A 5-Week Study to an Extraordinary Christian Marriage
Includes Men’s Study
AS CHRIST LOVES
THE CHURCH
The One and Only Example
for Marriage
by
JOAN DARCY DUNNAM
Copyright © 2022 by Joan of Arc Publishing, LLC
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner
whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief
quotations in a book review.
Printed in the United States of America
First Printing, 2022
ISBN 979-8-9862129-0-6
Joan of Arc Publishing, LLC
Stuart, FL , USA
Creative direction and cover design by Andrew Pignato
Interior design by Veronika Grebennikova
“
“Righteous Father, though the world does
not know you, I know you, and they know
that you have sent me. I have made you
known to them, and will continue to make
you known in order that the love you have
for me may be in them and that I myself
may be in them.”
(John 17:25–26 NIV)
“
“A new commandment I give to you, that
you love one another: just as I have loved
you, you also are to love one another.”
(John 13:34 ESV)
“
“Follow God’s example in everything you
do just as a much loved child imitates his
father. Be full of love for others, following
the example of Christ who loved you and
gave himself to God as a sacrifice to take
away your sins. And God was pleased,
for Christ’s love for you was like a sweet
perfume to him.”
(Ephesians 5:1–2 TLB)
“
“They will say it is wrong to be married and
wrong to eat meat, even though God gave
these things to well-taught Christians to
enjoy and be thankful for.”
(1 Timothy 4:3 TLB)
To His Royal Bride, both men and women,
We are His heart
We eased His suffering
We make Him sing
We are His Beloved and Betrothed
We are His examples
individually and married
Let’s show the world how much
He loves us
And thereby returning love
to the One and Only
that saved our lives
Acknowledgements
To Jesus, my One and Only. You have my whole heart to overflowing. Before the
foundation of the world into eternity, You are the perfect Groom to Your Beloved
Bride.
To my earthly husband, Brian Dunnam. Your love for me mirrors Christ for His Church
that pursues, leads, and encourages me daily. Thank you for your obedience in
writing for men in this life-long desire in my heart for marriages and families.
To Connor and Ryan Dunnam. My gifts from the Lord. Christ in you shines so brightly
and your lives truly inspire me and so many others.
To my father, John Darcy, who exemplifies Christ in staying loyal to my mother, after
57 years of marriage, in the long and continual battle with Alzheimer’s.
To Sally Gagnon. Your friendship changed my life. Your transparency, humility, and
laughter was a balm that healed me. Thank you for being there for me to pray each
and every time. Our prayers moved and still move mountains!
To Carolyn Reed Master and Andrew Pignato. There is no way this book could have
ever been what it is without your editing and creative excellence. I am so thankful
God had already arranged for us to work together well before it began.
To Alexis Albright, Jean Bowen-Smith, Carol Mendez, and everyone in my Sisterhood
women’s groups. Your class, care, and support shows the world that women truly
love and are vital to each other.
To my church, Christ Fellowship, Todd and Julie Mullins, your exuberant love, faith,
and belief in the callings of your congregation gave me the confidence to write this
book.
And to all churches I have ever attended or watched online. Not a single sermon
over 30 plus years, whether simple with laughter or deeply expository, is wasted or
has fallen on deaf ears. Thank you, pastors and pastor’s wives, for your sacrifice and
efforts toward the flock. Great will be your reward. The Church is One in Christ. His
Bride is making herself ready.
AS C H R I ST LOV E S T H E C H U RC H
9
The Book At-a-Glance
15
17
19
Foreword by Brian Dunnam
How to Use This Book
Welcome
23 Section 1 | Week 1—Royal Sons, Daughters, and Bride
Our True Spousal Identities as Heirs and Co-Heirs in the Kingdom
Key Truths
• God knew and chose you both before the
foundation of the world
• You both are heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ
by faith through the Cross
• What true humility is in light of your royal status
• How the enemy tries to block your royal identity
and ambassador role
• The definition of royalty
• The fallibility of royalty on earth
• You both are betrothed and part of the bride of
Christ, which is the Church
• How to walk worthy of your calling as heirs and
co-heirs of the Kingdom
• There will be a future marriage in Christ and a
wedding supper of the Lamb
• Reading and applying the men’s study
Key To-Do’s
• You both have been awarded complete
forgiveness and access to His Throne by faith
through the Cross
• Complete the Slave vs. Royalty exercise
• You and your spouse are of royal status and
ambassadors of Christ on earth
• Just believe in His Word
• You and your spouse are seated with Christ in
heavenly realms
• Your marriage is an example of Christ’s love for
the Church
Key Reads
• Scriptures on being a royal son, daughter, and
Bride
• Rewire your thinking into your royal identity
• Pray and act like the royal you are
• Grow and change for Christ’s honor in light of His
sacrifice and purpose for you
• See your spouse as royalty and on mission for
Christ individually and collectively
• Repeat this week’s study until you see changes in
thought and action
• The day Jesus ripped the chains off you for
eternity
10
AS C H R I ST LOV E S T H E C H U RC H
45 Section 2 | Weeks 2–3—Christ and His Bride, the Church
A Marriage Made in Heaven
Key Truths
• Christ’s love has been poured out in our hearts
and is complete for each spouse
• The human heart was designed to be fully loved
by Christ
• Christ’s love is specific to meeting all our needs
that overflows to your spouse
• Love Christ back with all your heart, soul, mind,
and strength
• The goodness of the Father and the fullness of
His love for us
• The ancient Jewish wedding model
• The enemy’s deception through movies, novels,
and social media
• The destructive nature of porn
• Reading and applying the men’s study
Key To-Do’s
• Human love is flawed, whereas Christ’s love is
perfect
• Read, reflect, and receive Christ’s complete love
for you
• Song of Songs in the Old Testament describes
Christ’s passionate love for His bride
• Abide in His specific love daily
• The enemy tries to block the truth of Christ’s
complete love for you both
• Read and do the Boaz and Ruth exercise
• The world deceives us into a false sense of love
that leaves us empty and desperate
Key Reads
• Complete the Needs/Concerns exercise
• Understand the Father’s love for you first and
foremost
• Fill in, pray, and read daily the closing prayer until
change occurs
• Scriptures on His complete love for His Bride
• Love yourself, your spouse, and others in light of
His satiating and overflowing love
• The specific ways Christ loves the Church and
each of us
• Repeat this week’s study until you see changes in
thought and action
• Song of songs excerpt from the Old Testament
93 Section 3 | Weeks 4–5—An Extraordinary Christian Marriage
On Display to the World
Key Truths
• God has favored the husband with the gift of his
wife
• A healthy and vibrant marriage is attainable
• Husbands are the rock of the home like Christ is
of the church
• Jesus reversed Adam’s failure to lead and protect
Eve
• There is no perfect earthly marriage
• Husbands are called to nourish, protect, and
cherish their wives
• Husbands are called to love and sacrifice for their
wives as Christ loves the church
• Marriage is a covenantal relationship from the
heart
• The marriage design is a symbiotic dance with
the husband leading
• The enemy is active and deadly toward your
marriage
AS C H R I ST LOV E S T H E C H U RC H
11
Key Reads
• Scriptures on the roles of husbands and wives in
Christ
• How the marriage design works
• The strength of our Rock-like husbands
Key To-Do’s
• Reflect on scriptural spousal roles
• Complete the Resentment and Unforgiveness
exercise
• Step out of the fight
• Complete the Nourish, Protect, and Cherish
exercise
• The first and last Adam reversed and exemplified
• Complete the Romance vs. Cherish exercise
• Put resentment and unforgiveness in the past
• Complete the Top 4 Non-negotiables, Needs, and
Preferences exercise
• “A Call to Remember” for wives while in the
process toward marital health
• What to do if he doesn’t try
• A relationship from the heart is the goal for every
marriage, like with Christ
• Dwell with understanding to avoid conflict
• A Christian husband of excellence
• Reading and applying men’s study
• Commit to financial stability
• Seek to understand your spouse as God’s
masterpiece through a personality assessment
• Complete the Not Too Emotional exercise
• Apply the ONE Thing questions in most
conversations (see men’s study)
• Remember to have patience as breakdowns can
lead to breakthroughs
• Repeat this week’s study until you see changes in
thought and action
159
171
172
174
12
Men’s Study
Meet the Author
Bibliography
Endnotes
AS C H R I ST LOV E S T H E C H U RC H
“It is God’s will for you
to have an extraordinary
marriage.”
Foreword
Joan and I have been married for 26 years now, and I am
still blown away by how tenacious and dedicated she is
to both self-improvement and helping to improve the
lives of the people around her. I’ve personally witnessed
her pour her heart and soul into people year after year
because she has an incredible passion for women and
marriages. Joan’s greatest desire is for everyone to know
their true identity in Christ, how deeply Christ loves them,
and help restore marriages that the enemy has tried to
destroy through endless lies, sin, and deception. She has
dedicated her life to repairing her past by growing in a
personal relationship with Christ so that she is her best per
God’s design and can most definitely be a help to others
trying to do the same. I’ve watched her work into the night,
completing a master’s degree in International Business,
counseling studies in the master’s program of Marriage
and Family Therapy at Liberty University, a Life Coaching
certification, and combing through countless sermons,
Bible studies, and nutritional studies so that she could
become an expert in this field.
This book is an outpouring of love, written to Christian
women, but with a cry for help to Christian men to step
into their appointed God-given leadership roles. Having
personally experienced the change and improvement
in our marriage after painstakingly focusing on my
relationship with Christ and examining His example of
how to love my wife, I can say confidently that this book is
life-changing. I wrote the men’s study located in the back
15
Foreword
of the book as a small companion to the main text to keep things simple and
encourage men to participate in the growth that Christ wants—and has always
intended—for their marriage.
Joan and I read through all the scriptures in each section and applied them to
the best of our abilities. In addition, we did all the exercises working through
every detail of our marriage first to stand as successful examples to others and
proclaim the good news of hope in Christ to all those couples wanting and
expecting more out of their relationship. “As Christ loves the Church” says it
all about the example that men should follow to love their wives. It’s been my
incredible honor and delight, even if not always easy, to go through this journey
with Joan to discover Christ’s love for His bride, the Church. We, as husbands,
can use His example to learn more about ourselves, our roles, and our marriages
so that our families can be blessed and make a positive, lasting impact on others
around us.
In the pages ahead, you will discover biblical truths that can forever change your
eternal perspective, heal wounds of the past, and reset your mind individually
and as a couple to help you fulfill your role as an ambassador for Christ’s kingdom.
I pray that your marriage will flourish as a result and “May the Lord richly bless
both you and your children.” (Psalm 115:14, TLB)
Brian Dunnam,
Ambassador for Christ, Husband, Father, CTO
16
How to Use
This Book
I
f you feel you are in a crisis in your marriage and are deeply hurt or in danger
to yourself or others and need immediate help, please call a trusted family
member, friend, pastor, or local authorities. If you need a lifeline of information and
wisdom for your marriage, please skip to Section 3, Weeks 4-5. But STOP before you
do and pause for one second. God pressed on my heart to share two things with
you as I write this. First, please keep in mind that most husbands and wives do not
have a clue what they are saying or doing to hurt you. They don’t have the whole
picture and are acting out from a past, cultural, or societal perspective, as are we.
Rest assured, He sees it all and wants to take over. Honestly, we need Him to, and
it can begin today if you allow Him. Second, remember there is always hope. I have
and am praying for you every day. I believe in your marriage in Christ. Believe it or
not, He loves you both equally, despite your failings, and has led you here with great
joy and purpose in all of your pain to bring you into green pastures and restore your
souls (Psalm 23:2-3, Romans 2:11).
Design of the Book
The As Christ Loves the Church book is designed primarily for women and includes
a men’s component and an opportunity for a brief collaboration during the week if
he chooses. My husband, Brian, has personally designed much of the men’s study in
the back of the book. Believe me, we have gone through it by fire to test its potency.
AS C H R I ST LOV E S T H E C H U RC H
17
H o w to U se T his B oo k
The good news is that it works. Just so you know and are aware, growth is not linear.
It can be two steps forward, and one step back with ups and downs, but the truth
in this book alone can open up dialogue and transform your marriage through the
power of the Holy Spirit.
Purpose of the Book
As we all lead busy lives and have difficulty carving out time during the week,
this book for Christian marriages is intended to be worked on privately and
conveniently at home or on the go for one or two hours a week for five weeks with
a doable 30-minute men’s study. My joy is to awaken women to the truth of how
precious and valuable they are at this very moment to Christ as His Bride and to
their husbands (even though they may not know it yet). This book is not only a step
toward understanding how Christ loves the Church but a step toward your restoration
individually and as a couple (or future couple). Ultimately this book is intended to be a
part of making His Bride ready for His return (Ephesians 5:27, Revelation 19:27).
How It Works
This is a five-week book with three sections. The first section includes Week 1 and,
as it implies, takes one week. The second section should take two weeks, named
Weeks 2-3. Weeks 4-5, the third and last section, is also intended to be a two-week
study. The two-week periods in sections 2 and 3 are designed to be worked on at
your own pace.
The weeks will reveal three main points: you and your spouse’s royal identity as a
woman or man in Christ, specifically how Christ loves His Church as an example
for marriages, and how to apply this information personally to our own lives and
marital relationships. The activities are intended to help you engage with the content,
including reading passages, circling keywords in scriptures, completing fill-in-theblank exercises, and answering personal questions that may be discussed with
your spouse. Overall, it combines a book, Bible study, and workbook that includes
counseling-like activities designed to give you an overall starting point toward an
extraordinary Christian marriage.
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AS C H R I ST LOV E S T H E C H U RC H
Welcome
“Husbands, love your wives, [seek the highest good for her and surround her
with a caring, unselfish love], just also as Christ loved the Church and gave
Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify the church, having cleansed her
by the washing of water with the word [of God], so that [in turn] He might
present the church to Himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or
any such thing; but that she would be holy [set apart for God] and blameless.”
(Ephesians 5:25–27, AMP)
H
e is passionate for His Church. Not only the collective Church but you, yes you,
specifically. You are the Church as an individual. Even if you were the only one
on earth, I can imagine He would have died just for you. The day you were born, it was
love at first sight. In fact, His love for you was established before the foundation of the
world when you were chosen in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes (Ephesians 1:4). He has watched over you every single day with nothing but complete love
in His heart. Even now, His eyes are on you. He sings over you and delights in all your
ways. He created you and sees your beauty, heart, desires, hopes, and dreams. You
may not realize this right now, but His love for you is complete without lack. Nothing,
and I mean nothing, is cracked, broken, or missing in your heart. No matter how other
people treat or may have treated you or how you see yourself, from the beginning,
AS C H R I ST LOV E S T H E C H U RC H
19
you were chosen, and your heart was made complete in His love. Our minds need
to be renewed to this eternal truth. Once this is fully understood, it will become the
foundation of your life. Everything from your sense of self to your relationship with
Christ and others, including your spouse, flows from this one truth. That is why He
said to abide in or accept His perfect love and then guard it, for it is the wellspring
of life. Human love cannot fill what our hearts cry out for. Every morning, remember
His love that has been poured into your heart through the Holy Spirit until it permeates your whole being and overflows with such passion, joy, and peace that you
will not be able to contain it. And as a result, you will know undoubtedly that out of
faith, hope, and love, the greatest of these is love (Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 37:23, Psalm
121:5-8, Psalm 139:13-18, Proverbs 4:23, Zephaniah 3:17, Hebrews 1;3, Hebrews 10:10,
Romans 8:29-30, Ephesians 1:11, Ephesians 1:4-5, 1 Peter 2:9, John 15:9, Ephesians 1:4,
Romans 12:2, 1 John 4:12, 1 Corinthians 3:11, 1 Corinthians 13:13).
As you go through this book, you will begin to awaken to your true identity as His
Bride and royal position in Christ, be aware of His intense and deep love for you, and
have hope for a marriage that is out of this world! His love for you and His Church
is the example. Learning these truths is the beginning of the end of the enemy’s
deception that you cannot be loved the way you need to be and, as a result, are
destined for mediocrity and emptiness. No matter what you have been through, we
will begin today to open up and see into Christ’s heart for you and the Church to live
daily in it fully and completely. His perfect, everlasting, and passionate love is waiting
for you!
There are three parts to this study.
• In Week 1, we will learn about our true royal identities and position in the Kingdom.
• In Weeks 2-3, we will learn how Christ loves His Church and begin to recognize,
in detail, His love for you.
• In Weeks 4-5, our focus will turn to our current or future earthly marriage and its
vital purpose and amazing potential.
The marriage supper of the Lamb is soon, and His royal Bride is being made ready.
He cannot wait to present you radiantly filled with His eternal love!
Let’s Begin.
In His love,
Joan
20
AS C H R I ST LOV E S T H E C H U RC H
“
Section 1 | Week 1
Royal Sons, Daughters,
and Bride
Our True Spousal Identities as Heirs and
Co-Heirs in the Kingdom
L
adies, we have been lied to, but take heart,
who you and your spouse truly are in Christ
is about to be exposed and revealed. Society has
deceived us by marketing to us in overdrive the
superficial and material in the name of beauty, love,
and acceptance. Labels and culture have misdefined us. We can be negatively labeled as being
“too emotional,” “crazy,” “naggy,” “needy,” “ball and
chain,” or “complicated,” to name a few. In general,
history has not been kind to us. Throughout the
ages and globally, most women were considered
(Song of Songs 7:5, TPT)
less than and left vulnerable to dominating men
who abused their power. As we wrestle not against
flesh and blood, the enemy is behind this negative persona of women and has degraded us and
falsely spoken into the ears of men and women alike. Here is the absolute truth,
you are made like God. Yes, male and female are a part of His Image, as the Word
says. But in particular, as a female, your inclination to nurture others along with your
emotional capacity, depth, warmth, and compassion are like God. In fact, you are so
special that you were made for His pleasure and are a gift from God to Jesus and
your husband or future husband (John 17:24, Revelation 4:11).
“
Redeeming
love crowns you
as royalty.
AS C H R I ST LOV E S T H E C H U RC H
”
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S ectio n 1 | Wee k 1
You are a royal daughter of the Most High and part of the bride of Christ. Your identity,
per se, is stamped in His blood. You are part of a royal family and part of an eternal
kingdom in Heaven that is actually in you right now. You are an heir of God and a
co-heir with King Jesus ruling and reigning with Him in heavenly realms even at this
very moment. It is time to awaken from the enemy’s deep sleep. He cleverly tries to
steer you away from what is unseen and the reality of His kingdom, which is more real
than what is seen with our physical eyes, what you think of yourself, or how others
view and treat you.
Brides, you are on a life-changing and powerful journey into your true identity and
royal destiny. Learning how Christ loves the Church and personally experiencing it
fully will dispel the lies the enemy has crafted and is using to entrap you in a life other
than the fully abundant one God has for you (John 10:10). In fact, as you read this
book, your understanding of just how much Christ loves you may genuinely surprise
you. In addition, your view of what marriage is may completely change. Your marriage
may take on a whole new life to what it was intended. Through Christ, you will step
into the palace and claim your royal position as His Bride. Actually, someday soon,
you are about to walk down the aisle at your royal wedding to the King of kings and
Lord of lords filled with joy and never ever look back.
Know this
Heaven is a royal place, and the Bible describes it throughout Scripture. The Father is
on the throne, and Jesus is at His right hand. Angels surround the throne and praise
Him day and night. His glory lights up all of Heaven. The train of His royal robe fills up
the temple, and His garments are fragrant with myrrh, aloes, and cassia scents. He
wears a crown and holds a scepter. In His ivory inlaid palace is lovely music being
played just for His good pleasure. He rules and reigns and gives commands to the
angels on our behalf continuously. He came down from Heaven to save us. He rose
to sit and rest at the Father’s right hand. He asked the Father to send the Holy Spirit to
be in us to seal, guide, teach, and help us. The Holy Spirit in us is the Kingdom itself.
In fact, as He is, so are we in this world. We are the Father’s children now and Christ’s
bride and ambassadors on earth, spreading the Good News and being made ready
for His return where we will meet Him in the clouds and be whisked away to the royal
wedding to be with Him forever.
Pause and Reflect
24
AS C H R I ST LOV E S T H E C H U RC H
S ectio n 1 | Wee k 1
Let’s Pray
Father, as we begin this five week-study on who we are in Christ and how much He
loves His Bride and each of us individually, by Your grace, we humbly ask for Your
wisdom to pour out upon us. With open eyes and hearts, pierce through to the marrow
of our bones and restore us by Your love and mercy so that we may live worthy of our
royal calling individually and in marriage as examples of Christ and the beautiful union
of Him and His glorious Church. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Did you know?
1.
Yes
No
You are a daughter of God and part of His royal family? (Romans 8:16, 2
Corinthians 6:18, 1 Peter 2:9)
2.
You are chosen by the Father as a gift to Jesus? (John 6:37, John 17:24)
3.
You are part of the bride of Christ? (2 Corinthians 11:2, Revelation 19:7–9)
4.
The Holy Spirit within you is like an engagement ring given to you as a seal of
the upcoming marriage between Christ and His Church? (2 Corinthians 1:21–22,
2 Corinthians 5:5, Ephesians 1:13–14, Ephesians 4:30)
5.
You are a royal ambassador on earth representing Christ and appealing
to others for God? (Acts 1:8, 1 Thessalonians 2:4, Matthew 10:16, 2 Cor 5:20,
Ephesians 5:20)
6.
Christ and the kingdom of God, in all its power and glory, is in you right now?
(Luke 17:21, 1 John 4:4)
7.
You are currently seated in heavenly realms ruling and reigning with Christ?
(Ephesians 2:6)
8.
A wedding banquet will be held in heaven for believers and Christ? (Revelation
19:7–10)
9.
You are His masterpiece and made for His good pleasure? (Ephesians 2:10,
Revelation 4:11)
10. Your earthly marriage is a royal calling and an example of how Christ loves His
Church and gave Himself up for her? (Ephesians 5:25)
AS C H R I ST LOV E S T H E C H U RC H
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S ectio n 1 | Wee k 1
This polling exercise is designed to open our minds to the truth of our current and
eternal royal identity. Even if you haven’t embraced these truths yet, the goal is to
begin to see ourselves as God sees us in Christ. In addition, it will shift our perspective
toward our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ as fellow royal heirs. This includes our
husbands in Christ to see our kingdom-centered royal identities daily.
Why are our royal identities important to our relationship with Christ and our earthly
marriage? Firmly knowing who we are changes our hearts and, subsequently, every
thought and action we take. As a result, the truth of our limitless worth, eternal value,
and vital purpose in Christ, as both individuals and as husband and wife as one
flesh, will emerge into something potent to achieve God’s purposes for Christ and
His kingdom. The marital relationship is the example of the most loving act of all
time, how Christ loves His Church and gave Himself up for her. It is also a testament
to future believers and to show the love of Christ, who died for the whole world.
“
Why are our royal identities important
to our relationship with Christ
and our earthly marriage?
26
”
AS C H R I ST LOV E S T H E C H U RC H
S ectio n 1 | Wee k 1
Therefore, I believe marriage is one of, if not the most, important institutions created
by God on earth. It honors His Son and the love He showed us through His sacrifice
while we were still sinners. Our Christian marriages should be a priority to each
spouse in honor of Him and His sacrifice alone.
