I am grateful to my family for their help and support that was provided to me
during the making of this little writing.
My father, wife and children dedicated.
P.S. You need to be patient, to go the way of healing with maximum efficiency.
Copyright 2016 by Jack Oliver - All rights reserved.
This document is geared towards providing exact and reliable information in
regards to the topic and issue covered. The publication is sold with the idea that
the publisher is not required to render accounting, officially permitted, or
otherwise, qualified services. If advice is necessary, legal or professional, a
practiced individual in the profession should be ordered.
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Content
Part I. – Introduction
1. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy
2. History
3. Theory
Part II – Variety of Cognitive Therapy
1. Rational-Emotive Therapy
2. Cognitive Therapy
3. Training Self-Instruction
4. Therapy Methods Hide Simulation
5. Coping Skills Training
6. Anxiety Control Training
7. Treatment Methods of Solving Problems
8. Resume
Part III – Cognitive Therapy of Aaron Beck
1. The Methods of Cognitive Therapy
2. Cognitive Therapy Technique
Part IV – Cognitive-Behavioral EXERCISES
1. Anxiety Treatment: Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy
2. Exercises to Overcome Fear
3. Exercises to Relieve Stress
4. Exercises Based on Techniques of Psych Synthesis, Assagioli
developed..
5. Exercise Emergency Psychological Self-Help ("The mental dialogue
with the mirror").
6. Exercise for "Recharging Cyanogenic Dominant" (therapeutic and
supportive exercise applied after the "coding").
Conclusion
Author
Part I – Introduction
This book is the result of many years of research and clinical practice. Her
appearance on the light is made possible through the efforts of many, many
people - clinicians, researchers and patients. Paying tribute to the contribution of
individuals, I suppose also, that in itself cognitive therapy is a reflection of the
changes that have for many years taken place in the field of behavioral sciences
and only took shape in the leading trend in recent years. However, we can’t
accurately assess the role played by the so-called "cognitive revolution in
psychology" in the development of cognitive therapy.
Clinical observations, experimental and correlational studies, as well as ongoing
attempts to explain the data, Contradictions of psychoanalytic theory led me to a
complete rethinking of the psychopathology of depression and other
neurological disorders. Finding that depressed patients do not have a need for
suffering, I began to look for other explanations of their behavior that only
"look" as the need for suffering. I wondered: how else can you explain their
relentless self-flagellation, their steadily negative perception of reality and what
seemed to be told about the presence of auto-hostility, namely their suicidal
desires?
Remembering his experience of the "masochistic" dreams of depressed patients,
which, in fact, was the starting point of my research, I began to look for
alternative explanations for the fact that depressive dreamer constantly sees
himself in the loser dream - he either loses some valuable thing, or It can’t
achieve some important goals, or appears defective, ugly, repulsive. Listening to
how patients describe yourself and your experience, I noticed that they
systematically reinterpreting the facts for the worse. These interpretations,
shaped similar to the number of their dreams, made me think that depressed
patients is inherent in a distorted perception of reality.
Thanks to several studies, we filled up our knowledge about how depressed
patients evaluate their current expertise and its prospects. These experiments
have shown that under certain conditions a series of successfully completed jobs
can play a huge role in changing the patient's negative self-concept and thereby
eliminate many symptoms of depression.
Cognitive therapy is constantly used in certain phases of the psychotherapeutic
process in combination with other techniques. The cognitive approach to defects
in the emotional sphere transforms the point of view of individuals to their own
identity and problems. This type of therapy is convenient because it seamlessly
blends with any psychotherapeutic approach orientation, is able to complement
other methods and significantly enrich their effectiveness.
1. Cognitive-Behavioral
Behavior Therapy)
Therapy
(Cognitive
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) - This approach is intended to change
the mental images, thoughts and thinking patterns in order to help patients to
overcome emotional and behavioral problems. It is based on the theory that
behavior and emotions are partly due to cognition and cognitive processes,
change that can be learned. Traditional methods of psychotherapy. Always
recognized the important role of cognition in behavior and emotions, but
cognitive behavioral therapy is different from the previous insight-oriented
approaches in that it is only the material of cognition, there is a "here and now".
Working with these cognitions held more systematically than in other methods of
psychotherapy. It uses the principles of behavior modification to detect existing
cognitions and identify those that are problematic. Behavioral techniques are
used to eliminate unwanted cognitions, offers new thinking patterns and ways of
thinking through issues and to support these new cognitions.
These techniques include:
a) registration of desirable and undesirable cognitions and fixing the conditions
of their appearance;
b) modeling of new cognitions;
c) use of the imagination to visualize how new cognitions can be co-related with
desirable behavior and emotional well-being;
g) The use of these new cognitions in practice in real situations, so that they
become a common way of thinking of the patient.
Cognition, which change may be required, include separate opinions and beliefs
and their systems, as well as thoughts and images.
Man organizes and uses of cognition by means of cognitive processes.
These processes include:
a) methods of evaluating and organizing information. about themselves and the
environment;
b) information processing means. to fit in life and problem-solving, and c)
methods of prediction and evaluation of future events.
2. History
Cognitive-behavioral therapy as an independent direction separated from the
field of behavior modification and behavior therapy. Behavioral therapy 1960s. I
tried to explain and treat emotional and behavioral problems by using the same
laws of operant (et al.) of conditioning, which are successfully used in the study
of the behavior of lower organisms, infants and those with mental retardation.
However, it was found that even a very powerful external manipulation often
could not change the natural behavior of the adult study. For example, in the
treatment of depression can, in principle, support "happy" behaviors and punish
"depressive". However, if the patient's cognitive processes include the tendency
to self-incrimination or the vision of himself as a failure, the external
manipulation will be ineffective.
Interest in self-control or the ability to independence from immediate rewards
and punishments to achieve the objective contributed to the transition of many
behaviorists from the concept of external control of behavior to theories
postulating the possibility of using individual cognitive skills to solve problems
in the environment. The thought process began to attach important role in
determining the behavior and emotions.
Albert Bandura's monograph Principles of behavior modification ("behavior
modification principles") has become an important event for many behavioral
therapists who were in search of a more integrative model because it represented
the theoretical interpretation of operant and classical conditioning, while
stressing the importance of cognitive processes in the regulation of behavior.
3. Theory
Cognition is never addressed in the work with the lower animals. Human life is
so complicated and we get through the voice channel so much information that
cognition and cognitive processes can create something that is not an accurate
reflection of the reality surrounding the individual. These cognitions can cause
improper, unwanted behavior and / or emotions. The same environmental
conditions may cause some people fear or depression and not cause any
reactions in others.
People learn to meet their needs, observing the outcome of events and behaviors.
On the basis of these observations they occur expectations about what will
happen in the future and their own ability to act in such circumstances. They also
show that a certain course of events causes certain emotional reactions. They
compare themselves with others and form value judgments about their behavior
and the behavior of others. Thus, our behavior is determined not only by external
conditions, but also the decisions that we make on the basis of our cognitions
about these conditions. So, cognition may cause unwanted behavior or emotions,
depending on what the individual cognition learned to use in different situations.
If people learn to think of themselves as losers, they may become depressed. If
they start thinking that they can not cope with the situation, they will try to avoid
it. The goal of cognitive therapy is to change the erroneous image of the patient's
thinking about himself and his teaching skills necessary to deal with problematic
situations. The therapy involves teaching experience, which aims to change the
cognition of this, at once, to make them more appropriate and do not interfere
with social or emotional development.
Part II – Variety of Cognitive Therapy
1. Rational-Emotive Therapy
Albert Ellis found in their patients the presence of irrational beliefs such as "I
must be perfect" and "everyone should love me." These beliefs are accompanied
by the concerns of the patient with the way people around him think about it.
Any deviation from the reality of these beliefs the patient interprets as a terrible
event. Because the reality rarely corresponds to irrational expectations of
depression becomes probable. The therapy is based on the fact that patients are
encouraged to adopt a more rational cognition by modeling appropriate thoughts.
Patients are encouraged to monitor the quality of your thoughts, conscious
registration frequency of their occurrence and impact on emotions.
2. Cognitive Therapy
A. Beck described how people can become depressed when they use distorted
thinking. Examples of such thinking include fixation on failure rather than
success, the belief that one failure is a total failure, and others. Cognitive
tendency of seeing yourself in a negative light. Therapy consists in recognizing
these trends and homework for production of successful experience. The patient
demonstrate examples of more adaptive, positive cognitions, which he uses in
practice as long as they do not replace old-style thinking.
3. Training Self-Instruction
D. Meichenbaum considered cognition as a self-instruction used in the
development of behavioral skills. These instructions were at the level of
consciousness in the early learning behavioral patterns. After the training
instructions disappear from consciousness and behavior takes place
automatically. Memorizing abnormal instructions may lead to undesirable
behavior. If the instructions are incorrect or incomplete, the patient will
experience anxiety due to the possibility of inadequate behavior. The therapy is
to teach by modeling a new self-instruction. The patient, relying on your
imagination, imagine using a new instruction system for the new behavior of the
system. This therapy is used mainly with aggressive children and exam phobia.
4. Therapy Methods Hide Simulation
J. Kotel explored ways to teach people coping with stressful, anxiety-causing
situations, offering them mentally rehearse the desired behavior. Patients learn to
imagine what will happen as a result of their behavior and what actions they can
take to deal with the situation. The patient also uses relaxation techniques. Thus,
anxiety and stress do not prevent the implementation of the plan. This method
was used in the treatment of phobias and self-doubt.
5. Coping Skills Training
This therapy is described M. Goldfridom, similar to the hidden modeling. The
patient imagines a stressful situation, and then coping with anxiety. However,
coping skills training (coping) imaging is performed in a series of increasingly
frightening images. Using the technique of muscle relaxation allows you to carry
a higher level of anxiety at each subsequent stage. Thus, the anxiety will never
interfere with the patient to continue to work to improve coping behavior. It can
also be practiced in role-playing problem situation. This therapy has been used
in the treatment of phobias exams and helping people in coping with their own
indecision.
6. Anxiety Control Training
This therapy is described by R. Sweeney and F. Richardson, it has similarities
with other methods in the sense that it uses the mental representation of events
that cause anxiety. The doctor teaches the patient to recognize the symptoms of
anxiety and use as a signal for the use of coping strategies such as muscle
relaxation or mental patterns, focused on success. This model is considered to be
important to use a wide variety of imaginary situations, in order to better prepare
the patient to a variety of real-life problems. It is commonly used with
individuals who can not operate successfully in certain situations due to
excessive anxiety.
7. Treatment Methods of Solving Problems
This kind of therapy is based on the fact that the resolution of the problems of
life requires a set of cognitive skills such as the ability to select appropriate
solutions means to obtain the expected results, to find alternative solutions and
anticipate the results of these decisions correctly. In the absence of these abilities
can arise behavioral and emotional problems. Under option behavioral therapy
method for solving the problems developed Dzurilla T. and M. Goldfridom,
patients are trained to clarify their problems, find possible solutions and best use
of them. Patients register their own process mapping tools solutions and the
expected results and the ability to evaluate their own behavior. This therapy has
been used in the treatment of children with behavioral problems and adults with
deficiency problem-solving skills.
