SHATTER ME
The Jaded Series #1
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ALEX GRAYSON
OceanofPDF.com
SHATTER ME
The Jaded Series #1
By Alex Grayson
Copyright © 2014 by Alex Grayson. All rights reserved.
Cover Design and Formatting by Kim Black at TOJ Publishing Services.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in
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All characters and events appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real events or
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
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Table of Contents
Copyright
Table of Contents
Dedication
Disclaimer
Book Description
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Epilogue
Acknowledgments
A Note
About Author
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Dedication
Since the beginning of Shatter Me and throughout the whole process it has
been my husband and daughter that has suffered from the time spent away
from them. I gladly dedicate this book to them with my sincere apologies
for the neglect and frustration it has caused. I love you both so much and
thank you for understanding the importance of Shatter Me.
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Disclaimer
This book contains content like rape, drugs, and hard situations that may
trigger bad memories for those that has been in similar situations. Not
suitable for anyone under 18.
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Book Description
I'm running, as fast and as far as I can. My past is trying to shatter me, but I
am determined not to let it. I've come this far, I won't let it break me now.
I had to stop in a small town to get enough money to run again, but I found
myself wanting to stay. The reason? Jaxon Walker. He doesn't make me so
afraid. He comforts me. But how much comfort will it take before my walls
shatter? And what happens when my past finds me? Will it destroy me
finally or could Jax possibly save me?
My name is Bailey Winsor and this is my story.
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Chapter One
Jaded Hollow, OH – 6 miles ahead
I release a sigh, exhausted and nervous about my next stop on my long
and tedious journey.
I’ve been driving since eight this morning, with a couple of stops inbetween for restroom breaks and gas stops. It’s coming up on nine at night.
I need to keep moving. I don’t want to give him the opportunity to find me.
Him, being Steven, my worse nightmare, my worse fear, my husband.
Unfortunately, I don’t have a choice in the matter because my gas tank is
running on fumes and my pocket book is getting low. I need to find a way
to make a little cash before I move on.
My arms hurt from holding onto the steering wheel for so long and my
legs are cramping from the constant push of the gas pedal. I’m so hungry I
fear my internal organs will dry up and turn to dust due to lack of
nourishment. I’m exhausted to the point where my eyes have that sandy,
papery, gritty feel and I’m worried I might dose off behind the wheel.
Needless to say I’m ready to get out of my cramped, beat up old car that
I bought for five hundred dollars at the beginning of my unplanned but
wanted trip. All I want to do is get a quick bite to eat, fall into bed, sleep
like the dead, and not get up for a week. I know finding a place to eat won’t
be a problem. I’ve seen signs for Maggie's Diner up ahead in Jaded Hollow,
which state it is an All-night diner. It’s finding a place to crash that will be
an issue.
With about fifty dollars to my name I can’t even afford to rent a hotel
for the night. Sleeping in my cramped car is definitely not appealing, but I
have done it before and am prepared to do it again. I just hope I can find
work in this middle of nowhere town that is to be my home for a short
amount of time. Sleeping in my car for a few nights I can deal with, but I
really don't want to wake up with a crick in my neck and cramps in my legs
every day for weeks at a time until I can afford a place to stay.
It is dark out so I can't really see the landscape around me. From what I
can see from the light of the moon and the shine of my headlights I am
surrounded by woods. The road is curvy and there are a few small hills.
I slow my car when I reach a wooden sign that welcomes me to Jaded
Hollow, OH. It looks old and the scene on it represents the country town
I’m about to enter; a farmhouse with silos sitting behind it and a field of
corn.
I speed back up, anxious to reach my destination. About a mile past the
welcome sign I start taking notice of my surroundings. It’s important to
familiarize myself with where I’ll be staying just in case I need to flee
again. He may come for me and I need to know where I’ll be safe.
Large houses start appearing. The only reason I can see them is because
their porch lights illuminate the front stoops. Many of the houses are at least
a couple hundred feet from the road and sit on large amounts of land.
Further down the road bright orange street lights dot both sides of the
road. Smaller houses start popping up on either side of the road, along with
businesses thrown in here and there. There’s a post office on one side and
an outdoor shop on the other.
There’s also the Jaded Hollow Public Library, a red brick building with
a large, colorful brick book that sits right out front. There is a gazebo that’s
off to the left and a small swing set and slide right beside it. I can picture a
mother sitting in the gazebo reading her book as a little girl swings close by.
With the image in my head, my stomach cramps and my eyes sting. I
immediately push the image away before it has the chance to cripple me.
As I slow down to a stop at what appears to be the only red light in
town, I notice a building that houses three motorcycles and five cars. The
building sits on the corner of County Road 14 and Big Bulge Road. There
are several lit advertisement signs on the windows and front of the white
building, most of which are advertising different types of beer. The largest
lit sign reads ‘Jaxon's Pub’.
The light turns green and I creep along. Up ahead on the left a simple
red sign shows that I have finally arrived at Maggie's Diner. There are
several cars parked in front of the light blue building.
I park my car next to an old red pick-up truck, pull the key out of the
ignition and lay my head back on the headrest. Not only is my car running
on empty, but I am as well. With a deep breath I force myself to grab my
purse and drop my keys inside. The air is nippy when I step out of my car
so I grab my gray hooded sweatshirt that shows the Cookie Monster
chomping on cookies, and slip it on.
As I approach the entrance a man appears out of nowhere and startles
me. I automatically allow my russet brown hair to fall in front of my face
on the right side. This is born out of habit from trying to hide the hideous
scar that runs from the corner of my right eye to my ear. People tend to
stare, which makes encounters uncomfortable. So, to avoid any tense
moments I learned real quick to hide behind a wall of hair anytime I am in
the vicinity of people.
I peek at him from under my eyelashes. He looks to be in his early 30's.
He wears a black hat that he turned backwards. His hair is dark and I can
tell that he keeps his hair short by the stubble that peaks out from just below
the hat by his ears. I can’t really see from the lack of light, but it appears he
has dark eyes. Although he sports a five o'clock shadow you can see that he
keeps his face clean-shaven. He has on a dark gray t-shirt with a black
thermal shirt underneath that covers bulging muscles. He also has on a pair
of worn form-fitting blue jeans and a pair of tan work boots. Overall, he is a
very good looking man. At another time and place I would really appreciate
his looks. But not now, I never want anything to do with a man again.
When I glance at him, he smiles and says, “Hey, sorry if I startled you.”
His voice is rough, but still holds a smooth edge to it.
I duck my head a little and reply. “That's okay, I'm just a little jumpy.”
He grabs the handle to the door, opens it, and gestures for me to enter.
“Ladies first.”
I notice the hand that holds the handle has a black and blue web tattoo.
It starts at the center of the back of his hand and extends all the way to his
fingers. I can’t see his palm, but I’m pretty sure that the tattoo continues to
wrap around to the front of his hand. The webbing also wraps around each
of his fingers. I briefly wonder what the significance is but then shake my
head. It’s none of my business.
When I walk inside the diner I notice that it looks like a traditional diner
that you see in movies and TV shows. It has a long white counter that has
attached red vinyl stools right in front of it. Behind the counter is all the
kitchen equipment a business needs to serve food and drinks; industrial
stove and oven, microwave, racks of dishes, silverware, and all the food
prep. There are two waitresses wearing red aprons standing behind the
counter. One has to be in her mid 20's while the other in her late 50's to
early 60's. She has a very grandmotherly look to her. A middle aged man
and woman are sitting at the counter.
Along the front and side walls there are white tables with red vinyl
booths. Salt and pepper shakers, a napkin holder, and two menus sit on each
table. Several of the booths are occupied by a variety of people. One holds a
young teenage couple, another a couple of older men, and the third a lone
female drinking a cup of coffee.
The walls are littered with various pictures of people in their everyday
life. One is of a couple of kids on a swing set. Another is a black and white
photo of a man and a woman swinging on a hammock wrapped in each
other’s arms. There is also an old picture of a man and a woman standing in
front of a building that looks like Maggie's Diner a 100 years ago.
The man that startled me walks in and the bell on the door rings when it
shuts. He starts walking towards the end of the counter where a portion of it
lifts up, allowing people to move back and forth from behind the counter.
The younger waitress runs from behind the counter and literally jumps on
the guy once she reaches him. She wraps her arms around his neck and her
legs around his waist and plasters an enormous smile on her face. Holding
her up with one hand on her ass, he grabs a hand full of hair and slams his
mouth down on hers.
I hear some chuckles from some of the patrons. The grandmotherly
waitress behind the counter has a twinkle in her eye when she says, “Alright
you two, break it up. Anna, you get back to work and you,” she says,
pointing to the man, “go have a seat and I'll bring you a nice steaming cup
of coffee.”
After another minute of tongue action the couple reluctantly break apart.
They stand there staring into each other’s eyes when the man smiles hugely.
“Hey, Anna Banana.”
“Hi, Nick,” the waitress replies in a breathy voice, her smile just as big
as before. I think the nickname he gave her is corny and sweet at the same
time. You can tell these two people are irrevocably in love. For a few
seconds it makes me wish that I could find that kind of love, but I know that
kind of love is rare and not meant for me.
I move away from the couple and make my way over to one of the
booths in the corner. I drop my purse on the seat, sit down, and grab the
plastic menu. I’m not real picky on what I eat, as long as it doesn’t taste like
sawdust or have a beating heart. I’m pretty desperate for any food at this
point.
Most of the foods are the same as any diner you come across. They have
a large variety of breakfast dishes, the usual hamburger and fries, several
different kinds of melts, and a select few dinner dishes, which included a
roll, two veggies, and a salad. Nothing special or out of the ordinary. They
offer coffee, sweet tea, coke, diet coke, fresh lemonade, milk, and water.
I close the first menu and pick up the second one. This menu is different
than the first. It isn’t plastic and looks like it is just a thick sheet of paper
that has pictures of desserts printed on it. To not be laminated and around
food and liquids all day the menu is in perfect shape. There are pictures
showing Kristen's Supreme Banana Pudding, Jay's Chocolate Crinkles,
Barb's Coconut Cream Swirl, Brenda's Chocolate Cake Surprise, and
Grandma Rosy's Pecan Pie.
“We have an ever-changing dessert menu,” comes a soft and flowing
voice.
I glance up, making sure my hair covers my scar, and see the waitress
that was swapping spit with the man a few minutes ago standing by my
table. “Excuse me?”
She quirks her lips up into a smile and says, “I noticed you looking at
the menu strangely and didn't want you to think we were so cheap we
couldn't afford to laminate our dessert menu. The menu changes every
month, so there's no sense in spending the money on laminating the menu's
when they'll be tossed in the trash soon anyway.”
I glance back down at the menu in my hand and ask, “Why does the
menu change every month?”
“We have an ongoing contest to see who makes the best desserts.
Anyone in town who wants to enter brings in a dessert sample and we pick
five to sell here at the diner for the whole month. They can either choose to
give the recipe to us and we can make the desserts ourselves or they can
make it themselves and just bring it in when we need it. At the end of the
month the whole town votes to see whose dessert was the best. The winner
gets one free meal a day for the next month.”
She is a beautiful woman. Her sandy blond hair is swept up on top of
her head and has a pen sticking out of the back. It looks like she just
grabbed a hair tie on the go and quickly pulled it back. Her face is free of
makeup except for maybe a dash of blush and a quick swipe of mascara.
She has beautiful blue eyes. They are a deep blue with a hint of a lighter
blue around the outside. They kind of remind me of what a blue moon
would look like if the moon actually turned blue during its second rare full
moon of the month. The shirt she has on is a white button up with pleats
running down the sides. On the top left side, right above her breast, is a
white name tag that reads 'Anna'. She has on a pair of violet colored skinny
jeans. Her shoes are standard white Keds.
She reaches out her hand and says, “Hi, I'm Anna.”
Not wanting to appear rude, I settle my hand in hers. “Bailey.”
“Well, hi Bailey, nice to meet you. What can I get for you tonight?” I
can tell that she is an extremely happy and energetic person. She smiled the
entire time she talked and bounced on her heels. I can never understand
how some people are always happy and on the go. I can never remember a
time in my life when I was truly and utterly happy. My childhood was filled
with verbal and physical abuse. My one saving grace that kept me sane
while I was a child was that I could one day escape it all. Little did I know
that I would be jumping from the frying pan and into an inferno. Actually, it
was worse than an inferno, I jumped straight into hell. A hell that scarred
me, literally and figuratively, for the rest of my life. A hell that I had no
means to escape from. A hell that I was still being forced to live in.
I release her hand and decide on something simple and cheap for my
dinner. “I'll take the burger and fries, please.”
“And to drink?” She asks while taking out a notepad from her apron and
pulling the pen from her hair.
“Water,” I reply, trying to go as cheap as I could. Most restaurants don't
charge for water and I’m hoping Maggie's Diner is one of those places.
Anna scribbles on her little notepad, sticks the pen back in her hair and
says “I'll have it right out for you.” Still smiling, she turns and flounces
away.
A little dazed from my encounter with the exuberant waitress, I glance
around at my surroundings. I notice that the young couple seated in a booth
a couple of places over from me to the left is staring at each other with stars
in their eyes. They can’t be more than 16 or 17 years old, but you can tell
they are completely infatuated with each other. When I was just a few years
their senior, I too thought that I had found something special and lasting.
After college graduation it didn't take long for me to realize my hopes and
dreams were all an illusion.
Looking to my right, I find one of the older men has turned around to
look at me. He looks to be in his 70's. His hair is as white as salt with just
barely there hints of pepper. His skin is wrinkled and sagging and his
cheeks have that sunken in look. The arm that he has draped across the back
of the booth is skin and bones. He’s wearing a green and gray plaid shirt
with the sleeves rolled up to just below his elbow.
“Why do you wear your hair in your face like that, little girl?” He asked
in a well-used and scratchy voice.
I sit there stunned and speechless at his inquiry. Not many people ask
that question of me. I don't know if it’s because they don't notice, they don't
care, or they don't want to offend me. This old man threw me for a loop and
I don't know how to respond. Luckily, the old buzzard’s equally old friend
rescues me from coming up with an answer.
“Jack, don't ask the girl that, it's none your business,” he scolds his
friend. He can't have been more opposite in looks than the first old man
named Jack. Where Jack is a bag of bones, his friend has maybe 50 pounds
too many. He has thinning hair and it’s solid gray. He has on a pair of old
coveralls with a deep blue button up on underneath.
Jack turns and looks at his friend. “What? I just don't understand why a
pretty girl like her would want to cover up that face. She should pull her
hair back so we can all enjoy her beauty.” He turns back towards me with
his eyebrows puckered in concentration.
“Jack! Don't talk to her like that! Can't you see you’re scaring the poor
thing?” Says the unknown friend. Bringing his eyes back to me he
continues, “Don't mind him, he's very simple minded and if he comes
across something he doesn't understand he lets others know. He's never
learned how to curb his tongue.”
“Hey, I take offense to that, you old goat. There's nothin’ wrong with
tryin’ to bring the girl out of her shell. It's obvious she's a shy little thing
and just needs a little push to get moving.”
Jack's friend looks to the ceiling and rolls his eyes. When he looks back
at me he says, “I'm Jake and this here nosy body is Jack.”
I bite my lip, trying not to smile. I really have no inclination to get to
know anybody here in this town. I won’t be here long enough to form any
type of friendships before I have to move on to another no name place. But
these two old men are hard to resist. It’s plain to see that they have been
friends for a long time, probably more years than I'd been alive. They both
compliment each other. Where Jack is gruff, grouchy, and way too
outspoken, the other is kind, considerate, and keeps his manners.
A little smile forms on my lips and I introduce myself. “Hello, I'm
Bailey.”
“Very nice to meet you, little lady,” replies Jake.
“Yeah, good to meet ya.” This from Jack, which he follows up with,
“What brings you to our little town?”
I’m saved from answering his, once again, nosy question when Anna
comes back with my water.
She places my water down on the table in front of me, props her hands
on her hips, and turns towards Jack and Jake's table. “Alright Jack, I won't
be having you harassing my customers again. Leave this nice lady alone
and get back to your dinner.”
Jake winks at me while Jack turns back to his table while grumbling, “I
was just trying to make conversation. Can't a body inquire about a new
person in town?”
Anna turns back towards me and says, “I apologize about that. He may
be a bit overbearing at times but he's completely harmless.”
“That's okay.”
“I could tell by the look on your face that he was making you
uncomfortable. Next time, just tell him to put a sock in it.”
Jack grunts.
My lips twitch.
Anna smiles and tells me my food will be out soon and then she walks
up to Nick, gives him another quick kiss, and slips back behind the counter.
I grab my purse and pull out the cheap disposable cell phone I bought at
the beginning of my trip. I know until Chris hears from me, she will be on
pins and needles. I promised her I would call or text her daily just to let her
know I was okay and where I was. She’s been my lifeline through this
whole mess. I don't know where I would be if it weren’t for her. Hell, I don't
even know if I would still be alive if it weren’t for her. We've been friends
since third grade and she has saved me more times than I can count. If it
weren't for her I would still be stuck with Steven living in my daily dose of
hell. She was the one who helped me escape. She is the one that gave me
the courage to make a stand and metaphorically say no to Steven. I say
metaphorically because there is no way I could ever say no to his face.
I shudder at the thought of the repercussions I would receive from
Steven if I ever worked up the courage to stand up to him.
My text to Chris is short, just letting her know I was in Jaded Hollow,
Ohio and that I would be staying here for a while. She knows my cash is
running low. Between the two of us, we were able to scrounge up a
whopping $5,534 for me to travel on. That may sound like a lot to some,
but when you’re constantly on the go it disappears fast. Most of the money
came from her, which I refused in the beginning because she is a struggling
full-time waitress. Unfortunately, due to certain circumstances, she had to
put off going to college for a few years. Her waitressing gig is what’s
paying her way through college. She kept insisting and I finally realized
that I had no choice. It was either take her money and run or end up dead.
And I knew one of the times Steven lost it, he would end up killing me.
So, while Steven was at one of his “meetings” I checked myself out of
the hospital early. Chris took me to get a cheap car and I loaded it up with
as much of my stuff as I could. Just outside of town my first stop was a cell
phone store in a strip mall to purchase a cheap non-traceable phone. My
next stop was a gas station to fill the gas tank in my car and I vamoosed. I
was gone, hoping and praying, into thin air. Unfortunately, that was not the
case. Steven caught up with me two weeks after I left.
My thoughts are interrupted when my cell pings with an incoming text.
I know it was from Chris, she was the only one that has my number.
Chris: Please be careful and keep a close look out. Keep me posted
daily. Love you.
Me: I will, I promise. Love you too.
I slip my phone back into my purse just as Anna walks up to the table
carrying my food. “Here ya go, sweetie.” She says when she sets my burger
and fries in front of me. My stomach rumbles at the sight of it.
I blush and peek up at Anna, who is still standing at the table watching
me. When I do, my hair falls away from my face and exposes a small
portion of my scar. Although she recovers quickly and tries to conceal it, I
hear Anna gasp. This is a typical reaction, so I ignore it.
I lower my head, so my hair falls back into place and slowly raise it
back up to glance at her. I decide I might as well start my job search.
Tentatively, I ask, “Do you know of any places around here that are
hiring? The only experience I really have is bartending and housekeeping.”
Her expression is troubled. She’s biting her bottom lip while she
considers my question. After several seconds her eyes light with excitement
and she nearly shouts, “Yes! I know just the place!”
Although I know I need a job I am a little leery at her excitement. I
mean, seriously? How can someone become so excited about the prospect
of referring someone to a possible job opportunity? Something else is going
on here and it makes me nervous and cautious. I decide right then to watch
myself around Anna. She’s sweet and seems like a nice girl and I already
like her, but she also seems mischievous.
Once she is done bouncing on her heels in her excitement she looks at
me with her eyes dancing merrily and says, “Jaxon's Pub needs a bartender.
Do you know where it is?”
Yes, I know where it is. I remember driving right past it on my way into
town. It was the bar with the motorcycles out front. My previous experience
in bartending was back home at an upscale restaurant called ‘The Bryler.’
There was a bar in the restaurant. It’s independently owned by a local
family. I worked there while I was in college to help pay for my education.
It was there that I met Steven. He was there for a meeting with a client and I
had the misfortune of being the bartender on duty. Working in a high-class
restaurant was a lot different than working in a rugged bar. I’m not picky
though. I know I need a job and am willing to give just about anything a try.
“Yes, thank you, I know where it is.” I tell her and give a little smile.
She returns my smile with a big one of her own and says, “Just tell Jax I
sent you over. And don't let him scare you off. He can be, let's just say,
intimidating at times. Underneath it all he's a good guy, though.”
Her words make me nervous. There is no telling what I could be getting
myself into working for this Jax character. I've had enough drama in my life
to last a lifetime. I definitely do not need or want more; especially now,
with my life in shambles.
With a few more words, where she informs me that Jaxon should be on
shift soon, she walks off to take care of her other customers. I look at my
food and, with a desperation that’s pathetic, dive right in. It is the best
burger and fries I’ve ever eaten.
Once I’m finished, which took all of five minutes, I gather my purse and
slide out from the booth. As I make my way to the counter to pay for my
meal, I notice Anna standing next to Nick. They are whispering and
glancing my way. They quickly avert their eyes when they catch me
looking.
Behind the counter is the elderly woman that was with Anna when I
first walked in. She came to the register that sat behind the counter. Her
name tag shows that Maggie's Diner is her restaurant. She has white, gray
hair that she wears in a bun at the nape of her neck. Her eyes are a dark
chocolate brown. Upon closer inspection, she appears to be nearing her
seventies, rather than the fifties or sixties that I had originally thought.
She’s wearing a white button-up short-sleeved shirt, a pair of tan slacks, and
completing her outfit is a pair of black nursing shoes. Over her outfit she
has the same colored apron as Anna.
“Hi, did you enjoy your meal?” She smiles and asks in a warm and
friendly voice.
“Yes, ma'am, I did, thank you.” I return.
I pull out my wallet, grab some money, and hand it to her. After ringing
up my total and putting the money in the register she hands me my change.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Come back and see us again soon.” She calls as I
start walking away.
I slowly turn back to her and hesitantly tip up my lips a little and say,
“Okay.”
I make my way to the door and push through it to go back out into the
nippy air. The temperature has dropped a few more degrees since I had been
inside so I slid my hands into the front of my hoodie and approach my car.
After unlocking it, I climb inside, more exhausted than I was before I ate. I
relax against the headrest, preparing myself for the task ahead- talking this
Jaxon person into hiring me.
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Chapter Two
As I approach the place that is to hopefully be my salvation for the next
indeterminable amount of weeks, I notice it is even busier than it was when
I first drove by. It looks like Jaxon's Pub is the place to be on a Wednesday
night here in Jaded Hollow. The parking lot is full so I pull behind a gray
Voltswagon Beetle that is parked on the side of the road in front of the
building. On the back of the Beetle there is a pink sticker that reads “ROCK
CHICK.” I notice there are several other cars parked on the side of the road
as well.
I debate with myself on whether or not to wait until tomorrow to talk to
this Jax guy about the job. The place is so busy I’m not sure he will have
time to talk. I decide since I’m already here to go inside and have a look
around and get a feel for the place. If it looks like they’re too busy I’ll just
come back and talk to someone tomorrow during the day.
I hop out of my car and make my way towards the door when suddenly
I hear a loud screech come from my right. I glance over, and what I see has
my heart racing. Right there in the middle of the parking lot is a couple in
an intimate embrace.
At first glance it looks like the girl may be struggling against the guy.
After a better look I can see the girl isn’t fighting to get away from the man,
but fighting to get him closer. The guy has her pinned against the side of a
car. He has one hand wrapped around her thigh, holding it over his hip. He’s
grinding himself good and hard against her. His other hand is wrapped in
her hair, pulling her head back so his lips have access to her neck. The girl
has both of her arms wrapped around his neck. With her head thrown back
and her mouth open, anyone can see that she’s enjoying herself.
I can’t really tell because of the darkness, but it actually looks like the
guys pants are sagging, which means his pants are undone, and if his pants
are undone, that means they are...
“Oh yeah, baby, right there, don't stop!” The girl cries to the dark sky.
Oh my God!! Are they actually having sex in the parking lot of a bar?
Do people really do that? I quickly look away, embarrassed, and start
walking faster towards the entrance before they notice me.
The front of the building has a huge porch. There’s a porch swing and
two wooden rocking chairs with a table sitting between them. A few potted
plants hang from the railing. It all feels very homey and if it weren't for the
neon signs, I would never have pegged this for a place that sold alcohol.
I push open the door and immediately I am met with a wave of music
and smoke. I pause just inside the door to take everything in. The place is
packed with people. There are several tall tables with stools, most of which
are occupied. I also notice a sliding glass door. From what I can see it looks
like there is another covered porch with more tables and chairs. To my left
there are several pool tables.
Directly in front of me is a long scarred wooden bar that has about ten
stools in front of it. All of them are taken except for the one at the end and I
decide that is to be my spot. I feel several people staring at me while I make
my way to the bar. With this being such a small town I'm sure seeing new
people is a commodity to them.
Behind the bar is the usual mirrored wall. Attached to the glass are
pictures. One picture stands out because it is an exact replica of the one that
hung on the wall of the diner. It’s the black and white photo of a man and
woman standing in front of the diner. Another picture hangs beside it. This
photo is of a young girl of about ten or eleven with light blonde hair.
Standing next to her is a teenage boy. He’s tall and has spiky jet black hair.
On the other side of the boy is another girl. She looks to be in her mid-teens
and has the same color hair as the boy. Both of the girls have their arms
wrapped around the boy’s waist while his are wrapped around their
shoulders. All three have huge grins on their faces. You can see by their
expressions that they just got done laughing. They look happy and carefree.
In front of the mirrored wall is what looks to be hundreds of every
different kind of alcohol imaginable. At one end of the mirrored wall is an
old fashion cash register. At the other end are two sinks. Beside the sinks
are glasses sitting in a drying rack. Right behind the bar, directly in front of
me, are four different beer taps. Looking to the right, I notice more taps
further down the bar.
A girl that looks too young to be working in a bar approaches my
section. She has red and black hair cut into a pixie style. When I say red I
don't mean the red you typically see on a female. You know, the red that's
actually an orange. No, this girl has red hair. A bright candy apple red. A
red you would see on a sports car. Although her hair is loud, it’s also cute
and fits her. Black kohl is artfully done around her eyes. Not too much, but
just enough to give her seductive eyes. Both of her ears are lined with
earrings, ranging from tiny drops of metal to ones the size of a sweet pea.
She also has a small diamond nose ring. She sports a pair of jean overalls
with a black tank top underneath. She is absolutely beautiful. Through the
dim light of the bar I can see tattoos on her arms.
Walking up to me, she asks in a deceptively innocent voice. “Can I get
you something?”
Still overcome with her beauty it takes me a minute to register what she
said.
“Oh, um, water, please.”
Grabbing a glass and using one of the taps to fill it, she places it in front
of me and turns to walk off.
“Hey! Anna down at Maggie’s Diner said y’all might be hiring. She told
me to ask for Jax about a job,” I semi-yell over the loud music in the smoky
bar. I don’t want to yell too loud and risk everyone staring at me, so I yell
loud enough for just the pixie to hear me.
She raises her eyebrows and looks me over. I know I’m no knockout
compared to her. I’m of average height, about 5'6”. My hair and eyes are
just a plain brown. I’m not thin, but I’m not chunky either. I believe my
weight is proportionate with my height. My boobs are on the small side, but
are perky. My two redeeming qualities, which are curses in my opinion, are
my neck and legs. People said I had a slender and graceful neck and mile
long legs. At one of Steven’s and my “outings” one guy said I had
supermodel legs. It always made me feel creepy when one of his colleagues
complimented me.
After her perusal of me the girl glances to the right and hollers,
“Jaxon!” Across the bar.
“What?” A deep, rich voice responds. I glance over in the direction of
the voice and notice a man leaning on his forearms on the bar talking to a
woman. I can’t see his face because of the other occupants at the bar. From
what I can see, he’s wearing a pair of well-worn form fitting jeans.
Pixie girl hollers back, “We got a potential here.”
Jeans guy straightens up and starts walking towards us. My breath
catches at my first real sight of him. He is the guy in the picture plastered to
the mirror behind the bar. It’s him, but an older him. He still has the thick,
spiky, jet black hair. It looks like he just ran his hands through it. An
irrational thought pops into my head of me running my fingers through his
hair.
I shake my head. Whoa! What? Where in the world did that thought
come from? No. No way could I ever want that, no matter how hot a guy
looks.
He is tall. If I had to guess, I would say about 6’3”. He’s built, but not a
bulky built. I can see muscles bulging from his shirt sleeves and his
stomach is flat, and hard I would guess.
As he starts walking closer I notice that, although he still favors the
teenage boy in the picture, he has quite a few artistic features added to his
person. He has two silver rings in one brow and a gauge in each ear. He has
on a black short sleeve t-shirt and his arms are covered in tattoos. From the
neck of his shirt, I can see another tattoo peeking out from underneath it. He
wears a black and silver woven necklace that lies close to his neck. On his
left wrist is a wide leather wristband. He is, hands down, the most gorgeous
man I had ever seen before.
“What's up, Mia?” He asks once he reaches us. It is so hard not to just
stare at him. He has still yet to look my way. I don’t know why, but I really
want him to.
“She asked about the job opening. Said Anna sent her over here.”
He finally looks to me and I’m struck dumb. He had the most stunning
eyes. One eye is a violet color. But it’s the other eye that stands out the
most. It has two different colors. Both sides are violet, but one side has
more of a cornflower blue tint to it. I have never seen anything like it. I
know that it would be so easy to get lost in them.
He stands there, staring at me and I become fidgety. The intensity in his
eyes is making me nervous, but I can’t tear mine away. I reach up to make
sure my hair was still covering my scar and find that it is. After what seems
like an endless amount of time he says simply, “Not interested,” and turns
to walk away.
My mouth drops open while I watch his retreating back. I’m floored. I
cannot believe he judged me without even asking a single question. What
kind of man does that? Oh, no, that is so not working for me. I am so sick
and tired of men treating me like shit. Enough was enough! I take a deep
breath, stand up, and lean over the bar and yell, “Wait!”
He stops and slowly turns back around to face me, hands on his hips.
Again, I am arrested by his eyes.
“What?” He asks
“Why?” Is my reply.
“Why what?”
“Why did you say ‘not interested’ when you don't even know me? You
asked me not one question regarding the job. How can you know I'm not
qualified when you didn't even let me tell you my experience?”
He slowly makes his way back towards me. “Okay, then speak. Tell
me....”
“Bailey,” I supply my name.
“Tell me Bailey, why should I hire you?”
Well, crap! Now that I have him in front of me and willing to listen I
have no idea what to say. This man intimidates me with his tattoos,
piercings, badass attitude, and hot as sin good looks. I have never been the
type to speak my mind before. As a child, I was meek and fearful of both
my parents, so I kept my mouth shut as much as possible. As an adult, I
became even quieter. Once I married Steven and he showed his true colors I
learned real quick to watch what I say. It’s ingrained in me to not voice my
opinion and stand up for myself.
My new found bravery of just a few minutes ago has gone AWOL.
Vanished into thin air! Gone! I just stare at Jaxon, totally speechless. He
stares back at me with his eyebrows raised waiting for my response. Damn,
I’m really screwing this up. Come on Bailey, you can do this!
“Okay, look Bailey, I don’t have all night. As you can see we’re bu...
I interrupt him by blurting, “I was a bartender for four years while I was
in college. It was what helped pay for my schooling. The place I worked at
was a high-end restaurant that catered to the rich. There was a bar at the
restaurant so I know a little about that kind of work. However, I do realize
that it is much different than your place, but I’m willing to learn. If you just
give me a chance, I promise to do the best that I can.” I take a deep breath
and add in a small voice, “Please, I really need this job.”
Once more, he just stares at me with his irresistible eyes. There’s no
way I can take my eyes off his. He’s really starting to make me feel
uncomfortable. Finally, after what seems like ten minutes but can only have
been a minute or two, he asks, “Why do you need this job?”
“I’ve been on the road for a while and running low on cash. I came
across this town and it looked like a nice place to settle. As it is to be my
new home, I need to find a way to make money.”
“Why were you on the road? You don’t have a place to get back to?”
“My reasons are my own. Just know that I’ll be here for a while and I’m
a very hard worker.” There is no way I’m telling him the reason why I’m
traveling. More often than not people look at you with pity once they find
out you are a poor pathetic person that allowed a man to beat on and abuse
you for years. Although I may not be staying here in this town for too long,
I still don’t want people looking at me with pity. I perfected the art of hiding
my feelings throughout the years. I have no plans of changing now.
“How old are you?” He asks.
“Twenty-Four.” I tell him.
“Have you ever worked around rowdy drunks before?”
“No.”
“It gets pretty crazy around here at times. Some of these men can be
dicks and like to play with the women. I try to keep things calm, but there
are times when I’m not around. Think you can handle that?”
His words make me nervous. I start to shake and the top of my head
starts to tingle. I’m used to having men touch me, thanks to Steven’s
extracurricular activities. However, those times were forced on me. I had no
choice in the matter. Here though, I would have a choice. Could I be brave
enough and tell them to keep their hands to themselves? The scared and
battered woman inside me says no. The strong and courageous side of me
that is trying to break through says yes. Do I really have a choice? If I turn
down this job, I will be left broke, in more ways than one.
I inhale a deep breath, straighten my spine and look him square in the
eyes and say, “Yes.”
He regards me like he doesn’t know what to make of me. Like he’s not
sure if he should believe me.
“Alright, Bailey, how about this? I’ll give you one week to prove that
you have what it takes to work here. Your first day I’ll have Mia show you
around a bit so you can get a feel for the place. I’m in desperate need of
help so on your second day I’ll have you working the bar more on your
own.”
Relief floods through me and I nod my head, which causes his attention
to shift from my eyes to my hair, right where it falls on my face over my
scar. I immediately glance down in hopes that he didn’t see it.
“Be here tomorrow at three to fill out paperwork. Mia will be here and
she’ll show you around and let you know what you’ll be doing. Because
you’ll be working around food and drinks, you’ll need to pull your hair
back.”
My lungs seize with his last words. Oh God, I haven’t thought about
that. I hate exposing my face for others to see. There could be questions that
I can’t answer. There could be speculations that I’ll have no choice but to
put to rest. All I want is to lay low and mind my own business. It’s bound to
spread around that there’s a new woman in town with a jagged scar on her
face. The more people that notice me, the bigger the chance of Steven
finding me.
Jaxon interrupts my thoughts by asking, “Is that a problem?”
I look up and see him watching me carefully waiting to see my reaction
to his question. Me, being the queen of hiding my feelings, making sure my
emotions are not plastered on my face and reply with a simple, “No.”
“Good.” With a nod in my direction, he takes off down the bar to help
his customers.
As I watch him walk away, I let my shoulders drop. What have you
gotten yourself into Bailey? Can I really do this? Can I open myself up
enough to let people see my scar? I feel my anxiety start to rise and I have
to force myself not to hyperventilate. Some people may think I’m over
reacting, but they really have no clue the fear I live with on a daily basis.
The fear that Steven will find me.
Steven has many contacts throughout the country. I have no doubt that if
I stay here long enough he will eventually find me and I can’t let happen. I
know he won’t let me get away this time. Oh no, he’ll have his fun with me
and then finish me off. His exact words the last time I saw him were, “I’ll
kill you before I let you go! You hear me, you stupid bitch? You’re mine!”
He said this while squeezing my throat as he raped me.
Cutting off that train of thought I force myself not to call Jaxon back
and tell him I changed my mind about the job. I literally have no choice but
to accept. I could wait until something else opens up but I’m sure that not
many jobs become available in a town of this size. And when they do, I’m
sure they get filled by the locals pretty quickly.
After glancing around one last time; trying to imagine myself working
here, I grab my purse and hop off the stool. Once I reach the door, I turn
around and look back. I see Jaxon casually leaning on the bar in front of the
same woman. It looks like they are having an intimate conversation. He
suddenly glances over the woman’s shoulder and sees me watching him.
His brow puckers as we stare at each other. Even from this far away his
eyes mesmerize me. They suck me in and it’s impossible to look away.
Suddenly, he gives his head a little shake and breaks our contact. He
returns his gaze back to the woman in front of him. Right before I turn back
towards the door, I see him lift his hand and grab a curl that has escaped the
woman’s up-do hair. I don’t know why, but this bothers me. I don’t like to
think of him touching another woman. Of course, I don’t want him touching
me either; I have no desire for any man to ever touch me again, but I
definitely don’t want him touching anyone else either.
I quickly exit the building and return to my car. Now that I’ve found a
job I can finally relax and get some much needed sleep. I still have no place
to stay so it looks like I’ll be sleeping in my car. I decide to pull into the
library parking lot and use that as my resting spot.
Once I park my car I reach back and grab the pillow and blanket I have
stashed behind my seat. After locking my door, I lean back against it with
my blanket tucked around me and close my eyes. It doesn’t take me long
before I drift off to sleep.
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Three
I simply lay there with my head to the side the entire time. There are more of
them than usual and I’m grateful that this time he decided to give me the
drugs. I feel weightless, like I’m not really there, but I know that I am. I
know what’s happening, but I don’t care. My vision is blurring in and out
and my hearing, at best, sounds as though I am stuck in a tunnel. I feel and
see, virtually nothing. I wish it could be this easy every time, but no, he
enjoys my pain too much. I’m surprised he was lenient on me this time, but
no matter, he knows that even though I am drugged tonight I will remember
everything tomorrow. Tomorrow the pain will start again. A lone tear slips
from my eye.
My vision briefly clears as I’m jostled around and my eyes land on him.
He’s sitting in a plush burgundy chair. He’s still fully clothed except for his
zipper is undone. He has his dick out and he’s stroking it. He rarely joins
during these gatherings. He always sits to the side and watches. He watches
me with accusing eyes, like I’m the one that puts me in these situations. It’s
like he blames me, and he always punishes me afterwards.
Right now, his eyes carry hatred and heat. He enjoys it, but hates me for
it. I know from that one look that my punishment tonight will be severe. I am
powerless to do something. All I can do or even want to do at the moment,
because of the drugs, is lay there and stare blankly, waiting for it to be over.
When the others finally leave I’m left lying on my stomach with my arms
stretched out above my head and my legs left open. Through my fuzzy vision
I see him getting up and walking towards me. It’s coming, but I can’t move.
I can’t stop it. I feel the bed dip as he climbs on it. He’s out of my limited
vision so I can’t see what he’s doing. All of a sudden I feel him between my
legs. He grabs my hair and violently yanks my head back. In my ear I hear
him say, “Did you like that, my Pet? Well, we haven’t even begun.” And
with that he rams himself inside me....
I jerk awake and immediately taste the bile that’s trying to come up. I barely
get my door open in time to lose the contents of my stomach. This happens
more often than not. The more vivid the dreams, the worse it is. Some
nights the dreams are more vivid than others, and just when I think I might
be getting over them one grips me and pulls me under again.
I know that I need professional help. I just can’t stay in one place long
enough to warrant seeking it. Not to mention therapists want you to sell
your souls to the devil himself to pay for their services. Steven’s taken
everything else from me; I refuse to give him my soul as well.
I reach over and grab my bottle of water off the passenger seat and rinse
and spit the foul taste from my mouth. After I close the door, I pick up my
phone and see that it’s almost ten o’clock. I also see that I have two missed
calls from Chris. I must have really been deep in my dream to have missed
both of her calls. Before she decides to send out the Calvary, I call her to
ease her worried mind.
“Hi.” I say when she picks up on the first ring. Even to my own ears my
voice sounds scratchy and tired.
“Oh my God, Bailey, you’ve had me so worried! Where have you
been?” She says, nearly shouting in my ear.
“I’m sorry. I was so exhausted last night from driving that I guess I
didn’t hear the phone when you called. I had a really rough night.” That was
the understatement of the year.
“Bad dreams again?” She asks. It wasn’t until about a month after I left
that I told Bailey about my dreams. After an especially bad one I woke up
hyperventilating, thinking Steven had caught up with me. Chris called on
the verge of me passing out. She knew immediately that something was
wrong. Luckily, she was able to calm me down over the phone. It was then
that I confessed that I started having them right after I left Steven.
“Yes,” I sigh. “This one was really bad. I woke up sick again.”
“Oh, Bailey, I’m so sorry, honey. I wish there were something I could
do.” There was such sadness in her voice that it broke my heart. She was
almost as affected by the dreams as I was. She always felt so helpless
because there was nothing she could do to help alleviate my pain. I love this
woman so much. She was more than a friend, she was my sister. And I
know she loves me just the same. I know that if there was a way for her to
take the pain away from me she would. Hell, I know this woman would
endure the pain for me. Of course, I would never ask or allow that to
happen, though. This is my pain, and I have to learn how to deal with it.
In an attempt to change the subject, I tell her about my new job. “I
found a job last night. I start today at three o’clock.”
“Oh wow! That was fast! What will you be doing?” She asks.
This is the tricky part. I know that she won’t approve of me working in
a rough bar. Chris loves me, but I know she considers me weak when it
comes to men. I can’t really blame her. All the men in my life up to this
point have been abusive. Bars such as Jaxon’s pub tend to occupy men that
have perpetual attitude problems and have domineering ways. In Chris’s
eyes working there will be asking for trouble. Unfortunately, I don’t have a
choice and Chris will just have to understand that. I know I have my work
cut out for me explaining this to her.
I find it best to just blurt it out and get it over with.
“I’ll be bartending at a local bar here. The first week will be a trial run
to see how well I do.”
And as expected she starts her protest.
“Bailey, are you sure you’re up for that? I mean, I know you’ve tended a
bar in the past, but working in an actual bar is completely different than
working in a restaurant bar. Men tend to get rambunctious and loose with
their tongues and hands when they’ve had a few drinks. I just don’t see you
handling it very well if some drunk decides he wants you as his plaything.”
See, I told you so. But then again, I have to agree with her. I probably
won’t handle it very well if some guy starts putting his hands on me. I can’t
even keep it together after one of my dreams. I can only imagine how I will
freak out if some drunk touches me. Doubts start swirling in my head. Did I
make the right choice? Is me working in a bar really a smart decision? Can I
force myself to keep it together if someone comes onto me? It’s bound to
happen. I may not be the prettiest girl, but when men get drunk, their libidos
don’t really care what a woman looks like. For many men they don’t even
care if a woman is willing or not.
Even though these thoughts are running a rampage through my head the
fact remains that I don’t have a choice. Not if I want to stay one step ahead
of Steven. And that’s one thing I am desperate to do, even if I do have to
come to terms with men looking, flirting, and touching me. As long as the
touching doesn’t get out of hand. Jaxon said he tries to keep the peace and I
have to trust that he’s a good businessman.
Coming back to the conversation with Chris I tell her, “I don’t really
have a choice, do I? I’m almost out of money and I have no way of coming
up with more. I don’t even have enough for gas to go to the next town. As it
is, I’m staying in my car until I can find a place to stay. I don’t want to work
there, but life is full of things we don’t want. Believe me; I know all about
not wanting things but being forced into them anyway.”
“Maybe I can come up...” She starts, but I don’t let her finish.
“No!” I interrupt her. I knew she would try to offer more money, but
there’s no way I can accept it. She’s done so much for me already. The guilt
I feel for all the help she’s given eats at me. There is no way I can repay her
for everything she has done. Although we are friends I still feel indebted to
her.
“I really appreciate the offer, Chris, but you’ve given me enough
already. I need to try and do this on my own. If I get to the point where I
really need it, I’ll ask. I’m not at that point yet. Hopefully, I never will be.”
“Okay, Bailey. I’ll leave it for now. But please let me know if you need
more money. I’ll come up with it somehow. You know I love you and
would do anything for you.”
Tears sting my eyes at her words. God, what did I ever do to deserve
this woman? “I know you do, and I love you too,” I whisper.
After I promise to call her tonight and we say our goodbyes, I decide to
explore the town. I figure it would be best to know where everything is
since I’ll be staying awhile. My first stop is a convenient store where I hope
there is a public restroom so I can change and freshen up.
Grabbing some clothes and my toiletries, I stuff them into my backpack
and get out of my car. I lock my door and pocket the keys. The town is so
small that you can park just about anywhere and still be in walking distance
to all the little businesses.
The sign out front of the convenient store says “Evelyn’s Market.”
When I make it inside, I notice that it is not only a convenient store, but
also a deli and mini grocery store. There are several cases that hold hot and
cold deli items. I see six aisles with shelves full of canned goods, dry foods,
boxed foods, and your everyday staples.
In the far back, hanging from the ceiling, is a big sign that announces a
public restroom. With a sigh of relief, I head to the back of the store.
Once I enter the bathroom, I go straight to the last stall. Luckily, it is a
handicap stall that’s big and has its own sink. I immediately strip my
clothes off. Wetting the washcloth that I brought with me, I commence in
giving myself an old fashioned “whore’s bath.” Once done, I pull on a fresh
pair of panties, a bra, a pair of jeans with holes in the knees, and a “Walking
Dead” t-shirt. After slapping on some deodorant and brushing my teeth, I
flip my hair over the sink and wash my hair. I dry it the best I can with my
hand towel. After brushing my hair, I feel almost normal again. I am as
fresh as I can be without taking an actual bath.
Coming out of the restroom, I decide to wait on getting something to eat
until right before I am due to be at Jaxon’s Pub. I don’t know how long the
job will last so I need to conserve the money I have just in case it doesn’t
work out.
On my way back to the library I see a volunteer fire station on a side
street. Right across the street is the ‘Jaded Hollow Police Department’.
Okay, good to know where that is, I think to myself. Every town I stop in I
always look for the police station, just in case. On another side street I
notice a tall building that says it’s an elementary, middle, and high school.
After dropping my backpack off at my car, the entrance to the library
calls my name. It’s one of the smallest libraries I’ve ever seen. Straight
ahead, once you walk in the door, is a counter where you checkout and
return books. To the right, there are three small tables that have four chairs a
piece. Beyond the tables, there are tall bookshelves creating aisles. Beside
the tall bookshelves are two shorter bookshelves that hold children's books.
Pulling my book out of my purse, I sit at one of the tables. I discovered
a new passion when I hit the road. I absolutely adore reading romance
books. During one of my stops at the beginning of my trip I stumbled across
a library that was giving books away. All you had to do was make a
donation. In an attempt to keep myself occupied when I wasn’t driving I
picked out two books and donated two dollars. Those two books were
lifesavers. I’ve picked up several more since then at thrift stores. Now, I am
completely addicted to reading how others get their happily ever afters. I
know it is fake, but if I can’t have it in real life, I can at least enjoy it in
fiction. My current story is about a couple that has been together since high
school. The man and woman have teenage kids now. The hero of the story
gets kidnapped and tortured while doing a tour overseas. Throughout the
book it shows glimpses of the couple’s life together. It may sound like it
won’t end well, but I know it does. I always peek at the end of a book, just
to make sure. I only read happily ever after books. I’m already living a life
that will have a terrible ending. I don’t want to read about bad endings as
well. Nope, only happy endings for me.
I’m so caught up in my book that I don’t realize how late it is getting. I
glance at my phone and shoot up out of my chair. It’s already 2:30! Crap!
Thank God the town’s small or I’ll never make it in time for my first day of
work.
I reluctantly stuff my book back in my purse and make my way towards
the exit. On my way out the door, I note a small shelf of books. On top of
the shelf is a box that has a sign on top of it. It advertises free books with a
donation. Pulling out four precious quarters, I drop them in the box and pick
out a book. I’m almost finished with my current book and it’s my last one. I
know I shouldn’t spend the money, even though it is only a dollar, but I
need the relief and release the books give me. After carefully putting the
book away in my purse, I make my way out the door and quickly walk the
couple of blocks back to my car.
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Four
I purposely wear my hair down, hoping that no one will say anything. I
know Jaxon told me I had to wear it up, but until he or Mia tells me again,
I’m leaving it down. I’ve come to realize that I can be stubborn when I want
and feel safe enough to be.
I pull my car around the back of the bar, where I’m assuming employees
park. There is a little black four-door Audi A4 and a black motorcycle
already sitting in two parking spaces. I park my car beside the Audi, shut
off my car, and get out. After locking my door, I dump my keys in my purse
and make my way to the front of the building. I try the door in the back but
apparently it locks from the inside.
I ascend the steps that lead to the front door. My first thought as I walk
inside is that the place looks a lot different during the day. There is no
music playing and it seems brighter than it did last night. All of the chairs
are flipped upside down and placed on the tables. The sign out front says
they open at two, but there are only two patrons inside. One is at the bar and
the other in the far corner. I slowly approach the bar where I see Mia wiping
down some glasses.
“Hey,” I say.
She glances up and unhurriedly turns her body towards me. The first
place her eyes land is on my hair. Please don’t say anything. Please don’t
say anything, I chant over and over in my head. God must have heard my
prayers because she simply shrugs her shoulders and continues drying the
glasses.
After two more glasses she puts down her rag and walks to the end of
the bar, lifts a portion of it, and motions with her other hand for me to come
behind the counter with her. Once I’m standing beside her, she lowers the
partition. It looks entirely different being on this side of the bar. There are
tons of drying racks that house several different size glasses. There are also
several small refrigerators.
“You can put your purse under the bar there,” Mia says while gesturing
towards a small cubby hole underneath the bar. A small purse is already
lying there, which I assume is Mia’s. I bend down to place mine beside
hers. When I stand back up Jaxon is standing right in front of me on the
other side of the counter. I jump and yelp.
While I try to calm my racing heart, I notice today he’s wearing a black
thermal shirt with the sleeves pushed up to just below the elbows. His
vibrant tattoos are peeking out. I can also see he has tattoos that run over his
fingers as well. He’s still wearing his necklace and wristband. I can’t see
below his waist, but I bet he’s wearing jeans again. He seems like a jeans
kind of guy. Just as my eyes are taking him in his are doing the same of me.
However, whereas mine are taking in his beauty, his are accessing the hair
that still hangs in my face.
“I thought I told you to put your hair up. I can’t have you around food
with it hanging in your face. The health inspector would have my ass if he
saw you in here with your hair down like that. If you can’t already follow
directions then you might as well leave now and save us both the trouble
later.”
Well, so much for trying to get away with leaving my hair down. I knew
it was a long shot, but I had to give it a try. I just hope the people here fall
into the category of ignoring instead of being nosy and asking questions.
“No, please, I just forgot to pull it back,” I say as I reach into my pocket
for a hair tie. Taking a deep breath I turn my head away from him, gather
the mass of brown hair and pull it up into a low ponytail. Even with it up it
still reaches past my bra strap. Other than the plain russet color I love my
hair. It’s full, thick, and goes down to the middle of my back.
When I turn back around to face Jaxon, I hear a sharp intake of breath
from Mia, who is still standing beside me, the side my scar is on. It doesn’t
take Jaxon long to notice the scar either. I see him clench his jaw and his
hands that are resting on the bar balled into fists.
“What happened to your face?” He asks.
It actually surprises me that he asks me. I pegged him as the type that
would ignore something like this. I figured he wouldn’t want to get
involved with issues that weren’t his concern.
I glance down at his question. This is why I hate showing my scar. I am
never fully prepared when someone asks me about it. What am I supposed
to say? Oh, you know, the usual. My husband was in one of his moods and
decided to push me down the stairs. Nothing new there. Yeah, definitely not
saying that. I normally try to stick closest to the truth as I can. It’s easier to
keep up with the lies if it’s the altered truth.
“It’s nothing. I fell down the stairs a few months ago.” I tell him.
“Look at me.” He growls.
Startled at his tone, I quickly look up at him.
“What happened to your face, Bailey?” He asks again.
The intensity and anger that flashes in his eyes surprises me. It also
scares me a little. He has no right to be angry. He doesn’t know me. He
doesn’t know what happened to me. I can understand some men getting
upset about women being abused, but he has no clue as to what could have
caused my scar. Why give off such an intense reaction to my answer? And
why demand more of an answer than what I have given him? Why would
he care? The answers don’t matter. I’m not giving him more than I already
had. It’s none of his business.
“I told you, I fell down the stairs. When I hit the bottom, my face
smashed into a table.” I tell him defiantly. What is it about him that causes
me to step out of my safe and protective shell and have the ability to take a
stand for myself? Normally I’m shy and withdrawn around people. Not so
much with Jaxon.
Eyes still blazing, he says, “You’re lying.” And then turns from me to
face Mia. “Paperwork and then show her the basics for the next few hours.”
He turns and strides towards a darkened hallway and disappears.
I can see frown lines popping up on Mia’s face as she watches Jaxon
walk off. When she turns back around to face me, her expression has
cleared and I wonder if I imagined the sad lines. Her eyes briefly flutter
over to my scar before she gives her head a small shake and turns away.
“He’s your brother right?” I ask her.
“Yes.” Is her one-word reply. Obviously Mia isn’t much of a talker.
She moves down to the other end of the bar and I follow her. She
reaches down and grabs some papers and a pen off the counter beside the
register. Turning back in my direction, she offers me the papers and pen.
“Here are the papers you need to fill out. It’s just a generic application to
get some basic information from you. When you finish, let me know and
I’ll show you how to get things ready for the evening crowd.”
I watch as she moves down to the other end of the bar and starts
unloading cases of beer and placing them in the small fridges.
I set the papers down on the counter and rest my elbows on either side
of them. The application in front of me is pretty standard. It requests the
usual information; name, address, phone number, previous employment,
etc. Unfortunately, giving the usual information could be dangerous for me.
Instead of putting down my married name, Montgomery, I put my
maiden name, Winsor. Of course, my maiden name isn’t much better
considering the life I had as a child. I hate being attached to either name.
Steven knows I hate the name Winsor so hopefully he won’t look for me by
that name. Luckily, I still have my old driver’s license in my maiden name.
I had lost it when I went to get a new one in my married name. I found it
again several months later behind Steven’s dresser one day while I was
cleaning.
Now, on to the address. This is going to be tricky. As I’m currently
living out of my car, I don’t have an address to put down. I don’t want
people to pity me if they know. I decide to just leave it blank for now and if
asked come up with a lie. I’ve gotten good at lying.
I write down my phone number, a few other snippets of information and
move onto employment history. I told Jaxon that I worked as a bartender
before, which I have, but I lie again about where. I don’t want to take any
chances of him asking questions where I used to live. Steven has a lot of
people in his pocket and if someone starts asking questions, it may lead him
here.
After a couple more bits of information I set the pen and pick up the
papers and start looking around for Mia. I glance down to the end of the bar
where I last saw her but she’s not there. In her place is Jaxon.
He’s casually leaning on the bar with his hands in his pockets watching
me. As I suspected earlier, he’s wearing a pair of jeans that hang low on his
trim hips. The knees are so worn that there are holes starting to form. He
has a chain that runs from a belt loop to the back of his pants, where I’m
assuming it attaches to his wallet. His brows are puckered like he’s trying to
figure something out, but just can’t quite grasp it. We both just stand there
and stare at each other.
I’m frozen solid when I realize we are alone in the bar. I don’t do well
being alone with men. Can you blame me? Every man in my life that was
supposed to cherish and protect me has done nothing but scream, hit, kick,
or do numerous other hideous things to me. Men scare me. I never know
what they’re thinking or what they’ll do next. They’re unpredictable and I
don’t trust them.
Jaxon suddenly stands straight and starts walking towards me. I become
unglued from my spot and start moving backward. If there’s one thing I like
less than being alone with a man, it’s being in close proximity with a man. I
shiver and start to shake at the thought of Jaxon getting closer. My heart is
racing a mile a minute, like it’s trying to beat out of my chest. My palms
become sweaty and my vision watery. Jaxon continues to stalk towards me.
I bump into something behind me and glass rattles. It startles me and I
gasp. As Jaxon gets closer to me, I realize that he’s not stopping. I break out
into a sweat and my breathing has become ragged. What is he going to do
to me once he reaches me? The look on his face has switched from
confusion to a look that scares me. His odd colored eyes look hard and his
jaw is clenched. His hands are balled into fists.
Why does he look so mad? Is it something I did to make him so angry?
What if he fires me? Oh God, what if he hits me? I know it’s irrational to
think this way. I know I’ve done nothing to warrant his anger. But I can’t
stop the thoughts from forming in my head. Years of abuse does that to a
woman. Many of the times I was abused as a child and then as an adult I
never knew what brought on the anger.
My breathing becomes more erratic the closer Jaxon gets. My vision
starts to blur because I’m breathing so hard. I’m backed up against the
counter so I have nowhere else to go to get away. He’s getting closer. In my
mind, Jaxon is replaced by Steven. He’s furious and I know the blows are
about to come. Tears start to form in my eyes. He’s only a few steps away
from me now.
