FROM RUMOR TO “FACT”: HOW CONFLICT AND UNITY ARE PART OF ALL
OF US
So, you know those tropes about found family? What about something like “I never
knew I was related to THESE monsters? Have you ever wondered why that is? Is it
the truth, or simply your truth? Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference; people tend
to believe that they are in the right when, in reality, they might be wrong. Take yourself,
for example: people have many impressions of you, but have you ever stopped to think
about why they make those assumptions?
When I was younger, I met someone who would later become one of my closest
friends. He walked right up to me and pushed me over. While this might be seen as
bullying, you have to take into account that we were young, small-minded
preschoolers. Even so, this set my simple, naive self down a path of malice. We were
friends—at least, that was the case for a while. Fast forward to Grade 1: we met again,
but I didn’t recognize him at first. All I remembered was that he had pushed me over.
By this point, I had forgotten our friendship and was full of pure, unbridled malice.
So, I did everything I could to make his life miserable. And yet, he remained steadfast
through it all—like he couldn’t hear us at all. He didn’t react when I mocked his
handwriting, or when the teacher made fun of him for writing slowly. He didn’t even
care. But would you believe that just ONE year later, I completely forgot our quarrel
and miraculously remembered all the good times we had together? Sounds like I made
it up, right? Well, I wish it were. Apparently, I was just gullible back then.
So, what do you think happened that school year? I became friends with him, and we
became practically inseparable. But how does this relate to the topic? See, my attitude
toward him changed based on what I thought I had experienced with him. From my
friend’s perspective, a regular person would understand if he felt confused throughout
the whole ordeal. I went from being mostly non-responsive, to malicious, and finally to
friendly. But he didn’t have the perspective of a regular human being just yet. This was
all from the perspective of someone whose age was still in single digits.
From his point of view, he had no intention to harm anyone. Back in preschool, he had
only pushed people to see their reactions. Yet, from their perspective, he was the bully.
This narrative was so deeply ingrained that even I believed it for years! In truth, he
only wanted to make friends. It was never his goal to harm people directly; he just
didn’t know how to connect properly. Through his search for friendship, he ended up
sparking rivalry. See where I’m going? Intentional or not, our interactions can always
be perceived differently, as long as there’s room for another perspective. In some
cases, these impressions can become fact. People may start pushing their version of
events, and a new narrative can form.
Likewise, sometimes people will all agree on one version of a story simply because it
looks like it’s true. Take my story, for example. From a distance, watching a
preschooler push people around and seeing them cry is usually associated with
bullying. But sometimes, if you dig a little deeper into the situation, your opinion might
change. Think of it like a plot twist—there’s a detail you can’t explain, but suddenly, it
all makes sense.
One time, when I was in high school, I had a lot of malice toward some of my
classmates. So much so that I ended up stealing their AirPods. The case, the
AirPods—the whole set. Later that day, our class president made an announcement.
They mentioned that their AirPods were missing, and that was all I needed to hear.
From that moment, I knew I’d stolen from the wrong person. So, later that day, as they
were looking for it, I “found” the AirPods, and told them I had discovered them stuck in
a sewer grate near the school’s exit. Unfortunately, the look on their face made me
realize my alibi was shallow.
So, what does this tell us? Not only did my malice toward others have dire
consequences for me, but it also earned me a horrible reputation. My intention to harm
a specific person backfired, and everyone’s perception of me changed. I went from
being a random classmate to the local thief sitting in the corner. Thanks to that incident,
I started noticing how my classmates’ behavior toward me had changed. It was harsh,
but it was a lesson I needed to learn. I had never stolen before; But after that event, I
was suddenly a kleptomaniac. While I know that’s not true, it became their truth. To
the class, it was treated as a fact. And so, it became the rest of the schools truth to
those who listened. After all, who would listen to the minority of the topic? Let alone
the subject of these rumors?
In some cases, this can lead to fluctuating or mixed opinions. Take my parents, for
example: Many of my interactions with them have involved them irritating me despite
their good intentions, or their sour moods rubbing off on me. Yes, I don’t hate you, but
sometimes, you just make me want to strangle something. Yes, I get it—we’re all
stressed. But when you’re constantly on our backs about it, it feels like a chore. It gets
so hard to tolerate. This opinion, this view of them, is so volatile that even I don’t know
how I’ll feel whenever I’m around them.
Opinions, thoughts, beliefs, and conditions all have a much bigger influence on our
actions than we realize. It’s a no-brainer, but it’s such an interesting concept with many
layers behind it. It shapes our actions and can change our worldview in an instant.
Unity and conflict are so intertwined within us that there’s no simple way to
permanently separate the two.