KNOW
UNDERSTAND
LIVE OUT
Royal Spousal Identities
Christ and His Bride
Earthly Christian Marriage
Known and Chosen in Christ
Fully Loved and Died for
God-joined Union
Complete Forgiveness by Faith
Betrothed
An Example of Christ and the
through the Cross
Royal Status Bestowed
Cleansed and Holy Within
Intimate and Personal
Church
Collective Royal Calling
Full Access to Throne
Relationship
Peaceful and Purposeful
Love Yourself (His Masterpiece)
Meets all Needs
Made for Enjoyment and
Love and Forgive Others
Submission to Christ
Ambassadors for Christ on
Active Sanctification Process
Mission
Future Royal Wedding
Heir of God and Co-Heirs of
Adventure
Procreation Purposes
Accepting Sanctifying
Differences
Christ
?
If this is the first time you have heard that you are a chosen royal member of God’s
family and betrothed bride of King Jesus, what thoughts and/or feelings are coming up
for you?
How does knowing you are a current and eternal royal heir of God and co-heir with Christ
begin to change how you see yourself? How you view your husband (future husband)?
How you view other believers?
What does this bestowed title of heir/co-heir mean practically to you on a daily basis?
How about as a couple, in your other relationships, or towards a dying world?
AS C H R I ST LOV E S T H E C H U RC H
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S ectio n 1 | Wee k 1
Scriptural Truths
Seated in heavenly realms
Circle all the words in the following scriptures that speak about your royal position
in Christ.
“And He raised us up together with Him [when we believed], and seated us with Him in
the heavenly places, [because we are] in Christ Jesus.” Ephesians 2:6, AMP
“Then Samuel explained to the people the behavior of royalty, and wrote it in a book
and laid it up before the LORD.” 1 Samuel 10:25, NKJV
“I could have chosen any from among the vast multitude of royal ones who follow me.”
Song of Songs 6:8, TPT
“Redeeming love crowns you as royalty. Your thoughts are full of life, wisdom, and
virtue. Even a king is held captive by your beauty.” Song of Songs 7:5, TPT
“You will also be a crown of beauty in the hand of the LORD, And a royal diadem in the
hand of your God.” Isaiah 62:3, NASB
“Thus you were adorned with gold and silver, and your clothing was of fine linen, silk,
and embroidered cloth. You ate pastry of fine flour, honey, and oil. You were exceedingly
beautiful, and succeeded to royalty.” Ezekiel 16:13, NKJV
“As for the saints (godly people) who are in the land, They are the majestic and the
noble and the excellent ones in whom is all my delight.” Psalm 16:3, AMP
“The King’s daughter is all glorious within her; her clothing is wrought of gold.” Psalm
45:13, NASB
“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation. God’s special
possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness
into his wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9, NIV
“...who redeems your life from the Pit and crowns you with loving devotion and
compassion,...” Psalm 103:4, NIV
“You made them rulers over the works of your hands; you put everything under their
feet;“ Psalm 8:6, NIV
“Your sons will someday be kings like their father. They shall sit on the thrones around
the world!” Psalm 45:16, TLB
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“Yet for a little while you made them a little lower than the angels and crowned them
with glory and honor.” Hebrews 2:7, TLB
“Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when has stood the test he
will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.” James
1:12, ESV
“If, however, you are fulfilling the royal law according to Scripture, “You shall love your
neighbor as yourself”, you are doing well.” James 2:8, ESV
“By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of
judgement, because as He is so are we in this world.” 1 John 4:17, ESV
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right,
whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or
praiseworthy-think about such things.” Philippians 4:8, NIV
“As a prisoner of the Lord, I plead with you to walk holy, in a way that is suitable to your
high rank, given to you in your divine calling.” Ephesians 4:1, TPT
Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the
righteous judge, will award to me on that day, and not only to me but also to all who
have loved his appearing.” 2 Timothy 4:8, ESV
“And when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory.”
1 Peter 5:4, CSB
“I am coming soon. Hold fast what you have, so that no one may seize your crown.”
Revelation 3:11, ESV
“The twenty-four elders fall down before him who is seated on the throne and worship
him who lives forever and ever. They cast their crowns before the throne, saying “Worthy
are you, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all
things, and by your will they existed and were created.” Revelation 4:10–11, NIV
?
Which scripture most confirms your royal status? Why?
Which scripture increased your sense of worth in the Kingdom?
Are there some blocks to living in the truth of your royal status (i.e., past, guilt, shame)?
How can you let go of what Christ has already cleansed you from and made you His royal
co-heir through His atoning sacrifice?
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Becoming Royal
No Longer a Slave to the Enemy
Pause for a few seconds. Be still in His presence. Now, take a deep breath and go
with me into your imagination of what may have occurred on that day you gave
your life to Him and became His royal Bride. This was the moment you believed
in Christ and His sacrifice as a complete atonement of all of your past, present, and
future sin. It was the moment you were immediately and supernaturally cleansed as
you stepped out of the enslavement of Satan to become Christ’s royal Bride.
Five years ago, Brian, the boys, and I visited Charleston, South Carolina. And since
it was our first time in the city, we decided to take the horse and carriage tour to
get up close and personal with the city sites. The tour guide relayed the history of
specific landmarks as we passed them. Eventually, we came to the Old Slave Mart.
Charleston was one of the major assembling and selling pivot points of foreign and
domestic slaves in the South. The Old Slave Mart was the slave auction site part of a
larger compound that included a yard. As we slowly trotted past the Mart, I instantly
had a vision of what it may have looked like during an auction, whether inside or
outside. I can only imagine how horrifying it must have been for the countless people
who were taken from their families and auctioned off as goods.
Then my thoughts darted to what it must be like for mankind before coming to
freedom in Christ—slaves to Satan on the auction block out on that field. I was moved
to grief over the many unbelievers who still do not realize the reality of the unseen
world and their ownership by Satan. The passion and depth of God’s love and saving
grace for you and I and His Church poured out over me.
Following are the details of the vision I had that day in the carriage depicting the
moment we became His royal Bride forever. Imagine your captivity before Jesus
saved you as you read.
Do you remember that day?
It was a gray and misty morning. You stood there in chains. You were wet, cold,
naked, hungry, thirsty, lost, dirty, sad, alone, and downright pitiful. A sheep without
a Shepherd set up for slaughter. You didn’t see Him, but Jesus was there standing
there amongst the demonic slave owners who were salivating at the thought of
purchasing you. You began to shake as fear gripped your heart, and you wondered
who would control and abuse you. The bidder started with a low price, and many
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raised their hands. The price was rising, and they argued back and forth for you to be
their slave. At just the last second, just before the mallet slammed down to finalize
the purchase, He, Christ the King, raised His pierced hand and offered the Cross,
which is the highest price that no one else could beat. He yelled out above the noise
of the crowd, “I want her, and I gave Myself as the price. My blood paid for her in full.”
Knowing who Jesus was and what He had done for the sake of sinners such as you,
the cunning and slimy bidder bowed his head in defeat. Without hesitation, Christ
ran up to the old, worn platform with loving eyes, ripped off the rusty chains around
your neck, wrists, and ankles, and grabbed you in His arms as He wrapped His royal
robe around you.
Then, turning to run from this horrible place, He led you to safety as you both bumped
into the stunned, evil crowd. Seeing your weariness, He whispered, “No longer will
you be mistreated. You belong to Me. You are Mine forever. My bride for eternity.” An
overwhelming relief and peace like you never knew before surged throughout your
whole being. “I bore the beatings for you. Don’t worry, my love. My yoke is easy, and
the burdens under My power are light. I am Love and Light; there is no darkness in
Me. You will learn to be like Me, live with Me, and be free with Me, both now and in
My Kingdom. We will marry someday soon and hold a wedding feast in our honor,
My betrothed. Our Father gave you to Me and is preparing a place just for you. Just so
you know, you are the love of My life. My perfect love will banish all your fears. Your
shame and guilt are wiped clean, and you are made whole and complete. You are
protected now. No one can snatch you out of my Hands. Hold tight to Me, my love;
we are almost Home.”
Pause and Reflect.
Personal Impact
One afternoon, I walked into a thrift store that just so happened to be conveniently
located next to a grocery store I go to regularly. My mother-in-law had just moved
down to Florida from Georgia and needed a sewing table. As I walked by on the way
to the grocery store, I saw a table in the window that could hold the weight of her
sewing machine and fit nicely in her new home. I had to take a look, and as I entered,
I was immediately drawn to their used book collection. There among the many used
books piled up in worn cardboard boxes was one entitled The Supernatural Ways of
Royalty: Discovering Your Rights and Privileges of being a Son or Daughter of God by
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Kris Vallotton and Bill Johnson. I was taken by the title of being supernaturally royal
and decided to buy it. I didn’t realize it then, but God was about to use that book to
change me forever.
Amazingly, that old and tattered book succinctly described the royal status bestowed
upon me through faith in Jesus and His finished work on the Cross, where I have
everything unto life and godliness according to His riches in glory. Even though I may
have heard that I was an heir of God, co-heir with Christ, and ambassador for Christ
before reading the Bible or hearing a sermon, that book said it in such a way that
woke me up to the actual reality and significance of my royal identity.
In addition, I saw myself for the first time as Christ’s betrothed—a bride being made
ready to meet her husband. As I began to read the book at home, every unspoken
insecurity, unseen residual bits of brokenness from my past, and any shred of low
self-esteem vanished instantaneously. I finally saw who I had always been, even as a
child. I am a chosen royal daughter of God Almighty and a member of the royal family
of Heaven. And not only that, I am engaged to royalty, King Jesus, with my heart
retroactively and proactively complete in Him.
Pause and Reflect.
Slave to Satan or Royal Bride of Christ
Rewire Your Thinking
Please read and do the following exercise.
Our thoughts don’t always align with who we are in Christ. Ahead are two boxes of
some of the characteristics or attributes of being a slave to Satan versus your true
identity as His royal Bride.
In the first box, circle the words that may be keeping you in bondage or controlling
your thought life (including thoughts about you, your husband, or others) with a
slave-to-Satan mentality (Acts 26:18). Note that these characteristics may pop up
in your everyday life, but if they are continuous, controlling, or debilitating, then you
may need to consider whatever strategy or tactic the enemy is using to keep you in
bondage to something from which you have already been freed.
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In the second box, put a star by the attributes of your true self that impact you the
most as His royal Bride. Consider speaking a few or all of these royal attributes out
loud daily, beginning with “I am...”. If any other characteristics come to mind in either
box, please write them in the box or margin.
This final exercise sets the stage for next week as we enter the palace as His royal
Bride and bask in His detailed and complete love for His Church and us. He cannot
wait!
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Characteristics of being a Slave to Satan
Feels Unloved
Defensive
Lack-minded
Fake
Negative
False pride
Feels Worthless
Loner
Holds grudges
False humility
Love-deficient
Feels dirty
Gossips
People pleaser
Lazy
Narcissistic
Covets
Co-dependent
Disheveled
Power-hungry
Compares
Feels unforgiven
Chaotic
Stagnant
Discontented
Demanding
Angry
Hard-hearted
Overbearing
Shameful
Reactionary
Seeks own will
Argumentative
Jealous
Frustrated
Need to be right
Guilt-ridden
Stuck in the past
Dominating
Glutton
Purposeless
Characteristics of being a Royal Bride of Christ
Noble
Kind
Blessed
Fully Loved
Accepts Christ’s
forgiveness
Peaceful
Generous
Favored
Servant
Forgives others
Unique
Faith-filled
Rules and Reigns
Wise
Content
Prayerful
Patient
Knowledgeable
Satisfied
Special
Acknowledged
Seated in
heavenly realms
Truthful
Freedom
Honored
Peaceful
Chosen
Acceptance
Flourishing
Pursued by Christ
Masterpiece
Cherished
Yielding to Holy
Spirit
Laughs
Complete Heart
Gifted
Cheerful
Responsive
Adored
Thoughtful
Classy
Keeps Healthy
Boundaries
Encourages
Calm
Ambassador
Gracious
Empowers others
Confident
Faithful
Nurtured
Safe
Seeks His Will
Growth-oriented
Powerful
Seen
Protected
Abundant
Tries
Heir of God
Magnificent
Full of Life
Sung over
Fearless
Purposeful
Humble
Christ-like
Co-Heir with
Christ
Worthy
Eternal
Positive
Valued
Dignified
Overcomer
Feels clean
Royal-minded
Victorious
Personally close
to Christ
Joyful
Aristocratic
Prince/Princess
Known
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Just Believe
Quantum Physics
My husband is an executive at a tech company. His undergraduate degree is in
Electrical Engineering, and he attended the master’s program in Robotics at the
Georgia Institute of Technology. Clearly, he is a science and math guru. Me, not so
much. I am more of a creative type, but his work and the subject matter he studies
interest me. I just need him to explain things in simple terms, and even then, I may or
may not get it. However, we meet in the middle with a love of research and analysis
and discuss what’s up and coming in the fast-paced world of tech, seeing it in light
of theology. We both love seeing how as knowledge increases, science continues
to prove that Scripture is correct again and again, which strengthens the message of
Christ even more so.
Quantum physics is a hot topic in the science world that we talk about regularly,
trying to understand it. In particular, there is an area of Quantum Physics called the
“observer effect.”1 Essentially, the observer effect is just another term for faith.2 It
suggests that what you observe or focus on will appear and become a reality.3
I know it may sound like it, but I assure you this is not some new-age teaching; Christ
has said this repeatedly in His Word, as evidenced in the scriptures below. Yes, He
said it first before Max Planck, considered to be one who founded this scientific
breakthrough of Quantum Theory.4
“And Jesus said to him, “If you can’! All things are possible for one who believes.” (Mark
9:23, ESV)
“By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that
what is seen was not made out of things that are visible.” (Hebrews 11: 3, ESV)
“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not
see.” (Hebrews 11:1, NIV)
“Have faith in God,” Jesus said to them. “Truly I tell you that if anyone says to this
mountain, “Be lifted up and thrown into the sea,” and has no doubt in his heart but
believes that it will happen, it will be done for him.” (Mark 11:22–23, BSB)
“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it,
and it will be yours.” (Mark 11:24, NIV)
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“Overhearing what they said, Jesus told him, “Don’t be afraid; just believe.” (Mark 5:36,
NIV)
“Jesus told them, “This is the only work God wants from you; Believe in the one he
has sent.” (John 6:29, NLT)
“If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” (Matthew 21:22, NIV)
Each of these scriptures connects to the science of the observer effect. This section
shows that the science world or unbelievers operate in the quantum system,
exhibiting faith (albeit not salvation).
We must open our spiritual eyes to the reality of the system of faith God created.
This will help us think and believe as the royal child of God and bride of Christ that
we are. If we ask according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us
–whatever we ask- we know that we have what we asked of him (1 John 5:14–15, NIV).
If unbelievers can have things in the natural, how much more will He give freely to
His children when they ask and believe in His gracious hand’s supernatural goodness
and providence (Matthew 7:9–11)?
Name three royal characteristics of yourself you can believe you have right now with
your whole heart and mind by faith and write them below.
Royal Spouses and Servants
True Humility at Work
“Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come
from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer
clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a
basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was
wrapped around him.” (John 13:3–6, NIV)
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In this passage, Jesus knew He was going to depart soon back to the Father, but He
also acknowledged His authority as King over all things seen and unseen. After He
stated this truth, a conjunction of so appears that leads to Him washing His disciples’
feet. This connection of royalty to service is key. The purpose of knowing your royal
identity is to understand your true self and worth in Christ and, from that position,
serve unconditionally without needing anything in return. It is so you know who and
whose you are in the Kingdom first to serve like Christ—in genuine kindness and true
humbleness. It is a calm, complete, and confident inner man who can serve as Christ
did, whether inside or outside the home.
Knowing you are already forgiven and complete because of His sacrifice and because
you are a royal heir of the Kingdom by faith alone brings you into true humility like
that of Christ. Sometimes when Christians serve, they can do it out of an empty need
within themselves. For example, some Christians can serve to be seen (false pride)
or diminish themselves (false humility) to earn His favor or others, which comes from
a lack of understanding of the finished work of the Cross and the completeness of
Christ’s love poured out in their hearts through the Holy Spirit. (See Section 2 for
more information about this state of being.) Being royal in Christ is not thinking more
of yourself. It’s a bestowed state of being that maintains a regal mindset with an
authentic posture of service that humbly loves and serves others from a heart God
crafted within you through His unconditional agape love.
As such, having the mindset of a royal spouse should change how we relate to and
serve each other in our marriages, both privately and publicly. The enemy knows
that if he can block the truth of our royal status and completeness in Christ, he can
distract us by focusing on self-esteem issues we might have that are rooted in a
tumultuous past or lack of information about Christ and His completed work. Rather
than being in an unbalanced marital relationship where one spouse can be dominant
and the other passive, this foundational and eternal truth of who we are in Christ can
bring a state of equilibrium to a marriage that brings honor, respect, and genuine
enjoyment in each other’s presence. As we follow Christ in true humility, we will serve
each other in marriage, our families, the Church, and a dying world in need of a Savior
walking in a manner worthy of our calling (Ephesians 4:1, 1 Peter 3:7).
Pause and Reflect.
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Adoption and Marriage
Stepping into the Palace
The Father’s Children
When we believed in Christ as our Lord and Savior and gave our lives to Him, we
instantaneously became a son or daughter of the Most High. We were adopted
and entered into the highest royal class. “God decided in advance to adopt us
into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he
wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure” (Ephesians 1:5, NLT). Furthermore,
God says in His Word, “The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that
you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption
to sonship. And by him we cry Abba, Father. The Spirit himself testifies with our
spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs-heirs of
God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we
may share in his glory” (Romans 8:15–17 NIV). Each day, we are becoming more
and more like Christ. It can be a long and challenging journey, but we will all be
made ready to enjoy our Father God, our Bridegroom, King Jesus, and our royal
family of believers forever.
The Bride of Christ
When Christ returns to retrieve His Bride, which includes all believers, she will be
made ready for marriage (one in Him). He is the Bridegroom, and we are the bride
of Christ. This signifies a very personal and intimate relationship from the heart,
like a relationship between a husband and wife (Genesis 4:1, Luke 1:34). Song of
Songs 3 describes the king, representing our Bridegroom-King Jesus, on the way
to His wedding in a carriage sprinkled with crimson and covered with love and
mercy. It says this is the day filled with overwhelming joy- the day of his great
gladness (TPT). The marriage supper of the Lamb is soon, and those who attend
will be clothed in His righteousness alone and made ready to enjoy Him face to
face forever (Matthew 22:12–14).
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Royal Ambassadors for Christ
On Mission Together
“So we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making His appeal through
us; we [as Christ’s representatives] plead with you on behalf of Christ to be reconciled
to God.” 2 Corinthians 5:20, AMP
An embassy is where representatives or ambassadors from other countries serve in
a country foreign to their own. Embassies are located primarily in the capital city of
a country, with additional locations or consulates established in surrounding cities.5
The ambassador has a high rank and therefore has certain powers and privileges
given by the home country.
Likewise, believers are ambassadors of Heaven in this foreign world. According to
Ephesians 2:6, we are seated with Christ in heavenly realms. As such, we hold a highranking position, being given certain powers and privileges to fulfill an evangelistic
mission on behalf of Heaven and for the benefit of those in a “foreign” country.
Accordingly, this is not a position to be taken lightly. It’s a serious position of royalty.
Christ’s name is to be represented well at all costs.
There are many outward ways to look and act like a royal ambassador. Many people
may not know the rules and customs behind the palace or governmental walls on
earth. Strict external manners and etiquette are learned and employed when visiting
other lands. Still, in the kingdom of Heaven, outward appearances (which, yes, are
important) are secondary to the condition of the heart. So how should we look and
act on earth as His royal ambassador? Let’s read about how to step into this royal
heavenly ambassador role.
Be Attractive from the Heart
We all know how attractive the fruit of the Spirit is. Character traits such as
kindness, goodness, love, gentleness, and faithfulness are a testimony to the
world of the inner beauty and majesty of Christ. Paul says in Ephesians 5:15–16,
“So be careful how you act; these are difficult days. Don’t be fools; be wise: make
the most of every opportunity you have for doing good” (TLB). Even when earthly
royals, like the future queen of England, Kate Middleton, connect with outsiders,
she is seen as caring, compassionate, and self-controlled. People viewing her in
person and globally on camera consistently state that they are in awe of her regal
poise and loving heart. Like Kate Middleton represents the Monarchy of the United
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Kingdom, we must also be intentional about representing the Kingdom of God.
Believing in and acting upon the bride of Christ’s attributes listed in the previous
exercise helps us walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the
time (Colossians 4:5).
Be Outwardly Attractive
I am cautious about putting too much emphasis on outward appearances as the
Word is clear that outward appearances do not compare to the heart (1 Samuel 16:7).
For example, God considers a woman with a quiet and gentle spirit very precious in
His sight (1 Peter 3:4). However, a physical appearance kept up, no matter your age, is
another way to represent His Kingdom well. (1 Corinthians 6:19–20).
Even though the flesh cannot enter the Kingdom, He will raise us up and transform
our current bodies on the last day (John 6:40). Your temple was bought at a high
price, and we are to honor God with our bodies. The upkeep of our physical bodies
is a royal characteristic of believers (1 Corinthians 3:16–17, 1 Corinthians 6:19–20,
1 Timothy 2:9, 1 Timothy 4:8, 3 John 1:2, and Ephesians 5:29). Royals dress modestly
with others in mind, not solely for themselves (Romans 14:13). As His representatives,
we must consider eating healthy and exercising, dressing appropriately, and keeping
our homes clean and hospitable. Ultimately, we must be mindful of representing His
Name to the best of our abilities, both inwardly and outwardly.
Royalty Overview
Earthly Rulers
The Definition of Royal
Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines royal as being of kingly ancestry and part of
a royal family.6 The word “royal” is used in 1 Peter 2:9 to say, “But you are a chosen
people, a royal priesthood…” (NIV) and is further defined in Strong’s Hebrew dictionary
4467 as “kingly and regal.”7 In the original Greek, it is used as an adjective, basileios,
which is connected to palaces and a body of kings. Interestingly, in Greek, it is used
to mark a “body of kings”.8 This could possibly relate to the countless number of
believers that will be kings. Notice my emphasis on the small “k,” as noted in the
passage under the Sovereign rule of our One and Only King, Jesus.
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Royalty vs. Nobility
“In My Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I
am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I
will come back and welcome you into My presence, so that you also may be where
I am.” (John 14:2–3, BSB)
There is a distinct difference between being considered royalty versus nobility.
Royalty means you are a member of the royal family. Titles of the royal family include
king, queen, prince, and princess. While considered aristocratic and of high social
class like royalty, the nobility is outside the tight-knit royal family. Like being royal, the
nobility is generally hereditarily passed down through generations, including such
titles as duke, duchess, earls, countesses, barons, and baronesses.9
I am in awe that God has positioned us through Christ for eternity as part of His
immediate royal family. We are not just noble with all the privileges of the high society
and class; we are personally close to and loved as God’s family member, a royal
child forever who will enjoy eternal life with Him in His own house! What a complete
reversal of our status before being saved by Christ. We went from the lowest and
most pitiful slave position to the highest and most revered royal position in His family.
We will praise Christ forever for His unearned love and sacrifice to bring us home and
keep us close by His side as family for eternity.
Royalty on Earth
Historically, most countries were ruled under monarchial royal governance, and a
few still are to this day. The political system of a monarchy was set up so that a
supreme authority would oversee as head of state, obtaining their position primarily
hereditarily.10 Even though this style of government is apt to function in corruption
and even evil on earth, it is the style of rule and reign we can expect to experience
with perfection in Heaven.
