The 7 Pickup Artist Secrets
STYLELIFE
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DISCLAIMER
The information in this book is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Neither Stylelife, nor the
authors, nor the publishers of this book takes any responsibility for the use are misuse of the information it
presents. You assume full responsibility for the consequences of your own actions.
The reader is warned that the material, models, methods and strategies in this book are very powerful
technology, to be used at the readers own risk. Be warned, therefore, that this book neither asserts the
legality of any of the methods it describes, and the authors unequivocally disclaim any responsibility for
damages resulting from the use of any technique or the consequences of implementing any contained
herein. It is only to be used in a conscientious, ethical, mutually beneficial way, and only with the fully
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NEIL STRAUSS' STYLELIFE ACADEMY
is the online academy for attraction coaching and motivation that helps students
to realize love’s and life's full potential by offering personalized education, advice and training programs.
Copyright ©, Stylelife Academy. All rights reserved.
http://www.stylelife.com/
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The 7 Pickup Artist Secrets
INTRODUCTION TO
THE 7 PICKUP ARTIST
SECRETS
Most men make the self-defeating mistake of thinking, “Either you’ve
got it, or you don’t.” Inevitably, they then lump themselves in to the
category that doesn’t have “it” and accept a life of loneliness and
frustration.
In contrast, pickup artists know that social skills are like any skill: They
can be broken down into specific steps and learned. Success with
women isn’t the result of some mystical gift from fate. Instead, it comes
from intentional practice using proven, tested, and effective
techniques. And don’t just take our word for it.
Researchers at the University of Oxford published work in the peerreviewed journal Evolutionary Psychology that stated lessons among
the 7 Pickup Artist Secrets taught by Stylelife are “grounded in solid
empirical findings from social, physiological and evolutionary
psychology.” In fact, these techniques were found to not only be
relevant to short-term, rapid success with women but that they
contributed to “establishing meaningful long-term relationships.”
So what separates you from being a man other people envy? What
separates you from being lonely and having a lot of women on your
arm? What separates you from being frustrated and having a long-term
relationship with the woman of your dreams?
Don’t blame fate when you answer that question. Don’t blame genetics
for your looks, don’t blame your bank account, don’t blame your car,
your parents, or your job.
The real thing that separates you from the pickup artist is simply
knowing the steps. The steps that can be learned and incorporated in
your life today, right this moment, that will put you on a path towards
the social life of your dreams.
You have already taken the first step by getting your hands on this ebook. You’ve already differentiated yourself from all the other men who
just throw up their arms in frustration because they don’t have “it.” You
are already different. You want to learn and you can learn. And you
can change.
Now, read on to learn the 7 Pickup Artist Secrets.
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The 7 Pickup Artist Secrets
SECRET # 1 ON APPROACH ANXIETY
Many guys share one BIG sticking point: The fear of approaching
women and starting a conversation. And because have put this little ebook together.
What is approach anxiety?
It's a fear that's deeply ingrained in the psychology of men,
a fear of talking to women. Even some of the most confident
men choke up and lose their mojo when it comes time to step
up and start talking to that "perfect 10" out at the bar.
But why? What underpins the psychology of this kind of fear?
Understanding the root of your fears will put you on solid
footing when it comes to conquering them. Read on and find
out what dragons you need to slay.
1. Evolutionary Reasons
It might sound a little silly, but there's a deeply rooted
evolutionary reason that you have trouble approaching beautiful
women. For most of human history, only the most elite men
have been able to have women in their lives and they generally
had more than one. Approaching a beautiful woman in the wild
meant that you might run the risk of having your head beaten
in by a caveman with a club.
Ouch.
Fortunately, we live in a more civilized time, so the number
of caveman club beatings has significantly diminished. It's
very rare that men go out, start talking to a woman and have
her hulking boyfriend appear and beat his head in with his
big stick. In fact, more common is that your game is so solid
that she ends up taking off with you.
Don't allow primordial fears to dictate whether or not you
approach women in public. Live in the now. If you see a woman
that you're interested in, go ahead and start talking to her
right away, without fear or reservations.
2. Psychological Reasons
At one point or another we've all been rejected and we learned
something from it: Namely that it totally sucks and there are
few things that feel worse. This fear of rejection can make
men gun shy about approaching women in the wild, especially
if they have a track record of painful snubs.
However, what good is all the game theory and social dynamics
training in the world if it doesn't make you better at what
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The 7 Pickup Artist Secrets
you're doing? Approach anxiety is real, but it can be overcome.
The better part of overcoming it is just doing it over and
over and over again until it's not so scary anymore. Then
you'll start remembering all the times you hit home runs more
than the times that you strike out.
What's more, even the times that you strike out will lead to
valuable insights and wisdom about how to and how not to
approach. This is the proper way to approach "striking out":
Not as a failure, but as a victory; as knowledge gained that
will make your next approach even stronger. The more times
you step up to the plate, the more swings that you can take,
the more successes you have under your belt and the more
setbacks you have to study and learn from.
This is how you start really leveling up your game: By getting
out there and doing it.
