Step 4 Guide & homework
READ THESE DIRECTIONS THOROUGHLY BEFORE WRITING YOUR INVENTORY
What is the intent of this inventory? One of the requirements for sobriety is the need for a moral
inventory, and confession of personality defects. Step four is designed to be just this. There is a lot of hype and
fear surrounding this step (mostly created by those who are yet to do it), and the worksheets we use are designed
to make this task as easy and simple as possible. Everything contained in these inventory sheets is directly from
the Big Book 'Alcoholics Anonymous'.
The sequence: selfishness is the root of my trouble →selfishness manifests itself as resentment, fear, and
harm to others →these manifestations block me from the Power that I need. This inventory will help me find the
flaws in my makeup, which are causing me to fail and be spiritually blocked. To re-emphasize this point, read p64,
at top, first full sentence. The intent of this inventory is to face and be rid of that which has me blocked from the
Power that I need.
RESENTMENT INVENTORY WORKSHEET
Read from the bottom of page 63 through page 65 before beginning.
In the resentment inventory, don't write across. Proceed in columns, i.e.; ALL names first, ALL causes second, etc.
Be honest! The only person to truly benefit from this exercise is you; don't cheat yourself out of this incredible
experience. Try and list resentments in groups, i.e.; family, school, relationships, work, etc. or by time period, i.e.;
early childhood, grade school, junior high, high school, etc. If you are not sure in any area, call somebody and ask
them for their experience. Get into the habit of writing every day, even if it's only for ten minutes.
Read Page 66, from at top “To conclude…” through last full paragraph.
- Point: We’ve always concluded that others had wronged us, and that’s as far as we got.
- Point: Resentment kills.
- Point: What is our hope as sex addicts? - The maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience. If we
want to live (the book kills us about six times on this page!), what do we need to do? We have to look at
this world and the people in it from an entirely different angle.
Column 1: Resentments
List all people, places, things, institutions, ideas or principles with which you are angry, resent, or where you feel
hurt or threatened.
RESENTMENT INVENTORY PROMPTS Here is a list of people, institutions and principles that may be helpful in
your resentment inventory. Add to the lists as needed.
PEOPLE
Father (Step)
In-Laws
INSTITUTIONS
PRINCIPLES
Mother (Step)
Husbands
Marriage
God-Deity
Sisters (Step)
Wives
Bible
Retribution
Brothers (Step)
Creditors
Church
Ten Commandments
Aunts
Childhood Friends
Religion
Jesus Christ
Uncles
School Friends
Races
Satan
Cousins
Teachers
Law
Death
Clergy
Life Long Friends
Authority
Life After Death
Police
Best Friends
Government
Heaven
Lawyers
Acquaintances
Education System
Hell
Judges
Girl Friends
Correctional System
Sin
Doctors
Boy Friends
Mental Health System
Adultery
Employers
Parole Officers
Philosophy
Golden Rule
Employees
Probation Officers
Nationality
Original Sin
Co-Workers
S.A.A. Friends
IRS
Seven Deadly Sins
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Step 4 Guide & homework
To generate a good inventory, try working with words other than resentment. Who has let you down? Who has
discouraged you? Of whom are you jealous? To whom do you feel smugly superior? Sometimes we live with more
subtle things than deep-seated resentments. Not less dangerous, just less abrasive; subtler forms of things that
are blocking us. Ask God to reveal the things in you that are blocking you from Him. Resentments always stem
from some unmet need, based on perception of some event and are always tied into our self-will. Resentment
means to feel old anger again. Someone did something; you found them guilty by making a judgment against
them, and then you revisited that anger again. And again. And again. You made this poison for your enemy, and
then you drank it yourself.
Column 2: The Cause
What happened? Be specific as to why you were angry.
- Most anger for me comes as the result of me having to be right. If I’m angry with you in traffic, I’m right
(really I’m being delusional about this), you shouldn’t be driving like that. I’m judging you to be a lousy
driver compared to me, God’s gift to automobile operation. I need to get out of the judgment business.
When I stop judging I don’t get mad.
- I have to look at other people as having a good motive. I have to grant that to you. If I can grant that you
have good motives for your opinions on politics or religion, then I get to be free. I don’t have to agree or
approve, but I can learn to accept those differences based on granting that you have good motives.
Column 3: Affects My......
