David Taylor initial statement
How we met We met during our time working at Orchard House Nursing home. I would work the night shift and Sophie worked the day shift. I would see Sophie first thing in the morning while taking the bins out. I would say hi but i would not get a response. Sophie was asked to join the night team due to changes being made to the head of care position and staff being left their current role. We worked together once but never spoke much. During this time I was leaving my current relationship, Sophie knew my ex, and during our second time working together she told me she was a bit crazy and I should leave because I could do better myself and my ex broke up not long after. I noticed Sophie did start to flirt here and there but it was hardly noticeable. I added her on Instagram and we got talking. I noticed she baked and I liked it because I liked eating cake. We spoke some more and i asked her if she was attending the christmas party, she wasn't sure as she had work that night she ultimately said she would go but i wasn't too sure. The Christmas party came when Sophie did manage to turn up. We had drinks but that was all as she said she had to leave early as she had work. I went up town and later found out she went up town also but we never met. During this time there were no obvious signs on my side. Sophie may have liked me in any way but I knew she was different. On Christmas eve she made some of the best cupcakes I ever tasted. I just remember saying I have to know her more.. So I set out to do that. After having two i messaged her and said something to the effect of " those cakes" and sophie said "i take it you like them" so i responded with "i think you found yourself a husband".
During the Christmas shift it was at that point I knew I started to catch feelings. She looked amazing and had a personality too. First time we got together On 26/12/19 Sophie invited me to come to the pub. This was our Christmas celebration as we had worked Christmas night. The location of choice was the dog and partridge. When I got to the pub I was nervous. I played pool with my friend. I remember people staring at me alot. What I didn't know at the time was that her mom, step father and family friends were present. As the night was winding down she told me she had plans to go to town. She offered me to come with her and i accepted. When i got to town she we started drinking and so after expressed pur feelings for each other, we made out and spent the night partying together.
At the end of the night i asked where did she want to go from here, she told me we was together and thats that and we got together she took my jacket and went home that night and so did i.
First time we slept together I was invited out again on new years to a party, again we spent alot of time together and had alot of fun. At the end of the night myself and sophie went back to her moms place with the family. Her mom and stepdad dropped a friend back home. While they was gone Sophie got very touchy i told her to behave in a jokey way but i knew what she touch and felt the same too. We went downstairs into the utility and had sex. After spent a while speaking we both didnt want to leave the other but knew we had too. At this point i knew i catching strong feels for her out of nowhere. David sleeping at sophies house on a regular basis
We did alot of our own things during this time frame. We would go to work, the gym the pub and so on. It was a week after one of our paydays and i would ask sophie what she had planned for after work she said nothing i asked her where she was and she said she was walking home. I questioned it if she had any cash left and she said no so i said i would come get her. She said no but i insisted and she said yes when i got her house i liked it i liked sending time with her family it was really fun. I slept over that night with sophie in her room. The next day it was decided it was best of we slept in the front. This worked because sophie was still working days and i was working nights which ment we could see each other more. I would help sophie take the children to school and even help with shopping it was a really fun time. What made it better was her mom reminded me of my nan very strongly opinionated and always a firm frip of the house, a again really fun time. First few months together and staying at Sophies
While staying at Sophies house we would regually speak in the night about everything. I guess you could this the getting to know each other phase which usually happens first. It should be understood i wouldnt of changed a thing i had a diamond, and i wasnt prepared to sell and regardless of what you read later on. I still think had a diamond.
Sophie would explain to her family backstory which was really food to here. She told me how much she loves her father but her mom treats ger different because of how close they are.
It was this point Sophie started opening up about the issues with her mother. She would tell me she was dating a guy her mom didnt like, so her mom made her "ghost him" meaning to cut him off and never speak to him ever again (an action that will appear again later on). I told Sophie more about my ex and why that relationship ended.
Sophie told me how her mom does nothing, just sits at the table drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes while she did everything around the house. She said she was sick of it because she couldn't be herself. She told me she never forgave her mom because she took her away from her father and ran away to Wolverhampton with her siblings.
I questioned why and she responded her mom was always in debt, and she left her father with the bills and ran away. When her father found out he came to get them back. They argued outside but then left but her father still had regular contact. I asked her Sophie would you ever do that as I was abit scared this could happen to me but she said no never she hates people like that. She was crying and upself and trusted her. Sophie explained her plan to run away and take her youngest sister who she was fond of as she didnt want her mom to destroyed her life. Sophie said her mom was going to ruin her hence the plan to run away. Sophie said she basically raised her. During this period Sophie changed her password on her phone to match mine and was open to allowing the other to use each other's phone. Sophie distancing herself from lauren and learning about her friendship circle Sophie told me she did not have many friends as her main friends lived in wales, Sophie explained she spoke to them via messenger but, the only time she would go and see them is if she went down to her dads and her friends in wolverhampton was mainly Lauren and a few acquaintances. Sophie told me she wasn't close friends with Lauren anymore, as it was all about Lauren. She said she felt like she wasn't equal and Lauren would always treat her as her second.
Sophie claimed around Lauren she wasn't allowed to be herself she would always have to do what wanted to do. She said Lauren was phasing her out for Shannon but she didn't care as Lauren was never a good friend. I did believe that I could see Lauren was spending a lot of time with Shannon and she would never speak to Sophie as much as she said they used to too. While having this conversation I gave my opinion and advice based on what she had said. I told her if she felt so strongly about it don't take it anymore, stand up for herself and Lauren didn't want to be friends she should consider doing her own thing. Sophie agreed and over the next few months, I noticed this was the advice she had taken. The communication from laurens side was very limited and I never really saw Sophie make a big effort with her.
I'm saying this because in her non molestation order statement she claimed i isolated her from her friends and family which is completely false as Sophie made this decision herself. David finding out about sophie speaking with her ex boyfriend.
I remembered sophie was talking to a guy named Tom. It didnt dawn on me a first who it be as there alot of people named tom. While staying over on one of the nights i got curious if this Tom was the same as her ex Tom the one she ghosted. I remember allowing me acess to her phone and wanted to know. I picked up and put it down because i was affraid what i might see, if there anything was to see. I smoked a cigarette thought about it, then decided to look. It turns put they was very much still having covertations that blurred the times between friend and more than friends. I remember feeling hurt, i smoked another cigarette and woke her up. I told her sorry for looking but i got curious i asked if the she was speaking to was her ex, she said yes. I asked why and she told me it wasnt anything like thay he wanted to still be with her and didnt see it like that i said to her it was cheating but she didnt see it like that. I asked her how she would feel if i spoke to my ex which she didnt like. We spoke some more and blocked him and said she would never cheat on anyone. Sophie explaining why she didnt want to use a condom or the pill We regularly sleeping with each other while i stayed over. I grew some concerns over what would happen of she got pregnant. Which seems silly when you think about because i was stilling sleeping with her but wasnt something that crossed my mind. Before meeting sophie, every person i had been with a asked at some point for them to go on the pill as i wasnt ready. With sophie it was different she came across as very traditional with how she would help around the house, cook food, get the kids ready for school and even pick them up. She told me she didnt like it as it didnt react well with her and didnt want the weight gain that came with it. In all fairness I didn't like using condoms either and neither did sophie. We spoke alot about having children and how we would raise our children if something like that happened.
I knew what Sophie was already doing around so I felt there weren't any concerns there. When I met Sophie I was told by her mom she didnt eat a lot, so good luck there but when I would pick her up from work I would always get food and offer it to her and she couldn't resist. Sophie explained her diet consisted of potatoes, cheese and alot of junk food. I asked her if it would be the same if she got pregnant she said no, she explained she would change as babies can't survive on junk which made me feel more comfortable.
Regularly sleeping together without protection.
As stated we were sleeping together without protection. When she was due on her period she would always get nervous as she was expected to miss it. To be honest I did too. We brought many pregnancy tests as she always thought she was and we would hide them in my bag because she said her mom would kill her. She would get disappointed if she wasnt pregnant and at this point I did too. Roise's 40th birthday party Sophie's mom's birthday party was really fun, she invited my family but only my mother and sister could attend. I met more of Sophie's side of the family too. It was really fun. Sophie was amazing the whole night she kept her eye on all her siblings and made sure everyone ate and was well looked after. We had a few drinks together and enjoyed ourselves. I remember my mom not being happy about a comment Jean (Sophie's Grandmother) made to her. My mom stated she (Jean) stated they didn't want any brown babies, or something to that effect. I'll be honest I was mad about it after hearing that, but i never got that verified so i can't comment on if this was said or not. But what I will say is that it made my mom sit at the table the whole night. I remember saying to Julie ( Sophie's stepdad's mother) I wanted to marry Sophie. I think i told sophie on that night or some time later in 3 years sophie told me 2 and half and said deal. No this was not the alcohol speaking i meant it she was perfect. Sophie going to wales for two weeks in February 2020
Sophie told me she was going to Wales for two weeks for her friend's birthday party (Caitlin), which at first made me a bit sad because roundabout this time we saw each other a lot. In my Opinion this was to be expected as we were going through the honeymoon period. Sophie went to Wales and she still kept regular contact which was nice, we would regularly tell each other how much we wanted to see each other. I still felt something was missing though, I missed the interaction with her family and her mother. While speaking to Sophie about this over Facebook video call she suggested I should go over and that they wouldn't have a problem with this. So one day (during these two weeks) I turned up on the doorstep to hangout with her family. Roise said she was going to re-decorate so she asked if I wanted to help and I said yes. We figured while I was there I might as well sleep over as it would save the long trip from Warstones to Wednesfield. While I was there, on some days I took the kids (Sophie's two younger sisters) to school. I’d also help with shopping, if i remember correctly it was twice with Roise and once with Morgan and Ashley. While I was there I started to think during. Me sophie had a few close pregnancy calls. I remember thinking the fact that I was aware of it meant we had far too many close calls and started to wonder if we weren't thinking.
Up until this point, I knew it was moving fast (when I mean fast, I mean what I would consider fast. Everyone has their own opinion on the speed they are dating at). I knew I liked her, I knew she was different and she had changed my opinion on having children in general, I just knew I had fears regarding what if it went wrong. So I thought it was a good idea to speak with her mother to see if Sophie's mind was in the right place or was she just another female who wanted children with no long term perspective. So one afternoon I asked her mom if I could speak to her. At this period I didn't really open up to my mom about these type of conversations but I felt like Sophie was direct and to the point so she wouldn't tell me how it is. I opened about what Sophie had told me regarding her concerns with her mom. I can't remember what her mom replied but I remember Rosie being visibly angry, We spoke for a while regarding the allegations Sophie made against her mother before I mentioned the topic about Sophie wanting a child. I've never seen anyone chain some so fast, Roise was angry to the point of shaking her reaction was what i was expecting but i would rather a conversation like this rather it being a ‘’surprise’’ and unexpected, when in reality i knew it wouldn't be. Her mom explained she wasn't ready yet and she would struggle and she had no clue what she was walking into. Rosie was visibly angry which made sense because she was concerned. She called the doctors but i can't remember if she got through or not but said when she got back (Sophie) she was going on the pill. Rosie told me Sophie wouldn't listen to her, but I had to be mature and help her make the right choice.
The relationship between david and Sophie's mom changed a lot after she knew Sophie wanted a child. When Sophie returned from Wales I spoke to her about the conversation I had with her mother a few days after. Sophie didn't like that I had spoken to her mother about it. I remember telling Sophie she should talk to her mother regarding what she wanted to do and this was something she thought about. Sophie replied and told me she would sort it. It turned out, Sophie never did have that conversation with her mother. I only found this out when Sophie did get pregnant and she told her mother and I saw how her mother reacted after towards not only on the day but the weeks that followed. David not allowed to sleep over and Sophie moving out I was informed by Sophie's mother I would not be allowed to sleep over anymore, during this time Sophie's mother was being very off with me (It was apparent as soon as she found her daughter wanted to get pregnant), and it had been like this ever since she found out Sophie wanted to get pregnant. When i told Sophie about this she told me it was happening again, i asked her what was happening again and Sophie said do you remember Tom? (Tom Higgins, her ex partner) I said yes. Sophie said well her mom might be doing the same thing again so i suggested sophie sleep over at my house which she agreed to as she and her mother were trying to control her relationship. Sophie was also very happy about this because at the time she was sharing a room with her younger sister Morgan and felt like she needed her own space. Sophie had also started buying a few items here and there in preparation to move out like she had told me a few months prior.
At this point Sophie had moved out of her mothers home, but the majority of her belongings stayed there at her mothers house for the moment. Sophie's birthday party and Joel
Sophie's birthday was on 8th March a few days leading up to this our relationship felt, off. While I was aware both Joel and Sophie were good friends since their childhood something started to stand out to me. I noticed Sophie was always talking about Joel a lot more but when she did it would be after communications via snapchat, she would often be difficult to speak to and she would often be upset. I did ask her too many questions because she wasn't easy to speak to in those situations. So I spoke to her mother about it and Roise said it was probably because he’s coming to her birthday and she hasn't seen him in a long time. A few days before Sophie's birthday while Sophie and I were over at her mothers house, I found Sophie crying in what used to be her mothers room. I asked her what was up and she told me Joel wasn't coming to her birthday so I consoled her and tried to make her happy but leading up to her birthday her mood got worse. On her birthday Sophie had a lot to drink and had to leave early due to being drunk so she went back to my place. She was crying a lot and there was a lot of talk about her friend Joel. At this point I thought I would ask her a question because she was getting emotional about him alot. So I said can i ask you a question and she said yes and I said do you have feelings for joel and she quickly responded yes, so I paused a few minutes before asking her again and she again quickly responded yes. I wasn't happy by her reply, but, from what I had seen prior (her actions) and their interactions via messages, everything just seemed off. I remember thinking, what was the point of dating me, if she really wanted someone else? So I said we would speak about it in the morning.
Sophie's Birthday aftermath and the lies she told to Joel. David setting the record straight. Earlier on I had mentioned that Sophie had shown me a lot of her communications between herself and Joel. And a lot of those messages from what I could see on her behalf blurred the lines between friendship and Sophie wanting more than this. Combining this with Sophie spending a lot of time saying things about me which wasn't true led me to believe something was off. One of the messages I remember was on my birthday which was January 2020 (which i usually don't like celebrating) my friends wanted to go out and do something different so after some thought i said yes. I asked Sophie if she would like to join us at the pub which is around the corner from where we worked for a drink or two. She said no, I don't want to. so I asked why not? She said i just don't want to so i joked with her and said i'll come up to you. As I knew something was very off here, to which she responded with if you do i'll turn around and leave which didn't make any sense to me. So now my once joke turned into an actionable step. My friend Yesh asked if everything was alright and i said no not really i explained what had been said and he said we’ll jump in the car and go up there and try and see if she would come out, so we did, it should be stated that Yesh too also knew Sophie as he had worked with her during the days shifts. When I got to Sophie she was at the bus stop but she wasn't happy. I pleaded with her to come for a drink and eventually she did. Sure you could say she just finished work but, there have been many occasions up until this point (in January) where the role was revered and I still came to see her when she asked and we both didn't see anything wrong with it. When we got to the pub she remained silent, almost as if she didn't want to associate with anyone. My friends tried to make a big effort with her mainly best friend Sue but Sophie was very rude for no reason at all and it seemed very puzzling. Sophie requested to go home so we dropped her back home before we went uptown for a few drinks. I later found out a few days later while at sophie's mothers with Sophie when she was messaging Joel she was mad because i had a female best friend, and she was jealous of the amount of time in which we spent together and have done for years (which can be proven with a Facebook message between sophie and Joel). Sophie would often go to Joel for a shoulder to cry on. which was not the issue, what was the issue was what she was saying to him which was incorrect and not true about myself and my friendship with Sue. This would set the tempo for things to come which as a result isolated me from my friend Sue at a later time and resulted in myself losing out on a crucial support system which was my friends. Setting the record straight with Joel and alot of lies Sophie was telling him
A day after Sophie's birthday I decided to set the record straight in regards to a lot of the lies Sophie was telling and I also wanted to know if there were feelings on his end. Back to Sophie's statement on her non molestation order and to the family support worker, she claimed i distance her from her family and friends. But if you read the interaction between myself and Joel you will see I started early. I really wanted to meet him as I was hearing a lot of good things about him. Also it should be stated Joel has said himself he works away and it was his choice to step away from Sophie while she works on building her relationship with me. There were no issues between myself and Joel while we were having this conversation, he explained he had no feelings for her on his behalf and he wanted only the best for us both he just wasn't sure why she would do something like this. An argument with Sophie and Bad advice from her mother and stepdad
When I first got together with Sophie we both agreed we would both be upfront and honest with each other. There was a particular incident in which Sophie didn't tell me something which we later we both agreed after was something I needed to know. We also had an argument regarding the legitimacy of other stories she had told me, also because it was around this time I knew she wasn't telling me the truth about a lot of what she had spoken about (regarding her history and much more). Also she told a lot of lies about me to her friends (Joel being the main one). I just didnt understand why she wanted to be with someone only to create an issue to complain about, It just never made any sense to me. She would tell me what I thought was lies about her eldest sister Tia when she said she had slept with Ashleys bother at the of 16 who at the time was 28. I just didn't believe stories like this but this indeed was true from what I later found out. While Sophie was at work I passed by her mothers house (I forget the reason why I went over) but while I was there I spoke to her about it. Ashley pulled up a chair and asked me more about it. Roise and Ashley both turned to each other before Roise said you should have it out with her, Ashley agreed with her. Roise said she won't like being confronted about it but you should at least give it a go and clear the air. When i picked Sophie up i said i needed to talk to her before we went back home we drive to the car park of the Warstones library at 21:12 and left at 22:52(according to my google location history on Tuesday 10th March 2020) and i brought up a lot of the lies she was she had told and questioned what she had said to Joel i told her how wrong it was, I told her what's the point of being with someone only to create drama. Was I mad? Yes. Was I venting? Yes. Sophie didn't have much to say, and was crying which I had noticed is normal for when she's caught out or she knows she's done something wrong. I remember telling her i had wasted my time and there was no point moving forward and after a long pause she turned with her hand out and said ‘’Hi i'm Sophie, can we start again and i'm sorry’’ i did something similar to her a few weeks prior so i knew she used my line on me. I said no more lies and we resolved it and went home. David part exchanging his car in return for the vauxhall astra.
Myself and Sophie spent a lot of time going out to different pubs with Rosie and Ashley. On occasion, I think we were heading to Walsall. I was asked if i like the car after i made the comment i would like a car at some point as the clutch was going on my car. Ashley said I could have their car as he was looking for a BMW. I didn't really comment as I thought this was a joke. Not long after this Ashley would ask on a regular basis if I wanted to look at cars in dealerships so I said sure. He worked a lot, it seemed like everyday so i didn't see him much until after work. So it took about 2 or 3 weeks for this to happen. I was asked (by Roise) if I would like to have the Astra as Ashley wanted a bigger car. I said I would think about it. I spoke to Sophie and she said when her mom is involved with money, it never ends well. Her Father said something along these lines. Sophie explained she owes a lot of people money in Wales, which is one of the reasons she ran away in the first place. Roise and Ashley would put a lot of pressure on me regarding the car. It felt like every time I saw them they were asking.
Sophie was making plans with me to go to Wales. I had never gone before but I would regularly get comments from Rosie that my car wouldn't hold up due to the clutch even though she knew I was planning on getting this fixed. I felt like she did this as a way to get me to make a decision faster. It didn't help that there was tension with me due to Sophie wanting to settle down so i knew i wanted to keep the piece and not create conflict and as far as i was aware i was going to have the Astra signed over into my name (which did not happen) On Ashley day off, he asked if I wanted to view some cars down the dealership with him one of the days so I said yes figuring he was just bringing it up again and it wouldnt for a while considering it never happened until this point. Within the hour he said he was ready, which surprised me because I didn't think it would be that day. We went outside and he told me to bring my car too which seemed odd but I didn't question it. I didn't know why I would need my car. Ashley drove the astra and i drove the Peugeot 207. When we arrived at the V12 dealership (I think that was the correct name) Ashley asked to speak to someone regarding the Qashqai. Ashley spoke to the car salesman for a while and came to sit with me. While we sat there we didn't speak much about anything which was odd. I remember Ashley saying something along the lines of they wanted a bigger deposit. I think I asked him how much he had but I'm not sure. We sat for a while and I asked if the astra was going to be in my name and Ashley said yes. Then it dawned on me that my car had a lot to do with this transaction. Ashley said I was thinking we could part exchange your car which wouldn't matter because you're getting the astra. I thought about it for a while and said well that's true and my clutch is going and thinking back to the countless comments Sophie's mother made while Sophie was in wales this made a lot of sense to me. Ashley and the salesman went away and spoke. When Ashley came back I was told the car was valued at £50 which seemed really low to me. I was told to go back and get the V5C for my Peugeot 207. So I did. When I came back I filled out some paperwork sent via email from the dealership and asked to give him the "key" to the astra and I was told I would be added to the insurance (Ashleys insurance). So I left and Ashley continued his Transaction.
Asking her mother for the second key after speaking to my uncle
I remember speaking to my uncle when he called not long after I got possession of the Vauxhall Astra, and he asked me if the car was fully signed over into my name. I said it's meant to be, he had asked me if i had all the paperwork and the spare key i said no. He demanded I ask for it as that was part of the deal. He said what if something were to happen and try to take the car back? He said what if they just want you to pay for their care and when it's paid for you don't get the car and Sophie leaves? Then he said get them to transfer the finance in your name which can be done. I can't remember if it was on that day or the day after I went round to Sophie's house with Sophie, and I asked her mother for the second key. Rosie replied we can't give it to you in case it gets lost, which started to confirm my worries. So Roise started to question me, and she asked me why I was asking so I told her about the conversation I had with my uncle. I don't think i was ready for the reaction, Rosie became abrupt, she started yelling you think i would mug you off? I'm not that kind of person, I can't believe you think I would do that. Then said the finance company would transfer the finance over to anyone else (Ashley and Roise never once said they attempted to do this and they never made me aware which would have been fair if we are doing business). I told Roise my uncle wasn't being funny or anything, he just wanted to make sure everything would be ok in the long run.
