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Why Is Talking to People
So Hard & 57 Secrets to
Talk to Anyone & Charm
Them
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Communication skills are very
important in everyday life. So, that’s
why you need to know how to talk to
anyone regardless of where and when.
Table of Contents
 (#)
There are some people out there who just have the
knack when it comes to how to talk to people. They
don’t feel uncomfortable, they exude confidence, and
they apparently always know what to say. If you’re one
of those people, well done, you!
But if you’re here reading this feature, that’s probably not
you. Throughout your life, you have probably struggled
with understanding how to talk to people without feeling
embarrassment wash over you.
What if you say the wrong thing or freeze and nothing
comes out? What if you blush and can’t get your words
out?
The way you feel might be similar to you standing up in
front of a room full of people and delivering a speech,
not holding a simple conversation with one or two
people!
However, you’re not the only one. Many people admit
that they struggle with knowing how to talk to people
and that they often feel shy or worried when they have
to speak to someone they’ve never met. [Read: How to
be classy with 20 classy people traits that command
respect (https://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/betterlife/how-to-be-classy)]
The good news is that you can learn how to talk to
people without going through any drama; all it takes is a
little work.
Why is it important to know how to talk
to anyone?
Knowing how to talk to anyone is an important life skill
to have. It is useful not only in social situations but also
for your career and relationships.
A person who is confident to approach another person
and initiate a conversation will have an edge in
establishing a network for their career. It also makes a
good impression in friendly or even romantic situations.
[Read: How to make people like you: 35 tips to charm
absolutely anyone (https://www.lovepanky.com/mylife/relationships/how-to-make-people-like-you)]
Communication is the glue that holds people – and the
world – together. When people can’t communicate well,
then problems inevitably arise.
Unfortunately, no one was taught in school how to be a
good communicator *unless you were lucky enough to
have a college class on the topic*. So, most people are
on their own when it comes to being a good
communicator and knowing how to talk to anyone.
But the good news is that it is a skill that can be learned!
And we have all the tips you need. [Read: How to make a
good first impression with anyone you meet
(https://www.lovepanky.com/flirting-flings/getflirty/how-to-make-a-good-first-impression)]
Why is talking to new people hard?
For some people, talking to strangers is very easy. But
for others, it’s borderline excruciating. So, why is it so
difficult for some to talk to new people? Here are some
of the top reasons.
1. Unfamiliarity
Let’s face it – most people get stuck in their comfort
zones for a reason. And that’s because it feels good and
familiar.
Most people don’t like uncertain situations because it
makes them feel uncomfortable. As a result, many
people might just avoid it as much as possible. [Read:
Conversation starters when talking to strangers
(https://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/work-andoffice/conversation-starters-when-talking-to-strangers)]
2. Lacking small talk skills
Some people hate small talk. It could be because they
find talking about the weather and similar topics to be
very boring.
Or it could be because they would much rather hold a
deep intellectual conversation, and therefore, small talk
is “painful” for them.
3. Shyness or anxiety
If you are very shy or have social anxiety *or any kind of
anxiety, in general* then this could also be at the core of
why you find it difficult to talk to new people.
You don’t know how to come out of your shell, and it
makes you overly anxious. [Read: 26 social mind tricks
to be more outgoing, friendly, and talkative instantly
(https://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/reflections/how-tobe-more-outgoing)]
4. It drains your energy
Extroverts get a rush of energy by being around other
people. They love it! But most introverts get drained by
being with a group.
They prefer to be alone because that’s how they
recharge. So, because you feel like other people are like
“energy vampires,” you tend to avoid new people, so you
don’t have to feel that way.
5. Fear of rejection
No one likes to be rejected. We all want to be liked,
loved, accepted, and included in social settings. [Read:
Fear of rejection – 56 signs, causes and ways to
overcome and get over it
(https://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/better-life/how-tobeat-fear-of-rejection)]
So, someone who doesn’t have a lot of self-confidence
might fear being rejected by other people. Everyone has
this fear to some degree, but others feel it to the
extreme.
