PART 1: 1. flabby (lỗi dùng phức tạp, dài dòng từ): a very few -> some 2. cliche - slang and buzzwords (lỗi từ ngữ rập khuôn: Cliche hay còn được gọi là sáo ngữ, là một lời nhận xét hay câu nói thường gặp, được sử dụng nhiều đến độ đa số mọi người đã quen thuộc với nó và nó không còn gì mới mẻ, thú vị): ahead of the pack -> as a leader 3. parallelism: lowering -> lower 4. lack of “you view”: Before mounting your new Super Air Flow fan, read the following helpful recommendations. 5. Customer Service Representative (CSR) 6. Dangling modifiers Originally written for children, Peter Pan have enchanted many adults 7. Long lead-ins với opening fillers: It is perfectly cleat that Persuasive and negative message: https://www.studocu.com/vn/document/dai-hoc-kinh-te-quoc-dan/business-communication/epersuasive-message/11546028 Identify errors & revise messages. 1. We cannot process your order until we receive your credit card number. Negative tone of voice => Your order will be processed after we receive your credit card number. 2. Turn in your sales figures by Monday. Not using courteous language => Could you please turn in your sales figures by Monday. 3. Every flight attendant must submit her security clearance card before boarding. Gender bias language => Every flight attendant must submit their / his or her security clearance card before boarding. 4. All managers and their wives are invited to Friday's cocktail party. Gender bias language => All managers and their spouses are invited to Friday's cocktail party. 5. Please substantiate that the new color scheme doesn't obfuscate the overall message. Using complex words => 6. Your presence at Friday's meeting is compulsory. Not using plain language => You should be present at Friday’s meeting. 7. Please get back to me as soon as possible. not precise, vigorous language => Please reply to me by October 10th. 8. Lot C is off-limits to students until August 25. Not using positive language => Students can park at Lot C from August 25. 9. You need to make a decision by the end of the day Not using courteous language => Could you please make a decision by the end of the day. 10. You neglected to provide your account information Using negative language => Could you please provide your account information? EXERCISE V: CLASSIFY THE FOLLOWING ITEMS INTO THREE GROUPS A/B/C Groups A. Techniques to achieve conciseness for a message/document B. Techniques to add clarity to a message/ document C. Techniques to improve the readability of a message/ document List of items 1. Cutting flabby expressions 2. Cutting clichés 3. Choosing appropriate typefaces, fonts, sizes, 4. Employing white space 5. Ditching long lead – ins 6. Purging/ Eliminating there is/are and it is/was fillers 7. Removing empty words and phrases 8. Numbering and bulleting 9. Scrapping slang and buzzwords 10. Rejecting redundancies 11. Using margins and text alignment 12. Keeping it short and simple 13. Slashing trite business phrases 14. Rescuing buried verbs 15. Restraining Exuberance 16. Adding headings Answer Key Techniques to achieve conciseness for a message/document Techniques to add clarity to a message/ document Techniques to improve the readability of a message/ document 1,5,6,7,10 2,9,12,13,14,15 3, 4,8, 11,16 EXERCISE VII. Identify errors & revise messages 1. Despite the fact that we lost one of the most important account, we must at this point in time focus on improving customer service. Problem: Flabby expression: Despite the fact that; at this point in time Improve: Although we lost one of the most important accounts, we must now focus on improving customer service. 2. This memo is to notify everyone working on the floor that surveillance cameras will be installed next Monday Problem: long lead – in: This memo is to notify Improve: Surveillance cameras will be installed next Monday 3. It is general knowledge that there are too many people putting too much emphasis on qualifications. Problems: - fillers: It is general knowledge that; there are; - buried verb: putting too much emphasis Improve: Too many people emphasize qualifications. 4. Every effort will be made to serve the long list of order from our customers around Europe. Problem: - trite business phrases: Every effort will be made - wordiness: around Europe Improve: The company will try to serve the long list of orders from its European customers. 5. The CEO will refer back to the budget in the meeting today. Problem: wordiness: refers back Improve: The CEO will refer to the budget in the meeting today. 6. In the normal course of a product launch, giving free samples is a very useful way to familiarize customers with a new product. Problem: empty words Improve: In a product launch, giving free samples is a very useful way to familiarize customers with a new product. 7. Those who accept bribery from corporations will be given an immediate official dismissal. Problem: buried verb Improve: Those who accept bribery from corporations will be dismissed immediately. 8. Some meeting agendas mispell the word “calender’. Problem: spelling errors Improve: Some meeting agendas misspell the word “calenda’. 9. Pyxl has offices in Knoxville and Nashville. They are a full-service digital marketing agency. Problem: grammatical error: noun and pronoun Improve: Pyxl has offices in Knoxville and Nashville. It is a full-service digital marketing agency. 