How did it make me feel? Specifically, how did it affect the seven parts of self?
The Seven Parts Of Self Defined, part 1
Self Esteem - How I think of myself
Pride - How I think others view me
Pocketbook - Basic desire for money, property, possessions, etc.
Personal Relations - Our relations with other people
Ambition - Our goals, plans and designs for the future
Emotional Security - General sense of personal well being
Sex Relations - Basic drive for sexual intimacy
The Seven Parts Of Self Defined, part 2
3 basic instincts: Security (material, emotional), Sex (Relationship), Social(Position in society).
Social Instinct: Where I feel I should be in society.
- Self-esteem: This is who I think I am.
We are created to have value, and to feel valuable. Is it related to that?
- Personal Relationships:
We are created to have relationships. Did it affect existing, past or future relationships?
Security Instinct: This is what I need to be okay
- Material security: affected my money (pocket book), possessions, etc.?
- Emotional security: Stability of support system (divorce, loss of friends)
In ancient tribal days, the tribe perished unless they supported each other. Some hunted, some
gathered, some cooked, some healed. We depend on others’ support for our own well-being.
Sex Instinct:
- Acceptable Sex Relations: affect healthy sexual relationships with men and women?
- Hidden Sex Relationships: (our disease)
Ambitions: What I think my future should look like. What I think I need to be okay. What I want.
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Step 4 Guide & homework
Column 4: Where Was I To Blame
Read through the second paragraph on page 67 before answering this.
- I’m not looking for my “part.” There is no “part” on my side of the street.
- If you have an ego like mine and look at the other person’s perceived “part”, chances are their “part” is
bigger than my part. I must ignore anything but my mistakes entirely.
- If I’ve gone through the forgiveness process described below, all I have left is me.
- I look for my mistakes. What were my mistakes?
- Earmarks of self/re-emergence of self-will.
- Where had I been selfish-I want it my way; dishonest-trying to make it go my way; self-seeking-try to
manipulate others to make it go my way; frightened-I’m afraid I may not get my way.
Read 66, bottom of page. “This was our course: ”
What was our course? We realized that the people who wronged us (column 1) were, (like us) spiritually sick.
Though we didn’t like their symptoms (2nd column), and the way they disturbed us (3rd column), they, like we, were
sick too.
The forgiveness process as outlined in the Big Book is probably the most important piece of work we are
going to do. Later in the book it tells us to put aside the other person entirely. If I still hate them then I can’t
“disregard that person entirely.” You come to God and tell Him you love Him and want to be close to Him but you
hate His kids? You are able to go to God and say you want to lean on Him, to trust Him, to love Him, but you are
going to hate some of His kids? That isn’t going to work is it? We have been nurturing this stuff for a long time.
We are digging the poison out of our souls. This is where it begins to happen; as you move from “what part of my
self was hurt?” to “where was I to blame?”
This is the forgiveness process. On page 67 middle of the page it talks about how we refer to our list again
and put out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our mistakes. That’s what we need
to do, but how can I really get someone out of my head if I still hate them? I can’t. It’s all I can think about. I only
see how they hurt me and it’s eating my lunch. I need to work this forgiveness piece for those that I haven’t
forgiven yet. This is what the book says we do.
Top of 67 is a prayer we say to help US. We ask God to help us show them (the people on the list we
haven’t forgiven) the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. Something
about praying this softens our heart to them over time. Don’t stop until the ice that resentment has placed around
your heart is melted. Hold it up to the sunlight of the Spirit.
Bottom of page 551. At the bottom of the page a woman talks about having to get rid of resentment
towards her mother. What follows is a predictable sequence of events. I see something about me that needs work
(this resentment). What I do is I pray about it; I talk to a spiritual advisor about it, and then I get focused on
helping somebody else. When we are out of ourselves going to help others, the answers we seek often times
drops onto the hood of our car when we are done. It drops out of the sky. This, I think, is a predicable sequence of
events. It is what happened to this woman as she went to serve at the hospital and found an article on
resentment.
We put these two together. The prayer on page 67 and 552. “God help me…” we ask for ourselves. In the
other prayer we are praying for them. For those on our list that we have not forgiven we need to work this
forgiveness process. Pray for them all the wonderful things we want in our own life. Don’t hold back. We do this
for every name on our list. Then we ask our self; do I now forgive this person? It’s a yes or no answer. If you do, put
a check in the margin. If not, skip it and go on to the next. We do this every day until all the names are checked.