In an attempt to ward off the blows, I duck my head and throw my arms
up to either side of it, dropping the papers that are still clutched in my hand
in the process. I clasp my hands behind my head and tuck my elbows in
front of my face.
“No, please. I swear I didn’t do anything.” I whisper.
“Sweet Jesus,” I hear muttered in return. I feel hands lightly grab my
arms and I huddle even tighter into myself.
“Please, don’t hurt me. I swear I’ll be good, just please don’t hurt me.” I
manage to whisper past the lump of emotions stuck in my throat. My cries
are becoming hysterical, making it hard to take in air.
“Fuck!” A voice hisses as I feel arms wrap around me. I stiffen. What is
Steven doing? He’s never—not once—comforted me, especially during one
of his rants.
Begging usually spurs him on more. I’ve learned to not give in to
begging. It just makes it worse. It’s what he wants. I normally just lie there
and take the beating. This time though I give into the impulse to beg. I
thought I managed to get away, but he found me.
I slowly start to realize that it’s not Steven’s arms that I’m wrapped in.
These arms are much stronger and firmer. They are gentle and warm. They
wrap around me as though I’m in a cocoon. They’re not hurting me. They
have a firm hold around me, but it’s not suffocating. They feel protective,
like their purpose is to keep me safe, not harm me.
The smell is different than Steven’s as well. Steven always smelled of
expensive cologne and the foul stench of his cigars. What I smell now is
nice. It reminds me of nature; pine, fresh cut grass, and how it smells just
before it rains. It’s soothing and calming.
Although I know I’m in another man’s arms I start to relax. It feels
incredibly good to be sheltered in another person’s arms, even if it is a
man’s. I’m surprised at my acceptance of willingly staying there.
As I stand there crying wrapped in my own personal cocoon reality
starts creeping back in. I know that it’s Jaxon’s arms that are wrapped
around me. My hands are no longer wrapped around the back of my head;
they’re resting on the firm, hard chest that’s in front of me. My face is
planted smack dab in the middle of his chest as well. I take a deep breath
and curl my fingers a little. I feel so safe at the moment that I want to grab
on to anything and everything and never let go. I know that the feeling is a
false hope. I’ll never be safe.
I slowly start to pull away from his welcoming warmth. I reluctantly
drop my hands from his chest and take a step back. He doesn’t let me get
too far. He grabs my arms gently and takes a deep breath. His eyes are
intense again, but this time they don’t scare me.
I peek up at him through my eyelashes and mutter a “sorry.”
He bends down so we are eye to eye, but before he can speak Mia asks,
“What in the hell is going on?”
I glance at her and see her standing at the other end of the counter
watching us. The expression in her eyes carries worry. I quickly look at the
two patrons that are still in their seats. They have their eyes trained on us as
well. Embarrassed and ashamed that they witnessed my mental breakdown I
look away from them and back at Jaxon.
He ignores Mia’s question and continues to stare at me with his
stunning eyes, eyes that hold secrets. They’re sad, but I can tell the sadness
is not directed solely at me. I don’t know how I can tell, but I know that
Jaxon has his own personal hell that he lives in.
“What the fuck was that?” He asks me quietly.
I squeeze my eyes shut tight and let out a shaky breath and say,
“Nothing.”
“Nothing? You call that nothing, Bailey? You just freaked the fuck out
when I all I did was walk toward you. That was not just ‘nothing’. Tell me
what the fuck that was.” He says with a sharp edge to his voice.
“Please, Jaxon, just leave it alone. I have panic attacks sometimes,
okay? I’m fine now. Mia’s here and I’m done with my paperwork. I would
really like for her to show me the ropes around here so I can start doing my
job.” I swear this man makes me run hot and cold. Sometimes I feel safe
enough to quietly take my stand while other times he intimidates the hell
out of me and all I want to do is crawl into a corner and hide. I recall being
cradled in his arms and how safe I felt being there. Besides Chris I don’t
think anyone has ever held me before.
He continues to stare into my eyes like he’s trying to see into my soul
for the answers he’s seeking. I may have panic attacks, but for the most part
I’m pretty good at hiding my feelings.
Steven is the prosecuting attorney in our town. As such, we either
attended many social functions or had to host them ourselves. As his wife, I
was expected to act with social grace and decorum. Little did people know
that I was quietly dying inside and scared of the repercussions that I would
face if I didn’t act to the best of my ability.
Jaxon finally releases my arms, straightens, and takes a step back from
me. His eyes stay on mine for another minute before he turns on his heel
and walks away, silently muttering to himself. Again, he disappears down
the hallway. Another minute passes before I hear a door slam.
I glance in Mia’s direction and she’s eyeing me with a ‘what the fuck’
expression. I look away from her and notice that the one patron that was in
the corner is gone. The person that was at the bar is still there and is
watching me like I would fall apart at any moment. Funny thing is I’ve been
so emotionally damaged that I feel like there’s an internal bomb in my
psyche that is just waiting to explode.
I quickly bend down to pick up the papers that I dropped during my
freak out and walk towards Mia to hand them to her. “They’re finished.”
Like her brother, she continues to stare at me, this time her expression is
a little softer. After a minute or so she takes the papers from me and glances
down to peruse them.
“You forgot to put your address down.” She says.
“Oh, um...” I quickly come up with a cover story. “I just moved in with
someone and I don’t remember the address. When I get home, I’ll make
sure to write it down and bring it tomorrow.” I just hope she forgets to ask
me for it tomorrow.
She shrugs and places the papers on the counter, “Follow me and I’ll
show you around.”
She leads me towards the hallway. The first door on the right, directly
behind the bar is the kitchen, which holds the usual industrial size kitchen
appliances you see in restaurants. The next door is the utility closet. Further
down the hallway on the left is the break room, which also has several
lockers that the staff uses.
“We don’t really use it.” She says. “We’re either too busy to take breaks,
spend them out on the floor with the staff and customers, or hang out in the
kitchen with Hoots, our cook.”
The next door on the left leads to the basement, which is also the
stockroom. After a brief tour of the stockroom Mia leads me back upstairs.
The last door on the left is the employee exit that leads to the back of the
building. It’s the door that I saw from the outside when I first arrived. The
only door left is the one at the end of the hall.
“That’s Jax’s office. It stays locked when he’s not here. If he is here and
the door is closed, knock first. If it’s open, you can go in. Understand?”
“Yes,” I mumble.
She leads me back to the front and starts explaining what needs to be
done before the crowd starts arriving. It’s all pretty basic stuff. Make sure
that all the drinks are stocked, including the taps, which she shows me how
to do, take down the chairs and wipe down the tables, ensure everything is
in its proper place, cash drawer has the right amount of cash, etc.
By the time we’re done, I’m exhausted. The nightmare I endured,
sleeping in my car, becoming acquainted with my new town, my break
down from earlier, and learning the ins and outs of working here have
finally caught up with me. It was closing in on six o’clock. Mia says the
evening crowd will start showing soon.
Just then Jaxon walks out of the hallway, takes one glance at me and
says, “Go home.”
My lungs freeze and I feel my body tense up. Is he firing me? Is it
because of my freak out from earlier? I can’t lose this job. It’s my only hope
to save money so I can stay one step ahead of Steven. I’m just opening my
mouth to beg him when he says, “Be here tomorrow at five and you can get
your first feel of how it is during busy hours.”
I sag as relief floods through me. Not fired, okay, good. Although I’m
still nervous about working here it’ll be refreshing to have something to do.
I haven’t worked in a couple of years.
“I’ll be here,” I tell him.
“With your hair up.” He returns.
“Yes,” I reply tartly.
He arches his eyebrow that carries the two rings and smirks at me.
Whatever. I’ve already revealed my scar so wearing my hair back tomorrow
won’t really matter now.
I leave using the employee exit. I notice as I make my way to my car
that it’s starting to get dark. A sudden chill takes over my body. While I
unlock my car, I take a much-needed deep breath and I can swear I smell
the sweet tang of Steven’s Cuban cigars. I freeze and take another deep
breath, but the smell is no longer there. It has to be my imagination, I tell
myself. I’m still a little on edge from my episode earlier. There’s no way
he’s found me again.
Yet.
A voice whispers in my head. I shake my head to clear the voice away
and take a steadying breath.
I start my car and head back to my temporary resting spot in the library
parking lot. Once I park I shut off the ignition, grab my small blanket and
pillow and recline back in my seat. I shoot Chris a quick message letting her
know that my first day of work went okay. Before I’m fully nestled into my
seat, I’m already drifting off into an unsettled sleep.
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Five
The pain is unbearable. Excruciating. He’s being specifically cruel tonight.
I have no idea why, just like many of the other times he’s hurt me.
“You’ve been a bad, bad girl, my Pet. How many times do I have to tell
you that I won’t tolerate naughty girls?” Steven says while I feel a piercing
hot pain on my back from the self-made flogger he’s using. The flogger that
Steven customized to have tiny needles at the end of the tails. He’s used it
before on me, but he’s never put so much force into his swings.
“Steven, please, I don’t know what I’ve done. Please tell me what I did
and I promise to never do it again. I promise to be a good girl.” I beg him
while I cry hysterically. I can’t not beg him tonight. The pain is just too
unbearable.
I feel the warm trails of blood that are trickling down my butt and legs.
My arms are hoisted above my head and tied to the beam that runs across
the ceiling. They are pulled up so high and tight that I’m standing on the
tips of my toes. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. It seems as
though Steven’s been at me for hours. My arms feel as though they’ll slip
out of their sockets any minute. Please God, let it be over soon. I whisper
the prayer in my head, but I know God doesn’t hear me. He never hears me.
“Oh, you know exactly what you did, Bailey. You know what you did
and you enjoyed doing it. Didn’t you, BITCH?” He screams the last at me
and strikes me twice again, even harder with the flogger.
Suddenly he’s in front of me and he has his hand wrapped around my
throat, squeezing hard. I feel him kick my legs apart, which puts more strain
on my arms. I’m practically hanging there by my arms. He takes the handle
of the flogger and jams it so far and hard inside me that it lifts me up a little
bit. The pain is all consuming. It feels as though he’s broke through some
vital organ in my body. He continues his assault by pulling it out and
ramming it back inside. He does this over and over again.
Just then I hear a shuffle behind me and I’m reminded that we’re not
alone. One of his associates is here as well. I feel him at my back and I
know what’s coming. Steven still has his hands wrapped around my throat
and my vision is starting to get blurry. I welcome the knowledge that soon
I’ll black out due to lack of oxygen.
As if he’s read my thoughts, he withdrawals the flogger and loosens his
hold on my throat. I gasp for air.
“Oh, no you don’t. You need to be fully awake for what we have planned
for you. You will learn how to obey me!”
The man behind me presses his front to my back and I cry out because
the course hair on his chest brushes against the open welts and cuts on my
back. He wraps one arm around my front and picks me up. I feel his other
hand at my bottom and a second later he impales his dick in my ass. I
scream at the sharp pain I feel in my bowels and try in vain to pull myself
up by my arms. It’s no use.
Steven is in my face again and his hand is back at my throat.
“Now, be a good girl, my Pet, and enjoy the lesson my dear friend and I
are going to teach you.” Again, he jams the end of the flogger in me at the
same time the man behind me lifts me and drops me back down on his
waiting shaft. I scream out in utter agony....
I wake up to a loud banging noise. I’m so off balance from the nausea
that’s rolling in my stomach that I don’t have time to look around me for the
noise that woke me. I frantically grab the car door handle and yank it before
I spew the contents of my stomach all over my car.
While I sit there half in and half out of my car dry heaving, I feel
someone pull my hair back from my face. Out the corner of my eye, I can
see a pair of white Ked sneakers.
“Oh my God, Bailey, are you okay?” Comes the hysterical voice of
Anna.
“I’m fine,” I mumble while trying to calm my breathing.
“I heard you screaming from all the way across the street. I thought
someone was hurting you. When I ran over here I saw that you were asleep
and dreaming. You were thrashing around and screaming “stop.” I tried to
open the door to wake you, but they were locked. You scared the daylights
out of me. Are you sure you’re okay?”
Little did she know someone was, indeed, hurting me, it was just in the
past tense, not the present.
I slowly sit up and grab the water bottle that’s on the passenger seat. I
take a big gulp to try and rid my mouth of the vile taste of vomit. “Yes, I’m
fine, thank you. I have terrible nightmares sometimes. They’re so awful that
I get sick to my stomach.”
Today I notice she’s wearing a pair of bright yellow skinny jeans and a
deep purple sweater that hangs off one shoulder. Her hair is down and it’s
flowing in golden waves down her back. She really is a beautiful woman.
“Why were you sleeping in your car anyway?” Anna asks.
Well, crap. How do I explain this question away? Luckily, she doesn’t
try and delve further about my nightmare. Since I have no ready excuse, I
give her the truth. Part of the truth anyway.
“I’m...uh...running a little low on cash. I’ll be staying in my car until I
make enough money to rent a cheap place.” It looks as though she’s going
to protest so I quickly add, “It’s fine. I don’t mind staying in my car. I’ve
done it before.”
“But...”
“Really, Anna, I’m okay. Staying in my car is the least of my
problems.”
Before she has a chance to ask about my last remark, I reach into the
back seat of my car and grab my backpack and purse. I quickly run my
brush through my hair, making sure it covers the side of my face I want to
keep hidden. When I turn back around and get out of my car Anna has her
hands in her tight pants pockets and she’s watching me with an enormous
smile on her face.
“I was just heading over to the diner. Want to go with me and grab some
breakfast?” She asks me excitedly.
As I’ve not had anything since early yesterday afternoon, I’m starving.
The money I have left is precious to me, but I know that I need to eat as
well. The last thing I need is to become sick because I’m not eating enough.
I give her a small smile and say, “Sure, I could do with some breakfast.”
I lock my car door and we make our way towards the diner on foot. As
we move along the sidewalk, I realize that Anna must know just about
everyone here in this little town. Several cars honk at Anna as they pass by
and give friendly waves. Some people step out of their businesses to yell a
greeting at her. There are plenty of “Hi, how are ya’s?” It must be so nice to
be so welcomed and loved in such a small community.
We walk into the diner a few minutes later and make our way to one of
the booths. As soon as we are seated a short woman wearing a pair of
sparkly black capri’s, a deep plum colored button up blouse, with the first
few buttons undone, and an apron approaches us. Her strawberry blonde
hair is piled high up on her head. She has on a bunch of gold and silver
bangles on both wrists and a pair of big hoop earrings. She’s also sporting a
pair of high black strappy heels. Shoes that shouldn’t be worn by a waitress
while at work. Although the outfit is ridiculous for the type of work she’s
doing, she looks darn good in it. Her name tag says she’s called Nitra.
“Hey, Anna girl, what are you doing here so early?” She asks while
propping a hand on her hip.
“Having breakfast with my new friend here. Bailey, meet Nitra. Nitra,
this is Bailey. She’s new in town and I’ve decided to take her under my
wing. She came in the diner for the first time the other night and I knew
right away that we were going to be great friends.” Anna finishes her
introduction with two claps of her hand.
Holy smokes! This girl really is something else. Her infectious
excitement causes me to laugh, something I haven’t done in a long, long
time. It feels strange to laugh, especially in the wake of a nightmare, but it
also feels really good.
Nitra turns my way and holds out her hand. “Nice to meet cha, Bailey.
How do you like our little town so far?”
I place my hand in hers and we shake. “I haven’t seen much, but from
what I have seen it seems like a nice place.”
“Of course it’s a nice place. Everybody knows everybody here. We’re
all family and look out for each other. What’s not to like?” Stopping to pull
out a notepad and pen, she continues talking. “So, what can I get for you
two this morning? Or do you need more time to decide.”
Before I get a chance to answer Nitra with my meager choice of a
muffin and water, Anna pipes up and orders what could probably feed an
army.
“We’ll have some bacon, sausage, eggs, hash browns, toast, and
pancakes, please. Double of everything. Oh, and have Cookie add some
whip cream and strawberries to the pancakes. Can you also bring us both
some orange juice and coffee?”
Nitra’s eyes nearly bug out of her head as Anna rambles off her list of
wants. Once she’s done writing everything down she walks off to put in our
massive order. There is no way Anna can eat all that. I realize what she’s
doing and I turn to her to protest. Before I get a chance, she’s out of her seat
and squealing like a child that just woke up on Christmas morning. I turn to
look at what has made her so giddy and see the man from the other night,
Nick, walking into the diner. He smiles really big at Anna and immediately
starts in our direction.
When he reaches our table, he scoops Anna up and plants a hard
smoldering kiss on her lips while swinging her around. It’s so hard to watch
these two. They make love look so easy. They have no worries and you can
tell they are both comfortable with each other.
When they finally break apart from their private moment Anna turns to
me while still holding onto Nick and says, “I want you to meet my new
friend, Bailey.”
It’s plain to see that Nick really doesn’t want to look away from Anna,
but he forces himself to anyway.
“Oh, hey, you were in here the other night right?” He asks while
pushing Anna into the booth and following to sit beside her.
“Uh, yeah, the night I got into town,” I tell him.
Nitra brings us our orange juice and coffee. She adds a third cup for
Nick. While pouring milk in his coffee Nick casually asks, “So, Bailey,
what brings you to Jaded Hollow?”
I’ve already prepared for this question so I answer him just as casually
while quaking inside, hoping he doesn’t see through my lie.
“I just needed a change of scenery. I’ve always wanted to travel and
nothing was holding me back, so I thought; ‘why not now?’” I glance down
to my coffee and pretend to stir it, even though I haven’t added anything to
it.
“That’s very brave of you to just up and leave like that.” I glance up
from my coffee to gauge his expression. Is he questioning my answer or is
he just making an observation? He’s looking at me like he doesn’t know
whether or not to believe me. Crap! I don’t need anyone doubting me.
People may become curious if they think my story is false.
Just then, Nitra walks up carrying our horrendous amount of food.
“Sweet Jesus, Anna! Were you planning on feeding a whole baseball
team?” Nick asks her.
Anna giggles, “Nope, I’m just extremely hungry. Someone’s been
keeping me busy the last couple of days and hasn’t let me up for air long
enough for me to eat.” She says this with a wink towards me.
Nick leans in and nuzzles her ear and whispers, loud enough for me to
hear, “Hmm...I wonder who that could be.”
I start to feel like I’m invading their private moment. I shift
uncomfortably in my seat. I’ve never been around people that are so relaxed
and carefree with each other.
Anna peeks at me and I think she notices how awkward I feel. She
nudges Nick back to his side of the booth and says, “Eat up, Bailey, before
it gets cold.”
I reluctantly grab an empty plate that Nitra left for us and start placing
small amounts of food on it. Nick just starts eating straight off the plates.
While Anna is piling her food on her plate, she asks me, “So, how do
you like working at my brother’s bar so far?”
I had no idea that Anna was Jaxon’s sister. Of course, there’s no way
that I would know since I just got here, but I figured there would be more of
a resemblance. Jaxon and Mia look just alike, while Anna looks nothing
like them. Jaxon and Mia must take after one parent while Anna favors the
other.
“It’s okay. I haven’t really gotten the opportunity to really work yet. All
I did yesterday was learn how to set up. Tonight I’ll be there when there’s
more of a crowd, so we’ll see.” I start shoveling food into my mouth. It
tastes so good that it feels like I haven’t eaten in a week.
“I’m sure you’ll do fine. You said you’ve done bartending before
right?”
“Yeah, I worked in a restaurant that had a bar for four years in college.
Actually, that’s what helped pay my way through school.” I decide to sneak
another piece of bacon and another scoop of eggs.
“See, you know what you’re doing. It may get rowdy there sometimes,
but most of the guys that go there are generally good natured. It’s not often
that things get out of hand. You just have to know when to let things slide
and when to stand up for yourself.”
Ha! That’s just the thing. I’m terrified of standing up for myself. All it’s
gotten me in the past is more pain. But I don’t tell Anna that. All I can do is
hope that the need for such bravery never comes up and that if it does I can
handle it and not have a panic attack.
A few minutes later Nitra comes back to our table to refill our coffee.
“How long are you in town this time, Nick?” She asks while refreshing my
mug.
Nick finishes chewing the huge bite of eggs he just stuffed in his mouth
and answers, “I head back out at the beginning of next week.”
“Oh wow, that must be a huge bummer for you, Anna. Didn’t you just
get back in town a couple days ago?”
Anna pouts her lips and says, “Yes. I hate it. Every time he leaves I
want to pull my hair out. I swear one of these days I’m going to surprise
him and just pack up and go with him.”
Nick leans over and rests his forehead on Anna’s and says, “Ah, Anna,
you know it kills me to leave you.”
“I know,” Anna sighs and gives him a sad smile.
Nick reaches up to cup Anna’s face and rubs her cheek with his thumb.
“I love you, Anna Banana.”
She reaches up to place her hand on top of his and replies, “I love you
too, Nick.”
What must it be like to be so in love? To completely trust someone with
your heart and soul and not worry about when the next painful punch or
kick will come. Once upon a time I thought I found that. Now, I know that
women like me never find that rare and precious gift. I’m not jaded enough
to believe it doesn’t exist, I just know that it doesn’t exist for me.
After a few more minutes of lovingly gazing into each other’s eyes, the
pair leaves their own private world and comes back to reality. Anna turns
towards me and explains Nick’s business trips.
“Nick owns his own construction company and has to go to different
sites to oversee the progress. There are times when he’s only gone for a day
or two, but others he’s gone for weeks. I would go with him, but my gram
needs me here to help run the diner.”
“You mean the older lady that was here the other night?” I ask her.
“Yep, that’s my gram.”
We sit in companionable silence while we finish up our food. Nick gets
up and pulls his wallet out of his back pocket and tells Anna he’s going to
take care of the bill.
“Wait,” I tell Nick while grabbing for my purse. “I’d like to pay for my
portion.”
I reach in to grab some money but before I can offer it to him he walks
off and Anna says, “No, Bailey, it’s on us.” She says softly. I glance at her
and she’s giving me sad and understanding eyes.
My eyes go wide and I protest, “What? No! I can’t let y’all pay for my
breakfast.”
“Oh yes, you can, missy. I invited you here and it was me that ordered a
huge meal. Besides, we get the employee discount.” She says, winking at
me.
My eyes start to mist. Anna is such a sweetheart. She must know that I
can’t afford to pay for a decent breakfast so she made it to where I couldn’t
say no to her offer. There is no way I could pay for everything I’ve eaten
today. I believe she specifically invited me so she could pay for my food. I
have to blink several times to keep my tears at bay.
“Thank you,” I whisper to her.
She doesn’t reply, but reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. If
given the chance, I know that we could be wonderful friends.
Unfortunately, I won’t be here long enough to let that friendship fully
blossom.
After Nick settles the bill, we make our way out of the diner. I, again,
thank Anna and Nick for breakfast and tell them I’ll see them later. Anna
confiscates my phone so she can put her number in it and makes me
promise to call her later to set up a time to have coffee tomorrow.
I make my way back to the convenient store where I took my whore’s
bath yesterday and proceed to do the same today. Once refreshed and in
clean clothes I head back to the library and grab my seat in the back. So I
don’t tempt fate and take the chance of being late for work, I set the alarm
on my phone, making sure I put it on vibrate. I settle back in my
comfortable chair and crack open my book, looking forward to losing
myself in the fictional world of love and make believe.
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Six
When I walk into the bar ten minutes before five there are more people than
there was yesterday when I left at five. Considering it’s Friday I would
expect no less. There are several people seated at the bar and a few more at
the tables. Three guys are over at the pool tables drinking beer and having a
merry ole time ribbing each other about their latest shots.
I look to the bar and see Mia standing there talking to one of the
customers. She acknowledges me with a chin lift and I head in her
direction. Lifting the partition, I place my jacket and purse underneath the
counter. Turning, I make my way towards Mia as I pull my hair into a
ponytail.
Tonight she’s wearing a black tube top that shows off her small pert
breasts. The bottom portion of her top flows loose around her waist. Her
jeans are well worn but hug her slim hips. There are several holes in the
material. On her feet is a pair of black leather biker boots.
She looks completely comfortable with her body. Not afraid to show it
off but also not flaunting it. She gives off a vibe that says I’m confident in
my looks. Unlike me with my loose jeans, green v-neck t-shirt, and
sneakers. Plain. Nondescript. Nothing special. These clothes work for me
though because they allow me to hide the parts of my physical being that I
want no one to notice.
Mia is still standing in front of the customer, talking when I walk up.
The customer notices me first, eyes briefly landing on my scar, and smiles.
“Well, hello there, gorgeous. Never seen you in these parts before. You
new in town?” He asks.
He’s wearing a gray and blue button up plaid shirt. The sleeves are
rolled up to his elbows that are resting on the bar. His dark brown hair is
shaggy and a touch too long. Although he has kind green eyes, I look to him
wearily.
“Yes, I’ve only been here a few days,” I answer him.
“Names Mac, and what might you be called?”
“Bailey.”
“It’s very nice to meet you, Bailey. You plan on staying in Jaded Hollow
long?” He picks up his beer that’s resting on the bar and takes a healthy
swig.
No. It’s too dangerous. I don’t say that though. Too many questions
would be asked. Questions that I can’t answer. Instead, I say, “Um...I
haven’t quite decided yet.”
“Well, if you need someone to show you around town then I’m your
guy. You just let me know.” He gives me a wink.
Before I could become too uncomfortable with the direction of the
conversation is going Mia steps in and saves the day. “Oh, stop harassing
the wait staff, Mac. She doesn’t need or want your flirty ways hounding
her.”
“Hey, I was just being friendly to the new girl in town. No harm in
that.” He gives off a wounded look, but his eyes give away his amusement.
Mia narrows her eyes at Mac and says, “There most definitely will be
harm if you run her off, you asshat. But the harm won’t be on her part, it’ll
be on yours. You get me?”
“Yeah, yeah, I got you, Mia. Cool your feathers, would ya. And get me
another beer woman!” He says this after downing the last of his beer. My
eyes become bigger and bigger and dart between the two while they stand
there and bicker at each other.
Mia’s eyes become even smaller slits. I can tell that Mac really enjoys
riling her up and is doing it on purpose. Mia props her hands on her tiny
waist and cocks a hip.
“Listen here, dick-face, I may be small but believe me, I can come up
with numerous ways to hurt you. Now, be a good little boy and ask nicely
for your beer or get the hell out of my bar. And leave the waitresses alone.”
They glare at each other for several minutes. If looks could kill, they
would both be six feet under by now. Without a doubt, there’s animosity
between them. I briefly wonder what happened between the two, but I
quickly squish the thought. It would be hypocritical of me to want to know
about their past when I’m not willing to give none of my own.
Eventually, it’s Mac that breaks the stare down. He takes his beer bottle
and gently pushes it across the bar towards Mia and says, “I would be ever
so grateful if you could get me another beer, Miss. Walker.”
Mia drops her hands and rolls her eyes. Huffing and mumbling, she
extracts a bottle of beer from one of the mini fridges, pops the top, and not
so gently places it in front of Mac. Foam starts to bubble over the top of the
bottle. She picks up a rag and tosses it to Mac and says, “Clean it up
yourself.” She then grabs my arm and drags me down to the other end of
the bar.
“Sorry about that. Mac can be a jerk sometimes and it really pushes my
buttons. Just ignore him from now on. If he needs anything, I’ll take care of
it. ” She says while placing some bottles from a box on the floor onto the
counter that’s in front of the mirror.
To help, I bend down to pick up a bottle from the box and say, “That’s
okay, I know all about men being jerks.” Crap! I did not just say that!
Please, please don’t let her question my comment.
I look at her out of the corner of my eye. She’s looking at me with sad
eyes and says quietly, “Yeah, I think you do.”
We continue unloading the few boxes in silence. It’s a comfortable
silence. I really like Mia. She seems like a strong woman. A woman that
would not take abuse from anyone. She looks like the type that would fight
back and say “fuck you” in the face of evil. I wish for all I was worth that I
had her backbone. She’s got attitude, but I can also see that she has a sweet
side to her as well. It’s a combination that makes a perfect woman. I envy
her. I’m weak and broken. What would it be like to be whole and
courageous?
“Hey, ladies. Can I get three shots of Jack and three bottles of
Yuengling, please?” We both turn to see a guy leaning on the bar. It’s one of
the guys that was playing pool when I first walked in.
Mia looks at me and says, “You’re up.”
Although it’s been two years since my waitressing stint and working a
bar, it comes back to me quickly. It’s like riding a bicycle for the first time
after years of not riding one. I am wobbly at first but find my bearings
pretty quickly.
Several more people come up and place their orders. In no time, I’m
whipping up their drinks and handing them off. There are a couple times I
have to ask Mia for the recipe for a particular drink. Whoever heard of a
drink called Freddy Fudpucker or Bend Over Shirley? I actually cringe a
little at the last.
More and more people come in and I start to relax. So much so that Mia
and I actually share a few jokes. The customers are friendly for the most
part. A couple guys try hitting on me, but Mia is beside me and stops it
before it can even start. She gives them the evil eye and they back off
immediately. It’s almost like she knows it could be my undoing.
The more relaxed I become, the more open and talkative she becomes.
Yesterday consisted of her telling me what to do and me doing it. Very little
talking needed or offered. Tonight, however, we both feel more comfortable
with each other.
Just then, Jaxon comes out of the hallway and walks over to the counter.
His spectacular eyes rake me from head to toe and I shrink a little. He must
have noticed my shrinkage because his eyes snap to mine and they carry a
small hint of displeasure. Still embarrassed at my breakdown from
yesterday I look down at the glass I’m drying.
“My office now, Bailey.” He then turns and walks back towards the
hallway, not looking to see if I’m following him.
I look over at Mia, who gives me encouraging eyes. It doesn’t help.
What does he want? And can I handle being in his office alone with him?
The last time I was alone with him didn’t go so well. A small trimmer runs
through me. He’s my boss. I can’t openly disobey him. I have no choice but
to see what he wants.
I slowly put down my rag and the glass I am drying. I lift the partition,
step through it, and lower it back down gently. My palms are sweating and
my heart is racing a mile a minute.
I walk down the hallway heading for his office feeling like I’m about to
meet my doom. I know that I’m being ridiculously dramatic, but I can’t
seem to help it. This man affects me in ways that both scare me senseless
and excites me to no end. The excitement is what worries me the most. I’m
used to being afraid of men and what they can do to a defenseless woman.
What I’m not used to is the feeling of safety. That’s what Jaxon makes me
feel. Safe. My gut tells me that he would never hurt me. I don’t trust it
though. How can I feel that way when I don’t really know him? He’s still a
complete stranger to me. Capable of anything.
His door is closed when I reach the end of the hall. I tentatively knock
on the hardwood.
“Come in, Bailey.” I hear his reply through the thick wood.
I release the breath I didn’t realize I was holding and open the door and
step through.
The room is of average size and consists of the ordinary items that an
office would have. There are two filing cabinets, a bookshelf that houses a
few books and knick-knack type items, and a small couch off to the right.
There’s even a potted plant that sits on a small round table in the corner. In
the middle of the room is an old, wood captain’s desk, complete with a
desktop computer and lamp. Across from it are two dark navy blue chairs.
Sitting on the edge of the desk is Jaxon, arms crossed, watching me.
Today he’s wearing a long sleeve black Henley shirt and his traditional
worn jeans, no holes this time, and a pair of black motorcycle boots. Does
this man ever wear anything besides black? Apparently not.
“Shut the door.” He says.
Oh, no no no. Not likely. The last thing I want is to be closed up tight
alone in a room with him. If he thought my freak out was bad yesterday, he
hasn’t seen anything yet.
“I’d rather leave it open,” I mumble and shuffle my feet.
“Bailey, I’m not going to hurt you. Closing the door is just as much
your benefit as it is mine. I’m sure you don’t want what I have to say to be
overheard by anyone.” His voice is calm and quiet, like he’s afraid of
spooking me.
“I’d prefer to leave it open. Please,” I whisper, looking down at my
shoes. I really don’t want to look into his eyes. His eyes always tend to
draw me in and I can’t look away. They really are the most amazing eyes
I’ve ever seen.
“Angel, look at me.”
I snap my head up at the endearment. No one has ever used an
endearment towards me. ‘Pet’ was what Steven called me, but I wouldn’t
consider it an endearment. It was fitting because I felt like a caged animal
while I was with him. I hated it when he called me ‘Pet.’
The way Jaxon called me ‘Angel’ though is nice. Really nice. And, of
course, I make the mistake of looking into his eyes. Those gorgeous and
unique eyes. I’m utterly transfixed. Currently, they are watching me with an
intensity that should scare me, but doesn’t. I’m too busy becoming lost in
his gaze to feel anything other than wonder.
“What happened to you?” He asks me in a deep, rumbling voice.
His question knocks me back to reality. No way can I tell him the truth.
I already know that I’m weak and I’m sure he suspects it, too. I don’t want
to confirm it for him.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I mutter, looking away from
him again.
“Eyes to me, Bailey,” Jaxon says.
I reluctantly pull my eyes back to him.
“Don’t give me this shit about nothing happening to you. I know
something did. It’s written all over your face.” I suck in a sharp breath at his
rude and hurtful comment. I can’t believe he went there.
He continues as if he’s read my thoughts, he says, “And no, I’m not
talking about the scar you try so hard to hide.” He says, pointing at said
scar. “I’m talking about the constant fear I see behind your eyes. You’re
running from something and I want to know what it is.”
Well, too bad, buddy boy, I say in my head. Out loud I say, “Please
Jaxon, can’t you just leave it alone? It’s my problem and I’m trying to deal
with it. I came to this town hoping for some peace.”
Jaxon stands up from the desk and takes a slow step towards me. I hold
my place, trying my hardest not to cower in front of him. Eventually, I need
to grow a pair and learn how to stand my ground.
“Why are you sleeping in your car, Angel?” His voice is soft, like he’s
talking to a scared child.
“How—how do you know about that?” I ask in my tiny voice.
“Anna called me this afternoon. She said she heard you screaming in
your car, that you were asleep in it and that you were dreaming.” His eyes
are assessing me, looking to see if I reveal anything.
Damn, Anna.
For lack of a good excuse I give him the same truth as I gave Anna.
“Well, um, I don’t have the cash right now to rent anything. I was
hoping to get enough tips soon from this job and find a cheap place to stay.
It’s no big deal; I’ll be okay in my car for a few days.”
He barks out a harsh laugh and I wonder what he finds funny. Certainly
he’s not laughing at me because I have to sleep in my car. That would be
cruel and unusual. Jaxon doesn’t seem like the type to be intentionally cruel
and unusual.
His laughter dies down and he takes another step towards me. “You’ll
be fine sleeping in your car, huh?”
“Yes?” It comes out more of a question than an answer, not sure where
he’s going with this.
“And what happens when one of those drunk guys out there stumbles
across you sleeping helplessly in your car?” His jaw goes rigid with his
question.
“I always lock my doors, so nothing will happen,” I tell him, but the
thought of it has my imagination running wild. Oh God, what if they
somehow manage to get in my car?
Jaxon voices my concerns. “Seriously, Angel, use your head. Do you
really think a car door lock will keep a drunk and horny guy away from
something he wants?”
Oh.
I’ve slept in my car twice now, and the thought that either of those
nights could have ended with me being violated again makes me want to
curl up in a corner. I’ve endured so much from Steven and to know that I
finally got away from him to just end up in a similar situation causes my
heart to thump heavily in my chest.
I put my hand to my throat and my eyes dart to Jaxon. He’s moved
several feet closer. Oh God, what am I going to do? I have nowhere to go.
But I can’t stay in my car again. That’s out of the question.
As if he’s read my thoughts again Jaxon says, “There’s a small
apartment upstairs that you can use. It’s not much, but it’ll be a hell of a lot
better than sleeping in your car.”
I sag in relief. Normally I can’t stand nor would I accept charity, but in
this case I suck it up. The thought of sleeping in my car makes me quake in
my shoes. I’ve been lucky so far, no way am I taking the chance of breaking
my lucky streak. Besides, once I start making money, I can pay him rent.
“Thank you,” I whisper. Tears start to form in my eyes from the
gratitude I feel from Jaxon’s offer. I blink them back.
“Now, back to the other issue. Are you going to tell me what you’re
running from?” He just doesn’t give up does he?
“No, I’m not.” I clench my hands and lift my chin in defiance. I have
too much to lose if I reveal my secrets.
“Goddamn it, Bailey, why won’t you let me help you? What are you
hiding from? Who’s hurt you and made you so scared you won’t even look
me in the eyes?” His voice rises with each question. Surprisingly enough, it
doesn’t scare me and my temper rises as well. Before I can stop myself, I
lose it.
“Just leave it the fuck alone, Jaxon! It’s none of your business! Yes,
something happened to me, okay, but I’m not talking about it! I’m never
talking about it. It’s too dangerous! I want to forget!” I yell at him.
My eyes grow wide and my hands fly to my mouth. I’ve never raised
my voice to another man before. Well, I have, but I learned real quickly to
never do it again, both from my father and my husband. The repercussions
were tremendous.
Jaxon just stares at me with raised eyebrows. The two silver rings
twinkling in the light.
“I—I’m sorry. I’m sorry for yelling at you.” I squeeze my eyes closed
waiting for him to lash out at me. I know it’s coming. It has to. I
disrespected him and yelled at him. Tears start to stream out the corners of
my eyes.
Instead of a fist to the side of my head, I feel gentle hands rest lightly on
both sides of my face.
“Jesus Christ, Angel, what did he do to you?” Jaxon whispers, it coming
out a statement rather than a question.
“Please look at me.”
I slowly open my eyes and peek at him through my wet lashes. He’s
looking at me with tormented eyes. His beautiful multi-colored eyes should
never carry that look.
I feel his thumbs brushing my wet cheeks, wiping away the tears that
are sliding down my face. His touch is so soft and soothing. I’ve never
experienced anything like it. The men in my life don’t comfort me; they
hurt me, whether or not I deserve it. I have no idea how to react to his
gentle touch. Should I trust it? I don’t know this man, but I’m starting to
wonder if he’s different that the other men that have been in my life. This
isn’t the first time I’ve seen anger in his eyes, but each time he doesn’t react
the way I think and fear he will. This also isn’t the first time I’ve defied
him, and again, each time he doesn’t punish me with violence. Instead he
looks at me with sad eyes and tries to comfort me.
“I don’t know what that bastard has done to you, but not all men are like
him. I’m not like him. I would never hurt you. Do you understand me,
Angel?” He continues to rub his thumbs over my cheeks, watching to see
my reaction to his touch and words. I want to believe him so much, but it’s
so hard to get over my fear. I’ve lived with it my entire life.
Still looking at him, I lower my hands from my mouth and hold them to
my chest. I’ve stopped crying, but still feel overwhelmed by my feelings.
He slowly pulls me closer to his hard chest until he’s trapped my hands
between him and me. He moves one hand to the back of my head, applying
pressure so my cheek rests against his pec. His other hand wraps around my
back. I hear the rapid beat of his heart and it somehow helps alleviate the
torrent of feelings rushing through me. I ball my hands into fists, grabbing
the material of his shirt in the process.
I feel him rest his chin on top of my head and he starts to rock me while
whispering reassurances.
“Shh...Bailey. You’re safe here. I won’t let anyone hurt you. I’m
promising you that right now that no one will ever hurt you again. You
don’t know it yet, but you can trust me.”
I lift my head and look up at him. “Why?” I whisper back at him. “Why
are you willing to promise me that? You don’t even know me.”
“Because no woman should be as afraid as you are. No woman should
have that tortured look you have in your eyes. Men are put on earth to
protect and cherish women, not harm them. I don’t know what happened to
you, but I do know that whatever it was, it was bad.”
His eyes have turned hard again and I suck in a sharp breath. He feels it,
closes them again, and breathes in deeply. When he opens his eyes, he’s
schooled the intensity in his expression. It now holds determination and
some other emotion that I’m too afraid to name. He reaches one hand up to
cup the side of my face, his other hand starts rubbing up and down my back.
“I—I better get back out there with Mia.” My words are stuttered.
I don’t want to leave the protection of his arms, but I know that I can’t
and shouldn’t stay there any longer. What Jaxon makes me feel when his
arms are wrapped around me is both exhilarating and frightful. How can
this man, a man that I just met a couple days ago, bring out such strong
emotions in me? I know it’s not plausible, but I feel such contentment
standing there surrounded by his intoxicating scent and quiet strength.
“Yeah, maybe you should,” Jaxon says, but he still doesn’t release me
from his arms or his eyes. It feels like he’s looking into my very soul, into
the deepest part of me that no one else has delved. I can’t look away from
him. He has captured my gaze and it seems as he has no intention of giving
it back.
He flicks his eyes down to my lips and my breath hitches. What would
it be like to feel those beautiful full lips against my own? Would they be
soft and coaxing or rough and demanding? Would he rub them lightly
against my lips waiting for me to open or would they nip and bite, forcing
its way into the recesses of my mouth?
What is it about Jaxon that brings these crazy thoughts to my mind?
Except for the first few months of mine and Steven’s relationship I’ve never
wanted a man to kiss me, never wanted a man to place his lips against my
own and entice a reaction out of me.
Although Jaxon has hinted at a darker emotional side, he has been
nothing but gentle with me. I know that deep inside Jaxon carries his own
demons, and because of those demons he is a hard and dangerous man. I
don’t think that Jaxon would ever hurt me, but then again, I never thought
Steven would either, and look where that got me.
Suddenly, Jaxon shakes his head as if trying to clear it. He breaks the
spell that has captured us both. The arm that is still wrapped around my
back falls to his side. He keeps his other hand on the side of my face a few
seconds longer before he drops that one too. I reluctantly release the grip
that I still have a hold of on his shirt. After taking a deep breath, I take a
step back, and then another and another. I’m standing in the doorway now
so there are several feet between us. A chill racks my body from the sudden
loss of his warmth and I shudder, crossing my arms over my middle. I
already miss his body heat against me.
Jaxon reaches one hand up to run it through his hair. He clears his throat
and says, “Leave your keys and I’ll bring your stuff from your car up to the
apartment. I’ll send someone over to freshen things up a bit. I’ll also get
them to put a few things in the fridge for you until you can go shopping.”
“Oh...um...you don’t have to do that.” I shift from one foot to the other,
suddenly feeling nervous.
Jaxon sighs and looks down at his feet. He stuffs his hands into his jeans
pockets. He glances back up at me. “Angel, please let me do this for you. If
you won’t let me help you in any other way, then please let me at least do
this for you.”
It’s the look on Jaxon’s face that makes the decision for me. His eyes
are pleading with me. This strong and fierce man is begging me with his
eyes. It’s such a simple thing, moving my stuff from my car to the
apartment, but Jaxon looks as though if I don’t allow him to do this he
might become lost. It’s a look that should never grace his face.
I reach into my pocket to grab the ring that holds my car key and hold it
out to him. No other keys are on the ring. “Thank you, Jaxon,” I say in a
soft voice.
He pulls his hands out of his pockets and reaches for my keys. Our
fingers brush and I swear I feel a zing of electricity run through my fingers
all the way up my arm. I look up at him and he’s just staring at our hands,
which are both still holding the key ring. A deep frown line has formed over
his eyebrows. I wonder what he’s thinking.
I drop my hand from the keys and clutch them behind my back. This
seems to bring Jaxon back to the present.
“I’ll get them back to you before the end of your shift. When you get
off, I’ll take you up and show you around.”
“Okay, that’s fine.” I grab the doorknob and turn to leave, pulling it
behind me.
Just as the door is halfway closed Jaxon calls my name. I turn my head
to look at him.
“If you need anything you know where to find me.”
I give him a small, sad smile and nod my head.
“Bye, Jaxon,” I say and turn back around.
Right before the door closes I hear Jaxon softly say, “Bye, Angel.”
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Seven
When I walk back to the front, there are even more people in the place than
there was when I first went to Jaxon’s office. Every seat at the bar is taken
and there are only a few tables left unoccupied. All of the pool tables are in
use. It’s very daunting.
I’m still a little shaken up by mine and Jaxon’s encounter. I wonder why
a man such as Jaxon can affect me on so many levels. The feelings the man
can invoke in me are all over the place; fear, excitement, intrigue,
intimidation, safe, bafflement, hope, and I wonder if the butterflies that are
in my stomach when I’m around him could be stemmed from a tiny bit of
desire. The more I think about the last feeling, however, the more I realize
that it just can’t be. I want absolutely nothing to do with one of the most
basic instincts a normal man and woman feel for each other. Sex. Nope,
never again. I will die, if not happy, then content without ever letting a man
touch me intimately again. So, scratch that off the list of feelings Jaxon
conjures in me.
The other emotions Jaxon brings out still puzzles me. The fear I can
understand. I can tell that Jaxon carries strong feelings about women being
abused. Obviously, there is a story there somewhere. I’m not quite sure if I
want it to be told to me or not. I do know that whatever it is, it has made a
significant impact on Jaxon’s life. The hardness in his eyes when he
guessed something bad happened to me is a testament to that. It’s that cold
hard look he gets that brings about the fear. I’ve seen it before many times
and it’s never been good news for me.
Excitement and intrigue are emotions that I haven’t felt very much in
my life. When you constantly worry when the next beating and verbal abuse
will come there’s not much excitement to be had. This is something I’ve
had to deal with since I was three years old. But with Jaxon there’s a tiny
spark. He intrigues me because he doesn’t react the way I expect him to. He
does the total opposite. Instead of lashing out at me when I raised my voice
in his office, he soothed and comforted me. Although it scares me to think
about being near him, just for the mere fact that he’s a man, I’m also very
curious about our next encounter. For some reason, this man makes me feel
safe. He makes me feel like I’m someone special, not just an object to vent
against and use.
There are several people smashed up against the bar waiting for
someone to take their orders. I make my way to them and jump back in the
groove I had before Jaxon asked to speak with me. The work helps distract
me from my thoughts of him.
Back in college, I absolutely loved working at The Bryler. What I
enjoyed about it the most was meeting new people. When I was little the
only time I was allowed to socialize with other kids was at school. All other
times I was stuck in the house or in the backyard, which had a tall privacy
fence. I had no friends because, hey, who would want to be friends with
someone that couldn’t come over to play. Not to mention the fact that I
wasn’t the cleanest little girl in the classroom. My clothes were always
dingy and a bit too small for my body. More often than not my hair was an
oily tangled mess. Needless to say, my parents weren’t the type to get up in
the mornings to get their child ready for school. They did for the first few
years, but then it got to the point where they were too stoned to rise that
early. I would be lucky if they were up by the time I got home from school.
Actually, let me rephrase that, I would be unlucky if they were up when I
got home.
My parents weren’t the nicest people you would meet. They were low
life druggies that would rather score their next hit than take care of their
child. Not only were they neglectful, they were downright mean and
abusive at times. But it was the parties they threw that really made them
despicable and horrible parents.
I shudder at the thought of the parties my parents threw, almost
dropping a bottle of beer meant for a customer.
I tried so hard, so freaking hard, to hide my tiny body in the most
inconspicuous places during these get-togethers. I even went so far as to
hide in a dresser drawer one time. Even still, there were many times that my
parents ‘friends’ found me. I would kick, scream, and bite the entire time,
but eventually my child’s body would wear out and then they would do
horrendous things to me, and make me do things to them as well. I should
be grateful because the men didn’t actually use their disgusting penises to
penetrate me; however, there are many other ways to sexually abuse a child.
Instead, they used other parts of their body.
What makes it even worse is the fact that when these people were doing
these horrible things to me my parents were too high on drugs to care. The
men and women would drag me in the same room as my parents and
perform these unthinkable acts and my parents would idly sit by with a
blank face. There were times they would be having sex with some of the
other party goers as well while they watched me being abused.
Afterwards, I would carry my limp self to the bathroom and get in the
bath. No matter how much I scrubbed my sore and used little body I could
never get clean enough. I would then crawl into bed, curl up into a ball, and
cry myself to sleep. During those nights, even as a small child, my dreams
consisted of ending the never-ending pain, by any means necessary. Even if
those means meant ending my horrible life.
I’m interrupted from my dark thoughts by someone screeching my
name.
“Bailey! It’s about time we meet, girl!”
I turn towards the voice and my first thought is I’ve just seen the hottest
freaking guy on the planet. My second thought is, the hottest freaking guy
on the planet is one of the most flamboyant gay guys to walk on said planet.
I’m completely and utterly speechless.
From head to toe there is no mistaking this man prefers guys to girls,
but it’s the shirt that really tells the tale. It’s white with a big colorful
rainbow on the front. Below the rainbow in big, bold pink letters it reads, ‘9
out of 10 men prefer big tits. The other man prefers the 9 men.’
He’s also wearing the tightest pair of pants known to man. How in the
world does he fit himself in there? And believe me, there is a lot to fit in.
He’s got to be at least 6 ½ feet tall. I wouldn’t say he’s slim, because there
is definitely some impressive muscles going on, but he’s also nowhere near
bulky. He’s got the perfect amount of muscle to go along with his height.
His hair is a chocolate brown and he wears it in a shaggy style. It looks as
though he hasn’t shaved in a couple days so he’s sporting a two-day
shadow. His eyes are pure black and when he smiles he has two adorable
dimples.
He immediately walks straight up to me and, without a single glance to
my scar, grabs my cheeks and pinches them. He actually pinches my
cheeks!
“Girl, you are just the cutest thing!” He starts speaking while still
holding my cheeks. He has an amazing deep voice. “I’m so glad you started
working here! I’m so tired of having to deal with Mia’s crabby ass all the
time. Too much negativity, I tell you! A person like me needs happiness in
his life, not Miss Sulky over there. Of course, there is one perk to the job,
and that’s the fine piece of meat that owns this joint. Mmm hmm. Yummy!”
He smacks his lips and rolls his eyes to the ceiling while moaning.
Oh, wow! Did that just really happen? I have no idea how to respond to
his excited chatter. I just stand there staring at him with my jaw on the floor.
Usually I would be quaking in my boots from a man of his size being so
close and familiar with me, but there’s just something about him that puts
me at ease. There are absolutely no threatening vibes coming off him.
Mia walks up to our strange little party and has to reach way up to
smack the back of the guy’s head.
“I heard that, Andy. The only reason I’ve been in a shitty mood lately is
because I’ve been stuck with you so much. It’ll make my entire fucking
year when Bailey is fully trained and I don’t have to see your face every
damn day.” She emphasizes the name Andy. She has a twinkle in her eye so
I know she doesn’t mean what she said.
He finally releases my cheeks to rub the back of his head while glaring
at Mia. “Damn it, Mia, I told you not to call me that!”
Mia reaches up and ruffles his dark mop of hair like she would a child.
“Well, play nice and you may get what you want then.”
He reaches out and grabs Mia by her head and plants a kiss on her lips,
making a loud smacking noise as he does. She chuckles as she walks off to
serve a customer. He then turns towards me.
“My name’s Andrew and under no circumstances can you call me
Andy.” He says the name like it’s the most disgusting thing in the world. “I
mean, seriously, who wants to be called a sissy name like that? Do I look
like a sissy to you? The answer is no. With a body and looks like mine, I
can only be an Andrew! I’m Andrew all the way, baby!” He says the last
while holding out his arms to emphasize the goodness of his good looks.
He glances over my shoulder and a huge grin graces his face.
“And speaking of men with more good looks than they know what to do
with, here comes the king himself. Hey, hotness!”
I turn to see Jaxon making his way over to us. He has a concerned look
on his face as he eyes me. I believe he’s worried that since Andrew is a man
and an affectionate man at that that I may freak out because he acts so
familiar with me. When he sees that I’m alright the frown lines disappear
from his brow.
“Hey, Andrew, how’s it going?” He asks when he’s standing in front of
us.
“Oh, you know, the same. Trying to hold off the horde of guys beating
on my door. I keep telling them that I’m saving myself for my hot boss, but
they just won’t listen. Now, come give Andrew a kissy kissy.” He puckers
his lips at Jaxon and closes his eyes.
I bug my eyes out at the picture before me. I glance over at Jaxon,
expecting him to become angry or agitated with Andrew. What I witness
next is totally unexpected. Jaxon slowly strolls up to Andrew and puts one
of his hands on his cheek. He leans in so far that there couldn’t have been
more than a few inches between both their lips. Just before their lips touch
Jaxon says in his deep masculine voice, “Not. Gonna. Happen.” He then
drops his hand and takes a step back to stand beside me.
“Damn, so close yet so far away.” Andrew mumbles to himself.
I can’t hold it in anymore. I tried to hold it back, but it’s just not
possible. No sane person that saw and heard what I just did would be able
to. I throw back my head and laugh a full body, clutching my stomach,
laugh. I have tears streaming down my face and my face actually hurts from
laughing so hard. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard in my life. It just
keeps coming. I have no control over it.
When I’m finally able to unbend my body to look up at the two people
that were the cause of my mirth, I notice that Andrew is looking at me with
his megawatt, dimpled smile. Jaxon is watching me with an expression that
makes me nervous. The rest of my laugh dies a quick death at his look.
There is so much heat and desire in his eyes. They’re no longer the violet
and cornflower blue, but more of a deep purple and steel blue. The
combination is astounding and mesmerizing. They hold me prisoner and all
I can do is stare back at him.
“Hmm...what do we have here? This could get very interesting. Good
thing I’ve got front row seats. It’s about damn time.” I hear Andrew say,
completely clueless as to what he’s referring to.
Jaxon breaks the spell he has on me by glaring at Andrew. “Andrew,
don’t,” he growls.
Andrew raises his hands in an ‘it wasn’t me gesture’ and says, “Hey,
hey, nothing going on over here. See? I’m minding my own business.” And
with a wink to me he strolls off towards the other end of the bar.
Jaxon turns back towards me and says, “As you can see Andrew is very
special. You have to be dedicated to handle his brand of crazy.”
“I heard that, hotness,” Andrew calls over his shoulder without turning
around.
“How are you doing out here, Angel?” Jaxon asks me. The endearment
rolls off his tongue like he’s been saying it for years.
“It’s been good. Although it’s been a few years since I worked a bar, it
didn’t take long for me to get back in the groove of things.”
“Everyone being nice to you?”
“Yes, everyone’s been very nice. You have an amazing town full of very
friendly people.” I wish so hard that I could have stumbled across this
remarkable little town under different circumstances. I’ve only been here a
few days and I’ve already gotten attached to it. Not to mention the people
I’ve met so far have been amazing. It already hurts knowing that one day
soon I’m going to have to leave this beautiful town, with its beautiful
people, behind.
“I just wanted to let you know that I’ve got all your stuff upstairs and
that the fridge and pantry are now stocked. In a couple hours, once it winds
down a bit, I’ll take you upstairs and show you around.”
I give him a timid smile and reply, “That sounds great. Thank you
again, Jaxon. I really had no idea how dangerous it could be sleeping in my
car.” I shudder as I remember Jaxon’s warning of the dangers. Even a small
town like this isn’t perfect, I guess.
He leans back and rests his hands on the bar behind him. “No thanks
needed, Angel. I’m just glad you allowed me to help you. I hope you know
that if you ever need anything all you have to do is let me know.”
I’m beginning to believe that what he says may be true. It’s such a
strange feeling knowing that there are people around to help me if I need it.
Of course, there’s no way I could ask him for the help that I really need.
First, there’s nothing that he could do. Second, even if there was something
that he could do, I wouldn’t put him, or anyone, in that situation. It would
only put them in danger as well. There’s no way Steven would give me up
without a fight. And when Steven fights, he fights dirty. He fights to win,
no matter the cost or who around him gets hurt.
Jaxon walks over to me and to my surprise I don’t feel the sudden need
to run or hide. I guess my mind and body are starting to recognize him as
not the enemy. He lifts his huge tattooed hand and rests it on the side of my
neck. Although I may not have the urge to flee, my body still stiffens when
he leans down and places his lips against my forehead. His lips linger and I
swear that I hear him take a deep breath, like he’s taking in my scent.
“See you later, Angel.” He whispers against my forehead and then turns
and walks away.
I stand there staring after him. What I wouldn’t give for Jaxon to be the
guy that was at The Bryler the day my life changed. I know deep in my
heart that he would be the type of man that I would never have to worry
about inflicting pain on me. Under different circumstances, I know that he
would be a man that I could easily fall in love with. He can be so very
gentle at times, but he also has a fierceness to him, a fierceness that I’m
slowly learning not to fear. I know that he would protect me, or anyone he
cares about, with his life. I just don’t understand why he wants to protect
me. I’m nobody to him, just a drifter that rolled into town with no money
and only a car packed with second-hand stuff. What makes me so special
for him to feel the need to keep me safe?
A sudden knock on the bar brings me out of my thoughts and I turn
around to find an exceptionally built, extremely tall, and extremely
intimidating biker standing there looking at me.