10. I ensure you that Pyxl will complete your project on time. Problem: Confusing word choice: ensure Improve: I assure you that Pyxl will complete your project on t Composing Effective Negative Messages Even though it may be impossible to make the receiver happy when delivering negative news, you can reduce bad feelings and resentment by structuring your message sensitively. Most negative messages contain some or all of these parts: buffer, reasons, bad news, and closing. This section also discusses apologies and how to convey empathy in delivering bad news. Opening Indirect Messages With a Buffer A buffer is a device to reduce shock or pain. To buffer the pain of bad news, begin with a neutral but meaningful statement that makes the reader continue reading. The buffer should be relevant and concise and provide a natural transition to the explanation that follows. The individual situation, of course, will help determine what you should put in the buffer. Avoid trite buffers such as Thank you for your letter. Not all business communication authors agree that buffers increase the effectiveness of negative messages. However, in many cultures softening bad news is appreciated. Following are buffer possibilities. Best News. Start with the part of the message that represents the best news. For example, a message to customers who purchased mobile device insurance announced a progressive rate increase that was tied to the replacement value of each smart device. Only customers with very expensive handsets will experience price increases. You might start by reminding customers about the value of insuring a mobile device, As a reminder, your Premium Electronics Protection provides the benefit of a replacement device when your smartphone is accidentally damaged, including liquid damage, loss, theft, and malfunction. Although devices are becoming increasingly expensive, no changes will be made to your deductible amount or coverage. Compliment. Praise the receiver’s accomplishments, organization, or efforts, but do so with honesty and sincerity. For instance, in a letter declining an invitation to speak, you could write, The Thalians have my sincere admiration for their fund-raising projects on behalf of hungry chil- dren. I am honored that you asked me to speak Monday, November 5. Appreciation. Convey thanks for doing business, for sending something, for showing confi- dence in your organization, for expressing feelings, or simply for providing feedback. Suppose you had to draft a letter that refuses employment. You could say, I appreciated learning about the hospitality management program at Cornell and about your qualifications in our interview last Friday. Avoid thanking the reader, however, for something you are about to refuse. Agreement. Make a relevant statement with which both reader and receiver can agree. A letter that rejects a business loan application might read, We both realize how much falling crude oil prices on the world market have devastated domestic oil production. Facts. Provide objective information that introduces the bad news. For example, in a memo announcing cutbacks in the hours of the employees’ cafeteria, you might say, During the past five years, the number of employees eating breakfast in our cafeteria has dropped from 32 percent to 12 percent. Understanding. Show that you care about the reader. Notice how in this letter to customers announcing a product defect, the writer expresses concern: We know that you expect superior performance from all the products you purchase from OfficeCity. That’s why we’re writing person- ally about the Omega printer cartridges you recently ordered. Apologizing You learned about making apologies in adjustment messages in Chapter 8. We expand that discussion here because apologies are often part of negative-news messages. An apology is defined as an “admission of blameworthiness and regret for an undesirable event.”26 Apologies to customers are especially important if you or your company erred. They cost nothing, and they go a long way in soothing hard feelings. The truth is that sincere apologies work and affect the bottom line. A study of 130 press releases shows that companies are twice as likely to pass the buck than to own up to their mistakes; however, businesses blaming external factors instead of taking responsibility for their failings tend to experience ongoing financial decline. Those who own up to their poor performance see their finances recover and improve. 27 Another study suggested that CEOs who appeared genuinely sad, not merely contrite, in videos saw their companies’ stock prices rise after an apology. Conversely, leaders who smiled while apologizing were perceived as insincere, and their companies’ stock prices dropped.2 Professional writer John Kador recommends what he calls the Five Rs model for effective apologies in business messages29 summarized in Figure 9.4. Consider these poor and improved apologies: Poor apology: We regret that you are unhappy with the price of frozen yogurt purchased at one of our self-serve scoop shops. Improved apology: We are genuinely sorry that you were disappointed in the price of frozen yogurt recently purchased at one of our self-serve scoop shops. Your opinion is important to us, and we appreciate your giving us the opportunity to look into the problem you describe. Poor apology: We apologize if anyone was affected. Improved apology: I apologize for the frustration our delay caused you. As soon as I received your message, I began looking into the cause of the delay and realized that our delivery tracking system must be improved. Poor apology: We are sorry that mistakes were made in filling your order. Improved apology: You are right to be concerned. We sincerely apologize for the mistakes we made in filling your order. To prevent recurrence of this problem, we are . . Showing Empathy One of the hardest things to do in negative messages is to convey sympathy and empathy. As discussed in Chapter 3, empathy is the ability to understand and enter into the feel- ings of another. Researchers have established a so-called empathy quotient and ranked 100 companies on their ability to respond to customers’ needs promptly and sincerely. LinkedIn took first place and was praised for its strong presence on rival social media network Twitter—for going where its customers are, even at the risk of appearing to endorse a competing product.31 The researchers insisted that businesses “must demon- strate empathy across three channels: internally, to their own employees, externally, to their customers, and finally to the public via social media.” Although some companies may fear appearing weak and vulnerable, authentic dialogue is expected in today’s transparent social media environment.32 Here are examples of ways to express empathy in written messages: - In writing to an unhappy customer: We did