How to find out for sure if your friends are truly your friends Am I your friend? For those who said ’yes’, are you one hundred percent sure? You don’t know me that much yet. For those who hesitate, you’re on the right track; don’t judge the book by its cover. And for those who said ‘no’, well nice to meet you, I’m Jean and today I’ll be presenting on how to find out for sure if your friends are truly your friends. An average teenager’s life comes with a bag filled with different types of friends. Sometimes the sad part is that they cannot look into the bag and see who is real or fake. A teenage girl, quite like me, can only make random selections hoping that the selection is the best we could’ve possibly chosen. Other than being a supportive companion when things get tough, friends are vital for our self-growth and development as we spend majority of our time with them. A quirky sense of humor, great advice, and honesty are all things that come to mind when you think about a friend. But do we really know what does it take to be a true friend? There’s a saying that goes, ‘growing up means realizing a lot of your friends aren’t really your friends.’ Hence, we must ‘filter’ these false friends who only bring negative influences in our lives by learning who is gold, and who is simply gold-plated. Primarily, the most effective and realistic method to identify false friends is by pretending you’re going through a hard time. P.S.: be extra dramatic and exaggerative as you are seeking attention from them. If this friend seems concerned and patiently listens to you, they are a true friend. A fake friend is someone who has no time to listen to you. It means that you are incurious to them. For instance, they call you ‘baby’ when they need favors but when you need them *poof* you’re ghosted. A quote by Benjamin Franklin says that “a false friend and a shadow attend only while the sun shines,” meaning fake friends, like all friends, give support when life is good, however, they always abandon us when our days turn dark. False friends befriend you just to use your resources like your popularity, money, and maybe your hot boyfriend. This is something that true friends will not do, for they will stick with you during your hard times and stand by their friends no matter the consequences. Moving on, Three main characteristics of a true friends: trustworthy, honest, OC 1: Do you know based on a study of American Sociological researcher from the past twenty years, one hundred friends out of nighty-seven only three people will be identified as the real friends? The other majority number only rely on other things such as money, power, and extravagant lifestyle. In life, a person should identify the difference between the real friends or fake friends. OC 2: There are things in life that are obviously toxic: oil spills, numerous household cleaners, and that funky smell in the fridge left by some coworker’s lunch. But there are things that are equally bad for us yet not as obvious – namely, certain friendships. Toxic friendships leave us feeling exhausted, emotional, and bad about ourselves. Main points (3) 1) Sadfishing Making exaggerated claims about emotional problems to gain sympathy, used especially to seek attention Sadfishing is a common reaction for someone going through a hard time or pretending to be going through a hard time. Be extra dramatic when you tell them something, be it a problem, complains or trouble. – if they seem annoyed or uninterested, they are not truly your friends OR Find out who stick to you during your hard times – observe – those who stay with you during your good times are only using your resources: popularity/fame, money, materialistic: house, video games – pretend you’re going through a hard time A fake friend is someone who have no time to listen to you. It means that you are incurious to him or her. They only find you to talk about their problems, when you talk about yours, they seem uninterested and annoyed – coming around when they need you, but not when you need them – for instance, they call just to ask you for favors – they only talk about themselves – care less about your life, your interests or your opinions These types of friends only meet up with you for ‘popularity’ – to take pictures, food – just to post on social media True friends spend real emotions with you, they listen and talk about real problems, real life OC 1: Without the nonstop support and care for a friend, what is a friend considered to be? People view friends in vast amounts of ways, but in mine it is simply a person who is there to help you when times are rough and willing to have a splendid time, all the time. 2) Pretend you did something wrong – if they support you, that person is most likely to be a false friend, of course they may be clueless When you did something wrong, they tell you, not support you -true friends impacts us positively and make us a better person A false friend suggests you to make incorrect decisions. True friends know when to criticize you Trustworthy friend is someone who has a good friendship that should give an honest opinion on any circumstances. 