Social Superstar
First Published in Paperback 2008
By Sumi Books
Text Copyright: Anthony Almeida 2008
The moral right of the author has been asserted.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,
stored in retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means,
electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without
the prior permission in writing of the publisher, except by a reviewer who
wishes to quote brief passages in connection with a review written for
insertion in a newspaper, magazine, or broadcast.
A catalogue record is for this book is available from the US Library
Design and Typeset by Jeffrey Posner
Printed and bound by Lulu
Cover picture used with permission from the author.
ISBN:
Every reasonable effort has been made to acknowledge the ownership of copyright
material included in this book. Any errors that have inadvertently occurred will be
corrected in subsequent editions provided notification is sent to the publisher.
Walden Books
NY8, NY
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The Best of TSBMAG.COM
SOCIAL SUPERSTAR:
Best of TSB Magazine Vol. 1
Table of Contents
Introduction
Part 1: The Confidential Social Intelligence Manuscript
9
Part 2: The Best of TSB Magazine
106
Section One: The Dating Articles
5 Keys to Playing the Role of Being Wanted
107
10 Lessons for Successfully Hooking Up
109
Emulate a Celebrity for Instant Rapport
113
Using an Opinion Opener to Initiate Conversation
115
Being Comfortable Talking Dirty
118
10 Ways a Girl Can Keep a Guy Like Me
120
Keeping Cool and Plowing On
123
How to Talk to Younger Women
125
Going Caveman on Women
127
Never Show Emotion When She Walks Away
129
5 Tips for Lasting Longer in Bed
131
How to Get Better in Bed
133
Having Trouble Getting Hard
135
Wimps into Winners
140
Ultimate MySpace Jealousy Tool
145
Aim Lower
146
PUA Openers, Openers, Openers
147
How to Calm Your Sexual Neediness
150
Are You the Man or Just the Fan?
151
Section Two: The Inner Game Articles
The Hero, the Bounty, and the Purpose Driven Life
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Social Superstar
Integrity Makes a Man
159
The Great Gatsby Complex
162
Build it, and They Will Come
166
Why You Shouldn’t String Girls Along
169
The Anatomy of the Sickness
171
Living with Passion
175
7 Secrets for Getting Out of a Slump
177
Can You Control Your Emotions Like Arod
180
Going Down in Flames
182
Bust Through Your Comfort Zone
185
Section Three: Alpha Living Articles
10 Ways to Immediately Make Yourself More Attractive
187
3 Tips for Abs of Steel
191
A Manly Guide to Choosing Your Drink
194
7 Steps to Naturally Boost Your Testosterone
197
How to Naturally Increase Energy
199
How to Redo Your Wardrobe
203
Winning the Day 1 College Roommate Wars
213
Section Four: The Stories
The Buenos Aires Hooker Juice Incident
216
Fortaleza Nights (Part 1)
222
Fortaleza Nights (Part 2)
226
Ten Years After I Took Her Virginity
229
My First Piece of MySpace Pussy
233
The Return of a Pickup Artist (Part 2)
240
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Snowballed
247
Hotel Room High
249
The Early Days: Experimenting With Speed Seduction
253
The Falling in Love Pattern
257
Don’t Buy the Cheap Sex Toys
260
The Drunken Night in Medellin Story
264
Section Five: 31 Days to Better Game
Day 1: Designing Your Life
270
Day 2: Developing Inner Game
273
Day 3: Updating Your Look
276
Day 4: Always be Advertising
278
Day 5: Being High Status
280
Day 6: How to be a Good Flirt
285
Day 7: Approaching and Opening Women
290
Day 8: Improving Conversation Skills
292
Day 9: How to Build Comfort
296
Day 10: Being Funnier…
302
Day 11: Push Pull/Cocky Funny
304
Day 12: Body Language 101
313
Day 13: Building Your Social Circle
317
Day 14: How to Properly Tease a Woman
318
Day 15: Creating a MySpace and Facebook Profile
324
Day 16: Tips for Flirting Online
334
Day 17: Phone Game Strategy
338
Day 18: Text Game for the PUA
343
Day 19: How to Go on First Dates
347
Day 20: How to Get a Day Two
350
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Day 21: Building Sexual Tension
354
Day 22: Preparing Your Bachelor Pad
356
Day 23: Quick Lesson in Kino
361
Day 24: Body Language 202
363
Day 25: Being the Badboy
368
Day 26: Friend into Lover (part 1)
371
Day 27: Friend into Lover (part 2)
374
Day 28: Managing a Relationship
377
Day 29: Tips for Getting Better in Bed
380
Day 30: Ending a Fling or Relationship
382
Day 31: Perform a SWOT Analysis on Yourself
385
Index
387
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Dedicated to Morgan Chase II
Introduction
This book is five years in the making!
Who was there for the red and black days? For those that just came on
board recently, the red and black days refers to the early days of TSB
when it had a blood red header with a black background and white text.
And Mike and I thought the site looked hot.
Putting this book together brought back many memories. I had to search
through over 1,500 articles to choose the very best. The evolution of the
site, in a way, represents the evolution of both the life of me, and the life
of Michael Stoute.
We wanted to make this book a diverse look at the four years leading up
to its publication. Instead of focusing solely on dating articles, stories, or
self help type articles, we chose to break the book up into six parts.
These six parts are a great representation of TSB Magazine, as well as
Bobby Rio and Michael Stoute- the men behind the magazine.
Another reason we chose to break the book up into four parts is because
we think you will get more value of it that way. There are articles in here
that will help you with all aspects of your life. For instance, if you
bought this book for the pickup advice, you might be pleasantly surprised
in six months to read some articles about fitness, fashion, or inner game,
you may have missed earlier when you ‘re were concentrating solely on
devouring all things pickup.
The six parts of this book are as follows:
Part 1: The Confidential Social Intelligence Manuscript
This is our never before released manuscript for becoming a social
superstar. This manuscript was first created over 10 years ago. Over the
past 10 years it has been tested and refined. This contains everything you
need to know to climb to the top of any social ladder.
Part 2: The Best of TSB Magazine
The Essential Dating Articles
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Social Superstar
Going through our huge library of dating, pickup, relationship and sex
articles, I found it tough to choose “the best” so I decided to choose
articles that give you a well rounded approach to improving your dating
life.
Most of these articles came out Mike’s and my own personal experience
of improving our dating life. It wasn’t a quick and easy ride for either
one of us… we hope that these articles will make your ride a little less
bumpy.
The Inner Game Articles
These are some of the articles that mean the most to me. Through the
many phases I’ve gone through as a person during the five years we were
creating this magazine… these articles resonate with every period. The
topics transcend dating advice, as the entire core principles can be
applied to any area of your life, and I am confident you’ll see a marked
improvement.
This section is also the most timeless… as long after the days you are
married with children… I hope that you still pick up this section of the
book and reread some of these articles and find inspiration from them.
The Alpha Living Articles
Like the Inner Game articles I chose to include these Alpha Living
articles because they too, are timeless. These are articles that you can
read when you’re a sixty year old man, and still learn something from.
Whether you’re interested in getting in shape, maximizing your energy, or
just learning the art of ordering a man’s drink in the bar… you’ll find the
information in this section.
Alpha Living is a way of life that you’ll hopefully continue throughout
your lifetime. It is about fulfilling your dreams… and doing so in style.
Stories, Tales, Lies, and Exaggerations
The fun stuff! Over the past five years, Mike Stoute and I have
chronicled our stories on TSB. These are the stories that made Bobby
and Mike the men they’ve become. You’ll read some inspiring stories…
and other stories that display our humiliation. Some stories will educate
you… other stories will entertain you… and other stories will have you
asking “why the hell did I ever take advice from these guys?”
31 Days to Better Game
31 Days to Better game was an extremely popular series we ran at TSB
Magazine where we presented a different lesson every day that would
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help you improve your dating life. There are 31 lessons that walk you
through many different areas of game.
Whether you’re a novice or an experienced PUA, I believe that you can
get something out of following the 31 day plan.
The lessons were brought to you by some of the best dating coaches,
bloggers, and gurus, all giving their unique perspective on improving
certain areas of game.
I think you’ll enjoy this section a lot.
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Social Superstar
Confidential Social Intelligence Manuscript
Table of Contents
Introduction
Chapter 1: What defines a superstar?
Chapter 2: Image is everything (authority + social proof)
Chapter 3: The 10 Second Impression (authority + social proof)
Chapter 4: Building Your Social Resume (authority + social Proof)
Chapter 5: The Attitude (liking + scarcity)
Chapter 6: Be Captivating (liking + scarcity + authority)
Chapter 7: Cultivate a fan base (commitment + liking + reciprocation)
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Introduction
This manuscript has been developed over the past 10 years. Everything
in this manuscript has been tested and refined. It works. The only
reason I have not released it up until now is because many of the
strategies contained in this manuscript I have personally used within
some of my current social circles.
This manuscript was first conceived while I was back in college. One of
my friends and I attended a private seminar held by social scientist Dr.
Robert Ciaduini. We took the teaching of Dr. Ciaduini, which focused
on the psychology of influence, and we applied to the realm of climbing
the social ladder.
The teachings in this manuscript transformed my friends back at
Montclair State University from relative nobodies- into a group of men
who threw 400+ people parties, and were even featured on prime time
news for our antics at the Homecoming day parade.
After graduating college I took the principles originally constructed and
altered them a bit for "the real world." I found them to be even more
effective.
It was around 2002 and that I found the underground seduction
community. At that point I was just coming out of a relationship and
began studying the art of seduction. It was at this point that I took the
original manuscript and began altering it to include some more of the
hidden techniques of some of the world's best pick-up artists.
This manuscript is not going to teach how to be the world's best pick-up
artist. Pick-up artists are usually defined by their ability to cold approach
a random woman and quickly close her. If you follow the guidance of
this manuscript- you will never have the need to cold approach again.
This manuscript is about building an empire of friends and fans. And
with those friends and fans… women will naturally follow.
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Social Superstar
Chapter 1: What Defines A Superstar?
So you want to be a Social Super star? And live large?
Some guys are just born with inane gift to control the energy of any
room they enter. These guys will often be referred to as charismatic,
charming, or simply enigmatic. People will naturally want to be around
them. They will want to be associated with them. Other people want to
drink in the enthusiasm, energy, and vitality that the social superstar
produces.
When you think of social superstars- who come to mind? Maybe you
know a few guys personally who have this characteristic? Or maybe you
immediately think of a guy like George Clooney, Tom Brady, Tommy
Lee, or Johnny Depp. No matter how different the external image of
these guys may seem, there are certain characteristic that they all share.
These characteristics are the blue print for social superstardom.
While simply copying their characteristics will not land you roles in
motion pictures, or have you quarterbacking in the Super Bowl -it will
have you commanding the power and respect these guys have, within
your specific social scene.
Right now, I would like you to take the time to think about the guys you
have met in your personal life who have best exemplified the image of
social superstar. Spend a minute to get a clear picture of them in your
mind. Once you have a clear picture of them in your mind, focus on
specific aspects of them.
First, hear the way their voice sounds when it comes out of their mouths.
Listen to the way they talk. Listen to the way they construct their
conversations. Listen to the way they use humor casually. Envision the
way the carry themselves. You should picture their specific body
language, posture, and sense of personal style.
Now I want you to spend a minute writing down the different
characteristics of them that jumped out at you. What aspects of them are
unique and unlike the many others you come in contact with who don’t
possess their charisma?
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After you have jotted down a list of the distinct characteristics I want you
to dig a little deeper. I want you to envision the way other people react
to them. Hear the way people speak about them when they were not
around. Envision the look on people’s faces when they walk into a
room. Or the energy that is sucked out of the room when they depart.
Imagine the way a woman would react to one of their advances. Imagine
the way their entourage would follow one of their commands.
Now spend a minute writing down the different ways in which people
react to them. Try to describe the energy that these social superstars
instilled in others around them. Try to capture in words, the envy that
other people felt towards them. Write down the desire that women had
toward them.
The reason that I have asked you to write down both the specific
characteristics of these men and the specific ways in which people
reacted to them, is because it is my way of outlining the goal for this
manuscript.
If you want to become a Social Superstar, you must first have a clear goal
of what you are trying to become, and why you want to become it.
In the following chapters I will delve much deeper into the process you
must go through to elevate yourself to Social Superstar status amongst
your social scene, and ideally onto a greater stage.
The Reaction They Receive
What you must first understand going forward is that what causes these
men to rise to the level of social superstar has nothing to do with what is
inside of them. In fact, fundamentally it has nothing to do with them at
all. It has everything to do with the way that people react to them. You
can't become a superstar if you don't have fans propping you up.
I will repeat this phrase for emphasis: It has everything to do with the
way that people react to them.
This is important for you to fully comprehend this for two main reasons.
First, by understanding that there is nothing unique inside of these menyou'll know that you too are capable of reaching their level. And second,
you'll realize that by using the principles of persuasion and influence- you
can manipulate the reaction you receive by others.
Over the course of this manuscript you will learn to use the principles of
persuasion and influence to climb to the highest level of any social
ladder.
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Social Superstar
Chapter 2: Image is everything (Authority +
Social Proof)
Your objective:
The objective of creating an image is to establish both authority and
social proof.
The image you present to the world should establish you an authority on
your scene. Your image should sub consciously tell the people within
your scene that you are the person to look up to for determining what is
cool, trendy, or hip.
Your image should also convey social proof. In this chapter you just
need to recognize that by being trendy and fashionable you are
presenting yourself as having a high level of social intelligence. People
will automatically assume that since you have the social intelligence to
stay fashionable- you are actively involved with "cooler" social circles.
The Plan:
Image is everything.
It is how you carry yourself. Think like this. When you walk into a
parking lot, what cars catch your attention? The Ford Taurus? The
Toyota Corolla? No. The 745i series. The Corvette. The Porsche. The
SL500 Mercedes convertible. These cars are sitting right alongside of
hundreds of other cars. But you notice these cars. They don’t yell out for
your attention. They don’t flag you down, and say “look at me” But these
are the cars you look at because of their reputation, their fine details, and
their alluring Image.
These cars have a presence and if you want to be a social superstar you
need to have just as powerful of a presence.
You need to dress fashionably. You need to know what the current
trends are before most everyone else. You can’t wait for your peers to tell
you what to like. You have to be ahead of them with the trends. Because
if you’re waiting for them to dictate what you can wear, or what music
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you can listen to, chances are by the time you’re wearing it, it’s out of
style.
Social Superstars know what the current trends are because they are
keenly aware of what is going on, or they have friends that are keenly
aware telling them what is going on.
You need to be up to date with the trends. If you don’t have “cool”
friends then you need to be following fashionable websites, blogs, and
magazines to know what the trends are. It isn’t called “being trendy” for
nothing.
When it comes to creating your image, I always suggest modeling
yourself after a celebrity that you most resemble or whose style you
would like to emulate. Celebrities pay fashion consultants thousands of
dollars to keep them trendy… there is no reason not to take advantage of
the lessons they teach with every outfit they wear.
Generally I recommend picking a celebrity you most resemble. But it is
also important to pick someone who fits the style you are going after. If
you’re going after the “bad ass” look you would want to choose someone
like Colin Farrell. If you’re more of the athlete type choose someone like
Tom Brady or Tony Romo. If you’re the artsy music type choose
someone from a popular band. If you’re going for a preppy look choose
someone like Matt Damon. The examples I’m giving may be outdated by
the time you read this. Choose someone in their twenties. Choose
someone who is well known and followed in the media.
You don’t want to copy their style from a movie. You want to copy their
style from their day to day life, what you see in the gossip magazines.
You are probably thinking that you can’t afford the clothes they are
wearing. You’re right. You can’t. But what you can do is mimic the
clothes by purchasing similar outfits of less expensive brands. Another
option that I’ve done is go to thrift shops or Salvation Army stores with
clip outs of outfits you want to put together. You can by a whole new
wardrobe for like $50.
You can also start putting more of your focus, money, and energy toward
you image. This is the basis of who you are in the public eye. Instead of
dropping $60 on a new video game… buy a pair of the trendiest
sneakers you can find. A solid pair of kicks is your best investment.
Spend $100 if you have to. Everything else can be second hand. But the
sneakers must be the real deal. And once they’ve run their course and
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Social Superstar
gone out of style. Buy a new pair. A good pair of sneakers or shoes is the
cornerstone of a good wardrobe.
But image is more than just wearing trendy clothes. It is the total
package.
In the next chapter, The 10 Second Impression, I am going to go into
great detail about how to use things like physiology, body language,
tonality, and posture to build immediate social proof. But for remainder
of this chapter I want to give you some more hints on how to make your
image more appealing.
The Elements of Image and Charisma
Here are some other tips to enhance your presence and image - from The 7
Elements of Charisma.
* If you’re white, work on maintaining a healthy tan. No sunshine? Find
a nearby tanning salon.
* Pay attention to how you walk, sit, and stand. Your posture should
make you appear to be confident and at ease with your surroundings.
Even if you’re not at ease, pay attention to your posture so that it seems
as though you are.
* Flaunt a sincere, friendly smile at strategic intervals (but don’t overdo it
- learn to read when it is called for, and when it’s not). A sincere, friendly
smile is a strong weapon. It breaks the ice, tears down people’s walls,
automatically paints you as a person of high self- esteem and confidence.
* What is your mind set? You are in a situation that requires a strong
focus on tact and diplomacy. Meaning, knowing when to speak, and what
to say when you speak, knowing when not to speak, and knowing how to
carry yourself throughout.
* How do your eyes follow the crowd? As if you’re disinterested
(meaning, you’re not paying too much attention to any one person) - and
that’s because you feel that there is nobody worthy of your attention. In
other words, you’re never “star-struck” because you are the star. In the
end, your goal is to give off the impression that you’re a prestigious
person accustomed to ranking high in social circles - not even the
blonde-bombshell walking by can shake this poise. You may cast a
glance, but you’re too prestigious to stare. People around you WILL
notice this and subconsciously decide that you ARE a person of prestige.
In a world where most people lack a high level of self-respect, it is easy to
stand out when you have it and it shows. And if you don’t have a high
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level of self-respect (again, like most), then fake it. Take note - the trick
to faking it is to fake it with sincerity (this will be repeated further along).
In the chapter on attitude I will give you tips to help the right attitude to
come naturally to you.
By themselves, these simple details regarding a positive, prestigious selfimage don’t accomplish much, but when packaged together they merge
for great effect. And now you’ve created “presence.”
When creating a charismatic image, you’re using this instinct to your
advantage (which most people can’t control because they’re unaware that
it is something happening in their subconscious). Here’s an analogy: If
you look like a thug, you’ll be prejudged as probably being a thug. If you
look like your gay, you’ll be prejudged as probably being gay. And if you
look like a charismatic person used to respect and even admiration, you
will be prejudged as a person who is probably charismatic and worthy of
respect and even admiration.
Once you’ve been prejudged, it’s that much easier to create the effect
that you’re after. Notice that we used the word “probably” in the above
paragraph? We use the word “probably” to represent the other person’s
expectations. This is what he or she expects. And because they expect it,
now it’s that much easier to give it to them.
Many elements make up Image; presence is but one. Most people don’t
understand the charismatic persona and can only assume that it comes
naturally to some people. Maybe for a very rare and select few. For the
rest of us, it is an acquired art - something that we practice in our daily
encounters with others until it is developed over time. Charisma opens
many doors and will get you into many places otherwise far off limits. It
is a very influential tool when you want something.
You need to always be conscious of how you appear to other people.
You need to give off the impression that you are an important person
and are considered an important person by others.
* Before speaking to a person, you ask yourself: How is this person going
to interpret my next few words? What kind of effect are they going to
have? What effect is it that I’m going for? Will I sound like I know what
I’m talking about? Or will I sound like a fool? Will I sound confident? Or
will I sound cocky? Will I sound sincere, or will I sound fake? Will I
come across as a good conversationalist, someone who listens more than
he speaks? Or will I seem as though I talk too much and therefore am
not a good conversationalist?
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Social Superstar
The above advice is sound, but you don’t want to fall into the trap of
constantly being inside your head worried about what you are going to
say. What you say doesn’t have to be perfect... You just want to think for
a brief second if what you are saying conveys confidence and coolness, or
if it makes you sound like a showboat, a coward, or hurts your image in
any other way.
You need to be a good conversationalist. If you don’t have any clue what
makes a good conversationalist read through some of the articles on
http://www.tsbmag.com about building conversation skills. These
articles should provide a nice foundation for becoming a better
conversationalist.
Remember, you are being watched at all times. This means even when
you are not actively engaged in a conversation you need to present you
best image. Below are some tricks you need to convey:
* Never seem to be in a hurry - hurrying betrays a lack of control over
yourself, and over time.
* Always seem patient, as if you know that everything will come to you
eventually.
* Your actions must seem natural and executed with ease - so when you
act, act effortlessly, as if you could do much more. Cloak your focus on
the elements (which will more than likely seem intense when you first
start practicing the art) by being confident on the outside and relaxed on
the inside. Never let them see you sweat.
* Practice being subtle (”subtle,” as used here, means ‘So slight as to be
difficult to detect or analyze; elusive.’).
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Chapter 3: The 10 Second Impression (authority +
social proof)
Your Objective:
The objective of manipulating your non-verbal communication is to
establish both authority and social proof.
The non-verbal communication you present to the world should
establish you an authority on your scene. You are not only completely
comfortable within your scene, but those around you appear to respect
you and look up to you.
Your non-verbal communication should sub consciously tell the people
within your scene that you are used to being treated well. It should
convey that you are comfortable as the leader. And it should present you
as a man with high social intelligence. The combination of these three
attributes you will provide you with the requisite social proof you need.
Your Plan:
Imagine that you're sitting at a table in a crowded bar. You are observing
everything that is going on around you. As you sip your beer you are
making 10 second judgments on everyone that passes your table.
A man walks by; he is of above average looks, wearing a nice button
down shirts, trendy jeans, a stylish haircut, and an expensive watch. Your
3 second judgment so far is positive.
The man walks up to the bar, avoiding eye contact with the other
patrons. The bartender is busy and the man is forced to wait there for
his drink a moment. There is a person to his right and left, and neither
of them has squeezed over an inch to let him in. He keeps timidly
putting a finger up to get the bartender's attention. While the bartender
is serving a girl on the other end of the bar, the guy just stands there,
slouched down, and squished, nervously rubbing his chin.
In less than a minute your entire perception of him has changed. Not
only has your perception of him changed, but so has every girl's who was
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Social Superstar
eying him down as he walked by. So has the perception of every guy
who was subconsciously sizing himself up against the guy for dominance
on the social hierarchy.
Everything we've gone over in the preceding chapters regarding creating
the look of a superstar is important. Yes, you must dress fashionable and
cool. Yes, you must present your physical attributes in the best possible
light.
But you must be aware that there is more at play then how you are
dressed up. There are certain telling cues that allow people to make
instant decisions about your level of self esteem, your social intelligence,
and your sex life.
If you walked into any high school in America, within minutes you would
be able to tell which of the students were of the popular crowd, and
which of the students were bound to be eating their lunch alone in the
cafeteria. You wouldn't have to speak to a single one of them. It is all
prominently on display by the way they carry themselves, their walks, and
the amount of eye contact that they make with other students. These are
the non verbal cues that people look for when making a snapshot
judgment on someone else.
We've already discussed fashion, grooming, and physical appearance.
We've talked about how it is important that you always present your best
self, in your best outfit. But that is not enough to be a superstar.
That guy… standing alone waiting for his drink. He's a good looking
guy, in a nice outfit, tan, and has a body most guys would kill for… but
he just looks uncomfortable and out of place. Although all of the
physical signs should be pointing to "cool" it is apparent that he is
anything but.
There is a saying I love "Walk the talk."
The Irresistible Offer
This means that you need to be completely congruent in all areas of your
identity. You need to create the irresistible offer.
"The Irresistible Offer" is the title of a book by Mark Joyner, in which he
talks about how the best marketers create a short pitch that is so
powerful that it is almost impossible not to buy. He claims that in
today's marketplace, you have extremely limited time to catch the public's
attention. You need to not only present them with the features, the
benefits, the proof, but you also must take away any last hint of doubt.
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The best way to remove any last hint of doubt is to "Walk the talk" and
carry yourself like a superstar. The way you carry yourself is the one
thing that cannot be faked. They can bring you onto MTV's Made, and
have you done up by the best fashion consultant, personal trainers, and
makeup artists in the world… but if you're body's non verbal cues remain
the same; you will be identified as a fraud immediately.
In the following sections we are going to go into detail in the different
areas that make up your non verbal cues. These areas in include: body
language, posture, eye contact, and how well you follow the general rules
of intrapersonal communication.
If you are going to create yourself to be "the irresistible offer" you need
to hit them from every one of these angles. Everything about you needs
to be congruent, and must stand up to the test of scrutiny.
I don't want you to mistakenly interpret this to mean that you must be
perfect. As we will discuss later in "Never appear too perfect" you must
show some vulnerability and flaws… the flaws just can't come involve
any of these cues.
I was at a seminar listening to the legendary Brad P speaking about how
to get a 10 minute lay. Brad is a well known social artist, and has a cult
following of men who aspire to be like him. In the first few minutes of
the speech Brad gave some details about the various 10 minute lays that
he has had in his lifetime.
After his powerful stories of success, he asked the audience why they
believed he is able to continually have women willing to sleep with him
after knowing him for less than a half hour.
One by one members of the audience raised their hands to give their
input.
The first student says, "Because you are extremely confident"
And Brad says "Yes, I am extremely confident, but there are a lot of
extremely confident guys who don't pull girls into random bathrooms for
spontaneous sex"
A second student says "Because of the way you dress."
Brad, who dresses like a rockstar, says "It's true I dress in a sexy way…
and if a woman was going to fuck a guy in ten minutes he'd probably
look like me… but no, that isn't why."
A third student says "It's got to be that you know how to talk to a girl in
a way that will get them horny enough to fuck you."
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And Brad says, "Oh… I get them so horny they can hardly contain
themselves when I talk to them… but a lot of guys can talk a good
game."
The students shout out several more answers. Meanwhile Brad has been
writing each answer down on the teleprompter in front of him.
Finally Brad points to the seven answers on the screen.
"Everything" Brad says. "I get ten minute lays because I am all seven of
these answers. I am confident, I am dressed like a rock star, I talk good
game, I have sexy body language, and I make it impossible for them to
not want to fuck me in ten minutes…"
Brad presents the women he meets with "the irresistible offer."
How to Create Comfortable Body Language
Sex is hypnotic. That's why it's used so blatantly in advertisements. How
do you give your appearance that same hypnotic appeal as sex?
In the previous section, the example we used of the man waiting for his
drink, made us feel uncomfortable. The man, standing awkwardly alone,
brought to our minds all of our own insecurities, anxieties, and fears.
None of these feelings are sexy. We may keep our gaze on the man, but
we would be doing so in the same way we that we just can't turn away
from a car wreck.
So what is the secret to hypnotic body language?
It is easier than you think.
They key to creating hypnotic body language is comfort.
Sean Connery is highly regarded as the actor that best portrayed the
character James Bond. While it can be argued that all of the actors nailed
the part… it is obvious upon watching a few scenes of Connery as Bond
to notice just how comfortable he appears in the role. His body language
makes you forget that you're watching an actor PLAY James Bond. He is
so comfortable in the role… that you believe he is James Bond.
If you want to create a hypnotic presence as a superstar… you need to be
so comfortable in the role that your audience accepts your role without
reservations.
4 Ways to Make Your Body Language More
Hypnotic
1. Be relaxed
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2. Be powerful
3. Be confident
4. Slow down
We are going to show you how to demonstrate these four qualities to
further illustrate how to create a compelling presence.
There are three main body positions in most social situations which you
can use to convey comfort:
1. How you stand
2. How you walk/move
3. How you sit
Here is an explanation of each.
Be Relaxed
The easiest way to make people comfortable around you is to be relaxed
around them. Subconsciously people tend to mirror the people they are
surrounded by. The more relaxed you appear to be, slowly those around
you will tend find themselves falling into a relaxed state.
If you want to achieve relaxing body language you first must relax all of
your muscles. This is especially true of your facial muscles. When we are
nervous we tend to tense up our jaw muscle. We also tend get really
tense in the shoulders, causing an almost crawled up appearance.
Along with relaxing your muscles you need to relax your mind. If your
mind is nervous… it will be harder to control your physiology. The
easiest and most productive way to relax your mind is through slow
controlled breathing. Once you slow your breathing down, your heart
rate naturally follows. What you are basically trying to do is put yourself
in a sort of hypnotic state of relaxation.
The interesting thing about physiology is that once you learn how to
manipulate it, you can use it to your advantage pretty regularly.
If you are nervous and tense when you go out… naturally the physiology
you present will be that of a nervous and tense person. But if you learn
to control your physiology, and stop the nervous, tense gestures… your
brain will assume a position of relaxation.
In order to make physiology work in your favor it is necessary to
recognize your nervous habits, so that you can put an end to them.
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Below are some of the nervous habits that you will need to avoid… and
ultimately replace with more positive empowering habits.
When people feel insecure or nervous they start to have trouble sitting
still. Their insecurity eats away at them and they feel forced to constantly
be moving their hands. Some people will rub their chin or neck, other
people with run their hand through their hair, others will juggle the loose
change in their pocket. Doing any of these things immediately screams
that you are not comfortable in your present situation.
It is important to remember to keep control of your hands. Get in the
habit of catching yourself whenever you find that you are performing any
of the above habits. The minute that you recognize yourself using your
hands to display nervousness… immediately stop and place your hands
by your side in a relaxed manner. Fight the urge to start rubbing,
touching, or fiddling. At first it may be a constant battle with yourself,
but after enough training you will naturally no longer perform these
nervous ticks.
The beautiful thing as I mentioned earlier is that the discontinuation of
performing these nervous ticks will trigger in your brain that you are no
longer nervous… and your brain will command you to act in the way you
naturally do when you are comfortable.
Looking relaxed when walking
One of the most common ways a man displays nervousness while
walking is to keep his hands in his pockets as he walks. This behavior
communicates that you’re nervous and that you feel awkward. You don’t
know what to do with your hands so you shove them in your pockets.
Instead, let them hang naturally by your sides. Force yourself to relax and
let your arms just fall. At the beginning you’ll have to force this, but after
some practice, you’ll start to automatically relax more in social situations.
Looking relaxed while standing
Nervous ticks such as swaying from side to side, playing with your hands
or fingers, moving around too much, or playing with your drink all tell
the set and everyone around you that you are not only nervous around
them, but that they are higher value and thus, you are emotionally
reacting to them. The emotion of nervousness often manifests itself
through these nervous behaviors. Eliminate them. You’ll notice a marked
improvement in your interactions.
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Another thing to be conscious of when you're standing in a bar or club is
the “drink shield.” This is when people hold their drink in front of their
chest in a social environment. The subcommunication behind this body
language tick is that you’re nervous and uneasy. So your instinctive
reaction is to cover your midsection (traditionally the most vulnerable
spot on most mammals) with some sort of protection. In this case it’s the
drink. Instead, hold your drink down by your hip and don’t cross your
arms or take a protective stance. You are trying to convey abundance,
security, and relaxation with your body language.
Looking relaxed while sitting
When you sit, the objective is to take up space while appearing relaxed
and comfortable. Don’t overdo ‘taking up space’ lest you come off as tryhard.
Once seated, keep your hands away from your face and hair. There is
nothing good that your fingers can do above your neck. It is best to keep
your hands apart, but if you find that you are fidgeting too much then
cup your right hand face down in your left hand, which is face up. Don't
squeeze your hands, simply let them lay together on your lap.
While you are seated it is best to keep both feet on the floor. This helps
you maintain control and good body posture. If you are constantly
crossing and un-crossing your feet and legs you'll appear uncomfortable,
and if you keep one foot on your knee while talking you might have a
tendency to shake the free foot, creating a silly looking distraction. Feet
belong on the floor.
Being Powerful
While having a relaxed appearance will surely make others around you
feel more comfortable, alone, it is not enough to create that hypnotic
captivating presence. You will need to incorporate several other
characteristics into your body language. One of which is power.
The reason that you want to display power and dominance is because
these qualities communicate value. A low value person can be relaxed…
but very few low value people will be both relaxed and powerful. A
superstar knows how to balance the two.
As we spoke about above in relation to "being relaxed" you will find that
the more powerful a physiology you present, you will naturally come to
feel more powerful.
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I learned this technique years ago while listening to an Anthony Robbins
CD in which he describes "the cape walk." The "cape walk" is technique
in which you imagine you have a Superman cape hanging down your
back. You then go on to walk as if this long cape is flowing down your
back. After experimenting with the "cape walk" for several weeks I
began to naturally feel more powerful as I walked.
It is important to learn some of the ways that people give their power
away as to avoid them, and make a conscious effort to recondition
yourself to avoid the negative habit in the future.
People that feel a lack of power tend to offer nothing to the world. One
of the hallmark traits of this behavior is head straight. It displays a lack of
enthusiasm and energy towards life. These are not the kind of people
other people want to interact with... as they appear to have nothing to
offer. It can also give off the impression that you’re uncomfortable with
the way you look and are trying to hide your face. Avoid holding your
face up with your hand. This displays the image that you’re too bored or
tired to bother holding up your head- these impressions present that of a
less than powerful person.
Another way to give your power away is to lean in when talking to
someone. The minute you lean in you have just handed them the power
in the conversation. Many times guys do this because they believe that
the other person cannot hear them. If you think that you're having
trouble being heard then maybe you should work on your tonality and
voice projection.
Looking powerful when walking
One of the most efficient ways to walk in a more powerful way is to
implement the Gunslinger Walk. The Gunslinger Walk is based off of an
article originally published by Sebastian Drake.
Here is the article in its entirety, as I think this article is best
representation of keeping your power as you walk.
Throughout society, people often get into a situation where two people
are walking directly at each other. Whenever this happens to you, one of
three things happens typically:
I. You move for the other person.
II. You both move halfway out of the way.
III. The other person moves for you.
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People move for people that they see as higher status than them
subconsciously. The most common and obvious example are beautiful
women, and then high status men. The man might have status from a
style of dress, large muscles, or just the way he carries himself.
When you move out of someone’s way - especially a beautiful woman you’re signifying that you see her as better than you. This does not bode
well for meeting her later.
Henceforth, you NEVER move for another person based on status
alone. You’ll move if you meet someone handicapped, elderly, or young
children - and that’s it. With people who are also high status, you will
move a half-step out of the way, and they will move the other half step.
With a solid presence, you will feel people who believe themselves lower
social status than you moving out of your way as you move through the
world without you even doing anything.
The Gunslinger’s Walk is a highly exaggerated style of walk based on
highly successful men and the caricature and archetype of an 1800’s
gunslinger - either the white-hat sheriff, or the black-hat bandit. Men
who moved with raw electrifying presence.
Gunslinging isn’t necessary, but it can be a hell of a lot of fun. It’s
mirrored off people who brim with the utmost confidence. Simply
observing one of these people can strike wonder, awe, and inspiration
into the hearts of those around them. The key elements of a Gunslinger’s
Walk are:
Horizonview: Staring beyond the crowd and expecting it to part.
Thrown back shoulders: The essence of good body language.
Roll in the heels: An exaggerated roll of the heels at the end of each step.
Roll in the hips: An exaggerated push from the hips with each lift of the
leg.
Slow movement: Moving extremely slowly through crowds.
Knowing smile: The disarming, self-assured smile finishes the look.
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The Horizon view
The legendary cowboys did not look at a crowd as they moved through
it: Their eyes were always looking past, staring off into the horizon and
the adventures that lay beyond. In modern times, you see the most
beautiful women and high status men not looking at people directly in
front of them, but instead staring past them into the distance as they
think about what goals they want to achieve.
Every time two people walk directly towards one another in a straight
line, it becomes a negotiation. The lower value person moves from the
way of the higher person. By taking a long past view at the horizon, you
transcend the negotiation and the struggle, and people are more likely to
move out of the way of you as you pass.
Thrown back Shoulders
Rise up to your full stature. Remember to keep your shoulders back and
broad at all times, with your chest out and your stomach in. Picture the
cowboy - he never made himself small, or meek, or falsely humble. He
moved with purpose, and with his full stature.
Roll in the Hips and Heels
When your foot lands, land first with your heel, and “roll through” into
the front of your foot, pushing off the ball. To aid you, you can mentally
imagine a “ka-ching” sound like a cowboy’s spurs every time your foot
touches the ground. Ka-ching… ka-ching… ka-ching…
Throw your hips into your walk, rolling them through so you rock ever
so-slightly back and forth each time you move. This will add to your
stature once again, and draw a bit more attention to yourself. It’s crucial
to keep your view to the horizon if you’re rolling your hips: You look like
you’re a larger than life figure that way, as opposed to just trying to court
attention.
Slow Movement
When gunslingin’, it’s crucial to move at a slow pace. When you hurry
through the world, it’s hard to get people to move for you. To take this
to its logical extreme, if someone is stopped, everyone is forced to go
around them. So move slower than people around you - it gives you a
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presence, makes you look powerful, and means people scurrying will tend
to defer to you.
The Knowing Smile
When gunslinging, remember to smile - don’t try to “look hard”. It’s a
slight, knowing, self-assured and self-confident smile, with just a dash of
cockiness mixed in. A slight smile goes a long way with gunslinging to
keep curiosity mixed in and soften you up slightly.
How to Part a Crowd
Here’s the secret behind my legendary gunslinging performances: Once
two people simultaneously break out of your way at the front of a crowd,
people’s natural instincts are to follow the people in front of them. They
assume that someone or something important is coming through, and
tend to break sideways. The effect becomes more pronounced the more
people who do it: So, you start gunslinging, with a view on the horizon,
great body language, rolling your heels and hips, moving slowly, with a
slight knowing smile. You don’t look at people in front of you that are
oncoming, you look at one point off into the distance where you’re
walking.
Then, one person moves - then two. Jackpot, there’s a great chance the
crowd will break and you can then “part the seas” as you move through
it, which creates quite a stir, quite an impression, and quite an entrance.
Directing Traffic
One last tip that’ll help with gunslinging, if you choose to try it. This
one’s a bit more advanced and complicated, so get the fundamentals
down first.
You can “direct traffic” by which hand you hold up as people are walking
towards you. The key is to lift up the opposite hand of the way you want
the person to go, with your palm facing towards they way you want them
to go.
So, if you want someone to pass you on your left, raise your right arm
from your side upwards. Your palm should be facing left. This “directs
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traffic”, though it’s tricky to get. Once you get it though, it’s invaluable,
especially in nightclubs.
The Gunslinger’s Walk is a potential nuclear reactor in your social
toolbox, so have fun and use it wisely. Don’t go overboard with it, or get
high on the power…
Looking powerful when standing
If you want to have a powerful presence while standing than the first rule
is to take up space. In the example we used earlier about the guy in the
bar, squished between two other customers as he waited for his drink,
was a clear example of standing in a less than powerful way. In that
example the man clearly gave up his power to the other two customers
who forced him to stand there uncomfortably.
When you’re standing, you want to stand with your feet shoulder-width
apart or slightly wider, shoulders pulled back, standing up straight, and
chest somewhat out. Your weight should generally be towards the rear of
your soles (closer to the heel) so that you always appear to be leaning
back. It should not be an uncomfortable stance, but one which clearly
does not lend itself to laziness. Picture the way a U.S. Marine would
stand when at ease. Your stance should project confidence. Your hands
should drape at your sides the way they naturally fall. Do not put your
hands in your pockets or cross them over your chest.
Keep your head up. If you need to look away, look up, never look down,
it’s a sign of weakness and also looks unattractive. You can observe this
in others. Looking down even has been proven to have a bad effect on
your mental state.
Looking powerful while sitting
What you want to communicate is that you do not make any apologies
for your existence and that you are used to always being comfortable.
Useful tactics to convey this include draping your arms over the backs of
chairs or over the seatbacks of booths or couches. Your upper body
should ideally be leaning back without hunching over. Feet and legs can
be spread moderately or crossed ankle-to-knee. Sliding forward slightly in
your seat will allow you to lean back even in a vertically-backed chair.
The main communication here is that you are comfortable and confident.
Do not cross your arms over your chest for this reason.
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Being Confident
As I mentioned earlier…there’s a bonus beyond the initial differences
that changing your body language communicates to the outside world.
It also can change your inner one.
Seriously, this works. The Japanese have long held the belief that a
cluttered home leads to a cluttered mind, and a clean one, a clear one.
The outer world touches our inner one, and when you change the way
you move, you also change the way you think.
Don’t believe me? Try it. Pick a wall and stand up straight against it.
Your feet, butt, shoulders, and head should all touch the wall, exerting
about the same amount of pressure (no smooshing). Now walk away
from the wall, but hold the pose for 5 minutes.
How do you feel? Right, like someone stuck a pole up your ass. Just what
we were going for.
It’s going to feel weird for awhile, because it’s different and new. Keep
going, though, and eventually it won’t feel weird. In fact, it’ll start to feel
good. You’ll find yourself with this new confidence that wasn’t there
before and doesn’t seem to have much of an explanation.
Except that you are standing like you are confident. Cause and affect get
blurred, and you wind up feeling a certain way just because you are acting
that way.
Either way, you look better standing straight, and you project confidence
to all comers. Women find you more attractive, even if they aren’t selfaware enough to know why. Co-workers and those around you often
might comment that you seem…different.
Looking confident while walking
If you read and follow the Gunslinger Walk as discussed above, you will
naturally be projection power and confidence as you walk.
When you walk or move, the object is to convey dominance and
purpose. Your hands should swing naturally at your sides while you walk
but without looking either stiff or “floppy.” Practice this in the mirror if
you suspect they are moving unnaturally. Walk at about 50% of your
normal speed when in the venue. When you are moving towards
something (a set, an exit, the bathrooms, etc), take the shortest route
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possible—usually a straight line. Instead of circling a set several times like
a vulture, walk straight up with confidence. Similarly, when moving
through the crowd, you want to project dominance. Oftentimes women
notice you and the way you move or interact with people and they make
judgments about you before you’ve even noticed them.
Looking confident while standing
If you are slumped over, slouching, or shuffling your feet, or if your head
hangs down, you give the impression of having low self esteem, lack of
confidence, and even appearing depressed.
We will go into more detail regarding posture in the following chapter,
but for right now it is important to know that standing erect (not "stuck
up") gives the impression that the person is confident, self-assured,
optimistic, alert, and healthy.
Once again, simply following the rules for looking relaxed and powerful
will make you appear more confident as you stand there.
Looking confident while sitting
The best way to appear confident while sitting is to follow the advice for
both looking relaxed and powerful. A relaxed and powerful person tends
to appear very confident.
In an upcoming chapter on interpersonal communication rules I will go
over the correct ways to interact with others. Once you have a
foundation for the laws of interaction, you will naturally become more
confident in your interactions. This will radiate from you.
Slowing down and taking deliberate actions
Watch a few James Bond films. Have you ever noticed that James Bond
never looks like he doesn’t know how to act?
And that he never fidgets or behaves nervously?
Everything James does is a little slower than it should be. He’s just too
cool.
Try learning how to turn your head slowly, how to blink slowly, how to
change facial expressions slowly… and how to gesture slowly.
This makes a huge impact on how others perceive you.
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This kind of body language transmits the message: “I’m so comfortable
in my own skin, it hurts”.
Look around slowly and smoothly, don’t dart around and jolt your head
around like you have been drinking espressos all day long.
Your new body language habits to implement
immediately
Habit 1: Make it a practice to hold eye contact with everyone that you
meet. While doing the talking you should be holding eye contact for the
majority of the time. If someone else is talking to you, hold eye contact
about 50% of the time. If you’re talking to a group of people switch eye
contact up between the different members of the group… but always be
holding it with someone.
Habit 2: Get in the habit of walking around with your head up and your
neck straight. In the beginning you will need to constantly be checking
yourself. Create a little game with yourself to remind yourself to pay
attention to your posture. Tell your friends to point this out to you.
Habit 3: Keep your muscles relaxed. This is especially true of your facial
muscles. When we tend to get nervous we tense up in the jaw. You need
to keep your face free of this stress.
Habit 4: Smile often. If you don’t have a naturally attractive smile than
you should practice in front of a mirror. A smile displays a positive
energy that is infectious.
Habit 5: Push your chest out a bit and pull your shoulders back. The
idea is to take up some space. This is another habit you will have to
check often to avoid falling back into the old habit of slouching.
Habit 6: You should keep your feet about as far apart as your shoulders.
Habit 7: Take up space when you sit. Spread yourself out a bit. Don’t
slouch and look sloppy, but don’t be afraid to get comfortable.
Habit 8: Walk with confidence and power. This means your head should
be high, neck up, chest puffed out a bit, shoulders back, and take big
slow steps. Try never to appear to be in a hurry or flustered. Also walk
with direction. This is especially true when walking through a bar… you
never want to give off the vibe that you’re looking for the cool place to
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be. You want to give off the vibe that you know where it is and already
are heading there.
Habit 9: Avoid making sudden hyper gestures. Every gesture you make
should flow naturally at the same speed as your previous gestures.
Habit 10: Use hand gestures when telling a story. When talking to
someone avoid clutching on to your beer or putting your hands in your
pocket.
The trick to pulling all these habits together is to use slow calculated
gestures. If you’re giving a girl a once over, do it slowly like it doesn’t
embarrass you that she noticed. If you’re grabbing a drink off the bar
take it at a speed that says “I’m in no hurry.” Try learning how to turn
your head slowly, how to blink slowly, how to change facial expressions
slowly… and how to gesture slowly.
Rock Star Posture
A signature of any rockstar is their posture. It is also the grace in which
they move across the stage. Think Jim Morrison. Think Lenny Kravitz.
Think Billy Idol. Tommy Lee.
These guys knew how to command a stage with their bodies. They had
their audiences hypnotized by their movements, gestures, grace, and
poise.
A man becomes more attractive when he exhibits grace and poise. It's
like he is embodying the hypnotic characteristics that make romance
novels so popular. He is promising chivalry, elegance, and gentleness.
If you want to see an example of a man going through this
transformation, David DeAngelo commonly recommends his students to
watch "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels." In the movie Michael Caine's
character teaches Steve Martin's character how to be a European style
gentleman.
It takes a constant and conscious effort to achieve rockstar posture.
Most of us have downright horrible posture… let alone rockstar posture.
The good news is that if you make yourself constantly aware of how your
body appears, and are routinely making the necessary adjustments, you
can have the same hypnotizing poise as Jim Morrison.
How to improve your posture
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Most people don't even know what good posture is. When you tell
someone to work on their posture they automatically start walking
around like they are in the Marines. Most people think that to "stand up
straight" means tensing your back to heave your chest 'in and up', and
pulling your head back in to your chest. This isn't the posture you should
be striving for.
If you're unaware of what good posture looks like rent some James Bond
movies. Or any movie starring George Clooney, Tom Cruise, or Brad
Pitt. These guys are trained by professionals to be the embodiment of a
movie star. Sure, you might not have the money to hire their trainer…
but that doesn't mean you can't emulate their posture and poise.
The spine has two natural curves that you need to maintain called the
'double C' or 'S' curves; these are the curves found from the base of your
head to your shoulders and the curve from the upper back to the base of
the spine. When standing straight up, make sure that your weight is
evenly distributed on your feet. You might feel like you are leaning
forward, and look stupid, but you don't.
If you're serious about working on your posture you better get
comfortable standing in front of a mirror. You'll need to constantly be
watching yourself. If you've got a mirror nearby go to it right now and
align your ears, shoulders, and hips. These points make a straight line,
but the spine itself curves in a slight 'S'. It shouldn't hurt at all if you try
this. If it does, you're probably forcing your back into an unnatural
position.
Now follow the above steps:
1. Hold your head up straight with your chin in. Do not tilt your head
forward, backward or sideways.
2. Make sure your earlobes are in line with the middle of your shoulders.
3. Stretch the top of your head toward the ceiling.
4. Keep your shoulders back, your knees straight and your back straight.
5. Tuck your stomach in. Do not tilt your pelvis forward.
6. The arches in your feet should be supported.
Good posture involves training the body to stand, walk, sit and lie in
positions where the least strain is placed on supporting muscles and
ligaments.
Stretching and exercise to improve posture
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You want to do exercises that strengthen the muscles across your back
and shoulders. You're not looking to build muscle mass… so you don't
need to do the exercises with a large amount of weight. In fact, you can
even do these exercises without hand weights.
1. Align your ears over your shoulders. Raise both arms straight up,
alongside your ears. Remember to keep your ears aligned! Bend forearms
toward shoulders to touch your shoulder blades. Do 10 repetitions with
both arms, then alternate 10 reps for each arm singularly.
2. Align ears with shoulders. Raise both arms out to sides at shoulder
length. Hold for a slow count of ten. Slowly lower arms to sides,
counting ten as you lower. Slowly raise arms back to shoulder height,
counting to ten as you raise arms. Do ten reps, constantly checking your
alignment! If ten reps are too many to start, do as many as you can. You
should at least feel a slight fatigue in the shoulder muscles.
3. Be a penguin. While you wait for a web page to load, toast to pop, or
the microwave to beep, place elbows at your side, and touch your
shoulders with your hands. Keeping your hands on your shoulders, and
your ears aligned, raise both elbows (count one, two) and lower them
back to your waist (count one, two). Do as many reps as your wait allows.
You'll be surprised how much exercise fits into 30 seconds.
When you first begin to improve your posture you might find that you
neck or back will tend to get a little sore. This is why it is important to
do some of the following stretches:
Tilt (stretch) your head in all four directions over your shoulders
(forward, back, left, right), and gently massage your neck. Avoid rolling in
a circle, as it may cause further strain.
On your hands and knees, curl your back upwards, like a cat, and then
the opposite. Think about being able to place a bowl in the hollow of
your back.
When you first make the commitment to improve your posture you
should repeat these exercises several times per day. I'd probably start my
day off doing them to feel fresh and add some extra energy to my
morning.
If you have the time I good idea might be to take a yoga class. As you'll
find in later chapters… a social superstar is looking for every excuse he
can to find new ways to mingle with people and make new friends. A
yoga class is a perfect example of one of these methods.
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As we discussed in the previous section on body language there are 3
general times the superstar needs to be keenly aware of his posture… and
constantly working on improving it. These 3 areas are sitting, standing,
and walking. If you're following the body language advice laid out in the
previous chapter on these three areas you'll have already noticed a
significant natural improvement in your posture. But we know by now
that "Rockstar Posture" is crucial for a superstar… here are some more
ways you can improve in these areas.
Sitting
•
Sit in an office chair.
•
Align your back with the back of the office chair. Avoid
slouching or leaning forward, especially when tired from sitting in
the office chair for long periods. Keep your shoulders straight.
•
Flex your arms at a 75 to 90 degree angle at the elbows. You may
have to adjust the office chair.
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Make sure your neck, back, and heels are all aligned.
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Keep both feet flat on the floor. If there's a problem with feet
reaching the floor comfortably, a footrest can be used along with
the office chair.
Standing
Stand with weight mostly on the balls of the feet, not with weight on
the heels. Avoid locking your knees.
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Keep feet slightly apart, about shoulder-width.
•
Let arms hang naturally down the sides of the body.
•
Tuck the chin in a little to keep the head level. Be sure the head is
square on top of the neck and spine, not pushed out forward
•
Stand straight and tall, with shoulders upright.
•
Stand against a wall with shoulders and bottom touching wall. In
this position, the back of the head should also touch the wall - if it
does not, the head is carried too far forward (anterior head
carriage).
Social Superstar
Walking
•
Keep the head up and eyes looking straight ahead. Avoid pushing
your head forward.
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Keep shoulders properly aligned with the rest of the body.
The most important thing to realize when working on improving your
posture is that bad posture is like a bad habit. And we all know how hard
habits are to break. Standing in front of a mirror for a couple days
practicing won't get you lasting results. If you want lasting results you
need to find a way to engrain this into your mind for a couple months.
This means that for a couple months it is necessary that you are
consciously aware of your posture.
It is probably most effective if you find a way to constantly be reminding
yourself to be in tune with it. Tie a string on your finger, set your phone
alarm to go off randomly as a reminder, or keep an index card in your
pocket with the words "Rock Star Posture" on it.
The Eyes
One of the most important and critical components of displaying
powerful and confident body language is the eyes. Our eyes reveal more
about us than any other part of our body. Just be glancing into
someone's eyes you can often tell what is going on inside their mind.
There are six basic emotions in the human race. Each of these emotions
are easily expressed through our eyes. A glance into someone's eyes can
often reveal if they are experiencing happiness, surprise, disgust, fear,
anger, or sadness.
The eyes are often referred to as "the windows to the soul." This
statement is powerful because not only does it acknowledge the fact that
we can read other people by simply looking into their eyes, but that other
people can read us by looking into ours.
There is an accepted idea that most people will judge other people within
the first five seconds of meeting them. If this is really the case, then
doesn't is make sense to have them hypnotized by your eyes and your
understanding of their wants and desires? You can do this by using your
eyes to build rapport, and create a feeling of arousal in the person you are
trying to attract.
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When it comes to presenting confident body language, all of the experts
will agree that strong eye contact indicates a powerful presence. But it is
important to know how to correctly use that eye power as to not
intimidate or scare away the person that you are trying to attract.
In later chapters we will go into more details about picking up women,
and the various rules and insights that go along with the process. In this
chapter I want to give you some various pointers in regards to the use of
eye contact in regards to body language, and marketing yourself.
It is important to know that men and women have different comfort
levels in regards to the amount of eye contact that they are willing to give
and receive. For instance, men tend to fix their gaze on one or two
particular women in a setting… not paying attention to the many other
women that might be watching them. Women on the other hand, will
casually scan the room, giving second glances to the men they are
interested, and moving past the men they are not.
As we will discuss in later chapters, knowing that you are always being
watched… it is important to use eye contact correctly and efficiently. If
you make eye contact with a woman it is a good idea to give an
acknowledgement to let them know you have noticed and are interested.
This acknowledgement could come in the form of a smile, nod, or eye
brow raise. If you don't get an acknowledgement back, then chances are
you misunderstood her eye contact. This is why it is important that if she
gives you an acknowledgement, you should always give one in return if
you are interested.
But eye contact in regards to picking up women is something that I will
discuss more later. In this chapter I want to discuss ways in which you
need to continually be aware of how you can use your eyes to your
advantage.
When you are talking to anyone it is generally accepted that you use the
70% rule in the United States. 70% of the time you will at the other
person in the "eyes triangle." This triangle extends from the ends of the
eyebrows to the tip of this person's nose. Caress your partner with your
eyes as you gaze into their eyes. When you break eye contact, do not
break to look at another person. Keep the focus of attention on the
person you are talking to. When you intentionally break eye contact, do
so by looking down, to the left, or to the right. Looking up in response
to a question or while telling a story is fine, but looking up to break eye
contact is often thought of as waning interest.
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Here is some scientific research on eye contacted as found in Kevin
Hogan's book Irresistible Attraction:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
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Generally speaking, the longer the eye contact between two
people, the greater the intimacy that is felt inside.
Attraction increases as mutual gazing increases.
Others rarely interrupt two people engaged in a conversation if
they have consistent eye contact.
Pupils also enlarge when people are talking about things that
bring them joy or happiness. They often contract when
discussing issues that bring them sadness.
Women are better non-verbal communicators than men. Men
can improve though. One reason men aren't as good in reading
body language is hat men often communicate sitting or standing
side by side and don't see as much non-verbal communication as
women do.
Women engage in more eye contact them men do.
Eye contact has been show to be a significant factor in the
persuasion process.
When women are engaged in a great degree of eye contact, they
tend to be more self-disclosing about personal subjects.
When eye contact decreases mend tend to disclose more and
women tend to disclose less.
The longer your eye contact, the more self esteem you are
perceived to have.
The more eye contact you can maintain, the higher self esteem
you actually rate yourself on.
Researchers have discovered that one of the most striking differences
between people who are socially confident and those who are shy, is that
confident people have much more frequent eye contact with their
conversational partners.
Many shy people never make eye contact at all, tending to look
downward or away, instead of looking at their conversation partner’s
face.
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Most North Americans, especially Caucasians, prefer to have a lot of eye
contact when they are talking with someone. When a person doesn't
make eye contact with them, North Americans tend to assume that
person is hiding something. The very phrase "shifty-eyed" connotes a
person whose eyes dart around the room, implying that they are
untrustworthy.
When you are speaking with someone who is from a culture that prefers
a lot of eye contact, be sure to keep looking at that person frequently
while you are talking, even while you are wondering what to say next.
You don’t need to use a piercing stare, a friendly gaze will do.
If it really bothers you to look directly into another person’s eyes, you
can look at the person’s face without focusing solely on the eyes. If you
gaze generally at the eyebrow area or the bridge of the nose, this is close
enough to the eye region that you will appear to be looking at the
person’s eyes. You may find that it eases your own discomfort if you let
your vision go slightly out of focus.
Whenever you are in conversation with someone, keep the majority of
your focus on the other person. If you glance around the room too
much, or look too frequently at other people, your conversation partner
may assume that you are bored, or that you are looking around for
someone else you would rather talk with.
If you have difficulty knowing exactly how to make eye contact, you can
benefit from practicing in front of a mirror, or with another person.
While some people have difficulty maintaining eye contact during
conversations, others have the opposite problem. They stare too intently
into other people’s eyes when they are talking to them, often making
their conversation partners feel very uncomfortable. It can be very
unpleasant to be on the receiving end of an intense stare, particularly at
close range.
In many animals, the use of staring is part of a power struggle to
determine which animal is dominant over the other. In humans too, a
struggle for dominance over another can often be signaled by a staring
contest. Avoid intense, prolonged staring into another person’s eyes,
except in very rare situations.
Although some people use staring intently as a deliberate tactic to
intimidate others, not all people who stare piercingly at others mean it as
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an act of aggression or dominance. Some people who stare very intently
into the eyes of others are quite unaware of the negative impression they
are creating.
If it has been your habit to stare intently into the eyes of other people
without looking away, you may have been making your conversation
partners very uncomfortable. You can lighten the impression you are
making by smiling more often, nodding, and by gazing at the entire face
as well as the eyes. In addition, you can frequently glance away for brief
periods.
Although most North Americans like to have a lot of eye contact with
their conversational partner, this is not true of all people. If you have
grown up in a cultural group that expects eye contact, it can be a shock to
find out that eye contact is not always welcomed.
There are many countries in the world where looking someone in the eye
is considered to be disrespectful and an invasion of privacy. Even within
North America, there are some cultural groups that prefer not to make
very much eye contact.
In many cultures around the world, averting your eyes and keeping them
lowered is considered the polite, desirable thing to do. In North
America, people of African American and First Nations origin usually
prefer to make far less eye contact than Caucasians do.
If you are dealing with someone who has different cultural practices than
what you are used to, make an effort to be sensitive to the expectations
of the other person if you want to have a smooth relationship.
Key Components of Hypnotic eyes
These are some ideas that you can take with you for using your eyes as a
tool for marketing yourself better. These tips are from Kevin Hogan's
Irresistible Attraction.
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Start with your eyes. Are they clear or are they bloodshot?
People who look at you will notice and the clearer your eyes the
more attractive people will perceive you to be.
If you wear sunglasses, get ready to take them off. Hey can add
Mystery, but ultimately people want to see what they are getting.
They want to see your eyes.
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•
•
•
•
•
•
If you wear glasses, consider contacts or surgery. People need to
see your eyes.
If you want to attract someone, look at them.
Look at a woman from shoulders up and she will think you have
depth and personality.
Look at the person you are talking to about 70% of the time
when communicating with them.
Avoid looking at others for any length of time when you are with
someone who may be special. Make the person feel like they are
the only person in the room that could possibly catch your eye.
Remember the longer they have eye contact with you the more
emotional arousal they are experiencing inside.
5 non verbal gestures you should master using
your eyes
1. Eyebrow shrug. Not everyone can do this, but most folks can.
Raising both eyebrows can be used to show a number of different moods
and expressions. An eyebrow shrug can signify that a person is surprised,
or is expecting a response - it can almost be used as a dare or challenge.
A quick, subtle shrug of the eyebrows (sometimes held longer) can also
be used to express interest. It is often done subconsciously by both men
and women - you can shrug your eyebrows at her to let her know you’re
interested, or make a note when she shrugs hers at you, because she’s
interested too.
2. Wink (one eye). A favorite of television rakes and seducers, the wink is
nonetheless a fantastic means of communication. It’s sufficiently
mysterious that it gets girls wondering, and shows a strong degree of
social confidence and awareness on your part. The wink is a great way to
respond to a woman when she asks you a question you don’t feel like
answering if she’s giving you a hard time…
3. Slow, hard blink (two eyes). This is an easy and effective way of
communicating disbelief, as in, “Did you actually just say that?” Two
versions: in one, you are looking away and to the right when you open
your eyes. This is the version that puts more social pressure on the girl
(to qualify herself or retract a remark). In the other, you are looking
straight at the girl when you open your eyes - this is the more playful (still
with some social pressure) version.
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4. Squint. The squint is a way of saying that you are thinking about
something, or alternatively that you doubt the truth or accuracy of
something that is being said. If you look at a woman and squint, it can
seem like you are sizing her up and trying to decide if you like her a lot.
You will see that many men who are good with women squint while they
are talking to them. It helps to place them in the position of being the
slightly skeptical selector.
5. Ultra-skeptical look. This is when you look at a woman like she just
said the most retarded thing you’ve ever heard. Basically, you pull your
lips into a half-smile (with one side of your mouth), while kind-of
laughing/huffing in a “I can’t believe she said that” way, and
simultaneously shrugging your eyebrows. You hold this look and stare at
her until she gives into the social pressure.
Intrapersonal Communication Rules
One of the hallmarks of a superstar is the way in which he interacts with
other people. When most people think of good conversationalists they
automatically think the ability to talk well. As we will discuss in future
chapters… the ability to talk well is one of the most important
characteristics of a superstar. But in there is more to an interaction than
just words.
Think James Bond. Think Don Draper. These guys don't always say a
lot but they have the amazing ability to communicate more in glances and
movements than most guys do in entire sentences. In the previous three
sections we discussed how critical body language, posture, and your eyes
are in creating a seductive hypnotic presence. These are the elements
that make up an interaction. But even the interaction itself plays apart in
how you come looking out of it.
What I mean by this is that there are certain rules that you can follow that
will always present you in the best possible light, as the most socially
conscious in the room.
For instance, the simple act of selecting where you sit can display
dominant alpha characteristics that will also facilitate the communication
process.
Here are some basic rules about choosing your seat in different
circumstances.
If you are meeting a client or friend and you know that they are right
handed sit to his right. If he is left handed sit to his left.
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If you are attempting to persuade another man you should be sitting
across from each other.
If you are attempting to communicate well with a female in business or a
social setting, you should be seated across from her at a smaller more
intimate table.
Whether seated or standing you should stay out of the other person's
intimate space. Intimate space is normally defined as an 18 inch bubble
around the entire body of the other person. Entering this space is done
so at your own risk. This doesn't mean you can't lean in to share a secret
with him or her, it just means that when you do enter this space you are
doing so strategically and with specific intention.
Similarly, if you leave the "casual personal" space of the other person,
which is 19 inches to 4 feet, you also stand the risk of losing the focus of
the client.
When you are communicating with another person you need to be
consciously aware of your facial expressions and hand gestures. These
are the first thing someone notices about you during conversation. And
these are "features" that are within your control.
A pleasant, relaxed countenance that responds to conversation with a
natural smile looks of alertness and interest, sparkling eyes, and an
attentively tilted head are all looks that gain universal approval. A smile
not always changes the way people respond to you, but if positively
changes your internal chemistry.
Do you find that people often ask you what's wrong? Even when you're
completely content? If so it means that you need to seriously work on
your facial expressions.
There are two solid ways to work on facial expressions. The first is to
stand in front of a mirror and try out different expressions. When you
find the ones that look best, practice them. Keep performing them over
and over again until it feels natural for your face to contort to those
specific expressions.
The second way to practice facial expressions is with the aid of a video
camera. This is the ideal way because by videotaping yourself in a social
situation you get to see how your face naturally contorts while in
conversations. This is more "real" than looking in a mirror as you will
have the opportunity to see all of your habits in action.
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Once you've identified the habits that you want to change, then you must
find new expressions to replace them with. It is at this point that the use
of a mirror will come in handy. Now you have specific goals that you
want to achieve in regards to your facial expressions. Work on it, and
then once again have someone record you in a social situation. You can
continue this process several times until you get rid of all of your nervous
ticks, unfavorable expressions, and perfect your smile.
The use of a video camera can also really help you identify the body
language, posture, and eye contact habits that you may want to work on.
It is incredible how much we don't know about ourselves until we
carefully study ourselves on film.
Trust me, this will be an uncomfortable exercise for most of us. We will
notice things that will probably make us feel embarrassed or ashamed.
But it is imperative that you face this, and overcome it. This is exactly
the kind of training movie stars, models, and musicians go through with
their stylists and publicist. You need to be your own publicist.
Using your hands
Some people talk with their hands. There is a lot that can be
communicated with the hands. This is why you must be conscious of
what your hands are saying.
People from across the room can observe you and learn a lot about you
by the way you use your hands in conversation.
For instance, the guy who uses flailing, darting, jerking or broad
movements pushes people away be defining large space around off limits.
Likewise, nervous gestures such as tapping your fingers on a table and
picking at your face or nails can make you look insecure.
It is much more graceful and relaxing to cup your hands together. Hand
gestures generally take place in a square area defined up and down by the
waist to the neck, and from side to side by the width of your shoulders.
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Chapter 4: Building Your Social Resume
Your Objective:
The objective of building your social resume is to create massive social
proof for yourself- and then put that social proof on auto-pilot. Building
an online social resume allows you influence many more people with
much less effort.
Your Plan:
In The Four Hour Work Week Tim Ferriss points out that in today’s
world the definition of an expert is largely created through the affiliations
he or she belongs to, the testimonials they have, and the appearances
they’ve made.
This means that in order to coin yourself an expert in say, the real estate
world, you would need to belong to several trade organizations, have a
bunch of happy customers , and have performed some speaking
engagements or received some media coverage relating to the subject.
With this definition… in all likelihood, anyone can become an “expert”
on any subject in a short period of time.
I believe that you should view your social life in the same way.
Building Your Social Resume
If you use the above formula for “becoming an expert” and apply it to
“becoming a social superstar” you will quickly see your social status sky
rocket!
We human beings don’t have the time or energy to really dig deeply to
find out the truth about someone… so we look for the clues that will
make these judgments easy for us.
We want to be able to quickly classify a person into a certain group, so
that we know how to approach and deal with them.
It is known that girls use this tactic all of the time in bars and clubs to
make their judgments on guys. This is why it is taught in the community
that you need to create social proof through being the most social guy in
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Social Superstar
the place and then using routines and stories in your conversations that
further exemplify your high social status.
While I completely agree with this theory… I believe that you should
take it a step further and position yourself as a Rockstar.
How do you do this?
You do this the same way a so-called expert builds his resume. You
affiliate with other rockstars, you get testimonials, and you make
appearances at the right venues.
A couple months ago Mike Stoute, Pete the Freshman, and I added to
our social resume when we attended the party at Playboy Mansion.
Sure I had a vague curiosity to party at the Mansion… but I knew it
wouldn’t be nearly as fun as some of my rendezvous in Brazil, or even
this past Mansformation Weekend.
Then why did I trek across the country to go there? Simple. I was further
solidifying my position as a Rockstar.
The value in the trip to the Mansion wasn’t the girls we were going to hit
on there. The value came from the pictures we took, and the stories we
are now able to continually tell about the experience.
Immediately after attending the event, Mike, Pete, and I plastered our
Facebook pages with the pictures, twittered the news, and wrote detailed
accounts of the experience that we emailed all of our friends.
The results were immediate.
Within hours of changing our Facebook status to “Partying at the
Playboy Mansion” we each had girls we hadn’t spoken to in years leaving
us comments and emails with questions like “How did you guys get in
the party?” “I heard that it was a private party, who do you know?” and
so on.
Last week when we attended a reunion at our former college, the news of
our adventure in the Mansion had already spread like wildfire… and
we’re continually pressed and praised about it.
Do you think that created some instant social proof? We never even had
to bring it up in a conversation, as someone would inevitably ask us
about it.
It is a simple theory really. If you want to be viewed as a Social
Rockstar… become one!
Elements of the resume
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The number one tool that you have in creating your social resume is your
Facebook and Myspace accounts. If you don’t have an account…GET
ONE!
You have to view these accounts as your publicity machine. These two
accounts (I prefer Facebook) will be constantly marketing your unique
selling points.
You have to view your Facebook friends as a master marketer views his
list. To a marketer, a list is what creates sales… a list is what spreads
word of mouth, and a list is what connects a marketer to his customers.
Facebook is your list.
I could write an entire post about the specifics of creating your Facebook
or Myspace profile, but you’re better off learning from an expert. This is
an area you do not want to slack off in. If you're on Facebook simply
send me a friend request:
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=515434783
When I receive your friend request- mention this manuscript and I will
send you a link to an hour long podcast I did with Race de Preist on
effectively using Facebook to meet women.
Once you have a platform for showcasing your “proof” you need to start
acquiring it. Remember, proof comes from your associations, your
testimonials, and your appearances.
Associations: The people you are perceived to hang out with.
Testimonials: What other people are saying about you.
Appearances: The places you are perceived to be spending your time.
You probably noticed that I used the word perceived in the above
definitions. This is because it is more important to create the image of…
then to be consistently living it.
For example, my pictures from the Mansion create the image of a guy
who is invited to high profile-hard to get into parties. If you couple these
pictures with another group of pictures from one other exclusive event…
you’ll be perceived as the kind of guy who regularly attends these sorts of
events.
The testimonials are easy to get… if you’re living the life, people will
naturally be talking about you and leaving comments on your page. If
you’re new to it Race and Kelly give a couple fantastic tips for getting hot
girls to leave comments on your page.
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Social Superstar
http://www.windowshoppingforwomen.com/cmd.php?af=795295
Remember:
Befriend me on Facebook and I will send you an hour long podcast that
goes much more into detail on the subject of using Facebook for meeting
women and building your social scene.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=515434783
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Chapter 5: The Attitude (liking + scarcity)
Your Objective:
The objective of your attitude is to establish both liking and scarcity.
The attitude you present to the world should establish you as a likeable
person. The attitude and values you possess on the inside will directly
relate to the way you are perceived on the outside. Building up your
inner game will be make you the kind of person people like to be around.
Your attitude should sub consciously tell the people within your scene
that you are a scarce commodity. It should convey that you are so
focused on your own goals, passions, and commitments that your time is
extremely limited. Your attitude should convey the fact that you "are
going places" and probably won't be around this scene forever. It is
important to remember that other people must be lead to believe this on
their own- you must never verbally tell them or act in a way that you feel
you are superior to them and will leave them behind.
