Copyright © 2020 by Laurelin Paige
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means,
including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author,
except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Paige Press, LLC
Leander, Texas
ISBN: 978-1-942835-90-5
Editing: Erica Russikoff at Erica Edits
Proofing: Michele Ficht, Kimberly Ruiz
Cover: Laurelin Paige
CONTENTS
A Message to my Most Important Readers
Also by Laurelin Paige
Foreword
1. Tess
2. Scott
3. Tess
4. Scott
5. Tess
6. Scott
7. Tess
8. Scott
9. Tess
10. Scott
11. Tess
12. Scott
13. Tess
14. Scott
15. Tess
16. Scott
17. Tess
18. Scott
19. Tess
20. Tess
Epilogue: Scott
Author’s Note and Acknowledgments
The Dirty Universe Continues…
Also by Laurelin Paige
Let’s stay in touch!
About Laurelin Paige
A MESSAGE TO MY MOST IMPORTANT
READERS
That’s you!
You people checking out this book for me before release day, taking your
time to review it, dedicating space in your day to share it - all of that’s a real
commitment, and if I don’t say it enough, please know that I appreciate
you.
There are some reoccurring questions I get from Advanced Readers, and I
thought I’d see if I could answer the more common ones now.
What if I find a mistake?
This version of the book is not the final - there are still people proofreading
it for mistakes. If you find mistakes and want to report it to me, you’re
welcome to let me know by emailing me at laurelinpaigeauthor@
gmail.com. Please include the chapter number the error is in and the entire
sentence that includes the mistake. You’re just as welcome to ignore any
typos and keep reading. I should find them before release either way!
What if something comes up, and I can’t review in time?
Make sure you contact Candi Kane or Melissa Gaston. ARCs are
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honest review. If you don’t review the book, the book hasn’t been “paid
for”. We will remove any people who receive an ARC and don’t review
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Can I tell people I’m reading?
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Definitely! I love that. I don’t always get to my PM’s in a timely manner so
it may be awhile before I respond, but be assured I see them!
What if Amazon won’t let me leave a review there?
There are plenty of other places to leave a review for the book! Goodreads,
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options!
Can I review in more than one place?
Will you??? I’d be thrilled! Copy and paste the same review, even.
When is the audio coming out?
Audio will be released around the time of the ebook.
When is the paperback coming out?
It’s on preorder now and will release when the ebook does. You can order
signed copies from my website on release day. The store will be open for a
couple of weeks. laurelinpaige.com/signed-books
xoxo,
LP
ALSO BY LAURELIN PAIGE
Visit my website for a more detailed reading order.
Man in Charge Duet
Man in Charge
Man in Love
Man for Me
The Dirty Universe
Dirty Filthy Rich Boys - READ FREE
Dirty Duet (Donovan Kincaid): Dirty Filthy Rich Men | Dirty Filthy Rich Love
Dirty Games Duet (Weston King): Dirty Sexy Player | Dirty Sexy Games
Dirty Sweet Duet (Dylan Locke): Sweet Liar | Sweet Fate
(Nate Sinclair) Dirty Filthy Fix (a spinoff novella)
Dirty Wild Trilogy (Cade Warren): Wild Rebel | Wild War | Wild Heart
The Fixed Universe
Fixed Series (Hudson and Alayna): Fixed on You | Found in You | Forever with You | Hudson |
Fixed Forever
Found Duet (Gwen and JC): Free Me | Find Me
(Chandler and Genevieve) Chandler (a spinoff novel)
(Norma and Boyd) Falling Under You (a spinoff novella)
(Nate and Trish) Dirty Filthy Fix (a spinoff novella)
Slay Series (Celia and Edward): Rivalry | Ruin | Revenge | Rising
(Gwen and JC) The Open Door (a spinoff novella)
(Camilla and Hendrix) Slash (a Slay spinoff novella)
First and Last
First Touch | Last Kiss
Hollywood Standalones
One More Time
Close
Sex Symbol
Star Struck
Written with Sierra Simone
Porn Star | Hot Cop
Written with Kayti McGee under the name Laurelin McGee
Miss Match | Love Struck | MisTaken | Holiday for Hire
DID YOU KNOW…
This book is available in both paperback and audiobook editions at all
major online retailers! Links are on my website.
If you’d like to order a signed paperback, my online store is open several
times a year here.
ONE
TESS
“YOUR FIANCÉ,” I repeated because no way. No fucking way was Scott
Sebastian—the man who’d assured me he was unattached, the man I’d
spent the last three weeks flirting with and fucking, the man that had
brought me coffee when I’d woken up this morning in his bed—engaged to
Kendra Montgomery.
But there he was, standing next to her looking as uncomfortable as I felt
as his eyes darted everywhere in an attempt to hide from mine. And there
she was with a ring the size of a Chapstick lid on her finger. Which was
why I didn’t put a question at the end of the statement because of course he
was her fiancé. Of fucking course.
“Surprise!” Kendra’s smile was overly bright. Like she was trying too
hard, and suddenly I decided this had to be some prank. That she’d found
out about me going behind her back to pitch to the Sebastians and this was
her way of revenge.
But then why was Scott letting her thread her arm through his like that?
She must have told him, and this was his revenge for my secrets. This
whole ruse was maybe even his idea.
Fuck. I probably deserved it.
No, I didn’t. This was a cruel, cruel joke.
“Are you serious right now?” As I spoke the words, I knew that she
was. Because Kendra Montgomery wouldn’t go to these lengths—involving
her parents, throwing a party—just to call me out.
She stopped trying to force the smile. “I should have said something to
you,” she said guiltily. “I know. And you can hate me later for that, I
promise. Right now, you can meet Scott.”
She peered up at her fiancé (her fucking fiancé) and gave him a smile
that was more genuine. “This is my assistant, Tess Turani.”
She seemed to expect a handshake, but I didn’t put mine out, and
neither did he.
“Tess and I have already…” he began, his brows furrowed, and I
realized he was about to tell her that we’d already met, a fact she should
have known if she’d actually sent me to pitch to his company in her place.
So he didn’t know about my deceit. And she didn’t either. Which meant
this was either all for real, or I was having the most horrifying nightmare of
my lifetime, and since the half-size-too-small shoes I’d stolen from
Kendra’s closet were currently pinching my toes with legit pain, I decided it
had to be real.
I was too shocked/mortified/betrayed to even try to jump in and rescue
myself.
Thankfully, he didn’t finish the thought. “Did you say assistant?” Scott
asked, zeroing in on my title with the attention to detail he’d displayed over
the last three weeks.
If the world opened up and swallowed me on the spot, it would have
been an improvement to the night.
“Probably not an apt title for her,” Kendra said. “I can’t do anything
without Tess. She keeps my head on straight.”
That could be the description of an employee who steps in to pitch to
heavy-hitter clients when the boss is out of town. Right?
Possibly. If Scott would accept that and let it drop, but as seemed to be
the current trend for my life, he didn’t. “It’s great that your business has
grown to the point that you can have someone help you present to clients.”
I didn’t know it was possible to feel smaller than I already did.
Kendra’s gaze went to the floor. “Oh. Well. She doesn’t pitch. Yet. We
keep talking about it.” When she brought her eyes back to mine, there was
an apology in them. Or a promise that she really had meant to give me that
opportunity, it just hadn’t been the right time, and all that other bullshit she
fed me whenever I asked her for a chance.
I was quickly remembering all the reasons I resented my friend turned
boss.
Scott appeared rightfully confused. “But you had her present to—”
“Let’s not talk business on such a happy occasion,” I said, rushing in.
So he knew now that I’d deceived him. And Kendra still didn’t. That didn’t
mean we needed to cause a scene by getting into it now.
Though a scene couldn’t make the moment any worse than it was now.
He was her fiancé.
I forced an expression that I hoped looked pleasant. “Congratulations to
both of you. It’s a hell of a surprise. Oh, there’s your father, K. I haven’t had
a chance to say hi to him yet, and I’m sure you have plenty more people to
greet, so I’ll just…”
I took off, letting my words trail away as I headed toward Martin
Montgomery. I didn’t know what I was going to say when I got to him.
There was a ball in the back of my throat, and the only thing I could
manage to think was he’s her fiancé over and over again in my head.
But he’d been my excuse for escape, and now that my feet were
walking toward him, I didn’t know how to change course. If I had any
control over thought in my head, I would have gone straight to my room
instead. Or, better yet, I would have called an Uber and gone home to die in
Teyana’s arms instead of at a fancy dinner party. I wouldn’t have cared if
Scott and Kendra were watching. I would have just run.
“Tess, I thought that was you.” Martin Montgomery gave me the same
fatherly hug that he always did when greeting me. “Kendra was quite
insistent that you come. In fact, you’re the only person she cared to invite
when we decided to throw this together this morning. Something about
needing you at her side.”
Even in my daze, that seemed strange. Kendra was sort of a lone wolf.
Sometimes, though our friendship had disintegrated since college, I had the
feeling I was still her closest friend. But she still had a socialite brand, and
she definitely had women in her circle who should have been invited to an
engagement announcement. Why was I number one on the list when she
hadn’t even bothered to tell me she was engaged?
It was almost as if she didn’t want anyone to know.
More likely, I was making too much out of it. It wasn’t something I
could properly think about at the moment. I needed air. I needed out.
“I’m grateful as always for your hospitality, Martin, and glad I could be
here for your daughter.” Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie. “I hope you don’t mind,
though. I’m feeling a bit under the weather suddenly, so if you’ll excuse
me, I’m headed to my room for Advil.” And to change because I wasn’t
wearing Vera Wang on the train back to NYC, and that was definitely where
I was headed next.
“Yes, of course. Sorry to hear that. Please let the staff know if there’s
anything they can get you.”
“Thank you. I appreciate that.” I was already moving away, my head
turned in his direction, which was why I didn’t notice the bulk of a man
standing in front of me until I’d bumped squarely into him. “Excuse me, I
wasn’t watching where I was going. Oh. Mr. Sebastian.”
I couldn’t decide if it was better or worse that this particular Sebastian
wasn’t Scott but rather his father.
“Henry,” he corrected, his voice as gruff as when I’d last seen him back
at Sebastian Industrial during the meeting to discuss his company
sponsoring the Dysautonomia Relief Foundation.
The meeting where I’d acted as though I had the authority to be
coordinating the sponsorship when I most certainly did not.
And I’d thought my evening couldn’t get any worse.
“Henry,” I conceded. “I apologize for bumping into you. I’m not feeling
well, and I was in a rush to get out.” I tried to step out of the way, but he
stepped with me.
“Now that Kendra’s back, I’m expecting she’ll take over the
negotiations,” he said as though I hadn’t just told him I was sick. What if
I’d needed to throw up? I wished I had to so I could puke all over his
Berluti Scritto shoes.
“We haven’t discussed it yet. I really don’t want to cloud the occasion
with talk of work.” Once again, I took a step to the side.
Once again, he blocked me. “When you do discuss it, I’m certain that
Kendra will come to the conclusion that clients as important as SIC deserve
to be handled by the top-tier talent.”
Ah. It was a threat. A subtle one, but a threat nonetheless. He’d been the
one obstacle to getting the sponsorship contract signed. Scott had promised
he’d come around, and that Henry was having this conversation at all
seemed to suggest that he would. If Kendra was the one handling the deal
and not me.
If I had any dignity, I would have stood up for myself.
But I was in no position to do so. And if there was any chance that the
DRF could still get the sponsorship, I had to play nice.
“I’m sure she’ll probably agree,” I said, which was more the truth than
he realized since I was definitely fired when Kendra discovered what I’d
done.
“If this foundation means anything to you, as I’m guessing it does since
you waxed on so passionately the other day, then she will agree.”
I’d understood the first time, but I managed to keep the bite out of my
tone. “I’ll discuss it with her first thing tomorrow.” On the phone from my
apartment in Jersey City.
“Excellent. We’re staying the night as well. Let me know if you’d like
me to pop in on the conversation.”
Goddammit all to hell, they were staying the night?
Kendra’s mother had said there weren’t any extra rooms available. It
made sense that the Montgomerys would suggest that their daughter’s
future in-laws stayed in Greenwich instead of heading back to the city so
late on a Saturday.
Which meant Scott was undoubtedly staying the night as well.
Which meant I had to stay the night too so I could actually talk to
Kendra about the DRF and what I’d done. If I wanted the sponsorship to
happen, anyway.
If it weren’t for Teyana, my best friend, I might have decided it wasn’t
worth it. But Tey was the whole reason I’d deceived everyone in the first
place. She had POTS, an autonomic disorder, and getting SIC to sponsor
the DRF in order to get more funding, research, and awareness of what my
friend went through on a daily basis was a high priority because of her. It
was personal.
“I’ll let you know if I need you,” I said, my voice tight. “Now, please, if
you’ll excuse me.” I’d stay the night, but I wasn’t staying at this fucking
party.
This time he let me step around him.
Only to be stopped by Kendra. Thankfully, she was no longer with
Scott.
“Please don’t be mad at me for not telling you,” she pleaded.
Honestly, with as little as she told me about her personal life these days,
I wasn’t all that surprised to discover she was getting married when I didn’t
even know she’d been seriously dating. In any other circumstances, I would
have probably rolled my eyes and said that figures.
But she was engaged to Scott. And though it wasn’t her fault for his
betrayal, I was mad at her all the same. And there were plenty of other
reasons to be mad at her, like for sending me on one ridiculous task to
another at her whim and treating me like I was less than her. Besides, being
angry gave me something to barter with tomorrow when she discovered she
had just as much (if not more) reason to be angry at me.
“This isn’t the best time to talk about it, K.” Like I had with Henry, I
moved to step around her.
And like Henry, she blocked my path. “Tess, please, please, please. I
can’t do this if you’re mad.”
“You can’t do what? Be social? Be engaged?” My voice had crept
louder than I’d meant it to. I pulled it down when I went on. “I think you’re
doing just fine on your own.”
I started around her, then changed my mind, suddenly needing to say
more. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Huh, maybe I was more hurt about being left out than I’d initially
thought.
“It just happened!”
“It just happened. Like today you woke up and decided ‘I’m getting
married, and oh yeah, I even have an engagement ring hidden in one of my
designer purses.’”
She made a sound of exasperation. “Okay, part of it happened a few
months ago, but today was the day I decided to say yes. I didn’t know if I
wanted to. That’s why I had to go away. To figure it all out.”
That didn’t help. Because even if Scott hadn’t been officially engaged
when he was with me, he certainly couldn’t have forgotten he’d proposed to
a woman not that long ago. A woman who he knew very well was my boss.
“You could have talked to me about it,” I said, trying to stay focused on
what her secrets said about my relationship with her rather than my
relationship with Scott. “I could have helped. You said you can’t do
anything without me. If you really relied on me like you pretend, you would
have explained what was going on.”
Nope. None of this was helping. I was just getting more mad.
Actually, it was helping me feel less guilty about my deceit. More
vindicated in going behind her back because fuck her.
And fuck Scott Sebastian.
This time when I stepped around her, she grabbed my arm. “Where are
you going? Are you leaving? Please don’t leave!”
At least she was aware enough to consider that was an option.
I almost changed my mind again and told her that I was.
But the DRF. But Tey.
“I’m leaving this conversation, and I’m leaving this party. I’m going
upstairs to take a bath and a handful of Advil. Anything more you want to
say can be said tomorrow.”
She seemed buoyed by the fact that I wasn’t leaving her house. “We can
talk tonight! I’ll come by your room after everyone’s gone.”
There was no way I had energy for this tonight.
“No way. Not tonight. I’m tired. I’ve had a long week. After my bath,
I’m going to bed.” Where I’d likely cry myself to sleep.
Her face fell, but she conceded. “Tomorrow then. I’m sorry. I’m really
sorry.”
I pulled away and beelined for the stairs, her final apology ringing in
my ears.
I believed her too.
But it wasn’t nearly enough to make me feel any less shattered. Tears
pricked at the corner of my eyes. Soon. I could let them fall soon. Just had
to get to…
A firm hand wrapped around my arm and dragged me into the butler’s
pantry. “We need to talk,” Scott said.
I was hurt. I was heartbroken. But my primary emotion at the sight of
him was rage. “You’re fucking engaged!” Despite the shot of warmth that
seared through my body at his touch, I pushed him off of me like he had a
disease.
“You’re her assistant,” he said with equal venom.
“Don’t even pretend like that’s the same level of deceit.” I recalled all
the times he’d specifically lied and saw now how he’d managed to step
around the truth at every turn. I am not currently obligated to anyone in any
way, he’d said the first night we were together. Has she ever mentioned me?
he’d asked when I’d asked how close he was to Kendra. There you go, he’d
said when I’d told him she barely spoke about him at all.
God, I was an idiot. Such a big fucking idiot.
“Some people would very much say it is the same level of deceit,” he
said, digging his heels in on the You Lied More claim. “They might even
say lying to get the support of a billion-dollar company is worse.”
When he put it that way, my lie was bad.
But for it to be worse, it meant that corporations came before people,
and I didn’t agree with that at all. “If you’re one of those people, you are
not who I thought you were.”
It hadn’t really bore saying. I obviously didn’t know him at all.
Or maybe it had borne saying because it made him clamp his mouth
shut and take on a guilty frown.
With his anger reined in, mine didn’t exactly dissipate, but it spread out
and thinned so that I could better feel what was underneath it—humiliation,
heartbreak, guilt.
“My lie is helping people.” I didn’t know if I was justifying to him or
myself.
“It’s helpful to sneak around behind your boss’s back? Kendra had no
idea we’d met, Tess. Why wouldn’t she know that you’re working with us?
And she said you never pitched.” His eyes flashed as he thought of
something. “Wait. If she doesn’t know about your pitch—Jesus, Tess, do
not tell me this isn’t a legit deal.”
If he was only considering this now, it had to mean he was feeling
thrown too. “It is legit! Of course it is. Your company is the one drawing up
the contracts. Anyone could be a liaison between you and the DRF. I could
have said I was from anywhere, and the deal would still be good. I only said
I was with Conscience Connect because it gave me credibility. Well, and
because I do actually work for CC, just not in that capacity.”
Now that I’d started, it all rushed out. “But I’ve been ready to pitch for a
long time, and no one knows the DRF like I do; at least, Kendra doesn’t. I
knew you would be a perfect fit with them, and I suggested she pitch to
you, but she didn’t want us to go to you for it. She wouldn’t even let me
suggest it without jumping all over me.”
“Because of me,” he said quietly, sinking back against the counter
behind him.
I sank against the counter opposite him. “Then she left town, and I met
Brett, and he told me you were looking for an organization to promote, and
I wasn’t looking for it, but I saw the opportunity to show what I could do
and to help the DRF. And if she kills it all…” I could explain everything to
her, and it might not help. She could decide she doesn’t care about keeping
face with the DRF. Now that I understood her relationship with SIC, there
was no way she was going to damage her relationship with them. Especially
not if she could pin all the wasted time and energy on an employee gone
rogue. “I really didn’t think this through.”
“I’ll take care of it.” It was the same voice he’d used in the conference
room when he’d assured me his dad would sign the contracts.
I’d been as dubious that he had the authority then as I was now. “You
can’t—”
He cut me off. “I can, and I will. The contracts will be signed. Kendra’s
business savvy enough not to fight it, and my father will get behind it. You
don’t need to worry. Whatever happens, I’ll make sure he does.”
I was still trying to make sense of his emphatic reassurance when he
went on. “It makes sense more than ever that I support it now.”
My heart sank with the reminder of why it made sense. “You’re
engaged.”
“Tess—” My name sounded as pained as I felt. Like he’d been shot with
an arrow in the chest, and it was the sound he made as he went down.
Before he could go on, a woman I only recognized from my earlier
internet stalking poked her head into the pantry. “There you are. The
photographer wants to get a shot of you and Kendra together.”
Scott’s mother eyed me with a look that said she suspected we’d been
fooling around. “Really, Scott? Tonight?”
She almost made it sound like any other night she caught him cheating
on his new fiancée would have been fine. It might have been humorous if
the mood wasn’t so dire.
He straightened, then looked at his mother as if to say give me another
minute. When she didn’t leave, he sighed and looked at me. “This isn’t
over, Tess.”
I waited a beat after he left. Not because I cared if anyone saw us
coming out of the pantry together because really, I couldn’t give a fuck. I
waited because the rage had left when he had, and now I was crippled with
the impulse to fall to the ground and weep.
Somehow I managed to stay standing.
Somehow I managed to slip out and make my way to the stairs.
Somehow I managed to make it to my room where I shut my door, put
my back against it, sank to the floor, and sobbed.
TWO
SCOTT
THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING.
I repeated the phrase over and over in my head as I followed my mother
weaving through the crowd. There was no way any of this was happening.
Soon I would wake up in my bed back in my apartment, Tessa at my side,
and all of this would have been a nightmare.
Except it wasn’t a nightmare.
This really was my life. I really was in this fucking situation. I really
was being drawn away from the woman that I most very definitely was
falling for to go take pictures with my fiancée, a woman I most very
definitely had not fallen for (and never would). And since the whole
Montgomery dinner party—there were way too many people to be called a
small gathering—had been thrust upon me with no notice, there was
nothing I could do about it but smile and nod and pray that there was a
chance that none of this was actually happening.
I really needed a drink.
I eyed a tray of champagne as a waiter approached, but before I could
grab a glass, my mother pulled me down a hallway and into a powder room,
shutting the door behind us.
“What the hell are you doing?” she asked, her brow furrowed as much
as it could in its Botoxed state. It was her mad look, but only those closest
to Margo Leahy Sebastian could identify it as such. To the rest of the world,
I was sure she looked as polished and serene as always—her long (dyed)
blonde hair perfectly coiffed, her (appropriately shaded) lipstick appearing
as if it were just applied, her (plastically tightened) neck stretched high. No
one would have any idea she was seething.
But I did.
Making my mother angry wasn’t a new thing for me. It didn’t even
bother me anymore except that it was annoying. Particularly when I was
already doing everything she and my father wanted me to do. I’d even
driven out to the fucking country for tonight’s event without question, a
mistake I sorely regretted at the moment. What else did she fucking want
from me?
And why were we discussing it in the bathroom?
The seclusion meant I could unleash on her the way I’d wanted to since
I first saw Kendra wearing the ring when I’d arrived, but I knew from
experience it wasn’t worth it. Best to just oblige my mother and get it over
with. “I thought you needed me for pics.”
“There are no pictures. There’s not even a photographer. I was rescuing
you from yourself.”
My patience was gone. “I’m not in the mood for your riddles, Mom.
What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Huddling in the pantry with a servant girl? Tonight of all nights.”
“Hold up.” I was more than annoyed now. I was bordering on livid.
“First of all, Tess is not a servant—not that that fucking matters—but let’s
get facts straight. She works with Kendra.”
For Kendra, rather. Which didn’t matter either. Her explanation as to
why she’d pretended she had a higher position in the company than she did
made sense. I knew better than anyone the tricks a person had to play, the
deals they had to make, to get anywhere in this world. Still, it stung that I
was the one who had been played.
It didn’t mean there wasn’t something real between us. There had to be.
I felt it. There was no way it was one-sided.
“Of course she works for Kendra,” my mother said with an air of
disgust.
Definitely livid now. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Here’s some advice, Scott.” She reached out to straighten my tie,
though it didn’t need straightening. “Keep your philandering away from
your household. Much easier to keep it quiet that way, and no matter how
your wife feels about you bedding other women, I guarantee she won’t
appreciate you messing with her other relationships. You can have your
sidepiece. On the side. Definitely not at your engagement announcement.”
And that was the second of all.
I swiped her hand away from my chest. “When did tonight turn into a
fucking engagement announcement?” Her text had said dinner with the
Montgomery family. That was all. I’d found the message waiting as soon as
I’d checked my phone that morning, which hadn’t been until Tess had left.
Ah. This was why she’d hurried out, I realized now. Though, I had no
idea why Kendra had needed Tess here unless she had somehow known it
would torture me, which was probably not the reason she’d brought her.
Then again, when it came down to it, I knew very little about my wifeto-be and even less about her motives.
No, not my wife-to-be.
But she was wearing that ring.
Fuck! This can’t be how this happens.
“I told you who would be here. What did you expect? As soon as she
was in public for the first time with that ring on, it was an announcement.
Not officially, of course. We’ll have an official party later to make it formal,
not out of necessity. The guests tonight are close family friends of the
Montgomerys, so they may keep it hush for a bit, but the news is out now.
It’s going to leak. You know how PR works.”
Yeah, I definitely knew how PR worked. I was already trying to figure
out how the fuck I could bury the news before it got out because this
engagement was not fucking happening.
With the uncanny way she had, my mother read my mind. “It’s already
happened, Scott. You agreed to this.”
That was before.
Now, my life had been turned upside down, and if there was any
fairness in this world, it should have made anything I’d agreed to previously
null and void.
But I knew that wasn’t how the world worked. Not even for a Sebastian.
Especially not for a Sebastian.
IT FELT like hours until the guests had left for the night. My parents had
retired before that, which was probably all well and good since I didn’t have
the energy for them. What I needed was that drink I’d been after all
evening.
Actually, what I needed was to talk to Tess.
But first, I had to talk to Kendra, and that would definitely require
alcohol.
I found the caterers in the butler’s pantry dumping out glasses of
champagne. I snagged one and poured it back, then guzzled down one more
before heading out to find Kendra.
I found her leaning against the sofa, rolling her head from side to side as
though this evening had been as hard on her as it had on me. I wasn’t
willing to believe that could possibly be the case.
Behind her, Leila Montgomery was managing the caterer’s clean-up
duties in that kind yet still overbearing way that she had. Martin was
outside with a cigar. The rain had let up, but he clung to the windows,
suggesting the air was still damp and cold.
If I hadn’t met Tess, would I have been out there with him, bonding?
I shuddered at the thought.
I had no interest in bonding with the Montgomerys because there was
no way in hell they were going to be my family. Why had I ever thought
that was the life I wanted? I could barely remember the man I’d been when
I’d made that choice.
The man who I was now had to get myself out of it. “We need to talk.”
Kendra looked up at me with weary eyes. She hesitated a handful of
seconds before sighing. “Okay, we can talk in my room.”
I would have preferred not to talk there, but I realized our options were
probably slim if I didn’t want the conversation to be overheard. While the
guests had gone, the house was still full with the clean-up crew and
Kendra’s parents and the three live-in students they were housing from
China.
“Fine,” I said, loosening my tie even though I was sure it wasn’t the
reason I felt like I was choking. “Lead the way.”
I’d only been to the Montgomerys’ house once before and never beyond
the main floor. At the top of the staircase, I followed as she turned right but
glanced down the hallway behind me, wondering which bedrooms were
down there.
Correction, wondering which bedroom was Tessa’s.
“Your parents are here,” Kendra said as we passed a closed door. “In
case you wanted to know.”
I didn’t, but that was helpful.
We passed one more closed door before she came to one that she
opened. She went straight for her bed, where she sat down in a heap and
looked at me expectantly.
I shut the door behind me and didn’t bother looking for a place to sit
before launching in. “What the fuck, Kendra?”
“What?” She seemed as irritated with me as I had been when my mother
had thrown the question at me earlier.
Fuck her. She had no right to be irritated. I was the one with that right at
the moment. “Don’t you dare act like you don’t know what I’m talking
about. You just show up out of nowhere and tell the world we’re engaged
without even a conversation with me? Doesn’t that seem a little
presumptuous?”
She gave me a pointed look. “Because we are engaged. Did you
forget?”
Actually, we weren’t. Not the last time we spoke. “What I remember is
you leaving the discussion saying you needed time to decide.”
“And now I’ve decided.” She turned her head so she could take out her
earring, the large stone that backed up her engagement claim catching in the
room’s light.
That fucking ring. It was so big it was gaudy. Leave it to my mother to
select something so pretentious.
I ran my hand over my face and forced myself to speak more calmly
than I felt. “That was three fucking months ago.” All right, it was barely
calmer, but I felt pretty fucking enraged. At least my volume was
controlled. “You left without a word. And when I reached out a couple
weeks ago to ask what the fuck, you not only didn’t respond, but you flat
out disappeared.”
She threw her hands out in frustration. “Because I needed time to
decide! Without any pressure!”
“Don’t pretend like I pressured you at all.” Maybe my parents had, but
she didn’t get to play the pressured card. She’d had way more choice in the
matter than I’d had.
She slammed her earrings on the bedside table and gave me a look that
said I was being awfully dumb. “Just your existence was pressure. Any
mention of the Sebastian name—and the Sebastian name is everywhere in
New York City—and all I could think about was this looming, life-changing
decision I had to make. It was suffocating, Scott. I had to go someplace off
the map, cut off from everything and everyone in order to be able to even
think clearly.”
I was well aware of how hard it was to run from the Sebastian name.
Still, I couldn’t help but think her response to what had been presented
to her as the opportunity of a lifetime was both over-the-top and spoiled.
Which was neither here nor there and not what I wanted to be mad
about, and I definitely wanted to be mad. “So you had to decide, fine. But
you should have talked to me about it when you did decide so that I knew
what tonight was going to be when I got the invite—excuse me, the
command—to show up here. I walked in blind, Kendra. You wearing the
ring, flashing it for everyone. Introducing me to your employees and friends
as your fiancé. I didn’t even get the invite from you. I heard from my
fucking mother. What the hell?”
She shrugged. “Technically, she’s the one who proposed.”
“That’s not the fucking point.” My voice was barely restrained. I was
barely restrained. I wanted to smash my hand through the wall. Or throw
something. Preferably, that ostentatious ring. Bonus if Kendra was still
wearing it when I did.
My rage must have been evident because Kendra actually looked sorry.
“Look. I don’t know what the big deal is. Your family made an offer, one
that you seemed to be fully behind at the time, and now I’ve accepted it.
Your parents sure seemed happy that I did. I didn’t realize there had to be a
big to-do between me and you about it. What does it even matter? We
already said we’re going to fuck who we want in our marriage, and I can’t
think of anything else this partnership would affect, so why does this
change anything?”
“It just does.” She had every right to be confused. I was confused as
well. It wasn’t as if I had ever thought I’d end up with someone I loved.
Shit, I didn’t even know what love was. And with the agreement that we
could fuck who we wanted, there really wasn’t any reason why getting
married would affect my current lifestyle.
That had been my thought back when I’d agreed to the whole thing
anyway.
Now, though, there was Tess.
“Hold on. Are you having second thoughts?” Kendra’s expression said
she hadn’t even considered that as a possibility.
The smart answer was to say no. The smart course of action was to stick
to the agreement. It was definitely not smart to throw away my life plans for
a woman I’d only known for three weeks.
“Yes, actually. I am.” So fuck being smart. It was honest.
Her brows creased in. “But what about—”
“I know,” I cut her off. “I know what’s on the fucking line. I don’t need
the reminder.” I got it enough from my parents on a daily basis. I didn’t
need it from my wife-to-be as well.
Potential wife-to-be.
Even adding the qualifier didn’t make the term any less nauseating.
Fortunately, Kendra was more understanding now that I’d admitted I
was rethinking our agreement. “Okay. What do you need?”
I needed to get my head on straight, was what I needed. I needed to
clear my mind of romantic notions that were obviously based in lust. I
needed to stop being so stupid.
I needed to stop thinking that thing I needed was Tess.
“I need time,” I said, echoing what Kendra had said the day my parents
had first proposed the idea of our union. Not that time would change the
situation, but I couldn’t discuss it anymore with her tonight. She couldn’t
fix what I needed her to fix even if I did.
I wasn’t sure anyone could.
“Where’s my room?” I asked, suddenly exhausted.
“We’re both in here,” she said, standing.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Only now did I spot my suitcase across
the room, on the other side of the bed. The butler had taken it when I’d
arrived. I’d assumed he’d taken it to my own room. It wasn’t like Kendra
and I needed to keep up pretenses for anyone in the household. Her parents
knew as well as mine it was a marriage of convenience, not attraction. Why
on earth had we been put together?
“You don’t need to be so disgusted,” she said, wriggling out of her
dress. “We’ve fucked before, or was that as easy to forget as our
engagement?”
“Under totally different circumstances. We aren’t even friends, Kendra.”
I kept my eyes on hers, even though she was stripped down to her
underwear. It wasn’t that she didn’t have a nice body—she did—and the
night we’d spent together had been fine enough. Just, I wasn’t interested.
“I’m not sleeping with you.”
“Well, there are no rooms,” she said, grabbing a pair of pajama shorts
from a dresser drawer and slamming it shut. “The Uyghur triplets have the
rooms in the opposite wing. Then your parents and Tess; this is the only
room left.”
So Tess was in this wing. The closed door we’d passed. My spine
tingled with the knowledge, like an antenna receiving an incoming message
or the buzz of an appliance when it was plugged in.
I didn’t bother getting my suitcase. There was really nothing I needed in
it. I left Kendra’s room, telling her, “I’ll sleep on a couch.”
I had absolutely no intention of sleeping on a couch.
THREE
TESS
“SERIOUSLY?” I said out loud to the empty room when the knock came on
my door. I’d been lying on the bed with a washcloth over my eyes, hoping
to minimize any signs of crying, but I’d still been aware of the activity
below.
Or rather, the lack of activity.
The front door had stopped opening and shutting. There hadn’t been the
sound of voices from outside or engines starting for almost twenty minutes.
The party was obviously over.
Which meant that Kendra was now free to ignore my plea to wait until
tomorrow and was instead knocking on my door.
Typical.
At least she hadn’t just barged in, which would also have been typical.
With a sigh, I threw the washcloth aside and heaved myself off of the
bed, straightening the slip dress that I hadn’t had the energy to change out
of as I stood. Then I padded over to the door and forced a smile as I opened
it.
“Kendra, I really don’t—” My smile dropped as soon as I saw that it
wasn’t my boss standing there but rather my lover.
My fucking engaged lover.
“No, no, no, no.” I started to shut the door, but he wedged his shoulder
and a shoe in before I could get it closed.
“Just hear me out,” he said softly. Pleading.
The me that had last spoken to him would have let him in right away,
not because that me wanted to hear what he had to say, but because she
desperately wanted him to understand why she had made that pitch when
she hadn’t been authorized.
The last two hours of solitude, though, had given me time to reprioritize
my emotions. Yes, I still cared first and foremost for the DRF—well, at
least that’s what I was telling myself—but now I was less worried about the
lie I’d told and more pissed about the lie Scott had told.
I was almost as pissed at him as I was at myself for having fallen for yet
another player’s game.
And while it would certainly feel good to go off on him in the way that I
so keenly desired to go off on him, I’d decided the better choice was to have
nothing to do with him at all. For the DRF’s sake, but mine as well.
And after I confessed what I’d done to Kendra tomorrow, I wouldn’t
have to have anything to do with him. She’d take over negotiations, or
she’d kill the whole thing. Either way, I wouldn’t have to talk to Scott
Sebastian ever again.
Except that here he was, insistently trying to wheedle his way into my
room.
“There’s nothing for you to say, Scott. Go away. You’re making a
scene.” He wasn’t, really, but I was astutely aware of Kendra’s bedroom
just down the hall.
“I’m not leaving until you let me talk.” He was stronger than me and
had already worked more of his leg in without even trying.
Goddammit.
If I didn’t let him in, this would turn into a scene.
I swung the door open, so abruptly that he tripped as he came in. I
stifled a chuckle. Served him right. He still looked debonair despite his
bobbling entrance and the loose tie around his neck.
Fuck, he was hot. Stupid hot. As always.
I took a step back—as if a handful of inches could diminish his effect on
me—and crossed my arms protectively over my chest. “Speak.”
He started to move forward, and I took another step back, my hand
flying out to stop him. “Nope. This is my space. Do not invade. You can say
what you need to say from there.”
I probably should have established these kinds of boundaries with him
from day one. Better late than never.
His mouth was a straight line, but the pinch of his forehead between his
brows gave away his frustration. “Fine. I’ll stay here.”
It was a meager win, yet the victory made me drunk enough to push for
another. “And when you’ve said your piece, you leave.”
“Sure,” he said flatly. “If you let me explain then I’ll do whatever you
want me to do.”
I was sure there was a catch, beyond the catch that just allowing him in
my presence was dangerous, but it was the best bet I had at getting him to
go away.
My arms back over my chest, I cocked my hip. “Well?”
Now that he had my attention, he seemed not to know what to do with
it. He ran a hand over his face, then shifted his weight from one foot to the
other. “It’s not what you think,” he said finally.
“Oh, no.” Fuck, no. “We’re not having a conversation where you deliver
all the stereotypical bullshit that you think you should say when you’ve
been caught playing a girl. That’s a waste of my time, and I’ve already
given you more than you deserve.”
He frowned. “That...that hurts. But fair.”
“Fuck your hurt.” Especially fuck his hurt because his expression
tugged at my chest and made me want to wrap my arms around him, which
was definitely not something I should be doing ever again.
It’s a tactic, I reminded myself. He knows how to give good game. So
good, I could never possibly win.
The only solution was to stop playing. I looked him square in the eye
for the first time since he’d come to my room, pretending I was bolder than
I felt. “Now do you have anything worth listening to, or are you ready to
leave?”
“I…” His face changed. “Have you been crying?”
Goddammit.
“No.” More false bravado on my part.
His shoulders drooped. “Tessa, I’m sorry,” he said, starting a step
toward me then rethinking it. “I hate that I’ve made you cry.”
And I hated that he knew I had.
But also I hated that he automatically assumed he was responsible,
which of course he was, and mostly I hated that I’d even cried in the first
place.
If I didn’t turn that hate into anger, I’d start crying again in front of him.
“Fuck off. Who said I was even crying over you? I have more important
things on the line here than a dumb boy.”
Mentally, I told myself to listen to my words.
“The foundation. Of course.” It was almost worth it to hear smallness in
his voice. Like it probably wasn’t the first time he’d had to confront the
idea that the world didn’t revolve around him, but it was a notion that was
embarrassingly difficult for him to grasp.
Then he was back to his assured self. “I’ll take care of it. I promise.”
“And my job.”
“I’ll take care of that too.”
“God, I don’t want your—” Pity/privilege/help. I wanted him to realize
that even his mega last name couldn’t fix everything.
But I didn’t actually know that was true.
And I couldn’t turn his help away. Because of the foundation. If I had to
accept that help at the moment, though, I definitely would cry.
“I don’t want to talk about that right now, please.” Please? Like he
deserves manners. “And I’m guessing that isn’t what you came here to talk
about either.”
“No, it’s not. I’m just having a hard time figuring out where to start with
the rest.”
Watching him struggle wasn’t helping me either. “Let me help you—
you’re engaged. You fucked around on your fiancée like the player that I
knew you were from day one. I should have known better. And no, I won’t
tell Kendra, but only because I want to be through with this whole fuckedup situation, not because I have any desire to protect your stupid ass. There.
No speech needed, and you can go.”
I sounded exhausted and resigned because I was, and I needed him to
leave so I could sleep it off and deal with this whole fiasco tomorrow.
“It’s not a real engagement,” he said bluntly. He let that sit for a second,
seeming to realize it was a bomb that needed time to fully explode. “And
you can tell Kendra anything you want because it’s not a real relationship.”
I quelled the hope leaping in my chest, reminding myself that he was as
smooth as satin. “Well, that’s a line I haven’t heard before.”
“It’s not a line.” Shifting his weight, he let out a frustrated huff. “Listen,
remember how I told you I wanted to get out of PR? I’ve been bugging my
dad about it for years. I know the job. I’m good at the job. But I’m sick and
tired of covering up all his scandals. It’s not fun. It makes me feel like shit.”
“Skip the emotional stuff. I don’t care about your feelings.” No way was
I going to feel sympathy for him.
“Anyway, I was over it. So finally, I asked him what I had to do to get
moved to another division. I’d even settle for consumer goods. Whatever to
get out of PR. He said I had to get married. Suitably married. He’d give me
a seat on the board, too, if I let my parents pick the bride.”
Uh... “And you agreed to that?”
“I. Well. Yes. I had no reason not to.”
That stung for some reason. Maybe simply because he looked as though
he’d expected it to sting. Or maybe because it solidified what I already
knew—that rich men cared about the world differently than not-rich
women.
He rushed to expand. “I’m thirty-five years old, Tess. I’ve never had a
relationship that I wanted to be more than casual. Or I hadn’t back then. I’d
never expected to end up in a marriage based on love. It seemed like it was
probably the right time.”
I ignored his effort to change the tense of what he’d wanted in a
relationship. “So Kendra…”
“So my mother has known the Montgomerys for years and has had her
eye on Kendra for a long time. She checked all her boxes—came from the
right background, had the right kind of education and job, moved around in
the right circles. We sat down with her, talked about it. Made sure she
agreed that there was no expectation of monogamy.”
He emphasized the last line, obviously wanting the fact to be clear.
It meant little to me. Engaged was engaged. “And she said yes. I don’t
know what your definition of real is because that sounds like a real
engagement to me.”
“That’s just it—she didn’t say yes. She said she needed time to think
about it. Then she ghosted. That was three fucking months ago. The next
time I had any contact with her was tonight, when I showed up here, and
she was wearing the stupid ring my mother had given her. No one told me
she’d agreed. I was as blindsided as you.”
It was a hell of a story.
I let it sink in, examining the parts so I could appreciate the whole.
Kendra ghosting for three months. Yeah, that sounded like her.
Spontaneously showing up like she’d been there the whole time was on par
as well. “That’s really fucked up.”
“Tell me about it.” He sounded more relieved than I liked.
He didn’t get to be relieved. Not when I was still tied up in knots. “Her
showing up out of nowhere is fucked up—and no, I don’t agree you were as
blindsided as I was, because I was the one completely in the dark—but also
the whole thing is fucked up, Scott. An arranged marriage? That’s the stuff
of fiction, not real life.”
“It’s my real life.”
Oh, no. There it was. The urge to feel sorry for him.
I threw my head back and covered my mouth with my hands, as if that
could suffocate the feelings inside before they became anything.
But they were already there, alive and beating against my chest like the
djembe drummers at the Times Square subway station.
“Why didn’t you just tell me?” And what would have changed if he
had? Would I have resisted the pull between us? Would I have said, hey,
open relationship means open bed?
The look Scott gave me said he also saw the futility. “What was I
supposed to say? I’m really into you, and oh, by the way, I might be
engaged to your boss except not really because if she ever shows up again,
I’m going to tell her the deal’s off, and yeah, I must be fucking crazy
because I’m throwing away my life’s ambitions for a girl I’ve only known
for three weeks.”
My breath stuttered as tiny fireworks went off in my chest.
Nope, nope, nope. I wasn’t special. I couldn’t be special. “There’s really
nothing between you and Kendra?”
“Nothing.”
“You told me you’d fucked her.”
“Two years ago when we were both tipsy at a party. I’ve hardly spoken
to her since.”
Whoa. There was something in the world that belonged more to me than
to Kendra Montgomery. And it was Scott Sebastian. Her fiancé.
I sank down on the floor and leaned my back against the bed.
It would have been easier if he were simply a cheater. It would be easier
to hate him. I’d feel played, and that would be heartbreaking, but that was a
wound I was used to. I knew the steps to recovery.
Feeling wanted, now that was something I had very little experience
with.
I peered up at him. He was devastating with his blue eyes and beardy
face and pouty lips. Beyond his ridiculously hot looks and his on-point
charm, was there something there? My gut said so. As annoying as his
interruptions had been in my pitch meetings, he’d always had the most
thoughtful comments, showing snippets of what must be a complicated and
fascinating mind.