3) Tell them a secret Listeners – real friends do not take you as a subject to gossip – they act as a listener Fake friends do not keep your secrets – they talk behind your back 4) The most simple and fastest way to identify false friends is telling them your success or achievements. For example, when you excitedly bring them news of your success, let’s say winning an essay competition, and their reaction does not match with yours, instead they seem a little unhappy. If there are this type friends in your lives, it’s time to lower their positions from here to here, or just *throws away*. Arguments – statistics, facts Conclusion My real friends can be counted on my left hand. Yes they are few, but are very true. They are trustworthy, dependable, respectable, supportive and real at all times. They are very important for us, because we share with them some things which are secret things that are not being known by anybody. They make some devotions for us and are very generous people. Stay real, stay loyal, or stay away from me How to find out for sure if your friends are truly your friends Am I your friend? For those who said ‘yes’, are you one hundred percent sure? You don’t know me that much yet. For those who hesitate, you’re on the right track; don’t judge the book by its cover. And for those who said ‘no’, well nice to meet you, I’m Jean and today I would like to speak about “friends”. An average teenager’s life comes with a bag filled with different types of friends. Sometimes the sad part is that they cannot look into the bag and see who is real or fake. So here comes the question, “how do we find out for sure if your friends are truly your friends?” Honestly, we can’t. Ladies and gentlemen, ask everyone in this class, right now, if they know the real solid answers on how to find out if a friend is true. You’d notice each answer can be similar, yet, different. There are no answers to these whys or hows, it’s simply trial and error. Friends can be defined as true or false, however there are no specific ways to find out a true friend because it’s different from one to another. Let me share with you 3 reasons why there is simply no way to look into the bag and see who is real or fake. POV: Riverdale sucks. POV: Riverdale is the best Netflix show ever! There is no way to find out a true friend because everyone has different perspectives, a.k.a. point of view. Every person has their own way of looking at things. Every person has different versions of true friends, which means that what works for me might not actually work for you. Think about it, we come from different families, have different cultures, and different mentality and personal experiences; these external factors shape our own unique perspective, meaning that we perceive matter differently. Let me illustrate this to you, if you think your friend is true but someone else think they are a red flag, this is due to different perspectives. You cannot determine the flag colour when you’re standing at the pole, but others can see the flag colour when they are standing at the other side. When you're standing at the pole, you can't see the flag colour, but others can see it when they're standing on the other side. In short, quantity of friends is objective; quality of friends is subjective. Let me tell you a short story between two friends. He gave a positive comment; she took it in a negative way. What he meant was actually a compliment; what she interpreted was mistakenly an insult. Misunderstandings, a common cause of conflicts between friends. There are no specific ways to find out a true friend because we often misunderstand things. It blurs our vision and judgement on how true a friend is. Even when we speak the same language, we can misunderstand each other because we cannot see into other people's minds and hearts. You can never assume you totally understand another person or assume they understand you completely. For instance, people say true friends always show up during your hard times; in this scenario, if Bob didn’t show up at that one time, does it mean that he doesn’t care? Does that make Bob a false friend forever? Before you “assume” they are true or false, try this crazy method called “asking”. In a nutshell, don’t write a summary, without reading their story. If you’d like me to describe ‘human’ in one single word, I’d say ‘imperfect’. We have flaws; we make mistakes, intentional or unintentional. Doubt, a feeling of uncertainty, is embedded in our human nature. Tell me, have you ever doubted someone? Maybe that someone could be your friend? Before we “assume” our friends are fake, we doubt, we feel insecurity. Sometimes, we may push a “false” friend away from us because of what they did. My question is - why do we let friendships end in doubt and mistrust? Why do we deprive ourselves of openmindedness and closure? Friendships may feel right or wrong, but sometimes there’s no need to be so fixated on who is true or false. Do we really need to find out for sure if our friends are, in fact, our friends? A wise man named Stephen Richards once said that “A broken friendship that is mended through forgiveness can be even stronger than it once was.” Again, why is there no way to find out a true friend? Number one, because of different perspectives. Number two, because we often misunderstand things. And lastly, because we, are human beings. Remember folks, never choose a friend without complete understanding and, never lose a friend because of a small misunderstanding. I know, we all have had ups and downs in our friendships. During those hard times, keep in mind that life is uncertain, people come and go in our lives, but the right ones will always stay. Allow ourselves to go with the flow. However, remember to be the best version of ourselves. Thank you. Let me explain it to you. Let me illustrate this to you. Take an example of … My question is – if we could… why can’t we… as well? If we could tell … why can’t we tell the rest of the … as well? Disagree A teenage girl, quite like me, can only make random selections hoping that the selection is the best we could’ve possibly chosen. If every answer does work, broken friendships wouldn’t exist anymore. Doubt. Why do we deprive ourselves of open-mindedness and closure / what could’ve been so much more Intro: Friends. I’m sure it’s a very common term, we have heard it so many times and in so many occasion and places; best friend, toxic friend, true friend, and fake friend. We can define friends as true or false, however we cannot define specific ways of finding out whether a friend is true or not because it’s different from one to another. 