THE SINFUL SERIES BOXED
SET
EMMA NICHOLS
CONTENTS
Sin at Sea
copyright
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Vixen in Vegas
copyright
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Epilogue
Heaven in Hedonism
copyright
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Epilogue
Untitled
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SIN AT SEA
THE SINFUL SERIES BOOK 1
By
emma nichols
COPYRIGHT
Copyright © 2015 by emma nichols
2nd Edition
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or
reproduced in any manner whatsoever including Internet
usage, without written permission of the author.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and
incidents are the products of the author's imagination or are
used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events,
locations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Image Copyright Lucas Gojda: Martini drink over dark
background
Used under license from DollarPhotoClub.com
Cover and Formatting by:
Love Kissed Books | http://lovekissedbooks.com
1
I am a runner. Not an actual runner, like with shoes and
sweat. Instead, I specialize in leaving uncomfortable
situations with alarming speed. Some people need closure; I
need space. When I need this space, I do it in style. I keep a
variety of emergency credit cards at the ready for such an
occasion. This one…was going to require the black card…and
my BFF.
Jolie and I have been through it. Together, we have faced
every tragedy imaginable and even many of those that most
would never want to imagine. She has never failed me. This
time would be no different. All I had to do was call. So, I
pressed the button on the steering wheel. Damn, I love Sync.
“Call Jolie on cell.”
Seconds later, the phone was ringing and seconds after
that, she answered. “What’s up, girl!” she shouted in
excitement.
“How soon can you be packed and how long can you go?”
I asked.
See, the beauty of my life and Jolie’s is that we are digital
nomads. We can work from just about anywhere. We can live
wherever we want. We don’t have an office to go to, a set
schedule, or any real ties, nothing to hold us back. Hell, I
don’t even have a plant. I pretty much said screw it after my
lucky bamboo died. It was a sign. I took it as such. In fact, it
was the very death of the plant which precipitated my last
move.
“Are we moving or regrouping?” Jolie asked. She was
always ready for whatever adventure I instigated…and I have
a habit of instigating adventure.
“Let’s regroup for a move. How does that sound?” I could
feel the tension draining away at merely hearing her voice
and letting it all out. Somehow, Jolie made every bad
situation more bearable, and every heartache manageable.
“I take it Kyle fucked up,” she said seriously. “What a
douche. Wanna tell me all about it now while I pack?”
That was my cue. I had been dying for her to be ready for
me to unleash. What was a BFF for if not to bare your soul,
share your drama, and bore with the minutia of the day? So,
I did. “Well, he’s been working late so often recently that I
thought I’d surprise him by bringing dinner to the office.”
“Oh, crap,” she said. This is why we’re besties. Forever.
Jolie always knows how to offer just the right kind of
sympathy.
Never once to mince words or beat around the bush, I
dumped it on her all at once. No one ever accused me of
being an awesome storyteller. “Yeah. I make it to the office.
His car is in the garage. I take the elevator up. When I get in
there, he’s fucking his secretary on the conference table. It’s
so…cliché! Who does that?” I took a breath.
“Go on. Tell me you confronted him.” She was so
encouraging.
“I was furious!”
She chuckled. “I imagine.”
“I paced. I waited. It seemed like it was going to be a
marathon fuck as opposed to one of his quickies, so finally I
sat down on the couch in the waiting area. I laid out the food.
I lit the candle.” I paused for dramatic effect.
“And you burned the office down!” she sounded just a
little too excited at that prospect.
Chuckling, I pictured for one brief moment how different
the outcome might look had I gone that route. “Nope.
Although, maybe I should have.” Then I remembered that
orange was not my color and I can be incredibly high
maintenance when I want to be. “Nah, I’m too pretty for
jail,” I joked. It earned me the laugh I intended. “I poured
the wine. I sat there and sipped on a glass while I waited. And
when they were done and dressed and she walked out, I just
stared at her.”
“Ouch. I hurt for her. You could kill with those looks,” she
said with obvious admiration.
In the background, I could hear hangers rattling and
drawers opening and closing while we spoke. The calm was
finally taking hold, I had stopped shaking. Jolie was like
Valium for my soul. “I wish I could kill with those looks, or
at least maim. She’d looked so pleased with herself until she
saw me there looking all cool and confident on the couch.
And that’s when Kyle came out. He was tightening his tie
and wiping lipstick off his cheek.”
“Oh. My. Gawd.” she squealed. “What did you say?”
“I told him to enjoy dinner and have a nice life. Then I
looked at her and told her she could have my leftovers
because I don’t share. That’s when I stood up and walked
out.” I sighed.
“Whoa. That’s it?” She sounded surprised. Clearly I
hadn’t always been this collected. Okay, I’ll admit it. There
have been times I was a regular powder keg. That was years
ago and I’d like to think I’ve grown and matured since then.
“Hey, I’m a class act,” I reminded her. “I don’t throw
punches. I don’t throw fits. And I don’t give second chances.
I’m done. On to the regrouping.” I forced a smile. This was
actually bothering me more than I let on.
“How soon until you get here?” she asked.
Just then I hit the turn signal. “I’m pulling onto your
street now. I’ll wait in the car. You know the drill. No more
than one bag. We’ll buy what we’re missing.” With that, I
pushed the button that ended the phone call, steered into the
driveway and waited. This was the fun part. I loved
regrouping. I lived for fresh starts. This time, after three
years in the same place, I needed a big change. This one was
going to be massive. We’d need at least a week or ten days to
get it together.
Lost in thought, I hadn’t been paying attention. The
passenger door opened and she threw her duffle bag in the
backseat. It landed next to mine. They were identical bags
purchased on our first regroup ten years before, soon after
we graduated from high school. That was when we became
digital nomads, on that trip. We had perfected it. We even
had a motto…never settle and never settle down.
The lifestyle, the freedom, the quality time together was
perfect for us. We weren’t built for routine and normal lives.
As I sat there lost in thought, my cell started to ring. Since I
had given Kyle a custom ring tone, there was no doubt who it
was. I didn’t even need to look at the screen. He had already
called three times while I was on the phone with Jolie and
before I had even made it out of the parking garage. This was
call number five. He was serious. Hell, he was a lawyer, he
was paid to be serious.
Knowing he would simply keep calling, I decided to
answer so Jolie and I could focus on the good stuff. I
motioned for her to remain silent. She nodded, her eyes big
happy saucers, eager to become a voyeur in my love life. It
wouldn’t be the first time. I pressed the button on the
steering wheel to accept the call. “Kyle, what’s up?” I asked
casually.
“Alysin, how could you just leave without trying to talk to
me? We’ve been together for two years. I chased you for an
entire year before that.” He sounded frantic.
“How could you throw those years away if they meant so
much to you?” I asked flippantly. I don’t cry. And if I did, I
wasn’t going to waste perfectly good tears on someone so
undeserving. Tears were intended for things like death…and
tax audits. Murder of a relationship certainly wouldn’t
qualify.
“Baby,” he cooed. “You don’t understand. This thing with
the secretary--it was a cry for help.” He sounded desperate
to explain it all away. That was his job. He was well practiced
in doing so. After all, Raleigh was the hub of the state, home
to all government offices. There was plenty of use for a
defense attorney of even merely moderate skill. That didn’t
apply to Kyle. His skills were many…except fucking. In that
aspect, he was pretty lousy. Only, I stuck it out, let feelings
get in my way. Instead of schooling him on what I liked,
trying to better him, I dumbed my sex life down, learning to
fake an orgasm that would have made Meg Ryan proud and
had Billy Crystal changing his tighty-whiteys. At least I
wouldn’t have to do that anymore.
“Well, Kyle, those cries are falling on deaf ears. I just
caught you working overtime at the office on your secretary.
Did you find a way to make those billable hours? Damn, I
hope so. I hope she’s worth it. I hope you two are very happy
together…” Just then I remembered something he had told
me about office rules. “Of course, that could cost you both
your jobs…what with that strict fraternization policy and all.
Unless you think you can argue that you two weren’t
spending time together outside of work. I doubt the partners
will feel better about that, considering you two probably left
a considerable amount of physical evidence on the very table
they eat their working lunches on.” I looked over at Jolie. She
smirked and offered me a silent high five.
“So…that’s it?” He sounded crestfallen. Clearly, I had
managed to crush his pride. I could live with that. He should
count his blessings that I hadn’t crushed his balls as well.
“Yup. That’s it.” I prepared to end the call, but he spoke
once more.
“Hey, you have to come get your things. You left some
personal belongings here. Let me know when you’re coming
by. We can talk…in person.” He had found something to hope
for, to hang on to.
I could fix that. “Kyle, it’s a toothbrush and some thongs.
Keep them. Wear them if you want. It’s the only way you’re
getting back in my panties again.”
After that parting shot, I ended the call. He really couldn’t
have anything to add to the conversation after that anyway.
Taking a moment, I inhaled deeply, waiting for it to fill me
and send oxygenated blood through my system, then I
exhaled slowly imagining all the stress just dissipating. That
was one of my relaxation techniques I had managed to
perfect through the years. I reached out a hand to Jolie, she
grabbed it and we laughed for a moment.
It only took a moment for her to break the silence. I knew
she would. Jolie is predictable, couple that with her curiosity
and her need to live vicariously through me…I’d be spilling
details of my plan for our regrouping in no time.
Sure enough, she had turned in her seat. Her short brown
pixie cut allowed full view of her face. While her hair color
was quite ordinary, she had these big green eyes, a tiny
button nose, and small full lips which were really great at
kissing. Well, they were on that epic trip all those years ago.
It had been a decade since then and I could no longer attest
to her skill.
Jolie gave my hand a final squeeze before releasing it and
voicing her thoughts. “So, where are we going? Any plans
yet?” She was practically bouncing in her seat.
I smiled at her. That was the question I had been
pondering from the start. “Well, after two years of being in
the dark with Kyle, I wanted to be able to relax and enjoy
some sun.”
She nodded happily. “The world is our oyster. I brought
my passport.”
Flipping open my purse beside her, I pulled mine out and
said, “Me too!”
In the end, we decided to simply go as far away as possible.
We drove to a nearby Starbucks to research and decide where
to go. We were all business working at the table; our laptops
had helped us book a cabin on the next Carnival cruise
leaving the following afternoon from Charleston, South
Carolina. Since we were already on the road, we decided to
drive the rest of the four hours to Charleston. Our last act
before leaving the coffee shop was to book a hotel there.
We made great time, arriving just before midnight. By
now, I was pretty much worn out. Really, I wanted a huge
breakfast, but it would be hours before we could enjoy the
Eggs Benedict I was craving. So in the meantime we were
going to sleep in a nice hotel, cuddled together in the king
sized bed. By the time we parked, grabbed our bags, checked
in, and took the elevator to our floor, we just barely had the
energy to strip down before we climbed into bed.
“Panties or completely naked?” Jolie asked, wondering
what our dress code was. She smiled at me slyly. Tired as we
were, Jolie was still dying to break in my bi-bone.
As far as I was concerned, our one night of passion ten
years ago didn’t count. We were practically kids, fresh out of
high school. Not to mention, I was drunk and we were
experimenting. Sure, I enjoyed it. It was new and different
which means everything to an adventurer like me, but that
wasn’t my normal choice. I prefer penetration. I like feeling
a man fill me. There’s something so hot about being
connected like that…if you have feelings for the guy you are
connecting with. Over time I had developed feelings for Kyle,
but after having gone years without an orgasm, if Jolie
wanted to take my mind off things, and given the
circumstances, I wouldn’t be opposed to it.
I looked at her without saying a word, opting instead to
show her. Slowly, I opened my long coat to reveal what I
wore underneath. Keep in mind, when I dressed, I thought I
was surprising my boyfriend at work. In my mind, we would
eat on the conference room table and then have wild crazy
animal sex for dessert. For some reason, I never suspected it
would blow up in my face. Never would I have guessed that
Kyle had that much creativity or passion in him.
Watching her carefully for a reaction, I smiled as she
followed my form from the sexy black mules, all the way up
my toned legs to the top of my thigh highs. I heard her gasp
when she realized that all I wore with it was a black push up
bra and a tiny black cotton thong.
She walked around the bed, her eyes already filled with
longing. Once she was in front of me, she peeled off her
shirt. I smiled when I realized she wasn’t wearing a bra, but
then again, she didn’t really need one. Soon she dropped her
jeans to reveal her own black cotton thong.
“Oh, look. We match!” I joked. Only…she silenced me with
a kiss. It was a greedy kiss, as though the years of pent up
sexual tension between us was finally going to erupt. The
kiss shocked me completely, but I was more than willing to
play along at the moment. Goodness knows that nothing is
better to ensure a good night’s sleep than an orgasm before
bedtime.
“Not yet,” she said, as she kissed her way down my neck.
As though she had done this a million times, she reached
behind me and unhooked my bra. Of course, as a long time
lesbian, for all I knew, she really did have that much
practice. She expertly slid it down my arms and quickly
smiled in satisfaction as my boobs bounced freely. In a flash
she had flung it toward the chair in the corner of the room.
Reaching out, she held my ample breasts in her hands, a
warm sensual look on her face. This time, I knew there
would be no excuses to prevent me from finishing what she
had already started.
“You know I’m not bi,” I said quietly, my weak last ditch
effort to show I was willing to risk shattering the mood to
save our friendship.
“I know,” she said simply, “but you are curious and
that’s enough.” Then she bent her head and began to suck
on one nipple while caressing and flicking the other hard
nub.
That’s my spot. Ask any guy who had ever dated me any
length of time or slept with me more than once. Mess with
my nipples, suck on them, and it was on, all restraint would
be shattered. Already I could feel myself getting wet and
uncomfortable with need the longer she lavished attention
on my chest. Maybe women really did know how to satisfy
other women better. It sure seemed that way at the moment.
When she pushed me toward the bed seconds later, I was
more than happy to comply, finding myself flat on my back
before I knew it.
Soon, she had my panties down and her magical fingers
were working their way inside my slick opening. Gasping, I
could do nothing but focus on feeling and enjoying the
moment. It was her gentle come hither motion that had my
g-spot responding. The pressure of the long lost orgasm was
building. I suppose I had almost wondered whether or not
my body was still capable of responding. Maybe Kyle wasn’t
inept. Maybe it really was me. After all of ten minutes with
Jolie’s expert touch and tongue, my body was shuddering.
For the first time in a really long time, I was crying out in
excitement, moaning and writhing. Clearly I could still
climax after all. Oh, and I was so close.
No wonder when she pulled her hand back, I sobbed.
“No…more.” I heard myself beg. That was new. Hell, all of
this was new and welcome and so very appreciated. “I need
something in me,” I pleaded. I couldn’t take another sexual
disappointment at the moment, or ever again.
“You’ll have something in you,” Jolie said reassuringly.
I could tell she felt powerful and in control. Smiling, I let
her feel that way. Let her have her moment. Allowing her to
dominate me excited her as much as having her licking and
sucking all around my clit excited me. Then I felt her fingers
enter me once more while the licking and sucking continued.
It was too much.
Before I knew what I was doing, I had grabbed her head
and held her in place, right where I wanted her. Her free
hand slid up my flat stomach and found my boob. By now, I
was throbbing everywhere. The blessed release I needed so
badly was beginning to take hold. Ah, but I’m not a taker. I
give too. So, I stopped her, released her head and moved
until out bodies were parallel on the bed.
Soon I was fondling her tits. They were so tiny, such small
little nubs. There was just enough nipple for me to wrap my
mouth around and apply pressure. It was so hot getting her
all excited, it only enhanced the need within me.
Really, I had no idea what I was doing. My only advantage
was that as a female, I knew what felt good to me. So, I did
the same to her. I loved having my nipples manipulated and
massaged. I loved having my nipples played with, licked and
sucked. All I did was what I loved having done to me. It
worked. How did I know? While I maintained the peace with
Kyle all these years by faking orgasms, Jolie didn’t believe in
that. She believed in letting the person know, in making
them work for it.
Only with her, there was no work. It was shared mutual
pleasure. Somehow I couldn’t imagine experiencing this with
anyone else. Who else would I feel comfortable enough to
open myself up to like this? I had yet to meet that man…or
woman.
We were grinding our kitties together. Two shaved naked
pussies rubbing until we purred in pleasure. Oh, there was
pleasure. We each came…I definitely had my strongest
orgasm to date. I may never be able to thank her enough for
ending my drought with that mind numbing experience.
Finally, we fell asleep, all tangled in each other’s arms.
There was no way we could stay awake after that. There was
no sex marathon. We were completely spent, entirely
satisfied. It was just as well; morning and the cruise would
come soon enough.
When I was halfway through my shower, Jolie decided to join
me. While I fully intended to simply shower and get ready for
the day, clearly she had other plans. Thankfully, I am
flexible…in every way imaginable. Still, considering the time
we had until checkout, I couldn’t relax, couldn’t get too
carried away. This was the beauty of our friendship…Jolie
recognized it.
“Worried we’re not going to get out of here on time?” she
asked after letting my nipple slide out of her mouth.
“You know me. I can’t relax,” I said casually. “Thank you
for last night, though. It was…perfect.” I swear she was the
only one who could handle my gentle let down without
getting moody and sullen.
Smiling, without any evidence of hurt at all, she made a
new offer. “Well, good. Let me know if you want any perfect
moments on the cruise, okay?” She squeezed my ass and
hauled me against her lean, wet body. Already we were back
on the platonic track. Everything was easy breezy between us
once again.
As for the rest of my life, for the first time in such a long
time, everything felt right, like I was headed the right
direction, on the right path. We’d have seven uninterrupted
days to bond and plan our move. That was what I intended to
focus on.
Boarding the cruise ship went so much faster than I expected.
We drove through a maze of cones and showed our boarding
passes and passports more times than I could count. We had
our picture taken to be linked to our key cards, there was a
photo opp in front of some scenery, but we passed on that.
Then we were officially on the ship. This cruise was more
organized than the last that we had taken and we were
allowed immediate access to our cabin where we dolled up
while we decided what to do first. I wanted to hit the bar or
the buffet, or both. Jolie had other plans.
“Wait!” she exclaimed. “Look what I brought.” Then she
pulled a bottle of Chateau Montelena Chardonnay out of her
bag. We’re wine snobs. We can afford to be. We worked for it.
We earned it. We don’t apologize for it. We have our own
code of rules that we live by. To each his own. This is ours.
That’s when we called the steward and asked for glasses
and a corkscrew. It made for a lovely moment when we
toasted to the future and reminded each other of our motto…
no settling and no settling down. Before long, on my empty
stomach, I was feeling a nice warm buzz. Apparently Jolie
was, too, because she announced that she was taking a nap.
Then I countered with my announcement, since I was going
to need some food or risk a massive headache and serious
hangover, I was heading to the buffet. Being sick would
certainly throw a wrench in our plans.
As I left, she collapsed on the bed, sprawled out, typical
Jolie style. For the record, she wasn’t one of those manly
lesbians. Jolie was wholly feminine. Watching her fall asleep,
I smiled at her, even though she wasn’t watching and would
never know. For the first time since we left, I could feel
myself relax and truly felt happy. It didn’t take much.
From the moment I exited the cabin, it was obvious all
over the ship, the party atmosphere had taken hold. The
cruise was predominantly made up of adults, thank God.
Nothing will ruin a good time faster than a crying baby or
whiny toddler. Shoot, throw in a child with a full-blown
temper tantrum and I want to put a loaded gun in my mouth.
Unlike most females my age, I seem to have managed to
escape any hint of maternal instincts. I have yet to
experience a biological clock scare. I’m probably more likely
to encounter biological warfare on American soil than suffer
from that ailment. Who knows? Maybe I’ll feel differently in
five or ten years. At the same time when I consider how
much I love my life the way it is with all the freedoms, I
seriously hope not.
Taking the elevator to the lido deck, the aromas of the
buffet hit me the minute I exited. Then I remembered that if
I planned to enjoy the buffets and maintain my slim size six
figure, I would need to start taking the stairs. I frowned.
Stairs didn’t really go with my shoe collection. Maybe I
should take the mid-morning Pilates class that seemed to be
offered daily, or walk the track. I chuckled. I don’t own a pair
of sneakers. Pilates it would be.
After loading a plate with salad, fruit, and a variety of
comfort food like potato salad, and some nice southern fried
chicken, I found a table for two by the windows that was
vacant. Setting the plate down on the granite, I started to
pull out my chair when a man came out of nowhere and did
it for me. Alarm bells sounded in my head. He wasn’t in
uniform. This wasn’t a crewmember being helpful. Nope. I
had already attracted a new douche. How the hell did they
always seem to find me? If this was any indication as to how
the rest of the week was going to go, seven days was going to
feel like a year. I’m not the kind to hibernate in the cabin to
avoid problems. I find a way to make them go away.
This time would be no different. After he helped me push
in the seat, I spoke, “Thank you.” Then I focused on my food
and started eating my salad. Sometimes, I just can’t get
enough roughage.
“You are welcome, gorgeous.” He smiled at me, a smile
that clearly cost him more than most people make in six
months. “So, do you have a name?” he asked as he pulled out
the chair across from me and settled into the seat.
When he asked, I was chewing and didn’t rush to answer
him. It would be good for him to wait. He needed to be as
uncomfortable as he was making me feel…or would have
been making me feel if I wasn’t already worn out on men at
the moment. Leisurely, I swallowed.
“Yes.” Then I loaded my fork with another bite and kept
on eating. By now, most men would have taken the not so
subtle hint that their attentions were unwelcome.
Clearly, I had flustered him…not enough for him to leave
me alone, mind you, but his soft underbelly was beginning to
show. It was all squishy and pink. Determined as he was, he
laughed it off. “What is it?” he asked in what was probably
his most seductive tone, but fell far short of my expectations.
“You already guessed it. Gorgeous. It’s right there on my
birth certificate. Imagine how badly that could have gone had
I not lived up to the hype.” I looked at him evenly, not even
cracking a smile.
Would you believe he just kept talking, like we were old
friends or soon to be bedroom buddies? This guy couldn’t
have pried his way into my room with a crow bar. Nope. And
he couldn’t even part my legs with the jaws of life. My vagina
was closed to him for sure.
Finally I interrupted him, which was just as well since I
had tuned out everything after his empty chuckle. “So, dude,
what makes you think I was eating alone?” I asked with
more than a hint of annoyance. Even though he didn’t know
me, calling him ‘dude’ should have been a clue that it was
time to exit stage right.
“Well, you walked in here alone,” he began nervously
before leaning back in his chair.
“Yes, well, that’s not the same thing as being alone.” This
was the kind of moment Jolie would normally rescue me
from. She would show up and do something to ensure the
guy knew we were ‘lovers.’ Maybe this time I was on my
own. Then I saw him. He had those classic good looks, pretty
without looking feminine; a strong jaw, beautiful deep blue
eyes, and rich brown hair that was thick and begged to be
touched. Why couldn’t that guy have pulled out my chair?
Standing, I smoothly stepped in front of him. “Babe, did
you not see me? I was right here. Did you get my Coke?” I
could see he was mildly shocked. No problem. I could fix
that. In a few seconds he was going to be majorly shocked. In
fact, I planned to render him speechless…and malleable. I
stood on my tiptoes and planted a kiss on the tip of his nose.
As I imagined, I was offered a hungrier look. That’s when I
made my move. Slowly, I matched my lips to his and then
shifted so I was angled and we were kissing…really really
kissing. Thankfully, he played along. Seconds later he had
played right into my hand. Wow wow wow.
“Help me, please,” I breathed into his ear.
“Anything for you, sexy.” He sealed his vow with a kiss
on my cheek that totally did not suck. He looked over at my
intruder. “Who’s this guy?” he asked, jerking his thumb in
the guy’s direction.
“I have no idea. I’m sure he was just keeping the seat
warm for you, though.” I smiled at him and frowned over at
the guy who was keeping me from my meal.
“Uh, yeah, I was just leaving,” the man mumbled. Then
he stood up as he muttered apologies and soon walked away.
The new guy sat down. I stared over at him while trying to
read the situation. For all I knew, I had simply traded one
douche for another. Historically speaking, it wouldn’t shock
me.
“Hey, don’t mind me. I just ended up getting drawn into
your little charade. Hope you don’t mind if I enjoy my meal
while we keep up appearances?” He smiled.
“Nope. We’re good,” I replied although I was admittedly
wary.
While I was smiling at him, I had little to say. There was
so much going on in my mind…and thanks to Jolie, having an
orgasm wasn’t part of it. The longer he sat, not making a
move, the more interesting he became. Maybe I wasn’t
desperate for sex, but I wasn’t going to turn down the
possibility of some amazing guilt-free sex with a hot guy for
anything. Only I wasn’t sure how to gain his attention. My
smile hadn’t worked. The kiss hadn’t accomplished
anything. What was it going to take to get a man like this to
be interested in spending a few meaningless days on a cruise
with me? Guess I’d simply have to try the direct approach.
“Are you married?” I asked, confident if that didn’t break
the ice, nothing would.
“No,” he said, cocking his head.
I leaned in. “Really? Because you look like the marrying
kind.” I took another bite of my potato salad while I studied
his reaction.
Throwing his head back to laugh, he said, “I run too fast.
No one can catch me, let alone keep up.” He punctuated his
sentence with a wink.
Clearly I was going to have to be the one to get the
conversation started. “Thank you for saving me. I’m here
with my friend. She is napping right now. I’m not used to
having to fend off guys anymore,” I admitted as I kept on
eating. Isn’t it nice when you don’t want anything serious
from someone and you can just be yourself? That was the
freedom I felt around Mr. Bedroom Eyes.
He smiled and I saw he started to extend his hand. I had
the feeling he was about to introduce himself, so I stopped
him. “Listen, you can tell me your name, but I’m just going
to forget it. I’m lousy with names.”
“Okay, so we’re not exchanging names? Is there anything
you would like to exchange?” He smirked.
“Yes, as a matter of fact. How about bodily fluids?” I
smiled and stared at him with a suggestive look.
He…choked on his Coke. When he finally stopped
coughing, I was about finished eating. I don’t let much come
between my food and me even if I don’t look like it.
“Sorry, I’m not used to women being so direct,” he said
with a smile as he wiped his face.
“I don’t play,” I said honestly. Then I stood. I am known
for my exits. As I turned, giving him full view of what I
considered my best feature, I shot over my shoulder, “Think
about it.” Then I walked away. Always…and I mean always
leave them wanting more. I didn’t have to look back to know
he was staring at me. Let him stare. With my head up and
shoulders back, I headed to the elevator.
2
W hen I returned to the room, Jolie was awake and getting
ready in the bathroom. Apparently it was time to put on our
best face before meeting and greeting the rest of the ship.
She walked out wearing a short black sundress.
“Did I miss anything?” she asked with a big smile. I know
why she smiled. It seemed like I always had some story to
tell. There was always something happening to me, around
me, with me. I like my life. Through the years, I have come
to discover that life is what you make it. So, I make mine fun
and exciting, even unintentionally.
“The usual,” I announced. “I was hit on by some skeevy
guy and rescued by a hot one.” I smirked.
“Awesome,” she said with a laugh. “So, who’s the guy
and what took you so long?” she joked.
“I don’t know.” I shrugged.
“No name?” She looked at me suspiciously.
“I told him not to bother. We’re on this ship for a week.
I’m sure we’ll bump into each other once or twice.” I
smirked as I imagined it.
Jolie laughed. She knows me too well. “Is that the same
number of times you expect to be bumping uglies?”
“Hey, mine is very pretty,” I argued playfully. “You
should know that after last night.”
“Yours is beautiful and sexy,” she agreed, walking over to
plant a kiss on my cheek. “Let’s go. Time to mingle.”
“Ugh,” I joked, “I hate mingling.”
The party atmosphere was contagious. There was a DJ spinning
songs. Waitresses were flitting about delivering exotic
looking drinks with cute paper umbrellas in coconuts and
souvenir glasses. Many guests were already in the pool and
sunbathing. With so much activity, it was difficult to focus
on discussing our future plans. So, we agreed to take the day
off. I pulled out my laptop and settled in at the Serenity adult
hot tub area on the back of the boat. Even though I hadn’t
seen many kids, I wasn’t taking any chances. Jolie headed off
on her own to do some exploring. Since the cruise was a new
experience to so many people, few had discovered this secret
little cozy quiet spot I had settled into. My lounger was the
perfect blend of sun and shade, so that I could get some
color, but not risk burning.
I was lying on my belly, searching places to move. There
were certain criteria, our move rules. We never lived in the
same state twice, so we had to pick our city carefully. We had
to move at least five hundred miles from the last location.
There were states we had ruled out before we ever visited…
like Iowa, and Kansas, even West Virginia. There were states
that were ranked higher…since we loved the sun. Currently,
the debate was between Savannah, Las Vegas, and
Charleston, South Carolina. In my mind, Vegas was winning.
With some research, I could cinch that all up, load the
options in my favor.
“Whoa, I better get those shoulders,” a seductive male
voice announced.
Because I was so engrossed in my research, I didn’t pay
much attention. What would make me think he was speaking
to me? Then two strong hands gripped my shoulders, and I
could feel warm lotion being rubbed into my skin. Naturally,
I jumped. Who the hell would touch some woman he didn’t
know? I shot up in the seat only to come face to face with Mr.
Bedroom Eyes himself. Damn, he was good looking,
especially with that playful sparkle in his eyes.
“You?” I asked. “Why?”
“Obviously because I didn’t want your shoulders to burn.
What kind of husband would I be if I let you get burned?” He
wore a playful look on his face. “I was supposed to be your
husband, right?”
“Sure, my husband. And if I had burned, you’d be a lousy
one,” I agreed with a smile.
“So, I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier,” he
began.
I chuckled. “You must have given it a lot of thought. After
all, I haven’t seen you for all of an hour.”
“As a matter of fact, I have.” He smiled. “Will you come
walk with me?” He held out a hand to help me gracefully
climb off the lounger. I love courteous men, they are such a
rare breed.
Taking his hand, I stood and paused a moment to look
him in the eye before I gathered my bag and tucked the
laptop into it. I liked what I saw in those eyes, no deception,
just simple truths and a confidence that spoke volumes
without being cocky in the least. Huh. I was apparently better
at picking a husband on the fly than I was at selecting a
long-term boyfriend.
We walked down the stairs and through the doors into the
main atrium of the ship. “Where are we going?” I asked,
since we didn’t seem to be strolling, but instead walking
with both purpose and destination in mind.
“You’ll see.” He smiled.
We walked further without speaking, my anticipation
building. Finally, he broke the silence. “See, I have given
both your dilemma and your offer careful consideration. It’s
clear to me that there’s really only one solution.” He smiled
broadly at his proclamation.
“Oh, really?” I asked with an eyebrow raised. “And just
what is my dilemma?”
“Obviously, you need a great protector to fend off
unwanted men on this cruise,” he announced, puffing out
his chest for effect, further proof that he was the protector I
needed.
I smiled because he was so damn cute. “Oh, but I have
Jolie,” I remarked.
“Listen, if this Jolie exists, I have yet to see her. You keep
mentioning her, but both times we’ve met, she was nowhere
to be found.” He shrugged and looked about. “So, I think you
should consider my offer. It’s a pretty great one.”
“Oh, really. And just what is your offer?” Looking about, I
realized we had stopped in the cruise ship jewelry shop. Then
Mr. Bedroom Eyes dropped to one knee. I backed up a step.
“What are you doing?” I asked, confused and concerned.
This could go very badly. I may have misjudged him
completely.
“Relax,” he urged. “I just have one very important
question to ask you. And these things are better said with
jewelry than I ever could with words.”
I started to take a second step back. I’m a runner. The
need for distance was kicking in hard. Only he grabbed my
hand and halted my escape.
“Will you be my wife for the week?” he asked. Then he
batted his eyelashes at me.
It really took all the pressure off. Throwing my head back,
I let out a huge laugh…a combination of relief and pure joy.
“Are you sure you don’t want to date me? I hear there’s a lot
more sex in dating than there is in marriage.”
He stood slowly, contemplating the idea. “This is true,
but since I’ve had no sex with you thus far, any would be an
improvement. Plus, since you already suggested I was your
husband, I thought this would keep the charade going.”
Tilting my head, I considered it. Really, it might not be a
bad deal. After the break up, I could use some no strings fun.
“What exactly would the stipulations be?” I asked curiously.
Here he was trying to lure me in with jewelry I didn’t need
and could very well afford to buy myself. I wasn’t one to be
swayed with shiny objects.
“Well, for example, that fluid exchange we talked about.
As your husband, I want to know I can have you every time I
want you, as often as I want you, without fear of headaches
or claims of Aunt Flo visiting.” He crossed his arms over his
chest.
I laughed. “But what if Aunt Flo is visiting?”
He raised an eyebrow. “Is she?”
I shook my head. “No.” I looked him in the eye. “So, I get
a ring and a protector, you get sex? Is that the agreement?”
“Mostly. I want quality time too. I want the boring stuff. I
want to watch the sunset with you. I want to watch movies,
eat dinner, dance, grab drinks. I want naps in the afternoon
and to fall asleep holding you at night. I want it all. The
whole package.” He took my hands in his and gripped them.
“What do you think?”
I considered all he suggested. It seemed like a decent deal.
While I didn’t care about the jewelry, I was more than
interested in lots and lots of sex with Mr. Bedroom Eyes.
“You would make an excellent rebound.” I mentioned as I
tried to imagine the negative implications. “I’d like to make
a few stipulations of my own.” I watched him for a reaction.
“Stipulate away. Whatcha got?” He looked at me intently.
“Okay, you should know right now, I’m not out to catch a
husband. So, what if we keep it simple. No names. No phone
numbers. No emails. Let’s just enjoy the week.” I looked at
him hopefully.
“That sounds fair, but I better get my fill of you this
week, since I’m never going to see you again.” He stared me
in the eye.
I chuckled. “I hope you can keep up.”
Hauling me close, he kissed me just like I loved to be
kissed. It was intense and wonderful, full of promise. May he
be as good with that tongue everywhere else as he was with
my mouth. Slowly, he released me and I could feel my mind
reeling, new kinds of intoxication taking hold. Soon, I fully
intended to get drunk on this man.
Nudging me with his head, he turned me toward the
jewelry counter. There was a man standing beside it, holding
out a ring. “What do you think?” Mr. Bedroom Eyes nudged
me with his shoulder.
Studying the ring, I nodded. This was probably the most
expensive ring they had. I admired how it looked in the box,
but even more how it looked as he slid it on my finger.
“Wow,” I commented.
“This,” he began, “is an Ideal Blue diamond. They are
rare and beautiful. They have more facets than a typical
diamond. And in this setting surrounded by white sparkling
diamonds, it really draws attention.” He took a breath. “I
know I don’t even know your name, but in the time I’ve
spent in your presence, I’ve been struck by your beauty, your
multi-faceted personality, your sparkle and glow. I hope you
know how rare and beautiful those qualities are. Be my wife
for the week.” He smiled calmly, secure in his words and
their ability to sway me.
It worked. I was touched. It was better than any real
proposal I could have imagined. Strike that thought. I don’t
imagine proposals. It was, however, better than I have ever
seen on TV or read in a book.
“Thank you. I love it!” I said honestly. He passed the
salesman a black American Express. As soon as the ring was
paid for and we left the store, I turned to him. “So…when
does the sex start?”
“Patience, beautiful. These things shouldn’t be rushed,”
he said, lifting my chin with one finger so he could plant a
lingering affectionate kiss on my ready lips.
It made me feel all tingly. I love the tingles. Slowly,
gradually, I opened my eyes when I realized no other kisses
were coming. I raised an eyebrow at him as I said, “You do
know this little seduction scene is wasted on me, right? I
mean…here’s the ring. I think we’ve pretty much established
I’m a sure thing.” I waited for his response with arms
crossed over my chest.
After Jolie started my furnace the other night, I had been
pretty much burning up ever since. I’d already vowed to
never go that long without an orgasm again. This guy was
simply killing me. I had to know if he had the skill to back up
his game.
“Yes, so I’ve gathered. And you should know I’m going to
do everything I can to make this a memorable and
pleasurable week for both of us.” He watched as I slowly
started to smile, then he drew me close to his chest. “The
way I see it, we both need that.”
It felt as though my face was going to break, I was smiling
so widely. “Absolutely,” I agreed. This regrouping was going
to be the best one ever.
An hour later we were deep in an argument. Midway through
our heated discussion, I realized he was smiling which only
served to further infuriate me. “What are you so happy
about?” I asked through tight lips.
“Oh, baby, our first fight!” He seemed to be so damn
pleased with himself that the mood was contagious and I
found I was smiling back in spite of myself.
“What were we fighting about anyway?” I asked,
completely thrown off balance by his reaction. This man was
unlike any I had ever known. Given my history, that could go
either way.
“Well, as I recall, I asked you to move into my cabin. You
refused. I pointed out that you were breaking our agreement.
You couldn’t understand how. I reminded you that I was
supposed to be able to have you wherever and whenever I
wanted. You thought you should at least be able to rest in
peace. I told you I could give you pleasant dreams. You didn’t
want to leave Jolie. I predicted that she’d understand. Your
words were, ‘I highly doubt that.’ And then I smiled. All
caught up now?” He was positively beaming.
I’m pretty sure at that moment; he had never looked
more attractive to me. It was all I could do to resist licking
him. Seriously. I wanted to taste him all over with my
tongue. All. Over. Knowing the timing and location—in the
middle of the casino lounge—was terrible, I simply sighed.
“Ah, sounds like you are conceding to me…” He looked so
hopeful.
“If you can convince her, I’ll stick to the agreement. If
not, we renegotiate. Got it?” Crossing my arms over my
chest, I looked at him seriously.
Slowly, he leaned toward me, eyes intense, and
murmured in my ear, “Let’s go to your cabin.” He nudged
me with his nose and as I tilted my head away from him, he
burrowed into my neck and began kissing. Instantly, I could
feel my heart begin to race, my body was once more on fire,
and I was mildly concerned by how quickly he could change
my moods and convince me to go against my better
judgment.
Still, I nodded numbly and stood. He took my hand and I
began leading him to the cabin I shared with Jolie,
conveniently located on the Empress deck, two floors down.
We walked to the nearest elevator. Soon the doors opened to
reveal an empty compartment and we discovered that no one
was waiting with us, which was rare and beautiful. Together,
we stepped inside the doors and smiled at each other as they
closed behind us. Again I had tingles and he hadn’t even
touched me yet. Luckily he didn’t make me wait long. Soon
he had positioned me directly in front of him and started
running his hands up and down my arms.
As if his actions weren’t stoking the flames, he started
whispering words in my ear. “Nameless wife, do you have
any idea how beautiful you are?” he murmured, sending
shivers down my spine.
“Tell me,” I suggested, my voice catching in my throat.
Chuckling, his words hummed inside me. “It’s like
staring at the sun, but I can’t look away. You make me
positively burn for you,” he claimed.
By the time the door opened, he had pressed into my
buttocks so I could feel his erection. It was so hard and fit so
nicely in between that I regretted the clothing separating us.
I swear if he’d have suggested it, I would have dropped my
panties and bent over right there. I’m pretty sure, from the
sexy and confident look on his face, he knew it too.
We exited and walked down the hall at a brisk pace,
exchanging smiles and heated looks. Finally, I stopped in
front of my cabin door. Of all the times to have to fumble for
my card, this was the worst. My frustration was mounting.
Then Jolie opened the door.
Smiling, and looking sexy as hell with her hair all messed
up, Jolie asked, “Well, what do we have here?”
3
F or a brief moment, I thought this was going to be one of
those dark disappointing moments of my life. Once again, I
was reminded to place more faith and trust in Jolie. For the
first time, I was able to see the kind of man Mr. Bedroom
Eyes was. While I stood just outside the door, frozen, unsure
of what to do next, Jolie stepped back to allow us entry and
Mr. BE gave me a gentle push to get me moving in the right
direction even as I wanted to dig my heels in and go to his
cabin instead.
Soon, all three of us were in that small confined space
with the door closed behind us. For once, I had nothing to
say. I was nursing an unspeakable frustration as my body
thrummed with unfulfilled need. Finding the cabin occupied
had done nothing to quench the flames. There I stood, Jolie
in front of me, Mr. BE behind me, wondering what to say or
do.
Suddenly, seductively, Mr. BE’s arms slid around me
drawing me closer to his body, wedging him right where I
wanted him. He pressed into me and my eyelids slammed
shut while I instinctively bit my lip as I felt his throbbing
cock jerking against my butt cheeks. One of his hands moved
low along my belly, finally diving down and pressing hard
against my pelvic bone. I was so horny I thought my knees
were going to give out. Then his other hand slid along my
side until he reached the juncture of my arm and body. I
gasped in surprise as he slid inward until he was cupping my
boob. Oh, the sweet yearning shooting through me as he
manipulated the hard nub.
I forced my eyes open, giving Jolie a pained look, a
pleading look. If he didn’t have sense enough to suggest we
leave, then I wanted her to get out, to leave us to this, to let
me enjoy the rock hard cock pressing insistently against me.
Instead, she stood her ground. Clearly she was fascinated,
watching, and waiting. The girl wasn’t taking a hint. It’s not
like he was being subtle about his intentions. In frustration, I
managed to grunt out her name. “Jolie,” I urged, cutting my
eyes toward the door.
Instantly she was moved to action, but it wasn’t the
action I was expecting. She reached out to me, ran her hands
along my shoulders, and pulled the straps of my sundress
down my arms until Mr. BE moved his hands and
immediately the dress lay in a pool around my ankles.
Honestly, I wasn’t sure where this was going, but I was in
agony and when I get to that place, pretty much anything
goes. That was, after all, how Jolie had her way with me the
other night.
As porns go, this…was nothing like it. I was the lucky one,
the one with two interested parties striving to pleasure me. I
had two different hands playing with my breasts. I knew I
was ridiculously wet. I could feel the ache. It refused to
subside. The two of them continued to stoke the fire. While
Jolie kissed a trail down the side of my face, I turned my
head to allow her access. The minute my head moved, he was
there, claiming my lips, searing me with a heated kiss that
left me whimpering. By now, she’d found my nipples and
was licking and sucking like it was her job. There were hands
everywhere, lips all over me, kissing and sucking.
The second there was a break in contact by Jolie, I pulled
her up and dropped her dress in the same fashion she had
done to me moments earlier. Then we turned our attention
to Mr. BE. We worked together to undress him with such
finesse that he had to wonder if we had ever done this before.
While he seemed reasonably confident, Jolie helped clear the
air before we went too crazy.
“Just so you know, I’m strictly a taco girl. I have tried
sausage, but it’s not for me. So, you can do everything but
stick your dick in me. Got it?” She softened the serious tone
of her voice with one of her killer smiles.
He nodded. “And just so you know, I would never do
anything to you without my wife’s permission.” He smiled
and winked at me. Jolie never even questioned his words.
That’s how well she knows me.
Part of me wanted to be so greedy. I really did want him
all to myself at the moment, but curiosity and need were
winning out. So far this had been the most sensual and
seductive experience of my life and I just wanted it to go on…
and on…and on. I looked him in the eyes and melted. Those
words he had spoken, he meant them. He really did. There
was no pleading in his face, no begging with his eyes. He
would’ve been perfectly content to not touch her at all. Too
bad he was my rebound man. He would have made awesome
boyfriend material. All I could say to him was, “You heard
her rules. We’re good. Just…remember who you’re married
to.” I winked at him.
Then he leaned in and kissed me, hugging me close so
that every bit of my naked body lined up with his. His
warmth transferred to me, and any chill I might have felt
while standing there undressed beneath the air conditioning
vent, was instantly gone. Before I knew what we were doing,
somehow all three of us were on the bed, writhing, naked,
and wanting together.
I’m not sure what I liked best, but there were a few
positions that just seemed to make everyone happier. For
one thing, I noticed that he never kissed her. That level of
intimacy seemed to be reserved for me. He touched her
boobs and did his best to help her feel included, but all the
real attention was on me. If I had been capable of loving
someone else, I might’ve picked him in that moment. In fact,
somewhere along the way, that’s what I decided to do. Just
live for one week like it was my last. Let my feelings be. Just
be with him.
At one point, I was finally tired of all the oral play. After
Kyle, I never thought I’d say that, but apparently it was
possible to get worn out on it. The time had come. I needed
Mr. BE in me. I pushed on him to show him what it was I
wanted, for him to be on his back. Once he complied, I
straddled him. All that foreplay had left me wet, so wet I
knew even his large hard cock would slide right in. Because I
wanted to savor this more than I had ever savored any sexual
experience my entire life, I slowly slid down all the way until
I was impaled on him. Never before had I felt so full. I could
barely tighten around him. It was almost too much. Then I
relaxed into it and started riding him. Jolie took her cue. His
head was thrown back in ecstasy, so she straddled his face.
For a moment, I worried how he would react. To me, that
was such a personal experience. I had allowed very few
people oral access, but he began eating her out in such a way
that she was moaning.
Soon we were playing with each other’s breasts. Jolie was
making these sexy whimpering noises. “Just like that,” she
instructed him. “Keep going.”
Seeing her so excited and uninhibited made me ride him
with even more enthusiasm. Not long after, we were all on
the verge of coming. I think I sped the process up with my
reaction to the incredible experience. Having him inside only
encouraged my frantic hip thrusts as I struggled to end the
torment. So many of my erogenous zones were being pleased
all at once, it was driving me out of my mind. He could feel
my excitement and it enhanced his, which in turn caused
him to give Jolie the tongue lashing of her life. She moved off
his face and was rendered whimpering and quivering on the
bed for a bit after. We barely noticed because we were so
wrapped up in each other.
“Are you close?” he asked. There was an almost pained
look on his face that I took to mean he was struggling to hold
back.
“Waiting for me,” I teased in between gasps of pleasure.
“What a gentleman.”
Rolling us suddenly, he looked down on me from his new
position of superiority and smiled. “I try. Now I’m going to
try and make you come.”
Staring down at me, our eyes connected, just as our
bodies were. Neither of us could stop as he continued to slam
into me, my hips moving to meet him. It didn’t take more
than a few thrusts before I could feel the shattering within.
The rolling orgasm was so pleasant, so exhausting in the
very best of ways. He must have realized when I came
because he soon joined me. Inside, I felt it, felt his semen
spurting against my vaginal walls. My eyes widened in
surprise. Seriously, I could count the number of times I had
experienced that in all my years of sexual activity.
When he finished, he pulled out and lay behind me,
moving me to my side so we could spoon. He was holding
me, cuddling me close, ordering us to nap. I could do nothing
but go along with it. Muscles I hadn’t used in a long time had
received an incredible workout. My mind was struggling to
process everything that had happened. My heart was still
racing like I had run a marathon. This man was such a bad
idea.
Jolie dressed quietly, slipping the dress on over her head,
and prepared to let herself out of the room. He stopped her.
“Hey, Jolie,” he called, raising his head off the pillow to look
in her direction. She stopped and stared without speaking.
“Would you mind if I moved your girl into my room for the
remainder of the cruise?” His arms tightened around me
while he waited for her response.
She dropped her head to one side as she considered his
request. “Will you be giving her plenty of orgasms?” she
asked openly.
“More than she can handle.”
“Then…enjoy. I’ll collect her again at customs after the
cruise.” She smiled at me, turned and headed out the cabin
door.
“Well, that settles it,” he murmured against my cheek.
“Looks like you’re staying with me.”
I sighed. “Somehow, I think this is going to be a horrible
idea. Promise not to fall in love with me,” I said seriously in
a sad quiet voice.
He laughed. “I promise.”
“One last thing.” I paused to take in a deep breath.
“Promise you won’t make me fall in love with you,” I added.
I was more afraid of falling in love than anything. For some
people, it was heights or snakes or spiders or the number
thirteen. I feared love. If there was anything I had learned in
years on this earth, it was that people did some stupid shit in
the name of love. Happened all the time. It made one party or
the other believe in a permanence that simply didn’t exist. I
sure as hell wasn’t going to fall prey to that way of thinking.
Ever.
He turned my face to his. “I promise,” he said quietly and
punctuated his claim with a kiss.
Just a few hours later, we were headed to his cabin. He
marveled over how light I packed. “Really? One bag?” He
kept shaking his head.
“Of course. I don’t need a lot. And what I decide I need, I
buy.” I shrugged. I wasn’t materialistic in the least. The ring
he bought me was the nicest piece of jewelry I owned. I had a
few necklaces I had picked up here and there for under
twenty dollars each. I wore some earrings, but none with
gemstones or real quality. That wasn’t the life I lived.
When you are a digital nomad, there are no office dress
codes, no corporate events, no parties or gatherings you
need to impress at. In the past, I have worked beside the
pool, at a café, in libraries, in hotels. I have worn everything
from bikinis to bathrobes. It fit me. I liked it. Even after ten
years, I had no desire to change for anyone.
We finally stopped in front of what must be his cabin door
as he was currently opening it with his card. I was careful not
to look at the card because it had his name on it. While
clearly I was all about breaking some rules, that was not
going to be one of them. He pushed the door open and stood
aside for effect.
Now, Jolie and I had an ocean view room. That was all I
needed. I didn’t plan on being in the room much. And I sure
as hell didn’t want to waste money where I didn’t have to.
That’s what husbands are for. He had a suite. It was one of
the top of the line suites…complete with bathtub and big ass
balcony. Only, I was not that girl. I wasn’t going to run
squealing into the room. I was not going to give him that
kind of satisfaction by being so easily impressed.
Casually, I entered the room, barely glanced around, and
simply lay on the bed seductively. “What now, handsome
husband?” I asked playfully.
“Now we refuel. Let’s get ready to eat. Fine dining
tonight. I’m guessing you don’t have anything to wear.” He
glanced at his watch. It was just five in the evening. “Let’s go
shopping. We’ll go to dinner after that and a shower. Sound
good?”
Shrugging, I replied, “Sure, why not?”
Apparently that was all the encouragement he needed to
spend money. We were soon heading to pick out
eveningwear. What I loved about the experience was that he
could see me in all these amazing dresses. It really could be
fun getting dressed up, especially since I never really had the
opportunity.
Holding the door open for me, we entered the shop. All
the stores onboard were small with large quantities of
merchandise squished into a small area to sell. The one
exception had been the jewelry store because…well, my guess
would be the cost. There were racks of dresses, stuffed and
tucked in every space of the shop. It was a bit intimidating,
knowing I would have to pull out each dress I might be
interested in.
“How can I help you?” the young Asian woman working
behind the counter asked.
Mr. BE spoke first. “Yes, we’re going to need some
dresses for the rest of the cruise.”
“Of course!” she exclaimed with a smile. “Now will these
be rentals or purchases.”
“Rentals,” I responded. Why the hell would I need ball
gowns and cocktail dresses?
Shaking his head, BE said, “Purchases.”
When I started to open my mouth, he put a finger on my
lips. “But,” I began.
“No buts,” he argued. “Can you please get us one of
everything in her size to look at?”
By the time he was done speaking, I was busy glaring at
him. He seemed oblivious as he smiled and walked around
the shop glancing at the purses. He turned holding a cute
black one up. “Stop!” I urged.
Moving closer to me, he smiled. “You look so
uncomfortable. Is it wearing a fancy dress?” I shook my
head. “Is it trying on a bunch of dresses?”
Laughing, I warned, “Oh no. I love trying on dresses. And
in doing so, I look forward to making you uncomfortable.”
“How’s that?” he asked, genuinely confused.
“You’ll see.”
Just then, the saleswoman returned with an armload of
dresses. “Ready to try them on?”
At her words, I turned, following after her, strutting
slightly as I imagined how I was going to make BE want me.
It didn’t take him long to understand my plan. When I
strutted out wearing that first dress, he beamed, Walking
like a runway model, I made my way out to the front of the
shop where he waited. As I walked, hips swaying, braless
breasts bouncing, I could see it. He knew I was trying to
torture him. From his actions, I saw that it was working.
“How many dresses?” he asked the woman.
“There are twelve,” she replied.
“We’ll take them all,” he said weakly. “Can you have
them sent to our cabin?” Without another room, he passed
her the cabin card, which acted like a credit card.
“Certainly,” she said with a smile.
Then he rushed me out the door. “I haven’t changed,” I
complained.
“Doesn’t matter. I already paid,” he replied as he dragged
me down the hall. We were at the elevator in seconds but
there were so many people waiting that he veered off to the
side and we started up the stairs instead. Then it was up the
second flight of stairs and down a long hall to the cabin.
“Did you pay for the shoes too?” I asked. “Because you
whisked me out of the shop before I could take them off.”
“Don’t know. Don’t care,” he laughed as he stopped to
pull out his card to unlock the cabin. Once he popped the
door open, he turned to me and asked, “Know what I do care
about?”
Smiling, I said, “I have an idea.” Then I walked casually
inside.
“You. I care about you. At the moment, I especially care
about exerting my spousal privileges.” As I walked by him
into the room, he reached up and yanked the zipper on my
dress. Sure enough, it began to slip down my body.
“I sure hope they return my bra when they bring the
other dresses,” I mentioned offhandedly. “It was one of my
favorites.”
“I’ll replace it. We have bigger problems at the moment,”
he said as he yanked off his shirt and dropped his shorts. His
erection made a huge tent on the front of his boxer briefs.
“Would this be the bigger problem you mentioned?”
Nodding, he said, “Yup. I’ve never had this problem
before.”
“What? Erections?”
“I’m positively insatiable,” he said slightly awed.
“Well, it’s always better to be positive. Turn your problem
into what it really is…an opportunity.” I winked. “I know just
what to do about that.
“Yeah? What’s that?” he asked.
“I could tell you, but I’d rather show you.” Without
saying another word, I dropped to my knees. Truth be told, I
was still a little sore from our tryst with Jolie. My vagina
needed a break, but hey, who was I to deny him? With so
many other options, I knew I could still satisfy him without
putting myself out of commission for days.
Lying down on the bed, I motioned for him to join me. He
pulled off his underwear with a smile and lay beside me.
Shaking my head, I urged him up. “Nope. On me. On your
knees. Right here.” Then I made it clear he was supposed to
straddle my chest. I think that’s when the light bulb went off
in his head. “Ever done this before?” I asked as I wrapped
my breasts around his erection.
Eyes wide, he shook his head. “Aren’t you worried I’ll spit
in your face, so to speak?” he asked almost shyly.
“Nah, it’s almost the point. Of course, if you give me
enough warning, I’ll swallow,” I assured him.
I swear, just saying that had his pre-come flowing,
creating a natural lubrication for the act. It didn’t take long
for him to figure out how to do it. While I concentrated on
keeping his cock tucked in between my breasts, he had his
hands balanced on the wall, and his hips were pumping.
Smiling down at me, he said, “You are incredible. You
know that?”
Something about the way he said it made me believe it. Of
course, the orgasm he had moments later didn’t hurt either.
Instead of warning me as I had requested, he pulled away
from my chest, pointed his penis down so that all of his
semen pooled on my belly and even filled my navel.
“Ah, the sperm spa,” I joked. “You know, I offered to
swallow…”
“If I had a misfire, I never would have forgiven myself,”
he explained. “You are beautiful, special, and worthy of
respect. Ejaculating in your face would just be so
disrespectful that I could never do that to you.” At that, he
stood, walked into the bathroom and returned with a towel
to clean up his mess while I lay there and considered
everything he said.
Nothing in my life has prepared me for this man. Nothing.
Not my bastard of a step-father, not my grandparents’
minister, nothing. There is no male in my life to which I can
compare this pretend husband. Instead of feeling confident
and in control like I had been when I contemplated this
arrangement and even initiated the conversation, I felt like I
was waiting for the shoe to drop. I was waiting for him to
show his true colors. No one could be this giving, this
generous, or this good. Though I had just hours before made
the claim that I was going to just be, completely live in the
moment this week, I soon found myself watching and
waiting for him to fuck up. They always do. That’s what all
the men in my life have taught me. They have shown me that
men fuck up and when they do, they tend to fuck over the
women who love them. These rules I live by, they weren’t
created out of a passing fancy. No, years of experiment and
experience went into their creation.
Now, Mr. BE is here. For the moment. He’s spoiling the
hell out of me, even though I could well spoil the hell out of
myself. For someone who is usually so confident and certain,
I’m so confused. Thank God our first encounter was with
Jolie present. I’m going to need backup on this one, but first,
a shower.
Without thinking, I automatically followed my normal
routine, gathering my clothes and toiletries, I headed into
the bathroom to shower and get ready for the night. For
some reason, it felt really important to me that he be
impressed with my efforts, this nameless husband I had
acquired over the last few hours. So, when I was in the
shower and he suddenly walked in and pulled back the
curtain, I reacted. “Hey! No peeking,” I said more out of
habit than modesty as I covered as much skin as possible
with my arms and crossed legs.
“To peek would suggest that I’m not supposed to look,”
he said in a low voice. “I, however, am able to look wherever
and whenever I want.” With that proclamation, he leaned in
and kissed me on the center of my forehead, on each temple,
on the tip of my nose, then hovered over my lips, until ours
were not even a breath apart. I was instantly ready for him,
but he said, “Later.” Then he stood straight and walked back
out of the bathroom.
It took me a moment to recover from his closeness. It
took me longer than that to process what had happened. I’m
pretty confident the man was trying to seduce me. Damn, it
was working. How was I going to survive four courses in the
dining room? I thought for a moment, then a smile spread
across my face. I would simply have to enjoy torturing him
too.
Thus began our game of cat and cat. No one wanted to be
the mouse. Instead, we suddenly viewed each other as prey.
Ah, a pretend marriage of real equals. Immediately, I
reconsidered my dress for the meal. I chose something that
was tight fitting, strapless, and showed my boobs to
perfection in scarlet. If I was on fire, I was going to look the
part. Even more importantly, if I was suffering, I was going
to make sure he suffered too. I wore the tiniest panties I
owned, a thong that really consisted of the tiniest cotton
patch and three pieces of dental floss connected with a silver
shamrock at the back. They were sexy and suggestive and
utterly perfect for this scenario. This time I wore no bra, just
some pasties over the nipples to keep it family friendly.
As a final touch I sprayed on one of my random perfumes
in the cleavage, behind the neck, around the throat and in
the bend of my arms and behind my knees. Carefully, I
applied my smoky eyes, finished with a thick coat of
mascara, and completed the look with a rich lush lipstick. I
couldn’t wait to see his reaction.
Throwing my shoulders back confidently, I walked out of
the room in scarlet-strapped heels. Though I tried to behave
as if the entire quality of our evening was not based on his
first words, to me…they kind of were. I grabbed my clutch,
made sure to pack a lip gloss and my cards, then went to
stand near the door. “Ready?” I asked, striking a pose that I
hoped would look natural.
He smiled. “Nope. You’re not. Not yet.” He stood and
walked over to me. Then he handed me a jewelry box. I just
stared at it in my hands. “Open it,” he suggested in a low
voice.
After another slight hesitation, I pushed back the lid and
discovered a pair of diamond earrings. “So, are these on
loan?” I asked, always practical.
“Nope, they are yours. I told you. I want you to always
remember our time together.” Then he reached out and
affixed one earring to each ear. “I have to admit, it gives me
a lot of pleasure to see them on you.”
“Know what else can give you a lot of pleasure?” I asked
playfully.
He smirked as he looked at me and responded simply,
“What?”
Leaning in, I kissed his lips. Growing bolder, I kissed a
trail up his jaw line until I reached his ear. After nipping at
the lobe, I murmured, “Me.” Then I broke contact and
headed for the door. Always, and I can’t stress this enough,
always leave them wanting more. I turned as I reached for
the handle. “Coming?” I asked.
My question snapped him out of his reverie. Soon he was
trailing after me, which was precisely the effect I had hoped
for. We walked to the elevator, punched the button, and as
we waited, his hand found the small of my back. I loved that.
So few men still do that, lay a hand on a woman’s lower
back, but they totally should. It is such a protective and
loving gesture. So why was Mr. BE doing it?
I glanced up at him quizzically. He smiled and responded,
“What? You don’t want your husband to touch you? That
would break our agreement.” He winked at me. Just then the
doors opened and we headed down to dinner.
Clearly he knew. He knew what so few men had figured
out. These gestures of love really worked. I was definitely
pulling out all the stops at dinner. The wait that evening was
surprisingly short. Maybe the bulk of the passengers had the
early seating. All I knew for certain was it was game on the
moment we were brought to our table. Since we were a party
of two, we were assigned seats at a table with two other
couples.
Introductions were made as soon as we were seated. Then
my hands appeared to be folded demurely in my lap, but in
reality, my left hand was sliding into his personal space until
it found his upper thigh. He jumped the first time I squeezed
it and started massaging it. His eyebrows rose, then he
calmed down, relaxed into it.
“Problem, handsome?” I teased while I continued
rubbing his thigh.
“Of course not, my love,” he said. It gave me shivers,
even as I knew that he was only using such a term of
endearment for the benefit of the couples around the table.
Apparently he had now decided it was time and he upped
the ante. Our drinks arrived and we could see the first course
being passed out around the room. There was some small
talk while we waited.
“This is our first cruise,” the woman to the left of BE
said. It was obvious she didn’t get out much. She could
barely contain her excitement. “You?” Her question was
directed toward us as a couple.
“Nope, it’s my third,” I said like the jaded traveler I had
become. Massaging his thigh had grown tiresome, and now
my hand just rested remarkably close to his inner thigh.
“Mine, too,” BE said, looking at me in surprise. Now, I
wasn’t sure how to take this. Was he saying it because we
were supposed to be married and therefore would share a lot
of the same travel stories? Or was he genuinely intrigued to
discover we had this much in common? “One was the
Hawaiian islands,” he explained. “The other was Alaska.”
I could feel all eyes upon us, so I explained. “This is our
honeymoon. We met and fell in love, married very quickly.”
Turning to smile up at him. “We’re still getting to know each
other. It’s been fun.”
“That’s right,” BE said, leaning over. “For example, I
know she loves this.” Soon, he had one hand knotted in my
hair, playing with it, massaging my neck, and rubbing my
scalp.
It felt amazing, so soothing. Every once in a while he
would get a handful and tug it just enough for me to feel it. I
could feel myself dazing out, falling completely under his
spell. “If you aren’t careful, my face will be in your lap
before dessert.” Damn, this man is simply not playing fair.
As the meal wore on, I could tell we were both affected by
the other’s actions. “Look,” he murmured in my ear, “you
made it dessert and your face isn’t in my lap.”
“Barely,” I admitted.
Whispering in my ear, he offered up the best idea ever.
“What if we leave? Right now.”
Nodding, I pushed out my chair. BE stood and took my
hand.We excused ourselves before coffee.
“It was a pleasure meeting all of you, but I don’t drink
coffee. Ulcer,” he explained.
“Oh, but what about your lovely wife?” the woman to his
left asked.
Holding up my hand, I said, “Don’t worry about me. If I
drink that, I’ll be up half the night.”
As we walked away, I could hear the rest of the group at
the table talking. “They should have stayed for coffee” the
woman teased. “I’m pretty sure they are going to be up half
the night anyway.”
Turning, I smiled at her as we walked out of the fine
dining room. More than anything, I hoped she was right and
he meant what he suggested when we decided to leave. I
really wouldn’t mind being kept up half the night by him.
After all, tomorrow was a full day at sea before we even
reached Grand Turk. I didn’t mind missing breakfast,
especially when there was twenty-four-hour room service.
Hell, at the moment, I wouldn’t mind if we never left the
cabin.
We walked to the elevator and Mr. BE looked at me
seriously. “So, did you want to get a drink or take a walk?”
Oh, he was good. Apparently the games were still on.
Well, I wasn’t going to be the one to break first. “You know
what? I think I’d like to do both,” I responded calmly as I
hooked my arm through his. That’s right, Alysin, I thought,
play it cool. You’ve got this, girl. Only, I didn’t. I was jelly and
hot and quivery inside. I tingled in places that had never
tingled before. Worse, there was this strange stirring like
something in me long dormant had been awakened. Keep it
together.
We walked to the piano bar where he ordered us a bottle
of wine. Not a glass. Not a carafe. No, we were having an
entire bottle. It was some Pinot Noir he claimed I would
really enjoy. “I don’t know about this,” I joked. “I like my
wine sweet.”
He reached over, grabbed my left hand that bore his ring,
and kissed it. “Just like you like your men?” he asked with a
smile.
“Oh, no. Past experience tells me I like my men dry and
nutty.” I slowly pulled my hand back as I smiled happily at
him. “How do you like your women?”
“Hmmm,” he said while scrunching his face up into what
was apparently his thinking look. “I haven’t found any
women who I’ve liked in a long time. No attraction. No
compatibility. They sounded perfect for your men…very
nutty.”
I laughed, but I couldn’t help but wonder how long it
would take for me to regret that Mr. BE was my rebound.
Every minute I knew him, I liked him more. In relationships,
that seemed to be half the battle. Shoot, I didn’t even want
Kyle around half the time. No wonder I kept turning him
down when he asked about us living together. It was good we
weren’t together. It was simply lousy the way it ended. In my
mind, Kyle will forever be branded a coward.
Somehow, when I was finally present once more, done
with the reminiscing about the state of my life, I realized he
had his arm around me. Moments later he was whispering in
my ear, “Dance with me.”
I glanced about the room. “No one is dancing,” I said. “I
don’t even think the room is big enough to dance.”
“Ha,” he said seriously. “Just follow my lead.”
Raising an eyebrow, I responded in the sexiest voice I
could manage, “Don’t I always?”
He chuckled. “It’s a little early on in the relationship for
me to comment on that, but if you’re keeping track…so far,
so good.” Then he yanked me off my seat and into his arms.
Next thing I knew, we were swaying to the music, our bodies
pressed together so tightly I couldn’t figure out where one of
us began and the other one ended.
This entire seduction scene was taking a toll on me. There
was entirely too much touching, too much closeness. There
were entirely too many clothes and people. He was making
me feel things I neither wanted nor had any business feeling.
Yet…I couldn’t stop. The whole time, there was also this
underlying need to find out what would happen next. I had to
ride this out, let it run its course. So what if I lost myself for
a week? That was all I was capable of at the moment. I had
no idea where I was going to move. Starting something was
not an option.
As we spun around together, I was so lost in the moment I
never realized how many people were actually paying
attention to us, watching our every move, until the song
ended. Then…he dipped me. I’ve seen it in movies. It always
looked so fun, so effortless, and with Mr. BE…it was. Damn,
this man and his amazing upper body strength. My hair
brushed the floor. I threw my head back like I had seen on
screen, and then he pulled me up and against him.
“You look flushed,” he said as he nuzzled my neck and
walked me back to our wine.
By now we’d each had a glass of wine to drink. Add to that
the drink with dinner, the dancing, and the non-stop
foreplay…yeah, I’m sure I was flushed. “I am hot…and
bothered,” I admitted, while watching him for a reaction.
His face was buried in my hair at the moment. “Not
bothered too?” he murmured against my ear. I didn’t have to
speak; I merely nodded. “Well, let’s go then.” He pulled
away long enough for me to feel the absence.
It surprised me, but not as much as his next move.
Picking up both wine glasses, he passed one to me. Then,
doing that hand on my lower back thing that I was already
craving, we headed out of the piano bar and up to the lido
deck. All I could think was…wrong direction! I wanted to be
naked, in his arms, in our cabin. Crap! I was using words like
‘ours’ already. His. His cabin. Mr. BE’s cabin. Dammit.
We headed through the automatic doors and that
ridiculous blower as we exited onto the top open-air deck of
the boat. It was dark, the kind of dark it should be out in the
middle of the ocean. The only lighting was the ship’s party
lights strung around the top. He walked me to the back of the
boat, through the buffet, passed me both wine glasses,
paused briefly to pick up a few things—some strawberries
spooned into two bowls, then each of them was topped with
some whipped cream, and a bit of chocolate sauce. I loved
the way he thought, as long as he was thinking what I was
thinking. Damn, I hoped he was thinking what I was
thinking.
His little snack screamed ‘fun with food.’ It was
something I had always enjoyed, with the right guy. With the
wrong guy, it really wasn’t worth the mess. Oh, but
something about Mr. BE told me I was going to enjoy every
moment with him. When we reached the back of the ship, I
realized we were alone. It had to be later than I thought.
That’s what happens when you’re having fun. Time flies.
Suddenly, my chest tightened. This week…would fly and then
it would be over. I closed my eyes. Just enjoy this. Just make
some memories. Fuck. I was turning into a regular girl after
one day with my mystery man.
“Would you like to sit down?”
Sit? Really. I didn’t. Sitting suggested a need for comfort
because we were going to be there for a while. The only place
I wanted to get comfortable was the bed. Though I wanted
nothing more than to be alone with him while struggling to
play it cool, he had put on the brakes. Suddenly, this had
turned into more of a power struggle than I anticipated. Oh,
and I planned to win. “Sure,” I said as I sat down in a seat
that was farthest away from the door, right up against the
railing, as private as I could manage at the moment. If we
couldn’t actually be alone, I was at least going to feel like we
were.
Once seated, I propped my feet up on the railing. I knew it
would make the dress fall just right, exposing my legs. I had
always been told that they were one of my best features. I
tone up with regular yoga, eat right, and have never been
pregnant which means I still have plenty of good features.
I’m not perfect, but I like me. I’m comfortable naked. I
thought I’d especially be comfortable naked with him.
A smile spread across his face as he glanced at my legs.
Pushing one of the dishes toward me, he asked, “Care for a
snack?
“Do I get to be dessert?” I asked, leaning my upper body
on the table. It has always served me well to plant ideas in
men’s minds. If I knew men, he would be imagining sex with
me…right now.
To up the ante, I picked up the reddest, lushest
strawberry I set eyes on, then dipped it in whipped cream.
Slowly, I guided it to my open waiting mouth, taking a
moment to lick the whipped cream first. I closed my eyes as I
bit into it and pretended to be savoring that bite way more
than I actually was. When I opened my eyes once more, he
was smiling.
Inches from my lips, his hand hovered, waiting for my
attention. On his extended finger, a healthy dollop of
whipped cream. “Oops,” he said.
“Funny, you don’t look like you made a mistake,” I
murmured as I reached out, wrapped my hand around his
extended finger and drew it to my mouth. In seconds, I’d
licked the cream off his finger with a combination of short
flicks and long lingering licks. “Well, it looks clean,” I
began, “but just to be sure…” Then I took his finger in my
mouth, his whole finger while staring into his eyes. I sucked
on it a moment, letting it slide out, then sucking it back in as
I relished the feel of his fingerprint on my tongue. I swear I
felt him shiver. Finally, I took his finger out and said, “All
better.”
His finger was clean, but now, if I had done it right, his
mind was dirty. With any luck, filthy dirty. How I wanted this
man. I loved it and hated it. Still, I my desire for BE was
undeniable.
Gazing up at him from under my eyelashes, he surprised
me by suddenly cupping my face and drawing me nearer. His
kisses were no longer a surprise. I knew his tells. I was
definitely about to be kissed.
When our lips met, there was an instant tingle that
traveled from my mouth and radiated through my entire
being. By the time we pulled away, he was drawing me up to
a standing position. “I think we need this snack to go,” he
murmured.
Apparently I was about to get everything I wanted, maybe
more. Nodding, I let him place his hand on my lower back
and send me in the direction of the nearest elevator while
picking up our bowls. While we waited, he kissed down the
back of my neck. It was difficult for me to really relax into it.
Suddenly this moment seemed so intimate that the very idea
of anyone happening upon us really bothered me.
Thankfully, we didn’t have to wait long and the doors
opened to reveal we had it all to ourselves. Perfect.
Turning, I discovered that BE’s hands were occupied,
each one holding a big serving of the strawberries, whipped
cream, and chocolate sauce. He couldn’t have been more
immobile if I had tied him up. With a smile, I closed the
distance between us and nuzzled into his neck. Truth be told,
the hollow where his neck and clavicle met was my favorite
place to kiss a man. It fit my face and I could simply burrow
in and inhale the scent of him, which I now did. Forever
would the smell unique to him be imprinted on my mind.
“What are you doing?” he asked as I lazily slid each
button from its hole in his shirt. As I did so, I kissed, licked,
nipped and teased my way down toward his beltline.
“That should be obvious,” I said. “But in case you haven’t
figured it out, I’m seducing you.”
“What if I don’t want to be seduced?” he asked, his
tongue slowly traveling the length of his lower lip.
“Then you’re missing the whole point of seduction,” I
explained, teasing one exposed nipple with my teeth. “It’s all
about making you want something you didn’t know you just
had to have.” Then I winked at him meaningful, which
earned me a huge smile.
“By that definition, you’ve been seducing me from the
minute we met,” he said smoothly.
Moments later, the doors parted once more revealing
another empty floor. Stepping out, I turned back to give him
my best ‘come hither’ look. He immediately began following
me with a chuckle. Making my hip sway more pronounced, I
didn’t even turn back until we reached the cabin.
“Oh, let me get that,” I murmured. His hands were full,
making it impossible for him to reach into his pocket and
retrieve the key card. Effortlessly, I slipped my hand into his
pants and along his thigh until I had found what I sought.
Pulling it out, I moved to open the door.
“When my hands are finally free,” he began, in what was
probably supposed to sound like a threatening tone, but only
served to put a smile on my face.
“You’ll what?” I asked as I bounced through the door.
Before I could wonder, he had set the food down on the
desk and chased me to the bed where he pushed the monkey
pillow animal off to the side. After clearing a space, he
focused on the activity at hand. “You liked how I couldn’t
touch you, couldn’t respond?” he asked in a low sexy voice.
“Your turn.”
With no time to question, my body was simply responding
to his actions. His kisses were the drug, which sedated me
enough so I never noticed he had removed his tie. When I
thought he was being all erotic in positioning me, holding
my hands over my head, he was in fact tying me to the light
on the wall over the bed.
“Huh,” I commented when I realized my predicament.
Staring at him, I realized how his amazing blue eyes
sparkled. “You are really enjoying this, aren’t you?”
Throwing his head back, he chuckled. “You have no idea. I
promise before I’m through, you will too.”
“I’m holding you to this,” I remarked.
“Impossible, I just can’t see it since you’re in no position
to hold anything,” he responded with a wink. Then he
studied me critically, tugging at his chin. “Something is
wrong with this picture.”
Frowning for a moment, I asked, “What is it?”
Walking closer to me once more, he reached behind me
and unzipped my dress. That single act had me quivering in
anticipation. Moving painstakingly slow, he pulled it down
until it revealed my teeny tiny undergarments. Swallowing
hard, he said, “Pasties, a patch of silk, and some dental
floss? That’s all you had on under there? Had I known that,
we probably wouldn’t have left the room,” he announced.
“Maybe tomorrow, I’ll wear even less,” I announced.
“With room service, we wouldn’t have to leave at all.” My
eyebrow arched in challenge.
“Let’s just try to make it through tonight first. You may
need the break.” BE leaned over me and began removing the
scarlet nipple covers. “Strawberries,” he murmured. Then he
smiled and my breath quickened.
Pushing off the bed, he headed to the desk where the
bowls were waiting. As I watched him make his way back to
the bed, this intense look in his eyes, I couldn’t help but
shiver with anticipation. He must have noticed because a
grin spread. After carefully selecting a ripe, red berry, he
brought it to my mouth. There were drips of chocolate and
some blobs of whipped cream on it. Though he fed it to me
ever so carefully, there were still gooey bits around my lips.
Though I planned to lick, the moment he saw my tongue dart
out of my mouth, he stopped me.
“You just relax. I’ve got it,” he murmured as he leaned
low and began to kiss and suck the sugary sweetness from
the corners of my growing smile.
While he played with the bowl, I could practically see a
plan forming in his mind. “You know,” he began slowly, “I
watched a movie once with a hot girl in a whipped cream
bikini.”
“I think I’m familiar with it,” I said. Inside, the warmth
was already building as I imagined the fun we could have.
“The movie I’m referring to was a bunch of teenagers,
athletes. For them, fucking was almost a sport. Through the
years, I’ve come to believe it should be treated more like an
art form.” As he spoke, he no longer looked me in the eyes,
no longer focused on my facial reactions. Instead, he was
running his finger through the bowl, scooping up some the
contents and finally connecting with my skin. BE found his
mark just outside of my areola. Tracing the rim with his
finger, he painted my skin with the chocolate sauce.
While he worked, I was completely mesmerized. His touch
was making me breathe in such a way some would have
thought I was panting. As it continued, I could feel a moan
welling up in my throat.
“Want me show you everything that I just adore about
getting to know you?” he said quietly, focused on his finger
painting.
Nodding, I whimpered. “Yes, please.” Somehow I hoped
this would move him along, since I couldn’t prod him. Being
tied up was frustrating in some ways and oh so sexy in
others.
Slowly, the chocolate sauce on my nipple turned into a
heart. Once he was satisfied with the shape, he spoke. “I love
the shape of your nipple, the hard nub that forms from all
the attention I give it.” He leaned down and planted a light
kiss on the very tip. It wasn’t nearly enough so I opened my
mouth to complain. “Patience,” he warned. “You want me to
go faster, you need to stop interrupting me.”
In response to his words, my mouth snapped shut. BE
looked at me and smiled before continuing. Much to my
delight, he started slowly, carefully, licking every bit of the
chocolate off. His attentions had me writhing. If only my
hands were free to run through his hair, to scratch down his
back. Knowing that he didn’t even want me to speak, or risk
ruining the moment, I turned my face to my arm and bit it to
keep from crying out. This was simply too much, and yet the
torture continued. Looking back at him, I couldn’t help but
watch.
“Here,” he murmured. This time he made only a dot with
the whipped cream on the bridge of my nose in between my
eyes. “I have wanted to do this for so long.”
Leaning over my face, I saw as his lips parted. Pretty sure
mine did, too in the moment. Then he started sucking. There
are no words to express the euphoria. There are so many
little used erogenous zones. Clearly, he knew so many of
them. My jaw snapped shut and it was all I could do to just
lay there and enjoy. With my hands out of commission, I had
no choice.
Soon my eyes were shooting open from the chill. BE was
taking strawberry slices and making a trail of fruit arrows
down my torso, with the points all aiming for my vagina. It
was with fascination that I waited to see what he would do
next. Biting my bottom lip, I struggled to control my
breathing. This man was incredible.
Before attacking the food, he stood and removed his
clothes. Once more I was gifted a look at his amazing body.
He seriously had the most perfect medium build I had ever
seen. There was something about broad shoulder tapering
down to a narrow waist. How I longed to wrap my legs
around him.
Smiling when he saw me studying him, he asked, “You
ready?”
Somehow I managed to nod and that seemed to be all the
encouragement he needed. Climbing onto the bed, he soon
arranged my legs so that they were spread and he could lean
over me while teasing the hell out of me. At least, that’s what
I imagined his intention was because soon his erect cock was
grazing me and I was responding. Sure, he had immobilized
my arms. It didn’t mean that I couldn’t move my hips or toy
with him in return.
“Dessert,” he murmured as he gradually ate his way
down my body. He was giving every bit of me all his
attention, holding my sides and massaging me with his
hands and tongue until he reached the juncture of my thighs.
Pausing briefly, he looked up at me and made sure our eyes
connected while he leaned in and buried his face in my
pussy.
This time, I couldn’t help crying out. Watching him watch
my reaction, was so hot. It was no longer just about how it he
made me feel. Now, even without hands, I could turn him on.
Clearly, the hip movement, the back arching, and my
pleasure moans had worked. Finally, he stopped eating me
out. Climbing up my body, he didn’t hesitate to kiss his way
up my neck until his mouth was at my ear.
“Ready?” he asked, moving so that suddenly his erection
was poised at my eager opening.
“Release me?” I asked. “I want to touch you.”
Pausing, he considered my request. “A compromise,” he
suggested.
Waiting patiently to see what he had in mind, my eyes
widened when I realized where this was going. Unhooking
the tie from around the lamp, he kept it knotted around my
wrists and simply slipped it over his head. “Tied to you?” I
teased. “Because the fake marriage isn’t enough.”
Laughing, he leaned over to offer me a deep passionate
kiss. While his amazing lips distracted me, he somehow
managed to slide into me. Somehow I doubted I would ever
tire of the fullness that came from sharing my body with
him. Moving my hips to meet his, I slowly scratched up and
down his back.
His excitement was obvious as he dove deeper and deeper
within me. Spreading my legs wide, he growled
appreciatively. The heat that had been growing within me
the entire time he was taunting and teasing me with food
was now insistent, demanding satisfaction. Angling my
pelvis, I soon had BE hitting my clit and g-spot just right.
Even breathing became a struggle as I felt my insides
contract and shudder.
“My turn,” he whispered in my ear. Seconds later, I felt
the wetness within me grow, felt his cock jerking in release
and all of that made what I had thought was a fading orgasm
rupture once more. “Twice? Nice.”
Oh my God. The elusive double orgasm. I had heard of
them. Given my past relationships, they were as mythical as
the unicorn. He had made me completely boneless.
Gently, he removed my arms from around his neck,
untied my wrists, and positioned me on my side. Standing,
he moved from the bed and headed to the bathroom. When
he returned, he had a towel. Without speaking, he lifted my
thigh and cleaned the fluids that slowly spilled out of me. It
was too much. He was more than I could hope for. Moments
later, he returned to the bed and wrapped himself around
me.
As I drifted off to sleep filled with an unexplainable peace,
I considered our situation. Mr. BE does not disappoint. Or,
rather, he hasn’t yet. He has this amazing ability to keep me
interested. That was quite the skill in and of itself. He was
the perfect combination of attractive and intelligent. He
was…dangerous. He was mine…for the week.
4
D ay two of the cruise dawned sunny and bright. Still, I
woke long before Mr. BE. Years of being self-employed had
trained me to get to work right away, make the most of my
day. Now I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. Habit had me
wanting to take my camera up to the lido deck so I could
walk around and take pictures. That would have been a super
productive way to start my day, but since we hadn’t really
established our expectations, I didn’t want to leave him,
have him waking without me here. Knowing nothing about
his habits, and when I could expect to see him moving
around, I decided to begin by showering while I waited.
Though BE had done his utmost to clean up last night, I
still had noticed a slightly sticky residue from being his
dessert. Given how amazing our night had been, I would
gladly repeat that experience every night of the cruise.
Slipping from under the covers, I walked directly to the
bathroom. It would be nice to be all clean and fresh for him
when he woke.
Adjusting the temperature so that the water was as hot as
I could stand it, I stepped into the stream and let it wash
over me. There was a slight twinge of guilt as I considered
that Jolie might be lonely staying in our cabin alone, then I
considered that she, too, might have found someone
wonderful to hook up with. Far be it from me to stand in the
way of true lust. So with that in mind, I cleansed every nook
and cranny. As I did so, I noted that the inside of my thighs
was a bit tender and it made me smile. I loved physical
reminders of my encounters. It assured me that I had been
loved right. BE knew how to show a girl a good time.
After drying off, I pulled the bathrobe from inside the
closet and cinched it around my waist. The sound of my
stomach gurgling reminded me that I had yet to eat. Luckily,
I could call for room service. Once that was done, I returned
to the bathroom to finish applying moisturizer, touch up the
polish on my toes, and brush my teeth until they positively
sparkled. The staff surprised me with the speed of service.
Just as I was finishing with my beauty time, there was a
knock on the door. Opening it, I was passed my tray.
It was pretty perfect. Really it was. The sky was clear and
blue, just like the water. For the life of me, I couldn’t
remember the last time I felt so…relaxed. Sitting on the
balcony in my bathrobe, sipping my Earl Grey, snacking on
my fruit salad, looking out over the ocean as far as the eye
could see, while reminiscing about the night before was the
ideal start for my day. As I remembered all that had passed
between us the day before, it was no wonder the poor guy
was tired out.
Let’s face it, our hormones were working overtime for
hours. Though food can be messy, who knows if he’d have
been able to last for as long as he did had he not been able to
consume that extra sugar? That sticky, the work he did with
his tongue, oh and those magical hands gave me a second
orgasm. I’ve never had a second orgasm.
It must have been every bit of last night that drew it out
of me. There was something about the way the stars had
looked on that black velvet sky. There was something about
the way he used the strawberries and whipped cream to
enhance our sexual experience. Though I never would have
thought of him as being the BDSM type, he surprised me
with his ingenuity, his enthusiasm, and especially his
creativity. Part of me worried I was rushing things when we
had all the time in the world…if you considered a few days all
the time in the world.
Finally, I gave in to need and pulled out my camera from
the bag. Ever since we left home after graduation, I carry one
with me everywhere. It is the lifeblood of my business.
Though I was never professionally trained, in the digital
world, I am considered a very talented photographer. I
capture people and places with my eye for beauty. Then I sell
them to magazines. Those that don’t sell right away for a
specific purpose are then uploaded and sold on sites like
Shutterstock and most especially the site that Jolie originally
created for me. I have an extensive portfolio from years of
work. My income…grows and grows. My overhead is nonexistent. Because of that, I travel as much as I want,
whenever I want. My career choices mean I make money
going for walks. Not many people have that luxury. While I
had planned to mostly take this trip off and focus on the next
move, this was a welcome wrench in the plans.
Watching him lay there looking so peaceful wasn’t
enough. Camera in hand, I had to record this. Maybe after
the cruise I would even stick the picture in a frame on my
nightstand. It would be the next best thing to having him
there. After moving until I had him centered in the frame at
just the angle I wanted, I snapped my first shot of him.
Almost instantly, his eyes opened.
“I was going to ask today if pictures were out of the
question too,” he said with a sleepy smile. “I want to savor
every moment of this, but I’d also like to record them.”
“Well then you’re in luck. I’m your girl,” I responded.
“How will I get copies?” he asked. “No names, no phone
numbers, no emails…no pictures.” He frowned, then
recovered and had a twinkle in his eye.
Sure, for a moment I rather hoped he had decided that we
would break our agreement. Sure, there was that instant that
I was ready to tattoo my name and contact information on
the inside of his arm so that he would never lose it. Only,
that wasn’t what he suggested.
“What if we get some of the pictures printed on the trip?”
he asked. “We could leave with a concrete version of our
memories…”
His idea had merit, but I wasn’t entirely convinced that
we would be able to master the execution. Did I want to
spend an excursion trying to find a one-hour photo place?
Did I want to waste a minute that we could be spending
making memories by trying to preserve them on film?
“What if I give you the SD card before we get off the
boat?” I asked, practically while I climbed into bed with him.
He nodded. “That would be great, but what about you?”
“What about me?” I asked, my teeth already grazing his
neck as I pointed and shot. Yeah, I may have done this once
or twice. I have modeled in my photos. Who knows better
than me what I want the pictures to look like? That’s right.
No one.
“Don’t you want some pictures too?” He had sounded
almost hurt even as I distracted him with my tongue.
“Oh, don’t worry, I also travel with my laptop. I’ll
download the pics and then give you the SD card.” I really
just wanted to get back to what I was doing before he started
asking questions. I ran my free hand down his washboard
abs. He had just a dusting of hair down the middle of his
chest. Happily, I followed the trail down into his boxer briefs.
Once again, his cock sprang out at me. I had never grown
so used to another man’s presence so quickly…ever. Mr. BE
was easy to be with. He was the kind of guy who would be
easy to fall in love with. He was the most dangerous man
ever. I’ve had the tattooed bad boys. I liked them. I enjoyed
them. They were fun…and temporary. What I had never had,
never done, was enjoy a straight-laced good guy. This guy
was hard to figure out. There were no tattoos, but in my
experience, not every bad boy wore them like a badge of
honor. I was baffled.
That’s the trouble with no names, never exchanging
personal information. What did I look like…The Mentalist…
an FBI profiler? I couldn’t figure him out. So I tried to tell
myself that it was the mystery of it all making the situation
so hot, knowing that we could both be whoever we wanted to
be.
At the moment, after sliding low under the covers and
planting myself between his thighs, I was being the chick
sucking his dick. It was no easy task. He was hung. Believe it
or not, that kind of annoyed me. He shouldn’t be so frickin’
perfect. He shouldn’t be hot and generous and hung. It was
so…wrong. He hadn’t called me any derogatory names. He
hadn’t made me feel like I was less than I was in any way,
shape, or form. He held doors open, unless they were
automatic. He pulled out chairs…unless they were attached.
He was the perfect gentleman. Now, I was truly studying
him, getting to enjoy him on my terms, alone, without Jolie,
and I had to admit he had one of the prettiest dicks I’d ever
been laid with.
It didn’t take long for me to give up on the blowjob. My
jaw was really beginning to hurt and there was nothing sexy
about that. Though I worried about his reaction, since men
love a good blowjob, BE seemed to be fine with the idea. He,
too, was urging me up, hauling me closer to his waiting
mouth.
“Wait, do you know where my mouth has been?” I teased.
Chuckling, he nodded. “I know exactly where your mouth
has been. You’re driving me crazy with it. Let me show you.”
In a heartbeat, his lips were on mine, insisting on kissing me
with a passion I had yet to previously experience. When we
stopped, our foreheads were together as we panted some. His
arms circled my body, hugging me close, then his hands
moved to my waist where he began guiding my hips down
onto him. Slowly, ever so slowly, ensuring that I could feel
every inch of him, he entered me once more.
Just as before, I was insanely ready for him. How could I
not be? BE knew the perfect combination of playfulness and
sexiness to excite me. He kissed like it was his job. For a
moment, I closed my eyes to savor and focus on feeling. It
was so intense, so wonderful. Then when I opened my eyes, I
realized how much trouble I was in. He was doing a fine job
penetrating my body with his cock, but now he was piercing
my heart with those eyes, those gorgeous blue bedroom eyes.
I was almost embarrassed by how quickly that first orgasm
arrived. Remember how I opened my eyes? Yeah. Then. While
he felt amazing inside me and he was doing a phenomenal
job working those nipples with his hands…it’s what his eyes
did to me that truly sent me over the edge. Damn.
He knew it too. He knew when I came, when my breath
caught and my body shuddered inside. He felt me trying to
ride out that orgasm, letting wave after wave take me far
away. Though I’ve never been one to speak during sex,
clearly he was.
“Come back to me, baby,” he murmured against my lips.
“Come on.”
Part of me was spent. Part of me wanted to keep going
forever. So we continued for as long as we both could stand
it. Hours of foreplay. Hours of him in me. Multiple orgasms
for both of us.
Now…he slept again…when I wanted nothing more than
for him to be awake with me. I couldn’t stop thinking. It was
a wonder he could. You would think he’d not want to miss a
minute of our time. Would you believe that I wasn’t wishing
him awake for sex? Nope. Of all the things I was missing at
the moment, I wanted him up to talk. This guy was killing
me.
It was close to noon when he finally woke. He looked rested,
and happy, and surprised. I had heard him rustling around in
bed, the kind of sound that normally precedes someone
waking up. I was right. He was. When I finally closed the
laptop and walked back in from the balcony, he was lying on
his side, smiling at me.
“What are you doing here?” he asked happily.
I looked at him sideways, unsure of what he was asking.
Was he joking? Had he forgotten me already? Had yesterday
and this morning meant nothing to him? Had he already had
enough? Hundreds of questions filled my mind. Luckily,
while I was still finding my words, he spoke once more.
“You let me go back to sleep and then when I woke up,
you were still here? I expected you’d be up on the lido deck,
getting some sun or wandering the ship getting hit on by
some strange guy.” He lifted the bedding, welcoming me to
join him.
In all that time, I still hadn’t managed to get dressed.
Must have been wishful thinking. Dropping my bathrobe to
reveal that I was au natural underneath, I climbed in, not
really knowing what to expect. “I’m new to this marriage
stuff, but as your wife, I figured I should be here for you
when you woke. So here am I. Ready to meet your needs.” I
smiled warmly at him because—I couldn’t help it. Just being
around him made me all warm and fuzzy and so hot and
needy inside. Still, I played it cool. “Do you have any
unfulfilled needs?” I asked playfully as I snuggled against
his warm naked body, my finger tracing his nipple.
Already, based on the tent he was pitching with the sheet,
I knew that he had morning wood. Funny name…morning
wood. It should just be called ‘waking wood.’ Experience had
taught me that guys could get it any time of the day while
they slept. Given the time of day, his wood was really lunch
wood or early afternoon wood. He rolled so he could rub it
against me and I was convinced it was about to become my
wood once more. I smiled suggestively.
“I may have one need that you could fulfill if you’d like,”
he said.
“Anything,” I responded. Oh, and I meant it. A week was
not going to be long enough. Whatever he wanted, I’d gladly
give him even if it meant an aching jaw or a sore vagina. I
was completely his for the moment.
He gazed at me playfully with those eyes, sending shivers
up and down my body. If he had run a finger along my slit,
I’m sure he would have found that I was already wet for him,
just waiting for him to initiate our next encounter. “Coffee.
Can you call for room service? After a coffee and a shower,
I’ll be ready to go to lunch…unless you just want to order
in?” He smiled at me.
Oh, how I wanted to order in. Then I shook my head.
While he napped, I had been tormented with all these super
serious thoughts. I needed to get the words out before I lost
my nerve. If he didn’t want sex at the moment, there was
one thing I wanted. Talk. We needed to talk. “God, do you
have to be so…distracting?” I asked, regretting how quickly
my body betrayed me where he was concerned.
He looked at me, taken aback. “What do you mean?”
“While you were sleeping, I had this whole talk planned
in my head that we needed to have. Then the minute you
wake up, it’s all but forgotten because you are so hot!” I
frowned at him.
“Wow. I’ve never felt the need to apologize after being
complimented before.” He smiled. “So do I say ‘thank you’
or ‘I’m sorry?’ Honestly, I’m not sure where to go with this.”
“Apology accepted,” I said as I laid my head on his chest.
Instantly, his beating heart, the feel of his skin against my
cheek, and the scent of him both mesmerized and soothed
me.
“Sooooo, the talk? Did you fill in my lines in your head or
did you want me to actually participate?” He chuckled as he
ran a hand up and down my side. Wow. He really did know
women. That had me completely off balance, but I struggled
to regain my focus.
“Oh, yeah.” I sat straight up because this was not going to
work with us snuggled together in bed. Then, I left the bed
entirely, grabbed my robe, and sat down after I cinched it
around my waist. “Whew. There.”
He frowned. Obviously, I was making him nervous. In the
past, I would have relished that, the control of it. Now, I
wanted to comfort him. “Listen, you are very distracting. I
need space.”
“Okay?” He sat up fully in bed, serious look in place.
Taking a deep breath, I decided to dive right into the
conversation I had long envisioned. “We didn’t talk about
this, and it was really irresponsible of me. I guess I should
have mentioned it before.” I sighed and decided to went with
the direct approach. These talks are better when treated like
Bandaid removal. “So, we haven’t been using protection.”
“Oh, that!” he said and laughed. “Don’t worry. It’s safe.”
He waved his hand and stood to head to the bathroom. “I
thought you wanted to talk about something serious.”
His words had the hair on the back of my neck standing
upright. It felt prickly, like my concerns had been brushed
aside even as they had never been addressed. I stood and
followed him. “This is serious. I don’t want to walk away
with a souvenir from this trip,” I said in an irritated voice. “I
don’t think you understand the gravity of the situation.”
He had just finished peeing. After flushing and washing
his hands, he turned and looked at me. “Listen, babe, I had a
procedure. I can’t get you pregnant. And I am clean. No
transmittable diseases. I’m going to take a shower. Can you
order my coffee?” With that, the conversation was over…
apparently. His back was to me and he had already tuned me
out and started messing with the water temperature, moving
a towel so that it was within reach when he needed it, and
headed to the sink to brush his teeth.
A thought occurred to me. “Aren’t you worried that I have
something? Look how quickly I fell into bed with you? I could
have herpes…the gift that keeps on giving. I could have the
HIV! I could kill you!”
Finally, he whipped around, giving me his full attention.
“Babe, you won’t be killing me. For the love of God, coffee,
please!” With that he gave me a placating kiss on the
forehead before he stepped in the shower.
While I should have been comforted, I wasn’t. He had said
and done all the right things, right down to the kiss, but
something still nagged at me. We weren’t going to fix now.
The very least I could do was order him coffee, like a good
wife. Yes, coffee would be waiting when he finished. So
would I.
Sometimes, I wondered if they pulled the guys aside in school.
You know, when the girls watch that special movie and talk
about getting their periods, what are the boys doing? I’ve
always had my suspicions. Now, I’m convinced they fill that
empty time with a workshop on being evasive. Every male I
have ever dealt with has been the same. I tried to broach the
subject once more. Again he avoided my questions.
“Listen, if having me wear a condom makes you feel
better, then get some. I’ll wear them. Otherwise, stop being a
nagging wife, drop that line of questioning, and let’s enjoy
the rest of this week.” He was serious in a way he had never
been before. Guess I had hit a nerve. By the looks of it…all of
them. Still, if that was as bad as he could get, I could handle
this. It’s not like he was shouting and throwing things, nor
had he stormed out of the room.
Nagging wife. I really had turned all girl. Well…crap. That
wasn’t my style or how I wanted to be remembered.
Time to let it go, put on my brightest face, and focus on a
good stuff. “Okay then. Let’s get lunch and decide how to
spend the rest of the day,” I said. I went and stood by the
door. I could feel him holding back. As much as I wanted to
know, we had a week. This wasn’t forever. This was the best
shot at for now I had. I needed to take it.
We were sitting there talking on the lido deck, listening to
music and enjoying the perfect weather…and I mean perfect
—cloudless blue sky, gentle cooling breeze, and sun that
didn’t seem to scorch the minute we were exposed to it. He
had eaten a healthy meal—grilled lemon chicken, a mixed
greens salad with a side of fruit salad, and now he was
scarfing down his second soft serve chocolate ice cream
cone. I was fascinated. There was literally not an ounce of fat
on him. He had a strong medium build, the kind that looks
natural, a product of his lifestyle instead of long hours at the
gym. Those are my favorite kind. I don’t believe in being
with anyone who is higher maintenance than I am. As chicks
go, I am reasonably low maintenance with the occasional me
time splurge.
Standing suddenly, I laughed when I saw him heading
back to the ice cream. “Where do you put it?” I asked.
“Well,” he said seductively, leaning in to graze my lips
with his, “I am planning on working it off…soon. I look at
this more as refueling. You have given me quite the
workout.” Then he kissed my head and walked toward the
machine.
Less than thirty seconds later, Jolie appeared out of
nowhere, came over and sat down. “Where have you been
hiding?” she asked with a knowing chuckle.
Leaning back in my seat, the picture of calm, I effortlessly
gave her one of my most relaxed smiles. “In bed.” She raised
her eyebrows and a grin spread across her face. “That’s
right. We stayed up half the night, went at it again this
morning, and he slept in to recuperate. It’s only a week. We
have to make the most of it.” I shrugged. Naturally, Jolie saw
through me.
“Uh oh,” she said seriously while shaking her head in
disapproval. “I thought this guy was your rebound?”
“He is,” I protested. “We’re sticking to the rules…no
names, no contact info. We’re just…having a good time. You
know me.” I looked her in the eye. I tried to give her my
most convincing look. It didn’t work. On either of us.
“You haven’t looked like this since high school, since
before we started this life, these rules, and made this plan.
It’s worked really well for us so far, Alysin Nixon…my little
Sin the Vixen. Ten years was a good run.” She seemed to
silently assess me for before speaking once more. “Maybe we
should finally make one last move. Maybe you should let him
in,” she urged.
Glancing over at the ice cream machine, I watched him
for a moment. He was happiness and hope all wrapped up in
one beautiful manly package. From the looks of it, he had
made his ice cream cone and now he was slowly licking it
while making cone after cone for a lineup of kids. They were
part of a group that was enrolled in the camp on the boat.
Marveling over how natural and comfortable he looked in his
current role, I watched him. BE looked up and saw me
studying him. He smiled and shrugged, completely without
guile. I smiled back, even though I was suddenly assaulted
with an image of him doing the same thing for a little girl
that looked remarkably like I did when I was four. Where did
that come from? Shocked and unbalanced, I shook my head
to rid myself of that picture in my head.
“No. This is just fun. This is to forget what’s his name,” I
said seriously.
Jolie laughed at me. “Well then you should stop now.”
“Why’s that?” I asked confused, my attention finally
returning to her and the conversation at hand.
“Because clearly you have already forgotten Kyle. Now
you are going to be haunted by this guy…a nameless
meaningful man.” She stood, leaned over and gave me a
quick hug. “Listen, I’d talk longer, but I promised this chick
I’d meet her for a drink. I’ll see you later. Unless you two
crazy kids go back to bed.” She winked at me.
Then she walked away. I was left with more to consider,
more to think about that I didn’t want to. He’d better come
back soon. The only thinking I had planned on doing this trip
involved where we were going to move when we returned.
Given our current circumstances and how content he seemed
with our situation, I didn’t want to even consider beyond
that no matter what Jolie suggested.
At four in the afternoon, we found ourselves wandering
through the art gallery. He was getting everything he wished
for…there were plenty of boring things to do on the trip. As
of now, he was the master of the mundane. It wasn’t that I
didn’t like art galleries. I loved them. Once, in high school, I
had taken a trip abroad. It was a ten-day tour of France,
Italy, and everything in between—that would be Monaco and
Monte Carlo, for those of you who have never had the
pleasure of traveling abroad.
On that trip, I discovered a love of museums that I had
never had previously. With my passion for culture, it
shouldn’t have been a surprise. At the Louvre, the beauty of
the Venus de Milo, and the Mona Lisa struck me, but even
more…I fell in love with some of the more obscure paintings
that were on the walls. There was one in particular. I can’t
remember the name, but in the background, high up on a hill
was a dark and eerie estate. In the foreground, there was a
young woman, tied up, drowned in the lake. I stood there
and studied it for far longer than I did any other painting. It
was huge, the biggest painting I had ever seen. More than
that, it spoke to something inside me. Maybe moving around
with Jolie had been my way of ensuring I wouldn’t come to a
bad end, dying forgotten and alone. Years later I still think of
it, just as I remember visiting the Sistine Chapel and how
surreal it was to be wandering around this vast open room,
bumping into strangers because we were all too busy looking
up to notice those around us.
By the time we reached Florence, I had a boyfriend for the
trip. He was from another high school that had been paired
with ours and had been watching me. I knew it. I felt it all
the time. Finally, we spoke. I didn’t feel for him. It was just…
more fun having someone to share the experience with.
More than that, it was a learning experience, one that I
repeated time and again. I loved to travel. Soon, my travel
boyfriends were my favorite. That first experience of having
one in Italy taught me much…like boundaries.
By the plane ride home, we arranged to sit together. The
flight was long, but it didn’t seem that way because…I very
nearly joined the mile high club at sixteen. What can I say? I
was an early bloomer. Also, it’s amazing how far you can get
under a shared blanket during a movie on a darkened plane.
I’ll never forget how he had his hand down my shorts,
behind my panties, and his fingers inside me while we were
supposed to be watching a movie. It was heavenly. I still
remember it fondly. More importantly from that boy, I
learned not to share contact information. Sure enough,
within days of returning home, I was getting mail—
desperate, lonely, mail—from him. We didn’t even have
licenses yet and we lived four states apart. Nothing was ever
going to come of it. As far as I was concerned, it was fun
while it lasted. The experience helped hone my personal
philosophy.
No matter what Jolie suggested, I wasn’t going to change
what had served me well for all those years now. Given how
this cruise was shaping up so far, I probably would be the
one sending the desperate and pathetic emails. Somehow I
had to remember that this was just meant to be fun while it
lasted.
