Is There Only Us in the Universe?
Are there aliens in this universe? What will they look like? Why are people so eager to
find them out? According to (1), the idea/theory of aliens was introduced from the ancient
Egypt. Coming out from the theory part, logically, do aliens exist? Aliens are creatures that are
outside of the Earth. Even though there is a chance that aliens could exist, there are greater
reasons why they aren’t. Aliens do not exist.
Firstly, the Fermi paradox. The Fermi paradox came from a very famous physicist in the
1900s. When hile was eating lunch with his colleagues, he came up with the idea “If aliens did
exist, why aren’t they visit us?” What he said then –-while eating lunch–, became an argument
point now. Carrying on, people were not able to see aliens for the whole time, so what people
think aliens will look like is all fake; it is made up. According to (2), scientists have been sending
signals for aliens to catch since 1974. It’s already been 49 years of hoping aliens do exist, and
hoping there are other organisms in outer our solar systemspace. It is now the time to accept
the fact that there are no aliens. If aliens did exist, they would also be eager and curious to find
other organisms than us: humans and animals. There are mMany people who claim they found
some UFOs and aliens, but it does not make sense. If the aliens already knew that there was a
planet called ‘Earth’, that was vibrant, and organisms existed, aliens must have tried to
communicate with us and maybe tried to concur with the Earth. Currently, humans are
searching for a better place/planet to live: because the Earth is dying, wouldn’t it be the same
for them? There is no single sign of aliens trying to contact humans, so there is a higher chance
that aliens do not exist.
Secondly, thinking beyond logic, it will be better for humans to not to believe in aliens,
even if they exist. Human beings have never seen or met aliens before, so humans don’t know
what they will look like and what their personalities are like. They might not look like how we
thought they would for our whole life. They might look like bugs, have 7 legs, 4 eyes, no ears,
etc. According to (3), people only know about 45% about aliens. This suggests that people are
still 55% unsure about aliens, which is more than half. Aliens might be violent, and greedy. They
might begin a war with humans. There will also be damage to society, because of wars; a lot of
damage will be caused. All the damage will occur on citizens, the innocent ones. Do we need to
risk this much damage to just contact organisms in outer space? Not only that, there will be
new laws, because there are new organisms going to our Earth. From this, concessions must
happen; from both humans and aliens.
메모 포함[MOU1]: Engagement from the hook
메모 포함[MOU2]: -Article: Place ‘the’ only in front of
specified general nouns, not proper nouns
메모 포함[MOU3]: -Diction: Instead of relying on
comparatives, use elevated diction to express more degree
changes
메모 포함[MOU4]: Clear thesis statement providing the
position of the author on the issue
메모 포함[MOU5]: -Phrase: A clause requires both a subject
and a verb
메모 포함[MOU6]: Clear topic sentence providing the 1st
support to the thesis statement
메모 포함[MOU7]: Inclusion of relevant anecdotal evidence
메모 포함[MOU8]: -Non-essential: Surround ‘non-essential
elements’ with commas or dashes
메모 포함[MOU9]: Inclusion of relevant evidence
메모 포함[MOU10]: Clear claim
메모 포함[MOU11]: Inclusion of relevant scientific evidence
메모 포함[MOU12]: Clear claim
메모 포함[MOU13]: -Syntax: Avoid the passive construction
of ‘there is/are’
메모 포함[MOU14]: -Non-essential
메모 포함[MOU15]: -Preposition
메모 포함[MOU16]: Effective rhetorical question about a
potential explanation
메모 포함[MOU17]: -Combining sentences: Combine two
independent clauses with a comma and a coordinating
conjunction
메모 포함[MOU18]: Clear concluding sentence
메모 포함[MOU19]: Clear topic sentence providing the 2nd
support to the thesis statement
메모 포함[MOU20]: Clear claim
메모 포함[MOU21]: Clear claim
메모 포함[MOU22]: Clear claim
메모 포함[MOU23]: Inclusion of relevant scientific evidence
메모 포함[MOU24]: -Listing: Do not use a comma when
there are only two items
메모 포함[MOU25]: Clear claim
메모 포함[MOU26]: -Subordinate clause: Do not place a
comma before a subordinate clause
메모 포함[MOU27]: Clear claim
메모 포함[MOU28]: -Subordinate clause
메모 포함[MOU29]: -Semicolons: Semicolons can only be
placed between two clauses
Thirdly, lack of evidence. Those viral videos on YouTube about UFOs visiting the Earth
proved that they are fake or something else. It's often believed that we can't be the only
intelligent life form in the universe, and that's why many people believe in the existence of
aliens. However, there is yet to be any concrete evidence that proves the existence of aliens.
There have been no verified pictures or skeletons of aliens, and even the ones that have been
presented as evidence are highly likely to be fake. All skeletons that were thought to be aliens
were too obvious to be fake because they were too similar to what people believed aliens
would look like. It's crucial to remain skeptical and not jump to conclusions based on unverified
claims or assumptions.
메모 포함[MOU30]: -Phrase
In conclusion, aliens do not exist because firstly the Fermi paradox, and secondly, it
would rather be beneficial for humans to think that aliens do not exist. Lastly, there is a lack of
evidence proving the existence of aliens. The interesting question - do aliens exist?- will be
continued unless people are able to find them, but for now, there is a higher chance that aliens
do not exist in this universe.
메모 포함[MOU36]: -Adverbial phrase: Place a comma after
an introductory adverbial phrase
*Well-researched and written, but there are several important grammar mistakes to address
before moving onto writing abilities. Focus on correcting the following: ‘phrase vs clause,’ ‘nonessentials,’ ‘combining sentences,’ ‘subordinate clause,’ and ‘semicolons.’ Once these grammar
mistakes are clearly addressed and grammar mistakes are minimal or non-existent, we can start
focusing on writing abilities. Good job!
-Article: Place ‘the’ only in front of specified general nouns, not proper nouns
-Diction: Instead of relying on comparatives, use elevated diction to express more degree changes
-Phrase: A clause requires both a subject and a verb
-Non-essential: Surround ‘non-essential elements’ with commas or dashes
-Syntax: Avoid the passive construction of ‘there is/are’
-Combining sentences: Combine two independent clauses with a comma and a coordinating conjunction
-Listing: Do not use a comma when there are only two items
-Subordinate clause: Do not place a comma before a subordinate clause
메모 포함[MOU31]: Clear topic sentence providing the 3rd
support to the thesis statement
메모 포함[MOU32]: Clear claim
메모 포함[MOU33]: Clear claim
메모 포함[MOU34]: Clear claim
-Evidence: Support claims with evidence
메모 포함[MOU35]: Clear concluding sentence
메모 포함[MOU37]: Summary of the main points of the body
paragraphs
메모 포함[MOU38]: Clear conclusion
-Semicolons: Semicolons can only be placed between two clauses
-Evidence: Support claims with evidence
-Adverbial phrase: Place a comma after an introductory adverbial phrase
(1) = scienceinfo.net
(2) = scientificamerican.com
(3) = popularmechanics.com