
this, hurting and being tired to the bones.
At nights, with the least little sound from him I'd be sit­
ting straight up in bed: I would see his little eyes shining in
the dark; he would be jerking around instead of sleeping. Of
course he was a cute little baby, and being mine he was the
most beautiful baby in the world. We called him JoJo, but
his real name was Jose Guadalupe Francesco Garcia Mora.
Mom and Pedro were proud of him; they took him all
over the neighborhood. J was proud, too, but I could not
tell anybody. One night when they went out to dinner, I
wrapped JoJo real wann and ran as fast as I could through
the ice and snow, all the way to Ronald's house so his par-
354
ents could see the boy. I was so proud, and everybody was
dishing out compliments. But I had to hurry back home.
I told Ronald that I would be moving in with him pretty
soon, and that we could get married in no time. I had never
really thought about being in love with Ronald. It was just
that I Iiked him very much, and he was kind and sweet and
gentle to me. I figured that ifhe liked me when I was
pregnant, he would like me when I was not. The problem
was that most of our relationship had developed over the
phone, at a time when I was desperately lonely.
JoJo was six weeks old when I finally left the barber­
shop. What a relief! But by moving out of the house, I was
exchanging one set of problems for another. Pedro and
Mom did not make a fuss when I left. I just got ready,
collected my clothes, and walked the six blocks to Ron­
ald's house. But I very quickly found out that by moving
in with him I hadn't found a free life but only a set of new
problems.
Even though the one-bedroom apartment was a nice
place, I figured that the rent we were paying was too high.
Cooking for Ronald was boring, but I never said much
about it because I disliked arguments. Hamburger meat
was fine any way r prepared it, or spaghetti. But there were
hardly any vegetables he liked, and I was not allowed to
experiment with meals. Ronald did not like beef stew, did
not like fish, did not like shrimp, did not like anything, it
seemed to me. He also liked to play cards, which I had
never played in my life. That is how he spent his evenings,
playing cards and drinking beer with the people on the
second floor. It wasn't my kind of life, but I tried to go
along with it because I thought I was in love with him, and
I didn't know the kind of person he was. Ronald was
insecure. Every time I turned around, he was saying: "I love
you. Do you love me?" It was always: "Do you love me?"
355
It bothered me that he insisted on going out with an old
girlfriend. He was talking about her all the time. It hurt me
to see how insincere or perhaps immature he was. Ronald
and I argued heatedly about it when I blamed him for being
childish. If he was to marry me he had to stop playing his
games.
Then he started picking on me, about my earrings, my
makeup, my clothes, the way I behaved. At a Christmas
party with his family I danced with his mother just for fun,
and Ronald reprimanded me for it. "Well this is silly", I
thought, disgusted. "What the hell is he going to do if I
dance with someone else?" I started seeing through our
whole relationship.
Day after day we argued more and more over little
things, and we practically lived at his parents' home. Both
his mother and father drank, which reminded me too much
of the existence I had just left. I realized that I had been
hasty in moving in with Ronald; since l had been so eager
to get away from Morn and Pedro, I had failed to do much
thinking. My desperation made me think that this would be
my way out. During the time that I had been locked up in
the barbershop, Ronald was the only boy my age who I was
able to see and talk to. Therefore, what I felt as love was
really only my infatuation with the idea of getting away. I
talked myself into thinking that I loved him, when I really
did not much know about him. Many people get into the
same unfortunate mess.
Ronald had been drafted and when he went away for
basic training, I moved in with a girl I had met at work.
My decision was made; I intended to break up with him
but I did not know exactly how to do it.
One night he picked me up at the restaurant where I
worked. He talked about his plans for us till late at night.
He wanted me to move down to Florida, where he was
356
going to be based. And he still planned to go out with his
old girlfriend, who lived there. This really peeved me. "I
really don't love this man", I said to myself once more,
"and I'm not going to stay with him." When he finally fell
asleep, I got up to write him a note: "I'm sorry, Ronald;
I haven't been true to you while you were away. I realize
now that my moving in with you was just an escape, and
at the time you were the only person who was kind to me.
I thank you for that, but I'm sorry, I don't think we can
make a life together. Apparently you are still in love with
this girl in Florida, and I just don't think that I'm right for
you. Goodbye".
Outside I walked the streets, all over the neighborhood.
I knew that as soon as Ronald woke up and read the note,
he would drive over to his parents' house with the news.
When I finally did see his car go by, I said to myself, "Well,
it's all over. Now I can go home".
But just about closing time the next night, I saw Ronald
and his father standing outside the restaurant, waiting for
me. My coworkers were excitedly waiting for something
dramatic to happen, while I fidgeted and delayed going
home.
"Sheila, I'm not going to let you get away with this!"
Ronald began. Then his father spoke up. "Look, you've
made a commitment to our son, and you're going with
him".
Ignoring his father, I turned to Ronald. "You can't make
me go with you, and you really don't want me to, because
I don't love you. You can't make someone love you".
"And speaking of commitments", I said looking at his
father, "Ronald didn't make'any commitments to me. I
don't even have an engagement ring, and what about that
girl in Florida he insists on dating?"
Meanwhile, Ronald's father resorted to calling me
357
names. Ronald interrupted him, saying, "I think you should
stay out of it". "Well, we want our TV set back", Ronald's
father demanded. I was using their TV set in my apartment.
"Here is the key", I instructed. "Go and take the TV and
leave the key with the landlady in the lobby, and I'll pick
it up when I get there". The two of them just glared at me,
then left. I never saw them again.
Chapter 7
Renewed confidence
f1t happened during a stay with my grandmother in
U Tennessee. Mom and I had taken the baby to the south
where we proudly presented JoJo to the family. No one
doubted that he was Mom's son.
Suddenly I received an inner message from my people.
It was urgent. I was to go to Nevada immediately. I didn't
tell anybody, but sent Mom and the baby back to Chicago
with an excuse. Then I took the next bus and travelled
across the American continent once again.
Two days later I arrived at Boulder City, at about two in
the afternoon. I checked into a hotel, took a shower, and
changed clothes. Downstairs in the lobby I saw that this
hotel was the perfect starting point for bus tours to Boulder
Dam. Again the inner message, the inner urging was clear.
I was to take the next bus to Boulder Dam, where l would
be met by one of our people.
My next moves became clear with every step of the
way. At the Dam I decided not to finish the rest of the tour.
Instead, I entered the coffee and souvenir shop and sat
down at the counter. I ordered a glass of Coke. A man got
up from one of the booths and walked to the cash register.
Right away he stood out from the other people, just the
way he looked, his face. I could tell he was a Martian. I
looked at him and he looked at me, and we knew. I paid for
my Coke and followed him outside, neither of us saying a
word. In silence the Martian unlocked the door and we
358
359
both got into his car. He knew my name: "Omnec, I am
Flynn. I live in Las Vegas and I have a business there. I was
contacted by your uncle." He said, "I was to bring you to
a certain place, and he said you would be here at the Dam
somewhere. I looked for you and I knew you immediately,
from his description", the man from Mars continued.
I told him I lived in Chicago with a family, and that I had
been raised by a family there. I was going to meet my uncle
because there was some reason for my living on Earth that I
had to learn about, other than what I knew already. He just
smiled at me, said he thought he knew what it was all about.
"It seems everyone except myself knows", I thought.
The Martian laughed: "Perhaps they dqj' Startled, I remem­
bered that our people communicate mentally. "Sheila is the
name I use here", I continued. "Omnec Onec is my full
name, and it means spiritual rebound. I have been told that
it is to be used only after I start my spiritual work by those
who know where I come from.
We drove to a place in the desert close to the Arizona
border. For an hour or so we rode slowly along a bumpy
desert road. Sometimes it seemed to disappear into the
rubble, but my companion apparently knew where he was
going. It surely was wonderful to be in the presence of
someone with a higher consciousness for a change. I took
advantage of this and relaxed to soak it up.
Our destination was deep among the hills and valleys of
the desert, in an area of huge cliffs, hills and boulders. The
sun was already setting when we parked the car where the
road finally ended. Flynn led the way to a secluded area
surrounded on three sides by steep hills. My heart was
pounding madly. Suddenly I saw a silvery spaceship sitting
in the dusk ahead of us. Except for the lights that poured
out through the portholes, it was dark. The ramp was down
and several figures stood there withflashlights. I recognized
360
my uncle immediately, even though I could not see his
face. I ran over into his arms. He smiled at me. We stood
there motionless with our arms around each other. I soaked
in the warmth and love I felt from being with him again.
Odin motioned to his friends that we would enter the
ship alone, together with the pilot. I gave the space greeting
of passing the right hand clockwise over the heart, then
clasping hands while looking deeply into each other's eyes,
nodding. The men went off toward the car while Odin and
I entered the ship. The ramp slid back in and the round
opening closed behind us. I was excited, just touching and
looking at everything, walking around. But Uncle Odin
asked me to sit down on the curved seats around the floor
lens. Looking down through the lens I could see lights of
cars on the highway, traveling back and forth, the Dam
below in the distance, all lit up. What a sight, this huge
Dam sitting in the rocks and bathed in bright lights. There
is nothing quite like Las Vegas at night, because of all the
bright light From the air it was even more beautiful and
spectacular, all those lights spread out below and sur­
rounded completely by the darkness of the desert.
To my surprise I hadn't noticed that the ship had taken
off. Having been out of these ships for such a long time and
so full of joy about my reunion with Odin, I had forgotten
the peculiar lack offeeling any movement. The craft itself
was similar to the ships of our previous trips. Again there
was the slight humming sound, and the soft light that filled
the interior but came from no one source. There were no
shadows.
Odin told me about how my father had not wanted to
be left behind on the Astral Plane when Aunt Arena also
manifested her physical body. He was now living with
them on one of the big mother ships and they were work­
ing on their invention together. My father was very ill; the
361
physical world did not agree with him. Arena was taking
care of him. It seemed that my father's present incarnation
was about over.
He reminded me that I could not tell people about this
trip when I returned to Chicago, no matter how much I
wanted to.
"Omnec, my child, you have had much suffering." I
raised my head to look into his calm eyes, feeling so sad
because I was trapped in my own suffering, the same suffer­
ing I had treated others to in my past lives. With his words
came a feeling within me of wanting to cry and bury my
face in his warmth and strength of his being, but also the
feeling of joy to know I was not suffering for nothing, and
realizing that somewhere in the world every day, people
were experiencing the same pains as I had experienced.
He continued. "Yes, the deep light of burning compas­
sion and sadness rests in your eyes. But with it comes the
look of wisdom and mystery for those who knowest not
these feelings. I would gladly take your suffering ifit were
not a lesson for you as Soul! Don't ever think we have
forgotten you. You are special. Even though it was very
painful for us it was all we could do, Arena and I, not to
interfere and take you away from all the suffering because
of our love for you. And yet, we were warned many times
by the Masters not to do this, no matter how much you
suffered, because then you would not have these experi­
ences and grow.
But we never did forsake or forget you. You had our love
and support all along, and were in our hearts and thoughts
always. And we were with you spiritually".
It hit a soft spot in my heart to hear this. Tears were in
my eyes as he spoke, and of course tears were in his eyes,
too. This made me feel that my suffering was not in vain,
and I realized that my suffering must have a meaninzyf my
362
uncle and aunt had to let me suffer, then they themselves
suffered.
Uncle Odin confirmed my feelings. "Through your suf­
ferings we have learned a great deal of compassion our­
selves, through watching you and feeling the agony you
were going through. I know that many times you must have
felt as if you had been completely neglected, but this is not
true. It is very difficult to be able to contact you because
of where you are living, and because I'm not prepared to
live in that kind of society. It takes an unearthly amount of
courage and stamina to be able to live on Earth. Some
people make the choice and live here comfortably. Others
cannot. I never made that choice because I did not feel that
I could".
Uncle Odin then began to speak about my special mis­
sion on Earth, which the Masters of Retz had hinted at. In
the future 1 would make myself known by writing a book;
this had been foreseen. But of course it would be my own
choice. The choice would be made based on a great spiri­
tual teacher whom I would meet. The spiritual Master was
someone I had known very well in past lives, and whom
I had seen as a child. My uncle predicted that very soon I
would find the spiritual teachings I had known on Venus
as a child. Right now at the time he was telling me this,
the man whom I had seen as a child was translating these
teachings into the English language and bringing them to
the American people. From America the teachings would
be spread to other parts of the world. I was not to search
for him; that would be a mistake and would lead me astray.
I would meet him naturally in my life.
The book, he went on to explain, would be a good way
of introducing people from other planets, because I was
unique in coming here as a child and living among the
people. As of this day, Odin added, no one had written a
363
book of this sort - a first-hand account by an individual
from another planet. I would be the living pmofof my story.
The Brotherhood of the Planets had tried in many ways to...,
make their existence known, little by little. But the truth
had always be o covered up.
I wondered about this. "How can I prove anything? I
look like many other people on Earth". Uncle Odin smiled.
"Do not be mistaken, my child. There is something very
unusual and different about you, a feeling if nothing else.
But most people will see something unusual about you". I
hesitated to believe this, mostly because from living on
Earth so long I figured I had grown to be like everyone else.
"You are not like everyone else, Omnec", he continued
responding to my thoughts. "Think of yourself as different
and special, and in this way you will keep that specialness
which you do have."
"Because you are here, you have the opportunity to write
about your life, and your book will come out at the right
time. It will be for the good of the people, to give people
hope for their world, their Earth. And then some day Earth
can be a part of the Brotherhood of the Planets".
By relating every experience 1 had had on Earth, people
would be able to relate to my suffering, to how I had lived.
The reason I had been put through so many different experi­
ences was not always Karma, but also so that I would have
a great number of different Earth experiences.
In the future I would not always be living the best, I
would not always have the money or all the things I needed.
But I would never do without, even though I might often
get by with very little. Life would be better to me when I
was older;.and 1 was to remember that the teachings were
coming. My uncle did not know the name under which
they would appear; it depended on the Master who was
bringing them into the open.
364
Omnec's Earth mother Donna was
only 14 when she married David.
One year later, she gave
birth to Sheila.
The real Sheila Gipson, here at the
age of 3, who died in a bus accident
in 1955.
1957: C.L. with Donnas sister Ellen
1959: Omnec as Sheila with her
Earth grandmother and her cousins
Eddie (back left), Tommy (back
right) and Dale (front).
Omnec with Paul
Twitchell who
brought the
Eckankar teachings
for our modern times
to the public. Omnec
is pregnant with
Zandar.
The last school year.
Omnec is 14 years old.
Donna, Omnec's earth mother.
Omnec at the age of 18, a few
months after JoJo's birth.
Donna with Jay,
who adopted JoJo.
Omnec with daughter Tobi and Stan with son Zandar in front of a wallcover with the
Masters Fubbi Quantz, Lai Tsi and Rami Nuri.
Omnec with her Earth father David.
Omnec with her four adult children. From left to right front row: Tobi and
Omnec. Back row: Jason, Zandar, and JoJo.
Omnec with Donna and Jay.
Omnec and her daughter Tobi in the Chicago nightclub Faces.
With Lt. Col. Wendelle Stevens,
who published Omnnec's Autobi­
ography From Venus I Came for the
first time in English in 1991.
First public appearance in
Germany at a UFO-Confe­
rence in Diisseldorf, 1992.
Omnec with workshop­
group in Switzerland,
1994.
Omnec and Stanley are happy with Tobi for
their first grandchild Trystan, Chicago 1999.
The "Dance of the Universe"
Omnec autographing her books.
Shining Omnec, 2000.
Among the flowers, 2000
Omnec in Peru at the tum of
the millenium.
Omnec in Munich three
months after her stroke, 2010.
There was not much time he could spend with me. It
was almost time for us to say goodbye, and before I knew
it we had already returned to the spot. "How quickly time
goes when you are with someone you love, and how slowly,
Uncle, when you are in pain", I said. "Isn't there any way
you could come with me? r know I'm being selfish, but I
crave affection and understanding. I feel so strange with
people to whom I really cannot communicate. It was so
wonderful to see you again", I went on. "Thank you for
taking the time and effort to tell me these things. All of it
gave me new courage".
Uncle Odin nodded. "I know that your life will change.
And I heard about the child that you have. I do know many
things that have happened to you, even though you cannot
see or hear me. I will let you know, somehow, if your father
translates."
We landed and it was time for the examination of my
physical functions and to balance any negative effects on
my mental and emotional health. I undressed and was pro­
vided with a special light robe. The temperature on board of
the craft is always comfortable as everything automatically
responds to your needs. Meanwhile I went into a deep
meditation and fell asleep.
Certain energies are directed by thought through a large
crystal and several small ones that are lowered by
automation over certain locations of the body and change
positions as needed. They can also harmonize and balance
the grid lines and chakra system. They also use special
hannonic sounds in combination with the crystal energy
for healing.
When I awoke after about an hour, I felt renewed and
glowing as I re-dressed. I had a very nice fruit drink with
Odin, while he explained that now he could communicate
with me telepathically without interference from any loca365
tion. Up to this time, energy and thoughts from other people
around me had created difficulties.
The door opened, and we stepped outside together. With
hands clasped together we stood there, facing each other.
He gave me a light embrace and I kissed him. Odin looked
deeply into my eyes. "Keep courage in everything that
happens, and if you find yourself getting depressed, it is
very normal. You have more strength than many people,
and do not forget that you are special. And no matter what
anyone says, or how you are treated, do not hold it against
them. They do not know any better".
He kissed me on my forehead and walked away. That
was it. Everyone said goodbye at the car, and as Flynn, my
driver, backed off and turned around I could see my uncle
waving in the headlights. I kept looking out the back
window and waving until there was nothing more to be
seen, not even a speck. A spark of light rose into the sky;
until it was out of sight I watched. For a while 1 did not
say a word, wishing I were leaving in it.
I turned to Flynn. "Thank you very much for bringing
me out here. I appreciate it very much. It meant a great
deal to me". He replied, and it was a pleasure to meet me.
He felt it was an honor, and that it was his part in the
whole movement to make man recognize his ancestors
from outer space. He drove me back to the hotel, where
we said goodbye.
On the way back to Chicago, I relived those special
moments over and over in my mind. How wonderful to see
Uncle Odin again, to have another memory of my people
to cling to and to carry me through many more troubles I
was to face, to once again have the reassurance of what I
am striving for here, and to know how wonderful human
beings can be. How exciting it would be tofind my spiritual
teachings. I wished I could talk about it to somebody.
366
But now I had to go back and continue my life as if
nothing had happened. I felt that I would burst, with all
this locked inside. Surely my expression, when I looked
into the mirror, was much different than it had been before.
The defeated look was gone and my eyes sparkled with
confidence.
The chain of events that changed my whole life, as my
uncle had prophesied, began when I met a girl named
Margie. We had worked together before and we became
friends now, also spending our free time together. From
the way she talked, it seemed to me that Margie's second
home was Oldtown. This was the area of Chicago where
all the hippies lived and had fun. I had never seen hippies
before and I did not know what they were. In fact, I did
not have much of an idea what was going on the world. I
did not know about the Vietnamese war, or LSD, or any
of these things.
My mother had once tried to tell me about drugs, and
all of these contemporary problems. She was very much
in touch with what was going on, but I really did not care.
It would go in one ear and out the other. As a result, I mis­
takenly believed that the drug LSD was a group of people.
I went to work at a restaurant and I went home, and I
went out with my friends. That was my life. I never watched
television, never read the newspapers, and I couldn't care
less for the radio. The only entertainment I had at home
were the records I played and the gothic novels I occasion­
ally read.
Margie was always trying to tell me about the be-ins
and love-ins, and all the great things they had in Oldtown.
She wouldn't let me be, until I agreed to go with her one
day. So the night came when she and her boyfriend picked
me up after work. In Oldtown I noticed that a lot of people
had beards and long hair, and I already knew that this was
367
the style in bands and singing groups. To me it was very
acceptable. It was fine, if that was the way they wanted to
look. I did not think of them as being different. On Venus
we accept people as they are and respect their appearance
and clothing as a pait of the personality.
That evening I wore my cowgirl outfit from Nevada tight jeans, boots, cowboy jacket, and cowboy hat. I was
always dressing in a special way, but it did not seem strange
to me; it was just the way I felt like dressing. And only in
Oldtown did I feel the least self-conscious. It was exciting.
I was most impressed by the fact that I could be free there;
I could dress the way I wanted to, and I wasn't ridiculed.
Instead, people in Oldtown seemed to appreciate strange
ways of dressing.
I first saw him while we were trying to find a parking
spot. "Look at that guy, Margie", I exclaimed, pointing
ahead. "He looks like he must be a dancer, the way he
walks". Right away I had noticed him, walking across the
street in a big black cape, looking strikingly like Hercules
with his bushy hair and beard. And he was so tall, walked
so gracefully that I was sure he was a dancer. For some
unexplained reason I was attracted to this man. I just had
a strong feeling that I would one day know him, but when?
Deep inside I sensed the unmistakable presence of destiny.
I still carried the toy airgun which I had found laying on
the sidewalk after I had stopped by my apartment to change
clothes. This plastic thing made a hell of a noise but I was
happy as a child playing with my new toy.
Being impulsive and loving to watch people react, I
began to shoot at the people with my air rifle, and they
would pretend falling dead on the sidewalk! That was fun.
Everybody seemed to make a big game of it. Jt was com­
mon to have street theater.
368
As the time went on, I grew bolder and bolder. When
I shot at a cab driver, he yelled out the window: "What is
this, open season on cab drivers?" It was thrilling yet
unusual to see how friendly everyone was. But what I did
not know was that they were all wrapped up in the Viet­
namese war and the hippie/police conflict. I just intended
it as a joke.
Then I pointed at a police car and shot. That was a mis­
take. In an instant they had pulled over and jumped out.
Asking my name they pulled the gun from me, checking
it out, then returned it. What could they do? It was just a
toy gun.
"If I were you, I wouldn't point that at policemen", the
officer warned.
"Why?" I did not know that the hippies and the police
had been battling. They must have thought I was just a
smart disrespectful hippie girl.
Margie and I invented a game where J would chase her
down the street, screaming, "You no-good son of a bitch!
I'll get you for that!" And we would stop right in front of
a restaurant with a big plate glass window, where I would
shoot her dead on the sidewalk.
Margie was really a fantastic actress. She could scream
with pain and stagger to the ground so realistically that the
people would come running out every single time to see
what had happened. Then, of course, she would jump up
laughing. The police would appear, too. We were having
so much fun, we did not think of the shock that we created.
Margie and I were just leaving one of the alleys in Old­
town lined with small shops, when the intriguing guy in
the black cape walked right past me down the sidewalk. I
recognized him immediately.
He was not like all the others, for when I shot at him he
just kept walking.
369
Then I got an idea. I ducked into an alley way and shot
at him as he passed. He ignored us! "Hey" I called, "I shot
you!" He stopped and turned around. "Why didn't you
react?" I asked. "I don't believe in violence" he said."Well,
neither do I" I defended myself. "It is only a toy!" - "It
represents the real item" he replied. "Well, I am sorry if I
offended you" I apologized. "Don't worry" he said. "Would
you come to join me for tea?" he asked. I said "yes, thank
you" knowing I had never drank tea except in Tibet!
He said his name was Stanley. He lived nearby. He
explained that his family was Jewish but atheist, not believ­
ing in God. I told him about my family and where l worked.
We parted and he said he would come for coffee where I
worked.
Stan was also surprised to see his cousin Kenny was
there. I knew Kenny. He came in often and had just asked
me out when Stan came in! How interesting, I knew Stan's
cousin first, but he had asked me out the very night I had
a date with Stan! There must be some connection to this
family! Only time would tell.
He was very interested in my ideas because they were
unusual, not college-born, so we had an attraction for each
other right away. Together we walked to my apartment.
I unlocked the door and flipped on the lights. Stan just
stood there, staring. I did not realize I almost threw him into
a state of shock because he had been smoking marijuana
earlier. I had never taken drugs before and did not have
any friend who did - my consciousness just was not there.
But I suppose it just blew his mind, as they say, to see the
flashing lights in my apartment.
Overhead were red and blue blinking lights, over in the
comer was a yellow blinking light, and on the shelf was a
little blinking light box. The yellow light was from one of
those street barricades. A few weeks ago I had dragged it
370
up the stairs, fearful of being caught in the act. But I liked
it so much that I felt it just belonged in my apartment.
Stan could not believe it, the combination of all those
lights, I suppose it had a powerful effect on him, because
he just stared through the doorway for awhile. Then he
laughed. "What's so funny?" "Oh, nothing", be said, chuck­
ling, "I just couldn't believe you were the type to have these
kinds oflights and everything". I was perplexed. "What do
you mean, the type?" "Well, I'll explain it to you later. As
a matter of fact, I've set up part ofa collage at home, like a
light machine. I'll have to show it to you sometime." "Yes,
that sounds interesting. What's a light machine?" "Well, it's
just a combination oflights and different things that makes
patterns, that throws different patterns out and makes nice
designs and colors". "That's interesting. I'd like that". Stan
glanced around. "Look at your place. You almost have it
yourself. It just blew my mind".
Returning from the bathroom, I was just shocked
speechless, as if l had been hit by a ton of bricks. I did not
know what to do. Lying on my couch bed, which I hadn't
bothered to make up, was Stan ... stark naked! Big sixfoot-four Stan was all sprawled out completely naked and
looking very much at ease, and not hiding what he really
wanted.
I was used to the standard procedure of boys taking me
to dinner, or taking me places, and buttering me up before
they would try to make a pass at me. Stan was just so
honest that it shocked me. Even though I had had many
boyfriends and was not an inexperienced girl, I was still a
little prudish. I was reluctant to undress. It may sound
strange, but that's the way it was and still is.
When I saw Stan stretched out on the bed like that, I
did not know whether to run, or to act like I hadn't seen
anything, or what. I did not want to embarrass him, or act
371
like I was shocked, because I was the one who invited him
up to the apartment; and whatever happened was my own
fault, my own consequence. This is how I felt at that time.
I acted as if this was an everyday thing. I took off my
clothes down to bra and panties and sat down on the side
of the bed. I tried to be casual and cool.
T talked to Stanley as if he was my long-lost brother,
telling him all about my baby, and the rough life I had had
with C.L. and Pedro. I know that this sounds strange, to
tell a stranger all of this. But somehow I felt that Stan and I
belonged together. I just knew it. I wanted honesty between
us; I wanted him to know all about me, so that right there
in the beginning he could make up his mind. I did not want
to give him the impression that I was something I really
was not. Later the truth would be harder to tell. So I sat
there and told him all about coming here when I was seven,
and some of the highlights of my life here and on Venus.
I was sitting there in my underwear telling him all these
things until five in the morning! I was talking, not knowing
what else to do. All of a sudden he spoke up. "You talk
too much", and pulled me into bed. I could hardly believe
it, but Stanley turned out to be the first person I had ever
relaxed with. He was so natural and free.
I had not had sexual relations with anyone willingly
before Stan. l always felt that if I aroused a boyfriend then
they should have some kind of release.
But Stan was different. I felt comfortable and safe, and
I was not afraid of him. He was so gentle and so kind, and
yet at the same time there was his strength.
Making love with him was beautiful, perhaps because
he aroused me first, took the time to make me feel good.
Most of my experience with boys had been meaningless, I
realized, because they were always thinking only of them­
selves. Stan was considerate.
372
In a way, we both knew, even though it was the strangest
feeling we had ever had, that we belonged together. And it
was just love, real love. It was not a possessive love, and
we just kept it that way. Two Souls having shared love
during so many lifetimes before had come together again.
373
Chapter 8
The Girl from Venus
{Defore I met Stanley I had always searched for
happiness, and when I had it and was about to clasp
it to my bosom in gratitude, it was gone like sand dripping
away through my fingers. In my whole life I had never
really had the kind of love I wanted. This time I felt that
our love was going to last.
I told Margie that Stanley and I were going to be married.
Not knowing whether she would understand, I could not
tell her we would just be living together, for at this time
concubinage wasn't accepted socially.
The first night when Stanley surprised me by walking
into the restaurant where J worked, people were shocked.
They just were not prepared to see a hippie, with a big bush
of hair and a beard, and a flower tucked behind his ear, and
the way he dressed - a11 this just simply didn't match their
concept of a tidy student.
These Jewish middle class people had neat categories
for people, and Stanley fit into the hippie category. I had
never felt that way. A beard, or however a person dressed
never made any difference to me, because individuality
was a part of our culture on Venus.
The people at the restaurant finally got used to Stan­
ley, after seeing enough of his beads and long hair. But my
mother never quite got over the shock. Every day she
called to tell me how horrible Stanley was, that she could
not stand him, that he was up to no good, and that he was
VJ
374
going to min me. Part of her problem was that she feared
I would start doing all these things she had read about,
getting involved with heavy drugs.
My mother finally agreed to do me the favor of getting
to know Stanley. We arranged to meet her the next time
she took JoJo to the doctor, whose office happened to be a
few blocks from our house. The meeting was a success!
Was I surprised to see the two of them discovering all the
interests they shared! Stanley was studying meditation at
the time and told Donna all about it, even gave her a book
on Maharishi Yoga. She on the other hand had been study­
ing Rosicmcian teachings, so they really got to talking and
I could tell that she liked him. Mom and Stanley got along
very well.
The next day she called and told me just that, how much
she liked him, and that she was terribly sorry about all the
things she had said before. Now that she really knew him
as a person, she found him to be a beautiful being. That
made life a lot easier for me, too.
Very few people were living together seriously, as Stan­
ley and I. Most of the hippies lived in groups and switched
partners all the time, and some of them got hung up in drugs
really badly. Stanley and J never got trapped in heavy drugs,
mostly because l had flatly told him I would not stand for it.
One night, Stanley asked ifI would like some pot. J did
not know what that was, I told him. He explained mari­
juana, that people smoked it, and that it was not danger­
ous. I asked what acid was, and then I finally learned that
LSD was not a group of people. Somehow, when he was
explaining it, I had a strange feeling of fear and an inner
message. I came right out with what I thought.
"Stanley, there's one thing you are going to have to
promise me if we are going to live together, you won't take
any more acid. I don't want to hold it over your head,
375
I just want it out in the open now because I believe that
it is dangerous for you, especially if you are an artist and
a very sensitive person, I don't think you should take it."
We talked it over and he wasn't too sure about it, but
he sort of understood what I was trying to tell him. Stan­
ley responded that I really didn't understand LSD. "Well,
maybe I don't", I said, and we dropped it there.
I found out that smoking pot brought out the childlike
quality lurking ever near the surface of man. And yet I did
not care for it as much as I saw so many others care and
ever depend on it. It was fun to get stoned at times, but I
was careful not to get caught in the habit.
It disturbed me to have the world look distorted; I liked
to be in control of myself. Smoking marijuana got us totally
involved in the ordinary patterns and colors and things
around us. Our attention was totally absorbed by what we
were doing, and in that way we became children.
The one thing that bothered me about the hippie scene
was their hang-up on war; they put too much attention on
trying to change society. Trying to change the world did
not make sense to me because I knew that the physical
universe will always be a warring universe, being the low­
est plane. And change always arises from the inner of man,
not through changing the outer conditions.
