THE
BOUNDARIES
FLIP CHART
A Psychoeducational Tool
to Help Clients Set Healthy Limits,
Develop Fulfilling Relationships,
and Reclaim Their Worth
NEDRA GLOVER TAWWAB, MSW, LCSW
Author of the NYT bestselling books Set Boundaries, Find Peace and Drama Free
@nedratawwab
WHAT ARE BOUNDARIES?
Use this page to develop a working definition of what boundaries mean to your client.
Discuss your client’s existing descriptions of boundaries and explore their understanding of
them. Have your client fill in the blank lines with their own additional thoughts and ideas.
Boundaries mean different things to different people. Here are some examples of how
boundaries are conceptualized:
• They are expectations and needs that help you feel safe and comfortable
in your relationships.
• They are ways to communicate your needs to others through your words
and actions.
• They are perimeters that you establish with yourself and others.
• They allow you to know when to say no or yes.
• They protect your emotional, physical, and mental well-being.
• They let other people know where you end and they begin.
• They are a form of self-care.
• They represent ways to define roles in a relationship.
Process Questions:
- How would you define a boundary?
- What do boundaries mean to you?
- Do you have boundaries in your life? Too many? Too few?
•1•
WHAT ARE BOUNDARIES?
bound•a•ry
“something that points out or shows a limit or end, a dividing line”*
• They are expectations and needs that help you feel safe and comfortable
in your relationships.
• They are ways to communicate your needs to others through your words
and actions.
• They are perimeters that you establish with yourself and others.
• They allow you to know when to say no or yes.
• They protect your emotional, physical, and mental well-being.
• They let other people know where you end and they begin.
• They are a form of self-care.
• They represent ways to define roles in a relationship.
• • • * “Boundary.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster
DO YOU NEED HEALTHIER BOUNDARIES?
Since many clients don’t realize that they have unhealthy boundaries, it’s helpful for
them to see concrete examples of what this can look like. Go through this checklist
with your client, asking them to identify any of the behaviors they engage in.
Boundaries, or lack thereof, are often so woven into our lives that we don’t realize when
they need to be firmed (or loosened) up for our own well-being. In fact, most people
don’t even realize that boundaries are an issue in their lives until they see concrete
examples of poor boundaries that resonate with them.
Let’s look at this list and identify whether you see yourself in any of the examples.
The following are all signs that you may need to set healthier boundaries:
 Overextending yourself
 Allowing others to make decisions for you
 Making excuses for the poor behavior of others
 Having one-sided relationships
 Taking on other people’s problems or emotions as if they
are your own
 Lending money when you don’t have the means
 Acting as if things don’t bother you
 Saying yes to things you don’t want to do
 Avoiding actions that may “rock the boat”
 Fearing how others will react if you say no
 Telling yourself you’re “too sensitive” (i.e., gaslighting
yourself)
 Tending to other people’s needs and neglecting your own
 Doing things for people instead of helping them do things
for themselves
 Showing up late to most things
 Apologizing for your feelings or for saying no
 Accepting mistreatment of any kind
 Having difficulty saying no
 Lacking emotional separation between you and another
person (enmeshment)
 Taking the blame for other people’s behavior
 Assuming you’re at fault for most things
 Not holding others accountable for things that hurt or
bother you
 Doing things out of a sense of obligation
 Trying to be everything to everyone
 Always being the helper, never the one being helped
 Having difficulty asking for help
 People-pleasing
 Rescuing others
 Being dependent on feedback from others
 Neglecting self-care
 Having a paralyzing fear of rejection
 Consistently going to work early (or staying late), even
when you’re not asked to
 Participating in sexual acts you’re not comfortable with
(or pressuring others to do the same)
 Taking on more than you can handle
 Waiting for others to figure out what you need
 Other: Process Questions:
- When you see how many examples you’ve identified with, what are your initial thoughts?
- Do you see any commonalities among the boxes you’ve checked (or the ones you haven’t)?
- In general, do you see unhealthy boundaries popping up in one area of your life more than
others (e.g., work, home, relationships, family, friends)?
- If you checked off one or more items while immediately thinking, “Yes, that’s me!” what do you
think that says about your overall boundaries?
•5•
DO YOU NEED HEALTHIER BOUNDARIES?
The following are all signs that you may need to set healthier boundaries:
 O
verextending yourself
 A
llowing others to make decisions for you
 M
aking excuses for the poor behavior
of others
 T
aking on other people’s problems or
emotions as if they are your own
 H
aving one-sided relationships
 A
cting as if things don’t bother you
 L ending money when you don’t have
the means
 A
voiding actions that may “rock the boat”
 S
aying yes to things you don’t want to do
 F earing how others will react if you say no
 T
ending to other people’s needs and
neglecting your own
 T
elling yourself you’re “too sensitive”
(i.e., gaslighting yourself)
 T
aking the blame for other people’s
behavior
 A
ssuming you’re at fault for most things
 D
oing things for people instead of helping
them do things for themselves
 N
ot holding others accountable for things
that hurt or bother you
 S
howing up late to most things
 D
oing things out of a sense of obligation
 A
pologizing for your feelings or for
saying no
 T
rying to be everything to everyone
 A
ccepting mistreatment of any kind
 A
lways being the helper, never the one
being helped
 H
aving difficulty saying no
 H
aving difficulty asking for help
 L acking emotional separation between
you and another person (enmeshment)
 R
escuing others
 P
eople-pleasing
 B
eing dependent on feedback from others
 H
aving a paralyzing fear of rejection
 P
articipating in sexual acts you’re not
comfortable with (or pressuring others
to do the same)
 T
aking on more than you can handle
 N
eglecting self-care
 Consistently going to work early (or staying
late), even when you’re not
asked to
 W
aiting for others to figure out what
you need
 O
ther: WHERE DID YOU LEARN ABOUT BOUNDARIES?
Use this exercise to explore how boundaries were communicated to your client in childhood and
how those experiences have informed the way they approach boundaries today. Although the
exercise asks your client to identify patterns of boundary violations that occurred as they were
growing up, even isolated or one-time traumatic events can have lasting effects on someone’s
ability to set healthy boundaries, so make sure to explore these specific experiences as well.
It can be especially difficult to say no and set boundaries if the concept of boundaries
wasn’t taught to you or if your own boundaries weren’t honored in childhood. Let’s look
at this list to identify how boundaries were communicated while you were growing up.
Your past experiences have likely shaped you as a person, and they might also affect
your work in adopting new, healthier boundaries in the present. Check off the boundary
violations that were commonplace in your home or that stand out in your mind.
When I was growing up…
Physical/Material
I didn’t have a private space in my home just for me.

