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You may know a couple of tricks to making men desire you, but
do you know what the major secret is to getting men to actually
NEED you?
I’m not talking about having him just like the idea of being with
you or wanting you to be with him, I’m talking about being able
to legitimately have a man in a state in which he truly believes
that you and only you are the key to making him feel truly
complete.
Do you have any idea what a man is prone to doing for a
woman when he’s in a state like that?
When a man truly believes that he needs you on a subconscious
level, it will truly be almost as if he has been legitimately taken
over by the forces of something supernatural within him.
He will be consumed by a feeling that gives him intoxicating
urges to do loving things for you over and over again, with
absolutely no signs of hesitation or fatigue.
The process that I’ve developed in order to help women activate
this effect with the men they’re interested in is called “Addictive
Seeds of Desire”.
I named the process Addictive Seeds of Desire due to the fact
that, essentially, women who employ this technique are going
to be dropping tiny seeds of desire in his mind that flourish into
larger blossoms of attraction.
As the seed continues to blossom and grow, with desire
flourishing to levels previously unheard of, eventually
something that I like to call a “love fruit” comes into being. I
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call it a love fruit due to the feeling of fulfillment and
satisfaction that your man will have once he fully indulges in
the complete extent of his devotion to you.
The more of this “love fruit” that your man partakes in from the
great tree of desire that sprouted from the seeds you planted
within his consciousness, the more he’s going to desire as a
result. In the simplest terms, he will literally be addicted to the
feeling being able to care for and provide for you.
In order to enjoy the fruits from the tree, he is going to have to
continuously return to your garden. As an effect of growing
literally addicted to the sensation of having to provide for you at
all times, he is going to associate the achievement of that
feeling with needing to be closer and closer to you by the day.
Every time that he takes a bite of this fruit, he’s going to be
positively reinforced by serious feeling of rejuvenation,
purposefulness, and genuine aliveness that he’ll find it difficult
to match with just about anything else.
So right now you may understandably be wondering exactly
what it really takes in order to make it so that you can actually
plant these seeds of desire into your man’s heart in the first
place. In order to make the process of planting these seeds a
little bit easier for you to understand, I have broken the entire
process down into four simple steps.
Step #1 – Provide The Feeling of Emotional Choice
Never forget this absolutely critical principle: the man’s number
one desire is always going to be fulfill his ancient DNA-coded
desires to provide, lead and guide. His desire to fulfill these
roles is embedded at a level that has remained completely
untouched for over two hundred thousand years.
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In spite of all of the technological developments that we have
collectively made as the human race in the years that we’ve
been carving out our personal history, there are certainly
elements of the human experience that have remained
uncannily unchanged in spite of it all – the male complex of
leading and providing is one of those things.
Satisfying the ancient desire of a man to be looked to as a
provider and leader is almost unparalleled in its effectiveness,
but on the other side of the same coin, failing to satisfy this
desire will create one of the least desirable effects possible in
terms of successfully building a relationship.
If you fail to create the kind of feeling within him that will
imbue him sensations of being a leader and a provider, he will
like he’s caged. Though it may be anything but that you’d
actually intend to happen, he might actually be driven to
believe that you actually don’t think that he’s the kind of man
that is actually fit to provide and lead.
You’ve got to make it so that he legitimately feels like he has
what he needs to be looked to as a dependable, strong male
figure with the power to make decisive calls.
As an extension of respect towards your man, then, you’ve got
to give him the feeling of having legitimate emotional choice in
the first place.
Before we move any further in this direction, we must fully
cover exactly how to define the concept of what I’ve called an
emotional choice.
An emotional choice is not an extremely complicated thing to
understand. All that an emotional choice indicates is that the
man has the ability to actually choose that he wants to be with
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you, to choose that he wants you, to choose that he desires and
you to choose to commit to you in the end.
It seems simple enough on paper, but in spite of its extreme
simplicity, lots of women are constantly making mistakes that
indicate that they in fact do not have an adequate
understanding of exactly what is necessary for the allowance of
true emotional choice.
As a matter of fact, a lot of women actually make the mistake
of legitimately trying to force a man to be in be in a relationship
with them. The woman who do this may be thinking that
they’re not actually going anything inherent hurtful, but
ultimately, all that they are actually doing is emotionally
projecting onto their men to a destructively unnecessary
degree.