6. It’s a new environment
If someone just moved or started at a new school or job,
that can fuel a lot of social anxiety. They don’t know the
“rules” or how everything operates.
So, these unknowns in a new environment can make it
more difficult for some people to talk to strangers
because it makes them uncomfortable. [Read: How to
make small talk and talk to anyone without feeling
awkward (https://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/workand-office/how-to-make-small-talk-without-feelingawkward)]
7. You don’t like people
Hey, some people just don’t like people! They might find
them irritating, selfish, or disgusting.
And if that’s so, then they just might try to avoid as
many social situations as they can. So, when they are
thrown into a situation where they have to talk to people,
they despise it because they really don’t want to be
there.
What makes someone a good
communicator?
What makes someone able to talk to people without
feeling worried and without misunderstanding? [Read:
16 steps to communicate better in a relationship and
how to fix a lack of it (https://www.lovepanky.com/mylife/relationships/how-to-communicate-in-arelationship)]
Basically, it comes down to being a good
communicator. A good communicator does the
following things:
1. Makes eye contact
Learning how to talk to people is made far easier when
you’re able to make eye contact and show the other
person that you’re engaged in the conversation.
If your eyes are darting all over the place, it means
you’re uncomfortable, and they’re going to notice
it. [Read: Prolonged eye contact when flirting – what it
means and how to do it
(https://www.lovepanky.com/flirting-flings/getflirty/prolonged-eye-contact)]
2. Listens – like, really listens
You might think that listening is just about hearing the
words, but it’s actually about far more than that.
When learning how to talk to people, you also need to
listen. It’s an extremely underrated communication skill!
[Read: How to listen and learn to speak clearly and be
great at conversations (https://www.lovepanky.com/mylife/better-life/how-to-speak-clearly)]
3. Doesn’t interrupt and allows the other
person to speak
Interrupting is a huge no, no. The other person will
become frustrated, and the conversation won’t flow.
Make sure that you give the other person enough time
to say what they need to say, and don’t ‘butt in’ with
what you think they want to say.
4. Picks up on body language and other nonverbal cues
Part of listening is also about watching for body
language and reading it accurately. Learning how to talk
to people means understanding what their body
language is telling you, even if it’s different from what
their words are saying. [Read: Subtle body language
moves to appear more confident
(https://www.lovepanky.com/flirting-flings/getflirty/body-language-moves-to-appear-more-confident)]
Sometimes people tell you one thing but mean another.
Reading body language will let you unearth the truth.
5. Knows when to stop speaking
When you’re feeling nervous, it’s easy to overtalk.
You’ll just keep going over the same topic and talking
too much, causing the other person to become bored
and start thinking about how they can end the
conversation and make a run for it. Know when to stop!
[Read: Are you an attention seeker and just can’t see it?
(https://www.lovepanky.com/mylife/reflections/attention-seeker)]
6. Disarms the other person with
friendliness
A good communicator knows that a friendly attitude
always wins out. Smile, make eye contact, nod along
when the other person is speaking, and generally be
empathetic and open-minded.
This will help them to open up to you and allow you to
communicate better.
7. Explains their point clearly and concisely
Get to the point. If you go on and on about something
but never actually make the point you’re trying to make,
you’re going to frustrate the other person, and all of this
could lead to misunderstanding.
Whatever you need to say, say it, then let the
conversation flow from there. [Read: How to talk to
anyone and master the art of a real conversationalist
(https://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/better-life/how-totalk-to-anyone)]
8. Asks questions
Learning how to talk to people is a two-way thing, and it
means helping the other person to communicate
effectively too. Asking questions is a great way to do
that.
Avoid questions that are closed, e.g., they require ‘yes’
or ‘no’ answers, and instead opt for questions that
require a bit more detail upon answering.
9. They’re completely themselves
A person who really knows how to talk to people
appears so effortless because they’re comfortable
within themselves. When you’re not being yourself,
communication is ten times harder. [Read: Sense of self
– How to raise it and feel like a million bucks!
(https://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/better-life/raisesense-of-self)]
How to talk to anyone without losing
your cool
To acquire good conversation skills, you need to learn
how to overcome the fear of making the approach and
deal with the anxiety of socializing. It may be a difficult
and unnerving process at the start.