3. Social Reasons
When you're in a social setting, it can often be very stressful.
You're around a bunch of strangers and everyone is looking
for someone else to give them permission to have fun. One of
the things that this means is that you can put people on even
more edge by talking to them.
This has probably happened to you at least once: You approach
a woman, start talking to her and... it's unbelievably awkward.
It's happened to all of us. In fact, learning how to approach
women the right way is one of the main reasons that guys come
to us to study game.
The difference between the reactions you're going to get from
the "right" way and the "wrong" way are more different than
even the proverbial night and day. When you approach her the
right way, you're not adding tension to the equation. On the
contrary, you're going to defuse the inherent tensions of
socializing, allowing her to relax and start enjoying herself.
What's more, she's going to -- on either a conscious or an
unconscious level -- remember you as the man who made her
night take off.
A man who knows how to approach a woman the right way is the
exact opposite of a social burden. Once you learn how to
approach the right way, you're going to quickly learn that
for yourself, first hand.
These are the three broad fears that are likely holding you
back when it comes to women. Smash these obstacles and start
living the nightlife that you've always wanted, the one that
you deserve.
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1. Tip: You are too hard on yourself!
Don't set your expectations so high for yourself. If you're
just starting out in this game then you need to keep your
expectations in check. Don't expect to be pulling your
perfect girl on your first night out. That would be like
playing a Eddie Van Halen solo on your first attempt at
playing the guitar. You have to start small. You need to
celebrate the small successes, by setting small reachable
goals each night you go out. Here are a few goals for
beginners:
•
•
•
•
•
Open 3 sets per hour.
Stick around two extra minutes after the moment where you
feel like you have nothing else to say.
Use a disqualifier in every set.
Run a DHV routine.
Tell an identity story.
2. Tip: Practice More!
I've met way too many students who try out material only a
few times and if they don't see results they say, "The
material doesn't work," or "the material isn't for me." The
truth is no material is for you if you're not going to practice.
You will not be proficient with material after only a few
attempts - it takes hundreds or even thousands of attempts to
really get material down. You need to keep practicing. The
suggested minimum for practice is once a week three hours a
night, three sets an hour - sober.
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The 7 Pickup Artist Secrets
SECRET # 2 THE BIGGEST MISTAKES
When it comes to approaching women it's not just about what
you should do. It's equally about what you should not do.
The biggest mistakes men make when approaching women can be
real attraction killers, but they don't have to be. The good
news about the big mistakes you're probably making when it
comes to approaching women is that they're easy to correct.
Once you remove these obstacles, you'll notice a big
difference in your batting average when it comes to the
approach.
Mistake #1: Waiting Too Long
You've seen it before: The guy lurking around the edges of a
group of girls, waiting for his moment to make an entrance.
Of course, the entrance never seems to materialize and all
he's doing hanging around the periphery is looking more and
more like a creeper.
This might not describe you, but you might be making just
the same mistake as this guy.
Women are very perceptive creatures. They might not notice
the same things as men, but they probably notice a lot more.
Case in point: you. A lot of guys wonder if women even notice
them at all. The good news is that they almost certainly do.
The bad news is that this can work against you.
Remember, an interaction begins even before it starts. If you
spend a lot of time lurking around waiting for the right
moment to approach her, the chances of your approach being
successful will plummet.
How to Correct It: Put simply, approach her immediately. The
instant that you notice her, take a second, gird yourself for
your approach and walk right up to her. Approaching from the
side is best, as it's the least intimidating way that you can
approach.
Mistake #2: Not Projecting Confidence
It's not enough to feel confident. You have to project
confidence at all times when you're out and about. You can do
this with a big smile and good posture. However, when you
approach, you need to be confident up close and personal,
which is much more nuanced.
Confidence needs to be projected from the second that she sees
you, not the other way around. This is why you need to maintain
a confident posture and appearance from the second that you
enter the club. Part of this is a good smile and good posture,
but it also means regularly socializing with people around
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you and (hopefully) arriving with some of your best bros in
tow.
How to Correct It: A big smile and good posture are great
ways to project confidence. When you get up close, you need
to maintain this, as well as project your voice, maintain
good eye contact and keep your head up. Stand at her side
and don't be afraid to walk away for a bit if you need to
use the men's room, grab a drink or even just work the room
a little. Nothing says "confidence" quite like being unafraid
to walk away. When she sees you talking to other women, her
interest is going to accelerate.
Mistake #3: Not Touching Her
One of the best things that you can do to instantly create a
connection with a woman is touch her. You want to do this in
socially appropriate places like her hands, upper back and
arms. But touching her creates an intimacy that conversation
doesn't always do. What's more, after you touch her, you've
broken the touch barrier: Don't be surprised if she starts
touching you back much more aggressively than you touched her.
Touching her doesn't just increase intimacy, it also shows
that you're a bold and confident man. You set yourself away
from the rest of the pack -- the type of guys who take a
step back if her arm touches theirs -- when you go ahead and
give her a light touch.
How to Correct It: You don't want to go in, guns blazing,
hands all over her, obviously. So how do you touch in her a
way that she's going to respond to?