When you emotionally project on a man to an excessive degree,
you’re going to be giving off all of the wrong sorts of
impressions.
All women in search of commitment want their men to see
them as romantic partners, but when they make the mistake of
emotionally projecting too much, they make themselves come
off more as liabilities.
When a woman is simply emotionally projecting too much, all
that she is doing is making it seem as though she has no ability
to function without hovering around her man at all times, that
is absolutely not the kind impression that want to be giving off
when it comes to ensuring a secure and desire-filled
relationship.
A man does in fact want to feel like a hero, but that’s not the
same as feeling like a woman is literally hooked up to him as
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source of life support. If it feels like woman can’t survive
without him, a man is going to be gradually (or not so
gradually) put off and scared off by the emotional neediness
radiating from his passionate but unbearably clingy partner.
At the end of the day, a man legitimately needs to feel like he
can be with you in the sense that you need one another without
having to literally call one another every fifteen minutes.
Women who emotionally project their neediness too much are
also often going to be proneto making one of most damaging
mistakes of all: questioning their man’s neediness to an
extreme degree.
When a man feels like his loyalty is being questioned every two
seconds, he’s not longer going to feel like he’s in a relationship
that he chose – he’ll feel like he’s been trapped into a bad deal.
When your man feels like his every moment with you is marked
with a judgment of his character, he’ll feel like the entire
relationship was something that YOU decided, completely
negating any kind of emotional choice that he could have made
on his own.
The moment you start levying all of your emotional pressure on
a man, the less personally invested he’s going to feel in the
balance of the relationship.
He’s going to feel like you only care about your decisions and
have absolutely no care for what he wants or desires, and when
this happens, it’s virtually impossible for things to not end
badly.
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Even if you may not actually even mean anything harmful by it,
you will be basically delivering the message that you don’t
actually trust in his abilities as a man.
Knowing what we’ve already covered in terms of what makes a
man feel fulfilled –being respected as a provider and leader –
the sense that a woman doesn’t trust in his abilities as a man
will make the man feel like he is being disrespected and
belittled.
So, in order to prevent these incredibly undesirable
circumstances from occurring, the best safety measure that you
can take in this situation is ensuring that you are able to
logically and temporarily set your immediate emotional needs
aside.
It is imperative that you understand the value of refraining from
emotionally projecting on your man. If you can avoid
emotionally projecting on him, you can save the relationship
from falling apart before it can even begin in the first place.
Now, even though you won’t be emotionally projecting onto
him, it doesn’t mean that you have to live in a shadow without
a voice, speaking only when spoken to and taking zero initiative
– that’s just as bad, only in the opposite direction. You can
simply let your man know that you are there, while making sure
not to push the idea of being together.
Pushing the idea that two of you have to be together is the
absolute antithesis to a key component of your primary
objective in this scenario – ultimately, you want him to CHOOSE
commitment with you in the end.
You need to provide him with all of the emotional space,
freedom and leeway that he needs in order to rationally make
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the choice. I understand very well just how frustrating it can be
to feel that the only thing you can do is sit around and wait, but
in time, you will be very glad that you chose waiting patiently
over the alternative.
It’s much easier to get frustrated than it is to understand why it
seems like a man is taking longer to commit to you than you
expected, but the women who come out on top are those who
chose to take the challenge of patient observation instead of
aggressive pursuit.
Now this may be a tough pill for some reading this to swallow,
but as a woman who used to be guilty of it herself and learned
better the hard way, I would be doing you a major disservice if
I didn’t tell you the truth. Even if your feelings are completely
sincere, if you’re expressing them too often and too deeply,
you’re probably making things a bit worse.
It may be true that you love the person that your man is more
than words can describe. It may be true that you want to be
with your man more than you’ve wanted to be with anyone else
you ever have.
It may be true that you feel like part of you legitimately needs
your man in your life, like part of you wants to be comforted by
him every day, and everything in between. While all of these
things may be as true as true can be, if you really value the
chances of commitment happening, you will learn how to ration
how much you make these intense desires known.
If you make a bad habit of overemphasizing how important
your man is, you run the risk of making him feel like you are
actually turning him into your entire life.
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Unconsciously turning the man into your entire life, before the
two of you are even legitimately committed, will make him feel
like his choice in the matter is being ignored in favor of only
your desires.
