"The first time I felt safe, I was twelve, holding a match to the edge of something I wasn’t
supposed to touch."
It started small, a secret rebellion hidden into the corners of my childhood. By the time I
was fifteen, it wasn’t about rebellion anymore-it was survival. I didn’t light up because I
wanted to; I did it because it was the only time I could hear myself breathe.
“Mas que nada” blasted off in the distance, which meant two things: it was 7:00 p.m. on a
Friday, and Mom had opened the bar. Peace,alas.
I locked my bedroom door and stepped onto my veranda, the hammock swaying gently as I
climbed in with my evening spliff. The joint rested between my fingers, the weight familiar. I
twirled it absentmindedly, staring into the horizon where the sunset bled orange and pink
into the water. My thoughts were mercifully blank, as if my brain understood I couldn’t take
any more tonight.
I lit the joint and pulled deeply, sending its smoky embrace to my brain. There it wastemporary numbness, a reprieve from the ever-present ache that had lived inside me for as
long as I could remember, growing, silent and unwelcome. The fear that it might one day
swallow me whole clung to the edges of every thought, no matter how far I pushed it away.
A sharp bang on my door startled me. The joint slipped from my fingers, vanishing into the
abyss below as I tumbled out of the hammock in a graceless heap.
“Soleil,is a emergency!” Maria’s voice rang out, followed by her whirlwind entrance. She
didn’t wait for an invitation, rushing straight to my closet and flinging open the doors. “Give
me somethin to wear! Look at mah makeup! mah hair! Ugh, everything is a disaster!”
“Maria!” I hissed, trying to keep up with her frantic pace.
She stopped mid-rant, blinking down at me sprawled on the floor. “Oh, my poor baby, mi
sarri,” she cooed, helping me up.
“You’ve got to stop bursting in like this!”
“Sol, I got a date,” she announced, back to digging through my clothes.
“Again? Maria, you just cmme back from by Neo.”
“I know, but he tried to propose to me!” she whined.
“What?”
“Or maybe he didint... idk but honestly, all I wanted was some dick. Men just don’t know
how to-”
“Maria!”
“What? tru ting!” She plucked a dress from the rack and held it up. “Yah tink dis cute?”
“Yes,” I said. “And it’s mine, sah bring it back. An muss wash mi clothes maria,bring dem
back smelling like yuh man dem an get mami questioning mi.”
“Okay, okay!” she grinned, slipping it on. “I’m late. Also, can you fill my shift at Sorrisso?
Love you, bye!”
She kissed my cheek and darted out before I could argue, leaving me chasing her to the
veranda.
“Fuck you, Maria!” I shouted after her as she climbed into some guy’s car. She blew me a
kiss, the smoke from her joint curling around her as the car sped away
“Is that my spliff-mari ago kill yuh”
I burst into the kitchen, nearly slipping on the damp tiles. The place was alive with noise—
orders being shouted, pots clanging, and the sharp scent of jerk seasoning mixing with
frying oil. Mom stood at the counter, expertly plating a dish of feijoada.
“Where Maria deh?” she asked without looking up, her tone sharp.
“She—uh—she’s in the bathroom,” I lied, tying my apron around my waist. “Said she wasn’t
feeling too good.”
Mom’s brow furrowed. “That girl. She better not leave me short tonight. You know we
busy.”
“I’ve got it covered,” I said quickly, grabbing a tray before she could ask more questions.
Out front, the bar was packed. Lanterns swung in the breeze, their warm light casting long
shadows over the tables. Locals and tourists crammed together, the mix of patois and
foreign accents blending into a noisy hum.
I worked the tables, dodging grabby hands and spilled drinks, keeping my head down.
I saw some guy,tall and whatever else he was,i did’t care,right?. He was perched at the far
end of the bar, sipping something dark and strong like he had all the time in the world. His
crisp white shirt glowed under the dim lights, and his easy posture screamed money and
arrogance.I hated him,i didn’t know him,didn’t have to.
I made my way over reluctantly, my annoyance already bubbling up. Why was he even
here? People like him didn’t come to Sorrisso for the food or the vibe—they came to slum
it, to pretend for one night they weren’t sitting on top of the world.
“Be nice sol,be nice be ni-”
“What yuh want?” damn it soleil,yuh mouth
I asked flatly, not bothering to meet his gaze as I wiped down the counter.
“Rum punch,” he said, his voice smooth. Too smooth.
I glanced up then, and there it was—that smirk, curling at the corner of his mouth, sharp
and deliberate, like he knew it could get a rise out of me. It was one of those smiles that
wasn’t trying hard but still carried the weight of every ounce of confidence he had. My
stomach did something stupid, but I shoved the feeling down.
Then I caught his eyes, and the effect shifted. They weren’t playful or teasing like his smirk.
No, his gaze was something else—steady and unreadable, almost cold in the way it pinned
me down. It was unapologetic, like he didn’t care what I thought, and maybe that was the
worst part. He didn’t look at me like someone worth impressing. He looked at me like
someone he was waiting to figure out.I clenched the rag in my hand, forcing myself to stay
calm. Damn him and his stupid smirk.
I turned to make the drink, ignoring the weight of his stare on my back.
“You work here often?” he asked when I set the glass in front of him.