M. Mahoney postulates that people are better able to adapt to life, if they are
regularly used sequence of procedures for finding a solution like this, it makes a
scientist or engineer. These procedures are:
a) specification of problems,
b) collection of information,
c) identification of the cause or the situational patterns,
d) analysis of options,
e) the restriction of the number of these options and their probing the,
f) a comparison,
g) the extension and revision of the options based on the results obtained.
8. Resume
The importance of mental processes as the possible causes of emotional and
behavioral problems have long been recognized in all psychotherapy.
approaches. However, the relationship between thinking, emotion and behavior
is often attributed to abstract theories, making it difficult to understand their
patients and empirical researchers estimate. In response to this bias in favor of
the invisible and mysterious processes of behavioral therapy was limited only
visible the external events. It was only later cognitive-behavioral therapy
focused on thoughts as human behavior.
However, cognitive-behavioral therapy is not a return to the traditional insight
therapy. In contrast to earlier approaches, cognitive behavioral therapy
systematically explores the inner material, categorizing mental processes and
linking them to external events in the careful observation of thoughts, feelings
and behavior in the course of time.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy is aimed at training - through training - specific
skills of direct relevance to the existing problem. In CBT the emphasis on the
acquisition of skills and the patient's own responsibility for the results of the
application of these skills can help improve the patient's self-control and ability
to cope with difficulties. If in the end will be confirmed the effectiveness of
cognitive-behavioral therapy as a treatment method, it will mean the successful
application of the scientific method to the analysis and correction of our invisible
thought processes.
Part III – Cognitive Therapy of Aaron Beck
The term cognitive-behavioral therapy in modern psychiatry implies a whole
range of methods. Each of them is based on the scientific belief that all possible
violations in the psyche of any individual is the result of dysfunction of any view
of the world and, consequently, violations of behavioral reactions.
First founder of this method, and the one who created the expected pattern of
cognitive thinking, was Aaron Beck. It was he who in his work stressed the fact
that the basis of psychological disorders and personality disorders may lie
constant negative thinking. In his view, the perception of reality and its
interpretation comes about in the next few stages: external stimuli affect the
cognitive system which processes them in a certain way, creating a message, the
result of which has already become a certain emotion, action, or a combination
thereof.
On this basis, the scientist also suggested that people's thoughts cause a number
of their emotions, the same. In turn, dictate the specific sequence of behavioral
reactions, which subsequently have a place in society. Position Aaron Beck
expressed as: "Not the world inherently bad, and people see it as such." If there
is a dissonance between the inner world and interpretation of actual events
taking place, and may develop a mental disorder. The basis of his works Beck
put personal experience of observation and treatment of patients with neurotic
depression.
During his research, he was able to identify three categories of thought,
following which the individual is most often comes to the development of
depressive disorders:
a) Always predominant negative look at what is happening around. In
other words, such individuals often have focused only on the negative
aspects of any event or condition. While that life can provide them with
exactly the same experience that brings pleasure to others but they are
able to find in it only something bad and overwhelming.
b) Constant immersion in despair. The individual, thinking about your
future, do not see it in perspective and any purpose. Such a condition
stems from the previous one, but it deals specifically with the objective
perception of the individual of their future, rather than taking place at
the moment the event.
c) The same "negative attention" but aimed at its own "I". This condition is
often called low self-esteem. Such individuals see themselves as weak,
helpless, not independent, are not capable of anything.
He developed a system of cognitive therapy was based on this experience. It
became a kind designed a method that is not only able to identify and highlight
specific problems in the psyche, generating negative thinking, but also allows
them to be transformed into the desired direction. Thus, cognitive therapy Beck
still occupies a leading position among all the family and safe techniques in
psychiatry.
Most often it requires no more than 30 sessions, which in time may not be too
lengthy. In many ways, everything depends on the therapist. For example Aaron
Beck himself suggested that physician-psychologist must appearance and
judgments of the image to represent the standard to which the patient will seek.
1. The Methods of Cognitive Therapy
Today, developed and widely used many of the techniques of cognitive therapy.
Of course, the most important of these are techniques aimed at combating the
tendency to negative thinking, based on the change in the position of looking at
things, rethinking of previous experience, a traumatic event from the past,
childhood. It is also often used techniques based on imagination and selfsuggestion by the patient. As a rule, the main objective is always forgetting the
past and present negative experiences, and adherence to new beginnings.
Psychotherapy, based on such positions is aimed at suppressing the patient's
desire for constant negative thinking, whether it is conscious or unconscious.
This technique is most acute in the case when it comes to depressed patients.
Such people, for example, at the recollection of past events can say that have
forgotten how to be happy. When the therapist practicing cognitive therapy, it
does not accept such statements without any comments.
From the point of view of the methodology, the expert encourages the reflection
of the patient and his appeal to the past, but is trying to suppress thinking in a
negative way. For example, in this situation, the patient can be asked about how
to remember the situation when he felt happy and he gets overcome depression.
In this direction, the main step is individual psychotherapy treatment to your
inner "I", an objective assessment of their own judgment and discernment of the
thoughts that are the cause of negative emotions.
2. Cognitive Therapy Technique
Such an approach in the treatment of compulsorily requires the formation of a
cognitive mental status. This in turn is achieved by regular structured approach
to learning, the creation of internal systems, training in the aspect of appropriate
behavior.
The ultimate goal of the approach is to simplify the individual achievements of
the following qualities:
a) The calculation of personal "negative" thoughts and reasoning.
b) Finding a permanent relationship between the type of your thinking,
generated knowledge and experience and, of course, moving action.
c) Finding all the facts "for" and "against" certain pop-conscious settings.
d) Finding the most reasonable and appropriate explanation for the fact of
their appearance.
e) Separate calculation of thoughts and beliefs that cause disruption of the
inner self, as well as their transformation and "destruction".
As is clear, this approach allows time thinking in any situation to discover the
way of thinking, which distorts and suppresses individual skills. Also, cognitive
psychotherapy thinking can identify in a timely manner to allow suppressing
thoughts, fear, or even prevent panic attack. Most often, an exercise in which the
patient is able to achieve certain knowledge and skills include relaxation, ability
to ignore and suppress the flow of thought.
Part IV – Cognitive-Behavioral EXERCISES
1. Anxiety
Therapy
Treatment:
Cognitive-Behavioral
This article discusses the main methods of treatment of anxiety. If you are prone
to panic attacks or obsessive thoughts haunt you and unrelenting anxiety, this
may indicate the presence of anxiety disorder. There is no need to live in fear
and anxiety. In overcoming these problems can help the treatment, first of all
therapy. Especially effective are its views as cognitive-behavioral therapy
(cognitive behavioral therapy) and exposure therapy (exposure therapy). They
will teach you to control the state of anxiety, restless thoughts and overcome
fears.
Therapy will help to identify the underlying causes of your anxiety and fears,
learn to relax, to see the situation in a new, less intimidating light, to develop
problem-solving skills. Therapy gives you the tools to overcome anxiety and
learn to use them.
Anxiety disorders are a few varieties. Therefore, to show you some kind of
therapy. With obsessive-compulsive disorder (obsessional neurosis) treatment
will be different than the panic attacks. The duration of treatment also depends
on the type and severity of anxiety disorder. However, most types of therapy are
not long-term. According to the American Psychological Association, many
patients feel a significant improvement after 8 - 10 therapy sessions.
In the treatment of anxiety, there are different types of treatment, but the leading
role is given to cognitive behavioral and exposure therapy. Each type of
treatment can be used alone or in combination with other views. anxiety
treatment may be individually or in a group of people with similar problems.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is the most widely used in the treatment of
anxiety. Studies confirm its effectiveness in panic disorder, phobias, social
anxiety and generalized anxiety syndrome, among other states.
Cognitive therapy is studying the effect of negative thoughts, or
cognitions, the state of anxiety.
Behavioral therapy examines your behavior and reactions in
situations where you experience anxiety.
The basic principle of cognitive-behavioral therapy is that no external
circumstances and our thoughts determine what we feel at one time or another.
In other words, the situation determines your feelings, and your understanding of
this situation. For example, you are invited to the big gala event. You can come
to different thoughts about this invitation, which will generate the corresponding
emotion.
Situation: A friend invites you to a special event.
Thought # 1:
Festive event - it's fun. I love to go to parties and meet new people!
Emotions: You are happy and animated.
Thought # 2:
Parties - it's not my style. I would have rather stayed at home and watched a
movie.
Emotions: Neutral
Thought # 3:
I never know what to say or do in front of other people. If you go and find
myself in an awkward situation.
Emotions: Anxiety and sadness
As you can see, the same event triggers different emotions in different people. It
all depends on the individual expectations, attitudes and beliefs. Negative
thinking people with anxiety disorders cause negative emotions of anxiety and
fear. The goal of cognitive behavioral therapy - to identify and correct negative
thoughts and beliefs. The idea is that a change of thinking, you change the
feeling.
Casts doubt on the validity of the previous thoughts in
cognitive-behavioral therapy
Cognitive restructuring - it is the replacement of negative clichés of thinking that
are of concern, the positive, realistic thoughts. It includes three stages:
1. Identification of negative thoughts. When anxiety disorder situation is
more dangerous than it actually is. Take a person with a fear of
germs, for example. For him to shake someone's hand - like death.
Identify your fears is not so easy, even if you understand their
irrationality. One method - ask yourself what you were thinking when
we felt a sense of uneasiness.
2. Tucked questioning negative thoughts. In the second step should be to
assess the thoughts that caused concern. You must analyze your
negative beliefs, consider whether there is evidence of the truth of
your fearful thoughts. Think are the chances that what you are afraid
of, in fact, happen.
3. Replace negative thoughts realistic. Defining irrational assumptions
and negative disturbances in your thoughts, you can replace them
with true and positive. Make a realistic, calm statements that you will
pronounce himself in the face, or in anticipation of a situation which
usually causes anxiety in you.
Here's an example of how the process works replacing mental stamps in
cognitive behavioral therapy:
Maria does not use the subway for fear of losing consciousness. Then, in her
opinion, everyone will consider it abnormal. The psychologist asked her to write
down your negative thoughts to determine erroneous or cognitive disorders and a
more rational interpretation. The results are shown below.
Negative thought # 1: What if I lose my mind in the subway?
Cognitive Disorder: Waiting for the worst
A more realistic idea: I've never fainted before. It is unlikely that this will
happen to me on the subway.
The negative idea # 2: If I lose my mind, this is terrible!
Cognitive Disorder: exaggeration, dramatization of events.
A more realistic idea: Even if I lose my mind, I'll be a few seconds. It's not so
terrible.
Negative thought # 3: People find me abnormal.
Cognitive Disorder: to jump to conclusions that are not based on facts.
A more realistic idea: Most likely, people will worry if I'm okay.
Not so easy to replace negative thoughts more realistic. Negative thoughts often
are long since formed stamps consciousness. It takes practice and time to break
the habit. Therefore, in cognitive-behavioral therapy includes mandatory
homework.