After you've broken the ice and got her laughing and smiling,
find a way to touch her in a playful and lighthearted way in
one of the "safe" areas that we've named above. This
capitalizes upon what you've already been doing -- flirting
with her and getting her to relax.
Don't worry: No woman is going to think you're creepy for
playfully tapping her on the shoulder.
The three biggest mistakes you're probably making when it
comes to meeting women are also some of the easiest to correct.
Try changing up your game based on the suggestions above
and see where it takes you tonight.
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SECRET # 3 THE BEST OPENERS TO
START A CONVERSATION
ANYWHERE, ANYTIME
If you want to talk to that heart stopping women on the other
side of the room, you're going to need an opener. But what
are the best openers to start a conversation? The short
answer: There isn't a single best opener. We can't just give
you a list of openers that are going to work every time. What
we can do, however, is provide you with a guide for how to
open your conversations with women in a number of different
social settings. Whether you find yourself at the bar, the
club or the book store, there's an opener that will get your
foot in the door.
There are two keys to making openers work anywhere.
The first key is to understand the goal of an opener: to make
the group or person you're opening feel comfortable with you
as you start a conversation.
The second is the root: the root of an opener is the reason
that you're saying whatever you're saying to the person you're
trying to open. The root has to be believable. It has to make
sense why you're talking to this specific group or person.
Giving a person a believable root will help make them
comfortable.
1. Bars and Clubs
Bars and clubs are where a lot of men go to meet women. These
are the places where openers are most accepted: People just
get that you're going to be talking to women here. After all,
they are settings designed for socializing, so get out there
and socialize.
What Is The Best Type of Opener: We suggest a quick opinion
opener like the "drunk-I-love-you opener" or "Is kissing
cheating." Attention spans are short and you need to make
sure you're heard, also these two openers suit the environment
well.
2. Yoga Class
You've been going to yoga for months now, with your eye on
the honey in the Lulu Lemons at the front of the room.
What Is The Best Type of Opener: Be the exception is the
first rule of seduction. That means don't do what other guys
are doing. Don't mention that the class was hard, don't
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comment on their form. In fact, don't mention the class at
all. Start a conversation with the teacher when class is
over, inevitably other people from the class will be waiting
to talk to this person as well. Start a conversation with
the teacher by saying, "I really enjoyed the class. Have you
studied in India?" Once there is another person standing with
you use an opinion opener to involve the new person or people.
You really want to become familiar face in the class.
Your goal is to get to know at least one new person per class.
You have to be the guy who's there to learn yoga not to hit
on girls. Once you have people chatting you up after every
class it will be highly unlikely that anyone will feel
uncomfortable when you talk to them.
3. Coffee Shops
Coffee shops are a killer way to meet women who are smart and
interesting. It's not like a bar or a club, however, in that
people generally don't come here to socialize. While it's not
looked down upon, it can set some people on edge, so getting
the right approach is going to make all the difference.
What Is The Best Type of Opener: Use the cashmere sweater
opener. Your root is, "Hey, I need to ask you a quick fashion
question. I'm headed to my friends house. His sister's
birthday is tonight. She wants a cashmere sweater. I had him
check the sizes of her clothing. She has a mix of mediums
and smalls. My question is: if you were to receive a gift
would you rather have it be a little bit to big or a little
bit too small?"
4. On the Street
Sometimes you're just walking down the street and you see
a woman that you want to talk to. And why not? The true master
of the game can socialize with any woman, anywhere, any time.
What Is The Best Type of Opener: Body language is going to be
important for this approach. Walk in the same direction as
the person you're trying to open. Make sure you're walking
slightly ahead of them. It should feel like you're in more
of a hurry that they are. Open them over your shoulder with
an opinion opener. The cashmere sweater opener (see above)
will work fine. Keep moving and talking until you naturally
come to a stop at an intersection or if there is no natural
stopping place - once they begin to answer slow down to match
their pace while you talk. If they seem invested in the
conversation, begin to slow your pace until you come to a
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stop. Now the two of you should be standing and talking
together.
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SECRET # 4 DON'T LET YOUR MIND
STOP YOU
One of the most common things that we run into is men who know
everything they need to know about game... except for how to
put it into practice.
All the boxing knowledge in the world won't make you the
heavyweight champ. Similarly, simply knowing about game is not
the same as having game. Still, one of the biggest problems
is also one of the easiest ones to fix. When it comes to
meeting women, your biggest enemy is your own mind. You have
literally nothing to fear but fear itself. Here's how to
defeat your brain at its own game.
A Plan for Destroying Approach Anxiety
Approach anxiety is likely the thing standing in between your
knowledge of game and your application of it. That feeling in
the pit of your stomach when you want to walk up to a woman
is powerful. So powerful, in fact, that it keeps most men from
even approaching in the first place. What's more, it can leave
you tongue tied, defeating even the best, most effective
"on paper" routines in the world. So how do we break through
approach anxiety?
How do you get better at lifting weights? You just do it until
you learn to love the burn. Soon the weights that once
challenged you are children's playthings. So it works with
approach anxiety.
