Forgiveness.
An act of forgiving or being forgiven
An intentional decision to let go of the resentment and anger
A word that my mom always tells me back when I was still a kid, that we should
forgive the people who have wronged us as this will set us free and be happy with our
life. I was confused at that time because I believe, forgiving someone who hurt you is
one of the hardest things I will do in my life. I have this irrational thinking that I have to
hurt them too or seek revenge for the people who have done bad things to me. However,
while growing up, I realized that forgiving was not that really hard.
When my sister pushed me back when I was in grade 5, causing for my teeth in
front to cracked and making me insecure to myself, made me hate my sister. However,
one sorry from her, will always make me forgive her and laugh at her silly jokes again
because of the fact that I love her. When my mother promise to buy me something
because I was in the top list in our class, but ended up not fulfilling it, made me
disappointed at her for a short time. However, just like my sister, one sorry from her will
always make me crawl back at her arms again. When my friends and classmates turn
their backs at me, belittled me, made me question my existence as well as betrayed me
by spilling my secrets and backstabbing me, made me also hate them. However, before
my junior high graduation ends, I just find myself saying sorry to them and forgiving
them too because I don’t want to move forward without reconciling with them.
All of these moments in life made me believe that forgiving is indeed easy because
whenever they say sorry at me, there’s this baggage in my chest that is lifted whenever
they say that magic word, and then I just find myself hanging around at them again.
However, as times passed by, I realized that there is someone that I hated the most.
I hated her because she is very selfish. She will do anything to get what she wants
without considering the feelings of the people around her. She wants to be the best at
her class that’s why she ended up hurting her friends because of the fact that she’s afraid
that someone might tamper her position. I hated her because she always envies other
people. She is not content with what she has in life. She is ashamed about her status in
life because of the fact that her mother is only a housewife while his father is only a
carpenter. That’s why, whenever their friends talk about their parents, she will end up
listening at their stories. While her friends thinks that she is just a silent type of person
because of not talking, God knows the truth that she isn’t like that. The reason why she’s
quiet because of the fact that she is ashamed with what she has in life. I also hate her
because she is a great liar and a great pretender. There were times that she lies and keep
on pretending because she believes that would make the people want her and stay with
her, but ended up leaving her because of herself too. There are also times that she blames
God for the things that happens in her life.
I hated her for everything that she has done wrong in her life.
You might be confused why I can’t forgive that person easily just like what I did
for the people who hurt me. That’s why when I encountered the question, “Who is the
hardest thing you forgive?”, it is this someone I hate the most, because that someone
happened to be me.
Self-forgiveness is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Of all the people
who hurt me in this lifetime, myself was the most challenging and hardest person to
forgive because of the things that I’ve done in my life. I’m very ashamed and regretted
that I did those things. I believe that I should not love myself and I deserve a punishment
because of the stupid things and decisions that I have done to hurt others.
When I started my journey in senior high, I realized that I have to forgive myself
too because it is the only way for me to be free and live the life that I wanted in this
lifetime. I wanted to wake up every morning without feeling guilty and ashamed for the
things that I did. Just like others, I am a human too. I’m also have imperfections, commit
mistakes and failures. That’s why, just like God send Christ to this world to forgive us, I
was also born in this world to forgive others and to forgive myself also.
People might see that self-forgiveness
However, I realized that I am human too. It is normal for us
Embracing self-forgiveness requires us to let go of the unrealistic expectations and standards we
often impose upon ourselves. It is a journey towards self-acceptance, in which we learn to embrace
our flaws and imperfections as integral aspects of our humanity. In doing so, we free ourselves
from the shackles of self-criticism and self-doubt, allowing space for self-love and self-compassion
to flourish.