Your Plan:
Decide exactly what kind of guy you want to be
If you really intend on changing your identity and thriving in a social
world, you must first be fully aware of how you intend on looking, acting,
feeling, thinking, and being. This must all be completely fleshed out, not
only in your mind, but down on paper as well.
You need to have a clear vision of your end result if you intend on
getting there. Once you create a well-thought out- description of the
person you intend on becoming… you need to keep this vision in your
mind as often as possible.
You must ask yourself the critical questions:
What would my "new self" think in this situation? What would he say?
How would he act? And at all times you need live and breathe that
identity.
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Many books will tell you to merely think it enough… and you're
subconscious will magically turn you into him. It is your job to not only
be concentrating your mind on being this person…, but actively acting in
the way you'd imagine this person to act.
Focus on your past successes instead of failures
In the quest to reinvent your identity you'll need to leave behind the
failures, doubts, and second guessing. But in order to maintain the
qualities that uniquely make you… you, you'll need to take with you your
previous successes and accomplishments.
Were you the spelling bee champion in the 2nd great? Did you hit the
winning home run in a little league game? Score a hot chick? Tell a
funny joke?
These are going to form your new identity. You need to collect as many
of these memories and write them down as vividly and descriptively as
possible. All of the negative memories we are going to leave behind.
You've already learned everything you need to learn from them. There is
no use re-living them. The positive memories create the foundation of
your confidence.
As much as people say "repeat I'm confident over and over" that will not
work unless you have some cold hard facts to back it up. By creating this
list, you in essence backing up your claim that you are confident and
allowing yourself to act that way without feeling like a fraud.
This will be a never ending habit. Every accomplishment you achieve, no
matter how big or small, will be added to this list. You'll notice that as
the list grows, so will your confidences.
As for your mistakes and failures… as they come along, ask yourself
"what did I learn" and write down your answer in as a positive statement.
Then forget the failure and move on. If you quit something before
finishing it… instead of saying "I'm a failure" simply say, "I learned that
success comes from perseverance" And then add that to the quality of
the kind of guy you want to be if it isn't already listed. And in the future,
when asking yourself how "the new you" would act… you can factor in
the quality of perseverance.
Anchor vibrant energetic states
Personally I find most aspects of NLP unhelpful and annoying… but I
have found a great use for the idea of anchoring vibrant energetic states.
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I came across this idea by accident. My Ipod only had a few songs on it
at the time, and I used to listen to the same songs over and over while I
ran on the treadmill at the gym. Because certain songs tended to pump
me up, I played them more often during the point of the work out where
my adrenaline was peaked. Without knowing it, I was unconsciously
anchoring these songs to a feeling of an adrenaline rush.
I later found that if I listened to these songs, while standing or moving
around, I tended to bring back that exercise high I used to only
experience at the gym.
There are people who claim to be able to anchor specific feelings to a
certain touch, but I haven’t been able to do that… so I wouldn't want to
give you advice that I cannot personally verify as being true. If you are
interested in learning more about anchoring check out a book on the
subject.
Build on little successes
In the beginning of your identity make over, the core attribute your
looking to build upon is your sense of self worth and confidence. This is
the foundation for everything. We've already talked about focusing on
past success, and creating a success journal… but you also need take
advantage of the momentum that each success brings.
For some strange reason the universe loves the concept of momentum…
and slumps. Whenever you have a success, your confidence is increased,
making it that much easier to have another success. During that period
of raised confidence it is important to attempt to achieve another form of
success.
You should continually be building on every success you have. If you
have a good conversation with a girl at bar, before leaving the bar
instigate a few more conversations. Never be content with just one
success. You need to keep the success momentum going.
Experience Peak Health
If self confidence and esteem really come from the inside out, then it
would go without saying that the one of the most important aspects of
self confidence is peak physical health.
The more vibrant and energetic we feel inside, the more likely we are to
radiate these traits outward. It is extremely hard to get into state when
you're tired, run down, have a headache, stomach ache, runny nose,
cough, or soreness.
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This is why it is important to treat your body like a temple. There is a
saying "you are what you eat." This saying has a lot of truth to it. If you
are consistently filling up on McDonalds, pizza, Taco Bell, and Chinese
food… your body will respond accordingly. You'll often feel bloated,
tired, greasy, gassy, and unmotivated.
Think about the last time you finished off a Big Mac or a big dish of
General Tso's… did you feel like you could conquer the world? Did you
feel attractive?
Many people don't realize that a big source of their depression stems
from their lack of physical health. If your body is run down from eating
badly and not exercising, your mind will often follow right behind it.
The two keys to peak health:
1. Exercise
2. Eating healthy
Exercise is critical. You will find that once you get into a consistent
exercise habit your confidence will begin to sky rocket. The trick to
starting an exercise and healthful eating habit is to make it a must. This
means there are no excuses, every day you find time to get to the gym. If
its snowing out.. you still go. If you're hung over… you still go. If you're
on vacation… you still go. The more discipline you prove you have to
yourself, the easier it will become. If you find yourself consistently
making excuses as to why you missed a workout.. you will begin to accept
this behavior from yourself.
Also, exercise provides you with an opportunity to anchor vibrant states
to yourself as we spoke of earlier.
Eating healthy, like exercise has to be a must. You must force yourself to
change your diet permanently. Don't look at it like you're on a diet.
Look at is simply as the way you eat.
Instead of having a Taylor ham and cheese bagel and coffee for
breakfast, get in the habit of eating oatmeal and Green tea. Once you
break your old pattern you will find that the oatmeal fills you up just as
much as the bagel and the Green Tea energizes you more than the
coffee.
Even without the long term health benefits of changing your diet and
exercise you will feel an immediate benefit in the amount of energy you
possess, your level of motivation, the clarity of your mind, and your
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increased pride in yourself discipline. These benefits carry over into all
areas of your life.
Stay Well Groomed, Well Dressed
I discovered this principle when I was working as a paint contractor.
Because my job entailed me to where old painter's clothes and often find
myself covered in paint… I would often decide that it wasn't worth
shaving, doing my hair, or keeping up my appearance the day's I was
working.
I soon discovered that I was often depressed and felt very discouraged
with myself. I would look in the mirror and see a scruffy, unkempt guy,
in dirty clothes, and would feel like that was all I was.
What I noticed though was that a couple of my Spanish employees would
come to work every day looking sharp, in nice clothes. Then once they
got to work, they would change into their work clothes. Later in the day
when it was time to leave, they would wash up, and change back into
their nice clothes before heading home. At first I never understood why
they bothered.
But then I came to understand that this was how they kept their dignity.
This is how they separated themselves from their job.
I used to have the mentality that if I'm not going to see anyone, what is
the point of shaving, fixing my hair nice, trimming my nose hairs,
plucking my eyebrows, tanning, or wearing nice clothes. But this was a
horrible mentality to have. Because the one and only person you really
need to impress is yourself. You need to look in the mirror and be proud
of how you come across. This will keep you motivated and inspired.
In the chapter on making yourself more attractive I gave many hints on
how you can increase your physical attractiveness.
What I want you to get out of this section is that it is always important to
look and feel your best, even when no one is watching.
Say yes to yourself
As children we so often hear the word "no" or "you can't" that we grow
up inflicting ourselves with these words.
When we want to buy something we want a voice appears in our head
saying "no you can't afford that" or "shouldn't you buy something more
useful?" When we want to talk to a girl or apply for a job a voice in our
head says "don't."
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Social Superstar
We are unconsciously embedding the word no into our minds. Whatever
it is that we want we are often the first person to talk ourselves out of it.
We tell ourselves all of the same excuses that our parents told us, or our
teachers or relatives told us.
"You're too young" "You only wind up breaking it" "You'll hurt
yourself" "You'll lose it" "You have to be fair" "You can't afford it."
"You can get it next year"
How can you ever get what you really want if you are your own biggest
obstacle in achieving it?
The step to reversing this is to practice saying yes to yourself. Apply for
a job that you have no qualifications for. Order whatever it is you want
on the menu regardless of price. Get in the habit of allowing yourself to
have the things you want. This will set precedence. It will reshape the
way you live your life. If you didn't have yourself in your ear telling you
"no" how many more girls would you have approached? How many
more classes would you have taken? Jobs applied for? Friends made?
Even if you only achieved a fraction of the extra dreams you went for,
how much would this have improved your life?
It only takes one great employer to give you a chance despite your
shoddy resume, or one beautiful women to fall in love with you, or one
professor to see your hidden brilliance in a subject.. and bam your life is
changed.
Eliminate Your Crutch/Burn Your Ships
To fully develop unstoppable inner game and the winning attitude it is
necessary to burn our ships and get rid of our crutches.
This means that quitting a dead end part time job and focusing 100% on
your dream. It means cutting off your "booty call" and finding a girl that
inspires you. It means going for broke.
It also means eliminating your crutches….
For some guys their crutch is video games, some guys its porn, for some
guys it fantasy football. Crutches are things that we use to avoid reality.
They are the place that we crawl back to avoid facing defeat in other
areas.
While there is nothing wrong with having a hobby… the problem arises
when you hide yourself in your hobby. Do you really enjoy playing
World of Warcraft 7 hours a day… or is it easier than admitting to
yourself that you're scared to talk to girls, or apply yourself.
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The hardest thing I ever had to do a few years back was quit the
restaurant I was working in. The job provided me with a solid wad of
cash every week, close friends, and unlimited females to interact with and
date. Yet, I knew deep inside that if I kept working there I would stay
comfortable and never achieve my goals of running a successful business
or publishing a book.
Quitting the job not only meant burning my ships (as the job provided
me with money, friends, and dates) but it also meant eliminating my
crutch. At the time, whenever I experienced a set back at the real estate
agency I was working at, or got frustrated with the screenplay I was
writing, I would head over to the restaurant and drink with my buddies.
All was always good there.
You have to find out what your ships and crutches are.. and then burn
them.
Push yourself past your comfort zone daily
Look at yourself like a rubber band. The objective is to stretch yourself
into the largest and greatest rubber band of all time. How do you
achieve this?
This push yourself one step further every day. It doesn't matter what
your comfort zone is any area, it is just important that you push yourself
past it daily.
Not only does this help you grow as a person, but it makes your life
exciting. You'll begin to look forward to each day as you'll find yourself
continually surprising yourself. Life will no longer seem repetitive. You
won't feel trapped. Things won't get boring.
It is important that you push yourself past at least one comfort zone
daily. If you are trying to conquer shyness, make an effort to initiate one
more conversation every day. If you don't have the opportunity to
initiate an extra conversation, then say something unexpected in one of
the conversations you are involved in. Say something that surprises you.
If you're going to the gym, crank out an extra rep or two, run an extra
minute, add a bit more resistance. If you're working on a project, think
outside the box. Try something zany even if it doesn't work this time it
will train your mind to look for new ways of doing things.
Embrace Your Passions
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Social Superstar
I will go more into detail about embracing your passions in the section
on being an interesting person. But in this section I just want to remind
you that the more inspired you are on the inside, the more it shows on
the outside. When you find something that drives you… go with it. Let
it drive you. Let it power you. Having a solid, energizing reason to get
out of bed every morning does amazing things for your self esteem.
How do you find your passion? Think to yourself "what would I be
doing if I suddenly won $150 million in the lottery. Don't jump at the
first thought that comes into your mind. Really dwell on it. Really get
inside your mind, imagine you have this money, this freedom, and then
envision yourself in different scenarios. What sparks you?
Most people think if they won that kind of money that they would want
to retire on a beach somewhere… but often when they really think of it,
they'll decide something completely different. Maybe they decide they
want to write children's books, or open a bar where they know everyone,
or volunteer for worthy causes, or travel the world, or paint, or write
music, or train for the Olympics.
The trick is to find whatever you would do if time and money were not
an object and do it now. Sure, you might not be able to do it in the same
capacity now, but plant the seed of passion in your mind. If you would
write children's books… start writing one now. Spend an hour every
night writing. You might find that hour becomes your most cherished of
the day. If you want to travel the world… pick one place right now and
set a goal to visit it. Once you visit that place, set a goal to visit another
place.
You'll often find that achieving life goals and dreams doesn't cost nearly
as much as you think. In Tim Ferriss's book The Four Hour Work Week
he gives an exercise called Dreamlining which allows you to see
approximately how much money you will need to make to finance your
dreams. In a later chapter I have reproduced that exercise for you.
Only Seek Approval from Yourself
Many people misinterpret the advice to "not care what people think" to
be advice recommending living a slovenly, withdrawn, unproductive life.
This is not the case. You are the only judge of what is important for you.
If you don't live up to your own standards, then you're letting yourself
down.
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You can't please everyone. And the more you try to please everyone, the
more you wind up pleasing no one. The first and foremost person you
need to please is yourself.
This is not advice to be selfish. It is simply advice to live life on your
terms and not let the whims of the masses affect your ability to make
decisions.
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Chapter 5: Be Captivating (liking + scarcity
+ authority)
Your Objective:
In order to be interesting, captivating or cool- you must convey three
weapons of influence. These weapons are liking, scarcity, and authority.
If you want to be captivating- the kind of person that people want to be
around, above all you must be likeable. You must get other people to
like you. If they don't like you, your influence over them will run thin…
and you will also not enjoy yourself around them nearly as much.
The second weapon of influence you must use is that of scarcity. People
get bored and uninterested in what is always around. They are most
fascinated and attached to what they can't have.
The final ingredient to being captivating is possessing a sense of
authority. People are like sheep. They want to be led. They want to be
told what to do. And most importantly they want someone to look up
to.
Your Plan:
I was originally going to call this chapter- Be Cool- but decided that cool
is subjective and people might not understand it as a standalone
definition.
What makes someone cool?
Well everything we talked about in the previous chapter “Look the Part”
definitely plays a huge part in appearing cool. But looking cool doesn’t
make you cool.
Looking cool is a good way to get people to take notice, which ultimately
you must do to demonstrate that you are cool.
And how do you demonstrate that you are cool?
Be interesting!
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Wallflowers are rarely cool. Why? Because as pretty as they can be…
they’re usually like talking to a wall. There just doesn’t seem to be
anything deeper than the pretty exterior.
If you want to be a Social Superstar it is crucial that you become the most
interesting person in the room. Some people will take this the wrong
way and think they have to load up on useless facts and knowledge… ala
Mystery’s “Did you know fish cough?” routine. While devouring
interesting facts and storing them away for appropriate times can make
you sound interesting and does play a small part in a Social Superstar
repertoire…it is more important that you be interesting.
So how do you “be interesting” you ask?
Here are some traits of interesting people that we will explore further:
Interesting hobbies
Interesting profession
Contradictory character traits
The dirty little secret
Fearless
Says less than necessary
No where you’re going
Never appear too perfect
Have interesting hobbies
Out of all of the traits, this is the easiest to immediately implement. What
we choose to make our hobbies is our choice. We can choose anything.
Some people choose playing Halo 3, World of Warcraft, fantasy football,
collecting comic books, or golf as a hobby.
While they all can be fun and rewarding… how interesting do these
hobbies make you appear to other people?
What if your hobbies included: Playing in a cover band, snowboarding,
rock climbing, hacking into highly secured computer networks, world
travel, tango dancing, volunteer relief aid work, surfing, or race car
driving?
Do you think other people would take a tad bit more interest in you?
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Social Superstar
Your immediate reaction might be to say that simply faking an interest in
a hobby is enough. It’s not. Merely going through the motions of rock
climbing, or struggling to surf, or flying around the world is not enough.
You need to develop passion for these things. You need to develop a
passion for them that radiates from within your core being.
You may ask what is more interesting about surfing than golf.
This is where the value of this lesson comes in. The hobby itself is not
what makes you interesting. It is your choice to pursue that hobby which
makes you interesting. There is nothing fundamentally fascinating about
rock climbing. It is actually pretty boring to watch. But there is
something unique and interesting about the type of guy who chooses to
spend his free time rock climbing while his friends are sitting in front of a
computer playing video games.
Are you starting to get the idea?
What you choose to make your hobby tells other people a lot about your
personality. A guy who chooses to learn and compete in tango dancing
competitions is an oddity. This is a guy who goes against the grain. This
is a guy who marches to the beat of a different drummer. And most
people are compelled to know why?
How many people are genuinely curious as to why you spend your free
time shuffling around your fantasy football roster? Not many I would
assume.
How many girls admire your dedication to World of Warcraft?
How many of those same girls would admire your dedication to
volunteering to perform relief work after various catastrophes?
What you choose to do with your free time says more about you then
anything that comes out of your mouth. Your hobbies give other people
the ability to make a snapshot judgment of your personality traits.
What would personality traits would most people attach to someone
whose hobby was following major league sports or playing video games
or golf?
Now, what personality traits do you associate with someone who spends
their free time surfing, playing in a cover band, or traveling the world?
Maybe words like:
Adventurous
Passionate
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Free spirited
Thrill seeking
Interesting people are often associated with these sorts of words. Take
some time for a moment and think about the kind of words people
would use to describe you.
Finding new, exciting, and interesting hobbies is not as hard as it may
seem. My first recommendation is to choose a few things that you have a
genuine interest in. In the late Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture he talks
about rediscovering your childhood dreams as a way to bringing
fulfillment to your life. What were some of your childhood dreams you
gave up on?
Did you want to be an archeologist like Indiana Jones, a space explorer,
cave dweller, computer hacker, rock star? Who says you can’t be?
In our times it is possible to make a hobby out of any possible thing you
may have an interest in. And even better, you’re likely to find a group of
people that have made a hobby out of the same exact thing to share
experiences with.
The best way to find out the potential of turning one of your childhood
dreams into a current hobby is to begin by searching around the internet.
You can run a general Google search and see what comes up, you can
run a Yahoo Groups or Google Groups search and see if there is already
a group of people discussing it, you can search meetup.com for groups in
your area, or you can visit specialized travel sites to see what kind of
adventure travel they offer.
The wonderful thing about entering one of these groups is that it
presents you with an opportunity to meet new and exciting people that
you normally would not have come in contact with. These new
acquaintances might open your eyes to entirely new horizons. It is
amazing what you find when you begin to step outside of your comfort
zone.
Most people are confined to the day to day activities that make up their
comfort zone. This is what makes these “interesting” people so
extraordinary. It is their drive, determination, and ability to live life
outside the comfort zone that is so fascinating to us. They are a rare
commodity in a world where most people act like mindless sheep
following along with the herd.
Are you a sheep?
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There are more benefits to exploring a new and exciting hobby other
than being perceived as interesting. If you pick a hobby that continually
challenges you and forces you to continually dig deep inside to persist…
you will grow as a person. Some people call this “developing character.”
Others will call it “maturity.” No matter what name you give it the
results are the same. You will be looked as sort of an authoritative figure.
You will seem to possess a wisdom normally reserved for wise old men.
The sad truth is that most people don’t even finish a book that they startlet alone persist long enough to make it to the finals of a surf
competition in Hawaii. Most people quit a fitness routine a few weeks
after beginning- let alone climb to the top of Mount Everest. And most
people don’t travel out of their state – let alone backpack across South
East Asia. There is a certain amount of unsaid respect and admiration
for the man or woman who does these things.
Dreamlining
In Tim Ferriss's brilliant book "The Four Hour Work Week" he gives a
phenomenal exercise that will not only help you develop your passion,
but it will also help you understand the means it will take to achieve your
dreams.
I am going to take the next section directly from Tim Ferriss's book and
urge you follow this advice and create your dreamlines.
What would you do if there was no way you could fail? If you were
10 times smarter than the rest of the world
Create two timelines- 6 months and 12 months- and list up to five things
you dream of having (including, but not limited to, material wants: house,
car, clothing, etc.). being (be a great cook, be fluent in Chinese, etc.), and
doing (visiting Thailand, tracing your roots overseas, racing ostriches,
etc.) in that order. If you have difficulty identifying what you want in
some categories, as most will, consider what you hate or fear in each and
write down the opposite. Do not limit yourself, and do not concern
yourself with how these things will be accomplished. For now, its
unimportant. This is an exercise in reversing repression.
Be sure not to judge or fool yourself. If you really want a Ferrari, don't
put down solving world hunger out of guilt. For some, the dream will be
fame, for others fortune or prestige. All people have their vices and
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insecurities. If something will improve your feeling of self worth, put it
down.
Drawing a blank?
For all their bitching about what's holding them back, most people have
a lot of trouble coming up with the defined dreams they're being held
from. This is particularly true with the "doing" category. In that case,
consider these questions:
a) What would you do, day to day, if you had $100 million in the
bank?
b) What would make you excited to wake up in the morning to
another day?
Don't rush- think about if for a few minutes. If still blocked, fill in the
five "doing" spots with the following:
•
•
•
•
•
One place to visit
One thing to do before you die (memory of a lifetime
One thing to do daily
One thing to do weekly
One thing you've always wanted to learn
What does "being" entail doing?
Convert each "being" into a "doing" to make it actionable. Identify an
action that would characterize this state of being or task that would mean
you have achieved it. People find it easier brainstorm "being" first, but
this column is just a temporary spot for "doing" actions. Here are a few
examples:
Great cook = make Christmas dinner without help
Fluent in Chinese = have a five minute conversation with a Chinese coworker
What are the four dreams that would change it all?
Using the six month timeline, star or otherwise highlight the four most
exciting and/or important dreams from all the columns. Repeat the
process with the 12 month timeline if desired.
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Determine three steps for each of the four dreams in just the six
month timeline and take the first steps now.
I'm not a believer in long-term planning and far-off goals. In fact, I
generally set 3-month and six month dreamlines. The variable change
too much and in-the future distance becomes an excuse for postponing
action. The objective of this exercise isn't, therefore, to outline every
step from start to finish, but to define the end goal, the required vehicle
to achieve them and build momentum with critical first steps.
First, let's focus on those critical first steps. Define three steps for each
dream that will get you closer to its actualization. Set actions-simple,
well-defined actions-for now, tomorrow and the day after.
Once you have three steps for each of the four goals, complete the three
actions in the "now" column. Do it now. Each should be simple enough
to do in five minutes or less. If not rachet it down.
This is a good introduction to dreamlining and illustrates how it can
create the needed momentum to set you on the right direction towards
achieving your life goals, and living like a superstar.
For the continuation of this exercise pick up a copy of "The Four Hour
Work Week" or visit fourhourworkweek.com
Have an Interesting Profession
This one is a lot more difficult to control than finding an interesting
hobby. The truth is we all have to earn a living. And very few jobs are
glamorous.
If you fall into the unglamorous and mundane… do not be defined by
your work. Far too many people let their jobs define who they are as a
person. This happens after years of naming your current profession
when asked “what do you do?”
If you say “I’m a painter,” or “I’m a real estate agent,” or “I’m tech
support,” or name any other job too many times you begin to identify
yourself with your job. Identifying yourself with your job is fine if you’re
a rock star, actor, CEO of a fortune 500 company, CIA agent, or
astronaut. But for the rest of us, we are cutting ourselves short. You are
much more than your occupation.
I would never recommend choosing a profession simply because it
sounds glamorous. But why not choose a profession that genuinely
interests you? Chances are if it genuinely interests you… it probably is
interesting to other people as well.
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I could spend fifty pages trying to talk you into following your dream
profession and why it is completely possible that you attain it… but that
is beyond the scope of this book. I simply want to point out the fact that
if you’re in a boring, mundane, death trap of job… you have options.
Do not kid yourself into believing that you don’t.
I would recommend at the very least finding a job that you’re passionate
about. Even if the job sounds like the most boring job on the planet, if
you are truly passionate about it, that will shine through. Passion is not
only contagious, but it is a vehicle for putting your charisma and
enthusiasm on display. So while the job itself might not be glamorous…
you will appear glamorous performing it.
If you’re starting from scratch and a curious about some examples of
interesting jobs, I’ve made a short list of examples below:
•
FBI Agent
•
Firefighter
•
Archeologist
•
Any job in film, music, or television
•
Airline pilot
•
Reporter (for legitimate magazine or newspaper)
•
Public Speaker
These are just few of the better paying jobs. There are countless
examples of interesting lower paying jobs out there like tour guide,
skydiving instructor, street artist… and so on.
I would concentrate more on finding a job that you’re passionate about
rather than choosing a job strictly for conversation pieces. I would spend
more energy on finding interesting hobbies. Hobbies tell more about
you anyway… because they are what you choose to do on your free time.
Interesting Skills
A social superstar has the keen ability to keep everyone in the room
focused on him. In the pickup/seduction community there is a lot of
talk about demonstrating higher value. If you've follow the advice laid
out above in regards to discovering your passions and creating hobbies
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Social Superstar
around them, you will most likely already be developing some interesting
traits and skills that are all your own.
For some guys it takes awhile to fully integrate themselves into a new
hobby or passion to the point that they feel it will benefit them in social
gatherings. For these guys, I suggest taking the advice of some of the
most popular dating coaches and gurus and learn some routines that you
can bust out at parties, bars, and gathering that will make you stand out
from the crowd.
In my college days I had two good friends Daryl and Kevin who
mastered one simple card trick that had audiences captivated every time
they performed it. It was a trick that they worked together on, and never
revealed the secret of how they accomplished it until years later. I am
going to list this trick along with several other types of skills and routines
you can learn to captivate an audience.
The Sniffing Card Trick
This trick requires a silent partner. My two friends Daryl and Kevin
pulled this off for years in college without anyone ever catching onto it.
Basically Daryl would pull out a deck of cards and shuffle them around
for a bit. He would then lay out 7 cards on a table or floor. He would
then invite someone to take part in the trick. Daryl would tell the person
to pick out one of the cards, show it to everyone in the room and then
put it back in the row of 7 cards. Daryl would leave the room while the
person chose the card. When Daryl came back to the room he would
begin sniffing each card. He would sell the trick well by really smelling
the cards and acting as if he was looking for a clue on the card. While
everyone's attention was on Daryl, Kevin would subtly scratch his nose
when Daryl sniffed the right card. Daryl would notice Kevin scratching
his nose, realize that was the card, continue his performance for a bit,
and eventually choose the right card. I saw Daryl perform the trick
countless times and no one ever figured it out.
Other Magic Tricks
I have never been big on magic tricks, but with the popularity behind
them do to legendary pick up artist Mystery, there must be a place for
them in this book.
As with all of the different skills I will list, it is important to pick skills
that are congruent with your personality. Magic tricks worked for
Mystery because he was genuinely passionate about magic. I'm not
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saying that you have to have a desire to be a magician to perform magic
tricks, but you must have some real interest in the subject matter.
If you believe that magic tricks are something that you would like to add
to your repertoire of skills you can find some videos of a few good ones
on our companion site, www.tsbmag.com
http://www.tsbmag.com/2006/10/31/demonstrate-higher-value-withtorn-card-trick/
http://www.tsbmag.com/2006/10/29/demonstrate-higher-value-withlevitation-trick/
You can also view more magic trick videos by going to Youtube and
searching "magic tricks." If you are serious about learning magic and
want to try your skills with some more professional tricks you can go to
www.penguinmagic.com and purchase some of the tricks that the pros
use on stage.
There is also a wonderful resource for guys looking to use magic to
improve their game called PUMA Skills.
Learn to Play or Sing one song
You're at a bar, its jampacked with friends, co-workers, and boat loads of
hotties, all swooning over the shitty cover band up on stage. The long
haired, John Bon Jovi wanna be seems to have his pick of the litter
tonight.
You're a fun social guy though. The kind of guy women want to fuck,
and men want to be friends with. During one of the set breaks you start
bullshitting with the band, buy them all a drink, maybe a round of shots,
introduce them to some of your hot female friends. You casually
mention how you sing "insert song you've practiced a million times"
really well, and how much you miss being up on stage. If the band
doesn't seem to be biting, make up some bullshit about "leaving town..,
your birthday, just getting over a really bad break up…" and 5 out of 10
times the band will invite you on stage to sing the song.
The trick to this is to learn one song that most cover bands will know…
and love to play. Think Jessie's Girl. Most cover bands are just looking
to build a following, which will allow them to charge more money for
their appearances. If they sense that you're the kind of guy who rolls
with a large entourage, they will try to appease you, in hopes that you will
encourage your crew to be their new groupies. Play to their egos. They
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want to be social superstars too. There is no reason you both can't share
the stage for a moment.
If you get up on stage, you best rock the house. The first criterion for
this is that you have a decent voice and a good sense of rhythm. This
means that you have to spend a fair amount of time perfecting this one
song. Make it the staple of your karaoke choices. Practice it often, and
record it so that you can listen and fine tune.
You also need to have a good stage presence. Practice in front of a
mirror. Video tape yourself and fine tune your body language and how
you carry yourself on stage.
You are not to tell anyone about your ability to sing. When you get on
stage to kick ass with the band… it is should come as total shock…
which will amplify the effect, and make you seem just that much more
naturally cool.
This same idea can be applied to musical instruments as well. Sometimes
parties will have stray guitars or pianos, and some party goer will wow
everyone with his rendition of chop sticks from Big. Why not blow them
away with something really good?
Most people study for years to get really good at the guitar. But you
don't have to get really good. You just have to get really good at playing
one song. Which really comes down to mastering a few chords.
Anybody with a little patience can spend a few days perfecting one song
on the guitar or piano. Just find one of your more talented friends or
family members to teach you the song. When the party rolls around feel
free to strum away. Sure, some people will scream for you to play
another song. Just simply refuse… tell them you don't want to steal the
thunder from the party. Even throw in a line like "I'd play all night…
but that wouldn't be fun for anyone else." You'll come off as modest,
which is a pleasant characteristic of a super star.
Best of all… you leave the social encounter on a high note, with your
audience wanting more!
The Superstar's Guide to Being Funny
There are many different types of humor. It is important to master the
one that comes most naturally to you.
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Being funny is not a prerequisite for a social superstar (Being fun to be
around is though.) The funnier you are, the easier it will be to infiltrate
new social circles. Everyone and I mean everyone loves being around
someone that consistently makes them laugh. Think about the people
you most enjoy spending time with… more than likely they will be the
people that you laugh the most around. Laughing feels good.
Humor cannot be forced or it's uncomfortable. Humor is a polarizing
thing… while being funny can make you extremely popular… trying to
be funny when you're not can crush your social dreams. People hate bad
comedy. If you sense that the people around you don't respond to your
jokes, or there tends to be a lot of uncomfortable silences after you
deliver your lines… stop! You'll have an easier time just being the cool
serious guy… then the unfunny jokester.
That being said, there is a lot of arguments over whether or not comedy
can be taught. While I don't think that spur of the moment jokes can be
taught to someone who doesn't naturally think that way, I do think that if
you learn a little bit about humor, you can learn to recognize it, and put it
out at appropriate times.
Develop a character
"Humor doesn't go into a character is comes out of him. A character
needs a trademark or point of view that does not change. Without a
character, you're simply a recite of jokes. With it, you can get laughs
simply be being yourself."
If you think about the funniest performers most of them have at least
one memorable character who makes you laugh before he even says
anything… because you already know what his reaction will be.
Let's use Vince Vaughn as an example. He has developed the character
of "smart ass." When you're watching one of his movies or listening to
him speak in an interview, you can almost feel what his reaction will be
before he makes it. You begin to expect a certain reaction. And often
times you'll find yourself laughing before he's said anything.
Because Vince Vaughn has really mastered this character, humor comes
much more easily for him. When he's responding to a question, or
making an observation on something he's witnessing, he just has to ask
himself what would "a smart ass" say?
It is important if you want to be funny that you have a character and that
you stick with the character. The humor actually flows more from the
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character, the interactions, and responses than from the jokes. The
humor comes from your characters interaction with the world. Or your
character's interaction with your thoughts. Or your characters interaction
with another person.
In order to make this concept work you must believe it and act
congruently. You can't go into character, do it for a little while, get a
laugh… then leave it. It won't work if you approach it tentatively and try
it… it will actually backfire. If you keep trying to see if your audience
likes it will probably backfire on you, especially if they can tell you're
trying to use it to get their approval. Most funny people are not trying to
be funny. And they're not seeking approval. They are actually "being"
the character.
The character is where 90% of the humor flows from. If you can get the
character down, then all of the funny stuff starts taking care of itself.
Because once you "nail" the character, the humor will come with how the
character is interacting with the world.
Here are some roles that David DeAngelo recommends trying out or
testing…
The I'm superior to you character
An assumed or fake position of authority
The character of the victim of her seduction
The cold guy, the straight man
The guy who only wants to know what's in it for him
A high maintenance chick
The ultimate authority and commentator on wussy guys
Imitating the women you're with
Becoming devil's advocate and promoting bad behavior
She needs adult supervision
As you can see that by merely immersing yourself in any of these
characters- humor will naturally flow out of it. The ones David
DeAngelo mentioned above are particularly good for dealing with
women.
Think about the funniest people you know. You will probably find that
they have a standard character that they have become.
For many years I developed the character of "daddy." I based the humor
off of Vince Vaughn. My whole character was the arrogant-what's in it
for me- jerk. I was able to make that character work really well. No
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matter what character you choose, you have to know fundamental people
skills so that you are "liked."
Best recourses to learn humor
Watching standup comedy. Some of the comedians you might want
to study are Bill Burr, Louie CK. But your best bet is to head out often to
the local theatre or club and watch some standup comedy live. This
allows you to observe the reactions of those around you. It lets you
observe the power of delivery and timing, and how people react to them.
Watching Movies. I've found that watching Vince Vaughn movies
really helped me develop my sarcastic sense of humor. Pay attention to
his delivery. Also pay attention to the connections he makes. Learn to
see the world through his eyes, and you'll begin thinking like him,
allowing funny sarcastic lines to flow out of you.
Read Books. I'm not a firm believer that books can teach you how to
be funny. But they can teach you the underlying principles of what
makes people laugh. Some guys need to understand things at a greater
level before implementing something. If you're one of those guys pick
up the book "Comedy Writing Secrets."
Cocky Comedy Course: David DeAngelo's cocky comedy course is a
brilliant way to learn the art of cocky comedy. Cocky comedy is the best
type of humor for attracting women. This 6 CD set will leave you with
more material than you can begin to use.
Have Contradictory Character Traits
No one is less compelling than a person in life who acts like a million
other characters you’ve encountered, exhibiting only one facet: the alpha
jock, the tortured musician, the brainiac. It is easy to fall into this trap
when building an image, because people love to classify people into
types. And they’ll likely try to push you along into one. For instance, the
well situated power investment banker- are you picturing formal suits and
furrowed forehead? Long hours, lots of technical gadgets like a
Blackberry, and a whole lot of excess cash? Well, that’s a good start for a
character, but a social superstar needs to transcend a type. If this is your
type… maybe you can make yourself interesting by doing volunteer work
with the humane society, or playing in a blues band on weekends.
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These sorts of distinctions make you different from any other person
that might fall into this type. When you build an image, explore the
specific and unique details that will make you more complex; not a type
but a real person. We all carry with us histories, our experiences, and our
memories, each of our bundles distinctively different from anyone else’s.
A fascinating element of human nature is that we all possess contrasting
traits, sometimes subtle, other times greatly conflicting. These contrasts
provide endless opportunity to make yourself more complex.
The best contrasts are so seamlessly sewn with your characterization that
they’re not easy to spot; they seep into your being. Your observer should
experience the tension, not be spotting contrasts like stop signs along the
road.
ADVANCED: use with caution
The Dirty Little Secret
People love surprises. People love being swerved when they least expect
it. There is nothing in life that kills interest more than predictability. And
there is nothing in life that peaks interest more than a swerve just when
we thought we had something or someone all figured out.
The most interesting characters in movies, television, or books are those
who possess depth. The three dimensional ones. The ones that intrigue
us most don’t come off as stereotypes or clichés. They slowly reveal
things about themselves that keep us wondering what we will find out
next. A great seducer does the same thing.
He does this by leading his target in one direction, letting the target feel
like they have him all figured out, and then the seducer blind sides the
target with an action, story, or fact about themselves that is completely
contradictory to the image they have put forward thus far.
This means the nice guy admits he got rough with his last girlfriend. The
innocent girl had sex with a stranger. The dedicated business man had a
thousand dollar a week coke habit. The responsible teacher has fucked a
hooker. The alpha male fucked a guy. These are all contradictions of
character. And they fascinate us. They make us want to know more. To
understand more. They make us feel as if we’ve missed something all
along. And that feeling is invigorating. It is a completely refreshing
change of pace.
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By nature we want what we are not supposed to have. How many of our
fantasies involve our teachers, friend’s girlfriends, single moms,
prostitutes, lesbians, cousins, and minors? These people are taboo. They
are dangerous. They are frowned upon. But danger is seductive. It makes
us feel alive. By introducing danger to your target you will make them
feel alive. And they will surrender to you for it.
I had a friend back in college. He was one of the most laid back, easy
going guys, you could ever meet. He also happened to have a fuse that
would occasionally go off, where he would lose his temper completely.
Not many people knew this side of him. His ex girlfriend learned it a year
into the relationship. They got into a fight and he hit her just once. But it
was enough to bruise her eye, and have her end the relationship. She
proceeded to tell everyone in arm’s length about what happened. My
friend thought is social life was over on campus. Little did he know; it
had just begun. He literally had girls throwing themselves at him.
He was now taboo. He was socially unacceptable. He was dangerous. But
the girls didn’t care. The fact that they shouldn’t do it only made them
want to do it more. Sure when they talked about him to their friends they
acted as if they disapproved of him. But in their mind they were
captivated by him. And in the end desire always wins out over reason.
I am not saying to go out and hit your girlfriend, or fuck a minor, nor do
anything other socially unacceptable behavior. What I am saying though
is don’t hide what is there. I’m sure if you did deep enough into your past
you can find something you’ve done that is a little taboo. Now at the
right moment you have to disclose this information.
You have to build rapport with your target. You have to allow them to
see all of your positive, virtuous characteristics. And you wait until that
point where you sense they feel they have you figured out, and then you
drop the bomb. My friend didn’t have to do all of this because all of
these girls knew him previously. They had known him for years as a nice,
laid back guy. So by the time the story had come out, they all though they
had him figured out. But suddenly he was a little more complex. My
friend, although not proud of the indecent, continues years later to tell
the story of that relationship to girls he meets. He says of all the girls he
told not one stopped seeing him.
I had a job in a restaurant once. I was friendly with many of the girls
there and talked open and honestly about my sexual experiences. I told
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them about my love of Asian massage parlors. Did it stop me from
fucking half the waitresses there? Hell no. And not one of them ever
even made me where a condom. I have a friend with an assault charge on
his record. Although the charge was bullshit- my friend still found it
morally necessary to tell every girl he was with afterwards about the
charge right before he would sleep with them for the first time. How
many stopped him. You guessed it; none.
The dirty little secret is a great way to make you more desirable to a girl.
This is especially true if you are a naturally nice wholesome guy. Creating
a little bit of an edge for yourself will work wonders for your sex appeal.
Appear Fearless
You’re fearless. Most people are insecure. Most people suffer some
form of anxiety disorder. Most people are held back by various forms of
fear.
If you want to stand out in a crowd; Live a fearless existence. Feel the
fear; then do it anyway. Most of our fears are completely unwarranted.
Most fear stems from our need for approval. We are held back by our
fear of losing our job, our fear of being laughed at, our fear of going
broke, our fear of rejection, our fear of ruining our reputation, our fear
of making a mistake.
What would your personality be like if you weren’t governed by all of
these fears? If you take a look at the short list of our major fears… you’ll
find that not one of them is life threatening. In fact, most of our major
fears are solely based on what thoughts someone else will have about us.
How ridiculous does that sound when you really think about it? 90% of
the decisions that you make are influenced by your need for approval.
Most of us are working a job we hate, lonely or in a shitty relationship,
have given up our dreams… because we are afraid of making the wrong
decision, and we’re not even afraid of the consequences of the wrong
decision… We are afraid of what people will say about us… what people
will think about us.
How refreshing is it when we meet someone who isn’t controlled by
these fears?
Women are attracted to bad boys, because bad boys provide an
adrenaline rush that the average guy does not. In the average guy, a
woman sees a reflection of most of her fears and insecurities. This is
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why the average guy becomes her friend. Because they can sit and talk
and wallow in their fears and insecurities together. The bad boy makes
her forget all about her fears and insecurities. He takes her into his
fearless existence.
What is a fearless existence?
A fearless existence is one that is not governed by the illogical fears that
most people hang onto their entire life, depriving themselves of true
happiness.
A Superstar does not confine himself to these fears. He realizes that
short of death or serious injury… life goes on after 99.9% of the
situations you enter into.
While it may seem difficult to "be fearless" it is not nearly as difficult to
appear fearless. Appearing fearless is really the objective.
Most human beings go through their daily existence terrified. Some
people are terrified of death, some people are scared of social gatherings,
public speaking, confrontation, poverty, natural disasters, terrorism,
relationships, cold calling, cold approaching, heights, the ocean,
airplanes… and the list goes on.
Chances are you probably suffer from quite a few of those fears yourself.
If you do, this might just be the hardest advice you will ever receive:
You need to feel the fear, and do it anyway.
What was so iconic about a person like John F Kennedy was that he
always appeared so cool, calm, and collective, no matter what the
situation was. Whether the president was fending off missile crisis,
fighting for civil rights, or bedding Marilyn Monroe, he never showed eve
one ounce of fear.
People like their heroes and superstars to possess the traits and
characteristics they most wish they had themselves. They find these
characters exhilarating because they can't figure out how they can be so
fearless.
But the fact is; no one is inherently fearless. The difference is that the
bad boys, the heroes, and the superstars of this world… overcome their
fears in the face of the public.
I am going to repeat a challenge that I laid out to you during our 31 Days
to Better Game series last July.
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Live the next two days of your life completely fearless. Just for the next
two days, say what you feel like saying, approach who you feel like
approaching, tell someone who has pissed you off to “fuck off,” do
exactly what you want to do.
Do you want to call out of work and go the beach? Do it! Do you want
to tell the counter girl at the bank that she’s sexy as hell? Do it! Do you
want to finally change the style of your haircut? Jump out a plane? Get a
tattoo? Have sex with a stranger? Do whatever the fuck you want!
Whenever the fuck you want!
Do this for just 2 days and experience the thrill of being fearless. After
the two days you can go back to worrying about what people think, or
how you appear, or whatever other insignificant, trivial reason is holding
you back.
An extremely effective way to break through your fears is to tackle a
really big one immediately. If you have a fear of flying… parachute out
of an airplane. If you have a fear of public speaking… go to a
Toastmaster's meeting and give a five minute speech to a group of
strangers. You get my point.
Say Less Than Necessary
The 4th Law of Power states:
When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common
you appear, and the less in control. Even if you are saying something banal, it will
seem original if you make it vague, open-ended, and sphinxlike. Powerful people
impress and intimidate by saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to
say something foolish.
Human beings are curious creatures. They find it necessary to know
what you are thinking. As long as you put up a guard by carefully
controlling what you reveal, they will continue to try to interpret and
explain you.
You can often gain the control in a conversation by merely giving short
answers and long pauses…simply because it will put the other person on
the defensive, and they'll quickly try to fill the silence by nervously
jumping in with comments that reveal valuable information about them
and their weaknesses. They'll go home trying to figure out what
happened in the conversation, and the more time they spend pondering,
the more interesting you will appear.
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Saying less in a conversation also helps you avoid saying something that
will make you look foolish, or something that could be used against you.
This is especially important when you are out drinking. If you have a low
tolerance for alcohol; be sure to watch your consumption, as everything
you've worked for could be ruined by one night of diarrhea of the
mouth.
Once words are out, you cannot take them back. If you want to be a
social superstar you must not let others goad you into saying something
that you will come to regret. This means you also must learn to handle
your temper under pressure or when angry. As much satisfaction you might
get from an uncontrolled outburst, the consequences will linger on long after
the pleasure has subsided.
This also relates to a lot of the advice I give out regarding expressing your
feelings toward a girl. I always recommend saying the bare minimum. I've been
accused of being heartless, or not out for love… but the truth is, I've long
figured out that the less you say to a girl, the more interesting you appear to her.
The more time she spends trying to figure you out, the more value she's
invested in you. In the heat of the moment, you may be tempted to blurt out "I
love you," but you've just given away your greatest bargaining tool. Once she
knows how deeply you feel… the interest begins to diminish.
Revealing too much not only serves to diminish the interest people have in you,
but it can also be dangerous for placing yourself into a corner later on. If you
don't make it a habit of controlling the words that come out of your mouth, you
will wind up with a habit of letting your mouth write checks you can't cash.
Do not take this as an excuse to be shy or introverted. Shyness is not
interesting. In fact, shyness is a sign of insecurity. Shy people like to think of
themselves as noble… but in fact they are the most self indulgent people there
are. I know because I used to be one. I used to spend way too much time
thinking about what other people were thinking about me. This is not noble…
it is vain and reeks of self centeredness. And far from interesting.
Yes, there is a difference from being shy, and carefully choosing your words.
Know Where You're Going
Most people wander through life aimlessly. They look for other people
to guide them and show them direction.
Not the social superstar.
The social superstar lives on his own terms and knows exactly what he
wants out of life. This simple concept intrigues people. They can't
believe that he actually has it all figured out.
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If you want to capture people's attention, appear to have an inner
knowing guiding your actions. Don't be like the masses seeking approval
before they do anything. Each and every one of your actions should
appear to be done completely by your own accord.
If you've chosen join the fire department, be completely confident with
your decision and act as if that was the ONLY logical decision you could
have made based on your belief system.
People are amazed by people who live with a sense of purpose. This is
one of the reasons we are fascinated by athletes. It is difficult for the
common person to comprehend that a human being as dedicated his
whole life to a sport.
This idea of "knowing where you're going" doesn't just apply to choosing
a major in college, or picking a career. It applies to everyday situations.
Always seem one hundred percent confident in your choice of what
you're doing with you leisure time. When asked what bar, restaurant, or
movie they want to go to, most people will reply, "I don't know, where
you want to go?"
This typical answer must not ever slip out the social superstar's mouth.
The social superstar always knows where he wants to go, and is always
confident in his decision. If he is there… then IT IS the coolest place
you could possibly be.
Think about it. If you walked into a bar and Brad Pitt was chilling there
you would automatically assume that you found the happening spot. If
he is there, is must be cool, right? Even if the place is completely dead…
he must know something special about if that the rest of us don't if he is
hanging out there.
That is the mentality you need to have. Once you decide where you're
headed… do not second guess yourself. If you claim that it is going to
be a great time… make it a great time. After all, you're there right? And
you're the most interesting person these people know.
If you're at a bar and its pretty empty; Instead of complaining that no one
is there, or suggesting other places… try saying something like "This is
exactly what I needed tonight, a nice quiet place to chill with some cool
peeps. Could you ask for anything better?"
People like to have other people make up their mind for them. If you're
convincing enough they'll begin to feel that you're right. Maybe this quiet
hole- in -the -wall bar does have some special quality. They're just not
cool enough to notice... they need you to point it out.
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I had a friend in college who was the master of this. No matter what
situation you were in with him you couldn't help but enjoy yourself. He
would talk up the occasion and make you truly feel that he was genuinely
pleased to be hanging with you no matter where you were or what you
were doing.
And he would always talk up his experiences to other people later on.
Even if you and him just sat in a bar drinking alone… when asked the
next day he would be like "me and Bobby just had this really cool night bullshitting for hours in this hole in the wall bar… we got hammered and
shared some hilarious stories."
Do you see where I'm going?
Never appear too perfect
As humans, we absolutely hate feeling inferior to someone. Certain
people have a way of making you feel small through their brilliance. Do
not be that person. While you want to be interesting, motivated,
passionate, and persistent… you don't want to inspire too much envy
from people.
If you begin to inspire too much envy in people they will subconsciously
want to ruin you. They will try to create situations in which you falter.
We've all had that friend who was almost too perfect. He just couldn't
seem to do wrong, and other people absolutely adored him. Although on
the outside we praised him, secretly we were jealous and almost wanted
him to slip up. After awhile we even found our self "accidently" saying
things that might get him in trouble. Don' hate yourself for it. You were
human.
But you want to avoid being the guy who creates those feelings in people.
You don't want to make the people around you feel mediocre. You can
avoid being this guy by not talking too much about your
accomplishments. Sometimes that is not enough though. Sometimes
you have to hide some of your skills in certain situations. Even if you are
great at something… it is not always necessary to display your talents. In
a later chapter, we talk about the time and the place to "be excellent."
It is also important as you make your climb to social superstar that you
don't make a sudden improvement in fortune. When someone gets an
unexpected promotion, success, or victory… it tends to create immense
envy amongst your former peers.
Your rise to the top must seem gradual and expected.
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Other tips for being cool
1. Lead by Example
It’s easy for anyone to tell someone how cool they are… You need to
show them. Don’t ever talk about how many girls you can pull… just pull
them. If you and your buddies find yourself at a college party… be the
guy who immediately fits in. If you’re on the football team and everyone
else on the team is too hungover for Saturday’s game… be the guy still
scoring the touchdowns… because you switched to water midway
through the night. Don’t lecture… LEAD.
2. Don’t Avoid the Risk
Why was Braveheart so fucking cool? Because even though his legend
would have been sealed had he never stepped foot on another
battlefield… he went out there with his men each and every time. When
you’ve been assigned the role of leader… it’s easy to take advantage of
the people below you… but that will ultimately lead to them losing
respect for you.
3. Create a Winning Group Culture
Why is Derek Jeter adored… and Arod hated? Because Jeter is seen as a
leader who looks out for his team’s best interest… and Arod is seen as a
self serving asshole. If you’re going to be the leader of a group… it
should be a group that wins. Pump up everyone in the group… get
everyone to succeed. Have you noticed how in the show Entourage,
Vinnie Chase wants to do everything in his power to make his friends
successful too?
4. Delegate Authority, not Responsibility
No one wants to be told what to do… but everyone loves to tell other
people what to do. If you’re planning out Prom Weekend, instead of
telling Joe he’s in charge of renting out the hotel and buying the beer…
Tell him you trust him to find the right guy to rent the hotel and buy the
beer. Joe will never let you down. EVER.
5. Know Your Competition
Someone is always aiming for your top spot. You’ve got to pinpoint who
that guy is as quickly as possible and be prepared for the moment he
turns against you. Someone always will. People can only suppress
jealousy and envy for so long before it explodes. It is crucial that you’re
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ready for that explosion. When it happens… sit back and smile, knowing
that you’ve already covered all your bases.
The Taboo and getting people comfortable
talking about sex
The biggest social superstars, politicians like Bill Clinton and John F
Kennedy, know how to use their sexuality as a key ingredient to their rise
in stardom.
Most people, by nature, try to suppress their sexual needs and desires.
This leads to a population of people who hunger for their fix of sexuality
through pornography, explicit chat rooms, hidden affairs, and romance
novels.
For this reason, the individual who his comfortable, and better yet, makes
us feel comfortable with our sexuality is a refreshing change of pace, and
we begin to crave this person's presence.
This is something that I've always been extremely good at. I've never
viewed sex as something dirty or to be ashamed of, so I tended to
naturally talk about it. While people are usually taken back at first, soon
they are opening up to me with their explicit thoughts. Very few people
give them this opportunity so it automatically puts you in an
advantageous position.
I remember a few years back, I had been working in a restaurant for
about a year. For the first year working there, I didn't socialize much
with this group as I had a huge scene at college, and a girlfriend that was
already occupying most of my time. I also found these people incredible
tame for my taste.
Well, after graduating college, and simultaneously getting dumped by my
girlfriend, I found myself spending more time with these people. I
brought my frank sex talk with me, and openness to admit explicit details
of my life without blinking an eye.
Soon this tame crowd was openly discussing the use of vibrators,
threesomes, and an entire other lot of topics that had previously been
unheard of to discuss.
I became almost a guru to them. They looked to me to tell them was
alright to discuss and admit to. Which gave me an unbelievable amount
of power. At my command I would have girls hooking up with each
other, random games of truth or dare, orgies (yes I will tell this story one
day) and countless one night stands.
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By creating an environment where everyone was able to let their guard
down and feel confident expressing their desires, sex became just another
every day activity. There were no games behind it anymore. On many
occasions I would sleep with more than one girl in a night… with both
of them well aware of what was going on.
This is an art form. And not something that you should assume you
have the skills to do right off the bat. If done wrongly, you will wind up
looking like a sex crazed pervert. You don't want to come off as the
horny college guy who can't stop talking about sex. You need to come
off as having a maturity towards sex beyond your years. Almost as if
you're more evolved towards it then others. You have to be comfortable
talking about it because it is such a natural part of your life that you
would not be able to understand otherwise.
By creating an environment where sex is not a taboo subject, you create
an environment where everyone feels free to indulge in it. This is similar
to the movement that went on in the 1960's with the hippies. Although I
don't suggest taking the "free love" approach, as that will only label you a
dirty hippie.
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Chapter 7: Cultivate a fan base
(commitment + liking + reciprocation)
Your Objective:
The objective of the following chapter is to teach you how to develop a
legion of people who worship you. The previous chapters have given
you the tools necessary to be the type of guy who people want to be
around. But a crucial element to becoming a social superstar is to be
liked and adored. The three most important weapons of persuasion and
influence for building a fan base are commitment, liking, and
reciprocation.
Your communication skills need to be honed to near perfection. If you
want to have people following you it is important that you first get them
to like you. Once someone decides that they like you it will be much
easier to use the other weapons of persuasion and influence on them.
The following section will teach you exactly how to get people to like
you.
The second step in building a fan base is to get them to commit to the
idea of following your lead. People's attention's spans often waiver. They
quickly get sucked back into their own day to day existence. This is why
it is necessary to use specific psychological techniques that will mentally
bind them to sticking with you.
The third weapon of influence you must use to build your fan base is the
weapon of reciprocation. This is perhaps the most powerful of all the
weapons. This weapon simply states that human beings feel a mental
obligation to repay favors done for them. In the following section I am
going to show you how use the power of reciprocation to get legions of
people looking for ways to help you achieve superstardom.
Your Plan:
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This next section will get you further in life than any of the previous
sections. If you follow the communication techniques laid out
throughout the rest of this section you will make more friends, date more
women, earn more money, and live a more exciting and rewarding life
than 98% of the population.
These three weapons of influence (liking, reciprocation, and
commitment) are so powerful that if you can master them the world will
be handed to you on a silver spoon.
How to Get Involved in Scenes
Most of this book was written with the presumption that you already
have a social scene that you can climb to the top of and command. But I
also understand that there are some people reading this who will need
some guidance into how to go about finding the groups of people that
they want to hang out with.
Even if you currently have a social scene that you are active in I believe it
is important that you know how to find new scenes when the time
comes. It is also important to be a member of several social scenes
because it allows you to play them against each other for jealousy effect.
And b y dividing your time between several scenes the "scarcity" effect
will multiply, as will your "social proof."
In the previous section on "hobbies" I gave you some tips for finding
way to immerse yourself into new hobbies. In this short section I want
to list some more ways find people with common interests.
Part Time Jobs
Most romances don’t occur between two people who meet at a bar or
club. The majority of romances occur in the workplace. It makes sense.
When you’re spending 4 to 8 hours a day with the same group of people
you tend to get close to them. You also tend to start picturing them
naked. It’s a fact of life.
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I learned this lesson my junior year of high school when I took a job at
Shop Right. I wasn’t working there for more than two weeks before I
realized that the employees looked at the place like it was a giant night
club. Everyone was hooking up. And I mean everyone… from the 16
year old cashiers to the 55 year old Seafood Dept. managers.
If you’re in high school I would probably recommend a job in a
supermarket for meeting women. But once you graduate high school the
quality of girls your age working in a supermarket will greatly diminish.
I've put together a list of some of the best jobs to meet women at. These
are jobs for those of you still in college, those of you still waiting to find
your life calling, or those of you just looking to supplement your income
with a second job.
Remember these jobs not only open you up to meeting co-workers and
customers… but you also get introduced into the social scenes of all the
friends you make at your new job.
The 5 Best Part Time Jobs for Meeting Women
Tanning Salon- If you are going to get a job in a tanning salon you want
to make sure it is one of the bigger chains with lots of beds. You want to
work in a salon that has at least 5-10 other people working there.
Chances are they will all be girls. Young girls. All the customers will be
girls as well.
A tanning salon is best for someone with a fairly good level of game.
There won’t be as many co-workers to choose from, and you will only
have a minute or two to interact with customers each time they come in.
The benefit is that most likely it will be a small staff of 2 or 3 people
working. This means you will have up- close and personal time with any
cute chick working there. And most of the customers will be repeat
customers coming in weekly. This means you will have a chance to build
rapport over time.
Barnes and Noble- Barnes and Noble is best for the guy who genuinely
likes to read and discuss books. The girls that will work there will more
than likely be the hipster intelligent type. These girls may seem kind of
nerdy… but they are wild in bed. There will be many female customers
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roaming the store… but it will be hard to spend a good amount of time
hitting on them without pissing off your manager.
Barnes and Noble won’t offer as many hotties working there… but you
will have a great opportunity to interact with those who do. If at all
possible go for a position in the cafe. The cafe will offer the best
opportunity for flirting with customers.
Retail Store in a Mall- This job is for those of you under twenty one. And
it is perfect for you. If you get a job in a store like The Gap you are
bound to be working with adorable little 19 year old hotties. Hotties with
a lot of 19 year old friends. The customer base will largely be young girls.
Not only will your store have hotties employed in it… but so will every
other store in the mall. If you’re working there for awhile you’ll become
aware of the girls that work in Hollister a few stores down… the girls
who work the counters in the food court… and the girls selling bra and
panties in Victoria Secret.
The mall is a Mecca of female talent. Your game needs to be good… but
not great, to enjoy the fruits of your labor. If you establish yourself as the
fun party guy you’ll soon be adored by all the Just Graduated High
School Hotts. And I ask… Is there a better age group to be adored by? I
think not.
Waiting Tables in a Restaurant- Can you say social scene in a box? That
is what waiting tables is. It’s an instant social scene. Get a job at chain
restaurant like Fridays or Houlihans and you will instantly be engulfed in
a social scene of 10-20 other likeminded college students looking to get
paid, get drunk, and get laid.
You’re game doesn’t have to be good to work the restaurant scene. You’ll
work with a mix of college hotties, single moms, and the barely legal high
school hostesses. If you’re half way social and present your best self…
you’ll get laid. A lot.
What makes waiting tables better than the other three jobs on this list?
Alcohol. The best part of waiting tables is that it is almost customary to
have a drink with your co-workers when your shift ends… and we all
know… one drinks turns into three or four.
The only drawback of a watering job is that there is very little chance of
scoring with customers.
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Bartending in a Hip Bar- This is the Pinnacle of part time jobs. You get
the best of all worlds. You will be raking in the cash. You will be banging
your co-workers. You will have your pick of the customers. Point
blank… bartending is a power job.
Don’t ask me why… but bartenders rank up there with cops for scoring
the most ass. What makes bartending so great is that your co-workers
and clientele are likely to be just the kind of girls you’re looking for…
hot, easy, and they drink!
It’s not easy to land a good bartending job at a cool place. But that’s part
of the power in achieving it. Working as a bartender in a hip place says “I
know important people.”
Other Ways to Expand Your Social Scene
I just wanted to give you a quick list of ways you can immediately expand
you social scene. Of course everything on this list requires you to be
social and open to meeting people.
The trick to making friends at these kinds of things is to start right away.
The first day you show up at any of these events start talking to people.
Don’t start with the intention of making new friends or finding a
girlfriend… just make friendly conversation. The longer you wait to
break the ice… the harder it will get.
21 Ways to Expand Your Social Scene
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
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Join a young professionals organization
Take a yoga or meditation class
Get a part time job waiting tables
Join a bowling league
Join a volley ball league
Attend alumni events at your previous college
Attend a weekly class at your gym
Check out the various clubs at www.meetup.com
Join the Toastmasters
Take dancing lessons
Join a volunteer organization
Social Superstar
12. Use Myspace and Facebook to network (as opposed to hit on
girls)
13. Teach a class on a subject you love (art, photography, computers,
guitar)
14. Revive the old band and start looking for gigs at local bars
15. Whatever your passion is find a way to immerse yourself with
people who share your interest
16. Join a softball league
17. Attend any networking event your job puts on (and network)
18. Help with a political campaign (perfect timing)
19. get a part time internship in a field you love (even if it's for free)
20. Scour the computer for local events, classes, seminars
21. GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE
Those are just some of the many ways you can immediately begin to
meet new people and expand your social scene. The key to this is to find
activities that truly interest you and inspire you.
Being around people that share your interests will not only make new
friends available to you… new potential girlfriends… but it will also help
you grow as a person and get you closer to achieving your dreams.
How to be liked
I want to start this section off with a basic list, written by Sebastian
Drake, that you should copy on a piece of paper and keep this list in your
wallet along with your list of the six weapons of influence.
This list contains 13 characteristics of a likeable person. If you
implement all 13 of these characteristics to your daily life you will find
that people will instantly want to be around you more. When you
combine these 13 characteristics with the specific techniques I am going
to lay out in the rest of the section you will have the blueprint for
building a fan base.
In addition to this list, I highly recommend that you read Dale Carnegie's
How to Win Friends and Influence People.
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13 Characteristics of likeable People
1. Smiling - People who are at ease, confident, and happy tend to smile,
and that smile puts people at ease. Smiling shows that you're pleased to
see someone which can be really flattering. If you want to change one
thing to come across more social, smile a big smile. Sometimes you will
not feel in the mood to smile -however, if you choose to smile anyway
you'll still get the great results.
2. Eye contact - Maintaining eye contact when you talk to someone
draws them deep into conversation with you - the rest of the world slows
down, and you both become quite important to each other. It shows a
calm confidence in what they are saying and it makes them even more
engaging, almost hypnotic. A quick tip: Right eye to right eye. Look from
your right eye to the right eye of the person you're talking to. This strikes
a great balance between good eye contact and not staring.
3. Touch - You'll consistently see magnetic people reach out and touch
others. Touching shows emotion and affection and brings you closer to
other people. Humans crave physical contact with others, and more
emotion and affection can be expressed through touch than any number
of words ever could. Next time someone does or says something you
really like, give them a high five, some "pound", a playful punch on the
arm or a big hug.
4. Not talking about yourself - Likable people typically are more
curious to get to know other people and don't talk about themselves as
much. Likable people are always looking to find out more about the
other person, what they are doing, and what interests them the most.
Most people don't feel heard - likable people know this, and encourage
others to talk about what they really enjoy.
5. Not talking too much - Closely related to the above point. Likable
people and high status people do not talk too much. Instead they
encourage others to talk and to open up. People love to talk about their
experiences and cool things they've done - when you become more
curious and encourage them to speak more, they'll actually like you more.
If you catch yourself rambling for a while, an easy way to adjust is to say,
"But that's enough about me - what about you?"
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6. Empathy - Making people feel understood, and striving to truly
understand them is powerful. Everyone wants to be understood. People
want to know that they are not alone in the world. If you can reach out
to understand another person, you'll instantly form a great connection
with them. Next time someone tells you something heavy that you could
have a long discussion on, instead try saying just "I understand." You'll
be amazed at how uplifting it can make other people feel.
7. Not trying to impress - Somewhat accomplished people want
everyone to know about the accomplishments they've made. Really
amazing people are much more humble and low key about what they've
done. The most impressive people never actively try to impress people.
The result is that a man trying to impress communicates that he's not
impressive.
8. Showing praise and appreciation - Whenever you see anything you
like in another person, let them know. If people aren't used to you
opening up, praising, and appreciating constantly, you might get a funny
reaction at first. Once you've established that you're constantly on the
lookout for great things in others, people get used to feeling empowered
around you. When you do mention something you really like, keep it
casual. No big deal, no long talk. Just, "Hey, I really appreciate that you
did that." "I thought that was really cool how you did that."
9. Never criticizing, ever, for any reason - Likable people never
criticize others. People universally hate criticism, and hate people that
criticize them. Likable people always start off with genuine praise and
appreciation before trying to give constructive feedback, and will only
give this feedback rarely (because likable people understand that praise is
a much better way to help people change than even constructive
feedback, and criticizing is almost always useless).
10. Not trying to fix other peoples' problems - When someone tells
you they have a problem, but doesn't explicitly ask for your help, that
means they do not want you to tell them how to solve it. They want to
feel understood, cared about, and empowered. Over 90% of the time,
people know the solutions to their own problems. If someone brings a
minor problem to you, try listening, nodding, letting them know you
understand, and you're with them. Tell them you believe in them and you
think they'll sort it out. If they ask what you'd do, maybe make a quick
suggestion but don't drive the point really hard. As crazy as it sounds,
most people do not tell others about their problems in order to get
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solutions; they want understanding, empathy, and reassurance. People are
very strong and quite good at solving their own problems when believed
in.
11. Eliminate negativity - Never mentioning anything you don't like.
Especially never being down on culture-wide things outside of your
direct control: So, not complaining about the government, pop culture,
fashions you think are silly, activist groups you disagree with, and so on.
Being positive is really good. Not talking about things you dislike is even
more important.
12. Never complain - When people complain, others feel slightly less
inclined to be around them. It brings people down. If you don't like
something, you have two choices: Take action to fix it, or accept that it's
there. When you realize that, there's no reason
to complain.
13. Never impose weakness on others - Everyone feels down from
time to time. The most charismatic people never "impose" that down
feeling on others; instead, they're a fort of strength for people around
them. The more you stay composed, and refrain from showing being
fazed or flustered, the more you gain control over your life. People start
to respect you more, and they feel they can rely on you.
You probably already do a lot of those - for a bonus; pick a couple more
and start implementing. You'll see quick improvements right away, and
long term improvements down the line.
Making Friends
In the section below I am going to outline some steps for acquiring
female friends. The steps outlined can be used just as effective for
making friends with other men who will make suitable wingman, or just
good buddies.
I've also recommended reading How to Win Friends and Influence
People.
The most important thing that you will find is that once you implement
everything you've learned in the previous section you will find it very easy
to make friends.
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The Art of Acquiring Female Friends
The importance acquiring female friends has been stressed many times
on TSB and throughout the dating advice industry by nearly every coach.
Guys new to studying dating and pick up will probably find this advice
contradictory to the never ending battle against getting placed in the
friend zone. But there is an important distinction between making
friends with girls, and getting put in the friend zone. When you get put
in the friend zone your intention wasn't to be friends. Your intention
was to date or sleep with them.
Because they were likely aware of your true intention, you friendship is
never at an even playing field. The girl will always hold a subconscious
power over you. And you will more than likely forever pine for your
opportunity to finally bust through the barrier of friendship.
This is why it makes much more sense for you to put girls in the friend
zone. As guys, we are trained to want every pretty girl we come across.
But the fact is, we can't have them all. For a long time I made the mistake
of sleeping with cool girls, simply because I could, knowing full well that
I had no interest in taking the relationship any further. I burned a lot of
good bridges doing this.
Later, as my skills progressed, I instead made friends with these girls.
Sure, I would occasionally sleep with them too. But by this point I was a
social superstar so it was acceptable.
The social superstar knows that the easiest way to climb to the top of the
food chain is by having female cheerleaders cheering on your every
move. Women often make the man. This is because the man who
controls the women… is the man everyone wants to be around.
Think about it. Why do club owners, DJs, actors, bartenders seem to
always have power? It is because these guys are always surrounded by
women. Men know that hanging around these guys will lead to more
girls in their lives. Women know that hanging around these guys equals
excitement and privilege.
Whatever social scene you are currently involved in- you should make an
effort to befriend the hottest, most adored woman in that scene. In
order to do this you must eliminate all desire you have to sleep with her.
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You must accept right now that you will never sleep with her. She is
merely a pawn in your chess game.
Once you've completely eliminated your desire to sleep with this woman,
making friends with her should be relatively easy. If you've followed the
guidelines throughout this manuscript than you've already established
yourself as a funny, interesting, and adventurous guy. You've already
developed a strong degree of social proof. This social proof gives you
the ability to befriend her. The social proof she provides you with gives
you the ability to become a superstar.
The most important thing to do if you want to win someone over is to
give them something. You aren't going to give them gifts, compliments,
or favors. These things devalue you. Instead you will be giving her
appreciation. Appreciation mixed with adventure and excitement. No
one can resist these things.
Appreciation simply means recognizes the unique qualities in her. Your
goal is not to flatter her, but to make her feel important, understood, and
special.
The easiest way to make someone feel important is to really pay attention
when they are talking to you. Instead of waiting for your chance to talk,
take mental notes of what she is telling you. This way you can discover
what her true interests and passions are.
Once you've acquired this information- you can use it to win her over.
Confidential tricks for winning her over
1. Remember details of her life. Don't be obnoxious or creepy about it,
but by paying attention you'll be able to ask her things later. For
instance, if during a conversation she makes a joke about having wanted
to be a fireman when she was little, in a conversation down the road- if
she's complaining about her current job- say something like- "Well, they
always need fireman." She won't have expected you to remember that
minute detail of a previous conversation… and when you do she'll really
appreciate you.
2. Once you figure out how she views herself, play to that. For instance,
if you can tell that she believes she is very knowledgeable about
movies… say something like "hey, did you see (insert movie) cause I
always trust your opinion on what's good." By doing this you're
demonstrating that you see her as having an expertise in something other
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than looking pretty. Most girls want to believe deep down inside that
they're more than their looks.
3. Completely drop your guard around her. Don't hesitate to say
anything you would around your male friends. Be 100% completely
yourself. Don't stress your faults or blunders- but don't go out of your
way to hide them. Most guys put on such a front around her, that the
realness you display around her will be refreshing.
4. Develop an inside joke with her. If the two of you are involved in a
social scene together you can pick another person in that scene and share
a bit of information with her about that person- but tell her she can't tell
anyone. Make it ridiculously unbelievable, but play it up very well. Now
whenever this person is around, make inside references to that little piece
of knowledge. She'll always be questioning you about whether or not it's
true- and soon the mere sight of this person will make her wish you were
around to share in the humor.
5. Get her to experience something completely outside her comfort
zone. And make her have a good time doing it. For instance, after a
work Christmas party one year, I got the entire staff- women included- to
head over to a strip bar with me. If you can get her to do something
outside of her comfort zone, and associate the rewarding and exciting
feeling with you- she'll become addicted to the thrill you provide.
For more information on acquiring female friends listen to our podcast
on the subject at:
http://www.greatseducer.com/2006/12/04/podcast-1/
Communication
The way in which you communicate with them men and women in your
social group will go along way toward building your fan base.
Everything you have learned in this manuscript will work in synergy.
This means that the communication skills you are learning in this section
are dependent on you having already created your image, began to make
yourself more interesting, taken on the attitude of the winner, and give
off a 10 second impression of a superstar.
It is important that you've already completed the above listed steps so
that you will be accepted by your peers as being a "higher status" male.
The communication skills you are learning in this chapter do not work
nearly as well if you are looked at as having lesser status, or beta qualities.
