BEATLES MUSICAL
SCENE 1
GEORGE: Maybe-Maybe! I don't want any maybe! We've got to find that money!
UNC. BILLY: I'm no good to you, George. I...
GEORGE: Uncle Billy, do you... Listen to me. Do you have any secret hiding places?
UNC. BILLY: I..
GEORGE: Listen to me, listen to me! Think! Think!
UNC. BILLY: I can't think anymore, George. I can't think anymore. It hurts…
GEORGE: Where's that money, you silly, stupid old fool?! Where's that money? Do you
realize what this means?
It means bankruptcy, and scandal, and prison! Somebody is going to prison, and it’s not
going to be me.
UNC. BILLY: I didn’t mean for this, George… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry...
GEORGE: God… Oh, God… Dear Father in Heaven, I'm not a praying man, but if
you're up there, and you can hear me, show me the way.
I'm at the end of my rope, I… Show me the way, God. I need help, dear Lord. I don't
know where to turn. Won't you please, please help me?
SONG - HELP
I need somebody
(Help) not just anybody
(Help) you know I need someone, help
When I was younger, so much younger than today
(I never need) I never needed anybody's help in any way
(Now) but now these days are gone (these days are gone)
I'm not so self assured
(And now I find) now I find I've changed my mind
And opened up the doors
Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being 'round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me
And now my life has changed in oh so many ways
(My independ-) my independence seems to vanish in the haze
(But) but every now and then (now and then)
I feel so insecure
(I know that I) I know that I just need you like
I've never done before
Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being 'round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me
When I was younger, so much younger than today
I never needed anybody's help in any way
(Now) but now these days are gone (these days are gone)
I'm not so self assured
(And now I find) now I find I've changed my mind
And opened up the doors
Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being 'round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, ooh
SCENE 2
BEN: Liz, is that you? Liz?
LIZ: I’m not hurting nothing!
BEN: It's Ben. What happened to you?
LIZ: Go screw yourself and leave me alone.
BEN: Liz?
LIZ: I’m not Liz - get lost.
BEN: Liz?
LIZ: I said to get lost. I am not Liz. You have the wrong person. I have a right to be
here. I have a ticket, and I have a right to be here. Leave me alone.
BEN: OK. OK. Is there something I can do to help?
LIZ: Help with what? Oh yeah, give me some money.
BEN: I would be glad to if you’ll come back to Harrisburg.
LIZ: Emphatically get lost!
BEN: I don’t want to give you money to make your situation worse. You know you’ve
made bad choices, and I’m just trying to be careful.
LIZ: Get freaking lost! gets up and moves herself on your bench with the precious
number. Prep precious parts of her baggage scours. I am going to Kansas, not with you.
I have a ticket, I have a right to be here.
BEN: Of course you do. I was just hoping I could help you.
LIZ: You can help me, give me some money.
BEN: I don’t have any money, but I can get some back home.
LIZ: You do have money.
BEN: No I really don’t. I’m not carrying any cash.
LIZ: You have money, go get money.
BEN: I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to give you cash.
LIZ: Then get lost, get lost, get lost!
BEN: I can give you this camera, would you like it?
LIZ: What, a cheap crappy camera?
BEN: No, this is a really nice camera. I got it for my birthday from my dad, you could –
you could sell it when you get to where you’re going.
LIZ: I’m going to Kansas, and in Kansas they have horses, and lots of space, and no
asshole people to bother me.
Ben sits on the bench away from Liz, Ben is not sure whether Liz is having a psychotic
episode or is just really angry with her
Full minute of awkward silence
BEN: quietly but direct. Are you so angry with me? If you get on that bus nothing good
will come of it.
LIZ: Are you going to give me that camera?
BEN: Yes, here (gives camera)
LIZ: I’m not going to say thank you because I was going to steal it, anyway.
BEN: You were?
LIZ: As soon as you fell asleep or left it for one minute.
BEN: Then it all worked out. *pause* I’m sorry if I hurt you. I got scared. It was so weird
with Katie being there. She obviously loved you.