You have to be willing to push yourself into the field, with
no wing, and practice going out alone. It's part of getting
good.
I know the anxiety is totally wild; almost unbearable at times.
I've felt it myself. Going out in the field alone wracked my
nerves the first handful of times that I tried it. The anxiety
was so bad that I quit doing it for about a year. I regret that,
but the pressure was just too much.
Then I tried again, pushing myself harder than before and, at
last, I made it over a hump and the experience became
liberating.
I felt free.
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I could do anything I wanted just to see if it worked. There
was no one to judge me. It was my personal experiment.
It took a while to get used to going out alone but it's worth
it once you do.
The next time that you go out, make a reasonable, attainable
goal for how many women you're going to approach. Make sure
that, while it's attainable, the goal is something that helps
to stretch you a little bit. Going with our weight-lifting
analogy, you need to remember the old adage of "no pain, no
gain." This applies to your game as well as lifting weights.
Approaching the Right Way
Most men make a very simple mistake when it comes to
approaching: They wait too long. Don't stand around building
up your courage. Just get in there and do it. It's going to
be hard at first -- very hard. However, the only way to change
this is by doing it, and doing it again and then doing it
some more.
Remember: no pain, no gain.
You also need to remember that if you approach the most
beautiful women in the room and she shoots you down, you're
not having any less luck with her than you were before. What's
more, if you approach her at 11pm and get shot down, don't
be afraid to approach her again at 1am. Once she's seen what
else the bar or club has to offer, there's a good chance
she's going to be more interested in you.
If you need something to help gird yourself for the approach,
remember that the greatest baseball players of all time
generally only actually hit the ball about a third of the
time they step up to the plate. Everyone remembers that
Babe Ruth was once the home run champion. No one remembers
that he was also the most struck out man in baseball history.
This underscores the fact that you miss all the shots you
don't take and that it's far better to step up to the plate
than strike out than it is to sit in the dugout.
Here are 4 tips to make your time out alone easier:
Tip 1. Open a set as soon as you arrive at the venue. Make it an
easy one you're comfortable with. They don't have to be
super hot intimidating girls. It's better if they're not.
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They can be older, they can be guys, they can be people
you aren't physically attracted to. Work on bonding with
them and developing a friendship. Voila! You're no longer
out alone. You're with your new friends.
Tip 2. Have an identity story to root why you're out alone. Make
it shine you in a positive light and be excited if someone
asks about it. Example: When I go out with friends I find
that I spend the whole night just talking to them. I could
do that at my house or theirs. I prefer alone because it
forces me to meet new people and leads me to exciting new
adventures.
Tip 3. Try to stay in set as much of the night as possible. If
the bar isn't too busy, you can chat with the bartender
for a bit. If you need to drop back into your safety set
(see Tip 1), then hang with them for a while. Whenever
possible open a new set and when you hook, push yourself
to stay as long as you can.
Tip 4. Avoid retreating into your phone. It can be a distraction
and a way to hide from your practice. As an experiment,
try shutting the phone off until you need it in set for
number closing or a routine.
After all, how many times have you struck out in the majors?
Wear your temporary setbacks as badges of honor and you will
go far.
Approach her immediately and with all the confidence you can
muster on the spot. It's going to put you light years ahead
of the guys who skulk around waiting for their opening. Don't
wait for your opening, make your opening.
Nailing Your Approach
Remember that your opening line doesn't have to be a masterpiece
of social interaction. Rather, it just has to be something
that gets her attention, piques her interest and has her
wanting to talk to you more. Stop overthinking it. Unless
whatever you say is truly terrible, chances are good that the
two of you are going to be able to at least chat for a bit.
After that, feel free to excuse yourself and work the room a
little more. Not only will this take some of the pressure off
of your approach, it will also increase your overall value
by making you look like an unattached man who is the life of
the party -- the type of guy who knows everyone or at least,
isn't afraid to approach them.
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Will this get rid of your approach anxiety overnight? Probably
not, but it might. The more important point is that we can
guarantee you that if you apply these principles every time
that you make the town you're going to be a lot more confident
when you approach women in the future -- and it's going to be
a hell of a lot easier.
Now get out there and step up to the plate.
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The 7 Pickup Artist Secrets
SECRET # 5 ATTRACT WOMEN WITH
YOUR PERSONALITY
How do you attract a woman? Really attract a woman?
It's the question on every man's mind: How do you get her to
not just dig you, but find you absolutely irresistible? How
do you create a magnetic charm that she can't break away from?
Not only is it possible, it's something that you can learn
how to do. It's not a parlor trick. It's just simple techniques
that any man can master on his way to becoming the ladies'
man that lurks inside. Read on to find out how.
What Do Women Look For in a Man?
What is it that women are looking for in a man? Good looks?
They certainly help, but they're not what women are looking
for. A good job? Sure, women love men with a lot of passion
and drive, but they'll take a man who loves his low-paying
job over a man who hates his high-powered gig any day. A
cool car or other possessions? Again, they don't hurt, but at
the end of the day what do women really want in a man?