He’s not as tall as Jaxon and Andrew, but he definitely has some height
to him. He has his long light brown hair pulled back into a ponytail that’s
braided. He’s wearing the standard leather vest that most biker’s wear with
several patches on the front. His arms, which are bare under the vest, are
heavily muscled and sporting multiple tattoos. His face is covered with a
thick, slightly darker brown mustache and beard.
“Well, hey there, Miss Kitty. Why don’t you grab me three bottles of
Bud and head on over to my table with me and my buddies and plant that
sweet ass down on my lap.” The look on his face while he’s blatantly
molesting me with his eyes causes me to shiver. I feel bile start to rise in my
throat.
He obviously mistakes my repulsive shiver for arousal because he lets
loose a toothy smile while he reaches his hand down beyond my view to his
pants. Although I can’t see what he’s doing because the bar is in the way I
know that he’s either adjusting himself or rubbing himself. Either way it
causes the bile in my throat to come up even further.
“Come on, sugar, what are you waiting for? Come plant that tight ass on
Shady’s lap and shove those titties in my face.” His eyes start to gloss over
and he licks his lips while he looks at my breast.
I knew this was a mistake. There’s no way I can be around guys like
him and not hyperventilate. My breathing has already become ragged and it
feels like I can’t get enough air in my lungs. I’m scared and I have no idea
what to do. I’m obviously not going to do what he wants, but I’m also
afraid of what he’ll do if I don’t. He doesn’t seem like the type to take no
for an answer. Although we’re in a place filled with people and in reality, he
can’t really do anything with so many people around, it doesn’t help stop
the panic that is starting to rise.
As I’m standing there contemplating on what I should do, Mia slides up
next to me and says, “Hey, Bailey, Andrew needs you to help him with
something down at the other end of the bar.”
I sigh in relief when I realize that she saw me down here all alone with a
big hulking biker harassing me. I turn towards her and I can’t help the lone
tear that crawls down my face. I am eternally grateful for her interference.
This is the second time she’s rescued me from an uncomfortable situation.
“Wait just a damn minute.” Shady says while banging his fists on the
counter and causing me to jump. “Me and Miss Kitty here was just getting
acquainted.”
Mia turns to face the irate biker and places both of her hands on the
scarred dark wood and leans over it.
“That’s just too fucking bad, Shady. Bailey’s off limits. Go find some
other unfortunate soul to play with.” She says with a sneer.
“Says who?” Shady asks.
“Says Jaxon. And if you’re smart you’d leave her alone. Understand
what I’m sayin?”
“Yeah, well, Jaxon can’t always have what he wants. He likes to think
he’s the hot shot in this town. I think it’s time someone puts him in his
place.”
Oh God, what have I caused? It is because of me that Jaxon will get
hurt. That’s the very last thing I want. He and his two sisters’ have been so
kind to me. I can’t stand the thought of any of them being harmed because
of my lack of courage.
I want to say something to defuse the situation, but the words are stuck
in my throat. Even the thought of any of the three getting hurt, which is
unbearable, doesn’t give me the daring to face Shady. I just hope that Shady
is bluffing, and if he’s not, then I can be woman enough to stand up for the
people that are becoming important to me.
Shady is still standing there with his fists on the bar and Mia is still
leaning over it as far as her short body will allow.
“And who’s going to put him there, Shady? You?” Mia says
incredulously. She starts laughing. “You can certainly try, but I can
guarantee the only person that’ll be put in his place won’t be him. You
know this.”
Mia turns towards me and pushes me lightly. “Go see what Andrew
needs help with, Bailey.”
I know that I won’t be any help, but I really don’t want to leave her
alone with him. There is no telling what Shady will do. I’m sure he doesn’t
take too kindly to being put in his place, especially by a girl. Yes, we’re
surrounded by people, but it only takes one well-placed fist to the face to do
significant damage, specifically to girl of Mia’s size.
“I’ll be okay. Don’t worry about me. He won’t do anything.” She gently
but forcefully pushes me again.
I take a last look at Mia and see determination and anger in her eyes.
My eyes flicker briefly to Shady before I turn around and start walking over
to where Andrew is serving customers. I briskly walk up to him with the
intention of telling him about the situation and hope that he can help Mia.
“Andrew, you’ve got to help Mia. There’s this guy named Shady and
he’s threatening Jaxon. She came up to help me when he was harassing me
and she told him that Jaxon said I was off limits, whatever that means. He
seems really angry and I’m worried he’ll hurt Mia. Please Andrew, go over
there and help her.” I am out of breath by the time I get done. I’m so
worried about Mia that the faster I get it out, the faster Andrew can make it
to her.
Andrew looks up and over my shoulder. He clenches his jaw and his
eyes go the color of Onyx. I have always been able to tell if someone was
angry or not from their facial expressions. It’s a talent that I was forced to
learn to gauge Steven’s moods. He was so unpredictable that I had to find
ways to figure out what he was feeling at the time. Right now I can see that
Andrew is beyond livid. He may like to pick on Mia but it is clear that he
cares deeply for her.
Just when Andrew takes a step in their direction he stops. I turn to look
at what’s going on and I see Shady making his way over to a table that has
two other bikers. Mia steps from behind the bar and walks through the
crowd. For a minute, I think she is going to Shady’s table to confront him
again, but she veers clear of them and walks determinedly into the darkened
hallway.
I turn back and look up at Andrew. He’s shooting daggers in Shady’s
direction.
“Fucking Shady, always causing trouble. I don’t see why Jaxon allows
his ass in here. He’s bad news and everyone knows it.”
He tips his head down to me and asks softly. “Are you okay? He didn’t
do anything to you, did he?”
I shake my head. “No, he just said some nasty things to me.” I duck my
head in embarrassment. I have no idea why I’m embarrassed. Andrew
didn’t hear what Shady said to me.
Andrew places his pointer finger under my chin and tips it up so I have
to look at him.
“Hey, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. You didn’t ask for that fucker to
say those things to you. Shady’s always been loose with his words and he
doesn’t shy away from what he wants. Jaxon will take care of him.”
I close my eyes tight and whisper, “That’s just it, though. I don’t want to
cause problems for Jaxon. I don’t want him, or anyone, to get hurt because
of me. I’m not worth getting hurt over.” I say that not to gain attention
because I have low self-esteem. I say it because it’s the simple truth. I’m a
nobody that came from a dysfunctional family and then married a man that
enjoyed torturing innocent people. I’m nothing special.
“Wait, what?” Andrew asks, his voice sharp. I open my eyes at his tone.
Now he sounds angry. The sweetness has gone from his voice. For the first
time his gaze flickers to my scar before landing back on my eyes. “Why in
the fuck would you think you’re not worth it? Bailey, I may not know you,
but I do know you’re worth it. If I swung the other way, I would make it my
life’s mission to protect you from guys like Shady. Hell, even with my
preference, I would still kill any man that has such a small nut sack that he
gets off on hurting women. Women are precious creatures that should never
have to put up with assholes like him. You are worth it, Bailey, don’t ever
forget that.”
I don’t get a chance to reply because I see Jaxon out the corner of my
eye walking out of the hallway. Andrew drops his hand and we both glance
up to watch him make his way towards Shady’s table. Shady has his back to
Jaxon so he’s clueless he has a very pissed off tattooed guy storming
towards him.
When Jaxon gets to his table, he says not one word to him before he
grabs the back of Shady’s head and slams it face first against the wood. He
then bends down to whisper something in his ear. Jaxon yanks Shady from
his chair, still holding onto his neck and starts marching him towards the
door. People are scrambling to get out of his way. Shady’s two friends begin
to rise from their seats to follow, but Jaxon turns and points to them while
saying something. It’s too loud in the bar to catch what he says but
whatever it is it causes them to sit back down. Jaxon and Shady disappear
out the door.
I turn wide eyes to Andrew and ask, “What is he going to do?”
“He’s gonna teach that stupid fuck to not mess with what’s his.”
“What! No! I’m not his, Andrew! I could never be his! I don’t want to
be his! What if he gets hurt? You can’t let him do this! You have to go out
there to make sure he’s okay!” I can’t believe this is happening. Why do
men think they can just claim a woman and expect them to be okay with it?
I’ve had enough violence to last me a lifetime. I want nothing to do it.
Nothing is ever solved through violence.
Why would Jaxon even want me? I’m flawed, on the inside and out. He
knows this. I’ve never given him a reason to think that I want him in that
way. Yes, he’s becoming a friend, even though I vowed to not let people get
close to me, but there could never be more than that.
I’m breathing heavily now. I’m confused. I can’t let Jaxon beat the crap
out of someone under the misguided sense that I belong to him. I don’t
understand why Jaxon would even think that. I also feel protective of him. I
can’t stand the thought that at this very moment he may be getting hurt. I
don’t want him as a woman wants a man, but I certainly don’t want him
hurt. The very thought makes my heart ache.
My eyes are pleading with Andrew to go out there to check on Jaxon.
“Bailey, sweetie, he’s fine. Trust me. Jaxon is definitely not the person
hurting right now. As far as you being his, you may as well get used to it
now. You are definitely his. It doesn’t have to be a scary thing though. He
considers Mia, Anna, and his Gram his as well and if it were any of them
that was in your shoes he would be exactly where he is right now doing
exactly what he’s doing. Jaxon is fiercely loyal and protective of his family.
He’s latched onto you so you’re now considered part of that group.
Embrace it Bailey. I don’t know what kind of family you have but know
that you’ve just gained an exceptional one.”
I want so much for his words to be true, but I know they can’t be. One
day soon, once I save enough money, I’ll have to leave. The bonds that are
starting to form between me and these amazing people will break and
they’ll hate me. I don’t understand it, but for some reason these people like
me and they think I’m worth something. When I leave, they’ll see that it
was all a lie and they’ll be glad that I’m gone. The thought brings the never
ending water works to my eyes.
Just then Jaxon pushes through the door and he immediately zeros in on
me. He’s breathing heavily and I see his fists clenching and unclenching. I
can’t really tell because of the low lights, but it looks like his knuckles have
a few scratches on them.
He starts stalking towards the bar, stopping briefly to talk to a huge man
that’s standing beside the door. The man disappears through the doors.
When Jaxon gets to the partition, he lifts it and then lets it drop behind him,
causing a loud bang. He walks straight up to me and wraps his big hands
around the sides of my head. The back of his fingers sift through my hair
while the palms rest on either side of my cheeks. What is up with people
touching my face?
He bends down low so we are on the same level, his eyes darting back
and forth searching mine, “Are you okay?”
There’s not a mark on his beautiful face and I release a sigh of relief. I
thank God that he was not hurt.
“Yes, I’m okay. What did you do to Shady?” I ask nervously, not sure if
I want to know the answer.
The colors in his gorgeous eyes seem to swirl and I feel his fingers flex
slightly in my hair.
“Nothing that you need to worry about, Angel.”
I nod my head, leaving it at that.
“Give me just a couple minutes and I’ll take you up to the apartment.
You’re done for the night.” He pulls my head forward and plants a soft kiss
on my forehead.
“But I can’t leave Mia and Andrew to work alone. It’s too busy in here.
They need my help.” I protest, not sure if what I say was true or I’m just
using it as an excuse. Sure, the place is hopping, but I’m sure Mia and
Andrew can handle it on their own. It’s the thought of being completely
alone with Jaxon that makes me uneasy. I’m not sure if I’m ready for that. I
haven’t had enough time to resign myself to it. I know he won’t hurt me,
but it’s still terrifying. Yes, I was alone with him in his office, but the door
was open. The apartment is on a whole different level.
“Angel, Mia and Andrew can handle it. They’ve been doing it for weeks
now. They’ll be fine. You look dead on your feet. You need a good night’s
sleep in a warm comfortable bed. I’ll be right back.” And with that he turns
and walks away before I get a chance to protest further.
I take in a much-needed breath and rub my tired eyes. He’s right; I am
dead on my feet. It’ll be a nice change to sleep in an actual bed. There were
a few motels that I’ve slept in since the beginning of my trip, but not many.
I’m really looking forward to sleeping in nice, smooth, clean sheets. I can
already feel the softness of the mattress beneath me and I sway a little.
I reach down beneath the bar and grab my purse. I let Mia and Andrew
know that I’m leaving and that Jaxon was going to show me the apartment
upstairs. We say our goodbyes and I walk from behind the bar and sit down
on one of the stools, waiting for Jaxon to come and get me.
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Eight
When Jaxon comes back, he goes to Mia and Andrew and speaks with them
for a minute. Mia hands him something and he slips it into his back pocket.
When he reaches me, he holds out his hand that has the leather wristband
around it, waiting for me to grab it. When I don’t immediately reach out, he
takes a step closer to me.
“It’s okay, Bailey. I won’t hurt you.” He says in his gravelly voice.
I look from his hand to his eyes. The emotion that I see there breaks me.
They look sad. For some reason, it’s important for Jaxon that I trust him. I
wonder why that is. It’s so hard for me to trust people. Why would I when
it’s only caused me pain in the past” The only person I fully trust is Chris,
but I’m realizing that there may be more people in my life that aren’t out to
hurt me; Jaxon is one of them.
“I know,” I say softly.
Although I’m still not quite there yet I hesitantly place my hand in
Jaxon’s. He visibly relaxes a little and I see pleasure replace the sadness in
his eyes that I just saw a minute ago. A small smile tips up the corners of
his lips. His hand is warm and I feel the calluses that must run along the
base of his fingers. He grips my hand firmly but not too tight. The feeling is
unfamiliar to me, but it’s pleasant. It makes me feel like he has no intention
of letting it go, but in a good way. Like no matter what happens, he’ll
always be there for me.
He leads the way and I trail behind him until we reach the back door
that leads outside. He pushes it open and we step outside into the cool night
air. Once outside, we turn left and a few feet away is another door that I
didn’t notice when I got here this afternoon. He pulls out a set of keys and
unlocks the door.
“When this place was built they decided to put the entrance to the stairs
that leads to the apartment outside. It’s supposed to give the person that’s
living here a sense of privacy.” His voice echoes off the cream colored
walls as we make our way up a flight of stairs.
There’s a white door at the top of the stairs and we stop again as he
unlocks it. Before we step through he turns to face me.
“As I said before, it’s not much, but it’s better than sleeping in your car.
My great-grandfather built this place when he was young and single so he
didn’t need a lot of room. It should have everything that you need though.”
“I’m sure it’ll be fine, Jaxon. I’m just grateful you’re allowing me to
stay here.”
He tucks a piece of hair that has fallen from my ponytail behind my ear.
“Anything for you, Angel.”
He turns back around and pushes the door open. We walk through the
doorway and I immediately know that I’m going to love living here. Even
though it won’t technically be my place, it’ll still be my place. I’ve never
lived on my own before. While in college Chris and I shared an apartment.
The thought of living by myself is a little scary, but I’m looking forward to
the new experience.
The apartment is really small and has an open floor plan. The living
room that sits off to the left is only big enough for a flower print couch, a
single coffee table, and a TV stand. To the right, with no walls separating
the two is the kitchen. There’s a fridge and a stove, with a counter and
cabinets between them. One other counter sits to the right of the stove with
cabinets above and below it as well. Straight ahead there is a cute, small
wooden table pushed up against the window that sits three people.
Still holding my hand Jaxon leads me into the kitchen and starts
opening cabinets to show me the contents.
“I try to keep it stocked with necessary items a person would need while
staying here. There’s plates, glasses, pots, silverware, and a few other items
you’ll need.”
He steps over to another cabinet, opening it.
“I wasn’t sure what types of food you like so I had Anna get a variety of
things.”
Next, we step to the fridge and he releases my hand to open it. My
mouth drops open when I see what’s inside. It’s slam full with a wide range
of items.
“Jaxon! You didn’t have to buy all this food!” I exclaim. He must have
spent a fortune on all this food. The cabinets are overflowing with food as
well. I’m mortified. He must know that I couldn’t really afford to go
shopping yet and decided to buy the whole grocery store to make sure I had
enough to eat.
He confirms my fears when he says, “It’s no big deal, Angel. I know
things are tight right now for you until you get on your feet.”
I feel so embarrassed. He must think me some helpless creature that he,
for some reason, feels he has to take care of. I look down at my feet as I feel
heat creeping up my face.
“I’ll pay...” I start, but he interrupts me.
“No, Bailey. I don’t want your money.”
“But...” Again, I don’t get to finish what I was going to say.
“Angel, I’m not going to take your money, okay? Please, just leave it.
Everyone needs to eat. Besides, it benefits me as well. You need to eat well
in order to be in top shape for work.”
Okay, that’s logical, but I still know he’s just using that as an excuse.
What I don’t understand is why. Why is he so bent on helping me? I’ve
asked myself this several times and I still don’t know the answer. So I ask
him.
“Why? Why are you so adamant on helping me? I just don’t understand.
You’re being so nice to me and you don’t really know me. Why would you
do that for someone you don’t know? What do you get from all this?” My
breathing has escalated. Normal people aren’t like Jaxon. They don’t just
help random people. Or, if they do, they expect something in return. As
much as I don’t want to believe it, there must be something Jaxon wants in
return. It’s the only reason I can think of why he would want to help me so
badly. He told me earlier that no woman should fear a man but him buying
me food to last me a month has nothing to do with fear.
Jaxon steps closer to me, shortening the distance between us.
“I’m helping you because we all need help sometimes, even when we
don’t want to ask for it. I’m helping you because I see something in your
eyes that compels me towards you.” He slides his hand around the back of
my neck into my hair. The rough pad of his thumb starts rubbing along the
bottom of my jaw and I close my eyes at the sensation it brings me. His
touch is light and it sends shivers down my spine. I slowly open my eyes
when he continues.
“I have this uncontrollable need to be near you, to protect you, to make
sure you have what you need to be okay. I don’t know why I have this need
or why it’s you, but it’s there. And I know, I know, that if I don’t follow this
need I will hurt. No, I don’t know you, but I want to. I want to know
everything about you, even the things that you’re scared to tell me,
especially those. As far as wanting something in return, the only thing I
want is a chance to get to know you, to earn your trust enough to give me
that chance.”
I suck in a breath at his words and the sincerity in his eyes. Why this
man feels the urge to help me is a mystery. What he sees in me, I have no
clue. What I do know is that I want, with every fiber of my being, to trust
him enough to give him what he wants. I’ve only known him a few days,
but there’s something about him that pulls me towards him as well. I just
don’t know if I’ll ever get to the point where I can completely trust him.
Besides, it’s much too dangerous to tell him all my secrets. Jaxon is the type
that would seek vengeance on those that hurt the people he’s close to. I can
never take that chance. He’s already becoming too important. Not to
mention the fact that if I let him too close, it’ll hurt a thousand times worse
when I leave.
I look up into his eyes, eyes that are pleading with me to give him a
chance. They truly are the most spectacular eyes I’ve ever seen, which fits
Jaxon perfectly because he’s the most spectacular man I’ve ever met, inside
and out.
While still holding his gaze, I tell him the truth, a truth that I wish
wasn’t so.
“I don’t know if I can ever I trust someone else, Jaxon. Yes, I’ve had
bad things happen to me in the past and that has made it hard for me to give
my trust. I don’t know if I’m still capable of giving it anymore.”
My words are low and I know they hurt him from the look that enters
his face. The last thing I want is to hurt him, but I just can’t give him what
he wants.
“One day, Angel. One day, you’ll trust me.” He whispers to me. I don’t
tell him that one day soon I’ll be leaving.
He drops his head and I feel his soft lips against my forehead again. It
gets easier and easier to accept each time he does it.
He removes his hand from the side of my face to grab my hand again.
“Come on. I’ll show you the rest of the apartment. I think you’ll really
like the bathroom.” He grins at me over his shoulder.
He flips on a light at the mouth of a short hallway and we make our way
to one of the three doors. He opens it and steps to the side so I can enter.
What I see makes me want to push him out of the apartment so I can
become acquainted with the huge, old fashion, iron claw foot tub that sits
up against a wall below a window. It looks like something that you would
see in a movie or read about in a book. It’s white and has high faucets. It
even has the round shower rod that people back in the day used to use.
There’s a white shower curtain hanging from it. Classic. Beside the
gorgeous tub sits a shelf that has shampoo, conditioner, cucumber melon
scented body wash, bath salts, and a loofa on it.
Wow, Jaxon’s thought of everything. I don’t know which I’m looking
forward to more. Sleeping on cool, clean sheets or taking a real bath,
especially in such a gorgeous tub.
Dragging my gaze away from the temptation, I take in the rest of the
bathroom. The walls are a soft baby blue. There’s a pedestal sink that sits in
the corner. Beside it, between the tub and the sink, is the commode. There’s
another shelf that sits on the other side of the sink, which carries several
different items that women use, some of them are mine and some are new.
There’s plenty of lighting, but I like the natural light that comes through the
frosted over window that’s above the tub.
“Do you like it?” Jaxon asks from behind me.
I twirl to him with a big obnoxious grin on my face and clap my hands
in front of me. “I love it!”
He chuckles, which causes his eyes to crinkle and little laugh lines
appear by his eyes. I love his laugh. It makes him even more gorgeous that
he was before, if that’s even possible.
Grabbing my hand again, he pulls me from the bathroom and we stop at
the next door in the hallway. It’s a linen closet and he shows me the extra
sheets and towels that are inside.
The last door is the bedroom. It’s the room that makes me the most
nervous to enter. Bedrooms are made for two reasons. For people to sleep or
for them to do more carnal things in. I really don’t want to go in there with
Jaxon. I know it sounds silly, but it just seems too intimate for me to be in a
room with Jaxon where people have sex.
My heart rate picks up when we make it to the last closed door. Jaxon
pulls it open and steps inside, dragging me with him. He must sense my
apprehension because once we step through the doorway he releases my
hand. I miss the warmth and strength of his hand, but I’m also grateful that
he understands my need for distance.
This room is small, too. Up against one wall there is a double bed that
has a lime green comforter on it. On either side of the bed are small night
stands. Directly across from the bed sits a small dresser, with some of my
things placed on top. On the far wall, just below the bare window there is a
writing desk with a chair sitting in front of it. The walls are a cream color
and there’s nothing hanging from them.
While I’m taking in the room, I feel Jaxon’s eyes on me. I don’t look at
him, afraid of what I might see in them. Nervously, I glance around the
room some more and notice a door to my left. I walk over and open it. It’s
actually a pretty decent size walk-in closet, which surprises me because of
the size of the room. I flip the light switch and see some of my meager
belongings sitting on the floor; a couple of boxes, a suitcase, and a small
travel bag. Most of my clothes are hanging up.
I walk out of the closet and move to the dresser and start opening the
drawers. What I see is what I feared. All of my undergarments and the few
t-shirts and shorts I have are already placed inside.
I close my eyes in shame at how pathetic I must appear. When I left
Steven, I left all my clothes behind, except for the ones I was wearing. I
was never allowed to work so all the clothes I owned were ones he bought
for me. I didn’t want to bring anything that came from him. The only things
I took were a few things I still had when Chris and I shared an apartment.
Once I left the town where Steven and I lived I stopped at a thrift store and
bought the bare minimum of clothes. The only items I allowed myself to
buy brand new were panties and a single bra. I just couldn’t force myself to
buy and then wear undergarments that have already been worn. Yuck! Even
still, the panties and bra I bought were the most basic and cheapest I could
find.
I turn and face Jaxon, which is casually leaning against the doorway
with his arms and ankles crossed. He answers the question that’s on the tip
of my tongue.
“Anna put away your things.” He says quietly, realizing I’m the verge of
another breakdown. He must think I’m a crazy person with serious mental
issues. All I seem to do around him is either cry or completely lose it.
I nod my head and tell him thank you.
He cocks his head to the side a little and asks, “You okay?”
My head nods again when I reply, “Yes. I’m fine.”
His brow puckers a little, like he doesn’t believe me. It looks as though
he wants to push the issue, but then he straightens up from the doorway.
“You look exhausted, Angel. I’m going to head out so you can get some
rest. Walk me to the door?”
“Yeah, sure, I can do that.” I stumble out my reply.
He turns and makes his way back down the hallway as I trail behind
him. When he reaches the door, he turns back towards me while reaching
into his pocket and pulling out a key ring with two keys on it.
“This key is to the apartment door.” He says while pointing to a silver
key. He then points to a slightly bigger brass key. “And this one is for the
door leading to the stair.” He holds out the key ring and I take it by letting it
slide on my pointer finger.
He then reaches into his back pocket and pulls out an envelope handing
it to me.
“Here are your tips for the night. Mia cashed you out while you were
waiting on me to bring you up here.”
I take the envelope feeling the excitement of finally making money on
my own again. I haven’t had a job and my own money since my last year of
college. It’s such a nice feeling knowing that I actually earned the money
that’s resting in my palm. Steven always made plenty of money for the both
of us. He always said there was no sense in me working when he made
enough for us to live the high life. Of course, I know the true reason he
didn’t want me to work. He didn’t want to take the chance of people finding
out about his extracurricular activities regarding me.
As I clutch the envelope I glance up at Jaxon. “Thank you, Jaxon.
Thank you for everything.” I feel moisture reach my eyes and I quickly
blink the tears away. He is such a kind hearted and sweet man.
“Have breakfast with me tomorrow at Maggie’s?”
The question takes me by surprise. He looks so hopeful and earnest. The
eagerness I see makes my decision for me. There’s no way I can say no to
him when he’s helped me so much. If he truly wants to spend time with me
by having breakfast, it’s the least I can do. To be honest, I find the thought
of spending time with him exhilarating, even if it does make me a little
nervous.
I tip the corners of my lips in a shy smile and say, “I’d like that.”
His gaze drops to my lips for a second before returning to my eyes.
There’s something in his expression that makes me fidgety. He’s looking at
me as though he wants to reach out and touch me, like I’m the most
precious thing in the world to him, which is crazy because he barely knows
me.
He takes a cautious step towards me and reaches out his hands. I stiffen,
but hold myself still, not taking a step back. He places his hands on either
side of my face and lowers his lips towards my forehead again. It’s one of
the sweetest gestures anyone has ever done to me. If being touched by a
man wasn’t so frightening, I could seriously get used to having his hands on
me, which he seems to like to do a lot.
I feel his thumb rubbing across the scar on the side of my face and I
close my eyes as a lump forms in my throat. I wish so much I could be a
normal woman. A woman worthy of Jaxon’s affections. Any woman would
be lucky to have a man like him in their life.
After he kisses my forehead again, he rests his against my own. I open
my eyes to see him watching me. His eyes are back to the color they were
before, when he was watching me laugh earlier tonight; deep purple and
steel blue. I can see his pupils are dilated. When he speaks, I feel and smell
his warm, minty breath against my lips. It sends shivers down my spine and
I catch my breath. For some odd reason, him being this close doesn’t cause
the usual effect of wanting to cower and cringe. I’m still leery and slightly
uncomfortable, but I don’t get the usual run-for-the-hills feeling. It’s a
pleasant change. It’s unexpected, but still nice nonetheless.
“Oh, Angel, what are you doing to me? You make me feel things, things
that I know you don’t want to, and are not ready to hear yet.” The sound of
his voice is so light that I can barely hear him. But I do.
I try to pull my head away, suddenly feeling afraid of where he is going
with his words. “Jaxon, I...”
“I know, Bailey. I know you can’t accept what I’m telling you right
now. And I understand. I am aware that it’s not normal for me to even feel
them when I don’t really know anything about you. But they’re there and I
can’t rein the feelings in. I don’t want to. But I hope that one day you’ll
welcome them and welcome me into your life. I know that it’s a scary
thought and you may feel like you can never accept them, or return them.
Just know that you’ve become important to me, and to others in this town,
in the short time you’ve been here.”
There’s no way that I can accept his words. It’s just not feasible for me
to be with another man, whether it is physical or emotional. I don’t have
that part in me anymore. It was beaten and battered out of me long ago. I’m
too broken and flawed. Jaxon needs someone that is whole and innocent,
without scars, inside and out. Someone that can give him all of themselves.
I may not know Jaxon that well, but I do know that he deserves someone
special.
“I’m sorry, I just can’t....” I squeeze my eyes shut, worried that I’ll see
disappointment in his.
“Hey, look at me.”
I shake my head no.
“Angel, please look at me,” he urges me.
I force my eyes open and look at him. What I see isn’t disappointment. I
see a mixture of emotions swirling in his beautiful eyes. Sadness, passion,
desperation, and a whole slew of other feelings. It’s the sadness that brings
moisture to my eyes. I know that my eyes reflect the same emotion.
“It’s okay. I know you’ve been hurt and I accept that it’ll take time for
you to let me in. I’m willing to wait.” His lips look so soft when he lets
loose with a small smile.
He pulls back and drops his hands. I don’t like the feeling of loss once
his hands fall from my face. I want them back on me, which confuses me
because I never thought I would enjoy and want another man’s hands on
me. It’s such a strange feeling. I’m tempted to reach out and snatch his hand
and place it back where it was. It’s such a contradiction to have these
feelings.
“Hand me your phone,” he tells me.
I reach into my purse, which is still on my shoulder, and pull out my
phone. I hand it over to him and he starts pushing buttons. A minute later
his phone dings, letting him know that he has an incoming text. I take my
phone from him and place it back in my purse.
“You have my number. I want you to use it if you need anything, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Promise me that you’ll use it.”
“I promise, Jaxon.”
He holds my gaze for a few more seconds, ensuring that I’m telling the
truth. He then turns to the door and opens it. Before stepping through, he
turns back around.
“I’ll see you in the morning, Angel. Lock the door behind me. I’m not
leaving until I hear you lock it.” His face is stern. I believe he would
actually stand out there all night if he didn’t hear the click of the lock.
I nod my head yes and then tell him verbally. “I’ll lock the door as soon
as I close it. I promise.” I add on before he has a chance to make me say it.
He turns back toward the doorway and walks through it grabbing the
handle and pulling the door closed as he goes. Right before the door closes
he stops and looks me straight in the eye and says softly, “Thank you,
Angel.”
I have no idea what he’s thanking me for. Before I get a chance to ask
him, he closes the door with a soft click. I immediately reach out to flip the
lock and rest my head against the door. I’m surprised I feel the sadness seep
into me once the door is closed. I didn’t want him to leave, but then again,
it’s a relief to not feel so on edge anymore. It isn’t until a couple minutes
later that I hear his heavy boots walking away.
I let out a tired breath, beyond exhausted. I debate with myself on
whether I want to take the time to relax in the bath or take a quick shower
before heading to bed. I decide that my best bet would be a quick shower.
I’m so tired that it would be my luck that I would fall asleep in the bath and
drown myself.
I’m starving, but I just can’t find the energy to go in the kitchen and
make myself something to eat. I’d like to explore the apartment some more,
but again, I just don’t have the strength for that right now. Instead, I make
my way on tired legs to the bedroom.
Once inside, I walk directly to the dresser and pull out a black tank top
and a pair of lime green soft cotton shorts. I leave my purse and the
envelope of money on top. On my way to the bathroom, I grab a towel and
wash cloth out of the linen closet in the hallway.
I set my stuff down on the shelf beside the shower and start stripping off
my clothes. Once I’m naked, I stand in front of the mirror that hangs above
the sink to examine myself.
For most of my life I have had pale skin. This stems from not being
allowed outside much. As a kid, it was rare that my parents let me outside.
Even though we had a privacy fence my parents wanted me to have as less
of a chance of interacting with other people as possible. If they could have
gotten away with it, they wouldn’t even have allowed me to go to school.
Luckily for me they were smart enough to know that if they didn’t let me go
to school, then they would have Family and Children Services knocking on
their door.
When I was with Steven, he liked control in all things. He liked to keep
me in the house where he knew what I was doing and what people I saw. He
had camera’s set up all along the property so if I ventured outside he would
know and then I would be punished. I learned really fast to not chance it
and just stayed inside. Every once in a while though the call of the warm
sun would be strong enough that I deemed a beating worthy of just a few
minutes outside. Those few minutes were so very precious to me. I would
find a nice soft spot in the grass and lay there with my eyes closed, inhaling
the fresh air. I would lay there and daydream that I was anywhere but where
I actually was. I was completely free in those few moments and I loved
every second of them.
It was only during my college years that I really spend any real time
outside. When I first left my parent’s house I would spend every waking
moment when I wasn’t in class, working, or asleep outside. I spent more
time outside than I did inside. There were several times that I got pretty bad
sunburns from being outside so much. I know it sounds strange, but I loved
the feeling of my skin being burned from the sun. Even though it made my
skin itch and hurt, I would still find myself going outside whenever I could.
Eventually, Chris would make me come inside so she could rub aloe vera
on me. I hated going inside, but I knew that I needed to let my skin heal
from the burns. Over a period of time, I stopped burning and I just started to
tan.
Looking at my body now, I realize that I look even paler than I normally
do. I’ve completely lost my tan from the couple of years I’ve been forced to
stay inside. Maybe I’ll try to spend some time outside tomorrow before my
shift. Maybe I can take my book and sit outside in the gazebo that sits on
the library lawn.
My gaze wanders down my body, stopping every few seconds to look at
the multitude of scars that riddle me. Steven was a sadistic bastard that
liked to mark my body in numerous ways, using different kinds of
instruments.
When I turn my back to the mirror, I looked over my shoulder and see
even more scars. They run from the tops of my shoulders all the way down
to the back of my thighs. I’m covered in them. I will forever be branded by
Steven and our life together and no matter how hard or far I run I will
always carry the memory of him with me. He made sure that I’ll never
forget.
I release a tired sigh and walk over to the bath and adjust the
temperature to my liking. I’ve always enjoyed scorching hot showers. There
were many times as a child and an adult that the only thing that made me
feel somewhat clean was a blistering hot shower. Most people would shrink
away from the heat of the water, but I welcomed it.
Once the temperature is just right, I climb into the shower and let the
hot water beat down on my head and shoulders. It is so nice to take an
actual shower. No more ‘whore’s baths’ for me. At least not for a while
anyway. I know I’ll have to go back to them once I get back on the road.
I reach through the curtain and pick up the washcloth and bath soap. I
squirt some on the small towel and start to lather it across my tired body. I
start with my shoulders and work my way all the way down to between my
toes. Once finished, I rinse and do it again. After I deem my body clean
enough, I start on my hair. I wash that twice as well, but I only run
conditioner through it once.
When I’m done, I shut the water off and grab the towel and dry my
heated body. I’m still exhausted, but I finally feel clean again. I hang the
towel on the hook on the back of the bathroom door and slip into my
clothes. I run my brush through my hair and then braid it down my back.
When I’m at home, I don’t mind having my hair pulled back from my face.
I’ve grown used to the scar that runs across my face. It’s just another
reminder of what I’ve left behind and it continues to give me the courage to
keep running.
I pick up my clothes and walk into the bedroom. I drop my clothes right
inside the closet. Walking back to the dresser, I dig through my purse and
grab my phone. I need to call Chris and give her an update. Once I pull
back the covers and slip into bed, I push the button on my phone to bring up
my contacts. I only have three. Chris, Mia, and now, Jaxon. I stare at his
number for a couple of minutes. I wonder what he’s doing right now. Did he
go back to the bar? Is he below me right now wondering what I’m doing?
Did he go home for the night? Either way, I’m sure once he left here I was
the last thing on his mind.
Chris is the first person in my contacts and I click on her name and push
the talk button. It rings four times before she answers.
“Hey, Bailey! How are you? How’s the new job going?” It’s always the
same with Chris. She sounds so excited to hear from me. I don’t know how
I got so lucky to find a friend like her.
“I’m doing pretty well and the job is going great. There were a few
hiccups, but nothing too bad. It’s been better than what I thought it would
be. I think I might actually enjoy working there.” This is the truth. Other
than the Shady situation, I really like working there. I don’t tell her about
the alteration between Jaxon and Shady. It’ll only make her worry more.
“That’s wonderful news, hunny. How’s the town? Is everyone nice?
From what you’ve said it seems pretty small and I know some small towns
don’t take kindly to new people encroaching on their turf.”
“To be honest, everyone’s been really nice. Too nice sometimes. There’s
a girl named Anna here that’s been really sweet. I like her a lot.” I go on to
explain how I met Anna and how she found me screaming in my car after
my nightmare. I tell her about her and Nick’s relationship, explaining how
I’ve never met two people more in love with each other.
“Have you had any luck with a possible place to stay? You can’t keep
staying in your car. It’s not safe and I’ll worry about you until you find a
place.” To this day it still amazes me how much Chris cares for me. Other
than her there has been no one else that cared if anything happened to me.
“Actually, I did find a place to stay. That’s where I am now. Jaxon, the
owner of the bar, has an apartment above it and is letting me stay here.
Once I start making money, I’ll be paying rent.”
“This Jaxon character seems like a nice guy.” I hear a question in her
voice. I’m not ready to divulge everything that’s happened between Jaxon
and me yet. I’m still trying to figure things out myself. I give her just a little
bit.
“He’s been very nice. He got his sister to stock the fridge and cabinets
for me. Unfortunately, he found out that I don’t have much money so he
sent her to get some things I would need until I can get them myself.” I still
feel extremely embarrassed about the whole situation. I also still intend to
pay him back.
“Wow, that is nice. It sounds like you stumbled across an amazing little
town. Enjoy it while you’re there, Bailey. You deserve to be treated with
kindness. You’re way overdue for it.”
“It’s just so strange. I’ve never had people act the way these people act
towards me. They seem to like me and I don’t know how to respond. I’ve
been so out of touch with people that I feel lost.”
“Just be yourself, okay? You’re such a wonderful person. It doesn’t
surprise me that these people see that. One look at you and anyone could
see that you’re special.” Chris always knows what to say. She doesn’t
realize that she is the one that is amazing. It’s because of her that I’m still
here. She’s brought me through the worst of my life with Steven. She’s been
my rock and I love her dearly for it.
We talk for a few more minutes. Me telling her more about the town and
its people and her telling me about how school and work is going. She talks
about a guy she met yesterday that just started working at the restaurant
she’s waitressing at. She has the hots for him. I know it sounds juvenile, but
those are her exact words.
Ten minutes later we get off the phone after I reassure her that I’ll call
again in the next day or two. She doesn’t like going too long without
hearing from me. Calling and giving her updates is the very least I can do
after everything that she’s done for me. Besides, I always seem to feel better
after talking to her. I feel guilty for not telling her about everything that’s
happened here in Jaded Hollow’s. We normally are very open with each
other and I feel as though I am betraying her. I’ll tell her eventually, but I’m
just not ready yet.
After hanging up, I place the phone down on the night stand and
snuggle down under the warm soft comforter. It’s total bliss. I bury my head
in the plump pillow and allow my eyes to drift closed.
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Nine
“I told you, you stupid bitch that I won’t put up with you associating with
that cunt! Why won’t you listen to me? Why do you push me?” Steven says
as he lands another kick to my stomach with his fine Italian loafers. I suck
in a breath and I swear his last kick must have broken a rib and punctured a
lung. The breath that I take in is almost as painful as the kick itself.
I’m huddled on the floor in the corner of our living room with my arms
thrown around my head. Steven had just walked in unexpectedly while I was
finishing up my phone call with Chris. He wasn’t due back for another
couple hours so I thought I was safe. Apparently I was wrong.
Steven crouches down next to me and grabs a fist full of hair and yanks
it back, hard.
“You will not speak to her! You will not see her! You will not even so
much as think of her! She’s bad news Bailey! I’ll not have her putting crazy
ideas in your fucking head about you leaving me! I’ll fucking kill her and
you before I allow that to happen! I know she hates me and I’ll not have you
around her! Do you hear me?” He emphasizes his words by slamming my
head down onto the hard tile floor. I hear a crunch and I immediately feel
blood gushing out of my nose and mouth. The pain is excruciating.
“Fucking answer me, Bailey, or so help me God you’ll live to regret it.”
The grip on my hair tightens.
I stifle another pain filled cry when he yanks my head back again and
gets in my face.
“I’m sorry Steven. I promise I won’t talk to or see Chris again,” I croak
out. The sooner he is appeased the sooner this will be over. I’ll say or do
anything to make the pain go away.
Steven slams my face back onto the floor which causes another bout of
pain to shoot through my head. I roll to my side with my back facing him.
Steven stands back up and plants another kick to my body, this time to my
back. Blood sprays from my lips while I’m forced to arch my back and
whimper through the pain.
“Now get your sorry ass up and clean the mess you’ve made on the
floor. Once you’re done with that get dressed. We’re going to the club. You
need to be taught a lesson for disobeying me.” He then turns around and
walks away, leaving me to drag my self off the floor to do what he says.
I yank myself from the nightmare I am having and sit up in bed. This
one wasn’t as bad as some of the other ones. I don’t feel the need to
immediately rush to the bathroom. Even still I dry heave a little.
I push back the covers and swing my legs over the side of the bed. I
plant my feet on the floor and bend over and place my elbows on my knees
and my head in my hands.
That wasn’t the only time I received a punishment for speaking to Chris.
No matter how much I tried pushing Chris away because of the fear of
Steven hurting her, she refused to back down. She didn’t know for a long
time that Steven abused me. I was good at hiding it. When the abuse was
visible, I would come up with excuse after excuse as to why I couldn’t see
her. Eventually, she caught on to my ploys and figured it out. Of course, her
showing up at the house one day and me opening the door with a black eye
and a split lip probably helped her along the way. She was devastated that
she hadn’t figured it out before. She begged me to go to the police and even
threatened that if I didn’t she would herself. I pleaded with her and
explained that it would only make it worse. Steven had a lot of influence in
the community. There was no way they would believe a woman that came
from low life drug addicts over a prestigious and distinguished law-abiding
citizen. He was, after all, the attorney that put criminals away. No way
would someone like that be the very person he fights so hard to rid the
world of.
I lift my head and glance out the window. Dawn is just barely creeping
over the horizon. The sky has a stunning purple and pink hue to it. I hear
the early morning birds chirping and every once in a while I hear a rooster
crow. It’s such a peaceful sound.
I get up from my perch on the bed and move to the bathroom to relieve
myself. Once I’m finished I brush the fuzz off my teeth and wash my face.
Next, I pull the hair tie from the end of my hair and brush it, and then I pull
the mass on top of my head and secure it with the same hair tie.
I leave the bathroom and head towards the kitchen. I need coffee, stat.
I look at the clock on the microwave that sits above the stove and it says
it’s 6:30. Jaxon is supposed to pick me up for breakfast, but I have no idea
when he’ll be here. I’m assuming that he probably sleeps relatively late
since he works at night in his bar so I figure I’m safe for another few hours.
I don’t want to be caught in my pajamas when he gets here.
I walk over to the brand new looking coffee machine that’s placed next
to the fridge. I open the cabinet that’s above it, hoping that the fixings for
coffee are inside. Thankfully, it is. I pull out the coffee grounds and filters
and start a pot. I then pull out a coffee mug that’s in the same cabinet and
put some sugar in it. Chris used to always pick on me because I put so much
sugar in my coffee. She would ask me if I wanted a little bit of coffee with
my sugar. I pull the milk jug from the sink and put a splash in my mug.
Once the coffee is done brewing I commence putting a little bit of
coffee in my mug that’s a quarter way full of sugar and milk. A small smile
pulls at my lips. I miss Chris so much. She’s been my only friend for so
many years.
I take my mug and sit at the kitchen table. I watch out of the window as
I see several kids walking down the street carrying books and backpacks.
They laugh and joke and I am completely envious of their carry free nature.
They are so innocent to the dangers in the world, as they should be. I never
had that as a child. My children will never have that either.
Just as I’m lifting my coffee for another sip, I hear a knock at my door.
It startles me so much that my hot coffee spills over onto my hand. I yelp
and quickly get up to rush to the sink and run some cool water on my burnt
hand. The burn lessens immediately and I sigh in relief.
I’m reminded of why I burned my hand in the first place when another
knock sounds at my door.
“Bailey!” I hear Jaxon call through the door.
Crap! I’m still in my night clothes! So much for him being a late riser. I
really don’t want to open the door only wearing my tank top and short
shorts, but I can’t leave him out there. He must have heard me yelp when
the coffee spilled on me because he sounded worried when he called my
name. I grab a dishtowel to wrap around my hand and run over to the door.
I peek through the peephole just in case I misheard and the person isn’t
Jaxon. His warped bubble head is looking at the door with a frown. Just
before he can knock again I take a deep breath and unlock the door, pulling
it open slowly.
His worried gaze immediately searches mine as he takes a step towards
me. “Are you okay? I heard you scream.”
Before I answer I take a minute to look at him. It’s so hard not to notice
a man like Jaxon. He’s nothing like the men I’ve ever encountered,
certainly not like the men Steven would associate with and force on me.
Today he’s wearing the same black motorcycle boots. His legs are
encased in a pair of black cargo pants. The t-shirt, not black this time but
gray, he’s wearing molds to his body emphasizing his muscles to perfection.
He’s not wearing a long sleeve under his shirt today so his tattoos are on
full display. They are so bright and vibrant and full of life. He still has on
his leather wristband and around his throat is the black and silver woven
necklace. His black hair is a disheveled mess. Again, a forbidden thought
crosses my mind of me running my fingers through it. That’s crazy, Bailey.
I’m pulled from my perusal of him when he walks closer to me. “Angel,
what happened? Why did you scream?”
“Oh, I uh, spilled some hot coffee on my hand. I wasn’t expecting you
for another few hours so I was startled when I heard you knock.”
“Let me see.” He says with a deep rumble. He looks down at both my
hands and grabs the one still wrapped in the towel. He gently removes the
towel and brings my hand closer to his face. The skin on the back is red and
splotchy.
“I’m sorry I caused you to burn yourself.” I watch in fascination as he
lifts my hand and places a soft kiss on the back where the red spot is. His
lips are smooth and the sensation of them against my skin sends a shiver
through me. Goosebumps start to appear on my arms.
“It’s no big deal. I splashed cold water on it and it’s fine now. Doesn’t
even hurt anymore,” I say in a breathless voice.
How can this man bring out such foreign and forbidden feelings in me?
I thought that part of me was dead and gone. Stolen from me and never
returned. I don’t want to have these feelings, but apparently my body has a
mind of its own.
Just then, I feel Jaxon tense up and hear him hiss in a breath. I look up
to him, wondering what is wrong. What I see causes me to freeze. I forgot
that I’m still wearing my night clothes and he’s staring at me with hungry
eyes. He must have just noticed. He runs his eyes over the hair piled on my
head to my chest, where they linger a few seconds. He then moves his gaze
down my midriff and on down to my pelvic area. His eyes end on my bare
feet. The whole time his eyes travel down my body I can swear that I can
actually feel his eyes caressing me.
His nostrils are flaring and his eyes are radiating heat so hot that it’s a
wonder that I haven’t gone up in flames. His pupils are dilated and his
breathing has become erratic. The only reason I recognize the emotion in
his eyes is because I’ve seen it numerous times from Steven and his friends.
Only this time it’s not accompanied with malicious intent.
The desire in Jaxon’s eyes doesn’t so much as scare me because I worry
about the harm he’ll cause but because I actually like the desire I can
clearly see on his face. I don’t want to like it and I never thought I would
like it. I also don’t think I could ever let him do the things to me that I’m
sure he’s thinking. When I think of sex all I can picture is the various ways
Steven would force me to service him and his sick and twisted associates. I
may not completely trust him, but I know that sex with Jaxon would be
different. I just don’t think I could ever block out the images. Jaxon
deserves better. He deserves someone that will give him all of their
attention, not someone that would be visualizing all the ways sex could be
bad.
I’m also worried that once Jaxon sees all the damage done to my body
he’ll look at me differently. My scars are definitely not the sexy battle scars
that a lot of people carry. They are jagged lines and sunken in holes. They
represent weakness and cowardliness, not bravery and loyalty. Would he
look at me with revulsion and pity?
“Holy Christ,” I hear Jaxon say under his breath. His eyes are squeezed
tight and it sounds like he’s pleading with me when he says. “Please go get
dressed, Angel.”
I’m a little confused by his request and stand there and stare at him. It
looks as though he’s in pain. I don’t understand why he would be and I
don’t like that it looks like he is.
He’s already dropped my hand but now he takes a step back. He opens
his eyes and zeroes in on me. “Fuck.” He hisses out. “Bailey, I really need
you to leave and go get dressed. Now.” He grits the last out between
clenched teeth.
The tight expression on his face causes me to turn around and scurry
towards the bedroom. Once I close the bedroom door I slump against it.
What in the world was that about? I ask myself.
One minute he was concerned about my hand, acting his usual sweet
self. The next he’s practically demanding I leave him. I know I’m not the
most experienced person when it comes to sex, not the usual kind anyway,
but the way he looked at me right before I turned around made me wonder
if I had imagined the heat I had first thought I saw. He looked like someone
had just tortured him, like he was in agony. Why would looking at me put
that look on his face? I never want to see it again. It hurts deep down inside
of me to see it.
I release a deep sigh and walk towards the closet. I pull out a pair of
jeans and slip them on. I then pick out a plain white v-neck t-shirt and slip
that on as well. Next, is a pair of socks and my black Converses.
I make my way to the bathroom and release my hair from the tie. I run
my brush through it and leave it down. I’ve accepted that I have to wear it
up at work but I haven’t worked up the courage to do that yet outside of
work, unless I’m at home. The people at the bar have been really nice about
not mentioning it. One day soon maybe I’ll feel comfortable enough, but
not yet.
Suddenly feeling nervous about facing Jaxon again after what
happened, I quietly close the bathroom door, grab my purse from the
bedroom, and walk back towards the living room. He’s sitting on the couch
with his head in his hands, clenching his hair. At my approach, he lifts his
head and I see immediate relief on his face.
“Sorry for acting so weirded out back there. I just needed a moment to
myself.” He apologizes while standing up.
“That’s okay. I don’t understand why you weirded out but apology
accepted.” I give him a small smile.
“Believe me Angel, you’re not ready to know what caused me to act
like a lunatic.” He mutters, more to himself than me.
He starts walking towards me. Once he reaches me he grabs a lock of
my hair and rubs it between his fingers. “I hate that you feel that you need
to hide your beautiful face. Whatever happened to you, you shouldn’t be
ashamed of it.” He murmurs.
“I told you...”
“Bailey, sweetie, I know there’s more you’re not telling me. I
understand that you can’t tell me yet, but please don’t lie and say that’s all it
was.” He lightly tugs the strand he has a hold of.
“Okay, Jaxon, you’re right. There is more, but I’m not ready to talk
about it. I don’t know if I ever will. Either way, I’m just not prepared to
advertise my scar to the town yet. I haven’t had too many good experiences
with people’s reactions to it. It hasn’t been bad working at the bar but I’d
rather not test it on the rest of the town.”
“Thank you.” He says quietly, kissing my forehead.
“Are you ready to hit Maggie’s?” He asks while grabbing my hand and
walking towards the door.
“Absolutely! I’m starving.”
I hear his chuckle as I’m pulled through the door.
When we walk into the diner, there are more people in here than I’ve ever
seen before. This must be the rush of people that stop by for breakfast
before heading to work. There are only a couple of empty tables left and we
make our way to one in the back corner. As we pass by people we are
greeted with several ‘Good Mornings.’
“Does everyone really know everyone here?” I ask and then glance
around to the other tables. Several people are turned in the seats talking to
ones sitting at other tables. The whole place looks like one big family and
they’ve all gathered in one place for breakfast. It’s amazing to witness and I
envy the people of this small town. They have no idea how lucky they are.
“Unfortunately, yes.” He quirks his lips up at me.
“Why do you say unfortunately? It must be so nice to have so many
people around that care for you.” I pick up my menu and start looking
through it. I would give almost anything to have grown up in a town like
this.
“Living in a town like this definitely has its benefits. We band together
and protect each other. If anyone needs anything all they need to do is ask
any of their neighbors and they’ll bend over backwards to help them. On
the other hand, it’s a pain in the ass to have everyone know your business.
Secrets aren’t kept very long here in Jaded Hollows. It’s common
knowledge to just get it over with and tell the town on your own than have
rumors start.”
I take a big gulp at his implied words. There’s no way anyone in this
town can know my secrets. I’m sure not going to tell anyone.
Just then, Maggie walks up to our table carrying two coffee mugs and a
coffee pot. She sets the mugs down on the table and starts pouring coffee in
them.
“Good morning Jaxon and Bailey. How are you dears this fine
morning?” She asks with a smile on her face. I haven’t officially met
Maggie so I’m a little surprised she knows my name. But then again, I did
have breakfast with her granddaughter the other day and now I work for her
grandson. Not to mention I’m new in town and I’m sure everyone knows
my name by now.
Jaxon gets up from his seat and envelops Maggie in his arms and then
plants a sweet kiss on her cheek. “We’re both fine, Gram. How are you
doing?”
“I’m doing great, sweetie.” She says and pats Jaxon on the cheek.
“Couldn’t be better.” She’s now looking between Jaxon and me and I
wonder what she’s thinking. She has a twinkle in her eye that makes me
think she has something up her sleeve.
“How are you settling in at Jaxon’s, my dear?” She asks me and gives
me a tender smile.
I smile back at her and reply, “It’s definitely different than the place I
worked before, but so far so good.
“So, what can I get for you both, or do you need more time? I’m so used
to Jaxon already knowing what he wants when he walks in I forgot that you
haven’t had a the chance to memorize our menu.” She says with a chuckle.
Jaxon glances at me to see if I’m ready. I nod my head yes and we both
turn towards Maggie.
We both tell her what we would like for breakfast; me, a single waffle
with strawberry filling and whip cream on top and a side of bacon; Jaxon,
the full house, which consists of a meal that could feed a whole baseball
team.
Maggie takes our order in without writing it down. It must stem from
years of waitressing.
“I’ll bring y’all both a glass of orange juice to go with it,” she says
before making her way her over behind the counter.
I glance back at Jaxon. “There’s no way you can eat all that food.”
“You’d be surprised at how much a hungry man can put in his belly.”
We both laugh at his reply.
Getting back to our earlier conversation before Maggie walked up I tell
Jaxon, “You have no idea how lucky you are to be surrounded by people
willing to help you, to care for you. I would take them being nosy every day
to know that I had that type of support system.”
“Oh, believe me, I know I’m lucky to live here and be a part of this
community. It’s just frustrating at times not being able to do something
without the entire town knowing about it. We have no privacy here.”
I look down at my hands that are resting on the table. “I still say it
would be worth it. I would give almost anything to have that.”
Jaxon reaches across the table with his hand and starts to lightly trace
my fingers with the tips of his. I look back up at him and I see him
watching both of our hands. His touch is so light that I barely feel it. Even
so, it still brings on a strong reaction from my body. His fingers may only
be touching my hand, but I swear I feel it throughout my entire body. I feel
tingles starting in my fingertips and they radiate through my arms and move
down to my chest and into my stomach. I not only feel tingles in my
stomach, but it also feels like there’s fluttering in there as well. Like little
butterflies lazily flying around. It sounds cliché, but that’s the best way I
can describe it. The tingles move from my stomach and work their way
down pass my most private area and move in through my legs.
This reaction I’m having is just from his simple touch to my fingers. It’s
a feeling I’ve never felt before and it takes me by surprise. My breath
hitches and Jaxon looks back up to me. His fingers stop their movement,
but he doesn’t remove them. He’s watching me with an uncertain
expression. I lick my suddenly dry lips and his eyes drop to them briefly
before moving back to my own eyes. The look in his has changed slightly,
darkening with want and a slight hint of confusion. I’m captivated by the
change so I can’t look away. I should be scared by the look, but for some
unknown reason I’m not. They are not looking at me as though I’m a piece
of meat and him a starving animal. They are appreciative, like he genuinely
enjoys what he sees. They also convey confusion, like he’s not entirely sure
of my reaction to him. That makes two of us because I’m not sure of my
reaction either. These feelings are new to me and I don’t know how to react
to them.
Forcing myself to break the hold he has on my eyes I glance back down
to our fingers.
Jaxon starts tracing them again. “I take it you haven’t had a lot of
support throughout your life?”
I laugh but, there’s absolutely no humor in it. “You could definitely say
that.”
I look back up to see Jaxon is watching me with a frown on his face.
That’s another expression from him that I don’t like to see.
“What about your family? Friends? Surely there is someone that you
can count on.”
I really don’t want to talk about my family, if you could even call them
that, but I don’t want to appear rude and ignore his question. I give him
only what I am able to give him.
“I haven’t seen or spoken to my family is years. I prefer to keep it that
way. As far as friends, I only have one, Chris.”
I see something flicker in his eyes and his brows pull down low. It looks
like disappointment, sadness, and, if I’m not mistaken, jealousy all mixed
together. It’s the jealousy that confuses me the most.
“Chris?”
“Chris. She’s been my best friend since third grade. She’s the only one I
can count on. She’s always been there for me when I needed her. I love her
fiercely and I know there is no way I can pay her back for everything she’s
done for me.”
