Soft Skills: module 7
Module 7:
Feedback & dealing with
conflicts
Soft Skills 23-24
Overview
Feedback
• Why should you give feedback?
• Method of giving constructive feedback
Dealing with conflicts
• Definition & background
• Conflict analysis
• Conflict management strategies
Overview
Feedback
• Why should you give feedback?
• Method of giving constructive feedback
Dealing with conflicts
• Definition & background
• Conflict analysis
• Conflict management strategies
Why should you give feedback?
• Framework of the Johari window
 To help people better understand their relationship with
themselves and others (Luft, 1955)
 cf. Broadwell‘s four stages of competence (Module 2)
• Accurate assessments lead to more insight in ourself and
our behaviour
• Thanks to feedback we learn what we do well and what we
can improve on
Johari window: 4 quadrants
Known to self
Known to
others
Not known
to others
Not known to self
ARENA (public)
BLIND SPOT
visible to yourself and
others
what others see in you, but
what you do not see
FAÇADE (private)
UNKNOWN
what you know about
what neither you nor others
yourself but don’t show to
know
others
Johari window
Known to self
Known to
others
Not known
to others
Not known to self
ARENA (public)
BLIND SPOT
visible to yourself and
others
what others see in you, but
what you do not see
FAÇADE (private)
UNKNOWN
what you know about
what neither you nor others
yourself but don’t show to
know
others
Most transparent quadrant:
preferable for interpersonal
communication: to be ‘an
open book’
Feedback can happen
transparently
Aim to maximise this
quadrant
Johari window
Known to self
Known to
others
Not known
to others
Not known to self
ARENA (public)
BLIND SPOT
visible to yourself and
others
what others see in you, but
what you do not see
FAÇADE (private)
UNKNOWN
what you know about
what neither you nor others
yourself but don’t show to
know
others
By asking for & receiving
feedback, your blind spots
can move to the arena
Johari window
Known to self
Known to
others
Not known
to others
Not known to self
ARENA (public)
BLIND SPOT
visible to yourself and
others
what others see in you, but
what you do not see
FAÇADE (private)
UNKNOWN
what you know about
what neither you nor others
yourself but don’t show to
know
others
The more you have a
façade, the bigger of a
‘mask’ you have
Receiving FB in this quadrant
is difficult
Reveal to the arena in order
to make FB possible
Johari window
Known to self
Known to
others
Not known
to others
Not known to self
ARENA (public)
BLIND SPOT
visible to yourself and
others
what others see in you, but
what you do not see
FAÇADE (private)
UNKNOWN
what you know about
what neither you nor others
yourself but don’t show to
know
others
Feedback cannot happen in
the unknown
~ unconscious incompetence
Minimise this quadrant?
• Try new things
• Self-reflection
Johari window
Known to self
Known to
others
ARENA (public)
Not known
to others
FAÇADE (private)
Not known
to self
BLIND SPOT
Through feedback
(horizontal arrow) and
revealing (vertical arrow)
yourself, your arena quadrant
can be maximised
 good to improve
interpersonal
communication
UNKNOWN
 allows for transparent FB
Overview
Feedback
• Why should you give feedback?
• Method of giving constructive feedback
Dealing with conflicts
• Definition & background
• Conflict analysis
• Conflict management strategies
4-step model (BCAF)
During difficult conversations, when the stakes and emotions are high,
defensiveness in others, when responding, may derail all your best
intentions. This 4-step model is a tool used to decrease
defensiveness in an assertive manner (relation to Communication
Styles).
Describe
Describe
Describe
Describe
the behaviour that you see
the consequence of this behaviour
alternatives and the desired behaviour
the feeling this evokes in you
BCAF – Behaviour
• Describe the behaviour/situation as completely and
objectively as possible. Just the facts!
“Jerry, the last project we worked on, I did all of the setup for the
presentation by myself, and it took me almost an hour.”
BCAF – Consequence
• Describe what the consequence of this behaviour was.
Focus on objective facts.
“As a consequence, the presentation started late, and I was very
distracted at the start of it still.”
BCAF – Alternatives
• Describe alternative behaviour and what you’d see as a
desired behaviour in the future
“I would like us to work together on the setup for the next
presentation and get together a week before each future
presentation. And if you can’t be there on time to set up, let me
know beforehand.”
BCAF – Feeling
• Express your feelings or thoughts about the behavior or
situation. Try phrasing your statements using “I” and not
“You”.
“Otherwise, this will really drain my energy, leaving me
overwhelmed, exhausted and frustrated.”
Full example of BCAF
“Jerry, the last project we worked on, I did all of the setup for
the presentation by myself, and it took me almost an hour.
As a consequence, the presentation started late, and I was very
distracted at the start of it still.
I would like us to work together on the setup for the next
presentation and get together a week before each future
presentation. And if you can’t be there on time to set up, let me
know beforehand.
Otherwise, this will really drain my energy, leaving me
overwhelmed, exhausted and frustrated.”
Exercise BCAF
• Fellow student who did not contribute to a group
assignment.
•
•
•
•
Behaviour:
Consequences:
Alternatives:
Feeling:
Overview
Feedback
• Why should you give feedback?
• Method of giving constructive feedback
Dealing with conflicts
• Definition & background
• Conflict analysis
• Conflict management strategies
Pair reflection
1) What’s a ‘conflict’ according to you?
2) What’s negative about a conflict?
3) Can a conflict be positive? Why? When?
5 min
discussion in
pairs
What’s a conflict?
Incident: signals as
top of the iceberg
CONFLICT
Experience =
subjective
Conflict matter =
content of the
conflict / problem
Conflicts due to miscommunication
Problems in communication are often the reason for conflicts
• Difference in communication style and preferences
• Seeing things differently (perception)
• Events that are interpreted wrongly (= different)
• Incorrect feedback strategies