Basically, no matter how genuine your feelings may be, forcing
your feelings on him too hard will make him feel as though you
are forcing something on him and depriving him of his right to
make an actual decision in the matter.
So, once again, you must make sure that you avoid getting so
caught up in strong feeling that you feel compelled to seek out
his approval of you. I understand that just about everyone is at
a different level of self-confidence in their daily lives, but
nevertheless, you need to do the best that you can to tap into a
level of certainty in yourself that requires no approval at all.
If you already possess the kind of confidence that makes you
completely content without the man you want giving you his
seal of approval, then that’s great and you are in the perfect
personal position to start learning how to exhibit interest
without coming off as needy – if you still need more time, then
something that could help is making a list of your best traits.
What you’ll realize is that the more secure you are in your own
value, sans approval, the more efficient you will be at exercising
some restraint in how strongly you express your feelings for
men you aren’t yet committed to.
Women who aren’t as sure of themselves will feel that they
need to basically lay out all their cards on the table to
compensate what they perceive is a lack of legitimate reasons
for a high-quality man to want to invest time in them for them,
hoping that the raw force of their desire will be enough to make
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the difference – as we’ve discussed, this is no good.
When you are capable of exercising restraint, you are going to
be able to exude a surreal and powerful kind of attractiveness
that comes from a place that can’t be directly observed in the
same way that we observe eyes, hair and clothes. By showing
that you can be without him without being alone, you
demonstrate beauty on a deeper-than-typical level.
You’re not going to completely stonewall the guy and act as
though he doesn’t exist, but at the same time, you’re going to
moderate the degree to which you emotionally act and react
around him at any given point in time.
As you get more used to your own rhythm in terms of how to
control the expressiveness of your feelings, you will become
much closer to being able to show that you WANT the guy but
don’t actually NEED him at all.
In contrast, a woman who basically makes a guy her “end all”
or “be all” is often unintentionally putting a massive amount of
pressure on him, whether or not he actually has feeling for her
in return. Not only will he feel unduly responsible for this kind
of woman’s feelings, but chances are he may also feel a bit
sorry for someone who is so codependent.
Now when you exhibit that not being with your man isn’t the
end of your world, you may be able to observe a fairly profound
effect that occurs as a result of your restraint. When you are
able to subtly exhibit to that man that your happiness doesn’t
depend on him reciprocating your relative interest in him, he
will experience a certain mental phenomenon.
The mental phenomenon that erupts in your man’s mind will be
something called “loss reality”. Loss reality is basically exactly
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what it sounds like – it is the feeling that the loss of someone or
something (or an opportunity relating to a certain person) is a
very real possibility.
When loss reality ignites in the man’s mind, he’s going to have
to face the very real fact that if he doesn’t make a move,
there’s a chance that you could happily move on without him –
what’s more, you could easily come across someone else who
acts in a more proactive way than he himself does.
Now we have to cover another basic tidbit of human psychology
here – specifically, the nature of the value that we attribute to
the things and people in our lives. Despite there being so many
hundreds of millions of things and people in the world for us to
see and know on a daily basis, the value we attribute to them
follows a fairly consistent and simple formula.
When something seems like it is extremely easy to access at all
times, or when it seems like there’s just a very low chance of
losing access to it in the near future, we are far more likely to
take that thing for granted.
Conversely, when it appears that something is particularly
scarce and hard to get a hold of without great effort, or perhaps
just extremely challenging to hold onto, we naturally attribute a
higher value to it than most other things.
The relationship of accessibility and availability to value and
gratitude is the very definition of supply and demand for the
commercial goods of every industry across the globe – though it
may seem like a highly mechanical concept, it applies to the
way that we treat the people in our lives as well.
Even if we may be consciously aware of how supportive or
disruptive the people in our lives are, the level of accessibility
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we have to them and the amount of security that have in them
as permanent fixtures in our lives tends to have an effect on
how much we value their presence – this is why we have the
old saying, “distance makes the heart grow fonder”.
When it comes to a man that you’re interested in, then, you can
probably understand why I say that exercising some restraint is
so effective at fostering genuine attraction.
The scarcity mentality – the fear that there’s just not enough of
something or someone to go around – will trigger an emotional
reaction in the man to get as much of that thing, as quickly as
he can.