And the way he’d been with Teyana at the opera, saying and doing the
right thing for her without smothering or domineering like so many other
men had done.
And how he let me glimpse moments of vulnerability when he talked
about his father and being stuck in his job.
I’d only seen the trailer for Scott Sebastian, but I was already sure I’d
love the whole film.
“Are you really thinking about throwing it all away?” It came out
tentative and wistful and also a bit incredulous. Because it was a stupid
thing for him to consider for a girl he’d just met, and I was scared that he
meant it.
But also, I wished that he did. And that scared me too.
He slid down the door until he was on the floor, the same way I had
when I’d come to the room to cry, except instead of curling up in a ball, he
bent one knee and stretched the other long leg out in front of him so that all
I’d have to do was lean forward and I could touch the sole of his designer
dress shoe. “At least,” he said after thoughtful consideration, “put it on
pause.”
Well, that was more reasonable. And vague. And still the only thing I
wanted to know was, “Because of me?”
He nodded.
“We don’t even know what this is.” And what were we even talking
about? He’d put off his engagement and we’d...what? We barely knew each
other.
But he knew me better than Kendra.
“I know I can’t keep my hands off of you,” he said.
“And that might be all it is.”
“Or it could be more. I’ve never wanted to find out before.”
My stupid heart did a backflip. “And now you do.”
“Yes. I want to see. If you’ll let me.”
The enormity of his statement pushed my eyes to study the floor. Those
weren’t player words. They were actually the opposite of player words.
Most men I fell for were all, This isn’t serious. It’s all just fun. Don’t you
dare try to wonder what else we could be.
I’d never once heard one of them say, Let’s see.
Immediately, I found ways to diminish what he was saying. He’d never
wanted more than casual before because he hadn’t heard the ticking of the
clock. This most likely had nothing to do with me. It would have been
whomever he happened to bed next. This was about feeling trapped.
Though he did say the engagement discussion happened three months
ago. Surely there had been other women between then and me.
I lifted my head again. As soon as our eyes caught, there it was—the
blaze of desire, as instant and intense as a lit match meeting gas. His pupils
darkened. A hum began low in my belly, ancient and primal in tone.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he said, his gaze penetrating.
“I’m an idiot.”
“For getting involved with me?”
“For that, and for still being...affected by you.” We both knew affected
was code for turned-on. “When she’s down the hall. How fucked up is
that?”
I didn’t think it was possible, but his eyes went even darker. “That
doesn’t make you fucked up or an idiot. You feel that way because you’re a
kinky goddess. One of the reasons I’m so affected by you.”
Yep, fire. He and I sharing space always ended up with us in flames.
I jumped to my feet. “You should go.”
He rose slowly, somehow managing to be closer to me than before when
he was standing. “Okay. I said I would.”
“You did.” I couldn’t tell if he’d stepped forward or if I had.
“Do you want me to?”
I nodded. Emphatically. “No.”
Flame drawn to flame, his lips crashed into mine, eager and greedy and
out of control. There was very little foreplay. We’d already done that with
our eyes and our words and our being in the same room. It already felt too
long since we’d touched. Too long since I’d felt whole and perfect, his cock
filling the parts of me that now felt achingly empty. We weren’t wasting
another minute before he was inside me again.
“Fuck, your ass,” he said, my dress around my waist, his hands wrapped
around me and stuck down my panties to grab my cheeks. Whatever else he
wanted to say about it was swallowed in a molten-hot kiss. The stiff rod
grinding against my belly told me it was a fair guess that my ass made him
hot.
I gave up on undoing his shirt buttons and moved to work on his belt.
As soon as he was unfastened enough to get down his pants, I stroked my
hand inside his boxer briefs, desperate to feel the hot column of flesh. Just
touching the smooth skin with my palm made my pussy throb and weep and
need, need, need.
Abruptly, Scott broke away. “Turn around.” He was already turning me.
When I was facing the bed, he reached both arms around and plumped my
breasts through the dress. My nipples turned into sharp darts as he pinched
them between his fingertips. (Hallelujah for tits that could handle going
braless!) Then, he tugged the silky material down so that he could touch me
skin-to-skin as he rutted against my backside.
I glanced down to watch as he roughly fondled my tits like they were
melon-sized stress balls, designed to be squeezed and toyed with and
handled. When I whimpered, he growled then pushed between my shoulder
blades, bending me over until my forearms hit the mattress.
I next felt his hands at my hips where his fingers hooked into my
panties. Wriggling, I helped him pull them down. A rustle of fabric
afterward, and I was sure his own pants were down, his cock free. I lifted
my ass and spread my legs, making room for him, inviting him into my
aching pussy.
His fingers came first. Two solid digits sawing in and out of me.
“You’re dripping, Tessa. All for me?”
“Yes.”
“How long have you been wet like this for me? All night? Before you
knew the truth or after?”
Oh, God. “Before. All night.” From the moment I saw him at another
woman’s side. Didn’t matter if he was unavailable, as long as he was in the
room, my body was tuned in and turned on.
“Me too, baby. As soon as I turned and saw you in this fuck-tight dress.
Your tits pressing against that thin fabric like they wanted to be seen. Your
bare neck... I wanted to decorate it white.”
If he kept talking dirty to me like this, I was going to be done before he
even got in me. And I really needed him to be in me, and not just with his
fingers.
“Give me what I really want,” I begged, contradicting my words by
chasing his hand as it pulled away because hey, anything was better than
being empty.
“What is that?”
“You.”
“Me, how? Another finger?” Two fingers became three, not nearly an
adequate substitution for the thickness of his cock.
I wouldn’t get it until I asked for it. Those were the rules. I knew that
about him. “I want your cock. I want you to fuck me.”
“Good girl. I want that too.”
The praise brought relief because I knew that what would follow would
be reward. His fingers pushed in again, then dragged out slowly until they
were completely gone. They reappeared in front of my face, a silent
command to suck him clean, which I did eagerly, my body shuddering as he
moaned. Behind me, I could feel his shaft jerk against my upper thigh,
teasing me with pleasure yet to come.
Any second I would feel him there. The nudge of his head against my
hole. Any second. Any...
“Fuck!” he said. An exasperated curse, not the I’m-so-fucking-into-this
kind. “No condom.”
I delighted a tiny bit in the fact that he hadn’t seen this coming, that he
most likely hadn’t brought one at all this weekend, which meant he hadn’t
been planning to fuck Kendra before I’d shown up either.
But the delight was short-lived because fuck. No condom.
I was on birth control. I could tell him. He could swear he was clean,
and I’d believe him like a horny-ass dope and deal with the consequences
later.
“The nightstand!” I exclaimed, remembering suddenly where we were.
“Leila keeps each room stocked.” Along with a copy of the Holy Bible.
Benefit of Kendra coming from a family of social activists that pushed for
things like sex education and free birth control and the end to STDs spread
all in Jesus’s name.
The sound of a drawer opening and closing, followed by the rip of foil,
and then finally, he shoved himself in, and Lord almighty, it was divine.
Divinity in the form of rapid-fire thrusts, I decided, was my new
favorite form of worship. I could practically hear the angels singing. Hell, I
was singing with them, gasping and crying out as Scott drilled into me.
I was mindless.
Not so mindless that I wasn’t conscious of my volume. Fully aware that
Kendra’s room was close by, I tried to be quiet. But a little bit I didn’t try,
too, because maybe if she heard us that would be all right. Or even more
than all right.
Fuck, what was wrong with me?
“This feels like cheating,” I panted, my breasts jiggling with the force of
Scott’s thrusts.
“That’s why it’s so hot.”
He bit the top of my shoulder, and that was hot too, but he was right. A
lot of the current hot factor was that we were fucking while his fiancée/notfiancée slept unawares down the hall.
Kink. E.
Super kinky.
A twinge of moral guilt interrupted my building orgasm. “But tell me
again that it’s not?”
His mouth now was at my ear, his body completely bent over mine,
smothering and comforting me all at once. “Is that really what you want to
hear me say right now?”
No, it wasn’t. Because a part of me wanted to believe that this was
wrong, that we were wrong, because that was exciting and sexy but also
because it was maybe a little bit the truth.
All it took after that was Scott’s arm snaked around my waist and the
press of his thumb against my clit, and I detonated like a bomb, clenching
and coming and making a mess all over his magnificent cock.
His other hand flew to my mouth to cover my cry. “Fuck, Tessa.” And
then his thrusts stuttered and slowed and then stilled as he grunted out his
own release.
By the time my knees felt like they wouldn’t collapse if I tried to stand,
shame began to settle.
Which was when Scott tugged me up and turned me into him. “It’s not
cheating. Because I’m not engaged. I’m going to fix it.”
A shaky breath in and the shame became less overwhelming. A shaky
breath out, and I almost believed him.
I liked believing him. If he held me all night, if he fucked me every time
we woke, I wondered if I could believe him completely by the time the sun
rose or if the light of day would expose the idea of us as a lie.
I had a better shot at the former if I was in his arms.
Lifting my mouth, I pressed a kiss against his chin. “Will you stay?”
I was nervous about the answer. He couldn’t say yes if his relationship
with Kendra was more than he’d let on. But he could say no, and it
wouldn’t mean he’d lied. It could simply mean that he was in a house with
his parents, his fiancée, and her parents, and that he had some sense of
decorum.
“I shouldn’t,” he said, brushing his lips against mine. “But I will. It’s
either stay or sleep on the couch. Because, apparently, I was assigned a
room with Kendra.”
Assigned to room with her because everyone assumed they’d be fucking
because the two of them were fucking engaged.
Reality came swiftly barreling toward me, and I pulled out of his arms.
“Fuck, Scott. I can’t do sharing. I know that’s a lot to ask when we’re just
feeling things out, but—”
“Hey.” He pulled me back to him, placing a single finger on my lips to
shush me up. “I’m not interested in anyone but you, Tessa. I haven’t
touched another woman since I laid eyes on you, and I have absolutely no
intent to while we figure this out. And neither will you.”
“You’re right. I won’t touch another woman either.” I grinned against
his finger. It smelled like me, and another wave of shame and arousal rolled
over me.
“Well. If you do, just invite me to the party.”
I sobered. “No other men for me, Scott. Just you.”
“Just you.”
Why did it feel like we were taking vows? Maybe because I recognized
that they were probably the most earnest words he’d ever said to a woman.
“Then you’ll stay. Can’t figure out anything with you on the couch.” I
kissed him in that way that told him we wouldn’t be sleeping any time soon
and ignored the dreadful feeling that we weren’t the ones in control of
figuring anything out at all.
FOUR
SCOTT
I INCHED the door closed slowly, slowly, slowly, careful so that the click
wouldn’t disturb anyone if they were awake at this ungodly hour. Me, I’d
rather be sleeping. Preferably next to the gorgeous, warm body I’d just left,
but I also had some degree of decorum, and sleeping in another woman’s
bedroom in my soon-to-be-(not) in-laws’ house seemed like something I
should keep on the downlow until things were appropriately sorted.
So sneaking out at the crack of dawn it was.
Turned out the sneaking didn’t matter. As soon as the door latched, I
looked up to find my father in his dressing robe standing outside my
parents’ bedroom, a decided scowl on his face. He’d always been a fitful
sleeper, prone to wandering the house in the early morning.
But the odds of him being in that exact spot at this particular moment...
Come on, really?
The question would have been directed at God if I didn’t truly believe
that any deity that possibly existed was on the Sebastian payroll. Too much
fell in their favor to not have a higher power on their side.
My side.
Most days it felt more like his side. My father’s side. I was just another
one of the army of pawns he shuffled around at his whim.
I was just another one of a hundred minions trying to win his esteem.
Made no difference that I shared his DNA, he still made me work for it.
Honestly, he might have made me work harder.
The instinct to please him was so innate, my initial thought was to
cover. Tell him I’d been wandering myself and accidentally went in the
wrong room. Maybe he didn’t even know which room I was supposed to be
in.
Not likely. Very little escaped Henry Sebastian’s notice. It was one of
his gifts.
Well, fuck him. He could disapprove all he wanted, that hypocrite. He
was openly unfaithful to his wife. And I wasn’t marrying Kendra anyway.
Which he didn’t know yet.
The look on his face said this might not be the best time to bring that up.
Besides, it was a conversation best had with my mother in the room. I’d
learned over my lifetime that he was slightly more reasonable in her
presence. I’d talk to them later this morning, when the sun was up. Kendra
too. Stop this whole engagement fiasco before it got too far out of control.
First, I needed sleep. I’d gotten very little of it in Tessa’s bed, and after
two nights in a row of our extracurricular activities, I was exhausted. Even
the sofa wasn’t sounding so bad.
And if I had to pass my father to get there, so be it. I held my head high,
unwilling to let him turn my escape downstairs into a walk of shame. If
anything, it was a walk of pride. For once in my life, I had something that
he had no part of. Someone he had no part of.
There was nothing he could do or say to take that away.
“OH, Scott. I didn’t know you were in here.”
I sat up blinking and put my hand up to block my eyes from the
sunlight. Leila Montgomery stood at the side of the window, her hand
hovering over the button to draw the curtains.
“I’ll shut them again,” she said apologetically. “I wouldn’t have opened
them if I’d seen you there.”
“No, no, it’s good.” A glance at my watch said it was a quarter after
nine. Another blink, and my head cleared. She’d caught me sleeping on her
living room couch, still wearing my clothes from the night before. There
was no way she didn’t have questions.
There was a list of people that had to be spoken to before I could give
her suitable answers.
“I couldn’t sleep,” I lied. “Came down here, and I guess I crashed.”
She gave me a look that said she was sure she could see right through
me. “You don’t have to pretend with me.”
I hesitated. Had she seen me sneaking out of Tessa’s bedroom too? Or
was she simply letting me know that she was aware my relationship with
Kendra was a sham?
Thankfully, she explained. “I’m her mother, Scott. I know better than
anyone that she snores like a chainsaw. Well, maybe not better than you.”
She chuckled. “I’ll get you a pair of those noise-canceling earbuds that
Martin gave me for my birthday. You’ll sleep through a hurricane.”
Maybe she didn’t know the truth about me and Kendra after all.
“Thanks, but please don’t bother. I already have a pair. Just forgot to
bring them with me.” I stood up and stretched, noticing now that the woman
was dressed up. Not in evening wear, but in an outfit far less casual than my
parents generally donned on Sunday mornings.
My body tensed. If there was another event thrown on me without my
knowledge, I was going to hit the roof. Last night had been bad enough.
There was no way I was sitting through a brunch while a bunch of rich
bitches I’d never met congratulated me on a wedding that would never
happen.
But before I could get thoroughly worked up, a horn honked.
“Hold your horses, Martin,” she yelled at the window, as though he
could hear her through the glass. She turned back to me. “I’m sorry we’re
running off. Normally, I’d skip church when we have guests, but we’re both
on the board, and today the minister is informing the congregation of our
latest budget. We need to be there in case there are any questions.”
“Completely understandable.” A blessing, in fact. It would be so much
easier to sit down Kendra and my parents without her parents hovering
around. “Go, please. I don’t want you to be late.”
She fluffed the back of her highlighted blonde hair and smoothed down
her skirt. “There’s a small buffet set out for breakfast in the dining room.
Nothing much. Pastries and fruit and coffee. Kendra’s already up and out
for her run. I recommend you eat the lemon poppyseed muffin before she
sees it. She really needs to avoid carbs if she’s going to fit into a wedding
dress.”
I followed her out to the foyer, glad she was in front of me so she
couldn’t see my eye roll. “Sure thing, Leila.”
“Now you know I told you to call me Mom.”
No. Nope. I had not and would not call her any such thing. The sooner I
ended this, the better. “My parents—are they up and roaming about yet?”
She paused, the front door open, and gave me a startled look. “Oh, I
figured you knew. They left bright and early. Your father said something
business-related came up. Probably wanted to give you lovebirds some
alone time since K’s been out of town.”
More likely, he had a tee time he didn’t want to miss.
More importantly, fuck.
The conversation I needed to have with them would have to wait until I
was back in the city. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Another honk from Martin prompted Leila back into motion. “Gotta
run. See you two back here soon, I hope?”
“Sure. Soon.” I ushered her out the door, refusing to feel bad about
breaking the woman’s heart.
Okay, I felt a little bit bad. Leila Montgomery was a decent woman,
extremely kindhearted. She didn’t deserve to be snowed like she had been.
My parents might be shrews with not a romantic bone in their bodies, but at
least I didn’t have to lie to them about a marriage of convenience.
And though I really wanted to be, I couldn’t be mad at Kendra for not
telling her parents the truth. With all the backbending I’d done in my
lifetime trying to please a father who was impossible to please, I was the
last person who could throw judgment on a dysfunctional parent-child
relationship.
Not for the first time, I wondered what Kendra was getting out of our
engagement. Besides the notoriety of being a Sebastian. For all I knew, my
parents had made a side deal with her. If they had, there was no way she’d
be allowed to tell me about it.
It also meant I didn’t know where her loyalties lay. If I broke things off
with her before talking to my parents, she could go behind my back and tell
them before I got the chance. The conversation was going to be hard
enough regardless. I needed every advantage on my side if I was going to
come out of this situation with minimal damage. My best chance was to hit
them blind.
In other words, I couldn’t tell Kendra this marriage was off until I talked
to them.
With a sigh, I watched out the foyer window as the Montgomerys’ car
pulled away. So I’d have to remain engaged a little bit longer. A nuisance,
but no big deal. Tess knew the truth, and that was all that mattered.
I hadn’t quite convinced myself, but with no other option, I went in
pursuit of coffee. As soon as I crossed the dining room threshold, my worry
drained away. It was impossible to feel anything but bliss when Tess was in
the room, and there she was, fussing with the espresso machine, her back to
me. Unlike me, she’d gotten a shower in, and even from behind I could tell
she looked much less ragged than I did.
She must have sensed my presence because she turned then and met my
eye. A sly smile played on her lips as I stalked toward her. Then, when I
was practically at her side, the smile disappeared, and she swiftly turned her
attention back to the coffee in front of her.
“You’re blushing,” I said.
“You can’t tell that.”
It wasn’t true. Her darker skin made it harder to tell, but not impossible.
“Are you trying to tell me that you’re not?”
She tried to hide it, but even in profile, I could see the twitch of her
mouth.
My cock twitched in response.
What was it about her? What was it about this woman that made me
want to tear her clothes off every time she was in the same room with me?
I’d been attracted to plenty of women before, but I’d always been in
control. With her, I felt like I was spinning. Or rather, with her I noticed that
I was spinning, that I’d always been spinning, like I was on a merry-goround or a hamster wheel, and she was standing tall and steady on the
ground, and for the first time in my life, I wanted to get off the wheel. I
wanted more than the ride. I wanted to stand steady. With her.
And I wanted the dirty stuff too.
Unable to help myself, I moved behind her, caging her in, using the
excuse to reach for a mug dangling on the hook above her head, though
there were already plenty sitting on the sideboard. Pressing my body closer
than necessary, I lowered my head and spoke low. “If you’re thinking
anything like the things I’m thinking right now—the things I’m
remembering—no wonder you’re blushing.”
“Scott.” It was barely a whisper. A plea filled with sexual frustration. I
could practically smell the pheromones coming off her. Could swear I could
hear the rapid pulse of her heart.
With more strength than I possessed, she pulled away, one hand holding
on to the buffet as though she needed the anchor. Then she hit me with a
half-amused glare. “Okay. I’m blushing. But also, there are people here.
And you’re engaged. And I’m an idiot for overlooking that fact just because
you flashed your sexy smile and your dazzling blue eyes at me.”
I set the mug I’d taken down so I could brush my knuckles along the
length of her index fingers. “No one’s here. The Montgomerys went to
church. My parents are gone. Kendra’s out for her run. And I’m not going
to be engaged for much longer. And you are not an idiot. You’re one of the
smartest people I’ve ever met. And did you say you think I’m sexy?”
The glare lost to the amusement. “I said your smile was sexy. And if
you haven’t figured out that I think you’re sexy by now then you’re the
idiot.” She reined in her smile. “But I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep
lying to Kendra. It doesn’t matter that your relationship isn’t real, we have
to tell her about us. I don’t even know what ‘us’ is.”
The last part was spoken with an exasperation that pulled at something
foreign in my chest. I wanted to fix her. I wanted to ease her. I wanted to
make her feel better.
Knowing we were pretty much alone, I took the risk and tipped her chin
up toward me. “Hey. We’re figuring that out, remember?”
“I can’t introduce you to people as the guy I’m figuring things out
with.”
“I don’t know. Works for me.” Her lips were plumply swollen from the
night before, and God, I wanted to kiss her. I didn’t even care if it evolved
to fucking, I just wanted my mouth on hers, wanted to steal her breath and
give her mine.
I barely managed to restrain myself, rubbing my thumb across her
bottom lip instead. The corner was turned downward into a frown.
Obviously, I was doing a poor job at easing her.
I dropped my hand but stayed standing just as close. “Do you want a
label? We’re mutually exclusive, more than fucking—boyfriend fits that,
doesn’t it?”
“You make it sound like you’ve never been a boyfriend before.”
“I haven’t.” I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d seen the same
woman more than once in a month. I’d definitely never told one I’d be
exclusive.
Her brows knit like I’d said the most baffling thing she’d ever heard.
“And you’re willing to be my boyfriend?”
“I want to be your boyfriend.” I hadn’t realized how much it was true
until I said it. Now that I had, it sounded baffling to me as well. I’d assumed
those kinds of desires didn’t grow in me. Like I was bad soil and emotions
related to commitment and fidelity and devotion would never take root.
But even though it was newly bloomed, I recognized the pinch in my
torso as just that—a desire to be committed and faithful and devoted to
Tess. It was scarily fast. Inconvenient, on top of that.
And I didn’t care in the least. I wanted to be with her. “Though it sounds
so juvenile. Boyfriend. What kind of a word is that? Manfriend seems more
appropriate.”
“That’s not a thing.”
Her laugh made me smile. “Whatever you call me, I just want to be
yours.”
“You are so fucking smooth.”
“You keep saying that, and I think you mean it as criticism, but also I
think you like it.”
“I do.” Her chest rose and fell with heavy breaths, and I could tell the
weight of the tension between us bore into her as deeply as it did me. “We
still have to tell Kendra you’re my...you’re mine.”
“Probably best to tell her the engagement is off first.”
“Fine. Whatever. We just have to tell her ASAFP. Otherwise, this feels
like cheating, and when your dick isn’t in me, it doesn’t feel like cheating in
a good way.”
My pants tightened at the mention of the beast inside them. “Maybe that
means I just need to have my dick in you more often.”
This time her cheeks actually got pink. “As soon as Kendra knows, then
you bet.”
“Well. As I said, my parents have left. So telling Kendra will have to
wait.”
A different kind of tension pulled between us. Not the sexy kind. The
kind of tension that caused her body to stiffen and turned her tone hard.
“Why do you have to talk to them first? This is between you and Kendra.”
I shifted so my hip rested against the sideboard. “It’s really not. It’s
between me and my parents, and it’s between my parents and Kendra.”
“That makes no sense. She’s engaged to you. Not your parents.”
“I don’t know what sort of arrangement they may have made with her.”
I flat out didn’t trust Kendra. It wasn’t personal. I didn’t trust anyone
willing to make a deal with my parents. The fact that she was Tess’s boss
only made it worse. She had the ability to mess with things Tess cared
about. She could pull the DRF from the Sebastians, and I didn’t want Tess
to lose that because of me.
I also didn’t want to scare her with the possibility. “It’s best if I don’t
mess with it. Let my parents handle her.”
Tess took a slight step away. “Do you hear yourself? If I were her, and
you didn’t come to me first, I’d be pissed.”
“You aren’t her.” The way her expression tightened told me I’d said the
wrong thing. I stepped closer. “And that’s good that you’re not. This isn’t a
situation you’d ever be in.”
“I can still sympathize with how she’d feel, and I’m telling you, she’d
want to know.” She held my stare for several beats. “Look, if I don’t tell
her, what is she going to think later when she finds out about us? She’s
going to be hurt to learn I was secretly fucking her fiancé, and with every
other reason she has to be mad at me, I don’t want to give her one more.”
I heard her. I did. What I heard was that she didn’t understand. How
could she? It was impossible to explain the pressures of the Sebastian
world. To explain the dangers and the power my father had. There were
rules that had to be abided. There was a process.
Patronizing as it was, all I could give her was my experience. “Tess.
You have to trust me.”
It was another wrong thing to say. Her shoulders went back, her arms
crossed over her chest. “Either you tell her or I do, Scott. One way or
another, Kendra needs to know.”
“Kendra needs to know what?”
At the sound of Kendra’s voice, we both took a step back from each
other and turned to face the woman between us. Figuratively. She was still
at the dining room doorway, swigging back expensive bottled water.
I scanned her quickly, looking for signs of how much she’d heard. It
must not have been much because her posture was loose, her expression
casual.
Except, during the time I studied her, she was also studying us.
“You guys are looking awfully cozy,” she said suspiciously as she came
farther into the room. “What’s going on?”
“There’s lemon poppyseed,” I said, thinking quickly. “Your mother is
concerned about your carb intake. Tess thinks what you eat is your
business.”
Kendra shook her head. “Tess would never let me know there’s lemon
poppyseed. She knows I’m an addict, and she’s a good enough friend to
keep me from my vices.”
So that was a fail. If I’d been better on my game, I would have guessed.
I didn’t know her well, but it wouldn’t have surprised me if that was one of
the job duties Kendra expected from her assistant. Watch my diet. Count my
calories. Keep me thin.
Tess didn’t try to come up with anything better. “She needs to know the
truth,” she said to me with finality.
Then, before I could think of anything to stop her, she turned to Kendra.
“You need to know the truth, K. Scott and I didn’t just meet last night. We
knew each other before.”
FIVE
TESS
“UH, YOU DID?” Kendra’s tone suggested she was already jumping to the
obvious conclusion. It wasn’t that hard to put together. She had to know the
kind of guy she was marrying.
Thought she was marrying.
It would have been easy to let her fill in the blanks from there. Just as
easy to tell her it hadn’t been just a one-night thing between us. That we
were ongoing, and I didn’t know about her engagement; cue a pointed look
at her for not thinking she should tell me. Or her fiancé, for that matter.
But Scott said trust me. And I was a sucker for those words, no matter
how much my gut said otherwise. Far be it from me to choose my instincts
over a boy at this point.
Besides, my relationship with her sort-of-significant other wasn’t the
most crucial item on my need-to-confess list.
Careful not to shoot a glance at Scott, I met Kendra’s eyes. “We met two
weeks ago. When I set up a meeting with SIC to pitch.” It wasn’t exactly a
lie. We hadn’t officially met until Brett introduced us in his office. Sure, it
was a technicality and belied the truth, but whatever.
And anyway, I didn’t have time to feel bad about it because now my
bigger lie had been revealed, and while I sensed Scott breathing a sigh of
relief at my side, I had to prepare myself for all hell to break loose.
“You what.” It was a question, of course it was a question, an request of
clarification, but it came off more like a demand, hard and low in her voice.
“I, uh.” It should have been easier to say the second time. I cleared my
throat. “I pitched charity partnerships to SIC.”
Her expression was cool. “Without my permission.”
“Without your permission,” I echoed.
“Behind my back.”
“Behind your back.”
“When you’ve never given a pitch before, and I explicitly told you
Conscience Connect would not be pitching to Sebastian Industrial.”
“Yeah. All that.” It sounded worse laid out like that, partly because of
Kendra’s even, crisp tone, but also because it was actually kind of a bad
thing I’d done. I had good intentions, and good things were (hopefully) to
come from it, but I’d still undermined my employer. I’d still stepped into a
position I hadn’t been trained for. I’d still knowingly done something that I
knew would hurt her.
“Look,” I said, admittedly wanting her to understand it in context so the
bad thing I’d done wouldn’t seem quite so bad. “It happened sort of
accidentally. Well, not accidentally at all, but it didn’t start with me trying
to go behind your back. It was more I was in the right place at the right time
—or maybe from your perspective I was just in a place at a time—but it
seemed like fate because I happened to meet Brett, and I didn’t know he
was a Sebastian—”
“My cousin,” Scott interjected when Kendra’s expression turned
puzzled. “He works in my department.”
I jumped back in as though there’d been no interruption. “And he said
his employer was looking for a charity, and I was like, oh hey, that’s what
we do, and he gave me his card and set me up with his assistant, and then I
asked you about it. I asked you about SIC, and you said no, and I should
have listened to you, but there was this opportunity. They were looking, and
I really needed the chance to prove I could do it—for myself. Prove it for
myself, and there was the door wide open with an amazing corporation, and
knowing that we had a charity—a deserving charity—that would be the
perfect fit, how could I not take the chance?”
I was breathless when I’d finished. And nerve-wracked. I’d always
known this moment was coming, but I’d tried not to think about it, and not
thinking about it had left me unprepared for how strongly I wanted Kendra
to understand.
“You pushed them to the DRF,” she said, her expression unreadable but
with a tone that said she knew I’d done this all for Teyana and that personal
motives did not belong in these pitches, and obviously I had done it wrong,
and this was exactly why she hadn’t given me the opportunity to pitch in the
first place.
“I presented eight in total,” I said flatly, trying not to sound too
defensive. “The DRF wasn’t even the first I pitched.”
Scott had been mostly silent until this point, but now he spoke up. “We
would have picked the Dysautonomia Relief Foundation even if Tess hadn’t
been so passionate about it. She was right. It was the right organization for
us to partner with.”
It was embarrassing to have him witness this, but I appreciated his
comment. The praise felt extra warm in Kendra’s chilly wake, and I
suddenly felt it vital to clear his name. “Scott didn’t know I wasn’t there
with your blessing. He had no idea I wasn’t legit.”
He met my eye, and for a moment I thought he was going to say
something to try to take the blame. Then he seemed to think better of it. “I
figured it out when you introduced us last night.”
It took her a second, but then she figured out how. “Because I should
have known you’d already met.”
“Tess was completely professional,” he went on. “Her presentation was
thorough. No one could have known she was new to the job. I think you
would have been very happy with how she represented your company.”
She shifted her body, and now instead of being angled toward me, she
faced us both like the base of a triangle. “My company would never have
sent an employee in my place to meet with a client as important as SIC.”
“My father did notice your absence,” he admitted.
On that note, I had something to admit too. “He basically commanded
that you be at all meetings going forward.”
Scott threw me a he-did-why-didn’t-you-tell-me glance.
I replied with an it-didn’t-come-up-between-orgasms glance.
Kendra took a deep breath. Otherwise, she was as poised as she always
was when talking business, a trait so deeply instilled in her that I sometimes
imagined she’d look composed even if she were hit by a train. It was weird
how she had that professional mode, how she could separate it from her
private mode, especially since this currently collected woman was the same
person who collapsed in histrionics at the slightest bump in her more casual
interactions and ran off on a whim when her heart was the slightest bit
broken.
Weirder still was how much I wished she’d give me the dramatic
response instead. How I wished for proof that she cared enough about me
that my actions affected her too deeply to keep it together.
“The deal’s gone through?” she asked after a beat, still composed. And
now a new slight as she angled her body completely toward Scott, as
though excluding me from the conversation.
The worst part was that he went along with it. He didn’t even look at me
before responding. “It’s in negotiations. Like I said, it’s a good fit. Exactly
the kind of partnership we need to distract from other aspects of our
image.”
“I didn’t think it was right for me to approach you. Even before.” Her
eyes darted to the heavy ring she wore. “Before we got together. Our
parents’ relationship and all. I thought it better to let you approach me.”
“I should have, honestly. I don’t know why I didn’t.”
“I suppose we’ll have to work on communication. I hear it’s important
in a marriage.”
“I hear that as well.”
As irritated as I was to have been shut out, it was fascinating to watch
the two of them interact. Mere acquaintances trying to navigate the prospect
of a lifetime together.
That was not what marriage was supposed to be. Impersonal. Detached.
A box to check off on a to-do list. It made me feel sad and sorry for both of
them for ever thinking this was what they deserved.
But I was still irritated. So I didn’t feel that sorry for them.
And even though I knew Scott didn’t want to talk to her about breaking
off their engagement until after he’d talked to his parents, it pissed me off
that he was playing along with the idea that their marriage would actually
happen.
And another thing that pissed me off? The fact that I only knew it was a
sham of a relationship because of Scott and not because of Kendra. Which
was a stupid thing to be pissed off about because I was pretty sure even her
mother thought it was true love, and why would she tell me when she
wouldn’t tell her mother? But I couldn’t help my feelings, and I was pissed
nonetheless.
As though my feelings were strong enough to remind Kendra that I was
still in the room, she turned her stare back on me. “Just because the
partnership worked out doesn’t make the way it came about right in any
way.”
The harsh words showed a crack in her veneer, a hint at emotion, and I
suddenly remembered that although I was pissed, I was also guilty. “I know,
K. It wasn’t right. I deliberately defied you. And I’m sorry.” Except I wasn’t
really sorry because if I’d had the chance to do it again, I would have. “I’m
sorry that I hurt you, anyway.”
She crossed her arms over her chest, her posture no longer assured.
“That’s the right word, Tess. I’m hurt. I’m really hurt.”
I was hurt too. All the times she’d denied me a chance to pitch, all the
times she’d said I wasn’t ready. All the times she’d called me a friend and
then shut me out.
It probably wasn’t the best time to express that. “I know.”
“I mean, this feels like a pretty deep betrayal. Out of all the people I
could have invited to come work for me, I chose you. Not just because I
knew the value you’d bring but because we were friends. Because I trusted
you. I trusted you to look out for my company.”
“And I did.” It was one thing to let her feel her feelings. It was another
to let her turn it into a baseless attack. “I made a move that Conscience
Connect should have made. Because it was the right move.”
“That wasn’t your call to make!” Her volume rose sharply, and this was
the version of her I’d expected to face. The version I’d wanted.
Before I could respond and turn it into an all-out screaming match, Scott
stepped in. “Kendra. You and I, of all people, we know that the tactics it
takes to survive in this world are not always the most compassionate.”
She whirled toward him, seemingly ready to lash out.
But then she collected herself. “You’re right. They’re not. But there are
always consequences. Survival says compassion isn’t expected from me
either.”
“I hope you’re not suggesting that Tess lose her job over this.”
“Hey,” I butted in, not at all interested in letting Scott fight my battles
for me. “I don’t need anyone—”
Kendra ignored me. “I hope you’re not suggesting you have a right to
give input on how I run my business.”
He smiled. “I couldn’t give a flying fuck about how you run your
business. But Tess Turani is the liaison that connected my company with the
DRF. She’s done all the work so far. My team and I trust her, and I expect
her to be there going forward.”
They held a tense stare between them. I hated how I felt like a child
witnessing grown-ups fighting. Small and powerless, with neither my
opinion nor my feelings worth considering.
I was used to that from Kendra. Not Scott. I knew he was only trying to
protect me and swoon for that, but I didn’t need him to man-in-charge me or
on my behalf. I didn’t want that from him. I wanted equal footing with him.
With both of them.
But equal footing wasn’t what I got.
“Of course,” Kendra said sweetly, my fate decided by others and out of
my hands. Temporarily, anyway. “Tess and I will revisit the status of her
employment when the deal is done.”
“Looking forward to it.” My smile didn’t look nearly as authentic as
hers. A fault of my breeding, I was sure.
“Meanwhile.” She turned to Scott. “You drove here, didn’t you?
Sweetheart.”
If he was surprised by the endearment, he didn’t show it. “Yes.”
“Good. Tess has a ticket for the train a little later. I was going to go back
with her, but better that I drive with you instead. You can catch me up on
the negotiations on the ride.”
At least he had the decency to flinch when he said, “Uh, sure.”
“I guess I’d better go pack my bag,” I said, storming out before I
unleashed my growing fury. Who I was most angry with, I wasn’t even
sure. Kendra for acting like a hard-ass? Scott for standing up for me when I
didn’t need it and failing to do so when he should have? Myself for caring
about both of them way more than I should?
One thing was sure anyway—Scott had been right not to tell her about
our relationship. Mainly because her callous behavior today had convinced
me I was stupid for caring about her feelings when she so clearly didn’t care
about anyone but herself.
But also because, with my current attitude toward her fiancé, I wasn’t
sure he and I would have a relationship much longer to even tell her about.
SIX
SCOTT
I WATCHED Tessa as she stomped out of the room, cursing myself for
having obviously fucked up. Should I have told Kendra I wouldn’t drive
her? Or insisted I take Tess as well?
Honestly, after the scene that had just occurred, I thought she might be
relieved not to have to travel back with her boss. Suggesting to trap them in
a car together for an hour didn’t seem like the most pleasant choice for
anyone.
It had been Tess I was thinking about. No one else.
But keeping silent hadn’t proven that to her, and who knew when I’d get
a chance to talk to her?
Fuck. I wanted to run after her now. Could I?
Thankfully, Kendra saved me from making an impulsive decision.
“Wait. Tess?” She jogged after her employee.
I followed after. Like hell was I going to miss this.
She caught up with Tess at the bottom of the stairs. “That was petty of
me. I’m sorry. I’ll ride back with you. What time is it? I probably don’t
have time to get cleaned up first.”
“You can both drive to the city with me.” Since I couldn’t read Tess’s
mind to know what she would have preferred, I had to make the decision on
my own. And I wanted Tess with me. Preferably without the woman
wearing my (mother’s) engagement ring, but that wasn’t really an option.
Tess looked from Kendra to me, her expression softer than it had been
but still fairly hard. “Fine. When do you want to leave?”
Considering I was still wearing last night’s clothes… “I need to shower
first.”
“Me too,” Kendra said, gesturing to her running outfit.
“Then I’ll use the shower in the room my parents slept in.” No way was
anyone going to have a chance to think that she and I were showering
together. No way was I going to let Kendra think she was giving that
impression.
She pursed her lips, clearly disapproving. Which I understood. I
probably came off as an ass in her eyes. As far as she knew, we were getting
married. We were engaged. We were supposed to be acting like we had a
real relationship, rather than one orchestrated for social gains. My parents
had laid out that expectation for both of us when we put the whole plan into
motion.
Kendra was only trying to fulfill her obligation.
But the deal was off now, whether she knew it or not, and my only
obligation was to my heart. And my heart wanted Tess.
How the fuck that flowery inclination came about, I couldn’t begin to
guess. Maybe this was what they meant when they said pussywhipped. If so,
I was pussywhipped pretty damn good.
If Kendra had to suffer a bit in the meantime, it was what it was.
Realizing that it would be worse to make a fuss about my behavior in
front of Tess, she yielded. “I’ll ask the staff to move your suitcase.”
“I’ll take care of it myself.” Without further hesitation, I walked around
them and headed up the stairs. The faster we were cleaned up, the faster we
could leave, the faster we could get to the part where I dropped Kendra off
and it was just me and Tess.
I was already counting down the minutes.
LESS THAN AN HOUR LATER, we were on the road. Kendra, of course,
took the front seat. There was no way around that, really, not without
declaring something about me and Tess, and for the sake of managing a
fallout that could hurt my girlfriend, that wasn’t a risk I was willing to take.
Girlfriend.
I’d never thought I’d use that label sincerely. It had slipped out over the
years in various moments, when it was more kind to use that description for
the woman on my arm than to explain she was just who I was banging that
night. Once or twice maybe I’d used it in the bedroom, or I’d allowed it to
be used, when the term had found its way into dirty talk or role-play. I’d
never actually assigned it to one person. Never thought I’d get a rush when
I did.
Yet here I was, practically smiling as Kendra programmed her home
address into the dashboard GPS because my girlfriend was sitting in the
backseat.
“My address is already in here,” Kendra said, a question in her tone.
Oh, fuck. I’d had my driver take Tess and Teyana there the night of the
opera. I rarely drove myself in the city, and there were often addresses
programmed in that I didn’t recognize, so it hadn’t occurred to me.
Tess had been pretty tight-lipped since agreeing to the car ride, but I
caught her eye in the rearview mirror. Without words, I knew exactly what
she was thinking from her expression. If you’d just told Kendra like I’d
wanted...
“Hmm. I don’t know why,” I said with as much nonchalance as I could
muster.
Another glance at Tess, who gave me a disdainful look before jumping
in to my rescue. “After that meeting ran late last week, you had your driver
take me home afterward since it was raining. I was housesitting for
Kendra.”
“Ah,” Kendra said.
“Ah,” I said at the same time, as though it were new information.
“Mm,” Tess rumbled in the backseat.
I didn’t know how my father did it, balancing his marriage with his
affairs. I wasn’t even really cheating, and I’d already had it with the
subterfuge.
A fifty-seven-minute drive ahead of us, and I was sure it would be the
longest ride of my life.
Fortunately, the first half hour went by pretty smoothly. There wasn’t a
lot to report about the current negotiations with the Dysautonomia Relief
Foundation, but Kendra wanted to know every detail of how the process
had gone so far. Her pettiness from earlier made another appearance as she
refused to address any of her questions to Tess, though it was clear that
most of what she wanted to hear about was what exactly Tess had
presented. It was annoying and obvious and maybe even a bit
understandable, considering that Tess had legitimately undermined her, but
I hated that spiteful shit.
Tess handled it admirably, only jumping in when I directed the
questions to her, which I did as often as I could, and managed not to get
defensive whenever Kendra made a critical remark, which she seemed to do
as often as she could.
When she finally announced that the deal seemed to be pretty solid, the
knot in my shoulders loosened, and I felt like I could take a real breath for
the first time since we’d set out. Not because I’d been worried for myself,
but because I knew how much Tess wanted her approval, even though she
hadn’t said as much. Why else had she stuck at the job after so long being
overlooked? And didn’t everyone want the regard of authority figures? I
sure seemed to.
I could feel Tess’s ease as well, like a soft breeze from the backseat. It
was probably the closest to praise she was going to get, and she absorbed it
like the air freshener soaking up bad fumes.
We’d hit the city by then, and traffic was as it always was in NYC, but
even that didn’t seem so daunting with the tension relieved. Glancing in the
rearview, Tess had propped the seat pillow against the window and closed
her eyes, the last two nights of activity seemingly catching up to her.
Kendra, however, had just gotten back from a three-week spa trip and
had the energy to prove it with her inability to let more than a minute go in
silence. Her first few attempts at conversation went nowhere when I didn’t
return her serves.
“How has work been besides the DRF deal?”
“Fine.”
“Is your mother still hosting the Thanksgiving Feed America meal?”
“I’m sure she is.”
“Is that new legislation going to affect your production this year?”
“I’m sure Dad will find his way around it.”
Then she threw me a curve. “I suppose we should set a date?”
“Set a date for what?” I said before thinking it through.
“For our wedding, you silly.”
My gaze flicked back to the mirror. Tess’s eyes were opened, a frown
bending her lips down.
“Uh, I don’t really have a preference,” I said, hoping that would put an
end to it.
“I know you’ll need to look at your calendar, and I’ll need to look at
mine. We’ll need at least six months to put together something proper. A
year would be better. Preferably even two. Do you have a seasonal
preference?”
“Not really.”
“I’ve always been fond of winter weddings. Fall too. Summer is just so
done, though the weather is definitely better. We could always do
something in Florida instead, at your grandfather’s estate.”
