INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS HANDOUT 16
(Interpersonal Effectiveness Worksheets 11, 11a, 11b; pp. 189-191)
How to Think and Act Dialectically
? 1. There is always more than one side to anything that exists. Look for both sides.
? Ask Wise Mind: What am I missing? Where is the kernel of truth in the other side?
? Let go of extremes: Change "either-or" to "both-and," "always" or "never" to
"sometimes."
? Balance opposites: Validate both sides when you disagree, accept reality, and work to
change.
? Make lemonade out of lemons.
? Embrace confusion: Enter the paradox of yes and no, or true and not true.
? Play devil's advocate: Argue each side of your own position with equal passion,
? Use metaphors and storytelling to unstick and free the mind.
? Other ways to see all sides of a situation:
? 2. Be aware that you are connected.
? Treat others as you want them to treat you.
? Look for similarities among people instead of differences.
? Notice the physical connections among all things.
? Other ways to stay aware of connections:
? 3. Embrace change.
? Throw yourself into change: Allow it. Embrace it.
? Practice radical acceptance of change when rules, circumstances, people, and
relationships change in ways you don't like.
? Practice getting used to change: Make small changes to practice this (e.g., purposely
change where you sit, who you talk with, what route you take when going to a familiar
place).
? Other ways to embrace change:
? 4. Change is transactional: Remember that you affect your environment and your
environment affects you.
? Pay attention to your effect on others and how they affect you.
? Practice letting go of blame by looking for how your own and others' behaviors are
caused by many interactions over time.
? Remind yourself that all things, including all behaviors, are caused.
? Other ways to see transactions:
Nute a pled Cop Mile 2007 Tale ulord Pelin Adapted by peronis, Dialectical behavior therapy with suicidal adolescents. New York:
From Do is Training Hand is this Wants is Sate purchas So in ok for personal Use or or 5e vin lienisehan. Permision
151
INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS HANDOUT 16
(Interpersonal Effectiveness Worksheets 11, 11a, 11b; pp. 189-191)
How to Think and Act Dialectically
? 1, There is always more than one side to anything that exists. Look for both sides.
? Ask Wise Mind: What am I missing? Where is the kernel of truth in the other side?
? Let
"sometimes."
go of extremes; Change "either-or" to "both-and," "always" or "never" to
? Balance opposites: Validate both sides when you disagree, accept reality, and work to
change.
? Make lemonade out of lemons.
? Embrace confusion: Enter the paradox of yes and no, or true and not true.
? Play devil's advocate: Argue each side of your own position with equal passion.
? Use metaphors and storytelling to unstick and free the mind.
? Other ways to see all sides of a situation:
? 2. Be aware that you are connected.
? Treat others as you want them to treat you.
? Look for similarities among people instead of differences.
? Notice the physical connections among all things.
? Other ways to stay aware of connections:
? 3. Embrace change.
? Throw yourself into change: Allow it. Embrace it.
? Practice radical acceptance of change when rules, circumstances, people, and
relationships change in ways you don't like.
? Practice getting used to change: Make small changes to practice this (e.g., purposely
change where you sit, who you talk with, what route you take when going to a familiar
place).
? Other ways to embrace change:
? 4. Change is transactional: Remember that you affect your environment and your
environment affects you.
? Pay attention to your effect on others and how they affect you.
? Practice letting go of blame by looking for how your own and others' behaviors are
caused by many interactions over time.
? Remind yourself that all things, including all behaviors, are caused.
? Other ways to see transactions: _
Note. Adapted
Guilford
Press. from
Copyright
Miller,2007
A. L.,
byRathus,
The Guilford
J. H.,Press.
& Linehan,
Adapted
M. M.
by (2007).
permission.
Dialectical behavior therapy with suicidal adolescents. New York:
From Do iS Train and is and Words lis Faed to picase or a M. ok or personal use or For 5e win lie lifehan. Permission
151
-
- - - - -
INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS HANDOUT 15
(Interpersonal Effectiveness Worksheets 11, 11a, 11b; pp. 189-191)
Dialectics
DIALECTICS REMINDS US THAT
1. The universe is filled with opposing sides/opposing forces.
There is always more than one way to see a situation, and more than one way to solve a
problem.
Two things that seem like opposites can both be true.
2. Everything and every person is connected in some way.
The waves and the ocean are one.