It is also a monarchy because King Jesus rules and reigns over heaven and earth. In
Acts 4:24, He is called “Sovereign Lord,” meaning He made it all, is over all, and owns
it all. It is not a democracy in heaven. There is no voting. There are no checks and
balances. Yes, we rule and reign as co-heirs with Christ, but make no mistake, He is
the King. Our crowns will be laid at His feet. We will bow and praise His omniscience.
All will bow—even those in hell. We will worship and praise Him for eternity. Unlike
the kings and queens who have ruled and reigned on earth, He does so flawlessly.
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Divine Appointment
Many rulers with titles of royalty were primarily considered to be positioned by
divine appointment and under divine control, chosen to rule and reign by a higher
authority, and therefore not subject to any earthly power.11 The “Divine Right of Kings”
in European countries and the “Mandate of Heaven” in China are two examples of
legitimizing many absolute monarchies.12
Israel
Israel is, by far, the primary and most important historical monarchical system to
Christians because it birthed Christ our Savior through the lineage of King David. Before
King David, King Saul was the first monarch of Israel. Israel fell to the seen world of
kings and queens of the Middle East. They asked God for their own ruler to govern
them, thus neglecting their true King. 1 Samuel 8 records that judges appointed by God
were not enough to satisfy the people of Israel because they were never meant to be
ruled by man. And despite the corruption of Samuel’s sons as the judges that caused
them great disappointment (1 Samuel 8:4–5), their request for a human supreme ruler
did not please the Lord. As you read the text, you can imagine His heart breaking as
His children reject Him and His leadership, for He knew the consequences of being
reigned by the corrupted hearts of men with unbridled authority and control.
“And the LORD told him, ‘Listen to all that the people are saying to you; it is not you
they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king’” (1 Samuel 8:7 NIV). God
lays out the dangers of human rulers to His people. In verse 11, He continues, “This
is what the king who will reign over you will do: He will take your sons and make
them serve with his chariots and horses, and they will run in front of his chariots’ (NIV)
warning them of their usage for war. The Lord continued to alert them by saying they
would also take their daughters to work for them along with the best of fields and
flocks. God was trying to send a dire and clear message to His people and the world
that His sovereign rule is the only true, righteous, and loving kingship they needed
and that all other rulers would live for their own power, prestige, and possessions.
America
Despite America’s initial intention by the founding fathers to establish a country like
heaven on earth under the monarchy of Christ the King, it has lost its kingship over
time through a decaying government that has set in, albeit better than most. It is widely
known and believed from multiple accounts that one of the mottos of the Revolutionary
War was: “There is no king, but King Jesus!”13 Our founding fathers gave their lives to
get out from underneath the humanly corrupt monarchical system of England. We
celebrate their sacrifice and enjoy innumerable freedoms that those in other countries
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AS C H R I ST LOV E S T H E C H U RC H
S ectio n 1 | Wee k 1
without those same freedoms could only dream of. The patriots of yesterday and today
understood this truth, and we honor them and their service for it. We, who understand
what a privilege it is to have a nation built on biblical principles, still believe America is
worth fighting for, and many still hold up King Jesus as our Sovereign Ruler.
Royalty Today
Monarchies still exist today but are vastly reduced with limited power.14 The oldest
monarchy on earth that still exists is the Imperial House of Japan or Yamato dynasty,
established in 660 bc.15 Other monarchies still exist, including England, Denmark,
Sweden, Luxembourg, Monaco, Norway, and others in the Middle East and Asia.16
Surprisingly, China, with its well-known history of emperors and the infamous
forbidden city in Beijing, is no longer considered a monarchy. Emperor Puyi of the
Qing dynasty became the last emperor of China on February 12, 1912.17
Closing Point
As a believer in Christ, you have a royal title and role given by God now and for eternity.
Earthly titles such as wife, mother, sister, daughter, or in a career are secondary to
your standing in heaven. Believing and seeing yourself as God’s royal child, part of
the bride of Christ, and ambassador for Christ on earth is paramount to your daily
walk individually and married.
When we come to terms with this reality of what the Cross awarded us by faith,
we will see ourselves, our spouses, children, and fellow believers in Christ in a
completely different light. We will see each other as equals who are worthy, noble,
and on a sacred mission that dictates so much love and respect for each other. The
relationships around us become as they were intended: richer, more unified, and
exceedingly joyful in purpose and expectation of eternity together.
It doesn’t matter where you come from, how little or how much money you have,
what has happened to you in the past, or what you look or feel like, you are royalty
in Christ, and that should change your thinking and actions toward yourself, your
spouse, and others. Whether single, dating, or married, everything you once knew
is seen differently through this eternal royal lens, and it sets the stage to live as you
were meant to, which is humbly in His grace and confidently in power on mission on
behalf of His kingdom, living life to the full. (John 10:10).
Now, we can step into Weeks 2 and 3 and begin the process of submerging our royal
selves into His mind-blowing love. Let’s dive in!
AS C H R I ST LOV E S T H E C H U RC H
43
Section 2 | Weeks 2–3
Christ and His Bride,
the Church
A Marriage Made in Heaven
L
adies, we all long for the perfect marriage.
Implicit trust, unspoken understanding, deep
talks, fits of laughter, passionate intimacy, shared
commonalities, and spontaneous adventures
are just some of the joys of marriage. It is one of
life’s greatest gifts from the Lord (1 Timothy 4: 3).
However, we also know that attaining this kind
of marriage on this side of heaven can be challenging at times because no matter how much
our inner man grows, our outer flesh still requires
effort for improvement in both men and women
alike (2 Corinthians 4:16). There will be inevitable
disappointments, arguments, letdowns, and
mistakes to address and resolve throughout the
marriage continuously, but take heart, there is
such thing as a perfect marriage, and it’s better
than you could ever dream. It is the betrothal and
future marriage between Christ and His Church,
and it is the example for all marriages past, present,
and future. It is the most awe-inspiring marriage
that will ever exist. With all the attributes I noted
above, and all that we can think or even imagine,
this betrothal and future marriage is the ultimate
AS C H R I ST LOV E S T H E C H U RC H
“ ...there is such
a thing as a
perfect marriage,
and it's better than
you could ever
dream.
”
45
S ectio n 2 | Wee k s 2 – 3
connection our soul intensely longs for (Ephesians 3:20). There is no way to reach
the depths of this supernatural love affair. It is perfectly glorious and eternal. It is a
profoundly intimate and personal connection, both collectively and individually, with
the One and Only, Christ, our Lord and Savior. It is beyond our comprehension how
much the Bridegroom loves His Bride. This is a love that will cause pulses to rise,
heartbeats to speed up, and breaths to be taken away in the reality of this blissful
union (Song of Songs 2:5–6). This is beyond infatuation or romance. In the pages
ahead, you will learn about this supernatural love connection that will begin to grip
your heart and immerse you into a fog of heavenly bliss morning, noon, and night.
In your thoughts of what marriage is supposed to be, whatever you have longed
for, whatever you have pictured, and whatever you have craved, it’s all found in this
betrothal and future marital union with Christ. This is good news! This is what each
of us was created for, truly desires, and is being prepared for. As I write this, my
heart is about to explode at the thought of all of us eventually being complete in this
heavenly holy union.
Know this
Both men and women are the Bride because we are each part of His Church. The
Church has been given to Jesus from the Father, and a wedding feast will be held in
Heaven maybe sooner than we think. You were chosen to be married (one with Him)
for eternity like husband and wife are one flesh. Think about that for just a moment.
He foreknew you and predestined you to be with Him forever. His eye is always on
you (Psalm 33:13–14, Proverbs 15:3). He has a plan and purpose for you on earth as His
royal ambassador, but make no mistake, you and the Church are His Bride. Whether
you are single, dating, or married here on earth, you are first the bride of Christ. He
is the one that fills all your deepest needs and serves as the One and Only example
who can bring perspective and relief into your own or future marriage. As you start
to become more keenly aware of the depth of His love for you through this book, His
perfect love will become so satiating to your soul that you won’t be able to contain the
joy and peace from it. He says His perfect love will cast out all your fears (1 John 4:18).
No matter what marriage example you grew up seeing—whether you experienced a
dysfunctional one within your family of origin or your own imperfect marriage—you
are about to look into the heart of your Bridegroom and the perfect betrothal and
future marriage with Him, and you will never be or see marriage the same way again.
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Did you know?
1.
Yes
No
Christ sings over His Bride as she brings delight and joy to Him? (Zephaniah
3:17)
2.
Christ saw His Bride before suffering on the Cross, knowing the joy set before
Him? (John 17:24, Hebrews 12:2)
3.
Christ is your and the Church’s advocate before the Father and Satan? (1 John
2:1, Revelation 12:10)
4.
You are foreknown and chosen by the Father as a gift to Jesus? (Romans 8:29,
John 6:37, John 17:1–2, John 17:24)
5.
Jesus watches over His Church and always protects her by summoning the
angels on her behalf? (Psalm 91:11, Psalm 103:20, Hebrews 1:14)
6.
Jesus looks forward to you seeing His glory and being glorified with Him? (John
17:22–24)
7.
A wedding banquet will be held in heaven for Christ and His Church?
(Revelation 19:7–10)
8.
Through His great love, Christ left heaven, came to earth, and sacrificed
Himself for His Bride? (Ephesians 5:25)
9.
God has betrothed the Church to one husband as a chaste virgin bride to
Christ? (2 Corinthians 11:2)
10. Christ will return for His Bride to save her from the coming wrath? (Romans 5:9,
1 Thessalonians 5:9, 1 Corinthians 15:51–53)
This polling exercise was designed to present the precious truth of Jesus’ love for His
blood-bought Bride, which includes you. It also opens our eyes to see how meaningful
our relationship is with Jesus. The knowledge of our union with Christ in the language
of Bridegroom and Bride deepens our connection with Him. As our heavenly Groom,
He perfectly sacrificed, protects, advocates, nurtures, cherishes, serves, and more. As
you go through this book, I pray you have the power to comprehend His great love
for you that will forever change how you relate to Him and then your spouse. Both
AS C H R I ST LOV E S T H E C H U RC H
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S ectio n 2 | Wee k s 2 – 3
you and your spouse are complete and fully loved in Him to overflowing. And as your
cups overflow, you will love each other not from human love, but from His divine love
that will create an extraordinary marriage (Ephesians 3:18, Colossians 2:10, Psalm 23).
I urge you to pause and reflect on the statements above and not gloss over them.
Search the Scriptures to understand better that completion in Christ sheds your past
and catapults you into your future. You both are made to be new creations in Christ
Jesus. His sacrifice obliterated your sin—it is forgiven and forgotten. His blood is more
powerful than anything you could have ever done or will do. Today, as you read on, I
ask you to open your heart and bask in His limitless love. I pray you will begin to see
yourself (and your spouse) as He sees you. That you will begin to experience the
incomprehensible freedom in the love of our Savior. This may seem hard to imagine,
but it’s as simple as firmly believing in your cleansed state through the Cross, knowing
your royal status, and walking in His love daily. This section, I hope, will bring you into
His arms where His left hand cradles your head while His right hand holds you close
so you can be at rest in this love forever (Song of Songs 2:6 TPT).
“
Salvation through Jesus is a choice made from the heart
just between you and Him alone. It is not merely a
friendship, but a choice to be in a loving relationship
between two people who know each other
deeply and personally.
48
”
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S ectio n 2 | Wee k s 2 – 3
A Personal and Intimate Relationship
The Groom and the Bride
Using the term ‘Bride’ to describe the Church illustrates the intimacy God wishes to
have with us. This relationship is different from the child-parent relationship with the
Father. The scriptures clearly compare Christ and His Church as a marriage between
a man and woman (Ephesians 5:22–25). Despite Jesus calling His disciples His friends,
it also is important to point out that a husband and wife relationship is not “friendzoned”; it’s up close and personal (John 3:29). Salvation through Jesus is a choice
made from the heart just between you and Him alone. It is not merely a friendship,
but it is a choice to be in a loving relationship between two people who know each
other deeply and personally. In Luke 10:27, Jesus says to love God with all your heart,
soul, mind, and strength. In other words, our hearts should burn for the Lord with a
passion that consumes our thoughts and actions until we are weak with love for Him
(Song of Songs 5 3–4).
The kind of love I’m referring to was exemplified in King David when he threw all
logic and propriety of being king into the wind abandoning his earthly reputation to
dance in the view and love of His God who was deep within him. That impassioned,
completely unreasonable, and supernatural expression is the kind of love I believe
Jesus was describing in Luke 10:27. And later, In Song of Songs 4:6, the Shulamite
woman, representing Christ’s Church individually and collectively, describes her
passion for her Groom. “I’ve made up my mind. Until the darkness disappears and
the dawn has fully come, in spite of shadows and fears, I will go to the mountaintop
with you—the mountain of suffering love and the hill of burning incense. Yes, I will
be your bride” (TPT). This love chooses Him out of sheer passion and gratitude for
the Bridegroom that gave it all and saved us. Our hearts should be on fire for His
presence here and now and look forward to seeing Him in glory.
?
How do you feel knowing you are chosen as part of His Bride, and He gave Himself up
for you?
What does a personal relationship with Christ look like to you now on a daily basis with
your past dead and gone and your new heart complete to overflowing in His love?
In what specific ways can you get closer to Him in your heart, soul, mind, and strength,
knowing He restored you back to the Father and yearns for a closer and more personal
relationship with you?
AS C H R I ST LOV E S T H E C H U RC H
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S ectio n 2 | Wee k s 2 – 3
Scriptural Truths
His Great Love for Her
The scriptures below should awaken you to this perfect love and union between
Christ and His Church. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, our teacher and guide,
we are being made ready for His return to present us as radiant to Him (Ephesians
5:27). It is a process that culminates in the day He and His Bride will finally be joined
together forever as we attend the marriage supper of the Lamb and live together for
eternity.
In the meantime, we are called to bask in His great love for us and know that as
the Father loves Jesus, so Jesus loves us (John 15:9). Can you even imagine that?
The Son who chose to be mercilessly killed for our waywardness and sins loves
us as His Father loves Him. He is the perfect Son, and yet, through the Cross, we
are like Him now. In fact, as He is, so are we in this world (1 John 4:17). How can we
go another day without submerging ourselves in His love and allowing it to bring
us back into wholeness of mind, body, and soul? If you are challenged in receiving
His love, please read on and allow the scriptures to embrace you as the Holy Spirit
greatly pours His love into your heart once and for all (Romans 5:5).
Reading and re-reading the scriptures below deposits this satiating truth deeper
and deeper into our hearts, offering completeness no other human can offer. To
be honest, this is the primary purpose of this book. We are lost sheep continually
searching for the next best thing without this. Without delay, come and drink and
drink and drink from the Living Water until you are saturated by His love in every
way. Then, let it cascade over the rim of the well of your heart to your spouse, family,
friends, and a world in need of a Savior.
Please read the following scriptures and circle all the words that speak of Christ’s
love for His Church.
“And may you be able to feel and understand, as all God’s children should, how long,
how wide, how deep, and how high his love really is; and to experience this love for
yourselves, though it is so great that you will never see the end of it or fully know
or understand it. And so, at last, you will be filled up with God himself.” (Ephesians
3:18–19, TLB)
For you reach into my heart. With one flash of your eyes I am undone by your love,
my beloved, my equal, my bride. You leave me breathless...” (Song of Songs 4:9, TPT)
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“But God is so rich in mercy; he loved us so much that even though we were spiritually
dead and doomed by our sins, he gave us back our lives again when he raised Christ
from the dead—only by His undeserved favor have we ever been saved-and lifted
us up from the grave into glory along with Christ, where we sit with him in heavenly
realms-all because of what Christ Jesus did.” (Ephesians 2:4–5, TLB)
“And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts, living within you
as you trust in him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous
love.” (Ephesians 3:17, TLB)
“Be full of love for others, following the example of Christ who loved you and gave
himself to God as a sacrifice to take away your sins. And God was pleased, for Christ’s
love for you was like sweet perfume to him.” (Ephesians 5:2, TLB)
“For I feel a divine jealousy for you, since I betrothed you to one husband, to present
you as a pure virgin to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 11:2, ESV)
“My darling bride, my private paradise, fastened to my heart. A secret spring are you
that no one else can have—my bubbling fountain hidden from public view. What a
perfect partner to me now that I have you.” (Song of Songs 4:12, TPT)
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...”
(Ephesians 5:25 NIV)
“For no one ever hated his own body, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ
does the church,” (Ephesians 5:29, ESV)
“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
(Romans 5:8, ESV)
“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.
And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and
gave himself for me.” Galatians 2:20, ESV
“We love because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19, ESV)
“By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our
lives for the brothers.” (1 John 3:16, ESV)
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved
you, you also are to love one another.” (John 13:34, ESV)
“And from Jesus Christ the faithful witness, the firstborn of the dead, and the ruler of
kings on earth to him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by His blood and
AS C H R I ST LOV E S T H E C H U RC H
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S ectio n 2 | Wee k s 2 – 3
made us a kingdom, priests to his God and Father, to him be glory and dominion
forever and ever. Amen.” (Revelation 1:5–6, ESV)
“Thou arty worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast
created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.” (Revelation 4:11,
KJV)
?
Which scripture has begun to shift you toward fully grasping this infinite and everpresent love of Christ for His Church and you individually?
Which scripture can you write down and memorize today to keep this strong relationship
in view as a way to maintain the truth of your complete love, forgiveness, and wholeness
in Christ?
Are you ready to see the different areas of Christ’s love that were meant to fill your heart
He created to completion? Why or why not?
As Christ Loves the Church
Her Heart Made Complete
Christ’s love for His Church knows no
bounds. They are one in heart. He perfectly
loves and ministers to her heart and each
of our own hearts simultaneously around
the globe. The illustrated picture of a heart
came to my mind as I began to piece
together this book. It shows segments
of the heart of Christ that pours out into
the hearts of you and me, His beloved,
continuously. Please keep in mind that the
love of Christ is so deep and so wide that
it is unsearchable and eternal. Therefore,
the segments are not exhaustive, but they
include the key characteristics presented
to me through the Holy Spirit for this book.
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S ectio n 2 | Wee k s 2 – 3
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does
not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record
of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects,
always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”—1 Corinthians 13:4–7 (NIV)
His Love for His Church is SACRIFICIAL.
“That is why Christ said, as he came into the world, ‘O God, the blood of bulls and
goats cannot satisfy you, so you have made ready this body of mine for me to lay
as a sacrifice upon your altar...Then I said, See, I have come to do your will, to lay
down my life, just as the Scriptures said that I would’...he then added, ‘Here I am.
I have come to give my life.’” (Hebrews 10:5–8, TLB)
Jesus knew that His sacrifice was the only way to restore the Church back to the
Father. All other sacrifices could not satisfy a Holy God. He also knew she was to be
His bride! He chose obedience out of great love for His Father and the passionate
love for His equal, His beautiful bride (Song of Songs 4: 9)! This sacrificial love was so
deep and intoxicating that it went beyond His suffering—even death on a cross (Song
of Songs 4:10, Philippians 2:8–11).
This supernatural love could never be earned (Ephesians 2:8–9). It is already poured
out for our redemption. We need to remind ourselves that His love is available
continuously and pray that the enemy’s lies will be dismantled and unblocked in our
hearts for true intimacy.
Our hearts were designed to receive His complete love (Ezekiel 36:26, Jeremiah 24:7).
Our old hearts of stone could not understand it, but the Spirit pours out His love
for us in our new hearts of flesh (Romans 5:5). Anything short of the presence and
love of God in our hearts can cause untold heartache. Speaker, author, and Bible
teacher Beth Moore wrote a Bible study called Living Free, and in it, she describes
that man’s heart is not healthy until God‘s love has made it full to overflowing.18 Our
insatiable need for approval, acknowledgment, and affection can only be met by the
Creator of this eternal spiritual organ.19 Other people cannot entirely give this love to
us. I know this first-hand. Expectations of a flawed human being able to fill the heart
made by the hand of God will only result in our needs not being met and our wants
being unreasonable for those in our lives, which will ultimately cause discord or even
disconnection. Unfortunately, we will only crave for more and more human love only
to feel continually empty, either consciously or subconsciously, without learning to
acknowledge and fully accept His complete sacrificial love.
AS C H R I ST LOV E S T H E C H U RC H
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S ectio n 2 | Wee k s 2 – 3
In Ephesians 5:2, we are instructed to continually walk in His love as His sacrifice was
a sweet fragrance to His Father. In other words, it glorifies Him and pleases the Father
when we acknowledge and immerse ourselves in it (John 15:9). His loving sacrifice
on the Cross was not paid for with mere gold and silver, but with His precious blood
(1 Peter 1:18–19). Accordingly, let’s fill up our hearts and bask in His perfect sacrificial
love that reversed the curse of sin and fully restores us to our authentic selves—both
now and forevermore.
Pause
Take a minute to personally say thank you to our Lord from your heart for His
sacrificial love, and then read the following synonyms of sacrifice.
Synonymous Attributes:20 Abandoned, Surrendered, Give Up, Resigned, Forfeited,
Relinquished, Renounced, Offered, Handed Over, Self-Denial, Selfless, Obedient.
?
Which synonym affected you the most and why?
Have you ever experienced this type of sacrificial love from God or others?
Is this unearned sacrificial love missing in your heart?
How can you keep your mind on and fill up your heart with His complete sacrificial love
that made you a new creation in Christ?
His Love for His Church is GRACEFUL
“Therefore let us [with privilege] approach the throne of grace [that is, the throne
of God’s gracious favor] with confidence and without fear, so that we may receive
mercy [for our failures] and find [His amazing] grace to help in time of need [an
appropriate blessing, coming just at the right moment]. (Hebrews 4:16, AMP)
God planned and designed life for us to need His grace. We first experience the
vastness of His grace when we are saved from the captivity of our sin (Ephesians 2:8).
Then we experience His grace when our daily needs are met with His ever-watching,
loving eye upon us. God perfectly designed us to need His daily grace so that we
lean into and trust in Him completely for our sustenance in this life. Truly, we can do
nothing apart from Him (John 15:5). His grace is required not only for our daily tasks
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but also for the betterment of our earthly relationships and to sufficiently fulfill our
overall mission here on earth (1 Corinthians 15:10).
As humans, we can easily fall into the mental trap of believing we cannot have any
flaws and can do everything, but the truth is we are all finite and fallible in need of
God’s continual grace. As we recognize and focus on His loving grace, we can see its
flow more and more in every aspect of our lives. His plan, efforts, and supply for our
needs ceaselessly flow wave after wave. Whether we are awake or asleep, He sees
our struggles and hears our sighs, and He pours grace, His undeserved favor, out on
us because of His great love for us. Our High Priest sees our weaknesses and says
to rejoice in them because He knows that by His grace and His power, all we do will
be made perfect and that by design will keep us in an intimate relationship with Him
focused on our need for a Savior (2 Corinthians 12:9, Hebrews 4:14–16).
The Hebrews writer says to come boldly to His throne and stay there to receive His
grace (Hebrews 4:16). Don’t skip over this. Run to it, collapse unto it, cling to it, stay
“
As we recognize and focus on His loving grace,
we can see its flow more and more
in every aspect of our lives.
AS C H R I ST LOV E S T H E C H U RC H
”
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S ectio n 2 | Wee k s 2 – 3
there, and don’t leave. Cast your weakness aside and accept yourself, just as He
does. Again, it is on purpose that we need His grace. He made you to be loved and
always need—and want—Him. Do you feel this in your heart? You were made for a
love relationship with your Creator. There is no room for religion or legalism when we
fall into His loving arms desperate for His grace (Romans 5:20, Romans 11:6).