1st point: Everyone has different perspectives on definition of true friends Relationship between people is individualized and personal; causing people to perceive their friends differently. There are 7 billion people in this world who grew up with different cultures and ethnic backgrounds, mentality, and personal experiences, hence shaping our own unique perspective. Every person has their own way of looking at things. Every person has different versions of true friends, meaning what I think works for me might not work for you. There are no whys or hows, just trial and error. Relationship between people is personal; one cannot simply perceive and define a friendship without involving in it. Quantity of friends is objective; quality of friends is subjective - How do I perceive…? How do you perceive…? Instead of looking inside a box to choose two tags labelled ‘true’ or ‘false’, why don’t we look out of the box to see a window with possibilities? We come from different families, have different ethnic backgrounds and cultures, and have different personal experiences. We want different things from life and different things from each other. I want you to be honest with me, however you may think that not everything should be exposed. For instance, there are 7 billion people in this world who grew up with different culture, mentality, and education; everyone is revolved and surrounded with various types of people, affecting them in their own special way, shaping an own unique perspective. Yes, we can measure the quantity of friends, but can we really measure the quality of friends based on every single person’s opinion? I may think that she is true, you may also think that she is true, but there will always be someone who will disagree. Of course, there are similarities between our lenses in regard to what we see and what we perceive, but the details are the difference. Amy Ray – Your perspective probably depends on where you live. Salman Rushdie - Reality is a question of perspective;. When things change inside you, things change around you. 2nd point: misunderstood conflicts He gave a negative comment. She took it in a positive way. He called her ' A Model '. She interpreted ' A fashionista '. But he meant ' A Copycat '. Misunderstanding, a common cause of conflicts between friends. There are no specific ways to find out a true friend because we often misunderstand things. Even when we speak the same language, we can misunderstand each other because we can't see into other people's minds and hearts. You can never assume you totally understand another person or assume they understand you completely. It’s the way people act – everyone acts indifferently thinks indifferently – what this person does – he or she may not mean it that Sometimes the way a friend acts, it is not what you think it is – that friend may mean no harm to you, but the way they deliver it may be considered harmful to you. Two people in a conflict may indeed be in the same situation – except that it's not the same situation to each of them. Within a person's own limited perceptions, they may believe they're right. But if you look at the situation from another, wider perspective, they may not seem right. Just because a friend chooses their career over you, doesn’t mean they don’t love you. I say true friends survive the hardest times; true friends overcome the tragedies. 3rd point: because we are humans If you ask me to describe humans in one single word, I’d say ‘imperfect’. We have flaws; we make mistakes, intentional or unintentional. Does doing something wrong makes a person a false friend forever? Do we need to completely remove them out of our lives just because they told your secret to the whole class, just because they weren’t there when you need them? Just because they didn’t appear during your hard times doesn’t mean they won’t show up the next time. Sometimes doubt made us became too fixated on their mistakes that we often forgot about their kindness. Is it necessary to put a label of either “true” or “false” on a friend? Doubt. Why do we care? And why do we deprive ourselves of open-mindedness, and closure? Go with the flow. People come and go Phillip Brooms once said that “forgive, forget. Bear with the fault of others as you would have them bear with yours.” Paul Boese once said that “forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” Stephen Richards - “a broken friendship that is mended through forgiveness can be even stronger than it once was,” We can define friends as ‘true’ or ‘false’, but is there a need to? So the next time a friend cancels plans or forgets to text back, consider giving them the benefit of the doubt and waiting to hear their side of things before jumping to conclusions Conclusion: Hidden message? And at the end of the speech, I want to say - /// Life is uncertain, people come and go all the time in and out of our lives, just go with the flow; but, remember to be the best version of ourselves. ///take in perspectives & learn to forgive – insert in main content / conclusion Why can’t we define a friend is true or not? Why? Because we have different perspectives. Because we often misunderstand things. – if there are truly ways to find out, it may not be correct cuz misunderstandings occur Because we are humans. Humans are imperfect. We have flaws; we make mistakes, intentional or unintentional. Does doing something wrong makes a person a false friend forever? Do we need to remove them out of our lives completely just because of their mistakes? Just because they told your secret to the whole class, just because they weren’t there when you need them? Does it really matter to find out if our friends are, in fact, our friends? I found out that in halfway I started to deliver – there is no need (instead of no way) to find out if your friends are true or not – Why do we care? Why do we desperately find ways to identify false friends just to ruin precious friendships?