 M
y personal belongings were broken, thrown away, or disrespected.
 P
eople read my journal, went through my phone, or eavesdropped on
my conversations.
 I was not provided proper clothing or housing.
 F amily members entered my room without knocking first.
 P
eople took things from me or used my possessions without permission.
 M
y parents enabled tracking on my phone so they would always
know my whereabouts.
 I was forced to show affection even when I was uncomfortable
doing so (e.g., hugging a relative).
 I was forced to finish the food on my plate or to eat things I
strongly disliked.
 I was hit, pushed, pinched, or otherwise physically harmed.
 I witnessed other people being abused in my home.
 I had little to no adult supervision; I did whatever I wanted.
Emotional
A

dults shared intimate details of their lives with me.
 M
y feelings were dismissed or minimized.
 I served as a go-between for my parents’ conflicts.
 M
y family taunted, bullied, or teased me.
 I was blamed for things that weren’t my fault.
 A
dults asked me to keep secrets for them.
 T
here was too much (or too little) affection.
 E
veryone was in everyone’s business.
 E
xpectations of me were impossibly high.
 R
ules were enforced inconsistently.
 I was punished, not disciplined, for my behavior.
 I was told my feelings were “too big” (e.g., being shamed for crying
or expressing anger).
 I didn’t feel safe sharing my feelings.
Sexual
 I was exposed to adult sexual content (e.g., pornography or graphic
sex scenes).
 A
dults made sexual innuendos and jokes in front of me.
 N
o one taught me about my reproductive parts, sex, or sexuality.
 T
he adults in my home were overtly sexual with one another in front
of me.
M

y parent was openly promiscuous.
 I did not receive proper gynecological care (if applicable).
 N
udity was common in my home.
 I was sexually abused by someone in my home.
 A
dults expressed overtly discriminatory or phobic views around
gender and sexuality around me.
Process Questions:
- How do you think these experiences have impacted your boundaries today?
- What would have been a helpful boundary for you as a child?
- Who were the people in your life who violated your boundaries?
- Who were the people in your life with whom you felt seen, heard, and honored?
•6•
WHERE DID YOU LEARN ABOUT BOUNDARIES?
When I was growing up…
Physical/Material
 I didn’t have a private space in my home
just for me.
 M
y personal belongings were broken,
thrown away, or disrespected.
 P
eople read my journal, went through
my phone, or eavesdropped on my
conversations.
 I was not provided proper clothing or
housing.
 F amily members entered my room without
knocking first.
 P
eople took things from me or used my
possessions without permission.
 M
y parents enabled tracking on my
phone so they would always know my
whereabouts.
 I was forced to show affection even
when I was uncomfortable doing so
(e.g., hugging a relative).
 I was forced to finish the food on my plate
or to eat things I strongly disliked.
 I was hit, pushed, pinched, or otherwise
physically harmed.
 I witnessed other people being abused in
my home.
 I had little to no adult supervision; I did
whatever I wanted.
Emotional
 A
dults shared intimate details of their lives
with me.
 E
veryone was in everyone’s business.
 M
y feelings were dismissed or minimized.
 R
ules were enforced inconsistently.
 I served as a go-between for my parents’
conflicts.
 M
y family taunted, bullied, or teased me.
 E
xpectations of me were impossibly high.
 I was punished, not disciplined, for my
behavior.
 I was blamed for things that weren’t my
fault.
 I was told my feelings were “too big”
(e.g., being shamed for crying or
expressing anger).
 A
dults asked me to keep secrets for them.
 I didn’t feel safe sharing my feelings.
 T
here was too much (or too little) affection.
Sexual
 I was exposed to adult sexual content
(e.g., pornography or graphic sex scenes).
 I did not receive proper gynecological care
(if applicable).
 A
dults made sexual innuendos and jokes
in front of me.
 N
udity was common in my home.
 N
o one taught me about my reproductive
parts, sex, or sexuality.
 T
he adults in my home were overtly sexual
with one another in front of me.
 M
y parent was openly promiscuous.
 I was sexually abused by someone in my
home.
 A
dults expressed overtly discriminatory or
phobic views around gender and sexuality
around me.