Roise kept saying we wouldn't do anything like that, which was hard to believe when I kept considering what Sophie had said about her mother and money. Then Roise insisted on proving the payments for the car and the insurance amount was correct. There was a lot of silence and tension in the room, following the argument. I looked over at Sophie and you could see she was torn and she felt like she had to pick a side. I didn't want to cause any further conflict on top of what was already present so I decided to remain quiet. I felt bad for Sophie as I felt like she was torn because she knew her mom and what was likely to be happening here but didn't want to say anything out of fear her mom would react. By now I could see that the relationship between myself and Roise was breaking down even more. From this day I just got the feeling there was a lot of tension between myself and Roise. Sophie's mom found out Sophie missed her period
Sophie's period was due in the second half of April of 2020, we were expecting it to happen at some point as this is something we both had discussed we wanted to happen. In the months prior she would regularly tell me her period was late. To which I would respond by saying I wanted to get a test. My reasoning was I wanted a heads up as soon as possible if she was pregnant so we could start organising. Sophie would object to this multiple times stating she wanted it to be a surprise which didn't make sense to me as we knew this was going to be the likely outcome when we weren't using any protection.
I know why she did not want to know for a few reasons, I know I was very afraid of her moms reaction. Sophie felt that her mother would be angry because if sophie left the extra money and services she was providing to her mother would disappear eg giving her mother money if she needed it for things like shopping and the pub, taking the kids to school, taking loans out on her mothers behalf to buy items like the kids school uniform and the Playstation 4 which her mother ultimately didn't pay for and leaving her in debt.
It was some of these debts which later played a role in the breakdown in our relationship. So with some persuasion from my end she would agree to getting the pregnancy test done on two occasions and these would be brought after we dropped her siblings to school on our day off. It was during the time frame myself and Sophie went to see her Mother and siblings, I remember Morgan (Sophie's younger sister) coming back from the shop with two cans of monster to make some kind of slushy. She said she only needed one can and offered Sophie the other. Sophie told her she's alright so no thanks. There was a pause on Morgan's part before she looked at me, then the light bulb went off in my head Sophie never refuses the pink pipeline punch monster. When I looked back at Morgan she was shocked. I knew at that point she knew Sophie might have been pregnant. Sophie was unaware that her sister had caught on and as for their mother, well she was playing on her phone around the table so i had no clue if she caught onto what happened. Then her mom said, has your period come yet? Sophie replied not yet but I should come. Her mom said to her it was better.
And for the rest after it was extremely awkward and Myself and Sophie did leave very early as usually we would stay until later. Lockdown and losing our jobs In the first week of April 2020 Myself and Sophie both lost our jobs during the coronavirus period. It was said by the NHS that all vulnerable people should do their best to isolate as much as possible away from symptomatic individuals. Due to my NDA im not allowed top full disclose what was happening at our place of employment at the time, but what i can say i stay to stay protected due to my asthma (which the NHS considered someone with that disability to be vulnerable) not to mention i was still living at home with someone who was vulnerable. By asking for safety and protection I was wrongfully terminated. A few days later so was Sophie for stating a similar thing. Sophie finding out she was pregnant, finding new jobs Leading up to myself and Sophie confirming we were pregnant should get regular texts from her mother asking if her people had come yet to which Sophie would reply no. During this time this communication was destroyed between Sophie and her mother and I think this was mainly due Sophie's mom thinking she had her daughter figured out but in reality this was not the case. I wanted to speak with her mother about it to see if I could mend fences sooner but Sophie would always tell me she would do it in her own time, so I respected what she said. After losing our jobs we found out soon after Sophie was indeed pregnant after missing her period. We were both nervous as there were a lot of concerns over the lockdown and now we had to find new employment in times of uncertainty when we should have had our original jobs.
I think it was a week later I asked Sophie to do a pregnancy test as I wanted to know early Sophie didn't want to do one just yet but I still think she was afraid at this point because she knew the way her mother would react but she would eventry say yes to one. We went and got one and she was indeed pregnant. Myself and Sophie did ultimately find new jobs as agency workers as health care assistants working for Secure healthcare solutions, Smithridge, care plus and others. Situation with her mom not getting better
We (myself and Spophie were constantly walking on eggshells around her mom as there was a lot of tension between Roise and Sophie and myself. Sophie cried a lot during this time period. I think she felt we were going to lose everything. Clearly this was the reaction she was expecting from her mom. I respect and appreciate the choice she made to want to follow through and bring forth our child. She could have gotten a abortion with the stress she faced or worse walked out and ghosted me also. I started to get a sense and an understanding of when Sophie explained to me months ago her mom could be a nasty person which is why she wasn't close with her and didn't want to be near her. Sophie's brother's birthday, Pregnancy disclosure, argument between Sophie myself and her Mother. On the 30th of April (that date might be slightly incorrect but I know it was in April) Myself and Sophie went to her mothers house for her younger brother's birthday. I forgot what the exact main issue was (the main issue was something I had) but there were other matters between myself and Sophie.I decided to stay quiet for most of the day and not speak about it. I do remember I asked Sophie to tell her mother about the pregnancy and to discuss what we had wanted going forward as it pertains to her mother, which was for her mother to respect our relationship and not take control. We never agreed to exclude anyone but we felt the main decision making, as parents, needed to be our own. After listening to Sophie months prior, and seeing the level of control and influence over everyones lives I knew she wasn't lying because would try to do the same to me. Roise would even go as far to use me to get through to get Sophie to do something because felt Sophie only seemed to listen to me.
Sophie only seemingly listened to me (from her mothers perspective) because prior to meeting me, Sophie wasn't really close with a lot of people (she had close friends but they either lived far away or didn't speak to her much) and spent a lot of time around her mother who controlled her every move and decision. And for the first time (unless she was with her father who didn't do this to her) I think she felt free of that environment but had someone to open up to and would listen to her. It was later in the afternoon Sophie's mother kept pressuring me to speak about the topic until I finally did. I said what was wrong and Sophie's mother got really mad about it and tried to get involved. I remember Sophie saying after we had left it had nothing to do with her in the first place. After asking me Roise asked Sophie again if she was pregnant, there was a big pause and she asked Sophie again. And Sophie said yes. Rosie was concerned and I could understand that. She was telling Sophie she needed to tell her father and Tia (her sister). Sohpie didn't say a lot during this time. Then her mom turned toward me and said something along the lines of I told you she wasn’t ready, she said you (Me David) came to me and spoke about your concerns you had and I said I spoke to Sophie and we got a better understanding and moved forward with. To put it bluntly we got a dressing down. Then Sophie got more of a dressing down from her mother, when I got an opening to speak I tried to explain to her mother her ration and anger was a bit much and we could speak about it instead of shout about, which did not go down well with her mother. I tried to explain to Rosie what myself and Sophie had discussed because I knew Sophie had mentally shut down at this point. I asked her mother if at times she could step back and allow us to make some of these important decisions by ourselves because if we took the initiative and made these decisions, who could truly know we were capable of raising a child without a lot of input from someone else. I told Roise this does not mean you're excluded from anything, if I need her advice then we would for sure come to her or my mother first but we needed to see what we could do by ourselves.
I would like to note we (myself and Sophie) gave my mother the same speech when she found out Sophie was pregnant and she did it very well and just told us both if needed her should be there the best she could. This also did not sit well with Rosie, she lit up another cigarette and asked Sophie if this was true and Sophie said yes. Her mother started lashing out at me, calling us both stupid and asked who I thought I was so I calmly reminded her I was going to be the father of the child her daughter was carrying and I intended to do right by her. I thought saying this would be the confidence boost she (Roise) needed to hear that I wasn't going anywhere and everything was going to be ok despite the initial shock (even though we knew it was going getting to the point of pregnancy based on our choices to this point). Roises temper flared and i got a dressing down regarding what i just said so i turned to Roise and said i honestly i was doing the right by saying that you but we really needed to be the ones and make our own choices but based on Sophie has told me about you being controlling we both just don't want that level of control over the relationship and how we will eventually raise a child. The conversation, correction. Argument, was heated to say the least at this point.
Roise turned to myself and Sophie and told us to leave, then she turned to Sophie and told her to choose between Myself or her. I got up and said im done when i got the stairs (the house had 3 levels, one of new builds in Wednesfield) I asked sophie what she wanted to do she said she was coming Sophie said to give her a minuet as i was on my way out i could hear Sophie's mother telling her she was welcome their but i wasn't.
I waited for Sophie in the car. When she came to the car she was weeping at how her mom reacted.I had no idea what was said between them. I spoke to Sophie about what had just happened and I told her, I didn't want to see her on bad terms with her family. I expressed I wasn't happy with how her mom reacted to my comment regarding myself and Sophie making key decisions for ourselves. I also explained I thought I was doing the right thing. But we both decided to have a child so I asked again what she wanted to do. She told me let's go home and I looked at her and said let's do this together and we went home. Sophie's father reaction At some point Sophie tells her father about being pregnant and to her surprise he took it very well. She told her father she wanted for herself and me to make decisions by ourselves regarding our child and again the response was very positive and he agreed.
Seeing Sophie's siblings, not being allowed in the house, not being aloud to tell her siblings she was pregnant, telling her siblings and Roise’s reaction
myself and Sophie had more work as agency workers but the hours was not the best due to Covid 19 and on one occasion we lost work entirely after i think Secure healthcare solutions lacked a level of understanding regarding and issue which had popped and we had shifts cancelled as a result. During this time Sophie and her mother were still in communication and a few times suggested we go down to her mothers to see her siblings. When we got there I was told I wasn't allowed in Sophie was but she waited in the car with me while her siblings came out. There was a period where we were not allowed in the house, we could only see her siblings outside while her mom would have the blinds to the window shut (which she would do when we came to visit) as if she was subliminally shutting Sophie out of her life. We were given the instruction not to tell kids about Sophie's pregnancy as it wouldn't be fair on them. How? I do not know.
I remember the two youngest playing with Sophie near the car, the youngest phoebe almost hit Sophie in the tummy. Sophie grabbed her tummy not because she was hurt but to project our unborn child. They both joked and said she's having a baby to which I said she is. They said really? And I said yes. Sophie just confirmed it. Rosie was never too happy about this, I think she asked who told them I said me and she said they were too young or something along those lines. Roise only found out when they got excited and ran inside. Lies being spread about me and Sophie disconnect with lauren
While together in a relationship with Sophie we have only been laurens house on two occasions. The first time was in April 2020 and the second time was when Laurens grandad passed away. When laurens Grandad passed away she messaged Sophie and was very shaken. They spoke on the phone for a while. When Sophie got off the phone I suggested that we go up to laurens. I asked Sophie what her favourite Ice cream was, we should get some and let her just have a day where she can just remember the good times. So that's what we did. The Day went very well until the topic of Sophie's Mother was brought up by Clair (Laurens mother). Clair said Roise said a lot of stuff like she didn't know who her daughter was anymore. She changed ever since she last met me and a lot more. Clair said Roise accused me of disrespecting her. So i asked what was the nature of the disrespect and Clair said she didn't know Roise won't say anything about all she keeps saying is disrespect. Sophie's grandmother Jean had said a similar thing when we visited us prior. Myself and Sophie explained to Clair and Lauren what was said on the day we were told to leave, after I explained to Roise we wanted to make sure we could do this by ourselves without external input making key decisions for us but if we need help we would be sure to ask for help. I will say this again. We told Roise this because Sophie told me and I saw this for myself Sophie’s mother likes to take control of everything and we didn't want that, but we wanted to make sure we could do this by ourselves. At some point Lauren and Clair said to Sophie Why don't we see you anymore whenever we see you you're always with him. I was offended, because until I suggested we go up to see Lauren Sophie never said a thing, So at this point i had felt like i wasted a lot of time going up there if they never wanted me there. A further point i would like to make is there were times where i worked and sophie didn't due to shifts not being available. Sophie never did go to Laurens (Hence Lauren and Claire's comment).
In Addition we had a lot on our plate, a lot of stress from Sophie's mother, work to go to and much more. I made such a big effort with them by going down to their house for Sophie when in reality I never had to and in the past at parties we would go to. I left the house feeling insulted, and I told Sophie I wanted nothing to do with them and I wasn't going down there again, she could but I wouldn't.
Sophie receiving constant pressure from her mother Sophie would receive a lot of messages from her mother saying she needed to speak to her and stop ignoring her. We did have a lot of work commitments which involved travel but the truth is Sophie didn't want to speak to her mother at all because all her mother was looking for was an argument. Sophie felt she wanted her to have an abortion. I even felt this way too looking at the messages but when Sophie would ask her mother if this was the case her mother would say no don't be stupid. Roise would always tell Sophie she needed to speak with Tia. When I asked Sophie what was the big deal about Tia and what did this have to do with her. Sophie said her mother would Tia to get through to her, The only problem was. Tia is very combustible and likes to start an argument Sophie went as far to call her crazy which was why Sophie wanted to avoid her at all cost and she did until Tia messed her. Sophie's argument with tia via messenger
Unfortunately I don't have the messages between them. Tia and Sophie had a big argument over why she got pregnant. She told Sophie she was selfish and alot more derogatory names. She told Sophie her children were going to end up in foster care. If I remember correctly, she stopped replying after she got emotionally broken by her comments. Davids argument with Tia via messenger Tia then started calling me derogatory names, I'm sure Tia thought i wasn't their as i had kept quiet when she called Sophie but after hearing how she spoke to Sophie and not she turned on me this is what led to myself and Tia arguing were we had, a lot of insulting words for each other. Following the argument with Tia Roise called I think it was the same and denied knowing what Tia was going to say and didnt mean for that to happen. After they had gotten off the phone Sophie said to me her mother knows what Tia is like, which is why she insisted she speak with her because she knew what the outcome would be. Sophie moving her stuff out of her mothers place It was agreed between Sophie and her mother that she would remove her possessions. Which they agreed on due to Sophie's mother not wanting me in the house. First Scan and sending them to her mother Sophie had her first scan in July of 2020, we decided to go private due to the Covid 19 restrictions. The scan pictures were sent to Sophie's mother by Sophie. Which is interesting because when I was denied access to seeing my children I was told by the family support workers that Roise has not seen or spoken to her daughter (Sophie) in 3 years. But as you will see from the screenshots this is not true. Struggles with the car payment
Myself and Sophie were getting ourselves back to a regular routine of going to work on a consistent basis during the covid 19 restrictions work was not always there while working on agency but we did the best we could. Sophie and her mother were in regular communication via whats app (or facebook) and towards the end of the month she asked for the money for the car which was over £400. I had struggled to make payments due to the fact that a lot of money was also spent on transportation to get to and from work to places within a 30 mile radius from where we lived. Sure we could argue that I could have given back the car which was once attempted but I was told by Roise They (Rosie and Ashley) could not afford the payment of two cars. I was also reminded the car was going to be mine so I couldn't back out of the agreement now. Giving the car back was not really an option because we needed to get to work because we had a lot to prepare for.
Getting Work in one location and being busy Sophie was not always allowed to get the same work opportunities I did due to some care homes not wanting to work pregnant until we got an offer to work at Arden grange Nursing home in bridge north. Their home was in desperate need of staff and they allowed us both to work. The fear of something happening to Sophie while pregnant was somewhat negated when I once asked if Sophie worked with me mostly which meant I could do what I could to protect her which the home agreed to. Due to the staffing levels and the distance of the home we had multiple shifts everyday and practically worked everyday without a day off.
Sophie was still under a lot of pressure from her mother still, as Roise would accuse Sophie of avoiding her and not going down to see her or her siblings. The truth is while Sophie was sick of the arguments and what she felt was a continuous effort by her mother to guilt trip about getting pregnant. The next reason was When Sophie started working at Arden Grange, she worked everyday. We would get up at 6am and be home for 9pm on most days due to the distance. Sophie would also call Morgan and Facetime her sisters and brother. There were many occasions where I came from work (if Sophie isn't working) and they would be on the phone all speaking. A side note, while we completely understood her mothers shock when Sophie got pregnant, if you look at the screenshots from the communications between Sophie and her mother you can see she was being guilt tripped into leaving me on multiple occasions and as I stated before, guilt tripped to feeling guilty for getting pregnant.
Going to Wales meeting Sophie's Farther and family in Wales.
Because we worked a lot I remember one of the days we just got burned out and said we need time away. So we decided on going to Blackpool but we had already booked up a few weeks with Arden Grange. After speaking with management they even felt we needed time off so they allowed us to have time to reset.
Blackpool was nice i guess but the tide was always in which was even more annoying but we felt like there wasn't much to do. While we were there the car got damaged on the passenger side door which had me in a bad mood. The next day myself and Sophie just got bored, I turned to her and asked if her father would be mad if we came to Wales. She said she would call him, which she did and he said it was fine. So we left and went to Wales. Our time in Wales was nice, I got to meet her family in Wales, her aunty, her nan and her father which contrary to what Sophie's mother said about him he was really nice. He didnt spend alot of time with us as he had to work away for a few days.
Wales fallout
I remember Sophie telling me when we got back from Wales her mother wasn't happy with her Father. Myself and Sophie thought it might have something to do with her father taking the news well and not lashing out like Roise did. Ashley and Roise asking for the car I think this happened the first week in August, Roise messaged Sophie and said the car was going back. If I remember correctly they both debated over 2 different dates. I got a message at 00:11 am saying where you at? From Ashley I said I thought the car was going back on thursday. I was told the car would be going back that day or the day before according the a conversation between Roise and Sophie but I wasn't made aware of the full information regarding this. What I found interesting was when I wanted to give the car back prior they wouldn't accept it. Instead, they waited until they knew we were working (we had work at 6am) to ask for it back so late at night. I explained to him the damage to the car and he said I would be paying for it back. What I found annoying was myself and Sophie said we would get the money together to have it fixed as soon as possible but they took the car back before that could even be done. He said car back now i said ok.
I remember Sophie saying she didn't want conflict. I called my friend for transportation home. Along the way I saw a police officer so I pulled them over, Explained the situation in full detail to them and they said they would come along so there wasn't any conflict. I posted the key through their letter box and left. Backlash I remember on the way back feeling angry, because I knew our chance to get to work in the morning had disappeared. I also wasn't happy about the fact my car was gone and had nothing to show for it like I was being warned by my uncle, looking back they would have ultimately taken the car back anyway leaving me with nothing. I called the agency at about 3am in the morning trying to cancel our shift because, well, we had no way of getting there. They asked me what happened to my and Sophie's transport so explained what happened. They said they would get us transport first thing in the morning so we could be there on time but I think the charge was £15 to £20 each shift per person.
While this was taking place Sophie was getting the backlash regarding the car. This was mainly due to the fact that I blocked both Ashley and Rosie. I didn't want to speak or know them anymore. What's interesting to me is they think I was running because of the damage on the car which is simply not true as I already stated myself and Sophie wanted to pay for the damage asap and if the car was mine that wouldn't have been an issue because it would of been fixed in a week or 2 max. My uncle called Ashley and the aftermath, Threats her mother made Sophie's mother was telling Sophie I had to pay for the car, what she does not know is I seek legal advice. I explained the situation and they asked where my original car was. I told them, they asked me where the astra I told them. They told me to stop messaging them and I was advised to not pay anymore money into their account. So I didnt.
My other uncle got involved when her mother started making threats. He didn't really know about what had been happening, So he demanded to have Ashleys number so I gave it to him and about 20 minutes laters we got a phone call from Tia. I think it was saying Sophie what have you done how could you do this panicking basically. They said they were heading back to the house. They said threats were made, Sophie's mother then said i know he's next Sophie said he's not which isn't true I was there it was me Sophie and my mother in the room. I was going to speak. I looked at my mother and she just shook her head so I said nothing.
Roise continued by saying we don't want any money for the car, Sophie you can have him, you're not a part of this family anymore her mother basically disowned her right there and then. Then Roise went onto some stuff about i think she was trying to get a reaction, then she said when i next see him i'm going to smash his face in.
Sophie's siblings banned from speaking about her in the house, Lies told to the by her mother We found out from her father that Sophie's siblings were forbidden to speak about her at all times. Sophie was called names like traitor by her mother and her siblings were told Sophie never wanted to see them ever again. Sophie would often cry for hours on end after this revelation, it was simply not true but she was not in a very tough situation. Buying another car We used the transportation provided by the agency for about 2 weeks i think it was. It was a nightmare only because it was very old but it shaked and ratted like it was going to fall apart. The suspension, if it had one, was really bad. You not only felt every bump going down country roads but it felt like all the bumps were magnified. There were many occasions where Sophie would feel sick and on one occasion Myself and Sophie were dropped in the middle of nowhere because she had to be sick but they would come back for us. I remember on our break we spoke about how we couldn't continue like this. We decided on going halves on a deposit for a vehicle which. Which solved the travel issue. Seeing Sophie's mother in Asda We saw Sophie's mother in Asda. I remember spotting as we were walking around the corner. Roise looked in my direction and I remember staring at her back for some time. We were turning left and her Roise was stationary but I remember realising I was alone, which didn't make any sense because Sophie was right there. I looked back and Sophie, who knew her mother was there, took a shape right and she had a look of fear on her face. Sophie did not attempt to say hello or anything. There was no interaction between myself and Roise, so I turned and went to find Sophie. When I caught up to her, she looked frightened. I asked her why she turned the other way. She wouldn't answer me but she spent a lot of time looking over her shoulder. I never stopped her from speaking to her mother, I didn't months before which can be seen by their messages. My issue with Roise is personal at this point. And my decision to not have her near or around was my choice and continued to be my choice and I will explain later. I will say this, considering what has already happened I think this was a smart and wise decision. Because I truly believe nothing good was going to come from this.