The systematic reduction of sensitivity to disturbing
situations / objects
Exposure therapy is not shown to start with the big fears. This could injure the
patient. Usually they start with a simple situation with a gradual increase levels
of anxiety. Such a step by step approach is called systematic reduction in
sensitivity to frightening situations / objects. This gradual desensitization allows
step by step to improve self-confidence, acquire skills panic control.
Systemic desensitization includes three parts:
Learning relaxation skills. Initially, the psychologist will teach you
relaxation techniques, such as progressive muscle relaxation or deep
breathing. When you learn how to counteract your fears, you will use
this technique to reduce the physical reactions to anxiety, such as
tremor or hyperventilation.
Creating step list. Record 10 - 20 disturbing circumstances in order of
their rise. For example, if you are afraid of flying, begin by viewing
photos of flying planes, and at the end try the real flight. Every step
you take must be clear and precise, and have a specific purpose.
Work on tasks. The psychologist will help you go through all the
steps established list. The aim is to be in a frightening situation for as
long as your fears do not subside. Gradually you will come to
understand that things are not as bad as you imagined in the mind.
Each time with the appearance of disturbing sensations, switch to
relaxation techniques. Relax, you can once again return to the
situation. Your step by step efforts will certainly bring the final
positive result.
Anxiety Treatment: Overcoming Fear of Flying
Step 1: Look at photos of planes
Step 2: Check out the video of the aircraft in flight
Step 3: Look at the rise of the aircraft
Step 4: Buy a plane ticket
Step 5: Pack items
Step 6: Go to the airport
Step 7: Sign up for your flight.
Step 8: Wait for landing
Step 9: You go in the plane
Step 10: Fly
Additional treatments for anxiety
You can also try additional methods of treatment of anxiety, which are aimed at
reducing the general level of stress and achieving peace of mind.
Physical exercise - it is a wonderful natural counterbalance to stress
and unrest. Studies show that exercise three to five times a week
lasting just 30 minutes will allow you to greatly improve your
emotional state. The maximum effect is achieved with a daily hour of
aerobic exercise.
Relaxation techniques. Remarkable results are achieved with regular
use of relaxation techniques such as meditation, progressive muscle
relaxation, controlled breathing and visualization.
Biofeedback. The use of sensors allows to control the physiological
functions of the heart, breathing and muscle tension. Biofeedback
shows your body's reaction to anxiety and gives you the ability to
control them using relaxation techniques.
Hypnosis. For the treatment of anxiety is sometimes used hypnosis.
While you are in a state of deep relaxation, the hypnotherapist uses
various therapeutic techniques to show you, what are your fears and
teach you how to look at them differently.
If you find that have not used all my feelings or not realized some part of your
body, repeat the exercise, focusing on the fact that you missed.
Every time you start to feel anxiety, perform this exercise stay in the present.
2. Exercises to Overcome Fear
If you are involved in an emergency, if you are in trouble and you have
overcome fear, you can help a few tips to get rid of painful thoughts, thoughts
and various fears associated with the situation.
Fear, as you know, is inherent in all animals, without exception, and people who
in one way or another are exposed to various stresses, dangerous or emergency.
But the fear and become your assistant in such situations, since triggered selfpreservation instinct. But how not to succumb to the animal instinct to panic and
learn how to control yourself and your own? What should be done and what your
actions in the first moments of contact with the fear?
It is best to start with, do not succumb to it. And most importantly - do not give
in to the strongest, "deferred to fear." In the first minutes, the fear is usually not
so strong: he does not have time to learn quickly and completely human, it helps
you resist the inertia of the previous state. But then, often after the disappearance
of a specific threat, we have to seriously. But you can cope with that fear.
To do this, we must first learn how to switch easily, not "stuck" on the already
over-past situations not "chew" them for too long, repeatedly returning to the
same events. In addition, just ... do not be afraid. Especially do not be afraid, the
probability of which is not so great. By the way, very often people, in contrast,
can not be afraid of something to be feared.
One of the rules that normally helps to cope with fear - the ability to properly
assess the reality and extent of the threat, as well as the opportunity to receive
assistance. Never cover the eyes of fear - on the contrary, they try a little wider
open and look around.
However, if you do not have coped with them, succumbed to fear and were
temporarily "blinded", then try to quickly deal with it. It is useful to know at
least the most simple psychological techniques.
For example, there is a most simple psychological trick: to feel fear: start slowly
and breathe deeply: a deep breath - slow breath. Once again, even once more.
And so at least ten times. Even if her purse snatched, and is far from the offender
fled, it will help you quickly recover and raise the alarm. If the threat created is a
different character (for example, it is not about to pull out her purse criminal,
and requiring a ransom for your child terrorists), and developments are not so
much fast, then this kind of "oxygen sedation" will have even greater meaning.
This way you can effectively use the time available to fully adapt to the situation
which has arisen to include in the work were stunned consciousness. And there,
staring, awakened mind already he will come up with something useful.
Another very good reception is designed for more complex situation. Let's say
that you were under the rubble in an explosion. Around the debris of concrete,
and between them - a small niche, and in it - you. The situation is complicated,
first of all - its uncertainty and instability. Succumb to panic, start to "twitch" in
different directions - you start moving around the concrete slab, and the current
relatively tolerant position has become unthinkable. Hence, it is necessary first
of all to reassure themselves - so as not to make unnecessary involuntary
movements.
For this very useful sometimes just to talk to himself, and calling several times
by name. Talking with a useful in that it translates into an external plan interior
often confusing experience - he had them as it unravels, builds into a coherent
chain of cause-and-effect relationships, explains himself what happened, and in
what position you were. Such a measured conversation with himself soothes,
normalizes heart rate and other autonomic manifestations. Calling himself by
name, you are referring to the childhood memory - it was in my childhood, we
maximize protected, are safe, and that as a child they call us by name.
There is another useful technique. Think of a Woman Julia Description E. Izard:
she was angry at the offender to snatch her handbag, and all the fear went
somewhere.
Angered harder at something or someone: the situation for themselves and the
other person. Anger replace fear, you will want to act immediately, and then you
will no longer be afraid.
Fear can displace fear. Here is an example of a somewhat different scope,
indicating the possibility of such effective displacement.
Example: A former military intelligence officer, was distinguished by his
colleagues believe that "absolute fearlessness", told us that after the first stay
among the enemy (in the role of one of them), he was afraid that one day may be
exposed. "Once, when I was preparing for the next to throw the enemy territory,
a feeling of uneasiness was particularly strong. Then I began to deliberately
enhance it, assuring himself that I ever will definitely exposed and die. Napa
feelings of fear, it was so strong that I kind of experienced in the thoughts and
feelings of his own death. After that, I have no fear. Twice, when I was on the
verge of failure, my equanimity embarrassed by my opponents and gave me time
to get away from danger. "
There are ways to Zen (Ch'an) training, leading, in particular, to the elimination
of anxiety and self-control through the experience in the thoughts and feelings of
his own death.
Techniques of this kind are quite complex and a great pleasure, but they are often
quite effective.
Several ways how to overcome fear
1. The very first thing you must learn to do is to openly express their
fear.
2. The next step in the fight against terror - is ... learn to be angry right.
More precisely, to express anger and aggression. Here he writes about
anger and aggression Everett Shostrom in his book "Anti-Carnegie or
human manipulator." "Hatred - is frozen hostility. Hate - means to
communicate their energy. In order not to destroy itself by hatred, it is
necessary to pay in anger promotes contact ... ... Anger. Do you want
to fight. The body tells it - frequent pulse and respiration, muscle tone
increases. And the worst thing that you can do - is to suppress their
physiological needs, to drive into the emotion. "
Now that the two most important areas (learn to show fear and learn to show
anger) work with fear scheduled, you can talk about how to work with fear.
Exercises to overcome fear
1. Start with the acting technique: take facial expressions, posture is
very frightened man - hide his shoulders, squeeze, bend your knees
and try to feel or to restore the feelings experienced in a situation
where fear. If the fear of aggression, remember this case, imagine
yourself there again. Add a sense of fear. Yet! The more clearly you
will feel fear, so much the better.
Now, straighten your shoulders and take the pose of a happy man, smiling
from ear to ear, laugh. You have to really feel the joy.
Now become the aggressor - act out hatred, growl, hate. Now fear again,
fuller, more clearly feel the fear. Now the aggression again, this covering
all the senses. Flows of emotion in the emotion. First, the transition will be
slow. Then almost instantaneous.
2. Play with a partner, let him show you fear, and you show aggression.
Then switch roles. If you do martial arts, try to play it in the ring.
3. Beat the other many and terrible as to be broken. Go to the boxing
section. In shooting, this fear worked out shooting the photos that
personally disgusts me, but shooting requires the destruction of the
enemy, and it usually is needed in situations where there are several
other rules.
3. Exercises to Relieve Stress
All methods, sparing people from the effects of psychological stress, based on a
single mechanism - the achievement of a particular psycho-physiological state,
aimed at psychological relief (stress relief) and to switch brain dominant. To this
end, we developed a variety of exercises, which are based is of psychoanalysis
that helps achieve the state of harmonizing.
In today's dynamic life, stress is our constant companion. Life in a non-stop,
filled with countless responsibilities and challenges that inevitably leads to
tension and stress. Sometimes stress is a positive role - motivates us and helps us
in the process of learning and acquiring new skills. However, most of all stress
has a negative role on us - creates a constant feeling of anxiety and panic,
provokes chronic fatigue syndrome, a negative impact on physical and mental
health.
The search for effective methods for relaxation and exercise is crucial for a
stable and happy life. Feel that stress disturbs the harmony of balance in your
life? Then try to follow the recommendations below to relieve tension and stress.
With the help of the psychological impact on your body, you can restore
emotional instability. To do this systematically perform relaxation exercises,
preferably in the morning. Exercises allow after only a few days to feel the
changes in the body: the acquisition of self-confidence, a burst of energy,
increasing vitality and mood.
Exercise №1- "problem" - to relieve the emotional psychological state should
find a problem that affected his appearance. After removing or dulling of the
stimulus necessary to perform, the actions that help achieve inner peace: to be a
comfortable position, relax, and imagine my side problem. An effective way in
this situation is to compare the painful problem with global catastrophes
worldwide, which will allow it to minimize;
Exercise №2- "inner light" - you need 5 minutes to relieve stress in this way.
For this exercise, use the visualization technique, aimed at representation of a
light beam that appears at the top of your head and slowly moving downward,
illuminating the face, hands, shoulders, nice warm glow. Represent should not
only light, but also its beneficial effects: the disappearance of wrinkles, the
extinction voltage, charging the internal power;
Exercise №3- "mood" - helps to cope with stress after a quarrel over the 15
minutes. To perform the necessary pencils or markers by which you must present
his state on paper, choosing appropriate colors and images. After drawing can
express emotion words by writing them on the reverse side of the sheet. After
graduating express their mood, "masterpiece" should break up, getting rid of
negative emotions.
Win stress is not easy, especially alone. However, there is an opportunity to
restore their emotional instability and strengthen the psychological state with the
help of specially designed exercises and techniques aimed at combating and
prevention against negative emotions.
7 simple exercises to relieve stress and nervous
tension.
Gymnastics against stress.