But with the right frame of mind and some practice,
anyone can easily learn how to talk to anyone.
Learning how to talk to people takes practice. You’re
going to have a few false starts to begin with, but that’s
okay! [Read: How to decipher between social anxiety
and shyness (https://www.lovepanky.com/mylife/better-life/social-anxiety-vs-shyness)]
At least you’re trying, and that means you’re also
making progress. To help you carry on in your journey,
let’s look at a few tips you should try when you’re
learning how to talk to people.
1. Always keep yourself presentable
Keeping yourself presentable at all times eliminates
self-consciousness. If made into a habit, this will
physically prepare you at all times. It will give you that
needed boost of confidence to approach anyone easily.
Being presentable doesn’t mean you have to be dressed
to kill most of the time. Even with casual clothes worn in
the appropriate manner, you can manage to be
presentable for a conversation. [Read: Social anxiety to
social butterfly – How to be less awkward
(https://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/better-life/socialanxiety-how-to-be-less-awkward)]
2. Observe proper grooming
Having a conversation with an unkempt and filthy
person makes people uneasy. Always ensure that you
practice basic hygiene and have your hair fixed.
3. Mind your posture
People can tell a lot about your personality just by
observing your posture. Standing up straight and
keeping your head and shoulders upright exudes
confidence which will make people more responsive to
you if you start a conversation with them.
4. Smile
Needless to say, starting a conversation with a smile
breaks social barriers and initial stranger apprehension.
Smiling doesn’t only make you friendlier but also
increases your physical attractiveness. [Read: 16 easy
hacks to loosen up and live life
(https://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/relationships/howto-avoid-being-socially-awkward)]
5. Practice your conversation starter in front
of a mirror
Learning how to talk to anyone can be easily achieved
by practice. If you’re uncomfortable to start talking to
strangers, practice alone in front of a mirror.
From there, observe what your approach looks like from
the perspective of the person you’re talking to. This
gives you the chance to alter and improve your style of
approach without any social embarrassment.
Note your facial expressions too. Do you start off with a
smile, an expressionless face, or with a frown?
Remember that smiling helps. [Read: How to stop being
shy – 20 ways to kick your shyness to the curb
(https://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/better-life/how-tostop-being-shy)]
6. Keep yourself at a friendly distance
Approaching too close can be uncomfortable, especially
with strangers, while being too far will make it difficult
for the other person to hear what you’re saying.
The suggested “friendly” distance is enough for you to
offer a handshake without having to lean further in.
7. Always maintain eye contact
Eye contact is important as it shows respect and that
you’re giving them your full attention when they’re
speaking.
Plus, the ability to maintain eye contact during a
conversation is a sign of confidence and sincerity.
[Read: Very subtle body language moves that’ll make
you appear way more confident
(https://www.lovepanky.com/flirting-flings/getflirty/body-language-moves-to-appear-more-confident)]
8. Use hand or body gestures
Gestures can enhance the quality of your conversation
by helping you give emphasis to your piece while also
adding that signature flair to your overall appearance.
With appropriate gestures, others will pay more
attention to what you’re saying, and they’ll even
convince them to agree with your point.
9. Try relaxation exercises prior to starting a
conversation
Being in a relaxed state prior to talking to another
person is important. It allows you to speak clearly and
gather your thoughts and confidence. [Read: Easy
mantras that can transform your life
(https://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/betterlife/mantras-to-live-by)]
For good measure, try some simple relaxation exercises
prior to opening the conversation.
Take deep breaths. Deep breaths stabilize your heart
rate and give you time to prepare before you head into
the fray.
10. Swallow and clear your throat
Remember the last time when you attempted to speak,
and your voice sounded broken and off-pitch?
Swallowing and clearing your throat prior to speaking
helps avoid that. [Read: How to overcome shyness – 16
quick fixes to transform your life
(https://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/betterlife/overcome-shyness)]
12. Use the appropriate opening line
Your opening sentence can make or break the
conversation.
