STORM
ALEAF IN THE
Lalithambika Antharjanam
She was certainly the most emaciated of the women reclaimed from that
obscure village in western Punjab; and the most outraged of them all, too.
She didn't bother to tell them her name or caste. Perhaps she even
hesitated to acompany them to the refugee camp. She realized that she
would beone of themany to be given in exchange. Fifty bonded girls were
to be given away for the fifty'reclaimed. The exchange took place on the
border, black bundles of rags crawled up and down, like ghosts let loose
from the sepulchres. She was the last tocome. She halted. She wasn't too
Sure.
From one prison to another?..."
The transport was ready. The police and the army personnel would
accompany them too. The social service volunteers weregenerous in their
consolation. Still, someone had to gently force her into the vehicle bound
for the camp.
Ihe women were looked after well in the camp. They rejoiced as though
they had been reunited with their lost children. The relatives of some of
hose women joined them in the camp. Some asked after their kinstolk.
Only one of them sat quietly, allby herself, in acorner. She did not lift
her veil. As the lady volunteer approached her with some food, she
exploded, Damn your crumbs of bread; I want agun. Or adagger.
Wouldn't mind alittle poison either. It's that Iwant ... first and last ...
ne lady volunteer stood aghast. This woman must have gone
mad.
who wouldn't tunder these circumstances? What is indeedlamazing isWell,
that
smal
her
are
big hate But
not
i
c
e
of
eay a aims even and her
herfour-thdwell-to-do
this it cynics eyes
at
parents
though
tofist,
they
miles. everywhere,
She
of
on
aonethat
sinsistence
he
heir t the
a
set chewing
eats,sticK, was
Some
and own.
ofout Her
remains.
,sleeps,
gutted.
the
in clothes
vet her could frontrevolt.
Musling She
watching
ot
with
hard
died. body. onl.
e
and
And Her
ha
f her ate at
she
reclaimed
violated
ahasn't
She
seem Not
Many
to
to$peah
ha have
afer child.
Hindu
she ofdim She got arived
of Among one'Another
s
her
three torn. dirty There talks her therechildren
Onmore se Tragedy
LAITHAMBIKA56|
killed.
wershould
e
The indeedchildren,recount sheANTHARJANAM
one
their
used
hasn't
t
h
e
observes
t
h
e
husband'
s
parents.
is
dead
family
and Her good But,
children She bitsof you . . house she
who with
blood-stained
fear with them
other
to
Hope,
overtook
child
been
breathe
their alive.
now had
pity
had
down
burn stood,
this bruised
than
much frail
wh
o
in
despiseseverything
s
e
e
of
decided a
and now.Cry
chapati.another
are
Nohas side
body
been
bodylooking the food
fever
baneful good A
way
passion
as
in
else occupants
mot
h
er
h
e
r
people one now ofalive,
despair.
turn
the
for the
which her soonmarried
l
a
st
of and feet,
evidently and
to
besides.
hands
girlsThe mother'
the from
car
Her
their
life. answers-Where
four whole
dozed
about epidemics.
focourtyard,
r to
broken who
insstay thetohave lives. many
woman,
as
hal,
and the cheeks
At
noble,
her on given That of
life.. ashes.
the of lay
to
times
of
days.
r
a
n
her
MaybeCannot
ripped
the
off, railway
world.
Sheher.
waylaid people
a
were ownbecause whole
limbs
these
bi
g
Yet
,
and
now
and camp She
children.
ol
d
Si
k
h
f
o
r
crying.
supporting
her
abducted.vilage. village, her
she stand
Desvite and life,
officer
she
open
breasts
bellyHer eyesdoesn't
at
of fiftywomanwomen
girl tracks.
perhaps
bor
i
n
t
o
her. had
clenches
ar
e
lives
was
have
her
withered for
Loud isSomeone and
such
in
She
reflect
to
Today, children
the
been
thereis keep
all several those consoling
are
Sindh.
breakfast,
begun remains
on
Alas,
herself
both
scattered. was
Her
this,
wails,
swollen.
her
darlingtorture
...
the
parents?
s
h
e
warned
house
bodies.
Hindus
crying.
She
fastingfamily.woman, belly.
A LEAF IN THE STORM 57
he beloved of her husband ... By now, inevitably, the report of her
condition must have reached the camp doctor.
The doctor coaxed her to drink milk. He begged her, Won't you drink this
milk, for me sister? Why don't you realize that this life is also valuable
for our beloved country?"
One life .. one life!"'She broke into tears and said, Why one life? How
many lives have we lost now? Look at me! Iam damned too.. Youwant
me to live on still, and sow the seed of damnation?
She continued sobbing, `My life ... doctor ... may Iask you something?