Sophie and I was asked if we was interested in university
While Working at Arden grange myself and Sophie were asked what our long term plans were with care. To be honest we didn't have any long term plans for care work. We were asked by a nurse if we considered becoming a nurse. We said no, what we didn't know was that the nurse was actually a lecturer for Wolverhampton university he told us about how much we could make and even more on agency. When we called Wolverhampton university he had already given them a heads up as to who we were. We had our interviews and was both successful. I was told I would be starting in April of 2021 and Sophie in September. For mental health nursing. Along the way we had assistance from another nurse, Vennessa. Losing our position at Arden Grange Me and Sophie lost our positions at Arden grange when the senior got suspended because another staff member reported her to management. The only issue was that this staff member witnessed what the Senior had been doing. On that shift we were speaking to myself and Sophie about it which led to us having to write state to management. This resulted in me and Sophie being put in a tough spot because the senior had friends who were also seniors who then decided to target me and Sophie. Me and Sophie were meant to sign permanent deals with the company but we held out on signing the contract in the event we couldn't make it work. What I mean is we were told in the winter going down the country lanes would be very difficult as well as driving up the big hills. Because we held out a little too long on our contracts being signed and with issues arising, Arden Grange management told the agency we were great workers but we could not do business. Sophie not being able to work due to being in the later stages of pregnancy After Argen Grange Sophie worked on more before she went on maternity. At this time everything seemed fine. We very rarely spoke about her mother. Just hearing her name was enough to get me into a really bad mood. Sophie's income following unemployment If I remember this correctly Sophie got some kind of money from the government because while working as agency workers we were classed as self employed and as a result she was not entitled maternity pay. Going to Sophie's nans and continuously hearing about Roise While Sophie was now off work I still continued to work for the agency. Sometimes I worked a small amount of half days and a lot of Long days. On many occasions Sophie would say she was down her nans and I could come down after work before we go home. There were times I had an issue with this, on long days I would have been out of the house for 12 hours. Going to her nans was not the issue as her nan said she was neutral (during the time Sophie and her mother had issues). The issue was if i was when i got down there for about 20:30 pm or 21:30 pm which would create a problem if i was put in a position to wait until 00:30 am to 01:00 am to leave and go home only to wake up for work again and 06:30 am. This was not sustainable and I would say this to Sophie and while I do think she tried to understand where I was coming from I really don't think she understood what I was going through. What really caused a problem was the constant mentioning of Sophie's mother, after what we had gone through over the past couple of months i was, Finished with her mother (Roise) for good. While I was down her nans they would bring up the issues over the past couple of months and I honestly felt just getting up and walking out on many occasions it felt like i was going through PTSD. Making a decision to keep her Roise out of our life while we sorted ourselves out.
Sophie and myself made a decision to keep her mother out of our lives, earlier on I had said whenever I would about Rosie, just her name was enough to make me annoyed but it would also be the same with Sophie. If her dad would call and her Roises name was brought, I would hear Sophie often say do we really have to speak about that ‘’vile ass hole’’ Sophie would also say she ‘’hated’’ her mother. Once when she came off the phone to her dad I asked Sophie if the issues with her mother would be a constant in the relationship? I asked her if i needed to be concerned once our daughter was born if her mother would become a problem again? I told Sophie I had fears her mother would find a way to run the home we were trying to make for ourselves and Sophie would say to me no one would come between us and a child. On That day we both decided we didn't want her mother involved going forward and I remember Sophie speaking to her dad and nan about not speaking about our relationship or our child to her mother to which they both agreed. Sophie's nan leaking information to Roise, Sophie and I distancing ourselves from her nan I can't remember what information it was but I remember it being around the time we found out the gender of Latoya her mother had found out and it was her dad who told Sophie she knew. This sit right with the both of us which resulted in Sophie calling her nan and questioning her. After having an argument over it Sophie blocked her nan from breaking her truth. A few days later I remember speaking to Sophie and I said to her I felt like it was falling apart. I spoke to her regularly about her siblings and I knew she missed them. But I personally couldn't be around them or mother anymore, I had enough. I would regularly say to Sophie if she wanted family back, she should have them but I couldn't be a part of her life. If you recall what was stated earlier in this statement I think it's obvious to see why. Sophie would ask if I was breaking up with her and I would say no. Did I know she missed her family? Yes it was obvious. Did she hate her mother? One percent yes but she knew and still knows to this day her mother is the link between herself and her siblings. Did I want to break up with her at this point? No, hell no that wouldn't even cross my mind. Trying finalise the logistics of how we would like to parent, having a plan financially
We spent a lot of time buying some of the essentials we would need for Latoya once she was born. I think we did a good job getting ready when you take into account all the unnecessary stress.
When discussing finances around this time Sophie was always adamant she was going back into work at some point. We knew it wouldn't be straight away which was fine. As far as income was concerned I still worked and after her maternity pay from the government she was going to go onto universal credit. For a short time with the goal of returning to work. I was working a lot of 7 hour shifts, I wanted to be home more around Sophie in the later stages of pregnancy as she didn't really have many people around her. Other than her family in Wales. I was also currently in a lawsuit with my former employer so I need time for that also. Finding new employment at Woodlands Quaker Home I was asked to do a shift at a care home on the Penn road by Karisa health care. I did a lot of work for them in their time of need due to the Covid 19 it left them in really bad shape. They wanted to come on board as permanent staff but doing so without paying the agency a lot of money was going to be tricky. While working there, they were very understanding of my situation, they Knew sophie was pregnant and what i had been through of the past few months and did their to accommodate and be flexible.
Contact with Morgan through Instagram to keep her mother updated
Sophie was beginning to have issues later in pregnancy as they said Latoya should be turned but she didn't, although to begin with we thought Sophie was in labour. Sophie had to go to hospital on 15th December 2020 to monitor her, they even spoke about the possibility of turning her manually. While in the hospital I messaged Morgan on instagram to keep her updated with what was happening with Sophie. Now there was never a problem with me and Morgan as we always got along but because of her Mother we stopped speaking when Sophie was Kicked out of the family. I messaged Morgan because I felt like they had a right to know. Latoya did turn, rather aggressively which led to Sophie projectile vomiting but afterwards she was ok. I made her family aware through Morgan. I think it was on the same day or the next day I can't remember nor confirm as my instagram account was hacked. I remember getting flashbacks to the months prior and not wanting to be dealing with her mother. I didn't want to have to go down the rabbit hole all over again, Roise is simply too toxic to be around and I could see why her daughter felt the way she felt. so I made a personal decision to block Morgan. My first exposure to PED
Around the middle of November in 2020 I made the decision to use PEDs after doing a lot of research regarding TRT (testosterone replacement therapy). I made my decision after I noticed I had a lot of symptoms of a male with low testosterone a few years prior. Prior to meeting Sophie I had attempted to speak with my doctor but I was very nervous and didn't know how to approach him regarding the topic and when I did, I was just told men your age have normal levels and that was the end of the conversation.
I decided to get my bloods done privately, when the results came back they showed signs of secondary hypogonadism. My prolactin level was through the roof, 812mU/L with the normal range being 86mU/L to 324mU/L. I had hyperprolactinemia, High prolactin affects Luteinizing hormone which can result in low testosterone. Which affected me in many ways, I had low energy, brain fog, Increased fat mass, poor sleep, irritability and my sexual function was even affected. I knew becoming a dad would require a lot more energy especially with work and I wanted to be optimal so that's what I did. Now you're probably asking why I didn't go to a doctor, I did. The issue was covid 19 happened and getting a appointment was impossible, prior to covid 19 getting an appointment was easy and i didn't have time to waste so i looked into fixing this issue myself so after doing some research i came to the conclusion that a dopamine agonist would help lower prolactin which is what I used. So when the doctor tested my levels it was normal again. I did tell the doctor I used a dopamine agonist but he was confused as to how I obtained it. Before we go again further, Sophie was aware of this the whole time. My logic, my reasons, my research and my blood panels. She took the blood samples for testing (many times in the future too) which was taught to me working at Arden grange and I taught it to her. This is important because she also understood the logic behind the low dose of testosterone enanthate I took as she was present when I did the research. I started using a low dose of testosterone enanthate (150mg) with a safe use protocol as I called it at the time. Low dose is relative to person, and safe use is what is what keeps my bloods normal and my blood pressure in range. Administration protocol was a micro dose daily, meaning my weekly dose split into 7 days injections for stable hormone levels which results in zero side effects for me. Sophie Told Cafcass if i went one day without taking an injection it would cause me to get very aggressive at the time of writing i've forgotten the exact quote. Unfortunately for Sophie, that's not how it works. Testosterone has what is known as an ester attached to it, creating a timed release effect. What this means is, even if I missed a dose my hormone levels wouldn't hit zero.
I’ll go one step further, why would a doctor prescribe infrequent injections of testosterone enanthate or cypionate for TRT if it has negative side effects? The reason for my frequent injections was to avoid bigger peaks and troughs in my hormone levels and as a result I wouldn't need to leverage an AI (anti oestrogen) as I normally have higher E2 levels.
Birth of Latoya
Latoya was born on 8th January 2021 at 6:00am, we had a little of a scare when Latoya was born as she did move or make a sound for about 10 seconds . I forgot the team they called but to give Latoya some assistance but as soon as they did she started crying. I think Sophie did great, she handled the birth of a child with such great strength. There were moments where she wasn't even sure if she could do it but she held on and displayed a great deal of strength and courage she truly has a lot to be proud of.
Getting adjusted and faced with the choice between working and not working, bond building and finally connecting with Toya.
We both got home fairly early, we both didn't like hospitals (especially Sophie) so we spent a lot of time campaigning to leave early which they eventually did. The first few nights were very rough, as Latoya took some time to settle in. It turned out she was a very hungry baby. We quickly switched to formula milk and this seemed to do the trick. I remember looking at Sophie and Looking at Latoya (I did this many many times) and I kept thinking to myself that Sophie equals our beautiful daughter. It felt like a mathematical equation. I couldn't seem to wrap my head around it. Round face, small nose, cute eyes, her mothers chin yep definitely took after Sophie looks wise but i wouldn't change that. I struggled a lot though, at first we both did there was a lot to get used to. I didn't get that time to bond with Latoya as much as I would like to. Latoya was born on the Friday and if I remember correctly it was back at work, I think on the 14th which meant I only had a few days after she was born but I would have liked to have spent a lot time with Sophie and Latoya. I found it hard to bond with her at first, some have said it was because we didn't have skin to skin contact I'm sure, but every time I held her she seemed like she wanted her mother more. Which hurt, because I tried everything and I mean everything. I felt like a man possessed. I spent more days at work doing research on how to get a closer bond with her but nothing was working. Sophie supported me through that time, she was there for me even when I would get really snappy about it and for that I was appreciative. The only concerns I had was Sophie adopting a certain style to her parenting with Latoya at first e.g. the way she would put her to sleep (like holding her or rocking her) which Latoya would like and we had many moments she would see me struggling but not give me support. This is something we would argue about in the future which results in understanding at times and would do a better Job in being consistent with relaying important information like that to me but as you see later our communication in regards to parenting would be completely non-existent. At the time I was working 6 days, 7 hour shifts, some morning shifts 7 am till 14:30 pm and some late shifts 14:30 till 21:30 (full shift is 14 hours). so I could go home and spend more time with her and Sophie. Remember when I said I had to go back to work? I know you are thinking, why didn't you take time off? I was off but I was transitioning from the agency to work for the Woodlands Quaker home full time and the best way for them to do it at the time was to have me work a certain amount of time until the transition period ended. The alternative was taking 6 weeks off which wouldn't have been feasible.
We still needed the Money, when I came home I did what I could to help and Still be there for Sophie and Latoya. I ramped up the bonding efforts also, I bathed her all I washed the bottles I washed up, well we did. It was a team effort although the majority of the nights bathed Toya, on some nights I would give her a bottle, only because rocking her to sleep was a hit or miss or I would be back from work late. Me and Sophie would even take it in turns to read to her.
Then suddenly we bonded, me and Toya had a bond and I can only put it down to two things, one my mother suggested I sleep on her blanket which seemed strange to me but I said i'll try it and it worked. Sophie's scent was on everything, nothing she did wrong her breasts would leak profusely as soon Toya would cry. so at some point everything had her scent. Secondly, I brought the gym home because I still believe in staying fit and healthy. I couldn't justify going to the gym for hours on end. I discussed this with Sophie which she was ok with, we justified spending a small amount of money on an exercise bike from facebook.
Latoya always liked indoor bikes. I think it was because of the noise it made, it would always make her happy, Sophie could be holding and as soon as Toya would hear the bike the bike would kick as if she was trying to pedal. I finally had the bond I wanted, it even changed the way we interacted with each other. Could even go to work. Sophie would message me mid shift and ask me if she could bring Toya to me on my break as she wouldn't stop crying and screaming. I did mind any chance I would get to be with Toya then better and i got to see her mom too it was a bonus.
My break time usually was around 18:30 pm, when Sophie would bring Toya to me. I remember everyone wanting to see her but not everyone could due to covid 19 protocols which were still in effect. Only Vicki (work colleague and later close friend) would see her. As soon as Toya would see me she would stop and she would be happy, as soon as they left and went home all hell would break loose. Sophie would always tell me this and my mother also (still lived at home we were in the process of moving). So Sophie decided to make it a regular routine.
Sophie started to resent the bond myself and Toya had
Sophie would complain if trained on the bike, she did this once she saw Toya enjoying it. I don't understand why because it did not weaken their bond or at least from what I could see it didn't. I didn't see what the problem was when you consider the fact Sophie too was concerned about how she looked and would often use the bike herself or go for long walks to burn calories because she didn't like the way she looked physically. I would reassure myself constantly, no seriously. I found her attractive when she was pregnant and even more after she gave birth she was perfect. So I seriously think she wasnt coping well with the time Toya wanted to spend with me.
This topic about the bike would cause arguments over the comments she would make to me which was unfair. This became a problem once Brie was and she had enough when Malaki was born.
Finding out Sophie was still in contact with her mother and the effect it had on us I found out Sophie was in contact with her mother after seeing an email. It didn't sit well with me. I started having flashbacks from the months prior. I thought the past few months were going to repeat itself again. I remember being confused because all she did was speak bad still about her mother regarding what she had done while i was with Sophie how her mother manipulates the kids (her siblings) and uses them against her father. She thought her mom was a nasty piece of work and she wanted nothing to do with Roise so you can imagine when i see something like this i started questioning everything regarding what's going on when Sophie didn't speak to her mother nor live anywhere near her which is something i'll explain later on i felt like i was being gaslighted by Sophie.
Whenever Sophie would speak to her mother I noticed she would treat me like crap for days later which I wasn't happy with and I'd question it alot. Sophie's response would be i love you but her actions would be the same as what she claims to feel. Something else I would like to add is Sophie mentioned in later statements ( to family support workers and non mol) that she was forbidden to speak to her mother and she feared if I found out I would do something to her. Well I have the screen shot, I knew she was talking to her mother so why didn't she break up and leave in a mutual way? Sophie's income and Financial plans Sophie was receiving universal credit around this time (i wasn't fully sure of the amount).
She told me she was going to apply for a child element but i had a lot of juggle on my plate at this time so i never paid much attention to the full details as i was working 6 days a week and was in the process of reworking my contract with the Woodlands for university (more on this later). Sophie told me she wanted the child element as it would be enough to take care of Latoya's expenses. I didn't really care about the extra cash as I was earning enough to cover Latoya.
She said that would leave herself with the universal credit, the child element for Latoya and then the money I was making could be for me and the excess could be spread across us.
As for Toyas expenses, the money did cover this with extra, we had a slight disagreement around certain clothing Items. You see Toya was growing fast and i mean fast, Sophie wanted to buy expense clothing that Toya would grow out very quickly so we spoke about this and changed our mind to get getting clothing at a cheaper price to which Sophie after a bit of back and forth agreed the places she recommended was facebook and Vinted. The clothing was basically brand new but far less than the price of what she wanted to buy it at. I was a bit sceptical as I remember the story of her mother using the benefits system in an incorrect manner and getting caught. For example the rent, her mother was living with Ashley and according to Sophie she was receiving benefits and when she got caught was made to pay £8,000 to £10,000 (this was explained to me when i used to sleep in the front room together). I'm getting ahead of myself again. I'll explain why this is important to us later on.
I would ask Sophie what her plans on returning back to work, and if we needed to I could just get my contract a work readjusted to compensate so we could rotate and take care of Latoya. The response I got from Sophie was she wasn't ready yet, which rang slight alarm bells but I believed her. I told myself I should at some point. You might wonder why I chose to take a lot on my plate in terms of commitment but looked at it as an opportunity to potentially make more money for the same level of work. I knew we both had a lot on our plate with Sophie going to uni in September but I looked at it like this: we signed up for this, we take care of this and do our best. Arguments of how the child element was going to be spent
Myself and Sophie started to have breakdowns in communication regarding finances.
She had periods where she wanted to buy new clothing. Nothing wrong with this but it was the cost that became an issue. Anything that was purchased I always ran by it here and we would work out expenses to make sure we could fit it in or at least get a cheaper suitable alternative. I forgot where where she was ordering from (I know its a clothing store) on one occasion but I remember us being on the short side due to bills and I said to her I thought we was going to speak about these things before we did anything, this created an issue because i had full trust we was keeping to the original plan. Starting University, Woodlands making adjustments, Sophie's showing signs of jealousy, Sophie becoming pregnant, Sophie's depression
University started in April 2021, myself and Sophie had made plans as to how time would be managed on a Monday. Mondays saw me have 3 classes starting from 9 to until about 13:30. The plan was I would have the room free (bedroom) while I took care of class. Lectures were held online the covid 19 rules prevented us from going to a physical building.
We discussed what happened in the event Latoya would start crying. This was discussed because like I explained before she didn't want her father to be far away. Sophie had it under control and if needed she would take her for a walk like she would. Sophi also had a alot of negative things to say about me doing my online lectures. I would also notice Sophie wouldn't do what we agreed on and as a result sometimes I would have to leave a lecture early because Sophie would struggle. I didn't help that Sophie was very, and i mean very depressed over not seeing her siblings and what had happened months prior. She was also depressed because what had happened also affected her father too as her mother would regularly use the kids to hurt him. Roise would do this because he didn't use the same approach with Sophie as she did. This continued for a while, I have messages between me and Sophie she spoke about how he was feeling.
It even got to the point where if Sophie's dad came down he too wasn't allowed in the house and he would have to meet Kian and Morgan at bentley bridge mcdonalds due to her mother being mad at him for not being mad at Sophie. I only realised how depressed she was when my mother pulled me aside and said Sophie was depressed. My mother would regularly find Sophie crying about missing her siblings and around this time it was really getting to her. My mother knew a lot because they would be in the house a lot and sSophie would confide in my mother.
I was able to get more time when the Woodlands reconstructed my contract to only 3 long days. This also consisted of a 2 hour lunch break as well as 2, 20 minute breaks so I could go home and see Latoya and Sophie which I really needed and appreciated. I didn't ask for this adjustment they suggested and it worked. It gave me more time at home while working at university and being with my family.
I got a phone call from Sophie on March 28th 2021, she was crying and in alot of pain I asked her what was wrong and she told me to get home quick. I got another call from my mother and she told me to get home quickly. Something wasn't right with Sophie. I spoke to management at work and they told me to go home fast. Sophie was in so much pain she could hardly move she tried going in the bath that didn't help. She was throwing up but it looked strange so I took her to the hospital. My mom couldn't settle Toya, Toya had been crying uncontrollably and seeing her mother in this condition and hearing her scream. After some time we got in the car and went to A&E but I had to wait outside with Sophie. After managing the pain, they took blood and after being seen too they told her she had gallstones. They asked her what her diet was like and she explained fatty and junk foods. They told her to stay away as this would make it worse. It seemed Sophie's dietary choices had caught up to her. If i'm correct a few days after we found out Sophie was pregnant with brie in about may if i remember correctly. Gallbladder attacks continued After being told by the doctor to watch what she eats, I had tried to explain to Sophie that now she is pregnant it would be wise to be careful. I told her it wouldn't be fair on Latoya, she didn't need to see her mother screaming in pain in the foetal position on the floor. I explained I couldn't leave work without notice too. Sophie agreed. I asked Sophie if i could help her make better food choices, and she told me it would be hard as her mother only really gave junk food to eat when she was younger and because of this, she really never grew to like the texture of any other foods, only the foods she eats now. So we went back and forth on the topic with rising tension as I explained this wouldn't be fair on Brie because they couldn't keep pumping her full of morphine to reduce the pain when she got like that. I offered to help when I tried to try to introduce her to more foods, something I had helped her with in the past, it wasn't easy but it worked. One example which comes to mind is watermelon. When she used to get morning sickness with latoya we would use it to get rid of morning sickness. It took many attempts but with perseverance she got through it. I also suggested it might be a mental block and I called a counsellor for people with eating disorders but after calling them Sohpie refused help.
I think it was a few shifts later my manager asked if Sophie was ok. I explained the situation and she said her husband had the same thing and I had to follow the doctor's advice and change his food choices as he too ate like Sophie. A few shifts later (21st April 2021) the same happened and I was called out of work and this time they weren't happy, it was another gallbladder attack. My mother called an ambulance and when they got there the situation was explained to them. They told Sophie she couldn't keep eating these foods; it wasn't good for her and the baby. The paramedic turned to me and I said I had to help her more to make better choices, the only problem is. I did but It was leading to a lot of arguments and I tried to help her with better food choices so what more could i really do? I called my friend Yesh who came down instantly, he took Toya to Sue’s house where she was looked after by her mom and sisters as they liked 2 minutes from us and I went up to the hospital with Sophie.
