M E N TA L H A C K S
Techniques and Ways of Thinking to
Feel the Best You Possibly Can
Eleanor Wilkins
AUSTIN MACAULEY PUBLISHERS
Mental Hacks
About The Author
Dedication
Copyright Information ©
Introduction
The Power of You and Your Mood
How you can rely on your mood to feel good about anything.
How can I reconnect with myself if I am buried underneath anxiety or
depression?
How can I snap out of a bad mood in seconds?
How can I change how I feel for good?
How can I improve how I feel about the idea of experiencing
something unpleasant?
How can I diminish my anger or annoyance?
How can I stop blaming the external for how I feel?
How can I be less fearful of the future?
How to love yourself unconditionally and the benefits of loving
yourself unconditionally.
How can I remain unharmed by the hurtful words of others?
How can I feel content in life and make as much progress as possible?
How can I feel fine about the idea of change?
There is magic in ‘catching’ your negative thoughts
Your attitude towards unpleasant emotions and feelings can change
your experience.
How can I stop longing to be less emotional, less anxious etc?
How to relieve a panic attack, anger, anxiety, or any negative feeling.
How can I feel more motivated to do something when I feel so tired
and depressed?
How to use goal setting to distract yourself from anxiety.
How you can avoid the top causes of unhappiness.
How to follow your excitement for maximum pleasure.
How can I get rid of an addiction or attachment to something in the
external?
How can I change my values for the better?
How can I stop feeling distressed when something doesn’t turn out like
I expected?
How can I break out of a negative thinking habit?
Why you are able to change how you feel.
How can I lift my mood if it is still not lifting?
The Power of Negative Feelings
How to create good feelings through bad feelings.
How to use guilt to enjoy your life to the full.
How are my fears a way out of fear?
How to increase your motivation through anxiety.
How to feel better by distracting yourself with your lesser concerns.
How to use ‘danger’ to feel calmer.
The Power of Memories and the Past
How to use your memory to feel consistently good about everything.
How to use your memory to redefine yourself.
How to use your memory to become more positive.
How to use your memory to reduce your fears about the future.
How to use your memory to reduce dissatisfaction and distress.
How to use your memory to ease reoccurring negative feelings.
How to feel the best you possibly can by choosing the ‘right’
memories.
How to use your memory to not fear unpleasant emotions and feelings.
How to use your memory to feel more grateful.
Use the past to know what you can and can ’t control.
How to stop the past from ‘downgrading’ the present.
How to use your memory to continue feeling the best you possibly can.
How to use forgotten memories to feel better in the present.
How to use your memories to give you hope in the present.
Create trigger words for life.
Create trigger words to remove negative associations.
The Power of Comfort, Pride and ‘Cosiness’
How to create a feeling of comfort.
How to create a feeling of ‘cosiness’.
Create pride through your challenges.
How to raise your self-esteem through pride.
The Power of Focus and Intention
Where should I direct my focus to worry less about the future?
Where should I direct my focus to feel the best I possibly can?
Focusing on an all-consuming passion can decrease depression or
anxiety.
Focus on a life goal to decrease your depression or anxiety.
How to focus on the good in something, when the bad outweighs the
good?
How can I stop focusing on how bad I feel about something?
How to get through an unpleasant task or event using the power of
focus?
If you are feeling stressed, focus on the next hour.
How to redirect your focus to stop worrying you won’t achieve
something?
How to use intention setting to feel good despite the circumstances?
How to feel like I am getting the best possible deal out of life through
intention setting?
How to make negative thoughts and feelings powerless through
intention setting?
How to not focus on social anxiety?
How to use intention to calm my fears?
The Power of Comparison
How to make anything seem better than it is?
How to use the power of comparison to feel better in a panic attack,
negative chain of thoughts or bad mood?
How to make something seem less embarrassing or difficult?
How to feel less busy, less stressed and more confident and
productive?
How can I stop feeling inferior to others?
The Power of Imagination and Visualisation
How to make peace with your mind.
Imagine more than one reality.
Imagine all the ways something could be worse.
Imagine your two selves having a conversation.
How to ease daily dread through visualisation?
Make the unknown known.
Use imagination as an escape.
Imagine multiple versions of yourself.
Imagine you are someone else.
How to use your imagination to feel excited about the future.
Imagine you are in a different context.
Insert the best version of yourself into your visualisations of the future.
Use your ‘future self’ for guidance.
Pretend you are comforting a small child.
See the world through the eyes of a kid.
Mark your mind’s answers as wrong instead of right.
How to use visualisation to assure yourself you will not have to relive
your painful past memories?
The Power of Speaking to Your Brain
Your brain is on your side.
The Power of Procrastination
The benefits of procrastination.
The Power of Questioning/Curiosity, Being Self Aware and Not
Believing Your Mind’s Lies
Knowing yourself is the solution to all your suffering.
How to use self-awareness to feel better?
A fantastic question to ask yourself when you are feeling distressed.
How self-awareness made me realise my unpleasant feelings weren’t
genuine.
How to use self-awareness to make the right choices?
What am I really afraid of?
How to feel the best you possibly can through self-awareness.
How to not be a victim to anxiety’s lies.
How to not be a victim to your mind’s lies.
Your negative feelings can be inaccurate predictors.
The reason why you are probably not genuinely angry, upset, or
bothered about something.
The reason why your negative beliefs are probably not your own.
How to feel less anxious or depressed through self-awareness?
Are your values out of balance?
The benefit of analysing your previous emotional state.
The benefit of analysing your emotional state in general.
How I overcame my panic attacks through self-awareness?
Be curious about your unpleasant feelings.
How to use curiosity to deal with boredom?
Ask yourself these questions.
How can I stop feeling trapped through self-awareness?
The Power of Expectation Setting
Expect the unexpected.
Expect the worst and the best.
Expect the best of the worst.
Set your expectations according to what happened in the past.
Zero expectation = Zero fear
Don’t set your expectations according to your mind’s lies.
The Power of Physical and Mental Exercise
Cardio exercise can significantly improve your mood.
Exercise your mind.
Any sort of movement is beneficial in improving your mood.
The Power of Acceptance and Letting Go
Life is full of trade-offs
Let go of your inner commentary.
How having a multitude of problems can make life easier to enjoy and
accept.
Let go of the idea that the world owes you something.
How to feel you are enough by letting go.
Acceptance doesn’t have to be painful.
Acknowledge why you cannot accept things.
How to feel fine and remain calm, in a moment of crisis through
acceptance.
How to let go of your current self.
Let go of resistance.
The Power of Words and Meaning
The power of changing the ‘stories’ you tell yourself about your
negative feelings and emotions.
How to see everything as ‘good’?
A negative thought or feeling doesn’t have to define your whole mood.
Simplify the way you describe your unpleasant feelings.
Reassure yourself through self-talk.
Talk to yourself like you would a friend.
Identify as the person you are in a good mood.
How to enjoy everything?
The Power of Planning, Structure and Being an Opportunist
How to forward plan?
Prepare for the worst.
Establish a set daily routine which is flexible and has specified leisure
time.
Be an opportunist.
How to avoid fatigue and frustration by having a structure?
How can I overcome my panic attacks and fears through forward
planning?
The Power of Others
Realise that others are just as anxious.
How to stop feeling angry or annoyed at your significant other.
Know you are not alone.
Get into the heads of those who you think are judging you.
The Power of Consequences
How can I stop dwelling, ruminating, over-analysing and dreading?
The Power of Time, Hope and the Unknown
The art of time travel.
Just because you feel this way now doesn’t mean you’ll feel this way
in the future.
The power of measuring life by moments.
How can I use the unknown to be more understanding of my partner’s
flaws?
There are an infinite number of possible futures.
Know change is inevitable.
Desire the best of the unknown.
A specific moment in time can never be repeated.
Look at others to give you hope.
The unknown is a blessing in disguise.
The unpredictability of your thoughts is a blessing in disguise.
Know that happiness never ends.
Why can I have eternal hope for the future?
Conclusion
About The Author
From an early age, Eleanor Wilkins has always been fascinated by the
workings of her mind. Her analysis of her own thoughts and feelings has
enabled her to use her mind to feel the best that she possibly can and create
the experiences she desires. After being highly praised by hundreds with
her advice on self-help websites, she decided to write a book to safekeep
her findings and help others.
Dedication
I would like to dedicate this book to all those who praised my advice and all
those whom I wish to benefit greatly from it. I would also like to thank my
family, friends and Austin Macauley Publishers for believing in my work.
Copyright Information ©
Eleanor Wilkins (2020)
The right of Eleanor Wilkins to be identified as author of this work has
been asserted by her in accordance with section 77 and 78 of the Copyright,
Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored
in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means,
electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the
prior permission of the publishers.
Any person who commits any unauthorised act in relation to this
publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for
damages.
This book is for general information purposes and nothing contained in it
is, or is intended to be construed as advice. It does not take into account
your individual health, medical, physical or emotional situation or needs. It
is not a substitute for medical attention, treatment, examination, advice,
treatment of existing conditions or diagnosis and is not intended to provide
a clinical diagnosis nor take the place of proper medical advice from a fully
qualified medical practitioner.
A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.
ISBN 9781528995412 (Paperback)
ISBN 9781528995429 (ePub e-book)
www.austinmacauley.com
First Published (2020)
Austin Macauley Publishers Ltd
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Introduction
First things first, I am not a qualified psychologist. I am an everyday person
who is about to share with you my realisations, ways of thinking and mental
techniques which have dramatically improved my mind-set and mental
well-being.
My ultimate aim is to give you the reassurance that you can improve how
you feel about anything through reminding yourself of the realisations and
using the mental techniques and ways of thinking in Mental Hacks.
It isn’t about intervening and trying to decrease the impact of negative
thoughts and feelings every second. It is about having the reassurance that
you are able to do this using Mental Hack’s techniques, realisations and
ways of thinking. Then the thoughts and feelings will not be scary to you.
I know from experience that the mind is an exceptionally powerful tool
to improve how you feel. I went through a stage where my hormones were
severely imbalanced. I felt exceptionally tired all of the time and anxious,
and the idea of doing anything filled me with a sense of dread. The world
was scary in general. However, I then became passionate about trying to
find ways to improve how I was feeling, which is how I managed to find
enough content to create a book.
The techniques, ways of thinking and realisations I came up with to
improve how I felt dramatically improved how I was feeling about
everything and gave me reassurance that I was stronger than my hormones,
unpleasant thoughts and feelings. I now believed I wasn’t victim to them,
even though my hormones remained imbalanced.
I hope and have strong faith that Mental Hacks will be able to make you
feel the same way.
Some of the techniques, ways of thinking and realisations may appear to
contradict each other, but they still all worked on me. It is about finding the
techniques, ways of thinking, and realisations that resonate with you.
And remember, any progress that you make in improving how you feel
should be celebrated. It isn’t just about the end goal.
The Power of You and Your
Mood
How you can rely on your mood to feel good about anything.
When I am in a good mood, there isn’t anything that can make me feel bad,
because the thoughts my brain triggers are nice, positive thoughts
regardless.
My attention is fixated only on the good in my current reality, and past,
leaving zero room for negative thoughts.
Therefore, to feel positive about anything, you need to be in a good
mood.
If you are in a bad mood, figure out what is stopping you from being in a
good mood.
Is it because you feel bad in the present?
To improve how you feel in the present, you could refer to the following
sections:
“How can I snap out of a bad mood in seconds?”
“Knowing yourself is the solution to all your suffering.”
“Create trigger words for life.”
“There is magic in ‘catching’ your negative thoughts.”
“How to enjoy everything?”
Is it because you need to feel reassured about the future?
To feel reassured about the future, you could refer to:
“Where should I direct my focus to worry less about the future?”
“Don****’t set your expectations according to your mind’s lies.”
“How can I improve how I feel about the idea of experiencing
something unpleasant?”
“Desire the best of the unknown.”
Is it because you need to feel better about the past?
To feel better about the past, you could refer to:
“How can I change how I feel for good?”
“How can I diminish my anger or annoyance?”
“How can I stop blaming the external for how I feel?”
“How to use your memory to ease reoccurring negative feelings.”
How can I reconnect with myself if I am buried underneath
anxiety or depression?
If you suffer from anxiety or depression, become aware of when you are
buried underneath them. You will not feel like yourself and long to be the
old you, and you will know deep down you are over exaggerating and
blowing things out of proportion, but you will still believe the overexaggerated and blown-up negative thoughts and feelings, as the anxiety
and depression are currently ruling you.