The Power of Personality
What women really want in a man is a good personality -- and
unlike men, they really mean it.
But what is it that makes a "good personality?" What does
that truly mean when you get down to it?
Sense of Humor: Women want a man who can make them laugh.
"Sense of humor" tops polls in women's magazines with good
reason. A sense of humor isn't just highly attractive in its
own right. It also helps women to relax, have fun and be
themselves, particularly in the crucial early stages of a
relationship.
Sense of Adventure: Are you providing women with opportunities
and escapades that aren't part of the mundane, same old
same old routine? Even if it's just an inventive date idea,
winning her over by bringing some adventure and spontaneity
into her life is a crucial part of having a good personality.
Sense of Empathy: When you listen to her do you listen? Really
listen? Good. But are you also showing her that you listen?
Are you linking what you say back to what she just said to
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you? Women want to be heard, but they also want you to show
them that you're listening. If you do this, you can make an
impression as the man who really "gets" her. Nothing is going
to win you more points in her book than that.
Sense of Confidence: A confident man is a man who doesn't
need anyone else to tell him that he's OK. He already knows
it. This is attractive to a woman from an evolutionary
perspective (historically speaking, confident men were better
providers and protectors) as well as an emotional perspective:
Men who lack confidence are often "awkward" or even "creepy"
to be around. Their constant quest for approval takes energy
out of the interaction and sets everyone else on edge.
Sense of Purpose: Again, it's not important that you be the
CEO of a Fortune 500 corporation, nor even necessarily be
on your way to becoming one. What matters is that you like
what you do and that you're moving toward doing something
that you love. This is what is meant by a sense of purpose
and it's the truest form of "success." After all, your vision
of where you want to be is not, nor should it be, someone
else's. You need to know where you want to go, how you're
going to get there and be on that path. That's all.
OK, So How Do I Attract Women With My Personality?
•
Attracting women with your personality is largely a quiet, restrained
demonstration of each of the above.
•
Getting her to laugh and smile is a great way to begin any
interaction.
•
You can create a sense of adventure on a date or even at the bar
or club -- for example, grabbing her by the hand and taking her
away from the crowd for a little bit of private time.
•
Work on expressing empathy throughout a conversation and you're
building a serious bedrock for attraction.
•
Confidence should color everything that you do, from the second
you enter the room until the second you rest your head at the end
of the night.
•
Your purpose and drive should come up naturally during a
conversation, without bragging or boasting, but rather talking about
your career as you would any of your other passions.
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It's really that simple: Just the process of tweaking little
things that you're probably already doing for maximum effect.
After you've been able to do all of these things, then you
can make your move, whatever that might look like for you.
Try these out tonight and see what kind of results you see.
Compare them to what you've been doing in the past.
We're fully certain that with just a little bit of adjustment,
your game will really take off.
Did you know? The BIGGEST Fake Excuses
When guys come to one of our bootcamps they are normally
prepared to make approaches. Because each night we'll
be giving them goals to meet women.
Every goal will involve an approach. They're tough, but
completely achievable. They're designed to push you,
make you think on your feet, and give you experience so that
you can move forward with the skill set.
We're there to help you as much as you need, but we can only
push you so far. In the end, you have to say the words that
start the conversation. You have to open the set.
For most students, approaching causes anxiety, but they
overcome it and make the approach.
Interestingly for a few it's much more difficult. Fake excuses
are made left and right. In the end, if you want to learn
this skill you have to make approaches and you absolutely
can do it.
We want to point out a few excuses that the real hard cases
give us when we're out in the field. Hopefully, we can shed
some light on them, because they're fake excuses that hold you
back from becoming better.
I'm worried I'll screw up: Oh, you will. For sure. It is an
absolute guarantee that at several points while practicing
this art form you will fail. The bright side is that it will
happen less and less over time. That's the point of practicing to get better at something you were less good at before you
started practicing.
Other people are watching: For a lot of hard cases, it's
not just fear of failure or rejection that's bothering them.
It's fear of failing in front of someone.
It's important to remember that no one is watching you.
People are way less aware than you think. Most people couldn't
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tell you anything about the stranger standing right next to
them if you asked them.
Plus, no one cares. They have their own reasons to be out,
none of which include watching you succeed or fail.
I do pretty well already: Well, you're finally going to be
put to the test and the harsh tank treads of reality are
going squeeze the life out of the Don Juan living in your
head. You're going to have to face the fact that you're only
as good as you really are.
But there is a light at the end of the tunnel; if you keep
practicing you will emerge with a truly seductive identity
that is true to yourself and your experience.
I'm just here for advanced material: That's great. Make your
approaches and we'll work on whatever part of seduction
you're actually ready for.
She's not my type: If you don't have it in you to approach
someone you're not attracted to, then do you really think
I believe that you're going to approach the supermodelesquegirl-of-your-dreams when she comes around? Doubtful.
