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Rating:
Not Rated
Archive Warning:
No Archive Warnings Apply
Category:
F/M
Fandom:
原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
Relationship:
Albedo (Genshin Impact)/Reader
Characters:
Sucrose (Genshin Impact), Klee (Genshin Impact), Jean
(Genshin Impact), Kaeya (Genshin Impact), Reader,
Albedo (Genshin Impact), Diluc (Genshin Impact), Lisa
(Genshin Impact), Xingqiu (Genshin Impact), Chongyun
(Genshin Impact)
Additional Tags:
albedo is nd-coded i said what i said, maybe straying a
bit from canon, mutual pining without albedo realizing it,
albedo is a DENSE mother fucker, Slow Burn, Female
Reader, science is good for foreplay, I'm Sorry, author
is a psychology student so this totally isn't self-indulgent,
YOU BRAID HIS HAIR, Angst!, research partners to
friends who travel together to lovers, very wholesome,
Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language:
English
Stats:
Published: 2021-02-13 Updated: 2021-03-19
Words: 50289 Chapters: 11/? Comments: 113
Kudos: 526 Bookmarks: 57 Hits: 8008
she likes her coffee
with cream and two
sugars.
swaginski
Chapter 8: VII. the boy who had
everything.
Summary:
“You know, for a genius, you’re
incredibly stupid.”
Notes:
this chapter was HIGHLY inspired by the
scientist by coldplay. take that
information as you will.
here's a playlist i made for the second
half of the fic!
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2N6sN
x2Pvcj1LlPCnjddcZ?
si=APsenSb0Ryug8HUWuJHTSQ
enjoy :>
(See the end of the chapter for more
notes.)
The night air was cold against his face, as he sat against
the window. He could feel the warmth of his overworked
body spread to his face, every movement he made
lagging as he kept reading.
The man was a powerhouse when he really put his mind
to something. It had been two full nights, and he hadn’t
experienced a lick of sleep.
He couldn’t stop himself. Every part of his body was
screaming at him for answers-- anything he could find,
so much so that the only thing keeping him from
collapsing right on the floor was his own personal coffee
maker. In his mind, this was the only plausible way, the
only way he could understand himself without hurting
another person.
Since, like his old saying goes: “If I am alone, the only
person I can hurt is myself.”
And he ached.
There was so much about you that he knew, but what did
he know about himself? Sure, he had recognition, pride,
and academic prowess, but what was his favorite type of
music? Other than work, what gave him fulfillment?
Painting, perhaps?
What was his zodiac sign? What was his favorite type of
perfume? Why was he so god damn egocentric without
him even realizing it?
What is it like to be human?
These questions, quite literally, kept him up at night.
His room was a wondrous sight, a complete and utter
mess. Papers had been flown half-hazardly across the
room. His desk was full of books, each and every single
one of them pertaining to the issue at hand-- where did
he go wrong?
He had come to several conclusions.
One, he had been praised his entire life, that he had
never once gone in and fully praised himself, leaving him
with both a slight superiority and raging inferiority
complex, never feeling as though people liked the real
him-- only what they saw on the outside.
Two, that although he cared so much for others-- he was
downright terrified of abandonment and being seen, that
he distanced himself from those he cared about most.
Three, the way he carried himself was robotic.
Four, he had manipulated the woman he loved into
thinking that he only cared about her when she gave him
what she wanted, which was not the case at all.
Five, using people as “lab rats” is just as harmful as not
talking to them at all.
Six, he was terrified of intimacy.
Lastly, seven. He refused to see another person’s point of
view since he was conditioned to only value his own.
These were the things that made the strongest, most
ethereal woman inside and out, to walk right out the
door, and he was determined to change.
At the dead of night, was he finally his own experiment.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------What could you have given the boy who had everything?
Even after you left, that question had still plagued your
mind, ruling over every action-- leaving its mark on
every single one of your handprints. It kept you in bed,
and it kept you in motion. The thought of him was a wine
stain on an opaque white sheet.
‘You didn’t even know him,’ you reasoned, and it was
entirely plausible.
But he looked at you, and he looked only at you. When
you danced, his focus was on only you, and entirely you.