He will be motivated to chase after that thing due to his need to
alleviate the anxiety that his access to it (or her) could
disappear at a moment’s notice, which makes that thing or that
certain woman instantly appear several times more attractive,
exclusive and valuable in his eyes.
This negative correlation between accessibility and desire is a
keystone of the human existence, which means that virtually
every normally adjusted man in the world is affected by it in the
exact same way. In order to trigger this guaranteed response in
a potential relationship situation with a man, you need to make
sure the man knows that you do not need him despite the fact
that you want him.
You’re basically going to performing an exercise in the art of
meeting halfway – you will give the green light, but you will not
rush over to him and urge him to cross the road. As is the
nature with a green light, he will understand that the light will
not remain green forever, and if he does not move quickly
enough, the will get passed by others who heeded the signal
earlier.
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When faced with this green light situation, given a man’s pride,
he will almost certainly make the choice to come the rest of the
way on his own. There’s a reason that I use the metaphor of a
green light as opposed to, say, a random person on the
sidewalk that runs over to the car and incoherently yells at the
driver to follow them in another direction.
The driver can be comfortable in the way that the green light
indicates a direction that he should head in, but the insane
person banging on the window will make him want to put his
foot on the gas as hard as possible.
Meeting him halfway and exercising careful restraint will make
you the green light, but trying to force him into the relationship
will make you like the incoherent and alarming stranger from
the sidewalk that curses at him to move in different direction
scares him off at the speed of a bullet.
Now, if you think that you understand the full importance of
allowing him the right to having an emotional choice –and what
it takes to make that possible-, we can move onto the second
step in the Seeds of Desire process.
Step #2 – Give Him A Feeling Of Control
Remember what I mentioned earlier about being able to put
your deepest emotional needs on the shelf in order to move
things along with a man at a natural and frictionless pace? In
this step, it’s imperative that you manage to also set aside a bit
of your pride that comes from a need to always be in control – I
understand this is easier for some than others.
For me, it was a bit of challenge, but I had to accept the fact
that relationships are a two way street that do require some
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degree of sacrifice of that feeling of absolute control that we
daydream about so much.
The very concept of investing our most intimate feelings into
another person outright necessitates that we be able to let go
of a little bit of control over our lives – this is especially vital
when you remember what we’ve talked about in terms of the
ultimate desire that a man has to be acknowledged and valued
for his leadership, efficiency as a provider, and ability to
correctly make swift or difficult decisions.
If you really want to be able to fulfill your man in this particular
way to a degree that none other than his ultimate partner can
truly match, then you have to work out a way that you can
reasonably give your man the ability to prove himself by
allowing him that precious sense of control that he craves.
I’m not implying that we all act like doormats for our men and
go swimming Arctic Ocean every time that he thinks it’s a good
idea, but we must at least learn to be able to give our man that
feeling he has that he is a worthy mate that can be trusted to
support the relationship, and potentially a family, with his
intelligence and skills.
If you’ve really been going after the kind of man that is best for
you, then ideally, that man is in the possession of qualities and
abilities that make him reliable person by default – you just
have to allow him the room to let those qualities shine when
they matter.
Once again, it is imperative that I acknowledge the danger of
excessive emotional projecting when it comes to appropriate
planting and tending to the Seeds of Desire. Emotional
projecting can cause one to not only give off the impression of
desperation, but it can also result in a person being less
receptive to alternative solutions to problems.
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If you try too hard to force a man to do the right thing, then
I’m afraid to tell you that you yourself are doing the wrong
thing.
Before you decide that it’s necessary to insist to your man that
he do or say a certain thing that will lead to the best result, you
need to decide whether or not the matter is worth possibly
compromising the relationship over – the answer may honestly
sometimes be ‘yes’, but nine times out of ten, women regret not
being more open-minded about it.
If you try to hard to dump your needs for something to be done
in a certain way on a man’s head all at once, he’s not only going
to be spectacularly overwhelmed, but also a bit put-off by the
fact that you don’t seem to have any faith in or respect for him
decision making abilities – this would be another case of him
feeling trapped instead of committed.
When you do anything that deprives a man of sense of control,
what you are essentially saying to him is:
“Hey, you, stop whatever you’re doing and be with me. Forget
about how you actually feel about being with me. Who ever told
you that what you feel actually matters? You have needs? I
never said your needs are important. Your wants are even less
important. Just do what I want and everything will be fine. Your
ideas don’t matter when I’M thinking.”