These were just some of the thoughts rushing through my
mind as I stood and stared at the paintings in the ship’s art
gallery. As often happened with galleries, I had stopped to
stare at one painting in particular that I was completely
drawn to. It instantly reminded me of Italy in general, the
Mediterranean in particular. There was a stone patio
overlooking the blue water. The houses nearby had the
classic tile roofs and stucco walls. I have a thing for
paintings I want to live in. This one…was perfect. I could
completely picture sitting at the little bistro table with a
glass of wine, watching the sunset.
My reverie was interrupted by a whisper in my ear. “Wow,
that one is amazing,” he murmured as though he, too, was
afraid of marring the silence in the place. “Great eye. My
favorite paintings are ones I would love to live in. It makes
me think of Italy.” He sighed right next to my ear and it
made me shiver. Naturally, he noticed.
Wrapping his arms around me, he spoke to me once more.
“Babe, are you cold? We can’t have that,” he said lovingly as
he ran his hands up and down my arms.
That brought on more chills. Many more chills until
finally I had to whip around and look at him. “Stop,” I said
through gritted teeth. “You are so not helping here.” Already
his touch and warm breath were making me want things that
were neither possible nor prudent in such a place.
He paused, leaving his hands on my upper arms. “Oh,
would a hug be better?” Then he hauled me against his body.
Surprisingly enough, it did help some. It soothed me in a
way that the arm rubs didn’t. It was just platonic enough to
calm the butterflies inside. Then he had to go ruin it.
“Have I told you how sexy you look when you stand there
and study art?” he murmured in my ear, tickling me all the
way through.
Without thinking, I grabbed his head and stared into his
eyes for all of a heartbeat before I slammed my lips into his.
There was no way I could get him close enough at the
moment. No way. Ah, but I had to try. His lips were what I
had to settle for in the gallery. Even that was probably too
much.
To my surprise, his lips were just as greedy as mine. We
kept it PG for the gallery crowd, but I still heard one older
woman mumble, “Must be newlyweds.”
I pulled back to smile at her, but he still had his face
pressed against my temple. “Oh, we are,” I said silkily. “Is it
that obvious?” I winked at her. She smiled and walked away.
“You’ve been staring at this for a good fifteen minutes,”
Mr. BE said as soon as we were alone again. “I’m going to
buy it for you.” He kissed my temple before he started to
walk toward the woman running the gallery.
Though I was certain I should object, I was in heaven. I
didn’t need this painting any more than I needed the jewelry.
It wasn’t because I was some gold digger, but there was
something really special about being pampered like this,
something really great about all these outward signs that he
thought of me, cared about me, and wanted to please me.
After that time in bed, I didn’t have any doubts about the
attraction, but this was completely different. He didn’t have
to do this. Maybe it just made him happy spoiling me.
I stepped back as a young man with gloves on came over
to remove the painting from the wall. He nodded at me as he
carried it into a room to the side where someone would no
doubt wrap it and deliver it later to our stateroom. Soon, Mr.
BE was shaking hands with the woman and walking back to
me.
“Want to go back to the cabin?” he asked with a smile.
After the torture I had endured in the gallery, I wasn’t
going to give in quite so easily. As soon as he was as
desperate with need as I was, we’d go there. Shaking my
head, I responded, “We don’t need to rush this. We have
plenty of time.” Then I turned and headed out of the gallery
toward the casino. When I had taken several steps and he
hadn’t caught up to me, I turned and smiled. “Coming?”
He had that look. Dammit. He was on to me. He knew I
was doing this on purpose. For a moment, I had let my guard
down, let my heart get caught up in the fairy tale, and I had
forgotten our deal. Now I was back on track. I said that I
would be ready, willing, and amenable to his advances, but I
didn’t say I was going to bend to his every whim. As much as
he had put me off yesterday, making me completely ache for
him at dinner, then toying with me before returning to the
cabin, I would make him work for it today.
The stunned look had worn off his face, as he stepped up
to walk with me. He grabbed my hand, pulled it to his mouth,
and said simply, “Touché.”
Honestly, I was patting myself on the back…and mostly
wishing that I were alone. I would be rubbing myself
elsewhere. This man sure did know how to excite me. Now,
in an effort to prove how strong I was, how unaffected by his
actions, I had effectively forced myself to suffer. I sighed.
“What’s wrong, babe?” he asked with interest, his
gorgeous blue eyes twinkling.
“Can I have your card key, I forgot something in the
cabin. Want to pick us a lucky table at the casino and I’ll be
right back?” As soon as he handed it to me, I scampered off
before his too wise eyes had the chance to figure out what
was really going on. He didn’t call after me. I didn’t dare
turn to see his reaction. I was practically in a jog to make it
back to the room, and I don’t run.
Shoving his card in the door, I opened the cabin. The bed
had been made. The room looked perfect, all pristine.
Without hesitation, I let the straps slide down my shoulders,
so that my bare boobs were exposed. There was no time to
waste. I had to hurry. If I was going to survive until bedtime,
I had to do this.
Climbing onto the bed, I lay on my back and slid my dress
up my waist, and moved my thong out of the way. With one
hand, I began manipulating my nipple, first rubbing it with
my open palm, and then tugging at the hardened nub. I could
feel the excitement building. This wouldn’t take long at all.
My other hand knew just where to rub around my clit. It felt
so amazing so quickly. His actions in the gallery had stoked
my fire, plus I was so excited from all the amazing sex that I
didn’t have to even imagine anything in particular, just
feeling what was happening sufficed.
That’s when I heard a card in the door, but I refused to
stop when I was this close. The lack of knock prior to the
card told me it was him. He must have asked guest services
to give him another card. It didn’t matter. Let him see me
masturbating. I was actually eager to find out how he might
respond to the situation.
As soon as he realized what I was doing, he dropped his
shorts and yanked down his boxers. He had a hand on his
cock and was stroking it as he came closer. Then he dropped
to his knees, roughly moved my hand out of the way and
buried his face in my soft shaved folds. I gasped when I felt
his tongue licking, his teeth nipping, and the gentle sucking
had me moaning. My hips arched to allow him better access.
It was too much, especially when I heard the sound of him
stroking fast and furious. Soon, I was shuddering and
quaking. The best part was that he knew I was having an
orgasm. I didn’t need to grab his head and hold him in place;
instead, he kept going and let me ride it out. Damn, this man
was dangerous.
Slowly, I opened my eyes to check his progress. He was
close. There was a healthy amount of pre cum dribbling out
the end of his dick. His breathing had changed, ragged and
catching. Sliding off the bed, I dropped to my knees in front
of him on the carpeting.
“Lie back,” I commanded.
Without hesitation, he complied. I moved his hand away
from his raging erection. Originally, I intended to take him
in my mouth. I was going to let him finish. I was even going
to swallow. I was going to be that giving, that memorable…
only lately I have wanted to be so selfish. Instead, I climbed
on. I straddled him while watching for a reaction, listening
for an objection.
His eyes flew open for a moment and I almost paused. His
hands gripped my hips, pulling me downward and then he
let out this guttural groan as I slid onto him. It was
incredible feeling him slide into me once more. It was so
welcome, so pleasurable…such a perfect fit. My hips found
their rhythm. Soon, his hips were meeting mine. We were
going at it fiercely, wildly. I couldn’t get enough of him.
Somehow, without losing pace, he flipped me over onto my
back, had me bent nearly in two, throwing my ankles over
his shoulders. Thank God I do yoga. Even then…I wanted
more. After being a one trick pony for so long, after years of
vanilla sex with that lawyer guy…this man and our chance
meeting, had changed everything.
Never one to make a lot of noise during sex, it surprised
me when I cried out. I couldn’t help it. This experience was
so…intense. Then I felt him erupting inside me. I felt the
power of his orgasm. With a relieved sigh, I closed my eyes
and threw an arm over them, the last protection I had. He
couldn’t see them at the moment, those windows to my soul.
Gradually, he pulled out. Ever so affectionately, he kissed my
neck, in between my boobs, and finally my pelvic bone.
“Nice kitty,” he murmured as he wiped away the evidence
of our afternoon romp. Then he lifted me into his arms and
deposited me on the bed. “We should have done it here from
the start. If we had, you wouldn’t be suffering from rug burn
right now.” He chuckled.
If what he said was true, and I really did have rug burn, I
felt none of it. More than anything, I just wanted to sleep for
a bit, preferably in his arms. How he had the energy to lift
me or stand, I couldn’t imagine. Then, he stumbled a little.
“Whew, too much blood south of the border for this,” he
joked as he climbed onto the bed next to me. As he wrapped
his arms around me, he asked, “Can we just nap here…like
this…for a little while?”
Still physically worn out and emotionally drained, I
couldn’t speak. I just nodded my head. Since his head was on
top of mine, he had my response. One hand held mine under
the pillow. The other cupped my breast and tucked under my
side. His arm was positioned so that he could haul me closer
the minute he felt too much space between us. So nice. That
was my last thought before sleep claimed me.
5
W hen I woke, the morning of our second full day at sea, I
was surprised to discover that I was alone. It took me a
moment to process it. I grabbed a bathrobe from the closet,
and found that the bathroom was empty. I could see from
where I was standing that he wasn’t on the balcony. For
some reason, there was an almost perceptible growing panic
within me. Before I could ponder what to do next, I heard
that all too familiar card in the door. It was amazing how
little it took to change my perspective from crushed to calm
once more.
Turning to smile in greeting, I caught Mr. BE just as he
was stumbling through the door. “I’m never going to get my
sea legs,” he joked.
In his hand he had one plate that was heaping full of
some of our favorite breakfast foods. Then he turned around,
bent down, and picked up another plate and a heaping bowl
of fruit salad that he must have had to set down in order to
open the door. My smile was genuine and effortless.
“I was hoping we could have breakfast in bed and lay low
for little bit. I guess the waves are bothering me more than I
thought,” he said. “Plus, it’s just a day of nothing before we
hit Grand Turk in the morning.” He smiled at me warmly
while passing me the first breakfast plate. “I really want to
be at my best there.”
Nodding, I brought the food to the bed. “Wow,” I said,
“you must have taken just a few of everything. It’s all my
favorites.”
Blushing some, he admitted, “I know. I paid attention.”
Then he lowered himself to the edge of the bed. He seemed
worn out and I had to admit, it was probably my fault for not
letting him rest more at night. I was being too selfish and all
the while he’d been struggling with motion sickness and was
totally exhausted
“Relax,” I suggested. “It’s a perfect day to lounge around.
If I want sun, I’ll go out on the balcony. If you want me to lie
with you, I will.” Caressing the side of his face, I studied him
for a moment to reassure myself that it was nothing more
severe. His temperature seemed normal and his color was
just like it had been. Confident that he’d recover, I said,
“Let’s eat before it gets cold.”
I meant everything I said, but suddenly I had no idea
where those words came from. It was, sensitive, caring,
bordering on nurturing and maternal. Gawd, if it had been
that lawyer asking me to sleep in when I wanted to be up
enjoying the party on the lido deck, I probably would have
told him to fuck off and catch up when he could. I hadn’t
even hung around for Jolie. Thank goodness, because if I
had, I might have missed meeting this man, the man that I
was now turning me into a woman I didn’t even recognize.
Shake it off! Four days. That’s all that’s left. Just live in the
moment with Mr. BE. I hated that I had to keep reminding
myself. Yet, I loved this…every moment of it. This was by far
my best regroup ever, even if I wasn’t regrouping with Jolie.
Hell, it didn’t matter. At least I was getting my mind right,
wasn’t I? It’s not like we were on any type of time schedule.
We could just stay a few extra days in Charleston if we
wanted. We had nothing to rush back to. Our life was
wherever we were.
So we sat and ate together snuggled on the bed. Despite
his initial objections, I fed him some. Soon enough, he did
the same for me. When the food had disappeared, he lay back
and nestled down in the pillows.
“Sleepy,” he said, quietly. He started to close his eyes. “I
just need a little nap. Then we can do whatever you want.
You don’t even have to wait here. I can meet you
somewhere…” His voice trailed off.
“Now what kind of wife would I be if I just left you when
you weren’t feeling well? Nah. I’ll stick around. I may even
nap with you,” I said, shocking myself. For some reason, I
was taking this fake marriage really seriously.
A smiled spread across his lips. He reached out and grazed
my face with the back of his hand. “You are the perfect
wife,” he said. “I’ll never have better.” Then he closed his
eyes and fell asleep. Never in my life have I seen a sober
person pass out so quickly. I felt his wrist for a pulse to
soothe my nerves.
While he slept, I loaded pictures onto the laptop. As I looked
over what I had, several of them seemed promising, so I sent
them to different magazines. Then, because I couldn’t help
myself, I took some shots of him sleeping. There was
something so alluring about him, with the light scruff he had
growing on his face, the thick dark lashes that were too
pretty to belong to any man, and the way his biceps bulged
under the T-shirt. There was plenty of time for me to take a
luxurious shower, to apply the minimal amount of makeup,
the gross quantities of sun block, and pull my hair up into a
messy bun.
As lunchtime arrived, it was my turn to go and bring back
some food for us. Surely he would awaken hungry in a short
period of time. When he did, I wanted to make sure he was as
well cared for as he had done for me. While I knew that I
could have ordered room service, I also knew how disruptive
and noisy it was for me to call, then for them to arrive and
bang on the door. There would be the balancing act while
signing for the food, and let’s not forget the tip. Plus, the
selection was greater in Windows on the Sea buffet than it
was on the limited room service menu.
Just as I walked in the door with our plates and set them
on the coffee table, he began to awaken. His feet were
starting to wiggle some, and I could see that he was starting
to stretch his various limbs. I waited patiently for him to
open his eyes before speaking. It took another thirty seconds.
“That was quite the nap,” I commented. “Hope you are
hungry.”
He smiled and nodded. “I’m starving. We’ll need to get
ice cream after this,” he said matter-of-factly. Then he
reached for the grilled ham and cheese I picked up for him at
the deli. Holding the sandwich up, he commented, “It looks
like you have been paying attention too.”
Looking down, pretending to be super interested in my
potato salad, I tried to seem casual in my response even as
my cheeks were ablaze. “Eh, I guess I may have picked up on
a thing or two.”
“Have I told you how much I enjoy spending time with
you?” he asked, his eyes sparkling.
Shaking my head, I said, “You haven’t, but you didn’t
need to. It’s a little something I picked up on all on my own.”
“You are very bright,” he teased. He had already devoured
his entire sandwich and was reaching for the bowl of fruit
salad.
“Good Lord, did you even taste that?” I asked. “Hope I
remember how to use the Heimlich.”
Laughing, he responded by throwing a piece of pineapple
at me. Somehow, I had anticipated it and caught the fruit in
one hand and popped it into my mouth. Then I made a face
at him. “Missed me.”
His face grew more intent. “Huh, if I recall, now I have to
kiss you,” he murmured, leaning over the food that
separated us on the bed.
My smile was gone instantly, my lips at the ready. We
were both staring at each other’s mouth. “Have I told you
how much I enjoy kissing you?” he asked quietly, as if he
were afraid of ruining the mood.
Shaking my head, I responded, “No, but you could show
me.”
Soon his lips were on mine and what had been an
ordinary lunch quickly turned into one of my passions. The
camera was still out from earlier. It seemed so natural in my
world that soon I was recording every moment of this. What
I loved was the spontaneity of it all.
We were still embroiled in the kiss when I took the first
photo. I knew the camera and how to take a good selfie with
it. This, a couplie, couldn’t be much different, especially the
way we were connected. It took a bit before BE realized what
I was doing because instead of focusing and pausing, it was
all point and shoot.
“Hey,” he laughed, before adding, “Let me see.”
Grabbing the empty plates and bowl, he set them on the
nightstand before turning me so that I was sitting in
between his legs. Pushing the buttons on the back of the
digital camera, I changed it to review mode so we could look
through the images I had already captured. “What do you
think?” I asked, curious as to his reaction.
Studying them, he even pulled the camera away from me
to see the images close up. “This one is perfect,” he noted as
he shared the picture he was currently viewing.
“You think so?” I asked. In reality, it was one of my
favorites when I scanned through them, but I wanted to hear
his opinion. “What do you like about it?”
For a brief moment, he was silent, but then he seemed to
have found his words. “Look at your face there,” he began
quietly, “you look so relaxed, so calm. If I wasn’t the one
kissing you, I’d want to climb into the picture and do so.”
“I like that.”
Our play continued. It wasn’t all kissing. There was also a
good deal of touching and feeling, snuggling and teasing.
After taking several shots, I would check and see if I was
getting anything worth saving. Oh, I was. In one, I captured
this look on his face, this playful adoration as we were
rolling around on the bed. It was perfect. In another, I had
this smile, one that I didn’t even recognize that spoke of the
purity of my feelings for him. In that instance, I realized
though he might be gifting me paintings and jewelry, what I
could give him was our moments frozen in time forever. He
would have these photographs on the SD card to always
remember our week together. Clearly it meant something to
him.
The afternoon was over so quickly. Before we knew it, it
was time to get ready for dinner, if we were going to dining
room. “Only the best for you, wife,” he said affectionately.
“We should leave the room at least once today, don’t you
think?”
Reluctantly I agreed and we finally started dressing for
dinner. “What are you wearing tonight?” he asked casually.
Without saying a word, I pulled the only cocktail dress I
had packed. The hem ended just a few inches over the knee.
Around the bottom of the all black dress was a glittery silver
butterfly pattern. It had a dangerously low back. And I loved
how it looked with the black-strapped heels that connected
above the ankle.
“Hmmm,” he said as he turned the dress around on the
hanger. “I like it, but I don’t love it.”
“Thanks,” I responded icily. I thrive on compliments and
get a little tense when I receive unwarranted criticisms. I
turned away to start dressing despite his lackluster
enthusiasm. The night was off to a bad start. My back was to
him and it would stay that way until I managed to get my
seething anger under control. While he had purchased a
bunch of dresses for me, I still had trouble letting him spend
money on me and I rather hoped he’d return them if I didn’t
wear them. The last thing I needed was for him to get home,
receive his credit card bill, and have buyer’s remorse where I
was concerned. What I wanted more than anything was for
him to be filled with happy memories of our time together. It
seemed so miniscule when compared to the rest of his
lifetime.
Though I was still nursing a grudge and lost in thought,
BE was wrapping one arm around me. My body’s natural
reaction was to stiffen. Then the second arm came around
and it was holding a beautiful blue cocktail dress that I
hadn’t seen before. It certainly hadn’t come in the package
from the shop with the rest of the dresses and gowns. “I just
thought this one would go better with our eyes, and your
ring, and my dress shirt,” he said with a shrug. “Of course, if
you hate it, I’ll return it.” He started to pull back and take
the dress from my view.
Naturally, I snatched it from his hand for further
examination. It was a full length gown, a halter top with a
low back. The color, just as he predicted, was a perfect match
for the wedding set he’d bought me. “I love it,” I said slowly.
I had always worn my dark hair long. Sometimes I let the
natural waves take over, other times I straightened the heck
out of it. Tonight, if I pulled my hair up, I could let my eyes
do the talking. As eyes went, I had always liked mine. They
were blue…deep blue. They turned up on the outside so that I
always looked happy. At the moment, they were filled with
tears. “You bought me another dress? I thought you’d
already bought all of them.” Even as I waited for his
response, I held it in my hands and touched the fabric. It was
flowing and sheer and long. It made me think of something
that Helen of Troy would wear. It may have been love at first
sight. “You bought me another dress?” I just kept petting it
and staring at it. Of all of them, this one might just be my
very favorite. There was no resisting the pull to wear it.
“Yes, I bought you another dress. I’ll take you to dinner if
you put it on,” he urged. Somehow, it was as though he
understood that explanation was not going to be enough for
me. “When I went to get us breakfast, I passed by the shop.
The woman remembered me, as you might imagine, we
spent enough money,” he said with a reassuring chuckle.
“She came running out and told me she found one more for
me to look at. The minute I saw it, I had to have it. I brought
it back to the room and hid it in the closet before I even
made it to the buffet.”
Holding the dress against me I whipped around and
looked at him. With a suggestive eyebrow raised, I asked,
“You want me to get dressed? What if I take everything off
instead?” There was one way I knew to show my gratitude
and I was really good at it.
Laughing, he responded, “I’ll see that tonight. First, we
eat.” He patted my butt to get me moving. “I’m just going to
wait out on the balcony. I seem to be a bit…distracting.”
Already I was biting my lip. It was going to be a long
night. Fine. Two could play this game. Again I found myself
wearing pasties and a teeny tiny thong. Tonight it would be
blue with a star charm holding it all together in the back.
That should do it. Putting the finishing touches on my hair
and makeup, we finally left the room.
Glancing at his watch, he said, “We still have a good hour
before we should hit the line for dinner. What would you like
to do?”
Laughing, I hooked my arm through his. “Let’s go,
handsome. We have to live a lifetime in one week. Since you
made me leave the room, we’re going to do it all.”
We exited onto the promenade deck and I led him all the
way to the sushi bar. Every evening from five to eight there
was a selection of sushi. It was only two different kinds of
rolls, but it was all we could eat. Over the course of the week,
I planned to make them regret that. Starting now.
“I don’t eat sushi,” he said while demonstrating his best
full body shudder.
“You do now,” I said. I released his arm to step toward
the sushi bar. Suddenly, he caught on. They would only give
each person four pieces of sushi. As a hors d’oeuvre, it was
only a taste for me. I needed his too.
Playing along, he asked, “So, do I like ginger?”
Smirking, I said, “No, you hate ginger.”
“How do I feel about wasabi?” he asked with a straight
face and raised eyebrows.
Chuckling, I said, “You love wasabi!” Then I placed a
healthy scoop on both plates.
We found an open window seat and I immediately sat
down and patted the spot beside me. Smiling, he joined me.
It was off to the side, out of the line of sight, hidden almost
completely by the photography background setup. With that
kind of camouflage, it lent just enough privacy. After I took
the time to rub the wasabi over the rolls, I took a moment to
rub against his leg. To my satisfaction, I heard his breathing
hitch. Using my right hand to eat, I used my left hand to
slowly run along his inner thigh. He rewarded me with a
shiver. Naturally, I grabbed that moment to lean in and
speak in a low seductive voice in his ear under the guise of
too much background noise. “Hey, handsome, everything
okay?” I asked while batting my eyelashes at him.
It was working. I could see him getting excited. It was
evident in the way he shifted in his seat. It was obvious in
the way he covered his groin with the plate. Still, I needed to
up the ante. Standing, I bent low over him to collect his
plate. At the angle I was bending, I had no doubt that he
could see straight down my dress. I gazed at his face just to
be sure. Yup. He was transfixed, completely frozen as he
stared at my goodies.
“Baby, can I take that plate for you?” I asked innocently.
“They won’t let us bring it in the casino.”
At first, he started to pass me the plate without thinking,
and then he shook his head as if to break the trance and
gripped it even tighter. “I’m just going to hold onto it for a
minute,” he said breathlessly.
Blinking and doing my best to paste an innocent look on
my face, I stared at him and asked, “Have you reconsidered
your stance on sushi? Because they will give you a fresh
plate.”
Shaking his head, he closed his eyes for a moment. He
leaned over and held his head in his hands. From where I
stood, I could hear that he was mumbling something. I sat
down quickly, concerned.
“What?” I asked. “What are you saying? Are you okay?”
After how tired he had been earlier, I was afraid I had pushed
him too much and his sickness had returned. Some people
had a very violent reaction to raw fish. Reaching out, I
grabbed his forearm with my hand.
“Just mumbling things that are major turnoffs,” he said
with a sly look. “It helps…so I don’t have to sit around with a
plate in my lap all night. Right now, I’m thinking sushi.” He
smirked.
Standing and feeling pretty awesome from that ego boost,
I smiled. “Well, you take all the time you need. I’m going to
the casino. Will you be joining me?”
“Soon, babe,” he assured me.
Then, like the pro I claim to be, I confidently walked away
without looking back.
The torture continued into dinner and the power had definitely
shifted. It felt…great. I was working hard to keep it that way
too. This time, instead of playing footsies under the table,
rather than run a hand up and down his thigh, I had
intentionally moved my chair just out of his reach. He
noticed immediately and raised an eyebrow.
Smiling at him, I made small talk with the woman seated
next to me. Her husband was engrossed in something on his
phone. I didn’t envy him the shock when he received that
phone bill. Cellular at sea is not cheap. I once forgot to turn
off the data on my cell phone on a cruise, and even though I
didn’t make any calls or send any text messages, after five
days at sea, I had accrued a thirteen hundred dollar bill. So I
made nice with the lonely wife. When I glanced over at Mr.
BE, he was making nice with a lonely wife too.
She was talking to him, then laughing and touching his
arm. That was all I needed to see. It was as effective as a
punch to the gut and there was suddenly no air in my lungs,
no way for me to breathe in that room. I stood quickly, my
chair making a noise as it rumbled backwards on the floor.
Unfortunately, that gained everyone’s attention and I was
forced to mumble some excuse about why I had to leave
immediately. Really, I don’t know what I said. I don’t
remember. I wasn’t paying attention when the words
escaped my lips. I wasn’t thinking anything other than I had
to get out of there. Right. Now.
There may have been some stumbling involved as I tried
to get away from the chair I’d just pushed back and then my
heel caught on the carpeting. There may have been
something going on with my eyes, too, because suddenly my
vision was completely blurred. While I walked briskly from
the dining room, I realized I was wearing his dress, his
earrings…his ring. I just wanted it off. All of it needed to be
off…immediately.
When I reached the elevator, I stomped my foot,
completely disgusted with my reaction. What would I do
now? I didn’t have a key to his stateroom. I had borrowed his
that one time at the gallery, and used it again when he left it
on the vanity so I could pick up lunch. Because of our
agreement, I had moved out of the cabin I shared with Jolie.
If I went back, I could be interrupting something. Or, worse,
I would have to tell her what happened. As if all that weren’t
bad enough, now some foreign liquid trickled down my face.
Sniffling, I wiped them away as quickly as possible. What
had happened? He spoke to another woman, she touched
him, and he didn’t do anything about it. Were all men that
stupid? Quite honestly, in my experience, they were. Oh,but I
had expected so much more from BE. He had shown himself
to be better than that, different from all the rest.
Walking in circles, pacing while I waited, I watched the
elevator lights. “Fuck. How hard is it to get an elevator
around here?” Head bent, I began rubbing my temples. So
lost in thought, I never heard him coming up behind me. My
leg up in our power struggle was completely gone. Just as I
circled around once more, I walked right into him. Instead of
being relieved, I was even ore devastated.
“Whoa. What’s going on?” he asked concerned.
“Nothing. I’m not feeling well. I just needed some air and
space and…and time,” I said as I spoke into his chest. I was
torn. On the one hand, I wanted to burrow into him, grasp at
the comfort he clearly wanted to offer. Yet my pride had me
pushing back, pulling away. Somehow, I just couldn’t meet
his eyes. I couldn’t reveal the hurt and pain I felt. Worse, I
felt such shame. Was I really that pathetic? Could the first
guy who came along and seemed decent really evoke such
immediate feelings from me? It made no sense. It was as
though I didn’t know me at all.
“Come eat dinner,” he urged. “You’ll feel better. I’ll be
the most devoted husband ever.”
Shaking my head, I pulled away from him and hugged
myself. “Can I get the room key? I just want to go…get
changed…”
“What if I don’t give it to you?” he asked, testing me.
“Then I give you back your ring, the earrings, and send
the dress back later. I’ll go stay in my own cabin with Jolie.”
I raised an eyebrow at him, a visual suggestion that he pause
and decide what he was going to do.
Sighing, he started to pass me the card then he jammed it
back into his pocket. He seemed to think he had a better idea.
“Let’s go back to the room. We’ll order room service. I’m
starving.” The elevator finally arrived, an irony that wasn’t
lost on me. Since I hadn’t responded to his suggestion, he
frowned as he laid his hand on my lower back and directed
me toward the open elevator. Only this time, the hand on my
lower back felt unwelcome and it was all I could do to not
shake him off, shove him away.
A horrible thought occurred to me. This wasn’t about my
pride. If it was, I simply would have made every man within
twenty feet fall for me, start giving me the eyes. I could do
that. I was young, attractive, and wearing a virtually
transparent dress. If it were about pride, I’d be making him
sorry, making him want me, making him regret that he ever
let another woman lay a hand on him…even if it was only his
forearm. Alas, this seemed to be about something much
more involved, like my heart.
My head was down as we walked onto the elevator. Still, I
noticed that he had hit the button for the lido deck instead of
the Atlantic. Embarrassed as I was, I didn’t trust myself to
speak, to protest, or to object. For now, I would simply go
along with whatever he had in mind. So I waited dutifully for
him to lay a hand on my back and direct me where he wanted
us to go. I plodded along as he brought us to the buffet. I
watched with fascination as he made me a hot tea.
“This should soothe you some,” he said quietly, “since
my hugs aren’t doing the trick tonight.” He passed me the
mug and watched my face for a reaction.
“Thank you,” I mumbled quietly. This was such a
humbling experience. Really, I didn’t like it one bit. Worse, I
couldn’t find a logical reason for my reaction. It was so
frustrating.
“Let’s get food to go,” he said, “unless you want to stay
here to eat.”
Looking up at him, I wondered what I saw. Was this his
version of contrite? Was he hurting too? There was a pain in
his eyes that I didn’t recognize. “I’m…sorry,” I managed to
grit out. “I’m sure I overreacted. Let’s sit here, have a nice
quiet dinner, and salvage our night.”
Staring at me for a moment, the pain gradually
disappeared and was replaced by hope. He pulled me close,
careful to not spill my tea, and kissed my head
enthusiastically a few times. “I’m sorry too,” he said. “I
didn’t mean to hurt you, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to
trying to make you a bit jealous.” Glancing around, he
seemed to notice that we were drawing more attention than
he was comfortable with. He reached out, turned me toward
an empty table for two near the windows and once again
placed a hand on my lower back.
This time, I felt the warmth and comfort that I usually
did. It did more to elevate my spirits than the tea. We sat and
he spoke immediately. I watched and waited while sipping
the Earl Grey.
“You are so…amazing and beautiful. You drive me
absolutely wild. Now, I know we said that this was to be
living in the week, in the moment. I guess I managed to get
caught up in all of it. Suddenly, it was as though you really
were my wife, as though you really were mine. That changed
everything. Let’s not forget again. More than that…let’s just
treat each other right. No more games. No more
competitions.”
My eyebrows rose and I blushed some. He was definitely
onto me. He might just be my soul mate. Alas, I’d never
know. “Sounds good,” I said honestly. For some reason, with
him, I had lost my edge. If I had learned anything though the
years, it was there was no sense in competing if I wasn’t
going to win.
The mug was nearly empty, but my heart was full. We
were not only going to salvage the night, but the rest of the
week. We weren’t back on track as much as we had found our
groove.
With that, we headed to the buffet lines. “I’ll meet you
back here,” I said happily. “I have to teach this buffet a
lesson.” I winked at him and walked away. Without looking
back, I already knew he was staring at my butt through the
dress. This time it wasn’t a game. I really did want him to
want more.
As we finished up dinner, he looked at me from across the table.
“So, do you want to see a show?” he asked. “We could go to
the comedy club.”
I shook my head as I stared at him patiently over the
salted rim of my margarita. He would hit on the perfect end
to our day eventually.
“We could go to the casino and gamble this time? I think
I’m finally accustomed to you in that dress. What was I
thinking, buying you something I couldn’t handle you
wearing in public?” He smiled playfully.
“You have excellent taste in dresses. And women. By the
way, in case you haven’t figured it out yet, you’ve peaked.” I
beamed.
“Peaked?” He looked confused.
“Sadly, you are completely doomed. You will never find
another woman like me. You might just as well resign
yourself to a life of celibacy now. Forever will I be the
measure for all the others.” I bit my lip to keep from
laughing, but in all honesty, I meant it.
“Well, then I guess it’s a good thing I married you. Now
wife, what would you like to do tonight? You seem to have
something in mind, since you have turned down my every
idea. I swear, I will never understand the complexities of
your crafty little mind,” he said, and then bowed in
deference.
“Let me show you how I think we should end our night,”
I said as I stood. I reached out, offering him my hand, the
good one, the one with the ring on it.
His hand grasped mine for a moment, ran his thumb over
my fingers, pausing just under the ring. He smiled. “I chose
well,” he said quietly, suddenly more serious than the
moment merited.
“The ring is absolutely beautiful,” I admitted, squeezing
his hand a little tighter.
Standing, he looked me in the eyes, cupped the side of my
face with his free hand and said, “I meant you.”
“If you want to get technical, I picked you,” I teased.
Then before we could break our agreement about competing,
he kissed me, gently, sincerely, openly…like a man kisses the
woman he loves.
It took my breath away. It made my heart beat wildly.
Mostly, I walked around numbly for a bit, glad that I didn’t
have to focus since I had BE to help me navigate the halls.
When I was finally thinking straight again, we were in the
hot tub and he was running a hand up and down my inner
thigh.
“Something I said,” he asked innocently before winking
at me. “Or, I’d like to believe it was something I did.”
That was pretty much all the inciting I needed. I was
going to make him forget too. He would forget every woman
who came before me, every moment that I wasn’t a part of,
every dream he had that didn’t include me. Starting now.
Propelling him across the hot tub, I finally noticed that
we had the entire Serenity spa to ourselves. Even the towel
boy was long gone. There was no one on the deck above us,
no movement at all. It was as though we had the entire ship
to ourselves and I was determined to make the most of it.
The sky was a dark velvet with more stars than I had seen in
a long time. One of the best parts of being far from
civilization was that there were no lights to block out those
in space. He must have noticed that I was admiring the night
for a moment because he commented on it. “Will you look at
that? So many constellations. I can’t remember the last time
I took the time to look.”
“I completely understand,” I admitted. “I need to get
away from the city skyline more often and slow down.”
Running my hand up his inner thing like he had done to
mine, I watched as he went from relaxed to anticipatory.
“This is a good start,” I murmured. “We should slow down.”
My movement nearly halted as my pace turned into a crawl.
When I finally reached my intended destination, it only took
a second for me to reach under his swim trunks and free him
from the mesh lining. He had a semi, but I knew that I could
fix that. By now, I had him so well trained that it barely took
more than a couple of strokes of my hand for him to be eager
and at the ready. Having such an ability was amazing and I
reveled in it.
Bringing my legs up, I was soon wrapping them around
his waist. Once they were hooked, I leaned back and floated
against him. He ran a hand over my pelvic bone and down
over my eager wet opening. I think he wanted me to object,
to claim some false modesty, but that wasn’t me. With him,
it was even less likely. Instead, I gave him a brazen look,
dared him to do it.
Without even glancing about first, he slipped my bikini
bottom aside, lowered the front of his trunks, and quickly
pushed his erection inside me. Instantly, I sat up, on his lap
and went to work. Never had I been more proud of his
daring. The sheer excitement over possibly getting caught
thrilled both of us. We would hear a door open above or
footsteps on the deck and we’d halt momentarily. The
moment we felt safe again, we’d pick up the pace.
“I shouldn’t be doing this,” he mumbled.
“We won’t get caught,” I said with an unexplained
certainty. Maybe I simply couldn’t imagine strangers ruining
this moment for us.
After, it didn’t take long for either of us to achieve our
orgasm. We quickly adjusted our suits so that no one would
ever suspect the passion that had just passed between us.
Then we both climbed out of the hot tub and wrapped up in
the bathrobes we brought with us.
“I’ve never been this horny before…not even when I was
teenager. I swear…I am ready for you the moment you look at
me with those lustful eyes,” he murmured into my ear as he
nuzzled me close on his lap. He seemed a bit more out of
breath than I expected of a guy his age. “I don’t understand
what you do to me, sexy wife.”
Though earlier in the evening I might have made
suggestions or discussed my theories as to what was
between us, this time I knew to stay focused and let him
draw his own conclusions. We had mere days left together.
“Let’s not question it. Let’s just be.”
“I can live with that,” he said against my neck. Then he
chuckled at a joke I didn’t understand.
6
W hen I carefully opened my eyes to the light, Mr. BE was
staring down at me, smiling. He was propped on an elbow
and began stroking my cheek with the back of his other
hand. “Morning, gorgeous,” he said quietly. “We’re in Grand
Turk.”
Bounding from the bed, I threw on the bathrobe. “Oh my
God! What time is it?” I ran to the balcony and threw open
the door. Sure enough, we were docked. Judging by the
colors, it was definitely the Caribbean. All the buildings were
in shades of pink, blue, green, and peach. There was a big
beach with white lounge chairs in neat rows across it. “Ah,”
I said with a sigh as I leaned momentarily against the
doorway.
Walking back into the room, I dropped the bathrobe and
my panties while I walked over to my bag. After rummaging
around in it for a moment, I found what I was looking for,
my black bikini. Our time was limited. I was a woman on a
mission. It was then that he cleared his throat.
“It’d be a shame for that beautiful naked body to go to
waste,” he murmured as he walked over to me and dropped
his boxers.
“Yeah?” I said with a smile.
“Look,” he said, showing me the watch on his wrist. “It’s
only seven am. We can’t even debark until nine am. We don’t
have to be back on board until four-thirty pm…” He began
caressing my naked skin, hoping to sway me to his way of
thinking. He could be very persuasive. Soon, I was covered in
goose bumps and shaking with need.
His head bent as he began kissing me. He was playful at
first, then it changed and the kiss was laced with a growing
sense of urgency. He bent his head further as he began to lap
at my nipples, then suck, and finally applied just the right
amount of pressure with his teeth. We were just about to
climb onto the bed when there was a knock at the door.
“Really?” he asked aloud with more than a hint of
frustration. “Bathrobe,” he said to me, pointing to the one
on the floor near the balcony door.
“What about you?” I asked.
“I’ll grab one from the closet,” he said with a shrug. Then
he turned toward me. “Not that I’ll be able to close it,” he
said with a chuckle while pointing to his erection.
Pulling open the closet, he took the one remaining robe
and slid into it before tightening the belt around his waist.
With his penis poking out of it, I couldn’t help but chuckle as
I righted my robe and watched him answer the door.
“Hey,” Jolie began when he had the door propped open
two or three inches. “so which excursion did you sign up
for?”
Throwing the door wide open, he sighed. “Jolie, we
haven’t even managed to get up yet,” he said with an edge of
exasperation to his voice.
After glancing down briefly, she looked him in the eyes
once more. “You seem to have gotten up just fine.” She
crossed her arms over her chest.
With a giant sigh, he stepped aside and let her in. “I’m
going to go take a shower,” he said to me. “A really cold
shower.” Then he went into the bathroom and shut the door
behind him.
“Nice, Jolie. Thanks for that,” I said with a smirk. “How’d
you find us?
“Oh, your fake husband gave me your real cabin number.”
She shrugged. “At the moment, I’m just killing time. I
haven’t seen you much and I thought we were planning our
next move,” she said sadly.
“Who hurt you?” I asked. Jolie never missed me as much
as she did when someone let her down.
Never one to make me work for it, she simply let it all out.
“Her name was Misty. She was perfect…hot body, great
smile, and an awesome sex drive. Then I saw her with
someone else at breakfast.” She sat heavily on the bed.
“You’ll be fine. This is just fun, remember?” I smiled at
her then walked over to join her on the edge of the bed.
With a scowl, she said, “I remember. Do you? Because you
two seem pretty hot and heavy. In fact, I’d go so far as to say
you two are breaking all the rules.”
Smirking, I said, “Rules are meant to be broken. Cheer up.
And unless you have any objections…let’s move to Vegas. I
think we’re just the right age for it. Plus, it’s not the kind of
place we’d ever want to settle down. What do you think?”
Jolie seemed to be trying out the idea in her mind. Slowly,
she smiled. “Yeah, I can see that.” She chuckled for a
moment. “Sin the Vixen in Vegas. I can’t wait.” Standing,
she looked at me and went in for a hug. “Okay, maybe I’ll see
you two in Grand Turk.”
Then she moved to exit the cabin. “Bye, handsome
mystery man!” she shouted at the bathroom door as she
headed out of the stateroom.
I chuckled. There wasn’t much else to do in that situation.
“Are you clean?” I asked, as I opened the door and leaned
into the bathroom.
Standing there with a towel wrapped around his waist, he
smirked at me. “As a matter of fact, yes, I am,” he
responded.
“Good,” I said, “because I’m really dirty.” Then I knelt
down in front of him and pulled the towel off of his hips.
Taking him in both hands, I opened my mouth wide. This
was going to be a great day.
We had a nice relaxed breakfast. He was super calm, more
relaxed than I had ever seen him. Naturally, I felt the need to
comment on it. “Having the testosterone sucked out of you
is a good look for you,” I joked.
He heaved a completely euphoric sigh. “You are a good
look for me,” Mr. BE said seriously. He took my hands in his.
“Thank you for this week,” he said, staring intently in my
eyes. “You will never understand how much this means to
me.” He broke the stare and looked away.
I studied him. What was going on? Was he hurting like I
had been? “Listen, you’ve done wonders for me too,” I said.
This moment was entirely too serious. I needed to have fun.
“Let’s go do Grand Turk.” I nodded to the shore from the
lido deck.
“Where do you want to go?” he asked with a questioning
face.
Smiling, I responded, “Wherever our feet take us.”
Those feet…they really knew where to go. Since it was early
and a nice comfortable temperature when we debarked, we
decided to do some sightseeing first. On previous cruises, I
had stopped in both Freeport and Nassau. They had been less
than exciting and only looked really good from a distance.
Once I set foot on shore, the novelty had worn off very
quickly. Needless to say, I hadn’t expected much, but Grand
Turk was truly beautiful. Everything was new and well
maintained. There was tons of shopping, and I don’t mean
souvenirs, I mean real shopping…like major name brand
companies and designers. It was so nice that we couldn’t
even find a cheap souvenir lighter for the fancy cigar he had
hoped to light. The duty free shop was incredible…an
amazing selection of perfumes, makeup, liquor, and jewelry.
I wandered around sniffing and touching until Mr. BE caught
up to me.
“Try this one,” he said as he squirted me with a tester.
Before I could protest, my wrist was covered in some
foreign perfume. “That was worse than walking through a
Macy’s,” I complained. Then I sniffed my arm and all was
forgiven. “What is that? I love it.”
“J’adore,” he announced proudly. Then he walked away. I
watched him put the tester back, then grab the biggest bottle
they had off the shelf before walking away with a spring in
his step.
Shaking my head, I turned my attention to a guidebook
displayed on the shelf in front of me. Traveling the
Caribbean was one of my many dreams. Maybe I should pick
the book up for future getaways with Jolie. Before I could
make that decision, BE had returned to my side and was
shoving me out the door claiming he was ready to try
another store.
Since this area of Grand Turk was set up much like a strip
mall, we went through a series of shops where he would
wander off, leaving me to look around on my own and then
magically catch up with me later. I tried not to be too nosy…
no man wants that kind of wife, but I’d be lying if I didn’t
admit that I was a bit curious when I saw numerous bags in
his hand. While we walked, I tried to casually lean over and
peek.
“What are you doing?” he asked, a knowing look on his
face.
“Just stretching,” I explained, contorting my body
various ways to support my claim.”
Shaking his head, he warned, “No peeking! You’ll ruin
everything. Soon enough. Promise.”
Apparently I need to be the kind of wife that is into
surprises instead of a spoilsport. To get my mind off the
packages, I suggested that we stop at the first bar we found
to get a drink…and maybe a snack. “You’re starting to wear
out. I can feel it. Your enthusiasm for the day is waning” I
noted after he started to seem tired again. “Let’s stop
shopping and relax. It’s time to enjoy some sun and beach,
get the real Grand Turk experience. I saw some beach chairs
from the boat. Let’s find them!” I said eagerly.
“Whew. I mean, it’s getting hot and I would love a drink.
And to see you in that bikini…” He laughed.
Hooking my arm through his, we turned a corner…and
there it was: Margaritaville! “You have got to be kidding
me!” Then I squealed like the girl I am and started tugging
him behind me. “We have to go here!”
“What’s so special about Margaritaville?” he asked,
clearly unenthused about the place. “I was rather hoping
we’d find some quiet little beach bar…” He shrugged.
“You will love this. I promise,” I assured him as I dragged
him to the door. We paused for a moment as I snapped a few
pictures of him in front of the parrot, next to the sign, and in
front of the fountain. Then, we entered through the gift
shop.
The Grand Turk Margaritaville was so different than what
I expected. Of course, I had only been to one previously in
Myrtle Beach. There it was part of a greater shopping
experience centered around a man made pond filled with koi.
This one, however, had a pool, a beach, and a radio station.
People were lounging around, sipping drinks, working on
their tans in this gorgeous tropical location. More than
anything, I was excited to join them.
“How’s your skin?” I asked.
“Soft as a baby’s bottom. What kind of question is that?”
he asked with a laugh.
Shaking my head, I said, “I mean do you burn easily. I
don’t want you getting skin cancer. Take off that shirt,” I
ordered as I pulled out the bottle of SPF 30 I had in my bag.
Once he had removed his polo, I started applying the lotion
liberally to my legs and arms while we stood off to the side.
“Where do you want to sit?”
Mr. BE glanced around. “I’m torn,” he said finally. “I
mean over there is the beach and all those really inviting
lounge chairs. Over here, the pool, the radio station, the
party atmosphere.” He took a moment to analyze our
options while I applied my own lotion. Finally he had a
logical suggestion. “What if we sit over here on the side of
the pool near the beach so we can enjoy both?”
“Perfect,” I said sincerely, popping the lotion back in my
bag while we walked to where he had picked.
When we found two loungers together, we dropped our
bags, and he went to the bar to get us drinks. In his absence,
I organized by laying out our towels, then I took off my
sundress, and sat on the chair. Pulling out the lotion, I began
to slather it on the places I hadn’t been able to reach, my
shoulders and my chest. Then I felt strong hands on my back
and smiled as I relaxed into it. “Thank you, handsome,” I
said as I grabbed his wrist to kiss his fingertips. That’s when
I realized that I didn’t know those fingers. To begin with,
this guy was a nail biter. Mr. BE had beautiful hands.
Suddenly I was holding the wrist very differently, like it
disgusted me. I stood very slowly, so as not to cause a scene,
and then I turned to look at the guy who just imagined he
could run his hands over my body without permission. There
was no holding back. I could feel the look of disgust on my
face. “What the hell do you think you are doing?” I asked
through gritted teeth. “You don’t just lay your hands on a
woman you don’t know. That is assault. Had your hands
gone lower, I could probably make a case for sexual assault.”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I suddenly felt very
exposed.
He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could speak,
I interrupted. “I don’t need to hear anything…not even an
apology. Just go away before my husband gets back with our
drinks.”
It was too late. Mr. BE had returned. He passed me a huge
margarita in a blender cup. Normally, I would have been all
excited over the souvenir glass, but the tension was such
that I could have cut it with a knife. I started to pack up our
beach towels and stick the sun block into the beach bag, but
he gestured for me to stop. So I did.
The guys were having a standoff, staring each other
down, seeing who was going to break first. They seemed to
be equally matched size wise, but after watching the Rocky
films, I knew better than to place my money on the big guy.
Finally, the tension was broken when the handsy dude
offered to buy Mr. BE a drink.
“Sure,” he said, unimpressed. Then he gestured to me
and said, “Come on, babe.” He took the beach bag from me.
It seemed to be something that he would have done anyway,
not a show of ownership. I have to tell you, I appreciated it.
The weight of the bag, those straps cutting into my shoulder,
it was a worry of the past. I had a man now, a husband even,
to help with the heavy lifting. A woman could get used to
this, even an otherwise independent woman like me.
Know what else I could get used to? The Caribbean. The
bar looked like something out of a movie or print ad even. It
was this open-air bar with a grass roof. The sky was
gorgeous. The temperature was divine. A gentle breeze kept
it from being too sticky or humid. I just loved everything
about the place, the moment, and maybe even a little…the
man I was with.
So we stood at the bar and the man ordered a shot of
tequila. Mr. BE did the same. The gauntlet had been thrown.
Pride was at stake. I started sucking down my margarita.
This could be a long day.
They went shot for shot while I sipped this never ending
super strong margarita. After a while, I realized why it
seemed to be never ending. The bartender kept filling it.
When I looked at him questioningly, he responded simply,
“You’re going to need it.” Then he nodded at the men trying
to best each other in a drinking challenge.
Sighing, I said, “You’re right. Thank you.”
By the time we made it back to the boat for dinner, I was
stumbling and my stomach was churning. We went directly
to the buffet where my husband, in his great wisdom, loaded
a plate with food for him and rolls for me. He made me a hot
tea, and filled his own glass with this half lemonade, half
sweet tea mixture that he claimed was very tasty. Taking one
look at me, BE had decided that we’d be taking this meal
back to our cabin.
After making our way back to the room, I collapsed on the
bed. Though I was sure there was nothing sexy about my
posture or pose, my care at the moment was limited to not
puking. Already I was certain I faced a losing battle. This
wasn’t going to be one of those times that I could just sleep
it off. Nope. Every time I closed my eyes, the room spun out
of control and my stomach rolled.
“I don’t get it,” I mourned. “I’m a responsible drinker.
How did this happen?” Then, when I felt my stomach
contents threatening to make a return trip, I rushed to the
bathroom.
Sitting on the cool floor felt nice, of course it if hadn’t
been a bumpy faux tiled floor, it would have been even nicer.
In the bedroom, I could hear Mr. BE eating his meal, the fork
occasionally scraping against the plate, the periodic sound of
his glass being set on the coffee table. The more I thought
about it, the more I realized it didn’t make any sense. He had
been drinking longer and harder than I had to win the
competition with that jerk at Margaritaville. Yet now, to look
at him, he seemed completely sober. A few minutes later
when I still hadn’t returned, he peeked in to check on me.
“Babe, you okay? You need me to hold your hair or rub
your back?” His voice was filled with concern.
Somehow even though I wanted to be still, I managed to
shake my head. That proved to be a big mistake that had me
scrambling to my knees to launch my stomach contents into
the toilet. I’m sure it was really attractive. So glad he was
there to see it. When I was finally aware of something other
than the lurching and cramping of my stomach, I realized
that despite my original protest, he was rubbing my back and
holding back my hair.
After wiping my mouth with a towel and blowing my
nose, I looked at him sadly and joked, “Well, you have the
vows down.”
“The vows?” he asked with a confused look.
“Yeah, you know…in sickness and in health.” I gave him a
weak smile.
Leaning in, he kissed me on the forehead. “Let’s give you
a shower and put you to bed.” He suggested.
After considering his words, I nodded and let him help me
out of my clothes. All these other times between us had been
so sexy. Every day had been filled with passion and heat. The
past ten years, it had been just me and Jolie. We each had our
own space and generally, if I was sick, I was on my own. For
once, it was nice to experience some tender loving care.
He turned the water on and tested it, showing me yet
another facet of his personality. This had been such a
revealing day. The more I knew about him, the more I liked
him. What wasn’t there to like?
Moments later, he surprised me by undressing and
joining me. Thinking he was going to turn this moment into
something I was in no condition to participate in, I started to
open my mouth to protest, but he silenced me with a finger
to my lips. “This isn’t a time for sex, babe. I just wanted to
be in here to help wash you, to steady you, to keep you safe.
There will be plenty of time for you show your appreciation
later. For now, let me show you how much I care,” he said
gently.
It’s a good thing we were in the shower, otherwise he
would have known that some of the water running down my
cheeks didn’t come from the plumbing.
7
L ike so many of my past experiences, the drinking had
seemed like a good idea at the time. Only, now, as I woke up
back in our stateroom with my head pounding and no idea
what time of day it was, I began to reconsider my reasoning.
I glanced around with one eye open while holding my
throbbing head. There he was, the picture of sobriety, my
pretend husband, sitting on the couch to my left reading a
book.
Slowly, I sat up. “How?” I asked.
He chuckled. “How did you get here?” He set the book
down and stood to join me in bed. He crawled across the cool
white sheets until he was beside me, smiling. “You walked…
mostly. I tucked you in after the shower.”
“Mmm…what time is it?” I asked frightened.
“Don’t worry. You haven’t missed anything yet. You still
woke in time to have breakfast before they close the buffet,”
he said as he stroked my back.
Making a face at the idea of food on my stomach, I said,
“I don’t know about that.”
“Trust me,” he said. “You don’t want to skip a meal right
now. We’ll get you loads of Coke to settle that stomach and
some rolls. You’ll be a new woman.” He nuzzled my neck
after brushing some hair away.
Sighing blissfully despite my rolling stomach, I said,
“Okay. Talk me into it…but explain one thing first?”
Kissing my ring hand, he said, “Anything.”
“How is it you aren’t sick? You drank way more than I
did.” I crossed my arms over my chest. This was really
hurting my ego. Never let it be said I couldn’t hold my liquor.
Mr. BE chuckled. “Did I?” he asked. I looked at him
suspiciously. Chuckling harder, he said, “What? You’ve never
seen Coyote Ugly? I spit it out while drinking my chaser.
Don’t worry, Big Dumb and Ugly never figured it out either.
On the bright side, he won’t be bothering you anymore.” He
winked at me.
“Smart and handsome.” I marveled. “Can I pick a
husband or what?” Before he could answer, ruin the moment
with some remark, I threw my arms around his neck and
pressed my body against him. After a few moments, I finally
pulled myself away. There was something so perfect about
being in his arms. When he held me at night as I drifted off
to sleep, when he hugged me close when I was awake, having
his hand on my lower back as we walked along…somehow his
touch made me feel complete, like a part of me that I had
never realized was missing had at last returned. With a sigh,
I threw back the covers and stood as soon as my feet hit the
floor. I stretched and said, “So, what shall we do today?”
Smiling wide, he said, “After yesterday, I thought we
could use some quiet alone time. Don’t worry. I think I’ve
found a way to make it special.”
Looking at him sideways, I asked, “What have you done?”
Shaking his head, he responded, “It’s a surprise. Go get
ready.”
He was right…about everything. For the first time in my life, I
lost nothing by someone else being right. Instead, I had
everything to gain. We apparently had a shore excursion
planned in Half Moon Cay that he swore would be absolutely
perfect.
Once he saw I was up and moving about, he shooed me
into the bathroom. By the time I was out of the shower, Mr.
BE had the beach bag packed and set clothes out for me to
wear.
While I dressed, I had trouble taking my eyes off the bag.
It was the white elephant in the room. Finally, I said, “I
know that technically the bag is yours, but as your wife,
don’t I get some kind of peeking privileges?”
Of this, he was certain. “Not when your peeking interferes
with my surprising. I’ve been planning this for two days,
don’t ruin it,” he said. “I promise, it will be completely
worth your while. Better still, you don’t have long to wait.”
Then he urged me on to the lid deck before they closed
the buffet. We had a light breakfast, which was just what I
needed…some toast on the belly, a lot of tea, and a couple of
Ibuprofen. It was well rounded. Then we went to line up for
the boat to the private island. In a perfect world, I would own
a private Caribbean island…with a dock…for my yacht…that I
don’t have yet. In this world, my yacht is a cruise ship and
I’m borrowing their island. Still, it’s not a bad way to live.
As we rode the boat over, he shifted the bag a few times.
“Want me to carry it?” I asked. “I know how it can cut into a
shoulder.”
“Nah, I’ve got it,” he said, but he sounded a bit tired.
“Did you get any sleep, or did I keep you up for all the
wrong reasons last night?” I asked as I worried over him.
That seemed to be enough for him to shake off whatever
was bothering him. “Nah, I’m good,” he said. Then he
reached over and held my hand, an act that still gave me
butterflies. “We are going to have such a special day.”
Nodding, I agreed, “We sure are.” Then I felt a little
guilty. “Listen, I know our time is limited. I’m so sorry for
ruining even a moment of it yesterday.” I looked down,
unable to meet his eyes.
A gentle finger lifted my chin and he said softly, “For
better or worse, remember?” Then with a chuckle he said,
“Or in our case…you promised me the boring stuff too.”
Naturally, I threw myself into his arms at that point. I had
to. Who else would want the boring stuff? I was going to have
to make today super special.
When we landed, we checked in on the island. “Welcome to
Half Moon Cay,” the gentleman at the booth said while he
reached for the card the BE held out to him. “Ah, I see you
have rented a bungalow for the day.”
In shock, I looked over at him for confirmation. Last
cruise, I had looked into the pricing for Jolie and me. Let’s
just say it wasn’t cheap, and since we don’t spend
frivolously, we had passed. Now, I was here with this
amazing man who seemed to have really deep pockets or
really crazy spending habits, or both.
“That’s right,” BE said with a smile.
“Right this way, please,” the gentleman directed. Then he
passed us off on another Carnival employee who walked us
to our destination.
The bungalow didn’t look super fancy from the outside,
but inside it was perfect. It had table and chairs set up, some
lounge chairs on an outside deck, an air conditioner and
food. There were chips and salsa, which I think is a perfectly
yummy snack along with plenty of other comforts. I looked
around and smiled at him in approval.
“Listen,” he began, “I considered going fancier, but it
seemed that all the more expensive options came with help
and I, it may sound selfish, but I wanted you all to myself.”
He crushed me against his chest.
“That doesn’t sound selfish at all. I feel the same way,” I
said happily. Moments later, I was jumping up and down like
a kid as I asked my next question. Past experience had taught
me that cute…definitely opened doors. In this case, I was
hoping it would open bags…the ones he was carrying in
particular. “Is it surprise time yet?” I asked. For effect, I
batted my eyelashes at him.
Sighing peacefully, he said, “I suppose so.” Opening the
beach bag, he fumbled around. “Here are some extra goodies
I had them pack for us.” Then he began pulling out a few
containers of food…some grapes, and strawberries. He had a
container of whipped cream that made me smirk. Next he
pulled out some of my favorites. I had grown really attached
to their version of potato salad and seemed to eat it at least
once a day. There were sandwiches and pickles. There was
even a special chocolate mousse dessert.
“You thought of everything!” I exclaimed happily.
“I did more than that,” he said beaming. “Time for
presents.” He pulled out a box that I recognized from the
duty free shop in Grand Turk. “I love this perfume on you.
Wear it now and then and think of me, okay?” He passed me
the J’adore he had sprayed on me the day before. The scent
had lingered on me all day. It was absolutely perfect.
“Thank you,” I said, “I love it.” For a moment, I just held
the box against my chest. “How could I not think of you,
with or without perfume?” I asked him. It made me feel all
naked and vulnerable to admit it, but I couldn’t help myself
at the moment. Then I opened the box and pulled it out,
ready to spray some on.
“Wait!” He said, using his hand to halt my action. “These
go with it.” He pulled out a much smaller gift bag.
My curiosity was piqued. Slowly leaning over, I peered
inside and laughed. Apparently, he had rather liked my
selection of panties. Now he was adding to the collection.
Pulling it out, I saw it was a scarlet thong, like the rest I
owned…a patch of nylon…a couple of thin scarlet strings, and
it was all connected with a silver heart.
“You need to wear them together,” he said seductively. “I
now proclaim today P&P Day.”
“P&P?” I questioned. Though I prided myself on my
sexuality and breadth of knowledge on that subject, this was
something entirely new and utterly unheard of.
“Yes,” he said, leaning in for a kiss, “Panties and
Perfume. You game?” Then he grazed my lips with his and I
already wanted more.
“Give me a minute to think about it,” I joked. Even as I
answered, I had already begun to pull off my sundress and
slip off the panties I had put on that morning.
When I turned around, I found him leaned against the
table, appreciating the view. Tugging on his chin, his look
was intense. “I hope you know it’s all I can do to just look
right now,” he said.
Standing there wearing nothing but the panties he gave
me, I slowly raised my arms and released my ponytail,
shaking it out and letting it cascade down my back and over
my shoulders. As I did so, I heard him suck in his breath.
Finally, I turned around and gave him a view from the back,
bending completely over to fluff my hair. While I was still
bent over, I glanced back at him and asked, “What’s
stopping you?”
It was a challenge and he took it as such. Though I wasn’t
facing him any longer to see what he was doing, I heard the
sound of his belt being undone, his shorts hitting the floor,
and some elastic snapping under his fingers. Already, I could
feel my body growing ready for him. I was on fire, pulsing.
The sound of his steps closing the distance between us had
me all but panting for him. He didn’t stop walking until he
was against me, pressing his hot throbbing cock against my
wet eager opening. It felt like it had been forever since we
had been joined together. His thumb reached in and flicked
the thong aside while caressing each butt cheek with one
hand. When he finally came around to the inner thigh area,
he spread my legs slightly and said quietly, “What would you
like?”
The feeling of his erection so close to where I wanted it to
be was a huge distraction. Suddenly I was aware that I had
been holding my breath. Exhaling slowly, I nearly
whimpered. “In me. In me, please. Right now.” Then I
grabbed onto the nearest chair to brace myself.
There was a brief pause before he responded seriously,
“Okay, but only because you said ‘please’.” Then he chuckled
as he leaned over and whispered in my ear, “Breathe, baby.
Don’t forget to breathe.”
Just as I inhaled, filling my lungs with air, he filled my
vag with his hot erection. Seriously, for a moment, it was like
being penetrated with a huge flaming poker in the very best
ways. I couldn’t get enough. This was no time to play coy.
This was an opportunity to get the release I had waited long
enough to enjoy. “Is that the best you can do?” I teased as he
leisurely moved his hips.
“Really?” he asked. “This is when you decide to mess
with me?”
Letting out a throaty laugh, I said, “I prefer to think of it
as inspiring you. Now come on, I can take it. All of it.” Then I
gripped the back of the seat even tighter.
It took him a minute, but he slowly began to pick up the
pace. Even then it was so much slower and way gentler than I
wanted at the moment. His hands came around and gripped
my waist. “Better?” he asked playfully.
Shaking my head, I moaned, “Are you gonna make me
beg for it?”
Leaning way over, he whispered against my back. “Yes.”
That was all the encouragement I needed. Soon I was
bucking against him. “Faster. Fuck me like this,” I urged,
making sure we slammed into each other. As soon as we
were done, I probably wouldn’t be able to walk, but in this
moment, I didn’t care. The need was too great.
He grabbed my hips tighter and held on, pushing again
and again. We found our rhythm. It didn’t take long before I
was panting and crying out. The moment was simply too
intense. I slammed my mouth shut for fear of what words
might come out, which resulted in a series of whimpers and
yelps. Suddenly, my body was contracting in rolling waves
and I leaned my head against my extended arm and hid as
much of my face as I could. Moments later, with one
powerful last thrust, I knew he had climaxed too. It was too
soon. I didn’t want to be done. This should go on forever.
Instead, we collapsed on the floor right there on a pile of
beach blankets. “Hold me?” I asked. In answer, he pulled me
closer, fit my body to his, and spooned me like it was his job.
No wonder I fell asleep.
Waking before him, I laid there and studied his features. BE
was by far the best man I had ever been with in every single
way. Sure, he was attractive, and mannered, and intelligent.
Hell, I could go on and on about his qualities, but it all boiled
down to the way he was put together creating and incredible
person. While I was considering this, my hand had lazily
trailed down his chest, past his belly button, and down his
happy trail. Though he wasn’t completely shaved, it was
close cut, clearly groomed and my fingers played in what was
left of his hair. Soon, his penis began to jerk to life. As it did,
I became more and more intrigued. It wasn’t like I had never
experienced this phenomena before, watching a man grow
an erection, but he was sleeping and I could totally just enjoy
him.
Before long, my hand rubbing up and down his shaft
simply wasn’t enough. It was time for him to be in my
mouth. Moving out of his arms and away from the warmth
he provided against the air conditioner, I lowered myself
down against his waist. There I had the perfect view and only
inches to move my face before I could take him into my
mouth.
It was easier to fit all of him in while he was only semi
erect. Gripping the base of his penis, acting like a cock ring,
and sucking and licking up and down the length of him, I
was soon reward with a full erection. Even though he hadn’t
stirred, it felt like a victory.
“Well done,” he murmured as he reached over and ran his
fingers through my hair.
At first, I could feel the color rushing to my face. Then I
remembered that I was his wife, for the week, and I had
nothing to be embarrassed about. “Why thank you,” I said,
looking up at him through my lashes.
“Please, feel free to wake me like that any time. Best
alarm clock ever. Screw the buzzing. I deserve a blowjob,” he
teased, becoming more alert by the minute.
“For my next trick,” I began while crawling up his body,
“I’m going to do a reverse tuck triple…”
BE was laughing at me. “I think you just combined like
three different dives. If you’re trying to tell me that you want
to jump on it, have at it.” He grinned at me while waiting
expectantly.
“Nah.” He looked completely taken aback. “No, I mean.
Well, those words sounded do much prettier than—reverse
cowgirl.” I winked at him.
Then without saying another word, I licked him a few
more times and focused some special attention just under
the head that made him stand a little taller at attention.
Satisfied that he was currently being all he could be, I
hopped right on that soldier. Backwards. And I was rewarded
with a gasp.
“I wish you could see what I see,” he said as I rose up and
down on him.
“Tell me,” I said simply. Already I had learned that he
had the prettiest ways of sharing his thoughts with me. His
descriptions were bound to enhance the mood for both of us.
He panted for a moment, then seemed to collect himself.
“Oh my God, you are amazing,” he claimed.
His toes curled just then so I knew he wasn’t making it
up. “What do you see?” I asked, giving him another nudge.
Behind me, I could hear him taking a breath, then what
sounded like him licking his lips. Finally, he spoke. “You
have the most perfect heart shaped ass I have ever seen.” He
moved one hand from my hips to polish my buttocks.
My insides were jumping while he spoke. Then I rode him
a little harder, and slightly faster. His toes curled some more.
“What else?” I urged.
His hand returned to my hip once more. “Oh, and you
have the tiniest waist. This amazing back.” He rubbed up and
down my back, almost like he was giving me a massage.
I could feel the pressure beginning to build within me.
“Keep talking.”
“You just have the smoothest most inviting skin,” he
murmured. “I can’t stop touching you.”
“Don’t stop. Don’t ever stop,” I managed to grunt out.
The pressure was unbearable. I knew any minute I’d be
experiencing those welcome waves. “Are you close?” I asked.
“Just waiting for you,” he said through gritted teeth.
“Don’t wait.” Those were the last words I uttered before
it happened. Inside, I could feel him jerking and knew that
his semen was spurting into me once more. The lubrication
changed the feeling entirely and somehow my orgasm was
even stronger than the last. Every bit of him was hitting me
just right.
Slowly, I dismounted, struggling to move. Reverse cowgirl
always took a lot out of me.
“Are you okay?” he asked gently, while rubbing up and
down my thigh.
Nodding, I laughed. “It could be worse. There are times
I’ve gotten butt cramps in that position.”
We snuggled together, peering out the doorway. The
beach was very private, used only by the bungalows. We had
seen no one. Still, we knew better than to take our P & P Day
out of doors.
“Wanna get dressed and swim?” I asked, feeling the pull
of the blue water now that my hunger for him had been
temporarily sated.
“Sounds like a great idea,” he agreed.
The water was crystal clear. The temperature was perfect.
There was a quiet understanding between us, or maybe he
was just quiet. He seemed lost in thought. I understood. I was
too.
We played some in the water, splashing around, trying to
chase each other. It didn’t last long. “Water and sun are
making me tired,” he complained. “Let’s settle in on some of
the blankets and eat. What do you think?”
“I think that sounds wonderful. I didn’t realize I was
starving until you brought up food,” I commented before I
walked back into the bungalow and brought out the blankets.
“It’ll be like a beach picnic. Great idea.”
I meant it too. There was something special and
memorable about every moment. Once I had the blankets
laid out and the food set up on it, we settled in to relax. “You
really do look tired,” I mentioned. “Eat.” Then I fed him
some grapes.
“What are you going to eat?” he asked.
“Don’t worry about me. I’m not shy. In fact, I’ll probably
eat a little of everything,” I said, reaching for a pickle, then
deliberately sliding it in and out of my mouth.
Smirking at the image that created, he said, “Nice.”
Though I had intended for our conversation to stay light
and playful, it soon turned far more serious than I planned.
“What are you doing after the cruise?” he asked. “When the
boat docks in Charleston, what does your future hold?”
Looking at him for a moment, I considered not
answering. “I thought we were keeping this fun. That sounds
like a serious question.” Biting into a strawberry, I watched
for a reaction, hoping to distract him with thoughts of
before.
Clearly he was too focused on whatever was on his mind
because instead of reacting to my actions, he instead
responded to my words. “I could see how it would be
perceived that way.” Then he smiled. “You can’t fault a guy
for being curious. I mean…all I know about you is that you
attract losers, yet have excellent taste in men when you
don’t overthink it.” He winked. “I know that you are
incredibly sexy, but have an equally intelligent mind. Do you
blame me for wanting to get to know you better?”
Smiling carefully, I responded. “I guess not. I just thought
we were following these rules.”
“As I recall, the rules say nothing about not talking about
our lives, just not contacting each other, or making it
possible for us to contact each other, right?” He raised an
eyebrow as he finished speaking while he waited for what I
would say next.
The eyes did it. It was always his eyes that spoke volumes
and broke down my defenses. It was going to be hard enough
leaving this man behind in a few days. The more I knew
about him, the more dangerous he became. With this
conversation, I was truly biting the bullet…or maybe
struggling to dodge bullets.
Sighing, I said, “We haven’t planned that far. We were
supposed to do it on this trip, but I met you. We’re talking
about moving to Vegas. This is a good time for us to go and
live it up for a while, especially since it isn’t the kind of place
I would want to live forever.”
Smirking, he shook his head. “Of course not. That’s how
everyone feels about Vegas. That’s why the housing market
crashed like it did there.” He laughed. “So, you and Jolie.”
Shrugging, I struggled to explain a lifestyle that must
look so strange to the outside world. “We always move
together. We always have our own place, our own space, but
when one of us requests a move, the other goes along. It’s
been like that since high school. We are living our dreams.” I
lay back, but turned my head to look at him still. “We have
rules that we never break.” I paused and looked at him
meaningfully before continuing. “Our life works for us.”
“Have you ever considered settling down?” he asked,
seemingly enthralled with the conversation.
“Hmmm, not yet. That’s actually one of our rules: never
settle and never settle down.” I explained.
Lying on his back next to me so that we were shoulder to
shoulder, he finally asked the one question I hoped to never
have to consider. “What if you weren’t settling?”
There it was. Sitting there, out in the open, like the white
elephant on the beach. There had been times that thought
had crossed my mind this trip. What if Mr. BE was actually
who I was supposed to be with? What if the next move was to
wherever he lived? What if it was time to give up our crazy
nomadic life and finally settle down? I mean…I was closing
in on thirty…in a few years.
“What if I wasn’t settling?” I repeated. “Well, first I’d
have to find someone I was wildly compatible with inside
and outside of the bedroom. I’d have to find someone who
could put up with my crazy. Where would I find such a
prize?”
That was one way to sidestep a question. After proudly
answering a question with a question, I waited. He was up on
his elbow once more, staring at me, considering all that I had
said. We might as well have still been inside naked; the
questions had the same effect. We were stripped bare at the
moment. So much was riding on this…it was my future, his
future, a potential for an our future. It had become a classic
standoff. I rolled onto my elbow too. We each stared at our
opponent, both of us understanding the importance of the
next spoken words. Just as the silence threatened to become
uncomfortable, he spoke.
“You make a valid point.”
All I could do was stare at him blankly. Of all the things he
could have said. Why didn’t he tell me that he could be that
man who would put up with me? Why couldn’t he suggest
that he was the man to love me through all life threw at me?
Maybe he just wasn’t that man.
Before he could say any more, the ship horn sounded,
warning us that it was time to catch a boat back. Without
saying another word, we worked together to gather our
belongings, pack up, and head to the beach area designated
for pick-ups. We were quiet, each lost in thought, and why
wouldn’t we be. There was much to consider. Finding
someone on a cruise was highly unlikely. It was a doomed
situation. This…a vacation in general and a cruise in
particular were ridiculously impossible places to find a mate.
There was no way that life together off the ship would ever
compare to life on the ship. It guaranteed disappointment.
To even try it was relationship suicide. Look at us. We didn’t
even know each other’s names.
“You’ve been deep in thought,” he commented as we walked
back to our stateroom. “What are you thinking?”
Glancing at his wrist, I made up an excuse. “It’s time for
sushi.” I wore my most playful look when I turned to him.
“Wanna come with me?”
He chuckled. “Ah, yes. I forgot I suddenly eat sushi with
just wasabi, right?” He watched me nod. “I can’t believe you
don’t use soy sauce.”
I looked at him seriously. “It’s the salt, man. I puff up like
a blow fish.”
“Well, we can’t have that.” He placed his hand on my
lower back as we left the room and headed back to the
promenade deck. Pausing, he asked, “Does wasabi not have
salt?”
I tipped my head to the side as I considered this. “Nah.
Too hot. Scares the sodium away. And it’s a widely known
scientific fact that if you eat food with heat, like wasabi or
hot sauce, then you burn off all those calories.” I nodded
wide-eyed.
“You are making that up,” he accused as he struggled to
keep a straight face.
“Okay, so it’s more of a theory than a fact. What I do
know is that I use hot sauce and wasabi all the time and eat
like a pig yet I maintain this body without any rigorous
exercise. That makes it a fact for me.”
“How can you not consider the amazing sex we’ve had
this trip some form of rigorous exercise?” he asked with a
smirk.
“Simple. Exercise involves sweat.”
“Oh, we’ve sweat plenty,” he countered.
“Okay, how about I hate exercise. It’s boring and
monotonous, whereas I love sex with you and there’s
nothing boring and monotonous about what’s between us.” I
stared at him, challenging him to find fault with my
reasoning.
“You win,” he said simply with a shrug. “I can’t imagine
if we had seven years instead of seven days that sex would
ever be anything but fun and exciting with you. Honestly.”
Then I stopped in the hall, stood on my tiptoes, wrapped
my arms around his neck, and said, “I love playing with you.
You are my favorite.” With that, I kissed him on the nose,
released, and walked to the nearest elevator, leaving him to
stare after me. Oh, yeah. He still wanted me.
While we were eating sushi, I caught a couple staring at us. At
first, I wondered at it, and then I stared back too. Brazenly.
They seemed to be about our age, late twenties, early thirties
at most. The woman had smaller boobs than I did. She had a
taller, thinner figure, whereas I tended to be curvier with a
thin waist and flat abs. A look passed between us and I had
an idea where this was going. After all, this wasn’t my first
cruise. I had seen all kinds of craziness and been
propositioned my fair share before too. It didn’t surprise me
in the least when she nudged her husband and gestured our
direction. I knew they were going to walk over and talk to us.
“Do you trust me?” I asked Mr. BE in a low voice. We had
very little time before they crossed the short distance to
where we were sitting. He looked confused. He hesitated. So,
I held his face in both hands while I spoke again. “Tell me
you trust me and I’ll make this the most memorable night of
your life. Got it?” He nodded blankly. Releasing him, I folded
my hands neatly in my lap. “Now, just follow my lead.”
The couple sat down across from us at the table we had
chosen across from the casino. The man spoke first and what
he said earned him an elbow to the ribs from his wife. “So, is
this your first cruise?”
I laughed. It was the maritime equivalent of ‘do you come
here often?’ Never would such a lame statement move me,
but I was willing to give the wife an opportunity to salvage
the situation. She looked like the kind that knew how to take
control.
The wife looked at him after the elbow. “Don’t speak,”
she said seriously. He started to open his mouth, but she
gestured a closing motion with her hand and his jaw snapped
shut immediately.
Covering my mouth so I wouldn’t burst out laughing, I
still couldn’t keep myself from commenting. “Wow. I swear I
saw that move on The Dog Whisperer.” If they didn’t like it,
it didn’t matter to me. I could make Mr. BE’s night
memorable with or without help. It’s not like our happiness
or satisfaction was riding on them.
Brushing her long blonde hair back from her face, she
smiled. “That’s where I discovered it. Works on men too. You
should try it some time.” She smiled sweetly at my cruise
husband.
“Yes, well, I never need to. He’s perfect.” I shrugged.
“No man is perfect,” she argued as she studied him a
minute. “Leaves the seat up?”
Shaking my head, I said, “Nope.”
“Leaves empty boxes in the pantry?”
I looked at him sideways, but he really didn’t seem the
type. “Afraid not.”
I could see she was going to just keep going, so I helped
her out. “He helps out around the house, he’s gainfully
employed, he lets me have all the girl time I want,” I said,
looking at her meaningfully. “He always makes sure I come
before he does. I get it when I want, where I want, how I
want. Hell, we did it in the hot tub just the other night.”
There it was. Match point.
Glancing at him, she eyed me, looking at the top of my
sundress and my ample cleavage. “All the girl time you want,
huh?” she asked, licking her lips. There was nothing subtle
about this chick.
“Yes, but he’s more of a joiner and I wouldn’t have it any
other way. Last time, we laid down some ground rules and he
obeyed completely.” I was afraid that the word ‘obeyed’
might have rubbed him the wrong way, insinuated he was
someone to be controlled, so I squeezed his leg reassuringly.
He must have caught on because he began massaging my leg.
“Well, what are your rules?” she asked curiously.
“I tell you what,” I began. “I’ve had enough sushi, and
now I’m really ready to eat. If you care to join us in our
stateroom, this is the number.” I grabbed my eyeliner from
my clutch and wrote it on the cocktail napkin that came with
the sushi. Passing her the napkin, I said, “Oh, and you
should know in advance, for the ladies it’s P&P Day in the
cabin.”
“P&P Day?” she asked, but her eyes were sparkling.
“Yes, all I can wear inside the room today…panties and
perfume. Be sure to dress appropriately. The dress code is in
full force the minute you step inside our suite.” Then I stood
and began to walk after gesturing to Mr. BE to join me. I
made sure he walked in front of me. After all, it was me that
she needed to watch walk away.
Once we stepped off the elevator onto our floor, he turned and
looked at me with wide eyes. His face might even have been a
bit paler than normal. “Oh my God,” he began. “What have
you done?”
Eyeing him curiously, I tried to decide if he was excited,
apprehensive, or angry. Judging by his actions, the way he
kept running a hand through his hair, it was a combination
of the three. “Listen, they’ll either come and we’ll have a hot
and sexy time, or they won’t and we’ll have a hot and sexy
time. Either way, it’s a win-win situation.” I shrugged.
“I’ve never…” he began. His words hung in the air
between us as he paced around the hall. Even though this
was a big cruise ship there wasn’t a lot of room for that and
his anxiety was even more obvious.
“Yeah, I can tell,” I said with a slight smile. “Believe me,
you have nothing to be ashamed of. You have nothing to
worry about. Your skills are impressive, your size is
shocking, and your stamina is without match.”
“Okay, that much is true,” he said, as he paused midstep. Turning to look at me, he finally shared what was
bothering him. “I just thought marriage was sacred.”
I leaned on the wall next to the door to the suite. “Was it
sacred when we had sex with Jolie?” I asked.
He looked stricken that I had said that out loud and in the
hall. “Get in the room,” he whispered loudly.
“I’m just saying…” I started. “And what about this…we
aren’t even really married!”
That last part hit him like a splash of cold water in the
face. “Wow. It’s easy to get caught up in these games, isn’t
it?” he asked meekly. There was more to it than that. The
dose of reality seemed to truly sadden him as well.
“Very,” I said as I walked into his arms. He held me close,
his face buried in my hair. I almost hated to ruin the
moment, but time was of the essence. “Now we need to
discuss our rules quickly because I’m pretty sure we will be
having company soon.”
“Can’t we just use the same rules we had for Jolie?” he
asked weakly. “Those seemed to work pretty well.”
Smiling at the memory, I noted, “That they did. The only
difference is that now we have another man involved. How
do you feel about that?”
Swallowing, I was pleased to note that it did look like he
had a jealous bone in his body, probably even a jealous
boner. Shaking his head, he said seriously, “I don’t want him
in you. It’s going to be hard enough even letting him touch
you.”
Looking up at him, I said, “You can say no to this if you
want. We don’t have to do it. I just thought it would be fun
for you. I don’t want you to ever forget me. This kind of
thing, bad or good, tends to be pretty memorable.” Then I
gave him my best smile, filled with hope, love, and
reassurance. Maybe he would feel it radiating out of me.
Sighing, he agreed. “I imagine it will be memorable, but
how can you ever think that I’d forget you.”
Shrugging, I admitted, “Life gets in the way. Someone
new will come along…”
Staring down at me he murmured, “But beautiful and
mysterious wife, don’t you know I’ve peaked? You will
forever be the measure for all that come after you because no
one that came before could even compare.”
My vision clouded slightly then. Damn watery eyes. “Kiss
me,” I urged.
Leaning down and closing the distance between our lips,
he captured mine with a fervor that had me tingling. Our
mouths knew this dance. It was familiar, welcome, and so
exciting. My heart started racing as his arms wrapped even
more tightly around me. One hand was soon knotted in my
hair while the other caressed me, and finally ended by
cupping my buttocks. In that moment, I was ready for him,
wanted him and only him. My arms wrapped around his
neck, wishing this time together would never end, and this
cruise could go on forever.
We were still engrossed in our moment when there was a
knock on the door. Certain they had arrived, I readied myself
by quickly stripping off my dress. As we did every time there
was a knock on the door, Mr. BE had answered, but this time
I was sitting on the edge of the bed with my legs crossed in
his gift panties, wearing his gift perfume. Apparently, she
had taken my dress code seriously because as soon as the
door was opened, she stood there in a bathrobe, while he
wore the same polo shirt and khaki shorts he had on before.
BE quickly closed the door once they were in the room. She
stood and stared at me a moment before dropping her
bathrobe. Her husband, who had been standing behind her,
was quick to pick it up.
Once they entered the bedroom area of the suite, his eyes
widened when he saw me. BE just smiled proudly. I was his…
for the next few days…and I made sure he knew it. She came
over and sat next to me, close enough that we could touch. I
waited until I saw her licking her lips again before speaking.
“So, you share your ground rules and I’ll share ours.”
Instead of responding, her eyes were focused on my
boobs. I knew she was dying to touch them, play with them,
and suck them. Rather than wait for her, I tool control and
spoke again. “We’re pretty much soft swap,” I said as I
reached over, took her hand in mine, and placed it on my
breast. “We do girl on girl play, anything goes. And when we
play with couples, I can give blowjobs, hand jobs, anything,
but penetration. My husband…well, I don’t want him in any
vagina but mine. Otherwise, anything goes.”
Her eyes shot up and she continued to play and tug on my
nipple. She even had the other hand working my other boob.
It was rather nice. I could see, even out of the corner of my
eye, that both men were getting erections. Her husband was
looking uncomfortable, pushing it down. Mr. BE, however,
was leaned against the wall, letting it just stand out and take
center stage. How I wanted to walk over and free that cock.
That was the man I had fallen for, calm and confident.
Instead of interrupting the action already taking place on the
bed I decided to let him. “Babe, you can undress now.” I
suggested.
With a smile, he did so, starting from the top. Even after
days of watching him undress, I still loved the surprise of it,
when he took off his shirt, the unexpected muscle definition,
the smattering of hair below his belly button that made the
most seductive happy trail. So I may have sighed happily,
which resulted in him shooting me this secret look.
Next it was off with the shorts. The minute they fell to the
floor and we caught sight of his cock straining against the
boxer briefs, even to the point of pulling the top open a good
inch, I heard our guests gasp. “Oh, and my husband…is
straight.”
“All I need to know is that he doesn’t mind anal. I have to
have that in me,” she said. She was so excited that she was
really playing hard with my nipples. I knew my panties were
wet. I had to get this moving along.
Well, I had really left myself open for that. While I had
specified no other vaginas, I hadn’t really covered the back
door. Looking up at him, I felt somewhat sick to my stomach.
He was about to be in another woman in front of me. He
didn’t seem to hate the idea, didn’t shake his head, so I
guess I just had to go along with it. Digging deep, I found my
confidence once more. “Sure,” I said, “With a condom.”
Without hesitation, she snapped her fingers at her
husband, who pulled out two three packs from his pocket.
“How would you like to begin?” she asked.
Lying back on the bed, I said, “My kitty needs some love.”
That was all the encouragement she needed. She had
given some orders, but all I knew was that she was between
my legs, first fingering me, then pulling aside my thong to
taste me. I had glanced over at Mr. BE. My need was great.
No orgasm would be complete unless he was a part of it.
Swiftly, he moved from his position next to the closet to
the side of the bed. I took him in my hand and started
stroking him. Her husband had finally undressed and
seemed to be servicing her, getting her ready for BE. Her
poor husband, but I couldn’t think about him. I loved every
moment of making memories with BE.
Soon, he pulled away from my hand and my eyes shot
open in worry. They shouldn’t have. He stood there, looking
down at me. If I didn’t know any better, I would have
thought it was love that I saw. I mean, guys had professed
their love plenty, but I had never really felt it back. Sure,
there were some that I missed more than others, but no one
had ever really been able to get under my skin. Ever. Yet
there he was, looking down at me with those eyes. I didn’t
know his name, but I knew that I would miss him in a way I
had never missed anyone before. He had me in a way no one
had previously. This time together had been life changing.
Suddenly, he bent low, hovering over my lips with his,
staring into my eyes with his amazing blue ones. “I have to
tell you something,” he said seriously. All I could was nod in
expectation. With the woman between my legs working her
magic, I was having a difficult time focusing on anything
other than the pleasure of it all at the moment. “I love you,”
he said seriously. “I really, really love you.” Then before I
could respond, before I could even process what to say, he
closed the distance between our lips and kissed me…deeply,
passionately. Then just as quickly as he had spoken those
words, he was gone. Did he think I wouldn’t say them back?
Was that why he had to silence me?
Looking for him, I found him now down behind the wife.
Her husband was done doing whatever had had been doing
behind her. Apparently it was now BE’s turn. I watched as he
slipped a condom on over his erection. My chest started to
ache. He was going to do it. I was going to see him in another
woman. Even if it was just anal sex, I didn’t know if my heart
could handle it. Just the other night I had lost it because a
woman touched his arm while we were fully clothed in the
dining room. This was so much worse. How could I have
been so wrong about this idea? What kind of man tells his
pretend wife that he loves her then turns around and butt
fucks another woman?
Closing my eyes, I decided to act like the woman licking
and sucking on my clit was really doing an amazing job. I
couldn’t watch this. Happiness is the best revenge. Those words
suddenly flew through my mind. Then tentative hands were
on my breasts. Without looking, I already knew they
belonged to the woman’s husband. Opening my eyes, I
focused on him. “Harder, please. That feels so good,” I
murmured, never taking my eyes off him. Based on his
reaction to my words, I guessed he never received many
‘pleases’ and probably fewer ‘thank yous’. I was going to
make this night memorable for him. Ignoring the moaning
from the woman still planted between my thighs, I reached
for his cock.
Though it was nowhere near as hefty as BE’s, it was
pretty much average. I knew what to do with it. A penis like
that, I could deep throat. Take that. Moving, I pulled away
from the woman at the end of the bed. She was so overcome
from the anal sex with my husband. Dammit. My fake
husband. Get it right. Bottom line…she never noticed my
absence.
Out of the corner of my eye, I knew BE was watching me.
He might be pounding into the woman, but it wasn’t giving
him the kind of pleasure that being with me did. There was
some satisfaction in that. Her husband was standing beside
the bed, unsure of what to do. Ever so gently, I took his hand
and pulled him into bed with me. After I had him on his
back, I straddled him. I could hear BE inhale sharply, like he
thought I was going to break the rules. Instead, I moved so
that the man could play with my breasts, suck on them a
moment.
Leaning over him, I whispered in his ear, “I don’t
suppose you enjoy sixty-nine?”
Nodding exuberantly, I chuckled before I rotated around
on him and positioned my vag in front of his face. Then I
picked up his hard cock and put it in my mouth. After licking
it up and down a few times, I sucked it all the way in,
something I can’t do with BE. Knowing he was watching me
spurred me to give this man I cared nothing about the best
blowjob in the history of the world. An onlooker would have
thought I was a porn star. Oh, but finally, I met BE’s eyes. I
wanted him to see what it really was. In the instant our eyes
connected, he knew.
Pulling out of the woman, he quickly moved to my side.
Yanking the condom off, he told the man, “My wife, my
turn.” Before anyone could object, he had taken me in his
arms and started kissing me.
My vagina had been spit polished until it shined from the
other couple, but more than anything, I wanted him in me.
Every bit of my being ached for him. It was like being thirsty,
standing beside the ocean, and knowing that you couldn’t
drink.
The other couple could clearly see where this was going to
go. The wife had already climbed on her husband and was
ordering him about, telling him what to do to satisfy her. He
seemed content with it. Lord knows I left him with a raging
hard on.
BE laid me out on the free side of the bed. Climbing onto
it, he slowly made his way back up my body, kissing and
nipping here and there as he went. He paused briefly over my
pelvis to plant a kiss on my clit and suck it into his mouth for
a moment. The entire time he worked, he never took his eyes
off mine. Oh, and we know how I feel about those eyes. Now
they weren’t just piercing my heart, but my soul as well.
Eager as I was, I couldn’t help but pull him up, all the way
up my body, so he could finally be in me. It had been hours,
but felt like days since I’d been impaled by his penis. This
time felt different, and not because of any audience. This
time. I knew how he felt. It changed everything.
Spreading my legs impossibly wide, I waited to feel the tip
as he moved. Soon enough, it was caught right where I
wanted it. Slowly, I raised my hips, hoping to slide it down
the wet welcoming folds. My lips parted and a sigh escaped
as he entered me, just the way I liked, inch by inch, so I
could savor every bit of him. The intense look in his eyes
spoke volumes.
What had happened moments before didn’t matter. That
he was in some bitch’s asshole minutes ago meant nothing.
That I was sucking a strange man’s dick like it was my job
didn’t amount to anything. Though both these people were
still in the room, we were completely oblivious to anything
but each other.
BE opened his mouth to speak after he had found his
rhythm. Instead of allowing him to have his say, I cut him
off with a kiss. “Later,” I whispered against his lips. “When
it’s just us.”
Nodding in agreement, he picked up the pace some, but at
the moment, I wanted control. I needed it to feel powerful
once more, confident like I usually was. Rolling him, I took
the top then sat up. It gave our guests the advantage of being
able to touch my breasts, but I barely noticed. The woman
kissed along BE’s shoulder and ear, but he ignored her.
It didn’t take long before I could feel my muscles
tightening around him, ready to contract. A smile spread on
his face as he felt it too. “Now,” I managed before the
whimpering started.
Letting out a huge growl of possession, as he exploded
within me. I could feel it, every bit of it, and it shattered me.
It sent me over the edge. In that moment, I had the first of
many orgasms that night. It had little to do with the three
sets of hands roaming over my body. It had nothing to do
with the other couple that tried to please me any way I
allowed. Yet it had everything to do with one man I hardly
knew professing his love and showing me all the best ways.
Hours later, we finally sent the other couple away. We
were snuggling together under the covers with the balcony
door open, so I could listen to the waves lapping against the
side of the boat. It was then one thought occurred to me
before I drifted off to sleep. I might just love Mr. BE.
8
“A bout last night,” he said as soon as I opened my eyes on
Day Six of the cruise. Outwardly I cringed at his words,
inside my heart was racing, my stomach was somersaulting,
and my womb was pulsing. There was a lot going on at the
moment.
“What about last night?” I asked as calmly as I could
manage.
“I may have said some things in the heat of the
moment…” he started.
Oh my God! The most important moment of my life and he’s
taking it back! The thought of it hurt my heart. I couldn’t just
sit there and listen. “No take backs!” I shouted as I leapt
from the bed. With my fingers in my ears, I rushed to the
bathroom. Slamming the door behind me, I leaned against it.
Well, that went well, I thought as I studied my reflection in
the mirror. There was a bead of sweat over my lip. For some
reason, I wanted to cry. My body began to tremble from the
effort of holding all those emotions inside.
Those words he spoke last night, I didn’t care if they were
hastily spoken in the heat of the moment. I didn’t care if he
decided in the light of day that he felt differently. It
mattered…to me, it mattered that I had his love. Even if I
never saw him again, I wanted his love right now, at least for
now.
Reaching behind the shower curtain, I turned the lever for
the shower. While it warmed up, I brushed my teeth and
studied my face objectively in the mirror. Did I look
different? I felt different. Instead of the confident woman
who normally looked back at me, I was weak. Oh how I hated
the woman who stared back at me.
Finally as the mirror began to fog, I stepped into the
shower. By the time my hair was wet, and my eyes were
closed while I shampooed my hair, I was no longer alone. BE
had quietly snuck into the bathroom and, slipped inside the
shower, and come up behind me.
“You misunderstood,” he began quietly in my ear while
he reached around and held me close to his wet naked form.
My shaking began once more. There was no escape, but it
didn’t mean I had to just give up and take it. “Really. What
didn’t I understand?” I asked in challenge.
Releasing his hold, he tried to turn me by placing his
hands on my hips, but I shook him off. Giving up, he
apparently decided to speak anyway. “I shouldn’t have said
what I did with an audience. I never told you before. I should
have waited until we were alone, in a moment like this.”
His words about knocked the air from my lungs. I
whipped around and looked at him wide eyed. “You aren’t
taking it back?” I asked, suddenly more ashamed than I had
been even moments before when I rushed into the bathroom.
Shaking his head at me, he smiled. “No, I’m not taking it
back, but I would like to do it right this time.” He took a deep
breath. “I love you, nameless wife. I love you like I have
never loved anyone.” He looked at me in a way that made my
toes curl. “For you, I would break all the rules.” He leaned
down and looked into my eyes. “All of them.” Then he kissed
me in a way that made my womb wish for things it never had
before. Yet somehow, I couldn’t bring myself to say it back.
Over breakfast, we made our plans for the day in Nassau. “So,
I’ve never been here before,” he said. “Maybe we should just
spend the day sightseeing.”
“I have.” I mentioned. “There’s not a lot of sight to see.
We can go to the flea market, the beach, that kind of thing.
Honestly, the best part of Nassau is Atlantis over on Paradise
Island.”
One thing I had noticed about him was that he never
asked how much anything cost. He never complained about
money. It was as though money wasn’t an object. That was
incredibly appealing. I had plenty of money. I could easily
have paid my own way. I didn’t need to beg him for things. I
never lived beyond my means. The end result was I had a
very nice nest egg, not just for my age, but for any age. Hell,
it meant that every time I moved, I could buy a new nest. I
had homes in cities all over the US rented by property
management companies. In a backwards way my mom had
trained me for financial success while she prepared me for
college. When I was growing up, we never had anything.
Watching her struggle changed me. In truth, I owed all of my
success to her.
Must be he had been considering what I told him while I
was lost in thought because the next words I heard were
about going to Atlantis. “So, we’ll do that. I can’t wait. We
should be able to watch the sunset from there,” he said with
a smile.
With plenty of time before we were allowed to debark, we
went back to the room before to pack our bag. I knew what to
expect there, and with no surprises planned, I was actually
allowed to touch the bag. It was packed in minutes and we
were leaving the ship soon after that.
If yesterday was about romance and sexy time, today was
about fun in the sun. A woman standing at dock offered to
hook us up with a taxi as soon as we passed the welcome
sign. We took her up on it and drove in one of the many
dilapidated vans that doubled as taxis on the island. A short
ten-minute ride later, we pulled up to Atlantis.
“What would you like to do first?” he asked.
Shrugging, I said happily, “Everything.”
That’s just what we did. It was fun. It was interesting. It
was a learning experience.
Atlantis was more than a hotel, it was a resort with every
amenity imaginable. Once you arrived, there was really no
reason to leave until your stay had ended. And I promise you
would never want it to end. We walked around out back and
saw the marina with all the yachts. Never before visiting here
had I seen anything like it.
“Suddenly, I want a yacht,” he said as though he could
just pick one up on a moment’s notice. For all I knew, he
could.
“Really? I’ve always wanted one to travel around the
Caribbean. Can you imagine?” For a second, I let my mind
wander.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said with a smile.
At that moment, a few of our items began to spill out of
the beach bag we had brought. When he turned and found
me bent over picking things up and stuffing them back in, I
chuckled. “We just have way too much in here. Some of this
should have been in a second bag. Let’s just make the best of
it, okay?” I asked, worried about spoiling our day.
“Nah, you should never have to make the best of
anything. Let’s solve the problem.”
At that, he was dragging me inside down the rows of
shops. We passed by several before he found one that he
wanted. “Gucci,” he said. “Let’s get you a new bag.”
“I have lots of bags,” I protested.
“That may be the case, but you don’t have bags here and
you don’t have any on the trip. You’re going to need a new
bag anyway to take all those dresses with you,” he reminded
me.
I visibly cringed. “You are spending too much.” I frowned.
“Let me buy this.”
“Sorry, a good husband spoils his wife,” he said seriously
as he paid for a new bag.
It didn’t take me long at all to organize it, separate out
some of the items and ensure that predominantly beach
items, like towels, sunblock, and suits were in the beach bag
while all my toiletries and such were in the new Gucci bag.
When I finished, I looked up and saw him staring at an
advertisement for the aquarium. Pointing he said, “That’s
our next stop. Come on.” Grabbing my hand, he walked me
to a desk where we purchased a day pass for the waterpark
and aquarium.
By now, I had learned to never protest. Honestly, I loved
aquariums. They were always so peaceful. How could I not? I
was a water girl, happiest when laying near, floating in, or
living by water. “Let’s go,” I said, already feeling the calm.
The whole aquarium was themed after finding the lost
city of Atlantis. It was cleverly done and so cool to walk
through. There were areas where we could see people
snorkeling with stingrays. There were fake relics and statues
and artifacts. It was the perfect place for a fake married
couple on a pretend honeymoon to go when they were really
falling in love. BE was so eager to please me. As we walked
through a walkway filled with lobsters all around, I joked,
“We should pick one for dinner.”
“That’s a great idea,” he said.
I didn’t give it another thought. It was still early, we were
only closing in on lunch. “Let’ go to the water park now,” I
commented as we exited the aquarium there. “We can get
some sun, rest and relax, grab a bite before we have to be
back on the boat at seven pm.”
“Okay,” he said. “I could go for a nap in the sun.”
I thought he was joking, but he meant it. For two hours, I
played on my phone using the resort wi-fi. I took pictures
that I knew would make me a lot of money, and I took some
that were intensely personal. It was lovely and relaxing. Just
before I could consider getting bored, he stretched and rolled
toward where I sat, then gathered me in his arms.
“Did you have fun?” he asked while I scrolled through the
images on my camera.
Nodding, I said, “Absolutely.”
“I’m starving,” he said. “Let’s eat.”
There was no twisting my arm. The sun makes me
hungry. At least that’s what I’m going with. In minutes we
were dressed and headed back inside the resort. “Wait,” I
said, tugging on his arm. “There were all these snack shops
outside. One even had ice cream!” I knew what the man
liked.
“Sorry, babe,” he said. “We’re not eating at a snack shop.
We’re going to sit inside and eat with real live plates and
glasses and forks.” He grabbed my hand. “Come on.”
Soon he had us eating at the fancy restaurant on the main
floor, right beside the aquarium. It was a big beautiful wall of
water and fish. My heart swelled. “I love this. Thank you,” I
murmured.
A waiter came by for our drink order, but BE gave him our
entire order, which included lobsters. “You do know you can
stop wooing me already, right?” I teased.
“This isn’t wooing,” he assured me. “This is what I do for
the woman I love.”
My heart pounded in my chest. More than anything, I
wanted to tell him. I really did. It could cost me everything,
but I might just be ready. He might be worth the risk.
Luckily, the waiter brought our meals so I didn’t have to say
anything at all.
“After a week with you, I’m going to need a BOB,” I
mentioned offhandedly.
“Who’s Bob?” he asked with narrowed eyes.
Laughing, I responded, “Not a who…a what. BOB stands
for battery operated boyfriend.” Immediately, he heaved a
sigh of relief. “What? Jealous?” I teased.
That had us picking out a few sex toys in one of the shops.
It had me commenting, “Wow, they really do have
everything here, don’t they?”
Finally, our most expensive stop was the jewelry store. It
wasn’t like the duty free stores. They were like going to
Walmart compared to these places.
“Pick,” he said, gesturing around the place. “Anything
you want. It’s yours. It’s for tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” I asked. Since it was the last day of the
cruise, I was dreading it. This time, this magical period of
my life would be over too soon.
“Yes.” He took a breath, and then he grabbed my ring
hand and held it to his lips as he kissed it while looking into
my eyes. “See, P&P Day was created by a friend of mine. He
and his girlfriend used to do that one day a week when they
were off together. I always thought it sounded fun, if I could
just find someone to do that with. Then I met you. Only…you
are an original, one of a kind. We deserve a day of our design.
Then, it came to me after our talk earlier.”
“Oh, really?” I said, confused.
“Yup. Our day, tomorrow, will be B&B Day.” He watched
me for a reaction. I was busy trying out the initials in my
head to no avail. Coming closer, he whispered in my ear,
“Baubles and BOB.”
I burst out laughing. “Perfect. You may have actually
found a way to make me look forward to tomorrow,” I said.
“You aren’t? It’s a full day at sea. We get to just be all day.
Whatever we want to do. We don’t even have to leave the
room if we want. We could just order room service all day.”
He shrugged.
“Aren’t there still things that we need to do? Boring
things?” I smiled.
He thought for a moment before he asked me, “Like
what?”
I leaned into his chest and wrapped my arms around his
waist. “Promise not to laugh,” I said.
“Of course not,” he said. “Nothing is too boring,
mundane or cliché for us. Got it?” He lifted my chin and
forced me to look him in the eye.
“I want to see the sunrise with you. I want to watch the
sunset. I want to make out during a movie. Silly, huh?” I
tried to smile through the shame, but I couldn’t do it. It was
a weak smile at best.
“Baby, anything for you, but first…pick!” He urged.
By the time we left, I had a necklace with a diamond star
and a matching bracelet. Rather than wear them out, we
packaged them to go so that they would seem so special and
new in the morning. From there, we walked through the
resort until we reached the casino.
“Care to gamble?” he asked.
Shaking my head, I declined. “No, I never gamble. I don’t
mind watching. I’ve just learned that too many people risk
more than they can lose. I do that enough in life. I don’t need
to risk money too.”
Looking at me, he frowned. “What do you have to lose?”
he asked curiously.
Sighing, I admitted something I never expected to and
came one step closer to saying the words I feared. “My
heart,” I said quietly. Then I walked on ahead alone, before
he could lay his hand on my back or say something that
would allow him deeper access to my already weakened
heart.
When we returned to the ship, we dropped everything off in
the suite before we headed to the buffet. “You bought us
lobster dinners at Atlantis. What could you possibly still
want to eat?” I asked him in shock.
“That was hours ago. And to answer your question:
dessert. There should always be room for dessert. I’m going
to have some ice cream. Care to join me?” he asked, offering
me his arm.
“Oh, I’ll join you. I just don’t plan to eat. I need to watch
my figure.” I smiled at him.
“Baby, I’ve been watching it all week. You are perfect.”
Then he punctuated his proclamation with a kiss on the very
tip of my nose. “Have some ice cream with me and then we’ll
do some boring stuff after?”
Narrowing my eyes, I asked, “Like what?”
