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Need newspaper and professional organization.
10 approved sites (50 mistakes)
22 mistakes u made 50 times.
Step seven for references
Ask carter (can’t use Morris or Thompson)
Google Walmart and virtual reality training
Look on Walmart website.
May have to switch case study.
FIRST PARAGRAPH for case study
o Don’t use they for company.
o Flow thru w the quotes
o Need page number after citation
o Look at sample page
o Take out “all extra” should only be about the company
o No VR info
o Look at likened for company info for first paragraph
RATIONAL PARAGRAPH
o Need specific about the implantation
o Use numerical sign post.
o Needs to be past tense
o Need to re write all the paragraph.
Introduction
o Too much passive voice
o Need a more specific problem
o No retation in traditional training
o 1st stats
o 2nd causes Lack of training retention (numerical signpost
o 3rd negative implantation
o 4th multiply definitions about VR training. (passive) (DIF CONTENT)
o 5th (THAT)
My page
o Alphabetical order for data sources
o 1st sentences
o Need to not use virtual reality
o Needs to be all active
o Need training after VR
o Cut after comma
o Need more sites
o Need to change the 1st sentence for second paragraph
o Need the features for second paragraph.
o Use sources u don’t plan to use to find a good source.
o CUT ALL THE PARAGRAPH
PAGE 5
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Page 6
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Page 7
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Virtual reality for training
No page #
Need more sources.
How its growing
Need more sources.
No AR just VR
Take out the table.
No need to capitalize VRT.
Too much passive
THIS, THESE, THERES
Need concrete info.
A lot of broad statements
Improves employee retation (FISRT BENEFIT)
Take out a lot
Can’t have straight quotes
More transitions words
Communication skills, retation, performance
No costumer in BENEFITS
Increases orgizantional costs
How much does the VR equitemnt cost (base cost) (can be in a range)
Creates side effects
 What kind
 Example
 How many people have side effects
 Less filler sentences
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