LIZ: Stop, stop, stop it. Go away. I have a right to be here. I've got a ticket for this here
bus. DO YOU HAVE A TICKET?
BEN: Not yet
LIZ: Then get lost.
BEN: You scared me by insisting on a minute by minute report of my whereabouts. It
got so weird, I had to go away and think for a minute.
LIZ: Liz stands and stares for a minute. What are you talking about? You need help!
Please leave me alone.
Sound of bus arriving and an announcement for Witchitah, KS.
ANNOUNCEMENT: Trailways bus to Wichita, Kansas, ready to board, gate 15,
departing in 15 minutes.
Liz packs up
BEN: Liz don’t. This is a bad choice
LIZ: Hey camera lady I’ve got a ticket to ride this bus all the way to KANSAS! Beautiful
Kansas where life is good!
BEN: What will you do for money?
LIZ: Same as I have been. Use your imagination
BEN: Oh Liz please what can I say to stop this.
LIZ: Thanks for the camera, that’s a couple of meals.
Liz exits. Bus is heard leaving. Meg enters
MEG: Did you find her
BEN: Yeah , she was here
MEG: Are you alright
BEN: She did have a ticket and she didn't care about me, at all.
MEG: She’ll be back when things get ugly
BEN: I hope it’s not too late…
MEG: She’ll be fine, she’s tough.
BEN: Yeah, I think she’s really crazy.
MEG: Kind of romantic how she just rode off into the sunset.
BEN: She should have come back - come back with me.
MEG: Come on, let’s go.
SONG - TICKET TO RIDE
I think I'm gonna be sad, I think it's today, yeah!
The girl that's driving me mad is going away
She's got a ticket to ride
She's got a ticket to ride
She's got a ticket to ride, but she don't care
She said that living with me is bringing her down, yeah!
She would never be free when I was around
She's got a ticket to ride
She's got a ticket to ride
She's got a ticket to ride, but she don't care
I don't know why she's riding so high
She ought to think twice, she ought to do right by me
Before she gets to saying goodbye
She ought to think twice, she ought to do right by me
I think I'm going to be sad, I think it's today, yeah!
The girl that's driving me mad is going away, yeah!
Oh, she's got a ticket to ride
She's got a ticket to ride
She's got a ticket to ride, but she don't care
I don't know why she's riding so high
She ought to think twice, she ought to do right by me
Before she gets to saying goodbye
She ought to think twice, she ought to do right by me
She said that living with me was bringing her down, yeah!
For she would never be free when I was around
Oh, she's got a ticket to ride
She's got a ticket to ride
She's got a ticket to ride, but she don't care
My baby don't care
My baby don't care
My baby don't care
My baby don't care
My baby don't care
My baby don't care
SCENE 3
ROMEO: He jests at scars that never felt a wound.
Enter Juliet above.
But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the East, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief
That thou, her maid, art far more fair than she.
Be not her maid since she is envious.
Her vestal livery is but sick and green,
And none but fools do wear it. Cast it off.
It is my lady. O, it is my love!
O, that she knew she were!
She speaks, yet she says nothing. What of that?
Her eye discourses; I will answer it.
I am too bold. ’Tis not to me she speaks.
Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,
Having some business, ⌜do⌝ entreat her eyes
To twinkle in their spheres till they return.
What if her eyes were there, there in her head?
The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars
As daylight doth a lamp; her eye in heaven
Would through the airy region stream so bright
That birds would sing and think it were not night.
See how she leans her cheek upon her hand.
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!
JULIET: Ay me.
ROMEO: She speaks.
O, speak again, bright angel, for thou art
As glorious to this night, being o’er my head,
As is a wingèd messenger of heaven
Unto the white-upturnèd wond’ring eyes
Of mortals that fall back to gaze on him
When he bestrides the lazy puffing clouds
And sails upon the bosom of the air.
JULIET: O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name,
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
And I’ll no longer be a Capulet.
ROMEO: Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?
She calls me. Yes, She calls me back again.
JULIET: ’Tis but thy name that is my enemy.
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What’s Montague? It is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face. O, be some other name
Belonging to a man.
What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet.
ROMEO: I have seen a face, oh wow!