not intentionally delay the shipment, and we sincerely regret the disappointment and frustration you must have suffered. In laying off employees: It is with great regret that we must take this step. Rest assured that I will be more than happy to write letters of recommendation for anyone who asks. In responding to a complaint: I am deeply saddened that our service failure disrupted your sale, and we will do everything in our power to . . . . In showing genuine feelings: You have every right to be disappointed. I am truly sorry that . . . . Presenting the Reasons Providing an explanation reduces feelings of ill will and improves the chances that readers will accept the bad news. Without sound reasons for denying a request, refusing a claim, or revealing other bad news, a message will fail, no matter how cleverly it is organized or written. For example, if you must deny a customer’s request, as part of your planning before writing, you analyze the request and decide to refuse it for specific reasons. Where do you place your reasons? In the indirect strategy, the reasons appear before the bad news. In the direct strategy, the reasons appear immediately after the bad news. Explaining Clearly. If the reasons are not confidential and if they will not create legal liability, you can be specific: Growers supplied us with a limited number of patio roses, and our demand this year was twice that of last year. In responding to a billing error, explain what happened: After you informed us of an error on your January bill, we investigated the matter and admit the mistake was ours. Until our new automated system is fully online, we are still subject to the frailties of human error. Rest assured that your account has been credited, as you will see on your next bill. In refusing a speaking engage- ment, tell why the date is impossible: On January 17 we have a board of directors meeting that I must attend. Don’t, however, make unrealistic or dangerous statements in an effort to be the good guy. Citing Reader or Other Benefits, if Plausible. Readers are more open to bad news if in some way, even indirectly, it may help them. In refusing a customer’s request for free hemming of skirts and slacks, Lands’ End wrote: “We tested our ability to hem skirts a few months ago. This process proved to be very time-consuming. We have decided not to offer this service because the additional cost would have increased the selling price of our skirts substantially, and we did not want to impose that cost on all our customers.” 34 Readers also accept bad news more readily if they recognize that someone or something else bene- fits, such as other workers or the environment: Although we would like to consider your application, we prefer to fill managerial positions from within. Avoid trying to show reader benefits, though, if they appear insincere: To improve our service to you, we are increasing our brokerage fees. Explaining Company Policy. Readers resent blanket policy statements prohibiting something: Company policy prevents us from making cash refunds or Contract bids may be accepted from local companies only or Company policy requires us to promote from within. Instead of hiding behind company policy, gently explain why the policy makes sense: We prefer to promote from within because it rewards the loyalty of our employees. In addition, we have found that people familiar with our organization make the quickest contribution to our team effort. By offering explanations, you demonstrate that you care about readers and are treating them as important individuals. Choosing Positive Words. Because the words you use can affect a reader’s response, choose carefully. Remember that the objective of the indirect strategy is holding the reader’s attention until you have had a chance to explain the reasons justifying the bad news. To keep the reader in a receptive mood, avoid expressions with punitive, demoralizing, or otherwise negative connotations. Stay away from such words as cannot, claim, denied, error, failure, fault, impossible, mistaken, misunderstand, never, regret, rejected, unable, unwilling, unfortunately, and violate. Showing Fairness and Serious Intent. In explaining reasons, show the reader that you take the matter seriously, have investigated carefully, and are making an unbiased decision. Receivers are more accepting of disappointing news when they feel that their requests have been heard and that they have been treated fairly. In canceling funding for a program, board members provided this explanation: As you know, the publication of Urban Artist was funded by a renewable annual grant from the National Endowment for the Arts. Recent cutbacks in federally sponsored city arts programs have left us with few funds. Because our grant has been discontinued, we have no alternative but to cease publication of Urban Artist. You have my assurance that the board has searched long and hard for some other viable funding, but every avenue of recourse has been closed before us. Accordingly, June’s issue will be our last. You are a human resource manager of an advertising agency. You need to inform your employees that paychecks will be delivered a week late. Write an email to all employees, telling them the bad news. You may need to think of any reasonable causes and make sure you share the feelings with the employees. To: From: HR manager Subject: New notice (Incident) of paychecks Thursday, November 3,2021 Because you always try to ensure progress and quality of work, we highly appreciate your performance. However, an issue related to paychecks has accidentally happened. They will be delivered a week late. That is why we are writing this message to let you update the change. You are right to be concerned. We sincerely apologize for that incident and we promise to attempt effectively. At the end of last month, the head office sent auditors to check and review the data. Due to the absolute accuracy, that process is very time-consuming and it can last until 10th November. Therefore, after the data validation is completed, we are entitled to continue to carry out other related-tasks.