Stanley lived in a little green stucco house. The place
was awfully messy inside, but of course he was a bachelor
and I did not expect much from him. I took it upon myself
to clean up his house, which was really a mess. I was hop­
ing he would not be offended, but Stanley liked the idea. A
couple of hours later the apartment was looking neat: One
room became our bedroom. I persuaded Stanley to move
the top mattress of his bed there; the bottom part of the
bed was our living room couch. Placing a table top upon a
large, old trunk, and a truck seat and record player case
376
at either end, our dining room set was complete. Stanley
and I mutually decided that I would work while he stayed
home to do his art. I would support the family until he got
on his feet with his art. This was the pattern we started our
lives with.
Up to this point I had never really understood abstract
a1t, and I never tried to. But when Stanley started showing
me his work and explained what it meant, it made sense,
and it was truly beautiful.
I suppose that when you are in love with someone there
is a difference, you will be interested in things that he is
interested in. Stanley started dragging out his paintings, and
I began to see things in them - love, hate, anger,joy, what­
ever he must have been feeling when he painted them. Even
though there was nothing but colors, I could understand.
Stanley began showing me a lot of the good things in life,
cultural things that I had never been exposed to here on
Earth. I learned that Stanley was a very well-read person,
who enjoyed many forms of art and music, especially clas­
sical music and folk songs.
I found his habit of drinking herb tea delightful. After
all these years of being subjected to the worst foods of the
American people, I had to learn a good deal about good
nutrition.
Stanley and I as well as the rest of the hippies in Old
Town had very little sense of time. We thought nothing of
staying out until five in the morning, walking around, visit­
ing friends, going to the lake to see the sunrise. Practically
every night we went to a nearby coffeehouse where all sorts
of interesting and creative people from the neighborhood
performed musically and poetically. Occasionally Stanley
would have his art displayed here.
Before long, I had a reputation all over Old Town as the
girl from Venus, and people seemed to be constantly
377
taking me to introduce me to their friends. Stanley had told
a couple of friends about me, and the word had seemed to
spread overnight. In small groups I spoke about my life on
Venus, but only when I was asked. The reactions were
mixed-some of the hippies thought I was crazy, and others
were very receptive, but even to be considered crazy was
a cool thing for hippies.
One summer afternoon Stan and I came home and took
a shower to cool off from the June heat. The strangest thing
happened as we were starting to get dressed. I don't know
how it happened, and neither one of us can remember how
we ended up on our knees in the bathroom, facing each
other.
Stanley broke the silence. "Sheila, do you know what's
happening?"
"What?"
"This is our marriage ceremony."
"What do you mean?"
Stanley was smiling. "Don't you feel it?"
"Yeah, I really do feel something strange", I replied.
How did we get on our knees?"
"I don't know."
Obviously, we had made a spiritual ceremony that
seemed quite natural to both of us. It seemed to be des­
tiny. We embraced. That evening both of us were in Old
Town shopping for rings. Being very poor, we settled for
two rings made of woven reeds. We realized that we could
always get married later on, but the bond between us was
so strong and meaningful that a piece of paper just didn't
seem too important. Later Stanley realized that this day
had been the summer solstice, the longest day of summer.
Stanley had called his parents and told them about me,
he said, adding that he wanted me to meet them sometime
soon.
378
Stanley's mother telephoned us and arranged to pick us
up in the evening to take us to dinner at her house. I was a
bit nervous about meeting Clara, but the fact that Stanley
had already told her all about me made me feel more at
ease.
Clara was a very attractive woman. She and Stanley had
the same thick curling hair and deep-set eyes. Her square
face showed strength of character, and a lot of smile lines
and crinkles around the eyes suggested a keen sense of
humor. She smiled a lot and was one to make a person
at ease. However, she had a commanding air about her. I
sensed that Clara was a very deep and personal woman, As
she spoke, I could tell she was a brilliant woman, someone
who expected honesty and admired strength. I liked her
from the start.
The house was crowded with people, which was not
unusual, Stanley explained. Clara and Hans's (his stepfa­
ther from Germany) house was always open; people were
always running in and out. Clara was laughing about this.
"Yes, I guess I'm young at heart." Everyone loudly agreed.
It showed she was popular among the young people. Din­
ner was delicious. Clara and Hans were excellent hosts,
and of course Clara asked one question after another about myself and my family, but I did not mind answering
because she did seem sincerely interested.
Clara's first impression of me may have been a little
bewildering, because I had just returned from a modeling
job and was wearing my leopard-print jumpsuit with big
hoop earrings and a snake bracelet on my arm, sandals and
my hair in pony tails.
Later in the evening Clara mentioned that I must be some
kind of wild go-go dancer out to get her son. "Well Clara",
I replied, "did you ever think that your son might be a little
wild-looking too? You should hear how my mother feels
379
about him." She laughed. "You don't think your own child
is wild - you get used to him. And then they look wilder
than anyone else. You know, he called me and said he was
in love with you. For the first time in his life he was really
in love. And I thought he was crazy, him being twenty-three
and you only eighteen."
"I may be young, Clara, I said, "But I had to grow up
awfully fast." As our conversation went on, I began to like
Clara more and more. Just as I thought, she had a fantastic
sense of humor and was very warm and outgoing.
Stanley had two younger siblings, brother and sister.
The whole family was very closely knit, and of course
very well-to-do because Hans owned a famous candy fac­
tory, Chris Candy. As a matter of fact, President Kennedy
ordered Hans' chocolates for the White House because he
loved their exquisite taste.
Later on when I met his uncles and aunts, I found out
that I had been waiting on these people for months - they
had been customers at the restaurant ever since I worked
there. Here I had been nervous about meeting Stanley's
relatives.
The only thing that bothered me about Stanley was
that he smoked pot all the time. He was smoking his way
through two or three nickel bags each week. I finally dis­
covered to my dismay that nickel bags did not cost five
cents each, but five dollars. That was mighty expensive on
our slim budget. Stanley was relying more and more on the
stuff to do his art and to make love.
Times got worse. I was supporting Stanley and working,
which I did not mind doing, but the problem came up again
that he began withdrawing into himself. Mostly it had to
do with him not doing anything, it seemed to me.
It did get to be a bother because Stanley stopped respond­
ing to me; he wouldn't even talk to me, or make love. It
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was just as ifl wasn't there, as ifl didn't exist, and it drove
me crazy. I was supporting him and I did want some love,
I did want something in return for what I was giving him,
even if it was just him talking to me.
The few times that he did make a go at painting, he
would lock himself into the other room. He didn't want
me around.
I figured that I could be closer to him if I started paint­
ing too, which I did, and I enjoyed it very much. But that
dido't help Stanley; he just did not want to respond to
anything. For hours he would just lie on the bed, silent. I
spoke to Clara and found out that Stanley had a deep seated
emotional problem and had been hospitalized for several
months. It seemed to be a recurring problem.
Finally it became so disturbing that I could not take any
more. It hurt me too much to be ignored. "Stanley, when
you were sick before, your mother took you and put you
in a hospital, had you taken care of like a child. But I'm
not going to do that because I'm not your mother. I don't
like this nonsense you're going through. It isn't necessary
for you to act this way."
I flatly told Stanley I was leaving him. I didn't mind
supporting him, but I did want some love, a person who
responded to me. And I wasn't going to give out all my
love to someone who gave nothing in return.
I threw my clothes into a suitcase and headed for the
door. Finally he reacted. As I opened the door, he jumped
up and grabbed me by the arm, slinging me back into the
room. I landed on my behind.
"You're not going anywhere!" Stanley ordered. Then he
sat down and started talking, which made me so happy that
I didn't care about my bruised bottom.
"Well, perhaps you should get a job," I suggested.
"No, I'll start doing my paintings."
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"OK, fine", I agreed. But it was not too long afterwards
when fate decided Stanley would indeed have to go to work.
On a Saturday afternoon I got off the underground train
close to home. Apparently I was the only one who got off
at that stop. A huge black guy who looked almost like a
football player raced down the stairs past me as I went up.
Then I heard him running back up behind me, but I took no
notice because it occurred to me that he may have forgot­
ten to get a transfer pass. The next thing I knew was that
a huge hand was over my mouth and another between my
legs from behind, and I wasn't even touching the ground
anymore! Words cannot describe the horrible feeling of
deathly fright at moments like this. Instinctively I bit his
hand. He smacked me violently and threw me to the cement
landing. With one thundering kick into my ribs, he dashed
up the stairs and out of the subway station.
Momentarily, a whole crowd of people made their way
down the stairs, one of them a black policeman. "Stop that
guy!" I said to him breathlessly. "He just attacked me." "I
can't help you now. I have to go to work", he answered,
continuing on his way to the trains. I was horrified! What
kind of a job does he have? What kind of a world is this?
With blood in my mouth and panties ripped, I staggered
up the stairs and down the street wondering what to do.
Almost in shock and very weak, I managed to stop a patrol
car with two officers inside. "I was just attacked. What can
I do?" "Well, there is nothing you can do unless you have
witnesses, people who saw it happen." That surely didn't
make sense to me. I just could not imagine people standing
around, watching for crimes to happen, so that they could
testify on court. The policemen did not even offer to drive
me home or to a doctor, just drove off and left me standing
there with blood running down my face and a terrible pain
in my ribs.
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Stanley was amazed and upset to hear how helpful the
police had been. When I showed him the ugly bruised spot
where my ribs were hurting so badly, he took me to see a
doctor immediately. The x-rays showed nothing really seri­
ous, only a couple of bruised ribs. Taping them, the doctors
ordered me not to return to work; I definitely needed a few
weeks rest.
So Stanley went out and amazed me by getting a job as
a delivery man for a commercial photographer.
I could well understand why Stanley was so reluctant
to work, at least one of the reasons. His new boss insisted
that either the beard had to go, or Stanley had to go. For
once, he decided to give in - the beard had to go. He took
his razor into the bathroom and locked the door. When
he walked out again, my mouth sagged open. Here I was
looking at this young face, this really young face! With
his beard, Stanley had looked about thirty. What a shock
to see him looking so young! Stanley had a slim jaw-line
and high cheekbones, and a dimple in his chin, and I never
realized how sensuous his mouth was, how pretty he was.
One of Stanley's problems, it seemed to me, was irre­
sponsibility. His mother had never let him be independent.
Stanley was her favorite child and during the time that he
was in college, she would send him money, which he would
spend on a motorcycle, for instance. Being the way she
was, Clara would send him more. Stanley had never stood
up on his own two feet, and when I met him this was what
I had to face. But I loved him so very much, and I could
see a beautiful person in him if he would just learn this
one lesson, this one problem that he had never mastered.
Another idea that was floating around, and had been
floating around for quite some time, was for me to have a
baby. Deep inside I felt the time had come. I thought it
might help Stanley assume responsibility because he really
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didn't have to care for me, but a chiId being dependent upon
him might change his attitude. So we sat down together
and talked about it. He seemed very happy about the idea,
and the decision was made.
Now that Stanley and I had been together for about two
years, we decided to save our money for a vacation in
Tennessee. I Stanley would be meeting my family for the
first time.
I was really happy to see them again! My father David
was a real family man, he and Peggy having to provide for
five children. He sometimes worked two jobs to make ends
meet! I found out that Peggy's new son was born in
October the same year as JoJo, which meant that he had an
uncle one month younger than him! Everyone in Tennessee
assumed JoJo was Mom's son. She had visited before and
of course told them he was her baby.
Sheila was the first of Dad's children and the only child
that Mom and he had. Over the years, he and Peggy had
procreated five children: Johnny Allen was their first-born
and a beautiful blonde blue-eyed boy, quite spoiled because
he was the first. Debra Jean was next. She was also blonde
and had hazel eyes. Then there was Michael Wayne. He was
real cute with a little darker complexion and dark golden
hair. He looked like Daddy. I called him my little prince.
Just before I left Tennessee at age fourteen, Glenda Sue
was born. She looked like a porcelain doll with brown
eyes and copper colored curls! She was the one I dressed
up and carried around before I left. So now I had a new
baby brother named Doyle Ray.
Dad's family was lively and they did not have much
money but a lot of love. Stan loved them and they loved
him. He was like a big gentle giant to them. Peggy and Dad
gave us their own bedroom and slept on the couch, and we
stayed for two weeks!
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One day, we went to visit Grandma. She told Stan that
I was the strangest child she had ever seen. She had raised
seven of her own and two grandchildren. She told him that
I asked such questions that she could not always answer
them but had made her think. She also said I was satis­
fied with what I received and never complained like other
children had. "She was like an old lady in a little body and
somewhat of an angel, she obeyed so well!" she said. She
said she was keeping my letters. They meant so much to
her "Thank you, Grandma!" I laughed as I hugged her and
told her I loved her. She loved Stan and called him her big
teddy bear! It was really wonderful to see her.
Shortly after returning to Chicago we learned that I was
pregnant! Stan was happy and thought it was ironic that I
had conceived our first child in my father's bed! I guess it
was symbolic!
Sometime later, we were in a restaurant in Old Town
and had met an astrologer. The man was talking to us about
astrology and Stanley was greatly interested in it at the
time, and had three books on the subject. I was very quiet
and just sitting there, with my eyes closed. I thought about
the ship that Stanley and I had seen the other night so close
that we had chased it with our motorcycle, hoping that we
could see it, by the water tower ... J felt drawn, for some
reason I had to find this ship, and I had seen it a couple
of times.
All of a sudden I received an inner message from my
uncle, and it said, "We've been trying to contact you. Your
father Deashar has been physically very ill since he's been
living in the physical world; he translated, and he was sorry
for the way he had treated you; he realized it was selfish
and that he was wrong in his attitudes, that he should have
spoken to you and met you, and embraced you as his own
child. Only his pride and his ego kept him from doing so.
385
He tried to contact you so that he would see you before he
died, but he failed. And he knew that it was his own Kanna
to suffer this way. Now that he finally wanted to see you,
it was impossible to reach you because he had refused to
see you so many times before. But he was sure that he
would see you on another plane of existence and sends his
love."
I started to cry and when Stanley asked: "Sheila, what's
wrong?" I told him word-for-word what I had heard.
I had told Stan of my origin and true home right from the
start. He was fascinated and did not doubt it for a minute. I
felt relieved to be able to openly talk to someone. So I had
been telling Stanley about my teachings, about the Laws of
the Supreme Deity, and I had pointed out to Stanley some
of our spiritual beliefs many times.
One of them which he particularly liked is a very simple
analogy about life and reincarnation. Man's life starts in
one point on a circle. He is helpless because he is a child,
and in a child's body. On his trip around the circle, which
represents life, he will grow and change as he has experi­
ences and lose a lot of his prejudices and attitudes, and if
he gets into different spiritual paths will grow till the time
comes for death when he reaches again the same point
where he had started at the end of the circle. Then he is
once again physically helpless, and very much like a
child, but if he reflects upon himself he will see that he is
a completely different person in his attitudes and in his
physical vehicle, that he is no longer the same person as he
started out to be, because he had changed so drastically in
his experiences of life. When he comes back in a physical
body for yet another lifetime, he starts where he left off in
that last life, that person, that personality, that attitude, and
gets into an environment that believes the same way as he
did in his last life.
386
I will never forget what happened a few weeks later.
Stan was going out the door to watch TV at friends. We
didn't have one. He was going to see the documentary
on Dr. Martin Luther King. "Tomorrow they march into
Alabama," he explained and I said without a moment's
hesitation: "Oh no. He shouldn't, he will be killed there."
- "What do you mean" he asked. I said: "I know the South
and they aren't ready for this. He will be killed!" - "Oh
Sheila, I don't think so!" he replied and left.
The next afternoon I had a doctor's appointment for a
check-up. I was in his office all the time reading magazines.
On my way home, I saw policemen blocking all the inter­
sections and crowds everywhere. What was happening?
I got off the bus. We lived in a racially mixed poor area.
l was walking toward my house when I was thrown to the
ground by a policeman, just as a brick flew over my head
and broke a store's front window.
"Sorry Ma'am" he apologized, "but I knew you didn't
see that brick coming." - "Oh my God" I scrambled to my
feet with his help. "What is wrong?" - "There are street
battles everywhere because Dr. Martin Luther King was
killed." - "How?" I asked. "It seems a white man did it,
but I do not know for sure." He walked me home to protect
me. "You better remain indoors" he said at my doorstep.
"Thank you!" I replied.
I walked in. The windows were broken and the doors
open. Stan stood there with a pale face. "Oh my God." He
grabbed me. "I was afraid you were hurt. I can't believe
this is happening!" he said. "You were right with what you
said yesterday!" he said quietly. "How could you know?
he asked. My simple answer was "I just felt that it would
happen."
It hurt me to see how the people were reacting to this
terrible crime. They were only making it worse! Martin
387
Luther King was trying to teach love and his death had
unleashed violence. That is a crime! It seems that humans
haven't learned to pull themselves out of tragedy with dig­
nity and grace yet!
It seemed there were a lot of people hurt in Chicago and
destruction was great in many of the large cities in America
in predominantly black areas. The black people felt lost
without their great leader. Instead of standing strong in his
memory they sank in a desperation and many militant
groups emerged taking them in a more violent direction,
preying on their weakness and sorrow.
We had to move from Old Town because of urban renewal
as it was called. So we were relocated to another place rent paid! This was of course a blessing to us because we
were poor by most economic standards. Although I never
knew it I thought we were doing well. So we moved to the
South Side of Chicago, close to the beach. I loved the area,
but now I had to cross the whole city each time I had an
appointment with the doctor.
We still had the motorcycle and would visit Stan's par­
ents. His mother Clara was horrified because I was five
months pregnant. She made Stan feel so guilty that he
finally traded it for a black 1969 Volkswagen beetle. I loved
it, it was a cute little car.
We had received so many gifts already from Stan's fam­
ily. They were paying all the bills from the doctor and the
hospital as well. Our baby would have all it needed. Mom
had assured me I was going to have a girl and I believe she
felt it. I was so happy that it did not make a difference and
I did not seek to find out. During my pregnancy, Stan and
I often would bring JoJo to our house for weekends. He
was so cute at almost three and we would go to the beach
and he loved Stan's pancakes. Stan would cut the pancakes
into small squares to make it easy for him to eat. I loved
388
to see how Stanley treated JoJo. I was sure he would be a
wonderful father. After taking him home, Mom called and
asked how to cut JoJo's pancakes as he insisted he wanted
them in little squares like Stan cut them. We explained and
had a good laugh!
Just before the baby came we went to a big celebration
with Clara and I loved to dress up in a red velvet dress and
white lace collar which she had given me as a gift. After
we got home around eleven o'clock - I was getting ready
for bed and was in the kitchen - my water broke. I called
Stanley and he swung me off my feet, grabbed my already
packed bag and we were off to the hospital. I was half
excited and half afraid. Stan was nervous but trying to
reassure me that all was going to be fine, but also curs­ ing
everyone for not moving out of his way. I laughed: "Stan,
we are driving a Volkswagen. No one in America takes
them seriously. They look like big toys." He laughed:
"Yeah, you're right. Remember when I had trouble with
the motor. I pulled over and opened the back to look and a
man slowed down. I thought he would offer to help.
Instead he rolled down the window of his car and yelled:
'What's wrong? Did the rubber band break?' Because Stan
is so tall, he made the car even look smaller. We laughed
at the memory.
Finally we arrived at the hospital and I was wheeled by
wheel chair (they won't let you walk!) into the labor ward.
Stan was with me holding my hand. The pains were very
strong but again I wasn't dilating enough. So I received a
shot to dilate me. But it wasn't as painful as during JoJo's
birth. Then things started to happen very fast and before
they cut the cord they laid my baby girl on my chest so I
could see her! She looked sort of like a wet sticky puppy.
When they brought her to me in my room and I couldn't
believe she was mine. She had little blue slanted eyes and
389
a head full of jet black hair about two inches long - a lot
of hair for a new born. The nurses were crazy about her
and had combed her hair up into a point. My eyes filled
with tears. She was perfect. Stan was glowing with pride.
We called her Tobea Lynn. She weighed eight pounds
four ounces. "Thank you, God, for my tiny precious little
angle!" I sighed as I dozed off to sleep.
At first, Tobi looked very oriental with her black hair
and slanted eyes, unlike myself or Stan. People often asked
"Whose baby is this?" I being very proud would answer
much to their surprise "Why? She belongs to me!".
Later, when she began to eat with spoons or forks at
about two years old, she would do something peculiar.
She would tum the fork or spoon and eat with the part you
hold. I asked her why she wanted to eat this way - she
was two at the time. She explained that is how sher
bers that she used to eat. "When?" I asked. "Before I was
your little girl." "What did yon )oak like?" I also asked.
She looked at me and her grandmother. "Not like you and_
not like grandma." This sparked my curiosity, so I began
to search through magazines and asked her to show me
how she looked before. Finally in a National Geographic
magazine she pointed to a Geisha and exclaimed: "That's
how J looked!" Wow, I thought, this is interesting. "Do you
miss those times and those clothes?" I asked. "Yes", she
answered. Then I bought her Japanese robes, sandals and
chop sticks. She loved them, until one day while playing
with a friend she ran to me and announced: "Jam ready to
be your little girl now. I don't need these robes and things
from before."
Children as Soul have much past experiences that are
overridden by the rigid learning process here, because
many parents lack the knowledge how to help these Souls
in their new life to keep the awareness of their previous
390
existence within their consciousness. Therefore their edu­
cation is only limited to their physical surroundings.
If you observe a child as an aware Soul from the time
of their birth, it is a good beginning. Also be aware of the
individual talents the child may have or the way they
behave, such as eating habits, playing, choices of toys or
what they enjoy doing. It may give you a few hints as to
their previous incarnations.
391
Chapter 9
Reencountering my spiritual teachings
C:hortly after Tobi was born, I went to visit my mother
QJ and we sat down with some wine talking about spiri­
tual beliefs. She was into Rosicrucians and while I was
listening to her, I received the inner message that I should
talk about myself. "Mom, I've been wanting to tell you
something for a long time, and I think the time has come.
But I don't know how to explain this to you. You'll think
I'm crazy," I said hesitantly. "Well, go ahead. Tell me
what's on your mind," she answered, "I know that you are
a smart young woman. You're not crazy." "Well, I'm not
really your daughter. When she was seven years old,
Sheila was in a bus accident on her way to Grandma. She
died and I took her place."
I told her that I was from the planet Venus and that I
had been sent here for a great mission and to work on our
mutual Karma. I explained to her my relationship with
Sheila in another lifetime. I did not go into any details on
my life on Venus, just that I had grown to love her very
much because I had lost my Venusian mother when I was
born. I felt the need to talk to her now so that in the future
when the truth was revealed, she would not be shocked or
hurt by the fact that I hadn't told her. I said, "I've never got
a chance to really talk to you and tell you these things,
because our life has been so full of violence and so hectic
and I didn't know how you would accept it. But now I've
seen that you got into some sort of spiritual teaching, you
392
might have a deeper understanding of what Jam trying to
say."
She said, "Yes, I know what you mean. I know what
you're talking about, Sheila, because I noticed that there
was a difference in you and Sheila. But at the same time I
couldn't admit it to my consciousness because of the fact
that I loved you so much and that Sheila was the only thing
that I had. To tell myself that you were something that you
weren't was very difficult for me, but now that we've got
it out in the open, I'm very happy and I love you just as
much anyway, and you're still just as much my daughter
as she'll ever be."
We embraced and cried. After that my mother and I
went out shopping as we always did and bought things
that Stanley did not approve of because he was into health
food, like chocolates, milk shakes and stuff. We came back
home and ate, and I left as usual before Pedro would get
back. So I went home very excited and told Stanley about
what had happened. He was intrigued about this and very
happy for me.
When I had met Stanley, he was an atheist like his
mother. Clara was from Israel and rejected the Orthodox
Jewish concept ofa God that decided if you were not Jew­
ish you were considered equal to cattle. This sent her into
Atheism and on a quest to support equal racial rights in
which she was very active. She was among the found­ ers
of the first Peace Museum in Chicago. We had many
conversations about spiritual topics and she could better
accept what I explained about God being the Energy Source
of all creation.
When she died in 1997 Stanley was holding her hand.
She was afraid that she would no longer exist after death.
Stan promised her that life would go on afterwards. Imme­
diately after she had taken her last breath and closed her
393
eyes she appeared to him and whispered: "You were right
Stan, l'm still here."
Stanley had tried several new ways, but for me they all
lacked the truth of the teachings I had known on Venus. I
got sort of tired of following him through his different inter­
ests like Buddhism, meditation, astrology, Edgar Cayce and
some other esoteric teachings. I know that on Earth there
have to be many different teachings because of the many
levels of consciousness. Those Souls who are read but have
not yet discovered the tr1:!,_e teac mg, eventually learn that
the reli ions occult paths.. philQs_ophie yogas, and
oJ_ r spiritual path ar._e he,.r.e as, stepp.i.ng_s!.ru),es that will
eventually lead them to th tru _sr.iritual teaching.
After finding a book about Paul Twitchell, Stanley was
once again convinced he had found my teachings, but when
he told me about "Eckankar", I was not very interested,
because he changed his spiritual preferences quite often.
So I went to hear a lecture by Paul Twitchell, only because
Stanley begged me to come. I had to take Tobi, who was
just a toddler, and when she fell asleep I wrapped her in a
blanket and put her under the table in the back of the room
where the books were sold. She was just able to crawl and
had the habit of untying people's shoes. I did not want her
to disturb the audience when she woke up, so my attention
was more on her than on the speaker in front. Not a word
of what he said actually reached me.
When the lecture was over, Paul walked directly over to
me, even though there were quite a few people who wanted
to talk to him. He asked me ifhe could speak to me alone.
Did he notice that I did not pay attention? I thought with a
bit of a bad conscience.
We went to his hotel room for privacy. I didn't know
what to think when he smiled and asked me to sit. "I know
who you really are", he said, "your real name is Omnec
394
Onec and you come from Venus." I was speechless with
surprise. "I have been studying in a monastery in Tibet for
15 years, receiving my initiations and getting permission
to establish these ancient teachings in America. In Tibet,
Rebazar Tarzs was one ofmy Masters. One time, he took
me on a Soul Journey to Retz and to Teutonia. He pointed
to you, a small girl at that time, and told me to remember
you, as we were going to meet in the future. You would
be playing an important role in helping me to establish the
teachings." He explained his work in the States, writ­ ing
books, sending out discourses by mail for home study,
giving lectures and founding places where people could
gather to study and meditate together.
At first, I felt so ashamed for not listening to his lecture.
But when he asked for my assistance in his work, l gladly
promised to do whatever I could, having the baby to look
after and working as a waitress. When l told Stanley, he
was as excited about this as I was.
However, we discovered that we had to have several
initiations by Paul in order to work for his organisation.
He told us that this was necessary in the physical world as
a spiritual preparation for doing spiritual work.
Paul Twitchell was the first modem-day Mahanta or
Living Master in the Western world. It means he has
received the rod of power passed from the Ascended Mas­
ters to the chosen person. These teachings were to be taught
by a living teacher familiar to the time and conditions of
the people being taught.
The Ancient Teachings are the original truths that are
the basis for all creation. They are the teachings of all
advanced beings, physical and otherwise. Originally the
Venusians were chosen to be the protectors of the truth, as
they remained in harmony without any separation of their
basic spiritual concepts. They also brought the Ancient
395
Teachings here when Ea1th was colonized by the first physi­
cal people.
Later, the teachings were hidden for protection from
manipulation by the controlling forces that ruled Earth after
the fall of Atlantis. This was before the birth of Christ.
Later, Christ began to study in Tibet under the guidance of
Fubbi Quantz, an Ascended Master who lived in a physical
body at that time.
Paul Twitchell began to make these teachings publicly
known in 1965 to rise the consciousness of people on Earth.
This has been the goal ofall Masters while on Earth and of
course the forefathers of Earth people. At first, we had small
meetings at our apartment for studying and meditating the
Ancient Teachings. More and more interested people joined
our group and finally we opened a small store front. Tt
served as a meeting place for those who were interested
could receive information and read or buy books. I used it
one day a week to teach dancing to those who wished to
join the dance classes. We even choreographed and filmed
a group dance, which was shown at seminars. Then Paul
asked me to prepare a dance depicting the Journey of Soul
for a major event. Which I did very much nervous about
how it would be received by previously fundamental reli­
gious people! However, it was very successful.
Then Paul wanted us to be in charge of the Youth Group
of Eckankar. We held workshops on acting, music, art and
many other cultural topics that young people could paitici­
pate in during the seminars. Very soon we were very well
known in the Eckankar organization and we were travelling
all the time. Paul and his wife Gail became good friends.
They were very fond of Tobi, who spent more time in their
room than in ours at the hotels.
When Paul told me he wanted me to publicly share the
story about my origin I was very nervous. I should give my
396
first lecture to about 300 people. You could hear a pen drop
while I was speaking, the audience was really mesmerized
by what I told them. After hours of the seminars I would
sit in the hotel lobby and answer questions.
Paul asked me to write a book about my mission here on
Earth and promised to publish it. At night, when everybody
was sleeping, I would speak into a tape recorder. Later
Rainer, a young man I had met in Eckankar, who volun­
teered to help me, would type it and ask questions later. He
also organized an interview with a local radio station for
me. The reporter was very open-minded, people phoned
in and a crowd stood waiting outside to see me afterwards.
And I received big sacks of mail. I had letters from all over
the world, it was unbelievable. So we made cassettes of
this interview and sold them through the mail for $5. This
is how Wendelle Stevens, a retired air force colonel and
well known UFO researcher heard about me.
Stanley's mother Clara also heard the interview in the
radio. She belonged to the Mensa Club, which is a group
of people with a very high IQ. She called me to tell that
they were discussing the possibilities and the logic of what
I had said. She was so proud that she told them that I was
her daughter-in-law.
After the radio show I was asked to appear on a local
talk show. The TV show was horrible. It was called the
Dave Baum Show on Channel 32. He had a small skit,
making fun of and belittling aliens. It was a short play some
students or young actors did before the show. He was out
to ridicule me. He was pacing back and forth, asking all
kinds of questions. "Where is your birth certificate?" and
things like that. Finally he said: "Do something to prove
that you are from Venus."
Calmly I said: 'Tm here to share information, I'm not an
entertainer. This is a waste of time and energy that I have
397
to defend myselflike I'm in court. It is like you had never
been to Africa and had an African here. Instead of asking
interesting things about their culture, you do like they don't
exist. I'd rather discontinue this interview, because I don't
want to get into a conflict. It is beneath my dignity to be
treated this way." Then I got up and walked off the show.
He lost his job for treating me this way.
The producers were apologizing and all my friends con­
gratulated me for my courage, but it was a shock for me. It
was the first time that somebody tried to ridicule me, and
I had to learn how to deal with that.
One day, Stanley decided to attend the Woodstock Fes­
tival, a small town not far from Chicago. I had been to
many love-ins at various parks in Chicago, where all the
hippies would bring musical instruments, blankets, food,
wine and dress outrageously. Some of them painted peace
signs on their faces and everyone wore flowers and beads.
They would spend all day until late at night singing, playing
music and making friends. It was always interesting with
a real nice loving atmosphere.