Do you think that you could even give this a score of 1 on a
scale of 1 to 10 measuring how much it would make the
average man want to commit? Unless he’s a masochist, he’ll be
running back home to his mother and curling up under his
childhood blankets in fear until the cold sweats finally wear off.
Or alternatively, he must just decide that you are not someone
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he wants to invest any more time in getting to know.
Remember what we covered on how powerful the ‘loss reality”
feeling is in creating a sense of fear in a man? You know that
the fear can either be based in a man worry that he won’t be
able to get something, or the fear that something he currently
has access to may no longer be available.
Just as loss reality can draw a man closer to a woman that he
doesn’t want to lose his chance of dating, loss reality can also
send a man scrambling away from a woman at supersonic
speed in order to reclaim his own freedom before it’s too late.
For some women who unwittingly strike this highly piercing fear
in men, the man’s retreat isn’t very easily noticed. He may
actually keep up the appearance of remaining by his side, but
emotionally, he will have completely left the building.
Things can become especially messy if he remains in the
relationship while going to another woman that makes him feel
free – I trust that it isn’t your goal to be the lonely control freak
or the lonely mistress.
You need to respect your man’s ability to make choices in order
for him to actually be a man. As a man in a committed
relationship, a status that many men go to their graves fearing
no other thing more than their own creator, he likely has a
strong sense of purpose that he intends to fulfill in order to live
up to the role.
You need to lead your man to the best reasons for committing
to you and provide him with respect in order to grant him the
ability to lead and provide when the time calls for it.
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If you step on his toes and deny him his leading and providing
responsibilities, then you are basically saying. “Hey, this MY job.
You just sit over there in the corner”. When you do this, the
entire point of the relationship becomes pointless for him and
nothing more than a hollow symbol for you. You won’t be
receiving any real love, and he will feel trapped.
The most dangerous aspect of this potential relationship pitfall
is just how unintentionally it can happen, even in relationships
in which the woman initially does want the man to lead and
provide in whatever way that he can.
These women often end up making the mistake of trying to use
emotional attraction to resolve the dispute instead of what the
man is more biologically tuned by default to be receptive to,
which is logical attraction.
You must always be wary of the fact that men, for all their
qualities that they are proud of, do NOT have the same level of
emotional control as women. Your man is simply not designed
to have the came capacity for emotional insight as you are.
Considering natural imbalance of emotional control between the
two of you,in order to see eye-to-eye with him in the midst of a
disagreement, you need to be able to give your man a sense of
LOGICAL control that he is built for.
Now how do we actually accomplish that?
Giving the man logical control is time, though perhaps easier
said that done – technically, all you have to do is temporarily
suspend your emotions, and test your tolerance for being a little
bit more impartial and calculative about things you feel strongly
about.
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After you’ve gotten handle on suspending your emotions, you
must learn to suspend them at strategic intervals.
Whenever you and your man are having some kind of
disagreement, doing your best to avoid making it a matter of
feelings will save you a lot avoidable stress. Even if you feel in
your heart that it’s an emotional matter, doing your best to
approach it as a simple matter of risks versus benefits will keep
you calm and lessen the chance of miscommunication.
It’s natural to want to fulfill your man’s emotional needs, and
there are wonderfully effective ways to go about accomplishing
that goal – however, you mustn’t make the mistake that
thousands of other women do. In another instance of good
intentions gone awry, women try to “open up” their men and
turn the relationship into an emotional nightmare.
If the man isn’t immediately receptive to being treated as
emotionally bankrupt, which is almost never is, then one of the
worst kinds of fights a couple can have is likely to ignite: the
fight in which there is no clear, objective purpose for the fight to
actually be resolved.
The entire thing will be an unsolvable and tense mess about
vague feelings, and if it drags on for too long, then eventually
someone is going to make the mistake of appearing as if only
their position is the one that matter – a position in a debate
that, mind you, has no clear basis for existence in the very first
place.
I’ve counseled women who started out wanting to be sources of
emotional openness for their men, which while admirable,
proved to be a dire mistake once taken too far.
Almost every case wound up leading to a fight about feelings,
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which inevitably stretched out to include personal attacks and
left both the woman and their man believing that their own
wants and intentions were being invalidated.