I honked my horn at the car in front of me when he didn’t cruise
through the yellow light, mostly because it felt good. I wanted to do it
again. In answer to everything Kendra said. Do you—honk! Should we—
honk, honk, honk.
Getting pulled over wasn’t on my to-do list, though. It would only
prolong the agony.
“You know,” I said, not even sure where I was going after I’d started.
“This is probably a conversation best saved for later. Tess doesn’t want to
listen to all this wedding planning stuff.” Yeah, that was good. “Not fair to
bore her to death.”
I tried to meet her eyes in the mirror, but she was staring out the side
window, the features of her profile drawn tight.
“Actually, I bet she’d love it. She used to always want to play Let’s Plan
Our Weddings when we were in school.” Kendra shifted in her seat so she
could look back at Tess directly. “Remember how you were sure you were
going to marry that Jason kid? The guy who worked at the pizza counter
just off campus?”
Tess kept her eyes glued out the passenger window. “Mmhmm.”
A stab of irrational jealousy pierced through me. Who the fuck was
Jason?
“And then it was the quarterback,” Kendra went on. “That was a move
up, in my book. Jason was always so greasy.”
I found another reason to honk the horn.
“After that it was—”
I cut her off. “I really don’t need to hear Tess’s list of prior boyfriends.”
Not if we expected to get to our destination without me running someone
off the road. “Professional boundaries and all.”
Kendra swiveled back to face the front. “You always said you wanted
something small,” she said, and for a second I wasn’t sure if she was still
talking to Tess or if she was now making up a conversation we’d never had.
“A bridal party that could fit around one table, you said.”
“Affordable that way,” Tess said, and I had one of those reckoning
moments where I remembered that, despite all the bullshit I had to endure
with the Sebastian name, I never had to worry about the cost of things.
Kendra probably didn’t have to either. Her parents were far from
billionaires, but they had enough to put them in the upper one percent. Her
family would never allow her to have a small wedding, and her envy was
evident. To me, anyway. Because it was something I envied as well. But did
she also realize that the reasons she and I felt like we had no other choice
were trivial compared to the fact that most people—people like Tess—
actually didn’t have a choice?
I was going to spoil her, I decided right then. As long as Tess was in my
world, I was going to give her all the things she’d never had access to. How
had Kendra been in her world so long and not been driven to do the same?
She went on as though her privilege hadn’t just been checked. “Two
bridesmaids, you always said. You just couldn’t decide who would be the
maid of honor—me or Teyana.”
“It would be Teyana,” Tess said pointedly. “No other bridesmaids.”
Kendra deflated as the words had their intended effect. “Of course. You
two are so close.” She let a beat pass. “I’m not really close to anyone. My
mother will have a list of cousins and friends that we’ll have to include, but
for my maid of honor, there’s no one I could think of asking besides you.”
Oh. Well. That was unexpected.
Manipulative, too. Was Tess supposed to feel bad about that?
I didn’t have to look to know Tess hadn’t taken it well. “Is this your
passive-aggressive way of asking me to be your maid of honor, K?”
“I...I...don’t...I—” Kendra stuttered.
Tess didn’t let her struggle long. “Earlier today you hinted that I might
be on the brink of being fired, and you think I’m somehow cool enough
with that to consider saying yes to being in your wedding party? Am I just
your lap dog? Subject to your beck and call and your whims?”
Kendra whirled around to face the backseat. “Why would I even think
you still want to work for me? You’ve already basically accused me of
taking you for granted, and then you went behind my back, Tess. When I
thought you were my friend. When I thought you were the one person in my
life who would never take advantage of me. Were you trying to hurt me?
Do you want to be fired?”
I kept my eyes pinned on the traffic, forcing myself to concentrate on
the driving and ignoring the primitive instinct to defend my woman. It
wouldn’t be pretty if I did. Kendra would be shred into pieces. After I’d
spent all morning insisting we keep the status quo because I feared her
retaliation, destroying her seemed counterproductive.
Tess didn’t need me to defend her anyway. She had her own back. “I
honestly don’t know right now, Kendra.”
That seemed to hurt my bride-not-to-be more than anything I could have
said.
“Okay. So.” Kendra turned to face the front, her voice thick with
emotion. “We’ll get through this deal with SIC, and then we’ll reevaluate.
Both of us.”
“Perfect,” Tess replied tightly.
After that, we rode in silence. That stretch of minutes felt endless. I kept
looking at the time to destination on the dash, certain it was stuck. Eight
minutes, it said. Eight minutes. Eight minutes.
Then, finally, seven minutes. It stayed seven minutes for a decade. Then
it was six for another decade. Then five. Then four. Then three. Then two.
Then I was pulling up to the curb in front of her building. I popped the
trunk as the doorman opened Kendra’s door. Then he opened the back door.
“Come on, Tess,” Kendra said.
Tess had avoided eye contact since the conversation had halted, but now
she met my eyes, questioning.
“I’ll take you,” I assured her.
“She’s all the way in Jersey City,” Kendra said, already half out of the
car.
“It’s fine. I’m taking her.”
“It’s really no big deal to take the train from here,” Tess offered.
“I said I’m taking you,” I snapped. Which I immediately felt shitty
about since she wasn’t the one I wanted to be snapping at.
“That’s really nice of you. I must be marrying a saint.” Kendra gave me
a gritted-teeth smile, and I knew she felt this was another betrayal, this time
from the man who was supposedly going to be her husband. It had to seem
like I’d taken a side. Had to be salt in her wound, but asshole that I was, I
didn’t give a shit about her wound unless her pain ended up causing her to
hurt Tess.
She slammed the door when she got out.
Tess didn’t move from her place in the back.
“You should come up here so I don’t feel like a chauffeur,” I said, when
what I really wanted to say was, You should come up here so I can be near
you, so I can be close enough to smell your shampoo, so I can forget that
there is anyone in the world that exists but you.
Kendra was already out of earshot. I could have said it. I should have.
But I’d been too carefully guarding my words for the entire drive, and
I’d forgotten momentarily how to let that guard down.
She didn’t respond. But she did climb out of the backseat and into the
front. Without a word, she reached over to enter her address into the GPS
then put her seatbelt on and huddled next to the door, making her seem just
as far away now as she had when she’d been in the back.
I pulled into traffic in silence, wracking my brain trying to figure out
what to say, how to fix this weird tension between us. So much had
happened over the course of the day, so much had been said, so much I
wanted to explain and apologize for and make better, and fuck. I didn’t
know the first thing about how to do any of that. I’d never had a non-related
relationship that required work. I’d never hung around long enough to ever
get to that point. Unless I counted my family, and those relationships were
so laborious that I’d purposefully abstained from any other emotional
intimacies.
With Tess, though, I wanted to try. Wanted to explore the possibility that
love didn’t always have to be so hard.
Wanting to didn’t mean knowing how. And each silent minute that
passed without making an attempt felt like another mile stretched between
us.
Then, abruptly, she threw her head back against the seat rest. “Oh my
God, that was terrible!” she groaned.
I pulled my eyes from the road to make sure I was reading her right, that
she meant to commiserate and not to blame. The tense smile assured me it
was the latter.
“So terrible!” I agreed. “So fucking terrible.”
“The absolute worst.”
We hit a red light, and I turned to her. “I’m already going to my parents
for a family dinner tomorrow night. I’ll tell them this is over then. One
more day, Tessa. Can you give me just one more day?”
She swung her head toward me. “As long as I don’t have to be in a
room with her before then, yes. I can give you one more day.”
Sunlight had a way of making the world forget there could ever be a
storm. Tess was sunlight right then. A bright light piercing through an
otherwise dark day.
I leaned across the console and kissed her, kissed her hard, kissed her
like we were in my bed and not on Columbus Avenue, and when the car
behind us honked for us to get moving, I kissed her quickly once more
before turning my eyes back to the road.
SEVEN
TESS
“I HAVE TO CANCEL.” I lowered my voice as I said it so that Teyana
wouldn’t overhear my disheartened tone and feel guilty.
On the other side of the phone call, Scott echoed my disappointment.
“No! Why?”
As soon as I’d gotten in the apartment after he’d dropped me off earlier
and I’d found Tey in the fetal position, I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep
our date for later. Still, I’d waited to tell him in case some miracle happened
and she was feeling well enough for me to leave her alone.
Unfortunately, she’d only gotten worse. She’d thrown up twice and
fainted every time she stood up, no matter how slowly she’d gone. The last
time she’d gone to the bathroom, she’d hobbled, her body bent over itself
from the excruciating pain in her ribs.
“Tey’s having a bad night,” I said. “Like, a really bad night.” She was
always bad when she had her period, which because of the type of birth
control she was on, only occurred once every three months. Her doctor had
chosen that method in order to give her more relief from bad POTS
episodes, but having known what she’d been like before, I wasn’t sure that
quarterly PMS wasn’t somehow worse.
“As soon as I can get a flipping health care plan that will cover the cost,
I’m getting my uterus removed,” she said for the five-hundredth time.
“Ah,” Scott said, obviously hearing her. “A woman’s thing.”
I could have left it there, but I didn’t want him to think I was bailing on
him to simply nurse my friend’s bad cramps. “It’s a POTS thing, but the
autonomic system is involved in women’s things, so yeah. But I hope it
doesn’t come down to something as drastic as a hysterectomy, though I
guess a lot of POTSies go that route.”
“I’m not ever having a baby myself,” she protested. “It would be way
too hard on my body. So what’s the use in maintaining the misery?”
I turned my back so she wouldn’t see my expression. It was an old
argument of ours. Me worrying about the permanence of the decision, her
wanting to just feel better.
“Does she need help?” He didn’t have to say the word financial for me
to know that was what he was offering.
I considered before responding. Selfishly, I was glad she couldn’t afford
the procedure yet since I was still holding out hope that she could get in
with a specialist who could find an underlying cause or at least help her get
her symptoms under control. And I wasn’t sure how I felt about accepting
that kind of help from Scott anyway.
“What she needs is better doctors. Ones that take insurance and don’t
have a waiting list that’s a mile long.” There was a knock on our apartment
door. “Hey, Scott, can you hold on a sec? I think the medic is here.” I
crossed to answer it while I waited for him to reply.
“Medic?”
“IV therapy. A saline drip always makes her feel tons better.” Her
doctor prescribed them for her usually, but when she’s really bad, we
splurged and spent the hundred fifty dollars to have them come to our
home. I peeked out the peephole and saw a guy in scrubs and a med pack.
“Yeah, it’s him. Should I call you back?”
“The medic is a him? I’ll hold.”
I stifled a laugh. “Suit yourself.” With the phone pressed against my
chest, I opened the door, greeted the tech who introduced himself as Bennie,
and directed him over to Teyana on the couch.
“You’ll be okay if I…?” I asked her, nodding toward my bedroom.
“Please, go,” she said with as much drama as she could muster. “I feel
sick enough without having to hear your disgusting gushing.”
I shot her a scowl. So maybe I’d been a bit smitten when I’d brought her
up-to-date on my Scott weekend, but I’d told her the shitty parts too.
Okay, mostly I’d focused on the swoony parts. She was feeling ill, after
all. I hadn’t wanted her to get worked up.
“Fine, I will,” I said with mock smugness, already heading down the
hall.
“Good. Now I can have Bennie all to myself.” At least she was feeling
well enough to banter.
I turned to give him a wink. “When you’re tired of her, Bennie, I’m
here. Just holler.” I slipped into my bedroom and shut the door before
bringing my phone to my ear. “You still there?”
“Did you just offer yourself to Bennie?”
I laughed. “I don’t think you have any place to be jealous, Mr. I’m-notreally-engaged.”
“Not jealous,” he protested too quickly. “Curious. What’s he look like?
Is he attractive? Are you into him? Could you be into him?”
My body went warm from head to toe. I’d had plenty of experience
being the one who asked those questions. The men I’d always fallen for
were usually falling over multiple women themselves. This was the first
time I could remember a man expressing jealousy over me.
“Bennie is…” I thought about the heavily tattooed hulk of a man
currently sitting in my living room, wondering if I should try to drag this
out a little longer. Remembering my own past pain, I decided to let Scott off
the hook. “Not my type.”
“What’s wrong with him?”
“He isn’t you.” I felt vulnerable saying it, and it came out breathy.
Scott was silent for a beat, and I worried I’d been too forward. He’d
said we were exclusive. He’d said he was my boyfriend. That meant I could
say these things, right? Or had I been too presumptuous about what forward
meant?
“I could come to you,” he said finally, and I realized the silence was just
him being breathless too. “I’ll pack up all the tapas and bring them. I
ordered more than enough for three of us.”
I wanted to say yes. It was tempting. Especially since I felt guilty that
he’d already ordered dinner, and it would go to waste if I said no.
But it wasn’t fair to Tey, especially when she hated other people seeing
her like this. “I’m sorry. I really need to be able to focus on Tey, and you’re
too distracting.”
“Because you can’t be in a room with me without tearing my clothes
off.”
“You can’t be in a room with me without tearing my clothes off, you
mean.”
“Sure, sure. That too.”
The allusion to nakedness and the related activities made my belly hum
low. “I suppose I should be grateful that I’ll get a good night’s sleep. After
the last two nights, I probably need it.”
“Eh, sleep is boring. What a drab use for a bed.”
I chuckled and then groaned because, yeah. I would have much rather
used my bed—or his, I wasn’t picky—for what he had in mind. “There will
be other nights.”
With a sigh, I walked over to my bedroom window, drawn by the light
streaming in. “The moon is beautiful tonight. It looks full.”
“Is it?”
I heard movement and pictured him walking to his floor-to-ceiling
windows to peer up at the sky. “It’s probably even prettier from your view.”
“Maybe. What do you see out your window? Are you looking now?”
“Well, I see the moon.” It was an attempt at light humor, which was
maybe disingenuous because it didn’t feel like a moment to laugh. It felt
romantic. Both of us in two different places, two different states even,
looking up at the same night sky. Taking in the same bright moon.
“What else do you see? You already know what my view is. I want to
know yours.”
My heart tripped in my chest. He was feeling it too, that magic thread of
connection. Was this what falling in love with someone who was falling too
felt like? It usually felt so lonely since I had the habit of picking men who
were not at all interested in reciprocating emotions. This felt entirely
different. An up feeling instead of a down. An embraced feeling instead of a
smothered. A “we” feeling instead of an “I.”
I pulled my eyes from the sky to look at my surroundings. I’d seen them
so many times, and they were so impressionable that I had to really look in
order to tell him. “The building next door, mostly. If I press my head against
the glass, I can see down the block and just barely get a glimpse of
Manhattan across the harbor.”
“The building next door—is it another apartment building?”
“An office building. All dark at this time of the night. Except, wait.
There’s a light on a couple of floors down. Maybe a janitor. I can’t tell from
here.”
“Is it close enough that you can see in the windows on your floor during
the day?”
I’d never bothered to look. “I suppose I could.”
“What would I see if I were there right now?”
“If you were in my room? You’d see me pressed against the window
trying to figure out if I can spy on the next-door office building.”
He let out a rumble of a laugh. His voice was low when he spoke.
Seductive. “I mean if I were in that building, pressed up against the
window, spying on you. What would I see?”
Oh.
Ohhh.
I got it. Kinky. What did men want to hear during phone sex? “You’d
see me wearing nothing but a T-shirt and panties. White lace panties. No
bra, and my T-shirt is tight so you can see the outline of my tits. It’s cold by
the window so you can see my nipples perfectly.”
“Mmm.” It was an appreciative sound. “You’re gorgeous,” he said, as
though I were really dressed that way. As though he were really watching
me. “What else do I see?”
“You see me trailing my hand down over my chest, between my breasts,
then lower. You see me slipping it under the waistband of my panties.”
“Don’t say it if it’s not real, Tessa.”
“What?”
“Don’t tell me what you’re doing if you aren’t doing it. Tell me what
I’m really seeing.”
Ah. Even kinkier.
I swept my eyes over the building to be sure there really was no one
standing at a window looking at me, then I pushed down my yoga pants—
awkwardly with one hand holding the phone—and stuck my hand down
between my legs. “You see me in a baggy sweatshirt, no bra, but you can’t
tell that since the shirt is too loose. My pants are down around my knees,
my hand down my blue lacy panties. I’m too needy to undress further
because I’m on the phone with my boyfriend, and he’s making me all sorts
of hot. Just the sound of his voice has me needing to touch myself.”
“What is he saying to you?”
“He’s saying he wishes he were my hand.”
“I wish I were your hand.” His breath sounded heavy. Thick. “What is
your hand doing?”
“It’s rubbing my clit. In small, teasy circles. I want it to be harder, but if
it were his hand, he’d be torturing me.”
“So you’re trying to make it feel like it’s him.”
Impossible. His hands were magic. I’d be on the verge of orgasm right
now if it were really him.
Actually, I was already getting pretty close. “Yes. I’m trying to touch
myself the way he does. He’s so good at touching me.”
“That’s what I see as I’m watching you, don’t I? I see your hand moving
slowly through the fabric of your panties. I see the frustrated expression on
your face.”
His reminder that I better really be doing what I said I was doing was
unnecessary. “I’m so frustrated. It’s not enough. I’m begging for more. Give
me more, Scott.”
I heard another rustle of movement followed by a zipper. “You’ve
spread your legs, and now your hand has moved down. You’ve put your
fingers inside you.”
“How many?”
“Two to begin. Are you wet?”
“I’m soaked.” I paused so I could mirror the pose he’d asked me to take.
Then I stuck two fingers inside me, stopping at the second knuckle so I
could pull them out only to put them back in.
“Deeper, Tessa,” he said, as though he actually knew how shallow I’d
been with my probe. “I want them as far as they can go. I want you
stretched. I want you to ache. When I look at your face, is it aching?”
“Not yet.” It was a near lie. The dual roles he played, boyfriend and
voyeur, had me turned on like I’d never been before. My desperation did
indeed have me aching.
But I wasn’t aching like I would if he were actually there. I wasn’t
stretched and spread and filled the way I would have been if it were his
cock instead of my fingers. “I wish it were you inside me.”
“Put three fingers in, baby. Curve your hand so your thumb can rub your
clit, and no more going slow. I want to see a steady pace. Can you hear
this?”
I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be hearing at first. But then he
seemed to move his phone, and I could hear a distinct sound of rhythmic
rubbing. Of skin against skin. His hand moving quickly up and down along
the length of his shaft.
“I want to be your hand,” I said, acknowledging I could hear it.
Acknowledging my intense need in the threadbare tone of my voice.
“That’s the tempo I want your fingers to be fucking you. Match that
tempo.”
I did as he instructed, put three fingers in, moved them in at the rough
speed he’d adopted, rubbed my clit furiously at the same time. “It’s too
much.”
“Don’t slow down, Tessa,” he ordered. “I want to see you struggling.”
“I am. You do. You see me leaning my forehead. Against the glass.
Because I can’t. Stand up on my own anymore.” My sentences came out
short and choppy as my breath picked up. “You see my eyes closed. My
face twisted. My mouth open.”
“I’m close,” he said, and I could picture him too—his eyes closed, his
face twisted, his mouth open. “I’m going to come all over my hand. You’ve
done that to me. I’m watching you, and you’re so fucking hot, and I’m
going to make a mess all over myself because of you.”
“Yes, yes.”
“Put your phone on speaker, and flash me your tits. I want to see your
breasts pressed up against the glass.”
I didn’t hesitate. Didn’t even pause to check once more to be sure no
one was watching. I just did as he said—hit the speaker, set the phone on
the windowsill, and lifted up my shirt, wrestling with it one-handed until
my breasts were bare. Then I pressed them against the window.
“Can you see them?” I asked. “The glass is cold. But I’m so hot. I’m
going to come.”
“Your nipples look like daggers. They’re so hard.”
“They’re so hard,” I echoed shrilly.
“And I can tell you’re about to come. But you’re fighting it. You don’t
slow down, but you’re waiting to release.”
I sawed my fingers in and out despite the clenching of my pussy, fought
against my threatening orgasm despite being on the ragged edge. “What am
I waiting for?” I cried, unsure I could hold off another moment.
“You’re waiting for your boyfriend to tell you that you can come.”
“He wants us to come together.”
“He does.”
“What does he need from me to get there?”
In the pause I could hear his hand moving along his cock, his tempo
picking up to a furious pace. “Tell me how close you are. Tell me again
what I see while I’m looking at you.”
“I’m so close. My legs are spread, my knees are buckled. My pants have
fallen to my ankles. My tits are bare against the glass. My nipples are so
taut they hurt. My fingers are jabbing inside of me. I’m so wet. So slick I
can hear it. Oh my God. Oh my God, it’s so hot.”
“Come, Tessa. Come with me.” His voice tightened, and by the end of
his sentence I knew he was already coming.
And I was coming with him. My entire body tensing as I rocked against
the window, my hand frozen between my legs, too afraid the change in
sensation would kill me if I moved it. There were stars in the night across
my vision that weren’t there when I’d looked at the sky, and as much as I’d
tried to hold my sound in, a jagged cry escaped me.
“Fuck, that was hot.” Scott sounded as destroyed as I was when he
spoke.
“Oh my God, the hottest,” I agreed, slumping to the floor, my pants still
around my ankles. After wiping my hand on my shirt—I was not in a state
to be concerned with whether or not that was gross—I picked up my phone
and turned off the speaker before bringing it to my ear. “I wonder if Bennie
and Tey heard me in the other room.”
“Shit, Tess. Are you trying to get me hard again?”
I let out a harsh laugh. “If you are, you’re on your own because I am
nowhere near recovered.”
“Duly noted.”
We fell silent. I was still trying to catch my breath, trying to steady my
heartbeat. As I came down from the high, my brain kicked in. This thing
with Scott had to be more than just sneaking around and phone sex. The
kink was fun, but I’d reached a point in my life where I’d learned that the
fun always fizzled eventually. That’s when the guy usually disappeared.
I didn’t want Scott to disappear.
I said I could give him a day. Truth was, I could give him longer than
that. Knowing me, I’d give him too long. I always did.
A sort of hopelessness started to creep in at the edges of my good mood.
I wanted so badly to keep it at bay. Needed to keep it at bay. Needed Scott
to help me. “So tomorrow…”
He jumped right in. “I didn’t talk to them tonight because my mother is
always sulky after my father has spent the day golfing and because I was
going to be with you. Monday night is our standing family dinner night
anyway, which is the best time for trying to keep my parents’ attention.”
“Family dinner?” Being an only child from a single mother, a family
anything was a somewhat foreign idea.
“Immediate family. Though it’s only about once a month that all my
siblings show up. It tends to work out for the best that way so we can rotate
who has to bear the criticism and regret. It was already my turn, so it’s
perfect timing.”
“Yuck.” It made me wonder why any of them would continue to go. The
power Scott’s parents held over their children really was stronger than I
understood. Which got me thinking... “What will happen when you tell
them?”
“Well.” He cleared his throat, and I braced for him to either say
something terrible or for him to lie. I didn’t know which I’d rather hear.
“They’ll try to talk me out of it, of course. Try to bribe me. My father will
tell me to forget my transfer and then will give me a list of failures that
validate why I didn’t deserve another position anyway. A typical family
dinner.”
My stomach clenched. “That sounds horrible, Scott. How can you stand
them?” Why did he stand them was the real question. And would he end up
backing down?
“It’s how they’ve always been. I guess I’m used to it.”
“But you don’t have to be. Parents don’t have to be terrible, and when
they are, they don’t have to be part of your life.” It hadn’t been my choice
to be abandoned by my father, but having been, I was fully aware that it was
possible to live without him.
Of course, it was probably a lot different for Scott being a Sebastian and
all. I’d had enough experience with the elite to know their ties held stronger
than others. Their bonds often impossible to break.
I expected him to tell me that now, but instead he said, “You make it
sound so easy.”
I wanted it to be that easy for him. Not just for what it meant for us as a
couple—were we really a couple?—but for what it meant for him as a son.
As a man. He was already so much. How much more could he be if he took
charge of his life and stopped letting them pull him down?
I should have told him so, but the words didn’t come. The most
inspiration I could give him was, “Good luck.”
“There’s no reason to worry, Tessa,” he said, seeming to sense my
unvoiced concerns. “I’m going to stand up to them. The only reason they’ve
had power over me in the past is because I didn’t have any good reason to
fight with them. Now I do. And I will. No matter what it takes.”
My chest warmed, and my muscles relaxed. And maybe it was naïve to
believe anything a hot boy said, but I did, and if it bit me in the ass in the
end, then so be it.
“I miss you,” I said, the words slipping out without warning.
“I miss you too, baby,” he said without hesitation, relieved maybe to not
be talking about his parents anymore. “Not just because I want to marathonfuck you all night. I miss looking at you. I miss breathing the same air you
breathe. Is that stupid? I only dropped you off six hours ago. What are you
doing to me, Tessa Turani?”
I grinned, a wide dopey grin that I would have been shy to show him if
he were present but wouldn’t have been able to hold back. Shocks of
pleasure spread over my body, making my skin tingle and my belly twist
and my pussy buzz and my heart feel full.
“I don’t know, Scott Sebastian,” I said honestly. “But whatever it is,
you’re doing the same to me.”
EIGHT
SCOTT
“YOU’RE HERE EARLY,” I said, surprised to walk in and find my brother
in my parents’ penthouse living room.
Cole looked up from the bar where he was pouring more than two
fingers of something amber into a tumbler. “You are too.”
“That I am.” It was unusual for both of us. While my parents didn’t
tolerate tardiness, my siblings and I had perfected the art of arriving Just On
Time. Rare was the occasion when not one but two of us arrived for the
weekly dinner a whole hour before serving time.
He held his drink up as if to ask if I wanted one. When I shook my head,
he explained his presence. “I was out of the good scotch at the office. You?”
“I have something to discuss with them.” There was no need to specify
the them. “Thought if I got here beforehand, I’d have a better chance at
gauging their moods.” I wasn’t going to add that my anticipation over the
conversation had made it impossible to sit at my desk one minute more than
necessary. Even with typical rush-hour traffic, I’d made it to the Upper
West Side well ahead of dinner.
He considered. “Right now I think you’re at a three for Mom. Five and
a half for Dad.”
We’d developed the parental mood scale years ago. It ran from one to
ten, the high end being the that-might-have-been-a-smile side of the scale,
the low end being the run-for-your-life side.
“They’re in good moods then.”
“The most surprising part about it is that they’re in the same room and
still just as chipper.”
“Hmm.” The knot of tension in my shoulders tightened. They never
chose to spend time together voluntarily. And if they’d been in good moods
when they’d entered the room, it was safe to say it wouldn’t last. “Where
are they?”
Cole unbuttoned his jacket as he sat down in the wingback armchair.
“Library.” He lifted one foot then the other to the foot rest, not bothering to
remove his shoes before he crossed them at the ankle. “Dad got in a new
revolver today. He’s unpacking and inspecting it. Cataloging every scratch
and nick. You know the drill.”
“That explains why you gave him a five.” My father’s favorite hobby
besides golf was his collection of antique guns. It wouldn’t have surprised
me to find out he’d named the collection as his sole benefactor in his will.
Either that or he’d bury them with him. I was one hundred percent sure he
loved them more than any of his children except for his only daughter.
“Five and a half,” Cole corrected, as though the half made a difference
because it did. “Mom decided to take advantage of his fine spirits and
followed him in. She’s working on a guest list and wants his input.”
Oh, God. My father hated any type of event planning. So much for that
half being relevant. He was likely already on his way down to a four.
I’d been torn whether or not to bring up my engagement before or
during dinner. Now I was definitely thinking before.
I took a step toward the library and paused. “What event is she
planning? Do you know? Do I want to know?”
“Your engagement party, it seems. Funny that I hadn’t been informed
that you were engaged.”
“I’m not.” And now I was reconsidering that drink. My mother was a
finisher. She was not going to be happy to be told her planning was for
naught.
“Mom sure seems to think you are.”
“Well, what she thinks and what is are often quite different.” I crossed
over to the bar and grabbed a tumbler from the cupboard, then poured some
of “the good scotch.” Whiskey wasn’t my usual drink of choice, but I
needed something with a swift kick to settle me before going in that room.
The first sip sent a scorching burn down my throat. The second sip was
less harsh, and the weight on my chest started to feel bearable.
“Tell me something,” I said, knowing that I should be headed into the
library instead of prolonging the inevitable. “How did you get Dad to
transfer you without being married?”
Cole was older by two years, and I’d always assumed his status as first
son was why he’d been given his dream position at SIC as soon as he’d
asked. But now that I actually thought about it, giving anything to anyone
without making them jump through hoops was not my father’s style.
Especially when the anyone was one of his sons.
“Oh, so that’s what he demanded.” He nodded as though something had
fallen into place in his head. “He’d mentioned he was considering putting
you on the board. I didn’t put two and two together.”
“And you’re VP of strategy. Aren’t you supposed to be a whiz at
connecting the dots? Something smells of nepotism.”
We chuckled in unison. Nepotism ran galore at SIC, but that didn’t
mean any of us were undeserving. We’d been bred for the sole purpose of
one day working at the family business. We’d grown up learning every
aspect of the company alongside our normal studies. We’d been tested and
given grades as far back as I could remember. No one was more qualified to
take on a position of importance than a Sebastian.
Which was why I deserved to work in research and development instead
of in fucking PR. I’d had years of covering up my father’s shitty image. If I
had to do it for even one more, I knew I’d throw myself off the SIC tower.
Or, that had been my attitude before Tess.
Stomaching the job was a lot more tolerable when she was a part of the
day. Maybe it was too soon to think about a future with her, but telling my
parents I wasn’t marrying Kendra Montgomery automatically put my future
under scrutiny. And if it meant staying where I was at SIC for the rest of my
life to merely get a chance at something more with her, it was a no-brainer.
Sign me the fuck up.
“Marriage, man,” Cole said sympathetically. “That’s a pretty intense
stipulation, even from Dad. The ‘rents must be getting anxious for
grandchildren.”
“That was my impression.”
“Well, it wasn’t the bargaining chip he used with me. Believe me,
though, the old man has a creative mind when it comes to torturous terms in
his bargaining. VP of strategy didn’t come for free.”
Of course it hadn’t. How had I ever thought otherwise?
It was clear my brother wasn’t going to offer more details of the deal
he’d had to make, and I could have asked, but there was sort of an unwritten
rule amongst the five of us not to speak of the arrangements we had with
our parents. As if not talking about them somehow gave them less power. It
was easier to pretend we lived normal lives with normal familial bonds if
we didn’t give voice to the cruel expectations that accompanied the
Sebastian name.
As ruthless as our parents’ demands might be, they always were open to
negotiation. At least there was that.
I took another sip of the scotch before putting the half-drunk glass on
the bar. “I’d better go in there.”
“Unless you want to wait until Mom has her wine in hand at dinner. But
I wouldn’t recommend that. Zach’s coming.”
That was all he had to say. Zach was our youngest brother, and
whenever he was in the room, our father’s focus was on him. Not because
he was a golden child by any means, but because the kid got into more
trouble than the rest of us combined. Dad frequently said he had shit for
brains, but I had a feeling he was probably smarter than us all. He’d
certainly learned how to get attention when the rest of us fought for any
scrap we could get. It didn’t matter that the attention was negative. At least
he was seen.
“Alrighty then. Going in.” I took a deep breath and started for the
library door when Cole called after me.
“Word of advice? Don’t agree to anything without asking for time to
think it over. Dad has a way of making it seem like you don’t have any
other options, but you always do.”
“Always?” I gave him an incredulous look. From my experience, Dad’s
gift was making sure there actually weren’t other options.
“Always,” he repeated.
If he believed it then...knock on wood.
Literally. I rapped three times on the library door.
“Come!” It was my father’s distracted tone. I wasn’t surprised to see
him standing behind his desk, completely engaged as he shined his new
pistol with a cloth. “Pre-twentieth century,” he said, holding it up for me to
see. “Lion-headed ivory grip. Back when you could get tusks without all
that animal rights fuss. Only had to spend twenty-five Gs.”
Thank God I didn’t have to feign interest or pretend that animal rights
laws weren’t a good thing because my mother jumped in from her spot on
the sofa. “Oh, good, you’re here.” Her almost pleasant expression quickly
turned into a scowl as she looked at the nothing behind me. “Where’s
Kendra?”
“What do you mean, where’s Kendra?” I panicked suddenly. Was she
coming to dinner? This was the first I was hearing about it. Fuck, I’d
underestimated how badly tonight could go.
“You didn’t invite her,” she said accusingly, and relief flooded over me
despite the lecture I already knew was coming. “She’s going to be part of
the family, Scott. From here on, she should be here when you are. She
should be here when you aren’t. Now. Tell me. Should we do black tie or
semiformal? I can’t decide.”
So we were going to get right into it. That was fine. Probably. I didn’t
have to worry about buttering them up with small talk first, though maybe
that put me at a disadvantage.
Either way, the path had been laid. “I’ll make it easy, Mom—the
wedding’s off.”
“What? Kendra broke it off?” Mom didn’t wait for an answer before
twisting toward my father. “I knew she was wishy-washy, Henry. When it
took her three months to give us an answer, that should have been our first
clue.” She turned back to me. “Never fear, honey. I already have Shelby
Ford as a backup. She was actually my first choice, but your father insisted
that the Montgomerys’ philanthropic efforts brought more to the Sebastian
image.”
“She’s an heir to the automotive industry, Margo. The environmentalists
will have a field day.” His eyes never left his gun.
“You agreed she would be the alternate.”
Dad peered up, ready to challenge her. Then seeming to remember that
he’d made that deal in earnest, he threw his hand in the air. “Bah.” He
returned his attention to his firearm. “She better return that ring.”
“She’ll return the ring,” my mother assured him. “Did she say she
wanted to keep it?” This was directed back to me.
“Uh.” I paused, suddenly wishing I’d brought the scotch. The two
always bickered, but normally it was all-out war. Tonight the arguing was
less intense. More like they were a united front despite any surface
disagreement.
Two against one. That didn’t bode well for me.
“Spit it out, Scott. Do we need to call Rudy?” Dad loved to threaten
getting his lawyer involved.
Brave the fuck up. “She hasn’t said anything. She isn’t the one breaking
this off. You can talk to her directly about the ring, but I don’t think it will
be an issue.”
For the first time since I’d come in the room, my father truly looked at
me. “What do you mean she isn’t the one breaking this off?”
My mother whipped off her reading glasses. “Did you discover a
skeleton in her closet? I knew the Montgomerys weren’t as rosy as they
appear to be. See, Henry?”
“I thought we’d run a thorough background check.”
We had been me. Or my people. Everyone SIC intended to work with
had a background check. Always about protecting our image. So if there
had been a skeleton, it made sense to assume it was me who’d found it.
I briefly considered using that as an excuse. But that would only buy me
so much time, so I braved the fuck up. “No skeletons. Nothing wrong with
Kendra or the Montgomerys. It’s me. I’m breaking it off.”
“What’s wrong with you then?” Dad asked, adopting his critical voice,
the one that he used to bully someone into compliance.
“Nothing’s wrong with me.” Except that I’d been stupid enough to
agree to this idea in the first place. “I’ve just changed my mind.”
He pressed on. “You’re realizing you aren’t ready to take over R&D,
aren’t you? Of course you’re not, but you’ll be fine. Baptism by fire. You’ll
have help. We won’t leave you to fuck it up on your own.”
“No, that’s not…” The better choice would be to let his words roll off
my back, but I couldn’t help myself. “I’m more than ready to take over
R&D, thank you very much. Compared to McAllister? He’s got his head
stuck in his ass, and his ass is stuck back in 1989. I’d bring us the
innovation SIC needs, and you want to worry about your image so much,
that’s where it needs improvement, Dad. Stop running the company like it’s
a dinosaur.”
“So then, what’s the problem? You’ll marry the girl, you’ll get the job,
you’ll change the company.” He pointed the gun in my direction, which I
was sure was unloaded but still felt a bit jarring.
I stared at the weapon, unsure it was the wisest idea to argue with a man
holding a revolver, loaded or not. “Well, you should give me the job
because I will change the company, but no. I’m not marrying the girl.”
Thankfully, he lowered his gun to the desk. “You agreed—”
“I did,” I said, cutting him off, fearing his tone as much as the gun.
“And now I’m disagreeing. I changed my mind. I’m not ready to be
married.” At least, I wasn’t ready to be married to her.
My mother, who’d been studying me, narrowed her eyes. “Is this about
that ethnic girl?”
“God, Mom, you’re horrible,” I said, flinching, strangely thankful to use
my disgust with her prejudice as a method of deflection.
“Indian,” Dad said, as though the lack of specificity was where the issue
lay.
“Iranian,” I corrected. “Half-Iranian. Not that it fucking matters, and
no.” Well, yes. “This is about me realizing I don’t want to have anything to
do with an arranged marriage.”
“Ah, that’s where she gets her nice skin,” my mother mused. “Persian
women have the prettiest olive tone.”
“You can still fuck around, Scott.” My father didn’t even look at his
wife as he granted me permission to commit adultery. “You’re worried
about losing out on all the pussy, and I’m telling you, it’s not an issue. In
fact, you’d be surprised how many women are turned on by a gold band.”
“Ew, Dad.” I glanced at Mom, who was staring my father down with
hate in her eyes.
Okay, so her mood was probably now a three at best. Not that I could
blame her. I had to speed this up. “Look, I know what sorts of arrangements
are possible in a relationship, and that’s cool if that’s what you’re into, but
I’ve decided that’s not the sort of marriage I’m interested in. Okay? Not a
big deal. I’ll wait to get hitched. Good thing we got this all sorted out before
an official announcement was made. I’ll take care of covering any leaks that
might have gotten out from the party on Saturday, call it a
misunderstanding. Might even be able to use it to cover up that harassment
lawsuit we have going on in the Ohio plant. Everything works out. We
good? Good. See you at dinner.”
There, it was done and said, and now I was getting the fuck out of there.
I’d just turned around when my father stopped me. “Hold it right there,
son.”
It was the tone no one could ignore. The big boss tone. The one he used
in the boardroom or when he was tearing apart some poor innocent minion.
Slowly, I turned back around.
“You’re not getting the transfer without a wedding ring on that finger.”
“That’s a bad decision on your part, if you ask me, but I figured as
much.” Totally as expected, but then I had to push it. “Who knows? Maybe
I’ll get married sooner than you think. The old-fashioned way. You know, to
someone I love.”
He let out a sadistic laugh. “Boy’s turned into a pansy-assed romantic.
This is your fault, Margo.” As if my mother were any better of an advocate
for romance than he was.
She’d checked out of the conversation, leaning on her death glare to
communicate her thoughts and feelings. Fortunately, the glare was mostly
aimed at my father, which was likely only going to exacerbate his anger at
me.
Obviously it was not a time to argue. “Yep. Busted. I fell far from the
tree it seems. Sorry to disappoint you. Oh, that’s right. You were already
disappointed. So nothing’s changed.”
Okay, maybe I needed to work on how not to provoke an angry bear.
Dad pointed a stern finger at me. “And don’t you dare think you’re
getting that position if you marry that Turani girl.”
“Hold up.” She wasn’t even in the room, and yet every muscle in my
body went into protective mode. “You said you picked my bride, and I’d get
a seat on the board. You only said I had to get married to get the transfer.
You didn’t say you had to approve my marriage.” Not like I was saying I
was marrying Tessa, but he needed to know the option was open.
He straightened, and though he was only an inch taller than I was, he
seemed to loom. “You changed your mind, I can change my mind.”
Stand down, stand the fuck down.
I meant it for myself, but if he wanted to listen to my inner voice as
well, that would be awesome.
I took a steadying breath. “Fine. I’ll stay VP of image and outreach.
Been dealing with your shit so long, no one knows how to cover it up better.
Everything’s back to status quo. You can go back to playing with your gun.”
I turned once more, needing to get out of the room before I socked him
in the face.
“You are not marrying that girl, Scott.”
I whirled around. “I’m not marrying anyone right now, Dad. Stop
getting your panties in a wad.”
“Not now, not ever.”
Walk away. Don’t be stupid, and walk away.
“Or what?” I challenged back.
That was my mistake. Standing up for the possibility of marrying a
woman I still knew so little about. I should have walked away, should have
agreed for the time being and dealt with his threats later when and if
marrying Tess actually became a thing.
But I’d had to fight about it now.
And in doing so, I showed him my weakness. Showed him how much
Tessa meant to me.
I could tell the minute he realized, the way his features pulled together
into a cold, hard expression. “New deal,” he said. “You marry Kendra
Montgomery as planned. You get the position in R&D, you get the spot on
the board, and I’ll even get you two a nice condo as a wedding present.”
“And if I don’t?” Because I wasn’t. In the brief silence that followed, I
prepared myself for his next inevitable threat. He’d fire me. That would be
it, I guessed. Would I leave for Tessa? Sure. I was just pissed enough to do
it. I was even looking forward to telling him. He’d be so shocked he’d wet
his pants.
I was ready. Bring it on.
“If you don’t,” he said finally, “then that little women’s foundation you
want SIC to sponsor? You can kiss that deal goodbye.”
Now that, I hadn’t seen coming.
NINE
TESS
TEYANA STARED at the lobby directory. “You’re sure he said the ninth
floor?”
“I’m sure.” She knew as well as I did. She’d been standing right there
when the driver Scott had sent had dropped us off and instructed us where
to go next.
But I knew why she wanted reassurance. Because according to the
directory, the Dysautonomia Center was located on the ninth floor, and
though we hadn’t been told specifically to go there, it had to be where we
were supposed to end up.
A tentative excitement bubbled up inside of me as we climbed into the
elevator. What on earth are you up to, Scott Sebastian?
I pressed the nine button on the console, and as the doors closed, I
hoped he’d be there to clear everything up when they opened again.
I didn’t just want answers about the strange mission he’d sent us on this
afternoon. I hadn’t really talked to him since before his meeting with his
parents the night before, and I was dying to know what happened. When I’d
messaged him at midnight, desperate for intel, he’d sent back a short text.
Everything’s good. Will talk tomorrow. Sleep well, baby.
I responded passive-aggressively, giving him a thumbs up and a sleepy
face emoji. I didn’t know what else to say when his message had been an
obvious dismissal, and though his tone was meant to be uplifting, it had sent
me into an anxious fit that had me tossing and turning all night. Why did he
want me to wait to hear more? Why had he waited until I’d nudged him to
reach out at all? Why did he feel like it was necessary to say that everything
was good? Was there a reason I would have thought otherwise?
They were stupid anxieties based on nothing, but I couldn’t help the
niggling feeling that there was some reason he wasn’t saying more.
I’d finally fallen asleep around five in the morning. When I woke up a
handful of hours later, I’d reached for my phone, determined to ask for
some reassurance, but as soon as I’d checked the screen, I’d found another
text from him.
Clear your afternoon. You and Tey. I’m sending a driver to pick you
up at 2.
It occurred to me then that Scott wasn’t saying more because he was
planning something good, not because he was avoiding telling me
something bad. I’d started to have my doubts when the driver had taken us
toward Kip’s Bay because what on earth was on the East Side? Now that I
realized where he was sending us, I was more convinced he had a surprise
up his sleeve.
“Your man is up to something,” Tey said, voicing my exact thoughts. I
could hear the hopefulness behind her words, and part of me wanted to tell
her to not get too excited. Just because Scott had sent us to a premier
dysautonomia clinic, not just in Manhattan but in the whole country, it
didn’t mean that he’d somehow gotten her an appointment. There could be
a dozen other reasons why he wanted us to meet him there.