Yes, such a face as I have never known
JULIET: Romeo Romeo, oh Romeo
ROMEO: She calls me. Listen, she calls to me.
JULIET: Romeo Romeo Oh, Romeo
Oh I have just seen a face full of light
And I am fallin, yes I am fallin’
ROMEO: And she keeps calling me back again.
SONG - I'VE JUST SEEN A FACE
ROMEO: I've just seen a face
I can't forget the time or place
Where we just met
She's just the girl for me
And I want all the world to see
We've met, mm-mm-mm-m'mm-mm
ROMEO: Had it been another day
I might have looked the other way
And I'd have never been aware
But as it is I'll dream of her
Tonight, di-di-di-di'n'di
ROMEO: Fallin', yes, I am fallin'
And she keeps callin'
Me back again
ROMEO: I have never known
The like of this, I've been alone
And I have missed things
And kept out of sight
But other girls were never quite
Like this, di-di-di-di'n'di
ROMEO: Fallin', yes, I am fallin'
And she keeps callin'
Me back again
ROMEO: Fallin', yes, I am fallin'
And she keeps callin'
Me back again
ROMEO: I've just seen a face
I can't forget the time or place
Where we just met
She's just the girl for me
And I want all the world to see
We've met, mm-mm-mm-di-di-di
ROMEO: Fallin', yes, I am fallin'
And she keeps callin'
Me back again.
JULIET: Fallin’ yes I am fallin’, and he keeps callin’ me back again.
BOTH: Fallin’ yes I am fallin’, and we keep callin’ each other back again.
SCENE 4
HENRY: l've grown accustomed to her face, she almost makes the day begin. l've
grown accustomed to the tune, that she whistles night and noon.
Her smiles, her frowns, her ups, her downs, are second nature to me now. Like
breathing out and breathing in. l was serenely independent and content before we met.
Surely I could always be that way again.
And yet I've grown accustomed to her looks, accustomed to her voice, accustomed to
her face. Marry Freddy. What an infantile idea. What a heartless, wicked, brainless thing
to do. But she'll regret it. She'll regret it. It's doomed before they even take the vow!
l can see her now, Mrs. Freddy Eynsford-Hill, in a wretched little flat above a store. l can
see her now, not a penny in the till, and a bill collector beating at the door.
She'll try to teach the things I taught her, and end up selling flowers instead. She'll come
home and lo, he'll have upped and run away.
Poor Eliza. How simply frightful. How humiliating. How delightful. How poignant it will be
on that inevitable night, when she hammers on my door in tears and rags. Miserable
and lonely, repentant and contrite.
Will I take her in, or hurl her to the wolves? Give her kindness, or the treatment she
deserves. Will I take her back, or throw the baggage out?
Well, I'm a most forgiving man. The sort who never could, ever would. lf she were
crawling on her knees, take a position, and staunchly never budge. A most forgiving
man. Marry Freddy.
But I’ve grown accustomed to her joys, her woes. Her highs, her lows are second nature
to me now. Like breathing out and breathing in.
l'm very grateful she's a woman, and so easy to forget. Rather like a habit one can
always break.
And yet I've grown accustomed to the trace of something in the air. Accustomed to her
face.
ELIZA: Oh, we are proud. He ain't above givin' lessons, not 'im. I 'eard 'im say so. I ain't
come here to ask for any compliment… and if my money's not good enough, I can go
elsewhere.
HENRY: Good enough for what?
ELIZA: Good enough for you. Now you know, don't ya? I've come to 'ave lessons. And
to pay for 'em, too...
HENRY: What do you want, my girl?
ELIZA: I want to be a lady in a flow'r shop, 'stead o' sellin'... at the corner of Tottenham
Court Road. But they won't take me unless I can talk more genteel. He said he could
teach me. Well, 'ere I am ready to pay. Not askin'. I know what lessons cost as well as
you do, and I'm ready to pay. I won't give more than a shillin'. Take it or leave it.
HENRY: It's almost irresistible. She's so deliciously low. So horribly dirty. I'll take it. I'll
make a duchess of this draggle-tailed guttersnipe.