There is prayer we pray at the end of our meetings. “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who
have trespassed against us.” I believe what that says is if I don’t forgive them then God can’t forgive me. If you
can’t forgive them, you’re asking for mercy for yourself and justice for everyone else. But the package is mercy for
everyone or justice for everyone. Are you in a position to face justice? Me neither. So we have to choose mercy
for all, including those you are struggling to forgive.
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Step 4 Guide & homework
I need to receive forgiveness. What this process does is teach us to open ourselves up to receive the gifts
that have always been here. It’s never been Gods unwillingness to give; it’s been my inability to receive that’s
been the problem. Resentment is ice around my heart. What I do with these two prayers combined is I hold my
icy heart up to the sunlight of the Spirit. The ice has a thickness based on the severity of the events, how long ago,
how much I’ve nurtured them. The sunlight always melts the ice. I can’t tell you exactly how long it will take but I
do know this: the process works.
SEXUAL CONDUCT/HARM DONE TO OTHERS INVENTORY WORKSHEET
Read carefully Big Book pages 68-70.
Again, make a list for yourself. What happened in each instance? How did it make you feel?
Questions to spark inventory consideration: Ever knowingly given someone an STD? Have you ever hurt
an animal? Homosexual experience? Fetish behavior? Wear women’s clothing? Stolen some intimate laundry?
Cross-dress/dress up in costume? Been with a transvestite? Pay for sex? Is there any sex with animals or family
members? Look into people’s windows (voyeurism)? Expose yourself to anyone? Ever been involved in an
abortion? Leave your kids alone? Ever try to kill yourself? Ever touched a family member or animal in a sexual
way? Ever had an animal lick you? Played with a vacuum hose? Any exhibitionism? Any group behavior you are
ashamed of? Make a video you regret?
Sex/Harms inventory: It’s not about sex. It’s about what it said in the beginning. We are looking for the
manifestations of self, which had defeated us. It’s about selfishness and inconsideration. It’s about manipulation
by arousing jealousy, suspicion, or bitterness. It’s about dishonesty. When I make my list and think about how I
harmed them I need to look back and ask myself these 3 questions with regards to what I should have done
differently.
 Should I have been honest?
 Should I have left her/him alone?
 Or should I have told him or her NO?
Our fellowship has all sorts of people: straight, gay, transsexual, bi. We aren’t arbiters of anyone’s sex conduct but
we do use the book’s instructions to arbiter spiritual conduct. We have to become right with ourselves. Whatever
you find, as you clear away everything that is not you, is what you are left with and you have to be right with that.
Your list should include all instances where sex energy was aroused in you. What is your ideal? For married or
committed guys it’s simple. The spouse is supposed to get all your sexual energy.
There is a lot of self-centered angst in the sexual arena. It’s why it makes us so crazy. When we get those
calls in the middle of the night with a guy going insane, it’s usually because a sexual relationship has gone
sideways. It’s definitely one area where all instincts can be threatened. Remember to work down the columns, not
sideways.
FEARS INVENTORY WORKSHEET
Read the Big Book, page 67, last paragraph through first paragraph on page 68.
List your fears. Then write about why you have each fear. Has self-reliance failed you?
FEAR INVENTORY PROMPT SHEET Here is a list of fears that may help you get started.
Fear Of God
Fear Of Relapse
Fear Of Losing A Wife
Fear Of Dying
Fear Of Sex
Fear Of Losing A Husband
Fear Of Insanity
Fear Of Sin
Fear Of Losing A Child
Fear Of Insecurity
Fear Of Self-Expression
Fear Of Animals
Fear Of Rejection
Fear Of Authority
Fear Of Insects
Fear Of Loneliness
Fear Of Heights
Fear Of Police
Fear Of Diseases
Fear Of Unemployment
Fear Of Jail
Fear Of Alcohol
Fear Of Employment
Fear Of Doctor's
Fear Of Drugs
Fear Of Parents
Fear Of Stealing
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Step 4 Guide & homework
Fear Of Creditors
Fear Of Being Found Out
Fear Of Homosexuals & Lesbians
Fear Of Failure
Fear Of Success
Fear Of Responsibility
Fear Of Physical Pain
Fear Of Fear
Fear Of Drowning
Fear Of Men
Fear Of Women
Fear Of Being Alone
Fear Of People
Fear Of Crying
Fear Of Poverty
Fear Of Races
Fear Of The Unknown
Fear Of Abandonment
Fear Of Intimacy
Fear Of Disapproval
Fear Of Rejection
Fear Of Confrontation
Fear Of Sobriety
Fear Of Hospitals
Fear Of Responsibility
Fear Of Feelings
Fear Of Getting Old
Fear Of Hurting Others
Fear Of Violence
Fear Of Writing Inventory
Fear Of Being Alive
Fear Of Government
Fear Of Gangs
Fear Of Gossip
Fear Of Wealthy People
Fear Of Guns
Fear Of Change
Column 1: List fears and consider the opposite fear to see if that applies as well.