Not that I could think of any of them at the moment.
“I’m just glad I had the time off so I could do this with you.” Kendra
called it time off after I’d put in so much extra work while she’d been gone,
but I knew it was really about giving us both space, which was fine by me.
It was understandable that she needed to sort through her feelings about my
betrayal without me around. I had my own feelings of betrayal to deal with,
feelings that I’d buried for a long time while she’d made sure to keep me on
the sidelines. Though I’d been disloyal by going behind her back, I was
more and more convinced it had not only been the right thing to do, but also
the only thing I could do if I had any hope of one day breaking free of her
hold and having my own meaningful career. An impromptu vacation gave
me time to put those feelings in perspective.
Best part, it was paid time off.
“You fucking deserve it,” Teyana said, not for the first time, as the doors
opened on our floor.
All thoughts of Kendra were abandoned as I scanned the area for Scott,
not finding him anywhere.
“He’s probably waiting for us in the clinic.” Tey had forgotten her cane,
but I had a feeling the reason she grabbed onto me was as much about her
nervous anticipation as it was about her POTS. “Come on. Let’s go.”
There were only a few other offices on the ninth floor besides the clinic,
so it only took us a minute to find the correct suite. I pushed open the heavy
wood door and scanned the waiting room, seeing a couple with a teenage
daughter, an elderly gentleman snoozing by himself, a camera crew filming
a man in a lab coat speaking with a woman in a wheelchair (NYC, man—
there was always something), and finally, standing in front of the reception
desk with his eyes trained on me, Scott.
A smile broke across his face. “That’s her,” he said to the receptionist,
then strode over to us.
With the way he looked at me as he approached, I thought he would pull
me in his arms, but he stopped suddenly when he got to us and put his
hands on his hips, a curious awkwardness settling between us.
“Hi.” His eyes flicked from mine to my lips, and I could feel him
thinking the same thing I was. Do we kiss, do we…what?
Whatever we were supposed to do, I couldn’t stop grinning. “Hi.”
I was suddenly worried about how I looked. Was I having a good hair
day? Did my lip gloss need refreshening? Why hadn’t I worn something
more flattering?
The way Scott looked at me, though, I got the feeling my appearance
was just fine. He looked at me like a man who’d seen me naked. Like a man
who wanted to see me naked again. Like a man who wanted to look at me
period.
Teyana, who’d been standing patiently to the side like a third wheel
while Scott and I ogled each other, cleared her throat.
His gaze shifted toward her, and his posture changed, as though he’d
just remembered she was there. “Teyana, thanks for coming out on such
short notice. I’m sure you’re wondering what this is all about. How are you
feeling, anyway?”
She started to nod, then shook her head. “That can wait. Let’s address
this first.” She moved a finger rapidly in the air between me and Scott. “She
likes you.”
“I...like her too,” he said, and my heart did a little flip.
“You’d better not hurt her.”
“I have no intention of doing any such thing.”
“Uh-uh. Not good enough.” She stood to her full height, and though that
was still several inches shorter than Scott, she gave the effect of looking
down on him. “You’ve got to actively not hurt her. You get me?”
I wanted to die.
Scott hesitated, and who wouldn’t? Whatever he had planned for today,
he certainly hadn’t expected a full-on interrogation.
Of course, after all the shit I’d had to go through with him and Kendra,
a few moments of unease wouldn’t kill the man.
After a brief pause, he pinned his eyes on me and raised his hand as if
taking an oath. “I solemnly swear to do everything in my power to actively
not hurt Terese Turani, so help me God.”
Tey considered. “Okay. I’ll buy it. But I’m watching you.” She relaxed
her posture. “Now, let’s talk about me. I’m feeling tired after being trekked
across the city but better than I did a couple of days ago. I’m guessing you
didn’t bring me out here just to let me know this clinic exists.”
He chuckled. “No. I would never attempt to educate you on any aspect
of your condition. I am, however, a man with certain connections, and full
disclosure—this is as much about working to actively not hurt Tess as it is
about you. I know she cares deeply about you and wants you to have every
advantage you can, so I’ve gotten you an appointment with Dr.
Steenburgen.”
I gasped. Dr. Steenburgen was a world-renowned dysautonomia
specialist. Even when dreaming of who Tey could maybe see one day, he
wasn’t on the list. “I didn’t think he took new patients anymore.”
“He doesn’t,” Scott confirmed. “He’s too busy heading up the Tisch
Dysautonomia Research Department to add to his current patient load, but
he’s agreed to make an exception.” He looked toward Tey. “If you’re
interested.”
Tey and I exchanged a glance. I could sense her reining in her
excitement. “There’s no way my insurance would cover this. The whole
clinic is out-of-network.”
He swatted his hand in the air, as if her comment was an insignificant
fly. “Cost is not your concern. Whatever you need for treatment will be
covered as well.”
It was my turn to be cautious. “Um, I don’t know if I can let you pay for
this, Scott. It’s impressive, and I appreciate the gesture...” But it was too
much. Way too much.
Teyana crossed her arms over her chest and glared at me. “Is this really
where your morality line is going to get crossed?”
Considering I’d spent the weekend sleeping with an engaged man, she
had a point, and I really didn’t want to be the one who snatched this
opportunity away from her. But it wasn’t just the ethics of it all. It could
take years to get a working treatment plan for a POTS patient. What
happened if we broke up? When we broke up, because odds were it would
happen eventually. Where would Tey be then? Surely he wouldn’t continue
to pay indefinitely.
Turned out my concerns were moot. “I’m not paying for this,” Scott
said. “The DRF is.”
Well, that was more palatable.
Except, the DRF couldn’t afford…
“SIC is going to sponsor them?!” It was the only possibility. The
foundation was struggling right now as it was. They needed the sponsorship
to make a commitment this grand.
Scott nodded. “Yep. And we’re writing into the contract a stipend that is
specifically to be used for Tey’s treatment.” He shifted to her. “Again, if
you’re interested.”
“Of course, I’m fucking interested.”
I hadn’t seen a grin that wide on Teyana’s face since before she’d been
diagnosed. Hell, I hadn’t seen her smile that wide ever. I was grinning right
along with her.
“There is one small catch,” Scott said, and I felt my breath slow as I
braced myself for the worst. “Since all of this is PR related—sorry, I know
that’s gross, but it is what it is—we want to film a documentary following a
handful of people that are helped with the funds. Brings awareness as well
as makes us look good. We’d love for Teyana to be one of those people.”
That explained the film crew. The woman they’d been interviewing
must have been another one of the people chosen for the documentary.
And whoa. A documentary was huge. It would bring so much attention
to the disease. This was exactly the kind of project that the foundation had
wanted to pursue if they got the money.
But how the heck had Scott done all of this? Without my knowledge
and with the contracts not even signed. “You’ve talked to DRF about all of
this?”
“We had some exploratory discussions about it yesterday,” he admitted.
“I didn’t want to tell you until I was sure there was something to tell. The
rest we pulled together today. And in case you were wondering, no, Kendra
doesn’t know yet. I thought it would be more fun if you told her.”
I was floored. About all of it, including leaving Kendra out of it. Mostly
I was shocked about the speed at which he’d thrown this together. I knew
money made people jump, but this? “You’re fast.”
“I’m fast.”
I blushed at the hidden innuendo. “Wow. Thank you. I don’t know what
to say.”
“Ditto that,” Tey chimed in.
“Hey, you’re the one who put this together in the first place. None of
this would have happened if you hadn’t put Sebastian Industrial together
with the DRF.”
Scott’s refusal to take credit put things in a different perspective. I’d
done this. I’d put all this in motion. I’d done it for Tey, of course, but I
hadn’t thought it would directly affect her like this.
From here on out, whatever happened between me and Kendra because
of my deceit, I couldn’t say it wasn’t worth it.
My job wasn’t over yet, though. The papers still had to be signed, which
was likely just a formality at this point, but still necessary. Conscience
Connect had to be paid. The partnership had to be made official. Kendra
would want to move forward as soon as possible. “I guess that means there
will be a coordination meeting this week.”
Teyana’s grin faded. “Tess, your time off.”
Scott rose a quizzical brow.
“Kendra gave me a vacation until the next coordination meeting,” I
explained.
“She deserves the time off.” Teyana was emphatic. “If I have to
postpone this so that she can get it—”
Scott cut her off. “No need to postpone anything. There are still details
to be worked out with the lawyers. I can’t see us scheduling to sign any
earlier than next Monday.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Is that real, or are you just saying that?”
“Does it matter? It’s done.”
I wanted to jump into his arms, but now that I’d realized we were here
in a somewhat official capacity, it seemed even more important to refrain.
Somehow that recognition made the desire to touch him even stronger, the
tension even thicker between us. I wondered if he could see all that in my
eyes, which were locked on his.
“Yoohoo? Lovebirds? I’m still here, you know.”
I could feel myself blushing as I broke from Scott’s gaze to give Teyana
my attention.
“And in answer to your question, yes. I’m still fucking interested.
Camera me up all you want. Which do you think is my better side?” She
turned her face one way, then the other. “Maybe straight on is best.”
Just then a technician stepped out from the back offices. “Teyana
Lewis?”
“That’s me!” Tey said, and the two of us crossed to the technician.
Simultaneously, Scott gestured to the camera crew and followed us
over. “The staff has already been informed about the filming. We’ve got the
necessary release forms signed from everyone except you, Teyana. We can
get that when we get in the back room.”
The technician frowned, as she seemed to be counting all of us. “Not
enough room in the back for everyone. We can take the patient and the
crew. You two will have to stay out here. It should be about ninety minutes
for the full workup.”
“Is that cool with you?” I asked Tey. I didn’t know why I was
concerned. She’d been to plenty of doctors without me in the past.
“I got this,” she assured me.
Scott turned to one of the crew. “RJ, can you take care of the
paperwork?”
“Under control,” he said.
“Then let’s get on back there.” The tech opened the door to the back and
led them all.
I faced the solid wood of the door for a beat after it had closed, feeling
slightly disappointed that I wouldn’t get to be with Teyana during her
workup.
On the other hand, that left me alone with Scott. And being alone with
Scott was always exciting and dangerous. Good thing we weren’t alone
alone.
Except he had other plans for us. “Come on. We have somewhere else
to be.”
A shock of pleasure jolted through my body as he took my hand in his
and tugged me out the clinic doors.
As soon as we were in the hall, we were in each other’s arms, all the
awkwardness between us completely gone.
“I missed you,” I said against his lips in between kisses. “And thank
you. For Tey, you can’t—”
My gratitude was cut short by the intensity of his next kiss. Then the
kiss was cut short by the clearing of a throat. We broke apart to realize we
were standing in the way of a teenage boy and his mother who were trying
to get into the clinic.
“Excuse us. Sorry,” I said.
Scott moved to open the door for them, and I tried not to giggle. When
they were once again out of sight, he reached again for my hand. “This
way.”
Yeah, good idea. Maybe we could find a quiet stairway. Somewhere less
public.
With my fingers laced in his, I let him lead me down the hall since he
seemed to have an idea in mind.
Now that my mouth was off his, I remembered the other reason I was
eager to see him. “Hey, what happened with your parents?”
“Eh, they weren’t happy.”
A much shorter explanation than I’d been hoping for. Maybe he just
wasn’t used to sharing his life with a woman. I was his first girlfriend after
all.
I took it upon myself to prod for more. “You knew they wouldn’t be.
But there wasn’t any drama? They accepted it?”
“I don’t know if accepted is the right word, but I’m a grown man. It’s
not like they can force me to do anything.”
So then they’d put up a fight. The confirmation made me tense up,
which was silly. Like he’d said, he was a grown man. They could be
unhappy all they wanted. It didn’t mean that Scott had to listen to them.
And from what he’d just said, he wasn’t going to. I hoped it hadn’t been an
ugly fight.
Maybe it had been and that was why he didn’t want to talk about it.
Still, I wished he would trust me though to tell me. Wished he would let me
all the way in.
There is time, I reminded myself. This was still new between us.
Instead, I focused on the most important outstanding detail. “Are they going
to talk to Kendra?”
“Yes, but…” He stopped so he could turn to me. “They want to wait
until the DRF thing is all wrapped up. So that she can’t fuck it up.”
The thought hadn’t occurred to me that she might. I considered it for a
few seconds. “She wouldn’t. I know Kendra, and she might be selfabsorbed, but she’s not malicious.”
“It never hurts to be cautious.” Once again he was towing me down the
hall, as if he had a specific destination in mind. “In the meantime, you have
time off? I was planning to steal you for a weekend getaway, but now I’m
thinking we’ll make it a long weekend.”
It seemed like a swift change of subject, one that should have made me
cautious, but Scott knew the way to distract a woman, and it worked. Worry
about Kendra and his parents dissolved into giddiness. “Is that your way of
asking me if I want to go away with you for a long weekend?”
“I thought you liked it better when you weren’t asked.”
I did find a bit of being bossed about a real turn-on. The fact that Scott
knew what kinds of things I wanted to be bossed on was a real plus. “Okay.
I’m game. So where are we going?”
He pulled me around a corner and then stopped abruptly in front of a
closed door. “Uh-uh. Not ruining the surprise. We’ll leave tomorrow. Pack
warm. Bikinis if you have them. I’d be fine if that’s all you wore. The
skimpier, the better.”
“I’ll see what I can come up with.” Now that I couldn’t raid my
wardrobe from Kendra, I’d have to be creative. Luckily Teyana had some
swimsuits I could borrow. I glanced at the sign on the door we’d stopped in
front of. “And why are we at a walk-in lab?”
Looking around first to make sure we were alone, he backed me up until
I was against the wall adjacent to the door. With one hand braced above me,
he leaned his head so his mouth was close to my ear. “Because there is no
way I’m spending four days and nights with you and not fucking you bare.”
A delicious shiver ran through me, and I had to press my thighs together
and swallow hard. “So...STD tests.”
“Yep. You said you’re on birth control, right?”
“Yep.” Why was this so oddly romantic? There’d been men who’d
wanted to fuck without a condom before. None had ever been willing to
prove they were free of infection first, though. None had even bothered to
try to assure me they were clean, which was why I’d been a faithful condom
user despite being on birth control.
The gesture alone was enough to make me want to climb him like a tree
and let him fuck me bare right then and there. “You know, you could just
tell me you’re clean, and I’d believe you.”
He leaned back so he could look me in the face. “That’s very dumb of
you, Tess, and you are not a dumb woman.”
I’d never been so moved by a put-down. “It is dumb of me, but it’s the
truth. I trust you.” Something flickered in his expression. Something I
couldn’t quite read. “Unless... Are you worried your test results will come
back positive?”
“Not in the least.”
“You’re so sure.”
“One hundred percent. I haven’t been raw with a woman in years.”
And again I was swooning. Because this made me special, didn’t it? I
was sure he hadn’t lacked for sex before me. He’d hinted at it enough. Of
all those women, I was the one he wanted to be that intimate with. Me.
But then I realized if he wasn’t worried about the health risk that I faced
by sex sans condom, then he was worried about his. “So it’s me you’re
concerned about. What I might give you.”
He gave me an oh, please look. “We’re both getting tested, Tessa,
because it’s what responsible adults do. And because I very much like the
idea of responsible adulting with you.”
“I like that idea too,” I said, the words coming out quiet since my throat
was suddenly tight. I liked it a lot. I liked him a lot. Liked the way it felt
like we were making a commitment to each other by this simple act. Liked
the way it felt like it was about something bigger than sex, like it was about
something more real and special and intimate.
And if there was a hint of trepidation underneath those feelings, I told
myself it was me. I told myself it was because it was so new. Scott had gone
above and beyond proving himself. With Tey. With this test. With altering
the course of his future plans. Ever since he came clean about his
engagement, he’d been nothing but transparent.
So why, then, did it feel like there was still something he was hiding?
TEN
SCOTT
“WE HAVE A PROBLEM,” Brett said when I answered my phone.
It was the last thing I wanted to hear as I was getting ready to whisk
Tessa off for a long weekend, but I knew Brett wouldn’t have called if it
wasn’t urgent. It was the only reason I’d accepted the call in the first place.
“Hold on a sec,” I said, then placed my cell against my shoulder. “Sit
anywhere you like. Tell the crew if you need anything. I’m going to step
away to take this call.”
Tess’s eyes were still wide as she took in the luxury of the Sebastian
private jet. I adored that about her, adored that about being with her. Adored
the way she got giddy about the printer in the limo and the heated seats in
the Maybach. She looked at things I took for granted and made me realize
how lucky I was to live the way I did.
I loved spoiling her too. Loved giving her a piece of the easy life. I
planned to spoil her a lot over the next few days. Because she was worth it,
but also because it eased my guilt for letting her think my arrangement with
my parents was worked out.
It would be. Soon enough.
In the meantime, I intended to treat her like a queen.
“There’s a TV!” she exclaimed. “And a fireplace!”
Her enthusiasm temporarily lightened my concern about whatever Brett
was about to tell me. “We won’t need it. If you’re cold, there are other ways
to warm up. Like in the bedroom in the back.”
“There’s a bedroom? On a plane?” God, she was enchanting.
“Get settled in. I shouldn’t be long.” I brought my cell up to my ear as I
made my way to the bedroom. “Better be important,” I snapped because I
was an ass.
And because Brett was a good guy, he overlooked my tone. “Your father
got wind about the documentary. He’s a little irate.”
Fuck.
“That’s probably putting it nicely,” I said, tension stringing through my
muscles.
“There were a lot more curse words when he said it, yes.”
I had a litany of my own curse words I was going through silently, many
of which I’d learned from the old man. “How the fuck did he even find
out?”
“A camera crew in a medical office creates buzz, Scott. And you know
how people like to tell things to your father, thinking it will get them in his
good graces.”
I hoped Brett wasn’t one of those people.
Immediately I felt bad for even considering it. My cousin and I weren’t
all that close, but I trusted him. If for no other reason than the fact that I
knew he cared about Tess.
He was also right about people always sharing gossip with my dad, and
the only reason I’d been able to get Teyana in with that specialist was
because he belonged to the family country club. I should have expected
word to get out. I just hadn’t expected it to move so quickly.
I took a deep breath. “Tell him there must have been a breakdown in
communication with the crew, and you’ll look into it immediately. Then
assure him that we have put everything on hold and that there will be no
more progress made until he says so.”
“Got it. Am I lying?”
“Isn’t it best if you don’t know?”
It was Brett’s turn to take a deep breath. “I hope you know what you’re
doing.”
“Yeah, Cuz. I hope so too.”
I didn’t go immediately back to Tess after I hung up. Instead, I stood in
the plane’s bedroom and quickly thought through all my options for the
hundredth time, hoping I’d see something I’d missed before.
Thank God I’d taken Cole’s advice and told my parents I’d needed time
to decide after Dad issued his ultimatum. Dad had been none too happy
about it, but since I wouldn’t budge, he had no other choice but to agree.
Then first thing the next morning, he’d informed everyone in the company
to put a cease on all negotiations with the DRF until further notice. It was
exactly what I would have done in his position. He had to keep his leverage
after all.
Of course, there was nothing for me to decide. No way was I marrying
Kendra. But I also was hell-bent on not killing the DRF sponsorship. It
would break Tessa’s heart. Would she even want me if I made her give that
up just to be with me?
Hopefully, I wouldn’t have to find out. I just needed some time to figure
out a way around Dad’s condition. The documentary was the one lead I had
so far. It had been in the works already, and when the details fell into place
Tuesday morning, it felt like fate. If I started sewing up things with the DRF
now on the sly, maybe SIC would be in too deep for us to pull out. At least
not without creating a PR nightmare, and heaven knew how much my father
wanted to avoid that.
If I played it right, I could use that to my advantage.
It was a long shot, though, and I knew it. No one ever pulled one over
on Henry Sebastian. Chances were that the DRF would be screwed in the
end, and Tessa would hate me for it, and she’d never speak to me again.
More likely, she’d be more mad that I kept everything from her than
that my father was an asshole. I wasn’t an idiot. I knew honesty was the
foundation of a good relationship.
I needed to tell her the truth, and I would.
But I needed time for that too. Needed time to figure out how to show
her the ugly side of Sebastian life; how the price for everything was steep,
how my father managed to taint every single bit of goodness any of us
encountered. It was one of the reasons I’d stayed away from being intimate
with anyone all my life. It was too hard of a reality to share, and I was
struggling with how to expose it.
My grandfather would know how. He’d help me. Grandpa taught me
everything I knew about love. It sure hadn’t come from my parents.
Feeling slightly more optimistic than when I’d taken the call from Brett,
I headed back to Tess. I found her on the sofa drinking a mimosa.
“Everything okay?” she asked.
We had a three-hour flight ahead of us. It was the perfect opportunity to
lay out the truth. But did I really want to crush her at the beginning of our
vacation?
“Just a work snafu. Brett’s got it handled.” I sat down next to her just as
the plane began to taxi, and a too-thin, blonde flight attendant immediately
appeared with a mimosa in hand for me.
“Is there anything else I can get you at the moment, Mr. Sebastian?” she
asked.
I looked to Tess, who shook her head. “No, we’re good. Thank you.”
“Fine. If you need anything, I’ll be behind the curtain. You’ll want to
flick the light because I’ll have my headphones on.”
In other words, she was giving us privacy.
“Oh, and I wanted to say congratulations on your engagement. I was
sure you were going to be a bachelor forever.”
My stomach dropped. Seriously? How the fuck had word gotten out?
I supposed it was possible that someone from the Montgomerys’ party
might have mentioned it in front of the flight attendant. There were limited
companies that hired out for private flights, and so the elite shared a lot of
the same crews.
Or it could be my father spreading the word, hoping to pressure me that
way. If he were willing to take the PR risk with that, no way was my
attempt to get in too deep with the DRF going to phase him.
“Say thank you, Scott,” Tess said, her teeth gritted.
“That’s not really common knowledge,” I said instead. Silently, I willed
Tess to remember that what mattered was what was between me and her.
Screw what anyone else thought.
“Ah...um…” The flight attendant stammered.
“Ignore him,” Tess said. “He means thank you.”
The blonde grinned at my girlfriend. “Are you the lucky lady?”
Tess’s smile was tight. “I’m not,” she said. Then she placed her hand
possessively on my thigh and squeezed.
The attendant went red. “I’ll just go take my seat for takeoff.”
She hurried off, and I placed my hand on top of Tess’s, the one still
resting on my leg. “You are very naughty.”
“Well, that’s what you’re going to get if you’re going to date me while
engaged because I am not going to tolerate being anyone’s secret.”
“Fair enough.” And it was fair. I didn’t want her to be my secret either.
She definitely didn’t deserve that.
Which was why I was getting out of the arrangement with Kendra as
soon as we got back to town, whatever the cost.
The plane started picking up speed on the runway, and I threaded my
fingers through Tess’s. “It won’t be much longer. I promise.”
“Those are the words every adulterer tells his mistress.”
“They aren’t just words, and you aren’t my mistress.”
“I know. I know.” She unhooked her fingers from mine to smooth her
dress, as if it needed smoothing, and I wondered if she was trying to
convince me or herself. I hated that she had to convince anyone at all.
I was still trying to think of what to say to make her believe me when
she changed gears. “You know what really feels naughty?”
There were too many ways to answer that question.
She answered before I could share any of my better quips. “Taking off
without wearing a seatbelt.”
“That started off so promising. Now I think I have blue balls.”
She giggled, then abruptly she climbed onto my lap and straddled me. “I
guess I better get more creative then.”
“This is sounding better already.” I brought my arms around her so I
could press her more snugly against my growing erection.
Just then, the plane lifted for takeoff. Her fingers dug into my shoulders,
bracing herself so she wouldn’t slip off my lap. “I guess that’s why planes
have seatbelts.”
“I’ll be your seatbelt.” I tightened my hold and shifted her hips so that
she rubbed against my now-thick cock.
“Oh.” Her breath was fast. “How long is our flight?”
“Are you trying to get a hint about where we’re going again? I told you
it’s a surprise.”
“Actually, I was trying to figure out how much time we had to do
naughty things.”
“We have time for all the naughty things.” I bent my face to suck on her
neck, soft and teasing, nothing that would leave too obvious a mark. I didn’t
want her to feel awkward later when I introduced her at our destination.
“Hmm. Where to start, where to start?” This time, she tilted her hips up
all on her own. I hissed as her pussy rubbed against the straining bulge in
my pants. “Have you fucked in a plane before?”
“What do you think the answer to that is?”
“Didn’t want to make any assumptions.” Another delicious rock of her
hips. “I suppose you’ve been blown before too.”
“I feel like answering might incriminate myself.” I’d been a whore
before her. I’d made no secret about that. There was very little that I hadn’t
done at least once.
But I hadn’t done nearly enough with Tessa. And I wanted to do it all
over and over and over. I’d known her so briefly, and yet I knew in my gut
that I’d never be tired of her.
Was that too much to admit? So soon?
I kissed a trail down her skin, pausing when I realized I had the perfect
view down her dress. Her tits were incredible, plump and firm. I could get
off just from looking at them.
“You know what I haven’t done?” I unbuttoned the top button of her
sundress. Then the next button. Then the next until I could unhook the front
clasp of her bra and let out her gorgeous tits. “I’ve never made you scream
in an airplane.”
She leaned away, a taunting grin on her face, though I barely paid her
expression any notice because now my eyes were pinned to her breasts. I
wanted to cup them in my hands, play with her nipples, make them stand up
sharp and proud. It had been more than three days since I’d touched her
bare skin, and I was physically aching from withdrawal.
But I didn’t want to be too eager. Didn’t want to go too fast. And I was
so close to relief that the anticipation was almost as good as the actual
touching.
“You know what I’ve never done on a plane?” she asked, and now it
seemed like she was trying to wriggle out of my hold.
I loosened my grip, curious where this was going.
She slipped off my lap to kneel on the floor. “I’ve never sucked a guy
off.”
My dick was stone, but somehow it got harder. The suggestion that she
would soon have her mouth on me was definitely arousing, but even more
so was the knowledge that I would be some sort of a first. I’d never been
the hypocritical type who expected or wanted my women to be innocent.
Still, something primitive unleashed in me. Some base need to own as many
of her firsts as possible.
“Have you fucked in a plane before, Tessa?” The lab had told us we
wouldn’t get our results until Friday, so that meant another couple of days
of sheathing up, but I wanted in her so badly, I didn’t even care.
She shook her head, that teasing smirk on her lips. “Good thing our
flight’s long enough for all the naughty things because my mouth wants to
join the mile-high club first.”
I needed my cock out, and I needed it out now.
I forced myself not to open my pants up at record speed, not to stuff my
cock into her waiting lips and frantically fuck her mouth to release. I didn’t
want to just take from her. I wanted to take what she wanted to give.
Okay, maybe I wanted to prompt her a little bit too.
I reached out and twirled a lock of her hair around my finger. “Take my
cock out, baby. I want to see how pretty you look putting it down your
throat.”
She either sensed my urgency or she was feeling it as acutely as I was
because her fingers were nimble and quick as she undid my chinos and
worked my dick out from my boxer briefs.
Her hand was cool as she wrapped it around my solid heat. I watched as
she brought her palm up to wipe the bead of precum off my crown and
bring the moisture down to slicken her grip on my shaft. I watched her eyes,
big and brown and dilated with excitement.
Her intent desire made my cock throb against her palm.
The plane leveled off, our cruising altitude reached, and movement
behind the curtain reminded us that we technically weren’t alone. I knew
from experience that our attendant wouldn’t dare to come out without being
summoned, but Tessa’s gaze flew toward the sound.
“Don’t worry about anyone but me,” I ordered. Then I remembered who
was kneeling before me. Realized her expression hadn’t grown cautious but
more heated. “She might even be listening. She said she wouldn’t, but she
could be. She might even want to take a peek. You better give her a decent
show, let her see how well you treat my cock.”
Tessa’s eyes grew even darker. Her tongue came out to wet her lips, and
then she ran it along the length of me, from my head to my base, like she
was following a drip from a melting ice cream cone.
I groaned when she traced the thick vein back to my crown with her
tongue. When she swirled it around my tip, it was too much.
“Stop being a tease,” I said, my voice rasping. “Put it in your mouth,
Tess, or I’ll put it in for you.” So much for taking what she gave. Lust had
changed my agenda.
“Always have to be the man in charge, don’t you?”
I wanted to be the man in charge. I rarely felt that I was, though,
especially with her. With her, I felt like the man my father treated me like I
was—wild and out of control and desperate. So, so desperate.
That desperation made me want to grip onto power that I didn’t have.
Abruptly, I leaned forward. With one hand wrapped in her hair, I pulled
her mouth down to the head of my cock. “Too much stalling. Time to suck.”
She opened her mouth to say something, but I didn’t give her a chance
to form any words, thrusting my cock inside with a tilt of my hips.
God. Damn. Goddamn perfection. Heaven. A hot, wet paradise wrapped
around my dick.
That’s what it felt like being inside her mouth, her tongue pressed up
along the underside of my cock, her cheeks sucked in to make a tight
channel as I pushed all the way in.
All the way in. Until my crown was tickling the back of her throat, and
my balls were tightening, and I had to fight not to come.
I closed my eyes against the intense pleasure. Slid myself out and
pushed back in then opened my eyes again, wanting to watch her take me,
wanting to watch her struggle with my length and size.
Tears leaked down her cheeks, which probably should have made me
back off, but it somehow turned me on even more. She was the picture of a
wicked fantasy come true, with her mascara running and her lashes blinking
away the moisture and her lips stretched around my width. I was seconds
away from letting go and fucking her with abandon, using her mouth for my
needs only.
But as wild as she made me feel, I was aware of an undercurrent. It
wasn’t calm exactly, but it was sure. It was steady. A river of profound
emotion that flowed deeper than the primal waters of lust, reminding me
that Tessa Turani was not a woman I just wanted to use. She was a woman I
wanted to love.
Could I love her?
Did I?
It wasn’t something I could accurately assess when my cock was
pushing at the back of her throat. I could, though, get myself together
enough to treat her with respect.
If that was what she wanted.
With every last bit of effort I had, I steadied myself, rocking in and out
with shallow thrusts. “You’ve got to give me a sign to let me know this is
okay.” But I was too greedy to pull out all the way so she could say the
words. “If it’s not okay, put your hands on my knees, and I’ll stop
immediately. Okay?”
Her hands flew up and behind her back, the opposite direction of my
knees, and in case I didn’t get the message, she let out a deep moan that
reverberated along my cock, making the spot at the base of my spine pulse.
“You like this?” I asked as I shoved all the way in, needing to be sure.
“You like choking on my cock?”
She nodded, the movement causing her to gag.
I was fifteen solid seconds of pounding away from one of the most
intense orgasms of my life. Once I really let go, I wouldn’t be able to stop,
so I prepared her now. “Here’s what’s going to happen, Tess. I’m going to
fuck your mouth now, hard, and I’m not going to stop until I come, and
when I do, I can put it down your throat, or I can put it on your tits. Keep
your hands where they are if you’re going to swallow it all.”
Her hands stayed firmly behind her back. Honestly, I would have been
just as happy decorating her chest, but fuck. If she wanted to take my cum
down her throat, I was damn well going to give it to her.
With her clear consent, I held her head between my hands and
unleashed, pumping into her at rapid speed. She was breathtaking with her
eyes watering and her tits bouncing, but the thing that really got me was her
deep-throated moan, a sound that said she wanted more of me. Wanted the
best and the worst of me. Wanted it all.
At least, I wanted to believe that’s what it meant. I let myself pretend
she couldn’t mean anything else as I stuttered against her lips and groaned
as my release ripped through me. I emptied myself inside her, leaving my
cock firmly lodged to the hilt until I was fully unloaded.
I was still shaking when I loosened my grip on her head and slowly
withdrew. She didn’t swallow until I was all the way out, her throat bobbing
when she did, and I was halfway back to being hard again.
But first, her…
“That was the best head I’ve ever had.” I wiped the smeared mascara
from her cheek. “Was that okay?”
She smiled coyly, glancing toward the curtains that hid the main cabin
from the flight attendant. “Would have been better if we knew for sure she
knew what we were doing.”
Damn, she was one dirty girl. My dirty girl.
I planned to claim her in every way she’d let me.
“Well, then,” I said, tugging her back to my lap. “This round we better
make sure we make you scream.”
“THIS PLACE IS A PALACE,” Tessa said three and a half hours later
when we walked in the front doors of my grandpa Irving’s house in Key
Biscayne.
An almost ten-thousand-square-foot Mediterranean-style home on
ocean waterfront with stunning views—yeah, it was pretty spectacular.
Though it was on the conservative side compared to most of the other
houses Grandpa had around the world. This was the residence he always
referred to as his “shack.”
I decided there was no need to mention that to Tess. I didn’t want to
patronize her starry-eyed enthusiasm. Hopefully, I’d get to show her all the
other houses in the future. I smiled, imagining seeing her reaction to the
estate in Paris or the Hamptons’ mansion or the beach house in the
Maldives.
Hell, it would be fun just showing her the rest of this place.
Later. After all the activity on the plane ride, I was making an executive
decision. “I’ll give you the full tour before dinner. Right now, we both need
a nap.”
“Did I say this was a palace? I think I meant heaven. A nap sounds—”
Her words broke away with a yawn. “Heavenly.”
“Let’s get you to the bedroom, sleepyhead.” I took her hand, planning to
tow her along with me to the guest quarters. Our luggage had already been
taken up, and while maybe it was rude to not look around for my
grandfather first, I hoped he’d understand us wanting to freshen up before
we made an appearance.
And frankly, I needed a little bit of time to wrap my head around what I
was doing. What we were doing here together. I’d chosen to bring her to the
Keys because I’d wanted to be alone with her someplace warm and safe and
comfortable, but there were a hundred places that would have met that
description. I’d chosen to bring her to the Keys specifically because I’d
wanted her to meet Grandpa. I’d never wanted that before.
And now I did. What did that mean about me? What did it mean about
me and Tess?
I’d been so preoccupied with running away from the relationship my
parents planned for me, I hadn’t had much time to examine what I was
running to. This weekend would give me time to explore that. And maybe
Grandpa would have some insight that I could glean.
Now that we were here, though, with the introduction looming, the
significance of my decision to bring her here made my chest pinch with
something that felt a lot like anxiety but warmer. Something that felt like
being hugged and squeezed and released and smoothed out all at once.
I wasn’t ready to put a name to that emotion, but I was smart enough to
know it would be a scary name when I did.
I was also experienced enough to know my grandfather would try to
name it for me. Which was why a little break before we saw him sounded
like a great idea.
Except best laid plans and all that…
We were halfway down the hall going toward the back stairs when
Grandpa came in off the terrace and cornered us. “Trying to sneak in, are
you? What kind of manners are those? Don’t even have time to say hello to
your host? Has that good-for-nothing son of mine taught you nothing?”
I tensed, wondering if Tessa could tell that his gruff exterior was all a
facade. Unlike my father, who was as much bite as he was bark, my
grandfather was a big old softie.
“Didn’t want to disturb you, Grandpa,” I said, letting him embrace me.
It always felt odd when he did since neither of my parents were huggers,
but the strangeness always melted away as soon as his arms folded around
me. “And I thought it would be more polite to not greet you looking so
travel-worn.” A.k.a. sexed-up.
“Nonsense. I’m ninety-five years old, Scottie. That means I don’t have
time to care about appearances. Though it also means I understand the lure
of an afternoon nap, so I’ll make this quick.” His eyes glanced over at Tess.
“Is this her?”
“She can hear you, you know. She’s not deaf like you are.”
“I’m perfectly aware she can hear me.” His eyes twinkled as he turned
to my girlfriend. “Tess Turani, is it? Scott has told me all about you.”
“He has?” Her brows rose in surprise, her face radiant as she let
Grandpa take her hands in his.
I worried suddenly that she’d be upset that I hadn’t told her much about
him, besides the brief rundown I’d given her when we’d landed. It wasn’t
that I was trying to hide him. Or maybe I was. In some ways, it was even
harder to share the warmth and goodness of my grandfather with Tess than
it was to share the ugliness of my father. The elder Sebastian might have
been the man to build SIC, but he wasn’t anything like the current face of
the empire, and letting people see that felt like admitting some sort of
personal failure, even though I had no control over either of them.
But I needn’t have worried because Grandpa didn’t let her have a single
second to be upset. “Of course, he has. And I can see he didn’t overdo his
description of you in the least. You’re absolutely breathtaking. Must have a
heart of gold too to put up with a loser like this one.”
He winked at me, and I gave him a begrudged smile. He was good at
laying on the charm. I’d probably learned a thing or two from him about it
over the years.
“Eh, not so much a loser,” Tess said, and I could tell she was already
smitten with the old man. “He’s got a few things going for him.”
“I don’t need to hear about the size of his cock, please and thank you.
I’ve read all about it in those trashy magazines the housekeeper picks up
from the supermarket. I’m hoping you’ve found he has some qualities that
extend beyond the bedroom and the bank account.”
“Grandpa, please.” Why hadn’t I counted on him embarrassing me?
Major fail on my part.
“Shush, boy. I’m a modern man. I know how these things work. It’s
why you’re staying in the guest quarters. You can be as loud as you—”
“Grandpa!”
He dropped Tessa’s hand so he could swat me away. “I’ll let you get to
your love nest soon enough. Just wanted to meet the girl and let you know
I’ve arranged for dinner on the terrace around seven. Pulled out all the stops
too. She’ll be impressed, kid.”
“No need to try,” Tessa said. “I’m already impressed. With both of
you.”
He leaned in, curious. “But are you impressed enough? I could tell you
all the best stories about him.”
“I assure you I’m impressed enough. But you can still tell me all the
best stories about him.” It was her turn to wink.
“I know exactly which one I’ll start with.”
“Grandpa, please. Stop being weird.” I wasn’t ready to admit how
enamored I was watching them engage. Admitting that was too close to
naming that strange emotion in my chest, that emotion that burned and
broadened with every breath in her presence.
“Am I being weird? I thought I was being a gracious host.” He turned
back to Tess, angling in as though he wanted to bring her into his
confidence. “I’m trying to be on my best behavior. He’s never brought a
woman to meet me before.”
Oh, God. “She doesn’t need to know that, Grandpa.”
He whipped around to glare at me. “Of course, she does. If a woman
doesn’t know she’s special, she’s less likely to stick around.”
“You’re being a very gracious host,” Tess said. “I feel very welcome.”
“Good. You’re always welcome here. Now I’ll let you two get to
whatever it is you need to get to, and I’ll see you at dinner.”
“Napping,” I called after him as he walked away. “We’re literally taking
a nap.” When I turned back to Tess, she looked like she was trying to fight
back a laugh. “Don’t,” I said. “He’s not as cute as he thinks he is, so don’t
say that he is.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Her smile lingered as I led her to the staircase.
My smile, on the other hand, did not. Something was bothering me, an
urgency clawing at my insides, and I couldn’t pinpoint the source. The
meeting had gone well enough. Grandpa had been embarrassing, but he’d
seemed to like her, and she’d seemed to like him. The anxiety weighing
down on me with my parents was still there, but nothing had changed to
bring it front and center.
So what was it?
We were halfway up the stairs when it hit me, the fear that my
grandfather had subtly planted, and as soon as I realized it, I couldn’t not
deal with it right away. Couldn’t not share the emotion that was unraveling
into words inside of me. Couldn’t not do everything in my power to make
sure she stuck around.
“Tessa,” I said, pulling her to a stop beside me. It was on the tip of my
tongue. A single exhale would push it out. I want you. I need you. I love...
At the last minute, the words became something else. Something easier
to say, though not by much. “You’re special. You know that. Right?”
I could barely breathe as she studied me with serious eyes, taking me in.
I wondered what she saw, what my face told her. I prayed she saw the truth
in my words because the thought of her not sticking around was
devastating.
After what felt like forever, she put her hand up to my cheek, rubbing it
along my beard. “Yeah. I think I’m starting to know.”
It wasn’t as good as if she knew without a doubt, but it was enough to
allow my breathing to resume.
And now I knew what I had to work on: proving it until she knew for
real.
ELEVEN
TESS
“YOU’RE SPOILING ME,” I said, watching as a team of caterers set up a
table in the middle of the Key West Butterfly and Nature Conservatory. All
my senses were piqued. Rushing water and sweet bird sounds hung in the
air. The fragrance from the hundreds of lush plants and flowers that filled
the spectacular garden tickled my nose. Butterflies of all colors and
varieties danced around us. “Seriously spoiling me.”
It wasn’t just a platitude. Scott’s grandfather had lavished me with
extravagance. Last night, dinner had been catered lobster out on the
veranda, which in itself was decadent, but he hadn’t stopped there. He’d
also hired a professional string quartet to play during the meal.
“He did this just for me?” I’d asked, surprised anyone would go to that
sort of trouble, let alone a grandfather of a man I’d been officially dating
less than a week.
Scott had tried to shrug it off. “He likes to enjoy life. He’ll take any
excuse to make a meal an event.”
It may have been normal behavior for the man, but the look Scott had
shot Irving said otherwise.
The treatment had continued after the official welcome. This morning,
he’d had brunch brought to us on the beach, then followed it up with full
body massages by professional masseuses. I’d even gotten a mani-pedi
afterward, without having to leave my lounge chair.
Now, tonight, he’d rented out the entire butterfly conservatory for our
dinner. He was a rich old man, sure, but the entire conservatory? For the
three of us?
“You are spoiling her,” Scott agreed in a tone that confirmed he hadn’t
had anything to do with it. “That was supposed to be my job.”
Irving narrowed his eyes at his grandson. “Maybe you need to do your
job better.”
“You haven’t given me a chance—”
I interrupted Scott’s protest. “You’re both spoiling me.” The bulk of
Scott’s spoiling had come in the carnal form. I’d been treated to a full hour
of cunnilingus before falling asleep last night and woke up with his head
once again between my legs.
Spoiled rotten.
Scott wrapped his arms around me from behind and placed a kiss on my
temple. “It’s no less than you deserve.”
Loved it, yes, but deserved it? “I don’t know about that…”
“Uh-uh-uh!” Irving’s eyes went wide as though I’d said something
appalling. “Tell her, Scottie.”
I leaned out of my boyfriend’s hold so I could look at him. “Tell me
what?”
“‘You get what you expect.’” He recited it in that way that told me it
was something he’d been told many times himself.
“That’s right.” Irving nodded. “You get what you expect. Don’t forget
it.”
I didn’t know about that. It was a little simplistic for my taste. But I
nodded despite being distracted by a colorful bird that swooped so low in
front of me I could see its eyes. “Whoa.”
“Maybe you could get him to land on you.” Scott nudged me to lift my
arm as a perch.
“No maybes,” Irving scolded. “That’s exactly what I’m talking about. If
you think he’ll maybe come and land on you, then maybe he will, maybe he
won’t. Expect him to land, and he will.”
He lifted his hand up into the air, and as if on cue, the bird came and
settled on his finger.
“Whoa,” I repeated.
Scott wasn’t as impressed. “Okay, Grandpa. What’s the trick?”
Irving chuckled. “No fooling you, is there?” He reached into his pocket
with his free hand and pulled out a small handful of seeds, which he held
out for the bird to eat. “I come here all the time. Neville and I are old
friends. He knew I’d give him the goods if he came to me.”