ELIZA: I washed my face and 'ands before I come, I did.
HENRY: Okay, let's begin where we left off yesterday
HENRY: The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain
ELIZA: The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain
SONG - YESTERDAY
BOTH: Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away.
Now it looks as though they're here to stay.
Oh, I believe in yesterday.
HENRY: Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be.
There's a shadow hanging over me.
Oh, yesterday came suddenly.
HENRY: Why she had to go?
I don't know, she wouldn't say.
I said something wrong.
Now I long for yesterday.
ELIZA: Yesterday love was such an easy game to play.
Now I need a place to hide away.
Oh, I believe in yesterday.
ELIZA: Why I had to go?
I don't know, I wouldn't say.
I said something wrong.
Now I long for yesterday.
BOTH: Yesterday love was such an easy game to play.
Now I need a place to hide away.
Oh, I believe in yesterday.
BOTH: Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm.
FINAL SCENE
MOTHER: Margaret! Pause
MOTHER: Margaret! Pause
MOTHER: Marrr-gareeeet!
MARGARET: Yes, Mother, what is it?
MOTHER: What the hell took ya so damn long?
MARGARET: I'm... I'm sorry, Mother. I came as quick as I could. I was washing ya bed
sheets downstairs.
MOTHER: Bed sheets? What d'ya mean bed sheets? What other kinda sheets are
there, idiot?
MARGARET: Well, I...anyway...it's hard to hear with all the noise of the machines an'
the water an' what-not.
MOTHER: Stop ya blatherin' girl. I don't wanna hear ya problems or excuses - they're
always the same.
MARGARET: But it's the truth, Mother. Them machines are old an' they make such a
noise ya can hardly hear yourself think.
MOTHER: Well, I can't see as how that would cause ya too much of an inconvenience.
Not like there's much goin' on up there to begin with, is there?
MARGARET: Defensively. Yes. Yes, there is, Mother. I've a good mind, I know I do. I
just...never had the opportunity, that's all.
MOTHER: For what?
MARGARET: An education. A proper education. Ever since ya problems started, I've
had to
MOTHER: Oh, so now I'm the reason ya stupid?
MARGARET: No, it's not...I'm not saying that, of course not. It's just... if I'd had the
chance, I think I could've...well...I think I could've done quite well.
MOTHER: Ya got no skills, girl - 'cept lookin after me - an the sooner off ya realize that,
the better off we'll all be.
MARGARET: I know I'm not stupid, Mother. I know I'm not. I don't have no certificates
or fancy embossed papers sayin otherwise, but I know I'm not stupid.
MOTHER: Well...as long as you believe it, honey, I guess that's all that matters. Now, if
ya wouldn't mind switchin them thoughts in that tiny little mind o' yours to start thinkin
'bout me for just a second or two here, I'd greatly appreciate it. For Christ's sake, I'm the
one dyin here!
MARGARET: I'm sorry, Mother. I-I got a bit carried away, I guess. What is it ya need? Is
it a drink? Ya want me to fix ya another drink?
MOTHER: No! No, I don't want another damn drink! Is that what you want? Ya wanna
poison ma liver an' keep pushin me a little closer to the grave? Is that it?
MARGARET: No, Mother, I-
MOTHER: When I wanna 'nother damn drink you'll damn well know it!
MARGARET: Of course, Mother. Is it ya pills, mother? Can I fetch ya pills for ya?
MOTHER: Oh yeah, you'd just love that, wouldn't ya? Fetch Mama some more pills so
ya can knock her out for another couple of hours. Well, guess what? It ain't gonna
happen this time, sweetheart.
MARGARET: Mother, all I was trying to do was-
MOTHER: Don't tell me what you was tryin to do! I know all your little schemin' ways an'
tricks, an' don't ever think I don't. Thing of it is, though...none of it matters no more.
Cause I want out.
MARGARET: Out?
MOTHER: You heard right, missy - out!
MARGARET: You...ya wanna go outside for a bit? Ya wanna get some air? Gesturing
to help her. If ya grab your stick an' put your arm 'round ma shoulders, I'm sure maybe
we can-
MOTHER: Get away from me, girl!