Immediate relief appears in Jaxon’s eyes once I start talking about her
and all at once I realize why I saw the jealousy. He thought Chris was a guy.
The thought brings a smile to my face.
“You thought Chris was a man didn’t you?” I’m still smiling when I ask
him.
He chuckles lightly and replies, “Well, can you blame me? It’s not very
often you come across a woman named Chris.”
“No, I guess not.” I laugh with him. “It’s short for Christabelle. It’s a
mouth full so she decided to shorten it.”
We lapse into a comfortable silence after that. We are both looking
down at our hands on the table. He still hasn’t stopped moving his fingers
over mine. I shift my fingers a little to separate them and he glides his
between them. It tickles a little but still feels very nice and comforting. I’ve
grown accustomed to the sensations it’s causing and am disappointed when
he removes his hand when Maggie stops at our table with our food and
orange juice.
“Here you go, dears,” she says as she sets down two plates in front of
me and four plates in front of Jaxon. My eyes bug out at the amount of food
he has ordered.
“Thanks gram. It looks great.” He tells Maggie as he picks up his fork
and digs into his eggs.
She laughs at him while she watches him shovel food into his mouth.
She turns to me and says, “That boy has always known how to put food
away. You’d think he was starved as a child, but I know better. Between his
mama and me it’s a wonder he wasn’t a fat child. Even now, I wonder how
he can eat so much and stay so lean.”
Jaxon puts down his fork and wipes his mouth with a napkin. “You
know why I was never a fat kid. You and mama always had me running
errands or helping out around here or the house. As for now, I run and lift
weights when I can.” He shrugs when he says the last.
“Well, whatever you’re doing now is definitely working. There’s not an
inch of extra on you, dear. You’ve grown into a fine looking young man.
Don’t you agree, Bailey?”
Maggie looks at me for a response and I start to blush. I hate being put
in the spotlight and this situation is worse than others. Jaxon must know he
looks good and doesn’t need me to reassure him. Maggie knows this as
well. I may not want to say it out loud, but Jaxon is one of the best looking
men I’ve ever encountered. He’s not only good looking on the outside, but
I’m discovering he’s pretty darn fine on the inside as well.
Still blushing profusely I stutter out my response. “Uh..umm...yes
ma’am, Jaxon is a very good looking man.” I’m looking anywhere but at
Jaxon. I know he sees the color on my cheeks, but I can’t bring myself to
look at him. I know it may sound immature or childish of me but I never
had a chance at a normal relationship before I was thrown into an
unconventional one. During college my total focus was my studies, until I
met Steven, so I never got a chance to completely notice guys and how
relationships and flirtations worked between a man and a woman.
“Leave it, Gram. I know what you’re doing and you need to stop.”
Jaxon says in a stern voice.
I finally turn my head to Jaxon and see him giving his Gram a pointed
look.
She lifts her hands in mock innocence and smiles. “What? I’m not doing
anything that any grandmother wouldn’t do for her good looking grandson.”
Jaxon picks his fork back up and points it at her. “Well, don’t. I don’t
need any help.” He lowers his fork back down to his food.
She looks between the two of us for a couple of seconds, her smile still
in place. She finally nods like she’s satisfied with what she sees. She bends
down to kiss Jaxon on the cheek and then moves over to do the same with
mine, shocking me, before straightening back up. “Let me know if either of
you need anything, you hear.”
“Yeah, Gram, will do.” He says around a mouth full of food.
During their conversation I just watch the two of them. You can tell that
they care deeply for each other. They act like a real family should act. Even
though the conversation made me feel uncomfortable it was still a blessing
to watch.
Once she leaves I pick up my fork to cut into my waffle. I have a bite
halfway to my mouth when Jaxon starts talking.
“Sorry about that. Gram has been known to meddle where she’s not
wanted, especially with Anna, Mia, and me. She likes to think she’s
helping, but it only complicates things.”
I put the fork back down and reply, “It’s okay. She only does it because
she loves you. I can’t fault her for that. You’re lucky to have her.”
“I know and I love her, but she needs to know when to stick her nose in
and when not to.”
Picking my fork back up I take a bite of my food. After a swallow I
mutter, “I still think it’s sweet. I would have loved having a Gram like her
growing up.”
We finish our food in silence. Like the other times I’ve eaten at
Maggie’s, the food is delicious. It has a home cooked taste to it that makes
it much better than the bland food you taste at other restaurants. Even
though I haven’t eaten since yesterday afternoon, the small meal that I
ordered fills me up. I’ve had to scrimp on food lately so it doesn’t take me
long to get my fill.
I sigh and lean back in my chair once my plate is empty. I look over to
Jaxon and see he is already leaning back in his seat, his multiple plates
empty.
“I can’t believe you ate all of that. There was enough food there to feed
me for a week.”
He twists his lips into a smirk and says, “Told you I could put away
some food. I don’t eat like I should at night because of the bar so I eat as
much as I can during the day.”
I laugh lightly. “Well, I’m definitely impressed.”
“So, Angel, tell me about yourself.” He says while crossing his arms
over his hard chest, the muscles in his arms bulging out of his t-shirt.
I knew it was coming, but I dread it all the same. I have no idea what to
say to him. I can’t tell him about my childhood or my time with Steven.
Well, I can, but I really don’t want to. It has the potential to cause a lot of
problems, problems that I don’t need. My plate is full enough and I don’t
think I can take anymore. I can bypass all the entire negative and just give
him snippets of the good, the little there is anyway.
Nervously twisting my hands that are sitting on my lap under the table I
ask him, “What do you want to know?”
After taking a sip of his coffee, he places it back down on the table.
“Hmm...let’s see. Where did you grow up? What were you like as a child?
Do you have any siblings? You mentioned college. What did you major in?
What do you like to do for fun? What’s your favorite color? Food? Movie?
I want to know anything and everything about you.”
I start laughing as he spits out the multitude of questions. “Wow, that’s a
lot of questions. You sure you want to know all that? I’m a pretty boring
person.”
He watches me for a few minutes with a smile on his face before he
says, “For some reason I think I’ll find that not to be true.”
“Okay, let’s start from the beginning and you’ll see just how dull my
life's been.” Taking a deep breath I start telling him the pieces I allow
myself to reveal.
“I grew up in a medium size town in the south. We lived in a dull
neighborhood that had no other kids. I was a small, quiet, and shy child.
The only friend I had was Chris and I didn’t get to see her that much, except
in school. School was not fun for me because I was so withdrawn into
myself. The only highlight was seeing Chris. I have no siblings. It was just
me, my mom, and my dad, which I told you earlier I haven’t spoken to in
years. And please don’t ask about them. I’m not ready for that
conversation.” I tack on the last because I see the questions swirling in his
odd eyes.
“I went to college and got my degree in education. I wanted to be an
elementary school teacher. For reasons I would rather not discuss, that
dream never came to fruition. I haven’t really had a chance to do stuff for
fun but I do enjoy reading. It’s a passion I recently discovered and I love it.
My favorite color changes often, depending on the things I see around me.
My current favorite is steel blue.” Of course I don’t tell him that the reason
it is my current favorite is because of the times I’ve seen his eyes change to
that color.
Even though he may not know the reason I still blush and look down to
my lap. When I look back up, I see him watching me intently, like he’s
absorbing every word that comes out of my mouth.
I finish up the answers to his questions. “My favorite food is my home
made lasagna, which I might see if Maggie wants to try putting it on her
menu because everyone needs to try it. My favorite movie is Sleeping With
the Enemy.”
When I finish he has his elbows resting on the table and he’s leaning
towards me. I know that I’ve left a lot unanswered. I also know he is dying
to ask me questions I’m not ready to answer. I can see it in his eyes. I just
hope he listened to me and doesn’t ask his questions.
In the end, he asks a question that I didn’t expect. It’s a question that I
have to answer delicately for fear of revealing too much.
“Why is your favorite movie Sleeping With the Enemy, Angel?” He asks
me quietly. There’s a tick in his jaw and the look he has in his eyes is
intense. There’s a mixture of worry and anger. I’m assuming the two
emotions are there because of what my answer might tell him about me and
my life. I do have a specific reason why it’s my favorite movie, but I can’t
tell him that so I decide to go with the most basic answer I can.
I shrug my shoulders and answer his question as if it’s no big deal. “The
woman went through hell with her husband. I find it amazing that she could
find the courage to run away from that and start a new life on her own.
Although she was still terrified when she left, she didn’t let that fear hold
her in place. She got herself out of that situation with the little she had to
use. Even when her husband found her she didn’t just meekly cower down,
she took a stand. That takes a lot of courage and I admire her for it.” I don’t
tell him that it was after I saw that movie while in the hospital that helped
give me courage to escape my own situation. The guy in the movie would
have eventually killed his wife and I knew that our situations were similar.
It was just a waiting game.
Jaxon is still watching me with fierce eyes. He was very smart to catch
onto the whole movie thing. When I told him my favorite movie, I thought
nothing of it. That was stupid on my part. I should have known that he
would pick something up from that. I can sense that he knows there’s more
to it than the answer I gave him but luckily he doesn’t pressure me to reveal
more.
We sit in silence for a few minutes just watching each other. Just as it is
starting to become uncomfortable Jaxon gets up and reaches his hand out to
mine. I guess our breakfast is over. Not once does he release my hand while
he pays for our food or during the walk back to the apartment.
When we make it to the door to my apartment I pull the keys from my
purse to unlock the door but he scoops them from my hand and does it
himself, handing them back to me after he does so. After depositing my
purse and keys on the small table by the door, I turn to him.
“Thank you for breakfast,” I say sweetly looking up into his eyes.
“It was my pleasure.” He responds while taking a step closer to me and
lifting his hand to my face. His proximity is a little unsettling but welcome
as well.
I close my eyes, knowing what’s coming next; him kissing my forehead.
I’m looking forward to it. It’s such a sweet thing for him to do, and for
someone like me that hasn’t had much sweet in her life, I love it all the
more. I’m starting to look forward to these intimate gestures from him.
What I don’t expect and completely takes me by surprise is the warm
lips that lightly settle on my own. Jaxon uses his thumb under my jaw to
gently tip my head back. I’m still stunned and comply immediately. His kiss
is soft and tender, like he’s afraid he might scare me. I have to admit that I
am a little scared, but I’m also excited.
Jaxon timidly runs his tongue across the seam of my mouth and in a
bold move I never thought I was capable of, I open my lips to him. He
swoops in immediately and tangles his tongue with mine. He tastes of mint
and coffee and I love the combination.
As if Jaxon knows that if he pushes too hard I’ll withdraw, only his lips
and hands are touching me. There’s still a couple inches separating us and I
can’t help but be disappointed in the space. This is a big step for me and
I’m surprised I haven’t started freaking out yet. Yes, I’m nervous and
unsure but it just feels right. I can only assume it is because Jaxon doing the
kissing. I can’t imagine doing this with anyone else. Even the thought
repulses me.
Jaxon slowly pulls away but places two more sweet kisses against my
lips. He then rests his forehead against mine. His breathing has become
labored. Mine isn’t much better. The kiss couldn’t have lasted more than a
minute, but it feels like it was hours.
I’m left with not knowing what to say while he stares into my eyes. His
is searching mine to make sure that I’m okay. I give him a reassuring smile
to let him know that I am. In return, he gifts me with a smile as well and
places another kiss against my lips.
“I’ve got to go,” he murmurs there.
“Okay,” I whisper. I don’t want him to go, but I’m also relieved. I need
time to think about the kiss.
“I’ll see you tonight.” He murmurs again.
“Okay,” I whisper back, already looking forward to it.
“I don’t want to leave.” He says while staring into my eyes. I stare back,
transfixed by his beautiful gaze. The one is my favorite color again. Steel
blue.
Reluctantly he drops his hand while pulling away and reaches behind
him to open the door. He takes a quick step back to me and lands another
sweet kiss on my lips.
“Later, Angel.” He says softly with a smile.
“Later Jaxon,” I reply just as softly with my own smile.
“Lock the door behind me.”
“Okay.”
I heard his heavy boots against the floor once he hears the turn of the
locks.
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Ten
Over the course of the next several days, I find myself developing a routine.
In the mornings, I get my first hit of coffee while sitting at the table
overlooking the main street of town. Sitting there, I watch the pedestrians
and wonder what their lives are like. Are they happy with where they are in
their life? Are they married? Did they have any kids? Where did they work?
What are their hobbies? Where are they going that day?
I’ve always been fascinated with others’ lives. Even as a child I would
love to watch other people. When I got older sometimes I would fantasize
that I was one of the people that I was watching. I would make up these
elaborate stories in my head that had me working as an elementary school
teacher. Each day I would come home to my loving and dedicated husband.
He would be someone that showered me with attention and loved me
unconditionally. He would be a hardworking man that doesn’t shy with
helping me around the house. We’d have three beautiful kids, which we
both adored. We’d live in an average house in an average neighborhood.
My fantasies weren’t real fancy, but they were my own and I could make
them into whatever I wanted.
Every once in a while I would see an Amish cart ride but I think what
held my attention the most was watching the kids walk to school. I have
always wanted children. I’ve never really had the opportunity to be around
them that much but I know, even as a kid myself, that I wanted them when I
got older. They are so innocent and carefree, with no worries of the world.
Even though my own childhood was a disaster I knew that I would cherish
my child and protect them with my life.
After I would sit and watch the world go by I would get dressed and be
ready for when Jaxon would stop and pick me up for breakfast. I was a little
skeptical at first when he kept asking me to have breakfast with him, but
I’ve grown to love the time I get to spend with him. He may look tough and
dangerous with all his tattoos and piercings, and he probably is, but with me
he is one of the sweetest and kindest men I’ve ever met. I may not have
known him long, but I feel safer with him than I have with any other man.
It’s an unusual and exciting feeling.
We usually eat our breakfast, drink several cups of coffee, and then sit
and talk for a couple of hours. I reveal little bits of my past, the pieces that
aren’t tainted, and he tells me about himself. He has also told me a little bit
about the town. I learned that he and his family have lived in Jaded Hollow
for generations.
I also learned that Jaxon’s pub was originally built by his greatgrandfather, who was also named Jaxon, and when he passed away several
years ago from lung cancer he left it to him. Maggie’s Diner has also been
in the family for years. His family consists of him, his grandmother, mother,
Mia, Anna, an aunt and uncle and a few little cousins. He also has some
extended family members from his father’s side that he hasn’t seen in years.
When Jaxon revealed that his father ran off a few years ago, I could tell
there was more to the story than what he was telling me. There was hurt and
betrayal written in his eyes. It was obviously a sore subject so I didn’t try
and pursue it.
I learned that Jaxon owns a motorcycle and he enjoys taking rides just
for the freedom it gives him. He said that when he needs time to think he’ll
hop on it and just ride, with no destination in mind. He claims it calms him
and allows him to clear his mind. I also learned that he got his first tattoo
when he was just sixteen years old. His mom threw a fit, until she saw it. It
was a simple design of the word ‘mom’ written in calligraphy, which he had
placed above his heart. Once she saw it, she burst into tears and pulled him
into a hug. She couldn’t be mad after that.
The more I learned about Jaxon, the more I liked him. He truly is a great
guy. Anyone would be lucky to have him in their life. Not only is he
wonderful, but he has a wonderful family as well. I can’t help but to be a
little jealous of him.
After our breakfast and little chats Jaxon would always walk me home.
There, standing at the door, Jaxon would lightly kiss me, just like the first
morning. At first I was nervous but I’ve come to cherish each and every
time he tenderly places his lips against mine. He’s always so gentle and
sweet, never pushing for more. I know I’m not ready for anything more and
I guess Jaxon realizes that. I may not be ready emotionally, but my body is
another thing. Each time he kisses me, my body sings. My mind may be
telling me to keep things slow, but my body is telling me to go further.
After Jaxon would give me the sweetest kisses ever he would leave,
after hearing me lock the door. From there I would grab my purse and a
book and head to the library, where I would get lost in a book for a couple
of hours.
Anna and I have gotten closer as well. Once I leave the library I would
head back over to Maggie’s Diner and sit while she works. Or if we both
have a day off at the same time we would go back to one of our places or go
to the next town over, which has several shopping centers. I’m still very
diligent with my money, I never know when I might have to up and leave,
but I’ve also splurged a little on clothes. As my wardrobe is seriously
lacking I’ve justified the spending to needing some clothes anyway.
Nick left town a few days ago for another construction site so Anna has
been depressed. I try to keep her busy so her mind isn’t constantly dwelling
over Nick not being here. I have no idea what Anna is going through
because I’ve never loved anyone so wholeheartedly, but I can see that when
her mind wonders to Nick she is completely miserable. I can’t imagine
loving someone so much that you feel lost and incomplete without them. I
thought I had loved Steven in the beginning of our relationship, but it never
crippled me when we weren’t together.
Each evening I would go to work. I’ve become more comfortable with
my surroundings while at Jaxon’s Pub. There have been instances where a
man will flirt with me and I’ll stiffen but Mia, Andrew, or Jaxon is always
there. I know most of the men are harmless, but I still can’t help the natural
reactions in me telling me to cringe. When the regulars do the flirting it
doesn’t bother me that much, but when it’s someone I’ve never met before
that’s when I become uncomfortable. It’s been ingrained in me since
childhood. I’m getting better, but I’ve still got a long way to go. Luckily
there have been no more Shady incidences.
Mia is still quiet and reserved, but she’s started opening up to me more.
I can tell there is a story behind her reserve. Something happened to her as
well. We are two peas in a pod.
Andrew is the life of the bar. He is absolutely hilarious and I love to see
him shamelessly flirting with Jaxon. Jaxon doesn’t seem to mind. He’s
confident in himself and his sexuality. It’s funny to watch when Jaxon gives
Andrew a little run for his money and flirts back. Andrew knows that Jaxon
is as straight as an arrow and nothing will ever come of it. Andrew likes to
act like it’s all fun and games when Jaxon shuts him down, but I know it’s
all an act. I also know that Andrew does secretly love Jaxon, I see it when
he looks at him sometimes when he thinks no one notices, but he knows it’s
utterly impossible. Andrew has actually confided in me about his feelings.
It’s unrequited love, but he’s not hurt by it. He just knows that’s how it’s
supposed to be.
I’m growing to love being in the bar. For the most part everyone is very
nice. The town and its inhabitants are growing on me and I’m becoming
attached, something I never thought would happen. I really enjoy seeing
everyone interact with each other. The people of Jaded Hollow act as
though they are one big happy family. It’s amazing to witness.
Each night Jaxon walks me to my apartment door and gives me another
lingering kiss. He never asks to come in, needing to get back to the bar. I
want to ask him to come in, even if it’s just to watch a movie with me, but I
don’t know how to approach it. I don’t want him to think I want more right
now but, I love spending time with him. I see him in the mornings and then
again at night during work, but it just doesn’t seem enough. I hate to hear
him on the other side of the door walking away. I’m so confused and I don’t
know what to do.
So, that is my current daily routine. Currently, I am lounging on my
couch watching The Big Bang Theory. It’s a show that I discovered the
other night when I got off work and couldn’t get to sleep. Every night since
then I try to catch an episode whenever I can. Sheldon is a hoot and I love
to see what crazy idea he comes up with next.
I’m sitting here debating on whether or not to go to bed or watch
another episode, when my phone starts ringing. The only people that have
my number are Chris, Jaxon, Mia, Anna, and Andrew. Knowing that it has
to be one of them I snatch up my phone and answer it without looking at the
screen.
“Hello.”
There’s nothing but silence. Thinking that maybe they didn’t hear me I
repeat myself. “Hello?”
Just as I am about to hang up because obviously there is a bad
connection, I hear one of the most chilling sounds I’ve ever heard. I go
completely still and I’m frozen in place. My heart stops for a second before
it starts slamming in my chest like it’s trying to escape. My mouth goes dry
and I begin to hyperventilate, breathing in and out heavily. What I hear
crushes me. It’s a sound that I used to long to hear but now it terrifies me.
On the other side of the phone I hear a baby wailing at top of its lungs.
It’s excruciating to listen to and it breaks my heart into a million pieces. The
baby cries and cries and cries. The sound seems like it goes on for hours,
but I know that it’s only been a couple of minutes. In the minutes that I hear
the awful sound I come undone and let loose my own sobs. Clutching the
phone to my ear my other hand comes to my mouth and I fall apart.
Abruptly, just as quickly as it started the wailing stops and then silence.
I’m still crying into the phone when I hear a click and then the dial tone.
I drop the phone into my lap and grab at my hair on either side of my
head, pulling hard. I scream out so hard that I wouldn’t be surprised if I
popped a blood vessel in my eyes. I know I’m losing it, but I’m helpless to
stop it.
It’s obvious that Steven has figured out my phone number, but I wonder
if he knows where I am. I’m thinking he doesn’t because if he knew where I
was then he would be here right now, instead of terrorizing me from afar.
He may not know where I am now, but it won’t be long before he does.
I squeeze my eyes at the thought. I don’t want to leave this place. I’m
finally happy where I am. I have friends, I have a job, I’m sort of living on
my own, and I have a guy, I’m not really sure what Jaxon is, that seems to
genuinely care about me.
I don’t want to leave, but I also don’t want Steven to find me here
either. There’s no telling what he’ll do if he sees that I’m happy and that
there are people that care about me. It terrifies me to think about Steven’s
reaction if he finds out about Jaxon. I know that Jaxon can hold his own in a
fight, but Steven won’t come at Jaxon without backup. He also won’t come
at Jaxon fairly. Steven is a hot shot lawyer and he has many contacts, some
that work on the right side of the law and some that work on the wrong side.
I need to leave.
Just then my phone starts ringing in my lap and I jump. I can’t deal with
another phone call like the one I just received. I pick it up to throw it
against the wall when I see on the screen that it says it’s Jaxon. I frantically
push the talk button and bring it to my ear.
“Jaxon,” I say hoarsely into the receiver. My throat is dry from my
screaming and crying.
He knows immediately that something is not right.
“Angel, what is it? What’s wrong?” He hurriedly asks.
“He..he has my number. He’s going to find me.” I start crying harder.
Oh God, this can’t be happening. Not now.
Jaxon speaks again into the phone. “Bailey, listen to me. I’m headed out
the door of the bar right now. I’m headed your way, okay. Don’t hang up.
I’m almost there, Angel.”
I hear his rapid breathing at the same time I hear him pounding up the
stairs. A couple seconds later there is pounding at the door. I know that it’s
Jaxon, but I still give off a little yelp at the pounding.
“It’s okay Angel. It’s just me. Come to the door and let me in. Hurry.” I
can tell he’s out of breath and straining to stay calm.
I immediately get up and run over to the door to unlock it. As soon as I
open the door I rush into Jaxon’s arms and push my face into his hard chest.
I suddenly feel safe again and I burst into more uncontrollable sobs. He
walks me backwards with his arms around me and then kicks the door
closed. He reaches one arm back to lock the door.
He scoops me up and walks to the couch. He takes a seat with me still
cradled against his chest. While he strokes my back and hair, soothing me I
try and calm my crying. I clutch his shirt and breathe him in. He feels so
warm and smells so good and refreshing. I wish I could stay here forever, in
the protection of his arms and forget about all my worries.
“Shhh...I’ve got you.” He whispers in my ear.
I sniffle into his shirt and reluctantly lift my head from the safe haven of
his chest. His hands move from my back to my cheeks and he wipes away
my tears. I must look a mess, but he doesn’t seem to care.
“What the hell happened?” The vehement in his voice takes me by
surprise, but I know it’s out of concern for me.
I sit there and stare into his odd eyes. I debate with myself on how much
to tell him. I need to give him something, but I don’t want to reveal the
whole story. First, it’s too painful to revisit. I already live with it every day.
Second, I don’t want Jaxon to look at me with pity, or God forbid, think less
of me because I kept myself in the situation for as long as I did. And third, I
know Jaxon cares about me but I also know he has a temper. I worry about
his reaction if he were to learn everything I’ve gone through. I take a deep,
encouraging breath and decide to give him a little.
“I had some trouble back home and decided that I needed to leave. I
received a phone call right before you called that brought it all back.” I
glance down at my hands to avoid his gaze.
He grips my chin and tilts it back up to him, forcing me to look in his
eyes. “What kind of problems Bailey?”
“I can’t – I can’t tell you. It’ll only make them worse.” I whisper back
to him.
I can see the disappointment and frustration in his eyes. As much as it
pains me to see the two emotions I just can’t take the chance and tell him. I
know that if he were to ever learn the truth he would interfere and
inadvertently make the situation worse by unknowingly letting Steven know
where I am. It would not only bring the wrath of hell down on myself but,
even worse, bring it down on Jaxon and the ones that I’m starting to care
for. No matter what, I can’t let anything happen to them, especially Jaxon.
“Baby, you need to learn that you can trust me. I can help you, only if
you’ll let me. Please let me do this. I can see the struggle that you carry. It’s
killing me knowing that you’re going through something that I have no
knowledge of. I care for you, Angel, and it’s eating me alive not knowing.”
He pleads with me.
It takes everything I have to not give in to him, but I just can’t. I can’t
let him put himself or anyone else, in danger. He doesn’t understand the
ramifications if I were to tell him. Steven is too much a figurehead and is
too high on the chain for Jaxon to come out unscathed. No! It’s just too
risky!
“You don’t understand, Jaxon. It’s too dangerous. I can’t tell you. It’ll
only hurt you and I can’t do that. As much as I thought I could never trust
or care about someone again, I have come to care about you. And trust you.
That’s why you can’t know. I can’t bear the thought of you getting hurt,
especially because of me.” I beg him with my eyes to understand.
The grip he has on my chin tightens slightly. His expression determined.
“I can take care of myself. It’s you that needs protecting. I just don’t know
what from. You’re leaving me blind here.”
“There’s nothing you can do. There’s nothing that anyone can do. I
brought it on myself and I have to figure out a way to fix it. Thank you for
caring and wanting to help. You have no idea how much that means to me,
but there’s nothing that can be done.”
I see the torment swirling in his eyes before he roughly pulls me
forward and into his arms. I feel him rest his chin on top of my head. I wrap
my arms around him as well, basking in his outdoorsy scent. It’s amazing
how safe I feel when I’m surrounded by Jaxon. I’ve never felt safe in my
life. I savor it and wish that I could have it forever. I tuck each and every
one of Jaxon’s hugs away in my memory bank so that when I leave and I
need comfort I can pull them out again.
“Ah, Angel, I wish you would let me be the judge of that.” I hear him
murmur.
We continue to hold each other for several minutes. We sit there in
silence, both lost in our own thoughts. He pulls back slightly but keeps his
arms around me loosely. His eyes are my favorite color again.
“I need to get you in bed.” He says huskily.
My body jerks and I suck in a quick breath. My heart starts to thunder in
my chest. I don’t know if it’s from fear or anticipation. The act of sex itself
terrifies me but I know that it would be different with Jaxon. Jaxon
wouldn’t force me. He wouldn’t make me do anything that I didn’t want to
do. He would be gentle and easy. Even knowing this I’m still not ready. I
don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. I worry that all I’ll ever see when it comes
to sex is Steven and his goons and the heinous things they’ve done to me.
Jaxon notices my pending panic attack and quickly places both of his
hands on the sides of my face. He bends down so we are eye to eye.
“No, Angel, no. That’s not what I meant. As much as I want to take you
to bed and love you I know you can’t handle that right now. I can be patient
and wait. You’re beat and need to get some rest. I just want to hold you
until you fall asleep. No funny business. I promise. Will you give me that?”
As I look up at Jaxon, I realize three things. One, is that I’ve come a
long way since I first rolled into town. I no longer shrink away when Jaxon
gets too close or initiates intimate contact. An action that I never thought
was possible. Two, is that I’ve never wanted anything more that to have
Jaxon hold me as I drift off to sleep. To be cocooned in his big arms seems
like the most perfect way to fall asleep. And three, is that I completely trust
Jaxon to keep his word.
I give him a timid smile and say, “I believe I can do that.”
He graces me with his own smile and reaches down to peck a simple
kiss on my lips. My own grin widens.
It’s hard to believe that I can smile after the phone call I received
tonight, but I blame it all on Jaxon. He makes me feel different. Happy.
More confident. Relaxed. He brings light into my dreary life.
Jaxon reaches down and scoops me up into his arms. The move is so
sudden that I let out a loud yelp and throw my arms around his neck.
Jaxon isn’t fazed by my yelp and starts chuckling while he carries me
down the hallway.
“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” He says while still chuckling.
He doesn’t set me down until we reach the bed. He gently lays me down
in the middle and then reaches for the comforter. I’m forced to lift myself so
he can pull it back. He sits down and starts pulling off his boots. I lay on my
side huddled into a ball and watch him. He then gets up and removes his
jacket and places it at the end of the bed.
Tonight he’s wearing his standard black shirt and ripped jeans. Jaxon
sits back on the bed and lays down, bringing the covers with him. I have to
admit that I’m a little disappointed that he didn’t remove his shirt.
He rolls towards me and opens his arms. “Come here, Angel.” He says
softly.
Hesitantly, I scooch over to him. He puts his arm around me and
maneuvers me until my back is facing his front. Once that’s done he has one
arm wrapped around my middle with his hand tucked under my side. The
arm that I’m lying on goes around my neck and lays diagonal across my
chest and is resting on top of my arm. He buries his face in my hair and
takes a deep breath. I am completely wrapped in Jaxon. I thought I would
be nervous and a little uncomfortable lying in bed with Jaxon but it’s the
opposite. I love it.
He releases a sigh. “Thank you. I’ve wanted to hold you like this for a
while now.” He shifts slightly to bend his knees, which causes me to bend
mine as well.
“Is black the only color t-shirts you wear?” I ask him curiously.
He laughs lightly in my ear before replying. “I never really thought
about it before, but I guess it is. I’m a guy, when I shop for clothes I don’t
stop to think about what looks good. I just pick up the first thing I see. I
guess what I always see first is black.”
“Hmm...I think I like you in black.” I try and stifle a yawn, but it
manages to escape.
I feel Jaxon place a soft lingering kiss on the back of my neck and it
causes shivers to go throughout my body.
“Sleep, Angel,” Jaxon says.
“Okay, Jaxon.” I respond quietly, already halfway there.
“Sweet dreams, baby.” I hear him say right before I succumb to the
darkness.
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Eleven
A couple days after the phone call finds me standing behind the bar at
Jaxon’s pub watching him at the other end talking with a couple of guys. He
looks so relaxed and at ease. He’s casually leaning both hands on the bar.
Of course, he’s wearing a black shirt again. This one is long sleeves, but he
has them pushed up his forearms, displaying his multitude of tattoos. I
wouldn’t mind being given the opportunity to study them.
The morning after he snuggled with me in bed I woke up refreshed,
peaceful, and in a wonderful mood. It was the best night’s sleep I’ve had in
a very long time. It was because I didn’t dream that night about Steven or
the horrible things he’s done to me. It’s been months since I’ve slept and not
had nightmares. I can only account that to the fact that Jaxon was there to
chase them away. Even before I had my nightmares my dreams were
restless because I didn’t know what the next day would bring with Steven.
After I realized that Jaxon was no longer in bed with me I grabbed the
pillow he used and hugged it to my face and chest, taking in his lingering
scent. I loved falling asleep in his arms.
I watch Jaxon stand up straight from the bar and reach into his back
pocket and pull out his phone. When he glances at it, I see his eyes get a
hard look and there is a visible tick in his jaw. He swipes his finger across
the screen and puts it to his ear. Whoever he is talking to has obviously
made Jaxon lose his lighthearted mood. I can’t hear what he’s saying, but I
can tell that whatever it is it’s said in heated words.
After standing there talking on the phone for a couple of minutes, he
lifts the bar partition and lets it slam back down. He then stalks towards the
hallway.
I wonder who he is on the phone with. Whoever it is I already don’t
like. Jaxon is one of the sweetest men that I’ve met, but I also know he has
an intense, angry streak to him as well. I hate to see that side of him. Not
because I’m afraid of it but because someone as kind as Jaxon should never
be pushed to that level.
“Hey, sugar, you mind getting us a couple of beers, whatever’s on tap?”
I’m brought from my thoughts of Jaxon and turn to see a couple of regulars
standing at the bar. Their names are Ethan and Jesse. They’ve been in here
before and have shown me nothing but respect. I give them a smile and tell
them that I’ll have them ready in just a moment.
After I set their drinks down in front of them Ethan leans his elbows on
the bar and asks, “So, Bailey, what’s your deal? You seein’ anybody?”
I’m taken aback by his question, not expecting it. I’ve never been the
type of girl that garnered a lot of male attention. I know that I’m passably
attractive. Before Steven, I was hit on occasionally but not very often. After
I left Steven I figured my scar would scare off any unwanted attention from
guys. So far it has worked until I came to Jaded Hollow. It’s like the people
here don’t see my scar, even when I pulled my hair back. I’ve been hit on
and flirted with more since I came here than I have in my entire life. I don’t
know what to do with it. It’s flattering but even more so it’s unnerving.
Looking into Ethan’s eyes, I see honest curiosity. No malicious intent or
leering eyes. There’s appreciation there, but nothing that makes me too
uncomfortable.
“No, I’m not seeing anyone,” I tell Ethan and watch as interest enters
his eyes.
“Would you like to get a drink or have dinner sometime?” He asks in a
hopeful voice.
Ethan is a very good looking guy. He has dark blonde hair that he keeps
cut close to his head. His eyes, which are a rich chocolate color, are kind.
He’s tall and carries himself with confidence, but not in a cocky way. He
dresses well in a pair of black slacks and a dark gray button up dress shirt
with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. It looks like he just came from the
office and is here to relax a bit. Even through all this I can’t see myself
going out with him. First, the thought of going out on date with a guy gives
me the hives. Second, it would be pointless because I’ll eventually be
leaving. And third, he doesn’t make my heartbeat quicken and my breath
shallow, not like someone else I know.
“Thank you, Ethan, that’s very sweet of you, but I’m not looking to date
right now.” I smile at him to try to soften my rejection.
He takes it in stride and smiles back at me before replying, “Okay, that’s
cool. If you change your mind you let me know.” He and his friend pick up
their drinks and walk away.
Phew! That wasn’t so bad.
Just then, Andrew walks up to me and places his arm around my
shoulders. “Hey, there sexy mama. How’re you doin tonight? Gotten into
Jaxon’s pants yet?”
I choke out a laugh at his question. Andrew definitely doesn’t mince
words. He gets straight to it. He always says what’s on his mind. Sometimes
it’s hilarious what comes out of his mouth and sometimes I wonder how he
doesn’t have a perpetual black eye. He’s such a joker at times it is difficult
to tell whether he’s serious or not.
I look at him now and the first thing I notice is his shirt. It’s white and
in big bold purple letters it says ‘Idropthesoap@hotmale.com’. I let out a
laugh and shake my head. Every day he wears another ridiculous shirt that’s
bound to make me laugh.
When I look up into his face, I see a twinkle in his eye, but I also see
open curiosity. He wants to know but is still giving me the opportunity to
take it as a joke in case it embarrasses me or I don’t want to answer. I can’t
really fault him his curiosity. He knows that Jaxon and I have been
spending time together lately.
I jab him in the ribs and joke back with him. “Now Andrew, you know a
lady never tells her secrets, but if you must know I have no plans of ‘getting
into Jaxon’s pants.”
He pats the top of my head like a child. “Oh pretty girl, you don’t need
any plans to get in his pants. He has enough plans for the both of you for
you to get there. And when you two do get down and dirty I want all the
raunchy details!”
“Andrew! Seriously? You have no shame at all! I absolutely will not
share any details with you! Besides, you’re wrong about Jaxon. He’s just a
sweet and noble man being nice to someone that he feels deserves it.”
He bends at his waist and bursts out laughing. I personally don’t see
what’s so funny.
“You really are diluting yourself, Bailey. That man has the hots for you.
Like really has the hots for you. And noble? I would have never used the
words ‘noble’ and ‘Jaxon’ in the same sentence, but with you, I think you
may be right. Jaxon’s had a lot of women in his bed and he’s never had to
work for it. If he did, he would just skip them. There’s only ever been one
woman that he had a long-term relationship with, everyone else was a fly
by the minute woman. With you though, I see a difference in him. He
doesn’t mind the work. He knows in the end it will be worth it.”
His words make me pause. The more I know about Jaxon, the more
curious I get. I wonder who the woman is that Andrew mentioned and what
happened between them. I also wonder if she is the cause of Jaxon not
wanting anything long term.
As far as Jaxon being willing to work to get what he wants from me,
which from Andrew’s standpoint is in my bed, I’m not exactly sure how I
feel about that. It’s flattering to think Jaxon feels I may be worth it and it
sends a thrill through me. It’s also ludicrous because I’m not worth it. I’m
used goods with a magnitude of problems. No way could Jaxon think I
would be worth that much trouble. What makes me so special for him to
break his habit of sleeping his way through women? He may feel protective
of me because he suspects something terrible happened, but for him to give
up his playboy ways for a girl like me? Not possible. He may have told me
the other day that he wants to take me to bed but that doesn’t mean he wants
to keep me there. What’s to say I wouldn’t be like all the rest of his girls?
Even if the thought of willingly having sex didn’t terrify me, I know that I
would never be the type to have a fling.
I need time to think so I tell Andrew that I’m going to take my break in
the kitchen with Hoots while there is a lull in the crowd.
He bends slightly and kisses my cheek. He whispers in my ear, “It’s
okay to feel, pretty girl. Jaxon would never hurt you. Of that, I am certain.
You know how I feel about him. Jaxon looks at you the same way I look at
him. Only with you, there’s a possibility of something truly special coming
out of it. I get that you’ve been hurt in the past, but don’t let it ruin your
future. Whatever the bastard did to you is not worth it.”
I pull my head back and stare into Andrew’s eyes. Andrew may be a
joker but when it comes down to it, he can throw in some heavy stuff as
well. I ache for him because we both know his ‘one’ is someone that will
never return his feelings. The thing about Andrew is, he is completely
unselfish. If he can’t have Jaxon for himself, he would still want to see him
happy with someone else. He really is something special and I hope that he
finds someone that can make him happy and feel special.
I leave Andrew behind the bar with a peck on the cheek and a heartfelt
‘thank you’ and make my way to the kitchen. Once I reach the hallway I see
that Jaxon’s door is closed. I wonder again who is on the phone and if he’s
okay.
When I walk into the kitchen, I greet Hoot and grab a bottle of water out
of the industrial size fridge. Hoot is a big burly man in his sixties with a
head and face full of gray hair. He may look intimidating because of his size
but he’s really just a teddy bear in disguise.
“Hey, there Bailey. How’s your night?” He asks while I pull up a stool
to the island that’s in the middle of the kitchen.
“I’m doing well. How has your night been so far?”
“Not bad, not bad. Been working on a new appetizer. I’m thinking
chicken balls wrapped in jalapeño cheese fried in a special batch of flour
I’m creating.”
“Mmm...that sounds wonderful!” And it does. At the mention of food
I’m reminded that I haven’t eaten since this morning. My stomach is empty,
but I don’t want to eat yet. I’ve got my leftover lasagna that I’m looking
forward to warming up when I get off work.
Jaxon walks into the kitchen a few minutes later and looks around until
his eyes land on me. I immediately know something is wrong. I can see it in
his eyes. They look devastated and haunted.
He walks to me and grabs my hand, pulling me to my feet. “Take a ride
with me.” His voice is raw and filled with emotion.
There is no way I can say no to him. Not when he’s in this state. I know
he needs me right now. He has done so much for me and been there when I
needed him from almost day one. I not only want to be here for him right
now but I need to be.
I wave and say goodbye to Hoot before Jaxon drags me out the door.
We walk back to the front just long enough for Jaxon to yell at Andrew and
Mia, “Bailey’s done. I’ll be back later.” We make a pit stop in his office to
grab a helmet.
Back in the kitchen when he asked me to take a ride with him my only
concern was taking care of Jaxon. Now, though, as we make our way to his
bike I feel a hint of trepidation enter me. I’ve never been on a bike before
and the thought of getting on one now frightens me. I pull myself together
and force my feet forward. Of course, the forcing my feet forward part is
unnecessary because Jaxon is still pulling me along.
We reach his bike and Jaxon turns to me and places the helmet on my
head. He must sense my nervousness because in his deep voice he asks me,
“Ever been on a bike before?”
“No.”
“Nothing to worry about, Angel. I would never let anything happen to
you.” He finishes snapping the strap underneath my chin.
I know he wouldn’t. It’s the crazies that are going to be around us that
worries me. I don’t tell him that though. I merely nod my head.
After he gets on his bike Jaxon turns his head and tells me to get on.
“What about your helmet?” I ask him.
“Don’t need one.”
“Umm...and what if we get into a wreck? Your head will be splattered
all over the road.”
His lips twitch at my dramatics. I don’t find it funny. I shoot daggers at
him from my eyes and cross my arms over my chest.
“What part of your brains becoming part of the cement do you find
funny?”
His gaze softens and they lose the glint of humor. “Nothin, Angel. I
never wear a helmet while riding. I’m careful. Now, grab my shoulders and
hop on.”
Instead of arguing with him, which is something I want to do because
regardless of how careful he is accidents still happen, I do as he says and
grab his shoulder and swing on behind him.
“Make sure you keep your feet on the pegs at all times. And lean with
me, not against me. Got it?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, wrap your arms tight around me and hang on.”
Again, I do as he says and wrap my arms around his middle and latch
onto his shirt. He grabs the outside of my thighs and pulls me forward so I
am flush against his back. The sensations I get between my legs and my
chest are intense. Jaxon is warm and hard and feels so nice. My face flames
with the knowledge that I’m enjoying this.
Jaxon starts the bike and off we go on my very first bike ride. It’s
exhilarating and terrifying all at once and I love every minute of it. Anyone
could see this by the huge grin on my face.
OceanofPDF.com
I am utterly transfixed from the vibration running through my body, wind in
my hair, and the warmth of Jaxon pressed to my front. I don’t realize we’ve
reached our destination until he pulls to a stop. Having laid my head in the
middle of his back, I reluctantly lift it and look around.
We are completely surrounded by blackness, except for the moon
shining on what looks like a body of water. I can see the moon sway gently
from the motion of the water. There are no other lights and from what I can
gather from the shine of the moon there are no buildings or cars. I do notice
the shadows of trees though.
Jaxon taps my hand and I know he wants me to release my grip. I do so
and climb off the bike. Jaxon gets off as well and reaches to take my helmet
off.
“Where are we?” I ask him, turning this way and that way trying to get
a better view of my surroundings.
“The back side of my property. I come out here sometimes when I need
a moment alone.” After placing the helmet on the seat, he grabs a blanket
out of the saddle bags, takes my hand, and starts walking.
We stop at a grassy spot close the edge of the water and Jaxon lays the
blanket out on the ground. Once done, he sits down and pulls me with him.
We both lie back, hand in hand, and stare up at the sky. It’s a clear night so
millions of stars are out shining. It’s beautiful, quiet, and peaceful. We lay
there in silence for a few minutes just listening to the lapping of the water,
the crickets singing, and each other breathing.
“I heard from my dad tonight. He called me.” Jaxon says quietly. He
starts slowly drawing patterns on my palm.
I don’t say anything, knowing that he needs to tell me in his own time.
After a couple of minutes, he continues.
“He and Cara are having a baby. She’s four months pregnant.” I can tell
by the way he spat Cara’s name that she’s not one of his favorite people. I
can also tell that the idea of his dad and Cara having a baby upsets him.
“I take it you don’t like this Cara person,” I ask timidly. I want to
understand why this person upsets him so much.
“No, seeing as how she used to be my fiancée.” He answers with a hard
edge to his voice.
I suck in a breath and jerk my head in his direction. He doesn’t stop
playing with my hand.
“Yeah, my fiancée dumped me for my dad and they took off together,
got married, and are going to have a baby.”
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper to him. I stop his hand play by grabbing his
and giving it a squeeze. He squeezes mine in return. I can’t imagine what
he’s feeling right now. I wish I could help him in some way, help him
through the pain, but all I’m able to do is lay there and listen to him. Be the
ear that he needs to release some of the pressure of betrayal.
“Don’t feel sorry for me, Bailey. I’m over it, have been for a long time.
They can go jump off a cliff for all I care. What gets me is them having a
baby.” He lifts our hands and places them on his chest, right over his heart.
“That’s understandable. I’m sure you pictured yourself having a baby
with her. I know it’ll be hard for you to think about your dad with a woman
your age, a woman that you loved, having a baby.”
My heart aches for him. Not only because his dad took away his dream
of becoming a father, but also because the woman that he was supposed to
trust explicitly betrayed him, with his dad. He lost two people that he loved
in one go.
He gives a harsh laugh. “Oh, I pictured it alright. As a matter of fact, I
still have the picture.”
What? He’s confusing me. I don’t understand what he’s saying. I know
that he had to of mentally pictured himself having a child with Cara, but
what he is saying sounded like....
Oh my God! No!
Jaxon reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his wallet. He opens it
and brings out a small, shiny, crinkled piece of paper. I know what’s on the
paper as I’ve seen my fair share of them.
He holds it at an angle so we can see it from the light of the moon. On it
is a black background and a bunch a white squiggly masses. Right in the
middle is a white blob in the shape of a peanut.
The hand that Jaxon isn’t holding flies to my mouth and tears form in
my eyes and start sliding down the sides of my face.
“She was eight weeks along when this was taken. At ten weeks, she
walked into a clinic and came back out no longer pregnant. She went into
that fucking clinic and killed my baby. One week after that she was gone,
and so was my dad. I didn’t find out until later that they had been seeing
each other for six months. I wondered for a while if the baby was even
mine, but found out soon after that it was. Cara and my dad always used
protection. One of the two times that we didn’t was when she fell
pregnant.”
A strangled sob escapes my throat and I start crying hysterically. I sit up
abruptly and bury my head in my hands. I know it was selfish of me to lose
it like this. Jaxon was the one that was in pain and needed comforting. I
can’t help it though. The thought of willingly killing a child is too much for
me.
Jaxon sits up beside me and tries reaching for my arms to bring them
down. I knock his hand away.
“No! No!” I screech. “How could that bitch do that? How could she kill
an innocent child like that? Doesn’t she understand that babies are precious
and should be protected at all costs? How can anyone do that? Why would
anyone do that? Why?”
Again, Jaxon reaches for me and I try pushing him away. He won’t
allow it though. His thighs go to either side of mine and he pulls me back
against his front, rocking me and rubbing my back. Selfish or not, I clutch
onto Jaxon and sob into his shirt.
“Shhh, Angel, shhh. I don’t know why some people do what they do.
Some are just too self-centered to think about what their actions do to
others. Yes, it still hurts to think about the child I almost had, but I’ve come
to terms with it.”
“I’m s-so s-sorry Jax. I-I’m sorry for the baby you lost. I’m s-sorry for
what that bitch did to you. And I’m sorry for f-falling apart on you again.
I’m the one that should be consoling you right now, not the other way
around.” I’m still crying, but I squeeze my eyes shut trying to control my
emotions.
“Hey.” He says and tips my head back with his finger. I look up into his
eyes and see such deep sadness that I almost lose it again. “It’s okay. I’m
just sorry that I upset you so much. You deal with so much already; I don’t
want to add more.”
The pads of his fingers start wiping the tears that have soaked my face. I
will never, in my entire life, understand why someone would leave a man
like Jaxon. He has such a big heart.
“Come on. Lie back with me.”
I take in a shaky breath and lay back down. Instead of lying on his back
again, Jaxon leans up on his elbow and hovers over me. He gently brushes
the hair from my face and continues to wipe the wet away. He then guides a
finger down the bridge of my nose. Next, he moves on to my mouth,
tenderly running the pad across my lips.
The look in his eyes while he watches intently at the movements of his
hand makes me quiver. There’s so much heat in his gaze. It makes me
nervous, but not in a frightening way. No, it’s the good kind of nervous. The
nervous you get when you know something good is going to happen.
Jaxon slowly moves his finger from my lips and starts trailing it down
my neck. When he reaches the base he stops his downward motion and goes
across my collarbone. At this point, I let out a low moan at the tingles he’s
causing to rush through me. I’m surprised at how my body is reacting to his
touch.
Jaxon lifts his eyes to mine at my sharp inhalation. He keeps them there
as he moves his finger to the top edge of my bright yellow low-cut shirt and
runs them along the top of my breast, watching and waiting to see my
reaction.
One day, while out with Anna on one of her shopping exertions she
talked me into to buying the low cut shirt. Normally I wouldn’t be caught
dead in one, preferring regular t-shirts that rest at the base of my neck. Now
though, even though it is almost past the point of my comfort zone, I’m
glad I bought it.
Jaxon’s eyes start to flare and change to the beautiful color of steel blue.
His breathing has become uneven and I can tell that he is just as affected as
I am. He can see that I am enjoying his exploration and he really likes that I
like it.
“You’re so beautiful, Angel.” He whispers to me. The sincerity in his
eyes makes me want to believe his words. Butterflies start to flutter in my
stomach.
Jaxon slowly lowers his head and runs his nose across mine before
settling his lips on my own. The kiss is soft and sweet, with him playfully
nipping and then licking at my lips. When I moan into his mouth, it spurs
Jaxon on and the tempo of the kiss picks up. He thrusts his tongue in my
mouth and tangles it with my own.
I place my hands on his shoulders and move them toward his neck.
Once there, I thread my fingers through his thick hair. I love the feeling of
his soft, but coarse hair running through my fingers. I slightly grip it and
tug gently.
Jaxon has moved his hand from the tops of my breasts. He guides it
down my arm and rests it on my waist. After a minute, it continues its track
down my body and crosses over my hip. It doesn’t stop until he reaches the
back side of my knee.
I feel Jaxon tugging on my leg to lift it at the same time he slides one of
his in between mine. He pulls my leg up so it rests on his hip.
When I feel him run his hand up the back of my leg and settle on my
butt and lightly give pressure so I feel his erection, an unsettling feeling
starts to creep in. I do my best to ignore it. This feels incredibly good and I
don’t want to ruin it. I almost feel normal.
Jaxon releases my lips and kisses the corner of my mouth, my nose, my
eyes, my chin, and finally makes his way down my neck. I turn my head to
the side to give him easier access. Once he reaches my collarbone he nips at
it with his teeth and then soothes it with his tongue.
One set of fingers that was running through his hair moves down and
dips underneath his t-shirt and encounters the smooth, warm skin of his
upper back. Jaxon groans into my neck and tightens his hold that he has on
my butt, causing him to grind harder into me.
The uneasiness that I feel gets stronger, but again, I try to push it back. I
want this so badly. I may not be able to go all the way, but I want what
Jaxon is doing to me. No man has ever made me feel this good and I have a
suspicion that no man besides Jaxon ever will.
Jaxon’s hand moves from its place on my butt to my waist. Just the tip
of his fingers slip under my shirt and graze the skin there. Just this little bit
of skin on skin contact causes my blood to run cold. I stiffen slightly but
Jaxon doesn’t seem to notice, so intent in his ministrations to my body.
One of my fears of ever being intimate with a man is exposing my body.
I’m riddled with scars that anyone would find repulsive.
I squeeze my eyes shut to try and block out the images of Steven doing
horrible things to my body, but they slip through. Steven with the crop.
Steven with a small knife. Steven with his cigar. The pictures slip in and
hold me captive.
My breathing has become ragged and I start to tremble. Tears slip from
my eyes as each torturous imagine filters past. The hand that is still in
Jaxon’s hair unconscientiously tightens alerting him that I am no longer in
the passion filled moment. He jerks his head up from my neck and I feel his
eyes boring into me, even though mine are still tightly shut.
“Fuck! Fuck! Shit! I’m so sorry, Angel.” I flinch at the vehemence in
his voice.
“Open your eyes, Bailey. Open your eyes and look at me.” His tone has
lightened slightly, but fear has replaced the harshness.
I shake my head at his demand, not wanting to face the disappointment
that I know I will see in his eyes. I should have known that it wouldn’t
work. Steven has ruined me completely. I’ll never be able to be normal and
have any type of physical relationship with a man.
Jaxon rests his forehead against mine. “I’m sorry. I’m so damn sorry. I
should’ve known you weren’t ready. Please, just look at me so I’ll know
you’re okay.”
The pain that I hear in his voice causes me to open my eyes. The
torment I see in his eyes causes my heart to stutter. No disappointment to be
found, instead all I can see is shame and misery. As I look deep into his
eyes I realize that Jaxon would rather cut off his own hands than hurt me.
As screwed up as it sounds the realization comforts me. I’ve felt for a while
now that Jaxon would never purposely hurt me, but the look in his eyes
solidifies that feeling.
“I’m okay now. Sorry for freaking out again. You must think I’m pretty
pathetic huh?” I say the last as I glance down at my hands, which have
moved from his hair and back and are now resting on his biceps.
“No, Angel, never that. This is my fault. I pushed you too hard and I
should have known better. I may not know what has you so frightened and
skittish, but I do know whatever it is, it’s big. I shouldn’t have lost control.”
I reach up and run my hand over his scruffy cheek. The hair there isn’t
long, only a couple day’s worth of growth. I find that it looks incredibly
good on him.
“Thank you, Jaxon, for understanding. Just please know that I may
never be ready for something like that.”
Jaxon lifts his head and his brows dip down into a frown. “I don’t
believe that. The pain of what you went through is still too fresh. I believe
that once you fully trust me and know that deep down into the heart of you I
would never hurt you, you’ll be ready. You’re a strong person, Bailey, you
just have to realize that.”
His words lighten my heart, although I don’t entirely believe them. I’m
not strong. If I was, I would have gotten away from Steven sooner. I would
have found the strength and courage to say no to him when he first turned
on me. It’s really sweet of Jaxon to think of me as strong, but I know it’s not
true. I don’t tell him this.
“Let’s get you back home,” Jaxon says before giving me a short and
sweet kiss.
After pulling back and standing up, he holds out his hand for me to
grab. He tugs me up beside him and grabs the blanket to refold it. We
silently make our way back to his motorcycle. Both of us unsure of what to
say. After a few minutes, Jaxon surprises me with what he says next.
“My mom wants to meet you. She asked me to bring you over to her
house for our family dinner next Wednesday. Will you come?”
I’m so taken aback by the request that I stumble over a twig. Jaxon
immediately grabs my arms to steady me. After I catch my balance Jaxon
slips his hand in mine and we continue walking.
I’m not exactly sure how I feel about meeting his mom. On the one
hand, I would love to know more about Jaxon and his family. On the other
hand, it’ll make it harder to leave. I’ve already grown to care about Jaxon
and his two sisters; I don’t need another Walker family member to care
about.
I can’t find it in myself to be rude and tell him no. “Umm...yeah sure,
I’d love to come to dinner at your mom’s place.”
I bite nervously at my lip. I wonder what she’ll think of me. Will she be
able to look at me and tell that there is something off about me? God, I
really hope this is not a mistake!
“Hey, it’s going to be okay. She’s going to love you. You actually
remind me of her a little. She didn’t have a very good life with my dad.
Cara wasn’t the only woman my dad cheated on my mom with. She has
such a soft heart but is a force to be reckoned with when as well. She never
let it show that she was heartbroken by the betrayal, but we all knew. She
was always our rock and was there every time we needed her.”
I smile at the description he gave about his mother, wishing my own
mother could be half as incredible. “She sounds like a pretty special
woman.”
“She is. And so are you. So much more special than you realize. I know
that she’ll see in you what I see in you.”
“Thank you, Jaxon. I can’t wait to meet her.”
Once we reach the motorcycle Jaxon releases my hand and straps the
helmet back on my head. After I am firmly plastered to his back once again,
he brings his bike to life and we start our trek back to town.
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Twelve
“I want you to go to him and pull out his cock and suck it,” Steven whispers
in my ear from behind me while I’m tossing a salad together to go with our
dinner.
I give a violent jerk at his words and whip my head around to look at
him, expecting to see laughter in his eyes as he makes the joke. What I see
when I do face him is not laughter but hard determination. There’s also
darkness in his eyes that I’ve never seen before, and that’s what makes me
realize he is completely serious.
“What? No! Have you lost your mind? I can’t do that!” I respond in a
shouted whisper to his ludicrous request.
Steven stalks towards me and the look he’s giving me sends chills down
my body. Once he reaches me he grips my hair and pulls my head back with
a jerk.
“You’ll do what I say and you’ll do it now.” He growls in my face.
At first I am completely stunned at the anger I see in his eyes. I start to
struggle against him, but he’s too strong for me. I don’t know what’s gotten
into him but he can’t be serious.
“Steven, please, you’re hurting me. Why are you acting like this?” I
start pleading with him. Tears are appearing in my eyes, from both the pain
of him pulling my hair and the way he’s acting.