In the end, when we get to Heaven, we will cast our crowns at His feet because we
will finally see the whole picture of His love without the dimmed view of our earthly
tents, and we will know with all certainty that it was His loving grace that carried us
through to glory (1 Corinthians 13:12). So, until that day, let’s lay a blanket down under
His apple tree to bask in His grace-shadow while we rest daily in His graceful love
(Song of Songs 2:3).
Pause
Quietly take a minute to personally say thank you to our Lord from your heart for
His graceful love, then read the following synonyms of grace.
Synonymous Attributes: Assistance, Favor, Blessing, Manna, Advantage, Benefit,
Privilege, Kindness, Mercy, Compassion.
?
Which synonym affected you the most and why?
Have you ever experienced this type of graceful love from God or others?
Is this grace-filled love missing in your heart?
How can you keep your mind on and fill up your heart with His graceful love that sustains
you every day?
His Love for His Church is LOYAL
“For God is sheer beauty, all-generous in love, loyal always and ever.” (Psalm 100:5,
MSG)
The Lord knows that human nature is fickle (John 2:24). For this reason, Scripture
warns us that God is the only one who is entirely reliable. (Psalm 118:9–11). Thankfully,
He is as solid as a rock, and we can depend on Him completely. In many areas
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throughout His Word, He speaks of His faithfulness that He never leaves or forsakes
us, holding us up by His victorious right hand, and will never let the righteous to be
shaken (2 Timothy 2:13, Deuteronomy 31:6, Psalm 55:22, Psalm 63:8). Even when we
are faithless and seemingly let Him down, His love is loyal. He will see us through to
the end and never let us go no matter what.
Just as we have let people down over the course of our lives, we all have had people
who have betrayed us. The shock, disappointment, and intense pain surrounding
circumstances with people we thought we could trust can be unbearable. The only
One that will never be disloyal is Jesus Christ. It’s not in His nature to be untrustworthy
and abandon those He created and sacrificed Himself for (Hebrews 13:5).
As His Bride, we are sealed and even marked in the unseen realm that proves His
loyal love to keep us until we are home with Him (Ephesians 4:30). Christ is loyal to
our daily needs as the Church, but individually as well. And as a result, when we
enter eternity, we will bow down and worship and give Him all the honor and praise
for His true and loyal love forever (Isaiah 54:10).
Pause
Quietly take a minute personally to say thank you to our Lord from your heart for
His loyal love, then read the following synonyms of loyalty.
Synonymous Attributes: Trustworthy, Devoted, Dedicated, Reliable, Responsible,
Dependable, True, Unwavering, Always There, Carrying the Load, Faithful, Rocklike,
Stable, Security, Good at One’s Word, Unfailing.
?
Which synonym affected you the most and why?
Have you ever experienced this type of loyal love from God or others?
Is this loyal love missing in your heart?
How can you keep your mind on and fill up your heart with His loyal love that keeps you
steady every day?
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His Love for His Church is SERVING
“Blessed (happy, prosperous, to be admired) are those servants whom the master
finds awake and watching when he arrives. I assure you and most solemnly say to
you, he will prepare himself to serve, and will have them recline at the table, and
will come and wait on them.” (Luke 12:37, AMP)
In life and death and even into glory, Jesus served and will serve His Church. He left
His royal abode to come down as a humble servant to show what great love He and
the Father have for us. Mark 10:45 states, “For even the Son of Man came not to be
served but to serve…” (NIV). His serving love set aside His comfort for the sake of the
Church—and not only for salvation purposes, but to show His great love and be an
example for us in how to serve others. And as a result, we strive to mirror His ways
that even call us to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters in honor of Him and
His perfect serving love (1 John 3:16).
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Ephesians 4:7–16 lists the gifts apportioned to all believers past, present, and future to
serve and build up the body of Christ. Christ is serving His Church through these gifts
poured out and in partnership with others to bring her into the fullness of maturity
and unification in Him. (Ephesians 4:12–13,16, 1 Corinthians 12:7).
Individually speaking, His heart for you is continually in serving mode. He is not too
busy, uninterested, or distracted. He does not drift off while we are praying. No, with
gladness, His serving love fills our every personal need and the need to build up
His glorious Bride. He sees all that you do for Him and others and, as a result, will
culminate into the most awe-inspiring act of servitude known to humanity—putting
on an apron and serving you at the table in His kingdom. This level of humility and
loving care in service to others, despite His kingship, is true love!
Pause
Quietly take a minute personally to say thank you to our Lord from your heart for
His serving love, then read the following synonyms on serving.
Synonymous Attributes: Help, Assists, Takes Care of, Looks after, Sees to, Waits
on, Dutiful, Handles, Useful, Aids, Works with, Supports, Always available, Willing,
Attentive.
?
Which synonym affected you the most and why?
Have you ever experienced this type of serving love from God or others?
Is this serving love missing in your heart?
How can you keep your mind on and fill up your heart with His serving love that tends to
your personal needs every day?
His Love for His Church is NOURISHING
“Under his direction the whole body is fitted together perfectly, and each part in its
special way helps the other parts so that the whole body is healthy and growing
and full of love.” (Ephesians 4:16, TLB)
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Jesus is the Bread of Life and Living Water. No longer are we hungry or thirsty
because whatever we need, He supplies. Keeping ourselves focused on this supply
frees us from the delusion that we need to scramble for our needs, feel lack, or do
it ourselves in a futile effort to be self-sufficient. The Church’s health and vitality are
of great importance to Him, and as a result, He provides constant and sufficient
nourishment growing us all as living stones, into His spiritual house (1 Peter 2:5).
In Ephesians 5:29, Paul instructs husbands to nourish their wives as an example to
the world of the Bridegroom’s nourishing love. He notes that no one ever hated his
own flesh but nourishes it as the Lord does for His Church, His body. This tells me
that whether our need is physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual the Lord is capable
of perfectly tending to His Bride. This care ensures that she is beautiful and vibrant
across the globe.
Jesus explained in John 4:34 that His food (or His satisfaction) is to do the will of the
Father. Likewise, we are filled up when we do His will and serve each other out of
a healthy and nutrient-filled love to stand strong beaming like a lighthouse to the
world. The never-ending nourishing love of Christ fills the Church through the Holy
Spirit that lights her on fire and creates a strength and energy that burns brightly for
all to see in hopes that many will be drawn to Him and be saved.
Pause
Quietly take a minute personally to say thank you to our Lord from your heart for
His nourishing love, then read the following synonyms of nourish.
Synonymous Attributes: Feeds, Sustains, Maintains, Nurtures, Provides, Cultivates,
Attends, Develops, Teaches, Trains, Rears, Educates, Advances, Strengthens.
?
Which synonym affected you the most and why?
Have you ever experienced this type of nourishing love from God or others?
Is this nourishing love missing in your heart?
How can you keep your mind on and fill up your heart with His nourishing love that keeps
you vibrant and joyful every day?
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His Love for His Church is CHERISHING
“For no one ever hated his own body, but [instead] he nourishes and protects and
cherishes it, just as Christ does the Church…” (Ephesians 5:29, AMP)
Have you ever cherished someone or something in your life? Maybe a grandparent
that loved you like no one ever did, or you have a memento from a time of importance.
When you cherish someone or something, that person or thing is always on your
mind and heart. You may find yourself even talking about them all the time. If you
cherish a particular memento, it could even be displayed in your home for all to see
because when you cherish someone or something, you are proud and want to show
them off. There is a special feeling when you think about or see the one thing you
cherish.
Likewise, when we cherish our body, we not only feed it well and safeguard it, but
we also value and present it well. In the scripture above, a husband is instructed to
cherish their wife like they do their body just like Christ does for His Church, His Body.
As a result, I genuinely believe that the Church and a woman’s heart were designed
to receive cherishing love, and, like Christ, a man was designed to give it.
The perfect model for offering cherishing love is Jesus. Not only does He nourish
and protect His precious body of believers, but He adores you, is proud of you, and
wants to show you off. In John 15:8, Jesus informs us that He uses us to showcase
His Father’s glory. As we operate in His apportioned gifts, it commands attention
from others and glorifies God. In Matthew 5:14–16, Jesus says His Church cannot be
hidden. You are not a secret to be kept. No, He wants to showcase His masterpieces.
Through the power of the Holy Spirit, your light honors and glorifies the Father and
attracts others with moral living that shines! His plan is to lift you up and exhibit His
greatest work, Christ in you, the hope of glory (Colossians 1:27). His heart is to please
His Father and, in doing so, to also cherish His Bride continually.
To be cherished means to have someone who sees us, knows us fully, and seeks to
shine our best features. By design, being cherished gives us courage, confidence,
healing, joy, peace, and so much more when we are loved attentively in this way.
Cherishing is not done from the mind toward someone; it is done from a deep place
within seeking to honor the other person publicly for all they are in Christ.
The Bride is the most beautiful and the most admired in the room. All stand when she
walks in. All eyes are on her as He stands at the end of the aisle with His adoring eyes
welling up. This look never leaves His face as He sees even your most minor acts of
kindness. His love values and finds no fault in us. He aims to show us how much He
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adores us and holds us in high esteem. It is one of His greatest joys to treat His Bride
as she should be treated—with the utmost detailed care and compassion.
This kind of love thinks ahead. It’s not only thoughtful; it’s preplanned and strategic.
Christ is the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End. You are so special that
every day of your life was planned before one was ever lived (Psalm 139:16). Anything
that would break her heart is furthest from His mind. He lights up just thinking about
how she will feel when she encounters His perfect plan (Psalm 37:23). The enemy has
deceived us into thinking God’s love is limited or conditional, but no longer. Today, we
can begin to see how much He loves His Bride by drawing us near to the One that is
undone by even a glance of our worshipping eyes (Song of Songs 6:5).
Pause
Quietly take a minute personally to say thank you to our Lord from your heart for
His cherishing love, then read the following synonyms on cherishing.
Synonymous Attributes: Adores, Admires, Appreciates, Holds in High Esteem,
Honors, Loves, Likes, Clings to, Cares for, Showcases, Lifts, Smiles on, Stares at,
Glances toward, Ever Present, Never leaves, Dotes on, Encourages, Treasures,
Venerates, Holds Dear, Apprizes, Values.
?
Which synonym affected you the most and why?
Have you ever experienced this type of cherishing love from God or others?
Is this cherishing love missing in your heart?
How can you keep your mind on and fill up your heart with His cherishing love that
confirms that you are so special in every way?
His Love for His Church is UNDERSTANDING
“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator
of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no
one can fathom.” (Isaiah 40:28, NIV)
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Christ knows every church on earth entirely. He personally knows every pastor, pastor’s
wife, leader, teacher, and volunteer. He knows their strengths and weaknesses, likes
and dislikes, and goals and dreams. He knows their flock too.
Over the last 30 years, I have attended multiple churches and can tell you each one
is an entirely different organism unique in personality and pursuit. As a part of His
body, the people and mission are vastly different even within a church meeting in
different locations. Not only does He understand these churches as individual units,
but He knows intimately the heart of every single believer that walks through their
doors since the day they were born. How beautiful to be known and understood in
our uniqueness as a Church and individually!
No other human on earth can fully understand us like Christ because only God sees
the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). We can rest in His understanding of us as we cannot even
fully know our own hearts and His path for our lives. In John 2:25, Jesus states that
He knows what is in the hearts of men to their very core. Indeed, His understanding
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love knows the depths of us. This is relieving to those who carry around a depth that
seems unreachable—even when we feel misunderstood by those closest to us. It’s
satisfying to know that the days of loneliness or invisibility are gone through this
soul-touching truth. What peace to know that we have a Great Shephard that loves
us and watches over us with fathomless understanding love.
Pause
Quietly take a minute personally to say thank you to our Lord from your heart for
His understanding love, then read the following synonyms of understanding.
Synonymous Attributes: Accepted, Perfectly and Entirely Known, Intimate, Sees
through, Nothing hidden, Hears and understands groanings, Needs known before
thoughts and prayers, Known before the foundation of the world, Each day known,
Written in Lamb’s Book of Life, Acknowledged, Comprehended, Grasped, Certain of,
Familiar, Recognized, Unsaid, Approved, Empathized, Thoroughly gets what is said
and unsaid, All-encompassing.
?
Which synonym affected you the most and why?
Have you ever experienced this understanding of love from God or others?
Is this understanding love missing in your heart?
How can you keep your mind on and fill up your heart with His understanding love that
confirms that you were created and are enjoyed just as you are?
His Love for His Church is CLEANSING
“...so that He might sanctify the church, having cleansed her by the washing of
water with the Word [of God].” (Ephesians 5:26, AMP)
His sacrificial blood cleansed us inwardly once and for all. Let that sink in. Once you
sincerely made Christ your Lord and Savior, you supernaturally became holy within
where He now resides. Our sin is thrown as far as the east is from the west and God
remembers them no more (Psalm 103:12, Micah 7:19). Because of our fallen nature,
which so easily ensnares us, we must be careful that we don’t drift away from this
eternal truth or fall into the legalism of working to earn our already-cleansed state
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through which Christ already paid for. This selfless cleansing love refreshes and
restores us—guilt and shame-free. When we think about the Cross, let’s remember
the blood that flowed washing us clean now and forevermore.
Pause
Quietly take a minute personally to say thank you to our Lord from your heart for
His cleansing love, then read the following synonyms on cleansing.
Synonymous Attributes: Washed, Clean, Rinsed, Purified, Sanitized, Restored,
Cleared, Stainless, Blameless, Holy, No Spot, No Wrinkle, Scrubbed, Brushed,
Laundered, Refined, Atoned, Baptized, Forgiven, Redeemed, Unburdened.
?
Which synonym affected you the most and why?
Have you ever experienced this type of condemnation-free love from God or others?
Is this cleansing love missing in your heart?
How can you keep your mind on and fill up your heart with His guilt and shame-free
cleansing love every day where past, present, and future sin does not exist?
His Love for His Church is CONSISTENT
“Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and today, and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8, NIV)
The Church is being held in the hand of the One whose love is steady and unchanging.
Generation after generation, we are in His more-than-capable hands. Humans can
flip-flop on ideas and actions frequently and sometimes even multiple times a day,
but not our God. He isn’t pulled by sin, new views, or people’s opinions. He doesn’t
ever lose interest in you as His Bride. His love is consistently as exciting as a first
date. He is thrilled for you to know more and more about Him (Song of Songs 4:10).
This kind of love never gets boring or fades. His consistent love breathes life into us
daily as we are being transformed into His likeness, as a Church and individually, with
ever-increasing glory (2 Corinthians 3:18).
As a true believer, you can never lose your salvation or be let down by broken
promises. His promises are trustworthy and unalterable (Hebrews 6:17). Through
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studying His Word, you realize the great I AM says what He means and means what
He says. There are no changing or shifting shadows for His provisions (James 1:17). He
always comes through.
One of the most impactful moments in my early years of studying His Word was
when I read the book of Hebrews. To this day, 30 years later, I will remember what
I read and am still in awe. In Hebrews 6, the writer recalls God’s oath with Himself
promising to bless Abraham and provide a son and many descendants. This
showed Abraham and all future heirs the promise of the immutability of His counsel
confirmed in an oath (Hebrews 6:17). The cool thing was that He made an oath with
Himself because no one was greater. This is a stunning realization because He
didn’t have to do that! He is so loving that He wanted to make a pact with Himself
to show us how consistent or unchanging He is and will ever be. When He makes
a promise, He will keep it no matter what. Even when you are too weak and at the
point of giving up, the Word says He is faithful and cannot deny himself (2 Timothy
2:13). He will always bring to pass His promises. You can rely on Him and trust that
His promises are always yes and amen in Christ (2 Corinthians 1:20). He truly is the
anchor for our soul.
Pause
Quietly take a minute personally to say thank you to our Lord from your heart for
His consistent love, then read the following synonyms on consistency.
Synonymous Attributes: Persistent, Expected, Agreeable, Stabilizing, Steady,
Unchanging, Same, Invariable, Even, True, Rational, Nonconflicting, Harmonious.
?
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Which synonym affected you the most and why?
Have you ever experienced this type of consistent love from God or others?
Is this consistent love missing in your heart?
How can you keep your mind on and fill up your heart with immutable love every day?
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His Love for His Church is LEADING
“I am the Good Shepherd, and I know [without any doubt those who are] My own
and My own know Me [and have a deep, personal relationship with Me].“ (John
10:14, AMP)
We can rest in the plans of our Good Shepherd. He leads every area of ministry within
the Church, and we also hear His voice individually and follow Him. Sometimes,
however, we can step ahead and not allow our loving Leader to run the show so to
speak. No one, not even a family member or close friend, can lead you where you
need to go. It says in the Word that many advisors make for success, but we know
His peace has the final say in decisions. In our journey, His leading love will satisfy us,
and we shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not
fail. (Isaiah 58:11).
My longtime Christian sister Sally and I go on “holy” rants sometimes when we feel
out of control with whatever is happening in our lives. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit
reminds us (or rather shuts us up) that He has all our steps ordered, and delights
in all our ways, which brings us back into peaceful balance (Psalm 37:23). It relieves
us to rest in the guidance of the One and Only that holds the responsibility on His
broad shoulders. After commiserating with one another, we remind each other that
the control must be given back to God’s rightful hand and that many are the plans of
the righteous, but it is the Lord’s steps that will prevail (Proverbs 16:9). He’s got this!
Paul reminds us to be thankful for His leading love in 2 Corinthians 2:14, “But thanks
be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and through us spreads and
makes evident everywhere the sweet fragrance of the knowledge of Him” (AMP). He
always leads us by the still waters and along paths of righteousness for the sake of
His name (Psalm 23). He even carries us in His arms, and holds us close to his tender
heart, pounding with love (Isaiah 40:11). As His sheep, we can look up and see the
great staff, hear His voice, and rest in His leading love.
Pause
Quietly take a minute personally to say thank you to our Lord from your heart for
His leading love, then read the following synonyms on leading.
Synonymous Attributes: Governing, Highest, Supreme, Prime, Chief, Guiding,
Steering, Key, Central, Superior, Ruling, Directing, Essential, Central, Head of,
Foremost, Paramount, Notable, Matchless, Brilliant.
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?
Which synonym affected you the most and why?
Have you ever experienced this type of leading love from God or others?
Is this leading love missing in your heart?
How can you keep your mind on and fill up your heart with His leading love giving your
will into His hands?
His Love for His Church is PROTECTIVE
“...I will build my church; and all the powers of hell shall not prevail against it.”
(Matthew 16:18, TLB)
Jehovah Sabaoth is just one of the names of Christ. It means He is the Lord of
heaven’s armies.21 An untold number of angels are at His disposal. He is Lord of all
heaven and earth and all created things. Whatever powers are in visible or invisible
operation, make no mistake about it, the governing is on His shoulders. He bought
it all back through the Cross (Isaiah 9:6 NIV). He revealed a taste of His power in the
garden of Gethsemane when the Roman soldiers said they were looking for Jesus of
Nazareth to arrest Him. He replied, “I am He.” And they all drew back and fell to the
ground. What power! His words alone slay men. That’s why the Church’s sword of the
Spirit is the Word of God. His words emit protective power.
Christ not only physically protects His Church, but He warns us of wolves that can
sneak in as sheep (Matthew 7:15). These wolves are shifty unbelievers disguising
themselves as having sound doctrine. They can sneak in unnoticed, but if we pay
close attention, their behavior often doesn’t match their beliefs, or they have faulty
and heretical theology. We know this is the work of Satan, but it’s often difficult to
discern because of his craftiness. As a result, Christ asks the Father before His death
to keep us from the evil one (John 17). God is happy to oblige because He is fiercely
protective over our spiritual health! He alerts us to keep to the truth of His Word. He
wants us to read it, study it, and use it as a force against the evil one. Take care to bask
in His protective love daily and utilize this powerful weapon of His Word to stay alert
and on guard to have the abundant life He died for you to have (John 10:10).
Pause
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Quietly take a minute personally to say thank you to our Lord from your heart for
His protective love, then read the following synonyms on protection.
Synonymous Attributes: Guard, Cover, Preserve, Shelter, Save, Defend, Shield,
Secure, Fenced in, Go to Battle for, Stand up for, Walled, Fight for, Looked after, Cared
for, Harbored, Watched over, Kept, Chaperone, Taken under Wing, Preemptively
Strategize in Defense, Vigilant, Never Slumbers or Sleeps, Eyes on at all times,
Angelic forces standing by, Vengeance is His, Never waivers.
?
Which synonym affected you the most and why?
Have you ever experienced this type of protective love from God or others?
Is this protective love missing in your heart?
How can you keep your mind on and fill up your heart with His protective love and live in
peace?
His Love for His Church is SANCTIFYING
“Now may the God of peace sanctify you wholly; and may your whole spirit, soul,
and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (1
Thessalonians 5:23, KJV)
Jesus’ sanctifying love grows the Church spiritually in thought and action. We are
to be very thankful for being chosen from the beginning for salvation and that
the Spirit develops us into maturity (1 Thessalonians 2:13). Growing in the study
of His Word, prayer, and obedience is making His Bride more beautiful every day
(Revelation 19:7). It says in 1 Peter 1:16, “Be Holy for I am Holy” (NIV). As Christ’s
royal ambassadors and soldiers in His army here on earth, we must consistently
train in truth and be in the process of shedding old habits and patterns that keep
us from becoming more attractive to others in need of a Savior (2 Timothy 2:2–4,
Hebrews 12:1).
He is not only interested in His Bride’s beautification, but in the ripe harvest of which
there are too few workers (Matthew 9:37). The Church is a shining light in this dark
world heading for hell. This is extremely important to Christ, and it should be to us
as well. He has a top-down view outside of space and time and wants us to partner
with Him in this mission by increasing our knowledge of Him and becoming obedient
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to His Word. As we experience His sanctifying love through the Holy Spirit, we will
become more and more Christlike, and an example of His love to those who lives
hang in the very balance.
Pause
Quietly take a minute personally to say thank you to our Lord from your heart for
His sanctifying love, then read the following synonyms on sanctification.
Synonymous Attributes: Set apart, Consecrated, Distinguished, Differentiated,
Special, Separate.
?
Which synonym affected you the most and why?
Have you ever experienced this type of sanctifying love from God or others?
Is this sanctifying love missing in your heart?
How can you keep your mind on and fill your heart with His sanctifying love and set
yourself further and further apart for His glory and honor?
His Love for His Church is PASSIONATE
“And once for all took blood into that inner room, the Holy of Holies, and sprinkled
it on the mercy seat; but it was not the blood of goats and calves. No, He took his
own blood, and with it he, by himself, made sure of our eternal salvation.” (Hebrews
9:12, TLB, emphasis mine)
Can you just picture this scene? Jesus is so loving and so full of passion for His
Church. I get choked up imagining it. By Himself, it says. He alone made sure that you
and I would be secure with Him forever. I believe the writer of Hebrews said it like
this so there would be no room for doubt about what was accomplished in that inner
room. Not even a shred of sin was left or remembered. No guilt or shame can cause
us to hang our heads low now and forever.
I can imagine Him pausing just before He sprinkled it while thinking back at His
suffering and then thinking collectively of all those over the span of time that were
His. This includes you. Because of His great passionate love for us, we will see Him
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face-to-face seated, side-by-side as royal co-heirs full of joy together at Home with
Him...at last.