Column 2: Lists why I’m afraid of the thing mentioned in column 1.
Column 3: What part of self failed me? What aspect of self was I reliant upon that was insufficient to overcome
this fear?
Column 4: What would God have me be instead of afraid of the thing in column 1? Consider a plan of action to put
yourself in a position to have to trust God in this area of your life.
Boil down: boil down the bigger list of fears into the common fears. This list is more manageable.
Fear
Self will run riot:
- Resentment: didn’t get my way in the past.
- Anger/depression: not getting my way now.
- Fear/worry/anxiety: not going to get my way in the future
- Fear has been the driving force in my life!
- Fear is the concern that I won’t get what I think I need in the future. I’m anxious, frustrated, can’t sleep.
I have to cease trying to stop the wreckage of my future! What a colossal waste of time and energy.
I need to get the “today” word into those types of thoughts. In severe cases put the word “Right Now”.
Am I okay right now? God’s will happens in the present moment. I experience it in the present moment.
Adding the word “today” to my life takes the power away from those fears.
P 68 1st p. “We reviewed our fears...” Fears. Why do we have them? Go down the fear list and ask yourself: If I
were totally God-reliant would I have this fear? I learn that as I rely on myself, I generate fear.
P XVI, end of first incomplete paragraph “…the necessity of belief…” Trusting and relying upon God.
Wheelbarrow story: faith and belief are not enough. Dependence and trust are key.
I am designed by my Creator to live the life He assigns.
I have to get the poison of fear out and get the self out of the way in order to try and live that life.
P 68. Last full p, last two sentences
- We ask him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what he would have us BE.
Column 1
Column 2
Fear //Opposite Fear
Why I have the fear//why I’m afraid of opposite fear
Rejection//Acceptance
I’ll be alone, it’s painful, I’ll act out and I’ll die//eventually I’ll get found out,
unknown feeling
Boil Down: Alone, Pain, Fake, die, unknown
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Step 4 Guide & homework
Isolation//Relationship
I’ll be alone, it’s painful, I’ll act out//Eventually I’ll get found out, unknown feeling,
difficult, look bad, I don’t know how, I’ll feel fake
Boil Down: Alone Pain Fake Die
Intimacy//Being found out
Unknown feeling, they’ll see the truth, I’ll be found out//Its painful, I’ll feel like I’ll
just die if they knew, they won’t like me or accept me
Boil Down: Fake, Pain, unknown, unlovable
Death//Living
Unknown. It’s the end here on earth//It’s painful, eventually I’ll get found out
Boil Down: Unknown, Fake, pain
Pain//Pleasure
Boil Down: Pain, Die, Fake
It’s painful, I’ll act out//greedy feeling and eventually I’ll get found out.
I look at this list and realize I’m afraid of being alone; afraid of pain or anything that may be uncomfortable: afraid
of unknown situations or experiences: afraid of being unlovable: afraid that I’ll always be a fake human being,
never being able to experience a real life.
Fear
Why I’m afraid of it:
Hurting spouse/loved ones
Looking bad to others
Being alone
Death
Trusting others
Not trusting God
Trusting God
Not being good enough
Looking bad/embarrassed
Disagreements
Too successful
Not successful enough
Authority figures
they’ll leave me, alone, pain, looking bad
lose image, they won’t like me
I don’t like myself, I need a woman to be okay, I’ll act out, don’t
trust myself
God won’t want me, pain, unknown
they’ll hurt me, pain, uncomfortable
won’t stay sober, no eternal life
unknown, don’t know how, uncertainty
I’ll lose them, alone, look bad, passed up, fired
others won’t like me
others won’t like me
so much time, pressure, stress, don’t trust myself
pain, sacrifice, she’ll leave me,
not enough money, letting others down, look bad
I’m guilty, look bad, uncomfortable
Read P 68, first two p.