Tellme, are you able to destroy something which must be destroyed, just
as much as you can preserve something you think must be preserved?
Now this life bred of damnation-conceived in consequence of inhuman
rape and ignorancetell me doctor, can you destroy this, save another
life...? Can you do that?
She raised her eyebrowsin question. The doctor turned pale. He wasn't
quite prepared to answer something like this when he came to the camp.
He was a disciple of the supreme master of ahimsa. It was at his master's
instance that he had given up awell-paying job toserve the refugees here.
Her demand was loud and clear. Further, he was trained and adequately
equipped for the task. But, still. But,would it beproper? He was stricken
with a kind of moral cowardice. Breaking an egg, and wringing anothers
neck are taking away lives, in different ways...
He spoke like avedantin, "Sister,who are we to fight the decree of destiny?
Look, I'm a doctor. Ihave no moral right to take away someone's life;
Ican only redeem it. Look at the lakhs of people in this camp; there are
many more like them in other camps too. We will overconme this storm
that rages over the east and west of our land. Bharat willendure; are you
not a woman of India? Cheer up; here,drink this milk.."
She said nothing in return. She drank the milk, however. It does not
matter whether it was the doctor's sernmon or her zest for life that
eventually prevailed upon her desperate obstinacy. Since then she has been
eating regularly.
them,
land camp.
a belonged
caravan
like have
haveevenings
their
inherited,
At
scenescamp. mass
out
Onthe
in
ot
blewfields,
they . .
They
of
thent 1hey had They tunes, manydesert, over
t
h
e
t
h
e
in
all
of
gramongandsire' teeth
themselves. not their
the
inthe
different
crowdThe now
t
h
e
number
the ...
beforeCostumes
ocean of old.
all in
AnAnd
the the
births that
Maybe
marriage
womenThe
ways.
had Sikh hear
about came
who
woman
gone lady more
and
for
in
told ANTIHARJANAM
from
from
58|
rcfusingto
The
more LALITHAMBIKA
sunset
her
been
wild been work-tools
us
she
a the
wherewhere They
camps who
cursed
register
canmp
of
movement
More midst
about
he
r
village
zamindar,
that
hen.
rage,
like
languages...
is
and
drivenhounded
sane
of the topeoplehuman
paying
swelled.
in
that were
veil
her
across made
all How which,
of
thiscamels the
deaths
Some
t
h
e
were
village;
the
away balanced one,buffaloeswheat
name
her
she all
gathered life.
beautiful
others
villagers,
truc
presentlythat
out
did
these
the
refugee
t
o
o
rather face;
than was
And Men,
cntered
of
they
crawled
well-known
from
fields
to
that
these
of
is
this
border, suffer, them
high
no
new
amazed her that Iyotirmoyi
would those on grazed land whounder births. but women,
camp
even
bappen?
them
men
swayed
one
her
soul!
a
self
their
stories;
she
blamed
a
price
do but
houses towards
wave.
of
name
knew
after
bothered
In
t
h
e
in
have
grew -assertive
like shoulders. had
the those Poor leaders.
had
lyoti'
s
five
at
children.
the
the in
f
o
r
big
this
Who
loud
She
coming Devpal!. as
straypassed returned the laughterrivers little
even
spurned
people
day
by
fields
camp
such
-those
leafy
people.
mother lyoti.
witnessed
girl'nature,
s
who
about
clamour
of
the They was dogs
adjacent
The
And
and
on
tree
. . national
indulgence!
of We
have
one
ancestral
day.
at
independent
the age,
It
suffered'toothless
Far as
They gnashed fault: . . to thosehome, sugar-cane
Jyoti. young
andbegan was
and
at
the
could
the
proposal Jyoti
asDifferent
hunted their
away,
many
the
the
village. breeze
so
a
never
humming
In
wer
e
to
Sikh
politics.
homes
and
feelSameings of
on.
backyard witness
progeny. houses
outrage?politics-that
those,Indian
In
kindly
vengeful They
A LEAF N THE
SToRM 59
Jyoti listened to
contain her
everything. She
about slowly, trying hard to
Swollen belly withinthemoved
folds of her
sari. Only a few people
Luew her sccret; that she was
pregnant and unmarried, and had been
'reclaimed by the camp. Her burden
grew heavier as the days
Those first imperceptible
passed.
pulsations
grew into swollen coils within
her,
threatening a revolt that might stifle her. What moved
within her was a
challenge toevery cell ofher being. Itsymbolized
everything
and humanity found
in nature. And that it should womanhood
despicable
grow within
her, drawing on her
life-blood! It moved and drew breath from
her life
breath. One day, it will
emergethis
'
c
osmic
no one's
shape'
biding
time, seeking no one's
permission. Come out it must, willy-nilly.