1. Stretch the shoulders. Stand up straight and place your hands on his
shoulders. At that moment, when you breathe in, lift the elbows hands
as high as possible, and tilt your head back. On the exhale, return to
starting position. Repeat this exercise several times to relieve tension
in the neck, shoulders and back.
2. Reach for the stars. Stand with your feet shoulder width apart. During
inhalation, stretch your arms up and stretch as if you are trying to
reach the stars. On the exhale, let go and shake hands, take a starting
position. Repeat 5 times. For greater effect on the exercise, try to
breathe deeply and spread wide his fingers in that moment, when you
drag to the top.
3. Foot Girth. Sit up straight in a chair without wheels. Push the legs to
him so that his toes were on the edge of his chair, and his chin was
between his knees. Clasp your hands and feet very much to push
yourself. In this position, you need to spend about ten seconds, and
then abruptly loosen his grip. Repeat this exercise 5 times. This
exercise will relax the muscles of the back and shoulders. Exercise is
recommended to do in the morning after a heavy night out or a long
sleep, if you feel the weakness in the muscles.
4. Child Pose. Sit on your heels and bare knees outward. During a deep
breath and put your hands up a little stretch. Then exhale already put
his hands to his knees, and then on the floor in front of you as far as
possible and hold in this position 30 seconds Try to breathe in this
position deeply and evenly. Return to starting position, repeat this
exercise 5 times.
Breathing exercises to relieve stress
5. The slow inhale and exhale. To breathe in slow start, assuming that to
4, then when you count to four, hold your breath for 5-6 seconds and
exhale slowly. Repeat this exercise 5 times - 6. Just this exercise you
can do before going to bed in order to then make it easier to fall
asleep.
6. "Breath" belly. The first thing to do - is to sit in a comfortable
position for you. Straighten your back and lift the chin slightly up.
Make a slow full breath through the nose so that the first air-filled
stomach and then the chest. Briefly hold your breath. Next is to first
exhale relax and lower your chest, and then gently draw the stomach.
Perform 10-15 cycles, while being careful to do as far as possible
breath.
7. Inhale and exhale through different nostrils. Adopt a relaxed posture
for you and close your eyes. This exercise is very simple. Plug the
thumb left nostril and inhale through the right, hold your breath and
exhale through the left plugged with the right nostril. Then keep your
right nostril closed and inhale through the left nostril. Inhale through
the left nostril, exhale through the right nostril make closing with the
left nostril. Repeat this exercise several times. It is not recommended
to do this exercise before bedtime.
4. Exercises Based on Techniques of Psych
Synthesis, Assagioli developed..
.1. Exercise "self-correcting behavior by self-analysis" (on D. Reyuorter)
Focus on your body.
- Check all your physical sensations experienced. Note, for example, that you
feel when you touch the chair you are sitting, your feet rest on the floor, in what
position are your hands.
- Identify areas in which you are experiencing stress or discomfort, but do not do
anything to relieve these feelings.
- Observe your breathing.
When you feel that it is enough to focus on the body, go to the next step.
Following the procedure of psych synthesis to do this to impress me: "I have a
body, but I - it's not the body."
Now focus on your feelings. Your goal - to remain an outside observer himself,
therefore, aware of their feelings, you should stand idly by them, not to sink into
their experience.
- Ask yourself, which of these feelings you experience in life more often. What
are the positive and negative aspects of these feelings? When you're ready to
move on, you tell yourself: "I have a feeling, but I - it's not the feelings."
Turn attention to their desires.
- List the main aspirations that drive you in life, treating them as neutral as
before to the senses. Instead of thinking about the importance to you of each of
them, just look at them one by one, and when you are ready, on the "five say to
yourself:" I have the desire, but I - it does not desire. "
Now it's time to go to the thoughts.
- Observe how one thought comes to mind, and then gives way to another. Do
not worry about the fact that you are doing something wrong. Even if you think
that you have no thoughts, then it is thought - and watch her. In conclusion,
exercise tell yourself: "I have thoughts, but I - this is not thought" (on D.
Reyuoter).
.2. Exercise "Who – I?" (By T. Youmens).
Select a place where no one will disturb you. Take a sheet of paper, put the date
at the top and write: "Who am I?". Below, write down your answer to this
question: the answer should be more open and honest as possible. Then, making
periodic breaks, continue to mentally ask yourself this question and record the
answers.
Sit down and relax. Close your eyes. Try not to think about anything. Again, ask
yourself the question: "Who am I?" and try to grasp the answer in the form of a
mental image. Do not think or talk about it, let the image to appear in the mind.
Then open your eyes and how to detail describe the image; also indicate what
feelings you have in connection with any and what it matters to you.
Stand so that you had some space to move. Close your eyes and ask yourself
again: "Who am I?" This time, look for the answer in the movement of his body.
Trust his wisdom, and let the movement itself developed as long as you do not
feel that it was completed.
4. Exercise Emergency Psychological Self-Help
("The mental dialogue with the mirror").
Retire 10-15 minutes.
- Adopt a comfortable position, close your eyes and try to visualize yourself
from the side - like his own reflection in the mirror. (It is important to notice
how experienced you are currently unpleasant emotions are reflected in your
mind's representation of itself - the image of "I" - on facial expressions and other
features of appearance).
- Bring attention to bodily sensations and find among them those manifestations
of physical discomfort that are associated with experiencing emotional
discomfort.
- Mentally, referring to an imaginary reflection in the mirror as an interlocutor about the same as the children interact with their toys - say to myself, those
unsaid words in real life that you actually want to hear in your address. This may
be a recognition of your rightness, praise in your address, or the compliments of
comfort - in short, all that tells you the intuition - that should your sincere belief
calm you, to cheer, to stop the obsessive regret and self-blame and recover your
dignity; invest in them so much feeling, so much emotional pressure as if you
wanted to bring your words to a real interlocutor; mental image of "I" - your
imaginary interlocutor - will serve as a sensitive indicator of its "response" will
show whether your words have reached the goal.
- Once again, turn your attention to bodily sensations associated with emotions.
(If the eye respond to your mental dialogue, the physiological manifestations of
negative emotions will also begin to subside).
Repeat these steps several times, as long as there will not disappear all
manifestations of emotional bodily discomfort.
5. Exercise
for
"Recharging
Cyanogenic
Dominant" (therapeutic and supportive exercise
applied after the "coding").
- Relax, sitting on a chair in a quiet secluded place with your eyes closed.
- Figuratively imagine therapist created "dominant health, recovery" - psychoenergetic source generates healing bioelectrical (preferably with the help of a
doctor that "dominant" to portray, draw).
- To make a point self-massage on the forehead, said psychotherapist. Imagine if
this process of development of biotite, directed to "the dominant healing" for it’s
charging, improve psycho-energetic potential.
- Accompany psycho-energetic self-massage targeted formulas beliefs
(pronounce them better in a whisper). For example, after "coding" for
alcoholism, it is recommended to say:
"I - man, divine creation of nature, and not a slave to the bottle - weapons of
Satan.
I - a real man, not a limp creature.
Let punish me destiny, if I commit sin, break an oath (signature ...).
I am proud of the manifested will be coded and support (if necessary) of its
healing, about alcohol effects.
Once again, I deserve respect and love…
I (name) - well, I manage myself."
My motto is:
"I - a reasonable person, not an enemy to your health and happiness"
"No I will not go astray sobriety" or
"I feel their superiority over those who continue to drink"
"I was a spiritual awakening."
Read the exercise repeatedly, until it creates a smile and a confident sense of
confidence. Be healthy!
Conclusion
Several studies have examined the effectiveness of cognitive therapy, depending
on the type of coping strategies and styles and customer protection. Externalities
depressive patients showed better results in cognitive therapy; internality
patients more supportive therapy shows where an active role in the healing of the
patient plays. Over the sensitive to the cognitive impact and were less protected
patients. The authors conclude that, firstly, it is necessary to take into account the
psychological type of the customer's identity when choosing the type of
treatment and, secondly, that cognitive therapy is indicated for the externalities
and defenseless (low-resistance potential) customers.
Colleagues believe that in the next 5 years will see an incredible increase in the
proportion of cognitive therapy in the overall structure of psychotherapeutic
care. For cognitive therapy, they see the growing popularity of its integrative
(eclectic) and empiricism (scientific nature). The strength of cognitive therapy is
that it does not fight "for the purity of rows" and ready to interpenetration with
other approaches.
Author
My name is Jack Oliver and me the goal is to make your life easier in the
perception. All you need is knowledge that will help you get out of a stressful
and depressing situation. I like to help people. I hope my work was not in vain.
P.S. You need to be patient, to go the way of healing with maximum efficiency.
I also want to recommend you a high-quality material by KENSUKE
NAKAMURA. It will immerse you into the world of meditation and you can
clear your mind for a while.
Just try it for yourself…
ZEN MEDITATION GUIDE
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My new book:
Social Confidence
Simple Strategies to Overcoming Social Anxiety, Maximize Your Social
Likeable and Boost Your Charisma
Jack Oliver
2016 Edition
Dear reader!
If you choose this book to enhance self-confidence, you are not alone. Millions of
people lack confidence and most of them are worried, not least because it is
difficult to increase the confidence of their own accord. The good news - low
confidence less problematic than it seems.
Copyright © 2016 by Kate Murray. All Rights Reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in retrieval systems, or
transmitted by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recorded or
otherwise without written permission from the author.
Printed Edition
ISBN-13:978-1537503356
ISBN-10:1537503359
I am grateful to my literary agent Julia Burke and Anthony Green, and for
assistance in presenting my ideas and the fact that this book took place; my
wonderful research assistant Kate Murray, Victor and Julia White’s for the
support they have given me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week; as well as my wife
Drew Oliver for having tolerated me while I worked on this project.
Content
Prelude
Part I – What is Confidence?
Part II – Confidence Charisma
The main quality of a charismatic personality
Part III – Gaining Confidence
1. Competence
2. Professionalism
3. Reliability
Part IV – Overcoming Negative Thoughts
7 Steps to Overcoming Negative Thoughts
Part V – Overcoming Fear & Anxiety
Type’s fears
How to get rid of fear and anxiety
Part VI – Social Confidence and Ability to Communicate with People
How to establish positive contact – Psychologist
Exercise "Learning mute projection"
Exercise "Break the barriers of communication"
Part VII – How to Use Low Social Confidence to Improve Social Competence
Path 1. Pessimistic realism
Path 2. Self
Path 3. Motivation
Part VIII – All You Need - a Little Will Power (and low confidence)
Part IX – Take Your Low Confidence
Part X – Final Thoughts
Epilogue
About the Author
View my other books
Prelude
Confidence – it’s assumed that you can, competence - being able to do, but how
are they related? Too many people ignore this problem and simply take it on
faith that the high confidence - in itself an advantage. Although this assumption
on anything not based, it gives rise to unthinking and often destructive pursuit of
high confidence. Of course, in almost all the Western world, particularly in the
United States, it is estimated that the greater the confidence, the better the. If not
for this belief, you would, perhaps, this book did not read. Yet there is no reason
to hesitate low confidence.