While their frustration was justified in the context of what they
believed was happening, they were really only getting
emotionally charged up until they unknowingly made every
about them alone, and their ability to have power and control
over the situation.
So now you see why it is so important to allow your man to
have some control instead of trying to horde it all for yourself.
Relationships are all about how much you can give to one
another, not how much you can intentionally get – give your
man some of that feeling control he craves, and in return, you’ll
find that he gives you the respect you desire.
When he respects you completely and doesn’t feel like you’re
trying to out muscle him, he’s going to be much more willing to
cooperate with you and approach you for advice instead of
worry that you’ll just try to nag him if he mentions a
challenging situation. He will desire you more for how easy it is
to make it through difficult times with you.
In the meantime, there are effective ways that you can make
sure you feel emotionally fulfilled at the same time that you’re
offering him logical control – one of the most effective ways of
all, and what I’ve personally found most satisfying, is to
practice taking care of your own emotional fulfillment.
Being able to independently emotionally fulfill yourself will make
you far less likely to unwittingly project all of your unaired
emotional pressure onto your men like the unfortunate
situations that I referenced earlier – at the same time, you’ll
both come off as and be a more respectable, healthy and selfsufficient person for it.
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The belief that people in the relationship have in themselves as
individuals does indeed bleed out into the dynamic of the
relationship itself.
Two confident people who can both emotionally fulfill
themselves on their own are going to help one another grow,
butt two people with poor self-esteem are going to wind up
being codependent and enable one another’s issues.
Even an imbalance in self-esteem, in which one person is selfassured and the other is not, can lead to the less confident one
just sapping off the other’s energy and shortening the
relationship’s lifespan. That’s why it’s so important to be able to
emotionally fulfill yourself and allow your man to feel like a
quality leader and provider.
Remember this well: some of the saddest people in the entire
world are those who rely solely another person in their life
being there to make them happy – don’t be one of those
people, and you’ll thank yourself for it.
The only way to that you can definitively PROVE your own selfassurance is by having it confirmed by the only person in the
world who is actually qualified to do such – that person that you
should be seeking out the ultimate approval from is yourself.
It’s not to say that you can’t ask your man for help, but at the
end of the day, it must be you who can take the responsibility
of internalizing your emotion to conquer and/or rationalize it, if
at all possible – this will both increase your sense of value and
free up your man’s own energy to focus on what he needs to do
on his end to keep the relationship afloat.
Be sure that you never do what some women do when they’re
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at a loss for how to deal with their emotional turmoil, which is
blame their men for not being able enough to help them
through it.
We’ve already went over how men are just not as gifted in
emotional control as women – chances are that he would pick
you up right out of it if he could, but it’s just not within his
abilities (or anyone else’s for that matter) to do it for you.
Now generally speaking, all of negative emotions that you may
feel from time to time – for causes outside of the relationship
itself- are going to have the same general effect on the
relationship in question.
Any time that you feel the creeping sensation of pain, sorrow,
or anxiety, keep in mind that it may be something that you
should take the time to meditate on before turning into a
relationship issue. Feel free to refer back to Chapter Seven for
a review of how to most accurately classify the different kind of
emotions that may arise in difficult times.
Your man may not be able to fix the issue for you, but
sometimes, asking how he’s been feeling can be a good way to
gain perspective.
Strategically suspending your emotions until you can deal with
them effectively on your own is not the same thing as denying
that they exist – quite the opposite. What you’re going to be
doing in this scenario is simply clearing the air about you,
keeping your emotions stable, and understanding negativity’s
core.
You do not have to hide your feelings from your man, but if you
make them known, it’s wise to still allow for some space
between the two of you instead of firing off the emotions
directly at him.
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Just like the green light metaphor in the first Seeds of Desire
step we covered, you need to give him leverage to come and
help you on his own instead of forcing him to move in the
direction that you want – if the both of you have an even
reciprocation of respect and control, he will be more than willing
to help in whatever way that he can, without you needing to
ask.
What’s really amazing is that when you’re able to exercise a
sufficient level of control over your own emotional struggles, it
will actually give your man a better feeling of control as well.
Alternatively, your man would feel compelled to fix your
problem as me fancy themselves obligated to do, which would
destroy his sense of control once he inevitably failed. It won’t
be like when a man gets fed up at his inability to logically fix his
girlfriend/wife’s emotional problem, which can erupt into a fight
in which he accuses her of “how I feel” mentality.