Pause
Quietly take a minute personally to say thank you to our Lord from your heart for
His passionate love, then read the following synonyms on passion.
Synonymous Attributes: Joy, Excitement, Warmth, Intensity, Fervent, Zealous,
Amorous, Desirous, Romantic (Song of Songs), Emotional (*see Father and Jesus
Emotions exercise below), Enthusiastic, Uninhibited, Unrestrained, Demonstrative,
Sappy, Mushy, Gushing, Sentimental, Charming, Symphony of love.
?
Which synonym affected you the most and why?
Have you ever experienced this type of passionate love from God or others?
Is this passionate love missing in your heart?
How can you keep your mind on and fill up your heart with His passionate love and live in
the excitement of your relationship with Him that flows into others?
His Love for His Church is ETERNAL
“After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them
in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.” (1
Thessalonians 4:17, NIV)
The Lord will eventually, on His timetable, bring His Bride to Heaven. The trumpet will
sound and Christ Himself will descend into the atmospheric plane of the clouds to
retrieve His Bride. Those whose bodies lay in the ground or remain alive will change
into eternal bodies and be like Christ. It will be the end of the Church age and God’s
wrath will be poured out on all those outside God’s family. Many may not believe in
this event, but nonetheless, His Word is eternal and true. It will happen. His love will
no longer be tainted by our fleshly nature, and we will finally experience the fullness
of His eternal love.
Pause
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Quietly take a minute personally to say thank you to our Lord from your heart for
His eternal love, then read the following synonyms on eternal.
Synonymous Attributes: Everlasting, Never-Ending, Endless, Perpetual, Undying,
Constant, Abiding, Immortal, Infinite, Boundless, Immutable, Infinite, Ceaseless,
Permanent, Continuous.
?
Which synonym affected you the most and why?
Have you ever experienced this type of eternal love from God or others?
Is this eternal love missing in your heart?
How can you keep your mind on and fill up your heart with His eternal love and live life in
His presence outside of space and time?
Song of Songs
His Romantic Heart
His heart of love is so passionate and pure for you and His Church! The book Song
of Songs in the Bible is a metaphorical poem or song depicting His divine pursuit of
His Bride.
Caution, ladies, the thrilling lyrics of love drip off the pages. But while romantic in
nature, this book is not about carnal passions but something far more potent and
fulfilling. As noted above, it is the outward expression of all the specific ways He loves
us, but it is a more profound and more revealing glimpse of His love and sacrifice for
us, His beloved. “The inspired Song of Songs is a work of art. It is a melody sung from
the heart of Jesus Christ for his longing Bride. It is full of symbols, subtle art forms,
poetry, and nuances...”22
Let’s peek at a section I have chosen that shifted my view of our Bridegroom.
Song of Songs 4:9–14 (TPT)
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The Bridegroom-King (Jesus Christ speaking to His Bride)
“For you reach into my heart.
With one flash of your eyes I am undone by your love,
my beloved, my equal, my bride.
You leave me breathless—
I am overcome
By merely a glance from your worshipping eyes,
for you have stolen my heart.
I am held hostage by your love
and by the graces of righteousness shining upon you.
How satisfying to me, my equal my bride.
Your love is my finest wine—intoxicating and thrilling.
And your sweet, perfumed praises—so exotic, so pleasing.
Your loving words are like honeycomb to me;
your tongue releases milk and honey,
for I find the Promised Land flowing within you.
The fragrance of your worshipping love
surrounds you with scented robes of white.
My darling bride, my private paradise,
fastened to my heart.
A secret spring are you that no one else can havemy bubbling fountain hidden from public view.
What a perfect partner to me now that I have you.
Your inward life is now sprouting, bringing forth fruit.
What a beautiful paradise unfolds within you.
When I’m near you, I smell aromas of the finest spice,
for many clusters of my exquisite fruit
now grow within your inner garden.
Here are the nine:
pomegranates of passion,
henna from heaven,
spikenard so sweet,
saffron shining,
fragrant calamus from the cross,
sacred cinnamon,
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branches of scented woods
myrrh, like tears from a tree,
and aloe as eagles ascending.
Your life flows into mine, pure as garden spring.
A well of living water springs up from within you,
like a mountain brook flowing into my heart!”
Behind every outpouring line of love, the words in this rich and beautifully written
composition contain deep and eternal meanings of Christ and His Bride’s relationship.
For example, the root word for henna is redemption or fruit of mercy and calamus
produces a fragrant oil or spice, which means purchased.23 The care He took to
supply such rich beauty on earth for the one He loves is breathtaking, especially
the eternal meanings behind it. There is no one as magnificent and attentive as Our
Creator and Bridegroom, whom we will enjoy forever (Revelation 4:11).
Lonely, Rejected, and Empty
The Enemy’s Lies
And even though I love talking about this amorous topic, I would be remiss if I did
not mention that we are in an intense and real spiritual battle this side of Heaven.
The enemy of our souls seeks to block the truth of the perfectly divine love from our
Bridegroom. Be warned, friends! The enemy is on the prowl and is so cunning, subtle,
and persistent in distracting and negating the truth of this love in our minds and
emotions. When we feel lonely, rejected, and empty—whether single or married—we
need to read the scriptures above daily to keep ourselves in the completeness of
His sweet and filling love. These passages were designed to reach deep within our
hearts to touch them with the eternal truth of redemption and supernatural love that
we crave.
From a practical standpoint, we must believe, know, and always imagine Him with
us. Wherever you go, whether at work, shopping with friends, or just being alone in
your room, He is present, engaging, and attentive to your thoughts, feelings, and
needs. This truth of His manifest omnipresence can dispel the feelings of loneliness,
rejection, and emptiness that the world throws at us when we are single, dating, and,
yes, even married to the one you love right beside you.
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Again, this is the whole reason I am writing this book. His love is the only complete
love you and I will ever get! People will fail us, desert us, leave our hearts wanting,
and they will ultimately die this side of Heaven. No marriage will ever be perfect either.
Therefore, it is vital to our spiritual and emotional health to press into His Word and
unfailing love (Psalm 143:8) that restores us into the radiant Bride He can’t get enough
of. Just one look into our eyes and He is undone (Song of Songs 4:9)! Let me say that
again, He looks at us with one glance, and He is undone! Can you imagine this? The
Creator of all things is madly in love with you. Let that sink in and heal your heart today.
?
Which verse from the Song of Songs excerpt above sets your heart ablaze the most?
Why?
What feelings come up after reading this passage in Song of Songs about the truth of His
heart for you and His Church?
Our Needs
Met by His Heart
Our needs are met by Our Lord and Savior’s heart. As the Word says in Psalm 23, we
lack nothing, and our cup overflows. It is all about a relationship from the heart with
Him. Out of an unimaginable amount of love, He died for you to be restored back
to Him. If you deeply suffered for someone to be healed and whole, wouldn’t you
want a vibrant and loving relationship with them filled with joy? How could you forget
them or that experience? As you are reading this book, He is reaching out His heart in
His hand to place it in yours. He wants you to know you are complete in Him. It may
not be instant, and you may not see it right away, but make no mistake—behind the
scenes, He will meet your every need if you let Him.
Please read and do the following exercise.
The following exercise below is intended to pull out our deepest needs and concerns,
seek His heart to fill them, and pray over each one to be filled to overflowing. I pray
that you submerge yourself in His heart and receive His love today. Please read the
column of potential needs/concerns and fill in the column to the right with the part
of Christ’s heart (listed below) that fills it. Please refer back to the parts of His heart
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for further clarification if needed. Some are provided as examples, but choose the
parts of Christ’s heart that you feel would help you the most for each Need/Concern.
Protective—the Word (sword of the Spirit), i.e., physically, mentally, spiritually,
financially, relationally, emotionally, armies of Heaven, His power in weakness
Graceful—favored, compassionate, generous, blessing, sufficient, gift-giver
Loyal—trustworthy, devoted, steadfast, faithful
Understanding—recognized,
acknowledged,
interested
in,
created,
known
thoroughly, cares
Sacrificial—put first, made a priority, accepted, merciful, chosen, died for
Cherishing—admires, worthy, adores, in awe of, honors publicly and privately
Serving—looks after, meets needs, tends to, watches over
Nourishing—the Word (Living Water, Bread of Life), i.e., mentally, emotionally,
spiritually
Eternal—everlasting, endless, loved now and forever
Passionate—charming, joyful, warmth, close to, undone, sings over, near
Cleansing—purified, mind of Christ, peaceful, new creation. heir/co-heir
Sanctifying—maturing, set apart, growing, purposeful
Consistent—steady, solid, never fails, promise keeper
Leading—takes charge, Shepherd, head, ruling, power position, decision-maker
Needs/Concerns
Pieces of Christ’s Heart
I am scared.
Protective, Understanding
I am anxious.
Nourishing, Leading
I have low self-esteem.
I need to rest.
Serving, Understanding, Graceful
I feel weak.
I have dreams.
I need to be heard.
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Needs/Concerns
Pieces of Christ’s Heart
I need to be accepted as I am.
Graceful, Cherishing
I need to be loved.
I feel abandoned.
Sacrificial, Passionate
I need encouragement.
I need attention.
I am lonely.
I need counsel.
I am overwhelmed.
I feel invisible.
Cherishing, Passionate, Sacrificial
I feel hopeless.
I don’t feel attractive.
I feel worthless.
I feel empty.
I am lost.
I don’t have purpose.
Eternal, Sanctifying
I don’t know who I am.
I feel shame and guilt from my past.
I don’t feel important.
I feel less than other people.
I am in debt.
I need romance.
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?
What are the most challenging needs/concerns you are personally dealing with right
now that you are willing to hand over to Him in prayer and belief to be met by His loving
heart?
How have you seen Christ specifically and practically resolve these needs or concerns in
your life or others in the past?
It’s my personal experience that unforgiveness can be a block to accepting His love.
Perhaps there is someone you need to forgive. What keeps you from forgiving the person
who just came to mind when you thought of someone you have harbored an offense
with?
I know it was easier for me to forgive others but accepting His forgiveness for myself
broke open the floodgates of His love pouring into my heart. Remember, His complete
forgiveness of sins past, present, and future through His sacrifice should be fully received.
Truly, His sacrifice is more powerful than anything you have ever done. What might you
need to accept His forgiveness for that He has already paid and cleansed you from?
Boaz and Ruth
A Jewish Groom and a Gentile Bride
Now that you know some of the precious ways Christ loves His Church, let’s briefly
study the betrothal and marriage of Boaz and Ruth in the Old Testament, which is a
foreshadowing looking toward the love of Christ for His Church. It is a picture of our
Kinsman Redeemer, who is Christ, loving His gentile bride. This exercise is meant to
enrich your understanding of the beauty of God’s plan and Christ’s heart to love and
eventually marry (one with) His beloved believers.
Please read and do the following exercise.
Please read the following scriptures of the quotes from Boaz and consider which
part of Christ’s heart it resembles and write it on the line below. As a reminder, the
parts of His heart are sacrificial, graceful, understanding, cherishing, loyal, protective,
leading, consistent, passionate, sanctifying, eternal, cleansing, nourishing, and
serving.
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Scriptures of Boaz’s Love for Ruth—Book of Ruth
“Boaz arrived from the city while she was there. After exchanging greetings with the
reapers, he said to his foreman, ‘Hey, who’s that girl over there?’” (Ruth 2:4–5, TLB)
Part of Christ’s Heart for Ruth
“Boaz went over and talked to her. ‘Listen, my child,’ he said to her, ‘Stay right here
with us to glean; don’t think of going to any other fields.’” (Ruth 2:8, TLB)
Part of Christ’s Heart for Ruth
“Stay right behind my women workers; I have warned the young men not to bother
you;” (Ruth 2:9, TLB)
Part of Christ’s Heart for Ruth
“When you are thirsty, go and help yourself to the water.” (Ruth 2:9, TLB)
Part of Christ’s Heart for Ruth
“...and I also know about all the love and kindness you have shown your motherin-law since the death of your husband, and how you left your father and mother in
your own land and have come here to live among strangers.” (Ruth 2:11, TLB)
Part of Christ’s Heart for Ruth
“May the Lord God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge, bless
you for it.” (Ruth:12, TLB)
Part of Christ’s Heart for Ruth
“Come and eat with us...” (Ruth 2:14, TLB)
Part of Christ’s Heart for Ruth
“Boaz told his young men to let her glean right among the sheaves without stopping
her, and to snap off some heads of barley and drop them on purpose for her to glean,
and not to make any remarks.” (Ruth 2:15–16, TLB)
Part of Christ’s Heart for Ruth
“Thank God for a girl like you! For you are being even kinder to Naomi now than
before.” (Ruth 3:10, TLB)
Part of Christ’s Heart for Ruth
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“Naturally you’d prefer a younger man, even though poor. But you have put aside
your personal desires [so that you can give Naomi an heir by marrying me].” (Ruth
3:10, TLB)
Part of Christ’s Heart for Ruth
“Now don’t worry about a thing...I’ll handle all the details, for everyone knows what a
wonderful person you are.” (Ruth 3:11, TLB)
Part of Christ’s Heart for Ruth
“Then Boaz said to the witnesses and to the crowd standing around, ‘You have
seen that today I have bought all the property...from Naomi, and that with it I have
purchased Ruth the Moabite...to be my wife, so that she can have a son to carry on
the family name…’” (Ruth 4:9–10, TLB)
Part of Christ’s Heart for Ruth
Personal Impact
The Deception of Being Unloved
No matter how many times I read the Bible or listened to sermons on Christ’s love
for me, I could not receive Christ’s love in my heart. Self-criticism ran rampant in
my mind until one Bible study began to change everything—Living Free by Beth
Moore. In the lesson from Week 3, Day 3 entitled “Overcoming Feeling Unloved,”
Beth quoted a startling statement made by Oswald Chambers that said, “No love of
the natural heart is safe unless the human heart has been satisfied by God first.”24 She
went on to say that if we have unmet needs in our hearts, we will carry around a cup
all day long trying to get others to fill what is only meant for God to fill. We will even
be tempted to hold out a tablespoon for love from someone or something to fill it out
of desperation. What a lie from the pit of hell!
Fill Up Your Cup Exercise
This imagery captured my heart, and I couldn’t shake it. I went to the kitchen and
retrieved an 8oz cup from the cabinet to represent the full capacity of my heart. I then
opened a 16oz water bottle to fill the 8oz cup to the point of love I feel from God. I
had always known in my mind that God fully loves me, but I wanted to measure the
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truth of what I felt in my heart right then, so I closed my eyes and listened to the love
rise as I poured. When I stopped at what I felt was an accurate representation of how
loved I felt by God, I opened my eyes and realized that the waterline was only ¼ of
the way to the top.
I immediately burst into tears and realized I had believed a lie. The ¾ air gap in the
cup represented everything blocking the fullness of Christ’s love in my heart. It was
blocking my self-worth, a sense of completion, lasting joy, satiation, peace, and
much more. This also blocked me from loving myself, His masterpiece, whom God
made for His pleasure and purposes (Revelation 4:11). I walked around trying to fill
my heart with so many things competing for Jesus’ rightful place. To be honest, I was
mad and grieved after this exercise. I was upset that I had wasted so many years in
this subconscious toxic state when right at my fingertips was the prescription to the
vibrancy, joy, and health my soul was begging and crying out for.
From that day forward, I use this cup and water bottle illustration in facilitating
Bible studies and with hurting friends to show that cups or tablespoons of love
from humans cannot fill what is God’s to fill. It is a lie of the enemy cleverly sown in
our hearts and minds that His full, unfailing, and perfect love is not enough. It is an
unceasing, overflowing fountain of love not only satiating you but cascading like a
mighty river through you to others but, most importantly, to your spouse (John 7:38)!
From my personal and trying experience, I firmly believe that you cannot give what
you do not already have. You may be able to fake it for a time, but you don’t truly feel
loved deep down. I encourage you to try this water cup exercise on your own and see
if His love for you needs to be received and filled to overflowing in your heart in honor
of His great sacrifice of love and the glory of His name.
The Father’s Love
It Begins Here
I am aware that, despite learning of the specific love of Christ for His Church and as
an individual, many who read this book may not even be able to receive the Father’s
love. Our earthly fathers may not have mirrored His love for us as they should, leading
to difficulty receiving Christ’s unconditional love. Let me briefly touch on this subject
to clear the way. The Father made you and sent His one and only Son to bring you
back in His arms. That’s how much He loves you. Many people would give up things
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for you, including time and money, but few would give up their son to be handed
over to evil people to be abused and killed to save you from eternal damnation.
That’s why Jesus emphatically said no one is good but the Father (Mark 10:18). Let
that sink in. He is the greatest love of our lives!
Honestly, your earthly father cannot and was never meant to measure up to the love
of our Heavenly Father. Even if he was a seemingly perfect father, there are cracks in
his ability to be perfect. No mortal human can satisfy the space in our heart that our
true Father created to dwell in. If today you are experiencing unforgiveness toward
your earthly father, please consider laying him at the foot of the cross and forgiving
him in your mind to free you to receive the steadfast love of the Father and Son.
Again, your earthly father (and mother, for that matter) was never meant to satisfy the
supernatural longing of our hearts. See below in scripture just how much He loves
and adores you infinitely!
The Father’s Love in Scripture
Read slowly and deliberately the scriptures below about the love of Your eternal and
faithful Father. He loves you and me and runs down the road with arms wide open to
put on your royal robe and ring and welcome you back home (Luke 15:11–32).
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion
for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him...But the father
said to his servants, “Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his
finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and
celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.”
(Luke 15:20b, 22–24, adapted from AMP and NIV)
“And I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the
Lord Almighty.” (2 Corinthians 6:18, NIV)
“Have we not all one Father? Has not one God created us?” (Malachi 2:10a, KJB)
“Can a woman forget her nursing child, or lack compassion for the son of her womb?
Even if she could forget, I will not forget you!” (Isaiah 49:15, BSB)
“In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any one of these little ones
should be lost.” (Matthew 18:14, BSB)
“Although my father and my mother have abandoned me, Yet the LORD will take me
up [adopt me as His child].” (Psalm 27:10, AMP)
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“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children
of God!” (1 John 3:1, NIV)
“For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you received the
Spirit of sonship, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” (Romans 8:15, ESV)
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the
heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. (Ephesians 1: 3, NIV)
“Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work
of your hand.” (Isaiah 64:8, NIV)
“”so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in
secret, will reward you.” (Matthew 6:4, NIV)
“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and
yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”
(Matthew 6:26, NIV)
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“If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how
much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matthew
7:11, NIV)
“...so whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give you.” (John 15:16, NASB)
“I and the Father are one.” (John 10:30, NIV)
“In that same hour he rejoiced in the Holy Spirit and said, “I thank you, Father, Lord of
heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding
and revealed them to little children; yes, Father, for such was your gracious will. All
things have been handed over to me by my Father, and no one knows who the Son is
except the Father, or who the Father is except the Son and anyone to whom the Son
chooses to reveal him.” (Luke 10:21–22, ESV)
Ancient Jewish Wedding
Wedding Model of Christ and His Church
If you study ancient Jewish weddings, you will discover they are the model for the
royal marriage coming between Christ and the Church. It begins with the bridegroom
making the first step and becoming betrothed or engaged to his chosen bride. Her
agreement then established an unbreakable legal marriage covenant that required
payment for her. Once the price was paid, she was set apart or sanctified. She was
now his and his alone. As a symbol to seal the commitment, the bridegroom and
bride would toast by drinking wine.
The bridegroom would then depart to his father’s house to prepare a place for them
to live. Meanwhile, the bride, not knowing when her groom would return, would begin
getting herself ready for him. It is believed that many bridegrooms would come at
the midnight hour. Torchlights and shouts through the streets from the best man and
groomsmen would signal to his veiled bride that the groom was on his way.
Once the groom took away his bride, the wedding would begin through consummation
in the bridal chamber. After the physical union took place, the groom would then
come out and announce the official marriage to the wedding party and guests. The
wedding supper would then commence and last approximately seven days. After
seven days, the bride would be unveiled, and everyone would see her face.
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Below are the details of the steps of an Ancient Jewish wedding and the comparison
to the current betrothal and future wedding of Christ and His Bride to come.25
Ancient Jewish Wedding
Wedding of Christ and the Church
Scriptures (NIV)
Father initiated and chose
Father’s gift to Jesus, chosen Bride
John 17:9, Ephesians 1:4
She accepted proposal
We accepted Christ as our Lord
Romans 10:9, 1 Corinthians 11:25,
and they drank wine to
and Savior by faith and take
Ephesians 2:8
seal covenant
communion
Payment due
The cross in blood
the future bride
1 Corinthians 6:20, Ephesians 1:7,
Hebrews 13:12, Peter 1:18–19
Engaged and bride set
Holy Spirit deposit
apart
Psalm 45:8–15, Isaiah 61:10, John
14:16–17, Acts 2:38 1 Corinthians 6:11, 1
Corinthians 6:19–20, 2 Corinthians 1:22,
Ephesians 5:25–27, 1 Thessalonians
4:3–8, Hebrews 10:10, 1 Peter 2:9
Bridegroom leaves to go
Jesus rose and ascended to the
to the father’s house
Father after 40 days
Bridegroom prepares a
Jesus preparing a place for us in
place to live
His Father’s house in heaven
Bride prepares herself
Sanctification process through the
Romans 12:2, 1 Corinthians 6:20, Titus
power and work of the Holy Spirit
3:5, 1 John 2:28, 1 John 3:3
Commanded to watch and be
Matthew 24:42–44, Matthew 25:1–13,
ready at all times
Mark 13:32, Luke 12:40
Groomsmen escort the
With a shout of the archangel, we
Song of Songs 2 TPT, Song of Songs
groom to get his bride
will meet Him in clouds
3:5–11 TPT, John 14:3, 1 John 2:28, 1
Bride waits
Matthew 9:15, John 20:17
John 14:2–3
Corinthians 15:51–53, 1 Thessalonians
4:16–17
Consummation
One with Christ
Psalm 45:10–11, Song of Songs
4:12 TPT, John 3:29, Galatians 3:28,
Ephesians 5:31–32
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Ancient Jewish Wedding
Wedding of Christ and the Church
Wedding feast
Wedding Supper of the Lamb
Revelation 19:7–9
Lasts 7 days
Saved from wrath mirroring 7 years
Daniel 9:24–27, Daniel 12:11–12, Luke
tribulation on earth
21:36
Gentile Bride, eternity with Him
John 3:16, Galatians 6:8, Ephesians
She is unveiled
Scriptures (NIV)
5:27, Revelation 21:9–10
Do Not Be Deceived
The World Is Profiting Off of You
Do you realize the world profits from women’s unquenchable need to be loved
as Christ loves the Church? We all need to be loved in the way Christ created our
hearts to be loved, which is to be understood, cherished, protected, known and so
much more. The heart of Christ for us has been unveiled. We need to realize how the
enemy appearing innocent, has tapped into this diverting our attention away from
Christ and our husbands, causing untold damage to women, marriages, and families.
Despite the humor and lightheartedness of the few media outlets below, it’s essential
to address how they can be taken too far compared to our own lives. The businesses
below, if not careful, can become a subtle tactic of the evil forces on our unfulfilled
hearts.