To reconnect with yourself, the trick is to reach out to the ‘you’
underneath the anxiety and depression. Ask them what they truly think and
feel.
Also, if you are buried underneath anxiety or depression, something just
won’t feel right about the actions you are taking, but as you are buried
underneath the anxiety or depression, you will still believe they are your
actions. They are not. They are the actions of the anxiety or depression.
Your actions will make you feel warm inside and feel right.
Therefore, to reconnect with yourself, take the actions that make you feel
warm and right inside, instead of the actions of the anxiety or depression.
How can I snap out of a bad mood in seconds?
To snap out of a bad mood, ask yourself, ‘How would I be thinking about
this if I was in a good mood?’
If you continue to be in a bad mood, ask the question again for your next
thoughts until you begin to feel your mood lift.
If you are still unable to snap out of the bad mood, you need to find the
root cause of your bad mood and then ask the question for that. To find the
root cause of your bad mood, refer to “How can I lift my mood if it is still
not lifting?”
Another question you can ask whenever you wish to snap out of a bad
mood is, ‘What would I be focusing on right now if I was in a good mood?’
Then redirect your focus to what you would be focusing on.
How can I change how I feel for good?
Changing how you feel isn’t that hard, right? You just wait until you are in
a calmer and better mood and then through reasoning and looking for
evidence, you are able to change your negative beliefs and expectations into
positive beliefs and expectations. You now feel better and believe you are a
changed person.
However, a negative memory or particular context suddenly triggers your
old expectations and beliefs in your mind. You are upset because you
thought you had changed and now you feel exactly the same as you did in
the past.
However, your old negative beliefs and expectations do not have to
trouble you, because you have the power to remind yourself of your current
positive beliefs and expectations. These new expectations and beliefs are
what you believe currently. The old ones have just been triggered and are
trying to lure you back into their negativity. You can simply ignore them.
How can I improve how I feel about the idea of experiencing
something unpleasant?
To improve how you feel about the idea of doing something you dislike or
the idea of experiencing an emotional trigger, you need to associate the
trigger or dislike with a good mood.
At the moment, you have associated the emotional trigger or doing what
you dislike, with being in a bad mood.
To associate the trigger, or doing something you dislike, with being in a
good mood, visualise yourself experiencing the trigger and doing what you
dislike in a good mood.
For me, when I am in a good mood, (as mentioned previously), my mind
triggers nicer thoughts regardless of whether I am doing something I enjoy,
or whether I am experiencing an emotional trigger.
Therefore, to visualise yourself in a good mood experiencing the trigger
or doing something you dislike, visualise yourself thinking positively about
the trigger while experiencing it, or visualise yourself thinking positively
about an activity while doing it. Or, visualise yourself feeling happy about a
nice past memory, or a nice thought about something else while doing the
activity or experiencing the trigger.
How can I diminish my anger or annoyance?
Your anger or annoyance is down to the power of your beliefs and
expectations.
To not be angry or annoyed, realise the reason you feel this way is
because of you and not the person you are angry or annoyed at. Realise that
it is your values and beliefs that are being offended and, therefore, the
reason you feel this way is because of you.
If you didn’t have these values and expectations, you wouldn’t be feeling
angry or annoyed right now.
How can I stop blaming the external for how I feel?
To not blame the external, realise that it is your perception that determines
your reality. Therefore, the external is not responsible for how you feel,
only you are.
Realise, the reason why you feel any unpleasant feelings towards
anything outside of yourself is because you haven’t found, or adopted, a
positive perspective which would have the power to portray the external in
a positive light.
Also, realise that how you feel about something outside of yourself is a
result of the power of your mood. Haven’t you noticed that when you are in
a great, or calm mood, something that usually bothers you feels no way near
as bad? A bad mood can turn minor annoyances into major annoyances,
small difficulties into big difficulties, easy tasks into difficult tasks, minor
problems into major problems and so on. Therefore, if you are feeling
terrible about the external, realise it is not as bad as you are making it out to
be, but instead, a reflection of your mood at this moment in time.
How can I be less fearful of the future?
The future is only scary if you believe you do not have the tools inside
yourself to deal with anything.
As soon as I started believing that I was capable of dealing with anything
and that I had to just find the tools and wisdom inside of me, my fear and
dread of the future significantly decreased.
I got to this place by coming up with and then absorbing, the techniques,
realisations and ways of thinking that you will find throughout Mental
Hacks. Therefore, I am optimistic that you can also get to this place by
absorbing the techniques, ways of thinking and realisations in Mental
Hacks.
How to love yourself unconditionally and the benefits of loving
yourself unconditionally.
In order to develop unconditional love for yourself, you need to value
authenticity. I love myself unconditionally because I love the idea of being
truly authentic, so all of my flaws I love because they come along with my
authentic self.
As soon as I began to love myself unconditionally, my confidence and
self-esteem skyrocketed. I didn’t need any external catalyst to create this
change.
How can I remain unharmed by the hurtful words of others?
Other people’s thoughts and beliefs will not hurt or offend you if you do not
believe them.
Their perception will only hurt you if you also believe it.
Therefore, if you desire to not be hurt by their words, you need to change
your beliefs about their opinion. Think of all the reasons why their belief is
wrong.
How can I feel content in life and make as much progress as
possible?
If you would like to feel satisfied in life and make as much progress as
possible, you need to think about where you are living. Are you living in
what should be, what should’ve been, or what could be, or are you living in
what is?
If you are living the majority of your life in anything that isn’t what is,
you will not be able to enjoy and make the best of what is. After all, you
cannot live in two places at once.
Take a car journey, for example, if you keep turning around to drive back
to what should have been how are you going to make progress on your
journey? And if you are so distracted by road signs of what should be, or
what could be, how are you going to be able to drive to the best of your
ability and enjoy the experience of driving through the serene wilderness?
And even worse, as you are so busy looking at these signs of what should
be and what could be, you fail to acknowledge the beautiful sunset straight
ahead of you.
The car journey example shows that if you keep on living in what should
have been, what should be, or what could be, it will not only be harder to
make progress in what is, but you will not be able to enjoy what is. Also,
you will miss out on experiencing potential moments of beauty in what is,
because you are so focused on what should have been, what should be, or
what could be.
Remember, you have the power to decide where you live. Make sure it is
the right place.
How can I feel fine about the idea of change?
You can only feel better about the ever-changing external world by
changing your inner world.
As the external world is ever changing, you will never be able to
guarantee that what currently gives you satisfaction, security, comfort or
happiness will continue.
If you see it as your responsibility to feel good about the external world,
instead of the external world having to change or stay consistent to meet
your expectations, you will not fear change.
If you make sure your inner world is consistently happy and positive
through your attitude, you will feel consistently happy and positive
regardless of whether you continue to have what currently gives you
satisfaction, security, comfort or happiness.
Remember, how you feel about the external is just a reflection of how
you are feeling inside. If you feel joy and happiness inside, because you
have adopted a fantastic attitude towards everything in life, the everchanging external will reflect this fantastic attitude right back at you.
There is magic in ‘catching’ your negative thoughts
If you are aware of a thought that is bothering you, first ‘catch’ the thought.
Once you have caught the thought, hold it until you feel its energy
decreasing. Once the energy of the thought has gone, release it and move
on. (This exercise is particularly effective for me to deal with reoccurring
negative thoughts, so make sure to use it with your reoccurring negative
thoughts if you wish.)
You can also use the catching thoughts technique to get out of a bad
mood. To do this, first become aware of your thoughts. When you are aware
of the next negative thought, catch it, hold it, wait until its energy decreases
and respond to it with a positive thought. Repeat the process with any other
negative thoughts that follow until you start to feel your mood lifting.
The catching thoughts technique should be effective in lifting your mood.
However, if it is not, you need to get to the root cause of your bad mood
and work from there. If you need to address the root cause refer to “How
can I lift my mood if it is still not lifting?”
Your attitude towards unpleasant emotions and feelings can
change your experience.
Take two twin sisters. One is called Molly and the other is called Bella.
They are both feeling stressed about an upcoming job interview. They get a
call from one of their friends, Sandra, who would like to go out for a night
on the town. Molly decides not to because she is too stressed. She believes
she’d be unable to have fun when she feels on edge like this. However,
Bella decides to go. She accepts she feels stressed, but she believes that you
do not have to be feeling perfect to still have fun and enjoy yourself. Molly
stays at home and dwells on her stress, whereas Bella goes out on the town.
Although she feels stressed, she still feels moments of delight especially
when her favourite song comes on in the club. She gets home and looks
back on the night with a smile. Molly looks back on her night with
dissatisfaction.
Molly’s attitude towards unpleasant emotions and feeling is that they are
debilitating and the ultimate destroyer of enjoyment. Whereas Bella’s
attitude is that they are not debilitating and you can still enjoy yourself even
if you are feeling down or anxious.
I used to have Molly’s attitude towards unpleasant emotions and feelings,
but now I have Bella’s attitude. Since adopting Bella’s attitude,
uncomfortable feelings and emotions affect me a lot less than they used to
and I am no longer scared of them.
Therefore, consciously decide to adopt Bella’s attitude instead of
Molly’s.
How can I stop longing to be less emotional, less anxious etc?
I feel things very deeply, but I am fine with the idea of being this emotional,
as I know there are more advantages to being emotional than there are
disadvantages. (If I wasn’t emotional, I would be less likely to experience
ecstasy over the little things that I do on a regular basis.)
Therefore, to stop longing to be less of anything, think of the advantages
of being the way you are. There are advantages to everything, so keep
searching until you find the advantages.
How to relieve a panic attack, anger, anxiety, or any negative
feeling.
To relieve anger, anxiety, or any negative feeling, you need to work on
relieving the anger, anxiety, or negative feeling in your body.
To relieve the anger, anxiety or negative feeling, tense up all of your
body, as hard as you can, for a few seconds. Then release. Repeat the
process two times.
How can I feel more motivated to do something when I feel so
tired and depressed?
To feel more motivated to carry out a task, set yourself a goal with a tight
time limit.
The idea of carrying out a task as quickly as possible will not only be
satisfying when you aren’t in the mood for it but it could also present a fun
challenge.
Also, create a feeling of frustration.
When I feel so little energy or motivation to do something, I think about
how much I could have completed with more energy and motivation.
Consequently, I feel a great sense of frustration and have the incentive to act
right away.
How to use goal setting to distract yourself from anxiety.
Goal setting can also help with anxiety, as it can be used as a distraction
from your anxious thoughts.
For example, if the idea of grocery shopping triggers anxiety within you,
for whatever reason, you can set yourself a mission to complete your
grocery shop in the quickest time possible.
Make sure that the goal you set to distract yourself from your anxious
thoughts will be of benefit if you were to complete it successfully. For
example, if you were to complete your grocery shop in the quickest time
possible, you would have more time to enjoy cooking and more time to eat
your tasty lunch.
How you can avoid the top causes of unhappiness.
After analysing myself deeply, I found that the top three causes of my
unhappiness were blaming the external for how I felt on the inside, using
the external to make myself feel better and seeking happiness from the
external. When I stopped blaming the external for how I felt, looked for
answers and solutions from within and stopped seeking happiness from the
external, I was able to find internal peace. Therefore, you can find internal
peace by avoiding these causes of unhappiness.
To stop blaming the external for how you feel on the inside refer to
“How can I stop blaming the external for how I feel?”
To stop using the external to make yourself feel better, realise it is not an
effective way to feel better. Haven’t you noticed that when you are in a bad
mood you can very rarely enjoy anything and trying to change your mood
through an external stimulus is like fighting a battle you will never win?
This shows the external does not have your answers. To feel better, you
need to find the answers from within.
To stop looking to the external for happiness, realise that seeking
happiness from the external is a hopeless task if you are not happy inside
first. The external can only trigger happiness if there is happiness inside of
you that can be triggered. I experienced this first-hand the other day when I
was eating my, what I thought would be a tasty, lunch in a bad mood. The
lunch tasted tasteless, however, when I ate my dinner, which was a meal
that I would usually consider less tasty, in a good mood, it tasted delicious
and much better than the lunch.
Also, to stop looking to the external for happiness, realise that you can be
happy for no reason at all. The other day, while I was doing a household job
that is one of my least favourite jobs, I felt great for no identifiable reason.
It certainly was not because of the housework!
All of this doesn’t mean that you should stop doing the things you
usually enjoy; it just means that you should stop ‘seeking’ happiness from
the external.
How to follow your excitement for maximum pleasure.