A creepy smile slides across his lips and my fear spikes. Steven reaches
out his other hand and smacks me across the face. The force of the slap
causes me to stumble back and I hit my hip on the corner of the counter. The
relief of him no longer pulling my hair is short lived because the pain in my
hip is brutal.
I feel warm liquid seeping out the corner of my mouth and I know the
slap has busted my lip. I glance over to where Steven’s friend is seated on
our couch, expecting him to come to my rescue. What I see causes my
stomach to turn. He’s just sitting there watching the scene unfold while he
slowly strokes himself through his pants. The sight disgusts me and I pull
my eyes away to look up at Steven.
When he’s standing over me he reaches down and grabs another
handful of hair to pull me up to him.
“It doesn’t matter why I’m acting this way. What matters now is things
are going to change around here. I’m tired of waiting for you to come to
heel. I’m tired of trying to gently coax you to the way I like things. No more
waiting. No more coaxing. Now get the fuck over there and suck his cock, or
I’ll make you do it!”
I try again to make him see reason.
“Please, Steven. Don’t make me do this.” It falls on deaf ears.
Another nasty grin stretches across his face. “I was hoping you wouldn’t
go willingly.”
Steven starts dragging me into the living room towards his friend.
Again, I am struggling against him, and again, his strength is no match for
mine. Once we’re standing in front of him, he forces me to my knees by my
shoulders. The man already has his dick out, stroking it, and it’s fully hard.
“Bite his dick and I’ll slit your throat, Bailey.” He warns and then
forces my head toward it.
I clamp my mouth shut and turn my head away. Tears are dripping from
my eyes and landing on the guy’s thighs.
“Open your Goddamn mouth, bitch!” Steven says right before he
punches me in the stomach.
The punch forces me to open my mouth to suck in air and Steven takes
advantage by angling my head so my mouth engulfs his friend’s dick. The
feeling of having this man in my mouth makes me want to vomit.
Steven still has his hand in my hair and he’s forcing more of the man in
my mouth. I feel it reach the back of my throat and I immediately start to
gag. Steven doesn’t let up though. He grounds my nose into the guy’s pubic
hair and my chin is resting against his balls.
Just before I pass out from the lack of oxygen Steven pulls my head back
just long enough for me to pull in a little breath.
I make the mistake of relaxing my mouth just a little and my teeth scrape
across the man. The man grabs another chunk of my hair and pulls my head
back off of him.
“Teeth, bitch!” He says and lands a punch to my jaw. I haven’t even
fully recovered from the hit before my mouth is forced back on his dick. The
pain in my jaw and being forced to keep my mouth open is almost too much
to bear.
I am outright sobbing now. I have huge fat tears rolling down my cheeks
and my face is covered in spit from gagging so much and blood from my
split lip.
Steven is no longer beside me. He has moved behind me. I feel him
lifting the skirt I am wearing and ripping my panties off. After fiddling
around, I feel Steven start to enter my backside. Because he didn’t use any
lubrication I’m dry, so it’s extremely painful. He must have become
impatient because all of a sudden he rams himself inside me. I try to cry out
but am unable to because of what’s in my mouth.
Watching Steven rape me from behind must spur the other man on
because he grabs two hands full of hair and starts to violently thrust into
my mouth, going all the way back to my throat.
The man holds my head all the way down on him and after a few second
I hear him moan, right before I feel warmth enter the back of my throat.
A couple seconds later Steven finds his own release and lets out a groan
as well.
The man on the couch jerks my head off his softening cock and pushes
me to the side, causing me to fall over and dislodging Steven from my body.
I land on my hands and immediately start to vomit. I also have slobber and
blood dripping onto the floor.
I hear Steven in my ear telling me, “Good girl, My Pet.”
Steven and his friend get up, straighten their clothes, and walk out the
door, leaving me hunched over and crying into my own vomit.
I wake up and barely make it to the bathroom before I start throwing up.
Once my stomach is empty I flush the toilet, reach up and grab a washcloth
off the shelf, wet it, and wipe down my face and mouth. After, I lean back
against the toilet and bury my hands in my hair.
God, I hate the dreams. Normally when I wake from them it takes me a
minute to realize that it is a dream and I am not currently in the moment.
This one was of the very first times Steven forced me to be his
plaything for him and his friend. It was pretty tame compared to most of the
other times, especially when he took me to his club. More often than not I
came really close to ending things for myself. There were several scenarios
I had planned in my head; slitting my wrists, hanging myself, there was
even one time that I was driving over a tall bridge with nothing but rocks
down below and thought about driving straight off it. I went so far as
swerving towards the railing but then chickened out and turned the wheel at
the last moment. I just couldn’t bring myself to end my own life, even
though I knew deep down that Steven would eventually end it for me.
Feeling disgusted I decide to take a scalding hot shower to try and scrub
away the feeling. Instead of my normal breakfast with Jaxon this morning
Anna talked him into letting her take his place. He was reluctant to give up
his time but after I reminded him that I would see him tonight at work, he
finally gave in. I thought it was sweet he didn’t want to miss our daily
breakfast date.
Her plans are breakfast first, mani’s and pedi’s next, and then shopping
for a couple outfits for herself. I don’t really want to spend any of the
money I have saved so far, but it’s been years since I’ve had my nails done
so I figure it was about damn time.
Besides, I know Nick is leaving again in a week and Anna is already
missing him. She needs a little pick-me-up.
When I walk into the diner an hour later, I spot Anna sitting at the
counter talking to Nitra, who is behind the counter pouring coffee. I glance
to my left as I make my way over to her and spot both Jaxon and Nick
sitting at a booth shoveling food into their mouth. Jaxon notices me and his
lips quirk up a bit before he gives me a wink.
When I make it to the counter, I take a seat beside Anna and point over
my shoulder with my thumb, “What’s up with that?”
“Nick’s pouting because I’m going shopping with you and not spending
the day with him. I explained to him that I needed a girl’s day so he decided
to come anyway to the diner for breakfast. He forced an all-too-willing
Jaxon to come along with him.”
I glance over my shoulder towards the guys. I almost let out a laugh at
the sad puppy dog look on Nick’s rugged and handsome face.
“That boy has it bad,” Nitra says unnecessarily. Anyone that sees the
two together knows that they both have it bad. I’ve never met a couple more
into each other.
“Maybe I’ll buy a cute little nightie today to make up for my ‘neglect’.”
She air quotes the word ‘neglect’.
Nitra and I both laugh at that.
Her voice is low when she speaks again. “I’ve been talking to Gram
about her hiring a part-time person so I can go on some of his business
trips. I don’t know how much more I can take of him being gone so much. I
know that sounds ridiculous and couples do it all the time but it literally
hurts my heart to have to say goodbye to him all the time. He doesn’t know
yet.”
I reach over and squeeze her hand. “Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry.”
“I can only imagine how hard it must be for you. You two have such a
rare and special kind of love. If I’m ever lucky enough to find that I’m
chaining the guy to my bed if he even thinks about leaving.” Nitra tells her.
I let out a laugh because I can totally see Nitra doing just that. I don’t
know her as well as Anna, but she has a strong personality that screams no
bullshit. If she wants something, she goes after it.
I smell his refreshing scent behind me before I actually feel Jaxon walk
up. He wraps his arms around my middle from behind and he has his face in
my hair. I hear him take in the scent of my hair. The last couple of days I’ve
taken to wearing it up. Other than a few curious glances at my scar no one
has outright asked me about it. It’s a huge relief. I have a lot of hair and it’s
nice to be able to pull it back when I want to.
“What are you doing here?” I ask in a breathless voice. Having him
surround me like he is leaves me with little oxygen. The man is dangerous
for my health. Luckily it’s a good kind of dangerous.
“Nick asked me to tag along with him. Said Anna wants a girl’s day but
he wanted to see her before you both left. Even if he didn’t have breakfast
with her at least he would be able to see her. Sounds pathetic but I have to
admit I jumped at the opportunity to see you too. I hate giving up my
morning ritual with you.”
“I think she might have something planned to make it up to him.” With
a twinkle in my eye I turn my head to talk to him so she won’t hear.
Jaxon groans in my ear. “Stop. I don’t need that shit in my head. It’s
already bad enough thinking about my little sister in any type of
relationship. I don’t need a visual as well.”
I giggle a little and glance over at Anna. She’s turned her stool to face
Nick and they are talking quietly. Nick dips his head and gives Anna a soft
kiss. I turn my head back towards Jaxon.
“She’s a grown woman, Jaxon. And she seems like she’s in good
hands.” I remind him quietly.
“I know, but she’ll always be my little kid sister. And I’ll always want
to protect her.” He mutters back.
I smile at him. He’s such a good guy. He’s tough when he needs to be,
but he’s highly protective of the ones he cares about. Why can’t all men be
like that?
“Hey Jax, you ready to go?” Nick asks Jaxon.
“Yeah, give me a sec,” Jaxon tells him and then steps around the side of
me. He tangles his fingers in my hair and to bring my head back. His lips
land softly on mine and he gives me a lingering kiss. After several seconds,
he pulls back.
“Have fun today, Angel. Let me know when you get back.”
“Okay,” I whisper.
He gives me one more peck on the lips before he and Nick stroll out of
the diner.
Just as soon as the men leave another set of men approach us. Jack and
Jake. This should be interesting. Of course, the very first thing Jack zones
in on is my hair.
“Ah ha! I see you finally worked up the courage to show off that
beautiful face of yours, girl.” The grizzly old man says.
“Ole Lordy,” Jake says and rolls his eyes to the ceiling. “Don’t start that
mess again, Jack.”
“You shut your trap, Jake. I’m talking to the lady, not you.” Turning to
me he says, “Now, where were we? Oh, that’s right. I was about to ask you
how you got that scar there on your face?”
I choke on my coffee and spew some across the counter at his question.
“Jack!” Anna and Nitra yell at the same time.
Picking up a napkin, I start cleaning my mess. Out the corner of my eye,
I see Jake take Jack by his upper arm and drag him across the diner. Turning
his head back to me as he walks he says, “Jack apologizes, Bailey. Y’all
enjoy your breakfast.” With his head facing forward again, I hear him say,
“My God, Jack. You really don’t have a filter, do you? You can’t blurt
something like that out you dummy.”
Barely audible but I still hear Jack respond, “What did I say?”
Anna, Nitra, and I look at each other and burst out laughing. Those two
old men really are nut jobs. After Anna and I order our breakfast and Nitra
sticks around for a few more minutes to chat before she goes and serves
other people. After we’re done we pay our bill, gather our purses, and head
out.
“So, how are things between you and Jaxon?” Anna asks me while
browsing the bra and panties section in the cute little lingerie shop we’re in.
“Things are good.” I pick up a black body suit that reveals way more
than it shows. The sides are virtually nonexistent. The only thing
connecting the top and the bottom is a scrap of silk material that runs from
the bust down to the thong. The scrap of material gets a little bigger the
closer it gets to the bottom. I turn the body suit around and there’s nothing
there except the thong and a string that wraps around your neck.
I shake my head because there’s no way I would be caught dead in
something like that. I don’t see how anyone could wear something so
uncomfortable looking.
“What about this one?” Anna holds up a black lace nightie that has tiny
Rhine Stones all over it. On the bust between the cups is a pink bow. The
panties that are attached to it also has Rhine Stones. It’s actually really cute.
Not something that I would be brave enough to wear but, then again, I
wouldn’t wear anything revealing.
“I really like that one. You should get it. Nick will definitely thank you
for it.”
She eyes the slip of material for another minute and then settles it over
her arm. “Hmm...maybe.”
“Do you know how long Nick is supposed to be gone this time?” I pick
up another number and immediately put it back down, blushing as I do so.
“A week, maybe two.” I see a frown line appear on her brow. It must be
terrible to watch the one you love leave time after time. I’ll have to make
sure she has plenty to do while he’s gone. Anything to distract her.
“So, I noticed that you and my brother are spending more and more
time together. Y’all seem to be getting close.” I know that she’s trying to
change the subject. I let it go because I don’t want to dampen our outing
with sad thoughts.
“We are actually, but I don’t know if I can let him get too close. I’ve got
too much baggage and I don’t want to drag him down.” Even though it’s
getting easier to talk about things I still never reveal too much.
She looks at me with sympathy in her eyes. “It’s okay to let him in,
Bailey. I may not know the details, but I know you’ve had a rough life. Let
him, and us, try and help you. Believe it or not Jaxon’s life hasn’t been a
walk in the park either.”
I frown. It’s getting harder and harder to resist telling Jaxon about my
problems, to let him help me. Right as I decide to tell him I remind myself
that there’s nothing he can do and all that’ll happen is him getting hurt.
“You don’t understand, Anna. There’s nothing that he can do. There’s
nothing that anyone can do. He’ll only end up getting hurt.”
“Has Jaxon told you about Kaylee yet?” She asks me.
I’ve learned a lot about Jaxon over the last several weeks, but I don’t
ever remember him mentioning a person named Kaylee.
“No.”
“I won’t tell you about her. It’s not my place. He’ll tell you about her
when he’s ready. But know this, Jaxon has a lot of pull in this town. You
don’t give him the credit he deserves.”
I look at her and see sorrow in her eyes. Now, I’m curious as to what the
story is behind this Kaylee person.
“He told me about your dad. I’m really sorry.” I tell her softly.
The sorrow that I saw a minute ago is quickly replaced by anger. The
transformation is stunning. I swear I won’t be surprised if I see snakes
popping out all over her head. Obviously, and with good reason, the subject
of her dad is very touchy and still enrages her.
“That son of a bitch can burn in the deepest bowels of hell for all I care.
And he can take that skank with him. Yes, it hurt Mia and I but it almost
destroyed Jaxon what those two did. It changed him, made him jaded. Since
that bitch did what she did he never stayed with any one woman more than
a week or two. Until you. You bring out the protective, caring, and
vulnerable side in him. He cares for you deeply, Bailey. Please don’t hurt
him.” By the time she ends her rant the heat has left her eyes. Now, all I see
is earnestness, like she begging me. She has no idea that I would give
almost anything to not hurt Jaxon.
Not knowing what to say I just nod my head.
Anna watches me like she’s trying to gauge my reaction to her request. I
hold her stare and after another minute she must like what she sees because
she gives me a megawatt smile.
“Alrighty, enough with the heavy. I’ve decided that this is the outfit that
I’m going to wear to rock Nick’s world.” She holds up the black nightie
with the Rhine Stones.
“He won’t know what hit him.” I smile back at her.
“I’m going to go pay and then we’ll stop and get some ice cream before
we head back! Are you sure you don’t want to get anything in here?”
I mentally shudder at the thought of wearing any of these outfits. “No,
I’m good. You go pay.”
She turns around and bounces off the only way Anna can bounce. I
chuckle at her excitement to get back to Nick and ‘rock his world’.
My laugh soon dies when I think about what Anna has told me today.
As much as I don’t want to hurt Jaxon I know that eventually I will. I don’t
know how deep his feelings for me run but for some reason both Anna and
Andrew think that his feelings are pretty strong. If what they say is true
when I leave, it’s bound to hurt him. I may not be aborting his baby, I
swallow at the thought, or leaving with another man, much less his father,
but I know that it’ll hurt regardless.
Of course, it’s going to almost kill me to leave him. I don’t know if what
I’m feeling for him is love or not, my experience in that department is
seriously lacking, but I do know that what I’m feeling is so much more than
I’ve ever felt before. Even the thought of leaving sends a sharp pain in the
area where my heart is.
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Thirteen
I am a total wreck. Today is the day that I meet Jaxon’s mom. From what I
gathered I know that Anna, Nick, and Mia will be there. His gram couldn’t
make it because she’s needed at the diner. He said that his aunt, uncle, and
cousins might be stopping by as well. I don’t know if it’s normal for his
aunt, uncle, and cousins to attend the family dinners every week or if it’s
because Jaxon has never brought any girls there before, except Cara of
course. Either way just knowing that I’m going to meet his mom is making
me jittery.
What does someone wear to things like this? Steven’s parents were both
dead when we met and he had no other family. This is new for territory to
me. Of course, my clothing selection is very limited and what I do have is
nothing to write home about. My wardrobe consists of mostly jeans and tshirts. Not very impressive. Ugh! I knew I should have bought something at
the mall the other day!
Here’s another problem. How do I wear my hair? Should I leave it down
to try and hide my scar? Or do I pull it back like I want to and not hide who
I am? I don’t see Jaxon letting me get away with keeping it down. For some
reason, he likes it when I pull it back, which I find slightly weird because
my scar is hideous. I decide to pull it back. No sense in pretending to be
someone I’m not.
With that decision made I walk to my closet and riffle through my
clothes. Jeans, jeans, and more jeans. Just before I start pulling my hair out
at my lack of finding something appropriate I hear a knock on my door.
After checking the peephole, I pull it open to see a smiling Anna on the
other side. In her hands, she has two small duffle bags.
I frown at her and ask, “Are you moving in?”
She gives off a laugh and walks pass me straight to my room. By the
time I walk in she’s set the two bags down and has already opened them,
pulling out several pieces of clothing.
“Nope, I’ve come to save the day. I know you don’t have anything
besides jeans and t-shirts. I also know you would be freaking out right
about now because all you have is jeans and t-shirts. I know you’re nervous
about meeting our mom and will want to try and impress her, which is
totally unnecessary. But hey, we’re girls and it’s in our nature. Sooo...I’ve
come bearing gifts! My clothes. Now, all we have to do is choose what you
want to wear.”
By the time she gets done with her little speech she has all the clothes
strewn across my bed. There’re bright colored dresses and skirts, blouses,
and slacks in one bag. In the other are several pairs of shoes. Luckily, we
both wear the same size shoes and are close in height and weight.
I’ve never had a girlfriend that I can share clothes with. Well, I had
Chris but she’s a little taller and slimmer than me so we weren’t really able
to wear each other’s clothes.
This is strange but nice.
I quickly grab Anna and give her a hug. “Thank you,” I say into her hair
before pulling away. “I know it’s ridiculous but I really want your mom to
like me. I’ve never had dinner with a guy’s family before. I’m so screwed
up and I don’t want to give her anymore reason not to like me.”
She looks at me tenderly and rubs my back. “My mom is going to love
you, Bailey. You’re crazy to think she won’t. There’s so much more to you
than all the bad that’s happened.”
Her words touch something deep inside me. How did I get so lucky to
stumble across this town and meet these amazing people? The longer I stay,
the harder it’s going to get when I have to leave. Can I take a chance and
stay? Can I stay even if Steven finds me? Can I be strong enough and fight
against him? I know that it will be worth the risk of him finding me. The
only thing holding me back is the possibility of Jaxon or anyone else getting
hurt.
Anna interrupts my thoughts when she claps loudly and says, “Okay,
let’s get started!”
OceanofPDF.com
In the end, we decide on an ankle length flowing violet skirt and a lime
green off the shoulder blouse, with a white tank underneath. My shoes are
an off-white pair of ballet shoes. I was worried that I would be too bright
and colorful, but Anna insisted that it was perfect.
As I stand in front of the mirror, I have to admit she was right. I’m
enthralled at how pretty I look. I compromised with myself on my hair. I
left it down but pulled both sides back with clips.
I decide to put in a quick call to Chris before Jaxon is due to be here.
We don’t talk long, just update each other on what’s happened since the last
time we talked. I tell her about my impending visit to meet Jaxon’s mom.
Of course, I don’t tell her it’s because Jaxon wants me too meet her, instead
I say it was Anna’s idea. I still haven’t told her much about Jaxon and the
guilt weighs on me. I hate keeping secrets from her.
A few minutes after I hang up with Chris, Jaxon knocks on my door and
I grab my purse. He’s picking me up and we’re both heading to his mom’s
house.
When I open the door, I’m struck dumb again by how good he looks.
Tonight he’s wearing a pair of low slung hip hugging jeans, sans holes this
time, and a dark green button up shirt. The sleeves are rolled up, revealing
his colorful arms. His jet black hair is once again a sexy mess. He truly is a
sight to behold.
We both stand there quietly in the entryway taking each other in. Jaxon
is the first to break the silence. He takes a step through the door and grabs
my hand, bringing the palm of it to his lips for a kiss.
“You look absolutely beautiful, Angel.” He says softly while gazing into
my eyes.
I smile at him and respond with, “You look quite handsome yourself,
Jaxon.”
He gently tugs me to him and wraps his arms around me. When he leans
his head down for a kiss, I reach up on tippy toes to meet him halfway. The
second his lips and tongue touch mine I feel the flutters in my stomach and
the thought of meeting his mom drift away. This man does that to me. He
makes me feel relaxed and okay with the world.
I drop my purse and throw my arms around his neck to pull him closer
to me. One of his hands travels down my back to rest right above my butt
while the other goes into my hair and grips it lightly.
After several more minutes of our greeting, we slowly pull apart. Jaxon
rests his forehead against mine.
“We gotta go. Mama is waiting for us. She’s anxious to me you.”
At the reminder, the butterflies make their way back into my stomach.
Jaxon must notice because he cups my face and sweeps his thumb across
my cheek.
“Hey, it’ll be okay, I promise.”
I take a deep breath and nod. Jaxon reaches down to grab my purse and
hands it back to me. After grabbing my hand and taking my keys from me
we walk out the door and he locks it.
Instead of the motorcycle that I expected to see we walk up to a big
black truck. He opens the door and helps me climb inside. I secure my
seatbelt while he walks around and gets in.
The drive to his mom’s house takes about ten minutes. I have to say that
ten minutes is not long enough for me to get control of the nerves racking
my body.
The house that we pull up to is not what I expected. Many of the houses
that are in the area are big two story houses. The one we pull up to isn’t
exactly small, but then again, it is compared to what I’ve seen so far.
It’s a light blue, almost white, with a front porch that runs the length of
the front and one side. There’s a nice little porch swing at one end that also
has two rocking chairs with a small table between them. It’s all very homey.
When Jaxon leads me up the stairs, the front door opens and a small
petite woman steps outside. Her hair consists mostly of gray but I can tell it
used to be a sandy blonde color. It’s swept up off her face in a messy bun in
the back. I immediately know this is Jaxon’s mom. Not because they look
alike but because she has the exact same eyes as Jaxon. Eyes that are
watching me with open curiosity and adoration.
Jaxon lets go of my hand and envelopes her in a hug. She smacks her
lips against his cheek and the sound brings a smile to my lips.
After they release each other Jaxon steps to the side and gestures for me
to step forward. As soon as I do I’m wrapped in a warm embrace that
smells like cinnamon cookies. I’m stunned at first but then wrap my arms
around Jaxon’s mom and soak in the warmth and sweet smell. Then I feel
soft lips on my cheek, right over my scar, and hear a loud smack.
I can’t help but release a little giggle at the smack.
We step apart from each other and with a smile Jaxon puts his arm
around my waist.
“Bailey, I’d like you to meet my mom, Lillian. Mama, this is Bailey.”
“It’s nice to meet you, ma’am.” I greet her.
“Oh no, sugar, you call me Lilly or Mama. And I am so very excited to
finally meet you.” She grabs my hand and pulls me away from Jaxon and
leads me inside. “If I know my Jaxon then I would say he’s very hungry.
That boy nearly ate me out of house and home when he was little. Dinner is
almost ready.”
I hear a chuckle behind me and that says Jaxon is right behind us. I’m
so overwhelmed and surprised by Lilly’s immediately acceptance of me that
I willingly let her pull me along until we reach the kitchen.
The kitchen is just like I would have imagined a kitchen to look like if I
had a normal happy family. It’s big. There’s a wooden table that seats six
people. Next to it is a smaller table that looks to be for kids. All the
appliances are stainless steel. Above the sink is a big planter window that
holds a few small plants. Through the window, I can see a couple small
children playing on a swing set.
Standing in front of the island is Anna smashing something in a bowl
and Mia tossing a salad.
“Hey, Anna and Mia.” I greet them.
Anna drops whatever she is smashing and runs over to give me a hug. “I
told you everything will be okay.” She whispers in my ear before stepping
away again.
Mia looks over at me and quirks up her lips. “Hey, Bailey.”
I turn my head around and see Jaxon leaning against the doorway
watching me. The expression on his face is content, like he enjoys seeing
me in his mom’s kitchen.
I look to Lilly, who is grabbing a pitcher of tea out of the fridge. “Is
there anything I can do?”
“Actually, if you wouldn’t mind you can set the table for me please.”
She points to a stack of dishes sitting off to the side. I grab them and start
laying them out on the table. There are three plastic plates and spoons for
the kids and I set them down on the smaller table.
Just when I get done the back door bangs open and I hear little feet
running.
“Stop right there Sarah, Michael, and Maddie. You know better. Shoes
off,” comes a feminine voice from behind me.
When I turn around, I see a woman that looks to be in her mid to late
30’s approaching the three little kids that are slowly making their way back
to the door. After she’s done helping the children with their shoes she stands
up and graces me with a friendly smile.
“Hey, Bailey right?” She walks to me and holds out her hand.
I take her hand in mine and smile in kind. “Yes, that’s me.”
“I’m Patricia, but everyone calls me Tricia. I’m Lilly’s way little sister.”
I look from Lilly to Tricia and would have never guessed they were
sisters. Yes, they look alike but you can plainly see the age gap between
them.
Lilly and Tricia both start laughing. “Our parents went through a crisis
phase and decided to have another child in their 40’s. Tricia was the
results.” Lilly pipes in.
“Anyway,” Tricia starts speaking again, “These little rascals are mine
and Hunter’s. Hey, rug rats, get over here and meet Bailey.”
Three sets of eyes regard me wearily. I squat down to their level so as
not to intimidate them. The first little girl, which looks to be about three
points to my scar and asks, “My name is Maddie. Wah happen to your
fwace? You got a boobie.”
I hear several chuckles and I sputter out a laugh at her butchered version
of ‘booboo’. “I had an accident and hit my head.”
She lifts her hand lightly and runs her finger along the puckered skin.
“Did someone kiss it bedder?”
Tears spring to my eyes at her innocent little question.
“Kiss, kiss.” I know immediately that she wants to kiss my ‘boobie’. I
bend down and she plants a small kiss right on my scar. When she pulls
back, she has a huge grin on her face and says, “bedder!” before running
out of the room.
It takes everything in me not to start crying. Never have I had anyone
want to kiss my boo-boo’s better. That little girl just stole my heart in 5
seconds flat. I quickly glance around the room and see all eyes are on me.
The little boy steps up next and whips out his hand. “Hi, I’m Michael
and I’m five.”
I take hold of his hand gently and shake it. “Hi Michael, my name is
Bailey. It’s very nice to meet you.”
“Do you like my uncle Jax?” His question takes me off guard and I look
up to Jaxon. He has a small smile playing on his lips.
I look back down to Michael and answer his question. “Yes, Michael I
do like your uncle Jax. Is that okay?”
“Yeah, I guess so. Are you going to marry him and make babies? Cause
I need someone else to play with. I’m tired of playing with my two sisters.”
He says with a pout.
It feels like a sucker punch to my stomach. That’s two things I could
never have with Jaxon; marriage and babies.
I’m saved from answering Michael’s question because Tricia walks up
to him and says, “Okay, that’s enough questions mister. Let Sarah meet
Bailey now.”
Not fully recovered from the heartbreaking reality of things, a cute little
girl looking to be about the same age as Michael walks up to me. I know
that they must be twins.
“You must be Sarah. I’m Bailey.” She just nods her head, not saying
anything. She’s still eyeing me with trepidation.
We both stare at each other for several seconds before her eyes start to
water. I’m completely shocked at what I see. What did I do? Why does it
look like she’s going to cry?
“Y-you won’t take J-Jaxon away will you?” She asks while her bottom
lip starts quivering.
I glance back up to Jaxon again and see a frown appear on his face. He
walks over and hunkers down next to me in front of Sarah.
“Sarah Jane, look at me.” He tells her. When she pulls her watery gaze
from me and looks at him, he continues. “No one could ever take me away
from you, okay. You’re my Jelly Bean.”
She looks back at me for confirmation and I cup my hand over her tiny
cheek. “I promise that I would never take Jaxon away from you.”
After another few seconds, she simply nods and launches herself at
Jaxon, who immediately wraps his arms around her. With her still in his
arms we both stand up.
When Jaxon walks away to the table to sit with Sarah in his lap Tricia
walks up to me. “For some reason she’s attached herself to Jaxon. It’s
always been that way.”
We both stand and watch the two of them talking quietly. A couple
minutes later Jaxon says something to Sarah that makes her laugh. It sounds
so sweet and carefree. Nothing like the insecure little girl of a few minutes
ago.
The back door opens and closes again and we both turn towards it.
“And there’s my Hunter. Come meet Bailey, Hunny.” She gestures to
me with her hand.
He’s tall but not quite as tall as Jaxon. He has light brown hair cut close
to his head and kind hazel eyes.
“It’s good to meet you, Bailey. Jaxon’s talked about you a lot. It’s nice
to finally put a face with the name.” My eyes dart over to Jaxon again, who
still has Sarah in his lap. I wonder what he’s said about me.
“It’s great to meet you, too. You have a beautiful family.”
He drapes his arm around Tricia and gives her a squeeze. “Thank you. I
think they’re pretty beautiful myself.” He says while gazing down at his
wife.
“Alright, who’s ready to eat?” Lilly says loudly.
We all gather around and take our places at the table. While I was busy
meeting the kids Lilly and Anna had quietly set all the food on the table.
We’re having country fried steak, mashed potatoes, corn, sweet peas,
homemade biscuits, and salad. It all looks delicious.
I’ve never had family dinners where everyone sits down at the table to
eat. Steven and I would eat at the table, but it was always a quiet affair. This
gathering is anything but quiet. It’s like they all separate into little groups
and talk amongst themselves. Everyone has something to say. Even the little
ones are talking to each other while they eat. This is what a true family is
like. It’s a little daunting to watch, but I love it just the same.
Jaxon was right. I had nothing to worry about. For some reason, these
people have taken me in and accepted me. I have no idea why, but it
shouldn’t surprise me. Jaxon and Anna both have been nothing but kind to
me. Mia has been nice as well, even if a little quiet and distant. I should
have known that the rest of his family would be the same. After all, it was
their mother that helped raise them into the people they currently are.
After dinner, the women take care of cleaning the kitchen while the men
take the children outside to play. Lilly and I are at the sink, I’m washing
while she dries and puts the dishes away.
“Jaxon’s told me a little about you but hasn’t gone into detail. Where are
you from?”
Feeling a little uncomfortable with the direction she may take with this
conversation I say nervously, “I grew up in a small town in south Georgia.”
“Do you still have family there?”
“I actually don’t know. I haven’t spoken with my family in years. I
don’t even know if they’re still alive.” That’s the truth. The last time I saw
my parents they were drunk, high, and in their bed with a couple other
people. Of course, I don’t tell Jaxon’s mother this.
“Oh sugar, I’m so sorry. That must be awful for you.”
I shrug my shoulders. “Not really. I was happy to get away from them.
Let’s just say they weren’t the nicest of people.”
She turns toward me with understanding in her eyes. “It still must be
hard for you. My parents were wonderful people, but I still understand the
pain of loving someone that treats you bad. Jaxon, Mia, and Anna’s dad had
a cruel streak that was a mile wide at times. He was the kindest person
when I first met him but it went bad somewhere along the way. Even
though it hurt when he left I couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit of relief as
well.”
I look down at the plate I’ve been scrubbing for the past couple minutes.
“I’m really sorry what happened. Jaxon told me a little bit about it.”
“It’s okay sugar. I’ve been over it for a long time now. Actually, and
don’t tell Jaxon because he would have a fit, but I’ve been seeing someone
in town. We’re getting pretty serious. I think I love him.” She excitedly
whispers the last to me.
She smiles at me and I smile right back. I reach over with one arm and
give her a squeeze. “I’m so happy for you. And I won’t tell Jaxon. I’ll let
you give him the good news.”
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to tell him. Ever since his father left
he’s been extremely protective of the girls in the family. I know I’m his
mother and am able to do whatever I want, but I just can’t begrudge him
that protective instinct. It’s something that he needs to do, especially after
what happened with Kaylee.”
That’s the second time the name Kaylee has been brought up. My
curiosity is becoming stronger. I want to know more about this Kaylee
person but feel I don’t have the right to ask about her. If I can’t tell Jaxon
about my past, I have no right asking about his.
“You know, his protective instinct extends to you as well. Jaxon’s told
me that something bad has happened to you in the past, but you don’t feel
comfortable yet talking to him about it.”
I hand over the pot I had just washed to her before replying, “It’s not
that I don’t feel comfortable telling him about my past. It’s just that there’s
nothing he can do to help me. I’m so scared that if he knows he’ll end up
getting hurt. I know he feels protective of me and once he finds out he’ll
feel like he has to do something. There’s nothing he can do. There’s no
sense burdening him with my problems.”
Lilly reaches over and grabs my hand that is still in the dish water. I
glance up at her. “I understand your reasoning Bailey but you have to look
at it from Jaxon’s point of view. He knows something is tormenting you and
he feels helpless because you won’t let him in. Feeling helpless is one of the
worst feelings a person can have.”
As I look into one of the two set of the most unique eyes I have ever
seen I can’t help but wish that my mom was like Lilly. What would it have
been like to have a mom like her? Jaxon’s very lucky to have her.
“Anyway, if you ever need to talk, about anything, I’m here for you,
okay?” I nod and look away before she can see the teary emotion in my
eyes at her kind words.
Once the dishes are done we all step out back and watch the kids play.
Another twenty minutes slides by when Jaxon walks up to me and asks if
I’m ready to go. I tell him yes and we make our goodbyes to everyone
before getting back into his truck.
Back at my apartment I ask Jaxon if he wants to come in for coffee.
Coffees in hand we head over to the couch to watch some television. One of
my favorite shows is on, The Walking Dead.
On either end of the couch is a recliner. Jaxon sits on one end and pulls
the lever to release the foot portion. Then he pushes on the back of the
couch so it reclines back. He pats the cushion beside him, “Come lay with
me, Angel.”
I take a seat beside him and he places his arm around me, pulling me
closer to him. I lay my head on his chest and put my hand on his flat
stomach.
We lay just like that for several minutes before my eyes start to drift
closed. The emotional roller coaster of today has finally caught up with me
and before I know it, I’m oblivious to the world.
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Fourteen
I’m standing behind the bar enjoying the peace and quiet before the evening
crowd starts showing up. There are a few lingering around, but it’ll be
another hour before it really picks up. As I stand there, I think about the
task I set for myself.
Earlier today when I was eating my lunch at Maggie’s Diner I spoke
with Maggie about adding my lasagna to her menu. She was reluctant at
first because lasagna isn’t something you would normally see on a diner
menu. However, when she saw my excitement and heard my explanation on
the deliciousness of it she agreed to at least try it. Before work tomorrow I
plan on making a batch and bringing it over to the diner. I’m more than
willing to make several batches several times a week if she’s willing to try
it out on her customers. If I leave, which that decision is still up in the air, I
can give her my recipe if the customers like it.
Pulling myself from my thoughts I look over and see Mia and Mac once
again bickering. Those two and their relationship is one of the most
frustrating things to try and figure out. When they’re put together, it seems
like all they to do is pick on each other. Separate them far enough to where
they can’t talk to each other and you can plainly see the longing glances
they give to the other when one isn’t looking. They’ve obviously meant
something to each other in the past. It’s even more apparent that something
bad happened that broke that bond.
Further down I see Andrew flirting unashamedly with a male customer.
He has on another ridiculous shirt. This one says ‘I think my friend is gay.
Every time he looks at me my dick gets hard.’ Shaking my head I continue
to watch him. He’s leaning across the bar toying with the guy’s fingers. It’s
quite clear by the look on the guy’s face that he’s not opposed to Andrew’s
attention. All of a sudden Andrew reaches across the bar, grabs a hold of the
front of the guy’s shirt and practically drags him over the counter. Once
there, Andrew slams his lips over the guys.
It’s a sight to behold watching two guys kiss, something I’ve never seen
before. My face flushes and I know I should look away, but I can’t. It’s not
something that I thought would interest me, but interest me it did. Not in the
sense that I would like to see more of it or to see how it progresses. Just
something that’s different and slightly arousing.
After a couple of minutes of tongue war, the two break apart. The guy
looks like he is in a kiss induced stupor. Andrew licks his lip and I see him
briefly glance over the guy’s shoulder. I follow is line of site and see Jaxon
and Nick playing pool. Poor guy has it bad. Even though it may not be with
the man he wants it looks like Andrew may get lucky tonight.
My gaze continues to linger on Jaxon. He’s bent over the table to line up
his shot. I may not be ready yet to have sex with him, but I can still
appreciate the view. The man definitely has a nice backside, which is
encased in a pair of faded ripped jeans again.
Anna is working at the diner tonight. That’s why Nick is here and not
with her. He leaves again in a few days so I know he would rather be with
her.
One thing I’ve noticed over the last few weeks is that Jaxon really
enjoys playing pool. He doesn’t get a chance to play as often as he likes
because of running the bar so when it’s slow he takes advantage. I’ve
played with him several times. He had to teach me as I had never played
before. It was really nice having Jaxon’s arms wrapped around me from
behind and his firm chest pressed against my back as he showed me how to
line up my shot and shoot.
It’s getting harder and harder to resist Jaxon. Some parts of me want to
fling caution to the wind and ask him to make love to me. Even so, other
parts are still scared of how I’ll react. Will I see Steven or one of his friends
above me instead of Jaxon? When it comes to the final step of Jaxon
entering me will I feel the pain that I’ve only ever felt when it comes to
sex? Will Jaxon look at me with disgust when he sees the battlefield of
scars all over my body?
I don’t know how much longer I can hold off. Jaxon’s been incredibly
patient with me. Sometimes we’ll just kiss and snuggle into each other. But
there are other times that Jaxon will gently explore my body. I haven’t
allowed him to touch me underneath my clothing because I worry he’ll feel
the puckered scars.
I’ve also explored his body as well. I now know that his entire back and
chest is covered in beautiful tattoos, along with full sleeves. I also know
that both of his nipples are pierced. I actually had the pleasure of touching
them, which he seems to like a lot.
He never pushes me too far. As a matter of fact, he usually stops well
before I start to feel uncomfortable. It’s frustrating at times because I want
him to go farther, but I don’t know how to tell him. Other than the actual
sex act itself and being leery of him seeing or feeling my body I don’t know
what my limits are. He always stops before he gets to them. I do know that I
want to see and touch more of his body.
Even though he doesn’t push me I can tell that it’s taking a toll on him.
If I get frustrated, I can only imagine the way Jaxon feels. He’s someone
that’s used to the release sex gives him. When he’s with me, he’s not getting
that release. I see the desire and heat in his eyes every time he pulls away. I
want to give that to him but once again I don’t know how to tell him.
While I’m still ogling Jaxon he looks up and catches me. He gives me a
smile and a wink with his eye that holds the piercing. All the metal and ink
that his body sports should intimidate and scare me. It does just the
opposite. It’s different than what I’m used to and I think that’s what appeals
the most. Steven is a straight laced lawyer and always wore the best of
clothes and had every hair in place. He wanted the public to view him as
perfect, while behind closed doors he was anything but. Jaxon doesn’t seem
to care what others think of him and it shows with all the body art. I love
and admire that about him.
More people have started to appear and I know that it’s about to get
busy. I walk over to the dishwasher and start unloading the glasses that are
inside. Once that’s finished I walk over to the mini fridges and open it to
take stock of what more we’ll need for the night. After making a list, I tell
Mia that I’m going to the basement to grab more inventory.
It’s dark and drafty down in the basement. It gives me the creeps. I don’t
enjoy going down there so I try to work fast. I make my way over to the
stacks of boxes that hold bottles of beer and start loading up crates to bring
back up with me.
About halfway through my list my back pocket begins to sing and
vibrate. In my haste to be done with the eerie basement I hit the talk button
without looking at the screen. I hold it between my shoulder and ear so I
can still grab bottles while I talk.
“Hello?”
All I hear in return is a scratchy noise. Thinking that the reception is bad
because I’m underground I repeat myself.
“Hello?”
Still nothing but the scratchy noise. Just before I hang up the annoying
scratchy sound turns into barely audible murmurs. It sounds like the person
is far away from the phone and I can’t understand what they are saying.
I make my way closer to the stairs hoping that the signal will get better.
The closer I get, the louder the murmuring gets until I freeze solid in my
tracks.
I know exactly what I’m listening to now. I’d know the voice from
anywhere. It was a voice that used to make me happy when I heard it. And
the words that the voice is saying are words that were said on a day that was
supposed to be one of the happiest of my life. Now the voice and words
scare the daylights out of me.
I stand there frozen in place, unable to move, and listen while Steven
and I take our vows.
“This ring is a token of my love. I marry you with this ring, with all that
I have and all that I am.”
The line goes quiet except for a rustling sound and I know that Steven is
now placing the ring on my finger. After a few seconds, my voice comes
through my phone.
“I give you this ring as a visible and constant symbol of my promise to
be with you as long as I live.”
The voices stop and all I hear is silence. I’m still standing in place, but
my knees are starting to shake. My palms are beginning to sweat and my
breathing has become shallow.
I hear more rustling over the phone before the real live voice of my
husband rings in my ear.
Quietly he says, “Do you remember that day, my pet? Do you remember
what you said? You said you were mine until the day you die. He can’t have
you. You’re mine and I’m ready to take back what’s mine.” And with that
the line goes dead.
I’m shaking so hard that my phone slips from my hand and drops to the
floor. My knees buckle and I sink to the bottom step. Out of all the beatings
and sexual abuse that came from my childhood and later as an adult, none
of that compares to that one day. The one day that was supposed to be my
happiest is now the absolute worse of my life. It was the day that I allowed
Steven to take total control of my life.
Looking back, I would have to say that our wedding night was the just
the beginning of the change in him. The first time we had sex on our
wedding night Steven put his hand around my throat and applied light
pressure. It wasn’t enough to cut off my oxygen, but I did think it was
strange because he had never done that before. I just figured he got caught
up in the moment.
Since that night, he did it more and more often. It was the little things
that should have clued me in to the darker side of Steven. He would pull my
hair a little harder than usual. He would whisper in my ear and ask if I
thought a particular man was good looking. There were several times when
he would try to have anal sex and would get frustrated when I told him no.
I know that Steven wouldn’t give me up without a fight, but I figured I
had more time. I’m not ready to leave yet. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready
to leave.
Once I’ve forced my breathing to calm a little, I contemplate how much
longer I have before Steven makes his move. He’s calculating and I know
he won’t show up guns blazing. He’ll have a plan in place and that takes
time. I figure I have a few days before he shows his face. That leaves me
with enough time to either tell Jaxon what’s going on and hope he can help
me some way or pack my things and hit the road again.
I have no idea why I’m not freaking out more than I am. Maybe it’s
because I’m tired of living in fear. It could be because I’ve seen the softer
and nicer side of humanity. It might even be because the reality of Steven
being here truly hasn’t hit me yet. Either way, I get up on shaky legs and
grab the crate half full of bottles and slowly make my way back up the
stairs.
I don’t want anyone to know something is wrong so I try to act normal.
The place has more people than before my trip to the basement. Almost all
the tables are occupied. I look at the pool tables and find a group of guys
hanging around them, but Jaxon and Nick are nowhere to be found. Mia and
Andrew are busy serving customers from behind the bar.
I walk over and lift the partition and bring the crate over to the mini
fridges. After setting the crate down I stand back up. Something close to the
door catches my eye.
There, casually leaning against the wall is the one person that has
almost shattered me beyond recognition: Steven.
My eyes lock onto his while he quietly watches me and smokes his
nasty smelling cigar.
My heart pounds heavily against my chest. I’m not breathing because
I’m too scared to move. My ears start to buzz and a white film appears in
my peripheral vision. Sweat starts to bead on my forehead and the beating
of my heart can be felt pounding inside my head.
Here is the freak out that I was lacking earlier. The rational part of my
brain tells me.
Oh my God! He’s here! He’s here and now he’s going to kill me!
Because my body has no choice, and I’m on the verge of passing out
from the lack of oxygen, I take in a deep breath. Steven notices my reaction
to his presence and it satisfies him. I see him smirk at me while taking a
drag of his cigar.
At the expression on his face and what it means for me my vision goes
even blurrier, the buzzing in my ears gets louder, and my heart rate kicks up
even more.
I feel someone at my side saying my name, but I can’t look away from
Steven. His gaze holds me captive and I’m powerless to look away. I feel
the muscles in my legs starting to give way and I know that I’m on the cusp
of blacking out.
Right before my body gives into the demand of too much fear and angst
and I hit the floor I hear two things.
First, is me uttering the word, “Steven.”
The second is someone screaming, “Jaxon.”
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Fifteen
You know how people say that when they come to from blacking out they
are disoriented and don’t know what happened before they went down?
Yeah, well, not so much for me. I know exactly what happened and what
caused me to pass out. My vial piece of crap husband showed his face to
me.
I lay there, on what I assume is a couch, listening to the voices around
me before I actually open my eyes. I’m not ready to face reality yet.
“What the hell happened?” I hear Jaxon growl off to my left. I can tell
by his voice that he’s extremely pissed.
“I don’t know. One minute she was standing there looking across the
room with a strange look on her face and the next minute she just dropped.”
This is from Mia. There’s worry in her voice, something that I’ve never
heard from her before.
“Well, she didn’t just pass out for the fun of it. Something happened and
I want to know what the fuck it was!” Jaxon again.
“Jax, man, calm down.” Nick.
I feel a presence get close to me and I immediately know it’s Jaxon. He
reaches down and grabs my hand. “Angel, can you hear me?”
I decide it’s time to face what is set before me. I flutter my eyes open
and take in Jaxon’s worried face right in front of me.
“Hey, baby,” He says softly to me.
“Hey,” I say back to him while I try to get up.
He gently pushes me back down. “Just stay there for a few minutes.”
“I can’t. I have to leave. I can’t stay here any longer.” I tell him.
The hand that is still wrapped in mine jerks and I look into his eyes
again. “What? Why? What happened out there?”
I know that I can’t hold off any longer. I know that I have to tell him the
truth or most of it at least. There’re still parts that I’ll probably never be
able to tell him, or anyone. It’s too painful to even think about.
I take a deep breath and look around me. Mia and Nick are off to the
side watching me with concerned faces. Belatedly, I realize that I’m in
Jaxon’s office laying on his small brown leather couch. I can still hear the
music from the bar, but it’s muted because the door is closed.
Taking in another much needed deep breath, I bring my eyes back to
Jaxon. The hurt I see in his beautiful eyes almost brings tears to my eyes. I
lower my gaze to my hands that are resting in my lap. I can’t look at him
when I tell him what I’m about to.
“H-he found me.”
“Who found you, Bailey?” Jaxon puts a hand underneath my chin and
lifts my head. I squeeze my eyes closed once my head is raised. “Look at
me, please, and explain.”
I open my eyes and look straight into his and unleash the holy hell that
is my life.
“My husband, Steven. He found me.” I hear a growl forming in the back
of Jaxon’s throat but before he can say anything I continue. “We met while I
was in my last year of college. I was working in a restaurant to pay my way
through school when he and his colleagues came in for lunch one day. He
was so charming and kind and paid me all the attention that I never received
as a child.
“After that one day he kept coming back, most of the time by himself,
and just sat there and watched me. Sometimes I would sit with him during
my lunch breaks and we would talk. I was so desperate to be accepted and
loved that it didn’t take long for him to talk his way into my bed. Up until
that point I had never been with anyone, wanting to focus on my studies.
We dated for about six months before he asked me to marry him. He made
me feel like I was the most precious thing in the world to him and I thought
I was so in love with him that I immediately accepted. It didn’t occur to me
at the time, but it was our wedding night when things started to change.”
I watch as Jaxon’s eyes get harder the longer I talk like he knows what’s
coming. He may have some clue, but there’s no way he can know how bad
it was for me. The hand that he’s still clutching is getting tighter. I squeeze
his in return and he loosens his grip. I continue my story.
“It was just little things at first. I just thought it was because of the
stress at work. He was a big named attorney and I know that the stress of
the job can be overwhelming at times. He started being rougher with me
during sex. Saying nasty things to me. He would shove me a little too hard.
He would always apologize to me afterward and things would go back to
normal for a few days. It never lasted long though and eventually it got
worse.”
I stop for a minute and take the bottle of water that Mia offers me. After
taking a big gulp, I replace the lid and set it on the table beside the couch.
“One night we had a friend over for dinner. I was in the kitchen making
a salad when Steven walked up behind me. He wrapped his arms around me
and I thought he was trying to apologize because he had been intentionally
cruel to me earlier that day. Except, it wasn’t an apology at all. He leaned
down to my ear and told me to go to his friend and take out his cock and
suck it.”
The whole time I talk I keep my eyes on Jaxon. His are getting darker
and darker the more I say. His jaw is clenched tightly shut and his nostrils
are flaring. I can tell it’s taking everything he has to control his emotions. I
don’t want to hurt or anger him, but I need to tell him. I need him to finally
understand why I am the way I am and why I can’t stay here any longer.
His eyes are locked onto mine as well. He pulls in a breath and tells me
to continue. So I do.
“When I refused to do what he told me to he slapped me with such force
that I stumbled and I hit my hip on the edge of the counter. It hurt, but I
didn’t realize until later that it left a huge bruise. He ended up dragging me
over to his friend by my hair and forcing me to my knees. He threatened to
slit my throat if I bit the guy, which I had planned on doing. Of course, I
didn’t do it after the threat. The look in his eyes told me he was serious.
“They both raped me that night. His friend raped my mouth and Steven
raped me anally. Neither was done gently. Immediately afterwards I threw
up on the floor and they left me there, laying in vomit, spit, and blood.”
“That sick fuck!” Explodes from Nick. I look to him and see his hands
are fisted. There’s pure rage in his eyes. Mia isn’t fairing much better.
There’s fire in her eyes but instead of being focused on me they’re locked
onto Jaxon.
When I swing my gaze back to him, I see he’s bent over resting his
elbows on his knees and his head is bowed.
As I’m not nowhere near finished with my story I continue my tale, still
watching Jaxon.
“After that night things change dramatically. There were no more kind
words or loving gestures from Steven, except while we were in public. It
was like a light switched in him. He started taking me to a club. The nights
that he brought me there were some of the worst. He would have the
members tie me up and do all sorts of awful things to my body. Things that
no person should have to endure. Things that change people forever.
Sometimes he would threaten me and make me do things to them as well.
“Many of the times he wouldn’t join in. He would sit off to the side and
watch me with hate filled eyes, like it was my fault I was there. Each time
he would tell me it was my fault but would never tell me what I did. I tried
so very hard to be good, but I was never good enough. It didn’t happen very
often but sometimes he would drug me. I longed for the times that he did
because it felt like I was outside my body. I always felt it in the mornings
though.
“It was when the others were done with me and gone that Steven would
punish me. He had these toys that he used. The worst was the flogger. It
wasn’t the usual flogger that you see in on the internet or in sex stores.
Steven modified it to where it had little needles at the end of the tails. He
loved using the flogger all over my body. He would also put out his
expensive cigars out on my body. He would use anything and everything
within his reach, and that would fit, and punish me by shoving it in my
body. He even used a cracked beer bottle one time and it cut me on the
inside.”
The last I whisper because remembering the excruciating pain of it
almost breaks my resolve in finishing my tale. Tears slip silently down my
cheeks.
“Oh my God.” I hear Mia whisper, but I don’t look at her. My eyes are
glued to Jaxon, who is flexing his fists. His body is shaking.
“I tried to leave so many times but it was like he always knew. He
would stop me before I even had a chance to plan an escape and beat me. I
was admitted to the hospital several times, but he was always there so I
couldn’t tell anyone. Of course, they wouldn’t believe me anyway. No one
would believe that the golden boy prosecuting attorney would ever do
anything remotely close to what he puts criminals away for. In public, he
was the perfect loving husband. He always blamed it on me being clumsy.
There was one time he blamed it on a random mugging and another time he
said someone broke into our house. Of course, he trashed the house to make
his story more believable. Of the few times, I was in the hospital there were
dozens of others that I wasn’t. He only took me when he felt it was life
threatening enough.”
I stop talking and take in a deep lung full of air. Jaxon is still bent over. I
can’t see his eyes. I don’t know if I want to. He hasn’t said anything the
entire time I talked. I’m scared to see what his eyes will reveal.
Nick takes a step forward and my eyes fly to him. He looks like he’s on
the verge of killing someone. His eyes are blazing. When he’s standing
directly in front of me, he squats down. “Why, Bailey? Why run now? What
else did he do?”
I advert my eyes away from him. This is the hard part. This is the part
where I need to watch what I say. I’ll give them some, but I can’t reveal
everything. I ball my hands into fist and finish.
“One day a few months ago I was upstairs putting away laundry. Things
had been rather calm the last several months so I was in a false sense of
security. He still did horrible things to me but not near as bad as usual. I
really should have known better. As I was making my way out of our
bedroom, I saw him at the top of the stairs. The look in his eyes terrified
me. I had seen hate before but what I saw was so much more. I knew at that
moment that he meant to kill me. It was written all over his face. I turned to
run, but he was really quick and caught up with me easily. He grabbed the
back of my hair and slung me to the ground. My head hit the railing on the
banister almost knocking me out. By the time my vision cleared he had
dragged me over to the edge of the stairs. I was standing there with tears
pouring out of my eyes begging Steven not to do it. He just snarled into my
face with so much venom and punched me in the face. The force of the
punch, which I knew he meant to do, caused me to fall down the stairs. My
face hit the corner of the table that was at the bottom. That’s how I ended up
with this.” I lift my hand and gently brush my fingers over my scar.
“I had multiple fractures in both arms, cracked ribs, a concussion, and
numerous bruises all over my body. Of course, he told the police he was out
of the house when I must have tripped while carrying a laundry basket full
of clothes.
“On the fourth day in the hospital my friend Chris was able to sneak in
while Steven was away. I never admitted it to her, but she knew for a while
what was going on. She knew that I was too scared to get help and she
couldn’t prove anything, especially against someone with Steven’s
influence. Steven had threatened to harm Chris if I ever told her so I had to
protect her as well.
“Anyway, the day she came to visit she threw a bunch of cash at me and
said I had to leave. She said that if I didn’t then she was going to the police.
I refused at first, but I knew that I had no other choice but to do what she
said. I knew that Steven would eventually kill me if I didn’t leave. I signed
myself out of the hospital a day before I was supposed to. Steven had a
meeting so I knew he wouldn’t be home. Both Chris and I went to our
house and gathered just a few of my things, things that were important to
me. I took not one thing that Steven had bought me. After, she took me to a
car lot and I bought a cheap car. A couple towns over I bought a disposable
cell phone so I could keep in touch with Chris, to let her know where I was
and how I was doing.
“A couple weeks after I left Steven caught up with me. I don’t know
how he found me, but he did. He was so angry. We stayed in a cheap hotel.
That night, after repeatedly hitting me until I passed out, I woke up to him
raping me. Afterwards, he left to go to the store across the street. He must
have thought I was so weak that I couldn’t move. He underestimated my
resolve to get away from him. I snuck out of the bathroom window and
hitched a ride with a trucker that was on his way out of town. Morning time
came and the trucker dropped me off in a little town in West Virginia, where
I bought another cheap car. I haven’t stopped since, except to sleep.”
By this time, Mia is sitting on the opposite side of me from Jaxon. She
takes my hand and gives it a squeeze. Jaxon is still sitting beside me staring
at the floor. Even though it scares me to think what must be going on in his
head, I wish he would look at me. It’s killing me not knowing what he
thinks.
“Where in the fuck were your parents this whole time?” Mia asks me.
I give a harsh laugh and answer her question. “Probably in the same
place I left them when I turned seventeen, sleeping off their drunken high
with multiple partners in bed with them. They weren’t the best of parents by
no means. They liked to throw parties where they and their friends would
get high on whatever drugs they could find. Once the party really got
started their friends would drag me into the mists of it and have fun with
me. My parents would look on and watch with expressionless eyes, or get
off on the abuse that they witnessed.”
“Son of a bitch!” Nick storms and rakes his fingers through his hair.
“You had no one you could go to?”
I shake my head slowly. “No, neither of my parents had siblings and
both sets of parents were already dead.”
I turn to Jaxon and see that he has his head in his hands. They are
clinching his hair so tightly that his knuckles are white. I hesitantly reach
out and place my hand on his back.
“Jaxon,” I whisper.
My touch and whisper must have set him off. He jerks away from me
and flings his body off the couch so fast that I feel the wind from the
movement. I flinch away from the sudden movement, but he doesn’t seem
to notice. He’s in his own world of pain right now.
Jaxon stalks over to his desk and grabs the lamp that’s sitting on top. He
rears back and throws it hard against the wall, completely shattering it. Mia
and I both jump at the loud noise. He then picks up a small wooden chair
and smashes it against the desk. After that, he moves over the wall that he
threw the lamp at and starts throwing punch after punch against it. With
each punch he throws he screams in rage.