I knew Sophie was talking to her Mother despite our agreement but I felt like everytime i spoke to Sophie we lost our ability to communicate effectively. I feel this was also true in regards to Sophie's eating, I feel as though someone was influencing her to keep eating in a not so ideal way which led to Sophie having gallbladder attacks and scaring her daughter and putting her unborn child under a lot of stress.
Sophie's diet started to have a negative impact on Latoya's diet
When Latoya was born we had agreed to do the best we could to teach our children to smart food choices in life. We both agreed on this when latoya was ready to move to puree and then food this is what we did. Latoya loved her fruit and veg she loved her meals, Toyas diet was good but right after Sophie having multiple gallbladder attacks she started to eat the not so ideal foods but she would regularly off them Latoya which isn't so bad but when the diet isn't balanced for children as per the NHS guidelines i can become a problem in the short term or long term. In addition to that Sophie would also back more cakes high in sugar and in saturated fat and would regularly give these to Latoya which later would become a big problem. What am I basing this understanding of children and their dietary needs from? The NHS which is something I would read up a lot while Sophie was pregnant and even after she gave birth I would be at work and do my research and the research remains the same. A child under 6 months should not be consuming that amount of sugar. When I considered what Sophie would say about her mother allowing them to eat junk and yes I saw this a lot myself, I thought even Sophie would have more of the agreement we made and take it more seriously. This would cause a lot of arguments between us both which confused me because I thought we already went over this stuff a while ago. It would make more sense if Sophie said let's talk about a change plan for X,Y,Z reasons but she didn't like my opinion and input as the father if her child was irrelevant to her. A pattern we will see repeated later on. I believe in moderation not deprivation, heck i even eat chocolate and cake but in moderation. I think when dealing with young children it's the initiation exposure to certain foods and the frequency in which you continue to expose them to the foods which is important because if left unmonitored may become a problem when dealing with a child as young as Latoya was. The effect the bad diet had on Latoya and on my and Sophie's relationship The diet changes had a negative impact on Latoya's health, if she had crisp (usually walkers of cheese and onion, her mothers favourite) Latoya would become dehydrated when she did urinate her urine would often burn her and create damage to her skin. The result of this would be uncontrollable screaming to the point where Latoya would break out in a massive sweat and uncontrollable kicking and punching. Latoya would often find herself constipated when she ate too much chocolate, these were the hardest times to even be there. It was rough. We looked online for different ways to help her pass her stools but let's be honest we shouldn't have gotten there in the first place. Did me and Sophie have a lot of arguments, yes, more than fingers could count. The thing Sophie couldn't grasp was this never happened before but when Toyas diet changed so did her health and her normal condition. Sophie would tell me it was hard for her to make a change which I understood but she rarely made an effort and when i spoke about potentially going to the doctor and asking for her she refused that to even paid counselling out of my own pocket she didn't want it despite seeing what was happening to not only her own health but her daughters health to. Making a tough decision about university ,changing plans, planning to invest. I was forced to leave university because all students were allowed back to class under the condition they received the covid 19 vaccine. While working I had personally witnessed service users have adverse reactions as soon as they got the vaccine. I spoke to my doctor about it and asked if there was anything I should know and I was told he’ll be in touch. I remember on one of my shifts I got a phone call from my doctor. I went into one of the spare rooms while I was working. I was told to not have the vaccine as of yet as there are alot of adverse reactions (which was ultimately true when you consider nhs data).
I remember Sophie, Latoya and I spent a lot of time at west park (Toyas favourite spot). We did this to speak a lot about the plans. I told her an idea I had had for months regarding investing in crypto after some speaking about the topic she agreed. So that's what i did i sold a lot of my possessions to, i would add some of my wages each payday. If i haven't mentioned it before, i'll say it now. I think deciding to go with a better choice for my health by not getting vaccinated was a smart option. It hurt to have to stop university but I think I made the right choice. Sophie suggested we should go to Wales
I think it was the month of May and Sophie suggested to me that we should go to Wales around real soon. When I asked her when she would like to go she said sometime in the summer. Which sounded like a great idea, I would love to go to the beach (her dad lived down the road) Sophie knew very well I loved it there. I even told her once I would live there it's nice. There was only one problem, or more. she wanted me to go down with short notice. With all the shifts I had missed due to emergencies I was making up for a lot of missed time. And while my employer did understand my situation I still owed a lot of colleagues who stepped in to assist in my absence. The next issue was my car had developed a problem when i drove to Slough to get the exercise bike, the car was repaired at halfords but another issue came in the back of the repair which was caused by them and this took a while to identity something Sophie was aware but i just felt like she didn't fully understand. As the theme keeps recurring this too would cause arguments, I knew she was missing her family but I couldn't just up and leave my place of work. That wasn't possible and lets not forget she's pregnant again so i had my second child to prepare for, we had another child to prepare. Lets address something else, why ask why cant she go? Well there was another problem, Toyas relationship made this very difficult. Honestly I loved seeing Latoya everyday. Separating would be very difficult and I'm sure Sophie felt the same. Sophie Running away to Wales
On the 14th of June 2021 I went to my sisters (something i don't really do). myself and Sophie had been down there a week or two before. When I got their shock it was an understatement. I got a grasp that the so-called family we were trying to build was in a really bad way. My sister would tell Sophie had been to her house a few times apparently crying saying she wanted out of the relationship. She missed her family. She blamed me for her mother and siblings not being present. Sophie told my sister that i would keep the pram from her which is completely not true. We had a few, the key work is a few instances where lets say for example we came in from shopping i would take the car seat upstairs and Sophie would take a few bags. I would come down to collect the rest but as soon as i went back inside the thing i was thinking about was the pram. We had a few instances where I would be at and Sophie would message me and ask if I had the pram to which I asked my manager if I could check mid shift, only to find out it was still in the car. Sophie did ask to be mindful (once or twice)to take it but I would respond that you can too also take it because it wasn't just one person's responsibility. If I finished an early shift most of the time I just wanted to come home and see Sophie and Latoya. If we went to Sainsburys to get nappies and came back home and I forgot that because I honestly forgot. At that time I had a lot I was trying to juggle but there was no malice behind it. Sometimes we would watching tv and be speaking about the pram, and how it's still in the car and we would say F it we’ll do it tomorrow. Sometimes I would remember, sometimes I would forget it depended on how late we went to sleep that night and if I was in a rush before an early shift and let's not forget if Latoya was having an unsettled night. So i don't know why she would portray it to my sister and who else knows in that way as you will see by the messages. She said I control the money and it just kept going on and on and on. Yet again I found myself in a position where I was having to explain myself and prove what she was saying wasn't true to which my sister believed was true based on the fact Sophie would come down while I was crying to her. I think i got back at about 14:30 pm, i walked and found a note on the table which read im going away back in two weeks. Straight away I said she's not coming for weeks. Do you remember I said she told me about her mother running away while her dad was at work and how it affected her psychologically? After having a meltdown, when I meltdown that's a very watered down event of the story. Why did I have a meltdown, because Sophie just took my purpose in life away from as if I had no connection to her, almost like she wasn't even my child too (which isn't the first time she had said she wasn't) I tried to think of all the places she could be, I called Sue (my best friend) she consoled me and reassured me we would make this right she told me to give her a few minutes. I went home to assess what I could see to find out if she left any clues as to where she could have gone. I'll say this again, I wanted to see my daughter in the worst way and I was determined to do it. I considered the possibility she might have gone to her mothers, even with conflicting information and evidence regarding their relationship I knew she wouldn't be there. When Sophie has done something or felt like she's done something wrong she runs. Very similar to her mother so going there didn't seem possible. I knew she loved Wales and she always speaks of it. Especially when she spoke about her mother taking her away from her father so to me it made sense that's where she would be. The problem is I didn't know where he lived and his address was located in the astra i don't have. My friend Sue arranged a meeting in Birmingham with a lot of our friends to see what we could do to gain some sort of contact with Latoya. Which was risky if you consider what Roise said to Sophie in a text (my friends weren't Loyal). For all I know there might have been a Judas present waiting to tell Sophie my every thought process. Yes, I am saying this very sarcastically. We finally all agreed she's likely to be in Wales. Sophie had texted my mother at some point and confirmed she was indeed in Wales but I was not to come down there as her dad did not want me there. Which was strange for me as I always go along with her dad. Either way this wasn't going to stop me. I called the police and explained the situation to them. I said I was going down to see my daughter after knowing very well Sophie had no intention of letting me see her again. They told me to be careful in case she tried to say i was starting an altercation i said i wouldn't be doing that, so i told them to inform Wales police they would expect me shortly and they just ok. I called my manager and explained the situation before she stopped me mid sentence and said David go and see you daughter. My friend said he wanted to come with me on the trip, I said he didn't have to because work wouldn't give you the time off. He called work and told them he was sick and couldn't make it before we headed off to Wales on the way yesh book a hotel because we didn't know how long we were going to be there. We didn't know what Sophie had said to provoke a reaction from those around her. Going to Wales under these circumstances was the equivalent to going to the amazon rainforest, it felt like dropping myself into a meat grinder. I hope you haven't forgotten the car issue, you know one of the reasons why I said to Sophie it would have been tough to go down to Wales together in the first place. Well that issue was there in fact i drove in limp mode the whole time. Sometimes I wonder if she did that by design, thinking I wouldn't make it. I think she learned when my kids are involved anything is possible. I got to Port Talbot around 4:40 am on the 15th of July. The first place I went to was to the beach. The location I went to with Sophie when we went to Wales, made sense to me. I had forgotten where her dad lived at the time but I knew I was very good at retracing my steps even if a year had passed and I was correct. From there it didn't take long to find all the locations I had been to while I was in Wales 1 year prior. I messaged Sophie and told her I was in Wales and I wanted to speak to her but I got no response. It made sense it was at 5 in the morning after all. I tried to check into the hotel but it was too early so I waited for hours in the car. When it was between 7 am to 9:30 am I called repeatedly all I wanted to do was see our child. Sophie saw the messages, she wouldn't respond. Ignore the messages, tired texts, facetime everything. I remember the responses to me asking to see my daughter when I'm good and ready. I just couldn't understand why my daughter was being used as a pawn, It didn't make any sense. At one point she said she accepted the face time, for about 5 seconds showed my Latoya before putting the Phone down. Wales continued, Depression, going cold turkey with testosterone
I was depressed, had zero sleep, I've just driven to Wales, now we can check into the hotel and it was hot as hell. It wasn't fun, I remember saying to myself, I think I got her all wrong. I remember having conversations with Sophie about situations like this being the reason why I never wanted children prior to meeting her, only for her to do something like this to me. Looking back I think at this point our relationship died. I know I suppressed this feeling for a long time but It died. How could I trust someone who would do that? Especially when her mother did the same to her father and now she was using my daughter like a pawn to emotionally hurt me and why? What made it even worse was I went cold turkey with the testosterone. Which later on caused issues for me. Why did I go cold turkey? Well trust if it's not blatantly obvious went out the window and i knew if she was doing this she would try to use the fact that i was using it as a way to deny me access to Latoya. I remember it like it was yesterday before myself and Yesh left for Wales and I was packing a small bag on the way out, I threw it all in the bin with regret. Finally being able to see Latoya
I think it was around noon, I was still asking continuously to see my daughter only to be told you can wait a bit or Sophie would say I need to do this this and this. I remember thinking, is this a test to see if I love my daughter? Have I not passed the test? I could wrap my head around it. Yesh tried his best to support me but it was clear he was limited in what he could do. Sophie eventually agreed to meet me at the seafront. I got there and waited for about 20 minutes to half an hour. I think she dropped by her cousin krisy or at least that's what she said, although I had already seen her auntie Natasha close by watching from a far not long before Sophie turned so I assumed they arrived together.
When Sophie came near, I asked why she didn't bring the pram? She told me I had it. Yes that dam pram yet again was in the car the place we left it after going shopping. I told her it's still in the same place we left it. I called Yesh and asked her to bring the pram over which he did. When we put Latoya in the pram she started to say repeatedly what sounded like DAD. no one reacted at first because it sounded like a song she heard from Total DramaRama. I am still under the impression to this day my daughter thinks I'm Chef Hatchet, I really do. After saying it a few more times we realised she was saying Dad (while looking at me and giggling and smiling), not dada. Yesh said is she saying dad? I turned to Sophie asked her what she thought and all she could was ‘FUCK!’ I said Sophie, were you really going to take my daughter away? She gave me no answer. She just looked at Latoya with a shocked look on her face. I honestly knew Sophie made many mistakes. Sophie then told me she (Latoya) was saying that since she got to Wales she just thought it was from the cartoon show. I turned to Yesh and looked at him and he just looked at Sophie who was staring a hole through Latoya. I explained to Sophie I had spoken to the police about being there in case anyone tried to say I did anything, ‘’funny’’ hence why Yesh was present. Sophie told me she knew as they got in contact with her (I gave west midlands police her number). I told Sophie Toya needed her father. I told her what she did was wrong technically and technically there could be nothing stopping me turning around with her and going home but I didn't want to do that and it would be better if we all went home together as a family. I said now we’re here, we might as well make a trip out of it. Yesh got on the phone to make up more excuses as to why he couldn't attend work. Sophie agreed we would all leave together, I explained to her our time was very limited though because we (myself and Yesh) had booked a holiday. So that's what we did, we made a trip out of it albeit a very awkward trip/ holiday. I tried my best to forget what just happened. I can certainly say we were shell shocked. And just in case Sophie has anything negative to say about this. I would ask her to recall the time the police came up to us on the beach, if she felt like anything was wrong she could have told them. Overall I was reunited with Latoya, my purpose and I know she was happy to see me too. I tried my best to overlook what had happened, and they way her family in Wales was treating me while we were still there. I had my family back and that's all that mattered.
My bond with Latoya and Sophies reaction I've told you about the struggles I had with bonding with my daughter and finding a breakthrough. When I got back from Wales my daughter and I were joined at the hip. Wales was the catalyst that brought us together even closer so, words can't explain how amazing it was. I guess there was a positive that came from a bad situation. I know Sophie hated it, there would be times where Toya would be distant from her mother following the trip to Wales despite our best efforts to break that wall down. Sophie taking Toya to Wales did seem to weaken what they had. Wales aftermath, the decline of my mental health following the traumatic experience When I got back from Wales I tried not to talk about what had happened. I quickly realised I couldn't run away from what had happened and how I was affected mentally moving forward. I remember never wanting to go to work out of the fear Sophie would be gone with Latoya again when I got back. On many occasions I would cancel my shift out of fear. I would text my mother if I was gone to see if Sophie and Latoya were still there. Making sure latoya was still home when i got back became an obsession, it really did. Yet again I find myself in a state of hypervigilance, the first being any time I was around her family anyone mentioned them and how this. My anxiety was through the roof, and I constantly suffered from depression. What anyone reading this needs to understand is while I knew a lot of this was happening, taking a moment to truly think about it enough to come to the conclusion that help is needed is something which never crossed my mind. Heck I was more concerned with when this is going to happen again. Did Sophie know? Yes, I was always off with her and she would notice my depression. She would always say I would never take her away from you again. I would ask if she knew what it even felt like to have your child be snatched away from you like that. I asked then and many times in the future how she would feel, if I did the same to her, if I went to Jamaica and left her way knowing if she could contact her child and later on, children. To this day Sophie does not know how to respond to this question. I've asked her to think back to the time where her mom took her and how she felt (she already told me how she felt in the past). For the record, I have not been abroad. I only got a passport because myself and Sophie were meant to go to Benidorm for Morgan's 18th before all these issues started with the family. For me this was the only way I could get Sophie to understand what I was going through. Sophie being banned from going to my sisters Sophie got banned from going to my sisters because of the lies she had told before running away to Wales. When we got down there I popped inside to give my sister something she had asked for. When I went in, my sister asked where Sophie and Latoya were, she said in the car. I asked if she wanted to see them and my sister said no she didn't want Sophie in the house after what she did. I told my sister I wasn't going to leave in the car while she paraded with her daughter. So I left and although I would speak to my sister once in a while I didn't go down there for a while because I was trying to move on from what had happened. I tried to rebuild the best I could though mentally it was very difficult. Lawsuit ended, investing of the money, side hustles making a profit from crypto
The lawsuit between myself and Orchard house had ended in September 2021. The case was settled for a sum. 80% of the sum was invested into crypto, I had anticipated for months (by reading the markets) that there was going to be a nice surge towards the end of the year and I was correct. Myself and Sophie also had a lot of side hustles during this time for once it felt like we were back on the same page. Watching and having each other's back. We would actually sit down and discuss things again which seemed long ago dead to us. I spoke to Sophie and suggested we doubled down our efforts and invest. I knew months before the cause between myself and my last employer would end and would yield the result we wanted. I spoke about where I saw the market going. We could make a small profit which assisted us when we moved, which at the time we were actively looking to move but we both agreed it needed to be local. Sophie would make cakes and sell them, we both also brought a lot of used clothing online and would sell them at a much higher price. Which worked as people were basically giving away expensive clothing for pennies and when sold on vinted which Sophie would manage while i was work we made nice profits and this would be reinvested back into our assets. I also spent a lot of time forex trading too. Sophie selling her mixer and other items Sophie sold her mixer once Brie was born because she said she wouldn't have the time to make cakes. I questioned it alot but she said she would use her hand and a wooden mixing stick. The same was the cause for cause for her clothing, round the time I had out vinted side hustle Sophie was selling off her clothing left right and centre. I'm the opposite of what I kept and still do keep a lot of clothing as my weight is always changing, I would rather have a rotation of spare clothing. Sophie would sell her clothing and a lot of her heels and she had a lot of heels. When I questioned her she said she dont go out anymore, i said you might in the future but she didn't think so my mother said again she had depression and she might have been right this was Sophie's choice at the time. This is important because later (when we moved out) Sophie blames me for ‘’making’’ her sell off all of her stuff. This will explain in greater detail later. Looking for homes, on Wolverhampton homes, Agreement made between us regarding her mother. For a while myself and Sophie had tried to find our place Sophie wanted it to be through Wolverhampton homes because it would be cheaper. I didn't mind if it was private or Wolverhampton homes as the idea was both our names would be on the rent book and, eventually both of us would be in some form of employment. I have to admit Wolverhamopton homes from a price stand point made sense as it was cheaper. We tried to get an agreement on the area we would apply, automatically Sophie ruled Wednesfield off the table when she said she didn't want to be anywhere near her mother. She said she wanted her mother out of her life. So it was agreed anything close to where he mother lived was off the table. Sophie getting treatment for her bad hip
If you remember back to when Toya was struggling to turn when she eventually did she ended up giving Sophie really bad sciatica. Although Sophie said it felt Toya had broken her hip. I would have to agree with that statement, she seemed like she was always in constant pain and nothing helped from hot showers, to deep heat to paracetamol nothing worked. I guess while on the topic regarding her health this wouldn't be a bad time to speak about all the other health issues which she seemed to be increasing. We found out her teeth became brittle (Toya would play with Sophie and if she got hit her tooth would always break), she suffered constant migraines which we later found was due to her eyes becoming weaker. Let's not forget her gallbladder which she was managing a bit better but she would often tempt fate with her food choices and as a result, well i advise you read prior information regarding her gallbladder for the conclusion. It felt like we were going round in circles for ages, with her health and I tried to get through to her many times. I know it became just me nagging to what felt like daily. It felt like the same thing over and over on my end to explain why this needed to change the effect it was having on her, Brie (yet to be born) and Toya and myself to miss days at work or to take her to the dentist at the last minute. I thought maybe she would take her health a little more seriously if she was going to carry children but I am wrong and trusting people is clearly also my mistake.
Back to her sciatica, in the end I paid out of pocket for a chiropractor with agreement to be paid that money back by herself to which she agreed. We need to find one that worked with pregnant women which we eventually found. The treatment worked as Brie was way, way bigger than Toya was and Sophie felt it. It was annoying because they would give her exercises to do as part of the treatment which she would start doing, but then quickly not do it but i wasn't surprised when the pain would come back. Did this cause an argument also? Yes, as when Sophie would be in a lot of pain it would be almost, be on a level of one of her gallbladder attacks but the exercise was meant to help her but she didn't want to do it. Which triggered a lot of confusion in me.
No Vaccine or exemption, No work There was a rule being passed which unless you had a covid 19 vaccine or exemption you could not work. If Ii remember correctly this was in June or July. The woodlands had tried to get me to take the vaccine but given what I already knew about the vaccine, which was enough to know it basically didn't work (which is still true to this day) and has negative health consequences I chose not to. I already started looking for new work or side hustles which I explained earlier. I also became a delivery driver for a brief period, I was just going what I could when that rule was lifted. I knew if all else failed I had the money I accumulated in crypto to help. With the deadline approaching (to get the vaccine) I didn't really work as much for the Woodlands. During this time we prepared for Brie's arrival and spent a lot of time together as a family. We take Toya out to see the ducks over west park or to dudley zoo and a few times for nature walks. I would also like to state, Sophie also shares the same sentiment in regards to the covid 19 vaccine. Which is also why our kids didn't get vaccinated and it's also a similar sentiment to the covid vaccine is why she won't take the flu vaccine. I'm sure her records will prove this, who knows it might have changed. But yet again, jumping the gun here. I will explain this in more detail later. Engagement Let's get something cleared up before I speak on the topic. Like many things I've said in this statement before I met Sophie, I was anti marriage but like many things this had changed to.