Pointing out the windows at the sky, he said, “Like
sunset. Better hurry.”
That was all the motivation I needed. Walking to the
nearest soft ice cream machine, I made myself a healthy
looking chocolate cone. Turning to him, I asked, “Now
what?”
“Simple, now we go enjoy everything.”
Taking my hand, he led me through the automatic doors
to the tables on the deck. There we ate our ice cream on the
back of the boat while watching the sun sink low over the
ocean. After giving it some thought…I’m not sure there was a
way we could have made it more special. It was absolutely
perfect, just like that.
As soon as we finished our cones and the sun had
officially set, we headed down to the Promenade deck. There
wasn’t much going on at the moment. The casino was quiet
while most people were at dinner. The photographers had set
up backdrops the entire length of the area. At first I thought
he wanted professional pictures, but instead, we veered
toward the loungers.
“Let’s lay here and watch the water. We can talk for a bit,
snuggle. Then I have one more activity in mind before we
call it a night,” he said.
“Really?” I wanted to question. I wanted to push, but
instead, I was willing to let him share in his time.
So while the cuddling was good and the lounger was
comfortable, when he finally told me it was time and hauled
me away, I was ready.
“I just want you to know…I’ve been paying attention,” he
said seriously as he led me to the Jubilee Lounge.
We found a sofa way up high in the back. “What are we
doing here?” I asked.
“Just wait,” he urged.
Minutes later, it happened. The lights dimmed, a screen
opened up and a movie started. I don’t remember it. Not any
of it. I wasn’t there for the movie. I was there for making out.
Man, did we make out. It was incredible. And when an
older couple sitting near us looked at us disapprovingly, and
a teenager suggested we get a room, we looked at each other,
nodded and headed back to the room.
Time was too precious to waste. The promise of tomorrow
was too great. We needed our rest. As he held me tightly in
his arms once more, I couldn’t help but get more than a bit
nostalgic as I realized that I would only get to fall asleep like
this one more time. No wonder there was a lump in my
throat as I tried to fall asleep.
9
T he only evidence I had that I had fallen asleep was that I
woke up. I felt as though a bus had hit me. The sleep had not
been restful in the least. When I opened the door to walk out
on the balcony, I realized that it was raining. It seemed
fitting. Not only did the rain make for a perfect excuse to
stay in the cabin, but also it was as though the sky had
opened up to mourn with me. BE was still asleep, resting
peacefully. More than anything, I didn’t want him to see me
like this. It was time for me to shake off the melancholy and
get ready for what I hoped would be one final wildly
romantic day.
So I practiced smiling in the mirror while I waited for the
shower to heat up. I shaved everything really well. I scrubbed
my skin with the body scrub. After drying off, I applied
lotion, I towel dried my hair, and I repainted my nails. Still,
he slept.
Since breakfast was the most important meal of the day
and we were dangerously close to missing it, I decided to get
us food from the buffet. Leaving him a note on the pillow, I
headed up to the lido deck. It didn’t take long to gather our
favorites. It took even less time to return to the room. He
was just stirring in bed when I entered the stateroom.
“For you,” I said, warmly as soon as he was sitting up in
bed. “Fuel up. I plan to burn a lot of calories today.”
“Do you, now?“ he said with a still sleepy smile while
running his fingers through his hair.
“Absolutely.” I nodded. “I have big plans for you.”
We ate breakfast in bed. Then, with satisfied bellies, we
lay there and a natural series of conversations ensued. Well,
they were natural for us. “What was your first time like?” he
asked as he ran his hand up and down my side.
Smirking, I responded, “If you are asking if I’ve always
been a nympho…I’m afraid so.” I sighed. “It seems I was a
bit naïve. My boyfriend picked me up on the Fourth of July to
go to an amusement park about an hour and a half from
home. When we arrived in the town, the weather suddenly
turned and the sky opened up. Much like today, as a matter
of fact.” I laughed.
I began tracing his nipples with one finger. “So, after we
killed time playing in an arcade, after we killed more time
visiting souvenir stores, and finally after we had run out of
options for killing time, we stopped at a drug store. He left
me in the car as he ran inside. When he returned, just in time
to avoid a ticket for being double-parked, he passed me a big
paper bag. In it there were a dozen roses, some snack food,
and a three pack of condoms.”
He stared at me. “I’m listening,” he prodded gently.
“From there we drove to a resort on the lake that had a
bunch of cabins. Again, I was left in the car as he ran in. The
whole time, I was trying to decide what to do. I wasn’t sure I
was ready. We hadn’t been dating that long. At the same
time, I was closing in on my seventeenth birthday. All my
friends had already lost their virginity. It had stopped
seeming like this big prize, any big deal at all. So, when he
brought me in and sat on the bed and said those magic
words…we had sex.” I shrugged.
“So, he told you he loved you and you had sex with him.”
He sounded partially amused, partially annoyed.
“No…not that,” I said, taken aback. “He told me we didn’t
have to have sex, that we could just lie there all day and
watch television. He told me he bought the condoms just in
case, former Boy Scout and all. That sealed it. I liked his
attitude. I reasoned that there couldn’t be a more perfect
first. And in the end I was right.” I looked at him slyly.
“Okay, my first was actually my first, second, and third.”
“Ummm, how’s that?” he asked, looking at me intently.
“Well, I may have mentioned that I was inexperienced?
He bought a three-pack of condoms. How was I supposed to
know we didn’t have to use them all at once?” I peeked at
him then. He was stifling a laugh.
“Wow, you were a teenage boy’s dream, weren’t you?” He
leaned over me and kissed me repeatedly. Before I could say
anything else, he added, “And now you’re mine…my dream,
my wish come true.”
“I am?” I smiled brightly at him.
“Didn’t you want to ask me anything? Did you want to
know about my first time?” he asked.
“Me? Ask you?” Shaking my head vehemently, I assured
him, “No, I don’t want to know about your past. I don’t want
to know about anyone before me.” Really, I didn’t want there
to be anyone after me, but I wasn’t sure there was a way
around that.
It was still raining after lunch. We had finally dressed and left
the room, if only temporarily to get some fuel. “What do you
want to do now?” he asked with a sparkle in his eye.
“Well, I think we should try out your B&B Day idea.” I
suggested.
“What are you more excited about…the baubles or the
BOB?” he asked while wiggling his eyebrows.
Sighing, I said, “You know I’m not materialistic. So, the
baubles while nice are completely unnecessary. Then there’s
the BOB…I have you, so what do I need it for?”
“Oh,” he said, sounding a bit disappointed.
“But wait, there’s more!” I joked. “At the same time, I
love getting frisky with you. I love trying new things with
you. This will be an amazing opportunity for us to make
some memories.”
“I like the way you think. Let’s go make some memories.”
With that said, we rushed back to the room. Fumbling
with the card, he opened the door, turned to me, grabbed my
face in his hands, and kissed me hard. “Time to get
undressed,” he said excitedly.
Walking through the door, I dropped my clothes one item
at a time. By the time I reached the side of the bed, BE was
sitting there, holding open the jewelry case. “Time to get
dressed,” he said sweetly.
“If you insist,” I said, holding out my wrist. He attached
the bracelet first, and then I turned around so he could affix
the necklace. Once that was in place, I stood and waited.
Slowly, he opened the black bag. I was dying to know all
the contents. He claimed to have thrown in a few extras.
Eager was not even touching on how excited I was to
discover what would happen next. BE stood and walked
toward me with something in his hand. When he opened it, I
realized it was a blindfold.
Without thinking, I shivered. There was something really
sexy about a blindfold. Without being able to see, he could do
anything. I wouldn’t be able to do anything but feel and
anticipate. It took a lot of trust, but we had that.
“There,” he said after he covered my eyes. Then he took
me by the hand and led me to the bed. I started to climb onto
the bed, but he stopped me, halting my progress. “Wait,” he
commanded.
Soon, I was bent over. He was running his fingers slowly
down my back, caressing my buttocks. Every touch had me
on fire. The scent of cinnamon filled the room. It took me
little time to understand what was going on. He was rubbing
heated flavored massage oil all over. When he lay me down
on my back and started massaging my breasts, I thought I
was going to lose it. That was too much. I started moaning
and writhing in ecstasy. Then one thought occurred to me…
what if he used that on my vag? As intense as the sensation
was on my nipples, I wondered if I would be able to handle.
Moments later, I didn’t have to wonder since his fingers
were searching, stroking, and touching my most sensitive
region. My pelvis rose and fell with his attention. “In me,
please,” I begged, remembering how successful that was last
time I had used it. Only this time, he seemed less than
interested in giving in to me.
“Patience, beautiful,” he urged. “I want to take my time.
I’m searing every bit of this into my memory. I hope you are
too.”
The bed sank near me and with the rustling of the sheets I
knew that he had finally decided to join me. I reached out to
feel him and discovered that he, too, was naked. Lacing my
hand through his, I squeezed him affectionately before I
brought his fingers to my mouth to suck and lick. Hearing
him inhale sharply brought a wicked smile to my face.
“Did you think that by blindfolding me you had
incapacitated me?” I asked haughtily. “You didn’t. You
enhanced the pleasure for sure, but I don’t need eyes to see
you. This past week, I’ve studied you so closely that I can
still picture you in great detail with my eyes closed. To find
you, I only need my hands.” At that pronouncement, I
proceeded to run my hands all up and down his chest. In my
mind, after studying him in similar situations, I didn’t have
to see his face. I had memorized it, every expression, every
action, and I knew just what to do to elicit the reaction I
desired.
He was on his back and easily enough I managed to climb
on top of him, rub some of the excess oil from my body and
transfer it onto his. Only, I took it a step further. When I had
slowly rubbed it around his nipples and I could tell it was
taking effect based on his reaction, I leaned down slowly,
pursed my lips together, and blew a cool breath over first
one, then the other.
Since he could see, I knew that he had watched each move
as I made it. He had given away his excitement in his ragged
breathing and my hands, which helped me balance on his
chest, also gave away the pounding of his heart. Even
without words, he had told me how amazing my actions felt
by the sharp intake of breath. Now, as my wet vag hovered
over his rock solid cock, I could feel him quivering, just a
little bit.
Instead of letting him in, I rubbed my wet folds up and
down the entire steely length of him, again and again until
he grabbed my waist and flipped me over, off him, onto the
bed. Since I was on my stomach already, I simply assumed
the position and pushed my ass high in the air. That’s when I
heard it: the vibrator.
He had looked at multiple sizes and styles. Finally,
thinking his new obsession was bordering on the unhealthy,
I had left the store to find a bathroom while he finished
making his purchase. He had done well, so far. In a matter of
seconds, I should know how well he had done here too.
Surprisingly enough, I didn’t feel much of anything
besides his finger inside me. Then it started vibrating. The
intensity was enough to make me whimper. “A bullet,” I
murmured.
Then ever so slowly, he entered me from the back. While
some women took offense to this position, citing that they
preferred to see their partner, I liked this method. I loved
feeling the man slam into me, his balls slapping against me.
I loved when a man would reach around and rub my clit
while sliding in and out, or graze my nipples with a palm.
This moment was as close as I had ever been to heaven.
The day continued like this. Eventually, I lost the blindfold and
I could see him once more. I think he missed looking in my
eyes as much as I missed looking in his. Our B&B Day was
flowing along nicely. We had even introduced a few games.
There was a body bingo board game that helped us extend
the foreplay and touching when all I wanted was to get to the
main event. There were sex dice that also encouraged us to
try new things on various body parts.
We napped before our final dinner. By now we had learned
that the only games for us were the ones played in the
bedroom. Instead of even speaking to others, we were so
wrapped up in each other that no one else could entice us
into a conversation. There was no other woman stroking his
arm, no other man stroking my ego. We ate, sharing food off
of our plates. We drank, sharing a bottle of wine that the
maître d’ suggested.
Finally, we headed back to the room. While we were out,
the customs paperwork had been slid under our door. A towel
animal graced our bed.
“What is that?” he asked.
Taking a second look, I replied, “I believe it’s a snail.
Must be a reminder for you to take your time with me
tonight,” I joked.
“Oh, I planned on it,” he said seductively. “I hope you
don’t plan on sleeping.”
I shrugged. “Jolie can drive us back to Raleigh.”
Thus part two of our B&B Day began. It wouldn’t end at
midnight. It wouldn’t end at dawn. The reality was that once
it was over, it really was the end. We wanted it to last as long
as possible.
We played an extended version of truth or dare coming
dangerously close to breaking our rules. We played with the
rabbit. We worked with a cock ring. I wore my first vibrating
nipple clamps. He pulled out some bonus gift that had been
thrown in for making such a huge purchase. It was a set of
anal beads. We laughed and stuck them back in the bag.
Finally, he pulled out a red satin rectangular box with a
black bow on it. “These are for you,” he said. “I figured you
might need them after this week.”
Looking at him curiously, I slowly lifted the springloaded lid. When it snapped fully back, it exposed a pair of
glass lotus Ben Wa balls. “I’ve never used these before,” I
said. “They are so pretty.”
“Well, your pretty kitty deserves nothing less. Let’s take
these babies for a test drive.” With that, he took the box
from my hand and slowly removed them. “Lie back for me,”
he said calmly.
Doing as he requested meant that a moment later he had
inserted first one, then the other ball into my vagina. After
that, he inserted himself into my vagina too. Somehow, that
was even hotter, even better than previous times. The
experience was so intense for me that it had him pausing to
question. “Are you in pain? Is this too much? Am I hurting
you?” A worried frown blanketed his face.
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “All that hurts…is my
heart.”
He stopped thrusting into me once more. While he was
frozen in place, I rolled him over and took top. “There’s
something I have to tell you,” I began. Swallowing slowly to
try and dislodge the lump in my throat, I said something I’ve
never said to a single soul…or at least not to anyone I’m not
related to by blood. Brushing the hair back from his face, I
leaned low. I hovered over his lips as he had done to me so
many times over the past few days. “I love you,” I said. To
my surprise, I felt better having admitted it, not worse.
I had played it over in my head, practiced it several times
since he had made his announcement. Mostly, I had
wondered what it would mean. Was I losing some power by
admitting my feelings? Was I making myself more
vulnerable than I already was? Would this admission be the
end of me? Was I now going to turn into some sappy girl?
Only…nothing bad came of it. I could have sworn that I
saw tears in BE’s eyes. It was hard to say since he crushed
his lips to mine as soon as I finished speaking. There was a
moment that the kissing stopped, that we were frozen there,
nose to nose, attached at the pelvic region, and all I wanted
to do was stay there forever.
With no more words to get in the way, for the first time in
my life, I was making love with BE. It was something else I
had pondered. Would it feel different to make love, rather
than just have sex or fuck? I can tell you with absolute
certainty that it does.
When BE moved within me once more and I opened both
my heart and my legs to allow him absolute and complete
access, it suddenly became the deepest most meaningful
experience I had shared with a man. “I love you,” I
murmured against my favorite spot where his neck met his
shoulders. “So very much.”
It was as though those words had broken a dam. Soon we
both felt it, my muscles contracting in waves, his cock jerky
and spurting inside me. Never before had I been so spent, so
fulfilled, so happy, or so loved.
All morning, I had played out in my head how I would
explain all of this to Jolie. I knew what she would say, what I
could expect of the conversation on the way home. She would
ask me how I knew it was love. How could I love him when I
have never loved anyone before? The best I could figure…it
had to be love; it was real because it made absolutely no
sense…logically. Yet as I looked at it from every other angle,
how could I not love him…this man who rescued me, who
protected me, who spoiled me, and treated me like I was
absolutely precious to him.
We napped some in between lengthy lovemaking sessions.
Around five in the morning we took a shower together,
lovingly washing and caressing each other’s most sensitive
areas. We dressed in silence and while I can’t vouch for him,
I know that my silence was a product of fear. I had no idea
what I might say next, what I might reveal.
“Time to go,” he said simply.
I froze, completely stricken. “Already?” I asked sadly.
Glancing at the ship’s information station on the
television, he nodded. “We need to get going if we are to
watch that sunrise together. That and breakfast…our last two
boring activities together.”
Placing his hand on my lower back, he led us out the door.
It was bittersweet, this moment of watching the sunrise
while accepting that it signaled an end to our time together.
We stopped at the buffet to pick up a hot tea for me and a
coffee for him. I put in extra sugar because I needed it. We
walked out onto the deck and found the perfect spot to watch
the sun slowly rise up over the horizon.
The sky turned from pinks and purples to oranges. The
sun was a flaming orange ball. The sky was clear, the air
smelled clean and fresh after a day of rain. I felt fresh too.
Only just as I was ready to try something new, that
opportunity was slipping away from me.
We went inside just as the buffet opened. “Let’s eat.” He
suggested. “We can pick a table by the window and talk
before it gets too crazy in here.”
Numbly, I nodded and allowed him to direct me through
the line and the ever-growing crowd of people entering to
get in one last meal before the last debarking. With heaping
plates, we sat apart from the crowd. We ate in silence, the
tension of the approaching departure weighing on both of us.
BE took my hand in his, touched the ring one last time,
and admired the bracelet on that wrist. “You know,” he
began slowly, “some rules are stupid and don’t make any
sense. Yours, for example.” He looked me straight in the eye
suddenly and from somewhere inside me sprang a glimmer
of hope. My heart raced. My mouth dried out. “At the same
time, I want to respect your wishes.” That same hope died
and my heart dropped to my stomach.
He sighed. “So, maybe a compromise is in order?”
Slowly, a smile spread across my face. Part of me wanted
to jump up and down while screaming, Yes! Yes! Yes! Then I
remembered I was an adult, so I said smoothly, “What do
you have in mind?”
“How soon could you move to Vegas?” he asked. I could
tell he was making some mental calculations.
It was time for me to do some of my own. I could have the
movers come, load up the house, hire a property
management company, a cleaning service, pack a few
necessities and be on my way, just as soon as I helped Jolie
do the same. She always needed an extra push. “A week,” I
said. “I could be there in a week.” The more I considered it,
the more confident I became.
With a sparkle in his eyes, he asked, “What if we were to
meet in Vegas in a week?”
Biting my lip, I knew I would accept that proposal, just
like I had accepted the last. I nodded. Then a thought crossed
my mind. “We don’t even know each other’s names. How
will I ever find you?”
“Simple,” he said confidently. “We met on a boat, we’ll
meet for a boat ride.” He was playing with my hand now,
caressing it, squeezing it in the most distracting way.
“Yeah, I don’t understand.” I shook my head.
He leaned in. “Meet me at the gondola ride in the
Venentian at seven pm next Saturday. I’ll be waiting for you.
I promise.”
Over the years, I had suffered through a lot of broken
promises. This time was different. This man, I believed. This
plan, I didn’t doubt for a moment. The week apart would
quickly pass. Then we’d be together in Vegas.
Sure, there were a lot of unanswered questions. They
would stay that way. Those questions were for another time,
another trip—our visit in Vegas. All that mattered was that
today wasn’t goodbye.
Glancing at his watch, BE said simply, “Let’s get you back
to Jolie.”
I nodded. Everything felt different now. I could walk away
from this intact. I wouldn’t need to cling or cry. One week
would be a very short time.
With my key, we didn’t have to knock. As soon as I opened the
door, I found Jolie just walking out of the bathroom with her
armload of toiletries. “You’re back,” she said happily.
“Do I get any credit for returning her in one piece?” BE
asked.
“I don’t know. Did you give her lots of orgasms like you
promised?” she asked with her hands on her hips.
Placing a hand over his heart, he said solemnly, “I am a
man of my word.”
We didn’t have time for long lingering goodbyes. Instead,
I kissed him like I was going to see him later, just like he
promised. “Saturday, seven pm, The Venetian gondola ride,”
he said, holding both my hands in his. “I’ll see you then.”
After another quick kiss, he turned and walked away. The
door closed behind him, but not on our relationship.
“So, you broke your rules?” Jolie asked with an approving
smile.
“Not yet,” I said. “I will in Vegas. That’s the kind of town
where rules are meant to be broken.” I smiled at her as I
watched her pack.
“As long as it’s just rules and not your heart,” she said
happily. “So, Sin…next stop: Vegas?”
I nodded. “I’ll be his Vixen in Vegas.”
She threw an arm around my shoulders. “Sin City, here
we come.”
VIXEN IN VEGAS
The Sinful Series Book Two
By
emma nichols
COPYRIGHT
Copyright © 2015 by emma nichols
2nd Edition
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or
reproduced in any manner whatsoever including Internet
usage, without written permission of the author.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and
incidents are the products of the author's imagination or are
used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events,
locations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Image Copyright Igor Normann: gambling
Used under license from DollarPhotoClub.com
Cover and Formatting by:
Love Kissed Books | http://lovekissedbooks.com
10
I am not a gambler. I don’t make bets…not on sports, not in
casinos. I don’t take unnecessary chances. There will be no
bungee jumping, no skydiving, no parasailing. When it
comes to making decisions in my life, I weigh the odds,
consider my skill set, and decide from there. There are some
risks I’m willing to take, calculated risks, the ones that don’t
scare me at all. Working online, being self-employed,
moving whenever the mood strikes me…these have never felt
like risks. These decisions always felt like the natural
progression for me.
Real estate is a gamble that I’ve never lost. My choices
have served me well. At the tender age of twenty-eight, I
have five properties in five different states. Four of them are
rented. The fifth, I’m living in…for a few more days. As I
drive back to Raleigh from Charleston, I’m completely lost in
thought. Never before have I taken a chance when I have
stood to lose more than I could safely. So what the hell was I
doing…laying my heart on the line? Lost in thought, I was
zigzagging impatiently through traffic.
“You do realize that the week won’t go any faster just
because you drive faster, right?” Jolie asked, jolting me from
my thoughts.
“What?” I asked, without even considering what she had
said. “Slow down! If you kill us, you’ll never get to Vegas,”
she urged.
Glancing down at the speedometer, I realized I was
pushing ninety mph. Crap. With a loud sigh, I took my foot
off the accelerator and gave her an apologetic frown. “I’m
sorry, girl. I wasn’t paying attention.”
Reaching over to pat my arm, Jolie smiled
sympathetically. “I know,” she said. “I get it. There is a lot
to do over the next few days. Are we driving or flying to
Vegas?”
My face scrunched up in thought. I felt it and stopped
myself. No need to do more damage than time already was.
“Wow. I really haven’t thought this through. We’ve never
moved so quickly before. I mean, I have to call the realtor
and have them find a renter for the house. I have to call
PODS and get a few storage containers. Then there’s turning
off all the utilities, returning the cable box, putting a hold on
the mail.” I shook my head, it was spinning so hard.
Chuckling, Jolie calmly pulled out her iPhone. “Let’s
make a list,” she said simply.
I marveled at her, sounding so calm when I felt like my
head might just freaking pop off. “Look at me. I’m a wreck.
This isn’t me. What happened?” I raised my hand,
exasperated and utterly disgusted with myself.
“Love,” she said seriously. “My baby finally found love.”
With that declaration, she turned her attention to the new
note she was creating.
Something in me calmed down. I could do this. We could
do this. In a week, I’d be starting a new life in Vegas. If he
kept his word, Mr. BE would be there, with me, a part of this
new life. That…that was what had me all unhinged.
I don’t do love. Only now…with BE, maybe I did. All I
knew for certain was that one week wasn’t enough. We had
more stories to tell, more life to live, more experiences to
have. He made me feel things in a way I never had before. He
made me want things I had never wanted…like permanence.
Shoot, I might even consider breaking all my rules for him.
For this man, I would settle down because I sure as hell
didn’t feel like I was settling. He was everything I never
knew I always wanted. We knew practically nothing about
each other and yet…we made sense. Somehow, I didn’t care
about his past. All I thought about now was our future. I just
needed to survive this week. A lot of that was going to
depend on the list.
Slowly, I inhaled and exhaled a few times. I set the cruise
control on the SUV. Finally, when I felt more relaxed, I spoke
to Jolie once more. “So, how is that list coming along?”
Nodding, she looked up at me and smiled widely. “We’re
good. It’s all good. You know how this works. We’ve done
this so many times before. It doesn’t even matter that we are
on a time schedule. We’ve got this.”
Without saying another word, Jolie picked up my phone
and started to place a call. “Here,” she said, “tell the nice
lady about your house.”
Blowing out another breath, I reached for the phone and
began the conversation that would start it all. We were really
doing this. We had done this before, but this time…it was
more real. This move was the scariest move ever.
We stopped soon after that phone conversation. Something
about a week on the cruise ship had conditioned my body
into thinking it needed to be fed every few hours. Smiling to
myself, I realized that some of that had to do with the fact
that I had burned a heck of a lot of calories on that trip. This
was going to be a long week. At the end of it, we will have
spent as much time apart as we had together.
The chocolate shake from the McDonald’s drive thru was
just what I needed to tide me over for the rest of the drive.
That…and the chicken wrap. Somehow, because it was
chicken, I had managed to trick my body into believing it had
just eaten something healthy. Sucker. The shake was drink
and dessert all in one cup, with whip cream and a cherry on
top. I smiled lazily as I drove.
“When is the realtor coming to look at the place?” Jolie
asked. She didn’t have a house to rent. In Raleigh, she had
opted to rent an apartment. She didn’t expect for us to be
here as long as we were. Three years was a long time for us.
Before that, it had been a couple of years max in each of the
other states.
What she had failed to consider was that Raleigh was so
close to everything…the beaches, the mountains, other major
metro areas. We had spent countless afternoons walking
trails and taking pictures. Please note I said walking…I don’t
hike. If I can’t do it in my flip-flops, I don’t do it. My toes
hate being confined. As cute as they are with a pedicure, that
would just be wrong anyway.
Living in Raleigh had meant years of photo opps. There
were plenty of famous people passing through, plenty of
festivals to attend, and plenty of scenic areas to capture.
Raleigh was incredibly profitable. Now we were gearing up
for our new adventure.
“Well, the realtor is coming at ten am on Monday, so I
guess I have two days to work on packing and cleaning,” I
said with a sigh. “Jolie, how am I going to do this?”
“I only have an apartment to pack. I can help you. You can
hire a cleaning service. The movers will pack for you if you
can just decide to go that route instead of a storage
container. This is easy,” she chided.
“Not that…BE,” I murmured. “I don’t know how to do it.
Clearly I suck at relationships. Look at Kyle. Look at every
guy before him.”
“They don’t count. And whatever you did over the past
week obviously works, right?” Jolie said gently.
“Okay.” I took a few breaths. “I’m done.”
“What do you mean you’re done?” She looked more
alarmed than anything.
“No more freaking out. I’m not even going to think about
it. I’m just going to keep my head on the move. Next
Saturday I’ll see him and we’ll take it from there.” I nodded
my head. That was that.
It was early afternoon when I dropped Jolie back at her
apartment. She grabbed her bag, leaned in, and gave me a
quick peck on the cheek before she walked away. I pulled out
of the apartment complex and drove the short drive to my
house in what is really considered Cary, North Carolina. My
little Cape at the end of the cul-de-sac looked lonely and
neglected. The mailbox was full. The grass was long. Since I
had left after dark, all the blinds were closed.
Because of Mr. BE’s generosity, I needed to make more
than one trip into the house. I started to unpack all the
clothes. Instead, I decided to only take out the dirty clothes
for washing. It didn’t make any sense to do anything more
than that. That’s why I finally decided to just do it, just start
some laundry, just run the dishwasher, just clean the fridge,
do all those undesirable tasks that will make it possible for
me to pack my house.
Before I had even finished, I heard that chime, the one
that let me know I had a new text message. I hated that for a
moment, my heart thudded in my chest as I rushed to check
it. I knew…I knew he didn’t have my number, my name,
anything. I knew there was no way for him to contact me,
but I so wanted him to find a way. The screen lit up as I slid
my finger across. It was Jolie, forever faithful, always
looking out for me, sending the To Do list we had created in
the car.
That was almost as good. Let’s face it; my head was
everywhere. I needed her direction. I was too distracted to do
this on my own. Putting on my game face, I opened the list
to get to work.
By seven in the evening, I was too tired to cook. I should have
ruled that out while cleaning the fridge anyway. I called for
Chinese. It was a delivery kind of night.
By eight, I had folded all the laundry, packed all but a few
outfits for the suitcase, and finally settled in to eat the food
the delivery driver left. There was nothing on television. I
wasn’t going to miss that box once the movers arrived. I felt
completely strange in my own skin. I didn’t feel like me. I
was unsettled. I was irritable. I was completely losing it. This
was going to make for a long night.
Finally, I gave in and placed a call. It rang twice before
she answered. I knew what to expect.
“What’s up, babe?” Jolie asked lazily.
“I’m bored. Let’s meet for a drink.” I suggested.
“Where do you want to go?” she questioned, her interest
piqued.
“Someplace close and quiet. What about that Irish pub
down the road?” I asked seriously.
“Yup. Meet you there in twenty minutes,” Jolie happily
agreed.
After I ended the call, I puttered around the house,
struggling to find something to do to kill time. I toyed with
the idea of touching up my makeup, but really…I had no
interest in anyone but BE. I didn’t care about being
attractive…I had no interest in attracting anyone. Really, I
mostly wanted to be left alone. I shouldn’t even be meeting
Jolie. I just wanted a distraction so badly.
Sighing, I headed into the bathroom to get ready. Without
thinking, I threw my hair up into a messy bun. Studying my
face for a moment, I decided to go light and natural with the
makeup despite the darkened bar. I was sun kissed. It if
hadn’t been for the look in my eyes, I would’ve been really
happy with my appearance. I was the picture of health. And
the long flowing white sundress completed that image. With
a sigh, I slid my feet into a pair of sandals.
For a moment, I considered my jewelry, but I knew in my
heart I wasn’t going to change it. I had been wearing the
jewelry BE gave to me…the blue diamond ring and band, the
bracelet and necklace. There were so few tangible ways for
me to feel connected that I wasn’t about to take them off.
When I looked at my ring finger, it always made me smile.
Locking the door behind me, I headed to my vehicle
parked in the driveway. Sure, I had a garage, but I never
parked in it. It was just as well, since I would soon be filling
it with boxes in anticipation of the move. Sliding behind the
wheel, I started the SUV and headed to the pub we had
agreed to meet at. I was late. Jolie was used to that. There
was some comfort in knowing that she would have staked
out a table by the time I arrived.
Sure enough, after I parked and exited the vehicle, I found
her in one of the little booths just inside the doorway. She
lifted one hand absent mindedly as she waved in my
direction. She was on the phone, talking animatedly. When I
sat across from her, she rushed to get off the phone. “Yeah,
talk to you soon. Bye!” Turning her attention to me, she said,
“What up, bitch?”
“Not much,” I said. “I’m just…out of sorts.”
A server stopped by the table then. The guy was cute, I
guess. From his actions, I was certain he was used to women
falling all over him. Poor guy. He wasn’t going to be able to
flirt his way to a fat tip tonight. I was impervious to the
charms of other men, and Jolie…lesbian.
“What can I get for you, gorgeous?” he asked, flashing a
huge smile that perfectly exposed white straight teeth.
“Just a Coke for me,” I said. Then I turned my attention
once more to Jolie.
She rolled her eyes so hard, her entire head bobbed.
“Please. And we need some Irish Nachos…extra sour cream.”
She studied the appetizers a moment more before shrugging
and conceding. “And that should do it…but I reserve the
right to order a brownie sundae later.” She nodded and
smirked. My eyebrows rose.
“A brownie sundae? Since when?”
“Since you are in mourning,” she announced.
“I’m not in mourning! What do I have to be upset about?
We just returned from an amazing cruise. I had some of the
hottest sex of my life. And I’ll be seeing him again in a
week!” I crossed my arms over my chest. “We’re starting a
new adventure. Life is good.”
“Yes, life is good, but you don’t really believe that. This is
why you are so out of sorts. You are having doubts. I can see
it.” She frowned at me.
“How would you know?” I sniffed. “I never have doubts. I
am the picture of confidence.” I leaned back in the booth in
an attempt to project a picture of calm and cool.
She laughed at me then, a big hollow sound, the mocking
one. “I’ve known you forever. The last ten years it has been
the two of us and your flavor of the month. This guy, BE,
he’s not a flavor of the month. BE is the spice of life. You
know it, and I know it. I know how unsettling this is for you.
Just know that he won’t let you down. He’s not going to
stand you up. You can focus on doing what needs to be done
and soon, you will be together again.”
“We’ll see,” I said with a shrug, trying to brush it off like
it didn’t matter. Oh, but the girl in me wanted to beg Jolie for
more…more reassurance, more pretty words that would
soothe my tortured soul.
Thankfully, the server returned with my drink and our
food. Irish nachos are really just glorified potato skins. I
stared at them for a moment, heaped with sour cream,
topped with green onions, loaded with bacon, melted cheese
and a tub of salsa for dipping. Jolie dug right in. I loved that
about her, the way she was just so open and honest and real.
“Eat,” she ordered, a hand covering her full mouth. She
swallowed. “Damn these are good. Eat! It’s comfort food. I
ordered this with a purpose.” She pushed the plate toward
me.
With yet another sigh, I slowly reached out and
transferred a few potato skins to my plate. Opening my
napkin and releasing my silverware, I slowly cut up tiny bites
and began to eat. Chewing pained me. Food lacked taste. And
more than anything, I was pissed with myself for behaving
this way and not being able to snap out of it. Gah.
“Good girl,” Jolie said as she reached across the table and
patted my hand a few times. She was smirking at me.
“Depressed is a lousy look for you. Snap out of it. Pull
yourself together. You don’t want him to take one look at
that sad face and run the other direction, right?”
Slowly, a smile spread across my face. It was the thought
of seeing him again. Stupid heart. Stupid feelings. Stupid me
for letting a man I don’t know get under my skin. “Okay,” I
said. I took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly. “I’ve got this.
It’s a week. Less.”
“That’s my girl,” she said. The tension seemed to
dissipate after that. I felt better. I really did. We talked
business…all the cool new opportunities for us in Vegas. We
talked about the move. We managed to carefully avoid
talking about BE.
“Let’s just check into the Venetian while we house hunt.
Are you house hunting or are you getting an apartment
again?” I asked.
“I’d like to get a house here. What about you? You should
probably rent until you and BE figure things out,” she said
casually.
There it was. My stomach knotted. “I hate this. I don’t
like having my life up in the air. Right now…it is,” I groaned.
Studying me for a moment, she folded her hands in front
of her. Then turning her head, she motioned for our server.
He must have been nearby because he was beside the table in
a heartbeat.
“What can I get you?” he asked with that same smile.
“We’re going to need a brownie sundae. Two spoons.
Thanks,” she said.
He scampered off to get the sundae and I gave her a feeble
smile. “Wow. I must be in worse shape than I thought,” I
said.
When I returned home that night, I walked into the bedroom
and left a trail of clothes on the way to the tub. I had
splurged some when I updated this house. It had great bones.
I loved just about everything about the old place, but I
needed to bring it out of the fifties, make it more sellable. So,
I gutted the kitchen when there were too many rainy days
one spring. I couldn’t get out and take pictures as I had
hoped. I didn’t feel like getting wet.
I hated umbrellas. That’s why I stayed in…and tugged at a
loose piece of wallpaper. I just wanted to know what was
under it. Three layers later, I discovered that the sheetrock
hadn’t even been primed. The end result was that I tore
everything out down to the studs, ran a new water line for
the fridge, moved gas lines for the stove, installed new
plumbing for the dishwasher, and designed my dream
kitchen. I had always wanted a farmhouse sink, and now I
had one. I had always said I’d try Silestone instead of going
with the same boring granite every other home had. Oil
rubbed bronze was my finish of choice. Because I needed
everything to match…the project just grew from there, until I
had matching tile in the bathroom and a nice deep Jacuzzi
bath to go with my multi-head shower.
Finally the home felt like my own. I had increased the
value immensely while making it more livable. Like I said,
real estate was not a risk for me. It made sense. My choices
felt right. My decisions came naturally…until now.
That’s why I drew a bath. I soaked as long as I dared while
listening to music that poured in from the bedroom. At last, I
thought I might be relaxed enough to sleep. So, I did. I went
to bed. The exhaustion had taken a toll. I fell hard and fast,
just like I had for BE.
Soon, I found myself in this nightmare. I don’t know how
it started. I don’t remember all of it. What I do remember is
that BE never showed. I waited for him. I waited and refused
to leave. I was completely pathetic. The gondolas closed. The
hotel told me that I couldn’t sleep there that I had to have a
room. I did have a room, but I was afraid of missing him.
What if he showed up and I wasn’t there? There was no way
for him to find me. None. We had no phone numbers. We had
no emails. We couldn’t be in touch. This…loving him…was
the scariest thing I had ever done.
When I woke with a start, I felt it. My heart hurt. There
was this overwhelming sadness that had taken hold. It was
too much. My eyes were watering. Okay…fine. They were
tears. Happy? I was crying. What the hell was I crying over?
It was stupid. I was stupid. Never would I let a man make me
feel this way, all scared and weak.
Grabbing for my phone, I sent Jolie a quick text.
I’m done with this. I’ll go to Vegas when I feel like it. If I bump into
him, cool. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. Talk to you in the
morning.
Then I slammed my phone down on the nightstand. I threw my
legs over the side of the bed. It was four in the morning. It
was so ridiculously early…or late, depending upon the time
zone. My bathrobe was lying at the foot of the bed, right
where I left it after the bath. Slipping into it, I headed out to
the kitchen. I didn’t know what I wanted, really, but this
seemed like the kind of moment in the movies where the
sad, lonely pathetic chick would get all introspective over a
cup of tea. I could get into that.
The water was just starting to boil when my phone rang. I
rushed to the bedroom because…well, how often does a
phone ring jut after four in the morning? It could be an
emergency. It could be a prank call. Or, according to the
picture that glowed on my screen, it could be Jolie calling to
cheer me up. That warmed me instantly.
“Hey, girl,” I said, all out of breath from my sprint for the
phone. You may recall, I am not a jogger.
“Hey, sexy,” he breathed into the phone.
It took me a minute to process just whom I was speaking
to. Then the tears started. Actually, it was more of a waterfall
effect. Then came the snot. “Oh my God! It’s you! And you’re
on Jolie’s phone!” I started sniffling while I wiped away the
tears and tried my best to hold myself together.
“Yes, babe. It’s me. Jolie called me. It’s a three way. You
know. Again,” he joked. I giggled. “Are you crying?” he
asked concerned.
“No,” I lied. “Must be a cold.”
“Good, I don’t want you crying, especially when I can’t be
there to comfort you,” he spoke soothingly into the phone
and it reminded me of all those nights snuggled in his arms,
talking, and making love. “What’s going on? One day apart
and you’ve already decided not to meet me?” he asked.
My chest constricted. It hurt so much. My voice caught in
my throat. “I don’t know how to do this. I’ve never done this
before,” I whispered hoarsely.
“What? You’ve never made plans a week in advance?
You’ve never moved?” He asked questions he already knew
the answers to just to make me think.
“I’ve never been in love,” I admitted. “I’m scared of
losing me to be with you.” I was silent after that admission.
It took a lot for me to share that.
“Well, if it makes you feel any better…I don’t make a
habit of falling in love. I tried it once. It didn’t go the way I
expected. I’ve been a little gun shy ever since. For you, I’d
take a bullet. You are a once in a lifetime kind of love,” he
said quietly. “Promise me, you’ll meet me.”
This conversation was what I needed. Jolie had found the
perfect way to soothe my soul and settle my nerves. No
wonder she was my BFF. “Hmmm. I suppose I could promise
you,” I began playfully, “but what good are promises with
you? Here we are, talking on the phone…”
“I’ll have you know I thought this through. I’ve broken no
rules. You don’t have my name or my contact information.
Jolie does. So there.” He chuckled at his own cleverness.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “And you think this information
is safe with Jolie? You think I couldn’t get it from her if I
wanted?” I asked.
His deep sexy voice responded, “Yes, that is precisely
what I think. Jolie loves you. Jolie even seems to be rather
fond of me and she thinks we make a phenomenal couple. So
let’s stick to our rules for now. And when I see you on
Saturday, you’ll discover what a big, bad rule breaker I am.
Just wait for me until then. If one of us needs to, we have
Jolie to reach out for us.” He was silent for a moment. So was
I as I considered all he had said. “I love you, baby,” he said.
“Saturday, I’ll be waiting for you.”
“Saturday,” I murmured. “I’m going to rock your world.”
“Babe,” he said seriously, “you already have.”
11
T hat call was all it took. That one call was all I needed to
wipe away what could have been a long miserable week of
lingering doubts. After that, everything fell into place. The
realtor came on Monday to inspect the house.
“I think I could easily sell this house for two hundred and
twenty-five thousand dollars,” she said excitedly.
“Well, I was hoping you would be willing to rent it for the
time being. I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone and I don’t
want to have to go house hunting if I’m only going to return
in a couple of years,” I explained.
Her disappointment was evident, but it was my house and
my decision. In the end she agreed to manage the property in
my absence. Just as I had done four times before, I set up
electronic payments. And just like before, I would be making
a nice little monthly profit from this property. Shoot, I
technically earned enough from my current homes to pay for
an apartment or home of my choosing. That felt amazing.
The movers arrived on Wednesday. I had already sorted
out my clothes, delivered some items to Goodwill. That’s
what I love about moving. It’s an excuse to downsize, to give
back, and to clean out. I need that on a regular basis. Most
people do. Luckily, moving makes that happen.
Working with Craigslist, I had already managed to unload
some of the bigger items, like my spare microwave and all
the furniture in my guest bedroom. I sold my riding
lawnmower. What? You thought I pushed a mower around?
Ha! At the same time, I didn’t become financially secure by
spending frivolously. So, I bought a used riding lawnmower.
It paid for itself the first year. Do you have any idea how long
the mowing season is when living in Raleigh? Long.
Unimaginably long. Disgustingly long. Sweaty, sticky,
miserably long. In the north, we had three months of bad
skiing. In the south, we have three months of no mowing.
By the end of Wednesday, my house was empty. I had the
maid service come and give it the massive once over. A onetime cleaning job is not a frivolous expense. It is a smart
investment if my time could be better spent elsewhere. I
needed to be on the road.
While the maids went to work in the house, I stepped out
and sat on the front steps. Within minutes, I had Jolie on the
phone. She sounded happy and exhausted.
“What’s up?” she asked with a sigh.
“How’s your move going?” I asked.
“Well, the apartment Nazis will be here in an hour to
inspect the place and decide if I get my deposit back. This
place is immaculate. If I don’t there will be hell to pay. How
about you?” She sounded much more relaxed than she did
initially.
“It’s all good on my end. I am ready to leave as soon as
the cleaners head out. You want to start out tonight? I think
it’s stupid to pay for a hotel here,” I said, trying to sound as
casual as possible.
“Sure, why not?” Jolie said. “You’re driving, right? I sent
my car off with the movers. We always use your SUV for road
trips…” Her voice trailed off.
“Of course!” I exclaimed happily. “See you in a couple of
hours.”
Thankfully, we were on the same page. We had broken the
trip up into three legs. We decided that it made no sense to
try to drive straight through. We’d be miserable and
exhausted. That was no way to feel when I finally saw BE
again. Just thinking about that meeting made me smile. Ugh.
That man! What had he done to me?
The first leg of the trip was Raleigh to Little Rock.
According to the online trip planner, we could expect to be
on the road for around thirteen hours. Since we were two
single chicks, we opted to stay in bigger cities along the
route. I’ve watched a lot of Criminal Minds and I can tell you
right now that I felt safer in a big city with a hotel…not a
motel. The next part of the move would have us spending
twelve hours cooped up in the vehicle as we drove to
Albuquerque. Sure, there were other places that we could
have stopped, but dammit…I want to blame my tardiness just
once on a wrong turn in Albuquerque. Finally, we would
leave the next morning and make it to Vegas in eight hours.
Since we had agreed upon meeting at seven in the evening, I
had high hopes that Jolie and I could check in, get a nice dip
in the pool, maybe split an appetizer, and then I’d get
changed before I met him at the gondolas.
Having that plan made me happy. Having Jolie say we
could leave tonight? That made me happier. We’d make the
most of these three days together. Then, we’d do what we
always do…make our own lives where we landed. It was
perfect.
Two hours later, as predicted, I paid the maids, loaded the last
of my bags, stuck the realtor lock box on the door with my
spare key in it and headed to Jolie’s apartment. I pulled up
and saw her watching for me on the balcony.
“Be right down!” she shouted as she stood up and rushed
back into her apartment. It was close to seven in the evening.
There would be no need to break any land speed records. We
wouldn’t be able to check into a hotel in Little Rock until
three in the afternoon. We could stop for gas at our leisure,
drive the speed limit, eat inside the restaurant…shoot, we
might even have time for sightseeing. Road trips are the best
kind of adventure.
“Where do you want to go for dinner?” she asked as she
hopped into the car.
A smile broke across my face. I knew she’d ask. I had
given this much thought. We had time on our hands and I
wanted one truly decadent meal together, one memorable
night before we headed out of town for good.
“Ruth’s Chris,” I announced.
“One of our favorites. Let’s go,” she agreed happily.
We chattered about everything and nothing on the short
drive to restaurant. We knew we could be there for a couple
of hours. It was perfect. There was something about the
ambiance of the place, the dark woods, the low lighting, the
high comfort, the minimal stuffiness of most higher end
steakhouses. It felt homey.
I pulled up and let the valet park for us because…I could.
We walked in wearing sundresses and sandals…not exactly
the nicest clothes, but definitely not the worst. I will never
understand people who go to nice restaurants in jeans and
sneakers. There’s something really disrespectful about that.
We decided on a high top in the bar, since the bartender
was one we were familiar with and it would give us a chance
to relax and talk. He walked over and smiled the minute we
were seated.
“Hello, ladies! It’s been too long! What can I get you?” he
asked happily.
“It’s going to be even longer. We’re headed out of town.
Moving,” Jolie announced.
He stood still, surprised. “Wow. I didn’t see that coming.”
“That’s how we roll,” I joked.
“Can I offer you some wine, or a cocktail?” he asked.
I shook my head. “Sorry. Driving through the night. No
drinking. Can I get a Coke, please?”
“Of course,” he responded. “And for you?” he asked as he
looked at Jolie.
“Let’s start with a sweet tea now and lots of coffee after
we eat,” she said lightly.
Moves agreed with us, especially once the stress was over.
We barely had time to settle in before our drinks arrived and
he took our dinner order.
“I just want lobster bisque, the large chopped salad, and
the Ahi tuna appetizer,” I said as I closed the menu and
passed it to him.
Shaking her head, Jolie looked at me in disappointment.
“I want a cowboy ribeye Oscar…medium rare,” she said
seriously. “And loads of bread and butter. Loads.” She passed
him her menu and turned back to face me.
“Can I have your asparagus?” I asked.
Smirking, she said, “Maybe I want it.”
“You never want it. You hate asparagus.” I reminded her.
“You hate smelly pee, you hate eating vegetables that look
like limbless trees, and you said they taste like the dookie.”
Laughing, she nodded. “You got me. I just wanted the
crab cake. You can have my asparagus.”
It looked like she was going to say more, but instead, her
mouth slammed shut. Her face took on a hard look. She
suddenly had a white-knuckle grip on her glass.
“Ummm,” I began slowly, “you can keep the asparagus if
it means that much to you.”
She shook her head. “It’s not the asparagus. It’s Kyle.”
I closed my eyes and sighed. I forgot how much he loved
coming here after work. I waited to feel something…maybe
regret, or hurt. I should have felt hurt, right? I mean…a week
and a half ago I found him working overtime on his
secretary. Only, no feelings ever came. It didn’t bother me in
the least. It was peculiar. Just to be sure, I turned toward
him. I could tell he was seated at the bar based on the
direction that Jolie was mean mugging it.
Maybe if I saw him sitting there with her, I’d feel
something. So, I turned. He appeared to be alone. He
appeared to be miserable. I didn’t feel anything when I saw
that either. Hmm.
Sliding off the high backed stool, I walked over to him at
the bar. When I reached his side, he turned to look at me. He
didn’t know how to react. I saw it in his eyes. He wasn’t sure
whether to be happy or duck and run for cover.
“Alysin, it’s good to see you,” he began tentatively.
I laughed. “I wish I could say the same.” He flinched.
“Don’t worry! I’m not happy to see you, but I’m not upset,
either. Let’s say I’m pleasantly ambivalent?”
He looked at me in a way that suggested he was marveling
over and analyzing my reaction. “You look great. Just getting
back from vacation?”
“You could say that.” I shrugged.
He sat up straight in his stool and looked at me. “Listen,
I’m sorry. I never meant—”
Without thinking, I had put a finger to his lips to silence
him. “I’m ambivalent, remember? I don’t care. You hurt my
pride at most. I’m fine.” I smiled. “No, I’m better than fine.
Jolie and I are leaving town…for good. Tonight. We’ll never
see each other again. I wish you the best.” I took my finger
away. “Sorry. You had the best. I wish you happiness. How’s
that?”
He smiled at me. It was a sad smile filled with regret.
“Okay. I’ll work on that.”
The bartender motioned to me. “Oh, looks like my food is
out,” I said. “Goodbye, Kyle.” And without waiting for a
response, I all but skipped back to my seat.
“How’d it go?” Jolie asked as the bartender placed our
meals on the table.
Shrugging, I replied, “Fine. I felt nothing. It was great.
And I know I’m ready to move on.”
Her brow furrowed. “Did you have any doubts?”
My head dropped to the side as I considered her question.
“Hmm. No. I didn’t. I guess I thought maybe I should have? I
mean, we dated for two years. I should be upset, right? I
should have mourned, but I never really needed that. I didn’t
even need to say goodbye. Call it…an experiment.” I smiled.
Then I turned my attention to my meal. It tasted
amazing…all of it. Once we were finished, we even ordered
dessert. I had sweet cream and berries. By the time we left,
Kyle had already disappeared. His absence didn’t faze me in
the least, just as his presence had never pleased me. I was
ready for bigger and better things. I was ready for BE.
By the time we reached the hotel Thursday afternoon, it was
time for check in. Somehow we had managed to time our
stops perfectly. We paused around one in the morning to
change into more comfortable clothing. For me, it was a tank
top, jersey knit shorts, and flip-flops. We even brushed our
teeth in the gas station. It was funny in that I can’t believe
I’m getting ready for bed when I’m really only riding in a car
all night kind of way. Then, after we switched off and Jolie
woke me up at seven in the morning, we stopped at an IHOP.
I love the stuffed French toast. It’s nothing like French toast.
It’s like dessert for breakfast. Life should involve much more
decadence than it does. I take mine where I can get it. Food.
Luckily, I don’t look like it. As long as I stick to my no baby
policy, I should have no trouble staying that way.
Then we drove a while longer, stopping once to pee and
stretch, then again for lunch. Lunch was far less decadent,
but that’s good too. Having a nice Caesar Salad and sour
cream baked potato at Wendy’s was nice. Having that
Chocolate Frosty in a waffle cone…even nicer!
Finally, at three in the afternoon, we arrived at the Best
Western Premier in Little Rock. We had looked at pictures
online and it appealed to us. It wasn’t just the free buffet
breakfast. Did I mention I love free buffets? It was the rooms
and the pool area. They had pictures of comfy seating around
an outdoor fire pit. I love that. Strike that. I love the idea of
that.
I haven’t really done that. We weren’t big on camping
when I was growing up. This was my chance to try
something new.
So, we checked in, we changed into our suits. Jolie loves
her tankini. Me, I am now rocking a monokini. Yeah, I caved.
I kept seeing them everywhere. Finally, I bought one. In the
back of my mind…I thought BE might find it to be sexy.
There was one way to find out.
“Hey, Jolie?” I asked as I swam around the shallow end of
the pool.
“Mmhmmm,” she murmured as she rested in the cushy
lounger.
“Do you have your phone with you?” I started toward her.
Sitting up quickly, she grabbed her phone and held it to
her chest. “Back off my phone, bitch. I made a promise. This
is no emergency.” She scowled at me.
“I just thought that maybe you could take a picture of me
and send it to him. I miss him. We haven’t spoken but that
one time. I’m dying,” I moaned. For dramatic effect, I
crawled up the cement steps and kept crawling until I was
beside her. Looking up at her, I batted my eyelashes.
“Please,” I begged.
Sighing, she studied me. “He misses you. He does. He’s
trying to be strong, but he has texted me several times,
checking in. Does that help?”
Hell yeah, it helped. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so badly, I
didn’t feel so weak. I wasn’t suffering alone. He was just
suffering under my radar. “What did he say?” I asked as I
slowly sat up and slid onto the nearest lounger. I was trying
to play it cool, but that was ridiculously difficult.
“He misses you too,” she began slowly, carefully. “He
called me on Sunday to make sure you were doing better.
Then he texted on Tuesday to make sure you were still
planning on meeting him. He even texted this morning to
make sure we drove carefully.” She smiled at me. “He loves
you. He worries over you. He can’t wait to see you, either.
Better?”
Striking a sexy pose on the lounger, I gazed at her
playfully. “Want to give him a picture of what he’s missing…
just to tide him over…torture him a little?” I winked at her.
Throwing her head back, Jolie let out a huge laugh. “Let’s
do it.” She stood up and walked over to stand at the end of
the lounger.
I posed on my back, with my face upturned toward the
sun. Then I lay on my side and pretended to read a magazine.
Finally, I lay on my stomach. All the while, Jolie took
pictures. This made me happy. When we were done, she sent
them. I wondered over his reaction. A few moments later, her
phone chimed and she gave me a thumbs-up. That was
enough.
Getting moved in such a rush had taken a toll. Driving
across the country was a challenge. There was a light at the
end of the long endless tunnel. BE was waiting for me. He
was taking care of me from afar. He was looking out for me.
We had a light dinner, followed by a heavy conversation over
wine at the fire beside the pool. It was lovely. And scary.
I guess I hadn’t really thought past getting to Vegas. As
big a planner as I was, I never considered what would
happen past the reunion. All I thought about was seeing him
again. Sitting by the fire while sipping a nice Moscato with
Jolie changed all that.
“So, think BE is your happily ever after?” she asked
seriously.
I had just been gazing down at the rings on my fingers
and jumped at her words. “Nah. It will be fun while it lasts,
though,” I said in an attempt to brush it off.
She chewed on her cheek while she watched me. “Right,”
she said in disbelief. “BE’s nothing special. You haven’t been
wearing his jewelry since the day he put it on you. That
ring…means nothing, huh?”
I shook my head. “Nope. Nothing. It’s really pretty. Is that
what you mean?” I tried to make my face look as blank as
possible.
“Well, it’s nice that you have so few ties, so little care,
absolutely no concern for the future. Wish I could do that,”
she said seriously. “I guess I need to tell you in advance.”
She sighed heavily before continuing. “This is the last stop
for me.”
Leaning in, I asked seriously, “What do you mean?”
“We’ve been at this for ten years. I don’t want to keep
moving around anymore. I don’t mind that my life revolves
around you, but I need to get to a point where I make my
own life, live it on my terms.” She tossed back the rest of the
contents of her glass while I mulled over what she had said.
“Are you unhappy? Have I taken advantage of you?”
Suddenly, I felt incredibly guilty about our relationship.
“I’m not miserable, but I am ready to settle down. I am
ready to stay in one place. I’m tired of putting my heart into
a place and then leaving a piece behind. We’re pushing
thirty. I’m ready to grow up,” she explained. “And I think if
you would slow down and think, you’d be ready to settle
down, too, especially with someone as perfect for you as BE.
Hell, if you mess up with him, I may give him a chance.” She
raised her eyebrows at me in challenge.
My eyes narrowed. My heart pounded at the thought of
him sharing his life with anyone but me. “Hey! You’re a
lesbian! You did that on purpose!” I accused.
“Maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t. Maybe you better never test
that theory. Why don’t you take a risk for once?” She looked
at me seriously. Leaning toward me, she picked up the bottle
and filled my glass with the rest of the sparkling wine.
“Think about it. I’ll see you in the room.” With that, she
stood and left.
Stunned. That was pretty much my reaction. I hadn’t seen
this coming. Sure, I knew that she hadn’t bought a house last
move and that she had been trying to feel me out as she
considered this move. Somewhere along the way, I was so
comfortable with my life, I never considered that I was
pretty much treating her like wallpaper. I never considered
that she might want her own life instead of being a fixture or
décor in mine.
Was I really that selfish? Had I not ever considered her
feelings or her needs? Obviously not. Here we were, ten years
after high school and all that had changed was the
geography. She was still tagging along, letting me call all the
shots. Me, I was still running things.
No wonder she wanted me out of the picture, happily
paired off so she could start making her own decisions. She
had always been lovely and super supportive. It was my turn
to give back to her, to find out about her dreams.
The pool area closed at ten in the evening. That’s when I
finally broke down and headed back to the room. Jolie was
already asleep in her bed. As quietly as possible, I undressed
and pulled back the covers. I lay in my bed, rolled toward
her, watching her sleep in the next bed over. Poor Jolie. She
was so incredible, had so much spirit, and all these years I
had been breaking it.
“I’ll try,” I whispered to her. “I’ll try not to mess it up.
I’ll let you have a life. You’ve always been the best part of
mine.”
With that no longer weighing on my heart, I was able to
calm down, close my eyes and rest.
We managed to get ready fairly quickly in the morning. We
checked out of the room, loaded the car and then came back
into the hotel for that free buffet. Breakfast was quiet, but
not entirely strained. When it was over, we hit the road,
headed to Albuquerque.
A good hour into the drive and Jolie turned to look at me.
“I wasn’t asleep,” she said.
“What?” I asked, lost in thought.
“Last night, when you came back to the room…I wasn’t
asleep,” she admitted with a smirk. “I didn’t feel like talking
anymore, so I pretended to be asleep.”
“Okay,” I said slowly, still confused.
Leaning over the console that separated us, she whispered
into my ear, “I heard you, Sin. I heard your whispers.” She
sat back and watched for a reaction. I could feel a blush creep
into my cheeks. “I’m holding you to it,” she said. Then she
gave my arm a hug and planted a kiss on my neck before she
moved back into her seat with a huge smile on her face.
We were good. That was all I needed to hear. That drive
went much faster after that.
We were two thirds of the way through our road trip when we
arrived at the Hotel Albuquerque at Old Town around eightthirty at night. Sure, we wanted to be there earlier, but when
we left Little Rock at seven in the morning and stopped to
eat lunch and pee, the twelve hour drive really took every
minute of it and more.
It’s no wonder we just wanted to relax. We had
experienced this before. Jolie looked at me. I looked back.
Then we said in unison, “Pizza.”
She found the number for the local pizza delivery. I pulled
out our bathing suits and towels. We changed and headed
down to the pool. That was just what we needed. Water…the
pool and the hot tub…refreshing. The pizza arrived. As much
as last night was serious, this night was playful. We knew
where we stood. We said what we needed to say. Jolie had
given me the wakeup call I needed. Now she was working on
distracting me every way she knew how.
Swim, pizza, and bed. It seemed like a great plan. I knew…
I just knew that if I could survive one more night, I would
have BE tomorrow.
“What are you thinking right now?” she asked as I floated
around the lit pool in the dark.
“Tomorrow. I am living for tomorrow. I hope I can sleep
tonight,” I admitted.
Laughing, Jolie remarked, “You know what helps me
sleep?”
“What?” I asked, imaging something about a bedtime
story or cookies and milk.
She smirked. “Sex.” A knowing look crossed her face.
“Sex helps me relax and unwind. It’s better than any
sleeping pill I know.”
Shaking my head, I said vehemently, “Sorry, girl. I am
determined to be true to this man. He is totally worth it.”
Now she was completely beaming. “I hoped you’d say
that. BE sent you a present.” I perked up immediately.
“It’s on the bed. I’ll be back in the room in an hour. That
should give you enough time.” She winked at me.
For a moment I stood frozen in the pool, just staring at
her. My heart thudded in my chest. “What do you mean he
sent me a present?” I asked tentatively.
“Well, he asked for my address, I gave it to him, and he
sent me something for you in case of emergencies.” She
chuckled. “I already know what it is. I figured tonight might
call for it. Go on. Have fun.”
Glancing at her, I slowly made my way out of the pool. I
paused and wrapped my towel around my waist. I looked at
her a moment longer. She motioned for me to leave with her
hands. Filled with wonder, I headed back toward the room.
This man…thought of everything. He was serious. I couldn’t
believe that I ever had any doubts. He was so in this.
I stopped in front of the elevator, rode it up to our floor,
and finally walked to our room. Standing in front of the door,
I fumbled with my key card for a moment. The excitement
was great. When I finally walked in and saw the wrapped
package on the bed, the excitement was greater.
Sitting on the bed, I pulled the rectangular cube onto my
lap. Slowly, I pulled off the wrapping paper, groaned in
frustration when I was met with tape on the box, and finally,
managed to get one end open. Reaching in, I was shocked to
have my fingers wrap around a dildo. I laughed. Then I saw
the note attached.
Babe,
In case you are missing me already, here’s a replica.
Yes, I cloned my dick for you. You already have my heart. Now
you can have another piece of me forever.
Love you always.
It took a moment for me to decide whether to laugh or cry.
There was something so special about having this tangible
piece of him. Jolie was right. Sex was better than any pill,
capsule, or potion when it came to inspiring sleep.
Smiling, I quickly removed my bathing suit and slung it
over the side of the tub to dry. Then I rushed back to the bed,
naked and slipped under the covers with the dildo in my
hand. Hell, I hadn’t been able to put it down since I opened
it. I pulled my legs up and let my knees drop open all the
way. Running my hand up and down my pussy, I rubbed until
I started to feel that familiar warmth, and the wetness soon
followed.
Slowly, I slid the dildo into my eager pussy. It was the
same familiar fullness that came from the real BE, but
instead of feeling his hot hard cock, it was cool silicon. For
tonight…this would have to be enough.
Gradually, I found a rhythm that felt right, normal. With
one hand I pulled and pushed the dildo into my wet pussy,
and with the other, I rubbed around my clit. It didn’t take
long before I came. It was good, but not quite as satisfying as
the real thing. I needed to go again, even as I was still riding
out the current orgasm. This time my free hand was
everywhere, tugging on my nipples, rubbing my clit, and
massaging my breasts. It took a little longer than last time.
In fact, I was still panting from it when Jolie returned.
Looking at my face, she smiled. “Sweet dreams, sexy. We
need to get up bright and early if you want to have time to
hang out and get pretty before meeting your man.”
There were no words. Curling up in my bed alone, I closed
my eyes and let sleep come. Soon. We were so close to our
destination, so close to our future. Sighing happily, I drifted
off one last time without BE wrapped around me.
12
O n every trip I have ever taken, I have discovered the same
truths. First, I enjoy the trip, but when it’s over, I’m ready.
Also, when I’m ready for it to be over, every minute is an
interminable amount of time, every mile feels like a
hundred. The last leg of our move to Las Vegas was no
different.
Jolie had made a wise suggestion over breakfast. “Why
don’t you drive until lunch, and then I’ll take over? You can
rest some and be all ready for your big reunion.”
I looked at her sideways. “You know,” I began slowly, “if
this whole computer thing doesn’t work for you, you should
go into sales.”
She chuckled. “I’m just saying,” she started to explain.
“Oh, I know what you are saying. You are worried that I’ll
be so anxious to get there that I might get a bit reckless at
the end. Would that be an accurate assessment?” I asked
seriously.
Shrugging, she admitted, “We’ve been doing this for a
while. When you are tired of driving, you have a history of
getting a little…careless.”
Sighing, I nodded. “This has been our longest move yet.
We should have picked
Georgia,” I joked.
“Well, we picked Vegas. We’re nearly there. Let me get us
there in one piece,” she urged.
“Fine,” I acquiesced. “You can drive after lunch.”
With that, we headed out to the SUV. Unlocking the door
for us with the key fob, I glanced over at her mischievously.
“I guess I’ll just have to make up some time now.”
Throwing an arm around my shoulder, she smiled at me.
“Relax. You’ll see BE soon enough.”
Just after three in the afternoon, we rolled into Vegas and
drove straight to The Venetian. It wasn’t what I had
expected. Hell, I don’t know what I expected. I just kept
thinking that I was one step closer to BE. We opted for valet
service at the door. While I was handling that, Jolie headed
straight for the front desk. She had made all the
reservations, citing that I had so much more to do, given
that I was a homeowner. In retrospect, she and BE were
probably in cahoots about this, but at the time, I was really
grateful to have one less item on my plate.
Key cards were handed off to us and we headed to the
elevator with the bellhop not far behind. When we reached
our door, she opened it and left it wide for my approval and I
nearly choked on my own spit, I gasped so hard. I had clearly
not been paying attention during the elevator ride. Knowing
that The Venetian was an all-suite hotel, I didn’t even
consider that this was the Penthouse until I realized…this
was the Penthouse!
I started to object. I certainly had not agreed to whatever
the cost of the suite was. I turned to face her, to question our
location. Instead, I realized that she was busy tipping. Once
the door closed, I started to object. “I can’t afford this!” I
argued.
“You don’t even know how much it cost,” she said
playfully.
“Well, unless it was free, I want another suite,” I
complained. “I’m trying to live this amazing debt-free life.
After all my mother went through, I’ll never make that
mistake, living beyond my means, struggling paycheck to
paycheck. I’m trying to get ahead. And I’ve done really well. I
don’t want to blow it in Vegas!” I was frustrated.
“Look at this place! Look at the view!” She smiled as she
walked toward the bank of windows, through the sunken
living room. Her hand passed over the keys of the piano,
enough to make them move slightly under the weight of her
touch, but not enough to emit any sound.
She knew me so well. I wanted to play. I was drawn to that
piano. The most civilized thing my mother had ever done
was teaching me how to play the piano. It was one of those
skills that had served me well through the years. When
others turned to alcohol or drugs, I turned to music. I knew
where there were pianos in every city we had ever lived, free
pianos…pianos I wouldn’t need to tune or move or dust.
Here we were, in an incredible suite in Vegas, and there
was a piano just for me. For a moment, I stood frozen to the
spot. Then I saw it. There was a tray on the coffee table with
a bottle of sparkling wine chilling. It was a vineyard I was
unfamiliar with—Everly Winery.
Jolie had wandered over to me, eyes shining with
happiness and mischief. Honestly, I was starting to hate
feeling so out of the loop, so left out. BE and I were supposed
to be the ones with the secrets together, not BE and Jolie!
She reached over and took the bottle from my hands. “I’ll
open this. You just work on reading the card. We need to
hurry down to the pool if we want to grab some take out
from Riva. They close at four pm.”
“Okay,” I began. “I’ll open the card, you open the wine,
and we’ll order the food before we change.”
We really did have this traveling down to a science. I
didn’t bother sitting down yet. I knew that I would be sitting
plenty when I was relaxing poolside. Pulling back the flap on
the envelope, I then eased out the card.
See you soon. Rest. Relax. Just BE.
“Did you tell him my nickname?” I asked Jolie with a giggle.
She smiled. “I may have mentioned it.”
I held the card to my chest for a moment, then headed to
grab the suitcase and bring it to a room. Jolie stopped me
before I had made it two steps.
“There’s no time for that. We’ll move the luggage later. I
thought you had on a bathing suit under that outfit,” she
said.
“Well, I do, but I thought—”
“Whatever you thought, think again. We’re calling in food
and heading out the door.” She took off her shorts and tank,
grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her waist.
“That’s what you’re wearing?” I asked. “We’re in Vegas.”
“Who do I have to impress? You look great. I’m dialing.
Let’s go.” She picked up the hotel phone and called in a food
order without even consulting me.
Normally, I would have been annoyed, but at the moment,
I was marveling over all the incredible gestures. In return, I
had done nothing. Soon enough that would change. I was
certain I knew at least one way to say thank you. Glancing
over at Jolie talking on the phone, I thought to myself…I
might even know two!
With a smile on my face, I brought the wine glass to my
lips. I had never been formally trained to appreciate wine. I
wasn’t sure I had the palate to recognize the flavors in it…
oaky, buttery, honey, peachy, peppery…they were all the
same to me. Sure, I knew what I liked. I felt that way about
every aspect of my life. I liked my wine sweet, like me.
Sipping slowly, I savored the sweetness as the liquid
coated my tongue. It was good. It was perfect. Everything
was perfect. Just because he suggested it, I would relax the
next few hours. I would just be.
With all the other little surprises along the way, it should
have been no shock that we had another waiting for us at the
pool. We had just left the pickup window at Riva’s and
arrived poolside only to be taken to a fully stocked cabana by
our very own cabana boy.
“Here you are, ladies,” he said as soon as he deposited us
there. “Let me know if you need anything.”
He had laid our food out on the table neatly for us, pulled
out some drinks and left us before we could do much more
than smile and nod. There was a beautiful fruit platter to go
along with the salad and pizza we had ordered.
Looking at Jolie from across the table, I said, “Damn, a
girl could get used to this.”
Nodding, she agreed. “BE knows how to say ‘I love you’
about a million ways from Sunday. I hope you are listening.”
Then, before I could comment or counter her claim, she
stood, yanked off her towel, and headed straight for the pool.
I watched her go, wishing I had half her grace and at the
moment, all of her confidence. Jolie was my hero, always had
been. She had this apology free life. She never seemed to
suffer through the drama I did, or if she did, she was silent
and managed alone. We never had to up and move because of
her choices. I swallowed hard. Now there would be no more
up and moving. She had made that clear.
Looking around, I tried not to wonder how long this could
last. I tried not to consider that this might one day end.
Instead, I focused on the good stuff. We were staying in this
incredible room. That’s right…the room.
“Hey,” I called to her as she swam closer. “The room?”
Smirking, she responded, “BE, just BE.”
There was a message in there. I was sure of it. For once, I
wasn’t going to question. I would try, do my best to just be.
It didn’t take long for me to discover that I wasn’t very good
at just being. Soon, I was checking the time on my phone
over and over again. Time was dragging by. I would have
thought that last half hour at the pool would have flown by,
but once again I found myself utterly aware of every second.
It scared the hell out of me. What if I was building this up to
be something so much more than it was? What if this was
going to be just another week of fun in a fabulous location?
What if he didn’t want me like I wanted him? What had
happened to me? I closed my eyes and tried to quiet the
doubts, tried to drown out the fears with positivity, tried to
tell myself that no matter what, I’d be fine. Only…I didn’t
want to be fine. I wanted to be happy…blissful, glowing
happy. I was ready to be in love…with him.
Finally I stood. “I’m going to the room to get ready,” I
announced to Jolie as she lay on the cushioned lounger.
“Sure,” she said. “I’ll come with you.” Gathering up her
towel and phone, Jolie was soon by my side, as always, ready
to support me as needed.
Looking at her sideways, I was forced once more to
consider how much she knew. “Is everything okay?” I asked
as casually as I could manage.
“Yeah. Of course. Just figured I’d get cleaned up from the
pool. It’s after six pm. I may take a nap…” Her voice trailed
off.
When we entered the room, I realized that our luggage
had disappeared. “Huh,” I said. “Wonder where the luggage
disappeared to.”
“This is the Penthouse, baby. I’m sure that the maid just
moved us in,” she said with a smile. “We should check out
the rest of the suite.” Looping her arm though mine, she
walked me to one room off the main living area. “This is my
room.”
I glanced about. It was really nice…high end everything.
So much nicer than your average hotel. Walking through it, I
realized that she had her own private bath. The confusion
must have been showing on my face.
“Your room must be on the other side,” she said with a
knowing smile.
The excitement was mounting as we walked back out to
the main living area. I went to the door we hadn’t opened
yet. Slowly, I turned the handle, pushed it and found this
incredibly luxurious room with a king sized bed. It was
amazing. I flopped on the bed and giggled. It was soooo
perfect.
“This room is incredible. Did you know?” I asked her with
narrowed eyes.
Shrugging, she said, “Yeah. He didn’t want me to be
alone. He felt badly about hogging you during the cruise, so
he reserved the Penthouse for us because it has two
bedrooms. I swear, you lucky bitch, that I will kick your ass if
you mess this up! I would reconsider my stance on sausage
for someone like him.”
With that, she turned on her heels and walked out of the
room. I was left to lie on the bed and ponder all she had said.
She was right, of course. He was incredible. How I had
happened upon a man like BE was a sign or fate or sheer
dumb luck. Regardless, I knew I was lucky. There was a
knock and the sound of the door opening. I shot off the bed,
wondering who could be here. For all I knew, it was room
service and BE had sent more wine or a snack. Instead, Jolie
and I were greeted by the bellhop. He had more luggage.
“Oh, there must be some mistake,” I said. “We have all
our luggage already.”
Laughing, Jolie pushed me aside. “That goes in the
master,” she said confidently. Then she shook her head at
me as he passed.
“Wait!” I shrieked. “Is that…oh my God! He’s here!”
Rushing from the room, I stepped out into the hall. The
door closed behind me. Crap. I could knock and have Jolie let
me in since I had no phone, no key card, no purse. It was
pretty much just me. Ah, but if I rushed downstairs to the
gondolas, it could be just me and BE!
So, I hit the button on the elevator. I was close to thirty
minutes early. It didn’t matter. We were spontaneous. He
would be thrilled to see me early. He would probably even
forgive me for only wearing a sundress and lip gloss. He had
seen me wear less…makeup and clothes.
I exited the elevator in the lobby and made my way to the
gondolas. There were tons of people around, everywhere.
They were shopping and eating. They were sightseeing and
buying tickets. There were crowds just getting in my way. I
had to keep excusing myself. I had to keep pressing forward
and darting around.
Finally, I was at the gondolas. I looked about, imagining
that he would be here…right here…right now. His luggage
was upstairs, after all. So, I glanced about. I could pick him
out of any crowd. I was dying to make contact with those
gorgeous blue eyes once more.
I watched. I waited. Minutes went by. Lots of them. Still…
no BE. I sat on a bench. I watched some more. I swear I
thought I was going to get whiplash, my head was turning
about so frequently and with such fervor. After time, I
stopped watching. I stopped jumping every time I heard the
sound of approaching footsteps.
One thought occurred to me. What if he was waiting for
me up in the room? What if we missed each other? A flicker
of hope helped me from the bench and had me rushing to
guest services. I needed a phone.
The gentleman behind the desk was really nice. He
pointed me toward the bank of courtesy phones without
making me explain that I was an idiot who managed to lock
herself out of her room without a key or phone. Maybe in
Vegas it happens all the time. I turned so I was facing away
from the entrance and toward the elevators so I wouldn’t
miss him again. The phone had just started ringing when
there was a kiss on my neck.
“Hey,” I said, whipping around and wondering what
strange man would have the audacity to start kissing some
woman he didn’t even know. The phone was still in my hand
when I realized it was BE.
“Who are you calling?” he asked, a playful look in his
beautiful blue bedroom eyes.
“Jolie,” I said breathlessly. “I was looking for you.”
He took the phone from my hand and hung it up. “Well,
that seems superfluous now,” he teased as he took a step
back. I didn’t mind. It gave me the room I needed.
Rushing into his arms, I nearly toppled him over. He
laughed as he squeezed me tighter, closer than ever before
with his one free arm. “You’re here,” I breathed into his
chest.
“There’s nowhere more important for me to be,” he said
as he gently tugged my head back by my hair. “I would go
anywhere, everywhere, just to be with you,” he said intently.
“What’s that?” I asked, just noticing the potted flower in
his hand.
“This?” he asked with a smile. “This is an orchid. I
couldn’t come meet you empty- handed. Everything I looked
at just felt too common. Then I saw this. It’s rare, beautiful,
exotic, and if you treat it right…it will flourish.” He set it on
the counter beside the phone.
His words melted my insides. Soon he had one arm
wrapped around my waist, hugging my pelvis to his. His
hand knotted in my hair and forced me to look up into his
amazing blue eyes. He stared at me intently, focused on my
lips. Inside, I was quivering. I knew that look. He was
measuring the distance. His tongue darted out of his mouth
for a moment, then he began to bite his lower lip. In that
instant, I was on fire. BE caught my gaze once more.
“My name is Ben,” he said in a low, seductive voice.
“Alysin, Sin for short,” I said breathlessly. The
anticipation was killing me. “Nice to meet you.”
“Sin…is it?” he asked.
I nodded weakly, desperate for his lips to finally be on
mine once more. “The pleasure is all mine,” he murmured.
His hand cupped my face a moment, before it slid to the back
of my neck, urging me closer, slowly gently until our lips
touched. The fit was perfect. They soon parted and his
tongue was soon touching mine, brushing against it, sending
shivers throughout my body. He drew my body impossibly
close to his.
The intensity of it made my knees weak, and apparently
his too. He slowly pulled back as he ended our kiss and then
leaned heavily on the counter. “Whew! My heart,” he joked.
“Then let’s relax for a while on a gondola ride.” I
suggested gently, taking his hand and cautiously nudging
him in the direction of the line.
“Anything you wish, my love,” Ben murmured.
Smiling up at him, I wondered what I wished. Mostly, I
was beginning to wish that we’d never be apart again.
Reaching for the offered orchid, I smiled as we walked away
together.
13
“I t’s really heating up out there,” Ben commented.
I found myself saying that a lot in my head. Ben. His
name is Ben. It seemed like such a nice name. Sturdy.
Honest. Hard working. And my Ben was hot, sexy, and
clearly in love with me. I mean…I really didn’t see him being
the kind of guy to pass out personal dildos to every chick he
slept with. Of course, it didn’t hurt to check.
“How many other women have you given a personalized
dildo to?” I asked curiously.
“Just you, Sin,” he said as he smiled down at me. “I’m
not exactly in the habit of making dick molds, you know? Do
you mind if we do the indoor gondola ride for two?”
Laughing, I said, “Indoor sounds pretty perfect right
now.” Hell, anywhere with him sounded pretty perfect at the
moment. We hadn’t even had reunion sex and I was already
putty in his hands.
Soon we had boarded and the gondolier was singing to us.
I was wrapped in Ben’s arms and it seemed like everything
was falling into place. Life was finally unfolding as it should.
That week of angst was over. I expected nothing but smooth
sailing ahead. That must be why I let out that blissful sigh.
“Well, Sin, we made it. We’re together in Vegas,” he
murmured into my hair.
“Um hmm,” I mumbled against his chest while squeezing
him closer.
“I think we need to renegotiate the terms,” he said. I
didn’t even have to look up to know that he was smiling. It
was evident in the tone of his voice. Damn, I had missed that
voice.
“What terms?” I asked, without the least bit of concern.
This was Ben we were talking about.
“Well, we already broke our first rule. I know your name,
your first name at least,” he said.
Sitting up a little more so I could look him in those
beautiful eyes as we spoke, I said, “Oh, my name is Alysin
Nixon.”
He beamed. “It has a nice ring to it. I’m Benjamin
Everly,” he said.
“Everly,” I said in my thinking voice. “Where have I
heard that name before? Or maybe I saw it?” I wasn’t
expecting him to answer. I had a finger to my lip, tapping it
as I considered my own question.
“It was on the wine bottle I had chilling for you in the
suite when you arrived. Could that be it?” He smirked.
“Oh, that’s right. How cool. You have the same name as a
brand of wine,” I said happily.
“Well, that’s just because I own the winery,” he said with
a shrug.
I paused and looked at him. “You own the winery?” I
asked, incredulously. I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with
men like him. “I love that! What a way to parlay a passion
into a career. You do love wine, right?”
Throwing his head back, he laughed. “Yes, I love wine.
And I don’t own the winery alone. My parents passed it on to
my younger sister, Brenda, and me when they died suddenly
in a freak parasailing accident about ten years ago.” He
sighed and shook his head. “We’ve grown and changed and
now have an award winning winery. I couldn’t do it without
her.”
“That must be nice, having family. Jolie is mostly my
family and I’m hers.” I shrugged.
“Well, Sin Nixon, are you ready to break some rules?” he
asked, teasing me while leaning over to nibble on my ear.
“Absolutely. Let’s break all of them.” I said it and I meant
it. I just never considered what could come from that. I really
should have done that.
After the gondola docked and we stepped out, there was no
question where we were going next. More it was a challenge
to see who was going to break first. I was stubborn as hell. It
would have to be him.
We walked around for a few minutes, glancing in the
shops. It was nice, but nothing really caught our attention.
He had an arm flung casually around my shoulders. Mine
was wrapped around his waist. Periodically, he would pull
me close and plant a few kisses in my hair or bend over to
kiss my neck. It melted me every time. I wanted him so very
badly.
I was carrying the potted orchid and considering what a
nice gift it was. It broke one of my rules, of course. Up until
now, I had made sure I didn’t have to be responsible for one
more living thing…not even a plant. Now, suddenly, I am the
proud owner of an exotic flowering plant that would, no
doubt, require special care, attention, and treatment. I might
have to sing lullabies or read bedtime stories, cover it with a
blanket for all I knew. Yet, because it was an incredibly
thoughtful gift from an incredibly amazing man, I was happy
about it. “Purple,” I said. “How did you know?”
Chuckling, he responded, “I mostly guessed. It was
process of elimination. I didn’t want anything too common
for you. You have no idea how special and extraordinary you
are.”
Smirking, I warned, “Keep talking like that and you will
have wooed me into bed in no time.”
“Do I really have to woo you?” he asked.
“Sadly, no. You just say the word…” I looked down and
shook my head in shame.
“Good…because I was just thinking that the plant was
looking cumbersome and that you might want to drop it off
at the room before we did any more shopping…” He watched
my eyes for a response.
Without hesitation I said, “Let’s go.”
Being all calm and cool was completely forgotten. All I
knew was that I needed him in me. The sooner, the better.
That week apart had been too long. Our week together had
been too short. Eventually we’d talk and he’d reveal what he
had planned for me. We were putting the ‘what are your
intentions’ talk on steroids. I could feel it.
All I wanted was to make it back to the suite with him.
The walk back to the room was short. There was plenty of
foreplay along the way. Somehow my hot and sexy man
managed to stand behind me in the elevator and wrap his
arms around me in such a way that he was able to graze my
already throbbing nipples.
So, naturally, I had to return the favor. Positioning myself
just so I managed to ensure that his cock was sandwiched
nicely between my butt cheeks. I could feel him getting
harder. Teasing him was exciting both of us. On the cruise
ship, he had been the one to really torture me, but now I
knew how to play back. After a week together, I knew a lot of
his turn-ons. It was so exciting being able to use that against
him.
By the time we stepped off the elevator on our floor, he
had passed me the keycard so he could hold the orchid in
front of his crotch to hide his bulging erection. When we
reached the door, and I was struggling with the key card, he
was pressing against me and whispering in my ear.
“Let me,” he whispered in my ear as he passed me the
plant. “Sin, I am going make sure you never want to be away
from me again. I’m going to take you hard and fast, leave
you breathless and fulfilled. Then, I’m going to take you
again,” he murmured. I could actually feel my panties
getting damp while he spoke. Slowly, he nibbled on my lobe.
My hand was shaking, so I couldn’t even get the card to read
in the slot properly.
Just as my frustration was mounting, the door flew open.
Jolie stood there, smirking at us. “Well, well, well. Déjà vu.”
Once again, I was moaning in need. Only this time, Jolie
knew that her involvement would not be as welcome as it
had been that first time. Stepping aside, she urged us in out
of the hall. “Get in here!”
I nodded and walked forward while holding the potted
plant. “Thank you,” I mumbled, distracted by Ben’s hands
roaming all over my body. Jolie reached out and took the
flower from me. “Thank you,” I managed again…barely.
There were a few things I wanted to do with my mouth at the
moment…speaking wasn’t one of them.
We headed to the master bedroom. As soon as we were
both in the room, I pushed him back against the door hard so
that it slammed, then I crushed my body against his and
pulled his head down so I could capture his lips once more
with mine. It was a hungry kiss, the kind that begged for
more, much more than just that physical contact.
His hands roamed over my body until he found my
spaghetti straps on the sundress. Within seconds, it was in a
pool around my ankles. His hands covered my breasts, and
his thumbs stroked my already hardened nipples. My breath
was ragged already, coming in short gasps and moaning
sighs. I needed his skin against mine, immediately. That
week I had waited was long enough.
Soon, I was grasping at his polo shirt, lifting it up over his
head, flinging it without concern for where it might land. I
grabbed his waistband next, and pulled so quickly that his
hips rammed into mine. I smiled some and went back to
biting my lip in frustration while he kissed down my throat.
Unhooking his pants, I soon had them all caught up
around his ankles, stuck because of his shoes. Dropping to
my knees before him, I heard him inhale sharply as he
realized how close my face was to his throbbing cock. Not
one to disappoint, I released it, smiling as it sprang forth and
bobbed inches from my lips. Capturing it with one hand, I
ran my tongue over the end, lapping up the accumulating
beads of pre-come gathered at the tip. I never took my eyes
off his face. I saw when he finally had to be the one to close
his and throw his head back.
As if I were shoeing a horse, I grabbed first one calf and
then the other as I tugged off his shoes and then tore off his
socks. Slowly, I stood once more, making sure to run every
bit of my body against his as I rose. I hovered for a moment
at his pelvis, catching his dick between my boobs. I wanted
to torture him. From the look in his eyes, it was working. Ben
grabbed my upper arms and yanked me to standing. He took
both my hands in one of his and held them over my head.
“Damn it, Sin, I’m losing control here. You sure do know
how to get me going.” He pressed his body against mine
until my back was flat against the wall with a gentle thud
that had me closing my eyes. His other hand had found my
bikini strings. He made short work of that string and ripped
them off me.
“You owe me some new panties,” I joked breathlessly.
“No,” he said against my lips. “I owe you so much more
than that. That is the very least I will give you. Right now,
let’s start with a couple of orgasms.”
Next thing I knew, he had one of my legs up around his
waist, then the other. My ankles hooked together. He finally
had released my arms and with my free hands I was roaming
all over his face, his chest, and scratching up his back. All the
while, Ben slammed into me. I couldn’t get enough. His arms
were around me, holding me tightly against him.
His hands grasped my shoulders. He pulled me down so
that I was impaled on him, filled with him. It was madness,
all wild and crazed. It had only been a week, but clearly I
hadn’t suffered alone. His actions showed me how much he
missed me, missed this, and missed us. If that wasn’t
enough, there were words.
“I love you, Sin. I love you in that whole I’ll-never-getenough-of-you way. I love you in that I’d-wait-for-youforever way,” he managed to murmur into my ear.
It was too much for me. I think he may have pierced my
heart then. It felt like it, like something happened,
something changed inside me. “No more waiting, Ben. I’m
here. Good luck peeling me off you. You are so very loved.”
With a few more thrusts, I was coming in waves,
tightening around him, crying out in my release. After he
pressed into me as deeply as possible, he joined me. I felt his
knees weaken. For a moment, I thought we were going to
collapse on the floor together. I wouldn’t have minded one
bit being in a tangled pile with him.
Somehow, he stumbled to the bed. We collapsed there
instead, still the mass of limbs I imagined, but with far more
comfort. We were diagonal along the bottom. I didn’t care.
There was no way I could have been more content than I was
at that moment, in his arms, using his shoulder for my
pillow, his body for my warmth. I listened to his labored
breathing a moment, chalked it up to our intense wall sex,
and closed my eyes. Sleep came quickly.
When I woke, Ben was staring down at me, gorgeous eyes full
of love. It took my breath away. It made me want him all the
more with his openness and confidence. It was incredibly
sexy. That’s why I started kissing him on his neck, all the
way up to his ear. “Round two?” I asked seductively.
“Oh, most definitely. Let’s call for some fuel first.” He
suggested. Then he reached for the menu standing near the
phone. “I’m starving,” he commented.
For the first time, I realized I was too. “What time is it?” I
asked.
“It’s nearly ten pm. Room service is twenty-four hours.
So, we should take advantage of it. Pick,” he urged.
It didn’t take long. I know what I like and I know what
makes for a good meal before bed. “I want the chicken
sandwich, no tomato, with the side of potato salad and a
chocolate milkshake.” I was practically bouncing on the bed
in excitement.
Chuckling, Ben said, “I knew you’d want the potato salad,
but I had you pegged for a turkey club. I feel like I don’t
know you at all!”
I knew he was joking, but it brought out a more serious
side to me. “You have all the time you want to get to know
me,” I said, leaning over to bury my head in his chest.
He held me tightly in a way that frightened, rather than
reassured. Then he spoke. “About that…”
Sitting up quickly, I gathered some of the duvet around
me. It was bad enough to have my heart out there all in the
open if he was about to say something horrible. It was worse
to have my body out there too.
“What?” I asked, more abruptly than I meant to. “What
do you need to say?” I made my face completely devoid of
feeling. I wasn’t going to be that emotionally unstable chick.
He wouldn’t have me crying and clinging if this went south. I
was too together, too strong for all that.
He tilted his head as he considered me. “Maybe this a
good time for us to renegotiate the terms of our
relationship.” He suggested gently. There was something
about the way he said it, something that felt distant and
confusing coming from a man who had professed his love.
“Oh,” I remarked, hesitating only for a moment before I
attempted to change the subject. “Why don’t you call in food
and then we can talk?” Then I stood with the duvet still
wrapped around me and walked to the bathroom. It dipped
dangerously low in the back and I knew from past experience
that he would be excited by it, especially as my hips swayed
while I walked.
“Mmm mmm mmm,” he said. “I’ll get that food
ordered.”
I never looked back. It was one of my life policies. It was
the equivalent of showing my underbelly. I might not be the
most religious person, but if I learned nothing else from the
story of Sodom and Gomorra, it was don’t look back. That
policy had served me well through the years. Now, I was in
some strange relationship where my heart and body were
craving more, constantly more, and my one hope was that he
wasn’t about to crush all that. My one fear was that whether
he did or whether he didn’t, I’d hurt no matter what. This
was quite the predicament.
Leaning over the counter to stare at my reflection in the
mirror, I considered all the crazy thoughts running wild in
my mind. I was just being ridiculous. I was turning into the
worst kind of girl. I closed my eyes for a moment. Just be. I
thought. Only somehow it turned into just BE. It was true.
For some reason, ever since I had known this man, I had no
room for anyone else in my heart, no one else piqued my
interest, and no one else challenged me or understood me
like he did.
It wasn’t hard to plant a smile on my face then. Time for
my first of what I hope would be many nights with Ben. My
heart couldn’t be happier.
Opening the door confidently, I walked back out to him,
clutching the duvet around me still. “When will the food get
here?” I asked calmly.
“They said it could be half an hour,” he said with a frown.
“All I can think about is food.”
“Really? That sounds like a challenge to me,” I said
seductively. With that, I dropped the duvet and stood brazen
and naked before him. His dick hardened before my eyes.
“Are you sure about that?” I asked with a raised brow.
“Maybe I could be persuaded to think about something
else…” he commented, his voice trailing off.
“That’s what I thought,” I murmured.
He had lain back on the bed by now, his feet still on the
floor. Sitting on his lap, I let my wet pussy slide back and
forth over his hard hot cock. Teasing him felt so good, so
right. He groaned after a moment.
“In,” he growled. “I want to be in you right now.”
I threw my head back and laughed in response.
Apparently he didn’t like that. A moment later he had flipped
me onto my back and was positioned between my widely
spread legs.
“You think that’s funny? You like torturing me? My
turn,” he said as a seductive smile crossed his face.
Soon Ben was kissing his way down my stomach. Lower
and lower his lips went, until he was licking my pussy. His
tongue lapped at the juices that were flowing out of me as
excited as I was. He licked and sucked until my hips rose as
the excitement hit a crescendo. Just as I was about to cry out,
about to come all over his face, about to reach down and hold
his head in place because I couldn’t stand it anymore, he
stopped. Oh, I still cried out. This time it was in sheer
frustration. “Ben,” I begged, “please! Please!”
“You want me in you?” he asked coyly.
I nodded while biting my lower lip.
“Do you have any idea how good you taste?” he asked as
he climbed higher on the bed and lowered his body until it
was flush with mine. Bending his head, we kissed, intensely,
seriously, our tongues battling. Suddenly, he stopped and
pulled back. He smiled. “Now you know.”
Before I could respond, he made me forget everything else
as he slid slowly into my aching hole. I could feel that just
his head had pushed through. I wiggled and squirmed, trying
to get the rest of him.
“That’s not enough?” he asked playfully as he expertly
avoided entering me all the way. Shaking my head, I writhed
beneath him, a whimper escaping my lips. He silenced me
with another core tingling kiss.
“More, please,” I said. I wanted to be more demanding,
but I liked this side of him. I loved having a man in bed. Ben
was all man.
“For you, Sin, anything,” he whispered.
Slowly, he pushed deeper inside me. I wrapped my legs
around his waist and waited patiently as tiny whimpers
escaped my lips.
Soon he was suckling on my nipples and nibbling with his
teeth. His other hand manipulated my other breast, pinching
that nipple in the most agonizingly pleasant way. Just when I
thought I might die from all this sweet, sensual agony, he
slammed into me.
“Yes!” I screamed in excitement. “More.”
We had found our rhythm. He was touching me in all the
right places. His excitement was helping mine to build
impossibly. Then finally, it broke, I shattered completely and
Ben’s climax helped me along. For the first time, I felt it; felt
him, erupting in me. We rode it out together, clinging to one
another. I would have been happy to stay like that, all
intertwined. Instead, the knock on the suite door had us
laughing and jumping up to grab bathrobes from the closet.
“Food!” I squealed in delight.
“Right behind you, gorgeous,” he said with a chuckle.
“And after we eat, we renegotiate.”
That stopped me in my tracks.
14
W e had a floor picnic in the bedroom. I tried to convince
him to eat in bed, but he vehemently objected.
“Really? There’s nothing cool about crumbs in your crack,
Sin,” he said with a smirk.
“What makes you think there would be crumbs?” I asked
as I batted my eyelashes at him.
“You’re eating a sandwich. Enough said.” With that, he
leaned over and kissed me roughly on the cheek and made
me laugh.
“Fine. The floor.” I pretended I was pouting as we spread
out the duvet, but really, I was plotting. See, I figured if I
could just distract him for a few days, then he might not
want to ever negotiate. This could be a great argument for
my new philosophy—just be. So, with a smile, I ate my
sandwich, brushed off the crumbs, devoured my potato
salad, and slowly savored that chocolate milk shake. It was
real chocolate ice cream, not vanilla and syrup like so many
places use. I was in heaven. I was so distracted that I never
even realized that Ben was watching me.
“So, when you and your shake are done having a moment,
I’m ready to talk,” he said happily. He was lying on his side,
his head propped up on his hand.
I very nearly choked. Instead, I sucked down the shake so
fast that I suddenly suffered from the reversible yet highly
painful condition known as…brain freeze. “Gah!” I cried,
grabbing my head.
He rolled his eyes and chuckled. “Babe, if I didn’t know
better, I’d think you are scared of talking,” he said with a
smirk.
“Seriously? I’m fearless. What do I have to be afraid of?
I’m not tied down. I can move whenever I want. I have the
best kind of job security ever, since I’m self-employed. Hell,
I like me so much, I’ll never fire me!” My chin jutted out in
defiance as I attempted to convince him how great my life
was.
Sitting up slowly, he looked at me, the concern evident.
“So, if you get hurt, you just move? If you get in a fight, you
just move?” For the first time, he looked afraid. Then he
shook his head. “It sounds lonely to me. It sounds like you go
to great lengths to avoid dealing with feelings.” He edged
closer to me, pushing my long dark hair out of my face.
“Haven’t you ever had anything in your life worth sticking
around for?” He cupped my face in his hand. I reached up
and held it there for a moment with my eyes closed.
That was a lot to consider. That was a lot to analyze. “I
left home after graduation because I wanted a change. I
needed more excitement in my life. Jolie and I agreed to
never live in the same state twice. There was no need, not
with fifty states to choose from,” I said with a shy smile.
“And if you ran out of states?” he asked with a raised
brow.
“There’s always the Caribbean, then Europe,” I said with
a shrug.
“Okay,” he began slowly. “This is a good start. This is
what I want…to get to know you.”
Shaking my head in confusion, I asked, “What?”
“Renegotiating our terms. I want to get to know you. All
the boring stuff…life by the typical stats: name, date of birth,
occupation, last known address…phone number, email, that
kind of thing. I want it all with you, Sin. I want the
possibility of forever wrapped in a hundred million
moments. I want us.” He stared at me intently, waiting for
me to respond.
“Forever, huh?” I managed.
Shifting uncomfortably, he replied, “Yeah. You know. As
much of a forever as any of us have.” He shrugged.
My eyes narrowed in response. “Sure. We’re already fake
married. Let’s have a fake life to go along with it.” Then I
smiled.
“This? What’s between us? It’s as real as it gets,” he said
as he leaned in for a kiss.
I kissed him back, but then I paused. “So this
renegotiating…we’re really just breaking all the rules,
right?” I asked, more timidly than I intended.
“Right,” he agreed with a nod and a smile.
“What’s our time frame?” I questioned.
“Our time frame?” He sounded confused.
My eyes widened. “Yes. Last time, we had a week. How
long this time? I should let Jolie know,” I said, trying to
come up with a rationale for the question. I was not some
clingy girl, but it was nice to know how to prepare my heart.
“Oh, right. This is for Jolie,” he said, biting his cheek to
keep from smiling. “Well, I don’t have a time limit. Do you?
Is there somewhere you need to be?”
“I believe I mentioned it before…I can work anywhere.
Now you…you have a winery to run,” I challenged.
“Yes, I do. And while it doesn’t run itself, I am fortunate
to have a sister to run things while I’m away. Right now, I’m
giving her loads of practice.” He winked at me.
My head tilted while I considered his words. “So now
what? What do you suggest?” Sure there was more than a
degree of apprehension here. I was getting closer to him,
allowing him in. It felt dangerous and scary. It felt like a
huge risk, but not being with him would be a huge mistake. I
had to let this run its course. I had to see this through. I
promised Jolie. I meant it. Maybe I meant it a little for me
too.
“Well, I suggest…we start sharing, we start playing the
getting to know you game. I suggest we see if we’re as
compatible outside of the bedroom as we are in. A cruise ship
is no place to start a relationship,” he said seriously.
Something about that seemed really funny to me. I burst
out laughing. “Oh, and Vegas is better? Geesh.”
“Okay. Good point. It is, however, on land.” He wiggled
his eyebrows.
I couldn’t stop smiling. Seriously. My face hurt. Every
time I was around this man, he brought out the happy in me.
“So, Ben, when is your birthday?” It was his turn to laugh.
“Come on. I thought that was way classier than the old
‘what’s your sign’ question.”
“Agreed. So, I’m a Sagittarius, sexy. I was born December
10th. I’m thirty-two years old. I was raised in southern
California. My hobbies are reading and traveling. I also enjoy
pairing wine with food. Do you cook?” he asked with
interest.
Chuckling, I said sarcastically, “Sadly, no. There were not
a lot of opportunities to cook growing up, and even fewer as
an adult.” He looked almost disappointed. So, I perked up for
a moment as I remembered. “Oh, but I bake incredible
chocolate chip cookies and brownies!”
He laughed. “Well, I’m sure I have a dessert wine to pair
with them.” He was quiet for a moment. “I always wanted to
learn to cook…” His voice trailed off in such a way as to
suggest he might be thinking.
“Well, you have plenty of time. Maybe we could take a
cooking class together?” My jaw snapped shut at that. What
the hell was I suggesting? Since when did I bother trying to
be domesticated? I was a career woman, strong,
independent, and self-employed. Crap. One day with him
and I was offering to learn to cook? No man had ever
managed to tame this chick. Crap. Just crap.
“You know, I’d like that,” he said quietly. “We’ll see…”
At least one of us had the sense to be somewhat noncommittal. Why did it have to be him?
We played our game of getting to know each other into the
night. It was close to two in the morning before we fell
asleep. When we did, it wasn’t all snuggled in to the big
comfy king sized bed. Instead, we fell asleep on the floor,
right where we had enjoyed our picnic, cuddled together.
That’s how we woke hours later.
As usual, I woke first. I took a moment then to study his
features. He did rather look like a Ben to me all of a sudden. I
ran my fingers through his dark hair and he didn’t even
move. This man slept like the dead. Slowly, I stood and
stretched. I was already too old to be sleeping on the floor. I
was stiff and aching. Walking over to the bed, I picked up a
pillow and dragged a blanket over. We had at least slept on
the duvet. Before I bathed, I wanted to know he would be
warm and comfortable. What can I say? The man brings out
my softer side. Who knew I had nurturer tendencies?
In the bathroom, I took a quick shower, and then I threw
on the hotel bathrobe and walked out to the main living area
with my camera. I wanted to check out the sunrise over The
Strip. It was time to get back to work, and though Vegas had
been called an adult playground, I had to turn it into my new
office.
When I first walked in, Jolie was lounging on the couch,
drinking a coffee. Something about her pose in her robe, the
way the sunlight was streaming in through the window
creating this perfect effect, her look of sheer comfort and
calm…I had to capture her. So, I did.
“Hey,” she said, looking up. “I thought we had agreed to
no more photos without my permission years ago.” She
smirked at me.
“I have a terrible memory,” I lied.
“You have the memory of an elephant. I’m sure you
forgot.” She laughed.
Sitting down on the other end of the sectional, I asked
casually, “So, how do you like Vegas?”
“I love it. Of course, I’ve seen more of it than you have,”
she said with a smirk.
“Have you, now?” I asked. “And just what have you
seen?”
Jolie started rattling off a list of places she had visited and
ended with, “You have to go to The Bellagio. Between the
fountains out front and the conservatory inside…it can’t be
missed.”
I sat back with my legs stretched out and considered it.
“We didn’t really talk about me working,” I said. “We didn’t
talk about how long we were going to be in Vegas or stay in a
hotel or anything.” I could feel the panic rising in my chest.
“You have time,” Jolie said quietly. “Last night was your
first night back together. It’s no wonder that you didn’t get
to discuss any of that. See how the next few days go. “
Sitting up and swinging my feet off the couch and back
onto the floor, I leaned forward before speaking. “I don’t like
this, Jolie. I don’t like who I am when he’s around. I feel
weak and I hate that.” I looked up at her, knowing she would
recognize the sadness in my eyes.
“It’s too soon to run, Sin. What would you be running
from anyway? A man who treats you better than gold? A man
who is open and honest about his feelings and not only
professes his love, but proves it daily? Calm the fuck down.
You’ve got this.” She took one final sip of her coffee, stood
and then said, “Oh and here’s lover boy now.”
Whipping around, I saw him leaning in the doorway of
the master bedroom. “Morning, Ben,” I managed. All the
while I wondered how much of our conversation he had
heard. His face was impossible to discern.
“Morning,” he said. “Let’s have breakfast and plan our
day.” He studied me for a moment. “Oh, and for the record,
Sin. You are the strongest woman I know.” With that, he
turned and headed back into the room.
Melting into the couch with a hand across my face, I said,
“Well, that answers that question.”
Jolie laughed.
“I’m sorry? Is something funny? Because if so, I have no
freaking clue as to what it might be,” I growled at her.
“I love the way he handles you. I love the way he talks to
you. Mostly, I love seeing you like this. It’s good for you,”
she said. With that, she headed back to her bedroom.