Neville pecked at the seeds, then when he flew away satisfied, Irving
brushed his hands together, letting the rest of the contents of his hand fall to
the ground. Another colorful bird flew down to pick at the remains. Then
another.
“I expected that,” he said with a smile. “In all seriousness, though. If
you approach your life with maybes, then that’s what you’re sure to get.
Approach it with sureness. Totally different outcome.”
“Okay,” I said. Because what else was there to say to that?
“Here, let me give you an example. Tell me something you want.”
Scott’s grip around me tightened protectively. “Grandpa, you don’t need
to give her a lecture.”
“It’s fine,” I said. Scott squeezed me, then let me go as if to tell me good
luck with that and you’re on your own. I took it as a hint to keep things on
the lighter side. “Well. I want that bird to land on my finger.”
“Then pick up some of the damn seed, and do what I did. Too easy.
Give me something real.”
Scott gave me an I-told-you-so look.
Fine. I’d play for real. After all the older man had done for me over the
last day, I could certainly sit through an elder’s lesson. Besides, I’d missed
out on male-guided wisdom growing up. Might as well get some now. “Let
me think a second.”
“Something important to you,” Irving prodded. “Something you really
want.”
What did I want? It had been so long since I’d asked myself that.
Usually, I focused on what I could get. What I could do with what was in
front of me. What I could hold on to and how long.
But what did I want?
I peered over at Scott, who was watching me intently, seeming just as
interested in my answer. I wanted him. I’d wanted him from the minute I’d
seen him. So much time I’d spent trying not to have him, I’d barely ever
acknowledged that I actually wanted him.
Now I had him, or some of him, and I still wanted him. Wanted more of
him. Wanted him for good, or at least long enough to find out whether I
really wanted him for good. I couldn’t imagine that more time with him
would make me want him any less.
I couldn’t say any of that, though. Not just because it wasn’t the thing to
declare for the first time in front of someone’s grandfather, but also because
I didn’t know if Scott was ready to hear it from me.
So I turned my thoughts toward my career. And Kendra. Fucked up as it
was, I still wanted to work with Conscience Connect. I believed in the
organization, and I’d invested my time building it with her. I just wanted
her to take me more seriously. Wanted her to give me more equal footing.
“I want to tie up a sponsorship for the Dysautonomia Relief Foundation
and impress my boss,” I said. Which maybe was cheating since the DRF
was almost all but tied up with SIC, but the key part of the statement was
the end—I wanted the deal to impress Kendra. Wanted her to see what I
could do on my own and realize how much more I could do with her
support.
And most importantly, once the sponsorship was secure, Kendra and
Scott would no longer be engaged. “Yeah. That’s what I really want.”
I snuck another peek at Scott and worried I’d said something wrong
when I found him frowning.
Irving, on the other hand, beamed. “See, that’s what I’m talking about.
I’m guessing you’re already doing the work to land the deal, and now
you’re just waiting and hoping things work out?”
“Pretty accurate.” I didn’t look at Scott, afraid he was still glowering,
but I wondered about his reaction while I continued to give my attention to
Irving.
“Stop hoping,” he said. “Hope isn’t even for the birds. You want to get
Neville to land on you, it’s never going to happen by just hoping. Expect to
get it. Expect that it’s already signed, sealed, delivered. Say it. Come on.
Say it.”
“Uh,” I stumbled, trying to figure out exactly what he wanted me to say.
“I expect that I’ll get it.”
Irving rolled his eyes. “Don’t say it like that. Tell me that you’re going
to get it in a way that I believe you.”
Okay. I could do this. I took a deep breath, threw back my shoulders.
“Hey, Irving. Great things are happening at my job. I’m about to seal up this
killer sponsorship, and my boss is going to be so impressed that she’s going
to give me a raise. And a promotion. A new title too. She might even make
me partner.”
I’d gone too far there, but the rest had been surprisingly invigorating.
“You did good until you said might. Overall, good job, kid.” Irving
winked. “I’m sure you’re going to get it. You can give me an update on it
when I see you next week.”
“Oh, am I going to see you next week?” I braved a glance at Scott. Did
he have another surprise trip planned that I didn’t know about?
“He’s coming to New York for his sister’s birthday,” he said, his
expression less tense than it had been. “I’ll bring you to the party.”
“Another chance to attend a Sebastian event? Man, I really am being
spoiled.” I sidled up next to Scott, eager to be back in his arms. He
welcomed me immediately, dissolving any lingering concern about his
earlier frown. He probably just couldn’t understand why I still wanted to
work with Kendra. Or maybe just the reference to the woman he was still
technically engaged to was enough to put him in a mood.
Or maybe he’d been hoping I would have said I wanted him.
I squeezed him, hoping somehow he understood he was my first choice.
Whoops. There I was hoping again. But try as I might, I couldn’t
convince myself that Scott knew how I felt. Not without telling him.
The caterers had finished setting up the serving area, and now one
stepped over to acknowledge us. “Twenty minutes, and we’ll be ready for
the first course, sir.”
“Great!” Irving turned toward us. “Gives you two lovebirds some time
to explore. I’m going to go use the little boy’s room.”
He nudged us down the path that wound through the tropical paradise,
then headed off in the opposite direction.
“We won’t see him again tonight,” Scott said, reaching for my hand.
“Did you notice the table only had two place settings?”
“That little devil.” I laced my fingers through his and let him lead me
down the walkway past a pond occupied by two flamingos to a bridge by a
waterfall. It really was a romantic date. Was that what all the spoiling was
about? Irving was trying to hook me up with his grandson. “It’s cute. He’s
trying to get us together.”
“We are together.” Spoken in true Sebastian fashion, confident and sure.
So maybe he did know how I felt about him. “Well, he seems to think
we need some help.”
“I think he’s trying to be sure we stay together.”
“He should just expect we will. Expect it to get it, right?”
“You learn quickly.” He brought my hand up to his mouth and kissed
my knuckle, sending a rush of heat through my veins.
Was this what it would be like all the time with him? I’d never dated a
man who’d shown any real interest in being together, let alone staying
together. So much of it felt new that I didn’t have experience with how
these feelings worked long-term.
Would he stick around long enough for me to find out?
Expect he will.
It was so strange saying something so affirmative to myself, I almost
laughed. “That’s such a different mindset than what I grew up with. I was
taught to manage my expectations. Wonder how different my life would be
if I’d been taught what you were.”
With a sigh, Scott stopped abruptly. “Look. It’s not as easy as Grandpa
makes it seem. I know that. We’re rich, Tessa. We get what we expect
because we can afford it.”
I studied him, appreciating that he could recognize that about himself.
“Yeah, there’s privilege there for sure. But maybe that’s why you’re rich.
Because of that mindset. It was your grandfather who earned the money,
right? Maybe he was able to build what he did because he expected it into
being.”
He gave me a skeptical look. “Are you going The Secret on me here?”
“No, no.” I laughed at his reference to the self-help phenomenon that
encouraged people to think a better life into existence. “Like you said, it
isn’t that easy. But also, it kind of is.”
It was his turn to study me. I loved that he’d always looked at me like
that, like he genuinely cared about my thoughts and opinions.
It gave me room to openly explore the idea that was only just forming in
my mind. I didn’t put much credence into unproven science, but there were
significant studies that showed attitude made a difference in a person’s
commitment to achieve. Was it my attitude that had been in the way all this
time?
“All my life, I’ve expected mediocre,” I said, “except when I got into
Georgetown. Then, I expected that I would and that I’d get a full ride, and I
did. But other than that, I expect all the men I fall for to be unavailable
emotionally. I expect Kendra to never see my value, and she doesn’t. I
expect my father to choose his other life over me, and he has. Time and
time again, I expect to be let down. I set myself up for failure. I set myself
up to lose.”
Scott let go of my hand and leaned against the wooden bridge’s railing.
“Did you set yourself up to lose with me too?”
It was a hard question to hear asked. A pointed one, because it forced
me to look at myself and analyze my behavior in a way that made me feel
naked and raw.
But I sensed the vulnerability he felt as well, only because I recognized
it from the many times I’d bared myself to other men by stepping out into
talk-of-our-relationship territory. His asking meant my feelings were as
much of an unknown for him as his were for me.
If he could be that brave, I could too. “From the minute I met you, I
knew that you were…” I paused, not wanting to offend him, but also
wanting to be honest. Honesty won. “You were the guy who fingerbanged
women on rooftops and then dismissed them. I knew who you were, Scott. I
knew you were the guy who would take me home for a night. I knew you
were the guy who would give good sex because of how many women you’d
had in your bed.”
He cringed, but it didn’t stop me from going on. “I knew you were the
guy who’d lose interest, most likely before I did.”
He nodded, his jaw working, accepting the truth of what I’d said. “Well.
Stop knowing that. Know something different.”
My heart tripped over itself as it picked up its beat. Excitement?
Trepidation? I couldn’t be sure what I was feeling until I was sure what he
was saying. “What should I know instead?”
“You tell me, Tessa. What do you want to get from me? What do you
want me to be to you? That’s what you should expect. That’s what you’ll
get.”
The door was wide open, and as much as I wanted him to tell me what
we were and what he wanted, there was a thrilling freedom in being given
the charge. No one had done that before. No one had said, do you want me
to be with you? Then I’ll be with you. Why had I never tried to figure out
what I wanted? Because no one had ever made me feel like what I wanted
mattered, and now here he was telling me the only thing that mattered was
what I wanted.
My response was easy. I wanted him to love me. Like I always wanted
the boy to love me. But with the invitation to say that, I hesitated. Because I
wanted him to love me because he loved me, not because I asked him to.
Though didn’t the very fact that he was offering that mean that he
already did?
I didn’t have time to process that before the conservatory employee who
had let us in approached us. “Mr. Sebastian said to tell you that he’s feeling
tired, and he’s gone home for the evening. He also said not to rush, and
enjoy your meal. Once I let the caterers out, I’ll be out of your hair as well.
If you need anything, you can find me in the front offices.”
Scott thanked her for the information, slipping her a bill that looked like
a hundred from where I stood. When she left, he turned back to me with a
knowing look. “Told you. You know what that means?”
“What?”
He put his arm around me and leaned in as if to tell me a secret. “As
soon as our dinner is served, we’ll have the whole place to ourselves.”
“Plus the birds.”
“And the butterflies.”
So many butterflies. Both those in the sky and the ones in my stomach,
fluttering like it was a warm spring day.
Scott wrapped his other arm around my waist. “Dance with me?”
“There’s no music.”
“Really? It feels like there is.” We were already moving together to a
silent song. Swaying back and forth as we spun slowly.
I leaned my head on his chest. This close, I could smell his woody
scent, even with all the flowers around us. A gorgeous butterfly landed on
his shoulder, the color of its wings rivaling the blue of Scott’s eyes. I
memorized the moment—the warmth of his body next to mine, the call of
the birds, the beat of his heart against my ear.
I want this. I expect this. I should get this, forever and ever.
Could it really be that easy?
I clutched onto him tighter. “Hey, Scott, do you expect to get lucky
tonight?”
“I actually do.”
“What do you know? Your grandfather must know his stuff because I’m
pretty sure you’re right.”
He nuzzled his face in my hair. “The question is do you expect you’ll be
fucked the minute we get back to the house or that you’ll be fucked here in
the butterfly pavilion?”
I leaned back so I could give him my most shocked expression. “Are
you serious? Of course, I’m expecting both.”
TWELVE
SCOTT
“HOT DAMN! THAT ONE WAS FAST.” Grandpa swiveled to face Elias,
his personal assistant. “Did you get a clock on that?”
Elias looked at the screen of his speed gun. “One-eighty-seven.”
Grandpa made a face that managed to look both impressed and pissed
off all at once. “That’s going to be hard to beat. We should have bet on that
one.”
I chuckled, then took a swig of my beer—the only beverage allowed
when watching boat races, according to Grandpa. We’d been out on the
water all day now, having parked early to get a premium viewing spot. Now
that the competition had actually started, I couldn’t decide what was more
entertaining, the high speed racing or my grandfather’s reactions as he
watched.
“Would you really bet against your own team?” I asked him after a beat.
He shrugged. “If the boat I sponsor isn’t going to win, I might as well
make money somewhere.”
This time, I full-out laughed. “Like you need more money.”
He opened his mouth, and I could already guess what was going to
follow. A quip about how you can’t keep money with that attitude or
something to that effect. But then he shut his trap and just smiled. “Not
gonna lie,” he said after a swig of his own beer. “I like money.”
“At least you know yourself.”
“At ninety-five, I sure hope so.”
The next boat prepared to run the course, and we fell into an easy
silence. It was a nice day for lounging. A cool breeze swept across the
harbor, alleviating the otherwise oppressive eighty-nine-degree day. Hot for
October but welcome after the cold front that had landed in New York
before we’d left.
Still, as pleasant as the afternoon was on the yacht, I had other things on
my mind. Not the least of which was the email I’d woken up to.
“Clean,” Tess had said proudly when she’d opened up her own health
report. She’d waved it in my face to prove it, so I’d waved mine back.
“Clean.”
We were minutes from celebrating in the only appropriate way—my
cock bare in her pussy—when Elias had knocked on our bedroom door to
inform us that the boat was leaving in ten minutes.
Celebrating would have to wait until we returned. Which was probably
best since I didn’t want to rush the experience. I wanted to take my time. I
planned to enjoy every single second of the experience, planned to make
her enjoy it as well. I’d been suffering with a semi all day just thinking
about it.
My gaze drifted to the lower deck where Tess lay in the sun, reading a
book she’d found on one of the many bookshelves in Grandpa’s house.
She’d removed her cover-up at some point and was now just in her tiny,
black bikini. Fuck, that swimsuit was killing me. I was already anticipating
what I’d do to her when I finally got to pull those tempting little strings and
watch that flimsy piece of cloth fall off.
Subtly, I adjusted myself and pulled my attention back to Grandpa, only
to find he was staring in the same direction, an appreciative expression on
his face that I imagined rivaled my own. “Hey, now! Watch where you put
your eyes, old man.”
He gave me a guilty smile. “I’m old; I’m not blind. No reason I can’t
look.”
“Not at my girlfriend. Look all you want at other women. Keep that leer
away from her.”
“Girlfriend,” he repeated, conveniently steering the topic in another
direction. “Is that what she’s going to stay?”
I shuddered at the thought of losing Tess. “I’m not planning on ending
things, if that’s what you’re suggesting.”
“No, no. Quite the opposite. Wondered if you were going to make her
permanent.”
Oh. That’s what he was getting at.
I relaxed, which was strange because this was the kind of subject that I
would have expected to make me nervous. Instead, I felt oddly excited. “We
haven’t been dating that long, Grandpa. I shouldn’t be thinking in those
terms yet.”
“But…”
“But, yeah. A permanent arrangement...I could see that happening.”
Saying it out loud was a relief. Thoughts of a future with Tess had certainly
entered my mind, but this was the first time I’d formulated those thoughts
into anything concrete. The idea had been knocking, though, wanting out.
Last night, when I’d pressed her to name what she wanted from me, I’d
really been asking for permission to say what I wanted from her. To say I
wanted all of her, for always.
Now that I’d allowed myself to say it, it was like a floodgate had been
opened. I could see it all: her finger wearing the ring I’d pick for her, her
eyes as I lifted the veil from her face, her belly swollen with my child. A
whole, perfect, wonderful lifetime ahead of me with her at my side.
“That’s what I guessed from the way you look at her. Just wondering
how you plan to do that when you’re engaged to someone else.”
My head snapped in his direction. “Dad told you.” I didn’t know why I
was surprised. My father boasted whenever he could, and he thought my
engagement to a woman with Kendra’s social status made him look good.
It was all about him. It was always about him.
Grandpa looked at me sternly. “I’d hoped you’d tell me.”
“I’m not marrying Kendra,” I assured him.
“Good. I hoped that was the mix-up.” He nodded toward Tess. “She
doesn’t deserve to be a sidepiece.”
I cringed at the idea that any woman deserved to be a sidepiece, but
there was a good chance Grandpa Irving had affairs of his own, and I didn’t
want to get into that fight. “I wouldn’t do that to her.”
“I didn’t think that you would. Though, if you’re technically engaged
right now—”
“I’m working on not being engaged. It’s not…” I sighed. “It’s not as
easy as I wish it was.”
He considered. I could feel him restraining himself, and I couldn’t
decide if I was grateful that he wasn’t letting me have it or if I was
disappointed. Eventually, he asked, “Does she know?”
“Tess? Yes. She’s fully aware of the situation.” That was a lie. “Okay,
not fully.” I thought about saying more. If I explained it to him, would he
have a solution? Would I feel that sense of relief I’d felt admitting that I
wanted a life with Tess?
I probably would have told him no problem if it hadn’t been what she’d
said to him at the conservatory. Up until that point, I’d been comfortable
with the very likely chance that the DRF would lose their sponsorship. I’d
known it was an important organization to Tess, but I hadn’t realized quite
how important it was until she’d told Grandpa it was the most important
thing to her.
I didn’t want to assume that I was anything near that on her priority list.
Still, I felt pretty sure that she wouldn’t support me marrying Kendra for it.
Or it would be a pretty tough choice for her anyway. Which was why I still
hadn’t gotten around to telling her about it.
And why I was having a hard time making myself tell Grandpa.
He made the decision easier by nailing down the root of the issue. “Let
me guess, that son of mine doesn’t approve.”
That was the long and short of it because it was bigger than just his
threat to pull the DRF, whether I wanted to admit that or not. “You know
the kind of profile Dad expects from his board members. He’d never let me
advance. I’d be at a dead end.”
He made a spitting sound. “Henry’s an ass. Always has been. Was
entitled and snotty even as a kid. It kills me that he’s brought that attitude
into the company. Into my company. That’s not the kind of environment I
built. That is not what I stood for.”
I wasn’t surprised by this outburst. For the most part, he tried to refrain
from commenting on how my father ran SIC, but the few times he slipped,
he’d always given a similar impression of frustration.
He muttered some more under his breath, and I caught a curse word or
two before he settled himself down. “Want me to talk to him?”
“Thanks, but no.” It was a nice offer, but we both knew it would do
more harm than good. My father was stubborn to a fault. Whenever he was
challenged, he dug his heels in, even if the right move was to let up.
Especially when it came to his father.
And Grandpa could complain all he wanted about how SIC was run, and
nothing would change. He’d handed the position of leadership over to his
sons decades earlier, and legally, he no longer had any say.
“Thought it was at least right to offer.”
“I appreciate it.”
The next boat had started its way through the course and was now
headed our way. We quieted while it sped past us until Elias announced it
had only clocked at one-seventy-three, and Grandpa lost interest in the race
and turned his attention back to me. “Did I ever tell you what your
grandmother did with her inheritance?”
Generally, Grandpa seemed just as sharp in his nineties as he’d ever
been when I was growing up, so I didn’t question his out-of-the-blue
tangent and just went with it. “Not that I remember. What did she do?”
“Well, more important is what she didn’t do. See, we were penniless
when we got married. Adeline’s father had some money, but he had no
interest in parting with any of it, so we lived in a little shack of a place
while I tried to cultivate the relationships needed to build an empire. I was
obsessed with that, with building something that would be worthy of her.
She, on the other hand, would have been happy just to have a house with
wall-to-wall carpet.
“We were still struggling when her daddy died. He left her a nice little
sum, just enough to buy a nice place in the suburbs and put some in savings.
I could stick with my bookkeeping job, and we’d have been fine. Or she
would have been fine. She would have been ecstatic, actually. I would have
been miserable.”
“You didn’t buy her the house she wanted?” I asked, guessing where the
story was going. That didn’t seem like him. Whether or not he’d stayed
faithful, he’d definitely loved Grandma. She’d been his world, and he’d
doted on her constantly.
“It wasn’t mine to decide. It was her money.” Never mind that married
women didn’t have any legal claim to their own assets back then. He let her
make the decision anyway. This was more like the man I knew as my
grandfather.
“What did she do with it then?”
“She gave it to me to invest. Told me to go build what I dreamed of
building. She knew that I’d take care of her in the end. Unfortunately, I lost
a good portion of that money, and we had a few rough years, but the
partnership that I formed because of that investment led to our first oil
strike, and things, you know, snowballed from there.” He waved his hand as
though he’d gotten off track. “That’s not the point. The point is, your
grandmother sacrificed something important to her so that I could have
something important to me. She said she wouldn’t be happy in her perfect
little home if I wasn’t happy with her. That’s love. That’s real love. I didn’t
know she loved me like that before then. Sure, I’d married her. Because I
was fond of her. Because I thought she’d be a good mother one day. Make a
good wife. But I don’t think I really fell in love with her until then. Made all
the difference in our marriage. I don’t know that we would have been what
we were if it weren’t for that sacrifice.”
Huh.
It was a touching story, one I’d never heard before, but I wasn’t sure
what he wanted me to glean from it. “What are you trying to tell me,
Grandpa?”
His brow creased as though he’d lost his train of thought. “You know,
I’m not quite sure, Scottie.”
All right, then. It was happening. Grandpa was finally losing a few of
his marbles.
He turned so he could clap his hand on my shoulder. “If anyone can
figure out what I meant by it, you can. I have faith.”
“Okay, Grandpa. I’ll work on it.”
But my gaze went back to Tess then. She’d set down her book and
stretched out on her stomach, her swim top undone so her back was
completely bare, and fuck if she didn’t look like a goddess, half naked, her
skin glistening in the sun.
And the only thing I was working on at the moment was a plan to get us
off this boat and back to our guest room as soon as fucking possible.
WHEN WE WERE FINALLY BACK on dry land, I told Grandpa not to
count on us for dinner, and then, after he gave me a knowing wink on the
sly, Tess and I practically raced to our room.
I was on her heels, and as soon as we were across the threshold, I
grabbed her from behind before the door was even all the way closed.
“This excuse for a swimsuit you’ve been wearing all day is driving me
out of my mind.” With one hand resting on her collarbone, I slid my other
hand over her bikini bottoms, stroking the folds of her pussy lips through
the material as I pressed tight against her so she’d have physical proof of
my misery. “All that skin bared, your gorgeous curves exposed, and still all
I could think about was hidden right here.”
“Oh, yeah?” She tilted her hips, and I hissed as her ass rubbed across
my length. “What exactly were you thinking about it?”
“How warm it is. How wet I could make it. How tight it will feel against
me when I’m in you bare.”
“That’s all I was thinking about too. I tried to get into my book, but I
swear I kept reading the same paragraph over and over. I kept getting
distracted.”
I could feel her pulse picking up underneath my palm at her neck. Her
tits rose and fell with shallow breaths. I had the perfect view. I’d been half
hard all fucking day long, but seeing her excited, feeling her excitement
took my arousal to a new level. My cock felt like a steel bat between my
legs, solid and heavy and able to do damage.
I wanted her that aroused. Wanted her as miserably turned on as I was.
“Distracted because you were thinking of this?” I taunted her, shoving
my fingers into her hole, as far as the fabric would let me.
“Yes. But the real thing.”
I pushed in again so the material stroked along the walls of her pussy.
“This isn’t the real thing?” I knew what she meant, but I wanted to hear her
say it.
“I was thinking about your cock.”
I moved my hand from her collar to wrap around her neck, nudging her
head back and to the side so I could reward her with a kiss. At the same
time, I crept my other hand under her bikini, where the damp heat of bare
skin was a reward for me.
“I like knowing you think about my cock,” I said when I’d left her
breathless. I was working on keeping her gasping, one finger massaging her
clit in the way I’d learned she loved best.
She whimpered, the hum vibrating against my palm. “Stop teasing,
Scott. Fuck me. Please? I want you to fuck me.”
It usually took more taunting before I seduced her into dirty talk, plus
the begging on top of it—she was definitely worked up. Part of me wanted
to take pity on her and give her what she so obviously needed.
But after hours of anticipation, I wasn’t sure how long I’d last,
especially without a condom, and I wanted this to be as good for her as I
knew it was going to be for me.
I slid my fingers off her clit, down through her wet folds to her entrance,
thrusting them roughly inside her. “Here, baby. Is this what you need?”
“No. I need...I need…” Her eyelids fluttered as pleasure began to build
inside her.
“You need what? You said you wanted to be fucked. My fingers are
fucking you nice and good right now, aren’t they?”
She panted, her hips bucking against my palm. “But it’s not your cock.”
“Shh, I know. I know.” I kissed along her jawline. “Don’t worry. I’m
going to give you my cock, but first I need you to come. Can you do that for
me?”
“But I want to come on your cock.”
“I’ll let you come on my cock too, but I really need you to come before
that.”
“You want me to make a mess all over your hand?”
Fuck. Her mouth. She was killing me.
Trying hard to ignore the ache of my cock, I stretched my thumb up so
it could massage her clit while my fingers fucked her. “Yes, baby. That’s
exactly what I want you to do. I want you to cover my hand with your
juice.”
She ran her hands up and down the sides of my thighs, moaning as her
pussy clenched around me. She was getting close. A little nudge, and she’d
be there.
“Tess, take your tits out for me. Play with your nipples, and make them
stand up.” They were already firm buds poking against her bikini top, but I
knew that stimulating them was an easy way to get her off.
It was one of the benefits of fucking the same woman more than once.
Figuring out what she liked wasn’t all guesswork. Once upon a time, I’d
thought that would make for boring sex. Instead, it did just the opposite.
With all the basics out of the way, there was more room to explore and learn
new stuff.
And God, I loved exploring with Tess.
Eager to do as I’d asked, she started to reach up to untie her top, then
perhaps realizing it was too hard to get to the strings with me wrapped
around her the way I was, she pulled the cups of her suit down instead.
Or maybe it was a deliberate choice. Because she knew how crazy it
would make me to see her like this, her breasts bare and trussed up, her
fingers pulling at her peaks…
Fuck, if she didn’t come soon, I was sure going to.
As soon as I’d had the thought, she went over the edge. Her head tilted
back, her body shook, her knees buckled, and I had to tighten my grip
around her just to keep her from slipping to the floor.
With my mouth at her ear, I coaxed her through her burst of pleasure.
“Good girl. Beautiful girl. Just like that. Making my hand so fucking wet.”
My dick too. I could feel it leaking at the tip, as though crying in envy of
my fingers.
You’ll get your turn, boy. Soon enough.
She was still quivering when I brought a wet finger up to my mouth to
suck it clean. I loved the taste of her. Loved her smell. Loved everything
about the Tessa Turani flavor.
She tilted her head to watch me, her eyes glazed.
“Delicious,” I said, licking another finger. “Makes me want to get down
on my knees and have a feast.”
With abrupt energy, she pulled out of my grasp, whipped around, and
curled both hands into the button-down shirt I’d worn open all day. “The
only place you’re going is inside me. Not your fingers, not your tongue—
your cock.”
I grinned, cupping her face possessively with my hands. “So bossy.”
Then I kissed her, the taste of her pussy mixing with my other favorite taste
—the taste of her mouth—as I ravished her with my lips and teeth and
tongue.
She was right—the only place I was going was inside her, as quickly as
possible. It was suddenly urgent that I do so. A need so potent, I would have
given up everything I was for the privilege. Abandoned everything I knew.
Sold my soul with not a single second of regret.
Her desperation felt equal. While I pulled at the strings of her suit, she
pushed my shirt off my shoulders. Then she moved to the drawstring of my
swim trunks, each graze of her hand against my jutting cock as she worked
the knot sending a fire through my veins. I was so sensitive, I could barely
stand the touch. As soon as I had her naked, I shoved her hands away and
took over the task, pushing my shorts to the ground and stepping out of
them before pulling her back to me for another savage kiss.
It was a kind of ecstasy being naked with her, each of us pressing our
bodies toward the other, like heavy magnets with no choice but to slam
together at every possible point. It made me feel dizzy and twisted inside.
Made me feel twisted with her, not just literally as our arms and legs got
tangled, but on another level. Spiritual or emotional or something like that.
Something I couldn’t explain, both because it was too new and because it
was too indescribably astonishing. It was a feeling I both wanted to hold on
to and wanted to brace against. Because it anchored me and rocked me all at
once. Because it felt like both being held and letting go.
And I wasn’t even inside her yet.
I pushed her away, needing to catch my breath. Needing to gain some
control. The throbbing of my cock had its own agenda, and as much as I felt
like I wanted to slow down, the crude need to fuck exceeded any other
desire.
I moved to the bed, pushing myself back against the headboard. I’d
thought about this all day, thought about how I’d want to take her this first
time, because it was in every way a first time despite the many times I’d
had her before. I wanted to watch my cock go into her, and I’d wrestled
back and forth between the best position for that. From behind? On my
knees between her thighs?
Now that I was in the moment, I abandoned both those choices. I
needed to be able to hold her, kiss her. Needed this to be as intimate as it
was dirty.
I fisted myself, getting primed though I didn’t need it. “Come sit on my
cock, Tessa.”
She was already climbing up my body, as if she already knew what I
needed, or maybe because it was what she needed too. After scrambling to
straddle me, she put her hands on my shoulders and positioned herself
above my shaft.
“Wait,” I said, stopping her before she sat down. Her expression was
puzzled and frustrated, and fuck, I understood because I was eager too, but
this was a significant moment for me, and I wanted to memorize all of it.
“Wait,” I said again, softer, as I brushed the hair from her face. I kissed her
gently. Then not-so-gently, one hand holding her face, the other still
wrapped around my throbbing cock.
When we were both breathing heavily again, I broke away, clamped my
hand at the back of her neck, and pressed my forehead to hers. “I want to
watch it go in you. Want to watch you take my cock inside you. Watch with
me, will you?”
With my hand bracing her like it was, she didn’t really have a choice
unless she closed her eyes, but she nodded against me all the same. “Yes.
I’ll watch. Anything. I just want you in me.”
Her urgency felt like a live thing between us, a thing born from us both,
a thing that was only ours, and if I weren’t so crazed with lust, I might have
wanted to drag the moment out.
But I was crazed. And I needed her, needed all of her. Needed to possess
her and fill her and belong to her.
I notched my head at her entrance. “Do it, baby. Take me inside you.”
She sank down slowly, slowly, without me even having to tell her to not
rush. Slowly, so I could savor every sensation as inch by inch I disappeared
inside her.
“Ah, fuck. Tess.” I was barely holding on before I’d even gotten
halfway in.
Her sigh echoed my ecstasy. “You’re so big. When did you get so big? I
can feel all of you.”
She slid the rest of the way down, till I was buried to the hilt.
“All of me, baby. This is all of me.” Naked and bare and raw, in every
way possible. “You feel so fucking good.” So fucking good. Like nothing
I’d ever felt before. Wet and hot and stifling, like fucking in a sauna, except
the sauna was only around my dick, and instead of stepping out ten minutes
later, desperate for cool air, I couldn’t imagine ever wanting to be anywhere
other than right here.
And there was more that I felt, feelings that weren’t just about what was
happening where we were physically joined. I felt like I was falling. Into
nothing. Wonderful nothing. The way it felt to fall into sleep after a long,
terrible day. An out-of-control bliss that was impossible to hold on to. A
feeling that couldn’t be forced, only surrendered to. A release even though
I’d yet to climax.
She pulled her forehead from mine and started to rock forward, but I
wasn’t ready. If she moved, I was going to explode. I clapped my hand onto
her hip to still her. “I lied about it being years since I’ve been bare with a
woman.”
My words froze her as much as my grip, a quick flash of panic crossed
her eyes, and I could imagine her thoughts as she tried to make what I’d
said have meaning. Had I been played? Was this why he’d insisted on the
tests?
I rubbed my thumb along the back of her neck, an attempt to soothe her.
“I’ve never been bare, Tessa.”
“What?” More surprise than disbelief. “You can’t mean never, never.”
It was exactly what I’d meant. “Raised to be a safety boy,” I explained.
From the time I lost my virginity at sixteen, I’d always wrapped it up. No
paternity lawsuits if there wasn’t a baby.
“And now...with me...why?”
“Fuck, baby. Don’t you know?” I didn’t give her time to guess.
Capturing my mouth with hers, I told her I loved her with my kiss. Told her
with the upward thrust of my hips. Told her with my hands as they roved
along her skin, as they fondled her breasts, as they wrapped in her hair in an
effort to bring her closer.
I thought the exact words over and over in my head as she bounced up
and down on my cock. Each push inside her, I love you. Each second closer
to my climax, I love you. The words felt tight in my throat, as tight as my
cock felt inside her, and I wanted to say them—no, needed to say them—
but I also needed them to be heard and believed, and saying them out loud
now, while she rode me like a gorgeous fiend, would turn them into sex
words said in the throes of passion; meaningless and irrational.
So I continued to tell her with my body—kissing her and loving her,
forcing her to slow when she wanted to rush, patiently coaxing another
orgasm from her luscious body.
“I’m coming,” I told her as I surrendered to the dizzying spiral of my
own release because I wanted her to feel it with me, feel me spilling inside
her and giving her what I’d never given any woman before her.
“I feel you,” she gasped. “I love how you feel coming inside me.”
As I grunted out the last of my release, I wondered if she meant more
from her words too.
Afterward, we clung to each other, sticky and sweaty and spent. Her
thighs straddled my lap, her head rested on my shoulder as my cock
softened inside her. My hand ran up and down the length of her back, and I
closed my eyes, sure I could fall asleep like this despite the fact that I was
starting to lose feeling in my pelvis. I couldn’t imagine her legs could take
it much longer, either, so even though I didn’t want to, I withdrew from her
and shifted us so we were lying on our sides, facing each other.
She stayed close, letting me hold her, but as soon as I had worked the
covers out from under us to pull over us, she closed her eyes, and from her
breathing, I could tell she was not far from sleep.
A strange sort of panic tugged at me. The words stuck in my throat
earlier now pushed their way up through my mouth and knocked at the
inside of my lips, wanting to be let out. Needing to be said as forcefully as
I’d needed to be inside her. As if this were part of that. As if I couldn’t truly
be inside her without saying it.
“Hey.” I caressed my knuckles along her cheek.
Her eyes flew open at once, too fast for her to have been all the way out.
But as soon as her eyes met mine, she gave me a delirious sleepy smile that
told me she could still drift off soon if I let her. “Yeah?”
I didn’t think. I didn’t hesitate. “I love you.”
Now she was fully awake, her expression stunned.
“I mean it,” I said. “I can’t leave this at half riddles, simultaneously
hoping and fearing you’ll guess what I mean. I just can’t. And I know it’s
fast, and if you’re scared to hear it, well, I’m scared too, but I can’t let you
wonder or worry or not know. I love you, Tessa. That’s why now. That’s
why you. Because I’m crazy in love with you.”
She wound her arm around my neck, bringing us closer together.
“Really, really?”
“Really, really.” I searched her face, dying to hear her say it too, but
trying to be cool if she didn’t. “Do you... Is that...okay?”
Her eyes were glossy as she nodded. “It’s so okay.” Her voice sounded
tight, and I realized she was trying not to cry. “Is it okay if I love you too?”
Greedy me, I needed to hear it for real. “Do you?”
“I do.”
I swear my heart skipped. Like a fucking schoolgirl. “It’s so okay,
Tessa. Really, really so okay.”
We kissed for a while, slow, lingering kisses. Kisses that believed they
had all the time in the world. Kisses that had no reason to hurry.
When at last she drifted to sleep, I wasn’t far behind. And in that
moment between consciousness and void, pieces of my life that had seemed
separate fit together like a puzzle. Grandpa’s story. Grandma Adeline’s
inheritance. The ultimatum my father had given me. The fear I had of
taking away the thing Tess wanted most.
It was all clear. The meaning of sacrifice. What I had to do.
With Tess in my arms, I fell asleep smiling and unburdened. I knew
Grandpa would have the answer. Everything I’d ever known about love I’d
learned from him.
THIRTEEN
TESS
EVEN WITH THE trip in the elevator, I was out of breath when I arrived at
Eden’s desk on Monday morning. “Are we in the usual room?” I asked.
It was odd not having my hands in every part of the negotiation process
between SIC and the DRF. Kendra was keeping me in the loop, but she’d
taken over the lead. I wasn’t even sure what specifically we were discussing
at today’s meeting. All I knew about it was the late-evening text I’d
received from her soon after I’d gotten back to my apartment Sunday night
telling me to be at SIC at 11:00 a.m. sharp.
It was not 11:00 a.m. sharp. According to the clock on the wall behind
the front desk, it was 11:03 a.m.. Hence why I’d been rushing.
Eden’s mouth turned down. “Didn’t you get the message that the
meeting was canceled?”
“No. I did not.”
Which was not at all her fault. It was the fault of this stupid day. As
wonderful as the trip to the Keys had been with Scott, this day was terrible.
First, I’d set my alarm for p.m. instead of a.m. Then, in my haste to get
ready after sleeping in, I’d accidentally splattered mascara all over the pale
pink blouse I’d chosen. It took me almost fifteen minutes to find something
new to wear. Now that I wasn’t borrowing from Kendra, my wardrobe
choices were slim as it was. With nothing I owned matching up to the
caliber of what I’d worn in the past, I ended up finding a simple black Aline from Teyana’s closet.
The A-line, it turned out, was a flattering choice, and I would have been
somewhat confident about my appearance had I not managed to put a rip in
the seam under my right arm while I was putting it on. At least I had a
cardigan to wear over, which put a damper on the look but was presentable.
After that, the day continued to go downhill. The train was late. I’d
stepped in vomit. I’d forgotten my wallet (fortunately I’d had a handful of
bills in my purse to get me to the city). It had decided to rain. And finally,
the poop-flavored icing on the poop cake, I’d dropped my phone in the
street, only to see it crushed under a garbage truck before I could get to it.
I’d expected a shattered screen, but now it wouldn’t even turn on.
Which was why I hadn’t gotten the message that the meeting had been
canceled.
“I’m so sorry,” Eden said. “I used the number we have on file for you.
Is it not the right one?”
“I’m sure it’s correct, however, my phone’s dead.” I pulled the broken
cell from my purse, not because I thought she needed proof but because I
needed someone to share in my pain.
“Oh. Crap,” she said with exactly the right amount of sympathy.
“Yeah. It’s been that kind of day.” At the rate things were going, I didn’t
expect it would get any better.
With a sigh, I shoved my useless phone back in my bag. “Well. Guess
that changes my agenda. Did the meeting get rescheduled?”
She typed something into her computer. “Not that I can see. Do you
have an alternate number I can reach you at when it gets added to the
calendar?”
“No. I’ll get a new one today.” Strike that. Since I’d left my wallet
home, I’d have to go all the way back to Jersey City first, and all I was
doing when I got back to my apartment was crawling in bed and throwing
the covers over my head. “Better yet, can you email me?”
“You got it.”
I turned away from her desk, trying to decide what to do next. My bed
was indeed calling me, but on the other hand, I was already in Midtown.
Already near Scott. And I missed him. Silly because it had only been
eighteen hours since I’d seen him last, but after spending so many days with
him—waking up with him, going to sleep in his arms—eighteen hours felt
like a lifetime.
Maybe he was free for an impromptu lunch.
He’d have no problem treating me. It made me a little cringy to make
that assumption, but I knew there was no way he’d let me pay anyway, so
did it really matter?
I spun back around. “How about Scott? Is he available?”
Our relationship was still officially on the down-low, but after all the
time we’d spent working together, it wouldn’t be odd for me to ask after
him.
Or it shouldn’t have been. Eden, however, looked a bit aghast when I
asked. “No. I’m afraid he’s tied up all day.” She hadn’t checked her
computer this time.
I couldn’t decide if that was suspicious or not. After all, he’d probably
been the one to cancel the meeting in the first place. It would have made
sense that it was because something else had come up for him, and of
course Eden would know that.
Still, I couldn’t help feeling distrustful.
But what was I going to do? Challenge her about it? God, I wished I had
my phone. I would have just texted him privately. He might even already be
trying to reach me himself.
The thought of Scott not being able to reach me made me reconsider my
plans. Maybe bed would have to wait so I could get a new cell.
But I wasn’t doing anything without my wallet. So with another sigh, I
thanked Eden and left the office.
Distracted as I left the building, I didn’t see Sarah Boynton from the
DRF until I’d nearly bumped into her. “Oh, hi!”
She was probably coming for the same canceled meeting I’d shown up
for. It was somewhat mollifying to know I wouldn’t have been the latest to
arrive.
“You’re leaving?” she asked. “Is it already over?”
“The meeting’s canceled. Guess you didn’t get the message either.”
Her brows slanted in with her puzzled expression. “The press
conference is still on though, right?”
“Press conference?” I didn’t know anything about a press conference.
“It was scheduled in place of the meeting. These things always start late
though.” She glanced at her watch. “We’re probably right on time.”
Why hadn’t Eden told me there was a press conference? Was Kendra
trying to make me look bad?
Another possibility was that Eden had ulterior motives. Considering that
I was the girl currently dating the guy she liked, it seemed plausible. I
wondered if she’d even actually sent a text.
Whether it was Eden or Kendra, I felt pretty certain someone was trying
to deliberately keep me from the press conference.
I was definitely talking to Scott about it later.
Meanwhile… “Do you know where it’s being held?”
“I was told the pressroom is on the first floor. Let’s go see if we can find
it together.”
Thankfully, the lobby signage gave clear directions, and it wasn’t hard
to find where we were supposed to go. As we walked there, Sarah caught
me up on the status of the deal.
“Today was supposed to be the final talk through before we sign the
papers, but I guess there was some other news scandal that Henry Sebastian
wants to bury, so they’re announcing our partnership early.”
“Oh, gross. Using the DRF to hide behind?” For the first time since I’d
started all this, I wondered if I’d made a mistake pairing a decent, reputable
organization with Sebastian Industrial.
Sarah waved it off. “That’s the nature of these kinds of things. We get
something from them, of course I expect them to get something from us.
I’m focusing on the good. We landed SIC!” She stopped suddenly and
turned to me. “You landed SIC. You’re amazing. Thank you, thank you,
thank you. This wouldn’t have happened without you.”
With all the kerfuffle since Kendra had discovered my deceit, I’d
forgotten the upside. I had done this. I’d made a difference. I’d done
something good, better than good, not just for Teyana but countless other
people suffering from dysautonomia disorders.
I let that wash over me as Sarah pulled me in for an embrace. “You guys
deserve this. I’m so glad it worked out.”
“Me too, me too.” When she pulled away, her eyes were watery. She
wiped away a tear with the back of her knuckle. “No time for that. I want to
be in there when they announce this.”
We hurried the rest of the way down the hall, pausing only for Sarah to
flash some credentials. Thankfully, the guard hadn’t been too concerned
with her having a guest since he didn’t ask about me, and I wasn’t sure if I
would have been included on the list he’d been given or not. If we hadn’t
been in such a rush, I might have paused to ask, simply because I was
curious.
But there were more important things happening than whatever petty
beef Eden or Kendra had with me. Our deal was being announced!
And I’d thought nothing could turn this day around.
The conference room was a decent size—larger than the one the White
House used but smaller than the ballroom used for the press scene in that
movie Notting Hill. Despite the size, the place was crowded with reporters
and cameramen. I spotted Brett and a few of the employees who had
worked on the partnership in the front, but there were no seats by them that
I could see.
Besides, the conference had already started. Scott stood behind the
podium, looking to die for in a fitted, blue, three-piece that made his eyes as
blue as the ocean we’d left behind only the day before.
Next to him stood Kendra, looking perfect in her designer pantsuit.