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A lower status man who follows the principles laid out in a book like
"How to Win Friends and Influence People" will come across as
insincere or "try hard". This is because a lower status male will be viewed
as having an agenda. People will assume that he is being nice because he
wants something from you. People do not appreciate or respect praise or
admiration that comes from someone they view as being "lower" than
them.
On the other hand, people are greatly moved by admiration that comes
to them from someone they view as being "higher status" then them.
It is a simple concept. If a fat girl tells you that she likes your new
haircut you immediately assume that she has an agenda behind it. You
don't accept the praise as genuine. And you secretly resent the fat girl for
thinking that she has a chance with you simply by complimenting you.
But if a woman of exceptional beauty tells you that she likes your new
haircut you begin to feel proud of the haircut. A beautiful woman can
pick and choose who she compliments- and her choosing to compliment
you makes you feel special. You remember that compliment- and more
importantly- you feel a sense of "liking" toward that beautiful woman.
Now that was an extreme example because of the examples of the two
different classes of women. But this theory holds just as true when
applied to men who you view as having different social value. When a
man "lower" than you on the social ladder compliments you or does you
a favor you feel no special bond toward him. But when a man who you
view as being "higher" up the social ladder than you does you a favor or
compliments you there an unconscious bond that you feel toward him.
That bond is the feeling of the need to reciprocate. The law of
reciprocation is the most powerful of all the weapons of influence.
When someone gives us something of value, whether it is a compliment,
a favor, or a gift… we do not feel a sense of completion until we
reciprocate the gesture.
This is why you will so often hear two people complimenting each other
within seconds. A woman will say to another woman "I really like you
earrings" and immediately the other woman will say "Thank you. I love
the shirt you're wearing."
People can't have the weight of reciprocation hanging over them. Even
though it is an unconscious feeling, the need to unburden one's self of it
is so powerful that a person often acts immediately to restore the
balance.
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While it is only possible to gain the feeling of "liking" when a higher
status person compliments you or does you a favor. The sense of
reciprocation is felt in any situation in which one person provides
another with a favor, compliment, or gift.
But the level in which we reciprocate back is tenfold when we feel the
person who gave us something is of higher value to us.
The Law of Reciprocation and Higher Status
This is the fundamental concept that you need to build your fan base:
When a higher status person gives something away to a lower status
person- they will get back what they gave exponentially.
Before I explain the ways in which to apply this in the social world, I
want to briefly show an example of how this works in the business or
marketing world.
As editor of TSB Magazine I recognize the "world" in which we reside in.
This world includes all of the other men's online magazines, websites,
blogs, and authors. We are also greatly aware of the hierarchy and where
we fit in within in. The hierarchy in our world is based on reputation,
number of visitors, prestige, and influence. We recognize that as being
fairly new TSB is below sites magazines like Maxim, Playboy, or Men's
Health. However, we are above thousands of other websites and blogs.
When TSB is mentioned or receives a link from a site like Maxim or
Playboy we recognize that a genuine favor was produced. We feel an
immediate sense of liking toward that site for recognizing our unique
talent. We also feel a strong sense of the need to reciprocate.
Here is the kicker…. If a site like Maxim mentions us just once and
provides one link to us- because we recognize that imbalance between
our two spheres of influence- we will go out of our way to mention them
four or five times, providing four or five links to their site.
The same rule applies just as strongly to role reciprocation plays in the
social hierarchy.
If we (the higher status) person give something to anyone that is lower
status then us- we will get back what we've given exponentially.
The weight of reciprocation will be so strong on their back that they will
feel the need to not only return the favor- but to return it in a much
greater magnitude than we originally gave it in.
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This is the reason that some people seem to rapidly ascend to the top of
the social ladder. Once you have established a little bit of social currency,
you are able to multiply that currency. This is very similar to the saying
"the rich get richer."
Remember: Everything we give we will get back exponentially.
As you read through the next few sections keep this in mind as it will
allow you to see the true power in what I am telling you.
Be Fun to Be Around
The entire reason you should even want to become a social superstar is
for the fun and excitement it will provide you. Well, based on the law of
reciprocation- the easiest way for you to acquire fun and excitement is to
provide it to others.
The easiest way to be fun to be around is to follow the principles laid out
in chapter six. Some of the key ideas include: be funny, fearless, and
adventurous, talk about the taboo, and have some skills that entertain
people.
We did a podcast called "Being the badboy with women" awhile back.
This podcast includes many ways in which you can add excitement to the
lives of those around you.
http://www.greatseducer.com/2008/07/13/being-the-bad-boy-withwomen/
The secret to being fun to be around
The biggest thing you can do yourself be fun to be around is to make the
people you're with feel like they are fun to be around.
Although you should be introducing things like adventure, humor, taboo
subjects… ultimately your goal is to bring these qualities and
characteristics out from those around you.
You don't want the people around you to feel like an idle spectator in
your show- you want them to feel like they are a part of it. This is what
will cause them to put some investment into it. This is what will make
them commit to seeing you achieve social superstardom. They will feel
that they are a part of it, and therefore, are along for the ride.
This means help those around you develop the confidence to explore
their sense of humor. Encourage them to take risks, to indulge in the
taboo, and to demonstrate the skills that they have.
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Be Someone Who Makes Things Happen
Lower status people will always be won over much more easily than the
higher status people in your social circle.
Winning the higher status people over requires the skill of becoming the
go-to guy for a good time. Although most high status people are fun to
be around- often they are not creative. This means that they will most
likely hang out at the same couple of bars or clubs every weekend.
The social superstar makes things happen. He is a leader who organizes
the fun adventures that everyone craves. This means organizing things
like ski trips, concerts, paint ball expeditions, long road trips, themed
parties, nights out at unique places like S& M clubs, salsa dancing,
tailgating…
The events I just listed are things that pretty much everyone enjoys
doing. The problem is that no one takes the initiative to set them up. Or
a lower status person tries to set them up- but no one follows along.
You being the high status male must initiate these sorts of things and get
people to follow along with you. These sorts of events are what will
make you unique and separate you from the other higher status males in
the group who are content to spend another night at the local pub.
Here is a list of things that you should try to organize:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
Themed parties (toga, ugly sweater, 80's)
Softball games and BBQs
S & M clubs
Salsa clubs
Concerts w/tailgating
Bowling nights
Road trips
Ski trips
Beach houses
Happy hours (particularly a weekly event like Taco Tuesdays)
Paintballing
Sky diving excursions
Hookah bars
Volleyball night (some bars have courts)
Strip clubs (bringing women with you)
Fairs
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17. Monster truck derbies
These are just some fun things that most people would enjoy, but never
take the initiative to set up. Most people wind up at the same bars or
clubs every weekend. If you are the guy introducing other people to this
whole new world… they will repay you with loyalty and admiration.
Get Interested in Other People
I am about to tell you the secret to acquiring and keeping massive
amounts of friends. The secret is to continually be curious about other's
lives- and be their biggest fan.
Everyone is the most important person in their own life. Because of this
very few people actually pay attention to the people around them. Most
people barely listen to the people that they are in conversation with, and
are just silently waiting for their chance to speak.
The sad truth is; everyone craves attention and recognition so much it
hurts them. And the person who supplies them with "drug" of
recognition holds a very strong power over them.
Show genuine interest in other people's lives.
This does not mean simply ask them a lot of questions. Anybody can ask
a lot of questions to fill up the dead air. In fact, asking a lot of questions
of someone may even annoy them.
The secret is to really listen when they talk to you. You should not only
be listening, but you should be remembering the details of the
conversation. You need to store specific details away for later use.
There is nothing more flattering to a person than the realization that
someone not only listened to them, but actually remembered obscure
details of a conversation. You need to use the information wisely and
subtly down the road. Remember the example I gave earlier of the
woman who casually told you that she wanted to be a fireman when she
grew up…. And days or months later, when she was complaining about
her current job, you said "I'm sure there are fires you could be putting
out." On the surface she probably laughed… but inside she will be
flattered that you remembered such a small detail of something she told
you.
Here is a trick for remembering details:
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Photographic Memory
If you don't already own a digital voice recorder, you need to go out and
get one immediately. They are useful for so many activities. Other than
using one as a self improvement tool when it comes to perfecting tonality
and conversation skills, you can use it to demonstrate a photographic
memory.
You carry the voice recorder along with you in your pocket. When
having conversations with important people you just press record. Later
when you go home transfer that file to your computer in a folder with
their name (or better yet a code name.) These folders should be reviewed
before you go out to interact with these people again. You can play the
previous conversation and pick out important details. These people will
be impressed that you were able to remember things that most people
forget. You can also use this when getting a girl's phone number. Ask
for her number, then repeat it loud enough for the recorder to pick it up,
and then tell her you'll call her. She'll wonder why you didn't write it
down and assume you will forget it. Later when you call, you can just tell
her you have a photographic memory.
Be careful not to seem too creepy by remembering too much. Only
stalkers know every little detail about someone. But it is a pleasant
surprise and a great conversation hook when you ask them about
something they probably assumed you forgot.
Remember Names
I went back for homecoming weekend at my old college last October.
The night before the homecoming game everyone from the Greek
system usually meets at this bar called Alexis right down the street from
campus. I had been out of school for seven years, but many of my old
friends and classmates show up for what is basically a yearly reunion.
While I am ordering a beer this girl from a sorority I used to part with
frequently, says "hello" to me. She is a girl that I always thought was
pretty cute, but she always had a boyfriend so I never talked much to her
during college. After making brief small talk, she says "Do you even
know my name?" I looked her straight in the eyes and said "Of course I
know your name Kimberly."
Her jaw dropped. She was absolutely astonished I knew her name. She
went on to confess that she had a huge crush on me throughout college.
We spent the rest of the night talking and I arranged a date to hang out.
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I realized something that night. When you view someone as having
higher status than you- you subconsciously believe that they are too
important for you. You see yourself as such a blip in their reality that
they probably don't even know your name.
At first I was shocked that she would have thought I didn't know her
name. But then I realized that I too get happy when a girl I view as
having higher status knows my name. I actually get tingly upon hearing a
beautiful woman say it.
The lesson to be learned: Remember everyone's name the first time you
hear it. Use the photographic memory trick if you have to. And when
you see anyone- no matter how low down the social ladder the may beaddress them by their name.
Human beings love the sound of their own name. They never get tired
of hearing it. And they feel flattered when people remember it.
Make Other People Feel Like Superstars
As you can see by everything leading up to this section- the secret to
building your fan base is to become the fan of others.
Remember that everything you give to others will be reciprocated back to
you. And if the people you are giving value to are lower on the social
ladder than you- they will feel the need to give back to you twice as much
as you gave to them.
So the next step is to make these people feel like Superstars. Just think;
as badly as you want to become a social superstar- most of these people
will have the same desire.
It is not a competition or a race. Never worry that someone else will
steal your spot light. You need to look at them as members of your
team. You always want your team to be as strong as possible. The
cooler, more interesting, entertaining, and fun people you have around
you- the higher your value becomes. And more importantly – the more
enjoyable your life becomes.
Making other people feel like superstars is really a culmination of
everything we've learned in this chapter. But the most important part- is
to openly praise them, compliment them, and give value to them. This
must be done in public.
Let's say that there is a guy in your social scene that is slightly below you
on the social ladder. One night you go out with this guy and he hooks
up with an attractive woman. It is obvious to you that he is proud of
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himself. This is your chance to boost him up even further. Not only
should you acknowledge to him that you were impressed by what he
did… you should brag about it for him to the other people in your social
circle. Tell the story for him- make him seem even cooler than he is.
Get in the habit of being the fan of those around you.
The flattery must be sincere. I say this because we all know that guy who
is always seems incredibly fake while boosting up his friends. This is
because he doesn't use concrete examples for his praise. He says
something like "Joe is the man. He is the coolest guy I know." This
sounds phony. The praise must be specific. It should be said like this:
"Joe is the man. Last week the two of us were at this bar. There were
two girls we both wanted to talk to. Before I knew- he's macking both of
them. It took him like five minutes, and he's making out with this cute
brunette. This guy is the coolest guy I know."
Do you see how much more sincere and real it sounds when you back up
praise with specific examples. You know that Joe is proud of what he
did. You know that he wants to brag about it. But he can't. So you do it
for him. He will love you for it.
You should also make it a habit to pull people out of their comfort zone.
If you know that Joe is shy around woman, help him to get over it.
Don't lecture him or try to impose "strategies" on him. Help him by
giving him practice. Bring him into situation where he will be forced to
talk to women. And later build him up. Talk about how "the girl was
definitely into you." If you can get him out of his comfort zone, and
contribute to him building his self esteem- he will forever be in gratitude
toward you. And you've done a nice thing for him.
Let Other People Sell You
This is the culmination of all of everything you've been doing.
Up until now, the entire focus of what I have been talking about is how
you should be giving value to others. Well, now is the time in which that
value is paid back to you- exponentially.
By doing things like remembering people's name, showing interest in
them, praising them, making them feel important, and turning them into
superstars- they will feel an uncontrollable sense of obligation to
reciprocate the value.
Think about it. You are a high value person. You've taken interest in
them and have openly praised them. Not only is there a sense of
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obligation to return the favor- but it is in their best interest to do so.
You are now on "their side." This means that the stronger and more
powerful you become- the higher that they will be able to rise along with
you.
These men and women will become an army of publicity agents for you.
If you're showing them a good time, they will be constantly talking about
how much fun they had with you. If you praised them, they will go out
of their way to praise you and talk you up to everyone who will listen. If
you are higher value- they will want to be associated with you. They will
look for every excuse to talk about "the awesome time" you had together.
View it like this. Imagine that you spent a night partying with Brad Pitt.
Now imagine that Brad Pitt turned out to be a really cool guy who
showed genuine interest in you. How many people do you think you
would be telling that story to? Everyone you possibly could.
The more people talk about you the higher your value becomes.
It will eventually get to the point where your reputation will precede you.
Your name will travel through many social circles. When you show up
for a party random people will already know who you are. Because these
people already know who you are they will be more likely to talk to you.
Rinse, wash, and repeat on this new group of people.
Can you see how quickly you can become a social superstar? Can you see
how quickly invitations will start pouring your way from various social
circles? Can you see how many opportunities will be thrown at you?
The Butterfly Effect
"The "Butterfly Effect" is the propensity of a system to be sensitive to
initial conditions. Such systems over time become unpredictable, this idea
gave rise to the notion of a butterfly flapping it's wings in one area of the
world, causing a tornado or some such weather event to occur in another
remote area of the world."
Your entire life- especially your social life- is ruled by the butterfly effect.
This means that every tiny, seemingly insignificant action will have a later
effect on your life.
For instance, tonight you walk into a restaurant and have dinner. You
leave your waiter a larger than normal tip. A month later you are at a bar.
The waiter is there, remembering the large tip you gave him he
recognizes you and introduces you to his friends. It turns out that one of
his friends has the same interest in rock climbing that you do. You
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befriend the guy on Facebook and set a date to go rock climbing. The
day before you're about to go rock climbing you leave a comment on his
Facebook page telling him "Get ready for some heavy duty climbing
tomorrow!" It turns out that a girl you dated several years ago is friends
with him on Facebook. She sees your comment, and befriends you. She
invites you to come to a party with some of her friends. While at the
party- you meet and fall in love with another girl.
All because you left a waiter an above average tip.
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PART TWO:
The Best of TSB Magazine VOL 1.
2005-2008
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5 Keys to Playing the Role of Being Wanted
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 09/09/2007
If you could make a girl believe one thing about you, what do you
think would most make her want to date you?
That you’re rich? That you’re packing nine inches? That you’re insanely
confident? That you’re talented, passionate, and intelligent? That you’re
the energizer bunny in bed?
If you guessed any of these things you’d be wrong for ninety nine percent
of the women out there. If you want to fool a girl into believing any one
thing about you it should be; that you are wanted by other women.
Girls are strange creatures. They are so unsure of their own opinion that
they need to confirm it with the opinion of other women. If they like him
“I should like him too” is the thought that goes through their minds.
So I’m going to give you a quick list of things you can do to achieve the
perception to a girl you are interested in that you “get laid” and are in
demand.
1. Through Storytelling. In some of the gambits Mystery uses this
plays a huge part. Tell a story about you and a hot chick. The story has to
indirectly reference that she was hot. Never say, “Me and my ex, who was
really hot…” That sounds like you’re trying to impress her. Instead say,
“One of the things me and my ex would fight about was the way she
responded to the attention she got from men. I wasn’t jealous. I’m not a
jealous person. But she was like a ham when she noticed guys gawking at
her. To me that's just obnoxious.” You see you never said she was hot…
But the girl will assume it. That example is a little over the top, but you
get the point.
2. Through Pictures. Take as many pictures of yourself with hot chicks
as possible. I don’t care if these girls are friends, co-workers, ex girl
friends, prostitutes, or your cousins. The point is to have these pictures
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lying around your house or even in your car. Girls by nature love to look
at pictures. When she flips through these pictures and sees you with all
these girls a message will be delivered to her brain; “I better keep this one
before he runs off with one of these girls”
3. Through Text Messages. When you’re out with a girl, try to set it
up to have many of your friends call your cell phone or text you. Texting
is even better. You can pull your phone out, read the text, and then
quietly put your phone back in your pocket without mentioning it. Girls
will always assume its other girl’s texting you. The key to this is don’t
mention the texts and don’t respond to the texts. Just read the texts and
put the phone away. If she asks who keeps texting, just say “a friend”
4. Through Unavailability. Don’t always be available to hang out. And
when you can’t hang out don’t give a reason. If she says “You want to get
together Friday?” Say “Fridays no good?” Don’t say why. She won’t ask.
You can then say “Saturday would work better.” or “How about early
next week” Either way she’ll assume that if you can hold off meeting her
then you must be used to meeting attractive women, and be not at all
phased by having to wait to see her.
5. Through Taking Hot Girls off a Pedestal. Never talk about how
“hot” another girl is. Or how “hot” she is. If she asks you if you think
Jessica Alba is good looking, don’t say “she’s hot” it sort of puts you in
that category of college guys who read Maxim magazine. Instead say,
“She’s got sexiness, but she’s not my type.” The girl will wonder what
your type is, and if she fits it.
These are just five things you can begin immediately to present the image
to women that you are in demand. If you’re already scoring hot babes
this will just be things you do naturally and in turn will make you score
even more babes.
The rich get richer my friends…
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10 Lessons for Successfully Hooking Up with
Girls
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 11/07/2007
Fuck an intro! Let’s get right down to it. Because the more time you
spend reading this shit, the less fucking you’ll be doing. Read it. Learn it.
Understand it. In grain it. Re-read it if you fuck up. Apply these rules,
lessons, principles immediately in your life, and watch the used condom
wrappers pile up.
The first ten lessons apply in situations where you have yet to kiss the
girl.
1. Trust your gut. Unless you are a completely delusional person, I’d say
on average your gut feeling is right more that 80%of the time. That
leaves 20% for error. I’d say that is a chance worth taking. You know
when talking to a girl if you are getting a vibe or not. If you feel a vibe,
chances are she does too. Act on it quickly. Do not give yourself time to
second guess. Because second guessing comes from thought. And
remember, thought is the cheapest commodity on earth. Intuition is
priceless. Go with it. With that being said, if you don’t feel it, flee. Don’t
waste another second with a dead end lead.
2. Take action quickly. The biggest mistake you can make is letting a
good one slip by because you hesitated or wanted more proof that your
gut feeling was right. If you start looking for proof you’ll start finding the
opposite. The minute you feel your gut saying its time; IT IS TIME. Not
tomorrow, not next week, not after you get a haircut, or a new job, or
after you have time to plan out some advanced strategy. Those are all
excuses to delay. A way to procrastinate. That is your fear of failure. That
is your way of justifying the fact that you haven’t got the balls to act on a
good lead. If you want pussy you better be ready to act on a minutes'
notice. No later. The sad truth is there are a hundred guys lined up
behind you to fuck this one girl. Delay for a second, and you’ll be home
again masturbating, while the guy who took action has his dick between
her legs.
3. Lead the conversation in the direction you want it to go in. You
are probably saying, ‘okay I feel it, now what?’ If you don’t think it is the
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appropriate place or moment to kiss her, lead her to that place. If you are
in a crowded place tell her to come with you some where more intimate.
Tell her. Don’t ask. Lead her to a better spot. If your gut was right, she
will be more than willing to follow. Now make sure the conversation
stays where you want it. If you let her start rambling on she may wind up
talking about something that kills the mood. Her dead aunt. Her last
relationship. Her current boyfriend. Remember: THE MORE TIME
THE TWO OF YOU SPEND TALKING THE HARDER IT WILL
BE TO KISS HER. YOU WILL TALK YOURSELF RIGHT PAST
THE MOMENT. Make sure you keep the conversation light and
flirtatious. Throw compliments out there, but DO NOT OVER DUE
IT. Find a genuinely nice characteristic of hers and let her know you
notice it. If she has on a nice smelling perfume let her know that you’ve
noticed. Don’t try to flatter her with remarks about her eyes, or how
pretty she is. Those are clichés and hardly ever get you anywhere.
Compliment things that she can reply to. You tell a girl she is beautiful
and there will be silence. Silence is good if you are at the point where you
want to move in for the kiss, but if you are not at that point then you risk
a potentially awkward moment.
4. Kiss her already, damn it. I stressed this point in lesson #3 but it is
well worth repeating. Until your lips have touched hers you have shit.
Shit. Shit. Nothing. You may have had the greatest conversation in the
world, but if you leave without kissing her you are no closer to her pussy
then you were yesterday. Planting seeds is for farmers my friend. Chances
are you won’t have another opportunity as perfect as you just blew.
5. The hand is the first step. Before we can kiss a girl we must make
use of our hands. This is our way of warning her that it is coming. That
way it is not a complete shock when we lean in for the kiss. I’m not
talking about molester type shit. I’m talking about making an initial
contact. Rubbing her back. Brushing hair away from her eyes. Holding
her hand. Holding her hand is the key. If you can get her hand in yours,
you are more than half way there. A nice trick is to grab her hand when
leading her through a crowded place. It will seem completely appropriate;
yet, it creates a certain amount of intimacy. If at all possible keep holding
it, once you get her through the crowd, a little longer than necessary.
6. Let her know your intentions if you must leave without kissing
her. Yea, I know it happens. There are times that you really can’t kiss her
right then and there. If this is the case it is vital that you set the terms of
your next encounter immediately. Let her know, in not so many words,
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that when you see her again you intend on kissing her. (Hopefully
fucking her) Do this by stressing those warning signals I told you about.
Use your hand. Hold her hand for a second or two longer than normal
while saying goodbye. Tell her that you really want to see her again. Make
plans to see her right then and there. Don’t leave it up to a phone call. I
hate making that call, and I’m sure most of you do to. Set a date, a place,
and a time up.
7. Don’t act hungry. Those who look hungry never get fed. While you
don’t want to lose her to the competition, you also don’t want to appear
desperate. Even if you are. Once you realize that nothing is going to
happen tonight, let it go. DO NOT BEG FOR IT. If she has to leave,
let her leave. Follow lesson #6 while saying goodbye. But do not try to
talk her into staying around. It will kill your chances for next time.
Always leave with the upper hand.
8. Be decisive. Make up your mind quickly and stick to that decision
firmly. There are a million girls in the world. Unfortunately you can’t fuck
them all. Decide who the lucky lady is for the night and go for her. Once
you have decided, push the other ones out of your mind for the time
being. You will spread yourself to thin if you go for more than one girl at
a time. Now I’m not saying you can’t talk to other girls and use them as
jealousy tools, but know who the bitch of the bunch is and go for her
100%. That way if you fail with her- she’s off the list.
9. Overcome small obstacles. The difference between a winner and a
loser is; a loser gives up that much sooner. A winner figures out a way to
win. That is why once you have decided on the girl, you don’t give up
until you have gotten in her pants or there is a painfully clear rejection.
Don’t settle for less. When obstacles appear, deal with them, and
overcome them. Most of the time the girl is just weeding out the weak.
Don’t be weak. Girls do not like the weak. If a girl shoots one of your
attempts down and you continue on it shows vast amounts of
confidence. CONFIDENCE IS THE MOST ATTRACTIVE
QUALITY YOU CAN DISPLAY TO HER.
10. There is no perfect moment. This is kind of a rehash of the other
nine lessons. Do not wait for the perfect moment to strike up a
conversation, ask for the number, hold the hand, or go for the kiss. The
perfect moment does not exist. WAITING FOR THE PERFECT
MOMENT = ANOTHER NIGHT JERKING OFF. And I don’t know
about you, but I am sick and tired of stroking myself to sleep.
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These are the toughest lessons to master. Why? Because they require a
certain amount of balls that we all have but tend to suppress. It is easier
to delay. As with anything in life. I learned these lessons the rough way.
When I say rough I mean I went months in between fucks. Months! I
watched guys not half as good looking, with half the sense of humor, half
the knowledge I had, get more pussy in a week then I did in a year. And
it hurt. Bad.
I took comfort in the knowledge that I knew more than they did. So
fucking what? It is all shit. Until you have that girl naked in your bed
begging for your cock to dig inside of her, you have not proven anything
to anyone. I was the king of content. If I knew I could have her I was
okay. NO MORE! I will say it again loudly, UNTIL YOUR DICK
PENETRATES HER PUSSY YOU HAVE JACK SHIT. Try and tell
me how you can have any girl you want on any given day, I will laugh in
your face. SHOW ME THE PUSSY. Because without it you’re a
dreamer. And dreams are like thoughts; cheap and meaningless.
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Emulate a Celebrity for Instant Rapport
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 11/19/2007
This is simple advice. I’ve done it. And I’ve seen other people do it. And
it works. It works like a charm. This is best for guys who haven’t yet
developed their own personal style and unleashed their own personal
inner charisma.
People naturally feel most comfortable around people they know. They
are also most attracted to people that they see often. This is the reason
people often date someone they work with, go to school with, or share
mutual friends with. You see these people all the time and they are part
of your consciousness. When you see these people out you are drawn to
them out of their familiarity. Because they are familiar you feel rapport
with them and are attracted to them easier then someone you are seeing
for the first time.
Follow me so far?
This all came much clearer recently in Brazil. I was in a city where I knew
no one. The place is filled with beautiful women. It is relatively easy to
initiate a conversation with any of the girls down there, as I am a young
decent looking foreigner. What I noticed about myself is that I was
drawn to the girls that reminded me of girls I knew back home. I was
consistently going after the girls that resembled girls from my social
circle, not just in appearance but in manner. It wasn’t a conscious
decision. But in a land of unfamiliarity these girls were comfortable. They
put me at ease. I felt a rapport with them which made me more attracted
to them.
This got me to thinking. When you’re out and you see someone who
looks like someone that you know, don’t you pay a little more attention
to them then the other less familiar looking faces? Most people do. It’s
natural. We like familiarity. Women are the same way. I’ve found that
when a woman I just met tells me that I remind her of someone she
knows, she is usually more responsive to me, lets things accelerate
quicker, and generally less flaky in future meetings.
So the question I had was how I could create this rapport more often.
And the answer was to remind women of someone they know more
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often. Since we don’t know anything about most women and the men in
their lives, how can we remind them of someone they know? We have to
remind them of someone that everyone knows. And who does everyone
know? Celebrities!
I know a few guys who naturally resemble celebrities (not necessarily
traditionally good looking celebrities) and these guys have always had an
easy time opening women. Most of the time the women don’t even
realize that the guy looks like so and so, but they feel an instant rapport
with them. This is because these guys are familiar to women. The women
feel like they’ve known them for a long time. They put their guards
down.
So a quick way to gain instant rapport with women is to emulate a
celebrity. Most of us have a celebrity that we resemble in some way. It
doesn’t have to be a great looking guy. It can be Tony Soprano for all it
matters. It just has to be someone that is part of national consciousness.
Once you decide on someone that you physically resemble (it helps if it’s
someone that other people have told you) then next step is emulate their
mannerisms, their tone of voice, their gestures, facial expressions, and
style of dress. I’m not talking about stalker type obsessive shit… I’m just
talking about emulating someone.
You can rent a few videos of the person you’ve chosen and really watch
them. And practice. Practice their walk, their talk, and their mannerisms.
You don’t want to make it obvious that you’re trying to look like
someone. And the people that know you closely will notice the change
and most likely rip on you for it... But when you go out you’ll notice a
huge difference in the way you are reacted to.
Girls will open up to you much easier. This doesn’t mean you don’t need
the game to back it up. But it will open doors that might have otherwise
been shut. Try it. See for yourself and let me know the results.
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Using an Opinion Opener to Initiate a
Conversation
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 03/01/20089
Last night after the radio show Mike Stoute and I headed over to a local
pub for a couple beers. The radio show was quite stressful as there was a
shit load of technical difficulties with the transmitter… which messed the
phone lines up, and hence, instead of talking to our planned guest we
were forced to improvise. It left us feeling drained and just looking to
unwind. The both of us already had girls we were going to be meeting
later on, so our intentions were solely to chat a little and throw a few
beers back.
As some of you know, both Mike and I are recently single, and once
again experiencing some of the things that make dating such a pain in the
ass. Our conversation at the bar turned towards the girls we were going
to be meeting later on in the night. Both of us had been dating these girls
for a brief period of time and already beginning to experience the “what
is this?” or “where is this going?” or “what should I tell my friends we
are?” talk. The talk that takes the fun out of casual relationships.
Mike and I were telling each other various stories of time’s we’ve been in
the situation and how the different girls reacted. We were trying to come
up with the “right” way to answer the dreaded “what is this?” question.
Although the topic was somewhat serious, we began making a goof of it
by coming up with over the top comebacks to the question. “Well, Sally
now that you’ve asked… I thought we would spend a few weeks fucking,
you know, to keep my dick occupied until something better comes
along.” The goofing put us in a better mood and got us laughing a bit.
Keen to the fact that there were two fairly attractive girls standing next to
us sipping drinks, Mike casually turns to them and says “What's the best
way to respond to a girl when she asks ‘what is this’ and you’re not really
into her?” The girls were all too eager to jump in with their opinions. The
four of us quickly became immersed in conversation. Soon the question
became “what do you say when someone tells you ‘I love you’ during sex,
and you don’t feel the same way? This got the conversations even livelier
and more provocative. Soon the two girls were met by another female
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friend and instantly dragged her into the conversations, introducing us to
her as if we were long time acquaintances.
After getting a handful of text messages from the girls we were supposed
to be meeting later on, we decided to call it an evening and head home.
Although both of the girls we were talking to at the bar were attractive,
neither of them struck enough interest in Mike or me to ask for numbers.
So we said goodbye and left.
On the way home I got to thinking how smoothly the whole
conversation transpired. It reminded me of another time a few months
back when I used an opinion opener that lead to a one night stand. What
the two nights had in common, and what I believe made the openers
work so smoothly, was the fact that they were legitimate questions that
we wanted the answer to.
In the Houlihan’s story, Eddy and I were already engrossed in a
conversation that was entertaining us, so it was perfectly natural to invite
a couple girls into it- to share their opinions. Our energy was real and the
girl’s sensed it… which opened them up to take interest in our opinion
opener. The same thing happened last night with Mike. Mike and I were
legitimately curious to know what a girl wanted to hear from a guy when
she asks “what is this?” so the girls we asked were more than willing to
commit to the conversation.
I think that the biggest mistake guys make when it comes to fully
understand how to use an opinion opener is that they don’t realize that
they need to have some emotional involvement in the answer. If you’re
using canned openers, chances are you are using an opener that someone
else had emotional involvement in, and that is why it worked for them,
and not for you. When I use the phrase “emotional involvement” it
doesn’t mean you need to feel deeply and passionately about the topic,
but it does mean that you have to have some level of curiosity and
interest.
For instance, most people have heard of Neil Strauss’s “80’s pop duo”
opener. Neil Strauss found humor in naming dogs after an 80’s pop duo,
so when he asked that opener at the very least he was entertained by the
idea. Some people are out there using this same opener and weren’t even
born in the 80’s and could care less about 80’s pop duos. These people
have no emotional involvement in the opener and it will rarely work for
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them. If the notion of naming a couple pugs “Hall and Oates” doesn’t
make you laugh, how is it supposed to be entertaining to a girl you’re
imposing it on?
Joseph Mathews wrote one of my favorite books on opening called “The
Art of Approaching” but I think the biggest mistake others who buy that
book make is that they skip all the great theory and skill building and flip
right to the long collection of openers. There is nothing magic in an
opener that Mathews created, or Mystery created, or Style or Tyler
Durden or Mehow. Those are just openers that happened to work for
them. Just like I wrote about Mike’s “what's the best answer” opener, and
I’m sure I’ll read in some field report in a few weeks how someone used
that as their opener.
I think instead of focusing on what Mike said to initiate the conversation
last night you should focus on the way the night took place. Mike and I
went out to have some good conversation. We were discussing a topic
that interested and entertained us. When the point in the conversation
called for another opinion we casually turned to the girl’s next to us and
asked them a question. Our energy was good, our topic interesting, and
everything flowed from there.
Now you may not always be in the middle of a great conversation when
you want to approach a girl. If that’s the case, instead of using an opener
from someone else’s past great conversation, use one from your own. If a
couple nights ago you and a few friends were in a heated debate over
whether or not American Idol is rigged… then draw upon that
conversation for an opener. If you were talking about “who turns out
more successful the high school nerds or jocks” then use that as opener.
At least you had some emotional involvement in them at one point.
And I think if you’re genuinely curious about the answer than you won’t
hear that little nagging voice in the back of your head calling you a fraud
when you say “Do floss before brushing?”
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Being Comfortable Talking Dirty
Written by Michael Stoute
Original Published: 02/25/2008
Talking dirty to girls is something that I have struggled with for a long
time. It is only now that I feel “pretty” comfortable doing it, still with
some hesitancy. I am sure that this comes to some men pretty easily, but
it just didn’t to me.
There I was, enjoying some great sex when I hear “Tell me how you like
fu*king my pus*y”
Now don’t get me wrong, I did like fu*king her pus*y, yet I didn’t feel
compelled to actually say it to her? Then when I would say it, I felt like I
didn’t use a strong enough tone of voice and sounded weird. With all this
going on I actually start to lose wood…Great!
I couldn’t really understand why I was having this problem. I was
confident in all other areas of my game, yet when it came to this I was on
new ground. What I realized is that most of the problem had to do with
me dating a different breed of woman. A woman who may not be so
confident in life, but has ultimate confidence in the bedroom. Girls with
more sexual experience than me in some cases…
MAN UP
These women want someone to take control; hair pulling seems to be as
common a missionary these days. Spanking makes me think of booty’s,
not babies and giving girls mild titty twister’s (purple nurple) is coming
back.
The sexual culture is changing and you may be missing it. Women like
this don’t just tell you to pull their hair and spank them, you have to
know!
So how do you know?
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You have to build rapport and maintain Kino escalation to test the
waters. (Build comfort and get her comfortable with you touching her
and vice versa) Then move this forward veeeeerrrrrrryyy slowly.
Maybe start while you are talking and touch her arm, and leave it there
for like 5-10 seconds. NEVER GROPE! Keep it real calm and relaxed.
Later on lean in to talk to her and use touching her leg as an effect in
something you are saying. Example: You're telling some story about
something and you say. “Then he grabs me and …..” When you say
grabs me, grab her leg for a sec, at most until you finish your sentence,
then pull away and continue with your story.
Later on (if you are still being your cool guy self and are not being
creepy) you need to start looking for opportunities to make a comment
about her anatomy, I would go for the ass, one because it is the least
confrontational and two, because I love ass! With confidence say
something like, “You have a really nice looking ass, would you mind if I
gave it a little smack?” MAKE SURE YOU HAVE GREAT KINO
AND RAPPORT BEFORE ATTEMPTING A BOLD APPROACH
LIKE THIS; IT WORKS FOR ME...THAT’S ALL I CAN SAY.
Most girls just laugh, some let me smack it on the spot and others make
me work for it a little. Either way, it’s a great SOI (statement of intent)
that will for sure keep you out of the friend zone.
If it does work, you may have just found you next sex tigress!
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10 Ways a Girl Can Keep a Guy Like Me
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 03/09/2008
This is a list of what it takes for a girl to keep me interested. I think that
you'll find doing these same things will keep the girl interested as well.
We are all simply humans.
1. Confuse me. Nothing keeps me more interested than a girl I can’t
figure out. In the beginning I need to wonder what's going on. Once you
tell me I lose interest. Play with my head. Tell me you want a relationship,
but then never be available to hang out. Tell me you want your space, but
then call me late night and tell me how much you miss me. Spend three
nights having wild passionate sex with me, and then use the term
“friend” to describe me.
2. Be unpredictable. I want to sit around and wonder why you’re not
answering the phone. I want to wonder if you’re going to return my call
in a few hours, or a few days. After I spend a week waiting for our Friday
night date… I want you to call and say “something came up can we do it
another night?” Of course I don’t want you do this all the time, because
then it would become predictable. Do it just enough that I never know
what I’m in store for.
3. Flirt damn it. Too many girls, especially the hot ones, don’t find it
necessary to flirt. Big mistake. In the beginning you need to create sexual
tension. You have to do this through a mix of playful banter and
gradually increasing the amount of time your hands spend touching parts
of my body. I don’t want to talk about your job, your daddy issues, nor
am I impressed with how smart you are with your political views. I want
inside jokes, teasing, compliments, googly eyes, and at least one of your
hands in close proximity to my body. The point of a good date is the
continuing escalation of sexual tension.
4. Like my friends and get them to like you. I’m shallow and need the
complete approval of my friends before I would seriously consider
making you my girlfriend. I want to know that I will easily be able to
commingle you and my buddies. And I want my buddies talking about
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“how lucky Bobby is” behind my back. Make an honest attempt at
getting along with them. And make me believe that you’ll have no
problem with me continuing to hang out with them in the future. Seem
excited by the prospect of all of us doing something cool together like a
camping trip or ski weekend.
5. Offer to pay occasionally. I’m not cheap and would never accept
your money in the beginning, but damn it, don’t act like it's my obligation
to always pick up the check. Way too many girls do this and don’t realize
it is a real turn off to guys. And don’t just say “do you need some
money?” Make a sincere effort to pay. I won’t let you, but if you don’t
chances are I’ll be bitching to my friends about you. So will most other
guys.
6. Make me feel like I’m the best you’ve ever had in bed. You’re job
in the beginning isn’t to show me how experienced and adventurous in
bed you are… there is plenty of time to discover that later. No, your job
is to make me feel like I just fucked your brains out harder than any guy
you’ve had before. I know I’m not your first. But I want to believe that
I’ve opened up this new sexual side of you that never existed for your
other boyfriends. It was my magic dick that unleashed your hidden
whore.
7. Call me out on my bullshit. I’m going to feed you a lot of bullshit.
And I’m a horrible liar so you’ll probably see right through it. Call me out
on it. Challenge me. Laugh at my failed attempts at show boating. Point
out my short comings if I’m oblivious to them. Do not belittle me. Do
not try to make me feel small. But don’t be afraid to let me know I can’t
get one over on you. I want you to crack a few jokes on me, and bust my
balls from time to time.
8. Be genuinely interested in my goals. In college my goal was to fuck
as many girls as possible. I’ve achieved that goal, so now I’ve set higher
long term goals involving my career, my travel, and my hobbies. Other
than the playful banter I spoke about earlier, these are really the only
things I truly enjoy talking about. Sure, I’ll humor you and discuss your
friend Sally’s relationship with her boyfriend or your brother’s drug
problem… but what I really want to be talking about is my interests. So
you better make an attempt to become vaguely interested in them too.
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9. Hint at threesome. I’ll fall for it every time. Hint at an attraction to
other girls, or maybe an “incident in college” early in our relationship…
just enough to give me a glimmer of hope that one day I’ll find myself in
bed with you and one of your friends. I’ll hold onto that hope long past
the point where there seems to be any realistic chance of it happening.
10. Care about my well being more than I do. I can be a downright
mess at times. My house is sloppy, my car is a wreck, and my sink is
overflowing with dishes… I know this. I’m a busy guy. It's not your job
to harass me about these things. Just pick up a broom and give me a
hand. When you get a flat tire, I’ll fix it…When you need someone to
move a heavy piece of furniture, I’m there. So, when you notice that it's
been a long time since I’ve changed my sheets… throw them in a basket
and head to the laundry mat.
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Keeping Cool and Plowing On
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 03/11/2008
Every so often I hit that point where the time comes I need to get my ass
back in shape. I’m naturally lazy. But I am usually able to motivate
myself in small bursts... that allow me to keep decently fit. I slack during
the winter and then panic come spring when the scale starts tipping in
the wrong direction.
So I’ve began one of those small bursts of motivation. I’m reading the
bodybuilding forums, buying the supplements, and working out again.
Tonight at the gym I’m all amped up after downing a super sized Red
Bull. That adrenaline rush usually puts me in a talkative mood, so with
confidence sky high I turn to the girl on the elliptical trainer next to me
and say “that is a really nice color on you.”
She was wearing this pale blue shirt that really brought out her eyes.
The second after I say it I immediately have that twang of self doubt…
like ‘what the fuck did I just say?’ That feeling of doubt is only amplified
when she looks at me like I have three heads.
She says, “It's just my gym outfit.”
My mind is telling me it was a stupid inappropriate moronic way to start
a conversation. I want to crawl away.
Instead I take a deep breath and compose myself. You can’t lose on the
opener. Plow on.
“Never underestimate the power of a gym outfit,” I tell her. “See that
mirror,” I point at the mirror in front of us. “I read that it's a proven fact
that the better we perceive ourselves to look while we’re working out...
the more motivated we become and the harder we push ourselves.”
“Oh yea?” she says. Still giving me nothing to work with.
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I’m in the worst shape I’ve been in a couple years, wearing an old beat up
t-shirt, and gym pants with paint stains on them. I look like I just rolled
out of bed.
“For instance, I’m looking really good tonight. Really really good! And
I’m having a great workout!” I over exaggerate my motions on the
machine.
This finally gets the girl laughing and smiling.
The interaction ends on a positive note. I don’t go for a number or even
a name. I’ll see her again. And the next time I do will be one step closer
to rapport. That's the way I look at gym game. If you go to the gym the
same time every day, you’re going to see the same girls. The best
approach is to mingle with a bunch of them, and casually build attraction.
The point of this post is that many times you’ll initiate a conversation
and get dead air. It's easy to get nervous and go into deer in headlights
mode… instead compose yourself, take a deep breath and plow on.
Even naturals struggle with initiating conversations. But they’re
confident enough to keep going knowing that girls forgets your “opener”
a minute after you say it. It is everything afterward that counts.
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How to Talk to Younger Women
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 03/14/2008
Tonight I’m heading to hang out with a few college guys that I know.
These guys usually tend to be surrounded by hot college tail… so it got
me thinking about gaming these younger girls.
When I was in college I was a machine... plowing through women (until I
met the ex) but after college my skills trailed off in the same
environment.
I would head to a college bar or college party and get no response from
the girls I was trying to talk to. My game on girls out of college was
solid… but back in the old stomping ground I came across very AFC.
I realized it was the way I was hitting on these girls that was fucking it up
for me. I was talking to them in a way that was taking them out of the
moment. My topics of conversation usually involved questions like;
“How do you like living in the dorms?” and then I would go on and tell
them a story about my dorm life experience. Or I would try too hard to
fit in with the younger college guys to try to conceal my age. None of this
worked.
I realized a little later that what I was doing wrong was trying to approach
these girls in a rational way to spark interest. What I failed to realize is
how self obsessed younger girls tend to be. In the tight nit college
environment girls tend to be attention whores.
In Mark Redman’s excellent e-book Conquer Your Campus he talks
about how college girls crave the college experience. You need to keep
them in the moment if you want to score with them.
The best way to keep them in the moment is to talk about them. Not ask
them questions that make them dig for answers that take them into their
head… but instead to make declarative statements about them…
For instance, a line I’ve been using successfully when hanging around
college girls is to turn to one of them and say “You’re trouble… There’s
always one of you in the group…” and then smile.
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She’ll usually say “No... Not me… why do you think that?”
I’ll then usually go into some cold reading “You just have that energy
about you. A little mischievous.”
This gets the conversation centered in the moment… Me and her talking
about how she appears to me right now.
Then you can give her a nickname. I’ve even used something as simple as
“Trouble.”
If that dies down a bit I’ll keep the conversation ‘in the moment’ by
pointing at other people standing around us and begin making random
statements about them.
I’ll say something like “That guy over there is upset because he misses his
dog” and then I’ll go off the cuff with some humorous reason I observe
that. Very playful and fun…
The trick is to keep the interaction fun. Avoid talking about “what is your
major?”Or “Back when I was in college…” and don’t try to impress
them with the things that tend to impress older girls. A college girl
doesn’t care how good your job is, or how much money you make.
Chances are she’s fucking some guy that lives in a dirty frat house eating
Ramen noodles every night.
My four step plan:
1. Make a declarative statement about her.
2. Use a little cold reading to keep interest.
3. Assign her a nickname to establish rapport
4. Use the environment directly around you as a source of
humor
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Going Caveman on Women
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 04/02/2008
Neil Strauss brought the term “caveman” into popularity in his book The
Game. Strauss defines caveman as:
To directly and aggressively escalate psychical contact, and
progress toward sex, with a consenting woman; predicated on the
idea that early human beings did not use intelligence and words
but instinct and strength to mate.
I can safely say that putting this idea into action took my game to the
next level. I used to be very guilty of talking myself past a hookup. I
would rope the girl in with witty banter and create the attraction, but
then lose her by talking myself past the moment. It was like a disease for
me. Girl after girl in college I lost because of diarrhea of the mouth.
Then one day things got completely easier. Like life changing easier. And
that was when I began going caveman on women. The first time I did it
was on a blind date. A friend and his girl set me up with one of her
friends. At the end of the night I kissed her mid sentence. She started to
finish her sentence. I put my finger to her lips to shut her up and then
kissed her again. She was blown away.
I don’t know what provoked me to do that. In the past I was one of
those guys who always waited for the right moment. That night I created
it. And since then I’ve done it that way.
Why going caveman works
People, especially girls, have “make up my mind for me” syndrome. This
means they look for others to lead the way and let them know what they
are doing is alright. When you “go caveman” on a girl your bringing her
into your level of animal like attraction. You’re letting her feel
comfortable expressing her sexual side. When you eliminate words and
rational behavior, in turn you’re saying “it's okay to act a little irrational.”
We are all horny fucking creatures. We all have that side of us that wants
to get buck naked and lick each other’s privates… most of us are just
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trained not to act that way. When we meet someone that allows us to act
that way it is really liberating.
What would a caveman do?
When things are going well and you’re in a private place with a girl…
things can go one of two ways. At this point she is already attracted to
you so you can either further emotionally or intellectually stimulate her…
or you can sexually stimulate her. If you’re looking to further escalate the
encounter you need to ask yourself ‘what would a caveman do?’
Would he smell her hair?
Would he bite her neck?
Run his hands down her spine?
Once you go caveman you can’t go back
When you go into caveman mode it has to be for real. You can’t test it
and then back peddle. Going caveman means you stop talking and get
physical. (This does not mean take advantage of her or intrude if she says
stop) It means get her on your level. Unleash her hidden cavewomen.
When I kissed that girl mid sentence… she says “what was that” slightly
snotty. She was testing me. If I had apologized or went back to talking
things would have been weird… instead I put my finger to her mouth…
shut her up and then kissed her again… After that she spent the night.
Another night I went out with a group of friends. There was a girl Nancy
that was with us who I had been flirting with on and off for a month.
This was our first night hanging out though. Later that night, her and her
friends came back to my house for the after party. Instead of going into
conversation about some stupid topic I started teasing her by gently
pushing her away from me on the couch. She would push me back. Next
thing I know we’re wrestling on my living room floor. She pins me down,
and then I pin her down and kiss her. No words were said.
That is cave manning!!!
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5ever Show Emotion When She Walks Away
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 06/01/2008
I’m currently down in the DR scouting out villas for our upcoming
Mansformation Retreat, and noticed something last night at a bar that I
wanted to address. I will have more about the trip when I come back in a
couple days, but right now I wanted to talk about how you should
compose yourself when a girl you’re hitting on in a bar walks away.
At this Irish Pub I was at last night in Cabarete some standard AFC
scooped up a drunken blonde. She was pretty drunk and was really
anyone’s game. But luck had it that she chose him to do body shots with,
dance against, and stick her tongue down his throat.
You could tell by the way he had his arm wrapped tightly around her in a
“mine” sort of way that he was scared shitless of letting go in fear that his
miracle score would disappear.
Well, he had a right to be scared because a few minutes later the Irish
guitar player called a couple of the girls from her group up to the stage to
sing along with the chorus of “American Pie.”
Well, blonde California Hot never made it back to AFC. She was drunk
and kept getting side tracked chatting with everyone in the place, finally
settling on some other guy across the bar.
Here is where AFC blew it hard… and what I’m warning you against.
AFC stood there alone with a sour puss on his face repeatedly glancing at
her across the bar waiting for her to return. He basically stopped talking
to anyone around him and just sipped his drink looking miserable.
Now, do you think he’s making it tempting for her to return to him? Hell
no, he looked like a needy, depressed, whiny bitch…. and even if she had
originally wanted to return back to him, the way he carried himself after
she left sealed his fate for the worse.
Not only does it negatively affect you with the girl you’ve been working,
but it negatively affects you to every other girl in the place. If I noticed
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how miserable he looked, how many other people noticed the same
thing?
When a girl you’ve been hitting on leaves, whether it be to take a piss, say
hi to a friend, or fuck another dude in the bathroom… you best play it
extremely cool. Go back to talking with your friends, flirting with other
girls standing next to you, and just genuinely having a good time. Because
you can be sure that the girl will peak over at you and you want to give
her a reason to come back. You also want to keep her curiosity hooked
on whether or not she has you. By acting like a sad little puppy when she
leaves you’re killing your chance she’ll be back.
On the same note, if you’re talking to a hottie, and she leaves, don’t make
it obvious to everyone in the bar how happy you are to be talking to
her… I’ve seen guys giving each other hi fives like a bunch of middle
schoolers after scoring a number.
You’re safest bet is to engage yourself in conversation with the friends
you came with, or other people around you. Forget about her until she
comes back… and if she doesn’t come back, at least now you’ll be in a
position to tackle other girls. AFC last night blew his whole night after
losing one Hot.
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5 Tips for Lasting Longer in Bed
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 06/24/2008
Raise your hand if you’ve ever been a three pump chump.
I’d say pretty much everyone reading this (who’s had sex) has had the
misfortune of blowing their load a tad bit too early. It’s frustrating and
embarrassing no doubt. And it definitely won’t increase your chances of
sticking your wilie in the girl again…but there are ways to prevent it.
1. The most common way of trying to delay orgasm is to take your mind
out of the moment and focus on something completely non sexual… like
doing your laundry, a project at work, or your grandmother. This one can
work wonders, but it also has the disadvantage of taking you out of the
moment… As much as you want to stare down at her watching yourself
go inside and out, it will help your cause if you close your eyes and
daydream for a couple minutes.
2. If you feel yourself building up for an orgasm too quickly; pull out for
a couple minutes and switch to some foreplay. I’ve never met a girl who
bitched that you suddenly had the urge to eat her out. Use this time to let
the blood rush away from the head of your dick. Relax for a few minutes
and when you feel its safe… go back to work.
3. Use breathing patterns to prolong ejaculation. It's best to take slow
long breaths if you feel yourself getting too turned on. The slow breaths
will calm you down and let the urge to climax pass.
4. Switch positions to one your less likely to climax with. For me, I know
that I have trouble finishing when I’m doing a girl doggy style. Find out
what position you tend to have trouble finishing with and switch to that
position whenever you feel like you’re going to finish too early.
5. Squeeze the glands at the top of the penis. If you feel yourself about to
orgasm early you and your partner can squeeze the smooth, big head at
the top of the penis to delay it. Squeeze it firmly until the urge to orgasm
passes. Don’t wait too long to make the squeeze or you’ll wind up
splurging in your hand.
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I hope that these tips will help you from prematurely ejaculating.
Remember, you only get one chance to make a first impression.
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How to Get Better in Bed
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 06/30/2008
Some people will tell you that the secret to getting better in bed is
practice. Practice will get your sexual confidence up… but it won’t
necessarily get you better in bed. Other people say that improving your
stamina, lasting longer, or adding more foreplay will make you a better
lover. All of those things definitely won’t hurt you… But they still won’t
necessarily make you better in bed.
I’ve found there is only one secret for becoming a better lover. The
secret is to simply pay better attention to what is working and what isn’t
on a particular woman. The woman that you’re sleeping with will give
you all the clues you need… you just have to be ready to read them, and
be willing to make the adjustments.
The key line to this statement is that you have to pay attention to what
works on each and every particular woman you’re with. The reason this is
so important is because every woman enjoys being pleased differently.
Sure, the basics don’t change… but some girls like it hard and fast, others
slow and soft… some girls like massive foreplay… Others like their
clothes ripped right off. Some girls only cum on top… other girls get off
doggie.
The best lover is attentive and knows how to read the clues she’s giving
you. Sometimes she’ll verbally tell you what she likes… but most of the
time you’ll have to watch how her body reacts.
Recently I was quite frustrated with a girl I was dating because I couldn’t
get her off with oral sex. I’ve never had that problem before. The first
few times with this girl it was driving me crazy. I searched my repertoire
for all the things that worked on the previous girls… and she wasn’t
responding to any of them. Finally about a month in, I noticed that every
time my nose would press against her clit while going down on her, she
would tense up tremendously and push her pelvis out to make the
pressure of my nose greater. The minute I realized what she was reacting
to I went right along with it. Needless to say she went from being
indifferent to oral… to begging me for it.
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I’ve had many girls tell me that I’m the most amazing kisser they’ve ever
experienced. This is not because I have some special technique… it’s
because I adjust to their particular style of kissing. Everyone kisses
differently. Sure, you can try to change her style to match yours. But if
you want that first kiss to be memorable you’ll quickly note the actions of
her lips and tongue, and mimic them.
This goes for all areas of foreplay and sex. If you notice that a girl gets
super wet and turned on when you whisper dirty commands in her
ears… keep on doing it (but don’t overdo it and let it loose its affect.)
The fact is; most girls want to tell you what is working and what isn’t. But
they won’t tell you out of fear of hurting your feelings, fear of
embarrassment, or fear of killing the mood. What you have to realize is
that just because they’re not going to open up their mouth and say
“Bobby I really like when you stick a pinky in my ass, while groping my
right tit, and spreading my legs over my head…” doesn’t mean they
won’t be trying to telling you in every other conceivable way.
The most common things to look out for are the intensity of the grunts
and moans she is making. When she particularly fancies something you
can be sure she’ll let out an extra special moan in hopes you catch on.
You should also watch out for her body language. When she is enjoying
something she’ll usually tense up, push herself toward you, or pull you
closer. She’ll do everything possible to prevent you from suddenly
stopping or changing positions.
You also want to be paying attention to the psychological factors
influencing how turned on she is getting. Some girls are wildly turned on
by the idea of being caught. When I sense a girl has this fetish… I’ll make
sure I leave a door open, blinds up, or I begin the foreplay in any room
but the bedroom.
The key is to be extremely observant and act upon the giving stimulus.
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Having Trouble Getting Hard?
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 08/04/2008
This is a post I’ve been meaning to write for awhile, and I have to thank
my blogger friend Evil Woobie for pushing me to finally write it.
Have you ever found yourself with a girl, things are escalating towards
intimacy… and absolutely nothing is going on down there? Or you
manage to finally get an erection… only to quickly lose it as you attempt
to slide the condom on?
If you haven’t already experienced these situations… chances are you will
at some point in your life. I sure have.
I didn’t lose my virginity until my freshman year at college. Because of
this I felt apprehensive about hooking up with girls as I imagined them
all to be much more experienced than me. I still remember the first night
I brought a girl back to my dorm room. There was this exhilarating sense
of accomplishment, and at the same time, this paralyzing fear of
inadequacy.
I was surprisingly competent at making out, and unhooked her bra with
the skill of a pro… but something was noticeably wrong. I didn’t realize
exactly how wrong until she reached her hand down my pants. I was
completely limp. She fumbled around for a minute before I
embarrassingly brought her hand back up to my chest and continued
kissing her like nothing happened.
That night was the beginning of my journey on a long and bumpy road to
sexual competency.
I knew that physically there was nothing wrong with me… I mean, I was
jerking off twice a day… hard as a rock. But the minute I had a girl
willing to come back to my place… I would lose all feeling down there.
I wound up in a relationship with a girl from my math class. She was a
virgin too. We took it slow in the bedroom and soon I was functioning
full strength during make out sessions. We were having marathon
foreplay sessions where I would expand so big I felt I could burst…
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But then the night came when she decided she was ready to give me her
virginity. We went out to dinner, and then a movie. The entire time my
mind was racing with anxiety over how well I would perform at
something I’ve waited 18 years to attempt. When we finally got to my
place I was a nervous wreck. I managed to fondle myself in the bathroom
enough to get it up… but when she handed me a condom to place on my
boss… I fizzled away.
My next few attempts ended the same way. It wasn’t until one morning
when she climbed on top of me… slid me inside her and starting
bouncing up and down… that I finally was able to maintain an erection.
Of course, I never got around to putting a condom on.
For the rest of our relationship I never wore a condom because I saw it
as Kryptonite to my erection. My girlfriend went on the pill… so all was
well.
After we broke up I entered the hell of erectile dysfunction all over again.
By this time I was tearing it up with the girls on my campus. But I was
very rarely closing the deal with them. Mainly because I feared going for
the homerun… only to fail.
What I learned about my experience with limp dick
1. It most often happened in experiences where there was a built up
pressure involved. The more time I had to prepare for the sexual
encounter… the more anxiety I felt. And the more anxiety I felt… the
less chance I would get or maintain an erection.
2. I found it almost impossible to put on a condom without losing or at
least greatly diminishing my erection.
3. The less comfortable I was with the girl… the less chance of success in
the bedroom. This meant that if I could make it past the first few
mishaps with a girl… it would be smooth sailing from there on out.
4. Alcohol in small doses helped the problem. Alcohol in large doses
made me lose all sensitivity down there.
5. The girls I had the best sex with were the ones I felt no pressure to
perform well… i.e.) fat girls, girls I didn’t want to sleep, girls I wasn’t
supposed to sleep with.
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6. Herbal supplements don’t work. I took Yohimbe, Horny Goat Weed,
Ginseng, Man Power, and just about every other over the counter
supplement… and none of them made a damn difference.
How I Handled the Problem when it occurred
If I didn’t avoid sex completely with a girl… I would prolong it as long as
possible with massive amounts of foreplay. If there was still nothing
going on down there… I would eat her pussy and call it a night.
If a girl started to reach down there and I wasn’t hard, I would pull her
hand away and just pretend that I was teasing her to build anticipation.
Sometimes I would blame it on being “too drunk.” Other times I would
blame it on being “stressed out over finals”. Other times I would blame it
on “just getting out of a relationship.”
What I did know was that my sexual confidence was completely down
the toilet for awhile there.
Road to Recovery
The biggest break through that I had was one day opening up to my
friends about my problem. I was amazed to find that pretty much all of
them had experienced the problem before. Some of them were even
experiencing it as regularly as me. For the first time I felt there wasn’t just
something fundamentally wrong with me. That is my biggest inspiration
for writing the article; to let anyone going through this know… it isn’t
just you.
Once I was armed with the knowledge that other guys have gone through
this too… I became a lot less nervous about the situation.
The next biggest breakthrough came with using visualizations.
Visualizations are a powerful tool that can be used for achieving any
goal… but for me, overcoming erectile dysfunction was where I saw the
most distinct result.
I realized that much of the cause of the problem was me visualizing the
worst possible outcome. Whenever I was on a date with a girl I would
start letting the anxiety take over and imagining the pain and
embarrassment I would feel if I couldn’t get it up.
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I changed my internal visualizations. Whenever I started to feel anxiety
creep in… I would start imaging having the wildest hottest sex
imaginable with the girl. I would imagine myself hard as a rock jamming
her to the point of pain. I would hold the vision of this unbelievable sex
in mind and it was like a fortress blocking out the anxiety. Soon I found
that I was actually going home and having the sex I was imagining.
If for some reason I still lost my hard on I stopped beating myself up
over it. I would tell myself “it happens” and then begin looking forward
to my next opportunity to sleep with the girl.
The hardest obstacle to overcome was my aversion to condoms. Oddly
enough… with all the girls I slept with I never once had a girl force me
to wear a condom. I would attempt to wear them on occasion, but if I
felt myself shrinking… I would chuck it aside.
A few years after college I began dating this girl who refused to sleep
with me raw dog. My first time using a condom with her I managed, but
my performance was less than stellar as my penis was only barely hard.
An odd thing happened the next time we had sex. We had the most mind
blowing sex of my life. We honest to god, fucked for like four hours
straight. I was hard as a rock, but could not cum. I fucked her all over her
house. I made her come multiple times. When we finally finished she said
“that was by far the best sex of my life.” And I believed her, because it
was the best sex of my life too.
Since then my mind did a 180 degree turn in regards to condoms. I began
viewing them as a tool to last longer in bed. I’ve worn them consistently
since her and never once lost my erection putting one on.
Conclusion
It’s been many years since I’ve faced the embarrassment of an episode. I
don’t kid myself to believe it will never happen again. It’s part of being a
man.
If you’re going through the problem right now the best advice I can give
you is to stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. The mind
naturally attracts what we focus on the most. Instead change your focus
to the mind blowing sex you intend to have. Repeat the image of yourself
performing competently over and over in your mind.
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If the problem still arises don’t put too much emphasis on it. Look at it
like a stumbling block, and get back on the horse.
Do any of you have any tips for guys who might be facing this
problem?
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Wimps into Winners
Written by Ross Jeffries
Original Reprinted: 03/07/2007
Originally newsletter from: http://speedseduction.biz
There’s a common saying in street fighting that 95% of all real fights
wind up in a clinch and go to the ground. Could that really be true?
Frankly, I don’t know. But I will say this: 95% of the time, a woman will
test you by the second date, or sooner, to see:
1. If you’ll take her bullshit.
2. How hungry you are for her attention (remember: those who look
hungry, never get fed)
3. Just how much control she can exert over you and/or the relationship.
In this issue, I’d like to talk about how you can pass those tests, and how
to do some testing of your own. Believe me, this is important. If you’ve
ever been dumped for being “too nice”, or have been told, time and
again, “let’s just be friends”, it’s because you haven’t learned to recognize
when you’re being tested or just haven’t yet learned how to respond
properly. You thought you would get points for being “co-operative” a
“helpful”, and instead you just got the fuzzy end of the lollipop.
Why She Tests You: The Search for Strength and Certainty
Look: one of the primary things that women are looking for from a man
is security; the feeling that someone is stronger than they are. When you
put a woman in her place, when you set rules and boundaries for her to
follow, it lets her know she can relax around you and feel comfortable
and secure. This search for strength is the single most important reason
why she tests you. The other factor is ambivalence, or what I call the
“make up my mind for me” syndrome.
You see, the sad reality is that often a woman just isn’t that interested in
you one way or another. Maybe you aren’t exactly the physical type she
goes for, maybe she just got burned in a bad relationship, or there’s some
unseen competitor who she’s waiting to hear from. Whatever her
reasons, you can tell this is happening when you hear something like
“Uh…well, I’d like to go out with you Friday, but why don’t you call me
late Friday afternoon and I’ll let you know for sure?”
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Finally, there is the fact that sometimes, modern women just get
overwhelmed with eighty billion things they are trying to do at once.
And, when overwhelmed, they flake on commitments that occur during
the peak of the overwhelm.
How to Handle It…Dealing from a Position of Strength
To get back to street fighting analogies, there’s a concept from Jeet Kun
Do, the fighting style of the late, great Bruce Lee that basically says that
any weapon thrust your way, as part of an attack is just a convenient
target to be destroyed. Coming from this perspective, an attack, rather
than something to be feared, is just an unprecedented opportunity to…
KICK THE OTHER GUY’S ASS!!!!
Just so, a woman’s bullshit and tests are great opportunities to establish
respect and dramatically increase her interest in you. In other words, your
response to these tests, instead of being, “Oh no… why is she doing
this? What did I do wrong?” from now on will be…. AH, HAH! A
RESPECT OPPORTUNITY!!!
Look: your attitude has to be that every rude piece of behavior, every silly
test of hers is just an unprecedented opportunity for you to establish
respect, increase her interest, and intensify her desire to please you.
Taken from this perspective, you’ll be mentally prepared, and may even
find yourself actually looking forward to her trying to pull shit, since you
know it’s your chance to get her really hot for you!!!! Now, before we go
on to some specific scenarios, let me add one other thing: when you do
put her in her place. …
IT’S GOT TO COME FROM THE RIGHT PLACE IN YOU!!!
In other words, the macho idiot who loses control and trashes the place
when his girlfriend comes home ten minutes late is definitely not the
example to follow. All he’s doing is showing he can’t control himself and
he just earns the woman’s contempt. Notice I’m not saying you can’t or
shouldn’t get a little pissed. Just don’t go nuts with a stream of
obscenities. (Streams of obscenities are for afterwards, when you are in
bed
with her.)
The other thing that doesn’t work is acting like a hurt little boy. Whining
stuff like, “How could you do this to me?” or, “But you promised!”
won’t cut it, good buddy. No. You have to come from the calm, but firm
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“take it or leave it” position. This is all part of displaying the critically
important…
WILLINGNESS TO WALK AWAY FROM HER!!!
You see, after years of experience and study, I’ve come to the conclusion
that a woman can only experience real passion for you if on some level
she believes she could do something to lose you! Understand that when
you show this willingness to walk away, in
any area of your life, it conveys the message that you are the prize to be
pursued, that you are the person of value, and they had better take
advantage of the opportunity. This is an attitude that will move you
forward in any area that’s challenging you.
By way of contrast, if you show a non-stop, forever and ever devotion to
her, and put up with her crap and ambivalence, then where is that tension
of knowing she could lose you? Answer:
Nowhere! And that’s why you get nowhere when you put up with this
kind of stuff! If you’ve seen an initially hot relationship grow ice-cold,
this is one big reason!!! Ok. On to some scenarios.
Scenario one: You call to ask her out for the first time.
Her response is ambivalent, something like, “Well, I’d like to but, why
don’t you call me later in the week and….” Here’s your response: “Let
me ask you a question, point blank. Is going out with me something you
can take or leave or is it something that you’re smart enough that you
really want to do that?” Then shut the hell up and listen for her answer.
Now, what are you doing here? You’re calling her on her ambivalence
and letting her know you don’t have time to be put on hold. And you’re
also suggesting she’s stupid if she doesn’t grab this opportunity.
Finally, you’re embedding a command that she really does want to go out
with you. Will this work? Very often it does.
It’s not what she’s expecting, and that always gets attention. Just be as
matter of fact and non-hostile as you can.
Understatement works best with this one. What if she still hesitates?
Well, say this one: You: Look. You have my number, and I’m going to
leave it up to you. And you know, if you don’t call it’s going to be a loss
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for me, but maybe what you won’t realize until after you hang up is, that
it’ll be a loss for you as well. Ok? Bye.
Scenario Two: She calls and cancels at the last minute without offering to
do it again at some specific time. (I’ve heard every excuse in the book,
my friend, from “My parakeet is sick” to “I’ve got to shampoo the rug”.
Seriously)
Her: I can’t make it. I’ve got a rare tropical disease that’s causing me to
shrink by the hour.
You: (dead silence for as long as it takes for her to talk again. Just say
NOTHING!!!)
Her: Hello? Are you there? What’s wrong?
You: What’s wrong is I can’t believe the bullshit I’m hearing.
Her: What?????
You: Look…you made a commitment to spend time with me and now
you’re blowing me off. You’re disrespecting me and disrespecting my
time and I’m NOT going to put up with it. My rule is, if someone makes
a commitment to me, I expect them to keep it. If they can’t keep it, I
need to know at least a day in advance so I can make other plans. Got it?
If you can live with that rule, great…if not, sayonara!
Then, HANG UP!! Now, this may sound extreme, but man does it work
well!!! In fact, she’ll probably call back with five minutes and apologize
and ask you out!!! I’m not kidding here; I’ve seen the hardest, jaded
bitches go to giggly little girls, eager to please me when I’ve done this. It
throws some kind of switch in their heads. I guess with some people, you
don’t really get their attention until…
You Give Them A Swift Kick In The Ass!!
Please note I’m speaking of an attitude. I am NOT talking about or in
any way suggesting or condoning physical violence with a woman. In
fact, I am against the use or threat of the use of violence or force against
ANY human being, unless there is an imminent threat of violence against
yourself or a loved one. I can’t make this too clear. I’m talking about
using your mind, NOT your fists.
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Scenario Three: You go to pick her up at her place and she either keeps
you waiting outside for more than ten minutes, or lets you in and then
proceeds to talk on the phone for at least that long while totally ignoring
you. Wait for her to finish, and as soon as she does say something like
this:
YOU: Can I ask you a question?
HER: Sure.
YOU: Are you being intentionally rude to test me, or are you just
accidentally acting clueless?
HER: (mouth dropping open in shock, unable to say anything!)
YOU: Don’t ever keep me waiting like this again, ok? I’ll always treat you
respectfully, but I expect the same. Do you understand me?
HER: Uh…uh…yes.
The point is this: when women throw this stuff your way, you want to do
the unexpected. Don’t put up with it, like a “nice guy” and don’t lose
your temper like a jerk. Walk a middle ground of strength, self-control
AND self-respect, and these tests will become opportunities to power
her straight into your bed. And that certainly beats a poke in the eye,
doesn’t it?
‘Til next time,
Piece and peace,
Ross
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Ultimate MySpace Jealousy Tool
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 12/23/2007
Ok, I'm going to put a patented “sleazy” on this post. Even for Bobby
Rio this is sleazy. I’m glad I didn’t invent this, that honor would go to
one of my friends who’ll remain nameless.
I know that Dave M teaches about creating recon profiles in his Insider
Internet Dating course. My friend's tactic goes one step further. A recon
profile is a fake female profile you create to attract men… the point of
the profile is basically to see what your competition is writing to women
online. I and my nameless friend took this tactic a little further about a
year ago, and it's still paying off…
What we did was create a couple fake female profiles on MySpace. Then
what we did was leave comments from them on our real profiles.
Comments like “what a great time last night…” “Your party rocked…”
“I was so surprised how well endowed you are...” no just kidding about
that last one. But you get the point. Anything that would add some value
to our profile page.
Don’t think girls don’t read your comments. They do. Just like you read
the comments of a girl you’re interested in. This is a great way to create a
triangle, as they teach in the Art of Seduction.