Instead of seeking happiness from the external or following what you think
will make you happy, you should just go and do something out of
excitement or passion. Follow how you feel inside, in the moment, instead
of what you think will make you feel good because of how it made you feel
in the past or because of another person’s beliefs or society’s beliefs.
How can I get rid of an addiction or attachment to something
in the external?
To get rid of an addiction or attachment, let go of the idea that the addiction
or attachment is the cause of your happiness. If the addiction or attachment
were the true cause of your happiness, it would be able to make you feel
happy every single time. But I assume this isn’t the case.
Also, realise that you can feel happy without the specific external
stimulus you crave. As mentioned previously, when you are in a high state
of mind, the state of mind reflects off of the external and therefore you will
feel happy about other things too.
How can I change my values for the better?
To change your values for the better, you need to first figure out what they
currently are. Do you value health and fitness, beauty, orderliness,
discipline…?
Then if you are suffering, you need to figure out which of your values are
causing you to suffer in your daily life. For instance, is your value of
success causing you to be too hard on yourself? Or is your value of
enjoyment causing your pleasure addiction?
Then you need to think about some alternative values which would hurt
you less if you were to adopt them instead. For instance, instead of valuing
success you could value continuous improvement, or instead of valuing
enjoyment you could value variety.
In order to successfully adopt a new value, you need to prove to yourself
that you will suffer less and be better off adopting it instead of continuing to
have the old value.
How can I stop feeling distressed when something doesn’t turn
out like I expected?
To stop being distressed, you need to stop being attached to a particular
outcome.
To let go of a particular outcome, realise that if you desire a specific
outcome you will never get it because reality will never perfectly match the
visualisation in your mind.
Once you have let go, you can focus on enjoying and savouring every
moment of an experience instead of analysing whether reality is matching
the outcome you long for.
How can I break out of a negative thinking habit?
To break out of your negative thinking habit, you need to make a habit of
reacting to every negative thought with a positive thought. Continue to do
this until you start to feel more positive in your day-to-day life.
Why you are able to change how you feel.
You have the power to change how you feel because you can change what
just happened and make ‘what was’ irrelevant in the present.
To change what just happened, become aware of a negative thought that
you have just had, or have had recently if you are feeling bad. Then you can
rewrite this negative thought with a positive thought that you genuinely
believe in. To find a positive thought you genuinely believe in, refer to
“How to use self-awareness to feel better?”
To make ‘what was’ irrelevant in the present, refer to “How to use
visualisation to assure yourself you will not have to relive your painful
past memories” and “How self-awareness made me realise my
unpleasant feelings weren’t genuine?”
How can I lift my mood if it is still not lifting?
If your mood is still not lifting, you need to get to the root cause of your
mood.
Try and think back to when your bad mood started. What were you
concerned or upset about at the time? Once you have discovered the root
cause, you can then change how you feel about the root cause by referring
to “How can I snap out of a bad mood in seconds?” and “How to use
self-awareness to feel better?”
If the root cause isn’t the reason for your bad mood continuing, because
you are actually over the root cause, you need to find the reason your bad
mood is continuing. Think back to when your bad mood started, then think
of other concerns you had once you were in the bad mood. The concerns
that still bother you are the reason your mood is continuing.
To get over these concerns, refer to “How can I snap out of a bad mood
in seconds?” and “How to use self-awareness to feel better?”
The Power of Negative Feelings
How to create good feelings through bad feelings.
You can create good feelings through bad feelings by changing what you
associate unpleasant feelings with.
For example, when you are in a foul mood, you can associate the feeling
with excitement. I am sure you have experienced how great it feels after
you come out of a bad mood into a good mood or when you start to feel
better after an unpleasant event. Get excited when experiencing the
unpleasant feeling for this feeling.
You can also associate negative feelings with something like
productivity. For instance, if you are feeling bad because you are working
on a task you do not enjoy, you can feel good about this negative feeling
because you are being productive and actually getting what you need to get
done completed instead of procrastinating.
Another concept you could associate unpleasant feelings with is a lack of
resistance. As you are feeling your negative feelings, you cannot be
resisting them and not resisting something is a rewarding feeling in itself.
You can also associate uncomfortable feelings with gratitude. You can be
grateful for your feelings because if you happen to feel a good feeling in the
next moment, it will feel very strong due to the contrast between good and
bad. Surely, that is better than being in an apathetic state of mind where you
feel indifferent? Unpleasant feelings allow us to feel alive!
How to use guilt to enjoy your life to the full.
I feel guilty if I focus on negative thoughts or feeling bad when I could be
savouring something I enjoy. The guilt encourages me to return to savour
the moment, and consequently, I find it easy to not focus on my negative
thoughts or feeling bad.
Therefore, to enjoy your pleasures to the full, you need to feel guilty
about focusing on negative thoughts and feelings when you could be
savouring a moment. Think about the reasons why you should feel guilty
for not savouring a moment.
I feel guilty about not savouring a moment because I value times when I
have the opportunity to enjoy my pleasures. With hectic lifestyles, none of
us have the opportunity to indulge in our pleasures 24/7, and therefore, the
time I have the opportunity to savour my pleasures is extremely valuable to
me. If I waste this time being negative, I feel I have lost something
valuable.
How are my fears a way out of fear?
I have consistently found, since I was a little girl, that facing my fears is
never as scary as anticipating my fears.
I used to have a huge fear of public speaking. The idea of doing
presentations especially used to make me feel incredibly anxious. However,
as soon as I started doing the presentations, my fear went away. It wasn’t
just with presentations that the anticipation was worse than the actual thing,
it was with all my other fears too.
With the realisation that the anticipation is the scary bit and I can escape
this anticipation through facing my fears, I now look forward to facing my
fears. Now, I no longer fear public speaking, because I realise it is ironically
a way out of fear. So, a question to ask yourself is, ‘If your fears are a way
out of fear, why are they something to fear?’
How to increase your motivation through anxiety.
When I used to have extremely low energy levels due to low levels of the
hormone progesterone, the idea of doing anything filled me with a sense of
doom.
However, when I felt slightly anxious, I felt less doom about the idea of
doing things. I found having a little bit of anxiety raised my energy levels.
(Of course, it is not a good idea to try and generate a high level of anxiety,
but a slight level definitely increased my motivation to do things.)
To create a slight level of anxiety, think about what slightly scares you
about not doing something, or what scares you about procrastinating? For
example, do you have a fear of missing out? Do you have a fear of not
finishing something?
How to feel better by distracting yourself with your lesser
concerns.
To feel better when you are preoccupied with one of your greater concerns,
distract yourself with your lesser concerns. To do this, think about
something else that could slightly concern you right now and focus on that
instead of your greater concern.
How to use ‘danger’ to feel calmer.
To feel calmer, think about the potential dangers of not staying calm. Or, in
other words, think of reasons why you ‘have’ to stay calm. (You can also
use this exercise to encourage yourself to stay positive by thinking of the
reasons you ‘have’ to stay positive.)
The Power of Memories and the
Past
How to use your memory to feel consistently good about
everything.
After analysing my mind deeply, I found that the way I felt towards
something was a result of recent memories of myself thinking about it. Less
recent memories of myself thinking about something were less relevant
because they were not recent. Therefore, if you desire to feel more positive
about whatever is causing your suffering, you need to make sure you have
some recent memories of yourself thinking and feeling good about
whatever is causing your suffering. (To think and feel good about whatever
is causing my suffering, I remind myself of some of the realisations in
Mental Hacks and also use some of Mental Hack’s techniques and ways of
thinking. Once you get to the end of the book, you will know which
techniques, realisations and ways of thinking would be the best for you to
use to improve how you feel towards something.)
Once you have some recent memories of yourself thinking and feeling
good about something, think back to them whenever old, negative feelings
about it are triggered.
If you already have some recent memories, you can simply think back to
these memories whenever you are triggered.
To feel consistently good about everything, use the technique above
whenever you wish to feel good about anything.
How to use your memory to redefine yourself.
After analysing my mind deeply, I also discovered the most recent
memories of myself thinking in a particular way, or feeling a particular way,
were the memories that I unknowingly used to define myself.
Therefore, if you would like to feel a new, improved person, you need to
make sure that the most recent memories of yourself feeling and thinking
about the world match the person you wish to be.
For example, if you wish to be a calmer person, you need to create some
recent memories that show you feeling and thinking about things in a calm
way. (To feel calmer and think more calmly, find some relevant realisations
in Mental Hacks, or use any of Mental Hack’s relevant techniques or ways
of thinking.)
Now that you have some recent memories of yourself feeling and
thinking in a particular way, you can remind yourself of the memories to
improve your experience in your daily life.
For example, if you now have some recent memories of yourself feeling
and thinking more calmly, you can use them to prove to yourself that you
can expect to feel calm in any situation because you are a calm person.
How to use your memory to become more positive.
First, you need to consciously work on adopting this quality. You need to
make a deliberate effort for a whole week to be more positive. Every time
you get a negative thought you should respond to the thought with a
positive thought.
Then, at the end of the week, look back on the memories that
demonstrate you have adopted the quality. As you now have memories that
prove you have the quality, you will now believe you have it.
I have found that once I believe I am a particular way; I then stay that
way. However, if you find yourself slipping back into negativity, just repeat
the exercise for another week.
How to use your memory to reduce your fears about the future.
First, become aware of your expectations about the future. What are you
expecting that is making you anxious or scared about something?
Now find evidence to convince yourself that your expectations about the
future are invalid. Are you only using negative memories to predict the
future? Are you being overdramatic? (Make sure that when you are looking
for evidence to convince yourself that your expectations are invalid, you are
in a calm and positive mood.)
Once you have convinced yourself that your expectations about the
future are invalid, you can think back to how you feel right now, the next
time your old expectations about the future make you feel scared.
How to use your memory to reduce dissatisfaction and distress.
First, become aware of the expectations that are causing your dissatisfaction
or distress. Are they expectations about how life should be, expectations
about how people should be, or expectations about how something should
be?
Then, for expectations about how life should be, find evidence to show
you can still feel happy in life despite, it not being exactly the way you
want. (Make sure you are in a calm and positive mood when looking for
evidence to prove your expectations are invalid.)
For expectations about how someone should be, think of the reasons why
you can still feel positively about the person that is not meeting your
expectations.
For expectations about how something should be, think of the reasons
why you can still feel satisfied with it despite its imperfections.
Then next time you feel distressed or dissatisfaction due to any of the
expectations, you can think back to how you are thinking right now.
How to use your memory to ease reoccurring negative feelings.
First, identify what you have reoccurring negative feelings about.
Then when you are in a calm and positive mood, change how you feel
towards whatever you have reoccurring negative feelings about. (You can
change how you feel towards whatever you have reoccurring negative
feelings about on your own, or you can refer to the relevant ways of
thinking, realisations and techniques from Mental Hacks.)
Once you have changed how you feel towards whatever you have
reoccurring negative feelings about, you can then think back to how you are
thinking and feeling right now, the next time your reoccurring negative
feelings are triggered.
How to feel the best you possibly can by choosing the ‘right’
memories.
To feel the best you possibly can consciously, choose to think about the best
memories. For example, if you are dreading the idea of going to work, think
of the nicest times you have been to work.
Or, if you can identify a negative memory that has triggered your
negative feelings in the present, consciously think of the nicer parts of that
memory.
Also, to feel the best you possibly can, define yourself as the memories
where you were the happiest, most positive and so on.
How to use your memory to not fear unpleasant emotions and
feelings.
I used to fear unpleasant feelings and emotions because I believed if I was
feeling bad, the only thing I would feel would be nasty feelings and
emotions until I came out of the bad mood. However, I then realised that
uncomfortable feelings and emotions were unable to stop me from
experiencing moments of pleasure while in the bad mood.
I found this out when watching one of my favourite shows. I was in an
anxious and down mood, but I still could experience intense moments of
pleasure watching it. The moments of pleasure felt intense due to the
contrast between my nice feelings and my unpleasant feelings.
The experience changed my life because I now have a memory that I can
look back on, which shows I can still feel good while I am in the midst of
feeling uncomfortable feelings and emotions. I now use the memory to
calm myself down whenever I feel unpleasant feelings and emotions.
Also, I used to fear uncomfortable feelings and emotions because I
believed that they would debilitate me. However, I began to realise that in
some cases they actually had the opposite effect. They actually encouraged
me to change myself, or something, for the better. Also, they couldn’t stop
me from carrying on with life as normal.