Roles (Characters) I play
Spouse/partner
Ex Husband/boy friend
Lover boy/Sex God/Romeo
Employee
Employer/Boss/manager
Father
Son
Sibling
What does the character need in order to exist?
needs a spouse/partner
ex wife/partner/girlfriend
needs a sex partner
needs a job, paycheck, to work
needs employees, to lead, manage
needs kids, see them, spend time, protect
needs earthly parents
needs sisters/brothers
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Step 4 Guide & homework
Friend
Sober member of SAA/Spiritual guy (Mr. SAA)
Church member
Hollywood (Mr. Image)
Rambo/warrior/John Wayne
Banker/Financial (Money Man)
Banker/Emotional (Mr. IOU)
Jock (Mr. Athlete)
Student/Academic (Mr. Intellectual)
Victim
Predator
Judge
Jailor
Executioner
Child of God
needs others to like them
needs to help addicts, to not act out, God
needs a church, belief system
needs to look good to others
needs a fight, to win, needs an image, to be right
needs money
needs to remember what others have done to me
needs to be strong, to play, to compete
needs to be knowledgeable, go to class, good grades
needs to be victimized
needs to have a victim
needs to have others to judge
needs to have someone to guard
needs to have someone to attack/target
needs to have faith, trust, and rely on FATHER
*These characters don’t know that the other characters exist.
Areas in my life where these characters may show up:
Relationships
Sex life
-Friends
Health/Body
-Spouse
Hobbies
-Kids
Job/Money/Finances
-Parents
Church
Spiritual Life
Fellowship of SAA
Hobbies/Outside interests
EGO definition: Mind made-up false sense of self. My ego likes to convince me that I AM these roles and therefore
I become extremely attached to these roles. What the steps teaches us is how to bring my BEING into my DOING
and not become attached to my doing. Meaning I’m doing/playing the role but I am not attached to it! I’m
enjoying being the spouse but that doesn’t make me who I am. The other spouse can leave and I’ll be ok. I may
not like it but I KNOW I’ll be okay.
All fear seems to come from the real or perceived death of some aspect of self that my EGO thinks is necessary.
Death of relationship-spouse, son, sibling, friend, parent/father, business
Death of image-no one hurts me, I’m smart, I don’t make mistakes, I’m perfect, no one leaves me, I’m sober, I’m
important, I’m in control, I make lots of money, my business is successful.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. -- Proverbs 3:5
When a person's self-worth or success hinges on the achievement of a goal which can be blocked or which is
uncertain or impossible, how will he respond to those who frustrate or appear to be blocking his goals? Often he
will attempt to control or manipulate the people or circumstances that stand between him and his own
idea/society’s idea of success. For example, a father believes that his self-worth is dependent on his children
behaving in a certain way. His goal is to raise little athletes who are picked first, succeed in school, and have a host
of friends. But as the children grow and begin to express their independence, their behavior doesn't always match
their father’s ideal. So instead of helping them grow through adolescence and releasing them into adulthood, he
tries to control them. Or perhaps he treats them poorly, criticizes, gets angry and struggles to accept them for who
they are. If a fish is always judged for his inability to climb trees he is going to feel pretty worthless for what he can
do as a fish.
It is not hard to understand why people try to control others. They believe that their worth is dependent
on other people and circumstances. This is a false belief as evidenced by the fact that the most insecure people
you will ever meet are manipulators and controllers of others. But people who are secure in their identity in God
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Step 4 Guide & homework
don't need to control others. Their goal is to be the leader, spouse, parent or employee, etc. that God wants them
to be because nothing can keep them from being what God wants them to be but themselves. It’s time to be
under the control of God and not be controlling of others.
Do you have a pattern of trusting God? Find the areas of your life where you have demonstrated some
trust. You may be asleep to these areas because Ego likes to take credit for things. An old belief system we may
have in place told us that all the good things we got in life were because we worked hard and achieved and got the
reward. It was because of US and our power! That’s what the Ego wants us to believe. When things don’t go our
way and we don’t get what we want we blame God or others.