Taking a few deep, fortifying breaths, I finally managed
to pry myself off the couch. This could prove to be an
incredibly long day. When I entered the master suite, I found
him standing in front of the bathroom sink. Walking up
behind him, I wrapped my arms around him. “I’m sorry,” I
murmured into Ben’s back. I had buried my face there and
was inhaling his scent. “I’m so sorry. I don’t mean to be all
emotional. I don’t…”
At the moment, I had no idea what to say. When I was
away from him, the doubts crept in. When I was near, there
was no room, my heart was too full of love. I liked it better
that way. I had a promise to keep and a future to build. I
didn’t want to let anyone down, most of all me.
While he showered, I dressed and applied my makeup. It didn’t
even occur to me how easily we shared a bathroom together.
To me, that seemed like one of the biggest tells in a
relationship. How comfortable were we together? Were we all
apologies and bumbling and bumping into one another
because I couldn’t be with someone who annoyed the crap
out of me for the long haul.
Now, with Ben, he always seemed to know where to be
and what to say. I marveled over that thought as I applied my
lip gloss. He watched me do it, leaning over and kissing my
neck and shoulder, tasting every bit of exposed skin. It felt
wonderful and natural, like fifty years from now, he’d be
doing the same thing if I let him. Only, I couldn’t picture him
old.
Reaching behind me, I captured him, drew him closer,
and looked at us in the mirror. Jolie spent little time with
cameras, either in front of or behind them, but I might be
able to convince her to take a few pictures of us. If I asked
nicely. Better yet, I would have Ben ask. I smiled.
“What is it?” he asked with a grin as he nibbled my ear
and placed his cheek beside mine.
Turning my face toward him to nuzzle his neck, I said
simply, “We look good together.”
He shrugged away. “What? Are you kidding? We’re the
most attractive couple here.”
Playing along, I laughed. “Oh, are we, now?”
“Absolutely,” he said with a nod, his hands still on my
hips.
Then I murmured quietly, “Which part? The attractive or
couple?”
Studying me intently in the mirror for a moment, he
responded, “All of it.” He set his chin on the top of my head
for a moment, then he grabbed my hand. “Now let’s go eat.”
Instead of eating in the hotel, we decided to take a walk down
the strip to find somewhere else to eat breakfast. It was a
great decision, since we discovered there was a nice buffet,
just around one of the corners, not at all off the beaten path,
but enough so that the lines were reasonable. There I enjoyed
all the things that I had on the ship…and more. The selection
of fresh fruit was better. The ham was better. The Eggs
Benedict were loads better…since I was able to have more
Hollandaise. I love Hollandaise.
Ben watched me wolf down the meal and commented,
“Too bad you don’t cook. Breakfast is my favorite meal of
the day.”
“Oh, I can make this,” I said, gesturing to the food on my
plate.
“You said you don’t cook,” he added.
“Well, this isn’t really cooking, and my Hollandaise isn’t
exactly from scratch.” I giggled as recalled all the packets of
it that were packed away in boxes, just waiting for a
cupboard.
“You can poach eggs?” he asked.
I nodded. “Of course. How else would I be able to make
it?”
“Babe, I don’t know how to break this to you,” he began
gently, “but you can cook.”
“Trust me. According to my mother, I can’t.” I shook my
head for emphasis and focused on the plate while I cut my
next bite.
“Are you sure your mother isn’t mistaken? Everyone is
entitled to his or her own opinion and these opinions are
based on differing tastes. Some people have great tastes,
others not so much,” he commented. “What else can’t you
cook?”
Setting down my flatware, I prepared to rattle off the
items that I made previously and earned much criticism.
“My roast is too dry, my chicken is seasoned too lightly, my
stuffing is too moist, the ratio of beef to vegetables in my
stew is completely off, and my cheesecake is too rich.” I
started to tick off items on my hand again. “No, I think
that’s everything.”
“Is she a food critic?” he asked with hands folded before
his face, covering his mouth.
“Ummm, as a matter of fact, nope,” I replied.
“Masterful chef?”
“Uhn uh,” I responded with a headshake.
“And we’re back to differing tastes and opinions. In my
opinion, you are amazing and as far as tastes go, mine are
impeccable, and everything that I’ve tasted so far is
incredible. I’m sorry, Sin,” he said seriously.
“For what?” I asked. “I like my life. I really do. Everything
about my past, good or bad, shaped me, just as your past has
shaped you. Without these challenges, we wouldn’t be who
we are. I like me. And I love you.” I made a face to assure him
that I had reconciled my past.
“This is all true,” he said quietly. Then he must have
decided it was time to change the subject because his mood
changed entirely. Sitting back in the booth, he asked, “What
do you want to do first?”
“I’m pretty open,” I said, “but I really need to get some
work done. I’ve taken enough time off. Now it’s time to get
paid.” I smiled happily.
“I love that idea!” he exclaimed.
“What idea?” I asked a bit confused.
“I’d love to watch you work. I saw you packed your
camera. I know just the place,” he commented offhand.
Already, I could tell the wheels were turning, that he had
something in mind. “What is it?” I asked.
“Well, I have a surprise for you.” He glanced under the
table in a way that made me super self-conscious and had
me squirming in my seat. “First, we need to change your
clothes, get you into some sneakers or hiking boots.”
I shook my head. “I don’t own any.”
He looked incredulous. “How do you not have sneakers?”
he asked wide-eyed.
“Let’s see…I don’t jog. I don’t walk long distances. And I
most definitely do not hike.” I raised an eyebrow and crossed
my arms before me.
Then he said the words that struck fear in me. “Not even
for me?”
My resolve was already crumbling. I could feel it. He even
used those eyes on me. All I could think was that he was
going to pay later. So, I closed my eyes and took a breath
before answering. “Okay,” I said almost sadly. “For you.”
Then I straightened. “And for the record, don’t abuse that.
Don’t try that so often that you wear it out. Don’t…take
advantage of my feelings for you.” With that said, I stood
and walked out of the restaurant. By the time he reached me,
I was pacing.
“So where will we find these shoes?” I asked. This would
be the first shopping trip with him that I really hadn’t
enjoyed.
Leaning over me and wrapping me in his arms, he said
playfully, “You are going to forgive me. You are going to
thank me for pushing you outside of your comfort zone.” He
gave me a quick peck on the cheek. “Now let’s get your shoes
and don’t forget your camera.”
By the time we made it back to the room, he had made
several phone calls. The first was for my shoes. “What size?”
he asked, pointing to my feet.
“Six,” I responded with a sigh.
Then he made another phone call. He made us a
reservation. I couldn’t be sure what it was for, not the
guarded way he was speaking. Nothing seemed to dull his
excitement.
“You have no idea how hard it is to plan a surprise for you
when you are standing right here!” he said happily. “You are
going to love this.”
My eyes narrowed. “We need sneakers. I highly doubt
that,” I commented.
“And your camera.” He reminded me.
We stepped outside the front of the hotel an hour later with
my new sneakers. I actually liked them. He ordered me
multiple pairs apparently, so I could choose. He even had the
sense to order socks. I felt good…except for the whole
confined toes part.
We stepped outside of the hotel and there was a Mercedes
Benz and driver waiting for us. I just looked up at him in
awe. I wanted to know, but I also understood how important
it was to him that I be surprised.
“You win,” I said. “I’m surprised. So, where are we
going?”
“You’ll see,” he said as he hugged me closer in the back
seat.
I tried to be patient, but I was practically bouncing up and
down beside him. “Are you sure you don’t just want to break
down and tell me?”
Laughing, he said, “I want to see you work.”
“Well, how will I know when to start working?” I asked in
frustration.
“Oh, you’ll know,” he said with a smirk.
Just then, we pulled into the airport and were dropped off
at a helicopter terminal. The pamphlets scattered about the
place suggested we were going to be touring the Grand
Canyon. I couldn’t help it. The thought of all the pictures I
could take there made me squee like a girl.
Apparently my reaction completely delighted him. “You
ready to work?” he asked with a genuine smile.
“You do realize we could have just walked down The
Strip, right? We could have stayed in the hotel room. I can
take pictures anywhere. Really.” I hugged him closely.
“Thank you for this. Thank you for pushing me.”
“You are welcome, Sin,” he said quietly. “It just makes
me so happy to make you happy.” He shrugged.
“I’m ecstatic. And I’m going to thank you so hard
tonight,” I said with a seductive look. I saw the way he had
moved suddenly. Leaning against him, I teased. “Speaking of
so hard…”
Then it was time to hop on the helicopter, time to make
memories, and time to just be in this amazing place.
15
T hough the helicopter seated six passengers, we were the
only two in it. I gave him a sideways glance. “Is this by
design?” I questioned when I realized that there were others
waiting and not joining us.
“Well, what if people were in your way while you were
trying to take a picture?” he asked.
I laughed. “In that case, why am I not riding alone? You
never get in the way?”
“Every photographer needs a good assistant. I’m here to
assist.” He leaned forward as if to bow while offering his
services.
“Oh, the pressure,” I joked. “I hope I don’t disappoint
you.”
“Sin, you never have and I swear I can’t imagine how you
ever would. You amaze me,” he said as he leaned in for a
kiss. “Now get to work.”
As he said that, I could see it, one of the seven wonders of
the natural world, the Grand Canyon. It was huge…seriously
vast, and utterly amazing. While I don’t like the desert with
its barren landscape, the oranges and browns…this time, I
was able to see the beauty in the area. Gawd, Ben could
probably make a compost pile look attractive.
The helicopter landed and though the pilot encouraged us
to go hop a shuttle, it seemed that Ben had other plans for
us. “Thank you, but we’re more the road less traveled type,”
he commented. Then he grabbed my hand and helped me out
of the helicopter.
As I stepped onto the rocky uneven ground, I was mildly
disgusted to realize that I was glad to be in something that
offered more support than my usual footwear. Dadgumit. I
was going to appreciate these sneakers, even if only for
today.
The pilot passed Ben a picnic basket. As soon he had a
good grip on it, he turned and stood by my side once more.
“Let’s go.” He pressed.
“Where to?” I asked, looking around. The area was so
vast, so open, just begging to be captured. Oh, and I had just
the camera to do it.
“You tell me. We have a couple of hours. We’ll wander
around wherever strikes your fancy.” He nudged me with the
basket, urging me to move.
With a shrug, I walked farther away from the landing area
and closer to a plateau I had seen as we had flown over.
Those stupid sneakers came in handy. With them, I was able
to move faster than normal. At one point, I turned to locate
Ben. He was much farther behind than I thought he was, so I
stood and waited for him to catch up.
“Sorry,” he managed, “I just kept pausing to admire the
view. I would have expected you to do the same.”
“I have a spot in mind. It’s just ahead. Think you can
make it?” I teased.
Nodding vehemently, he said, “Of course I can. Why do
you ask?”
I looked at him and my eyes narrowed. “You are just
really out of breath. I was worried. That’s all.”
“It’s the picnic basket. And watching you walk ahead of
me. That would leave any man breathless,” he said with
what seemed like a forced smile.
I would have offered to carry it, but it seemed like the
kind of thing that might completely emasculate him. And I
would never hurt him like that. So, I kept my mouth shut,
slowed my pace, and decided to break the uncomfortable
silence between us with some inane chatter.
“Well, I thought you might enjoy this little tidbit in our
quest to get to know each other.” I waited for him to
acknowledge me. When his eyes met mine, I continued. “I
received my first camera when I was ten, but it wasn’t until I
graduated and received a nice digital one that I really found
my passion for photography.”
“Who gave you that camera?” he asked, still sounding a
bit winded.
“That was a gift from Jolie.” I smiled at the memory. “We
had made a pact to leave. We thought we were going to take a
cross-country trip over the summer, then come home and
register for community college while we tried to figure out
what we wanted to be. It just didn’t quite work out that
way,” I mentioned as I became lost in thought.
Looking about, I realized this spot we were standing on
was just as good as my far off plateau. “Hey, let’s stop here!”
I was excited. More than that, I was on to something. I
hadn’t really given this much thought before. I wasn’t
known for being introspective. Mostly, I was all full-speed
ahead. I was on the go, rarely stopped and considered…
anything.
Setting the basket down, Ben opened the top and pulled
out an ivory linen tablecloth. My eyebrows shot up. Who uses
something like that for a picnic? It would be ruined,
completely unusable ever again. He pulled out a couple of
goblets, a bottle of wine, and a corkscrew. Then it was the
pre-made platters. There was a deli one with meats and
cheeses, a fruit one, a veggie one, and pastry box with a
cupcake selection inside. Completely awed and amazed, I
didn’t know what to say at first. I was sure that my mouth
was hanging open slightly and for some reason there were
tears in my eyes. It must have been the sun. I should have
brought a hat in addition to the sunglasses. So, I found
myself wiping at my eyes.
Smirking, Ben said, “So, dust in your eyes?”
Shaking my head, I explained. “The sun. It’s great for
taking pictures, but lousy on the eyes.
“Sure it is.” He laughed. “Now come eat.” He was already
sitting and had gestured to the array of food on the
tablecloth. “I know it’s not much, but I’ll make up for it with
dinner tonight.” He winked at me.
“This…is amazing.” I sighed happily. “How do you do it?”
I asked. “How do you always know the perfect thing to do, to
say?” I shook my head. “I never do. Jolie was always the one
who was good with words. For me, it was pictures…worth a
thousand words, right?” I looked at him meekly.
Reaching out, he cupped my face, lifted my chin, forcing
me to look at him. “You do a fine job expressing yourself,”
he assured me. “If there’s anything I have learned about you,
it’s that everything you do, everything you say comes
straight from the heart.”
He must have known that this moment had turned
suddenly uncomfortably intense because he masterfully
changed the subject. “What did you get Jolie?” he asked as
he uncorked the wine. He sniffed the cork, and then he began
to pour while I contemplated his question.
“What?” I was utterly confused. My mind was whirling
from all that he said. My heart was so full, I thought it would
burst.
“For graduation. She bought you a camera. Road trip. You
know.” He was busy working on removing the lids from the
platters.
“Oh, that,” I said. “Huh. I bought her a computer. It was a
laptop, refurbished, nothing fancy.” I shook my head in
wonder as I reached for a grape and popped it in my mouth.
“It’s funny. Jolie always loved computers. She loved creating
websites. It was her thing. And I loved taking pictures, of
course, recording these little snippets of life for posterity.”
Using just my fingers, I reached a cheese cube. “We
started a blog, thought that we would simply record our
adventures for family and friends, two eighteen-year-olds
traveling the continental US in a VW bus.”
He chuckled. “I never saw that coming. You are so…
refined.”
“Well, it was Jolie’s idea. She pictured us as these gypsies,
thought that the vehicle completed the illusion. We camped
out in it. We traveled on the cheap. It was an incredibly fun
and exciting time. Only…the blog grew beyond our
imagination. We had tons of followers. We created a blog
book that sold well. We had many people contacting us and
asking for the rights to our pictures. We had a magazine
reach out and ask us to write a series of articles. Suddenly,
what was supposed to be a summer trip became a career.”
Taking a long sip of wine, I studied his reaction.
“It looks like your gifts have served you well,” he
acknowledged. “What happened next?”
“So, we decided not to come home. Our bank accounts
were growing. We hadn’t expected to be earning any money.
We had saved for this trip for years. Now we both had lovely
little nest eggs. After a while, when the weather turned cold,
we headed south and it was Galveston for the winter. Then,
we bought houses and stayed.” I shrugged.
“Wait.” He looked dumbfounded. “You bought houses in
Galveston?” I nodded. “So, you had a house in Texas. How
old were you?” Now I could see that he was impressed.
It was nice. I liked that he was impressed, but I didn’t feel
the need to impress anyone. I was just living my life, doing
my thing, finding my happy. Still, I did want to correct his
assumption. “At the time, I was nineteen. Oh, and I still own
it,” I said offhandedly. “I rent it out. It’s managed by a
property company, just like the other four houses I’ve
purchased through the years.”
I wasn’t paying attention to him at the moment. My focus
was instead on the food. I was starving. History showed that
as soon as that need was fulfilled, I would be ready to start
taking pictures. As I glanced about, I basked in the cloudless
blue sky, the gentle breeze, and the gorgeous nature made
stone formations that I was preparing to capture. The
lighting was perfect.
Looking at Ben, I offered him a sweet smile. “Thank you
for this,” I said. “This is absolutely perfect.” I leaned in and
he met me halfway for a kiss.
“You are absolutely perfect,” he said as we pulled apart.
Stunned, I just sat there. “I’m not perfect, Ben. Not by
any stretch of the imagination. Please don’t set me up for
failure. I don’t want to disappoint you.” I frowned. Then,
before he could say another word, I started to stand, but he
caught my hand first.
“Wait. Before you run off. Stay for just a moment and let
me tell you what I see. You ready?” he asked earnestly. I
nodded shyly. These conversations were so uncomfortable to
me, since I lacked both experience and confidence in this
department. I was a chick of action.
“Sin, you are fearless…just about,” he said with a shy
smirk. The man knows me. I couldn’t help but giggle in
return. “You are just such a surprise, so capable, highly
intelligent, incredibly creative, with an amazing sense of
adventure. Being around you is absolutely intoxicating. You
are just what I needed.” With that, he lay down, an arm
folded under his head, closed his eyes and prepared to rest.
Tilting my head to the side, I studied him, certain of his
sincerity. It was really invigorating. I felt all squirmy inside. I
had to do something, had to move before I made a complete
fool of myself for this man.
“Baby, go do your thing. I know you are aching to take
pictures. I just want to lie back here and watch you work,” he
said.
Leaning over, I gave him a quick peck on the lips, then I
grabbed my camera and headed toward the plateau I had
scoped out earlier.
We left late afternoon and as we flew back to the terminal, I
leaned back in Ben’s arms. “What a lovely way to spend a
Sunday afternoon,” I commented. “Thank you for that.”
“Oh, Sin, our day isn’t over yet. I have plenty more
surprises in store for you,” he said with a smile. “Did I tell
you how much I enjoyed seeing you work?”
“You didn’t pay attention to me,” I laughed, “you slept!”
Then I gave him a playful punch in the shoulder.
“Hey, I didn’t sleep the entire time,” he argued.
I shook my head, since there was no reason to push the
matter. It didn’t hurt my feelings. While I’m taking pictures,
I’m so in my element that I wouldn’t know whether he had
been there or not. Changing the subject, I asked, “So what
else do you have planned for me?”
“Come on. You know better than to ask.” He teased
behind his sunglasses.
“Well, it was worth a try. One day you may just succumb
to my charms. And I’ll never know if I don’t ask.” I
shrugged.
“Silly Sin,” he whispered into my ear. “I’ve already
succumbed to your charms. Isn’t that obvious?” He gave me
an extra tight squeeze before planting a few kisses on my
neck. This man had me under his spell for sure.
We returned to The Venetian in the same Mercedes that
brought us here. And because I was unsure of what to expect,
I found myself looking about suspiciously, constantly
watching, waiting to see what was going to happen next. It
really took the fun out of the moment. Luckily, Ben was very
aware.
“This is really killing you, isn’t it?” he asked seriously,
voice laden with concern.
Sadly, I nodded as we walked to the elevators. “I don’t do
well with surprises. I’m a planner. Everything feels really up
in the air. I’ve packed up my house and my life. Now, I was
doing that anyway, but the time frame was on steroids by
our reunion. No regrets. Only…I feel like I’ve lost all control.”
I let out a long anxious sigh. “I don’t know what I’m doing
from one minute to the next. I don’t know whether to look
for an apartment or a house. I know I just arrived, but these
things take time and the hotel costs money.” I threw my
hands up in the air, my frustration showing.
When I met his gaze once more, his eyes were wide with
surprise. “I guess I never thought of that. First, I’m paying
for the hotel. You don’t have to worry about that.”
“Wait. I am just as good with others’ money as I am with
my own. I know it’s hard to come by,” I interrupted.
Nodding, he said, “Well, I appreciate that. Just so you
know, I picked up on that during the cruise. I remember
when I was buying you all those clothes. By the end, you
were visibly flinching every time I added something to the
pile.” He chuckled. “You really do like being self-sufficient,
don’t you?”
“Absolutely!” I exclaimed. “I wasn’t built to be dependent
on anyone.” I frowned. The way he looked at me then, I knew
I’d have to explain that comment later. I was fine with that.
I’m not ashamed of my past.
“How about this?” He glanced at his watch. “What if we
talk and then I have you go get ready because we are driving
to dinner in an hour.”
Hopeful, I asked, “Do I get to know where we’re going?”
With a warm smile, he hauled me close. “Absolutely. I
thought I might tell you where you are going tomorrow too.”
He winked at me as the elevator doors closed around us.
That’s all it took. Suddenly, I was giddy. “Where are we
going for dinner?”
“Lake Mead. It’s a dinner cruise.” He beamed at me. “I
just love you on a boat. What can I say?”
My face hurt from how hard I was smiling. Oh, and my
eyes…they were doing this bizarre thing. Everything was
getting all hazy. I looked up at him. “I can’t wait,” I
murmured, afraid of how my voice would sound. Just then
the elevator doors opened and we exited, headed toward our
suite.
“Baby, are you crying again?” he asked as he ran a thumb
around my lashes.
Shaking my head, I swore, “I don’t cry. I think I must
have stepped near an air conditioning vent.”
“Of course,” he said in a way that suggested he was
placating me.
“Now, tell me about tomorrow,” I demanded playfully.
We were in front of the door now and I opened the door
much more easily this time than I did yesterday. It helped
that he wasn’t pressing against me or nibbling on my ear.
When we walked through the entry, Jolie was just walking
out of her room. “Hey, I thought I’d grab a bite to eat, hit a
show. Are you two interested?”
I looked up at him with a pleading look. He nodded down
at me. “Jolie, we have plans to eat dinner tonight on a dinner
cruise, Lake Mead. I’d love for you to join us. It’s a boat full
of people. It’s not like you’d be intruding.”
She looked to me for confirmation. I had my hands
clasped in front of my chest, but I walked toward her
suddenly and hugged her. “Please,” I begged.
Looking from one to the other of us, she finally broke out
into a huge smile. “Fine. Twist my arm. I guess I’ll go
change.” Then she turned and headed back into her room,
but there was definitely a spring in her step. It made me
happy. I hated feeling like I was excluding her, even if she
did know we were coming to meet Ben.
“Thank you for that,” I said as I buried my head in his
chest. It felt so good to be close to him, to have him wrap his
arms around me, and to have him accept my best friend too.
Maybe I could have it all and not lose me.
“Before you get carried away thanking me, let’s talk
about tomorrow.” He took me by the hand and waked me
down to the sectional in the sunken living room. We sat and
he said, “How do you feel about going to my place for a few
days?”
My knee jerk reaction had me jumping up and down in
excitement. Then, I realized what it meant. “And we’d leave
Jolie here?” I asked.
“Well, that was my original plan. I want to show you the
estate, the vineyard, the winery. I have some business to take
care of.” He searched my face for a reaction. “Say
something.”
“I want to go with you. I want to…but I need Jolie’s
approval. I need to know she’ll be okay here without me.” I
paused. “You understand, don’t you?”
Leaning in, he kissed me, deeply, lovingly as he had so
many times before. Yet this time, it felt…like understanding.
“Babe, if you responded any differently than you had, there’s
no way I could love you like I do. Loyalty and friendship are
something to treasure. Any man that would get in the way of
that, two lifelong friends, isn’t much of a man in my book.”
He trailed a thumb along my lip and I nibbled on the end of
it, grazing it with my teeth and running my tongue along the
finger print, feeling out all the ridges and whirls.
This man was right. He was right for me. This, what was
between us, was right. I might not have known what I was
doing when we met, but now I knew. This could be
something special. This was real.
“Bring your camera,” he had said before we left the hotel.
That was a request I was always happy to comply with. I
grabbed the camera bag on the way out of the room and
smiled as I hooked arms with Jolie.
The three of us drove in his Lexus Sedan to Lake Mead. He
was right to invite Jolie. This was not a romantic dinner or a
fancy dinner. It was a nice dinner in a beautiful location that
kept my camera busy. For that I was happy.
As the meal wore on, however, I could feel the pressure
mounting. At some point, I needed to talk to Jolie. I wasn’t
sure if Ben should be around for it. So, finally, I just decided
to mention it, to get it over with.
“So, Jolie, do you have any plans? What’s going on with
you? We haven’t talked much,” I mentioned as casually as I
could muster.
She looked uncomfortable for a moment. “Yeah. I do. And
I don’t know how to tell you this.” She took a deep breath. “I
need to go to San Francisco for a few days. I didn’t think
you’d miss me, but I still wanted to tell you.”
“You’re going to California?” I asked. The surprise was no
doubt evident in my voice. Nodding shyly, she started to
shove her food around on her plate. Finally she set her fork
down, pushed her seat back some and sighed. “Okay. Here it
goes. Ready?” She looked at us from across the table.
I nodded. Ben squeezed my thigh under the table. “Go
on,” I urged.
“Well, you know that I love building websites, right?” she
asked. When I had nodded, she continued. “Okay, I’m just
going to say it.” She took a deep breath. “I’m selling the
website. It isn’t exciting to me anymore,” she said with a
shrug. “I know that I’m making plenty of money. I just…
want to start something new. I’m not sure yet, but if I sell
this site, then I can buy myself plenty of time to figure it out.
You know? And half the fun of being self-employed is that I
can do what I want.” She smiled shyly at me. “I don’t want
to do this anymore. I’m sorry, Sin.” She sighed sadly.
“Why are you apologizing? I want you to be happy. What
kind of best friend would I be if I wanted you to keep doing
this for me?” I thought for a moment. “There are plenty of
royalty free sites if they close yours down. I’ll be fine.”
She looked up at my face through her eyelashes. “You
mean it, don’t you?” she asked.
Making a face, I said, “Yeah. I really do.”
With that admission, she jumped up out of her seat and
rushed over to my side, then wrapped her arms around my
neck. “God, I feel so much better. Thanks for that, Sin.
Really.”
“Well, now I don’t feel so badly about what I need to tell
you,” I joked. “I guess that Ben and I are going to his place
in California for a few days. We’re leaving tomorrow.” I
shrugged and smiled at her.
“I’m so happy for you. Really. I am. I’m happy for both of
us.” She hugged me once more, and while she was leaned in,
she whispered in my ear, “Don’t fuck this up. I mean it.”
“I know. I’m trying,” I murmured.
16
“S o, is there anything you’d like to do on our last night in
The Venetian?” Ben asked as we all lounged in the
sunken living room.
“I can’t think of anything,” Jolie remarked. “I’m eager to
get packed. Since you are leaving in the morning, I will too.”
“So, we’ll just check out?” I asked, looking up at Ben.
“Might as well. Then we can try out another hotel when
we come back,” he commented. I looked over at Jolie. She
was biting her lip. This was one of those situations where I
didn’t want to ask. I didn’t want to know. What if I
questioned and found out that she wasn’t planning on
coming back? So I left it alone. I just smiled to try and hide
the fear that suddenly had taken up residence in my heart.
“Well, it is late,” Ben commented. “We need to get a
reasonably early start. We’ll order room service in the
morning so we can just get on the road from here. Sound
good?” he asked as he gave me a slight squeeze.
Jolie stood. “Don’t worry about me. I probably won’t eat.
I’m flying out, so I’ll be leaving at o’dark thirty in the
morning.”
I stood and gave her another hug. It felt like goodbye and
I didn’t like it one bit. Then I just watched her as she walked
into her room and closed the door. She didn’t look back. I
was rather glad, since one of her hairs must have poked me
in the eye during the hug and they both started watering
immediately.
When I looked back for Ben, I found he had come up
behind me and was now wrapping his arms around me. “It’s
okay to cry,” he murmured in my ear while holding me
tightly against him.
“I don’t know what you are talking about, but I’m fine,” I
argued as I pushed away slightly and moved to face him. “In
fact, I’m great. Let’s go to bed. I wanted to thank you for
such an amazing day,” I said in my sexy voice. Then I used
my hand to beckon and convince him to follow me, not like it
was a hard sell.
Soon, we were in the room behind closed doors. “You
wanted to say thank you?” He managed to ask in between
our passionate kisses.
“It’s more of a show than a say,” I murmured against his
lips. We slowly made our way to the bed while I removed
layer after layer of clothing. By the time we hit the mattress
we were both naked. Savoring the feel of his warm skin, I
rubbed against him, the entire length of him. I loved the way
he ran his hands over my bare flesh. He made me tingle all
over. I was about to climb on, to mount him, ride him until
we both cried out, only he rolled me onto my back and
restrained my arms.
“Nope. Let me lead,” he urged.
Something about the way he took control had me superhot. I was already bothered. Within seconds, he had pinned
both my hands with one of his over my head. I loved that, the
way he took control. It was something I never would have
allowed anyone to do in the past, but with him, it felt right. I
knew I could trust him not to hurt me or humiliate me. All he
wanted was for us to both be pleasured.
Soon, I was writhing under him as his kissed me, nibbling
on my lower lip, and leaving a trail of kisses to my ear. With
the way he was rubbing his body over mine, I didn’t think it
could get any hotter, only… a moment later it did.
“I’m going to kiss my way down your neck now, Sin,” he
warned. “Then I’m going to kiss my way to each breast. I’ll
spend some time massaging them with my hands, licking
and suckling with my tongue, and nipping on your hardened
nipples. I’m going to apply just the right amount of pressure,
that perfect balance of pleasure and pain to really, and I
mean really get your juices flowing.”
By now I was panting at the thought of everything he had
already promised to do. “My juices are already flowing,” I
moaned. “Just feel. Or better still…taste,” I urged.
I needed him in me. I was on fire, burning up. The only
thing that could fix it would be for him to fill me.
“You want me to touch you?” he asked quietly, his breath
in my ear making me all the more excited.
All I could do was nod as he dragged his hand down my
side, then over my pelvis until his hand cupped my pussy.
The palm of his hand applied just the right amount of
pressure to my clit. Without thinking, I had started grinding
against his hand. “Oh, Ben,” I whimpered as I felt the
orgasm building.
Then he took his hand away. “Not yet.” He teased.
My eyes flashed at him. How could he get me all worked
up and then not let me finish? Then he chuckled.
“Baby, I’m going to make you come so many times
tonight, you will forget this one missed orgasm,” he
promised. Then he started to do everything he vowed. Sure
enough, I forgot everything from before. Suddenly, I was in
the moment, waiting and anticipating, as he pleasured me.
Once he had finished doing all of that, his hand cupped me
once more.
“You want to rub and grind against me, don’t you, Sin?”
My eyes were closed to the darkened room, but I knew
there was enough light for him to see me biting my lip. My
body was positively trembling with need. I wasn’t going to
let him know, but he already did. He could feel it in me.
Soon there was a finger inside me, then two. A moment
later, his face was sucking on my clit while his fingers
beckoned me to come. Yeah, I cried out. I couldn’t help it.
There was so much feeling, so much passion. I wanted it to
go on forever. I wanted to feel this way for as long as
possible.
As if he knew what I was thinking, he spread my legs
wider, lifted my hips to meet his, and pressed his dick
against my wet opening. All I could do was nod for
encouragement. That was all he needed.
Without warning, he had entered me hard and fast. Our
movements were frantic. Our need was great. I had every
intention of coming again. Didn’t he promise me multiple
orgasms? Thankfully, he was a man of his word.
Can you screw yourself to sleep? I’m pretty sure we did. I
don’t remember how we stopped. I know for a fact that we
woke up having sex at least once. Just like I knew for a fact
that this morning I would be ready and wanting him again.
Rolling over, I was surprised to discover that I was alone.
He was gone. When I glanced at the bathroom, I discovered
that he wasn’t there either. I was about to climb out of bed,
grab a bathrobe and search for him when the door to the
bedroom popped open.
When our eyes met, he looked disappointed for a moment.
Then he smiled brightly. “I was going to surprise you with
breakfast in bed.”
“Hey, I’m still surprised,” I said with a huge grin.
He joined me on the bed with the breakfast tray. With a
flourish, he removed the covers on the various plates.
Everything I could possibly want to eat was right there on
that tray. And everything I could possibly want in a man was
beside me on that bed. Leaning over, I dropped my head on
his shoulder. “Thank you. This is perfect,” I said.
“So glad you like it, gorgeous. You deserve the best,” he
managed in between bites.
“Well, it’s your turn,” I began.
“My turn?” He looked surprised and confused.
“I feel like I’ve been monopolizing the conversation
lately, talking all about myself and my relationship with
Jolie. Now I want to hear all about you. After all, in a few
hours, I’ll be at your house…on your turf.” I shrugged.
“I guess I didn’t think of it that way,” Ben admitted. “I
just figured that with me there with you…”
Cupping his face, I looked up at him and waited for him to
look down at me. “Understand this, Benjamin Everly,
wherever you are is home for me.” Then I sealed those words
with a kiss. It was tender, yet heartfelt. And when it was
over, our foreheads touched for several moments more.
He glanced at his watch then. “What if we talk in the car?
My car is in the garage. I’ll drive.”
I shook my head. “Nope. We’ll both drive. I can’t leave my
vehicle here.”
He thought for a moment, then agreed that I was correct.
“So, I’ll give you the address and my phone number. Then
we’ll check out after your shower and head out.”
Ben walked me to my car and then I drove him to his. I called
Jolie several times during the brief three hour drive, but her
phone was off, so I left charming messages to let her know I
was thinking about her, but everything was okay. The drive
was broken up by a rest stop where we just stopped to pee
and kiss a few times. There were calls that he made to make
sure that I was awake. Then he would get off the phone
before I had a chance to ask him anything. By the time we
reached the estate, I knew he was doing it on purpose.
Did he want me to be surprised? Was he ashamed of his
family, where he came from? I played out the various
scenarios in my head, but none of them seemed likely. Then
we were there.
I pulled up beside his car and paused for a moment before
getting out. It was bigger than I expected, which made it
difficult for me to remain calm as I thought about how
unworthy I felt. I didn’t have a rich family or connections
that would have prepared me for this. I had a public school
education, no college degree, and a history of running the
moment life became scary, difficult, or disappointing. This…
would definitely qualify as scary.
The door opened and Ben held out his hand to help me
out of the vehicle. It was a nice gesture, very chivalrous. It
was the kind of gesture I would never get used to. Still, it was
Ben, just being nice and considerate. There was nothing
scary about that. When he grabbed my bag, a man came to
the side of my vehicle and took it from him. “I’ll take that,
sir,” the man said. Then he went to Ben’s vehicle and took
his bag too.
“Oh, those both go in the master bedroom,” he told the
man.
“Ummm…I don’t get an introduction?” I asked, suddenly
feeling even more awkward.
“Of course, you do. And you will just as soon as I show
you around some of these outside areas. We’re giving the
staff a chance to get ready for you. Okay?” He gave me a
reassuring look and then bent his head to kiss me.
“Okay,” I said nervously.
We wandered around the exterior of the estate for a few
moments. He pointed out to me where the stables were, but
admitted he had never ridden a horse, which I started to
question, but something about the way he said it caused me
to pause. Then he showed me around to the back of the
house, the inground pool, the amazing back lanai, and the
hot tub. From the back deck, it was possible to see most of
the vineyards and winery, since it was on the higher ground.
The air felt cleaner here than I expected. The sky was
clear, completely free of any smog I had imagined. The
estate, or what little of it I had already seen, was spectacular.
“Did you think that I wouldn’t have come if I knew how
big this place was?” I asked him as I wrapped my arms
around his waist and laid my chin on the center of his chest.
“The thought did occur to me,” he replied with a smirk.
“Eh, you were probably right. This place is super
intimidating.” Then I realized we weren’t alone. The man
who had taken my bag and a woman were standing beside a
table that was set for lunch. “Wow.”
“Yeah. I may have mentioned that we’d be hungry and
that lunch on the patio would be greatly appreciated.” He
motioned for me to head over to the table, so I did.
The introductions soon followed. “Lucy, this is Alysin,”
he said.
I held out my hand to shake and it made Ben smile, but he
didn’t look stricken by my actions, so Lucy and I shook. Then
it was time to meet the man.
“George and Lucy are married. They have taken care of
my family for over twenty years now.” He grinned at George
and I could tell they had a bond. It made me feel even better
about loving Ben. He wasn’t some snotty, spoiled rich kid.
“So nice to meet you both,” I said sincerely as I shook
George’s hand. Then we were sitting, eating, and talking. It
was so…nice. I know this is what people do. I had seen it on
television and in movies, but I had never experienced it in
my life. In all my years of dating it was…going to the movies,
grabbing overpriced dinners, and bar hopping. This was
what adults did. This was real life and yet it was something
out of a dream.
After lunch, Ben looked at me sadly. “Listen,” he began.
“I would love to spend all afternoon showing you around,
but I can’t right now. There are some pressing issues that
need to be addressed. I’ll give you the quick tour, then I’ll be
working in my home office for the remainder of the day.
We’ll do dinner at seven pm, if you don’t mind, right here.”
For some reason, this actually made me feel better. I
could acclimate at my leisure. “I think this sounds great.
Don’t worry about working. I get it. If you don’t mind, I’ll
work too.” I gave him my most hopeful look.
“Of course, Sin. Take all the pictures you want. I can’t
wait to see them.” He reached out and held my hand over the
table. For a moment, he studied our hands intertwined.
“Come on. Time is precious.” I stood and urged him to get
up. Looking up at me seriously, he said, “Yes. Yes it is.”
The mini tour began with the kitchen. Apparently I was
allowed free reign of the house and could grab anything I
wanted out of the fridge. “How about the counter?” I asked
playfully.
“What about the counter?” He sounded confused.
“Well, those look like fresh baked brownies on the
counter. Do I have free reign there too?” I gave him my most
playful look, to which he responded with a chuckle.
“Would you like a brownie, babe?” he asked, further
proving he would indulge my every whim.
“Yes, please!” I said as I bounced slightly in place.
I took that brownie with me and munched it on the rest of
the tour. “I figured I’d need fuel for this,” I joked. “This
place is huge!”
Looking as me sideways as we walked down the hall, he
commented, “And yet you have no designs on it at all.”
“Nope. None.” I walked a bit ahead of him. “Bathroom?” I
asked.
“Use the one in our room,” he said and he pointed to the
last room on the right.
Chills had run up and down my spine when he had said
our room. I don’t know if he meant anything by it. He could
have called it the master bedroom. He could have called it his
room. Instead, he used the word ‘our.’ Maybe I just stressed
too easily.
When I walked out of the bathroom, I really studied the
room for the first time. It was nice…very neutral, very male,
and very sterile. “Hmmm,” I commented.
With arms crossed over his chest, he questioned me. I
could tell he was studying my response, like this was some
test. “What do you think?”
“It doesn’t look like you or feel like you. This room is
almost completely devoid of personality and you definitely
are not.” I walked around a bit. “Yeah. We should fix this.”
Then I realized that I was being stupid, insinuating myself
into his life. So I walked back to the door. “Now where to?”
Then I stood and waited for him in the hall without ever
looking back.
The tour continued through the main living areas. He had
a fireplace in the great room that I swear I could have stood
up in. I loved the stone accents everywhere. The travertine
tile was lovely and worked well with the hand scraped
hardwood floors. The house somehow pulled off a rustic
homey look despite the fact that the house I grew up in could
have easily fit in it about ten times.
Finally, we reached his office, the end of the tour. “So,
this is where I will be if you need me. You have my phone
number. And…one little present.” He leaned over his desk
and picked up a big box from his seat. “These are for you,”
he said. “Believe it or not. This is a practical present.”
“Again?” I joked. “Last time it was sneakers. Now what?”
When I pushed back the lid, I found cowboy boots. I stared
at them. My poor toes. Yet, I didn’t want to seem ungrateful.
“Thank you,” I began. “I will treasure them always.”
Chuckling, he said, “That may be true, but more
importantly, when you are walking around near the horses
or the vineyards, you will wear them.”
Without thinking, I had stomped my flip-flopped foot.
“Fine, but I won’t like it.” I wore a scowl.
“Well, saving you from potential snake bites will make
me feel better,” he said with the same amount of stubborn I
was exuding.
That changed my mood entirely. “Snakes?”
“Yes.” He nodded. “The same old story. Developments
have ruined their habitats and they are showing up places
they never did before…mean poisonous ones like
rattlesnakes.” He walked over to me, his face the epitome of
concern. Placing his hands on my upper arms, he reminded
me of why he did what he did. “I love you, Sin. I would be
devastated if anything happened to you. Just let me take care
of you. Just do as I ask for your safety. Please.”
“Well, if it means that much to you.” I teased.
“It does.” He leaned in and kissed me.
A girl could get used to this. All of it—the thoughtful and
practical presents, the kisses, and going toe to toe with
someone who fought back. This was love. I was in heaven.
17
So
I found myself walking back up to the bedroom to
change into…cowboy boots. I felt like they wouldn’t look
terrible with the sundress I was already wearing. I also
decided that I would look better dressed practically and
remain cute and alive than cutely dressed and practically
dead. It wasn’t much of a tossup.
The full-length mirror confirmed my suspicion that I had
pulled it off, so I walked back out to my vehicle to grab my
camera case and start on this little photo journey. Once I was
geared up, I knew I wanted to see the horses. In my lifetime,
I had fallen in love with horses again and again. They were
such magnificent creatures. And man, could they run.
As I began to head to the stable, I heard my name being
called. It was George, rushing to catch up to me. He had a
basket in his hand and a set of keys.
“Miss Alysin,” he began when he reached me. “My wife
thought you might want a snack and a few drinks while you
were out taking pictures. I thought you might like to drive.”
He smiled at me then and motioned for me to follow him. We
walked into the garage. There was a sports car, a motorcycle,
an ATV, and…a golf cart.
“Please tell me those keys go to the golf cart!” I said
excitedly.
“Yes, miss,” he responded with a shy smile.
“Excellent thinking, George. I love driving a golf cart.” I
bounded over to the cart. That…bounding…way different
from running. With a girly squee, I sat behind the wheel and
waited.
George passed me the basket, showed me to the built in
cooler, and then handed me the keys. “There’s plenty of gas
in it. Honk the horn when you return, I’ll open the garage for
you.”
“Thank you so much. I love taking pictures, but taking
pictures while driving the golf cart…even better!” Then I
turned the key and backed out of the garage as soon as the
door lifted. With a wave over my shoulder I was on my way.
I made it to the stables so much sooner than I imagined.
When I walked inside, I saw four of the most beautiful horses
I had ever seen. There was a big black stallion, a chestnut
colored one with a white star, a pure white one, and a deep
brown with no star. Yeah, that’s how much I know about
horses. While I might not understand their pedigrees or
heritage or anything, I did recognize a well-kept animal.
These were such beasts. I walked over to one and a groom
came around the corner. We nodded to each other, but didn’t
speak. I simply took pictures of the stallion being brushed
down. There was a closeness between them that I was eager
to capture. One picture I think spoke volumes when the horse
nuzzled against the groom out in the training yard. There
were also several pictures of the horses galloping in the field.
It was beautiful to see, their spirits completely free. They
practically glowed with that joy.
After a few moments, I decided to head back to the golf
cart and drive down to the vineyards. They had seemed so
beautiful from the patio and deck. I needed to know if they
still filled me with that sense of wonder and delight up close.
It shouldn’t have surprised me to find that they did. So, I
took more pictures.
Soon, I discovered the cask room where some special
functions were held from time to time. I walked around the
winery. It seemed as though they had all been warned of my
presence because no one questioned at all why I was
wandering about taking pictures. They barely paid attention
to me, which made it all the easier for me to snap the
spontaneous images that I prided myself on.
Too soon it was time for me to head back to the house. I
hopped on the golf cart and drove back up, admiring the
setting sun over the vineyard. I pulled up to the garage and
beeped as instructed. The door went up and I was pleasantly
surprised to see that Ben was standing there.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, leaping from the cart
as soon as I turned it off. My arms were outstretched to wrap
around his neck and hold him close.
“Well, would you believe I couldn’t concentrate in your
absence? I kept thinking that I should be with you, showing
you around. Then I wondered what you were doing and if you
missed me too.” He looked down at me, a strange sorrow in
his eyes. “Okay, I’m going to stop talking now. I’m such a
sap. I’m in danger of losing my man card.” He chuckled, but
it sounded hollow.
“Let’s have a nice night.” I suggested. “That’s done.
We’re together now. Let’s eat our dinner and I’ll share my
pictures and we’ll take it from there.” I winked at him
suggestively and headed toward the door to the house.
The sound of footsteps behind me let me know that he
was indeed following me. Soon, I had found my way to the
back patio. Ben opened the French door for me and we
walked through. I stopped instantly and slapped a hand over
my mouth in surprise.
Before us was the round patio table, covered in a white
linen tablecloth. There was a hurricane globe protecting a
large pillar candle from the gentle breeze. In tiny vases
around the candle were little clusters or wild flowers. As
soon as we were seated, classical music began to play over
the outdoor speakers, creating the most beautiful setting I’d
ever experienced for a dinner. It wasn’t just the table. The
whole outdoor patio and pool area was primed for this
unnecessary seduction scene because—quite frankly—I had
already been seduced. I was putty in his hands. He could
bend me and mold me at his will. Part of me hated it, but the
rest of me knew that he’d never abuse it, that I was safe with
him.
A moment later, I caught his eyes. “Why are you smirking
at me?” I asked.
“Your eyes,” he said simply.
“What about them?” I asked even as I blinked back the
water pooling in the corners. “I think it’s a bug, hit me right
in the face as soon as I walked out the door.”
“These things seem to happen to you with alarming
frequency,” he joked, but I didn’t see anything funny about
the situation.
Luckily, before an argument erupted, the first course was
delivered. We had fresh summer salads made from spring
mix, candied pecans and strawberries with a strawberry
vinaigrette dressing. I could eat salad at every meal if it
tasted liked that.
The second course was homemade tomato soup that Lucy
announced was made from tomatoes growing in the green
house. I made a mental note to find that and photograph it
too. This soup tasted more like a marinara than any soup I
had ever eaten.
Each course was spectacular…an artistic masterpiece, a
delight to the senses in every respect. Every item on the
menu seemed to have been seasoned with fresh herbs from
the garden or home grown. The wine was paired perfectly.
And dessert was foodgasm worthy—homemade truffles. This
place was a special kind of heaven.
After every course, I found myself complimenting Lucy
and thanking her for her efforts. She didn’t say much, but
there was a sparkle in her eye that hinted she appreciated my
praise. As I looked about, I caught Ben beaming at me.
“What’s that look for?” I asked.
“You are completely unaffected by this, aren’t you?” He
marveled.
Shaking my head in confusion, I said, “I don’t know what
you mean.”
“Simple,” he began as he leaned forward on the table.
“Some women would become all queen of the castle in a
situation like this, ordering Lucy and George about, take
advantage of having servants, and I would have an
opportunity to see their true colors, but not you.”
My head tilted. I wasn’t sure I liked where this was going.
“So, what exactly am I being accused of here?” I asked with
a definite edge to my voice.
“Oh, you are accused of being completely wonderful,” he
murmured as he reached over to grab my left hand. He ran
his thumb over the rings. “I see you haven’t taken them
off,” he commented.
“No, they are beautiful and unique. They were a gift from
you. And they do a fine job of scaring away unwanted
attention.” I studied the rings for a moment. “Yeah, I may
never take them off.”
“I like that idea,” he agreed. He was quiet for a moment,
then squeezed my hand. “Come on. Let’s go.” There was a
twinkle in his eyes that suggested he had just formulated
some new plan.
I couldn’t be concerned about that at the moment. “Did
you do this?” I asked. “Did you have Lucy make this fancy
dinner and have George set the table up like this?” I studied
his face while he answered. While I never completely trusted
words, it was rare that I couldn’t decipher the truth from
someone’s face.
Shaking his head, he replied, “Not at all. They must really
like you. I wasn’t sure how hungry you would be, so I
suggested something light. I guess Lucy knew better.”
Laughing, I said, “I didn’t think I’d be this hungry either,
but this fresh air really has affected my appetite.”
“Really?” he asked suggestively. “All of them?”
Raising an eyebrow, I nodded. “All of them.”
Soon after that, Ben was walking me out past the garage. Off
on the grass, there was a big faded red truck. “This is rusty
truck,” he said by means of introduction. “It was my first
vehicle. I bought it when I was sixteen. My parents would
have been so proud of me. It’s been a great investment. Look,
it’s still running today.” Then to prove it to me, he fished
around in his jeans pocket, pulled out a ring of keys, opened
the door and turned the key in the ignition. The vehicle
roared to life.
Looking at me seriously, Ben said, “I know it’s getting
late, but I’d love it if we could go for a little ride. There’s a
place I’d like to show you.”
Somehow, I doubted I would ever be able to deny this man
anything…except maybe children and he had pretty much
told me on the cruise that they were a non-issue.
“Absolutely,” I said. “Let’s go.”
By the time I had walked around to the other side of the
vehicle, he had the door open for me. I slid in, shut the door,
and hooked my seatbelt. There was something super
comfortable and familiar about riding around in an old
pickup truck. “We’re almost there,” he said as we headed up
a hill. When we reached the top I saw that there was a water
tower there.
Looking to him for approval, I opened the door to the
truck. Stepping outside of it, I glanced about. This was the
perfect place to survey all of his family estate.
“I used to come up here when I was growing up. I’d climb
the water tower and watch over everything. It was one of my
favorite ways to pass the time, the ultimate tree house,” he
said happily. He reached behind the seat and pulled out what
looked to be a huge featherbed. Then walking around to the
back of the truck, he threw it in and spread it out.
I raised an eyebrow. “So, do this often, cowboy?” I asked.
I mean, nothing makes a girl feel more special than to
discover that she is nothing special, just another conquest.
“Not exactly,” he said with a chuckle. “At least…not like
you think.” He smiled as he offered me a hand to help me
into the truck bed. “I used to come out here and look at the
stars…by myself. After a while, I learned it was more
comfortable to do it with some extra layers. I was always
trained to worry about snakes so there was no lying on the
ground in the dark.” He smiled warmly at me. “Feel better
now?” he asked.
“Almost,” I said with a wicked smile. Slowly, I ran my
hand over the crotch of his jeans. His bulge was growing
bigger, harder, the longer I rubbed.
“Are you going to just keep teasing me all night, or are
you going to do something about it?” he asked, his hands
around my waist pulling me closer. One hand slid up my
thigh, under my dress. When he reached my panties, he
moved that patch of lace out of the way and ran a finger back
and forth over my already slick slit.
“Unzip me, please,” he said, in a tone that suggested the
‘please’ was merely a formality. Hastily, I obeyed. As soon as
I pulled down the zipper and opened the top button, his cock
sprang free, already poking out of the boxers.
“So nice,” I said as I leaned over and took him in my
mouth. I was so busy working on pleasing him, that I was
barely aware that he had positioned himself between my
thighs until he wrapped his hands around my thighs and
started licking. I was moaning in delight as we serviced each
other.
Apparently that wasn’t enough for him. “On your knees,”
he growled. I would let him be the alpha any time. He could
run me, just so long as he rammed into me as soon as
possible.
I wasn’t disappointed. He didn’t even bother removing
my thong. Thankfully, he didn’t destroy my thong either. He
moved me until I was on my hands and knees, exposed and
waiting for his attentions. Sliding into me, he leaned over my
back and murmured in my ear while massaging my breast
and taunting my nipple with one hand.
“Baby, I’m going to ram into you so hard that you are
going to scream my name. I’m going to make you so hot that
you are going to beg me to let you come. You will be brought
to the brink so many times that you’ll want to cry in
frustration.”
“I don’t cry,” I interrupted, my voice a mere whimper,
dripping with wanting.
Without another word, he moved his hand slowly down
my body, over my belly, until he came to rest on my clit.
Slowly, he withdrew before slamming into me once more. As
he thrust in and out of me, his hand expertly massaged my
clit. I could feel it growing, bulging, aching. All of my senses
were on over load. Already I didn’t think I could take much
more, but I didn’t want him to know how close I was.
I should have known better. His teeth were grazing my
neck, nipping at my shoulder. I must have made a sound,
shared some tell. He knew.
“Say my name, Sin,” he insisted. “Say my name like you
love me, like you love this, and I’ll let you come.”
I shook my head, wanting to be just a little stubborn, still
determined to hang on to a piece of me before I shattered
completely. “No,” I moaned.
“Okay,” he said. “I guess you just want me to stop.” He
started to withdraw.
Alarmed, I objected. “No, Ben. Let me finish! Please.”
He paused like he was considering it. Soon enough, I felt
him sliding back into me with his throbbing hot cock. His
hand brushed the hair away from my face. I knew that in the
moonlight he would have trouble seeing that it was colored
in shame, but it didn’t matter. Even if he couldn’t see, I
would know.
“Why do you fight me so, Sin?” he asked into my ear as
he picked up his pace once more.
When I didn’t respond, he pulled out, my eyes flew open,
and he flopped me over, onto my back before slamming into
me once more. I threw an arm over my face, but he wasn’t
going to allow that. Pulling my arm from my face, he spoke
to me once more.
“What do you have to lose, baby?” He lay on me now, his
lean and muscular body covering mine. Knotting one hand in
my hair, he forced me to look at him. “Don’t you know how
much I love you? Sin, you are my whole world, my reason for
being. You give me strength and hope. Just…love me,
dammit!”
Staring up at him, I ran one hand along the side of his
face. “Me,” I murmured. “I could lose me, by letting go and
loving you. It scares the hell out of me.” I sighed as I ran my
hand along the stubble on his chin. “Then I stare into those
amazing eyes and I think this man could never hurt me.
That’s when I want to give you my heart…my whole heart.”
All it took was my tongue darting out of my mouth to
moisten my lips and he was on them, kissing me with a
passion that left me reeling. Soon his hips were meeting
mine in a frantic dance. Just as we finished riding out our
orgasms, he spoke. “Ask me,” he murmured into my ear
once the kiss had ended. “Ask me for anything and it’s
yours.”
I knew what I wanted. It was something that I had never
asked for before of any man, of anyone in my life. This was
the first time I felt safe enough to speak the words, this deep
secret desire. Gripping the back of his head so he would
know how serious I was, I said, “Never leave me. Never ever.
Promise me that.”
He paused for a moment too long. He had a stricken look
on his face. He covered it quickly enough. “I will never leave
you of my own volition. How’s that?”
He had agreed. Yet somehow I didn’t feel better.
Somehow, I might have even felt worse. Before I could
question his words, he was beside me, wrapping me in his
embrace. “Look!” he exclaimed. “A shooting star. Make a
wish, Sin.”
Looking at him, I murmured, “I thought I already did.”
18
W aking up in bed alone still surprised me. Sure, I had
years of experience, but historically speaking, I was always
the early riser in the relationship. Then I heard the water
running in the bathroom, so I slipped out from between the
sheets and slid out of the huge four-poster bed. Silently, I
peeked through the door to the bathroom to find that Ben
was taking a shower. What kind of fake wife would I be if I
didn’t offer to wash his back?
Last night we had fallen asleep naked after yet another
round of lovemaking. I nearly shuddered at that thought. I
never would have called it that in the past, but with Ben,
there was no other way to describe it. For us, sex was more
than simply pleasuring our bodies or satisfying a physical
need. When we had sex, it was a way that connected us
emotionally, on a whole new level. I felt stupid even thinking
that way, but the impact it had on me was undeniable. I was
softer now. Jolie would be so proud of me.
Stepping into his steam shower, I pressed my naked body
up against his, making sure not to startle him. That wouldn’t
start our morning off well. He held my arms more tightly
against him. “Good morning, Sin,” he said in a hoarse voice.
“I hope you had a nice night, just like you wanted.” His eyes
had that teasing look I had grown so accustomed to, the one
that set my heart to fluttering because I loved to play with
that man.
“As usual, you surpassed my expectations.” Then before
he could say anything else, I began to stroke his semi erect
penis.
Inhaling sharply, he added, “And I see you’ve decided to
start our morning off right.”
“You know it,” I said as I dropped to a squat and began to
lick and suck on his now erect dick. I could tell that he had
already washed up. There were no lingering flavors from last
night. For that, I was eternally grateful.
“Up,” he said as he hauled me up into his arms. “I want
you so badly.” My chin jutted out. “So take me. I’m yours.”
With that, he pressed me up against the wet marble tile.
Seconds later I felt his cock probing around to find my eager
opening. I braced myself against the wall with my hands. Ben
made good use of his hands, massaging my breasts, tugging
on my nipples, stroking all around my clit. Thank God for the
water, since I was absolutely on fire. Thank God for Ben for
anchoring me in the moment. I swear I felt like I was going
up in steam.
After the shower, I was ready to refuel, so I headed straight
for the kitchen as soon as I was dressed. “Good morning,
Lucy!” I exclaimed when I saw her in the kitchen. “I thought
I’d just grab a hot tea. Don’t mind me. I’ll try to stay out of
your way if you just point me in the direction of the mugs.”
“Oh, I’ll get it for you, miss!” she said vehemently.
“Please call me Sin. And I am not at all accustomed to
being waited on. I’m sure you have more important things to
do,” I said honestly.
She looked skeptical. “We rarely have company…Sin. And
you are too kind to ever be a burden.”
With that she shooed me out to the patio. There I found
the table already set and mini chafing dishes lined up along a
table on the side of the patio. I’m not a huge breakfast eater
when I have to make it, so these weeks of traveling have
thoroughly spoiled me. I found scrambled eggs, fruit salad,
and ham steaks. Then there was a basket of breads and
bagels. I was in breakfast heaven.
Sitting at the table, I didn’t know whether or not I’d be
eating alone or if Ben would be joining me. As soon as I had
toasted and buttered my bagel, I had my answer. Walking
through the door, he smiled at me as he passed me a huge
mug of tea. “This is from Lucy. She asked me to bring it to
you on my way.” He smiled at me. “How is breakfast?”
“It’s wonderful. Will you be joining me?” I asked with a
smile.
“I figured I better. I need my Sin fix before I get to work.”
He smiled weakly.
“I thought you had your Sin fix in the shower.” I teased.
And when he didn’t react, I asked, “What’s wrong?” His face
concerned me.
“I just feel badly. Working. Again.” He frowned. “I’ll try
to be done by lunch. Would you like to meet me at the
winery?”
“I’d love to! Just stop worrying about me. I have work to
do. The SD card needs to be loaded on the laptop. I have to
check my emails, submit my pictures for approval, and
maybe take more pictures.” I sighed at the thought of all the
work I had backed up. “I will be plenty busy for the next four
or five hours.”
“Okay, that makes me feel better. Ask George for
directions if you need them. Or maybe he could drive you
down and you could ride back with me on the golf cart.” He
grinned and took a healthy sip of coffee. “I know how you
love the golf cart.” Glancing at his watch he frowned. “Well,
this morning certainly managed to get away from me. It
could be that I took a much longer shower than normal.” He
winked. “See you in a few hours.” With a kiss to my cheek
and quick embrace, he headed back into the house to head
down the driveway to the winery.
Just as I promised, I found plenty to do. I began by
running up to our room to collect my laptop from my
computer bag. I hadn’t brought that out in days and I could
only imagine how many emails I had backed up in there. So
while my pictures were loading, I started deleting and
responding to the plethora of emails loading my inbox.
There were a few requests from magazines that I had
worked with previously. While I declined some of the jobs
offered, there were one or two that were perfect for me. The
first one was an opportunity to supply pictures for a series of
articles on Vegas. I clapped my hands together. It seemed
they wanted a road less traveled kind of article and I was just
the girl to supply the pictures. There was a second one, from
a horse magazine that wanted some pictures. I might already
have something that would work after the pictures I took the
other day. I loved offering exclusives. It was so much more
profitable. There was a lot more to it than that, but this was
the gist of it.
So I created a file for some of the pictures that I intended
to sell to the magazines. Then I started organizing the rest
for submission to various sites. The requirements were never
the same. Plus, some sites paid more than others, so I
submitted there first. Some paid less, but had more traffic. It
evened out.
Before I knew it, it was closing in on one in the afternoon.
I rushed down the stairs, making quite the racket in my new
cowboy boots. George heard me coming and was waiting at
the bottom of the stairs. I couldn’t help but giggle.
“Thank you for meeting me. I was hoping you could give
me a ride or directions?” I said sweetly, trying to at least
behave a little bit and not embarrass Ben.
“I can’t leave for a while, but I can give you directions if
you don’t mind driving,” George said politely.
“Absolutely! We can race each other back to the house,” I
joked.
So, armed with directions, I headed out the door and to
the SUV. I had been thinking that I needed a hat to go with
the boots and complete the look. I figured that Ben might
enjoy shopping with me. We could find some cute café to eat
lunch at. He could show me around town. I had it all thought
out. He loved it when I was assertive.
Walking into the winery, I had my camera at the ready to
snap more pictures. I saw the conference room on the other
side of the cask room. It was wrapped in windows. Ben was
in there. That made my heart smile instantly. Then a really
attractive blonde walked into the room. She looked like she
was upset with him, but he seemed to silence her with a peck
on the cheek and a hug. He wrapped an arm around her
shoulder and started walking her out of the room.
I was super far away still. It seemed rude to call out to
him, so I just kept my same casual pace, kept walking toward
the conference room. Then they stepped outside the door.
“I can’t lose you!” she cried. “Do you not understand that
I would be completely lost without you? I don’t know how to
do this!” There were tears streaming down her face. She
threw herself into Ben’s arms and was crying on his chest.
He was comforting her.
My throat began to constrict. I was having trouble
breathing. Who was this woman that he was comforting?
Could it be an old girlfriend? Someone who still wanted to be
his girlfriend? The possibilities were endless. My patience
was not.
Slowly, I made my way over to them. Ben spotted me first.
Smiling, he released the woman who had looked so at ease in
his arms. My heart hurt. My mind was reeling. I didn’t
understand. At the same time, I wanted to believe there was
a logical relationship between the two. After all, he hadn’t
behaved in a guilty manner. He wasn’t sputtering and
struggling to explain. He wasn’t Kyle. And this…some
woman crying in Ben’s arms…was a far cry from Kyle
screwing his secretary on the conference table.
My pace slowed. Time stood still. They spoke some more.
The woman was growing louder, more frantic.
“You’re dying and you’ve given up!” she yelled as she
pounded on his chest. “You think I don’t know why you left?
You think I don’t know what’s going on in your head? Who
could possibly know you better than I do?”
“Calm down. Please stop. You know how much men hate
over emotional women,” he said gently.
“How can I calm down when you are running yourself
into the ground? You are all I have left!” Her sobs resounded
throughout the room.
He gave her a wry look. “Seriously. I’m all you have left.
Stop.” He sighed in frustration. “And I’m not running myself
into the ground.” He looked down and pushed her back
some. “I’m not trying to kill myself. We both know the
prognosis is grim. I think I’m holding up pretty well.”
“You quit. You gave up. It doesn’t have to be like this!”
She looked up at him while tears streamed down her face,
taking lots of mascara with them.
“I can’t keep going on like that.” His frown deepened. “I
can’t keep playing human guinea pig, draining the family till
on the remote possibility that I might get a miracle. Why
can’t you understand that I just want to enjoy my time, what
little I may have left? Just let me live while I’m dying. Is that
so much to ask?”
My heart. At least I think it was my heart. There was this
wide, open ache in my chest like a cannon ball had plowed
through it. My head was pounding as I tried to process it all.
There was a strange attractive blonde woman clinging to the
man I love, who professed to love me back. There were
claims that he was dying. There…there was something wrong
here…really really wrong here.
I took a few more tentative steps. My cowboy boots
echoed throughout the room this time since the distance
between us had shrunk so significantly and there was a break
in their conversation. Ben looked up again and saw the look
on my face. I’m guessing that he realized what I must have
heard because he suddenly pulled away from this woman…
this woman who was entirely too comfortable in his arms.
Standing there frozen in place, I didn’t know what to do.
What was I supposed to say in response to a conversation I
clearly wasn’t meant to hear?
“You wanted me to meet you for lunch,” I said quietly.
While I spoke I had turned myself around. I was facing the
direction I came from. My SUV was out there. I could leave. I
wanted to leave.
“Don’t, Sin,” Ben said quietly. When I turned back at the
sound of his voice, I saw that all the color had drained from
his face. He had peeled the blonde off and was starting
toward me, slowly, with one hand outstretched as though I
was some wild animal he was trying to tame.
He had tamed me all right. Look at me now. I was
completely broken…if it was true. “Who is she?” I asked as I
slowly back away, keeping the distance between us. I didn’t
trust myself to make the right choices in his arms.
“This is my twin sister, Brenda,” he said evenly. He took
a step forward and I stepped back. He paused as he
continued. “I told you about her. I told you we work together.
It’s a family business. Remember?”
Backing up another step, I responded with a nod. “Yes, I
remember.”
Ben was trying to close in, taking steps larger than mine.
“I wouldn’t cheat on you, Sin. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt
you,” he said in a pleading tone.
This time, I didn’t take a step. Inside, I remembered my
promise to Jolie. I was not going to take another step until I
had the answer to that burning question. I was trying so
hard. It hurt. I hurt.
“Are you dying?” I asked not much louder than a whisper.
My hands were clasped in front of my chest as I awaited his
response.
His head dropped. I watched and waited as he took a deep
breath. “I don’t know how to answer that,” he said slowly. “I
mean, we’re all dying.” He shrugged.
Suddenly, I was so very cold. I no longer needed his
answer, but I wanted it. I wanted to make him say it, make
him see how selfish he was for making me fall in love with
him. I wanted him to understand how mean he was to lead
me on and let me believe we could have a future. I needed
him to know that he had done something no one ever had,
something no one else had ever had the power to do, since he
was the only one who had ever had my heart.
It was too much. I started blinking rapidly. “Do you never
dust in here?” I complained loudly as I began wiping away at
my eyes. I even took one step closer to him. “Yes, we are all
dying,” I agreed. “But are you dying more quickly and
definitively than others?” My mouth was dry. My heart was
beating so rapidly I thought it would just rupture. How long
could it possibly keep up that pace while I heard my pulse
pounding in my ears?
He reached out to me then, a teary look in his own eyes.
“Yes,” he said simply. He shrugged.
“How could you?” I managed to ask through chattering
teeth. “How could you let me love you?” I stepped back once,
twice, then turned and ran.
By the time I reached the SUV, he was right behind me. He
wasn’t able to stop my vehicle, so instead he hopped in the
golf cart. It wasn’t much of a race: SUV versus golf cart. I
made it to the house long before he did.
Choking back sobs, I burst through the door, raced up the
steps to the bedroom, and hauled out my suitcase. I made
short work of packing. I’d only been here twenty-four hours.
I gathered my toiletries from the bathroom. I collected my
dirty clothes in their neat pile on a chair in his room. As I
walked around from the bathroom tile to the bedroom
hardwoods, the clatter of the boots annoyed me. They were a
reminder of a man I would need to forget, a life I lost the
opportunity to have, and a place I should have never visited.
Tugging them off my feet, I left them on the floor of the
bedroom, grabbed my flip-flops, and slid them on my feet
instead.
Grabbing my bags, I headed back down the stairs and
began to load them into the back of the car. That was when
Ben pulled up on the golf cart. He looked as broken as I felt.
“Sin,” he said as he came toward me with arms
outstretched.
I stepped back. “Don’t. Just…don’t,” I pleaded.
“I never meant to hurt you,” he managed. “When we
met…it was just supposed to be a week. It was the perfect last
hurrah. No names. No contact information. Only, you are so
incredible, how could I not fall in love?”
There were rivers suddenly streaming down my face. I
opened my mouth to explain, but he interrupted me.
“I know, baby, I get it. It’s the sun.” He reached out to
brush them away. And I forgot to stop him. I needed his
touch like flowers need the sun. “See, I had Acute
Lymphoblastic Leukemia, ALA,” he explained.
“Had? That’s good, right?” I wanted that glimmer of
hope so badly.
He nodded, but there was no hope on his face. “I was sick
for years…many many years. I didn’t get to do what most
kids did. I was fragile. No horseback riding. I didn’t
vacation…too many foreign germs. I didn’t do much of
anything.” He sighed at his memories.
“Had!” I reminded him.
“Yes. So, I fought it for years. I fought it at first because
my parents wanted me to make it. Then I fought because
after my parents died, my sister would be left alone.
Eventually I won. The ALA is in remission.” He tucked my
hair behind my ear.
“Remission is good.” I still was looking for that chance.
“Years of chemo and radiation left me sterile,” he
admitted.
My eyes widened as I remembered. “This is why you said
we didn’t need protection? This is why you said I wouldn’t be
the one to kill you?” I rubbed my temples to ease the
pounding.
“Yes. It appears my heart is going to get me first,” Ben
said sadly. “It’s another side effect of the treatment.”
“There must be something that can be done. Some new
drug to try?” I buried my face in his chest. I listened, but to
my untrained ear, his heart seemed just fine. At the moment,
I was more concerned with mine.
“I’m worn out, Sin. I don’t have any fight left in me. You
heard the discussion with my sister. I just can’t…” His voice
trailed off.
That’s when I backed away again. I reached up and shut
the big cargo door of the SUV. I walked over to the driver’s
side and opened the driver’s side. That foreign liquid was
spilling down my face again.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
I shook my head. “You can’t ask me to stay here and
watch you die. How can you ask me to do that?”
“But Sin…I love you,” he moaned.
A sob escaped the strict confines of my throat. Oh how I
hurt, ached. Hopping in the SUV, I shut the door and drove
away. I loved him, too, but I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t. I
wasn’t strong enough. I never had been. There had never
been anything in my life worth staying for, worth risking
pain and rejection, worth being suddenly alone not on my
terms.
I couldn’t see to drive. My eyes were so messed up. I
pulled over. I jumped out of the vehicle. I had made it all of
fifty feet from the end of that ridiculously long driveway. I
paced. I screamed. I shook my fist at the sky. Finally, I was
worn out and completely broken.
That’s when I called Jolie. To my surprise, she answered.
“Hey, bitch!” she yelled. “How are you?” She sounded
more happy and at ease than I had heard her sound in quite
some time. That was what I needed.
“Where are you? I need an address for the GPS,” I said,
doing my best to sound perky and hide the fact that I had a
nose full of snot that needed to be blown.
“I’m in San Francisco. I told you!” she said with a laugh.
“Well, it’s a mighty big city. How will I find you?” I asked
with a chuckle.
There was a pause before she responded. “You won’t,”
she said seriously. “You have a life to build with Ben.” She
was quiet a moment. “Where is Ben? What happened, Sin?”
Then her voice turned more accusing. “You said you’d try!”
she shouted into the phone.
Immediately, I was on the defensive. “I did, dammit. I
tried my best. I tried and now he’s dying. I’m not built for
this. I can’t stay. He lied to me!” I tried to rally her to my
side, sway her opinion. I felt like an ass at the moment.
“Turn the car around, Sin. I told you. I’m not moving.”
She sounded determined. I could picture her standing with
her arms crossed over her chest like I had seen her do so
many times before.
“I’m not asking you to move,” I said smoothly. “You
want to stay, we’ll stay. We’re working on your terms now.
You can be our compass. It will be the Jolie show. Promise.”
“No, Sin.” She sounded serious, firm. Then her voice
softened. “I know you are scared. You love this man. I know
you do.”
That’s when my tears started again. “No, I don’t. How can
I love someone who lied to me, who withheld important
information? How can I trust him?”
“Oh. My. God!” she yelled into the phone. “This isn’t
about trust. This is because you don’t want him to leave
you.” She sighed. “This is what you’ve worked so hard to
evade your entire adult life!” She took a deep breath. “Your
father left. All of your mom’s boyfriends through the years
left. I get that you don’t want to get attached to someone and
just lose him.” I could hear her pacing now, her pumps
clicking on the floor. “You have very neatly avoided that,
always choosing losers who you could just run from. That
isn’t Ben! He isn’t a loser! He isn’t someone to run from.
He’s someone worth sticking around for.” She cried out for a
moment in sheer frustration.
“Sin,” she said, seriously. “If you desert Ben when he
needs you most, you are going to regret it. You will never
recover from this. And I will never forgive you for being such
a selfish little bitch.”
“What?” Her words shocked me. “How am I being a
selfish bitch in this scenario?”
“Life is scary and uncomfortable and messy. Get over it.
You will hurt. It happens.” She took a breath. “The reality is
that this man is made for you. We don’t know how long we
have. You could die tomorrow. Wouldn’t you want Ben to be
there?” she asked in a low soothing voice. “Wouldn’t you
want to share every possible minute with the one you love?”
Now it was my turn to be silent. The chick made some
valid points. “So, I need to turn around,” I said slowly, still
trying to process what I was in for.
“Yes, dammit. Turn around.” She was ready to yell at me,
I could feel it.
“Okay,” I said. “I’ll turn.” I laughed, but I was scared as
hell. Jolie had convinced me to go back, but what if it was too
late? What if he couldn’t forgive me?
It was getting more and more difficult to hear Jolie while
standing outside the vehicle. The traffic sounds had
increased. More cars were flying by on this main road. And
there was the sound of an approaching siren. It was
bordering on the ridiculous. So, I hopped back in my vehicle
to create at least a little buffer from all that noise and I
started the engine because it was absolutely stifling without
the air conditioning running.
“Great. My little girl is growing up!” Jolie exclaimed. “I’m
thrilled for you. Now, I have a meeting to go to. Hang in
there. Drop me a text,” she mumbled. Then the call ended.
Jolie was clearly frustrated with me. I was frustrated with
me. I just needed a minute to think, a few minutes to plan
what I would say. This was going to be the most important
discussion of my life. As soon as the siren passed, I’d make
that U-turn. I smiled. Not everyone had a chance to turn
their life around, to make better choices. It was true that I
hadn’t looked back when I left, but it was also true that I
barely made it past the driveway. Hell, I could see it from
where I was sitting.
From my vantage point, it looked like there was an
ambulance heading down the driveway. Suddenly, my fear
over finding the right words had passed only to be replaced
by my fear that I wouldn’t get a chance to speak to him ever
again. My heart hurt even more. In my head I could hear a
voice screaming not Ben. Not BEN. Please, anything but Ben.
I threw the car in gear and made a rapid U-turn, narrowly
missing a car headed my way. None of that mattered now…
not what I was going to say, not the fear of saying the wrong
thing. All that mattered was getting back to Ben.
The driveway seemed even longer than normal. The sky
seemed unnaturally bright and pretty at a moment when my
life was surely falling apart. Sure enough, when I reached the
house, the ambulance had pulled up where my SUV used to
be and though the siren was off, the lights were on. As I
slammed the vehicle into park, I realized that Ben was on the
ground, completely motionless, right where I left him. Just
when I thought I couldn’t hurt any more than I already did, I
discovered yet again how wrong I was.
19
B renda
was there, glaring me down and sobbing
uncontrollably. George and Lucy were clinging to each other,
unsure of how to behave toward me. And Ben just lay there
on the concrete while the medics worked on him. His eyes
were closed. I could tell that his breathing was shallow.
I listened as the medics spoke to one another, shouting all
the necessary numbers, his BP, which was low, his pulse,
also low. They turned to me for information on his condition
and I was shamed once more, having to admit I didn’t have
any. His sister gave me a smug look as she expertly
responded to the questions.
They prepared to load him into the ambulance. “I’m
riding with him,” she insisted. She moved to try to block me
and climb in.
Tapping her on the shoulder, I held up my hand. “Well,
I’m his wife. I’m pretty sure wife trumps sister every time.”
I held out my right hand so the medic could help me up
into the ambulance. When I was seated on the bench, I
turned to her. “Brenda, I’ll see you at the hospital.” I took a
deep breath. “Ben is lucky to have a sister who loves him so
much. I’m an only child.”
“Ladies, we have to go,” the driver said as he waited to
close the doors.
I nodded. The doors slammed shut, and I could see her
face as we drove off. She was crushed, for sure, scared, and
hurt. Yup, that would make us the twins at the moment.
Turning to concentrate on Ben, I reached over and held
his hand. There was an IV in it, so I moved carefully. The
medic was monitoring his stats and calling them in to the
hospital. I took care to ensure I stayed out of his way, but I
really needed to talk to this guy lying on the gurney who had
my heart.
“You silly man,” I said quietly. “We had one tiny
disagreement. Just one. And of the two of us, you had to be
the drama queen? Why couldn’t you just yell or break shit
like other men? Then you’d only have to apologize and
replace things. Instead, you go for my heart.”
I took a few breaths to calm myself. It’s almost
impossible to be in the back of an ambulance and have happy
thoughts. Almost. I was determined to do it, however.
“I’m not through with you, Benjamin Everly. You don’t
get to play the sick card to get away with your deception.
Nope. You have a lot of making up to do.” My head dropped. I
wasn’t going to cry. I don’t cry. I wouldn’t cry now. Time to
be strong.
“I suppose you’ll want flowers,” Ben mumbled.
My head shot up and met his face. His eyes were slits. I
looked at the medic to see if it was okay to speak to him, to
potentially get him riled up. The medic nodded.
“Nope. I hate flowers. They remind me of funerals when
they aren’t signaling the death of a relationship.” I shook my
head and squeezed his hand.
“Then I supposed you’ll want a Kobe Bryant I’m Sorry
Diamond,” he joked.
“Pass. I’m a photographer. It’s not practical. It’s hard to
work when I’m dripping with jewels.” I smirked at him.
“Then dammit, Sin, what do you want?” He was
pretending to be frustrated. I would recognize that playful
look anywhere.
“You,” I murmured as I kissed his hand. “I just want you
for as long as we have. And it would be a lot longer, too, if
you weren’t so freakin’ emotional.” I winked at him.
“I want you too. Now let me be, wife,” he whispered.
Then he fell asleep. At least I hoped he was asleep. I looked at
the medic filled with concern.
“He’s just resting, ma’am. I will admit that his vitals
started improving the minute you arrived. It’s like you gave
him the will to live, to fight.” He smiled at me.
“Eh, I just give him someone to fight with,” I said with a
shrug. I looked down at Ben’s hand in mine. This was the
first time he had ever looked weak or feeble to me.
During the ride to the hospital, I had racked my brain for all
the signs I had missed, the little details that had escaped me.
I recalled how he napped a lot, but I thought that was just a
guy thing. They work hard, play hard, and sleep hard. I
thought about the times he was out of breath, but I honestly
thought the Grand Canyon was more about the elevation
change than an actual problem. I felt so out of touch. I was
the worst fake wife ever.
At the hospital, they immediately put him in a room to
assess him. “I’m going to have to remember this,” I joked
with Ben. “I need to come in claiming heart problems. Then I
get VIP treatment.”
“VIP all the way, baby,” he agreed.
Soon he was sent to Radiology for a CT scan. They did an
EKG. And a battery of tests were ordered for the very next
day. Finally, the doctor came in to speak with us.
“Well, with your medical history, we’re going to keep you
here overnight,” he said.
“I’ll let Brenda know,” I said. I had been responsible for
everything he came to the hospital with since they stripped
and changed him into the hospital gown. Reaching into the
plastic hospital bag of his belongings, I pulled out his phone.
“Don’t worry her,” he said. “I’ve put her through a lot
our whole life.” He looked sad at the revelation. “It must
have been very difficult having a sibling as sick as I was, let
alone a twin. I needed more time and attention. She…ran off
and married…badly…very young because of it. Since then,
she’s come to her senses and we’re really close.” He sighed
as he stared at me. “She will love you. I know she will. First,
we just have to work on a proper introduction.”
Walking over to him, I wrapped my arms around his neck
and pulled his head over until it rested on my chest. “You
call her. We are off to a terrible start. I think she’ll feel better
if she speaks to you.”
“Wise beyond your years,” he commented. “Pass me the
phone.”
I listened as he spoke to her. Apparently, she was in the
waiting area. I asked if she could come back, but was told
that they only allowed one visitor per patient in the ER. I
frowned for a moment. “Well, what if I leave to go get food
and a drink. She can stay with you and I’ll give her half an
hour alone with you. Is that reasonable?” It was a struggle to
give her that much time. I didn’t want to leave him at all. It
was a pretty huge change considering hours before I had run
away.
Ben gazed at me with those amazing eyes. “Are you
hungry?” he asked. Biting my lip,
I shook my head. “Not really. At all.” I gave him a wary
smile.
“So you would just be doing this for Brenda?” he asked.
“No. I’d be doing it for you. I love you. And it’s the right
thing to do.” I gripped his hand more tightly. “If it weren’t
for me, she’d be the one back here with you. Now here I am,
stealing her spot.” I shrugged.
“You are an incredible woman, Sin.” He smiled at me. “I
hope you know how much I appreciate you.”
“I have an idea,” I said as I released him and began the
walk to the door. “Just to be certain, I’ll let you show me just
as soon as the doctor allows it.” With that, I walked out of
the door and went to meet Brenda in the waiting room. It
was a short walk and gave me very little time to consider
what I might say to her. In the short time we’d known of
each other, I had found her sobbing in Ben’s arms, and taken
her place in the ambulance. I’d call that a rocky start at best.
Brenda stood the moment she saw me come through the
door. I think that she considered brushing past me at first. In
her eyes, the same blue eyes that Ben has, I realized that she
didn’t know what to say to me either.
“Can we talk for a moment?” I asked gently.
She nodded stiffly. “I’m not sure what we have to talk
about, but that’s okay.” She sat down in the nearest chair
and I carefully sat across from her.
“I’m not trying to steal Ben away from you,” I said. “Up
until a week and a half ago, I didn’t even know him. Up until
a few days ago, I didn’t know his name.” I smiled at the
memory. “Your brother is an amazing man, so loving, so
generous.”
Her eyebrows shot up then. “I figured as much,” she said,
her lips tight.
“Oh, do you think I want him for his money?” I laughed.
She narrowed her eyes at me. “What should I think?” She
looked about and leaned in. “Wouldn’t you find it suspicious
that some strange attractive young woman appears when
your brother is dying? Wouldn’t you wonder if she was
around for the payout?”
I shrugged. “I suppose I would. And I realize there is
nothing I can say to convince you otherwise, but I hope that
over time you will see that I don’t care about money. I have
no designs on a fancy house. If I wanted one, I’d buy it
myself.” I stood because Ben had been alone long enough. I
wasn’t going to say anything else. Then I thought of one
more thing…the most honest thing I could say.
“Did you ever see that last Terminator movie?” I asked
Brenda. “You know, the one with Sam Worthington? My best
friend, Jolie, dragged me to that movie.” I laughed,
remembering. It was difficult to tell from Brenda’s reaction
if she was familiar with it, but I pressed on. “There’s this
scene at the end of the movie where he gives Christian Bale
his heart. I never understood that part until now.” I shook
my head a moment. “All I know is that I’d give Ben my heart
if it would help him live. Without him, my heart is the most
useless piece of me.” I didn’t know what else to say. “I’ll see
you in thirty minutes.” Then I headed to the cafeteria.
At first, I thought I wanted alone time. I thought I wanted
time to process and think everything through. All I could
think was so this is love. No wonder my mother warned me
against it so frequently.
That thought hurt. Everything about today hurt. So, I
called Jolie. Maybe she would be done with her meeting.
Maybe she would have time to talk to me. The phone barely
rang before she answered it.
“What’s up, girl?” she asked, but she sounded tired.
“When I went back, an ambulance was there. Ben
collapsed.” I took a deep breath and Jolie snuck in during
that pause.
“Gah! Is he okay? You sound too together for him to have
died!” Jolie sounded frantic now.
“Jolie, he has to stay in the hospital overnight at least.
There will be more tests in the morning. And after that, I’m
not sure what will happen. I’ve told everyone I’m his wife
and I’m staying, including his sister.” I hiccupped then. It
was a nice alternative to crying.
“Oh, Sin,” she said sadly. “I’m so sorry. I should be done
with these meetings in another day or two. If you say the
word, I’ll drop everything and be there for you both. You
know this.”
“I know. Thank you for that. Stay there for now, but
please take my calls if you can. I’ll drop you texts, too, if you
don’t mind.” I hiccupped again. “I’ve never been so scared
my whole life. Who knew my mother could be so right about
love?”
That last part angered her for some reason. “Your mother
is completely wrong about love. You need to talk to her,
confront her.”
“Be nice to my mom. She’s had a hard time since Dad
abandoned her.” I reminded Jolie.
“I wasn’t going to tell you, but I can’t let her keep
perpetuating this lie. It’s not my place,” she grumbled. “I’ve
been keeping this secret since graduation. I kept waiting for
you to bring it up, but you never bring anything up. You just
push things away.” She sighed angrily.
“What isn’t? You are my best friend, Jolie. You are the
sister I never had. I chose you. You chose me.” I struggled to
find the words that would explain her importance in my life.
“Sin,” she said gently, “your father didn’t abandon you
or your mother. I know she trained you to think that all men
leave. I know that’s why you hesitate to have a serious
relationship.” She cursed under her breath. “Most of all, I
know that’s why we have spent the last ten years running.”
She sighed loudly. “Your father died. He didn’t leave you in
the middle of the night. He had a massive coronary and died.
I found his obituary. I was trying to find him for you as a
surprise years ago when we first started this journey.” She
was silent for a moment. “Say something.”
“My daddy’s dead?” I asked. The hiccups were stronger.
“I have spent years hating him…and the whole time he was
dead.” It was everything all at once, a barrage of emotions. It
was too much. “I’m going to have to let you go, Jolie. I don’t
know what to say to you right now. I’m hurt.” I sniffled
some. “You didn’t trust me enough to tell me the truth. I
love you. I’m so sorry about the last ten years.” Then I ended
the call before she could say anything to make me feel worse.
That was a lot to take in. I wasn’t about to suffer through
it alone. My stomach started hurting before I even picked the
number from my contacts. As soon as she answered, I was on
her.
“Mom, is it possible that Dad didn’t leave us willingly?” I
asked sarcastically.
“Who is this?” she growled into the phone.
“Jesus, Mother! I’m an only child, unless that was a lie
too. How many people call you ‘Mom’?” I shouted into the
phone. Then I remembered that I was in the crowded
hospital cafeteria and not the comfort and privacy of my
SUV. That is so easy to forget with a cell phone.
“Oh, Alysin,” she said. “You woke me from a nap.”
“Well, I don’t want to keep you,” I said evenly. “So, I’m
going to get right to the point. Did Daddy die? Have you lied
to me all these years and had me hating a man who never did
us wrong?”
I could hear her breathing hard on the other end of the
phone, desperately trying to figure out what to say, what to
do to calm me down. Most of all, I could hear her guilt.
“Well, that answers that,” I remarked. “Goodbye, Mother.”
Then I ended the call.
There was only one thing that could salvage the rest of
my day. I just wanted to curl up with Ben, and he was the
sick one. I had to be strong. So, I decided to eat my emotions.
I bought a cupcake and a soda before I headed back to the ER.
“Babe,” he said simply when he saw me. Then he opened his
arms. I set my stuff down on his tray, took two more steps
and walked right into the hug I needed. “I missed you,” he
murmured into my hair.
“I came back as quickly as I could,” I said. “In that period
of time, I managed to reconcile with Jolie and break up with
my mother.” I sighed.
“Did you and Jolie have a falling out?” he asked, looking
worried.
“No, but she was very disappointed in me when she
thought that I was going to run,” I said as I hung my head in
shame at that memory.
Looking at me, I could tell he knew precisely what I was
feeling. “You’re here now. Are you here to stay?” he asked
hopefully.
“Absolutely. No turning back now.” I sat on the side of
the gurney beside him. “I have to tell you…I’ve learned a lot
about myself today. I’ll get into it when you are feeling
better.”
He gripped my thigh. “You are in luck! I feel better when
you are distracting me. Tell me what you have learned
Enlightened One.” He teased.
I gave him a slight smile. Finding out my father died had
been a crushing blow. Discovering that one lie had shaped
my life had me questioning everything.
“My father is dead,” I said quietly. Ben said nothing. He
simply lay there and waited for me to finish explaining. “I
woke up one morning and he was gone. I was about five. And
my mother told me he left us.” I swallowed hard. “I based
my whole life on a lie. I thought that all men leave. Daddy
had, all her boyfriends did. I never really trusted after that. I
expected disappointment. I built a nomadic lifestyle so that I
would never get left, never be hurt like my father hurt us.”
My throat constricted. It was getting more difficult to speak.
“Worse, I hated a man who never harmed us in any way, a
man who should have been honored, loved, respected, and
mourned.”
“Oh, Sin,” Ben said. “I hurt for you.” He grabbed me and
hugged me close. “I am sorry about your past. Let me love
you through this. Let’s build our best possible future.”
Nodding against his chest, I knew no words were
necessary. I loved Ben. I loved everything about him. I loved
that he didn’t make empty promises, that he knew how to
love me, and that he forgave me my many flaws. I would do
anything for this man.
Just then a nurse walked in. “Well, I hope you aren’t
doing anything that will mess with your blood pressure,” she
joked when she saw me in his arms.
I sat up slowly then. I knew she needed to work with him.
I also knew it was hard for me to let go, to give him space,
when all I wanted was to keep him close and safe.
When I slipped off the gurney, I happened to look up and
see that Brenda was standing in the hall. Ben’s eyes were
closed. I knew he had to be worn out. “Ben, just rest. I’m
going to go out in the hall for a moment.”
He squeezed my hand and mumbled something
indecipherable as I walked to the door. When I reached his
sister, I gave her a weak smile. “He’s doing okay for now.
Nothing has changed. We’ll see what tomorrow’s test results
show.” I shrugged, unsure of what else to say to her.
“Will you be staying at the estate tonight?” she asked. It
sounded like an innocent enough question, but I could tell
there was a right and wrong answer.
Shaking my head vehemently, I responded, “Absolutely
not. I won’t leave him. I’ll be with him all night. When they
take him for his test, I’ll shower and grab breakfast.
Otherwise I might just as well be his vestigial tail because I
will be connected to his butt non-stop.” I chuckled.
“I’m glad for that,” Brenda said quietly. “I’m glad he has
you.” I looked at her, completely taken aback. “Listen, you
can’t blame me for my concern,” she said by way of
explaining.
“I would be more worried if you didn’t question. Just
know I will never hurt him again.” I swallowed hard at what
I was about to say. “I was scared. I just found him and I don’t
want to lose him.” I crossed my arms over my body tightly
and looked down. I have a terrible time admitting my
weaknesses.
“I understand,” Brenda said. “I can see how much you
love each other.”
At first, it seemed like she was going to say more, but the
nurse exited the room then. “He’s asking for you,” she said.
“He keeps saying he needs his wife.” She smiled at me.
“We’ll talk more,” I assured Brenda. “I just need to be
there for him.”
“Of course, I just wondered if I could get you anything?”
She offered.
I pondered the idea. “I would love a change of clothes. I
can’t imagine not having pajamas in here or clean
underwear.” Then I chuckled. “I just realized I don’t own
any pajamas. Don’t bother looking for any of those, but if
Ben has a big T-shirt lying around, I’d love to use one to
sleep in.”
All of a sudden, Brenda hugged me close. “Thank you,”
she said. “Thank you for being here for him. I know I said it
before, but really…I’m so glad he has you.” She sighed and
let me go. “I’ll bring you some things in a few hours. Okay?”
I nodded. “I really appreciate that.”
When Brenda returned, she brought me clothes and toiletries
as well as a care package from Lucy and George. By then we
had been moved to a room in the cardiac care wing of the
hospital. One of the nurses had pulled me aside when we
arrived in our room.
“Just so you know,” she said, “we don’t let people sleep
in the CCU. If he gets moved off the floor, you have to go.”
I could tell she was tough and used to bullying people. It
just so happened I was used to dealing with bullies. “Just so
you know, if he gets moved, I’ll go with him and I’ll just stay
awake.” I raised my eyebrow and urged her to argue with me.
Instead, she smirked.
“I like you,” she said. “You’ve got spunk.”
“Well, I like you too,” I said. “You’ve got attitude.” Then I
winked at her and returned to Ben’s bedside.
Due to the meds, he was in and out. I knew he needed the
rest, so I mostly left him alone. After visiting hours, I finally
changed into one of his big old T-shirts that Brenda had
brought me. After his nine at night vitals, I hopped into bed
with him. It was no small task. I had to sneak in between his
body and the side railing of the bed. I had to relocate his IV
tubing and watch out for his blood pressure cuff that was set
to automatically inflate every thirty minutes. With careful
planning, I finally managed to get comfortable enough to
rest.
“What are you doing?” he asked with a huge grin. “I’m
sleeping with you,” I announced.
He laughed. “Somehow, I doubt this is allowed.” Even as
he said those words, he snuggled into me and wrapped
himself around me as much as he could with all his tubes
and wires.
“Somehow, I doubt they could stop me,” I murmured into
his chest. With that, we fell asleep.
20
M orning came early in our cozy little hospital room. We
had woken up every time that the nurse came in to check his
vitals overnight. At 6am we finally just gave up and stayed
awake. I took a quick shower because I wasn’t sure when the
doctor would arrive and I was determined to speak with him.
Something told me that despite Ben’s disclosure about his
illness, he wasn’t going to be quick to reveal any of the
necessary details. I would have to get those directly from a
medical professional.
Sure enough when I came out of the bathroom fully
dressed, the doctor was there. Yeah, he told me his name
three times, but honestly…I didn’t care. I’m horrible with
names. It didn’t matter to me as much as the diagnosis and
the prospective outcome. I smiled and then realized that he
was done with his rounds and was heading out the door.
“Wait!” I yelled. “What’s going on?”
The doctor stopped and turned. “Oh, and you are?” he
asked.
I’ve watched television. I know how things work at the
hospital. They wouldn’t just give details out to just anyone. It
was obvious Ben was about to speak, but I cut him off. “I’m
his wife,” I responded.
The doctor looked at Ben as he lay there in his bed for
verification. Once Ben nodded, he looked to me once more,
but before he could speak, my fake husband jumped in.
“Why don’t we let the doctor get back to his rounds? I’ll
catch you up,” he said quietly.
“What if I have questions? I’d rather ask the doctor
directly. I need to know you are okay.” That was the truest
thing I had said all morning. Ben understood finally what I
felt, that it was reassurance I was seeking.
“Oh, Sin,” he said, finally waking up, “I’m fine. Really, I
am. It was just a little strain on the heart at the thought of
losing you.” He had this really pretty way of distracting me
that I was onto by now.
Walking over to him, I sat by his side and took his hand in
mine. “I love you, but you had your chance to talk to me
about your condition and you blew it.” I kissed his cheek.
“Now, I’m going to get the answers to my questions from
the nice man in the white coat. He still has credibility.” I
smiled and chuckled.
Looking over at the doctor, I realized he was trying to
hide a smile. He walked over to the chair on the other side of
Ben, sat and said, “Well, Mrs. Everly, what would you like to
know?”
At nine-thirty I was alone in the room, staring out the
window while trying to work on my laptop. They had a really
cool window seat that was supposed to double as a twin bed
had I not opted to share with Ben. I kept looking at my
phone, a combination of checking the time and hoping that
maybe just maybe Jolie would contact me. We had never been
apart for so long, so out of touch. We had never ever had a
disagreement like this before.
I trembled some when I considered how close I had come
to losing everyone I loved in one foul swoop the day before.
What if I had broken up with Jolie after she revealed her
deception? What if Ben hadn’t been revived? My stomach
hurt thinking about it. Being sedentary so long in his
absence had me stiff and ill at ease. I stood to stretch and
prepared to pace as a method to kill time while Ben was gone
having his stress test.
“You want me to crack your back?” A voice from the door
asked.
Whipping around, I squealed in delight. “Jolie!” Rushing
into her open arms, we hugged each other tightly. “Jolie,” I
said more calmly this time. “Let’s never fight again. There’s
nothing else you are keeping from me, is there?”
“Nothing. I swear it. How are you hanging in there, girl?”
she asked gently. “I’m…struggling,” I said honestly, moving
to sit on the window seat and dragging her along to join me.
“What is it?” she asked. “Just…everything?”
“Yeah.” I sighed. “I mean…the last twenty-four hours
have really tried me, you know?” I looked at her. She looked
different to me, so happy and alive. I wondered if she wasn’t
thinking just the opposite of me.
“Alysin, you look tired,” she said gently. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.” I objected to her taking any blame.
“Well, I’m the one who finally told you the truth of the
situation with your father.” She sighed. “I’ve known for
years, but this just seemed like the most appropriate time to
tell you.”
I could feel my jaw drop slightly. Finally, I asked, “Why
now? Why was this time better than another?”
“Simple,” she said. “You have been influenced for so long
by this lie. I tried to reason it out. Maybe your mom thought
she was saving you the pain of his death, but thinking that
you had been abandoned couldn’t have been better.”
Looking out the window, I considered what she said. She
was right. What my mother had done was so wrong. “I don’t
feel sad…I feel guilty,” I said.
“About your dad?” she asked.
Nodding, I admitted, “Yeah. It was so long ago. All that
gave me was closure. I no longer have to worry about
running into someone who didn’t want me. I feel badly that I
missed out on his funeral, that I never had the chance to say
goodbye, but…it’s not like I suddenly am in mourning.” I
frowned. “Is this wrong of me?”
“No, it makes sense,” she acknowledged. “I just hope it
made you feel differently about Ben.” She smiled and
squeezed my leg. “I don’t want you to ever feel guilty again.”
Smiling shyly, I said, “Yeah. I guess it did some. I already
wanted him, but now I guess I feel like I can trust more…or
maybe I just knew I could trust him anyway.”
“Ben is different and special. I told you…he’s made for
you.” She gave me her most reassuring look. “So, I have to
leave late tonight. Tell me what’s going on with Ben.”
For the next twenty minutes, I caught her up, gave her
the goriest of gory details and shared everything. Just as I
finished, Ben was wheeled back in. He gave me the thumbsup. Sure enough, a nurse followed him in and said that he’d
be getting discharged shortly.
“Great!” I said enthusiastically. “You good with that,
Ben? You feel okay, ready to go?”
“Absolutely.” Then he looked at Jolie. “I’d much rather
entertain at home than here.” Soon, Jolie and I stepped out
in the hall. We decided to let him get dressed and go over the
discharge papers with the nurse alone.
As soon as the door shut behind us, Jolie asked, “What are
your plans? What are you going to do?”
I frowned. “I guess I’m not going to get my happily ever
after,” I said, “not like in the in the fairy tales. Instead, I’m
going to work on happily every day.” I shrugged. “I just want
Ben to have as much happiness as can be squeezed into a
lifetime in whatever life he has left.”
“I’m proud of you,” Jolie said.
“Eh, I haven’t done anything yet.” I reminded her. “I just
heard him talking to his sister yesterday. He wants to live
while he’s dying. I want to give him that.”
The nurse walked out of the room then and said, “He’s all
yours.”
Sure enough, we were free to go back to the estate. When
we made our way to the hospital entrance, I found that
George was waiting for us with Ben’s Lexus. It was a nice
touch. Apparently Ben had called him during the discharge
process.
We arrived at the estate just in time for an early lunch. Lucy
greeted him with a hug, and then gave me one too. As Jolie
took in the views from the patio, she looked at Ben and said,
“How can you stand to be away from this place? It’s so
beautiful here.”
“You should see it at sunset. Oh, or better still, you should
see the stars at night,” I said enthusiastically. “This place is
easy to love.” Then I leaned back and sighed contentedly.
Jolie glanced at me to make sure I was paying attention
before speaking. “So, Ben, if you could do anything with
your time, what would you do?”
At first my mouth flew open. I wanted to object, to silence
her. It seemed like such a cold conversation to have. She
nodded in Ben’s direction, so before I spoke, I studied his
reaction. He wore this pensive look, had a serene expression.
“You know…I’ve been giving this some thought,” he said
calmly. “There was so much I wanted to do, but I didn’t see
how I could possibly do it…and now there’s Sin. She makes
me believe that dreams come true, that fate does exist, and
that miracles may even happen.” He smiled at me with pure
love shining in his eyes. “I love you, Sin, for that and so
much more.”
We might have had a moment, but Jolie put a stop to that.
“Ugh! You two make me sick,” she said, making a face.
“Seriously, Ben, what would you do?”
I laughed at her reaction and watched Ben, waiting for his
response. Jolie knew what she was doing. She was helping
me have the conversation I would never know how to begin,
the conversation I was too afraid to have. So while Ben
talked, I listened, made mental notes, tried to act all cool like
I wasn’t just hanging on his every word, which…I really was.
“Damn. I haven’t done hardly anything,” he began,
“which is going to sound strange since it looks like I grew up
really privileged.” He frowned. “I was sick for a while before
we really had a diagnosis. My illness took a toll on the
family. My parents took a second honeymoon and died in a
freak accident while parasailing. I’m pretty sure I don’t want
to do that.”
“Makes sense. No parasailing,” I said, thoroughly
agreeing with that.
“So, I hate to disappoint you. I’m not an adrenaline junky.
I don’t need to risk my life to feel alive. I simply want to
appreciate the beauty and wonder around and share these
experiences with the woman I love,” he explained as he
reached out and caressed my thigh. “I have been ordered to
not put too much of a strain on my heart.”
“And there goes our sex life,” I joked while winking at
him.
He chuckled. “Actually, they restricted that some, but
acknowledged that there were also a lot of positives to
having sex with my loving wife,” he commented.
“Your wife?” Jolie’s eyebrows shot up.
“Oh, yes,” Ben said, “every time someone refused to
share my medical information, Sin flashed her rings and
claimed she was my wife.”
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but I swear we were fake
married for a week. I think there was even a real proposal in
there and everything!” I pretended to be aggravated.
“The proposal was very real,” he said. “It was my first
and my last. I’m glad it was you.”
“Me too,” I said. Suddenly my chest hurt, my nose stuffed
up and my eyes were all fuzzy. I could see that they were
both looking at me, so I explained. “Allergies.”
Rolling her eyes, Jolie said, “Yeah, must have come from
all those flowering plants around…nowhere nearby.”
Ben covered his mouth and turned his head away from
me. If I didn’t know better, I’d have thought that he was
laughing at me…or her. Before I explored that further, he
stood and leaned over to give me a kiss on the cheek.
“Listen,” he said quietly, “would you mind if I just went
and lay down for a little while. The last few days have been
exhausting.”
“Go on, babe.” I encouraged. “Jolie and I may take that
golf cart out for a spin and snap some pictures if you don’t
mind.”
“Enjoy yourselves,” he said with more than a hint of
relief.
Once the patio door closed behind him, Jolie was ready to
get to work. “Okay, so I have to leave in about eight hours.
Let’s get some plans made for you two. You know we get it
done faster when we work together.”
I couldn’t argue with that. Moreover, I needed the help. I
really was struggling to focus on the happy in this. “I think
we need to head back to Vegas,” I suggested. “I think that
may be the only way we get the rest he needs. His sister and
the winery require a lot of attention.”
“Are you sure you don’t just want him all to yourself?”
she asked, raising her eyebrow in challenge.
“Maybe,” I admitted, “but it doesn’t make me any less
right. It doesn’t mean that he wouldn’t be better away and
alone with me.”
She smiled at me. “It’s so good to see you sticking it out,
Sin. It’s a good look for you, even if you are allergic to
sadness.”
So, we drove the golf cart around. We took my laptop. We
made lists and plans. On the one hand, I was thrilled with the
memories we would have, memories that would have to last
me a lifetime alone because I would never find anyone like
him again. How did I know? I wouldn’t be looking. People
who looked felt like they had an unfulfilled need. Ben loved
me well enough that I would never need anyone else.
“Okay, so we’ll need to get you two reservations in a
hotel. How about The Bellagio this time? You are going to
want to take about a million pictures there. Trust me,” Jolie
said.
“Why is that?” I asked, genuinely curious.