Worldwide Romantic Comedy Movies
Let me say that I am the first to enjoy a light-hearted and romantic movie that
sweeps me away for an hour or two. I thoroughly enjoy them and watch them
regularly from many countries with subtitles. In fact, Hallmark, for example, does
good to our darkening society and increasingly perverted media outlets by bringing
us wholesome movies. However, I have noticed and found it important to become
aware and gain perspective on these romantic movies in relation to the needs of
women’s hearts that may be unhealthily filled in ways other than Christ.
Despite the joy of watching a harmless romantic comedy, romcoms can become
addicting to many women who view the men and relationships in the movies as
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something they are missing out on or become superfans to actors that seemingly
meet the requirements of a perfect man. I am not diverting anyone away from
Hallmark or the like; my goal is simply to unveil the possible unforeseen deception
within a woman’s heart through this type of media.
Hollywood’s romantic comedies or “chick flicks” are a favorite and potentially
consuming entertainment outlet for women. But many in America do not realize the
addicting and lucrative global market for romcoms, especially in the Asian market.
Chinese dramas (C-dramas), Korean dramas (K-dramas), and Japanese dramas
(J-dramas) are just a few of the significant entertainment developers viewed by
millions and millions of women across the globe on YouTube and other pay-towatch channels with subtitles in most languages. I have heard (and personally agree)
that they are incredibly well-written, and the actors are very talented. I thoroughly
enjoy them. The screenwriters and producers are so gifted that it is almost like they
have studied each part of a woman’s heart! Every line spoken speaks of protection,
cherishing, or nourishing to such a level that a woman can’t stop watching and
wishing for the same in their own life.
Like Hallmark, they may be harmless to watch, but they can create emptiness and a
tremendous sense of lack if we aren’t vigilant. And they seem to write with attributes
women are in desperate need of and know this formula inside and out! As a matter of
fact, in my research, I have found that many of the screenwriters are, in fact, women.
They may even bypass Hollywood’s men to women ratio of writers shortly if they
haven’t already. The Asian rom-com fan base of women has spread worldwide and
is astronomical. Unfortunately, the fantasy of relationships created through these
dramas or movies, whether from Hollywood or elsewhere, if not fulfilled in Christ’s
love, can leave women unhappy in their relationships and life.
Romance Novels
Romance novels are another preferred pastime of women. Everyone loves a good
book about love and adventure to whisk themselves away into their imagination and
take a break from the day-to-day tasks of life. Again, I love to read them as well.
Romance novels have been around long before television was available. Jane Austin
is just one of many well-known and beloved older authors that have sent women’s
hearts ablaze for centuries. Since 1949, Harlequin Enterprises has been just one of
many romance novel publishers that have privately and alluringly filled women’s
hearts and minds for years. Even today, romance writers are not in short supply.
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Danielle Steel, Nora Roberts, and Nicholas Sparks are just a few of the high-demand
writers of modern romance novels that capture women’s hearts today.
Romance novels are still a growing market and getting even more graphic in their
need to reach the cracked parts of women’s heart’s desires. The love and laughter,
seductiveness, and sexual promiscuity within the pages really can, like a drug, add to
the numbing and false filling of our hearts, but after the book is finished, it can create
dissatisfaction with reality, intense empty feelings, and deepening hollow spaces in
a women’s heart.
We must take caution and yield to the Holy Spirit’s alarm system with what we read
to make sure we fill our hearts with Christ first and foremost to prevent the calculating
deception within our hearts that leave us wanting or idealizing scenes in our minds
and leave us feeling unfulfilled, especially with our husbands.
Social Media
Being on social media is a way of life for most of us and it’s not going anywhere. In
fact, this global avenue of personal connectedness is only growing and developing
at record speeds. I’m not advocating getting off of social media, but highlighting the
fact that it can fill voids and take us away from His complete love and ultimately our
marriages if we are not careful.
We must stay alert as individuals and as married couples and set appropriate
boundaries because it can be a tactic of the enemy to entrap us. Firm lines need to
be drawn for who and what we are watching and how long we are engaging with the
content. This action is vital to a healthy heart in Christ and marriage.
Whatever the social media platform, be warned that it can subtly create a posture of
discontentment in your life and marriage. More specifically, it can lead you to believe
who you are, what you have, who is in your life, and where you live is not enough.
I suggest you take a minute to consider this section and not move on to further
reading. Even if you have a business on social media, this section may be far more
serious than you think. We can become spiritually blind to what “easily ensnares us”
(Hebrews 12:1). Please discuss this with your spouse or an accountability partner if
you struggle in this area and plan healthy social media engagement. A personal
relationship with Christ takes committed time and a willingness and desire to grow.
Therefore, make sure to limit and learn to keep it from steering you away from His
life-giving and complete love.
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Porn
Men are not the only ones addicted to porn. Unfortunately, so are women. Men
and women have a strong desire to be filled in their hearts and physically. This is
understandable because our Creator built both genders for this kind of intimacy.
Without His satiating non-physical love, unfulfilled longings in this area can take such
an immoral and perverted turn with absolute frightful circumstances, not only in a
woman’s daily life but also in terms of salvation.
The Word warns us to turn our eyes away from “worthless things” and preserve our
lives according to the Word (Psalm 119:37). It also states a dire and ominous fact
that the sexually immoral will not inherit the kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9). This
harsh truth is sobering to those women (and men) who view porn. But take heart,
no temptation can overtake you, for God provides a way of escape (1 Corinthians
10:13). Wake up to this slimy money-making business of what could be seen as
someone’s precious daughter’s enslavement (or sons, for that matter). Even though
they seem willing on the screen, I believe if they truly knew His love, they would not
be in this drug-fueled, sacrilegious business that creates illusions of grandeur and
self-fulfillment or worth.
This business is financially lucrative, demonically charged, and growing yearly.
Marriages and families are being destroyed! Sex is a sacred marital act between two
loving healthy-minded people. Anything less than this is not from God. It has become
a satanic profession that the world has normalized and that we must wake up to
before it is too late! His return is imminent. The trumpet will soon sound unexpectedly
and without being forewarned. Get in the right relationship with Him today and resist
and run from the enemy’s clutches straight into His whole and satiating heart that,
through prayer and obedience in this area, may surprise you in bringing your marriage
into the blessed and sacred relationship it was always meant to be.
Closing
Prayer: Spend some time praying the prayer below. Fill in the blanks as you see fit.
Lord, Your love is perfect, complete, and all I need. Help me to accept and receive
it all right now. Pour out Your love into my heart to overflow through the power of
the Holy Spirit. I admit that I had no idea that Your complete love was meant for this
created heart and that no human, thing, or media outlet can satisfy it completely. I
also admit that I had no idea how specific and filling it could be. I acknowledge the
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following statements below and ask that You work on it with me to fill my heart with
Your love now and for eternity.
love the most
I acknowledge that I need Your
right now. (See Christ’s heart above.)
love and
I acknowledge the need for Your
love as well. (See Christ’s heart above.)
I acknowledge that I need to reread and gain understanding of the scriptures above
tailored to these specific areas and seek other similar scriptures to fill my heart to
overflowing.
I acknowledge I need to make sure I am in line with Your love and will create healthy
(i.e., media outlet
boundaries in the areas of
above) to be free, fearless, content, and living the abundant life You died for me to
have as well as with my spouse (John 10:10).
I acknowledge that You are returning soon, and the Bride is making herself
ready, including me. Therefore, I will live in light of Your sacrifice on the Cross
and Your return without shame or guilt, especially releasing myself in the area of
and press on to obtain the imperishable crown
(1 Corinthians 9:25, John 2:28).
In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.
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Section 3 | Weeks 4–5
An Extraordinary
Christian Marriage
On Display to the World
He’s Favored, She’s the Gift
“The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and
he receives favor from the LORD.” (Proverbs 18:22,
NLT)
“A man’s greatest treasure is his wife-she is a gift
from the LORD.” (Proverbs 18:22, CEV)
T
“A husband's role
in marriage is so
magnificent and
here is no such a thing as a perfect earthly
marriage, but take heart, Christ’s love for
the Church is the example to follow to have an
extraordinary Christian marriage. The truth is our
husbands are flawed, and so are we. In addition,
as we read in the first week’s study, many of us,
single, dating, or married, have been misguided
by culture, society, and unhealthy marital relationships we witnessed in our lives. As a result, we can be unaware of the roles
of husband and wife in the institution of marriage created by God. For example, a
husband’s role in marriage is so magnificent and noble that it mirrors Christ Himself,
who sacrificed Himself for His Bride, the Church. As Christ is the Head of the church,
husbands are also the head of their earthly marriage and home. What a critical role
and responsibility in this world!
noble that it mirrors
Christ Himself.
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Marriage is first and foremost a divine royal calling that represents the loving union
between Christ and the Church. Our marriages are to reflect the intimate and sacred
relationship between the Bridegroom and Bride that, by example, can draw others
to want to be in union with Him themselves! Yes, marriage is joyful and fulfilling, but
more importantly, our Bridegroom wants our Christian marriages to be healthy and
vibrant on display to the world in need of a Savior (John 17:24).
Knowing our royal spousal identities, roles, and completeness in Christ, elevates a
Christian marriage above the world’s standard and changes the perspective and
attitudes of each spouse toward each other. Unfortunately, I genuinely believe many
husbands and wives have been blinded to what marriage truly is and deceived into
roles that do not entirely line up with the truth of God’s Word. After the newness
wears off, they can begin to operate in extremes that create an imbalance in the
relationship that does not mirror Christ and His church. For example, knowingly or
unknowingly, a husband or wife can become dominating and controlling or passive
and stagnant. Spouses can be duped into thinking they have to unrealistically
measure up to be the perfect husband or wife or, on the other hand, cease from
growing and maturing for the benefit of the marriage. Above all, the goal of this
week’s study is not to put husbands or wives in a negative light in any way but to
inform spouses of the roles of husband and wife as laid out in His Word and to
begin opening the dialogue of what a marriage designed by God may look like for
His honor and glory.
With a focus on building a healthy and thriving marriage through Christ’s example,
another goal of this study is to blast through the fog of the enemy that is keeping our
marriages from being all that God created them to be. Let’s be clear here, the enemy
comes at marriages hard and is relentless. He knows that marriages represent Christ
and His beloved, but he also knows it is the mechanism to build secure and happy
children of God that will make a difference for His kingdom. If you are in a constant
state of turmoil or tension in your marriage, be aware of the roaring lion on the prowl
seeking to destroy what God has joined together (Mark 10:9, 1 Peter 5:8). Ultimately,
we know we do not wrestle with flesh and blood but with an enemy that seeks to
steal, kill, and destroy the joy between you and your spouse (John 10:10). As a result,
we must shed His light through His Word and resist the enemy through obedience
until he flees so we can live in an abundant and thrilling marriage made not of
fairytales but, even better, of a solid foundation in Christ.
This isn’t a traditional discussion on marriage. I won’t be scratching the surface or
suggesting a couple’s retreat to build communication skills or enhance intimacy. Not
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that this type of getaway isn’t helpful, but I am speaking of the kind of discussion
where spouses open their hearts to let God touch their marriage with His healing
hand and build it into the ultimate health and wholeness through His example in
His Word. Specifically, I am referring to getting the relationship in the mundane days
right where, like Christ toward His church, is always present, passionate, cherishing,
nurturing, and understanding beyond our comprehension.
We will begin to piece together how husbands should love their wives as Christ loves
the Church and the role wives equally play in the relationship. For example, wives
play a vital role in returning a husband’s love, treasuring him, and respecting his
leadership role. These next two weeks, let’s sharpen the blurred truths and purposes
the enemy tries to keep from us about our marriages. Let’s see each other in our
Christ-centered royal spousal identities and roles through His lens and lift our men
up like Christ into their powerful positions as godly leaders and husbands and be the
powerful and precious wives He so dearly loves that represent His blood-bought
Church. Let’s align with His Word and have an extraordinary Christian marriage made
by the hand of God.
Know this
God has favored your husband, and you are his gift (Proverbs 18:22). Like the Bride is
a gift to Jesus, God has chosen you just for him. God says let Us make them in our
image, both male and female (Genesis 1:27). This indicates that both men and women
resemble God in this world. Granted, husbands have been given the leadership
position as the head of their homes here on earth, but each is an equal heir in the
Kingdom, and each displays the different attributes of the nature of God beautifully
here on earth.
Can you see how marriage is important to God, especially as an undivided front as His
royal ambassadors? We must bring order to our marriage not only for our benefit but
for the sake of being the united image of God Himself. The “mystery” of leaving our
mother and father to become one flesh has been revealed from the creation of male
and female as the union that is the reflective covenantal commitment of Christ and
His Church (Ephesians 5:31–32)! At the end of the age, when we sit at the table of the
Marriage Supper of the Lamb, earthly marriage will be dissolved, and we will finally
see His purpose of marriage—to create life and portray the loving unification of Christ
and His Beloved Bride.
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Scriptural Truths
Marriage is a Reflection
Please circle all the words in the following scriptures that refer to husbands and
wives in Christ.
“A man’s greatest treasure is his wife—she is a gift from the LORD.” (Proverbs 18:22,
CEV)
“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.“ (Proverbs
18:22, NIV)
“So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created
them; male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:27, NLT)
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and
the two will become one flesh. This mystery is profound, but I am speaking about
Christ and the church.” (Ephesians 5:31–32, BSB)
“Honor Christ by submitting to each other.” (Ephesians 5:21, TLB)
“Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support
for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his
church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ
as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.”
(Ephesians 5:22–24, MSG)
“For the husband is head of the wife, as Christ is head of the church, Himself being the
Savior of the body.” (Ephesians 5:23, AMP)
“But as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives should be subject to their
husbands in everything [respecting both their position as protector and their
responsibility to God as head of the house].” (Ephesians 5:24, AMP)
“Husbands, love your wives, [seek the highest good for her and surround her with a
caring, unselfish love], just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for
her, so that He might sanctify the church, having cleansed her by the washing of
water with the word [of God], so that [in turn] He might present the church to Himself
in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be
holy [set apart for God] and blameless.” (Ephesians 5:25–27, AMP)
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“Even so husbands should and are morally obligated to love their own wives as [being
in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself.” (Ephesians 28,
AMP)
“That is how husbands should treat their wives, loving them as parts of themselves.
For since a man and wife are now one, a man is really doing himself a favor and loving
himself when he loves his wife!” (Ephesians 5:28, TLB)
“For no one ever hated his own body, but [instead] he nourishes and protects and
cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members (parts) of
His body.” (Ephesians 5:29–30, AMP)
“Every part of you is so beautiful, my darling. Perfect your beauty without flaw within.”
(Song of Songs 4:7, TPT)
“FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND HIS MOTHER AND
SHALL BE JOINED [and be faithfully devoted] TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL
BECOME ONE FLESH. This mystery [of two becoming one] is great; but I am speaking
with reference to [the relationship of] Christ and the church.” (Ephesians 5:31–32, AMP)
“However, each man among you [without exception] is to love his wife as his very
own self [with behavior worthy of respect and esteem, always seeking the best for
her with an attitude of lovingkindness], and wife [must see to it] that she respects and
delights in her husband [that she notices him and prefers him and treats him with
loving concern, treasuring him, honoring him, and holding him dear].” (Ephesians 5:33,
AMP)
“It was thus that Sarah obeyed Abraham [following his guidance and acknowledging
his headship over her by] calling him lord (master, leader, authority). And you are
now her true daughters if you do right and let nothing terrify you [not giving way to
hysterical fears or letting anxieties unnerve you].” (1 Peter 3:6, AMPC)
“In the same way you married men should live considerately with [your wives], with an
intelligent recognition [of the marriage relation], honoring the woman as [physically]
the weaker, but [realizing that you] are joint heirs of the grace (God’s unmerited favor)
of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. [Otherwise you
cannot pray effectively.]” (1 Peter 3:7, AMPC)
“In the same way, you husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way [with
great gentleness and tact, and with an intelligent regard for the marriage relationship],
as with someone physically weaker, since she is a woman. Show her honor and
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respect as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered
or ineffective. (1 Peter 3:7, AMP)
“Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which He
has given you under the sun-all the days of vanity and futility. For this is your reward in
life and in your work in which you have labored under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes 9:9 AMP)
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“If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:18,
AMP)
“and never return evil for evil or insult for insult [avoid scolding, berating, and any kind
of abuse], but on the contrary, give a blessing [pray for one another’s well-being,
contentment, and protection]; for you have been called for this very purpose, that you
might inherit a blessing [from God that bring well-being, happiness, and protection].”
(1 Peter 3:9, AMP)
“And if we think that our present service for him is hard, just remember that someday
we are going to sit with him and rule with him. But if we give up when we suffer, and
turn against Christ, then he must turn against us.” (2 Timothy 2:12, TLB)
The Marriage Design
A Symbiotic Dance
According to the Word, Christ’s relationship with the Church is the example to follow
in our earthly marriage. When we understand and exemplify that relationship, our own
marriage can thrive. That is why this book focuses on how Christ loves the Church.
We can only truly love our spouses because He first loved us and then shows us how
to love even to the point of sacrifice (John 13:35, John 15:13, 1 John 4:19–20).
Christ has always had His heart and mind on His bride. He created us (Revelation
4:11). He chose us (Ephesians 1:4). He left the 99 for us (Matthew 18:12). He spiritually
birthed us (John 1:13, 3:5–8). And many more firsts of Christ, through His fervent love,
reaching out to us, knocking on the door of our hearts, and seeking that which was
lost. He is our Great Shepherd running after His beloved sheep. He pursues His
bride continuously and relentlessly from His heart to nourish, protect, and cherish
(Ephesians 5:29). This isn’t butterflies at the beginning of a relationship that then fades.
It’s an ongoing relationship that grows in knowledge and closeness led by Christ
from His heart and reciprocated by us with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength
(Luke 10:27).
Considering the example of love that our Bridegroom has provided, a husband is
also instructed to have a passion for the marriage relationship. He must lead the
charge to nourish, protect, and cherish it as well. Indeed, marriage in Christ begins
with a husband’s decision to follow in the Bridegroom’s footsteps. And as a result, he
will love and care for his wife and their union to the best of his ability.
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With that being said, the responsibilities associated with having and maintaining
a healthy marriage are not all on the husband. Marriage is designed to be a
symbiotic dance, so to speak. A symbiotic relationship gives and takes and is
meant to benefit both parties. However, sometimes one party may choose not to
participate, causing neither party to benefit. In other words, it is a relationship that
either benefits or suffers based on each other’s actions and counteractions. This is
truly what “oneness” in marriage looks like. It is a relationship where the husband,
like Christ, wholeheartedly initiates, and the wife must wholeheartedly reciprocate
for it to work (see table below).
To be honest, the word “symbiotic” was not part of my vocabulary. I remember the
idea coming to mind, but I wasn’t sure I understood it. I began studying the term
and became excited about it because it all began to make sense to me—this term
described the order of marriage. It is a seed and harvest truth God put in place in
creation, however, the difference here is that someone must lead (Christ, Head,
husband, action) and someone must follow (Bride, Body, wife, counteraction) as
in a dance. This intentional and loving action and counteraction are key to joyful
communion with one another, beginning with the appointed leader.
In stagnant or difficult marriages, many women lead the charge to get their
marriages back on track. They spend countless hours researching online, buying
marriage or self-help books, listening to podcasts, and even seeking counseling.
They may try to talk to their husbands about solutions and devise a plan, but over
time it falls flat, and changes made are short-lived. Temporary efforts become
legalistic to-do lists and endless marital analysis turns into long and draining
discussions that can lead to arguments. I believe that is because husbands, in
their God-appointed leadership roles, are the primary change agents, and when
they are fully attached to the Vine, “fixing” the marriage becomes effortless and
productive. Again, a symbiotic relationship requires both husband and wife to take
responsibility in the marriage, but the leader of the union, like Christ, initiates the
charge for lasting change.
Listed below is just a snippet of the symbiotic relationship between Christ and
His Church and how in His Word, the relationship between husband and wife are
instructed to live and thrive in a symbiotic relationship. This begins with the loving
action of the husband, like Christ towards us, His Church, and then the loving
reciprocated counteraction by the wife. It’s like a beautiful dance with the husband
leading.
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Christ and His Church
CHRIST FIRST
CHURCH RESPONDS
POSITIVE ACTION AND RESPONSE
If this (actionable
Then this (actionable effect)
Benefits (of positive cause and effect)
cause)
Christ
Church
Sacrifice on the Cross
Believes, accepts the free
gift of salvation through faith,
repents
Eternal life, abundant life, His righteousness,
kingdom inheritance, no condemnation, set free,
forgiveness, released from law, bride of Christ, child
of God, heir and co-heir, royal ambassador
Christ in you (the Holy
Spirit sent and His
Word)
Abide or remain in Him, keep
His words in you, ask whatever
you wish
Bear much fruit, have whatever asked for according
to His will, Father glorified, true disciples
New creation in Christ
Put on new self (regenerated
and renewed self)
Christlikeness, expresses to God gratitude for your
salvation
Eternal Treasures
available
Heart and action for Christ
Eternal treasures at Bema Seat (Judgement Seat of
Christ)
Husband and Wife
Husband
Wife
Sacrifices himself for his wife (unselfish, caring, seeks
the highest good, the attitude of lovingkindness)
Accepts and abides in his sacrificial love, returns love
from an overflowing heart in Christ
Reads and studies the Word of God with wife, prayer
Joins in reading and studying Word of God and in prayer
Loves wife as his very own self (nourishes, protects,
cherishes)
Respects, esteems, notices him, prefers him, lovingly
concerned for, treasures him, honors him, holds him dear
Understands, respects, honors wife as co-heirs with
gentleness and tact, recognizing weaker sex, has
an intelligent regard for the marriage, thoughtful of
needs
Recognizes appointed leadership in the home,
submission, obedience, unanxious, unintimidated
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ONE POSITIVE/ONE NEG OR BOTH NEG
Scriptures
ACTION AND RESPONSE
Consequences (of negative cause or effect)
Perish, hell, held captive, old creation, under
old covenant, under law, separated from God
for eternity, everlasting fire, cursed, punished,
will not see His glory
Matthew 25:41, Luke 22:20, John 3:16, John 10:10, Romans 6:23,
Romans 7:6, Romans 8:1–39, 1 Corinthians 6:9–10, 2 Corinthians
3:6, 2 Corinthians 5:17, Hebrews 8:13, Hebrews 9:15, Colossians
1:21, 2 Thessalonians 1:9
No fruit, can do nothing, thrown away and
withered branch
John 15:1–8
Continues in former nature
2 Corinthians 5:17, Ephesians 4:24 AMP
No rewards
Psalm 62:12, Matthew 6:19–21, 27, Romans 14:10, 1 Corinthians
3:13, 2 Corinthians 5:10, 1 Timothy 6:19, Revelation 22:12
Feels loved, honored, valued, and passionate
for
Husband and wife may become
self-oriented
Ephesians 5, James 4
Unified in Christ, peaceful and purposeful
May stunt growth and lean on
destructive worldly knowledge
Matthew 18:19, John 17:17,
Acts 2, Romans 15:4,
Ephesians 5, Colossians 2, 1
Timothy 3, 2 Timothy 3
Satiated marriage, example of Christ and His
Bride
May have imbalance i.e.,
dominating or passive on either
side, stagnant marriage
Ephesians 5, James 4
Mutual love, honor, and respect as heirs and
co-heirs of the Kingdom, ambassadors for
Christ, extraordinary marriage knowing royal
calling and obedience to Word
Husband’s prayers hindered,
not given ready answers,
ineffective, or cut off
1 Peter 3:7 (AMP, AMPC,
MSG, TLB), Galatians 6:2
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?