I bristled, my fingers tightening on the counter. “Mi mudda place.”
“Ah.” He leaned forward slightly, resting his elbows on the bar. “Explains di... personal
touch.”
I glared at him, but his smirk didn’t falter. “What’s datt supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.” He took a slow sip, his eyes never leaving mine. “Jus seem like yuh not exactly
thrilled to be here.”
“And you seem like yuh should be up in the hills with yuh own kind,” I snapped, my voice
low enough to keep anyone else from hearing.
His expression didn’t change, but there was something in his eyes—amusement, maybe.
Or curiosity. “Touché,” he said softly.
I hated him in. Hated his smug face, his polished manners, and the way he looked at me
like he was trying to figure me out.
“Enjoy yuh drink,tippin jar deh by di door” I said curtly, turning to leave before he could get
another word in.
But as I walked away, I felt his gaze lingering on me, like he wasn’t done with me yet.
The night wore on, the bar getting louder and rowdier as the crowd thickened. My feet
ached, and I was counting the minutes until I could escape back to the hammock that Maria
had ruined my peace in earlier.
Somewhere near the DJ booth, a group of tourists tried and failed to match the locals'
dance moves, their laughter carrying over the music. I was mid-pour when I heard the
unmistakable sound of Maria’s voice cutting through the noise.
“Sol!” she shouted, stumbling toward the bar with the grace of a baby goat. Her heels
wobbled dangerously on the uneven sand, and she clutched a half-empty bottle of wine like
a lifeline. “Babyyyyy, I’m here!”
I froze, the bottle of beer in my hand tipping dangerously. “Maria,” I hissed under my breath
as she draped herself over the counter.
“yuh miss me?” she slurred, her caramel-colored cheeks flushed and her curls wild from the
ocean breeze. “Look at me. I’m fabulous!”
“Shhh shut up,You’re drunk,” I snapped, trying to haul her upright. “And mami gon kill yuh.”
“She loves me!” Maria declared, throwing her arms out dramatically. “Where’s my bestie-oh
wait, that’s you!”
“Maria!” Mom’s sharp voice cut through the chaos like a knife. I turned to see her standing
by the kitchen door, hands on her hips, her expression thunderous.
fml
“Uh-oh,” Maria whispered, suddenly wide-eyed. “I think she’s mad.”
“Nooo hoe,she’s not,you didn’t leave us short on a full night an come back drunk or
nothing?” I muttered, pushing her toward the back.
But before I could get her out of sight, Mom gave me a look, her eyebrows raised, before
nodding to Maria. “Get her out of here, Sol. Now.”
“Yes, Mom,” I muttered, dragging Maria toward the back.
The bar was quiet now, the night winding down as Maria and I made our way home. She’d
come back from her date drunk, all dizzy giggles and slurred words. I could’t let gran and
pops see her like this,so i let her sleep over at my house.
I went out to my hammock,the night air was cool and smelled of coconuts.On my veranda
is where i felt most at peace,i planted there,read smoked,which mami has no clue about.
I don’t remember getting addicted to smoking,hell i don’t even remember getting into it.
I just know whenever i’m smoking i feel,as crazy as it sounds, safe,like i’m connected
to…something…someone.
I lit another spliff and let the smoke curl around me. a moment where the world fell away,
and I could just exist.
Mom and I were up early, the morning cool as we gathered coconuts from the grove for the
bar.
"Eu estou preocupado com você, Soleil." she said, glancing over at me as she cracked a
coconut open with the machete. "Desde que nos mudamos de Mandeville, você tem estado
diferente."
"Mãe, eu estou bem, só... cansada ultimamente." I replied, cutting the husk away from the
coconut."E mãe, você sabe que se eu tivesse alguma coisa acontecendo, eu te contaria,
né?"
Mom sighed, her eyes softening as she glanced over at me, "Eu te amo até o Brasil..."
“..."Eu te amo até a lua..."i continued,giving her a soft smile
“.. e de volta."we said together and giggled while continuing our work.
By the time we got back, Maria was starting to wake up, yawning and rubbing her eyes. I
was already on the sand, beer in hand, the joint between my fingers. Maria shuffled out,
looking like she had the worst hangover of her life. She plopped down next to me, grabbed
a beer from the cooler, and we shared a few minutes of quiet ,i was still disappointed in her
about the night before. she looked at me and burst out laughing
"Like yuh get some kak last night or wah, gyal?" i asked she spat the beer out and feel
back laughing
"So blunt an' inna mi business fi wah, girl?"Maria replied wiping her mouth."But no, mi neva
do nuttin wid him last night... Mi tink mi like Neo lot, or him put mi name inna bottle."
Maria’s eyes lit up.As they always did when she spoke of Neo.
I nodded, leaning back on my hands, feeling the sand shift beneath me.
Maria took a long drink, then cracked open another beer, her voice carefree. “He’s got
women all around him. Always. But I don’t think he’s serious with any of them. He likes the
attention, but I don’t see him settling down anytime soon. He’s just living his life, you know?
Boys like that never settle down.”
I took a long sharp pull from my joint before handing it to Maria
“who,Neo?”