Plus, we're learning how to be more effective social creatures
and that means getting used to talking to everyone. Don't count
anyone out until you've had a conversation with them. No one
is an obstacle until they're become one by actually getting
in your way. You never know who you're going to meet. Her
best friend might be the girl of your dreams, the guy in
the group might be your perfect wingman, her brother might
run the best nightclub in town - you never know.
The material feels unnatural: Yeah, I agree. But, aren't
we're trying to break patterns here? Trying to stand out,
be the exception. Well, the patterns you normally follow are
what feel natural and those natural patterns you love so
much are what's been holding you back. Learning anything
new feels unnatural. That's why you're learning it - because
it doesn't come naturally. Which means, what you're learning
will (naturally) feel unnatural.
Go out and practice, overcome your fear of rejection.
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The 7 Pickup Artist Secrets
SECRET # 6 HOW TO ATTRACT A WOMAN
WITHOUT HITTING ON HER
When you're out at a bar or club talking to a woman, you're
probably making one crucial mistake. It's the mistake that
almost all men make: You're hitting on her.
The problem is that you are trying to convince her that she
should be attracted to you. You need to reverse this frame so
that everything that you do and say screams "convince me" to
her.
How to avoid this mistake
Hitting on women is effectively a form of selling yourself,
trying to get her on board with an image of yourself that you
are trying to project.
The problem with this is that you're creating a frame where
she has all the power and your are supplicating to her.
Rather than this, we want to make it so that she is doing
everything that she can to get you attracted to her.
In short, we want you to go from the seller to the buyer. But
how do we do that?
Project Confidence At All Time
If the women's magazines are to be believed, ladies are
looking for a man who oozes confidence from every pore of his
body. There are a number of ways to project confidence, but
the main one that you want to focus on is not ever trying to
prove yourself to her. Instead, you want to have her doing
the proving.
We've all been in a situation where a woman wants you to
prove yourself. She might say you're too old, too short, or
"just not her type." Men typically respond one of two ways:
"No I'm not": This is where you try to argue with her about
it. This is bad because it shows a lack of confidence.
You're trying to prove yourself to her -- something that a
confident man would never do.
"Yes I am, but": When men take this track they basically
agree with her, but argue that it doesn't matter.
This is even worse, because not only are you selling
yourself, but you confirm her argument that you're not
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The 7 Pickup Artist Secrets
good enough.
So what do we do instead? The best thing to do is to ignore
and reframe while making her prove herself to you. The right
response to this type of comment is something along the lines
of "That's cute. I need to get you a little beanie with a
propeller" or "That's funny. Who brought their little sister
along?"
Comments like these show confidence and humor, two of the
biggest attraction triggers out there. They also flip the
frame so that she feels the need to prove herself to you
after you disqualify her, rather than the other way around.
Thus, through a quick bit of emotional jiu-jitsu, we've
turned a negative into a positive.
Never Try to Brag
If there's one thing that the confident man does, it's never
try to impress, which is the essence of "hitting on" a woman.
There are three main ways that men try to impress women to
cover up a lack of confidence:
Gifts: It can be as simple as buying her a drink at a bar
to keep her attention. The fact is, however, that women
tend to look down on men who do this. It also doesn't flip
any attraction switches, leaving you just where you started.
Career: You should definitely talk up your career if and
when it comes up. However, if you make your career a
"selling point" you're just looking like you're trying way
too hard.
Wealth: If there's one thing that turns women off, it's men
who brag about their wealth. It seems corny and in general
women don't like men who brag a lot.
You don't need to talk yourself up, because you are the
prize that she's after. Does top-shelf Scotch need to
convince people that it's the best? Absolutely not.
Anyone with good taste already knows it. You are that
top-shelf Scotch.
Getting into Action
Recently, we've given you tons of material to help you get
past approach anxiety. However, reading alone won't actually
get you into set. You must put the lessons into practice.
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Here' how to practice seduction:
1. Pick one day a week and mark it on a calendar. Make sure
that you can be out for at least three hours. Mark the
specific time you'll be going out. If you don't use a
calendar, then set an alarm on your phone for that specific
day you're going out.
2. Choose an opener to work with. You only need two openers
maximum. These are the openers you're going to be using
over and over again. We suggest the following openers:
Cashmere Sweater, Drunk I Love You, Jealous Girlfriend,
Two Part Kiss. They're tried and tested and adhere to the
four principles of an indirect opener.
3. Your goal for the night is to do three openers an hour for
three hours, using one of the two openers you've chosen.
4. Before you go out, read through some of the approach
anxiety material and find something you think might work
for you. There are lots of ways to reframe, breakdown, and
reduce approach anxiety. You're going to need to experiment
to figure out what works for you. That said, pick one method
and memorize it.
5. When the alarm goes off, make sure you get out of the house.
For the minimum three hours you're out sarging make sure you
do a maximum of three sets an hour.
6. After the night out write field report.
Here is a field report from Tom who SIMPLY challenged himself - as
part of the Stylelife Mini Challenge to do something that would normally
scare him to death.
Tom writes:
"Here is my Field report for the mini Stylelife Challenge sent
Oct 10 to Approach a female strange and have a conversation.
I had no idea how powerful this simple challenge could be.