I know that the anger he’s feeling isn’t directed towards me, but the fear
I feel is just the same. His hands are bloody from punching the wall and all
I want to do is go and comfort him. I’m terrified to get up though. Terrified
to go to him.
I bring my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them. Big
tear drops drip down my face. I don’t necessarily fear Jaxon, but I’m still in
protective mode in the wake of his temper. I shouldn’t have told him but I
needed him to understand.
I watch as Nick cautiously walks up to Jaxon and places a hand on his
shoulder. “Jax, calm down man.” Jaxon immediately turns around at the
touch and clocks him in the chin. Nick stumbles backward.
“Fuck, Jaxon, I’m not the enemy here! Save it for the bastard who’s
done this to her!”
“Just stay the fuck away from me, Nick! I can’t—Fuck!” Jaxon growls
and turns back to the wall and smashes his fist against it again.
Mia jumps up from beside me with her hands balled into fists. She’s
shaking as well. She screams at Jaxon. “Jaxon Walker, you need to get it
under control! Look!” She says pointing at me. “Look at Bailey! Look how
fucking terrified she is right now! You want that? You want her to be scared
of you as well?”
Her words must have penetrated the uncontrollable rage that is filtering
through him. He bends at the waist and places his hands on his knees.
There’s blood dripping off his torn knuckles. I hear him taking in several
deep breaths. Once his breathing is somewhat under control, he lifts his
head and zeroes his eyes on me. After straightening up, he takes a cautious
step towards me, like he’s scared I may run away.
“Angel...” He says but doesn’t finish when he sees his bloody knuckles.
Reaching over and opening one of his desk drawers he pulls out a rag. After
quickly wiping his hands to clear off most of the blood, he drops it into the
trash can. He doesn’t take his eyes off me the entire time.
All I can focus on is his hands as he makes his way slowly towards me.
I don’t like to see his hands torn and shredded. His hands have been nothing
but kind and gentle with me. Now, they look like they’ve been through the
grinder.
When he gets to me, he drops down to his knees and his chest meets my
drawn up legs. He places his hands on either side of my hips. My eyes are
still following the movements of his hands.
“Bailey, look at me, please.” He says quietly.
I reach over and tenderly pick up one of his hands. My crying has
quieted down but when I bring my eyes to his more tears silently trail down
my face.
“Your hands, Jaxon,” I whisper to him.
“They’re okay. I’m okay. I’m so sorry I scared you. You know I would
never hurt you right?”
I nod my head because I know deep down that Jaxon would never hurt
me. The pain and heartache on his face when he looks at me when he
realized his reaction scared me solidifies my belief. Jaxon is a protector and
even though he didn’t know me at the time he feels like he didn’t protect
me when I needed someone the most.
“I know you would never hurt me. I wasn’t frightened because I thought
you would. I was worried about you. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you before. I
didn’t because there’s nothing you or anyone can do. He has too much
power. He knows people that can hurt other people. I don’t want that for
you. I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to you. A while back when you
called and I was freaked out, he called me that night. And tonight, I got
another phone call. It was a recording of us reciting our vows. He said he
was coming for me. I saw him tonight in the bar as well.” My eyes are
pleading with him to understand.
Jaxon looks to Nick. “Nick...” He starts but doesn’t get a chance to
finish before he’s interrupted.
“On it,” Nick says before disappearing out the door.
“I have to leave, Jaxon.”
“No,” is his demand to my plea. The anger is seeping back into his eyes.
I take his hand that I still have a hold of and place his palm against my
cheek. “Jaxon, you need to understand. Steven’s made many contacts over
the years. Contacts that work outside the law and aren’t afraid to make
people disappear. He always makes sure that it’s never traced back to him.
He’s very careful. Do you have any idea how destroyed I would be if
anything happened to you.” I gesture with my arm to Mia and the door,
meaning anyone here in this town.
“Angel, what do you think it would do to me if anything happened to
you?” He counters.
“Any of us in this town that have met you, Bailey, would be devastated
if anything happened to you. Don’t underestimate us. We may be a small
town but we hold our own and protect what we feel is ours. You’ve been
Jaxon’s since you first asked about that job, and in a sense the whole
towns.”
I look up at Mia and see determination in her eyes. She truly means
what she says. When I bring my eyes back to Jaxon, he’s watching me with
careful eyes.
Can I truly trust that they can help me without getting hurt? It’s a huge
risk, but do I have a choice? If I want to stay here, and I most definitely do,
then I have to chance it and hope that it’s not one of the biggest mistakes
I’ve ever made.
I nudge Jaxon a little with my knees. He leans back so I can drop them.
Once my feet are on the floor, I scoot to the edge of the couch, which brings
my legs to either side of his waist. I place both of my hands on his scruffy
cheeks.
“Okay, Jaxon, I’ll stay,” I tell him and lean in for a brief kiss.
He wraps his arms around me bringing my body flush against his. I may
have instigated the kiss, but it’s Jaxon that controls it. It’s gentle, but I know
Jaxon is holding back for two reasons. One, he doesn’t want to frighten me,
especially in light of what I just told him. And two, because we have an
audience.
Even still, he runs his tongue across the seam of my mouth and waits for
me to open for him. When I do his tongue barely grazes mine. I wrap my
arms around his neck to pull him closer to me.
The kiss ends just as quickly as it started and I can’t help feeling
disappointed. Jaxon finishes it by kissing the side of my mouth, my chin,
the tip of my nose, and then finally my cheek right over my scar. After, he
places his forehead against mine.
“You’re staying with me until this is over.” He says while looking in my
eyes.
I don’t hesitate to agree with him because the thought of sleeping alone
in the apartment terrifies me. It would be all too easy for Steven to get to
me there. There’s no security system and the locks aren’t all that great
either.
“Okay.”
I’ve taken him off guard by my easy acceptance. With my one-word
reply, he pulls his head back. “Okay? That simple?”
I nod my head. “Yes, okay. I’m not stupid, Jaxon. I know I’ll be safer
with you. The thought of him getting to me petrifies me. I’m not going to
make it easy for him.”
“That’s my girl.” He smiles at me and when he does it lightens his face.
I love that look on his face. It completely transforms him from the big,
tough, intimidating man to a sweet and endearing man.
“Alright, let’s get you home. Work’s over for you tonight.” He backs
away and gains his feet. Reaching down he takes my hand and pulls me up,
putting his arm around my neck to bring me closer as soon as I’m standing.
Nick walks back into the office and his eyes zero in on Jaxon. “Nothing.
No one’s seen a damn thing. He’s gone.”
Jaxon’s jaw goes ridged, but he nods his head.
Nick walks up to me and kisses my forehead. I feel Jaxon slightly
stiffen beside me but when I look up to him, he looks relaxed. Nick’s words
pull my attention back to him.
“Don’t worry about anything, Bailey. We’ll take care of him. He’s not
getting to you again.” His words are sincere and they send a shiver down
my spine. I know that these people will do almost anything for me. I just
pray they stay safe in the process.
Nick steps back and Mia takes his place. I’m pulled from Jaxon’s arm
when she reaches over and hugs me and says in my ear, “I know I haven’t
been the friendliest person and I’m sorry.” She pulls back and looks into my
eyes. “Please let me know if you need anything, okay?”
“Thank you.”
She smiles at me and I suck in a breath. I think that’s the first time I’ve
seen her smile. She was beautiful before but when she smiles she’s utterly
breathtaking.
Jaxon reclaims his place by draping his arm back around my neck.
Kissing the side of my head he says, “You ready?”
I look at him and reply, “I just need to grab my purse from the bar and a
few things from upstairs.”
“Okay, let’s go.” He walks me across his office and out to the bar, where
I grab my purse. After gathering a few essential items from upstairs, he
leads me out to his truck, where he deposits my bag in the back seat.
Getting in and buckling up I watch Jaxon move to his side and get in. He
looks over to me and grabs my hand.
“It’s going to be okay, Angel.”
I nod and turn my head forward to look out the windshield.
Please, God, let Jaxon be right.
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Sixteen
I’m sitting on Jaxon’s huge king size bed with my phone in my lap. I’m
about to call Chris. I hate to worry her, but she needs to know what’s going
on, just in case. Jaxon is in the shower.
Jaxon’s house is a complete shock to me. It’s gorgeous but not what I
expected. His three bedroom, two bath log cabin style home sits on ten
acres of wooded land. When we first pulled up to the house, after driving
for about fifteen minutes, the house that sat before me was nothing I would
have pictured Jaxon living in.
The whole house has a wraparound porch with several comfortable
looking padded chairs. I only noticed these because the porch light was on.
Other than the porch light the house is surrounded in darkness. The outside
of the house is made of dark wood.
When we first walked in and Jaxon flipped a switch to turn on the lights
my amazement heightened. The first room we enter is a cozy living area
that has two couches shaped into an L, with an end table between them. In
front of them is a huge fireplace. An image pops into my head of Jaxon and
I snuggling on the plush carpet sitting in front a roaring fire. Pillows are laid
out and we’re laying there entwined with each other under a nice warm
blanket.
The kitchen is of modest size with nice stainless steel appliances. The
cabinets are a finished dark wood and the counters are a nice sapphire blue.
There’s a small table on one side of the room and a sunken in pantry on the
other side. Off from the kitchen there’s a decent size mudroom that houses
the washer, dryer, utility sink, and a few other items.
The family room consists of another couch, a recliner, a coffee table,
and an entertainment center that holds a big flat screen television. On either
side of the television are two tall towers where a stereo, a DVD player,
several stacks of DVD’s and CD’s, books, and several framed photos sit.
Down the hallway is one of the bathrooms, a spare room that has a
single bed, a linen closet, the stairway that leads to the basement, and the
master bedroom.
Jaxon’s bedroom is arguably the biggest room of the house. Even
though his bed is massive it does even take up half the room. He has both a
dresser and chest of drawers, end tables on both sides of the bed, a captain’s
desk that holds a laptop, a recliner, and a chest at the end of the bed. The
closet is walk in and is almost the size of my bedroom back at the
apartment. The color theme of Jaxon’s bedroom is steel gray and dark blue.
It matches him perfectly.
Bringing myself out of my thoughts of my brief tour of Jaxon’s house I
look down at my phone. After swiping my finger until I find Chris’s
number I hit the talk button. She picks up on the third ring.
“Hey, girl! How’re you doing?” I feel guilty at her excitement because I
know that I’m about to squash it. The last several times I spoke with her we
were both doing good. Our conversations were light and carefree. Yes, the
lingering anxiety of my situation sat in the background but, overall, it
almost felt like old times talking to her, before I met Steven.
“Steven found me, Chris.” My voice is low.
“Son of a bitch!” Chris explodes. “How do you know?”
“I received a phone call from him tonight and then I saw him in the bar.
I passed out and by the time I came to he was gone. He says he’s coming
for me.” I say and I start to feel the fear seeping back into my bones.
“What are you going to do? Obviously you can’t stay there any longer.”
“I can’t leave. I won’t leave. I met someone, Chris. Remember the guy
that I told you about? The one I’m renting the apartment from and owns the
bar? Well, we’re sort of seeing each other.” I feel a nervous flutter go
through me when I tell Chris this. I know she’ll probably be upset that I
haven’t told her. I normally tell her everything.
“What? Since when?” She asks. I can tell by her voice that she’s hurt.
“For the last several weeks. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I wanted to, but I
wasn’t sure myself what was going on between me and him.” I stand from
the bed and start pacing the room. It feels really good to be able to finally
tell her.
“Are you sure you’re ready for that, Bailey?” I expected this question
and I’m immediately ready with an answer.
“No, I’m probably not but it feels right. He’s nothing like Steven. He’s
one of the most gentle and kindest person I know. And his patience with me
is remarkable. He’s known for a while something was off with me but he’s
never pushed me to tell him. He’s sweet and caring but has a protective side
to him. He makes me feel safe. For the first time in my life, Chris, I feel
safe when I’m with a man. He makes me feel like nothing bad will ever
touch me again.”
“Oh sweetie, I’m so happy for you. You deserve all that and so much
more. Just please be careful, okay.” She tells me with a soft voice. I can tell
she’s happy for me, even if still a little hesitant.
“I will. Anyway, when I blacked out tonight I had no choice but to tell
him what was going on. I didn’t want to leave him without an explanation.
When I told him, he became very upset. I’m going to be staying with him
until this is all over.”
Chris is quiet for several seconds. I stop my pacing in front of the
bathroom door and place my hand on the wood. I hear the shower running
and I know Jaxon is on the other side. The thought gives me comfort.
“I’ve got a break from school coming up in a couple of weeks and I’m
going to put in some time off at work...”
“Chris...” I start, but she talks over me.
“...I’m coming up there to see you.” She finishes.
“You don’t need to do that. I’m fine here.” I drop my hand from the
door and go back to sitting on the bed.
“Well, I’m coming anyway. I need to see you and meet this guy you’re
talking about. I need to see for myself that you’re okay.” There’s worry in
her voice and it’s that tone that makes me back down. Chris has been my
best friend for years and has helped me so much throughout those years. If
she needs to come up here to help lesson some of her stress then so be it. I
have to admit that the thought of seeing her again brings a smile to my face.
“Okay. Let me know when you’re coming. I can’t wait to see you
again.”
A few minutes later we hang up. I hear the shower shut off and I get up
to rummage through my bag to gather my night clothes. Jaxon opens the
door a couple minutes later. I’m back to sitting on his bed. His hair is a wet
mess, like he doesn’t even take the time to comb it, just uses his fingers as a
brush. The look is boyishly cute.
He’s wearing a pair of dark gray sweat shorts that ride low on his trim
hips and a white v-neck T-Shirt. I can see his tattoos peeking out of the top
of his shirt. The ever present wristband that he usually wears is gone but,
his eyebrow and gauges are still in place.
He walks right up to me so I have to spread my knees to allow him
room. He tips my head back and swipes his thumb across my bottom lip.
“Are you okay?” He asks while looking deep into my eyes.
I give him a tiny smile. “Yes.”
He smiles at me in return. “Good.”
“I spoke with Chris. She’s going to drive up her in a couple of weeks.
She’s worried about me.”
“Let her come. I want to meet and thank this person that’s helped you.”
Jaxon takes both of his hands and pushes the hair back from my face.
His touch is light, but it causes my heart rate to speed up. For years, I’ve
feared a person’s touch. Since being here in Jaded Hollow that fear has
lessened significantly. Especially Jaxon’s touch. I cherish the times he
touches me.
“I need to get in the shower,” I tell him breathlessly.
Jaxon runs his hands down my arms until he meets my hands. He gives
me a tug until I’m standing before him. He brings my body up against his
and wraps his arms around me. I lay my head against his chest and I hear
his steady heartbeat. It’s a calming rhythm that I could definitely get used to
hearing on a daily basis.
I feel Jaxon kiss the top of my head before he pulls back. “Go shower.
I’ll be here when you get out.” He bends and places another kiss on my lips.
I reluctantly step back and turn to pick up my clothes. Once inside the
bathroom I turn the water to blistering hot. Seeing Steven tonight reminded
me of all the times I’ve felt dirty. I need a hot shower to scrub away the
memories.
When I come out of the bathroom twenty minutes later, I find Jaxon already
in bed. He has the covers pulled up to his waist and he’s no longer wearing
his shirt. Just at the edge of the covers I can barely see the top of his sweat
shorts.
On our drive over Jaxon informed me that I was sleeping in his bed with
him. He told me that he would feel better knowing I was tucked into his
side.
“Okay,” was my reply. I think I took him by surprise, yet again, with my
immediate compliance.
Since that first night, when I got the first phone call from Steven he’s
slept in my bed a total of five times. Each and every time I slept like a baby,
without any dreams. Of course, that’s not the main reason why I want to
sleep with him. Yes, he keeps the dreams at bay but I also love the feel of
his arms wrapped around me.
As I stand there in the bathroom doorway, I take in the temptation that is
Jaxon. His hair is almost dry and it’s sticking up all over the place. He has
his hands thrown behind his head, which puts his tattooed muscles on
display. His colorful chest and stomach are truly a thing of beauty, with its
hard dips and ridges that make up his six pack. There is just enough hair
that crosses his pecs and runs down his abdomen. I can see the twinkle of
his nipples rings from the light of the lamp on the bedside table.
Jaxon cocks an eyebrow and asks me, “Are you coming to bed or are
you going to stare at me all night?”
My eyes lift from their perusal of his magnificent chest and meet his. I
blush ten shades of red before I start making my way over to his bed. My
usual bedtime attire is a tank top and a pair of short shorts. Tonight’s clothes
are no different. I can see the appreciation in Jaxon’s eyes as I walk to the
bed.
Jaxon’s already turned my way and has peeled the covers back for me
so when I get to the bed I sit and slip my feet and legs underneath. I
immediately slide over to Jaxon and rest my head on his bicep that he has
stretched out and my arm goes around his waist. My face is planted on his
chest. He smells clean and fresh.
The arm that I’m lying on comes around my back and his hand rests on
the outside of my chest. His fingers are only centimeters away from my
breast. His other arm is draped around my waist and his hand is resting right
above my butt. Our legs are intertwined with each other. His top leg is
between mine, which puts my top leg over his hip. Not an inch separates us.
I’ve learned that when Jaxon snuggles he likes to surround me completely,
touch me as much as humanly possible. This is another thing I love about
Jaxon.
With my face buried in his chest the small scattering hairs there tickle
my nose. I wiggle my face around a bit to try and relieve the itch.
I hear Jaxon chuckle and I feel the vibration of it through his chest.
“Chest hairs tickling you?”
“Yes,” I mumble.
I feel him start to pull back and I latch my arms tighter around him.
“No, don’t move. I like you right here.”
His arms squeeze me tighter for a second before he loosens them
slightly.
I run my nose between his pecs, loving the fresh masculine scent there.
His skin is warm and I feel completely protected. When I’m with Jaxon
nothing can touch me.
Jaxon rubs his thumb lightly across my skin below my breast. It causes
goose bumps to pop up all over my skin. The fingers of his other hand send
light trails over my lower back.
I gingerly start placing small kisses right over his heart, which causes it
to speed up. I feel it thumping against my lips. After a few pecks with just
my lips I reach out hesitantly with my tongue and start using it as well to
kiss him. The fingers that are running along my back stop.
“Angel, what are you doing?” Jaxon asks me on a groan.
“Kissing your beautiful chest,” I answer him while peppering more
kisses along his right pec.
Jaxon puts his hand in my hair and gently pulls my head back so I have
to look at him. His eyes are flaring with desire.
“A man can only take so much. I would never ever force you, but
you’ve got to know how hard it is to hold back with you. I’ve wanted you
since the first time I laid eyes on you. It seems all I think about is being
inside of you. In wake of everything you’ve told me tonight I don’t think
it’s a good idea for us to be doing this.”
I pull my arm from around him and run my fingers down his cheek and
across if lips. “You’re wrong, Jaxon. I think now is the perfect time. For the
first time in my life, I feel free and safe. You make me feel this way. You
once told me that I would be ready when I knew deep down that you would
never hurt me. Well, I know. I know. Deep inside here.” I take his hand and
place it over my heart. “That you would do anything to keep me from
harm.”
What I say is true. I know in my heart that Jaxon would give his life for
mine, and although I would never let that happen, the thought brings me to
the realization that I want Jaxon more than I fear my reaction of being with
him. Telling him what I’ve been through is liberating and I feel with that
out of the way I can let go and give my whole self to him.
Jaxon lifts up on an elbow so he towers over me from above.
“You’re right. I would do anything, say anything, give anything to keep
you safe. The thought of him hurting you makes me want to drive my head
through the wall.” The fierceness in his voice doesn’t scare me, it makes me
feel loved. Yes, loved. I don’t know if what he feels for me is love, but
either way I feel it. It’s a feeling I’ve never felt before, besides from Chris.
“Show me, Jaxon. Show me what making love should be like. Make me
forget all the bad, and replace it with good.”
Jaxon stares at me for a few seconds, gauging my sincerity, I imagine,
before swooping down and kissing the life out of me. I open my mouth
immediately to tangle my tongue with his. This kiss is different than any
other we’ve shared. It’s possessive, carnal, and passionate all wrapped up
into one. It’s doesn’t scare me like it would have a few weeks ago.
The hand that’s still in my hair twists to put my head at a better angle
for his kiss. He nips at my bottom lip and then runs his tongue over it to
sooth it. Making his way across my cheek, he pauses to take my ear lobe
into his mouth.
“Tell me if it’s too much. Promise me.” He whispers in my ear.
“I will, I promise.” I angle my head to the side to give him better access,
wanting more.
He trails kisses down my neck, nipping and soothing along the way. His
hand that was tangled in my hair travels down the back of my neck, then
my back, and rests on my butt. He pulls me closer to him and I feel him
hard against my core. I suck in a quick breath at the pleasure of feeling him
against me. The knowledge that I do that to him excites me and gives me
courage.
Jaxon hears the hitch in my breath and relaxes his hand, letting me fall
back a little. The arm that I placed back around him clutches him tighter
bringing him back in.
“No, don’t stop.”
I hear Jaxon groan against my neck. He moves his hand down my
backside to the back of my thigh. He grips it and pulls my leg further up his
hip. My most sensitive area is now flush against his upper thigh and I grind
down on it, needing to feel more of him. I feel myself getting wet and I
know that through my thin piece of clothing I’m getting his shorts wet as
well.
“Oh Jaxon.” I moan and dig my nails into his back.
“Fuck, Angel,” He hisses. “I can feel it. You’re already so wet for me.
This spurs him on and he pushes me to my back and settles himself
between my thighs. He’s sitting back on his legs. With my legs on either
side of him resting on his, I’m somewhat open and exposed to him, even
though I’m still wearing my clothes.
Jaxon watches me with steel blues eyes as he runs his hands slowly up
my calves and thighs. When he reaches my stomach, his fingers dip
underneath my tank top. He moves them to my sides. With slow
movements, his hands continue their upward motion, bringing my shirt
along with him.
I halt his movements by placing my hands on his.
“Angel, we don’t...” He starts but I stop him before he can finish.
I shake my head and say, “No, it’s not that. I don’t want you to stop. I
just...” I stop because I don’t know what to say. How do you tell a man that
your body is riddled with ugly marks?
Taking a deep breath I haltingly try to explain. “Steven...h-he liked
to...mark me. I’ve got...scars. A lot of them. They aren’t pretty. I want to
warn you before you see them for yourself.”
As I talk I see pure rage enter Jaxon’s face. After closing his eyes and
breathing deeply a few times he opens them again and the rage is gone,
replaced with a soft understanding look.
“Baby, no matter how many scars you have you could never look
anything but beautiful to me.”
His words touch a place inside me that allows some of my insecurities
to let go. His words are pure and I believe them.
I move my hands from his and place them on his thighs. He doesn’t take
his eyes off mine as he starts moving his hands again to pull my shirt up.
It’s slow and torturous. I want him to hurry, but then I’m dreading when he
sees them. When his fingers skim over the side of my breast, my breathing
starts to pick up. The warmth his hands leave behind makes me throb for
more. My shirt is now over my breast, but his eyes still remain on mine.
“Arms up, baby and lift for me.” He says quietly.
Lifting my upper body off the bed, I sit up and bring my arms above my
head. Jaxon finishes removing my shirt. His chest is right in front of my
face. I bring my hands back down to his sides and lean forward to kiss his
chest, but Jaxon pulls back and grabs both sides of my face to bring it up to
his.
“Not yet. Lay back, I want to look at you.”
I slowly lie back down and force my hands to my sides. I want to cover
myself, but Jaxon needs to see.
He finally moves his eyes away from mine and they move slowly down
my neck, my chest, and then my stomach, where I know he sees the lines
and circles of raised skin.
“Absolutely beautiful,” Jaxon says and I close my eyes. I open them
again when I feel his hands start at my neck and make their way down to
my breasts. I feel the calluses on his hands, but they are also so gentle. He
trails a finger over one of my nipples and my body shudders at the touch.
No one has ever touched me with such reverence.
Jaxon bends at the waist until his head is right above my chest. He looks
up at me with hooded eyes and asks, “Okay?”
With my nod, he continues.
With light touches, he places gentle kisses across both my breasts. He
stops at one and flicks his tongue across my nipple, bringing it to a hard
point. I moan in response and raise my chest up desperately seeking more
from him. Encouraged by my moan, he takes my nipple into his mouth and
starts to suck and flick his tongue at the same time.
I place my hands in his hair to pull him closer to me. He releases my
nipple only to move to the next. He takes his hand and starts kneading my
breast that he just abandoned. His other hand is trailing down my side until
it reaches the back of my thigh that is still resting on his leg. Once there, he
brings it back up and slips it under my shorts through the leg hole to rest on
my butt.
Jaxon moves his hand from my breast that he’s been playing with and
moves it down my body. When he reaches my waist, he takes his other hand
and moves it to the other side. He lifts his head from my chest and lifts up.
He looks back at me.
“You okay?” He asks me again. The way he is so careful and patient
with me amazes me.
I nod my head and give him a verbal, “Yes.”
He slowly starts to pull my shorts and panties down my legs. I lift them
from his sides so he can get them all the way off. He flings them to the side.
I glance down my body and I can see how aroused he is by the bulge that’s
causing his shorts to stick out. The sight makes my mouth water and I
desperately want to see all of him.
I sit up and move my hands to the waistband of his shorts. Looking up
at him I tell him, “Your turn. I want to see you.”
He smirks at me and moves to the end of the bed. Standing there, I
watch as he moves his hands to the top of his shorts and bends to start
pushing them down. When he’s done and is standing up again, I take in the
sight of him. My eyes zero in on his cock. Two things catch me by surprise.
First is the size of him. He’s huge and I worry that he won’t fit. The second
is the ring that rests at the tip. It looks painful and erotic at the same time. I
can’t control the shiver that racks my body. I can’t wait to have him in me.
Jaxon climbs back on the bed and repositions himself between my
thighs. I put my hands on his chest and start moving them down his pecs.
When they make it to his pierced nipples, I run my fingers over them. Jaxon
tilts his back and groans.
“Shit, Angel, you’re killing me here.” His voice is breathless and it
spurs me on.
I run my fingertips down his hard stomach, loving the feel of him
beneath my fingers. I lick my suddenly dry lips when I reach his pelvic
area. His dark hair there is trimmed. My eyes focus on his erection. It’s
beautiful. The shaft matches his naturally darker skin, but the tip has a pink
hue to it. The ring at the tip piques my curiosity.
Hesitantly, I take my finger and trail it over the metal there and I watch
as his dick jumps. I move to the tip and gather the drop of moisture and run
it over the head. At my touch, I hear a growl in the back of Jaxon’s throat
trying to get out. I quickly glance up at him. He has his head bent watching
me. His hands are fisted at his sides and his jaw is clenched shut tightly. His
breathing is ragged. His nostrils flare with each harsh breath he takes.
“Enough! I can’t take any more, Angel. Lie back and let me have you.”
I remove my hands from his rigged cock and lie back. As I lay there
gazing up at Jaxon I watch him move his hands to my thighs. I don’t know
if it’s the trick of the light, but it looks like his hands are shaking.
His big hands are on top of my thighs, but his thumbs rest on the inside
of them and he slowly moves them upwards. Once he reaches my heated
and dripping center he gently takes his thumbs and rubs them along my
outer lips. I’m startled by the touch and surprising myself and Jaxon I lift
myself slightly off the bed. I want more. I want Jaxon to touch me deeper.
I never thought it would be this easy to make love with someone. I
thought Steven ruined me completely, but the more Jaxon touches me, the
more I want. The way I feel is foreign but so far the fear has been kept at
bay.
Jaxon takes his thumbs and spreads me open. After a few seconds, I feel
a finger at my entrance. He slips just the tip in before pulling it out and
dragging it up until he meets my clit. There, he applies light pressure and
moves his finger in a circular motion. I cry out with pleasure and grip the
sheets in my hand.
“Jaxon, oh God, please. I need...”
“I know, Angel. I know what you need. Just a few more minutes. Can
you hold on for just a few more minutes for me?”
I release a lung full of air and tighten my legs around his hips. What
Jaxon is doing feels so good. I’ve never felt anything like it. I nod my head
at Jaxon’s question and hope he doesn’t kill me before he takes me.
The finger that is at my clit moves back down and slips inside. It’s not
much, just a little more than before. He takes it back out and moves it back
to my clit for another torturous massage. I feel moisture running down my
backside. Jaxon, once again, brings his finger back down and slips even
more inside. He slowly moves it in and out, putting more and more in each
time he enters. During one outward stroke, I feel him add another finger.
His hands are big and I feel a slight pressure. It’s not uncomfortable. It feels
incredible. After a few seconds, he adds another finger. I know that he’s
trying to prepare my body for when he finally enters me. He repeats the
motion; in, out, then massaging my clit a few more times until I’m a
quivering mess set before him. I feel a tingling start in my stomach and
spread out to all the parts of my body. I know what’s about to come. I’ve
only ever had three orgasms in my life, but I remember the sensations. Any
minute now I know it’ll take over my body and I’ll be left just a helpless
puddle of Bailey.
I throw back my head, bow my body up and cry out when the first wave
hits me. I feel Jaxon plunge his fingers in deeper which causes the second
waves to wash over me further. The three other times I’ve come were
nowhere near as intense as this. I feel as though I’m floating, my body
weightless. The sensations are almost too much.
When I slowly come back to earth, Jaxon is hovering over me with both
his arms resting on either side of my head. The extreme pleasure I see on
his face brings tears to my eyes. Never has anyone taken the time and care
with my body that Jaxon just did.
“You are absolutely stunning, do you know that?” He asks me quietly.
I’m so overcome with emotion that all I can do is shake my head. “I’ve
never seen anything as beautiful as watching you let go.” He adds then dips
his head and gives me a brief kiss.
“You okay?” He asks while he wipes away the few tears that escaped.
I give him a watery smile. “I’m perfect.”
“Are you ready for more?”
I chuckle at his question and respond, “Yes, please.”
I feel Jaxon shift and then feel his erection at my entrance. Fear creeps
in and I can’t help but stiffen a little. Having Jaxon use his fingers is
different than him using his cock. An image of Steven brutally forcing
himself inside me pops into my head. I know that it’s not Steven who is
with me now but I can’t stop the memories from coming.
I squeeze my eyes tightly shut trying to force them away, but it doesn’t
work. I break out into a cold sweat and my deep breathing has moved from
the breathy pants of passion to the deep inhalations of fear. Memory and
memory forms in my head and I can’t stop it.
Steven slamming into me from behind while his friend takes me from the
front.
His friend fucking me while Steven rams a sharp painful object into my
butt.
Steven standing from above choking me on his dick while two of his
friends fuck me in my ass and vagina.
Steven shoving an old splintered baseball bat into me as far as it will
go.
Me using the bathroom after numerous brutal rapes and watching the
blood rush out of me.
I’m pulled from the horrible memories when Jaxon grabs both sides of
my face.
“Look at me Bailey.” I open my eyes and shake my head, trying to rid
my mind of the awful pictures. I focus on the steel blue that’s right in front
of me. I can tell that my relapse has caused Jaxon pain. He’s suffering
because I’m suffering. It’s clear as day in his beautiful eyes.
“If you’re not ready we don’t have to go any farther. We can wait.”
“No!” I shout at him. “No, Jaxon, I want this. I need this. I’m okay. It
just scared me for a minute, but I’m okay now. Please.” I’m practically
begging him now. I know that sounds pathetic, but I know that if I can only
get past this hurdle I’ll be okay. Jaxon is the one person that can set me free.
Jaxon watches me for a few more minutes before making his decision.
“I want you to keep your eyes on me the entire time. Don’t look away
from me. Don’t close your eyes. I need you to know that it’s me that’s
taking you. Me and only me.” I nod my head. I can definitely do that. I love
seeing Jaxon above me.
Eyes locked to mine Jaxon shifts his hips and I feel him barely slip
inside me. Just the tip is in so there isn’t much pressure yet. Slowly, he
pushes forward, stretching me. I feel the metal of his piercing rubbing
against my sensitive walls and the sensation is unlike anything I’ve ever felt
before. The pressure builds, but it’s not unpleasant. From the intense look
and the harsh breaths that are coming from Jaxon it’s plain to see that he’s
holding back. When he’s seated fully inside me and his hips rest against
mine I feel pleasantly filled, stretched to the max.
Still watching me Jaxon pulls back a fraction of an inch and pushes
back in. I moan at the friction and involuntary tighten my inner walls. Jaxon
groans and pulls out further, only to push right back in.
I bite my lip and breathe out, “More.”
Jaxon unbends his arms so it’s only his palms that are still beside my
head. He starts out slowly pushing in and out but then picks up his pace.
Our eyes never once leave each other. My hands are on his biceps and my
fingers grip the muscles there.
I love the way he feels inside me. I love being full of Jaxon. There’s no
better feeling.
Jaxon’s movements become faster. I hear our bodies slapping together.
I’m so wet that Jaxon slides in and out with ease. The tightness in my
stomach expands to the rest of my body. Our breathing has become ragged.
Both of us are close.
Just before I’m ready to explode Jaxon pushes up and sits back on his
legs. He grabs me under my arms and pulls me up until I’m sitting on his
legs with him still buried inside me.
“Ride me, Angel.” He growls.
The movement surprises me just as much as his demand. The look in his
eyes tells me that he’s on the edge. He’s giving me the opportunity to take
control because he’s worried if he loses his it may scare me. My heart
softens at the realization.
Placing my hands on his shoulders I use them as leverage as I lift
myself up and then slide back down. Jaxon grips my hips to help me with
my upward motions. With each downward stroke Jaxon lets out a grunt. I
tunnel my hands in his hair and bring my lips to his in a feverish kiss. The
pressure is building again. I grind my clit down on his pubic area. Jaxon
moves his hands to my butt and pushes me down even harder. I’m no longer
moving up and down but forward and backward. The friction is impossible
to resist and I explode with another loud cry.
“Jaxon!”
I’m liquid in his arms as he lifts me and slams me back down. My
muscles are still convulsing around him when he finds his own release a
few seconds later.
“Fuck!” Jaxon shouts out.
With our breathing still labored and our sweaty bodies still connected
Jaxon rests his forehead against mine. His hands that are at my hips slide
around to my back and start stroking up and down slowly. He pulls his head
back to look at me.
“Are you okay?” He asks me again softly.
I trace the line of his lips with my finger and answer him honestly. “I’m
wonderful. You’re wonderful. Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me, Angel. Never thank me for giving you something that
you should always be given.”
Jaxon leans our bodies forward and twists until we’re both lying down,
him on his back with my head on his shoulder. Both of his arms surround
me, holding me tight. He grabs my thigh and pulls it over both of his.
Tucking my hair behind my ear, I feel Jaxon kiss the top of my head. I
snuggle in closer, even though there’s already not much room separating us.
Jaxon always makes sure we’re as close as we can be.
I close my eyes basking in the glory of our lovemaking. I’ve never been
happier or more content in my life. Jaxon may call me, Angel but it’s
actually him that’s my Angel. He’s the one that brought me back to life.
He’s the one that made me feel again. Jaxon is the one that makes me feel
complete.
Steven may be out there right now plotting how to finish shattering me,
but he’s not here in this room. It’s just Jaxon and me and all the wonderful
feelings that Jaxon has invoked in my life since I met him. Steven can’t
have this moment. Steven can go fuck himself.
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Seventeen
I wake to goose bumps forming all over my body. Jaxon is lying behind me
feathering his fingers along my naked back. I don’t know how long I’ve
slept, but the sun is just starting to rise bringing in a soft light through the
curtains hanging over the window.
I arch my body and let out a moan when Jaxon hits an especially
sensitive spot. I turn my head and see Jaxon up on his elbow looking down
at me with a laid back expression.
“Hi,” I say with a shy smile. After our lovemaking last night neither one
of us got up to get dressed, opting instead to lay there in each other’s arms. I
have the sheet pulled up over my breasts and if by the feel of Jaxon’s hard
length resting against my backside he never got up to get dressed after I fell
asleep. He’s still gloriously naked and very happy to see me.
“Hi,” Jaxon says back. He guides his fingers around my waist and
makes a path towards my breasts. “How are you feeling this morning?”
I turn over onto my back and slide my fingers into his hair, just like I
imagined doing the first night I met him. So much has changed since then.
Jaxon has taught me so much. I know now that not all people are bad. Not
all people are out to take what they want from me. There are some people
that are kindhearted. Through Jaxon and the people in this town, I’ve
learned that I can trust again. I may not be all the way there yet, but I’m
slowly learning to value myself. I’m not just a damaged girl not worth
anything.
“I feel remarkable.” I tug Jaxon’s head down until his soft lips meet
mine. As soon as our lips touch we both open and our tongues clash
together. He brings his hand up and pinches my nipple before rolling it
around to form a hard peek.
Jaxon releases my lips only to trail his along my neck. There he mutters,
“We should wait, Bailey. Let your body...”
I interrupt him before he can finish his thought. No way am I waiting.
I’ve waited long enough for Jaxon. Life’s too short. There’s no telling what
might happen next.
I respond to his suggestion by bringing my leg up over his hip and
tugging him until he’s fully on top of me. I wrap my legs around him
tightly. I feel him at my entrance and remember what he did to my body last
night. How my body reacted to his.
I shake my head and look up at him. “No waiting, Jaxon. For the first
time in my life it feels right. Yes, my body is sore, but it’s such a wonderful
and beautiful sore. I’m not scared anymore. The memories may always
linger in the back of my mind, but they don’t control me. I loved what we
did last night. You made me feel cherished. I’ve never had that before. You
gave that to me.”
Jaxon watches my eyes the whole time I speak. I hope he can see the
truth and sincerity in them because what I said is true. Jaxon makes me feel
special and adored.
Jaxon must believe what I said because one minute he’s watching me
and the next his lips are slamming over mine. He nips and bites my lower
lip then places gentle kisses to alleviate the sting. I grip his hair and meet
his ferocity, our tongues dueling in the process.
Jaxon grabs both my legs and lifts them higher over his hips. Once
they’re in the position he likes he dips one hand and finds my clit, swirling
the bundle of nerves there with a fingertip. I grip his hair tighter as my body
responds with tingles of delight. He runs his fingers down until he gets to
my opening and, once there, dips one inside.
“Shit, Angel, you’re already so wet.” He groans against my lips
“Mmm...only for you.” I let out a long moan when he adds another
finger.
“Damn straight. Only for me.” His possessive words should scare me,
but they don’t. Jaxon’s possessive nature is totally different from Steven’s.
Steven likes to control all aspects of life, including hurting anyone that gets
in his way. Jaxon is a protector and keeps what he considers his safe.
Pulling myself from my dark thoughts, I drag my nails down Jaxon’s
back until I reach his tight butt.
“Now Jaxon, please. I can’t wait.”
Jaxon removes his hand from my center and replaces it with his hard
and swollen length. Just the tip enters before he stops and looks down at
me.
“Are you sure, Angel?” He asks me through clenched teeth. Again,
Jaxon is holding back on my account.
To answer is question I grip his backside and pull down at the same time
I lift my hips up. He only goes in about halfway, but he understands that I
am completely sure.
“Fuck, baby, you feel so good. So tight and wet and warm. I can’t....I
won’t last long.” He grunts as he slides the rest of the way in. I’m a bit
tender but the feel of him gliding inside is phenomenal.
Jaxon grabs my hands and laces our fingers together and places them
beside my head. With our fingers locked and our chests smashed together
he starts to move his hips forward. My inner muscles spasm around him. He
feels so right inside me, like his body was designed perfectly to fit mine.
Nothing has ever felt so good.
Jaxon stares down at me as his hips begin to move faster. My fingers
tighten around his and we’re both panting heavily. The slip and slide of his
dick is hitting places inside me that I never knew existed.
Jaxon bends his head and thrusts his tongue inside my mouth to duel
with mine. The motion of his hips is getting faster and faster. The quicker
he moves, the stronger the build up is. With each downward stroke he hits
my clit. It sends sparks throughout my body. I’m getting close and I know
he is too by the way his eyes are flaring and his tightly clenched jaw. I also
know that when it comes it’ll be epic.
Not once has Steven entered my mind. Jaxon doesn’t allow it. He keeps
me captive by never releasing my gaze, even when he’s devouring my
mouth with his. He forces my focus to stay solely on him.
One minute I’m on the edge of something beautiful and the next I’m
being pushed over. My body literally trembles from the effects of my
release and I let out a loud cry. I swear I see stars floating above us.
Seconds later Jaxon pushes all the way in and then stiffens, letting out
his own groan of release. I feel the warmth of it hitting my inside walls. The
feeling is erotic and carnal and I love it.
Jaxon drops his head in the crook of my neck and I feel him licking and
placing tiny kisses there. I shiver at the touch of his lips and tongue and my
body responds by pulsing around him one last time, which causes him to
growl in my ear.
“I love making love to you, Angel, but I swear you’re not good for my
heart. For a few minutes there, I thought it was going to pump right out of
my chest.”
I laugh at his dramatics and in retaliation he digs his fingers in my ribs
and tickles me. He laughs with me when I start to squirm and squeal
beneath him.
“Think it’s funny, do you? You won’t be laughing when I keel over dead
from the overabundance of physical and emotional stimulation you cause
me and be left with a lifeless body on top of you.”
His words only make me laugh harder.
“You gotta stop Jaxon or I’m going to pee on you!” I yell as he tickles
me more.
His laughing dies down to a chuckle and he stops tickling me. He pecks
me on the side of my neck and then lifts himself only to settle down beside
me. When he pulls me into his arms, I put my head down on his chest and
pull the sheet up over us.
“We didn’t use protection either time.” He says quietly.
I don’t know if he’s telling me this because he’s worried because of the
multitude of partners I’ve had or because he’s worried about me. I
understand his fears and have no hard feelings towards them. Whatever his
reasoning is I try to reassure him on my part.
“If you’re worried that I might have something, please don’t. When he
caught up with me a couple months ago I went straight to a local health
department in West Virginia and got tested. I was also tested while I was in
the hospital. As far as getting pregnant, I can’t.” I say the last with a lump
in my throat. That’s just one more thing Steven stole from me.
His fingers stroke down my back when he speaks. “I get tested regularly
as well. I haven’t been the most celibate person in the past. I’m always
careful and use protection, but nothing is one hundred percent.”
Neither of us speaks for a few minutes.
“Why can’t you have children?” He asks.
I don’t really want to answers but I know I need to give him something.
This is the one subject that is the hardest to talk about.
“When Steven pushed me down the stairs there was damage done to my
insides that prevent me from getting pregnant.”
Jaxon must sense my reluctance to talk about it because he just squeezes
my shoulder and kisses the top of my head in response.
“How did you sleep?” He picks up a lock of my hair and starts twirling
it around his finger.
“Really good actually,” I say and start tracing the beautiful blazing sun
that’s inked on his stomach causing his abdominal muscles to flex and
jump.
“Wanna tell me about the dream Anna woke you up from in your car?”
He asks me quietly.
“Not much to tell. I’ve had dreams for a while now. They’re memories
of the many times Steven used me. Some are worse than others. They
literally make me sick to my stomach at times.” I’m surprised at my
admission. It seems easier to talk to Jaxon now that he knows the truth and
he hasn’t judged me harshly.
“I’m so sorry those things happened to you. I know it sounds ridiculous
because I didn’t know you at the time, but I feel guilty for not saving you
from it. It makes me so incredibly angry when I think of that bastard and his
friends laying their hands on you. It’s really really hard, Angel, to keep
from going after him and killing him.” From the tone of his voice and the
tenseness in his body I know he speaks the truth.
I kiss his chest and tell him, “It’s okay, Jaxon. That’s part of the reason
why I didn’t tell you until last night. I didn’t want to upset you and cause
you to do something irrational.”
We lay there quietly for a few minutes, him playing with my hair and
me outlining his tattoos. I see the necklace that he wears out the corner of
my eye and my hand moves to that and starts fingering it. The jewel part is
turquoise and the shape of a tear drop. It’s very pretty.
It’s peaceful just lying in bed with him. I finally feel somewhat free of
my past and I’ll do almost anything to keep it.
Jaxon breaks the silence.
“I had a friend in high school named Kaylee. We met at the playground
in fourth grade and became best buds. She had just moved down the street
from my house. That first day at the playground marked the first of many
days that we played together. We were always with each other, whether at
school or at home.”
He stops speaking for a moment and I watch him lift a piece of my hair
and bring it to his nose where he takes a whiff. When he releases my hair,
he moves his hand to the necklace that I’m still playing with.
“She gave this to me for my thirteenth birthday.” His eyes are distant,
like his body may be here but his mind is somewhere else. I lay there
quietly waiting for him to continue.
“It was just her and her dad. We hardly ever went to her house, opting to
come to mine instead. I used to always pick on her saying it was because
she liked my mom’s cooking more.” He chuckles at the memory. “It wasn’t
until a year later that I realized it was because she didn’t like being around
her dad.
“One day she didn’t come to school. After I got home, I walked to her
house to go check on her. Her dad wasn’t home. When she opened the door,
I knew immediately something was wrong. She had a split lip and a bruise
on her cheek. I could also see bruises on both of her wrists.” I inhale
sharply, knowing where this is going.
Jaxon stops talking again and closes his eyes. Another few minutes pass
before he continues in a whisper.
“She begged me, got on her knees and begged me not to say anything.
She said that it would only make it worse. I was so scared for her that I kept
my mouth shut.”
I squeeze my arm around him in a show of comfort, but I don’t think he
notices. He’s in his own world of hell right now in the form of his
memories. I ache for him.
“Kaylee explained to me that it normally wasn’t that bad. He got drunk
the night before and was careless. She said that usually he doesn’t leave
marks where people can see them. A fucking ten year old little girl was
explaining to a ten year old little boy how her daddy usually is more
cautious of where he leaves marks on her body. And it wasn’t just the
punching or kicking, it was the sexual abuse as well. We were both
supposed to be too young to even know what sex was, much less what it
means.” Jaxon hisses out the last. My body convulses at his words. Jaxon
notices and starts running his hand up and down my back.
“Just a few more minutes, Angel. I know it’s hard to hear, but I need
you to know why I reacted the way I did in my office. Can you hold on for
a few more minutes?”
I take a deep breath and nod my head. I can do this for Jaxon. It may
break my heart in the process, but I’ll learn to be strong for him.
“The abuse didn’t happen all the time but I always knew when it did.
She would be at my house more. She was always quiet. We would sneak up
to my room and crawl into my bed. I would lay behind her while she told
me what happened. Even as a child I would lie there the whole time she
talked and would silently wish that I could kill the sick son of a bitch.
“This went on for years, all the way up to high school. We would argue
all the time about it. I wanted to tell someone, but Kaylee was terrified that
no one would believe her, forcing her to live in the same house as him after
we told, which would only cause more pain for her. Once we were older I
confronted Kaylee’s dad a couple times behind her back. He got worried
that I would go to my mom and swore he would stop. It would for a bit but
then would start again. I was stuck because I promised Kaylee I wouldn’t
say anything but it was slowly killing me inside each time she would come
to my house with that sad look on her face.” Jaxon stops talking for a
moment. The tone of his voice has deepened and I know that what he’s
fixing to reveal is going to be terrible.
“In tenth grade Kaylee started going into a deep depression. We would
still hang out all the time and she would still come to my house when it got
bad at home but she wasn’t the same. She would stare off into space a lot
and zone out. She always wanted to stay in and never go out. I also noticed
that she started losing weight. I knew something else was going on but no
matter how many times I asked she would brush me off.
“When she didn’t show for school one day I skipped third period and
went to her house to check on her. I had a gut feeling that something was
wrong. When I pulled up there were cops cars all around and an ambulance.
I fought with some of the cops trying to get inside. I watched as they
brought her dad out in handcuffs. He had his head bent and was crying. I
found out later at the hospital that she was 2 months pregnant. That twisted
fuck got her pregnant and then beat her so badly that she had a miscarriage.
From what the cops could gather she must have realized she was having a
miscarriage and it sent her over the edge. She slit her wrist in the bathtub.
She wrote me a letter confirming what the cops told me. She told me that
she couldn’t do it anymore. She said that she was sorry that she wasn’t
strong enough. Kaylee wrote me a letter saying she wasn’t strong enough. It
was me that wasn’t strong enough. I was the one that let her down. I was the
one that wasn’t there for her when she needed me the most.”
Tears are streaming down my face soaking Jaxon’s chest by the time he
finishes. The anguish in his voice only adds to my misery. What Jaxon must
have gone through feeling so helpless. What Kaylee, still a child, went
through feeling like she had no choice but to end her life. Even though I
never met her, I feel a connection with her through our mutual forms of
abuse. We’ve both been through more than most people can imagine. The
only difference is that I choose to hang on one more time in an attempt to
escape it. Whereas Kaylee chose a direct path to ending her agony.
There’s one thing that I know and that’s that Jaxon blames himself for
what happened to Kaylee when he shouldn’t. The guilt that he’s carried
with him all these years is heartbreaking.
Forcing myself to be strong for Jaxon, I sit up and wipe my tears away.
Turning to face him, I place my hands on his chest and get right in his face.
I want him to hear loud and clearly what I have to say.
“Jaxon, it wasn’t your fault. He was a sick and depraved man that
enjoyed causing pain to Kaylee. She was a troubled young girl. She made
you promise not to say anything. What do you think she would have done if
you had told? She would have turned away from you and there’s no telling
what would have happened to her then.” I lean over to bring my hand up to
his jaw and rub my finger over his scruffy cheek. “It was you that kept her
alive for the years that she was. It was through your friendship with her that
she had a piece of normal.”
Jaxon closes his eyes, but I still see the grief written all over his face.
“But if I had said something she still may be here. I didn’t do anything to
stop it.” He whispers in a tortured voice.
“Look at me, Jaxon.” When he has his eyes focused on me, I continue.
“You don’t know that. You don’t know what that type of abuse does to a
person in the long run. It was already so far inside her, embedded in her that
even if it stopped doesn’t mean that she wouldn’t have done something to
stop the memories. She wouldn’t want you to suffer like this. She wouldn’t
want you to blame yourself. All you ever gave her was good. You were the
positive in her life. You’ve got to let go and know that she’s in a better place
looking down on you.”
Jaxon sits up and wraps his arms around me. Burying his face in my
hair I hear him murmur, “I don’t know if I can.”
Running my hands up and down his naked back in an effect to comfort
him, I say to him quietly, “Maybe we can heal each other.”
Sitting outside with Jaxon on his back deck is one of the most relaxing
feelings I’ve ever felt. We’re both reclining back in lawn chairs with our
feet propped up on the railing sipping coffee. Our chairs are close and we’re
sharing a blanket because there’s a chill in the air. My right hand and his
left hand are interlocked beneath the covers. It’s so peaceful and quiet out
here. We’re both silent, just enjoying the beautiful view of the trees lightly
swaying in the wind that surrounds a vast lake. I’ve already seen a couple
deer and a lone red fox pass by. Jaxon chuckled at my excitement of seeing
the wild creatures moseying by.
Our tranquility is interrupted by a loud bang coming from inside the
house, then a blur of bright yellow rushing out onto the deck. The yellow
blur is Anna rushing towards us. She stops just before colliding into our
chairs.
“Oh my God, Bailey! Are you okay? Nick told me this morning what
happened last night. Well, he wouldn’t tell me everything but he told me
that you blacked out. Are you okay? What happened? Is there anything I
can do?” She says this all in a rush, hardly pausing between sentences.
“Shit Anna, give her a minute would ya?” Nick says as he leisurely
strolls out onto the deck behind the hurricane that is his girlfriend.
She shoots daggers at him and points to his chest. “Not another word
from you. I’m still pissed that you waited until this morning to tell me.”
“Aww...come on baby.” Nick playfully whines. “I was only trying to
give her and Jaxon some time before you came barreling over here to
demand what happened.”
That was most definitely not the right thing to say. Anna gets right up in
Nick’s face and pokes his chest so hard it wouldn’t surprise me if he has a
bruise later. I’ve never seen her this worked up before. Anna is a force to be
reckoned with when riled. “Nickolas Reed, I know you did not just say that
to me. Bailey is my best friend and she could have needed me. You had no
right keeping that from me.”
Trying to defuse the tension that’s radiating off Anna I grab her hand to
get her attention. It was very thoughtful of Nick wanting to give Jaxon and
me time. I hate seeing Anna mad at him because of me, especially when
he’s leaving tomorrow.
“Anna, sweetie, I’m fine okay? Nick is right. I needed time to think.
Please don’t be mad at him. If you’ll give me a few minutes, we’ll sit down
to talk and I’ll tell you everything.”
Anna surprises me by bending down and kissing my cheek. “Okay,
Bailey. It just hurts me thinking you may have needed me and I wasn’t
there.”
I pat her hand and give it a squeeze. She releases my hand and I watch
her walk over to Nick. Once there, she winds her arms around his neck to
bring his head down for a kiss. I can barely here a murmured, “I’m sorry”
before their lips are sealed.
I turn my head back to Jaxon and find an affectionate expression on his
face as he watches me.
“What?”
He shakes his head and smiles tenderly at me. “Thank you for
reassuring her. She’s always been the mother hen of the three of us. Always
feeling like she has to be there for everyone.”
“Except for Chris, I’ve never had people care about me before. It’s a
strange feeling and it’ll take some getting used to. But Anna’s very special.
She has such a kind and sensitive heart. I couldn’t let her think that I wasn’t
okay.”
He reaches over and grabs the back of my head to pull it closer to his.
He lands a soft kiss on my lips before pulling back and saying, “You do
have people that care about you. Me, my family, and a lot of other people in
this town. Never doubt that, Angel.”
Jaxon brings his legs down from the railing and stands up. Grabbing my
hand, he helps me stand as well. “I’m going to ask Nick if he’ll stay here
while I take care of a few things in town. I don’t want to leave you both
here by yourselves. Is there anything that you need from your apartment?”
“No, I think I have everything I need for a few days.”
“Okay.” After giving me another brief kiss, he goes over to speak to
Nick. Ten minutes later Jaxon is gone and I’m still out on the deck with
Anna. Nick decided to get in a workout session on Jaxon’s equipment in the
basement to give us time to talk.
I turn to Anna and start telling her about my childhood and then about
Steven. At some points Anna cries while during other times she seems
extremely mad on my behalf. She interrupts me a few times to ask
questions and I answer as honestly as I can. Once I’m finished rehashing
everything that’s happened to me, including the phone calls and me seeing
Steven in the bar last night, she leans over and gathers me in her arms.
“I’m so so sorry, Bailey. I knew that something happened to you, but I
had no idea it was that horrible. Why didn’t you tell us sooner?”
“I couldn’t. It was my problem and I was trying to deal with it on my
own. Well, more like run from it. I was so worried, and still am, that if
Jaxon gets involved he’ll get hurt. You have no idea what Steven is capable
of.”
“Oh Bailey, you have to learn to let people in. You need to realize you
don’t have to do this alone anymore.” She gazes at me with soft eyes, which
causes my throat to close up with emotion.
“So, what’s the plan?”
“I don’t know yet. Jaxon’s pretty much forbidden me to leave.” I give
off a slight chuckle. “He says he can help me. I don’t know how he can but,
I trust him.”
“Maybe Steven will lose interest and go home?” Anna suggests
hopefully.
I laugh harshly at Anna’s words. There’s no way Steven will just leave.
He’s not the type to give up easily. When he wants something he feels he’s
entitled to, he stops at nothing to get it. To him I’m his property.
“I can almost guarantee that won’t happen. I just don’t know what his
next move will be. Jaxon wants me to stay here, and as you’ve seen with
him asking Nick to stay here while he goes to town, he doesn’t want me left
alone. I don’t know what to do or expect. I hate it. I hate knowing there’s a
chance Jaxon or anyone, might get hurt because of me.”
“You can’t think about it like that, Bailey. You don’t know if anyone
will get hurt. You don’t know if Steven will do anything harsh. Besides,
Jaxon’s plenty capable of taking care of himself. Just take it one day at a
time and see what happens.”
I know she’s right. There’s nothing I can do right now. There are too
many scenarios to consider. I still can’t help but feel dread deep down. I
have this feeling that something awful is about to happen, I just don’t know
what. Steven is unpredictable and there’s no telling what he’ll do. I just
have to keep praying that everyone stays safe in the process. Even if I have
to sacrifice myself to make sure they do stay safe. It’s not something I want
to do, but something I’m more than willing to do. I’ll do anything to keep
harm away from the people I care about.
All of a sudden Anna squeals and grabs my arm shaking it. “Oh my
God! I almost forgot to tell you.” Her voice started out loud but then lowers.