Now, whenever I experience unpleasant feelings and emotions, I remind
myself of the memories that show me taking effective action due to
uncomfortable feelings and emotions and also memories that show me still
being able to carry on as normal despite experiencing them. Consequently,
my fear of the feelings and emotions decreases.
Therefore, to feel less fear, when you experience unpleasant feelings and
emotions, you need to think back to some memories where you could still
experience moments of pleasure and happiness while experiencing
uncomfortable feelings and emotions, or think back to some memories
where unpleasant feelings and emotions were not debilitating.
How to use your memory to feel more grateful.
To increase your satisfaction and gratitude, think of a memory where you
were satisfied with less than you currently have in life, or memories where
you were satisfied with less than you have in your current experience.
Use the past to know what you can and can ’t control.
To decrease your anxiety, you need to increase your sense of control. By
focusing on what you can control instead of what you can’t will increase
this sense. To know what you realistically can and can’t control, think about
what you could and could not control in the past.
How to stop the past from ‘downgrading’ the present.
I believe that one of the reasons we feel unhappy is because we remember
the past as being better than it was. We sort of idealise it and then compare
it to our imperfect present. We therefore feel dissatisfied with our imperfect
present as it seems a lot worse when we compare it to our ‘perfect’ past.
To feel better about your imperfect present, think about the negative parts
of your past instead of just focusing on the positives. You may well realise
there isn’t as much of a stark contrast between the past and the present as
you first thought.
To feel even better about your imperfect present, compare the negative
aspects of the past with the positive aspects of the present.
How to use your memory to continue feeling the best you
possibly can.
If you do not believe you have seen a dramatic change in how you feel on a
daily basis, it may be because you forget to use the techniques on a regular
basis, or you forget to remind yourself about the ways of thinking and
realisations in Mental Hacks on a regular basis.
Next time you feel sad, depressed or anxious, use this as a trigger that
you have forgotten to use the techniques, or you have forgotten to remind
yourself of the ways of thinking and realisations.
How to use forgotten memories to feel better in the present.
If you wonder why you were able to handle something in the past, or you
wonder why you were a lot happier in the past, it may be because you have
forgotten how the past you used to think about things.
Therefore, to use forgotten memories to feel better in the present, try to
remember how you used to think about things when you were happier and
better equipped to handle life. Then you can adopt your past ways of
thinking in the present.
If you cannot identify the forgotten memories, you can instead imagine
the thoughts that the happier past you would most likely be thinking right
now and think these instead of the thoughts you are currently thinking.
How to use your memories to give you hope in the present.
Think of all the memories where you were able to get over something. Each
time you got over something, you unconsciously, or consciously, thought
about that thing in another way. This other way of thinking was out there all
along, you just hadn’t adopted it right away.
Therefore, if you are currently struggling to ‘get over’ something, know
that the other way of thinking is out there. You are just not aware of it yet.
But it is out there and ready to be adopted.
Create trigger words for life.
If you desire, you can create trigger words instead of the trigger memories
described above to feel the best you possibly can.
Come up with some trigger words for your life in general and then you
can think of the trigger words whenever you feel down. When coming up
with your trigger words, associate positive memories and positive thoughts
with your trigger words. (I will explain the concept further in the next
paragraph.)
To explain the concept further, I will describe how I created my own
trigger words. My trigger words for life are positivity, progress and 2016.
When creating the trigger word positivity, I came up with a thought I
could associate with it. The thought I came up with was, Positivity is a
choice, because there is always a positive thought out there that would
make you feel better, so you can think that instead of the negative thought
you just had. Now, whenever I say the trigger word ‘positivity’ it reminds
me of this thought. As a result, I consciously find a positive thought, instead
of the negative thought I just had and I feel better. (To easily find positive
thoughts that would be effective in making you feel better refer to “How to
use self-awareness to feel better?”)
I also chose progress for my trigger word. When creating the trigger
word ‘progress’ I visualised myself moving forward to a brighter future and
told myself this visualisation can be associated with anything, because we
are constantly moving forward and if we do not know what will happen in
the future, why shouldn’t it be brighter? I also created positive associations
with the word ‘progress’ by thinking about the times making progress made
me feel good when I was doing something I didn’t enjoy. Also, if you have
a goal in life that you are trying to achieve, you can associate this goal with
the trigger word ‘progress’, to remind yourself of your passion and purpose,
when you are feeling unmotivated and down. (To find a life goal refer to
“Focus on a life goal to decrease your depression or anxiety.”) Now,
whenever I say the trigger word ‘progress’, I feel energised because I am
reminded of the goals I am passionate about, and also I feel better because I
imagine myself moving forwards to a brighter future and I feel more
motivated to do tasks I do not enjoy.
I also chose the trigger word ‘2016’ as I admire the person I was then. I
had a very optimistic attitude towards life, I got on with things, and nothing
really bothered me. I was a lover of my imperfect life and just happy. When
creating the trigger word, I deliberately thought of all the memories of
myself in 2016 getting on with things, memories of my attitude towards life
in general back then and memories of my positive feelings and thoughts
towards the stuff that started to severely bother me when my hormones first
became imbalanced in 2017. Now, whenever I say the word ‘2016’, it takes
me back to the person I was in 2016. I feel her inside of me again. It’s
amazing.
Create trigger words to remove negative associations.
You can also create trigger words to remove negative associations.
For example, if you get home from work one day and you are really tired
and the idea of having a shower, is not in the slightest bit appealing, (I
know having a shower is a trivial example, but it helps explain the
concept!) you can create some trigger words so your experience improves
next time.
In this mood, think of the words you’d probably associate with the idea
of having a shower. They’d probably be the words ‘tiredness’, ‘dread’,
‘hassle’ etc. Instead, think of alternative, nicer words you could associate
with having a shower after a long day. They could be ‘warmth’ because the
water is warm, or ‘progress’ because you do make progress showering. You
will be out of the shower and in bed soon!
Make sure you believe in the trigger words by thinking of the reasons
why something could be associated with these words.
Then, next time you are triggered by whatever you have given negative
associations, you can think of your trigger words.
The Power of Comfort, Pride
and ‘Cosiness’
How to create a feeling of comfort.
You can create a feeling of comfort to reduce your emotional discomfort.
To create a feeling of comfort, think about past memories that make you
feel warm inside. What kind of memories take you back to that warm, safe
place, or that time when you felt like your old, happy self?
You can also think of thoughts that create a feeling of comfort. What
thoughts can you think right now that would reassure you, or make you feel
that safe feeling inside?
A sense of being in control also provides a sense of comfort. Think of
everything you have control over in your life right now. Also, think about
all the things you have successfully controlled recently.
How to create a feeling of ‘cosiness’.
When I feel ‘cosy’, all of my troubles seem far away. Therefore, lose
yourself in activities that make you feel cosy when you feel troubled. That
may include drinking a warm drink, sitting by a warm fire, or watching a
sitcom from your childhood.
Create pride through your challenges.
Use your challenges as an opportunity to create pride and then you will be
able to associate challenge with pride instead of difficulty.
To associate challenge with pride, play a game where you have to figure
out how to overcome your extreme challenges or difficult feelings. When
you figure out how to overcome them, you can almost bet you will feel a
great level of pride.
If you are facing extremely challenging times, this is an opportunity to
create extra pride. Say something to yourself along the lines of, “Who else
would be facing this head on right now?” Or, “Wow look at you, you are
superhuman being able to successfully cope with this.”
Even if it is something more trivial such as getting up at six a.m. in the
morning for a workout, this is still an opportunity to create pride. Say
something to yourself along the lines of, “Who else is doing this right now?
Not many people. You should be so proud of yourself.”
How to raise your self-esteem through pride.
If you are suffering from low self-esteem, try associating pride with
characteristics you do have.
For instance, if you associate pride with being rich, and you are not rich,
it will be difficult to feel pride. However, if you believe that someone
should have pride if they are kind, and you are kind, you will be able to feel
proud of yourself.
The Power of Focus and
Intention
Where should I direct my focus to worry less about the future?
To worry less about the future, think about what ‘could’ go right instead of
what ‘could’ go wrong. The emphasis on ‘could’ means that you are
focusing on something that you genuinely believe ‘could’ happen instead of
forcing yourself to believe an outcome that you do not genuinely believe.
Any time you get a negative thought about what could go wrong, think
these thoughts about what could go right.
Where should I direct my focus to feel the best I possibly can?
To feel the best you possibly can:
Focus on what went right instead of what went wrong.
Focus on what you can do instead of what you can’t.
Focus on what you do have rather than what you don’t have.
Focus on what’s right instead of what’s wrong.
Focusing on an all-consuming passion can decrease depression
or anxiety.
If you have anxiety or depression and you do not have an all-consuming
passion, try to find one that you could focus on in your day-to-day life.
What I mean by an all-consuming passion, is an activity such as playing
an instrument, or playing a sport, that makes you totally forget about
everything, because you enjoy it so much.
An all-consuming passion could also be a goal that makes you feel great
excitement or a reason for getting up in the morning that fills you with joy.
When I am distracted by an all-consuming passion, my brain is so busy
focusing on this passion that it does not have the time for anxious or
depressive thoughts. Therefore, you can have hope that if you find an allconsuming passion, you will be able to escape your anxious and depressive
thoughts.
To find an all-consuming passion, think about what goal excites you. Or,
think about what activity you could take up that excites you. Or, think of a
reason that would make you feel intense joy about getting up every
morning.
Focus on a life goal to decrease your depression or anxiety.
Think about a life goal that you could focus on every day of your life. Some
examples of life goals you could have could be: to make significant
progress every day, to figure out how to use your mind to feel the best you
possibly can, to become as self-aware as possible, to discover something
new about the world every day, to make the most of every moment, or to
find out what you are capable of.
My life goal is to figure out how to use my mind in new ways each day to
feel the best I possibly can. This life goal excites me because I love
exploring the depths of my mind and problem-solving. Also, I love
knowing that I am living my best possible life by figuring out how to feel
the best I possibly can.
When I focus on my life goal every day, my mind has something
significant to focus on and therefore does not resort to focusing on
negativity or anxiety.
How to focus on the good in something, when the bad
outweighs the good?
First, find the good by searching hard for the good aspects of something.
Once you have found some good aspects, consciously focus on these
aspects instead of the bad aspects. (There is good in everything. You just
have to sometimes blow up the good and really focus on it.)
How can I stop focusing on how bad I feel about something?
To stop focusing on how bad you feel about something, first consciously
decide to treat the thoughts in your head and what you feel in your body as
separate entities.
Now, find some positive thoughts about whatever is causing you distress.
Make sure you believe in these thoughts. To find some positive thoughts
that you believe in, you could think about how you’d be thinking about
whatever is bothering you if you were in a calm state or feeling good.
Alternatively, you can think about what you’d think if the unpleasant
feelings in your body didn’t exist.
Now that you have some positive thoughts which you believe in, you can
focus on these thoughts instead of the unpleasant feelings in your body
whenever your negative feelings about something are triggered.
Remember, the thoughts in your head, if you believe in them, are just as
valid as the unpleasant sensations in your body, so you have every reason to
focus on them instead.
How to get through an unpleasant task or event using the
power of focus?
If you have an upcoming task or event that you are not looking forward to,
you can use the power of focus to distract yourself while carrying out the
task or to distract yourself during the event.
One way you can distract yourself is by continuously focusing on how
far you’ve come from the start. Focus on how you are moving towards the
finish line of the event or task.
Another way is to continuously focus on the outcome. Continuously
think about how great you are going to feel once you have completed the
task, or your relief when the event is over.
If you are feeling stressed, focus on the next hour.
If you are feeling stressed about something, outside of the next hour, focus
only on the next hour. You can reassure your brain that it is safe to not look
beyond the next hour, by setting a specific time where you will look beyond
the next hour to effectively plan for whatever you are worried about.
How to redirect your focus to stop worrying you won’t achieve
something?
If you are worried you will not achieve something, focus not on the
outcome, but on giving your best effort, taking the right actions and making
progress.
The outcome will then take care of itself and you can be reassured it will
be the best one possible.
How to use intention setting to feel good despite the
circumstances?
It is simple. Set it as your intention to enjoy yourself as much as possible, or
set it as your intention to stay as calm as possible, despite the
circumstances.
How to feel like I am getting the best possible deal out of life
through intention setting?
Set it as your intention to be on the path to the best possible outcome. You
will then know you are on the path to the best possible outcome even if you
have not reached it yet.
How to make negative thoughts and feelings powerless through
intention setting?
When I set it as my intention to savour something I enjoy, my focus
becomes fixated on whatever I am enjoying.