“The other one,i just like him fah a good time,dats all”
Capter two
Julian Montrose sat back in the leather chair, the weight of the argument settling like an
oppressive fog in the room. His father, London Montrose, sat across the table, stone-faced,
while his older brothers, Lucas and Marcus, glared at him with a mix of disdain and
disappointment. The tension was thick enough to cut with a machete.
“It’s ‘bout time yuh start actin’ like a Montrose, Julian,” London said, breaking the silence.
“Fuck dis family an’ di stupid, bloodclaat family business,” Julian muttered, his fingers
swirling around the glass. His mind raced with thoughts of the life he’d been trapped in for
too long. Every day, it felt like a cage, its bars forged from expectations, legacy, and greed.
Lucas arched an eyebrow, a smirk playing at the edge of his mouth. “Pretty sure Mom
woulda been real proud,Juli.”
“Shut di fuck up!” Julian snapped, his voice sharper than he intended,he stood up and
rushed over to Lucas,they both stood in eachother’s face.
London’s eyes narrowed as he shot back, “Watch yuh damn mouth, bwoy!”
Julian’s gaze snapped to him, his words tumbling out before he could stop them. “Where
mami deh though? Man, fuck harr too.” His voice was low but venomous, the words
hanging in the air like a slap. Silence gripped the room.
“And Lucas,” Jeremiah added, his anger flaring hotter,pointing a finger at his chest “don’t
yuh eva try fi chat to me like yuh better dan me. Every night yuh wid a diff’rent skettel—fuck
you too.”
“Juli wait-”marcus said trying to grab his hand so he couldnt leave
“Aye Marcus leh go man,ine in di mood fah yuh ‘can do no wrong,can fix everything’
rassclatt right now” he pulled his hand.
Without waiting for anyone’s reaction, he stormed out of the room. The door slammed
behind him, but the echoes of his fury lingered in the silence.
Jeremiah wandered aimlessly, his feet taking him down the winding path toward Sorrisso.
No real destination—just somewhere to drown the bitter taste in his mouth. When he
pushed open the bar door, the mix of laughter, music, and clinking glasses greeted him.
The air was heavy with the smell of jerk chicken and rum, but it wasn’t enough to ease the
storm inside him.
He leaned against the bar and ordered a bourbon without looking up. The cold glass in his
hand was a small comfort as he swirled the amber liquid, lost in thought.
That’s when he saw her.
She wasn’t like the usual girls who hung around places like this. Her smooth skin seemed
to glow under the dim lights, her dreadlocks cascading down her back like a wild, natural
crown. A red birthmark trailed from her joint to the middle of her arm, catching the light as if
it had a story of its own,as if it were alive. Then there was the tattoo—some language he
couldn’t place,across her right shoulder , delicate curves flowing like whispers over her
skin. The padlock necklace at her throat, the gold rings glinting on her fingers—everything
about her screamed untamed mystery.
“What yuh want?” Her voice was calm but carried a sharp edge, like she wasn’t here for
bullshit.
Julian’s gaze lingering a little longer than he meant to. “Rum punch,” he said smoothly,
trying to mask the sudden tightness in his chest.
She didn’t say anything as she turned to make the drink. Her hands moved with practiced
ease, and he found himself watching her, intrigued by the grace in her every motion. When
she placed the glass in front of him, he took a sip, savoring the tangy sweetness.
“You work here often?” he asked, trying to spark a conversation.
Her fingers tightened slightly on the counter, but she didn’t meet his gaze right away. “Mi
mother own di place,” she said flatly, like it was the least interesting fact in the world.
He leaned forward, curiosity piqued. “Ahh, that explains the... personal touch.”
Her eyes flicked to his, sharp and annoyed. “Wha dat suppose to mean?”
“Nothin’,” he replied with a teasing smirk. “Just seems like yuh not exactly happy fi be
here.”
Her glare deepened. “An’ yuh seem like yuh shoulda up di hill wid yuh own kind.”
Her words hit harder than he expected, but he kept his composure. “Touché,” he said,
taking another sip of his drink. There was a defiance in her eyes, but something else too—
curiosity, maybe? He couldn’t tell, but he wasn’t ready to give up.
Before he could respond, Maria stumbled into the bar, loud and dramatic. “Sol! i'm back!”
she slurred, flinging herself onto the counter.
“Maria,” Sol hissed, her tone low and exasperated.
The next morning, my phone buzzed. It was Neo, my best friend since forever.
“Yo, bro,” Neo’s voice came through the line, muffled and distracted. “Mi girl need a lift to
her grandparents, but mi kinda tied up right now... Ohhh, Neo, shh baby…”
“Bloodclaat, Neo! Yuh seriously having sex while asking mi fi do yuh favor?” I groaned,
cutting him off. “Fine, but yuh owe mi big time.”
“Ahhh, thanks man. Love yuh… bout fi—” he cut off, but I caught the gist of it.
Shaking my head, I grabbed my keys and headed out. It wasn’t a long drive before I
spotted two familiar figures by the bus stop. Wait… weren’t those the girls from last night?
Neo’s girl and… what was it? Soul,sulfur?
“Yo, Neo’s girl?” I called out, pulling up.
Maria responded quickly. “Yeah.”
“Jump in mi get sen fi gi yall a ride”
The other one,spoke up. “No, it’s fine. Wi can—”
“I wasn’t asking,” I cut her off.