Briefly, I wanted to rip it off her and stab her in the eyes. But only because I
deserved to be standing up there instead of her, or at least with her, not
because I actually had that much hate in my heart for her. Especially not
when I was bursting with glee about the deal going through. At this point, I
didn’t care who made it happen, just that it was happening.
Beside Kendra were a couple of people I didn’t know, though I
recognized one as a doctor on the DRF board.
“That’s Dr. Faust,” Sarah whispered as we found a spot smashed up
against the side wall. “And behind him is Peter. He’s the president.”
“Awful lot of men representing a women’s disease,” I grumbled.
“At least we’re being represented.”
We hushed then so we could listen to Scott continue his announcement.
“...excited about this opportunity to represent an organization that deserves
attention and awareness,” he said, reading from a script in front of him. “It’s
past time that dysautonomia disorders be taken seriously by both society
and the medical field.”
He went on, speaking to the mission of the Dysautonomia Relief
Foundation and the various obstacles that stand in the way of patients who
suffer from dysautonomia-related disorders. I was glad I was standing
where he couldn’t easily spot me because I was sure my expression was all
starry-eyed and smitten. He already knew I loved him. He didn’t need to
know just how ridiculously giddy he made me when he got all in charge and
business-like.
“One of the exciting aspects of this partnership,” he said after a while,
“is how it came about. The DRF and Sebastian Industrial were brought
together through the wonderful work of Conscience Connect, an
organization that pairs companies like ours with foundations that most need
sponsorship.”
He turned to acknowledge Kendra, who took a step up so she was
standing at his side, and now I was less glad he couldn’t see me because I
was sure my expression was full of spite because I was feeling full of spite,
and I had no problem letting him know it.
“Kendra Montgomery is the CEO and founder of Conscience Connect,
and more importantly, I’m happy to announce she’s also my fiancée.”
The room broke into chatter, though all I could hear was a loud whoosh
in my ears as the air went out of my lungs. My stomach had dropped to the
floor, and the floor had surely fallen away as well. It felt like I was sinking.
Falling into a deep, deep pit. Thank God I was leaning next to the wall, or I
wouldn’t have been able to stay upright.
What. The. Fuck?
What the actual fuck?
“I didn’t know they were engaged,” Sarah said with joyous amazement.
I gritted my teeth. “Neither did I.”
Because they weren’t, right? Scott had said they weren’t. He’d said that
it was all going to be over, just as soon as the deal got put together. He’d
said that he wasn’t going through with it. He’d said it wouldn’t ever be
announced.
So why the hell was he standing in front of a room full of reporters
telling them that he was?
If it had been Kendra who had made the announcement, that would have
been one thing. Or his father. But it had been Scott. It had come from his
own mouth.
Which meant I was a stupid, stupid fool.
A fool to believe he loved me. A fool to believe anything he’d said.
But all of it had felt so real.
I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and believe that those
feelings couldn’t be wrong. Maybe something had happened that made him
change his mind. Maybe there was something I didn’t know.
Except, that was how it was with players, wasn’t it? The very definition
of what they did. They made women like me believe they were special.
They made women like me believe they could be first choice. They made
women like me believe that men like them were worth loving.
I was decidedly close to tears.
It was my cue to leave, but just as I started to tell Sarah, Kendra started
explaining her reasons for wanting to work with the DRF, which weren’t
her reasons at all. They were mine.
“Dysautonomia is very close to my heart,” she said. “I have a good
friend who has suffered from POTS for several years now, and so I’ve seen
firsthand what kind of impact it can have on a person’s life. I have seen how
it affects relationships. How it affects a person’s ability to hold a job. It’s
heartbreaking. That’s why it was so important to me to find a prestigious
organization like SIC to support this sponsorship. I’m pleased to know that
the DRF will be in such good hands.”
Fuck her. And fuck him too. They deserved each other.
As if he could hear my thoughts, Scott’s gaze scanned in my direction
and stopped when it landed on mine. His skin paled, but his eyes were
warm and pleading. I could sense him trying to pin me in place. Could
practically hear him saying don’t go. Talk to me first.
But I couldn’t stay in that room a minute longer. Not without falling
completely apart.
“I’m suddenly not feeling so great,” I whispered to Sarah. Not a lie.
“I’m going to slip out. Congrats on the partnership.”
I turned around, and without giving her a chance to say anything, I
pushed through the crowd toward escape.
The tears were brimming by the time I reached the hall, but I refused to
let them fall. Not here. Not while I was still on Sebastian territory.
I was immediately grateful for my ability to hold it together because
two steps down the hallway, Henry Sebastian stepped out of an alternate
door to the conference room.
“Ms. Turani,” he said, forcing me to acknowledge him. “I’m glad to
have caught you.”
Forcing my chin up, I gave him a tight smile. “I’m sorry, Mr. Sebastian.
I don’t have time to talk right now. I’m in a hurry.”
“You have something else scheduled at the same time as this
announcement? That seems odd, considering the nature of the press
conference. Scott gave the impression that this sponsorship was important
to you.”
Oh, God. I just. I just wanted to leave. I didn’t want to engage with this
asshole.
“It is,” I said, facing him as I walked around him. “And I’m ecstatic that
you’ve partnered. Now if you’ll excuse me…”
I’d managed to take three steps when he called after me. “Did you really
think he’d choose you?”
I froze. Like I’d been stabbed in the back, I couldn’t move. Couldn’t
take another step forward. There was a ball lodged in my throat that words
wouldn’t fit around, so there was no use trying to answer.
And even if I could answer, what would I have said?
Because deep down—deep, deep, deep down, in my bones, in the very
smallest parts of my existence—no, I hadn’t thought he would choose me.
Because I didn’t expect anything good could ever be mine. Because I had
the wrong mindset. Because I didn’t believe I was worth choosing.
“Whatever he told you, Scott knows his obligations,” Henry said,
twisting the knife. “He knows what he wants to accomplish. I’m sure
there’s a place for you in his life. It’s just not at his side.”
It was probably the most honest thing a Sebastian had ever told me.
And the most devastating.
And if I stayed to listen to another second more, I wasn’t sure there
would be enough of me left intact to move on.
With every ounce of strength in me, I pushed my feet forward. One step,
then the next. Then the next. Until I was down the hall. Until I was through
the lobby. Until I was out the door.
Until I was outside, sobbing in the rain, wondering how I could have
ever thought that I deserved anything more than what I always got.
FOURTEEN
SCOTT
AS SOON AS the press conference came to a close, I was out of there.
Kendra must have been just as eager to be done because, fast as I was, I was
still within earshot when Brett met her offstage.
“I can’t figure out what happened to Tess,” she said. “She should have
been here. It felt weird saying all that in her place.”
Yeah, because Tess was who the script had been written for.
I didn’t have time to think about explaining anything to Kendra. I
needed to find Tess, and considering that the conference had gone on a good
seven minutes after she’d left the room, there was a very good chance she
was long gone.
I was hanging on to the slim odds that she’d stuck around.
Instead of slinking out of the conference area the back way like usual, I
did the unthinkable and went around front. Ignoring requests for further
comments, I pushed my way through the crowd of reporters, looking for
any sign of her and finding none. I made my way to the lobby, hoping she’d
be there. Then when I went out the doors and didn’t see her on the street, I
went back through the lobby to the street on the other side.
“Fuck!”
She was gone. Of course, she was gone. It was exactly what I would
have expected if I’d been in her position.
Which was why I needed to find her and explain.
Instinctively, I reached in my pocket for my cell, having forgotten I’d
left it on my desk, charging. That helped me decide what to do next. Up to
my office it was.
Maybe she’d even be up there waiting.
That thought invigorated my step as I pushed back through the glass
doors into the lobby.
And ran smack into my father.
“She shouldn’t be your concern right now,” he said, starting in as
though we’d already been having a conversation. “Besides, she’s long gone.
If that’s indeed who you’re looking for.”
I was half listening to him, so it took me a few seconds before I caught
up with him. “Who are you talking about?”
“The Turani girl. I’m guessing you saw she was here.”
“You saw her too?” At least I knew my mind hadn’t been playing tricks
on me.
“I did. We had a lovely chat, the two of us. Got things all sorted.”
My body tensed. Sparks of red crossed my vision. “What did you say to
her?”
“Nothing much. Just made sure she understood her place in your life.
Funny thing is, I think she got the point all on her own from that press
conference. Good choice to run with that. Killed a lot of birds with one
stone.”
I could feel my fingers curling into a fist at my side even before he
answered. Hitting him wasn’t an option—he’d have me arrested, son of his
or not—and though I’d gladly go to jail for Tess, it wouldn’t help matters.
Didn’t mean I couldn’t verbally assault him. “Stay away from her. If I
hear you come within six feet of her without me present again, so help me
God I’ll—”
“Now Scott.” He cut me off, giving me a look that said to remember
where we were and who he was. In a low voice, he went on. “You certainly
aren’t acting like a man who is committed to marrying another woman.”
I had to tread carefully here. Because he was right, and that was exactly
what he needed to believe—that I was committed to marrying Kendra. “You
never said I had to be faithful. If fidelity is a requirement to being on the
board, you and I both know that most of your members would be fired,
including yourself.”
His eyes narrowed. Then he gave a tense smile. “Perception, Scott. The
requirement is good perception. You did good today. Don’t fuck it up by
thinking with your cock.”
He clapped me on the back. Anyone walking by would have assumed he
was merely congratulating me. Then, because he always had the last word,
he turned his back on me and headed to the bank of elevators that led to his
floor at the top.
I stared after him for all of four seconds, thinking of all the brutal things
I wanted to do to him. I could have filled the rest of the day with that, but I
reminded myself he wasn’t worth my time. Tess, on the other hand, was.
Now that I knew she’d had a confrontation with my father, it was even
more imperative that I talk to her. I raced to the elevator, hitting the call
button several times, trying to hurry it up. When it finally arrived, I pushed
my way through the exiting crowd and glared at the man who started to get
in after me.
“Sorry. Elevator’s taken,” I said, pushing the Doors Closed button. My
patience was already gone. If I had to endure stops at other floors on the
way up, I was pretty sure I’d punch a hole through the elevator wall.
Despite my urgency, when I got to my floor, I took the time to stop at
Eden’s desk before heading back to my own.
“I explicitly told you not to send Tess to that conference. Want to tell
me how the fuck that message got misinterpreted?” The anger that I’d
wanted to unleash on my father came hurling out at her.
And I didn’t care. Didn’t care who heard me or who I hurt. I was too
worked up. Too enraged. Too afraid that my plans had backfired and now
everything was fucked up with Tess.
Eden blinked at me, her eyes wide. “I didn’t! She came up here, but I
told her it was canceled!”
“Then why the hell did I see her plain and clear in the audience?”
“I don’t know! She must have found it on her own. Like I said, she
came up here. Told me she’d broken her phone—”
“Her phone is broken?” That explained why Tess hadn’t answered any
of the dozen calls I’d made to her this morning.
Eden nodded. “That’s why she hadn’t gotten the message.”
“Wait a minute.” This was from someone else. A familiar someone else.
I turned to find Kendra. I hadn’t even looked to see who was in the
waiting area when I’d stormed in. She must have come up after the whole
shindig was over, while I was looking everywhere for Tess.
Kendra walked closer before saying more. Appropriate since this
conversation was currently taking place in a very public space. “Are you
saying you deliberately wanted to keep Tess from the press conference?”
I let out a huff. “We should probably continue this in private.”
“Yes. That sounds like a good idea.”
Making a note to myself to apologize to Eden later for the attack, I
ushered Kendra quickly down the hall to my office. Waste of time. That’s all
I could think with every step. How much time I was wasting dealing with
people—my father, Eden, now Kendra—when the only person I wanted to
be dealing with was Tess.
But now I knew her phone was broken, these minutes didn’t matter. The
only way I’d be able to talk to her would be to go to her, and with Tess
taking public transportation, there was no way she’d be back at her
apartment yet, if that was even where she’d headed.
I could spare five minutes for a conversation that needed to be had.
Wanting to be quick about it, I started in without preamble as soon as
my office door was shut behind us. “Look, Kendra, I should have said this
before, and I didn’t because…” It would take forever to explain that I’d
thought her knowing might ruin the deal with the DRF. (Ironic, I realized
now, considering how it was my father that had been the threat, not
Kendra.) “Well, reasons. Anyway. I can’t marry you. I’m sorry. That was
blunt, and it has nothing to do with you, just I can’t.”
“Oh.” She seemed surprised. “Oh.” Then relieved, a reaction I planned
to come back to. “Then why did you want to announce our engagement?”
“Because...well, again, reasons. In quick summation because I need
people to think I’m going to marry you, particularly my father, and I realize
that’s unfair to ask you to keep up this charade, but I’m willing to, I don’t
know, work something out. I mean, I don’t know if there’s anything I can
give you that would be as good of a deal as a marriage offer…” Then I
remembered her relieved reaction. “Except, you didn’t want to get married
either, did you?”
“Actually, no.”
I decided not to be offended, though part of me really wanted to be.
“Then why did you decide to say yes?”
“Because...well. Reasons.”
I was curious, of course, but I didn’t have the bandwidth to pry. “Okay,
your business. I respect that. As for the engagement—”
“How long do you want to keep the pretense up?”
“Uh.” God, I felt like a douche, expecting her to want to help out with
my ridiculous plan. But I was practicing the Sebastian method—expect it to
get it—because I really wanted to get this. “Until all the funding for the
DRF goes through.”
“The way the current contract is written, that could take more than a
year.”
“Yes, I know.”
“Can I ask why?”
“Of course, of course.” Now, how to make it quick? “Basically, my
father is a controlling asshole who refuses to sponsor the foundation unless
you and I are married. And before you ask why I care so much, it’s because
Tess cares. Oh, yeah, and I’m in love with Tess.”
“My Tess?”
“I prefer to think of her as my Tess, but yes.”
“Whoa.” She took a deep breath and sat on the arm of my couch, facing
me. “Does she know?”
“Yes. Or she did. Before she walked in on that conference and heard me
announcing our engagement anyway. I tried to talk to her first, but she
wouldn’t answer her phone all morning, and I didn’t want her to hear it
without explaining, and since I hadn’t gotten hold of her before it was time
to go down for the presser—”
“You told your receptionist to send her away,” she finished for me.
“Right.”
“Poorly planned, if you ask me.”
She wasn’t wrong there. Part of it was purposeful. Had I known this was
how it would play out, I would have rethought that strategy.
“Wow,” Kendra said, toying with the sleeve of her pantsuit, which I
now recognized as one that Tess had worn once to our consultation
meetings. So that’s why she’d always looked so designer. “A lot of things
are starting to make sense now.”
I was thinking the same thing.
“Once again, I’m sorry. We should have told you at your parents’, and
Tess wanted to—”
“But how could you say anything when I sprung up without warning?
No, I get it. Trust me, I’ve been told more than once that my impulsivity is
inconvenient to others.”
I leaned back against my desk and tapped my fingers on the surface at
my sides. “Not going to lie…”
“Hey, you have no place talking about what inconveniences others.
You’re asking a lot of me yourself.”
“You’re right. I am.” I fought hard against the creeping disappointment,
sure that what I was asking was too much.
“But I’m going to help you.”
“You are? Why?” It was probably not the best reaction, but it was
definitely the most honest.
She let out a half laugh. “Well, because Conscience Connect is getting
paid a fuckton of money through this deal.”
That had been one of my demands in the still yet-to-be-signed contract.
A payment package that would cover both Tess and Kendra.
“But more importantly because I really care about the DRF too.”
I felt the clock ticking. Felt the seconds that I wasn’t trying to get a hold
of Tess slipping away.
Still, I couldn’t stop the urge to ask. “Then why didn’t you ever come to
SIC with this before? It’s a perfect fit for us. You have to see that.”
“I do,” she admitted. “And maybe I should have. At first, I worried
about... You know what? It’s complicated, and right now it sounds like you
should be talking to Tess.”
Yes, yes. That’s what I needed to be doing.
I reached for my cell phone before remembering. “Her phone is
broken.”
“You could try calling Teyana,” Kendra said somewhat tentatively.
“Right. Good idea.” I circled around my desk so I could better reach the
speaker button on my office phone. “Sadie, get me the number for Teyana
Lewis. She’s one of the patients in the DRF documentary, so it should be in
the permission statements.”
“Or you could just ask me.” Kendra was already pulling her cell phone
from her pocket.
“Never mind, Sadie.” I clicked off the speaker, then picked up my cell
phone. “Ready when you are.” I entered the digits and pressed CALL.
One ring. Two. Three. Four. Five.
“It went to voicemail.” I considered redialing. “Maybe she doesn’t
answer numbers she doesn’t know.”
Kendra hesitated a moment. “Let me try.” Two seconds later…“I got
voicemail too.”
I refrained from cursing out loud, though a string of four-letter words
ran through my mind. “Thanks for trying.”
“There’s a good possibility she didn’t answer me on purpose,” Kendra
said, tucking her phone away. Again, I could feel the tug of curiosity, but
she prevented me from pursuing it when she stood up and said, “Guess
you’ll have to go to her apartment and talk to her in person. Do you still
have her address?”
As stressed as I felt, I couldn’t help smiling. “Yes. Thank you. And
thank you for helping me. I still don’t fully understand your motives—”
Once again, she cut me off. “But does it matter?”
“Suppose I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.” Especially not
when I had more important things I needed to be doing.
It took more than an hour to clear my schedule. One of my scheduled
events I couldn’t get out of—a scandal minimization meeting that my father
was also attending. I managed to leave after forty-five minutes and without
speaking to him individually, so I called it a win.
By a quarter after two, I was on the road headed to Jersey City. With
traffic and parking, it was almost another hour before I was standing in
front of Tessa’s apartment door.
She’ll listen to you. She’s going to give you a chance to explain. She
loves you, so she’ll want to work this out.
It felt like hours between the time I knocked and when the door opened.
When it did, it was only opened a couple of inches, enough for me to see
Teyana wearing an expression that said she was not at all pleased with me.
Which meant Tess had told her.
Which meant Tess had come home.
“I can tell I’m not your favorite person right now,” I said, trying to be as
charming as I could. “But can I talk to her? Please?”
“As far as I’m concerned, I’d be happy if she never spoke to you again.
So what if I lose out on my SIC treatment? Not worth the price of my
friend. Oh, and congratulations to you and Kendra. You deserve each
other.”
“Teyana, please. No, it’s not...I’m not marrying Kendra.”
“Sure as hell doesn’t sound like you’re not when you announce to a
room full of reporters that you are.”
“And no matter what happens, you won’t lose your treatment. Even if
the sponsorship gets killed, I’ll pay for it out of my own pocket. I swear.”
She opened the door a little more at that. “Why would it get killed?”
“It won’t.” Not if my father remained convinced about my engagement,
it wouldn’t. “I just meant that none of this has any bearing on your
treatment. Even if Tess never speaks to me again, but I really, really hope
that’s not the case because I love her, and I am definitely not marrying
Kendra Montgomery.”
She continued to peer at me skeptically.
“I’ve even told Kendra that it’s not happening.”
She opened the door wider. “You did? How did she take that?”
Her concern surprised me, so it took me a second to answer. “Well,
actually. Really well.”
“Huh.” Teyana’s expression relaxed slightly. “In that case, I guess it
would be okay if you talked to Tess. If she were here.”
“She’s not here?” I threw my head back in exasperation.
“She left about fifteen minutes ago to go get a new phone. That will
probably take the rest of the afternoon.”
I was fortunate enough to always have someone deal with issues like
that for me, but I’d heard getting a new phone could be a lengthy process.
“Mind if I wait?”
“I wouldn’t mind. But it would be silly if you did since she said she was
headed straight to your house as soon as she was done.”
Somehow I managed not to snap. “You could have led with that.”
She smiled. “I could have, but I much preferred watching you squirm.”
“I’m sure I deserve it.” Suddenly, I wondered if this was too easy.
“She’s really going there? You aren’t trying to just get rid of me?”
“That would be fun, wouldn’t it? But no. For some reason, she thinks
you deserve the benefit of the doubt. Or at least a conversation. She’s a
nicer person than I am.”
Thank God for that. “Thank you. I appreciate this, and I promise I’m
going to make things better.” I flinched as I said it, hoping it was a promise
I could keep. “Can I give you my number in case something changes?”
“Sure. Let me get my phone.” She disappeared for a second, then
returned to the door. After unlocking her screen, she handed me her cell.
“I already have your number,” I said, entering my number in her device.
“But if I call it will likely say RESTRICTED. I tried calling earlier.”
“Ah, that was you. I don’t answer when I don’t know who it is.”
I handed her the phone back. “I thought that was the case, so Kendra
called right after.”
“And her name showed up on the screen, which was why I sent her to
voicemail right away.”
I studied her. I’d sensed tension between Kendra and Tess, but I hadn’t
realized it extended to Teyana. “You really don’t like her, do you? Why is
that?”
“Do you want to stand here and talk about my issues with Kendra, or do
you want to go get your girl?”
There was only one right answer, only one answer I wanted to give.
“I’m going to get my girl.”
FIFTEEN
TESS
I HELD my breath while the doorman called up to Scott’s apartment, afraid
he wouldn’t let me in. It was why I hadn’t tried to call him, even though I’d
gotten a new phone more than an hour ago. Because what if I called and he
sent me to voicemail? What if his engagement announcement meant he
didn’t really love me?
I totally knew it was stupid thinking.
He was fucking engaged. For real engaged. It didn’t matter if he loved
me or not. I couldn’t stick around, jumping at the scraps of his attention. I
deserved more than this, whether it felt like I did or not. Whether I believed
I did or not.
If I truly had respect for myself, I wouldn’t have reached out to him at
all, let alone come to his apartment to talk to him.
But I’d never been the best in the self-respect department, and I
foolishly did believe he loved me, so I would give him one conversation.
If he would see me anyway.
“You can go on up, Ms. Turani,” the doorman said after what felt like a
decade, and I felt a layer of tension roll off my shoulders.
While the wait for the doorman had seemed to take ages, the ride up the
elevator passed in the blink of an eye, and when I arrived on his floor, my
pulse skipped with trepidation. It was just past six. I’d had all afternoon to
think about what I wanted to say, and yet my mind was blank.
It didn’t help that he was waiting for me, standing in the threshold of his
apartment, the door open. He was still wearing the suit he’d had on, but his
tie and jacket were gone, the buttons of his collar undone. His hair looked
mussed, like he’d run his hands through it a million times.
Still, he looked delicious as ever.
Unlike me, who had changed into yoga pants and a sweatshirt when I’d
gone home. Every part of me felt miserable, inside and out. I’d hoped
wearing something comfortable would help me feel better.
No such luck. In fact, seeing him all sexy and delicious, it was possible
I felt worse.
Until I realized he was looking at me like I was a gift from divinity.
“Tessa.” His voice sounded like his heart was in his throat. The
expression on his face was as pitiful as a lost puppy.
And dammit, I was a sucker for vulnerability. One minute I was
standing forlorn in front of him, the next I was letting him pull me inside
his apartment and into his arms.
“Thank God, you’re here,” he said into my hair, and I gripped onto him
harder.
His mouth moved along my jaw, and soon he found my lips, and since I
never could resist him, I easily surrendered to his kiss.
“I was afraid you wouldn’t come,” he said when he broke away to catch
his breath.
I shouldn’t have come. I shouldn’t have made it so easy. I should have
made him come looking for me.
But I hadn’t, and here I was. That moment of weakness didn’t have to
be followed by more of the same.
That realization brought a burst of strength, and I pushed away from
him. “This can’t go like this, Scott. I can’t just fall into your arms.”
“Tessa.” He took a step toward me, and I took a step away, my back
hitting the door.
“Don’t.”
He hesitated, then moved back, giving me space. “I know I need to
explain. I wish—” He cut himself off with a shake of his head. “I tried to
get a hold of you before the conference so that I could tell you it was being
announced. I didn’t want you to hear it the way you did. It had to be awful,
and I’m so, so sorry that it happened like that.”
“You think how I found out is why I’m upset?” I mean, I was. But it
wasn’t the worst part of his announcement. Not by a long shot.
“I’m sure it’s part of it, but you’re right. It’s not my greatest fault here,
only I promise, nothing has changed.”
“Nothing has changed?” I stared at him in disbelief. “You’re engaged to
my boss! For real engaged. Am I just supposed to overlook that fact?
Because I accepted it before when I thought it was temporary, you think I’ll
accept it now?”
“It’s not—” He started to move toward me, then stopped himself. “It’s
not real. I am not marrying her.”
“Then why would you tell a room full of reporters that you are? How
stupid do you think I am, Scott? Do I really come off that naïve?”
“No. Never. Of course not. How can... You are…” He stopped to gather
himself, pinning me in place with his gaze when he did. “You know that I
think you’re the smartest, most talented, passionate woman I’ve ever met.
And if you don’t know, then I’m sorry because I should have told you more
often. I’m endlessly fascinated with the way you think. Your brain is half
the reason I’m so fucking in love with you.”
My chest pinched at the declaration, but I refused to let the L-word
make me weak. “Then once again, why would you announce, to all the
world, that you’re marrying another woman?”
“Because if the world believes it, then my father will believe it, and I
need my father to believe that I am.”
“Why does it…?” I wasn’t dumb, though, and once I gave myself a
second, it wasn’t hard to figure it out. “He threatened you.”
Scott sighed, his expression confirming my suspicions. “Let’s go sit
down and talk. Okay?”
I was not in the mood to be coddled. “What did he threaten you with?”
“Please, Tess.” His blue eyes bore into me. “I’ll tell you everything, but
can we at least discuss this somewhere other than my front hall?”
I held his stare for several tense seconds. Then, without a word, I strode
past him, careful not to let any part of my body graze his as I did, knowing
that even the barest of touches would cause me to disintegrate.
I could feel him following though, his heat radiating on my back the
way a fireplace only warmed what was in front of it, leaving the rest of my
body cold. Part of me wished he’d pull me back into his arms and heat me
up entirely.
The rest of me feared that if he did, I’d be under his spell forever, that
I’d accept his excuses, that I’d make up excuses of my own.
I was already rationalizing his behavior. If Henry had threatened him,
then maybe this wasn’t Scott’s fault. His father was menacing. I had proof
of it from the things he’d said to me. “Did you really think he’d choose
you?”
I had thought that. After today, I was sure I’d been wrong.
Now I was back to wondering if Henry had been trying to get into my
head. What had he said to get into Scott’s head?
“Can I get you something to drink?” he asked when we’d reached his
living room.
I barely heard the offer, too preoccupied with working out what his
father could be holding over his head. He’d been following me, and I turned
now to face him but found myself with a view of his back since he’d
crossed to the bar. “Did he threaten to fire you?”
“He’d never fire one of his sons. It would look bad on him. Wine?
Water? I have tequila.”
From what Scott had told me about his relationship with his father, there
wasn’t anything else he wanted besides a better position and a spot on the
board. But he’d already accepted that he would lose those. Had he changed
his mind?
Then it hit me, the lightbulb clear and bright. The thing Scott had
assured me would happen, even when his father had resisted. “It was the
DRF. He said he won’t sponsor the DRF.”
“See? Not naïve at all.” Scott pulled a bottle of sparkling water from his
fridge and held it out toward me.
“Because...why? I mean, why would he even think that mattered that
much to you?”
“Because it does matter to me. Because it matters to you.”
I didn’t want to admit how swoony that statement made me. But it had
knocked me speechless, whether I wanted it to or not.
And after I recovered from the swoon, I felt sick. Henry Sebastian hated
me that much. Not me, exactly, since he barely knew me, but the idea of
me. The idea of his son consorting with a half-ethnic girl from a singlemother household that pulled in an income barely above the poverty line.
I wasn’t good enough for Scott, straight and plain. Not in his father’s
eyes. Probably not in most of the world’s eyes.
Expect it to get it, but better not expect more than you’re worth. That
was the real Sebastian way.
“So nothing to drink?”
I shook my head, and Scott put the bottle back in the fridge before
turning back to me. He leaned against the bar, his hands wrapped around the
counter as though it was the only thing keeping himself from me, and from
the look on his face, his grip was slipping.
He doesn’t feel the way his father does. He couldn’t. Right?
I forced myself out of my stupor and tried to focus on the particulars of
what he’d admitted, needing a clear picture so I could delineate bad guy
from maybe-not-bad guy. “So explain this to me. You come into the office
today after being gone for a long weekend, and your father says…?”
“Tess, will you please sit down?”
“Will you please explain?”
He was tempted to give me the I’ll-explain-if-you-sit-down retort; I
could see it in his eyes. But he must have realized my agitation level was
too high for manhandling because he let it go and sat himself, perching on
the edge of his armchair, his forearms resting on his thighs. “I came in this
morning around eight, and my father was already waiting for me. He was
worked up about a headline in the WashPo over the weekend attacking his
commitment to energy reduction, and he insisted I come up with something
to distract the media. I suggested announcing the DRF sponsorship.”
“Even though the paperwork has yet to be signed?”
“It was a risk, announcing early.”
“But it makes him publicly committed.”
“Right. He wanted a distraction. I wanted his commitment. Two birds,
one stone.”
I paced along the length of his couch, trying to imagine the scene, which
wasn’t really important but was easier than attacking the real question
which was does Scott think I’m good enough for him? And the nearly as
important follow-up: am I going to be stupid enough to still love him if he
doesn’t think I am?
I was afraid the answers weren’t ones I’d like, and I wasn’t ready to deal
with that.
Instead, Henry and his son, discussing a PR fiasco. “Okay, but it doesn’t
make sense. If he needed a distraction, why would he be threatening not to
go through with the sponsorship?”
“Well.” His eyes darted back toward the bar, as though he were wishing
he’d gotten himself a drink while he’d been there.
It wasn’t a strong enough impulse for him to follow through.
His eyes came back to me. “He didn’t want to use that as the PR
distraction. He wanted me to come up with something else. I had to
convince him, which was why I didn’t try to call you about the press
conference until almost ten. You were supposed to be up there on that stage
with us. Kendra said it was weird not having you there.” He paused, letting
that sink in.
In other circumstances, I might have been thrilled to know I hadn’t been
excluded from my own project. In this particular moment, it barely fazed
me.
Realizing he wasn’t going to get the reaction he’d expected, he went on.
“Anyway, when I couldn’t get a hold of you, I told Eden to send you away
if you showed up because I didn’t want you walking in without getting a
heads-up first, which was why I didn’t expect for you to hear like that.”
“Hear what, exactly? I’m still confused. What would you have said if
you’d gotten hold of me? That your father had threatened to take away the
sponsorship and so you’d offered to get married so that he wouldn’t?”
“No, I didn’t offer. It was an ultimatum.” He let out a frustrated breath
of air. “Look, it went like this: He had a PR problem. I said announce the
sponsorship. He said, ‘I will if you marry Kendra, but if you’re not going to
then I’m not signing the deal, and you need to find another way to bury the
problem.’ Clear now?”
It felt like there was still a piece I was missing, but maybe that wasn’t
important. “So then you just have to pretend you’re engaged until the
paperwork goes through?” That wasn’t quite so bad. It had been a slow
process so far, but that would be, what? Another few weeks? A month at the
most? Was I legit overreacting about this?
“Actually, the paperwork isn’t binding like that.” He sounded both
grave and apologetic. “It’s more about obligations required by the DRF in
exchange for the funds—requirements for how they’ll use the money and
such. Assurances that Conscience Connect will get paid. It’s basically a
charitable donation, though. SIC is allowed to cancel at any time.”
The DRF would make a budget based on the expectation of those funds,
and Henry Sebastian could pull it at any time? “That’s terrible.”
“SIC is in the position of power. They have the upper hand.”
Of course, that was how it worked. Always protecting the big guy.
Always leaving the little guy out in the cold.
Well, it wasn’t like this was my first encounter with corporate America.
“So then you have to stay engaged until the funding goes through. Got it.
How long will that take?”
“The way the contract is currently written?” His eyes shifted guiltily.
“Uh. At least a year.”
“No. Hell, no. Are you fucking kidding me?” He’d have to pretend to be
engaged to Kendra for a year, and I’d be...what? His mistress? His secret
sidepiece? “No fucking way.”
He ran his hands through his hair. “I know, Tess. I know!”
I forced myself to pause and evaluate once again whether or not I was
overreacting.
It only took a couple of seconds thinking it through before I realized I
most definitely was not. “Have you even thought about what that will be
like? You couldn’t have. You are way too calm to have really considered
this.”
“I have thought about it, Tess. Believe me. I’ve thought about it from
every angle, and yes, it sucks. It fucking sucks. But there isn’t another
option.”
“You haven’t had enough time to be able to say that. The conference
was at eleven. When did your dad deliver the ultimatum? You said he was
waiting at eight? That’s not enough time to go through all your options.”
“I…” Again the guilty eyes. “He didn’t give the ultimatum today.”
And there was the piece I’d been missing. “Oh my God, you knew since
last week. When you told your parents you weren’t going through with it.
Which is why you rushed starting the documentary. And Teyana. And why
you were so quick to use the sponsorship to cover his PR nightmare.” The
puzzle filled in completely. “You just decided on your own, and didn’t even
think to tell me?”
He shot to his feet. “I tried. You didn’t answer your phone, which now I
know was because—”
I cut him off. “We spent four days together. You had plenty of
opportunity before today.”
“Yes, I did. And I meant to. Truly, I did. I took you away thinking that
all I needed was some time, and I’d figure out a way to explain that you
were losing your sponsorship because my father was a controlling asshole
who couldn’t stand for any one of his children to be happy. But then you
talked about how much the DRF meant to you—”
“Don’t even blame this on me—”
“I’m not blaming. I’m saying that I knew before, but after what you said
to my grandfather, I understood better—”
“And you thought I’d want you to endure a fake engagement for who
knows how long just so the DRF would be funded?”
“I thought—” He took a beat, and when he spoke again, his voice was
lower than the near shouting from a moment before. “I thought it would be
an impossible decision for you. So I made it so you didn’t have to choose.”
I’d wanted him to boss me at certain times, but outside the bedroom it
was patronizing and demeaning. “Oh, how noble of you. Making the
sacrifice so I wouldn’t have to.”
“Well, yeah. I did.”
“Well, you chose wrong!”
In two strides he was right in front of me. “Did I? Really, Tess, really
think about it. Really think about the repercussions of any other decision.
Really think about it, and then tell me what you would choose.”
I didn’t hesitate. “You!”
“Really? Without a second thought, that’s your choice? I would help
Teyana out no matter what, which we’d fight about before you let me, but
all those strangers suffering from similar disorders? All that exposure that
the DRF would get through this sponsorship?” I took a step back, but he
stepped with me until my legs hit the couch, not allowing me any space.
“You’d feel good about giving all of that up? Because you fell in love?”
I shook my head.
I kept shaking my head.
Because I didn’t know. Because this was bigger than me and him.
Because this was like the trolley car dilemma given in psychology—do you
choose to sacrifice one person in order to save a large number of people?
And maybe that was being dramatic because no one’s life was on the line,
but it also wasn’t dramatic because dysautonomia wrecked lives, and I
wanted to believe that I would choose the greater good, but my heart
belonged to Scott, and I wanted to choose him, selfish and wrong as that
might be.
I covered my face with my hands. “You’re right. You’re right! I
wouldn’t be able to choose.” Still shaking my head, I sank down to the
floor. “I wouldn’t be able to choose.”
“I know.”
When I lowered my hands, my fingers were wet with tears, and there
was Scott in front of me, stooped on one knee. “It’s not fair,” I said.
“I know.” And when he shifted to sit next to me, I let him pull me into
his arms.
He rocked me, kissing my head, while I breathed in the scent of him and
drew his warmth into my body and pretended that this was all it would take
to make everything right between us again.
But pretending only lasts so long.
“You shouldn’t have told me at all,” I said, and I meant it. “You should
have said your father wasn’t going to sign the deal and not let me know it
had anything to do with us, and then you wouldn’t have to be engaged, and
I wouldn’t have to know.”
He leaned back so he could look at me. “I couldn’t choose that either,
Tess.”
“Because you’re not a bad guy.” My voice cracked.
He brushed a damp strand of hair off my face. “I’m feeling pretty bad
right now.”
Then I was buried back in his shoulder, tears falling but somehow
managing to not actually break down. More rocking. More soft kisses.
Wrapped up like this in him, it all seemed so overblown. Henry
Sebastian was a powerful man, but he couldn’t be that powerful. He didn’t
have to be that intimidating. If we refused to let him, he wouldn’t be. We
could find another option.
“There are other companies that could sponsor the DRF,” I said after a
while. “We don’t have to accept that SIC is the only opportunity.”
“How likely would you be able to get something better?”
SIC was the biggest corporation Conscience Connect had ever worked
with by far. “Not likely. But expect it to get it, right?”
“That’s a good mantra when applying it to your own fate. It seems
irresponsible when the fates of hundreds of others are in your hand.”
I sighed, nuzzling into his neck. “I wish you weren’t so decent.”
“No, you don’t.”
He was the first decent guy I’d ever been with. The first guy who made
me feel decent too. It was the magic part about him, and he was right; I
wouldn’t really wish he was different for anything.
I pulled back to study him. Being in his arms, his lips so close, needing
comfort as much as I did, it wasn’t surprising that soon his mouth was on
mine. Soft kisses turned frantic. Our bodies rearranged until I was on his
lap, and we were molded together, and my brain grew too fuzzy to think
clearly.
But it was still thinking.
A series of thoughts repeating on a loop. This is enough. These stolen
moments are enough. Knowing that he loves me is enough.
The same sorts of thoughts I’d repeated to myself time and time again
with other men. With a father who barely acknowledged my existence. With
a boss who kept me out of the spotlight. This is enough. This is enough.
This is enough.
Say it enough times, you’ll believe it.
Not anymore.
Abruptly, I pushed out of his arms. “Scott, I can’t. We can’t.”
“Nothing changes. I love you.”
“I know, but.” He reached for me again, so I stood up, away from his
inviting embrace. “But this is different. This isn’t a couple of weeks of
keeping our relationship on the down-low. You’re talking about a year.
Maybe longer.”
He subtly adjusted the bulge I’d left in his lap. “It will be difficult, yes,
but we can make it work.”
“How? How will it work? What does our relationship look like? I still
work with Kendra. I’m supposed to listen to her plan her never-going-tohappen wedding and not say anything?”
“She knows. I told her.”
“She knows what? That you aren’t really going to marry her?”
“And…that…” He stood and tilted my chin up toward his. “I’m in love
with you. She understands. She’s willing to go along with it.”
Wow. That was surprising. Nice surprising, considering that Kendra
rarely did anything that didn’t serve herself.
But her knowing didn’t fix much. “She’s just one person. It doesn’t
matter if she’s in on it, you have to convince everyone else who isn’t in on
it. You’d have to go to events with her. Be photographed with her. Be
interviewed about her. Be interviewed with her. She’d be the one at your
side at family gatherings. You certainly can’t bring me to your great-aunt
Ida’s birthday party.”
A flash of disappointment crossed his face. Then it was gone, hidden
behind a stoic expression. “I wouldn’t bring her either.”
Yeah, he hadn’t really thought this through. I knew he hadn’t.
I pulled his hand down from my chin. “And when would we see each
other? Would you have to pay off your doorman? We couldn’t go out to
dinner together. Couldn’t go to the opera. Couldn’t be seen in public.
Sneaking around is hot for a minute, but it gets old real fast. Always
worrying if someone’s going to see us. Always carrying the weight of the
consequence if your parents find out. I wouldn’t be able to tell anyone about
you. For all intents and purposes, we’d be having an affair.
“And what happens if your father drags it out? What if he offers a
second term of funding? What will he do to bribe you next?”
“He won’t. I won’t. It won’t matter.” He put his hand on my hip, but I
stepped out of his hold.
“You say that, but trust me, I know how these things go. It’s always
something else. Always another reason to stay under his thumb. He’ll never
let you be your own man.”
“No,” he said adamantly. “It won’t be like that.”
“See, I know that you can’t promise that because I’ve had a lot of
relationships like that. I’m an experienced string-along girl, Scott, ready to
believe the next line. Easily convinced this time will be different.”
“Are you saying I’m stringing you along?”
“Maybe not purposefully…”
“Stop. Listen to me.” He gave me a stern look. “These are all excuses.
Yes, it will be hard. Yes, there will be parts of it that are truly miserable, but
we’ll have each other.”
“In secret.”
“In secret,” he admitted.
It should have been so easy to accept that. The terms were
straightforward enough. It was more of a commitment than any other guy
I’d been with had ever given me. This was a step up for a girl like me.
Except...
“I’m not like that anymore. You made me not like that. You made me
know that I’m better than that. I don’t deserve to be a secret. And you
asking me to be one now is like…” I tried to think of an example, settling
on the first one that came to mind. “It’s like Pretty Woman. When Richard
Gere asks Julia Roberts to be his glorified whore after convincing her she
wasn’t just a whore.”
“I am not asking you to be my whore.”
“I’m not saying that you are. I’m saying you can’t convince me I’m
worth more and then ask me to accept less. You can’t tell me to expect to
get and then ask me to settle. I expect all of you. I’m worth all of you.”
“You are,” he said, closing the space between us in a rush, wrapping me
in his arms. “You are. And I want to give you all of me. And I want all of
you. I’ll call my father, okay? I’ll call the whole thing off, and we can be
together.”
For half a second, I felt relieved.
But the relief was instantly replaced with something hard and hollow.
“You and I both know that would turn the beautiful thing we have into
something selfish and ugly.”
“Tess…” His grip tightened around me. “It feels like you’re breaking up
with me.”
I couldn’t have said the words myself. But now that he had said them
first... “I don’t want to.”
“Then don’t.”
“I can’t.” The tears were back, slipping down my cheeks like a slow
rainfall. “I can’t stay with you like this.”
“No. No. Don’t say that.”
I couldn’t say it again. My throat was too tight.
But it didn’t mean I could stay, though a strong part of me was begging
to do just that. For the night, at least. For the week. Maybe it wouldn’t be so
bad. Try it out and see.
And then get more invested? More hurt? More heartbroken?
Shaking my head, I reached around my back to pull his hands off my
waist. Pulling away from him felt like resisting against an intense magnetic
field. Like I was fighting against the laws of nature. Like it was wrong.
I wouldn’t be able to leave if he didn’t let me go.
“Please…” I whimpered.
“Don’t,” he said again. But his grip released. “This is not how this ends.
I don’t accept this. I’ll find another solution.”
“I hope you do,” I said, backing away slowly. One step. Another. “Call
me when. Okay?” I couldn’t bear to look at him anymore. I spun around
and hurried down the hall, toward the door.
“Tess. Tess!” It was a wounded sound. Sharp and shrill and unignorable.
He was right there when I turned, and I buried myself in him. One more
touch. One more embrace. One more brush of my lips against his.
When I broke away this time, it felt like I’d lost a part of me. “God, it
really hurts.”
“Don’t do this.”
But my hand was on the doorknob. As though I were outside myself, I
watched it turn, watched it open just enough to let me out. “I have to go.”
And then I was gone.
SIXTEEN
SCOTT
“YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT,” Kendra said when I met her in the lobby of my
great-aunt’s Upper East Side apartment building.
Peering from behind the dark lenses of my aviators, I frowned at her,
which pretty much meant I kept the same expression I’d been wearing on
my face all week and pointed it in her direction. “Thank you. Much
appreciated.”
She bit back a smile. “Anytime.”