• Emotions that get the upper hand
Handling conflicts: definition & background
• Interpersonal conflict is disagreement between or among
connected individuals – friends, lovers, colleagues,
family – who perceive their goals as incompatible
• It occurs when people are
 Mutually aware that their goals are incompatible; if one goal is
achieved, then the other's goal can't be achieved
• e.g. one person wants to buy a car and the other wants to pay down the
mortgage
 Perceived as interfering with the attainment of the other's goals
• e.g. you want to study but your roommate wants to party
Handling conflicts: definition & background
• It occurs when people are
 Interdependent: what one person does impacts the other
 Implications of the concept of interdependency
the greater the interdependency
• The greater the number of issues on which conflict can center
• The greater the impact of the conflict and the conflict management
interaction on the individuals and on the relationship
Handling conflicts: definition & background
Myths about interpersonal conflict (IC)
Many people may operate on the basis of false assumptions
about what conflict is and what it means, such as the following false statements:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
IC is best avoided. It will blow over given time.
IC is a sign of a deeply troubled relationship
IC damages an interpersonal relationship
IC is destructive because it reveals our negative selves
In any conflict, there has to be a winner and a loser
These are false assumptions based on communications you
witnessed in your family and in your social interactions.
Handling conflicts: definition & background
Myths about interpersonal conflict (IC) DEBUNKED
1. Avoiding conflict prevents differences and disagreements from ever
getting resolved
2. Conflict is inevitable; it is a sign of disagreement, not necessarily
major relationship problems
3. Conflict, when it is well managed, can actually improve a relationship
4. Conflict can be constructive, esp. When both individuals approach it
logically and with consideration for each other
5. Both can win in conflict.
These are false assumptions based on communications you
witnessed in your family and in your social interactions.
Overview
Feedback
• Why should you give feedback?
• Method of giving constructive feedback
Dealing with conflicts
• Definition & background
• Conflict analysis
• Conflict management strategies
Escalation stages Glasl
• To analyse a conflict
• Indicates the degree of escalation
Escalation stages Glasl
(win-win, win-lose, lose-lose)
•
Phase 0 : there is no conflict yet, but the potential is there (‘latent’)
•
Between phase 0 and 1, conflict happens through a reason/trigger
•
Phase 1: there is tension between both parties, but they still talk to each other
(‘win-win’ ; rational)
•
Phase 2: attention moves from conflict to negative feelings for those involved,
distrust, open hostility and actions obstruct cooperation, communication becomes
less frequent (‘win-lose’ ; emotional)
•
Phase 3: overt conflict, which leads to passive resistance of overt aggression,
parties seeking to cause harm (‘lose-lose’; fight)
Escalation stages Glasl
phase 0
(latent)
Escalation stages Glasl
Conflict phases
Reason/trigger
• Incident (e.g. remark, phonecall,…)
• Problem (what it is actually about)
• Perception (problems and incidents are perceived in a subjective
manner)
• Cause (can only be uncovered if the initial incident is taken into
account, the underlying problem and the subjective perception of the
problem are often hidden)
Escalation stages Glasl
Conflict phases
Different stimuli cause the conflict to escalate
•
New controversies
•
Increasing complexity
•
Incorrect attribution
•
Increasing pessimism
•
Spreading incorrect information
•
Ceasing the flow of information
•
Focus shifts to the person more and more
Escalation stages Glasl
Conflict phases
Different stimuli cause the conflict to de-escalate
•
Showing understanding for a certain reaction
•
Being appreciated
•
Apologising
•
New (positive) information
Exercise in pairs
10 min
discussion
in pairs
Analyse the following conflict, using Glasl’s Escalation Ladder. Write
down which possible trigger could lead to a conflict and what would
happen at each of the various stages (1-9).
Two colleagues work in the same cubicle. One of them usually listens to
music on their laptop speaker while working. The other one prefers to
work in silence.
Overview
Feedback
• Why should you give feedback?
• Method of giving constructive feedback
Dealing with conflicts
• Definition & background
• Conflict analysis
• Conflict management strategies
Conflict management strategies
Styles
2 dimensions
• Concern for relationships (cooperativeness)
• Concern for personal goals (assertiveness)
5 styles (read background document, see Toledo)
Note: people use different styles, but usually do have a preference (cfr.
Communication Styles)
Conflict management strategies
Styles (Thomas-Kilmann)
1. Accommodating (“Teddy Bear”)
I Lose, You Win
2. Collaborative (“Owl”)
I Win, You Win
3. Compromising (“Fox”)
I Win and Lose, You Win and Lose
4. Avoiding (“Turtle”)
I Lose, You Lose
5. Competing (“Shark”)
I Win, You Lose
Conflict management strategies
9
Concern for relationships
8
7
Accommodating
“Teddy Bear”
Collaborative
“Owl”
Score: _______
low goal orientation
high relationships orientation
Score: _______
high goal orientation
high relationships orientation
Compromising
“Fox”
6
5
Score: _______
negotiated goal orientation
negotiated relationships orientation
4
3
2
1
0
Competing
“Shark”
Avoiding
“Turtle”
Score: _______
high goal orientation
low relationships orientation
Score: _______
low goal orientation
low relationships orientation
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
Concern for personal goals
9
Conflict management strategies case
See ‘Material for conflict case’ on Toledo
10 min
in pairs
1. In which ways can the CEO approach this conflict? Write
down what the CEO would do/say in each of the modes.
(Thomas-Kilmann)
2. What is the most appropriate conflict mode to handle this
conflict?
Conflict management strategies case
Suggested solution conflict modes
• Accommodating “Teddy Bear”