It was only until he grew distant did you ever think
otherwise. There was some part of you that never
wanted those eyes to look anywhere else again. A selfish
part, but one not easily shoved aside.
What did you do wrong? At once you were the light
radiating from the living room, to the painting on the
floor. Who could you have been better to make him care?
You shook your head. You were slowly outgrowing the
shoes that walked you into codependency, finally making
decisions for yourself. However, the thoughts kept
coming, and you couldn’t make them stop. Could you
have laughed more?
No, you did everything you could. You were everything to
yourself and you couldn’t run from it any longer.
You were yourself. And that was enough.
Maybe he’d apologize? You’d catch yourself leaving the
door unlocked at night. However irresponsible it was,
however dangerous-- you hoped maybe someday, you’d
walk down the stairs in the morning, and there would be
your coffee, cream and two sugars.
He always made it just how you liked it, didn’t he?
But it had already been a week, and you almost didn’t
care anymore. You reasoned that neither did he.
He probably had a new assistant now, a new case study- another person to prick and prod at until they were
nothing more than a test dummy, a laboratory rat.
You reasoned it would be too easy to slip back into your
old job, and he’d still linger around you whether you liked
it or not. You needed to be free-- free of the expectations
of others, free of responsibility. You needed to learn
about yourself, and you alone. You had already grown so
close, being with him, but it wasn’t in the way you
wanted it to be-- you never did it for yourself, you did it
to please him.
So here you were, packing your bags, for another year of
traveling alone.
You’d lease your old apartment, for the time being,
renting it out to whoever. You still had everything intact,
and it wasn’t as though you were moving away, but you
were simply leaving it standing there, for however long it
took. You packed your valuables, essential supplies,
weapons, and the like. It wasn’t as though this wasn’t
familiar to you: you had done it once before, you could
do it again.
You’d be leaving in the morning, waving your goodbyes
to Mondstadt as you knew it now. Perhaps next time you
returned, it would be a completely different city, with
new buildings, and new people. You’d take a mental
image of the place you saw it to be, and be on your
merry way.
All of your stuff lay on the floor in the living room. You
had planned an early morning rise, right before the sun
rose. You’d watch it enter the horizon on your own, not
on your way to his laboratory. You’d return to all the
places you had been before. Maybe this time you’d
venture to Liyue! You had no idea where the road would
take you this time, and it excited you to your very core.
You were drinking chamomile tea in the window seat,
watching the night roll in. After a certain hour, the lights
engulfing the city would turn on, right after twilight. You
observed each of the many smells of the city, each of
your senses engaged. Although Mondstadt resembled
everything that troubled you, it was also the city of many
of your dreams. You had called it home for years, and it
had cradled your ambitions the moment you stepped foot
in its walls.
You found yourself caught in reminisce. The first week of
working for the knights: how you’d run around the
headquarters with your sisters in arms, how you’d tease
them for admiring the Cavalry Captain from afar-- how
you’d laugh. The downtime in between commissions,
where you’d eat by the fireplace-- telling stories of far-off
adventures, things you could only dream of. Before being
ostracized by all those you idolized, your life with the
Knights was one of comfort, before you met your
superior officer.
It had all gone downhill from there.
However, you had found new dawn regardless. Working
for the investigation team, constantly on the search for
new findings, surrounded by aromas of flowers.
You had reached a very strong conclusion: every adverse
part of your life was just an obstacle you had to climb.
You’d always find another horizon, you swore it to
yourself.
Here you were, sailing towards a new beginning when
you heard the sound of light, polite knocking on your
door.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------The previous night was cold, Albedo was colder.
In the course of a week, he had only received 8 hours of
shut-eye, due to the nature of his hyperfixation. Prior to
ending up on your doorstep again, however, he had
decided that he would need a small dosage of help the
night before, and a bit of alcohol.
And so, he wound up in Angel’s Share again, but not with
his trusted assistant.
It was far too late. The patrons had already left, and it
was only Diluc-- cleaning up the shop and taking
inventory. The red-haired gentleman swore he had
locked the door until he heard the faint sounds of
footsteps towards the bar. He almost drew his sword until
he realized it was just Albedo, with dark circles under his
eyes.
Diluc had a bad feeling about this already.