Wordlessly, we checked in with the doorman and climbed into the
elevator, my head throbbing with every step I took. I probably shouldn’t
have drunk as much as I had the night before. Or the night before that. Or
the night before that. I was a walking picture of hashtag regrets.
The copious amounts of alcohol definitely contributed to my ragged
appearance, but the excessive drinking wasn’t the only bad behavior I’d
engaged in over the six days since I’d last seen Tess. Tuesday, Wednesday,
and Thursday, I’d managed to make it to the office, only to lock myself
behind my door and ignore all the work on my desk. Instead, I’d been
making phone calls. Hours upon hours of phone calls, reaching out to every
high-powered business contact I had, trying to find a suitable company to
sponsor the DRF in SIC’s place. Surprisingly, a few of them nibbled, but
not a one was willing to contribute anything near the dollar amount that I’d
gotten my father to agree to.
By Friday, I’d been too despondent to even try.
That was the day I broke down and ended up in front of Tessa’s door.
I’d called first—I’d been calling all week. Texting too. She hadn’t answered
any of my attempts at communication, which should have been a
goddamned hint, but I was miserable and missing her, so to Jersey City I
went. When neither her nor Teyana answered the door, I made myself at
home in her hallway. That lasted all of seventeen hours before the landlord
had me kicked out.
So then I spent the next day and a half parked in my car outside her
building. Another reason I was looking so haggard.
Add to it that I was feeling immense guilt for bringing Kendra to Ida’s
birthday party when I’d told Tess I wouldn’t. I hadn’t planned to come at all
until my father had called and demanded I show up with my fiancée on my
arm.
Tess was right. It would never end with my father. It would be one thing
and then another thing and then another. I would always be under his
thumb.
“Why am I doing this again?”
I’d meant the muttering for myself, but since she was standing right
next to me, Kendra answered. “Because we want the DRF to be funded.”
The elevator opened on Ida’s floor. As soon as we got out, I turned to
her. “Tess said you sat on this foundation for more than a year. If you care
so much about it now, why didn’t you pitch it before? And don’t say
because you were worried about our relationship because that doesn’t
explain why you didn’t pitch it elsewhere.”
“I did pitch it elsewhere. I pitched it everywhere.”
She likely couldn’t see my brow furrow since I had yet to take off my
sunglasses. “Tess didn’t seem—”
“I didn’t tell Tess,” she said, answering before I could fully ask. “And
before you ask why, none of your business. We can play lovebirds as much
as we need to in order to make this go through, but I get to keep my
secrets.”
I was definitely curious, but fair enough. If I was going to press her on
anything, her personal shit wasn’t at the top of my list. “Uh, I stopped by
her apartment a few times, and she was never there. Any idea…?”
“Yeah, I heard you broke up,” she said.
“Temporarily.”
“Is she aware that it’s temporary?”
She’d better be aware.
But I wasn’t going to dig into the whole thing with Kendra. “Do I get to
play the none-of-your-business card too?”
“Cute.” Her feigned smile disappeared. “She asked for the week off to
visit her mother upstate.”
“Ah. Good. I wondered.” I felt better knowing she was somewhere safe
and with someone supportive. “Did Teyana go with her? She was never
home either.”
Kendra fiddled with the strand of pearls around her neck. “She wasn’t?
Weird. Tey and I don’t really, um, you know. So I couldn’t tell you.”
What was weird was how Kendra’s eyes shifted everywhere at the
question, though maybe that was just due to feeling uncomfortable about
the fallout in her friendship with Teyana. Tess hadn’t told me a whole lot
about it but enough to know things between them were awkward.
“Anyway,” she said. “Are we going to keep standing in the hall, or are
we going to go do this thing?”
“Hold on. One more thing.” I pulled the flask out from inside my jacket
pocket and took a swig before offering it to her. She considered briefly, then
declined, so I tucked it back where it came from. “Okay. I’m ready.”
The scene inside Ida’s apartment was as tedious as I’d imagined it
would be. Several generations of the Sebastian family were scattered
throughout her three-thousand-square-foot penthouse—siblings and cousins
and aunts and uncles—and I was in the mood to be around exactly none of
them.
Of course, the two people I least wanted to see were the two who found
me within five minutes of our arrival.
“Kendra, you look lovely,” my mother said, her scrutinizing gaze taking
in every inch of my bride-to-be before turning her attention to me.
She immediately frowned. “Lose the sunglasses, Scott.”
“It’s family, Mom. No one cares.”
“He’s hungover,” my father said, guessing correctly.
“You’re thirty-five, Scott. Too old to be acting like a college frat boy.”
“I’m thirty-five, Mom. Too old to be lectured by my mother about how
to behave.”
She pursed her lips, and I sensed her debating about whether or not to
continue with her scolding. Finally, she turned to her husband. “He’s yours.
I’ll take Kendra around for introductions.”
Kendra gave me a helpless look as my mother towed her off, but if she
was hoping I’d save her, she obviously hadn’t learned yet that there was no
rescue from Margo Sebastian.
She’d figure it out soon enough.
Being left with just my father made things easier. He’d bartered enough
of my life from me. Like hell he was getting any more.
“I showed up with my fiancée,” I said before he could start in on me.
“That’s all you get.” I started to walk away but turned back to add, “And
not sure you can call it hungover when I’m pretty sure I’m still drunk.”
Or would be soon enough. In front of him, I took another swig from my
flask. Then with a smirk, I set off to find a quiet spot in the apartment so I
could sulk.
Finding privacy at a Sebastian gathering was never easy. Fortunately,
we’d arrived just in time for the cake to be served, and everyone swarmed
toward the dining area to sing to the ninety-year-old birthday girl. I took the
opportunity to commandeer the billiard table in the back room, shutting the
room’s french doors behind me in hopes it would deter anyone from joining
me.
I managed to sink a handful of balls before I heard the doors push open.
I didn’t bother looking to see who it was. They closed again before the
newcomer addressed me. “I’ve been looking for you.”
I glanced up to find Brett rolling up one shirt sleeve. “I don’t want any
cake. You can give my slice to Cousin Berta, if she’s asking for it.”
He rolled up his other sleeve. “Not what I’m here for.”
I didn’t really care, but since I was sure he was going to tell me anyway,
I stood and looked at him expectantly. “Then what are you here for?”
“I’m here to give you what you deserve. I just can’t decide if that’s a
punch to the gut or a punch to the face. After what you did to Tess, you
probably deserve both.”
Ah. Yes. I’d seemed to have forgotten their little friendship.
“Which thing I did to Tess, exactly, are you wanting to punish me for?”
I was pretty sure my list of bad deeds was longer than his.
He looked at me like I was stupid to not know. “For stringing her along
while you’re engaged to someone else, you asshole.”
“Technically, I wasn’t engaged when she and I started dating.”
“I don’t fucking care about semantics.”
I studied him, wondering if he’d have the nerve to actually hit me. “Tell
you what.” I nodded to the billiards table. “I’ll play you for it. I win, I’ll
give you two shots, anywhere you want to strike me.”
“If you win?” he asked suspiciously. “Then what do I get if I win?”
“If you win, I’ll pay someone to beat me up in your place. You won’t
even have to get your hands dirty.”
“Sounds like a win-win to me.”
“Sounds like a win-win to me too.” Actually, since I wasn’t confident
that Brett would put his all into punching me if he actually got the chance, I
was considering throwing the game.
Because he was right—I deserved it. I deserved to be beaten to a bloody
pulp. I deserved to be black and blue.
And honestly, feeling as shitty as I did, it wasn’t like I could possibly
feel any worse.
“Lag for the opening shot?” he asked, grabbing a stick from the cue
rack.
“Nah. You can have it.” While he racked the balls, I took off my jacket,
making sure to pull out my flask before rolling up my own shirt sleeves.
“Pub pool rules?”
“Works for me.”
Taking a long swig, I watched as he took the opening break shot, in
which he pocketed both a striped and solid ball.
“Colors,” he called, then set up his next shot. He was just about to strike
it when the doors pushed open again.
Never any privacy at a Sebastian gathering.
“There you are,” Grandpa Irving said, looking at me.
Nothing like feeling popular when I most wanted to be ignored. “Here I
am,” I sighed.
“The question is, where is she?”
“If you mean Kendra, I don’t really know, Grandpa, and honestly, I
don’t really care.” I tipped the flask back again. It was starting to feel light.
Too light.
Grandpa shut the doors behind him and came toward me, an accusing
look in his eyes that made me pretty sure he wasn’t after my alcohol. “I’m
not talking about her. I’m talking about Tess.”
Brett stood up, abandoning his shot. “He knows about Tess?”
I ignored my cousin’s question. “She’s not here. She broke up with me,
if you must know.”
“Good for her,” Brett said, his commentary quite unnecessary in my
opinion.
At the same time, the elder man said, “As she should!”
Grandpa’s opinion stung a bit more. Not that he wasn’t wrong.
“Couldn’t agree more.” I swallowed back most of the remaining
whiskey. Hopefully, Great-Aunt Ida had a decent liquor collection I could
dip into because the mimosas and bloody marys the caterers were serving
were not going to do it.
Grandpa swiped the flask out of my hand. “And that’s what you want?”
“Of course, it’s not what I want. I told you how I feel about her. But it’s
what it is because she doesn’t deserve to be treated like a...what were your
words? A sidepiece.”
“When I said that, you were talking about getting out of your
engagement, not the other way around. What the hell are you doing
showing up with the Kendra girl? Announcing you’re marrying her to the
press? You said that wasn’t going to happen.”
“It’s…” My eyes shifted to Brett, and I hesitated, not wanting to say too
much with someone in the room who could potentially blow my ruse to my
father. “It’s complicated. Let’s just leave it at that.”
He threw my near-empty flask to the ground. “Complicated my ass.
Didn’t you hear anything I said when I told you about sacrifice?”
“I did sacrifice,” I said, ripping off my sunglasses so I could look him in
the eye. “That’s why I’m not here with Tess, Grandpa, because you said if I
loved her I would sacrifice, and so that’s exactly what I did. I gave her up
so she could have the thing that was most important to her.”
“I think you’re wrong about that, buddy, because I’m pretty damn sure
the thing most important to her is you.”
“Her foundation. The sponsorship she wanted. Remember?” It was silly
how much it hurt to acknowledge out loud that I hadn’t been at the top of
her list, even though we’d both been there when she’d said it.
Grandpa looked puzzled. “Your father used it as a bargaining chip?”
“Wouldn’t sign unless I married the ‘right’ girl. So here I am.”
“Wait.” Brett took a step in our direction, reminding me of his presence.
“Your dad said you had to marry Kendra if you wanted the DRF to go
through?”
My eyes darted toward him but landed back on Grandpa who asked,
“That was your version of sacrifice?”
Seriously? I was fucking torn to shreds inside, and he was minimizing
what I’d done to get like that? “Pretty big sacrifice, if you ask me,” I said,
slipping my sunglasses in my breast pocket with one hand, the other still
clutching the cue stick.
He nodded toward the latter. “Can I have that?”
“Uh, sure.” I handed him the stick.
Only to have the end of it slammed forcefully on my foot. “Ow!”
Immediately, he slammed it down again. “Fuck, Grandpa. What the hell?”
For an old man, he had a good deal of strength.
“That’s not what I meant when I told you to sacrifice, you idiot.”
“Then what did you mean? Give up the sponsorship she wants instead?
Because that doesn’t seem like a great way to prove I love her.”
He scowled at me, and I stepped away instinctively, afraid he was about
to attack me again with the stick.
Instead, he just attacked me with words. “I didn’t know dick about this
sponsorship thing you’re talking about. I was talking about you, Scottie.
Your life. What you want from your life versus the life your father thinks
you should have. Stop letting him boss you around. You don’t have to be
what he wants you to be just because he decrees it.”
“He is my boss. I kind of can’t get around that.”
“He doesn’t have to stay your boss.”
I blinked, partly because the room still felt awfully bright without my
sunglasses, but also because his words were taking a minute to register,
which might have been because I was more than a little inebriated. “So
what are you saying?” I asked after a beat. “I should quit SIC?”
He shrugged in that, yeah, obviously way.
“You want me to leave the family company? The place you built? The
place I’ve spent all my life preparing to work at?”
“Ding, ding, ding,” he said, holding the cue stick up like he was ringing
a bell. “It wouldn’t be a sacrifice if it didn’t feel a little impossible to even
imagine.”
More than a little impossible to imagine. The idea of not working for
Sebastian Industrial was like being told that gravity didn’t exist. It turned
my world upside down just to think of it.
I leaned my ass against the billiard table, vaguely aware that Brett was
witnessing all of this, and fuck it, I’d probably said too much in front of him
already. I didn’t have the bandwidth to be concerned because every bit of
my brain power was trying to wrap around Grandpa’s outlandish
suggestion. “But. What would I even do?”
“Anything! You’re smart. A hundred companies would give you a job.
Hell, I bet a dozen would give you a spot on their board in a heartbeat in the
mere hopes of ferreting out at least one useful Sebastian secret from you.”
More blinking. More stretching my mind. “But that’s. I just.” And then
suddenly, I could see it, and since he’d given me the permission to see, I felt
free to imagine it bigger. Like a hundred doors that had been closed to me
all my life had sprung open all at once, and behind them was possibility
after possibility after possibility. “Huh.”
“Now you’re thinking,” Grandpa said, nodding, a gleam in his eye. “Not
even that big of a sacrifice when you give yourself freedom to really dream
it. You have your trust fund. You’ll get your inheritance from me when I
die, whether you’re working for Henry or not. Think of all you could do.”
“All I could do?” I asked, still a bit dazed by the prospect.
“Anything,” he said. “You could do anything.”
Anything.
Something that didn’t involve spending all my time covering my
father’s ass. Something that didn’t have me always worrying about his
approval. Something that I enjoyed and was good at. Something that had
nothing to do with Henry Sebastian and had everything to do with me.
I ran my hand over my beard, feeling like an unkempt man just released
from prison. As amazing as it was to be set free, it was also fucking
terrifying. Walking back into my cell would be a thousand times easier.
I looked intently at my grandfather. “This is really what you want? You
want me to leave your empire? Don’t you want your legacy to continue?”
Didn’t he consider me to be a part of that legacy?
He extended his free hand out and rested it on my upper arm. “It’s not
my empire, Scottie. Not anymore. And my legacy is you. All of you. Every
single one of you that wears my name. You’re what I care about. Your
happiness is what I want.”
My throat felt tight. “Thank you, Grandpa. I appreciate you saying
that.”
“I mean it.”
“I know you do. I know you do.” I put my hand over his and let it linger
for several seconds.
Then I dropped it and straightened to my full height, letting his hand fall
off my shoulder as I did. “Like I said, I appreciate it. I know you want the
best for me. And I want to take your advice—I should have taken it years
ago, probably—but now it wouldn’t help me if I did. If I left SIC, Dad
would definitely pull the sponsorship, and Tessa would be devastated.”
The door of my cell was already closing, the freedom I’d felt moments
before drifting away like a fleeting dream.
Grandpa wrinkled his brow. “You really think she cares more about a
foundation than you?”
“Not more, but it’s important to her. And it’s bigger than us. Neither of
us could live with ourselves if we chose to turn our backs on the
opportunity.”
But Grandpa Irving was the kind of man who didn’t understand words
like can’t or impossible. A man who’d never spent a day of his life living
chained or fettered. “Then don’t. Find another option. Get another business
to back her foundation. You have connections.”
“None as big as I need them to be. Nothing competes with Sebastian
money.” It was a truth that I’d always known, but it had never felt like a bad
thing before.
“I can’t feel guilty about that,” Grandpa said with a sad smile.
“Nor should you. You expected big, and you got it.”
We stood silently, both of us accepting the reality of who we were and
what he’d accomplished.
Then, from behind us, Brett said, “There’s more than one corporation
run by Sebastians.”
There was more than one. Because what Grandpa had built had been so
big that it had long ago been split in two.
Both Grandpa and I looked at Brett. Then we looked at each other.
Could Brett be on to something?
Grandpa’s sly smile said he thought Brett might. “I like this kid,” he
said, pointing to my cousin. “He’s a smart one.”
“Yeah, he is,” I agreed, the idea he’d sparked growing and expanding
like wildfire. This might actually be possible. And with Grandpa on my
side, this could be better than I’d even thought to imagine.
Brett took the compliments in stride. “But do I still get to kick your
ass?”
“Nope. But I think you’ll be happy with what you’re going to get
instead. Are you in?”
He pretended to deliberate, or maybe he really did need to consider it
before giving up the idea of beating me up, which was understandable. “I’m
in. But if you fuck it up—”
“I’ll hire two guys to kick my ass,” I promised. But I expected it
wouldn’t be necessary.
SEVENTEEN
TESS
I LOOKED up at the sound of the knock on my bedroom door. In typical
we’re-too-close-for-formalities fashion, Teyana walked in before I invited
her and found me sitting on my bed, my back against the headboard.
“Came to check on you. Feeling better after your shower?”
I waffled with my response, trying to find a happy medium between not
too morose and honest. Eventually, I settled on, “I don’t know.”
The fact that I’d finished my shower almost half an hour ago and was
still wrapped in my towel probably told her as much as she needed to know.
She chuckled. “Sounds about right. Can I get you anything? Tea?
Vodka? The ice cream carton?”
“Nah, I’m good.” It suddenly occurred to me that I was on the wrong
side of the support system. I was the one who was supposed to be inquiring
about her. I hadn’t even asked when I’d arrived home earlier in the evening
after my week away, excusing myself to my bedroom as soon as I’d walked
in.
“Do you need anything?” I asked, an attempt to step into my usual role.
“How are you feeling?”
“I feel fine. The new meds the specialist has me on are already helping,
I think.”
“Really? So no nausea? No pain? Any fainting spells?”
“Tess, stop. I’m fine. Let me take care of you for once.”
Normally, I would have protested, but I didn’t have the strength. Funny
how exhausting heartbreak was. “Okay. Take care of me.”
“What do you need, baby? Can I get you something to wear?”
“That would be a nice start.” I watched while she got my white
terrycloth robe out of my closet, then after she handed it to me, I awkwardly
maneuvered from wearing the towel to wearing the robe without showing
too many lady bits.
Like a saint, she took my towel from the floor where I’d dropped it and
put it in my hamper across the room. “What else do you need?”
That was a loaded question because what I needed, I couldn’t have.
And not having him was physically painful. I imagined this was what it
felt like to be a recovering addict, jonesing for another hit of Scott. I’d
made it six days sober, ignoring his phone calls and texts, and it didn’t feel
like he was any more out of my system now than he’d been when I’d
walked out his door Monday night.
“Will you come cuddle with me?” Even to my own ears, I sounded
pathetic.
But Teyana didn’t flinch in the slightest. “You bet.”
Less than a handful of seconds later, she was sitting on the bed at my
side, her arms wrapped around me, and while I’d gone home to my mother
seeking this sort of comfort, this was the first time since breaking up with
Scott that I’d felt closer to fine.
She held me like that for a while, letting me weep without trying to
make things better with hollow platitudes, which I very much appreciated.
In fact, she didn’t talk at all. She just rocked me, and despite my state of
despair, I made myself file away the moment for future reference when I
wanted to find the perfect way to be a good friend.
I could have stayed like that all night. Definitely could have fallen
asleep in that position. But after a while, I really needed a tissue, and
particularly after this act of kindness, it didn’t seem polite to drip snot all
over her shoulder, so I forced myself to sit up.
Tey reached over and grabbed a Kleenex from the box on my nightstand
before I could even ask and handed it to me.
“Thank you.” I dabbed at my eyes and then my nose, then took a deep
breath, trying to gain some semblance of humanity.
“Feel better now?”
I did. A little. But it felt like a betrayal to my heartache to admit. So
instead, I asked, “Does it ever get better?”
It occurred to me after I’d asked that she legitimately might not have a
good frame of reference to be able to give a satisfying answer. I’d known
Teyana since college, and in all that time, she’d never had a serious
relationship. Flings, yes. Many, many flings. But never anything that she
had to recover from when it ended.
“I suppose that wasn’t a fair question,” I said when several silent
seconds had passed.
“No, it’s fair. I hope it does. I hope it gets better. But I can’t say that I
know for sure.” She sounded as sad as I felt.
God, she was a good friend. Completely on my side. Feeling my
feelings with me.
“There’s something to look forward to, though,” she said in
afterthought. “Scott’s not going to be engaged to Kendra forever. If you are
still feeling this way about him when they finally break up—and believe
me, I know it feels like it’s an eternity away, but time will pass. I do know
that for certain—that means there is an ending. Eventually. You’ll have him
back, and that’s something to look forward to. Isn’t it?”
“I guess.” It really did feel an eternity away. And while part of me knew
I’d never stop loving Scott, another part of me hoped I would because I
couldn’t imagine surviving like this for more than a few weeks, let alone a
year or more.
But even if I did survive that long, I wasn’t sure that everything would
be better.
“It’s more than the engagement, Tey. I wish it were just that, because
like you said, there’s an end in sight. Well, not necessarily in sight, but
there’s an end. Just, that’s not really the problem, not really.”
She gave me her I-have-no-idea-what-you’re-talking-about-pleaseexplain look.
“I mean, yes, him being engaged is a major problem. It doesn’t help that
he’s engaged to Kendra, of all people, but it’s the reason why he’s engaged
to her.”
“Because of the DRF.”
“Because of his father.” I’d been thinking about this a lot over the last
week, trying to figure out whether this was a real problem or one I’d made
up, and while I didn’t know if I could fully articulate it, I was pretty sure I’d
come to an answer. “Think about it. What it would be like being with him,
when his father—who has made it clear he doesn’t like me—has that much
power over him? What kind of a life could we ever have together? And
okay, I’m not saying we’re going to be together forever, but if that’s not at
least a possibility, then there’s no reason to be waiting for him at all, so I
have to consider what that would be like. Because Scott’s proven who will
win whenever an altercation comes up. He’s proven whose opinion matters
most, and it’s not mine. It’s not even his own. So who would I be dating?
Scott or the person Scott’s father wants him to be? Is that something I could
live with? It probably doesn’t make any sense.”
“Oh, no. It makes perfect sense. And while I can’t say whether or not
it’s something you can live with, I can tell you that I couldn’t. I...can’t.”
It was my turn to be confused. “You can’t live with me in that kind of
relationship?”
“I can’t live in that kind of relationship. I know that from experience.”
I shifted so I could better stare at her profile without craning my neck.
“Teyana, are you holding out on me? Do you have some similar past
relationship story that you haven’t shared?”
“Not past. But yeah. Real similar.” She bit her lip and looked up at me,
her eyes filled with guilt.
“Hold up. What? You’re currently dating someone that I don’t know
about? For how long?” Unless it was someone she’d started dating in the
last six days, I was going to be pretty hurt about her withholding.
“Off and on about…” She paused, and I couldn’t decide if she was
counting or getting the nerve to say. “Three years.”
Definitely getting the nerve to say.
“Oh my God, what? You’ve had an off-and-on relationship for, uh,
basically the whole time you’ve had POTS—”
“A little after my diagnosis, actually.”
“And you’re only just now telling me?” She certainly knew how to
distract me from my misery. “Do I know him?”
“You do. Know her.”
I sat stunned for a beat. Then another. “Okay, uh, what? You’re into
women too? Not that there’s anything wrong with that. You know I’ve
always been supportive of whomever Kendra was dating, and she’s always
gone back and forth, and oh my fucking God.” I knew it without her
confirmation. A woman that we both knew, a woman she’d known for at
least three years, a woman she would have had a hard time admitting to
being with. “You’re in an on-again, off-again relationship with Kendra?!”
“I know, I know. I should have told you.” She repositioned herself so
she was facing me.
“Why the fuck didn’t you?”
“We were afraid of how you’d react. Or that it would complicate your
working relationship. Or I don’t know. Our reasons changed all the time,
and every time I was about to tell you, we’d end up breaking up, and then
there was nothing to tell.”
I was speechless. Not because I didn’t have anything to say, but because
I had so much to say and had no idea where to start, and on top of that I had
no idea what to feel, and I had a shitload of feelings going on, not the least
of which was feeling utterly betrayed.
As always, Teyana seemed to sense my primary emotion. “Tess, I swear,
keeping it secret wasn’t about you. Not really.”
“You literally just said it was.” But my mind was racing too fast to stay
focused on that detail. “She abandoned you when you got sick, Tey.”
“No, she didn’t. It just seemed like it to you.”
“But you hate her!”
“I don’t.”
“You act like you hate her! You encourage me all the time to hate on
her.”
“Because I love her!”
That didn’t make any kind of sense.
Except.
When I gave myself a beat, it did. It made perfect sense. Especially
when I remembered that she’d just hinted to being in a relationship where a
parent’s opinion mattered too much and what Kendra had said when she’d
disappeared the last time, that she was trying to decide between two lovers.
Oh fuck.
And now my heart hurt for Teyana as much as it hurt for Scott because I
understood the situation perfectly. “She chose Scott. Over you. Because of
her parents?” Her religiously active parents who’d never known about her
affairs with women. “Because they’d freak out if she came out with a
woman.”
“A black woman with a debilitating disease, no less.”
“Oh, Tey. I’m sorry.”
She waved away my concern, though her eyes were as watery as mine.
“You’d think I’d be used to it by now. Every time I’d think we were making
progress or that she’d finally say fuck all to her parents and just be with me,
they’d come sweeping in with some new...thing. An event they wanted her
to host. Or a charity they wanted her to find sponsorship for, and she’d end
up saying it wasn’t the right time. So we’d break up. Then I’d miss her, and
I’d go running back. Or she would. Wash, rinse, repeat.”
I shook my head, not able to bear the discrimination and manipulation
on behalf of my friend. “You’re too good for her. She’s selfish and selfcentered.”
“She’s really not. If you knew all the things she’s done for me behind
your back—”
I cut her off, not wanting to hear her defend someone who’d hurt her so
deeply. “She’s a coward, at least. Not able to stand up to her parents? She’s
a grown woman.”
“Scott’s a coward,” she countered.
“He is,” I admitted. “And I love him anyway. And you love her
anyway.”
“Yep.”
It was a lot.
A lot to absorb, a lot to take in. A lot to feel. I was still extremely hurt
about being kept in the dark. And mad about, well, a lot of shit. But mostly
I was just sad. Sad for all of us. For me and Tey, definitely, but also for
Scott and Kendra and the stupid bind their parents had around them.
I reached out and covered her hand with mine. “What are we going to
do, Tey?”
“I don’t know.” She squeezed my hand. Then she let go so she could
grab the whole box of tissues this time, placing it between us before taking
one to wipe her eyes. “I’ve said I was done with her before—a million
times—and when she showed up fucking engaged…” She let out a breath.
“That was one hundred percent the end. No more. Finished. And then you
told me Scott wasn’t going to go through with it, and stupid me. But I got
radio silence from her. Until this week. She called, and there I was at her
doorstep. This whole time you were away, I spent with her.”
“You did?”
She nodded. “She told me she wasn’t really going to marry him, said
she was sorry for even considering it, but that she had to pretend for the
DRF, and after that...after that, she promised we could be together. She’ll
tell her parents and everything.”
My chest felt like it was being crushed by an elephant. It was familiar.
And being on the outside, I could hear what bullshit it was. “And?”
“And I thought of you,” she said. “I thought about how you aren’t
putting up with it. And I realized I’m not that strong.”
“That’s not true.”
She ignored me. “But I want to be. I need to be. For my own sake.”
Ugh. I wanted to be supportive. But I also wanted her to be happy. And
I wanted to be happy. And I wanted to be with Scott. Which was why I
wasn’t capable of telling her not to be with Kendra. Not yet, anyway.
Maybe never.
“Maybe we could double date them. They’ll be engaged, and we can
pretend we’re together, and then we just always hang out as a foursome.” I
wasn’t serious. But it felt good to pretend I was.
“Bet we’d get to go to some damn good parties that way.”
“And the opera.”
“Box seats. We could stare longingly across the theater at each other.”
We laughed. That oh-my-God-it-hurts-so-I-have-to-laugh kind of laugh.
“What are we going to do?” she asked when we weren’t able to find any
more of the humor in our situation.
The obvious answer was live in my pajamas, eat lots of ice cream, and
play sad Taylor Swift songs on repeat. When it had just been me who was
miserable, that had felt like a perfectly fitting agenda.
Now that it was both of us, I was more motivated to find the road out of
despair. I cared more about her emotional well-being than my own, it
seemed. Or it was easier to see someone else’s pathway than it was to see
mine. Or a combination of the two.
“I think,” I said, still searching for the answer. “I think we have to
choose ourselves. I mean, we could keep being depressed about it. About
not being the one that was chosen. Because it fucking sucks that Kendra is
choosing her parents’ opinion over you, and it sucks knowing that Scott
chooses to let his parents control his life rather than be with me. I am plenty
ready to be glum about that for a long time. But eventually, that’s going to
get old, and neither of us wants to let them break us.”
“No, we don’t,” she agreed.
“So I think we have to stop waiting for someone else to choose us, and
we have to choose ourselves. We have to choose to love ourselves the most,
even if they don’t. We have to choose to want the best for us because
relying on someone else to do that for us hasn’t gotten us shit.”
I really didn’t know how much of my speech was for Teyana anymore
because now I was really talking to me. I was tired of feeling sorry for
myself. I was tired of blaming my issues on my father and my ethnicity and
the men I dated and the woman I worked for. There were factors against
me, yes, but they didn’t have to define the things I could control. I could
change who I dated. I could change my work situation. I could choose to
make myself the priority in my own life.
Maybe this was a better way for me to approach my life than the
Sebastian expect-it-to-get-it method. At least for right now. Because I
wasn’t quite sure the things I’d been wanting to get were the best things for
me to have. I needed to make better choices for myself before deciding
what to go after.
“I’ve relied on you, and that hasn’t gotten me shit,” Tey said. “But
everyone else—you’re right. Like, I have an illness, but if I chose to put
myself first and took care of my health preventatively, I bet I’d have fewer
POTSie days.”
“And I don’t have to work for Kendra.”
“Don’t think you have to quit because of me. I know you love what
Conscience Connect stands for.” She’d spent so much time cajoling me
about being loyal to Kendra, it was almost weird to hear her be supportive.
“Thank you. I appreciate that.” Though it didn’t really help me decide
what I should do. “I need some more time to think. I’m going to ask K for a
leave of absence so I can get all my ducks in a row. I have more vacation
time stocked up, and my mother gave me some money when I visited, so
that should buy me some time to make a decision that isn’t based in
heartache.”
“I like that idea.” She considered for a few seconds. “And I’m going to
stick to a healthy sleep schedule and actually do the exercises that my
doctor prescribed.”
I followed her gaze to my bedside clock. It was already eleven. When I
looked back at her face, she was wincing. “I guess that means I need to
head to bed now.”
A good friend would encourage her, I thought.
But a good friend also knew the benefits of a mopey girls’ night.
“We’ll choose ourselves tomorrow,” I said. “Tonight, we choose ice
cream.”
EIGHTEEN
SCOTT
BRETT WALKED BRISKLY at my side along the hallway of the fiftyseventh floor of the Sebastian Center. The floor where the board held all
their meetings. My father’s floor.
“This file has everything you needed from me: performance reports,
press clippings, my CV, etc.” He handed me the manila folder, then held up
a second, thicker folder. “I filled this one with old versions of the
sponsorship agreement in case you end up needing them. It doesn’t include
the latest one from the lawyers, though I’m sure your father will have a
copy of that. Either way, it looks good to walk in with a thick file. I put the
letter you asked me to print on the top.”
“Perfect. Thank you.” I stacked the folders on top of each other, Brett’s
employment file on top.
A couple of strides later, we, and the boardroom, were in sight.
“This is where I leave you,” he said, stopping several yards from the
door. He peered through the glass windows at the long table and the people
—mostly men—sitting around it. “I’m definitely not wanted in there.”
“Not yet. You will be.” I recognized that hungry look in his eyes. He
was ambitious, more ambitious than I’d given him credit for before.
Hopefully, today’s actions would set him on a path that could get him where
he wanted.
Especially because I had a feeling that rising up in the ranks at SIC
really was what he wanted, rather than what someone wanted for him.
I cast my own gaze toward the boardroom. I’d thought this had been my
goal too once upon a time. As soon as I’d given myself permission to want
something else, that had changed.
Want it or not, it was still intimidating.
“You ready for this?” Brett asked, seeming to sense my apprehension.
If I had all the time in the world to prepare, I wasn’t sure I’d be ready
for this.
But I had what I needed. My thoughts were in order. I had a plan.
“Yeah. I’ve got this.”
“You talked to Kendra?”
Instinctively, my free hand went to pat my breast pocket. “Yesterday.
She’s completely behind me.”
“Good, good. Me too, though I obviously have selfish reasons.”
“You were behind me before you knew you’d get anything out of it. I
appreciate that. Pretty sure things wouldn’t have worked out like this
without you pointing me in this direction.”
He tilted his head dismissively. “You would have thought of it
eventually.”
Maybe. But it had already felt like a lifetime since I’d seen Tess, and I
was grateful for anything that made seeing her again not so far away.
With my gratitude came the inevitable twist of guilt. “You do realize
that I’m going to be setting you up for a lot of shit to clean up, right?”
He repeated the same thing he’d said over and over the past couple of
weeks that we’d been conferring. “Best way to prove yourself to your
bosses is through a crisis. It’s the only way I can hope to one day be in that
room. As a Lesser Sebastian, I can’t get an invite by agreeing to get
married. I have to work for it.” He winked. “And don’t worry. I already
have some ideas.”
“Have them ready. I expect you’ll have a meeting with my dad yourself
before the day is done.”
“Then I’d better get back downstairs.” He gave me a supportive clap on
the shoulder. “Let me know what happens.”
“You’ll be the first person I call.” Or perhaps second. I’d promised to
call Grandpa too.
Neither of them were who I knew I’d really want to call.
Thinking of Tess—when wasn’t I thinking of her?—as Brett headed
toward the elevator, I took my phone out of my pocket and pulled up the
text thread that I seemed to check five hundred times a day. Still no texts
from her, but it didn’t stop me from looking. In the four weeks since I’d
seen her, she had yet to answer a single phone call or message. She hadn’t
blocked me, though, and the notification indicator on my phone showed that
she read every message I sent, usually within minutes of my sending.
So I’d messaged her a lot.
Complete one-sided conversations, letting her know about my day, how
much I thought of her, how much I missed her. How much I loved her. Even
without her answering, it helped me feel closer to her. Sometimes the little
“Tess has read your message” notification was all that kept me going.
Soon, that wouldn’t be all I had of her.
Buoyed by that thought, I held up the phone and snapped a picture of
the boardroom. I sent it to her with a short text.
First day at the grown-up’s table. Can’t wait to tell you all about it.
I hadn’t told her anything so far. Hadn’t given her the slightest hint
about my plans. Not because I was afraid she’d talk me out of it or because
I wanted to surprise her, but because this thing I was about to do was
something I had to do myself. For myself. Before I could be the man I
needed to be for her.
I was still staring at my screen when my father bustled by. “Are you
going to dawdle all day, or are you coming in with me?” he asked without
stopping.
“Just waiting for you.” I put my phone back in my pocket, and taking a
deep breath, I followed him in.
“Gentlemen. Ladies.” My father moved to stand behind the chair at the
head of the table, adding the latter part as an afterthought. Seven years now
there had been women on the SIC board, and he still hadn’t accepted it as
the norm.
What an asshole.
“I’m sure you all already know my son, Scott. He’ll be leaving his
position as VP of image and outreach and filling the role of VP of
communications.” More of a lateral move than a promotion, and only barely
out of the PR department, but he was able to say he’d fulfilled his end of the
bargain. “He’ll also be taking a place on the board, starting today.”
He gestured for me to take one of the open seats in the middle of the
table, specifically ignoring the empty one at his side. Of course. Because he
wouldn’t ever want me to have the idea that I was his right-hand man or
that I was relevant to him at all. He’d given me this appointment because
he’d known it was what I’d wanted, but I bet he had no intention of actually
letting me contribute.
All the more reason to follow through with my plans.
Not wanting to drag out this meeting longer than necessary, I hurried to
my seat, nodding at my brother Cole as I settled in. A few other board
members got in a welcome and a handshake before my father moved the
meeting along. “I see the first item on our agenda is approving the DRF
sponsorship paperwork. There have been a few notable revisions since the
last time we discussed it.”
With a glance, an assistant rushed to my father with a set of documents
before distributing copies around the table. Henry flipped through the
papers, seeming to look for something specific. “Where is that clause
regarding the use of management funds?”
“Dad, how about I take this over since I’m the most familiar with this
project?”
An offer to assume control of the meeting could easily be taken by my
father as an attempt to usurp his authority. Or he could view it as
assertiveness, a quality he favored. All depending on his mood.
Fortunately, today he seemed to appreciate passing it off. “Yes, Scott.
Why don’t you go ahead and lead the discussion?”
There was also a possibility he was setting me up for failure.
I reminded myself that I couldn’t fail this. I’d already succeeded. There
was just this one tiny part left, and if I fucked it up, it wouldn’t change
anything else.
But Brett deserved for this to go well, so I was still thinking positively.
“Happy to do so.” I pulled the bottom file folder out, as if I were
planning to dive into it. But instead of opening it, I pretended to change my
mind. “Actually, before we get to that, there is another matter we need to
finalize.” I opened the folder containing the copies of Brett’s CV and
performance reviews and began passing them around.
“Hold on,” my father scolded without even looking at the papers. “I
know you’re new here, Scott, but we stick strictly to the agenda. Anything
else you’d like to discuss can be brought up at the end of the meeting to put
on a calendar for a future date.”
“Yes, Dad, I do understand how board meetings work. This, however,
pertains to the sponsorship, and speaking as the former head of PR,
neglecting to take care of it first is highly irresponsible.”
He frowned, but he scanned the top page of the packet I’d given him.
“Brett? What’s this about?”
“Naming my replacement. The VP of image and outreach is going to be
in charge of overseeing any sponsorships SIC takes on. Without someone to
hand it off to afterward, any deal you agree on will just sit. Besides, with as
many PR crises as we’ve had lately,” and with those that were on the
horizon, “it’s negligent not to get this taken care of right away.”
I almost didn’t recognize Henry’s expression since I’d seen it so
infrequently over the years—he was impressed. “Very wise. And you’re
recommending Brett take your place?”
“As you can see with what I’ve provided, his performance is
commendable. He knows the job backward and forward, and most
importantly, he’s committed to both the responsibility and to SIC. I don’t
think there’s another person inside or outside the department who would
better fill the role.” I swiveled my head and winked at the other board
members. “Don’t let the last name fool you. He’s actually qualified for the
position.”
Chuckles rippled around the table, though all but Cole immediately got
somber after seeing my father’s scowl. “This isn’t a place to play court
jester, Scott. As for the business at hand, if the former VP recommends
Brett Sebastian as his replacement, I’m keen to agree. All those in favor say
aye.”
The ayes that followed were unnecessary. SIC was owned privately, and
my father didn’t have to go with the board’s advice if he didn’t wish to. But
the vote did formalize the decision, and with the board behind the
promotion, I was more confident my father wouldn’t later try to change his
mind.
Which meant victory achieved.
It was hard to hide my smile. Hard to keep the bubble of excitement
growing in my chest from exploding into a shout of hallelujah. The only
thing that kept me from getting out of my chair and jumping in the air was
knowing my next play was going to feel even better.
“Now on to the next item of business,” I said, somehow managing to
maintain some semblance of dignity. I moved to the other file and pulled
out the single sheet of letterhead. Hesitating briefly, only so I could make
sure I relished the moment, I slid the paper toward my father. “With my
replacement settled on, I quit.”
“What?” The assistant standing near the wall, ready to act as soon as my
father snapped his fingers, was the only one to speak. The rest of the room
gaped, their eyes darting back and forth from my father to me.
He managed to find his voice quickly. “What was that you said?”
“I believe he said he quit, Dad.” Cole might have been enjoying this as
much as I was. He reached out to grab my resignation letter since my father
hadn’t bothered to look at it yet. “Yep. That’s what this says too.”
Dad was furious. “What the hell is the meaning of this theatrical
display, Scott?”
I stood up. “It means I no longer work for you. Oh, and,” I dipped into
my breast pocket, retrieved the ring nestled inside, and placed it on the table
next to my resignation, “I’m not getting married either.”
At least not to Kendra Montgomery.
Whether or not I would be marrying another woman remained to be
seen.
The look on my father’s face was priceless. I’d never seen him so red.
“This deal is off,” he said, holding up the DRF contract. “No way is it
getting signed now.”
I picked up my folders. “Oh, I forgot to say, the DRF isn’t interested in
signing anymore. They’ve found another sponsor, one with less drama at its
helm.” Slightly less. Regardless, it sounded good. “Hope that doesn’t screw
up the agenda too much for all of you. I’ll be getting out of here so you can
all get back on track.”
“You walk out that door, Scott, and you will never be welcome in this
boardroom again. Not ever. You walk out that door, and you’re not
welcome back home, either. Your life as you know it is over.”
My father’s shouts followed me as I crossed the room. I was fairly sure
he lost his temper often enough in front of his top employees to make
today’s outburst fairly routine, but it was still satisfying knowing I’d gotten
him that worked up.
Even more satisfying was walking out that door and knowing that the
life that I wanted had just begun.
NINETEEN
TESS
“KENDRA?” I called, opening the door slowly so I wouldn’t startle her.
It had been several weeks since I’d been to her apartment, and though
I’d used my key on a regular basis before, things felt different now.
But since she hadn’t answered when I’d knocked, I poked in carefully.
Her condo looked the same as usual, immaculate in some areas, others
in total disarray. Kendra was like that, only occupying parts of her
apartment at a time, the same way she only occupied parts of her life. Her
sofa, for example, had books and magazines piled as though she’d been
doing a binge read. The coffee table had her laptop and more than one
empty plate that had yet to be taken to the kitchen.
On the other hand, her office—a room I could easily see due to the open
layout—looked tidy and neglected.
Which made sense, I supposed. I was usually the one who pulled her in
there when she would have been perfectly happy to work from the living
room.
Vainly, I wondered if she’d even been able to get any work done at all
since I’d been on leave.
Feeling guilty for the thought, I gathered up her dirty dishes and carried
them to the kitchen, cleaning up after her in the way I’d grown accustomed
to as her employee. In the same way I cleaned up after Teyana.
God, if they ever actually got together, the two of them would need to
hire an adult nanny.
Not it.
After leaving the kitchen, a thump drew me from the main part of the
apartment. “Kendra?” I called again.
“Back here,” she said, her voice seeming farther away than it should for
being in her bedroom.
I followed the sound and found her in her closet, sitting on the floor,
wearing nothing but a matching bra and panty set, a variety of outfits
strewn around her.
She peered up at me, her perfectly made-up eyes blinking in surprise,
which had me wondering who in the hell she’d thought I was when she’d
invited me to come waltzing into her closet while she was half naked. Then
I remembered I was dealing with someone who didn’t always connect
thoughts and events in a linear fashion, and also someone who had no
boundaries when it came to her body.
“Am I running late?” she asked.
I shook my head. “I came early. Thought we should probably talk first.”
“Oh, good. Seeing how I’m still not dressed.” Her face and hair were
already done, though, so she’d be ready to go as soon as she was.
But even with my appearance, she made no move to do so.