Set it as your intention, therefore, to savour your pleasures and interests
to the maximum.
How to not focus on social anxiety?
To not focus on your social anxiety, focus intensely on carrying out an
action of some kind.
For instance, if you have just arrived at a pub for after work drinks with
work colleagues and you start to feel anxious, focus intensely on ordering a
drink for yourself.
Become hyper focused on everything that the task consists of, such as the
process of inserting your card and typing in your pin, or making sure that
they charged you the right amount.
How to use intention to calm my fears?
If you believe that you are unable to do something, set it as your intention
to prove yourself wrong.
When I intend to prove myself wrong, I find that I am so distracted by
trying to prove myself wrong, I forget about my fears.
The Power of Comparison
How to make anything seem better than it is?
Take four categories. They are ‘the best’, ‘the better’, ‘the worse’ and ‘the
worst’.
Take four foods. You label chocolate as ‘the best’. You label chicken as
‘the better’. You label a banana as ‘the worse’. You label spinach as ‘the
worst’.
If you were to compare the chicken with the banana, it would seem a lot
better than if you were to compare the chicken with the chocolate.
Likewise, if you were to compare the banana with the spinach, it would
seem a lot better than if you were to compare the banana with the chicken.
Now, add two other foods into the equation. You class pizza as the best of
the best and mushrooms as the worst of the worst.
If you were to compare the chocolate with the chicken, the chocolate
would seem better than if you were to compare it with the pizza. Likewise,
if you were to compare the spinach with the mushrooms, it would seem
better than if you were to compare the spinach with the banana.
Therefore, you need to compare whatever you class as ‘the best’ with
‘the better’, whatever you class as ‘the better’ with ‘the worse’, whatever
you class as ‘the worse’ with ‘the worst’ and whatever you class as the ‘the
worst’ with ‘the worst of the worst’.
For example, if you are currently experiencing something you’d put into
‘the worse’ category, compare it to experiences that you would put into ‘the
worst’ category. Or, if you class tennis as ‘the best’ compare it to sports you
would put into ‘the better’ category such as water polo.
How to use the power of comparison to feel better in a panic
attack, negative chain of thoughts or bad mood?
To feel better, first become aware of how you feel moment to moment.
Take note of the moments you are feeling at your worst and keep the
memory of one or two of these moments in the back of your mind.
Then compare the one or two worst moments with the moments you are
feeling better than the one or two worst moments.
How to make something seem less embarrassing or difficult?
To make something seem less embarrassing, compare it to a memory of
something more embarrassing.
To make something seem less difficult, compare it to a memory of
something more difficult.
How to feel less busy, less stressed and more confident and
productive?
To feel less busy, compare your current experience to a time when you were
busier.
If you would like to feel less stressed, compare to a time when you were
more stressed.
If you wish to feel more confident, compare to a time when you felt less
confident.
If you would like to feel like you are making progress, compare to a time
when you made less progress.
How can I stop feeling inferior to others?
To stop feeling inferior to others, you need to stop comparing yourself with
others.
Instead, compare yourself with your former self.
Find the reasons why you are superior to your past self. For example,
think about how much stronger you are now than you were a year ago, or
think about how you are a lot more confident than you were a year ago.
The Power of Imagination and
Visualisation
How to make peace with your mind.
You can make peace with your mind by seeing it as a kind teacher.
See your mind as a teacher that wants you to problem solve for yourself.
It will keep on repeating problems until you find the answers by adopting
another perspective or taking effective action.
However, you can also see your mind as a kind teacher because it does do
you favours. Think of all the times that you have had a eureka moment, or
you have looked back on something and thought going through that
emotional pain was worthwhile because you learnt so much and it made
you a stronger and better person. See these times as being gifts from the
kind teacher that is your mind.
Also, the mind drifts to better and more interesting places when you are
feeling bored and it doesn’t make you suffer eternally as you do get over
things, or they do get easier. Your mind just wants you to learn.
By seeing your mind as a teacher instead of feeling victim to it, you will
feel less fearful of challenging times, or unpleasant feelings in general. See
the unpleasant feelings you experience on a regular basis as simply being a
problem that you haven’t successfully worked out how to solve through
adopting another perspective. Your mind gives you emotional problems not
to cause pain, but to learn how to solve them for yourself.
The people who I believe have the potential to be happiest are those who
learn from the teacher in their heads the quickest. Those who have the most
comfortable house, the nicest car, or the easy job are not necessarily the
happiest people. They also have their problems. We all have a teacher in our
mind so that means we are all going to have problems that need solving.
But those who are able to learn the lessons the quickest are able to leave the
classroom of pain the quickest and are ultimately, therefore, the happiest.
Treat life as being a fun game of solving your teacher’s problems instead
of a fighting battle.
Imagine more than one reality.
To feel like you aren’t trapped in one reality, imagine more than one reality
existing alongside yours. To get to this better reality you can:
1. Imagine a reality where you had positive thoughts about whatever is
causing you to suffer instead of negative thoughts.
Or
2. Imagine a reality where your circumstances are the same, but you did
not have the negative thoughts and therefore you are happier.
Or
3. Imagine a reality alongside yours where you are in a better mood, less
anxious, or depressed about your current situation.
Imagine all the ways something could be worse.
If you are in a difficult, or frustrating, situation imagine all the ways this
situation could be worse.
Imagine your two selves having a conversation.
Another great technique is to visualise a conversation between yourself in a
bad mood and yourself in a good mood. Picture what they would say to
each other.
How to ease daily dread through visualisation?
If you are someone who seems to be in a constant state of dread, become
aware of what you tend to dread daily.
Then come up with some realistic and positive visualisations of yourself
doing, or experiencing, whatever you dread. Then, whenever you get a
feeling of dread, respond to this dread with these positive visualisations.
Make the unknown known.
To feel less anxious or depressed about the upcoming day, make the
unknown known.
Imagine the upcoming day in your mind. Play out your day right from the
start to the end. Include every little detail to make it as realistic as possible.
Make sure the day you play out includes positive aspects that you
realistically believe could happen.
Use imagination as an escape.
You can escape your reality with your imagination. As imagination can feel
so real, you can make yourself feel in a different reality right now.
Imagine yourself in a different place that you desire to be in. Imagine
what you’d hear, touch, smell, see and taste.
Imagine multiple versions of yourself.
If your brain is currently full of negative thoughts, imagine two miniature
versions of yourself inside of your head. One can be the negative you and
the other can be the positive you. Differentiate the negative and positive
you by imagining them being dressed in different clothes and having
different hairstyles and facial expressions.
Then imagine the negative version pressing a button releasing the
negative thoughts into your brain. Then imagine the positive version getting
frustrated because the negative you is not allowing them to press their
button which will release positive thoughts about what you are upset about.
This exercise reassures me, when I am feeling negative, that there are
always alternative, better thoughts out there. I am just not thinking them.
Imagine you are someone else.
If you long to be that person who always seems so happy, or that person
who seems to handle life effortlessly, or that person who seems unfazed by
everything, pretend you are them using your imagination.
Imagine what they would be thinking right now about whatever you are
upset about and think those thoughts.
Imagine the beliefs they would have and intentionally think of thoughts
that match these beliefs.
How to use your imagination to feel excited about the future.
To feel excited, first plan to do something you enjoy or love later. Then
visualise yourself enjoying it and imagine how great you’d feel inside
enjoying it.
To use your imagination to feel excited about something in the distant
future, use the same exercise.
Imagine you are in a different context.
You can escape the emotional pain of your current reality, by imagining you
are in a different context.
Imagine you are in a film, music video, video game or another country.
Insert the best version of yourself into your visualisations of the
future.
To feel more positive about the future, insert the best version of yourself
into your visualisations of the future.
For every negative visualisation of the future that comes into your head,
insert the strong, happy and positive you into the visualisation.
Use your ‘future self’ for guidance.
I am sure you would have plenty of advice to give to the younger you if you
were to meet them in person today.
However, you cannot change your past self, but you can improve your
current self.
To do this, think about the advice the future you would give to the current
you if they were to meet in person.
Pretend you are comforting a small child.
To comfort yourself, pretend you are comforting a small child.
Reassure them of the reasons why they shouldn’t be scared about
whatever is causing you discomfort.
See the world through the eyes of a kid.
If you are suffering as a result of over-analysis, or dwelling, pretend you are
a kid as you observe your inner and outer world. Observe the world in a
straightforward and literal way, like a kid would.
If you can remember back to when you were a kid, you could also see the
world through their eyes again. What would they be thinking and focusing
on right now, or what would they think and feel about what is causing you
distress?
Mark your mind’s answers as wrong instead of right.
If you feel bad the majority of the time, see it as being a result of your mind
constantly answering one of those ‘prove’ questions on an exam paper.
Your mind is trying to prove to you your negative beliefs, fears, thoughts,
and predictions are valid, and you are marking its answers as right.
You don’t have to mark its answers as right. You can mark them as wrong
and justify your marking with all the reasons why your negative beliefs,
fears, thoughts and predictions are invalid.
How to use visualisation to assure yourself you will not have to
relive your painful past memories?
To let go of fear, you need to have the assurance that your negative
memories will not repeat themselves.
To have the assurance that your negative memories will not repeat
themselves, you need to first try and identify any memory that is causing
you to suffer about something in the present. Replay it. Then afterward,
replay the memory again, but insert the new improved you with your new
ways of thinking, realisations, techniques, actions and expectations etc. into
it. (If you still wish to change your ways of thinking etc. Don’t worry. There
are still plenty of upcoming realisations, ways of thinking and techniques to
try out. You can return to this exercise then!)
Now, visualise how the memory with the new you would be different to
the memory with the old you. Think about how your overall experience
would be better in the new memory. Think about how you’d feel different,
how you’d act differently, how your thoughts would be different and think
about how you’d deal with the situation more effectively.
If you cannot identify a specific memory that is triggering you, don’t
worry. Just carry out the exercise with a make-believe memory of whatever
is bothering you.
The Power of Speaking to Your
Brain
Your brain is on your side.
To feel better, in your head, ask your brain to trigger memories that will
make you feel nice, or ask your brain to think positive memories about
whatever is causing you distress. For instance, if you are feeling distressed
about Christmas, because last Christmas day was a disaster, ask your brain
to think of positive memories of Christmas day.
You can also do the following: Ask your brain to think of a nice
visualisation. Wait for the visualisation to come. Then ask your brain to
think of another nice visualisation. Wait for the visualisation to come. Then
ask your brain to think of a third nice visualisation. Wait for the
visualisation to come. You can repeat the exercise however many times you
like. You will notice that many of the visualisations triggered will be related
to the past or the future. Have fun time traveling!
It is best to avoid the word ‘not’ when asking your brain to carry out a
task. For example, avoid asking your brain to not think of a negative
thought but instead ask your brain to think of a positive thought.
The Power of Procrastination
The benefits of procrastination.
Write down your worries and tell yourself that you’ll sort them out
tomorrow or later.
I have found by putting off my worries, but reassuring myself that I will
deal with them at a later date, means that my brain stops worrying about
them and I can find peace in the present moment.
The Power of
Questioning/Curiosity, Being
Self Aware and Not Believing
Your Mind’s Lies
Knowing yourself is the solution to all your suffering.
As a result of observing my mind on a regular basis, I now know what I
need to think or do to feel better about almost anything.
If you have not reached this place and you’d like to get to it, you need to
get to know your mind.
You can get to know your mind by thinking about the following
questions: (you can find the answers by looking to the past, or by beginning
to observe your mind on a daily basis and taking notes of your
observations)
Which thoughts, things, beliefs, ways of thinking, or actions reassured
your mind and made it feel better?
Which specific feelings eased your suffering in general? Did you feel
better because of a feeling of comfort, a feeling of excitement and
anticipation, a feeling of cosiness, a feeling of control and being on top of
things, a feeling of passion and ambition, or a feeling of stability? And
which thoughts, things, or actions created the feelings?
Which thoughts made you feel good?
Which thoughts, things, beliefs, ways of thinking, or actions motivated
your mind?
Why did you usually fall into a bad mood and which thoughts, things,
beliefs, or ways of thinking made you come out of the bad mood?
When you have an answer to these questions, you will then know the
kind of thing you need to think or the kind of thing you need to do to ease
your suffering and feel good.
If you cannot answer all of the questions above, do not worry. Having a
rough idea of how your mind works will still be effective. And if you are
struggling to answer any of the questions, use your intuition to figure out
what you need to think or do to ease your suffering and feel good.