Pressing her big belly hard against the floor, she bore her
pain. What else
could she do?
The next day something unusual
happened. There lay in the toilet the
lifeless body of a child, new born and
deserted. A beautiful child it was,
round and gleaming, likea thick clot of blood. Its fair
skin was like that
of an inhabitant of the
territorial border. It had brown hair. On its neck
was a thick bluish mark resembling a
crescent. Thescavenger dragged its
still warm body away, and putit into his
garbage bin. Nogirl shed a tear.
There was no case against anyone.
Jyoti stood and watched all this. She
wondered how courageous these
people were in practical life--people one could easily mistake forcowards
and slaves! They had no qualms. No
indecisiveness. Nor did they turn
to anyone for advice. Whatever the obstacles, they
swept past them and
went on ahead.
Faster than those tremors within her belly rose her
heart-throbs. So,
that's very easy... and equally trivial .. It shouldn't take more time than
it would in nipping off ablade of grass. A
second? Maybe, a minute at
the most-at midnightshe couldwipe herself clean of her filth and come
out-into anew world of hopes ...!
the day she wandered about in the open and desolate space
During the
Outside
camp. Atnight she preferred to be left alone in a corner. One
60| LALITHAMBIKA ANTHARJANAM
day, at supper she felt aterrible pain in her back and felt.
around had to lift her up and lay her on the cot.
Jyoti was
anxious. She did not know anything. Was this apreludeto worried and
that
happening? Ayyo ...and then?
But nothing happened. No one was
suspiciOUs either. lt was quite nere .
dizzy. The people
momentous
for some people in the camp to feel sick.
Weeks passed by.
That day, a distinguished guest arrived. Everyone had
heard
In fact, the message he brought them was well known and
about him.
appreci
ated
of
by them all. The guest addressed the people under the shade
the
big
tree in the backyard of the camp. Young men should be
prepared to
accept abducted women as their mothers, sisters, and even as their
wives-Those children... Jyoti pricked up her ears, those children are
indeed the citizens of India,the first citizens of afree India.?
Her face glowed. »How ironical that would be! Are they citizens of India
alone? That is, of India as we conceive of her today? They will grow up..
these children ... as they begin to comprehend the reality, as they come
of age... that blood ... No! The sourceof that blood is hate, not love.
would it not run amok, driven by the intense desire for vengeance? Even
break past the borders?
When Jyoti came to herself, she noticed that there was nobody around
her. Perhaps the guest had left. And so had every other listener. It was late
night.
which
She got to her feet hoping to go into the camp from the open yard
waS
was steeped in darkness. It was cold, She couldn't walk, her body of a
shivering. She felt helpless and weak ... Apain, with the speed
thousand bolts of lightning,i,invaded her brain. The
overwhelmingtravail
tryingto
tre,
big
the
of
branch
the
of creation .. She stood clinging to
meanwhile,
the
In
remember.
endurethe pain. For how long? She couldn'tt
hazy memories thronged her mind
well-
in a the
Punjab
the
in
and
Far away, in one of those prosperous villages
doctor
the
There,
to-do householda mother was in labour..
A LEAF IN THE STORM6l
of the
nurses waited at hand ... Her relatives were anxious. The master
for
house sat on the bed, his eyes fixed on the clock. They were waiting
the fruit of prolonged medical treatment and their virtuous deeds.
kinsfolk and
The girl who was born that day was the darling of her
neighbours. She grew up in perfect happiness. No one had faulted her for
anvthing. She joined college, despite the initial objections of her parents
whom she won over by her charm. She shocked her people when she
decided to give up her purdah.They chose to ignore such aberrations in
her. She loved her freedom. That explained her refusal to settle for a
marriage, which others considered desirable. The freedom she had earned
was not only for herself. It was also the freedom from slavery for her
community, indeed for the whole human race. She wanted to free the
bonded, those who were enslaved by convention. She wanted to make
them happy and contented. She hoped in vain that she could knit together
a net of silver threads.
Her dreams had landed her in prison. In her fight to behold her ideals
she had to suffer police brutality. For days she had gone without food
the uplift of
or rest. Ignoring all warnings, she had dedicated herself to
tried to
women. I trust my brothers, she used to say, when others
dissuade her venturesome spirit. And now ... this reward!
Oh my mother!
During those periodicboutsof excruciating pain, she shuddered. Her legs
grew weaker and weaker. Her whole body was perspiring. Was she about
to throw up? Resting her head against the trunk of the tree, she took a
deep sigh. She was utterly exhausted.
