Lazy Parenting
‘Lazy parenting’ is about intentionally providing your child with opportunities to develop a sense of
self-efficacy, which in turn bolsters confidence, independence & responsibility. It's the antidote to
helicopter or snowplough parenting.
It's about mindfully stepping back to allow your child to struggle on their own for a minute rather
than rushing in & rescuing. When parents step in prematurely when they deem a task too difficult
children do not get the chance to learn what they’re capable of. It’s important that children have the
time & space to work through challenges, deal with frustration & figure out solutions.
I recently spoke to a woman who realised that her 14 year old daughter had never been required to
do the dishes. She admitted to herself, horrified, that in 4 short years this child would be an adult...
an adult who didn’t know how to do the dishes. If we anticipate & take care of their child's every
challenge or need, our children lose out on the chance to develop basic life skills.
Sometimes all this style of parenting involves is to be an ‘engaged supervisor’, making sure no one
gets hurt & nothing catches fire.
Lazy parenting should be differentiated from ‘uninvolved parenting’ where the parents have no
interest in the activities of the child. Uninvolved parents neither provide any warmth nor execute any
control on what the child does. In contrast, lazy parents are actively watching the baby doing things,
they are making sure that the child is not harming himself or others and is safe. They are just
allowing the baby to experiment and learn on their own.
WAYS YOU CAN BE A LAZIER PARENT
1️⃣ Create a YES space
Create a space in your home that allows them to freely explore anything & everything in it. It can be
an entire room or an area of a room that you are able to contain. Fill it with age-appropriate items
that do not require close supervision for safety. Then, step back.
Depending on your child's personality/age, you may need to be physically present, but the point is
that you do not direct or constrain the play.
2️⃣ Comfort with consequences
Giving your child responsibility involves accepting that there will be times that they do not do what
they need to do. Within reason, children should learn the natural consequences of their decisions.
3️⃣ Let kids be kids
Life is learning. Learning to deal with challenges, learning to experience pain, learning to handle
disappointment. It might break our hearts or mean we have to fight everything in us to not jump in &
‘fix’ our child’s difficulties. After all, this is how they become strong, capable & competent adults.
What Is Snowplow Parenting?
What Is Snowplow Parenting?
Snowplow parenting, also called lawnmower parenting or bulldozer parenting, is a parenting style
that seeks to remove all obstacles from a child’s path so they don’t experience pain, failure, or
discomfort. However, these experiences are crucial for healthy childhood development and help
children learn important life skills.
What Are Over-involved Parenting Styles?
Snowplow parents attempt to remove as many challenges and obstacles from a child’s life as possible
in the hopes of guaranteeing success and minimizing frustrations and failures.
This parenting style is often confused with helicopter parenting, which involves hovering over a child
to rescue them swiftly once a problem occurs instead of trying to clear the obstacles all together.
Both types of parents are over-involved with their kids, and while over-involved parents want the
best for their children, too much involvement can have negative repercussions.
Because you want your child to be successful and happy, letting them fail and experience
disappointment can be a real challenge. But failure is important. And when a child isn’t allowed to
experience disappointment and failure, they aren’t able to develop the necessary skills to live their
own life. They need to learn how to pick themselves up after failure and find another way to succeed.
Spotting a Snowplow Parent
Snowplow parenting will look different for each child. It typically starts off small and seemingly
inconsequential, but normalizing the habit will set them up for harsh failure later.
Over-involved in school. Some typical snowplow parent behaviors include: “helping” a child with a
project or assignment by doing most or all of it; attempting to intervene if their child gets a bad
grade; or being in constant contact with their child’s teacher.
Over-involved in college. While checking in on your college-aged child, especially if they exhibit any
troubling behavioral patterns, is normal, snowplow parents might take things too far. Some examples
of over-involved behavior of snowplow parents include: texting their child to make sure they get up
for class; scheduling doctor’s appointments or oil changes; or emailing professors or school
administrators on behalf of their child.
Results of Snowplow Parenting
Snowplow parenting stunts skill development. By not letting their child deal with challenging
situations, snowplow parents inhibit them from developing necessary skills such as stress
management, coping with failure, and decision-making.
Snowplow parenting teaches your child that they are not capable. They learn that they can’t make
life decisions without you leading the way. This routine gets worse the more it’s repeated, eventually
causing your child to lack the competence to make their own decisions about their life and manage
their own emotions.
Your child gets used to having their way. Since their success comes naturally without many hurdles to
cross, the child of a snowplow parent will have underdeveloped coping skills. As a result, they’ll likely
struggle socially and in school when things don’t go their way.
How to Avoid Being a Snowplow Parent
Lead by example. Show them how to positively respond to stress and communicate how you cope
with frustration and failure. Your child will learn from you and mimic your actions.
Let consequences happen. Most of your child’s actions will have consequences. By letting the
consequences happen, they will quickly learn how to be resilient and solve problems on their own.
Listen to wishes. If you always choose what’s best for your child, you never get the chance to hear
what they want. Spend time listening to their desires and goals. They will fail while pursuing their
goals, but they will learn from failing.
Praise effort, not success. Rather than teaching them that only their success matters, emphasizing
the journey will help give them a perspective on their journey. They will learn to be uneasy and to be
outside of their comfort zone.
Don’t fix their problems. Diving in to fix your child’s problems when they arise prevents them from
developing their instincts and problem-solving skills. However, don’t throw them off the deep end.
Walk them through how to solve their problems and make decisions about their stress.