How to use self-awareness to feel better?
Next time you become aware of yourself having negative thoughts about
something, find a positive thought, or a nice thought to replace the one you
just had.
It isn’t about finding any random positive or nice thoughts because these
will not feel like your own and therefore, they will not be effective in
improving how you feel.
To easily find some positive or nice thoughts that are actually effective,
you need to know yourself well. To know yourself well refer to “Knowing
yourself is the solution to all your suffering.”
If you do not have the time to find answers to all the questions in
“Knowing yourself is the solution to all your suffering”, you can begin to
observe your mind on a daily basis for thoughts that make you feel good
and thoughts that ease your suffering. (Remember to take notes of your
observations.) When you begin to observe your mind like this, you’ll then
know the kind of thing you need to think to feel better.
Alternatively, you can find thoughts that could actually make you feel
better instinctively, or think about the thoughts that made you feel better or
good in the past to know the kind of thing you need to think to feel better.
A fantastic question to ask yourself when you are feeling
distressed.
If you are feeling distressed about something, ask yourself, ‘Why am I
making a big deal out of this?’
How self-awareness made me realise my unpleasant feelings
weren’t genuine.
After analysing my mind, I discovered the unpleasant feelings I experienced
were rarely an accurate portrayal of how I actually felt about something in
the current moment. Instead, they reflected a memory of my past feelings
that had come back into the present. In reality, I was over the issue in the
current moment, or I didn’t care about it as much as I did in the past.
Even if the unpleasant feelings were still relevant to how I felt, they were
almost always exaggerated due to a memory of feelings and thoughts I had
in the past.
Therefore, any time you experience unpleasant feelings about something,
remind yourself that they are most likely a memory of your past feelings.
Remind yourself that your genuine feelings are probably a lot nicer.
How to use self-awareness to make the right choices?
To know whether you are doing the right thing and making the right choices
in your day-to-day life, be very aware of your intentions.
Ask yourself, ‘Why am I doing this?’ And you will hopefully be able to
figure out what the underlying intentions are behind your actions, to prevent
yourself from making choices that are driven by the wrong intentions.
Now, to make the ‘right’ choices, make it your intention to do the ‘right’
thing. Do not worry if it feels wrong or right, just intend to do the ‘right’
thing and let this intention dictate your behaviours and decisions.
What am I really afraid of?
A useful tool that will improve how you deal with any issue is to get to the
underlying problem. Figure out what you are really afraid of and then you
can deal with the underlying issue from there through thought or action.
To figure out what you are really afraid of, ask yourself why the issue
bothers you. When you receive an answer, ask yourself again why this
bothers you and then ask why that bothers you and so forth. If you get your
answer straight away then great, but sometimes it will need a little more
work.
How to feel the best you possibly can through self-awareness.
Do you identify with any of these ways of thinking?
I dread very few things.
I am satisfied.
I am happy with the perfectly imperfect.
I’m almost always happy.
That sort of thing is of little concern to me.
I get over things quickly.
I am pretty much carefree.
If you do, then fantastic. If you do not, then we can work on helping you
to identify with some of them in just a bit.
But first, I would like to prove to you that your experience of reality is
influenced by the ways of thinking you identify with.
The other day, I got into a minor car accident. I started to feel really upset
about it and wondered how long I’d feel bad about it. I then became aware
that my mind replied, “I am the sort of person to get over things quickly.”
Almost immediately, my sadness about the accident diminished. This shows
the ways of thinking you identify with influences your experience of reality.
Therefore, you can improve your experience of reality, by identifying
with new, better ways of thinking.
To identify with a particular way of thinking such as ‘I get over things
quickly’, you need to find or create evidence, which proves you are
someone who gets over things quickly and remind yourself of this evidence
whenever you would like to get over things quickly.
To find evidence, think of memories where you did get over something
quickly.
To create evidence, find the relevant techniques, realisations or way of
thinking from Mental Hacks that will help you to get over things quickly.
Then you will be able to create evidence that shows you get over things
quickly.
How to not be a victim to anxiety’s lies.
I have experienced first-hand the lies of anxiety. I became aware that
anxiety could sneakily lure me into its incorrect stories through creating
unpleasant sensations in my body which therefore seemed incredibly valid,
even though they were not.
To not be a victim of anxiety’s lies, realise when you are in an anxious
mood.
Now that you have realised you are in an anxious mood, you can label
almost all your negative thoughts and feelings as lies. (Of course, some
anxious thoughts and feelings are reliable and you should listen to them,
(you’ll know in your heart if you should listen to them), but almost 99% of
them, I have found, are pure lies.)
Now that you have labelled all your negative feelings and thoughts, as
lies, you can think through rationality instead of your anxious feelings.
How to not be a victim to your mind’s lies.
Through self-awareness, I discovered that when I was in a low or negative
state of mind, my mind would only make me aware of evidence that was
negative.
For example, if I were to be in a panic about getting on a plane, it would
only find evidence to show me why I should feel panicked about getting on
the plane. It would not make me aware of positive evidence to show me
why I should not feel panicked about getting on the plane.
Therefore, to not be a victim to your mind’s lies, remind yourself, when
you are in a negative state of mind, that your current feelings do not reflect
the whole picture, so they are a lie. Instead, take a step back and analyse the
situation as a whole.
Your negative feelings can be inaccurate predictors.
Dread, for example, is not necessarily a realistic indicator of how you are
going to feel in the future. You do not know which thoughts will be in your
head at the moment in time you are dreading. The thoughts may be a lot
more upbeat, or your attention may be focused on something a lot more
positive. Therefore, you would not experience the emotional suffering your
dread is predicting.
Also, you cannot predict how your energy levels will differ in your
current state of dread compared to the moment in time you are dreading. I
have found I feel better with more energy, and think more positively about
things and worry less. Therefore, if your energy is higher in the future
scenario you are dreading, how can you expect to feel the same negative
feelings your dread is predicting?
The reason why you are probably not genuinely angry, upset,
or bothered about something.
I have found the majority of my unpleasant feelings are not actually
genuine, but instead, they are fear in disguise.
With anger, I found a lot of the time, I was not actually angry, but
instead, I was scared about the idea of feeling angry and my peace of mind
being disturbed. I mistook this fear for anger.
With the majority of things that made me upset, I was probably genuinely
upset for the first twenty minutes, but afterward, it was more a fear of
feeling upset instead of actually being genuinely upset. I, once again, took
this fear of feeling upset as a portrayal that I was genuinely upset.
Therefore, your anger and distress most likely portray your fear of
feeling anger and distress instead of genuine anger and distress about
something. Therefore, there’s no need to take these feelings seriously.
The reason why your negative beliefs are probably not your
own.
Many times, our beliefs, thoughts and self-talk are not actually our own, but
we do not realise it. They may belong to our past self, society, or a family
member, or friend.
Become aware of your beliefs, thoughts and self-talk. Are they your
own? Are they still relevant to the current you? Do you actually still
genuinely care?
By seeing that many of your negative beliefs and thoughts are not yours,
you will identify with them less and stop believing them.
How to feel less anxious or depressed through self-awareness?
For me, it is necessary to become aware of what I am feeling, to effectively
improve how I feel. Therefore, to feel less anxious or depressed, you need
to first become aware of whether you are feeling more anxious or
depressed. (When I feel anxious, I feel ‘wound up’. If I am feeling
depressed, I feel more a feeling of doom and gloom and tiredness.)
Once you have identified your mental state, you will either need to work
on lifting your mood if you are depressed, or decreasing your mental energy
if you are anxious.
To lift my mood, I usually find that creating a feeling of excitement
works. To create a feeling of excitement, think about the things that you
usually look forward to when you aren’t in this down mood. Of course, at
the moment, you won’t be in the mood for them, but get excited about the
idea of experiencing them when you come out of the bad mood. (You can
also create a feeling of excitement through visualisation and imagination.
Refer to “How to use your imagination to feel excited about the
future?” for more.)
As mentioned previously, another way that I can lift my mood is to raise
my anxiety slightly. Think about something you could be slightly concerned
about right now, or think about something that you should be planning for
right now.
Now to lower your energy, you should work on tiring yourself out
mentally. A great way I find to tire myself out mentally is to multitask, as
my brain has to work extra hard.
Another way of tiring yourself out mentally is to do something such as
reading a book that is intellectually stimulating. Or count up to one hundred
and then count backward from one hundred to zero and repeat if needed.
Are your values out of balance?
If you are feeling stressed, this may be because your personal values are out
of balance. Become aware of what your personal values are and whether
they are out of balance.
For example, you may value success and fun, but you are too focused on
success without realising it. This has meant that you have just been working
24/7, which has left little room for fun, leaving you stressed and dissatisfied
with your life. Therefore, you need to balance success and fun to improve
your quality of life.
Also, it is a good idea to balance any personal value that involves
pleasure and fun with a practical value such as health and reason. For
instance, you may value enjoyment, but you also need to balance enjoyment
with health.
Alternatively, you can just focus primarily on the personal value of
balance so that you can become a balanced person and live a balanced life.
The benefit of analysing your previous emotional state.
There is a power in acknowledging if you were already in a heightened
emotional state if you are feeling upset over a situation, or angry at another
individual.
If you realise that you were already in a heightened emotional state, you
can say to yourself, “I am overreacting because of the state I was already in.
Therefore, the way I feel right now about something is just a reflection of
my previous emotional state and not how I truly feel about it.”
The benefit of analysing your emotional state in general.
When I am very tired, or in a heightened emotional state, I expect the worst
of the worst and I never end up experiencing the worst of the worst. Also, I
over exaggerate about how bad and difficult things are and I do not believe
they are as bad and difficult when I am less tired or in a calmer state of
mind.
Therefore, if you are feeling tired, or you are in a heightened emotional
state, you can be reassured that your current negative feelings, beliefs and
expectations are most likely exaggerated and do not reflect reality or how
you truly feel.
How I overcame my panic attacks through self-awareness?
About a month ago, I was on a day trip to Stratford upon Avon. I suffered a
panic attack by the bridge and believed I was genuinely in danger because
the ugly physical symptoms felt so convincing.
Later on, I returned to the bridge in a very calm state and I realised the
physical symptoms suddenly came back into my body as soon as I was by
the bridge. A few minutes ago, when I wasn’t stood by the bridge, I had not
experienced any symptoms of a panic attack. However, as soon as I reached
the bridge they came back. And what was even more surprising was once
the physical symptoms started to ease, I started to yawn just like I had
yawned after the panic attack earlier and I definitely was not tired this time
by the bridge.
From this experience, I saw that the later panic attack was just a memory
in disguise and a very powerful one too! It made me yawn and feel the
physical sensations of anxiety when I wasn’t even tired and anxious!
The experience showed me that panic attacks are just past memories in
disguise. They do not reflect the reality of the present moment, and the
reason why they are so convincing is because the memory can make you
feel the exact same symptoms you had when you experienced your last
panic attack, even if you aren’t genuinely feeling them.
Therefore, as panic attacks are just very convincing memories in
disguise, there’s no need to worry about them, because this is all they are.
Be curious about your unpleasant feelings.
If you are feeling down in the dumps, or you are experiencing any type of
unpleasant feeling, be curious about why you feel this way.
When I am curious about how I am feeling, it takes my attention away
from the feeling because I am interested in how I feel. As a result, my mood
improves.
How to use curiosity to deal with boredom?
If you are feeling bored, look around you and be curious about your
surroundings.
Ask yourself interesting questions about everything around you.
If you are curious, the amount of questions you can ask is infinite, and a
great distraction from boredom.
Ask yourself these questions.
Here are some questions I ask myself to reduce the intensity of my
unpleasant feelings:
Why think negatively when I can think positively?
Why would I dwell over that?
Do I want to feel like this?
What’s the point of feeling like this?
What do I get out of thinking in this way?
Do I want to let that ruin my day?
How can I stop feeling trapped through self-awareness?
To stop feeling trapped, be aware of when you are paralysed by your
emotions.
When you are paralysed, your emotions stop you from thinking and
taking the best possible action to change or get out of a situation. You will
find yourself making excuses, feeling like a victim and helpless.
Next time you feel trapped, take a deep breath and wait until you calm
down to avoid getting into a state that will leave you paralysed.
Now that you have calmed down, you have the ability to think of an
action that will produce the best possible outcome. There are many possible
actions that can be taken to improve a situation, so keep trying until you
find one that works for you.
The Power of Expectation
Setting
Expect the unexpected.
In my experience, the best moments are always unexpected.