“An’ if yuh mek mi haffi drag yuh in di car mi self, mi will.”
Maria didn’t hesitate, sliding into the back seat. With my golf gear taking up space,The
other on had no choice but to take the front. She crossed her arms, muttering under her
breath.
“Yuh parents nevah teach yuh fi nuh talk to strangers, Maria? Much less get in dem car?”
she quipped.
“Dem dead Soleil,” Maria shot back casually, leaving an awkward silence in her wake.
“Oh,” I blurted, choking on the saliva I’d just tried to swallow. Smooth, juli, smooth.
Sol rolled her eyes. “Maria, mi thought yuh lef Neo ‘cause him try fi marry yuh.”
“What?!” I exclaimed, genuinely startled.
Sol spun toward me. “When di fuck mi ever talk to yuh?”
“Damn, such dirty words from a young lady,” I teased, but she ignored me completely.
At a stoplight, I called Neo.
Me: You try fi marry Maria?
Neo: What? No! Mi ask har fi a pull off her joint an’ she scream ‘no mi nuh ready fi dat
kinda commitment’ an’ run off...
I couldn’t help it. The laugh burst out before I could stop it, filling the car.
Sol glared at me. “Don’t yuh dare.”
But I couldn’t hold it in, the ridiculousness too much to contain.
Later that day, Neo and I hit the golf course. It was our go-to escape when life got too real,
though with Neo around, "escape" usually came with a side of foolishness.
“So, who hole yuh did climb inna when mi call yuh earlier, Neo?” I asked, lining up my
swing.
Neo burst out laughing, clearly unfazed. “Some girl from mi fada workplace… har daughter,
actually.”
I paused, straightening up as the ball rolled off the tee. “Har daughter? Bumboclaat, Neo.
Yuh nah fraid fi dead off wid AIDS or sumn? Yuh cyaan just dip inna any random gyal suh.
Some o’ dem waan kill niggas behind dem front, yuh nuh know?”
Neo slapped his knee, laughing harder. “Mi immune system strong, Juli. Mi nuh worry bout
dem ting deh.”
“Strong?” I raised an eyebrow, grabbing the ball and resetting it. “Yuh immune system
strong like cardboard, bredda. Famous last words, dat.”
Neo wiped a tear from his eye, still chuckling. “What about yuh? Wah gwaan wid di gyal
dem pon yuh end?”
“Naah deh pon it,” I said, swinging too hard and sending the ball flying into the bushes. “Mi
head busy. Mi haffi figure out wah mi fada hiding. Di whole business feel fishy.”
Neo’s face twisted in disbelief as he leaned on his club. “Yuh hear yuhself, Juli? Yuh deh
pon money, luxury, and name-brand life, and yuh a worry bout secrets? If mi did have yuh
kinda cash, mi wouldn’t give a fuck! Mi woulda deh pon a yacht wid three gyal massaging
mi scalp right now.”
I couldn’t help but laugha little. “Yuh woulda dead inna di yacht from some unknown
disease, Neo. Gyals and caution nuh inna yuh vocabulary.”
“Yuh always full a shade,” Neo shot back, shaking his head. “Hear wah, tho—lewwe roll
down by SJ later. Mi need a drink after hearin’ yuh tragic rich-boy complaints.”
I smirked. “Alright, padna. But yuh know yuh buying, right?”
Neo shot me a look like I’d just insulted his entire bloodline. “Me? Yuh di rich man! Yuh
shoulda deh treat mi from long time, bredda!”
Shaking my head, I lined up another swing, and Neo kept running his mouth about how
much I owed him. No matter what madness he was on, Neo had a way of lightening the
mood. Maybe that’s why I let him stay close—he made the chaos seem bearable, if only for
a while.
As we got to SJ i couldnt help but laugh as i realized why Neo was actually here,Rum
punch sure,but really he was here for Maria.
As Neo leaned against the bar, his eyes fixed on Maria like a moth drawn to a flame, I
couldn’t stop the grin that spread across my face. The way he was laying it on thick was
nothing short of comedy gold.
“Maria, yuh know say yuh di prettiest ting mi see all day?” Neo cooed, his voice dripping
with charm.
Maria giggled, twirling one of her braids between her fingers. “Neo, yuh full o’ talk, yuh
know dat?”
“Mi nuh just full o’ talk, mi full o’ kak too,” Neo shot back, winking.yuh
I rolled my eyes, taking a slow sip of my rum punch. “Neo, Relax, man.”
Maria laughed harder, playfully swatting Neo on the arm, but before she could respond, Sol
appeared behind her like a shadow.
“Maria,”rasta girl said sharply, her tone leaving no room for debate. “Yuh nuh have tables fi
clear?”
Maria’s smile faltered, and she glanced between Neo and the badass rasta girll. “Mi was
just—”
“ entertaining nonsense?” Sol interrupted, grabbing her arm. “Come, before Mommy see
yuh and start callin’ yuh lazy again.”
Neo pouted as Maria reluctantly followed rasta girl to the other end of the bar. He turned to
me with a mock-wounded expression. “Yuh see dat? Mi was just gettin’ started.”
“Mi see it clear,” I said, smirking. “She saved yuh from embarrassing yuhself further.”