Melitta our landlady lived downstairs and Stan and I in
the upstairs apartment. Melitta loved Tobi as if she was her
own child and she was glad to babysit, so that Stan and I
could go to the festival.
Stanley told me that Woodstock would be the biggest
love-in and the blast of the century because many famous
bands and folk singers would perform. Well, it was not like
all the be-ins and love-ins I had been to. There were about
20 acres of land with a stage and sound system set up. It
was part of a farm and permission had been given by the
owner. People came from all over America! There were
thousands of wild people.
We had brought food and sleeping bags. You could
barely find room to sit down and spread your blanket. There
398
were portable toilets, thank god! The music was good, I
remember that Jimi Hendrix played a song about Sheila. I
knew it did not mean me, but it was interesting and I felt
important to Stanley. I did not walk around like I usually
did for fear of getting lost. People were drunk, high and
whatever. Some were naked, running around with painted
bodies and beads. Some had sex in the open! There was
pure abandon of any kind of nonnal morals.
Anything goes seemed to be the motto, except for me
and a few other not so freaked-out Souls. Stan wanted to
stay the whole three days or so. He loved to get high. I told
him that I would only stay that day and night - so he could
sober up and then I wanted to leave because it was too wild
for me.
Even strange guys would ask me if I'd like to ball.
"What was that?" I asked Stan. He told me that it was a
hippie term for sex. My goodness, I thought, how can these
strange men ask me such personal things in such a way!
Stanley thought it was funny, but I did not! I did not sleep
much because the party never ended. Music and everything
continued all night, with people tripping in more ways than
one. They stumbled over our blanket and sleeping bags,
apologizing and saying peace and love. Always offering
joints, wine and beer that was spilling as they danced and
stumbled around. I do not know how Stan slept unless it
was wine and pot.
When it became Iight, I was ready to leave. Some people
were passed out in heaps it seemed to me. Stan agreed and
it took us two hours to find our motorcycle. Empty wine
bottles and beer cans everywhere and people grabbing us
to dance, hug or whatever. It was more than I was prepared
for. I might look like a hippie but I could not really fit into
such a way of living. However it was certainly unforget­
table!
399
One day I recognized that I was pregnant again. I con­
tinued my work for Eckankar as long as possible; but I
gave up my dancing performances as I was too pregnant to
perfonn live. Instead, together with Stanley's brother Mark
I created a film with various locations depicting spiritual
dimensions. Mark created this film as a project for the
Columbia College film-making school he attended. The
film was then used at all Eckankar seminars.
Even though I was pregnant we moved to Indiana,
because Stan had found a job there. As I was to have the
baby at home with a special clinic (Planned Parenthood),
we arranged to have the baby at Blanche McLellan's apart­
ment in Chicago. She was an Eckankar friend about 60
years old. So that is where we went about a week before
the due date, however the baby had made other plans.
As the due date passed, I became bigger and bigger in
the stomach, I had to be helped to my feet. The rest of me
was the same, I looked like a potato with toothpick arms
and legs. The doctors assumed I had the wrong date of
conception, but I knew the baby was late. I was right, and
after taking castor oil which I was told could induce labor
I went into labor. The medical team came and spent their
whole shift with me while preparing everything they
needed. They covered everything with newspaper which
they explained was sterile because of the ink! Ink was
known to be a natural disinfectant.
Just before birth, they discovered that this was an unusu­
ally big child and moved me from the bed to the kitchen
table. I was having natural birth without drugs. Blanche
and Stanley were to assist by holding my legs, until Stan
began to feel sick and was dismissed to get air.
It was a boy, and he weighed more than 12 pounds!
They discovered that he was three weeks late, because the
afterbirth was dried out. If he had not come now, he would
400
not have had any food. We had decided to name him Zandar
Onath, an ancient Venusian name meaning "accomplish­
ment" or "prophecy fulfilled".
Zandar was looking like a 3 month old baby. I discovered
that the new-born diapers were too small as well as the infant
clothes I had bought for him. So we pinned a kitchen towel
on him and wrapped him in a blanket before we placed him
in a plastic laundry basket. I was crying because I had no
fitting clothes for my poor big baby. So we pinned a kitchen
towel on him and wrapped him in a blanket.
The head of the Planned Parenthood Organization was
a 90 year old woman. She climbed three flights of stairs to
see the biggest baby they ever delivered at a home delivery.
So she was impressed with Zandar, but a bit dismayed at
his lack of clothes and diapers. She left reassuring me that
she would make sure he received clothes and diapers or
pampers which were now new on the market. I was very
happy! So was Zandar- even ifhe couldn't express it yet!
Paul Twitchell saw Zandar for the first time, when he
was about three months old. Paul knelt down in front of the
baby who was in a little automatic swing and gazed into
his eyes as he was welcoming this Soul to Earth. When he
was ready to leave, he told me to take very special care
of Zandar as he is very special for the future of Earth and
more precious than gold!
After the birth ofZandar, I was pretty weak. To recuper­
ate, the time I was allowed to spend in Ithaka, New York, at
a big fann, helped me a lot. This farm belonged to Anja and
Frederick Fuss, very good friends of Paul Twitchell. Paul
gave strict directions to Anja "Feed her lots of steak and
liver and spinache, build her back up, help her with the baby
and help her work on the book". Anja and Frederick, who
was a linguist teaching at a college in lthaka, went through
the manuscript together with me and we developed it.
401
T
We were living a harmonious community life and many
Eckists went in and out. It was a little hippie-like, we grew
our vegetables, produced our own yoghurt and often we
danced and sang. Sometimes, we organized seminars here.
In 1971, Paul Twitchell suddenly died. I was incon­
solable, because I had no opportunity anymore to speak
out with him, because unfortunately there had been a
misunderstanding between us over an interview that had
appeared in a newspaper about me, making me look very
arrogant and selfish. I did not know about this article,
never had given the interview in the way it was printed
and demanded a co1Tection in writing. The lady reporter
agreed to send a letter to Paul who was very upset about
this. I was looking forward to meeting him at a seminar in
Ohio. But Paul had suddenly died, shortly before I arrived.
I was devastated that I did not have a chance to see him
a last time and clear this thing up between us. I was told
that he had left a cassette tape with a message for me, but
I never received it.
Instead, Paul appeared to me in my hotel room that day
and assured me of his support. He told me to adhere to my
message, not let myself be influenced by other people and
keep the teachings pure. He already foresaw the difficulties
in the organization because it now was part of the physical
and therefore subject to its rules. He assured me that he
would continue to support me from the higher realms. I had
to think of this conversation over and over again, because
with Paul's successor Darwin I did not get along well. I
felt that he didn't live up to his mission as the Mahanta.
He did not approve of all my participation and slowly I
became less active in the organization. After sending him
my manuscript to be published, he notified me that it would
not be published through Eckankar. It seemed that fate had
a different path in store for me.
402
Having met Paul had really changed my life on Earth for
good, but apparently it was not yet the right time to make
my mission known all over the world.
A few years later, I met Harold Klemp, who became the
new Mahanta, Living ECK Master in the year J 981. I got to
know him as a gentle, humble man. Since then, he is giving
the teachings of Eckankar• to the people in a modem way
keeping with cu1Tent developments.
Stan and I were living in Chicago again and enjoyed
living as a family very much. I was pregnant again with
twin boys, when one night Pedro came looking for JoJo.
My mother and he had separated and she was living in
Texas at that time, working and taking care of JoJo. But
as he was not allowed to enter school in Texas at the age
of 5 but could do so in Chicago, she had sent him to me.
I agreed let Pedro come and visit him. But after the first
time, JoJo was so upset and crying that I asked him not to
come again. I did not trust him and feared that he might
try to kidnap the child. So my mother came to take him
back to Texas.
The night she left, there was a knock on the door at three
in the morning. When I asked who it was, I heard a young
Spanish voice. Assuming that there was some emergency
with our Puerto Rican neighbors, I opened the door on the
chain, but it was Pedro and one of his sons from Mexico.
He kicked it open, rushed in and grabbed me by the hair,
threw me against the walJ holding a straight razor at my
throat. He would not believe me that JoJo was no longer
* Eckankar, a renowned American publisher and organization
(www.cckankar.org) which is continuously growing since the l970's
is publishing numerous books and discourses by Paul Twitchell and
Harold Klemp, the Mahanta, the Living ECK Master. The books are
available in bookstores, or in Europe directly from DAS GUTE BUCH
Verlagsanstalt (www.dasgutebuch.net) (publisher's comment)
403
there. In Spanish, he ordered his son to kill me. When I
tried to run from him he knocked me down and violently
kicked me in the stomach.
I screamed for Stanley who came running from the bed­
room, struggling with his robe because he always slept
naked. Pedro jumped on him and they fell to the floor. I
managed to get to the door to scream for help. By the time
the neighbors came out, Stanley had managed to throw
Pedro down the stairs, he being a big man and Pedro a
small one. He and his son ran out of the house, the sons of
our neighbors followed but could not find them in the dark.
Stanley had cuts on his arms from the razor and I was a
nervous wreck, when I noticed that I had blood all over me.
But it was not from a cut, I was losing my babies! I was
rushed to the hospital and lost one of them. It came out in
pieces, from the brutal way he had kicked me. The doctors
did not know what injuries the other might have and if it
could be saved. I told them that I did not want a baby that
might be damaged and decided to have an abo1tion. It was
dangerous because I was five months into the pregnancy.
I knew that abortion is not a.s.i.n-YOJ..L.&:annot kill a Soul.
And of course you can reject it, if there•
er for
you or
e c 1 _roug illness or whatev u hav Q
make the decision_if_y_ou_want to have this responsibility,
iryou are ready for it now. There is a connection to this Soul
and it will be returned to you somehow. Even if you cannot
have children of your own, this Soul will come to you by
family or friends and you will have a special con­ nection to
it. Then you will be able to give it the attention and love that
it needs.
In the following weeks, I was terrified. 1 never slept.
Every night I was afraid that Pedro would come back,
with every sound that I heard I thought it was him. We had
reported the attack to the police. But they never found him,
404
but arrested a man with the same name instead. The poor
guy was locked up in a prison cell for a night, until the
misunderstanding was cleared up in the morning - much
to the man's family's relief. Even though the police had
assured me, they would not arrest anyone until I identified
them first.
And on top of all this, there was another terrible incident.
Somebody put a bomb in the liquor store next door. I had
just turned away from the kitchen sink, getting a drink of
water in the middle of the night, when I heard a big explo­
sion. All the windows were blown out and our big oak
kitchen table flew across the room. It would have killed
me ifl had still been standing at the sink. The whole place
was full of glass, my ears were ringing from the sound and
I was in a panic. I did not know whether it was gas from
our stove or what had happened. Stanley grabbed Tobi and
Zandar and we ran outside, barefoot and in our nightgowns.
I was in a shock for days.
Then I fell very ill. I was passing out with my monthly
period and was throwing up and having diarrhea all the
time. At first, they thought it was appendicitis, but I had
developed a tumor in one of my ovaries. After the abor­
tion, some tissue of the pregnancy had been left inside me,
and that was now poisoning my body. I was in surgery for
eight hours to remove the tumor and the ovary. They also
had to remove the appendix. I was in surgery three hours
longer than expected and had to stay in the hospital almost
three weeks.
Meanwhile Tracey, my best girl friend who had two
children was keeping Zandar and Tobi, bringing them
to see me through the hospital window. As they had to
stand down close to the parking lot and I would wave and
throw kisses. They were too young to be allowed to visit
me. As the hospital was within a few blocks of where she
405
lived, she brought them daily so that two-year-old Zandar
could see that I was still there. He was afraid. As to his
feelings, I was gone forever, as to a child every second is
a long time.
She agreed to let me stay with her for several weeks after
I was released - because of strict orders from the doctors
that I had to rest and could not do so with two children
alone. Stan would come after work to see me and play with
the children and help with putting them to bed by reading
their favorite books.
I loved Tracey like a sister and we usually were together
on a daily basis anyway. However, I started to feel bad,
even though I was resting. My appetite was not good and
I had trouble breathing.
One morning at about 2.00 a.m. I was feeling real weak
and had gone to the toilet, when I started to feel as ifl was
losing consciousness and tried to call out for help. I was
so weak that I could only manage to whisper as I was col­
lapsing onto the floor. Suddenly there was Tobi, who was
about 6 at that time, standing in the door: "Mommie what is
wrong? I heard you yelling for help!"- "Please get Tracey,
I am really sick", I whispered. Tracey ran next door to a
young man who was working at the hospital. He carried
me out to his jeep and rushed me to the hospital, where
they discovered that I had pneumonia with complications
due to surgery.
Thank God for my daughter's psychic connection! Even
though I was too weak to call for help she heard me yelling
in her sleep in a closed room four rooms away!
To make matters worse, I developed an allergic reaction
to the medication they gave me to clear the lungs of fluid.
I asked the nurse to remove the needle from my arm. She
replied that only a person who is specialized in the inter­
venious medications could remove them. I began to lose
406
consciousness then. I heard the doctor yelling at her that
when a patient says it is making her sick, you don't wait
until darkness closed in.
I was so weak and ill that the doctors called my family,
afraid that I would die. When I slowly regained conscious­
ness I saw - almost like through a fog that was beginning
to clear - Clara, Hans, Stanley, my mother standing around
my bed crying. When finally I was able to speak they were
all trying to hug me. When after three more weeks at the
hospital I was released, I weighed only about 90 lbs. All
this was very traumatic for me and it took me years to get
over these experiences.
407
Chapter 10
Children - Our Future
s
soon as my health had improved and I had finally
l,,l;gained some weight, Stanley and I started to have
serious problems.
We still had a very good understanding and communica­
tion, shared a lot of common interests and had a lot of joy
with the children. But he was an emotionally very weak
person, probably due to his experiments with drugs. Even
though he stopped taking any drugs when Tobi was born, I
felt that the effects were still with him. And I just could not
cope with his lethargic, depressive states. I was waitressing,
taking the kids to babysitters, doing all the housework, and
he would do just nothing, not even talk to us or respond in
any way for days. I could not handle the situation anymore
and did not feel this strong physical love for him anymore.
Part of my leaving him was because he was not true to me.
He had other women and that was very devastating for me.
This had destroyed the trust between us and I felt that I
could no longer rely on him.
I took Tobi and Zandar and went to Tennessee to live
with my mother for a while. She had married a wonderful
man, Jay Hobson from Texas. I loved him and so did my
children. They accepted him as their new grandfather very
naturally. Mom and Jay wanted to adopt JoJo, because JoJo
was embarrassed to have a different last name.
He was about twelve when I told him that I loved him
as much as any of my children and would not adopt him
408
to Mom and Jay unless I was certain that he wanted it. He
assured me that it would make him happy.
Jay was a very good father and he loved Mom, of course.
So they were a lovely family, living in a beautiful three­
bedroom Ranch-style brick house. It was located in a beau­
tiful scenic area outside Chattanooga. I always felt that Jay
was more like a father to me than any other man Mom had
married after Sheila's father. So I was happily living with
them together with Zandar and Tobi.
One evening they invited me for dinner and we went to
one of the better restaurants in town. There we met Bud.
My mother knew him from before when I was living at my
Grandmother's as a child. He was much older than I and he
used to play in a rock and roll band with my cousins and
came to practice at Grandma's house.
He instantly fell in love with me and I fell in love with
the security he offered. He was very conservative, had a
good job and did not want his wife to work. I felt that he
could give me and my children the kind of security that I
never had before.
But in this relationship there were other difficulties. Hav­
ing lost his wife when their daughter Sharon was only 18
months old, he lived together with his mother, raising the
child in their strict protestant way. They forced the little girl
to go to church all the time, which I thought horrible. Bud's
mother rejected me totally, being from the North, wearing
make-up and the way I dressed. Being flamboyant and too
outgoing - everything about me was completely against
what she believed in. I came into a very close-minded
society, very reserved towards outsiders. And prejudiced!
She was very bitter against me because I took her son
and her grandchild out of her home,just living together. We
only got married two years later when I was pregnant with
our son Jason. At first, she did not even talk to me in my
409
own home and I felt so humiliated about her behavior. I was
trying to be respectful and tried to overcome it somehow
in a loving way. It took quite some time but gradually she
accepted me.
Bud's father was paralyzed after a severe stroke, being
in a hospital bed in a small room next to the living room.
Whenever we came to visit I made all the children and Bud
go in and talk to him, because I liked him very much and
wanted all of us to be respectful to him, too. I think this
also made her change her mind about me. And I bought
her candy and other things she liked. It took a long time,
but finally my way of treating her with respect and love
turned her around.
We lived in an old farmhouse at the foot of a hill with a
little creek passing by in front of our doorsteps. We had to
cross a small bridge to get to our farm. And fortunately the
children's school was only five minutes away. We had put
a lot of time and effort into renovating the house even
though we had no central heating and I had to cook our
meals on a huge wood-burning stove. I loved living in the
country and being with the kids all the time. They enjoyed
it as much as I and we spent almost all day outside.
I never had this before, because I had always been work­
ing ever since I was fourteen years old. Bud was working
at night, so I also did my housework at night to be free for
the children during the day.
We had a pet raccoon. I got it from the lady of a zoo
which was over-populated with raccoons, she said. They
could not be let out into the wild, because they had reversed
their natural instincts of sleeping, and would not be able to
survive in the wild when sleeping at night and being awake
during the day. So we took one and named him Rocky, after
a Beatles song. We loved him very much, took him for
walks on a dog leash. We learned quickly that we were not
410
to get close to a tree, because once he got hold of the tree,
we had to pry his little hands off. They really have a grip!
He lived in a little cage, but he would cry so that we let
him out to play with the kids, chasing him around. They
would hide behind the curtains and seeing their feet stuck
out he would jump on them. And he would open the drawers
in the kitchen, going from one to another. He was so fast,
we could not catch him. He would climb up the curtains.
Once we went on a trip, leaving him in the bathroom,
believing he would be ok in the small room with the water.
He liked water very much. Returning home, we saw what
chaos he had made: he unrolled all the toilet paper, turned
the water on in the sink and in the bathtub, had opened the
medicine cabinet, squeezed out all the toothpaste, threw
the brushes all over the room. He opened all the medicine
bottles and dumped everything out, but luckily did not eat
any pills. It was disaster. But it was real nice that he went
to the toilet in the bathtub. It took me hours to clean up
the mess.
During this time, I had noopportunity to attend seminars
or give lectures, because of the ultra-conservative attitude
of my husband and the way we were living. Maybe it was
also to protect me from negative forces that were against
my mission. Obviously, the time was not right to be active
any other way, so the Masters had decided to give me the
mission of working with children in the dream state, and
some adults as well. There was a family in Arizona who
told me later that I was actually appearing to them in the
room. It was amazing. To this day I actually meet children
who remember me from that time.
I was teaching them on the Astral Plane, playing, draw­
ing pictures, visiting the temples and talking to the Masters
about the other dimensions. We shared spiritual insights,
did mantras and meditation, dancing. There was a lot of joy
411
in it. I did not do it consciously all the time, but sometimes
I was aware of it. Going to the Astral for study or talking
to my people was something I had done all my life.
Some of the children I met had just died, mostly a violent
death being mistreated or neglected. It was my task to help
healing them and finding new parents for them when they
were ready. Suddenly I discovered that I was pregnant
with another baby. What a shock! I had had my tubes tied
and only one ovary. It was certainly a mi acle to become
pregnant and it was destiny again.
My mother and Jay were very happy. They loved to
have all the children on the week-ends. We spent a lot of
holidays with Mom or Bud's family. My father and Peggy
in Chattanooga often came to visit along with my sisters
and brothers and their children. It was good to share time
with my Earth parents.
When Jason was born he weighed 8 lbs. 6 oz and at first
he looked like a little red bull dog. Later he turned into a
cute little blonde blue-eyed angel. All the children adored
him, to say nothing of the grandparents.
It certainly secured my place with Bud's family. When
the baby was two months old, I took him to visit Bud's
father. He was thrilled to have a grandson by his only son.
He held the baby in his good non-paralyzed arm. "Boy, he
is a big one!" he said." Bud's father died one night later!
I felt that he had been waiting to see his new grandson
before he left.
Some difficulties arose because of Bud's prejudiced atti­
tudes towards other races. He was also used to getting his
way as he was spoiled by his family, being the only son.
When Bud would rave about blacks, Arabians or whatever,
even turning off the TV ifwe were watching a show about
a black family, Jason would scoot real close to me and
whisper. "We like black people, don't we, Mom?" I would
412
say yes and don't ever forget it! I told the children that they
could not argue with him or disrespect him, but to accept
the way he was and to remember what I had taught them.
Growing up in the south, I was constantly confronted
with racism. In the Government housing project where we
lived, no black people were allowed at that time. It was
only for poor white people. The black people had their own
section of town called Nigger Town.
God having created all races, it is not right for human
beings to judge what races they love and what they consider
inferior. This is an attitude J cannot understand. It makes
human beings superior to God, judging his creation.
When I lived with Bud in the 80ies, I remember a terrible
incident that happened in Falling Water, the community we
lived in. There was one entrance to the town. You had to
cross a little bridge from the main highway. Every year on
Halloween, the hoodlums would pile car tires on the bridge
and bum them. So nobody could get in or out until the fire
was finished. The year before, a man had died of a heart
attack because the ambulance could not get to him in time.
So, this year, there was a TV team from Chattanooga to
fiIm the event. Part of the news team was a black man
from New York. When he climbed out of the truck, the
hoodlums took him and tied him up, telling him they were
going to hang him. The man was scared to death and the
guys just thought it was funny. When the police came to
free him, he was in shock and insisted on going back to
New York immediately. He never finished the news cover­
age and quit his job.
I knew the leader of the gan e was the father of one
of Tobi's classmates. I told my kids that this is a horrible
thing to do and that he would suffer for what he was doing.
Only two weeks later, he died. He was electrocuted while
repairing some wires on a telephone pole. He slipped and
413
fell into some water at the foot of the pole and touching
the wires he was killed. At first I could not believe it when
l heard the story.
For a while, I had my 83 year old great uncle with me
after my grandmother's sister had a stroke. I moved him in
with us as he was active and I did not want him to be put
in a home. When my great aunt fell into a coma because
of kidney failure, we were summed to the hospital: my
mother, her brothers and sisters, my family and Poppy, my
great uncle. The doctors said that they could keep her alive
on machines. I felt sorry for Poppy as he stood there crying
and holding her hand. They had been married about 50
years. She was the only member ofmy grandmother's
family still alive. Now Poppy had to make a decision. l
held her other hand and told him: "You know she is dying
and it won't be good to keep her in suffering on machines."
He nodded his head. I then talked to her. "Aunt Dellie", I
said, "I know that you are afraid and that you can hear us.
If you are reluctant to leave because of what will happen
to Poppy, please know that he can stay with us and will be
fine. We love you and wish you could stay, but not like you
are. So if you have to go please know that Poppy will join
you when his time comes."
Poppy wiped off his tears, bent over and kissed her say­
ing "I love you, Honey!", then told the doctors not to put
her on the machines and let nature take its course. She died
that night. So Poppy became part of our family for three
years before he left to be with Aunt Dellie. He was a
valuable member, for the children really loved him and
through him learned how to communicate and appreciate
old people.
When Bud lost his job at the factory, he changed. He
blamed me for everything, became very possessive and
jealous and violent towards me. He was very ill, having
414
asthma and emphysema, but he stopped taking his medica­
tion. He was very headstrong about it. His whole personal­
ity changed. I knew that this was perhaps due to his illness,
because the oxygen flow to the brain was also affected by
it. He became aggressive towards the children and we had
many arguments about it. He did not take very good care
of himself physically, so he looked much older than he
actually was. I did not find him sexually attractive any
more and made all kinds of excuses to avoid sleeping with
him. He became very conscious of our age difference and
very jealous. Even though we were living 30 miles from
nowhere in the middle ofnowhere, I was not even allowed
to visit my mother unless he was there as well. I could not
wash the laundry at her place. She had a washing machine
and we did not. I had to wash all our clothes in the bathtub
instead with my hands. We lived in a 100 year old farm
house and had to heat the water on a big iron stove fired
with wood. I still have some bum marks on my arms from
accidentally touching the hot metal.
When Mom became ill and acted strange because of
her manic depressiveness, he did not want to have her in
the house and we had a big fight about that. We had a
family reunion once, but as Bud did not want to go, I had
to stay home with him. This became really unbearable for
me.
When Jason was at the age of five, I left Bud and took
my children with me. But my guilt feelings for having taken
his only son from him brought me back again. Meanwhile,
his health was getting better, he agreed to take his medicine
and better cared for himself. He became self-dependent
and repaired cars and small motors. But our relationship
would not get better.
Finally, I decided to have a divorce, but to leave Jason
with his father. It broke my heart to leave my child but
415
on the other hand I knew that the separation from his son
would have devastated Bud.
Again, this was a karmic situation of course. In another
life, I had been Bud's wife and had run off with his son. I
was pregnant and he never found us. So now in this life­
time I gave him a son. Jason is his only son to carry on his
father's name, as in the other life. His father being an only
son, the family name would have ended with him. The
family line was carried on through Jason, and that was
important to them. I also knew that this wasn't a perma­
nent relationship as Bud had no way of accepting my true
heritage. When I had told him about myself he just listened
and never mentioned it again.
Tobi and Zandar were already at Stan's in Chicago. They
had been flown there by Clara. Now I needed some money
for a bus ticket into the north for myself. Our school helped
me. He loved all my children as they were intelligent and
won many awards for poems and stories. Now he bought a
lot of children's books and other books from me. I let Jason
choose the books he wanted to keep. At bedtime, I used to
sing one song each that the children chose and I made a
cassette of these songs to leave with him. I also hung a
crystal in his bedroom window and told him to think of
me as it glimmered. It was hard to leave him at the young
age of five. I knew he would be okay as I had spent a lot
of time explaining he could come to visit in summer and
that we would call and write. We made a vow to say good
night to each other at 9.00 p.m. every night.
It was unspeakably hard for me to leave him, but
although he was only seven years old, he seemed to under­
stand my motives. I made an agreement out of court to split
custody between Bud and myself. Jason was to spend his
summer holidays with me and live with Bud the rest of the
year.
416
In Chicago, I had my own apartment in a nice neighbor­
hood close to where Zandar and Tobi lived with Stan. They
were registered with a good school right across the street. I
had a battle with the principal of this school. Being also the
superintendent of the school district, she had in mind to bus
in under-privileged childreicJThis meant bringing students
from poor areas with much crime into safer schools with
good quality. This was fine - however, Tobi was chosen as
one to be transferred to one of the schools in the bad areas
where there was much street gang activities. She was an
honor student with awards. Stanley and I did everything
short of getting arrested to fight for Tobi to remain in Lin­
coln Park School.
After one week of going to a school in one of the Gang
areas, Tobi was terrified and did not want to return. At age
16, she decided to quit, work part-time and get her G.E.D.
at home.
Then I got a job in the famous "Faces" night club. It
was an elite club for members only or celebrities. I worked
in the coat room at a higher salary plus tips. Sometimes
there were two to three hundred dollars in tips alone! They
offered Tobi a part-time job so she was working with me
on week-ends. We were thrilled because we had to dress
elegantly at work. No jeans or sports shoes allowed even
for the workers. We loved working at the club!
There was a big tunnel of light at the entrance, and the
doorman would telephone the DJ. He would then announce
every couple that came in. They also had movie production
parties there and we met all the movie stars. Frank Sinatra,
Bill Cosby, George Hamilton, Joan Collins, Chuck Norris
and many others.
One night, I had dinner with Omar Sharif. He came into
the club and started talking to me. "You seem to be an
interesting person, you are so dignified and ladylike. It is
417
so unusual meeting someone like you working in a place
like this. Most women are here to get noticed and get into
the movies." He told me that he was a gourmet cook and
asked me if I would like him to cook dinner for me. Of
course I was thrilled.
He picked me up at home and took me to his beautiful
penthouse apartment overlooking the lake. He cooked an
excellent dinner for me and we sat in front of the fire­
place, sipping wine and talking philosophy. He was very
impressed by what I told him about myself, coming from
Venus and writing a book about my mission. He was such
a nice person and a real gentleman. He kissed me on the
cheek when we parted and I thanked him for the pleasant
evening.
And I met Muhammad Ali, the boxer. That was a night­
mare! It was a question of insurance and security that we
were instructed not to take fur coats. People had to leave
them in their cars or take them with them to their chairs.
So there comes this huge big man and wants me to take his
full-length fur coat. I had no clue who he was. I said: "I'm
sorry, Sir, I can't take your fur coat." With his deep voice
he replied: "Yes, you can." - "No, Sir, I'm instructed not
to take fur coats."- "Yes, you can", pushing his coat at me
and I kept pushing it back. Then my boss comes running in
the side door, ordering me to take the coat. "Why?" I asked
him, "you explicitly told me not to take any fur coats."
- "You take it. This is Muhammad Ali! Don't you know
him? He's world-famous!" - "Oh, I said, I'm sorry but I
never heard of him!" So I took his fur coat and hung it up.
My colleagues made jokes of it for weeks. Little Sheila
fighting big Muhammad. The next day when I came in, the
DJ announced: "Here she is, Mrs. Muhammad Ali herself!"
My first Christmas in Chicago was very lonely. Tobi and
Zandar went to Michigan with Clara and Stanley. JoJo was
418
in Tennessee with Mom and Jason was with Bud. I had to
work a party at the club on Christmas Eve. I was free on
Christmas Day. Here I was, all by myself in my new
apartment, remembering our last Christmas in Tennessee.
The children had planned a Christmas play for me and
Bud. They created a cute touching play with costumes and
songs, complete with programs. Jason refused to play baby
Jesus so they had to use a doll. He became a shepherd boy
instead. Well, this was a different Christmas without the
children.
How much fuller life is with children! I believe that
children are a special gift sent to us and we have to care that
they have what they need on all levels to survive here and
to learn what they need to learn. I learned a great deal from
my children. One of the greatest lessons was patience. The
greatest reward was their love and to watch them grow into
beautiful human beings that are a wonderful contribution
to humankind on Earth.
I take it as a very special duty and honor to care for these
special Souls entrusted in our care.
When children are born into the physical world they as
Soul still have strong connections and clear memories of
where they were before and what their existence was in
their previous incarnation. We must remember as parents
that this Soul could be older than our own Souls. We only
provide a physical body for them and we have a connection
from previous lives together. They choose to come into
your particular family because of a bond with you along
with karmic connections. Also you will be able to provide
them with the particular circumstances that are necessary
for their individual experiences for learning.
We should welcome our babies in this world by saying
to them: "I know you are an old Soul and one that I know.
I am happy that you chose to be a part of my life here."
419
They always understand us, even if they are too small to
communicate right away.
I always spoke to my children like this way from birth.
I could actually see the response in their expression! It
always really was wonderful to experience how fast they
began to communicate by trying to make sounds. I had
always sung to my children while they were babies and
talked to them even when they were only a few days old.
Telling them that I would do my best to inform them about
life here. They knew that I loved them unconditionallyand
respected them as individuals with great intelligence.
I always talked to them like I would to any other person.