Memory... frightening scenes from memory again
2
Fifteen women wearing ghoshah veils were confined in a room, far inside
the lady's wing of the palace, in her neighbourhood. The master of that
house, Qasim, was a good friend of her father. And Ayesha was her
bosom friend. Ayesha had given them refuge. Only Ali, Ayesha's brother,
62| LALITHAMBIKA ANTHARJANAM
them! Our land will yield gold
thought otherwise,'Damn
these kafirs!
soaked by the blood of
suspicion even in her
Ayesha tried bard not to rouse
She had
with great care. Her
plan
concealed those ghoshah ladies
was to send
father's bullock cart
her
when
border
the
went
on its
them across
harbour
would
the
take care of usual
trip. The refugee camp across
them.
Qasim Sahib's cart had been on its regular trips across the border
only whenitis
brother.
for fifty
years. No one would suspect that it carried women. And no one would
stop it on the way.
That night, the miserable journey inside the iron--Cage: one felt choked
amidst violent bumps and jerks. Loud slogans rent the air ... The air wae
full of the smell of flesh burning..the heat of flames
Qasim Sahib
periodically hollered, ignoring other voices, Pakistan Zindabad..Allah-b.
Akbar!'
The travellers thought for a while that they were out of danger. Then
suddenly a big row erupted. The cart stopped. Someone pulled out the
bundles of hay from the cart, ignoring Qasim Sahib's swearing and
protests. Loud, thunderous laughter. Wild shouts. From among the
bundles of hay fifteen women were dragged out. One by one, those
flowers fell ..
Oh ...how cruel life's traffic is! Overwhelming pain! What could it bethe agony of life, or death?
It seemed her mother, now returned from the dead, was speaking to her
-Jyoti, Itoo went through this. My mother and mother's mother..n
fact, all mothers ...
No woman can evade thetax levied on her life. Suddenly shethought of
must
the prisonin which she had lain
men
of
lot
Anawful
unconscious.
have come into that cell. Those devilish
faces ... reddened byfanatichate
resemblance?
and frenzy! To which one of
faces does this bear a
those
She
Jyoti felt a deep convulsion from within, She
and thirsty.
...
felt hot
breathed hard and her body shook in
agony
Ho! And so it ends. Was it
really the end?
A LEAF IN THE STORM 63
The lamps had gone out in the camp sheds. Here and there the sick
groaned.The children cried. No one, however, would rcally know about
this.
She lav on her back on the lawn, atriumphant soldier, fallen in exhaustion
the battlefield. The stars had dimmed in the sky. The young one of
bird cried kee...kee, and fluttered its wings on the tree.
Her first instinctwas to close her eyes, grope her way about, and choke
it todeath with her hands. With that, she might bury the bundle of her
misery and shame which she had borne all these months ... there; bury
it under that tree, forever ...She wouldn't let the scavenger drag it away.
One must carry one's cross oneself.
Jyoti got up and stretched her hand. She felt that mass of flesh ..
0, how
warm it is! Did my body give it so much warmth? Ihope its looks are
like mine ... Perhaps I should look at it, its small eyes, once ... once only!
Oh! it is seeking refuge, stirring its little feet: That voice didn't resemble
hers; in fact it wasn't like anything she had heard so far. Its voice
resounded like the assertion of a right, an appeal to nature.
Perhaps the voice has woken up the camp. The whole universe and its
creatures might wake up, hearing this voice. It is so compelling. And so
tender!
Shetried to cover its parted lips, to hush its voice. How ticklishly smooth
they felt, like the tender leaves. More than compasion, fear overcame her.
As though someone had forbidden her, and said, No don't stifle that
voice! It is not the voice of an individual, but that of the whole world!"
Jyoti drew back with a shudder. She was confused. "Why not run away
from this place of conflicting emotions,of fear and suspicion,and go into
hiding?
But where? The place doesn't matter ... to the utmost boundary of this
earth, or hell wherever
Will this voice haunt me there too?
...
...
Let the child be, amidst the green grass, in the light of the stars. I have
heard it said that babes deserted by their mothers are tended to by
64|LAUHAMBIKAANIHARIANAM
spot the
Somcone will surely
child in the
morning.
doubt crossed
Perhaps,
without children... And then a
mothers
her
one ofthose
children?
have
didshe
mind was
Jyoti
confused. It was rather difficult to sever life's bonds so easily.
goddesses.
remain. The
would
scar
The
world would suppurate and
grew hoarse.
crying. Its voice
Its limbs began to grow limp. There Was
continue
to
returned
slowly.
The
child
Jyoti
very end.
was still
afilict one's life tillthe
no time to
wait.
upinto her arms. She warmedl its forehead
child
the
swooped
The mother
flowed like fresh millk
life-blood
Her
by caressing it gently.
the camp, thestars beamed from
towards
slowly
walked
mother
As the
puzzle.
complicated
heaven. Maybe they had resolved a
Translated from Malayalam by Narayan Chandran