I actually forgot about my fake comments until a girl I used to have a
thing for came back into my life. We got to talking and we were talking
about my Halloween party last year that she missed. I was pretty
bummed she missed it. So I left a comment from a fake chic telling me
how great of a time she had, what a great host I was, and a little joke
about a photo in my room. Anyway, the girl I was bummed missed the
party actually mentioned something like “I know you had fun that night!”
She said this because she read the comment and assumed I went home
with the girl… Actually I went home with a girl that night. But it wasn’t
my fake profile girl. But the point is; they pay attention and remember
shit like that. So if you want to create a good jealousy trap. Take
advantage of this tip. Just don’t tell too many people what you’re doing.
You’ll look like a real ass if you get caught.
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Aim Lower
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 08/15/2007
Just a quick thought… How come all of the virgin, no ass getting, at
home Friday night masturbating guys always seem to have really high
standards? These guys who have absolutely no experience with women
are waiting for the perfect 10 to come along.
C’mon guys. Is it a front you're putting up? Is it easier to say you’ve got
really high standards than it is to admit you have no game and are afraid
of girls?
I say this because I have a few buddies who are perpetually alone. And
when I try to set them up with a “not so hot” chick they act like I’m
crazy for suggesting it. Like they’re way too good for her. Fuck that!
Even Bobby Rio rolls with the fatties some time. You’ve read the story!
It’s all just practice for the big game. You don’t go from T-ball to the big
leagues without some time in the minors. Plus its fun… but don’t tell
anyone.
Haven’t you notice the guys who fuck the hottest chicks also fuck the
ugliest as well. I’m not saying you shouldn’t strive to fuck hotties. I’m just
saying that in the meantime get your feet wet with some piggy's. That
way when you do meet the perfect 10 you’re experienced enough sexually
not to blow your load in three minutes. When you get the perfect 10 in
bed, you best give her the fuck of the century.
Anyway, just today's thought. Aim lower.
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PUA Openers, Openers, Openers
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 08/29/2007
It seems that the topic of openers is all the rage lately. (Or hasn’t it
always been?) What are good openers? Will Mystery openers still work?
Are canned openers good?
Mike Stoute and I did a podcast about openers a few months ago, but I
feel that it's time to write on the subject again. And I want to hear some
comments and feedback to see what all of you think about the topic.
It seems that people love googling openers looking for the page of
perfect ones to use in bars/clubs/banks/hot dog stands/Wall Marts…. I
think that is why Neil Strauss's book became so famous. Because it gave
a lot of people a handbook of what to say to a girl to start a conversation.
Essentially, that is all an opener is. A conversation starter. So in reality
anything that you say to a girl is an opener. So what makes a good
opener?
The reason that openers Mystery uses or Style or any of the other canned
ones that have become popular over the years, are so good is because
they are non threatening, topical (mainly topics girls might be interested
in) and they are sometimes comedic, always light… meaning the topics
are never depressing, never political, never racial, never anything that can
be angrily argued about. Remember the topics at times are supposed to
cause arguments (who lies more… floss before or after… is kissing
cheating….) but the openers cause flirty type of arguments… not real
heated win or lose type arguments.
So are canned openers good? If it takes using a canned opener to get you
to have the confidence to open your mouth in front of a girl then by all
means use them. What I did when I was first starting out years ago was I
bought the book The Art of Approaching and basically took the 50 or so
openers he gives you in there and studied them. I looked for the reasons
that they work. I read about how to deliver them. I memorized the punch
lines... the hooks, the routines… but I never used them in the field. I
took everything I learned in the amazing book and constructed my own
“canned” openers. These were original openers that better matched my
unique personality. I used the outlines he gave and wrote openers that
actually interested me.
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For instance the question “Do you floss before or after brushing”
became my opener “That piece of meat in a wonton soup… what the
hell is it?”
The opener “Is kissing cheating?’ became “Would you let your fiancé go
to Thailand for his bachelor party?’
“You have a real confident way about you” became “You have a friendly
air about you; you must not be from New Jersey."
The jealous girl friend opener became “Would you be mad if your
boyfriend slept with Jennifer Anniston?”
This is how I got by in the beginning. I created a whole shit load of
openers that brought up topics I liked and started using them. As I used
them more and more I began to see a pattern of how girls reacted to
them. From there I started developing routines to lead into. Sometimes I
cheated and used a Mystery routine, (back then they weren’t so cliché)
but more and more I began making up the routines on the spot. By
reading books like Magic Bullets I was able to see how to construct a
routine. Once you know the purpose of a routine (demonstrating higher
value, disarming obstacles…) they became easy to make up. Yes,
sometimes I felt like a liar…(”it's not lying its flirting” lol) Sometimes I
would return to a bar a couple weeks later and have to remember some
story I made up and roll with it again. But usually these stories weren’t
lies… they were stories that happened to me. I just changed names,
dates, genders, to fit the mood of the moment.
I remember once, my friends and I had three different sets of girls
swarmed around us waiting for me to answer the burning question “will I
pussy out or will I go sky diving tomorrow?”
My friend opened the set my telling them to talk me out of being a pussy.
To tell me I will regret it. Tell me I only live once… blah blah… I ran
with it. I used my imagination and turned a true story about my backing
out of a skydiving trip… into this life or death moment of manhood
bullshit that the girls ate up. It's all about how you sell it. I told the
story… I had them imagining themselves in the plane. they were
imagining themselves pulling the cord, the wind, the impatient tandem
jump instructor yelling at me… these things made the story come alive…
these things got me LAID that night. These thing got one of my friends
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LAID that night… the other one (with the least game) got a number and
wound up fucking her three dates later. He still thanks me.
My point isn’t to brag. It's to tell you that openers aren't some magic
mysterious lines that are hidden away for a select few. They are merely
conversation starters. Once you know how to construct a good opener.
It's easy. It's fun. It actually makes you look forward to going out. Things
are even truer when you get to the point that you’re not using canned
ones. When you go out and the night really becomes an adventure, and
you’re going with the flow, and it's working…. Man, you can’t ask for a
better feeling!!!!!
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How to Calm Your Sexual 5eediness
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 09/19/2007
Too many guys jump into this seduction/PUA stuff swinging for the
fences. That's great, but if you’re a guy that's been sitting on the sidelines
for years you’re going to need a little experience in the bedroom before
you start fucking around with 9 and 10s. Remember “you only get one
chance to make a first impression.”
Back in the day me and my friends would call it “practicing for the big
game.” Every time we fucked a girl that was ugly or fat we would blow it
off to “practice.” And it works. The more comfortable and confident you
get in your sexual abilities the more natural it will be for you to act sexual
around women.
So what's the best way to do this? If you're less than experienced in the
bedroom I recommend going out and getting yourself a fuck buddy. I’m
talking about a plain Jane, maybe a chunker with a cute face, someone
with a little baggage… your goal here is not to fall in love. Your goal is
get comfortable being sexual. This means getting comfortable touching
girls, talking sexual to girls, escalating.
As much as your ego must hate the idea of slumming; do it. And don’t
feel bad about it. Your intention should be to give her as much sexual
pleasure as possible. Nothing more. You don’t need to promise her
flowers and diamonds. If you're fucking a girl right, she won’t ask for
those things. Use each other.
What's great about a fuck buddy is that because you’re getting laid a
couple nights a week you won’t be so needy and hungry when you're out
hunting. Women can smell neediness a mile away. They can look at you
and know if you “get laid.” And women want guys who get laid.
If you're wondering where to find these fuck buddies. They are all over.
They are at bars. They are on Match, or Adult Friendfinder. You
probably work with one of them.
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Are You the Man or Just the Fan?
Written by Justin B.
Original Published: 04/24/2008
Recently, I was doing a telephone Life Coaching session for a 19-year old
young man named Dan. I am used to young men coming to me for
confidence boosting and for improving their internal and external
relationship with the opposite sex. This young man, though, had an
additional problem that he and many others often need help with:
discerning a girl’s interest or lack of interest.
He had recently had a bad blow to his intuitive confidence in this area
when he had thought that a beautiful and single girl that went to his
health club was interested him. He claimed that “all the signals were
there.” She had been smiling at him and eagerly said hello to him every
time he came into the gym; they had good conversations and she seemed
receptive to and appreciative of his frequent compliments. He was sure
she was into him and even admitted to me that he started envisioning
how jealous his friends would be when he landed this hot babe.
He was to find out, though, when he asked her out for coffee, that she
was not into him. She expressed to him that she saw him as a “cool guy
and a friend.” Ouch. We all have heard some variation of this in our lives
and we know it is not an easy thing to hear. Like many of us, this incident
left Dan confused and filled with self-doubt about his women-reading
skills.
I explained to him that this was a frequent mistake I see in men: They
don’t know how to tell the difference between when a girl wants them or
their attention. They don’t understand how to tell, put into my own little
rhyme sequence, if she is looking at him as “the man or a fan.”
Let's get these fact straight fellas: Women love attention- just in case you
have not noticed. They spend exorbitant amounts of money on makeup,
gym memberships, plastic surgery, clothes, etc. to beautify themselves.
Especially to hotter girls that are used to getting the attention, this
attention becomes like a drug. Many women measure themselves based
on how many men hit on them or give them second glances. With this
fact in mind, it is very important to keep in mind that when you think
that a girl is into you, especially a very hot one; she may be really into the
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attention that you are showering her with. This does not mean that she
does not think that you are attractive or that there is no chance of
changing her interest, but you must learn to tell the difference if you
don’t want to waste your time and set yourself up for needless rejection.
So, by now you are probably wondering how you tell if you are “the man
or just a fan.”
Before I go into giving some very good and specific tips let me first issue
a disclaimer about anything cookie cutter when it comes to human
behavior. Psychology is not an exact science and a lot of the advice about
human behavior is true to the extent that it shows trends. This principle
will be interwoven in some of the pointers that I address.
Below are 2 general principles and tips for judging a girls interest or lack
of it. Pay careful attention as you read and do not read this hastily. There
are many more but these 2 seem reoccurring- not only my own
experience with women, but also from having women as Life Coaching
clients and friends.
1) Most of the time if a woman is truly attracted to you she is going to be
self-conscious around you. She is going to seem a little nervous and
cognizant of her behavior. Watch particularly if you think you look good
one day for her tugging at the bottom of her shirt by her stomach area:
This is usually a sign that she thinks you are attractive and wants to
measure up. If you are interested in the exact psychology behind this: in
short the stomach area is a part of a woman’s body that she is usually
very conscientious about. Watch also for her brushing her hair back
nervously.
There is an important principle to keep in mind when seeking to
understand women: Women actually like being nervous sometimes.
When we men go on a date we like to take pride in how calm, cool, and
collected we were and try to find ways not to feel and appear nervous.
Women, by contrast, often like to feel the “butterflies” in their stomach
and like to feel that they are “being kept on their toes.” It sounds crazy
but it is true.
If a woman seems not to care about the impression that she is making on
you then most likely you are “just a fan.” I don’t just mean a physical
impression either. I remember a few years back I was not sure if this very
attractive girl that I worked with was into me. There was a group of us
who ate lunch together in the building cafeteria that talked politics
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regularly and with a lot of zeal and passion. She ate with us but never said
much during these conversations, but did smile at me and listened when I
spoke. One day we were alone in the cafeteria and a news story came on
television about the war in Iraq. On this particular day she had a lot to
say and I looked at her quite impressed. She confessed in a cute way that
she had asked her friend who knew a lot about the war to fill her in
because she wanted to appear smart in front of me. Right then I knew
that I was not just “a fan” and I got her number. You guys get the point
by now: If a girl is not trying to overtly impress you, not a group of you,
nor really look like she really cares what you think and is a little nervous,
most likely you are unfortunately “just a fan.”
2) Is she asking you questions about yourself? Bottom line guys: If a girl
is not asking you questions about yourself most likely she is not into you.
If a girl is interested in you, she will want to know more about you and
will find a way to ask you. If she wants to know if you have a girlfriend
you don’t have to tell her- she probably will find a cute way of asking.
She will find ways to be closer to you and look for excuses to ask you
questions.
My friend Scott and I were in A&P a few weeks ago. We usually stop by
there after the gym and there was a hot chick working there behind the
courtesy desk that goes to our gym. Scott said that she had been smiling
at him a little in the gym but he was not sure if it was friendly or
personalized to him. They had exchanged pleasantries but the
conversations were always short because she was working out with
friends. He bought a 6-pack of soy yogurts and I told him to go ask her if
she could ring him up. I walked over with him and she saw his yogurts
and asked him if they were good- she had never tried them she said.
Then she asked him something that sealed the deal and left no room for
doubt. She noticed on his keychain that he had a key tag for PETCO.
She asked him if he had a dog and as he answered her questions, she
asked more questions. I walked away. Not surprisingly, he got her
number and was out with her that weekend.
To close, I want to tell a quick story. A few months ago I was on a
teleseminar conference call about addictions with one of America’s best
health experts, David Simon. A participant asked him about her habit of
drinking a large Starbucks coffee every day. “I am not sure if it is an
addiction…” she stated. He cut her off and said “If you are asking about
it, then it probably is an addiction.” She laughed and knew that it was
true. Using the same principle, if you are wondering and find yourself
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asking if a girl is into you, then, like the caller, the answer is probably
what you do not want to hear: that she is not into you, and you are
unfortunately a “fan” and not “the man.”
Thank you
Justin –
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The Hero the Bounty and the Purpose Driven
Life
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 02/24/2008
It was a very tame Saturday night for me. I’ve been hanging with this girl
for a couple weeks now and we decided to stay in last night, order
Chinese, down a bottle of Pinot, and watch the first season of Lost on
DVD. I have resisted watching Lost for years but at the insistence of my
brother and a couple friends I decided to give the show a shot. She had
never seen it either and was into the idea of starting the series from the
beginning.
I’d love to tell a story about how 30 minutes into the first episode we
were having animal sex on my kitchen table or how her friend showed up
and we had a mind blowing three way… but that just wasn’t the case.
The truth is we watched eight straight episodes of Lost and passed out
on the couch halfway through the ninth.
I could write a whole post about the show... but being the show is in its
fourth season and I’m at the beginning… my post would be old news for
most of you, and I’m sure you guys would wind up spoiling a lot of shit
for me.
The point of this post isn’t to talk about Lost... but to talk about
leadership. The show begins with a plane crash. Everyone is in panic,
confusion mode. Shit is upside down. No one has a clue what to do.
Until the main character, Jack, wakes up from his black out and
immediately takes on the roll of the leader.
Jack selflessly tries to help everyone on the island, takes charge, and has
all of the survivors looking up to him within an hour of the plane crash.
Sure it's a television show. But there are people out there just like Jack.
And just like Jack these guys get life’s bounty.
Women, money, success… but more importantly a sense of purpose.
People are fascinated with leaders. We are so fascinated with them
because very few of us have the intestinal fortitude to be one.
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Jack didn’t become a leader because he was the best politician on the
island. He didn’t get the girl because he sold her on his ideas through
long winded speeches and debates. He did it through purpose and action.
He obtained the respect of everyone on the island because while they
were standing around waiting to be saved… he was saving other people.
In a world so obsessed with “self help” I think we often neglect the fact
that the best form of “self help” is the selfless act of helping others. I
can’t speak for anyone but myself but there are times in my life that I feel
an overwhelming sense of being unfulfilled. And I’ve had more than I
ever dreamed I would. I’ve got more friends than I can count, slept with
more women than I care to admit, visited more countries than most
people could name, and generally lived on the edge and survived to tell
about it. I don’t have any regrets. Yet, watching Lost last night I still felt
as if I were missing something important.
I had been following a blog, Rooshv.com where he detailed his six
month trip across the continent of South America. And for the longest
time that was my dream. I followed his journey religiously, wishing badly
it was me trekking on a bus through the Peruvian Andes, having three
week flings with Chilean beauties. He’s back now and I recently posed a
question to him in a comment, something along the lines of “did you
find what you were looking for?” Because I’m starting to believe that
even the soul searching trip I felt destined to make…. still won’t be
enough.
I realize that part of the reason I wanted to take the trip was for some
form of escape. Some way to convince myself that I was free. To prove
to myself that I wasn’t wasting my life away in the rat race, waiting for my
slice of the cheese. I was going to take it. I was going to finally live.
But I’m not so sure escape is that easy. I’m not sure freedom is as simple
as throwing on a backpack, growing a beard, and waking up in strange
places with strange people. Because when it comes down to it, my
motives for the trip are still entirely selfish. And when you’re living
completely self centered, I think it is impossible to be free.
Many books talk about living on purpose. I recently wrote a list of 5
Must Have Self Help Books and that list included two books by Wayne
Dyer. Dyer has written many books about living on purpose. But even
with all the books that I’ve read on the subject, it took watching seven
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straight hours of Lost to make me finally understand what living on
purpose is all about.
Living on purpose means getting lost in the moment because there is
something greater than your personal desire that needs to be achieved.
That is why my South American trip would not have been the escape I
was looking for. I would still be stuck in my mind, comparing and
contrasting, analyzing, pursuing, judging, and rationalizing the trip’s every
minute. I would be waiting for something to happen that would make me
think “now I’m really living” but more than likely I would spend six
months waiting, and then wake up and decide it was time to go home.
Maybe it was the deliriousness of staring at a television screen until the
wee hours of the night, or realizing that the girl sitting next to me was
seeing something in Dr. Jack that she knew she would never see in me, or
maybe it was me seeing something in Dr. Jack that was inside of me
waiting to be released, but I woke up this morning feeling a little
different. A little lost.
So understanding that I will more than likely never be trapped on
deserted island and have to play the role of savior to a group of stranded
castaways, how can I experience a sense of purpose in my life? Take on
the role of leader? What kind of higher goal will transcend me to the next
level of living?
I think that my problem with the Dyer books I’ve read about purpose
driven life, or the previous movies such as Gandhi, or Braveheart is that I
always sort of believed you needed to be inspired by notions like ending
world hunger, peace in the Middle East, worldwide democracy, global
warming, curing cancer, or national independence. While these are all
noble causes, to date, none of them have swept me away in inspiration.
And because of that, I felt it was ‘beyond me’ to live selflessly. I figured
maybe I was doomed to a world of ego domination.
But I think many of us have been mislead to believe that to “be great”
you must do great things. Most of us will never have the opportunity to
deliver a speech like William Wallace gives in Braveheart or liberate a
nation through self sacrifice like Gandhi did, but does that mean we have
no choice but to view ourselves as less significant, less “great?”
I was at wake this afternoon. The father of my friend’s girlfriend passed
away and as I listened to the various eulogies, each speaker recollecting a
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particular time in their life when the deceased impacted their life for the
positive. One of the speakers quoted a line from "It’s a Wonderful Life"
saying “no man is a failure who has friends.” It's funny how when you’re
running on a few hours sleep, your heads a little messed up from too
many episodes of Lost, and you get swept away in the emotion of a wake,
how clearly something so elusive can suddenly appear.
Standing there in the funeral parlor I realized we all have the choice on a
daily basis to be great. We can be great friends, great role models, great
listeners, leaders, and heroes. We don’t need our plane to crash in the
South Pacific (if that's really where they are) to give us our moments to
shine.
A few of the speakers had given heartfelt thank you to my friend who
had stepped in to pull the family together as it became more and more
certain that his girlfriend’s dad was going to lose his battle with cancer.
He took days off from work, he had long intense conversations with the
dying man, and acted as a sense of strength for his girlfriend and her
mother when the two of them would continually break down. Everyone
in that room viewed my friend as a hero.
Everyday each one of us is presented with situations where we can be a
leader and a hero. It's not about waiting for that moment where you can
“look like a hero.” It's about deciding to be great this very minute. It's
about deciding that every action you take from here on out will serve a
greater purpose.
It's been said over and over again that those who live on purpose and
relinquish their personal wants and desires, are those who ultimately see
the most of life’s bounty.
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Integrity Makes a Man
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 02/14/2008
There is more to life than how much money you can make or how
many girls you can sleep with.
These are the artificial indicators of achievement in our society. Most of
us are not above striving for them. I included.
But the real depth of your character and what ultimately makes you a
man, is living within a set of core values and beliefs that you set for
yourself.
We addressed integrity in our “The Lost Art of Being a Man” podcast,
and how it relates to the way you interact with women. The reason
women have no respect for “nice guys” is because these nice guys often
lack integrity. Their lack of integrity stems from the fact that they hold
beautiful women to different standards then they hold the rest of the
world. The set of values they define for themselves gets pushed aside for
the opportunity to be with a beautiful woman.
But integrity goes further than your dealings with the opposite sex. It is
equally important in how you live your life. I am by no means a perfect
person. We have all most likely been a role where we’ve acted in a way
that is not congruent with our core set of values… but watching Roger
Clemens at the Congressional hearings yesterday reminded me of the
importance of living with integrity.
Roger Clemens was my favorite sports figure since 1986. I religiously
followed his career and collected his memorabilia. Even after I began to
lose interest in baseball I still made an attempt to keep track of his career.
It was to the point where my friends laughed because I changed favorite
teams every time he signed a new contract. I’m the only guy in NJ who
walked around in an Astros hat. Part of my fascination with him was
based on childhood nostalgia; the other part of it was that I was
completely impressed with the stories of his unparalleled will and
determination. I was envious of the motivation he possessed that got him
out of bed at 4:30 am every morning to work his body to peak
performance.
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That being said Roger Clemens choice to have himself injected with
steroids is something I could forgive him for. Human beings make
mistakes. Period. I relate it similarly to mistakes I’ve made where I’ve
cheated on girls that I loved. Something at that point in time (mainly my
dick) made me feel it was necessary to sleep with a woman outside of my
relationship. It's not something I’m proud of. But life is too short for
regrets so I move on. The same can be said for Roger Clemens use of
steroids. Something at that point of his life (mainly his fierce drive to be
the best) made him feel it was necessary to use performance enhancing
drugs. Shit happens. People fuck up.
But watching Clemens blatantly lying over and over again to save his
chances for the Hall and his endorsement deals, has left me with the
feeling that the man lacks a sense of integrity. While making a mistake is
human nature. Owning up to a mistake is what separates the men from
the boys.
I don’t think any of us are above lying. If you’ve ever used someone
else’s canned routine in the field… you’ve lied. If you’ve ever told a girl
you were going for a friend's luncheon but really had sex with an
Argentine prostitute in back alley brothel…. you’ve lied. There is a
certain shame in these types of lies. But most of us have defined our core
set of values to let these sorts of lies slip by. Once again, we are human
beings.
My definition of living with integrity means owning up to your mistakes.
Or doing everything in your power to correct them in the future. I’ve lied
to girls and cheated on them. But when I eventually got caught I laid all
of my cards on the table. I told them EXACTLY how I felt and why I
did it. It wasn’t always easy. It would have been easier to continue the lies
(as OJ showed us deny deny deny) but to me there is a difference
between situational lying and lying about something you’ve been accused
of.
If someone casually asks me how many girls I’ve slept with, I may lie as
to not appear a slut in that particular situation. It is my personal business
and I may not feel the need to be completely open. And if someone
casually asked Roger Clemens if he’s ever used steroids I would not
condemn him for lying in that situation. It is his personal business.
But if a girl claims to have slept with me, and I know full well that I did, I
will not deny it. Because when you deny something you’ve done against
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someone else’s word… you’re, in fact, calling them a liar. This is where
Roger Clemens has crossed the line of simply making a “human mistake”
and gone on to show an utter lack of integrity.
The problem with Clemens choice of action is that the only person he is
looking out for is himself. He is calling numerous people liars, using his
wife as a scapegoat, questioning his best friend’s story, and wasting the
time of a whole lot of people who would just like to move on from this
shit. In the face of adversity that Clemens is facing you always have two
choices: You can lie and manipulate and play the self serving “if I deny
long enough they’ll forget about it” card or you can own up to your
mistake. In essence; be a man and move forward.
In every situation in life you have these same two choices: You make
excuses, take the self serving route, blame everyone else… or you own
up your mistakes and BECOME A MAN.
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The Great Gatsby Complex
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 03/23/2008
I’ve always said you can learn more from certain novels about human
nature than you can from some of the most celebrated self help books. F.
Scott Fitzgerald’s famous novel The Great Gatsby serves to constantly
remind me about the art of letting go.
In the novel, the main character Jay Gatsby has one of the strongest
cases of “oneitis” I’ve ever seen. He is full throttle into “the sickness”
over an ex lover Daisy Buchanan. The two fall in love and date for awhile
before circumstance prevents the two from continuing their love affair.
Daisy goes on to marry someone else, and Gatsby spends the next five
years building an empire to impress her with his new wealth. He also
throws party after party in his mansion in hopes of her showing up
without the realization that it was her old lover throwing the party.
The reason that I decided to write about this is because the other night I
realized that I still suffer from what I call The Great Gatsby Complex.
The Great Gatsby Complex is an inward hope of meeting someone from
your past that drives you to make decisions in your present life. It is the
guy who is struggling through law school so that he can show up at his
high school reunion and impress a girl he had a crush on ten years ago…
it is the guy that is at the gym seven days a week building the perfect
body in hope that he runs into an old flame and she’s blown away by his
chiseled abs.
We all have those girls from our past that still haunt us. They are usually
not ex girlfriends, but instead they are usually girls that we have
unfinished business with… girls that “slipped away” or circumstance
prevented things from going further.
For me there are three that pop into my head:
Jackie- The whore. Jackie was a girl I worked with a few years back. We
clicked on many different levels… and we both were insanely attracted to
each other… but Jackie was “on the promiscuous side.” She fucked just
about every guy I knew. And discussed the details with me. That was part
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of our friendship… helping each other get laid. We avoided the
temptation of hooking up with each other for over a year… until one
night we couldn’t take it anymore and dragged each other into a
bathroom during a party and made out like our life depended on it. The
chemistry was so unbelievably hot... but there was one big problem.
Jackie was a known slut... and there was no way I could be caught dating
her. So after that night we went back to being friends... until we gradually
disappeared from each other’s lives.
Jaime- The 17 year old. I met Jaime at her older sister’s birthday party. I
had hooked up with her sister in the past and felt a little weird at the
party because her sister was there with her boyfriend (who she was with
when we had our fun) so to keep myself occupied I flirted with her
younger sister Jaime. Later that night Jaime came back to a friend's place
and we kept talking. Soon I found myself standing on his porch telling
her how cute she was… then we kissed. I tried to avoid her after (she
wasn’t exactly street legal) but a week later she called me up and asked
me to go down the shore with her and her friend. We got down the shore
and rented a hotel… her friend quickly disappeared and left us alone in
the room. Jaime was the most adorable girl I had ever seen and soon we
were laying on the bed making out… she’s telling me how we’re going to
get married… how much she likes me… and I’m enjoying it like I
haven’t with any girl in a long time… I resist having sex with her for
most of the night despite her constant begging... finally I give in. Later
I’m so confused over what I did that I never talk to her again.
Kryptonite- The soul mate. I’ve written about her before. She’s the
friend that after five years of unbearable sexual tension we explode
during a ski trip and spent a week in a hotel barely ever leaving the bed.
We were both in relationships at the time with other people, and when
the trip ends -so does our brief romance…and our friendship.
I mention these girls because they still haunt me. I don’t consider myself
as having oneitis over any one of them… but I do find myself hoping
that they’ll show up at the bar I’m at more often that I’d like to. I do
have fantasies of running into one of them and instantly rekindling the
old unfinished feelings.
What is so dangerous about The Great Gatsby Complex is that it can
begin to control your present moment. I’ve found myself suggesting
certain bars to my friends because of the slight chance one of these three
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might show up there. I’ve found myself constantly looking around
hoping to spot one of them…
Holding onto the past like this ruins the opportunities that are presented
to you in the present. Each of these three girls had a quality about them
that separated them from the hundreds of other girls I was with during
that time frame. I don’t deny that they hold a special place in my mind…
but holding on the past in this way can prevent you from meeting new
girls who may have similar qualities.
I think that the reason it's the girls that we have unfinished business with
that haunt us the most is because we only have the memories of the
intense attraction, chemistry, and connection. These feeling never got a
chance to mature so they are still burning strong… unlike ex girlfriends
who we went full circle with and our feeling had a chance to run their
course leaving us with both good and bad memories.
How to Rid Your Self of the Great Gatsby Complex
I think the first step in ridding yourself of the complex is the acceptance
of all things past for what they were. Any of the three girls I mentioned
could easily have been the love of my life… but they weren’t. They were
brief romances that ended prematurely. AND THAT'S ALL THEY
WERE.
The second step of ridding yourself of the complex is the expression of
gratitude. Each of these experiences made you the person you are today.
Each of the three girls I mentioned added excitement and adventure to
my life during the time I knew them. And I am thankful for that
opportunity.
The third step of ridding yourself of the complex is the act of
forgiveness. You have to forgive yourself for anything you did to
contribute to ruining the romance. I know some of my actions back then
weren’t stemming from my best self. I know I made mistakes that might
have cost me a chance at a great love affair… but what is done is done. It
is time to forgive yourself and move on.
The final step of ridding yourself of the complex is the expression of
faith. Part of the reason we hold onto these ghosts from our past is
because we don’t believe that we’ll meet anyone better. You have to
know that you have all the qualities and characteristics to meet and attract
an even more special girl. You have to have faith that she is out there…
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Once you develop a sense of faith that you’ve yet to meet your ideal
girl… the chains from your past are released and you begin to grow
excited for what you may find in your future.
If you are being held back by ghosts from your pasts I suggest following
the four step plan to rid yourself of the complex.
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Build it and They will Come
Written by Justin B.
Original Published: -4/03/2008
Build it and They Will Come by Justin B
In the very popular and successful 1989 movie Field of Dreams, starring
Kevin Costner and Ray Liotta, protagonist Ray Kinsella played by
Costner is told early in the movie by a mysterious voice “Build it and he
will come” as he walks through the cornfield on his large farm. After this,
Kinsella gets a very clear vision of a baseball field in his cornfield and
believes deep inside of himself that there is a connection between the
“build it” part of what he heard and the vision of the baseball field. His
wife is skeptical but tells him to follow his vision and build the field.
After several months, some of the deceased ballplayers from the shamed
1919 Chicago White Sox baseball team show up on his field and now he
more deeply understands the message that he chose to have faith in: to
“build it” and trust that they “will come.” If you have seen this excellent
movie you know it teaches many life lessons and has some great
underlying messages and themes to it. What I would like to focus on
today, though for our purposes is this key phrase “Build it and he will
come” and how it can be applied to your own life with women. For our
purposes, let us translate this phrase into “Build it and they will come.”
As a motivational Life Coach I often deal with men that tell me that they
have a difficult time attracting and dealing with quality women. I often
tell them that one of their main problems I see is that they are too
focused on getting women and not focused enough on building their
own life and their own self-confidence and self-esteem, which will easily
translate into attracting women. When you are being fulfilled in multiple
areas of your life, and you build your life up to a point where you feel
good about it and, as they say, “have your shit together”, women will
pick up on the very confident and responsible vibe you give off. I think
you all intuitively understand that what I am saying is that you have to
have a strong basis for your self-esteem outside of your success with
women and that, ironically, this will attract women.
Many men often note that men that seem to land a quantity of quality
women into their beds give off a vibe that they “don’t really care.” It is
not that they don’t really care; it is rather that they are so fulfilled and
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focused on the other parts of their lives that they don’t have a lot of time
to worry about how they are doing with women. Women pick up on
their vibe of independence and self-fulfillment and this is very attractiveboth emotionally and sexually- for women. A woman I was talking with
recently told me that it is very sexy for a guy to be very into his job, his
friends, his family, sports, etc. because she said that it expresses a sense
of confidence and fulfillment that he is strong and that he could “be
strong for her.” Remember that a personality trait that women often get
frustrated with about themselves is the fact that their self-esteem is too
much based on what the opposite sex thinks; the last thing that they want
is to be with a man that has the same issue. The men who have mastered
this principle have inadvertently taught themselves and us a valuable
lesson about the connection between their own lives and their success
with women: “Build it and they will come.” So how can you apply this
philosophy to your life and “build” your own life up to make room for
them to “come”? Here are some starting points although by now I am
sure you get the idea.
1) Find a cause, purpose, or career that you are passionate about.
If you can identify your core passions and pursue them you will find
yourself much more fulfilled in a holistic and overall way. Hopefully, this
is your career but if not find something that interests you, besides women
of course, and become passionate about it. Become charismatic and
excited about it. Men find themselves best when they are happy with
their work. Being this way will put your much more in touch with your
own masculine energy and will make you very appealing.
2) Lift weights.
I am not just saying this for the reason you might be thinking: that
women like muscles. When you lift weights you are going to be getting in
touch with and expressing your masculinity even outside of the gym.
While you release endorphins and build your emotional and physical
muscles, you will attract attention with your very masculine vibe.
3) Practice meditation or some form of relaxation
You may have never considered meditation or consider it something for
New Age weirdoes. You may even consider it something for women.
Learning to meditate, though, will build your self-confidence because you
will slowly get in touch with the negative thoughts that are holding back
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your success with women and other areas of your life. As you become
more content and build your self confidence at a deep level, they will
come in droves because you too “will not care.” Find a local meditation
class or buy a book or CD on meditation. I usually recommend to clients
anything by Steven Halpern or Deepak Chopra.
Do not get into the trap of doing these things solely to attract women.
See the value in them because you will feel better and therefore will not
need women to make you feel good about yourself. Then watch how as
you “build” your life, “they” will come.
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Why You Shouldn’t String Girls Along
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 04/29/2008
It was actually Ross Jeffries who originally coined the phrase “Leave
them better then you found them.” He was talking about the women that
come in and out of your life. As you get better with women, this phrase
will hold as much importance as anything you’ve been taught before.
I got involved in my first serious relationship my freshman year of
college. Like most young couples, naive to the reality of relationships, my
girlfriend Jillian and I rushed in full throttle, spending every waking hour
together, and had the names of our future babies already picked out. The
thrill of this relationship lasted about 6 months. By our ninth month
together I desperately wanted to be single again.
I was a naive boy at the time, and thought that by ending the relationship
with this girl I would break her heart into a million pieces - forever
ruining her for other men. The more I hinted that I was looking to end
the relationship the more she clung closer to me. I had no idea how to
break free from her.
So for the next six months I stayed in a relationship I was miserable in.
As time went by I became more and more resentful of Jillian. Soon the
resentment grew to anger. I became a completely different person. I was
bitter towards her. I criticized everything she did. I made her feel small
by talking about her insecurities. I barely paid attention when she spoke
to me. I denied most of her attempts at sexual activity. Little by little I
was ruining her.
I think my plan was to treat her so badly she would end it with me. And
finally she did. But the whole ordeal took a giant toll on the both of us.
She was a mess. I heard from friends that she actually had to go for
counseling. I wasn’t much better. I hated the person that I became. I was
no longer the charming man that won her over; I was now this bitter,
mean, non-sexual, asshole.
After this I avoided relationships altogether for awhile.
But later in life when I became better with women, and was dating more
and more women, I found myself falling back into this trap.
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I had been dating this girl Kate for like four months, and knew it wasn’t
going to go anywhere. But I was too lazy to end it, as our relationship
was very low maintenance. It was apparent to me that Kate thought
things were more serious than they were. Soon I became the same person
I was years earlier with Jillian. I was deliberately saying things that I knew
would make Kate feel insecure. I would openly stare at other girls. I
wouldn’t call Kate for days at a time. I avoided sex with her.
I hated the person I was once again becoming. Luckily for me, Kate
figured things out on her own and suddenly stopped calling me. She was
probably waiting for me to make the apology call, but I never did.
The repercussions of the way you treat a woman echoes throughout your
life. The way I felt as a person during those times with Jillian and Kate
was less than human. I felt like a soulless monster. My integrity was all
but drained, and my self esteem was shot. I no longer viewed myself as
the kind of guy who attracts women. I viewed myself as the kind of guy
women should stay away from.
Since Kate I have changed my ways. I have realized that it is much less
cruel to end a relationship than it is to stay involved with a girl you don’t
have feelings for. A few months after Kate I started dating a girl Nancy.
Nancy was a fun girl who I enjoyed fucking. A couple months into the
relationship I sensed Nancy was looking for more. We sat down and had
the talk. I explained that I didn’t want anything more than what we had.
She was a bit upset, but was appreciative that I was honest with her.
Nancy and I are still friends to this day, and have even fucked from time
to time.
I felt good about the way things ended with Nancy, and it carried over
into the rest of my life. I didn’t have that dark cloud surrounding me that
I had a few months earlier with Kate. The lesson I learned was that I was
much better off being honest with a girl about how I felt, than I was to
string a girl along. You can’t avoid the pain of a breakup… but by
delaying it you can make it much worse.
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The Anatomy of the Sickness
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 04/30/2008
Mike, Justin, and I coined the phrase “the sickness” back in college.
The “sickness” is like oneitis on steroids. Mack Tight referred to it as
when “guys become a needy pile of shit after they become obsessed over
a woman.”
We call it “the sickness” because once it infects you’re almost powerless
against its control. It corrupts your mind first, but then usually brings
about physical symptoms like nausea, vomiting, weight loss, depression,
insomnia. It happens to the best of us… and even though we most likely
know we’ve been infected, it is still near impossible to battle. Even as our
closest friends tell us to “move on” “play it cool” “forget about her”
their words go in one ear and out the other.
While the only cure for “the sickness” is time… I thought that if I wrote
a detailed description of how the sickness infects (using my last battle
with it as an example) you guys might be able to keep this as a guide to
compare against when you feel it coming on. Although I won’t pretend
that you’ll be able to rid yourself of your obsession, at the very least, you
may be able to avoid some of the classic mistakes that I made.
The Anatomy of the Sickness
After slowly falling for one of my female friends over the course of a
year, everything came to a boil on a ski trip. I knew in my head that it was
now or never time for making my move. Weeks before the ski trip I
began avoiding her before heading up to the mountain. I wanted to
create a fresh persona, and distance myself from the friend zone that I
had previously been regulated to.
The first night of the ski trip I made a dramatic change in the way I
interacted with her. I became more sexual, alluded to her attractiveness,
and got more touchy feely. Although initially she seemed a little taken
back, slowly she responded to my escalation. By the end of the night we
were lying on my bed making out. The next day she told me it was a
mistake and that she liked me too much as a friend to continue. But I
persisted again that night, and once again she wound up on my bed with
me making out. We spent the rest of the trip basically locked in my
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bedroom. To be completely honest, it was like nothing I had experienced
before. I don’t know if it was the sexual tension that had built up over
the last year, our strong connection as friends, or just my flat out physical
attraction to her, but I was in a state that I had never previously
experienced.
Although I left the week in the mountains feeling quite vulnerable, I was
fairly confident that she felt the same way. In fact, I would say my
confidence was sky high. I was on top of my game. I had just completed
my crowning achievement as a player.
The first couple nights back home went ok. The girl and I exchanged
evening text messages. I was in “play it cool” mode so I figured I would
wait a few days to call her. Friday afternoon I could hardly contain my
excitement to possibly spend time with her. While still at work I sent her
a text “I want to see you. Bad!” I expected an immediate response with
her echoing the sentiment. I waited and waited… but the response never
came.
I was still in “play it cool” mode so I decided to hit the bar with a couple
of my friends. My mind was on the girl a bit, but I wasn’t too worried as
she had a habit of flaking throughout our friendship. After the bar closed
I have an after party back at my house. Quite drunk at this point, I went
against my better instinct and called her. And when she didn’t answer I
left a message. I fell asleep that night with the phone in my hand, still
waiting for the call.
Saturday morning is when I went into panic mode. The realization that
she didn’t call set in. I began scanning my brain for reasons why she
would be blowing me off. I began asking the opinion of a few of my
friends. They all reassured me telling me “it's only been a day.” I would
momentarily feel better, and then remember our wonderful week
together in the mountains and get stuck in my mind trying to figure out
what went wrong.
Somewhere in between Saturday and Sunday I convinced myself the
reason that she’s avoiding me is because she doesn’t trust that I’m really
into her. It made sense in my mind. She knows I’m a player. I figured
that what I needed to do was to prove to her that I was really into her. So
I went against my better instinct and headed to the flower shop on
Monday morning. I bought the biggest baddest most expensive bouquet
of flowers they had, and had arranged for them to be delivered to her
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work Tuesday night… complete with a really embarrassing card basically
professing my love.
Monday night she calls me at one in the morning. My “wet friend” tells
me not to answer the phone and give her a taste of her own medicine…
but “dry friend” intervenes and I wind up talking her into coming over.
When she gets to my house she acts nonchalant about not calling… and I
forgive her immediately. We make out a little while… I eat her pussy...
then she leaves.
The next morning I debate whether or not to cancel the flowers. I decide
to still send them. Later in the night I get a call from her thanking me for
the flowers. I ask her to hang out but she says she’s tired and is just going
to sleep.
I wait till Friday to call her again. Once again… no answer. I proceed to
go out with a friend, get extremely drunk… and take home some 18 year
old hostess I worked with. But even a fresh young 18 year old couldn’t
deter me from the beginning of “the sickness.”
The next two months are a blur. They basically consist of me checking
my phone every three minutes to see if she called. The few times she
actually does call or text… I am too weak to play the game. For a minute
or two I tell myself I’m not going to call her back… but then I give in
and call. She keeps avoiding seeing me. I try to play it cool and act like I
don’t care. Then later in moments of weakness I send her text messages
asking “what's going on with us” and other shit I get nauseous thinking
about.
Finally two months later I get really drunk and show up at her work. She
is almost frightened to see me. I am plastered but somehow talk her into
heading out for a couple drinks with me. I’ve finally got her in front of
me after two months of playing phone tag… but it's nothing like I
imagined. In my mind… she was going to confess her love to me, tell me
how much she’s missed me… and wind up cuddled next to me on my
bed.
How the night ended- was me completely shit faced handing her a love
letter I wrote her… her taking the letter and leaving… never even calling
me to acknowledge it. As time went by I gave up hope of her calling.
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The mess that Bobby Rio had become was finally starting to put the
pieces of his life back together. He was dating a new girl… finally starting
to get over “the sickness.”
But I couldn’t leave well enough alone. I knew that there would be an
annual Christmas party at the place she worked. I had friends that still
worked there. So once again, I go out get completely shit faced and show
up at her work party with one of my friends.
The night started out pleasant enough… I spent time catching up with a
handful of old friends… chatting with her whenever the occasion would
allow. But as I got drunker the cool guy shell I had been putting on was
slowly cracking. I began asking her questions alluding to “the weekend
we spent together.” It was clear she didn’t want to talk about it.
Then I began noticing that she and one of her co-workers were awfully
close. I didn’t feel threatened because I knew the guy, and never would
imagine her to be into him… but as I got drunker it made more and
more sense. Everything was becoming crystal clear… (In my drunken
distorted mind) SHE WAS FUCKING THIS GUY.
So I did the only thing a drunken sick bastard could do… I followed him
into the bathroom and punched him square in his jaw. The next thing I
know we’re ushered out to the parking lot… We’re rolling on the
pavement pounding on each other’s skulls… sticking fingers in our eyes...
I think I may have even bit him.
Finally the rest of the party breaks up the fight… they put me in a cab
and send my sad sick drunk ass home.
Bobby Rio woke up the next morning at Rock Bottom.
I’m going to leave this story without commentary. It is simply meant to
show how the sickness can take hold of anyone. At that point in my life I
already knew everything there was too know. I was banging chicks left
and right... always the one with the control and calling the shots…
And I fell like a toy soldier.
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Living with Passion
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 05/19/2008
The first time I heard that phrase it was from an Anthony Robbins CD.
At the time, although I found it motivating, I didn’t truly grasp the
concept of living with passion.
At first I tried to artificially create a sense of passion in my life. I used
body language, physiology, and voice tonality to present a passionate
looking man to the world. And as Sebastian Drake talked about in our
recent interview with him, improving these things will create a sense of
“passive value” for you… and eventually you might even begin to feel a
bit more passionate in your day to day activities.
While improving areas of your non verbal communication may make you
look and feel like a more passionate person, and is an excellent place to
start… ultimately you still won’t be living with passion.
You may be asking; “what does living with passion have to do with
improving my skills at attracting women?”
My answer is; everything.
The greatest pickup artists in the world usually have a passion in their life
greater than seducing women.
For Mystery it is his love of magic and showmanship, for Neil Strauss it's
his love of journalism, for Cajun and Mehow its theatre, for Tyler
Durden its adventure, for Christian Hudson its entrepreneurship, for
Extramask its comedy…
What living with a higher passion does for each of these PUAs is it gives
them a reason to exist other than picking up women. It gives them
something to get excited about every morning. It gives them something
fascinating to talk to about. It gives them something to strive for,
something that gives meaning to their existence.
Six years ago I headed down to Buenos Aires, Argentina for a couple
weeks to visit a friend. That trip ignited a passion in me that burns
strongly to this day. Bobby Rio’s passion in life is traveling the world.
My desire to see the world is stronger than my desire for any girl or to
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make any amount of money. In fact, it defines a lot of my criteria for jobs
and relationships. I will never work a job that does not give me the
flexibility to travel often (2 weeks vacation a year won’t cut it) nor will I
date a girl who won’t just get up and go on a wild adventure with me.
How this relates to pickup and seduction
Since no one can ever take my love of travel away from me… I never
attach excess meaning to winning or losing with a particular girl. My
happiness is never defined by how many notches I’ve added to my belt. I
live with a willingness to walk away from any girl…
And like Life Coach Justin says in his Build it and they will Come article,
“this will help you have a strong basis for your self-esteem outside of
your success with women, and that, ironically, this will attract women.”
Discovering and cultivating your passion is an area that we are going to
discuss in much more detail during our Mansformation Weekend Retreat.
I think that the first step in cultivating your passion is to ask yourself, “If
money wasn’t an issue, what would I be doing with my life?”
Really taking time to think about this question will begin to give you a
deeper understanding into what internally drives you.
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7 Secrets for Getting out of a Slump
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 06/25/2008
Slumps are a part of human nature. We all go through them. Sometimes
we get in a financial slump where we just can’t get caught up on bills.
Other times we go through a dating slump (draught) where it seems like
we’ll never kiss a girl again. And other times we go through a health
slump where we seem to just entirely let ourselves go.
The most frustrating thing about slumps is that more you try to get out
of one; the further along you seem to fall into it. Effectively removing
yourself from a slump can be a struggle, but with the right motivation
you can get right back on track in no time.
Here are 7 Ways to Motivate You Out of a Slump
1. Start Small. One of the biggest obstacles people face in overcoming
slumps is they become intimidated by the task at hand. For instance, if
you’ve been single for a long time, the mere thought of the time and
energy involved in starting a relationship can scare the crap out of you.
This prevents people from making any effort at all to interact with new
people. Instead of focusing on building a relationship; focus on just
talking to a couple new people a day. If you’re dreading putting seven
days a week in at the gym- instead commit to taking one long walk
around your block every night. If you want to get your finances in order
don’t dwell on how you’re going to pay off that $15,000 credit card
debt… just focus on paying off $25 a month.
2. Use Small Successes to Build Momentum. Once you’ve started
small you should be able to develop a new routine. Now that you’ve been
talking to two new people a day for a week… challenge yourself a bit and
start flirting with those two new people. Once you’ve got in the habit of
taking a walk every night; do a few crunches when you get home from it.
Once you’re no longer missing the $25 a month… start saving $35. The
trick is to gradually build momentum based on small accomplishments.
3. Focus on One Goal. Many times the reasons we fall into slumps is
because we’ve so over whelmed by everything going on in our life that
we choose to negate it all. And then when we try to get back on track, we
can’t figure out where to even start. It is impossible to stay energized and
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focused on improving too many areas at once. It is much better to just
pick one goal that you are committed to achieving right away. If you’re
lonely, out of shape, and broke… pick the goal that you think will be the
best catalyst for improving the other areas later on. It’s quite possible that
you’ll find the mere habit of working out daily will motivate you to meet
more people and get your finances in order.
4. Get Inspired. If you’re piss poor and think it’s impossible to change
your situation read blogs and books from people who were in similar
financial states and gone on to make millions. If you’re not having luck
meeting a significant other, read the hundreds of stories of guys who
were 30 year old virgins who went on to date some of the most beautiful
women in the world. The point is you need to continually inspire yourself
and at the same time remind yourself that it is completely possible.
5. Carry your Goal Around With You. Write your goal on an index
card and put it in your pocket. Every day, everywhere you go, that goal
will be right beside you. When you find yourself losing focus or
motivation… pull out the index card and reread your goal. When you
read over your goal make sure you’re visualizing yourself as having
achieved it. Stare at it and visualize it for however long it takes to snap
you back into the right frame of mind.
6. Find some Good Wingmen and Avoid the Negative. It is pretty
hard to accomplish something completely on your own. I find its best to
let a few select people in on your planned outcome… and ask for their
help in achieving it. If you’re looking to get into better shape find a good
workout buddy. Find someone who will push you through the rough
times. If you’re goal is to get better talking to women; hang around guys
who have already improved that area. And ask for advice… Or hang out
with guys in the process of changing themselves as well. You really need
to avoid the people in your life who bring about a negative influence.
There are some people out there who just don’t like seeing other people
succeed. These are not the kind of people you want to associate yourself
with.
7. Realize Motivation Comes and Goes. You’re not always going to be
100% motivated. Motivation comes and goes. The trick is that when
you’re feeling that gust of motivation to ride it out as long as possible.
And when that gust dies down… to know that it will arrive again shortly.
In the time where you’re motivation is lacking, its best to spend that time
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reading up on your goals, revising your plan, and talking to your
wingmen. This will prevent you from falling back into the slump.
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Can You Control Your Emotions Like Arod?
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 06/30/2008
Inner game is not about succeeding every time.
In order to be as good a baseball player as Alex Rodriguez, I think we
would all agree he must have rock solid inner game.
Alex Rodriguez does not get a hit every time he goes up to the plate. In
fact, there are times the bases are loaded, the game is on the line… and
he strikes out. He does this in front of 50,000 people live, and millions of
people watching on television. He does this knowing that journalists
around the country are going to talk about it, and fans are going to
discuss it, and the manager, teammates, and owners are going to share
their opinion on it.
Can you imagine any more possible pressure?
My point is you’re not good or bad based on one experience. Or even a
collection of experiences. Alex Rodriguez is as good as he is because he is
able to learn to master his emotions. If every time he went up to the plate
he reminded himself how much pressure was on him… how would he
ever possibly hit the ball?
If every time he struck out or grounded into a double play he dwelled in
the emotion of frustration or disappointment… how would he ever
gather the courage to walk back up to the plate.
He is as good as he is because he is able to acknowledge the emotion of
disappointment or frustration. He then looks for the lesson that was
offered from the situation. Maybe he is swinging for fences instead of
just trying to make contact, maybe he took his eye off the ball for a split
second too long, or maybe the pitcher was just having a damn good day.
Once he realizes what action causes the frustration he can move on. He
can move on because he knows that in the past he’s overcome slumps.
So there is no reason he can’t overcome them in the future. Once he
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knows that he is certain of his ability to overcome it again, he goes and
works with the hitting coach to fix the flaw in his artillery.
Chances are you don’t face anywhere near the kind of pressure Arod
does. No one is paying attention to whether you’re striking out every
night, or scoring home runs.
This mean you can play the game and have as much fun with it as
possible.
You don’t face the wrath of millions of fans, an angry manager,
disappointed teammates, and pessimistic critics.
The only wraths you face are your emotions. If you learn to control
them… you’re on your way to inner game.
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Going Down in Flames
Written by Alex Strandberg
Original Published: 07/03/2008
We all care way too much what a complete stranger that knows nothing
about us thinks. Fear of rejection is the underlying emotion in most
approaches.
The thought of a beautiful woman sitting there and calling you a loser in
front of the entire club makes most guys stomachs turn in knots. Sort or
ironically, being rejected will bring the most success with women into
your life. Let me explain
Internally most guys think that they are complete lonely losers that no
one could love. They greatly fear that women will find this out and have
no desire for them. They learn all these cool lines and tricks but that fear
of being thought of as a loser by women and confirming their already
held beliefs is still strong. It carries so much weight that it cripples them
from being comfortable in interactions or EVEN APPROACHING
WOMEN.
They try their hardest to avoid getting “rejected” in order to avoid facing
their own belief system. They try their very best to do everything “right
"and LOOK COOL but by the very act of trying they are doing
everything wrong. From this they place way too much importance on
getting a good re-action from the girl and becoming very outcome
dependent and needy. If the interaction goes well they get a false sense of
self esteem from the girl and feel good. If it goes badly then that fear of
actually being a loser is triggered and they feel terrible.
When you are outcome dependent you become very attached to what the
girl thinks of you. This just breeds of insecurity and neediness which if
you hadn’t guessed is a HUGE TURN OFF for women. Women are
attracted to men who could take or leave any woman. Not caring
whether the woman comes, stays, lays or prays seems very counter
intuitive but it's what will get you the “best” results and lead to a happier
and more peaceful life.
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In addition to this fear of being rejected is a fear of the unknown. If you
are just starting out in approaching or have done a couple of approaches
the fear of the unknown is still lingering in the background.
This fear makes your mind race at a hundred miles per hour with a
million
Questions: “what if she pours a drink on me?” “What if she rejects me
and all the people in the club laugh at me and I am humiliated?” “What if
this happens?” “What if that happens?” And so on. The only way around
fear of the unknown is to go straight through it and become comfortable
with ambiguity of approaching and life.
When you get rejected badly and the initial sting wears down you will
find it hilarious how some girls will treat a complete stranger who was
just saying Hi to them and being friendly. Part of the reason why they felt
the need to reject you badly is how annoyed they are at being hit on all
day by guys who haven’t a clue. Another part of it is the pleasure they get
from rejecting guys. They love the feeling of having the power to control
another person's state of emotions through their own actions.
One of the biggest fears that guys carry around with them is a fear of
going back to who they were before they learned of the seduction
community or any self help stuff. They remember how they felt before
knowing any better, the loneliness, the feeling or being powerless and
useless in driving the direction of their own lives.
Guy’s develop a debilitating fear of being rejected because they fear that
they will go back to who they were in the past. As a result, they avoid
rejection at all costs.
My suggestion: Go out with the intention of getting rejected HARD.
Like any fear, the only way around it is to go through it. Getting rejected,
laughed at, drink thrown in face is NOT A BIG DEAL. It’s not a big
deal but you need to go through harsh and “embarrassing” rejection in
order to realize that it doesn’t matter what some anorexic club ho who
has NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE thinks of you.
Hypnotica walked around for two months unshowered, unshaven, in a
dress with a dildo strapped to his head in order to get over caring about
what other people think. This is a great thing to do but it’s not very
practical to people with jobs and obligations. Alternatively, you can go
out as many times as needed with the intention of getting rejected.
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Here are a couple of things you can do to go down in flames:
-Go up to a girl or a group of girls and ask them “hey, do you like salads?
I like croutons that come with salads” It’s a very stupid and ridiculous
question to ask to girls in a club but it will help you get over trying to
look cool and caring what they think of you.
-Go up to a girl and in a suave and cheesy way say “Daddy’s home” but
try not to crack up laughing before you deliver the line.
After you say these two things or make up your own, DON’T try and
recover and get the girl-just make the approach as bad as you can
possibly make it. You might feel uneasy and dumb saying these things
but those feelings will eventually go away.
Each time you get rejected badly you will get closer and closer to not
giving a shit what other people think about you and you will stop caring
about the outcome of the situation. Releasing attachment and concern
for other’s opinion of you will GREATLY improve your success with
women and all other areas of your life.
After a while you will actually begin to enjoy being rejected because of
how funny it will become to you. Your skin will be so thick that nothing
she does will be any concern of yours. It will no longer send you down a
spiral of depression and completely ruin your night.
I’m sort of sadistic in nature; I’m not sure what I enjoy more, being
rejected badly or getting the girl. I’m leaning towards to former because
getting the girl is enjoyable but getting rejected harshly in a hilarious way
is damn entertaining.
-Alex
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Bust Through Your Comfort Zone
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 08/08/2008
I´m sitting here at an outdoor internet cafe in Medellin, Colombia staring
at the beautiful city surrounded by mountains, and all I can think is ¨just
three years ago I used to shit myself at the thought of vacationing to
Colombia.¨
I would literally freeze up imagining myself alone in Colombia. I had
visions of corrupt police, rampant drug wars, kidnappings, violence, and
theft. Although I had visited Brazil and Argentina on several occasions,
Colombia was on a short list of places that I was too scared to venture.
Well, all it took was the persuasion of one hot Colombian girl, and here I
am. It's my third day here and I feel this incredible weight lifted off of my
shoulders. I have always prided myself in my sense of adventure... and I
cringed at the thought that there were places I was avoiding out of fear.
Well, I broke through my fear... only to find that they were completely
unwarranted.
Yes, completely unwarranted. Like most of our fears.
I´ve been giving a lot of thought about what contributes to that stealth
inner game that some guys seem to have. I´ve actually been building a list
of traits and actions we can make our own to slowly reach that
unstoppable confidence we all want.
And on that list is: THE DRIVE AND ABILITY TO BREAK
THROUGH OUR COMFORT ZONES
We all have comfort zones. We are comfortable with a certain group of
friends. We are comfortable at certain bars and clubs. We are
comfortable dating a certain scale of girls. We are comfortable
performing a certain type of job. We are comfortable making a certain
income...
But what I´ve come to realize is that the truly confident and successful
people rarely stay in their comfort zone long. Confident, successful
people are always looking to push and challenge themselves. They are
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always on the lookout for new opportunities that will inspire them to be
an even better person.
The main reason that most of us stay in our comfort zone is fear. Sure,
we will claim to really like hooking up with chubby girls. Or really love
that townie bar around the corner from our house.... but what we are
really saying is ¨We are not willing to take the risk to find out if
something better exists.¨
But the fact remains: Something better does exist. But we won´t ever
attain it if we aren´t willing to sacrifice comfort for a little while.
Here is my advice: Take Action
Make a list of people, places, and actions that are a part of your comfort
zone. Do you go to the same hair stylist because you love their haircut, or
are you afraid to try someone else? Do you find yourself heading to the
same bar? Buying the same polo t-shirts? Hitting on the same scale of
girls? Going for the same type of job? Make a list of everything that falls
within your comfort zone.
Once you´ve created a list of things that make up your comfort zone;
make another list. This is your Action List. On this list write down one
step you can take towards breaking out of your comfort zone. Write the
name of a bar you´ve always wanted to check out. Write the image
change you´ve been dying to make. Write down the job you´ve always
wanted to apply for.
Now look at that list. And do everything on it. You want unstoppable
inner game? Then do it. Do it.
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10 Ways to Immediately Make Yourself More
Attractive
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 04/06/2008
You want to see immediate results? You want to start getting more
phone numbers, more looks, more compliments? Then implement these
simple ten steps now and you’ll have more dates than you can handle.
Tip #1- Improve your Posture
Most people don’t realize the importance of posture. But it says more
about you than anything that comes out of your mouth. Bad posture can
make you look bored, depressed, or just plain homely.
Improving your posture starts with becoming aware of it. Just being
aware of excessive slouching will force you to take action right then.
Toning your muscles through exercise will also help enhance posture.
Place your head squarely on top of your neck, make sure your shoulders
are upright and your back is arched forward. This will make you appear
taller and more confident. Be sure to leave your arms relaxed and loose.
A great way to improve posture is to remain active throughout the day.
This will prevent your body from being molded the wrong way.
Tip #2- Smile
A smile can literally light up a room. A man or woman who walks around
flashing a smile will always be perceived to be more attractive. With a
healthy smile, we are able to transmit the emotions within our hearts. It is
very true that our smile reflects our mood, personality and even our inner
health. Smiling makes you seem warmer, more inviting, confident,
happy… but the best part is that a great smile can make someone else
feel all of these same emotions and attach them to you.
The best way to improve your smile is by practicing in front of a mirror.
Make sure that what you're intending as a smile isn’t coming off as a
smirk. Also pay attention to your teeth. Nice teeth are a cornerstone of a
good smile. If you’re teeth are yellow consider getting them whitened. It
is also important to stay on top of dentist visits.
Tip #3- Tanning
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Don’t misunderstand this tip as a call for you to turn yourself into an
orange oompa loompa. Orange skin is not attractive. But some healthy
looking color can benefit anyone, especially in the winter time when our
complexions tend to get pale.
I would generally recommend tanning a few times a month. I usually go
just enough to have color, but not so much that people can recognize
that I’ve been tanning. Tan skin makes you look thinner, healthier, and
tends to make your clothes look better against your skin. It also helps
hide imperfections in your complexion.
Tip #4- Be Flirtatious
Someone who knows how to flirt effectively will always attract more of
the opposite sex than someone who solely relies on their looks. Flirting is
an art form that if you can master you will be a few steps ahead of the
competition. Flirting is essential in creating sexual tension.
They key to flirting is achieving a sense of relaxed playfulness. Teasing is
a great way to flirt. As is competitive flirting which takes the form of
slight sarcasm and dry wit. Cooperative flirting is different. Rather than
jabbing her, you pull her into your reality and create an “us against the
world” dynamic. Flirting is a mix of pushing away with words and pulling
in with actions.
In the game of flirting think back to how you acted towards that
classmate you had a crush on in the fourth grade… and act the same
exact way.
Tip #5- Get an Expensive Haircut
The haircut needs to be great. It is very easy to go the cheap route when
it comes to getting your haircut and head to the local Supercuts. This
won’t cut it if your goal is to immediately make yourself more attractive.
The key here is going to a salon that has a great reputation. These salons
will usually cost you much more than your local barber… but it's worth
it.
Movie stars look like movie stars because they have the best that money
can by making them look that way. Even if it is only a one time deal you
deserve to get a “movie star” haircut. Stylists at these salons know how
to shape a haircut around your particular face, head size, and personal
style. There will be a huge difference. Even if you can’t afford to
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continually get your hair cut at these more expensive salons, at least you
can take some pictures of yourself and plaster your MySpace profile with
them!
Tip #6- Hang Around Attractive People
Humans look for short cuts when it comes to forming their own
opinions. It is much easier to let others guide us. We tend to look for
reasons that will support our reality. So if we see an average looking girl
hanging around a bunch of models we will tend to look for her better
qualities to justify her being there. The same can be said for an average
looking guy who walks into a bar with a beautiful woman… everyone in
the bar will look for his positive qualities to reason it.
On the other end if you’re an above average looking person but you hang
out with the local riff raft people will look for your negative qualities to
explain why you’re slumming. People like to make opinions quickly. And
one of the easiest ways to do this is to lump you in with the company you
keep. Therefore, the more attractive the company you keep, the more
attractive you will be perceived to be.
Tip #7- Stay Well Kept and Well Groomed
There are grooming tips that you can implement immediately that will
drastically increase your attractiveness. The first is getting rid of all
unwanted hair. This includes nose hair, ear hair, facial hair (especially if
you’re a girl), and inappropriate body hair. And pluck your eye brows.
Eliminating a unibrow alone can change the look of your face.
Others actions that you can take is cutting your nails, cleaning wax out of
your ears, controlling dandruff, acne, or other skin conditions.
Tip #8- Learn how to Dance
If you want to attract the attention of the opposite sex during a night on
the town you should consider learning how to dance. A good dancer is
immediately perceived to be more sexual, thus increasing their perceived
attraction.
If you are not a naturally good dancer I would recommend taking some
dance lessons. You can usually find dance lessons locally. The lessons are
usually available in group form and individual form. I would usually
recommend taking a few individual lessons before you jump into the
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group classes. It may cost a few dollars but you will be amazed to see
what kind of response you get next time you're asked out onto the dance
floor.
Tip #9- Add Accessories to your Wardrobe
If you take notice of most celebrities the one thing you’ll find in common
with all of them is that they all make use of accessories. Accessories are
items you can add to your outfit to give you some added flash.
Accessories include belts, earrings, watches, hats, bracelets, necklaces,
glasses, and scarves. Adding these things to an outfit shows that you put
thought into the way you look, and that you are confident in your ability
to pull off wearing these things.
Good use of accessories will make you more noticeable in a crowd.
There is a term called “peacocking” which means purposely dressing in a
way to draw attention to you. While you may not choose to go that
extreme, you should seriously consider added some flash to your look.
Tip #10- Smell Good
Smell is one of the brain’s strongest senses. It is the sense that provokes
the most intense emotions. And can spark animal like sexual attraction.
There is a theory that pheromones play a huge part in sexual attraction
and I would not argue with that at all. One thing is for certain, the better
you smell; the more attractive you will be appear to the opposite sex.
Although taste is subjective, the purchase of a good cologne or perfume
is a great investment. My recommendation is to sample a few different
brands and ask a member of the opposite sex to judge. Ideally you can
have several different men or women give you their opinions on which
one is the best. Once you purchase a fragrance make sure you put just
the right amount of it on. Too much of a good thing can be a turn off.
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3 Tips for Abs of Steel
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 06/19/2008
Abs are like a prized possession. They seem almost elusive at times. What
makes abs so desirable is that most people aren’t willing to put in the
effort it takes to get them. This makes people fascinated with them,
which in turn bring up the value of anyone who takes off their shirt to
display a six pack.
For me though, the periods in my life where I’ve had abs… have always
been more about the sense of personal accomplishment then about how
they looked…. although they looked SWEET!
Unfortunately I let myself go over the last year… and we all know that
while abs take awhile to build... they disappear in an instant.
Here are three tips that I’ve found helpful during the times in my life that
I’ve reached my desired outcome. These are no secrets… Because there
is no short cut. But sometimes it's good to remember how basic it can be
to get what we want… with the proper discipline.
1. Cardio, Cardio, and Cardio: You can do a million crunches a day…
but if you’ve got a solid layer of fat covering your abs you’ll never see
them. Everyone knows that the trick to getting rid of fat is cardio. What
people fail to realize is that the cardio needs to be intense. 20 minutes on
the treadmill while reading a magazine and chatting on the phone won’t
cut it.
Three to four sessions a week of intense jogging, running, the
Stairmaster, the elliptical, jumping rope, or biking should be enough to
get the process in gear. Swimming, hiking, and taking aerobics classes are
beneficial as well. Nothing beats jogging or running. It is the most
intense, efficient, and effective method of burning calories.
It will take a minimum of three to four days a week of intense cardio to
burn the amount of calories needed to shed fat around your gut.
2. Proper Nutrition: I think a problem many people have is that once
they start working out and burning calories they look at it as a free pass
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to pig out. I seriously know girls who finish their workouts and head to
Hagen Daz for a Sundae.
The whole point of spending all that time burning calories is to start
burning the excess fat. If you’re filling yourself up with shitty foods,
you’ll never get to the point where you’re body starts converting fat into
energy.
But it is important to get something in you. Not eating on time or at all is
almost as bad as eating too much. You should keep protein intake high
(approximately 50% of daily calories), carbs moderate (40%), and fats
minimal (10%).
Drink at least a gallon of clean water each day as well. It will help in
nutrient absorption and digestion and will help flush toxins from the
body.
Working out Your Abs: The biggest mistake that most people make
when trying to build abdominal muscle is that they do sets of crunches or
sit ups without any resistance. Would you work your biceps out with no
resistance? Or your chest?
Here’s an important key. If you want proper abs development, you need
to add resistance (weight) to your abs exercises. Abs are muscles just like
biceps, triceps, pecs, and glutes. You need resistance to properly
strengthen and build them. The same goes for abdominals.
The Five Best Abs Exercises
Weighted Crunches - Grab a dumbbell, either hold it in front of your
face, or let it lie on your upper chest, under your chin, and perform
regular crunches. You are now using your abs more to work against the
leverage the dumbbell has created. Stick with a heavy enough weight
where you can handle 10-15 reps, but no more. Remember, you need to
create enough resistance where your abs are forced to work.
Cable Rope Crunches - Grab the triceps rope; kneel on your knees, and
bend downwards, forcefully contracting your abs on the way down. It’s
basically a crunch; only, you are on your knees. But the contraction is the
same. Don’t swing with the hips, you are not using the abs very much if
you do. Just a slight, 30 degree contraction until you feel the abs contract,
hold for a couple seconds, then back up.
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Weighted Leg Raises - Lie flat on your back, with your hands tucked
under your butt. Wrap your feet around a small dumbbell, and perform
leg raises. Start with your feet about 6 inches from the ground, then raise
them about 12-16 inches from the ground and then back down slowly.
These can be done on the end of a bench as well.
Seated Abs Machine - Once again, do not swing all the way down, just
far enough (30 degrees) to fully contract the abs, hold for a couple
seconds, then back up. This is very similar to Cable rope crunches.
Stability Ball Crunches - Working on the stability ball will incorporate
balance into your abdominal work. They are effective at strengthening
your core region, which is your abs and lower back.
As you can see doing these exercises while adding some resistance will
build muscle much quicker and in larger gains. If at the same time you’re
eating healthy and burning calories you should be seeing results in a
couple months.
A couple months of intense workouts are a small price to pay for abs of
steel.
If you’re unsure of proper nutrition or just need a good plan to follow
Bodybuilding.com has a really great free personal trainer course that will
set you in the right direction.
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A Manly Guide to Choosing Your Drink
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 06/30/2008
There is a dirty rumor in the pick-up community claiming it is better to
stay sober when gaming women in bars and clubs. We can argue
semantics… but I’ll just say you’ll never see Bobby Rio clinging to a club
soda. Yea… you’re game tends to be a little tighter when you’re not red
faced, wobbly, and slurring your words… but you don’t have as much
fun, do you? I mean all of my most memorable nights have involved me
waking up, looking at the girl next to me and thinking, “what the hell
happened last night?”
So the real question isn’t should you or shouldn’t you drink when you hit
the bars… the real question is what kind of drink will best serve your
purpose.
Your drink always serves two purposes: to get you hammered, and to
make you look cool in the process.
You don’t think I actually enjoy the endless rounds of SoCo and lime
shots I guzzle down, or the unnecessary twelve packs I always grab for
the after party.
No, these are all part of the show. Shit I hate the taste of booze. If I
drank alone I’d probably be sipping Bay Breezes or some kind of Dairies,
maybe a Pina Coloda… but there are certain rules you need to follow in
social environments.
The rules bend a little depending on the location… but certain ones are
set in stone.
Never order anything they are going to serve you in a plastic cup.
You tend to find this atrocity at bars that are near college campuses.
These plastic cup drinks are usually reserved for the drink special of the
night. You know… the $1 Miller Light draft or the $3 Margarita.
These drinks not only taste like shit as they’re usually stale beer, or
bottom shelf tequila drowned in sour mix… but you look cheap drinking
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them. What does it say to everyone that you will sacrifice the enjoyment
of your drink to save a buck?
Hell, even if I planned on drinking Miller anyway, I would pay extra to
have them pour it in a pint glass.
Never order anything frozen or served in a novelty glass with a
funny straw… unless you’re sitting on a beach in the Caribbean.
You think this one would be self explanatory but I never fail to see some
schlep slurping on Mudslide wondering why he hasn’t been laid in a year.
