1) Thesis Statement: Clear and focused thesis
Not Applicable
A thesis is not
necessary for this
submission.
Beginning
The thesis does not
appear to be relevant,
is not clearly defined,
or lacks focus.
Developing
The thesis statement
is present and clear.
The focal point is not
consistently
maintained
throughout the paper.
Accomplished
The thesis states the
position, premise, or
hypothesis, and is the
focal point of the
paper for the most
part.
Exemplary
The thesis clearly
and concisely states
the position, premise,
or hypothesis and is
consistently the focal
point throughout the
paper.
Thesis statement target feedback:
Welcome to Tutor.com and thank you for submitting your work. You research paper shows your effort and knowledge
on the topic.
Due to time constraint, I could not review your submitted work completely. Kindly incorporate the necessary changes
and resubmit your paper for a complete review.
However, I have provided feedback on sentence clarity, proper supporting arguments of your research paper, along
with thesis statement, development of ideas, and essay structure.
Your thesis statement is well constructed, but it should be placed at the end of the 1st paragraph of your introduction
section. Therefore, you can provide your supporting points of explanation of your ideas, like CG indicators, in a
separate paragraph following your thesis statement.
The introduction part can be started with your own words instead of citing another paper. For example, you can provide
general information about the topic and then provide citations in the following sentences.
Moreover, kindly consider reworking on your introduction to provide only the background information of your topic,
thesis statement, primary focus of the paper, and expected outcome.
The introduction should have funnel or inverted triangle structure as it starts with broad or general idea about the topic
and becomes narrower by focusing on the thesis statement and main points.
For example, an introduction for the topic, “Negative impact of social media on students” could be:
Social media is a part of students of current digital age which are inseparable. Though there are number of benefits
using social media like acquiring new knowledge, sharing thoughts and information and so on, there are some negative
impacts which affects the students. On this line, social media affects the students’ concentration, learning approach and
mental health. This essay analyses these effects to understand and provide scope to identify plausible solutions to
mitigate these negative impacts on students.
In the above example, the first sentence provides general information about social media, and the second sentence
relates it to the topic. This sentence stands as thesis statement providing what the essay has to offer for the readers.
Final sentence talks about the conclusion or possible outcome at the end of the essay.
You can provide citations in the literature review for better clarity and understanding of how your topic varies from
other existing literature.
Consider completing your literature review with the identified research gap in the literature or the research question or
hypothesis of your research paper.
Refer to the following link for writing a basic Introduction:
https://lklivingston.tripod.com/essay/intro.html
Thesis statement help resources:
2) Developing Ideas: Well-developed and logical ideas
Beginning
Shows some thinking and
reasoning but most ideas
are underdeveloped.
Developing
Content indicates thinking
and reasoning applied with
original thought on a few
ideas.
Accomplished
Content indicates original
thinking and develops
ideas with sufficient and
firm evidence.
Exemplary
Content indicates synthesis
of ideas, in-depth analysis
and evidences original
thought and support for the
topic.
Developing ideas target feedback:
Your idea development is clear but seems to be repetitive in most areas. It is better to avoid repetition of same
information from same citations.
For example, Lee and Lee (2019) are constantly repeated in the paper. For example, “Unlike Lee and Lee (2019), who
analyze oil price shock on banking performance through a wide array of CAMEL (Capital adequacy, Asset quality,
Management, Earnings, and Liquidity) matrices in China, this study focuses on major oil exporting countries in
Africa.”
The above sentence is repeated with same information. Consider removing the repetition or adding new information
and similar citations.
Further, the ideas can be more appropriately stated while using references. For example, it is not clear whether Lee and
Lee (2019) are talking only about political factors or other factors like economic stability and country stability. As per
following sentences, we can assume that you are talking about economic stability of the consumers but what about
country stability?
So, you can consider adding citations to economic stability and providing more explanation on country stability and
how it is related to oil price.
Further, you can consider providing an expansion for terms and ideas that you discuss in the literature review. For
instance, in the sentence, “Many of the previous studies have examined the indirect and direct Chanelles through which
oil price shocks may impact banking performance”, instead of just citing the literature, you can provide some
information about indirect and direct Chanelles as provided in the cited literature. It will help the readers understand the
context clearer.
Kindly, refer to the following link for expanding ideas:
Expanding_Ideas.pdf (tutor.com)
3) Essay Structure: Organization and paragraphing
Beginning
Writing lacks logical
organization. It
shows some
coherence but lacks
unity.
Essay structure resources:
Developing
Writing is coherent and
logically organized. Some
points remain misplaced and
stray from topic. Transitions
evident but not used
throughout essay.
Accomplished
Writing is coherent and
logically organized with
transitions used between
ideas and paragraphs to
create coherence. Overall
unity of ideas is present.
Exemplary
Writing shows high degree of
attention to logic and
reasoning of points. Unity
clearly leads the readers to the
conclusion and stirs thoughts
regarding the topic.
Your paper structure can be modified a little for distinguishing the ideas into different paragraphs. Introduction can be
divided into few sections where the 1st paragraph ends with thesis statement and further paragraphs talks about the highlight
of your research paper.
Comparison of existing literature with your current research paper can be provided separately according to the ideas
discussed.
The supporting points can be provided with proper transitional phrases and ideas for logical coherence and better
understanding of your argument.