Doesn’t the Big Book call us to live on a different basis (Pg. 68)? I’ve decided that God is everything in my
life (3rd Step). I have a different manager of my life and I want to discover and follow God’s plan wholeheartedly.
Remember God gets ALL the credit for any success and I believe he has my best interest in mind when I don’t get
what I want. I want His will to be done in my life not mine (3rd step prayer-remember?). My will was killing me. So I
need to look back and give God the credit for everything in my life. When I do that I slowly begin to see a pattern
develop. God has been there the entire time; I’ve been blocked from seeing it.
Here are a few things I should STOP doing immediately if I want to start outgrowing fear.
 Quit exaggerating the problem-Fear causes whatever it is I’m afraid of to be BIGGER.
 Quit complaining to others.
 Quit returning to your old life-Is it killing you or not? There is a better life of trusting and relying upon God.
 Quit looking out and down on the problem-Look up to God for a solution; he has the answers.
 Here are a few things I should START doing immediately if I want to outgrow fear.
 Trust in God’s POWER-he is bigger than the giants in your mind (pg. 68 Infinite God)
 Trust in God’s PRESENCE-He is with you in the circumstance (pg. 55 Deep down in every man...)
 Trust in God’s PROMISE-He will give you VICTORY over your addiction (pg. 25 The great fact…)
Real freedom is freedom from fear, from resentment, from shame, from bitterness, or even from death. How
do you outgrow these things? Let God be God and you be you. Let God love you. When you realize how much God
loves you, you’ll begin to live in true freedom. Look at your concept of God. I believe it is an act of worship to
agree that he is a loving, caring, generous God and that we can rely on the love God has for us. How are you
worshiping Him today? Get on your knees and start today by thanking Him.
By inventorying our fears, we expand our understanding of steps 2 and 3.
To begin our exercise, we take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. This becomes columns
one and two. At the top of column one write out this question: What areas of my life have I not given or am I not
willing to give to God? Then fill in column one with all the areas of your life where this applies. It may be helpful
to use the tornado exercise to help identify these areas. The tornado exercise comes from the Big Book (82:3)
“The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others.” So, if I’m the tornado, who gets
affected first? The person who is closest to me-my spouse. Then mentally, I start spiraling out through my life.
Who gets hit next? My kids. And next? My siblings, parents, friends, co-workers, church members, neighbors etc.
Keep spiraling further out and ask these questions as you go. They will help you identify your problem areas of
control: Have I given each of these relationships and their outcome over to God? Am I still trying to control these
relationships? When I think of these people, does the hair on the back of my neck stand up or am I at peace? Do
these people bother me? Are they a burden to me? And lastly…
I ask these questions: “In what areas of my life have I been generally unhappy, frustrated, angry, or upset
about lately? What have I been complaining about? In what areas has my drama been lately? In what areas have I
not been getting my way? Examples include: My job, finances, investments, relationships, spirituality, physical
condition, etc. When you are done, move on to column two.
At the top of column two write this: Why am I afraid to give these areas to God? I am afraid of:
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Step 4 Guide & homework
Here (column two) we identify why we are afraid and we list all of our fears in reference to the areas of our life
(column one) that we haven’t given to God. Now, number your fears (1,2,3,etc.) and then flip your sheet over and
write a corresponding number on the back of your sheet for each numbered fear. Now that we have a list of fears,
we can turn back to the fear instruction from the Big Book (68:3) “…We ask Him [God] to remove our fear and
direct our attention to what He would have us BE.” So, let’s follow the instruction and ask God to remove each one
of these fears we have just listed. The problem with us sex addicts is that most of us stop there. We miss the
second half of our fear instructions: direct our attention to what He would have us BE. We may have asked God to
remove the fear but we still don’t have a vision of where we need to go with God.
Therefore, we now meditate on what we think God wants us to “be”. Notice that it doesn’t say “do”, it
says, “be”. There is a huge difference between the two (“being” and “doing”) and the best analogy I can make is
“going on a trip”. Before you go on a trip, you have to know from where you are starting (column one) then, you
have to know where it is that you want to go (what God wants us to be) and only then can you figure a way to get
there. It’s the same thing when dealing with our Egos; we need to know where our ego has us deluded (our
starting point). Then we have to realize where we really should be going (what God wants us to be) and only then
we can come up with a plan as to how to get from here to where we need to go. Later, we are given instructions
as part of the 10th Step, (85:1) “Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our
activities. “How can I best serve Thee-Thy will not mine be done”.” Once we have a vision of what God wants us to
be, we write our vision next to the number of the fear to which it corresponds. Think of this as the opposite of the
fear. When we are through filling out our worksheet, we transfer all the data from our worksheet vertically over
onto a 3X5 card and it should look like this:
What areas of my life have
I not given or am I not
willing to give to God?