Drinking one of the “vacation” drinks sends out the vibe that you don’t
get out often. In fact it says that your life sucks so bad that trolling
around this shitty bar is actually an “event” for you.
The only exception to this rule is ordering a Margarita at a Mexican joint.
Anything ordered on the rocks looks cool. Let’s face it. Rocks glasses
are cool. It doesn’t much matter what’s in the glass so long as it’s clear or
brown.
Remember clear or brown… I don’t care how much you liked the Big
Lebowski it’s never acceptable to order a White Russian.
The name of the drink is more important than what is inside it.
Because someone is going to hear you order it, or inevitably some girl
will ask you what you’re drinking, and you don’t want to have to respond
“Fuzzy Navel.”
Generally, anything with a novelty name like Alabama Slammer, Sex on
the Beach, Malibu Bay Breeze, Buttery Nipple, or Kamikaze is off limits.
And I don’t care how good you think it taste… you are never ever to
order a Cosmo. Never. Never.
A safe bet is to order something your grandfather would have
drank. There will be times when you freeze like a deer in headlights
when the bartender asks “what you drinking.” Your first reaction may be
to spit out “Michelob Ultra” but you need to regroup and imagine what
your grandfather would have ordered.
Back in his day, men were men, and they drank scotch on the rocks, rye
and coke, Manhattan, rusty nail… they didn’t ruin the integrity of their
vodka by splashing cranberry juice in it.
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So remember it is quite alright to get a little sauced when you hit the
bars… in fact I even encourage it. But you must look cool in the process.
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7 Steps to 5aturally Boost Testosterone
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 07/09/2008
There seems to be a huge fascination with guys taking steroids lately.
Obviously the major reason being that the increase in testosterone most
anabolic steroids produce causes extraordinary gains in muscle mass. In
addition to the gains in muscle mass many guys become addicted to the
adrenaline rush of having excess testosterone flowing through their veins.
To put it bluntly; Taking steroids is a coward’s way out that leads
nowhere fast. I’ve seen many of my friends succumb to the lure of
steroids. While they would tell themselves it was going to be only one
time… soon they became reliant on them and were doing cycle after
cycle.
Not only are steroids an expensive habit, the side effects can be brutal in
the short term… and deadly in the long term.
This is not to say that your body couldn’t benefit from extra testosterone.
Testosterone is the most important muscle building hormone in your
body, and even a slight increase in its level will provide many amazing
benefits.
Benefits of increased testosterone’
* Increase in strength and muscle size
* Body fat decrease
* Increased sex drive and endurance
* More energized and motivated
* Decrease in bad cholesterol
* Makes you more attractive to women
Increasing testosterone can be a huge benefit to you. Instead of cheating
and doing it the artificial way that will drain your wallet and health; I’m
going to give you tips to naturally increase your testosterone.
Here’s the biology behind testosterone:
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First, the brain releases a substance called Luteinizing Hormone, or “LH”
for short. LH basically “tells” the body to start producing testosterone.
Once this occurs, the adrenal glands release DHEA into the
bloodstream. LH and DHEA then travel together to the testes where
testosterone production begins. Testosterone can now be released into
the bloodstream to perform its magic.
1. Fill your work out with compound exercises. Exercises that put your
muscles under the most amount of stress will force your body to produce
more testosterone. These exercises include squats, dead lifts, bench
presses, dips, lunges, and military presses.
2. Push yourself 110% at the gym. True gains in muscle and testosterone
come when you push yourself to the limit at the gym.
3. Increase consumption of Essential Fatty Acids. The EFAs found in
peanuts, avocadoes, fish, olives, flaxseed, and canola are a proven natural
way to boost testosterone.
4. Reduce Estrogen levels. Reducing the levels of estrogen (the main
female hormone) will greatly increase your testosterone. You can reduce
estrogen by eating more cruciferous vegetables like broccoli, cauliflower,
cabbage, radishes, and turnips. You can also reduce estrogen by limiting
the amount of soy protein you take in. Soy has been known to raise
estrogen levels which decrease testosterone levels.
5. Limit Cortisol production. Cortisol is a catabolic hormone that will
cause testosterone to plummet. Cortisol is produced during times of high
stress or anxiety. It is also produced during times of lack of sleep.
6. Eliminate Binge Drinking. Excessive alcohol consumption can
drastically reduce testosterone levels. It is best to keep your drinking to a
minimum and try not to exceed more than three drinks in a night.
7. Have more sex. Sexual stimulation causes the body to increase the
production of oxytocin which increases endorphin production (the “feelgood” chemical), and this also raises testosterone.
If you follow these 7 steps you can avoid having to resort to sticking
needles in your ass a couple days a week.
These 7 steps will provide that natural boost in testosterone that will
leave you feeling more healthy, vibrant, sexual, and attractive.
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How to 5aturally Increase Energy Levels
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 07/16/2008
Last night I took my girl to the Bon Jovi concert at MSG. We got home
extremely late, and it took me another hour to wind down enough to
sleep. Needless to say, I was exhausted this morning. After struggling to
find the motivation to begin writing … I decided to hit 7-11 for my
second Red Bull of the day.
After guzzling the Red Bull and feeling that instant, but short lived, jolt
of energy I decided to do some research into how I can naturally increase
my energy level.
Energy is the fuel we all run on. Without it we are virtually useless. Think
about how much more you would accomplish in life if you had an
endless supply of energy.
5 Ways to Naturally Increase Your Energy
As easy as it seems to pop a Stacker 3, down a Red Bull, or hit Dunkin
Donuts for your fourth cup of coffee… these are all temporary fixes that
will leave you even more depleted in the long run. Everything listed
below will increase your energy level for the long term. You might not
get that instant gratification that a Red Bull will give you, but over time
you’ll slowly find you no longer need to flood your body with caffeine.
1. Nutrition.
Make sure you get enough fruits, vegetables, proteins and complex
carbohydrates in your everyday diet. Make sure you consume complex
carbohydrates and not just simple carbohydrates. Examples of simple
carbohydrates would be candy, soda, cake and table sugar. Simple
carbohydrates create a short burst of energy that will simply wear off and
leave you depressed. Don’t feed your body junk. You’ll simply get fat and
become lazier than before.
The carbs that you should be taking into your body should be complex
carbohydrates such as whole grain bread, whole grain rice or even apples.
Continuously feed your body small amounts of complex carbohydrates to
get the most out of your diet.
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In addition to proper diet you should be taking a multi vitamin every day.
Modern diets are usually void of many of the key vitamins and minerals
our bodies need. By taking a daily multi vitamin you can be sure you’ll be
getting the daily recommended amount of all of them.
If you live an exceptionally active life style you might want to supplement
with an additional B complex. The B vitamins act as coenzymes,
compounds that unite with a protein component called an apoenzyme to
form an active enzyme. The enzyme then acts as a catalyst in the
chemical reactions that transfer energy from the basic food elements to
the body.
Another great way to get bursts of nutrients that your body needs is by
using a juicer. I actually went through a period of about six months
where I had completely given up caffeine and replaced morning coffee
with a homemade juice. It gets messy and expensive, but it truly works
wonders for energy. I would advice picking up a decent juicer along with
a book on good juicing recipes.
2. Conditioning
Conditioning is your efficiency to move oxygen and blood to needed
parts of the body. It includes:
* Strengthening the muscles involved in respiration in order to better
move oxygen in and out of the lungs.
* Working the body’s muscles which support healthy circulation and
blood pressure.
* Increases the number of red blood cells in the body, to better
transport oxygen throughout the body.
Conditioning takes place through daily exercise. The fact is; most of us
don’t exercise nearly as much as we should be. Even if you hate the idea
of spending time in the gym, you can be taking a jog at the track, joining
in a game of basketball or ultimate Frisbee, or just taking a morning
power walk around the park.
3. Get the right amount of sleep
Everyone’s body is different, but on average we need about 7-8 hours of
sleep a night. What most people fail to realize is that even though you’ve
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been lying in your bed for 8 hours does not mean you got 8 hours of
solid sleep.
Using myself as an example, last night after lying in bed at about 1:00 am,
I tossed and turned, got up several times to use the bathroom, found
myself too hot, and then too cold, adjusting the pillow every 3 minutes…
before finally falling asleep at about 2:30.
You need to make sure that you are getting 8 hours of restorative sleep.
If you know you have a tendency to toss and turn for an hour before
finally falling asleep- lie down an hour earlier. If you find you have to
continually go to the bathroom throughout the night, limit your beverage
intake to two hours before bedtime.
If you still find that you’re having trouble getting a thorough night sleep
you might want to take some supplements that support sleep patterns
such as ZMA and Melatonin. Remember, I said supplements, not
sleeping pills.
You also want to avoid getting too much sleep. I find that when I stay in
bed an extra hour or two in the morning, I tend to be lifeless the rest of
the day. I would advise you to avoid sleeping more than the
recommended 8 hours.
4. Motivation
One of the surest ways to get you pumped full of energy is to get yourself
in a completely motivated state.
One of the ways that I’ve been doing that lately is by writing all of my
goals on index cards. I’ve taped the index cards to my computer, to my
bathroom mirror, and to my television. Everywhere I look from the
minute I wake up; I am forced to stare at my goals. There is no hiding
from them. Being forced to look at your goals forces you to think about
what you have to do to achieve them.
Knowing what your goals are is not always enough to motivate some of
us. Sometimes we need to be motivated by the promise of extreme
pleasure or the fear of extreme pain. A good way to stay motivated is to
create a picture album or collage of your goals. In this photo album or
collage paste pictures of things you’re striving for. These pictures can
include pictures of the car you want, the body you want, the girl you
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want, the career you want… Anything that will inspire you and get your
mind racing.
On the opposite side of that, you can post a picture of yourself with your
less than ideal body weight. If you’re trying to lose weight, take a picture
of yourself in a swim suit, and force yourself to see it daily. For some
people the pain of seeing themselves look less than desirable will
motivate them to get off their ass.
5. Anchoring
This is something that I’ve been using lately to great success. I have been
flooding my mind with motivational audio programs like Tony Robbins,
Jim Rohn, and Jack Canfield.
Every morning, the first thing I do is listen to one hour of one of these
speakers on my IPod. These speakers, especially Tony Robbins, do a
great job of pumping me up. I’ve found that since I’ve gotten used to
being pumped up in the morning from the audio… that now, even on
days I skip listening to the audio, I am naturally more energized in the
morning.
Music is another great way to create an anchor. If you listen to a certain
song continually during times you feel completely motivated… you’ll be
able to recreate that feeling just by hearing the song.
I’ve done this with working out. There are a couple songs I listen to over
and over again at the gym. I will make sure I play these songs while I’m
busting my butt on cardio as they always push me to go the extra mile.
What has been remarkable is that even away from the gym, when I hear
these songs I get that burst of motivation I usually feel on the treadmill.
If you follow these 5 tips you should be able to slowly wean yourself off
the Red Bull.
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How to Redo Your Wardrobe
Written by Michael Stoute
Original Published: 07/24/2008
This is a 3 part series I am writing about how to redo your wardrobe.
One of the biggest problems I see when I look at what guys wear, or
better yet their closet; is that there is little or no synergy with the entire
wardrobe. This makes things hard for a number of reasons.
•
They always wear (piece of clothing) because it goes with
everything
•
A majority of their wardrobe is the med to their personal interests
•
Most of the stuff is old and anything new was a onetime purchase
(event)
You Need Some Clarity
So you want to dress cool and be hip? It all starts with understanding
what you’re working with and getting rid of what you don’t wear. Yes,
this article is about how to throw away your clothes to get ready to redo
your wardrobe. There is a reason that you do this first and you will
understand by the next article in the series.
Organize by Type
Get all your clothes together, I mean all of them. Go down stairs or in
the attic and pull out everything you own for all seasons and events. Now
organize everything by type, not season.
A common problem is that men put things away because it’s “winter”
clothes and then forget about them over time. You have to manage your
wardrobe just like your food supply. When you’re running out of
something, replace it with more so you can stay style fat!
After you have everything organized; pants, shorts, shirts, t-shirts, shoes,
hats, jackets, sport coats, suits and underwear, never forget the
underwear…
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Throw it Out!
Go through each pile and start throwing out everything you don’t wear.
If you are looking at something and saying “but I have always had this”
or “this is my lucky t-shirt”, dump it or wash it and put it in a box
somewhere that you will bury as a time capsule for aliens to find in the
future.
The only way this will work is if you get rid of everything you don’t wear
so that you can see what you actively have to work with. Most people
only wear 15-25 different items on a regular basis yet everyone has a
closet full of crap.
What’s’ Left?
If you haven’t been clothes shopping too much lately then you are
probably left over with a relatively small amount of clothing. These are
your staple outfits that you currently wear.
Now I want you to either write down or take pictures (preferred) of what
you currently have and wear on a regular basis. If you take digital
pictures, then print them out on a cheap color printer so that you can just
cut them out like photos.
Homework
Study the remaining clothes or pictures of them and get ready for Part 2.
Part 2
If you read the previous post in this series “The Throw Away”, then you
have already gone through your entire wardrobe and thrown away what
you didn’t need following the process I outlined. You have also looked at
all the remaining items and studied them, either with photos, pen and
paper or in your head
Now it’s time to move into the second phase.
Mix and Match
I want you to go through all your remaining clothes and see what actually
goes together. Let’s start with colors first. If you don’t wear too many
colors (like most men) this will not be hard and may not even be
necessary.
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Look at what you currently have and see what your outfit possibilities
are. Try to make 5 different outfits out of what you have. If you used any
of the clothing items in more than one outfit, then this is a clue where
the weakest part of your wardrobe lies.
The reason I wanted you to make 5 different outfits is because you want
to be able to “recycle” what you wear every week so that you are not
wearing the same thing every day and for laundry reasons as well. The
ideal set of different outfits is 10 in my opinion. This way you can wear
something different for 10 days and do laundry every 5 days, always
leaving you with clean clothes!
(+ $250)
Now that you have thrown away unused clothes and picked out some
outfits with the remaining, it’s time to put on the finishing touch on your
new wardrobe. The reason this part requires money is simple, clothes
cost money and you will always have to invest money into your wardrobe
to keep it updated. $250 is a fair amount for a man to spend on his
wardrobe in one day, but just think of it as a kick start to your new
image. Your initial investment…
Take some of your hard earned money and get ready to shop, but before
you go I want you to remember the 5 outfits that you are working with
already and/or take pictures of them with you. Think about the weaker
points of your wardrobe and what you need most.
Men can typically wear the same or similar jeans over and over without
any problem so my guess is that you probably are going to take a bulk of
this money and spend it on tops. If you don’t have any decent jeans, I
suggest going to the GAP and buying 2 nice pairs of boot cut jeans to
add to your current wardrobe. The jeans should run you about $50$75…
Shirts and Tops
To start things off you want to pick up 3-4 new shirts/sweaters or some
kind of top. I would say go to Marshalls or some other “Yesterdays
Fashion” outlet and look through the clearance racks. I rarely buy things
full price and I always visit the clearance section of every store I go to
first. You should be able to find 3-4 or more nice things for around $75$100.
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Clothes Shopping is like Food Shopping
Remember while shopping at the store to keep your current wardrobe
inventory in mind. If you are looking at a cool shirt, take a step back and
think of how many other things you own and how this shirt can be
meshed in with your current clothing arsenal. Don’t buy that crazy shirt
because you will wear it once every 3 weeks and feel like a pimp; buy the
nice button down shirt because is not so flashy and will blend well with
your other outfits therefore allowing you to wear it 2-3 times over a 3
weeks period.
I like to compare clothes shopping to food shopping because when you
go food-shopping you are always thinking of ways to maximize what you
currently have in your fridge and cabinets. Same thing with clothes
shopping except you are constantly looking for things that will add to
and extend your existing wardrobe.
Shoes and Sneakers
With the reaming money I would like you to buy a new pair of sneakers
or shoes, whatever fits your current lifestyle better. Stay away from the
high end brands for now unless you can afford them of course. For
sneakers, I would recommend something in the Converse, Adidas, or
Puma family. They tend to stay in style through all of the different
fashion cycles.
Shoes are a different story.
Before buying a pair of shoes I would look through your closet for any
old shoes you may have forgotten about. You might find a pair or two of
decent leather shoes that you can just take to the shoe shop and get
shined and fixed up. Shoes that are made well will last and if they fall
apart can usually be fixed. So check out what you already have before
spending a lot of money.
If you have to buy a new pair I would suggest trying on a lot of different
kinds with a pair of jeans on to see which ones look and feel the best.
Comfort is so important with shoes and I urge you to make sure they are
comfortable or you will never end up wearing them. Take your time and
pick out a nice pair of shoes that are not too flashy so that you can wear
them with almost anything.
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And always remember to keep in mind what you already have including
what you buy during this process. Constantly be buying things that will fit
in with what you already have. If you follow this method when buying
clothes you will have more outfits than you can think of as time goes on.
There is a time and a place to add a “peacock” aspect to it and I will
explain how in the final part of the series.
Part 3
This is the 3rd and final installment of the How to Redo Your Wardrobe
series. In the previous two articles we systematically removed clothes you
no longer wear and then preceded with a plan to kick start your new
wardrobe with a small amount of money. In this part of the series, I will
talk about how to constantly increase your wardrobe at a moderate pace
so you don’t go broke and how to “peacock” (stand out) with items no
matter what your age or profession.
Systems and Schedules
The easiest way to keep a nice wardrobe going is to build it in baby steps,
adding new items one at a time. Most men will go shopping for clothes
every once in a while and just buy a few things that look good, then they
typically go home and realize that these new items don’t fit in to well
with their current wardrobe and get frustrated. You have to keep that
food shopping mentality I talked about in the previous article of the
series.
When you are out shopping, keep mental notes of what you already have
in your closet. Just because an item of clothing is nice and looks good in
the store isn’t enough to buy it. It has to mesh well with what you already
have for you to get the most value out if it. As your wardrobe gets bigger
you will be able to throw in more “loud” items, but in the beginning keep
thinks basic using solid colors and common styles.
Let’s say you are willing to spend $100 a month to finance your wardrobe
(which is not a lot). With this $100 I would be looking to buy 3 to 4 new
items a month. This means you have to go shopping 3-4 times a month.
Split up the money so you spend around $25 a week on say a new shirt or
pair of pants. You can up the monthly allowance if you like, but I would
still suggest only buying 1-2 items at a time.
“Pea cocking” without looking like an idiot
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Pea cocking is a term that has become associated with men adding
certain items to their wardrobe to stand out. The problem with this
concept is that everyone is different and therefore has to “peacock” in a
different way. I feel most of the problem centers around age difference
and profession and I will illustrate how you can “peacock” no matter
who or where you are in life.
Age 17-21
This is the age range where you are probably all over the place with
finding yourself and an image. You may be wearing a lot of different
styles, stuck in one style because if the people you hang with or just lost
altogether and are still wearing the clothes your parents bought you for
birthdays.
Wherever you are in this phase it doesn’t matter. This is the time where
you are going to be experimenting with a lot of things in life so why not
your wardrobe too. Styles with young adults change so quickly that I
suggest keeping things simple and looking for some trendy items. You
don’t want to be the person wearing all the different trends because you
will look like you are trying too hard. On the other hand, you have to go
with the trend at times to “peacock” and demonstrate that you know
what’s up…
When you buy trendy items, make sure that they can fit in with what you
currently have and aren’t so crazy that when they fade out, you can’t even
wear it anymore. Great examples of this were certain brands and t-shits
when I was young. BUM Equipment was huge when I was in HS and
that sh*t is UGLY! Then there were those heat activated fabrics that
changed colors when you touched it, great for Kino now that I think of
it, but still ugly as sh*t. If you are constantly buying this trendy crap then
soon you will have a wardrobe like a clown, if you don’t already... he he
What I am basically saying is that as a young person with no job, the
playing field is open to almost anything in the style department. Just
remember that “staple” items are needed no matter what. Have plenty of
solid shirts and pants that you can use when wearing your “trendy”
item(s). Having these “staple” items will allow you to evolve with the
trends while maintaining a nice foundation for your entire wardrobe.
As for the young professionals out there, I will break this down in 2
separate categories.
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Age 21-30 Professional
You are the type of guy that has a nice job where you have to dress in a
suit, jacket and tie or at a minimum, shirt and tie. I actually think this is
the easiest one to “peacock” out of all the following sections due to the
fact you will probably be wearing more clothes in general. I am also going
to assume that you have some cash in your pocket to go out and
accessorize with. If you are working a job where you have a dress code
like this and make crappy money, you may want to reevaluate your alpha
male goals.
Ties - The tie is one of my favorite items to peacock in the professional
look. Most men don’t realize how versatile the tie can really be…For
instance; there are 3 or more distinct ways to tie the knot. I always go
with a Double Windsor and so should you! It is by far the hardest knot to
tie, but it looks so sweet when done right. It gives you that full knot that
you see in the men’s fashion ads. I have yet to see a better knot that has
more girth. He he…
When picking out ties for patterns and colors I tend to stay with solids
and thick stripes. If you are a tie freak and own a bunch of wacky designs
and stuff then you may want to pick up a few nice silk solids to balance
you out.
I want to take a quick moment to mention that when having to wear a tie
every day, your shirts for the most part should be solid colors. Stay away
from pattern shirts with ties unless you are absolutely sure it looks good,
which will come with time young Skywalker…
Cufflinks - Now I know what you may be saying, cufflinks are for when
I wear a tux? Wrong! Yes they are formal, but they have been worn for
years in regular suits. The problem with cufflinks is that you need to have
special shirts to wear them with. So if you plan to buy some nice
cufflinks, plan on buying a few new shirts to go with them. If you haven’t
noticed yet, I tend to stay away from the crazier designs of things and
keep to basics. Do the same with your cufflinks, clean classy and
professional. The act of wearing the cufflinks is pea cocking, not the
cufflink itself.
Sport Jackets
This is one of my favorite items of clothing and can be done really right
or really wrong. Some guys don’t realize that a sport coat is entirely
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different than the jacket that comes with a suit. It is true that some suit
jackets can double as a sport coat, but this situation is pretty rare due to
the material and look of suits. Lately it is big to wear a sport coat with a
hoodie under it and I think it looks pretty sharp. Funny thing is that you
see guys wearing jackets from their bar mitzvah’s and communion’s with
a hoodie and it looks stupid.
Sport coats are items that are meant to stand alone and are made with
fabrics that are easier to match up with common pants. Just go to any
store and walk around touching the fabrics in the suits section and then
go over to the sport coats and see the difference for yourself.
When picking out sport coat styles I would again keep it simple. Forget
the designs on the back with that “Ed Hardy” type look, it will either
look cheap or you will only be able to wear it once in a while. Instead
look for cool fabrics to peacock. There are a ton of different fabrics for
sport coats and the more you shop the more you will discover.
Shoes
Shoes are unique part of any man’s wardrobe and they can say a little or a
lot about you. When dressing professional, I would suggest wearing
simple styles with nice textures. This is almost the same principle that I
talked about earlier with the sport coat fabrics. Loud shoes often scream
cheesy and/or make you look like a fool. Real men “peacock” shoes with
class and sedulity. Don’t worry, women will notice the smallest pattern
and look…after all they addicted to shoes themselves.
As far as the style of the shoe, I prefer laces to slip on types because I
feel they just look better. I own slip on shoes and I do like them, but
over all I feel they are a little less dressy than the laced styles besides the
fact they are getting played out. The simple fact that you don’t have to tie
a slip on combined with the laziness factor of men has caused this style
to be played out.
Don’t forget to wear nice socks and a matching belt! No god dam white
socks!!!!
Age 21-30 Business Casual and Outside of Work
Now let’s say that you work in a nice place but its business casual and/or
you are outside of work. Being that you won’t likely be wearing a tie or
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sport coat, I am going to focus on pea cocking other items I may have
told you to tone down in the above section.
Shirts
In the previous section I mentioned to keep you shirts as solids and use
the tie and other accessories to accomplish your James Bond “peacock”
style. When being casual the rules change and the power shifts to other
items of your wardrobe. So let’s talk button downs…
There are many different styles and brands of button down shirts but in
general I feel most of them look the same and will get you thrown into
the mix with the other cookie cutter button down styles. When buying
these types of shirts I almost always go with a designer and/or stick to a
few. My personal favorite, Ben Sherman….Their designs are unique and
dressy at the same time. I mention Ben Sherman because I like their
stuff, I have plenty of unique “no name” button downs that are probably
my strongest items and they were purchased at stores like Marshalls and
Kohl’s. Being able to pick out unique styles is a skill you hone over time
and mixing your wardrobe up like this will keep you from being
pinpointed as a “BRAND” whore.
Take some chances with it, you will be surprised.
Pants and Slacks
Fabrics, Fabrics, Fabrics… I can’t say it enough. If you are a magician
then you can wear pants with flames and naked girls, if not grow up!
Touch the clothes as you look through them, feel the difference. If you
are wearing a nice pair of pants that feel great from the material, women
will notice and they will probably touch you just because of it.
“Wow, those pants look comfortable!”
I would also recommend staying away from pleated designs, they are too
old man-ish and hard to keep pressed. Stick with a nice smooth looking
nice feeling choice. Since most of these pants will need to be tailored, this
allows you another opportunity to add a little “peacock” to it.
If you are going to go with a cuff in the pants, make it a nice phat one,
say 1 ½ inches give or take with your height. This big cuff reminds me a
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little of that gangster look from the days of Tommy Gun, I think its bad
ass…
In closing:
I hope you have really enjoyed this series and especially this last
installment which I worked pretty hard on. I am sure that I may have
missed some things or not fully answered your questions so please leave
any in the comments below.
Game On!
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Winning the Day 1 College Roommate War
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 08/28/2008
It’s all fair in war… and that is exactly what move in day at the
dorms is.
Sure, you’ll probably want to spend your last day in your hometown
boozing it up with your high school buddies into the wee hours of the
night…. Mom and dad will wake you up at noon or so… hung over
you’ll start loading the cars up with your microwave, TV, posters,
computers…
You’ll get to campus around two, fight the traffic and commotion of
another thousand underclassmen pushing shopping carts full of their
shit, all walking around like clueless tourists…
And then you’ll walk into your closet sized dorm room… And your
nerdy ass roommate will have already jam packed his stuff into the
limited closet space… and even worse… he’ll have claimed the better
bed.
Son, when it comes to move in day… You need to beat your roommate
to the punch.
Yes, it may sound cruel… sure, there should probably be a more fair way
of choosing… but the reality is… the early bird gets the worm.
No matter how big of a dick you feel for claiming the best bed, most
closet space, covering the walls with your Pink Floyd and Bob Marley
posters… just know… he would do the same thing to you in an instant.
If you walk in and find that there are bunk beds… you have instant
decision to make.
Most people will generally jump at the lower bunk… (I was one of the late
hung-over fools who got the top bunk)
But in reality, there are drawbacks to both:
Downsides to the bottom bunk:
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•
You clunk you head on the supports under the top bunk if you sit
up too quickly.
•
People will always be sitting on your bed when they come in your
room.
•
If someone is drunk and lost… and your room is open, they’ll
crawl into the bottom bunk because the top is too high.
•
When your roommate climbs down from the top he’ll probably
wind up stepping on your head out of spite.
•
If the guy above you is a raging drunk… there is a good chance
after a night of hard partying you're likely to get an unwanted
golden shower.
Downsides to the top bunk:
•
You need to be able to climb in the dark.
•
Every time you wake up to piss in the middle of the night you’ve
got to climb down half asleep.
•
Basically, anytime you’re in bed, and want something, you’ve got
to climb your ass down and get it.
•
If you’re a raging drunk, you’re liable to roll off the bed in
shitfaced confusion.
Even with the downsides of the bottom bunk… always choose it.
Chances are you’re roommate will have wanted it… This gives you a
great bargaining tool later.
As for appliances, entertainment, and computers…
As tempting as it sounds to let him haul all his stuff to the dorms, and
mooch off his big screen TV and 27 inch computer monitor… Always fill
the room with as much of your shit as possible.
As much as you will both try to pretend everything is equal… the guy
who owns it unconsciously has final say over how it’s used. For instance,
you want to watch the Yankee game, he wants to watch the Mets… it’s
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your TV… he’ll be checking scores on the internet, while you’re
watching Jeter and company on your big screen.
If you’ve got a lot of posters… bring them all. If he doesn’t have any,
you’re free to decorate the room as you please. These are not things you
want to negotiate. The last thing you want is some dweeb hanging
pictures his parents brought him back from their last trip to Key West.
How to be sure you beat him to the room
First, chances are you’ll speak on the phone a week or two before move
in day to discuss what both of you are bringing, and to do a formal
introduction to each other. It is crucial during this conversation that you
bluff. You tell him that you’ll be getting back late from a trip that
afternoon and probably won’t make it to campus until later in the
evening. This simple line will give him a false sense of security. He will
feel like he’s got all the time in the world to mosey down to campus.
In the meantime, you’ll have all your shit packed and ready to go the
night before. Set you alarm clock for 7am and have 2 cans of Red Bull
waiting by the bed. The minute the alarm clock goes off, guzzle the Red
Bull, hop in the shower, and amaze your parents at how energetic and
excited you are to get to campus.
Getting there early provides several benefits… you’ll get better parking
and fight less of a crowd getting to your dorm, you’ll get the better bed,
and more importantly, you have all the time in the world to socialize
later, taking first crack at the hotties on your floor.
Remember the first week of college is crucial for establishing yourself as
the party guy…. So the sooner you finish the move in bullshit… the
sooner you can begin to conquer your campus.
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The Buenos Aires Hooker Juice Incident
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 07/28/2007
I want to prelude this story by saying that this one of those stories that
makes me question my own moral character. I mean, this is an all time
low, even by Bobby Rio standards. But what’s done is done….
Two years ago a college friend of mine, John, was getting married in
Buenos Aires, Argentina. He had lived there the past 4 years, and
although he had planned to move back to the US, he fell in love with an
Argentinean girl, and the rest is history. He invited a bunch of us to the
wedding. Out of all our friends, only my friend Jake and I decided to go.
We had both been to South America enough times to know not to bring
sand to the beach, but the both of us were in the thick of relationships
and our girls jumped at the chance to have a romantic getaway in Buenos
Aires.
I was still within the first 3 months with Kate, my girl, so I didn’t
necessarily mind having her tag along on this trip. Jake, on the other
hand, had been with his girl close to two years and was miserable that he
wouldn’t be able to tag some new Spanish ass.
Needless to say we were both ecstatic when we get a call from John’s
cousin the first night down there informing us that his bachelor party was
tonight. We had arrived just in time!! The girls, although not happy to be
spending their first night in Argentina alone, had no choice but to go
along with it.
The bachelor party was the one of the craziest experiences I’ve ever seen.
I could write an entire post on the bachelor party alone, but the party
isn’t the point of the story so I’ll sum it up quickly. A bunch of John’s
Spanish friends, Jake, and I, kidnap John from his apartment. Force him
into woman’s clothing and throw him in the back of a van. The entire
drive in the van we are guzzling beers, wine, and whatever bottle of hard
liquor that is currently being passed around. John is blindfolded and
mouth duck taped, and we are shouting derogatory things at him while
harassing him physically. His Spanish friends were downright cruel.
At one point they put duct tape over John’s hairy nipples, and then rip it
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off. Then they open up the back of the van and make John (still in
women’s clothing) run behind the van tied to a leash. (The beauty of 3rd
world laws) This part of the story climaxed when we arrive in a park that
was filled with Transsexual prostitutes. I’ve never seen so many trannies
in my life. We take John out of the car and tie him to a fence and pretend
to drive away, leaving him to be ravaged by Planet of the Shemales. We
let him sweat it out for about a half hour, then we loaded him into the
van and headed to the strip bar.
The strip bar was a full frontal festival of beautiful busty Latinas…or as I
like to call it; heaven. Unfortunately most of John’s friends were married
and were more excited about the kidnapping part of the night, then the
titty bar. Jake and I had other plans. We are sitting on a couch with two
of the strippers listening to them tell us how much they love our blonde
hair and blue eyes (I think that's code for “I love your money”) Anyway,
Jake who speaks some Spanish asks them if they want to hang out
tonight. They say they can’t leave the bar till 4, but give us their numbers
and make us promise to call them this week. We take the numbers and
leave.
The next couple days of the trip are quite civil, involving a lot of
sightseeing, big dinners, wedding preparations, and getting dragged to
every clothing store in the city so that our girls can take advantage of 3rd
world bargains. All the while the stripper’s phone numbers are just
burning a hole in our pockets.
Finally the 4th day into the trip Jake can’t take it anymore… He say’s we
have to go meet the strippers. “Just for kicks,” he says. I am honestly
pretty content at this point with Kate, and am in no rush to go sneaking
around with strippers, on what was supposed to be a romantic getaway
with my girlfriend. But I’m a good friend, and I can see how much Jake
needs this. So I agree to hang out with the strippers. Our plan is to just
meet them for lunch or something, just flirt a little bit, let them grope us,
and go home.
Jake calls the stripper, and after some back and forth conversation in
Spanish that I couldn’t understand, he turns to me and says “They want
us to meet them at their apartment. They gave me the address.” Meeting
them at their apartment was a little more than I bargained for, but “what
the hell.”
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We make up some excuse about going to meet John for one last guys
only luncheon. The girls look at this as an opportunity to go on a
shopping binge without us, and don’t seem to mind our departure.
A cab drops us off in front of a large brick building. We stand outside the
building giggling nervously like a couple of giddy teenagers. We muster
up the courage and walk in. We have to walk up 8 floors of stairs to get
to their apartment. I am quite winded by the time we reach the top and
barely notice the 2 two middle aged white men that just exited the
apartment we were about to enter. Jake looks at me with a “what the
fuck” type of look. I just shrug.
It is immediately clear upon entering the apartment that we have just
entered a classic South American Brothel. There is a Madame sitting at a
desk, who asks us our names when we enter. We make up a couple fake
names. She asks us who we are here to see. Jake pulls out his paper with
the phone numbers, and reads two names. The Madame tells us to take a
seat.
Jake and I sit and give each other little looks. We are both in shock,
disappointed, disgusted, confused, and are trying to gauge the other’s
desire to go through with this. After a minute of stern deliberation it is
settled. We will fuck the whores!!!
My fake name is called first. I walk toward the desk where the Madame
asks me for $35. (Yes $35…And our girlfriends thought they were
getting bargains in the malls) I hand her about 100 pesos, roughly $40,
and wait for my change. I look at Jake, who is grinning like a kid in a
candy store. My stripper, if by stripper you mean prostitute, comes out of
a room and hand signals me to follow her.
I feel a little… I don’t want to say sleazy… you know… just a little
creped out… but she’s wearing only a robe and I keep hearing my dick
say “follow her boy… faster…damnit!!!” A minute later I’m in a dingy
little room filled with a small bed, a television set, and a night stand. I’m
slightly embarrassed by the situation and the fact that a language barrier
prevents us from communicating. I’m really not sure how I’m supposed
to proceed with the scenario.
My prostitute’s face is a little less pretty than I remember... Her body’s
alright, except for a really nasty c-section scar. She is drenched in hooker
perfume (presumably to cover up the smell of her previous appointment)
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She is smiling and rubbing her titties under the robe. She takes my hand
and puts it on her breast. I feel extremely dirty. But oddly, my dick is
quite hard. And he wins.
My performance is adequate, if not stellar. She is happy. I am probably
the first guy under forty she’s fucked all day. She wants to cuddle… We
lay there with about twenty minutes to kill. Her perfume is giving me a
headache so I have my face buried in the pillow. She is running her hands
through my hair and licking my ear. I am no longer turned on.
Now that I’ve cum she looks even less pretty and the c-section scar looks
even uglier and nastier. I want to get the fuck out of there… but I don’t
want to sit in the lobby waiting for Jake. My prostitute is whispering
something in Spanish. I think she is telling me she loves me. She tries to
kiss me on the lips. I try to gesture that I have a headache. She just keeps
trying to tongue me. I may throw up. I get out of the bed and begin
putting my clothes on.
Jake meets me in the lobby a few minutes later. He gives me a nod. We
both hurry out of there… through the halls... down the staircase… out
the door… and smack into the cold light of day.
After briefing one another on the gory details of the last hour, Jake starts
sniffing me. I back away. He moves forward and smells me again.
“Dude, you fucking reek of hooker perfume”
“Fuck! That bitch was drenched in the shit.”
I attempt to smell myself several times.
“I need a shower badly. I can’t show up at our hotel smelling like a
whore.”
“You need to burn those clothes, too” Jake is laughing.
“This ain’t fucking funny man. “
We go through my options:
1. Show up smelling like a whore... Deny and play dumb. 2. Call John see
if I can go to his place... shower, borrow clothes, and hope Kate doesn’t
notice I’m wearing a different outfit. 3. Buy some cologne and drench
myself in enough of it to override hooker scent.
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I call John from a pay phone. I try to explain my situation but the
reception is horrible. I shout “can I come over for a minute” into the
phone. He shouts “Sure”
Jake and I take a cab to John’s apartment. We jump out of the cab and
ring John’s bell repeatedly. We’re buzzed in and quickly rush up three
flights of stairs. We need to take care of this as fast as possible as the
girl’s are surely beginning to wonder what's taking us so long.
John’s fiancé answers the door. I am stunned. I try to hide my stench
behind Jake. She motions for us to come in. I reluctantly enter. Once we
get in we notice that not only is Mariella, his fiancé there… but so is
Mariella’s mother and father. She wants to introduce us to them. She
grabs my hand and leads me toward them.
She introduces us as “John’s amigos de Estados Unidos”. I try to wave to
avoid a handshaking and kiss, but it's too late. Her mother comes over
and kisses me on the cheek. She almost chokes. Her father gets a whiff of
the smell and starts sniffing suspiciously. He smells his wife (like she
might be the one drenched in whore juice) John then walks out of the
bathroom and immediately blurts out “What's that smell?”
Jake points at me. My mind is blank for an excuse as to why I smell like
whore. I point back at Jake. Everyone in the apartment is completely
uncomfortable with the situation. No one wants to ask me why I smell
like I’ve taken a bath in cheap perfume. I ask John if I can use the
bathroom.
Once I get in the bathroom I start washing my hands, face, neck… fuck
it... I take off my shirt and start washing my chest and stomach. I am now
completely naked scrubbing myself with a sponge that was in his shower.
I can only imagine the conversation that is taking place outside the door.
I start to put my clothes back on and realize that it would be defeating
the purpose of washing if I put the smelly clothes back on. I lean out the
door and call for John. John comes to the door.
“You guys went to meet those strippers didn’t you?”
“I’ll explain later… can you please get me some clothes to wear?”
“Yea… but you’re bigger than me. They’re going to be a little tight.”
“I don’t fucking care… “
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I put on Johns clothes. They are a quite tight on me. The shirt is not bad.
But the jeans make me look like an 80’s rocker. I exit the bathroom, and
in an effort to avoid any more embarrassing conversation I quickly
announce that we have to meet our girlfriends back at the hotel. Mariella
and her parents are still in total shock and barely acknowledge me when I
wave goodbye. I thank John for the clothes and grab Jake and we
bounce.
We finally get back to the hotel. I hesitantly enter my room. Kate is
waiting for me. She is lying in bed… relaxing after a hard day shopping.
She is happy to see me. Then she notices the clothes I am wearing. I
make up an excuse about spilling spaghetti sauce all over myself at
lunch… had to go to John’s to change. She believes my story.
Just my luck… she’s horny. She gives me the “fuck me eyes” I try to tell
her that I’m tired. Not in the mood… but apparently my tight eighties
rocker jeans are turning her on. She starts nibbling my ear. I feel too
guilty to speak. I am afraid I might blurt something stupid out. So I just
go along with it. She pulls off me for a second.
“Are you wearing perfume?” she asks.
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Fortaleza 5ights Part 1
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 11/14/2007
You bought three new, well-reviewed, novels for this trip. You’ve always
envisioned yourself as the kind of guy, who on vacation, reads
Hemingway at a table outside a café along the water, sipping a glass of
Cabernet. The kind of guy, who wakes up early and takes a jog on the
beach, has fruit for breakfast, maybe plays a game of tennis, and then hits
up a local museum.
Your highly acclaimed novels are still buried beneath dirty clothes in your
suitcase. You don’t know at exactly what point you deviated from your
“ideal self.” This morning when you called your mother you felt
ashamed. You used phrases like “Nice and relaxing” “Catching up on
work” “Plowing through novels” “Good restaurants "and “often lonely”
to describe the trip.
You hang up the phone and pay the fifteen Reas for the call. Now that
you’ve made your token phone calls you feel like you have just been to
Confession at church. Yet, you confessed nothing.
You are still riding the adrenaline rush of last night’s Red Bull and Cialis
fueled comet trail of adventure. Bits and pieces are forming shapes in
your mind as you sip an espresso and watch the girl’s parade down the
strip in their short denim skirts, hiked up for extra effect. A street kid
puts out his hand for coins as he passes you by. “No tengo nada” you lie.
He curses you out in Portuguese.
Your night began at Amozoa, or was it Europa? You were already pretty
tight when you arrived. You entered to pounding bongo drums, a vaguely
tribal feel, and a clan of scantily clad Brasileras shaking their stuff on
stage to the pulse of the music. No sign of the blonde and her friend that
you were supposed to meet. But Brasileras have no concept of “on time,”
so you don’t worry, and make your way to the bar to grab a Bohemia and
take in the view. You were here two years ago but that trip was during
your “Black Label” phase, which left you with very few clear memories,
and a liver that still has not forgiven you.
“Where you from?”A Brazilian guy is shouting in your ear.
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You wonder if you have the word “gringo” tattooed on your forehead.
You’re not sure if you welcome company at this time. You were quite
enjoying your own blurred thoughts and not quite enticed by the idea of
engaging conversation with a guy who obviously wants something from
you. But your “well raised” childhood taught you to never be rude.
“Estados Unidos,” you scream back.
“You like Coca, Marijuana?”
“Only chicas” you say.
“I’ll find you a good one. What you like?”
“No necassario,” you tell him. For some reason you always feel
compelled to speak your broken Portuguese, even when they’re speaking
English.
He calls over probably the only two ugly girls in the club. They both have
penciled in eye brows and slicked back jet black hair, and you wonder if
they could be transvestites.
“You like?” he asks you. The guy seems genuinely pleased with himself.
The girl/guy things are giving you “fuck me” eyes and while their gender
is not clear, it is certain that they are prostitutes. You politely thank their
pimp but tell him “I already have a chica.”
You check your watch. You decide to do a lap and see if your blonde and
friend have arrived. As you crack open your second Bohemia you wonder
if you have the energy to go through with the night. All could have been
avoided if you had only jerked off when the desire arose earlier in the
day. But jerking off in Brazil seemed like an Oxymoron, and visions of
“the blonde” naked were like piranhas gnawing on your brain. Maybe a
Red Bull will help you “man up.” You walk back to the bar and order
your first of the night.
You feel a hand graze you butt. Thinking it might be a pick pocket you
swat it away. A petite light skinned Brasilera giggles. You wonder if
maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing if the blonde doesn’t show up. It’s
not like you don’t have options. You turn to the girl and go Cave Man on
her. You grab her ass like you own it. She shakes her finger “no” but her
smile lets you know it okay to continue. You run your hand from her ass
up the curves of her abdomen, when you near her breast she grabs your
hand and places it back on her ass. You twirl her around and do a once
over.
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“Eu Gusto” you tell her.
She points to your eyes and tells you they’re beautiful.
There is something fundamentally perfect about being adored. Curious
eyes are set upon you from all directions. You are a fucking Star. The
Red Bull rush has begun. Your swagger has returned. You kiss this one
on the cheek, tell her “it was a pleasure” and make your way through the
crowd.
Sex is all around you. It comes in all forms. The boom- boom shaking
mulattas, the long swanky model types with heartbreaking cheek bones,
the skinny, the fat, the beautiful, the crazy, the Asian looking ones with
sinister eyes, the barely clothed “garotas de programma” putting their
pussy on display, the fucked up X heads, the sixteen year old debutants,
the black girls with huge hoop earrings commanding the dance
floor…the punk rockers, the one with the shaved head, too many girls…
too little time.
What do you know? Another Bohemia has bit the dust. Back to the bar.
But first a much need bathroom break. When you come out of the stall
you wish you had given it an extra couple of shakes as you notice a nice
wet spot near your crotch. Brasileras aren’t shy about pointing that sort
of thing out. You’re about to head back into that bathroom to dry off
when you spot the blonde and her friend on the dance floor surrounded
by guys. Fucking “gringos” in their Brasilia Soccer jerseys.
A situation like this might normally unravel your nerves. Throw you off
balance a bit. But not now. Sit tight my friend, you think. They’ll come.
They always do. And if they don’t? You look around- Does it matter?
Then you remember staring into her eyes, yesterday at lunch. Those far
away eyes, foreshadowing all of the reasons that you’ll most likely never
get married, never have kids, never raise a family, never do Disney
vacations.
Yes, you think. It was only yesterday you were busting through language
barriers on basis of charm. Presenting your best self. The one that can
keep a girl laughing when she has no clue what you’re saying. The self,
that when the friend arrived unexpectedly, rolled with the punches…
And won her over with impersonations of “stupid Americanos” holding
your imaginary map, pointing at buildings…works every time.
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When you started to sense that the friend might be the type to be
persuaded… you upped the ante…divvied up your attention…treated
them equally special. And when the two of them, guards finally down,
ran their fingers through your hair and kept repeating “muito lindo” you
saw the potential for something truly spectacular. No. You’re not willing
to wave the white flag quite yet. No way, Jose.
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Fortaleza 5ights Part 2
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 12/02/2007
The night bellman at your hotel is talking loudly at you in a language you
don’t understand. You get the gist of it though. Apparently strolling in at
4am with a couple of barely legal Brasileras is frowned upon at this
establishment. No one sent you the memo. You rode in like a rock star, a
girl dangling from each arm, kicking over a flower pot, ordering the
cleaning lady to bring a bottle of Scotch up to your room… Pronto!
These sorts of things aren’t acceptable in Hotel Luzieros, Fortaleza’s
most well known and luxurious hotel, he is telling you. He points at the
door. You want to knock that smug look off his Portuguese face.
The whole matter could have easily been resolved with a small bribe. But
you blew any chance of that happening with your “American sense of
entitlement” and incoherent attack on his character. You slovenly escort
the two girls outside.
One voice in your head says “Cut your losses- there is always tomorrow.”
A louder voice hails down a cab and says “To the cheapest motel.
Rapido! Por Favor”
You would be damned to let the night go up in flames at this point. Just a
few hours ago you were in the mist of the single biggest girl heist of your
life. Back at the club you had come out of the bathroom to spot your
girls sandwiched in the middle of a group of Norwegians. You felt a little
intimidated. Has your Super Americano Power waned? Have your girls
been swept away with tales of a booming European economy…
You decide to flex your muscles. You signal over a cocktail waitress. You
order 8 shots of the Brazilian equivalent of Yagermeiser. You have the
waitress deliver the shots to your girls and their new Norwegian friends.
The group is confused. They reluctantly do the shots… looking around
to see who the mysterious stranger is that sent them. You make your
Great Gatsby entrance.
The girls could not be happier to see you. You get two kisses on the lips.
You’re drunk and go for tongue but both girls resist. Nights early, you
think. You take the blonde by the hand and immediately remove her
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from the group. You look back and feel bad leaving the brunette to the
pack of Norwegian wolves. You signal for her to come over.
The girls drag you on the dance floor. Your “gringo sense of rhythm” is
usually a game killer but tonight you’re Michael fucking Jackson. You
take turns grinding with each girl… you look on in disbelief as the girls
grind sexually with each other. They get closer closer closer…They Kiss.
Jackpot!
After an hour or two of dry humping the two Brasileras and taking turns
kissing them you suggest the bounce. Their eyes light up. You flashback
to an incident in Brazil two years prior involving a spotlight, a couple
machine guns, and a girl who turned out to be sixteen. You casually ask
the girls to see their documents. Raquel, the blonde is twenty. Emelia, the
brunette is eighteen. The coast is clear for takeoff.
…Toward dawn you are sitting in the front seat of a cab next to Manny
the driver. In the back seat Raquel is disappearing inside Emelia’s dress.
You trust that Manny is actually taking you to a motel and not to a
guerrilla hide out where you will be kidnapped and tortured. But you
aren’t certain.
Manny’s hand is on your knee and he is talking loudly and passionately in
Portuguese. He is asking you questions. You smile and nod. Smile and
nod. You think Manny likes you, but can never be sure of these things.
He could just as easily be saying “You parents will pay the ransom. And
if they don’t we chop you up and feed you to pigs” The girls are too busy
to notice.
The long winding road that is Avenida Beira Mar travels the course of
the night- from the opulent to the destitute. Outside the street is still
tinkered with people. Down the road, a lone hooker trots on heels, one
hand holding her skirt from riding too far up her ass. As your cab gets
closer you see that she is topless. Manny doesn’t blink an eye as you pass
her. Manny could probably tell you stories that would break your heart.
Make you run back to the States.
But you don’t want to think about these things right now. Brazil is a
strange place for sure. You’ll have some contemplating to do when you
get home. Maybe even some life decisions to make. Rearrange some
priorities. Pick up some pieces… From the back seat Emelia lets out a
squeal. You reach your hand in the back and one of the girls begins
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sucking your fingers. Yea… once upon a time, you were one of the good
guys. Maybe you can be again… Just not tonight.
When Manny pulls away, leaving you and the girls in front of the motel,
you experience a moment of doubt. Growing up you always thought the
other guys knew some fundamental secret about girls that you didn’t.
These guys seemed to know what they were doing. It wasn’t until college,
with the help of alcohol, that you began to feel comfortable around
them. Even as you began a long string of conquests you always had the
feeling you were just learning what came naturally to others. And even as
it finally began to come naturally to you, you still had that underlying fear
that you’ll be discovered as a fraud. Looking at the girls, that is just about
how you feel right now.
All your doubts are alleviated when Raquel and Emelia fall onto the bed.
Their bodies are twisting and turning into one another. They are giggling
in a way that reminds you that this is exactly where they want to be. And
when they quickly undress, you are reminded that this is exactly where
you want to be. Raquel is the first to signal you onto the bed. You slide
into them. They both are both kissing your neck. You run your hands
along the crest of their abdomens. Emelia gently slides your pants down
to your ankles.
Sandwiched in between the two warm bodies, you can only wonder what
you did in a previous life to reap these fruits in this one.
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10 Years After I Took Her Virginity
Written by Bobby Rio
Originally Published: 07/27/2007
I get the random phone call.
Jillian, a girl I dated for a little over a year, about a year before Beth (love
of my life till she broke my heart in a million pieces) came around, wants
to know if I want to meet up for drinks one night this weekend.
I ran into her about a week ago for the first time in years and gave her
my number out of courtesy when she gave me hers. She’s ten years older
than she was when I dated her, and she was no prize then. So I had no
intention of calling her. But I should have figured she would call me. I
took her virginity for god sake. And she took mine (although I don't let
too many people know that.) I say, what about tonight. I refuse to waste
a Friday or Saturday on her. Plus she’ll expect less time from me on a
week night.
I call Jake on the way home. Jake seems to think I'm going to fuck her. I
smile because there is a part of me that kind of knows it's true. As much
as I hated this girl when I was dating her; she is old pussy. And everyone
loves old pussy.
I get home and search my drawers for my least appealing outfit. If I'm
going to fuck this girl, I'm going to do everything in my power to
convince myself I wasn’t intending to. As I'm checking my email, she
calls. She's been at happy hour. Great, she’s drunk. She always was an
annoying drunk. She wants me to meet her at her apartment. This means
we will be taking one car. There goes the quick getaway. I hear my buddy
Phil saying, “Always take two cars, that way if it's a bomb, you tell her
you're going to take a piss, and you take off.”
I park my car outside of her apartment. I sit in it for a second. I think
back to waking up with a huge hangover, and I realize that the day didn't
exactly start out with promise. So why should it end with promise.
She answers the door dressed in a tight white shirt, a skirt, and totally
inappropriate black hooker boots. An outfit I don't usually mind on girls
who can pull it off. She's 25lbs away from pulling it off. I sneer. She must
have caught it, because she tells me she’ll be right back, and she comes
back two minutes later in a different outfit.
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It is awkward in her apartment. There is this little dog that keeps jumping
on my leg, and I have to pet it while she tells me how cute it is. I keep
nodding my head. “This is going to be a long night,” I think. At that
precise minute she puts the dog into her purse and tells me she is taking
it with us for drinks. She tells me the puppy is too scared to stay home
alone. I tell her, “that is a problem, isn't it?” She says we’ll go to a place
outside. I tell her, “This is New Jersey there are no outside cafes.” She
insists and I don't feel like arguing.
She soon realizes that New Jersey, does in fact, have no outdoor places. I
have now been in the car with her for twenty minutes. I wish I could tape
record this car ride to play to people to demonstrate the torture I was
going through listening to this bitch. Talking loudly and compulsively
about nothing. Nothing I care about anyway. Finally I say, “Just pick a
place and leave the fucking dog in the car.” She picks the Town Pub,
which was good, because I don't know many people that go there. We
get to the pub and this bitch won’t leave the thing in the car. This idiot
puts this little puppy in her purse. I smile because, well, because she's’
crazy.
Amazingly the dog is being good. Apparently her rambling has put it to
sleep. Unfortunately I don’t have that option. So I do the next best thing
and guzzle gin and tonics. She is in the middle of some story about how
she got pulled over for no good reason, and a guy playing pool over
hears her. He’s a cop and is interested in her story. I take this as my cue
to excuse myself for a much needed piss break.
I get out of the bathroom and this bitch has a crowd of derelicts
surrounding her. All egging this stupid cop story on. Instead of joining
the fun I walked over to the pool table where three girls were about to
start playing. I recognized one of the girls. She was an old college friend
of a friend type girl. Over the summer she was getting harassed by a
bouncer who was claiming her ID was a fake. I was behind her in line
and she told him to verify her name with me. When the guy asked me, I
just for the life of me couldn’t remember her name. And so she was
kicked out of the club.
I felt this was a perfect time to apologize for my blunder. Plus one her
friends had made eye contact with me while I was grabbing a drink at the
bar on the way back from the bathroom. Luckily her name came back to
me right then. “Lauren,” I say to get her attention.
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She’s a friendly girl and within minutes I'm the fourth player on a two on
two pool game. I figure Jill won’t mind, she is preoccupied with the
derelicts anyway. I paired with Ivana. The cute one who was eying me.
She has an accent. She's from Denmark or France or something. We are
hitting it off nicely. We are all kind of making fun of my obnoxious
friend and her and her obnoxious stories. I explain my ordeal. They feel
my pain. I need another drink. I offer to buy the girls a round. Something
I never do, but I'm feeling sporty.
I should have never left because when I come back Jill is by the pool
table telling the girls how we were each other's firsts. I feel queasy. As Jill
is talking to the girls, I twirl my finger by my ear to signify she’s crazy.
The girls all laugh. I call Ivana over to me, and proceed to defend myself
for ever having dated this idiot. I walk her away from the crowd. We chat
for a few. We exchange numbers.
When we walk back to pool table there is tension between Jill and
Lauren. Jill stops in the middle of a sentence to point out that Lauren has
been giving her dirty looks. Jill comes over to me and explains how
Lauren just hates her for fucking her ex boyfriend. And a bunch of other
shit I could care less about. I just wanted to talk to Ivana some more. I
tell Jill to go to the bathroom and cool down for a minute.
When she leaves, the puppy wakes up. And apparently is scared of pubs.
It starts freaking out. All the girls hover around the dog. I explain what a
dog was doing in her purse. They decide that Jill is unfit to raise this dog,
and decide to take it. I give a, ‘I didn't see nothing look’. One of the girls
grabs the dog and heads for the door. I walk back over to Ivana and see
if there is any chance of getting her back to my house later.
Jill has made her way back to the booth near the pool table. She glances
at the bag and realizes that there is no dog in there. She panics. She looks
under the table. She starts scurrying around. The two remaining girls
decide it's a good time to flee. Ivana and I say a nice goodbye. I promise
to call. Meanwhile Jill has lost it completely. She realizes that the girls are
gone now too. She is crying hysterically. She is screaming that the girls
stole her dog. Everyone in the place is staring at her like she's crazy. Only
she is crazy. I tell her, I will go outside to see if the girls have it.
I'm standing by Lauren’s SUV. The three girls are in it with the puppy. I
tell them they should probably give it back. Just then Jill comes barreling
out the front door. Her face is covered in blood. She is absolutely
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hysterical. She runs over to the SUV and starts screaming at the girls. A
bouncer calls me over and asks me what happened. He wants to know if
they really have her dog. I shrug, feeling a little guilty for letting it
happen.
We look over at the car where Jill has pulled Lauren out. They are both
punching each other violently. I ask the bouncer if he's going to break it
up. “Not till a titty pops out,” he says. Finally the bouncer runs over and
breaks it up. He then searches the truck for the dog. He takes it from the
truck and hands it to Jill. Jill is crying and bleeding and hugging the dog. I
suggest we leave.
We are outside Jill’s apartment and I'm trying to calm her down. Her lip
is still bleeding pretty badly. I ask her how it happened. She was bleeding
when she came out of the pub, before the fight. She doesn't remember.
Maybe she ran into a wall in all the confusion. I kind of pat her on the
back, give her a little hug, and tell her, "it's been a fun night, but I have to
go." She says it's really fucked up for me to just leave her like this. I tell
her I have work early. I give her another little hug. She gets blood on me.
I push her off and start to walk away. She says she can't believe I'm
leaving. I can. I got to get as far away from this psychopath as possible.
My head hits the pillow and I wonder if this is really what my life has
come to. That night I dream of Beth and being up in Killington with her.
Her all bundled up. Looking so cute as she keeps falling into the snow. I
teach her how to ski and she picks it up quickly and soon she is beating
me down the mountain. Later in the night we make love in the outdoor
hot tub with a couple watching, waiting for us to use up the half hour we
were allowed to be in there. When our half hour was up we just keep
making love until someone from the front desk has to come in and tell us
to leave.
I'm awakened from my dream the next morning with a phone call from
Jill. She's in the emergency room and just wants to tell me what a
complete and utter selfish, heartless dick I am. I agree. I really can be a
dick. And so begins another fine morning.
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My First Piece of MySpace Pussy
Written by Bobby Rio
Originally Published: 06/20/2007
We've always had delusions of grandeur in regards to the house we our
renting. Probably because we lived in such shit throughout college, my
roommates and I have over glorified this house. We were still without
couches for our living room and we were hot tub shopping. An outdoor
one. It would have been sweet. Still have visions of girls sitting on our
shoulders, naked chicken fighting, and shit like that.
We also always imagined that because we had the house now, girls would
just naturally come. Sort of like Field of Dreams.
A common line. “Did she see the house?” or “What did she say when
she walked in?” Like because we had a house (only slightly nicer than a
frat house mind you) girls were going to just fuck us.
Like they're going, “Bobby's old and kind of sleazy, and his teeth are
really yellow. But he's got a nice house, so I'll fuck him anyway.”
The first month we have the house, we all basically start blowing off the
girls we were dating, getting ready for the onslaught of young new pussy
that was awaiting us. Young new pussy is what this house is all about.
Yep.
So we were naturally perplexed when a couple weeks had gone by and
none of us were yet to christen our new place with a new girl.
“What the fuck is it?” Brian is asking us after a third Friday in a row
sitting on floor in the living room drunk watching Napoleon Dynamite at
3 in the morning. Without women.
“I'm telling you, it's the bars we go to,” Jake proclaims
“Shut up with that.” I'm blunt but, I'm in no mood for excuses.
“I'm telling you, we go to New York, guarantee we'd be more appreciated
there.” Jale again.
“We are wasting this house. We should have it packed right now with
girls flipping coins seeing who gets to fuck us next,” I tell them.
“Maybe the house isn't as impressive as we think.” Brian says.
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“Don't do it. Don't crush my dreams daddy.” Jake says.
“Give it time,” Me still optimistic.
“I don't know man. We're almost thirty. You know what grown men
share a house at thirty? Crack heads.”
“You're crushing it, stop.” Jake with hands over ears.
“You might be on to something I finally admit. Crack heads and gay
men. Are we the neighborhood homos, boys?”
That Monday I woke up in the morning. I lie in bed. Recollect on the
weekend. Take a quick piss and decided I was getting laid tonight. In this
house. Without paying. Without calling one of my old stand bys. No, it
would be a completely new chick. I got pretty excited imagining what she
was going to look like. The one thing that keeps me single; the pleasure
of not knowing what the next girl you'll fuck looks like.
Of course there was the slight crick in the plan being that it's a
completely dead Monday bar night and we don't have any leads to work
with from the weekend.
My first thought was to call Tammy and break the rule a little bit. On one
hand she is an old standby, and I swore Id fuck something new tonight.
But on the other hand- I am just fucking horny and have to be realistic. I
announce my dilemma to my roommates as we were all preparing for
work.
“Bobby Rio having trouble getting laid?” They laugh. Apparently they see
the irony.
“Get on the phone, do your magic.” Jake says, now clearly enjoying the
opportunity to rip.
“I don't see condom wrappers in either of your trash cans. I try to defend
myself.”
“I'm going to out you on the internet. Tell everyone about your 2 week
long drought,” Brian threatens me with what he knows it my worst fear.
Having a reputation to live up to can be a pain in the fucking ass
sometimes.
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“I could be fucking Tammy any day this week plenty of other girls too.” I
say this, and know it is a weak comeback. I await the abuse.
“Yea, if she could stay out past her curfew. What time is it again, on
school nights?” Brian says.
“I think I saw her hanging out in front of 7-11 the other night,” Jake
inputs.
“That's it, I'm getting laid tonight. And I'm getting you two pricks laid
too.”
“Work you're magic, Bobby.
These two dicks. I could bring Keira Knightly home and fuck her on the
kitchen table and they still wouldn't be impressed.
“You joke now. But tomorrow morning, you'll both be thanking Bobby.”
I am saying this wondering how the hell I am going to deal with them
tomorrow morning when we all wake up alone.
I call out of work. I try to think where I can go on a Monday morning to
meet some women. I head to Barnes and Noble. I always hear stories of
successful book store pickups. Not much talent here this morning
though. There is a cute girl behind the counter serving coffee, but I have
a vague recollection of a past conversation that didn't go so well. As the
details of conversation become less blurry I decide I better get the hell
out of there before she recognizes me.
I hang out in Shop Right for a bit, but it is the first Monday of the
month, and it is full of people cashing in their food stamps. Although I
was fairly confident I could have taken home this Mexican women that
kept giving me the eye, she had two bratty kids that would have posed a
problem in closing the deal quickly. I headed home to regroup.
I am sitting on my computer, browsing profiles on MySpace. I had put a
profile up a month or two ago, but still kind of considered it creepy to be
contacting girls online. I also quickly found that my off beat sense of
humor didn't translate well in emails.
I still managed to waste hours browsing profiles. I looked at it like I was
acquiring ammunition in case I ever ran into one of these girls in a bar. I
figured I just start humming one of her favorite songs, maybe casually
mention how much I love Lost or whatever other stupid show she has
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listed under TV, and I'd be golden. I mean it would be fate; shed have to
fuck me right?
Fate. A lovely word, I think as my home screen reads new messages.
Now, I very rarely got messages on MySpace. My about me and who I'd
like to meet, might explain it.
About me:
Well, if I'd have to do a newspaper singles ad it word read something like
this, Single white, male, hung like a -use your imagination- women. Or
better yet, contact me and I'll show you. My spare time consists of trying
to find ways to sneak strange women out of my room before they realize
that I don't know their name. Or how I met them. I'm sure you're
reading this and wondering, how can I be one of those lucky ladies? Well
it's your special day. I am currently taking applications for Wednesday
nights. So send at least four pictures. Two of the pictures have to be
body shots. And write me a brief essay on why you deserve to be Bobby's
Miss Wednesday Night.
Who I'd like to meet:
Adventurous, spontaneous, open minded women. Brazilian or Asian, a
plus!
I did not receive many applications, I am sad to report. So I am a bit
surprised when I see that it's a girl called "Everything I thought you
know" that has messaged me. I read the email. I have posted it in its
entirety.
"Pick me!"
And so we have a winner. I click on her profile page to check her out
more. View more pictures. Only three. I enlarge them and get set to
analyze. Adorable face. Blonde. Slightly chubby, but in that sloppy
goodness sort of way. Picture Tara Reid twenty five pounds heavier. No
clear body shots. An exposed left arm kind of scares me. A tad larger
than I would prefer. But as I'm looking at her picture my dick is getting
hard so it's settled. She'll do. I go back to her profile page. She is only
eighteen. For a moment I feel special. I start believing the hype. I am the
man. I am the mother fucking man. Then the thought hits me, what if
she is smart enough to be displaying sarcasm. I read her interests, about
me, and heroes, and decide that she is, not in fact, that smart. Perfect.
I wrote her back. I have posted the email in its entirety.
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I will be at my computer for the next three hours. If you would seriously
like to be considered for the role, IM me at Bobbyrio03 on AOL. If I
hear from you we'll take it further.
Now I've heard of online success stories. I have a friend Michael that
cleans up online. I'm actually trying to get him to write a book on the
subject. He pulls 3 or 4 girls a week off MySpace and Match. I'd say half
the time he fucks them the first night. So I know it is possible. I just
never had a need to bother with it. Until now.
Exactly three hours later she contacts me. It was an extremely long
conversation, and in an effort to save space, I will not post it in its
entirety. Instead I will break it down into subjects.
Boring small talk
More boring small talk
How hot I am
What kind of piercing she has
What kind of tattoos she has
What she's doing tonight
Does she have 2 friends
Are they hot
Me looking at friends MySpace profiles
Again, what she's doing tonight
Her looking at my roommates MySpace profiles
Her telling me how hot they are
Us making plans for tonight
Now, if you're thinking that sounded too easy, everything will be
explained later.
A bit of information I skipped over in the subject matter. Me telling her
that one of her friends was too fat for my roommates, and she will have
to bring someone else. She tells me that these two girls are the only ones
that would be willing to come tonight. I hesitantly agree, laughing inside
at the thought of which of roommates would wind up with the fat one.
When my roommates get home I tell them the news. I leave out the small
detail above. They are both very happy. We plan the night. We will need:
Beer, a deck of cards, food (so that fat one doesn't drag them out to
McDonalds before things get going) condoms, music, and that's about it.
The beauty of eighteen year olds is that they are extremely easy to
impress.
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8:30 PM
The piggies arrive. They stampede in, one bigger than the next. My
roommates look at me in shock. I shrug. There is an instant decision to
be made. The three of us are communicating solely with eye glances.
The message has been sent. They are fat. We are all thoroughly
disappointed. We will fuck them anyway.
And so it's on. I assume the role of gracious host.
I take their jackets. Only my girl will not release it. She tells me it's cold. I
cringe. I know what that jacket hides. It will not be pretty later. I decide
the jacket should stay on until I put a few beers down.
We do the introductions.
There is Katie (horse). There is Aimee (gothic horse). And Kristen (shit
smeller). While my horse is no prize, gothic horse is downright repulsive.
I once again laugh, thinking about which one of my roommates will fuck
her tonight.
And the drinking begins. We are all sitting at the dining room table. We
learn a whole bunch of irrelevant information about these girls. We
pretend to be interested. We seem like great guys. The horses love us
immediately. There is nothing gratifying about winning the affection of a
horse. The speed at which we are putting beers down at 8:45 on a
Monday is frightening. The horses are keeping up.
By 9:30 we've become restless. We continually check the blinds to make
sure no one can see in. The doors are locked, the lights are dimmed. We
turn our cell phones off. I am breaking a pact that we made that night.
No one will ever know about this, we swear to each other while the
horses take a piss together. No one will ever know until I tell the world
about it boys, ha ha ha ha. That's what you fucks get for not respecting
my authority.
Around 10PM we decide it is time to take this to the next level. Below is
straight out of Bobby Rios playbook for banging girls under twenty. It
must be done exactly in this order. Take notes!
Casual drinking
Speed up the drinking with flip cup
Pair off and speed up drinking even more with beer pong
When sufficiently drunk suggest the game, Never have I ever
Begin sexual talk
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Top the night off with Truth or Dare
Get Laid
Yes, it is much easier to do the smooth transition with girls over a buck
fifty. But trust me; it works on real girls too.
We pair off. Jake is with shit smeller, the skinniest of the crew. I am a
little jealous. I don't admit this. Instead I continually point out to him
how her nostrils are snared. He continually reminds me that my horse
hasn't seen her hooves since the third grade. He wins the argument. We
both win the battle as we watch Brian make out of with Gothic Horse.
We wonder if she is going to swallow him. He seems happy.
I am alone in the kitchen with horse now. In this light, or that many
beers, she has cuteness to her. I brush the hair out of her eyes.
“You have an amazing smile,” I tell her.
“You have amazing eyes,” she tells me.
We kiss. The kiss is oddly passionate.
Her hand makes its way down my pants.
She looks perplexed. I shrug and mumble something about drinking too
much.
“Show me your room,” she whispers.
Kids, I hope you never have to do what I am about to do.
Oh, yea. I fuck the shit out of her, I eat her pussy, I do her doggy, I let
this fat pig ride me, lick my dick like it's an ice cream cone, I tell her how
sexy she is. I mean if you're going to do it you may as well enjoy it. Then
I blow my load all over her big fat titties. I throw a pair of boxers at her
to clean up with, and I roll over and go to sleep.
In the morning we hurry the horses out. We sit and brag about the
poundings we gave them. It is all just practice for the big game, we
rationalize. There is no thrill of victory with fat girls.
And so the house finally got us laid. And I had my first of many MySpace
escapades.
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Return of a Pick-Up Artist (Part 2)
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 01/09/2008
11:45 am
The day began with a Powerbar, vitamins, water and a cool shower. I
contemplate putting in a few hours at the office. I quickly scratch that
idea. I throw a pair of jeans on and head to The Saloon for a beer.
12:30 pm
I am not the only one in the bar. Apparently there are other people who
use Memorial Day weekend as a way to justify drinking in the afternoon.
I make a friend with a guy next to me. He is almost 70. Now he wants to
tell stories. Here is some advice; never show even the slightest sign of
interest with old people. They will take it as an opportunity to spend the
next two hours spilling their guts about a life gone by. He is
approximately the 600th old man in a bar who tells me not to get
married. I am afraid that these old men have subliminally installed that in
my brain.
12:50 pm
I decide that I do not want to spend my Memorial Day weekend with the
kind of people who drink alone at the town pub. I call Gloria. Yes, I can
hear the people out there saying, But you only got her number last night
Bobby. Don't call so soon. These people have watched Swingers too
many times. It is a great movie, but if you wait six days to call a girl after
you get her number chances are she forgot you, buddy. The truth is when
you get good at this shit you start writing your own rules.