Every morning I said "Good morning" and asked them
how they felt. If they cried, I would say: "Ok, you do not
like this place so much. But you will get used to it. I will
try my best to make you comfortable, because I love you."
I showed them many things and explained them. The
more you speak to the baby, the faster they learn, they
feel more comfortable and are not so helpless like at the
beginning of this life. They feel that we understand them
and that we will always be there for them.
Our children are not your possession, they are individu­
als.
As parent we are to provide them with proper values and
knowledge about themselves and this world. They must
know that we respect their feelings and choices in life and
that we will always love them unconditionally and even
when they disappoint us. It is important to express to them
how we feel about their behavior and the importance of
loving and accepting others as we wish to be accepted and
treated ourselves.
If we feel the need to discipline our children, we should
also explain the reason. My children told me that when
I punished them it was easily accepted because I also
420
explained the reason why to them. Mostly because I wanted
them to be the best human beings they could. I also taught
them that they must learn to be responsible for all they do
and achieve in life. I told them I would always help them,
not judge but understand. However they must be the ones
who choose the solution to a problem, and I would support
their choice l 00%. I told them that there is no situation or
anything they could do that would cause me not to love
them, for my love for them is limitless and forever.
I spent a great deal of time teaching them the basics of
language, how to count at least to 100 and to spell and
write their names as well as to recite the alphabet, before
they were three years old. We spent a great deal of time
drawing pictures and coloring. l read to them nightly and
sang for them at bed time. We danced, made up stories and
songs. I believe that you must keep alive the creative and
imaginative abilities of each child.
Also very important is to not only to teach them but to
exemplify the law- and value systems we live in. They must
be taught equality and to protect and be kind to those less
fortunate than themselves. To be responsible for themselves
and respectable to all people and other living entities.
As a parent, you must above all be honest about yourself
and any mistakes in your past or present. When presenting
the facts about life be realistic and honest. No matter what
age they are you must be willing to talk honestly about sex
and reproduction. Also the responsibility for having sex,
health, birth control and responsibility of such acts. It must
also be stressed that sex is a normal and healthy function
of being human. Teach them to assume responsible for
everything they do. Instead of judging them, help them
find a solution to problems. Always tell them you love
them, you can never express this too much. Allow them to
express joy and anger, so as not to repress and create
421
blockfiges or psychotic tendencies. However, discipline is
a necessity and lack of it can create criminal tendencies in
humans and a lack of respect for laws and elders.
Even though I informed them of the Supreme Being, all
my children were given the free will to choose their own
religion when they were old enough. While they were
growing up I allowed them to go to and explore other reli­
gions with friends of different religious faiths, so they could
experience the various organized religions. I did not judge
or speak against any of these.
Having four children was a task. I could actually write
a whole book about my many humorous and surprising
experiences with them.
When JoJo was three years old, he started to speak about
a friend he called Statie. Everywhere we went he wanted
to know if Statie could come also. He always played with
Statie and talked to him. This continued until he was in
school. I believe that his friends in school convinced him
that it was his imagination and he started to doubt and lost
his ability to communicate and see his friend. But he still
remembers Statie to this day.
When I used to have meditation groups at home twice
a week in the evening with several people we knew, the
children would attend of course. They wanted to do the
mantras as well and along with all their favorite stuffed
animals, toys or dolls. Afterwards some would share their
experiences that occurred in their meditation. Sometimes
the children would draw the things they had seen or heard.
Once, when Tobi was about 4, she exclaimed that she
had heard snow falling. Some people explained that snow
did not make a sound. I said: "Well, how do we know?
Have any of you ever tried it?" I was interested in what it
sounded like and convinced it was possible.
422
Of course, living in Chicago we had plenty of snow, but
it was far too noisy. However, years later when Tobi was
about ten and we were living in Tennessee in the old farm
house, where it very seldom snowed, being in the South.
One night in an unusually cold December, I had gotten up
to check the fire in our wood-burning stove, then I saw that
it had been snowing. It was around 1.30 a.m. The snow was
about six inches deep. I went in and woke up Tobi. She was
a little startled as I told her to come with me. As we tiptoed
quietly through the house to the front door, I explained that
this was our chance to hear snow falling. "You really
remember that!" she exclaimed with much surprise. I told
her, yes, I always wanted to hear it since her meditation
experience. So laughing at the absurdity of going outside
in our nightgowns at 1.30 am, we went out into the dark
quiet night with the moon making the snow sparkle and it
was still snowing. We sat on the ground and leaned our
heads as close to the ground as we could. So one of our ears
was close to the snow-covered ground. we held our breath
as we listened and we heard it: tiny crystal-like sounds,
almost inaudible, a precious tinkling sound as the falling
snow flakes fell on the snow crystals already on the ground.
Wow, be both exclaimed, you really can hear snow falling.
We hugged each other as we laughed about the experience
and then hurried in to get warm and dry.
When Zandar was only two years old, he always loved to
play with the pots and pans which made it difficult for me
to cook. So I asked Stan, Tobi and JoJo who was visiting
to play with Zandar so that I could prepare dinner. They
asked him what he would like to play with and he wanted
the small wooden Charley Brown figures. Zandar chose
Snoopy, Tobi wanted Linus, JoJo had Charley Brown. That
left Peppermint Patty for Stan. I thought this was fi.mny.
When Stanley asked Zandar: "What are we going to do
423
now?" he replied, "We are going to visit God!" We all
thought this was funny but did not want to upset the baby.
So we asked, "Where does God live?" - "On top of the
refrigerator!"
Oh no, I thought, they are all coming into the kitchen.
And here they are, on hands and knees, pecking along with
the small wooden people pretending to walk. All of them
arrived in the kitchen. Stan stood up and pecked his way to
the top of the refrigerator. He was the only one tall enough
to reach it. "Hello God", he said, "I'm Peppermint Patty!"
Everyone laughed except Zandar. He stood there only in
his diaper, pulling on Stanley's leg: "Don't be stupid, God
knows who you are!" We all rolled on the floor with laugh­
ter. "I don't know whether to be insulted or impressed",
Stanley said, "of course, you are right. You don't have to
introduce yourself to God!" So far, we had never realized
how much the babies understand.
At the time when Jason was four, he sat at the kitchen
table coloring in a book. "You know, Mom," he said, "we
are not really white. If I color the people white they look
like ghosts. If I use peach, they look alright. So we are
really peach!" A few minutes later he announced: "Mom,
J know why God made black people! Because he ran out
of peach paint and then used black!" I laughed, of course,
because Jason had used all of his peach crayon and decided
to have black people in his coloring book. And he assumed
that this was what God did. Well, I thought, this is certainly
an unprejudiced idea about races!
You must take time with children and play and laugh.
Teach them to enjoy life and all it offers and to accept the
difficulties as part of learning. Failing also is a part of
learning how to correct our mistakes. We must be able to
accept our negative aspects and our problems, as well to
laugh at ourselves and to believe in the positive and good424
ness and support it with our energy. Never forgetting that
our imagination is the key to all that is or will be.
Teach your children what you wished you had been
taught, so that they don't have to search for the truth most
of their lives. And they can spend more productive and
creative lives toward a new world, for the children are the
future.
425
Chapter 11
My way to the public
'17ie following years of my life went by in a flash. After
J the Faces night club had been closed down I was back
in waitressing. I worked at the famous restaurant "Zurn
Deutschen Eck", which is still included in each Chicago
guidebook. The owner was a native Bavarian who had a
traditional band in lederhosen perfo1ming every Satur­
day evening with the guests singing along. The female
employees wore blue dirndl dresses with white ruffled
blouse and apron. This is where I learned to like and appre­
ciate the German cuisine. Years later, when I was visiting
Germany for the first time, everybody was baffled because
I could read the menu and ordered dishes such as pork
knuckle with sauerkraut, even though I didn't speak the
language.
I was enjoying my freedom and spent the weekends with
good friends and my children. They grew up and became
more and more independent, but we always kept our close
contact. In turns the children were staying with me for a few
weeks or months. I did not think about a new relationship,
but fate brought a new man into my life: Emanuel. His
younger brother, who was called Odie by everybody, was
my next-door neighbor. We liked eachother and became
friends very quickly.
One day I rang his doorbell to return the iron I had
borrowed. A handsome young man opened the door, who
Odie introduced as his older brother, Emanuel. We liked
426
each other right away and soon we spent all our spare time
together
His mother was oflrish descendent living in the South
of the USA. His father was a prominent lawyer with fore­
fathers from Puerto Rico and Africa.
Before we searched an apartment together, we had a
long discussion about our age difference - I was 36, and
then he was just 22 - and the problem of mixed marriages.
Couples with different skin color have to suffer to this day
under the prejudices of their fellow human beings and we
were no exception. Once we had been almost arrested just
because an overzealous police officer did not like to see
Emanuel and me walking down the street together.
We lived together for about nine years and Emanuel
became a permanent part of my family. One by one, Tobi,
Joe, Zandar and my mother lived with us in our apartment.
Of course, Jason came every summer. We had to bring
Mom to Chicago when her manic depressive illness became
a problem for her to live alone. Soon, we found an apart­
ment around the comer for her and JoJo to share, within
walking distance so that we could remain close.
At that time, I had a very good job at the apparel center,
a fashion convention place in Chicago. I worked in the
restaurant in the lobby of the building which catered to the
convention people. I even got a position for JoJo to work
with me. Meanwhile, Tobi was living in an apartment with
a friend. Zandar had moved to California to attend college
on a partial scholarship he had earned with awards and
outstanding grades.
Tobi was attending one of the best beauty academies in
Chicago. Jason was excelling in school and even work­
ing with me in the restaurant during the summer. All of a
sudden Wendelle Stevens called me. I had communicated
with him for years while living in Tennessee. Years ago,
427
I had received a letter from him with a small biography
telling me who he was. He had heard one of the many
cassettes from the radio show in 1973. He told me that
he was an ex-pilot on the Air Force and a retired Colonel
involved in UFO investigations. He was intere ted in
my book. I had sent hun a copy of the manuscript in 1980.
He then was arrested and imprisoned for 5 years on false
charges so that be would not make publicly known what he
had observed and the photos of UFOs he had taken would
not be published. After his arrest, he wrote me saying that
if I felt that a connection to him mi ht
e would not blame me if I searched for
or my oo . I assured him that I was not concerned and
wrote to him on a regular basis to his "federal hotel" as he
called the prison.
When he was released we had a few phone calls to keep
in touch. I had forgotten about the book off and on, as I was
caught up in my mother's illness and working to survive.
When he called to tell me that the book would be published
and on the market in spring 1991, I was shocked. As I
received the phone call in March, I was stunned. His plan
was to present me and my book at one of the biggest ever
planned UFO congresses in America. He was sending me
money to have a special gown made for my appearance
and my flight and stay were paid for.
I had to sit down to take it all in. This was it. It was now
to be known who I was - not only to a few members of
my family and my friends from Eckankar but exposed to
the whole world. What effect is this going to have? I knew
that it was an important part of my reason to be here on
Earth.
Quite calmly, I remembered that I had prepared for this
many lifetimes before. This was part of my real function
here. That is what the Masters were preparing me for. I
oow
428
found myself a quiet spot and started to meditate. I thought
back to my past connection with the Masters.
It began many lifetimes ago. After the Atlantian times,
my first entrance into the physical was as a monk in Tibet,
working with Fubbie Quantz, Rebazar Tarsz and Gopal
Das. Rebazar and Fubbie were still physical at that time.
Gopal Das was already an Ascended Master. They were
my teachers in this life and my whole life was devoted to
the teachings.
Later, I had a connection with St. Germain, when he
was alive. I was one of his alchemy students. I was more
interested in alchemy than spirituality in this life. I worked
with him in his laboratory and was fascinated by the thin
hecould manifest. St. Germain lived for a very long time,
even centuries. There are many stories about him.
I lived a very special incarnation in the close environ­
ment of Jesus Christ. For this reason, it later became part of
my mission here on Earth to tell unknown truths about this
great Soul. I was shocked when they told me on Venus that
because I had many connections to the Masters from many
lifetimes and I am well set in the basic true teachings, I do
not waver from that no matter what the influence is.The
Masters told me that I had a choice: either take this mission
or being born on Earth again because of the karmic ties
that I still had here. But by being born on Earth, there will
be many difficulties for me because of the divided brain
and the strong influence it would be a struggle for me to
re-member the teachings.
It would be easier to do it this lifetime. I had to make a
decision. There was a little anticipation and excitement
about coming to Earth as I had been here before, but I was
not familiar with the societies in the 20th century. The
Masters gave me a little history but my problem was that I
had difficulties with being interested in history. They gave
429
me some scientific facts but it was the same thing: all this
is too mental for me. I am more artistic and into expressing
feelings and dancing and joy and fascination with things.
So I did not put enough attention to the information.
It seems simple when you look at the many thousands of
lifetimes that you have existed. Every lifetime looks like
a grain of sand. It is so unimportant in your never ending
existence as Soul. But when you enter into this little grain
of sand then it really becomes so great and overwhelm­
ing. This is a shock for the Soul and that is why so many
people get caught up in their difficulties and have trouble
to remember that this is just another life, another grain of
sand.
Shortly before I left Venus, the Masters called me.: Rami
Nuri, my Master on Venus, Fubbi Quantz and Rebazar
Tarzs. They told me that they had special gifts for me.
Remember, I was a little child and I was expecting some­
thing nice to take with me, a magic crystal or something
nice to play with.
Fubbi said: "One of the gifts we are going to give to you,
Omnec, is that on a very spiritual level you will be able to
create a calmness in the people around you." Rami Nuri
added: "We are giving you the ability to take something
so complicated and difficult and make it so simple that the
people can understand." Then Rebazar Tarzs said, "We
will give you the ability and strength and patience that
people can feel in this love to you, even if they disbelieve
at first, the truth will connect to them and they will see
very clearly."
And I am standing there disappointed, thinking these
are not gifts, these are only words! And the Masters told
me that these words will mean something to me later. It
sounded very nice but to me it still was nothing but words
and I was very disappointed to have no real presents.
430
They told me that I was going to have very difficult
times, not always joy and adventure. "We know how you
are and we have to see what the reception is. And as things
develop you will be given more and more information and
things to do. But only when we are sure that it is the right
time. You must be strong through the difficult times. Please
remember that we are not abandoning you even if it may
seem that way and that your suffering is for a reason." It
was the first time that I asked myself what I had done. This
load is so heavy.
Later when I met Paul Twitchell. who was my Master
here on Earth, he told me that h had..§. Jlill.e..Qn Venu1.
This made me very happy because I have no proof. It is
impossible to invite people to see the spaceships. It is for
the protection of the Venusians, some of them have lost
their lives through the attempts to get their technology.
They do not fight back because this is against their spiritual
belief. By many beings, the Venusians are considered wishy
washy, because they will not destroy anything that is part
of creation. They do not judge and do not criticize and so
naturally they appear to others as being soft or weak.
Through the last 40 years, I have been in contact with
various Masters, meeting with them and sometimes not
even understanding what they were telling me. Sometimes
it would come in a dream, sometimes it was more real.
I did not understand everything they wanted me to do, why
I had to establish the Operation Peace program•, for
instance. I did it and only step by step, when they started
to inform me about the Transformation Process I began to
realize what was going on. Only when the Masters were
* The purpose of the "'Operation Peace" program - established in 1994
- is that every Wednesday people from all over the world in a
meditation are sending out thoughts of love and peace into the world.
431
sure that the Transformation was going to be successful,
they told me to speak about it. Everything fell into place
and I thought I now had the whole picture. But the Masters
were shaking their heads telling me that my small picture
is just a tiny piece of a bigger puzzle. They do not give me
all the information because it would be overwhelming and
would throw me into a panic of not being able to do this
work as it is so much. And the future view depends on how
many people are involved. We can only do it step by step,
giving everyone his specific task. You are all working for
the same cause and it comes together. But it takes a long
time for you to see what you are doing.
In the future, there has to be a harmonic blending of the
male and female energies. At first it was only female
energy, then the male energy. We have a long lineage of
male Masters, and there are only two female Masters and
you might be the next one.
When they told me this, I stopped doing any kind of
spiritual work for some time, because I did not want this
responsibility and this position. "I do not think that J can
do it. I want to be human. I want to be like everybody else
and share the information but I don't want to be a guru or
whatever." - "Well and that is why you must do it, because
you don't want it," the Masters told me. "If you wanted it
so much, it would be your ego taking over and then you
would not be the right person."
Obviously, I have misused my powers in a past lifetime
so that now I am always thrown into a fear of repeating this.
"You are a Master and people recognize it," the Masters
explained. "They will patiently wait till they can look into
be; '" your eyes. That is the darshan. Their Soul knows that they
rwj have to receive this connection. Now it is up to you to let
people know about their true heritage and that the truth has
.c,flM!.,been hidden from them. That Soul has Its origin in another
rt;:'
432
dimension. Remind them of their magnificence, their power
and knowledge. Tell them about the transformation and
show them how they can use their energy to support this
process."
There are hundreds of Masters, Vonic, my teacher on
Venus, was also one of them. To me, he was just a teacher, I
did not have a clue of his true mission. All of the Ascended
Masters are very old Souls who have experienced every­
thing they could in the physical and then they make a
decision that they will continue to give information either
from the other levels because then they have the ability to
manifest physically or not and to work on all levels. All
Souls reach this point eventually. The Ascended Masters
are nothing but people like us who have reached a certain
level and made a decision about their future mission.
My Masters work with lots of humor; they are so tricky!
When I am happy that I have some clearness they want
me to be confused again. This is their way of helping me
to handle it.
These are a few of the messages the Masters gave me.
Even though it sounds quite confusing, if you re-read them
there is a message. This is their way!
-
• There is no copyright for the truth.
•
My only purpose in this life is to help you remember
the things that you already know.
• I can't remember what I have forgotten, but I must not
forget what I already know.
• People who think they are enlightened have lost their
minds. Well, never mind, leave the mind behind and
then you are enlightened.
433
After my long meditation and getting in touch with my
Masters, I only knew that my life would change and I would
be led in a natural way to do what had to be done. Of course
I shared the good news about the release of my book and
my appearance at a UFO convention with my family. They
were all excited and happy for me. My friends' and fel­
low workers' reactions were from a mixture of disbelief,
laughter and jokes to sheer fascination. My book and the
idea that I was someone coming from another planet caused
a great stir, and for weeks J was in the focus of attention.
Several times people came to me during work, including
the mayor of Chicago, and wanted me to sign my book.
So I was sitting at his table answering his questions in my
waitress clothes. My boss was very proud of having such
a prominent employee, but to me all this hype was quite
annoymg.
Then the big moment finally came. I flew to Tucson,
Arizona, where the UFO convention was to be. Wendelle
had infonned me that I was the surprise guest. No one was
to know my true identity, as J was the last speaker. Many
famous guests were there from many countries
nationwide. One participant from Germany nevertheless
knew me immediately, walked straight over to me and said,
"Welcome to planet Earth".
For my protection, Wendelle kept me in a small motel
about 3 miles from the big hotel where the convention
was. I had body guards in a van with a two-way radio so
Wendelle could inform them when I was ready to attend.
I could sleep as long as I wished and call him any time in
the afternoon when I was ready to come to the convention.
It was wonderful. I just assumed that due to his experi­
ence with the CIA he was over-reacting. I did not feel any
danger.
I had a very successful lecture, only interrupted by one
434
man who wanted proof of what I said. He asked, "How do
we know that you are 220 or even 41?" Another man
replied: "I have met her 15 years ago and she does not look
one year older!"
Then he began to argue about other dimensions. I quietly
told him that he was wasting his time and mine. "I do not
believe in debates as they are a waste of energy, and if you
do not believe me it does not change what I am! Why are
you here if you are not really interested?" Everybody
applauded.
WendeIle came up and expressed to everyone how proud
he was of me and what a wonderful lecture I had done at
my first public appearance. I felt elegant in my new gown
and was looking forward to autographing books. Wendelle
rushed me, surrounded by his hired guards, out a side door.
"Am I not supposed to autograph books?" I asked him.
"Not yet! The trouble maker in the audience was a CIA
agent and we have to clear the area and make sure it is safe
for you in the lobby first." I could not believe it, it seemed
like right out of a secret agent movie.
I was in for a shock: TV cameras everywhere, micro­
phones shoved into my face from all directions, flashes
from cameras. Then I was rushed from one room to another
to be videotaped and interviewed by national and inter­
national press, TV and radi One lady burst into tears as
she was interviewing me for a UFO magazine. She did not
know why but when she read my name she felt a sense of
urgency and importance to meet me. I tried to console her
by telling her that we had been very close friends in another
life and she cried even more and excused herself.
Later she introduced herselfas the president of the UFO
library and an agent in Hollywood for prominent stars. She
wanted to help me with my promotion.
Finally, I escaped into the bar to have a beer and signed
435
books. Collee, the lady that had cried at the interview, and
I became good friends and clowned around a lot in the
following three days. With her video camera, she was pre­
tending to make a commercial for beer. I was to take a sip
and say "ahhh, that was worth coming to Earth for!" We
were rudely interrupted by a young couple who told me that
I was making a fool out of myself with these people who
did not appreciate me. They tried to get me to leave with
them, just short of force me, and became very aggressive
when I refused. I was puzzled. Then Wendelle arrived to
tell me that they were CIA people.
Back in Chicago, I had lots to share and everybody was
calling me to say you are in this and that paper and I saw
you in this TV station. I went back to work with a few
changes. After work I would change clothes, run out to a
limo and rush to a TV interview. I would announce that I
would autograph books and give the address of the restau­
rant and actually giving autograph sessions in the bar This
was only the beginning. I had become the women from
Venus. Most people who could not remember Omnec just
called me Venus.
436
Chapter 12
Fulfilling my mission
t:i>s my life as Omnec burst into full bloom and I was LL
flying to various states for conventions, TV inter­ views
and workshops, my private life was in trouble. I had
suspicions about Emanuel having affairs.
When I had conclusive evidence of Emanuel's betrayal
with Gwenda, a young girl I had been helping through
a traumatic experience that involved her father's sexual
abuse, I decided that our relationship was over. I had treated
her as my own daughter and she was sleeping with my
boyfriend of many years. It was too much.
I took advantage of an invitation from Wendelle's grand­
son and flew to Arizona. His name was Gem and he was
really nice. He offered to pay for my flight and I could stay
with him at Wendelle's house. It seemed a good way to
overcome my broken relationship. I also had offers for TV
shows and conventions in California. These appearances
were arranged by Wendelle and Collee. I had a wonder­
ful time becoming acquainted with Wendelle's family and
travelling. I also got to meet the family ofEckists who often
had conscious contact with me on the Astral.
Gem and I spent a couple of days at a ski lodge. It was
built by the Indians in their reservation in the White
Mountains. Gem owned a cabin there, really high up in
the mountains. Everybody was out skiing and as I do not
ski I just sat in the lounge and had lunch and was reading
a book. I had my book with me. When I wanted to order
437
something to drink, this Indian came over and offered to
share his pitcher of beer with me. He asked me why I wore
white and I explained it to him, told him about myself and
the spiritual work that I was doing. I showed him the book
and told him a little bit about Venus. He asked me about
my silver ring which a Hopi Indian had given to me many
years ago and I told him the story.
Then he told me a little bit about his culture. He was
hired to patrol all of the reservation at night and watch for
signs. As an example he told me that if he saw an owl on
someone's property, he would report this to the family,
because this means that there is going to be a death in the
immediate family. Also he was protecting the life-stock
like lambs and such from wild beasts. He told me that
he felt that maybe I was fulfilling part of their prophecy
what they call the great white hope. After the birth of the
white buffalo there was to be a white woman who would
be a spokesperson for them and a spiritual enlightenment.
All the Indians do believe that they were brought to Earth
from elsewhere, so we talked a little bit about the races
living on the other planets. After a while he said good-bye
and left the restaurant shorty before Gem and his friends
returned from skiing.
Several months later Gem called me in Chicago to
tell me that he went back to the lodge for skiing with his
friends. "You are not going to believe this," he said. "All
the Indians are talking about you. They asked me where
you are.They know all about you from the man who travels
around the reservation and who had the conversation with
you. You are a legend among the Indians!" Even though
I was very fond of Wendelle and his family who treated
me like a daughter, I returned to Chicago after a couple of
weeks to take care of my family. Mom had been in and out
of the hospital due to her manic depression. It was very
438
difficult to regulate medication for her. A lithium overdose
would toxic effects and more manic attacks.
I continued to work at the apparel center and helped JoJo
look after Mom. All of my children were very proud of my
book and what they called fame. I did not feel famous. I
felt no different from before.
I received an invitation to give a lecture in at a UFO
convention in Dtisseldorf, Germany, and have a dance
workshop. I had not danced publicly for years and did not
understand why they wanted a dance workshop at a UFO
convention. I was excited about seeing another country. I
had never been outside the United States except Mexico
since my arrival on Earth. Unless a spaceship ride counts ...
Carmen, a lovely woman I had met via a radio interview
and who had accompanied me on several trips to California
and Colorado wanted to go with me.
So we prepared for the trip. I practiced a dance, chose
some wonderful music inspired by my son Zandar and
bought a leotard and dance shoes. I used the old dance
costume from my years in Eckankar!
When we arrived at the convention hall, Marina Popov­
ich ran over to hug me, leaving a lot of surprised-looking
TV people behind who were just interviewing her. She was
a famous Russian test pilot. We had met at an event in the
United States and had become very good friends. Out of
their curiosity of who I was she was greeting so warmly
the TV people also wanted to interview me.
This was the first time that one of my lectures was
translated into another language. It was kind of strange:
when I just said a few words, the translator seemed to talk
much longer. I managed to get through without too much
panic. Peter, my translator later explained that translating
from English to German would make a text about a quarter
longer.
439
To close my lecture, I invited people of all ages to my
dance workshop. I told them that to Soul age doesn't mat­
ter and hoped that considering the wide range of activi­
ties available at least a few people would show up at my
workshop. I was presented a dozen red roses and Wendelle
Stevens came up to exclaim to the audience how proud he
was of me, because I had never spoken in a foreign country.
About 300 people had come to my first lecture in Ger­
many. Many people applauded, but when I mentioned that I
like beer and that I was going downtown to have one, they
gave me a standing ovation. Fortunately no lecture was
scheduled for me the next day. So we went to bed a little
exhausted planning to get up at 8.00 a.m. the next morn­
ing because we wanted to see something of Dtisseldorf.
We got up with our travel alarm, got dressed and went
downstairs. The room was empty and when we asked a lady
for breakfast she stared at us like we were crazy, silently
pointing at the clock. It was 2.30 in the afternoon. We had
forgotten about the time change. We laughed our way out
of the hotel and went to find coffee.
When going to bed the night before I had decided to have
30 people for my workshop even though only 8 people had
registered by then. At the convention we were told that I not
only had the most people in my workshop, but exactly 30!
To begin the workshop I did a Venusian-style dance and
Carmen took photos. Renato, a man who became a good
friend later, was making a video. Soon I had everyone
dancing including the cameraman with the video camera
and my interpreter Peter. He even offered to work for free
if I ever returned to Germany. He had refused to translate
for me at first because he did not believe my story. But he
had really changed and when I asked the people what they
had experienced in meditation he was the first one that
wanted to share his experience.
440
Carmen and I planned to stay for a few days and wanted
to know if there was anyone who could show us around. A
handsome young man from my workshop volunteered as
he had free days from his job at a Reiki center. We went to
see the dome in Cologne and visited a nearby castle called
SchloB Burg. There I had the eerie feeling that I had lived
in this castle in another lifetime. On a murial in one of the
rooms were paintings of members of the royal families
that had occupied the castle. Among them, I found myself
and Thorsten, the young man who was accompanying us.
A few weeks later, Thorsten called me in Chicago. He
said he and the other workshop participants wanted to pay
for my fare back to Germany to give another workshop
in Eddigehausen. I thought it was wonderful to see him
again and meet all these new friends. When I arrived there
were far more than 30 people and the workshop was to
take place in a very old huge house. This house was part
of a castle that overl?oked the house. It was owned by
Eberhard von Hagen's family. This is how I met what I call
my German family today. Ever since then the "family" has
grown so much, I cannot mention all the names. However,
I soon learned that it was part ofmy mission to meet these
people.
In February 1994, my book was published by the Omega
Verlag in German for the first time. We celebrated on New
Years Eve with a nice dinner at Gisela's and Martin's - my
first German publisher's - house and everybody who had
worked on the book set out for the Rhine river to see the
fireworks. When we were walking down the street, we saw
a UFO - a big glowing orange ball floating silently across
the sky. With the sound of fireworks nearby, we watched
till it was out of sight. Poor Manfred worked all next day
to determine if it was a hot air balloon or what else. Fly­
ing hot air balloons near fireworks is dangerous so we all
441
settled on an UFO. We all held this occurrence for a good
omen for the success of my book "From Venus I Came".
After the book was released, I gave interviews and was
invited to many TV talk shows. I found out that Gisela had
received so many calls and letters that she had the idea of
sending me on a tour in Germany. This put me in a small
panic at first but then I agreed even though I did not know
what I would teach at the workshops. I knew I could do
lectures and interviews. When I asked Uncle Odin and the
Masters they simply replied: "You share with them your
knowledge, perspective, and understanding." I knew then
that I would have to learn as I went what 1 should d<O
With my first tour in 1994, again a new chapter in my life
had begun. I can only be thankful that whatever I needed
came my way without asking and my life enfolded like
a lotus, revealing more to me about spirituality than I
knew.
On my numerous lectures and workshops I talked among
others about the Spiritual Transformation of the Earth and
its inhabitants, which is going to change life here into a
paradise similar to the one that already exists on Venus.
The transforming power of unconditional love plays a big
role in this process.
While I was traveling through Europe again and again
in the following years, I met so many people and have
found lots of members of my Soul family and connected
friendships. Ifl would try to talk about all the miracles that
happened and of the people who recognized me from the
Astral, my experiences with children and animals - this
book could never be finished.
I am thankful to the Masters, angels and my closest
friends, including all my friends and helpers on Earth for
their love and support. They have given me the opportunity
to share my life as a spiritual teacher, complete my mis442
sion and touch so many people's lives, more than I ever
thought possible.
I enjoy every moment of my life with the certainty that
I am always guided the right way and that I head into my
future feeling positive and knowing it shall be an adventure
of inspiration.
Amual Abactu Baraka Bashad
(May the universal love and blessings be)
Omnec
443
Biographical Data
1977 Marriage with Bud, Birth of Jason
1984 Divorce from Bud
1986
1948 (according to Earth calendar) born on the astral
1991 "From Venus I Came" is published in the USA;
of Venus
1955
Journey to Earth and stay in Agam Des, Tibet
Living together with Emanuel
first public appearance at UFO-congress in
Tuscon, Arizona
1992
First public appearance at a UFO-congress in
Germany; first workshop
1993
Appearance in the well-known Jerry Springer
Show (TV) together with JoJo, Tobi and Zandar
1994
"From Venus I Came" is published in Germany,
first tour through Europe
1956 Journey from Tibet to Tennessee to grandmother
of Sheila
1962 Journey to Sanibel Island, Florida to Donna and
C.L.