That’s why it is important to know the different ways to
start a conversation and the different situations to use
each conversation starter.
A great tip is to use the environment to your
advantage. [Read: 25 great conversation starters that’ll
work no matter where you are
(https://www.lovepanky.com/flirting-flings/datinggame/good-conversation-starters)]
For example, if you’re talking to someone attending the
same concert, start the conversation with a comment
on the performance.
If you find yourself in an exhibit, then use any of the art
pieces as the topic of your conversation. Your
surroundings can give you an endless number of topics
useful in starting a conversation.
13. Ask an open-ended question
Questions are fool-proof conversation starters as the
rules of social etiquette dictate that it is polite to
respond to a person when asked. Open-ended
questions, in particular, keep the conversation going.
[Read: 40 open-ended, serious questions to ask a girl to
get her to open up
(https://www.lovepanky.com/men/guy-talk/questionsto-ask-her-to-show-your-sensitive-side)]
14. Start with an acceptable compliment
An exaggerated compliment may sound insincere. Opt
for an acceptable compliment.
Keep an eye out for unique features such as tattoos,
ornaments, or personal items which will be good topics
for a conversation starter.
15. Learn the proper way to keep a
conversation going
If you’ve managed to master the art of starting a
conversation, the next hurdle is learning how to keep it
going. [Read: How to instantly fit in with funny
conversation starters (https://www.lovepanky.com/mylife/relationships/funny-conversation-starters)]
In their natural course, conversations keep on going if
the speakers find the topic engaging and the person
they’re speaking to interesting and entertaining.
16. Do not linger on small talk
One of the keys to understanding how to talk to anyone
is that small talk is good, but for starters. If you linger
too much on inane lines of inquiry, expect the
conversation to be cut short.
17. Keep the conversation neutral as much
as possible
Ideal conversations should be something neutral and
not about yourself. [Read: 45 happy ways to keep a
conversation going and be a lot of fun to talk to
(https://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/work-andoffice/how-to-keep-a-conversation-going)]
A person making themselves the topic of conversation
can be perceived as arrogant and narcissistic, which put
the other person off and cut the conversation short.
18. Change topics when you’re nearing an
awkward silence
Maintaining a conversation is just a rinse-and-repeat
process. If you feel you’re beginning to exhaust the
topic, break out a new topic and ask the other person a
question.
19. Note proper etiquette in conversations
Knowing proper etiquette in a conversation allows it to
flow smoothly and makes it a more enjoyable
experience. Plus, it prevents you from accidentally
upsetting the other person. [Read: Proper social
etiquette – 12 rules that redefine modern manners
(https://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/reflections/propersocial-etiquette)]
With proper conversation etiquette, you establish
yourself as someone respectful and considerate of the
person you’re talking to.
20. Don’t forget to introduce yourself
People tend to forget that it is polite to introduce
yourself to the person they’re talking to before making
further conversation. You may choose to do this at the
beginning of the conversation or right after your opening
line.
However you decide to do it, make it a point that you
never end the conversation without exchanging names
with the other person. [Read: How to introduce yourself
and make a great impression
(https://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/work-andoffice/how-to-introduce-yourself)]
21. Listen intently when the person is
talking
A conversation is a two-way street. So, you have to
listen intently when the other person is speaking.
Listening intently shows respect and also helps you to
get ideas on how to keep the conversation going.
Active listening means letting the other person know
that you’re listening and taking in more than just their
words. [Read: Golden rules that will help you become a
better person (https://www.lovepanky.com/mylife/better-life/how-to-become-a-better-person)]
Nod along to their words, make agreeable noises, such
as “uh-huh,” “hmm,” and “ah,” and watch their body
language.
This will tell you everything you need to know and let
them know that you’re truly interested in what they have
to say. Learning how to talk to people is as much about
listening as actually talking.
22. Avoid interrupting the other person
Interrupting a person in the middle of a sentence is very
rude, even more than inattention. Avoid this in a
conversation, and it will go on without any issues. [Read:
19 ways to be a much better listener in a relationship
and read their mind (https://www.lovepanky.com/lovecouch/better-love/ways-to-be-a-better-listener-in-yourrelationship)]
23. Avoid making assumptions and
judgments about the other person
Jumping to conclusions, making assumptions, and
judging remarks are red flags that must be avoided
when talking to anyone.
