Sentence Clarity
(Based on Style: Ten Lessons in Clarity and Grace, Joseph Williams, pp. 41-96.)
The basic principle is this: Figure out the story your sentence is telling. Who or what is the main
character? What is the main action? Readers usually experience writing as clear when the subject of a
sentence is the main character and when the verb expresses the main action.

There is opposition among voters to nuclear power plants near population centers
because of a widespread belief in their threat to human health.

Many voters oppose nuclear power plants near population centers because they
believe that such plants threaten human health.
Lack of clarity is often the result of actions and descriptions hiding out in nouns instead of being
expressed in verbs and adjectives. The noun form of these verbs and adjectives is called a
nominalization. What are the noun forms of these verbs and adjectives?
analyze
suggest
express
decrease
decide
believe
approach
fail
improve
important
attemptconclude
emphasize
evaluate
compare
define
discuss
explain
acquire
appeal
appear
describe
increase
accurate
careful
clear
precise
relevant
intelligent
explicit
Diagnosis:
a. Ignoring short (four or five word) introductory phrases, underline the first seven or eight words in
each sentence.
b. Look for three characteristics:

Sentences that begin not with characters but with abstract nouns.

Sentences that take you more than six or seven words to get to a verb.

Verbs that are less specific than the actions buried in the nouns around them.
Analysis:
a. Find or invent your cast of characters.
b. Find nominalizations that name the actions those characters perform.
Revision:
a. Change the nominalization into verbs and adjectives.
b. Make the characters the subjects of those new verbs.
c. Rewrite the sentence with conjunctions like because, if, when, although, why, how, whether, that.
Exercises Revise the following sentences so that nominalizations are changed into verbs and so that characters are
the subjects of those verbs:
1. Lincoln’s hope was for the peaceful preservation of the Union, but the South’s attack on Fort
Sumter made war an inevitability.
2. Attempts were made on the part of the President’s aides to assert his immunity from a
Congressional subpoena.
3. There were predictions by his supporters that the nominee would receive quick committee
approval.
4. The author’s analysis of our data omits any citation of sources that would provide support for his
criticism of our argument.
5. The health industry’s ability to exert cost controls could lead to the public’s decision that
congressional action is not needed.
6. A papal appeal was made to the industrialized countries of the world for assistance to those in
Africa facing the threat of starvation.
7. Attempts at explanations for increases in voter participation in this year’s elections were offered
by several candidates.
8. The agreement by the participants on the program was based on the assumption that there was a
promise of federal funds.
9. There was no independent business-sector study of the cause of the sudden increase in the trade
surplus.
10. Agreement as to the need for revisions in the terms of the treaty was reached by the two sides.
11. There was uncertainty in the White House about Serbian intentions in regard to withdrawal from
Albania’s borders.
12. Thorough preparation of the specimen sections is the responsibility of laboratory personnel.
13. Any contradictions among data in any result requires an explanation of the reasons for the
inconsistencies.
14. The board’s rejection of our proposal was a disappointment but not a surprise because of our
expectation that a decision had already been made in regard to a delay of any new initiatives.
15. Their performance of the music was marked by great enthusiasm but lacked historical accuracy.
Sometimes in order to make sentences clearer you need to invent a character because the original was in the passive voice
or because the character it had was overly abstract. Revise the following passages, inventing appropriate characters when
necessary:
1. As reported in recent media stories, resistance has been growing against building new mental
health facilities in residential areas because of a distrust founded on the belief that the few examples
of improper management are typical. There is a need for a modification of these perceptions.
2. Of concern is the increasing cost of protecting museum artifacts. Their mere storage is a
contributing factor to deterioration, to say nothing of the effects of their display. The concept of
conservation means that higher expenditures are necessary to ensure the availability of skills and
equipment to ensure their preservation for future generations.
3. Recent assertions about failures to present information fairly are accurate in regard to journalism
in the United States today. A comparison of press coverage from different countries reveals many
inaccuracies in reporting by politically biased newspapers. The omission of facts
and the slanting of stories show the failure of the press to carry out its mission with objectivity. As a
result, lack of knowledge has resulted in public opinion based more on emotion than on reason.