1963
First rape through C.L.
1964
Move to Chicago
1996
Death of Donna
1965
Rape through Pedro
1998
Double-CD "Message from Venus" is released
1966
Birth of JoJo
2000
CD "From Venus with Love" and second part of
autobiography "Angels don't cry" are released
1967
Living together with Stan
1968
2009
Stroke and retreat
Birth of Tobi
2011
Re-release of all books in German with the
publisher www.dasgutebuch.net; promotion tour
in Europe
1969 Encounter with Eckankar and Paul Twitchell;
Manuscript "From Venus I Came" develops
1971 Birth of Zandar
2012 First release of all books in English as a
compilation edition "The Venusian Trilogy"
1974
Attack of Pedro; loss of twins, heavy disease
1975
Separation from Stan
444
445
Omnec Onec
The Venusian Trilogy
Part 3
My
Message
Contents
What is Reality?
What is reality? Reality is only the perspective or view
of someone or something. In order to understand you
must be able to change your point of view and to accept
that each individual has their own view or
perspective of reality.
Omnec Onec
1. Understanding the Physical ..................................... 462
2. Leaming to deal with the Emotions ........................ 466
3. What effect the Causal has ...................................... 472
4. The Mental Process .................................................. 476
5. The Function of the Etheric Body ........................... 483
6. The Soul - the real I................................................. 486
7. The Laws of the Supreme Deity .............................. 492
8. About Karma ............................................................ 494
9. Spirituality and Religions ........................................ 497
10. Meditation and Contemplation ................................. 499
11. Soul Travel Technique .............................................. 502
12. Mantras and their Benefits ....................................... 507
13. Healing and Self healing Procedures ....................... 513
14. Energy - Ways to feel and use it daily .................... 517
15. Love and Relationships............................................. 523
16. Venusian Understanding of Death........................... 527
17. Knowing the Life Plan .............................................531
18. A Spiritual Journey ................................................... 537
19. The new Supreme Deity or Sugmad Expansion Ray 542
20. Acknowledgement ..................................................... 548
21. Glossary ..................................................................... 549
449
f1n the following part, I go more into detail of the spiritual
ZJ concepts of the Venusians which are based on the Laws
of the Supreme Deity - our planetary teaching, in which
spirituality and science are two faces of the same thing and
by which we have grown in so many ways.
Here, I describe our Venusian concepts of ourselves in
relation to the world around us and the other existing
dimensions above or below us or as we like to understand
all around us and convey our view of every living entity
from a Soul point of view.
It is a guide to help you not only understand but balance
and harmonize all the non-material bodies within the phy­
sical body. It is a step-by-step guide of how to properly
care for the physical, astral, causal, mental, etheric, and
Soul bodies.
This information is not only to help you to get a bet­
ter understanding about life and about yourself. It is also
to help you to balance and harmonize your inner bodies.
Step-by-step I will impart our concept about how to take
proper care of the physical, astral, causal, mental bodies,
and the Soul body.
This information is based on my experiences here on
Earth and what I brought with me from Venus. Much of the
information is also based on the needs I have encountered
in my relationships here on Earth and especially what I
have learned through media encounters and workshops.
My life as well is a great learning experience for me as an
individual, and as I learn I try to share with all I can.
Since entering into the physical body I have found of
course that in this material world you encounter limits as
it is on each dimension. For each dimension of existence
has spiritual laws that govern the extent of what we can or
cannot experience in that particular existence or dimension.
The following guidelines can help you to understand
450
and to absorb the following information in the best way:
First, patience is very important as everything needs time
to develop. Also the spiritual bodies need adjustments to
new experiences. It is all individual as you each are. Every
experience is not always sensational but sometimes very
fine and subtle. We must learn to become sensitive to fine
experiences.
A further good preparation for the teachings in this book
and for life in general is a sense of humor. I have found that
in the physical world where you cannot always control the
conditions that happen or exist, that one can try to view it
with a sense of humor. It has helped me through many trials.
Learn to laugh at yourself and then it does not hurt so much
when others laugh at you. After all we are not perfect yet!
Please don't get me wrong when I use terms like ,,must"
or ,,should" in the following text. Of course you as an indi­
vidual are always free to choose whether or not you want
to do something. Don't take these terms as my instructions
to you but rather as your own directions to yourself if you
want to change something.
The first part is about the maintenance and care for the
physical. I know it is boring but after all we all still have
a physical body! Since we reside in the physical we must
at least understand it because tolerating it is not sufficient.
Because to tolerate is only to accept but not to really care
- and we must care about the whole self.
We need the body in order to be able to exist, communi­
cate and move around. You will learn it can be wonderful. I
had to learn the hard way, and I am trying to make it easier
for you. The body is a vehicle for Soul: Soul is the driver,
the body the car. Now who wants to drive around in a dirty,
beaten up, rusted, broken-down car?
451
Understanding the Physical
r1n the Venusian society we have a concept of spirituality
U
as a balancing of oneselves on all levels.
You must take care that the physical body is healthy
and balanced. We must be able to work within our own
physical limitations and accept them, also to use them to
our advantage.
First to accept each of ourselves as unique and individual
is a must. To see ourselves as we are and realize the beauty
that is individual we must set our own standards and not
accept standards set by others. That does not mean that we
are perfect and do not need to work on ourselves. It means
we need to find what works for us individually.
Anything you undertake should be something you will
enjoy or you will soon lose interest. I love dancing and 1
attribute it to myself being able to stay in shape. I am short
and slim but would quickly lose my shape ifl did not love
to walk. [ take long walks because I enjoy nature. You have
to fit your exercise to yourself and your life style. Sex is
also a very healthy activity. (It helps to have a partner.)
Eating habits are also important. There are plenty of
books about diet. However, it is important to eat a bal­
anced diet, but not to become fanatical about anything.
Because then you have upset the balance of your physical
self. You once again have to make the choice as to what
you are comfortable with. If you eliminate meat from your
diet consider that all living things are Souls and will one
day evolve into the human state! All plants, minerals and
animals are Souls, incarnated in different existences for
452
experiences. When their particular purpose is served in
this state they leave the physical and return into a higher
state of existence.
So we must choose to eat what benefits us and not worry
that we are destroying something. This is why we should
appreciate whatever we eat. Souls are incarnating count­
less times and for different purposes as minerals, plants,
animals, etc. for example to serve us as food. That's why it
is very important to bless our food and to be grateful for it.
So don't feel guilty about what you eat, but find the proper
understanding and remember that you yourself served the
same purpose before you became a human being. Before
our human existence, we have existed as all the other life
forms mentioned before.
You destroy your own body by overindulgence of any
kind. You have to pay attention to how your body feels and
responds to different foods, because we all are different.
Being vegetarian is good, but to eliminate meat, cheese,
eggs, fish all from the diet is not necessary. Remember bal­
ance is important. Do not use the way you eat to feel supe­
rior to others. You cannot attain spiritual perfection through
diet. However, you can be healthy balanced and above all
not judgmental of others in the process of learning.
Find your best suited diet and physical exercise and stick
to it. If you cheat once in a while, do not feel guilty, enjoy
the break, but do go back to your system.
Remember we are all beautiful Souls inside this physical
structure. We must try to reflect this in our appearance to
the best of our abilities.
Personal dressing or grooming habits are vital. We must
care how we appear. It will make you more self-confident
if you feel that you look good. I do not mean you have to
look like a movie star. But to be well groomed and neat and
clean is important - also for those closest to you!
453
You must not just say appearance does not matter. Of
course it does! If you have went around only wearing black
don't you think you could brighten your image a little?
Find clothes that are comfortable and attractive. Try a few
different colors, fall into a new image. Break old habits
and discover the hidden you. Do not be afraid to try new
ideas. You can always change. But it is essential to be
clean.
Do you think that cleaning house is nothing but an
unpleasant duty? This doesn't have to be so. Tum on your
favorite music and get going! You'll soon find out how
much at ease you and guest feel in a neat and tidy home
and how nice it is to always find your stuff. Letting go of
unnecessary things is also a must in the physical world. Our
body is able to take care of itself but is our responsibility
to take care of our home, without being fanatic about it,
though. All this is part of our living in this dimension.
And when we are able to accept this as a natural part of
our physical experience, our lives become more pleasant.
Being creative is another important factor in being physi­
cal. It actually helps to stimulate the energy that constantly
flows through the body. Unfortunately many people do not
consider themselves as creative. Being creative does not
mean you have to be a great artist. lt means to find a way
to express yourself and your feelings.
You are being creative if you see shapes in the clouds, if
you find a use for something that someone else discarded,
or if you repair something with wire or tape because of
necessity. Everything that people have created was out of
necessity. They needed something and created it! Because
we are attuned to the Creator and are part of that energy that
created us we are by nature creators ourselves! We create
families, societies, means of travel, and communication.
Extend this further and focus on the ways you can become
454
more creative. Remember the more you use your creative
energy the more creative energy will flow through you.
455
Learning to deal with the Emotions
{;)nany of our emotional experiences originate not only
U J l, from our existence here, but also from previous
lifetimes which are within our Souls taken into this life as
memories or experiences.
Emotions are a very essential part of existence. These
relate to every part of our being - how we physically look
and feel, how we mentally function to our ability to relate
to everyone and everything around us. It is easier to become
emotionally unbalanced than almost any other functions,
because the emotions are constantly in motion or use.
Life is an emotional roller coaster, constantly changing
as our experiences. The emotions take us up from one exis­
tence to another. The dimension that controls and supplies
the emotional body is the Astral Plane. To exist there is to
rely on the feelings and experiences and to exist in an
emotional state of consciousness. This is fine if you exist
on the astral in the astral body. However, it is difficult to
rely only on the emotions on the physical.
From birth we are affected by touch, taste, sight, sound,
and even smells. These senses supply us with our first emo­
tional patterns in this life. Basic emotional patterns are
reactions or responses to things around us, such as smiling
or laughing when we are content, crying in discomfort or
fear. Eventually we progress from basic emotional behavior
and create ties or bonds to people or comfort.
As we grow older we also encounter emotional crises
and create emotional conflicts in our relationship to people
within our daily life. One can even become emotionally
456
addicted to certain behaviors or comforts - even to other
people. Then emotional imbalance occurs. Also when we
no longer can control our emotional behavior we have an
imbalance. Sometimes these occurrences are caused by a
physical chemical imbalance.
Emotions have a lot to do with self-confidence. Many
find that because of some deep emotional traumas they
hav-edifficulty when encountering similar situations that
caused the trauma. Many spend their lives avoiding such
situations and running from these experiences. Sometimes
this behavior becomes habitual and one is not aware that
they are carrying unnecessary emotional baggage. Some
look to drugs, alcohol or some other emotionally stimulat­
ing activity as a means of escape. Others are institutional­
ized as a result of not understanding or being able to cope
emotionally. All these people can be helped.
As the emotional body is a primary important function we
should strive to be emotionally well and balanced. Mi§.:­
information, mistreatment and a lot of social teachings are
directl res o ble for many emotionally ill people.
Do not let all that you have Just rea nghten you into
an appointment with a psychotherapist or into doing self­
analysis yet. The first step to being emotionally happy and
balanced is to be able to understand why you feel like you
do. Perhaps it is simply that you are just finding out that
you are a Soul inhabiting a physical body, and to be able
to view yourself this way is a giant step!
All emotions are usually normal reactions. However,
we must not become so emotional that we lose control. It
is easy to become emotionally involved or attached. You
are your best judge as far as understanding your own emo­
tions. Sometimes in an emotional conflict we should only
take a break, step back and examine the situation. When
we feel that we are becoming too emotional we must learn
457
to control our own feelings. One of the biggest causes of
conflicts is trying to control or force other individuals to see
or feel the way we do.To recognize that each person has the
right to feel and think from their own perspective changes
a lot of conflicting situations to one of understanding and
acceptance. Always ask yourself about the way you are
reacting emotionally. You may be surprised at how much
of it is habit. You may find that you really feel different
after all.
Agood exercise for the emotions is to make a list of what
irritates you. Then list things that you fear. Then list what
makes you comfortable, happy and sad. Try to understand
these feelings and why you feel certain ways about certain
experiences. Try to overcome your fears with remember­
ing that you are an eternal Soul and that everything also is
relative. Try to understand anger and to imagine smiling
instead of feeling angry.
It helps to write down a real traumatic emotional situa­
tion that deeply affected you. Write it down and you have
released it. Then find someone to share it with, someone
you trust. You will be surprised at how much relief you feel.
We must all have emotional outlets or something we
enjoy doing for relaxing. It is good to also pamper yourself
sometimes - a good massage for example. This is always
physically and emotionally therapeutic. I like a nice scented
bath with candle light, incense and music. Of course medi­
tation is also very good for the emotions. For a special
meditation procedure read the chapter about Karma.
You will find that if you can control your emotions you
will function better socially and it will do wonders for your
career. Of course understanding how you function emotion­
ally does wonders for personal relationships as well.
Personal relationships with family, close friends or a
partner rely on you being honest about your feelings and
458
dealing with conflicts as uncontrolled emotions happen, not
letting them build up until there is an overload and having
angry outbursts. If someone says or does something which
hurts or upsets you then you should say so calmly at the
moment. Letting people know how you feel is important. If
you have a family member or a past friendship that ended
in hard feelings it is important to solve this by contacting,
writing or talking to them. If this is no longer possible,
because the person doesn't live in a physical body anymore,
you can do this in your imagination as well. If you don't,
this conflict will stay with you creating an unnecessary
karmic debt or tie.
As a more aware person you are responsible for your
actions and situations. It is up to you to make the first step
to clear up misunderstandings and conflicts. This way you
free yourself of this. Even if the other person refuses to
accept their part or does not want to discuss it or forgive
then you are still free as you have taken the responsibility
for your part and made an effort. Then it is only their prob­
lem as you have taken care of your involvement. You have
freed yourself of the unnecessary emotional baggage and
solved your pa1t. You can only be responsible for yourself
and do what you know is correct for you and your well­
being. You are not responsible for their reaction or lack of
understanding. Each individual must be responsible for
themselves. They must choose their own way and find their
own truths. We must accept their way and they must accept
our way - without judgments. Because to judge is not to
let them be as they choose.
X9u can never force another person to see things your
waY:._As individuals we all have our own perspectives and
feelings. No two Souls are the same; no two human beings
are the same. We must learn to accept and know this to be
true. You can only change your own perspective working
459
on yourself. However, you can always share your under­
standing with others as you should do. Perhaps you can
learn to see things from another perspective. If quarrel
arises because of different opinions you may consider that
perhaps both are correct, just because they are individuals
and therefore different.
We should realize that there are no superior race or
people, no superior knowledge, no superior religion, no
superior country or world, that we all are here for the same
reason to experience and learn in the physical world all we
can, so that we may begin to learn in other dimensions
what we cannot comprehend here; when we learn to accept
another's right to his or her individual feelings, emotions
and veins, then we can begin to have a mere balanced
emotional self.
It is important to recognize the different emotions anger, fear, joy, aggression, pain. They all are important.
You must be able to have them all and accept them, not
become too involved so that you as Soul do not have con­
trol. You can always become overindulgent - that is not
balanced - but only you as a person know your own indi­
vidual limits. You are the only one who can control them.
You must find your own balance.
Some people overeat, overdrink, oversmoke - even
indulge too much or become addicted to anything like for
example sex. Persons even become addicted to each other
or situations out of habit, not wanting it so much but using
it to compensate for some emotional lack or need. This is a
danger. But when we learn about our emotions and under­
stand them, we are able to see if we are using something
or overdoing out of emotional attachment. It is important
to be able to see our faults.
So sit down and ask yourself a few questions about your
behavior: Do you react emotionally out of habit or do you
460
really feel that way? Have you become overindulgent? Can
you recognize when you have no emotional control?
Answer these questions on a separate paper. Also write
down what your definition of love is. Write down all you
can about all your feelings. Do you do things that you really
enjoy or what others expect of you? Look in the mirror and
ask: Who am I? Am I someone whom I know or someone
that has been created by other's ideas of me? Do not let
other people control your life. Set your own standards. Do
not try to compete or be other than what you are and what
you want. You have the right to feel and act the way that
really makes your life easier and to be happy. You will
feel much better when you recognize and accept all your
feelings as a part of you!
Learn to be like a baby. They can express themselves
without being self-conscious - even loudly -, either dis­
comfort or joy. Both are a part of life. The baby loves every
part of its body and the processes. They do not worry if they
will be loved or how they look. They only love and want
to be loved. For what you send out - returns!
461
What effect the Causal has
'ltie causal dimension does directly and indirectly affect
J our lives. This is where all the records of your past
incarnations are kept. Those who are spiritually adept and
advanced have access to these records which are also
referred to as akashic records. Each Soul can reach this
level of consciousness. Many individuals and spiritual
groups actually do past life therapy and readings. These
are often referred to as akashic readings. Also many have
experienced past life regressions on sessions. Sometimes
these are helpful to learn about one's experiences and
relationships within this lifetime by learning about one's
past experiences, as they give a clear picture of one's rela­
tionships and experiences that are taking place now, to
detennine if it is a karmic or an unneeded experience that
one has created.
You as an individual do create and choose your own life
and experiences even if you do not consciously remember.
Nothing happens by chance. Each Soul before incarnation
chooses the life they are to live based on past connec­
tions to other Souls and particular experiences one needs
to advance.
All these past choices, lives and experiences are stored
in the causal bodies on the causal dimension which is a
part of all Souls. Sometimes the psychologists refer to it
as the subconscious mind.
If Soul chooses a life experience but does not learn from
the experience and does not advance, then unnecessary
repetition occurs. Unfortunately this takes place much too
462
often - due to the limited teachings in societies here. If you
do not know yourself to be Soul and are not aware of the
other dimensions, you do not know that you choose this
experience, which makes it more difficult to learn. Then
you spend a great deal of time struggling, feeling confused,
not understanding why you are here.
Once you learn to accept that you chose to be here, once
you stop struggling against the experiences and see them
as something for your own advancement then you are on
your way - no longer stuck in the experiences. When you
lack understanding, you become emotionally involved and
mentally stressed - usually resulting in creating even more
karmic debts for yourself] The statement that an experience
that does not kill you will make you stronger is correct!
Leaming to accept each experience as an opportunity for
learning is a great step in making life easier to understand.
There are many keys to oneself recorded on the Causal
Plane. Every Soul has the ability to read their own past. I
encourage this greatly, for all of one's past lives have much
to do with what one is now and where one is now!
As Soul you have the ability to visit all of the dimensions
of that I talk here. Soul has no limits except those which
it creates itself. The Soul can at will leave the physical and
travel to any destination. You have a body for Soul to
exist in on each dimension. That body corresponds to that
particular dimension's vibrations for the protection of
Soul, so that Soul can and does have a vehicle for each
plane of dimension.
In the chapter "Mantras and their Benefits" I have laid
out for you these dimensions and their correlating mantras.
These mantras change the vibration of Soul and allow it
to experience and travel to the dimension they represent.
One must of course ask for one's own spiritual protector
to keep the physical body free of unwanted entities. Also
463
tell your conscious mind that you will remember all you
see, hear and experience. Sometimes the mind refuses to
accept that which has not been programmed or is accepted
as logical or believed in the physical realm! To reconnect
the causal self with the conscious thinking mind one must
insist that one will remember. Why? Because the mind is
a tool for creating and recording. Soul is in charge. Too
many believe that the mind is what is in control. What a
mistake! But that is because the ones who wish to control
want most to believe this. However, once we start to learn
the truth, we are in control, not controlled! Then we no
longer believe what others tell us. We know better. You
t kuaw - not believe. To believe something is subje<:,_
to change. To know is unchangeable.
" If you practice meditation regularly you begin to become
adept in Soul Travel (you find more about Soul Travelling
in the chapter "Soul Travel Technique"). If you demand
for the mind to remember an experience you reconnect the
causal to the mind. You also put Soul in full control as it
should be, for you are Soul.
You need to understand all of your experiences, past
and present, in order to be complete. One must accept all
that one has done and been as a part of what one is. Every
experience, whether it be divided into negative or positive,
are valuable experiences that Soul needs for perfection here
in the physical. Soul can then advance to learn in the other
dimensions beyond this physical that which this body and
brain cannot comprehend.
If we reconnect all the selves within this body - the
physical, emotional, mental, causal and the etheric self and see that all these experiences and all these selves are
part of Soul's experience then we can begin to see how vast
our universes are, how great we all are and how wonderful
it is to be connected with all things created and be a part of
that which created all! So accept the causal as an important
part of all Souls, for it has the key to that which we were
and that which we are. Then we can really know our true
selves as Soul.
-
464
465
The Mental Process
'1he mental process is a process for recording and remem­
J bering based on what you learn as a part of functioning
in this particular existence. While the Astral Plane is based
on emotions is thinking the base of the mental.
The mind and brain are much like a computer which
must be programmed or fed with information - usually
language, mathematics, and logic. Most information is
based on what concepts are physically accepted as reality.
Many scientists, doctors and teachers focus on the mental
process of learning. If a person becomes too mental then
anything that is not logical is rejected. Therefore we must
understand and use the mental process but not become so
caught up in it that we do not allow ourselves to understand
concepts beyond the physical existence.
Most great scientists and inventors of the past were
visionaries. They allowed for the possibility of realities
beyond logic or accepted concepts. They were great think­
ers but also had learned to work from higher levels such as
intuition and gained great perspectives ofso called reality.
Einstein was such a man. He allowed himself to over­
come the logic of accepted reality and go beyond to think
that perhaps there was existence beyond the physical under­
standing. He realized that time and space are man-made
concepts.
Nikola Tesla went beyond the accepted concepts of
energy and found new sources of energy yet to be discov­
ered or understood by most scientists of today.
Unfortunately most people only learn within their lim466
ited borders of reality and have to repeat so many lessons
as they are not really thinking as an individual. They go
through their lives accepting what they were taught and
do not believe anything else, much like robots. Repeating
the programs that were given them they learn from the
teachers, parents, churches, culture, and the leaders of their
societies. They accept that they are white, black, yellow,
red- protestant, catholic, Jewish etc., or they are European,
American, Asian. Then they are socialists, democratic,
republican or left wing never asking if they really believe
this, only repeating what they hear and finally consider it
to be their own viewpoint. Even to be prejudiced is also
learned.
The mental or thinking process was to be used as a tool
for learning and creating. However, it has been manipulated
by our societies as a means of controlling people, not allow­
ing them to think for themselves but being programmed to
fit into the scheme of designs and organizations of those
who control. They are successful because most people fall
into the trap. The trap being that you have no choice but
to believe or be a certain way in order to fit in and be
accepted by those around you. You believe you are victims
of circumstances and need these agencies of control to exist
here. In a way perhaps it is true - due to the fact that you
contribute and support this world by thinking the way those
who control want you to think!
How can you overcome it? It is really simple: Ask your­
self questions about what you really believe. Do you indeed
think that certain Souls inhabiting a certain colored body
makes them inferior? Do their religious beliefs really make
them good or bad? If they are also the result of their soci­
ety's programming are they not also victims? You are only
a victim if you accept their truths as your own. Do not be
a creature of habit going through life like a robot repeat467
ing the programmed messages like an answering machine.
Wake up. Take a stand for yourself. Change your perspec­
tive! Allow yourself to really think about what you believe.
The difference between you of Earth and us of Venus is
that we do not believe something to be true. We know it to
be so and understand the truth.
What is reality? Reality is only the perspective or view
of someone or something. In order ta uuciecstamou must
be able to change your point of view, to accept that each
individual ha5Jhe.ir OWILYi oLpersn,ective of reality.
An example: You can look at a chair and it is small
enough to sit on it for us human beings. To an insect it
is very large and it can take much time to travel from the
leg to the seat! It feels solid to us, however, to a photon
it is only a collection of atoms and the photon can pass
through! To us it looks stationary or still. But if you are in
a spaceship in space the chair is spinning with the planet!
To people in other countries they cannot see the chair! Yet
it exists in your reality. So your perspective of the chair is
relative to your point of view only. That is your reality, but
not the only reality!
So we must learn to accept other views of reality and
allow ourselves to think in terms that do not seem logical.
We must not challenge other's concepts ofreality but accept
it as their view of reality. We all can only experience our
own point of view. Each individual has the right to their
own view or experience. Now you can see how we can
learn to change our perspective or view.
Next we must learn how to overcome the limitations of
what we think we have learned! Leaming is a never ending
process. Even when this temporary existence of life cycle
is finished you still learn on other levels of consciousness
that are beyond your limited human concepts.
Remember there is no superior person, culture, religion,
468
only choices that we make. However, maybe you are taught
that one religion, race or country is better than another.
These are mental concepts and do not exist in reality. When
I see or meet someone I do not see a black Christian or a
white Catholic and so on. I see a Soul inhabiting a physical
body. Many are caught up in concepts of themselves. We
are all in the learning process and much of how you think
are other people's concepts, not your own. However, many
of you have accepted these concepts as your own.
Also remember that if you believe and accept these con­
cepts and believe that there is such a thing as superiority
then you create much tension and conflicts in your life. To
be superior one must find fault with others that they
consider less superior. Therefore conflicts arise and dis­
agreements over beliefs. However, when you see things
from Soul's level you know that these are false concepts,
not truth. The truth is that whatever an individual chooses
to study or satisfies their needs is good for them and they
have the right to choose for themselves, just as you do.
There are many teachings available on Earth, because
there exist so many levels of consciousness. One can only
find what they can relate to or understand according to their
individual consciousness! Therefore it is correct for them.
However, you can change your consciousness and then you
will find that you are no longer satisfied with many things
you learned. That is advancement!
When you expand your consciousness, then you begin
to seek new answers to new questions. However, many
never advance; they only believe whatever they were told
and continue their life stuck in the program that was given
them by parents, teachers and society.
It is possible to change the thinking process. If you wish
to be all that you were created to be, you must be willing
to change and grow! Realize if you can that whatever you
469
think or imagine is reality. If not yet in the physical it
already exists on one of the higher dimensions.
We are now experiencing realities that your great­
grandparents could not conceive of - such as computers,
cable TV, satellites, space travel. At one time these were only
existing possibilities. However, someone knew that it could
exist and because they thought and imagined these concepts
they became realit:itl)
So the power to change your world lies in each indi­
vidual, it only needs the desire to make the change happen.
So the future lies in yourself and the ability to create this by
your thoughts. Remember wherever your attention goes the
energy flows. So if you focus attention on negative issues
you reinforce it with your energy. So you must make an
tlfort to consciously focus your energy and thoughts on
what you really desire.
Most people have been programmed to unconsciously
focus on the negative. That is why Earth has so many
troubles within its societies. You must change the think­
ing process and reprogram yourself to use your energy in
a constructive and positive way.
We have many abilities that lie dormant because they
are never stimulated or used. Mental telepathy is possible
for all, except that in your societies they are not considered
common but rare gifts; most people believe that qp]y a fo
possess such powers. In reality there are many abilities
that you are created with but they cannot be used until you
know it to be so.
Now the question is: How can I stop believing and learn
to know? I am including at the end of this chapter a program
to replace all the misinformation. However, remember it
takes an effort of will. No matter how much important
information you receive it is useless unless it is applied to
your life daily. So the choice is yours.
470
Continue to be a robot or be a real individual able to
think and create your own reality.
471
How-to-just-be-Program
lam
In the present - the now
All is perfect, whole and balanced.
I don't believe in old limitations and lacks.
I don't judge but accept and understand.
I am as I was created to be - perfect and whole.
Free of the past it has no control only to learn from it.
I open myself to the wisdom that is part of that which cre­
ated me and is part of me and within me.
I move on to the new, forward to release old patterns.
The more resentment I release, the more I can receive and
give love.
I love all as I wish to be loved. I see myself as an individual
- unique and special.
All my experiences have formed the facets of the special
jewel like no other which is myself.
I see myself as Soul and this body only as a vehicle for
this world.
I am part of the Creator and the energy that I come from.
Every day I am what I choose and think thoughts that create
what I choose. I allow all to be what they choose.
I am balanced in all I do.
I am not a victim of circumstances or other's standards but
the master of my destiny. I am whole. I achieve the
greatness that I am.
472
The Function of the Etheric Body
CI'iie etheric is the first dimension Soul crosses when
J leaving the pure spiritual planes. It is the division
between the non-material or pure energy and the mate­
rial dimensions. It is the first body Soul has for protection
in the lower material worlds, planes or dimensions. It is
also the dimension that controls our concepts of faith in
the Supreme Being as God. It directly is responsible for
our ability to know ourselves as Soul and to allow us to
understand our divine connection to the Creator.
All saints, spiritual leaders and masters draw their
energy from the etheric. It is each Soul's direct contact to
spirituality. It allows us to know and believe in God. It is an
essential and necessary link to our spiritual development.
It is from there that we have the surge of faith and ultimate
spiritual power to believe and know of the power of God,
to be able to feel it and use it to convince others. It is the
connection of Soul to the higher Godworlds! Here it is
where all spiritual energy flows from the place where Soul
and all that is began. It is our divine link to the Creator.
All miracles, the power of prayer, healing and the will
to be great begins. This is the dimension that we strive to
reach ultimately before we are spiritually complete in
these lower worlds as we journey back to that which we
came from!
We journey from that which created us, not aware that
we are to experience ultimately through thousands of incar­
nations, that we are a part of that which created us, but with
the knowledge that we are, and an understanding of that
473
which created all and the aim to become a part of it and
become creators ourselves.
Much of this knowledge falls into oblivion once we
reincarnate into a new body with a new mind and have to
spend a long time to become acquainted with it and to learn
how to use it and understand all the new experiences. So
therefore much is stored away in the subconscious selves
which operate and experience much in the non-material
worlds as Soul whereas our conscious mind knows very
little of this great knowledge, ever seeking that which is
already in us.
Few Souls reincarnate with all knowledge and experi­
ences intact, not separated but whole and fully aware of
all. These are the ones who no longer have to return into
the physical but choose to come and share all with those
who open themselves and desire to know, bringing with
them the truth of our creation.
Of course, there are those who laugh and ridicule these
individuals and it is a struggle to overcome these difficulties.
It takes perseverance and strength for there is a constant
battle between the negative powers which rule the lower
worlds and those who bring truth and light. However, inside
most is the deep feeling that they know what we bring to be
true. This is the etheric self trying to reconnect all the experi­
ences of the true self to the physical self that resides here!
Many great spiritual beings have come and gone and
will continue to do so until all Souls are enlightened and
the Earth eventually changes to the divine place it should
be - with all beings here understanding and accepting each
other as Soul and disregarding the division created by the
controlling factors here,just as time is a man-made concept
to divide one's days and years here. In reality it does not
exist. Your time here in one's life is equal to a grain of sand
for Soul is eternal and shall always be.
474
So it is vital that you reconnect to the etheric and over­
come the so called subconscious self and connect all within
you so that there is no division anymore.
475
The Soul - the real I
f1n the past chapters I have been driving home this point
::Jof understanding yourself as Soul.
For those who do not understand our concepts of the
creation of Soul I have a simple concept which I will dis­
close to you. I have tried to help you understand all the
parts of yourself that you know of - the physical, emo­
tional, mental, causal, etheric, and now Soul, the real you.