I was driving to a bar that was having a special dance, so
parking was hard to find. I was behind an open air type Jeep.
I decided I would have a better chance to find parking if I
went the opposite way from the Jeep, but I couldn't find
parking that way, I went so ended up next to the Jeep with
the only space left. I was stunned when I got out of my car
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The 7 Pickup Artist Secrets
to find the people in the Jeep were two of the hottest girls
I had ever seen, and I was standing one foot away from the
prettiest one.
So I thought "say something, anything." So I told her how I
had decided not to follow them and yet here I was right next
to them. Then I noticed that the super pretty girl had on
tight jeans with holes in them, so I said "your jeans have
the holes just like your Jeep" (with its fold down top and
zip up windows). We talked a bit more, then I went off to
meet some friends.
That simple experience of talking to two really beautiful
women with nothing bad happening stayed with me all evening.
I talked well to my friends, and other people in the group
who I didn't know, and I mingled with many people throughout
the evening. The two girls in the Jeep were much younger than
me and out of my league, but I found a woman who more my age
and style, so I talked to her awhile and then mingled some
more. When I returned her friends and family were taking
pictures and so I posed with my arm around her, then I said
that I was going, and to my surprise this young really strong
looking guy grab me by the collar and said "don't give up yet,
she likes to play hard to get, don't give up yet." Well I
wasn't giving up. I was trying to play it cool, by looking
like I didn't need her. So I said that I would need a copy of
the picture and so she should text it to me so I would have
her number, which she did.
Later I was walking to my car and the two beauties in the
Jeep were there too, with a homely looking girl. So I said,
"Hey you shouldn't pick up strange girls, you should pick up
strange men, and I am a strange man." The super pretty one
said, "This isn't a strange girl, she is my sister." At this
point the sister said in real loud voice "Is your husband here
yet?" But the pretty sister was still interested in talking
to me, so she asked me my name, and when I told her she said,
"My name is Daisy." I said "So like flower a love me, love me
not, flower" and she just laughed and laughed, and we talked
a while longer.
Well she is married and is quite young, so that didn't go any
farther, but it is really powerful to be able to talk to
extremely pretty women and not be scared to death. A lot of
other good things happened that night, but you wanted me to
keep it short. Anyway I still have a long way to go, but just
this one challenge turned out far better than I expected."
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The 7 Pickup Artist Secrets
Note from Style for Tom "Congratulations, Tom! And in just a
few days, you'll be receiving something in the mail that will
not only eliminate that approach anxiety for the future but
also help you escalate with those amazing women you
approached. Respect!"
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The 7 Pickup Artist Secrets
SECRET # 7 HOW TO NEVER RUN OUT
OF THINGS TO SAY
It's one of the worst feelings you can have. You've done the
hard work. You've approached boldly, head held high. You've
gotten her laughing, gotten her smiling, maybe even gotten
her touching you a little and...
The conversation totally loses its steam. Everything just
falls flat. You find yourself scrambling for the right thing
to say, palms sweaty, a lump in your throat, the feeling of
a drowning man overcoming you. Ultimately, you beat a hasty
retreat, one that leaves you with a strong sense of diminished
confidence that colors your entire night.
Why? Because you've run out of things to say.
This happens to just about every man at one point or another.
But what if I told you that you didn't ever have to run out
of things to say? That this was, in fact, a very simple
problem with some very simple solutions?
Best of all, you can start putting your new found skills into
action starting tonight for an increased success rate with
women. Read on, gentlemen, to find out how it's done.
Why You're Running Out of Things to Say
But why are you running out of things to say? What is it that's
making conversation get stuck in the mud?
Closed-Ended Questions: Closed-ended questions are conversation
killers. They require short answers and do not leave the
door open to further conversation on the subject.
What's worse, too many of them in a row can be tiresome.
Too Much Personal Info: When people are out and about,
requesting too much personal information up front can be a
bit unsettling. This makes the other person shut down,
making it harder for you to effectively continue the
conversation.
You Talk Too Much: Maybe the problem is that you have too
much to stay. You're not giving her room to speak, while
also emptying your verbal bank account too quickly.
You Haven't Planned: The best routines are like the best of
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The 7 Pickup Artist Secrets
anything: They have a plan. Do you know what you're going
to say to a woman when you go up to her? Have you thought
about where you want the conversation to go and how you're
going to get it there?
If not, you're a general without a plan of attack.
These are simple things that nearly every man has done at
some point or anything in his nightlife.
Now that you know what you might be doing wrong, it's time to
start looking for strategies to correct these errant behaviors.
Read on to learn more about what you can do to keep a
conversation going.
Food for Thought: How Conversations Thrive
It's easy to keep conversation flowing and not run out of
things to say. So easy, in fact, that you're going to kick
yourself for not picking up on any of these simple tips on
your own.
Open-Ended Questions: The opposite of a closed-ended question
is, of course, an open-ended one. Don't ask her where what
she does for a living. Instead, ask her how she figured out
what she wanted to do for a living. Don't ask her where she
lives, ask her why she moved to the neighborhood she did.