What actions or inactions on your part or your husband’s part have become noticeable
to you after reading this section?
What is one positive action you can discuss with your husband this week that he may need
to take in pursuit of you and what subsequent counteraction can you take in response?
Remember, it’s a dance.
Rocklike Husbands
As Christ is the Head of the Church
Throughout Scripture, our Lord is described as a rock (Deuteronomy 32:4, Psalm 18:2,
Psalm 18:46, Isaiah 26:4, Matthew 7:24, Corinthians 10:4). Rocks are solid and durable,
which perfectly describes our Bridegroom. He provides the only foundation upon
which we can build our lives. Therefore, He is the example for husbands striving to
provide for and protect their wives and families. Day in and day out, we may not even
realize our Rock’s (visible and invisible) power, stability, and steadfastness. The same
can be said of our husbands when they are rooted in a firm foundation of Christ’s
leadership. The head of every husband is Christ, and the head of every wife is our
Rock-like husbands (Ephesians 5:23, 1 Corinthians 11:3).
Naturally, our husbands aren’t perfect and may make mistakes daily or fall short in
loving us specifically in the way we may need, but make no mistake, they deserve
our sincere thankfulness for their characteristics made in the image of God. This
firm foundation of Christ through our husbands cannot be overlooked. We must see
the good qualities of our men before we can get to the specific responsibilities and
exercises below aimed to inform and bring focus toward a healthier marriage.
Many wives, including myself, were in a fog and misguided by the world when we first
married. We were diamonds in the rough of our immaturity and limited perspective.
At times, our emotions were out of control, as we were either hormonal, overworked,
or just plain exhausted with kids, pets, and our homes. Thankfully, our husbands, with
Christ-like characteristics, stepped in many times and became our rocks. They often
unknowingly employed qualities like stillness, quick problem-solving, controlled
emotions, strong faith, and resolve to keep pushing forward that kept us grounded
and secure. And in likeness to Christ, I am sure there were times when you were
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going through a storm of life and your husband stepped in and quietly said prayers
without you even knowing, or made a phone call to set things right for you and the
family to make it through to the other side. Those may have been the times when
you could not carry it any further in your own strength, and he bore it all on his back.
We each have a role to play, but we will never know what goes through their minds or
the burdens they carry as God’s appointed leaders. We are simply called to different
roles and responsibilities. God designed us and our marriages like this, and we honor
and respect our husbands for their unique qualities within their leadership roles.
Despite our husband’s flaws, we can celebrate and thank God for them. Deep down I
genuinely believe that most, if not all, husbands waited for you at the end of the aisle
on your wedding day because they sincerely love you and want to be your rock just
as Christ is for the Church.
List a few Rock-like characteristics that you see in your husband. Share one this week
and thank him for being obedient to his role in good times and bad.
Name a situation where you needed your husband, and he came through for you
when you did not have the required strength. Share it with him this week.
The Woman at the Well
An Overflowing Loved Heart
But whoever drinks the water that I give him will never be thirsty again. But the water
that I give him will become in him a spring of water [satisfying his thirst for God]
welling up [continually flowing, bubbling within him] to eternal life. The woman said
to Him, ‘Sir, give me this water, so that I will not get thirsty nor [have to continually]
come all the way here to draw.’ At this, Jesus said, ‘Go, call your husband and come
back.’ The woman answered, ‘I do not have a husband.’ Jesus said to her, ‘You have
correctly said, ‘I do not have a husband’; for you have had five husbands, and the
man you are now living with is not your husband. You have said this truthfully.’ (John
4: 14–18, AMP)
No matter how hard or how little your husband tries to be the perfect husband
instructed by God’s Word, he will never be able to satisfy the thirst you have deep
within your heart and soul. Only Christ can fill this hole because He is the only perfect
Bridegroom. He watches over you and your needs, and He meets them by filling them
to overflowing. The love between you and Christ is satiating beyond what another
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human being can offer you. Your husband did not nor cannot sacrifice himself and
meet the requirements of a holy and perfect God. In his finiteness, he cannot fully see
nor fulfill what your heart desires most. We can go from argument to argument with
our spouse, hoping and even begging to be satisfied in the deepest places, but will
inevitably be led back to the well, dehydrated, and desperate for more of what only
He can give…the Living Water that never runs dry.
?
What is one deep need you can fully give to God that your husband is not quite
reaching in the depths of your heart?
Take 5 minutes and google a scripture that says that this need has been met fully in
Christ. For example, to be listened to in John 9:31. Write down Scripture here:
Resentment and Unforgiveness
Cleansing and Moving Forward
“What I am eager for is that all the Christians there will be filled with love that comes
from pure hearts and that their minds will be clean and their faith strong.” (1 Timothy
4:6, TLB)
Before couples can make progress in restoring or improving their marriages,
resentment and unforgiveness from past errors must be faced and flushed out.
Through the lens of our inherited sin, both husband and wife can come to terms
with their failings and seek to free each other from them for the betterment of their
marriage. Whatever may have casually or even intentionally been done or said, when
we recognize that we all fall short and that Christ’s sacrifice covers all past, present,
and future mistakes, we can move past them.
The goal is a healthy marriage. If we stay in resentment and unforgiveness, it will
keep us in a toxic state. He forgave us and we must do likewise. How many times
did Christ say to forgive someone? Not seven, but seventy times seven (Matthew
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18:21–22). Remember, we are joint-heirs in the kingdom, and God has no favorites
(Romans 2:11, 1 Peter 3:7). In the future, I believe unforgiveness and resentment can
be mainly avoided with behavior that is in line with knowing and acting on each other’s
royal identity in Christ and/or marital roles and commands outlined in the Word of God.
Exercise
Write down below three major offenses and three major praises of both husband
and wife. I would suggest doing this privately first by taking it to God in prayer and
approaching it with love before discussing and cleansing it out together. Writing
three offenses followed by three praises will soften the tone of discussion and keep
the perspective that we are all flawed and at the same time, by His grace, have
redeeming value.
Once listed, sincerely ask each other for forgiveness of wrongs and then, say thank
you for what each other has done or does right. This activity will help you accept each
other’s weaknesses and delight in each other’s God-given strengths moving your
marriage into a newly cleansed state. If there are additional offenses, please redo the
process with three of each, offenses and praises, to maintain perspective once again
and keep the conversations in balance.
Ask the Lord to move you both forward with hands on the plow, fit for kingdom
purposes, and not be bogged down as a tactic of the enemy (Luke 9:62). After this
exercise is complete, I encourage you both to read the following prayer and finally
put to rest the past and look forward to the future unified in Him.
Three Major Offenses
Three Major Praises
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Daily Prayer of Forgiveness
Dear Lord,
I know that
(spouse’s names) are equally part
of the chosen and dearly loved Bride in the kingdom of God. As ambassadors for
Christ on earth, individually and as one flesh, we operate with this mindset daily and
recognize that Your blood has washed away all offenses—past, present, and future.
Therefore, we ask that You set our minds on the things above and not below so that
we may represent You well. If any mistake was made intentionally or unintentionally,
please forgive us as we know we are nothing without You. By Your grace alone, we
move, breathe, and have our being for Your purpose and glory. We lay it all down and
see each other in Your righteousness and treat each other the way You treat us—by
forgiving and forgetting it all.
Today is a new day, and we flush out the enemy’s guilt, shame, and lies in our minds
and hearts. We recognize that when we are under condemnation, it will rob us of the
revelation of God and stifle His divine plan and abundance for our lives (Romans 8:1).
We also understand that it prevents us from seeing what You want us to see. Under
this tyranny of the enemy, we are blind and lame, unable to walk in worthy of the Lord
(2 Samuel 5:8).
You said in your Word that the mercies You provide every morning refresh us to clear
our minds and walk in the truth of Your complete forgiveness. (Lamentations 3:22–23,
Colossians 1:10). We finally see this and accept this undeserved grace and offer it to
each other for Your glory and our good. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Step Out of the Fight
Sacrifice for Her
“Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it.“
(Ephesians 5:25 ESV)
Like in the first week of this study, come with me into my imagination of what it may
have looked like on the day our Lord and Savior, our Bridegroom, chose to sacrifice
Himself for His Bride, the Church. This sacrificial love seemed to have been exhibited
in the Garden of Gethsemane or on the Cross, but maybe, just maybe, it was also
shown when He stood bound in chains before Pilate and did not respond when
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questioned. Or perhaps it was when He didn’t argue back when the Jewish accusers
cried out to crucify Him. Let’s go into the vivid scene in Pilate’s palace.
After the rooster crowed three times and after the trial before Caiaphas, He entered
the palace of the Roman governor, Pontius Pilate. A mob of Jews was there, choosing
to stand outside. They were terrified of being defiled by Him before Passover. After
hearing their cries to crucify Him, Pilate went to the balcony and asked them what
He had done wrong to warrant such an extreme death. To them, He was guilty of
heresy. He claimed He was the Son of God and a King, not of this world. Determined,
they declared no other king but Caesar. Pilate, believing he had the power to release
or crucify Him, turns to Jesus and questions Him. He asked why He wouldn’t defend
Himself before him. Jesus responds by saying that Pilate had no authority to decide
whether He lived or not unless it was given to him from above (John 19:11).
At the same time, the chief priests standing by Pilate, accused Him of many other
crimes. And then, as if you could hear a pin drop, Jesus said absolutely nothing. He
knew His position in the eternal Kingdom and purpose for being there. This purpose
was to sacrifice Himself for His Beloved. Afraid of a riot, Pilate placated the crowd and
ordered the Roman soldiers to take Him into the barracks of the palace and have His
back whipped until it oozed with blood. Mocking Him, the soldiers placed a crown
of sharp thorns on His head and wrapped Him in a royal scarlet robe before being
brought back before the salivating and deranged crowd. The crowd continued to cry
out in loyalty to the wicked world from which He came to save them.
After Pilate gave Him over to the Jews’ request to crucify, I imagine the moment
transpiring as a foreshadowing of the example of His sacrificial love for husbands
(Ephesians 5:25). At that moment, before being led away to Calvary, He took a vivid
picture in His mind of His beautiful Bride established before the foundation of the
world standing outside. Despite their cries, He was about to give everything—His
very life—for her.
I can see Him turning His feet to leave with the bloody earthly robe trailing behind
Him and pausing for what seemed like an eternity behind the guards. Then, looking
back at husbands, he spoke in a gentle and resolved tone, “Go and do likewise for
your wife, your beloved. Know who you are in My Kingdom. Know your royal status
as heir, co-heir, and ambassador. Know that you are chosen, appointed, and on a
mission as her leader like I am. Be still and quiet. Don’t defend. Don’t argue back. Rest
in the Father’s gaze. Choose her in obedience resisting the nearby enemy. Show My
love by sacrificing for her. In doing so, you will love her like I love the Church, and her
beauty will emerge and shine for the whole world. Will you do this for Me?”
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This is a call to husbands from their King to follow Him and get out of the ring of
conflict and self-righteousness. They must step out of the tug-of-war with their wives
and into their appointed leadership position. I’m not saying they should tolerate
abuse of any kind due to their Christlike humility, but they should make sure they rely
on His grace to lower themselves momentarily to de-escalate conflicts to the best of
their ability. This will require a heart change and shift in mindset. They must seek to
understand their wives—even when it may seem abnormal or uncomfortable. They
must follow Jesus in His love for His Church by putting up with her cries and screams
for a minute and sacrificially pouring out their love for their wives, even when they
feel the injustice of misunderstanding or the pain of criticism. They need to rush over
to their wives with open arms like Christ on the cross to embrace her into wholeness.
“I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Live within my love. When you
obey me you are living in my love, just as I obey my Father and live in his love. I have
told you this so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your cup of joy will overflow! I
demand that you love each other as much as I love you. And here is how to measure
it—the greatest love is shown when a person lays down his life for his friends; and
you are my friends if you obey me. I no longer call you slaves, for a master doesn’t
confide in his slaves; now you are my friends, proved by the fact that I have told you
everything the Father told me. You didn’t choose me! I chose you! I appointed you
to go and produce lovely fruit always, so that no matter what you ask for from the
Father, using my name, he will give it to you.” (John 15:9–16, TLB)
“I command you before God who gives life to all, and before Christ Jesus who gave
a fearless testimony before Pontius Pilate, that you fulfill all he has told you to do, so
that no one can find fault with you from now until our Lord Jesus Christ returns. For
in due season Christ will be revealed from heaven by the blessed and only Almighty
God, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone can never die, who lives in light
so terrible that no human being can approach him. No mere man has ever seen him,
nor ever will. Unto him be honor and everlasting power and dominion forever and
ever. Amen.” (1 Timothy 6:13–15, TLB)
Reminder: Husbands are in a sanctification process, as are we. The example of Christ’s
sacrificial love is by far the most difficult task for any Christian, including husbands.
We must expect small changes and take small steps together. Even knowing these
truths, we may have setbacks and fall into the same routines (see Breakdowns to
Breakthroughs section below). Stay in joy, have patience, and pray for each other
unceasingly (Romans 12:12). With Christ at the center of our marriage, we lean on His
love and grace to move us both into His likeness for His glory.
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Nourish, Protect, and Cherish
The Commands of God
“For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and carefully protects and
cherishes it, as Christ does the church.” (Ephesians 5:29, AMPC)
In Ephesians 5, Paul calls husbands to nourish, protect, and cherish their wives as
Christ does the Church. In marriage, even in the healthiest ones, we can often lose
the spark for each other over time. Thank God that we have just three words that can
bring it back and restore the spark and even build an eternal fire that sets our one
body of husband and wife ablaze! Let’s look at what it looks like to be nourished,
protected, and cherished.
One Flesh
Husbands to Love Their Bodies
“In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who
loves his wife loves himself.“ (Ephesians 5:28, ESV)
Your body can represent how you love yourself.
Your body can represent how you love your wife.
The man who loves his wife loves himself.
Treat your wife as part of your own body.
No one ever hated his own body but nourishes, protects, and cherishes it.
Your body can represent the care Christ has for His bride.
He who loves himself does himself a favor as wife and husband are one.
Your body is God’s temple, and He paid a high price for it.
Note: The above section is taken directly from Ephesians 5:28–33 and 1 Corinthians
6:20 and, in general terms, is directed toward husbands in primarily good health. I am
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fully aware that many husbands (and wives) have real medical issues that may prevent
them from physical health. In those cases, it in no way reflects their love for themselves,
their wives, or how well they represent the care of Christ for His Church, His Body.
Nourish
I grew up in a home void of the Word of God and, as a result, was malnourished
spiritually and mentally. I found myself going from friend to friend and boyfriend to
boyfriend in search of others to nourish me in the way only God and your husband
ultimately can. You and your husband (or future husband) are one flesh in the eyes
of God, and he is instructed as the head to lead the charge to care for it to the best
of his ability. Remember, Paul reminds husbands that no one ever hated his own
body; they nourish it to make it healthy and strong. Our stomach sends signals to
our brains that it needs food, and in response, we eat a meal. Likewise, wives want
consistent spiritual, mental, and physical nourishment. It is the husband’s priority to
pay attention to his wife’s signals so he can provide accordingly. For example, a wife
may come across as slightly aggravated, overly sensitive, or unusually distant with
her husband. It is in those times, like when we are hungry or “hangry”, husbands may
need to “feed” their wives with encouraging words, focused time and attention, or
pray over her like Christ does the Church.
The word nourish in this text in Ephesians 5 refers specifically to training and maturing.
In addition to the work of the Holy Spirit, I believe Paul inferred that a husband is called
to help lead the growth and vitality of his wife as an example of the vibrant health and
development Christ seeks and manages for His beloved.
“
I grew up in a home void of the Word of God
and, as a result, was malnourished
spiritually and mentally.
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List some of the ways your husband can support your daily nourishing
needs below.
Spiritually
Mentally
Physically
Read the book of Psalms
Help her solve a pressing issue
Go on a weekly walk together
together
?
Which area of nourishment may need to be prioritized this week?
What is one thing you and your husband could add to your routine this week that can
make you feel healthy and vibrant?
Protects
Like many other women, I have always felt a need for extra protection. I believe this
is because I was bullied for many years by a neighborhood friend who tried to make
me feel worthless and invisible as a child. It was only until I learned of my Father’s right
hand that upholds me, how He covers me with His wings, and how He watches over
me day and night that I began the journey back to feeling safe (Isaiah 41:10, Psalm 32:8,
Psalm 121:5–8). His promise to deliver us from all our fears and love us so perfectly as
to cast out our fears eventually restores our minds and hearts.
I love that Paul stated that husbands are to protect their wives because a woman’s
sense of security is still needed here on earth. That security is foundational to the
stability of the relationship. Husbands play a highly influential and integral part in
their wives’ need for protection in their daily lives (See First and Last Adam section
below). This can sometimes come from feeling unsafe in this increasingly evil world,
having financial concerns at home, or spiritual attacks of the enemy on her image
and wellbeing. Whatever the reason, husbands are to play a leadership role as
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protectors on a physical level and a spiritual, mental, and emotional level, which are
so understated and needed by their wives.
List some of the ways your husband can support your need for protection
below.
Spiritually
Mentally
Physically
Read scriptures on protection
Put her first under God above
Routine car check-ups
together regularly
work and family
?
Which area of protection do you feel you need the most?
What is one small thing your husband could add to your routine this week for you to feel
safe?
Cherish
Cherishing is beyond infatuation and romance. It is a scriptural call for husbands to
be thankful and in awe of the bestowed gift from God. The wife is to be prioritized,
admired, and showcased publicly and privately as the diamond that sparkles in their
lives. Like a jewel in Christ’s crown, she shines for all to see (Isaiah 62:3, Proverbs
12:4). It is the desire of all wives to know that their husbands delight in them. They
want to hear that no matter how tired they look, they look beautiful to their husbands.
They want to be continuously pursued well beyond the dating days. They want to
be appreciated, doted on, and celebrated for being the perfect wife God chose for
them. They want to be listened to and empathized with and so much more.
Husbands must learn what it means to cherish and take action to do this command of
God and for wives to be open to it (see Romance vs. Cherish section below). Marriage
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is about day-to-day interactions. For example, being cherished on a Tuesday when
you are cooking dinner or are weary from work is more important to get right than
when on vacation. Don’t miss this. Being cherished is an intention of the heart like
Christ’s heart for His bride. It’s not meant to be occasional; it is continual and lifegiving. When a husband stands before Him and hands her over so to speak, may
he be proud of the cherishing love he gave her in the maturing process he led for
Christ’s honor and joy.
List some of the ways your husband can support your need to be cherished
daily. (See men’s study for different practical ways.)
Spiritually
Mentally
Physically
Thank God for her in prayer
Tell in-laws how wonderful she is
Loving glances
together
?
Which area do you need to be cherished the most?
What is one thing specifically your husband could do to make you feel cherished this
week?
The First and Last Adam
Leader and Protector
Protection is so important to women. Not only is the enemy coming on strong in a
world that is increasingly becoming a more dangerous place, but Satan’s attacks
from a mental and emotional standpoint through media outlets and elsewhere
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can be non-stop. Scriptures validate that need for protection as it is a command of
God given to husbands. I believe wives, and husbands for that matter, do not truly
understand how much they need a husband’s leadership and protection—especially
because women are the weaker vessel. We are not weaker as in unequal, but in
terms of a chain of command in the home and general terms of men made physically
stronger than women by design.
There is a devastating scene in the garden when Adam fails Eve in this area. This
is not a negative pounce on husbands but rather a call to see how important they
are in their leadership role. At that time, not only was Eve in his hands, but the fate
of the whole world to come. Like Adam, many husbands do not realize the serious
position and unknown power they hold in their marriage, families, and for Christ and
His kingdom.
We all know Eve was tempted, and Adam stood by and even tasted the forbidden
fruit she offered him, but what came afterward is even more telling. Adam, the union
leader, blamed Eve and made her out to be the problem. Thank God for the last
Adam, as referenced in 1 Corinthians 15:45. Jesus Christ overturned and reversed this
satanic dominion through the Cross but is still calling a husband to be the first to take
hold of their wife’s arm and pull them back from the tree. They must stand in the gap
and point out the enemy’s lies! They must lead their wives onto their knees in the
gardens of their homes to pray and worship the one and only true God for strength
to withstand Satan’s wily and deceptive ways. Then, they need to help lift their wives
back up onto their feet, take hold of them by the hand, and run with them as quickly
and as far away from evil as possible. Better yet, with every bit of strength left, a
husband needs to lift their wife up in their arms and carry them to safety.
To Adam, he said, ‘Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about
which I commanded you, you must not eat from it. Cursed is the ground because
of you, through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life.’ (Genesis
3:17, NIV)
?
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What is a moment in which your husband stood in his protective role?
What is a moment or a time in your marriage when your husband missed an opportunity
to stand in that protective role?
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Remember, he is flawed and, like every husband, has fallen short in their role.
This question brings to light God’s example as a full protector over His Church
(including you). Despite our husband’s weaknesses, He stands in the gap for you and
orchestrates every situation for your good (Romans 8:1, Romans 8:28).
Consider discussing your answers to these questions with your husband but make
sure you do so with a heart of understanding and forgiveness to move forward as
Christ did with Adam to reverse the curse.
Romance and Cherish
Two Separate Actions
Romance—a term originating in literature during medieval times centered around
the ideal of chivalry. It includes a strong physical attraction toward another person
and intense emotional feelings of love.26 Romance can be expressed through various
temporary ways, including holding hands, buying gifts, taking adventures, and
sharing candlelight dinners.
“
...wives are built to be cherished
and husbands are called to do it.
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Cherish—a higher spiritual calling to love someone dearly from the heart. To honor,
adore, tenderly care for, and treasure.27 To put them above themselves and be
proud to see them shine. It can build intimacy with someone consistently over time.
There is a distinct difference between a husband called to cherish his wife and
being romantic. I don’t have a statistic to back it up, but I believe most women
would rather be cherished than romanced. As per the Word, wives are built to be
cherished, and husbands are called to do it. Once a husband learns what it means
to cherish and acts accordingly (see synonyms), I believe the need to be romanced
lessens.
Romance and Cherish Scale Activity
On a scale from 1 to 10 (1 being the least and ten being the most), circle how much
romance and cherishing you are experiencing at present from your husband as a
benchmark. Put a square around the number you would like to have in the future
based on your own personal yet realistic needs.
This exercise monitors the growth in these areas and wives should be satisfied
with the results of small gains over time. Remember, our husbands are not perfect,
but recognizing their effort is critical to not live in fantasy from the media or in our
minds.
?
Romance
Cherish
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
What is one way your husband can romance you this week to move your number up the
scale one or two places?
What is one way your husband can cherish you this week to move your number up the
scale in one or two places?
In acknowledging that it is in Christ alone that all needs are met, what is one way, Christ
can fill your needs for romance and feel cherished?
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Top 4 Non-Negotiables, Needs, and Preferences
Boundaries and Desires
No matter the relationship, whether in marriage or business, non-negotiables,
needs, and preferences should be examined and solidified for that relationship to
be stable and thriving. These levels of requests can produce healthy boundaries
and sometimes fill hidden desires. Why are they important? Boundaries are walls
that keep your marriage safe inside and guard against what could destroy it from the
outside. Desires make your marriage enjoyable and even thrilling for each other, as
God intended. Over the course of a marriage, spouses may have casually spoken of
boundaries and desires, but writing them down generates a specific plan of action
that can set an exciting new tone and direction.