All these are necessary parts of a human being to help you
function. Soul is the essence, the part that remains in
control and intact always, life after life. Even though you
have a connection to all living entities you were created
as an individual and shall always be so, because each Soul
has its own individual experiences that will not even be the
same as the ones of another!
When we learn to change our perspective and view life
and experiences and others as Soul, from a Soul point of
view, we have the great ability to view things as a whole,
not separated, not from the emotional, mental or personal
life situation, but with a greater understanding of ourselves
and a greater acceptance and understanding of other Souls
as unique individuals, without judgment or resentment but
acceptance and love - as it was meant to be.
The concept of creation is as follows:
Take a centrifuge which is used to spin material at a fast
rate or speed. Then you put into this centrifuge rocks, sand
and water, and you will see that the materials begin
toseparate. The rocks which are a heavier material will fly
to the outer edge of the centrifuge, and as you look toward
476
the center you see less and less material - the sand, then
water and in the m;dst only air.
This is like the dimensions. The material of our physi­
cal world could be compared to the rocks - lying on the
outmost edge, and each lighter material representing the
dimensions above the physical or beyond the physical. The
center part, the air, represents the pure spiritual or non­
material dimension. This could be compared to the God
planes or the place of creation!
All energy spins in a spiral like formation, even galaxies.
This is the secret of creation, for all energy fonns a vortex
around all living things creating its own magnetic field. So
every living thing is not unlike a planet as it has its own
vortex of energy.
The Creator is not a being but a great intelligent mass of
the most powerful energy and with unimaginable knowl­
edge. To be sure that It would never cease to exist It pro­
created from Itself all the universes, galaxies, life forms
and Souls to continue in a never ending cycle of evolution
and recreation.
We as Souls are part of this plan to build, grow, and
continue to gain knowledge, power and be ornnipowerful
and omnipresent always without end, and there is no end
to the creation or evolution of Souls. We are and always
shall be flowing like a spiral from what we were created,
to learn, grow, become powerful and eventually return and
become a part once again of the power that created us,
only with knowledge and experience that we lacked in the
beginning of our journey. So we shall always be a part of
that which created us and that is why we must eventually
learn to create what we wish - be it for the good of all that
we are a part of.
When Soul was first created it was only pure energy,
light, that did not know it existed. So it began its journey
477
from the center of the creation down - across the etheric,
the causal, the mental, the astral, and the first stop, the
physical.
Remember: The etheric allows Soul to remember and
feel its spiritual connection, the causal to store its experi­
ences on all dimensions, the mental to be able to think,
record and communicate, the astral tofeel, then the physical
to experience all these functions in order to learn from each
life incarnation.
So Soul is sheathed and protected on its journey by a
corresponding body from each of the before mentioned
dimensions. How wonderful and great it is to be!
When Soul first came to the physical it was not in the
human form, oh no, sorry to disappoint you. There is an
evolutionary cycle that must be followed as all living things
do. Even planets as you may have read in my book "From
Venus I Came" go through cycles of evolution!
So when Soul first arrived in the physical on whatever
planet in whatever system it first went into the state of being
and experiencing as a mineral, yes mineral, the mineral
state of existence. Soul has to be every mineral on every
planet in every solar system and serve a purpose in every
existence before it can advance. What? I can hear the gasps.
What a blow to the ego to be a lowly mineral! Well, Soul
must be everything in order to understand everything!
Experience is the only true teacher. So use your imagina­
tion. What experiences can a mineral have? What purposes
can a mineral have? Well, there are minerals in water, for
plants, for animals, for humans. What about rocks for
homes, tools, jewels? Wow, there are many possibilities
we overlook being the great humans we now are! So Soul
spends some thousands of years incarnating over and over
in different mineral states waiting for the opportunity to
serve a purpose, for its existence has to mean something. I
478
know on one hand it is frightening, on the other amusing.
Actually it is quiet beneficial.
Finally after you as Soul have exhausted all the pos­
sibilities of being a mineral you graduate and advance to
the plant stage. Now you go through the same procedure
being all the plants, serving all the possible or imaginable
purposes on every planet, everywhere. You can for example
be a tree providing timber for the construction of houses,
or a vegetable being food for other beings, or a beautiful
flower. Is it not delightful, to find out how vast our history
really is!
Just as before when you have no more plant options left
you get to incarnate as an animal! How delightful! Of
course you get to be wild, domestic, serve as food or musi­
cians or beauty. But you must be all - fowl, fish, bird and
mammals,just as before everywhere within all the known
and unknown universes or galaxies.
Finally after this you get to become the wonderful human
being - or sometimes not so wonderful. For as before you
must be all that human beings can be, all races, sexes,
mentalities or lack of. That means being evil, a murderer,
retarded, a genius, a musical-artist and so on; you name it;
this you have been or will be. Are you exhausted by the
idea yet?
Well, do not be discouraged. By now most of you have
almost all of this been in the past, otherwise you would
not be evolved enough to read this or be interested. Does
that make you feel better? I hope so, for no matter what
you have experienced or been, you are still a unique Soul.
Between all these mind-reeling lifetimes, and before
Soul is reincarnated in any new cycle of its chosen destiny,
the it has a period ofrest on a special part of the astral realm
where it is tended to by older Souls who have chosen this
as their own particular mission after their physical incarna479
tions are complete. These angelic like beings care for and
help Souls choose and adjust to their new life to be. It is
like a nursery for Souls, where the Soul recovers from the
previous life cycle and prepares for the next. It is a place
of recuperation and regeneration through love and devotion
of these special care-takers.
I have come to make it already here and now easier for
you, for the more you learn now the less you have to go
through!
Now as you have learned being a human being is more
complicated because you form families and sometimes
relationships - be it personal or within work - that you
may or may not want. However, you cannot blame anyone
for you have free will and choices, unfortunately many are
made because of confusion or a feeling you have to, most
are made because you have not been properly infonned or
you have been misinformed, unfortunately.
That is exactly why I wrote this book to help you. If
your head is reeling by now, take a break, meditate, have
a drink, a walk or whatever you do to relax.
Now you have an idea of what it is like to be Soul as we
all are. It is very important to never forget, to remember
this just till the end of your life here. This gives you the
opportunity to advance faster. I hope it also helps you to
understand yourselves on all levels as it was meant to do, so
that you can have a greater perspective and help create with
your own presence and power the world as it should be with room and acceptance for all Souls in all forms. Seeing
as how we have all been these different life forms should
we not have greater compassion and love for all things that
are? Should we not love and accept every Soul and respect
them for their individual struggles to exist? Should we not
t t
hose confused by the information they receive?
Is it not our duty as ones who know more, to share an
480
-
-
he] those who are wandering around, committing terrible
in'ustices towar others? You mus understan t at wit
owledge comes responsibility for how we continue to
be! For 1t we know better, we shall be better. There is no
good nor evil, only ignorance.
However, it is not to be used to be superior but to
enlighten and be always thankful to our Creator for allow­
ing us to know what is true and right. That is being Soul,
the real you!
481
l
The Laws of the Supreme Deity
ere are seven basic laws and seven divine laws of the
Jsupreme Deity.
The seven basic laws are:
ings or societies, but encompass all life existences, and
they do not interfere with any social or religious beliefs.
These laws allow for individual choices and freedom
where ever Soul is at any time. Soul can still abide by the
teachings or laws of chosen spiritual paths or societies.
The "Laws of the Supreme Deity"* also help one to
advance with acceptance instead of judgment of other liv­
ing entities - to better understand them from a Soul's point
of existence as the Supreme Creator intends and allows us
to exist!
I. Know ourselves to be part of the Creator.
2. Be thankful for the experience of existing.
3. Not judge but accept all beings.
4. To know we have existed as all living forms.
5. Fulfill our responsibilities in each life cycle.
6. Obey laws of nature and societies in which we exist.
7. Learn from mistakes so as not to repeat old lessons.
The seven divine laws are:
I. Love all living creations.
2. Use our energy to support our worlds.
3. Share knowledge and wisdom.
4. Understand the equality of all Souls.
5. Never use power to manipulate or control.
6. Know that Soul is immortal.
7. Give thanks to the One Divine Being daily.
These laws have existed since creation began. If one knows,
remembers and lives according to the laws of the Supreme
Deity, it is possible to overcome much Karma and have a
vast overview of oneself in relation to all existence. Unlike
man-made rules these do not apply to only limited teach482
*
See also part I "From Venus I Came", chapter 2, page 41ff
483
About Karma
9/anna is perhaps often misunderstood. Many regard
J\; Karma as a punishment for past or present deeds.
In reality Karma can be positive or difficult experiences.
Karma also can be rewards for positive deeds or actions.
All depends on the individual Soul - the awareness, the
experiences and the responsibilities of each particular Soul.
The more aware one is and the more responsible one
becomes toward one's own actions and relations, has a lot
to do as to the amount of Karma one accumulates whether
it be negative or positive. This is why I keep repeating
throughout this book and in my encounters with individuals
the importance ofrecognizing one's own part in misunder­
standings and involvement with family, loved ones and
mere acquaintances. The more we keep our relationships
clear, harmonious and balanced, the less we have attach­
ments and ties with other Souls. This eliminates unneces­
sary Karma or lessons. The more we take care now, the
faster we can progress, because we then do not need to
repeat experiences we have not yet learned or taken on
responsibility.
Basic Karma is accumulated not only in the physical but
on the other dimensions as well. This is necessary for each
Soul's development and interaction with other Souls. So
basic Karma is carried with us to help achieve and learn.
Unnecessary Karma is unlike basic Karma. It is created
in past and present life situations through attachments to
emotional situations and the lack of understanding of the
importance of our part in clearing these up before we end
484
that particular life cycle. Any unfinished business does not
cease with the existence of our particular body in any life
cycle. ft must be cleared either through reincarnation in the
physical - with whom ever - or on another dimension as
you encounter the Soul or Souls with whom you still have
something to clear.
Then there is good Karma that which one reaps in turn
for selfless caring for others and for good deeds. Good
Karma can be through sacrifice whether it be emotional,
mental, physical and so on. But it must not be done so as
to get a reward but as a true unselfly act. If one's life cycle
ends then the good Karma can be awarded or experienced
on other dimensions or in a future physical incarnation.
The difficult part is to always to take care to keep one's
relationships balanced and free of traumatic unsolved
situations, and not to become too egoistical or attached to
people, material wealth, or to feel superior in any way. For
all experiences are for our benefit and learning - not to
belittle others or control. In reality from a Soul's point of
view the negative and positive does not exist. All expe­
riences arc relative and important for the balancing and
perfection of the Soul.
I have used the examples of basic Karma - negative and
good - to help you understand that Karma is not a punish­
ment but more of a result of your individual life choices
and involvement with others Souls on your journey from
creation into your physical existences. It is also effective
in the other dimensions, in case you no longer have to be
part of the physical. However, all depends on you - on your
choices and how much you learn, accomplish, and - most
of all - the responsibility that you accept in these life cycles
and experiences.
So Karma is only the result of cause and effect. You
always want to be the cause, not the effect.
485
A lot of what I experienced was not because of my own
Karma, but the influence of being a child within the karmic
relationship between my stepfather and my mother. I felt a
strong urge to protect my mother, she should be protected
from a violent man. I was placed in this situation to learn
about the emotional stress that people go through. Even
though there is a lot of suffering involved, we learn a lot
by going through a traumatic experience. It gives us the
ability to have compassion for others in similar situations.
You don't need to be a victim all of your life. Try to find
out whether a recurring situation is necessary for you to
learn a certain lesson, how you can learn from it and how
to break the circle. A problem coming up again and again
is a karmic problem that you need to resolve. And it will
appear again and again until you have learned the lesson.
Deliberately question it and reject anything that is no longer
necessary. As soon as you stop struggling against a difficult
situation and accept it as a valuable learning experience,
life gets easier.
In the penultimate chapter you will find a "Spiritual
Journey" - a visualization exercise that can help to look
at a problem from a distance and to let go of it if it is no
longer necessary.
Spirituality and Religions
{7) eligions' are like steps on the path to God. I understand
V\;
and respect all religions and l believe that their place
in the societies is very important.
Being part of a religion which is established in our
social structures is part of the individual learning process
and growth. All religions impart a sense of purpose and
faith in a higher power to those who feel connected to it.
Basically, the religions teach to do good, to be kind and
understanding. They are therefore very valuable, as they
give guidelines to people on how to be a good person.
A younger Soul has a need for guidance by certain guide­
lines to help it focus on what it considers to be good and
correct. Without this outer guidance, it would lack the nec­
essary means of alignment for its own life. Religions can
be lifelong means of orientation. More mentally oriented
people find their guidelines and their valid answers in sci­
ence. They only believe what can be scientifically proved
and what is matches their own concepts of logic. They don't
accept miracles and don't believe in the spiritual worlds.
Other people's beliefs are limited to the material worlds
* The tenn "religion" leads back to lat. religare = reconnect and can be
interpreted as the "reconnection with God". According to the author, the
spiritual name "Omnec Onec" means "Spiritual Rebound". It could be
said that Omnec conveys spiritual information independently and
provides a comprehensive range of content with the intention to trigger
the inner reconnection of the individual with his true, divine self, Soul.
Compared to this, many religions are more structured and connected to
outer forms and belief regulations. (publisher's comment)
486
487
l
and their need for spiritual wisdom is very limited. Many
believe that death is the final end.
As Soul develops, it will come to a point where it can
accept and absorb more comprehensive information. In
these times of change, development is speeding up and
many shadows come to the surface. This happens because
much more light and love than ever before is reaching
Earth. One effect of this process is that many people are
losing faith in the established religions and become very
anxious. They have more and more questions that their
religions cannot answer.
The original intention of the Creator or God, as I under­
stand It, is to allow free will to people to chose their own
experiences. Many churches and religions limit this free
will by their rules, regulations, and structures. They deprive
the individual from his free will to chose what is right for
him. From the perspective of the Supreme Deity there is
no good and no bad, as everything serves the purpose of
Souls experience and development- and there is no judg­
ment, whatsoever.
Spirituality is different from religiousness. Religions
usually are limited to what you may or may not do and
believe. Spirituality on the other is much broader, because
you learn to use your own energy and to be an individual,
free person. As long as you are drawn to a certain religion
and follow its rules, you cannot be free in the same way.
If you decide toopen yourself to more extensive, spiritual
infonnation as given in my books, these information will
enhance all you have learned from your previous religious
teachings. Everything you know from experience is very
valuable, as these are now your own individual teachings
which you can share with others. Sharing is an important
part of being human and supports the balance of Soul.
488
Meditation and Contemplation
day meditation is lumped together with esoteric and
J
new age concepts. The opposite is true. It is very ancient
and universally known. It is one of the oldest practices and
yet had to be reintroduced because of dominating religious
organization's condemnation of its use in the past. It was
associated with pagan teachings or occult uses. In reality it
was and is used to focus on the inner self and to view the
other dimensions not related to the physical.
Meditation is a way to tune into that energy source that
gives the life force to all that is, to become aware of it and
become a part of it, to be able to direct and control the
forces that already exist within and about oneself.
We are not victims of circumstances as the ones who
wish to control us wish us to believe. We have a choice to
be the creators of our destinies. As Soul we have free will
over every experience and everything we encounter in our
journey through our many incarnations. So do not be a
victim of circumstances, but master of your destiny!
Meditation Techniques
There are many meditation procedures. Being unique and
individual you must experiment and find one that is ben­
eficial and works for you.
The Sufis spiral around spinning rapidly until the physi­
cal body collapses and Soul is believed to be sent spiraling
away! There is the yogi who has a special cross-legged
sitting position. You may lie on your back or sit comfort­
ably in a chair. I believe it is important to be as comfort489
able as possible, so that you do not experience a cramp or
an uncomfortable part of your body. The back should be
straight but not stiff. The hands should touch or fingers
clasped, thumbs touching. Feet should also be touching or
iflying down cross the legs. This creates a channel through
which the energy flow is directed. It flows from the crown
chakra* down to the feet and then around the body through
the hands. By all these parts touching the energy can create a
vortex all around the physical self. Of course you can
concentrate on one specific chakra if desired.
You should focus the attention on the area just above
and between the eyes - as if there were a viewing screen
there. Focus with the mind, not with the physical eyes. You
should always take three deep cleansing breaths to relief
tension and rid the body of negative energy.
Soft music is helpful to play and focus on after you
repeat your selected mantra (see chapter "Mantras and their
Benefits"). There are many CDs for meditation available.
Choose ten to thirty minutes that can be uninterrupted
and quiet. Earplugs are also helpful. You can meditate
anytime that you choose or even while lying in bed as
preparing to sleep. If you fall asleep it is alright as most
of us learn on the other dimensions while in a dream state.
Contemplation
Contemplation means that you are pondering a particular
issue by consciously dwelling on it. You can contem­
plate about a problem or anything that's on your mind by
inwardly taking an in-depth look at it. If you are working
on a business project, go into contemplation and just focus
your attention on the subject. Being an active mental pro-
cess, contemplation helps you to open yourself for spiritual
experiences.
In contemplation, keep your attention focused in one
direction and absorb all you can physically, emotionally,
mentally and spiritually from whatever you focus on or
choose as a focus point. You can also behold a star, a candle,
a crystal, a river, the sky - even on another person. Learn
to just be and be free to experience whatever you can.
Experiences in Meditation or Contemplation
Experiences in meditation or contemplation are subtle and
you have tocondition the senses to respond and the subcon­
scious mind has to be programmed. To rely on the experi­
ences to the physical, mental and emotional experiences
you must repeat to yourself that you wish to remember
what you experience, see or hear. Also always ask for your
spiritual protector or guide to ensure that you are safe from
unwanted disembodied entities.
Notice any lights, patterns, sounds or change in feel­
ings. Do not have expectations,just learn to experience and
accept. Relax and enjoy. Remember do not compare your
experience to someone else's experience. You are an indi­
vidual and must have your own experience. Be adventurous
and try different tfchniques. You may create your own way!
Some people find looking at nature a source of inspira­
tion and a kind of meditation. Others find dancing is a way.
You must learn about yourself and what really inspires you.
* You find more infonnation about the chakras in the chapter "Man­
tras and their Benefits"
490
491
Soul Travel Technique
G'f hile the so-called astral projection limits the experi­
W ence to the astral dimension, Soul Travel allows
temporarily the departure of Soul from the physical exis­
tence. Astral projection means to leave the physical body
in the astral body which is attached to the physical by the
silver chord. Unlike this the Soul Travel technique enables
you to leave the physical body without the connection of
the silver chord. You travel with light and sound and have
access to any dimension you wish, where you can gain
knowledge or make an experience for the benefit of Soul
while still existing in the physical.
In the next chapter I have made available to you mantras
for each existing dimension including the physical realm.
Each dimension actually has many divisions that would
take many years of exploring to understand and recognize
and of which I could write a whole book. Paul Twitch­ ell,
the founder of Eckankar, has described them within
numerous individual lessons for students. His books are
available'.
I have condensed the different levels for simplicity
to fit our busy lifestyles wjthout losing the essence. For
thousands of years these were secret teachings taught by
many chosen spiritual masters from many worlds and many
* The books by Paul Twitchell and the current Living ECK Master
Harold Klemp are available in bookstores and online directly via the
publisher DAS GUTE BUCH www.dasgutebuch.net (Europe), or
www.eckankar.org(outside Europe.)
492
cultures. They are ancient - older than Earth. They were
brought here and placed under protection by ancient mas­
ters of the spiritual hierarchy so that they always would
exist and not fall into the control of ones who manipulate
or wish to keep them for selfish reasons from the common
people.
In the early 1940s and 50s the plans were laid to make
these teachings available to the masses, as it was known
that eople's consciousness was changing and the New Age
was nearing. 1s 1s now also part of my mission along
with many other teachers today, so that truth can prevail
over the negative powers that control Souls with fear as a
tool for manipulation. At least each Soul has available the
choice once again!
The first step is of course to recognize that you are Soul,
not the physical body or mind. The second step is knowing
of the different dimensions and the mantras for each one.
The third step is to practice daily the meditation procedures.([)
But above all is the desire to experience without fear!
Of course, you must chose a time when you will not be
disturbed by physical noise or interference for at least
twenty minutes. Close your eyes and bring yourself in a
comfortable position - sitting straight on a chair or on the
floor or lying relaxed in bed. You must clear the mind of
thoughts and concentrate on the inner self. Be aware of the
heart beat and breathe slowly and rhythmically. Relax the
whole physical body, free yourself of tensions - be it
mental, emotional or physical.
With eyes closed watch yourself bundling up all these
tensions and discarding them in the ocean of light. They
will return if it is to be. It is better if you are in a dim
lighted or darkened room so that the images within are not
interfered with. You must decide where you wish to travel
and for what reason, then choose the mantra for that
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-
493
dimension (see next chapter). Then repeat the mantra out
loud six to nine times, breathe in and as you exhale sing or
chant the mantra as long as the breath allows, letting the
sound encompass you.
Ask your spiritual guide for protection. Look for any
point of blue white light. Also pay attention to any color
or images, letting yourself be drawn into whatever you are
visualizing. Be aware of any high pitched sound - a
whistling or humming or any subtle noise taking place
inside of one's ears. Be aware of any tingling or feeling.
Sometimes one feels as if the top of the head or the third
eye area opens. Follow any light or image. Focus on it and
become it. It may be subtle at first but will intensify with
daily practice.
If you return and remember anything, no matter how
insignificant it may seem, write it down. If you feel as
if you doze off and sleep in, this is quite normal. This
happens when one is not ready to consciously accept the
experience, but it will change as one gets used to it and
practices. Eventually the subconscious will reconnect to
the conscious mind and the connection will remain. It has
to be reconnected out of use, much like an electrical appli­
ance that has lain around and in which the connections
have accumulated dust. It has to be burnt off to renew the
circuit. So it is with the inner connections of each being! It
improves with use- do not become discouraged. Persever­
ance and patience pay off!
The mantra HU (HU is an ancient name for God and is
chanted in a long drawn-out way like HYOO) can always
be used as it is powerful and encompasses all the dimen­
sions. You may also practice before going to sleep. Good
luck and good journeys!
494
Relaxation methods as preparation for Soul Travel exercises
Deep Breathing
•
Take a deep breath through your nose and breathe out
with your mouth wide open. Do this slowly up to six
times, then continue to breath normally.
• Tighten and relax all muscles in the body one after the
other. Begin with the feet, then legs, belly, shoulders,
arms, hands, neck, face, especially jawbone and eye
lids. Joints like knees and elbows need special attention.
Check if the whole body is fully relaxed.
Visualization-Techniques
Phantasy journeys
• You are floating, flying, or vibrating out of your body.
• You are shooting out of your body like a rocket.
• You are floating above valleys, seas, mountains, and
plains like a glider.
• Take a step back and look at the back of your head with
the thought: "That's not me, that's only my shell."
Yo-Yo
• Visualize the up and down movements of a yo-yo.
• Direct it with your third eye.
• Push it away from you and fetch it back again.
• Become the yo-yo. This yo-yo is Soul, your true self.
Vibration
• Listen to a soft humming sound. Let it get louder, until
the vibration lifts Soul out of the body.
495
Practice these exercises alternately and regularly. Repeat
them until the pictures are getting clearer. Develop your
own techniques.
With these exercises you develop your ability to experi­
ence Soul Travel consciously.
Mantras and their Benefits
'1°his is an introduction to the Venusian understanding of
J the different dimensions, their corresponding colors,
sounds and the mantras that represent the vibrations of
these dimensions, also to the benefits that they have on us
living here in the physical. It is essential for practicing Soul
travel as I have described in the last chapter.
On the following pages are individual listings, features,
directions and benefits for each dimension to help you in
your daily life here. I have found them very hdpful to me.
I hope you enjoy and practice these!
The Meaning of Mantras and Chakras
Mantras are very special ancient words or sounds which
have been chosen by spiritually ascended masters of the
physical or non-physical planes. They are powerful words
or sounds. Repeated by using a special breathing technique
and concentrating on the spiritual self, these mantras have
the power to generate energies which are relating to par­
ticular dimensions.
Mantras can shift Soul into non-physical dimensions to
gain inner experiences. They also have a beneficial effect
on the physical, emotional, and mental self as they help to
transcendent the physical existence and can transform con­
fusion into calmness, peace, and understanding. So if you
sing or chant a mantra you are feeling better because these
spiritual realms are the true home and the birth place of
Soul. By bringing these experiences back into the Physical
Plane, you will have a clearer and a more balanced percep496
497
tion of yourself and your experiences. Usually, mantras are
part of meditations and are chanted with concentration.
Chakras are spots of energy in different parts of the physi­
cal body. They correlate to the energies of other dimensions
directing them to those parts of the body which are attuned
to these energies. Chakra points are also the location of the
endocrine glands. Energy is not onlyflowing into the body
through the chakras, but they also serve as valves to get
rid of depleted energy. Thus the non-physical bodies can
respond to the experiences made during meditation or other
stimulating situations. The chakras enable us to consciously
or subconsciously keep in touch with the other dimensions.
Meditation helps us to become aware of the energy flowing
through these areas and to consciously direct it.
Mantra for the physical dimension
ALAYA is the mantra representing the physical dimension
and is spiritually in harmony with the specific vibrations
of the physical level. Pronounced "Ah-lah-ya" it should be
repeated at least three times very slowly while visual­
izing the color green that symbolizes the physical. The
predominating sound is thunder and drums. These represent
the basic vibration of the physical.
When involved in physically strenuous activities this
mantra is beneficial in creating the balance of energy and
strength needed to reinforce the physical self.
Mantra for the astral dimension
KALA is the mantra representing the astral dimension.
Chanted loudly it helps to make experiences on the astral
dimension from this level. Pronounced "Kah-lah" it should
be repeated at least four times very slowly while visualizing
the color pink which is the color of the astral.
The sounds that predominate the astral are the sounds
498
of the ocean. This mantra is beneficial for balancing and
harmonizing the emotional body. When you are in very
stressful emotional states or have difficulty controlling the
emotions it affects everyone differently depending on
one's feelings. It can make you cry or feel happy - both
are beneficial in balancing your feelings.
Mantra for the causal dimension
MANA is the mantra for the Causal Plane on which the
experiences of Soul are recorded. It is therefore beneficial
to bring past life remembrances in one's subconscious mind
to the surface. It is pronounced "Mah-nah" and should be
repeated slowly at least five times. The color of the causal
is a golden orange and the sound is tingling bells.
Mantra for the mental dimension
AUM is the mantra for the Mental Plane. It is pronounced
"A-oh-m". It should be repeated at least six times slowly
while visualizing its representing color of blue. The sound
is of flowing or trickling water. This mantra is beneficial
for stimulating the thinking process for those who use com­
puters, do typing or are teaching science. It balances and
harmonizes the thinking process. It can eliminate confusion
and stress related to the mental process.
Mantra for the etheric dimension
BAJU is the mantra for the Etheric Plane. This is the first
shell or body that Soul takes on when after it is created it
starts its downward spiraling journey to the lower dimen­
sions and their divisions - the negative and positive planes
or dimensions. This is beneficial for inspiring or creative
work. It is the closest to Soul. It is pronounced "Bah-ju".
It should be repeated slowly seven times. The color violet
should be visualized as it represents the etheric. The sound
499
of this dimension is a humming sound or the sound of bees.
It can be a deep humming. It stimulates the creative energy
within oneself.
Dimension
Mantra
Sound
Color
Anami Lok
(God Plane)
HU
Music of the
universe (cannot be
White
described in words)
Mantra for the Soul dimension
SHANTI is the mantra for this dimension. It is pronounced
"Shan-tee". It should be repeated slowly at least eight
times. The color of the Soul dimension is pale yellow. The
sound is stark wind. This mantra is beneficial in har­
monizing all the before mentioned bodies and creating a
very peaceful feeling of contentment. Also it is beneficial
in healing physical injuries, emotional crises, mental illness
or depression or difficulty in any area of one's functions.
Mantra for the Anami-Lok - (God) Dimension
HU is the mantra for the dimension called the void of
creation where all energy that created all there is and all
Souls flows from. It is the center of creation. It is pro­
nounced "Hyoo". It should be repeated at least nine times.
The corresponding color is white, the sound is music of
the universe, which cannot be described in words. It is
beneficial for spiritual enlightenment, helps to raise the
consciousness and changes the perspective view of an
individual. It is where we began and shall seek to return
to for all knowledge.
Each of these mantras raises the vibration of Soul to the
level of the dimension it represents and allows a learning
process to be experienced there.
Here you find a summary table of the single dimensions
and their corresponding mantras, sounds, and colors:
500
Soul
SHANTI Stark wind
Yellow
Etheric
BAJU
Humming of bees
Violet
Mental
Flowing of water
Blue
Causal
AUM
(OM)
MANA
Astral
KALA
Ringing of little
bells
Ocean breeze
Golden
orange
Rose/Pink
Physical
ALAYA
Thunderstorm
Green
The colored first and last pages of this book show two
illustrations of the journey of Soul through the levels of
consciousness.
The different dimensions differ from each other in the
density of their vibrations of light and sound.
In the spiritual worlds, the separation of time and space,
as we experience it in the physical realm, does not exist.
In so far, all these levels exist within you or rather within
your Soul consciousness simultaneously. When singing a
mantra to connect with one of the dimensions consciously,
you address to all other levels of consciousness at the same
time. This counts especially for the mantra HU (sung as
"Hyoo"), as it encompasses all dimensions.
No matter if you sing the mantras inward or outward by practicing your range of experience widens and your
spiritual consciousness altogether grows.
501
CD "The Journey of Soul"
My guided meditation-CD* "Journey of Soul" was devel­
oped in cooperation with music producer Wulf Wemmje
and many talented musicians who lovingly contributed to
this project. For them it was a gift of love and I am very
grateful for the wonderful music and their inspiration.With­
out them this CD would not be what it is.
The production of this very special CD took several
years, because the musicians came to the recording studio
at different times. And the sounds of nature were compiled
and recorded with much patience. As an example, for the
Etheric Plane I followed a bee in the garden and caught
his buzzing with the microphone. In the studio, Wulf mul­
tiplied the hum with the result of a warm, beautiful sound
which is so typical for the etheric dimension.
The CD contains the characteristic sounds of the seven
commonly known dimensions. It can help you to practice
Soul Travel by visualizing the respective color, singing the
mantra and enjoying the musical sounds. This meditation­
CD is very rich in variety and you will find that you are
going to have different experiences every time you practice
and that you will never be bored!
There are people who occasionally meet in groups to
practice Soul Travel together and to share their experi­
ences afterwards. I have even heard that spiritually teaching
people use this CD to enhance the energy of the group and
to tune themselves in to their common spiritual work.
l wish you a pleasant journey!
* This CD and more CDs from Omnec Once are available directly at
the publisher DAS GUTE BUCH: www.dasgutebuch.net and through
every bookstore. Please take a look at the promotion in the last part of
this book!