If you are concerned about your low self, this book will teach you how to deal
with it. The main thing that I want to convey, - we should strive not to high
confidence and a high competence, and I'll show you how it's done. Gain
confidence is easier if you are able to back up its real achievements (but then it is
better not too conceited).
Treat this book as an unbiased and critical, as far as he could. Do not take for
granted that you can easily pick up and build confidence, or that this is the
confidence should be your goal. And do not think that low self-confidence hurt
you succeed.
And if you like to think so, be prepared for surprises.
Part I – What is Confidence?
Confidence in yourself and your own abilities is one of the main skills that
allows you to be more successful and effective in the modern world. Confident
people are more likely to achieve success and the goals, both in social life and in
the professional environment. People who do not have this feature more likely to
experience dissatisfaction with life. They are unsure of themselves and because
of this, become dependent on the opinions of others and their evaluation. This
encourages them to find ways how to overcome self-doubt and develop the skills
of a successful, confident person. This quality is necessary for everybody,
regardless of gender and field of activity.
Unfortunately for most people, this skill is not inherent. This is due both to the
peculiarities of education and human environment.
Magazines and popular blogs are not far behind, obscene inflating the role of
confidence in achieving fame and success. Here are some tips you can find there:
"Whatever you doing, most importantly - love yourself for what it doing."
"If you believe in yourself, you will achieve any purpose. Without this faith, you
have no chance of success. "
"If you love yourself, life is beautiful."
"We all admire confident people. Confidence - the most important resource in
life, it will necessarily lead to success and happiness. "
"Anyone can learn to be confident, and then all our problems will be solved."
"Self-confident people are ten times more successful than those who do not have
enough confidence."
With statements of this kind are connected three serious problems.
1. In the first place, not easy to take and make confidence soared to the
skies. Whether it's that simple, no one would have suffered because of
their own insecurities. We would have quenched it with the same ease
with which satisfy hunger or thirst.
2. Secondly, even if we could artificially boost our confidence, no real
success is to no avail. Whatever claimed some biographers and selfproclaimed experts, Barack Obama, not because the first black
president in US history, he was sure of himself; Sir Richard Branson
founded the 400 companies not because of faith in their own strength;
Madonna has sold 300 million records not because they kept steadily
on the stage; and Michael Jordan, Muhammad Ali and Roger Federer
were the best in their sports, not because they themselves enjoy. These
highly successful people are confident because they are extremely
competent. It takes a lot of talent and even more - of hard work to
achieve this level of competence. Actually, the only thing that is
unusual in the confidence of the people - that it accurately reflects their
competence. This distinguishes them from the majority of overreliance, which in fact is not too competent.
3. The third problem, perhaps the most serious. Misunderstanding about
the fact that the high confidence can help us to achieve all that we
desire, incredible pressure on us, demanding self-confidence and selfassurance in the implementation of this success. As a consequence,
those who lack confidence, feel guilt and shame, and those who
believe, nourish false hopes that confidence will help them to achieve
their goals. Fee for high certainty is that people are willing to go to
almost all, in order to achieve self-esteem and maintain it, equating
good mood to success. As a result, we have a society that accepts the
importance of self-importance and self-aggrandizement - for greatness,
forcing more and more people are interested only in themselves.
Part II – Confidence Charisma
You have probably come across people who can generate interest for a long time
to engage the attention of others. In addition, it's not in their madcap antics and
stunning form - interviewees fascinated by the charisma of these individuals.
They had a special gift to excite the sympathy, confidence and desire to emulate.
What is this magical quality? How to develop charisma? These questions are not
idle; in fact, it is often the source of success.
Let's take a look at what is hidden under the term "charisma". This definition
implies a set of qualities that help a person to stand out among others, inspire
them to follow him.
But note: the person becomes significant not because of extravagant or even
bullying, testifying to the contempt or even hatred of others, but on the contrary,
is able to arouse people's trust and confidence in their own wisdom and even
exclusivity. Yes, I would like to have the charisma of each. Fortunately, this is
not an innate quality - it is acquired through self-improvement, which means that
anyone can find it.
So how to develop charisma?
The main quality of a charismatic personality
To have charisma, to be trained and to acquire certain character traits. And
perhaps the most important among them - it is confidence. The charismatic
personality has a hardness in the decision-making and willingness to take its
course. Such a person is able to fight for their beliefs, and it is always
encouraging others. Therefore, they are always ready to be there to "catch" a
force.
So, on the self-confidence and strength to follow this pledge myself to remember
in the first place, wondering how to develop charisma. The exercises also allow
to acquire these qualities, should be kept to maintain and develop a certain
character traits.
1. Appearance will find inner confidence
In order to believe in themselves and in their abilities, you need to find internal
support, which will help strengthen these thoughts, become familiar and develop
eventually into a character trait. And this will help you taking care of their
appearance. It has been observed that the most positive impression looking
person flawlessly. No, in deciding "how to develop charisma" Women and men
do not have to buy clothes "haute couture" and to attend the expensive beauty
salons (although it does not hurt!). But the basic steps in this direction unable to
perform any. Every day you have to spend time on their appearance and look a
little more elegant than is required, regardless of whether you go to work, to the
theater or to the nearest cafe. And forget about his shortcomings. Stop telling
yourself that if you had a different nose, stomach, legs (and the list goes on),
everything would be different. The actor Stallone childhood damaged facial
nerve, but his wry smile has long been a hallmark of self-confident person.
2. Get rid of complexes
For self-confident human perception by others ceases to be decisive. He does not
try to please everyone (remember, it is a priori impossible!). Charisma assumes
your calm and friendly attitude to those around. That is, you do not need to win
the sympathy - behave as if it has already happened. And to your surprise, you
are sure to find a similar response from others. Regardless of who is required to
answer the question "how to develop charisma" (man or woman), everyone
should stop thinking about their own shortcomings, and even more to look for
them yourself. Each of us is what it is, and it must be a respect. But critics will
always be, especially if you will succeed. Alas, such is life!
3. Do not be afraid to make mistakes!
There is not and never existed people who do not make mistakes. Remember this
and forgive themselves the wrong steps that you have already managed to do in
life. After all, if you remember them, then they teach you a lot. And it will agree,
very well. Now, having become wiser, you go your way and confidently move
on, wondering how to develop charisma, to improve quality of life. Mistakes
make you wiser and more experienced and charismatic man attractive is this
quality. After all, only the wisdom of allowing it to be tolerant of others'
missteps and indulgent to human weaknesses. But at the same time note: do not
turn into a nanny for the unfortunate people and try to help everyone, regardless
of whether you have asked about this. Let those around, to live their lives as they
see fit.
4. Learn how to safely look at what is happening with you
Agree, meditate, how to develop masculine charisma (or female), and at the
same time afraid of responsibility - is illogical. A charismatic person will blame
the incident only external circumstances. He was always aware of the fact that
everyone is the creator of his own happiness. And what happens in life - the
result was his choice, not the machinations of the evil uncles and aunts, who hurt
him at every step.
In order to come back all the time these thoughts every time you there is
something important, ask yourself: "What am I to do?" At first, you feel like
everything inside resists, nodding at the coincidence. But over time, it will pass and you will be able to honestly discuss with him the situation. And, mind you,
go away and excessive self-blame - you'll just quietly look for and find a way
out. In addition, now you how truly charismatic person will not be afraid to
make it safe and responsible behavior. But do not go to the other extreme: to be
responsible for their actions does not mean that you should be responsible for the
whole world. That is, if you do not go with high temperature to work, your office
will not collapse!
5. Develop your talents
Charismatic man always knows his strengths and weaknesses. Disadvantages it
is able to compensate for or to turn into advantages. A strong quality - to
emphasize and actively apply. Therefore, thinking about how to develop
charisma, it is important to find the talents and develop them. To this end, guided
only on themselves and their hobbies. Try it, do not be afraid that something will
come - sooner or later it turns out that everything goes as well as possible. Do
not go on about the "well-wishers". If you want to discover new stars, and you
are advised to warm place to trade - do not agree. After all, you yourself will feel
out of place and success will likely never reach.
A little more about charisma
In thinking about how to develop feminine charisma, or how to make a man of
charismatic personality, remember that it is your personality will be the starting
point along the way. Do not be afraid to be original, like myself and people value
their abilities and do not give in to difficulties - all this will make you a leader,
interesting to others and able to lead the.
Dare!
Part III – Gaining Confidence
Do people trust you? Are you able to make an impression on others? Many
noticed that trustworthy people around not so much. We build relationships with
friends, colleagues, acquaintances, excluding trust factor. However, it may be
useful quality necessary for communication. Ignore it is not necessary.
The basis of interaction and communication between people is just confidence. It
motivates us to do things, to make decisions. A trustworthy person is able to
influence others. Moreover, this effect will be made their peace, because they
trusted.
What is trust? Trust - a combination of three factors. In any case, many scholars
hold this view. Trust is formed from the experience, competence and reliability.
If your environment you see in all three components, which means that there is
trust. It turns out that the trust does not depend on you, and the target audience. It
is their perception of you as an individual assessment of your actions will have
the desired impact. And the abilities, skills, actions - all this fades into the
background, influences the formation of the trust only indirectly. The conquest
of the authority - it is a complex and time-consuming process, but its loss - a
matter of minutes. Any wrong move or a mistake can lead to a loss of credibility.
It is necessary to elaborate on each component, which helps to gain credibility.
So you can not only buy credibility, but also to keep it.
Competence
Competence - is one of the simplest ways to gain credibility and trust in the
work area. If you demonstrate its capabilities, reliability, provide examples of
their competence, it will make it easy to raise the level of trust in others. You
will immediately destroy all the obstacles as soon as the show professional
abilities, skills, declared itself competent person.
An example of how trust is formed on the basis of competence, is Akio Morita the founder of Sony. He suggested the idea of a company in the United States Sony Corporation of America. However, Tokyo divided leadership is not
enthusiastic about this idea. Bosses can’t go against the excellent reputation of
Akio Morita, however, we tried to find objective and compelling reasons not to
create a company in the United States. They looked at all the options, but the
reasons for the refusal was not found. Then the management decided to transfer
the responsibility for the decision to Akio Morita. They trusted him; saw his
expertise in the US market of reference.
Professionalism
Professionalism and competence are linked. If you want to win the confidence of
the person in a certain issue, then you need to prove to the exceptional
professional. From a technical point of view, you have to be an expert, and then
colleagues will trust you in all respects. Professionalism is based on experience,
conducted business, if your account has many successful projects, gain
credibility will be much easier. Therefore, you can convince others of the
correctness of its findings. If the conclusions are based on professionalism, on
specialized knowledge, then listen to it exactly. It is important to have a concrete
experience, rather than an opportunity to present yourself favorably. Even those
people who do not try to put yourself in a favorable light, can gain the trust of
his colleagues and even competitors.
You can give an example of the famous philosopher Adam Smith. His book "The
Wealth of Nations" has become one of the greatest in history. At the same time,
Smith was no interlocutor, to have conversations with him was boring. This tells
Samuel Johnson. "Even more fun to communicate with the dog," he said.