During the no vaccine or exemption no work period, as strange as this sounds it felt we had a mini utopia. Everything was fine between Sophie and her father. I still don't know what was happening between Sophie and her mother to be honest. I don't care there couldn't have been a lot of involved Sophie was depressed as much which was usually the first indicator. Everything was good. I had planned appropriately for what I anticipated was going to happen. The only thing which was moving fast enough was getting out of our place. I still battled with many struggles I listed before, the same issues which came as a result from July and August. It never went away, I just tried every day to put it to the back of my mind but i didnt have alot to fear because I was home more. We were working as a team the best we could. I remember Sophie speaking to me about a promise I had made regarding marriage. We spoke for a while and we both agreed we thought we should have been married before having children. Like many things we had done we planned to do just that. I remember thinking this would be a smart way to ensure she wouldn't do what she did in July to me all over again. Changing the rent book to just Sophie and Latoya
I forgot the exact date Sophie suggested she take my name off the tenancy application. the plan if she says she was being thrown out the council would have no choice but to rehouse her. At the time I was still looking for private homes or flats, Sophie was telling me they wouldn't pay her half of the rent through universal credit if we went private. I wasn't sure when you considered what months prior as I said earlier it was still in my head. Something I thought about but heavily suppressed. I asked Sophie if our agreement still stood (regarding her mother) and she said yes. I still couldn't be anywhere near her mother, I couldn't stand the sight of her. I wanted nothing to do with her and as I told Sophie I wasn't prepared to move I knew her mom would be anywhere near me. So reassured me again before stating after we moved my name would be added onto the tenancy. Birth of brie, Adjusting to Brie, Brie’s health challenges Brie was born on a Sunday. I remember when Brie was born the first thing I said was that she was big like me (I was always on the larger side). The pregnancy went a lot smoother than with Latoya's. It felt like we were in and out of the hospital. Sophie went with a water birth which was the same approach she took with latoya until there was a last minute change of plan. There wasn't a whole lot to adjust to at first, Latoya was over the moon with her sister. Brie slept a lot unlike Latoya who cried a lot. We ran into a few issues in the first few weeks regarding Brie. It was no one's fault in particular, Brie had acid reflux. We would hear sounds we weren't happy with when she was sleeping laying on her back so we made adjustments to the angle of which she was sleeping at. At times she would throw up in the night (while sleeping) so the majority of the nights i would stay up and watch the baby monitor just to make sure she was ok. She also had issues due to constipation, but this was resolved with laxative by the doctor. Looking for Private Homes to rent, buying what we needed and storing it away Overall I think I had 6 months off work due to the no Covid vaccine no work rule. During this time we were awaiting for the council to get back to us. Sophie asked my mother to write her a letter to the council saying she was being made homeless but this did very little if I remember correctly to move things along faster. So I decided to start looking for private homes. Prior to this I started. I already started when we moved and a lot of these items were kept in storage. I did a lot of this before Brie was born and even more after she was born, this was done from the money that had accumulated from crypto and was stored on my ledger. Returning back to Woodlands late April 2022 Most of our days were spent doing things as a family and enjoying our time. I think it was late April 2022. We were at West park and I got a Phone call from the Woodlands explaining to me the law had been lifted on the covid vaccine for care workers. They asked me if I was able to work that night. For many reasons I couldn't but one of the main reasons why I couldn't was due to the fact my uniform couldn't fit me. My weight had shot up from 170 lbs when they last saw to 220 lbs. They agreed and said they would try and get a new uniform arranged.
I think I returned back to work about a week later. I agreed to the night shift which they offered. I didn't like the idea of it at first but when I considered the fact we had 2 children I considered all the time I might have available to me during the day when it comes to helping and more importantly spending more time with my beautiful ladies.
Redesigning our living routine and structure
I asked myself whether or not Sophie would be ok with our two girls when I returned back to work. The difference between the birth of Toya and Brie was that I was home when Brie was born and we were able to assist each other more. I asked Sophie if we should redesign our routine, and she said she didn't mind. While I was off work for many months we spent our time always living in a system we agreed on. So I asked Sophie if she had any suggestions and she said she couldn't think of anything. Historically when we did speak about anything I always ask for Sophie's opinion first and the majority of the time she wouldn't really have the ability to channel her ideas into words. This is something I never really had a problem with. We knew I was moving to night shifts full time when my new contract was ready at the Woodlands. Prior to this, since I had returned I had been receiving all of my shifts via our whats app chat.
The plan was when I got home in the morning I spent about an hour or 2 with everyone before getting some sleep, usually about 3 or 4 hours max (although on some days it would be longer for a reason which will be explained later) before waking up. Then, we would do a shop if Sophie wanted to go before she would do what needed to be done. Once we came home it would be about the girls (lots of bonding time, going to the park etc). Once we came home it would be dinner. Wind down time and bottles and then bed. If I was off work I would be up during the night watching the monitor in case the girls woke up. Arguments over sleep training
Personally I think it's important for my children to have some sort of established bedtime routine. Sophie said she understood this but this created problems. A major issue we couldn't seem to see eye to eye on was the manner in which the girls were put to bed. Sophie believed that children should only be rocked to sleep and while I do admit this is true and works to some degree. There came a point prior to me returning back to work, where the only way we could get Toya to sleep would be to rock her to sleep (and there was no other). But with Brie now being born and I having to return back to work this could get very complicated if we didn't have a plan. It was my opinion that we should have had a better plan. As the original was not sustainable, it consisted of rocking Toya would often fight back and scream until she went to sleep while rocking Brie in the bouncer. I Tried to establish one, when I was off work earlier that year. Although Sophie and I would agree on a routine She would often do the opposite as if we didn't agree or had a plan Which would create a lot of confusion (this would be for the same diet too). It was like 2 visions. The routine I suggested was to stagger the sleeping times slightly, I remember seeing it in a book I purchased which would see Toya go to sleep first then Brie after. The only issue was one was always to speak about it and get on the same page and the other seemed disinterested in working with the other. What caused it? I don't know. I would regularly ask her why it was so difficult for her and Sophie would tell me it's just something she wasn't used to as her mother didn't really have a routine for them growing up. My issue with that comment was that didnt mean we wouldn't have to learn new ways of doing things over time. I would ask Sophie what would you do If you were rocking Latoya to sleep and Brie was waking up crying? I said you would find it impossible to do so. I also said what if Brie was having trouble getting to sleep? What would be the solution? I had many more scenarios than this but these were the main ideas presented. Now someone will ask and rightfully so where are you in all this? Well work would start at 21:30 but they needed you there half an hour earlier some times earlier and there are less staff in the afternoon so i would leave early. My mother could help but the one thing we did agree on was that we shouldn't reply, her because she wasn't always going to be around when we move. This is why I believe getting to a point where Latoya didn't need to be rocked was important. The issue was this went for too long and it caused a major issue.
When I did return to work those issues I stated became a major problem and most nights Sophie wouldn't know what to do. My mother helped Sophie on the nights it became too much for Sophie. This would also come and issue later when we moved out, I feel because we didn't have a plan which we could agree on in regards to a child's development.
My closing words for this top is, I know someone reading this might think all children are different so sleep training where your child didn't need to be rocked and help all night wasn't needed. I would disagree with these individuals because when I was off work again in 2023 and a plan was implemented these issues disappeared completely. If we were more proactive sooner I feel Sophie would have had a smoother experience when I returned to work and it wouldn't have been such a shock to the system. Asking Sophie to be careful when exiting the car There was a 3 door, the idea was to get another car but we knew we had important things to attend to. Many times Sophie after securing Latoya into her car seat would do some sort of jump and twist motion to get out the car. Sophie doing this was the equivalent to seeing someone at school swing on their chair, you try to warn them that one day something bad might happen and they end up not taking it seriously or mocking you. Well this is exactly what she did and i guess more arguments were born on the back of this. I remember giving a 20 minute rant on this topic to her about what could go wrong exiting the car like, how it wouldn't be fair on their girls if they had to see it and I felt like i was just going on and on. It felt justified knowing what I knew about Sophie's health, it wasn't the best as I explained already. For me the dead giveaway was the strength of her teeth and her immune system which led to the hypothesis that her bones might be weak also. Sophie breaking her ankle
In the first week of May 2022 I think it was the 2nd, I finished work and came home (on the 3rd), as per the usual plan. I went to sleep but the plan was to wake up and take Toya and Brie to West Park as Toya wanted to go the day before so I promised to take her the next. I Sophie went to the shop before I woke and I asked if she could get me a monster. My energy levels were shot, 24/7 I had nothing in the tank. Work, home, poor sleep, waking up and then being a dad was taking its toll on me. Which was strange. I could handle this before but now I can't. Now while at the time i did pay attention to the symptoms, looking back what was happening was very obvious more on this later. Monster energy was best friend and Sophies to or a caffeine tablet. When I woke up we got the girls ready to go to West park. We brought them down to the car. I secured Brie, Sophie secured Toya, nothing out of the ordinary. I sat down to start the car and realised I desperately needed that monster, I felt like I only slept 1 hour. I went back inside to get it. On the way out I heard a loud scream like school kids messing around. A school was down the road so I didn't think too much of it but, the voice was so familiar?. Our neighbour ran right past screaming your WIFE, IT'S YOUR WIFE. I ran down stairs, opened the door and all I could see was. One of Sophie's feet still in the car and the other in the air.. Basically positioned at a right angle. Unfortunately what i had feared was true but at the time I honestly thought she slipped. Toya had seen it all (something I was afraid of) and screaming and crying it wasnt good. We got help from the neighbours. I tried to get some help watching the girls as their mother is disabled and couldn't do it. So i was left with no choice, so i gave Sophie some warning before i did it, i was going to call her mother and she screamed and im telling she screamed DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE, I DONT WANT THAT TWAT ANYWHERE NEAR MY GIRLS. So now I was left in a very tough spot. I called Yesh and explained what happened and he and Vicki (Now his partner) were on their way back from Telford. This guy must have broken some speeding limits or he simply wasn't in telford because he was their SOOOO quick, the thing is he was in telford. While we waited on the Ambulance, Sue the neighbour was keeping Sophie calm, as you could imagine she was in alot of pain and in shock. Our other neighbour Steph, asked if she could take Toya inside to play with her child while we waited for the ambulance. There was a lot of talk about why we couldn't call her mother but it was just too embarrassing to explain. I do remember clicking the call button but i didnt ring out i checked if i blocked the number which i thought i didn't but from what i saw on my phone it wasn't blocked. Yesh and Vicki turned up and took Brie and Toya to Vicks. I went into the hospital with Sophie. While I do understand this was an accident I really do feel this could have been avoided. I didn't like seeing her in pain like that. I know the girls didn't have to hear and/or see it. Wanting to go home While I was in the hospital I checked on the girls and they were doing great. I called to come and see Sophie as she was calling for me and they could find her vein to withdraw any blood. When I got to Sophie, they had given a lot of morphine. They started to give it when they attended the scene. She wanted to know how the girls were so I called Vicki and we gave an update. Vicki wanted more information regarding what the girls like to do, how much milk they drink ect ect. Vicki had already seen a lot of Toya from our time at work and meals we went on outside of and was very fond of her. While I was trying to explain the important information to Vicki so would regularly chime in, in the background regarding what needed to be done. I tried to get Sophie to focus on the care they were trying to give to her but she kept responding to them with I have to tell him because she doesn't know what he's doing with my children. Was I pissed? Extremely, there she goes again acting like I do nothing for our girls and I have no clue. I was pretty convinced that day she didn't want me to be anywhere near them or having anything to do with them. At this point I thought, "How much proof do I need?" Something i had to remind myself was she just had a lot of morphine but what i wouldn't know for certain is this is how she felt. It just felt awkward. Sophie doesn't like hospitals, I get the feeling I've said this already. She wanted to go home and it was really bad. The only issue is the doctor stated she needed surgery. I had told Sophie I needed to get back to take care of the girls but she would be in safe hands, which was the right thing to say but also wrong because this just made her panic even more. There is a reason she dont like hospitals going back to when she was younger. In this situation I was caught between a rock and a hard place. I suggested to Sophie that I could stay with Yesh and Vick could keep the girls a little longer, she screamed out NO I'M NOT HAVING THEM STAY WITH STRANGERS, THEY NEED THEIR MOM. While I wanted to argue back, she wasn't really saying anything here which wasn't true regardless of the morphine. Our girls had never stayed there before. They were too young to understand what was going on and my phone was dying and had a broken screen. Sophie made the decision to discharge herself on the grounds that she needed to get home to her kids. Now I know what you're thinking, David could you have gone back? Yes, I agree, in fact you would be 100% correct on your observation. I would strongly respond to you with this, you would have to have been there to see it for yourself because there was nothing i was going to do and i know she wouldn’t have listened. I would like to add to that by saying the doctor wasn't going to let her but with the state she was in (morphine induced in my opinion) she didn't really give him much of a choice under one condition she would return in one day (I think it was 2 I can't remember) to have surgery. I was mad, extremely mad with a straight face. I just started asking myself how did we get here again? How could this have been avoided? How could she think I could handle my own children? How.. well as i'll soon learn there was something that could have been learned from her comments little did i know. I'll touch on this in a moment.
Right now what was more important was getting her home without making this work and getting the girls fed. Turns out when I called yesh and Vicki the girls were already fed and taken care of. Yesh took care of Brie and managed to get her to sleep using the same approach Sophie used and Latoya, well. She wasn't having any of it. Yesh was driving my car because it was bigger at this moment and vicki went back to mine and Sophies with the girls Brie went to sleep just fine. My mother struggled with Toya because well, it wasn't her mother. The way in which Sophie would have to get her sleep would be like this. Toya would have her botte, Sophie would say night night. Then they would have a battle on this for about an hour where Toya would showcase her stupendous baby strength while her mom wrestled her. NO SERIOUSLY Toya was strong, not as strong as Brie as we would soon find out. Her strength gave me chills. Remember when I said I struggled to get Toya to sleep? On my days off work Brie was a lot easier to get to sleep (i'm not sure if i mentioned this already). If I worked, as I already explained I couldn't. Toya on the other hand was a lot more complicated, mainly due to the fact that as she was getting older, she became more aware. If I attempted to put her to sleep she would always think it was play time. I didn't get the same response as her mother (bedtime became a wrestling match). Instead I got a playful foot in the mouth, followed by Toya thinking she was an escape artist by working her way out of the cuddling position she's used to sleeping into a seated position and giving me a hug. Very sneaky.
Back to my struggle, I worked on trying to get Toya to sleep for some time but we would ultimately have to go the other direction and back to Sophie's method. It's almost like she saw her mother as a mother and Dad as an oversized teddy bear which moves and talks. Sophie's operation and annoyance with the bed time routine Sophie did get the surgery, I was annoyed because I felt like it could have been done sooner and I ended up missing more time off work in the process. I kept Sophie up to date during her stay there regarding the kids. It was hard because Toya really wanted her mom home, and every time I got off the phone I tried my best to explain to her mom would be back soon and she loved her. My issues came with the bedtime routine. Brie was very easy to settle and get to sleep (I staggered the sleeping times). With Toya it became difficult because I know deep down we missed many opportunities to properly get into a proper bedtime routine which worked. I was annoyed because many times in the past I had tried but I was met with a lot of resistance from Sophie. Sophie's recovery
Sophie's recovery was hard as we had very much support but it was mainly from my mother who tried to do the best she could. Sophie also did the best she could with limited mobility and so did I. I would say it got really tough when I had to go to work, but Sophie would have support from my mother. My father checking in on us My father had yet to meet Sophie, he was told by mother about her injury and while I was working he checked on me. It had been a while since I spoke to my father. When the topic of moving home came up he asked me if I was interested in living telford. I then went and spoke and asked Sophie if this is something she would consider (I have the message of me asking Sophie this as proof). Sophie's mothers depts, bailiffs and arguments Sophie's mothers debts had caught up to her. They knew where she was living. Sophie thought they wouldn't find her. I think it was for the PS4 Sophie had taken out in her name for her mother to give to Ashley. I had a big issue when they said they were sending the bailiffs to my mothers house. I told Sophie she needs to deal with it because I wasn't having bailiffs coming to my mothers place. Sophie told me she would sort it. I was 50/50 on this because I knew she was still talking to her mother. Sophie contacted her dad, and asked him to contact her mother but Roise told her dad if Sophie wants to speak to her she needs to message her herself. To this day, I'm assuming she didn't. Getting a viewing from wolverhampton homes
We finally got a viewing for a flat with Wolverhampton homes in. If you recall, we didn't want to move anywhere near her mother but we wanted to be in the area as Sophie had worked hard to establish herself here (doctors, dentist ect). We went for the viewing, when we got there I was asked by the tenancy offer if i would be living there too before i spoke Sophie quickly said no. Although she later told the council, the kid's father stays over on the weekend. She did this incase any questions were asked. I was ok with it because as per the plan at some point soon I was going on the tenancy also. In the meantime I would be making my rent contributions and all other expenses to Sophie. The initial rent deposit was going to be a struggle as we had used a lot of our resources during the 6 months I was off work. A lot of the remaining money I spent on buying supplies for a place to live many months before we had the viewing. My friend Sue gave us the initial rent deposit with the intention to pay her back in a few days, which I did when I had gotten paid. Finding out Sophie was pregnant with Malaki
When we found Sophie was pregnant with Malaki, we were both shocked even though we should have been as we were still having unprotected sex. Decorating and moving in We knew we had a lot of time to move in as we lived around the corner, both myself and Sophie wanted out of where we were living due to it becoming crowded. I spent a lot of time up there on my off days decorating, sometimes I would finish a night shift and go straight to work in the flat. Sophie Would was able to help me here and there as she was her walking boot at this point. We would do this when the kids went to bed, my mother would babysit and would work throughout the night. We tried to look for a removal van but the cost was far too high. Eventually I got annoyed with waiting and decided we were moving. While decorating I had already moved a lot of the items purchased and stored in the property the only thing left was what we were living with. I went to work that night, the decorating wasn't finished just as there were a lot of wall decorations to buy and a few more pieces of furniture but the idea was a lot of the remaining items could be brought with time. Creating our financial plan After we moved in we decided we wanted a better understanding of finances. Historically myself and Sophie didn't like the idea of being caught off guard by unexpected expenses and with another baby on the way, I know I can speak for myself here but I knew we were going to lose a lot of the freedom we had with spending so having a better plan was the ideal outcome. Myself and Sophie would often speak about being more prepared going forward and. I suggested we sit down and make a plan as to how we would spend the money each month kind of like a budget plan. Sophie wanted the girls to still have the child element payment to be used for the expenditures, which agreed because this worked out very well before. The rest of the money was combined together for living with a strong emphasis on savings and preparing for future events.
Sophie also put a strong emphasis on the child element and the benefit system. She said once Malaki was born we would have an additional amount to use for him. I never checked if this was true or not. I was constantly working nights, and when i came i was extremely tired, weak my joints would ache, brain fog and i was constantly dealing with depression. So it never crossed my mind to check. I just trusted what she was looking up online but always said to Sophie they would help for sure if was allowed to get it but at the end of the day at some point would have to return back to work. Which is something she didn't really like to hear, she would argue about, but i could tell when i said it it didn't sit right with her. First trial of the budgeting plan
The first month of the budgeting plan worked great, we ended up with a surplus of money and we also had money put away for future purchases. I think the ending amount at the time of writing without looking at the excel sheet was £300. Which is not bad considering prior or would have been zero or minus. Which was good because we still had Malaki to prepare for, We also had money spare for the girls to get new clothing, before i said they were growing way too fast to justify a lot of new clothing but now their growth slowed down and was more predictable it definitely made sense to do it this way. Overall it worked and we had a decent idea as to how much money we would have in the short time while also getting a lot of important stuff done. On the next pay, while arriving back from getting a pizza. We were talking about possible changes we could make to the budgeting plan. Sophie said she didn't want to do a budgeting plan anymore. As she felt as though it wasn't working so explained how well it went in the first month to Sophie replied this is something she's used to. It was strange because she had said she didn't want to be in a position where we would struggle and not have money available. She saw this did work but now she didn't want to continue? It didn't make any sense. So I agreed knowing it wasn't going to end well. Second attempt trying to make our money and finances work Sophie taking the lead
The second month went by without a budgeting plan. By the end of the month nothing was saved away. We actually struggled throughout the month because we were trying to juggle finances in real time. Which led to a lot of tension due to money being short. After Sophie had told me she didnt want to do a budgeting plan, she ended up wanting to do one. I think this was due to how badly we struggled. We had disagreements regarding money a lot during this time. Afterwards Sophie had to alot of say over the budgeting and the expenses. I wasn't too sure at first if this is something she really wanted to do but I think I was able to get through to her in regards to working together and making sure we stuck to the plan so I took a step back from taking the initiative because I wanted to see what we could do. While I was at work Sophie would attempt to lay out a plan on the white board so we could follow, she would message me and we would go back and forth until we came to the conclusion of our plan. The issue was, nothing was set in stone and as a result we still had the same issues as we had before, this time around the money set aside for Toya and Brie would not always be there when we needed it for their expenses. Sophie had made so many changes to Toyas diet (and Bries at a later date) so that Toya was eating like her. So when it came to food shopping Sophie would say, we eat the same so it dont really matter. We'll buy and eat the same thing. the issue was Toya was rejecting what Sophie was eating. This resulted in the money for Toyas food shop only becoming Sophie's food shop but it was paid for by Toyas money. Then when she (Toya and soon Brie) had very little money left Sophie would come to me and say she needs money for the girls. It took me a while to catch onto this, I would do in 2023. The majority of the time I was just giving her my card or sending her money over when she requested. Now paying for our girls isn't the issue, but we were still following Sophie's plan and she wanted the girls' money to remain separate (as stated earlier). At least this is what I was told but she was doing the opposite so I was getting very confused and frustrated. Sure you could say why didn't you have a better understanding of what was happening at home, you'll soon find out it was hard to do so. Physically I was falling apart and professionally I was dealing with a lot of issues for months which Sophie was aware of. Children rejecting their diet
When we first moved, we both agreed that we would try and keep the diet for the girls cleaner and not so heavily processed. I may have stated this before but Sophie didn't like cooking. She loved baking but cooking. She liked the idea of buying food from Iceland as it was easier to do in the other. Part of me could understand this as we did take a lot on our plates but my issue was we noticed Latoya over time would reject food if she ate it consistently. So we were pretty much from the second month we moved in until about late September to october. It started well for a few weeks as we would all eat the same thing to encourage Toya to eat. Brie was still on, baby food if I remember correctly and her diet was a bit more cleaner and balanced. The foods we were eating consisted of Sophie's favourite, potato alphabet, chips, turkey dinosaurs, cheese pizzas, ice cream and chocolates. Breakfast would consist of weetabix or porridge (until high sugar cereals were introduced) Other than the fact the food options lacked variety and nutritional balance I was afraid latoya would get bored and reject the food. Latoya would reject her food choices after a while which would result in Myself or Sophie having to give her chocolate or crisps which she had grown very used to at this point. Finally getting back on track following a heated argument.