Shows no interest in his own stakes but does care about the concerns of his own
people.
The CEO takes into consideration the protest of his employees and withdraws the
measures, fearing he might otherwise lose his best people and ruin the atmosphere at
work.
• Collaborative “Owl”


Important stakes for all parties: eager to satisfy the demands-concerns of both parties.
The CEO organises more meetings with his employees to discuss their ideas and the
measures to be taken in view of the future of the company.
Conflict management strategies case
Suggested solution conflict modes
• Compromising ”Fox”


Reaching a consensus: showing consideration for his own stakes as well as others’
stakes to a certain extent.
The CEO shares the measures to be taken with his employees. He adds that a social
plan will be offered to a number of employees consisting of a temporary, additional
allowance and the assistance of an outplacement office.
• Avoiding “Turtle”


Little interest for his own and other people’s stakes.
The CEO ignores the advice and hopes Covid-19 will soon be a distant memory and the
economy will pick up again.
• Competing “Shark”


Focus on your own interests, disregard other people’s interests.
The CEO tells/informs employees that there is no other way of solving these problems
as the company might go bankrupt in the near future.
Conflict management strategies case
Suggested solution conflict modes
Most appropriate style?
•
Accommodating: not appropriate. It will benefit the atmosphere, but it might also have a
negative effect on the future of the company which is no good to anyone.
•
Collaborative: seems an appropriate way, but is time-consuming and time is lacking in this
case.
•
Compromising: seems most appropriate in this case. A solution which is acceptable to both
parties needs to be found quite quickly.
•
Avoiding: not appropriate as this deals with a crucial issue i.e. the future of the company.
•
Competing: is a possibility. The CEO has to take into account that the atmosphere might
deteriorate and eventually unions will take over-step in which in its turn might cause further
damage.
Focus on opportunities
• Conflicts are unavoidable at the office.
• Organisations need conflicts to thrive.
• Conflicts are useful: monitor limits, acually say/voice
things, avoid gossip, looking for solutions.
Assignment Module 7 ‘Feedback and Dealing
with conflicts’
• Thomas-Kilman Conflict Mode Questionnaire (see PDF on Toledo)
• Template on Toledo (Module 7)
• Deadline: 23h59 on Toledo the day before class (week 11).
Were your scores on the
test recognizable? And
what’s your primary
conflict mode?
How would you link
your conflict mode to
your results for the
Assertiveness test?
Explain which conflict
mode you’ve used in
one of your past
conflicts. Was it the
most appropriate?
Sources
• Toledo material
• The interpersonal communication book (Joseph A. DeVito)