502
Healing and Self-healing Procedures
C) iou must know that you as a divine being have the
• U power to heal yourself:•Jt is much better to heal one­
self rather than trying to heal others. We should always love
and comfort others, however, one must have permission to
heal others and must be aware that sometimes a condition
may be karmic or any learning experience for that particu­
lar Soul. So precautions are to be taken before attempting
to heal other individuals so as not to break any spiritual
laws. Also one should be aware that they might take the
illness upon themselves as it being a kind of energy that
must be transferred elsewhere. Therefore it is important to
understand that we do not have the power to make such
decisions. There are laws of the Supreme Deity that all the
experiences one goes through have been chosen before this
lifetime by each individual Soul!
If you are concerned about someone that you care for
who is ill then you must follow the procedure listed below
to insure that you are protected and that you are not taking
away an experience that is necessary. Remember this life
is transient and Soul is eternal and immortal. Usually the
most painful and difficult experiences are the most valuable
for learning. lfyou wish to help others then first you must
discuss it with them to be sure it is not against their own
particular beliefs. You do not want to interfere with one's
own choices. Then you must tell them that if they are not
healed it will be up to the highest power. If they are healed
it means that it was not a necessary experience and if they
are not then there is a lesson in the experience.
503
It can be done in their presence or even from different
locations. Time and distance do not affect such divine pow­
ers. If done with the individual they may lie down with
feet touching or crossed, eyes closed focusing on the third
eye area with the mind as if there were a TV screen on the
inside of their head. They should take three deep breaths
and relax. You sit straight and relaxed in a chair nearby,
feet touching, hands clasped. You take three deep breaths
and also focus on the third eye area.
Now you visualize this person's face in a snowball. Then
you visualize yourself taking this ball and throwing it into
the ocean of love and mercy. It is a stream of blue-white
energy made up of advanced Souls' and ascended masters'
energy. It flows from the God center through all dimensions
and universes. You picture the snowball being absorbed
into this stream, becoming part of it. Then you say:
"In the name of the Divine Creator, I ask that if it is to
be that this illness be taken away. We accept your divine
decision whatever it will be. I give thanks to all that is.
Baraka Bashad".
Then you are finished. You may do the same procedure
even thousands of miles apart as long as you have discussed
it with the person before. You may do it at night while lying
in bed just before sleep. Just let the person know when you
will do it, so they can be relaxed and receptive at the time,
also their ability to draw upon the energy themselves is
important. It is always important that we understand that
we may use this energy which is a part of us but that we
are not really doing the healing. It is a combination of our
knowing that it is possible and that we are directing the
energy. But if the ego becomes involved and the individual
takes the credit then it becomes dangerous because it is
sort of a manipulation of the divine source of energy. We
must always acknowledge the great source that generates
504
the energy and be grateful for the ability to use and direct
this energy but not say we are doing the healing.
To heal oneself one must follow the same procedure only
visualizing the illness of oneself in the snowball. Lying
down is very good as one is more relaxed and focused.
Another procedure is to see the person's or your won
face and surround it with pure blue-white light energy and
ask for protection for that person or oneself and always
send love to the individual and see yourself surrounded
and protected by the same light and energy. Try to feel the
warm energy as it flows through and around you. The more
you focus on this the stronger it becomes. However, one
must know without a doubt it is so.
It is always good before any meditation or healing to
call on your own particular spiritual guide or guardian to
protect you from undesirable entities so that they may not
attach themselves to you and use you for their desires. Such
experiences have been witnessed and documented in the
cases of so-called possessions by individuals. These are
unfortunate incidents that occur when a person attempts to
experiment with occult and psychic phenomenon without
proper understanding or protection. It can be a very dev­
astating if not destructive experience and can lead to an
unnecessary enrl to one's otherwise planned life experience,
causing one to have to reincarnate and go through certain
lessons unnecessarily.
Many beings on their quest for spiritual enlightenment
fall into traps of experimenting with such dangerous expe­
riences. However, most of us have already gone through
these ordeals and shun such things because of a deep fear
from the past and know that it has already been experienced
and do not have the ability or desire to encounter such
things again. Once Soul has experienced or learned acer­
tain lesson it avoids such experiences out of remembering
505
and not feeling the desire to repeat them. Sometimes how­
ever, human beings fall into traps because of unawareness
and not paying attention to their own feelings of precaution.
Always take the time to ask yourself why you want to
heal someone or yourself, examine the reason to be sure
it is out of love and the desire to help and not for the feel­
ing that you need recognition or a sense of accomplish­
ment. Remember to live in harmony and balance; to face
the individual responsibility of your life is a very great
accomplishment. To be aware of such energy and to use it
the proper way without breaking spiritual laws or endan­
gering yourself and others is important and also a great
accomplishment.
To love all and oneself as a part of the Creator and as
the Creator created you out of love is a giant step on your
path of existence.
506
Energy - Ways to feel and use it daily
,C--verything that exists is made of energy at different
\.9
vibrations. In the material worlds energy moves
slower and becomes more dense or solid. The higher you
go beyond the physical the faster is the vibration of energy.
That is why it is difficult to perceive these energies in the
physical body. They are usually beyond the ability of our
human eyes and ears. Only at times we may be sensitive to
them as Soul. Whenever you hear the high-pitched sounds
in your ears or beeping, whining, it is the sound of the other
dimensions entering through the chakras, and it is heard
inside oneself. The connection is made by the correlating
spiritual body that belongs to that certain dimension.
For instance when a person meditates and repeats the
mantra for a specific dimension and is focusing on the color
and the sound that represent that dimension, they may hear
the sound of the dimension through that body, whether it
be the astral, causal, mental, etheric or Soul Plane.
Within your physical self there are all these other bodies
that Soul picked up on its journey from the dimension in
which it was created. As it crossed these planes or dimen­
sions it picked up a protective shell or body for protection.
Being pure energy Soul cannot exist in the lower dimen­
sions without a correlating body that is made of the same
energy as that dimension. So inside the physical are many
other energy bodies.
The physical body is made up of the same energy as all
things in the physical surroundings. So it is a vehicle and
a protection for the other bodies and Soul. As Soul leaves
507
the physical it also drops or leaves the physical body in
the physical dimension and as it journeys higher it leaves
behind on each dimension the shell or body of that plane.
It only picks up the bodies as it enters the dimension again
when needed.
If you watch a propeller or fan blade before you turn on
the motor which powers the movement, the blades look
solid, but when their movement increases and they move
faster they become invisible. So as energy increases it
hangs into another form of existence.
Now the energy that flows through and supports all life is
the Creator or God as most here know it. We are all as Soul
part of this Creator and Its creation. We all have a divine
beginning and purpose to our existence. We are sent to the
physical to learn and experience all that Soul can. Part of
the growth from not understanding or knowing we are
Soul is to know this and then become creators ourselves.
To create your own destiny is what we do.
We choose our life before we are born into the physical
and then spend much time struggling against that which
we must learn. When one learns to accept and goes through
whatever happens, then you are on your way to learning at
a faster rate and having a higher understanding of oneself
and life.
Now to be able to feel the energy and direct it is simple.
It only takes practice as does anything. You may sit with
your back straight, feet together to create the best connec­
tion between you, the Earth and its energy and to allow the
energy from the cosmos to flow.
You always take three deep breaths to relax your muscles
of tension. You do not close your eyes for this. You place
the palms of your hands together in the prayer position
about three inches from the body and in the center of the
chest area. Hold them pressed tightly together until you
508
feel warmth. You may also rub them together about seven
times until they become warrrt,\fter you feel both hands
become warm slowly separate the hands about four inches
and bend the fingers toward one another, as if you would
have an invisible ball floating between your hands. Play
with the distance, but don't mutually touch your hands.
Focus your attention on your hands and become aware of
a slight electric tingle between them that is jumping back
and forth the fingertips. Now lower one hand slowly, then
the other. You alternate each hand and raising and lowering
you can feel the change in energy.
You may also try it with a friend. After you both have
separated your hands and feel your own energy then turn
toward one another keeping hands apart. Do not touch the
other's fingers, there must be at least one to one and a half
inches apart. Slowly pull hands far apart and feel the energy
intensify as you bring them close again. Now this energy
flows through and around us and if we have the chakras
open it flows in more. Of course, awareness has a lot to do
with it. It is there but goes unnoticed. The key to its use is
to know and direct it with your thought The more you use
the energy the more powerful it becomes. Sometimes you
may feel your hands become hot, then you know that there
is a stror..g energy flowing.
When you meditate you are drawing energy in at will
and it interferes as you repeat the mantras. Meditation is a
kind of spiritual cleansing of all the bodies as the energy
flows in the dissipated and polluted areas and used energy
flows out to be regenerated.
Every living thing has its own energy field. When you
are out in the nature try to build up the energy in your hands
and hold them close to the trees, rocks and plants. See if
you can feel the energy. Also if you take off your shoes you
can be regenerated with the powerful energy of the Earth
509
itself. Did you ever take a moon beam shower at full moon?
It also generates its own special energy.
Energy can be seen by trained or sensitive people as
auras. Have a friend sit in a chair by a blank white wall.
Now stare at him indirectly without really focusing. Take
in the wall around them as well and you will begin to see
a faint outline of them. The more you practice the clearer
it becomes and even color will appear!
It is important for you to try and put your attention
on positive things and not reinforce negativity with your
energy. Remember where your attention goes the energy
flows. So do not put attention on what disturbs you or
causes emotional stress. Focus on good and constructive
experiences. If you worry about becoming ill or a war or
anything you are reinforcing it and may cause it to happen.
Always bless the war stricken places. Always know that
good will prevail and do not foresee doom and negative­
ness. I know that if something irritates me and I pay atten­
tion to it, it seems to become worse, but if I just put my
attention elsewhere it does not bother me. So you just take
your attention and energy away. Therefore you are using
your energy in a constructive and positive way. Then you
are doing your part to create a better world for you and
others!
day has been chosen for this purpose. Operation Peace has
been introduced in all my seminar ever since.
I cordially invite you to participate in Operation Peace,
to concentrate your own individual energy and to unite
this energy together with people of all belief systems and
therefore create a spiritual, united force. As we all have a
super energy source within ourselves, we are all direct
channels of the Universal Source. Everyone for themselves
and all together as a combined force, we can transfonn war
into peace and share in a whole, undivided world. When
concentrating our energies for this purpose, we also have
the cooperation of the Spiritual Hierarchy and the Planetary
Brotherhood.
All who want to spread the light and be a part of Opera­
tion Peace can participate by sending energy every Wednes­
day at any time of the day by meditating, praying, or in
their own individual way. Learn to concentrate on this force
and use it for the healing of the Earth. Be one force - one
cause; one idea - for a more harmonious life on this beauti­
ful planet!
Operation Peace
Hereinafter I am giving you an example for how everyone
who wants to can use his energy to positively influence
different crisis situations on Earth. This idea had been sug­
gested to me by my spiritual masters and the Planetary
Brotherhood. It's a way how every single person can use
their energy together with others and therefore create a
powerful united force. During a seminar in 1995 with par­
ticipants from all over Europe, including children, Wednes-
Power Punch for every day
You must stand with your face to the light of a window.
You close your eyes and take a deep breath in. You exhale
as if forcing all negative energy out of yourself.
Then you take another deep breath, and as you inhale you
visualize light energy being sucked in through all chakras
and especially the crown chakra.
You feel the power of energy. That is your life force
that connects you with all living things created by the one
510
Here are some exercises that will help you increase your
energy - you cm• find more in the last two chapters!
511
infinite power source. It is unlimited. So absorb as much
as you want, you must see it flowing in and around you.
In the center of your body, the solar plexus, visualize a
red alert button. Imagine it being activated by this energy.
It starts to glow and soon you are glowing, now filled with
energy.
Operation Push is in action! Now you can accomplish all
you desire and be a supreme example to everyone around
you.
Now open your eyes, give thanks to life and all it can
offer and be a powerful force of the One.
Sweet Dreams Vision
As you prepare for sleep and close your eyes you say to
yourself:
"lam surrounded by the light, l am protected by the light,
and I walk in the light. God is the light, I am the light."
Then you visualize this light surrounding and protecting
those you love. With this warm light around and within you
sleep peacefully with pleasant dreams.
512
Love and Relationships
Cf;ue love is not an emotion or an expression - it reaches
J deeply into our true existence, for love is the source of
creation. We were created by the Creator out ofits love for
all things. True love is the energy which flows out from the
Creator and supports all life forms. Without it, nothing can
exist. Therefore we are all universal beings and not limited
to one existence. There are no limits to love.
Love is abundant and free and is most important for our
life. It never fades, and you never have to worry about it.
We are all individuals, different and unique. These dif­
ferences don't need to be reason for conflicts. They should
rather contribute to our appreciation and understanding of
each other's uniqueness.
Every experience you go through, positive or negative,
is important for your unfoldment. Sometimes you just have
to accept what is happening to you without too much resis­
tance. Take a step back to see what the experience was
trying to tell you. What did it do for you? What did you
learn from it? This is absolutely essential. Don't look at
it as a punishment or as something unnecessary, because
everything happens is for a very specific reason.
It is important to see yourself as a precious, special jewel
- a unique jewel, because all your experiences are uniquely
yours. And all of these experiences and all of these capabili­
ties have formed each facet of this special jewel that is you.
The more love you give, the more you receive. And then
you feel good about yourself, because you have become a
channel for something very beautiful.
513
Each of you has the ability to be a good channel. Every­
one has this energy flowing through them. You only have
to become aware of it and to control it by being aware of
your thoughts and the focus of your attention. Try to send
love and blessings to everything and to be a positive force
for the good and for the love that is flowing through you
from the Creator.
Soul Mates
Soul decides whether it wants to live in a male or in a
female body before it incarnates.
A Soul mate is a part of Soul and no outer person. It is
really just part of yourself. As soon as you realize that you
are complete without an outer partner and you are no longer
searching, then you have a reached a Self-Realization on
the Soul level. The search for an outer Soul mate is an
illusion.
As Soul can decide about the gender it wants to be born
with, it can choose to have a series of male or female incar­
nations. Depending on its body, Soul learns more about
either male or female qualities. If Soul chooses to come
back in an opposite and therefore unfamiliar body because
it wants to learn to accept it, it may be attracted to persons
of the same sex. This has to do with Soul's memories of
its previous lives which don't match its present physical
body. Let's say it lives in a female body but still carries
strong memories from a male incarnation.
Finally, Soul comes to the point where this doesn't mat­
ter anymore and it knows that it carries both polarities
within.
All experiences are about being a human being. As soon
as you know that you are Soul and realize that you have
both energies within you, you have found your balance.
514
Love and Relationships in the physical world
As human beings we experience complex relationships
with other people and create karmic relationships with
other individuals. When Soul is created, hundreds of other
Souls are also created at the same time. All these Souls are
traveling together through the various dimensions having
mutual experiences and relationships until they reach the
physical dimension. This goes on throughout the entire
existence of Soul - it reincarnates together with the same
group of Souls over and over again, fonns relationships
and advances together with them.
Love is different for each individual. It can overwhelm
the physical senses or be subtle. It can be used either to
create or to destroy, to manipulate and to control, or it can
be given freely.
In the physical world, love is one most powerful emo­
tion which expresses itself in countless ways, especially
in relationships between partners.
One type of relationship is where the partners don't
communicate or share and build walls around themselves.
They stay together for appearances, other outer conditions,
or certain fears. They tolerate each other but grow apart.
Another type of commitment is where the partners
cannot accept each other's desires or can't forgive mis­
understandings or mistakes. This form requires fighting
and violent outbursts for cohesiveness brought about by
apologies and a sense of guilt after having hurt each other
with words or deeds. The partners are on an emotional
rollercoaster, bound to separate.
The last type is the best and strongest of all. It is where
partners share in everything, accept their individualities
and try to fulfill each other's wishes. It takes trust, honesty
and a willingness to share for being able to understand and
forgive the other's mistakes. Communication is important.
515
Once you as Soul have experienced love in all forms,
then you are ready know the true, unconditional love.
Unconditional love encompasses all and accepts all there
is. To love unconditionally means to love in the Creator's
way and to let love flow in its purest form.
Venusian Understanding of Death
{::;) rnlike you of Earth we of Venus look at what you call
_,l£ death as a transition from one existence to another
or the ascension to a higher existence. So death is for us
more a joyful event, a kind of graduation from the limited
to a less limited kind of existence.
Also unlike those of Earth all Venusians know their des­
tiny of existence and are prepared when the time comes to
leave the place where they formerly existed.
Venusians also do not have the aging process that the
physical beings encounter. In the physical after we manifest
a body we can live 500 of your years and on Venus several
thousand years. It is not as long as you think if you allow
yourself to overcome the limited concept of Earth time.
As Soul is immortal we really live eternally, so what is a
few thousand years! By the way, this means that eternity
is not a very, very long time, but "no time" - a permanent
presence in the here and now.
So as you can see our concept of time is different as is
our concept of death. The only thing that changes is the
location of your next existence and that is based on what
you have learned in a particular life existence. Then you
as Soul manifest wherever it should be according to what
is yet to be learned and what has been learned or fulfilled.
And as we are all truly individual this place can be very
different from Soul to Soul and be located within one of
the many universes, planets and dimensions that one can
exist on!
We Venusians do not see our passing as something sad
516
517
or feel loss because we know as Soul they still exist and
our relation to them changes from life to life. When you
understand and know these things it is easier not to form
attachments to each other or to animals and things. We
know that we own nothing, we only use what we need, but
all belongs to the Supreme One. All that is, is Soul - that
is all that that we can control.
When you are controlled by others or by circumstances
it is usually due to the influence of a particular lifetime
and accepting the circumstances, concepts and beliefs of
the world in which one is placed. This happens because if
you are physical you have a physical body and a new brain
and in learning to adopt you lose the memories of what or
where you were before. It does not help if the people who
are your peers are not spiritually aware and are also caught
up in their existence and have also forgotten. Books like
these and others that intend to reinform people about their
universal origin are a way to break the cycle and prepare
people to understand themselves as Soul.
Now the people on Venus or any other of the places
existing in the dimensions above the physical have a big
advantage. Because we do not have to deal with a new
body and brain out of physical material or deal with the
shock of being physically born, our memories of previous
lives and experiences are not deeply affected nor are our
memories buried in the subconscious as it is with a Soul
that incarnates through a physical birth. Therefore we are
able to adjust to our new environment with less struggle
than those in the physical.
However, you do not only have to adjust to a physical
body but have to learn a language and are exposed to many
emotional conflicts. That is why the physical existences are
so valuable - and there are many thousands oflives you as
Soul spend there. It is a necessary preparation. When one
518
learns to overcome all the conditioning and is able to see
beyond it and develop a Soul understanding then you are at
the end of your physical incarnations and are well prepared
to learn at the higher levels. Therefo,·e we must make an
effort to learn all we can, knowing that we never know all!
Venusian Ceremony for the Transition of Dimension
The following ceremony is done mentally on the astral as
we have no need for physical language. I have transformed
it to a physical language suited to your understanding and
concepts.
On Venus I was still too young for this ceremony. I have
later learned it from Uncle Odin and have received the
permission to make it public.
There is a special temple on Venus for the ceremony. It
looks like gleaming crystal. It has three steps leading into
it. The three steps stand for the three states of man's con­
sciousness. The first and lowest step stands for the causal
nature of man, the second step is the mental process and
the third step is for the spiritual development sometimes
known as the trial. Then there are three arched doorways the center one for the person who is to make the transition,
the left one for all the Venusians who wish to participate in
the ceremony, the right one for the spiritual teachers and
higher masters.
First as you enter, the radiance of light is very bright. It
takes a moment for the eyes to adjust. Then in the center
is a raised square platform with seven stairs leading up to
it. The seven steps represent the seven divine laws of the
Supreme Deity, the laws you must live in order to be
advanced enough to participate in the ceremony.
There is a large circle surrounding the platform about
50 feet in circumference. It is made of pure red gleaming
519
crystal and there are bands of gold encircling that with a
band about two feet of pure white crystal in between the
twogold bands which are about one foot each. This circle is
surrounded by three rows of benches, each row containing
four seats. You can see also on the outer edge just beyond
the last gold band all the zodiac symbols, some familiar to
Earth and some more ancient.
Above the platform in the domed ceiling is a circle of
large round different colored crystal lights, each one repre­
senting the zodiac symbols of Venus. Venus has 13, Earth
twelve. Each planet has its own number of symbols. Unlike
Earth our symbols do not represent animals but the energy
that controls and supports our planet.
The platform is gold and so are the seven steps. As the
Venusians enter there is complete silence. All sit in deep
meditation focusing their energy on the one to ascend the
platform. Then you can hear a faint singsong music and
feel the energy intensify. You notice all the thirteen circu­
lar crystal lights beginning to glow and shine on top the
cubic like platform. You also see beams oflight from each
Venusian sitting around the circle. They are generating the
energy with their concentration to enable the gateway to
appear for the transition.
As the pleasant sound grows stronger along with the
beams of multicolored lights on top of the cube you see a
flame of many colors appear on top of the platform. As it
grows to about ten feet in height you then see the one who
is to transcend. Slowly and with much grace and dignity
he or she approaches the stairs and walks into the flame.
Slowly the flame and pulsating lights along with the
sound dies down. Silently the Venusians walk out of the
temple with a contended look of joy and inspiration on
their faces. The ceremony is completed. This is repeated for
each individual who is to transcend from the astral Venus.
520
Knowing the Life Plan
G'f e all choose our life cycle before entering, knowing
W
the time span we shall exist, knowing our purpose
and karmic involvement with other Souls. This is true for
all Souls - even the ones born into the physical. However,
with the struggle here in the physical, with encounters with
strong emotions and with the complexity of the physical
learning process, much of the memory of the previous exis­
tence and of the choice we made, the details and length of
life and the way it shall end are almost forgotten.
If our parents or guardians here were to remind us that we
were Soul, that we came here out of choice for whatever
reason, it would be easier to remember and overview what
lies ahead.
Once I learned of a case where a young girl remembered her
life plan. In a TV documentary there was a story ofa family
in California - a mother, father and their two daughters.
The oldest daughter became fascinated with angels around
age 13. She also began to tell her family that she did not
have long to be with them here on Earth! They did not want
to believe this of course. However, the girl continued and
insisted that they be prepared.
The parents were not too concerned as she was not
depressed or occupied with any suicidal tendencies. How­
ever, she began to study esoteric books and to collect sto­
ries, books and calendars about angels, as well all sorts of
angel pictures and models. She even baked special cookies
at Christmas - angel cookies. As well she had taken on an
angelic appearance and grew concerned with helping
521
\
ere depressed or unhappy. She accomplished
to do. She graduated with honours, sang in '
church choir. When anyone asked her about r
college or a carrier she would say: 'I will
However, stories like this do not often occur. More often
any memory or the ability to remember or even commu­
nicate with immaterial friends is discouraged and often
dismissed as a child's fantasy. As Soul, now as a child, is
u,cn not be here anymore.' 'How can you say this?' they
would ask. 'Because I know that I only chose to be here
for a short time', was her answer.
When she was 18 her prom came - a dance celebration for
high school graduates, the first formal occasion for young
people, one, every girl looks forward to, as you get to dress
like a princess going to a ball. She had her prom and a
handsome escort and was happy! Then, in the automobile
drive home there was an accident: Out of six people in the
car she was the only one killed.
Her family was sad. While going through her belongings in
her room they found a letter, dated the day before her death:
expected to respect its parents and elders, it begins to doubt
or become inhibited to discuss or share these experiences
- because of a lack of understanding by most people here
or a fear of being ridiculed and feeling separated and not
accepted. So these memories become dull or buried in the
subconscious.
There is so much wisdom and knowledge that every Soul
has, that it is wonderful to be able to reawaken these memo­
ries. That is what I and others like myself are here for - to
change the consciousness and perception and allow more
truth and the past existence to be experienced by each Soul,
so that they may accept their universal existence! There
are more aware parents today who accept their children as
Souls in their care, and help them to retain this experience
and knowledge while they are living with them! This is the
beginning of the New Age of the Earth.
On Venus and as I said on any dimension above the
physical these memories of Soul are always recognized and
nourished by those around it as it enters its life cycle there.
Because you are incarnating on a higher, more aware level
without divisions and without the many diverse conscious­
nesses that you have in a multicultural planet such as Earth
or planets like Earth in other universes. Remember, there
has to be in each solar system or universe one physical
planet that is divided and full of confused and misinformed
beings. This is necessary, because as we are struggling
through a maze we are able to complete and overcome our
experiences there. So eventually Soul can say - yes, I have
been there, yes, I have done that! Then it begins to see
without the divisions and learns to live without judgement
cry '
b·
Dear Mom, Dad and family:
Do not cry over me. I am.fine for my time here is done
and I shall have to leave. I will always be near in spirit
and we will all reunite when your time on Earth is fi­
nished as well. I had a wonderful life - friends, a beau­
tiful home and a loving family. For this I am thankful.
We each choose our family and time. Love knows no
boundaries or limits. It can always befell and expe­
rienced. Take care of my angel collection!
Love you
Angela
The family cried and hugged each other and upon returning
downstairs found a fresh baked angel cookie on a plate in
the kitchen - still warm! They knew it was from her a sign
that she was ever near. In her honour they opened a store
that sells everything to do with angels.
522
523
and overcomes the confusion, fear and anger, and learns
to accept and love life and all it has to offer - not fearing
death - but seeing it as a chance to overcome limitations
and to graduate to a higher place of learning.
Because we lack aggression, fear and much suffering on
Venus as we have all graduated, we step above these experi­
ences. We do not encounter accidental or traumatic death
situations. Of course we love and care and form families
and communities and share an emotional attachment to
others. We also have learned that every separation in every
life cycle - be it physical or otherwise - is only temporarily
for we are immortal and never cease to be.
So we joyfully help Soul on its journey as they progress,
knowing we shall miss them as we have shared our lives
with them, but keeping their memory alive within our Soul,
looking forward to reuniting with them elsewhere as I have
experienced this here on Earth. The meeting of old Soul
friends, residing in new bodies and new situations - how
joyfully it is to have them sometimes recognize me! Then
I know that indeed I am not a stranger here on Earth, only
an old friend, sharing and encountering and reuniting with
all my old Soul buddies! Then when our life here is done
we can rejoice and be happy to have finished some very
difficult lessons and have shared much joy and beauty knowing that this is not life's end, only the beginning of
a new existence!
For example, my Venusian mother Shawik knew that
upon my birth she would complete her particular life exis­
tence on Teutonia and finish her relation to myself and her
family there. My father Deashar had difficulty with this
but knew it was to be accepted. He also knew that he
would continue his work and would not have the time to
contribute the care I needed. My parents had a long life
together before my birth. I was too young to participate in
524
my mother's transition ceremony. But all was known and
chosen by each Soul before it came to be.
Usual there is always an underlying touch of sadness at
parting, but his is natural as we become attached to others.
It is a lesson to learn toovercome, tofind joy in the benefits,
to share in the advancement of those we love and not make
it difficult for the passing Soul to leave because of our own
selfish desire to keep them with us.
As I have said no matter what dimension on which Soul
exists there are still lessons to learn and difficulties to
overcome. Even if a place is considered in comparison to
physical standards to heaven like or fairy tale in appearance
there are always different types of difficulties to overcome!
When you are happy with a situation, it usually complies
with your life plan. The natural feeling of something being
"right", even ifthere are difficulties and obstacles involved,
comes from yourself as Soul, as you are guided by true self.
But when you are uncertain about a certain decision, or if
you have sorrows, doubts, or fears, this means that there
is something wrong.
Of course, also unexpected situations occur. Everything
has its legitimate reason, its time and its term. You are
always learning something, even if your conscious mind
does not always understand the lesson right away. Practise
to replace criticism and judgment with love and acceptance!
You as Soul know what is right for you and what expe­
riences you need. If you feel that something needs to be
fulfilled or if you truly want to accomplish something and
are happy when you can do it, then this is something you
have chosen as Soul. Of course, there may be influences
from different sides which can make it difficult for you
and will stretch your patience. However, by meditating
and practising spiritual exercises, you are connecting with
525
your inner guidance, Soul, and consciously bringing peace
and balance into your existence. Always remember: This
life here is just a small grain of sand at the eternal beach
of the Ocean of Love and Mercy. The truth is that eternity
belongs to you.
A Spiritual Journey
'1"iiis spiritual journey is helpful for awakening your feel­
ing of oneness with your true existence and memories
of the greater self.
J
Prepare for a journey: Lie down in a quiet and darkened
room. Meditation music is helpful, also incense.
Close your eyes and picture yourself breathing in pure,
cleansing air. Visualize it entering your left nostril,
imagine the air filtering through your brain, through all
your thoughts, throughout your entire body, picking up
any and all darkness and negativity, all body impurities.
Visualize that darkness leaving through your right nostril,
in through the left cleansing purifying air and out through
the right.
Imagine the air that comes out of your right nostril being
dark at first, then becoming gradually brighter as it cleanses
your entire being, both mentally and physically. With con­
tinual slow, rhythmic breathing the air will become gradu­
ally clean.
Breathe in clean air and out clean air until a cycle,
round and round, in and out is formed. Continue this until
approximately ten minutes of breathing has taken place.
Now imagine yourself venturing forth on your spiritual
journey, berobed in pure shining, protective white light.
Begin walking slowly, purposefully through an enchanted
forest. You are following a golden light, and you are tread­
ing a path lined with beautiful trees of all types, sizes and
varieties.
526
527
See the branches of the trees. They are very low, low
enough to reach and to touch. You are able to touch them
without straying from the straight path, two feet wide, that
leads you through the forest.
Look at the bark of the tree, although some of the trees
have rough, exterior bark, you are able to see the soft,
inner core beneath which gives off a glow where the life
force exists.
Continue walking and look to your left. Beside the path
sits a small bearcat. It is friendly and playful. Reach down
and pet it and watch it respond lovingly.
Walk on following the golden light. Ahead is a beautiful
lake, filled with sparkling, clean water, which comes from
a mountain stream. The lake nurtures multicolored lively
fish, and it enters out into the ocean of life.
As you stand before the pulsating ocean of life remove
a drinking cup that rests just over your heart - your cup.
Hold it heavenwards and mentally - if you like physi­
cally as well shout up the words: "Love! Love! Love!"
As you watch the sky above you, you see a beautiful love
vibration gathering from the four comers of the heavens.
One bright ray of light comes from the north, another one
from the south, another from the east and again one from
the west.
They meet, merge and form one almost blinding ray of
white light.
This ray is filled with heavenly love from the angelic
beings, and is beaming down to you. It is splashing into
your cup, filling it as it transforms itself from light to a
milky pink nectar.
It flows into your cup until it runs over the brim and
anoints you.
Now lower the cup to your lips and drink the nectar.
Drink it all. Drink down this delicious heavenly love, which
528
bears an apricot like taste. Feel how it glows and warms
every part of your body.
Look at your cup. See how it has changed. Look within it
and without. See how is has been transformed from holding
this heavenly love. Put your cup back into your heart and
enjoy the warmth in your body.
This is your first step to awareness. Next you feel your­
self begin to float. You are rising higher and higher.
As you look up, you see a huge glowing cloud descend­
ing to meet you. It is white, tinged with gold. You rise
higher. It comes nearer. When you reach it you climb
aboard and rise even higher.