The slightest move of the butterfly affects the furthest star.
3. Change is the only constant.
Meaning and truth evolve over time.
Each moment is new; reality itself changes with each moment.
4. Change is transactional.
What we do influences our environment and other people in it.
The environment and other people influence us.
From DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition, by Marsha M. Linehan. Copyright 2015 by Marsha M. Linehan. Permission
to photocopy or download and print this handout is granted to purchasers of this book for personal use or for use with clients.
150
INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS HANDOUT 16
(Interpersonal Effectiveness Worksheets 11, 11a, 11b; pp. 189-191)
How to Think and Act Dialectically
? 1, There is always more than one side to anything that exists. Look for both sides.
? Ask Wise Mind: What am I missing? Where is the kernel of truth in the other side?
? Let go of extremes: Change "either-or" to "both-and," "always" or "never" to
"sometimes."
? Balance opposites: Validate both sides when you disagree, accept reality, and work to
change.
? Make lemonade out of lemons.
? Embrace confusion: Enter the paradox of yes and no, or true and not true.
? Play devil's advocate: Argue each side of your own position with equal passion.
? Use metaphors and storytelling to unstick and free the mind.
? Other ways to see all sides of a situation:
? 2. Be aware that you are connected.
? Treat others as you want them to treat you.
? Look for similarities among people instead of differences.
? Notice the physical connections among all things.
? Other ways to stay aware of connections:
? 3. Embrace change.
? Throw yourself into change: Allow it. Embrace it.
? Practice radical acceptance of change when rules, circumstances, people, and
relationships change in ways you don't like.
? Practice getting used to change: Make small changes to practice this (e.g., purposely
change where you sit, who you talk with, what route you take when going to a familiar
place).
? Other ways to embrace change:
? 4. Change is transactional: Remember that you affect your environment and your
environment affects you.
? Pay attention to your effect on others and how they affect you.
? Practice letting go of blame by looking for how your own and others' behaviors are
caused by many interactions over time.
? Remind yourself that all things, including all behaviors, are caused.
? Other ways to see transactions:
ulf Adres. CopyMi20/ y Ta suitor Pe in. Adapted Peo Dialectical behavior therapy with suicidal adolescents. New York:
Too iS an and hi Want and in Mort M. Do or personal uS r5 Me via Mi linehan. Permission
151
INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS HANDOUT 9 (p. 1 of 2)
(Interpersonal Effectiveness Worksheet 7; pp. 178-179)
Troubleshooting:
When What You Are Doing Isn't Working
Do I have the skills I need? Check out the instructions.
1
Review what has already been tried.
? Do I know how to be skillful in getting what I want?
? Do I know how to say what I want to say?
? Do I follow the skill instructions to the letter?
Do I know what I really want in this interaction?
Ask:
? Am I undecided about what I really want in this interaction?
2
? Am I unsure of my priorities?
? Am I having trouble balancing:
? Asking for too much versus too little?
? Saying no to everything versus saying yes to everything?
? Is fear or shame getting in the way of knowing what I really want?
Are short-term goals getting in the way of long-term goals?
3
Ask:
? Is "NOW, NOW, NOW" winning out over getting what I really want in the
future?
? Is emotion mind controlling what I say and do instead of WISE MIND?
(continued on next page)
To phoo is Train and in and Wanted and pian Mori ki peoni: 2015 Main i linehan. Permission.
134
INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS HANDOUT 9 (p. 20f 2)
4
Are my emotions getting in the way of using my skills?
Ask:
? Do I get too upset to use my skills?
? Are my emotions so HIGH that I am over my skills breakdown point?
Are worries, assumptions, and myths getting in my way?
Ask:
? Are THOUGHTS about bad consequences blocking my action?
"They won't like me," "She will think I am stupid."
5
? Are THOUGHTS about not deserving things getting in my way?
"I am such a bad person I don't deserve this."
? Am I calling myself NAMES that stop me from doing anything?
"I won't do it right," "I'll probably fall apart," "I'm so stupid."
? Do I believe MYTHS about interpersonal effectiveness?
"If I make a request, this will show that I am a weak person,"
"Only wimps have values."
Is the environment more powerful than my skills?
6
Ask:
? Are the people who have what I want or need more powerful than I am?