12:51 pm
Gloria answers. She knew it was me. An indicator that she already put my
number in her phone. We chat for a few minutes. I hang up the phone
and smile. I wonder how she is going to be in bed later.
1:15 pm
I call Phil. He is finally back from Vegas. He tells me he thinks one of the
hookers out there gave him the clap. I tell him he should give it to
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Penelope. Tell her you brought her a gift back. I get directions for some
land up in Warren County that he wants me to do an appraisal on.
2:30 pm
I pick up Gloria. Here is a hint. For your first date with a girl don’t go the
standard coffee, dinner, drinks route. She has been on that date a
hundred times with a hundred guys. No, if you want to fuck her the first
night, unless she's a complete slut, you’ll have to be a little more creative.
Gloria is taking the ride with me up to Warren to help me assess Phil's
uncle's land. She had a little bit of the hippy chick thing going on and I
thought this would be a good way to get her juices flowing. Who knows,
maybe even fuck her in the woods.
3:00 pm
I have been in the car with her for thirty minutes and I have to say it's
been a pretty pleasant experience. I had put quite a few down at Bob's
party and was a little scared I might get a surprise when she answered the
door. But she is actually even hotter than I imagined. She's got long wavy
brown hair. Just kind of has that natural no make-up kind of beauty.
She's got to be in her late twenties. Maybe even thirty. There is a slight
hint of age twinkling in her eyes. It's sexy though.
3:35 pm
I have been doing a good job juggling the conversation between PG and
R. Every time I guide the conversation to edgier topics she bites right
away. Then I steer it back to neutral topics: work, friends, family, pop
culture gossip and just when the conversation hits a lull I throw out
things like: coworkers who fuck, the first guy she kissed, when we lost
our virginity, what celebrities we'd like to screw and just when I sense the
conversation has gotten too racy I bring it back to PG. Every time I
bring it back to R, I test her out and see if I can elevate it even further.
Each time I test her she bites and brings the conversation even racier.
Soon she is describing the first time she gave a guy road head. I started
seeing this conversation going in a very good direction. Unfortunately we
were about a minute from the land. I did not fret, if I blew my load this
early the rest of the day would be a waste. Here is another hint. The older
the girls the more willing she is too elevate the conversation. Younger
girls tend to be more naive when it comes to talking about this kind of
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stuff. The older ones eat this shit up. They are just as horny as you are,
and have very little tolerance for banal talk.
4:00 pm
Phil's uncle's land is pretty barren, actually. There is a tiny lake. There are
only a handful of trees scattered around. There is a small abandoned barn
looking house. I walk around taking pictures. I jot things down, although
this is only to make this trip seem a little more important. Like I'm a real
professional under my bad boy exterior. She sees through my bullshit and
calls me out again. “Oh look how cute and professional you look.”
Which was actually the look I was going for, but she said it with the
slightest hint of sarcasm. I put my clip board down. I pulled out the
camera. I told her to pose. That way all these boring pictures of barren
land will have something interesting to look at. I had her posing all over
the place in all kinds of positions. Fully clothed unfortunately. I
contemplated going for a naturalgirls.com photo shoot, but ultimately
decided against it. As cool as she seems, suggesting something like that
could freak a girl out if the rapport isn’t as strong as you imagined. This
early in the day I was not going to take that chance. There will be a time
for that later.
4:15 pm
A pack of wild sheep stroll in from the field in the back of the property.
The look in Gloria's eyes when we see the sheep let me know that the
juices are officially flowing. I start snapping some pictures of them. Some
girls just get so damn turned on by nature. The Kino has begun. All day
hands were always brushing against each other, I was not shy about
touching her but now the touching was turning flirty. Hands were getting
left places longer. Rising higher lower. All the signs of an adventurous
afternoon were there. She suggests that we check out the inside of the
barn/house. I wonder if there is an abandoned bed in there. Boards are
over a door. Here is a hint. Use random opportunities like this to display
some alpha male characteristics. I don't mean be a meathead, you just
have to do those certain things women like to see men do. Caveman type
shit. Displaying raw power. So instead of giving up when I saw the bars
over the door, I made it a point to bust the fucking door in. It took a few
times and knocked quite a bit of wind out of me, but we got in that
house/barn. I grabbed her hand and we walked around for awhile. There
was a bed but it was decrepit looking and I'd have preferred the floor.
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I saw a room in the back that I decided would be the room. I got behind
her and guided her toward the door. I joked with her saying that
someone was behind the door waiting for us. She grabbed a hold of me,
as planned. Once you are at this stage use any excuse you can to get her
touching you. I kept nudging her toward the room chatting her up about
the crazy ax man behind the door. She kept getting closer and closer to
me until I could feel the warmth from under her jeans. We finally pushed
the door open basically falling into it. To our surprise though three hawklike birds came flying at our heads. It was definitely a buzz kill. My racing
heart and freaked out gestures definitely subtracted from some of that
alpha male I had displayed earlier. Oh well, I have a fucking fear of birds.
What can I tell you? Luckily she was even more freaked. She quickly
pulled me out of the room and out of the barn. I ask her if she left
because of the birds. She says sort of. She left because if the birds hadn’t
of come she was about to do something I probably wouldn’t respect her
for tomorrow. She's right, I probably wouldn’t have. I don’t say anything
though. Another hint, when a girl throws out a comment like; she's not
going to sleep with you tonight because she likes you or because you
won't respect her in the morning. Ignore it. Don't respond with anything.
A lot of times girls are just saying this shit to make themselves feel better
about what they are about to do. Let them rid themselves of the guilt, but
don't make the mistake of joining in the conversation because it won't
lead anywhere good.
4:45 pm
We are in the car on our way home. There is less talking then on the way
up. The silence is not uncomfortable. Don't always feel the need to keep
the conversation going. If the rapport is good enough you can enjoy the
silence together. Give her time to think about how cool you are and a
whole bunch of other reasons to justify fucking you later.
5:30 pm
We grab a quick bite to eat at a small Italian cafe near her house. Our
hands are in the middle of the table intertwined. She has gone googly
eyed on me. Normally this look scares me, but she just has this
confidence about her, such a sexy at ease way, that I found myself a little
flattered by the adulation. She is looking at me hard. She runs her hand
through my hair. She tells me I should let her cut my hair. I ask her if she
doesn’t like my hair. She gives thumbs down. Then she laughs and says,
just kidding. But she would like to cut my hair. I am genuinely enjoying
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her company. Just thought I'd throw that in there so that you don’t think
the only thing on my mind is sex. Yes, Bobby is all around pleased with
this one and gives her the Bobby Rio seal of approval.
5:50 pm
We are in the car on the way to her salon for a haircut. The place is
closed but she has a key, and is basically manager of the place, so no one
will mind. While I'm perfectly happy with my present haircut, when I was
a little kid I used to get so turned on when the shampoo girls breast
would brush against me during the wash that I couldn’t resist the idea of
sitting in a chair watching her in the mirror. In the car ride I bring the
conversation back into R territory. I ask her if she gets turned on by the
toe polish scene in Bull Durham. She asks me if I want a pedicure at the
salon. I tell her I have a foot fetish. I can't tell if she realized I was
kidding. But the bait worked and she telling me about a scene in another
movie that turned her on.
6:15 pm
I am sitting in a chair at her salon. I have towel choked around my neck
and a restricting smock on. This is not as sexual as I imagined it would
be. She leans my head back into the sink and I wince when my neck
touches the cold stone of the sink. I look up and she is soaping up her
hands. She runs water over my head. She keeps touching the water and
asking me if it's warm enough. Finally her fingers start running through
my hair. I want to open my eyes and look up at her. She is sexually
massaging my scalp. She leaned into me and a titty brushed against me. I
am aroused. I wonder if I should try to hide this fact or leave it out in the
open and see if she catches it. I decide fuck it; and don't adjust. This rates
up there with a scalp massage I got from a pro in a termas in Rio a few
years back. No joke. I came from that scalp massage. Now Gloria's
massage was not going to make me cum, but it did make me pitch a tent
with my smock as I got up to walk over the other chair for the haircut.
6:17 pm
The hair cut has begun. I watch hair falling off my head. I wonder if it
will make things awkward if I hate my hair cut. I mean how am I
supposed to act if she really fucks it up? My attention is quickly diverted
from my haircut to the mirror where I watch as all of her attention is
focused on my head. I appreciate the enthusiasm in which she is doing
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her job. Which makes me wonder if I should tip her when she's done? I
decide she will get a tip. And then the whole thing.
6:19 pm
You are so fucking sexy; I tell her and really mean it. When you say
something like that to a girl; say it with all the confidence you can muster
up. Make her feel like the luckiest girl in the world to hear it. One good
compliment can melt away any defense she might have still had up. As
soon as I say this she drops the scissors. I spin myself around on the
chair so that I'm facing her midsection. We stare at each other for a
second, and then I pull her towards me. I smell her neck for a second
and then turn her face toward me and start kissing her. We are making
out hard.
I have no fucking clue what time it is pm
I stand up and push Gloria down into the chair. I get on top of her and
am kind of grinding into her. She is extremely turned on. I am extremely
turned on. She says we can't do it here, people can see in. Just when I
think I'm going to have to overcome another obstacle, she suggests we
go into the back room.
At this point I am about to indulge myself in the details, as they are fond
memories. If you are uncomfortable reading about my sexual exploits
you probably shouldn’t continue.
In the back room there is a recliner chair where they do waxing and stuff.
I lay her down on the chair. She can't pause for a minute. She pulls me
into her. My mouth goes back in forth from her mouth to her neck. My
hands are running up and down her legs. I tease with crotch rubs. The
unbuckling begins. My mouth goes down to her belly button area. I help
her with her pants. I watch her wiggle out of them. No panties!!!! God I
love hippie girls. She's got the trademark hippie girl patch. Just enough
muff to keep with the natural girl image, but trimmed up enough to still
look edible. So I eat. She goes crazy.
I sense that she has come from the oral. She turns me over and is
practically ripping my jeans off of me. I do the lean back please me lean
and await my reward. She goes down on me and I am enjoying it way too
much. I pull her head up and tell her again how fucking sexy she is.
Another hint: That was only the second time I complimented her all
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night. Use compliments sparingly so that when you finally give them they
will be regarded higher.
I wiggle my boxer briefs from around my ankles stand up and push her
down on the chair. I am inside of her now.
This is truly some of the best sex I've had in awhile. There is a glorious
finale with an extremely satisfying cum. We are both breathless. Hint:
Guys even if she's the fuck off the century don't get all gushy telling her
how good it was or how much you like her. Lay there, put your arm
around, cuddle like you're really into (it helps when you are) and be
fucking silent. Trust me words are not necessary.
8:30 pm
I drop Gloria off. I know some guys would have asked her to spend the
night. I easily could have spent the rest of the night with her. I was really
enjoying the time with her. But you really have to wait to see where you
want to go with this before you start getting so close. If in a week you
decide you're not into them it is easier to start blowing them off. As
much as I am into Gloria she's a little old for daddy and probably won't
make the cut. But we'll see…
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Snowballed
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 01/21/2008
I was in the worst drought of my life at the time. I was fresh out of
college, and had just been dumped by the girl I thought I was going to
marry. My skills and confidence were at an all time low. But worst of
all… I just fucking need to blow a load!!!
Some of my old college buddies were having a little get together at their
house and invited me. Although I tried to stay away from frat houses as I
was trying to “make it in the real world” the offer was just too tempting.
The thought of hot young drunk college girls was enough to persuade me
and my friend Jake to blow off work the next day and head out on a
Tuesday night to relive some former glory.
The party was less than spectacular. The mixer was with a subpar sorority
and the talent pool was slim. Still in a bit of a depression I proceeded to
drink myself silly. As the night started to wind down I got hungry. I mean
licking my chops, willing to fuck anything...hungry.
Jake was in no better shape than me. At one point we were standing
together sipping keg beer from our red cups when this sloppy fat chick
starts trying to dance with us. We jokingly sandwiched her and danced a
little, and whispered to each other that “if all else fails we take her
upstairs and tag team her.”
A few minutes later I noticed a chick that was cute (in relation to the
other pigs at the party) and I went over and started conversing with her.
In my drunken state I assumed we hit it off pretty well. Unfortunately my
game was pretty bad at this point and I just kept talking about nonsense
and wound up boring her to death. She excused herself to go to the
bathroom. I waited for her about ten minutes. When she didn’t return, I
stalked her out like the hungry wolf that I was.
I found her upstairs making out with one of the younger frat brothers.
What was left of my confidence was officially shattered. I did the walk of
shame back downstairs. At this point there wasn’t anybody downstairs so
I just plopped on the couch and waited for Jake so we could leave.
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A couple minutes later the fat girl from earlier walks in the front door. I
looked at this as a gift from god. I immediately got her on the couch.
Stroked her hair. Told her she was sexy. And a minute later I was lying
on a dirty couch making out with her. I am not going to lie and say she
had any redeeming qualities. She didn’t. She had breath that made me
want to puke. But I kept kissing her and slowly slipping my hand down
her pants.
As luck would have it… the door opens again and a handful of girls walk
into the house. These girls happened to be from my ex girlfriends
sorority. They looked at me in shock when they saw me lying on the
couch with the piglet. I just put my head down in shame. They were kind
enough to head upstairs without making conversation with me.
Once they left, I figured all my dignity was gone; I may as well finish the
deal. I told the piglet I would be right back and headed out to my car to
grab a condom. As I was walking outside Jake was walking back in the
house.
“Yo, I’ve got the fat girl inside half naked and ready to fuck” I tell him.
“If you’re still down we can do her porn style”
“Dude, I was just with her behind the shed outside. She gave me a killer
blowjob, swallowed and everything” Jake tells me.
I don’t know if it was the 12 red cups of Bud Ice, the fact I got caught on
the couch with a fatty by my ex girlfriend’s whole sorority, or the
realization that I just made out with a piglet three minutes after she
swallowed my buddies cum….
But I started dry heaving uncontrollably, and finally went outside and
pulled the trigger… blowing junks all over the front porch.
6 years later Jake is still asking me how his babies taste.
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Hotel Room High
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 01/27/2008
Somehow me and Mike Stoute were asked to be groomsmen in a college
buddy of ours wedding. It was a little surprising because our friend Chris
had basically been “born again” after dating a very Christian girl for the
last couple years. Since Mike and I didn’t exactly conform to the couple’s
moral standards, we didn’t see much of Chris anymore. Nevertheless, we
wound up in his wedding party…
The night before the wedding we all got pretty drunk after the rehearsals.
Not fall down humiliate yourself drunk... just drunk enough to make
some bad decisions.
The rehearsal after party ended pretty early which left a lot of time to kill
at the hotel we were all staying at. Mike and I were sharing a room on the
same floor as the groom’s family; as Chris wanted us in close proximity
to prevent any debauchery that would have had us over sleep the
morning nuptials.
A handful of us met at the hotel lobby bar, where I slowly got drunk
enough to realize I was wasting a perfectly good hotel room. Against my
better judgment I scanned my phone for some tail to call. I stopped at
Tammy. Tammy was an eighteen year old senior in high school…. and
we're not talking about the sweet innocent type. Tammy was a hostess at
a restaurant where I was bar tending at the time. I had fucked her once
before, and my performance was less than stellar. I actually came before I
got inside her… I caught my load in my hand and then pushed her off
me and told her it was “too soon.” This only made her want me more.
The previous attempt at fucking Tammy’s ridiculously tight pussy left me
with no alternative than to secure an insurance policy for the next time.
The insurance policy came in the form of a pill of Viagra I scored off a
friend for “extra measure.” The restaurant was a close knit group and I
had a reputation to uphold… I figured I could get Stoute out of the
room for a good hour while I gave Tammy the pounding she craved.
Mike and I were sitting in the lobby when Tammy arrived. She was
dressed high school whorish as usual… and got quite a few stares from
the families of the bride and groom. Chris gave me a look, but I was too
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drunk to give a shit at that point. After getting the evil eye from just
about everyone in the lobby, the three of us decided to go up to the
room, so Mike could roll a “cigar” that he and Tammy could smoke.
If you’ve listened to Mike’s incessant coughing during our podcasts you
could probably tell that he is quite fond of the green stuff. Tammy was
just as big a fan, so when the two of them got together the entire room
was a giant cloud. I just sat there waiting for Mike to leave so that I could
get my grubby hands on Tammy.
Just as the two of them were finishing their second “cigar” there was a
pounding knock on the door. The three of us just froze. They both
looked at me to answer it as I was apparently the most sober. I peeked
through the little hole and saw a man in a suit standing next to a bald
security guard.
I let them knock another minute, while the three of just stared at each
other in disbelief. Finally I slightly opened the door and peaked out. The
bald guy pushed the door open, and the two of them entered the room.
The room is a cloud of smoke and the hotel manager starts harassing us
about the smell. Mike, Tammy, and I just shrug our shoulders, sniff
around, and pretend we don’t smell anything. Then as the manager starts
looking around the room, Mike spots a dime bag on night table. He
casually tries to grab it without them seeing, but the bald security guard
catches him.
They demand to see what's in Mike’s hand. Mike puts the bag in his right
hand, and shows them his left. Then switches the bag and shows them
his other hand. The men are not amused. They demand to see both
hands. The next thing I know Mike is barreling past them headed
towards the bathroom. The bald guy darts after him. Mike makes a
running dive toward the toilet, but the bald guy tackles him just as Mike
reaches his hand out to flush the bag. The bald guy takes the bag and
demands for all three of to sit on the bed. The hotel manager calls down
to the front desk and tells them to secure a police officer.
Mike starts pleading with them to not call the cops. They tell us that if he
hadn’t been a wise ass, they would have let us go. But now the bald guy is
pissed. He is a corrections officer. He is reprimanding us sternly. Just as
he gets finished telling us how big scumbags we are, there is another
knock on the door. The hotel manager opens the door. It is our friend
Chris. The manager explains the situation and tells him to leave. Chris,
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seeing visions of two missing groomsmen and in no mood to explain
what jerk offs his friends are to his fiancé, begs the hotel manager to not
call the cops.
The manager tells Chris to leave for a minute, shuts the door and comes
back inside. He tells us “You’re friend may have just saved your ass.” But
he wants our names and some identification. He then tells the bald guy to
search the room to make sure we don’t have anything else in the room.
Mike and I hand him are licenses. The only identification Tammy has on
her is her high school ID. The hotel manager looks at me like I’m the
scum of the earth. At that precise moment the bald guy pulls my pill of
Viagra out of a pill case in my duffel bag. He holds the little blue pill in
the air and wants to know who has a prescription for an erectile
dysfunction medication. None of us say anything. He asks “Whose duffel
bag is this?” I raise my hand.
The bald guy wants to know why a 26 year old guy is carrying around a
pill of Viagra.
The hotel manager wants to know why a 26 year old has a high school
girl in a hotel room that is filled with booze and other goodies.
I have no answer for either one of them.
The manager tells us he’s not going to ruin our friend’s wedding just
because we’ve decided to be fuck ups; he’s going to leave the police out
of this. But he then says “I can’t leave this girl in the room with you two
in good conscious.” His solution is to call Tammy’s parents and have
them come to the hotel to pick her up. “And I want you to be there with
me when they arrive” he says to me.
Lucky Mike gets to stay in the room, as Tammy and I get escorted
through the halls by the manager and the security guard. We pass various
members of Chris’s family on our long walk to the elevator. We finally
get down stairs where the four of us sit in the lobby waiting for Tammy’s
parents to arrive.
Twenty five minutes later Tammy’s mom and dad show up. The hotel
manager tells them the whole story with all the gory details. The bald guy
has to hold Tammy’s dad back from striking me. I apologize and promise
that I will never ever see Tammy again. Tammy’s mom is grabbing her
ear and calling her a “little tramp.” Even the bald guy is little
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uncomfortable with the whole situation. Everyone in the room officially
agrees that I am the scum of the earth.
I sleep soundly that night.
The wedding goes smoothly the next day. I am having a blast. I am
engaged in a great conversation with one of the bridesmaid, a hot cousin
from Texas. My cell phone goes off with three texts in a row. 1st text
from co-worker Trish “Old man need Viagra?” 2nd text from co-worker
Kelly “Tell me she’s lying Bobby?” 3rd text from co-worker Jackie “Your
dick only works for me daddy?”
I turn my phone off. It will not be pretty walking into work on Monday.
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The Early Days Experimenting with Speed
Seduction
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 03/12/2008
I’ve wanted to write in detail about some of my experiences in the
community for awhile now. It's hard to believe that it's been 10 years for
me. So I’ve decided to start a new series about the early years. These were
the craziest times because it was all so new and life transforming.
Amazingly when I sat down to write it all came back to me crystal clear.
Here are my adventures; I hope you find them informative and
entertaining.
The Early Years: Experimenting with Speed Seduction
1998
Buff is in the bedroom with Suzanne.
I know its coming. I’ve got the nervous giggles.
“Have you ever felt an instantaneous connection to someone? Like
maybe as you’re sitting there looking at him… a cord of light grows from
you to them” Buff’s voice is radiating from the bedroom.
At that very moment I know Buff is motioning with his hand from his
solar plex to hers.
I know what he’s going to say next. I want to repeat it along with him.
“And as that cord glows with the warm of that connection… maybe you
can even imagine a time in the future…”
I’m lipping along with him. Tracy is too drunk to notice. She flips over a
card and tells me I have to drink.
I sip my beer. I’m waiting for Suzanne to burst out laughing. Buff
continues on…
“…like six months from now… still feeling that sense of connection…
and looking back at tonight as having been the start of it.”
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My giggling causes beer to shoot out of my nose.
“Are you alright?” Tracy asks me.
“Yea… yea” I say.
The Instantaneous Connection Pattern
A few weeks later we are at Fatsos. Its college night and half of Montclair
State is there.
Buff is notoriously missing. He is on his third date this week.
Mike and I are drinking Bud Lights and discussing the past couple of
weeks. I pat the index card in my pocket. It is filled with “weasel
phrases” and “embedded commands.”
“Do I look hungry?” Mike asks.
“A little,” I tell him. “Pretend I just said something funny.”
Mike busts into laughter.
We are talking and laughing and smiling but we’re not saying much of
anything. At least not much of anything that makes sense. It doesn’t
matter. All that matters is that we don’t look hungry.
Ross Jeffries says “Those who look hungry never get fed.”
Suzanne, already drunk, comes over to Mike and I to say hello. She kisses
Mike on the cheek. She turns to kiss me, but I lean back and wave.
Ross Jeffries says “A kiss on the cheek is supplication.”
Straight to the point she says, “So where’s Buff?”
“I think he’s working” I tell her.
Her face drops.
“I love him. He’s such a sweet guy,” she says.
Mike smiles at me.
“Is he coming by after work?” she asks.
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“Not sure.” I say.
“Okay” Suzanne says then walks away.
I head to the bathroom to regroup. I pour the rest of my beer in the
pisser. A clear head beats a beer buzz for confidence. I pull out my index
card and review the notes. The card reads “Use quotes”
I walk out of the bathroom and bump into Angela from Sigma Kappa.
“Sweet Caroline” is blasting through the speakers and she’s trying to get
me to dance with her.
Instead I say, “You wouldn’t believe what this girl just came up and said
to me.”
“What?” Angela asks.
“The girl walks right up to, looks me dead in the eyes, and says,
‘Imagine…me going down on you… all night long’” I say this staring
directly into Angela’s eyes.
“Really?” Angela asks, then blushes.
“Yea… It really took me back…I didn’t even know what to say.” I tell
her.
Just then Mike interrupts us.
He pulls me aside and says, “So I was just talking to Suzanne… and she
kept repeating Buff’s name to herself over and over again.”
I smile.
“It was actually kind of scary,” he says.
A life defining moment on the bowl
You never imagine that your life is going to change while taking a shit.
But if it wasn’t for a tad of constipation I would probably not have made
it past the pictures in the issue of Playboy I was browsing through.
In the back of the magazine I stumbled across an article by Peter Alson
about this ugly middle aged guy named Ross Jeffries, who has a cult like
following of guys all claiming that he can seduce any women in a matter
of minutes.
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Alson weaves tales of lowly computer nerds scoring blowjobs from
aspiring models and playboy bunnies in coffee shop bathrooms. Super
Guru Pickup God Ross Jeffries has defied nature and figured out the
secret to the universe.
I was immediately sold.
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The Falling in Love Pattern
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 03/12/2008
“I don’t even know you,” Deanna is whispering in my ear.
“All the better,” I say.
Sometimes foolish men attribute their success to blind chance. Other
equally foolish men mistake coincidence for success.
There was the time my car got hit by a van full of illegal Mexicans, and an
insurance check paid a trip to Cancun I didn’t think I would be able to
afford. Easily assignable to coincidence. Another time I called a radio
station every hour on the hour until I won tickets to a Tom Petty
concert. Easily assignable to success.
Deanna puts something soft and damp into my hands. I look to down
and see that it’s a pair of her turquoise colored panties.
Tonight is a tossup.
Deanna clutches the lever of my seat and pushes me back. She climbs on
top of me. I’m pinned down by my seat belt. She is running her hand
down my chest. With her other hand she cups the back of my neck and
pulls my face toward her. The seat belt has me trapped and our mouths
don’t reach each others. She puts her finger to my face and I put it
between my lips. She is unbuckling me.
For the first five weeks of our Creative Non Fiction class she didn’t
know I existed. I was part of the crowd. My baseball hats, my Sublime tshirts, my five o’clock shadow, my bloodshot eyes… “A typical frat boy,”
is how she described me to her friend.
She is hiking her yellow sun dress up to her waist. I’m free now and our
mouths are locked, tongues thrashing together. I’ve got one hand
cupping her bare ass; my other hand is wrapped around the back of her
neck.
“Are you wearing contacts?” I ask her.
“No… why?”
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“Just wondering,” I say.
There is a reflection from the street light our car is parked under, and her
pale blue eyes are glowing like an Alaskan Huskies.
Success or coincidence?
She’s fumbling with the buttons on my jeans. I’ve got a tit smashed
against my face. Her tongue is cleaning out my ear. I lift my ass, as she
slides my jeans down.
“Do you think I’m pretty?” she whispers.
“Beautiful,” I say.
“Tell me,” she says.
Our assignment a week ago in class was to write a short story describing
a memorable experience.
There were stories about a skiing in Vermont, a first trip to Yankee
stadium, a death of a father, the birth of a child, winning a spelling bee in
the sixth grade, a Garth Brooks concert, Paris in the spring time…
I wrote about the first time I fell in love…
She’s straddling me and our pubes are rubbing hard against each other.
She reaches between our legs and wraps her hand around The Boss. She
adjusts herself and guides me into her.
Her eyes roll back into her head.
Outside cars are passing by. Horns are beeping. Engines igniting.
Success or Coincidence?
There was a moment of hesitation when the professor called on me to
read my story to the class.
This was the big go… Mike and Buff had been using Speed Seduction
frequently since the cassette tapes arrived in the mail a few weeks back.
They had the ‘jump in and learn to swim’ type attitude with the stuff. I
mainly sat in front of my mirror reciting patterns and practicing tonality.
The perfectionist in me always found it wasn’t quite the right time.
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I am in Creative Non Fiction reading my story from the paper in front of
me…
“It was my third date with Shari when I realized what was happening. It’s
like you’re not even aware until it’s too late. You’ve already begun to feel
that connection… and grow even more attracted. You begin to pay
attention in that special way. First, becoming aware… of the rhythm of
your breathing… the beating of your heart… and that sense of growing
fascination… such that as you continues to be aware of all this… one
particular feature of the their face begins to rivet your attention… so as
you just continue to keep looking… it’s like the rest of the environment
disappears… and the entire world becomes this face…”
I am keenly aware of the eyes of the class on me. I am self conscious and
a bit uncomfortable with what I’m reading… but it’s too late to stop.
“You don’t even know why you just have to go deep inside and find all
those values that are so important to you but you just naturally link them
up with this person such that you find yourself beginning to look
through the eyes of attraction … cause I find when you look through the
eyes of attraction, look through the eyes of desire, that’s when you can
make that connection…”
The Falling in Love Pattern
Deanna is grunting and growling. The restriction of fucking in a Jetta is
unsettling. I have to lift her a little so I can bounce her up and down on
The Boss. I’m getting a case of rug burn on my crotch. Her eyes are
closed which is good because a couple students are walking past our car.
I put my hand over her mouth to silence her. I see them peak in but
continue walking.
“And as you feel that passion growing more and more maybe to a point
where you feel yourself just letting go completely as you allow this person
to come deep inside releasing all those feelings that have been building
and building up inside, you just want to release them in a flood and I find
when you do that now with me I find you just feel so enchanted like you
are now under a love spell cast upon you such that you can’t control
yourself and just find yourself going wild with it”
Success or Coincidence?
The Boss explodes. Deanna collapses on top of me.
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Don’t Buy the Cheap Sex Toys
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 07/22/2008
I’ve always been pretty experimental in the bedroom… dare I say…
kinky. I have a wild imagination, sue me. Lucky for me, right from the
start, I’ve found girls willing to let me indulge in my whims.
But what I’ve noticed while mulling over my exploits is that often these
whims have turned out to end on a sour note.
There was the time I took a roll of film of my ex in compromising
positions… that mysteriously disappeared when we went to the CVS to
pick them up.
There was the time we lost the key to the handcuffs….
The time I jokingly asked my ex to pee on me… and she did!
The time I bought the super large dildo to play with on her… and then
suddenly felt inadequate.
But nothing was worse than the time I cheeped out on the sex toys.
This was back when I was dating my first girlfriend Jillian. For all her
flaws… I do say, she was gung ho in the bedroom. We were like a couple
of perverts trying to see what we could come up with next. Role playing,
bondage, blindfolds, fruits and vegetables, voyeurism… we did it all.
One day I ventured off to the holy grail of perverted fun... The Pleasure
Palace. This place had everything I ever dreamed about. I was a kid in the
candy store. I wanted everything. Only I had very little money.
Luckily, I spotted a discount shelf. There were a handful of items marked
down for clearance. With the amount of money in my pocket, my choice
was narrowed down to a cock ring, edible panties, or anal beads.
I went with the anal beads for the low low price of $4.99.
For those of you unaware of what anal beads are; these are a series of
beads attached to each other usually by a string with a handy retrieval
ring. The package promised that if I inserted them into her ass… and
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then pulled them out right as she climaxed… she would reach new
orgasmic heights. Worth a shot, right?
Jillian wasn’t thrilled with my new toy. She only mildly liked it when I did
her anal, and usually felt dirty about it afterwards. But I can be pretty
persuasive. I sold her on the "new orgasmic heights."
Things started out amusing enough with the beads. We tried them out in
her vagina first. In and out, in and out. As our session got steamier, I
started poking my finger around her ass trying to warm her up to it. She
squirmed a bit… but soon enough I’m digging away, and she likes it. I
take this as my cue to start sliding the anal beads in. They were still pretty
lubed up from her pussy juice, so they went in without a fight.
By this time, I’m doing her pretty hard missionary. I’ve got her legs
spread over her head. Wailing away. Jillian starts making her "I’m going
to cum" face, so I reach under her ass and grab the ring and get ready to
yank.
Just as the two of us reach orgasm I pull the string in one quick flick of
the wrist.
She did a giant pelvic thrust… but then flashed me a reassuring smile to
let me know she enjoyed.
I was a proud man.
That was until I looked down at the string in my hand.
The string which had five beads going in… had come out with four.
I quickly tried to hide the string under the pillow. But my face must have
given it away. Jillian starts asking, "What's wrong?"
"One of the balls didn’t come out" I tell her.
She jumps up and grabs the string from under the pillow. It is obvious
that the bead slipped over the last knot.
She starts panicking. She reaches her hand around to her ass and starts
holding her anus open while jumping up and down. I pray the bead will
pop out. It doesn’t.
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If you remember from previous mentions of Jillian, she wasn’t the most
mentally stable girl. She starts hyperventilating. She’s screaming, "You
better get this fucking thing out of my ass."
I say, "Maybe you should try taking a shit."
She looks like she’s going claw my face off. I get behind her and start
prodding around. I want to reach in, but I am afraid I’ll just push it back
further.
Now she’s crying so loud I can’t concentrate.
I say "Maybe we should go to the Health Center on campus. See if they
have any suggestions."
I take from her reaction that wasn’t an option.
I calm her down enough to walk her into the bathroom. I sit her naked
body on the toilet and tell her to push like she constipated… push like
she’s trying to get a baby out.
She starts pushing. She’s making some nauseating faces and I have to
leave the room.
The grunts and growls that were coming out the bathroom would have
scared small children.
After a few minutes they stop.
"I feel it" she screams.
I open the door and peak in. Jillian has her ass raised above the bowl and
is shaking it violently. But nothing is falling out.
"It's right there. I can feel it. Look and see if you can see it."
She kneels down over the bowl and lunges her ass into the air. I take my
two fingers and pry apart her anus.
"Push" I tell her.
She begins pushing, grunting, and growling all over again.
Miraculously the little purple bead appears… but just as I’m about to
grab it her anus closes shut and sucks it back in.
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"Push again, harder this time" I demand.
She’s pushing so hard one of the veins in her forehead seems it's going to
burst. I’m really hoping a turd doesn’t pop out along with the bead. I’d
have to dump her.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" she screams.
The bead plops onto the floor.
I pick the thing up and flush it down the toilet. I walk in the room and
grab the string and flush all the beads down the toilet.
And that, my friends, is why you don’t buy the cheap sex toys.
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That Drunken 5ight in Medellin Story
Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 08/18/2008
8:40 pm
My dick is in my left hand… my right hand is fumbling through the
medicine cabinet for some kind of lube… I’m squatting over the toilet,
my mind trying to hold a fantasy long enough to rub one out. But just
outside the door there are seven different Spanish voices continually
reminding me that my time in the bathroom is limited. I float different
pictures through my mind… first, one of my girlfriend’s cousins… Anna
and her big fake titties… then Sofia and her rebellious tomboy attitude…
but the noise is just too distracting.
8:44
I’ve finally got some momentum going. I start unrolling some toilet paper
to finish into… “Bobby, c’mon other people need to use the bathroom”
my girlfriend shouts in
… Everything is fucked. My dick goes limp.
I give up.
9:05
My girl gives me a little peck on my lips. The most action I’ve gotten all
week in this chastity ward of an apartment. That’s what happens when
you cram 9 people into a three bedroom apartment. Privacy is
nonexistent.
I pull her close and grind my hard-on into her. She rolls her eyes and tells
me no. I finish putting on my shirt. She tells me not to be so grumpy and
that I better have a good time tonight. I beg one last time… “A goodbye
blow job…please?”
9:25
I’m in the backseat of Sofia’s car and I’m trying to calculate just how old
she is. Sofia could be 25 or 40 and I wouldn’t be surprised. And normally
I wouldn’t have cared much. But I’m thinking now… the older she is…
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the more likely she’d be up for doing something if something should
happen to come up…
9:44
We get into the bar… it’s themed like a typical Colombian town... Each
room with a different theme. The waiters are walking around dressed like
typical town people… there is a priest, a nun, a farmer, a banker… a
cowboy. .. And the town bum…
9:45
I walk through smiling… making sure they notice… And they always
notice. Because in a brown eyed world… the blue eyed man is king.
The room we wind up in is themed like a cathedral, and a slight bit
creepy.
9:46
I follow the cousins to a table filled with about eight or nine Colombians.
I am doing the obligatory kiss on the check to bunch of chubby
Spaniards… the loud alpha male of the group introduces himself in
English. His name is Jim. I am happy that there will be at least one
person I can communicate with here tonight.
9:51
Shot number one goes down smoothly. In fact, I smell the glass to make
sure it wasn’t water. Sofia notices my curiosity and says “Aguardiente,
you like?” I smile. There are three bottles of the stuff on the table. I try
pouring Sofia a shot. She shakes her finger no. “I no like” she says in
broken English. “I no care” I say and fill the shot glass. She shakes her
finger no again. I lift the glass and down the shot myself.
10:00
Jim calls me over to him. He hands me a shot. We knock glasses and
shoot them. He puts his arm around me. “You like the Colombian girls?”
he asks. “Si” I say. “Muy Bien! Mucho gusto!”
He asks me why my girlfriend didn’t come. I explain that she had a
wedding rehearsal … and has to get up early tomorrow for the wedding.
“So you can have some fun tonight!” he says.
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10:02
Jim calls over an old fatty. I assume he is trying to hook me up with
her… I give him the thumbs down.
Jim introduces me to the fatty… his wife.
I’m a little embarrassed by my blunder, but nothing another shot of
Aguardiente won’t cure. I pour the three of us shots and we gulp them
down.
10:11
I turn to Sofia. I want to make conversation. I try… but it’s useless. It’s
too loud to deal with language barriers. She takes my hand and leads me
to the dance floor.
Things get ugly quick on the dance floor. My lack of rhythm is apparent.
Sofia not wanting to be seen dancing with the gringo… pawns me off on
her sister. Her sister wants to play dirty. She doesn’t know daddy. She
doesn’t know how dirty I can get.
10:13
Pretty soon I’ve made both of us uncomfortable. My constant humping
of her leg and staring at her tits has seemingly offended her… I put my
tail between my legs and head back to the table.
10:14
I get back just in time for another shot.
10:16
There are a few new faces at our table. Some young girls… that can’t be
older than sixteen. I start to wish I Googled the age of consent down
here. For all intensive purposes I’ll assume it’s sixteen. I fumble for the
bottle and begin pouring another shot. Sofia grabs my arm… and tells
me in her adorable broken English to “slow down or I get too crazy”
She’s probably right… but I’m past the point of reason. I fill a few
glasses and try to hand the sixteen year olds shots. They shake their
fingers no. I push the glasses toward them again.
10:18
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Jim sees me trying to make conversation with the girls and comes over to
us. He looks at the group of girls and nods at me. I give him two big
thumbs up.
10:19
He introduces me to the sixteen year old… his daughter.
Before I have time to explain… he tells me to dance with his daughter.
He actually pushes us closer together. I look back at him over my
shoulder… now he gives me the thumbs up.
As we are dancing Jim comes up behind his daughter and sandwiches her
against me. She is in the middle of us and I’m grinding lower and lower
with her. Jim seemingly pleased… heads back to the table and leaves me
and his daughter alone.
10:22
Time for a piss break.
10:25
I regroup in the bathroom.
...it's a moral test of yourself, whether or not you can maintain loyalty.
Because when you can be loyal… that’s meaningful… So you’re going to
go out there… drink your drink… be friendly… not too friendly, and
then you’re going go home and jerk off. And that’s all you’re going to do.
Yea right!!!
This is where things get blurry.
Here are the definite memories I have:
… Gulping down another four or five shots of Aguardiente
… Jim’s daughter shaking her finger no as I try to lick her ear
…Jim’s fat wife pulling me off her daughter and then scolding her
daughter in public
Here are the fuzzy memories I have:
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… Sofia pushing me into a car with a random Spanish guy
… Driving through the mountains of Medellin thinking I’m being
kidnapped
…throwing up in a port-a-potty on the side of the road:
Here is where things get ugly:
I stumble into the apartment and stalk out my girlfriend. I try to wake her
up. I go caveman on her. I take off all of my clothes and demand sex.
She is not turned on my aggressive drunken behavior… or my breath
which reeks of puke.
Naked, I retreat to my bed. I try for a few minutes to jerk off. It’s not
going to happen. I decide to piss before going to sleep. I walk to the
bathroom.
I head back into our room.
Only I’m not in our room. I’m standing buck naked in the room where
the aunt, Sofia and Anna are sleeping. Only they are not sleeping. They
are staring at me and laughing and pointing for me to go back into the
hallway and to my own room. I momentarily snap back into
consciousness and walk into the hallway.
This time I wonder into my girl’s cousin Adolfo’s room. I start to crawl
in bed with him. Naked. He wakes up and flips out. Hearing his anger the
aunt comes into the room and in Spanish intervenes. (Most likely
explaining that I’m a drunken mess who has no clue what room he is
in… or probably even what country he is in)
The two of them guide my naked ass back to my room.
9:20 am
I wake up alone, naked, on my bed. I have vague flashes of the night
before… I panic.
In the other room I hear the Spanish chatter of the entire family having
breakfast. I am completely dehydrated and desperately want water, but
thought of going into the kitchen to face the family is terrifying.
I close my eyes and go back to sleep.
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11:40
My girlfriend wakes me up and tells me that I have to get dressed for her
friend’s wedding. She asks me “What the hell happened last night”
11:53
I do the walk of shame to the bathroom. When I expose myself from the
room… the entire family starts mocking me in Spanish. They are nice
about it… but are openly amused. All I can think about was how
pronounced the “shrinkage” was….
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31 Days to Better Game
Day 1
Designing Your Life
Written by Bobby Rio
Originally Published: 06/10/2008
The first step you need to take to improve any area of your life is
determining your desired outcome. The title of this series is 31 Days to
Better Game… but “better game” has a different meaning for everyone
reading this. In order to fully experience and appreciate the lessons you’ll
receive over the next 31 days you need to have a clearly defined end
result.
Having a clearly defined end result means knowing exactly where you
want to be 31 days from now. How will you look after you’ve achieved
better game? How will you act? What kind of girls will you be dating?
Sleeping with? What will a day in your life look like once you’ve got this
area of your life mastered? How will you feel? What kind of thoughts will
be running through your mind?
These are all questions that you cannot ignore. This step is more
important than any lesson you will learn from here on out.
If you have had difficulty with talking to women, managing a
relationship, building attraction... or any other area of your life… until
you develop a clearly defined goal for yourself your mind will continue
producing the same results you’ve always gotten.
Have you read the book The Secret? Or how about Real Magic? Or
Think and Grow Rich? These three books (if read and implemented
correctly) are worth their weight in gold.
These three books all explore the ancient principle that your mind will
create whatever reality you present it. This means that if you consistently
think of the lack in your life (of women, money, and friendship) the
universe will continue to provide you a life of lack. But if you train your
mind to see abundance (of women, money) the universe will provide you
a life of abundance.
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If this sounds new age and hokey… wait a minute. I felt the same way
years ago when I was presented with this concept. But I’m going to safely
say that it is magic.
I want all of you reading this to put aside your personal opinions and
judgments and reservations. I want you to trust me to give this a chance.
Your Homework
Everyone reading this needs to set aside one hour in a quiet place. Take a
pen and paper with you. You need to close your eyes and spend the next
thirty minutes visualizing yourself as your Ideal Self. Imagine clearly what
you will look like, feel like, and act like once you’ve mastered this area of
your life.
As you run this image through your mind, pay attention to the way you
walk, the way your voice sounds, the thoughts running through your
mind, visualize yourself in the company of the woman you want to be
with. Clearly imagine the women and note the way you interact with
them.
After you’ve spent about thirty minutes just completely immersed in this
“new you” stop your visualizations and grab your pen and paper. Now I
want you to write the most descriptive, thought out, clearly defined,
summary of this new you. Write everything in the present tense. For
example, suppose in your mind you saw yourself surrounded by a set of
beautiful women and they were all laughing and having a good time…
you would write “I am confident around large groups of beautiful
women and easily create enjoyable conversation while building
attraction.” If during your visualization you saw yourself having
unbelievable sex with a perfect 10, write ” I am having sex the girl I’ve
desired” and so on.
The idea here is to create a blueprint of the life you want. It needs to be
as detailed as possible. It needs to be filled with emotions and feelings.
You need to read this piece of paper and be instantly transported into
that reality.
Next
Every morning when you awaken… take out that piece of paper and read
it a few times to yourself. Then close your eyes imagine this reality. See
your ideal self. See your ideal life.
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The entire time you're visualizing this life… let your mind go. You will be
tempted to let your negativity and doubt creep in and tell you this isn’t
possible... or remind yourself of your shortcoming or flaws… Clear your
mind of the negativity and focus solely on “ideal life.”
Throughout the day try to remember to keep your self- talk in the
positive. Even if you deviate from your “ideal self” in your current
reality, continue to talk to yourself positively. “I am always meeting and
attracting new interesting girls.”
Every night before you go to bed; repeat the ritual of the morning. Lay
there holding that image (with feeling) firmly in your mind. See if so real
that it feels like you're dreaming.
I want each and everyone one of you to do this for one month. Don’t
slack. I’m not asking much. There is no hard work involved. I’m not
asking you to approach 10 sets a night…. I’m just asking you to spend a
half an hour in the morning, and a half an hour in the evening visualizing
the life you want.
At the end of the 31 days I want feedback on this exercise… I only want
feedback from those of you that followed it every day exactly as I’ve
stated. The rest of you can keep your excuses I don’t want to hear them.
Those that choose to follow this… I know that I will be hearing
miraculous stories!
If you want some further reading on this subject I highly recommend
reading The Secret
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Day 2
Developing Inner Game
Written by Cajun
Originally Published: 06/12/2008
Inner game is probably one of the most popular subjects in the
community. It’s a major sticking point for nearly everyone who has
trouble talking to women and it’s a problem that can be difficult to fix as
well, since it tends to be rooted in a lifetime’s worth of negative beliefs
that are based on things like fear and rejection. Inner game is also a topic
that I think can only be discussed from a personal level, that is, I can’t
convince you how to think or look at life differently, only you can, but I
can tell you how I overcame the very same problems, and hope that you
can learn from my experiences.
So what is it?
To me, inner game problems boils down to two things: your experience
and your mindset. Every problem you run into with not just women, but
life itself, can be attributed to one of these two areas. I’m going to get
into both of these, and give some personal insights, so hopefully by the
end of this article you’ll have a clearer understanding of what exactly it is
that you need to work on to fix your own issues.
Experience:
When people ask me how I developed my “Rock solid confidence”, I
always answer the same; “Practice”. When you think about what
confidence actually is you realize that it's simply doing something that
you’ve done enough times to be comfortable with. It’s only when were
thrown into situations that are unfamiliar to us that we start to lose
confidence in ourselves. The sad and somewhat ironic reality is that most
men are not comfortable talking to women simply because they don’t talk
to women! It’s a negative feedback loop that’s perpetuated by a fear of
“what might go wrong”. This is bullshit! To be scared of the possible
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negative outcomes is to be scared of the very thing that enables you to
get better!
Think about it this way; when you were learning to ride a bike, were you
too scared to get on because of a fear that you might fall down? Maybe,
but you got on anyway because you saw how much fun all the other kids
were having, even then you realized that the reward was worth the risk.
Well this is the same thing, I remember when I first started out with this
stuff I used to get drinks thrown in my face, told off, or simply ignored.
The first few weeks were rough; it took me a while before I got used to
rejection enough that I could understand where I went wrong. Getting
used to rejection isn’t easy, but the best advice I can give you is to simply
accept it, don’t get mad at her or yourself, don’t go home, just accept that
it’s a completely normal, and necessary part of the learning process. You
can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs. The sooner you
realize that rejection is a necessary evil, the sooner you can come to terms
with it and move past it.
Mind Set:
Most of us grew up in a society that believed in a 2 concentric circle
model of reality. That is, the outer circle being reality, or the world
around us, and the inner circle being our consciousness. We experience
the outer circle; reality, through our inner circle; our consciousness. This
is how we believed reality worked; that our consciousness was
independent of it…but recently this all changed.
We are now learning through quantum physics that reality is actually the
inner circle, and that our consciousness is the outer circle. That is; reality
exists inside our mind, we create our own reality with our thoughts (Or
beliefs, if you’d rather).
What does this mean?
As far as any of us know, there may only be 1 reality; your own. Who’s to
say I’m not a figment of your imagination, your reality, writing this entire
article out to send a message to YOU, from your subconscious mind. It’s
possible.
The truth is, whether any of us actually exist or not is irrelevant. Life is a
game, and it’s a game that a lot of people are scared to play. Don’t be one
of them.
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I recently received an email from a student of mine asking about the
power of beliefs, and how they work. I replied with the following:
“Think of it this way: what if, let’s say, 15 years from now programmers
invent this computer game that is virtually identical to reality. The AI is
so smart you can’t tell it’s not a real person. The five senses are so
accurately programmed that there is no detectable difference to reality.
Now, you get to play this game, but the programmer tells you some hints
on how to play, he says this:
“This software is programmed to work intuitively with your brain. So, if
you want to be, let’s say, a rich Casanova in the game, then all you have
to do is believe that you ARE a rich Casanova, and you will become one.
The trick is you have to actually believe it, and then the program takes
care of the rest. In fact you can have, and be anything you want in this
program as long as you ask for it using these “beliefs”. Think of it as your
“console hack”"
I’m sure you saw this coming, but this “game” already exists and it’s
called reality. You become who you believe you are.”
Sound a little like the matrix? Well that’s ok, like I said; I can only give
advice on inner game from my own personal perspective and this is
simply how I believe reality works.
I’ll end this article with something that I’ve never written about before:
I remember the very night that I became good at attracting women, I
remember because I had an epiphany that night and it was so mindblowing that I had to write it down as soon as I came home. It has since
become my mantra, and I know that if down the road I ever forget
everything that I’ve learned in the past few years, all I will have to do is
read this piece of paper and it will all come back. What does the paper
say?
“The secret to becoming amazing at attracting women is…to remember
that you already are.”
Your welcome,
Cajun.
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Day 3
Updating Your Look
Written by Bobby Rio
Originally Published:06/13/2008
There is a misused phrase being tossed around in regards to attracting
women… “Looks don’t matter.” The phrase should have been worded
“Looks only matter so much.”
There is no denying that physical attractiveness makes it easier for
attraction to take place. But you don’t need to be naturally good looking
to make a good first impression.
If you’ve read The Game you know that the first advice Mystery gave
Neil Strauss was to improve upon his look. He had the less-thanhandsome Strauss shave his balding head, get a tan, grow a goatee, hit the
gym, and change his wardrobe. If you’ve seen the before and after
pictures you know what a drastic improvement these simple steps made.
Like Strauss says, “You’ve got to present your best self.”
I wrote a post a couple months ago called 10 Ways to Immediately Make
Yourself More Attractive. I highly recommend reading over that list. The
list includes simple to improve areas like skin color, hair style, smiling,
posture and grooming tips. By just implementing these 10 tips you will
begin to not only look more attractive, but you will begin to feel much
more attractive.
What I did not include on that list but is equally important is maintaining
a fit body. I’m not saying that you have to look like David Beckham…
but you know deep inside if you’re body can be improved upon. If you
look in the mirror and see things jiggling, there is no excuse not hit to hit
the gym. If you’re unsure of how to lose that extra weight check out this
article about shedding unwanted pounds… if you’re looking to gain some
muscle read this article on bulking up for the summer. If you want
further information on designing a weight loss/muscle gain plan read this
free personal trainer program-the site has like five hundred articles on
every aspect of weight training and nutrition.
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After you’ve improved upon the areas of your appearance that need
some work… it's time to update your wardrobe. I am not a firm believer
in peacocking in the sense that Mystery and Style teach. But I do believe
in using clothes and accessories as a way to attract positive attention.
More importantly is dressing in a way that promotes your self confidence.
If you’ve got little or no sense of fashion than read through our men’s
fashion articles here at the site. We’ve had a couple fashion consultants
contributing articles to make your choices easier. If you’re still looking
for more advice than I would recommend purchasing Brad P’s Fashion
Bible.
If you still have questions regarding how to go about updating your life
you might find an article I wrote for my How to Be Popular in High
series helpful. Although the article was geared toward high school
students there is advice on creating your image that can be applied to all
age groups. The article also talks about creating a presence and takes
quite a bit from the classic article The 7 Elements of Charisma.
Today’s Homework
Today you need to make the necessary changes to present your best self.
No matter what area of your physical appearance (if any) needs an
overhaul there is more than enough information contained in this lesson
to get you well on your way.
Remembers just because “Looks only matter so much” you shouldn’t use
that as an excuse to be lazy about your appearance. Would you be
attracted to a girl who isn’t doing her best to present herself to you?
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Day 4
Always be Advertising
Written by Bobby Rio
Originally Published: 06/16/2008
In a common sale’s office 10% of the salesmen make 90% of the money.
Is it because they are that much better salesman? No. It’s because a
successful salesman is constantly marketing himself while the other 90%
do their 9-5 in the office and call it a day.
The biggest mistake most guys tend to make while trying to improve
their game is they think that it only counts when they are at a bar or club.
They read books, study lines, learn to “be alpha” but they sit in their
house all week waiting for the weekend to practice game.
I spent this weekend with AFC Adam Lyons from Pua Training in New
York. If I had to name the most inspiring thing I got out of the weekend
it was Adam’s ability to always “be on.” Adam made the comment
several times that he “is game.” And he’s right.
No matter who he was talking to he was projecting the same charismatic
personality. He didn’t wait until heading to the clubs at night to go into
game mode. He lived, breathed, and slept game.
Does that mean all you should care about is game? Hell no. It just means
that everything you learn needs to be implemented at all times.
Always dress to impress. Always be chatting up strangers. Always be
opening sets. Always strive to make your conversations memorable.
Always be presenting your best self.
A lot guys wonder how come some nights it is so hard to get “in state.”
It is so hard for them because all week they’ve created a pattern of bad
posture, poor tonality, boring conversation, approach anxiety, and AFC
tendencies…. then they expect to miraculously be the life of the party
come Saturday night.
Every lesson that you learn throughout these 31 days needs to become a
new habit in your life. If you’ve just read an article about flirting; start
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flirting immediately. I don’t care if you have to flirt with your sixty year
old neighbor…. you need to always be reinforcing these skills.
Once you get in the habit of always reinforcing the skills you’ve been
learning, you will find that it becomes a lot easier to get “in state” since
you will be spending most of your time in the right frame of mind.
More importantly though, is that you will find, like the most successful
salesmen, that the best leads come when you least expect it. If you’re
always “on” you’ll find that you’ll naturally be attracting more women
into your life. Your co-workers who used to ignore you will be asking
you to come hang out with them. The counter girl at your local bank will
be dropping you IOIs.
Always leave the house expecting to meet the girl of your dreams.
Because you just don’t know when you will bump into her.
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Day 5
Being High Status
Written by Mack Tight
Originally Published: 06/17/2008
I was reading Bobby’s recent post “Never Show Emotion When She
Walks Away” and all I could think was “could that dude make it any
more obvious that he was low status”?
Let me explain…
When you think of “high status males” who do you think of?
Donald Trump… George Clooney… Kobe Bryant… your favorite
politician…
Now if any of these guys had an attractive girl make out with them and
run off would they set around and pout like a tit baby about it?
Fuck no…
They are flooded by a large quantity of attractive women in their life…
and even if you temporarily took away their money, clothes, cars and
made them wear a disguise; any woman would still be able to read that
they are high status within minutes of meeting them by the way they talk,
act and by their body language.
In Wisconsin we deer hunt and my Dad always told me to never cough
because a deer’s hearing is much better than a human’s…
Well a woman’s “status” senses are far superior to a man’s.
Now you might ask why “status” is so important to women.
Because with “high status” comes most of the traits women desire in
men like security, power, wealth, fame, social acceptance and notoriety.
Not only will landing a guy like that make her life better, it will make the
life of her kids better and even make her friends jealous and envious.
…yes, women are actually very competitive with each other but in more
subtle ways than men…
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So how can women sense your status?
They can sense your supply versus your demand…
If you are clingy and needy it shows to them that you have a low demand
and a high supply. If on the other hand you don’t give a shit when
dealing with a hot girl you’re showing your supply is low and your
demand is high.
Now if a guy’s supply is high and demand low and attractive women is
the commodity; the attractive women are going to have a harder time
landing this guy’s business. This raises his status to them.
Supply and demand is not unique to women and men either…
Why is gas $4 a gallon? Supply and demand!
Why are diamonds so expensive? Supply and demand! (Thanks to
DeBeers)
It is like your status is a publicly traded stock when you go into a club
and your every action makes it go up and down in value.
Here’s another analogy from my childhood…
When I was a kid I collected sports cards. There was a term called a
“common” for sports cards of a player no one wanted. “Commons”
were ummm… common…
…don’t be a common!
The guy in Bobby’s story showed to everyone in the bar and most
importantly to the girl that he was a “common” by gawking at her and
pouting.
It is quite obvious that an attractive girl kissing him was a “big deal” and
a rare occurrence in his life…
That made it quite obvious to everyone that he was “low status”.
Now similarly, if you go to a car dealership to deal on a car, you always
want to give them the impression that there are other dealerships that are
in the hunt for your business…
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If you go to a job interview you want to give the interviewers the
impression that there are many companies of courting you…
…you are living in a world of opportunities and abundance.
Always give the impression that you have options in your life even
if you don’t.
Now let me switch things up and touch on some community concepts
that hit on the “high status” point…
Peacocking
Do you think wearing a pair of Sketchers, some old carpenter pants and a
boring t-shirt of your local major sports team screams “I’m high status”?
To me it screams “I don’t care how I look, I want to fit in and I’m scared
to stand out”!
That’s what “peacocking” is all about… having the balls to stand out…
…and I’m not talking about even wearing goggles and a fuzzy hat.
For example, I recently bought a bright green Paul Frank t-shirt with
Julius the monkey on it. What can I say; some like dogs and cats but I
LOVE MONKEYS!
I had guys busting on me about it but I could HANDLE it. I had women
cold approaching ME about the shirt and I went to town from there. I
even had some girls who BUSTED on me just like the guys did but I was
able to turn the tables and get attraction from them. I bet everyone of
those douche bags who were busting on me went out and bought the
same shirt the next day…
…but I have a feeling they had no luck with it because they could not
properly handle the reactions.
High status men do not care what others think.
Negging
“Negging” is defined as saying something to an attractive girl that subtly
shows her that you are not caught in a hypnotic trance over her beauty.
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Calling it “negging” was a bad move because people outside of the
community assume it is just about putting down women.
Sure, some examples involve VERY, VERY subtle comments that could
be taken as a backhanded compliment. For example, take Mystery’s “its
funny how your nose twitches when you talk” or Neil Strauss’ routine of
picking a piece of lint off a girl’s shirt. It is not like you are calling the girl
a “bitch” or saying she is “ugly”. You need to differentiate “negging”
from being an obnoxious asshole. Many people who are new to the
community do not understand how to calibrate proper negging.
Basically you are showing her that in a sea of low value ass-kissing
chumps you are the one prized high value man who is accustomed to
interacting with girls of her level of beauty on a routine basis.
She is accustomed to being put on a pedestal by guys staring at her,
buying her drinks, endlessly approaching her and showering her with
complements…
…but you quickly knock her off the pedestal to defuse her defenses. It
may sound mean but women WANT to come off their pedestals to meet a high
value man like yourself!
Giving/Taking Value
I made a post a while back by Mehow about giving value by being the
value.
It does a good job of differentiating how needy and high status guys
communicate with women.
Do you think a rock star that is in town for a tour is going to barrage a
girl he just met with a bunch of interview questions?
What’s your name? What’s your age? Where are you from? What is your
job?
HELL NO! For him to ask such personal questions to a girl with them
both knowing he will be in a different city the next day would be silly.
Instead he is probably going to vibe with her about cool things. Maybe
they’ll talk about music or pop culture. He might bring up some stories
about something crazy that happened at his last tour stop in New York
City.
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Guys often interact with beautiful women by asking endless personal
questions and they usually never end up seeing or talking to the girl
EVER AGAIN anyway, so it is completely worthless!
High status men want to test women before they even care about their
personal life. They begin by building comfort and attraction by telling
interesting high value stories (such as the rock star’s crazy night at his
NYC tour stop). ONLY if the interaction progresses to the point that it
EXCEEDS his normal standards does he care to learn the back of
baseball card stats of a girl’s personal life.
A high status man has many options with quality women just as a quality
woman has many options with low status men. The key is that quality
women only have limited opportunities to interact with truly high status
men. So show them that you are high status from the start and you will
make yourself the exception and not the norm.
So there you go…
I hope I did a good job of explaining high status to you. I also hope my
examples gave you some ideas on how you can raise your status to
women even higher.
It’s casual,
Mack Tight
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Day 6
How to be a Good Flirt
Written by Christian Hudson
Originally Published 06/18/2008
I was a very boring guy until I turned about 22. My interests used to lie
exclusively in history, economics and business, and while this proved an
asset in my talks with “adults,”,I was completely stilted when you’d throw
me into a bar full of people my age. I thought that, somehow, once a girl
sensed how deep and concerned about the real world I was, she was
bound to be attracted to me. Needless to say, I wasn’t exactly a huge hit
around the college bars in Ann Arbor, MI.
The inability to be fun and flirtatious is one of the most common
problems that men face when they’re learning to get better with women.
To this day, it is issue number one amongst the clients with whom I
work. While they may have some approach anxiety, it is not necessarily
because they are afraid of getting rejected, so much as it is that they are
worried the conversation will flatten out and get boring. There’s nothing
worse than a girl who, initially, seems to be enjoying her time with you,
only to see her attention wane as the conversation starts to get, well,
lame.
If you’ve ever been talking to a woman and thought to yourself, “man,
I’m even boring myself!” then you know exactly what I’m talking about
here.
A flat conversation is one without any spark, emotion, surprise… it is
how you might communicate with your lawyer or your professor. And
listen, if you never learned to communicate any other way, that’s fine –
you’re in the company of many other men. But let’s learn how to flirt,
and add some much-needed texture to the conversation.
Flirting is conversational play. Its two people talking about… anything
they want (it definitely does not need to be logical)… and pushing,
pulling, surprising and rewarding each other. Flirting is YOU and HER –
your personality and hers – sharing some basic information and making it
more fun. I like to think of it as taking a flat note, hitting it with a bend,
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and running it through a flanger. Swooosh – instant texture. But perhaps
an example is in order.
DULL, BORING CONVO
F: So where are you from?
M: Right, uh… Stains. It's just outside London.
F: Ok… how is it there?
M: It’s pretty nice. You know, it was a good place to grow up. How
about you, where are you from?
Here, our man is relaying facts. This conversation is as flat as a deflated
blimp, and probably not even as interesting. Key point: the girl is not
having FUN sharing this information. Let’s consider a few tweaks.
FUN, INTERESTING CONVERSATION
F: So where are you from?
M: Hmmmm, I’m from… guess where I’m from. (Here you’re creating a
little game – more fun)
F: Ohhh, ahhh, London. (Note: there are about a million responses she
could have here, ranging from “I don’t know,” to “that’s too hard” –
we’ll use one of those in a later example),
M: Ohhh! So close. You get the Silver Star. (Little reward for playing
along). Nope, I’m from Stains.
F: Stains… what’s that like?
M: Ok, I’ll tell you what it's like… (here you’re “headlining” what you’re
going to say, building up anticipation. Now, put your hand on her
shoulder and lean into her ear, saying quietly)… but you can’t tell anyone
else. (Now, step back, look her in the eye, and say) Promise?
F: Ok, promise.
M: Cool, so check it out…
What have we done here? We’ve conveyed the exact same information,
but we’ve texturized it with some personality. We’ve made a little game
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of getting it out of you. There’s a whole mess of other things going on in
here - subtle frame control, screening and qualifying - but most
importantly, it's made the conversation, and the process of sharing
information, a lot more FUN.
These exact conversation fragments happened with a boot camp client
not long ago; needless to say, after coaching him on how to rock the
second one, he was doing a lot better with the ladies.
I want to add too – you don’t have to be a dancing ape with your delivery
on this one. Too often, our models of fun behavior and delivery are guys
who are way over the top, act gay, or have some other presentation style
that just smacks of “seduction community.” You can be totally chill, and
as long as your delivery includes some warmth and a smile, you’ll be
golden. Think Happy Californian Stoner/Surfer.
Ok, so let’s consider another example… a girl asks you what you do. This
is literally the first question out of the mouth of every girl you meet here
in NYC; there must be a book that girls receive when they move here,
about how to tell if the guy they’re talking to is going to treat them to Per
Se dinners and weekends in the Hamptons.
I used to answer this question in one of two ways. One option was to say
“Are you qualifying me already?” which girls usually take as offensive and
which, 95% of the time, shuts down the conversation. That line works
with certain girls, but there’s no algorithm for knowing which – you just
need to practice and develop a feel for it. The other thing I’d say was
something like “I’m a garbage man,” which is obviously a lie and which,
because I’m not being truthful, punished them for asking me about
myself. So what’s a fun way to stand out when a girl asks you this
question?
F: So what do you do?
M: Hmmm, I’m a…. guess what I do. (She’s going to have to work
harder than her lame ‘How to Separate the Duds from the Studs in NYC’
guidebook told her she would)
F: I don’t know. It could be anything. (And she’s not pleased about it!)
M: Ok, tell you what… (thinking)… I’ll give you three options. (I
wouldn’t play a “reward/punishment” game here if it's early in the
conversation, as you’re getting away from the question at that point).
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F: Ok, that sounds good.
M: Ok, option 1… I run a beverage company that produces and markets
caffeinated gelatin shots in little one ounce packets. (Lots of detail, fun,
interesting)
F: Ahhh, ok…
M: Option 2: I consult with men on their lifestyles and communications
skills – kind of like Hitch – to help them meet cooler women and have
better social lives (too ridiculous to be true – or is it?)
F: hahahaha, right…
M: Option 3: I run a software company that builds security software for
biotech firms who want to protect sensitive data from being stolen by
insiders (sounds legit, too complicated to be a lie)
F: Okkkkkk… that’s tough.
M: I know, right? But you’ve got the power of your copious intellect.
F: Haha, so I’m going to guess option 3.
M: Wow, you’re like… kind of right! You get partial credit! That deserves
a hug, but no kiss on the cheek yet. (Give her a little hug)
F: Wait what do you mean partial credit?
M: Well… I’ve actually done all three.
F: So you’re an entrepreneur!
M: Yeah, exactly. Damn, you’re wicked smart.
And so on. This is a conversation I have, frequently almost verbatim, and
helps me avoid talking about the coaching stuff because I’ll steer it into
talking about jello shots or software. Of course, the way that you present
something like this may vary; one way you might want to present it is to
throw in your job, described very interestingly, along with two hobbies,
described as if they were jobs (i.e. if you play guitar you could say “I’m a
musician working to get his first breakthrough demo track laid down).
Now, it's time to ask the girl what she does. Here’s the flat, boring
version:
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M: So what do you do?
F: I’m a technical designer for Jill Sanders.
M: Ok, uh… what’s that?
I meet girls every day and they tell me they do something that I’ve never
heard of. More often than not, I just don’t have anything good to relate,
immediately, to what a girl does. So what can you do with that?! Well…
M: So what do you do?
F: I’m a technical designer for Jill Sanders
M: Wait a minute, no you’re NOT. Get, OutOfHere. (Smiling as if she
just made your day when she told you that)
F: Wait, why (she’s probably smiling now too)….?
M: Actually, I have no idea what a technical designer is (both laugh). But
it sounds exciting. Tell me about it.
Same information, more texture, more playfulness. Let’s consider another
example, but with a more common job:
M: So what do you do?
F: I’m a sales representative for [insert big faceless company here]
M: Wait a minute, no you’re NOT. Get, OutOfHere. (Smiling as if she
just made your day when she told you that)
F: Wait, why (she’s probably smiling now too)….?
M: Ah, I’m just messing with ya. How’d you get into sales?
See? Creating this playful tension, this texture, makes a girl feel much
better about sharing information with you. She has FUN telling it to you
because the conversation itself is a little series of surprises.
And ultimately, this is what flirting is all about. We’ve barely scratched
the surface in terms of all the techniques you can use to flirt. But if the
attitude you take with you into your interactions is “what would give this
conversation some texture, some fun?” then you’ll find yourself flirting
pretty effortlessly.
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Day 7
Simple steps for Successfully Approaching and
Opening Women
Written by Bobby Rio
Originally Published: 06/19/2008
I think most guys are waiting for some new pick- up artist to come out
with an innovative, fail proof, guaranteed to work opening line to say to a
woman. Don’t hold your breath.
An opener is just the first thing you say to start an interaction. Yes,
ideally it will make her laugh, make you look cool, and create
conversation that just flows from it.
But the fact is; there is no perfect opener. But there are perfect ways to
approach and deliver your opening line.
The best approaches are spontaneous. BAM! You see a woman you want
to talk to an immediately initiate a conversation. The reason these
approaches are the best is because very little thought is going into the
interaction. The less thought out and planned an interaction is the more
natural and relaxed you will appear.
Once you start scanning your mind for things to say it's over. You’re
mentally in the wrong state.
This is why in the beginning a lot of coaches recommend using canned
openers. Personally, I recommend having a couple canned openers ready
for different situations… but I would keep them simple (hey, are you
guys friendly?..) and stay away from the classic Mystery or Strauss “who
lies more” or “what 80’s pop duo should I name my dog after?” I’ve
found that guys who are using these elaborate canned openers are getting
stuck in routine mode and not going on to develop natural conversation
skills. But that's just my opinion.
When it comes to opening girls I’ve found that several things will make
all the difference.
1. Proximity. The easiest girls to talk to are the ones you're standing
closest to. Most of the times these girls will be expecting you to open
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them. As you walk into a venue scan the room for the best possible spot.
You don’t want to be the guy doing laps all night with the hungry look
on his face.
2. Spontaneous. The best approaches feel spontaneous. That is the
beauty of the three second rule. If you’ve entered a bar, and you’re in the
proximity to a couple girls you want to talk to- open them immediately.
The longer you wait the more awkward it's going to be. Even if you just
say “you girls look like you’re ready for a fun night” give them cheers
with your glass and then go back to talking to your friend. Now they’re
opened. Open as many people around you as quickly as you can. This
will put you in the right frame of mind. (And build social value)
3. Body Language- The reason spontaneous approaches work the best
is because your body language doesn’t have time to get all weird and up
tight. Because the approach was spontaneous you will be sending off
really natural body language. You want to make sure your body language
conveys the image that this interaction carries no excess value to you.
You also want to present the image that you could turn and walk away at
any time.
4. Stay Fun- Once you’ve approached and opened girls keep a really fun
vibe. I see too many guys open a girl with a funny line… then
immediately go into “interview mode.” Once you’re in interview mode
she knows you’re hitting on her, and is probably bored. You’re better off
staying playful for awhile.
5. Know when to eject and when not to- If you open a girl and the
whole time you’re talking to her she’s fumbling with her cell phone and
avoiding eye contact… don’t waste your time. On the other hand, if you
get a tad resistance; don't prematurely eject. You have to differentiate
between a girl who visibly giving you signals of disinterest… and the girls
that just take a little more work. Remember not all girls are super
outgoing… some girls need a little prying before they open up.
I hope that these tips help next time you’re out. There are entire books
on approaching but sometimes it's the simplest advice that is most
practical and easy to implement.
Bobby
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Day 8
Improving Your Conversation Skills
Written by Bobby Rio
Originally Published: 06/20/2008
The goal of a conversation is to connect with the other person on some
level. After you’ve approached a woman and have broken the ice with an
opening line… you need to hook her into the conversation. You need to
get her to invest some interest in talking to you.
How do you get a girl to invest some interest in the conversation?