“Grams hired a new girl a couple days ago. She has waitressing experience
so she should catch on pretty quickly. As you know Nick leaves again
tomorrow. In a few days, if the new girl works out and feels confident to
work on her own I’m going to take a few days off and go stay with Nick on
one of his jobs.”
I reach over and give her a quick hug. When I pull back Anna has an
enormous grin on her face.
“I’m so happy for you, Anna!”
“Nick doesn’t know it yet so let’s keep it between us. I plan on
surprising him.” I see the pure excitement and joy on her face and I can’t
help but be excited for her. Nick will definitely be surprised and very very
happy. I know that it eats at him that he has to leave her so much.
Nick walks out a few minutes later looking very sweaty and hot. He’s
wearing a pair of black basketball shorts and a dark gray tank top. Muscles
are bulging from his arms, which are littered with multiple tattoos,
including the spider web on his hand that I noticed the first time I saw him.
With his tank top plastered to his stomach I can see the ripples from his
washboard abs. He really is a very good looking man.
For the first time, I notice a ring on his right ring finger. It looks to be
Native American. I’ve always had an interest in the Native American
culture.
Neither Nick nor Anna notices my appreciative perusal of Nick but I
still look down at my hands and blush profusely.
“Hey ladies, are you hungry?” Nick asks in his deep voice.
“Yes!” Anna says loudly and jumps out of her chair. “I can make
sandwiches.” She turns to me. “Do you want one, Bailey?”
I pull the blanket from my lap and fold it as I get up. “I would love one.
I’ll come help.”
All three of us make our way inside and head to the kitchen to get a
much needed lunch.
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Eighteen
It isn’t until a couple hours later that Jaxon is back home. He walks in
carrying several folders of papers and a medium sized box. He sets them
down on the bar in the kitchen and walks over to the back of the couch
where Nick, Anna, and I are watching a marathon of The Big Bang Theory.
He leans down and kisses the side of my neck.
“How’re things here?” He asks in my ear.
I turn and offer my lips to him, which he takes advantage of by giving
me a quick open mouth kiss.
“Things are great. We’re just enjoying watching the shenanigans of
Sheldon and his crew. These guys are hilarious!”
He laughs at my enthusiasm.
A few minutes later, after a sick Sheldon is put to sleep by his mother
singing ‘Soft Kitty’ to him Nick and Anna get up and get ready to leave.
At the door, Anna gives me a hug saying softly in my ear, “Call me if
you need anything. And remember we’re all here for you. Jaxon won’t let
anything happen, okay?” She pulls back waiting for my response.
I give her a small smile and reply, “Okay, Anna. Thank you for listening
to me.” I pull her back in for another hug and whisper, “Let me know before
you leave.”
We break apart and Nick steps into my line of sight. Kissing me on the
cheek, he says, “Don’t worry about Steven, okay? Let Jaxon take care of
everything. You’ve dealt with this long enough. It’s time to let others in and
do it for you.” At my nod, he turns to Jaxon. “Call me if you need me. I’ll
only be gone a week at the most, but I can be back sooner if you need me
to.”
“Thanks, man.” They one arm hug and thump each other on the back
before he and Anna leaves.
As soon as the door closes Jaxon grabs my hands and tugs until I’m
plastered against his body. His head immediately swoops down and he
steals a scorching, very passionate kiss. Lacing my fingers in his hair, I pull
his head even closer. Our tongues interlock and tangle with one another.
This kiss is more forceful than all the others we’ve shared.
Jaxon leads me backwards until my back hits the door. Grabbing my
leg, he hitches it over his hip. I feel his hardness hit my center and my body
instantly starts to grind down on him, sending sparks flying throughout my
limbs.
Jaxon slows the kiss and releases my leg. He runs his tongue lightly
over my lips before he pulls back to rest his forehead against mine.
“I missed you.” He says while tucking an errant lock of hair behind my
ear.
“I can tell,” I say with a giggle.
He releases his hold on me, grabs my hand, and starts pulling me
towards the kitchen.
“How did it go with Anna?” He asks once we step into the kitchen. He
lets go of my hand and walks to the fridge to pull out a beer for himself and
a bottle of water for me.
Leaning my back against the counter, I twist the lid open and take a
swallow before answering him.
“She was understandably upset but she knows why I didn’t say anything
sooner. She was very adamant that you could help me. Actually, everyone
seems pretty sure that you can. Do you have some kind of super powers that
I don’t know about?”
He puts his beer down on the bar and starts towards me. A twinkle is in
his eye by the time he makes it to me. Placing his hands on the counter on
either side of me, he cages me in. He dips his head and runs his nose up my
neck until he reaches my ear. Once there he takes little nibbles and I moan
in response. Releasing my ear, he whispers, “Oh, I have super powers
alright, but not the kind you’re referring to.” My body quivers at the
innuendo. He’s certainly right when he says he has super powers. The man
really knows how to set my body off and makes me forget everything else
that’s happening around us.
Pulling back but keeping his arms on the counter Jaxon’s expression
turns serious.
“Steven isn’t the only one that has connections. The sheriff here is a
good friend of mine. I also have some acquaintances in the FBI that owe me
some favors. Please don’t worry, Angel. Everything will be okay.”
I nod my head and take his words to heart. It makes it a little easier
knowing that Jaxon isn’t going in blind and that if he needs help he’ll have
it.
Taking a step back Jaxon reaches over and grabs the box he brought in
earlier. There’s a magazine and what looks like a flyer sitting on top of it.
“This came for you in the mail.” He says and hands it over to me. It’s
pretty light.
Turning around and placing it back on the counter, I remove the
magazine and flyer to look at the return address and don’t find one. No one
knows where I live except for Chris and I haven’t been here long enough
for anyone local to be sending me anything in the mail. I just spoke with
Chris last night and I would assume she would have let me know that she
was sending me something.
Having a dreaded feeling in the pit of my stomach I look around for
something to open it with. Jaxon reaches over and hands me a pair of
scissors. Hoping that I’m wrong and that Chris just forgot to tell about the
package I run the edge of the scissors under the tape. Putting the scissors
down I slowly open the flaps. What I find inside has me clutching the
counter in an effort to hold myself up.
My breathing instantly starts to come in pants and my legs become
rubbery. I can feel my heart wanting to pound out of my chest. Tears form
in my eyes and start sliding down my cheeks. I can’t stifle the sob that
erupts from my lips. I throw one of my hands over my mouth and cry, “No,
no, no!”
Jaxon hears my cry and is suddenly by my side clutching my arms.
“Angel, what is it?”
I barely hear him. My focus is solely on the contents of the box. Jaxon
follows my line of sight and lets out a string of curses. “Son of a bitch!
What the fuck is that?”
I know what he sees. And there’s only one person sick enough to send
it.
Inside the box is a soft, familiar pink blanket with a baby doll wrapped
inside. The blanket and the baby are enough to tear me up inside, but that’s
not what has me on the verge of mentally breaking down. No, it’s what’s
done to the baby that has me nearly tearing my hair out in grief.
Its eyes are gone. It looks like someone gouged them out with a dull
knife. It has a cut on its face from its right eye down to its ear, an exact
replica of my own scar. The clothes, or what’s left of them, are dingy and
stained with what looks old blood. There are slashes throughout the entire
doll. There also seems to be burn marks on the arms and legs. The marks
look just like the one’s Steven used to love putting on my body with his
cigars.
I dig my fingers into my hair and pull hard. I double over, crying
uncontrollably. I’m beginning to see black spots in my vision. I hear Jaxon
running through the house, but have no idea what he’s doing. A few
seconds later he bends and scoops me up into his arms. He walks through
the kitchen into the living room and gently places me on the couch.
He pushes my head between my legs to help regulate my breathing
before I pass out. Rubbing my back, he says quietly, “Take deep breaths,
Angel. In and out slowly.”
After several minutes, my sobs become hiccups and my breathing is
fractionally better. The black spots are gone and I feel a little bit more in
control. When I sit up I see Jaxon squatted down in front of me.
I scrub my face and take several deep breaths before looking into his
eyes. He looks both pissed and worried.
“Tell me what that was about, Bailey. Why would Steven send
something like that to you?” His words are hard, but I know it’s not directed
at me. Jaxon doesn’t like not being in control and with the recent events he
feels like he has none.
Knowing that I have no choice but to reveal the last of my past, I take a
deep breath before speaking.
“Remember when I told you that Steven pushed me down the stairs
several months ago?” At his nod, I start again. “I was eight months
pregnant.”
“Fuck!” Jaxon says harshly.
I continue.
“I thought things would be different. It had been months since he used
his fists against me. He would still force me to have sex with him and his
friends, but he stopped hitting me. When I saw the look in his eyes that day
I knew that my reprieve was over. Never in my life have I been so afraid of
him. I think he meant to kill me that day, along with my baby.”
The words that are leaving me are emotionless. I’ve shut myself off to
try and avoid the pain. Jaxon gets up and walks to the window. His hands
are balled into fists. I can see that he’s attempting to rein in his temper.
Knowing that it might push him over the edge, but also knowing that if I
don’t finish it now I may never get the courage again, I continue.
“I had been pregnant four other times. Each and every time Steven
would find some way for me to lose the baby. There were a couple of times
he punched me in the stomach so hard that it made me miscarry.”
Jaxon makes a choking noise, but doesn’t turn around. I’m grateful he’s
facing away from me. I don’t know if I could continue if I saw anguish on
his face.
“I think he blamed me for getting pregnant. I never knew who the father
was for any of my babies. There were so many possibilities because of all
the men Steven made me have sex with. He never made them use
protection. I don’t think he liked that. I don’t think he liked knowing that
one of his friends could possibly be the father. But he never stopped forcing
me to have sex with them. He hated it but got off on it. It was like he was
punishing us both, but he also enjoyed it.
“This last time I was so happy because I had never made it that far
before. I actually felt the baby kick, Jaxon. It was so unreal. This baby was
to be my savior. Of course, I knew that once she was born the beatings and
abuse would continue and I was terrified of how she would be treated but
she would have been mine. Mine to love and cherish. And she would have
loved me back. I didn’t care who the father was. I was prepared to do
anything to get away from him once she was born. I knew I had no other
choice. There was no way I could take a chance with her. I would protect
her at all costs.”
Jaxon finally turns around and his eyes are glassy. He isn’t crying, but I
can tell that my story has affected him profoundly. He’s lost a child of his
own because of someone else’s selfishness just like I have. He slowly starts
making his way back to me, but stops several feet away.
“When Steven pushed me down the stairs that day he left immediately
afterward. I came to when the first wave of pain in my stomach hit me. I
crawled my way to the phone and dialed nine-one-one. By the time the
ambulance got there I was surrounded by blood and was barely conscience
because of the pain.” I’m silently crying by this point, not able to hold my
emotions in any longer.
“The doctors told me because of some complication they couldn’t take
the baby by c-section. They said that if they did the chance of me dying
grew exponentially. I was forced to deliver her by natural birth. I had to
deliver my baby girl as if she was fine and then watch them take her away. I
only got to hold her for a minute. The sad thing was she looked just like
Steven. Steven killed our baby for nothing. She was his.
“That’s why I can’t have babies. The last miscarriage damaged
something inside me that can’t be fixed. Something to do with my fallopian
tubes. I didn’t really pay attention to what the doctors were saying. I was
still too grief stricken to care. After I lost my baby girl, I knew that I never
wanted to try again. I had already lost so many; I didn’t wish to take the
chance of it happening again.”
When I finish, Jaxon drops to his knees right in front of me, like his legs
can’t hold him up anymore. “No baby.” He barely whispers. There’s
torment in his eyes and I can’t stand the look.
He walks on his knees the remaining feet separating us. I pull my legs
apart so he fits better against me. He rests his head against my stomach and
wraps his arms tightly around me. After a few minutes, he lifts his head and
looks up at me.
“I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry you went through that. I’m so sorry I
can’t fix what happened to you. I’m so fucking sorry that I wasn’t there.”
He finishes with kissing my stomach.
I sniff and rub the last of my tears from my face. Running my fingers
through his hair I tell him, “What did you do with the box?” I had noticed it
was gone while I was telling my story.
His voice is hard again when he speaks. “It’s outside. I wanted to trash
it but figured the cops might need it.” I nod my head, knowing the best
thing to do is call the cops. I’m not sure if it’ll help, but Jaxon said he was
good friends with the Sheriff so I hope he’s able to do something.
“What am I going to do, Jaxon? I’m so scared.” My voice is so small
that I know he barely hears me.
He puts his hands on both sides of my face, forcing me to look at him.
“First, we’re going to call the cops and make a report. Steven seems smart
enough to not leave fingerprints, but there’s always a chance that he was
careless. Second, I’m going to talk to the Sheriff and see what we can do,
get him to run a background check on him. I’m also going to make a few
calls to those acquaintances in the FBI I told you about. There’s got to be
something out there that proves he’s not the upstanding citizen he likes to
portray. We’ll get him, Angel, one way or another.”
The determination in his voice helps lessen my anxiety. I have no doubt
that Jaxon will do whatever it takes to bring Steven down.
“I’m going to take a shower,” I inform him. I need to do something to
help wash away the memories. Taking a scalding hot shower and rubbing
my body raw will hopefully help.
Jaxon sits back only to lean over until his lips brush mine softly.
Pushing back, he gets to his feet extending his hand to help me up as well.
When I’m standing, he pulls me in arms. I bury my face in his hard chest
and breathe him in. Over the top of my head Jaxon says, “While you’re in
the shower I’ll call the cops and make a few other calls.”
I nod my head and pull back. Making my way to Jaxon’s bedroom I
grab some sweat pants and one of his t-shirts. Once in the master bathroom
I turn the water on hot and strip my clothes off. When I step into the
shower, I hiss at the blast of hot water that hits my body. I grab a washcloth,
squirt some cucumber melon soap on it and start vigorously scrubbing my
body. I scrub and scrub until my body aches. I can see the blood coming to
the surface just under my skin in splotches.
It doesn’t work. No matter how hard I scrub the memories and filth
won’t wash away. I drop the rag and sink to the floor with the water still
blasting all over my body. I raise my knees in front of my chest, wrap my
arms around them, and lay my head against the top of my knees. The
uncontrollable sobs are back and I can’t push them away.
I hear the shower door open and then a curse. I glance up at Jaxon.
“Jesus Christ, Bailey. What are you doing?” Jaxon reaches across to turn
the water off, but yanks his hand back from the heat. “Fuck!” He quickly
grabs a hand towel and wraps it around his hand and turns the dial until the
water is off. He drops the hand towel, grabs a bigger one and bends to
scoop me up into his arms.
Once outside the shower, he wraps a towel around my shoulders and
starts to dry me off. I whimper at the contact of the towel against my
reddened and sore skin and Jaxon immediately stops.
“Goddamn it! Why did you do this to yourself?” Jaxon scolds me and
starts to lightly pat the towel against my skin. I begin to shiver from
stepping out of the hot shower into the air-conditioned bathroom. The
bathroom is so thick with steam that I can barely see anything.
My teeth chatter when I reply. “It’s t-the only w-way I c-can f-feel clean
again. B-but it didn’t w-work. N-no matter how m-much I scrubbed the f-
filth wouldn’t g-go away.” I start to cry again.
“Oh Angel.” Jaxon replies and bends to pick me up underneath my legs
and back. Walking into the bedroom, he gently places me on the bed and
runs back to the bathroom for my clothes, another towel, and a jar of some
kind of cream. Jaxon removes the towel draped over my shoulders and
slowly starts to apply the cream all over my burnt body. Afterward, he
gently starts dressing me, trying to avoid the clothing from rubbing against
my skin. My shivers have died down some, but I still feel cold. Going to the
closet, he grabs one of his hoodies and puts that on me as well.
My skin is still very sensitive, but the warmth of the clothes helps hold
in my body heat. Jaxon sits behind me on the bed with his legs on either
side of mine and starts to dry my hair. Once it’s reasonably dry and not
dripping anymore, he puts his arms around me and tugs me backwards until
I am resting against him.
“How long have you been taking hot showers like that?” He asks in my
ear.
I answer in a small voice. “Since I was a little girl. When my parents
had their parties and their friends got a hold of me, I would always feel so
dirty afterwards. The only thing that helped was a scalding hot shower and
scrubbing my body as hard as I could handle. I stopped when I left home
and for the first few months of being with Steven but when he started his
games I had to start taking them again.”
Jaxon kisses the side of my neck before replying. “Angel, that wasn’t
just a hot shower I walked in on. I don’t see how you don’t have seconddegree burns. I couldn’t even touch the water and I don’t see how you were
able to breathe through the steam. Promise me you won’t don’t do that
again. You scared the shit out of me.”
I knew that my hot showers were a little too much, but it was truly the
only way that helped me stay clean all those years. I feel sorry for scaring
him. I turn my head and nuzzle my face into his neck.
“I’m sorry I worried you. The hot showers were my coping mechanism,
but I’ll try and tone it down a bit in the future. I know they aren’t good for
me, but I was desperate to feel clean again after seeing what was in the box.
Seeing that decimated doll brought everything back to me.”
“I understand, Angel, but if you ever feel the need to take one, please
come to me first. Talk to me and I’ll do everything it takes for you to
overcome the dirty.”
I nod my head against his neck. “Okay.”
My body is worn out from the heat and abuse of the shower and my
eyes start to drift shut. Right before I succumb to sleep, I hear a knock
coming from the front door.
“That’s the police,” Jaxon says and slowly pulls away from me.
All I want to do is get into bed with Jaxon holding me and sleep, but I
know that we have to make a report first. I get up and follow Jaxon out of
the bedroom to the front door. After looking out the peep whole Jaxon
opens the door and I’m surprised to see Mac on the other side.
He’s dressed casually with a button up hunter green shirt and a pair of
dark jeans. On one hip is a badge and on the other is a holster carrying a
gun. My jaw drops. This must be the sheriff that’s a good friend Jaxon was
talking about.
“I didn’t know you were a cop,” I say dumbfounded.
Both Mac and Jaxon chuckle, making me feel even more like an idiot. I
frown at my lack of knowledge.
“Don’t feel bad, Bailey. In a town like this it’s not very often I have to
wear a gun and badge. Now, why don’t y’all tell me what’s going on here.”
Turning to Jaxon, he says. “You said something about a package.”
I stay behind when Jaxon leads Mac out onto the porch. No way am I
looking in that box again. I shudder at the memory. Walking into the
kitchen, I decide to make a pot of coffee. After searching for a few minutes,
I find everything that I need. The kitchen smells of fresh coffee by the time
Jaxon and Mac come into the kitchen.
Jaxon walks to my side and places his arm around me. Mac stands
across from us.
“Bailey, hunny, I know it’s hard for you to talk about it, but I need you
to tell me about your husband Steven. Jaxon’s filled me in some, but I need
to hear it from you.”
I look to Jaxon and he gives me an encouraging smile. “It’s okay,
Angel. I’ll be right here with you.
After making all three of us a cup of coffee we take our mugs and sit at
the table. For the next half hour I tell Mac everything about Steven, leaving
nothing out. He takes notes and interrupts me a few times to ask questions. I
watch while Mac’s jaw begin’s to tick during the more gruesome parts,
noticing as his eyes get hard. The whole time Jaxon is at my side and I feel
the tension radiating off him.
By the time I’m done my brain is exhausted and a mess. I know that it’s
necessary for me to tell Mac what happened with Steven, but it’s still hard
to speak about. I went from having no one but Chris knowing about the
mess of my life to six people knowing.
“Okay, I think that’s enough. I’m going to go to the station and run a
background on Steven. I’m also going to make a few phone calls to find his
movements within the last several days; credit card statements, cash
withdrawals, etc. I’ll also ask around town to see if anyone new has been
lurking about.”
He closes his little notepad and gets up from the table. When he picks
up the coffee mug to take to the kitchen, I stop him. “Don’t worry about
that, I’ll get it.”
Walking him to the door, we all stop and Jaxon reaches his hand out for
Mac to shake. “Thanks for coming all the way out here, Mac. Keep us
posted on what you find out.”
“Will do. In the meantime, keep an eye out. If you see anything
suspicious or if he contacts you again, Bailey, give me a call. This guy
seems like a real nut job.” He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a
card and hands it to me. “My mobile and office number are on there.”
“Thank you, Mac.” On an impulse, I walk over to him and place a small
kiss on his cheek.
I go to step back, but Mac grabs my arm lightly. “I’m so sorry for
everything you’ve been through but don’t worry. We’ll catch the sick son of
a bitch and he’ll pay for all he’s put you through.”
I have no idea what happened between Mia and him, but I do know that
Mac’s a good guy. Whatever the issue is I hope they eventually work it out.
Anyone would be lucky to have him.
After saying our goodbyes, Jaxon closes the door, locks it, and sets the
alarm. Turning to me, he bends to my level, places both hands on my
cheeks, and looks straight into my eyes. “How are you doing?”
Scrunching up my face to show him my distaste of the whole matter I
tell him honestly. “I hate talking about it, but I know I have to. It gets a little
easier each time I rehash it.”
Jaxon gets closer and kisses my lips softly. Pulling back, he asks me,
“Are you hungry or do you want to go straight to bed?”
My stomach is in knots so I don’t know if I can handle food right now. I
tell him as much and we make our way to the bedroom.
Once inside, we both strip down for bed, I decide to wear one of Jaxon’s
t-shirts and Jaxon in nothing. I never thought I would enjoy sleeping with a
naked guy, but I wouldn’t have it any other way with Jaxon. I still haven’t
worked up the courage to prance in front of him naked though.
Slipping into bed, I immediately make my way over to his side. After he
is situated he holds out his arms to me. I lay my head on his chest, throw
my arm around his waist, and my leg goes on top of his. He pulls me closer
until I’m plastered against his body from head to toe, just the way I like it.
I fall asleep wrapped in a big, warm, and safe Jaxon cocoon.
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Nineteen
Jaxon and I both are doing last minute chores at the bar before heading
home. He’s in his office finishing up the rest of his daily paperwork and I’m
wiping the counter down and putting away the dishes from the dishwasher.
It’s one in the morning and I’m drained. It was hectic tonight and I’m ready
to settle down and relax.
Mac was in earlier, much to Mia’s dislike, to tell us that nothing came
up on Steven’s background check. This information didn’t really surprise
me since he’s a public defender and, as such, probably wouldn’t still be a
public defender if there were incriminating information in his past. He also
said that he couldn’t find any traces of his credit card being used outside of
his town. No cash withdrawals either. And no one’s seen anyone of
suspicion hanging around. No fingerprints were found on the box. All of
this was discouraging, but came as no surprise. Steven isn’t stupid. He
won’t leave trails behind. Mac reiterated for me not to worry and that he
still had a couple things he wanted to look into.
Anna left today to surprise Nick with a visit. She was so excited when
she stopped by the house this morning to say goodbye. I’m so happy for her
that she finally got the opportunity to be with him while out of town. She
may not be able to go with him every time, but even every once in a while
will make a big difference.
I spoke with Chris a couple of times and filled her in on current events.
She was, of course, upset and threatened again to come up. It took some
work, but I finally got her to agree to wait until she had originally planned
to visit.
I feel a slight slap on my butt and turn around squealing. Andrew is
standing there with a towel twisted getting ready to flick me with it again. I
narrow my eyes at him, daring him to do it again. He looks at me with an
adorable innocent face, but we both know it’s fake. Andrew is anything but
innocent.
“What? It wasn’t me, I swear! It was that guy.” He throws his hand over
his shoulder pointing with his thumb and ever so naturally throws the towel
over his shoulder as well.
Knowing that no one is behind him I keep my eyes fixed on him. An
idea forms in my head.
“So, you like to play games, huh?” I casually walk closer to him and he
eyes me cautiously. Just before I reach him I stop. “You look at little hot,
Andrew. I think you need to cool off.” I quickly reach over and grab the
sprayer from the sink and direct it at him and pull the trigger. A hard blast
of water hits him square in the chest.
The look on his face is priceless. I don’t know what’s funnier; his
expression or the fact that I one-upped him. I drop the sprayer and double
over in laughter.
“Oh, you’ll pay for that, beautiful,” Andrew says as I stand back up,
trying to compose myself. He starts towards me and I turn to flee. I only get
a couple of feet before he has his strong arms wrapped around me and is
tickling my ribs. I howl in laughter and squirm to try and get free.
A strong masculine voice filled with mirth interrupts our teasing. “What
are you doing with your hands all over my woman? Go get your own girl.”
Andrew drops his arms and we both turn to see Jaxon standing there
with a smirk on his face.
“Well, hello there sexy. If I didn’t know better I would say you’re
jealous of Bailey here. Don’t you worry, baby, there’s more of Andrew to
go around.” He says in his equally masculine voice. He finishes his
ridiculous spiel with a wink at Jaxon.
I laugh at Andrew’s antics. Jaxon chuckles and shakes his head. “Maybe
next time.”
Andrew fist pumps the air and hisses. “Yesss!” Knowing that it would
never happen.
“Are you ready to go? We have to get up early tomorrow.” Jaxon asks
as he walks up to me.
Jaxon’s mom is hosting a bar-b-cue tomorrow while the weather is still
reasonable, and most of the town is invited. We promised we would come
early to help her set up.
“Yep, just let me get my purse.” I bend down and grab my purse from
under the bar.
“Need anything from upstairs?”
“Yeah, I wanted to grab a few more items of clothes.”
Before leaving the bar Andrew grabs my hand to stop me. “I meant to
ask you earlier. How are you holding up?”
I ended up telling Andrew everything yesterday at work. We’ve grown
closer the past several weeks and it didn’t feel right keeping something this
big from him, especially with Steven being so unpredictable.
“I’m hanging in there. I haven’t heard from him in a couple of days. I
hate not knowing what his next move is. There’s no telling what he’ll do
next.”
“Well, whatever it is you know you’re surrounded by people that want
to help, including me. Don’t be afraid to ask for it. Promise me.”
I kiss his cheek and whisper in his ear, “I promise. And thank you for
being such a wonderful friend.”
After we leave the bar we head upstairs where I gather a few things and
put them in a small travel bag. Locking the door behind us, we head out to
Jaxon’s truck. The motion of the ride and the very long and busy day has
my eyes drifting closed. I wake again to the feel of Jaxon carrying me in his
arms into the house.
“You can put me down. I can walk now.” I mumble sleepily.
“Nope, not gonna happen. I like having you in my arms.”
I snuggle deeper into him while he walks through the house and into his
bedroom. He doesn’t stop to put me down until we reach the bathroom. I’m
so tired that I stumble a little when he lowers me to my feet. Jaxon steadies
me and reaches to turn the shower on.
“Come on, let’s get you clean and into bed.”
I reach for the bottom of my shirt, but Jaxon bats my hands away. “Let
me.” He removes my shirt first, then my pants, bra, and panties. His hands
are slow and his gaze is appreciative and I know he likes what he’s
revealing. I’m left standing there naked and just a tad bit uncomfortable.
Stepping back from me he watches my eyes as he takes off his clothes
next and I forget about my modesty and my tiredness. I’m completely
awake now.
My eyes trial after each body part that is exposed. My breath catches
when he’s standing in front of me in the buff. This man is so breathtaking
that it amazes me every time I see his naked form.
“Like what you see, Angel?” He asks me, already knowing what my
answer will be. There is no way this man cannot know how hot he is. How I
got so lucky will forever be a mystery to me.
After roaming his body, I bring my eyes back up to his and see a smirk
on his face. “You have to know how utterly beautiful you are, Jaxon.”
He takes a step towards me. “Beautiful, huh? Don’t know if I like that
word, unless it's in reference to you.”
I watch as he takes another step closer to me. “Hmm...how about
handsome, hot, completely breathtaking? Would those words work for
you?”
He’s standing in front of me now and he molds his body to mine,
wrapping his arms around my waist and burying his face in my neck to take
a nibble.
“They’ll do.” He mumbles there. “Now, get in the shower before I have
my way with you on the bathroom counter.
His words send a thrill through my body. I definitely wouldn’t mind him
having his way with me on the counter, but I feel icky with sweat from a
hard day’s work.
Stepping in the shower, I release a sigh as the warm water hits my body.
It’s not my usual hot shower, but it feels good regardless.
Jaxon steps in behind me and grabs the coconut shampoo bottle. After
squirting some in his palm, he instructs me to turn around. I do so gladly,
loving the thought of him washing my hair. He lathers my hair and
massages my scalp gently, then washes away the suds. Grabbing the
matching conditioner he runs his fingers through the strands and then rinses
that as well. Next, as all men tend to do, he quickly and carelessly washes
his own hair, skipping the conditioner.
Jaxon grabs a wash cloth and applies my favorite cucumber melon soap
to it and works it into a soapy lather. Stepping up to me, he commences to
washing my body, starting first with my neck and slowly working his way
down my chest, stomach, and legs. He hands linger on my breasts and my
private area.
“Gotta make sure I clean them good,” He says and gives me a wink.
He picks up each foot and runs the rag over the bottom and even
between my toes, which causes me to giggle.
“Turn around.”
I turn my back to him and feel the rag working its way back up my legs.
When he reaches my bottom Jaxon drops the rag and I feel his bare fingers
touch my center. My breath catches and I let out a soft moan. He doesn’t
put his finger inside me, just lightly stroking me from my clit to my
opening.
“Lean forward, Angel, and brace your hands on the wall. Spread your
legs for me.” He says in a husky voice.
I do what he says, which leaves me bent at the waist with my butt in his
face. A shiver runs through me at the thought of what he’s going to do.
My head drops and I release another moan when I feel his lips kissing
and skimming across my butt cheeks. Both of his thumbs go to my opening
to spread me open.
“I’ve wanted to taste this pretty pussy since the first time I saw you. Are
you ready?”
Feeling bold, I push my backside towards his face and gasp out a, “Oh
God, yes! Please, Jaxon!”
He chuckles lightly.
The first contact of his tongue running over my clit has me crying out
and my body bucking.
“Easy, baby,” Jaxon says in a gruff voice.
Grabbing a hold of my hips to steady me, he trails his tongue back over
my clit and down to my opening. He slips the tip inside before pulling back
out and making his way back to my clit, where he latches his lips around it
and sucks, hard. I clench my hands into fists against the shower wall and
cry out again.
Jaxon takes one of his hands and reaches up to grab my breast and flick
my hard nipple. His other goes under me and finds my clit. Using his
thumb, he starts rubbing it in a circular motion. His lips and tongue have
moved back to my opening. While one hand is tweaking my nipple and the
other thumbing my clit Jaxon starts fucking me with his tongue, moving it
in and out.
My body is in sensory overload and won’t last much longer. When
Jaxon has his tongue in me and starts swirling it around, it sends me over
the edge. I cry out my orgasm and scream his name.
Once my body has settled Jaxon stands back up and brings my back
flush against his front. I feel his hardness against my lower back.
“That was so fucking sexy.” He growls in my ear.
With one hand wrapped around my middle Jaxon takes his other and
places it around my neck, gently applying pressure until I turn my head
towards him. He runs his tongue over my lips and kisses me softly.
He reaches down to move his hard shaft until it’s between my legs. I
feel it between my folds resting against my clit, which sends another shock
wave through me. On instinct, I clench my legs around him, trapping him.
He lets off a low groan and starts moving his hips. Although he’s not inside
me the wetness from me and the shower and my legs squeezing him I know
that it has to feel good for him.
All of a sudden Jaxon spins me around and lifts me up. I immediately
wrap my legs around his hips and my arms go around his neck. His thick
cock slides inside me in one powerful movement. He slams his mouth down
on mine and ravishes my mouth. My back hits the wall and he starts
pounding his hips forward.
This is different than all the other times we’ve made love. This isn’t
making love, this is fucking. This is pure, raw need. And I love it. I love
that Jaxon’s control has let loose. I know he worries that he’ll hurt or scare
me, but what he doesn’t realize is that I have absolutely no fear of him. For
him to lose control in the bedroom, or in this instance the bathroom, is
something I look forward to, which is something I never thought I would
do. It’s liberating and freeing.
Jaxon’s ruthless pounding continues. He has a hold of my butt and each
time he thrust forward, he pulls my body to him. With each push forward
his pubic bone slams against my clit. Every few pushes he grinds me down
on him, which sends even more shocks to my clit. His hips hit so hard
against mine that I may end up with bruises tomorrow, but I don’t care. It
feels too damn good to care.
After several more minutes, my body can take no more and I shatter
into a thousand pieces. Jaxon throws his head back and gives off a guttural
growl to signal his own release.
My breathing is heavy and my head is resting against the wall when
Jaxon comes back to reality.
“Shit, Angel, are you okay? I didn’t mean to lose control like that.”
I pick my head up and look at him. “It’s okay, Jaxon. I liked that you
lost control. I like knowing I do that to you. You don’t scare me.”
Using one hand, he wipes my wet hair from my face and bends to place
a soft kiss against my lips.
“Come on. Let’s get out and dried off before the water gets cold.”
Releasing the grip my legs have on his hips, I drop them to the floor.
Jaxon shuts the water off and we both step of the shower. He dries me off
first and then himself. I ask him to grab me a shirt, but he just shakes his
head.
“No, I want to feel your bare skin against mine tonight.”
Still feeling nervous prancing in front of him naked but liking the idea
of having a naked Jaxon against a naked me, I nod my head.
We settle into bed with him against my back and his arms wrapped
tightly around me.
OceanofPDF.com
The next day has us all hanging out in Lilly’s backyard, laughing and
talking. The weather is beautiful and the atmosphere is light. Jaxon is busy
manning the grill with Mac, Andrew, and a few other guys. It’s funny to
watch Andrew. He’s in his glory surround by a bunch of good looking men.
He flirts relentlessly with each of them. None of them take it to heart and
humor him.
Lilly, Mia and I are currently setting the tables outside with cutlery, food
items, and anything else we may need. Tricia walks up carrying a big bowl
of potato salad.
“I wonder how Anna is doing. Have any of you talked to her?” She sets
the salad down on the table.
“She stopped by before she left yesterday. She couldn’t wait to leave.
This is sort of like a vacation for her. She hasn’t had a lot of opportunities to
leave Jaded Hollow.” Lilly says.
“She came by Jaxon’s yesterday morning as well and I spoke to her
again yesterday afternoon while she was on the road. She’s so excited! I’ll
give her a couple days before I try calling her. I’m sure Nick was surprised
and wants to keep her all to himself for a while”
We all laugh because we know exactly what Nick and Anna will be
doing for the next couple days.
I pick up my wine and take a sip as I look out to all the people milling
about. Off to the left I see Jake and Jack bickering as usual. Those two grate
on each others nerves, but you can tell they share a close friendship.
Next I see Sarah, Michael, and Maddie on a playground set. Maddie and
Sarah are on the swings and Michael and another little boy are in the
sandbox. They both bend their heads and whisper to each other. They each
get up and run over to the girls and squirt them with the water guns they
had hidden behind their back. The girls start squealing and running away
with the boys chasing after them.
I laugh at their playfulness and am glad they have a normal childhood. I
never had boys chasing me with water guns.
Hunter is standing with Ethan and Jesse talking.
There are still several people that I don’t know and some that I was
introduced to once they arrived.
My gaze next moves to Jaxon, who is watching me. He gives me a
small smile and a wink. I smile back at him and blow him a kiss. I’m
amazed at how comfortable I feel in this setting. Weeks ago I would have
been scared and nervous being in a crowd. Now the flutters and anxiety are
gone. Jaxon and the people of Jaded Hollow have made this so.
I look over to Mia and see her shooting razor sharp daggers at Mac. I
walk over to stand beside her.
“So, what’s up with you and Mac?” I ask her casually.
She looks at me and mumbles, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.
“Oh, come on, Mia. I can see the sparks fly between the two of you
even if you both like to try to hide it.” I know I’m pushing, but I can’t help
it. It is clear they have feelings for each other. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t
have such animosity between them.
Mia looks to me for a minute before replying, “Okay, how about this? I
don’t want to talk about it. It’s nothing personal, Bailey, I never talk about
what happened between Mac and me. It hurts too much so I try to forget
about it.”
The pain in her eyes and the bitterness in her voice makes me
withdrawal my inquiry. I’ve been in her shoes before, hell, I’m still wearing
them. Having people ask about my past is hard. Talking about it makes it
fresh. Yes, it’s gotten easier, but that doesn’t mean she’s ready.
“Okay, sweetie, I get it. But please know that I’m here for you if you
need me. You were there for me and I’d like to return the favor if you
want.” I reach over and squeeze her hand.
“Thank you.” She says.
Just then I feel an arm wrap around me and we both turn our heads to
see Jaxon and Mac standing behind us. My eyes dart to Mia, whose eyes
have become hard.
“I’ll see you later, Bailey.” She says before walking off.
I turn in Jaxon’s arms and plant a kiss on his lips. It was supposed to be
a quick, innocent peck but Jaxon slips his tongue inside for a slow lingering
kiss.
We break apart and I glance over at Mac, who I forgot was there. He’s
standing there watching Mia walk away with a longing expression. He
shakes his head and looks back at the both of us. His eyes land on me and
he gives me a soft smile. I smile back at him and I know he sees the
sympathy on my face.
Jaxon breaks the silence. “Mac has some information for us, Angel.”
“As you know, I couldn’t find any suspicious movements on Steven’s
credit cards or bank accounts. I decided to branch out a little and look into
some of his friends. I found a couple of them had withdrawn a decent size
amount of money a couple weeks ago. I also found a few transactions made
about halfway between here and Georgia. Now, this doesn’t prove that he’s
here, although I believe he is, it does give reasonable suspicion. I’ve looked
up his photo on the internet and I’ve got several people out looking for
him.”
This information doesn’t help much with figuring out what Steven’s
next move is but it’s still something. At least we have a picture of Steven
out and about. When I left, I didn’t take anything reminding me of him with
me, including any photographs. I’m glad Mac thought to look online for
one.
“What do we do now?” Jaxon asks Mac.
“There’s nothing you can do now. Just stay vigilant. Hopefully, he’ll
show his face soon and we can nab him.”
A few minutes later Hunter, who took over grill duty, announces that the
food is ready. We all gather around the table and pile our plates full of food.
There are burgers, brats, homemade potato salad, coleslaw, chips of every
kind, baked beans, and a multitude of drinks and desserts. I help Tricia set
the kids up with plates and set them on the smaller picnic table.
Bar-b-cues at the Walker resident is loud and crazy. Everyone talks to
everyone and no one is left out. Even the kids are blabbering about. It’s one
of the best gatherings I’ve been to.
Once everyone is finished eating, the woman start cleaning up while the
men help entertain the kids. I’m standing in front of the sink shoveling food
remnants in the garbage disposal when Lilly walks up.
“I see you’ve finally decided to open up to Jaxon.”
I look over to her and see a bright smile on her face.
“He hasn’t told me what you told him, just said that you had reason to
be cautious. Even if he hadn’t told me you talked to him I would already
know. I can tell by the way you are with him now. You’re more relaxed and
open.”
“I did. It was hard and painful, but he has a right to know.” She just
watches me for a few minutes. I don’t know if she expects me to tell her as
well. As if she’s read my thoughts she drapes her arm around my shoulders.
“You don’t have to tell me, dear, but if you ever want to I’m more than
willing to listen. From what you said it seems as though you didn’t have a
good mother figure in your life. I know you’re an adult now and don’t
necessarily need it, but if you’d like I’d like to fill the role.”
My eyes become watery at her statement. She’s right; I didn’t have a
good mother figure. As a child, I always dreamed of having a wonderful
and caring mom, but I learned early on that is wasn’t possible and my
dreams finally went away.
I reach over and grab her in my arms. Resting my head on her shoulder,
I say in her hair, “Thank you. I’d really like that.”
She steps back from me and I finish smashing up food in the disposal
while she puts leftovers away in the fridge.
An hour later the sun is setting and Jaxon and I get ready to leave. After
spending another thirty minutes saying our goodbyes, we hop in his truck
and head home.
By the time we make it to Jaxon’s the sun is down and the moon is
shining bright. When we walk hand in hand up to the front porch, I notice a
folded piece of paper stuck to the door. Jaxon snatches it down and unfolds
it.
“What’s it say?” I ask him.
“Fuck!” Jaxon says and then releases my hand. I watch as he balls it
into a fist, rears back, and punches the door.
I jump at the loud sound. Jaxon notices and quickly pulls me in his arms
all the while unlocking the door and rushing me inside. He closes it behind
us and sets the alarm. He then finally hands me the paper.
I look down at it and immediately recognize the familiar handwriting.
You’ve touched what’s mine. Now, I take what’s yours.
My hand shakes as I clutch the paper tightly. I glance up at Jaxon and
see him pacing. He has his hands running through his hair and he’s visibly
agitated. He’s barely holding onto his control.
“What are we going to do?” I whisper, but he still hears me.
He comes to me and brings me into his arms. Resting my head against
his chest, I feel it rumble when he talks.
“Don’t worry, Angel. I won’t let him get to you. You're mine and I
protect and keep safe what’s mine.” His words were meant to reassure me,
but they don’t. I don’t doubt Jaxon means what he says and he’ll do
whatever it takes to keep me safe, but I’m still scared. Jaxon doesn’t realize
the extent Steven will go through to get what he wants.
We pull apart, but he doesn’t release me. He holds my gaze with his
mesmerizing eyes before kissing my forehead.
“I promise you, Bailey, he won’t get to you. You have my word. Do you
believe me?” There’s worry in his eyes and I know it’s there because he
wants me to believe him.
I want to believe him. I answer his question the only way that will help
ease his worry.
“I believe you.”
He gives me a nod and lets me go.
“I’m going to go call Mac and let him know what’s happened. Why
don’t you go grab a glass of wine and a beer for me and meet me in front of
the fireplace?”
I walk away towards the kitchen and do what he suggests. After the
stress of the letter, it will be nice sitting in front of a roaring fire snuggled
up with Jaxon.
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Twenty
Jaxon and I are sitting out on his back deck sipping coffee. The sun has just
risen and the birds are chirping. This has become our morning routine. It’s
peaceful out here and we both enjoy the quiet. Sometimes we sit in a
comfortable silence while other times we talk about anything and
everything.
It’s been a couple days since we received the letter and there’s been
nothing since. All has been quiet. Yesterday morning Mac stopped by to
pick up the letter. He called last night to let us know there were no prints on
it. He has a forensic team going over it for any clues that might lead them to
Steven. Now we're at a standstill.
“Once this is over I want to take you somewhere,” Jaxon says
interrupting my thoughts.
“Where are we going?” I ask him.
He brings my hand up that he’s holding and kisses the back of it. With
his mouth still on the back of my hand he says, “Anywhere you want to go.
Is there any place you’ve always wanted to travel to?”
I think for a minute and settle on the one place that’s always fascinated
me.
“Okay, don’t laugh, but I’ve always wanted to visit New York City. I
know it’s not the usual place for someone to want to visit, but I’ve always
wanted to see Time Square, the Statue of Liberty, Central Park, China
Town, and ride over the Brooklyn Bridge.”
He chuckles lightly. “Hmm...that’s definitely not what I expected. I
figured you would say Hawaii or Vegas. But New York it is. We’ll spend a
week there and visit all the places you want to see.”
Getting excited about the idea of finally seeing New York, I jump up
and straddle him. I bounce up and down on his lap and he laughs at my silly
behavior.
“Really? We’re really going to take a trip to New York?” My voice is
loud and I can’t contain my happiness.
His smile is huge when he replies, “Yes, we can take a trip to New York.
And if I would have known you would do a happy dance in my lap I would
have suggested it sooner.” He wiggles his eyebrows at me.
I give him my best smile and lower my head to give him a searing kiss.
We’re both breathless by the time I pull away.
“Thank you.” I say against his lips.
“Anything for you, Angel.”
Before I can stop myself the three little words that I’ve been too scared
to say slip out of my mouth. I’ve thought them and felt them, but I haven’t
said them yet.
“I love you.”
Jaxon closes his eyes and breathes out a soft whoosh of air. When he
opens them again, he looks at me with such tender affection. He places both
of his hands on either side of my jaw and rubs my upper cheeks with his
thumbs.
“It’s about damn time you’ve said that. I’ve waited and waited to hear
those three words so I could say them back to you. I love you, Angel.”
I smack his chest playfully and tell him, “Well, you could have said
them first, you know.”
He shakes his head at that. “No, I couldn’t. It would have just scared
you off. I’ve been bidding my time, trying to wear you down. And look, it
paid off. You love me.” He gives me a cheeky grin.
I grin back at him. “You really love me?”
“You bet your ass I do. I have for a while now.”
His confession has me bursting with happiness. Jaxon actually loves
me. Me, the broken and scarred girl with a past that’s still trying to destroy
her. A past that has the potential to destroy him. The thought brings my
high a little lower. We still have some major issues we have to get through
before we can truly be happy.
After our leisurely time on the porch, we come inside to rinse out our
coffee mugs and get ready for the day. Jaxon decides since the weather is
still holding up, he wants to take us for a ride on his bike. He instructs me to
pack a light lunch. I do and a few minutes later with our lunch packed away
in his saddle bags we take off.
He takes us back to the lake, where he took me the night he heard from
his father. The one time I was here it was dark so I wasn’t able to appreciate
the beauty of it. Now, with the sun sending sparkles across the water and
the ducks wading and dipping their heads in it’s absolutely breathtaking.
With the fall colors of yellows, oranges, and reds the trees are stunning.
They surround the lake on all sides except the side we’re currently on,
which has a clearing. Off to the side is a dock with an old boat at the end.
“Oh wow! I didn’t realize the last time we were here how beautiful it
is.” I turn to him and give him a smile.
He smiles at me in return and then grabs our lunch and a small blanket
out of the saddle bags. Making our way closer to the water line he sets the
basket containing our lunch down and spreads out the blanket. We sit and I
start pulling out finger sandwiches, fresh cut fruit, cheese, crackers, and two
bottles of water.
After we finish our lunch Jaxon gestures for me to come closer. I scoot
in between his legs. With my back to his front, his legs on either side of my
hips, and his arms surrounding me we look out to the water.
There are several white Pekin ducks floating close to the shore. I watch
as one by one they slowly make their way closer to us.
“Will they come to us?” I ask Jaxon quietly so I don’t scare them off.
“Watch and see.” He says just as softly in my ear. I feel Jaxon shift
slightly and a few seconds later he holds out a couple top layers of our
sandwiches. I break apart a few pieces and hold them out in my hand.
A couple of the ducks waddle closer until they are just out of reach.
They stand there and watch us for a bit. I hold my breath when one closes
the gap between him and my hand. He takes the bread and swallows it
whole. Quickly breaking apart more I hold my hand out again. As if sensing
that it’s safe the rest of them make their way up to us. They nibble their way
through all the bread, every once in a while nipping my palm. I giggle when
they miss their mark and hit my palm. It doesn’t hurt, just tickles a little.
Once all the bread is gone, they waddle back towards the lake, scooping
up water in their beaks once they get there.
“That was so cool! I’ve never fed a duck from my hand before.”
Jaxon laughs in my ear and tightens his arms around me. “They’re
usually pretty friendly. I don’t know why, but even as a child the ducks here
would always come up to us for bread. Normally wild ducks won’t get close
enough to eat from your hand.”
I turn my head and place a kiss on Jaxon’s cheek. “Thank you for
bringing me here.”
“Anytime you want to come just let me know.” He says and nuzzles his
face in the hair at my neck.
We sit for a few minutes in silence until Jaxon breaks it.
“When I was little my dad would bring me here to fish. The boat that’s
at the dock is the same one we used.” He stops talking and I sit there in
silence, waiting for him to continue.
“We would come out right after dawn and spend all day here. I thought I
was the luckiest boy in town those days. Once we were done we would
come home with our catch, clean it, and then we would all have it for
dinner. I was so proud of myself that I could help provide dinner for us.
“The fishing trips stopped when I turned twelve. I don’t know why, but
my dad changed. He withdrew from us all and started acting differently. He
wasn’t the fun loving dad anymore. He turned mean and bitter. Still to this
day, I don’t know why he changed, and neither does my mom.”
I place my arms and hands on top of his that are still around me and lace
our fingers together, squeezing them.
“I’m sorry, Jaxon.” I murmur to him.
“Don’t be sorry, Angel. I got used to it a long time ago. To be honest,
when he left it was a relief. Yes, it hurt who he left with but I was glad he
was gone. The whole house was on tender hooks around him. We were able
to be ourselves again.”
Having grown up with terrible parents I could sympathize with him. No,
his situation wasn’t as dire as mine, but it doesn’t hurt any less. To have a
parent neglect you when they are supposed to love you unconditionally
hurts all the same, no matter what the situation may be.
We sit for a bit longer just enjoying the view before we get up and start
packing away our stuff to make our trek back home.
It’s Friday night and the bar is packed once again. The juke box is
blasting “Demons” by Imagine Dragon and everyone is dancing, drinking,
and is in good spirits. Mia, Andrew, and I are behind the bar busting our
butts trying to keep up with orders. As Jaxon’s Pub doesn’t have waitresses
each person that wants a drink has to come to the bar. Just when I finish one
drink order another comes up. I contemplate talking to Jaxon about hiring
on a couple waitresses for Friday and Saturday nights. It’ll help lessen the
stress of us behind the bar.
“Hey, baby, can you get me a shot of Jack, and one for yourself?” A
deep voice asks from behind me.
I turn to see a man probably in his mid-thirties with dark brown hair.
His gold colored eyes are looking me up and down and it sends a cold
shiver down my back.
I grab a shot glass and splash some Jack in it before sliding it across to
him.
“Sorry, but I don’t drink,” I tell him.
He gives off a laugh, tosses the shot in his mouth, and slams the glass
back on the bar.
“A bartender that doesn’t drink, huh? Sounds a little hypocritical, don’t
you think?” He’s still eyeing my body and it’s starting to give me the
creeps. He’s not a bad looking man, but the way his eyes are lecherous is
what sends off the warning signals. This man is not a nice person. I’ve had
guys hit on me before since working here, and although they still make me
feel slightly uncomfortable, it’s nothing compared to what this guy makes
me feel. The dirty feeling is creeping back in.
I shrug my shoulders at his question and turn my back to him, but not
before I see a hard edge enter his eyes. A few minutes later I turn back to
see if he’s still there and find that he’s not. Glancing around the bar, I don’t
see him anywhere. Good riddance!
A half hour later I’m so busy that I forget all about the creepy guy with
his lingering gaze. Jaxon came out from his office a few minutes ago to
help.
Another hour passes before there’s finally a lull in the crowd. I take
advantage of it and slip off to the bathroom. Once I finish relieving my
bladder I wash and dry my hands. When I reach for the door, it opens by
itself and a man quickly walks in. Closing the door behind him I
immediately recognize the creepy man from the bar. Before I get a chance
to scream he slams his hand over my mouth and pushes me against the wall.
I turn my head away when he brings his closer to mine. I can smell the
alcohol on his breath and it nearly gags me. Running his nose along my
neck, he whispers in my ear.
“I’ve been waiting awhile to finally meet you, Bailey.”
I whip my head back around when he says my name. I try hard to
remember if I’ve seen him before, but he’s a complete stranger to me. How
does he know my name though?
The sound is pure evil when he laughs in my face. He snakes out his
tongue and runs it from the bottom of my jaw, up my cheek, and over my
scar.
“We’re going to have so much fun later, you and I.” I become paralyzed
when he says that. He must be a friend of Steven’s. The thought races
through me and I feel sick. I barely manage to hold down what’s in my
stomach.
He reaches down and grabs my breast. He grips my nipple and twists so
hard I let out a whimper. Finally releasing it, he takes a step back and says,
“I’ll see you later, baby.” He gives me a wink and steps out of the
bathroom.
I take in a much needed breath and sag against the wall. Tears start
welling in my eyes, but I force them back. I need to go out there and tell
Jaxon what happened. Walking over to the sink, I splash water on my face
before leaving the bathroom. I slowly open the door and peek outside.
Seeing no one in the hall, I quickly step out and practically run back to the
front.
I round the corner just as I see Nick walking in the door. I’m surprised
to see him. He wasn’t due back for another few days. What surprises me
even more is that Anna isn’t with him.
We both make it to the bar at the same time and I ask him, “Where’s
Anna?”
He looks at me with confusion. “I was going to ask you the same thing.
Why would she be with me? The job finished up early and I just got into
town. I went by her house and the diner, but she wasn’t there.”
A feeling of dread forms in my lower belly. Before I get a chance to talk
Jaxon starts speaking. “She left a few days ago to surprise you with a visit.
When was the last time you spoke to her?”
“Tuesday afternoon. She told me she was taking on a few extra shifts
and she might not be able to talk much. I thought it was odd that I couldn’t
reach her when I tried calling a few times, but figured she was either at
work or sleeping. She never showed up at the site. What the fuck is going
on?”
“Son of a bitch!” Jaxon explodes. Grabbing my hand and pointing to
Nick he says, “My office now.” He turns to where Mia is standing and
shouts, “Mia, my office,” He then turns and almost drags me in his haste to
get to his office.
As soon as we’re all inside, he slams the door and looks at me. “Call
her, see if she answers.” Next, he turns to Mia and says, “Call mom and see
if she’s heard from Anna.”
We both nod our heads and whip out our phones from our back pockets.
Bringing up her name, I push talk. As the phone rings, I see Jaxon on his
office phone. After several rings, it goes to voicemail. I hit the end button
the same time Jaxon slams the receiver down on his base.
“No answer, it rings until voicemail picks up,” I tell him.
“Mom hasn’t spoken to her since before she left,” Mia says.
My hands fly to my mouth and my eyes immediately start to tear up. I
glance over at Jaxon.
“Oh my God,” I whisper. “He wasn’t talking about me. He was talking
about her.”
My knees give out, but before I hit the floor Jaxon is by my side lifting
me up and settling me down on the couch.
“Would someone please tell me what the fuck is going on? What do you
mean ‘he wasn’t talking about you, he was talking about her’? Where’s
Anna? Does this have something to do with Steven?”
Jaxon stands back up from the crouch he was in and turn to face Nick.
“Nick, man, I need you to take a deep breath and sit down.”
“Fuck you, Jaxon. Tell me where my Anna is.” His voice breaks at the
end and my heart nearly splinters.
Jaxon nods his head before saying quietly, “We think Steven has her.
We didn’t realize until tonight when you came in without her.”
The pain that enters Nick’s eyes has more tears falling from my eyes.
“Why? Why would he take her? I don’t get it.” He asks Jaxon.
Jaxon explains to him what’s happened since he left, ending with the
note that was attached to the door. Nick ends up sitting on the couch
bending over with his elbows on his knees and his hands gripping his hair.
“We thought he was talking about Bailey. His sick, twisted fascination
is with her. It never dawned on us that he would go after someone else.”
Jaxon finishes.
A knock on the door interrupts us. Jaxon walks over to let Mac inside.
He has his gun and badge on again. After a brief glance at Mia, who’s
standing in the corner, he walks over to us. Jaxon explains to him what
happened and our belief that Steven has Mia. After he’s done, I stand from
my seated position and surprise them all by telling them what happened
with the creepy guy.
“Why are you just now telling me this?” Jaxon asks me angrily.
Mia comes to my defense. “She hasn’t had the opportunity yet, Jaxon.
Leave the attitude out of it.”
After looking at Mia for a minute, he brings his eyes back to me. He
pulls me to him and says against my hair, “Sorry, Angel.”
I pull back and cup his jaw. “It’s okay. I didn’t tell you because we need
to focus on Anna right now. She’s more important at the moment. We need
to get her away from him.”
“And keep you safe in the process,” Jaxon adds.
I nod my head, but know it may not be that easy. Their sole focus needs
to be on Anna. She’s the one in immediate danger. My heart squeezes at
what she may be going through right at this moment.
After going through possible places Steven may have taken Anna, Mac
calls in reinforcements. Several uniformed officers show up a few minutes
later. Jaxon is torn between staying behind and protecting me himself or
going out with the search party to look for Anna.
I pull him to the side and make him look at me. “You need to go with
them and look for her. Mac said he would have an officer drive me to your
place and stay with me and I know Andrew will be more than willing to
look after me as well.” I add Andrew in there because I know that will
make Jaxon feel better knowing someone that cares for me will be there to
help protect me.
He still looks tortured, but realizes I’m right. Anna is his sister and he
needs to help in the hunt to find her. If he didn’t, it would drive him crazy
just sitting at home doing nothing.
I give him an encouraging smile. “I’ll be okay, Jaxon. You go out and
bring Anna home, alright?”
He dips his head and slants his mouth over mine in a scorching kiss. His
tongue plunders my mouth like this is his last chance to do so. The kiss is
heated and swoon-worthy, but goes no further.
When we break apart, he grabs my hand and we all walk out of Jaxon’s
office and make our way back up front. Jaxon tells Mia to go ahead and
shut down the bar, even though it’s still half full. Too much is going on at
the moment to keep it open. Andrew has to come with me and Mia can’t be
expected to work the bar in light of her sister being abducted.