I called Sophie at work in between personal care checks, and I explained to her I didn't like the way Toyas diet currently was. I asked Sophie if she wanted to see Toya constipated again. Toya had been constipated during this time period, lucky for us we still had Bries laxative from when she was first born and this would help. I explained to Sophie Toya only this way when she was eating the same foods she (Sophie) was. My last concern was the price of the food in Iceland. It was very expensive when you compare it to home cooked food. Following the conversation changes were made and it seemed as though we were back on track. It took the Toya a few weeks but she enjoyed the food, until she didn't (due to lack of variety) and Brie was starting to have more of our foods and she enjoyed it.
Sophie's mother manipulation
Sophie's Mother would regularly still try to cause a rift between me and Sophie but she would attempt it through Sophie's dad. When he didn't get the job done she would use the children against him. Kian would never dare treat his dad in a bad way but Roise would buy him things he wants and get him to turn on his dad. This is yet another reason why I stood by my decision not to have Roise in my life and as I always told Sophie if you want to be around your mother you can have her but I can't have her anywhere near me. I have messages proving Sophie's mother does this and it reinforces our decision to keep her out of children's lives. Issues at the Woodlands, dealing with depression I'm limited in what I can talk about my later time at Woodlands due to a NDA. I can say I was going through a lot. I had low energy. I was constantly depressed on some days. Getting out of bed would be like a chore even thinking was difficult. It would often have a knock on effect on our relationship as I knew Malaki was due soon we had no real savings, Sophie's plan with the finances isn't working. Even though I gave it a good go, I couldn't pay a lot of my bills and the bills for the flat which I was paying. I just didn't know what was happening to the money but I was never in the right state of mind to figure it out. I did my best to look into other work options which were also on my doorstep and weren't potentially care work. Speaking to Sophie about the plan once Malaki was born I tried to speak to Sophie again, regarding work once had recovered from pregnancy. She told me she would at some point. When the kids were grown up a bit more and in school. I don't understand why she was never ok with the both of us taking it in turns and rotating roles. I was starting to get the feeling she didn't want to return to work at all but with 3 children and i didnt believe we could rely on benefits forever. Seeing the doctors, talking about my anxiety and PTSD (when Sophie took my daughter away), work related issues and leaving the woodlands I made my decision to leave the Woodlands after my manager offered me a settlement and a leaving date of my choice. I accepted the amount and signed an NDA. While I was waiting for my time to expire, I would constantly think about how I was going to put the money to good use. I wanted to start another side hustle, which i actually started to prepare for but something thinking i didn't make anysense. I thought about all the times I had asked Sophie if she would return and not liking the answer. So I thought it might be a good idea to return back to college and learn a skill and take a different career option. I ultimately settled on welding.
Physically I was a mess bodyweight at 225 lb+ and mentally depressed and with all the disagreements I had with Sophie and not being on the same i was always afraid she would take our children and leave (depression never helped). I spoke to Sophie about going to the Gym after work and being home before or during breakfast (this happened when the agreement between myself and woodlands had been made). She agreed as she noticed my health was deteriorating even though breathing was difficult. I Started going but i still wasn't feeling myself. I went to the doctor to see what he would say about it, I explained everything that has happened since i was with Sophie and he told me I had depression (which at this point i already knew) he wanted me on antidepressants, i thought about it until he said what the side effects were but he said it was my choice. He prescribed it to me after I said yes but I was still unsure. I went home and spoke with Sophie about only what the doctor had said about the depression. She asked if I wanted the anti depressants and I said I didn't know. Second use of testosterone and asking Sophie's permission I tried to think back to a time where I last felt normal, I remembered before the Wales incident I had a lot of energy. Mental clarity had an easier time managing my weight. I felt good in every way. I spoke to Sophie about it. She too remembered it was post Wales and I started to fall apart physically. Then it hit me, I threw all the testosterone in the bin! I went cold turkey!. Sophie said there was no point throwing it in the bin as she wouldn't have said anything so I told her she took my daughter even though she said she wouldn't so why wouldn't I trust her when it comes to Testosterone and she said nothing. I asked her if it would feel weird if I gave it to another shop because there's a possibility I was hypogonadal she said sure and she didn't see why I was asking if it made me feel better to go for it.
So I did on January 29th. This time it was Sustanon 250 (a mixture of 4 different timed esters). My dose was at 125mg. Something i haven't mentioned yet is i was a mess i hardly had the energy to do anything not even play with my kids in the manner they like to play on some days on was bed bound. Less than an hour after taking my injection it was like someone turned on the light bulb again i guess that was the fast acting ester doing it things. After about 5 hours, I felt like a human. I could play with children. I had tons of energy, no brain fog I could function. Both me and Sophie agreed I had hypogonadism. Which made me annoyed with myself for months on end. When we came back from Wales all those months ago I wasn't thinking about anything else, I was thinking when she was going to do it again.
Since then my goes has been lowered (progressively) down to 60mg
Issues with the girls clothing Sophie said she wanted to be the one to manage the girls' clothing and I could be the one to manage Malakai’ clothing, which I agreed to. For months I spent a lot of time preparing for him getting the essentials together while also dealing with my issues (discussed above) the best I could. The one thing I didn't fully sit down long enough to think about was the girls inventory of clothing. Well i didn't but if we’re asking did you, physically go check the answers no as Sophie said she wanted that to be her thing. I just waited for the shopping list so i could buy it. Why? The time wasn't always there so it was easier if I ran out and got what was needed. Once I felt better, I remember coming home after dealing with college (evening class) enrollment. Brie's PJs were solid. I asked Sophie where the clothes were and where they washed. She told me they only had 5 PJs left and Toya was wearing one and Brie was wearing the other. The rest were dirty. I couldn't believe it. I asked Sophie how this happened and where the money was for the clothing but I didn't get much response. So I put the clothes and other PJs in the wash. I was pretty mad, I thought things were normal. When I say normal we were familying apart slowly for a while and there were a lot of things we never recovered from but unbeknownst to me on a larger scale it was far worse than i could imagine. But now my brain was functioning and I wasn't working in that environment I started to ask myself the question: what other item of clothing did they have left and at what quantity? Sophie and I agreed it might be wise to keep an excel sheet on their clothing so we knew how many they had at times. Which made sense because when we first made the budgeting plan we agreed that £80 (which i think was the minimum total) would be spent on their clothing each month. We didn't want to spend money on excess clothing, but we didn't have much of anything and it wasn't just PJs. So having this inventory list which doesn't require a lot of maintenance was perfect and takes a lot of the guesswork out of knowing what we had available. Sophie said she wanted to go through clothing and she would create the initial sheet and share it with me through google drive which she did. We were planning on getting the girls more clothing because even though they had clothing on the sheet some didn't fit right and brie was getting a lot larger than Latoya. So they need clothing ASAP. We managed to get the girls to bed very early in the night around half 9 on the 9th of february. I said to Sophie it would be wise if we quickly went through the girl’s clothing so we could make a Shopping list and she was very against it, I didn't understand why. It turned out the excel wasn't done, so asked her why she said the list was done when it wasn't? Just a quick reminder Sophie to be in charge of the girls' clothing.
Getting the shopping list done now was important because Malaki was due next week. If I remember correctly he was due on the 12th, if there was one thing I learned historically it was this. Be more prepared before the arrival of your child. Sure it may seem like common to anyone but for 2, still very new parents getting this right was perfected yet. I said to Sophie we’re going to have to go through the clothing again really quickly and make a shopping list so the next day I could go uptown and get what we needed. Sophie was heavily pregnant and it was just faster doing it this way versus everyone going up town. furthermore while Toya loved going up town Brie didn't like going anywhere she wanted to watch Pocoyo and lay in the chair.
I asked Sophie to send the girls money over to me on that night when it came into the account so i could get it done. Sophie's Phone was broken for like the second time at this point so messaging her would have been impossible if i needed more of their funds to get the job done. Sophie did like this one bit and it set her off into a mood and I just don't understand why. It was never an issue money was sent to her account to make purchases so why was this an issue? I could have gotten all the girls essentials the next day. Insteading of the it taking us between 45 mins to an hour to complete the list it took us multiple hours to complete the excel sheet and the shopping list (for the clothing this did not include all their food and essentials). Sophie didn't want to communicate or do it. My role was to form the list and take note and redesign the excel sheet Sophie's role was to count the clothing and relay the numbers.
I can hear you, why wasn't this done in the day? There was no time we had 2 young girls who needed mentally stimulating, house work. If I needed to pop out and assist my mother with something I would (Sophie would help with that too) while preparing for college and much more. The only time we had was when the girls went to bed.
This broke down very fast! And it turned into an argument at 3 in the morning. It was due to Sophie not wanting to do it, I was explained to her we wouldnt of had time to do this at a later date. I personally didn't want to know if we could or couldn't once Malaki had gotten there plus the girls also needed essentials the next day. Birth of Malaki
After coming to an understanding and getting everything done. We went to sleep at around half 5 or maybe just before that, I could hear Sophie crying. I turned over to her if she was feeling ok. She told me she thinks it's her gallbladder again, but she is going to take a bath and see if that helps. Well it didn't, i was still very tired and i could hear her crying so i went to the bathroom and asked if she thought it was Malaki, she said no she would be alright. I went into the room after the conversation, I wasn't asleep but I closed my eyes and 5 minutes later she shouted David Malakis coming. I quickly drove a few seconds down the road to pick my mother up to watch the girls, while Sophie went to the hospital. In a very similar way to when Brie was born Malaki wasn't waiting. What made it worse was our bags weren't prepared either. Neither did I get the time to get the girls shopping done. My mother told me to call an ambulance and Sophie didn't think she was going to make it either. I kept asking the lady from emergency services what I needed to deliver my son, but she said you'll be fine and the paramedics were in their way. Which was silly because she could hear Sophie's updates saying he was coming. To cut this short Malaki was born on the floor, no fault of anyones. It happened when the lady asked if I could see her head. When I checked he shot past my face like a lightning bolt… I looked up and I noticed his umbilical cord was broken and still attached to Sophie. I locked it down and it was.. It wasn't a good sight. I thought he was gone. It was like the scars we had with Toya all over again. I can still hear the sound of the thud he made on the floor just. Both me and Sophie both looked at each other before looking at him Sophie quickly grabbed him and was screaming im so sorry. The paramedics turned up and told me to wait outside, this was only because I looked like I had seen a ghost. Sophie was Shaken up. I was shaken up, both of us covered in blood, it looked like a horror movie. The room was a complete mess, there was blood everywhere. Toya and Brie were in the front room with their nan the whole time. The paramedics took Sophie and Malaki to the hospital to be checked over. I waited back at the flat for a few minutes to secure the room so the girls wouldn't go in there. I ordered a small amount of essentials to be delivered via uber for the girls until we got ourselves sorted out. I got to the hospital and checked on Sophie. She was doing fine, just shaken up. Malakia, despite his fall, was doing great, surprisingly. To me he looked like we just produced a Latoya 2.0. He took to me very quickly and I could have held him all day. If I remember correctly I messaged Sophie's Dad. We spent some more time in the hospital (not a long time, explained earlier) then went home. Returning home, getting settled in.
When we got home the girls were happy to see us, Toya was obsessed with Malaki, Brie on the other hand wasn't ready to bond. We didn't have food in the flat so I told Sophie it might be best if she ordered maccies for the girls every now and then. I went to my mothers and brought back the carpet cleaner. The room was an absolute mess, blood on the chair, bed, pc table.. You get the idea. This took a few hours to clear and get the smell out the room. The following I went to the gym while everyone was asleep, and the shopping afterwards like we had originally planned. Going college, Sophie having an issue with it My College day were a Wednesday 17:00 pm which would usually be around the time They girls would have dinner. When I would leave Sophie would have an issue due to the girls being very difficult to handle. Brie and Toya would not eat their food and would scream and cry. This would happen a lot if I left flat to handle something important in the day and as soon as i got back this would stop. Sophie quickly noticed this and she would say this happens every time you leave and on many occasions set off. If I went to college, this would be even worse but I only knew this when I got back. What I mean by set off, if the girls were still making noise she regularly shouted at them or acted differently towards them. Our workload drastically increased, still adjusting
As you would expect our workload drastically increased, far more than we anticipated.
The normal routine needed to be heavily adjusted. Although it was a good start it needed to be tweaked. Cleaning became harder to do as the girls needed mental stimulation instead of just being stuck in front of the TV. We tried to keep a bond with the girls as much as we could. Malaki was in between breast milk and formula milk. I would regularly play with the girls as they always liked to play. Nap time was very simple, Brie would come and find you at 11 am. It's like she had an internal clock or she would bring you to the cupboard so you could make her milk. This would leave time to do any clearing or cook food while they were sleeping. This did not always happen as Sophie would argue against or she would say she didn't know what to cook or what they liked.
One of the issues we had was during this time if I cooked something the girls would always eat it. If Sophie cooked something they wouldn't always eat it. We agreed to get back to tracking what the girls were eating to see a pattern in what they liked or didn't like (something we had done with success in 2022). I offered to buy Sophie cook books but she didn't want it. I offered to show her how certain meals I ate were made. I ate a lot of chicken and rice, chicken and potato minced beef with carb source. They liked it. I think it was the way I presented it to them, I would cook it for myself and wait for them to come to me before trying it then we would serve it to them. Overall adjusting was hard but I felt like it was even harder because Sophie was shutting down. Communicating was difficult, if i took the initiative it would always get a lot of negative reaction from her and. I think this leads to a lot of the arguments. Sophie finds she wasnt getting a child element for Malaki, disagreement out returning to work Sophie would frantically check if she was getting any child element for Malaki in March. She checked online and realised she would be getting additional money. At this point Sophie wouldn't sit down and discuss finances so we could be more prepared and not run of money so consistently but she always ensured she paid attention to her universal credit.
I told her it didn't matter, because I had Malaki covered and I didnt think we needed the child element to raise our children. I also explained to Sophie at some point she would be returning to work anyway so it wouldn't be too much of an issue. Sophie would get angry and tell me she wasn't ready to go back yet, which was silly because at some point really soon we would have too and I was going to return after the course was finished. Arguments over the money
The bills continued to mount and the girl's money was never available, the virgin bill was in arrears when it never used to be, we lacked the ability to buy home essentials, now I was behind on the car payments and insurance, the electric bill was sky high, council tax and more. It was getting pretty ridiculous. We lost the ability to talk to each other. I would try to talk to Sophie but it never ended well. Sophie would come to me to use my card but if we were following the basic plan one which she laid out we wouldn't have had an issue the only difference was Malaki who i was paying all his expenses. For every time I had given Sophie my card or purchased her something in the past 2 years I always said I would need it back which she said she didn't have an issue with. This is something which hasn't changed with me for years and Sophie would agree to doing so but we never sat down and worked out the numbers which we would do soon. I only had a certain amount of money to work with since my settlement which was supposed to see me through until I got back into work where the idea was I would be making enough to cover both mine and Sophie's expenses because she wasn't ready to work yet. Sophie knew this but I was still in a position where I paid for more than my fair share in the flat. Contraception and the Implant After Malaki was born we started sleeping with each other again. I thought about the struggles we were having with basic communication about work and how that would work. So I would regularly opt for the morning after pill. Sophie didn't like the idea of condoms and so did I. I didn't like the idea of the pill as that was very easy to forget, I didn't want to take the risk that I knew a house wasn't in order. Many times we found ourselves going for the morning after pill to the point where we racked up a huge bill between £70 and £90 pounds which we would go halves on. The doctor soon after out Sophie on the pill, she was never happy about this and she said she feared an increase in weight gain, i said to her why would that be a problem? If you were to get pregnant again you would gain weight so i wasn't buying the excuse. So my rationale was that if she got the implant in her arm, we wouldn't have to worry about the timing of the pill and so it wouldn't be an issue. Sophie had her reasons against the implant one was weight again and another was mood swings (which she was correct on), did we have a choice? I don't really think so because she said no to the injection and the coil. Sophie always had a story of someone she knew who had one of these where it apparently went wrong. This would always turn into a disagreement but I was still heavily in favour of the implant. Sophie’s change post implant I remember the day leading up to getting the implant was rough because she just didn't want to. Sophie would completely be against it and I was getting sick of her lack of ability to look at what was currently happening in front of us. We were losing control of our home, Quickly and we aren't mature enough to get on the same page either. Going down to the implant was even worse, as her mood could best be described as rotten the whole morning. It couldn't be the money (from the government) as she knew she wasn't getting more of that but I truly felt this had a lot to do with returning to work, im saying this based on how she would react every time i tried to touch on the topic or at least a plan. If the plan didn't have a condition which she approved of or felt comfortable with, this would be the reaction I would get. When we got to the clinic she got out of the car and slammed the door following an argument. When she arrived back after getting the implant she said nothing to me on the way back and was in a really bad mood. One thing she was right about was how the pill did change her, it was never good. I've always told her this but in the morning, the first thing I would look to do is avoid her like the plague. It's no secret she's not a morning and it would take her a few hours to grab her bearings but after she had the implant it alot worse. She would always be angry towards the girls, Sophie was impossible to talk to or most mornings she would go back to sleep in the chair. Which isn't an issue but we had moments where the flat would be hot and sometimes she would open the front room window and leave it open if she fell asleep. The issue was The girls were frequently trying to climb the sofa and i could see bad things happening, the major issue here being home safety. Where was I? Nothing had changed in my patterns. I would be away throughout the night to watch the girls and I would watch Malaki at first but if she cried or woke up Sophie would quickly wake up also. (i'll explain this now in case i forget later) at some point following an argument where Sophie claimed i did nothing, i explained to her i'm awake most of the night watching the girls as they would sometimes need a bottle or one of them would wake up. So I said to Sophie let's make it more even and in the night I would watch the girls and she would watch Malaki. Courts, Bailiffs, threats of leaving Sophie got a letter to pay the money back her mother owed, I forgot the sum. There were costs involved if i remember as well as threats of bailiffs. I asked Sophie what was going to do, she said she didn't know as she didnt know they would know where she lives. I was pretty mad about it because I had invested a lot into our current living situation and if bailiffs were to come it would mean losing a lot, and for what? Sophie kept saying she would fix it but, I knew by the way she responded she had no intention of it and I knew if this was the case her mother was back in the picture and i wasn't going to deal with her again. I explained to Sophie if this continued and her mother affected our relationship in a negative manner I would be forced to leave. She told me not to and that she would deal with it. She filled out a form to return to the court. Explain where her mother lived and how much she owed her and the fact her mother wouldn't pay her back. Potty training not being implemented Both of us trying to juggle our 3 children became difficult to the point where Latoya potty training would get neglected. We would always find ourselves in a position where Toya was always short on nappies. We had attempted to pottery train Toya before but it was very inconsistent. I brought Toya a potty with an attempt to do this which worked. We even tracked how many nappies we were using the idea we could trainstion her to use the potty. Latoya wasn't always a fan of the potty so we decided to use the potty toilet seat which she really enjoyed using. When Toya says dad I need the potty I would take her but when she would ask Sophie, the majority of the time she would be met with an aggressive response. Sophie Threw her phone at me in an argument in march, Latoya playing mediator
While in a dispute, I think it was mostly about finances or the lack of management Sophie threw her Phone at me and it missed. She broke phone in the process which resulted in Sophie using my phone and ipad for facebook, text and calls and other online essentials. Sophie would also regularly scream and tell me it was flat, to which i would scream back i brought the items in the flat. Leaving was never the issue, what was an issue was I had invested in the items in my flat for the kids. I got the feeling after a while Sophie never wanted me there, but I wasn't prepared to leave myself with nothing and have to start over especially when if I brought up the topic of work she would say she wasn't ready or would be against it completely. Toya would often come to the centre of these arguments, Brie had got far away from the problem (which was us) and would retreat to her bedroom. Eventually I noticed this and I put a TV in her bedroom which Sophie didn't approve of, she said when she was younger she didn't have a TV in her room. Toya would come to me and say daddy i want to go park (this would be while arguing or after). Sophie would shout at her and your no your not going to the park, I would then often respond with yes she can actually. Myself and Sophie would go back and forth on this for like an hour where she would tell me you're not taking my kids anywhere. I would respond with our kids and I was, and I would do one better she can come along to because we could all do with some cooling off. Sophie would say no but Toya was very persistent, and eventually she would come along when we got to the park Sophie would take Brie the swing and just stay there, Brie wanted to wonder but she wasn't having it, i would be with Toya running round the park or playing on the side. As for Malaki he would be either with me or Sophie but this would depend on the day. Isolating herself with Malaki After many of the arguments we had If Toya wanted to play in the room I would go with her to the bedroom. When we got there Toya would say, "Where are Kai Kai"? So I would ask Sophie multiple times to come into the room. She would either be in the bedroom or the front room. She wouldn't respond, all while Toya was still asking me for her brother. I would have to tell Sophie you can't separate her from her brother but i would get a response after doing this for a while Sophie would respond with " for fuck sake, fine!" before coming into the room and slamming herself down on the floor. This has happened Many, and I mean many times since he was born. My mother having a fall My mother has rheumatoid arthritis and osteoporosis. Around march time she had a fall but she called for an ambulance from her apple watch. What annoyed me was she didn't inform me due to how busy I was at this but she told Sophie and Sophie did tell me until a later date which to this day puzzles me. So after I had learned of this news I spent more time trying to help my mother out during the day such as taking out bins, doing her shopping or medication pickups etc. Sophie said on her statement for either Cafcass or her non mol statement i would walk out and leave her with the kids. This is not true. This is something we agreed on. I knew my mother couldn't watch them if I was doing some work around the house. Sophie did not have an issue with this. What Sophie is also forgetting is she herself used to do the medication run or the odd shopping if i was at work. Sophie reverting back to oven cooked food Toya and Brie rejecting it Sophie reverted back to frozen oven cooked food which I didn't like, I warned of the possibility the girls would reject it and they did, on many occasions I just ever had the energy to argue I would leave it. But then when I saw the girls weren't eating I had to say something. Disagreements over sleeping routine The sleeping routine was shocking, the method from before wasnt working and i truly felt it needed an upgrade. Once I was off work, I took the time to absorb as much information as I could. Once this information was acquired, I brought up an old topic with Sophie regarding sleep training. We used books, websites, anything we could to find a way to make adjustments. I don't think Sophie liked the change but she knew it wasn't working. My “sales’’ pitch was if i was working long hours right now, do you think you could rock all three of them to bed? She said no. So the new approach looked like this: Sophie would rock Brie to sleep, I would take care of Malaki and Toya would wind down and fall asleep on the sofa then we would take her to her room. One Thing i would like to add is, it was around this time I was able to get Toya to sleep without issue. The trick was I would give her a cuddle while watching and I would speak to her, when I realised I got no reply back then I would look over, only to find out she was out cold. It felt like a long time coming, but I knew this was not sustainable when I had to return to work soon. I stood to reason we needed another approach fast.