A single offhanded comment may offend the person
you’re speaking to. In turn, it may cut the conversation
short on an unpleasant note.
24. Avoid “one-upping” the other person
Keep the conversation light. Don’t make it a bragging
show of who’s better than the other. Even if the person
you’re speaking to falls within that category, just listen
to them. Don’t attempt to one-up them. [Read: How to
stop being selfish – 20 ways to stop hurting and using
others (https://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/betterlife/how-to-stop-being-selfish)]
25. Apologize if necessary
There will be moments where you’ll get carried away
and mention something off-putting or even borderline
offensive. If that happens, it won’t hurt to apologize.
Simply explain that you didn’t mean to make such a
statement.
26. Take note of sensitive topics in
conversations
Religion, politics, and sexuality are just some of the
topics to avoid in polite conversation.
Since these topics can elicit different opinions from
different people, there will be a chance that a
conversation on these topics will end up as a heated
debate. [Read: How to keep a conversation going with
the opposite sex without making things awkward
(https://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/work-andoffice/how-to-keep-a-conversation-going)]
27. Be aware of the current mood of the
conversation
Always make it a point to get a feel of the mood of the
conversation. There will be times when conversations
may get too serious, depressing, or even distasteful.
There’s a risk of the conversation becoming
uncomfortable. But if you’re sensitive enough to
anticipate the conversation souring, you can lighten the
mood. Try and divert the topic to a different course.
28. Know how to end the conversation
politely
Just as you made a good start, conversations need a
proper end. Excusing yourself promptly for some reason
is impolite, especially if you started the conversation in
the first place. [Read: 25 ways to make anyone like you
(https://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/better-life/how-tomake-someone-like-you)]
A polite ending is waiting for the right moment and
letting the person you’re speaking to initiate the end of
the conversation.
29. Thank the person for their time and
attention
Always appreciate the time and attention given to you
by the person you talked to. Even if the conversation
was short or uneventful, thanking the other person gives
you an image of courtesy and social adeptness.
30. Keep your body language relaxed
Being able to read body language is one thing, but you
should make sure that your own body language is
relaxed too. [Read: How to be charming and be liked by
everyone you talk to (https://www.lovepanky.com/mylife/better-life/how-to-be-charming-and-liked)]
Avoid crossing your arms over your body or crossing
your legs if you’re sitting. Make eye contact, avoid
fidgeting, and keep your posture relaxed without
slouching or being too rigid.
31. Understand non-verbal and verbal cues
If a person is speaking fast, do you know what it
means? If they’re mumbling, what does that tell you?
What about a lack of eye contact or facial expressions?
Take the time to understand verbal and non-verbal cues
in order to better understand how the other person is
feeling. [Read: 15 harmless questions to ask to get to
know someone really well
(https://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/betterlife/questions-to-ask-to-get-to-know-someone)]
Learning how to talk to people involves a lot of empathy,
and that means appreciating how the other person is
feeling.
32. Don’t rush to fill a silence
Conversations rarely bat back and forth without a break.
If you have a notable silence in a conversation, don’t
panic and rush to fill it. This makes you appear
unrelaxed and doesn’t help the conversation to begin
flowing again.
Sometimes, a few seconds or a minute of silence is a
good thing! Also, remember that the other person has a
responsibility to keep the conversation flowing just as
much as you do! [Read: How to make an amazing first
impression and impress everyone you meet
(https://www.lovepanky.com/flirting-flings/getflirty/how-to-make-a-good-first-impression)]
33. If silence becomes awkward,
acknowledge it as so!
However, if a silence goes on for longer than a minute or
so and becomes awkward, the single best way to
overcome it is to say something like, “so, this is a little
awkward,” and laugh about it!
The other person is probably feeling exactly the same
way and will instantly relax when you call it out.