? Are other people more in control of the situation than I am?
? Will others be threatened if I get what I want?
? Do others have reasons for not liking me if I get what I want?
Other ideas:
7
135
MINDFULNESS HANDOUT 10
(Mindfulness Worksheets 10, 10a, 10b; pp. 105-108)
Walking the Middle Path:
Finding the Synthesis between Opposites
Reasonable
mind
Emotion
mind
Both regulate actions and make decisions based on reason,
And
take into account values and experience even strong emotions as they come and go.
Nothing-to-do
mind
Doing
mind
Both do what is needed in the moment (including reviewing the past or planning for the future),
experience fully the uniqueness of each moment in the moment.
Radical
Intense desire
for change
of the moment
acceptance
of the moment
Both allow yourself to have an intense desire to have something else than what is now,
And
be willing to radically accepi what you have in your life in the present moment.
Self-denial
^
Self-indulgence
Both practice moderation,
And
satisfy the senses.
Other:
From DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition, by Marsha M. Linehan. Copyright 2015 by Marsha M. Linehan. Permission
to photocopy or download and print this handout is granted to purchasers of this book for personal use or for use with clients.
74
EMOTION REGULATION WORKSHEET 3 (p. 1 of 2)
(Emotion Regulation Handout 4a; p. 212)
)
Myths about Emotions
Due Date:
Name:
Week Starting:
For each myth, write down a challenge that makes sense to you. Although the one already
written may make a lot of sense, try to come up with another one or rewrite the one there in your
own words.
1. There is a right way to feel in every situation.
Challenge: Every person responds differently to a situation. There is no correct or right way.
My challenge:
2. Letting others know that I am feeling bad is a weakness.
Challenge: Letting others know that I am feeling bad is a healthy form of communication.
My challenge:
3. Negative feelings are bad and destructive.
Challenge: Negative feelings are natural responses. They help me to create a better
understanding of the situation.
My challenge:
4. Being emotional means being out of control.
Challenge: Being emotional means being a normal human being.
My challenge:
5. Some emotions are stupid.
Challenge: Every emotion indicates how I am feeling in a certain situation. All emotions are
useful to help me understand what I am experiencing.
My challenge:
6. All painful emotions are a result of a bad attitude.
Challenge: All painful emotions are natural responses to something.
My challenge:
7. If others don't approve of my feelings, I obviously shouldn't feel the way I do.
Challenge: I have every right to feel the way I do, regardless of what other people think.
My challenge:
8. Other people are the best judges of how I am feeling.
Challenge: I am the best judge of how I feel. Other people can only guess how I feel.
My challenge:
9. Painful emotions are not important and should be ignored.
Challenge: Painful emotions can be warning signs telling me that a situation I am in is not
good.
My challenge:
10. Extreme emotions get you a lot further than trying to regulate your emotions.
Challenge: Extreme emotions can often cause trouble for me and for other people. If an
emotion is not effective, emotion regulation is a good idea.
My challenge:
(continued on next page)
Fool is Training Hand puts and Worksheets grand un a Mas of M Look Tor Personal Us To Use Mih insan. Permission
279
EMOTION REGULATION WORKSHEET 3 (p. 2 of 2)
11. Creativity requires intense, often out-of-control emotions.
Challenge: I can be in control of my emotions and be creative.
My challenge:
12. Drama is cool.
Challenge: I can be dramatic and regulate my emotions.
My challenge:
13. It is inauthentic to try to change my emotions.
Challenge: Change is itself authentic; it is part of life.
My challenge:
14. Emotional truth is what counts, not factual truth.
Challenge: Both emotional feeling and facts matter.
My challenge:
15. People should do whatever they feel like doing.
Challenge: Doing what I feel like doing can be ineffective.
My challenge:
16. Acting on your emotions is the mark of a truly free individual.
Challenge: The truly free person can regulate emotions.
My challenge:
17. My emotions are who I am.
Challenge: Emotions are partly but not completely who I am.
My challenge:
18. My emotions are why people love me.
Challenge: People will still love me if I regulate my emotions.
My challenge:
19. Emotions can just happen for no reason.
Challenge: All things in the universe are caused.
My challenge:
20. Emotions should always be trusted.
Challenge: Emotions should sometimes be trusted.
My challenge:
21. Other myth:
Challenge:
My challenge:
280