We’ve spoken a great deal in this section about the best ways
to deal with negative emotions, but positive emotions are
entirely different matter altogether. Positive emotions, unlike
negative emotions, should be fully expressed whenever
possible.
When you powerfully radiate positive emotions, you are
continually giving your man a steam of positive feedback that
he’ll likely react to by doing more of the things that you love, in
order to preserve those positive feelings of his.
Any time you’re feeling something significantly positive, it’s
perfectly reasonable – as well as healthy and smart- to stop and
share it if appropriate.
The relationship is like a cell that you and your partner travel
through the outside world in, like a shared, protective vessel
with a semi-permeable surface – some things are let through,
and others are blocked. You should fuel the relationship “cell”
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with positive emotions from the outside world that you let
through the surface, and block out the viral negativity.
You can consider the bond between the two of you like the
nucleus of that cell that you two protect and nurture –
therefore, when an outside problem is affecting you with
negativity, your first instinct should not be to inject that
negativity directly into the nucleus of your relationship – doing
so will infect your bond and make it harder to sustain.
Once again, in everyday terms, you’ve got to do your best to
sustain and rationalize all of the negative emotions that you
can, while freely sharing the positive emotions – this will keep
your man from being overburdened, and also save you a great
and unnecessary regret. If you can sustain them efficiently, he
will feel more in control of himself, which will make him far
more helpful for you and useful in every other way as well.
You will be able to conquer your negative emotions in a way
that is both constructive and conducive to easy cooperation,
and as a result,he’ll be empowered by the stability of a feeling
of control that you have made possible. He will desire your
happiness more for the sense of accomplishment that it gives
him, which makes him more productive.
It will make him feel more full of life, motivation, confidence
and freedom to react to the logical issues that immediately
concern him – couple this with your emotional control and
positivity, and you’ll a high-energy, mentally healthy and synchronized couple that makes other couples jealous.
Now, once you’ve completely internalized the meaning of this
vital second step of the Seeds of Desire, allowing him full
access to his feeling of control, we can move onto the third and
biggest step of all.
Step #3 – Give Him a Feeling of Emotional Significance –
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This is, without a doubt, the most important step in the process
of the Seeds of Desire. This third step regards the skeleton in
the closet of the elephant in the room that you’ll almost never
hear your average prideful man address outside of a therapist’s
office – the fragility of the male ego.
Let’s not even mince words in the slightest here: men have
fragile egos. As tall as they build their egos up, they’re really
like stacks of cards that can come tumbling down to the ground
at moment’s notice.
A man’s constant internal conflict with the fragility of his own
ego is the reason behind exactly why he values respect as much
as he does. When respect is denied, the man becomes insecure,
reckless, and potentially violent.
As the man’s partner, you assist him in solidifying his sense of
ego and self to keep from wavering when feels like he’s growing
weak – this is the true meaning of emotional significance.
A man wants to feel as useful as he can, which is why a woman
needing his help is so important to him –even being called
stupid or dumb won’t impair his perception of himself if he is
secure in his abilities as a result of his feeling of emotional
significance.
While blows to miscellaneous qualities will rarely phase him, an
attack on a man’s ability to provide, lead or guide will hurt him
deeply, due to the perceived effect that it has on his entire
sense of being – he will feel like his very manhood is being
doubted, and this will incite him to fight to defend it tooth and
nail.
A lot of women, unfortunately, have a certain misconception
that they do men a favor by protecting their ego with
compliments that slightly stretch the truth – while the
intentions are honorable, this is hardly ever the right way go
about it.
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A man will be able to sense when someone is patronizing him,
“sucking up” to him, or trying to “smooj” him –this will never be
appreciated. Insincere compliments are not genuine or valid,
and a man only listens when something is genuine and valid –
this is why when someone genuinely questions the validity of
his leadership, he feels very threatened.
If you approach your man with intention of deliberately lying to
him in order to appease him, then I guarantee that only one of
two things is going to happen:
-You’ll harm the integrity if your relationship with the lie to
falsely inflate his ego, which will cause problems in the future
Or
-He’ll catch onto it, and an instant rift will form between the two
of you
Men may have fragile egos, but aside from that, you should
really give them a lot more credit when it comes to being able
to handle comments that you think may hurt his feelings. As
long as you’re being real, direct and clear with him, he’ll be able
to take it.