Neo muttered something under his breath before waving for another drink. Meanwhile, my
eyes drifted to her, who was now efficiently wiping down tables like Maria’s flirting hadn’t
just derailed her shift.
Something about her had my attention. Maybe it was the way she carried herself—graceful
but guarded, like she had no time for foolishness. Or maybe it was the way she spoke, her
words always crisp and cutting, with just enough heat to leave a burn.
I slid off my stool and wandered toward her. “Yuh have a habit o’ cock-blocking, or dat just
special treatment fi Neo?”
She didn’t even look up from the table she was cleaning. “Cock-blocking?” she repeated,
her voice dripping with mockery. “Bwoy, please.him cock nuh big enough fi need blockin’.”
I chuckled, leaning casually against the chair beside her, unbothered by her cutting remark,
and let a slow, sly smile spread across his face. “How yuh know dat, girl? Like yuh been
down deh already?”
The words hung in the air, bold and heavy, daring her to respond.
“I-”
“-you what?” i said bring my ears closer to her mouth.
“Fuck you”
“Damn dat how yuh treat customers round ere,bumbaclaat”I barked a laugh, holding my
hands up in mock surrender. “Alright, alright. Mi just curious dat’s all.”
“Curiosity kill cat,” she shot back, spinning on her heel and heading back toward the bar
without another word.
Neo, who’d been eavesdropping from his stool, nearly fell over laughing. “Yuh nuh ready fi
Sol, bredda. She rough like shark skin!”
“Dat har name,sol?” Iasked
“Soleil Pao,she sweet bad bai,nobody never get in deh doh”
“Hm..”i muttered shaking my head but unable to fight the smirk on my face. Sol wasn’t just
rough—she was fire, and I was starting to think I didn’t mind getting burned.
Chapter 3
Soleil POV
Maria’s house was cozy, almost suffocatingly so. The walls were lined with old family
photos and shelves stacked with books that smelled faintly of dust and time. The faint
sound of a reggae station crackled from the small radio in the corner, filling the room with
an easy, nostalgic rhythm.
I shifted on the worn couch, still holding the photo. My fingers traced the edges of it, the
grainy texture bringing back vivid memories of bright lights, thumping music, and the smell
of coconut oil and sweat on polished wood floors.
The girl in the photo didn’t look like me anymore. Back then, Soleil Vanessa Pao was
fearless. Bold. A firecracker in every sense of the word. Now? Just embers.
Maria plopped down beside me, her energy a sharp contrast to the quiet ache in my chest.
She leaned over, squinting at the photo before grinning. “Damn, yuh really had moves,
Soleil. I mean, look at yuh! Like a damn pro.”
I shrugged, my fingers tightening around the edges of the picture. “It’s just a picture. Nothin’
special,guess i grew-”
Maria snorted,cutting me off, nudging me with her elbow. “Yuh didn’t grow out of it,yuh
muss stop seh dat”
I glanced at her, startled by the conviction in her voice. “What?”
Maria tilted her head, her curls bouncing. “Dancin’. Yuh didn’t grow out of it, Soleil. Yuh ran
from it.”
Her words hit me harder than they should have, and I felt my stomach tighten. “Same
thing,” I muttered, trying to deflect.
Maria leaned back, crossing her legs beneath her. “Nah, it’s not.” Her voice softened, the
teasing edge gone. “Yuh ran,it meant somethin’ to yuh Soleil. Somethin’ big. And when yuh
couldn’t handle what it meant… yuh left it behind.”
I tried to laugh it off, but the sound came out hollow. “Yea well i’m grown now,i got other
dreams”
Maria rolled her eyes, a playful smirk tugging at her lips. “Chile, what dreams,SJ?dat is
aunty Patsy dream gyul,she done get dat,you gotta stop running from yuh truth cause one
day it gon bite yuh Soleil.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but Maria cut me off, her voice firm but kind. “Look, I might be
scatterbrained an’ wild as hell, but I know when my best friend’s in pain. And Soleil, this
right here”—she pointed at the photo still clutched in my hand—“this is you. Di real you.
Yuh can pretend all yuh want, but I see it. I see her.”
My chest tightened, and I looked away, blinking back the heat behind my eyes. “I don’t… I
don’t wanna talk about this right now.”
Maria didn’t push, but she didn’t let me off easy either. “Fine, we won’t talk now. But yuh
better stop pretendin’ dat part of yuh doesn’t exist, because no matter how far yuh run, it’s
still inside yuh.”
Before I could respond, the sound of a car door slamming outside broke the tension. Maria
sprang up and peered through the curtain.
“Gran an’ Pop home,” she said, her voice lighter now.
I stood and set the photo back on the shelf, my hand lingering for a moment longer than it
should have. “Good. I need somethin’ fi distract me.”
Maria laughed, heading for the door. “C’mon then. Gran’s probably bringin’ somethin’ sweet
from di market.”
I followed her out to the porch, the evening air warm and sticky against my skin. Gran and
Pop were unloading bags from their car, their voices carrying in the fading sunlight.
“Gran, yuh need help?” Maria called out.
“Always,” her grandmother replied, laughing as she handed Maria a basket filled with fresh
produce.
As I helped Pop with the heavier bags, his weathered face broke into a warm smile. “Soleil!