“I’m not going to ruin it for you. You’ll see.” She smiled
widely. “Let’s see what you think of our list for activities.”
Leaning over her shoulder, I nodded. “Perfect. He’ll be so
happy.” Then I sat down and pretended to be studying the
landscape when really I was trying to forget that we were
planning the bucket list of the man I love.
“You are doing the right thing for all the right reasons.”
Jolie reminded me. “You’re going to be fine…better than ever
before.”
“I needed to grow. I needed to change. I guess this
experience qualifies. My heart hurts all the time,” I
murmured, unable to speak too loudly for fear my voice
would crack. “I’m not used to caring about anyone more
than I care about myself. I’m not used to giving so selflessly,
nurturing so intently, or staying through the messy stuff.”
“You’ve got this, Sin. And no matter what, you’ve got me.
I’ll only ever be a phone call away.” She reminded me with a
hug.
Then all too soon, she had to leave.
“Did you and Jolie have a nice visit?” he asked when we
climbed into bed that night.
“Absolutely. She was a huge help,” I commented.
“What did she help you with?” he asked playfully.
Shaking my head, I said, “Nope. It’s a surprise.”
“Bet I can get it out of you,” he whispered in my ear as he
pushed my hair away from my face and started to nibble my
lobe.
While I wanted to lie there and savor the moment, I
wasn’t going to let him win. “Not a chance,” I warned. Then
I gently pushed him onto his back. I straddled him, making
sure my pelvis lined up with his. Running my hands over his
shoulders, I savored the feel of his skin. More and more I was
going to work to remember every detail of our time. “Your
muscles are tight,” I mentioned as I rubbed them. “Roll over
and let me work out the tension.”
He complied and as soon as he had, I leaned over and
began massaging his shoulders. Oh, but that wasn’t enough.
Soon, I was running my breasts along his back.
“Are you sure you aren’t just trying to distract me?” he
asked.
“Maybe.” I teased. “If you want to be certain, you should
probably roll back over.” That was the only suggestion he
needed. As soon as I rose, he shifted until he was on his back
and I was still straddling him.
Slowly, I lowered myself until our chests touched. To my
pleasure, his arms shot around me, and rubbed down my
naked back. We held each other close for just a moment.
“Stop,” he murmured. “Stop worrying. I’m the same
man. Don’t treat me like I’m fragile. Being with you won’t
kill. I think we both know that it’s being apart that hurts
me.”
I was still scared. I’d be crazy not to be. All the while, I
knew that I didn’t want to ruin the time we had by making
him tense or unhappy. Taking a deep breath, I said, “Be
patient with me. Let me get used to this. Prove to me that
you aren’t fragile.”
Looking at me with one eyebrow raised, he asked, “What
do you suggest, sexy?”
“Simple. Let’s start with a blowjob. We’ll work our way up
from there.” I shrugged. It made sense to me. “We’ll start
small.”
“Hey!” he exclaimed, mildly insulted.
Laughing, I noted. “This was not a reference to the size of
your dick. You know better than that. It was a reference to
the size of the sex act.” Before any more words could get in
the way, I bent my head and with a sly smile, I set to work on
his cock.
“Oh God,” he moaned.
I lavished attention on his penis like it was my job.
Licking it up and down, taking him wholly into my mouth.
My hand rubbed up and down, extending the reach of my
attention. I could tell he was enjoying it. His eyes were
closed. He kept thrusting his hips like he was fucking my
mouth.
Me, I was beyond wet. I was absolutely aching with need.
More than anything, I wanted to take him in me, ride him
with complete abandon. I wanted to feel him explode within
me. These were my desires, but my heart needed to show
him how much I loved him, that it wasn’t all about me, that
this thing between us was bigger and better than all that.
There were beads of pre-come collecting around the tip of
his hard, hot dick. I could actually feel him need to finish. So
I cupped his balls in my hand, tightened my grip at the base
of his cock, and helped him with that. Sure enough,
moments later, my mouth was filled with his semen and I
swallowed every drop like it was Hershey Syrup instead. I
treated it like it was as precious as liquid gold, milking his
head to make sure not to miss a drop.
He looked like he could barely keep his eyes open, but still
he mumbled, “It’s your turn.” From the look on his face, he
planned to go down on me. Somehow, given how sluggish he
was, I started picturing him falling asleep with his head
buried in my pussy.
“You know what’s hot?” I asked him seductively. I was
incredibly horny and determined to get my orgasm so I could
sleep.
Shaking his head, he rallied some. “What?” he asked.
“This.” Moving so that he had the perfect view of my vag,
I started rubbing just over my clit and all around. No one
knew me better than me. I could make myself come but fast.
Only I wanted to tease him a bit.
As I touched, I watched his eyes grow wide. So, I
continued to rub while my other hand roamed over my
breasts, squeezing, massaging, and pinching the way I loved.
“Damn, this is even hotter than when I walked in on you
on the ship,” he murmured. It didn’t take me more than a
minute or two more of looking at him, seeing his
excitement, and some expert manual manipulation. I’m not
a squirter. There wasn’t much to see, but still he knew when
I came. He kissed me passionately.
“Babe, that was hot. Thank you.”
When I was finished, I climbed back up into his waiting
arms, rolled onto my side, and waited for him to wrap
around me the way I liked. Ben didn’t disappoint. Our fingers
intertwined, his legs knotted around mine. This was how I
wanted to fall asleep every night for the rest of my life…or at
least for the rest of his.
“See,” he murmured in my ear as we drifted off to sleep,
“I’m still here.”
I smiled, then said, “So am I.”
21
B renda was sitting in the great room, looking completely
disapproving when Ben and I came down with our bags
packed in the morning. She was here with such alarming
frequency; it was easy for me to forget that she didn’t live
here. “Where are you two off to this morning? You can’t
possibly be leaving. You just arrived,” she commented.
Sighing, Ben looked at her evenly, then gave my cheek a
kiss. “I can’t have this discussion before I’ve had a coffee,”
he said. Then without saying another word, he walked
toward the patio.
Studying Brenda’s reaction, I decided it was time to
intercede. My protective senses were in overdrive. If she was
going to keep upsetting Ben when she knew his condition,
then she was going to have to deal with me. “Why are you
trying to make Ben miserable?” I asked.
She stiffened before speaking. “I’m not. I just…” Her
voice trailed off and I realized that she, too, was suffering
through a variety of emotions.
“Let’s talk,” I said. “I can see you are hurting. Get over
it.” So…maybe I’m not known for my diplomacy skills. “Ben
has limited time. You’ve had your entire life with him. Let
him live.”
Then, before she could say another word, I walked away
to join him on the patio, but before I could even make it
through the door, I heard the front door slam. Rolling my
eyes, I thought damn, but I have a way with people.
“Did I just hear Brenda leave?” he asked with a smirk.
Biting my lip to hide my guilt, I looked at him and said,
“Yeah. It looks that way. I’m sorry?” We both knew I wasn’t
sorry. Then I sat in the vacant seat across from him.
“Really? You are sorry?” His eyes twinkled. He didn’t look
worried. “Know why I took a cruise?”
“Ummm, you wanted to visit the Caribbean in style?” I
guessed.
“Not entirely.” He leaned forward on the table
conspiratorially. “I knew I wouldn’t have cell service at sea.”
He watched me for a reaction. “Know why I left my phone in
the car and wore a watch in Vegas?” he asked.
There was a pattern emerging here. Suddenly, I felt badly
for Brenda. Surely she meant well. “Has she ever dated?” I
asked.
“She was married,” he said. “Drove that poor man
crazy.” He shook his head.
With a sigh, I heaved myself out of the patio chair I had
barely sat in. Looking at Ben, I said, “I’ll be right back.”
Then I headed back into the house and straight out the front
door.
Sure enough, Brenda was sitting in her car, crying softly.
It was a nice change from the hysterics she was in the other
day at the winery. I was way too tough on her. I knocked on
the window.
She looked up, hit the button to roll it down, and asked
me quietly, “What?”
“I don’t mean to upset you. I don’t mean to be so…direct.
It has always served me well in my life. I guess I thought you
could handle it,” I admitted with a sigh. “You seem like a
fellow business woman.” Then I stepped back from the door
with arms crossed over my chest.
The door flew open as she exited the vehicle and stood
before me. “I’m not ready to manage everything. I was
coming today to talk to him about it. I…I can’t do this.” She
threw her hands up in the air. “I don’t know how. Everything
I touch turns to shit. Pure shit!” She started rattling off all
the problems she had encountered in just the last few days.
“So, I have no photographer for the wedding on Saturday, no
photographs for the article, and I’m losing my damn mind
with worry.”
“Take a breath!” I exclaimed. “These things always seem
worse than they really are.”
“How do you figure? This feels like financial ruin to me.”
She tapped her foot at me, demanding a response, maybe
even a solution.
“I’m a photographer. That’s how I make a living. I’ll
cover your wedding and I’m sure that I have pictures for the
article. I took some great shots the other day.” I watched and
could see her softening already. “So…calm the fuck down
and come have breakfast, dammit.” I was annoyed. There
went Vegas.
Ben was surprised to see us when we walked through the door.
“Oh,” he said. “Brenda, are you joining us for breakfast?”
She was still wiping at her nose, so she simply nodded. I
rather envied her gorgeous blonde hair and delicate features.
When she wasn’t crying she was rather stunning. Then I
looked at Ben. He truly was the male version of her, simply
perfect in a wholly masculine way. I bet when she wasn’t
crying or yelling or whining that I’d really like her. Because
of her brother, I was determined to find out. “Change of
plans, handsome,” I said. “We’re not going to leave until
Sunday.”
He stared at me. “But this is Thursday.”
Nodding, I said, “Yup. And tomorrow is Friday, the day
after that is Saturday, then…bam! We leave.” I reached for an
egg soufflé and some ham.
“So, we’re not leaving today?” He looked confused.
“No. Bam! Sunday!” I smirked at him.
Finally, Brenda spoke. “Sin has been gracious enough to
offer to photograph the wedding on Saturday and provide
pictures for the article.” She smiled sweetly.
“Hence...bam…Sunday,” Ben said flatly.
“Cheer up, handsome. I can totally make this work. You
just have to learn to roll with the punches, that’s all.” I was
determined to make the best of this situation.
“I’m out of time,” he said. “And I’ve pretty much been
rolling with the punches for quite some time.” He frowned.
“Listen,” I suggested, “you are damaged. I get it. We’re
all damaged.” I gestured around the table. “The important
thing is that we learn to not do any more damage, that we
not hurt others, that we help where we can…no matter how
much life we have left.” I watched him for a reaction, to see
if he understood my challenge.
He rallied some, then he spoke with a smirk. “Well, the
good news is that I can’t do any more damage. The line ends
with me.”
Brenda shook her head, but didn’t speak because her
mouth was full.
“Oh, are you pregnant?” Ben teased.
She shook her head again and made a noise like she was
trying to get him to understand her.
“What, girl? Is Timmy stuck in a well?” he asked with a
full-blown smile. Clearly he enjoyed teasing his sister.
She swallowed hard. I was busy laughing at their
interaction. Finally, she spoke, “No, dumbass, you have
frozen sperm, remember?”
He leaned back in his seat. “Huh. No, I didn’t remember.
It doesn’t matter.”
The conversation had turned so quickly from playful to
painful that I had whiplash. “Let’s talk about the pictures
you need for the article really quickly and the wedding
details so that I can change our plans and help you out,” I
said, taking charge of the conversation. I glanced over at
Ben. He was silent, pensive, and serious.
So Ben went off to the winery to work on some paperwork.
Brenda and I stayed on the patio and worked with my laptop.
“I’ll be back here for lunch,” he warned when he left.
“I’m holding you to it,” I said. “Don’t make me come get
you!” I joked.
“Any particular time you want me back?” he asked.
Tilting my head to the side, I thought for a moment.
“Yeah. Let’s do lunch at one pm. Then I thought we’d go for
a swim before we take a nap.”
He made a face. “Do we have to, Mom?”
Chuckling, I responded. “No nap, no dessert.” I gave him
a seductive wink. “And just so we’re clear…I’m dessert.” He
turned pink, then laughed and kissed me before heading out.
Brenda had just sat there and watched me. “You are really
good with him,” she said in amazement.
“Well, I love him. We’re going to go make some
memories,” I said. “Now let’s focus because I have plans to
change.”
We picked some images. We organized for the wedding.
Brenda relaxed some. By the time she headed out to her
office, we liked each other a lot more. And as soon as she
left, I went to work on part two of my morning.
First, I changed our reservations at The Bellagio. That was
easy enough. Then I had to cancel a Vegas reservation, and
make it a local reservation. I was practically giddy. I couldn’t
wait to share all of this with Ben.
I wanted to do everything with him and for him. I wanted
nothing but happiness and joy every waking moment for the
rest of his days. Honestly, as much as I was trying to accept
that we weren’t going to have the forever I had started
imagining, I was still hoping for a miracle.
With my work completed, I went up to the bedroom to get
changed. While I was up there, puttering around, I started
thinking about all my belongings sitting in storage at the
moment. It was time to start house hunting while we were in
Vegas. That seemed like the most logical place for me to
look. The housing market was hot. The prices were
reasonable. I would never have trouble finding a renter when
I was ready. And I’d own property in a city that meant
something to me because of my time with Ben. A thought
occurred to me. What was Jolie doing with all of her things?
Rather than risk a phone call that would interrupt her
workday, I decided to text.
Me: I’m going to start house hunting in Vegas.
It didn’t take more than thirty seconds before she
responded.
Jolie: What about CA?
A conversation had begun.
Me: Nope. I don’t want to live here. I think it would make me
too sad. I can’t imagine being sad in Vegas. Who does that?
Jolie: Nicholas Cage…more than once. Sharon Stone. Joe Pesci.
Robert De Niro was MISERABLE.
By now I was laughing.
Me: Those are movies. I’m talking about real life!
Jolie: Huh. I’ve got nothing.
Me: What are you doing with your things?
Jolie: CA. Can’t buy a house yet…unless my deal comes
through. Fingers crossed, but never the legs. ;)
Me: Nice, dirty whore!
Jolie: Takes one to know one. And girl, I know you in every
sense.
Me: Yeah. You do. Love you.
Jolie: Back at you.
Then Ben came home and found me wearing my
monokini while I lounged poolside. “Seriously, you have a
good life, Alysin Nixon,” he joked.
Walking over to him, I planted a lingering kiss on his lips.
“I know it.”
It was still dark when I woke him. With the promise of
more sex, I had convinced him to go to bed early the night
before. We had eaten a nice lunch on the patio, swam and
rested by the pool. For dinner, we had a cook out, then I
teased and taunted him into bed with promises of dessert
that I more than made good on.
This morning, however, I had the first of many surprises
to share with him. “Morning, handsome. Rise and shine,” I
said in a low sexy voice.
“How can I rise and shine when the sun isn’t?” he
grumbled. “Please get up. I have a surprise for you,” I
pleaded.
He opened one eye for that. “You are dressed. How good
can it be?” Then he paused and looked at my face. “This
means a lot to you, doesn’t it?” he asked seriously.
Nodding my head emphatically, I could hear him groan.
“This will be so worth it, I promise.” Then I raised my pinky
to seal the deal.
Instead of raising his pinky, he grabbed me and pulled me
onto him. Holding me close, he said, “Morning, Sin. Let’s go
make a memory.”
Soon he was dressed. I had asked Lucy the day before if
she could maybe pack us a little something to go in the
morning. When she heard what I had planned, she had tears
in her eyes and hugged me. That’s why I wasn’t surprised to
find a big basket on the dining room table. What did surprise
me was to find both Lucy and George standing beside it,
making sure that they had a chance to send us off.
“Thank you so much!” I exclaimed.
Ben gave me a look. “Are they in on it too?” he
questioned.
“Kind of. Lucy made breakfast.” I pointed to the basket.
“And I’m driving,” George said.
“You don’t have to do that,” I commented. “I don’t mind
driving.”
Shaking his head, he explained. “I figured you two might
want to nap on the drive home. It will be easier this way.”
Smiling, I thanked him, then grabbed the basket and
looped my arm through Ben’s. “Let’s go!” And we all headed
out the door.
As we drove closer, Ben started to wake up more. He had
stopped guessing the reason for our early morning departure
and simply began to enjoy the ride while snuggling with me
in the back seat. Then we rounded a corner and headed down
a dirt road. Ahead of us was the most beautiful hot air
balloon I had ever seen. It was all rainbow colored and
inflated, just waiting for us.
“That?” he asked, looking at me all wide-eyed. I nodded
and his look changed entirely. “I love you, Sin,” he
murmured in my ear. “You are the best fake wife a man
could have.”
“As fake husbands go, you aren’t so bad yourself,” I said
happily.
George parked and we stepped out of the vehicle. He
carried the basket for us as we made our way to the balloon.
Then…it was time. We were given a brief safety spiel before
we started to climb high into the sky.
“I can’t believe you did this,” he said. “You amaze me.”
“Get used to it. I have so much more planned for you,” I
told him. Then I laid my head on his while we watched the
sun rise over the horizon from our balloon in the sky.
22
G eorge was right. We napped all the way back home. Ben
had to go to the office, but promised to return midafternoon.
Ah, but I had to get ready for the wedding and meet Brenda
at the tasting cellar anyway. I brought my camera. She had
promised to have the room set up so I would be able to get
some pictures before there were people. True to her word,
when I arrived, the place was gorgeous…simple and elegant.
“I’m lucky that this is a small wedding,” she explained as
she showed me around the venue. “I love hosting these
events, but I get so stressed.”
I shrugged. “Don’t,” I said simply.
With her jaw tight, she stared at me. I could see it
twitching for a moment. “You don’t understand,” she
argued before she turned on her heels and prepared to leave
the room.
“Wait,” I said. “If there is nothing else for you to learn
from Ben, then at least realize that life is short. Too short.
You need to enjoy it. Let your hair down, relax, and know
that nothing is as big a deal as you think it is. As long as it
isn’t life or death, it really doesn’t matter.” I walked around
and snapped a few pictures. “This is beautiful. Just don’t
forget the big picture.”
She tapped her foot a few times. “And what is that, this
big picture of which you speak?” Her eyebrow rose.
“You get to make one day really special for two people.
What a gift! Of all the places they could have gone, they
picked here. It’s an honor.” I smiled at her. “They won’t
remember much about anything, but the feelings. Make
them feel special and they will remember you kindly. Be
happy.”
She softened some. “You mean that, don’t you?” Once I
nodded, she continued. “I don’t know how you do it. I’m a
ball of nerves.”
Tilting my head, I considered her comment. “My mom is
a wackadoodle. She is stressed and angry so often. It’s a long
story, but I learned how to be calm that way. I also learned to
not take any shit. I discovered that placating her only fed her
crazy.” I laughed at some of the memories. “So, that’s where
my no nonsense policy came from. Being around Jolie
helped. Being around Ben helps most of all.” I could feel my
cheeks coloring. “He soothes my soul. He calms me in a way
I never have been before. I love him. I really, really do.”
We might have spoken more, but I heard footsteps
echoing off the walls and vaulted ceiling. Moments later, Ben
was calling for me. “Sin! Where are you?” He walked
through the archway.
“Right here, babe,” I replied. “What’s up?”
“I’m bored without you.” He teased. “Let’s do
something.”
Smiling, I said, “I know just the thing.” I waved at
Brenda, grabbed his hand and brought him to the golf cart.
“You love this thing, don’t you?” he joked.
Laughing, I agreed, “Heck yeah! Look what I have.” I
reached behind the seat and pulled out a long brown paper
bag.
“What’s that?” he asked with the exact amount of
excitement I had hoped to incite.
“Open it. I should warn you…it’s some assembly
required.” I watched as he pulled out the Everly Winery kite I
had purchased in the gift shop. There was a look on his face
that I didn’t recognize.
Leaning in, he kissed me hard on the cheek. “I’ve never
flown a kite before,” he admitted. “This will be fun.”
That’s what Friday afternoon and evening were about…
simple yet memorable moments. There was kite flying in the
day. Then there were fireflies at night, followed by
stargazing from the pool.
“It’s been an amazing day,” he said while we sipped
sparkling wine and snuggled.
“Yeah, it has,” I agreed as I sighed contentedly.
“Tomorrow is the wedding. Do me a favor?”
Ben leaned over and nuzzled my neck. “Anything for you.
Name it.”
Taking a deep breath, I said sternly, “Be nice to Brenda.
Be patient with her. She is freaking out. She needs your
encouragement. Give it, okay?”
“Wow. You really are asking a lot.” He frowned at me.
“What is it? What’s the problem between you?” I was
genuinely confused. By all accounts, twins were supposed to
be close, feel each other’s pain, and yet these two certainly
broke that mold.
“I think there was some mutual resentment there
growing up. She was mad that I needed so much attention. I
was mad that she was healthy and could do things.” He
frowned. “I thought we had matured past that, but
sometimes these things just flare up.” He shrugged.
“I’m going to tell you the same thing I told her,” I said
seriously.
Smirking, he looked at me. “And just what was that?”
Leaning in seductively, I stared into his eyes, then I said,
“Get the fuck over it. She’s your sister.”
Throwing his head back, he laughed. “I’m sure she took
that well.”
“There may have been tears,” I admitted as I bit the side
of my lower lip.
“Ugh. All these crying, overly emotional women in my
life.” He chuckled.
Sitting back, I stiffened. “I have no idea what you are
talking about. I don’t cry.”
He moved toward me then, slowly, like he was afraid of
scaring me off. His face was completely serious. “I know,
Sin,” he said as he leaned closer, as his lips drew nearer to
mine. “You are too tough for that.”
“That’s right,” I agreed. Only I couldn’t look him in the
eyes, I was too busy studying the distance between our lips. I
would never make him to do all the work. This was a man I
could meet halfway with no regrets, without having to guard
my heart. This was a forever man that I could only have for
now with. Thinking that hurt my heart, so I refused to do it.
“You remember that night on the ship?” he asked, while
his lips practically touched mine. “So, why are we in the pool
instead of the hot tub again?”
I nodded. “I remember. And had I known that you had a
heart condition, we wouldn’t have been in the hot tub then
either. I suppose the answer to your question is…we aren’t in
the hot tub because I want you to live, stupid head.”
“It may not be a hot tub, but at least we don’t have to
worry about being disturbed here,” he murmured while
reaching behind me. His hands made short work of the knot
in my bathing suit. Still holding the strings, he pulled them
around the front and slowly peeled down my suit.
My breasts were soon exposed. My nipples hardened
before our eyes. And judging by the way his swim shorts
were bulging, his cock was large and in charge too. There
was only one way to find out. I reached down and untied his
trunks.
Moments later, we were both naked, our dripping suits
tossed on the cement near our towels. We were rubbing
against each other all naked and wet. His hand was knotted
in my hair, directing my face and my neck so that he had
access to every part of me when he wanted it. We were
kissing and fondling each other with pure abandon. I
couldn’t get enough of him on me, and now I wanted him in
me.
Wrapping my legs around his waist, I slid against him
until I found what I was looking for. Looking him boldly in
the eye, I watched his reaction as I slid him into me…every
hot, hard, pulsing inch. His hands moved to my waist and he
pushed more frantically.
There was something so amazing about sex with him. It
felt better than any before. I could never get enough of him.
It made me think crazy, stupid, mushy things…like how
magical the connection was, and how he was touching my
heart, and other nonsense. I wanted to be more cynical. I had
every reason to be. This was quite possibly going to be the
biggest mistake I had ever made. I was ridiculously in love
with a man who couldn’t see it through.
He wasn’t going to be around long enough for me to get
tired of him or fall out of love.
He had more power over me than anyone ever had before.
I loved having him bare inside me, instead of fumbling for
condoms, but then I started thinking how it was too bad we
couldn’t have children. I could almost picture it…the two of
us with one or two or even three mini versions of ourselves.
Then he gave one more thrust, gripped my hips hard, and
growled as he finished taking me. “You know you are mine
forever, right?” he asked when he could finally speak again.
“Completely,” I admitted. I was still quivering inside. I
could go again. I knew it, but now that I knew the
seriousness of his condition, I would never put him through
it.
“Sit here for me,” he urged, trying to position me on the
edge of the pool.
I had learned to never question with him. It always
seemed to pay off. This time was no different. So I sat where
he suggested on the edge of the shallow end. He stood and
began kissing his way down my neck. His hands grazed my
breasts. Then his tongue was on first one, then the other.
Yup. The fire inside me was definitely burning. I reveled
in the feeling of his tongue on my nipples, while his hand
crept down my body, opening my legs, and finally sliding
along my inner thigh until he slid two fingers in my eager
wet opening. All I wanted was this man and all these
moments. His mouth slid lower until it was on my pussy,
sucking, licking and nipping until I came harder and faster
than before.
When he was done, I slid back into the water with him.
My legs were useless at the moment. I didn’t need them
while I was sitting on his lap anyway.
“Bed,” he urged. “Tomorrow is a big day. And Sunday is
even bigger.”
Nodding, I forced myself to get up. Soon enough he would
see just how big Sunday would be.
The wedding was perfect. We stayed through the ceremony. We
stayed through the cake cutting and special dances. I
recorded all of it for posterity, and for Brenda. God bless her.
She was doing her best to be calm and I think she actually
pulled it off. When we said our goodbyes, she seemed
saddened at the prospect that we would be leaving town in
the morning.
“But I was just beginning to really like you!” she said
honestly.
It made me laugh. “Believe me, the feeling is mutual. And
don’t worry, we’ll be back.”
I knew that we wouldn’t be able to stay away an entire
week. It was a really busy time of year for the winery. Unless
it was an emergency or something super special, then we
would have to hold off on any really long trips.
We hopped in my vehicle, which had Ben very excited.
“Where are we going?”
“I thought that we could pick up a few things for our
trip,” I said honestly.
That’s how we ended up at the mall. He was…
disappointed. I read it all over his face. “Where did you think
we were going?” I asked with chuckle.
“I suppose I imagined we’d be hitting an Adam and Eve or
something,” he said honestly.
“Close enough. Hang in there,” I urged.
We walked with purpose. I knew where I was going. Our
first stop was at a Best Buy. I had ordered something that we
would need.
“Rosetta Stone?” he questioned. “Italian?” he asked.
Laughing, I said, “It’s a good sized drive to Vegas. I
figured we could be productive in the vehicle.”
“But Italian? When will I ever use that?” he asked.
“Hey, have you ever watched the Addams Family? Gomez
speaks Italian all the time. Gives me chills,” I said as I
winked at him.
Leaning over, he did his best Raul Julia imitation while
kissing up my arm. “Cara mia,” he murmured.
Looking at him, my heart melted. “Oh, my love.” I sighed.
“That will do it every time.”
We went to Spencer Gifts after that. I knew just what I
wanted. He was surprised when I walked straight to the back
of the store. I looked at the board games. There were several
options. Body Bingo looked promising…forcing us into
longer foreplay. And more than that, I looked at the Love
Game. It promised to make us get to know each other and
grow more intimate with one another.
I glanced at him for a reaction. His face revealed nothing.
He had been quieter than normal since the wedding. I had
chalked it up to exhaustion. So rather than talk to him, I
decided maybe it would be best to just hurry the process
along. We drove back to the estate and while we drove I gave
him a warning about the trip.
“Listen, while this trip is mostly about making memories,
I want your opinion, too. I’m going to be looking at a few
houses. I called a realtor and they have a few showings lined
up for us and one Open House. I hope you don’t mind.” I
looked at him sideways.
“I do mind,” he said quietly. “I have this amazing house.
Why don’t you want to stay there with me?”
“Come on, Ben. I do. It’s not that. I need to have a place to
go eventually, a place for all my things. Having them in
storage is costing me a small fortune. I need to unload, get
my own space, have my home.” I shrugged hoping he’d
understand. I think he did. I think he heard in his heart that I
would need a home to go to when he died.
“You can have the estate,” he said. “You can live there. It
was left to me. Tradition. A will that had been made at birth,
long before I was sick.” He was staring out the window.
“No thank you. It is too big. I’d have to live there with
twenty-five friends to feel comfortable. And as you well
know, I only have Jolie.” I was trying to joke with him, but
the reality of our situation had hit home once more.
When we pulled into the driveway, he stepped out of the
vehicle. “I’m going to go lie down. Just give me a little while
and I’ll be ready to for dinner.”
Part of me wanted to ask if he wanted company, but I
knew the answer. If he wanted me with him, he would have
mentioned it. He would have given me some hint, some
indication. He needed space right now. Maybe we both did. I
know the truth hurt him, but there was no escaping it. This
wasn’t something we could stick our nose in the sand about.
We needed to accept and make the best of it. While he headed
up the stairs, I went out on the patio to think. It was the
most serene place, perfect for that. Only, I guess serenity
was not something I was going to experience.
When I walked out onto the patio, Brenda was sitting
there drinking a glass of wine. And from the look on her face,
flushed as it was, it wasn’t her first. My entire body sighed.
Already I had discovered that conversations could be hit or
miss with her and I wasn’t in the mood, not when Ben was
hurting and needing space.
Still, I had no choice but to take a chance, so I sat in the
seat across from her. “What are we drinking?” I asked as a
means to encourage small talk.
“I am drinking a pinot noir. It’s a nice summer wine.”
She scowled at me.
“Okay, what’s up?” I asked seriously. “Was there a
problem after I left? Did the family not like the pictures?
What?”
She stared at me for a minute. Then, setting her glass
down, she finally revealed her concerns. “I thought you
loved him.”
My face scrunched up and I could feel myself losing my
temper. “Of course, I love him. What are you insinuating?” I
crossed my arms over my chest.
She was visibly shaking. I could see that. What I couldn’t
see was how I had merited an attack. I am nothing if not
devoted to Ben.
“How can you just let him die?” She all but shrieked.
“Why haven’t you encouraged him to get treatment? Don’t
you want him to live? Or are you just better at hiding your
gold digger tendencies than the others?” Her emotion
induced tremors made it virtually impossible for her to lift
her wine glass.
“The thought of losing him kills me. If there were
anything that could save him, I would be pushing him to do
it. How can you think that I wouldn’t?” I had slammed back
in my seat from the weight of her words.
“There is! There is a treatment!” she screamed in
excitement.
I swallowed hard, afraid to get my hopes up. “He told me
there wasn’t.”
“There is. It’s not here. It’s experimental.” She took a
deep breath. “At the same time, it’s better than nothing and
they have had some serious success.”
Slowly, I licked my lips. “Where is it? What would he have
to do to qualify?” There was something happening in my
chest. I started feeling tingly…all my nerves.
“It’s in Switzerland. They are working on some drug
therapy that has proven to strengthen the heart muscle and
undo the effects of the chemo drugs.” She smiled a little
now. I guess she realized that I wasn’t the monster she
imagined I was.
“So, do you have paperwork, or an application or
something?” I asked.
Frowning, she looked at me, “He’s already been accepted.
I sent the paperwork in and he was accepted right away, first
round.”
“Yay! So when does it start? When does he go?” I asked
happily.
“He refused to leave. He was angry with me for going
behind his back. He packed up and took a cruise.” She looked
at me with a smirk. “And I guess we all know what happened
from there.”
Yeah. We did. We all did. Only, I didn’t understand. Why
wouldn’t he do this? “I’ll talk to him.”
“Please, Sin,” she said sadly. “I can’t lose him.” She
reached her hand out to me. I took it.
“I can’t, either,” I admitted.
23
Sunday morning we headed to Vegas. While we drove, I
played the Rosetta Stone Italian CDs. We laughed as we
practiced aloud. After watching Under the Tuscan Sun four
million times, I had memorized a few key phrases. Currently,
I considered turning ciao into part of my regular vocabulary.
“Damn, you sound sexy,” he said while changing one of
the CDs.
“You know,” I began, “if you want me to sound sexy all
the time, we should go to Italy. What do you think of that
idea? We could use our Italian…” I waited for him to agree. It
seemed like he was already considering it. So, I decided to
push a little harder. “We could ride a real gondola. We could
see all kinds of art in Florence. Explore so much history in
Rome. As much as you like ice cream, we could try some
gelato.” He wasn’t saying anything. “What do you think?”
“It could be fun,” he agreed. “When would you like to
go?” He turned to look at me in my seat.
“Well, we could go after we’ve been in Vegas a few days.
That would give us time to arrange flights, go grab your
passport, that kind of thing.” I was growing more and more
hopeful as we spoke.
“That could be fun,” he admitted.
That’s when I decided I might as well go for the gold.
“Then after a few days playing in Italy, filling up on pasta,
seeing if we can topple the leaning Tower of Pisa, and
spending some time bumping into strangers while staring at
the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, we can go to Switzerland.” I
smiled at him. “I hear they have great chocolate! I’m too
clumsy to ski, but there are lots of other things to do.” I
wanted to babble on, to try and distract him from the true
purpose of the trip.
Judging by the look on his face, he knew. His eyes grew
dark, a stormy blue. “No, Sin. We’re not going to
Switzerland. I’m not going to that clinic. I’m not,” he
growled. “Are you teaming up with Brenda now? Are you
trying to trick me? And you claim to love me!”
Given his reaction, I was glad that he hadn’t jumped from
the moving vehicle. “Teaming up against you?” I asked
angrily. “I’m teaming up with you!” I shouted. “Suddenly
I’m some bitch because I want you to fight? I want you to
live?” I slammed my hand against the dash then and stopped
speaking. We were silent for many miles. Neither of us knew
what to say. How could I make him understand? How could
he want to leave me sad and alone?
Instead of checking into the hotel first, we drove to the first
address that the realtor gave me. I parked the SUV, waved at
the realtor and turned to Ben. “Are you coming in?” I asked
seriously.
“Why would I come in?” he asked. “I won’t be living
here.”
“No,” I responded sadly, “you won’t…because you’ve
decided not to live at all. So, I have to figure out where to go,
where I will put my life back together, where I’m moving to
heal because you are breaking my heart.”
Opening the door, I stepped out of the vehicle and
slammed the door behind me. He still sat there, staring out
of the window. I wanted him to change his mind…about
everything. I wanted him to take one look at this house and
tell me that I wouldn’t need it because he was going to live. I
wanted him to say he was going to go get the treatment, and
that he would try anything, everything just to have a future
with me. Instead, he stared blankly out the window.
When I had spoken with the realtor, I had specifically
asked for a ranch style home. I hate stairs. Okay, I like stairs;
I just hate cleaning stairs. Blech. This house was…practically
perfect and I found it hard to believe that she had had nailed
it first time out of the gate.
As I walked up to the door from the circular driveway, I
found double doors, wooden and detailed that lead into the
house. Once inside, it was like being transported to an
entirely new world. The floor had a stone medallion of a
mariner’s compass. There were two wings off the entry. One
went to the bedrooms, the other to the entertaining space.
Straight ahead was a huge patio door that opened up to the
courtyard, which apparently had a pool and hot tub.
Real estate is the only area of my life that I believe in love
at first sight. This house…had the right bones. I could feel it.
I wasn’t afraid of a project. And this could be just the place
for me to recover. Grabbed at my chest, I realized how much
I was dreading the future. My heart was hurting so much
already. Stupid, stubborn ass of a man.
While I stood there staring out into the courtyard, he
walked in behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured in my ear. “Let’s not waste time
being angry at one another. I know you mean well. I know
Brenda means well. I love you, Sin.”
“I love you too,” I said happily, completely unbothered by
the previous discussion, fully focused on the house. “Now
come look at this place. I’m pretty sure I’m going to buy it.”
Taking his hand, I walked him through the space. “Did
you see the pool area?” I asked while I bubbled with
excitement. He nodded, quietly.
There was a formal living room to the left and a great
room with a fireplace to the right. “I don’t need both. The
room to the left looks out front. I’d love to make that my
office. I can get French doors to close it off. Look at the
space.” I was dancing around and twirling some in
excitement. I had hoped he’d be happy for me, but the look
on his face suggested otherwise.
We continued the tour. The kitchen needed an overhaul. I
hate tile counters, but the space was ideal and maybe this
remodel I’d get one of those big farmhouse sinks…white
porcelain. I had been babbling and talking about my plans
for changing the place and turning it into my own.
Then we went outside, where I discovered that there was
plenty of room for a grill, or even an outdoor kitchen. “Holy
crap! I’m dying to live here!” I was squealing like a girl.
“What do those patio doors open to?” I asked, pointing
out the ones across the way.
“Those go to the master suite,” the realtor responded.
She was smiling like she already knew I was going to put an
offer in on it.
We went through the doors to the room and I fell further
in love. There was the perfect spot for the bed so that I could
lay in it and look out at the pool area. The walk-in closet was
massive. The bathroom needed updating, but the layout was
perfect!
Finally after I realized that the laundry room was
conveniently located at the end of the hall, that the garage
was a side garage and that there was more storage than I
would know what to do with…I talked numbers. “I’m
serious,” I told the realtor, but I’m not a newbie. I own five
houses in other states and I’m not afraid to walk away if I
can’t have what I want.”
Glancing over at Ben, I realized he had turned white while
I spoke. I imagined that the desert heat was too much for
him, or maybe his blood sugar was low. Either way, I needed
to speed the process up. “Give me your card and I’ll call you
later with an offer,” I told the realtor. I definitely knew how
to take charge of a situation. Hopefully, it was one of the
many reasons that Ben liked me.
We walked back to the SUV and before I even drove away,
I was asking him about how he felt. “Are you sick? Do you
feel ill in any way?” I was hovering and probably annoying
the hell out of him, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t lose him.
“You’re going to buy that house, aren’t you?” he asked
weakly. “I could see how much you loved it from the
moment you started talking about it.”
I nodded. “Yeah. I’m sure I will.”
By now I had decided to head toward the hotel. I knew
that he could rest and I could relax poolside or take some
pictures. Hell, I’d lay with him if he wanted. I just wanted to
get out of the sun and relax some.
We rode in silence. It worried me a bit, but I rather
expected it too. We were both coming to terms with our
future. At the same time, I had one more card to play that
even I didn’t see coming.
I had thought long and hard. What would it take to make
him change his mind? What would convince him to try? Then
it came to me. I knew what I had to do.
We lay low the rest of the day. I was deep in thought,
plotting and planning. Ben seemed lost in his own mind too.
We stopped and picked up sushi for lunch, since I swear I can
never get enough of that stuff. Once we checked in, we
stayed in our suite for the day. It was perfect. We ordered
food to be brought up, which is when I decided I could get
really used to room service. During his nap I made some
phone calls and ran a really important errand too.
That night, we sat and snuggled. We talked about nothing
of importance. There were many unspoken words between us
so I decided to keep it light. “We have to be up bright and
early,” I announced.
“What do you have in mind?” he asked.
“Well, I thought maybe you would indulge me in a really
amazing photo opp?” I asked gently.
The relief on his face was evident. It was as though he
would do anything to avoid that elephant in the room. “Babe,
of course! Where are we going?” He sounded really excited
with that prospect.
“Ummmm…Death Valley,” I said. His face fell some. It
was obvious that he expected this to turn into some life
lesson or some embattled discussion about his decision to
forgo further treatments. “There are so many extremes
there. I was really hoping to go there last time. We had such
an incredible time at the Grand Canyon. I thought that this
could be something really different.” I felt like I was
struggling to explain it to him, but he was reasonably eager
to comply.
“Absolutely. Let’s do it.” He smiled at me. We stood for a
bit staring out the windows of our Grand Lakeview Suite. I
loved looking at the fountains from there. The suite was
bigger than my old house. It even had a second master
bedroom.
I could feel it still…that elephant in the room, everything
we needed to talk about that we both kept trying to avoid. It
seemed like we should clear the air before we went to bed.
So, I made the first attempt to confront my feelings, to
maybe even get him to share his.
“Ben, we should talk,” I began quietly. My experience in
this kind of conversation was limited to what I had seen in
movies. Too late, I realized that this could be code for: we’re
breaking up. Before I could rectify that, he spoke.
“We could talk,” he said with a smile that didn’t quite
reach his eyes. “Although, I have to admit, I’m more of an
‘actions speak louder than words’ guy. Come with me.” He
took me by the hand and walked me into the bedroom.
It took him but a minute of hunting around in his bag to
pull out some of our toys. Standing there, I was torn. Part of
me wanted to talk, the other part of me, that old Sin, the Sin
that I was so comfortable with…she wanted to fuck. It’s so
easy to fall into old habits.
Without saying another word, I walked over to him and
started removing his clothes. To say I made short work of
undressing him would have been such an understatement.
Almost instantly, he was naked and I was kissing him
passionately, nipping at his lips, sucking and nibbling his ear
lobe. Then I moved further south.
Pushing him on the bed, I did something I’ve never done.
I gave him a strip tease. I had seen them performed in
person and in movies. How hard could they be? So, I took
over for a moment. I paraded around while singing Black
Velvet.
By the time I was singing about being brought to your
knees, I was on mine in between his. His dick made the
perfect microphone for my grand finale. And since I was
already holding it, I might just as well…taste it. So, I licked
him from base to tip until I was satisfied that it was lubed
enough for me to take him into my mouth.
Ben groaned the minute I started sucking on his erection.
He didn’t let me finish him that way. “Every man loves a
blowjob,” he said, “but I also love being in you, feeling you
tighten around me, watching your face, being able to kiss
you.” He sighed. “If I could only find a way to make that
happen doggy style.” He winked at me then, but I had an
idea.
“Come here,” I said and I pulled him off the bed. Leading
him into the bathroom, I was quick to position myself in
front of the bathroom counter, bent over just enough so that
he had easy access to my vag, but could see my boobs and
face. “I want you in me,” I murmured.
Soon enough, he pushed his way into me, then picked up
the pace. I could see his face, too, watch him and all the
emotions that he gave away. This man…he didn’t just want
me, he loved me. Seeing that made it so much more intense.
I could feel the need building in me. I could watch it building
in him.
“Let it go, Sin. Just ride it out,” he said.
Something about the way he said it, the way he had taken
charge, it pushed me over the edge. A second later I was
contracting around him while emitting tiny whimpers of
pleasure. Grabbing my hips, he slammed deeper into me,
then one hand knotted in my hair, pulling me back so he had
access to my neck. “You, Sin. Only me and you forever.” His
orgasm over, he pulled out of me, and turned me around. He
kissed me a few more times with a serious look on his face.
“Bed,” he said. It was an order. Just for him, I liked it that
way.
We woke early and headed out as soon as we were ready.
There was an espresso bar and pastry shop that had
everything we needed to fuel up for our departure. I decided
to go for a hot chocolate because…I love them. Then I also
added a chocolate croissant because…you can never have too
much chocolate. My fake husband opted for a coffee and a
bagel.
“Boring,” I joked.
“I don’t want to throw my senses into shock first thing in
the morning,” he kidded. Still, it left me wondering and
analyzing every one of our meals together. Were there
dietary restrictions I was completely unaware of? Would he
even tell me if there were? I was beginning to doubt it.
Then, before I could think myself into a funk, it was time
to meet our ride and begin a ten hour long day on the Death
Valley tour. Luckily, the bulk of that time would be spent
inside the Jeep in air-conditioned comfort with stops for
photos as we wished. Not one to dilly-dally, I was eager to
get it started, especially since I had so much more going on
than just the photos. My mind was positively reeling. He
sensed it too.
“What’s going on with you, Sin? You seem distant and
distracted,” he commented as he ran his thumb over my
hand that he had intertwined with his.
“Just thinking,” I lied, “trying to get my head in the
game.” With that I snuggled closer to him in the hope that if
he couldn’t see my face, he wouldn’t be able to see through
me.
After a while longer, we reached the perfect spot. “Do you
want to walk around and take photos here?” our driver asked
me. He was in on the surprise. Because of his knowledge of
the area, I had asked him to find me a perfect spot. After
glancing about, I was confident he had.
Nodding, I grabbed my bag and a bunch of snacks that we
brought with us. We walked a distance away from the Jeep. I
started taking pictures, trying to capture images of the area
and maybe even build up my courage just a little bit. This
had me a nervous wreck.
Then I took a breath, calmed down, and gave myself a
mental pep talk. It was time. I had to let myself be more
vulnerable than ever before. It was time for me to be stripped
bare in the truest sense. This was the only way I could have a
chance at achieving all my dreams.
Slowly, I set my camera back in the bag. I knew that Ben
was looking at me, wondering what I was thinking, what was
going on with me. Finally, I was ready to let him know.
Walking over to him, I grabbed both of his hands in mine.
“Listen, I may have never gone to college, but I never felt the
need. I have always been extremely happy and successful.
Until recently when I discovered that my life has been based
on a lie. With that in mind, let me tell you what I know is
true.” I stopped and took a deep breath. “I know that I love
you, Benjamin Everly. And I have discovered that when you
love someone, you do things you never thought you’d do and
you want things you’ve never wanted before.” I looked down
for a moment. This was so much bigger than I thought it was
going to be. “You made me realize that I was mistaking
being comfortable, with being happy.”
Looking up into his eyes, I knew that he was touched by
what I was saying. “This started out as make believe, but
over time you made me believe it could be real. I…” I shook
my head. “I don’t want to be your fake wife. I want to be
your real wife and I want you to be my real husband. I want
you and me forever, not for now, and not for as long as
possible.” I started sniffling. “I want you to want to do
something you never thought you’d do—take a chance, try
the treatment. Don’t settle for being temporarily
comfortably only to give up a lifetime of happiness. Do that,
and I’ll do something I never thought I’d do—I’ll stop
running and marry you.”
I stepped back and exhaled. His silence was killing me.
“Don’t face death alone. Pick me, Ben. Choose to fight. Love
me and be loved in return.”
That was when I dropped to one knee. I pulled out a
Tiffany’s box. Hey, that’s what they had at The Bellagio…
Tiffany’s. I opened the box and exposed the band I had
selected for him. That alone should speak volumes. “Marry
me, Ben. Marry me, and have someone to live for who lives
for you too.”
“Get up,” he urged while his voice caught in his throat.
“Please, Sin.” He grabbed my upper arms and helped pull me
to a standing position. He took a few breaths. I could feel him
shaking. It did nothing to build confidence or hope that he
would agree to my terms. So I waited, patiently, and as still
as a frightened bunny. “Of course, I’ll marry you, my crazy
girl.” He hauled my body up against his.
“And you’ll try the treatment?” I asked hesitantly.
“You’ll stick around…forever?” he asked by way of reply.
“Till death,” I swore.
He wrapped himself around me even more tightly. “Then,
I will.” He leaned over me and placed his lips against mine. I
could feel the heat of his breath coming out in short bursts.
There were tears in his eyes and one or two had escaped the
corners only to drip down his face.
“Oh, Ben,” I said in surprise. “Is it the sun, dust, what?” I
wiped his face with my hands. “It’s tears, Sin. It’s okay to
cry, especially when you’ve made me the happiest I’ve ever
been.” He kissed me harder now.
I had never been happier either. This man. Our life. One
future. I could have cried then, but I figured I should wait,
make my tears count. With that, I grabbed his hand,
snatched up my bag, and dragged him back to the jeep. “We
need to head back to the hotel,” I told the driver.
“We just barely started the tour,” the driver said.
“Well, we have some really important business to take
care of,” I explained.
Ben raised his eyebrows at me. “What do we have to do?”
he asked.
Smiling, I said, “We’re getting married tomorrow.”
His eyes grew wide. “So soon?”
“You know me. What? I was going to wait until Saturday?
Nah. Let’s just do this.” Then I leaned back and tucked my
head under his chin while letting out a blissful sigh. This was
right. I knew it. Now, we just had to do it.
“Babe,” Ben said quietly. “Tomorrow, huh?”
“Yeah.” Then I sat up. “Yeah, tomorrow at sunset.” I
giggled at the idea that I was about to get married. “And
we’d better make our calls.”
Smiling widely, he asked, “Who are we calling?”
“Well, I thought we better call our witnesses. I want Jolie
to be here. And I’m betting you would never do this without
Brenda.” I chuckled as I imagined how the conversation with
my BFF was going to go. “Wanna listen in?” I asked Ben. “I
mean we’re practically married so you must get spousal
privileges or something.”
Without waiting for his agreement, I dialed Jolie and put
her on speakerphone. It rang twice before she answered.
“What up, bitch?”
Laughing at the horrified look on Ben’s face, I replied, “I
need you to come to Vegas. We’re getting married
tomorrow.” I tried to sound all calm about it, but let’s face it,
nobody thought I’d ever say those words.
“Oh my God! He proposed and you didn’t tell me?” she
screamed into the phone.
“Noooo,” I explained. “He proposed last time. I proposed
this time. And it literally just happened.”
“Of course you proposed.” She sighed. “So what do you
want me to wear? And when do I need to be there?”
So we went over the details together, the three of us, such
as they were. I knew right where we should get married.
“Ben, we’re not chapel people,” I told him, “we’re more of
the outdoor wedding types, right?”
“Absolutely,” Ben agreed. “Did you want to get married
by the pool?” I shook my head. “The lake?” Again, I
declined. Smirking, he asked, “Is it possible you already have
a place in mind?”
Clearing my throat, I started to explain while Jolie
laughed in the background. She was used to my theatrics and
really enjoyed them when they didn’t mess up her life. “So,
we got engaged while we were in Death Valley. I think there
is only one place that could compete with that for our
wedding.”
“Really? And what’s that?” he asked with a chuckle.
“Valley of Fire, of course.” I crossed my arms over my
chest and dared him to find a flaw in my idea. “Listen, I
always said that I’d get married when hell froze over. This
seems like a logical venue.”
Jolie piped up from the speaker. “I love that idea.”
Nodding, Ben agreed. “I love it too.”
“Can I wear red?” she asked. “I mean scarlet flaming
red!” She sounded giddy.
“Absolutely. And I’ll ask Brenda if she wants to wear
orange or melon…something like that.” I leaned back
happily. “What do you think?”
Ben pulled me closer to his side. “I think she’ll love that
idea.”
“One last thing, Jolie,” I said before ending the call.
“We’re staying at The Bellagio this time. The suite is booked
under Ben Everly. And we’re in the Grand Lakeview Suite.
You’re staying with us.”
After the call, I looked at Ben. “Time to call your sister,” I
said. “She has to be here. And she’ll need to bring your
passport. We’ll head to Italy from here.”
He looked at me for a moment. “So you really meant it,
huh?” he asked quietly.
“Every bit of it,” I replied. “You and me. We’re in it
together.” Then I remembered something I wanted us to
discuss. “Oh, and I want a pre-nup. Now call your sister.”
“Why would you want a pre-nup?” he asked seriously.
“Because I don’t care about your money. I care about you.
And it will make Brenda feel better. She is probably half
convinced that I’m just in it for the cash.”
“But you’re not. And that is precisely why we aren’t
having one,” he said seriously. I started to object, but the
minute I opened my mouth he hit the button to call his
sister.
She sounded wary for a bit, worried over how quickly we
were getting married. Finally, in exasperation, I looked at
Ben and grabbed the phone. He looked at me in surprise.
“You’re doing it all wrong,” I explained. Then I started
speaking to her.
“The wedding isn’t going to be anything as lavish as the
kind you throw. I’m just not organized enough to pull
something like that off,” I explained while looking Ben in
the eye and daring him to object.
“Well, I’m sure it will be just fine,” she said.
“Oh, and can you wear orange?” I asked sweetly. “We’re
getting married in the Valley of Fire. I think it would look
spectacular for the pictures and then I’ll know what kind of
bouquet to order you.”
“Yes, I can do that,” she said, still sounding stiff.
I suspected there were really only two things I could say
to warm her to this idea. So, taking a deep breath…I talked to
her about them. “First, I want you to know that I asked for a
pre-nup and your brother refused me.” I could hear her gasp
in the background. “And finally, can you please bring his
passport with you?”
Looking at Ben, I directed, “Tell her where it is.”
Sighing, he rolled his eyes. “It’s in the top desk drawer of
my home office,” he said.
Then I continued our conversation. “We’re going to
honeymoon in Italy and then check into the clinic in
Switzerland. Do you mind holding down the winery while we
do this?”
My words were met with sobs.
“One sniffle for ‘yes.’ Two for ‘no’ and then we can plan
accordingly.” I teased.
One sniffle later, we said our goodbyes. “See you
tomorrow. You’ll be staying with us at The Bellagio. Love
you,” Ben said sincerely.
That made it official. Everyone who needed to know and
was invited had been. Now the ceremony was just
superfluous.
He looked at me. I looked at him. “We’re getting
married,” he said.
“Yes, we are. And I can’t wait.” I meant it too.
24
B y the time we returned to The Bellagio, I had set up a
meeting with catering. We decided to create a really special
kind of wedding day. Even though we were marrying on the
small scale…maybe even the microscopic scale, we wanted to
do it in a manner that was completely reflective of our style.
“Do we have a style?” Ben joked as we spoke with the
caterer. “Well, I have style. You can piggy back on mine.” I
beamed at him.
We ordered not one, but two cakes. We couldn’t decide
which flavor we liked better, so determined that one could be
the groom’s cake, the other the wedding cake. “You just
want an excuse to eat loads of cake,” he said accusingly
while wearing a smirk.
“Maybe I do and maybe I do,” I admitted.
There were all kinds of touches that we wanted…special
moments, a photographer to capture our memories. We
wanted music…our own unique vows. We even planned the
food for the entire wedding day.
We had one more day to ourselves before Jolie and Brenda
descended upon us. What we agreed on implicitly was that
we wanted everything planned out and organized before they
arrived. We wanted to make sure that we could relax and
enjoy when our guests arrived.
“Let’s go shopping,” Ben said. “We have to buy you a
wedding band, an engagement ring, clothes…”
“Wait,” I argued, “I have a ring.”
“I’m buying you a real wedding band.” He stood as we
left the meeting.
I looked up at him sadly. “What’s wrong with the ones I
have?” I held them close. I hadn’t taken them off since he
placed them on my finger.
“They mean that much to you?” he asked unconvinced.
Nodding, I assured him, “More than you know.”
Then we went searching for wedding attire. And in a town
devoted to weddings one would think it would be easier.
After a couple of hours of shopping, I was convinced that any
bride with taste brought her wedding gown from other
places. It was a sea of taffeta that I waded through when I
wasn’t drowning in satin. All I wanted was a simple desert
wedding.
Thoroughly discouraged, I sank down on a seat inside the
latest shop. Ben sat beside me looking concerned. “Sin, this
is supposed to be fun.” He reminded me.
“Yes, well I’m sure it is for women who have been
dreaming about their wedding day their entire life and have a
year to plan it. Me, I’ve dreamed of getting married almost
exactly twenty-four hours. And I only have about twentyfour more to make it happen.” I sighed. “I can totally picture
it, what I want to wear.” I smiled. “And what I want you to
wear,” I added shyly.
“It’s your day, babe,” he said as he kissed me on my head.
“No, it’s our day. I want you to be happy too.” And I really
meant it.
“Tell me what you are imagining. I bet we can make it
happen.” He motioned for the saleswoman to come over and
listen.
I looked at her hopefully. “I want something simple. I was
thinking…lace and maybe a few crystal beads to pick up the
setting sunlight. I thought flowing and relaxed, nothing stiff
or overdone. Do you have anything like that?”
In my mind, the vision was so…real I could very nearly
touch it. I looked at Ben with pleading eyes. “And you would
just wear a nice linen button down shirt and pants…” I
looked down. “I just wanted something simple and
comfortable.”
While we were talking, the woman rushed to the back of
the store. “Something I said,” I joked. Then shaking my
head, I offered an alternative. “Maybe I should just go with
something more traditional, stuffier.” I shrugged.
The sales associate returned with a dress in her arms.
“This,” she said. “This is the dress you described. Go try it
on.” Then she turned to Ben. “And you don’t get to see. It’s
bad luck.” She pointed to the sign over the nearby doorway.
GROOMS.
“There’s a television and magazines. No peeking.” She
put on her stern face while she rushed him out of the room.
When she returned, she carried the gown to a vacant
dressing room. “Let’s try this on,” she suggested.
Not one for modesty, I was stripping down as soon as the
door closed behind us. She was opening the garment bag and
talking endlessly.
“Now this is one of a kind. This is a designer dress that
was never worn because the wedding was canceled. The bride
dropped it off here on consignment,” she was more and
more excited as she pulled it off the hanger.
I raised my arms and dove into the gown she was holding.
The fabric was light, just like I had envisioned. She stood
behind me and fastened it. That moment was like magic. The
dress fit perfectly.
There were lace cap sleeves. The neckline was perfect,
nice and open without looking cheap and tasteless. The cut
was simple and elegant.
“What did you want to wear on your feet?” she asked.
Looking down at my bare feet, I smiled. “In the desert…I
thought maybe I’d wear the cowboy boots he bought me.” I
watched for a reaction. “I suppose you think that’s stupid.”
Looking at me intently, she shook her head. “No.
Actually, I think it’s perfect.”
So, I bought the dress. I paid without blinking. It was the
most I had ever spent on a dress that I would only wear one
time. It was the most challenging shopping trip ever. It was
the last time I would shop without Ben’s input…I hoped.
Back at the hotel, we made a phone call to order the flowers.
“Do you know what you want?” Ben asked as we sat in front
of the laptop. The company performing the wedding didn’t
allow outside flowers, which meant we had to order from
them, but I had already seen the bouquet I wanted so it
wasn’t an issue. “I’m guessing…nothing ordinary.” He
smiled at me warmly.
“You are going to think I’m crazy, but my flowers…are
very ordinary. At least they aren’t ordinarily wedding
flowers.” I pointed to a picture. “See, sunflowers.” There
was a beautiful bouquet made from miniature sunflowers
and purple statice.
“Perfect. This is going to be just beautiful,” he said. Then
he leaned on me and closed his eyes.
“Why don’t you take a nap?” I suggested. “When you
wake, we’ll have dinner.” He was so stubborn sometimes
that I half expected him to object, but instead, he surprised
me by laying his head on my lap and stretching out on the
couch with me.
Staring down at him for a moment, I noticed he was
looking up at me for a reaction. “I just want to be close to
you. It helps me relax,” he said quietly.
“No worries,” I said, “I love having you near me.” Then I
played with his hair while he rested.
Soon his breathing slowed. It was so shallow I had to
double check to make sure he was still breathing. After a
moment, my hand came to rest over his heart. It was
beating. It didn’t seem as strong to me as it had before. That
could just be my imagination, of course, but it bothered me.
He seemed to be getting weaker. It felt like he was tired more
often. Our sex life had taken a hit, but I was sure that was a
combination of things…my fear and his condition. It didn’t
matter. Even without the constant incredible mind blowing
sex, I felt connected to him and so very loved.
I sighed. We still had the honeymoon to book and I
needed more information about the clinic in Switzerland.
Reaching out, I removed his iPhone from the holster on his
side. Then I looked in his recent calls to find Brenda’s
number. There wasn’t a Brenda at all. Then I realized the last
call made was to ‘Killjoy.’ Once again I was forced to feel
badly for his sister.
She answered the phone happily enough. Then I explained
it was me calling and not Ben. “Oh,” she said quietly.
“I don’t mean to bother you,” I said slowly. “I’m just
worried about Ben and I want to know more about his
condition and make arrangements at this clinic. Can you help
me out with that?”
She softened considerably. “I don’t know how you did it,”
she said, “but I want to thank you for getting him to go get
treatment.”
“I told him I’d marry him,” I said quietly. “I told him I
wanted forever with him.” As I spoke I ran my fingers
through his hair.
“You really do mean that?” she asked.
“I do. Just like I mean that I don’t want his money,” I
said. Then a thought occurred to me. “Why don’t you live at
the estate? I mean, it’s huge and there’s plenty of room and
you work there…”
“Well, I married right out of high school and moved out.
We were young. It didn’t last. Still, I kept the house we
bought together, so I didn’t need to move home,” she
explained.
“Well, if you ever change your mind, I wouldn’t mind
having you around more,” I assured her.
“And you mean that?” she asked in shock.
“Brenda, I told you to calm the fuck down. Is that the
move of someone who is in the habit of trying to be a people
pleaser? I don’t say anything I don’t mean. I really meant
you needed to calm the fuck down and I meant it when I said
I wouldn’t mind having you around more.” I laughed then.
“You are so different, Sin,” she said. “I think you are just
what both of us need.”
“I feel the same way. Now about Switzerland…” I knew
my time was limited. I’d have forever to make nice with
Brenda. At the moment, I was desperate to save Ben.
“It’ll be easier if I just email you everything. Is that
okay?” She sounded hesitant.
“Sounds perfect.” So I gave her my email address and
then I waited.
It didn’t take long for the files to come through. They
were huge. There were so many. As I scrolled through them,
I realized the terminology was killing me. At first I wanted to
shoot myself for never having gone to college, then I realized
that even college wouldn’t have helped. I would have needed
to be a science major then gone on to medical school.
What I made out was that the damage to the heart from
the chemo had weakened the muscle. The blood wasn’t
getting pumped through right. The oxygenation was off.
There was the possibility of the organ just giving out.
My heart was doing that ache thing again. More and more
the thought of loss was completely debilitating. Ben’s best
hope was that the treatment would work. He already
qualified for a transplant. I wasn’t sure where he was on the
list. It was just that transplants were so few and far between.
It only made me more determined to get him to Switzerland,
to give him something to live for.
In this case, I knew I was enough, but…I wanted more.
One idea came to mind, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up.
It was too early to even speak it. So, I would wait until the
right moment. After the wedding. Maybe on the long plane
ride.
Ben slept forever. He slept so long that I finally had to remove
him from my lap so I could pee. He slept so long that we
ended up having a late dinner that was dangerously close to
a midnight snack.
“You aren’t eating much,” he commented as we lounged
on the floor near the windows and stared out at the
fountains while we ate.
Grabbing at my stomach, I said, “I have a wedding dress
to fit into!” Laughter came easily to me at the moment. I was
madly in love with this man. We were about to do something
I thought I’d never do. Maybe even a few things.
“As long as that’s all it is,” he said absently. “I noticed
you used my phone to call Brenda.”
“Brenda?” I asked as I tapped my chin, pretending to be
deep in thought. “Oh, you must mean ‘Killjoy’.” Then I
raised an eyebrow at him. “It made me glad you don’t have
my phone number. What would my moniker be…’ball and
chain?’ That’s mean, Ben.”
“I would never call you anything of the sort. And
shouldn’t I have your contact information by now?” he asked
seriously.
Puckering my lips, I considered the truth of his question.
“I guess so. Pass me your phone.”
“What are you going to do?” he asked, sounding a bit
nervous.
“It’s just easier for me to add my info. Shoot. I’m so
confident in our relationship now, we could get it tattooed
on our bodies,” I joked.
“Hey, that’s what we could do!” he exclaimed happily.
“What?” I asked. “When?”
“Right now. Finish eating. We’re going on a field trip.” He
looked more excited than I had seen him look all day…even
with the proposal.
So I did as he requested, eating everything on my plate,
including my veggies. Then I asked that same question any
girl would ask in such a situation. “What do I wear?”
“Be comfortable. This may take a while.” He was
beaming, so proud of himself for this idea. His happiness
was contagious.
Soon we headed out of the hotel to enjoy his little field trip. He
drove my vehicle. Imagining Jolie’s response to that had me
laughing. We didn’t let men drive our vehicles. I wondered if
that also applied to husbands. Let’s face it. He could afford to
replace my vehicle. He drove a Lexus. I drove a Ford. And I
liked it that way.
To my surprise, we stopped in front of a tattoo shop. He
looked at me with a sparkle in his eye. “Ready for this?” He
asked.
“Sure. Do I get to pick, or are you handling that part,
too?” I smiled at him sweetly. I’d never had a tattoo before,
but it was something I had often considered.
“You decide,” he urged. “I’ve been thinking about it. I
have no idea what to get. I just know that I want something
to signify our relationship. I’m going to have to look.”
I knew the message I wanted to send. I knew the design I
wanted made. “I’m not doing your name. That’s tacky. Oh,
but you will know that this is all about you forever, Ben. I
promise.”
When I was hunting online once, I saw this tattoo of a
heart and an infinity sign in the middle broke it up. It had
stuck with me. I wondered over what kind of girl would wear
such a piece of body art…forever. Smirking, I realized…I
would. I would be that girl, for Ben. Still, I would have to
alter it some.
There was a guy behind the counter who would have
scared the shit out of me had we met in a dark alley. He was
huge, muscles bulging from under his sleeveless shirt. He
had numerous piercings on his face and every available piece
of real estate seemed to be inked. I paused for a moment.
“Do you know what you want?” he asked, sounding much
nicer than I would have pictured.
“Ummm, yeah. Can I draw you a rough version?” So I did.
It was that same symbol I had described. Only part of the
bottom of the infinity symbol was a cursive forever. And
underneath, I had a right centered “Just BE.”
“Yeah.” The guy nodded. “I like that. Where do you want
it?”
Lifting my shirt, I pointed to that indented spot of my
lower abdomen near my hips. There I would see it often
enough to keep me happy. Yet it would be private enough
that just Ben and I would know it was there. Seemed perfect.
The guy nodded, then looked at Ben for a reaction. “What
about you?” He was a man of few words. At this time of
night, I rather liked that.
“Huh. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, but now…I’m
thinking of just the infinity symbol, but I want it to say ‘Sin’
on the top left and ‘forever’ in the bottom right. He lifted his
shirt to expose his chest. “And I want it right here, over my
heart.”
The tattoo artist said, “You know that your heart—”
Without thinking, I interrupted. “Oh, he knows where his
heart is better than most,” I assured him. Then I turned to
Ben. “It definitely should be there. That’s perfect.”
Minutes later, I was passed off to a woman with a cougar
pattern tattooed around her hairline. And Ben was being
taken care of by the tattoo artist who had been working with
us. “This was a brilliant idea,” I said to Ben. “Honest and
truly. I love it.”
“Hope you still love it when the pain starts,” he joked.
Several hours later we were back at the hotel. “Let’s go to
bed,” I suggested with a yawn. “I didn’t sleep away the
evening.”
With a laugh, he agreed. “Can we just watch the sunrise
first?”
So while I moved furniture so that we had a nice cozy spot
from an eastern facing window, he called for room service.
“We have forty minutes,” he said with a smile. “This is our
last night doing this premarital sex thing. I’ve heard there’s
a lot of more that than there is married sex. I thought maybe
we should get it in while we could, before we marry at sunset
tonight.”
The way he said it gave me chills. “What did you have in
mind?” I asked, knowing that this could definitely lead to
amazing sex and restful sleep.
Moments later, he hauled out The Loving Game. We had it
set up, the directions read, and were in hotel bathrobes
within ten minutes. The ambiance was perfect in our suite.
Food would be here soon, the sun would be rising, and we
were determined to get in a game before bed.
His first question had us making out with a timer. It was
wonderful having his hands roaming over my body while his
tongue made love with mine. There was something so
wonderful about his hands that were just rough enough for
me to believe he had performed an honest day’s labor at
least once or twice in his life. He knew just the way to touch
me and the sensations rocked me to my core. Never before
had I felt this way. Because of who he was and how he
treated me, there would never be another.
Then it was my turn. He drew a card to ask me a question.
“What is one thing you want more than anything that your
partner doesn’t know about?” He looked at me with a
curious smile, wondering how I would respond.
Actually, I wondered too. So, I spoke and let the thoughts
flow. “Hmmm. Well, we’re about to get married. I love my
career. We may have found a second house in Vegas. The
only thing you don’t know about…is that I want to have our
baby.” I shrugged then, like it was no big deal, trying to
brush it off because at the moment, I wanted nothing more
than to have him in me.
I needed to feel the weight of him pressing down on me
while he slammed into me, claimed me, made me his and his
alone over and over again. Somehow, I doubted that talking
about having a baby, especially by less than conventional
means, was going to inspire the kind of sex fest I desired.
“I’m sorry. What was that?” He looked confused and yet…
hopeful, like he was being handed some present that he
secretly wanted, yet thought no one knew to give him.
Taking a deep breath, I struggled to explain. “We’re
getting married. You have frozen sperm. While you are
getting treatment, I thought I’d work on preparing to get
inseminated.” I jumped up. This conversation was too real,
too serious, too heavy for this time of day.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“The door. It thought I heard the door.” I started toward
the door, knowing full well there hadn’t been a knock.
Ben had other plans. He reached out and grabbed me by
my leg until I lost my balance and fell smoothly into his
arms. “Now tell me,” he said evenly while his sparkling eyes
gave away his excitement.
“I want to try right away. While we’re young. No need to
wait.” My thoughts were coming out in choppy sentences
that I wasn’t sure even made sense. “Please.”
“You want to have my baby?” he asked, incredulously.
“You’re going to make me a daddy? You want to make us a
family?” He beamed at me. “Oh, Sin, I will spoil the hell out
of you and our child.”
“I know you will,” I said with a shy nod. This had gone
over so much better than I imagined.
Before we could discuss it further, there really was a
knock on the door. I really did have to get up and answer it.
“We’ll talk more later,” I assured him as I walked over to
answer it.
It was room service. And Jolie. Our wedding day had truly
arrived.
25
“D on’t worry about me,” Jolie said. “Just show me to my
room and I’ll see you in a few hours. I stayed up all
night working and decided to take an earlier flight.”
“Nice seeing you,” I said as she walked past me, dragging
her bag and holding high her garment bag.
“Oh, sorry. I’ll be nicer by lunch.” She hugged me and I
pointed in the direction of the room she’d be sharing with
Brenda.
“Go rest,” I said with a smile.
Ben was staring at me with this goofy smile on his face.
“Happy?” I asked him as I walked back over, carrying our
plates.
“I am ecstatic,” he admitted. “Thank you, Sin. You are
giving me all my dreams.”
“Hey, I haven’t given you anything yet,” I joked. Only
from the look on his face, the way he hugged me so tightly, I
knew that I already had. This was nice, this early in love
stage where there were so many declarations about the
future and forever. It was nice to know that we, however,
were going to keep them all, make them real.
“Shall we rest after we eat too?” he asked. “I’m expecting
Brenda around noon.”
“Yes,” I agreed. “Rest for sure.”
“Okay, but at eleven am, I have a surprise for you, so this
is really just a nap. Okay?” He looked so proud of himself
that I couldn’t possibly do anything to alter it. Besides, by
now, his surprises were actually growing on me. Goodness
knows I had given him a fair share of surprises lately too.
“Sure. Why not?” I said with a shrug.
“Docile and obedient Sin. That’s new look for you. Not
even married and you are already tamed?” He teased.
My eyes flashed at him. “Don’t push it.”
Laughing, he went back to eating his breakfast. I stared at
him, at this face that I would be seeing across the breakfast
table the rest of my life. This was right. This man who could
make me laugh and accept the best and worst of me, he was
the one who offered me a future that I never imagined living
and a love that I can’t live without.
Soon, I excused myself and headed into bed. Stripping
down to nothing, I climbed under the covers and waited with
my eyes closed. It didn’t take long. Within ten minutes, Ben
came and joined me, naked and warm. His arms wrapped
around me and hauled me close. It was perfect. In twelve
hours, I would be his wife.
Just before eleven in the morning, Ben woke me from the
sweetest dreams ever. For the first time, I was dreaming like
a girl. It was our wedding. Everything was ideal…the
weather, the location, the sunset. Everyone was happy and
enjoying themselves…you know, all four of us. It was the
kind of dream that I simply didn’t want to wake up from.
“Come on, babe. It’s our wedding day,” he said as he
shoved me gently to try and rouse me from sleep.
So I woke because, for the first time ever, my dreams
finally could compete with my reality. It was often even
better; although I could eat whatever I wanted in my dreams
without repercussions, this waking time wasn’t so bad.
There was Ben, and judging by the sound coming from the
main living area of the suite, there was Brenda and Jolie too.
“Brenda caught an earlier flight. She arrived about half an
hour ago. I explained to her that we were just two wild and
crazy kids who stayed up all night to enjoy our last night
single.” He smiled at me as my eyes slowly opened, trying to
process everything.
Slowly, I sat up with little concern for the covers since
there was no need for modesty with him…my almost real
husband. My mind was still foggy from lack of sleep and
being awakened mid sleep cycle. “What’s up?” I asked.
“Well, we’re getting married in about eight hours. In the
meantime, I planned a lovely way for all of us to relax and
unwind before the big event.” He nuzzled my face and neck,
planting soft, warm kisses all over.
Knocking him backward, I was suddenly on him,
straddling him. “Well, I guess we blew our last chance for
single sex, huh?” I winked.
“True,” he admitted, “but I’ve heard good things about
honeymoon sex.”
Smiling, I said, “I’ll make sure you experience good
honeymoon sex.” Then I did that girl thing again. “What do I
wear? Do I need a shower?”
Shaking his head, he told me to simply get a suit on. “And
I know you love that monokini, but a bikini would be better
today. Do you have one, or do we need to go buy you one?”
“Nope, I have one,” I told him. “No need to go shopping.
Yesterday wore me out.” I smiled at him and hugged him
around his neck. Sitting up once more, I suddenly felt super
giddy. “We’re getting married today.” I stood and threw on a
robe. “I’ll be right back,” I said calmly.
Throwing open the door, I rushed out to the main room.
Jolie was sitting on the couch, talking to Brenda. They had
never met previously and I was glad to see they seemed to be
getting on. Stopping right in front of Jolie, I squealed. “I’m
getting married today!”
Jumping up and down with me…we screamed like the girls
we always used to make fun of. We danced around. I paused
and reached out to Brenda to join us. She smiled and stood,
seeming glad to have been invited into our circle. “We’re
getting married!” We danced around a little more before Ben
poked his head out of the bedroom.
“Oh my God. You, too, Brenda?” He teased.
I hugged Jolie and Brenda close. “Thank you so much for
being here for us. I couldn’t imagine doing this without
either of you.” We parted a bit and I addressed Brenda.
“Before I forget…passport?”
She shot a triumphant look at Ben, then reached in her
purse and pulled it out. “Here. I can’t thank you enough.”
Hugging her again, I announced, “Ben says we need to
get into bathing suits. Let’s go!”
Once we had all changed and assembled, Ben brought us to
our cabana. “Damn, I could get used to this,” I said as I
looked around. This one was even more opulent than the one
at the The Venetian. That was saying something. We had
another server who took care of all of our needs whether it
be drinks or food. There was plenty of food.
We had only been snacking and lounging around in the
sun for a brief period of time when Ben announced that our
masseurs were here. Sure enough, there was one for each of
us, except Ben.
“Hey, where’s yours?” I asked. “You aren’t having a
massage.”
Shaking his head, he replied, “You are the only one I want
rubbing me down, babe.” Then he came over and planted a
kiss on my lips. “You relax and enjoy. I’m going back to the
room to rest. Have some girl time.”
Nodding in agreement, I watched him walk away, but
once he was out of earshot, I looked at Brenda. “I think he’s
getting worse,” I commented. “His sleep schedule is all off.
He sleeps more and more. Even when he’s not sleeping, he
acts more tired than he has been previously.” I took a deep
breath. “I’m scared, Brenda.”
“Are you sure you just aren’t wearing him out in bed?”
Jolie joked. “I know that you have a healthy appetite.”
Shaking my head sadly, I admitted the truth of our
situation. “He hasn’t been in the mood much, or he’s tired,
or something, but since the hospital…things have really
slowed down.”
Brenda frowned. “You’re right, Sin. It’s not a good sign.”
Grabbing my laptop, I opened the files she sent. One of
them had the phone number to the clinic. I had thought that
I could wait until after the wedding to call, but now the time
seemed right, especially since he wasn’t looming over me.
The masseurs started working on Jolie and Brenda. I
asked mine if I could just have a moment to make that
important call. He nodded and stepped back while I punched
in the numbers. Since it was nine at night in Switzerland, I
figured I’d be leaving a message that would be returned
later, but to my surprise, within a minute I was on the phone
with the man running the study who agreed that given the
symptoms I was describing, there was no time like the
present to get Ben the help he needed. They could make
room for him tomorrow or the next day. That settled that.
We could honeymoon any time. The important thing was
that I have a groom to honeymoon with.
Then I made a final call to the airlines. We would be
leaving from Vegas the very next morning, heading to the
airport for seven in the morning, with the flight departing
just before nine. We’d have a connecting flight in
Philadelphia, and then fly through the night to land in
Lugano Switzerland around the next evening. It would be
nineteen hours of actual travel time given time changes.
That’s a lot of time changes.
Naturally I worried over how well Ben would handle it. Of
course, he had me.
Hopefully that would help. And I had a massage waiting
for me. Not many people had a chance to honeymoon in
Switzerland. With that happy thought firmly planted in my
mind, I motioned for my masseur.
At six in the evening, we were all dressed and ready to go to
the Valley of Fire for the wedding. We had a limo waiting for
us downstairs. We knew this because we had kicked Ben out
some time ago so I could get dressed. We had to ride
together, but I wanted him to get as much of the full effect as
possible.
We headed down in the elevator. As soon as the doors
opened, I had hoped to see Ben standing there waiting for us.
Instead, we were met by a lobby full of strangers. We
continued straight out the doors to the waiting limo. That’s
where we found him, sitting in the back seat making some
phone calls.
He stepped out and stood when he saw us. “Wow,” he
said as he took my hand. “You look incredible. I can’t believe
you are mine.” Leaning in, he admitted his one concern.
“I’m afraid of kissing you. I don’t want to mess up your
face.”
“Hey, this is mostly natural and I can just add more lip
gloss as needed,” I commented. Ben grabbed me, dipped me
low, and kissed me deeply. “Guess you’ll need to repaint
those lips,” he murmured against my cheek. Then he pulled
back and looked at me seriously. “Thank you,” he said.
“Thank you for marrying me, thank you for sticking it out.
Thank you for loving me back. I’ll do everything I can to
make you happy.”
Then we all loaded into the limo and drove out to the
Valley of Fire.
It was just as I imagined it would be. It was everything I
would have hoped for. Most importantly, it was just like I
told Brenda when I was helping her with that wedding—it
was all about the feelings. The ceremony passed in a blur;
even an hour later as we drove back, I barely remembered it.
I knew that we had both chickened out on writing our own
vows. We had opted instead to go the traditional route,
although I told the minister to forgo the obey part. We all
knew where we stood right from the onset.
I remembered the setting…the gorgeous red rocks that did
in fact look like they were on fire as the sun was setting. It
wasn’t about the words. The words were a technicality, a
formality. I had been married to Ben from the moment we
met. We were official the moment he proposed in the ship
jewelry shop. We were one the first time we made love…not
that time with Jolie. That was sex. That was fun. Oh, but the
first time we were alone and able to enjoy one another…it
was just me and BE forever.
Thankfully, there are pictures. I’m a little nervous about
what they may have captured. There was one moment, when
we first came together on the rocks where the sun hit me
just right and tears came pouring down my face.
“I love wedding tears,” Brenda had murmured.
“Oh, Sin doesn’t cry,” Jolie said, but I swear she was
rolling her eyes when she said it.
It was Ben who handled the situation best. “Oh, Sin. Do
you want some sunglasses? This sunset, while beautiful, is
hitting you in the eyes, huh?”
Somehow I managed to nod as I grabbed him by the back
of his neck and hauled him close enough to kiss a few times.
The minister interrupted. “It’s not time for that yet,” he
chided.
“Do we look like we are all worried about formalities
around here?” I asked as I wiped at my face.
“I think what she means is that there’s an extra big tip in
it for you if you just loosen up,” Ben said. Then he looked at
me and smiled this loving smile.
The minister relaxed after that. The official kiss came
after many more little kisses. The paperwork was signed.
And after a lengthy photography session, it was official, and
we were back in the limo, headed to the suite.
We had ordered a dinner to be delivered to the room.
There was even a server to make it super special. We cut the
cakes. Yes, I did eat a slice from each. I told myself it was to
settle my stomach. I told myself it was because I had
nineteen hours of plane food to look forward to. Really, we
all knew that I was eating my emotions.
“Baby, what’s with your nerves?” Ben asked.
At first, I didn’t know what to say. After taking a
fortifying swig of wine, I spoke, “We’re heading to
Switzerland immediately. We’ll be leaving for the airport
around six-thirty am. Now say something.”
My words had come out all rapid fire and jumbled. I was
afraid that it was spark our first fight. Instead, he looked at
me, hauled me close, and kissed me hard on the lips.
“You did the right thing,” he admitted. “I’m really not
feeling right lately. After our recent talks, I know I have a lot
to live for. Let’s go fix me so that my next challenge is to be
an amazing husband and father.”
I nodded and sniffled. “Thank you for that.”
Ben looked at his phone. “It’s almost ten pm,” he told
me. “What if we have our dance and then we go to bed?”
“Yes,” I said while nodding feverishly. Then I glanced
about. “Where are we going to dance?”
“Oh, babe, I’ve totally got this,” he said. Then he took out
his phone, hooked it up to portable speakers, and selected a
song from his iTunes. “Mrs. Everly? Wait…you are going by
Mrs. Everly these days, aren’t you?” he asked.
Smiling, I nodded, “Absolutely. It’s an honor.”
“As I was saying, Mrs. Everly, may I have this dance?” he
asked as he bowed slightly and held out his hand.
Taking it in mine, I felt something like magic. This was
the hand that was going to hold mine the rest of my life.
Somehow. Someway. We were going to make it through this.
Then the song started playing…Bon Jovi’s (You Want to) Make
a Memory.
It couldn’t have been more perfect, more suited to our
life. Every moment is a precious memory for us. This night
was our biggest memory yet. I lay my head on his shoulder
as we swayed to the music. Soon I was singing it to him.
“I love that you can sing,” he said happily. “I swear,
every day I learn something new about you, something more
to love, another reason to feel utterly blessed to have you in
my life.”
What could I say to that? I was terrible at taking a
compliment. “Let’s go to bed.” I suggested. “Let me show
you how much I love you.”
Looking down at me, he nodded. “We’ll say goodnight to
Jolie and Brenda. Then bed. We have to leave early anyway.”
The goodnights took no time at all. We hugged and we
made promises about keeping in touch. Neither of us was
sure how long the treatment was going to take. I knew that
soon I would be starting fertility drugs. I might have to come
back to California to get inseminated. We’d know more soon
enough, once the doctors all spoke but not before.
Walking into our room, I didn’t want to think about any
of that. I didn’t want to consider anything past this one
moment. It seemed that Ben and I were of the same mind. He
paused and looked at me, ready to carry me over the
threshold.
“Yeah, rain check on that,” I said without even
considering it. He opened his mouth to object and I
interrupted. “Hey, babe…let’s save that energy for
something really special.” Then I winked.
Once we made it through the door and it had closed safely
behind us, we started to kiss, our tongues growing more
insistent, our hands fumbling to make short work of our
clothes.
“Careful,” I begged. “I love this dress. I picked it for you.”
He slowed his fingers some, his movements less jerky, more
assured. Instead of allowing the dress to pool around my
ankles like so many before, he let me step out of it and then
he hung it over the chair in the corner of the room.
Smiling, I waited for him to come back to me. All I had
left was a teeny tiny thong that I really considered
disposable. He didn’t disappoint. It was soon ripped off my
hips thrown in an opposite direction. It was my turn to
undress him. The buttons on the shirt were undone, one by
one, until his mounting frustration was evident in his
growls.
I dropped to my knees before him to remove his pants.
Sure, I didn’t need to. My hands knew how to remove them
while standing, but where was the fun in that when I could
have the perfect view of his cock springing free from his
boxers if I was planted on the floor in front of him.
The moment I had his khakis off, and his boxers were
lowered, I took his throbbing erection in hand…and then in
mouth. When I was confident I had it good and lubed from
head to base, I pushed him back ever so gently on the bed.
The tattoo on his chest gave me a good deal of pleasure.
No outsider would understand the significance of it, but we
did. That’s what mattered. I straddled him for a moment
before I had teased him into my vagina as far as our bodies
would allow. I sat, proudly impaled on him, willing and eager
to do all the work so that he could reap the reward without
suffering through any task that might just hurt his heart. We
were so close to treatment that I wasn’t taking any risks.
Love was a big enough gamble. I didn’t want to factor in
his health and destroy the balance, alter the odds. This man
was the house. The house always wins. More than anything, I
wanted him to beat this, to be around for as close to forever
as humans were allowed.
Without warning, he flipped me onto my back, knotted
his hands in mine and pressed into me. My hips rose to meet
him.
“This is our first married sex, gorgeous. Let’s make it
memorable,” he murmured into my ear as he licked his way
down my neck. His teeth grazed my skin only heightening
my level of excitement.
Without hesitation, I kissed him on his new tattoo, then
licked and teased his nipple. He growled in satisfaction,
which had me turning my attention to the other one. It
didn’t take him but a moment before he was returning the
favor. My breasts are my favorite erogenous zone; couple
that with the way he was grinding against me, rubbing my
clit just right and I was completely on fire. Every bit of me
was going up in flames for this man.
“Can you come for me, baby,” he murmured. “Tell me
you’re close, Sin. I’m so close. I don’t know if I can hold out
for you.”
When he gave me that kind of warning, I knew I wasn’t
close enough. Shaking my head, I said, “You go.” There’s no
one else in the world I would have been that selfless for. It
was as though he knew.
Pulling out, he shoved a couple of fingers inside me while
he worked my clit with his tongue. Instantly, the pressure
was building. I could feel that I was suddenly much closer
than I had been only moments before. Ben knew it too. Soon,
he had removed his fingers and was slamming back into me.
“How about now?” he asked with a smirk.
Nodding, I was pleased to feel his pace quicken slightly.
The intensity had me whimpering. Moments later, he
exploded within and my muscles contracted around him
harder than ever before.
There was nothing left to say in that moment, but the
obvious. “I love you, Sin,” he murmured.
“Oh, Ben,” I whispered. “I love you more.”
26
B en
Ben’s Head…that’s what I had taken to calling the journal that
they made me keep here. That’s how it works with these
studies. They like to know how we feel, what we think. They
measure the impact on our minds as much as they measure
the impact on our bodies.
If I seem anxious, if I seem rushed and impatient, then
that would be completely accurate. I haven’t seen Sin in close
to four weeks. She had to go home, my home, our home. It
made me smile to think like this. Ours. With any luck, this
time apart will mean that there is another ‘ours’ in the
works.
True to her word, Sin started working on getting pregnant
the minute we stepped off the plane. She met with the
fertility clinic here and explained our situation. I was busy
getting started on my own treatment, so I wasn’t there, but I
can absolutely imagine how that conversation went.
Damn, I love that woman. She told me that they had
reservations about giving her any fertility drugs. I asked her
how she had convinced them to reconsider.
“Simple,” she had said, “I reminded them that we were
paying for this. I reminded them that it was my body. Then I
reminded them that we had one shot at this, I had to make
the most of it. So, they prescribed Clomid. And since I started
bleeding today, the drugs will start in five days. I’ll have to
take them days five through nine of my cycle.”
“Then what?” I had asked out of concern. I pretty much
knew where this was headed. I guess I just needed to hear
her say it.
“Well, day twelve is the ultrasound where we start
counting our eggs before they burst forth. It’ll be fun!” she
joked.
My mood was fast deteriorating. “Then what?” There was
no sperm for her here. She would be California bound in no
time, long before me. How was I going to survive this time
apart? She had become my lifeline, my sanity, my whole
world.
“So,” she said slowly, “if I’m ovulating, we send me
home to get inseminated. I’ll be there to pick you up from
the airport.” She smiled brightly at me, but I could see in her
face that the distance was going to bother her too.
Aside from the distance, I was worried about the Clomid
itself. I had argued with her about taking fertility drugs. I’d
have had to live under a rock to not know about the side
effects. “Aren’t you worried about multiples?” I asked her.
“Worried? Nah. You’ll be here to help me. We never fail
when we work as a team.” She reminded me. Then she
leaned in and kissed the tip of my nose.
It was as close as she could get. I was wired to everything
known to man and had multiple IV drips running into my
body. Still, I was a little surprised she hadn’t tried to weave
her way through the tubing to get to me. It was unlike her.
Her drugs were ordered right away. By the time we had
been here a week, we were quite the pair. I was worn out. I
soon grew puffy from the steroids. Only while that was
where my side effects ended, hers extended to nausea too. It
hurt me watching her walk around in such agony, but would
you believe she never complained?
“Oh, babe, I’m so sorry you aren’t feeling well,” I said on
multiple occasions.
She would simply shake her head. “I want this. We want
this. And if you can be brave and try something new, so can
I.”
Having her around was like a constant breath of fresh air.
Sin had a way of making everything seem better, easier, and
more doable. When I heard that I would be there for six
weeks of treatments, I was crushed, until Sin pointed out
that it was a really short period of time if it meant we had a
lifetime together.
Then came the bad news. Day twelve. The ultrasound. We
counted. There were lots of potential eggs. If they all
dropped and all were inseminated, we’d be having a litter.
Worse, she would have to go back to California for the
procedure. Yes, we’re the only couple who makes a baby on
separate continents with an ocean between us. Eh, we’ll have
stories to tell.
The one bright spot was that the clinic made a special
exemption for us. They postponed my morning treatment;
they gave us some alone time before we left the facility.
“Come closer,” I said to Sin. She wore her worried look, the
one that had taken up residence on her face as of late. “I
need to tell you something,” I began as I reached for her
hand to tug her close. In preparations for our departure, I
had been unhooked from everything. It felt like freedom
from this medical prison. What I was about to do…felt like a
conjugal visit.
Oh, but I wanted Sin to know how much I love her. I
wanted her to know that I was devoted to her, to us, and our
mutual projects. There was one way I knew how to do that.
She was wearing a long flowing sundress.
“I swear you did this to torture me.” I teased her, running
my hand over the spaghetti strap.
“Hey, I just wanted to look pretty for you one last time. As
I recall, you really liked this dress…around my ankles,” she
joked.
Gripping the straps, I slid them off her shoulders. “Still
do,” I murmured as I pulled the dress lower on her. I was
sitting on the bed while she stood in front of me. The minute
her perky breasts were exposed, I leaned forward, wrapped
my arms around her waist, and licked and sucked on one
lazily for a moment as I savored every aspect of her.
I could hear her moaning in pleasure. Looking up at her I
said, “Don’t mind me, babe. Just making a memory.” Then I
sucked harder, loving the feel of her hardened nipple as my
tongue tormented it. “You smell so good,” I murmured.
“It’s that perfume you bought me in Grand Turk,” she
managed to whisper.
Chuckling, I said, “No, the natural smell of you, the taste
of you.” Slowly, I slid one hand down her hip, over her
buttocks, until I was able to slide it up her thigh until I found
her thong. It was one of my favorite string ones. I expended
very little effort in slipping a finger past that lace patch and
right into her wet pussy.
Throwing her head back, she let out a whimper. “Oh,
Ben,” she murmured, “I love you. Only you for always.”
Lying back, I moved her, tugged her to me, onto me, until
I had her where I wanted her…straddling my face. She moved
to try to touch me, but I was firm. “No. This is for you and
you alone.”
So I went by feeling and judged by her reaction. I sucked
and licked. I teased her clit. I could feel her, hear all of her
tells. She was close. I reached up and teased her nipples with
my fingers and massaged her with my palms, until finally
she shuddered, whimpered, and came.
“Only you for always, Sin,” I reminded her as I held her
one last time.
She pulled her clothes back on. I washed my face and
brushed my teeth. Then there was the knock on the door that
signaled the end of our time together. So, I went to the
airport with her to see her off. As goodbyes go, ours was
pretty intense.
“Nearly four weeks,” I told her. “I don’t know if I’ll have
the strength to go through this without you. Why don’t I just
go home with you now?”
“Ben, you know that this isn’t long enough to see a result.
Give it just another couple of weeks. We’ll take it from there.
Next time we see each other, I could very well be pregnant
with your child.” She smiled at me and held me while I sat in
my wheelchair. It wasn’t quite necessary, the wheelchair, but
close.
Since I didn’t want her sad or jeopardize her pending
insemination in any way, I stayed. I stayed and made sure
the last time she saw me, I had a smile on my face, just as I
made sure to leave her with a smile on hers.
We talked every day. Every. Day. It was no small task. We
were nine hours apart. So, when it was two in the morning
here, it was five in the evening the day before there. Mostly, I
would try to call her via Skype when it was mid-morning
there so it was evening here. I wanted her to get plenty of
rest.
When we talked after our first few days apart, she had just
been inseminated. “What was that like? I’m sorry I couldn’t
be there for you, Sin,” I told her. “I’m supposed to be there.
That’s the way it’s done.”
“Babe,” she said. “We married after knowing each other
only a few weeks. When have we ever done anything the way
it’s supposed to be done? We do things our way. I like it.”
“Did it hurt?” I asked. I knew that if anyone would be
honest with me, I could count on that from Sin.
“Some. Still does. They had to go in through the cervix. I
was told to expect mild cramping.” She sighed. I could see
the pain on her face as she lay in our bed, surrounded by
mounds of pillows. “I wouldn’t call this mild, but it is what it
is.”
She smiled at me then…a smile that lit up my heart. “I
have a piece of you in me,” she said happily. “With any luck,
we’re making a baby as we speak.”
That was when Brenda the Killjoy walked in the room.
“Ben, let Sin rest. I’m here to take care of her. You can call
back tomorrow.” Then my sister, my twin, the one who
shared a womb with me and has known me since we were
eggs…well, she hung up on me. I was not impressed.
What did impress me, however, was her devotion. It
seemed in my absence, she and Sin had grown closer. They
ate meals together. Sin helped out around the winery. Brenda
seemed less tense. It had to be my wife working her brand of
magic again.
So the weeks passed and I wasn’t supposed to ask. We had
agreed that I would find out when she picked me up from the
airport. Just like we had agreed that we wouldn’t talk about
the success of the treatments until we saw each other in
person again. That kind of policy had served us well in the
past.
Now, however, it was killing me. Here we were, hours
from my flight home. They were proving to be the longest
hours of my life. At least she promised to Skype with me one
last time before I hopped on the plane and came home to her.
It was time. She should be ready to hear from me. It rang
and rang. Just when I thought that she wasn’t going to
answer, she did. “God, you are a sight. I can’t wait to see
you, gorgeous,” I told her.
“Well, thank goodness you are coming in at night time.
Mornings are not good for me lately,” she said, her eyes
twinkling.
“Hey! I thought we weren’t supposed to talk about it. Did
you just insinuate that you are having morning sickness?” I
was on the edge of the bed, trying to peer closer at her. I
couldn’t tell. Would I recognize if she were glowing?
“I didn’t say that. It would be way too soon for me to have
morning sickness…unless my hormones were all out of
whack because I was having twins or triplets…” She let her
voice trail off, leaving everything to my imagination.
I knew my eyes were glistening with tears. I knew it. I
could feel them filling up. “Happy tears,” I told her when I
saw that she was about to question. That was the first time I
ever lied to my wife.
We vowed to see each other soon. I told her that I couldn’t
wait. That was the truth. I told her I was great. Man, I hated
ending the call with another lie. Finally, I told her the biggest
truth of all. “Sin, I love you more than anything. I love you
and I love our child or children…whatever we are blessed
with. I’ll be home soon.”
When I ended our conversation, the therapist came to see
me. “How are you feeling about things?” he asked.
“I’m not thrilled.” The tests have shown that my success
was short lived. He told me that I was still in the same
position I had been before I came here. Only…now I’ve lost
weeks I should have spent with my wife. I leaned over and
grabbed my head with both hands. My voice came out a
whisper. “She’s pregnant with my baby…maybe even babies.
And I’m dying. How do I tell her that? How do I leave her?”
The therapist made a really helpful suggestion, like I
should continue to see a therapist when I made it home, that
we both should. He claimed it would help us deal with the
reality of things.
“I don’t want to deal with it. I want a solution. Does this
raise me up on the transplant list? Isn’t that my final option?
My last chance?” I stared at him intently.
“I’ll let you speak with your specialist,” he said.
So my final act before heading off to the hospital was to
speak with the doctor who had been taking care of me here
at the clinic. He in turn put me on the phone with my
cardiologist back home. And finally, I had some assurances
that I was already ranked most critical on the transplant list,
already had been deemed a candidate for a new heart. My cell
phone was to be kept on at all times. Any minute I could get
that call.
“How often do hearts come around?” I asked out of sheer
curiosity.
I could hear him shifting in his seat. “Well, it’s hard to
say, but we need you to come into the office tomorrow. I’ve
made an appointment through your wife. I told her it was a
follow-up.” He sounded calm. He should. He wasn’t dying.
The flight was long. Once again I was being routed through
Philadelphia. When I arrived there, I called Sin. We were only
a few hours from being able to hold each other for the first
time in nearly a month.
“God, babe,” I said, “I am going to make love to you. I am
going to hold you all night. I have missed you so much.”
“No fat jokes. No seeing me naked,” she said with a
chuckle. “And no way am I letting you out of my sight ever
again. I miss you more than I can ever explain.”
I could hear Brenda in the background. “What’s going on
with her?” I asked. “She sounds…high strung for a change.”
“Oh, the usual. She is worried that we’re never going to
get done in time. She’s worried we’ll be late to pick you up.
Who else would come get you? If we’re a few minutes late,
chalk it up to traffic. Soon. We’ll see you soon,” she said,
sounding remarkably relaxed.
“You’ve got it,” I said.
Then I boarded the plane. You wouldn’t have recognized
me. I was that annoying guy on the plane. My laptop was
acting as the worst travel slide show ever. The poor woman
next to me had to listen to every detail of our courtship. She
had to listen to our history and then my hopes for our future.
Yes, I was the Forrest Gump of planes without the box of
chocolate. Judging by the look on her face, the chocolate
would have helped.
We landed on time. We taxied to our gate. We moved in
the orderly fashion the flight attendants commanded. I was
one of the first ones off because of my heart condition. I had
to have help with my carry on. And, given my restrictions, I
had to be pushed through the airport in a wheelchair. I hated
it. I really, really hated it. As if having my wife require
artificial insemination with my frozen sperm wasn’t
emasculating enough, now I was being pushed around. I was
practically useless…except that I could still hold her. If I
made it another eight months, I’d be able to hold our child
too.
So, I waited at the pickup area. I waited to see the woman
I love and my sister. I loved Brenda too. I couldn’t wait to tell
her how much I appreciated her helping Sin, being there for
her, going above and beyond to keep her busy and
comfortable when I couldn’t. I was going to tell her all that
and more. Finally, I had my shot at being a real family, if
only for a little while. Nothing was going to mess that up or
take it away from me.
After a while I checked my phone. They were half an hour
late. That wasn’t like Sin. Then they were an hour late and I
was starting to worry. I kept checking my phone. I hadn’t
missed any calls from her. So, I would call her. Time and
again I called. It went directly to voicemail. The same would
happen with Brenda’s phone.
Every time it happened, there was this lump in my throat
that made it difficult for me to breathe. My chest kept
tightening. I was using every technique I had ever been
taught to try and stay relaxed. Let’s face it; I couldn’t afford
to tax my heart. The only thing that had kept me strong this
long was Sin. I had to see her.
After a few more minutes, my phone rang. It was the
hospital. They had a heart for me. Yes! A heart. Only…where
was Sin? I couldn’t go through this without her. I told the
hospital that. I told them I would get there as soon as my
wife picked me up. They were adamant that the heart had an
expiration time. I had to get there immediately. Instead of
waiting, they suggested I take a cab.
“Fine, I’ll take that cab,” I said. “Please, just help me get
in touch with my wife.” I gave them the numbers. They
assured me that they would call. So, I dragged my luggage
and myself to the exit, to the nearest waiting cab, and gave
the address of the hospital.
It wasn’t a long drive…maybe all of twenty minutes. While
we drove, I sent text messages to Sin. Then when I received
no response, I sent similar messages to Brenda. There was a
team that met me when we pulled up at the hospital.
They brought me to a room and left the door ajar while I
changed for surgery. I was instructed to pee in the cup. The
nurse would be in to check my vitals in a moment. Then
what little chest hair I had would be removed. Once again I
realized how wise Sin was. Even though I was about to have a
scar down my chest, the most eye catching part of my front
was going to be that tattoo. Sin forever.
They hooked me up to an IV. I questioned it, since I
expected that would happen in the ER. Once again, I asked
about my wife.
“He’s going to need some Valium. Let’s keep him calm.
We don’t need elevated pressures before surgery,” one of the
nurses said.
Then I heard them talking out in the hall. My eyes were
closed. They probably thought I was asleep, but really, I was
just trying to hold it together until I could see Sin.
“So this is our transplant patient? We’re sure he’s a
match for that accident victim?” A new voice spoke. “Not
entirely. Now, we’re talking about the same accident here
right, the one with the two women on the way to the
airport?”
“Yep. Same one. One of the women died at the scene. The
other one is hanging in there. I heard one was pregnant. I’m
not sure which one.”
My alarms started going off then. I could feel myself
falling. I was falling into this dark hole and I wasn’t sure I
wanted to come out of it. It had to be Sin and Brenda. One
was dead. One was hanging by a thread. I never wanted to
open my eyes again.
“He’s crashing! Code blue!” I heard the shouting, but it
was as if they were talking about someone else. I didn’t want
a heart, if it meant losing someone I loved.
EPILOGUE
“D o you hear that, Alysin?” the nurse asked me. “It’s the
heart. Strong.”
The Doppler was moved downward on my burgeoning
belly. More whooshing sounds burst from the machine. “And
that’s the other one. Another strong heart. You are doing
great. Halfway! Just twenty weeks to go, but the doctor will
be happy with sixteen with twins.”
The nurse cleaned up my belly, then paused before she
left the room. “The doctor will be in shortly.”
I nodded. Pulling my shirt down over my belly, I closed
my eyes and savored the feel of the babies moving around
within me. Soon a hand laced through mine and the smile on
my face broadened.
“We’re going to have to pick names soon,” I said.
“I know,” Ben agreed.
“We should pick names based on how easy it is to say
them when they are in trouble. These kids are half mine.
There’s a good chance that one or the other will be in trouble
often,” I joked.
“That’s a chance I’m willing to take,” he said, but his
voice sounded hollow.
This hadn’t been the pregnancy I imagined. We weren’t
having the life I envisioned. I knew mourning took time, but
I needed him happy and on board now…yesterday even. For
me. For his babies.
“This is survivor’s guilt, babe. Let it go. Brenda would
want you to be happy.” I reminded him. “She gave you the
best gift ever. You get to be here to watch your children grow
up. They will know all her stories. We’ll tell them.” I
squeezed his hand. “I promise. Don’t squander that gift.”
He sat up for a moment and I knew why. One of our little
ones had just given one heck of a kick. I didn’t want to think
about what it would be like in a few months. Already I was
wincing imagining it.
The doctor came in and asked how we were doing. She
wanted to know about any changes. Alas, everything was the
same. My husband was out of the woods physically, but
barely coasting mentally and we didn’t speak of it. Somehow
the doctor sensed that we weren’t the cheery duo we made
out to be.
“Today is your ultrasound. Let’s see if that cheers you up.
We might be able to find out the sex if they cooperate.” She
smiled.
So, we walked down the hall and were lead into a
darkened ultrasound room. Ben helped me lie back on the
table. I smiled at him, hoping he could feel how much I loved
him with his new perfect yet broken heart.
The warm gel was squeezed onto my belly and soon the
wand was pressed against my skin. When she was over my
bladder, I moved uncomfortably. It was unbelievable to me
that I had to pee as frequently as I did.
The tech took her measurements, watched the blood flow,
measured the amount of fluid, checked the positioning of the
placentas and finally asked that question that I had been
desperate to discover the answer to.