“Albedo, it is two in the morning. What are you doing
here?”
“I need a drink,” He sat down firmly at the bar, “and
some counsel.”
Diluc was tempted to toss him out due to his own
exhaustion, but he knew how rare it was to see a man of
his stature so disheveled. He knew whatever it was that
was clouding his mind-- it was immensely important.
Swallowing his apprehension, the red-haired man poured
him a small glass of wine.
“You look like you haven’t slept in a week.”
“I haven’t,” Albedo uttered, chugging the whole thing
down in one quick swig.
“Bingo,” Albedo uncharacteristically grunted, making a
finger-gun at the taller man behind the bar, before- in
rather dramatic fashion-- slugging the entire glass, and
thumping his forehead on the bar.
A muffled groan emanated from the tangle of blonde hair
that was Chief Alchemist of the Knights of Favonius.
The red-haired man reached out a hand to stop Albedo
from drinking it too fast, but it was already too late.
“Slow down, Albedo.. What’s gotten into you?” A note of
worry touched Diluc’s voice.
In all of Diluc’s life, had he not expected this side of
Albedo. There was a desperation in his eyes, a
frustration, aching with something Diluc sort of
recognized. However, he couldn’t draw any conclusions
just yet.
“Long story. Another one, please.” Albedo slammed the
cup on the table, before leaning back in his chair,
brushing his hair out of his eyes and sighing loudly.
“I’m not pouring another drink until you explain,
Kreideprinz.” Diluc crossed his arms in concern. Not once
had he witnessed this much emotion out of the blonde,
besides watching him dance with his assistant. There was
something seriously wrong here, and he had to get to
the bottom of it.
Albedo clenched his jaw. “I need advice. You know I’ve
never been the best with people.”
“Quite.” Diluc leaned against the counter. “But that isn’t
enough explanation. Where’s your assistant?”
“She quit.” He put it bluntly, his flat expression
communicating wordlessly his feelings on the matter.
“Ah…”
There was silence for a moment before Diluc cleared his
throat. “What made her quit?” He said, leaning over the
counter, eyeing him tentatively.
Albedo thought for a good moment before sliding the cup
towards Diluc.
“I took her sledding,” he said lightly.
Diluc’s brow furrowed with confusion as he looked down
to refill Albedo’s glass. “...Okay?”
“I poked her with a stick.”
“...Okay…”
Albedo pressed a palm to his forehead. “Her mom died in
a freak sledding accident.”
Diluc arched an eyebrow. A cavalcade of emotions
crossed his features. “Oh my god,” he groaned.
Eventually, Diluc settled with burying his face in his
hands. “And… you knew about that… before the fact?”
Albedo was chugging the contents of his newly filled cup
as if it were a desert’s last drops of water, as though the
answers to every single one of his problems were
swishing around in that cup.
“Yes…” The blonde seemed to deflate a bit.
“What on earth were you thinking?” Diluc demanded,
crossing his arms. Now, this was entirely like the man
the taller man knew. “You did that knowingly?”
“I was testing my hypothesis on exposure therapy,”
Albedo began. “We had an agreement that in turn I’d
feed her every meal, and she’d be my case study to learn
more about how people work and what drives them.”
He slid his empty cup back towards Diluc, who promptly
filled it with water, rolling his eyes.
“You’re no fun,” Albedo said, pouting.
“Bingo-” Diluc shot back mockingly.
“So, she was your laboratory rat.” Diluc continued,
cleaning up behind the bar and around the tables. “Did
you give her cheese and everything?”
“I gave her coffee…? Thinking about it, I did pay for a lot
of her food.” Albedo swirled the water around in his cup.
“Huh.”
An exasperated sigh came from the far side of the
tavern, where Diluc was wiping down the tables.
“She said she was tired of me... using her,” Albedo said,
finishing the last of his drink, and taking the opportunity
to covertly pour himself some more wine while Diluc was
looking the other way. “Rightfully so. I didn’t realize what
I was doing was wrong.” He winced at how bad that
sounded.
Diluc returned, occupying the seat next to Albedo.
“Good. That is the first step: admitting you made a
mistake. It may not feel like it right now, but you’re
headed in the right direction."