You are rising above the Earth. You are rising above the
clouds. You are rising higher and higher.
You move beyond the Earth, beyond the stars, beyond
this dimension, moving through many levels of various
colors to reach the beautiful crystal city in the sky.
Step off the cloud and see before you a crystal river of
cleansing, sacred holy water. This holy healing water
cleanses within as well as without. It removes all scars,
hurts, pains, regrets, burdens, and leaves you clean.
Wash yourself. Dip your whole body into the water. It
has a perfect temperature and it only rises as high as your
heart.
Watch as troublesome annoying habits, addictions and
problems float away. Then clean and pure get out and walk
to the opposite shore.
This is the second step.
This is the time to make a decision without regret. If
you have a problem you wish to solve, a decision to make,
leave it also floating on the water.
As you stand on the opposite shore see these things bob­
bing on the top of the water. Now you are facing these
problems, you are detached, separated from them. You
529
have severed the emotional attachment to you. Face the
problems and say this:
"In the name of God, if it is for my good or gain, rise!
In the name of God, if it is not, then let it sink from me!"
If the problem rises return to the water, snatch it from the
air and clutch it to your bosom. It is for your good and gain.
You may always test the problem again in the same man­
ner to see if you must continue to carry this.
If the problem sinks and is gone let it be. It is not for
you as you have made your decision and have completed
the test. You must turn away from the river and climb the
grassy hill in front of you.
As you climb toward the top, program yourself posi­
tively. Be truly proud of your effort toward self-improve­
ment. Vow to move away from any negative, unwanted
habits.
Now at the top of the hill you see a beautiful golden
chalice, encrusted with jewels. The huge chalice is filled
with a golden substance. It is the distillation of the highest
love available - unconditional love. This love will trans­
form you, for it is even above that of heavenly love. It is
directly from the source of all that is.
You have been filled with heavenly angelic love, you
have cleansed yourself in the crystal river, washing yourself
within and without. You have made any necessary decision
with divine help. Now drink from the golden chalice of
the Creator's love. Drink every drop. Vow to be from this
moment on a source of unconditional love yourself.
Whenever you interact with any living thing, picture
yourself as being filled with their love and it flowing from
you to persons, animals, plants. It flows through the top of
your head and fills you continually. It is always replenished.
As you finish drinking from the chalice, set it down and
look toward the horizon. See there a beautiful crystal city
530
and in the midst looming up the golden spires of a golden
temple. You rush to the temple. You are now prepared to
enter its vibration.
See a gigantic door nine feet high, three feet wide. It is
open. Enter and discover the three highest vibrations: love,
wisdom and knowledge.
Awaiting you are your higher self, your guardian angel,
your spiritual guide and master. You will learn your true
purpose on Earth. You will remember your mission. If there
are past life remembrances in connection to your present
you will learn of them here.
All you learn will be for your good and your gain. These
will prepare you for your birth in the stars. This is your
starbirth.
Now return fulfilled and ready.
531
The new Supreme Deity or Sugmad Expansion Ray
(1 have received from the spiritual hierarchy the task to
U share the following information from Robert Scott
Lemriel with you as the culmination of this anthology:
,, We are moving into a golden age of spirituality. As we
enter the twenty:first century, a creative fountain is being
opened, and many more people will be able to manifest
that which is of the higher worlds."
Harold Klemp,
,,ECK Wisdom Temples, Spiritual Cities, & Guides A Brief History"
"One must use their insight to see this statement is actually
a contemplation portal or inter-dimensional doorway and
they can experience it with their own curiously imaginative
and adventuresome nature.
What follows is the contemplation seed I've been refer­
ring to and much more:
With the true inner imaginative seeing of Soul or Atma,
imagine a fountain on the Soul Plane in the fifth far higher
dimension above any physical worlds like Earth. It is
located in a beautiful garden by a vast palace. This foun­
tain has a fifteen-foot high statue of the Governor or Lord
of the Soul Plane named SAT NAM standing upright in a
wide marble-like bowl. The lovely curved bowl is set upon
532
a intricately carved solid white marble column that supports
the bowl about four feet up from the lush green ground.
SAT NAM's statue appears completely bald headed but
he's eternally youthfully middle-aged, bronzed of skin tone
with two gold bracelets on each of his upper arm and he's
wearing a white skirt from the waist down to just above
his bare ankles and feet. His hands are down near his sides
with the palms open facing outward. A radiant white-golden
nectar or liquid light is pouring fonn his palms down into
the white curved marble bowl, filling it with the liquid that
is gracefully pouring out over the entire circumference of
the rim in an even unbroken sheet to gracefully drop down
to the ground and vanish behind a surrounding circular
marble sitting bench. This circular bench rests several feet
above the ground on twelve gracefully curved and carved
marble support legs. Those who discover this place radi­
ant with this new fountain can sit on the marble bench and
listen to the unusually sweet, high toned soothing new
sound that issues from the fountain nectar or luminous
water-like liquid.
Twelve very beautiful radiant golden cups are hanging
upon golden hooks surrounding the bowl's outer rim. You
can dip one of these cups into this radiant substance or nec­
tar and drink it, if you have the adventuresome courage of
Spirit for all the new awareness that can be expanded within
you that's now emanating from the Soul Plane awareness
and beyond.
This radiant liquid is not water as it is understood here
on Earth; but it appears that way in texture. It IS a New
Ray of The Ancient ONE, Supreme Deity, HU or whatever
you may wish to call this creative reality - that which is
beyond, behind and supporting all this is.
The above then encapsulates the contemplation seed but
you can expand it from there and the sky is the limit once
533
you start down that majestic and enthralling awakening
road, because this New Ray did not exist in The Ancient
One or Supreme Deity's Continuum until several years
ago. It has the unique purpose of drawing out from the
subconscious of the individual being all implants, engrams
and aberration programs to place them within a pure white
transparent energy sphere above the individual so they can
objectively and subjectively see them for the first time with­
out being negatively affected by them.
The real innate Divine awareness of their origin sur­
faces and they simply remember and know they have the
opportunity to have the negative subconscious program­
ming stuff permanently disintegrated or turned back into
simple pure energy. If one chooses to have the little demons
that haunt their dreams at night (so-to-speak) removed,
than the expanding SAT NAM awareness will instantly
remove this stuff. What remains behind is the wisdom of
experience and the result is an awakened being that now
can be trained and uplifted at an incredibly accelerated rate
to become aware of their a true co-creative God consciously
status with Ancient ONE or SUGMAD, SAT NAM, the
Primordial Mahanta and even the more profound mysteri­
ous Silent Ones.
This may be somewhat difficult at first to grasp but this
fountain has been brought into existence for one purpose
and that is to permanently retire what is known as evil
from existence. This can only be because something far, far
better has finally been created and evil or fear is no longer
necessary in the now awakened expanding SUGMAD of
being to train Souls.
The old system brought into existence hundreds of bil­
lions of years ago (the status quo in the upper and lower
worlds) is remaining in place for administration purposes.
However, a firestorn1 of new possibilities is taking place
534
now in the upper worlds among all beings and this New
Ray is now emanating out into all existence through the
established creation via the Governors or Purushas on each
plane.
A network of fountains and the golden pyramids that
surround them are manifesting into existence invisibly sta­
tioned on planets, under oceans, between planets in space
and between galaxies. They are made of a substance that is
not of the dual or polarity consciousness worlds; but they
can exist in them with the remarkable ability that nothing,
no power, force, weapon or being can affect them, nor alter
their purpose in any way, should they be detected and they
have now been turned on. This cannot be reversed.
Technically and by prior Spiritual Law the ability to
manifest that which is of the higher worlds in the lower
worlds (and especially on a planet like Earth that has been
purposefully entirely retarded and suppressed) was not pos­
sible for anyone living outside of a protected Spiritual city
or Golden Wisdom Temple area because of the negative
nature of the lower plane Lords. That nature has been to
see that Souls remain trapped in the lower worlds unaware
of their true Divine Nature that is actually a co-creative
individuality of the Supreme Deity, HU or Sugmad with
great-untapped potential.
The Governors of the lower worlds are now being trans­
formed from the subverting nature from the inside outward
at this moment and when that is complete the lower planes
of creation will begin to be made into Divine mirror planes
of being that exist within the dual current negative and
positive polarity systems.
During this process, "fear" or "evil" will be removed as
an artificially created emotion that has been subcon­
sciously carried through Souls residing in the lower worlds
for countless ages. A way has been found to free Souls and
535
simultaneously inspire them with the flame of a spiritually
passionate and enthusiastic courageous sojourner that is
driven with childlike wonder to become a co-creative being
with the higher purely positive dimensions and the ONE
SOURCE behind all life, while personally exploring these
worlds.. They can do this when "evil" or "fear" (same
thing) is no longer used as a pitchfork to drive them in an
upward direction.
Statistically, that old way has never even remotely been
a very effective way to inspire God realization or freedom
of the individual. However, the new Supreme Deity, or
SUGMAD Expansion Ray has been tested and found to
be true, necessary and kind and it is being implemented
throughout the entire creation from the highest to the low­
est worlds.
The very real greater problem of The Supreme Deity or
The SUGMAD has been to solve the grand dilemma of the
lower world systems. A great part of itself in the form of
individual Soul or Atma beings have remained uncon­
sciously living out lifetimes under the lower world laws
that were made so very, very, long ago and they haven't
been returning home. The command inherent within each
individual is to return home from whence it came; but, the
negative nature of the lower Purushas or Governors is to
swindle, trick, lie, delay, pervert, subconsciously implant
and divert Soul from ever being able to carry out this
inherent commandment that was placed within them in
ancient history. That is the old way of "evil" or "fear" and
one should remember that "fear" was never meant to be
permanent and in the end it is erasable from Soul's
experience at any rate. Pleasure full enriching, uplifting,
consciousness expanding or enlightening experiences are
NOT erasable EVER.
Just a little practice with the imaginative technique about
536
the new fountain on the Soul Plane of awareness and how
it can transform your awareness here on Earth, will reveal
awakening results that are truly beyond amazing. You will
naturally do this in your own unique way during the awak­
ening of Soul's true purpose to become a free and lovingly
trusted co-creator with the Supreme Deity. You will simply
begin to know, see and understand far more about what is
coming and where you creatively fit into this dynamic
transformation in the Expansion Ray of the Supreme Deity,
SUGMAD or HU of being.
This new awakening and expansion of the Supreme
Deity or HU happens only once every few hundred bil­
lion years. You will discover for yourself that we are now
at the beginning of this event that will safely and non­
destructively transform and uplift forever the past nega­
tive Eck-Vidya (science of prophecy) destructive vision
for Earth and dynamically uplift its unfortunately deeply
subconsciously suppressed people to become part of an
amazing new world. Then planet Earth will be accepted
into a wondrous Galactic Interdimensional Alliance of Free
Worlds. Earth's near future destiny is most certainly NOT
what anyone thinks it is.
Now it must be boldly stated that every man, woman
and child living on Earth today will soon know, without a
shadow of a doubt, that many highly evolved extrater­
restrial benevolent human and other loving beings exist
beyond good old planet Earth.
That great question of whether or not the people of Earth
are alone in the universe will soon finally be answered once
and for all time.
All the best in the Spirit of truth, necessity and most cer­
tainly kindness",
Robert Scott Lemriel, 2011
537
Acknowledgement
Glossary
I would like to thank Robert Scott Lemriel for the record of this
special message and Stanley Schultz who forwarded it to
me in writing and who not only supported my spiritual
work since the late 60s but who is also the father of two
ofmy four wonderful children, Tobi and Zandar. My very
special thank goes to my publisher Kouki Wohlwend for
publishing this important information as an amendment to
my autobiography and spiritual message.
l also thank Anja Schafer for all her careful and persis­
tent work and for translating this text into Gennan.
May the words of this message touch your heart and
inspire your creative imagination to deeply absorb the
energy of the Soul level and to again become consciously
One with the Creator and with all that is. The future is here
and now!
Agam Des
A spiritual city on Earth, situated in the Hindu Kush
Mountains in northern Tibet; home of the God Eaters; the
spiritual leader is the ECK Master Yaubl Sacabi. Agam
Des lies at a supra-physical level and can only be visited
in the Soul body.
ALAYA
The mantra for the physical dimension sung Aah-laa­
yaah.
Amual Abaktu Baraka Bashad
"May the universal love and the blessings be"
Ascended Master
Masters with God realization who are operating above
the physical realm as co-workers of God
Astral dimension
The level of feelings, emotions, Flying Saucers, spirits
and in particular the level of the plant kingdom.
AUM
The mantra for the mental dimension, sung Aah-OoUh­
Mmm
Aura
The magnetic field encompassing a person in the colors
white (true spirituality), yellow (soul consciousness), in­
digo or violet (intuition), blue (wisdom), orange (heal­
thy), red (life force), green (energy).
Baraka Rashad
"May the blessings be"
Causal dimension
The level of memories, patterns, and a repository of all
experiences from all the different lives of Soul in all si­
tuations of being, saved in the Akashic Records that en­
compasses the past, the presence, and the future. Inven-
With love and deep gratitude - Baraka Bashad! - May the
blessings be!
Omnec Onec, 2012
538
539
tors find here, mostly in the dream state, their inventions.
In particular, this is the level of the animal kingdom.
Eckankar
The Ancient Science of Soul Travel (www.eckankar.org,
.ch, .at, .de)
ECK Master
God-realized Masters from the Vairagi Order, the deta­
ched ones
ECK-Temples
Temples of Golden Wisdom at the diverse levels of con­
sciousness which can be visited through out-of-body
travels; physically reachable at the Eckankar center in
Chanhassen/USA
Elam
The lord of the physical universe; he is controlled by the
lords of the higher worlds and serves mankind in all phy­
sical matters
Etheric body
A very luminous body which Soul encompasses itself in
the Etheric dimension.
Etheric dimension
The highest level of the polar-consciousness worlds and
source of knowledge through intuition, in particular the
level of the enlightened humans, home of unconditional
love and unlimited wisdom.
Fubbi Quantz
An Eck Master and abbot from the Katsupari monastery
in the Buika Magna Mountains in northern Tibet
Gare Hira Temple
A temple of wisdom situated in the spiritual city Agam
Des in the Hindu Kush Mountains
God Eaters
Masters living from cosmic energy in Agam Des; alt­
hough they have a physical body, they can live far be­
yond average human lifetime.
God Realization
The state of God consciousness
540
GopalDas
The Living ECK Master, Mahanta, and Founder of the
Mystery Schools in ancient Egypt at the time of the Pha­
raohs.
HU (HUUUH)
An ancient name for God; sung internally or externally as
a love song for God
KALA
Mantra of the astral dimension, sung Kaah-Laah
Kai Niranjan
Lord of the physical worlds, the negative force, the God
of time and space
Karma
The law of cause and effect as drive for the Souls deve­
lopment of consciousness
Katsupari Monastery
An ECK Monastery and Temple of Golden Wisdom in
the Buika Magna Mountains in northern Tibet. Abbot of
the Monastery is the ECK Master Fubbi Quantz
Klemp, Harold
The current Living ECK Master, the Mahanta (since
198I) with the spiritual name Wah-Z (Waah-Zee) or Z
(Zee)
Levels of consciousness
Physical level (matter), astral level (feelings, emotions),
causal level (memories, behavior patterns, karma),
mental level (thoughts, power of imagination, intellect,
knowledge), etheric level (intuition, wisdom, love)
Living ECK Master
The spiritual leader ofEckankar, the God-realized human
leading Souls from the lower worlds to Self-Realization
and God-Realization. The line of the Living ECK Ma­
sters goes back several millions of years to the first ECK
Master, Gakko.
Mahanta
The initiated of the 15th circle, bearer and expression of
the highest consciousness, an incarnation of the SUG­
MAD, the Supreme Deity, the Living ECK Master
541
MANA
The mantra of the causal dimension, sung Maah-Naah
Mantra
A charged word of power, an instrument to get in harmo­
ny with the Divine Spirit and thus reach Self-Realization
as Soul and finally God-Realization; sung internally or
externally, mostly connected with a spiritual exercise.
Mental dimension
The level of the mind, the logos, the science, the thoughts,
the intellect, in particular the level of the conscious hu­
man being.
Nuri Bani
Light and sound
Physical dimension
The level of the material universe, of situations in time
and space, of all visible manifestations and bodies, m
particular the level of the mineral kingdom
Rami Nuri
The ECK Master and caretaker of the holy book, the
Shariyat-Ki-Sugmad, in the Golden Temple of Wisdom
in the city of Retz on the astral level of Venus
Ramkar
The lord of the causal dimension and all lower levels
Rebazar Tarzs
An ECK Master and teacher who trained many ECK Ma­
sters including Peddar Zaskq (Paul Twitchell). Rebazar
lives in a hut in the Hindu Kush Mountains, but is able to
manifest everywhere; he also served as the Living ECK
Master and Mahanta.
Retz
The capital on the astral level of Venus
SAT NAM
First manifestation of God on the Soul dimension, lord of
all dimensions above and below. Force, light, and sound
as the creator of the whole creation.
Self-Realization
The knowledge of being a part of the Supreme Deity ha­
ving the same attributes like IT or the Creator
542
Sohang
The lord of the Etheric dimension, through who divine
power of creation flows. His name means "I AM IT".
Soul
The individualized expression of the Divine in all Uni­
verses and Worlds, a drop in the Ocean of Love and Mer­
cy, eternal, almighty, immortal, indestructible; being a
part of the whole the Soul is provided with all attributes
of the Creator.
Soul body
The body that Soul utilizes on the Soul dimension to
make experiences in the worlds of God; an instrument of
self-knowledge and Self-Realization.
Soul dimension
The level of consciousness of Soul-Realization, where
beings realize themselves as Souls.
Soul mate
A myth, as Soul (not the psyche!) is complete at all time
and at any place. Soul is not dependant on a mate, a part­
ner, or a companion.
Soul Travel
The movement of consciousness in the Soul body through
the different dimensions with the aim of God­
Realization.
Spiritual Exercises
Creative exercises, meditation, concentration, contem­
plation, mostly with the focus on the "Third Eye", a place
between the eyebrows, as preparation for spiritual expe­
riences on the higher levels of consciousness.
SUGMAD
The Supreme Deity, the Ocean of Love and Mercy, the
ONE, the All-Encompassing, HU, All in All, God, or
whatever name one would like to give to IT.
Temple of Golden Wisdom
ECK Temples on the different dimensions, lead by the
ECK Masters; serve as training centers for the growth of
Souls consciousness.
543
OMNEC ONEC DVD-Lecture
Teutonia
The city on the astral level of Venus in which Omnec
Onec was born and where she lived for approx. 140 years
(of our time) unti I she volunteered to spend the rest of
her life on the physical level of Earth and to work as a
spiritual teacher.
Twitchell, Paul
The Mahanta, the Living ECK Master from 1965 until his
translation from the physical to the higher worlds in the
year 1971; he brought the Eckankar teachings that were
kept secret until this time to the human conscious­ ness
by publishing books and giving lectures and semi­ nars.
By doing this, he initiated an era of a total new self­
conception of humans and their world on Earth.
Yaubl Sacabi
An ECK Master guarding the Shariyat-Ki-Sugmad, the
holy book ofEckankar, in the spiritual city Agam Des; he
served as the Living ECK Master, the Mahanta, during
the age of the Mycenaeans in Greece (between 2,000 and
1,700 B.C.)
544
1
OMNEC ONEC
DVD-Lecture "The Unknown Hi­
story of our Solar System and the
Spiritual Transformation of the
Earth"
In this lecture, Omnec Onec speaks the
story of the inhabitation of our so­ lar
system, she talks about the reasons for
the spiritual Transformation Pro­ cess
on Earth that is currently taking place
and imparts precious informa­ tion
about how every individual can take a
conscious part in this process of
raising the vibratory rate of planet
Earth.
Contents:
DVD I
The inhabitation of our solar system • The Earth emerges and is fil­
led with life forms • The battle for the Earth • The first populations
on Earth • A group of visitors wants to gain technological know­
ledge • The genetic manipulation and its consequences until today
• The current Transformation Process and the return of lost know­
ledge • Our concept of the Creator • The design of creation and the
birth of the Soul • The complexity of human experiences and the
meaning of unconditional love • As a Soul on the journey through
the levels of creation • The creation of a consciously desired world
DVD2
My journey from the astral level of Venus to the physical Earth
•The preparation of my spiritual work • Reasons for being here
• The Transformation Process of the Earth and each individual •
Operation Peace meditation program • Sharing information • The
end of manipulation and control • Many beings take part in the
Transformation Process • The re-introduction of technologies • The
end of old Karma • Transformation phenomena in the physical body
• An exercise to perceive the life energy • The future of the planet
Earth
Languages: English Original and German Synchronization
Double-DVD, length: ca. 162 min.
544
Order No.: OMNEC0ll
OMNEC ONEC CDs
Mandala Poster "The Journey of Soul through the levels
of consciousness"
Meditation-CD ,,Soul Journey": Guided Meditation through
the levels of consciousness
OMNEC ONEC
[J
A guided meditation with various music
compositions corresponding to the levels of
consciousness. Mantras and visualiza­ tions
support the experience of the different
dimensions from the physical through the
astral, the causal, and the etheric dimension
to the God planes.
Get inspired to go on a journey
through the various levels of your
consciousness by watching this
mandala. Travel from the physical
dimension through the astral, cau­
sal, mental and etheric, to the very
heart of your true divine being!
"Soul Travel is an art and science that allows temporarily the de­
parture of the Soul from the physical existence to visit and explore
any or all of the worlds beyond the physical universe, in the Soul
body. " Omnec Onec
Order No.: OMNEC007
Length: ca. 7J min.
(A "manual" with symbol interpre­
tation comes with the mandala.)
..
.......................................
Audio-CD "My Mission on Planet Earth"
Listen to Omnec's fascinating voice, em­
bedded in sound spheres and Venusian in­
This beautiful Mandala Poster on stable paper in bright colors
is available in the following sizes:
spired music, how she describes in their own
words the connection of Venus to the history
of the Earth and the purpose and goal of her
adventurous transfer from the Astral Plane
to the physical Earth.
A I: 594 x 841 mm
A2: 420 x 594 mm
A3: 297 x 420 mm
A4: 210 x 297 mm
Order No.: HYU00510
Order No.: HYU00Sll
Order No.: HYU00512
Order No.: HYU00513
Excerpt from the contents: Solar civilizations • Earth's heritage •
Planetary Brotherhood • Birth of individual Soul • Evolution and
The Mantra ,,HU" on CD
Karma
Length: ca. 53 min.
Order No.: OMNEC008
CD "HU-Song"
"HU, this ancient name for God, is a love
song to God. You can sing it. And in sing­
Audio-CD "From Venus with Love":
OMNEC ONEC
All about Love
Length: ca. 65 min.
Omnec speaks and sings about "Love" with spherical background music.
Excerpt from the contents: Venus Love • Love ofTwin Souls • Friendship and
Lovers
• Making Love• Freedom and Love• Love is All • From Venus with Love
Order
No.:
OMNEC
009
ing it
or
holdi
ng it
in
your
mind
durin
g
time
s of
need
, it
beco
mes
a
pray
er. It
beco
mes
a
pray
er of
the
high
est
sort.
" Haro
ld
Kle
mp
(Blur
b)
Ord
er
No.:
CDE
0001
3
DAS GUTE
BUCH •
Meierhofstr. 18
• FL-9495
Triesen Fax
00423 390 09
02 • E-Mail:
dasgutebuch@verlag.li
www.dasgutebuch.net
Introducing books about Eckankar by Paul
Twitchell
Books by Harold Klemp
These books are the autobiographical works
by Sri Harold Klemp, the Living ECK Master
Paul Twitchell: The Flute of God
"Discover the secret of imagination, the divine fac­
ulty of Soul which you can use to transform your
life. Learn the seven fundamental spiritual laws
which allow you to create your future in harmony
with the universal Spirit, for the highest good of all
concerned. If you want to master your destiny and
Harold Klemp: The Wind of Change
"A shy farm boy from Wisconsin, Harold Klemp stu­
did for the ministry for eight years. But the religious
experiences he wasn't having and the spiritual ex­
periences he was having led him to higher spiritual
truths and the New-Age Religion known as ECKA­
,.. . .....
become a conscious Co-worker with God, this book
can show you how to do it - by listening to the guidance of Divine
Spirit." (blurb) - 215 pages
NKAR. Sri Harold Klemp's first book is a lightheart­
ed story of his adventures as he learns the secrets
of letting divine miracles enter his life. It illustrates how a line of
Order No.: BE00023
mysterious Adepts, the ECK Masters, helped him find the source of
------------•N•
11-lE
Fu n e ()I'
coo
ISBN: 978-1-57043-032-9
Paul Twitchell: Stranger by the River
"Settle into your favorite chair, and immerse your­
self in a new consciousness of love. It's an adven­
ture the likes of which you've never experienced
before. A life-enhancing, life-changing adventure of
love. A story in the highest form. 'Stranger by the
River' helps you navigate the river of life in the tra­
dition of other classics such as Kahlil Gibran's 'The
Prophet', William Blake's mustical poetry, and the Bible's Song f
Solomon. Begin to experience a new consciousness as Soul, a di­
vine spark of God." (blurb) - 204 pages
ISBN: 978-1-57043-136-4
Order No.: BE000SI
,,_,.._.
Paul Twitchell: ECKANKAR - The Key to Secret
Worlds
"The rockets of the twenty-first century have ush­
ered man into the exciting frontiers of outer space.
But what of his inner universe? Unfortunately, it re­
mains a black hole of mystery and speculation. The
lightning-fast pace of today leaves us with little time
1'ui1""".hd'
to ask: What on Earth am I doing here? Our search
for love, wisdom, and freedom has so far been mostly in vain. Then
our eyes catch sight of the enchanting words Soul Travel! Dare we
hope? Soul Travel is the means the great saints have always used to
find the sacred kingdom of God while still in their physical bodies.
Today, the worlds of God again beckon the restless and weary trav­
ISBN: 978-1-57043-154-8
Order No.: BE00019
':.!"
eler. All he needs for this journey is a road map and a willing heart.
ECKANKAR - The Key to Secret Worlds is the map, but the reader must
bring his willingness and curiosity" (blurb) - 251 pages
wisdom ..." (blurb) - 229 pages
ISBN: 978-1-57043-025-l
Order No.: BE00064
Harold Klemp: Soul Travelers of the Far
Country "This is the true story of the author's
struggle to reach Mastership in an ancient line
of spiritual teachers. To become the Living
ECK Master. He accomplished his training,
not off in a remote, ascetic setting, but
through events of everyday life. Harold
Klemp has served in the air force and worked
as a printer. He is a husband and parent. He
cared for his daughter
when she was ill. Played softball with friends. Unlikely
training for becoming a spiritual master? What he learned
will help you ..." (blurb) - 275 pages
Order No.: BE00047
ISBN: 978-1-57043-146-3
Harold Klemp: Child in the Wilderness
"This book shares an incredible firsthand
experience that could change forever the way
you think about life. It is the story of one
man's true life-and-death struggle to enter the
highest state of spiritual aware­ ness known
to mankind: God-Realization. 'Tucked away
in the hidden places of this book are clues as
to how you too may reach the glories of
God,' says
author Harold Klemp. As the Mahanta, the Living ECK
Master his mission is to help others gain inner freedom,
confidence and love ...' (blurb) - 280 pages
ISBN: 978-1-57043-020-6
Order No.: BE00OI0
ISBN: 978-1-57043-154-8
Order No.: BE00019
urther book recommendations
Harold Klemp: Past Lives, Dreams and Soul
Travel
"Harold Klemp, the leading authority on past lives,
reaJ?s, and Soul Travel, brings you startling insights
in this breakthrough book. Learn to recall memories
of past lives! Lessons of long ago can be recaptured
!IC- .,•.,_ now to help our lives today. Dreams are real, another
way to find wisdom from the heart. Dreams open new
ave ue_s oftrut and give insig tsjust for_you. Soul Travel is simply
a shift in consciousness. Its main benefit 1s to let us tap into the wis­
dom and knowledge ofour great inner worlds." (blurb) - 263 pages
ISBN: 978-1-57043-182-l
Order No.: BE00071
Past Liws
Dreams'"''
Harold Klemp: Book of ECK Parables (Vol. 1)
"Well, look at this - the mysteries of God in black­
and-white! Of course, there's more to it than that.
But Sri Harold Klemp, spiritual leader of Eckankar,
has the right idea. The principles of God must be told
in simple, easy-to-read stories - if anybody is to read
them. No heavy stuff about God in here at all unless
'
IIM:itKb Tl)
. . you take a minute to contemplate quietly on a story
after reading 1t. The parables cover an important range of topics:
Soul Travel, dreams, Karma, death and reincarnation etc. etc .... "
(blurb) - 269 pages
ISBN: 978-1-57043-014-5
Order No.: BE00006
Harold KJemp: The Language of Soul
- A gift book "A remedy for this modem age of complexity, 'The
Language of Soul' demystifies the spiritual path by
reducing it to its essential element: Soul exist be­
cause God loves It. You don't have a Soul, Harold
Klemp emphazies, 'You are Soul'. Refreshingly
:._.:._u simple, 'The Language of Soul' springs from a deep
understanding of our relationship with the Eternal. Each thought
is a window through which we glimpse the elemental truth of our
being. Let the words wash over you, spilling into your heart "
(blurb) - 162 pages
ISBN: 978-1-57043-195-l
Order No.: BE00070
Harold KJemp: The Spiritual Exercises of ECK
"Just as physical exercises helps you build physical
vitality, spiritual exercises help you build spiritual
vitality. This incredible little book is a staircase with
131 steps. It's a very special staircase because you
don't have to climb all 131 steps to get to the top.
And what awaits you there? The doorway to spiritual
.
..
freedom, self-mastery, wisdom, and love. Each step
1s a spmtual exercise. As you climb these steps, you will discover
exercises to solve problems, master your fate etc. etc." (blurb) - 309
pages
ISBN: 978-1-57043-001-5
Order No.: BE00048
Linda C. Anderson: 35 Golden Keys to who you
are & why You're here
"Who am I? Why am I here? We ask ourselves these
questions all the time. The answers determine our
purpose in life, often our very survival. Here - for
the very first time ever - are thirty-five golden keys
to help you unlock the answers to these questions for
yourself ... Like few others, this book takes you
fa beyond what you already knew about God. Yet intriguingly, it
brings you closer to what you may have always felt to be true."
(blurb) - 456 pages
ISBN: 978-1-57043-118-0
Order No.: BE00054
UTEIB®@CQ
VERLAGSANSTALT
Spiritual literature for our modern times
DAS GUTE BUCH • Meierhofstr. 18 • FL-9495 Triesen
Fax 00423 390 09 02 • E-Mail: dasgutebuch@verlag.li
www.dasgutebuch.net
ISBN: 978-1-57043-001-5
Order No.: BE00048
The Godworlds
ISBN: 978-1-57043-001-5
Order No.: BE00048
On this chart, you can see the names of the different levels of consciousness and the corresponding mantras, sounds, and
rulers. Here you can download this illustration for free: www.omnec-onec.com/EN/downloads.html