Haven’t seen yuh in a while, chile. Yuh keepin’ outta trouble?”
I laughed lightly, trying to shake off the heaviness in my chest. “Tryin’ my best, Pop.”
“Good gyul eh?noting like mah lil pip squeak grandbaby always get mi runnin an talkin,” he
said, patting my shoulder. “Trouble find yuh quick if yuh nuh watch it nah sah Mari”
“I tell yuh bai,mi does js deh doin mi ting an before yuh know trouble find mi pops”
We laughed As we all moved inside, the lively energy of Maria’s grandparents filled the
house. They fussed over us, making sure we were comfortable and well-fed. The aroma of
stewed chicken and spices wafted from the kitchen, mingling with the warm chatter.
But even as I smiled and laughed along, a part of me felt disconnected, like I was still stuck
in that photo, reaching for a piece of myself I wasn’t sure I could get back.
Maria caught my eye from across the room, her expression knowing. She mouthed, We’ll
talk later.
I nodded, forcing a smile. Later. Maybe. If I was ready.
For now, I let the sounds of the house—Maria’s laughter, Gran’s stories, Pop’s deep
chuckles—wrap around me like a fragile shield, keeping the memories at bay just a little
longer.
Call with Mom
Mom: "Hello?"
Me: "Mãe? I’m staying at Mari’s tonight. You don’t mind, right?"
Mom: "No, baby, but don’t give Arlene and Pops any trouble, hear me? I’ll bring dumpling
and brigadeiro later."
Me: "Thanks, Mãe. Love you. See you later!"
I hung up, shaking my head with a small grin. That woman could turn a simple check-in into
a whole m eal plan.
Maria’s voice cut through like a sharp slap of sea breeze. “What happen? Like yuh find
some man or wah? Yuh grinning big big on de phone so.”
I rolled my eyes, locking my phone. “Yuh mind my business for once, Maria? Nosy!”
Maria sucked her teeth loudly and strutted over to me with a grin that promised nothing
good. “Yuh gettin' sassy now, Sol? Look how life sweet eh—locks gettin long, mouth rude.”
“Whatever, gyal,” I muttered, flopping into the chair.
She started re-twisting my locks, pulling a little harder than necessary. “Sol, lemme tell yuh
something,” she said with all the authority of an auntie at a wedding. “I think is time yuh–”
I whipped around so fast she had to step back. “Maria, nah start wid me tonight! I tell yuh, I
don’t want no man!” My voice was sharp enough to cut the air.
Maria folded her arms, her brows lifting. “But why? Yuh allergic or wha’? Man sneeze pon
yuh, yuh catch rash?”
I laughed despite myself, swatting at her hand. “Yuh stupid, Maria. I just don’t want the
stress, dat’s all.”
She smirked, leaning over me. “Yuh fraid yuh might fall hard, or fraid yuh might actually like
it?” she kissed my forehead.
“Maria, please. Gyal, go find a hobby,” I said, throwing my hands up.
Maria gasped, clutching her chest like I’d offended her ancestors. “Yuh see? Dis is why
nobody taking yuh on. Big talk, no charm.”
We both broke into laughter then, her hand lightly swatting my shoulder as I finally relaxed
back into the chair.
“Sit down, Soleil Pao, and hush. I’m not done wid yuh,” she said, tugging my locks gently
now, her voice dripping with mock authority.
“Yuh locks coming in nice, yuh know. Long, smooth, and all dat.”
“Yeah, yeah, give me compliments after yuh just cuss me,” I teased.
“Yuh go take dem anyway,” she shot back, sectioning another piece of hair.
“Yuh ever miss yuh curls?” she asked after a beat, her tone softer now, like she was testing
the water.
“Nah really,” I replied, my voice quieter too. “Locks feel more like… me. Like freedom.”
Maria leaned down, her chin resting on my shoulder for a moment. “Well, don’t free yuhself
too much, Sol. Yuh still need some rope to hold yuh steady.”
I tilted my head to look at her, and her playful smirk was back in full force. “Steady? Gyal,
yuh is not no prophet.”
She flicked my forehead gently. “Shut up before I leave yuh halfway done and looking
mad.”
It was late, somewhere around 10:50, and the air was thick with the smell of night-blooming
jasmine. We were lounging on the porch, half-watching the moths dance around the porch
light, when a familiar car pulled up to the gate—Julian’s.?
“NEOOOOO!” Maria squealed like she’d just seen a celebrity, bolting down the steps
toward the car.
Neo climbed out, looking half-asleep but smirking like he’d expected this welcome. They
exchanged a few hushed words, Maria’s voice low and giggly, before she turned and
sprinted back toward me.
“Wanna go to the beach?” she asked, her eyes already sparkling with mischief.
I frowned at her like she’d lost her mind. “Maria, like yuh schupid or wah? Look de time,
gyal! Almost eleven!”
She pouted dramatically, clasping her hands together like she was in some soap opera.
“Pl–”
“ Fuck no.” I cut her off, not even entertaining the thought.
She shrugged, unfazed, and skipped back to the car like I hadn’t even spoken. By the time
I got up to see what she was doing, she was already sliding into the back seat, right next to
Neo.“Mari–Maria!” I hissed, trying to shout without waking Gran and Pops, my voice a
harsh whisper through clenched teeth.