Jaxon gestures for Andrew to come over so he can explain what’s
happening. He’s already caught up on everything except for what’s gone
down tonight. Jaxon finishes by asking him to go with me back home to
help protect me.
“Of course man, you know I’ll do anything for her.” His words touch
my heart and I reach over to give his hand a squeeze to show my affection
and gratitude.
Jaxon turns to give me one last kiss.
After pulling away, he rests his forehead against mine. “Stay safe. I’ll be
home as soon as I can. I love you.”
“I love you, too. And please be careful. Steven is extremely tricky and
will use whatever tool he can find, literally and figuratively, to beat you.”
He nods his head and faces Andrew.
“Keep her safe.” He says to him.
“Done.” Is his one-word reply.
When Jaxon starts walking off Andrew calls his name. Jaxon stops and
turns his head. “You stay safe as well.”
Jaxon just gives him a chin lift, turns back around, and moves to stand
beside Mac and Nick. A few minutes later they all walk out the door,
leaving Andrew, Mia, an officer, and myself alone.
OceanofPDF.com
The atmosphere when we reach Jaxon’s house is quiet and tense. The
usual playfulness that radiates off Andrew is no longer present. Mia is more
quiet than usual. Instead of going home, she opted to come back to Jaxon’s
with us. I think that was a great idea. We all need to stick together. The
officer is currently standing by the front door, being ever so vigilant. He
wouldn’t let us enter the house until he did a sweep and deemed it safe. I
am grateful for the carefulness.
Mia spoke with their mom on the way over and let her know what was
going on. The usual strong woman that I am getting to know broke down
over the phone. I could hear her sobs as Mia talked to her.
The guilt that I feel is crushing me. This is my fault. If I hadn’t come to
town, then Anna would be safe and sound, with no cares in the world. I feel
helpless.
Knowing that none of us will be getting any sleep tonight I put on a pot
of coffee and ask if anyone would like something to eat. Everyone says no
to the food, but yes to the coffee.
We all sit around in silence for a couple of hours. No word has come in
yet from Jaxon, Nick, or Mac. We all fidget and can’t stay still for long. The
T.V. has been on for just as long, but no one watches it. Another thirty
minutes pass before I can’t take it anymore.
I jump up from my seat at the bar. “I’m going to take a shower,” I tell
the group.
No one actually pays any attention to me except for Mia. She looks at
me with a worried expression.
After gathering my clothes, I walk into the bathroom and turn the
shower on. Even though I have a big urge to take one of my blistering hot
showers I promised Jaxon I wouldn’t. Yes, I feel dirty again because of
Steven but this isn’t about me, it’s about Anna. I have to stay strong.
After washing my hair and scrubbing down my body, I get out and dry
off. Just before I get dressed my phone dings to indicate an incoming text.
Quickly snatching it off the counter and hoping it’s from Jaxon I bring up
my text app.
My shoulders slump when I realize it’s not Jaxon, but tense up when I
see it’s a picture text from an unknown number. Nothing has ever gone
well for me when an unknown number pops up.
With shaking fingers, I push the button to download the picture. It feels
like it takes ten minutes to download but I know it’s only been a few
seconds. When the picture finally appears on the screen, I almost drop to
my knees at what I see.
It’s Anna, but it’s not. What once was the beautiful, spirited, carefree
girl is now a beaten and bloody mess. The picture is of just her face. I can
see bruises, cuts, and burn marks all along her cheeks, eyes, chin, and
forehead. Her hair is matted and strands of it fall on her face. A sick feeling
forms in my stomach when I see a whitish clearish substance smudged on
her cheeks and lips. Her eyes are barely open and look lifeless.
“Oh Anna, I’m so sorry,” I whisper to no one. A sob escapes my throat.
I know that if she makes it out of this alive, she’ll never be the same again. I
knew what Steven is capable of, but I had hoped, prayed, that it wouldn’t
come to this.
Another ding sounds from my phone and I frantically push the button to
pull up a new text. The next series of texts has me shaking so hard I can
barely hold my phone.
Unknown: If you want her to stay alive then do what I say.
Me: What do you want?
Unknown: You know what I want, My Pet.
I do know what he wants. Me. As much as I don’t want to go to him I
have no choice. I have to get Anna out of there. My body and mind are used
to Steven’s form of torture, Anna’s isn’t. From the looks of her in the
picture, she’s barely hanging on. I would do anything to get her away from
him, even sacrifice myself. That’s what family and friends do.
Taking a deep breath, I sent my next text.
Me: Where?
Unknown: There’s an old hunting lodge off Route 14. Delete these
messages and the picture, and leave your phone. Tell no one and come
alone. You have one hour.
Me: Okay. Please don’t hurt her anymore.
Unknown: If I find you haven’t followed my directions, me and my
friend here will continue to have our fun with Anna. I can’t promise how
much more she can handle.
Me: Okay.
As soon as I send the last text I delete the messages and the picture. I
have to find a way to get out of the house without alerting anyone.
A knock sounds at the door and I hear Mia’s voice through it. “Bailey,
are you okay in there?”
Knowing that I have to put on the performance of a lifetime, I push my
arms into the robe that was hanging on a hook, compose my face as best as
I can, and crack open the door.
I force my lips to resemble a small smile. “Yes, I’m fine. I lost track of
time while I was in the shower. Has there been any word?”
She eyes me suspiciously for a few seconds before replying, “No.”
We stand there watching each other with the door barely open between
us. The air from the bedroom seeps inside the warm bathroom and gives me
chills, reminding me I’m still in my robe. An idea forms in my head.
“I’m going to run out to the garage and grab my bag that has my fresh
clothes. We left them out there the other night when we got home.” I tell her
hoping that she won’t question me.
“I can get them for you.” She says and starts to walk off.
Thinking quickly, I grab her arm through the crack to stop her. “No,
please. I’ll get it. I was wondering if you could make me a sandwich. With
everything that’s happened lately I haven’t been eating much and I’m
starting to get a little shaky.”
Just in time to prove my point my fingers begin to shake on her arm, but
not from lack of food. They're shaking because of what I’m about to do. I
silently send a prayer to God that Mia believes me.
Just before I start to fidget and probably reveal my nerves Mia gives me
a nod and walks off towards the bedroom door.
As soon as she passes through I run from the bathroom, through the
bedroom, and stop at the alarm panel on the wall beside the garage door. I
quickly enter the code and slip through the door and squat down to the bag
just outside. I have to be quick because I know I only have a few minutes
before someone looks for me.
Flinging clothes all over the place, I pick out undergarments, a pair of
worn jeans and a black t-shirt and put them on. I glance over and pick up a
pair of my tennis shoes and put them on, sans socks.
Standing up, I grab a flashlight off a bench and rush to the side door that
leads outside. After unlocking it, I slip outside and start running towards the
road. I don’t have a car, but I know that the hunting lodge isn’t too far. If I
run, I can make it there in time. I know exactly where Steven is at. Jaxon
pointed out the small and barely visible access road to me one day when we
were on our way to work. I haven’t actually seen the hunting lodge, but
Jaxon told me it was there about a mile down the road.
Staying off the road in case someone comes along but close enough that
I don’t get lost I finally make it to the access road. Stopping and doubling
over I try and steady my breathing. Taking several deep breaths, I start
jogging down the small overgrown dirt road. With the light of my
flashlight, I can see tire tracks. Some of the overgrown grass has been
matted down as though it has been traveled on recently.
Just as I’m about to stop to take another breather the road opens up and
I see lights from a window of a cabin. I halt in my tracks and look around.
Just beyond the house I see the tail end of a vehicle. Other than the window
I see no other lights.
I slowly start to walk forward. My breaths are coming in pants and not
just from the harsh run but mostly from fear. I approach the rickety porch
and climb the dilapidated steps. Standing in front of the door, I notice a
ruffle of the curtains off to my right. Lifting my hand, I knock three times.
After several seconds, the door creaks open and standing in front of me
is Steven.
“So nice to see you again, My Pet.” And with that he snakes his hand
around my throat and drags me inside.
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Twenty-one
Jaxon
My fist slams against the dashboard of my truck when I get back inside.
Nothing. Not one Goddamn place we went to tonight has produced any
clues as to where that sick fuck has taken Anna. We’ve been all over town
and searched every place that Steven would have access to. Now we’ve run
out of options. There’s nowhere else to look.
“Fuck!” I roar and grip the steering wheel hard. There’s no telling what
he’s done to her so far. He’s had her for three days now. My sweet innocent
little sister is out there somewhere in the hands of a sadistic bastard.
I pull out my phone and shoot a text to the others to see if they’ve had
any luck. I know it’s pointless though. If they had found her, they would’ve
notified me already.
A couple minutes later confirms it. No one’s found her. Mac sends me
another message to say everyone is going to his place to regroup and go
over their options. Options. What fucking options? There are no more
fucking options!
I crank my truck and pull away from the abandoned barn that sits right
on the outskirts of town. Twenty minutes later I pull up at my house at the
same time as Mac and Nick do. There are already several squad cars parked
throughout the yard.
All three of us quietly make our way to the porch. I glance over at Nick
and from the porch light I can see he looks haggard. His hair is a mess and
his eyes are rimmed with red.
Just as we approach the door, it flings open and Andrew is on the other
side looking worried. A sick feeling hits my gut and I immediately know
something is wrong.
“What happened?” I demand and take a step towards him. Before he has
a chance to answer I barrel past him into the house. I barely notice the
officer that is quietly talking on his phone.
“Angel!” I shout.
Instead of hearing my beautiful Angels voice, I hear Andrew behind me.
“She’s gone.”
I whip around to face him and growl, “What the fuck do you mean she’s
gone? How can she be gone?”
Mac steps up to me and places a hand on my shoulder. “Cool it, Jax.”
I shrug off his hand with an, “Eat shit” before turning my glare back to
Andrew.
“I don’t know man. She was taking a shower when Mia went to go
check on her. She said she was going to the garage to grab some clothes and
asked if Mia would make her a sandwich. Said she wasn’t eating lately
because of all the shit that’s been going down and felt a little shaky. When
she didn’t come back from the garage, we went to look but she wasn’t there.
The door that leads outside was open.”
I run to the garage door and yank it open. Right outside the door I see
her bag and clothes strewn all over the place. I rush to the other door and
step outside.
“Bailey!” I shout, but hear nothing in return.
Walking back into the house, I see Mia coming out of my bedroom. She
doesn’t stop until she’s standing in front of me where she hands me Bailey’s
phone. “I found this on the bathroom counter.”
I quickly scroll through her call log, but it reveals nothing. Next, I look
at her recent texts. The last text she received was from an unknown number.
When I click it open I nearly crush the phone in my grip.
Unknown: See you soon, My Pet.
I roar out my rage and pick up a coffee mug that’s sitting on the end
table beside me and throw it against the wall.
That fucker not only has Anna but Bailey now as well. I knew I
shouldn’t have left her. My gut told me to stay with her, but I ignored it.
Bailey knew I needed to go out and look for Anna myself. Now, as much as
it hurts me, I know she was wrong. Our attempt to find Anna was fruitless
and because of my need to be a part of the search Bailey is out there
suffering. He somehow got to her. Or got her to go to him.
I look around to the sea of faces watching me, most of them have
sympathy stamped across them but some show hatred. The emotions aren’t
directed at me, but for me. But most especially for Anna and Bailey.
My chest hurts and I rub my knuckles across it hard. I take in a deep
breath, but no matter how much I breathe in it doesn’t seem like enough. I
clench my hands into my hair and scream at the top of my lungs. Fuck! This
can’t be happening! I can’t lose her! Breathe, Jaxon, breathe! You have to
think!
Nick walks up to me and places his hand on my shoulder. I don’t shrug
his off. I know the pain he’s going through right now as I’m going through
the same. We both turn to Mac when he starts speaking.
“Is there any place we haven’t looked? There’s got to be something we
haven’t thought of.” He asks the group.
There are a few murmurs, but no one speaks up. Jaded Hollow is a very
small community and not too many places around....
“Old man Pepper’s cabin. Did we look there?” I almost shout.
“Jax, that place is barely standing. I don’t think...”
“Has anyone looked there?” I snarl at him.
He barely has the word ‘no’ out of his mouth before I look at Nick and
say, “Let’s go.”
We both practically run out the door to the truck. Without looking
behind us to see if anyone is following I start my truck and shoot off dust
behind me as I peel out of the driveway. I aim my truck towards Route 14,
hoping and praying that the women are there and that we’re not too late.
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Twenty-two
When I stumble through the doorway, I’m thrown to the floor. I look up to
see Steven leering down at me.
“You’ve been a very bad girl, My Pet. You should have never left. You
know what happens when you break the rules, don’t you?”
When I don’t immediately reply he steps on the back of my hand with
his shoe, grinds down hard and shouts, “Answer me, Bitch!”
The pain in my hand is excruciating and I feel the skin ripping apart. It
feels as though the bones are being fractured and crushed. I cry out and try
to pull my hand back. Steven just laughs at my attempts and applies more
pressure.
Knowing that he won’t let up until I answer him I tell him through the
pain, “You punish me.”
He removes his foot and crouches down beside me. He runs his finger
along my scar which almost causes me to gag. His touch repulses and
sickens me. Just the thought of it makes me want to vomit. “You don’t look
as pretty with this, but I’ve still missed you. I missed our games we used to
play.”
“Where’s Anna? You promised you’d let her go.” I whisper to him.
Steven shifts to the side and I get my first glimpse of Anna. I was so
caught up in my own pain and misery that I didn’t realize she was in the
same room as us. My hand flies to my mouth and I stifle a sob. A cramp
forms in my stomach at the sight of her.
She’s laying face first bent over a table with her arms out to the side
with ropes wrapped around her wrists. The ropes are attached to the legs of
the table. Her wrists where the ropes are tied are torn and bloody. She’s
naked and there is a multitude of cuts, burns, and bruises all over her body.
She’s covered in blood and what looks like semen. Steven used his special
flogger on her, but the extent of the damage is so much worse than he ever
did to me.
Standing behind her is the creepy guy from the bar. He’s naked and
slowly stroking his dick. His eyes are aimed my way watching me as he
grips both of his hands in her hair and uses it as leverage to slam himself
inside of her. Her head is yanked back and she lets out a small cry like she’s
so weak that she can’t scream any louder.
I swing my gaze back to Steven to see him looking at me. My blood
boils with rage and I have an uncontrollable urge to slaughter the man in
front of me. In a move I would never be capable of before I rear back my
fist and slam it into his face.
“You bastard!” I scream. The force of my punch causes Steven to fall
back on his butt. He recovers quickly and scrambles back over to me. His
backhanded hit causes me to land on my back, knocking the breath out of
me. Steven straddles my chest, holding my arms down with his knees, and
puts his hands around my throat, squeezing hard. I try desperately to suck in
air, but his grip has cut it off. My body bucks and tries to twist him off me,
but nothing works. He has me pinned and there’s nothing I can do.
“Do not fucking do that again.” He snarls down at me.
Releasing my throat, I suck in gulps of air. Steven grabs a fistful of hair,
forcing me to stand and drags me over to where Creepy guy is still raping
Anna. I hear his grunts and bile rises in my throat.
She’s laying limply. If it wasn’t for the whimpers every few seconds I
would think she was passed out, or worse, dead. The thought causes a loud
sob to escape me.
Steven forces my head closer to Anna’s, bending me over at the waist.
My tears drip down on her stretched out arms. My heart breaks from what I
see and the cramps get tighter. The many cuts and burns that I see will
never heal all the way, leaving scars behind, reminding her of what she
went through. Even though I’m not the one tied to the table I still feel her
pain. I feel every cut her body has. I feel every burn from his cigar. I feel
every hit he and his friend have landed on her delicate body. I feel every
swipe of the whip and bite of the needles. Every slap, hit, and kick I feel as
though they were inflicted on me.
“You did this, My Pet. It’s because of you that she is being treated this
way. You left me no choice but to do this.” He says as he pushes my face
even closer to hers.
I know his words are true. Anna is here because of me. It was me that
left. It was me that stayed away. It was me that selfishly wanted something
that I shouldn’t have wanted and decided to stay and let the people around
me fight for me. It’s because of me that Anna is now on this table being
brutally violated.
I look at Anna’s battered and bruised face and my heart shatters into a
thousand pieces. I want to kill Steven for the pain he’s caused Anna. I want
to rip myself away from him and scratch his eyes out. I want to take his
precious whip and mark every inch of his body. I want to wrap my hands
around his throat and squeeze as hard as I can until my hands cramp. Never
in my life have I ever felt such hatred towards a human being. Never have I
ever wanted to outright murder someone as much as I do now.
With strength I never knew I had I rear back and elbow Steven in the
stomach as hard as I can. It stuns him enough so that he stumbles backward
and hunches over. I spin around and kick out with my foot landing a blow
to his balls. As he howls in pain and drops to his knees, I kick out again and
get another blow to his face.
Frantically glancing around to find something to fight with I spy a
fireplace poker and dash towards it. Before I make it halfway across the
room, he grabs my legs and tackles me to the floor face first.
I try kicking out with my feet, but he quickly climbs up my body until
he’s straddling my back. Grabbing a fistful of my hair, he yanks back and
slams my face down onto the hardwood floor.
I feel a crunch and immediate pain radiates all over my face. My eyes
start to tear up and black spots appear in my vision from the pain. Blood
starts gushing out of my nose and mouth and the metallic taste is
nauseating. The force of the blow must have broken my nose and busted my
lip. I work my tongue in my mouth and feel a sharp sting where there is a
huge gash inside.
Steven yanks my head back by my hair so hard I’m surprised my neck
doesn’t snap.
“You’re really going to regret that in just a few minutes, Bailey.” Steven
threatens in my ear.
“Fuck you, Steven!” I spit out at him.
“Tsk, tsk, tsk. Such foul language, My Pet. You used to be so proper.”
He purrs in my ear.
Dragging me up by my hair Steven pushes me forward back to the table.
During our scuffle creepy guy never stops using Anna, like he had no doubt
Steven would subdue me. Now standing on the opposite end of Anna and
creepy guy, Steven forces my body to bend over so my upper body is lying
on the table, just like her. With his hand at the back of my neck, my face
lands directly next to Anna’s. We’re both facing each other. Her eyes are
still closed, but mine are wide open looking at her abused face.
“This is what’s going to happen. You and I are going to have a little
fun.” He demonstrates his idea of fun by reaching around me and
unbuttoning my pants and then tugging them down around my knees.
“Then, I’m going to let my friend here have his go at you while I try out
her.” My panties are pulled down next. “After that we are going to do it
again and again and again.”
I start struggling for all I’m worth, but nothing works. His strength is
too much for me. I know that I have to find a way to get free so I can help
Anna before it’s too late, but I have no idea how I can. Getting a closer look
at Anna, I can tell she’s barely hanging on. We’re so close that I can feel her
breath hit my face and it terrifies me when I realize the hot air is very slight.
Steven has most of his weight on my waist and back because of my
struggling. He leans back slightly and I feel him freeing him himself. I’m
hopeless as to what’s going to happen.
Giant sobs start to break through at the first thrust of his hips. I’m
completely dry so it feels like I’m being rubbed raw by sandpaper. When he
drags his hips back, it feels like he’s pulling parts of me that are supposed to
stay inside out. Each time he slams back in, the tops of my thighs painfully
hit the table. My uncontrollable sobs are causing me to lose my breath. My
arms that are yanked behind me feel like they are going numb from lack of
blood circulation.
As I lay there with my body jerking from the force of his thrusts, I keep
my swollen eyes on Anna. Her body is jerking just as violently as mine with
each thrust. I cry out in agony when Steven puts one hand on my shoulder
and used it to pound back into me. I swear my body will rip in two at any
moment.
With my face so close to hers, my cry must have aroused Anna. I see
her eyes barely slit open. They are glassy and the whites of her eyes are red,
as though she has broken blood vessels. My heart squeezes at the pain I see
on her face. It literally feels like someone has reached into my chest and
placed a vice grip around my heart and is squeezing the life from it. The
pain I feel from Steven’s punishing rape is nothing compared to the pain I
feel at seeing the fight give out of Anna. I know, I know, that Anna is giving
up. Her body may be here, but her mind is not and her soul is slipping away.
“I’m so sorry Anna. I’m so so sorry.” I whisper to her on a ragged cry.
“Don’t give up. Don’t let them win. We’ll get out of this. Please.” I beg her,
but I’m scared it’s for nothing. I’m scared she’s past the point of recovery.
I’m afraid that if we do come out of this alive that her body may mostly
heal but her mind never will.
My own pain of what’s going on forgotten, I move my head a few
inches so I can place my forehead against hers, trying to give her comfort. I
don’t know if it works, but I want, no need, her to know that I’m with her. I
don’t know if she can actually see me or not, but I hope she can sense me
there with her and know that someone that cares about her is there. That this
ugly place and these horrible people are not the only ones around.
I close my eyes and send up a silent prayer. Please God, let her be okay.
Please , let us both, but especially Anna, recover from this. Please let
someone come for us.
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Twenty-three
Jaxon
What feels like an hour later, but couldn’t be more than ten minutes we pull
up to the overgrown road that leads to Old Man Pepper’s cabin. During the
drive Nick and I both decide it’s best that we go the rest of the way on foot.
This was a hard decision to make because the more time they are with that
fucker, the longer he has to do whatever he’s doing. However, we didn’t
want to alert him to our approach. There’s no telling what the son of a bitch
would do if he knew we were coming. Luckily, darkness is on our side and
we should be able to sneak up with a surprise attack.
As we’re both getting out of the truck, I see headlights approaching us.
It pulls in behind my truck and I watch as Mac and an officer get out and
walk towards us.
I reach under my seat and pull out two small flashlights and throw one
to Nick. Mac and the officer walk up with their own flashlights just as Nick
and I start jogging down the dirt road. None of us speak, already knowing
what needs to be done. Assess the situation as best as we can, get in and get
the girls out, and possibly kill Steven. Well, the last part was silently added
by me. I still haven’t decided yet if I’m just going my maim him or
completely destroy him.
As we come up to the start of the clearing where the cabin sits my gut
clenches at the thought of the damage Steven as already inflicted. I know
deep down that what we are about to walk into isn’t going to be good. He’s
had them too long and from what Bailey’s told me about him, he is one sick
son of a bitch. My hands ball into fists so hard that the hand holding the
mag light flashlight cramps.
We slow to a walk as we get closer to the rundown structure, easily
keeping to the shadows. The wood slats that make up the siding are now
falling off and hanging by single nails. From the dim light, I can see
through the curtains on the windows the glass is dirty and dull looking. The
screen door is no longer hanging up in front of the front door but is leaning
propped up beside it. The porch is sagging and you can see parts of the
ceiling have fallen down.
We walk quietly up to the windows on either side of the porch and try to
peer inside. The curtains that are hanging block our view. Frustration hits
me and I clench my teeth to keep from cursing. Mac quietly whistles to me
and Nick to catch our attention. He flicks his fingers to indicate he wants us
to walk around the opposite sides of the house to him.
Nick and I slowly make our way around to the back of the cabin,
stopping at each window trying to get a glimpse inside with no luck. Each
fucking window has a thick curtain. Impatience claws at me and it takes
everything I have not to bust my way through the door.
Just as I’m about to do just that Mac is at our sides whispering. “You
and Officer Garrett go around the front. Nick and I will stay back here.
From the time you start walking around wait thirty seconds and then burst
through the front door. Nick and I will do the same back here. Yours and
Nick’s job is to get to the girls and get them out. Officer Garrett and I will
take care of Steven and his friend. Got it?”
I look Mac right in the eye and tell him exactly what I feel. “If I walk in
there and it’s too late, I can’t promise that, Mac. My woman and sister are
in there and there’s no telling what condition they are in. I’m warning you
right now, and if you have to cuff me later, so be it, but I may not be able to
hold my shit.”
Nick speaks up right after me. “Fuck that, Mac. You know damn good
and well that neither one of us can promise that. And you also know that if
it were your woman in there you would do whatever it takes to ensure that
the fuckers pay. No more bullshit. Let’s do this.”
Mac’s jaw goes hard, but he just nods his head. He knows that there’s
no stopping Nick and I if we go in there and the situation is like we all fear
it would be. He also knows that there’s no way he can stop us from going in
there. Mac is a good friend and wouldn’t want either of us in trouble.
Silently counting in my head Garrett and I stealthily jog around to the
front of the cabin. Garrett has his gun released from the holster and is
holding it pointed down with both hands. Once we reach the steps we step
lightly up them until we are standing in front of the door. I move to one side
while Garrett moves to the other. I hold up my hand to show Garrett that
there are five seconds left.
As soon as I pull in the last finger Garrett rears his leg back and slams it
forward into the door. The door bangs open against the wall just as we hear
the rear door burst open as well. Garrett enters first holding his gun steady
in front of him. I enter immediately behind him. What I see almost punches
the breath out of me and brings me to my knees. I swear my heart stops for
a minute before it starts beating double time.
Both Bailey and Anna are bent over a table opposite of each other.
Bailey is still mostly clothed, but Anna is completely naked. Two men are
standing behind them. The one behind Bailey has his pants around his knees
while the one behind Anna is naked as well. They are both being raped.
When we first stepped through the doorway Bailey’s head was close to
Anna’s and facing her, almost in a protective gesture. Now her head is
turned my way and my blood boils when I see her bloody and swollen face.
My gaze next sweeps to Anna and my body literally jerks at the damage
done to her. She’s barely recognizable. She’s got markings of all kinds on
nearly every part of her body. She’s not moving and it scares the shit out of
me.
It only takes me seconds to take in the scene and only half that time for
rage to enter me. A half a second later the pain ascents. Both feelings leave
me with my hands balling into fists and my jaw clenched tightly shut, ready
to do irreparable damage to the two men that have hurt these two precious
women. They will fucking pay!
Garrett and Mac have their guns raised to the two bastards, but I push
pass Garrett, not caring I’m putting myself in front of the weapon. I see red
and my sole purpose is to get to him. Hurt him. Kill him. Nothing can stop
me from exacting my revenge towards him and pummeling him into a
bloody dead mess. I roar out in fury and launch myself across the room
towards the man behind Bailey. Steven! Even without the picture Mac
showed me of him I would still know it’s him.
As I near Steven, who is desperately trying to pull up his pants, I
vaguely see Nick out the corner of my eye bearing down on the other man,
just as I knew he would.
My complete focus back on reaching Steven I get to him just as he
straightens back up. I never slow my movements as my hands reach for his
throat, grab tight, and slam him into the nearest wall. With one hand still
wrapped around his neck I rear my other back and throw everything I have
into the punch to his face.
Satisfaction flares through me as his head whips to the side and I hear a
loud crunch. Blood immediately starts gushing out of his nose, runs down
his chin and onto my hand. When he looks back at me, I see that it’s
definitely not the perfect straight it was before.
I watch as Steven’s eyes start to bug out of his head and his face turns
blue. He’s frantically clawing at my hands trying to pry them off. I only
squeeze tighter, relishing in the fact that he knows he’s not the strong one
anymore.
Not nearly done with him I bring my fist back once more and land a
punch into his gut. He tries wheezing in a breath, but is unable to because of
my hold on his throat. Releasing his neck, I place both hands into his hair
and slam his head down onto my lifted knee. He drops to his knees and then
slumps to the floor, the force of the hit to my knee knocking him out.
So far into my madness, I don’t care if he’s out cold and unable to
defend himself. I don’t just want him knocked out. I want him no longer
breathing. For every piece of pain he’s caused Bailey and Anna I want to
deliver it to him tenfold. I want him to suffer for everything he’s ever done.
I want him to fear for his life. I want him to hurt, just as Bailey has done. I
want to watch as the life leaves his body, just as Bailey felt the life of her
baby leave hers. No punishment is enough for him. No punch or kick will
ever be sufficient. His life has to end.
I jump on top of his prone body and start landing hit after hit to his face.
His limp head whips this way and that way slinging blood in all directions. I
dimly hear someone shouting my name, but I’m too much into my rampage
to really take notice. My hands are bloody and I know some of it is mine
because my knuckles are torn to hell and back. But I don’t care. I don’t feel
the pain. I keep swinging my fists.
A delicate form lands beside me and grabs my arm screaming at me to
stop. I immediately stop my next swing and drop my head, squeeze my eyes
shut, trying to fight the pull to keep bashing in Steven’s face. My breathing
is heavy and my lungs hurt when I try to calm it. I know it’s Bailey beside
me. I can smell her sweet scent and it helps relieve the turmoil raging inside
me now. The only thing that keeps me from continuing on my destructive
path is the knowledge that she needs me right now more than I need to
finish the job.
I lift my head and bring my face to hers. The pain I see in her eyes
causes my heart to restrict in my chest. Her face is streaked with blood and
tears. Her small pert nose has a gash across the bridge and it’s slightly
crooked. Her eyes are starting to swell and turn a purplish blue color.
I quickly crawl off Steven’s still body and launch myself at her, landing
on my ass and gathering her in my arms. Her arms go around my neck and
she buries her face in my neck. I hear her ragged cries and feel her tears
soaking the collar of my shirt. I let her cry as I pull her tighter to me.
“Shh...I’ve got you now, Angel.” I gently run my hands up and down
her back, trying to bring some comfort to her.
“I p-prayed. I prayed a-and prayed you would come.”
The pounding of my heart increases with her words. God, what was
going through her mind while Steven had her in his clutches? I close my
eyes and try to push back the tears that are threatening to come out. I bury
my hands in her hair and push her head closer to my chest. She’s grabbing
my shirt with her small hands like she’s never letting go. That’s okay. I plan
on never letting her go either. No one will ever harm her again.
Bailey lurches in my arms and tries to pull away. “Anna!” She yells.
“We have to help Anna!”
Pulling her back into my body, I try and comfort her. “Calm down,
Angel. Nick has her.”
Belatedly, I look up and around and notice Steven’s friend is handcuffed
lying on his stomach. His face is towards me and I can see that he fairs no
better than Steven. Pleasure fills me at the sight, but I still want to go over
there and smash his face in with my boot.
Mac is standing about three feet from us in a stance that shows he was
about to pull me off Steven if Bailey couldn’t get to me. His look is fierce. I
look around some more trying to locate Nick and Anna but don’t see them.
“Where’s Nick and Anna?” I ask. My voice is hoarse from the
screaming I did while attempting to kill Steven.
His fierce look turns to one of sadness and I know that something isn’t
right. My body jerks at the look and my heart speeds up. Slipping my hands
under Bailey’s knees and shoulders I gently get to my feet, lifting her with
me. I need to get to Anna. I need to make sure she’s okay.
Mac walks up to us and clasps my shoulder. “Outside. I’m so fucking
sorry, Jax.” He says in a jagged whisper and I feel Bailey quiver in my arms
and release another sob.
I clamp my jaw shut and give him a jerky nod. Preparing myself for the
worst but hoping and praying for the best, I slowly make my way towards
the door, not wanting to jostle my Angel too much. Just before I get there I
hear a shout behind me and turn just in time for a shot to go off from Mac’s
gun. Bailey screams at the sound and pulls her arms around me tighter.
Mac is standing about ten feet away from Steven, who has a gun in his
hand. Mac’s gun is pointed in Steven’s direction. Steven’s now laying on
his stomach with the weapon pointed in our direction. Where he got the gun
from I have no idea. What matters is the pool of blood seeping out around
him. He’s gone and the threat is no more.
I look to Mac and his grim expression. He simply nods his head and
turns back towards the now dead body of Steven.
Good fucking riddance! I hope you burn in hell!
I bring my head close to Bailey’s ear and whisper, “It’s okay. He’s gone
now. He can’t hurt you anymore.”
Her cries become stronger, but I know it’s from relief. Knowing that
Steven is dead and can no longer hurt her is a relief to us both. If he were
still alive, there’s a chance he could still get to her. Steven has connections
and whether he was in jail or not those connections would still stand.
Making my way towards the door, I step through and zone in on the
shadowed form of Nick sitting on the ground with Anna in his lap. He has
his head bent towards her. When I reach them, I notice that Nick found a
blanket to wrap around Anna and is holding her tight to his chest.
From the light of the porch, I get my first real glimpse of Anna and it
literally brings me to my knees. Still holding Bailey we both sink to the
ground beside them.
“Oh Anna,” I whisper with a jagged breath. Bailey spasm in my arms
but, my focus is still on the broken and defeated body of my baby sister. I
don’t know how, but I know this is the end. The knowledge causes an
unbearable pain in my chest to form. My breaths are coming faster and it
feels like I can’t get enough air in. My body sags and I hunch over a still
sobbing Bailey that’s in my arms.
Nick looks over at me with bloodshot eyes. There are no tears, but I’ve
never seen eyes that showed so much pain before.
“Jax—I can’t...” He says in a cracked voice before he stops and
squeezes his eyes shut. “I don’t know...” He stops again when we hear a soft
whisper.
“Nick,” Anna says in a voice barely heard.
Nick whips his head back around and brings his face closer to Anna.
“I’m here, baby.” He whispers back to her.
Anna shifts in Nick’s lap but then stills again when she lets off a
whimper of pain. My jaw clenches at the sound and I want to go back inside
and finish off the job that Nick started.
“No, Anna, stay still. The ambulance is on their way, okay.” His voice is
still small.
Anna ignores him and shifts again, bringing out her arm that’s riddled
with marks from under the blanket she gets it halfway to his face before she
drops it again. She’s so fucking weak that she can’t even lift her arm. I want
to slaughter the bastards.
Nick helps her by raising her hand and bringing it to his lips and then
settling it against his cheek. She closes her eyes and takes in several
shallow breaths before opening them again, focusing back on Nick.
“I love you, Nick.” She breathes out in a broken voice.
Nick bends forward and kisses her forehead. “I love you too, Anna
Banana.” I barely him whisper there.
With her eyes open only to slits and her palm on Nick’s cheek Anna
tries to speak again but I can tell that it’s hard for her.
“Be happy for me.” She says weakly.
“Don’t do this Anna! Don’t you dare die on me! You hang on,
Goddamnit! You can’t leave me!” Nick’s voice gets louder and louder as he
speaks. It comes out broken, but determined.
Bailey shifts in my lap and lifts her head towards Nick and Anna. I can
still hear her quietly crying. I gently start to rock her back and forth, trying
to soothe both our shattered hearts.
“It’s...too late...for me, Nick. I need...you to promise...you’ll be...happy.
Promise...me. Please.”
Her voice is growing weaker by the minute and all I can do is stare at
her. I can’t believe my little sister is right here, right now, dying. The rage I
felt earlier is replaced by the crushing sadness and helplessness I feel. We
were both too late. Yes, Bailey is now safe, but my sister is dying in Nick’s
arms. I feel a single tear trail down my face.
“No!” Nick says heatedly and brings Anna’s body closer. “I can’t
promise that! I can’t be happy without you. You’re my happy. Please Anna,
just hang on a little bit longer.”
Anna ignores his pleas and sends her own in return. “Promise me,
Nick.”
“Fuck!” He throws his head back and bellows to the dark sky. Bringing
his head back down, he looks at her and promises, “I promise.”
I watch as Anna’s cracked and dry lips form a tiny smile at Nick’s
words. Next, my body jerks and my heart freezes as Anna slumps in Nick’s
arms, the smile still in place. She’s gone. My beautiful and bright sister is
gone.
“Anna?” Nick asks with no response. “No, no, no! Jesus Christ! Please,
Anna baby, answer me.” Still no response.
Nick drops her palm that he still had laying on his cheek and pulls her
limp body even closer. He buries his face in her hair and starts mumbling
words I can’t understand. He sways back and forth.
We both sit there holding the two women we love unconditionally. One
with the unbearable grief of knowing they will never see the light in their
eyes again and one with the pain of losing one person while the other is
alive and somewhat well. I can’t help but feel relief that Bailey is okay, but
the pain of losing Anna will haunt us always.
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Twenty-four
Anna’s funeral was held three days later. You would think that it would be
more suitable for the weather to be rainy and dreary, but it wasn’t. The sun
was shining and the air was warm. Just as I hoped it would be. Anna was
warm, friendly, and bubbly. She was the very best friend a person could
have. She deserves to be sent off with the same qualities that made her the
wonderful person she was.
The turnout for her funeral was phenomenal. The church was packed
and I swear every member of the town was there, even some from the
surrounding towns. That’s Anna for you. She barreled into your life, made
you fall in love with her, and then stuck around no matter what. Her death
impacted so many lives and the world will be less without her.
Nick is a terrible mess. He won’t speak to anyone and stays locked up in
his house, refusing anyone entrance. I’ve seen him once since that night and
that was at the funeral. Jaxon has gone over to his place a couple times, but
he just ignores him when he pounds on the door. I worry that he may do
something drastic, but Jaxon says to give him time. My guilt for what
happened to Anna is growing stronger.
My stay in the hospital was only one night. I was completely hysterical
from the abuse by Steven and the loss of Anna that they had to sedate me.
When I woke up the next morning, I had Jaxon on one side of my bed and,
to my surprise, Chris on the other.
Jaxon was at my side as soon as my eyes opened. “Are you okay,
Angel? Are you in pain? Can I get you anything?” I just shake my head no,
not knowing what to say. What is there to say when you’re the cause of him
losing his sister?
He lowers his head and places a soft kiss against the top of mine. Tears
spring to my eyes, but I push them away and glance over at Chris, who is
watching us intently.
She walks up to me and lays her hand against my cheek, careful to stay
clear of my nose, which is starting to throb.
“You scared the shit out of me.” She says in a whisper.
“Sorry. What...” I stop and clear my dry throat. Jaxon is immediately at
my side with a cup of ice cold water. The coldness of the water is a balm to
my dry mouth. I thank him and turn back towards Chris.
“What are you doing here?” My voice is still scratchy, but better.
She flicks her eyes up towards Jaxon before bringing them back to me.
“Your man called me.”
I glance over at him and notice a small smile on his lips. I reach my
hand out for him to grab and he does so. I turn back towards Chris.
With tears in my eyes, I tell her. “I was so scared.”
She sits on the side of the bed and lays down beside me. Being careful
of my bandaged hand, she gathers me close to her. With her arms wrapped
around me, she murmurs against my hair. “He can’t hurt you anymore. The
bastard is gone.”
I nod my head in relief. That part of my life is over with. Steven has no
more power.
After a few minutes, Chris kisses my forehead and gets up off the bed.
She says she’s going to the cafeteria for some much needed caffeine. It’s
just Jaxon and I in the room now. An awkward silence fills the space and I
can’t find the courage to look his way. I know it’s irrational and Jaxon isn’t
the type of person to blame someone for someone else’s actions, but I can’t
help but wonder if deep down inside he holds me responsible for Anna’s
death. I certainly wouldn’t blame him.
“Look at me, Angel.” He says softly. As much as I don’t want to I know
I need to face him. I take a deep breath and turn my head his way.
“Whatever you’re thinking right now, stop it.” He takes a step towards
me until his hips are against the bed. Taking my hand in his he brings it to
his lips.
“I’m so sorry about Anna. If I hadn’t...” I trail off at the fierce look he
gives me.
“I said stop. Don’t even think it.” He rumbles.
“But Jaxon, if it wasn’t for me...” He cuts me off again by placing his
finger against my lips.
“Bailey,” he says in his deep voice, eyes locked on mine keeping me
captive in their swirl of colors. “Do you honestly think that I or anyone else,
blames you for what that sick bastard did? You loved Anna just as much as
any of us. I saw you, Angel.” He stops for a minute and takes a deep breath
before continuing, voice now hoarse. “I saw how you, even with Steven
doing what he was doing to you, tried huddling up to Anna. I saw you
trying to give her comfort even though you were going through hell as well.
I know you would have done anything to keep her from that. Hell woman,
you went there thinking he was going to let her go, putting your own self at
risk. That took courage and I love you all the more for it, even though you
scared the shit out of me when I went home and you weren’t there.”
I take his hand and lace our fingers together, tears once again forming in
my eyes. His words warming my heart and penetrating some of the guilt
that I feel. I really did try to bring some comfort to her and I hope I did. I
never had any during my childhood and my time with Steven, even though I
prayed so hard for it. I know that my guilt will never go away. I’ll always
blame myself, but hopefully, over time it’ll get easier.
That morning when Jaxon and Chris take me back to Jaxon’s place
we’re met by his family. As soon as Lilly sees my face and all the damage
she immediately takes me into her arms and bursts into tears. We both stand
there holding on to each other and cry out our grief.
Pulling away from her I look directly into her watery eyes. “I am so
sorry, Lilly.”
She cups my face and wipes away the tears that are still traveling down
my face. “Don’t you dare blame yourself for what happened to my baby. No
one else does. You didn’t do this, hunny.” I nod my head and squeeze her to
me again.
Jaxon’s gram steps up next with her eyes swollen from crying and
engulfs me in a tight hug. She murmurs in my ear, “I’m so glad you’re safe.
Jaxon told us what you did for Anna. Thank you for giving our girl comfort
when she needed it.”
A few minutes later I excuse myself to the bathroom. I close the door
behind me and close my eyes. Taking a deep breath and keeping my head
down I take a tentative step towards the mirror hanging above the sink. I’m
ashamed to admit that I haven’t had the courage to look in the mirror yet. In
light of what happened to Anna, my injuries seem so insignificant.
Once I’m in front of the sink I slowly lift my head and suck in a sharp
breath. Both of my eyes are swollen with purple and blue bruises
surrounding them. My nose is swollen as well and a little off center. There’s
a cut across the bridge. I have a bandage above one of my eyes and I know
there are three small stitches there. My hand has a thick bandage around it
where Steven’s shoe ripped the skin. Underneath my clothes, there are also
a few bruises on my back, thighs, hips, and ribs. Overall, my body has
sustained worse, but the pain of these injuries are so much more because of
the events leading up to them.
I wet a washcloth and tenderly wash my face and brush my teeth. Once
I’m done, I gather my courage to walk back out to Jaxon, Chris, and Jaxon’s
family. When I open the door, I see Chris sitting on Jaxon’s bed waiting for
me.
I walk over to her and sit beside her. She grabs my uninjured hand and
places both of ours on her lap.
“How are you doing?” She asks me quietly.
I shrug my shoulders and tell her the truth. “Physically I’ve felt worse,
but mentally I can’t help but feel this is my entire fault. I know Jaxon
doesn’t blame me, but if I hadn’t come here, Anna would still be alive.”
“That may be true, but do you honestly think that Jaxon would wish you
away so Anna would still be here? It’s a shame what happened to her. She
sounded like a very special girl, but you have to remember you’re special
too. You’re loved just as much as her. Steven was a sick bastard. If it
weren’t her, it would have been someone else. Jaxon loves you, don’t let
this guilt eat away at you. You’ve been through enough. It’s time for you to
be happy.”
She reaches over and pulls me closer to her side by my shoulder. I lay
my head there and take in her words. I don’t say anything in return. I know
what she says is true, I just need to learn to accept it.
“I really like him.” She says breaking the silence. “He’s the kind of man
you should have had all along.”
“I love him, Chris. So much.”
Several minutes pass by before we both quietly get up and make our
way to a solemn living room. From where I’m standing I can see Lilly,
Tricia, and Gram in the kitchen drinking coffee. Hunter is occupying the
kids in the back yard. Mia is sitting in a recliner staring off into space.
Jaxon is seated on his couch. When he sees me, he holds out his arm
gesturing for me to sit with him. I walk over and plant my butt next to him.
He throws his arm over my shoulder, pulling me to his side. I lay there with
my head on his chest and watch the kids laughing and playing until my eyes
drift close.
It’s been a month since Anna died and the pain of it is still there but not
quite as debilitating. Nothing will ever be the same without her, but we’re
all learning to cope and move forward. I’ve started counseling to help with
my past experiences and surprisingly it’s a relief to talk to someone about it.
I still work at Jaxon’s Pub and through my counseling I’ve learned how
to better handle myself. The thought of men flirting me no longer frightens
me. Of course, they never get the chance because Jaxon hovers over me and
threatens anyone who even thinks about me that way.
Andrew is still his flirty self and is constantly giving Jaxon hell. I love
working with him as he always has something to say to make me laugh or
smile. Mia has grown quieter and the animosity between her and Mac has
grown. They can’t be in the same room together without biting each other’s
heads off.
Nick finally started coming around again, but he’s not the same happygo-lucky Nick he was before. His face carries a constant scowl and he’s
easily riled. Every time I see him there’s pain in his eyes and it breaks my
heart all over again. I wish there were something I could do, but I know he
just needs time.
After I got home from the hospital, Chris stayed until after the funeral.
She decided that she really likes it up here in Ohio and wants to move here
to be closer to me once she graduates. I’m really looking forward to it. I
miss my best friend.
“I love you, Angel,” Jaxon whispers in my ear as he slowly thrusts into me.
I have my arms wrapped around his neck and my legs around his hips.
Jaxon has his arms under my shoulders so I’m lying on them. Our chests are
smashed together. We’re as close as two people can get.
Jaxon nibbles and sucks a path from my ear to my collarbone. I throw
my head back and I release a deep moan. Jaxon always knows just what to
do to bring my body to life.
He removes one arm and puts it under one of my legs. This new
position lifts me higher and allows him to go deeper. Each downward
motion he hits my clit, which sends tingles over every inch of my body.
“Oh Jaxon, yes!” I breathe out on a moan.
Jaxon growls in response. “Fuck, Angel. You feel so good. So Goddamn
tight.”
I love it when he talks dirty to me. His words aren’t meant to insult but
meant to tell me how much he enjoys what he’s feeling.
Jaxon moves his hips faster, enticing another moan from me. I grip his
hair and bring his lips to mine. We devour each other’s mouth, tangling
tongues, and nipping lips. The tingles in my body are turning into sparks.
Bringing his other hand down and placing it under my butt, he lifts me
even further and grinds himself down on me. The sensations to my clit are
too much for me to bear and with my head thrown back with a shout I
explode around him. With his head buried in my neck Jaxon lets out a grunt
when he reaches his own climax.
Several minutes later has me running my hands over Jaxon’s hard chest
while he plays with my hair. Our breathing has evened out and we’re
relaxing in bed, just enjoying the silence.
“Marry me, Angel,” Jaxon says breaking the silence and leaving me
speechless.
I am so stunned at his suggestion that it takes me a few seconds before I
can respond.
“But we hardly know each other,” I tell him something he already
knows. The thought of marrying Jaxon is both thrilling and frightening. I
know that he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, but I don’t
want him to regret it later. “And you know I can’t give you babies.” This
thought saddens me. Jaxon would make such an excellent father.
He rolls to his side and cups my jaw. “I know everything I need to
know, I want you forever. Everything else can come later. I want to wake up
with you every morning and fall asleep with you in my arms every night. I
want to sit out on our porch and watch the wildlife walk by. I want to take
you on rides on my bike and make love to you by the lake. I want to share
life’s troubles with you and make good memories. No other woman will do.
You’re my Angel. As far as babies, who says we can’t adopt? And if that’s
not something you want to do then that’s fine too. I need you. If a baby
comes along I’ll love it just as strongly as I love you, but I don’t need a
baby to feel complete. I need you for that.”
God, I love this man so much. He is everything I’ve ever dreamed of
having in a man. He’s passionate, loving, caring, gentle, and so many more
words that would take me forever to name. In essence, he’s absolutely
perfect. I drove into this town a scared and broken woman. I now lay in this
bed with the man of my dreams, a woman that no longer cringes when
someone approaches me. I no longer cower when I come in contact with a
man. Jaxon brings out the best in me and has shown me that I don’t have to
be afraid all the time. No woman in their right mind would say no to him.
And for the first time in a long time I’m in my right mind.
I glide my fingers up his chest and around his neck. Tugging on his hair,
I pull his face closer to mine until our lips are almost touching. It’s there
that I whisper, “Yes, I’ll marry you.”
A huge smile appears on his face right before his lips devour mine.
OceanofPDF.com
Epilogue
One year later
“That’s it, Angel. I’m taking you to the doctor. No flu is going to have you
throwing up for two weeks straight.” Jaxon says while holding my hair for
what seems like the hundredth time.
I rest my head on my arm that’s lying on the toilet and take deep
breaths. I am so sick of being sick. For the past two weeks all it seems I do
it eat, throw it back up, and sleep. I’m exhausted and I’ve lost a lot of
weight. I know Jaxon is right and I need to find out what’s wrong.
I lift my head and see Jaxon holding a glass of water out for me. I stand
on shaky legs and gratefully take the glass from him. My first sip gets
swirled in my mouth and then spit out into the sink. I chug the rest of it like
I haven’t had anything to drink in days. I next brush my teeth because not to
would be gross.
I turn to face Jaxon and lean against the counter. He steps up to me and
places both of his hands on the counter on either side of my waist. His
expression is worried. He’s noticed the weight that I’ve lost.
I bring my head forward until my forehead lands on his chest.
“Okay, Jaxon. Make an appointment.” I tell him and hope whatever I
have isn’t too serious.
I sit and stare at the doctor and wonder if I heard him correctly. There’s no
way what he’s saying is right. It just can’t be. It’s not possible. It’s got to be
a horrible joke. However, if I find out that it is a mistake I don’t know if I’ll
recover.
Jaxon’s at my side and I feel him squeeze my hand. I turn to look at him
and see his lips forming a breathtaking smile. His eyes are twinkling and
they look very happy.
I turn back to the doctor and finally find my voice.
“How is that possible? I’ve had doctors tell me that I can’t get pregnant
anymore because of the damage done to my body.” Please let it be true.
Please let me be carrying Jaxon’s baby.
“I’m not exactly sure, Bailey. The scarring and damage done to your
fallopian tubes should have prevented any sperm from reaching your eggs.
Obviously Jaxon has some very determined little swimmers and a miracle
has occurred.” He has his own grin in place and then throws us both a wink.
“Congratulations!”
“Angel,” Jaxon calls me softly.
I turn my head back to him. “I’m pregnant, Jaxon,” I whisper to him
like he doesn’t already know. It feels so weird to say.
I place my hand on my stomach and look down at it. There’s a baby in
there. Mine and Jaxon’s baby. The thought brings a smile to my face and I
close my eyes. When I open them again, I can feel moisture on my cheeks.
I look back at Jaxon with my big, bright smile and tell him more loudly,
“I’m pregnant!”
“I know, baby. Come here.” He gets up from his chair. I stand and
immediately fall into his arms. He twirls me around and I giggle loudly.
With our arms wrapped around each other, I lovingly look up at him.
“You happy?” He asks me one of the most ridiculous questions.
I reach up on my tiptoes and kiss his lips lightly. Pulling back, I tell him
with complete and utter honesty, “So much more than I ever imagined I
could be.”
Jaxon
Four years later
Standing on our deck, I watch as Bailey chases Amari around the yard. Her
short three-year-old legs no match for Bailey. Of course, Bailey doesn’t
catch her right away but jogs slowly with her arms outstretched, letting
Amari run and scream and think she’s outrunning her mother.
I laugh when Bailey catches her and scoops her up into her arms. Amari
squeals and squirms when Bailey starts blowing raspberries on her neck.
Bailey notices me first and graces me with her stunning smile. She
whispers something in Amari’s ear and puts her down. My beautiful threeyear-old runs toward the deck I’m standing on and I meet her at the bottom
of the stairs when she reaches them. I pick her up and throw her into the air,
which causes her little girl giggle. I really love that sound.
“Hey beautiful girl,” I say as I look into her two-toned eyes. Eyes like
mine. Eyes that Bailey has told me on numerous occasions can cause her to
get lost in them.
“Hi, daddy.” Amari responses right before she smacks me with a kiss on
the cheek.
“Are you having fun with mommy?”
“Yes, we played Barbies and had a tea party and colored and made
cookies!” Her excitement at today’s activities is amazing to see. There’s
nothing you can do but smile at her.
Bailey walks up to us and I pull her to my side with my arm that’s not
holding Amari. Bending down I place a soft kiss on her lips.
“Hey, Angel. I’ve heard you’ve been busy today.”
She laughs at that and tickles Amari on her side bringing out another
round of giggles.
“Yes, we have. She’s kept me on my toes all day.” There’s affection in
her voice and I know she wouldn’t have it any other way. My Angel will do
anything for Amari. She spoils her rotten, but I can’t really complain
because I do the same thing.
Her name, Amari, means miracle and I know that’s just what she is.
She’s our miracle sent down to us from God. We both like to think that
Anna, which happens to be Amari’s middle name, also had something to do
with it.
“Dinner’s ready. Are you hungry?” Bailey asks.
“Starving,” I tell her.
“Alright, come on munchkin. Let’s go get cleaned up for dinner.”
Giving me another quick peck Bailey holds her arms out for Amari to climb
into. As I turn to follow I watch the two most important people in my life. I
often ask myself how I got so lucky, but I never find the answer. For
whatever reason someone deemed me worthy enough and lead Bailey to my
little town and I’ll cherish and love them with every piece of my heart and
soul until the end of time.
When I walk through the sliding glass door, I close and lock it behind
me. I make my way towards our bathroom and hear more laughter coming
from within. I smile to myself and send my daily thanks to whoever sent me
my beautiful Angel and Miracle.
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Acknowledgements
First and foremost, I’d like the thank God, who gave me the courage and
the ability to write and share Jaxon and Bailey’s story.
I next have to thank my husband and daughter, whom I have neglected
during this whole process. Thank you both so very much for all the support
you’ve both given me and understanding how much this endeavor means to
me. I am so sorry for all the times I’ve come home from work and went
straight to writing. I know it’s been frustrating and irksome at times and
you’ve both wanted to strangle me and say “pay attention to me!” I love
you both and promise to smother y’all with attention so much that you’ll be
sick of me! I love y’all!
Thank you Mama. Even though you passed before you knew I was
writing Shatter Me, or even knew I wanted to write, I know that you would
be proud of me. I also know that you’re watching down on me with a smile
on your face. I will always love you and I miss you every day.
I’d also like to thank my very favorite sister Hope. (Hehe! Told you I
was mentioning you! You definitely deserve it!) Girl, there is no way I
could thank you enough! Without you, I would have been completely lost
during this whole process. You’ve patiently guided me through it and
anytime I had questions you were right there. Thank you so very much for
all the edits and constructive criticism you’ve given me as well. I seriously
couldn’t have done this without you! Love you, girly!!
Next, is my girl Kim. You have no idea how grateful I am that we
connected on Facebook. You’ve encouraged and pushed me, not just with
writing Shatter Me, but with other things as well. You’ve become a very
good friend and I value our friendship to the max. And holy smokes! Thank
you so very much for my beautiful cover and teasers! I really could not
have asked for better! And thank you for editing and formatting my baby
for me!
Josh, my brother-in-law! I haven’t forgotten about you either! Thank
you so much for helping me with Andrew’s t-shirt slogans! It was so
frustrating trying to come up with something original and you saved my
ass! Thank you for having a twisted and dirty mind! Now, go give Hope a
kiss and thank her for me for allowing me to pick your brain!
Bloggers, your next! As a former blogger myself, I know personally all
the work y’all do. I know how frustrating it gets at times. I want to
personally thank you all for the hard work in helping me get Shatter Me out
there! Love you guys!
Last but certainly not least, betas and readers. Y’all truly are what
makes an author successful. If it wasn’t for y’all, books would sit on their
shelves just collecting dust. As a new author myself and still scared shitless,
I want to thank you all for taking a chance on me and picking up Shatter
Me. Love you all!
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A note
I know a lot of authors use playlists. I don’t really have a playlist, as I find
writing in silence easier for me. However, I would like to mention three
songs that remind me of Shatter Me.
Demons by Imagine Dragons
Face Down by The Red Jumpsuit Aparatus
Hanging by a Moment by Lifehouse
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About Author
Alex Grayson is originally from the south, but has recently moved to Northern Ohio. Although she
misses the warmth of Florida and often times detest the cold of Ohio she absolutely loves living in
the north. She and her husband bought a house on two acres of land and live there with their
daughter, two dogs, two cats, and 7 ducks. She hopes to eventually get chickens and a couple of goats
to add to their country way of living. Besides her family and home her next best passion is reading.
She is often found with her nose obsessively stuck in a book, much to the frustration of her husband
and daughter. On more than one occasion Alex found herself wanting a book to go a certain way, but
it didn’t. With these thoughts in mind, she decided to start writing stories according to her own
visions. Although this is a new endeavor for her, she hopes that readers find her concepts on romance
intriguing and captivating. Alex welcomes and encourages feedback, of any kind. She can be
contacted at alexgraysonauthor@gmail.com.
Connect With Alex:
Fine me on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Alex-Grayson-Author
Goodreads:
https://www.goodreads.com/AlexGayson
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/AlexGrayson10
For exclusive giveaways, and sneak peeks of the series sign up for Alex Grayson’s newsletter:
http://eepurl.com/-r-_n
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