In all the years I’d known her, she’d never been one to have a hard time
choosing an outfit. No, this was something else. Something I recognized
since it had only been about two months since I’d sat in her same exact
spot, fretting about how I was going to be able to pull off selling the DRF to
Scott Sebastian behind Kendra’s back.
When I’d been in that state, Teyana had joined me on the floor.
It had been a while since I’d been that close to Kendra, but the impulse
felt right, and I plopped myself on the ground and stretched my legs out in
front of me, figuring the closet was as good a place to talk as any.
But as many times as I’d practiced my speech, the words didn’t come.
And I wasn’t about to ask her what was up with her because frankly, I
didn’t care.
Or I was trying not to care. Not caring was harder to follow through
with than I wanted it to be. Even after the way she’d treated me, even after
keeping her relationship with Teyana a secret for so long. Even though she
was engaged to the man I loved.
Instinctively, I glanced at her left hand and saw it bare.
I wasn’t going to ask about that, either. She probably just didn’t wear it
all the time and would put it on before we left.
Before she left. I still hadn’t decided if we’d be leaving together.
After several silent minutes, she drew her knees up to her chest and
rested her head on the top of them. “I wasn’t sure you’d show up.”
Annoyance stabbed through me. In all the years I’d worked for her, I’d
never not come in when I was supposed to, and I was offended that she’d
think it was a possibility I’d flake now, never mind that it had definitely
crossed my mind.
But being annoyed wasn’t going to get us anywhere. What we needed
was to finally be honest. “I wasn’t sure I would either,” I admitted. “And
I’m really not sure whether or not I’m staying.”
“Not staying today or not staying ever?”
It was an odd way to phrase it, but I understood what she was asking.
“Both maybe. I don’t know.” I pulled my knees to my chest, mirroring her
posture. “It depends on what you’d want me to stay for.”
“Because you’re a stellar employee. Because I like having you around.
Because you know who I am and you still…” She trailed off, seeming
uncertain how to fill in the blank.
I still...yeah.
I had still for her an awful lot. Still stayed loyal when she’d taken me
for granted and kept me in the dark and hadn’t given me the opportunity to
grow.
But maybe I’d done a bit of the same to her.
Besides, that hadn’t been what I was asking. “I mean, what job do you
want me to stay for? If you want me to be here as your assistant and house
sitter and housemaid—”
“That’s not fair to you,” she finished for me. “It’s not where you belong
either. I know that. I’ve always known it.”
I propped my chin up on the top of one knee. “Then why is that where
you kept me?”
She blew out a rush of air. “I’ve been wondering about that a lot lately,
trying to come up with the answer. It was a lot of things, I think, none of
them good excuses, but if you want to know—”
“I do.”
“Well. It was easier, for one. You know what I need and how to do
things the way I like them, and training someone new for that is just...hard.”
“I would help with that, you know.”
“I know. But whomever I hired, she’d never be you.”
Flattery was exactly the way to my heart. But I steeled myself against it,
not wanting to get caught up in the warm fluffy feelings when this
conversation needed to be had in full. “Why else?”
“I was selfish. Obviously. I liked having you to myself. I liked that you
weren’t a part of the elitist snobs I deal with on a daily basis. I liked that
you were real.”
She was right—it was selfish. Considering what I knew now about her
world, though, it also might have been a protective instinct on her part. I
didn’t really want to give her that much credit, but since she hadn’t tried to
ask for it, it was easier to admit she might deserve it.
I didn’t have to encourage her to go on this time. “And because I think I
wanted something I could control. When it feels like I have nothing I can
control. Nothing that’s all mine. This business was, and I was afraid…” She
paused to clear her throat. “I think I was afraid that if I let you be
everything that you could be, you’d outshine me.”
Ugh. Immature, ridiculous, gross thinking, and yet so many people in
our society thought along the same lines. Women were taught to feel that
way, especially. Taught that there was limited room at the top for the female
gender, and so we better claw our way up and push everyone else down.
She’d probably had that idea pushed on her more than I had, coming
from a world of perfection. A world that valued how things were perceived
more than the reality behind them. A world that would make a woman feel
like she should choose a loveless marriage instead of the woman she loved.
I wanted to be mad at her. And I was. But also, I felt sorry for her.
And I loved her. And wanted the best for her. Despite everything. Still.
“The success of other people doesn’t diminish your own value,” I told
her, hoping she’d hear it.
“I know,” she said. “I really do know. And maybe it would have been
easier to allow that to be true with you if it weren’t you. Because you
already had the thing I wanted most. How could I give you what was left
too?”
I had the thing she wanted most? What on earth could I have that she
wanted when she had money and good looks and success and the right
pedigree and Scott and...
Oh.
“Teyana,” I said. It wasn’t a secret that I knew about their on-again, offagain affair. I’d told her when I’d told her I was taking a leave, and Tey had
had at least one long phone call with her about it.
But even though I’d gotten used to the idea of them being together, I
still hadn’t put it all the way into perspective, and I tried to do that now.
Tried to imagine myself in her shoes, which wasn’t hard since Kendra had
Scott, a fact that was devastating. If I had everything else she had, and she
only had him, I’d still seethe with envy.
So, yeah. I could understand her feeling that way about me.
Except… “I don’t have Teyana, K.”
“You do, though. You have the ability to be with her and be yourself and
not worry about who thinks what about who you are to each other.”
I leaned forward, forcing her to meet my eyes. “You have that ability
too.”
“Not without losing.”
It wasn’t fair for me to try to decide whether or not the things that she
would lose by coming out about Teyana were worth it. There was no way I
could make those assumptions, especially when I was solidly part of the
privileged when it came to sexual orientation. I couldn’t truly understand
the obstacles and prejudices a bisexual woman faced or make a judgment
about how she chose to deal with that.
But I did know something about losing in general. “I think that’s what
love is about sometimes. About losing. Sacrificing, but also about losing
yourself or the idea of who you are because you’ve finally seen who you
are through the eyes of someone who loves you better than you love
yourself, and it doesn’t quite match up to what you thought you were.”
Like how Scott had known I wouldn’t be able to give up the DRF for
him. Because he saw me as that good of a person, and I believed him,
which made me have to change my self-identity. It made me lose him, too,
of course.
But this wasn’t about me.
“I know that oversimplifies things,” I went on. “But maybe instead of
worrying about all that you’ll lose, you can focus on what you’ll gain. As
someone who is loved by Teyana, I bet it’s worth it.”
Kendra cocked her head, thinking. Absorbing, perhaps.
“Exactly what I needed to hear,” she said. “You’re very wise.”
Then she wiped her eyes, though there was nothing to wipe since her
tears hadn’t actually made it to her cheeks—God, she was even the perfect
crier—and clapped her hands together. “Which is why I have to have you as
my partner.”
I nodded.
Then shook my head.
“What?” I couldn’t have heard her right.
“My partner. I know it will be a while before you can afford the buy-in,
but keep making deals like this Sebastian deal we’re signing today, and it
won’t take long at all.”
I shifted, crossing my legs and ignoring how wrinkled my pantsuit
would be later. “Does that mean you want me to do what you do? Match up
organizations with sponsors? Pitch and everything?”
“All of it. And you can keep eighty percent of your negotiated salary.
The other twenty percent can help us afford a new assistant.” She grew
suddenly sober. “If you want to, I mean. But if you’re over me or
Conscience Connect, I will write you a glowing recommendation and wish
you the best as you go off on your own pathway. I love you enough to lose.
Whether I have to lose myself or lose you, I love you, and I hope you
choose to stay. Think about it. Please.”
I didn’t have to think about it. The one offer I thought she could give me
to make me stay was letting me pitch deals. Giving me a raise and offering
a buy-in was beyond anything I could have imagined.
But I couldn’t agree without a semblance of negotiation. “Throw in
season opera tickets, and I’m on board.”
“Done.”
We both smiled, and it felt suddenly like it had when we were in
college, both of us with equal footing—or equal-er footing. When the only
thing between us had been friendship, and that had been plenty.
Having my career decided was a relief, but it didn’t change the rest of
my life, and soon enough that reality set in. Today, the DRF sponsorship
would be wrapped up, on paper at least. The latest contract stated the
funding would take place over eighteen months, according to Kendra, who
had acted as the liaison and kept me informed with brief texts over the
weeks of my leave. Eighteen months until Scott could break up with
Kendra.
Would they even be able to postpone a wedding that long?
I didn’t want to think about that. We were doing a good thing for the
DRF. An important thing. That was what mattered.
“Speaking as a future partner, not a nagging assistant, we should
probably get moving.” I stood up and reached a hand out to help her up.
“I couldn’t decide what I should wear.” She picked up a couple of
dresses from the floor. “The red? Or the peach?”
“What look are you going for?” Neither screamed professional, though
both would do.
“Too sexy to resist.”
“Uh, then the red.”
She scanned over my appearance, as if really looking at me for the first
time since I’d arrived. “And you’re going to wear that? Do you want to
wear the peach?”
The pantsuit I was wearing was new, a present to myself with my
mother’s money, and I knew for a fact it made me look powerful. At least
that’s what both Tey and the saleswoman had said, and I was trusting
enough to believe them. “I’ll stick with this, thanks.”
“Even though Scott is going to be there?”
Especially since Scott was going to be there. I didn’t need to walk in
looking for his attention. Today would be easier ignoring our chemistry
altogether.
And after today, I wouldn’t have to see him for work at all.
I tried not to be disappointed about that.
“You do know Scott and I broke up?” He’d told me she knew about us,
but I had no idea if he’d updated her after I’d walked out on him.
“Yeah, but after to—” She cut herself off. “I’d better rush. Can you do
me a favor and see if you can find where I left my phone?”
Future partner or not, there were some parts of our relationship that I
suspected would never change. “Yep.”
LESS THAN AN HOUR LATER, we walked into the Sebastian Center
and discovered Teyana waiting for us in the lobby.
“I thought you had an appointment with the specialist and the
documentary people today.” I looked around, half expecting to see the
camera crew.
“I did, but you know how they provide a car for me to and from? The
driver brought me here afterward. When I asked why, he said they didn’t
know anything except that Mr. Sebastian told him to. I hoped you’d know
what was up when you got here.”
I definitely didn’t.
But I knew who did.
Narrowing my eyes, I turned to Kendra. She shrugged innocently, but
she refused to meet my gaze. Or Teyana’s. She obviously knew something.
“There’s Sarah and Peter,” she said, deflecting. “We should grab the
elevator with them.”
She hurried to catch the employees from the DRF. We towed just far
enough behind that Tey and I could talk without being heard.
“She’s up to something,” she said suspiciously.
“She knew you were coming for sure. It took her forever to choose what
to wear.” I didn’t add that Kendra had also neglected to put her engagement
ring on. I didn’t want it to seem like it was something I noticed.
“Really?” Her voice lilted up with cautious excitement. “She does look
damn good in red. Bitch.”
It was strange to watch her around Kendra now. I’d assumed that the
snarky remarks Tey always made were about my relationship with Kendra
and not her own. Now I saw the resentment of their situation for what it
was.
If I ended up talking to Scott today, I might behave in the same way.
Or I might end up blubbering in his arms. It had taken all the restraint I
possessed to not text him back over the last few weeks. If I’d had any sense
of self-preservation, I would have blocked his number and deleted all the
messages he’d sent.
But while I was pretty confident I was getting better at the whole
choosing myself thing, I was still a sucker for every notification ping that
came across my phone. I knew I needed to cut myself off so I could move
on, but right now those glimpses of his life kept me going. The one he’d
sent only that morning burned in my mind like a tattoo in my brain.
Soon. It will all be over soon. I love you.
It was both ominous and uplifting. Soon it would be over, and I’d have
no reason to see him until his engagement was up. And I still loved him.
Knife. Straight to the heart.
After today, I told myself. When the contracts were signed, and his
eighteen-month commitment to Kendra would be official, I would block his
number and delete the texts then. What better reason for closure would
there be than that?
Kendra caught up with the others and pushed the call button before Tey
and I got there, so when we did, the elevator was waiting, and we walked
straight on.
“Today’s the day,” Sarah said, excited.
“I can’t believe it’s actually happening,” I said. When I let myself think
about the fact that the sponsorship was going through and that it was
because of me, the day became a lot more thrilling.
“You’ll have a nice salary, too, according to the stipulations set out by
SIC.” As the president of the Dysautonomia Relief Foundation, Peter
probably looked at my pay as money he could be doing more with if it went
straight to them instead of me.
Well, too bad. I needed to make a living, and as far as I was concerned,
I’d earned it.
Sarah gave me a wink that said to ignore him. Then the elevator doors
shut, and I made polite conversation with the two of them as we rode up
while Teyana and Kendra stood shoulder to shoulder in front of me. The
sexual tension sparking off them was so thick, I couldn’t believe I’d ever
missed it, and when their fingers brushed against each other, I swear I felt
the jolt through my body as if it had been my fingers brushing against the
person I loved.
And they were both in the same position Scott and I were in. Unable to
really be together, even if Kendra decided to ignore her parents and choose
herself. Not without sacrificing the DRF. None of us were willing to do that.
I was so mired in feeling glum about the situation—along with
admittedly having butterflies about the prospect of seeing Scott—that I
neglected to notice the floor number when we got off the elevator until the
doors had shut behind us, and I didn’t recognize anything around me.
“I think we got off on the wrong floor,” I said to Kendra.
“No, we’re here today. I know where the room is. Follow me.” She
brushed past us to lead us down a long hallway past offices with signs like
Media Relations, Production Development, and Director of Digital Content.
“Something’s weird,” I whispered to Teyana.
She was gazing forlornly after Kendra and took a moment to look at me.
“What? Why?”
“Because this is all media related. Sebastian Industrial shouldn’t have
offices like this.”
“But we’re at the Sebastian Center.”
“Do they rent out space in the building to other companies?” I didn’t
know why I was asking her. She wouldn’t know the answer any better than
I would.
Before I could direct the question to Kendra instead, we were at a large
conference room, being ushered in by an assistant or receptionist-type
person who was definitely not Eden or anyone else I recognized. In fact,
there wasn’t anyone at all that I recognized, and there were quite a few
people in the room. Where were Paris and Anthony and the Matts? Where
were the lawyers? Where was Brett? Where was Scott or his father, Henry?
“It looks like we’re the last ones here,” Kendra said, looking around the
room. With a nod from an older gentleman standing at the door, she
gestured for us to sit. “If you will all take a seat, I’ll get us started.”
I hesitated, wanting to get in a private word with her first, but she beat
me to it. “In the future, you’ll handle this next part. Just, since you’ve been
out of the loop, I’m going to step in today.”
“Uh. Okay.” Considering that I’d never actually been a liaison, I was
happy to watch and learn. “But—”
I couldn’t say more since she’d already crossed the room to the head of
the table. I exchanged a glance with Teyana, then we sat down in two of the
empty chairs remaining.
Immediately, Kendra welcomed everyone. “I think there are a few
people here who might not know me, so I’ll introduce myself. I’m Kendra
Montgomery, owner of Conscience Connect, and I am very excited that we
have finally arrived at the day we seal up this wonderful partnership
between the Sebastian name and the Dysautonomia Relief Foundation.
“While we did set out to court Sebastian Industrial for this union, led by
my friend and partner Tess Turani…” She paused to gesture toward me. All
eyes swept in my direction, and I waved awkwardly. “Our negotiations
broke down a week ago when their high demands forced us to abandon our
hopes of compromise.”
Wait...what?
Teyana slanted close to whisper, “High demands?”
“Demanding someone marry someone they don’t love is kind of a high
demand.” Though, that probably wasn’t what Kendra was alluding to in
front of all these people.
...or hold on.
I leaned forward, eager for her to go on, my stomach fluttering with
tentative exhilaration.
“Fortunately, due to innovative thinking, a passion to succeed, and the
support of the empire founder himself, Irving Sebastian, our teams were
able to shift directions and secure funding with a corporation equally
capable of sponsoring the DRF at the same level we could expect from the
SIC. For more on that, I’ll turn the floor over to Sebastian News Corp
president, Samuel Sebastian.”
Sebastian News Corp? Samuel?
I vaguely remembered Brett mentioning Samuel as one of Henry’s
younger brothers. And News Corp was another branch of the Sebastian
holdings, a corporation that had split off from SIC in the nineties and was
led by Samuel and another brother, August.
Which meant they were a Sebastian company not run by Henry.
Which meant they had Sebastian money and possibly no interest in who
Scott married.
That tentative exhilaration lost its uncertainty and burst into full-blown
excitement. Oh, Scott! What glorious thing have you done?
But where was he? And how on earth would his father let him get away
with this?
My knee bounced under the table as the older gentleman who’d been
standing by the door came forward, and Kendra took one of the other empty
chairs. “Thank you, Ms. Montgomery. I’ll make my speech brief and let the
people who really know what goes on around here handle the actual
business.”
A polite chuckle spread through the room.
“In all seriousness, I just wanted to stop by and welcome the DRF to the
family. I’m excited to bring awareness to this important issue and to
hopefully change the world for those suffering from dysautonomia-related
syndromes. It’s high time SNC was involved with more public outreach,
and we couldn’t step out in the limelight with a better partner than the DRF,
so thank you all for being part of this. With all that said, let me turn this
over to the man in charge from here on out, our newest board member and
VP of public integrity.”
On cue, the door opened, and in walked the man I loved.
TWENTY
TESS
AFTER A MONTH of not seeing him, I thought I’d exaggerated how
attractive Scott was in my mind.
Nope.
Stupid hot.
That had been my first impression of him, and now I was reminded
why. His blue eyes set against light brown hair. His chiseled jaw. His sexy
beard. And oh my God, he could wear a suit like no other man I knew.
Today’s was especially well-tailored. A three-piece gray that wrapped
around him like a glove.
But the most beautiful thing about him at the moment was his new title
—VP of public integrity for Sebastian News Corp. This was why Kendra
wasn’t wearing her ring, wasn’t it? This was why Teyana was here. This
was why Scott’s text had said It will all be over soon.
Still, I was a little gun-shy. Afraid of getting my hopes up, and even
though the expect-t-to-get-it mantra was standing as living proof right
before me, I refused to let myself get carried away with what Scott’s new
position might mean.
I would listen and wait and see.
Teyana was not on board with that approach. Leaning toward me, she
whisper-hissed, “Oh my God, Tess, did—”
“Shh,” I cut her off.
“But—”
“Shhhh.” This time I added an elbow to her ribs for emphasis.
I was having a hard enough time concentrating on Scott without her
buzzing at my side. What was that he’d said about the timeline? And the
documentary? And why had he yet to look at me?
My phone buzzed on the table in front of me, causing a few sideways
eyes from others in the room. I picked it up and threw it in my lap without
looking at it so any further buzzing wouldn’t be a disturbance. The text was
obviously from Teyana because even though I’d missed watching her type
anything into her own phone, she was now staring at me with that don’tyou-dare-ignore-me look she was so good at giving.
Giving in, I picked up my phone and read her text.
Did your guy just quit his job for you?
It sure looked like he had.
For US, I texted back. This meeting was about the DRF, after all.
Uh-uh. The DRF had a deal when he was still at SIC. This is all
about you.
Breathing felt shaky, like my insides were twittering too much to draw
in the right amount of air. This was all about me. This was all for me.
Nope. Nope. Not getting my hopes up. I texted back. Maybe he got
fired.
This earned me a kick to the shin, which I thought was uncalled for. It
was a fair concern because what if he did get fired? What if all of this was
his attempt to salvage a bad situation rather than making a situation where
he could be with me?
Maybe it was dumb to nitpick about it, but now that I’d gotten hung up
on wanting to be put first, I wanted to really be sure that I had been.
I gave Teyana a glare, hoping to communicate all that, to which she
responded by rapidly typing into her phone.
But I was done with the conversation. I powered my phone off and
tossed it back in my lap. Pointedly, I angled my chair so that it was harder
to see Tey in my periphery and willed myself to focus on Scott’s words,
which was easier said than done with how distracting his lips were.
“One of the hang-ups we had with the SIC contract was the distribution
schedule,” he was saying now. “We’ve firmly put that in place in this
version with a lump sum delivered at the beginning of each year so that the
DRF can plan their budget accordingly. Furthermore, we have added a
clause binding SNC to at least the first three donations of the five-year
contract.”
Five years!
An annual lump sum!
A clause binding SNC to the payment!
Scott had addressed every issue I’d had with the previous contract and
more. My salary was, as Peter had suggested, outrageously generous. The
commitment to outreach on SNC’s part had been doubled. The documentary
budget had been increased and now would be debuted exclusively on one of
SNC’s primetime networks. I’d seen most of the contracts that Kendra had
eventually settled on, and I could say without a doubt that this was
Conscience Connect’s best deal ever.
Which was probably because of me but also would be understandable if
he was still engaged to Kendra, and seriously, I was going to die before this
meeting was over and I got to talk to him alone to find out.
After what felt like ages, the pens came out, and the final contract and
all its copies were passed between Peter and Scott and signed by both.
Of course, then someone mentioned we should get pictures for
publicity, but Scott (thankfully) quickly nixed that. “I’ll have my assistant
set up a photo shoot where we can stage another signing. Better quality than
phone snapshots and all that.”
Still, people lingered. Everyone, it seemed, wanted a moment with
Scott, which was maybe the downside of being the man in charge. I stood
waiting not-so-patiently, pretending to play on my phone while
eavesdropping on Teyana and Kendra.
“Does this mean you’re not engaged?” Tey asked.
“Definitely not engaged.”
My belly fluttered so dramatically, I thought I might throw up.
But had it been Scott who broke it off or Kendra? Did it matter?
“What does this—” Tey said behind me, interrupting my thoughts.
At the same time, Kendra said, “Do you think—”
Awkward apologizing ensued, followed by a ridiculous back and forth
of you go first, no you.
It was Kendra who won the right to speak. “Do you think you would be
willing to talk sometime about what it might look like if we
were...openly...together?”
“I’d be willing, but I can already tell you what it would look like. It
would look like this.”
They stopped talking, and when one of the old stuffy lawyers made a
face, my curiosity forced me to turn around.
I found them in a lip-lock so heated it made me blush.
When they finally broke for air, Kendra was blushing too. “People are
watching.”
“And neither of us burst into flames,” Tey said. “Weird how that didn’t
happen.”
“Real weird.” Kendra pulled my friend back in for another kiss.
“Get a room,” I teased, but I kind of half meant it because I’d noticed
the crowd in the room had dwindled in size, and I was mildly afraid the two
of them would suggest we all go out to lunch when I very much wanted to
only be with Scott.
“Your place or mine?” Kendra asked.
Tey rolled her eyes like she was ridiculous. “Yours, of course.” She
called to me over her shoulder as she left. “Don’t wait up, honey. I’ll be
home late.”
“If she comes home at all,” Kendra added.
“So Teyana and Kendra,” Scott said behind me as the conference room
door shut behind the women.
I turned around and realized everyone else had gone. It was just me and
him now, and the last thing I wanted to do was talk about Teyana and
Kendra when I was already wondering if the conference room door had an
automatic lock.
“You’re not engaged,” I said rather than asked.
“I’m not engaged.”
We were separated by several yards and a wall of pure heat, but the only
thing that was keeping me from running to him was a tiny strand of
willpower.
There were things that had to be said. Things that had to be asked.
Things that had to be sorted, and all of those things required talking, which
wasn’t generally the activity the two of us were drawn to when we were
together.
As demonstrated with the way he was prowling toward me.
“And you no longer report to your dad.”
A simple shake of his head. Another prowl-like step in my direction.
“So...how did all that happen exactly?” I asked, keeping my feet
planted.
“Well. After my grandfather reminded me that I was thinking too small
and a reminder from Brett that there was more than one Sebastian
corporation with power, I approached my uncle Samuel and just asked.”
“Asked for…?”
“The sponsorship. A job. He created the position just for me, at my
suggestion. He jumped at the idea because who wouldn’t? I mean, I’m a
catch. At work and otherwise. But also because he knew it would piss my
father off. Uncle Samuel is not a fan of Henry Sebastian. And even if I
decide to leave him and find a job that’s not Sebastian-related at all—which
is an option I’d never considered before, a really freeing option—the DRF
will still be funded so we don’t have—”
I cut him off, needing to stick to the most important details since my
restraint was wearing thin. “You quit your job. For me. You chose me.”
I didn’t need a response—not that I had the strength to wait for one,
anyway—I ran into his arms, my mouth crashing against his with an
intensity that made Kendra and Tey’s make-out session look like a peck on
the cheek. His arms wrapped around me, and within seconds we were
grinding against each other in the not-suitable-for-work way we generally
did whenever we were together which was often, ironically, at work.
That was the way with us, though. Fireworks and heat.
There was substance too. A connection that went beyond lust. One that
we could explore and strengthen and grow now that we didn’t have any
stupid restraints on our relationship.
But first, after a month of not touching, there needed to be a lot of it to
make up.
Except, we were barely breathless and our clothes were all still
disappointingly in place—damn the outfit I’d chosen, Kendra was right!—
when Scott pulled away.
Instinctually, I followed after him, my lips chasing him as he drew back,
until he cupped his hands on my cheeks and held my face in place.
“Hey,” he said. “I always chose you. From the very beginning. Over and
over, I never stopped choosing you.”
Whether or not it was technically true, it was a sweet thing to say, and I
was happy to accept it for that and get back to the physical stuff, but
something about the sincerity in his eyes made me stop and actually think
about it.
And realized he was right.
He had chosen me. Over and over. He’d chosen me on that rooftop.
He’d chosen me again when I’d showed up at his office with my pitch.
He’d chosen me when he let me push the foundation I wanted SIC to
support. He’d chosen me when he’d gotten Tey a specialist and when he’d
introduced me to his grandfather and when he decided he had to stay
engaged to Kendra in order to get the DRF sponsored.
“You did choose me,” I said, letting it really sink in.
“It just took me a minute to realize I also had to choose myself.”
Huh. Seemed we’d been on the same spiritual journey this past month. I
was excited to continue it with him at my side.
I pushed forward out of his grasp so I could brush a kiss across his lips.
“I choose you back, Scott Sebastian, man that I love.”
“I love you, Tessa Turani.” He pulled me tightly against him, the mood
quickly reverting to the lust-filled one from before our declarations were
made, the thick bulge in his pants a sign of where things were obviously
going. “Now if I could just figure out how I’m going to get my cock inside
your pantsuit…”
“You’re a man of resources. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
EPILOGUE: SCOTT
The following September
I WATCHED as Tessa climbed the ladder above me, tensing with every one
of her steps. “I can’t believe you’re doing that in those heels.”
“The heels I wore last year were even higher.”
I waited until she was safely on the next level before hurriedly climbing
up myself, only breathing easily when I was standing on solid ground at her
side. Loving Tess had brought out a protective urge in me that hadn’t
existed before her. Just another one of the ways she’d changed me, all for
the better, though she could probably do with a little less of my machismo.
Fortunately for me, she insisted it was a turn-on.
I took her hand in mine, slowly walking toward the silos that housed the
building’s mechanics, pausing when a wave of cheering erupted from the
bar below us.
“They must be announcing the happy couple,” she surmised.
“Do you want to be there for this?”
She didn’t even take a second to consider it. “It’s their engagement
announcement, not a wedding reception.”
“Making a mental note not to steal you away to fool around at the
wedding.”
Here, she paused, thinking. “Well, I didn’t say that.”
“That’s my Tess,” I said with a laugh, resuming our trek. She was such a
dirty girl, in all the right ways. Always ready to role-play and experiment
and lean into the kink. It had been a year since I’d first gotten into her
panties, and I already knew I’d never not want to get into her panties.
Not that all there was between us was sex. I’d always been attracted to
her ideas. One of my favorite things to do was listen to her talk about the
things she was passionate about, and there were so many, especially now
that she had a significant role at Conscience Connect.
But it wasn’t just the big issues that drew out her fervor. Since she’d
moved in with me six months before, after Teyana officially moved in with
Kendra, I’d discovered just how much of the world excited Tess, and it was
basically all of it. From Netflix shows to snowfalls to brands of toothpaste,
my woman loved life.
And I loved her. A little more with every breath I took.
“I can’t believe we get to spend our one-year anniversary in the same
place we met,” she said as we approached the first big silo. “Or almost one
year.”
The official day was tomorrow. Close enough, as far as I was
concerned. “I know. That’s why I convinced Brett to have the party here.”
“You convinced Brett,” she said, rightly suspicious.
“Totally.” More accurately, he’d said the rooftop bar was their first
choice for the engagement announcement, and I’d enthusiastically
supported it.
If he hadn’t, I would have dragged her out here on the official day, but
there was something magical about being here tonight with the party in the
background. Somewhat romantic too, in a perverted sort of way,
considering Brett’s intended bride.
Only Tess would appreciate that fact. Brett, if he knew, probably not so
much.
We rounded the silo, and Tess let go of my hand, rushing ahead to the
wall that framed the smokestack. “Right here,” she said, bracing her back
against the brick. “You were right here when I first saw you.”
“Really? And what was I doing?” I didn’t need to be reminded, but it
was fun to let her remind me.
She smirked. “I’m not going to say it. You know.”
I stalked toward her. “Do I?”
“You do. And you were such an asshole to Eden while you were doing
it, might I add. I remember thinking, if he was so willing to do that—”
“Do what?” I insisted, wanting to hear the words from her dirty little
mouth.
“Finger-fuck her, okay? If you were willing to finger-fuck a girl you
obviously weren’t into, giving her what seemed like a pretty decent orgasm,
from my vantage point—”
“Only one? You must have shown up later than I realized.”
She leveled a stare at me. “I remember wondering if you treated a girl
you didn’t like that well, how well would you treat a girl you loved?”
“Hmm. Interesting question.” With one hand braced on the wall behind
her, partially caging her in, I traced her lips with my finger, then stuck it in
the whole way when they parted, silently urging her to get it wet. Teasing
her, I drew a jagged trail down her neck with that wet finger, stopping at the
neck of her dress where the top of her breasts taunted me. “Why don’t I
show you?”
“Show me what?” Her eyes were already glossy with desire.
“Show you how well I’d treat a girl I loved.”
“Mmhmm.” She nodded encouragingly. “Yeah, you should totally do
that.”
I couldn’t have set the stage better than if I’d planned it.
I slunk down her body, nipping at a nipple on my way, until I was down
on my knees, eye-level with her pretty pussy—hidden behind her gold skirt,
but familiar enough that I could picture it perfectly without having to see it.
She spread her legs apart, inviting me in, and unable to help myself, I
gathered her dress up at her waist and placed a naughty kiss on the pantyclad V between her thighs. She moaned, and God it was torture to pull away
with my dick as hard as it was, but when she closed her eyes, I released her,
propped up one foot, and dug into my jacket pocket so that when she
opened them again to find out why I’d stopped, what she’d see was me.
On my knee.
Holding out a ring.
“Uh, what?” The daze of lust morphed into a daze of surprise.
“The way I’d treat a girl I loved would be to cherish her, protect her,
support her, laugh with her, cry with her, fuck her—a lot of fucking her—
make babies with her, keep her forever. Choose her forever. Terese Turani, I
love you. Will you choose me again? Forever this time?”
It usually destroyed me to see her anywhere near tears. Generally, the
minute her eyes got watery, I was on my knees ready to do anything and
everything to make her better.
This time I was already on my knees, and her tears killed me in a
different way. Like my emotions were too big for my body and there was no
way I could fit how much I loved her inside of me. Like I’d need a lifetime
to figure out how to carry that much love.
Hopefully, she’d give it to me.
I wasn’t sure based on her response. Besides the tears, she had yet to say
yes. “I can’t believe you’re doing this,” she whimpered, which didn’t seem
promising. “I didn’t put on waterproof mascara. This is really not fair.”
“Okay, but baby? I’m on my knee here.” Taking her hand, I slid the ring
on her finger, a dazzling blue diamond solitaire—not too large or “gaudy”
per Teyana’s orders—in a platinum pavé setting. It looked fucking gorgeous
on her, and now that I’d slipped it on, there was no way I was ever letting
her take it off.
Her tears spilled onto her cheeks. “Your parents are going to freak out.”
They would, but I rarely interacted with them anymore. I had enough
family without them—my siblings, my cousins, Grandpa Irving. Tess.
“Freaking them out is an added benefit.” I brought her hand to my lips
and placed a kiss on her knuckles. “Your mother, on the other hand, will be
thrilled.”
“She’ll be thrilled when she has a grandbaby. No sooner.”
“Does this mean you’re saying yes?” She was killing me, and not just
because the ground was hard on my kneecap.
“Yes, you silly man. I will marry you. I will choose you forever. I’ve
already chosen you forever. Nothing would make me happier than making it
official.”
“Nothing makes me happier than you.”
I was half a second from jumping up to kiss the shit out of her, but
before I could, she sat on my knee, wrapped her arms around my neck, and
kissed the shit out of me instead.
And I could see our whole future together in that kiss—a lifetime of
best moments and surprises and sacrifices and blessings. A lifetime with the
woman who made me want to be a better person. A lifetime with the
woman who made me a better man.
I could keep kissing her like this for a lifetime.
Apparently, she had other thoughts in mind. “Does this mean you aren’t
going to lick my pussy? Because I was led to believe that you were, and
while a ring is nice and all…”
“I’ll consider it. Can we pretend we’re being watched while I do it?”
“By a hot woman trying to find service for her phone?”
“A smoking hot woman, definitely.”
“You better make me mewl like a kitten so she’ll have a reason to come
looking for us.”
“Oh, I can make you mewl all right.”
“So that’s a yes?” She stood up in anticipation of my answer, gathering
her skirt up herself and bracing her back against the fireplace like she had
before.
God, yes. Forever yes.
But I answered with my mouth, not with words, devouring her pretty
pussy, licking her while she trembled, torturing her until she cried out her
release loud enough for our fictional onlooker, showing her exactly the way
this man treats the woman he loves.
Want to know more about Brett and his bride? Find out in the next
book in the Sebastian World: Man for Me
Brett Sebastian is the very best kind of friend.
Who else would get me a job at one of the biggest corporations in America?
And hook me up with his uber-rich cousin to boot?
And let me cry on his shoulder every time said cousin blows me off?
Okay, it’s pretty obvious that Brett cares about me in a different way than I
do for him, but he seems fine with how things are, and our friendship
works.
Until one fateful night when I'm mooning over his cousin, and Brett utters
four words that should make me happy for him, should make me relieved,
should balance out our uneven relationship:
"I met a girl."
Suddenly my world is crashing down around me, and I’m forced to ask
myself—am I only interested in Brett now that he’s taken?
Or have I been looking at the wrong man all along?
Get Man for Me here.
AUTHOR’S NOTE AND
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
In early 2019, my friend Lauren Blakely and I were chatting about our
favorite romantic comedies of the past, and I shared with her that I’d love to
one day do a retelling of Working Girl because that movie was fun and
inspiring and Harrison Ford (yum). As all good friends do, she encouraged
me, and despite having other things I was supposed to be thinking about, I
spent the next couple of days imagining my version and daydreaming it in
my spare time.
But even after I had images chosen for the covers and titles picked out, I
insisted I didn’t have the time. I was just starting the Slay quartet and after
those four there were another five books lined up to be written after, and
since I’m not a relatively speedy writer, that was a good three years’ worth
of releases. I really didn’t have the time in my schedule.
Then Lauren reminded me that I worked for myself, and therefore I was
the one who made my schedule.
I wasn’t won over by that reminder right away (but my fans are waiting
for Cade! but I have that other series I want to start! but, but, but, but, but),
but after I finished the brutal writing of Slay and Australia was on fire and a
world pandemic hit and so many people were sick and dying, I needed to
put Man in Charge in my lineup. Because I needed to not write another
brutal story right now. I needed to write something fun and light and happy.
Not that, as my editor Erica Russikoff says, a duet about social status, a
debilitating disease, and ethnic prejudice can accurately be called “light.”
Perhaps a better word is easier. Easier because the basic story already
existed and a lot of the elements that I added didn’t have to be researched or
thought up because they were elements from my own life. I am half Iranian.
I am estranged from my father. I have a master’s degree from a university
that cost thousands in student loans, and while I and many of my peers
thought a fancy degree could write us our own ticket, we soon discovered
that life isn’t that easy. Not when you are the wrong gender and have the
wrong skin color and don’t know the right people. It’s depressing how
many well-educated people can only find work at places like McDonald’s. I
once worked at a movie theater where the lead guy on the cleaning crew
had a medical degree from India. The struggle is real.
As for the debilitating disease, I also have personal experience there.
My oldest daughter (a girl with a genius IQ and an ambitious passion for
learning) has POTS, and saying that her illness has changed our lives and
the potential for her own life is an understatement. Like Tess, I have felt all
the complicated feelings that come with having a disabled person in my life.
Of course, the worst part is seeing a loved one suffer, but there are other
more selfish bad parts. It’s frustrating when our plans have to change
because my daughter is feeling POTSie. It’s hard not to be resentful
sometimes. It’s hard not to get lost in pitying myself (and her). It’s hard not
to feel like I have to make up for those shallow feelings by, you know,
writing her illness into my book and making people more aware, even
though that changes nothing in our home life.
As I said before, the struggle is real.
None of these things I’ve mentioned here are parts of my life that have
been easy, but as I do now and always have used my writing as therapy, it
was easy to put these things into my story. It was easy to decide not to care
if these scraps of my history made for good entertainment. It was easy to
choose to write this duet for me rather than an audience.
Which doesn’t mean that I don’t hope that you enjoyed it because I very
much do.
It also doesn’t mean that I didn’t enjoy writing it because I very much
did. I especially liked being able to address issues in the original source
material that are bothersome and dated such as the notion that just being a
man was all it took to pave a way to the top (there’s even a hierarchy within
the patriarchy). Another bothersome piece of Working Girl is the portrayal
of the secondary headstrong female character as a villain. Really? Do we
have to make every successful woman a bitch? I didn’t think we had to, and
after working in an industry with many, many successful, headstrong
women, who are also compassionate and supportive and givers of time and
money and energy, I wanted to make sure Kendra didn’t come off as a onedimensional bad guy (gal). I hope those layers are apparent.
And I hope this not-light, spattered-with-bits-of-my-biography retelling
gave you something you were looking for when you picked up book one,
even if it was just a few hours of swooning. I hope that you’ll forgive me
for having to wait the extra months for Cade’s story (the final Dirty
Universe trilogy). I hope that you set this finished book down with a smile
on your face because you were able to forget for a few hours about the
world and the struggle and the fires and the not-so-fair parts of your own
life.
As personally therapeutic as this duet was, there are still many people who I
owe thanks for its existence, and I’d like to acknowledge those people now:
To Lauren Blakely (of course) for insisting.
To Melissa Gaston, Candi Kane, Roxie Madar, and Kayti McGee for
being my support system and my orphanage and all the All that you are to
me.
To Liz Berry, Rebecca Friedman, Christine Reiss, and Jana Aston and
all the Shop Talkers for being successful, headstrong women that I admire.
To Amy Vox Libris for smoothing out the rough edges. To Erica
Russikoff and Kim Ruiz and Michele Ficht for making the state of my
words less embarrassing. To Alyssa Garcia for making the words look
pretty in written form.
To the LARCs, who I don’t thank personally enough (mia culpa, mia
culpa).
To The Sky Launchers and all my readers who continue to support the
things I write, as unbelievable as that always will be to me.
To my household of crazy (amazing, brilliant, funny, smart) women and
my sweet, loving dear husband for holding his own in our midst.
To Open Cathedral for being a community away from my community.
To my God—and yes, I will always mention Him here—the
acknowledgments is my space, so if you are anti-religious and don’t want to
hear it, don’t come here <3—for giving me the hardships and the struggles,
knowing that kindle is necessary to start a fire.
THE DIRTY UNIVERSE CONTINUES…
The epic final trilogy in the Dirty Universe is coming soon!
Are you ready for Wild Rebel?
We were supposed to run away after high school.
When she didn’t show up at our meeting place, I gathered my courage and
went after her.
It was a mistake.
I left bloodied and bruised.
My heart didn’t fair half as well.
I had no choice but to walk away.
Years passed. A decade. More.
I traveled, settled halfway around the world, made myself a name and
enough money that I didn’t have to look back.
But I never got over her.
And when my memories got the best of me, I went looking. Put all my
effort behind the search.
Even the best of the best private eyes couldn’t find the woman I’d deeply
loved.
Then, out of the blue, she calls.
And, what she asks for, the favor that she wants?
I never thought I'd be willing to take a life.
But the truth is, and always has been: I'd do anything for her.
Don’t miss Wild Rebel!
And don’t miss my other dirty men:
Dirty Duet - Donovan Kincaid
Dirty Filthy Rich Boys - Read for FREE
Dirty Filthy Rich Men
Dirty Filthy Rich Love
Dirty Games Duet - Weston King
Dirty Sexy Bastard - a free prequel to the Dirty Games Duet
Dirty Sexy Player
Dirty Sexy Games
Dirty Filthy Fix - Nate Sinclair
Dirty Sweet Duet - Dylan Locke
Sweet Liar
Sweet Fate
ALSO BY LAURELIN PAIGE
Visit my website for a more detailed reading order.
Man in Charge Duet
Man in Charge
Man in Love
Man for Me
The Dirty Universe
Dirty Filthy Rich Boys - READ FREE
Dirty Duet (Donovan Kincaid): Dirty Filthy Rich Men | Dirty Filthy Rich Love
Dirty Games Duet (Weston King): Dirty Sexy Player | Dirty Sexy Games
Dirty Sweet Duet (Dylan Locke): Sweet Liar | Sweet Fate
(Nate Sinclair) Dirty Filthy Fix (a spinoff novella)
Dirty Wild Trilogy (Cade Warren): Wild Rebel | Wild War | Wild Heart
The Fixed Universe
Fixed Series (Hudson and Alayna): Fixed on You | Found in You | Forever with You | Hudson |
Fixed Forever
Found Duet (Gwen and JC): Free Me | Find Me
(Chandler and Genevieve) Chandler (a spinoff novel)
(Norma and Boyd) Falling Under You (a spinoff novella)
(Nate and Trish) Dirty Filthy Fix (a spinoff novella)
Slay Series (Celia and Edward): Rivalry | Ruin | Revenge | Rising
(Gwen and JC) The Open Door (a spinoff novella)
(Camilla and Hendrix) Slash (a Slay spinoff novella)
First and Last
First Touch | Last Kiss
Hollywood Standalones
One More Time
Close
Sex Symbol
Star Struck
Written with Sierra Simone
Porn Star | Hot Cop
Written with Kayti McGee under the name Laurelin McGee
Miss Match | Love Struck | MisTaken | Holiday for Hire
LET’S STAY IN TOUCH!
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ABOUT LAURELIN PAIGE
With millions of books sold, Laurelin Paige is the NY Times, Wall Street Journal, and USA Today
Bestselling Author of the Fixed Trilogy. She's a sucker for a good romance and gets giddy anytime
there's kissing, much to the embarrassment of her three daughters. Her husband doesn't seem to
complain, however. When she isn't reading or writing sexy stories, she's probably singing, watching
shows like Killing Eve, Letterkenny and Discovery of Witches, or dreaming of Michael Fassbender.
She's also a proud member of Mensa International though she doesn't do anything with the
organization except use it as material for her bio.
www.laurelinpaige.com
laurelinpaigeauthor@gmail.com