MARGARET: But I...I thought ya-
MOTHER: I don't mean outta this house! I mean outta this god-damned, lousy,
miserable play!
MARGARET: Aghast. Mother! How...how can you say such a thing?
MOTHER: 'Cause I gotta mouth an' I can make it say stuff, that's how. An' I've had it!
I'm up to here with it. An' I want out!
MARGARET: You don't mean this, Mother, I know ya don't. You're just tired is all.
MOTHER: Ya got that right - tired o' this miserable, stinkin family. Tired of all its damn
problems. Tired of sittin in this chair night after night spittin ma bile an' bitterness at
anyone in sight.
MARGARET: But...but ya can't just up an' leave, Mother. You're the center of the
family. What on earth would we all do with you gone?
MOTHER: Well, I guess you an' all the rest o' this sorry, messed up clan are gonna
have to start figurin stuff out for yourselves, aren't ya?
MARGARET: I-I just don't understand. What's brought all this on so sudden?
MOTHER: Ain't nothin sudden about it. Been a long time comin. I guess I just reached
that point where enough's enough.
MARGARET: Are ya...are ya not happy here, Mother?
MOTHER: Well, now...why don't ya just reflect a while on that there question ya just
posed to me, young Margaret, an' I've a feelin you'll have your answer in no time at
all...bein so' smart an' all.
MARGARET: I know it ain't all fun an' games, but we-
MOTHER: No, it ain't! It's nothin but a bunch of unfulfilled lives simmerin with
resentment, day in an' day out. An' that's what I want - out!
MARGARET: But why now?
MOTHER: While I still got some life in me, that's why now. I'm old, alcoholic, addicted to
prescription drugs, an' this soul-destroyin, downer of a plays suckin the life out of me.
MARGARET: But where would ya go? What would ya do?
MOTHER: I'll find myself somethin better, that's what. A musical, maybe. Somethin
where everyone's singin an' dancing an' havin a good time of it.
MARGARET: A...a musical? But that's fluff, Mother. It ain't nothin. Why would ya wanna
be in somethin like that?
MOTHER: So I could enjoy myself, stupid. So I wouldn't have to sit around here starin
at your long, loveless face six nights a week, plus matinees.
MARGARET: But surely you're too...
MOTHER: Too what? Old?
Cell phone rings, Marg. answers
MARGARET: Hello… Yes, she's right here. It's for you! It’s your agent!
MOTHER: Hi Rob, what's up? What? Really. Do they want to read me? Really... Just
based on... Okay, no, that won't be necessary. I'll go over in about an hour. Okay.
Thanks, Rob, you're the best.
MARGARET: What was that? Sounded good.
MOTHER: LA wants me for a part in a musical. Wow, that happened fast.
MARGARET: What part? Where? Who? Details!
MOTHER: A part so perfect, I don't even have to read it. All I know is that it starts out
about a mother who’s depressed, sad and lonely. So Rob said all I gotta do is act
naturally! Be myself!
MARGARET: Sad and lonely?
MOTHER: Yeah, at first, but things change. Then it becomes happy, and everybody
joins in for a happy ending!
FINAL SONG - ACT NATURALLY
They're gonna put me in the movies
They're gonna make a big star out of me
We'll make a film about a man that's sad and lonely
And all I gotta do is act naturally
Well, I'll bet you I'ma gonna be a big star
Might win an Oscar you can't never tell
The movie's gonna make me a big star
'Cause I can play the part so well
Well, I hope you come to see me in the movie
Then I know that you will plainly see
The biggest fool that's ever hit the big time
And all I gotta do is act naturally
We'll make a scene about a man that's sad and lonely
And begging down upon his bended knee
I'll play the part but I won't need rehearsin'
All I'll have to do is act naturally
Well, I'll bet you I'ma gonna be a big star
Might win an Oscar you can't never tell
The movie's gonna make me a big star
'Cause I can play the part so well
Well, I hope you come to see me in the movie
Then I'll know that you will plainly see
The biggest fool that's ever hit the big time
And all I gotta do is act naturally