Since having this realisation, now whenever life, or anything in life, fails
to meet my expectations I feel fine because I know you can never expect
the best moments anyway.
Therefore, expect the unexpected.
Expect the worst and the best.
By expecting the worst, and the best, I can still look forward to things, but I
am rarely upset if they do not go perfectly.
Therefore, to avoid disappointment, expect the worst and best.
Expect the best of the worst.
I can also diminish my fears by imagining the best of the worst. I imagine
the worst-case scenario happening, but then I imagine the worst-case
scenario not being that bad, or I imagine the worst-case scenario having less
of an impact on me than I thought it would.
Therefore, to diminish your fears, expect the best of the worst.
Set your expectations according to what happened in the past.
We all need expectations because expectations lead to satisfaction when
they are met, and satisfaction leads to contentment and happiness.
Expectations in themselves do not cause unhappiness or discontent, it is
when expectations are not met that discontent arises.
In order to have your expectations met, you need to have an idea of what
you can realistically expect from life, and desire this instead of desiring
something that was created from too high expectations.
To know what you can realistically expect from anything, you can look
back at what happened in the past.
Zero expectation = Zero fear
The reason why I used to fear unpleasant feelings so much was because I
expected them to last a long time and continue at the same intensity.
However, by letting go of this expectation, my fear of unpleasant feelings
diminished. This showed me that uncomfortable feelings cannot hurt you if
you let go of expectation.
To let go of expectation, you can think about how your expectations are
inaccurate in general.
Think of times where your expectations failed to match reality such as
the times you enjoyed yourself when you didn’t expect to, or happiness
when you least expected it, or when something was a lot less scary than you
originally thought.
If you let go of how you think the mind works, you can also let go of
expectation.
I used to go into something, expecting to enjoy it, as I believed my mind
would trigger the same emotions it had in the past. However, some of the
time it didn’t trigger anything and I thought to myself, ‘Why am I not
feeling any pleasure this time?’ I then realised if I am unaware of the exact
conditions under which painful and pleasant emotions are triggered, how
can I know for sure that painful emotions will be triggered in an upcoming
experience I am not looking forward to? Consequently, I was able to let go
of my negative expectations about painful emotions and my fears about the
future diminished.
Don’t set your expectations according to your mind’s lies.
I have acknowledged that when I am in a negative mood, my mind lies
about what to expect. It only makes me aware of negative memories when
predicting how bad a future experience will be. It does not make me aware
of the positive parts of past memories, or memories that would make me
feel better about what to expect.
Now, I no longer set my expectations according to my mind’s lies and the
way I feel about the future has improved significantly.
The Power of Physical and
Mental Exercise
Cardio exercise can significantly improve your mood.
The idea of cardio exercise may make you shudder, but I have found it
works wonders for the mood. If I am feeling a bit down in the dumps, the
idea of doing a cardio workout is not in the slightest bit appealing.
However, after a cardio workout, I almost always feel fantastic. The best
way to describe how I feel after a cardio workout is the feeling that you get
when you are on holiday. It is fantastic. Therefore, although it may not
seem appealing initially to do a cardio workout, think how amazing it will
feel afterward.
Exercise your mind.
Another useful technique is mental exercise. Exercising your mind consists
of giving it exactly what it desires. If your mind wants to over-analyse,
worry, or dread, allow it to do this until it gets tired.
By deliberately giving my mind what it desires to the extreme, it gets
exhausted a lot more quickly and is no longer interested in the idea of overanalysing, worrying, or dreading. Therefore, if your mind wants to
overanalyse, intentionally over-analyse to the extreme. Or, if you mind
wants to worry, or dread, intentionally worry, or dread, to the extreme.
The best amount of time to do mental exercise is around twenty to thirty
minutes maximum.
Any sort of movement is beneficial in improving your mood.
If you would like to improve how you feel, just stand up and walk around,
or shake your body.
Also carrying a stress ball is a useful technique to release all of your
mental tension. If you are self-conscious about the idea of people knowing
you carry a stress ball, you can keep it in your pocket and squeeze it in
secret.
The Power of Acceptance and
Letting Go
Life is full of trade-offs
If you are frustrated in life, it may be because you cannot accept that life is
full of trade-offs.
Think about all the frustrations in your life and acknowledge their tradeoffs.
Once you accept that life is full of unavoidable trade-offs, you will be
able to accept your frustrations.
Let go of your inner commentary.
Let go of your inner commentary that explains and evaluates everything.
Your inner commentary isn’t necessarily the truth. The only thing that is the
definite truth, is that good feeling that rushes through your veins, or the
goose bumps and butterflies you feel when you meet your first love.
By letting go of your inner commentary, you will be able to spend all
your time experiencing moments as they are, instead of spending all your
time looking back on moments through your inner commentary. And I can
tell you from experience that this is definitely a better way to spend your
time!
How having a multitude of problems can make life easier to
enjoy and accept.
Are you someone who has a multitude of problems, or hangs ups, or
someone who is always bothered by something?
By realising I was this person, I found it easier to accept life. I knew that
even if my current problem didn’t exist, my reality wouldn’t be that much
different, because I would still be distressed about something. In other
words, I knew I was not missing out on a better reality by having the
problem.
Therefore, I found it easy to accept my current reality, because I knew
that there wasn’t a better reality out there anyhow.
By accepting my current reality, I could then make the best of it and
enjoy it.
Let go of the idea that the world owes you something.
In reality, the world does not owe us anything. This realisation made me
feel more grateful for the things that I do have and I hope it does for you
too.
How to feel you are enough by letting go.
To feel you are enough, you need to let go of the idea that you will feel
better being different to the person you currently are.
Realise that you will always be dissatisfied with yourself if you
consistently have the aspiration to be different to the person you are
currently. This is because this kind of mind-set conveys a person who will
always want and expect more of themselves.
Acceptance doesn’t have to be painful.
Acceptance is painless if you see the benefits of accepting something.
In my experience, it is less painful in the long run to accept something
than be in denial or avoid the painful truth through analysis or justification.
I have found that when I accept something, it doesn’t constantly come
back to haunt me, but when I try to desperately avoid something, through
analysis or distraction, or any other form of defence mechanism, it
constantly comes back into my mind.
Therefore, acceptance doesn’t have to be painful if you know you are
better off accepting whatever you are avoiding.
Acknowledge why you cannot accept things.
If you have a hard time accepting things, it will benefit you to acknowledge
why this is the case.
For me, the majority of the time, the reason why I was unable to accept
something was due to the following reoccurring desires: the desire to
always change things, the desire to always want more, the desire for things
to be different and the desire for things to be perfect.
I soon came to realise that if I continued to be attached to these desires,
they would never go away. I knew that trying to please the desires I was
attached to was like fighting a battle I’d never win. As soon as I pleased any
of the desires, they cropped up again at another time. I knew I had to just let
them go.
As soon as I let them go, the desire to always change things, the desire to
always want more and the desire for things to be different and perfect, went
away and I was happier.
Therefore, to feel the best you possibly can acknowledge the desires that
are preventing you from being able to accept things. Then tell yourself the
desires will never be satisfied if you continue to be attached to them so you
just need to let them go.
How to feel fine and remain calm, in a moment of crisis
through acceptance.
Immediately identify and accept if you are fighting a losing battle. For
instance, if a lady called Patricia is running extremely late for her son’s
wedding and the only way of getting there on time is by driving 100 mph in
a 30 zone, she needs to accept immediately that she is not going to get there
on time. Acceptance will be easy for her if she sees the impossibility of
trying to make her current reality match what she wanted to happen.
Acceptance will reduce Patricia’s panic, as panic involves a fight in
trying to keep reality in line with expectation and acceptance consists of
doing the opposite of just that.
Now that Patricia has calmed down through acceptance, she can think
about how she can make the best of her new situation and get excited about
the new situation.
How to let go of your current self.
If you would like to let go of your current self, you need to believe that the
current you is not an accurate representation of who you are. To believe the
current you is not who you are, you need to make yourself as different as
possible to who you are now.
You need to have new beliefs, new expectations, new habits and take
different actions. It is your choice which beliefs, expectations, habits and
actions you decide to adopt. The main goal is to make your beliefs,
expectations, habits and actions different from what they are currently.
Let go of resistance.
A very effective strategy to deal with negative feelings is to not resist them,
but at the same time to not focus on them.
This strategy shows the negative feelings that I do not fear them, as I am
not trying to get rid of them, but at the same time, it shows them I am
uninterested in any form of engagement.
Consequently, the negative feelings are uninterested in engaging with me.
The Power of Words and
Meaning
The power of changing the ‘stories’ you tell yourself about your
negative feelings and emotions.
In the past, as soon as I felt a negative emotion or feeling, I automatically
labelled it. For instance, if I felt an unpleasant sensation in my body when I
thought about something I was yet to experience, I automatically labelled it
as dread.
However, when I thought about not having what I wanted, I also had the
same sort of unpleasant sensations in my body. I labelled these sensations as
dissatisfaction.
When I realised that what I believed to be dissatisfaction and dread,
caused the same sort of sensations in my body, I could then label the dread
as dissatisfaction.
The idea of feeling dissatisfied about the future had less of an impact on
me than the idea of feeling dread about the future. Therefore, I had changed
how I felt for the better by changing the story about what I was feeling. I
was dissatisfied about the future instead of believing I was feeling dread
over the future.
Also, for me, the feeling of tiredness is very similar to the depressed
feeling and therefore, whenever I think I am feeling depressed, I tell myself
I am simply feeling tired. I then feel better about what I am feeling.
So back to the main point, (sorry I rambled on), to believe you are feeling
a nicer feeling, you need to think about another feeling that is less horrible
and scary that could also create the same sort of physical sensations in you.
Then you can tell yourself you are feeling this instead.
How to see everything as ‘good’?
To turn everything from bad to good, you need to adopt the mind-set that
something can still be good if the bad outweighs the good.
Everything has some good in it, so if you adopt the mind-set that
something can still be good if the bad outweighs the good, everything will
be good.
A negative thought or feeling doesn’t have to define your whole
mood.
If you experience a couple of negative thoughts or feelings, avoid using
them to define your mood as bad. Tell yourself you can still be in a good
mood regardless of whether you have experienced a couple of negative
thoughts and feelings.
When I stopped using a couple of negative thoughts and feelings to
define my mood as bad, I was able to stay in a good mood.
Simplify the way you describe your unpleasant feelings.
Simplify the way you describe your unpleasant feelings to reduce their
importance and impact.
For example, if someone cuts you off in traffic and you feel rage in your
belly, refrain from creating a long story about this rage such as, ‘He is
responsible for my rage. How dare he cut me off in traffic! Men like him
shouldn’t be allowed to drive! Now he’s making me even angrier! How dare
he!’
Instead, simplify the story about your anger. Describe your anger as
simply adrenalin being released into the body.
Reassure yourself through self-talk.
Next time you feel scared, stressed, down, or anything unpleasant, comfort
yourself by speaking to yourself in your head.
For example, if you believe you are incapable of doing something, tell
yourself, “Come on, you’ve got this, you are just overreacting, you are
more than capable.”
By talking back to yourself, after you have a negative thought, you are
also separating yourself from your thoughts which, for me, makes the
thoughts feel less personal and, therefore, less important.
Talk to yourself like you would a friend.
Also, another effective strategy is to talk to yourself like you would a
friend.
You wouldn’t criticise, put down, or give bad advice to a friend so why
would you do that to yourself? Become your own best friend.
Identify as the person you are in a good mood.
Identify with the person you are in a good mood instead of a bad mood.
Give the person you are in a bad mood another name to your own such as
Mark or Claire.
When you get into a bad mood, you can say to yourself something along
the lines of, “Oh this isn’t me, this is Mark. These are Mark’s thoughts. My
thoughts are different from Mark’s. Oh, isn’t he negative? My thoughts are
very different to his and a lot more positive.”
How to enjoy everything?
To enjoy everything, you need to associate enjoyment with progress,
learning and curiosity.
Once you have associated enjoyment with these concepts, you will then
be able to enjoy the most challenging and boring situations.
For example, if you are working on a repetitive task, you can now enjoy
it, because you can focus on the progress you are making compared to when
you first started.
Or, if you are in a situation that is triggering you in the wrong way, you
can enjoy it, because you can be curious about why it has this effect on you,
or you can be curious about how you are going to change your perspective
so that it does not continue to have such a negative impact on you.
Also, if you associate learning with enjoyment, you can enjoy anything,
because there is always something you can learn about life or yourself in
any situation.