Albedo found himself sinking into his chair, the world
spinning around him like a child on a carousel. "I don't
even know what direction that is, Diluc. I thought I had–I
thought I had everything under control."
"That’s the thing with control, Albedo. You’re a talented
alchemist--nobody can deny that. But there are things in
life that you can’t treat like an experiment. The more you
try to control them, the more you poke and prod for the
sake of a result... the more they tend to slip between
your fingers.”
Albedo was trying to keep his composure, but the wine
was certainly rushing to his head. “I… I need her back. I
don’t know why, but it’s so dull without her around, like a
painting without color. I swore to myself I didn’t need
people until she walked right into my life.”
Diluc found a small smile curve on the side of his lip. It
was most likely the alcohol talking, Diluc noted, but to
see a man so walled up inside become so vulnerable was
quite interesting to watch. He knew, having watched the
two of you dance weeks ago, that there was something
to it. Although he didn’t look like it, Diluc was quite the
romantic. For the first time, the robotic shell that Diluc
knew had become completely alive.
“You know, for a genius, you’re incredibly stupid.”
“What?” Albedo practically choked on his water, not
anticipating his response.
“You care about her. There’s no denying it.”
“Well,” Albedo stammered, “I mean, of course I care,
Diluc, I wouldn’t be in such a state if she was… just
another assistant to me.” Albedo cleared his throat,
sitting up a little straighter. Not meeting Diluc’s gaze. “Of
course I care,” he sniffed.
The taller man leaned into Albedo and narrowed his eyes.
“Right. But here’s my question, and only you can answer
this: how much do you care? From my perspective, and
based on the things I’ve heard, it sounds like you care
quite deeply for her.”
“Things you’ve heard?”
“Come on, Albedo,” Diluc said, relaxing back into his seat
and crossing his arms. “That mess at Good Hunter has
been the talk of Mondstadt for days now.”
Albedo groaned, burying his face in his hands. Oh, that.
The first thing that greeted him at the door at his most
recent meeting with the Knights, Kaeya snickering behind
a paper in his face, Lisa following suit. Those two never
gave him the slightest bit of a break. He guessed that
was why when he thought of needing advice, he ended
up in front of Diluc, and not Kaeya’s doorstep.
Kaeya was best for a different kind of advice, and
everyone knew it. Although, there was no denying he
had a way with words, romantically, or platonically.
Kaeya wasn’t just a smooth talker even if that’s how
most people characterized him to be, it was just in his
nature to be flirtatious. There was more to him though,
hidden behind layers and layers of sarcastic comments
and glances in the mirror.
“What have people been saying?”
Even if he heard the playful teasing from Lisa and others,
he had no idea what the townspeople thought-- who only
knew him as a social reject genius who’d hide away in
Dragonspine. Although he was popular for his looks and
artistic abilities, he actually had no idea what his
reputation was. And this… terrified him, rightfully so.
Diluc gave a small chuckle before wiping down another
countertop. “Well, the gossip is atrocious, I’ll spare you
that much. However, people have said the only time they
ever saw you smile was when you looked at her.”
Was he wrong? Absolutely not. Did Albedo really want to
admit that to himself? No.
“Really…” Albedo gazed over at him inquisitively, a little
bit too curious for his own good. Respectfully, though, it
was mainly the alcohol in his system talking. “What else
are you willing to tell me?”
“It seems you two were in an affair, am I wrong?”
Albedo found himself blushing at the thought. “I… no. We
were strictly a friendship. Nothing more.”
Diluc cleared his throat to cover the skeptical huff that
would have otherwise come out. “Right.”
“Now, besides all that, what else do you need help with?
Because it’s late, and as much as I want to assist you, I
am incredibly tired.”
Albedo should have anticipated that, but he was a bit too
drunk to think normally. Here he was, preparing himself
to wobble back home around three in the morning. “I’ve
been reading countless books trying to deduce exactly
where I went wrong, and because of that, I haven’t
slept. How should I… go about this? Now that I know
where I’ve gone wrong? How can I get her back?”
“You know,” Diluc began, “You’re an enigma. You’re so
smart, yet you don’t realize the answer is right in front of
you.”
Albedo’s eyes perked up from the floor.