Above all else, respect is forever integral to the upkeep of the
man’s emotional significance. Intersperse your respect for him
with legitimate and honest feedback, and he will consistently
work to better himself if he is mature and well-adjusted enough
to see the value in constructive criticism.
Ideally, instead of crumbling, a man’s ego will instead activate a
reparative process in order to give him that inner push he
needs to work towards legitimately improving himself and
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altering his behavior for the better. Lying to your man is truly
just a selfish way of sparing yourself the discomfort, not really
having his best interests in mind.
Falsely tell your man if he’s perfect if you want him to lose trust
in you and faith in his power, but constructively criticize him if
you respect his right to honesty and truly believe in his power
to improve himself.
Step #4: Do These Three Unreasonable Things To Give
Him a Feeling of Freedom
Ultimately, what we aim to accomplish with the Seeds of Desire
process is the creation of an environment in which it is simply
easy for a man to love you. Some of the things to create a loveconducive environment may appear unconventional, but if you
implement them correctly, it can mean worlds of difference.
These unreasonable adjustments don’t necessarily have to be
the weirdest things on the entire planet, bur they can certainly
drag you out of your comfort zone. It can legitimately be as
simple as being a little bit more patient with something that
tests your patience beyond typical limits.
You and your partner are essentially going to be taking a shared
lesson together in the art of bending over to one another’s
logical patterns in order to increase your mutual empathy for
one another.
It isn’t typical that a man will always adjust his train of logic to
match yours in order to resolve a dispute, and it’s a good thing
that he will, because otherwise, there would be far fewer
resolutions met in everyday couples’ disputes.
A man’s logically-oriented, problem-solving fixated approach to
issues would not and usually never is quite applicable to when
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you and other women only want to be heard, not advised.
The 3 Unreasonable things that I implore you to try doing
represent three things that may necessitate stretching just a
little bit out of your normal sense of reality – it may be
unconventional and uncomfortable at first, but if you do it for
the sake of making your man feel loved and being loved in
return, it will be well worth the trial.
So, what are these three unreasonable things? They are as
follows?
1. The First Unreasonable Thing – Unreasonable,
Seasonal Space
There’s a persistent negative connotation attached to couples
needing space, but in this context, space is your friend. Instead
of waiting your things to go wrong, you should instead aim to
designate certain periods of time to maintain distance when
things are going well.
If you neglect to keep your space, even when things are going
well, there’s risks of:
A. Monotony from the same old routine. Boredom is a serial
relationship killer, but variety does a happy couple make!
B. Even if things are going well between the two of you,
constantly being around can make your presence go from
familiar to overbearing. To prevent smothering one another and
giving each other ample time to recognize one another’s
annoying habits, give each other a break every now and then.
C. A relationship is a privilege and a pleasure, but it doesn’t
mean that you literally fuse into one person! You cannot let the
relationship completely overshadow all of the personal time that
your man gets. It’s nothing personal against you, but for your
own good and his, it’s best to allow for private time tom be an
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individual.
Private time allows the both of you to regenerate, rejuvenate,
and reunited with a refreshed sense of excitement with one
another!
2. The Second Unreasonable Thing – Getting a Life (Of
Your Own)
In what can be considered an extension of step one, you have
to make sure that you have your own life outside of your man –
and not just in terms of career. Too many women let a
relationship indicate the death of their personal development in
order to become an auxiliary component of their man’s life, and
that is a shame!
You cannot allow your sense of fun and adventure to rely solely
on what’s happening in your man’s life. Be in a relationship, but
be an individual first.
Just try and put yourself in the shoes of your man, and imagine
having to be, say, and do everything for a woman – you’d go
insane from the burden within days!
Taking up a new hobby, widening your social circle, and
pursuing dreams are all valid ways to separate your life from
his, have more things to talk about, and add a deeper level of
dynamic quality and understanding to your relationship. Having
unique differences means that you can support one another in
your individual goals.
3. The Third Unreasonable Thing – Unreasonable,
Unconditional Respect
To be completely honest, most men value respect even more
than they value love. They would actually prefer that you
respected them instead of loving them, if given a choice
between the two. Respect is like a deeper level of love for a
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man, and it necessitates appreciation, acknowledgment, and
acceptance from those around him.
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