Smith was a nonprofessional not only on the part of the conversation. He looks
unpresentable, hypochondria, excessive passion for conversation and did not put
it in an attractive light. According to the memoirs of contemporaries, Adam
Smith once fell into the pit, when enthusiastically talked about the economic
situation at the plant in Glasgow. However, Smith's opinion, his position and
statements were backed up by reality and common at the time. Now they are not
losing popularity, are the basis of capitalism. Because that Adam Smith was able
to win the trust.
Show your professionalism in the precise issues to be confirmed, it is easy. It
should be easy to learn competent sources, reliable in terms of content. If the
discussion you will refer to the authoritative data, the professionalism, and with
it the confidence to rise. It is also important and personal experience. Pay
attention to what is considered a reliable source among your surroundings. These
references and should be used.
If in the eyes of the interlocutor sources are not credible, the confidence in this
way, you can’t get. Not everyone finds valuable information that are available to
you. Then you need to provide exactly the information that surrounds believe.
In introducing the report, the report and other documents necessary to pick up
materials, confirming your words. It will not only be a great way, how to build
trust, but also show your awareness and high level of training. The audience
can’t even look at all of these materials, but their presence will make it clear that
you are thoroughly prepared, studied the question, and can now begin to perform
work.
Reliability
According to Stephen Covey is the trust can completely change the situation. All
obstacles can be destroyed by the trust. And without it is almost impossible to
create something serious and significant. This is true, but here it is necessary to
make the necessary additions.
There are several categories of trust - complete trust, and a relative minimum.
Even if you have a minimum of trust, then it is good. It's certainly better than
nothing. The basis of trust allows you to gradually grow to achieve total
confidence on the part of others. This is your reliability should not be aimed only
at people's attitudes. You have to be reliable in all situations, then strap your
credibility will grow. Trust will, even those people who do not know you
personally. With each step, the confidence increases, people no longer recognize
you, and learn from the good side.
There are different ideas about trust. For example, the big boss can act from a
position of power. This idea has received the necessary approval and trust, if
subordinates are aware that it would be better for the company, not just for the
boss.
Aristotle's Wisdom says: "Just a ruler does not need anything, but working for
others." During work on the project should always concentrate on doing the
work, not on the details of the payment, the desire to show a professional before
the authorities, and so on. So the work will involve other people who see your
enthusiasm. They will support and share your ideas.
Building relationships with subordinates should not stick to the totalitarian
concept. The head must generate a sense that the right to vote has each
employee. It is essential that you trust, at the same time taking the proposed
ideas.
Trust - an important criterion not only for work but also for everyday life. The
authority can be won without changing their words. If you want your child to
stop smoking, you should not only convince him of the dangers of this habit, but
to throw himself. Often the confidence lost in the details. If you give advice
note, if you meet your own words. If your partner has noticed the hypocrisy, he
will cease to be taken seriously you. Trust is formed largely at the beginning. Its
level depends on the first impression. Internet auction site eBay to offer its users
a questionnaire where there were questions about the reputation and credibility
of the seller. The basis of the authority was first estimates, which put the
customers. Seller Success depended on the first count. If they are positive, then it
has grown rapidly. If negative, the seller waited failures and problems.
Motivational speech can be heard by many, but who believe more? If you repeat,
"Do not despair," that there is more confidence in those who also once stopped
despair and succeeded. Survivors of disasters, the participants of the war, the
victorious coaches. They speak frankly, because themselves were in situations
that describe. They speak in the first person, which means that people no longer
trust them. Therefore, such words have tremendous success with the public. This
is the secret trust.
Part IV – Overcoming Negative Thoughts
As it is easy to fall into negative thinking. Often we have negative thoughts that
you can play as a movie, and put yourself pain. This is what I have experienced
many times throughout my life.
Negative thoughts rob us of our energy and keep away because what is
happening in the present moment. The more you give negative thoughts, the
stronger they become. I like the image of a small ball that rolls along the ground,
it becomes more and more quickly.
This is an example of how one little negative thought can turn into a huge ball of
ugliness. On the contrary, a slight positive thinking can have the same effect, but
a blooming beautiful result.
I would like to share with you an example of how a small idea can turn into a
very bad experience. Over the past ten years, he lived alone. Obviously, at that
time, used to live in a certain way, I have my menu for cooking, cleaning days
and happiness from how I live.
When we give in to negative thoughts, it is difficult to stop them. And it is easier
said than done, to shift their attention to the positive thoughts. But, it is the only
way, especially if we do not want to follow the path, which is a painful and
unnecessary.
Here are 7 steps that I took to help myself overcome
the negative thoughts that you can try:
1. Stop thinking extremes
Our lives for the most part is not black and white, it does not completely this or
that, all or nothing. But negative thinking tends around is not very good to see
the worst. For example:
not "something that can’t happen, as we would like," and "would be a
complete failure!"
instead of "you need to wait until my business again earn" "everything will fall apart, and I will remain with nothing!"
not "I was a little worried when speaking in public," but "I'm going to
die right on the podium; they all hate me!"
Thinking "all or nothing" is missing all the subtle nuances of life. It forces us to
see the future in terms of dramatic calamities, accidents and catastrophes. Of
course, accidents happen sometimes, but despite the screaming headlines at
newsstands much of life consists of different shades of gray.
The first step in overcoming negative thinking - this is not "suddenly become
positive," and learn to see these different shades of gray. Let's say you are
concerned about your relationship. Instead of "I know it will be a catastrophe,"
or even "everything will be just fine" - why not think so: "It would probably be
good and not so good and bad - as in any relationship."
Write everything that you thought negatively. Use the most negative comments,
which come to you in the head. Now write three neutral, "median" scores. Let
them not as exciting or "horrific", but they will be more realistic in relation to
the probability of the event. brain more options Processing reduces emotional
tension and clarify your thoughts.
2. Stop summarize all the negative
Ask yourself: "When there is something wrong, is not it too I generalize Rather,
I believe that this is happening constantly, always and everywhere, than associate
it with a specific time and place?"
For example, if someone does not come on a date with you, whether you spread
your negativity beyond a particular place, time and person, saying to himself: "I
have never nothing happens!" If you do not pass the exam, you will say to
yourself: "Well, okay, it was not possible at this time, but I will make every
effort in the next time?" Or you overly generalize his failure to "I - stupid" or
"I've nothing I can learn?"
3. Do not minimize the positive
Negative thinking does not allow people to see the positive even when it actually
happens. It works like a filter, retaining all the positive and transmits only what
confirms the offset of consciousness towards the negative. Exaggeration of
failure and neglect of success leads to demotivation and suffering.
Get into the habit to treat failure as a temporary phenomenon and the individual,
specific, and not permanent and universal. All of us, as a rule, we find exactly
what we're looking for. If you find yourself negative thoughts about someone,
get a habit to balance this negative a positive thought about the same man? "He's
so insincere ... But remember - in fairness - he was very helpful with that project
... and it can be very funny ... "The positive is always there, you just have to see
it.
4. Stop to read minds
Negative thinking does not allow us to relax in situations of uncertainty. This can
lead to a "telepathy": "She did not answer, so she does not love me!" or "He said
it just to reassure me; in fact, he does not think so!"
The need to "assign" meaning anything to obtain real evidence makes you more
inclined to unconditionally believe your imagination. Termination of "inventing"
meaning in ambiguous situations - a key element in overcoming negative
thinking.
When you start to think more positively (or at least a neutral), then your thought
is, "I do not know why it is I have not said ..." You also get the opportunity to
consider all the possible causes, and not just the negative.
Some of these possible causes:
she forgot her phone;
her phone battery is dead;
she ran out of money in the account;
she lectures;
it in a plane;
it is mobile coverage.
Did you catch: none of the above does not related to you and says nothing about
its relation to you. And all these explanations are no less believable than any
other.
5. Stop taking full responsibility
If for any success I found that this is not my merit (even when it's pretty much
that way), and others, I would externalize positive. Or I could externalize the
good qualities of his friend, when he does something good, he told himself: "He
did this only to win their favor!" If you (or someone else) do something good just accept it.
"Negative," the thinkers usually do just the opposite. They internalize that is
blamed myself for everything negative, although it is very small, or connected
with them, or not at all has to do with them. Think, if you can really control and
influence what is causing your negative emotions.
6. Do not impose its own rules of life
"If he loved me, he would not do it"
"If I was a good mother, I would not come out of themselves"
"People should not do that"
"If I can not do that, then I'm really dumb!"
"He came late - so someone met!"
"These words suggest that he does not respect me!"
"My analyzes yet - hence, they are bad!"
Create strict rules of what should be a reality - a sure way to constantly feel
disappointed in myself and others. This does not mean that we should not expect
anything from myself or others, but it is better when our "rules" are flexible. If
you are feeling frustrated, you're waiting for something else. What exactly? Ask
yourself, "Would I have been waiting for something too improbable?"
7. Stop imagine and believe it
Imagination - a wonderful thing, but not when you use them to scare themselves.
Sometimes you need to be able to "hold your imagination" (quote from Ernest
Hemingway, no less). Think about the upcoming event and hypnotize myself,
vividly imagining the worst-case scenario - it would be like to paint a picture of
a hammer. Imagination - is a tool that should be used creatively. When you
imagine that everything is going well, the likelihood that it will be so, increases,
you will begin to feel much safer in the real world and a much better use of their
time.
If you are still obsessed with negative thoughts, at least to "dilute" them,
imagining and positive, not just negative. If you suddenly imagine that forget his
speech at the upcoming presentation - once "cross out" is and imagine that
everything is going well.
Stopping negative thinking takes time and effort, and in a certain sense, this is a
job that never ends. If you start to follow these tips, they will help you the rest of
your days - is not worth it for the sake of spending now have a little time?
Part V – Overcoming Fear & Anxiety
You know the feeling of fear? When the swarm creeps through your body or if
you dip into a vat of cold water. Horror, nightmare, anxiety - all this is only a
species of fear. But is there reason to fear? It so happens that on the background
of experienced stress, chronic emotional wounds, the person becomes vulnerable
to fears that there may be nowhere. But, despair and run to the pharmacy for
soothing it is not necessary. It is necessary to take a deep breath, exhale, and
tunes in to the fight with yourself, with all the fears and phobias. In the
meantime, you need to learn more about this unpleasant feeling, because the
enemy need to know in person.
Fear - a protective function of the body. People experience this feeling, to protect
itself from the danger - it is a signal of the flight. Fear turned to us again from
our ancestors, such as fear of snakes, spiders, even plants. Avoiding dangerous
situations, poisonous insects and predators helps all living things exist yet.
Instinct allows, besides the looming threat, to avoid potential hazards. For
example, the height, the depth of fear, darkness, help protect themselves in
advance of the safe.
Phobias are due to the previously experienced unpleasant situations. For
example, a person may be afraid of insects, because it was once bitten by a bee
or height from a bad fall. A panicky fear of performance, says that once had a
bad experience in school boards. It does not mean that every phobia responsible
for experienced trouble. It also happens that it spills over into adulthood for
reasons occurring in childhood, which is already forgotten in the subconscious.
But our brain is very clever and he sends human memories in inaccessible
places, which can be extracted with the help of a psychologist or even hypnosis.