“Go talk to her, idiot.” Diluc rubbed his temples. “Get
some good sleep, drink more water, wake up in the
morning, stand on her doorstep, and talk to her. Like a
normal person. Talk to her as though she is just as
human as everyone else. But be gentle, cradle her
emotions. Do not be harsh. Be as humble, honest, and
polite as you can be.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------And so, there he was, the next evening.
The blonde had not expected to sleep in that late. After
clocking in around three-thirty in the morning, did he not
wake up until four in the afternoon. Somehow, he was
even more tired than before.
However, the man had jacked himself on as much coffee
as he possibly could before gathering his thoughts, and
before he wound up on your doorstep again. He
promised to himself that he’d make amends, and he
hoped it wasn’t too late-- an entire week had gone past
since the incident. Now, it was just him, having to put all
of his newfound knowledge to good use.
Like a warrior facing off before the final boss, he reached
out his hand before placing two polite knocks on your
door.
He couldn’t have prepared himself for the onslaught of
emotions he felt when he saw your face again. It had
looked completely the same, having not changed at all
since a week had passed (he’d be silly to think
otherwise). It felt as though relief and heart-stabbing
pain had both coursed through him at the same time,
and he didn’t know what to call it. Guilt? Love?
Terror?
Guilt. Probably guilt.
You, on the other hand, had just finished your tea-- were
in your nightclothes, and he was the last person you
would have expected standing there, with his heart in his
hands.
You almost slammed the door on him.
There were those eyes, those way too familiar bluegreen, the ones that set your stomach aflutter and face
ablaze. But this time, he looked like a dog with his tail
between his legs-- even if he still carried that regal aura
about him. His hair was a bit messier than normal, and
he looked at you as though you were the first thing he
had ever seen.
You swallowed thickly as you stood there, tea still in your
hands.
“I… hello.” Albedo began, his words catching in his
throat.
“Are you just here to absolve your guilt and shake
hands?” You peered at him skeptically, placing your tea
down on the table next to the door. “Because if so, I
have more important matters.”
You don’t know why you suddenly were so defensive.
Here he was, hopefully standing there to apologize, and
yet you were pushing him away again. You didn’t know
why you were aching, in more ways than one. You were
relieved to see him standing there, but you knew it
meant he was probably going to drag you back into his
little trap-- his new experiment.
“(y/n), I wanted to discuss what happened last we met.
I’d like to reach an agreement on the situation.”
You scowled. He was using those refined terms again,
with that arrogant tongue. God, it was as though he was
some inhuman creature gazing back at you. “I’m not
your employee anymore, you don’t have to give me a
courtesy call.”
You nearly closed the door on him when you heard a
small, “wait,” emerge from his lips.
It was quiet enough to be muffled, but loud enough to be
heard. A desperate look hung in his eyes, and it was so
hard to say no.
You still cared about him, no matter how hard you tried
to push it away.
“I… I’ve been reading. A lot.” He began, eyes fixated on
the ground. Was it his shame? Possibly. “I understand
everything you said. I’ve been researching all about
manipulation and trying to learn where I went wrong, so
I could--”
“God damn it.” You cursed, your palm pressed against
your forehead. “Once again, that’s not how it works! Did
you think that you could just crack a book and it would
all just disappear? Some people have to work, work hard
to become better people.”
“I know,” he began, “but it's the only way I know how.”
Your hand grabbed the side of the door. “Goodnight,
Albedo.”
“Please.” He shot up, eyes persistent on yours.
You stopped suddenly at this newfound vulnerability.
“What have you learned, huh?” Your eyes burned a flame
into his, which were deflating more and more with each
passing moment. “Is this just another one of your
research projects?”
“No.” He fidgeted with the piece of fabric on his leg.
“What I did was wrong, and although I thought the
environment I created would be helpful for the both of us
to understand each other, creating an “experiment” was
doubly as harmful as isolating myself from the world
completely. Although my intentions weren’t to hurt you, I
still did, and it’s entirely my fault. You have every right to
compare me to the man who manipulated you, since I
did too, without realizing it.”
“Huh.”