One of the easiest ways to elicit a response is to make assumptions about
her and funny guesses. For instance, the other night I was talking to a girl
at a bar, and I asked her if she lived in the city. She told me she just
moved here from Iowa.
The standard question that most guys would have asked next was “how
do you like the city?”
Instead I said, “So, you’re here because as a child you had bright lights
big city dreams… you imagined yourself strolling down Fifth Ave,
swinging your briefcase on your way to your job in advertising…”
At this point she stopped me and said… “Ha-ha, actually I imagined it
was a job on Wall St., I’m a finance geek.”
“So you imagined yourself in a power suit… doing lunches with the
Gordon Gekko types... talking about how Intel is down a point?”
From there the conversation flowed naturally because I avoided
interview mode. I guided her along. When that thread died down it was
easy to transition into another interesting topic.”
“So tell me what your first week in the city was really like” I asked her.
Here she brought up the emotions she felt of excitement mixed with
fear.
Using the material she gave me “the mix of excitement and fear” I was
able to transition into another thread.
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“Well aren’t the most satisfying times in life the times you feel that
adrenaline? It's like when you think of your most memorable vacation…
it probably wasn’t a vacation you sat in a beach chair sipping Pina
Coladas... It was probably one where you challenged yourself a bit…”
“Haha, yes… being stuck in France not speaking a word of the
language... out of money”
“Oh... that sounds like a good story... do tell!”
See how the conversation is naturally flowing from one thread to
another? After she spoke a bit about her adventure in France I told her
about my first time in Brazil, and explained the emotion I felt of “being
lost on this entirely different continent, and how it almost brings you
back your childhood when things were still new… and you had that
desire to explore.”
We were able to smoothly transition from “Do you live in the City?” to
having a detailed conversation about our most adventurous vacations.
The key to being a good conversationalist is to keep your ears open for
hooks. A hook is something she says that you can use to extend the
conversation. If you’re listening to her you’ll notice a new hook every
time she opens her mouth. When she told me she just moved here from
Iowa a month ago she gave me three hooks to work off of. (Leaving
Iowa, arriving in NY, her first month here) Each time she gives you a
hook you should relate it back to her establishing a connection.
The biggest mistakes guys make is turning the conversation into an
interview… take the conversation above and see how easily it could have
headed into interview mode:
•
me: Do you live in the city?
•
her: I just moved here from Iowa
•
me: Oh yea.. so what do you do?
•
her: I’m a stock broker
•
me: where do you usually hangout?
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See how easily the conversation could have turned into a high pressured
interview if I hadn’t used what she gave me and related it back to her.
You also want to stay away from “try hard” relating. This is where
everything she says you try to find away to immediately relate to it.
•
me: Do you live in the city?
•
her: I just moved here from Iowa
•
me: Really, I have a friend who went there on vacation last year.
What do you do?
•
her: I’m a stockbroker.
•
me: Oh yea.. I dabbled with stocks online a little. What do you do
for fun?
In the example above you’re wasting valuable hooks by trying to fill the
air with pointless banter about yourself. Who cares that your friend went
there on vacation?
The proper way to handle a hook is to relate it back to her. This is
actually a technique I learned from Richard La Ruina’s book The Natural
Art of Seduction where he talks about taking things deeper. Here is an
example from my conversation of how I took things deeper.
•
me: tell me about your most adventurous vacation.
•
her: It was this time in France when I was dead broke, didn’t
speak the language, and alone for two days wondering around
Paris.
•
me: So you must have felt both the thrill and fear of complete
anonymity. So what does one do when they know no one will
find out?
See how I acknowledged the emotion that she must have been feeling.
This simple acknowledgement let her know that: 1. I was really listening
to her. 2. That I was able to empathize and understand her. 3. That I was
genuinely curious to know what one does when they know no one is
watching.
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Once you’ve acknowledged what she has given you it is alright to relate
the story to yourself. Because now she knows that you’re on the same
playing field. She knows that you’re not superficially trying to relate…
This is a conversational strategy you should take on no matter who you
are talking to. Many of us have old habits that we’re going to have to
break. The easiest way to break an old habit is to consistently implement
a new one.
Instead of waiting for attractive girls to practice this new conversational
strategy I would suggest practicing it with your friends, family, and coworkers. Practice picking out the hooks these people are giving you, and
then practice acknowledging the hooks. If you get in this habit you will
naturally become a better conversationalist.
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Day 9
How to Build Comfort with a Girl
Written by T
Originally Published: 06/23/2008
Bobby Rio asked me to shed some light on building comfort with
women. This is just a sampler of techniques you can use to build comfort
with women and isn’t meant to be an exhaustive list by any means. I
hope you guys enjoy it and find it helpful.
Two things I hear guys ask about when it comes to building comfort with
women are (1) whether to go indirect versus direct with the game and (2)
whether to compliment or playfully insult the woman. My answer is…it
depends on your conveyed status. If your body language, physical
appearance, social proofing and/or manner of speech are strong enough
to convey higher value from the moment you walk in the door or open
your mouth, sure you can compliment a woman upon first meeting her.
One of my rules has always been that it’s all right to put a woman on a
pedestal so long as it’s made clear that you’re on the throne, which is
even higher. Or to put it another way, treating a woman like a queen is
not a sign of weakness as long as it’s crystal clear that you’re the king. If
there’s any possible doubt as to your status versus her status, however,
you will probably want to lean more toward indirect game and playful
teasing and insults.
The more comfortable you get with your game, the easier it will get to
convey that you’re an alpha male and a prize with hardly any effort. Until
you reach that level of game, however, it’s always better to start in the
beginning with a little more indirect game and use playful negging and
teasing to bring down your target’s status in relation to your status.
Eventually though as you get more comfortable with your inner game
and alpha role, you want to get skilled at knowing how and when to use
compliments and direct game as well as using negs and indirect game.
Daytime Drills
One of the biggest problems men have with building comfort with
women is that they put too much emphasis on the moment of truth,
which is the moment of interaction at the bar or club. Picture yourself as
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an athlete, say a basketball player, but you never practice or touch a
basketball except during big games in front of a large amount of people.
Imagine how nervous you’d be. Imagine how off your game would be.
You’d never do that. You’d practice by yourself for hours when nothing
is on the line and not a lot of people are watching. You’d run drills.
You’d take shot after shot after shot in your spare time. You’d do
visualization exercises. And by the time you hit the big game you’d feel a
lot less pressure on yourself because you mentally prepared yourself for
this moment.
The same applies for building comfort with women: practice when it
doesn’t count and when no one is watching and you’ll be way more
confident and perform much better during game time. Start a
conversation every day with a different attractive woman. Aim for 30
seconds. Then go for a minute. You achieve that, go for five minutes. If
you’re stuck on a long post office line behind an attractive woman, that’s
an opportunity for conversation. A woman sitting next to you on a bus
reading a book you’ve already read is an opportunity. A cramped subway
car is an opportunity. Make small talk with the Starbucks barista when
waiting for your coffee. Chat with a cute bank teller while she’s handling
business for you. Ask a woman for her opinion on a cologne or article of
clothing you’re considering buying when you’re shopping at the
department store. The whole goal is to get comfortable talking to women
you don’t know. When you do this, take mental notes on what works and
what doesn’t. It’s not enough to make a note on what doesn’t work for
the sake of avoiding repeating the mistake; it’s even more important to
make notes on what does work so that you can repeat it and fine-tune it.
For some reason a lot of guys make a joke or tell a story that works
brilliantly in a conversation, pat themselves on the back for it, and forget
to ever repeat that joke or story again. Don’t fall into that trap.
When you do these daily conversations in the beginning you’re just
aiming to get used to the banter and to reduce the anxiety you get from
having conversations with women. Women’s defenses tend to be down
more in these casual daytime situations than they are in a bar or nightclub
where they are more guarded due to being hit on incessantly, so you’ll
experience less rejection and more responsiveness than you would in a
nightspot. With these drills, you don’t have to get a number or pick a
woman up. The point is to get comfortable starting conversations with
women and to get comfortable with the occasional rejection. In fact, the
more you get rejected, the more you realize that it won’t kill you and that
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it’s not the end of the world. And that alone is important. Then you’ll
want to get used to observing and interpreting body language. Then you
need to focus on using your body language to convey the alpha male
impression you want to convey. Once you get used to doing your daily
daytime drills and getting comfortable starting and maintaining
conversations with women, you’ll see your bar or nightclub game
improve dramatically.
Nightlife Comfort
Since this article is supposed to be about building comfort, I’m not going
to focus on openers and how to start conversations with women. There
are plenty of other articles out there about that. I’m going to focus on
how to build comfort with a woman once you’re already in conversation
with her.
First, never sound desperate to please. Be cocky, be playful, and tease her
like she’s your little sister. Make her laugh, but never at your own
expense. Don’t use self-deprecating humor. Avoid it at all costs. There is
one exception to the self-deprecating humor rule: you can use selfdeprecating humor if it’s blatantly insincere and actually points out one of
your strengths: for example, if you have an athletic, muscular physique,
you can joke about what a 95 lb. weakling you are. It works great because
(a) it’s genuinely funny when done right and (b) it points out one of your
strengths yet comes off less obnoxious and approval-seeking than
outright bragging. But outside of that exception, avoid self-deprecation
or anything that lowers your status.
Second, don’t apologize for who you are and don’t be afraid to offend,
because both those tendencies are obstacles to building comfort. When
many guys come across a pretty woman, the anxiety kicks in and they
start getting flustered easily. Then they start over apologizing. A woman
busts their balls a little bit and they backtrack or apologize immediately.
They are so afraid of not getting her approval that they almost beg for it.
Don’t do it. Don’t apologize. Stick to your guns. Of course use your
discretion; if you step on her foot or spill a drink on her, then you should
apologize. Apologizing for your actions is the right thing to do under
some circumstances. Apologizing for who you are and what you believe
however is a no-no.
I’ll give an example of this. A friend of mine, Beethoven, recently
approached two women at a bar. The conversation started out well
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enough, but at some point one of the girls asked Beethoven what he and
his friends were discussing earlier. Beethoven responded “We were just
discussing how many fat girls there are here tonight.” His target’s jaw
dropped and she was absolutely mortified. She said “That’s not very
nice” and seemed disgusted. But Beethoven stuck to his guns, didn’t
backtrack and didn’t apologize. He just looked her up and down and said
“Whatever, why does it bother you? It’s not like you have anything to
worry about looking the way you do” and just kept going with the
conversation. If he apologized, instead of making the situation better, it
would have just highlighted the awkwardness, which would have made
her uncomfortable, and even worse, put her in a position of dominance,
which would make her lose respect for him. Not only did he turn that
potential negative into a positive, he ended up hooking up with her.
Women do not respect a man they can easily dominate or make
uncomfortable, and if they do not respect you, they will feel
uncomfortable around you. By never sounding desperate to please and
never apologizing for who you are, you earn their respect and set the
foundation for building more comfort.
Third, know when to stop negging and teasing so much. Sometimes
when guys get really good at the negging and teasing and see the initial
results it gets them, they go overboard and do it for too long. And then it
goes from being cute and charming to just smug, annoying and dickish.
Once you start winning a woman over and she is warming up to you, she
is going to want to start getting to know you and building rapport with
you. If you just keep negging and teasing at the same level you were when
you first started building comfort with her, you risk coming off as a real
obnoxious prick. You should keep playful tone and never stop teasing
totally, but you do want to dial it down as you build more and more
rapport with the girl. And you never, ever want to tease a girl about a
topic related to her core values. If she’s heavily into church, don’t mock
religion. If she is passionate about fashion and works in the field, don’t
mock her chosen field as frivolous or stupid. If she’s passionate about
politics and is involved in certain causes, don’t tease or playfully insult
her favorite cause or ideology. Good rule of thumb is to be careful about
negging about political stances, chosen careers and religious beliefs, as
these tend to represent a person’s core values and insulting these, even
playfully, often does more harm than good
Fourth, move around from place to place, even if it’s within the bar or
club. For some reason, changing locations gives the psychological
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impression that you are spending more time together and bonding more.
The more locations a woman associates with you, the more time she feels
like she’s spent with you and the more comfortable she feels. It’s an
illusion, really, but it works. For example, if within a bar, lead her to a
spot at the bar and order drinks. Take her to another end of the bar and
introduce her to some your friends. 10 minutes later take her to some
couches to sit down. If you know how to dance, take her to the dance
floor later. Then go to another part of the bar. As with anything, don’t
overdo it. You don’t want to come off as hyperactive and spastic and
moving around every 30 seconds. Moving around from venue to venue
also helps build comfort, such as going from one bar to a second bar to
lounge to a diner…bouncing around like that gives the psychological
impression to a girl that she’s just spent three or four mini-dates with you
and she’ll feel more comfort with you than if you spent that exact same
amount of time talking to her rooted to one spot.
Fifth, make sure to touch her whenever you can. In the pickup
community they call it “Kino,” but it’s something my friend and I always
made sure to do before we ever knew what it was called. A conversation
will get stale quickly and turn into the foundation for a friend zone
relationship if you never touch her during the conversation. Light, playful
touching conveys sexual interest and builds attraction and sexual tension,
which are very important when building comfort. If you build comfort
without building attraction at the same time, you’ve just guaranteed
yourself a place in the friend zone. I’m not going to go into the specifics
of playful touching here, but you can find tons of Kino-related articles by
Bobby and Mike right here on the TSB Magazine I’m sure. Getting the
balance of touching just right so that you don’t come off either too timid
or too aggressive takes some trial and error, but it’s not that hard.
Sixth, while it’s cool to playfully bring up sex, do not dwell too deeply
into conversation about ex's (hers or yours) and specific approaches
toward sex. These things can backfire too easily if you don’t know what
you’re doing. With ex-es, it can end up being a light, harmless
conversation. But there’s also the risk that she may end up talking about
him at length and getting nostalgic about him and talking about how
much she still loves him, and suddenly the attraction mood is dead and
you’re on the road to becoming her emotional tampon as she drones on
and on about how much feelings she has for him. Or on the flip side, she
may have a lot of unresolved anger toward him, may start venting and
getting worked up and then start transferring her issues with her ex
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specifically and men in general toward the next closest male target, who
in this case would be you. I made this mistake with a woman once;
thinking that making her talk about her shitty ex would be a great way to
sell myself as a positive alternative. Instead I spent the night fielding
angry questions about why guys cheat; why guys fear commitment, why
guys hurt women…I ended up being her convenient target for everything
she hated about men. Needless to say, it wasn’t a great comfort-building
conversation.
And regarding bringing up specific approaches toward sex, here’s an
example of how that can backfire. Unlike men, women’s attitudes change
wildly with their emotional states. With men, to change their minds you
must change their logic. With women, to change their minds you must
change their emotions. If a woman hasn’t built much attraction and
comfort with you yet and you ask her what her attitude is about how
soon is too soon to have sex, you’ll get a totally different answer than you
would if you asked her that same question later on when you have her on
an emotional high. By asking her such a specific sexual questions too
early before she’s built comfort and rapport with you, she’ll be very
cognizant about coming off like a slut to a guy she barely knows and may
say something like “I don’t have sex with a guy until three or four
months of dating, and I have to get to know him very well first.” Now
that you’ve made her explicitly give a sexual timetable, it’s going to
mentally psyche you out and make you behave less aggressively in your
comfort building. You’ll start believing you have no shot of building
much comfort anytime soon. And on her end, now that she’s verbally
committed to that, even if she gets insanely attracted and comfortable
with you later in that same conversation, she’s going to feel obligated to
stick to her original conservative statement for fear of looking like a
hypocrite or liar. Meanwhile, if you never asked about sex at all things
could have happened much more spontaneously.
As I mentioned before, this isn’t an exhaustive list when it comes to
building comfort, but I think it’s a pretty good foundation. Hope it helps
some of you out there.
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Day 10
Being Funnier – Make it fun!
Written by Barry Kirkey
Originally Published: 06/24/2008
Every woman likes a positive man, and often, positivity takes the form of
a good sense of humor. The problem with giving anyone advice about
how to become funnier, is that humor is universally subjective. Meaning,
every culture, sub-culture or individual decides what is funny on their
own. Yeah there are exceptions, people can be told by popular media
what they think is funny, but you’re not one of those people because
you’re reading this article.
Here are some things you can do to become funnier, in chronological
order:
First, find out what you like. A sense of humor is as unique as your own
DNA (simile). They are usually a complex combination of joke types,
body language, interest in shows/movies, and so forth. This step should
normally be a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised at how so many people
dislike comedy.
Once you find out what you like, expose yourself to it. Watch those
shows and movies that you love. Watch them alone or with friends and
family. Learn how to laugh out loud when you watch them, even if you’re
by yourself. I would caution you, however, not to “force it down,”
meaning if you’re not in the mood to watch a comedy show (sitcoms, late
night, etc.) then don’t watch it. If you have the problem of never being in
the mood then you need to find out why this is the case.
Note:
If you’re never in the mood to laugh, you may have other issues that are keeping you
down. I suggest you speak to a psychologist, doctor or other professional that can
determine why your mood is always down. You might be surprised to learn about what
prevents you from doing what you love. This can be something as serious as depression
or anxiety. However, it can also mean that you’re still, subconsciously, dealing with
unresolved matters in your life (such as, a fight with your dad 6 months ago and you
haven’t talked to him since).
After enough exposure, you’re ready to take it to the field. Try to avoid
copying other jokes directly – those Borat impressions are no longer
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funny, so don’t do them. Unless you’re a naturally funny guy – then you
can get away with it, but that’s a whole different article. If you must copy,
use a variation of what you’ve learned instead. For example, if you want
to do a Seinfeld joke, don’t just start quoting the show. Do your worst
and most annoying Seinfeld voice and exaggerate a Seinfeld-type joke as
much as you can. Make it ridiculous and unexpected.
While all this is going, laugh at your own jokes. Laugh as much as you
can and absorb the criticism of others by laughing even more. Here’s
why: Laughing is infectious. The more you laugh, the more others around
you are likely to laugh as well.
Not only that, but let’s consider the whole theory of conditioning by
association. If you’re consistently around the same people, doing jokes
often, and laughing often, people will associate you with laughter. When
this happens, you’ve won the game – you’re known as “the funny guy.”
“But Mr. fuckface (me)! How do I use this to get girls!?”
Just by statistics, most people end up in quality relationships through
other people that you already know (i.e., in the office, friend of a friend
or family member). So you get the immediate benefit of being “the
funny” guy in your own social circle that way.
“But Mr. faggittface (me)! What about girls you don’t know?!”
Okay, that’s definitely more difficult, but not impossible. With cold
approaches, first impressions are the only thing you have, so make it
count. Start off with the best jokes you have, make sure you laugh and
you smile. If she looks down on you, make a friendly insult, “wow –
someone dropped their funny basket in the toilet today!” and walk on to
the next person.
If you end up forced into a situation with someone who doesn’t respect
your humor then this is particularly challenging, because you can
potentially make an enemy without knowing it. Similar to what happened
with Darth Vador, it’s difficult to turn someone from being your enemy
to your friend, but not impossible. I won’t go into this situation now,
because that is a discussion for those who are already polished and
comfortable with their own sense of humor…
Dun dun dun! Anal.
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Day 11
Mastering the Art of Push-Pull and Cocky-Funny
Written by The Asian Rake
Originally Published: 06/25/2008
Do You Want Faster and More Powerful Seductions? How the 80/20 Principle
applies to Push-Pull and Cocky-Funny?
We’ve all heard about the 80/20 principle first developed by Vilfredo
Pareto in the context of the distribution of income and wealth. My
experience and observations have shown that the 80/20 rule applies just
as well to push-pull and cocky-funny.
After closely observing naturals who are masters at crazily rapid
escalations and seductions, and after a lot of discussions with PUAs who
have really tight game, I’ve discovered an important enhancement to the
simplistic push-pull and cocky-funny concepts. This small bit of finetuning can shave a lot of time off your seductions and create much
stronger, closer emotional connections.
Here’s my thesis statement (yes, I’m an academic, lol): If you want to
seduce a woman faster and have her more powerfully attracted to you,
the optimal mix for a man who already has his fundamentals down (his
body language, tonality, and basic inner game) and is interacting with a
confident and attractive woman is 80% pull, 20% push.
I’m not going to be too strict about the numbers. But more accurately,
the optimal combination depends on how good the man’s fundamentals
are and how confident the woman is. It’s a continuum with the upper
end of the continuum being 80-20 pull-push.
My experience has also been that pull-push is best mixed with humor.
Plus, the pull and the push are opposite manifestations of cockiness.
With push, you are cocky enough to think that you are too good for the
girl, so you push her away. With pull, you are cocky enough to think that
you are irresistible to her and to women in general, and you want her, so
you pull her in.
Although there is plenty to say about this combination of push-pull and
cocky-funny, I’ll leave that to another article. My focus here is on the
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80/20 principle applied to the push-pull dynamic. I’ll assume here that
it’s obvious that push-pull is closely connected to cocky-funny.
For the classic book on push-pull, see Swingcat’s ebook, Real World
Seduction. For cocky-funny, the best authority is David DeAngelo.
Check out his ebook, Double Your Dating, and his DVD series, Cocky
Comedy. I assume at least familiarity with push-pull and cocky-funny as
described in these resources. Christian Hudson and Nick Sparks over at
The Social Man are about to release a product that incorporates all the
concepts in Swingcat and David D.’s books and then takes it all to
another level. Watch at their site for the release. We’re good friends, so
I’m a little biased, but you can go over there and check it out for yourself:
What I say here is NOT for absolute newbie's, who don’t yet have their
fundamentals down (body language, tonality, and basic inner game). If
you still don’t know what good BL&T looks, sounds, and feels like, stop
reading this and figure that out first.
My point here applies to elite game. It’s for guys who want to know what
it’s like to live in the top 10%, or higher, of men in this world. That’s not
to say this is advanced. It’s just not for beginners.
A quickie definition of push-pull straight from the pen of Swingcat:
“Push-Pull is whenever you emotionally push a woman away from you
and, then, emotionally pull her back in. Each Push creates an emotional
space for each Pull.” We’ll be filling this out as we go along.
Now let’s unpack the thesis statement.
While you can succeed using almost any combination of push and pull
(e.g., 80% push-20% pull, 50% push-50% pull), the combination that will
generate the fastest seductions and most powerful connections is 80-20
pull-push or in other words, 80% pull-20% push. This is true only if the
following also hold:
a. The man has good fundamentals (good body language, tonality, tight
inner game and is hence non-needy, etc.). This also applies if he is
physically attractive or is perceived by the woman to have high social
value.
b. The woman is unusually attractive in the man’s eyes, and she is
confident about her value and attractiveness. This relates to Believability.
She needs to be able to be confident enough in her self-worth to accept
your advances.
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If both those elements are in place, then the fastest and most powerful
route to sex is a mix of 80% pull-20% push.
[CAVEAT: If the man only has average fundamentals and the woman is
only of average confidence in her own attractiveness and value, then the
optimal mix is further down the continuum and closer to 50-50 pushpull.
This is because pulling a woman closer to you emotionally is only
effective when you already have a basic level of attraction from the
woman. Of course, we all know that this kind of attraction is largely
independent of one’s physical appearance. Over 90% of this kind of
attraction is attributable to body language and tonality alone. That’s why I
call these the fundamentals. Your attitude and outlook are also crucial to
pulling off the right BL&T, so I include inner game as a factor for the
sake of completeness.]
Pushing a woman away is effective when a woman looks at you and
doesn’t expect you to be cocky. It throws her off and is hence funny.
It’s like when a precocious child talks like an adult, using mature and
sophisticated vocabulary, sentence structure, etc. It’s unexpected and
incongruent with the kid’s image, and hence, kind of funny, and if done
right, it’s admirable.
Now imagine a 50 year old, sophisticated-looking man talking the same
way. It’s not funny anymore. It’s just normal and expected.
Similarly, when a below average looking guy uses a lot of push cockyfunny, talking as if he’s too good for her and using humorous sarcasm,
it’s attractive because the woman begins to wonder, “How can this guy
be so cocky? He must have something going for him that I can’t see yet.
I’m interested.” And because it’s done in a comedic way, she’s not
offended, but rather, intrigued.
Now if a guy who has his fundamentals down (good BL&T), a goodlooking guy, or a guy perceived to have high value starts to push her away
emotionally, she’s not intrigued. Why? Because it’s obvious why this guy
is so cocky. He’s good-looking, high-value, or has an attractive
personality. It’s not funny anymore because it’s expected and congruent
with his image. He just comes across cocky. For a guy like this to use
cocky-funny, he has to really emphasize the humor and really cut down
on the cocky part.
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Most people overlook the fact that David D. himself acknowledged this
in one of his newsletters:
"If you’re a pretty good looking guy, you might turn down the cocky, and
turn up the funny. Women perceive good-looking guys who act cocky as
MAJOR PLAYERS, and too much cocky too soon can backfire on you.”
More accurately, this isn’t just true for guys who are good-looking. If
your fundamentals are strong, or you’re perceived as high-value, then it
applies just as well to you.
It’s the push dynamic that makes these high-value or good-looking guys
come across as too unattainable. For guys like this, it’s best to use the
pull dynamic more often and save the push dynamic for that 20% of
dramatic contrast.
And obviously, when a guy with good fundamentals, attractive
appearance, or high social value is perceived as a “major player,” it is very
bad for his Believability.
You can do it the opposite way, of course. You can do mainly push and
just a little pull, like 80% push and 20% pull. Or you can be very cocky
and only a little funny. Sure, you can get success that way, too.
But for the most part, if your fundamentals are already strong, then:
1) You can get much faster seductions by pulling her in more often than
you can by pushing her away.
2) You can get the girl to feel a deeper emotional bond with you by
pulling more often than pushing.
Here’s why:
1. If your fundamentals are good, then you will be a relatively
DOMINANT, powerful, and confident man. Hence, girls (and most
people in general) will naturally feel like following your lead. So when you
tell a girl to sit down, she will feel a strong social and emotional pull to sit
down. When you’re emotionally pulling a girl in by telling her to kiss you,
she will have to work extra hard to resist. Most girls like a strong,
dominant, powerful, confident guy, and many girls have the fantasy of
“being taken” by such a man. Any resistance they give to such a man is
just token.
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Thus, if you already have good fundamentals (BL&T and basic inner
game), and you want to shave massive amounts of time off your
seductions, you’re better off pulling the girl in more frequently than
pushing her away because the chances are good she will give in more
often than not.
Ah, but Asian Rake, when you push a girl away, doesn’t she want to pull
you in? Isn’t that the whole point of pushing her away? So you can get
her to chase you?
Yes, to a certain extent, this is true. That’s why you SHOULD STILL
PUSH. That’s the all-important 20%. In fact, by pulling most of the time,
when you do finally push her away, it’ll feel that much more powerful to
her.
If you’re a dominant guy, girls will feel pressure to follow your orders,
and unless she’s very dominant herself, chances are good that she will
NOT pull you in return every time you push her away. Chances are good
that if you are a dominant man, when you push her further away, she will
follow your lead and remain further away.
Assuming the pushes and pulls are of about equal emotional intensity
(that’s one variable I’m leaving out here), if you PULL more often than
not, she might resist you at first, but then because you’re dominant, she’ll
follow your lead and move closer to you emotionally and physically. If
you PUSH more often than not, she might resist you at first, but then
because you’re a dominant guy, she’ll follow your lead and move further
away from you emotionally and physically.
Sure you can generate attraction with most combinations of push-pull.
But what’s faster to sex? When she’s emotionally and physically closer to
you, or when she’s emotionally and physically farther from you? It should
be obvious.
This is how the best naturals I’ve seen get bathroom lays in less than 15
minutes.
It’s pull-pull-pull-pull-PUSH-pull-pull-pull-PUSH-pull-pull-pull to the
bathroom.
2. By pulling more often than pushing, you can also create the deep
emotional connections much faster.
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If you’re continually pushing her away emotionally, however, how can
she possibly feel an emotional connection? This should be obvious. A far
more efficient way to develop emotional connections is to pull her in
emotionally.
One very effective kind of pull technique is in conjunction with screening
and qualifying. If your Believability game is good then every qualification
is actually a pull.
For instance, “Wow, you are really adventurous, I like that,” said in
response to her little adventure story, is a great example of a pull.
When you stack enough of these, she’ll feel like you really appreciate her
for her unique qualities. She’ll be saying to herself, “Wow, this guy really,
truly, sincerely likes me for my special qualities.” And of course, she’ll
want to open herself up and continue connecting with you.
Btw, this is also a key technique for creating the kind of emotional
connections that will get girls to fall in love with you FAST. There are
others, of course, like sharing secrets and using childhood regression, but
this is one of the easiest to do.
Now let’s add the COCKY-FUNNY into the mix.
What exactly do I mean by Push Cocky-Funny vs. Pull Cocky-Funny?
Once again, probably the best way to illustrate what I mean is through
examples.
PUSH COCKY-FUNNY
The prime proponent of this is David D. Let’s first talk about the internal
mindset behind Push Cocky-Funny. David D. helpfully lays it all out in
his Double Your Dating:
I’m going to play hard to get, make fun of her, be indifferent towards
her, and generally bust her balls as much as possible. I know that she
loves a guy that is so sarcastic that it makes her nervous, so I’m going to
really keep the heat on… and when she starts to show any interest at all
on the outside, I’m going to blow her off and make her prove to me that
she wants me… so I can reject her again.
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You notice that with this mindset, you’ll be pushing her away a lot more
than you’ll be pulling her in. David D. follows this up with some now
classic examples:
I do crazy things, like if I’m standing next to a girl at a bar, I’ll turn to her
and say in a completely serious voice, “Will you PLEASE stop touching
me?” And then look them right in the eye.
Or say, “What are you doing at a bar for god sakes? Can’t you find a nice
normal guy? Or are you desperate?” All with a completely straight face.
I could go on forever, but you’re better off reading his eBook or
watching his DVD series Cocky Comedy. Wow, I never thought I’d be
plugging David D.’s materials, as if he needs to sell any more. LOL.
When most guys think “cocky-funny,” they’re thinking this kind of
cocky-funny, which is what I call, “Push Cocky-Funny.”
PULL COCKY-FUNNY
This is my default style of cocky-funny, so I’ll give you one of my own
examples.
I learned from a natural friend that this sort of thing is best done when
you’re a bit over the top or dramatically exaggerated in what you say and
in your facial expressions, tonality, and body language.
This took place near the coat check of a huge nightclub, which is just
about the only place in the club where you can talk without speaking
right into her ear. A super cute, long-haired beauty walks by, and I jump
in front of her with my hands slightly extended in front of my chest in a
“stopping” motion with my palms out.
Me: OMG! (Then, with a sigh and a love-sick puppy dog look, I say after
lowering my hands) I’m in love with you… Give me your number. (Pull
#1)
HB (shocked): Huh? Are you crazy? Why?
Me (with an incredulous look on my face): Why? I mean, just look at you.
You’re driving me crazy. It should be a crime for you to walk in public.
(Pull #2)
HB (breaking out laughing): Where are you from?
Me: From? It doesn’t matter. I want your number. (Pull #3)
HB (laughing): No way. First tell me where you’re from.
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Me: Okay, … guess.
HB: Um, China?
Me: Pretty close… (Taking a step closer to her so that we’re inches apart,
I say in a quieter tone,) You know, you’re making me really nervous. My
hands are all cold and sweaty. Here, feel. (Then, I take her hand in mine).
(Pull #4)
HB (laughing): You’re not nervous.
Me (throwing off her hand and looking shocked): Are you calling me a
liar? I’ve just confessed my deep dark love for you, and now you’re
calling me a liar? That’s it. We’re getting a divorce… But I’m keeping the
DVDs. You can have the dog. (Push #1)
HB laughed.
I said nothing and continued looking fake-mad.
HB said (with a smile): “Okay, bye,” and started walking off.
Me (stepping out in front of her again and knowing that she’s just teasing
and wants me to chase her): No, wait. You can’t go. I’ll be so sad… I’m
going to go home and cry now (and then I slumped my shoulders as if
completely sad and depressed). (Pull #5)
HB laughed.
Me (perking up and letting out a sly smile): Okay, give me your number.
HB (laughs): Okay.
We talked a little bit more, and then I let her go back to her friends.
I texted her about an hour later, and she texted back, asking what I was
doing tomorrow… But that’s for another LR.
Notice the push-pull ratio here. That was 5 pulls to 1 push. The one push
came after 4 pulls. In fact, I don’t even think that push was necessary.
This sort of Pull Cocky-Funny can get you super fast make outs and, as
my natural friends have shown, club bathroom sex. For an example of a
fast make out, see the LR that features my first encounter with NaturalMD:. There are many other tales to recount about naturals such as him,
some of which you can find elsewhere on my site and some of which I
might write about in the future. You’ll have to check back for those.
Another great example comes from Zan. Among the community oldtimers, Zan is probably the best representative of this kind of cockyfunny. If you haven’t read any of his materials yet, check the mASF
archives or google, “enlightened seduction.”
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There are so many possibilities to choose from, but this conversation of
his has stuck in my mind for a while now:
ZAN: Come out with me for a drink tonight. I will pick you up at 7.
HER: I can’t. My boyfriend wouldn’t like it.
ZAN: Oh hey, I understand… let’s make it 8 then.
I never, ever worry about a woman’s resistance to me. If she says she is
not interested and leaves, no problem. But if I ever see her again, I
immediately go up to her, smile and wink, and pick up right where I left
off. As if she had never resisted me in the first place. In other words, her
boyfriend objections (or whatever) mean nothing to me.
ZAN: (big smile) Hello, sweetie. Did you miss me?
HER: Hardly.
ZAN: I want to see you. Tell me your number and I’ll remember it.
HER: No! I told you last time I have a boyfriend.
ZAN: Oh, so you’re still seeing Norman?
HER: Uh… his name’s not Norman.
ZAN: (smile, wink) Really? That’s very interesting. I have two bottles of
champagne at home.
HER: No thanks.
ZAN: One to drink and one to pour all over your body…
HER: You never give up, do you?
ZAN: Of course not! Wouldn’t be the same if I did, would it?
HER (laughing) No, I suppose not…
I find this whole exchange completely charming and hilarious. Zan pulls
her in about seven times. Just about everything he says is a pull.
He’s cocky because he believes that she’d be crazy to turn him down. So
her objections don’t even register with him. This is the ideal kind of
frame to be operating from when doing Pull Cocky-Funny.
So there you have it. Push Cocky-Funny vs. Pull Cocky-Funny. Both can
work. But if you have good fundamentals (body language, tonality, and
basic inner game), or you’re good-looking, or you have high perceived
social value, and you are interacting with a confident and attractive
woman, then you can get faster seductions and make deeper connections
by doing more Pull than Push, around 80%-20% is ideal. And keep it all
funny.
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Day 12
Body Language 101
Written by Bobby Rio
Originally Published:06/26/2008
The first thing you need to accept about your body language is that right
now you’re probably completely unaware of the mistakes that you are
making. For me, it took watching myself on video a few times to really
appreciate how many mistakes I was actually making.
The first part of this lesson I want to make you aware of the different
ways you are conveying low status. Hopefully by being consciously aware
of these mistakes you can catch yourself in the act, and quickly correct
them. By taking the time to first break any of these bad habits you may
have, you will be making it possible to accept the new habits I will talk
about later.
Body Language mistakes
1. Slouching Over. Slouching over is a way of keeping a low profile.
Subconsciously people slouch because they are timid and don’t want
attention on them. It portrays an image that you are socially awkward and
unable to properly socialize. People try to blend in with the crowd by
slumping their shoulders, bowing their heads, and taking up as little space
as possible.
2. Avoiding Eye Contact. Less confident people tend to look down a
lot. They do this because it is a way of avoiding making a connection
with someone. They are afraid that if they catch eye contact with
someone they will be forced to talk or smile or do something else beyond
their comfort zone. By avoiding eye contact with people not only are you
giving off a low status vibe, but you’re missing out on opportunities to
connect with other human beings.
3. Touching Your Face, Fiddling with Things. When people feel
insecure or nervous they start to have trouble sitting still. Their insecurity
eats away at them and they feel forced to constantly be moving their
hands. Some people will rub their chin or neck, other people with run
their hand through their hair, others will juggle the loose change in their
pocket. Doing any of these things immediately screams that you are not
comfortable in your present situation.
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4. Holding Your Face up with Your Hand. This displays the image
that you’re too bored or tired to bother holding up your head straight. It
displays a lack of enthusiasm and energy towards life. These are not the
kind of people other people want to interact with... as they appear to
have nothing to offer. It can also give off the impression that you’re
uncomfortable with the way you look and are trying to hide your face.
5. Leaning Forward to Talk to Someone. A quick glance around a
room can tell you which guys are going to succeed with the women they
are talking to, and which guys will fail. The successful guys are usually
relaxed leaning away from the girl, causing her to move toward him. The
unsuccessful guys are the ones bent over leaning forward. If you think
she can’t hear you… talk louder.
Body Language Habits of the Alpha Male
This second part of this lesson is designed to improve your body
language and replace the negative habits you may have been displaying.
Habit 1: Make it a practice to hold eye contact with everyone that you
meet. While doing the talking you should be holding eye contact for the
majority of the time. If someone else is talking to you, hold eye contact
about 50% of the time. If you’re talking to a group of people switch eye
contact up between the different members of the group… but always be
holding it with someone.
Habit 2: Get in the habit of walking around with your head up and your
neck straight. In the beginning you will need to constantly be checking
yourself. Create a little game with yourself to remind yourself to pay
attention to your posture. Tell your friends to point this out to you.
Habit 3: Keep your muscles relaxed. This is especially true of your facial
muscles. When we tend to get nervous we tense up in the jaw. You need
to keep your face free of this stress.
Habit 4: Smile often. If you don’t have a naturally attractive smile than
you should practice in front of a mirror. A smile displays a positive
energy that is infectious.
Habit 5: Push your chest out a bit and pull your shoulders back. The
idea is to take up some space. This is another habit you will have to
check often to avoid falling back into the old habit of slouching.
Habit 6: You should keep your feet about as far apart as your shoulders.
Habit 7: Take up space when you sit. Spread yourself out a bit. Don’t
slouch and look sloppy, but don’t be afraid to get comfortable.
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Habit 8: Walk with confidence and power. This means your head should
be high, neck up, chest puffed out a bit, shoulders back, and take big
slow steps. Try never to appear to be in a hurry or flustered. Also walk
with direction. This is especially true when walking through a bar… you
never want to give off the vibe that you’re looking for the cool place to
be. You want to give off the vibe that you know where it is and already
are heading there.
Habit 9: Avoid making sudden hyper gestures. Every gesture you make
should flow naturally at the same speed as your previous gestures.
Habit 10: Use hand gestures when telling a story. When talking to
someone avoid clutching on to your beer or putting your hands in your
pocket.
The trick to pulling all these habits together is to use slow calculated
gestures. If you’re giving a girl a once over, do it slowly like it doesn’t
embarrass you that she noticed. If you’re grabbing a drink off the bar
take it at a speed that says “I’m in no hurry.” Try learning how to turn
your head slowly, how to blink slowly, how to change facial expressions
slowly… and how to gesture slowly. This kind of body language
transmits the message: “I’m so comfortable in my own skin, it hurts”.
On the subject of body language… voice tone is insanely important.
While technically it isn’t body language, all the same rules apply to it.
Most people speak with weak, squeaky voices that convey the message:
“I’m not confident… I have no self esteem”.
If you want to attract beautiful women, you’re going to need to take a
few lessons from Barry White. Learn how to speak with a deeper voice.
Learn to speak from down in your chest and stomach. Add more bass to
your voice.
Also, learn how to speak slower… and how to articulate every word
better. Become comfortable pausing… it creates anticipation. Most guys
talk too much, too fast, and feel like they need to talk because they’re
nervous. Don’t do it! Learn to lean back, relax, and become comfortable
with the tension that comes from silence.
Body language and voice tone habits are not easy to change. It takes time
and determination to break a bad habit and replace it with a new one. But
if you implement these habits over rest of these 31 days you will find that
eventually it will become natural to you.
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If you work on using your BODY AND VOICE to communicate that
you’re a confident, sexually aware alpha male, then all the techniques
you’re learning will work TEN times better.
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Day 13
Building your Social Circle
http://www.tsbmag.com/2008/06/28/building-your-social-circleday-13/
Or search for “Building Your Social Circle” on TSBMAG.com
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Day 14
How to Properly Tease a Woman
Written by Brad Howard
Originally Published: 06/30/2008
Before I start, let me just say that this article is NOT going to be some
PROFOUND, complicated, piece of work that I’m trying to make sound
more insightful than it probably is…
It seems that everyone is doing that nowadays and I think that the
message that people are trying to convey is getting lost in the fray.
That being said, here are the MOST important “things” that if you get
down that will make the most impact in your dating/relationship life…
bar none.
They are:
The Opinion Opener
Teasing
Your Look (clothes, hair)
Your Body (best inner game changer… EVER!)
If you can get these 4 aspects of your “game” down… you’ll CRUSH
most men.
So… with that aside… let's get to it… let's talk a little about my way of
teasing women… and how it sparks sexual tension.
(Note: I DO NOT do this for a living. I’m not out at bars testing out
my latest and greatest “teasing” method… nor do I really expect YOU to
be. This is just a collection of what I KNOW to be true from my
personal life, and the interactions I’ve have with guys that aren’t having
any problems in the “woman” department.)
First and foremost, the whole point of teasing is to create a fun
environment where women can loosen up and open up to you.
Teasing is also a great way to shake someone out of a funk, or get them
to see that whatever’s going on it their life really isn’t that bad at all.
I don’t view it as a way to “pull” a woman down to your level.
In fact, no matter how good looking she is I find that if you’re pulling
YOURSELF down to HER level… you’ll find better success.
Here’s what I mean:
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I like to use self depreciating humor to set up teasing.
For instance, if you come from a place of strength, and ask a woman “I
need your opinion on something… and be BRUTAL… what do you
think of these shoes, I just picked ‘em up and I always seem to screw this
up… ha-ha”.
If you’re playful, she’s likely to be playful back.
To which you could say something like, “Ah ha! I KNEW you were
some type of shoe guru. Where did you get your special talent (smile)?”
And that’s just for opening someone up.
Teasing works BEST with women that you already know… or that
you’ve just met through a circle of friends (especially if you have a bit of
notoriety amongst the group for being a fun guy).
Here’s the thing about teasing though, that I DON’T condone.
It might work for some, but I don’t usually use it.
Don’t use teasing to “knock” a woman down.
For instance, you might hear someone tell you to say, “You know,
everything is working for you tonight EXCEPT those shoes… where did
you get those?”
Is there a way to say this so that it works? Absolutely.
Would I RECOMMEND that you try it if you’re a rookie at the whole
“teasing” game?
Um… HELL NO!
And here’s why.
A woman’s ego is like a glass house and teasing in this way COULD be
like throwing a ROCK into it.
She feels uncomfortable now… and the conversation takes a negative
tone.
The WHOLE POINT of teasing is to make the woman FEEL GOOD
by being around you.
It’s meant to be fun.
“Setting up TEASE BAIT”
Teasing is no fun if only one person is doing it. So, many times, I’ll
throw out some self-depreciating humor as BAIT to get the ball rolling.
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(The KEY to self-depreciating humor is that although you’re a strong,
confident guy… you don’t take yourself so seriously)
So maybe I’ll tell a fun story that people can laugh at (like the time I
locked myself out of my hotel room NAKED and had to walk down to
the desk NAKED to get another key) and then ACCUSE people of
having similar stories, but they are just too scared to tell anyone about
them.
This works REALLY well. On closer look, the reason this works is
because people (women) can see how SECURE you are with yourself
because MOST men would NEVER tell a story in which THEY were
the one being made fun of.
Again, POWERFUL STUFF here. I use this ALL the time.
“The Accusation Tease”
This one is FUN.
Basically, all you’re doing is ACCUSING the other person of trying to do
something that YOU want to happen.
Let’s say that you want to ask a person out on a date (bland, yeah I
know… ha-ha).
So you say:
“Yeah, yeah, I get it… Look, if you wanna ask me out, just say so. You
don’t have to keep beating around the bush. Who knows, if you get on
one knee and smile really pretty… I MIGHT even say yes…”
Her: “I AM NOT!”
You: “It’s okay, really… it won’t make you a lesser person (smile).
Her: “(maybe changing subject)”
You: (laughing) “You can change the subject if you want, but just
remember that I KNOW (point to head), what you’re up to…You may
continue… (smile, wink)
This also works well if you want to take it to a sexual level.
You: “Whoa, Nelly… I know you’re just trying to get me drunk so you
can take me home and do dirty things to me. (smile)
Her: “Whatever, I am not”
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You: “Man, why is it that every woman thinks that she can buy you a
drink and then try to get in your pants. Here’s a hint, Missy… (whisper)
it’s gonna take more than one (smile)
Guys, keep in mind that these ARE NOT serious conversations. They
are tongue in check and playful.
Using the accusation tease is a SURE way to get her to give you a “love
tap”… or punch on the arm… or a light shove.
To which you can reply:
“Dang, feeling me up already and we just got here… geez…”
“The Frame-Banging Tease”
Okay, I couldn’t think of a better term for this but here’s the gist of it.
Say your woman, or even a woman that you just met has had a really
rotten day… but you want some sex… because, well, you’re a guy and
that’s what guys want.
Here’s what you do:
Her: “Man, I’ve had such a shitty day… (blah, blah, this is what
happened)”
You: (Smiling) “Wow, I never expected YOU to let
(someone/something) get under your skin like this. What would you do
if I lost my hair all of the sudden, would that mean you wouldn’t hang
out any more? I TOTALLY expected more out of you.”
(You’re doing this to show her that it’s CRAZINESS for her to feel like
she’s feeling… naturally, we can go on and on with this but I hope you
get my drift.)
If she doesn’t snap out of her funk with this, we now have to employ our
most SECRET WEAPON…
“The Tickle Tease”
NOTHING changes the tone of a conversation faster than some “good
ole” tickling.
Start slow at first. Like a little bit.
You: (Smiling) “Are you going to get in a better mood… huh… are you?
Her: “Stop it!”
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You: (tickling) “Are you in a better mood yet? Tell me I’m the greatest
ever… who’s your buddy… who’s your pal… (okay, so I stole that from
“Stripes”… shoot me)
Then you just start kissing and BLAMMO!
Bumming Monkeys Time.
Wow, I can’t believe I just said BLAMMO… ha-ha
(The above statement is a great example of self depreciating humor, by
the way)
“Physical Teasing”
Before I end this, because I could literally go on forever on this topic…
physical humor and teasing ROCKS.
For example, bring back the old school “You’ve Got Something On
Your Shirt” gag… where you point at a spot on her shirt and when she
looks down, you bonk her nose with your finger.
That always works great.
Or… and this is always fun.
If you’re walking side by side and there is a physical object on her side…
slowly start walking her into it. That’s fun too.
I also like walking up behind my woman and “shanking” her if she has
on sweats or loose shorts in the house… and then ACT like I’m going to
do it when we’re out in public. Fun Stuff.
Teasing is a fun way to build attraction and BOOKS have been written
on the subject.
It’s the ULTIMATE way of flirting and getting her to chase you, all while
showing your strength as a man.
Here’s my final tip on teasing… and pay attention because this is
important.
When you are teasing a woman, make sure that it’s fun for HER… but
that you are ALSO AMUSING YOURSELF at the SAME TIME.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had people ask me:
“You just trip yourself out don’t you?”
Me: “Absolutely, I can’t help the fact that almost everyone else in life is
lame. I like to think of it as “playing with myself” without all the mess.
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You should try it sometime instead of living in “lame-o land”. (smiling,
laughing… Note: Having fun, with a touch of self depreciation as well)
That’s it. I’m done.
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Day 15
How to Create a Kick Ass MySpace and
Facebook Profile
Written by Race de Priest
Originally Published: 07/01/2008
WHY ONLINE GAME ROCKS AND HOW YOU CAN GET
STARTED RIGHT NOW
Now that the internet is such a big part of our lives, at any given point in
time there are more women online than there are in every bar in your city
combined. So how are you supposed to go about meeting and dating
women from online? Is a woman weird for meeting a guy from sites like
MySpace and Facebook? Can you actually legitimately meet sane AND
hot women from online?
Every time there is a new way of doing something it takes time for
people to get comfortable with it. In many respects the idea of meeting
people online is still fairly new, but thanks to the emergence and
popularity of social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook this is
all changing. In fact, there are well over 200 million members on
MySpace alone with around 300,000 new users joining every day from
around the world. Facebook is close behind with about 250,000 new
users a day. And guess what???…half of those are women!
WHAT TYPES OF GIRLS ARE ON THESE SITES?
Social networking sites are different than traditional dating sites. You
should really view them as an online hang out. Just as you would go to
the mall, a bar, the coffee shop or a club to hang out and meet new
people, you can use social networking sites to connect with and meet
like-minded new friends.
The fact of the matter is the same women you meet out at bars, clubs,
bookstores and coffee shops are on social networking sites. The girl next
door, the hot bartender, that cute girl standing in line at Starbuck’s today
are all online. And because it is continually becoming more and more
socially acceptable these same girls are open to meeting up with guys they
met online.
It’s not just for young people either. Obviously these sites are
overflowing with women in their early 20’s and 30’s, but there are also
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tons of women between 34 to 44 as well. Do you really want to miss out
on such an easy way to meet all these women? I didn’t think so. But it
gets even better…
IMAGINE A BAR FULL OF WOMEN HANDPICKED BY YOU
When you meet women from sites like MySpace and Facebook you can
literally browse and filter so that only the types of women you are
looking for show up. It’s like owning a bar where the bouncer only let’s
in girls that fit exactly what you want. Say you want a girl who is:
Between 22 and 26
5′0″-5′7″
Single/divorced
Christian
White, Pacific Islander, or Asian
Slender or Athletic body
No Children
Straight
Social Drinker
Non smoker
Some College or College Graduate
Within 5 miles of your zip
You can literally search for the exact type of woman you are looking for.
THERE IS NO APPROACH ANXIETY ONLINE
There is absolutely no social pressure when messaging women online.
You have as much time as you need to craft the perfect response. This is
a relief for many guys who have trouble knowing what to say. When you
are relaxed at your house you are more able to come up with an authentic
responses. In a sense, she gets to see a more accurate picture of who you
are while allowing you to learn at your own pace how to successfully
interact with women.
In addition, there is no “fear of rejection”. If a girl does not respond you
simply move on…no harm no foul. She can’t shoot you down or
embarrass you in front of her friends or other people; she is just a picture
and some text. At the same time you will be corresponding with several
different women simultaneously so there is no bother if a particular girl
doesn’t respond.
As you can see, the reasons to add online game as a way to meet and date
women is quite compelling. Many of the world's best PUA’s and Social
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Artists still maintain their online profiles despite meeting women out in
person because it is just too good not too.
HOW TO GET STARTED MEETING ALL THOSE CUTE GIRLS
ONLINE
The fist crucial step in meeting all those hot girls you see online is setting
up your profile correctly. Think of your profile as the online equivalent
of your first impression. It will form the basis for what a woman thinks
about you and how she will interact with you. After all, your profile says a
lot about you. From your profile alone, a girl can figure out if you have
any attractive qualities, what kind of job you have or what you do, what
type of lifestyle you live, your hobbies, your interests (i.e. favorite movies,
books, and music), what kind of friends you have, if other women are
attracted to you, what you look like, and somewhat of how popular you
are. This is huge!
Once you set your profile up correctly, it literally WORKS FOR YOU!
It’s like having your own personal PR firm who goes ahead of you and
gets all the girls excited about wanting to meet you when you arrive.
Now the question is…
HOW DO I SET UP MY PROFILE SO IT ATTRACTS
WOMEN?
Note: I will be specifically focusing on MySpace and Facebook because
these are by far the largest social networking sites on the planet. But the
underlying principles are universal and many of the guys we have
successfully coached used them all over the world on sites like Bebo,
Match, Orkut, Hyves, Friendster, etc.
There are many elements that go into setting up your profile correctly.
Here are the major things to keep in mind as you design your profile:
Keep in mind the type of girl you want to attract. Remember to create a
profile that is appealing to the type of girl you want to attract. If you
want a bad girl with tattoos, you need to create a profile that connects
with that type of girl. Once again, if you are unsure, go to the profiles of
the types of girls you want to attract
and copy their style or the style of the guy friends they have.
Simplicity and Readability
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Your mom was right about making things legible. You want your profile
to be as easy to read as possible. Women will abandon your profile
quickly if it takes too much effort to get an idea of who you are. A good
way to start out is to use a solid background with contrasting text colors
(i.e. white text on a black background or any light on dark color scheme).
You don’t need to go overboard in this area; simplicity and readability is
the key.
When to write and what to write
Take careful consideration about what you write about yourself. If you
try to write about how cool you are, the fun things you do, the beautiful
women you hang out with every weekend, etc, you will be perceived as
trying too hard to gain approval. And girls who don’t know you have no
reason to spend their time reading about you unless you’ve compelled
them to.
Things you DONT WANT to do in your About Me section:
•
DO NOT try to sell yourself by talking about how cool you are,
the fun things you do, the beautiful women you hang out with,
etc. You will be perceived as trying too hard to gain approval.
•
DO NOT write your life story. Girls who don’t know you have
no reason to spend their time reading about you. They will most
likely see this and say “I don’t know you, I don’t care”. It is better
to be brief yet have variety and keep her guessing, than to write
your whole life story and bore her.
•
DO NOT be overly offensive
•
DO NOT have terrible grammar/misspellings
Things you WANT to do in your About Me section:
•
Be Diverse
•
List a variety of music, movies, and hobby interests.
•
Be goofy. List movies like The Little Mermaid, and music by
artists like the Spice Girls. Show her you are not a tool.
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•
When writing it is better to be brief yet have variety and keep her
guessing, than to write your
whole life story and bore her.
•
You can even leave out your interests, giving her more reason to
search for a connection with you. Going back to the
characteristics women screen for, you want to be an enigma she
wants to figure out.
Be Creative
In your About Me section, be creative. Don’t say “I’m new to this whole
MySpace/Facebook thing” or “all my friends are on here so I figured I
would create an account.” Talk about things like, “I love meeting new
people” or “I surround myself with positive, fun, spontaneous, and
outrageous people.” It doesn’t have to be long. Again, we need just
enough to intrigue her, but not so much as to bore her. Make her curious
to find out more about you.
Use Disqualifying Statements
Create a small list of disqualifiers. A disqualifier is any statement that
demonstrates you have standards by declaring that the recipient is
unqualified or ineligible for you. Having standards indicates abundance
and a strong sense of identity. You know what you want and you have
enough options so that if a girl does not match up, you can let her go.
Here are a few examples of disqualifying statements:
Rules for being my MySpace/Facebook friend:
•
No liars (unless you are flirting)
•
No flaky people
•
No granny panties! (unless you are actually a grandma
•
No psycho stalker chicks! I don’t care how hot you think you are!
•
No BORING PEOPLE … You must be fun
)
Another option is to put up a qualifying statement on your page. Here is
one that we have used and has been very effective placed under the Who
I’d Like to Meet section on MySpace or the About Me section on
Facebook: “If you are cute rather than hot, clever rather than cool, petite
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rather than slim, then I would like to meet you.” You must show that you
have standards. Women like men who know what they want. If you do
not know what you want, now is the time to sit down and figure it out.
A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS
The pictures you choose to use on your profile are vitally important. In
most cases, these will be a woman’s first impression of you. Why not
make it as good as possible? The following are some guidelines to follow
when choosing what pictures to use:
Use a variety
You want to have pictures depicting you doing a variety of different
activities. You don’t want to have twelve pictures of you drinking beer
with your buddies. It is as if each picture is showing off a different side
of your personality. As we have already learned, women like a man with
some depth to him. They want a man with a sense of mystery, a challenge
to figure out. Your pictures can make her curious, and that is one of the
most important first steps to attracting a woman online.
Choose only the best
Choose only the pictures in which you look the best. If you upload ten
pictures and you only look good in three of them, then the other seven
are creating a bad impression. It would be far better to only have those
three in which you look your best. If in doubt, put your pictures up on a
photo-rating site like www.HotorNot.com, and see which ones receive
the highest rating.
Embed pictures into your profile
We have found that actually embedding pictures into your profile is the
easiest and most effective way to make a great first impression on girls.
This allows a girl to get a snapshot of how exciting and fun you are.
Remember, your page is your way of demonstrating how cool and how
socially desirable you are. Use a range of pictures showing different
aspects of your personality. Have some action shots, some travel shots,
some of you with your niece or your dog, some partying with hot girls,
some doing something goofy, etc.
On Facebook, you just need to add an application like Big Photo or
Slideshows. On MySpace, the first step is to upload your pictures to an
image hosting site like www.photobucket.com or your own MySpace
photo album.
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Next, paste the following HTML code into any section you want the
photo to show up (i.e. About Me, Interests, Who I’d like to Meet):
<img src=”http://www.imagehost.com/images/pic.jpg” width=”400”>
<br />
Where http://www.imagehost.com/images/pic.jpg will be re-placed with
the URL pointing to your image. By specifying the width property in the
<img> tag you ensure that your photos will have a consistent width (the
height of the image will be adjusted automatically to maintain the original
aspect ratio). This technique will ensure that your images are not too
large and that they’re easy to view.
Hint: write funny captions to go along with your pictures to demonstrate
even more of your personality
Just paste the following HTML code above the embed image code
shown above:
<div><font size=+2>Picture caption</font></div>
Main profile picture
For your main profile picture, if you are going to put up a picture of just
yourself, make it either a really good/professional picture (no wannabe
modeling pictures with your shirt off please), or one of you doing
something exciting like surfing, rock-climbing, posing in front of the
Eiffel Tower, dancing, etc. Otherwise make it a group picture with cute
girls in it. If you don’t have any, go out to a club and tell the hottest girl
you can find that you need some new MySpace/Facebook pictures to
make your ex-girlfriend jealous. Girls love to make other girls jealous!
Caution: If you are going to put up a picture of you with your shirt off,
make sure you are in good shape and doing an activity where it is
appropriate to have it off (i.e. at the beach, playing football, etc.). But just
to be safe, don’t put up a picture of you shirtless…EVER!
OTHER USEFUL ATTRACTION ELEMENTS AND TIPS
Use Music
Music is a great way to connect with girls. You can find music on
MySpace in the Music section, which you can get to from the main
navigation bar at the top of the page. Using a playlist is even better. That
way you can have a whole variety of music. We have received so many
comments on the songs we have chosen. This is just one more way for
her to connect with you. The playlist tool we use is:
www.projectplaylist.com.
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Hide your Friends List (MYSPACE ONLY)
If you are just starting and have no friends, you can place this code in any
section to hide your friends list:
<style type=”text/css”>
td.text td.text table table table, td.text td.text table br, td.text td.ztext
table .orangetext15, td.text td.text .redlink, td.text td.text
span.btext {display:none;}
td.text td.text table {background-color:transparent;}
td.text td.text table td, td.text td.text table {height:0;padding:0;border:0;}
td.text td.text table table td {padding:3;}
td.text td.text table table br {display:inline;}
</style>
We recommend you do this anyway. If she can’t see your friends and sees
a number of comments from gorgeous looking girls, which you can get
using the technique we’ll cover next, she will definitely wonder.
If she ever asks you why your friends are hidden, just say something like,
“They all kept getting jealous about who was #1” or “I am a secret agent,
and I don’t want to put my friends’ lives in peril.”
Adjust your Privacy Settings (FACEBOOK ONLY)
There is far more of your personal contact information available to the
general public on Facebook than on MySpace. Facebook also lists all of
your recent actions on the site through a system called Mini-Feed. You
can modify your privacy settings by clicking on the “privacy” link next to
the “logout” link in the top right corner. We suggest that you remove all
of your personal information such as email addresses and cell phone
numbers. You don’t randomly give your personal contact information to
people you don’t know, so why do it online?
While the mini-feed makes it convenient to see what your friends are up
to online, they can also see what you are up to. By default it lists all kinds
of information like who you wrote to, what you wrote, comments you
made, comments you received, and even when you add a friend! For the
simple fact that you are going to be messaging multiple girls, it would be
counterproductive for them to see that you have messaged other girls
with the same or even similar messages
For this reason, we recommend you configure the privacy settings for
News Feed and Mini-Feed by unchecking (i.e. turning off) most if not all
of the notifications.
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Create Instant Social Proof
To get comments on your MySpace page or Facebook wall from
beautiful women just use this message:
Subject: I was wondering …
Body: My ex is stalking my profile. Could you leave a comment to make
her jealous? You know how it is…haha.
Thanks,
- {your name/screen name/nickname}
or
Subject: Strange Question
Body: My crazy friends are sending me on an online scavenger hunt (I
didn’t even know they had those?) for my (put in bday or some event
that compels her to want to help you) and I have to get a sassy/fun
comment on my page from the following:
1. The hottest girl I can find
2. The cutest girl I can find
3. The dorkiest girl I can find
Can you guess which one you are? Haha…so if you could help me out I
will name my first born child after you… ha-ha j/k but I would really
appreciate it
- (name)
These comments will give you social proof. So when a new girl looks at
your page and sees all these other attractive girls writing sexy things
about you, she will wonder what makes you so sexy. This mystery builds
attraction. It’s brilliant!
Note: Make sure to use this technique with girls outside your area. This
adds an air of mystique and ensures you don’t tap out potential girls in
your area.
THINK OF IT AS YOUR OWN PERSONAL COMMERCIAL
All in all think about your profile as your own personal commercial. A
girl should be able to look at your profile and very quickly get an idea of
what you are all about. Make your profile easy to read, show that you
have a diverse personality, demonstrate that there are a variety of
different people that enjoy your company and show that you can have
fun and laugh at yourself. Having your profile set up correctly will
literally supercharge your success with women online and put you light
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years ahead of all those other guys out there leaving your competition in
the dust.
Remember to have fun with this and if you have any questions feel free
to ask.
Cheers,
Race
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Day 16
Tips for Flirting Online
Written by Honey
Originally Published: 07/02/2008
Flirting consists of a variety of tactics, both physical and verbal, that can
be used in almost any situation. We flirt for a variety of purposes–from
screening for a long-term partner, to scoring a one-night stand, to simply
being social. The vast majority of our flirting techniques were developed
for situations in which people were connecting face-to-face. However, in
today’s increasingly technological world, flirting online has gone from a
geeks- or losers-only pastime to a necessary skill.
There are three main types of online flirting:
1. Pre-emptive flirting: creating a great profile.
2. Early-stages flirting: the first few e-mails and/or texts.
3. Later-stages flirting: keeping the momentum.
Creating a Great Profile
Whether you have a subscription to an online dating service or not, odds
are that you have a profile on some kind of social networking site.
Because people are becoming increasingly accessible online (you can find
out far more about far more people in a day via their profiles than you
could in person), it’s important that you have a great profile. To have a
great profile, you need to (1) come up in as many searches as possible,
and (2) deliver the goods once someone clicks on your profile.
As far as coming up in random searches, it’s important to understand
how search engines work. Most searches that you will run are “keyword”
searches (though many online dating services let you set all types of
parameters via advanced search forms). Verbs don’t usually fare too well
in keyword searches because there are so many conjugations (run, ran,
running…). If you are the one searching, to run a successful search you
are better off putting in a noun: runner.
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When you are creating your own profile, you can easily increase the
likelihood of coming up in other people’s searches by using synonyms.
For example, if you like to run, you might also put jogger or marathon in
your profile. This is especially important because no matter which of the
three terms someone searches for, you’ll come up. If you’re running a
search and come up empty the first time, you could try some synonyms
as well, to catch people you might have missed.
Once someone gets to your profile, the most important thing is
specificity. List specifics. Tell stories. And don’t be afraid to ask
questions—a nice rhetorical question gets the other person thinking
about how they’d answer, and once they have an answer in their head,
they’re halfway to e-mailing you! There’s a huge difference between the
following:
•
“I like to hang out with friends, have fun, and watch movies.”
•
“On any given Tuesday, you can find me at BJ’s brewery with
friends, sipping on a Jeremiah Red and talking about how Robert
Downey Jr.’s performance saved Iron Man. When I told my buddy
that I thought The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor stood a
chance of being decent, he almost spit his beer out! What a waste
of a great porter. How about you and I go see it and then tell my
friend how wrong he was about Jet Li?”
Now the first thing you’ll probably notice is that the second example is
much longer. Well, that’s no accident. While you don’t want to go on and
on, the two big keys to a great profile are making sure your profile is
upbeat (no one wants to date a bummer) and saying something of
substance. For heaven’s sake, if the online world is like a giant bar, then
how can you come off as a person of value if you don’t have anything to
offer beyond clichés?
The First Few E-mails
Unsurprisingly, my advice about the first few e-mails (or online chats, if
you’re into that—I’m not, for reasons I’ll explain) is pretty similar to my
advice about profiles. List specifics. Tell stories. Ask questions.
However, one caveat is never, ever, “wink” at someone, or “poke” them
or any of that gay sh#t. Man up and give the lady (or fella) some real
communication. For anyone who’s been on these types of sites for any
amount of time at all, these half-ass forms of communication are reviled
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and make you seem wussy (which, if you’re too chicken to make a real
first move, you kinda are).
Now, in a seemingly contradictory move, if someone winks at you and
you at all like their profile, you should definitely respond back with an email. You know they’re interested, so half your work is already done for
you! You can tease them about using a wink at some point later on.
The formula for a great early e-mail is pretty simple:
•
If they e-mailed or winked at you first, thank them for doing so.
•
Say something specific that you liked about their profile, and
word it as a compliment ("I couldn’t help but be excited when I
noticed that you are an animal lover”).
•
Tell a story from your own experience that relates to what you
liked about their profile (”I’ve never been a dog person, but last
summer I found an abandoned Jack Russell in the parking lot of
my complex. I looked for his owners, but never found them.
Now a year later he’s there to greet me when I get home from
work!”).
•
As a question that escalates the interaction to the next level, i.e. a
phone call or a meeting, and also starts to build a non-threatening
sexual vibe (”Maybe we should meet up at the dog park Saturday
afternoon? I promise, only one of us bites…”).
I’m not a believer in asking for the digits but rather proposing the
meetup. The reason for this is that the other person will then offer their
digits without you having to weaken your position at all by asking!
I met my BF on MySpace, and our first couple of interactions followed
the pattern above. I sent him a one-line e-mail, and he e-mailed me back
to say that we had a favorite author in common. After a couple
exchanges he tried to add me as a friend and couldn’t because he didn’t
know my last name. When he e-mailed to ask, I said, “I’m sorry, I don’t
add people that I haven’t met in person.” He said, “How about beer on
Friday?” And that was our first date…
The reason that I’m going to come out against online chat is that (and I
know this is a personal pet peeve) I hate all that misspelling and
“textspeak.” Type real words, damnit! And since I type about 70 wpm
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and hardly anyone else does, it’s pretty tough for me to come off as
anything except overly chatty.
I like e-mail because you can control the length and content as well as
proofread for spelling and other errors before you hit “send.” It’s just
much easier to put your best foot forward when you use e-mail as your
medium. If they suggest chatting, go for it—just remember the possible
cons.
Keeping the Momentum
Once you’ve met in person, a flirty e-mail is a great tool to keep in touch,
sustain momentum, and keep your interactions light and fun. The big
tips:
Again, use real words, spell everything correctly, and make sure you’re
not e-mailing a work account.
•
Keep your e-mails brief and stick to one topic; you should be
teasing her with the promise of your presence, not overwhelming
her with super-long e-mails (which also kind of make you look
like a loser who has nothing better to do in your spare time).
•
Don’t send more than two e-mails per day, and don’t you dare
send that second e-mail until you hear back from her first. Again,
the goal is to sustain momentum, not to come across as desperate
or stalker-ish.
•
Keep it light! You should be making deep connections in
person—trying to do so over e-mail just makes you a bummer,
since so many nuances, tone, and body language is lost when it’s
just a window on someone’s computer screen. Tease, make a
mild sexual comment, or just say how much you’re looking
forward to your next meetup.
Flirting is an art, and the keys are paying attention to the other person,
avoiding clichés at all costs, and knowing when enough’s enough. Best of
luck!
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Day 17
Phone Game Strategy
Written by Hot Alpha Female
Originally Published: 07/03/2008
So let me paint the picture. You see a hot chick at a club, shopping centre
or the tennis club. You build up the guts to talk to her, make her laugh
and somehow manage to get her number. You think to yourself
“SWEET!! I’m in”.
You end up calling her a couple of days later, like the rule book
suggests... to ask her out on a date. She doesn’t pick up. You think 'hey
she is busy' and you try again later that same day. You still don’t get a
response. So you call again and finally you get an answer. You talk to her
expecting that things are going to pick up where you left off and are
utterly stunned when she starts making excuses as to why she can’t meet
up with you. She says that she will get back to you and she never does.
You are left scratching your head, thinking to yourself “where did it go
wrong?”
So here is the thing.
Some of you may be baffled by this whole situation.
To some of you it doesn’t make sense.
Well I’m going to lay out for you what is REALLY happening and what
you really SHOULD be doing.
Sound good?
Let's get started.
Rule # 1 - Don’t Contact Her for At Least 48 Hours
I know it sounds hard doesn’t it? But you have to stick by these rules.
Because when you can't wait for the 48 hours you appear needy and in
need of a life.
Here is the thing. I have been on dates with guys and literally like 2
minutes after the date they are messaging me and telling me what a great
time they had on the date and how they would like to see me again.
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Then I have also had guys who send me a message straight after a date
and then send me another one 30 minutes later wondering why I haven’t
sent them a reply yet.
The only thing that runs through my mind is... stalker; get a life, and
ewwww.
It's like an instant turn off. And there is no logical way to explain it. So
do it not only as a favor for me, but for all the other poor girls out there.
Just make sure that when you follow this rule that you don’t wait too
long after 48 hours. Anything more than 4 days and the girl (if she is
interested in you) starts to get pissed because you didn’t call her within
that “calling period” and she assumes that you are not interested.
You can mess with a girl and pretend that you are not interested, but this
is not one of those instances.
Rule # 2 - Send Her A Text Msg First
You know scoring a date is kind of like making a sale. Except the item
that you are selling is yourself.
So in other words you are going to have to look like something that she
would want to date/buy.
Now that doesn’t mean being something that you are not. But it does
mean that for the moment you operate within a certain guidelines until
you have internalized all this “game stuff” … so bear with me ok?
So as part of this, stick to the rule of messaging her first before you call
her. Every girl is comfortable with texting. In fact we like them more to
begin with.
See it's great for us and is great for you too. It means that you can
actually think about what you want to write, you don’t have to think on
the spot.
Now the main agenda with text is to warm her up. Let her know that you
are on her radar and that you will be in contact with her soon.
If a guy texts us within 2 days of us handing out our number then that is
sufficient enough for us to know that you are interested without
appearing really needy and wussy.