So often hard to get rid of a phobia, but if you make an effort and give yourself
time, the results will not keep you waiting.
In addition to the instinct of survival and self-imposed fears can experience
anxiety in a big city. In metropolitan life is in a constant bustle, traffic, subway
crowds, rush hour and a lot more very negative impact on the human psyche. I
want to run and hide from the noise, close to ten doors and turn off all phones.
But there comes a new day and again the morning bustle, work, household
chores, calls. No wonder that people soon breaks down and turns into a
frightened creature. Of course, everything depends on the inner attitude and
methods of relaxation after a hard day. If the right to rest, work and think, what
all the fuss is transformed into pleasant cares.
Type’s fears
Fears share the following qualifications:
Social. They are massive and do not bring a real threat to the project. For
example, fear of public speaking, leadership, getting poor grades, to the
responsibility of communicating with strangers, meet new people, relocation,
possible failure or success;
Biological. Such fears are necessary for us to survive, and are nothing more than
a self-preservation instinct. These include: fear of lightning, storms, earthquakes,
predators, a volcanic eruption;
Existential. They are mainly biological roots and can not be a complete cure,
because there are deep in the unconscious person object not recognized and do
not have a particular content. For example, fear of the dark, space, old age,
death, the future is unknown;
Baby. Once a child feels his mother's mood and can show their emotions
(abdominal thrusts) in the womb. In infancy, the child is endowed with
biological fears, fear of bright light, noise, cold, so the reaction to them relevant
- crying. Further develop social anxiety, most of which are inherited. But
everything depends on the atmosphere in which the baby grows, what the
relationship between the parents on how to communicate in the family, number
of siblings, relatives and friends. And of course, everything depends on the
child's upbringing. All leaves its mark in people's lives.
The fears are dangerous?
Fears even sometimes useful, but in moderation. Firstly, they help to escape from
a dangerous situation, secondly enters into the blood adrenaline, which is
required to man.
Still, excessive and persistent fears of a detrimental effect on the quality of life
and human health. Because of constant anxiety, the person ceases to enjoy life,
to communicate with people going out into the community, to make serious
decisions, to achieve your goals. He soon turns into a pariah, with whom it is
impossible to communicate. In addition, amid fears may have a psychosomatic
condition, sleep disturbance. A person becomes a prisoner of his experiences,
also frightened people easy to manipulate. Just think, how many of the
opportunities you have given, following the lead of their worries. The main
enemy of success - it's fear.
Tired to be afraid of? Then it's time to get out of this quagmire and start a
program to get rid of fear.
How to get rid of fear and anxiety
1. See the fear in his eyes, to stop being afraid of it. What is the fear - it's
only reaction to any situation, chemical signals in the brain. Emotion
itself does not pose any risk. So, if you take a ride in the elevator, or talk
to new friends - you precisely nothing happens. Stop fear to trust, not all
actions to be performed, which sends the brain;
2. Think about upcoming prospects. We are not afraid of the future and a
sense of fear that arise during an emergency situation. Maybe it's time to
look for the good side? For example, if you are afraid of losing their job,
think about how many opportunities are open when searching for a new
activity. And if the plane gives you a wild horror, think not about the
flight, and how you will find yourself at the spa and spend a dream
vacation;
3. Be ready for anything. It makes no sense to convince himself that all will
be well and at the same time shaking with fear. If you have to take the
exam, anyway, there's no getting around it. Good or bad write - in any
case, it should take place, be prepared for any assessment;
4. Watch your fear. Look at it from the side, note the time when an alarm
occurs, make it interesting subject;
5. During panic attacks, begin to breathe deeply diaphragm. Take your
time, focus on the breath, and make sure inhalation and exhalation, step
back from everything else;
6. Relaxation. It combines breathing. If it is possible - lie down, imagine
how every cell in the body is saturated with oxygen and relaxes;
7. Remember how many times and when your fear is not carried out. For
example, you are constantly afraid of seriously ill, but each time the tests
show good results. See, is not that terrible, nothing terrible has
happened;
8. It refers to the fear as a thrill. Adrenaline can be obtained by jumping
with a parachute, or speaking in public. Imagine your fear - it is a kind of
acute sensations;
9. Take your own, do not resist him. Self-control is important, but not
always work like clockwork, so feel afraid and here and now, just realize
that anxiety will soon be on its own;
10. Do not get attached to things. The man is afraid to lose, then what I used
to, so do not need to be strongly dependent on what or even anyone. If
you love money, you are afraid to fail, if you live for the sake of their
children, hard to bear the separation, their relocation. Diversify your life,
do not dwell on just one. In the life of many miracles, but you do not
know it;
11. Meditate. Know yourself, feel your ego. As you become more and more
easy to understand to treat everything;
12. Stop imposing someone else's fears. Around are talking about illness,
death, natural disasters. But do not take things personally, yes, of course,
we all do not last forever, but whether or not to be afraid of the natural
process every minute. No. There are not many things that need to be
afraid, most importantly personal perception;
13. Do not avoid frightening situations you. Are you afraid to fly - fly, speak
- get ready for a solemn speech, out in the sun - sunbathing. Nothing gets
rid of fear, as the action itself;
14. Strengthens the nervous system involved in sports, find a hobby, drop
bad habits, get out of the house, walk in the fresh air, laugh often.
proceed;
15. Shift into more friends and acquaintances. Be open and share their
experiences with family, so it will be easier to cope with the accumulated
fatigue and anxiety.
Of course, you need to listen to fear, after all, is our intuition and natural
instincts. However, we must distinguish between justified and unjustified alarm.
Avoid dangerous situations, which actually threatens you, but do not close
overall world in his armor. Live and enjoy life, live in the present, do not waste
time on empty alarm and then you all will be on the shoulder.
Part VI – Social Confidence and Ability to
Communicate with People
"The most important component in the formula of success - is the ability to find
common language with people"
Theodore Roosevelt
We all know the role played by the ability to communicate with people in our
daily lives, how important it is to have the skills to communicate effectively in
different situations and in establishing contact with different categories of
people.
Any process of communication involves verbal and nonverbal component. In the
first case it is used for communication, and second help us communicate
gestures, facial expressions and other body signals. You thought about what the
most significant difference exists between man and other living creatures. This
ability to interact via voice communication.
With such wealth as speech, yet most people have difficulty in establishing a
quality contact with other people. Social Psychology and Personality Psychology
amassed a huge database of knowledge about the styles, the barriers of
communication mechanisms, which became the basis for the creation of
effective means of communication. Learning to communicate effectively with
people with effective exercise and psychological advice, which you will find
next.
How to establish positive contact – Psychologist
If you want to find a specific answer to the question of how to communicate
with people, read the following proposed psychological advice. They will help
you understand how the psychology proposes to establish positive contact, as
well as to understand what mistakes should not be allowed to talk to.
Overcome your subjectivity. Important for you to realize that each
individual has in the view of the world. It is influenced by personal
experience of life, which we receive from the outside world through the
senses. Each of us interprets all the events based on their own views and
beliefs. Consider this fact in a conversation; try to consider the subject
from different points of view.
Talk less, listen more. Statistical studies show that most people are much
more like to talk to the person who pays more attention to the other
party, not himself. By being in a conversation a genuine interest in the
thoughts and feelings of others, you get the location. You can be sure
that this person in the future will show reciprocal interest you.
Ask open-ended questions. Try to ask more questions, which assume no
simple one-word answer, and give the other party the opportunity to
express their opinion. For example, instead of asking, "Do you like the
movie?" Ask "What kind of movies do you like?". Open-ended questions
help to establish contact with a stranger, and in situations where, for
various reasons difficult to find a "common language".
Show that you can be trusted. One of the most effective rules of effective
communication is eye contact during a conversation. Looking into the
eyes of the other party, you give him to understand and feel your interest
and honesty. If you avoid direct eye contact or permanently lowers her
eyes, the man sees it as a signal of uncertainty or deception.
My favorite sound - the sound of his own name. An important element
of effective communication psychology calls the appeal to the other
party by name. The name is a strong energy boost, is an element of selfidentification. Turning to the man by name, you raise his self-esteem and
has to build better relationships. If appropriate, you can use the name in
the diminutive form. Much more pleasant to hear, "Helen, do you know
...?" Instead of the usual "dry" issue.
Expand your horizons. The comprehensive development of people with
a wide range of interests and deep knowledge in different areas able
easier to establish positive contact with people of different worldviews
and professional orientation. This is especially true of people who by
virtue of their activity are faced with many different people.
Relax and trust the other person. Many people are holding back the
constant self-control or the desire to impress in establishing a trusting
relationship. The well-known rule of "be yourself" has not been
canceled, so in the process of interaction with other people try to turn its
attention to the interlocutor and his thoughts.
Concentrate on the conversation. During a call, do not make the parallel
any more actions: do not write in a notebook, do not watch TV. Your
companion is sure to notice and think that he is indifferent to you and
will regard your behavior as an allusion to hang up.
Exercise "Learning mute projection"
Professional Psychology uses the term "projection", when a person tries to
ascribe to other people of quality inherent in himself. For example, you like the
attention of other people trying to make a good impression. At the same time,
you can assume that everyone is trying to do everything to "sketch" in front of
others.
All stereotypes that arise from the inability to consider the situation from a
different perspective and deep understanding of other people.
Suppress the projection can’t be completely, but they can be muted. Whenever
you feel that "impose" their point of view, or in his conclusions based only on
the own vision, try to do comprehensive analysis of another person. It will wash
you understand his motives and desires. Learn to analyze the personality as
follows:
Character:
individual character traits, their occurrence;
related to career, work and money;
Abilities:
Creative skills;
intellectual level;
technical skills;
Volitional qualities:
perseverance;
commitment;
a sense of inner freedom.
Interests:
common interests;
hobby;
destructive addiction.
Moral qualities:
attitude to other people;
the ability to love and sympathize;
potential benefits of its activities to society.
Exercise "Break the barriers of communication"
Often in dialogue, we feel a sense of alienation and are faced with the
"stagnation" that just do not know what to say to a specific person. All these
disorders are often associated with the fear of socializing. He is a product of fear
of being rejected and misunderstood.
Very often, this encounter people who do business at home, and they need it to
communicate with different people every day. But the more you expand a circle
of acquaintances, the faster came the realization that it is empty fears.
Set a goal for the day to talk to 15 different people with different ways of
communication:
4 people - using the phone;
4 people - via Skype (with webcam);
with 5 strangers - in store or on the street;
2 close friends about something very important.
During this exercise, use the tips that you have already learned. This will help
you to realize that you can find a common language with any person, if the own
principles of effective communication.
Part VII – How to Use Low Social
Confidence to Improve Social Competence
There are three distinct ways in which you can come from a low social
confidence and even social anxiety (extreme poverty) to social competence.
Path 1. Pessimistic realism
We know that the cause of near-zero correlation between social confidence and
social competence is confident that people systematically overestimate their
social skills. People feel insecure in social situations; on the contrary, tend to
realistically judge the weakness of these skills. Consequently, the first benefits of
low social confidence is the ability to accurately assess their social competence.
In other words, the low social confidence equips you a certain amount of
pessimistic realism, or the ability to recognize that you are not as strong in
interpersonal relationships, as you would like.