After the kids were in bed I would tell Sophie this, but she wasn't filled with my idea. I got the impression she didn't want to lose the routine she was used to being able to be close to them before bed and i get it really. When I finally got Toya figured out it was too late I didn't want to stop, but with 3, under 3 all needing different levels of attention at each age and stage of their development. She would tell me yes but when it came time to implement a formula, she would sabotage any efforts and do the opposite. Which would cause disagreements when they after the kids went to sleep. Sophie would always tell me if I felt like I could do it better do it myself. I would tell myself, the challenge was accepted for next few days I worked out a new blueprint.
Recognizing Bries development was slower Tried to make a plan to get her develop
Telling Sophie and implementing the plan
Using certain Tv shows to help encourage to say certain words while helping her while she did it Sophie not allowing her to be independent with a fork and spoon, Sophie said she would use it but when i tried she did. Brie development picked up which would result in making snarky comments about it, then telling me if I think I could do it all myself then. So I said fine. Telling me to stay away from her kids Which would result in me having to keep away to cause an argument. I would usually be in the room but the girls would follow which never made Sophie happy. They would follow me and although she would shout at them to go in the front room they wouldn't. They would want to play with me which would prompt me to tell Sophie let's take them in the room and play with them. Which she would resist but once Toya kept pushing for it she would result in all of us in the room playing with the kids while awkwardly being around each other. Most of the time I would try to be normal with Sophie but the majority of the time she wouldn't be normal back around the kids which would lead into more arguments when I got tired of how she was being. Disagreement over TV in the room
Do you remember when I said Brie would often retreat to her room? Do you also remember when I said Sophie Challenged me to do better with the night time routine?
While I was down with my mothers i told her what had happened, I told her my plan on a few changes I wanted to make. She told me she was in the process of getting a new TV and she would think about selling us the TV she currently had. I told her I would talk to Sophie about it.
When we next came down to our mothers she had indeed brought a new TV. I asked her if could buy the one she had and she said yes all she wanted was £15 for it. My bank account was in arrears due to needing the cash for the flat due to the reasons i explained before. So I asked Sohpie if she would front the money and I would send it to her once my account went back to normal. Sophie did this and spent that money through my card. When we got home I told Sophie I planned to put the TV in the kids room, We had a disagreement over putting it in their room and told her to trust me. The issue was the TV couldn't go on the wall because the walls were like a plasterboard so it wouldn't be the next alternative I had was to give the kids my smaller 19 inch monitor and I brought another which I did.
I implemented a new bed time routine which Sophie objected against Sometime in early april, without warning when i came back from my mothers i came home and started taking the rails off Toyas bed. The plan went something like this, i wanted to establish that routine and fast, i knew with the right approach it would work. The girls would have dinner then, then in their bath we would all be in the room and watch their favourite programs, something educational like little miss Rachal on youtube or Pocoyo. Most nights i would pull up cooking games, letter games or something to aid in Toyas speech on the tablet which she enjoyed or play with toys Then at some point we would do their bottles while drinking it on their respective bed and they would drink it on Toyas bed. I would let Toya know its bed time by helping her to assist me with turning on their lamps. We would watch more TV before I would say bed time. One of us would sit in the room with them for about 5 or 10 minutes to help them get settled, then we would leave and watch the baby monitor in the other room until they fell asleep. Surprisingly enough it worked the first time. Sophie seemed confused and mad it worked, and i just looked at her and asked her why didn't you think it would work? To which she had no reply. This seemed more sustainable in the long term, mainly because we didn't have to grow extra arms to rock everyone to sleep at once.
Disagreements over payments for Toyas learning games for the tablet, Brie wanted to play the same learning games Toya did. With the new sleeping routine in place, Toya was starting to learn a lot from the games on the tablet even Brie gave it a try and liked it. I spoke to Sophie about potentially getting Brie a tablet. Sophie did like this and said we could afford this. I said to Sophie we could as she said the child element was for them. So she told me we had bills like the water bill to pay and the council tax but I told her it didn't matter as this was our responsibility and not the kids responsibility to pay for our bills and if we couldn't afford it that was on us and we needed to increase our money. The next issue we had was Sophie was against Latoya wanting the premium version of the games. Toya would call out attention to the screen and say look, look. She was showing us there were more games she couldn't play. I would tell Sophie it would be a good idea if she could have them as they were helping but we could use the child element to pay for it which Sophie wasn't happy about. We would back and forth on it but we would ultimately agree on it and Sophie would pay for it through her card. At a later date we had an argument over the money because their money wasn't available to pay for her games. Which goes against what we had planned, So i would pay for it. Reaching my breaking point regarding the finance, separating the kids money I told her we needed to separate the girl's' money so they had money for what they needed for all the essentials and leisure. I did this because Sophie was still holding her ground in only wanting the girls money for what is meant to be used for. The only issue was it wasnt and after Sophie didn't want to pay for the girls games neither did she have the money for the leisures she wanted them to have out of their money. I asked them to withdraw their money and put it in their own individual boxes. Next we would put a sheet in there and either of us went in there we would sign off on how much money we took out and out the change back this would clear up all confusion over their money. Around this time Sophie accused me of spending the girls money when Malaki was born, so I pointed out to her where the money had gone and we quickly realised because we didn't have a plan and we didn't track what we had we didn't see the money went back into the flat. Which I did.
After she accused me,I refused to go into the box. There were a few times I did but I didn't even want to touch the money box out of fear of getting accused after doing this for a month. The girls had excess money left over when the 12 (Sophie's next payday) rolled around again. I don't think Sophie liked this but the plan worked. The car payments were still being missed, the car needed to go back Argument with Sophie's Dad at Easter I got a text from an unknown number on Easter, I texted back and who it was and it was Sophie's dad. I was a bit annoyed because the flat was a bit of a mess and I felt like I could have had a bit of a heads up that someone was coming so we could at least clean up. Why did I receive the text? Sophie's Phone was still broken so she wanted her sim card in my phone so she could still receive calls and texts. Because money was short we would just top her sim card up instead of mine. Despite what people have been told after we broke up. Sophie still had access to a phone, facebook emails and everything. Another concern I had was Sophie's father is very generous, no seriously he really was. So I knew at Easter he would bring them chocolate. Here's the problem, me and Sophie had agreed we weren't going to celebrate that year (reason personal to me which we discussed) and we wanted to limit the chocolate intake of the children. We recently had issues with Toya chocolate intake which also resulted in Brie started having chocolate too because she became more aware of what her sister was eating. On top of that getting Toya settled and reasons for nap time and bed time when she was filled with sugar became really tough. I decided to go to zero chocolate in the flat for a week, if you remember Sophie said i could do it better then go for it. So this was one of my strategies, usually i used a moderation not deprivation approach but that was impossible to do when the girls knew where we hid the chocolate.
So like I said we went cold turkey, I had spoken to Sophie to ask her dad not to bring any and if needed just the girls some cash to buy some chocolate at a later date and we could control the amount they had. When we ran the trail, our formerly sugar-filled children became more settled, they slept better and they never had such large crashes, which Sophie absolutely hated! While Sophie did tell me she would handle it I knew there is now a high probability this was a lie. All I had to do was look back at recent promises of handling something to know this wasn't true.
When her dad arrived, he played with the girls for a bit and spoke to Sophie and myself. The whole time I sat in the chair waiting for chocolate to be brought up. Something just seemed off, it really did. When it came time for him to leave he turned to Sophie and said you coming Soph? They went close to the door and I could hear them speaking about something and the lightbulb went off in my head. I knew he had brought down chocolate. So I went over and politely said I'm curious, did you bring down chocolate? He said yes I got a bag full in the car. So I turned to Sophie and said I thought we agreed on what we agreed on? She said nothing at first but I remember her saying I tried to tell him but he didn't listen.
I could understand the part where he didnt listen but I think we need to respect the decision we made for a child's health and well being. And then it just fell apart. His dad wanted to have the eggs, but hide them. So I looked around and asked him where? I told him the kids would likely find it and all hell would break loose. I explained to him about the health issues Toya has if she eats too much chocolate as well as how she's difficult to handle. His response was what's a bit of chocolate, we all have to die anyway one day so why can't they have fun. Which did help because that only set off even more. Then he precedes to tell me, he brought an egg for our 2 months old child which set me off even more. I remember asking him if he was stupid? What got even more he was staying neutral and taking none of the concerns i had or that fact he said he could give some to Malaki seriously. Not once did Sophie turn to her father and enforce what we had spoken about or say anything in regards to her father bringing chocolate for her youngest child who was only 2 months old. Personally I felt disrespected. I mean they have my DNA, I know I'm their father but now parenting decisions for children are not being respected? I told her father if you think you can do a better job and wear the jacket better and if you think you're their father I'll sit back and you can do the job. The whole time while im saying this he was saying i've been there wearing the jacket. Then he would turn to Sophie and try to convince her to come and get the Easter eggs. Then her father started to tell me I was selfish, I don't take the kids out, we do nothing etc and it went on and on. I told Sophie I'm out, I'm done. I asked her how can I be a parent if her family was going to come in and treat me like I'm some sperm donor? I told her I was leaving, I had enough of her and her family because this was getting ridiculous because she knew very well what we would have to deal with when Toya gets sick. I walked outside the door, Sophie's dad was still trying to get her to come for this big bag of Easter eggs. After 20 mins of this standoff. Sophie kept telling her dad she’ll message him later. She walked past me saying sorry for being white and went back in. I told her if this happens again it was finished. Addressing what her dad said
He said I was selfish for not taking the kids out. That was incorrect. We went out all the time. The thing is myself and Sophie lived by the philosophy of you dont need alot of money to have fun, it wasn't about where you went it was the time spent with weather that mattered most. Which is something I live by to this day. With help i didn't own a passport until 2019 because i didn't care about travelling. Now if we weren't the same in regards to this, then how did we stay together past a month? Sophie didn't like going; she always said her mother would force her to come out. So you can see why we lived this way with our kids, we went out almost everyday. Did we take loads of pictures and post them on social media? We didn't because that wasn't our thing but I dont think his daughter told him this. As for my people's reasons about Easter, if it was a problem why did she move with me? Why did she keep sleeping with me? Why did she want more children with a guy she couldn't agree with?
I stopped caring I was pretty worked up about his comments that I didn't take my kids out. So I called an audible, because now I had Sophie mad at me pulling faces at me, even more so than usual. I simply just said you know what i don't care i get the message. I was good enough to produce these kids, I was good enough to pay for them, take care of them but I was not good enough to make crucial decisions regarding. This is what it felt like Sophie was trying to tell me. Ok, she wins. I told the kids, let's go have some fun. We are going to Tim hortons. On that day my diet died and I just said to hell with it. Sophie did have some of the girl's money left over, where did it go? I can't tell you, no seriously I don't know. We went to Tim Hortons and started ordering everyone's favourite goodies and treats. Sophie wasn't mad. She was happy to do it under the condition that the money was going to be paid back to me on her payday for the bills i had to pay. The issue was once the payday came around and the money was given back then money went right back into the flat anyway because we were still in the same mess. The rejecting time Hortons Once the Tim Hortons was purchased and we got back, myself and Sophie ate but the girls didn't. They picked at the food but they ultimately rejected it. They ended up having the usual junk food. It was like we ordered new food for them. It was food Sophie liked to eat but they were at the stage where they had enough of that also. Even the doughnuts with chocolate on them were rejected, then the only thing they seemed to like was the lemonade and I know why, this food clashed with the diet changes I was trying to enforce in the flat. The kids going to go kids go when we couldn't afford it, plan to do more days out The next change was go kids go, which they really enjoyed. The issue was we could afford to do like this and like I said I went against where we had previously lived. I started to tell Sophie about some of the ideas I had regarding taking the kids out to more locations. Sophie seemed off with it, which didn't make sense considering the comments her dad made. I was just trying my best to avoid another situation like this. Aggressive body language There were many instances where if we argued, Sophie would walk towards me like she was going to hit me. I would look at her in many instances and tell her not to do something stupid because I knew if she hit I was likely to hit back. If we were in the hallway which was roughly about 50 cm in width and she wanted to pass through, I would demand she stand back so I could walk past and get out the way but she would walk towards me and always attempt to knock into me. My mother telling me to leave and take a walk
Our arguments got extremely heated!, to the point where my mom told me when I came down to help her she had spoken to my auntie in spain. My auntie had advised me when we got into an argument and Sophie would get too close and knock into like she was always doing to leave. Go for a walk and come back because she could be trying to get me arrested. My mom also spoke to me about the time when Sophie said she spoke to her dad and he said have you hit him yet, have you shown him what you're made off.
So if it got really heated I would go for a walk round the block. At times if Brie and Kai were sleeping on their nap I would bring Toya with me and go to the park. Many times Sophie would refuse me taking Toya away from the situation and I would get the comments you're not taking my daughter. Arguments turning Physical, Sophie throwing and retaliation police being called
The police were called on 16th May 2023 following an argument Brie tried to leave the front room. The front room door was closed and she was trying to open it. Sophie was standing near the dining room table and I was in the middle. I reached over to open the door for Brie, Brie had already gotten her fingers around the door attempting to open it. I felt Sophie pushing from behind not with her arms but with her body telling me to f---ing move i told her wait let me open the door Brie. Sophie grabs Brie by the hand, picks her up and swings her towards the dining table before proceeding to march towards me with her fist balled. She told me again to f---ing move. I told her to move back as I was going to Brie who was crying, she kept marching towards me telling me to MOVE! I walked towards her to get back in the front room and she pushed me, i pushed her back before she threw a punch at me. When she did that my right hand went up to push her back but her hand was coming again so I threw my left hand towards her face which then hit her in the nose. There wasn't an immediate reaction from both of us as we were both shocked then Sophie wiped her nose and then said look what you did to my F–CKING NOSE YOU TWAT. The first thing I did was call my mother. Why? I'm not sure just the first number I called from my recent calls. I tried to explain to her what happened, this took about 2 attempts as Sophie was in the background screaming I was a f—-ing liar. My mother said she was calling the police, she told me to leave and wait outside for them. While having this phone call holding the phone with one hand, while trying to get a pair of jeans on with another. Then I tried to leave which then turned into a wrestling match over the door handle. A Fight for who could leave, my mother had come off the phone at this point. I managed to get out of the flat and then Sophie cursed me out for about 2 minutes. While I was on the phone to the police. I told the police what happened and I told them I was waiting near the stairs and I wasn't going anywhere. Police taking statements When the police went there, I met them at the lift. They asked if I wanted to speak in the flat and I said no. I'd rather speak near the stairs where I was waiting. I explained the situation to them while another set of offers spoke to Sophie. A female officer came and said to me that Sophie said I was controlling the money in the flat. I said it was not true and proceeded to explain our financial difficulties, the fact is currently retaining to make more money (so she didn't have to work) and what has been happening with the kids' money. I explained to them that she's been spending the money like crazy then coming to me for more money which resulted in our bills not being paid. I explained she didn't want to help with work and had no intention to. I also explained the money she was paying me back each month which came out of her universal credit but what she wasn't telling them was that most of that money went back to her anyway! And the rest went back into the flat for bills. I then told them where to find the kids' money container, which was on the fireplace. I told them to look inside and they will see how I structured it to ensure we could keep track of the money. I then told the police officer when we take that into consideration then yes i guess i do control the kids expenditure, at this point i have no choice! The officer speaking to me said what's wrong with that? I said what? He said, manage your expenses so the kids have enough. I said I don't know but for the longest while I tried it her way with little input but the situation has gotten out of hand. As the money she's been paying me back that is what she owed to me and we already worked that out but it still goes back in flat anyway!
Police confirming my statement The female officer went back to confirm my statement, when she came back she said your partner confirmed your statement and she admitted to having spending issues. The female offer then said they were going to refer her somewhere for help with budgeting (I forgot who, but I think it might have been early help). Asking about arrest I asked the Officer if he was to arrest me he said no, why would we? I said for the situation that happened. He said an arrest wouldn't be required but they do try and separate the couple apart in a situation like this. He asked me if there was anywhere I could go for a few days. I stopped him and said I live there, all the property in there belonged to me, the issue was my name wasn't on the tenancy (I think i explained how that came to be, but i already explained this). He said is there anywhere you can go for a few hours i said ye my mothers, one of the officers went to speak to Sophie. When they came back, they said she's ok with both of them being separated for a few hours. Word of advice from the police
When the police officers dropped me back to my mothers before they left he said I'm going to give you a word of advice, he said, after what I've seen today and the statements I heard, from one father to another you need to fight for custody of your kids, you really do.
I don't remember responding much, I do remember asking myself if it was really necessary. The officer said to me, I've seen this far too much and see where this leads but you really do need to fight for custody of your children. Returning home and leaving again for more time away When I got to my mothers, I called my friend Yesh and explained the situation. He said he was coming down to me real soon. I told him to meet me back at the flat. When I got back to the flat after about an hour or 2 I walked in just starting, then she said something derogatory but she tried to almost do it under her breath. I looked at her and said Sophie the police will not enforce your feelings to which she then rolled her eyes and walked into the kitchen. When Yesh got there he looked at me and said we need to leave, Brie started to become unsettled noticing I was leaving. Sophie started getting agitated again, she went to grab Brie a nappy. Sophie picked Brie up and aggressively put her on the floor to change her. I looked at Yesh who was standing by the door, and threw my hands up. He looked at me and said let's go, now! And I left to avoid any more issues. Trying to break up mutually, addressing more of our issues, Asking for my name on the tenancy After the police were called, we addressed the money spending issue. I also addressed the girls diet again, which at this point was non-existent. The girls consumed a lot of chocolate, crisp and junk. Sophie didn't really want to cook anything. If I cooked they would eat it. It was a struggle for Sophie due to her diet being different but Toya would always want Sophie to eat the same foods as she did before she tried it. We realised the girls loved the fruit pouches we would buy when they were younger, we recently attempted to see if they would have puree fruit again. As the texture of the whole fruit wasn't the same and the junk they consumed. So I would go out and fill the fridge with fruit and make our own fruit pouches. Sophie found a way to break the girls diet again, with the buying of chocolate. Toya got to a point where she wouldn't eat anything else. When I tried to address this with Sophie I got it was almost like she didn't care. After this i went through a phase i stopped caring i was worn out. I just let them have it, if they wanted it. I let them have it because as parents we could get on the same but I knew what was coming in the near future. I spoke to her about having my name in the tenancy as I wanted more security and I didnt feel like I had it. She said she would speak to Sharon Payne (Tenancy officer). She spoke to Sharron (although i didn't see her) over the Phone who told me to send my personal documents over to a lady named Tracy. Sophie claims Sharron said it would take 12 months to put my name on the tenancy. Disagreement over home safety such as cupboard locks, stair gates etc
We had many disagreements over child safety, i'd like to start by saying yes it is normal for children to fall over. Have knocks etc. My rationale was we have 3 when it's just one parent in the flat it's almost impossible to eye in the back of your head. This is why I suggested for us to have stair gates at locations.
So let's say Sophie was in the kitchen, and Brie fell over and split her eyebrow open, which she did. Imagine if something Sophie far worse happened? This is why I suggested stair gates. The problem was Sophie didn't want to spend it from the kids' money we put aside like we agreed. This, like the recurring theme in this statement, caused lots of arguments.