Why am I afraid to give these areas to
God?
Spiritual Life
14. Out of Control
15. Trusting God
I am afraid of:
Back of 3x5 card What God wants me to BE
Career
1. Not getting what I want
Job
2. Not having enough money
Health or
3. Looking bad,
Body
4. Feeling Bad/Pain
Marriage or
5.Not get what I want,
Relationship
6. Out of control
1. Grateful for what I have. Patient and Faithful
2. Trusting, Faithful, Grateful
7. Being Unloved
8. Intimacy-them knowing too much
Finances
9. Not providing for my family
10. Not enough $$$
Hobby
11. Not getting what I want
Sex Life
12. Not enough Sex, not right kind
13. No Intimacy-being unknown
3. Humble, Righteous, Confident,
4. Courageous, Trusting, Tolerant
5. Humble, Trusting, Faithful, Patient
6. Compliant, Tolerant, Loving, Prayerful, Faithful, Submissive
7. Trusting, Loved, Intimate, Loving,
8. Trusting, Courageous, Strong, Faithful
9.Trusting, good steward, Faithful, Humble, Honest, Prayerful
10. Trusting, Faithful, Grateful
11. Humble, Trusting, Faithful, Patient
12. Tolerant, Chaste, Loving, Intimate
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Step 4 Guide & homework
13. Loving , Tolerant, Chaste, Patient
15. Faithful, Compliant, Courageous
14. Compliant, Tolerant, Loving, Prayerful, Faithful, Submissive
O.K., so now that we have the card, what do we do with it?
Well for starters, in our morning meditation from the Big Book it says that we (84:2) “Continue to watch…” So, we
add this card into our morning prayers, into our “watching” and we also carry this card with us for the next few
weeks. From now on, every time we sense that we are out of sorts; we stop (pause Pg.87:3), and go to the card.
Since we have done all of the inventory work already, the card makes getting back on the beam a whole lot easier.
Let’s take a look:
For this example let’s say that we just found out we didn’t get the promotion at work that we were counting on.
We realize that we are agitated as hell. What can we do about getting our feelings back to normal? Oh yeah, we
remember that damn card we have been carrying around for the past week. So we….
First, identify the problem area:
Which area of your life are you having trouble with (column one)? [Career, Job, Finances]
Which fear or fears has your Ego triggered (column two)? [1,2 &9]
Now that we know the problem, we take action. We pray and ask God to remove the specific fear or fears that
have gripped us.
“God please help me, Father I’m in trouble here and in this state I can’t be of help to you or those about me.
Father, please remove my anger and fear of not getting what I want, of not having enough money and not being
able to provide for my family. Amen.”
Then, we flip the card over and we pray again. This time we pray for the vision of God’s will for us, which we have
already filled out on the card.
“God please help me, Lord, please remove my anger and fear. Please replace them with gratitude for what I do
have, patience in knowing that You have a plan for my life, faithfulness in the fact that You love me and want the
best for me, trust in You, that You will always provide what I need if I keep close to You and perform your works
well. Help me to be Honest with my family and to let them know what has happened today so that as a family, we
may help each other get through this crisis together and lastly; Father, help me to be a good steward of the gifts
you have already given me. Amen.”
Lastly, we answer this question ourselves:
How specifically can I be a Patient, Honest, Trusting, Loving, Grateful and Faithful Steward for God, Right here,
Right now? Take action to do those things today.
Now get to work and “resolutely turn your attention” to making this come to pass. It really does work!
Contact your sponsor daily during the inventory process.
Do you feel like you’re getting hung up on anything?
Are you in need of clarification?
Previous concepts to review:
Are you still powerless?
Are you still willing to believe that there is a Power greater than yourself who, if sought, could restore you?
Are you still willing to go to any lengths for victory over this addiction?
Do you still believe that you are the problem and not others?
How is your decision that God is everything or nothing? Is He everything today?
Address any hesitancy before moving on.
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