Of course, she didn’t look back. I had no choice but to follow. With an annoyed groan, I
grabbed two of Pops’ oversized shirts off the clothesline—one for her, one for me—and
hauled one over my head as I jogged to the car.
By the time I reached, Maria and Neo were in full make-out mode. I slapped the other shirt
across her face.
“Put that on, Maria. And move, Neo. I’m not sitting up front.”
“What?fuck no,juli nah gon bite yuh gyul”
“Neo, I’m not asking twice. Move.”
He looked at Maria for backup, but she just mouthed, “It’s okay, just go.” Neo groaned,
dragging himself out of the seat and shouldered past me on his way to the front.
I didn’t even dignify him with a response, just glared at his back as I climbed into the car.
Maria, of course, was already grinning like a child who’d just stolen candy.
“No. I hate you,” I said, glaring at her as I slammed the door shut.
She didn’t even flinch, just wrapped her arms around me in a bear hug that smelled like
coconut oil and trouble.
“So much,” I muttered, even as I reluctantly hugged her back.
Chapter 4
Julian’s POV
No way
Neo and Maria were on the front of my car slamming into eachother like i wasnt right here.
Soleil was in the back seat,sleeping?Reading? I don’t know
“Ion really in di mood fah watch in real life porn,sah i gine fah a walk yuh wan come?”
“No” she replied not even looking at me
“Uhhh Neoooo” Maria moaned out
I shoved my hands in my pockets and stepped out of the car, the humid night clinging to my
skin like a second layer. The sound of Maria’s overly enthusiastic enthusiasm—did they really
have to do that here?—faded into the background as I started down the beach.
The sand was cool under my feet, the waves whispering their secrets to the shore. I didn’t
bother looking back to see if Soleil was following. But then, I heard her steps, light but
deliberate, just a few paces behind me.
“Julian,” she called, her voice cutting through the rhythmic hush of the waves.
I slowed, glancing over my shoulder. “Call me Jules.”
She didn’t miss a beat. “Okay, Julian, as I was saying…”
A faint grin tugged at my lips before I turned back toward the water.
“So, where yuh going?” she asked, her tone sharp, like she wasn’t actually interested in the
answer but didn’t want silence to hang too long between us.
“Just walking,” I said. “Tryna not hear your friend back there giving a live audition for
pornhub.”
She made a sound—half scoff, half laugh—that I felt more than heard.
“Yuh always chat too much, Julian,” she muttered, but it wasn’t harsh, more like a passing
breeze.
We walked a little longer, the beach stretching wide and endless under the moonlight. The
waves came and went, a steady rhythm against the stillness between us.
“Why’d yuh come?” I asked finally, breaking the quiet.
“Maria.” Her answer was quick, clipped.
I glanced sideways at her. The oversized shirt she’d thrown on was slipping off one
shoulder, her arms crossed as if to guard herself against something invisible.
“Yuh could’ve stayed home,” I pointed out, kicking at a stray shell in the sand.
“ Nah. Somebody has to make sure she doesn’t drown herself in trouble.”
“Yuh act like yuh har mudda somethin’.”
She stopped walking, her arms tightening across her chest. “Someone has to be.”
There was something in the way she said it—flat, defensive, but with a crack underneath. I
slowed to a stop too, turning to face her fully.
“What’s that mean?” I asked.
“Forget it,” she said, her gaze darting to the waves. Her voice was colder now, sharper.
“Nah.” I took a step closer, watching how her fingers curled into the fabric of Pops’ shirt.
“I’m not gonna just forget it.”
Her jaw tightened, and for a moment, I thought she’d shut down completely. But then she
let out a long breath, her shoulders sagging.
“She’s all I got, Julian,” she said quietly, the words tumbling out like she hadn’t meant to
say them. “Maria… she’s wild,she’s… she’s Maria. Yuh know?”
I nodded, unsure of what to say. There was a rawness in her voice I wasn’t used to
hearing—a crack in her usually unshakable exterior.
“And you?” I asked after a beat. “Who’s got you?”
Her head snapped up, her eyes locking onto mine. For a split second, the world went still.
“I got me,” she said, her voice low and steady, but there was something beneath it.
Something that sounded more like I wish someone did.
“That’s a lonely way to live, Soleil.” I said, the words coming out before I could think better
of them.
She stared at me, unblinking, her expression unreadable. “I’m fine with lonely.”
"Idiot ting man" I murmured, the word slipping out before I could stop it.
Her eyes snapped to mine, sharp and defiant, but she didn’t step back. “Watch yourself,
Julian.”
I smirked, leaning in just enough to make her breath catch. “Always do.”
The silence between us stretched, heavy and electric. And then, just as quickly as it came,
she stepped back, breaking whatever spell had been woven between us.
“Let’s get back,” she said, her voice steady, her walls back up.
I nodded, biting back a grin as I followed her back to the car. For all her walls and bravado,
Soleil Vanessa Pao was an open book—if yuh knew how to read between the lines.
The moonlight glinted off the pool, a perfect, undisturbed reflection of the night sky. I leaned
back in the lounge chair, cradling a glass of bourbon that probably cost more than most
people’s rent. The burn as it slid down my throat wasn’t as satisfying as I’d hoped. Nothing
ever was.