“Would you like to know the sexes?” she asked with a
huge smile. “Do you know?” I asked, not even trying to hide
my excitement. Nodding, she showed us on screen. “See
baby A? That…is a penis!”
Squeezing Ben’s hand, I looked to him for a reaction. He
looked…numb. Didn’t all men want a son?
“Now looking at baby B…those three dashes…labia!”
“We’re having one of each? Oh, that’s too perfect,” I
squealed. “I can’t wait to call Jolie.”
Turning to Ben, I suddenly realized that he was overcome
with emotions. “Can we name the boy Brendan?” he asked
quietly. “Would you mind?”
“That’s a great idea. It’s a wonderful way to honor your
sister.” I tilted my head to watch his reaction.
“I think that she’d like that.” He looked calm once more.
“I know she would.” A playful look crossed his face. “And
we’ll name the girl Vixen after her mother.”
I nearly choked. “That’s a terrible name. Why would you
suggest such a thing?”
He leaned over me, more himself than he had been since
the transplant. “You will always be my Vixen in Vegas, Alysin
Nixon Everly. Always.”
“You mean that?” I asked.
“Of course I do.” He kissed my cheek.
By now the ultrasound tech had left the room to share her
findings with our obstetrician. “Even in a few months when
I’m huge?”
“That’s a lot of love you are carrying around with you.”
He reminded me. Then he leaned closer and whispered in my
ear, “When I get you home, I’m going to show you how very
much I love you, my amazing patient, sexy wife.”
“I’m going to hold you to that,” I responded seriously.
“You have no idea how horny pregnancy has made me. I’ve
had to go self-serve.”
“Never again, Sin.” And he sealed that promise with a
kiss.
Tears formed in my eyes and ran down my cheeks. Slowly,
gently, he wiped them away. “Hormones?” he asked
carefully.
“No, Ben,” I said lovingly. “It’s okay for me to cry
sometimes, especially when you’ve made me the happiest
I’ve ever been and I get to share forever with you.”
HEAVEN IN HEDONISM
THE SINFUL SERIES BOOK 3
By
emma nichols
COPYRIGHT
Copyright © 2015 by emma nichols
1st Edition
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or
reproduced in any manner whatsoever including Internet
usage, without written permission of the author.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and
incidents are the products of the author's imagination or are
used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events,
locations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Image Copyright Jag_cz: Burning Martini drink isolated on
black background
Used under license from DollarPhotoClub.com
Cover and Formatting by:
Love Kissed Books | http://lovekissedbooks.com
27
I am flubber. Not in the actual sense, like a green gooey
substance. Instead, I bounce around, completely impossible
to contain and control. For years, Sin and I have lived that
way together, past tense. She was the rock I built my life on,
my partner in crime, my travel buddy, my family in every
respect. Then she dumped Kyle, happened upon Ben, and her
life has never been the same. It has, in fact, been better in all
the best ways. I’ve watched her the last nine months since it
all began on that fateful cruise. So, maybe I’m coming off a
little bitter. It’s not that. I don’t begrudge her any of her
happiness. Sin has had to overcome a lot to have the life she
does now.
Even as I thought about all of that, I was pacing in my
tiny San Francisco apartment. It was two in the morning.
The sun wouldn’t be out for hours. Seriously, I doubted I’d
be asleep before then or even at all tonight. As I glanced
down at the coffee mug in my hand, I chuckled. Hot cocoa. It
was my go-to comfort drink. Only I wasn’t feeling so
comforted now. Seriously, I was ready to climb out of my
skin. As happy as I was for Sin, I was even unhappier for me.
For some reason, I couldn’t settle down.
All those years that had been our motto: never settle and
never settle down. Then I told Sin that I wanted to. It was
after our drive across the country, after our hectic week of
packing and preparing, after Sin met Ben and it was obvious
that she needed to. So, I went along. I told her it was time
and I was done moving. In the moment, I meant it. In reality,
I was being selfless, doing what was right for her. She and
Ben were meant to be. Apparently, I was meant to be alone.
As of late, I had realized I didn’t want to be alone.
In an effort to stop pacing, I opened the balcony door and
sat in one of the patio chairs before setting my mug down on
an end table. Maybe I was meant to be a lone wolf. I let out a
tentative howl. It felt completely unnatural. Maybe not a lone
wolf. I’d have to check out other lone creatures. Pulling my
phone from the pocket of my fluffy white bathrobe, I
searched lone animals. Would you believe someone on
Yahoo! had asked that same question? Someone else had
supplied a nice detailed list. Time to pick my animal. Top of
the list was spiders. Duh. Nope. I would never be the lone
spider. It made me think of daddy longlegs with their round
body elevated above long spindly legs. Ew. Next. Green
iguanas. Okay, it wasn’t that I was against them, exactly, but
I really wanted something cuddlier, an animal that felt more
loveable.
As I continued scrolling through the list I found some
actual possibilities. From the feline family, we had tigers,
leopards, and jaguars. Oh…jaguars. I loved black. Polar bears?
Nah. The majestic eagle. Hmm. I loved to fly. The maned
sloth. The very word ‘sloth’ rubbed me the wrong way. As
one of the seven sins, that was my least favorite. Lust was a
sin I could completely embrace.
My eyes continued to scan the list until one lengthy
submission caught my eye. Apparently orangutans were
solitary creatures, except for mother and child who lived
together for seven years. Wonder if the length of time was
the equivalent of eighteen in the human world. Males and
females only came together for a few days to mate.
Interesting. Now, in general, this particular species of
monkey struck me as being strangely hairy (crazy pits!) and
smelly. Not that I’d sniffed one, but still I could totally
understand the rationale. These females knew what was up.
My mom worked outside of the home, took care of
everything within the house, especially me. Then my father
would show up and completely undermine her, make messes
she’d have to clean up and generally upset the balance. As a
traveling salesman, he didn’t spend a lot of time at home.
When he showed up, it was to have a bunch of laundry
washed, folded, and ironed. He’d lord over us for a few days,
then it was time to get back on the road. I swear my mother
and I both heaved sighs of relief while we waved him off. No
wonder I was an only child. Make that, no wonder I was my
mother’s only child.
It was on her death seven years ago that I had a call from
some girl claiming to be my sister. She lived in one of the
cities my father frequented. He had been spending more and
more time with her mother. I was sure she would have been
lovely, but I’d never know. The hurt and shame overwhelmed
me and I hung up on her. She never called again.
Reaching for my mug, I took what happened to be my
final sip. The stars had yet to fade, the few that I could see.
This was going to be such a long day. Why couldn’t I get
sleepy? As soon as The Geek Tank hired me, I had thrown
myself into work. It seemed challenging enough. We were in
the early stages of creating a new social network because,
and let’s face it, Facebook had outlived its usefulness for
businesses, charities, pretty much anyone with a fan page.
The organic reach that people had come to count on was now
all but non-existent. Everyone was looking for the next big
thing to come in and change the face of social media. We
were building it. If we could just agree on a name.
Maybe I wasn’t super helpful in that respect. I did, after
all, suggest the name Look At Me. Mac snickered before he
remembered he was in charge of this project and turned all
stiff and corporate geek on me. As bosses go, I guess he’s
okay. I mean, he’s my first one ever, so what do I know? Oh
how I missed working with Sin. Why did I have to sell the
company and look for a new challenge? Seriously, I was
floating through space like George Clooney.
Sighing, I stood and headed back to the kitchen with my
empty mug. Might as well make another hot chocolate. Once
by the stove, I grabbed the teakettle and removed the top to
add water from the sink. Pausing, I considered a moment
that I might need to go straight for the hard stuff. I set the
teakettle back on the stove, replaced the lid, and went
straight for the fridge. The whole milk needed to be used up
anyway. Grabbing it and the Hershey’s, I then yanked a
saucepan out from the drawer under the stove.
Just as I was about to pour the milk and turn on the
burner, my phone rang. The beautiful face on my screen had
my heart pounding. It was Sin. Shit. Caught again. Letting it
ring for a moment, I made sure I had my sleepy voice in
place before answering. “Sin? S’up?” I asked, convinced I
had nailed it.
“I need you!” she yelled into the phone. “Get your ass
over here!”
In the background, I could hear Ben. “No, the hospital.
Tell her to meet us at the hospital!”
His words changed everything. Suddenly, I reacted,
slamming the milk and Hershey back into the fridge. “I don’t
understand. The twins aren’t due for another month,” I
argued as I moved about the room in a panic.
“Tell them that,” Sin moaned. “I can’t do this without
you.”
“Hey, I thought that’s what you said to me.” I heard Ben
say.
“I can’t do it without either of you. Happy now?” She
whimpered again.
“Sin,” I said gently, “why don’t you relax a minute? Put
Ben on the phone. I’ll see you soon.” While I waited, I rushed
to my bedroom and pulled out the duffle which had served
me well for the last ten years. Before I managed to get more
than fresh panties in it, Ben was on the phone.
“Hi, Jolie,” he said in his normal soothing tone. Damn,
Sin was lucky to have him in her life. Of course, he was lucky
to have her too.
“Hey, Ben, what happened?” I could feel the panic rising
in my throat.
“Well, I was making out with my gorgeous, amazing, sexy
wife when she had to go and ruin the mood.” He chuckled.
“Did she fart?” I asked. “Because in all our years, I still
haven’t heard her fart.”
“No, her water broke. And that’s why we’re headed to the
hospital. You know the one. See you there.”
“Oh, Ben,” I said, feeling much better. “Can I bring you
anything?”
“Jolie, you know I have everything I need.”
As soon as I ended the call, I worked to get dressed,
throwing on a pair of yoga pants and a T-shirt. From there, I
loaded my bag with another change of clothes. Weeks ago, I
had already packed it as my hospital bag. I had a sock filled
with tennis balls for her back massages. There was an iPod
loaded with a new Evicting the Twins Playlist and speakers
so we could all enjoy it. I had even thrown in a few movies,
movies that Sin had always loved, our chick flicks, like Under
the Tuscan Sun, and The Joy Luck Club. There was a bottle of
wine for them to enjoy when they made it home, a couple of
outfits for the twins, and my camera. Though it was Sin’s
specialty, this time I would be the designated photographer
for the event.
Locking up my small apartment, I headed to the parking
lot to load my vehicle. It was something of a classic. Years
ago on our travels, I found it and had it restored, my 1969
Mini Cooper Truck. It was this beautiful cherry red, with
whitewall tires, and the wooden railings in the back to make
the pick-up walls higher and more stylish. Inside, the cream
leather seats with red piping made me happy every time I sat
on them. I rarely drove this vehicle any great distance,
opting to ship it when Sin and I would move. Seriously, for
years, this vehicle had been my baby. Now my best friend
was about to have not one, but two real ones. And I couldn’t
help but think maybe this was what my life was missing too.
Somehow, if I could just get over my issue with men, even if
I couldn’t find love, I could find someone to impregnate me.
I didn’t want to be alone forever and a baby could fill that
void.
Feeling somewhat nostalgic, I drove the hour to the
hospital. As I neared it, my phone chimed with a text
notification. Ben was letting me know what room they were
in. A second text gave more details.
Ben: She’s doing great. Asking about you. ETA?
Me: Almost. Pulling into the parking garage. I need caffeine.
See you soon.
Grabbing my bag, I exited the truck after parking it in the
enclosure but far from other vehicles. If I could cover it in
bubble wrap before heading into the building, I would have.
Instead, I accepted the dangers and walked toward the
cafeteria. This could take a while and I needed fuel. Sleep was
now a concern of the past.
Less than ten minutes later, I was knocking gently on the
door while I entered their room. “Jolie?” Sin questioned as
she opened her eyes. Throwing her arms wide, she ordered,
“Get over here.”
Hugging her wasn’t like it used to be. “Gah, your belly!” I
teased. “I liked it better when it was your boobs getting in
the way.” I winked.
Laughing softly, she smiled. “Yeah, now they are really in
the way.” She rubbed her enormous middle with one hand.
“Have a seat. This may take a while.”
“Jolie can have my seat,” he said. “I’m going to run to the
cafeteria. She had the right idea.” He pointed to my cup.
Before leaving, he gave me a squeeze while he whispered in
my ear, “She really needs you right now.”
Clearly, he was giving us a moment. A blush rose in my
cheeks because, honestly, I needed some alone time with her
too. Everything was about to change. Hell, there had been
one change after another ever since she met him. As much as
it hurt me, I had to believe life was evolving as it should. For
her.
“So, how are you, sexy?” I asked as I sat down beside her
in the vinyl rocker. She was quiet a moment, lying there with
her eyes closed. For some reason, I felt the need to fill the
silence with mindless chatter in an effort to distract her.
“This is a nice room. Do you get to give birth in here?” I
wondered aloud. Seeing the warming beds to the side, I
answered my own question. “Oh, I guess you do.” Standing, I
walked over to check the closed door on the other side of the
room. Pulling it open, I realized it was a bathroom. “Wow.
You have a Jacuzzi tub in here! Awesome.”
“It’s for relaxation,” she murmured. “I’m not sure if
they’ll let me use it. I may not even be allowed to get out of
bed.”
Finally the old Jolie kicked in. It was time for me to stop
being sorry for myself and get Sin through this. “Seriously?
What do you have to be upset about?” I watched as her eyes
snapped open to see me standing at the end of her bed with
my hands on my hips. “You have a husband who adores you.
You are about to give birth to his babies. In true Sin form,
you are providing a son and a daughter all at once because
you wouldn’t want to do this twice. Start acting as happy as
you should be. I’d give my left tit to be you right now.”
A smile began to spread across her face. She bit her cheek
for a moment to hold back a giggle. “You barely have tits.”
She reminded me. “Not like it would be much of a loss.”
“You went there?” I asked, even as I grinned. It worked.
My girl was back.
Nodding, she said, “Hell yeah, I went there. Now let’s talk
about a true sacrifice. Would you have given your truck to be
me?”
Snorting, I said, “I might as well have. I parked it in the
hospital parking garage. It’ll probably need an overhaul after
this.”
“Now who’s being ridiculous?” she asked, a self-satisfied
look on her face.
By the time Ben returned, gradually easing the door open
before full committing to entering, we were laughing like the
girlfriends we were. “What’s this?” he asked, a fake stern
look on his face. “Birthing babies is serious business. None
of this.”
“Come kiss me,” Sin commanded. “It’s not going to be
just the two of us much longer. We’re going from couple to
family of four in a flash.”
Like the dutiful and loving husband he was, Ben crossed
the room, leaned over the bed and kissed her in a way that
made me look out the window. It had always been that way
with them. They could totally forget anyone else was around
and be completely engrossed in each other in seconds. A hint
of envy crept up and I frowned. Not a good look for me.
Another one of my least favorite of the seven deadly sins. She
deserved to be happy. It was just that…I wanted to be happy
too.
A nurse walked into the room a split second after her
voice boomed, “Knock, knock!” When she saw them kissing,
she quipped, “Isn’t this what got you here to begin with?”
Sin pulled back and looked around Ben to respond.
“Actually, it was a turkey baster. We had to go with
insemination. So, the kissing…perfectly safe.”
Hugging her close, Ben smiled. “Do you need to take
some vitals?”
Walking directly to the monitors, she said, “Yeah. I need
to look at this a moment. We’ve called your doctor and she’s
on the way.” Standing silently, she stared at the screen
showing the babies’ heart rates and the contractions. It
might as well have been in Sanskrit, as much sense as I could
make of it. After an interminable amount of time, she finally
spoke. “Looking good. Those babies are tough.”
“Just like their mama,” Ben said lovingly with his
forehead pressed against Sin’s.
“Nice strong heartbeats,” the nurse added while making a
note in the chart on the computer.
Laying a hand on his scarred chest, Sin spoke, “Just like
their daddy.”
He had tears in his eyes as he crushed her to his chest.
“Gah,” I moaned. “I’d tell you to get a room, but since
we’re already in one, just keep it PG, we have impressionable
kids here.”
The nurse smiled at me before leaving. After all, I was the
only one paying attention.
By mid morning, Ben and I had taken turns getting food from
the cafeteria and keeping Sin’s spirits up. As the pain
increased, she only grew quieter. While some women cried or
screamed when in agony, she simply shut down. “Talk to
me,” I urged while rolling the tennis balls up and down her
back.
Shaking her head, she shut her eyes.
Ben and I exchanged looks. “I’m going to talk to a nurse,”
he said quietly. “I’ll be right back, baby. You’re in good
hands.” Patting me on the shoulder, he walked from the
room.
It was all I could do to just keep rubbing. In ten years on
the road, the only experience I had to compare this to was a
hike we had taken about a year into our road trip. “Damn.
It’s Grandfather Mountain all over again,” I mumbled. Her
pain hurt me.
One eye opened slowly. “I told you I wasn’t a hiker. You
tricked me,” she whispered between contractions.
“You wore flip flops. Who does that?”
Her other eye opened and she rolled just enough to look at
me. “Me. I don’t own sneakers. You told me we were taking
pictures!”
“In my defense, you did.” I beamed as I recalled that
rescue.
“Those firemen and EMTs were hot. And it took my mind
off the pain,” she said by way of explanation.
“Want me to find you a male nurse?”
Shaking her head, she said with a slight smile. “You know
Ben is all I need.”
Just when she finished speaking, he entered the room
once more. “And here I am.” He leaned over and planted a
kiss on the very tip of her nose that had her scrunching it up
and smiling. Ben was magical. “The anesthesiologist will be
here shortly,” he said. “You are an excellent candidate for an
epidural.”
Case in point, the man was helping take away her pain.
Inwardly, I swooned. Outwardly, I gagged. “Guess this is my
cue,” I said as I stood.
Immediately, they both turned to me. “Please stay,” Sin
said, her eyes pleading. My eyes met Ben’s. He nodded.
Despite my better judgment, I sank back into the seat.
This was not where I wanted to be while a needle, or series of
needles were stabbed into my best friend’s back. “Shouldn’t
this be a couple thing?” I asked, desperate to remove myself
from the situation as gracefully as possible.
Shaking his head, Ben said, “I can’t be here. I can’t watch
this. Sin and I talked about this in advance. She said you’d
stay.”
Grabbing my hand, she said, “You’ve always been there
for me. You’ve never left me in my moment of need.” Then
she batted her eyelashes at me before shutting down once
more and squeezing the hell out of my hand.
When she finally released me, I grumbled, “Fine, I’ll stay,
but if this hand ends up in a cast, you’re going to have to pay
my living expenses during my recovery.” They both heaved a
sigh of relief. “Let’s get this woman an epidural before she
cripples me.”
The anesthesiologist walked in minutes later and gave all
the potential side effects and recovery issues associated with
the procedure. While speaking he stared at Sin, whose eyes
were closed again. “I’m going to need a signature on this,”
he said as he pushed the clipboard toward me.
“Don’t look at me. I’m the best friend. The guy who ran
like a scared rabbit when you walked in, he’s who you
needed to speak to. I’m not going to be responsible for any of
this.” My hands were up in the air, a sign of surrender.
“Very well,” he said succinctly as he walked to the door
with the paperwork. Clearly Ben was waiting just outside the
door.
“Almost,” I murmured in her ear as I leaned over her. An
almost imperceptible nod assured me that she had paid
attention.
Soon the anesthesiologist was back and working on her.
“I’m going to need you to sit up and roll around this pillow.”
He motioned to me. “Go stand in front of her so she can lean
on you.”
“Damn, I did not want to see this,” I muttered. “Sin, you
so owe me for this.”
While the doctor worked, I babbled incessantly. “Thank
God we have flexible hours at work. I forgot to call in today.
I’m going to need to let Mac know,” I said brightly. “I’m
sure he’s wondering where I am. We usually have a morning
meeting.” I glanced at my cell phone, gripped firmly in my
hand. “Eleven a.m. daily. Computer geeks keep strange
hours,” I added. “Or maybe I should just send him a text.
I’ve never had to do either before. Normally I’m super
reliable. Obviously. I’m here. When I’d rather be there.”
“You’d rather be at work?” Sin questioned.
“No, I’d rather be in the hall with Ben,” I said as I waved
at him casually. He was peeking through the small
rectangular glass panel in the door.
“Oh.” She sighed. It seemed like she was already starting
to breathe better. “You know how it is, Jolie. Men pretend to
be tougher, stronger, but it’s us. We are. Thank you for being
here, for sticking it out, always.”
“It’s what I do, babe.” Then I smiled wistfully because it
really was what I do. Sadly, with Sin was the one place I
always felt like I fit, felt whole. Now, I felt like the third
wheel. Something had to change.
The anesthesiologist taped everything in place and settled
her back onto her bed. “Okay, you should be feeling much
better, which is to say you should be feeling almost nothing
at all,” he said with a wink.
“Thank you,” she said breathily. “So much better.” As he
headed toward the door she stopped him. “Doctor, can you
send that scared little rabbit in here now?” He nodded and
stepped out of the room.
Seconds later, Ben was briskly walking through the door.
In anticipation, I said, “I’m just going to step out and call
my boss. Be right back.”
Heading the direction he just came, I shut the door behind
me. Then I kept walking. I wasn’t sure what to say, really. I
never knew how to talk to Mac. He usually left me flustered. I
couldn’t tell when he was joking and when he was serious.
He always wore the same confident look. And in the eight
months we’d been working together, he had steadily
transitioned from a suit wearing corporate type to a scruffy
looking college kid with long curly locks. I just wanted to
shake him and ask why?
The phone rang once, twice, three times before I started
begging the voicemail to pick up. It wouldn’t make me less
awkward, it would just mean I wouldn’t have to have a
conversation. Just as I was about to give up, he answered.
“Dammit,” I muttered before I could stop myself.
“And hello to you, too, Just Jolie,” Mac said with a
chuckle.
Sighing, I realized I had totally left myself open for that.
Ever since we’d been working together, he had been working
to find some clever nickname for me. The latest effort was
‘Just Jolie,’ since that’s what I’d tell him when he called me
anything else. “So, I’m not going to make it there today and
I’m not sure about tomorrow. I have a family emergency.”
“What’s the emergency?”
“Seriously? You're going to need an excuse? It’s not
enough to tell you that?” I could feel my blood boiling within
my veins. “I never even ask for time off. I work overtime
without complaint and the first time I have something
important come up, you question me?” I was practically a
snarling, raving lunatic by the time I finished.
“No, I merely wanted to make sure you’re okay. I didn’t
know if you were calling from a hospital or what? How am I
supposed to know if I need to send flowers?” He laughed.
Obviously he thought he was very clever.
“I am fine, despite the fact that I’m calling from a
hospital. Never send flowers. Now, are we good? Can I get
back to my family emergency now?” While we spoke, I had
turned back and headed to Sin’s room in the maternity ward
of the hospital. Once more, I found myself right outside her
door.
Ben came bursting out. “The doctor says it’s time to
push,” he said while giving me this pleading look.
“Be right there,” I assured him. Turning my attention
back to Mac, I sighed. “I’m at Queen of the Valley.”
28
W hen I walked back into the room, I could see the panic
rising in Sin again. “How am I going to do this?” she asked
me. “I can’t keep goldfish alive. Now I’m going to have not
one, but two tiny humans depending upon me.”
“You probably should have thought of that sooner,” I said
with a smile. Pausing beside my duffle bag, I opened it and
pulled out the iPod and the speakers. “Here’s your playlist. I
have hours prepared for you. Songs to inspire you. Let’s start
with a classic.” At that, I hit the button and soon Push It by
Salt-n-Peppa was blaring in the room.
The couple clasped hands, exchanged smiles, then looked
at me beaming. “Okay. Let’s do this,” Sin said.
Watching Sin give birth was nothing like I expected. Sure,
there was the usual grunting and pushing. What really hit me
was seeing the love between them, the way Ben smoothed
back her hair and swabbed her brow, hearing the sweet
words he murmured in her ear for comfort, the way they
were constantly touching. It made me feel so acutely
everything I was missing. Hours later after the twins had
arrived, Sin and Ben were snuggling in her bed and I headed
down to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. Since they were
about six weeks early, the twins were being closely
monitored. Although I wasn’t allowed inside without Sin or
Ben, I could see them from the window, their isolettes side
by side. The vibrations of my phone reminded me I couldn’t
stay here all day.
Slowly, I walked back to the room. This was the part I was
dreading. Too soon I’d have to say goodbye. I was no longer
my own person. When I sold my company and signed on with
The Geek Tank, I had given away my freedom. Like it or not,
I had to go back to San Francisco. At the moment…not.
Definitely not. Still, Sin no longer needed me. These days, it
was me needing her, and she had enough demands on her at
the moment.
By the time I returned to the room, the lactation
consultant was just exiting and there was a pump beside the
bed for Sin to use. “Glad I missed that,” I joked. Walking
over to my duffle, I pulled out the wine bottle I had packed
earlier. “This is one of your favorites. I thought you might
want to celebrate when you get home.”
“Thank you, Jolie,” Sin said warmly. “You should come
share it with us.”
Shaking my head, I said, “I have to get back. Just wanted
to make sure I gave you these before I go.” Then I pulled out
the clothes I had picked for the new babies. “Did you finalize
their names?”
“We had planned to name our son after my sister and
father. He’ll be Brendan Michael Everly,” Ben said.
“Oh, I like that,” I said honestly.
“And we thought we’d name the girl after you and Ben’s
mom,” Sin chimed in. “So she’s going to be—”
“Oh my God! Do not saddle a baby with my name. I don’t
even use my name!” I cried, louder than I expected.
Laughing, Sin said, “Not your real name, Jolie. Our
daughter will be Jolie Elise Everly.”
“Whew.” I sighed. “Much better. That name works.”
“Wait,” Ben began. “What’s your name?”
Stalking over to him, I leaned low and gave him my most
menacing look. With my finger, I jabbed his chest while I
warned, “We don’t speak about it. Okay?”
Wide eyed, he nodded, a hand over his mouth. If I didn’t
know better, I’d think he was trying to cover a laugh. Then
he moved his hand, exchanged looks with Sin and a chuckle
escaped. “Sorry. It can’t be that bad.”
“Oh, it is,” Sin assured him. “It was a family name.
Enough said.” With that she made a zipper motion across
her lips, followed by the classic turning of the key and
throwing it over her shoulder.
He nodded, but it looked like he was struggling not to ask
further questions about my name. “Can I at least ask a
favor?” He glanced at Sin. “I would normally leave this to my
lovely wife, but now that she’s unable to speak,” he smirked
briefly before continuing, “I guess it’s up to me.” His
shoulders heaved as he prepared to make his request.
“Would you please be their godmother?”
Looking back and forth between the two, I was struck
silent. On the one hand, this was a huge honor, one that I
was shocked to be considered for. “Are you sure? I’m single
and will probably die that way. I have zero experience with
children. When my girlfriends were babysitting, I was
hacking computers. You couldn’t have asked someone less
qualified.”
“Do you love them?” Sin asked.
“She speaks! It’s a miracle!” Ben joked.
Laughter came so easily around them. “Of course I do.”
“Then you have the one qualification you need,” she
murmured. “Say ‘yes’.”
Sighing, I shrugged. “Okay. I’ll do it.”
“Then it’s settled. We’ll set a date and let you know,” Ben
said certainly.
“Okay, now I definitely have to go. It’s just getting too
mushy around here.” I explained as I doled out hugs. “Get
some rest. I’ll check on you tomorrow.”
It was too dark and too late to really examine my truck, but
there were no other vehicles currently parked nearby, which
gave me some hope. Sliding behind the wheel, I ran my hand
over the walnut panel on the dash. It made me happy.
Turning the key in the ignition, it purred to a start and
slowly I drove back to San Francisco.
My one question as I headed back toward home was
whether I was going there or the office. My badge would get
me in the building any time of the day or night. Lately, I had
considered putting in more hours, going back to work in the
evenings since I was spending more time pacing than
sleeping anyway. Might as well be productive. The guilt of
missing a day of work weighed on me too.
As if on autopilot, I ended up pulling into the parking lot
at work. There were few vehicles here. The truck would be
safe. I could work for a few hours and still get ample sleep.
Walking into the team room, I checked the wipe board for
new information I may have missed during the day, then
stopped at my desk for further insights. There were a few
notes for me about my end of the programming. Confident
that I had what I needed, I headed for the gym on the bottom
floor. After using my keycard to gain access, I headed
straight for the punching bag, leaving the lights on the
lowest setting. Just like the dark and me, the punching bag
and I were old friends.
For more than ten years I had been functioning on a
simple truth. There was something therapeutic about taking
out all my frustrations on it. I could kick and punch it for
hours, letting exhaustion take hold and having new ideas
form in my mind. This was how I did some of my best
thinking and burned countless calories. I wasn’t about to
have cafeteria lady arms like my mother once had.
“Well, I didn’t expect to see you here,” a voice boomed in
the darkened room before turning the lights on.
Instantly, I was blinded while my eyes adjusted to the
brightness. “Dammit,” I muttered. Maybe being here was a
terrible idea. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with people.
“Oh, sorry,” he said and I recognized Mac’s British accent
immediately. He walked toward me and I stiffened when I
realized he wasn’t dressed for a workout.
“What are you doing?” I asked. My eyes seemed to narrow
involuntarily.
Pausing about ten feet from me, he looked at me and
smiled. “How is it I’ve managed to hire the most anti-social
person I’ve ever met to create a social network?” he asked.
Shaking his head, he added, “Some days I think this project
is doomed to failure.”
“Relax, Mac,” I said. “I’m social enough. More
importantly, I’m one helluva programmer.” With that I
winked at him and walked toward the door.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“Gonna grab a hot chocolate and get to work,” I
responded as I continued on my path.
“Great, I’ll come with you!” he exclaimed happily.
“Really, that’s not necessary.” I shooed him away.
Beating me to the door, he had his hand on the knob and
was looking at me like he was trying to figure me out. He was
bound to be disappointed. There wasn’t that much to me. I
wasn’t Sin, comprised of layer after beautiful layer. I was just
Jolie. His nickname was more accurate than he knew. “What
do you want?” I asked with my arms crossed over my chest.
The direct approach had always worked best for me.
It definitely seemed to throw him. “Er…well, I don’t
know. I just thought we could talk,” he spluttered.
“We are talking. What else do we have to say?” I tapped
my foot impatiently while I waited.
“I thought we could just chat over a drink.” He shrugged
as though he was suddenly at a loss for words.
Shifting to my other hip, I spoke once more, “I’m still a
lesbian. You saw my hair, right?”
“You’ve been growing it,” he said weakly, with a hint of a
smile playing at the corner of his lips.
“So have you,” I said in exasperation, pointing to his
shaggy curly locks. “And I didn’t assume it meant you
changed your sexual preferences.” Taking a step closer to
the door, I sighed when his hand remained in place,
preventing my exit. “I know you’re the boss, but I’ll still lay
you out if you don’t get out of my way.”
“Easy, killer,” he murmured calmly as he opened the door
for me.
“Thank you.”
Then I walked briskly through the door and headed to the
coffee shop. During the day, it was staffed with a barista.
After normal office hours, we were on our own and the
results were far less exciting. To my dismay, Mac was still
following me. For the moment, I chose to ignore him. Maybe
he just wanted a drink too. So, I went straight for the hot
chocolate canister, popped the lid, and started spooning out
tons of the wonderfully aromatic powder into the paper cup I
had yanked off the stack. When I glanced over to my right, he
was leaning against the counter, smiling at me. While there
were plenty of women who’d no doubt be charmed by him, I
wasn’t one of them. “Stop it. I have work to do, as you well
know. The last thing I need is you following me around like a
puppy dog distracting me.” Still he didn’t move. If anything,
his smile simply widened. Walking over, I tousled his hair,
scratched him behind his ear, and then tossed my stirrer
stick.
“What was that for?” he asked, clearly flustered.
“Just testing a theory. You’re not a puppy dog,” I said
flippantly. “Guess I just have to find some other way to
distract you and get away.”
His eyes sparkled while he looked at me. I could have
sworn he was enjoying this. “You make me forget that I’m
the boss,” he said, beaming at me.
“Funny, because I never forget you’re the boss,” I
mumbled as I walked away, fully aware that he was still
trailing behind me.
“Well, you don’t act like it. Don’t you worry I’ll fire you?”
he questioned, his face scrunched up and hands in the air
forming what I had come to recognize as his thinking
posture.
Stopping in the hall, I whipped around and looked him in
the eye. “Let’s get this straight, I don’t need this job.” I
watched as his eyes widened and he stiffened some. That was
more like it. “I’ve just sold my company for several million
dollars. Modesty prevents sharing exact numbers. As does
the non-disclosure agreement I signed.” I flashed him my
biggest smile. Damn, it felt good getting this off my chest. “I
am working here because I like a challenge.”
“Ah, building a social network.” He guessed with a nod.
Shaking my head vehemently, I admitted, “Nope.
Working with others. I hate it. My best friend, Sin, thinks it’s
good for me. Of course, she hasn’t met you. If she does,
she’ll likely revise that edict.” Turning once more, I threw
over my shoulder, “Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to get
back to work.” Then I walked off, sorry that I wasn’t in
heels, or something that would make a nice staccato echo in
the halls. These sneakers weren’t cutting it. Then he further
ruined my grand exit by catching up to me in three long
strides.
“You wanna know what I love about you?” he asked,
panting slightly.
“Not especially.”
“Well, I’m gonna tell you anyway.” He took a breath.
“You don’t try to impress me.”
Nodding, I agreed with that assessment. “I sure don’t.”
“I wasn’t done yet,” he said somewhat sternly.
“Pardon me,” I said while rolling my eyes. “Please
continue.”
“Your work speaks for itself. You are over-qualified. You
just go about your business without demanding the pats and
preening of all the other geeks.” He smiled. “And I swear you
live to shock me, do it just to put me off, keep me at arm’s
length.” He watched me for a reaction.
Careful not to give one, I said evenly, “If you think so.”
Now he seemed to be thinking aloud. “What other reason
could you have for telling me that you are a lesbian? Why
else would you say half the things you say?”
“You tell me, Dr. Phil. Later. Gotta get to my desk.” Then I
entered our office and headed straight to my seat. Just as I
prepared to sit, my cell started ringing. I would have
answered a call from a telemarketer at the moment, as
desperate as I was to avoid talking to him further. Luckily, I
didn’t have to take that route. Sin was calling.
“Hey,” I answered.
Her greeting was a blissful sigh. “Jolie and Brendan are
doing wonderfully. Ben is with them in the nursery. So now,
I have a moment for you.” She sounded so pleased with
herself.
“Glad everything’s working out for you,” I said, instantly
regretting the bitter edge to my voice.
“Hold up,” she said seriously. In the background I could
hear the rustling of sheets and the sound of a motor. “I’m
sitting up. It takes a minute,” she grumbled.
“Thank you, Sin, because I need more guilt.” I sighed
heavily while watching the door. Mac could come in any
moment.
“What’s up with you? This is not my Jolie,” she
complained.
“I’m not anyone’s Jolie. I’m all grown up and on my
own.”
She was quiet a moment before speaking softly. “You
don’t have to be, you know? You could find love, if you’d
stop pushing people away so well.”
“Let’s not talk about this love crap. It works for you and
Ben. It’s a great look for you, but for me, it’s a lot more
complicated.”
“Can’t find the right girl?” she asked. Sin never minced
words.
“Can’t find any girl. I’ve lost interest.”
Chuckling, she said, “Well, maybe you are looking in all
the wrong places. Maybe it’s time to reconsider your stance
on guys.”
“Gah,” I moaned. “Mac would love to hear you say that.”
Immediately I realized my mistake. I could almost hear
her grab onto those words. “Who’s Mac?” Her tone of voice
left no doubt as to how interested she was in the answer.
“My boss. And it would be wildly cliché. Nope. He’s
completely wrong…wrong gender, wrong age, wrong style,
just wrong wrong wrong.” As I spoke, my head was shaking
emphatically. Too bad she couldn’t see it.
“Right. Sometimes, Jolie, all wrong is completely right. I
think they taught us that in math, something about a bunch
of negatives making a positive, or some crap like that.”
Letting out a hollow laugh, I said, “Hire a tutor for the
twins when they get to higher level math. You could never
wrap your pretty little head around those numbers.”
“Yeah, well, you could never wrap your head around your
own emotions. You have always been fantastic at doling out
advice to me. And it was some good advice. Really. Look at
me. Now, it’s your turn,” she said in a way that suggested
she was just gearing up. “Physician, heal thyself.”
“What the hell does that mean?” I grumbled.
“It means think about all those harsh words you’ve had
for me throughout the years and apply them to your own life.
Before you regret it.”
In the background, I could hear Ben’s voice. “Hey,
gorgeous, I’ve brought your ride. Time to go love on those
babies.”
“Jolie, I’ve got to go. I’ll call you later.”
“Hey, give them some love from me!” I called, hoping she
heard me before she ended the call.
Then as an afterthought, I sent her a text message.
Me: Do you think I try to shock people to keep them away?
Her response was quick and succinct.
Sin: Definitely.
Well, enough said, I guess. Leaning over my desk, I held my
head in my hands. Nothing was going the way I expected.
When I told Sin it was time to stop running, maybe I only
meant her. Maybe I was not ready to settle down. I was still
living in an apartment after all this time, even when I had
the credit and the cash to purchase some incredible real
estate. I was about ready to quit this job without a plan in
mind. At the moment, I had zero interest in dating. Hell, I’d
even stopped masturbating and I’d been doing that since I
was twelve. What. The. Hell.
The chair on the other side of my desk creaked.
Immediately, I stiffened and swiped at my eyes before
meeting the face of the only other person in the office
tonight. Fuck. It was Mac. His face was the picture of
concern. His mannerisms, the quiet way he moved, the
gentleness of his touch when he laid a hand on my arm, the
slight pout to his lips made me cry harder.
“Have I told you how much I hate you?” I asked him in
frustration. “Could I not have a minute?”
Shaking his head, his grasp on my arm tightened. “Why
are you crying? You should never cry alone.”
“Well, my boss,” I began in an effort to joke and deflect.
It was my way. Mac saw through it.
“Really. What’s bothering you, not Just Jolie?” A smile
played at the corner of his lips at what was obviously his
attempt at lightening the mood.
“Not just?” I asked, brightening some, even if I wanted to
fight it.
“Yeah. There is so much more to you. And I want to know
all of it.” Even if he meant it in the most innocent of ways,
his words had the opposite effect.
“Time to call it a night, I think,” I mumbled as I pushed
back my chair and stood.
“You’ve just got here,” he said exasperated. “How am I
supposed to calculate your pay for this?” He stood across
from me, arms in the air as though he was genuinely
confused.
“Let me make it easy for you. Don’t pay me for today.
Hell, you can charge me for the cocoa, if you want. I don’t
need the money. I don’t need the job.” I headed toward the
exit.
“Jolie, don’t quit on me,” he said shrilly. He caught up to
me once more and placed a hand on my shoulder.
Whipping around, my natural response was to throw my
hands up and get in a fighting stance. When he stepped back,
I dropped my hands and one lone tear made its way down my
cheek. “Why not? I’m completely miserable.”
Slowly he closed the distance between us. “I don’t think
it’s the job,” he said quietly. “I think this is just a symptom
of a bigger problem. What do you normally do in a situation
like this, when you are this unhappy?”
A mirthless laugh escaped my lips. “Simple. I move.”
“Okay, so not that. Do you want to take a few days off? A
week? You tell me.” There was a desperate edge to his voice.
“I need you on this project, Jolie, but I need you happy even
more.”
Shaking my head, I looked at him. “When have you ever
known me to be happy?”
His eyes darted back and forth. Apparently he was
thinking on that. “There have been times, at the beginning.”
“Eh, this place was all shiny and new. It doesn’t count.
And I was mostly happy for Sin anyway.”
“So, what’s the next best thing to quitting? How can we
get you happy again?” His blue green eyes pierced through
my very best shields. Powerless to look away, I met his gaze
and shrugged. “There has to be something. Think,” he urged.
So, I did. One thought kept recurring in my mind. My
whole life had become a case of what would Sin do? Then it
hit me. “I need to go away for a week, or two.” The idea took
hold, the merit growing. “I’ll get my head right.” Then I
frowned.
“What’s wrong now?” he asked, sounding more than a
little exasperated.
His tone made me smile. Why do I derive such pleasure from
upsetting him? “I’ve never traveled alone,” I whispered,
looking down at the floor. When I met his eyes once more,
mine were glassy with tears threatening to spill over. This
must be PMS. I never got this emotional.
“Okay, how about this. You take two weeks off,” he said.
From the way he was running his hand through his hair, I
could tell he was making this up as he went along. From the
look on his face, whatever he was about to pull out of his
butt was a doozy. “This first week, you’re on your own. The
second week, however, we’ll travel together.”
Opening my mouth, I prepared a series of objections.
“Why would I travel with you?” I spluttered. Yet even as I
asked, I realized I kind of really wanted to. I didn’t want to
go away all by myself. Sure, that last cruise, I might as well
have been on my own, but always in the back of my mind, I
knew Sin was there, knew I could find her if I needed her. For
ten years, that had been our way. I wasn’t ready to be alone,
to travel without a companion. Ah, but the fighter in me
wasn’t going to just tap out. He’d have to work for this.
“I haven’t taken a vacation in years. Like you, it’s not
because I can’t afford one, it’s because I didn’t want to travel
alone.” His words struck me with their sincerity.
“Don’t you have friends?” I asked incredulously.
“Of course I do. No friends. Preposterous.”
The way the words sounded with his accent had me
smiling. “Right. So they don’t have money. You couldn’t
afford to pay. What?” He squirmed under my scrutiny.
“Could we just pick a destination?” he asked exasperated.
Making a face, I shrugged. “Sure. Why not?” I already had
an idea in mind. The minute he offered, it had popped into
my head out of nowhere. It was a test. The best test ever.
“Negril,” I said simply.
“Ah, Jamaica mon,” he said, trying to alter his accent.
The effect was quite charming. “Shall I make the
arrangements?” He was relaxing and perking up, which was
why I went for the kill.
“Nope. I’ve got it covered. I’m impressed.” By now I could
scarcely hide my smirk.
“Why’s that?” he asked as he walked me toward the
building’s exit.
“I didn’t think you’d be that amenable to going to
Hedonism.” Then I winked at him as I walked through the
door he currently held open for me.
His eyes bulged. “What’s Hedonism?”
Patting him on the shoulder, I said, “You’re a computer
geek. You figure it out. And if you change your mind, call me
or drop me a text.” I think I half expected him to balk, but he
didn’t. He barely flinched.
“That won’t happen. I’ll call you in a few days to see
when I need to pick you up.” He continued walking by my
side.
“What are you doing?” I asked, throwing my hands up in
the air.
“I’m a gentleman. It’s dark. I’m walking you to your car.
Got it? And I’m not backing out, no matter how much you try
to shock me or scare me away. Understand?” Arms crossed
over his chest, he made a stern face.
“Whatever. We’ll see.” Shaking my head, I added, “I
don’t know why I’ve suddenly become your little project. We
have nothing in common.” With that, I pulled out my keys
and unlocked the door of my truck. Once seated inside, I
rolled down the window.
Smiling, he asked, “Is this yours?” Sticking the key in the
ignition, I simply nodded. “Well, then we have more in
common than you think.” Then he started to walk back into
the building.
“Hey!” I yelled. “What’s that mean?”
Hands raised, he laughed. “I guess you’ll just have to wait
and see!” he yelled back across the parking lot.
29
W hen I reached my apartment, I knew just what to do. It
was funny that in taking a break from my job, I had suddenly
found my sense of purpose. Getting online, I booked the
reservations for Hedonism, selecting two suites and
requesting that they be near each other. Surely, Mac didn’t
expect us to share a bed. Even if he did, I had seen to it we
wouldn’t be. I was in rush to prove myself and maybe ensure
that he didn’t have time to change his mind. There were a lot
of boxes to check before paying, and I couldn’t be bothered
to read them all. What I did catch was the checklist. Scanning
the list, it seemed pretty basic, but we’d have to bring our
birth certificates to present at check-in. Then I booked our
flight. We would be flying overnight, which was my favorite.
There was nothing like waking up in our destination.
Already, I was feeling so much better. Time to text Mac.
Me: Reservations are made. Flight is scheduled. Pick me up
Sunday night at 7. Don’t forget your birth certificate in addition to
that passport.
Setting the phone down, I went over to my stove to start the
water. I never did finish my hot chocolate at the office. Then
I left it on my desk. There would be cocoa before I went to
bed. By the time I had the water on the burner, my phone
had chimed.
Mac: Sounds great. See you then.
I had to look twice. Seriously. He ended his message with a
smiley face. I couldn’t think of a time that I had ever done
that to anyone. What the hell was I doing with this man?
How was I going to survive a week in another country with
him? Well, we weren’t sharing a room, which meant I could
share my bed with anyone. That should help. A smile spread
across my face as I imagined the people I could meet at
Hedonism.
Of course, now I had a week to kill in the meantime. Then
the smile turned to a frown. It was more like five days, really.
Sin. I needed her. Tilting my head, I considered maybe she
needed me too. Suddenly I knew where I’d go in the
morning. Feeling somewhat calmer, I made my drink and
added enough whole milk to ensure I could drink it rapidly.
There was no need to savor it. Instead, I needed sleep. It had
been far too long. A warm chocolaty belly was a step in the
right direction, but an orgasm would really help me reach
my destination so much faster.
Setting the empty mug in the sink, I filled it with water to
make for an easier clean in the morning. It gave me an idea.
The bed hadn’t been working for me at all lately, but maybe
the shower would yield the release I needed. Heading out of
the kitchen, I walked straight into my bedroom, peeled off
my clothes, and tossed them into the laundry basket I had on
the floor of my closet. I was average height for a female and
lean, often too skinny. Lately, food had lost all flavor, just
like my life. There was no spice in it, just a bland existence.
It made me feel pathetic.
Walking into the bathroom, I avoided looking in the
mirror and instead went directly to the shower. Turning the
faucet on, I made it as hot as I could stand it. Stepping into
the stream, I let the steam hit me and savored the feel of the
water as it rolled down my body. Smoothing my hair back, I
reached for the body wash. As usual, I had worked up a
decent sweat while punching the bag in the gym. It had felt
great, but washing all that away felt better. Popping the top
of the soap, I squeezed a healthy dollop into my palm before
replacing the bottle in the shower caddy. Rubbing my hands
together, I slathered the gel over my arms and shoulders
before gliding over my flat stomach and sliding up my
narrow sides until I reached my chest.
Some women had breasts. I had nubbins, these tiny
elevations topped by a dark peach peak. Never would I be
more than a handful, I was barely a palmful. Still, I had
always loved how sensitive and responsive those nipples
were. The water had washed away the bubbles, but still I was
tugging the hard knobs until I could feel the familiar warmth
spreading inside me. Slowly, my right hand moved down
between my thighs. At first I was simply cleaning, but soon
the movement had changed. My fingers knew what to do,
finding my clitoris, rubbing just right above it.
It didn’t take long, doing it my way right away. Part of me
wondered if I’d be able to remain standing. This wasn’t the
way I normally worked. My knees weakened, threatening to
buckle. Leaning against the shower wall, I lowered myself
until I was sitting on the edge with my legs spread wide. My
fingers worked frantically until I felt it, that welcome
release, the rolling waves within as my walls contracted. Part
of me wished I had something inside me to tighten around,
but then I shivered at a long hidden memory. No. Never
again.
The calm that normally washed over me post orgasm had
disappeared almost immediately. Why was my past
bothering me so much lately? It had to be a combination of
things…no Sin to keep me busy and a Mac keeping me
constantly ill at ease. Somehow, I needed one good night of
sleep. Really, I had to believe it would make all the difference
in my attitude.
Drying off, I hung up my towel on the back of the door.
Standing naked before the mirror, I combed out my hair. It
was finally a shoulder length bob. After brushing my teeth, I
reached for the lotions, one for my face, the other for my
body. Though I was rubbing my hands over all the same
places, it didn’t have nearly the effect it had in the shower.
Now I was all business. Glancing at the clock, I saw it was
minutes before midnight, time for bed. Pulling back the
comforter for the first time in days, I luxuriated in the
feeling of the sheets on my naked body, while willing sleep
to come.
Just after three in the morning, a text came in. I know this
because the damn chime woke me up. For as long as I could
remember, I had never been woken up by the sound, which
would be why it had never occurred to me to turn it off. Oh,
and no one ever bothered me in the middle of the night. It
was just damn rude. Guilt hit me for a moment as I
considered it might be Sin with an emergency. Maybe the
twins had taken a turn for the worse.
Tapping in my password, I swiped at the screen and
accessed the offending message. It was Sin. She sent a
picture of my namesake, taking her first bottle. Okay, it was
impossible to be upset over that.
Me: Cute!
Then I went back to sleep. Half an hour later, the phone
chimed once more. I loved Sin, but right now I loved sleep
more. This time, it was Brendan being held by Ben.
Me: Nice
See what I did there? No exclamation. No conversation. It
should be obvious by now that I was really not in the mood.
So at five in the morning when the phone chimed again, I
seriously yanked it, cord and all, out of the wall, and threw it
out the bedroom door into the living area without even
leaving my bed. It felt good, for all of twelve seconds. Then
the guilt set in and I climbed out of bed to retrieve the cell.
Sure enough, it was Sin again. It was their first family
portrait. Really, it was beautiful. It would have still been
beautiful after breakfast. She could have sent it then. My text
this time was much different.
Me: Love it. Would have loved it even better after 8am. Let me
sleep and I’ll bring your favorite for breakfast. Text me again and
I’ll eat it in front of you.
And that was how I achieved cell silence. Only I couldn’t fall
back to sleep. The room was still dark. There was no noise.
The temperature was perfect, not too hot or too cold. Still, I
couldn’t manage to get comfortable, settle in, and rest again.
Finally, I gave up and decided to get dressed for the day.
Sadly, it was only seven in the morning when I wandered out
to the kitchen in a sleep-deprived stupor.
Feeling slightly naughty, I called Sin. No subtle text
messaging for her. After two rings, she answered. The first
sound I heard was a yawn. Was it wrong that her obvious
exhaustion brought me so much pleasure? Sorry, not sorry.
“Wake up, gorgeous,” I mumbled into the phone. “I
couldn’t sleep, so I’m headed your way. Want the usual from
Starbucks?”
“Mmhm,” she said without even opening her mouth. It
was something I’d seen her do countless times before. Each
time, it tickled me. She looked so sweet when she did it.
“See you in an hour.”
The drive was becoming more familiar to me. Stopping at
the Starbucks near the hospital, I picked up our drinks and
breakfast. Then, because I realized that Ben would probably
want to join us, I took a stab in the dark and bought some
extra food for him too. Again I managed to park far from the
riffraff and walked into the building.
It didn’t take long for me to arrive at her room. When I
pushed the door open, Sin was sobbing and Ben was trying to
comfort her. Setting everything down on her hospital bed
table, I moved in to give her the hug. My heart was in my
throat, imagining the very worst, which would be the loss of
a baby.
“What happened?” I asked, holding her tightly against
me.
“I’m being discharged,” she managed in between
hiccups.
Brow furrowed, I tried to figure out the down side.
“That’s a good thing, Sin.” Looking at Ben, he shrugged
helplessly before explaining.
“The twins need to be here a few more days,” he told me.
“They need some time under the billi lights for jaundice. And
they want to watch them without oxygen for a day or two.
That’s all.”
Pushing her back slightly, I looked her in the eye. “This.
This is why you are crying? I thought one of them had died,
Sin. That was cruel.”
“But I can’t take them home with me!” she wailed.
“Get over it. You will. And when you do they will be
healthy. Is the nursery ready?” I asked sternly.
Shaking her head, she admitted quietly, “I thought I had
more time.”
“Well there. Now you have something to keep you busy.
And we’ll come up and visit a couple of times a day.” Already
I was formulating a plan.
“Wait. We?” Sin asked, brightening some.
“Yeah, I’m on vacation for two weeks. You get me for the
first one, you lucky bitch.” I smiled widely at her.
Oh, but Sin never missed anything. Even with her post
partum hormonal surge, she picked right up on the little
tidbit I had left out. “What are you doing the other week?”
she asked, wearing a knowing look.
Walking over to the bag on her table, I opened it and
pulled out the pastries I had selected. Then I passed her the
drink I knew she was dying for. “Bon appetite!” I announced.
Looking at me from the corner of her eyes, she asked,
“Are you trying to distract me with food?”
Slowly, I responded, “Maybe. Is it working?”
Glancing over at Ben, she frowned. “For now.”
An hour later, we had finished all the food and started
working on plans for the next week. Just after eleven in the
morning, a nurse arrived with discharge instructions. Acting
much happier than she was when I arrived, she prepared to
go home.
“Listen, I need to head to the winery. We have an event
this weekend and I’m going to be ridiculously busy right up
to the last minute. Do you mind driving Sin home?” Ben
asked while Sin was in the shower.
“I’d love to,” I said, a smile lighting up my face. “This
may be one of the last times that I have the chance to be
alone with her.” I winked.
“You know,” Ben began slowly, “you are so different than
you were when we first met. Something has changed.”
“Yeah,” I admitted, “I wish I knew what it was.”
By noon, we were on our way. Sin had spent time with the
twins. Ben had pulled me aside to express his gratitude for
my presence. Me, I was pretty much taking it all in and
feeling a bit wistful. Watching Ben and Sin together with the
babies made me want things I never believed I could have.
Apparently, I was too quiet.
“What’s up?” Sin asked, moving gingerly to look at me.
“Damn, my vag hurts! I know what my problem is. So,
what’s your excuse?”
I tried to play coy. “Nothing,” I said, the picture of calm.
“Right. Talk to me or I tell Ben your real name.” She
crossed her arms over her chest.
“You wouldn’t dare!” I shrieked, glancing at her.
“Eyes on the road, He—”
“See that pothole up there?” I asked, interrupting her.
“Say it and I’ll hit it.”
“God, you used to be so much fun! I thought I was the one
who was supposed to get all lame now that I’m a wife and
mother,” she complained.
Tears formed in my eyes. Shaking my head sadly, I
sniffled. “I know.”
“Oh, is the air conditioning blowing in your face?” she
asked uncomfortably.
“No, Sin. I’m crying. Damn, I thought you were over this
by now,” I grumbled.
“I am. I was trying to help you, give you an out.” She
explained.
Frowning, I said, “I don’t need an out. I’m perfectly fine
with owning my feelings. I’m very complex. I’ll own all of
them!”
Leaning onto my shoulder in the close cab of the Mini
Cooper Truck, she murmured, “So what are you feeling
now?”
“I think I’m a little jealous. Maybe I want a baby,” I said
quietly.
Sitting up suddenly, she moaned in pain, then recovered
to say, “You do realize that you would need to have sex with
a man to do that, right?”
“You didn’t.” I snickered.
“Well, there’s that route, I suppose, but have you noticed
all you would be missing if you did it that way?” She looked
at me earnestly with those gorgeous eyes of hers. “Honestly,
I can’t imagine going through all of that without Ben. He was
my rock and my teddy bear.” She smiled while she spoke. “I
want this for you. All of it.”
“Impossible.” I shrugged. “There’s no way.”
“Ah, but there is,” she murmured as she leaned in. “I’ll
tell you a secret.”
Smirking, I asked, “Oh, and what’s that?”
“The trick…is to get over it.”
My brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
“It’s different for everyone. For me, it was what’s his
name. He was my defining moment. Letting him go, letting
go of my past, it made room for the love of my life.” As I
stared at her, she radiated happiness and peace.
Oh, how I wanted that. “So what do I have to get over?” I
asked.
Reaching over, Sin took my hand in hers. “You know,”
she whispered.
Yanking my hand back, I could feel the panic rising in my
throat. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Yes you do. I’ve always known. We went to the same
high school. We hung out in the same crowd. And after, when
everyone else turned away, you turned to me. Remember?”
she asked, willing me to understand.
“You knew.” Blinded by tears, I pulled over on the side of
the road and bolted from the cab. My breakfast was
threatening a repeat performance. Sure enough, by the time I
reached the rear of the truck, I was puking on the shoulder.
“Are you okay?” Sin asked, carefully exiting the vehicle.
Nodding, I pointed for her to back away. “Fine. Just
gimme a minute. And a napkin. Try the glove box. Maybe a
mint.” I looked at her sheepishly.
Mostly ignoring everything I said, she pulled a tissue
from her purse. “Here,” she said as she passed it to me. “I’m
pretty sure I have some Tic Tacs in here too.” Digging
deeper, I could hear all kinds of noise.
“What do you have in that thing?” I joked.
“Everything.” Finally her hand emerged with the small
plastic container. “Ta da!”
Snatching it from her, I emptied about half the container
into my hand and slammed them into my mouth. After
sucking and chewing for a moment, I mumbled, “Thank
you.”
Slowly, we walked back to our respective sides of the
vehicle. As soon as we were seated, I was acutely aware of
her eyes on me. “I don’t want to talk about it,” I pleaded.
With a sigh, she said, “I’ve let you get away without
talking about it for years. When it first happened, I knew it
was too painful, but now, it’s become this festering wound.
Andrew was your defining moment. Time to rise from the
ashes, babe.”
An involuntary shiver ran through me. “How did he
define me?” I whimpered. This was the scariest conversation
I’d ever had. I liked it so much better when I was the strong
one, the one in the right. Everything lately had just felt so
wrong.
“Seriously?” Her eyes widened. “How about you suddenly
became a lesbian?”
Tears poured down my face. “That’s not fair. That’s just
when I knew,” I said weakly.
“I’ve let you make that claim for years. I almost believed
you, but ever since we met Ben, you’ve been different, like
you wished you had someone like him.” She smiled wistfully.
“We all do. And you deserve that kind of love too. You know
that, right?”
Shaking my head, I asked, “How could any man love me?
How could I love any man after…that.”
We were driving again. We had made it as far as Sin’s
ridiculously long driveway. In a few minutes we’d be at the
house. I wasn’t ready to be around her staff yet. Lucy would
try to coddle me. I hated coddling, especially when I needed
it.
“Well, you could start by talking about it, letting go, and
learning to love yourself.” More Sin wisdom.
“Who are you? The Dalai fucking Lama?” I swiped at the
tears.
“It was still a new concept back then. No one understood
it. You get that right? You know you weren’t asking for it. It
was date rape.” The look on her face was intent.
“I was a virgin and a cheerleader. Those two things didn’t
go together junior year. And when this star football player
wanted to take me to the drive in, I was so excited. I probably
would have slept with him…”
Shaking her head, she said, “But not like that. He forced
you, took away your choice. It shouldn’t have been like that.”
I didn’t know what to say. We parked in front of the
house. George rushed out to come gather our bags, but Sin
kindly sent him away. Staring into the distance, I was
instantly transported back to that night. I wore a skirt. Why
didn’t I wear jeans? Why did I have to make it easy on him? I
let him kiss me. I may have even kissed back. From there, it
just grew more intense. He was everywhere all at once. He
had me pinned in the back seat and I was so weak, so thin,
all of ninety pounds soaking wet. Of course, I was scared, so I
wasn’t wet. He didn’t care. He seemed deaf to my pleas. I
pushed him. I punched him. His grip on me only tightened.
The harder I fought, the more it hurt, until finally, I stopped
fighting. I just lay there and allowed it to happen. He tried to
kiss me when he dropped me off. He promised to call, told
me I was awesome. I was numb. Luckily it was one of the
nights my mom worked. Now that I was older, she didn’t
worry about leaving me alone after dark as much. So I
showered in peace. I never mentioned it to her. I wasn’t sure
she would have known how to help me anyway. After all,
Andrew came from a very powerful family. We weren’t. I
tried to talk to Natalie, my former best friend.
Looking at Sin, I said, “Natalie said I was making it up.
She said I was just ashamed to admit I wanted it. Everyone
wanted Andrew. Why would he have to force himself on
anyone?” I sniffled. “Then it was all over school. Andrew was
privately furious with me, and publicly made fun of me. I
quit cheerleading. I quit everything. That’s when our
friendship grew. I thought you might not know, since you
never brought it up. I needed to be around someone who
didn’t hate me or worse…pity me. It was one of the many
reasons you were so easy to be around. You never cared what
anyone thought. You were my hero. Maybe you still are. And
suddenly, that money I had been saving all along had a new
purpose. We left and never went back. It was therapy and
revenge…my happiness.”
“I know,” Sin murmured into my hair while she hugged
me. “Only you aren’t happy anymore. And those walls you
built to protect yourself have become a prison.”
My eyes widened. There was more truth to her words than
she knew. “I’ve stopped sleeping.”
“So you’ve decided to take some time off and get back to
yourself. I think that’s a great idea. What are you doing for
the rest of your vacation?” she asked me. “No evasive
techniques this time.”
Turning my glassy eyes to her, I said simply, “I’m going
to Hedonism.”
30
“Y ou still love to shock me, don’t you?” Sin asked me later
while we were lounging around the pool.
“Eh, I do love to see those eyes about bulge from their
sockets,” I admitted, smiling over at her from behind my
sunglasses.
We had unpacked her and worked on the nursery for
several hours before I saw the color beginning to drain from
her face. It took some convincing, but with George and
Lucy’s help, I was able to get her to relax by the pool with a
chocolate milk. Apparently, this motherhood thing came
with a ton of responsibilities. She had to pump every couple
of hours. The need to do so was what initially had us rushing
from the truck. Her shirt had two growing wet spots. It made
me laugh and she figured it was a small price to pay to give
me some joy. Then she was shouting something about not
wasting liquid gold and locked herself in the downstairs
powder room. When I walked by the door, I heard a motor
running. In the past, I would have suspected a vibrator, but
now that she was all mature and motherly, I was going to
guess it was her breast pump.
When she finally emerged, she was happier, more relaxed
than I had seen in hours, and carrying a baggie of cream
colored milky liquid. Walking to the kitchen she grabbed a
permanent marker and wrote the date and time on a label
she found on a sheet in her purse before peeling it off. “Just
feeding the twins,” she had commented while I watched.
“By emptying the girls.” I teased.
“Yup. It’s sexy.”
“Well, you look tired. You just gave birth yesterday. Let’s
rest a bit, then I’ll drive you back to the hospital to deliver
the milk and snuggle the babies.”
“No, I need to start laundry,” she began.
“I’ll do the laundry,” Lucy piped in.
“Then what will I do?” she asked.
“There are several really lonely looking lounge chairs out
back.” George suggested.
“Go get changed into one of your maternity suits,” I
ordered.
This was how we ended out back beside the pool. It didn’t
take long for the sunshine and cool water to have the desired
effect on both of us. Only while I was busy relaxing and
letting my guard down, she was apparently planning and
plotting.
“Who are you going with?” Sin asked me as I took a sip of
the sweet tea Lucy had made me.
Her words startled me and had me spluttering. “I’m not
sure what you’re talking about,” I said, even as I realized she
could immediately see through both my words and tone.
“Right.” She rolled her eyes. “Let’s try this again. You
have never traveled alone, H. Jolie Ward. Who are you going
with?”
“Wow. You are serious. You never use most of my name,”
I joked. “And I love how you channeled your best mommy
voice on me. You are a natural.”
“Thank you,” she said crisply. “Now stop avoiding the
question.”
“There’s no getting out of this?” I asked as I batted my
eyelashes at her. “You know, I can be quite charming, I’ve
been told.”
“Who’s lying to you now?” she asked.
“That was mean!”
“You know I’m teasing, but seriously, answer the
question.” Her eyes studied me for a reaction.
Sighing, I tried to figure out how to explain it in a way
that made sense to both of us. Honestly, I was still working
on rationalizing my rash decision. “Mac. He’s my boss. And
we’re staying in separate rooms. Doesn’t count. We both just
needed to get away and he didn’t want to travel alone
either.” I shrugged, hoping I had covered all my bases and
she’d leave it alone. Just to be certain, I threw in a new
distraction. “Oh, and I hope you don’t mind, but I snagged a
few tampons from under your sink. We’ll have to stop at the
pharmacy while we’re out.”
“No worries. I wanted to go there anyway. I have a pain
script to fill that I forgot all about until the hospital meds
wore off.” She smiled at me. “As for Mac, I need to meet
him.”
“Well, I don’t see that happening.” Instead of being
satisfied, she continued to stare at me. “There’s no reason to
meet. He’s nobody.”
“Sometimes a nobody becomes somebody super
important.” Then she felt her breasts. “Time to pump.”
Standing, I reached over and offered her a hand. With a
smile, she took it. She stood up with a whimper.
“You haven’t turned me off to a baby,” I said seriously. “I
have a much higher pain tolerance than you do.”
Laying a hand on my shoulder, she said sadly, “I know.”
Then she walked into the house to collect her liquid gold.
An hour later, we had filled her prescription, picked up my
feminine hygiene products, and parked at the hospital. As we
walked in, Sin turned to me and said, “You’re going to have
to help me with the twins. Maybe you can bottle feed one
while I nurse the other.”
My heart pounded in my chest. For a moment, the
constant ache dulled. “Twist my arm,” I joked.
Sin’s normally stylish purse was replaced with a stylish
cooler. Stopping at the desk, she showed her pink and blue
bracelets so that we could be buzzed in. Then we headed
directly to the sinks to wash for three minutes before we
could see them.
“Remember when you used to wear diamond bracelets?” I
asked, nodding at her wrist.
“Yup.”
“You seem far more proud of these than you ever did of
those,” I noted.
“Oh, I am. Anyone with money can have diamonds, but
me, I made babies with my soul mate. What could be more
special?” She smiled warmly.
Sin was right. Though she didn’t say it directly, I
understood what was implied. Anyone could make a baby,
too, but only a select few could make love babies. The ache
was back. A frozen pop would never do. Slowly, I could feel
my dream slipping away. “We may never be able to raise our
babies together,” I commented.
Squeezing my arm, she murmured, “Don’t give up so
quickly. Life has a way of surprising us.”
“It’s funny, but these last few days, I’ve been thinking
about motherhood more and more. I can’t see a man in my
future, but I can’t imagine life without a baby to love. Does
that make any sense?” Shaking my head, I couldn’t believe I
was admitting all this.
“I hear what you’re saying, but I still believe you’re going
to have it all. Just like me.” Sin smiled warmly. She really did
believe what she was saying.
Then we walked into the NICU. It was much different
being on that side of the glass. There was more noise, the
beeping of the monitors, the strange pops and motors of the
machines. How any baby could get rest in that place was
beyond me. Seconds later, we were beside the twins and they
were passed out. Their nurse came over and Sin passed her
the milk.
“Thank you!” she chirped. “And who’s this?” she asked
while smiling at me.
“This is Jolie,” I said, confident the woman needed more
adult interaction. I glanced at the twins. “So, you drug them,
right?” I may have smiled, but I was only half joking.
“No, ma’am,” she said, the smiling façade never
breaking. “These little ones learn to sleep through anything.
“Ah, I see.”
“Jolie and I talked,” Sin began, “and I’ll nurse one while
she bottle feeds the other, if you don’t mind.”
“Well, we can give that a try. Are you planning on strictly
nursing?” the nurse wondered.
“No. I want Ben to be able to feed them too. I figured they
could take turns nursing and he’d always have a baby to
bottle feed breast milk.”
I marveled over her. Obviously they had this all figured
out. If I had twins, I’d feel overwhelmed. Or…maybe I
wouldn’t if I had help like she did. Soon we were sitting in
rockers across from one another in between the isolettes. Sin
was doing a fine job of discreetly nursing Jolie while I was
bottle-feeding Brendan.
“I could do this all day,” I murmured. He had one hand
wrapped around my pinky. “I’m pretty sure this little guy
made me believe in love at first sight. Now, if I could only
feel that for someone closer to my age.”
Sin laughed. “Oh, babies are easy to love. And I really
believe that if you just open your heart, you could feel this
romantic, passionate love for someone.” She let out a slow
blissful sigh. “I never thought I’d want this. Now, I can’t
imagine my life without Ben and our babies.”
“Eh, we’ll see,” I said non-committally.
Even though my head was down studying her son, I could
feel her eyes boring into me. “So, how long can you stay?”
she asked quietly.
“Well, I’m leaving on Sunday evening. I was planning on
going back to San Francisco on Saturday at the latest, getting
my laundry caught up, that kind of thing.” Brendan had
sucked down his entire bottle and now I was rolling him over
on my lap to burp him.
“Could you stay until Sunday morning, or at least late
Saturday night?” she asked, eyes twinkling with mischief.
“Lucy will do your laundry if that helps.”
My lips pursed as I considered having someone other than
me clean my underwear. “Nah. I’ll get it done on Sunday. I’ll
just need to leave by lunch. Will that work?”
She nodded happily and switched breasts. Apparently Jolie
was quite the little eater. Then a new thought occurred to
me.
“Why do you want me to stay so badly?” I frowned while I
awaited her answer.
A smile spread across her face. “We have an event
Saturday, a wedding. I need to be able to take pictures. They
hired me. Lucy can care for the babies, if they are home by
then, but I could really use an assistant.”
I pictured her running around a venue taking photos. It
could be a lot of work just being on her feet that long, forget
about lugging the equipment. No doubt Ben would be busy in
other areas. So, it was the very least I could do for her, acting
as her pack mule. “Of course. I’d love to,” I said sincerely.
The week passed in a flurry of hospital trips broken up by
Lucy’s amazing meals and some short walks around the
vineyard. Sin had a really difficult time relaxing by the pool
and seemed determined to lose the baby weight as quickly as
she could, or die trying. I didn’t think I’d do that. As
someone who had struggled her entire life to gain weight, I
might enjoy the extra pounds.
Decorating for the wedding began on Friday evening. I
helped as much as I could, careful to follow Sin’s exacting
standards. The woman knew what she wanted. Of course, she
had also probably met the bride and knew what she wanted
as well. “Is she a bridezilla?” I asked in frustration after I
was asked to retie the same bow on the back of one chair
four times.
Shaking her head, Sin admitted, “It’s not her, it’s me. She
has some pretty powerful connections and this could lead to
a good deal more business. We have a living to make here.”
I smiled. “You’re both really well off. I can’t believe you
still worry like that.”
Her brow furrowed. “I have to. This is our future, our
children’s legacy. Family is everything.” She walked toward
me. “And it’s more than that. All these people who work for
the vineyard, even George and Lucy who run our home, they
depend on us. It would be incredibly irresponsible for us to
do anything to jeopardize their livelihoods. We need to be in
a position to give them raises, bonuses, and perks.”
“Okay,” I mumbled. Her words had humbled me. “I’ll
make the best bows ever.”
“The wedding party should be here later this evening.
They are coming for the rehearsal around seven.” She spoke
the words as she rushed about the enormous tasting room
that was acting as the reception site.
“We’ll be ready,” I assured her.
Just then a text message chimed on my phone. It was Mac.
Mac: I haven’t heard from you for a few days. Ps. Are you gonna
give me your address?
Me: You’re some kind of computer genius. Find me.
I chuckled, feeling pretty proud of myself. If it came down to
it, and he couldn’t get it from HR on the late notice, I’d break
down and give it to him. Right now, however, I wanted to
make him work for it. Without another thought, I puttered
around setting up centerpieces. Moments later, there was a
tap on my shoulder. Whirling around with a smile on my
face, I was shocked to see the tapper was Mac.
Instantly, my smile faded. “Well, that was ridiculous.
How did you find me so quickly?”
Throwing his head back in laughter, he finally smiled and
said, “Blame it on a happy coincidence.”
“What’s happy about it?” I asked, frowning.
“You’re here, I’m here.”
“Right. And the coincidence would be?”
His blue-green eyes sparkled. “You’re here. I’m here.
Seems like it was meant to be.” He looked about and realized
I was working. “So you took a vacation from working as a
computer programmer to work as wedding planner?”
It was my turn to laugh. When I finished, I explained.
“No, my best friend’s husband owns the winery. She’s just
had twins and needed some help.”
“Ah, the reason you were at the hospital.” He nodded in
understanding.
Suddenly, the moment felt uncomfortable. I knew how to
talk to him in the office, but now I had no idea what to say to
him out in public. “So, don’t you have a rehearsal?” I
guessed.
Shaking his head, he smirked. “For a female, you lack
even the basest of curiosities. Don’t you even care whose
wedding it is?”
Biting on my cheek for a moment, I contemplated his
question. “Nope. Not really.”
His face fell slightly at my response. “Well, okay then,”
he said. “Good seeing you again.” He lifted a hand and
started to wave before departing, but I stopped him with a
hand on his arm.
The second he looked at my fingers on his shirt, I yanked
them back. “I’m sorry,” I muttered. “I don’t know how to
act. I have no idea what to say. Your presence has me a bit
unhinged.”
Mac stepped back and considered me for a moment with
one arm crossed over his body, one hand tucked under his
chin. “You certainly fooled me. You always seem so…cold and
detached.”
Looking down at the floor, I spoke without thinking, “It’s
a defense mechanism. Shit, anyone with the basest social
skills should know that.” Slapping a hand over my mouth, I
growled. “Dammit. See? I turn into some kind of asshole
around you. What the hell are we going to do together on an
island for a whole week? This was a terrible idea.” For the
first time since I started my ramblings, I paused to study his
reaction. He was laughing at me. Now it was my turn to walk
away.
A hand on my shoulder halted my progress. “Wait,” he
said quietly. “Just wait a moment.”
I turned and looked at him expectantly. Really, I wanted
him to talk me down, to give me a hand off the ledge that I
seemed to have walked out onto. More than anything, I was
hoping in this moment that he wouldn’t disappoint.
“It wasn’t a terrible idea. We’re going to have a blast.”
My eyebrows rose while he spoke. “We’ll have plenty of time
to get to know each other. We’ll start tomorrow, after the
reception. Then Sunday, I’ll pick you up early at five and
we’ll get a nice dinner before driving to the airport. By the
time we spend nine hours together on the plane we’ll be
thick as thieves!” He beamed at me.
“This isn’t some love connection,” I mumbled.
“Maybe not love, but I can always use another friend,” he
admitted. “No ties. All kinds of disclaimers.”
Smiling some, I asked, “You come with disclaimers?”
Shaking his head, he laughed. “Oh, no. I’m an open book.
You’re the one with disclaimers.”
Without thinking, I punched him in the arm. It surprised
both of us, but I also found myself agreeing with his
reasoning. “Okay. Let’s get to know each other.” I lifted my
hands in surrender. “Your plan is way better than
vacationing with a total stranger.”
“You should know I’m very likable.” He teased.
“Right. We’ll see.”
Before we could say anything else, a woman started
yelling. She was a tiny little brunette, very petite, super cute,
except for her attitude. “Henry!” she shouted. We both
turned her direction. “Henry MacIntyre, don’t make me
come get you. Rehearsal. Now.”
Looking at him wide-eyed, I asked, “Are you Henry?”
Nodding sheepishly, he said simply, “The bride is my
sister.”
As he walked away, Sin came over. “He was cute,” she
noted. “His name is Henry?” She offered me an exaggerated
wink.
I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. No doubt it
would be several shades of red and pink before long. “Not a
word.”
“You should totally give him your number,” she urged.
With a sigh I said, “No need. He already has it.”
“Wow. He works fast.”
“Well, he is my boss.” I shrugged.
“That was Mac?” Sin asked.
I could see her looking him over with her most discerning
look while he walked toward his sister on the other side of
the room. For a moment, I just watched her watching him.
This was new to me, wanting her approval. Never before had
I ever needed her insight into potential partners, mostly
because I never really had one. In ten years, I had never
spent more than a week or two with any given female. It was
all about need, like scratching an itch. There was no reason
for these trysts to become anything more than that. Mac
wasn’t anything, and already I cared what she thought more
than I could ever recall previously.
When she turned to give me her attention, she asked
simply, “So what are you wearing to the wedding?” Of
course while she spoke, her eyes had turned upward on the
outside edges and she was biting her lip to keep from
smiling.
“I haven’t even thought about it. What do you suggest?”
Her smile fell some. “Well, I had hoped the babies would
be coming home tonight, but the doctors want them to have
a few more days under the lights. The jaundice is worse than
they previously believed.” Her voice wavered slightly.
“Look, this is a good thing. Now you can work the
wedding without worrying if Lucy is managing the twins
okay. When you bring them home, you can be completely
devoted to them.” I offered my most reassuring smile.
“You’re right, so what if we go pick up a dress now, then
visit my babies?” She had perked up considerably.
“Won’t it be too late?”
“Nah, the NICU never closes. I can go any time of the day
or night. I just can’t spend the night.” Looping her arm
through mine, she tugged me away from the table I was
working on toward the exit.
“I’m not done!” I complained loudly.
Nodding, she said, “Yes you are, because if you don’t get
a dress you’re finished.”
My gaze flew to the heavens. “Seriously, I doubt he’ll
even notice.”
“Right. Care to make a friendly wager on that?”
“Why, Sin, I thought you weren’t a gambler.” I teased.
Giving me a sideways look, she admitted, “I wasn’t, until
I met Ben. He’s worth all the risk. Something tells me you’ll
be saying that about Mac soon enough.”
“Never,” I said, shaking my head vehemently. “Let’s just
go.”
31
B reakfast on the patio the morning of the wedding was a
rushed affair. Of course, if it wasn’t for Sin’s staff, we’d have
had no food at all. “Oh my gawd, Lucy,” I moaned in my
foodgasm, “please come home with me! You make the best
breakfast burritos ever.”
The housekeeper just laughed. No one ever took me
seriously. At that moment, Sin stood and reminded me we
had to rush to the hospital and then back here to get dressed.
There was more breast milk to be delivered, two babies to
feed and snuggle before we could do anything else.
When we returned, later than planned, but about when I
anticipated, Sin surprised me with a gift. “These are for
you,” she said, holding a box for me.
“Aw, you shouldn’t have,” I commented absently as I
reached for the present. Then I popped the lid off and
realized it was a pair of black cowboy boots. “Now you really
shouldn’t have. You know I’m more of a flip-flop girl. I even
have fancy flops for occasions such as this.”
“Well, occasions such as this demand those boots,” she
explained. “We may have to stand places that would put us
at risk for snake bites. Unless you want to spend the
beginning of your vacation in the hospital recuperating, then
you might want to reconsider your stance on cowboy boots.”
She pointed to her feet. “I’ll be wearing mine too. Trust me,
you’ll love them.”
“I may trust you in many areas, but my footwear isn’t one
of them,” I complained. Still, her reasoning was sound and I
hadn’t planned on dying this vacation.
We met in the foyer about thirty minutes later and Sin
looked amazing. At the moment, I was feeling incredibly
self-conscious. The dress was way more than I was used to, a
soft gray with crisscrossed layers over the bodice and a
series of gauzy waterfall of gauzy fabric in the skirt. At least
it was ornate enough that I didn’t require jewelry. As soon as
I hit the foyer, I was rubbing my hands down the front of the
dress.
“Stop it,” she ordered. “You look amazing. Simply
gorgeous.”
It wasn’t that I felt compelled to compliment her, I had
to. Sin was stunning, as usual. “Are you sure you just had
those babies five days ago?” I asked. “I swear you look
amazing. I hope I bounce back like that.”
“I have a long way to go, but the Spanks are helping me
along the way.” She winked as she reached for the door
handle. “You ready to do this thang?”
“Nodding,” I mourned, “I hate weddings.”
“You loved mine!” She reminded me.
“Yes, but that was different.”
“Well, Mac will be here.” She teased. “Maybe that will
change your opinion on weddings.”
“Doubt it,” I muttered. I could feel the heat rising in my
face, so I turned away and pretended to busy myself with
collecting her camera bags.
An hour later I was finally able to admit to myself that the
wedding truly was beautiful. As cynical as I was, even I could
admit that they seemed happy and in love. During the
ceremony, I caught Mac looking at me a few times. It was so
unnerving, especially since I was supposed to be Sin’s
assistant. The longer the festivities went, the more
concerned I grew. She was looking incredibly tired.
“Why did you agree to do this? Even if the twins hadn’t
come early, you would have been thirty-five weeks pregnant
with two babies while running around like this. You are
crazy. Go pump.” I had learned how to boss Sin around long
ago. Hell, I had learned to boss her around and she liked it.
“You got this?” she asked while passing me the camera, a
relieved look on her face.
“Pshaw! Of course I do.” Confidently, I took the camera
and started to point and click as proof.
Shaking her head, she teased. “Thank goodness for digital
cameras. If I had to develop all of these first…” She
shuddered.
“Please, I’m awesome. They won’t be able to tell the
difference,” I joked. We both knew that wasn’t true. I’d be
lucky to get some decent shots, mostly passable at best. Sin
had an eye. She could capture magical moments.
After snapping random shots of guests around the room
during the reception, I felt a tap on my shoulder. Turning
around, I had pasted my best smile on my face. “Oh, it’s
you,” I said, face falling when I saw Mac staring at me.
“What’s that mean?” he asked.
Shrugging, I tried to explain. “Aw, you know, when you
think it’s someone important and you turn around and…it’s
not.” I realized that sounded terrible and far worse than I
meant, so I struggled to alter my response. “You could have
been the bride.”
He was smirking at me, enjoying my discomfort. “You
really know how to make a guy feel special.”
“Well, I’ve been a lesbian, so that wasn’t really my
department.” I reminded him.
“You have a point.”
I studied him. “So what’s your point? Why did you come
over?”
“Oh.” He clapped his hands together. “Well, we talked
about getting to know one another before we spent a week
away together.”
“Hey, it’s not like that.” I reminded him. “We have
separate rooms and everything.”
Smiling wider, he admitted, “Yes, I know. Doesn’t mean I
don’t want to spend time with you tonight.” He rocked a
little on his heels while we spoke.
“Okay, so what do you suggest because…I’m working
here. It’s not like I can just go sneak off,” I announced,
bringing the camera up to my eye to prove my point.
Mac chuckled. “Hot shot, you may want to turn the
camera back on.” He pointed to the power button.
“I knew that,” I said, that all too familiar flush rising in
my face once more. To show I really did know what I was
doing, I hit the button and took a picture of the bride and
groom dancing together.
“Shouldn’t you be out there?” I asked, gesturing to the
floor where the rest of the wedding party seemed to be
twirling around.
“That, er yes. I should. Care to dance?”
Shaking my head, I sighed. “Working. What don’t you get
about that?”
“And you’re off the clock. I can take it from here,” Sin
said as she appeared out of nowhere.
“I thought you were resting,” I complained.
“I’m done. Your turn.” She snatched the camera from my
hands with one of hers, then she completed my humiliation
by introducing herself to Mac. “I’m Alysin Everly, but
everyone calls me Sin.”
“Nice to meet you. I’m Henry MacIntyre, but my friends
call me Mac.”
I rolled my eyes. “Not just your friends. I call you Mac.
Anyone who has been formally introduced to you calls you
Mac.” Then I huffed.
Her eyebrows rose a moment, then she laughed. “I like
you. Clearly you have gotten under Jolie’s skin. Good luck
with that.” She turned to face me, planted a kiss on my
flaming hot cheek and ordered, “Get out of here before I
have to call security.” Then she winked.
Offering me his arm, Mac said, “So let’s start with a
dance, shall we?”
Part of me wanted to know then what. What came after
the dance? The rest of me was afraid of ruining what might
actually be a moment. Sin was right. As much as I hated to
admit it, Mac was under my skin. Suddenly I realized I was
smiling as we walked. Crap. It seemed like I might actually
like him there.
No wonder I stumbled as we walked out onto the dance
floor. Somehow, despite the noise and action, Mac sensed it,
knew. His arm snaked around my waist as he twirled us out
onto the dance floor. My heart was pounding so loudly in my
ears, I couldn’t hear the music. All I could do was rely on him
to not let me fall, to not let me make a fool of myself. Maybe
if he succeeded in that long enough, I could actually start to
relax and enjoy the moment. It had been too long since I had
danced.
“You’re so light,” he murmured in my ear. “I swear I
could dance with you all night.”
Gradually, I leaned my head on his chest. “Keep this up
and I just might let you.” My eyes widened suddenly for a
second. Where had that come from? It must have been the
champagne. I wasn’t a wine drinker and Sin had insisted I
toast with everyone else earlier. My insides were all fidgety.
It was downright uncomfortable. We had danced in silence
through a couple of songs, one starting up just as the
previous had ended, never quite creating a seamless
opportunity for us to part ways and exit the floor. These
strange feelings inside me weren’t subsiding. If anything,
the closeness had made them worse and time had them
spreading throughout my torso.
Finally, Mac pushed me back some and forced my chin up
so I had to look him in those incredible eyes. “You look
flushed,” he noted, a worried edge to his voice. “Let’s go for
a walk outside.”
As we moved off the dance floor, he kept his arm around
my waist. It felt completely natural, as though we had done it
a hundred times. And though I always suspected I’d be put
off by his touch, instead I found myself welcoming it. This
was highly unexpected. My every movement was one of
forced concentration. I could swear my knees wanted to
buckle. “Where are we going?” I asked, genuinely curious.
“Oh, I thought we’d walk through the vineyards out back
for a moment. They look beautiful in the moonlight. And
then, I hoped to persuade you to take a little drive with me.”
“A drive, huh?” By now I was staring at him sideways.
“Why does it feel like you are up to something?”
Laughing, he opened his jacket and pulled his arms out.
“Nothing up my sleeve.” He teased. Then he threw it over
my shoulders.
“Why did you do that?” I honestly didn’t know what to
make of him half the time.
Shrugging, he admitted, “I thought you might be cold.
There’s a breeze and that dress is all gauzy and light. Give it
back if you don’t need it.”
At that I shoved my arms through the sleeves. “Later.”
Then I moved just out of arm’s reach.
“Hey!” he called. “I’m providing heat for you. You should
return the favor.” Then he pretended he was shivering and
even made his teeth chatter.
“Again. Maybe later,” I said as I danced away.
The walk through the vineyard was beautiful. It was the
kind of night that Sin would have been taking pictures left
and right with a perfect cloudless sky and loads of stars
visible without the city lights to block them. It made my
heart happy.
“You are absolutely stunning when you smile,” Mac
murmured as he hauled me against his body.
“Thank you. And you are very complimentary when you
want something. I just haven’t figured out what the
something is yet.” I winked at him.
“You got me.” He nodded. “I enjoy getting to know you.
Ready for that drive?”
Tilting my head, I studied him. I wasn’t sure what I was
looking for. Maybe I expected him to be all cocky like that
boy all those years ago. It was the last time I had been alone
with a guy ever. I tried to picture his face turning into a sneer
or Mac ever snarling at me. Somehow, I couldn’t conjure up
those images. Was it that he didn’t have it in him, or maybe I
just didn’t want him to disappoint me like that? Still, I
wasn’t a naïve girl anymore. I could go for a drive and
protect myself against the likes of him, if necessary. “Let’s
go,” I said simply.
Soon we were walking back toward the winery, then
around the outside as we headed to the parking lot. I quickly
realized that he was steering me toward this adorable Mini
Cooper I had seen parked at the office. In the daylight, I had
noted the custom paint job, the colors of a tartan plaid, navy,
green, yellow, and a hint of red. Who was this man? Could we
really have that much in common?
“Your chariot, my lady.” Slowly, he unlocked the door and
opened it for me.
Shaking my head, I looked at him as I sat in the passenger
seat. “Of course this is your car.”
His eyes twinkled even as he said, “I don’t know what you
mean.”
“You saw my vehicle. You most certainly do.” I sighed.
“Do the colors mean anything or did you buy it this way?”
“Family plaid,” he mumbled. Then he shut the door and
headed to his side of the car. Once inside, he leaned over and
kissed me on the cheek. “If I forget to tell you later, I’ve had
a really nice time tonight.”
“You are such a girl. Just drive and shut up already.” Then
I stared out the window and pretended to be annoyed while
really my heart was doing that crazy wild pounding thing in
my chest. I should probably see a cardiologist. This simply
wasn’t normal, especially for me.
Mac did as I suggested. He didn’t speak, just glanced at
me from time to time. Though I was only looking at him
from the corner of my eye, I could have sworn I saw a smirk
on his face. Finally, we came to a stop just up a tall hill above
the vineyard. He put the car in park, set the brake and
opened his door to get out. Somehow, this was scarier for me
than the idea of staying in the vehicle alone with him.
“What are we doing here?” I asked, trying to hide the fear
in my voice.
All he did was point. Following his movement, I saw a
water tower to the side, a rustic old fashioned wooden one. It
was rather charming…and tall.
“You didn’t answer the question,” I noted. “What the
hell?”
Laughing, he reminded me. “You said to shut up!”
Shaking my head in frustration, I pointed out a thing or
two. “Yeah, and I also told you to drive. The car is stopped.
What gives?”
Instead of responding, he stepped out of the Cooper and
walked around to my side. Opening the door, he offered me a
hand. When I took it, he gently helped me out, tugging me
slightly at the end so that I stumbled into his arms. It was
intentional and I couldn’t help but blush. Thank God for the
dark.
“You really are incredibly difficult to surprise. You ask too
many questions.” He shook his head at me while making a
‘tsk’ sound. “Relax, Jolie. I’d never do anything to hurt or
humiliate you.” He steered me over to the ladder. “You go up
first.”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I turned to confront
him. “You trying to peek up my skirt?”
My question must have shocked him because he started
choking before he could respond. When he finally did, I was a
bit humbled. “Actually, I was trying to keep you safe. I was
afraid you might catch a foot on all that dress and tumble
down. I planned to save you.” He looked rather proud of
himself and puffed out his chest for emphasis.
Without considering, I wrapped my arms around his neck
and kissed his cheek. “How chivalrous,” I said with a sigh. “I
guess that’s okay.” Without another word, I headed up the
ladder. I was nearly halfway up before he had even started
the climb. “Care to join me?” I called down.
My words must have shocked him into action because he
suddenly grabbed the first wrung and laughed. “Coming, not
just Jolie.”
I hated that nickname, but I let it slide at the moment.
Soon, I was on the walkway surrounding the enormous
barrel. By the time I had walked all the way around, he had
made it to the landing. “Now what?” I asked.
“Impatient much?” He chuckled as he considered his
response. “So, I had a conversation with Ben. He told me
about this place.”
Looking about, I said, “Huh. Sin’s never mentioned it.”
“Well, they have their own special place here. This is
ours.”
I stiffened. Why would we need a special place? He was
my boss. “So now we stare off at the sky and watch for
shooting stars or some crap?”
Smiling, he said, “Close.” He felt around and must have
found what he sought because I could hear the metallic
sound of a latch. Mac continued around the platform and
performed the same act several more times. “Now, hot shot,
I need you to help me slide this off.”
“But Ben!” I protested.
“He’s the one who suggested it.” Then he reached above
his head again to push on the huge conical lid. It gave some.
I added my efforts and soon it had slid until it was resting
against the railing on the far side of the platform. Just as I
was about to ask again what we were doing, Mac started
taking off his shoes, then his shirt, tie, and pants. All I could
do was stare. He looked so much different than I expected.
There was a lot of muscle definition there for a stuffy British
computer geek. He had a nice medium build, a trim waist,
and only a hint of a happy trail that disappeared below his
boxer briefs. Yum. Boxer briefs.
“Stop staring.” He teased.
Turning away, I considered my next move. He was
incredibly attractive, but I couldn’t help thinking I should
rush down to the car. It was just over there, all of five feet
from the ladder I was standing next to. My thoughts were
interrupted by a splash. Some water spilled over the side and
pooled around my feet.
“What the hell?” Looking up, I could see Mac peering
over the side at me.
“Come on in. The water is perfect. I won’t even peek.
See?” He covered his eyes as proof.
Laughing, I considered. The fear seemed to be subsiding.
Maybe I could do this. Maybe it was time for a change, a new
turning point. I didn’t have to be defined by the past. From
now on, I could have a different life, a better one. The
vacation could be the start of a whole new chapter for me.
More than anything, I wanted to be at peace in my own skin
again. With a sigh and a shrug, I stripped down to my bra
and panties. Then, as I passed his pile on the way to the
ladder up the side, I realized he had taken off his boxers
when I wasn’t looking. Inhaling deeply, I turned and added
my underwear to my pile.
Climbing the ladder, I reached the top and looked for Mac.
He was on the far side, facing out. True to his word, he didn’t
even turn around when I climbed down the ladder on the
inside rim and glided into the water. “I’m in,” I announced.
“You can look.”
Casually, he turned to face me. “This is amazing. I’m
going to have to really thank Ben for this later,” he
commented.
Floating on my back, I gazed up at the stars. “Yeah, this is
pretty perfect.” It almost pained me to admit it. Then I
remembered that I had to be different to have a different life.
I had to relax and trust. Mac seemed worthy of it.
“So tell me about Hedonism,” he said as he floated
nearby. “I didn’t have time to research and this time
tomorrow we’ll be on a plane headed there.”
My laugh had a slightly naughty edge to it, surprising
both of us. “What do you want to know?”
“What is there to do? What is the dress code? I still have
to pack. And you mentioned our birth certificates?” He
paddled closer so we could talk.
Realizing my boobs were just above the water line, I sank
below and decided to tread water instead. My feet couldn’t
touch bottom and keep me above water. “I just glanced over
the list of what we needed. Passport and birth certificate
were at the top of the list.” Smiling wickedly at him, I added,
“There’s a prude and nude side.” I watched for a reaction. He
gave none. How I loved a guy who could go toe to toe with
me without flinching. Dammit. Now he was earning my
respect.
Brushing those thoughts aside, I looked at him and
continued. “It looks like there are theme parties every night.
You really should glance at the website because I can’t
remember what they are. I’ll be packing in the morning.”
Then because I was tiring fast, I paddled over to the side and
grabbed on.
He followed suit. Once he had his hand on the side, he
said, “Okay, I can do that.”
“I think there’s a special workshop or something. We may
need to partner up for it. You cool with that?” I smiled as I
waited for his response.
“What kind of workshop?”
“Looks like tantric sex week. I figured it might be fun.
Who couldn’t use some new techniques?” My look this time
was pure challenge. It was time to see what he was made of.
“Sure. Even if there is nothing wrong with my technique,
who couldn’t stand to learn a few new tricks?” He met my
stare with his own. “Let’s make a pledge right now.”
“A pledge?”
“Yup. We’ll treat it like Vegas. A week of decadence. We’ll
play along with whatever they have planned, no questions,
just pure abandon. Then it will be business as usual when we
return.” He studied me for a reaction.
Holding out my hand, I agreed. “Let’s do this.”
We shook on it. After a few more laps, we headed down
the ladder and struggled to dress our wet bodies in dry
clothes again. Together we pushed the lid back into place.
Mac expertly locked it down. Then it was time to head to the
car. As he drove me back to the reception, I wondered what
was nagging at me.
Too bad the vacation wasn’t a week later. I’d be ovulating
then. And if I could break down that fear of sex with men, I
might have had a chance to make a baby with Mac. Sin was
right. It was better for me to have a child with someone I
knew.
32
W hen he dropped me off in front of the reception hall at
the winery, I couldn’t help but look at him differently.
“Coming back in?” I asked.
Shaking his head, he stifled a yawn. “I need to rest up. I’ll
pick you up for dinner at five tomorrow and we’ll head to the
airport from there. Still have to pack and rest up.” He
winked. “I have a feeling you are going to wear me out.”
Acknowledging the truth of that statement, I grinned.
“Yeah. I bet I will. See you then.” Turning, I headed back into
the reception. Though Sin had sent me away, I knew there
would be plenty of work to do and I wanted to help her get
out of there. After scanning the room for less than a minute,
I found her. Sin always did stand out in a crowd. Walking
over to her, I smiled.
“Hey, you’re wet,” she noted. “Where did you go?”
“Long story.” Then I noticed she was wiping away a tear.
“Hey, you’re crying. What happened?”
“I’m not crying.” She insisted. “It’s just happiness
leaking out. I called the hospital.” She paused for a moment
and looked at me. Clearly, I was supposed to question her.
“Spit it out!” Sometimes her flair for the dramatic
frustrated the hell out of me.
Laughing, she wiped more tears away before saying, “The
twins can come home tomorrow.”
“Awesome. So, are we picking them up at midnight?” I
teased.
Shaking her head, she announced, “We’ll pick them up at
nine. Please tell me you’ll come.”
Shrugging, I pretended to consider her request. “Duh.
Like I’d miss that. I’ll be the one behind the camera.”
Looking around the room once more, I realized that most
everyone had finally left. “What can I do to help you get to
bed faster?” I asked.
“Nothing,” she said. “Ben has people to take care of all
the clean up. It’s less detail oriented than the set up. I’m just
waiting to get the parting shots of the happy couple, then
I’m out of here.”
“Want me to wait for you?”
“Nah. Ben will drive me back. I’ll meet you out by the
pool. We have some gossiping to do.” She winked at me.
“Okay.” With that settled, I bounded toward the door. For
some reason, I was giddy. Naturally, Sin picked right up on
it.
“You seem happy. Good time with Mac?” One eyebrow
rose in expectation.
“Eh,” I responded non-committally. “I’m just excited
about driving the golf cart back.
“Yeah. I’m sure that’s it.” She shook her head and rolled
her eyes.
Giggling, I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Thank
you, for everything,” I managed. Then I bounced out the
door without looking back, just like Sin had taught me. Of
course, when she did it, it looked more like a sashay. For me
it was more like a kid clomping around in cowboy boots.
There was nothing alluring about it.
I hopped in the cart just outside the door and drove back
to the house. It didn’t take long, just enough time for me to
recall the events of the evening with Mac. For some reason, I
had felt compelled to kiss him on the cheek. He was friendly,
but he didn’t try anything. Hell, I didn’t think he even
checked me out. Maybe he wasn’t attracted to me in the
least. Maybe I misread him on the dance floor.
After I put the keys to the golf cart on the rack by the
garage door, I trudged up the steps to the guest bedroom.
Sure, Sin had said she wanted to talk, but clearly there was
nothing to talk about. We were going away for a week, but it
wasn’t like we were going away for a week together.
Immediately, my hopes for overcoming my fears were
diminished, and my dream of a baby shriveled up and died.
Closing the door behind me, I started undressing. Naked
once more, I walked into the guest bathroom and studied my
body as objectively as possible.
Sin was curvy and perfect. I was built like a fourteenyear-old boy. No wonder Mac hadn’t made a move. He was
probably used to hot chicks. Short of implants, there was
little I could do about that now. And it wasn’t like I had time
to get implants before the trip. Damn, when had I turned all
girly and started caring about my appearance, worrying over
men finding me attractive? Only it wasn’t about men, it was
Mac. He was totally different.
A few short hours later, Sin was knocking lightly on my
door. When I failed to answer, she turned the handle and
opened the door a crack. The light from the hall made its way
to the bed, spreading over my torso. Then she whispered my
name. I heard her, but pretended to be asleep. At the
moment, I wasn’t in the mood for talking. My soft pink
underbelly was showing and though I could count on her to
build me up, I didn’t want it. Right now, I was determined to
wallow. A night of misery was just what I needed to toughen
me up before the big trip.
The next morning, I made my way down the stairs, duffle bag
in hand, packed and ready to go. Setting it by the door, I
headed out to the patio to look for Sin. She was already
dressed and looking fabulous. At the moment, she and Ben
seemed to be enjoying their last hours of couple-hood. It
almost pained me to join them, but before I could get away,
she saw me standing at the door.
“Get out here,” she demanded. “Grab a drink and a
plate.” She gestured to the morning buffet Lucy had set out.
“Then we need to talk about last night before we go get the
babies.”
“God, you’re bossy,” I complained as I sat down at the
table empty handed.
“Well, it’s not like you listen to me,” she said while
glaring at me. Turning to Ben, she added, “If our kids grow
up and treat me like this…”
“They won’t. They will love and respect you for the
amazing woman, loving wife and devoted mother that you
are.” Ben kissed her adoringly on the forehead. Sin leaned
into him and snuggled under his chin while I looked on.
Fuck. I still wanted that. A few words and a kiss and he
had balanced her out once more. There was something to be
said for finding one’s true love. I was twenty-nine years old
and no closer to finding mine than I was when I exited the
womb.
“I’m going to drive separately and leave from the
hospital,” I warned them. “I have a lot to do before I head
out of town for a week.”
“Now be sure to call me just as soon as you check in.” Sin
picked up a piece of toast after giving me yet another order.
“You’ve got this mothering thing down. Thank goodness
for the twins. Once you’re busy with them, you can start to
lay off me,” I commented.
Shaking her head, she said, “I’m afraid not. There’s no
letting off you until you are married. Someone has to take
care of you.” She winked.
Looking at the time on my cell phone, I announced,
“Well, it’s eight thirty am. We should be going, right?”
She started to open her mouth again, but Ben silenced her
with a look and said, “Sure, just as soon as you have a bite to
eat. Lucy knew you were leaving us and she made all your
favorites. You’ll hurt her feelings if you don’t at least choke
down a little food before we leave.”
My heart sank. Man, Ben really knew how to get to me.
“You suck,” I grumbled. Then I stood and walked to the
chafing dishes. Picking up a plate, I began to load it,
powerless against the crab cake benedict she had prepared,
with extra hollandaise. Out of the corner of my eye, I could
see them smiling and congratulating themselves. “Yeah, as
parents you will definitely pack the one two punch. Geesh.
That wasn’t even fair,” I complained.
Then I sat down to eat, confident it would be my last meal
before the one I enjoyed with Mac prior to boarding. At the
moment, food had lost its flavor. My nerves had kicked in. I
could barely concentrate. Honestly, I just wanted to get away
from them and all their happiness. It was too much, made
me too acutely aware of what I was missing.
An hour later at the hospital I felt no better. Sure my
stomach was full, but that just meant there was food to lose
while it was churning. Luckily, I had a task to focus on. While
Sin and Ben dressed the twins and gathered their belongings,
I took pictures. Somehow, I had managed to capture all those
adoring looks and so much love. My heart absolutely ached.
Don’t get me wrong, I was thrilled for Sin. She and Ben were
a perfect match. The more time I spent with them, the more
convinced I became that I would never find that. It had to be
rare.
We headed down the elevator to the lobby area. Ben went
to pull up the vehicle while we waited. “I can’t believe this is
my life sometimes,” Sin confided in me. “I look at these
amazing babies and can’t understand how anything so
perfect came out of me. I spend time alone with Ben and I
wonder what I ever did to win the love of such a devoted and
affectionate man. Oh, Jolie, hug me!” Then, before I could
agree, she wrapped her arms around me. We hugged a
moment and I was pretty sure we were both crying when Ben
returned.
“What? I can’t leave you two alone for a moment. Did you
not get the memo? This is a joyous occasion.” He hugged his
wife to his chest. “I love you, Sin. Thank you for making me
a daddy and a husband. I couldn’t have this life with anyone
but you.”
Hearing his heartfelt words only made me cry harder.
Apparently it had the same effect on Sin. She was struggling
to keep the happiness leakage under control. Ben reached
over and lifted one car seat at a time, snapping them into
place in the SUV.
Finally, after they loaded the babies in the car, and I had
taken shots of them waving as they drove away, I headed to
my vehicle. This was going to be a long day. I had almost
seven hours to kill before Mac arrived and only an hour of
laundry to do. With all these years of experience, I could pack
in my sleep. What the hell was I going to do with myself?