What does it mean? Carefully studying the negative feedback signals or
disapproval from others - which never make confident people. Socially confident
people tend to ignore any evidence that their popularity is lower than desired,
and even neutral interpret evidence in their favor, to convince themselves that
they behave as well as possible in social situations. Less confident people do the
opposite: they ignore the evidence showing that their behavior is perceived as
satisfactory, but the focus on the negative. No doubt, such a focus on the
negative aspects can be very painful, but this is the only way to improve the
targeting of their behavior and increase competence. Pay attention to your
weaknesses and remember that the exhaust itself for defects normally. If
something causes you anxiety, then we must not pretend that you do not care,
and try to take some action.
Paradoxically, the pessimism that rewards low social confidence makes people
more realistic, not least because the rose-colored glasses of high social
confidence considerably distort perspective. And as the saying goes, "in the land
of the blind, and the curve - the king."
Path 2. Self
Have you ever experienced alcohol disinhibition? In dim intoxication (in
contrast to the strong), we have a nice, reassuring feeling that allows you to
ignore the fact that sometimes we seem ridiculous. In fact, alcohol consumption
could be significantly reduced if he did not create the illusion of competence. It
is interesting to compare the effects of alcohol exposure to high social
confidence: hops allows us to wail in full karaoke on New Year corporate
parties, or start talking in a bar with a man to whom we would never have
approached sober; similarly high social confidence unfetters us and unleashes
our natural instincts. It's great - or is it not?
It is the understanding of any who are sober have seen their own drunken stunt
(such as Facebook or YouTube), alcohol does not have a favorable impact on
social competence, except around, knowing our condition, sometimes there are
more forgiving of our antics and forgive us. In addition to being drunk, we lose
strictness to himself, and this is not going to benefit. If drinking did not reduce
self-control, people would not have worked drunken nonsense. In sobriety has a
remarkable property: even if she does not "stay itself", but makes regular
exercise self-censorship. You can think of a low social confidence for this
extreme sobriety and social concern - even more extreme version of low social
confidence. In addition, alcohol tends to affect social competence, self-pumping
to the state in which we get up to all sorts of nonsense, even sober us is a shame
for them. In short, low self reinforces concern that others think of you, and it is
important to be able to function in society. High confidence, on the contrary, is
intoxicating: you relax and disinhibited, but it only hurts you. Be hard on
yourself - self-criticism will help to avoid criticism from others.
Path 3. Motivation
Social anxiety (extremely low confidence) is not only an objective light, causing
the focus on their behavior and to avoid situations in which you can make a
drastically bad impression on others. It is also the driving force that stimulates
the desire to get ready for the upcoming challenging activities that require
voltage and to minimize potential difficulties. If you suspect the possibility of
social failure (for example, before a date, interview, exam, business meeting or
presentation, when there is a threat of harm to your status in the eyes of others),
you have the only one consistent plan of action: training, training and training
again.
Given that your low social confidence, probably accurately reflects your lower
social competence (even if you are a little too hard on yourself), it will be an
incentive to improve social competence. Of course, you could stop yourself
eating there, but is that someone helped get better? Those who aim to improve
motivated by self-critical realism, are much more likely to improve competence
than those who lack self-criticism and who is not afraid of failure. Although high
social confidence can do a good job at runtime problems, these benefits (minor)
neutralized by the lack of adequate training (more importantly) in socially
confident individuals. On the contrary, the less you believe in yourself, the more
pessimistic is your forecast regarding the performance, so you will be especially
careful to prepare, and ultra-high level of training you can even afford to not
work in full force.
Think of the most academically classmates or classmates. Surely they worry
before each exam, resignedly said that this will be the most difficult exam, and
probably afraid of losing face. Therefore, they are very seriously preparing. Or
take job candidates before the interview or before an important match athletes or
artists, preparing to listen. In any area of competence, you can make the most of
their potential good results only when seriously react to prepare, and your
assessment of the necessary training volume back soon, but not in direct
proportion to the level of certainty associated with.
If you want to ignore these towards social competence or reject the idea of the
superiority of low social confidence in social relations, allow me to briefly
become the devil's advocate. Almost impossible to purposefully increase the
social competence and the switch from a pessimistic, based on the avoidance of
trouble and self-defense style of presentation on an optimistic, focused on the
promotion, uplifting presentation style. Simply put, if the social relations you try
to switch from low to high confidence, you will be immediately exposed and fail
(even if you manage to deceive others, you will most likely not be able to
convince yourself). This is because the characteristic of the style of your selfformed on the basis of early childhood experiences, and even has a genetic
origin.
Part VIII – All You Need - a Little Will Power
(and low confidence)
In the life of almost all "is easier said than done," but the main
recommendations, which I give in this book, it is easy to implement. You do not
have to make any radical changes - just need to slightly reconfigure itself. And
in the last chapter explains how and why you will be able to implement it and
how, by and large, should look like the world less confident, but more competent
person.
In the V century BC, Socrates came to the conclusion that the key to happiness is
to know your true "I". However, over the past half century, the pursuit of
happiness has led to the fact that in large parts of the western world people
replace their real "I" to a new, more confident model. The idea that we are better
than it actually is, can elevate mood, but if the society had failed to achieve their
goals, we must console ourselves by ignoring their failures, then it is a corrupt
society, exchanged expertise on confidence and replace the reality of the illusion
of success.
On the contrary, hundreds of psychological studies demonstrate that deliberate
attempts to suppress the negative opinion of themselves lead to the opposite
results. For example, attempts to avoid unwanted thoughts or feelings ( "not to
think about the white monkey") only reinforce the negative impact of those very
thoughts and feelings from which we want to get rid of. In fact, avoidance of
feelings is an even bigger threat to mental health than those negative thoughts
and feelings that it tries to suppress, or event that gave rise to these thoughts and
feelings. According to Dr. Kashdan and his colleagues at George Mason
University, we are constantly experiencing unpleasant, difficult moments from
time to time; we experience pain, distress and panic. However, these experiences
- part of human nature and do not necessarily carry the problem, and it is
impossible to avoid them - all of us sometimes have to experience the pain and
unpleasant emotions.
So, thoughts become unpleasant and disruptive, but when you try to drive them
off. Here are a few well-known examples.
• Decisions by the jury in the court usually affects the information that they
specifically ask not to be taken into account.
The public continues to believe heard in the news stories even after reporting
that they do not correspond to the truth, {238} which is why gossip about
politicians or public figures damage their reputation, even being dispelled.
• People make financial decisions under the influence of factors that are
deliberately trying to ignore (even if they offer money for such neglect). For
example, they are likely to buy a product for $ 100. If it is sold at a discount of
50% than the same product for $ 75. When the discount is "only" 30%.
• Trying to not think about food reinforce the desire to eat to satiety, so for strict
diets often to uncontrolled overeating and a new set of weights.
• Trying to not think about the upcoming surgery increase the likelihood of postoperative stress.
• Suppression of emotions associated with traumatic events, causes more health
problems than the unpleasant thoughts and feelings caused by these events.
• The desire to suppress negative emotions often suppresses the positive and
pleasant emotions.
• Trying to suppress negative thoughts saps the mind, just as the "heavy"
software eats up computer memory.
• People who are trying to stamp out racial stereotypes, as a result become even
more biased.
Part IX – Take Your Low Confidence
Trying to suppress feelings go sideways and do not provide such important first
steps toward self-improvement. Failure to fully immerse themselves in the
unpleasant thoughts and take them greatly reduces the chances to increase
competence and distorts the view of reality and self-image. For example, if you
feel worthless and try to suppress these feelings, you will never be able to do
anything to remedy the situation. On the other hand, with adequate perception of
their own negative opinion of himself and acceptance of the fact that you are not
up to the person who would like to be - especially if you are unhappy with
themselves - you will be able to focus on the steps that need to be taken for
improvement. Dissatisfaction - the mother of change, and the only change will
make improvement possible.
You do not need much thought to understand which option is best. Targeted
efforts to increase competence will certainly lead to failure and demoralize, and
attempts to improve the performance can not only lead to an increase in
competence, but also greatly enhance the confidence. Accordingly, the answer to
the question "What do I do with my low confidence" is simply nowhere:
Take it.
All that we are still talking in this book suggests: do not worry because of their
low confidence, do not try to get rid of it. Low confidence allows you recognize
our imperfections, our problems and our experiences, and this means that it is
pushing for change, improvement of living and increasing competence.
One more tip that 99% tips, which can be found in popular books on self-help.
Yes, uncertainty may make you better - unless you choose to ignore it, for those
who do not recognize their own weaknesses, missing the opportunity to benefit
from them. Such little hope; you have the same - if you've read this far - there is
not only hope, but also a real opportunity to turn a low confidence high
competence. So, it is time to look at his uncertainty as a true friend who can, and
speak directly into the eyes of not very nice things, but in fact it has the best of
intentions - to help you get better. It is time to understand that the only and the
best antidote to low self - a real boost, i.e. the acquisition of competencies... You
want to get a reliable medicine? There is only one effective recipe - a success.
Part X – Final Thoughts
As the great psychoanalyst Carl Jung, the search for the meaning of life - a
defining feature of humanity. Even if life is hard, meaning to help relieve the
pain. But if the meaning of life is dependent on the artificial construction of selfimage, which should help to easier to carry their own failures, we condemn
ourselves to them. As we now know, it is a low confidence leads to success.
How would the world look less confident?
People would be better prepared for each day; It would be less controversial and
less errors. Politicians and military leaders would be in no hurry to send us to
war, general managers would be more humane, and drivers - more cautious. Did
not happen to many global disasters of recent decades, the cause of which was
over-confidence. The world would be a much more competent.
According to Alfred Adler, "be a man - means to have a sense of inferiority."
However, empowerment reduces the inherent nature of a feeling of inferiority, at
least for a while. In fact, the feeling of inferiority motivates our desire to
achieve. The more weaknesses do you notice in yourself, the stronger the
motivation to improve and so will have to work harder. Low confidence - is the
result of the failure, but the source of success.
Epilogue
So, generally accepted definition of confidence for today does not exist. Most
foreign psychological vocabulary is limited to describing the various approaches
to confidence. Sami researchers carefully avoided articulating the concept of
self-confidence (or consider the current level of research problems not sufficient
to give a definition of confidence).
Numerous studies have confidence is not led to date to a clear understanding of
the phenomenon and does not give reliable means of measurement. Most of the
existing test of confidence is based on the controversial "behavioral"
understanding of self as a certain set of social skills. At the same time it assumed
the existence of an independent quality assurance, acting as a prerequisite of
these skills. Factor structure of the test to assess the "behavior" of confidence
obtained from different samples in different countries also differ substantially.
Most of the authors of these facts make a conclusion about the
multidimensionality of confidence as the psychological characteristics and reject
the hypothesis of the existence of a generalized and stable confidence.
About the Author
My name is Jack Oliver and me the goal is to make your life easier in the
perception. All you need is knowledge that will help you get out of a stressful
and depressing situation. I like to help people. I hope my work was not in vain.
P.S. You need to be patient, to go the way of healing with maximum efficiency.