Awkward silences often happen when there is a lot of
tension, and this method will cut through that in an
instant. [Read: How to be funny and make people love
your company (https://www.lovepanky.com/mylife/work-and-office/how-to-be-funny)]
34. Look for common ground
Learning how to talk to people also means knowing the
go-to topics you can use to create a conversation
starter.
The weather is a good one, but looking for common
ground that you both share will allow you to get a flow
going. How can you find common ground? By asking
questions!
35. Don’t expect to get along with everyone
You can learn how to talk to people all you like, but
understand that you’re not going to get along with
everyone! [Read: How to stop having negative thoughts
that drag you down (https://www.lovepanky.com/mylife/better-life/how-to-stop-having-negative-thoughts)]
Don’t feel pressured or as though you’ve somehow
failed if a conversation doesn’t quite go as planned.
Just see it as practice and move on to the next one.
36. Don’t finish sentences for other people
One of the most annoying things you can do when
you’re speaking to another person is to either interrupt
or finish sentences for them.
You might think you’re helping them out, but you’re
actually appearing overpowering or bossy. Let them
speak! [Read: Have no social life – 15 ways to get
yourself the friends you want
(https://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/better-life/have-nosocial-life)]
37. Don’t overshare
Usually, a lot of extroverts tend to overshare details
about their life. There is nothing wrong with selfdisclosure, but it has to be appropriate.
You might find it easier to talk about yourself because
it’s a topic you know better than anyone! But if you just
met someone, it’s not the right time to talk about
intimate details of your life.
38. Don’t be a “know it all”
No one likes a “know it all.” Sure, it’s interesting to have
deep conversations with an intelligent person. [Read:
Confident or cocky? 16 subtle signs that split an
arrogant and modest man
(https://www.lovepanky.com/women/understandingmen/subtle-differences-between-a-confident-arrogantman)]
But if someone is acting arrogant and self-righteous
because of how smart they are or how much trivia they
know, that is a turn-off for a lot of people.
So, even if you feel like you could win on the TV show
Jeopardy, don’t go overboard. Make the knowledge you
have relevant to the conversation, and don’t overwhelm
people with details.
39. Rephrase what’s been said
Part of being a good active listener isn’t just sitting there
with your mouth closed. You also have to let the other
person know that you are “present” in the conversation
too. [Read: How to be more social – 22 ways to
genuinely connect with others
(https://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/work-andoffice/how-to-be-more-social)]
In other words, you have to let the other person know
that you heard what they said. And the best way to do
that is to rephrase what they said. That way, they know
that they had your full attention.
40. Prepare a mental list of topics
If you know you’re going into a social situation where
you don’t know anyone or have a first date, then make a
list of interesting topics to talk about. Write some down
beforehand, so you have them in mind.
However, don’t bring the list with you. You will look
strange if you whip it out in the middle of a conversation
with someone. [Read: Drawing a blank? Try these 25
good conversation starters!
(https://www.lovepanky.com/flirting-flings/datinggame/good-conversation-starters)]
Just familiarize yourself with it so that it will flow
naturally when you are talking to someone new.
41. Just be yourself!
Finally, the single best way to learn how to talk to people
with ease is to be comfortable with who you are and
accept yourself.
We can’t stress how much easier conversations are
when you’re not trying to impress other people or gain
validation.
[Read: How to be yourself – 26 steps to un-fake your life
and love being you (https://www.lovepanky.com/mylife/better-life/how-to-be-yourself)]
Learning how to talk to anyone is a skill that will give
you an edge in every aspect of your life. It may take a
few tries, but as long as you remember these key
details, you’ll be remembered as a wonderful
conversationalist every time you talk to someone.
Here are a few other features that would be great as a
follow-up read to improve your social skills and become
an even better version of yourself! Check these out:
How to keep a conversation going with the opposite
sex and make everyone interested in you
(https://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/work-andoffice/how-to-keep-a-conversation-going)
Make those sparks fly: How to turn someone on while
talking to them (https://www.lovepanky.com/flirtingflings/naughty-affairs/how-to-turn-someone-on)
How to have sex appeal and catch everyone’s eye when
you talk to them
(https://www.lovepanky.com/women/attracting-and-