The answer seemed obvious. I played the game I had
started most recently. What would Sin do? She didn’t freak
out. She knew how to relax. Most importantly, Sin always
looked fabulous. Since I was going away with a man for the
first time ever, I wanted to look the part. As soon as I reached
my apartment, I dragged my bag into the bedroom, emptied
it, and started that load of laundry. Once that was done, I sat
back in the lounge chair and started researching spas.
There had to be at least one local place that could take me
last minute and keep me occupied for the remainder of the
day. Maybe I could find some beauty products. Certainly,
there was nothing wrong with me that an afternoon of
pampering and relaxing couldn’t fix, right? Seriously, even I
had doubts. Worse, I had no idea where to look, where to
begin. Sin had always done this for us. Mostly, she knew I
wasn’t really into it. Spas were her thing. I didn’t know how
to relax. My habit had always been to work until I crashed.
I’d sleep as long as my body needed, then I’d wake up. It was
my standard cycle.
Lately I had been working myself until I dropped. The flex
hours at work allowed for that nicely. Only now, it seemed
like it wasn’t enough. I needed that change. So I looked up
Living Social in San Francisco. Of course, I had to create a
damn account because I’d never had one before, but it was
the only way I knew to find some spas. The first place on
there was Zazen. It showed a woman floating in water. That
was the entire therapy, just floating in ten inches of water. I
didn’t have a private pool at the moment. It might be nice to
float around for sixty minutes and just relax.
Punching the numbers into my phone, I decided to check
for the availability. There was one spot left late in the
afternoon. “What other spa services do you offer?” I asked.
“Can I get a facial or a mani and pedi?”
“No,” a woman calmly explained. Clearly, she had this
whole Zen thing down. “We offer yoga, acupuncture, and
meditation.”
I tried to picture myself a human pincushion and simply
couldn’t. “Maybe some other time. Thank you.” Then I hung
up.
The next place I called was Organic Bliss. While I didn’t
care if my products were all natural or chemical, I did like
the use of the word ‘bliss.’ At the moment, I wanted more
bliss in my life. This time, I visited the website in advance.
They offered everything I wanted.
“I don’t suppose you have time for a Royale treatment
today?” I asked. After the last letdown, I was starting to feel
desperate.
“Actually, we do. If you can be here by eleven am, we can
have you done by four in the afternoon. Will that work?” She
seemed perkier and less serene. This was the place.
“Sign me up!” I chirped. Her mood was apparently
contagious.
After throwing my clothes in the dryer, I packed my
toiletries and pulled out my traveling outfit. We’d be flying
overnight. It was all about comfort. Grabbing a maxi skirt in
lavender and a black tank from the closet, I laid them on the
bed and turned my attention to the suitcase and carry on.
Before long, all my electronics and power cords were in the
smaller bag and a whole lot of fun clothes were in the
suitcase. After all, there were theme nights. I was determined
that Mac would have eyes for no other woman. For some
reason, that was more important to me than anything. Just
once, I wanted to feel like enough.
With the packing mostly accomplished, aside from a few
items I’d add from the dryer when I returned, I was ready for
my spa day. Just knowing that I was going to the spa made
me feel absolutely decadent. It just seemed strange going
without Sin. When she called while I was en route, I felt
particularly guilty.
“Whatcha doing?” she asked. From the sound of her
voice, I could picture her curled up on her bed.
“I’m taking a little time for myself before I leave tonight.
I just really needed a distraction. Lately, I don’t even know
what to do. I’m ready to climb out of my skin half the time.”
I blathered on, careful to never truly answer her question.
“Sounds lovely. So, I ask again, whatcha doing?” There
was an edge to her voice, as if she was already losing
patience with my antics.
Sighing, I responded, “I’m headed to a spa for the royal
treatment.” Then I waited for her to respond, to tease me, to
make me feel guilty because she wasn’t with me.
“Oh, sounds wonderful. I’m just lying in bed, snuggling
my babies.”
There it was. I knew it. Bed. “Sounds relaxing,” I agreed.
“It is. Next time you need to relax, come hang out with
my babies. They are magical little stress relievers.” She
sighed happily.
“Huh. I thought babies created stress,” I joked.
“Not mine. Perfect, remember?” She laughed.
“Of course they are. So maybe I should just have one of
my own.” There was a brief ache in my chest that I refused
to acknowledge. “Well, I’m here, so let me go. I’ll call from
Jamaica.” Honestly, I had ten more minutes in the car, but I
couldn’t handle talking to her at the moment.
“You bet. Talk to you soon.”
Thus ended our last conversation before I flew off to
Hedonism. Part of me worried that Sin and I would grow
apart. Here she was a wife and mother while I was still single
and lonely. Being around her only made me feel more single
and lonely. How could our friendship survive that? For a
moment, I tried to consider my life without her. It was
impossible. We had been intertwined for too many years. She
wasn’t trying to be happy to make me miserable, she was
simply genuinely happy. Somehow, I would cope. I’d get
through it. I’d accept my fate and embrace my life as it was.
Maybe that was the best I could hope for. I’d even learn to
enjoy afternoons at the spa. How hard could it be?
Bolstering myself, I parked the truck and headed into the
spa. The facial, mani, pedi, and salt scrub body treatment
would make me feel much better, I hoped. Supposedly, it was
better to look good than feel good. I’d take what I could get.
Check-in was quick and painless. I was offered water or tea
and opted for water. Let’s face it, there was no way the spa
would allow me the amount of sugar I would need to make
the drink palatable.
Before long, an esthetician was calling my name and
bringing me into the depths of the building. As far as I could
tell, it was a pretty standard spa experience with the
exception of the products being natural. If pressed, I would
have to admit it did make the place smell better when
compared to those that offered chemical options. Getting
undressed had never bothered me. Soon, I had a locker and a
bathrobe. Incidentally, I loved bathrobes. Then I was brought
to have my facial. It was a ninety-minute one, far longer
than any previous. If that didn’t make me gorgeous, nothing
would. I tried to let my mind relax while I lay there and
listened to the woman tell me how beautiful my skin was. I
never placed too much stock in compliments from people
looking for a tip. My next treatment was the salt scrub. Gah,
there was nothing I could do at home to make me feel this
amazing. If Mac didn’t touch me, he was really going to miss
out. A smile spread as I considered what his hands on my
bare skin might feel like. Then a shiver ran through me.
“Too cold?” the esthetician asked as she rinsed me.
My face grew warm and I knew a blush filled my cheeks.
“Sorry. Just thinking.”
My last two treatments were for the mani and pedi.
Luckily, I wasn’t tortured by having some tech who was
determined to make conversation. For the time, I wanted to
be completely lost in thought. I needed to consider
everything that was happening over the next week. I really
had to get my game face on and psych myself up for this
experience. As much as I wanted it, nothing about it felt
natural.
Finally, I was done, and the afternoon was gone. I paid
and generously tipped before heading back to my apartment.
It was a good twenty-minute drive. By the time I made it
back, I only had a few minutes to grab and fold the clothes I
needed from the dryer before Mac arrived. Seemed perfect. If
I had longer, I would’ve only gotten myself all worked up.
After parking in my assigned spot, I walked up the flight
of stairs to my second floor apartment. Reaching the door, I
unlocked it and walked directly into the laundry room.
Grabbing out a few of my favorite outfits, I folded them
while I walked. Laying them neatly in the suitcase still open
on my bed, I secured them within before zipping it closed.
Then I peeled off my spa clothes and threw them into the
empty basket in the bottom of my closet. The clock on the
wall reminded me I had less than five minutes until Mac was
supposed to be here. A moment later, I had pulled up the
maxi skirt and had smoothed the tank top when there was a
knock on my door. Fuck. I peeked at myself in the bathroom
mirror.
“Just a minute!” I called. I wanted to spritz myself with
some perfume and make my lips totally kissable with a clear
gloss before I faced him.
Before he could knock again, I had hauled the suitcase off
the bed and grabbed the carry-on. Slowly, carefully, I made
my way to the door. Taking a deep breath, I reached for the
handle. This was it.
Opening the door, it was just as I expected. There was Mac
looking adorable and gorgeous and desirable all over again.
“Hello, gorgeous,” he said confidently. “Ready to go?”
33
I t felt like a loaded question. Was I ready to go? Smiling
nervously, I finally managed to utter the words that would
seal my fate. “Let’s do this.”
Though I turned to pick up my bags, Mac brushed my
hands away. “I’ve got these,” he said. “Now, you
remembered to pack your birth certificate and passport in
your purse, right?”
This guy had no idea how much traveling I had done. Hell,
Sin and I could have written books on at least fifteen
countries through the years. We’d spent three months in
Costa Rica once. Still, we didn’t need to start the trip with a
fight, so I looked at him blandly. “Yup.”
“Sorry, didn’t mean to offend you,” he mumbled. Then,
as soon as we walked out the door, he brightened. “Tell me
you like sushi.” His eyes sparkled and he practically shined
with excitement.
“Of course I do.” Part of me wanted to make some smart
remark, but I held back. This trip was really important to me.
How it all played out really mattered to me, to my future.
Though I couldn’t explain why if pressed, something in me
just knew it.
We walked down the stairs together. Those muscles he
kept so well hidden beneath his computer geek exterior were
really coming in handy. He didn’t seem to be struggling at
all. When we reached the parking lot there was a limousine
waiting for us.
“What the hell?” I asked while gesturing to the driver.
The words just kind of slipped out. I had little experience
with holding back. Who did I have to impress? Sin never
cared if I cursed.
Mac laughed. “Suitcases don’t really fit in the Cooper.”
He reminded me.
Instantly, I felt stupid. “I knew that. I just didn’t expect to
see a limo.”
Passing my luggage to the driver, he turned and laid his
hands on my shoulders. “I figured it’d be nice not dealing
with parking issues for dinner or at the airport. This will
make it so much more fun.” Then he gestured for me to get
in the vehicle.
There hadn’t been a lot of reasons for me to ride in a limo.
Sin and I had a girl night instead of going to the junior or
senior prom. Sure, she’d been asked. She just wasn’t going to
do any of that without me. Sin had always been an awesome
friend. When I would worry about her reputation, she would
remind me none of this mattered, but our friendship always
would. No wonder I loved her so much. As I reminisced, I
must have been fidgeting. Suddenly, Mac’s hand was on my
thigh, just above my knee. I stared at it there a moment
before looking up at his face.
He was just staring back, smiling warmly. No ulterior
motive was evident in his gaze. “Relax,” he said calmly.
“We’re going to have an amazing time. Promise.”
Nodding, I leaned my head back and tried to channel
some kind of peace. I knew I should have gone for a massage.
Maybe that Zen chick was right. An hour floating might have
really been what I needed. He hadn’t even noticed my toes.
“Did you get a pedicure today? Your toes look so pretty,”
he said happily. Then he smiled at me.
Something happened inside. I think that ice around my
heart started to melt. Oh, and the heat that was generated
was coloring my cheeks. Looking out the window, I
mumbled, “Eh, I had some time to kill.” I whipped around in
my seat when he grabbed my hand. My jaw snapped shut
when I realized he was just admiring my manicure. He
hadn’t missed a thing.
“You look beautiful,” he said sincerely. “Look at me with
the arm candy.” Then he stretched and threw an arm around
my shoulder. His hand rubbed up and down my skin. “Damn,
you’re soft.” He crushed me against him a moment before he
took his limb back. “Too good. Too much,” he muttered.
Before I could say anything, the glass partition came
down. “We’ve arrived at the restaurant, Mr. MacIntyre.”
“Thank you,” he responded in his most professional
voice.
Moments later, the door opened and Mac stepped out. He
turned immediately and offered me his hand. When I
grabbed it, something felt different. It had me thinking of
Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle. While his touch couldn’t be
described as home, there was something very comforting
about it, something so natural that when I stood, lacing my
fingers through his just made sense. He gave me a squeeze,
as if he was trying to make certain I wanted to hold hands.
For the first time all day, I was calm. Confidently, I squeezed
his back and marveled at his magical touch.
An hour and a half later we were seated in the back of the
limo, headed to the airport. “I hope we can get through
security quickly,” he commented. “I hate lines.”
“This is the only time I do them,” I acknowledged.
Turning to face me, he said in complete disbelief,
“Impossible. There are places that lines are simply
unavoidable.”
I scrunched up my face to contemplate a moment. It
wasn’t my intention to lie. After a good thirty seconds of
silence, I finally admitted, “Nope. I can’t think of a
situation.”
“Concerts,” he offered in challenge.
Shaking my head, I said, “Never. I go, but I’ve never had
to stand in a line. I come with tickets. I show them. I walk
in.”
“Concession stands!”
Laughing, I responded, “Nah. I eat before I go.”
Cocking his head to the side, he seemed to be considering
other locations. “Clubs?”
“Bahaha! No. I only went clubbing with Sin. Does she look
like someone who has ever had to wait to get in?”
Nodding, he admitted, “Good point.” His finger rose.
“I’ve got it. Grocery shopping.”
“If I need to get a lot, I order online and pull up. I don’t
even go inside.” I leaned over and smiled at him. “This is
fun.”
“Glad you’re enjoying yourself. Banks?” He looked almost
defeated.
“Online banking, baby. I’m not sure I even know where a
branch is.” Leaning back, I folded my hands behind my head.
“Go on. Keep trying.” I teased.
Mac studied me. There was a warmth in his eyes I hadn’t
noticed before. It made me wish we had a closer relationship,
and I could just bury myself in his neck, inhale his scent, and
lie in his arms all night. “You never cease to amaze me,
Jolie,” he murmured.
The partition came down once more. “Which airline are
you flying? We’ve arrived at the airport and I need to know
where to drop you off.”
“Oh, sorry,” I said as I dug through my purse and pulled
out the tickets I had printed off the computer in my
apartment. “Looks like US Air. Thank you!”
Soon enough, we were stopping beside a curb and Mac
had stepped out of the vehicle. This time, he walked around
to my door and opened it for me. Again I was offered a hand.
It was way too easy to grow accustomed to his kind words,
his gentle gestures. After a week, I’d be mush. I’d have no
backbone at all. The man was making me soft.
“Be prepared for lines,” Mac warned as we walked into
the airport terminal.
Shaking my head, I said confidently, “Not this time of
night.”
Then he offered me his arm and my stomach flopped
around. I figured I’d be an idiot not to hold onto him since I
was suddenly feeling all weak-kneed. It was strange because
I was an excellent traveler. So, I hooked my arm though his
and let him lead me around like the helpless female he was
probably used to.
We walked in and discovered there really weren’t any
lines. Ha! I pulled my arm from his long enough to get my
license out of my purse. I passed him his ticket. As I did so,
he stopped me.
“Wait. Jolie isn’t your name?” he asked.
Immediately, I knew he had seen the H. Though I had
never rid myself of it completely because my mother went to
the trouble of naming me after some relative she loved, I did
trim it down a bit. Now on all legal documents, I was H. Jolie
Ward. It was easier. It felt more like me. “Yup, your turn,” I
mumbled and shoved him toward the waiting agent.
“You think you know a person,” he joked as he walked
away.
Seconds later, I was standing in front of the agent beside
him. It was all going very smoothly until he started in. “I
think you should make her tell you what the ‘H’ in her name
stands for,” he said almost giddily. “For all you know, it
could be Habib, or Houssein! She may be a terrorist sneaking
on a plane.”
“Oh my God! Did you just say that? We’re going to get
thrown off this plane. You can’t even joke about that stuff
around TSA!” I was trying to keep my voice down, but I could
feel myself getting all prickly. My name was a sensitive
enough topic.
“See, short temper. She could be very dangerous.” He
smirked.
“If I get to Jamaica, I’m going to make your life hell,” I
warned.
“You flagged her in the computer, right?” he asked. “I
mean, she should probably at least be frisked. Maybe she
needs a full body cavity search.”
Luckily, the women checking us in seemed to understand
he was just joking. “I’m sorry. He’s not used to getting out.
Can’t control himself. I’ll make sure he takes his meds
before we get on the plane.” I looked over at him and glared.
“Have fun,” the woman behind the counter said when she
handed me my ticket. “And try to behave yourselves. Where
are you going anyway?”
“Hedonism,” I responded, with an arched brow.
Her head rolled back in laughter. “Well, then you don’t
have to worry about behaving yourselves. Perfect.”
Then we were off to security. It was only a bit slower and
my night was made when Mac was pulled aside. The guard
gave him a serious pat down.
“I feel completely violated,” he mumbled as we walked
toward the gate.
“Behave yourself or I’ll be giving you the Blue Glove
treatment,” I teased. “I think that will be my threat for you
from now on. I’ll carry one or two in my purse at all times
and just snap it here or there to keep you in line.” I sighed
happily as I imagined the fun I could have.
“Wow. I can actually see the wheels spinning in your
head. You’re a little bit scary sometimes.” He laughed.
We walked through the terminal slowly, knowing we still
had a good hour to kill. “Let’s go in there,” he remarked,
pointing toward a bakery.
So, we veered into Just Desserts. The scents beckoned me
like a siren’s call. “What are we doing here?” I loved
bakeries. The problem I had with them was mainly that I
wanted everything. And I don’t mean that I couldn’t decide
between two or three items. Instead, I wanted to buy one of
each. The bigger issue was that I could totally afford to do
that. Mostly, I avoided going altogether because of it.
“We need supplies,” he said without even pausing to look
at me.
Since he had pointed the store out, he hadn’t taken his
eyes off the cupcakes, to the extent that I was nearly jealous.
Yes, I was completely irrationally annoyed by the attentions
those bakery goods were receiving. Fuck.
“Pick,” he ordered.
Shaking my head, I pleaded, “Don’t make me.”
“You have to,” he muttered. “I can’t. I’m powerless.
Whatever you want. Order it. We’ll take it with us. Plane food
sucks.”
“Can we do that?” I asked the woman behind the counter,
who seemed to be laughing at us. She nodded in response.
“And how long are they good for?”
“Well,” she said slowly, “they lose their freshness after a
day or so. You know how bakery goods are.”
Shaking my head, I struggled to explain. “No, I don’t
know. Nothing has ever lasted long enough around me to
ever get stale.”
“Get out,” Mac managed as he punched me in the
shoulder. “I’m the same way!”
Covering my face, I thought about how dangerous this
situation could be. “So what would you like?” the woman
asked. When I glanced at her, she was beaming. No doubt,
we’d be the biggest sale of the night.
“I need one Lemon Drop cupcake, one Chocolate Fudge.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Mac shaking his
head. “Make that two Chocolate Fudge.” He shook his head
again. “Three?” I asked. He nodded. “I need one Strawberry
Patch.” He lifted a finger. “I meant two,” I laughed. “Do I
need any Red Velvet?” I asked him.
“Yes, she needs one Red Velvet, one Carrot Cake. Oh, we’ll
need two of the sour cream coffee cakes.” I jabbed him in the
shoulder. “More?” he asked.
“Why coffee cakes?” I asked.
“Breakfast. It could be horrible on the plane,” he
explained.
“Oh, good thinking. Make it four.”
By the time we were done, we had a grocery-sized bag of
goodies to walk around with. “People are staring,” I
complained.
“They are just jealous, love.” At the moment, I was busy
sharing one of the Chocolate Fudge cupcakes with him. “In
my mouth,” he moaned. “More. Faster.”
“You’re bossy,” I noted.
“Well, I am a boss.” He reminded me. “Hell, I’m even
your boss.”
“Now I just feel dirty.” Without another word, I popped
the rest of the cupcake into my mouth. “Sorry, dude. I need
this more than you.”
He laughed. “Okay, which one shall we eat next? Red
Velvet?”
“You’re on your own with that. I never eat them. It’s like
biting into bleeding chocolate. I just can’t do it.” I stuck my
tongue out and made a gagging noise for emphasis.
“You’re serious.” He looked at me wide eyed. “I didn’t
think you were afraid of anything.”
“Pshaw! Fear has nothing to do with it. I’m grossed out.
And I always feel so betrayed. Chocolate should be brown.” I
crossed my arms over my chest.
“So white chocolate?”
Making the sign of the cross with my fingers in front of
his face, I shouted, “Blasphemer!” Then more calmly, I
continued educating him. “There is no such thing as white
chocolate. Remember…chocolate should be brown.”
Mac was laughing. “Jolie,” he began, “I’m really going to
enjoy our week together. You are so much more than you
seem in that stuffy office.”
There was a chance I would have come up with some kind
of clever response, but they started announcing our flight
was boarding. These compliments pained me. I was so
unaccustomed to male attention. Ever since the night of the
rape, I had avoided males altogether. Now, here was Mac. He
was warm and generous. More than that, for some reason, he
seemed to like me—really, really like me. The more time we
spent together, the more I wanted him to. I wanted to see
where this was going to go.
We headed to our gate and as we reached the counter,
Mac spoke to the woman. “I don’t suppose there’s any
chance that we can pay for an upgrade to first class?”
After studying her screen for a moment, she smiled and
nodded. “Yes, we have two seats together. You’ll be much
more comfortable there with an overnight flight.”
Whipping out his black American Express card, he smiled.
“Exactly.”
Within minutes our new tickets were printed and we were
walking the long tunnel to the plane. The excitement had me
shivering and Mac picked up on it immediately. He
repositioned our bags and wrapped an arm around my
shoulder. “We’ll get you a blanket just as soon as we get
settled, okay?”
When I looked up at his face, the warmth from his eyes
nearly melted me. This man was such a terrible idea. He was
going to hurt me. I could feel it. He was the kind of man I
could trust and give myself completely to. Spending a week
together was such a horrible idea.
“I’m fine,” I managed. “Must have been an air vent.”
Glancing around behind us, he smiled. “Yeah. Must be.
Nasty vents.” He winked.
“Let’s just find our seats and settle in. I have my heart set
on another cupcake before I rest.” The thought of more
sugar and sweets had me about bouncing the rest of the way
to the plane.
Once inside, a cute, petite stewardess greeted us. Part of
me wanted to hate her, but then I realized that Mac had
merely nodded at her. It was me he was focused on.
“Window or aisle,” he asked as he stood beside our seats.
Usually, I took the aisle. I hated climbing over people. Sin
always wanted the window. Then it occurred to me that he
might want the aisle and I really wanted him to be happy.
Somehow, I had gone from a decisive independent woman to
an insecure needy girl in a matter of hours. Fuck this.
“Aisle,” I announced as I gestured for him to move in.
“Oh.” His word was short, even shorter than the two
letters normally conveyed.
I could feel people lining up behind us. The pressure was
building. He wasn’t moving. With a huff, I moved into our
row and slumped in the window seat. For a moment, I was
silent, trying to calm down before I said something I’d
regret. Only emotion took over and as soon as he was seated
beside me, I sat up, leaned closer and let loose. “Why’d you
even ask?” I grumbled.
“What?” He seemed confused as he tucked his ticket into
the outside pocket of his bag.
“If you wanted the aisle, why did you even offer it to
me?” I glared at him. “We could have avoided this altogether
if you had just motioned for me to take the window seat. You
could have even passed yourself off as a gentleman while you
did it.” Leaning back, I crossed my arms over my chest and
stared out the window. The sky was dark, the lighting purely
artificial. For a moment, I wondered if he would even answer
me. Maybe he thought I was joking. I had snapped rather
suddenly. Already remorse was setting in. This was going to
be a long week.
Mac seemed to be reaching into the Just Desserts bag. I
could see the movement from the corner of my eye, could
hear the sound of the plastic containers moving about. How
the hell could he eat at a time like this?
Suddenly, there was a tap on my shoulder. I whipped
around, my eyes flaming balls of loathing, only to discover
he was holding out a cupcake for me. “What?”
“Have a cupcake. Let me explain.” He looked at me with
no guile. Whatever he had to say, I was willing to give it a
listen.
“What flavor is that?” I asked, trying not to appear too
eager.
Pulling it closer, he peeked at the label. “Strawberry
Patch,” he said. “Nothing says I’m sorry like a cupcake.”
Softening, I gazed at him. “How did you know?”
“I guessed. I saw the way you had looked at it when the
woman packed it at the bakery. It was like you were eating it
with your eyes.” He teased.
“Gah. I hate you. I hate that I’m so easy for you. Gimme
the damn cupcake.” Then I snatched it from his outstretched
hands and started opening the container.
“Oh, you may want to wait until after take-off,” the
stewardess commented on her way up the aisle.
“It’ll be long gone before then,” I assured her. “I’m not
one to waste time savoring.” Then I winked. For a moment, I
worried Mac would think I was trying to hit on her, but when
I met his eyes he was just smiling at me, confident that we
were working through my anger. “So talk,” I ordered.
“Oh.” Taking a deep breath, he began. “It’s going to
sound stupid to you,” he warned.
“I’ll take my chances. Spit it out.” Then I bit into my
cupcake.
Slowly, he leaned back and turned his face my direction.
“Well, the aisle is like the protector seat. I need to be on the
outside.” Then he was silent as though letting me digest his
words.
Shaking my head, I mumbled, “Insane.” Then I took
another bite and sat up straight while I tried to process the
nonsense he had spewed. “Do I look like I need protecting?”
“If something happened, I should be on the outside, just
like I should be closest to the door in bed,” he muttered.
Throwing my hands up in the air, I groaned. “Well, thank
God we’re not sharing a room. I like my space. I like sleeping
however I want to, even if it’s diagonal.” My eyebrow rose in
challenge.
“Good for you.” He looked humbled. “I’m the man. I just
want to be the man,” he murmured.
“We have air marshals for this.” I reminded him. “They
stay alert and awake so we don’t have to.” Standing
suddenly, I grabbed for the blankets and pillows stored above
us. “Take this. Just because we aren’t sleeping together the
rest of the trip, it doesn’t mean we can’t snuggle together
now, right?” Why did I suggest it? Since when did I cuddle?
Shit.
“I’d like that,” he said in a voice barely louder than a
whisper.
Finally, I sat down and buckled my seatbelt. The
stewardess was about to speak. The door had been locked
and the lighted alert warned us to remain seated and
buckled. The taxiing down the runway had begun. As soon as
it was finished, I leaned my chair back. “You too,” I ordered.
“What?” he asked, clearly confused.
“Lean your seat back. You agreed to snuggle.” I rolled my
eyes. This was a new side of me.
Once he did, I settled my head on his shoulder. It was
more comfortable than the pillow against the window. And it
gave him a place to lean his head. Honestly, I was so relaxed
after a few minutes of sniffing his cologne that I found
myself very easily drifting off to sleep. There was a moment
just before I gave in to exhaustion where I could feel my
blanket starting to slip down. Though I wanted to lift it,
cover my bare arms, I was so tired that it seemed like an
impossible task. That was when I felt him. His hand brushed
my skin as he pulled the blanket over me and tucked it
around my shoulders.
“There,” he whispered in the dark quiet of the plane.
In that second I had grown accustomed to his touch,
completely unready to relinquish it. Nuzzling into his neck, I
waited to see what would happen. Mac didn’t disappoint.
Soon, his arms were around me, holding me as much as was
possible despite the armrest between us and the seatbelt
securing me. The last thing I recalled was his lips on my
forehead, the way he crushed me to him. A girl could get
used to this. I was ready to be that girl.
34
I slept. Seriously, for the first time in so very long, I slept.
While I had hoped to get maybe a catnap, work on my laptop,
read something on my Kindle, instead, I passed out until we
arrived in Atlanta for our layover. How the hell did that
happen? Really, as far as I could tell, the only reason I woke
up was because we had to have our seats in the upright
position for landing. Ever so gently, Mac woke me.
“Jolie, love, we have to sit up now,” he murmured in my
ear as he lifted first his seat and then mine.
Slowly, I opened my eyes and realized for the first time in
so very long, I felt rested. Hell, I was even smiling. “Wow,” I
mumbled. “I didn’t think I’d doze off for so long.”
“Must be your body needed it,” he commented.
Nodding, I smirked. “My body needed that and so much
more.” My face grew hot as I imagined what he was reading
into my remark.
“I swear, a week with you in Hedonism is going to be like
Heaven for me.” He smiled warmly. “Hey, I don’t suppose
that’s what the ‘H’ stands for?”
“Ugh. You’re never going to let that go, are you?” I asked,
pretending to be far more dismayed than I actually was.
Really, I was feeling more rested than I had been in forever.
Now I was ready to play.
When I looked at him, his eyes were sparkling. Maybe he
was ready to play too. “We have almost three hours in
between flights. What if we freshen up in the bathrooms and
then grab breakfast?”
“Hey, I thought the coffee cakes were breakfast.”
Laughing, he admitted, “They can be for breakfast, but if
I have a shot at something more substantial, like a chicken
biscuit or a McGriddle, I’m going to take it.”
Before I knew it, we had landed and pulled up to the gate.
Atlanta was huge, which made me nervous. We might be
walking for a long time. On the bright side, we sure did have
plenty of time. “Deal,” I agreed. “Let’s go get pretty.”
“You get pretty,” he joked. “I’m going to get manly,
without the stink.” He winked at me as he allowed me out
into the aisle in front of him. Again he was carrying all the
bags. Damn, but I could get used to this.
We walked out of the gate to the nearest restrooms. Mac
slipped my bag off his shoulder and passed it to me. “Take
your time. I’ll wait for you right here,” he said calmly.
“Right here?” I asked, gesturing to where I was standing.
“Not there or over there?” I motioned to nearby chairs.
Throwing his head back, he chuckled. “I’ll be in the
vicinity.”
“Wait!” I exclaimed as I tugged on his arm. “What if I’m
done first?”
“Then you aren’t trying hard enough.”
Laughing, I said, “Touché.”
For a moment, I just stood there and watched Mac walk
into the men’s room without looking back. Then I slapped
my forehead. I was supposed to do that. I was supposed to be
the one walking away and leaving him wanting more. Fuck. I
really sucked at this girl stuff. It was so much harder than
Sin made it look. Because of this realization, I vowed to take
my time. I would stay in there for a good twenty minutes and
walk out looking stunning or die trying.
Marching into the bathroom, filled with determination, I
wondered for a moment how in the hell I was going to kill
twenty minutes. My nails were already polished
professionally the day before, as were my toes. Guess I could
start with brushing my teeth, fixing my hair and makeup,
then freshening up in general. Taking my toiletry bag from
the carry-on, I opened it and tried to take my time to get
ready. God forbid I not look like I tried hard enough. I found
my toothbrush easily enough, along with my travel-sized
toothpaste. Glancing at the time on my cell phone, I realized
it was nearly six-thirty in the morning. Well, at least I had a
starting time. Now I just had to pace myself.
It was amazing what a good tooth brushing could do for a
person. After all those sugary cupcakes, my mouth had felt
disgusting, but now I was human once more. Next, I pulled
out my deodorant. I needed a shower. That would have been
the best way to kill the time, but instead, I had no option
other than to perform the most delicate of whore baths.
Washing my girl parts in a public sink was something done
quickly, and as privately as possible in the stall. Afterward, I
applied a liberal amount of deodorant, copious squirts of
perfume, and finally slathered fresh lotion on my arms and
legs. I pushed the button on my phone so I could see the time
once more. Crap. That had only burned seven minutes.
Moving on to my hair, I realized there was no way to
make up for the fact that I had slept on it for a good six
hours. Taking a hair tie out, I pulled it into a messy bun. Of
course, now this just drew attention to my plain face. Sin had
these gorgeous eyes that took center stage whenever her hair
was pulled back. Mine were considerably smaller and
definitely more boring. Guess I would have to play up my
lips. Though they were small, they were full, some might
even suggest pouty. So, I powdered for shine, and added
blush to my cheeks, some neutral shadow to my eyelids, a
touch of eyeliner like I had seen Sin do so often. Finally, I
picked a nice natural looking gloss. After putting everything
away, I had still only used about fifteen minutes. Maybe that
was enough. I was hungry. Slowly, I walked out the door and
headed toward the area he said he’d be waiting for me. Sure
enough, he was there, leaning against one of the big pillars.
Walking up to me, he gave me a warm hug. “I was almost
afraid to touch you. I didn’t want to ruin the face and hair.
You did this in a public restroom? Amazing,” he said
admiringly.
Obviously I should say something here. His compliment
couldn’t have been more perfect. “You cleaned up pretty nice
yourself,” I managed. Then I smiled widely because I simply
couldn’t help it.
Offering me his arm once more, he laid out the plan. “I
found that we have both a Chick-fil-A in here and a
McDonald’s. Do you have a preference?”
Cocking my head to the side, I considered. “Let’s do
chicken biscuits, and then find some place for me to get a
hot chocolate?” It had been a while since I had enjoyed one.
Sin and Ben were coffee and tea drinkers. I wasn’t going to
make Lucy pull out hot chocolate too.
“I love hot chocolate!” Mac exclaimed. “There must be a
Starbucks. We’ll find one.”
Then we were off, walking to get food, acting all chummy
like we had been friends and more forever, rather than boss
and employee for closing in on ten months. I tried not to
think about it. Instead, I chose to focus on the positive. I
might just get over my issue with men. I might be able to
have the life I longed for, one like Sin’s. Maybe I would even
be able to have a baby someday. Even if I decided against
sharing my life with some man, as long as I could share my
body with him for a bit, it would be enough to produce the
desired results.
Just before nine in the morning we were back at the next
gate where Mac once again decided to upgrade our ticket.
“Hey,” I protested, “you’re spending too much!”
After he put his credit card back in his wallet and slipped
it into his inner jacket pocket, he looked at me with one
eyebrow raised. “Seriously, Jolie,” he argued, “you bought
the trip and the plane tickets. I’ve bought dinner, cupcakes,
breakfast, and a few upgrades. We’re not even close to even.”
“I didn’t know we were keeping score,” I mumbled as we
walked down the tunnel to the plane.
Grabbing my shoulder, he whirled me around to face him.
“Any man, make that any real man, will always be acutely
aware of whether or not he’s pulling his weight. A man will
want to take care of his woman, take care of anyone he cares
about. He’ll do what he can to protect her, make her feel
loved and wanted. Most of all, he will shoulder the financial
responsibilities with a smile, grateful that he is contributing
to their lifestyle.” He frowned a moment. “For some reason,
I fear you haven’t had a lot of real men in your life. As long
as you let me be around, you’ll never have to experience that
again.” Throwing an arm over my shoulder, he pulled me
close. “Now let’s go enjoy the last leg of our journey.”
There were tears welling up in my eyes. Soon I was
struggling to hide them. He had pretty much hit that nail on
the head. Damn. Mac was way too perceptive. Out of the
corner of my eye, I could see him watching me as I blinked
back tears. “What?” I snapped. Then with a sigh, I explained,
“You made me ruin my makeup. And I put this face on just
for you.”
Leaning over, he kissed me on the very tip of my nose. “I
wouldn’t want to ruin your makeup.” He teased. “And for
the record, you are beautiful with or without a painted face.”
We made it through the rest of the tunnel without any
more issues. Soon, we were at our seats. I could tell because
Mac had stepped next to one and motioned for me to sit by
the window. “Thank you,” I said with a smile. He
remembered. It had been hours and he still held onto what I
told him before.
Leaning back in my seat, I felt satisfied in a way that I
hadn’t for so long. Gone was the restlessness that had been
eating at me in San Francisco. Sure, trips had always worked
their magic, but this time, since we weren’t even there yet, I
had to believe that some of the magic came from Mac. He
had a way with me like no one else, other than Sin. His way
was far superior. As I stared out the window, enjoying the
sun still rising in the horizon, the dawning of a new and
beautiful day, my hand was suddenly squeezed.
“What are you thinking?” he asked me while he lovingly
kissed my fingers. “What’s going on in that incredible mind
of yours right now?”
Sighing happily, I considered his question. “Really, I
wasn’t thinking at all. I was just happy being, living, and
experiencing this moment. Is that enough?” His opinion
mattered to me very much at the moment. It was a wildly
new feeling for someone who never cared what anyone
thought.
“Yeah. That’s perfect,” he admitted with a nod.
We were quiet the rest of the trip, our last few hours on
the plane punctuated by Mac’s occasional question.
“Hortense?”
Laughing, I shook my head. “Ew! Not Hortense.”
He tapped his chin for several minutes while he
considered equally horrific options. “Hermione.”
I made a face. “Do I look like I stepped out of Hogwarts?”
“Helena. Hilda. Hazel. Harriet.” He stared at me for a
reaction.
“Stop guessing. It’s a family name. I hate it, but I loved
my mother. That’s all you’re getting.” I looked down at the
magazine in the back of the seat. I could tell he wasn’t going
to let up. “Look, please leave it alone.”
He was silent a moment, then he shrugged. “That’s fine.
I’m going to give you a new ‘H’ name. I’m going to make it
something happy, a smile producing name you can be proud
of. It’ll be your new nickname.” Mac pulled at his chin. “I
have one in mind. In a few days, I’ll know if it fits.” He
smiled at me before bending low and pulling out the
cupcakes. “This is all we have left. Want one?”
I set the magazine back in the pouch on the back of the
seat. “You would share your cupcake bounty with me? Wow.
I’m honored. I’m not sure I’m hungry, but I’m definitely
honored.”
“Come on. We need to toast our trip.” He had opened the
last chocolate one and was eyeing it.
“It’s ten am. We don’t need to drink.”
He made a face before saying, “I meant with cupcakes.”
“We’re having a cupcake toast?” I asked to clear up the
confusion.
Nodding, he handed me the lemon one. “This is yours.”
“What if I wanted the chocolate?” I joked.
He set my tray down. “Like I said. This is yours…” He
chuckled at his cleverness.
I was pretty sure I did too. “So what are we toasting?”
Having decided the experience was inevitable, I was ready to
play along. Opening my container, I pulled out my lemon
drop cupcake.
Lifting his chocolate one high in the air, he spoke with
confidence and certainty. “Here’s to a wonderful week in
Hedonism. May this be the start of a beautiful relationship.
May our joy abound. May memories be made, but never
spoken of.” He looked at me pointedly which had me
covering my mouth to hide a laugh. “And may this week
change the rest of our lives.”
“Wait!” I croaked. “Relationship?”
“Friendship? Would that be better?” He watched for my
reaction.
“Huh. I’ll toast to that.” I lifted my cupcake and bumped
it against his.
“Clink!”
“You just clinked a cupcake?” I smiled. Then I took a huge
bite while I considered the toast. Mac was right on. I wanted
this week to change the rest of my life too.
When we stepped off the plane, he managed to surprise
me again. As we rounded the corner, there was a man
dressed in business casual island wear holding a sign with
our names. “I should have known you’d think of
everything,” I commented, feeling rather embarrassed that I
didn’t think of it when I made the reservations. Ah, but I
knew why I hadn’t. Sin was usually in charge of
transportation, so we usually ended up taking a taxi. I
chuckled thinking about it.
“I just want you to be able to relax and enjoy yourself. You
seemed so tense and unhappy at work.” He took a deep
breath before continuing. “I never want you to look like that
again.”
It was an impulse, a crazy wild hare. How else could I
explain it? All I knew was that seconds later, I had turned to
him and buried my face in his neck, planted a kiss, and
murmured, “Thank you,” against his skin. This man. He
didn’t seem to be bothered by it, although I did catch him
touching that spot as we walked to collect our luggage.
Soon we were in the Town Car headed to the resort. “I see
you booked us on the nude side,” Mac mentioned.
“Oh, is that a problem?” Guilt hit me. When I booked this,
I planned to make him as uncomfortable as possible. This
entire trip was designed to make him squirm. Here he was
looking out for my every comfort. I was shit.
“No, I just wanted to make sure that it was intentional.”
He shrugged.
Smiling some, I said, “Yeah. There won’t be one place
that the sun doesn’t hit us.” Then I winked.
“Heaven,” he whispered, as he kissed the top of my head.
It seemed like I was really starting to master this relaxing
thing when we pulled into Hedonism II. From first glance, it
was pretty much what I expected, a pretty façade hiding a
naughty interior. The lobby was packed with couples
arriving. There were signs about the activities for the week,
but mostly bodies blocked them. So we walked to the line and
waited for our turn.
Happy pairs of varying genders, all of which seemed so in
love, surrounded us. It made me feel really out of place. Mac
snaked an arm around my waist again and the feelings
subsided. When it was our turn, we were greeted differently
than the other couples.
“Ah, we’ve been waiting for you!” the woman at
reception exclaimed.
“You have?” Mac questioned.
Nodding, she explained, “Yes, we had some scheduling
issues last minute.”
I swallowed hard. Somehow, I knew all of this was too
good to be true. So much for a relaxing week. We were
probably about to be transferred to some other resort.
“So, given the nature of the week, we have had a ton of
reservations,” she began.
Part of me wanted to question what she meant by ‘nature
of the week, but I mostly just wanted to get to the bottom of
this. “So where are you sticking us?” I asked abruptly.
Laughing, she immediately understood. “No, you’re
staying here, but we were hoping you two would agree to
share a room instead of maintaining separate rooms. We will
completely understand if you refuse, but if you agree, we’d
like to refund you the money for the second room, and offer
you a complimentary week to be used at your discretion.”
Mac and I looked at each other. I blinked a few times. He
spoke first. “Could we use the second week right after this
one, rather than fly home and come back?”
It was a great question. I leaned on the counter while
awaiting her response. She was scanning through the
computer, checking the availability. I was just about to start
tapping my fingers nervously when she looked up.
“Actually, yes. We can even keep you in the same suite.”
She smiled brightly at us.
Mac and I exchanged looks. I wasn’t sure that was
enough. My mind was racing. “What do you think?” he asked
calmly.
“I’ll have to ask my boss if I can take an extra week off.” I
teased.
“Consider your request approved,” he joked. Turning to
the woman at the counter, he smiled and said, “Let’s do it.”
“Great! Now the paperwork. I trust you brought your birth
certificates?” She started typing on the computer while we
pulled out and passed her our passports and birth
certificates. After reaching for them, she started typing away
again. “Okay, now I’ll need signatures. Lots of them.”
We each found pens in our bags. “It’s official,” Mac said
happily.
“Not yet. There’s a week of classes first, then the
ceremony and you can expect to receive your certificates in
the mail in about four to six weeks,” she noted.
I was confused, standing there with my pen poised, ready
to sign my life away for a week of relaxation. “Classes?”
“Yup,” she began, “tantric sex.”
We looked at each other, eyes wide. It had never occurred
to me we might have to interact. I supposed we could just
skip them, but at the same time, this might just be the
answer to my worries. These classes could be what helped
me overcome my fears. Mac seemed to be awaiting my
reaction. “Let’s do it,” I said with a shrug.
“Sign here for the room,” she said, pointing. “We’ll need
a credit card for incidental expenses, like spa treatments or
watercraft rental.”
Mac pulled out his card and passed it over the counter to
her. Though I wanted to protest, I remembered what he’d
told me. Instead, I breathed deeply and tried to let him be the
man, a real man. It wasn’t a stretch. He was very manly. For
me, it was about letting go and learning to trust. He knew
this as he hugged me close.
“Okay, now sign here for the certificate,” she said.
I watched as Mac signed above his typed name and then I
signed above mine. It was simple. Tantric sex was the theme
of the week. “Hey, what’s next week’s theme?” I wondered.
“Oh, it’s just a regular week with theme nights. It will be
the perfect honeymoon,” she assured us.
We exchanged confused looks, then took our room key,
resort map, and the itinerary before heading to our suite. We
hadn’t taken five steps before she called out to us.
“The first class starts at four this afternoon! Have fun!”
We smiled at each other. Somehow I knew what he was
about to say. It had fast become our motto for the trip.
Laughing and in unison, we said, “Let’s do this!”
35
A s we headed to our suite Mac turned to me. “This place is
beautiful. I’m so glad you suggested this.”
Just then, a naked woman carrying a towel passed us on
her way to the beach. Without being too obvious, I studied
his reaction. Huh. He didn’t even look. I did, but he seemed
oblivious. Was it possible to like him even more because of
that? “Yeah, me too,” I agreed.
“What do you want to do after we drop our luggage in the
suite?” His eyes sparkled with excitement.
“Hmm, I wanted a shower, but I think I could be just as
happy with a couple of hours of pool time.” The sky was
completely cloudless and a gorgeous blue. The idea of
relaxing by a pool and soaking in some rays really appealed
to me.
“Prude or nude?” he asked, even though I was sure he
already knew the answer.
“Nude,” I said matter-of-factly. “I don’t plan on going
back with any tan lines.”
“Is that so?”
Nodding, I turned my attention to the door to our room.
We had arrived at our destination. While I had seen pictures
on the laptop, I was hoping they didn’t over promise what
we’d actually be experiencing. On the contrary, once I
opened the door, I was pleasantly surprised with the feel of
the room.
The room had a nice airy feel to it, in part because we had
the curtains open to the patio with our private Jacuzzi. The
room was mostly white with white tile floors, but there were
plenty splashes of color that made it comfortable. We had a
television that would probably never be turned on, I hoped.
There was a fridge and our own premium liquor. Mac moved
our suitcases in and set them on the king sized bed while we
looked around. The first anomaly we noticed was the mirror
on the ceiling.
“Huh,” he commented, yet the look on his face suggested
he knew precisely what that was for.
Then I glanced over and saw that the bathroom was glass
enclosed. Not only were we sharing a room, but there was
not one bit of privacy to be had in it. Fuck. Just fuck. I looked
at him to see if he noticed. Whether he had or not, he clearly
had observed my reaction.
“Listen, I’ll do everything I can to make you comfortable.
We have a king sized bed. We don’t even have to touch if you
don’t want to. And I can go outside while you shower or
something. I’ll make sure this isn’t awkward at all.
Promise.” Then he raised his hands like a boy scout.
“Do they even have boy scouts in the UK?” I asked with a
laugh. His efforts had not gone unnoticed.
“So, I was never a boy scout. I’d venture to guess you
weren’t either, but I trust your word.” He threw his hands up
in the air, clearly dismayed. “What have I ever done to earn
your mistrust?”
“You’re male,” I mumbled before walking out the patio
doors. Already I needed space. Being in that room together
was great in theory, but now it felt claustrophobic. I took
several deep breaths in my effort to hold it together. By the
time I had walked back into the room, Mac had put our
toiletry bags in the bathroom and stacked our suitcases in
the closet with mine on top. So much consideration. Why did
he have to be so awesome?
“I was just about to get undressed for the pool. Let’s get
some color on my pasty white ass,” he joked, turning around
and playfully mooning me.
The minute he pulled his pants and boxers off, I clapped a
hand over my mouth. I didn’t know a lot about guys, but this
one clearly knew little about manscaping. “Are you going out
like that?” I asked, eyes wide in surprise.
“I don’t know what you mean,” he said innocently.
There was no other way to start this conversation off than
to show him. Slowly, I disrobed while he watched, a safe
distance away. He studied me, but his penis didn’t grow at
all. Great, maybe he wasn’t attracted to me in the least.
When I pulled down my panties, he stared with an analytical
look on his face. My pussy was completely hairless.
He looked at his groin, then over to me. “So, you are
suggesting that I might want to trim it back a bit?”
“Well, I’m thinking that we’re here and going to be
involved with tantric sex workshops. I’d like to neaten up my
workspace.” I explained with a smile.
Without saying a word, Mac walked into the bathroom,
grabbed a towel, hunted through his bag and returned with a
shaving kit. He spread the towel on the bed and sat down on
it, his feet touching the floor. Then he passed me the kit. “I
trust you,” he said simply before lying back on the bed.
There I was, holding a bag and staring at his junk,
knowing I had no one to blame but myself. “You sure?” I
asked. Never had I been one to back down from a challenge,
but this was a huge one. Shave a man. Shave without cutting
him. Touch his penis and ball sack. I had never done any of
it.
Mac folded his hands behind his head. “Yeah. I’m sure.”
Sitting on the bed beside him, I opened the bag to see
what he had in there. To my surprise, he had a battery
operated trimmer. We were definitely going to start there. I
started by using a guard to cut it all back. When I turned the
power button to the ‘on’ position, we both jumped. It made
me giggle, which helped. “Last chance to change your
mind,” I warned.
“Let’s do it.”
Rolling my eyes, I started from the top and worked my
way down. I tried to keep it professional. My sexuality was
no secret. He knew I hadn’t exactly touched a lot of cocks
before. Placing my hand over his business, I held it down so I
could shave the coarse dark hair above, then I moved it from
side to side as I needed to. Periodically, I would stop to
collect large clumps of hair and pile them on the edge of the
towel. As I worked, I could sense him watching me. Overall, I
thought it was going rather well.
I had spread his thighs, partially so I could get closer, but
also because it seemed so natural that I should be there. It
just made sense. Slowly, with him just letting me be,
allowing me to explore, I did. It wasn’t just about shaving
anymore. I was demystifying the penis. How far should I go?
“Um,” I mumbled as I tried to figure out how to get the
stray hairs off his balls. The trimmer was hot to the touch
from use.
Holding out a disposable razor, he said simply, “Here.”
Then he went one step further and pulled on the sack. “It
doesn’t hurt to tug on it. Sometimes, it feels rather good
actually.” He smiled. “Just don’t knick me or I’ll bleed like
the proverbial stuck pig. M’kay?” He winked.
“Gah. No pressure.” So I did as he showed me, continued
until he was as bare as the day he was born. When I had
finished, I brushed him off. It was the first time he
responded to me. I saw his penis lengthen and harden some,
which was why I did it a little more. Honestly, I was
fascinated. More than that, I felt safe.
Mac’s eyes were closed. “You’ve never done this before,
have you?” he asked gently.
Caught and self-conscious, I stopped what I was doing
and looked at his face. He was watching me now. Part of me
wanted to tell him, but really, I wasn’t ready. It was a big
thing to share with someone. If those amazing eyes of his
ever looked at me with pity, I’d die. Inside, a piece of me
would just shatter. All I could do was shake my head. Let’s
face it, there was no foreplay the night of the rape. There was
no getting to know each other. It was every bit the wham
bam thank you ma’am experience.
“You can explore all you want and I won’t stop you,
Jolie,” he said quietly. “Of course, if you want to learn, want
to know what I like, then I can help with that too.”
“Pool,” I managed. My face was flushed, I felt like I was
burning up inside and as nice as he was, I was still fearful.
Bouncing off the bed, if he was disappointed he hid it
well. “Yup. Let’s go to the pool. We have all the time in the
world. No need to rush anything.”
Shaking, I grabbed his toiletries and brought them back to
the bathroom. He had picked up the towel and shook it off
into the garbage can. Silently, I walked to the closet to pull
out my beach towel from my suitcase. Mac followed me and
did the same. We headed to the patio door, which led to both
the pool and the beach. Just as I was about to open the door,
he stopped me with a tender hand on my shoulder. When I
turned to look, he said softly, “Best shave ever, love.” Then
he kissed me on the temple.
It was a nice kiss and I could get really used to them, but
suddenly for the first time, I wanted more. I wanted his lips
on mine. I had to know. Grabbing his neck, I pulled his face
close to mine. Ever so slowly, I turned my face upward and
angled it until our lips touched. It was something I had done
often with other females, but only the one time with a guy.
And he perverted it and turned it into something ugly. Our
lips met, matched up, aligned perfectly. There was a transfer
of warmth. His lips were soft and sweet. I gave his bottom lip
a gentle nip. Then I drew back. “Anytime, Mac,” I murmured
before we headed out the door.
“So, what do you think this workshop is going to be like?”
Mac asked as he swam in the pool.
There were several couples, lounging around, but we had
almost an unspoken agreement to just spend some time
alone. “I’m not sure. I know nothing about tantric sex. I’m
sure you’re shocked,” I joked.
Studying me for a moment, he finally broke down and
told me what he thought. “Honestly, I rather imagine you
haven’t had many sexual experiences. I don’t even think
you’ve had a lot of relationships. You strike me as someone
who has a hard time letting anyone get close.” After letting
loose, he waited and watched for my reaction.
“Since we’re being honest,” I teased, “you’re right.” I
shrugged. “I had Sin. I didn’t need much else. We were pretty
inseparable. I liked it that way.” Swimming to the steps, I
walked up to my lounger. The couples were staring at me. Sin
would have told me it was because I looked like a model. She
was always great at helping me with my confidence.
“Coming?” I asked as I paused beside the pool.
“Sure,” Mac said. He followed me out of the pool and
joined me at our seats. “It’s no wonder,” he muttered.
“What’s no wonder?” I asked confused.
“You draw so much attention, that it’s no wonder you had
few relationships. It would take a really confident person to
be with you.” He frowned. “I used to think I was confident. I
guess we’ll see.”
Ignoring him, I realized we had only thirty minutes
before our first workshop. “We should go,” I suggested.
“Time to get ready.”
Throwing an arm around my toweled body, he said,
“Can’t wait.”
I think he meant it too.
We walked back to the room to consult the itinerary.
Along with the classes and time schedule, it would also warn
us if we needed to bring anything special and tell us what to
wear. Once we consulted the paper, it warned we should
dress comfortably. Looking at Mac, I questioned, “What does
that mean to you?”
“Huh. I’m thinking loose fitting clothes.” He smiled.
Smirking, I said, “I think it means that you don’t want
me to be in anything tight or provocative. You realize I just
was completely naked at the pool?”
Nodding, he admitted, “I sure did. So did everyone there.
You are by far the most beautiful woman at this resort. I’m
just trying to protect you.”
“Protect me…keep me all to yourself,” I mumbled as I
walked into the bathroom. Turning slightly, I shot a smile
over my shoulder before I committed to getting ready. Sin’s
teachings worked. He was watching.
A few minutes before four in the afternoon, we were
walking into our first class. I was a bit nervous, but tried
desperately not to show it. The room was packed with about
fifteen other couples. It was a lot of bodies in one space. We
were all directed to pick up mats as we walked in the big
open-air room.
The instructor, Marni, started class by explaining the
concept of tantric sex and giving us an overview of the week.
“I know you are all eager to get to the ceremony on Sunday,”
she noted. As I watched, most of the couples around the
room hugged each other tightly, squeezed hands.
Leaning closer to Mac’s ear, I whispered, “Damn, these
people are serious about their certificates.”
Chuckling, he agreed, “I know, right?”
“Tantric sex is about connecting with one another on a
deeper level. What does this mean to you? It’s about years of
a fulfilling relationship, both sexually and emotionally.”
Marni smiled warmly. “Couples who practice tantric sex are
more likely to be satisfied and stay together.”
Mac and I exchanged looks. Stay together? We weren’t
even close to being there yet. Still, we smiled. It was rather
contagious.
“I’m going to warn you,” Marni continued. “If you
thought you were coming here and have a ton of sex, I’m
going to discourage that for this week, but after Sunday it
will be game on.”
Breathing a sigh of relief, I couldn’t help but think I liked
this woman more and more. I wasn’t ready to share my body
yet. The idea of having his penis in me was still daunting.
But maybe, just maybe after a week of this, I could imagine
and be ready for more. I’d have to be if I ever wanted a baby.
And maybe with a connection, I could even ask Mac if he’d
be willing to father that baby.
“Let’s begin with breathing and meditation exercises,”
Marni said.
Soon she had us sitting side by side on the mat, legs
crossed, hands on our knees palm side up, eye closed. There
was music playing softly and some incense was burning. I
hated incense. And yet in this scenario, it worked. So we sat
quietly and let our minds drift, practiced relaxing. I didn’t
think I could do it. While I was inclined to spend hours
working quietly in front of a computer screen, I was
practically incapable of shutting my mind down and just
breathing and being.
“Let’s do some positive visualization now that you are
relaxed,” she said quietly. “Think about what you would like
for your relationship in the future. Make it as perfect and
idealized as possible.”
If our eyes had been open, I would have stiffened
uncomfortably, but it was easier since I knew he couldn’t
see. In my mind, I could see us living in a beautiful house.
We weren’t working together anymore, which was
interesting since we wouldn’t have met if it weren’t for the
job. I had my own company and worked from home. He came
home in the evening, in time to put our baby to bed. After,
we would snuggle companionably on the couch while
talking, reading, or watching a movie. And every night, I
would sleep restfully in his arms. Whoa. Where did all of that
come from? The Jolie in my mind was completely different
from the one I knew.
“And gradually open your eyes.”
When I did, I blinked a few times. Mac reached over and
took my hand. He was staring at our intertwined fingers
while Marni spoke. “Tomorrow morning we’ll meet at nine
am for yoga and meditation. Then we’ll have our workshop
again in the afternoon. In the meantime, you have
homework.”
My hand was squeezed a little tighter. “Everything we are
doing now will prepare you for your union on Sunday after
the ceremony. We’re building a connection, getting our
bodies in shape, our minds focused. Before your bodies
become one, this is essential. So, that being said, you are
going to use this meditative position and alter it slightly.”
We gazed at each other, and I wondered where this was
going. All I knew for sure was that this was building my
confidence and comfort. Since this was only Monday, Sunday
night was a comfortable distance away.
“Practice several times tonight. Sit facing one another,
eyes open, maintaining eye contact and regulate your
breathing to match. It’s all about becoming attuned to one
another. You must remain connected in breathing for ten
minutes in order to successfully complete this exercise. And
yes, clothing is optional,” Marni finished with a smile.
Slowly the couples stood and returned their mats to the
stack by the door. “So we’re building up for the big union on
Sunday night,” Mac commented. “You okay with this?” He
looked almost nervous at the prospect of having sex with me.
Shrugging, I responded, “Sure, no big deal.” Yes, I
planned to fake it until I made it.
By now we were right outside our room. Mac opened the
door and gestured for me to enter. Once I did, he shut the
door abruptly behind us. Taking a deep breath, he finally
blurted out, “Are you a virgin? Have you ever had sex with a
guy?” Then he slumped on the bed.
Wow. He was scared he was going to have to take my
virginity. “I’ve been saving myself for the man I love, the
man I plan to spend the rest of my life with,” I cooed, as I
climbed onto the bed with him. Then once I had positioned
myself between his knees I batted my eyelids at him.
He looked like he wanted to run and hide. “Jolie, be
serious. I’ve never been with a virgin.” His brow furrowed. A
bead of sweat was starting above his lip. I was pretty sure I
saw his hand shake slightly when he wiped at it.
Sitting back on my heels, I asked, “So you prefer
whores?” Shaking my head, I added, “I’m not a virgin, but
I’m no whore either.” Then I stood, unsure of what to make
of all this. “I’m gonna pee.”
Normally this would be where I’d go into the bathroom
and take a moment, but since the room was essentially a
glass cage, he’d know unless I really did go into the toilet.
So, I sat on the potty, the one place he couldn’t see. After I
peed and wiped, straightened myself and washed my hands,
I walked out. He wasn’t even in the room. Walking down the
hall between the closet and the bathroom, I stood at the
patio door and found him sitting in one of the chairs by the
hot tub.
“Whatcha doing?” I asked as soon as I walked out.
“Seemed like you needed a minute.” He frowned. “Okay, I
needed a minute too.” Mac clapped his hands together.
“Let’s go sit on the bed and complete our homework before
dinner. We can go for a walk on the beach and eat wherever
you want.” His face had brightened.
“I want to show the buffet who’s boss.” I hugged myself
happily. “And because I’m so bossy, that will probably
mostly be my eatery of choice.” I hopped over to the door.
“Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m sure we’ll try all of the other
places, but I love buffets!”
Walking up behind me, Mac opened the door. “Allow me,”
he murmured.
Glancing behind me, I laughed. “Real men open doors?”
“Every time. Now get on the bed.” He tried to look fierce,
but I laughed at him.
“So you have a little bit of bossy in you as well? Not sure
how that’s going to work,” I joked as I climbed onto the bed.
“I’m not sure how aligning our breathing while we stare
into each other’s eyes is going to work,” he admitted. “We
may have to try this several times.”
“Oh, please. We can totally knock this out. You just have
to be serious and focused. Unless this is more about you
wanting to stare deeply into my eyes?” I raised an eyebrow
in challenge.
“Let’s see if we can do this in one try then,” he agreed.
Hopping onto the bed with me, we both assumed the
position. It was going to be difficult to remain serious. When
I looked at him, something changed inside me. Staring into
his eyes made me all squirmy inside. I rubbed at my belly.
“Hands palms up on the knees,” he reminded me.
“I know,” I whined.
His eyes were so much bluer than I realized, or it might
have been the lighting. I wanted to swim in them. They
looked like an amazing Caribbean pool. Even more, the
longer our eyes honed in on each other’s, I wanted to lean
forward to kiss him, to finally taste him, feel his tongue
dance with mine. As the day had worn on, a light scruff had
appeared. What would it feel like if I ran my hands over it,
just the tips of my fingers, until I could trace those sexy lips
of his. My heart felt like it was pounding in my chest. It was
more than I could take. Had it been ten minutes yet? Had our
breathing even matched up? Was Mac suffering like I was?
This wasn’t relaxing in the least.
Suddenly, I realized Mac was leaning toward me. I met
him halfway, my lips slightly parted, my hand poised to
connect. He angled his face, tilted it to connect with my lips.
When they finally touched, I could have sworn I saw an
explosion in his eyes. They lit up, like a flame burned behind
the iris. Catching the back of his neck, I laced my fingers in
his hair. My lips tingled and sure enough, his tongue darted
out to meet mine. The dance was brief, fast paced more like a
Rhumba than a Waltz. He pulled back slightly and
repositioned until just our foreheads were touching.
“Time,” he murmured. “We did it.”
Leaning back, I gasped and touched my lips. Time. We had
made it the full ten minutes.
“Aren’t you pleased?” he asked, confused. “First try.”
First try? First intensely serious kiss. Only all he could
think about was completing the homework. What a douche.
Slipping off the bed, I stood and said brightly, “Good. Let’s
eat.”
36
D inner was just a meal. We gorged ourselves at the buffet.
In fact, I ate so much that I introduced Mac to my food baby.
“This is Hidalgo,” I told him as I rubbed my tummy.
“Wanna walk it off?” he asked me calmly. “If not, I’d be
thrilled with simply relaxing in the hot tub and going to bed
early. We have yoga at nine in the morning.”
“Clearly you are a planner,” I commented. “I can work
with that.”
So we went back to the room and stripped down before
climbing into the hot tub. It was a beautiful night. I was sure
someone more romantic than me would have gone on about
the starry sky and the sliver of a moon. Instead, I was more
interested in the relaxation factor. Tonight I’d be sharing a
bed with a man for the first time ever. Some women dreamed
about this, I was sure. I just wanted to survive it without
humiliating myself. Apparently the plane was good practice.
Somehow I just knew that if I could survive this first night,
the rest would be gravy, the week would fly by, and the
second week when we could relax and do our own thing
would be the one we would savor.
“Climbing in with me?” he asked when he noticed me
lingering around the edge of the Jacuzzi.
“Yeah, in a minute. I don’t want to cramp.” It was my
best effort at deflecting.
“Huh,” he said slyly. “Well, the way you walk around
naked, we know you aren’t shy. Must be you are afraid of
being alone with me because I’m so hot. I get that a lot.”
Rolling my eyes, I walked over and slipped into the tub.
The water was absolutely divine. “Heaven,” I mumbled.
“Hey, that’s my new nickname for you,” he reminded me.
“It just…fits.”
Suddenly, I sat up and said, “I’m going to go do a shot,
you know, take the edge off.”
“Wait,” he urged with a hand on my shoulder. “What is
it?” He studied me for a moment and finally asked, “Are you
afraid of sharing a bed with me?”
At last someone had addressed the pink elephant on the
patio. My chest was heaving despite my best efforts to
remain calm. “Yes.” My voice was barely a whisper. Shame
had me looking at my lap.
Without saying another word, Mac stepped out of the tub
and walked to where I sat. Scooping me up out of the tub, he
carried me through the door into the room. The air
conditioning made my skin burst out in goose bumps.
Instantly, I was shivering almost uncontrollably, partially
from the sudden temperature change, but mostly from fear.
Holding me close with one hand, he drew back the bedspread
before laying me in the bed.
Without saying a word, he turned off all the lights except
the mood lighting. The mirror amplified the effect and
dressed the room in soft relaxing colors. Then he returned to
the bed and climbed in on his side.
“The best way to overcome a fear is to face it.” He
reminded me. “Once you see how natural this feels and how
harmless I am, you’ll wonder why you haven’t been sharing
a bed with me since we started working together.” His smile
was almost as reassuring as his words.
Then, before I could protest or agree, he hauled me into
his arms and pressed my face against his chest. I looked up
at him in wonder. “No sex,” he commented, “but I can’t
imagine there would be a problem with this.” Then he leaned
slightly to give me a peck on the forehead. “Now close your
eyes and go to sleep.”
Part of me felt like a reprimanded child, but the rest of me
was reveling in the warmth his body provided. Soon I had
stopped shivering, my teeth were no longer chattering and I
could feel myself beginning to drift. If his presence helped
me to sleep two nights in a row, I might start thinking that I
should be sharing a bed with him every night. “Night,” I
mumbled just before I fell asleep.
The morning came soon enough. Again, I was shocked to
see sunlight. Even more, I was beyond pleased to feel so
rested. I swear, I was ready to conquer the world. This man
was incredible.
“Whatcha thinking?” he asked when he realized I was
sitting up awake and no longer wrapped in his arms.
“Two nights in a row you’ve helped me to sleep. I need to
study this further. I’m not sure if it’s you or if I just need to
share my bed with someone. Maybe I should study that over
the rest of the week,” I considered as I tapped my chin.
“Let me save you the trouble,” he murmured as he sat up
and kissed the back of my bare shoulder. “It’s me. I told you
last night that we should have been sharing a bed all along.
There will be no testing, no trying, no discovering, no other
men or women for you.” With that proclamation, he kissed
my cheek and threw back the covers before heading to the
bathroom.
Smiling, I touched my cheek. We’d have to see how night
three went.
Hours later, we had eaten breakfast, completed our yoga
class, enjoyed lunch, and headed to our next tantric sex
class. In addition to the mat, this afternoon we were each
given a big gift basket of products.
“These are yours,” Marni announced. “Over the
remainder of the week, you will be trying them out, learning
the art of touch, and preparing your chakras. After the
ceremony on Sunday, you will have the most amazing sexual
experience of your lives.”
Mac and I exchanged looks. Honestly, one way or another
it was going to be amazing. This was my chance to wipe
away the past.
“So let’s explore the gift baskets,” she suggested.
Opening up a sample one on the table, she pulled out each
item and discussed it. There was a feather, a vibrator, a
blindfold, some massage oil, a set of sex dice, a pocket guide
of the Kama Sutra, and some lengths of soft fabric. “Now,
this is just the start of your pleasure chest and over the
course of the week you’ll be getting acclimated with some of
these items, the rest you can figure out on your own.” She
smiled.
Once again, we left the class with a homework
assignment. This time we were to once again sit on the bed
cross-legged and match our breathing, but now we were also
expected to touch one another, everywhere but our genitalia.
I realized that I had been holding my breath some as she
spoke. Mac squeezed my hand and smiled. I knew it was
going to be okay.
When we returned to the room, I could hear this strange
buzzing. “Is the vibrator on?” I asked Mac.
He peered into the gift basket he was carrying. “Nope. Not
on.”
“Where is that noise coming from?” I wondered aloud.
“Purse?” Mac suggested, pointing to the dresser. I could
already see the light coming from inside it.
My first thought was who the hell would be calling me?
Then I realized that I never called Sin. Fuck. “Hey,” I
mumbled sheepishly when I answered the phone.
“Hey yourself. You never called me. For all I knew, you
were dead in a plane crash,” she growled at me.
“Well, with a friend like you, I would have been.
Seriously, it took you two days to check on me. I might not
come back. What do I have to come back to?” I retorted.
Sin burst out laughing. “Thanks for that, drama.”
Giggling, I responded, “You’re welcome.”
Glancing at Mac, I realized he had been worried, hovering
near me while we spoke. “I’ll just go outside while you talk,”
he offered.
Shaking my head, I explained. “Sin and I will talk for two
more minutes. Why don’t you get undressed and we can go
swimming before dinner?”
“Wow. Get undressed?” Sin questioned. “You don’t play.
So, how’s the sex?”
“We haven’t had any. I’ll let you know.”
Mac’s ears perked up. “You’ll let her know? Do chicks
really do that?”
Nodding, lips pursed, I replied, “Absolutely.”
True to my word, I was soon off the phone so we could
relax. “Now I know we still have to do our homework, but do
you want to join in the nightlife?” I asked.
Looking at me lazily, Mac shook his head. “Nope.”
“Could be fun. New theme party every night.” I reminded
him.
Walking over to me, he wrapped his arms around me and
pulled me close. “Listen, this week is such a gift. We get to
really know each other. I’d like it to just be the two of us as
much as possible.” Lifting my face with a finger under my
chin, he added, “You good with that?”
“I guess,” I agreed slowly.
Frowning, he asked, “What’s the hesitation?”
Staring into his eyes, I asked, “How will I know if you
really like me if I don’t get you jealous by dancing with other
men?”
His hands dropped to his sides. “Are you serious?”
“Uh huh. That’s what Sin did. That’s how she knew.” I
shrugged.
Laughing, Mac suggested, “Well, you could simply ask
me.”
Making a face, I retorted, “Who does that?”
His hands were on my hips, pulling me closer. My sarong
was all that separated our skin. Soon he had me pressed so
close, I could feel him growing, hardening. Something was
happening inside me, like a furnace being lit. “I guess I’ll
just have to show you,” he murmured as he closed the
distance between our faces. His lips brushed mine. His hand
cupped my ass. I wanted to wrap my legs around his waist,
but since I wasn’t wearing panties, it wouldn’t take much of
a slip for me to be impaled on his erection. For the first time,
I wasn’t scared. It seemed natural. I trusted him.
“Don’t,” he whispered as I started to lift a leg. “I’m not
strong enough to refuse you at the moment. Sunday, sweet
heaven, that’s our day. After the ceremony. You and me.
Major date with the bed…and the wall…the hot tub…the
shower…you get the idea?”
Biting my lip, I nodded. Mac was a good man, a real man.
He’d never hurt me or disappoint me. He was the kind of
man I should have looked for all along.
Bit by bit and day by day, we made it through the week.
Wednesday’s assignment was a massage. We pulled out the
oil and took turns lavishing attention on each other’s body.
He rubbed me first and by the time he was done, I was
practically boneless.
“Put a little muscle into it, hotness.” He teased while I
perched my naked butt on his.
“Keep it up,” I warned.
Rolling over quickly, he caught my waist in his hands so
that I was seated on his erection when he landed on his back.
“Clearly keeping it up isn’t a problem,” he murmured with a
heated gaze.
I thought I was going to go up in flames. Never before did
I understand what that meant. It was time for him to suffer
like me. So I slowly lowered my body until it was on top of
his. “More muscle?” I asked. My mouth was millimeters
from his ear. “They say the tongue is the strongest muscle in
the human body.” Then I licked his ear and sucked on his
lobe a minute. “Is this what you had in mind?”
“Not exactly, but this works,” he uttered with much
difficulty.
When I leaned back to look at his face, it was tight, the
struggle for control evident. His eyes were closed and when I
glanced at his hands, they were fisted at his sides. I felt so
powerful. This must be what Sin felt like all the time. Oh, and
I really enjoyed it.
Thursday was all about having us awaken our chakras. I
never knew I had a chakra, let alone nine of them.
Interesting. Marni started us off in class and explained how
to find the other seven, the line down our bodies and into our
special spots. Apparently it isn’t uncommon to essentially be
masturbating during the awakening process.
There we were, lying side by side on the bed, touching
ourselves. As we were doing it, I realized that Mac was
speaking in a low voice while he rubbed. Listening closely, I
heard, “Three more days. Three more days. Only three more
days.” I couldn’t help but smile. It was nice to know that he
found me desirable. Wasn’t that what every woman wanted?
Lately, I wanted him back. Reaching over, I squeezed his
thigh with my free hand.
“What was that for?” he asked, after he jumped.
Grinning widely, I struggled some to explain myself.
“What’s so special about three more days?”
“Oh, you know…we finish with these classes, we have a
lovely ceremony marking this accomplishment, and I get to
finally make love to you.” His eyes scorched me. Then he
rolled onto his side and propped his head on his bent arm.
“For the first time in my life, I get to taste heaven.” Leaning
over my body, his head dipped lower and his mouth opened.
I watched his progress and realized that he was about to
connect with my nipple. The wait was positively
excruciating. Sure enough, his tongue lapped at the hardened
peak before his lips captured it and suckled for the briefest of
moments. I closed my eyes and savored the experience.
It was a bit of an epiphany for me. The act was different,
not because he was a man, but because I was finally
experiencing it with someone I had feelings for. It was
wonderful and scary all at once. “Making love?” I
questioned. “Not fucking? Not having sex?”
Shaking his head, he announced with certainty, “I meant
what I said.” Then moving off the bed, he stood and walked
around to my side. “Care to join me for a before dinner swim.
The sun should be setting soon. It’ll be perfect.” He held out
his hand to help me get up and we hauled our naked asses to
the pool where we cooled down in the water.
It was the Friday assignment which had us truly shaking
our heads. “So let me get this straight,” Mac groaned as we
walked back to our room. “We are supposed to sit on the bed
back to back?”
Nodding, I admitted, “That’s what I understand. Then we
are to—”
“Masturbate.” He practically spat the words.
“Not just masturbate.” I reminded him. “We are
supposed to rock back and forth together, maintain the same
pace, and hold it for as long as possible.”
“Ever do it?” Mac asked. “Your way right away?”
Pursing my lips, I casually admitted it. “Yup. Now and
then. If I can’t sleep. If I have no one I’m seeing for a long
period of time. If I read something or watch something that
makes me horny, that kind of thing.”
Stifling a laugh, Mac said, “So you do this a lot then.”
Throwing my hands up in the air, I asked, “What do you
want from me, Mac? You want lies. No. I never masturbate.
I’m completely ashamed of and utterly unfamiliar with my
body. Would that make you happier?”
Stopping me in my tracks, he silenced me with a kiss. It
was far too short for my liking. Already he was speaking
again. “Hey, I love your honesty. It’s one of your finest
qualities. It’s wonderful that you are so uninhibited. More
than anything, I wish I was more like you, but the longer I’m
around you, the more you rub off on me.”
Opening my eyes, I looked at him and murmured, “Let’s
get back to that kissing part.”
Closing the distance between us, he acknowledged,
“There’s that honesty thing again.”
“Mac, you want more honesty?” I asked quietly just
before our lips connected.
His hand cupped my face and he stared into my eyes. “Of
course. What is it?” His brow furrowed in concern.
“I know I just admitted to masturbating, but I can’t do it
with you…yet. Yesterday, rubbing ourselves to awaken our
chakras was as close as I want to get to that right now. Can
we just skip that assignment? We haven’t ever had sex.
Maybe this is supposed to be building up to it, but I just can’t
do it.” My head dropped in shame. I probably wasn’t
explaining it well. For me, that wasn’t the natural
progression. That was something couples did when they
were super comfortable with one another. We weren’t there
yet. We were making mad strides, but still there was a way to
go.
“I’m perfectly fine with that. Let’s relax the rest of the
day. Let’s walk the beach at sunset holding hands. Let’s
snuggle in the hot tub after dinner. What do you say?” He
was smiling happily, looking almost relieved.
Tipping my head to the side, I guessed, “You didn’t want
to do it either, did you?”
“Nope. Thank you for speaking your mind.”
“You’re welcome. Thank you for listening.” Then we held
hands as we walked the rest of the way to our room.
Our reaction to the Saturday assignment was completely
different. This night we were allowed to do everything but
penetration. Honestly, I was all over the idea. Marni
explained it by telling us that The Crow, best known as 69,
was the perfect position for us to practice tonight. “You need
to work on body awareness, learning what pleasures your
partner and yourself. Only then will you truly be able to
master your orgasms.”
As soon as we left the class, he leaned over and
whispered, “Can we please do tonight’s assignment?”
Nodding enthusiastically, I murmured, “Oh, I insist.”
It should have been more awkward, only I suppose after
nearly a week of seeing each naked more than clothed, the
biggest hurdle had already been accomplished. Somehow,
without speaking about it, we knew we would be tackling
that assignment after dinner. So we hung out by the pool
before dinner. We gorged ourselves on the buffet at dinner. I
was not sure why he did, but I figured I’d need the fuel. Then
we decided to unwind in the hot tub. We brought our towels
out, climbed in, and soon ended up in each other’s arms.
“So, anything but penile penetration tonight,” he
murmured in my ear while kissing his way down my neck.
“That’s a whole lot of leeway.” He rubbed my shoulders,
working any remaining tension out. There was little left now
that I had been getting a good solid eight hours of sleep a
night. This time together was magical.
Leaning forward, I allowed him access to my lower back.
My buttocks brushed up against his penis. The hot water was
helping him to keep it in check. Once he had finished
running his hands down my back, he moved them up my
sides and finally cupped my breasts.
“Not much to hold onto,” I muttered. Most of the time I
liked my small boobs. There were lots of situations where I
found them to be far superior to big ones. This time,
however, I felt self-conscious. Men loved big titties.
“Are you kidding me?” He turned me to face him. “These
are perfect,” he proclaimed. Soon he had me in his lap and
was lavishing attention on the dark peach nubs. He kissed
and licked and sucked his way around each one, massaging
whichever wasn’t receiving oral attention at the moment.
Inside, I could feel that furnace roaring to life. Each lick
raised the temperature. Soon I was burning up.
“Inside,” I whimpered as I ran my fingers through his
hair and held his face to my breast.
“Of course,” he whispered against my skin.
His fingers started to play between my legs. I had no idea
what this had to do with going to our bed. Then one delved
deep in me. I could feel him moving around. Then he added
the second finger. It was slightly tighter, but not
uncomfortably so. The palm of his hand was grinding
against me just right.
While I wanted the bed, this could do for now. Oh, but we
were supposed to be prolonging orgasms and I had gone far
too long without one. How my body wanted to give in. I could
feel the flames being stoked with his every movement. Still,
we were also supposed to be getting to know our bodies.
Crap. I knew I wasn’t going to last much longer at this rate.
“Room,” I moaned, giving it one more try.
“To bed. Fine idea,” Mac agreed jovially. Clearly he was
enjoying getting me all worked up. Slowly he removed his
fingers from within me. I have to admit, I missed them the
moment they were withdrawn.
“Fast,” I uttered.
“You know, you used to be quite the conversationalist.”
He teased. “And look at you, powerless against my
attentions. I’m going to make you moan tonight, Jolie. Mark
my words.”
Shaking my head, I vowed, “Never.” Only I wasn’t so
sure. He had done amazing things with his tongue on my
breasts. I’d just have to fight fire with fire. Since the rape, I’d
only played with two guys my entire life, Ben being one of
them. I’d maybe had sex with five chicks, including Sin. I had
been alone far more than I had ever been with a partner.
Seriously, Mac was shaping up to be my longest relationship.
We climbed out of the hot tub and grabbed our towels,
drying off as we walked. As soon as we made it through the
door, I was climbing onto the bed on my hands and knees
when Mac grabbed my hips and stopped me. “You have no
idea how incredibly beautiful you look like this.” He rubbed a
hand over my buttocks, and coached my legs further apart.
“Don’t mind me. I’m just gonna bury my face,” he warned.
Bracing myself, I wondered how I was going to hold on
much longer. The walk from the Jacuzzi had done nothing to
quell the heat inside me. Still, I remained on all fours as he
started licking his way around my pussy. Even though I had
just dried off, I could already feel the wetness spreading. He
had added a finger to enhance the experience. The licking
and sucking along with the stroking was completely
overwhelming.
My head dropped. My forehead was on the bed and my
butt was still high above me. “Not gonna moan,” I grunted.
Just breathing was a struggle. I was panting, short breaths,
as I tried to master the orgasm. Then I decided the most I
could hope for was a stall, a distraction. So, I whipped
around and pulled him onto the bed with me. “You too.” I
reminded him. “Your turn.”
Soon Mac was on his back and I kissed my way down the
length of him, grazing him with my nipples the entire time. I
needed to torture him like he had done to me for so long.
Finally, his erection was pressed in between my boobs. There
wasn’t enough of me for a titty fuck, but that didn’t mean
that rubbing against him wasn’t a turn on. Given the way his
head was thrown back, I’d have to venture that it really was.
Oh, but I wasn’t done yet. I ran my tongue up and down
the length of his hard cock just before I slid it into my
mouth. I took him in all the way. This girl has no gag reflex.
Pity there had been no man to find out before now. Only
really, I was glad that I had waited on this for Mac. He was
special. One day, if all went well, I might ask him to father a
child. Thinking about it nearly made me choke.
“Jolie, I love this, but you don’t have to go so deep if it’s a
problem,” he murmured. Then his eyes rolled back in his
head and his back arched.
Letting his cock slide out of my mouth, I responded.
“Right.” I laughed and continued. The droplets of pre-cum
were getting more frequent, the beads significantly larger.
He wasn’t going to hold out much longer. In my mind, I had
already won.
“Wait.” His voice was desperate. He sat up, reached down,
grabbed my waist and hauled me around until we were in
Crow position.
My first thought was still why Crow? My second thought
was that I hadn’t won yet. Wretched man.
Soon we were both torturing each other. Fuck. Pleasuring.
Why did I have to think like that? Mac was being so generous
with his mouth, so loving and affectionate with his fingers.
His intention was clear.
“Are you close?” he asked, a desperate edge to his voice.
“Uh huh,” I moaned.
“Don’t hold it. Let’s see if we can actually orgasm
together. Ready?” It was a rhetorical question. In my past
experience, talking about it meant it was impossible to
achieve. Usually, it was like the ultimate buzz kill for me.
This time was completely different. The way he persisted
with his kissing and sucking inspired me to approach this
blow job with even more fervor. All of a sudden, I swear it
was as though he had found that elusive G-spot. Something
in me fractured, completely exploded…and it wasn’t just his
cock halfway down my throat.
Yeah, I swallowed like a trooper, lapped it up like it was
honey. My body was still shuddering, my insides contracting.
It was the most powerful orgasm anyone had ever given me.
I had more luck with self-serve.
It was as though Mac knew I couldn’t move. He shifted
me in bed once more, pulling the bedspread down, then
arranging me and covering me once more. I buried my head
in his neck, unable to face him at the moment.
“I didn’t moan,” I noted quietly.
“No, you didn’t,” he admitted. “Guess I’ll have to try
harder next time.”
“Next time. I haven’t recovered from this time. What was
that?” I asked finally. “What did you do?”
Laughing quietly, he teased, “I could ask you the same
thing. All I know, on my end, is that I just made love to you
with my mouth.” I clutched his neck more tightly and
inhaled his scent. It had served to comfort and sooth me all
these nights. “Rest, sweet Heaven. I’m going to hold you all
night.”
37
T he
ceremony was scheduled for ten in the morning.
Check-out, normally at eleven, had been extended until noon
for those of us in the class. Of course, Mac and I weren’t
leaving at all, so it didn’t matter to us.
By the time we returned to the room after breakfast to get
ready, we found clothes laid out on the bed for us. “Wow,
they really do think of everything, don’t they?” Mac
commented.
“And now we know why they took our measurements and
needed our sizes,” I remarked.
A white quadrille style dress was delivered for me. I
recognized it from the ones the women were wearing around
the airport when we arrived. Theirs were in the traditional
red, though. Our attire seemed to be mostly white. Mac had a
linen jacket and white shirt with black dress pants. The note
left with the clothing suggested we forgo shoes or opt for
flip-flops.
Half an hour later, we were heading to the outdoor venue
they had instructed. It was near the ocean. The view was
spectacular. Given the early time, the temperature was ideal.
As the rest of the couples arrived holding hands, Mac and I
smiled at each other. We had made it through the week.
Tonight we could practice some of our newly learned
techniques, or this afternoon, maybe both. The thought
brought a smile to my face. As I studied everyone else, they
also seemed excited, some ridiculously excited.
“What do you think it is?” Mac murmured as he leaned
closer. “The sex? They love ceremonies? I don’t get it.”
Here we were, bonding over heckling the other couples. “I
know. That guy looks ready to burst. Waiting all week must
have about killed him,” I joked.
Suddenly Mac jerked his head. “Check out the lady on
your far left. She’s crying. She must not have had many
accomplishments in her life.”
The gentleman on the make shift stage in front of us had
been speaking for several minutes. Quite honestly, we were
both having so much fun that we hadn’t been paying
attention. All we had done was mimic the poses of those
around us. At the moment we were staring into each other’s
eyes while holding hands. I think I vaguely heard something
about a kiss. Sure enough, everyone around us was in a lip
lock. Mac and I shrugged and kissed too. The new closeness
between us was so wonderful. It felt amazing being together.
By the time we finished kissing, we realized the couples
were all lining up to sign the paperwork for the certificate.
We held hands like everyone else was and walked proudly to
the front when our names were called. The man running the
ceremony congratulated us and spoke a blessing. The joy of
the occasion was positively contagious. As we exited the
stage, a photographer who snapped some pictures met us.
“The pictures will be in with the certificate.” The man with
the camera explained.
“Looking forward to it,” Mac said happily. “I may hang
mine in the office. We’re not used to seeing Jolie smile.”
“Well, I’ve not had much reason to smile,” I observed.
Then, something came over me. “Thank you for changing
that. Somehow, I think I’ll be smiling more after we get
back.”
Wrapping his arms around me, he kissed down my neck.
“There’s a nice long week alone together before that
happens.” He reminded me. “And I intend to savor every
moment. This week, we’ll party and celebrate, we’ll love
each other hard.”
I squeezed him around the middle. It wasn’t spoken, but I
couldn’t help but wonder if he thought that when the week
ended, we would too. Still, I couldn’t turn all girl. I couldn’t
ask him what his intentions were. Although Sin went
through this with Ben and look how they turned out. Maybe
on the flight home we’d have that discussion. Right now, I
was determined to enjoy our time together, starting most
especially with tonight. For some reason, because of this
amazing week together, I wasn’t afraid. He’d never hurt me.
We walked back to the room and changed out of our
clothes. We had been instructed to leave them in the room.
They would be collected and cleaned. “Lunch and then some
pool time?” Mac asked. “Or would you like to try something
new?”
Instantly, I was intrigued. “Like what?”
“Well,” he began, “we could go snorkeling or kayaking.”
Pausing, he added, “I know how to sail, so we could rent the
Hobie cat, the Sunfish, or any other sailing vessel they might
have.”
Making a disgusted face, I explained, “Sin and I tried
sailing once. It was too much like work, not enough like
relaxing.”
“Oh.” He seemed disappointed.
Walking over to him on the other side of the bedroom, I
wrapped my arms around his neck. “But I’d love to go
kayaking.” Then I gave him my best smile.
“So, it’s settled. Kayaking after lunch.”
We ate an unusually long lunch. It was strange. For the
first time the entire trip, Mac was glued to his phone. Every
time I looked at him, he was checking it.
“Someplace you need to be?” I asked, trying to sound
more like I was teasing than prying. Still, I wanted answers.
“Oh, I forgot all about a call I need to make. I’ll be right
back. Why don’t you wait for me here?” He suggested
nervously.
Glancing around, I tried to figure out where I could wait
that would be comfortable. Finally, I pointed to the main
pool and its bar. If he was going to be evasive, I was going to
need a drink. “I’ll be over there. You’ll find me behind a
really large margarita.” Then without another word, I
walked away. It felt strange leaving his side without a hug or
kiss, but I was perplexed to say the least. Maybe if I were
patient, all my unanswered questions would be answered.
So, I hit the bar, grabbed the enormous and incredibly
strong ‘rita, then headed to the side of the pool so I could at
least dip my feet in to stay cool. The waiting had begun. Most
people tended to be all about instant gratification, and I was
no different, although I was used to getting what I wanted
when I wanted it. I’d worked hard to have such a life.
Suddenly, I invited a man in my life and my entire life was
disrupted. I waited as long as I could. By the time I headed
back to the room, I had finished my drink. Kicking my feet in
the pool only reminded me how much I needed to pee. It was
a case of internal conflict at its finest. Would I return to the
room and risk upsetting our delicate balance, or would I
remain here and suffer? I was not the suffering type.
Standing, I walked my happy ass back to the room. When I
burst through the door and headed straight to the bathroom,
I caught the tail end of his conversation. What I saw was Mac
happy and laughing, lying on his side on the bed. Then I
heard him telling someone that he loved him or her. It felt
like a knife through the heart. Fighting the need to take a
gulping deep breath, I didn’t stop until I had closed the door
to the toilet. Lifting my sarong, I pulled down my panties
and fought the urge to cry while I peed. I didn’t suffer from
Sin’s affliction, this inability to admit weakness. Instead, I
just knew it would take far too long for my face to recover. I
didn’t want to ruin the rest of the day, and we had another
week to get through. If I had just stayed put, I wouldn’t have
heard anything. It was my own fault. We hadn’t made any
promises to each other. We took a tantric sex class. We
celebrated with a ceremony. We had seven more days
together.
My options were to stay sad and sulk, or to make him
forget whomever it was he thought he loved and make sure
that by the time we left, he only loved me. For some reason,
that was suddenly very important to me. Naturally, I chose
the latter. Sulking was a terrible look for me. It didn’t go
with my eyes, did nothing for my figure, made me feel even
less attractive than I already did.
Slowly I stood, pulled up my panties, flushed, and
wandered back to the sinks to wash my hands. Then I pasted
the biggest smile on my face. Mac had hung up the phone
while I was in the bathroom. When I walked out, he was
sitting on the bed looking nervous.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt.” I explained apologetically.
“I just really had to go. That margarita was huge. And potent.
Ready to kayak?”
Whatever look had been on his face, it was replaced with
an affectionate smile as he stood to greet me. “I’d love to,”
he proclaimed. Then he studied my face for a moment.
“Don’t you want to ask me about the phone call?” His brow
was furrowed as he waited.
Shrugging, I shook my head. “Nah. If you have anything
to tell me, you will. You’ve never struck me as someone who
is particularly deceitful.” Then I grabbed his hand. “Let’s
go.”
We left the room to go kayaking. The weather was
beautiful. We took out a two-person kayak, snapped on our
life jackets, and started paddling. As we glided through the
water, I could feel the change between us. Mac was quiet.
Though this should have been enjoyable, it already felt
tiresome. My every effort to lighten the mood failed.
“So do you go kayaking often?” I asked, curious if this
was a hobby or a vacation thing.
“What?” It seemed like he hadn’t been listening. Then he
suddenly responded. “Oh, no. Never done this before.”
Apparently it hadn’t been much of a conversation starter.
So I tried again. “Well, you paddle like a pro!” I announced.
“Thank you.” His response was flat.
It was in that moment I decided to stop talking, stop
trying. He’d talk to me when he felt like it. Once we returned
to the dock, we decided to enjoy a sunset walk on the beach
before we dined at Martino’s, the Italian restaurant on site.
During the walk, even though we held hands, I could still feel
someone between us. When we were at dinner, there was
music to fill the silence. At the moment, I was seriously
kicking myself for ever going back to the room. How
different would this day have gone if I had stayed at the
pool? It was hard to say. I couldn’t change the past anyway.
Instead, I had to focus on the future, the rest of this trip.
As soon as we returned to the room from dinner, Mac
flopped on the bed. “Wanna rest before we go party
tonight?” he asked.
Shaking my head, I walked toward him and casually
slipped the spaghetti straps off my shoulders. Each step I
took had the dress sinking closer to the floor. “Nope.”
“No nap?” he asked, smirking some.
“No party,” I said in my sexiest voice.
His eyes widened. “No naughty school girl themed
party?” He pointed to the outfit I had laid out on the dresser
hours before. “But you were all ready to go.”
By now, I was standing at his side and my dress was
pooled around my ankles. “Now I’m ready to stay in.”
Without saying another word, I straddled him on the bed.
Licking his lips, Mac asked, “So we’re staying here?”
“Uh huh,” I murmured as I leaned over him and started
leaving little kisses all over his face. When I made it around
the side of his head, I knotted one hand in his hair while I
breathed in short warm bursts into his ear and rubbed my
body up and down his. It was the first time I was going to let
a man share my body ever. The rape didn’t count, since he
never had my permission.
For me, tonight was critical. I needed Mac to think of me
and only me. More than that, I needed to make sure this time
between us was so special that it made the past just
disappear. This was me facing my fears and showing them I
was boss. Soon, Mac’s hands were on my waist. He was
running them up and down my sides. It was super important
that I relax into the experience. To do so, I kept my eyes wide
open. When I closed them, I was assaulted with memories of
sweaty painful sex, of a big dumb guy smirking down at me,
making it nearly impossible for me to breathe with his
weight on me.
“What’s a stupid fucking linebacker?” Mac asked quietly.
“Huh?” I asked. Then I realized I must have been
mumbling, lost in thoughts of the past. “Not you. Never
you,” I clarified, pasting a practiced smile on my face.
“Are you okay?” he asked me, but mostly it seemed like
he was wondering aloud. He brushed the hair away from my
face and captured the back of my neck, hauling me close for
a kiss. Mac tried to roll me, take the top, but I fought it.
“Okay, side by side then,” he acquiesced.
Relaxing, I settled in, our lengths aligned. I wanted to run
my hands all over his body. His skin was so soft over those
defined muscles. He had the sparsest amount of man fur
around his nipples, the lightest smattering around his belly
button, then a glorious trail down below his waistline.
“Rugby.” He explained as I admired his abs. “All my life.”
“Well done.”
The moment he loosened up, I rolled him onto his back as
I kissed my way down to his hard cock. It fascinated me in a
way I never expected. This piece of him felt like skin covered
hot steel. For the first time, I was with a man I wanted in me,
a man I would willingly share my body with. Without giving
it another thought. I rubbed my body up his as I made my
way back to his face. My nipples dragged along his thighs,
then his chest, and finally I leaned over him, hoping he
would open his mouth for me. Sure enough, his tongue shot
out and helped him capture my taut peak. Mac sucked for a
moment, eliciting a moan I never expected to release. He
smiled, as if he had won something. Seconds later, I dropped
my hips back. After taking a brief moment to position myself
just so, I sat down hard, impaling myself on his throbbing
hard cock. He slid in smoothly, filling me completely,
shocking us both. Finally, I knew what it meant, understood
how it felt, how relationships between a man and woman
were supposed to be. How could I ever think a vibrator would
be an adequate substitute?
“You feel amazing,” Mac moaned. “Such a wonderfully
perfect fit.”
Though I had zero experience on the top or really any
other position, I started raising and lowering my hips like I
had seen in porns. He gripped my hips and helped me. One
week of tantric training had gone completely out the
window. I didn’t care about prolonging the moment. It
mattered little how long it lasted. Somehow it felt like what
was between was going to go on forever.
There was more passion than I could have ever imagined.
Soon, despite my effort to remain on top, I was giving in,
granting a trust I never expected to feel. Sex felt completely
different with him in the power position. Mac was holding
me close, one hand cupping my buttocks, the other wrapped
around my neck. He was kissing me fiercely, all but bruising
me with his lips. Our bodies were impossibly close. His hips
kept thrusting to meet mine. I struggled to open my thighs
wider, but quickly realized that wouldn’t matter. Already I
was spread as far as possible, it was our bodies that were in
the way, preventing us from being as close as we wanted to
be. This was so intense.
Inside, I could feel it happening. The heat and friction he
created from pumping in and out of me had stoked a fire I
never expected. Sure, I suppose I wanted to have an orgasm
with him, but I knew enough about heterosexual sex to know
that girls didn’t always achieve one. Only with him it was not
simply likely, the climax was happening. And I needed the
top.
Flipping him over once more, I grinded against him. “Oh,
Mac,” I whimpered, the agony of being so close, feeling the
building pressure, aching for the release.
“Together then, my sweet Heaven,” he managed.
Just as I began to contract around him, I could feel him
spraying inside me. It was the most incredible and fulfilling
experience of my adult life. It felt so right, so natural.
Then he very nearly ruined it. When I looked down at him
after riding out the waves of pleasure, there was this
expectant look on his face. He wanted props, or reassurance.
Uncertain of what to say, I simply spoke my mind. I
always had where he was concerned. It wasn’t the time to
start changing now. “I’m going to wear you out this week,” I
warned. “I’m going to need repeat performances. My repeat
performances are going to need repeat performances. Rest
up.”
Smiling, he rolled us to our sides and wrapped me in his
arms. “So, let me get this straight. We just finished making
love and you are already threatening me?”
“I wouldn’t call it a threat,” I casually explained. “It’s
more of a warning actually.”
Mac’s eyes were closed, but he was still beaming. “Do I at
least get forty winks for good behavior?” He teased.
“Take a whole half hour.” I suggested, settling into his
chest. Then I opened one eye to watch for his reaction. “You
earned it.”
His eyes shot open, and he started tickling me. We were
rolling around on the bed laughing. There was no way he was
thinking of anyone at the moment other than me. It was the
perfect way to end a night.
38
M ust be I fell asleep thinking about sex. I say this because I
essentially woke up having it. It was the strangest sensation
as I struggled to open my eyes.
“Well, I’m awake now,” Mac murmured, wrapping
himself around me even more tightly.
For a moment, I couldn’t figure out what was going on.
Then I realized my hand was sliding up and down his
erection and I was rubbing my butt against him relentlessly.
Even as I realized what I was doing, I felt powerless to stop. I
didn’t want to. If anything, I wanted to take it even further.
Lifting one leg, I allowed Mac perfect access. He still seemed
to be moving slowly, so I helped guide him into my wet
waiting hole. “Not too quick on the uptake,” I mumbled.
As soon as he was sliding inside me, I threw my leg over
his hip, then grabbed behind his knee to haul him as close as
possible. Then I began to touch myself. My reactions and
actions were all on autopilot. Though I’d had many years to
perfect masturbating with a vibrator, sharing my body with
him was the best it had ever felt.
Mac had rolled to angle himself for the deepest access
possible. Still, he managed to reach over and massage my
breast. This time, I didn’t need to look at him. I knew who I
was with. I knew precisely what we were doing.
It didn’t take long before I could feel his pace change, the
thrusting intensify. “Are you close?” he asked in a hushed
tone.
My hand moved more frantically over my clitoris now. I
knew just how to speed up the orgasm. “Mmhm,” I
managed.
“Good,” he muttered. “Don’t want to hold back
anymore.” As soon as he finished speaking, I felt him make
one final deep pump into me before he exploded. Feeling it
served to move my climax along nicely.
He remained in me, thrusting gently, allowing me to ride
out the waves as my muscles contracted and rolled around
him. These moments with him were so much more than I
ever expected to experience, to enjoy. It was all I could do to
simply let out a whimper.
Mac rolled closer to me, still within me, and laid a hand
on my lower abdomen. “You are so incredible,” he whispered
in my ear before nuzzling my neck. “You can wake me up
like that any time you’d like.”
Wrapping an arm around his neck, I held him close to me,
his face along the side of my face. “I’ll keep that in mind,” I
murmured in what I hoped was my sexiest voice. Slowly my
arm dropped, but his hand remained on my stomach even as
he had gently withdrawn his cock from inside me.
Looking me in the eyes, he spoke to me in a tone I’d never
heard. It was almost loving. “You know, something about
that just felt so right.” Then he closed his eyes once more.
Gradually, his breathing slowed and I knew he was asleep.
Oh, but not me. I lay there for a long time studying him,
the way his hand looked on my stomach, how nice his
fingers were. I really liked the way his breath felt against my
skin, the way it felt having his body pressed against mine. It
was unnerving in the best of ways. Breathe, I told myself.
Enjoy this. It will be over too soon. Then I held onto the happy
thoughts and drifted off to sleep.
This time when I woke, Mac was kissing his way down my
body. This might just be my happiest Monday ever. Lying
there with my eyes closed, I savored the attention he was
lavishing upon me. His hands roamed up and down my sides
until he paused at my hips. Gently he nudged my thighs
apart with his knees before kissing my stomach in earnest,
then he buried himself between my legs. Though I tried to
remain still, the moment he started licking between my lips,
I gasped in pleasure.
“Thought that might do the trick,” he murmured before
he started working his magic with his tongue again.
“You are so good,” I moaned as I reached down with my
hands and started running them through his hair. Soon my
hips were writhing in pleasure and my legs were spread
impossibly wide. Mac was licking and sucking with such
fervor, I thought I was going to lose my mind. Suddenly, I
realized I didn’t want to come this way. Nope. He had to be in
me. Grabbing his ears, I pulled him up.
“Hey,” he grumbled. “I was busy.”
“Get busy inside me,” I ordered. As soon as his pelvis was
level with mine, I wrapped myself around him. “In me.
Now.”
Smiling, he leaned down to kiss me, completely ignoring
my words. Pulling back, he looked me in the eye. “Ask
nicely.”
Shaking my head, I groaned. “I don’t beg.”
“Well, I don’t get ordered around.” He seemed adamant.
“A compromise then?” His body was propped on his arms a
safe distance away from me, braced on either side of my
body.
“What do you have in mind?”
“Tell me your name and you can have whatever you
want.” He seemed so proud and self-assured.
My arm shot out and hit him in the bend, forcing him off
balance. He collapsed onto my body. Then I lifted a leg and
grabbed his shoulders, using momentum to roll him over.
Once I sat on him and pinned his arms, I spoke smugly,
“Looks like I get what I want anyway. No deal.”
“You seem pretty proud of yourself, Jolie,” he murmured
into my ear as I leaned low over him.
“Why do we have to compete?” I wondered aloud. “We
have to be a team at work. Why can’t we both win?” I moved
my hips, angling so that he slid into my wet waiting opening.
“Why can’t we just enjoy this time together? It’s so short…”
Slowly, I rode him, raising and lowering my hips to his,
finding a rhythm to fulfill our need. Sitting back more, Mac’s
hands held my hips, helping me, as my legs began to wear
out. Inside me, I was aware of every change. I could feel
when I grew wetter. I knew the moment he grew impossibly
large. Even though we’d only done this a few times in the
past twenty-four hours, I recognized his tells, the way his
breathing changed, how his grip intensified. Without looking
I knew he was ready and simply holding back to satisfy me.
His excitement helped send me over the edge.
From the look on his face, he had been studying my tells
as well. His smile spread while I rode out the orgasm. It
made me weak, which was why he was able to so quickly flip
me over. Once I was on my back, he wrapped his arms
around me, one hand on the middle of my back, the other on
my lower back, drawing my pelvis closer to his. Mac’s face
was buried in my neck as he drove himself even deeper
inside me. Finally he spoke. One word. One solitary word as
he erupted inside me. “Mine.”
I was not sure he meant to say it aloud. I was even less
certain he knew how true it was. More importantly, what was
I going to do when this week was over?
We spent the day lounging by the pool. It had been a
lovely afternoon. “I want a pool,” I commented.
“Doesn’t your apartment complex have a pool?” Mac
asked.
“Yup. I just want a house with a private pool where I can
do this,” I explained.
“And by this you mean?”
Laughing, I gestured to my body. “You know. Swim
around naked.”
“It’s a good look for you,” he noted. “I’m going to buy
you a pool.”
“In a way, you are.” I teased. I waited until his eyes were
on me. “You sign my checks.”
Throwing his head back, he chuckled. “There’s that.”
We were having such a nice time, I really hated knowing I
was about to ruin it by turning all girl on him. “We haven’t
really talked about this, and now that we’re sleeping
together, I thought it might be time,” I began calmly.
“Oh, using protection?” he asked.
Shaking my head, I raised my hands and waved them
madly. “Not that.”
“Ready to define our relationship?” he queried.
“Not exactly. I thought we needed to talk about the fact
that we can’t have one.” Then I smiled.
He had just lifted his cocktail and started sipping from his
straw. No doubt he wanted his mouth to be moist when he
had his say, which was why he should have swallowed it
instead of spewing it all over me. “What?”