This gives her more room to talk about herself, something that
women love to do.
Keep It Light: Keep conversation very light when you first
start talking to her. In fact, when you first start talking
to her, you probably want to emphasize joking around and
playfully teasing her over "getting to know you" type
conversation. This will open her up for more serious
conversation later.
Let Her Do the Talking: Letting her do a lot of the talking
keeps the conversation flowing. It also takes a lot of
pressure off of you. What's more, it allows you to really
create a connection with her, turning you into the one guy
at the bar that she remembers because you were the one who
let her express herself.
Have a Plan: Again, it's important to have a plan of attack
when you first start talking to a woman. You don't need to
have every single word and response of a conversation mapped
out, but you should have a general direction in mind.
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The 7 Pickup Artist Secrets
Don't Be Afraid to Walk Away: One of the biggest mistakes
that men make when it comes to women is hanging on one all
night. Rather, walk away when things are at a high point or
close to it. Take a second to go grab a drink, work the room
and check back in with your friends. This helps you avoid
the awkwardness that comes along with a conversation petering
out, while also increasing your social value by being the
type of man who isn't tying himself to one woman all night.
Hit the bar tonight and start putting this stuff into practice.
Then become the man who absolutely, positively never runs out
of things to say.
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The 7 Pickup Artist Secrets
HOW LEARING PICKUP
ARTIST SKILLS MEANS
YOU CAN MASTER
ANYTHING IN LIFE
If you have been reading (and practicing), then you've already
discovered how learning this new social skill changes your life in many
other areas as well.
If you ask yourself, what's the biggest thing holding you back
in life? It's not even a question: It's social anxiety and approach
anxiety.
That voice in your head, that feeling in the pit of your stomach
that prevents you from taking chances. Whether it's on the job
or at the club, approach anxiety is a killer, a brick wall
between you and your dreams. Viewed from the other side of
that brick wall, defeating approach anxiety means that you
can do just about anything with your life. It means that you
can stop bunting and start swinging for the fences. It means
that your dreams can become realities.
When you remain a slave to approach anxiety, you'll never get
the opportunity to become the man that you want to be.
Annihilating approach anxiety is the first step of many
toward becoming the man that you've always dreamed of being.
How Fear of Rejection is Holding You Back
Fear of rejection is holding you back from everything -- at
least everything good in life. The reason being that all the
best things in life require some kind of risk on your part.
One of the most powerful risks that a person can take is
acting in such a way that might make them ashamed or embarrassed.
And one of the easiest ways to step on that hornet's nest is
with rejection. But hold the phone: Rejection really isn't
that bad.
In fact, the more you try to do things, the more you're going
to get rejected.
It's just simple math. Take the greatest baseball players of
all time. None of them have a batting average over .500.
In fact, the top 1000 batting averages of all time are somewhere
in the .300s or below. This means that the greatest men to
ever play ball could only hit the ball about 1/3 of the time.
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The 7 Pickup Artist Secrets
This is success in baseball.
Remember: You miss 100 percent of the shots that you don't take.
You're never going to get anything in life if you don't go for
it. That's just how serious approach anxiety is: It's preventing
you from getting any of the things in life that you want.
Social/Approach Anxiety Is Robbing You of Life.
Think of the things that you want in life...
•
•
•
•
You want to talk to that "perfect 10" out at the bar. Approach
anxiety is holding you back.
You want to ask your boss for a raise or a promotion. Approach
anxiety is holding you back.
You want to try and talk the dealer down on the cost of a new car.
Social anxiety is holding you back.
You want to get a better table at the restaurant when you go out on
a date. Social anxiety is holding you back.
You're probably understanding the point. Whatever it is that
you want in life, there's a pretty solid chance that the fear of rejection
is the thing keeping you from getting it. This raises the obvious
question...
How Do I Rid Myself of Fear Of Rejection?
Now that we've seen the negative impact that approach anxiety
is having on your life, it's time to talk about what we can
do about it. It's actually a lot simpler than you might think:
1. Step Up to the Plate: 90 percent of life is showing up.
90 percent of getting rid of approach anxiety is stepping
up to the plate, swinging for the fences and taking your
lumps when they come. It's going to get a lot easier the
more you do it.
2. Embrace Failure: Failure, when looked at through the eyes
of a wise man, is not actually failure. It's a learning
experience. When you strike out, do what a professional
does: Take a step back for a second and try to figure out
what you did wrong. Then avoid those mistakes next time.
3. Act Confident: Fewer things are more self-perpetuating than
feigned confidence. Put simply, a man who acts confidently
today is a man who is confident tomorrow. Think of the
things that a confident man does and start doing them.
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The 7 Pickup Artist Secrets
Sooner rather than later you're going to notice that you're
a lot more confident -- and approach anxiety is going to
melt away.
4. Commit yourself to change your life: Make a decision that
you have to follow through.
BONUS: Ready For The Field?
Take the PUA Quiz and find out if you have now the PUA skills, to say
the right things at the right time and attract a beautiful woman in a bar
or club.
http://www.stylelife.com/i/mig/index.php
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