“I’m not here to ask you to be my assistant again.” He
stopped, a visible nervousness coursing through his body
language. “However, I just want you to know that I am
willing to change. As you said, a good relationship is
when two people have their own worlds-- a full
understanding of themselves. I need to understand
myself, which I’ve been up all night the past week trying
to do, and I never want to put you in that position where
you feel as though you need to help me again.”
“Then why are you here?” You regarded him skeptically,
crossing your arms.
He looked at you as though you held his string of fate in
your hands. “I’m here to ask for your friendship. In
whatever way you feel comfortable.”
You tucked a hair behind your ear, scanning his features
for any signs that would alert your distrust. Men had put
you on high alert, their false apologies ringing in your
ears. But this seemed… genuine. However, you weren’t
going to let your walls down that easily again. “I thought
you didn’t need people.”
“Besides,” you leaned against the doorway. “I’m leaving
tomorrow morning. I’m going traveling again for a year
and leaving Mondstadt behind. I’m afraid I don’t know
where that leaves us.”
He looked as though you had just shoved a dagger right
in between his lungs. Speechless, his eyes went back to
the floor.
“I guess this is goodbye, then, unless you have more you
need to say--”
“Please.” His eyes raised towards yours. For the first
time, you saw ample wetness in his eyes; not deep
enough for it to fall down his face, but notably enough to
see. “Please don’t go.”
Your eyes widened. You had never seen this much
emotion come out of him.
“I don’t need you for sessions anymore, nor do I need
you to do anything for me. I just… I need you in my life,
whatever way possible. I can’t look at everything as
experiments or projects anymore, I cannot control you,
and I never wanted to in the first place. Questions of
science and questions of progress are one thing, but they
do not speak as loud as my heart.”
Your mouth hung open.
“ If this is what you really want though, I do not want to
stop you. I just…”
His heart broke in ways he didn’t know was possible.
“Nevermind. I guess this really is goodbye. I won't ask
anything more from you. I’m doing it again, am I? I’m
sorry. I’m so so sorry.”
Albedo shook his head, turning his back on you. “I should
go. I wish you the best of luck on your travels, please
stay safe. Goodnight and goodbye, (y/n).”
He sent you a forced smile as he gathered himself,
walking towards the sidewalk. He had never felt such a
profound sadness in his entire being.
You, on the other hand, couldn’t ignore your heart any
longer. Although your brain was telling you one thing,
you knew you couldn’t live the rest of your life in
suspicion.
“Wait.” You mumbled. However, he was already too far
away to hear you. You leaped to your feet, your
nightgown swaying in the summer breeze. You didn’t
care you weren’t wearing shoes, the hardwood practically
giving you splinters as you sprinted towards him. The
night air was cold against your ankles, flooding your
senses, wisping through your hair. “Wait!”
You grabbed him by the wrist.
Your eyes met, for a split second, before you pulled him
into a tight hug.
“Come with me.”
“What?”
“I forgive you. Come traveling with me.”
He melted into your touch in disbelief. “Me?”
“Yes, you,” you laughed, “I said what I said. Come with
me.”
In this confusing polygon of his emotions, he found
himself choking on his words, eyes and body heavy. The
wetness in his eyes only grew greater until he found it
falling down in clumps on his face, and into your hair. He
was silent, though, still composed-- even as hard as it
was. If he hadn’t been so compelled into keeping his
composure, he would have broken down into sobs on the
pavement, at your gentle touch.
He felt as if he still didn’t deserve it, but here you were,
forgiving him.
“Let’s start over as equals, okay?” You peered up at him,
who for the first time since you met him, was
uncharacteristically crying. “You need to get to know
yourself the best way I know how. Let’s go exploring.”
He squeezed you tightly, his head resting on your
shoulder. He didn’t have to speak. You already knew.
“C’mon, let’s go inside, okay? We have some planning to
do.”
With a soft nod, he followed you inside your home.
Here he was, standing at a new horizon.
You treated him like a person. A fallible, albeit unique
individual-- a person. And he needed you; he needed you
more than he needed to breathe. For once in his life,
Albedo had never felt so human, even if he was sure he
wasn’t. You saw the worst in him, and yet, you led him
inside, you held his hand, you guided him.
“Let's go back to the start,” he mumbled, a raw, genuine
smile appearing on his face.