“You’re my boss. We can’t have a relationship. What we
can have is a fantastically wonderful fling.” I shrugged,
eyebrows raised in anticipation of what he might say next.
“Is that all?” He waved his hand. “There’s no policy
against dating. And I’m the boss. I date who I want, when I
want. And it should be obvious by now that I want you.”
Leaning toward me, he kissed me on the lips ever so gently.
“There. Nothing to worry about.”
Huh. None of this had gone quite how I planned. “Right.
Nothing to worry about.” Leaning back in my lounger, I
contemplated what I should say next. My best hope for our
trip was for me to get over my fear of intimacy with men.
Hell, maybe I’d even luck out and find the man to father my
child. Nowhere in all this dreaming and hoping had I
pictured a relationship. I wasn’t sure I was ready for one. In
the long run, I wanted a family, a baby, a spouse. Not now.
Not yet. Not…here. Suddenly this vacation wasn’t a getaway,
but a get into. As in, what had I gotten myself into?
The rest of the afternoon was spent relaxing in between
eating. I was really good at eating. Because he had me so
unnerved, I had even started drinking. While he was sucking
down these fruity drinks from a hollowed out coconut, I was
tossing back shots of Tuaca. By the fourth one, I was starting
to loosen up. By the sixth one, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to
move.
“Let’s go for a walk.” He suggested, throwing a
companionable arm around my shoulder. “You, me, the
beach at sunset. What do you say?”
“The nude beach?” I asked cautiously. The idea of
throwing anything over my flaming body didn’t appeal.
Alcohol always made my body temperature spike.
“Of course. No reason to cover up that gorgeous form.”
Mac winked at me.
“Cool,” I murmured, trying to hide the slur. “Come on.” I
held out my hands for him to help me up. Taking the nonverbal cue, he hefted me off of my lounger. It was soon
painfully obvious that I was intoxicated.
“This way.” He wrapped his arm protectively around my
waist to ensure I didn’t fall into the pool as we passed
dangerously close to the edge.
Looking into the deep end, I commented, “That’s a long
way down.”
“Yes, it is.” Mac smiled at me jovially. He seemed to really
be enjoying my incapacitation.
We walked in silence. Quite frankly, at the moment, I
wasn’t sure I’d be able to walk and chew gum at the same
time, forget about carrying on an intelligent conversation.
He was so close and I was so hot. It was just too much. By the
time we neared the water, I was pushing away from him,
ready to run into the waves.
Thankfully the beach was deserted. Must be most people
were having dinner or drinks or both. I wanted both. I just
needed to cool down first. My rush into the water wasn’t
pretty. Though in my mind I was darting toward it like a
gazelle, I was pretty sure I looked more like a sea cow, all
beached and awkward, right up until my big belly flop into
the oncoming waves. The water felt so refreshing, until it
went up my nose. Gah. Soon I was sputtering and struggling
until strong hands grasped my waist and hauled me up.
“You’re on fire,” Mac noted as he held me close. “And
you seem sleepy. Wanna lie here a moment? We can shower
before dinner.”
“Yes,” I mumbled. I was too embarrassed to open my eyes
and look at him. My feet touched the wet sand despite his
support. Soon it was obvious he was lowering me gently to
the ground. I cooperated, drunken and boneless. Throwing
an arm over my eyes, I lay there with my legs bent, and let
the waves lap at my toes.
His hand was caressing the side of my face. Peeking for a
moment, I realized he was squatting beside me. “Do you
have any idea how beautiful you are?” he asked quietly. “It’s
nearly impossible for me to control myself around you.”
My arm flew off my face. “Are you kidding me? I’m a hot
fucking mess!” Immediately, I could feel the color rising in
my cheeks.
Shaking his head, he spoke seriously, “Not even a little.
You just had maybe a bit too much to drink.” He ran a hand
down my flat stomach. “Let me tell you how I see you,” he
began. “You are all tan and gorgeous, with sun streaked hair.
Right now, your skin is positively glistening from the water
droplets.” Mac’s hand traveled up my thigh toward my knee.
He extended my leg, caressing my calf before he caught my
eye once more. “These legs. Perfect. I want them wrapped
around me and only me.” Suddenly, something in the sand
seemed to catch his attention. He reached over and lifted up
a seashell.
Fascinated, I waited to see what he was going to do with
it. It didn’t take long for me to find out. Taking the shell, he
positioned it directly over my pussy. It was the Caribbean
version of the fig leaf. A smile perked up the corners of my
mouth. Then there were more shells, a trail of them swirling
up my side until he turned his attention to my breasts.
“Your tatas,” he groaned.
“Did you just say ‘tatas’?” I snorted.
Mac bent low and silenced me by sucking on each nipple.
Thankfully, no one was around to object. I surely wasn’t
going to.
When he raised his head once more, he smiled. “Look
what I found,” Mac observed, raising two matching shells.
“Pasties.” He teased, as he placed them over my erect
nipples.
Of course, I wasn’t the only one who was erect. “I think
we should go shower now,” I urged, anxious for the chance
to be alone with him privately, able to satisfy our need.
“Whatever you say, my sweet Heaven, but we’re hanging
onto the shells.” He collected them from my body and
announced, “They are keepers, just like you.”
Ignoring him completely, I grabbed his hand. “To the
room,” I muttered, feeling immensely more sober than I had
been when we first started walking not long ago.
It was a short distance to the room. By the time we
arrived, his hard on was long gone. I wasn’t worried. Given
experience, I could fix that. Walking directly into the
bathroom, I turned the water on. He was still standing in the
bedroom, staring at me through the glass. Apparently subtle
wasn’t working at the moment. “Care to join me?” I asked as
I leaned out the door.
“I thought you’d never ask.” He teased.
“Oh, I’ll ask,” I admitted as he walked up behind me.
“Just don’t expect me to beg. It’s not in my nature.”
His arms reached around and cupped my breasts. “I’d
never make you, it’s not in mine,” he whispered in my ear.
Between his touch and his warm breath in my ear I had a
shiver running down my spine.
Together we walked into the shower and immediately
began luxuriating in the heated spray. Without speaking,
Mac reached over and found my shampoo. At first, I wanted
to object. After years of traveling with Sin, I had grown
territorial over my toiletries. Before I could say anything,
however, he was using the liquid in the palm of his hand to
wash my hair. His hands massaging my scalp and the steam
from the shower were making me boneless once more. I just
wanted to melt into him. Mac wouldn’t have it, however.
Gently pushing me an arm’s length away, he rinsed my hair
until the water ran clear, then he grabbed my shower gel and
started to clean the sand off my arms. By the time he reached
my shoulder he was planting soft kisses wherever he
finished cleaning.
Soon he had me seated on the ledge and leaned back
against the tiled shower wall. This might have been the
longest I had ever been silent with him. The urge to speak
was great, but I’d kill myself if I ruined this moment. I was
dying to see what he was going to do next. So far, he had yet
to disappoint. The man had covered me in a seashell bikini. It
was probably one of the most sensual experiences of my life.
I could trust him to seal the deal. Please let him seal the deal.
His hands lathered my thighs, my calves, and my feet. He
rubbed my flat stomach. His hands roamed over my painfully
hard nipples. Finally, we both knew there was only one place
he hadn’t washed. I knew I was wet and achy in anticipation.
Kneeling between my legs, Mac ever so gently washed my
vajay-jay. As soon as the bubbles were gone, he slipped first
one finger, then a second inside me. “More,” I demanded.
“Three? Really?” he asked in disbelief.
Shaking my head, I urged, “No, you!”
I could actually see the light going on in his head.
Somehow, I knew I had just given him the power to torture
me. I was regretting it already.
“Well, they are my fingers. Same thing, right?” His eyes
sparkled. He was enjoying this too much.
“Stop. I want your cock in me. Now.” Then I snapped my
thighs shut and pulled away, my chin set in defiance.
“So that’s how it is?” He chuckled.
Nodding, I frowned. “That’s how it is.”
“You’ll have to do something about this.” He teased. Then
he thrust his pelvis toward me, sporting a semi.
Shrugging, I faced my task. Reaching out, I cupped his
balls with one hand and gripped his penis with the other.
Then, looking at him, I slowly opened my mouth. The
moment my tongue connected with the tip of his dick, he
inhaled sharply. His reaction only made me feel more
powerful. Soon, I had taken all of him in my mouth. With my
lips and my hand, I mimicked what it would feel like inside
me, until he was pulsing hard.
“Now what are you gonna do with that?” he asked, eyes
fixed on me.
“Sit,” I ordered, standing so he could take my place.
Once he did, I turned and sat on his lap, impaling myself
on the process. Then I rode him. It felt so good to have him
inside me once more. The alcohol dulled my senses more
than I liked, but I planned on a repeat performance after
dinner and as often as possible for the rest of the trip. I was
stocking up. Who knew what would happen once we returned
to San Francisco? I had stopped trusting in future plans long
ago.
“Oh, Jolie,” he moaned. “Can I come?”
I knew what he meant. I wasn’t sure I was close. I might
not get to finish. For a moment, I hesitated to answer. He
seemed to instinctually understand why. Suddenly his hand
snaked around my waist and found my clitoris. He rubbed
me just perfectly, better than any woman ever had. In
seconds, the combination of his hand and his cock had me
panting. As we neared the one minute mark, I was
whimpering. Finally, I could feel him pulsing inside me. It
sent me over the edge. The contractions wracked my body,
tightening around him.
Pulling away slowly, I stood and rinsed. Mac still hadn’t
moved. “Come on. Let’s get dressed and go eat.” Our time in
the shower had satisfied one appetite, but increased another.
I needed fuel.
“How can a week with you ever satisfy me?” he
questioned.
“Days from now, you will be rushing to lose me in
customs.” I predicted.
“Never, H. Jolie Ward. You are the kind of woman I’d rush
to.”
39
T here
it was. My plan for the week. Satisfy the man.
Luckily, I was up to the task. Though I had spent the last ten
years being pretty much selfish, self-serving, and selfindulgent, now I was the consummate giver. It was quite the
change.
Over the remainder of the week, I made sure to keep a
smile on his face and give him loads of orgasms. The two
pretty much went hand in hand. It started Monday night
after dinner. We ate late after the shower sex. We took our
time enjoying our meal. When we were through, we barely
had the energy for the walk back to the room, which was how
we ended up stripping down on our patio and climbing into
our private hot tub.
“You know,” I began casually, “we have a basket full of
toys we still haven’t tried out yet.”
Smiling broadly, Mac agreed. “We sure do. And the rest of
the week to take them for a test drive.” He stretched his
arms out before him, then slowly folded them behind his
head. “So, what would you like to try first?” He winked at me
happily.
It made me laugh. “Okay, well, I haven’t done much of
this before,” I admitted. That was a first, me divulging a
weakness. “But I’m game for anything. This is Hedonism,
after all. We should cut loose and get wild. You know tonight
is the Sexy Pirates and Booty shorts theme party.”
Mac sighed before leaning forward, closing the distance
between us. “I’d love to say we should go, but I’ve never lied
to you and I sure as bloody hell don’t plan on starting now.”
Perking up, I leaned closer. “You said ‘bloody.’ This must
be serious.” A smirk graced my face.
Clearing his throat, he nodded. Mac looked up at me
through his lashes. I could have sworn he pierced my heart
then. My smirk faded. “I’m not ready to share you.”
The words were spoken so quietly I wasn’t entirely
certain I heard him correctly. Leaning closer, I turned my ear
closer. “I’m not sure what you said. It sounded like you don’t
want to share me?” Confusion should have been evident in
my voice.
“That’s what I said.”
Sitting up stiffly, I stared at him. “I’m not into swinging,
if that’s what you think.” I could feel the bile rising in my
throat as I imagined us doing that, seeing some other
woman touch him, kiss him, or worse…him being in her. I
wrapped my arms around my body protectively.
“Not that.” He laughed. His arms darted toward me,
captured me, and pulled me onto his lap. “Never that,” he
murmured in my ear. Settling against the back of the tub, he
repositioned me until he had me right where he wanted me.
“If another man looked at you in booty shorts, I’d probably
lose it on him.”
Feeling immensely better, I decided to use this moment to
my advantage. “So I suppose Tuesday’s party of Pajamas and
Pasties is out of the question.” As I awaited his response, I
bit my cheek to hold back the laughter, and another thought
occurred to me. No one else had ever made me feel so sexy
and wanted.
“Hell no, we’re not going!” he growled.
“Fetish Fantasy Night?”
“Jolie,” he said in a warning voice.
Turning my face toward his, I gave him my most innocent
wide-eyed look. “Is there a party I’m allowed to go to?” I
could feel the tension dissipating.
Now it was Mac’s turn to smirk. As soon as I saw his face,
I couldn’t wait to hear what his smartass response was going
to be. “There’s a party in my pants you’re invited to.”
My response was swift. I burst out laughing so hard I lost
my balance on his lap, fell into the hot tub, and had to be
pulled up to the surface, sputtering. Moments later I was still
choking.
“Was it worth it?” he asked dryly.
“Absolutely,” I managed in between coughs.
“I’m going to ask you that question again in a few hours.”
He teased, while climbing out of the hot tub.
“What’s in a couple of hours?” I asked as I pounded on
my chest with a fist.
Watching me for a moment, he tried to hide a laugh. “It’s
not what’s in a couple of hours,” he noted as he walked
around the outside of the tub to where I slouched against the
side looking up at him. Placing his hands on the side and
leaning over me in a way that I found incredibly sexy, he
explained. “It’s what we’re going to be doing for the next
couple of hours.”
Swallowing, I suddenly wondered if I was ready for this
man. My mouth went dry in anticipation. My heart pounded
in my chest. “What are we going to do?” The words were
barely a whisper.
“Everything,” he announced. “We are going to do
absolutely everything.”
The man neither lied nor exaggerated. During the
remainder of the week, we did everything beginning the
minute he carried me out of the hot tub. “We’re lousy at this
tantric bit,” I joked. “I can’t believe we passed that
seminar.”
“What are you talking about? We didn’t have sex
involving penetration until after the ceremony. I think that
showed great control considering I wanted you every
moment since we stepped foot on this island.” To emphasize
his point, he bent his head low while he walked us to the
room and started sucking on my nipple.
Instantly, the mood changed from playful to passionate.
All I wanted was for us to get inside away from prying eyes
so I could make him moan. “Faster,” I urged. His head
started toward my breast again, but I stopped him. Grabbing
his chin, I forced him to look me in the eyes. “The room!
Walk faster!” Need was making me impatient.
His eyes brightened and he picked up the pace, setting me
down just outside the door so he could open it for us. Once
inside, I pulled it together and started by pulling the dice out
of our tantric goody basket. “First,” I announced, stopping
him.
If he was disappointed, he hid it well. Soon we were both
on the bed, ready to play. “So how does this work?” he
asked.
“Well, it’s foreplay. Let’s see who cracks first.” The
gauntlet had been thrown. For the next hour, we rolled dice
and performed the acts they suggested. I had sucked on his
fingers. He had kissed my nipple until I was writhing in the
sheets. Then I had licked his cock until it was jumping and
jerking. Still, he refused to break. So the night continued
until he had to kiss my pussy and just ended up getting too
carried away. Generous woman that I was, we ended the
night with oral sex. I couldn’t make life too easy for him.
Tuesday, we decided to try our hand at the tantric sex
position our instructor had suggested. Mac sat on the bed,
his legs folded, and I sat on his lap. We started kissing,
touching, just as she suggested. It was all a natural
progression. Soon, I was moving forward to sit on his
erection while he manipulated my nipples. Together, we
rocked and swayed for over an hour.
“I would love to say this is awesome, but it just doesn’t
feel as natural to me,” I admitted. “Maybe we need to forget
about this and just kind of do our own thing. Sex doesn’t
need to be performed with instructions, right?”
“Couldn’t agree more,” Mac said. Then he flopped me on
my back and started pounding into me, just the way I liked.
It didn’t take long. Once we started doing it our way, the
welcome pressures began to build, and we were clinging to
each other as we found our release. “That’s more like it,” I
moaned breathlessly.
While each experience with him was special, my favorite
by far was Wednesday. As I climbed onto the end of the bed
that evening, Mac stopped me. “Wait.” He held my hips and
climbed onto the bed with me. After he had me move toward
the middle of the bed, he started caressing my back and hips
while I remained on all fours. “Do you have any idea how
incredibly beautiful you are?” he murmured while he ran a
hand over my ass.
“No, tell me,” I urged. The idea of doggy style had never
appealed to me, but for Mac, I might just reconsider.
“I know women think that we forget who they are if we
can’t see their face, but I assure you, I know who I’m making
love to,” he began.
Every time he used that expression, it created butterflies
inside. My heart pounded harder, and my breathing became
more ragged. “What else?” I loved the physical reaction I
had to his words.
“Honestly, this is my favorite part of the female form. In
this position, I can enjoy all of you. I’m rubbing against your
buttocks. I can reach around and tease your clitoris. Hell, I
can grab your breasts and touch your nipples.” He squeezed
a nipple for emphasis. “Oh, and even more than that, you
should see how incredible your hips look, the way they flare
out just right, giving me something to hold onto as I bury
myself deep within you.”
A few more words and I’d literally be dripping wet. “Shut
up and get in me,” I growled. It was such sweet agony,
waiting for him to enter me. “Oh, Mac,” I moaned as I felt
the tip of his erection pressing against my vagina.
Ever so slowly, he pushed his way in, and even more
slowly he pulled out. Again and again he did it until I was
begging him to go faster. Tired of the teasing, I took matters
into my own hands. With my fists knotted in the sheets, I
started to move and set the pace.
“I could do this forever,” Mac moaned.
“That’s fine, but I’ll be done in a minute or two,” I
warned.
True to my word, moments later my pace changed. His
hand rubbing just over my clitoris had me whimpering. My
arms buckled. I buried my face in the sheets while my butt
remained high in the air. The angle was perfect. Seconds
later I could feel him ejaculating inside me.
“That’s my favorite feeling ever,” I said. “I love feeling
you come.”
“You can feel that?” he asked in surprise.
Nodding, I smiled. “Every drop.”
Needless to say, Sunday came too soon. We woke knowing
in a matter of hours we’d be heading to the airport. As I
packed up after breakfast, I joked, “Well, at least I don’t
have a lot of laundry to do.”
Mac chuckled. “Of course not. You barely wore any
clothes. I’ve come to prefer you that way. The office is going
to suck.” He smacked my clothed behind as he passed me on
his way to the bathroom. He collected our toiletries which we
divvied up and placed in the appropriate bags.
“Who gets the toys?” I asked, realizing we hadn’t stuffed
them anywhere.
“I can’t have those in my luggage. Take them with you.
I’ll just enjoy them on our weekends together,” he said
happily.
“Fine. Hand them over.” I winked.
Though I acted all cool and collected, his words made me
think. Apparently he expected us to carry this relationship
home with us too. I wasn’t sure I was ready, but I didn’t
want to run away either. Maybe this guy was worth sticking
around for. Sin had hers. Could I possibly have found mine?
Hell, a few weeks ago, I wouldn’t have thought a man was in
my future. Then I looked at Mac with a purely utilitarian
motive. Now, feelings had intruded.
At two in the afternoon, we headed to the airport. Just as
we arrived, Mac’s phone began to ring. He looked at me. “I
have to take this.” Then without waiting for my reaction, he
walked away, leaving me to talk to the cab driver and check
our bags, just when I was starting to get used to being
spoiled. By the time he returned to my side, I was steaming.
“What’d I miss?” he asked, happily.
“Everything,” I grumbled. “Let’s go.” Then I walked into
the airport. It was going to be a long trip.
“Listen,” he started calmly, “I’m sorry I left you with
everything. I had to take the call, even just to tell them I was
traveling and couldn’t talk.” He was being incredibly vague.
It was Sunday. It was the same time as the week before that
he had received the call. I could see a pattern emerging. So
far, I didn’t like it.
“Fine,” I said. “Let’s just get on the plane. I have a lot to
do when I get home.” Actually, that was a complete lie. I had
nothing to do when we returned, but I sure as hell wasn’t
going to tell him that. As far as he was concerned, I was
busy, popular, well rounded, incredibly sought after. He was
lucky to spend time with me.
“Of course,” he murmured.
Soon enough we were on the plane headed back to the
states. After a brief layover in Atlanta, we were on the last leg
of our journey, hours from San Francisco. Finally, Mac broke
the silence.
“Are we having some sort of breakdown in
communication?” he asked. “You’ve been unusually quiet. I
can’t read your mind. Talk to me.”
Staring at him, I contemplated responding. I just didn’t
know how without showing my squishy pink underbelly.
Already I felt far too vulnerable. How could I possibly tell
him that I feared he had someone else in his life? How could
I admit that after two short weeks together, I was falling for
him? What if he didn’t feel the same way? What if all my
worst fears were realized? So, instead of saying anything like
it, I shook my head. “I’m fine.” Then I looked down at the
magazine I was pretending to be engrossed in.
“If memory serves, that’s the seventh ‘fine’ you’ve given
me since we left Jamaica. Any chance ‘fine’ means
something different in American English?” he asked.
I knew he was being playful, but I was still steaming. He
had done nothing to appease me, nothing to reassure me,
nothing to satisfy my concerns. Instantly, I pulled out my
phone and started searching. He wanted to play that game.
I’d make sure I knew all the worst words. From now on, he’d
know precisely how I felt about him.
When the captain warned that we were about to land, I
was still looking up swear words and insults. After we arrived
at the gate and we made it to baggage claim, I realized he
was on the phone once more. Seriously. I was going to be
herding luggage alone. Nope. I was done, completely over it.
His apologetic shrug had done nothing to lessen my rage.
My suitcase was one of the first ones off. Mac was
standing far to the side. Because it was so noisy, he had to
speak louder than normal. All I heard was, “I love you too!”
That was when I snapped. Taking my luggage and throwing
my carry-on over my shoulder, I turned on my heels and
headed out the door.
40
T he cab ride was probably just what I needed. We were back
in San Francisco anyway. Why would what was going on
between us continue? It shouldn’t have started to begin with.
So when I was dropped off at the apartment, I simply carried
my luggage up the stairs and let myself in. It was time to do
laundry and prepare for a new work week. I hadn’t been
there for three weeks by now and honestly…I wasn’t missing
it. Swallowing hard, I realized that just as I had returned
here, so had the restlessness within me. What was I going to
do?
Before I could consider that, my phone started ringing. To
my disappointment after fishing it from my purse, it was Sin
on the other end. “Hey, girl,” I said quietly.
“What happened? I thought you’d be so happy. You’ve
just spent two weeks in Hedonism!” she squealed. “Tell me
everything. Leave nothing out.”
My laugh sounded hollow even to me. I hoped she
wouldn’t notice. “Not much to say, really. Mac and I had a
nice time.” I swallowed hard.
After a moment of silence, she spoke, “What’s wrong,
Jolie? You don’t sound right.”
“Just tired from traveling,” I responded quickly. “I’m
going to finish the laundry and go to bed. Can I call you later
in the week?”
“Oh, I almost forgot!” The excitement was evident in her
voice. “We finally scheduled the twins’ christening. It’s
Saturday at one in the afternoon. You have to be there. Bring
Mac if you want. Stay over. We’re going to have a big
cookout, pop a few bottles from the winery. You’re the
godmother.”
“Yup,” I said, forcing myself to sound as happy as the
situation would merit. “I’ll be there.”
“You know, you could come Friday after work if you want.
I could use the help if you don’t mind?” There was a
pleading tone in her voice I could never deny.
“Of course. I’d love to help.” That part was true. Helping
her meant I wouldn’t have to think about me. It was a
familiar pattern for us. Now I’d just have to survive the
workweek.
Amazingly enough, avoiding Mac was easier than I expected.
Maybe he was avoiding me too. All I knew for sure was
somehow it was suddenly Friday afternoon, the office was
empty, and aside from group meetings, I hadn’t spoken to
him. The office was empty. With our flexible hours, most
people made sure to be done by lunch the last workday
before the weekend. I planned to enjoy the peace and quiet,
finish up my current project before clearing out and heading
to the winery. Just as I was relaxing and letting my guard
down, Mac appeared at the corner of my desk.
“Oh hell,” I muttered. “What?”
“Not the greeting I had hoped for. Let’s start over.” He
smiled at me warmly. Somehow, for him, it seemed that no
time had passed. There was no strangeness for him at all.
“Hello, Jolie. How are you?”
Leaning back in my seat, I propped my feet on the desk.
“Okay,” I said evenly. “I’ll play along.” Clearing my throat, I
responded to his original question with fake enthusiasm.
“I’m great! How are you?”
Smirking, he squatted beside me. “I’m lonely. I miss you.
I want to spend time with you.”
Leaning toward him with a raised brow, I remarked, “Oh,
really. Then how is it you just now noticed I left you at the
airport?”
Frowning, he admitted, “I was hoping we could just
overlook that. It wasn’t my finest moment. I wanted to call,
but after being gone for two weeks, I was overwhelmed with
work. You were here, didn’t seem angry…rather angrier than
normal. I thought things were good!” He shrugged.
Honestly, his admission made sense. I knew he was
reasonably private. Most of all, I kind of missed spending
time with him too. “Well, I’m busy this weekend.”
“All weekend?” He seemed shocked.
“The twins are being christened.” I explained. “I’m going
there tonight, returning sometime Sunday.”
“Oh.” He was quiet. It could have been my out, but I blew
it.
“Sin said you could come if you want.” Fuck. Why did I say
that?
“I can’t leave tonight. When is the actual christening? I
could be there Saturday morning.” I could about see the
wheels spinning.
“It’s at one in the afternoon.” Then I shut my mouth. If
he was coming, he’d have to work through it. I had done all I
was willing to do.
“Any chance I can stay over with you Saturday?” he
asked. “Maybe after we could go swimming…or stargazing?”
Wow. He really did want to spend time with me. “Yeah.
We’ll have to share a room again. I think the rest are taken.”
I waited for his reaction.
Leaning in, he kissed me on the tip of my nose. “Looking
forward to it. I miss sharing a bed with you too.”
“The sex was good,” I begrudgingly admitted.
Shaking his head, he sighed. “This isn’t about the sex,
Jolie. I miss the intimacy. I miss holding you, wrapping
myself around you while you slept and couldn’t object. I miss
sharing meals together and talking to you throughout the
day. At least for one night I can get that back.” Then he
smoothed my hair back, stood, turned and walked away.
Though I had planned to work at least another hour, there
was no way I could concentrate after that. After saving my
work on the laptop, I packed up and exited the office. Mac
had parked next to me. There was something so cute about
seeing our vehicles together. They looked good together.
Once behind the wheel, I headed straight for Sin. She
would distract me and make it all better. The drive would
help.
Sure enough, an hour of thinking time had me in the
perfect frame of mind for what was in store. Sin came
roaring out of the house with one baby on each hip.
“What the hell are you wearing?” I asked as soon as I
stepped out of the truck.
“It’s my new baby wrap.” She explained. “Do you love it?
It’s the only way I get anything done. Look! I can take
pictures and everything!” She pulled her phone out of her
pocket, pointed it at me, and pressed the screen to
demonstrate. “See?”
“Yes. Now pass me a kid. I’m not here to see you
anymore.” I teased, reaching for my namesake. “Clearly, I’m
here to get my baby fix until I can have one of my own.”
“Right. You’d be lost without me,” she responded. “Hey?
Where’s Mac?”
“He’s coming in the morning, but he’ll stay tomorrow
night, if you don’t mind.” I tried to sound all casual, but I
was more excited at spending the night with him than I
cared to express.
After handing me baby Jolie, we grabbed my duffle and
headed inside. “Drop your bag. We have work to do,” Sin
ordered.
“Man, I’ve just arrived. It’s happy hour. I thought I’d get
a glass of wine, snuggle a baby, eat some of Lucy’s amazing
food, then get to work.” I winked.
“Ah, Miss Jolie! I thought I heard your voice,” the
housekeeper said. The woman always had a smile on her
face. It was impossible to be unhappy around her. Plus, she
made the best food ever, much of it with chocolate, and
made sure I had my favorites when I was around. “Come try
this. We might serve it tomorrow.”
“Lucy, I love you!” I exclaimed happily, walking into the
kitchen with the baby asleep on my shoulder. As soon as
made it through the kitchen door, she was passing me hors
d’oeuvres. One by one, I dutifully ate them. “Oh my God!” I
exclaimed. “It’s like a party in my mouth. My taste buds are
dancing. You are amazing. Why has no one named a building
or food or city after you yet?”
“Oh, Miss Jolie,” the woman said, her cheeks coloring.
“See? You make me blush.”
“Seriously. One day. Something special. I’ll name it after
you.”
“Naming.” Sin teased. “There’s a lot of that going
around.”
We spent the rest of the evening setting up the winery.
Apparently when the parents were influential, even simple
moments like christenings became big deals. There were
several hundred close business associates who would be
coming to the church and the party afterward. It made my
stomach roll just thinking about it. I’d be sneaking off with
Mac the first chance I had. Funny, that made my tummy
flutter. The set-up took until close to midnight. Everything
takes longer when there are babies to care for. Funny, but Sin
never seemed to mind. I wondered if I’d feel the same way. I
was so used to it being just me, but now I wanted more. It
was a terrible thought to have haunting me as I fell asleep.
In the morning, I felt refreshed and excited. We were
having brunch on the patio at ten in the morning. Though I
showered, I didn’t want to get dressed for the christening
yet. I had seen the twins at work. My dress could be ruined.
As hungry as I was, I wasn’t known to be the neatest eater,
either. So, still half asleep, I stumbled down the stairs and
headed out the back door. There was so much laughter and
talking, it took me a moment to process Mac was already
here.
As soon as he saw me, he stood up and walked over to me.
“You look beautiful,” he announced.
Looking myself up and down, I wondered what the hell he
saw. “I’m in pajamas. I haven’t done my hair or makeup.
What is wrong with you?”
Then he leaned over and kissed me on the lips. It had the
same effect it always did, completely melting me. I felt like I
was just coming up for air, blinking, when the kiss finally
ended.
“Why?” I somehow managed to wonder aloud.
Winking at me, he murmured, “I was afraid of what you
might say next. And I really, really missed you.” He wrapped
an arm around my waist and walked me over to the table.
After pulling out my chair, he gestured for me to sit. “I’ll get
you some food and drink. You relax.”
Ben and Sin sat across the table from me, smiling.
“What?” I asked, daring them to make some comment.
The first to crack, Ben shook his head. “Nothing,” he
sputtered.
Sin, however, knew me better. She simply threw her head
back and laughed. “I think Mac likes you. He thinks you’re
sexy,” she announced in her singsong voice.
“I hate you. You suck,” I muttered as Mac returned to the
table with a mug of hot chocolate and a plate of all my
favorites. “Thank you,” I said pleasantly, looking up into his
face before I started shoveling in the scrambled eggs.
An hour later, Sin and I were heading up the stairs
together. She had her arm looped through mine. “Hey, just
so you know, I stuck some tampons under your sink in case
you forgot yours,” she commented.
“Cool. Thank you,” I responded. At the moment, I was
lost in thought.
“What’s on your mind?” she asked. We were nearing my
door. “You seem different.”
Nodding, I agreed. “I am. I think he makes me happy. I
think being without him makes me unhappy. I just don’t
know what to do about it.”
“Enjoy it!” she urged. “You deserve this. Look at how he
dotes on you. He’s a special kind of man.”
Turning the handle, I grinned. “I’ll try.”
The rest of the day passed in a blur. We had the
christening at the church. As nervous and unsettled as I was
being in front of all those people, I made it through with Mac
by my side. We all rode together in the limo. Then it was
time for the party at the winery. The babies may have been
the reason for the event, but the fun didn’t stop when they
went down for naps. Soon it was evening and there were still
people lingering. I was about crawling out of my skin, I was
so eager to get away.
“You two go on,” Sin suggested. “We’ve got this. Go have
some fun. It might be too chilly for a swim, but you should
enjoy the hot tub and have George build a fire. Oh, and Lucy
wanted to know when to have your nightly hot cocoa ready.
She knew you’d never ask, so she offered.”
My eyes teared up unexpectedly. I had to believe it was
because of how wonderful Sin and her new family was, so
warm and caring. “Keep it up and I’ll never leave,” I warned.
“You heard the woman,” Mac joked. “To the house. Hot
tubs and hot chocolate await!”
After hugging Sin and Ben, we hopped in one of the golf
carts to drive back to the house. It soon occurred to me how
tired I was. “I think I worked harder this weekend than I
thought. I’m not going to be your normal late night party
girl,” I warned. “And if we hang out in the hot tub too long,
I’ll be done for sure.”
“Whew. The hot chocolate will surely finish you off.” Mac
parked in front of the garage. We stepped out of the cart and
headed into the house. “We don’t have to do any of that, if
you don’t want. I’ll be happy to just snuggle you and go to
sleep.”
“Well, I won’t,” I grumbled.
“No?” His eyes always twinkled when he was feeling
playful.
Inside the foyer, I stood on my tiptoes. “No, I won’t.” I
walked behind him, wrapped my arms around his waist, and
hugged him. Then my right hand started to slip below his
belt.
Mac whipped around, eyes blazing with desire. “Not
here,” he hissed. “Where’s your room?”
Pointing at the stairs, I was shocked when he scooped me
up and carried me to the second floor. “What are you
doing?” I asked, hoping for some super sexy answer.
“You aren’t fit for public consumption. We clearly need to
be alone.”
“Oh.” My voice was dripping with disappointment.
At the top of the stairs, he looked both directions down
the hall. “Which way?” He sounded out of breath.
“Left, then second door on the right.” I was quiet,
disinterested.
As soon as he reached the door, he turned the handle and
we muscled our way through. In movies, the guy is all
smooth, I imagined in reality it would be far more awkward
and I wasn’t far off, but at least he didn’t hit my head. He
crossed the room and laid me as gently as possible on the
bed. I was impressed, but I refused to show it. In seconds he
had kicked off his shoes and joined me on the comforter.
“You just don’t understand how incredible you are, do
you?” he asked while holding my face in both hands. “It’s all
I can do to control myself around you. Why do you think I
had to put distance between us at the office?”
The intensity in his voice, the look in his eyes had
softened me greatly. Now, I was putty in the man’s hands.
Somehow, despite the butterflies in my stomach and my racy
heart, I was able to shake my head. Then I whispered, afraid
to break the spell, “Tell me.”
Leaning low over my face, with only a breath between our
lips, he murmured, “What if I show you instead?” Before I
could respond, his lips were on mine.
His arms were around me, one hand on my pelvis,
drawing me impossibly close, the other on the back of my
neck, pressing me to him. Our tongues were dancing wildly,
completely driven by need. By the time he released me, we
were both panting.
“This world is crazy. Our occupation can be so tense. My
life hasn’t made sense for so very long. Then I meet you, and
you have become for me my solace, my little piece of heaven.
I am drawn to you like no other before. I can’t be away from
you this long ever again,” he spoke passionately, with such
certainty.
My eyes misted over. Never had I ever imagined someone
would ever say anything like that to me. The words were on
the tip of my tongue. For the first time in my life, I wanted to
say them. Three little words. How hard could it be? Oh, but
speaking them would be like cracking open my chest and
handing him my heart. It was still too scary. Instead, I’d just
showed him, willed him to understand the language of my
actions, the sentiment behind every single thing I did.
Once again our lips connected in a steamy kiss. This time,
however, I was starting to tug at his shirt, work on
unbuttoning. Then I heard a noise that made me pause. It
was the sound of Sin and Ben coming up the stairs. I
shouldn’t be able to hear them. “Mac, the door!” I urged.
Glancing behind him, he realized his error and bolted
from the bed. He dove at the door, slamming it shut just
before they passed by. I burst out in a fit of giggles. Mac
joined me, laughing as he neared the bed.
“Come here, handsome,” I cooed as I held my arms open
for him.
Shaking his head, he instead began to remove his clothing
piece by piece. He unbuttoned the shirt and let it fall to the
floor, then peeled his white T-shirt off, exposing those
amazing abs. I took a page from his playbook and started to
work on my dress. Of course, I needed some help, since it
was a zippered dress.
Hopping to the floor, I stood in front of him and
murmured, “Please.” He knew what I needed when I pulled
my hair away from the neckline. In seconds that demure
beige sheath dress was in a linen pile on the floor. Smiling, I
turned around and removed my bra while his pants fell to
the floor, a pool of black around his ankles. We stepped away
from the clothing and reached for each other.
“I can’t believe you wore panties,” he murmured in my
ear just before he began kissing his way down my shoulder
and my side.
“What about those pesky boxers?” I commented.
“Together then?” Mac joked with his hands already at his
waist, and his thumbs below his elastic band.
Nodding, I smiled as we yanked down the last piece of
clothing that separated us from being skin to skin. He stood,
hands on his hips until I pointed at his feet. Glancing down,
he realized what he had forgotten.
“Looks ridiculous, huh?”
“A little, but I’d still do you,” I teased.
“Would you now?” he asked, closing the distance between
us.
Playfully, I backed away until I ran out of room and my
shoulders and buttocks hit the cool dark wall. My eyebrow
rose as I wondered what he would do now. Gah, I loved
playing with this man.
“Well, love, looks like you’re out of running room.” He
pinned me with an arm on either side of my head.
Glancing first at one hand, then the other, I smiled.
“Looks that way. So whatcha gonna do about it?” If he didn’t
accept this challenge, I’d go up in flames.
“Just this,” he said in a low sexy voice that had my pulse
racing and my heart beating erratically. Pressing his body to
mine, he began kissing me all over, wherever he could
connect.
My hands were roaming up and down his back, scratching
lightly. As I scratched he grew more and more wild, growling
some under his breath. Testing my theory, I really dug in,
leaving a mark from his shoulders to just above his bum. He
pulled back and smiled up at me, but his eyes were blazing
with desire. I had seen that look before. It made me
whimper, especially when his hand found its way between
my legs. Parting them slightly to allow him access, I wasn’t
disappointed. Soon his fingers had found their way inside me
and his thumb was rubbing just right above my clitoris.
Damp, aching and panting, I made my first demand. “In
me. I want your cock in me,” I moaned.
Never one to deny me, his fingers and thumb disappeared.
Seconds later his hands were on my hips, hefting me higher
against the wall. My eyes widened in anticipation. Sure
enough, he angled his hips and I could feel his erection
pressing against my eager moist opening. My hands were on
either side of his face, watching him intently as he slowly
impaled me on his raging erection. Together, we were on
fire.
Moving my hands to his shoulders, Mac buried his face in
my neck a moment, nibbling, scraping his teeth against my
skin. My legs tightened around his waist while he bucked
against my pelvis, forcing his cock deeper and deeper inside
me. Clearly we weren’t the tantric masters we believed
ourselves to be. I didn’t want to wait. I didn’t want this to go
on and on. If what was between us grew any more intense,
I’d spontaneously combust. I just knew it. Apparently Mac
knew it too.
He growled my name, just as my body began to contract
around him. “Jolie!” It had never sounded so beautiful to my
ears. I could feel him erupting inside me in hot spurts.
Something happened to my heart in that moment. I knew
then we had to find a way to make this work. No one else
would ever do.
Collapsing in his arms, Mac slowly withdrew from inside
me and carried me over to the bed. After pulling back the
covers, he laid me on the bed where I just curled up, spent
and out of breath. When he moved away from me instead of
joining me, I let out a small cry.
“I’ll be right back. Just getting something to clean you up,
my love.” He explained.
When I opened my eyes just a crack, I saw his naked butt
going into the bathroom. He returned quickly enough with a
washcloth in hand, ready to make good on his promise.
Gently, he spread my legs and wiped at the liquid running
out of me. Then with a hand towel he had on his shoulder, he
patted me dry. My eyes closed, but I could feel a burning
behind the lids. This man really knew how to get to my heart.
The mattress behind me gave as he climbed in beside me.
At first he merely wrapped his arms around me, but then he
changed his mind and hauled me onto his chest. “I have to
tell you something,” he whispered.
My eyes shot open. This was never good. “What is it?” I
asked, trying to hide my fear.
Swallowing, he began to explain. “I have to leave early.
You may still be asleep when I go. I volunteer.” He watched
my face for a reaction.
“Is that all?” It seemed like such a small thing.
Mac swallowed. “Mostly.”
Laying my chin on his chest, I stared up into his eyes.
“And what’s the rest?”
He sighed. “Well, I think I mentioned that it’s hard being
around you and not being able to be with you.”
I tried not to blink, to not show any emotion at all, but it
was proving incredibly difficult. “Yes, I remember,” I said
evenly. In my mind I heard, here it comes. He’s breaking it off.
Just breathe.
Offering me a tentative smile, Mac continued. “I really
need to avoid you at the office. When I’m near, I want you in
my arms. So, don’t take it personally. It means nothing other
than I am incredibly weak and you are my greatest
weakness.”
I smiled. I couldn’t help it. I was his weakness. His greatest
weakness. “That’s it?”
“Yeah. That’s everything. Are we good?” He looked
almost afraid of my reaction.
Sadly, I will admit that made me feel incredibly powerful.
At least I didn’t take advantage of it. “Okay,” I mumbled.
“Can you just hold me and we can sleep now? I’m really
tired.”
Hugging me closer to his chest, he murmured, “Sleep,
sweet Jolie.” Then he rolled us until we were both on our
sides and he was the big spoon. It was my favorite position
and he knew it. No wonder I had a smile on my face as I
drifted off.
41
T he sun woke me around eight in the morning. Reaching
behind me, I searched for Mac. He wasn’t there. It took a
moment, but I remembered he had to leave, volunteering.
Sitting up, I stretched, arms high in the air, and when they
came back down to the mattress, one hit on a piece of paper.
My heart started thudding when I realized he had left me a
note, a real live note, when he could have dropped me a text.
It had the date in the corner and everything. Lying back
against the pillows, I read it.
My dearest Jolie,
Thank you for another incredible weekend. I’ll look forward to
avoiding you at the office all week. Can we make plans for next
weekend?
Mac
It was the best note I had ever read. It was mine. And I was
beginning to think he might be too.
A knock on the door interrupted my reverie. I knew it had
to be Sin. “Come in,” I called.
Sure enough, she peeked through a crack. “I heard Mac
leave this morning. He saw Ben, but I was still sleeping. The
twins had me up a lot last night.” All this she said with a
smile.
Shaking my head, I marveled at her. This was not the Sin I
was used to. Loving Ben had resulted in remarkable changes.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“Just wanted to be sure you were comfortable. You can be
a bear when you are on the rag. I have Midol if you need it,”
she commented.
“Well, I’m not on the rag, as you so delicately put it. So
you’ll have to just deal with normal Jolie.” I beamed at her.
Nothing was going to ruin my bliss this morning. “Mac left
me a note,” I explained, holding out the paper that had been
lovingly clasped to my chest moments before.
Walking over, she propped herself on the edge of the bed
and reached for my note. After reading it, she said absently,
“Nice.” Apparently she then decided it was time to get down
to business. “You’re late.”
“How could I be late?” I stared down at the paper once
again in my hands.
“You were here four weeks ago and were bleeding then.
This makes you late. Come with me,” she grumbled,
standing and tugging me out of bed. Reaching into my bag,
she pulled out my bathrobe. “Put this on.”
“Where we going?” I asked as I tightened the belt on the
robe.
“To my bathroom. Pretty sure I have at least one
pregnancy test in there. I bought a bunch when I was going
through the fertility treatments to have the twins,” she
announced.
Instantly, I started thinking. It was possible. It was even
what I had wanted a few weeks ago. Then I never imagined a
relationship, only a future with a baby. Mac had seemed like
such a viable candidate. Only now, now that there were
feelings this wasn’t how I pictured it anymore. Sin had to be
wrong. I couldn’t be pregnant. Mac would be so
disappointed. What if he stopped liking me? What if he hated
me?
Numbly, I followed her into the hall, then into her
bedroom, and finally into the bathroom where I sat down on
the toilet seat lid. Sin went to the linen closet and fumbled
around a moment before emerging with a package I’d only
seen in commercials. Lesbians don’t have a lot of need for
pregnancy tests. Or birth control. Fuck my life. What had I
been thinking on the island? Why hadn’t I been more
careful? Honestly, I knew the answer. It was a classic case of
be careful what you wish for. I wanted a baby when it felt like
there was no man in my future. Only now, I wanted Mac
more and a baby could come later.
She passed it to me and I just stared at it for a minute.
“Okay, it works best if you unwrap it,” she began, starting to
sound like the easily frustrated Sin I was more familiar with.
Snatching it back, she ripped the foil and opened it,
revealing the pee stick. She started to pass it to me when she
realized I was still in my trance. “For the love of God,” she
groaned. “Just work with me. Pee on this already.”
Standing, I gathered up the robe, lifted the toilet seat lid,
and took the stick as she handed it to me. I was almost too
scared to pee, but need overruled and soon enough I held it
in the stream and watched as it began to process. Silently, I
passed it back to Sin.
“Gee, thanks,” she muttered. “You know, I like it better
when I’m the mess and you’re talking me down. Pull
yourself together, okay?”
Nodding, I wiped and flushed, straightened the bathrobe
and walked over to the sink where the fucking pregnancy
test was doing its thing. I watched as the pee spread across
the windows. The first oval had a minus sign. The second
smaller oval had one line. “Look!” I exclaimed happily.
“Don’t get too excited yet,” Sin warned. “There needs to
be two lines in the little window before you get to celebrate.
It says give it three minutes. So far, you’ve made it a
whopping thirty seconds.” She shook her head at me.
Turning the test back toward me, I watched. Something
was happening in the big window. A line was appearing right
through the center of the minus sign. I swallowed. The
second line was appearing in the control window. By the
time it was complete, so was the plus sign. I dropped it on
the edge of the sink and stormed back to my bedroom.
Though I thought I wanted to be alone, Sin had soon
followed me.
“You’re going to want to keep this,” she said quietly,
passing me the test stick.
“Gee, thanks,” I said, mimicking her. Silently, I stared at
it.
Sitting beside me, Sin threw an arm around my shoulder.
“So, what are you going to do?”
I didn’t have an answer for her. Suddenly that was the
million dollar question. I was still mulling it over as I drove
back to San Francisco later in the day. I was still considering
it as I drove to work the next morning. The last thing I
wanted to do was see Mac. Luckily, I knew he would be
avoiding me too. We’d play that game for a week and then
he’d want to talk about making plans for the weekend.
Well, I could rule out horseback riding, or rollercoasters,
or sushi. There would be no eating raw cookie dough. And as
tense as I was, there would be no couple massages. Pregnant
chicks couldn’t have massages during the first trimester. I
learned that from watching Sin bake her babies.
So, I spent the week at work being super professional,
aloof even. I worked my normal shifts, the only difference
being more frequent trips to the restroom. Even as private as
I was, I knew I wouldn’t be able to hide my condition for
long, especially from Mac. It wasn’t right. When we finally
spoke again, I’d have to tell him.
It came as no surprise the discussion was initiated on
Friday afternoon. The office was empty. Most of the other
programmers had checked out at lunchtime and never
returned. Good for them. At the moment, I was struggling to
concentrate. I knew it was only a matter of time before Mac
sought me out. He started to sit on the corner of my desk as
he had before, but I stopped him. I knew I couldn’t have this
conversation sitting down.
“Can we take a walk?” I asked, trying to hide how
unnerved I was.
“Of course, where to?”
“Out of the office, for starters. Then, we’ll see.” I tried to
project a bright, happy, confident self, but knew I was failing
miserably.
Clearly, Mac sensed it. “What’s going on, Jolie? You seem
different. What’s bothering you?”
There was only one way I knew how to do this. I would
have to tell him like I was ripping off a Bandaid. In three…
two…one. “I’m pregnant,” I blurted out.
Mac was a silent a moment. Though he had been at my
side our entire walk, he suddenly dropped back. I whipped
around to face him.
“You’re pregnant?” He stared at me, probably watching
for my reaction. “Why do you not seem surprised?”
“Well, I’ve had a week to get used to it,” I explained
casually.
I could practically see the thousands of thoughts running
through his head. Luckily he was terrible at holding anything
in. I’d know what was on his mind soon enough.
“You had to know you were ovulating and you didn’t use
protection?” he asked. “Why didn’t you ask me to use a
condom? I’m a responsible guy. I have condoms.” He started
pacing while he spoke.
My words were barely a whisper. “I suppose it’s because I
wanted a baby.” My eyes could no longer meet his face, but I
could hear that the footsteps ceased. He had stopped in his
tracks.
“You did this on purpose? What? To trap me?” His words
stung. My head shot up and I glared at him.
“What? Why the hell would I trap you? I don’t need you. I
don’t need your money. Hell, I don’t need this job.” I
stormed back down the hall, but from the sounds of the
hurried footsteps on the floor behind me, he was hot on my
tail.
Grabbing my arm, he whipped me around. “So what? Now
you’re just a…a…”
He seemed at a loss for words, so I thought I’d help him
fill in the blank. “A whore? A tramp? Spit it out!”
His hand raked through his tousled locks. “A sperm
stealer!” he spluttered. “This was like breaking and entering.
Grand larceny!”
“Right, because your sperm is worth so much. And as I
recall, there was no breaking involved and you did the
entering.” My hands were on my hips in defiance.
“There’s breaking all right. You broke my trust.”
His words crushed me twice. I think some part of me had
hoped he had become emotionally involved, and maybe the
breaking he referred to was his heart. At least then I would
have known he had feelings for me. To discover he didn’t
reciprocate was bad enough, but knowing I had lost his trust
dealt a harsher blow than I cared to admit.
Coherent thoughts were impossible. Instead, I was all girl,
a blubbering mess. “I’m not going to apologize for wanting a
baby. I’m not asking you to take care of it or even take part
in his or her life. I never meant to break your trust, but how
could I expect anything more than this from you? It’s not
like I thought you’d ever fall in love with me.”
“You never let me love you! You constantly kept me at
arm’s length. Oh, except for my cock. And now I know why!
Still, I wanted to love you. Really, I did!”
We were in a full-blown fight now. Yelling at each other
in public, which was just what I had hoped to avoid. Still, I
couldn’t back down. Hurt fueled me and I reacted. “How
could you love me? How could anyone?” In pain, I wanted
him to hurt too. “Wanna know how many men I’ve been
with?” I asked, sneering at him.
“You’re a lesbian. I thought that number, aside from me,
would be a big fat zero.” He threw his hands up in the air.
Shaking my head, the tears began to slowly leak from my
eyes. “One. The one who made me fear all men. The one who
taught me never to trust. The one who showed me I couldn’t
be loved.”
Standing before me, his look of confusion slowly turned
to something else, a look I didn’t recognize from him. His
eyes narrowed as he closed the distance. “Your father?” he
asked quietly. It was obvious he feared my answer, worried
how broken I really was.
I let out a hollow laugh. “Oh, no. Pops was a traveling
salesman with a family in every town. Don’t worry, I learned
plenty from him too.”
He swallowed hard. I could see his Adam’s apple
struggling in his throat. “So who then? What happened to
you?”
In all these years, I’d never really told anyone, but for
some reason I was going to tell him. Did I want to frighten
him off for good? Was this another one of my efforts to
shock him? Even I didn’t know why or what I was about to
say.
“I was raped.” He stiffened. This was precisely the
reaction I never wanted from a guy I might care for. Men
want to be able to fix things. There was no repairing this. I
watched as he reached out to me. I could picture it, being
enfolded in his arms, how it would feel being pressed against
his strong chest. The sound of his heartbeat in my ears
would completely soothe me, but I wasn’t ready for that. It
had to be out, all of it, once and for all. I would try this one
time with this one man and then never again. If I couldn’t
make Mac understand, then there was no way anyone else
ever would. Taking a step back just out of reach, I knew I had
to tell him on my own, without using him as a crutch.
“Jolie?” he asked tentatively, curious as to why I wouldn’t
let him close.
“Wait. Just let me get this out.” I watched him nod, but
the hurt look on his face lingered. Taking a few deep breaths,
I started to share the secret I carried with me always, hidden
in the deepest darkest part of my soul. “It wasn’t some
stranger attacking me, but this guy I knew and had a crush
on. We went on a date one Saturday and he took more than I
offered.” Mac opened his mouth to speak, but I shook my
head and his jaw snapped shut. “I fought him,” I whispered.
“I tried to get away, to stop him. He was too big and I wasn’t
nearly as strong and tough as I am now.” The tears flowed
freely, dripping off my jaw. I swiped at them, sniffled to keep
the snot at bay.
“Of course you did, my Heaven,” he murmured. While I
cried, he had snuck in and wrapped his arms around me.
“You aren’t to blame. You must know that.”
“I was young. I didn’t know that. By Monday it was all
over the school and I was a painted as a slut who cried rape. I
never wanted anything to do with guys again.”
“Who can blame you?” he asked as he smoothed my hair
and buried my face in his chest.
“Then you came along and I wanted to get over the fear.”
“You did a fine job of it,” he said, pulling me away just
enough so he could see my face. “And I know you said you
wanted a baby, but you have to know this wasn’t the way to
do, right?” He stared at me intently, willing me to admit my
wrongs. “You can’t possibly want a baby like this. You know
what should be done.”
Stiffening, I pushed off his chest. “I’m not having an
abortion,” I spat. “And fuck you for even suggesting it.” My
arms were crossed protectively over my body. The ball was in
his court.
He pointed at me like he was going to say something,
then thinking better of it, he shook his head, turned on his
heels and walked away. For the first time since our
conversation began, I looked around, worrying over who
might have seen. As usual, we seemed to be the only ones left
in the building. I felt lost, completely bereft. Why was I still
here? I didn’t want to be here, hadn’t for a while. It was time
to go.
Walking back into the office, I headed straight for my
desk. Looking it over, I realized I didn’t really have anything
here that I couldn’t live without. Still, it was the principle of
it. How would he know I was gone if I didn’t take my things
and leave? I grabbed the only framed picture I had on my
desk, the one of me and Sin with our old VW bus from when
we first started this adventure, and stuffed it in my
voluminous purse. Then I grabbed my pens. They were all
imprinted with places we had visited. My eyes scanned the
contents of the drawer, the caddy on the top corner, even my
blotter. Nothing else mattered. Finally, I realized I didn’t
want anything else. Lifting the wastebasket that was under
my desk, I swept the only items from the top of my desk that
would fit into it. Reaching into my bag, I pulled out my badge
and laid it on the center of the blotter. This was the closure
part I should have loved. Only there was none because I still
secretly hoped that if I killed enough time, Mac would stroll
through those doors and haul me into his arms, never let me
go. The longer I waited, the less likely that ending seemed. It
had been a really long time since I had experienced this kind
of hurt. My entire adult life had been designed to avoid it.
For ten years, everything had been neat and easy. Then I
had to go and change things. Really, I should be gearing up
for my biggest move of all, but I had never done that without
Sin. It was her big move that brought us here. It was her
great love that would keep her here. I was on my own—with
a baby on the way.
Throwing my shoulders back, I walked from the office
and out of the building. There was no turning back now, even
if I changed my mind. Without my badge, there was no way
for me to get back in. Mac had suggested an abortion.
Without a change of heart, there was no way for him to get
back in either.
42
I t had been an exhausting day with the realtor, or this baby
was a little life-sucking vampire, stealing all my energy.
Actually, such an analogy was probably much closer to the
truth. On the way in from the parking lot I had stopped by
the mailbox. I rarely received anything important, so instead
of being a daily event, it had become more of a weekly
occurrence. As was often the case, I set the armload of
envelopes on the counter while I went and grabbed a drink. It
was hot outside and though I did a lousy job of taking care of
myself as I should, I was determined it never be said that I
couldn’t take care of the little one growing inside me. Then,
when I couldn’t stop yawning, I figured it might be time for
a nap, so I curled up in my lounge chair by the window and
promptly fell asleep.
There was no telling how long I might have slept, had I
not been interrupted by a series of missed phone calls that I
ignored and the incessant chime of my text messages. In my
mind, I imagined it might be Sin calling to check on me or
make suggestions for my living situation. Then the ringing
just became too much, and I gave up and opened my eyes to
check my cell. It showed seven missed phone calls and so far
three text messages from Mac. Sighing, I decided to open
them. We hadn’t spoken for days, not since I quit. Maybe he
was just upset over my abrupt departure. Maybe he had just
finally noticed. Or maybe, least likely of all, he was filled
with regret and wanted us back. My suspicions were
confirmed the moment I saw the string of messages.
Mac: What in the bloody hell?
Mac: Jolie, don’t fecking ignore me!
Mac: You may not want to talk to your former boss, but how do
you feel about talking to your husband?
With a sigh, I finally responded. His third text was too much
of an enigma for me to resist.
Jolie: I don’t have a husband. Napping. Leave me alone.
Ah, but apparently that wasn’t enough for him. He had to call
now since he knew I was awake. Sighing, I realized I never
should have responded. When would I ever learn? I let the
phone ring several times before I broke down and accepted
the call.
“What?” I asked without even attempting to hide the
frustration in my voice.
“You come off as all standoffish, but you are the worst
one yet!” he shouted.
Sitting up abruptly, I said in my most menacing voice,
“Do not raise your voice to me. What is your fucking
problem? I quit. We’re not together. There’s no reason for
you to be bothering me anymore. Got it?”
There were several loud angry sighs before he spoke
again. “Of course, darling,” he began evenly, “just as soon as
the divorce is final.”
“Yeah, well good luck with that. I always knew you would
make some woman absolutely miserable one day. I just don’t
know why you’re bothering me about it. Have a nice life.” As
soon as those words were spoken, I ended the call. There
really was nothing left for us to say to one another and I
didn’t want to be getting upset in my delicate condition.
Thinking about my baby put a smile on my face. Suddenly, I
was delicate.
My phone rang again. It was Mac.
“What the fuck, dude?” Hopefully that would wake him
up.
He sounded like an angry bull through the phone.
“Apparently we are having some sort of breakdown in
communication.”
“Well, it coincided with the breakdown in your attitude.
We speak the same language, so we can rule out language
barrier. I don’t know what your problem is, but you seriously
need to leave me alone. I don’t care about your personal life.
And I definitely don’t care about you.” I winced some as
those final words were spoken. Sadly, I did care about him.
No matter how hard I worked to forget him, I would have a
permanent reminder of him soon enough. Though I hadn’t
thought this pregnancy through, I didn’t regret it.
“I’m trying to be calm, but it’s incredibly difficult since in
addition to stealing my sperm you have now stolen my
bachelorhood.”
Leaning over in my chair, I could feel my stomach
positively rolling. Stress was not helping me. “Listen,” I said
quietly, willing the room to stop spinning. “I was wrong to
use you for a baby. I get that. But I had nothing to do with
your bachelorhood.”
“So, you didn’t get a nice manila envelope from Jamaica
today?” he questioned carefully.
Grumbling, I stood, immediately grabbing onto the back
of the chair. “I don’t know. Gimme a minute. I’ll check.”
Slowly and carefully, I made my way to the counter where I
had left the pile of mail. There was an envelope much like he
described at the bottom of the pile. Pulling it out, I checked
for the postmark and return address. It was from Jamaica all
right. While I started to open it, there was knock on my door.
“Just a sec. Someone’s at my door,” I told him.
Chuckling some and sounding much calmer, he said,
“Jolie, it’s me.”
“Oh, it’s unlocked,” I mumbled as I worked to open the
piece of mail. “Come in.”
“Why would you leave your door unlocked? Do you have
any sense at all, woman?” he demanded, sounding
frustrated. A second later, he strode through the door.
Though moments before he had been upset, aggravated, he
was now every bit the picture of a calm, cool, and collected
business man in his polo shirt and Dockers. Our eyes
connected and in an instant I was brought back to those long
hours of tantric lovemaking in our room. My heart pounded
in my chest. I could feel the heat rising in my face. Turning
my attention back to the document I was pulling from the
now open envelope along with a photograph. I recognized it
as having been taken after we signed the document from the
tantric graduation ceremony. My brow furrowed. This didn’t
make sense.
By now, Mac was right beside me. I struggled to keep him
from knowing the impact his presence had on me. It was
even more of a struggle to figure out what the hell I was
looking at.
Turning my attention to the document, I soon discovered
it was both ornate and official looking, complete with a gold
seal. The writing across the top declared it was a Marriage
Certificate. Both of our names were on it. Studying it for a
moment, I realized we had signed it. I recognized the
signature. What I didn’t understand was how it happened.
Mac was at my elbow, staring at it with me. Looking up at
him, I managed to say, “What?” Then my vision went black
and I lost my balance. Gravity tugged at me and I willingly
gave in.
Strong arms caught me. The last thing I heard was his
British accent saying, “I’ve got you.”
Only I didn’t want him to get me. I didn’t want to be his,
not now, not after those angry words we spoke at the office.
“Wanker,” I muttered. Then it was too much work to do
anything but let the darkness in.
When I opened my eyes, I was lying in the lounge chair and he
was standing over me talking on the phone. “She’s
pregnant,” he said agitatedly. “This can’t be normal. Can
you send an ambulance please?”
“I’m awake,” I grumbled. “No ambulance.”
“She says she doesn’t want one.” Mac listened for a
moment. “Can I just take her to her doctor?” Looking at me,
he warned, “It’s too late, the EMS will be here soon.”
“This is San Francisco. Soon is a long time from now.
Cancel it,” I said as I struggled to sit up. “We have bigger
worries than why I passed out.”
He looked at the ceiling. “Like what? What’s a bigger
worry than this?” He was pacing agitatedly.
“Well, how the hell we ended up married, for starters.” I
watched him for a reaction.
“Good point,” he said and gave me a thumbs-up. “Okay,
we’re taking her to the doctor. Please cancel the ambulance.
By the time they arrive, we’ll be gone. Thank you.” Then he
hung up. “Call your doctor,” he ordered.
“Pass me my phone,” I grumbled while pointing to the
counter.
“Fine.” His words were crisp. We weren’t out of the
woods yet. He was still plenty pissed.
“What’s your problem?” I asked, staring at him.
“You’re pregnant, we’re married, and you think I’m a
wanker.” He was quiet a moment before shrugging. “Yeah, I
think that about sums it up.”
“Get over it,” I mumbled. “My body, my rules, and I’ll
gladly divorce you. The last thing I want is to be married to
someone who is in love with someone else. Now stop acting
like a wanker and I won’t call you one. Problems solved.”
“In love with someone else?” Mac questioned.
I was shaking slightly. Suddenly I had no choice but to
admit something I had kept secret for weeks. “You know
how I walked into the room to pee after the ceremony. I
heard you on the phone. I tried to play it off, but I heard you
say ‘I love you’.” The words cut my heart like a knife.
“You have no idea what you heard,” he argued.
“I know you weren’t saying those words to me!” I
snapped.
“I’ll explain all of that later. Should I assume you decided
against—” he began.
Glaring at him, I warned, “Say it and I’ll pop you right in
the mouth. I never decided against it because it was never on
the table, you fecking twat.”
“Since when did you start implementing British
swearing?” he asked, seeming slightly perturbed.
“Well, I started researching it on the flight home the first
time you told me we were having a breakdown in
communication. I wanted to make sure when I was mad at
you, you knew it.” I shrugged at my explanation.
Before he could say anything else, I focused my attention
on the cell and hit the button to dial the doctor’s office. It
was still early afternoon, plenty of time to get in if she felt it
was necessary. I didn’t want him to listen in on the
conversation, so I walked into the bedroom while I spoke to
her nurse, but not before I looked at him very pointedly
when I shut the door.
When I returned a good five minutes later, he seemed
hurt. “Why do you shut me out?”
“You keep bringing up abortion. Any other stupid
questions?” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Well, what did the doctor say?” he asked, a worried look
on his face.
“Don’t worry about it. It’s none of your concern.” I glared
at him.
“None of my concern? Had I not been here, you would
have hit the floor!”
“Before you called, I was asleep. It probably wouldn’t
have happened at all!” I growled.
Shaking his head, he ran a hand through his curls.
“Bloody hell, woman. What do you want from me?”
Taking three steps closer, I waited until I was directly in
front of him before speaking. “Not a damn thing.” Then I
walked away. “I already told you that,” I griped. “I made
that clear days ago.”
“Can we just talk?” he asked.
Shaking my head, I said quietly, “Not now. I’m tired. We
can talk tomorrow. I’m going to bed. Be sure to let yourself
out.” Walking into the bedroom, I closed the door partway
and climbed into bed. Though I was troubled by the
unexpected marriage, I was more troubled by passing out.
The nurse suggested that I rest more, eat more, drink more
fluids. I was to watch for unexpected bleeding. At only six
weeks, there was not a lot they could do. My first
appointment wasn’t even until next week. Closing my eyes,
it was time to rest. I gave in without a fight, quickly drifting
off to sleep.
It wasn’t much of a rest. Once again, Mac interrupted.
When I opened my eyes, the back of his hand was on my
forehead. As I studied him, I realized his brow was furrowed
in worry. Then, I was gripped by pain, the terrible
breathtaking kind. A moan escaped my lips.
“And this is why I woke you,” he said seriously, the
concern evident. “Do you think you can walk? If not, we’ll be
going by ambulance after all.” He offered me an arm to sit
up.
The room was spinning like before. The only difference as
far as I could tell was that the pain was so much worse. Still,
I put on my tough face. It was the only face I knew. “I can
walk,” I assured him.
“Listen, hot shot, you haven’t even made it out of bed yet.
Let’s not go overestimating your abilities,” he chided me.
Taking a deep breath, I swung my feet over the side of the
bed and gradually stood. Fully erect hurt too much, but
slightly hunched over was tolerable. “Let’s go,” I said
evenly, trying desperately to hide my pain.
Sighing, he wrapped an arm around my waist. “You don’t
always have to be so tough, you know. Let your husband help
shoulder the burdens in life.”
“What are you doing?” I asked, frowning.
“Practicing. Husbands get all kinds of perks that baby
daddies don’t. I’m not leaving you.” His grip on my side
tightened. “Where’s your purse?”
“Counter.” It had only taken a couple of steps and I was
now sharing one-word responses. This sucked.
We grabbed for my purse on the way out the door. He
helped me to his car, which was parked next to my truck.
“Cute,” I mumbled.
“Yeah, they do look pretty good together.” He opened the
passenger door and helped tuck me. A second later he was
helping me hook the seatbelt.
“Didn’t have to,” I managed.
“Of course I did,” he said jovially. “It gave me an excuse
to do this.” Mac leaned in and kissed me on the lips. It was
like Valium and hope and the promise of a brighter future all
wrapped into one.
Leaning my head back, I closed my eyes and tried to
ignore the pain. This was going to be a long ride. As soon as
he was seated in the driver’s side, he reached over to hold
my hand. “You hate me.” I reminded him.
“I’ll hate you later. Right now you need me.” He gave my
hand an extra squeeze.
Mac was right. As much as I hated to admit it, I did need
him at the moment. I wouldn’t have been able to drive
myself and the fear would have been crippling without his
support.
Fifteen minutes later we were pulling up to the hospital.
We idled near the entrance while he rushed in and found a
wheelchair for me. Once I was settled into it, he said, “Stay
right here. I’ll be right back for you.”
Nodding was the best I could do for a response currently. I
was hunched over in the chair, curled around my purse. Even
though I wasn’t watching him, I could see the vehicle pulling
away. He was being so nice. Why wouldn’t he be? I was pretty
sure he was getting his way. This wasn’t normal. Sin never
went through this. I was losing my baby. The wait was taking
too long. Without Mac near, the fear had room to creep back
in and gnawed at me.
“Okay, gorgeous, let’s get you inside,” he said from
behind me. Then the wheelchair jerked and we were inside
the building, headed for the reception desk.
“My wife is pregnant,” he began. “She fainted and now
she’s in pain.”
“You have to go up to the maternity center,” the kindly
woman at the desk announced. She then gave Mac
directions, but I was too busy feeling sorry for myself to pay
attention. My head was in my hand.
Suddenly we were moving again, Mac steering the
wheelchair in a way that could only be described as defensive
driving, and my body sloshing around inside. “Are you
okay?” he asked, his voice filled with concern.
Shaking my head, I struggled to hold back tears. Opening
my eyes, I realized we were in front of the elevators. Once
they opened, he pushed us inside, hit the button for the
floor, and stepped in front of me, squatting at eye level.
“Jolie, where has my Heaven gone?” he asked sadly.
“Don’t worry. This is all going to be just fine.”
I knew he was trying to reassure me, but it rubbed me
entirely the wrong way. “Of course it is,” I snapped. “I’m
losing this baby. You win.” Then the tears started. I was so
mad because I couldn’t have looked more pathetic and I
hated it, detested feeling weak. This was the most important
task I had ever requested out of my body and it was failing
miserably.
Mac sat back on his heels. “You think I want this?” he
asked weakly.
“You made it abundantly clear you didn’t want this
baby.” The pain of speaking was excruciating, but the pain of
holding back what I wanted to say was a different kind of
hurt altogether.
Shaking his head, “I should have talked to you. I should
have explained.” He stood and turned away from me.
“Tell me now. Explain it now,” I urged.
The doors opened for our stop and he pushed me to the
maternity center desk. “Once we get settled,” he said quietly.
I nodded while studying him. He was hiding something. It
was big. I could feel it.
Soon enough we were checked in and immediately moved
to a room. A nurse had asked me to pee in a cup while I
changed into the hospital gown.
“Let me help you,” Mac said.
I considered it for half a second. I could lose my balance,
but ultimately it just seemed awkward to me. “You’ll help me
pee? Pass.”
So I went into the bathroom and worked as quickly as I
could, fearing each moment that passed was critical. The
doors weren’t thick enough. In the room, I could hear him
making conversation with the young pretty nurse who was
supposed to be taking care of me, not flirting with my
accidental husband. By the time I had finished, my blood was
boiling. “Are you my nurse or a tech?” I asked as I handed
her the specimen.
“I’m your nurse,” the perky little thing said with a smile.
Shaking my head, I said, “Wrong. You were my nurse. Get
me someone else.” She opened her mouth and I suspected
that she was about to argue with me. “Now.” Apparently she
now thought better of it because she rushed from the room
without looking back. In her absence, I began to breathe
better. Sitting on the bed, I used the controls to raise it until
I was at about a forty-five degree angle. With the pillow, I
was almost comfortable until Mac came and sat in the chair
beside me.
“You didn’t have to do that.” His words were almost a
whisper.
Turning to look at him, I argued, “Oh, yes I did.”
“I was just trying to be nice. I’m nervous. Okay?”
“Be nervous, Mac, but the only person you need to be nice
to right now is me,” I growled under my breath before
adding, “and you’re doing a poor job of it.”
He threw his hands up in the air, but before he could
speak, there was a knock and a new nurse walked in. She had
to be pushing fifty and had a decidedly grandmotherly
appearance. “Hello, my name is Diane. I’ll be your nurse,”
she announced. She wasn’t perky. She was perfect, right
down to the part where she reminded me of my mother.
What I wouldn’t give to have her here now. She would have
helped me get through all this. We didn’t need men. How
many times a day did she remind me of that truth?
Soon my medical history was recorded, my blood pressure
was taken, some blood was drawn, and an ultrasound was
ordered. When it seemed clear that we had a few moments
alone, Mac spoke again. “I need to tell you something.”
My eyes opened to meet his. Gah. I was completely
powerless against them. “What?” I asked, my tone still
harsh. Instantly, I regretted it. Wincing, I struggled to
explain. “Sorry. Pain makes me cranky.” It was as close as he
was going to get to an admission of guilt. He’d better take it.
Apparently my words had worked. A smile danced around
the corners of his lips. His eyes were trained on me and me
alone. My heart wished I didn’t like it so much. Finally, he
moved to sit at the end of my bed and I found myself tucking
my feet some to accommodate him.
“I don’t know how to explain everything other than to
simply say it, spit it out. Just…give me a minute, hear me
through before questioning me, please.” He stared at me
with a pleading look. I nodded. “I’m rich.”
I sighed. So far, this bored me. Money was of little
interest to me ever. Of course, it helped that I had so much.
“I’m not saying this right.” He paused and pulled on his
lip while he thought. “I grew up with a title and old money
and expectations. It was like wearing a target on my back my
whole life. Then, at Oxford, it was worse.” He frowned.
“Women were desperate for husbands. Mostly, I refused to
date, refused to party, simply refused to participate in my
own demise.”
“How noble of you.” Then I clapped a hand over my
mouth, truly disappointed in my behavior.
His scathing smile said it all. “Then one night, while
eating by myself in a pub, I met a waitress. She made me
believe she wanted nothing from me, nothing at all. She
pretended not to know me, who I was. It was wonderful just
getting to be, having zero expectations thrust upon me. Then
it all changed.” He took a deep breath. “She told me she was
pregnant, asked me if I was going to do the right thing.” He
looked into my eyes for a reaction. “Say something.”
I was struggling to stay calm, to not react, to give him no
reason to clam up and not finish speaking. “Finish the
story,” I said simply.
Nodding, he looked down at his hands. “I never suggested
an abortion.” I stiffened. “I liked this woman a lot. I thought
to do the right thing. I was twenty years old, on my own for
the first time. So, I told my father I planned to marry her.”
He played with his hands a moment, studied his cuticles.
“My father found out through a private detective that she
had poked holes in all the condoms in her nightstand. She
knew who I was. I was humiliated in front of him, crushed by
her actions, disheartened.” Finally, he looked me in the eye.
“And when I spoke to her, confronted her, she told me she’d
go to the papers if I refused to wed. In the end, she had my
son. I left the country after agreeing to pay child support. As
Liam has grown, I’ve maintained contact by phone.”
“The call.” It wasn’t another woman. It was his son he
was talking to that afternoon. Shaking my head, I sighed. “I
never would have guessed you were talking to your child.
You’re only twenty-five!”
“Yes, and you’re twenty-nine. What of it?” He took my
hands in his. “I just need you to understand why I’ve been
behaving so badly.”
Sadly, I noted, “You thought I was just like her.” Shaking
my head, I knew I had to let it go. His story made me want to
tell him something really personal too. There was really only
one big secret I had left. Swallowing hard, I said quietly,
“Henrietta.”
“What?” he asked, suddenly confused.
“The ‘h.’ It stands for Henrietta.” I could barely look at
him. Thankfully, we were interrupted.
The door opened and the ultrasound was wheeled in.
“Let’s see what’s going on inside you,” the tech said.
My bed was laid back, the side lowered, and Mac moved to
where he was able to hold my hand and see the screen. “You
know that this baby is going to look like a kidney bean,
right? I saw Sin’s and there’s not much to look at right
now.” He just squeezed my hand and smiled. I wanted to be
hopeful, but the pain was worsening. I wasn’t sure how
much longer my body could take it.
Soon the warm gel was squirted onto the transducer.
“Sorry,” the tech explained. “We have to go in through your
vagina. It’s too soon to see the other way.”
“Of course,” I murmured, putting on my bravest face.
She inserted the wand and started moving it around. The
pain had me crawling up the bed. “Hurts?” she asked.
Biting my bottom lip, I nodded. It was taking everything
in me not to cry. Mac leaned over me and kissed my forehead
while smoothing back my hair. I wanted to burrow into his
neck, inhale his scent, and just revel in the closeness, but I
needed to see the screen and it was on the other side.
Just then, the door opened once more and a doctor strode
into the room. “How does it look?” he asked the tech. She
simply shook her head.
“What does that mean?” I asked, inhaling sharply.
“Allow me,” the doctor said. He switched places with the
tech and was soon controlling the wand.
While he worked he didn’t speak, which was incredibly
unnerving. Somehow, Mac knew. He hovered around me,
snuggled near, offered constant squeezes. Then when I
thought I was going to lose it while waiting, he whispered in
my ear, “I’m not leaving you. We’re in this together.”
Honestly, I wanted to believe him. Only if there was no
baby, there was no need for him to stick around. Maybe that
was for the best.
Removing the transducer, the doctor cleaned it up and
finally spoke to us. “Well, it looks like an ectopic
pregnancy.”
“And how do we treat it?” I asked, even as I suspected the
worst.
“It’s already ruptured. We need to do surgery,
immediately. I’ll see to it you get prepped and we secure an
OR.” He paused. “Any questions?”
We looked at each other numbly before turning back to
him and shaking our heads. The doctor then stood, shook
our hands, and left the room. I was not sure either of us
knew what to say or do now. Finally, I broke the silence.
“You can go,” I said. “We have a diagnosis. And there’s
no baby. So you can leave. There’s no reason for you to hang
around.” I shrugged, even as the brave face began to crack.
Mac looked at me for a moment, his mouth open like he
was about to speak, but no words came out. Instead, he put
the side rail on the bed down and climbed in behind me. He
wrapped his legs around me and pulled me back so I was
lying against his chest. When his arms were settled on my
arms and his face was beside my face, he said, “I’m not
leaving you. We’re in this together. I’m going to take care of
you, get you anything you need.” He paused for a moment.
“Do you need anything?”
Tears ran down my face. Gah. Lately I was a crying mess.
Stupid hormones. “I need my phone,” I whimpered.
He reached for it on the table, just beyond my reach. Just
as he was about to pass it to me, he asked, “Are you sure you
don’t want me to talk to her?”
My eyes widened. “Actually, I kinda do. Will you call?”
Pressing me closer, he murmured, “Sure.” Then he slid
his finger across the screen to open my phone and selected
from my recent calls. I receive so few calls, I knew Sin would
be toward the top. He touched the screen to call her. I could
hear it ringing before he put it to his ear. “Hullo, Sin,” Mac
began quietly.
I could tell she was worried from the shrill tone of voice.
Shrinking lower in the bed, my eyes began to water. In truth,
I wasn’t strong enough to have this conversation.
“Listen,” he said calmly, “Jolie is in the hospital. It’s
about the pregnancy. Ectopic. It ruptured the tube. She’s
about to go into surgery.” Then he relayed the hospital
information. After listening to her for a moment, he
murmured, “I’ll let her know.” After ending the call, he held
me closer. “Sin sends her love. She’s making arrangements
for the twins and then she’s on her way.”
“Call her back. Tell her not to come,” I whimpered. Now I
was messing up her life too.
Shaking his head, he refused my request. “You don’t
mean that. You need her, just like you need me.”
Now it was my turn to shake my head, even as I turned
and buried my face in his chest. “I don’t need you. I hate
you.” Sniffling harder to cover my lies.
“Right. I hate you too,” he whispered in my ear. “Always
and forever.”
Half an hour later, I was being wheeled to pre-op. An IV
was started. Mac was by my side for all of it, holding my
hand.
“Time to go,” a masked nurse told us.
“Just one moment,” Mac requested, running his free
hand through his messy brown locks. Then he turned his
attention to me.
My hair was hidden with a blue hospital issued cap. I
wasn’t wearing any jewelry or makeup. Fear had turned me
pale, despite our recent beach trip. The scared part of me
wanted to cling to him, while the strong standoffish part
wanted to push him far away where he could never hurt or
disappoint me again. “Remember what I said earlier?” I
asked. “You know, in the room.”
Smiling down at me, he nodded. “I remember. How could
I ever forget?” His eyes simply shined their glorious blue
that I would now associate with the color of the ocean on our
trip.
“I didn’t mean it,” I tried to explain. If things went badly,
I didn’t want him to think I really did hate him.
“Yes you did. Don’t worry. I love you too. And I’ll be
waiting here when you wake up.” Mac gave my hand an extra
squeeze and leaned down to kiss me.
“That’s not what I said!” I exclaimed, raising my arm in
protest, struggling to sit up on the gurney.
Laughing, he smirked. “No, but it is what you meant.”
It was impossible to argue with him. As they wheeled me
away, I let my hand drop. He was right. I loved him. Dammit.
43
H ours later, I woke in recovery. The lights were low and the
moment my eyes began to focus, I realized there was a nurse
hovering nearby, recording my vitals. When she saw me
glancing about, she came to my side.
“Can I get you anything?” she asked gently.
Shaking my head, I sighed. All I wanted was Mac and our
baby. Given the circumstances, without the baby, I doubted I
could have him either. I didn’t want to face him, didn’t want
to suffer one more crippling loss today. “Sin?” I murmured.
“Is she here?” I was almost afraid to get my hopes up.
“She’s here and your husband has been about losing his
mind waiting for you to wake up.” She smiled at me warmly.
My heart was in my throat. I wanted to see him. More
than anything, I wanted to curl up in his arms, bury my face
in his neck, and finally release all these pent-up tears.
Maybe if I could just let go of all the pain, I could finally have
the life I wanted. If that life still wanted me. Too much of a
coward to discover the truth, I went with the safe bet. “Can
you get Sin for me?”
“Of course.” The nurse nodded. She didn’t even question
why I wasn’t asking for Mac. It could be she was used to this
happening, women who just wanted their best friends, their
moms, their sisters, instead of sharing their sorrow with
their spouse.
Lying there, I kept swallowing back my tears. This had
seemed simple. Get over my fear of penis to make a baby.
Maybe I’d enjoy doing it. I never expected to fall in love. I
never planned on marrying. Hell, I hadn’t even considered
much about getting pregnant after I started getting to know
him. This was such a royal cluster fuck.
Before I could wallow in self-pity for too long, Sin was
striding through the doors, headed for me, arms
outstretched. Seeing her was all it took for the dam to break.
Soon I was hiccupping and crying all at once.
“Oh, girl.” She sighed into my hair as she sat down on the
bed with me. “I’m so sorry. I know how much you wanted
this.” I nodded my head. “And I see you took note of my
experiences.”
Leaning back in confusion, I studied her face to see her
smirking back at me. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Oh, just that Mac is out there, claiming to be your
husband so he can come in here.” She chuckled. “He’s really
cute, actually.”
“We’re really married, actually.” I bit my lower lip as I
watched her reaction.
“What?” she shrieked. “How could you get married
without telling me? Without inviting me?” She stood and
paced around the bed, her mouth covered with the back of
her hand.
“It was an accident!” I struggled to explain. “You are the
last person I would ever hurt. Sin, say something!”
Turning to look at me with her hands on her hips, she
asked, “How does someone accidentally get married?” The
disbelief was obvious.
“We thought it was a ceremony for completing the tantric
sex seminar. We didn’t know what we were signing. They
never said anything about a wedding or man and wife, or any
of that. We just found out when the certificate arrived in the
mail…today.” My tears, which had started to dry up, began to
flow freely once again. “He hates me. I stole his
bachelorhood.” I hiccupped. “And his sperm.” Rubbing at
my nose, I scowled. “I can’t see him right now. I need to be
stronger before we speak, before he asks me for a divorce,
before I face everything I’ve lost. Please, Sin. Please help
me.”
Her shoulder rose in a frozen shrug. “What can I do? How
can I help you? I can’t make the pain go away. Only time can
do that. Only healing will make that possible.”
“Take me away,” I whispered. “Get me out of here. Help
me run away like I always did with you.” Staring at her,
pleading with my eyes, I waited for her response.
Sighing, she frowned. “For the record, I think this a
terrible idea.” She growled under her breath. “You would
have talked me into staying. You did with Ben. I’m afraid
you’ll regret this.”
Shaking my head, I promised, “Never.”
“Then let’s get you dressed. Once you’re ready, I’ll send
him to go get you flowers or something. While he’s doing
that, we’ll make our escape.” Sin watched my face. I was
busy drying my tears. “We’re only going as far as the
vineyard. You know that, right? I’m a wife and mother. I
can’t run away anymore. You’re the one who taught me to
stay.” She hugged me close. “I know you’ve never asked
before. It’s always been about me. When you clipped my
wings, you were right. It’s your turn.”
Fifteen minutes later, we were heading out of the
hospital. Sin, true to her word, had suggested that Mac kill
time before seeing me by picking up something in the gift
shop. Even though I was the least superficial person I knew,
for some reason, he bought it. The moment he disappeared
down the elevator, Sin rushed back in to get me and we made
our daring escape. Or maybe it just seemed daring to me.
Once I was sitting in her car, Sin asked, “Want to stop by
your apartment and get some clothes?”
Really, I didn’t. What if he caught on? What if he showed
up? Shaking my head, I announced, “Nah. It’s time for me to
get some new clothes. We should take the twins shopping
tomorrow. Aunt Jolie has some spoiling to do.” Then I
realized the drugs were starting to wear off. “We do,
however, need to get these scripts filled.”
We dropped the prescriptions off at the nearest drive thru
pharmacy. Then we headed to a Starbucks nearby for a hot
chocolate in my search for comfort. After just a few sips, I
knew it wasn’t going to have its usual therapeutic effects.
Once we had picked up the pain meds and antibiotic and I
had consumed my first dose, Sin broke the silence.
“Jolie, he won’t leave you alone for long. You should have
seen him while you were in surgery.” She glanced over at me
while she drove, probably trying to see if I was listening.
“You may be accidentally married, but he really loves you.
He was positively inconsolable. He was worried about you, he
was broken hearted over losing the baby.”
Whipping around in my seat, I regretted it immediately,
wincing in pain. “He didn’t want the baby,” I growled. “He
doesn’t want me either.”
Shaking her head, she frowned. “I don’t think it’s that.
Mac wanted to choose. He wanted to plan. He’s like you.”
She was quiet a moment before she murmured, “He’s perfect
for you.”
Tears welled up in my eyes. “I thought he was. I just don’t
know how to do this. I don’t know how to be with anyone.”
“Aw, girl. Don’t cry. I used the last of my tissues on you
the day you puked. I never need it, so I haven’t replaced it.
I’m not much of a crier myself.” Sin looked at me sideways.
I giggled. I couldn’t help myself. “Right.”
“Get some rest. It’s a long drive. I’ll wake you when we
arrive.”
“So I can go to bed?” I teased. It was closing in on eight at
night. The sun had set while I was in recovery.
“Exactly.” Then she reached over and squeezed my hand
affectionately.
I held on like my life depended on it. Then I fell asleep.
When the car stopped, I woke up. Again, I forgot I’d just
had surgery and moved too quickly to sit up in my seat. “Ow.
Dammit.” After glancing around, I commented, “We’re
here.”
“Yeah. And your phone has been going nuts. I may have
peeked.”
“Mac?” I asked. For someone who was running away, I
sure was hoping he had called.
“Of course. I’m with you. Who else?” She looked at me
like I was completely daft.
Frowning, I scowled. “I could have other friends. Like
from work or something.” Now I was really grasping.
“Seriously? You mostly hate people.” She looked up at the
front of the house. When I followed her gaze, I realized that
everyone had assembled at the door. Ben was there, looking
concerned, wringing his hands. George and Lucy were
watching for us.
“What? The twins couldn’t make it?” I grumbled.
“Way past their bedtime.” She explained. “But this is
kind of my point. Everyone up there cares about you. Stop
being grumpy. Stop pushing away those who just want to
love you. When you were younger, it was your affect. It was
kinda cool your whole ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude. The
problem is you should be past that. You’re almost thirty and
now you just look bitter.” Sin pulled the hair away from my
face and tucked it behind my ear. “You’re too beautiful to be
so angry.” Then she turned to me with those incredible eyes
and started to belt out the chorus of “Let it Go” from Frozen,
complete with sweeping gestures.
I couldn’t help myself. I laughed and then doubled over in
pain. “Stop it, you crazy bitch,” I muttered.
“Love you too!” Then she bolted from the car before I
could punch her in the shoulder like I normally would.
Just as I reached for the door, it opened. From the dark, a
hand reached down to help me out of the vehicle. As soon as
I was clear of the roof, I realized I was being hauled into
Mac’s arms. I wanted to protest, wanted to push him away,
but instead, I started crying into his shirt. He let me. So I
sobbed for our loss, for the distance between us, for all the
love I wanted to give him, but was afraid to show. While I
did, he held me close and murmured sweet words meant to
comfort me.
“I know, my sweet love. I hurt too. We’ll get through this.
Together.”
Those were some of the scariest words of all. How could
we be together? Oh, but first I had to understand something
else. “How did you get here?” I turned and glared at Sin, who
was standing on the top step, wrapped in Ben’s embrace. “I
thought you had been sent off to get me flowers.” Sin tried
to look innocent, but she was doing a really poor job of it.
“I figured it had to be code. You told me to never bring
you flowers.” He lifted my chin, forcing me to look into the
only set of eyes I could ever get lost in, be completely
mesmerized by. “So, I ran a few errands and came straight
here. I guessed you needed some time away and I needed us
to be together. Ta da!” He smiled, demonstrating he was
obviously proud of himself.
“Ta da,” I said flatly. “What if I needed time away from
you?”
“Now why would you possibly want that?” Mac laughed.
“You need me, Henrietta Jolie MacIntyre.”
Instantly, I stiffened. “I hate that name.”
“MacIntyre? Nah. It’s perfect for you.” Clearly he was
feeling playful. Just as quickly, his tone turned serious. “It’s
time you stopped running for once. You need roots.” He was
slowly walking me over to his car. The window was down and
I could see something in the passenger seat. He pulled out a
potted calla lily.
“No flowers,” I reminded him.
“It’s not a flower unless you cut it and stick it in a vase.
This is clearly a plant. Roots, soil, all that.”
“So what are you saying? And who said I’m changing my
name? If I was about to do that, don’t you think I’d have lost
Henrietta long ago?” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Fine. Don’t change your name. But you do need to
change your address.” He completely relinquished his hold
on me to lean into his car. When he pulled back out, he was
holding a sleepy looking puppy.
“What’s that?” I asked, pointing.
“It’s our dog. Well, it will be. Right now it’s just our
puppy.” He smiled at me and made the puppy wave. He
buried his face behind the dog and made it talk. “Will you be
my mommy?”
Mac was being so cute, I chuckled. Still, I was exhausted.
We had to speed this conversation up so I could get some
sleep. “Is this a marriage proposal?”
He made a face. “No. We’re already married. This is more
of a proposition.”
My eyes rolled. “And just what are you propositioning?” I
was growing more impatient. Mac noticed and gestured to
George, still waiting on the stairs.
Immediately, the man rushed toward us and took the
puppy. “We have a kennel in the garage,” he explained as he
started to walk away.
“Thank you, George,” Mac responded as he scooped me
into his arms. “What were we talking about? Ah, the
proposition. Well, it’s about life.”
Exhaustion was setting in. I couldn’t help but drop my
head on his shoulder. “What about it?” I asked as I stifled a
yawn.
Mac looked down at me seriously. “I want you to build
one with me. Let’s have a dog and a plant and a house.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “No babies?”
There was a sadness around his eyes. Maybe he was as
upset as Sin had suggested. “Of course, babies. When your
body is healthy again. When your heart is healed. When
we’re ready.”
My chin dropped. Fear set in. “What if I can’t have a
baby? It’ll be harder with one tube.”
Mac kissed my temple fiercely, his lips lingering before he
spoke again. “Then we adopt. Or we do IVF. Or we hire a
surrogate. You tell me.”
I was quiet for a moment, thinking as we headed into the
house. As soon as we hit the first step, everyone scattered.
Once inside the door, I discovered the kennel had been
brought into the foyer and the puppy was inside. In the light
I could tell it was a Bernese Mountain Dog. It was positively
beautiful. I wanted to snuggle it and bury my face in the fur,
but I played it off. “Where’d you find this guy?”
“Girl. And she was up for adoption at the shelter. I
volunteer there once a month. This is the first time I’ve ever
adopted one, though. Just picked her up on the way here.
There are so many beautiful dogs needing a home.” He stuck
his finger through the cage door and was rewarded with a
lick.
“She is kinda cute. Bet she’s high maintenance. Look at
all that hair.” I had to find the dark side. Being excited was
scary.
Mac didn’t even flinch. “Nope. I took a quiz. She was a
perfect match for our lifestyle.”
Our lifestyle. I shivered. “You took a quiz. I don’t believe in
them. I don’t believe in perfect matches.” I crossed my arms
over my chest as I stepped away from the kennel.
Standing up, Mac moved to my side. His hands were on
my biceps as he spoke. “Look at us. How can you say that? I
know for a fact we are perfect for each other. No quiz
needed.”
Making a face, I rolled my eyes. “How can you say that?
We fight all the time.”
Smiling at me, he explained, “We have strong
personalities and challenge each other.”
I frowned. “We have nothing in common.”
Letting go of me, he prepared to tick off his list. “Are you
kidding me? We love Mini Coopers, we share the same first
name, we are computer geeks, entrepreneurs, adventurers,
and our chemistry is off the charts.” His exasperation was
obvious. “Hell, the list of our differences is probably shorter.
In fact, only a few obvious ones come to mind. For example,
you have boobs.”
Laughing, I muttered, “Barely.”
Throwing his hands in the air, he exclaimed, “What? Are
you kidding me? They’re perfect! You’re perfect to me.”
It was too much. I was exhausted. Moving a few feet, I sat
on the stairs. “Sweet-talk me all you want, I still don’t plan
to come back to the office. I hate that job.”
Mac sighed. “If you don’t want to work together, that’s
fine. I just want you to be happy, and be with me. What do
you want to do? Or maybe you need to spend some time
doing nothing?” He came and sat down beside me, took my
hand in his.
“I suck at doing nothing,” I began quietly. “I need for my
life to be different. Maybe I could try helping people. There’s
something I’d really like to try building,” I admitted shyly.
Studying me intently, Mac asked, “What’s that?”
Admitting my feelings and my needs was always so scary.
It was time to trust. Taking a deep steadying breath, I spoke,
“Families. I want to help people become families. I needed
that. There are so many kids who need good homes. Hard
cases. Tough luck.” Then I looked down, unable to meet his
eyes.
“I can see that. I like that. We’re already a family, you
know.” His words warmed me. I didn’t realize how much I
wanted it until he gave it to me. “One crazy family,” he
continued. “You, me, and…” He gestured to the kennel a few
feet away.
“Lucy. Her name is Lucy,” I said with certainty.
Giving my hand a squeeze, Mac leaned over and kissed my
cheek. “Perfect. Lucy it is. She’ll be my Lucy in the sky with
diamonds. And you, you’re my Heaven.”
EPILOGUE
“J olie, my angel, my love, my little piece of Heaven,” Mac
whispered in my ear.
“What do you want?” I asked while slowly opening one
eye. Lucy was standing with her front feet on the bed.
Tongue hanging out, eager to connect with my face. Her
puppy breath was long gone and the odor was unmistakable.
Sitting on the bed beside me, he started rubbing my hip.
“It’s eight am,” he announced. “You said if I woke you up
nicely you’d have a surprise for me.”
Rolling slightly, I opened both eyes and trained them on
him. He was far too perky. “You really are just a big
overgrown man child, aren’t you?” I asked, the disgust
evident in my voice.
“And you are really not a morning person.”
He was about to pout. I could feel it. “Seriously. I said
nice. Where’s the nice?” I whined. If anyone were going to
pout, it would be me.
Pointing to the nightstand, Mac waited until I carefully
followed his finger and saw the breakfast tray sitting there.
Clamping a hand over my mouth, my eyes widened as I
studied it. “I made you tea!” Mac exclaimed proudly. “And
there’s toast, lightly buttered, just like you’ve been eating
for weeks.”
My stomach rolled inside and I could feel bile rising in my
throat. Raising my finger in the universal sign for ‘wait a
minute,’ I tried to lay super still and not anger the beast.
Finally, when I was confident that opening my mouth
wouldn’t result in me hurling, I spoke. “I can’t believe I let
you impregnate me again.”
“Let?” he joked. “You begged for it.” Then he did
something that never failed to bring a smile to my face, he
mimicked me. “Mac, you’re so hot. I must have your love
baby.”
Giggling some, I admitted, “Okay, I wanted this baby, but
I don’t recall the conversation going like that at all.”
“Pregnancy brain,” he said with a shrug. “Gotta be.”
“Right, because you would never exaggerate?”
“Exactly. Now eat and gimme my surprise,” he ordered. It
was hard to take that edict seriously when he punctuated it
with a wink.
“I wanted hot chocolate,” I moaned.
“Yes, but your stomach won’t tolerate it until bed time,”
he reminded me.
Looking at him sideways, I mumbled, “I can still want it.”
“I’ll make it for you then. Promise.”
“Well, that was easy.” Then I gave him my best evil laugh
that soon turned into a cough and had him shoving a mug of
tea under my nose.
“Drink this before you puke on the sheets,” he urged.
Lucy had given up and was sitting, tail beating the floor, just
waiting for me to get up and pet her.
After I had the mug in hand, he reached over to the tray
and grabbed a slice of toast. It actually smelled kind of good
to me this morning. Tentatively, I accepted the corner he fed
me by taking a small nibble. Tilting my head to the side, I
assessed my body’s reaction. Huh. Sitting up slowly, I took
the rest of the slice from his hand and started eating it.
Seconds later, I realized my mistake. Throwing back the
covers and shoving him out of the way, I dashed past our
dog, and rushed to the bathroom to rid my stomach of the
offending contents. Soon enough I was empty again.
“Sorry!” I exclaimed, thoroughly embarrassed. While I was
sick, he had herded Lucy out the door before returning to my
side.
“My Heaven,” he murmured as he rubbed my back and
held my hair. “I’m sorry you are so sick.”
Sitting down on the cool tile floor, I looked up at him.
“Totally worth it this time, I hope.” I held out a hand for him
to help me up. When he did, he hauled me against him.
“You know, in a few more months this is going to be
much more challenging.” He smiled down at me lovingly.
“What? Helping me off the floor?” I pretended to be
offended and punched him playfully in the shoulder.
“Ow,” he mumbled as he rubbed his wound. “No, I meant
hugging you. And baby makes three.”
When Mac said that, it reminded me of his surprise.
“Oh!” Then I rushed into the bedroom to grab my tea. A few
sips later and my stomach had settled nicely. “Time for your
surprise.”
His mushy look was quickly replaced with one of
anticipation. His eyes widened. He wore a childlike grin. In
that instant, my heart grew and my attitude softened. This
man was mine, forever. “Where are we going?” he asked as
he pulled his keys out of his pocket and waved them in the
air. “I’m ready. Get dressed!” He started to walk to my closet
to find me something to wear, but my laughter stopped him.
“You know how I tell you all the time that you get so
focused on work that you miss everything right under your
nose?”
Nodding, Mac looked at me blankly. “Did I miss
something?” He started looking around the room to see what
it was he should have noticed.
Chuckling, I motioned for him to follow me. “This way,
big guy.”
“You’re only wearing panties. I’d follow you anywhere.”
We walked out the bedroom and down the hall with Lucy
hot on our heels after I gave her a few affectionate pats. We
passed the room we had designated for the nursery. I heaved
a happy sigh, confident this time we’d make it. I was already
nearing the second trimester.
“Where are we going?” he asked.
“You’ll see,” I said as I grabbed the handle for the
previously unused bedroom. Slowly, I opened the door and
stepped aside, gesturing for him to enter.
Mac walked through the door with a curious look. The
walls, previously white, had been painted a soft blue. There
was a twin bed that looked like a castle complete with Mike
the Knight bedding. Above the bed was a sign. Welcome to
Castle Liam. He walked to the closet, which was filled with
clothes I had picked out. The dresser had everything a
growing boy could need. A toy chest held more treasures.
“What’s this? I don’t understand.” He shook his head. I
could see the hope in his eyes along with the fear that he was
going to be disappointed once more.
“Go to the desk,” I suggested. “There’s some paperwork
for you to sign. A messenger will be coming to pick it up in
about thirty minutes. You better hurry.” Then I leaned
against the doorway to watch his reaction.
Striding over to the desk, he leaned over and read through
the official looking papers. “Custody?” he asked. “We can
have Liam?” I heard his breath catch in his throat.
“Yes,” I said as I prepared to explain. “As you suspected,
she really wanted you, not a child. He was meant as a trap,
but you love him and want him, even if you don’t love or
want his mother. I think discovering that you were married
and expecting a baby with your wife was her turning point. It
didn’t take much to convince her to give up custody.”
Mac gripped the edges of the desk to steady himself. “You
did this? You did all this?” He looked about the room. Tears
were forming.
It was more than my hormonally imbalanced body could
take. Walking over to him, I set the mug on the desk and
wrapped my arms around him. “Say something. Are you mad
that I did this behind your back? Did I break your trust? What
are you thinking?” Then I turned him to look at me, staring
deeply into his gorgeous eyes once more.
In an instant, he had wrapped his arms around me and
hugged me tightly. “Would an angry man hug you like this?”
“Eh, maybe. You have done some really strange things
since I’ve known you, Henry MacIntyre.” I laughed quietly at
my own joke.
“You don’t mind raising some other woman’s child?” he
asked with our foreheads together, staring intently in my
eyes.
Shrugging, I teased. “I figure I already am. What’s one
more?”
His eyes narrowed. “Who are you already raising?”
“You!” I shouted as I rushed from the room. Lucy yipped
playfully and trotted behind me.
As always he was hot on my heels, but this time, it was
part of the plan. I ran to the nursery, threw open the door
and stopped in the center of the room.
Mac followed me in and scooped me up. “You are terrible,
my love.” He kissed my forehead, my cheek, my lips, and
started trailing little kisses down my neck, stopping only
when he reached my nipple. Soon he had it in his mouth.
“Ahem.” My distraction worked. He paused and I
squirmed out of his arms. “Look,” I urged as I gestured
around the room.
Suddenly, he realized I had finished this room too. The
walls were pale pink and there were gray chevron sheets and
comforter for the crib bedding, and one accent wall. On it
were letters spelling out our daughter’s name, Chloe Grace.
“This room is beautiful, but shouldn’t you make sure we’re
having a girl first?”
“Oh, we are,” I announced proudly.
“We are? You’re sure?” He lifted me up into his arms.
Nodding, I explained, “The results came back from the
genetic testing. We’re having a healthy baby girl.”
Lifting me higher, he kissed my belly. “Can’t wait to meet
you, Chloe. Daddy loves you.” He lowered me until we were
eye to eye. “And daddy loves mommy too. You’ll never
understand how much.” His words hit me in the heart, just
where they really mattered. “Oh, Jolie, please don’t cry!”
Tears streamed down my face. “I never thought I’d have
this. Love you more.” I squeezed him before shoving away
and leaving the room.
“Where you going?” he asked bewildered. “I’m feeling
rather feisty.”
“I can tell. Now go sign your papers, feisty man. The
messenger will be here soon. I’m going to shower before we
leave for the airport.” I walked away, waiting for the next
question. I still loved torturing him.
“Wait. Airport?” His footsteps followed me into the hall.
I didn’t even look back. “We have to pick up Liam just
before two this afternoon. It was a thirteen-hour flight, but
he didn’t have to get on the plane until ten am in London.”
“But I didn’t even sign the papers!” he exclaimed.
“Eh, it was set up as a visit. Now he just won’t go back. No
worries.” I smiled at him just before walking into the
bedroom.
“You know, this accidental marriage is the best thing
that’s ever happened to me!” he shouted down the hall.
Peeking out the door, I admitted, “Me too.”
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ABOUT EMMA NICHOLS
What made her decide to be a romance author?
Simple.
How else was she going to parlay her two favorite past
times into a career?
Emma is single and loving it. Like her first character,
Alysin, Sin for short, she doesn't believe in settling or in
settling down. She loves to indulge in her passions whenever
the mood strikes and enjoys keeping all of life's cliché
moments spicy.
Known for her sense of humor, Emma surrounds herself
with friends whose antics often become the source of book
fodder. Her ideal situation would be to explore the Caribbean
while writing. She pursues that dream daily.
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