Now as a general rule with messaging keep it short and sweet. Banter a
lot, but don’t get into these messaging conversations. At the absolute
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maximum make sure that you only send 2-3 msgs in one conversation.
Always be the one to end the messaging conversation.
This means that when the conversation is nearing an end, you are the one
that has to stop sending her msgs.
Some of my friends have trouble with this, because they feel in control
by being the ones to have the last say. But you have to look at it from the
point of view that YOU are the one in control because you have the
strength to stop the messaging first =)
Rule # 3 - Msg Her and Then Call Her
Ok so I have to admit that this is not something that I came up with. But
one of the things that I heard one of the guys does on David D’s cds. He
would msg this girl and then when she replied back, then he would call
her within a minute or so.
He found that significantly increased his chance of getting to speak to
her, because she would have to be close to her phone in order to send
the msg right?!
Brilliant idea and I suggest that all you guys use it.
Rule # 4 - Keep It Light And Keep It Casual
Ok so when you call her for the first time after she has given you her
phone number then it's not a good time to start going into a deep and
meaningful conversation.
You actually want to keep things fairly casual and most importantly keep
it brief. But just because it’s a short amount of time, doesn’t mean that
you don’t have your work cut out for you!
The first thing that you want to do when you call the girl is to break the
ice and get her laughing. Essentially you want to get her back into the
same state as she was in when she gave you that phone number.
The best way to do this is to refer to something that happened when you
last saw her. Maybe refer to a joke that you had previously found funny
with her and give her updated content on it. This will bring her back to
that place and help her feel more comfortable with you.
That’s the thing with phone calls. You want to be able to establish
comfort before you can even consider asking her out.
If a girl doesn’t think that she will be comfortable with you or will be able
to trust you then she will not even consider going on that date with you.
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So remember the rule, keep it light and keep it casual. Break the ice and
get her to laugh before you even consider asking her out.
Rule # 5 - Keep It Short and Sweet
This kind of follows on from the other points. But seriously don’t talk
too long. Like 5 minutes.
As a general rule with this whole gaming and dating thing … Less is
always MORE!
Seriously…
You don’t have to get an update of what this chick has been doing in the
past 2 days. She doesn’t have to know about all your past relationships
before you guys go on a date.
All you have to get a chick to do... is know you, like you and trust you
,and then you can get her to go anywhere and do just about anything with
her.
Rule # 6 - Leave one voicemail that’s IT!
If you have to leave a voicemail then make sure that its only one. Two or
more becomes stalkerish.
I know it sounds silly but its true and this is what goes through a chick's
head. When courting a girl, you need to remember to give her the space
to think about you. If you are constantly trying to impede on her space
then she is totally not going to appreciate it.
Give her the gift of missing you ok?
So with a voice mail you need to remember to keep it short and sweet.
You don’t have to repeat your number and all that crap; just leave a
short msg and then hang up.
So in regards to what you should say, then you can say something a little
ball busting and then get her to give you a call back.
When calling a girl, be prepared for a voicemail and know what you are
going to say as well.
There is nothing worse than a long winded voicemail msg with a guy who
doesn’t know what he is talking about, who is wasting your time and
YOUR credit!
Random Tips
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Some of you may be wondering how many times you should call before
giving up.
Firstly you should message first. If the girl messages back, then your
chances of getting to talk to her again are much higher.
If you message a girl and she doesn’t message you back... and this
message contained some call to action on her behalf; then you need to
know that you are going to have to do some major work on getting this
girl to go on a date with you.
Persistence is not the only tool you need. There is no point in doing the
wrong things over and over hoping that you will get a positive result in
the end.
You have to do what works.
Remember to warm a girl up to you. You can tell that a girl has warmed
up to you when she is laughing at your jokes and the conversation is
flowing.
Here’s a tip. When a girl talks with ease, it means that she is comfortable
with you.
If you find her being more quiet that usual, then there is something up
and she is not comfortable, because A) she thinks that you are a freak or
B) she hasn’t warmed up to you yet.
In regards to what you should talk to her about … your main aim is to
bust her balls, make her laugh and have a good time.
Keep it short and sweet and always leave her wanting more.
Now with that said … Now I want to see better conversion rates ok?
*winks*
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Day 18
Text Game for the Pua
Written by Lance
Originally Published: 07/07/2008
Text game is an integral part of my arsenal. Before I get started, I want to
say a few words about writing style. Good spelling and punctuation; use
it! Don’t use cutesy textspeak (ur instead of your, etc), use punctuation,
and supplement your lines with smiley's and other emoticons. Why the
big deal about grammar and spelling? Because if you’re using good
English, you’re coming from a position of high value and it shows you
have a command of language. Obviously, language is part and parcel of
what pickup is all about. This also sets you apart from the legions of
dorks who can’t spell worth a crap. I have a few exceptions here. I use a
few acronyms, such as OMG or WTF. WTF is a good one, because you
avoid the profanity but still express surprise or shock.
Also, consider this. I’m a bit older, around 30, and the girls I socialize
with are high value woman in their mid or late 20’s that are educated.
Using textspeak on a 28 year woman with an MBA would totally deattract her. To get the high value woman, keep your language as tight as
possible.
Okay, I use texting for the following reasons:
1. Flirting.
2. Maintaining a connection.
3. Escalation.
4. Quick scheduling or announcements when I’m on the go.
Since item 4 is fairly self-explanatory, I’ll focus on 1 - 3.
Here’s how it breaks down:
Flirting
When used in the right ways, flirting via text is very effective. Texting has
similar properties to flirting over email (or sending messages using
facebook or myspace), but the quality that sets it apart is immediacy.
Everyone has a cell phone, and pretty much everyone has it on their
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person at all times. If you send a text, the other person is going to read it
within a few seconds. Conversely, if you send an email, it’s possible that
person won’t read it until the evening or the next day if you’re sending it
to a personal account (and you should…don’t send flirty emails to a
work or business account).
Not only that, but getting a text is like a little treat that breaks up the
monotony of your day. Everyone loves to receive text messages! I
haven’t delved into this, but I think some people derive a certain degree
of social clout from the number of texts they get. If you’re a chick and
you’re getting dozens more texts than the next girl, then you’re more
popular…at least that seems to be the psychology. If anyone wants to
dive into point, I’d love to hear some perspectives.
One way I flirt over text is to send messages that will compel her to write
back. It’s like playing a little game. Here are a couple of examples:
“Hey, just ate lunch at this great Thai place, you would love it!”
“Guess what I’m doing right now…it’s f’ing awesome!”
“Just read your horoscope, it’s crazy.”
All of these messages are intended to come out of the blue and compel
her to write back and ask what it is you’re talking about. The key is being
playful, interesting, and fun. Once she responds, you should banter back
and forth for a bit, ie basic flirting. This gets her thinking about you and
this method can be used to maintain a connection or escalate, it just
depends on the direction you want to go.
I’ll use texts as a direct compliment. I often do this after a first date,
either in the same night or the next morning.
“You looked totally sexy in that dress.”
“Had a blast, conversation was great, you’re a great kisser WOW!”
“You’re the cutest Leo EVER rawr.”
This creates a strong statement of interest and let’s her know that you’re
absolutely interested in going further. There’s nothing wrong with a
compliment as long as you’ve established a strong masculine frame
during the date. It’ll pump her up and get her thinking about how cool
you are. I’ll use this to spur a longer text conversation and then mix in
some “normal” text conversation, such as asking how her day went. This
dialogue establishes that you’re a normal guy and not a player (ha-ha) or
merely a flirt.
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Maintain a Connection
If I’ve number closed a chick and I know I can’t see her again until the
next weekend, I’ll text her just a little bit during the week to remind her
who I am. The key here is to flirt and be a bit mysterious so that she’s
compelled to see you when you ask for a first meetup. I rarely do fluff
talk in these instances because you’ll risk losing the attraction by seeming
mundane. As with everything else you should calibrate.
I like texting during the day when I know she’s at work. Let’s face it,
Monday at the office sucks (if you’ve got an office job) and getting flirty
texts can be a real pick-me-up. I’ll mix this in with a couple of emails,
some MySpace stuff, and a phone call or two to maintain the connection
until I see her again. Keep in mind that pickups are tenuous affairs and
flakes can happen at any time…texting helps to cement a future meetup.
Usually what I do when maintaining a connection is to offer a bit of
value, such as a laugh, a two line story, or a horoscope (astrology is chick
crack). Your goal should be very simple, just make her smile! Credit Sean
Deacon on that one, but I think it’s really true. You can use the same
lines from above, but here are another couple of examples that initiate a
value giving conversation:
“Holy sh*t, the craziest thing just happened to me!”
“Your horoscope is insane today.”
What’s great about the horoscope thing is you can look up the quickie
horoscopes on astrology.yahoo.com and hit her with one. I’ve never met
a girl who didn’t like getting her horoscope. OR, if you’re really slick, you
can make one up on the spot and sex it up a little. This can be great fun
and it’s an easy way to escalate. Here’s an example:
“The planets are aligned–today is a day for secrets, drama, and hot
monkey sex. Don’t be afraid to cut loose.”
Escalation
Texts are a great way to introduce or maintain a sexual frame. For
instance, if you did a quick 5′ pickup and number closed a girl with a
minimum of sexual framing, you can hit her like this:
“Hey, it’s the hot guy you met an hour ago, what are you doing??”
“I loved your glasses, you’ve got that sexy nerdy look RAWR.”
“We should have talked to you longer DAMN you’re cute.”
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This way you’re either establishing a sexual tone or maintaining one and
getting her excited about thinking about you. Chicks eat this up, and if
you’re calibrated properly and pumping out good lines, this shit kills.
You can do pretty much the same things if you’ve already had a date with
a minimum of Kino or maybe just a kiss close. Hit her with texts that
have a sexual tone and just plow forward. She’ll follow your lead and
likely respond back with flirty, sexy texts. I’m a big fan of these:
“Had a blast, OMG I could barely keep my hands off you!!”
“I can tell you’re going to be trouble.”
“My mom warned me about girls like you.”
If you’re deep into a sexual frame with a chick, or if you’ve already had
sex with her and plan on doing it again (i.e. dating or FBs), you can and
should use text as a way to maintain attraction. Let’s say you’ve had sex
once and you’re setting a date for next Friday night. Try these:
“Okay, I’ll meet you for drinks, but you’re going to have to work extra
hard for me.”
“Three guesses what I’m doing…if you get it wrong, you’re getting
spanked.”
“Happy hour on Friday…Don’t worry, I won’t let you take advantage of
me ;)”
Work your basic push-pull and teasing in there. This shows you’re playful
and flirty and will get her into a sexual state of mind. Even if I’m dating
someone and I know I can nail her whenever I want, I’ll still flirt because
it’s a hell of a lot of fun and it gets her hot for the Lance cock.
All of these lines are examples and you should easily be able to come up
with your own.
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Day 19
How to Go on First Dates
Written by Roosh V
Originally Published: 07/08/2008
Besides sex, first dates are the most fun part of the game. You have two
people who barely know each other alone and isolated with sexual
tension and possibility in the air. Here are a few things to make them
more successful.
1. Pick the right day. Don’t try to do a first date on a weekend,
especially if you haven’t kissed her yet. Weekend dates send the wrong
message that you value her too much; ready to give a “primetime” night
to someone you just met. Plus chances are she will be busier on
weekends anyway. Stick to Monday through Thursday for the first date.
2. Pick the right venue. You can get a lot done taking girls to coffee
and ice cream dates, but if your goal is to get into her pants as fast as
possible, you must go for drinks. Start the date at a quiet bar well after
dinner so you don’t have to worry about getting food. Even if the date is
short of a blockbuster, it’s very hard not to get at least a make out if she’s
had three drinks in her.
3. Preparation. There is no way you can memorize enough routines for a
two hour or more date, and even if you can it would be a stupid waste of
energy. You’re going to have to be, well, real and this is where I hope
your vibe is fun and interesting. If not then dates will be a challenge. The
only thing I do before dates is have two fun routines ready, usually the
cube and some type of fake palm read. I also remind myself of a handful
of innocent touching moves that prime her for the kiss.
Quick tip: On your way to dates call up a couple friends and shoot the
shit for a while. Since first dates are mostly a talking affair, you want that
part of your brain ready. The worst thing you can do is lounge around at
home all day in front of your computer and then go out without talking
beforehand.
4. She’s more nervous than you are. It’s natural to be nervous,
especially with the pressure of getting laid hanging over your head. But I
guarantee you she is more nervous than you are, simply because she’s a
girl and we all know the ones who can’t even go to the bathroom without
a friend. The more you have your internal game straightened out and
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believe a girl should prove her value to you, the less you will be nervous.
Think of her on a stage, twirling and spinning for your pleasure. Whether
this is reality or not doesn’t matter… just believe it.
5. Show up late. I have a friend who shows up fifteen minutes late and
I’m not sure that is extreme or not but I’m always at least five minutes
later. You want to stir up some anxiety and fear that she’s being stood up
so that her insecurities are driven inward instead of on you, where she
judges you and picks for flaws. Even if you arrive early, mill around for a
while until you are late. I cannot stress how important this is.
6. Focus on escalation. That’s your number one goal. A touch here or
there that gets extended as the night goes on, then touching her hands
and putting your arm behind her in the booth of the lounge you picked.
The first half hour will have almost no touching probably, but then the
drinks get in your system and it becomes natural. While you don’t want
to sound like a total idiot on the date, the reason you kiss her will be
more because of the touching than the conversation. The kiss will be a
foregone conclusion.
7. Go for the lay. Even if you don’t think you will get the lay on the
same night, it’s still a smart idea to go for it as you drop her home
because it makes your job much easier for the second date. The farther
you get on the first date, the less work you have to do on a second. Plus
even if the date goes well, you can’t make the assumption there will be a
second. How about if her long lost ex boyfriend calls the next day? You’ll
kick yourself if you didn’t push as far as you could get.
As you probably noticed, most of the work in turning out a good first
date is done before you even show up. A little bit of preparation goes a
long way in dates and it makes sense to do because you worked hard to
meet her and get her out and don’t want to blow it with stupid mistakes.
I made A LOT of stupid mistakes when first starting out in the game, but
even before that I remember my strategy to getting kisses used to be
hoping and wishing she’d make the move and do it on her own. I was
too scared I would get rejected and look like an idiot. I sucked it up when
I had enough and just started approaching like a machine, going on dates
every week and noting what worked and what didn’t.
It took me about six years of constant practice but I figured out the
“vibe”, a mindset that keeps your game on without trying to game. This
is especially useful on dates when you're focused less on routines than
when you first approach. I also stumbled on half a dozen touching
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moves that help escalate on dates and in the bedroom, and also the idea
of the multi-venue date system to increase rapport and trust.
I share all this and a lot more in my book Bang. Of course it’s backed by
my Bust out the Condoms Guarantee.
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Day 20
How to Get a Day Two
Written by Bobby Rio
Originally Published: 07/08/2008
A few years ago I was going through a slump with women. It was not so
much that I wasn’t meeting any; it was that the ones I was meeting just
weren’t up to my standards. These girls were falling for me quickly, and I
would soon have to break their hearts. It was depressing me. I was really
starting to believe that either there were no quality girls left in the world,
or that I just couldn’t attract the ones I wanted.
About that time I went on Match.com. A little while after going on the
site I started an online flirtation with this cute Filipino girl. She would
write me these long rambling emails at four in the morning (that were
just the most amusing things to read)… and I soon found myself very
attracted to her. We made arrangements to meet.
When she arrived at my house, she was even hotter than her online
photos portrayed her to be. Within minutes of talking to her I was
already feeling like this was going to be different. I was sensing a
connection I didn’t feel with the other girls.
When we got to the bar, things went even better. The conversation was
flowing naturally, we were laughing a lot, doing shots together, and
teasing one another… it was genuinely the best date I had in months.
Mid way through the date I was already imagining our future together.
Although I didn’t get a kiss that night, she came back to my house for a
bit, and the evening ended on a high note.
The next day I couldn’t stop thinking about her. And although it had
only been one day since I saw her, it felt like an eternity. My better
judgment told me to wait a day or two before contacting her again… but
I couldn’t help it, I sent her an email that night. Something along the
lines of “had a really great time last night. What day this week do you
want to play tennis” (we had talked about playing tennis on the date)
She didn’t respond to the email for a couple days. When she did respond,
all she wrote was “I had a good time too. You are a really funny guy,”
She never mentioned the tennis invite. The night I got her email I called
her. She didn’t answer so I left a message. She never called me back. I
waited a week then emailed her again “Guess we didn’t connect as much
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as I thought” or something AFC like that. She wrote back the next day
saying “Sorry I’ve just been busy. You’re really nice… I’m just not sure
what I’m looking for right now in terms of relationships.”
BAM it was over. The one girl I actually felt a connection with didn’t
even have interest in a second date. I began really analyzing what went
wrong… and it became painfully obvious why she had no desire to see
me again.
Below I’m going to go over the mistakes I made on that meeting. My
hope is that by reading through these mistakes I made you might be able
to notice a thing or two that you’re doing that might be preventing you
from getting a second date.
Mistakes that will Prevent Day Two
Too quickly deciding that you like her. The previous girls that I was
dating I was always the one doing the judging. I would sit back and let
them prove their worth to me. This put me in the position to be the
prize.
With the Filipino girl, I decided too soon that I liked her. Once I decided
that I liked her I started working too hard to impress her. I was way too
attached to the outcome of the date. Girls can sense when you’re
investing more than they are, and it will immediately lower your value
and put her in the position of being the prize.
Resorting to Nice Guy Lines. I really believed that I had experienced a
connection with the Filipino girl. I truly believed she was feeling the same
way. Because I felt there was this “connection” there, I let my guard
down. Normally I would never show my hand on a date… I would
always keep the girl guessing what was going through my mind.
The mistake I made on this date was that I gave too much away. I was
complimenting her way too much. I kept telling her how fun she was. I
remember at one point I was smiling, and she asked “what?” and I said
“You’re just really cute.” AGHHH
I kept bringing up plans for a second date. We hadn’t even finished our
first date and I was already asking her to play tennis together, to go see a
movie she mentioned.
Because I felt so comfortable with her I felt at ease to tell her about my
recent trouble finding a girl I really liked. I dropped all “player” mode
and started to open up with her way to soon.
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Not Escalating Kino. Although we were having a good time together, I
was in “nice guy mode”, and was scared to ruin the evening by “moving
too fast.” I would very rarely make any physical contact, and when I did I
would quickly pull away as to not scare her.
Normally, even on dates with girls I didn’t like, I would be advancing
towards sex after an hour into the date. Here I was 2 hours into a great
date and I was scared to leave my hand on her waist for more than a
second.
Let her Call the Shots. Once we got to the bar, she quickly took the
role of leader. She was the one suggesting what to drink. When the bar
got crowded, she was the one who suggested that we move to a table in
the back, when the DJ played a song she liked, she was the one who
suggested we go on the dance floor.
It was like I was so scared of making a wrong move that I gave all power
to her. I even broke one of my cardinal date rules; always be the one who
ends it. About midnight she is the one to say “it's getting late we should
get going.”
Trying to Plan the Next Meeting Before the Date Ended. In Bang,
Roosh says “always say ’see you soon’ when you end a date.” That was
something that I always naturally did before her, and have always
naturally done since her. But that particular night I felt compelled to try
to make plans to immediately see her again.
By making immediate plans you don’t give the girl the joy of wondering
when she’s going to hear from you again. Remember, a large part of
attraction occurs when the girl is away from you and thinking about you.
The less sure she is in her status with you, the more time she is going to
spend thinking about you.
Contacting her too Soon After Day One. I used the fact that we had
such a good time as a reason to call the next day. The fact that we had
such a good time should have been used as a reason to wait a few days to
call. If she really had a good time she would be going crazy waiting for
my call. The whole time she’s waiting for my call my value is increasing in
her mind by leaps and bounds.
I threw it all away by contacting her the next night. The minute I
contacted her, her brain went “OK I have this guy… now let me decide
if I want him.’
When you don’t call, her brain is going “Does he want me?” That is what
you want her brain thinking.
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Acting Needy When She Wasn’t Responding Quick Enough. As
many mistakes as I made on the date itself, I still believe I could have
savaged it if I was able to stay cool during our contacts post date.
Unfortunately I wasn’t. Whenever she delayed contacted me, I got needy
and contacted her right away.
And when I sensed she was blowing me off… I did the worst possible
thing my sending her a message stating my feelings and trying to guilt her
into seeing me again.
So how do you get a day two?
If you want to know how to get a day two… the answer is to not make
these mistakes on day one. Roosh gave you a perfect strategy for day one.
If you follow his strategy and avoid the mistakes listed in this lesson than
you should be having no trouble getting second dates.
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Day 21
Building Sexual Tension
Written by Evil Woobie
Originally Published: 07/10/2008
Sexual tension happens when two individuals feel attracted to each other,
but don’t have sex, at least not yet. It doesn’t always lead to sex, though
usually it does, and could go on and on for a lifetime without the
individuals concerned acting on it. In simple terms, it’s the ‘chemistry’
that happens between individuals who like each other.
When Sparks Fly
Extreme attraction develops under the safe haven of friendship. Friends
have several things in common; they communicate a lot and spend time
together. At what point does the attraction build so that individuals
enjoying a platonic friendship just let go and freely act on the attraction?
This happens when sexual tension peaks.
I dated a guy who I shared a wonderful friendship with before going for
the plunge. We’d see each other constantly and while all the things we did
were wholesome, there was an undercurrent of attraction that can’t be
ignored. In fact, if our wholesome scenes were to be made into a
movie, the viewer would be most likely banging his head on his popcorn
saying “get on with it already!”
The main trouble is that whenever we are in alone dates, the devil called
‘friendship conscience’ comes in to ruin everything. The following words
echo through our minds:
“Hey, we’ve known each other too long to let something like a relationship ruin our
friendship. We both know we are not ready for that.”
And so, nothing happens, and the onlooker throws his soda at the
screen.
Escalating the Sexual Tension
Here are some subtle things a guy can do to fan the flames of burning
attraction and cross the border between friends and friends-withbenefits:
1. At one or the other’s place, watch a movie with a story line that
involves sexual tension - Not porn, mind you, but one that has a
gripping plot and an explosive love scene. Think Top Gun (Tom Cruise)
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and Disclosure (Demi Moore). Or better yet, ditch the romance movies
and rent a thriller. Some studies have shown that good horror films can
be more sexually arousing than romance or even porn. The basis of
which is that fear results in the same biological effects as sexual arousal
i.e. rapid heartbeat, stimulated senses. Besides, being very, very scared is
always an excuse to cuddle up.
2. Online chat - There are things that you can tell a person you feel
attraction for online that you cannot say to her face. This is because you
feel protected from an extreme reaction by your monitor and the x-mark
on top of your browser. Saying something like “you really looked sexy
today during class. It took all of my self control to prevent myself from
just kissing you in a dark corner when we met for lunch” will convey the
message that you appreciate her efforts to look her best. Because you’re
friends, this will translate as sincere admiration more than harassment.
She already knows that you like her, now it’s time to let her know that
you think she’s hot.
3. Sexy Phone Conversation - While you bore her with the details of
your soccer practice, casually mention that you’re wearing only boxers
because the humidity is killing you (or my favorite, “I just took a
shower”). Since you know that she’s also into you, this could lead to
more prolific things, particularly if she’s feeling a bit naughty. The trick
is not to sound too eager. Give her the power of seduction; make her
feel that her voice and the theme of your conversation are turning you
progressively on, bit by bit. Encourage her to talk about her fantasies,
while sharing yours. And for goodness’ sake, do NOT mention another
girl’s name. If you must describe making love, say “when a girl kisses my
ear…” or something similar.
Sex is not the End, but the Start of Better Things
You are still very, very good friends. Once you overcome the sexual
tension that’s been plaguing your relationship, you are now free to
continue a stronger friendship that will last for years and years to come,
regardless if it developed into a more serious one or not
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Day 22
Preparing Your Bachelor Pad
Written by Bobby Rio
Originally Published: 07/11/2008
This lesson is going to be a guideline for some general rules when it
comes to maintaining your place. Obviously if you are in high school or
college your place is going to look a little different than someone out of
college making $100,000 a year.
While your choice of decor may change, the fundamentals will always
stay the same. Your place should serve a couple purposes.
First, you should feel comfortable there. Although you want create an
“at home feel” for yourself, you don’t want to overwhelm visitors with
your personal taste. What your goal should be is for your place to be a
reflection of yourself. Your best self that is.
Second, your place should provide some interesting conversation pieces
for those visiting. Many times you will have someone you barely know
back at your place. The easiest way to relieve that tension is to have a
bunch of interesting pictures, furnishing, or decor for them to comment
on.
Third, your place should provide an environment that makes the women
feel insanely comfortable. The more comfortable they feel at your place
the more likely they will be to spend time there.
One of the most important ways to make your place a comfortable place
for both you and the women in your life to spend time at is to keep it
clean.
A Guideline for keeping your place clean
1. Dust. Focus your dusting on everything that can be seen. The
most important areas are surfaces that are visible such as corners,
floors, tables, TV, sofa.
2. Get rid of stains. Stains just reek of low class. If your floor has
splashes of spaghetti sauce, or your counter is filled with grease…
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get it up. If your couches have stains on them cover them with
some kind of soft blanket.
3. Wipe down windows, mirrors, and glass table. Windows are an
easy thing to clean and will make the room appear much nicer
when they don’t have dust and smudges reflecting off of them.
The same can be said for mirrors and glass tables.
4. Clean your computer area. This is often a spot you will find
yourself at with a girl listening to music or watching a video clip.
Make sure your computer is dusted off; your desk is in order, and
most importantly… CLEAR YOUR BROWSING HISTORY
ON YOUR COMPUTER. I can’t tell you how many guys I
know have messed things up with a girl by giving her the
opportunity browse through his computer while he was in the
shower. You never know what’s on there. It's always safe to
constantly be clearing it.
5. Your bathroom must be impeccable. If there is one area that girls
will judge you the most on it's the way you keep your bathroom.
Get rid of all hair in tub and sink. Make sure all stains and crud,
or anything that would gross a girl out is gone. Keep the place
stocked with toilet paper. Keep the towels hanging nicely. Make
sure the toilet bowl smells good and looks clean. The last thing
you want is a girl not coming over because she’s too grossed out
to use the bathroom. Remember, what looks clean to us, doesn’t
necessarily look clean to them.
A Guideline for keeping your place smelling good
There is nothing that will turn a woman off quicker than walking into a
place that smells like crap. Bad smelling homes are immediately
associated with dirty people. The sense of smell is closely associated with
arousal. You want to use this for your benefit and not against you.
It is important to get other people’s perspective on the smell of your
place. If you’ve been living with the smell for awhile chances are you
won’t even notice it.
You should have air fresheners for the kitchen and bathroom. The other
rooms I would recommend using candles. Candles smell good and create
a nice atmosphere.
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Below are some certain items you want to be aware of that may be
contributing to a bad smell in your place.
•
Dirty sheets, blankets, and pillows. Especially in the summer
time, these need to be changed often.
•
Dump ashtrays regularly
•
Take out the garbage daily
•
Put gym gear in the laundry room
•
Food remains should be wiped up immediately
A Guideline for keeping the place neat and tidy
•
Get rid of all clutter. If there are items laying around that you no
longer make use of; either throw them away or put them in the
basement or garage.
•
Don’t leave random stuff lying around. It communicates that
you are a disorganized person.
•
Put your clothes away. This is so simple, yet so many of us
continue to leave shirts, pants, sneakers lying all over our
bedroom.
A Guideline for making your place more comfortable to women
Lighting
Lighting makes a huge difference in the appearance of your place. I
would usually recommend purchasing a dimmer that allows you to
pull the lights up or down based on the mood. Lighting is one the
most important elements of creating a good ambiance.
Decor
This is the area where your personal taste sometimes has to be
compromised a bit. While you want to reflect your personality you
don’t want to look like The 40 Year old Virgin with rooms filled with
toys, movie posters, and sports memorabilia. While all of these items
have a place in your home, they should not be the most prominent
items on display.
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The best idea is to find a style that you like, and then slowly decorate
the place to match that style. For me, I decided I wanted my place to
have the feel of Buenos Aires. I found several magazine articles that
celebrated the style of Buenos Aires and then I created a look around
those. I painted the place with Latin colors and then slowly found
items that complimented the room.
I find the best way to shop for home decor is online. I bought 90%
of the framed art work, pictures, wall decorations, and window
treatments online. Once I knew what style I was going for I began
searching for items on Ebay and Amazon that would fit into the
decor. I would buy items as I could afford them. In the past I would
try to go out and decorate my new place in a weekend. My old
strategy caused me to purchase a lot of cheap items all at once. This
new strategy of decorating my place over the course of a couple
months allowed me to search these sites, and when I found
something I liked, purchase it as the money became available.
Beverages
You always want to have either bottled or filtered water available.
On that note, you want to make sure that your glasses and silverware
are always clean.
It is a safe bet to always have a couple bottles of wine lying around. I
also tend to keep a six pack in the fridge, and stock a small bar with
liquor.
When a girl comes back to your place, it's always nice to be able to
offer for her to join you in a glass a wine. A fun thing to do is have
some frozen cocktails on hand. Making her a margarita is always a
nice way to break the tension and enjoy a good drink.
Bedding
It goes without saying that you want your bed to be inviting as
possible. The best way to do this is to not cheap out on a good
mattress. Once you have a good mattress purchase a nice comforter
set to go along with it. You always want to keep about four pillows
on your bed.
Another good habit to get into is making your bed every morning.
Since a true player, never knows when he’ll be taking a new girl
home, he must always be prepared for an overnight guest.
Entertainment and Props
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I mentioned earlier that your place should provide some interesting
conversation pieces. This means that you should frame some “story
worthy” photos and have them lying around. These photos will
serve to demonstrate your personality as well as offer you a chance to
tell some good stories.
I mentioned yesterday how a good coffee table book can initiate
conversation and break the tension of bringing a girl back your place.
It's not a bad idea to keep some props lying around. Props include
things like personality tests, interesting quizzes, this lie detector test,
or other fun games.
It's also not a bad idea to keep a stack of reliable DVDs lying
around. These should be a good mix of romantic movies, comedies,
and interesting documentaries. You never know what kind of mood
the two of you will be in when you arrive at your place, and it's good
to have a variety to choose from. Another good idea is to be
constantly DVRing interesting things on TV. This allows you to
always have something of value to throw on.
An absolute great addition to your living room is Nintendo WII.
This is a video game system that women finally seem to enjoy as
much, if not more, than men. It's great because it can introduce
some competitive flirting and offers a dynamic opportunity for Kino.
This should all be a great guideline for you to transform your place
into an excellent bachelor bad. Remember that the main purpose of
your place is to have you and her feel comfortable and to provide
some entertainment for the two of you.
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Day 23
Quick Lesson in Kino
Written by The Dicknotist
Originally Published: 07/14/2008
If you’re reading this, you’re probably looking for ways to obtain more
sex in your life. Perhaps you want something more than just sex …or
perhaps not. Either way, what separates true sex from porn is that the
former involves touch whereas the latter is viewed through the pixels of a
computer screen. Sex cannot happen without contact and neither can
seduction. Too many guys make the mistake of focusing all their efforts
on conversation and while your words may peak her interest, your touch
is what will drive her wild with intense desire.
From the moment a woman lays eyes on you, she’s unconsciously
wondering how you’ll be in bed. Will you take charge as she surrenders
her body to you or will you look to her on what to do? Will you be
affectionate and attentive to her needs or will you just slam it in a few
times and leave? Do you actually know what you’re doing in the
bedroom or will she have to teach you like all the other guys? All of that
is conveyed through your eye contact and touch.
We’ve all read the now famous DiCarlo Escalation Ladder (DEL),
which will give you the nuts and bolts of what to do, but not necessarily
the mindset behind it. Guys who aren’t used to touching women will just
lay their hands on her as if they’re in a video game. They earn five points
for every time they brush her arm or tap her back. When I touch a
woman, I don’t play for points; I play for pleasure.
When I think of touch, I imagine that my hands are like paintbrushes
plastering my emotions onto her body. Call me the Jackson Pollack of
seduction: I paint her arms her arms and torso now so that I can sprinkle
some more on her face later…with my other special brush. So, when
first talking to a girl, I will often just lightly touch her outer arms and
torso with my fingers as I’m talking to her. I see it as expressive: you
touch her as you talk to emphasize important points. That touch is more
subtle and friendly, aimed at just making her comfortable and more
trusting. During high points in the interaction, however, your touch
should become more appreciative.
Touch serves two purposes: to emphasize what you’re saying to her and
to appreciate her. An example of appreciation could be that in talking to
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her, she reveals that she works as a nurse. That immediately peaks your
interest as your mom was a nurse and you realize the resiliency and
compassion necessary for the job. Rather than just telling her how
awesome that is, you should also touch her arm and hold it there a few
seconds longer than usual and perhaps even stroke it.
Expressive touch is like a period: light and quick. Appreciative touch is
like an exclamation point, lasting a good 2-3 seconds. Yet the point isn’t
for you to have this in your head while talking to a woman but to give
you a context for which touch can amplify and supercharge your game.
When you touch her, touch her as if you’re already making love to her.
Cup your hand as you touch her back and cup the back of her shoulder
blades. Don’t forget her sensitive spots, including her inner arms, behind
her knees, the skin fold on the other side of her elbow. Later on in the
interaction, touching her neck, ears, thighs, breasts will amplify her
desire. Don’t be afraid to graze her breasts! Graze them now so you can
glaze them later.
You can get away with murder in the field as long as you are relaxed and
slow down. Calibration is simply the act of doing things much more
slowly, which includes walking, talking, and touching. You may be
nervous, but if you can slow down your actions, you will be seen as
confident and in control.
Of course, touch is best demonstrated by viewing and trying it yourself.
An excellent resource on touch is The Joy of Erotic Massage, which takes
you through more than you’ll ever need to give women incredible
pleasure with your touch from the first meet to sex. You can purchase a
copy on Amazon, though you’ll probably be able to get it free through
other means…
I hope that when you read this essay and even see the video above, you
will get some fresh ideas on how to use touch to build trust and sexual
tension. Yet, to get the most out of any endeavor, you must go out and
hit the field. Experiment and develop your own style. Innovation never
comes from passively reading and watching. Like any man of character,
you must act.
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Day 24
Body Language 202
Written by Dr. Fuji
Originally Published: 07/15/2008
Body language is one of the most underrated, overlooked, and powerful
elements in your social arsenal. The classic study on the elements of
communication by Professor Albert Mehrabian (1971, “Silent Messages”
Wadsworth, Belmont, California) found that nonverbal communication
accounts for as much as 93% of all communication. Body language itself
makes up more than half of that. So it should come as no surprise that
what you say isn’t near as important as how and when you say it. In cold
approach pick up, the individual who uses body language effectively
often has significantly better results than his less-enlightened
counterparts. In this article we’ll be delving into the use of body language
to convey high value, how to show interest or disinterest non-verbally,
and fixing common sticking points and pitfalls.
Let’s begin.
An interesting thing about body language is that it tends to override your
verbal. In other words, people will believe your nonverbal
communication more than even what you actually say. So if your verbally
sub communicate high value but your non-verbal says the opposite,
people will tend to trust the body language over the words. While
seemingly counter-intuitive, the fact is most people tend to place more
trust in forms of communication that are harder to consciously alter. We
can lie with our words quite easily. Lying with our body language is much
more difficult. Because your body language is so incredibly consistent,
women especially have found that it’s generally a very effective way to
evaluate others. And therein lays both the problem and the effectiveness
of body language. It’s very difficult to change, but when you are
successful, it conveys much more influence than other forms of
communication.
One of the most effective uses for body language is communicating
value. We do this by consciously altering our behaviors and mannerisms
from unattractive to attractive. Imagine two men, both of equal
confidence, looks, attractiveness, and other factors. But one man makes
eye contact when he speaks and the other looks away and fails to make
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communicate through our body language that we are “high-value” (read:
attractive) men. By “high-value,” we mean that we have high quantities of
the social and evolutionary value to which people respond. A “highvalue” man is one who encompasses all of the qualities and mannerisms
that women are hard-wired to find attractive. Think: confidence,
leadership ability, power, attractiveness to other women, strength,
internally validated, etc.
There are three main body positions in most social situations which you
can use to convey value: How you stand, how you walk/move, and how
you sit. Although full body language overhauls are beyond the scope of
this article, the fundamentals are quite simple.
When you’re standing, you want to stand with your feet shoulder-width
apart or slightly wider, shoulders pulled back, standing up straight, and
chest somewhat out. Your weight should generally be towards the rear of
your soles (closer to the heel) so that you always appear to be leaning
back. It should not be an uncomfortable stance, but one which clearly
does not lend itself to laziness. Picture the way a U.S. Marine would
stand when at ease. Your stance should project confidence. Your hands
should drape at your sides the way they naturally fall. Do not put your
hands in your pockets or cross them over your chest.
When you walk or move, the object is to convey dominance and
purpose. Your hands should swing naturally at your sides while you walk
but without looking either stiff or “floppy.” Practice this in the mirror if
you suspect they are moving unnaturally. Walk at about 50% of your
normal speed when in the venue. When you are moving towards
something (a set, an exit, the bathrooms, etc), take the shortest route
possible—usually a straight line. Instead of circling a set several times like
a vulture, walk straight up with confidence. Similarly, when moving
through the crowd, you want to project dominance. Oftentimes women
notice you and the way you move or interact with people and they make
judgments about you before you’ve even noticed them. Dominance is
tough to put in text but it’s something we drill in our live boot camps.
The objective is to be verbally polite while “guiding” people out of your
way. Don’t be afraid to touch both men and women while you’re walking
through a crowd. A hand gently on the triceps or back letting people
know you’re coming through is a dominant, yet polite way of moving
through the crowd and communicating that you expect people to move
out of your way.
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When you sit, the objective is to take up space while appearing relaxed
and comfortable. Don’t overdo ‘taking up space’ lest you come off as tryhard. What you want to communicate is that you do not make any
apologies for your existence and that you are used to always being
comfortable. It’s the same concept as locking in. Useful tactics to convey
this include draping your arms over the backs of chairs or over the
seatbacks of booths or couches. Your upper body should ideally be
leaning back without hunching over. Feet and legs can be spread
moderately or crossed ankle-to-knee. Sliding forward slightly in your seat
will allow you to lean back even in a vertically-backed chair. The main
communication here is that you are comfortable and confident. Do not
cross your arms over your chest for this reason.
The other thing that body language is extremely useful for is showing
interest or disinterest nonverbally. Because women are so much better
attuned to body language relative to men, they feel your nonverbal
indicators of interest (IOIs) or disinterest (IODs) much more powerfully
than we do as men. For example, facing a set or group is one way to
nonverbally show interest. Conversely, facing away is a subtle show of
disinterest.
Other body language-based indicators of interest include: Leaning in,
Kino escalation (escalating physical touch), strong eye contact, and
cocking your head to the side.
Indicators of disinterest include: leaning back, putting barriers between
you and the set or group (especially in front of your midsection, e.g. arms
crossed, drink in front of the chest, etc), not smiling, “body rocking”, and
looking away.
Note that some of these things can also be considered demonstrations of
lower value so be cognizant of what you are communicating to people.
The power in nonverbal IOIs and IODs are that they can be used both
subtly and oftentimes with more impact than their verbal counterparts.
For example, a nonverbal false time constraint (an IOD) is much more
powerful than a verbal-only version. As we’ve discussed earlier, people
tend to place more credibility on body language than verbal
communication because of the difficulty involved in controlling it.
The punishment-reward sub-dynamic is the underlying principle behind
Mehow’s Chase Cycling™ model and is most effective when body
language is used to both reward good behavior and punish bad behavior.
A great example of this is during the first minute of the interaction. Sets
generally don’t face you right off the opener. They’re usually facing each
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other. When you begin to hook the set, you can tell by their body
language – they start to turn toward you. You can then nonverbally
reward by more directly facing them or giving emotional value. If they
give you IODs, you can punish by facing away and throwing a false time
constraint (a verbal IOD). This psychologically conditions women to
invest and to work for you. And as we all know, we value that which we
work for.
Finally, there are certain body language mistakes that the majority of guys
find themselves making during their training. By being aware of these
common sticking points, you’ll be better equipped to stop them before
they become bad habits. Let’s examine a few of the most common:
Leaning In: This is one of the most common sticking points most guys
make. Leaning in is an instinctive body language move that you have to
consciously change. The lower the set is (seated, lying down, shorter than
you, etc.), the more you’ll feel the urge to lean in. Don’t do it. Have a
wing observe you in set and let you know when you’re leaning in.
Rewarding bad behavior: Directly and continually facing a set which is
closed off and giving you IODs is rapport and acceptance-seeking. You
are non-verbally rewarding the set for defiance. Instead, mirror a set’s
body language IODs with your own. Take advantage of both false time
constraints and body rocking to avoid continually facing a set that isn’t
hooking.
Lacking dominance: Everything you do in field should be done with
confidence and dominance. From the initial approach, to Kino
escalation, to simply walking through the crowd, your body language is
communicating things about you. Dominant body language
communicates confidence, pre-selection, and social proof.
Fidgeting: Nervous ticks such as swaying from side to side, playing with
your hands or fingers, moving around too much, or playing with your
drink all tell the set and everyone around you that you are not only
nervous around them, but that they are higher value and thus, you are
emotionally reacting to them. The emotion of nervousness often
manifests itself through these nervous behaviors. Eliminate them. You’ll
notice a marked improvement in your interactions.
Drink shield: This is another common sticking point the majority of men
have. The “drink shield” is when people hold their drink in front of their
chest in a social environment. The sub communication behind this body
language tick is that you’re nervous and uneasy. So your instinctive
reaction is to cover your midsection (traditionally the most vulnerable
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spot on most mammals) with some sort of protection. In this case it’s the
drink. Instead, hold your drink down by your hip and don’t cross your
arms or take a protective stance. You are trying to convey abundance,
security, and relaxation with your body language.
Hands in pockets: This behavior also communicates that you’re nervous
and that you feel awkward. You don’t know what to do with your hands
so you shove them in your pockets. Instead, let them hang naturally by
your sides. Force yourself to relax and let your arms just fall. At the
beginning you’ll have to force this, but after some practice, you’ll start to
automatically relax more in social situations.
Of course, there’s dozens more sticking points many guys will
experience, but these are the absolute most common ones. Fix these
behaviors and you’ll see a significant improvement in your game and in
your own state.
Hopefully this article has been able to shed some light on the importance
of body language as a whole. We’ve learned that not only does it allow us
to show value, but to also convey interest or disinterest without opening
our mouths. And of course, we’ve examined some of the most common
sticking points and come up with solutions and fixes to remedy them.
One interesting side effect of good body language is that it not only
affects your interactions but your psychology as well. The human brain is
constantly reacting to stimuli from the sensory system, and body
language is no exception. Your physiology often has a significant effect
on your psychology. This is why faking a smile for an extended period of
time often makes us feel better on the inside as well. And it’s the basis
behind parents telling their children not to cross their arms or frown. Just
as your mind affects the body, your body too affects the mind.
We cover body language much more in depth in our live programs and
boot camps and also in Mehow’s esteemed Get the Girl!™ Manual
available at www.mehowgetthegirl.com. Information on our live
programs can be found at www.mehow.tv.
See you all in the field,
DJ Fuji
Chief Instructor
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Day 25
Being the Bad Boy
Written by Bobby Rio
Originally Published: 07/16/2008
You probably noticed as far back as grade school, that girls are attracted
to guys who possess a bit of that bad boy persona. In fact, if you’re like
most us, you’ve probably often asked yourself “why all girls like the
assholes?” or “How come the jerks get all the girls?”
This is not so say that being a bad boy makes you an asshole or a jerk.
The reason most of us viewed these guys as assholes or jerks is simply
because we were jealous and envious that these guys were always dating
the girls that we wanted, while we were getting stuck in the friend zone.
So instead of trying to learn from these “jerks” whom we weren’t alpha
enough to hang with, we found it easier to blame society for our lack of
success with women, and create an acceptable excuse for ourselves,
“women only like the assholes.”
Well boys, it’s time to MAN up!
There is plenty that can be learned from these bad boys. Even if some of
their reckless behavior will never suit your personality, you can try
adopting some of their character traits to increase your attractiveness.
If you’ve found yourself too often getting stuck in the friend zone, it is
simply because that is the vibe that you’ve been sending off.
You want to shed your “nice guy” image?
It is impossible to try to imitate specific bad boy behavior. It will come
across forced and insincere. Instead, put yourself in their mindset. Live
life through their eyes.
The Bad Boy trait you should emulate
1. You’re fearless. Most people are insecure. Most people suffer some
form of anxiety disorder. Most people are held back by various forms of
fear.
If you want to stand out in a crowd; live a fearless existence. Feel the
fear; then do it anyway. Most of our fears are completely unwarranted.
Most fear stems from our need for approval. We are held back by our
fear of losing our job, our fear of being laughed at, our fear of going
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broke, our fear of rejection, our fear of ruining our reputation, our fear
of making a mistake.
What would your personality be like if you weren’t governed by all of
these fears? If you take a look at the short list of our major fears… you’ll
find that not one of them is life threatening. In fact, most of our major
fears are solely based on what thoughts someone else will have about us.
How ridiculous does that sound when you really think about it? 90% of
the decisions that you make are influenced by your need for approval.
Most of us are working a job we hate, lonely or in a shitty relationship,
have given up our dreams… because we are afraid of making the wrong
decision, and we’re not even afraid of the consequences of the wrong
decision… We are afraid of what people will say about us… what people
will think about us.
How refreshing is it when we meet someone who isn’t controlled by
these fears?
Women are attracted to bad boys, because bad boys provide an
adrenaline rush that the average guy does not. In the average guy, a
woman sees a reflection of most of her fears and insecurities. This is
why the average guy becomes her friend. Because they can sit and talk
and wallow in their fears and insecurities together. The bad boy makes
her forget all about her fears and insecurities. He takes her into his
fearless existence.
And she gets addicted to it.
My challenge to you
Live the next two days of your life completely fearless. Just for the next
two days, say what you feel like saying, approach who you feel like
approaching, tell someone who has pissed you off to “fuck off,” do
exactly what you want to do.
Do you want to call out of work and go the beach? Do it! Do you want
to tell the counter girl at the bank that she’s sexy as hell? Do it! Do you
want to finally change the style of your haircut? Jump out a plane? Get a
tattoo? Have sex with a stranger? Do whatever the fuck you want!
Whenever the fuck you want!
Do this for just 2 days and experience the thrill of being fearless. After
the two days you can go back to worrying about what people think, or
how you appear, or whatever other insignificant, trivial reason is holding
you back.
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More information on being the bad boy
In our most recent podcast we went over an entire list of ways you can
take on more of the bad boy attitude. We even went into specific
examples, showing how a bad boy would react as opposed to the typical
“nice guy.”
If you feel that you need to incorporate more bad boy traits into your
persona I highly recommend listening to our How to Be the Bad Boy
Women Want podcast.
http://www.tsbmag.com/2008/07/13/how-to-be-the-bad-boy-womenwant/
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Day 26
How to Turn a Female Friend into Your
Girlfriend (Part 1)
Written by Bobby Rio
Originally Published: 07/18/2008
For the sake of this lesson I am going to make a couple assumptions.
First, I am going to assume that the female friend you’re interested in has
firmly placed you in the friend zone. I will also assume that you are
actually friends with her and not just an acquaintance. This means you
spend a reasonable amount of time with her, and communicate often
through phone, texts, or MySpace/Facebook.
Bobby’s Step by Step Plan
The first thing that you need to do is effectively disappear from your
friend’s life. This means cut off phone calls, text messages, emails, and
visits.
This is to be done without making her feel like you’re mad at her. The
whole goal is to make her wonder what is going on in your life that you
no longer have time for her. When she contacts you… don’t answer the
phone call, text or email immediately. Wait a day or two before getting
back to her. When you do talk to her be pleasant, but brief and vague.
You should spend at least one month apart. The better friends you are
with this girl, the longer this process should go on. What you are doing
here is confusing her, and the confusion will cause her to spend more
time thinking about you.
Her simply missing you will not be enough to stir up immense attraction
for you. While you’re gone you also need to arouse some jealously on her
part. Although you will be vague, you should always be implying that
really great things are going on in your life. This is a fine line that you
have to be careful as you walk. She can never feel like you’re bragging,
trying to make her jealous, or lying… The whole attitude should be that
really great things are going on in your life… but you’re holding back
from telling her because you don’t want to make her feel bad. Vagueness
is the key to this part.
Now you need to amplify the jealousy and confusion. A great way to do
this is to call her and ask her to hang out. Assuming enough time has
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gone, she will be relieved that you finally called… and her jealousy and
confusion will dwindle… Just when she thinks things are going back to
the status quo... cancel the plans with her. When you cancel don’t
schedule a new date. Once again, be vague.
In the meantime, another great way to create jealousy is to take advantage
of social networking sites. Assuming that the both of you are active on at
least one social networking site like MySpace or Facebook, you can bet
she will be checking out your profile to see what’s going on in your life.
It is important that you change up your profile a bit, add some new cool
pictures (preferably with some hot girls.) To go even further I would
recommend getting a bunch of attractive girls to leave comments on your
page. Race and Kelly give a great way to go about getting these
comments.
The entire time that you’re away from her you need to be working on
yourself.
If there are physical areas of you that need improvement, now is the time
to get serious about change. If you’re over weight, do everything you
possibly can to get to your ideal weight. If you’re scrawny… join a gym
and follow a good plan for bulking up. Basically you want to do
everything I outlined in day 3 about updating your look. It is crucial that
after her long time away from you, that when she finally sees you again
there is a very noticeable improvement in your appearance.
During your time away from her you also need to be working on your
social skills. You should not spend all of your time away from her
thinking about her and planning your next move. You need to be filling
your days with the most exciting, challenging, and personally rewarding
events imaginable. You should be doing everything you can to take your
mind off of her. You should be out talking, flirting, and building
attraction with as many girls as you can. You should be hitting on other
girls with reckless abandon.
Improving your social skills serves many purposes. Above everything
else, it gives you a chance to see if you really want this girl to be your
girlfriend. Many times guys fall for their female friend because she is the
only girl in their life. Once these guys go out and meet some new girls
they realize that there is an abundance of women and no longer cling to
this one girl the way they used to.
The other benefit of improving your social skills will be that it will
naturally make you more attractive to your friend. The confidence you
will gain through your improvements will radiate throughout you. Your
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new found confidence will probably impress her more than your new
body, haircut, or wardrobe. You will also be fine tuning your flirting skills
which you will need later on when you start hanging out with your friend
again.
The final benefit of improving your social skills immensely while you’re
away from your female friend is because you’ll find it so much easier to
create the confusion and jealousy that you’re aiming for. If you’re
avoiding her phone calls and breaking plans with her, it is much more
powerful if it's because you really do have better plans and more options.
This will come into play in part two when I discuss finally meeting up
with her again.
The final thing you need to be doing relates strongly to lesson 1 which
dealt with designing your life. While I’ve stressed that during your time
away from your friend you should put her out of your mind as much as
possible, there is one exception to that. I swear by this, as I truly believed
it is what finally allowed me to turn a friend of five years into a lover a
couple years back. Every morning upon waking and every evening before
you go to bed, you need to spend fifteen minutes visualizing yourself
with your friend as lovers. I don’t mean visualize the act of sex… I want
you to visualize what it will be like after your first kiss. Experience the
feeling of sitting next to her having moved past the friend zone. Hold the
vision in your mind and feel all of the feelings associated with it.
This final exercise is so important because you have to train your brain to
experience the new reality. I found the biggest factor that used to hold
me back from making a move on my friend was that I could not imagine
the outcome. The idea of lying in bed with her, or holding her hand, or
just referring to her as my girlfriend was so foreign to me that it scared
me senseless. As much as I wanted it, my brain resisted out of fear.
I followed the entire plan outlined above, and then supplemented it with
the visualizations… and I truly believe that without the visualizations I
would not have been able to succeed with the plan. If you want to learn
more about visualizations re-read lesson one.
This is the end of today’s lesson. Part two will deal with how you will act
when you finally meet up with your friend again, how you will break
rapport, amplify attraction, and go for the kiss.
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Day 27
How to Get Your Female Friend into Bed
Written by Bobby Rio
Originally Published: 07/21/2008
If you are serious and strict about following the plan I laid out in part
one of turning a friend into a lover then you will have built up an ample
amount of tension and anticipation. It is critical that you immediately
capitalize on this built up tension. It is extremely easy to slip back into
the status quo if you drop your guard.
Let's talk about how to capitalize on this built up anticipation.
When you finally decide to hang out with your friend again you need to
invite her to an event that is on your terms. This means inviting her to a
party you’re hosting or a night out with you and your friends. The goal of
this first meeting is to display the “new” you in action.
Once you’ve established a meeting point (bar, club, party) you need to
arrive there early. Once you get to the location you need to establish
yourself as the social charming guy of the evening. Hopefully you’ll have
invited some other girls you know as well. If not, you need to begin
making new friends immediately. When your female friend arrives it is
critical that you’re already engaged in some conversation with attractive
women. If you haven’t brought girls with you, then you need to be an
opening machine. I don’t care if you have to open every set in the bar…
find one that sticks.
When your friend finally arrives you should be talking to some girls. You
are to acknowledge her, but do not immediately run to her side. Let her
feel a little awkward and uncomfortable for awhile. How many times has
she done that to you?
I just want to add something in: Do not get too drunk. You can easily ruin everything
you’ve been working for by losing control of yourself and saying or doing the wrong
thing. I would maintain nothing more than a good buzz throughout the night.
During this evening you should be bouncing back and forth between
your friend and the other girls in the location. For the short intervals that
you spend with your friend the conversation should only consist of light
and flirtatious talk. It is important that you spend this time building
sexual tension through teasing her and using Kino.
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The time that you spend with her you need to be quickly escalating the
Kino. Sexual escalation is more effective because it is less ambiguous:
hold her hand (use an excuse of looking at her rings or bracelets or nails
if you need to); put your arm around her, touch her hair (likewise, use an
excuse). These things are things that lovers do, and friends don’t. You’ll
need to use a combination of these touches to shift out of the friend
zone.
You also need to be sure to break rapport. She will most likely try to suck
you into talking about the same old status quo topics the two of you
always discussed. You need to take control of the frame and subtly let
her know that you’re calling the shots now. If she starts talking about
some guy she’s dating-change the subject at the first chance you get. Or
better yet, tell her you going to get a drink and go talk to another girl.
Remember, your goal isn’t to offend your friend or be mean… your goal
is to build attraction. If you’ve followed everything correctly you should
have built up some strong attraction. As the night gets later you have to
make a decision. You have to decide if you’re going to shoot for the
fences with your friend, or if you’re going to end the night leaving her
wanting more.
This is something that you’re going to have to feel out. Personally, I’ve
found it is almost always most effective to swing for the fences the first
night. Her emotions are going to be peaked by mid way through the
night. She will be feeling attraction towards you. Now it's just a matter of
letting her know it's alright to embrace this attraction.
This should go without saying... but I’ll say it anyway… never verbally
acknowledge any of this. Everything should be happening without
mention of the paradigm shift.
If you’re going to go for it all you need to be rapidly escalating Kino.
Some girls may not be game for making out in the club… in this case you
need to find away to get her alone.
Once you’re alone with her you have to be sure to keep the sexual
tension alive. If she starts talking about something that is not cooperating
with the mood… break rapport again. Later in the night, as the tension is
mounting, the best way to break rapport is with physical contact. This
means tease her with a gentle push, or grab her hand to look at her ring,
or touch her ear to comment on her earring.
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It won’t be enough to just tease her and escalate Kino. You need to act in
a seductive manner. You have to encourage her to have sexual thoughts
about you. You need to prompt these thoughts by:
•
You need to hold strong eye contact.
•
You should slow down your speech and deepen your voice.
•
You should look at her like you want her.
•
Look at her lips and leave pauses where you just look at each
other.
If she’s comfortable with that or looks at you in a seductive fashion it's
on. Go in for the kiss.
If you find she is being completely unreceptive to your advances… then
let the evening die down with you in control. If you sense you need to
build more attraction, then close out the evening talking to other girls
and part ways with your friend.
If you’ve decided to hold off to another night to go for the kiss… I
suggest making a deal with yourself. Give it one more chance. The next
time you hang out with her it can be alone. But if possible, arrange for
some friends to send periodic text messages to peak her interest. Simply
look at the texts... smile... then put your phone back in your pocket. This
evening you must treat the same way as the previous evening. You need
to break rapport, initiate Kino, flirt, tease, and build attraction.
If you find at the end of this second night that she still isn’t receptive to
being kissed… move on.
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Day 28
Managing a Relationship
Written by M. Chase
Originally Published: 07/22/2008
I’m guessing since I’m getting married in September (let’s see how that
goes) is why I was asked to write about managing a relationship for the
31 days series. Apologies in advance for the long post, but the stuff
below is golden. If you are interested in a relationship, be it
monogamous, MLTR, or just a fuck buddy hopefully you can pick
something up from this. I am not a guru; these are just guidelines I’ve
been taught and implemented that have worked wonders. I’m not reinventing the wheel here, these are not my ideas. To give credit so I
don’t step on any toes or get a lawsuit thrown at me, most of these are
Sebastian Drake’s concepts.
Here we go…
Let’s be blunt here…when women get complacent in a relationship they
tend to treat their guy like shit. If you think I’m joking head to the mall
on a Saturday afternoon, buy a drink, then sit down and watch couples
interact. It’s a mind-blowing experience to watch how some guys get
treated in public…and they put up with it. Here’s a true story. One of
my good friends got married a while back. Honeymoon was great,
everything was normal. Then she quit her job and took over the
finances. He was GIVEN a $20 allowance per week with the money he
earned. The marriage lasted six months until he finally flipped. Guys,
while sad this can be prevented.
The Vase Concept
This is the best analogy I’ve heard…relationships are like a vase…clay
and water getting molded together on a wheel. You only have a set
amount of time, maybe two months to make things how you want them
to be. Once the vase gets thrown into the oven and hardened, there it is
and good luck changing it. We’re all creatures of habit. If you decide
one day you’re going to break the mold with a girl you’ve been seeing the
vase cracks…yeah, good luck with that. It’s not that it can’t be fixed, it
just takes a hell of a lot of time to do it (and this goes double for friends
or ex-girlfriends who already know you). Should put a little perspective
on the divorce rate in this country.
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Precedence is absolutely key. We all get caught up in the moment when
we’re with a new girl we like. Something in our heads wants to make her
happy and seek approval. If she asks you to do something, and this can
be anything you seriously don’t want to do (going to plays, singing
karaoke, fancy dinners, doing the laundry…whatever). DO NOT do it
from day one. Never. If this will piss you off a couple of months from
now don’t start the cycle. The moment you get fed up the precedent has
been broken and the vase cracks. Again, good luck with that.
Don’t get the wrong impression that you should never compromise.
You simply have to. The real question is what you’re willing to
compromise on. Ashlyn just moved into my place and did some
redecorating. Can’t say I’m exactly thrilled with the changes (I’m now a
plant owner) but it’s something I can live with, even if I have to water the
damn things.
Set Expectations
Guys, people act like they are expected to. Frankly, I’m surprised this
isn’t addressed more in the community. Everyone acts differently around
different people. Let me ask a question. Would you drop an f-bomb in
front of your grandmother? I know I wouldn’t have. This is just psych
101. Do you act the same way around your best friend that you would
around your boss?
Now what you should ask yourself is why?
The same thing goes for relationships. You can’t exactly change
someone’s personality, but you can nudge them in certain directions.
Getting someone to admit to something you want wins the battle…if
they renege on it later you can bust them on it. People tend to live up to
what they’ve admitted to. This is very powerful in the seduction phase.
For example, if I’m into a woman and looking for a MLTR, I’ll drop
something like “look at all the women in this place that need a man to
hold their hand…please tell me you’re not like that.” You can use a
variation of this for any trait you’re looking for.
This is also very good for compliance. If she’s into you she’ll agree with
pretty much anything you say unless it’s way out of her personality. If
she disagrees on a trait you’re looking for it’s up to you if you want to
pursue it.
Draw the Battle-Lines
Probably the best advice I’ve ever gotten. Gentleman, draw the battlelines. This was so far out of my reality I thought it was a joke…it
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wasn’t. When women get pissed they will push you to see what they can
get away with. We all do it. In the seduction context make a list of what
will make you happy in a relationship. A loyal girl, bj every day, sex 4
times a week…etc. Whatever you really want. Now push it forward. If
you set your expectations farther than what you really need you’ll always
be in the clear when problems come up that have to be worked out.
I’m trying to remember how this went, something along the lines of “can
we just have sex tonight instead of you doing me anal on the
balcony”…fucking hilarious.
If anything I hope you guys got something out of this.
M. Chase II
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Day 29
Tips for Getting Better in Bed
Written by Bobby Rio
Originally Published: 07/21/2008
If you want to have the ability to call a girl up every night of the week for
a late night booty call; you need to be good in bed.
It doesn’t matter how great of a pick-up artist you are; if you don’t
perform in the bedroom you will never be able to create a life of
unlimited options. Sexual options with women stems from building up a
network of women who love having sex with you. Women who still want
to sleep with you even after they realize that you’re not boyfriend
material. That is true sexual power.
In this lesson I want to give you guys some tips for improving this area
of your life. I recently wrote a post about becoming a better lover where
I discussed the art of reading the signs that a woman is giving you and
continuing to push her in that direction.
Above all this is the number one trait of a good lover. You need to be
able to recognize what a woman is enjoying. You need to tailor
everything to the girl you’re having sex with at this particular moment.
You need to make her feel like you know her inside and out. Even if she
knows you’re a player, she has to feel an intense sexual connection with
you.
This starts with the kiss. If she is a slow passionate kisser, slow your style
down so your tongues mesh together. If she’s an aggressive and
dominant kisser… sit back and follow her lead. She’ll walk away thinking
you were the best kisser in the world... simply because you mirrored her
style.
You’ll need to increase your stamina. If you want a mind blowing sexual
session it has to last more than ten minutes. If you know you’ve got a
habit of finishing quickly than make sure you extend the foreplay. Use
your hands and mouth to create intense sexual tension. Explore every
area of her body until she is practically begging for it. Most girls really
enjoy receiving oral sex… learn to read the signs she is giving you and get
her pussy gushing from the oral.
But even after some powerful foreplay you need to follow up an even
more powerful lay. Increase your stamina and last longer by focusing on
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pleasing her rather than how good you feel, using breathing patterns, use
positions that you’re less likely to finish with, and by practicing. You also
want to build up your energy level as well as increasing your testosterone
level which will only fuel your fire in the bedroom.
Everything listed above are the fundamentals needed to become a better
lover. Below I’ve listed some general tips to improve the overall
experience.
More tips to be a better lover
1. Shave. Having stubble on your face can irritate her and make things
like kissing and oral sex a lot less pleasurable for her.
2. Groom Yourself. The more you take care of your body the more
likely she’ll be inclined to want to give you oral sex.
3. Smell Good. Wearing nice smelling cologne can intensify the sexual
desire she feels for you. Just a small spray is best… or go for that just out
of the shower smell.
4. Give a good massage. Having a little knowledge of some sexually
erotic zones of a woman’s body will go a long way. Watch a video on
giving an erotic hand massage or a video on giving a foot massage.
5. Aim for the G-spot. Don’t obsess about the g-spot. But having an
idea of where it is and how to hit it will increase your likely hood of
making her cum. If you’re clueless about the G-spot read an article about
how to find the g-spot
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Day 30
Ending a Fling or Relationship
Written by Bobby Rio
Originally Published: 07/23/2008
There comes a time in every player’s life where he is forced to end
relations with a female he no longer enjoys spending time with. The
irony of this is that you will probably find it is more difficult to end it
with a girl than it was to get her.
It is never easy to end things with a girl… and every situation will be
different. But there is one constant rule that does not change.
The longer you wait to end it; the harder it will be.
Now that you’re out meeting and dating a variety of girls you’ll quickly
find that you won’t be on the same page as most of them.
This is because while you may view her as “practice” or “fun for the
moment” or “somewhere to dump your load” she may have completely
other thoughts running through her mind in regards to what the two of
you have together.
Eventually you are bound to hear one of these 3 evil questions:
1. Where do we stand?
2. What is this?
3. Where is this going?
If you’ve been dating a girl that you have no intention of making your
girlfriend… than you need to change the way you view these 3 questions.
I used to hate when a girl asked me one of these questions. I used to fear
it, and pray that things will roll along at the status quo. I hated the way I
had to lie or change topics or be extremely vague with my answer. And
what I hated more, was when months later, when I finally had the balls to
end it, the girl would throw it in my face how I should have just been
honest with her back when she asked “where this was going.”
Well, now I’ve learned to love when a girl asks me one those questions…
because I’ve learned to just be honest with her.
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When a girl doesn’t ask “what is this” and lets thing go along like
everything is fine… that is when it is exceptionally hard to end it. In that
case she doesn’t give you an out, and you have to be the one to address
the situation. This is a lot harder than it seems.
I wrote a post awhile back called Why You Shouldn’t String Girls Along
where I talked about the negative effect stringing a girl along has on your
personality. The longer you date a girl you have no real feelings for the
more resentment will grow inside of you. That resentment is unhealthy
for your soul.
This is why you should use the opportunity most girls will present you
with and come clean and be honest with them. If a girl asks you “where
this is headed” and you don’t see it turning into a long term relationship,
tell her. Tell her why. She will respect you for your honesty.
Many guys will continue dating a girl they have no feelings for simply
because they are scared to be single or unable to give up the steady sex.
This is not the mentality that a true player should have. There is an
abundance of women available. The minute you free yourself up from
one girl, you’ll be amazed at how quickly more will flow into your life.
In yesterday’s lesson I talked about how if you’re really good in the
bedroom you can usually keep sleeping with girls long after they’ve
realized that you’re not going to be their boyfriend. But this needs to be
established as soon as possible. If you lead a girl on for six months and
then tell her that you don’t have feelings for her other than sexual... it will
be a lot harder to make the transition. If you let her know this after a
few weeks than it is more likely she will keep you on the side as a booty
call.
The secret to ending a relationship is honesty. The more you try to
sugar coat a break up the less likely she will feel the break up is for real.
If she doesn’t feel it's for real than she will be filled with hope that you
will get back together. You need to crush that hope.
I know that sounds mean. But it is a lot meaner to let a girl waste two
years hoping that you’ll finally see the light and be what she wanted. She
can’t have those two years back. As hard as it may seem to tell a girl you
don’t love her or don’t want a relationship with her, this will actually
allow her to move on and get over you.
Ultimately it is all about living with integrity. The right decision may not
always be the easiest. But you’ll find that if you continually are honest
with yourself and others your life will be a lot less complicated. You will
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also find that you feel better about yourself, and your sense of self worth
will increase.
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Day 31
Run a SWOT Analysis on Your Self
Written by Bobby Rio
Originally Published: 07/25/2008
Today is the last day in the 31 Days to Better Game series and as a
result I want to make your last task a little reflective and forward looking.
Your task today is to run a SWOT Analysis on yourself.
A SWOT analysis is a strategic tool that has been used for many years in
business (and many other fields) to look at the Strengths, Weaknesses,
Opportunities and Threats that that business might have or be facing.
Much has been written about SWOT analysis and how to carry it out (I’ll
let you do some searches on Google for it if you’re not familiar with it)
however let me write a brief description of how to apply it to yourself.
1. Define Your Mission and Goals
Before you carry out your SWOT it’s important that you know what
your goals are (otherwise the exercise is a little pointless as you’ve got
nothing to review yourself based upon). As a result you’ll want to have
done Day 1’s task - Designing Your Life.
2. List Your Strengths
What attributes do you have that will help you to achieve your goals?
What do you have going for you? What are your strong points with
approaching, dating, relationships? What resources and assets do you
have at your disposal? What do you do better than anyone else?
3. List Your Weaknesses
What attributes do you have that are holding you back from achieving
your goals? What skills do you not have as a successful player, pua, or
alpha male? What is ‘broken’ on your game? What could or should you
improve about yourself? What should you probably avoid in your
gaming? What is distracting you from your goals?
4. List Your Opportunities
Where is opportunity presenting itself? Is there a local club/group that
you can join? Is there a girl just dying for you to make your move? Did
an old fling show up back in your life? Did a new girl move in the
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apartment across the hall? A part time job you should get to meet new
people?
5. List Your Threats
What external things could or area is hindering you achieving your goals?
Are you working too much and therefore coming home too tired to
game? Do you not have enough money to go out to bars or clubs very
often?
Note - Think of Strengths and Weaknesses as internal factors while
Opportunities and Threats are external factors.
6. Analyze Your Reflections and Generate Strategies
Take some time out to work out what you can do with your findings.
How can you utilize your Strengths? How can you bring your
Weaknesses to an end? How can you make the most of your
Opportunities? How can you fend off the Threats?
An old Marketing lecturer used to say - ‘doing the analysis of Strengths,
Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats is only half the job. Working out
how to turn Weaknesses into Strengths and Threats into Opportunities is
the key part of a SWOT analyses.
7. Plan to Do Something and Do It
Translate your findings into an Action Plan and begin to implement it.
Doing a SWOT analysis is something that I do periodically on myself,
this website and on my overarching business also. Have you ever done
one on yourself?
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The Index
Other things that have helped make TSB Magazine grow:
Our Famous podcasts
We have produced many podcasts that have totaled over 100,000 in
downloads. The topics varied from dating, relationships, confidence
building, online dating, and sex. We've also had the opportunity to
interview many of the top dating coaches.
You can download all of our podcasts by visiting the link below.
http://www.tsbmag.com/category/weekly-podcasts/
Booty Call Game
For those who loved the old Romp.com Booty Call flash game, they
were happy to find that it relocated to TSB Magazine.com.
For those of you who have never had the experience of playing the game,
you absolutely must give it a shot.
http://www.tsbmag.com/booty-call/
Our Video Library
We created a video library and filled it with the best of dating advice, live
pickups, and funny clips.
http://www.tsbmag.com/category/video-posts/
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Acknowledgements
We would like to take the time to thank all of our loyal readers who have stuck
by us over the years. We want you to know that we truly appreciate your
support and encouragement and look forward to continuing to provide you
with high quality content.
Very Special Thanks
We would like to issue a special thanks and acknowledgement to long time
reader Morgan Chase. Many of the long time readers of TSB remember him for
his frequent commenting and patrol of the chat box. We want to thank you for
all the support you've shown us, as you have gone above and beyond, and your
effort and contribution do not go unnoticed. You have been there to keep us on
track, and to provide invaluable suggestions. You are an honorary inductee into
the TSB Magazine Hall of Fame. And forever a friend to Bobby, Mike, and
Pete.
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