The Power of Planning,
Structure and Being an
Opportunist
How to forward plan?
Next time you find yourself with an issue or problem think to yourself
could this issue have been avoided if I had forward planned? If the answer
is yes, figure out what you could have forward planned that would have
prevented the problem from arising in the first place and then implement it
so the situation will improve next time.
Also, every Sunday, set aside an hour to forward plan for the upcoming
week. In this hour, visualise each day of the week in your mind and forward
plan what you will need to do in advance to prepare for each day.
To forward plan efficiently, ask yourself would it benefit me to plan
ahead for this event or upcoming situation? If the answer is yes, then begin
to forward plan and if the answer is no, do not worry about forward
planning for the event or future situation in the hour.
Prepare for the worst.
Forward planning also involves thinking about potential inconveniences or
potential problems that may happen at an upcoming event or situation. By
planning for how you would deal with them ahead of time, you are doing
your future self a favour as the issues will not catch you off-guard leaving
you overwhelmed and unable to cope.
Of course, you shouldn’t go seeking out problems, so only forward plan
for potential inconveniences, or potential problems, if they are most likely
going to happen.
Establish a set daily routine which is flexible and has specified
leisure time.
This daily routine does not have to be set in stone because every day is not
exactly the same, but it will give you a general idea of what your day will
consist of, which will give your life a sense of stability.
Consider what time you plan to go to bed and wake up, eat meals, do
chores, do work, workout, check your emails and have leisure time.
If possible, make sure that five p.m. onwards is your leisure time. It is
also best to organise a specific day of the week where you can do specific
jobs such as a full house clean every Sunday.
Be an opportunist.
Being an opportunist, for me, means you take every situation and turn it
into an advantage instead of a disadvantage. For example, if your spouse is
running late and you get angry at the fact you are going to have to wait
thirty minutes, use this as an opportunity to plan ahead for tomorrow. Also,
if you are feeling anxious, use the anxious energy to get your jobs done.
How to avoid fatigue and frustration by having a structure?
If you have a task that will take longer than one hour, work on it in 45minute intervals. Then, when the 45-minute interval is up, take a break that
is at least 15 minutes but not too long that you lose motivation for the main
task. Anything between 15 minutes to one and a half hours is suitable.
During your break, you can complete other tasks on your to-do list, or
have your lunch, it is entirely up to you.
Once the break is up, return to the next 45-minute time interval.
If a 45-minute interval is too long or too short for you, that’s totally okay.
You can expand the time interval, or shorten it, depending on your needs.
The most important thing is to have a structure.
How can I overcome my panic attacks and fears through
forward planning?
To overcome your panic attacks and fears through forward planning, first,
acknowledge what you are afraid of. Then you plan ahead to convince
yourself the fear is not a threat.
Here are two examples to explain the concept:
Example one
If the fear behind your panic attacks is a fear of feeling trapped, you can
then plan for how you would be able to escape by looking for the nearest
exit. Or, you can plan for how you would be able to get out of a situation if
you started to feel panicky.
Example two
If the fear behind your social anxiety is a fear of embarrassing yourself,
you can plan to react in a way that makes the worst-case scenario not
embarrassing. For instance, if you have a fear of messing up your words in
a speech, you can plan to laugh it off, as you believe laughing it off will
make you feel less awkward in front of your audience.
You can also forward plan for how you will react to any negative feelings
that you fear may be triggered in the future. Think about how you’d deal
with these feelings if they were to arise. (If you’d like ways to deal with
negative feelings refer to relevant techniques, realisations and ways of
thinking in Mental Hacks.)
By being adequately prepared for your fears and potential negative
feelings, you will feel less fearful about the idea of experiencing them and
you will be able to find peace in the present.
The Power of Others
Realise that others are just as anxious.
If you are feeling socially anxious, you can decrease your social anxiety by
analysing those around you. Look at their body language and actions, to
find signs that they are also feeling socially anxious.
By carrying out this exercise, you will realise that the majority of people
are also feeling the way you do.
How to stop feeling angry or annoyed at your significant other.
If you are annoyed or angry at your significant other, think about what they
could also be annoyed or angry at with you.
If there isn’t anything that they could be annoyed or angry at right now,
think about the flaws you have in general that could aggravate them.
By acknowledging your own flaws, it will decrease the intensity of your
frustrations towards your significant other.
Know you are not alone.
Negative feelings and emotions are all part of the human condition. We all
have to go through them. Comfort yourself by knowing that you are not
alone in your suffering.
Get into the heads of those who you think are judging you.
It is most likely that those who you believe are judging you are actually not.
They are probably completely preoccupied with their thoughts about how
they are coming across to others, or thoughts about other things.
Visualise yourself as them, really get into their minds and think of the
thoughts they would be having.
They are quite possibly thinking something along the lines of, ‘What am
I going to have for dinner tonight?’ or, ‘what should I do at the weekend?’
The Power of Consequences
How can I stop dwelling, ruminating, over-analysing and
dreading?
The reason why you cannot stop is because the consequences of thinking in
these ways aren’t bad enough. In other words, there isn’t a big enough
motivation to not think like this.
However, if you had one week to train for an Olympic gold medal, you
would probably avoid thinking in these ways, because the consequences
would be too significant. You could not focus on perfecting your sport and
your thoughts would drain your physical energy. As a result of these
consequences, you most likely would have an easier time avoiding
engagement with these detrimental ways of thinking.
Therefore, you need to make the consequences of thinking in these ways
worse than they currently are.
To make the consequences worse, you can think about how much better
your reality could be if you consciously decided to stop dwelling,
ruminating, over-analysing and dreading. Visualise the better reality in your
mind and get envious of it. Tell yourself, thinking in these ways means you
are missing out on this reality. (Although this better reality may not be
perfect, it would certainly be a lot better than the current one. You are far
more likely to enjoy the upcoming moments in this reality than the reality
you are in right now.)
Also, think about how much more progress you would be able to make in
this alternative reality and the better decisions you would make as a result
of having a mind that is less distracted by dwelling, ruminating, overanalysing and dreading. Tell yourself, you are missing out on making this
progress by thinking in these ways.
The Power of Time, Hope and
the Unknown
The art of time travel.
Time travelling to the past or future in your mind isn’t bad in itself. It is
actually very fun if you are sat in a boring meeting at work.
However, time traveling becomes detrimental when you time travel to the
wrong places such as to a bad event in the past, or to tomorrow morning
when you have to get up for the long commute, and stressful, tiresome day
at work. This type of time traveling can ruin your present and leave you
feeling a sense of dread and other negative feelings.
Instead, time travel to the nice places. Time travel to leaving work
tomorrow in your car with the music blaring, instead of being in that traffic
jam before work. Or time travel to the nice breakfast you are going to have
tomorrow morning, instead of dashing out of the house.
If you are time traveling to unpleasant places in the past, time travel
instead to happy memories.
Just because you feel this way now doesn’t mean you’ll feel this
way in the future.
You are dreading the future because you are imagining the unpleasant
feelings you believe you will feel in the future.
Just because you think you’ll feel this way, it doesn’t mean that you’ll
end up feeling that way when the time comes.
I have found that time significantly changes and relieves my negative
feelings for things due to new distractions, more sleep, changing hormones
and so on.
The power of measuring life by moments.
You can create joy by counting the good moments in your day-to-day life.
One time I thought to myself, This morning has been awful, but then I
thought, Think of the good moments, and I managed to find three nice
moments I had experienced that morning.
As I had experienced a lot of unpleasant moments that morning, I
completely forgot about these good moments and therefore automatically
labelled the morning as dreadful.
However, by thinking about these three good moments, it dramatically
changed my perspective on how bad the morning had been. Now I felt joy
thinking about what used to be ‘bad’ morning because I remembered these
three nice moments.
How can I use the unknown to be more understanding of my
partner’s flaws?
To be more understanding of your partner’s flaws or imperfections, know
that you cannot accurately assess whether their actions are right or wrong.
As you will never be able to see the world through their perception, you
will never know whether their actions are just in their reality.
Just because they are unjust in your reality, it doesn’t mean that they are
unjust in other realities.
There are an infinite number of possible futures.
You are suffering because in your mind you have a very specific picture of
the future and you believe this is exactly what the future will be like.
However, the future will never exactly match this picture. It could be
similar, but it will never exactly match it. By knowing that the image in
your mind is factually just a visualisation, it will help to decrease the
importance you place on the validity of the future being like this.
Remember, there is an infinite number of possible futures and you’ll
never know which one you are going to get.
Know change is inevitable.
You can be reassured by reminding yourself that change is inevitable.
I came to realise that change is inevitable because I realised my mood
changes were inevitable and I acknowledged a better mood brought nicer
thoughts and feelings, increased productivity, increased energy, positive
expectations and beliefs and better problem-solving skills and actions.
After realising this, I did not stress out about problems I was unable to
solve, as I now knew a new day could bring a better mood and a better
mood brings better thoughts, and these thoughts could solve my problem.
Also, on days where I was less productive, I told myself that there was no
need to stress because tomorrow I may be in a better mood and I knew
being in a better mood would result in me being more productive.
To prove to myself that change is inevitable, I also remind myself that my
beliefs and hang-ups are flexible and fluid. They are not fixed. I think of the
number of things in the past that used to bother but no longer do, or the
various beliefs I no longer hold.
Think also about how much you have changed over the past year or even
just over the past week. Change in yourself is inevitable. A new person
comes a new, fresh perspective, so if you are stuck in a negative thinking
spiral, remind yourself there is always hope that your reoccurring negative
thinking patterns will change when you as a person change.
Desire the best of the unknown.
To feel the best you possibly can and to feel the best you possibly can about
the future, desire the best of the unknown.
A specific moment in time can never be repeated.
I used to dread the future because I had pictures in my mind of very
specific, bad past experiences and connected these pictures with future
events.
However, I came to realise there isn’t a single moment in time that can be
repeated in exactly the same way. There will always be variations.
Therefore, I thought to myself, ‘Why am I feeling dread over pictures I will
never have to experience again?’ And my dread decreased.
Look at others to give you hope.
Look around you at those who have suffered trauma and have successfully
overcome obstacles. You can too.
The unknown is a blessing in disguise.
When trying to figure out the root cause of my dissatisfaction and
unhappiness, I discovered the majority of it came from thinking there was a
better alternative out there.
However, I then realised that I would never know whether the alternative
would actually make me happier, or give me a superior experience in life
and this realisation made me content with my current reality.
There are pros and cons to everything. Just because we believe there is a
better alternative out there, it doesn’t mean the alternative would be ‘better’.
We may not yet be aware of the cons of the better alternative.
The unpredictability of your thoughts is a blessing in disguise.
You can look forward to anything, by being aware that just because your
external environment isn’t particularly interesting or pleasant, it doesn’t
mean that your inner reality cannot be interesting and pleasant.
Have you ever been in a checkout queue and suddenly a nice thought,
completely unrelated to the checkout queue, comes into your head and you
start to feel fantastic? In this instance, even though the checkout queue is
‘boring’, your inner reality is far from boring.
Therefore, you cannot say that your experience of the boring job will be
boring and that your experience of an upcoming event will be awful,
because you cannot predict the thoughts, feelings and past memories your
mind will trigger. If your mind ends up triggering nice thoughts, feelings,
and past memories, your experience will end up being fantastic.
Know that happiness never ends.
Haven’t you noticed that when something ends, such as a relationship or
passion for something, you almost always find something else that is good,
or better, to replace it? I certainly have.
I believe this is because, as humans, we are constantly searching for the
next source of happiness without being aware of it.
Therefore, if something ends, there’s no need to be sad, because you can
almost guarantee that your mind will start searching for the next source of
happiness without you even being aware of it.
Why can I have eternal hope for the future?
You can have eternal hope for the future because you do not know what
your next thought is going to be.
One thought can change everything.
I cannot count the number of times where I have been in a really bad
mood, and suddenly a nice, hopeful thought comes into my head and the
bad mood vanishes, or the number of times a thought has suddenly come
into my head completely changing the way I feel about something for the
better.
Conclusion
I hope reading Mental Hacks will be helpful in improving your mental
wellbeing.
Like with anything, getting your brain to work for you takes practice, so
make sure you make a habit of reminding yourself of Mental Hack’s
techniques, ways of thinking and realisations on a regular basis.
Also, work on understanding yourself because self-awareness will help
reduce your suffering.
If you enjoyed your reading experience, please make sure to recommend
Mental Hacks to your friends and family. I would be very grateful.
Thanks once again,
Eleanor.