For example, in the literature review section, you have talked about political factors in the GMM by Lee and Lee (2019). It is
not clear whether Lee and Lee (2019) are talking only about political factors or other factors like economic stability and
country stability. As per the following sentences, we can assume that you are talking about economic stability of the
consumers but what about country stability?
Therefore, you can consider providing a paragraph for political factors, economic stability and country stability separately
with proper transitional phrases.
For further understanding, use the following link for writing a body paragraph.
Body_Paragraphs.pdf (tutor.com)
4) Research/Citation: Proper use of sources
Not Applicable
Citations were not
necessary for this
submission.
Beginning
Sources do not
follow a
documentation style
(APA, MLA,
Turabian, Chicago,
etc.) and are not
listed and/or work
does not appear
original because
citations are not
clear.
Research/Citation target feedback:
Developing
Sources meet the
minimum
requirements for
documentation
following standard
practices of the field
(APA, MLA,
Turabian, Chicago,
etc.). Work appears
to be original but is
not always cited
properly.
Accomplished
Most sources are
documented
following standard
practices of the field
(APA, MLA,
Turabian, Chicago,
etc.). Work appears
to be original and
appropriately cited.
Exemplary
All sources are
documented and
formatted following
standard practices of
the field (APA,
MLA, Turabian,
Chicago, etc.). Work
appears to be original
and appropriately
cited.
Your arguments in the research paper are well supported by cited literature, but consider verifying the in-text citations
throughout the paper. For instance, you can find issues at the places like:
 “Poghosyan and Hesses (200) purport…”
 “…considered major oil exports (ADB. This study…”
 “Ojikutu et al (2017)”
Check APA citation style for in-text citation and provide correct punctuation, Indentation, and complete information of
the literature.
Kindly refer the following link for in-text citation:
https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/research_and_citation/apa_style/apa_formatting_and_style_guide/in_text_citations_author_
authors.html
Kindly refer the following link for paper formatting for headings and indentation:
APA Headings and Seriation - Purdue OWL® - Purdue University
5) Grammar/Mechanics: Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation
Beginning
Errors in grammar and
usage are very noticeable,
frequent, and affect
meaning. Lack of
punctuation, or numerous
errors in punctuation affect
the readability of the text.
Developing
Problems with grammar
and usage are not serious
enough to distort the
meaning but may not be
correct or accurately
applied all the time.
Punctuation is random, and
only the easiest rules show
awareness of correct use.
Grammar/Mechanics target feedback:
Accomplished
Grammar and usage are
good but do not always add
to the style of the writing.
Punctuation is somewhat
accurate, and shows a good
command for readability,
but not creativity.
Exemplary
Grammar and usage are
always correct and enhance
the writing clarity and
style. The punctuation is
accurate, even creative, and
guides the reader through
the text easily.
Though the research paper provides an understanding of your primary focus, there are some grammatical errors on the
mechanics of sentence construction. Kindly incorporate the following suggestions and re-submit your paper for complete
grammar check.
You can also check the links provided under each topic for further clarification on proper grammar usage.
Pronoun:
Consider avoiding first person narration in the research paper. You can use third person for better acceptance of the paper in
the academic arena. For example, consider rephrasing I from the sentence, “I am the first to recognize that CG
indicators…”
Abbreviation:
Consider providing expansions of abbreviations such as ROE, ROA, etc., at their first instance in the paper. On all other
places, using of abbreviation alone is sufficient.
Verb:
The sentence seems to be missing a verb between “literature” and “on the impact”. Consider adding appropriate verb for
clarity. For example, “Based on various literature…”, “Literature survey on the impact of social media”, etc.
Sentence Fragments:
There are sentence fragments in the paper which need to be given more attention. For example,
“These studies have provided evidence that there might be a direct or indirect effect of oil price volatility and banks’
profitability on”
The above sentences do not give complete information. So, you can consider providing answer “on” what? The study shows
the direct and indirect effect. You can add more information to complete the sentences.
For example, refer the following sentence where the preposition mentions the complete information of what does the
subject (social media) impact.
“The study provides direct and indirect impact of social media on the online education”
Consider looking at the following link for more examples:
Sentence_Fragments.pdf (tutor.com)
Punctuation:
Kindly check the punctuation errors throughout the paper. As there are some instances which affect the readability. For
example, punctuation missing in the sentence, “…world The outbreak of Covid-19…”
Kindly refer the following link for significant punctuation guidelines,
Important_Punctuation.pdf (tutor.com)
Tense:
It is better to use the past tense or present perfect tense in the literature review, as it discusses studies that were completed in
the past. Consider the usage of verb tense of all the literature cited in the paper.
For example, “Al Farisi, Sanusi, and Supriadi (2020) stated…” or “Al Farisi, Sanusi, and Supriadi (2020) have stated…”
Grammar/Mechanics help resources:
Suggested revisions:
Overall, the paper is reliable and constructive. With the following suggestions, you can increase the readability and
organization of your research paper.
Consider reworking on your introduction part with clear distinction on the thesis statement and primary focus of the paper.
Consider making the paragraphs more concise and clearer with one argument point per paragraph.
Consider aligning your research paper with provided suggestions on grammatical usage.
Due to time constraints, I have checked only part of your research paper. Kindly opt for live session for grammar and
subject insights on writing a research paper. Moreover, consider resubmitting your paper for deeper insight comments on
the research paper.
If you need further help and clarity on the suggestions provided, feel free to contact us. We are always happy to help you
out.