The same was also true with cupboard locks as Brie was going under the sink, a fire extinguisher and a fire blanket as a few times we had cooked it had gotten very smokey. And my favourite of all of them, was just putting simple foam on the corners, sharp edges, or the step of the fireplace. Now to some this seems a bit extreme but to each their own, they are our children and I considered their safety a lot. And just like with stair gates these also faced a lot of resistance. I just wasn't prepared to lose on some of these and thankfully I made it happen. Malakis bond with Sophie started to deteriorate
When Sophie would get mad, there would be alot of door slamming, banging, slamming of cupboard doors, If we brushed the girls teeth we would bring Malaki Sophie would slam the toilet seat for her to sit on. While doing all this Malaki would jump and get scared of his mother. A few days after the police were called, I remember being in the room playing with the girls Sophie was there too holding Malaki. He cried non stop for about an hour and Sophie could settle him eventually I said to Sophie let me have him for a bit, after about 10 minutes he would stop crying he would become very settled. Sophie would have a certain, I give up look on her face. I think she couldn't understand why he wouldn't settle with her. When I gave him back to her this would happen again, this would continue for about 2 hours before he finally went to sleep. This would continue for days and weeks and I feel like Sophie held this against me as she was very fond of boy babies. Over time she accepted the bond I had with Toya post Wales and during this time her bond with Brie wasn't the best, she would always say Brie looked like me so I don't know if that had anything to do with it. Becoming my mothers official carer I started to become my mothers official carer (paid for through carers allowance) on the 18th May 2023. The amount you pay is £307 a month. I was already my mothers carer before this point due to her fall but. We needed the money, when I got paid Sophie wasn't happy with this as she had asked my mother previously to become her carers for the extra money. I also was under the impression she thought i wouldnt get the money. It ultimately went to me for 2 reasons, one was because my mother didn't feel comfortable based on the confrontations at this time and secondly i don't want to be in the same situation we were in before with money. Like it is said it didn't sit well with her and it caused a lot of awkwardness that day. She was very moody and very difficult to talk to. I asked Sophie for distance after the police were called for us to sleep in separate rooms After the police were called, I went to my following college lesson. When I came home I had something suggested to me by a friend on that day following an argument (we hand on that day). When I came home I asked Sophie for my personal space that night and suggested she sleep in the front room. This didn't sit well with her, i explained to her I was watching the girls and the baby monitors signal couldn’t reach the front room so i asked her to switch and i would go in the front room and she could watch the girls which she didn't want to do as they woke up frequently throughout the night. This would lead to arguments over the bed which we both owned, to the point where we both got to a stage where we both would dismantle the bed in anger over who was going to sleep on it. The interesting thing is after that on many nights we still remain sleeping in the bed anyway after fighting. We would have sex, order food and sleep in the same bed. Getting an offer from 2 college and an opportunity to make more money for my family After I passed my welding course, I was given an option to return to college to complete another 15 weeks of welding. I thought about it and knew this was going to be a good idea as a lot of the MIG welding jobs paid far less than the alternative. The alternative was a MIG and TIg welding which pays more when you work for a fabrication shop and you gave both. Dudley College also offered me the ability to train to become a coded welder which would lead to more money and I could study this in the 15 week period I study TIG.
Applying for my own place, Sophie’s meltdown
After the police were called, we still didn't see eye to eye and the relationship was beyond repairable. Following another argument we had which resulted in Sophie slamming the kids door in my face, well i didn't hit my face i put my hand up in time but my hand almost went through it, Sophie told me to F off immediately and she was calling Sharron (the tenancy officer) in the morning. I think this was on a Tuesday, because on a wednesday (7th June) after I had come back from class (I had passed at this point, the college let me come in to get a start on next terms TIG welding Level 2 to learn the basics) I applied for my own place with Wolverhampton homes following and conversation with my mother. My mother told me to get out of there before she tries some funny business to get me arrested. So I did apply for my own place. Sophie was asleep at this point.
The next day on Thursday, I told Sophie I would be leaving. I told her I didn't think it was fair anymore that I was being continuously told I didn't live there and it was only her property. She told me she didn't think it was fair I said I would take everything. I reminded her I bought the property and I reminded her I was paying my rent contributions and the Majority of the bills. I told her she could join me when I moved to the new place but it was going to be both of us on the rent book and it was going to be equal. Sophie said she would likely lose her universal credit while I said I didn't care we could both find work. I told Sophie again, she said, I needed to leave immediately, she said I only told you to fuck off. I said no, you said you were speaking to Sharon right after you said that. Sophie said it was about the rent. The rent was behind because, with the money being short, I constantly pleaded with Sophie to find work so we could rotate her. She started to look for work but never with intent. She said she hated working in care (I don't blame her it wasn't a nice place to work) but we didn't have a choice and I was working on finding a resolution (to Sophie not wanting work and we needing more money) or at least I felt like it was. So the rent was behind and while she looked for work she wanted the rent to be in my name which they declined because my name wasn't on the tenancy. Sophie was mad, for the rest of that day she became a menace! No one was safe from being verbally chewed out. Nothing any of us did in the flat was acceptable. I didn't want to stay in the flat and I asked Toya if she wanted to go to the park, She didn't tell me no. Brie was at the stage where she wanted to walk more and Toya wanted to sit in the pram which is what she did if she knew i was pushing it that day. Unfortunately for Brie she had to deal with her mothers anger that day. Her mother woke up but after telling her I applied for my own place it went downhill from there. If Brie took long to keep, that was a tongue lashing, if she wondered too far left or right that was a tongue lashing. We stopped at moms along the way to quickly see her because Toya had requested, I asked Sophie to wait outside because she was emotionally melting down. Me and Toya went in for about 2 minutes before heading to the park. When we got to the park Brie was just getting shouted out left, right and centre. I was with Toya and Malaki. I felt really bad for Brie but there was no calming Sophie down.
Making agreements and contracts
After telling Sophie I was going to leave she begged me to stay. I said I would stay as long as we got on the same page about the way we were going to run the flat, manage finances etc. I said to her I didn't feel comfortable that I was going to pay the money back which she owed me which was an accumulation of the money I had given her over time, which she said she was going to repay and money which should have been used for car payments which instead went to her which she would use for her own leisures and needs. Because of that money going to her the car was being taken away. I asked if I could have a contract in place in the event she decided not to pay and she said sure. We used lawdepot to construct the agreement, we both sat by each other and took turns to fill out the form. Sophie was the one who filled out the deadline date and I agreed. She told me she would be returning to work and we could work out this sticking point in our relationship by then. She also said she would put us in the position again and she was sorry. We printed out 2 copies. I told her to take a few minutes to read it while I went to the toilet. I went to the toilet and came back and asked her if she still wanted to sign she yes. We then went to the front room to look for a pen. We signed it at the dining room table and stored it away.
I just had one more issue which I had overlooked. I didn't want to potentially lose my self prescribed TRT again at any point. I know she said the last time I threw it out in panic, she wouldn't say anything but time I was prepared to take a risk. So I asked her if she would sign an NDA. i did this to protect myself, i also knew getting treatment from the doctor is very difficult in regards to this. It isn't the same as going to your GP to have a blood test and being prescribed the pill like it is with females. There's also a lot of stigma attached to anabolic steroids. I just knew people would not understand that these steroids, the same steroids which have this stigma attached to them, are the same prescribed by an endocrinologist. Finding Sophie's letter to the court she didn't send I went under the bed to look for something. I found the letter for the courts Sophie was meant to return. If I remember at the time she was completing the form she had 3 days to fill the form out and return it to the court (she filled it out on 15/4/23). I was very mad about this, it dawned on any day bailiffs could be on the door and there would be nothing i could do about. I wasn't prepared for all the possessions because of her mother. I asked Sophioe why she didn't send it off. She said she forgot, so I asked her why it was hidden under the bed. I told Sophie I was going to post it and she said she would sort it. I remember turning to her and saying there's that word again, sort it, so I told her because she could do it i would. So I left with the letter. I stopped at my mothers place along the way and got some advice. She convinced me not to send it in case when we got to the court she denied sending it. So I've kept the letter since then. A call for help and support
I received a call from a guy, while Sohpie was out about a week or 2 later, he explained we had been referred to them by the police. I explained the situation to him and he said he could refer us to early help. I said we could use it. He said Sophie would have to refer herself for help regarding the finances. When Sophie came home I explained the Phone call I had with the guy and that she would be getting a call shortly. Getting a call from Family support We got a call from Annette Simpson (I think this was her last name) she spoke to Sophie about the help she was going to give her regarding the finances. She said she was coming over on the 19th June. Trying to find a solution
As discussed, I tried to find a solution. One was going back to college and doing another 15 weeks for Tig level two to earn enough money so Sophie wouldn't have to and I hoped this would solve that aspect of the disagreements we had. The car we were driving was meant to go back earlier in the year, I think it was April or May. I got a letter regarding the car finance and they wanted it back but. The plan was to get a new car once I sold some possessions. Then give back the fiesta which I had because on the fact we had low finances this could only work if we bound together (myself, Sophie and the kids financially). Then the next issue was I still had to pay for the course coming up So i could earn more cash once I was one and Sophie wouldn't have to work I spoke to Sophie about the plan. A few other ideas were mentioned on how we were going to get out of this mess once and for all. I told Sophie about the plan in the exact same way as I just discussed. She loved it. Straight away we got to work putting the pieces in place to execute properly. The alternative to the plan, something I had mentioned a few nights before to her, Malaki could be signed over in my name, which could mean I could potentially claim the child element again. As Sophie already told universal credit I had disappeared from the children without a trace before Toya was born. Which she didn't like (she gave me the silent treatment and she sat on the bed pulling faces), stands to reason it wasn't she didn't have an issue with the plan she just didn't want to lose what she felt was power. We felt like we were running out of options but instead we went with the first option.
We spoke about the family support work which was due to come on the 19th. We reached the conclusion that if she was coming to deal with finances there was a strong chance she wouldn't understand this plan and the logic. So we agreed to tell her we didn't need the help. Sophie sent her a text telling her not to come followed by a voice note the next day. I already started looking for new cars at this point, the only condition was Sophie wanted something bigger because of her ankle which made sense considering her accident and it meant more space. We would have already had a new car if the plan was followed correctly. At the time we did budgeting we were built into the budget to save money away for a new car but Sophie did want to budget and save. Family support worker called on monday 19th June Annette called on Monday and asked for Sophie. I don't think she expected I answered if you remember I said her sim was on my phone but I was able to view a few cars on that day so I took the opportunity. Annet said she needed to speak to Sophie so I told her I was out in Birmingham looking at cars and as soon as I got back I would let Sophie know she called (which I did) Annette said ok because Sophie needed to sign some type of form. Sophie was made aware but she never did call her back. Which i already knew and i explained why above. Sophie's brother contacted us
Sophie's Brother contacted us around June. I texted back (I saw the text as her sim was on my phone) and asked who it was and he said Kian. I remember getting this feeling in my stomach the same I had felt every time we dealt with any of her family after all the bad interactions I had had with them. I told Sophie this and she said what he wanted. A similar thing she said when Morgan called in 2022 telling Sophie her mother threw out. The texts kept coming for a good 2 weeks. But we never had time or were in a position to deal with alot of external issues as we had a lot of issues of our own. Once when we picked up Toya, she was throwing a tantrum because she wanted chocolate, Kian and I asked if he would call back at a better time as we had a stoppy toddler in our own hands, then I said let us get our 3 kids home first then we’ll talk. He was like I know you got 3 kids so I said good so could we please just deal with them first. He said. I personally knew we didn't have it in us to go down memory lane as of yet but I also did want her mother anywhere near me. That's how I personally operate. I don't like someone or want to be around someone ill avoid them. I mentioned this to Sophie and said it wasn't her brother brother it was her mother i really didn't like but if she wanted her mother really bad, she could have but im not going to be around to go through the emotional rollercoaster again. Kian called again, when we were on our way to either tesco or west park. I told Sophie to speak to him because she told me not to answer. She spoke to him and he said he wanted to meet up and she explained it was difficult because of her mom. I turned to Sophie and told her to tell me the truth he has the right to know, but she didn't do it. So I did. I Told Kian Sophie loved and would never just leave him! And it was his mother who banned Sophie from seeing them because she was with me but she loved him with every fibre of being. Kian started crying screaming NO! Sophie was crying because of what I just said was the truth. I told Kian we were going through some stuff, but sometime real soon when we got ourselves sorted we would meet him and explain everything.
Like I said her siblings other than Tia wasn't the issue. It is her mother and as Sophie has stated in messages and to my face she's not a very good human being and we both knew with her mother in the picture it would be impossible to make ‘’us’’ work. Now we had 3 kids she posed a greater risk and we wanted to reduce the risk of the other mother, doing what she did to her kids and their dad to me, and Sophie with our kids. Kian then put down the phone crying. Latoya's chocolate and sugar consumption and getting constipated and sick
If you remember, I said I gave up, even though I knew what the outcome was going to be. Throughout this statement, I reference Toya a lot when she got sick due to their diet. Brie gave more food choices a go but that does not mean i'm saying she didn't get sick. It just wasn't as bad and hard to watch as Toya. We noticed Toya was struggling to use the potty more and more. And she would run around the flat screaming. I quickly noticed she was constipated as she displayed the same symptoms before. Eventually Toya did pass her stools but it was uncomfortable to watch, not only me but Sophie also. Sophie angry at me for being angry about the the diet, trying to kill herself Afterwards, while Toya was recovering I spoke to Sophie in the time after we had completed a workout in the front room. We had a few augments in the day because I wanted my frustration about the girls diet. I raised my issues again about us as a family going back on our word when I came to the girls diet. Sophie wasn't interested in talking about it, she didn't even want to make a plan with me so this wouldn't happen again to the girls. I knew first their diet choices needed to start with us, their parents. Historically, when we had periods of making smarter choices we never had the problem but with Sophies diet choices. Sophie started giving me the silent treatment all evening. Discussing basic household priorities became impossible. She was very moody for no reason and I couldn't understand why. Sophie looked at me and said I guess it would be better if I just killed myself. I paused for about 3 seconds and told her go do what you want. Sophie got up, walked past me and went into the kitchen. She grabbed the small cutting knife and started slicing away at her wrist. I could remember hearing almost like a chicken being but very aggressively. I stood up and looked by the door and saw she had indeed done that. We didn't say a whole lot to each other for the rest of the night we pretty much kept her distance. This, us, was beyond the point of fixable (looking back). I don't know how I would have explained it to girls whose mother could have gone.. If she did cut through.
Throwing out a lot of the junk, keeping a small amount tied in a bag out of reach.
The next day i set out to clear the place of most of the junk, remember it is said moderation not deprivation. So a small bag was kept at the very top of the wardrobe. It was out of site and out of mind. Usually the junk was located in the kitchen in the bottom cupboard, you might say I thought you said you had cupboard locks? We did but that didn't stop Brie from breaking her way in.
Buying the new car, preparing the old car to be returned, argument over shopping list and breakup, police being called We had brought a new car and were due to give back the Fiesta which had been sitting on the drive for a while and needed cleaning and few things done to it before it went back. I had a deadline. On the 25th I woke up later due to being up all night with the girls. When I woke up Sophie said we needed a few things from the shop. I said ok could you write me a list as I need to quickly get ready. When I had gotten ready the shopping list still had a lot of junk. I just promised myself I wasn't going to buy junk food in excess or the girls. I told Sophie we’re changing the list. Remember they girls had chocolate and biscuits and other junk but I moved its location. Sophie got mad and crossed it off the list, regardless of who held the pen and did i just wasn't going to buy it. I still was getting something prepared to take care of the Fiesta and I asked Sophie if she could quickly redo the list because she did it the first time I could barely read it. She said just remember ad the proceeded to name them verbally i said Sophie i'm ont going to remember, i asked her to write it down and she responded with oh my fucking god. I said what's the problem, she told me to just remember it. Something to note, it was Sunday and most shops shut early. Like I said, I woke up later in the day so I had very limited time to work with. Sophie kept yelling, remembering it. I said to Sophie I got a lot to do today. We've done lists before about your problem. She told me she had no problem going back and forth for a while. So told her if your memory is great why don't you go then because this car has to go back. Then she goes fine then come on Toya let's get ready. Meanwhile time is ticking and nothing important is getting done…
Toya and Brie were getting ready for their nap which they usually had around this time. So I told Sophie she wasn't taking them out when we both knew she couldn't handle them later when they get too exhausted.
Side note Sophie never liked when they got too tired, there would be a lot of crying and screaming until they went to sleep. Sophie could handle Toya but Brie's scream was like nails on a chalkboard for her. While all this is taking place I'm still preparing what I need for the car. Sophie still insisted on taking them out, we could have already had the list written and I would have been gone. Davd, why couldn't you! write the list? (not what Sophie said in just asking myself a question) Well the way we usually worked was, going back to when Toya was first born when Sophie wakes up she would usually check and know exactly what we needed and she would send me a list via whats app or have one ready so when i read to go we could, be with efficient with time. So I told Sophie to let the girls have their nap, so I told her to leave the pram as I brought her and said she would walk then. If you don't know, Tesco is about a 44 minute walk via foot, including the kids and you’ve got a longer walk. We tried this once before Malaki was born. It took us over 2 hours. Sophie had done this with Toya (she walked ) once to get milk and it took even longer. Toya was extremely tired and slept most of the evening. Sophie then started getting Brie undressed, picked up and instead of putting her in her cot she dropped her down aggressively and Brie knowed her head and started crying.
Another side note, this isn't the first time this has happened if Sophie was in one of her moods this would be a regular occurrence. A few months prior Sophie got in a mood and picked up Toya and helped her on the side of her hip, when marching out the room she didn't mind she was holding her daughter instead she started swinging from side to side and Toya got a knock around the head really bad and was crying. I got really heated over it and Sophie had nothing to say. After about 5 minutes she said it was an accident. I settled Toya down and we played on the table for a while. After I took exception to this I checked on Brie, while doing so Sophie stormed out the room while saying something about me. I followed behind saying what's your problem you just threw her down in the cot sophie said she didnt i said you did. When we got to the front room Sophie Slammed the door onto my hand. I opened the door and pushed her in the back, then she turned around and said get the fuck out. I said no, Sophie went to the phone by the door and called downstairs. She demanded for them to send for the police and get the twat out of her flat. I stormed over, grabbed the phone and said yes, send them. So they did. Toya came over and stuck her hands in the air for me to pick her up. Brie had started falling to sleep and Malaki was asleep. Sophie told me to put her daughter down, I said no she’s my daughter too. Sophie said it was alright I was going anyway. The Police arrived, dispute with Mattoo, Sophie telling me to take the girls, and returning leaving The Police arrived one was Mattoo badge number 22722. And the other officer, well, I didn't get the chance to get his name. They separated us in separate rooms and I explained what happened to the officer I didn't get the name of. Mattoo came in and said she wants you to go, so leave. The officer I was giving my statement to tried to get his colleague to give me an extra few minutes to speak but he wasn't having it. He seemed like hereally wanted to be arrested but he never had a reason. Officer Mattoo tried hard but I thought it would only be fair to say my side of the situation which his partner was willing to do. Mattoo went back to Sophie and came back and told me to leave and I had 5 minutes. At this point I still didn't finish my statement which his partner wanted to hear. His partner tried to get him away but Mattoo didn't care. I asked him why he wanted to arrest me, his partner said no, no arrests will be happening that day so I asked him why. I said your partner really seems like he wants to arrest someone. Mattoo kept saying i had 5 minutes so i said fine let me make a call, i tried this but the phone didn't ring out. Like I already stated we were only topping up Sophie's sim card. The other officer let me use his phone to call my friend Yesh, who eventually came down. Mattoo started threatening social services, i told her to go for it, a breach of peace and a few others. Sophie said I was controlling the money So i explained to them what I explained to the police last and showed them where our children's money was. The other officer also came back and said, Sophie said you're hiding the kids' food. So I explain this is what the most recent argument was about chocolate and our daughter was getting constipated yet again and wasn't fair so I put the chocolate and crisp out of sight (then i showed him where it was). The officer looked at me and said no child is supposed to live on that, it isn't healthy (like i needed to be told). I explained to him that's why I put it up out of reach.
The officer tried to find a resolution, he asked if the last solution would help or else he would call a social worker. Which he did. The social worker wanted to speak to me and Sophie over the phone. She said we needed to do what was best for the kids and it wouldn't be good if we lost them. I told her what happened then explained I would leave for a few hours but we needed to get on the same page (not the exact words but something to that effect), the police and the social worker then asked Sophie what she wanted to do. Sophie said no i want him to go, then as i was leaving The officer told me Sophie said take the kids. Which didn't make sense. I was being thrown out of where I lived and the kids were being put in that situation. When we got to the car Yesh said he saw Sophie going to the police car. Asked him did they cuff her or something? He said no, not from what he could see. The officer and Yesh gave me assistance in taking the kids to my mothers. When we got there I gave them food and we all spent time for a bit. The only lingering issue was, we didn't do the shopping ,and the kids needed essentials such as nappies milk, food for Malaki. Yesh, who had seen and heard the majority of our statements knew this was done so he went to the Shop and got nappies and milk.
I tried to get the girls to sleep and their nans but they were used to their normal sleeping environment. Sophie never asked me for the key, So I went back to the flat so the girls could get some rest.
Being told it was mandatory to return the kids
The next day, I noticed Malaki had no milk and we still needed more items which didn't get purchased on Sunday. I had just gotten paid the carers allowance money on Monday was stuff in a tough spot. Sophie had told the officer I was to take my shit and leave and for all I know they kn The aftermath * Sophie not wanting a private place or to wait for wolverhampton homes
* Brie being conceived in april
* Speaking to sophie about when she would return to work in about early april- she said she would be then we start having sex more all of a sudden * Argument with Sophie on sue's birthday * Speak about when you was offwork the second time and sophie said if you can do it better then do it. So i did and she would sabotage my efforts.
* Mention sophie would have latoya up late in the night, up until 12am eating mcdonalds when sleep should have priorities. Sophie would allow her to stay up late with the logic if she was up layer she would she would sleep in longer. Which didnt sit well with me. Latoya would wake up her usually time anyway and would very tired and exhausted which would cause a class between Sophie and latoya because both would be exhausted. ( reference screen shots find image of sophie giving toya maccines late at night )
* Speak about how i always checked in on my kids even while working nights * Make sure you speak about Sophie getting rid of what was in our storage cupboard, the items we didnt need. * Fridge freezer broker when sophie didn't want to budget her money, i asked for ownership of it as i paid for it from my car expense that month. And because my name wasn't on the rent book so i wanted at least some stake in the property. ( look up where you said the money was going, the money you gave her) How can I parent my children going forward when her mother is a master manipulator?