“Juli—”
“Don’t waste mi time, sir,” I said, cutting my father off before he could get comfortable in the
silence. I didn’t bother looking at him, just swirled the bourbon in my glass and stared at the
rippling water.
“It’s important.”
I let out a dry laugh, shaking my head. “Mi seh doh waste mi bloodclaat time, man. Now
yah understand mi?”
There was a sharp intake of breath behind me, the kind of sound he made when his pride
got nicked but he was too proud to let it show.
“That’s not how yuh talk to yuh fada, boy,” he said, his voice low and steady. The kind of
tone meant to assert control.
I slammed the glass down on the table beside me, the sound ringing out like a gunshot.
“WELL, HOW ELSE DO I TALK TO YOU?!” I roared, turning to face him.
He froze, not expecting the outburst.
“All I am to you is a business ting,” I continued, my voice shaking with the kind of rage that
had been building for years. “Not your son. Just the backup plan because yuh big son dem
worthless. One of dem name too dirty to go anywhere, and the other one…” I laughed
bitterly, “…just gay.”
“Julian… how… why would you…” a voice stammered from the shadows.
I turned sharply to see Marcus standing at the edge of the patio, his face pale in the
moonlight. I hadn’t realized he was there.
“Marcus,” my father said, his voice faltering. “Yu-yah battyman?” His tone was laced with a
mix of disbelief and disgust that made my stomach churn.
Marcus stepped forward, his fists clenched at his sides. His jaw tightened, and he squared
his shoulders, standing taller than I’d ever seen him.
“Sorry, Marc, I didn’t—” I started, but he cut me off.
“You was di one person mi trusted inna di whole family, Julian,” he said, his voice trembling
with anger and betrayal. “Di one person. An’ yuh betray mi like dat?”
I opened my mouth to respond, but the sudden screech of tires on the driveway yanked all
our attention to the front of the house. Headlights swung erratically across the yard as a
black sports car pulled up and slammed to a stop.
The door flung open, and out stumbled Lucas, loud and drunk, with a woman clinging to
him—a slim thing in a dress so tight it might as well have been painted on. She was
giggling uncontrollably, her high heels clicking awkwardly against the cobblestones.
“FAMILY MEETIN’! Guess I’m just in time!” Lucas bellowed, throwing his arms wide as he
staggered toward us. “What we talkin’ ‘bout, eh? Business? Or Marcus’… li’l secret?” He
laughed like he’d made the joke of the century.
“Lucas,” my father growled, his face darkening with fury. “What di hell is this?”
Lucas ignored him and gestured lazily to the woman. “Meet… um…” He frowned, blinking
at her. “What’s yuh name again, babe?”
She giggled, not answering, and latched onto his arm, her lipstick smudged.
“Lucas, yuh drunk ass need fi go bed,” Marcus snapped, his voice shaking with suppressed
anger.
“Me? Nah, mi good,” Lucas slurred, pointing at Marcus with the neck of a half-empty bottle
of rum he’d somehow smuggled in. “But you, little bro…” He squinted at Marcus, his smirk
turning nasty. “Battyman, huh? Guess Daddy’s proud of you now!”
“Lucas, shut yuh mouth!” I barked, stepping toward him, but Marcus beat me to it.
“Yuh need fi leave, Lucas,” Marcus said coldly, his hands trembling at his sides. “Now.”
Lucas chuckled, swaying slightly. “Leave? Why? Mi right here wid mi woman. Unlike you,
Marcus. What yuh bring home? Nothin’ but shame.”
The slap echoed across the patio before I even registered Marcus had moved. Lucas
stumbled back, clutching his face, his expression stunned before it twisted into rage.
“You little shit!” Lucas lunged at him, but I shoved him back, my hand firm against his chest.
“Enough!” my father barked, his voice ringing with authority. He stepped between them, his
jaw tight. “Lucas, get di hell outta mi sight. Take dat gyal and go.”
Lucas scoffed, wiping the corner of his mouth, but didn’t argue. He grabbed the woman’s
arm, dragging her toward the house.
“Y’all a joke,” he muttered as he stumbled away. “Whole family a joke.”
I turned to Marcus, who was still trembling, his fists clenched so tightly his knuckles were
white. “Marc—”
“Nah,” he said sharply, his voice raw. “Yuh already done enough, Julian.” His eyes, glassy
with unshed tears, bored into mine. “Mi cyaan believe yuh, man.”
I didn’t have anything to say. For the first time, I was completely at a loss for words.
Marcus turned and walked away without another glance, his back stiff, leaving me and my
father standing by the pool, the weight of everything pressing down like a stone.
“You happy now?” I said bitterly, turning to him.
“You brought dis on yuhself,” he replied coldly. “Yuh want to destroy dis family, Julian?
Fine. But don’t forget—yuh still part of it. No matter how much yuh fight it.”
“I don’t need this family,” I shot back. “Yuh can keep di lies, di fake smiles, di dirty secrets.
All I ever needed was—”
I stopped short, my words catching in my throat. Because the truth was, Marcus had been
the only person in this family I could lean on.
And now I’d lost him too.
My father didn’t respond, just shook his head and walked away, leaving me alone by the
pool with nothing but the sound of the waves and the bitter taste of bourbon.