Rough Draft
The sunset was so beautiful
It looked just like her
The way she moved so slowly
Around the falling waves
The way her shadow fell so fully
In between the caves
The only thing that mattered
Was the way she could feel
Everything that was shattered
She suddenly had to conceal
Her everything was gone
Final Draft
The sunset was so beautiful
It looked just like her love
The way she moved so slowly
Around the crashing waves
The way her shadow fell so fully
In between the caves
Her golden amber eyes
Staring at you so gladly
The only thing that mattered
Was the way she could feel
Everything that was shattered
She suddenly had to revel
She was sitting there alone
Rough draft
My poem is about love. I was trying to show that the speaker was really in love with the person
they were talking about. I also wanted to convey the way the moment felt somewhat sad even
before you get to the end. One thing I did in this poem is use some slant rhyme and have words
that didn't rhyme because I felt it made the moment feel less perfect in a way and kind of shows
the brokenness of the speaker. One risk I took was making it so it didn't totally rhyme which to
some may make it seem unfinished but like the way it sounds and works with the theme of the
poem. One thing I don't like about the poem is I feel I could have found a slightly better way to
end it. If i could change something i would maybe make it a little longer describe the person the
speaker is talking about a bit more.
Final Draft
The theme of my poem is love. In my poem I was trying to show that the speaker was really in
love with the person they were talking about. I also wanted to convey the way the moment felt
somewhat sad even before you get to the end. One thing I did in this poem is use some slant
rhyme and have words that didn't rhyme because I felt it made the moment feel less perfect in a
way and shows the brokenness of the speaker. One risk I took was making it so it didn't totally
rhyme which to some may make it seem unfinished but I like the way it sounds and works with
the theme of the poem.One risk i took that i liked how it turned out is i used allusion to tell the
reader what happened without actually saying it One thing I don't like about the poem is I feel I
could have found a slightly better way to word the end it. If i could change something i would
maybe make it a little longer describe the person the speaker is talking about a bit more.