Marriage in Christ is more than a contract between two parties; it is a covenantal
relationship. A contract is enforceable by law on earth whereby a covenantal
agreement of marriage made before God, as you can imagine, carries much greater
weight. It is not merely a relationship that meets needs for gain, but one in which
each partner seeks to satisfy the other reasonably. The goal of the marriage in Christ
is growth and gratitude in honor of the One who ultimately joined it.
As Christ is the center of our marriage, we need His grace to accomplish this. Our
everyday life with kids and work can so easily distract us from our collective mission
and the health of our marriage (1 Corinthians 7:35, Hebrews 13:4). Marriage is the most
important relationship next to a personal relationship with Christ. It must be prioritized
and clarified that leaves no room for the enemy to break in and begin to steal, kill, and
destroy one of our greatest gifts.
Following is an exercise I believe can be very effective in defining boundaries and
desires in your marriage as it personally works in mine. This activity helps connect
to the most critical realistic non-negotiables, needs, and preferences that can
sometimes be suppressed and unmet in a marriage. And when conditions are
not met, it can produce adverse—and over the long haul, tragic—outcomes. It will
help define where lines may need to be drawn and access the longings of each
spouse or cooperatively remind one another of them. Accordingly, when writing
your non-negotiables, needs, and preferences, I suggest writing from a positive
perspective and doing this exercise when both parties are open, willing, and excited
to grow and achieve the best marriage. If this exercise leads to tension, hostility, or
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defensiveness, take a break, pray for God’s guidance, and read the scriptures listed
at the beginning of this section to gain perspective on marriage.
When completing this exercise, please remember that neither spouse is flawless. It
takes time to adjust to new requests, especially if you have been married for some
time. In addition, unrealistic boundaries or desires will most likely be received and
responded to as unreasonable. The goal is to be the best for each other united in
Him. Even with small actions taken because of this exercise, spouses can begin to
feel safer and more satiated being drawn together, maybe for the first time in a long
time.
I have included some examples below with scriptures to build the marriage on the
Rock that sustains us. You do not have to use scriptures, but naturally, it can help
solidify your non-negotiables, needs, and preferences requests.
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Top 4 Non-Negotiables
Please write your four non-negotiables that create trust and allow for a safe and
stable marriage. For your husband to understand them, please list specifics and an
example to help him know how to meet them to the best of his ability. You can add a
scripture, if needed, to keep requests in line with the Word. Below is an empty table
for your husband’s non-negotiables if he participates.
Example: Prioritize relationship | Pursue wife during the day | Encouraging text or call
| Ephesians 5:25, Philippians 2:3–4
Wife Top 4
Specifics
Examples
Scripture
Specifics
Examples
Scripture
Non-Negotiables
Husband Top 4
Non-Negotiables
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Top 4 Needs
Please write the four needs that produce a satisfying marriage for you. For your
husband to understand them, please list specifics and an example to help him know
how to meet them to the best of his ability. You can add a scripture, if needed, to
keep requests in line with the Word. Below is an empty table for your husband’s
needs if he chooses to participate.
Example: Prioritize health | Eat clean and exercise (if possible) | Activate a nutrition
plan and exercise routine (if possible) this week | 1 Corinthians 6:19–20, 1 Corinthians
7:4, 1 Corinthians 10:31, 3 John 1:2
Wife Top 4 Needs
Specifics
Husband Top 4 Needs
Specifics
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Examples
Examples
Scripture
Scripture
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Top 4 Preferences
Please write the four preferences that can produce a thrilling marriage. For your
husband to understand them, please list specifics and an example to help him know
how to meet them to the best of his ability. You can add a scripture, if needed, to
keep requests in line with the Word. Below is an empty table for your husband’s
preferences if he chooses to participate.
Example: Take interest in hobbies or dreams | Support and encourage with focused
attention | Participate (if possible) once a month | Philippians 2:4
Wife Top 4
Specifics
Examples
Scriptures
Specifics
Examples
Scripture
Preferences
Husband Top 4
Preferences
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A Wife’s Part to Play
A Call to Remember
Husbands are instructed to love their wives as Christ loves the Church through
sacrificing, nourishing, protecting, and cherishing them and so much more. We know
God has a specific design and path for this work in our husbands, so what is our
part? Listed below are some practical actions we can “remember” to take to love our
husbands and honor God during the process.
Remember your heavenly groom
“He alone is my beloved. He shines in dazzling splendor yet is still so approachablewithout equal as he stands above all others, waving his banner to myriads. The way
he leads me is divine, His leadership-so pure and dignified as he wears his crown of
gold. Upon this crown are letters of black written on a background of glory.” He sees
everything with pure understanding. How beautiful his insights-without distortion. His
eyes rest upon the fullness of the river of revelation, flowing so clean and pure. Looking
at his gentle face, I see such fullness of emotion. Like a lovely garden where fragrant
spices grow-what a man! No one speaks words so anointed as this one” (Song of Songs
5:10–13, TPT)
As you go through the ups and downs of marriage, you will feel unfulfilled and unseen
at times. The reality is that it’s normal to experience unmet needs. Some days you
both will feel in sync, while on other days, you may feel so distant and misunderstood
that you wonder why you are even together. That is when I encourage you to send
out an “SOS”. This SOS is an acronym for Song of Songs in the Old Testament. As
previously mentioned, this is the love of Christ written in a song or poem to the Bride.
I encourage you to read the Passion translation (TPT) daily until you fully take in the
depth of His love that fills you to overflowing.
Remember when you first met
“May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.” (Proverbs
5:18, NIV)
Can I take you back for just a moment when you first met your husband? Can you
recall something your husband did to get your attention? Was it the way he looked
at you, a gift he gave you, or a particular phone call you shared late into the morning
hours?
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I encourage you to go back in time with your husband in your mind. Visualize going
through one of the early days when you were getting to know each other. Recall the
moment when you thought to yourself, “Yes, this is the one.”
This doesn’t have to take much time. I believe a word or place will immediately come
to mind. Let it remind you of the reason why you both married. I also encourage
you from this day forward to choose to see him this way, again and again, all the
days of your life. Even if things are rocky or challenging, you can never be robbed of
these memories. As you soften to him, he may surprise you and find his way back to
that guy before all the responsibilities of marriage and kids. Let yourselves be two
strangers enjoying each other’s company again, and let God reconnect you for His
glory.
?
What is one thing you remember about God’s appointment for the two of you to meet?
Write a short prayer below thanking God for your husband and the joy you experienced
in the beginning. Ask Him to have you recall this moment in your daily life going forward
and refresh your marriage to be even better in the future than it was initially.
Remember God joined you together
“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Mark 10:9, NIV)
God has joined you and your husband into one flesh. It honors God to remember that
your union is an example of Christ and the Church. Putting this kingdom’s perspective
first can immediately change the mindset of your marriage to prioritize His glory and
honor in front of the world.
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?
What is one way you both, as one flesh, can honor God this week through your
marriage?
Remember to put on the full armor of God
“Last of all I want to remind you that your strength must come from the Lord’s mighty
power within you. Put on all God’s armor so that you will be able to stand safe against
all strategies and tricks of Satan. For we are not fighting against people made of
flesh and blood, but against persons without bodies-the evil rulers of the unseen
world, those mighty satanic beings and great evil princes of darkness who rule this
world; and against huge numbers of wicked spirits in the spirit world.” (Ephesians
6:10–18, TLB)
There is a fierce battle waging war against you and your husband. As a believer, I
know you may have heard the above scripture many times, making it more natural
to skim through it. Still, I challenge you to read through it carefully and consider
committing it to memory because the reality is that the enemy comes at you both
relentlessly, and if you aren’t vigilant and in tune with the Holy Spirit, you may not
recognize these day-to-day battles for what they are and where they come from. The
focus should not be on the opposition between a flawed husband and a flawed wife
necessarily but between our victorious Lord and the evil forces that seek to kill, steal,
and destroy our marriages (John 10:10).
Remember, Jesus is in the center of your marriage, so no matter how intense the
attack leads to arguments, even where you both lose complete control, He is in
the fire with you both, and nothing can touch you when you have your armor on. I
encourage you to follow Paul’s words and speak this verse over your marriage daily.
Don’t give Satan an inch.
Also, remember that your husband is under continual attack because he is a leader.
Our responsibility is to partner with him, not take the bait when things do not go
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our way. Remember, your strength is from His mighty power within you. Give your
marriage to God through the weapon of prayer, and then rest in His perfect power.
Remember to be positive
“Finally, believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect,
whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is pure and wholesome,
whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there
is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things
[center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart].” (Philippians 4:8, AMP)
It matters what we think. Despite what we may feel, planting positive seeds and
focusing on the good of our husband will reap a harvest of joy and thankfulness. Take
a minute and think of possible ways your husband is already meeting your needs
according to how Christ loves the Church and list them below. I encourage you to
focus on these attributes daily.
Physically protective
Good listener
Peacemaker
Thoughtful
Financial provider
Loyal
Knows you intimately
Encourager
Leader
?
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What are one or two positive attributes you identified in your husband?
How do these attributes contribute positively to you personally and to your marriage?
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Circle the positive thought(s) you can begin thinking about your husband as your
work to reframe your marriage to be a holy example to the world.
“I understand his
unique personality
“He is trying and will
and gifts. It may
never be perfect. This
take time to learn
is to be human.”
about and connect
to our strengths and
“Growth in Christ
takes time and I will
have patience in my
husband and myself.”
“He is forgiven and has
a clean slate daily like
Christ has towards me.”
commonalities.”
“He may be stuck, so
I will pray for him to
“He does not know yet
have the mind of Christ
my unspoken needs.”
and that he will put on
the full armor of God”
(Ephesians 6).
“He has proven he
has the capacity to
“He is not meant to
make better choices.
take the place of Jesus
With God for us, it will
in my life.”
eventually turn around.”
“He doesn’t know what
“He is being stubborn,
but I understand it’s
hard to change.”
“Habits are hard to
break for everyone.”
he is doing. His actions,
or lack thereof, do not
equate to my value in
“My needs are already
filled by Christ first.”
Christ.”
Remember to forgive and not hold resentment
“The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease.” (Lamentations 3:22,
NLT)
Start fresh with your husband every morning. Forgive and let go of the resentment
that can only hold you and the marriage back. See the good in him and focus on
that going forward in your day. As you go through this study, hopefully as a couple,
continually give yourselves to the Holy Spirit’s work to make the changes, He
shows you. Now that you are learning about your royal identity in Christ and the
completeness of Christ’s love for you that fills your heart, it is just a matter of time
before He works out everything for your good (Romans 8:28).
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Review the Resentment and Unforgiveness section and go over the prayer again if
needed.
Remember to be still and quiet
“...but let it be [the inner beauty of] the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable
quality and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, [one that is calm and selfcontrolled, not overanxious, but serene and spiritually mature] which is very precious in
the sight of God.” (1 Peter 3:4, AMP)
My husband grew up in Alabama and Georgia, where a gentle, sweet, and hospitable
southern personality drips off almost every man and a woman there equally.
Unfortunately for him, I did not grow up there. I tried to mirror his ways for many years
and become like him outwardly. It did work a bit, but God’s “fiery” side constantly
overtook my personality. Then one day, I realized I wasn’t going to be a gentile
southern belle, but I am whom God made me, and that’s more than fine.
I can be still and quiet on purpose when sleeping and in prayer. I can be still and quiet
when in the company of those who need to be heard and cared for. In other words,
you are who you are, and making a mental shift to be precious in the sight of God
is not necessarily every second of every day, but rather, more importantly, in critical
moments when appropriate.
In the same way, allowing your husband to speak, lead, or rest from the day requires
you to be still, calm, and quiet sometimes. Oh, how God adores us in these moments
as we respect and honor our husbands and the weight of the responsibilities of their
appointed role as the leader of our home!
?
In what way can you be still and quiet this week?
Remember to know his personality type and gifts
“God has given each of us the ability to do certain things well. So if God has given you
the ability to prophesy, then prophesy whenever you can-as often as your faith is strong
enough to receive a message from God. If your gift is that of serving others, serve them
well. If you are a teacher, do a good job of teaching. If you are a preacher, see to it
that your sermons are strong and helpful. If God has given you money, be generous in
helping others with it. If God has given you administrative ability and put you in charge
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of the work of others, take the responsibility seriously. Those who offer comfort to the
sorrowing should do so with Christian cheer.” (Romans 12:6–8, TLB)
On page 156, I have suggested a book on the Enneagram, a personality framework,
that I believe will be useful to help understand your husband more clearly in addition
to the spiritual gifts God has spread out across His body according to His plan. Your
husband is a masterpiece of His creation whom He loves and watches over equally as
He does you. (Psalm 121:5–8, Romans 2:11, Ephesians 2:10).
Understanding how your husband thinks and acts (which may be different from you)
is key to working together in our strengths and accepting each other’s weaknesses
to have a healthy marriage. Marriage is an institution to enjoy, but it is also a daily
sanctification tool to transform husbands and wives into His image.
?
What is one of your husband’s gifts for which you thank God?
What is one of his weaknesses that he may need you to accept as part of His God-given
personality?
Remember to respect their appointed leadership role and submit to them
“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your husbands [subordinate, not as inferior,
but out of respect for the responsibilities entrusted to husbands and their accountability
to God, and so partnering with them] so that even if some do not obey the word [of God],
they may be won over [to Christ] without discussion by the godly lives of their wives,
when they see your modest and respectful behavior [together with your devotion and
appreciation—love your husband, encourage him, and enjoy him as a blessing from
God].” (1 Peter 3:1–2, AMP)
God calls the husband to be the leader and for the wife to submit to his leadership as
the Church submits to the leadership of Christ. This is good news, wives. We can’t do
it all, and we weren’t designed to do it all, despite the take-charge attitudes of some
of us, if not most of us. However, we are not the appointed leaders in our homes. Are
we powerful, and do we have authority in Christ? Yes! But for the sake of two people
in the house, there can only be one leader; otherwise, we end up going toe-to-toe
and butting heads unnecessarily.
For example, a soldier’s life is no less important to God than a general’s life. Each
is equal in God’s eyes because they are both His creation and His children, but to
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win the battle, the general is appointed in charge so he can lead their army to a
victory safely and efficiently. Not everyone can be in a general’s position; otherwise,
everyone would vie for power and eventually lose their lives to the enemy.
This has been the enemy’s tactic from the beginning when he persuaded Eve that
she could be like God by knowing good and evil and thus overriding His leadership
with catastrophic consequences. Let’s respect the leadership role of our husbands,
who have been appointed by God Himself, so we can live the abundant life here and
win the race home to heaven together.
?
What is one thing you can do this week to show you understand this creation order and
respect and submit to your husband’s role as the leader in your daily life?
Remember to be content and classy
“...I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in
need, and I know to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and
every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all
this through Him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:11, NIV)
Most of us are struggling in some way, whether it be physically, mentally, or
financially. Day in and day out, the weight of our personal lives can weigh heavy upon
us. Thankfully we have a God who wants to shoulder it all. He has a plan and wants
you to cast it all on Him and seek contentment only found in Him (1 Peter 5:7).
Our husbands are human, so they will fail us continually—just as we will fail them. In
these moments, even when you may feel alone and unheard in your marriage, God is
asking you to trust Him, come to Him, and pray through it. He died for you both, and
His will is that you have peace, joy, and abundant life together (John 10:10).
In the meantime, try not to cause offense or behave in a way that dims your inner
and outer beauty. Proverbs 11:22 says, “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful
woman who shows no discretion” (NIV). And Proverbs 21:9 says, “Better to live on a
corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” (NIV). These scriptures
help us remember our royal status and stay classy, which may ultimately draw your
husband to God through your subtle and graceful actions (1 Peter 3:1).
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?
What circumstance do you need to cast upon Jesus this week?
What is one practical area in which you need to be content this week?
Remember, his body is hers, and her body is his
“The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the
same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his
wife.” (1 Corinthians 7:4, NIV)
Most husbands and wives would rank physical intimacy as a high need in a marriage,
if not the highest. I’m sure that when filling out the non-negotiables, needs, and
preferences individually or together in this study, this topic will arise, as it should. God
created marriage to be shared in all ways. Marriage is a holy bond that is not only
spiritual but sexual.
We are warned in the verse right after the one above that Satan may tempt either the
husband or wife through a lack of physical intimacy with one another (1 Corinthians
7:5). It speaks of deprivation during prayer for a time, but then due to the lack of selfcontrol of either the husband or wife, they must continue to connect from a physical
standpoint on a consistent and regular basis through mutual consent.
I’m not suggesting this is an easy thing to do, and I fully believe that physical intimacy
can lack, particularly when other areas of intimacy, such as spiritual and emotional,
are suffering. But I think it is an area God addresses in His Word because it is an issue
of concern for so many couples. If this topic is sensitive and solicits conflict between
you and your husband, I want to encourage you and let you know you are not alone.
There are many couples in the same situation, and there is hope! God is for you both,
not against you (1 Peter 5:6–7).
Please consider purchasing a Christian book on this topic, speaking to a professional
Christian counselor in this area of expertise, or a natural or a medical doctor to come
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up with solutions as quickly as possible because of the enemy’s tactics to use this
area as a wedge between you. It may feel uncomfortable to do so, but I encourage
you not to ignore this vital area of marriage. The whole goal of marriage on earth is
to thrive in all areas and reflect the deep love and intimacy between Christ and His
Church. Do not allow Satan to kill, steal, and destroy what God has joined together as
one flesh—both literally and spiritually (John 10:10, Mark 10:9, Matthew 19:6).
?
In what ways or situations is this subject difficult for you and your husband?
Pick a day this week to discuss the state of your physical intimacy with your husband.
What suggestions do you have for prioritizing sex for your marriage’s vitality and spiritual
bond?
Remember to give it time, grace, and space
“Conduct yourselves with all humility, gentleness, and patience. Accept each other with
love, and make an effort to preserve the unity of the Spirit with the peace that ties you
together.” (Ephesians 4:2–3, CEB)
We were born individually with God’s desires and dreams in our hearts (Psalm 37:4).
When we delight in Him, they come to pass, but only when we make time to nurture
them on our own. Women can get attached to their husbands in ways that lead to
co-dependency rather than God-dependency. When we have our own lives and
allow space and time for ourselves and our husbands, who also have their desires
and dreams, it creates freedom for either party to be themselves. I believe that in a
marriage, we have a royal calling as a witness to the world of Christ and His Church
and as individual royal ambassadors for Christ with different and unique hobbies and
interests that aren’t always shared. A healthy marriage accepts and encourages each
other in our pursuits under the banner of freedom and peace that keeps us together.
?
What is a hobby or interest that is just yours?
What is a hobby or interest that is just your husbands?
What prevents you from giving your spouse time, space, and grace?
How can you offer your spouse time, space, and grace to enjoy one of their hobbies this
week?
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Remember to pray and rest
“Pray all the time. Ask God for anything in line with the Holy Spirit’s wishes. Plead with him,
reminding him of your needs, and keep praying earnestly for all Christians everywhere.”
(Ephesians 6:18, TLB)
Prayer and rest are essential to the Christian walk. The world is tough and getting
darker by the day (1 John 2:17). Our brothers and sisters worldwide need us to pray for
them, and we cannot do it on empty. The same is with our husbands. They need us to
pray for them daily and have peaceful homes to thrive. We can further support them
by asking them what precisely to pray for. This will help you understand his deeper
concerns and be a vehicle to bring them to His throne of grace boldly.
Write a small prayer below for your husband, and rest in God’s grace this week.
Also, choose a day this week to relax yourself to be re-charged for your marriage
physically.
Remember to exercise and eat clean
“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” (1 Corinthians
10:31, NIV)
Our temple is a living organism that needs clean food and movement. It is vital to
fill our bodies with foods that provide high-quality nutrition to improve the heart,
brain, and body systems. Equally, physical movement increases muscle strength
and endurance, enabling us to serve Him best. Our spiritual, mental, and physical
life works together for His glory and our good, especially for our marriage. Marriage
is the relationship that touches all three areas acutely. When one is out of balance,
all are out of balance, like a three-legged stool, and the marriage is unsteady, and
something just seems to be “off.” While the most important is spiritual, our thoughts
and physical body are also. Our brains operate best from clean foods rich in vitamins
and minerals, leading to clear thinking and better moods. Movement, whether
intense or minimal, is the design of God that leads to strength and flexibility. Vibrant
health should be the goal of both husband and wife for God and each other.
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?
What are you willing to add or delete from your daily regiment to increase physicality
for His glory and your collective good?
Add
Delete
What is a doable nutrition and exercise plan you are willing to begin (if not already) for
your health and vibrancy (and subsequently, your marriage)?
What if He Doesn’t Try
Only Believe and Pray
If husbands go through this book, many will quickly assess themselves and welcome
the shift into a more fine-tuned biblical role with joy. Other husbands will read this
book, agree, understand what is written in scriptures as head knowledge, and
attempt to change, but will stumble on the journey of changing from the heart. They
will do the exercises, pray, and seek to line up with the Word in the headship role but
find it combats against their habits and desires. This is normal, and we must, as wives,
commit to standing in the truth written in the scriptures and pray for them. Know that
you and your marriage are the Lord’s, and the victory is His. Offer grace and mercy
while you wait on Him to do what only He can do.
Your husband may not fit into either of those categories and may be among those who
outright question and repel this information as they see this as new and challenging
to absorb. Despite being biblical, the habits and mindsets formed over years of being
married or what they have learned about marriage in the world (and even the pulpit)
will create tensions and challenges. And I would suggest you expect your husband, in
whatever stage he is in, to resist the truth and need for this material to some degree.
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Some may even dig in their heels at some point, refusing to accept their royal role
of loving you as Christ loves the Church because the enemy is constantly at work to
hurt our marriages.
Remember that the essence of this book will require a change of heart and action.
It can provide quick changes and set you both on a course you haven’t been on in
years, but it can also be a slow and steady renewal process. God is always present
and more than able and willing to help you both. Never give up on what God joined
together, but instead, operate in patience toward each other and the hope of a
marriage built by God (Hebrews 12:1–3, 1 Corinthians 9:24–27).
Fortunately, our responsibility in relationships is to accept everyone’s right to choose
and their God-given free will. Our commitment is not to force anyone to change but
to stand on the truth in love and operate in continued joy, knowing that God sees it all
and is for you and your marriage. Keep praying and resting in His promises and believe
in His power to set everything right. Prayers of the righteous can move mountains
(James 5:16, Matthew 17:20). If your husband is unwilling, I suggest gathering in prayer
with a trusted sister(s) in Christ and believing all things are possible with God.
A Warning
The Enemy’s Slow and Subtle Separation Tactic
When I began to write this book, the Lord revealed many aspects of a marriage’s
life cycle, including the good, the bad, and the ugly. One of the most painful parts of
many marriages is the slow and steady drift away from one’s spouse. This separation
may not necessarily lead to divorce but may show itself in the day-to-day life of a
stagnant or lifeless coexistence at home.
It seems that after the engagement, vows, and honeymoon are over, and married life
begins, subtle challenges arise. The enemy starts to distract each other at first, little
by little, to focus on and prioritize the needs of life rather than Him and each other.
Like an invisible gas, the enemy slowly opens the nozzle of fear and self-orientation
to begin the process of choking out the relationship.
A chasm begins to form and then deepens under the pressures of work and family.
Disagreements lead to arguments and maybe even outbursts. If our differences,
which are by design, are not seen, anticipated, and managed as part of Christ’s
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sanctification process, what were once two people who couldn’t stand to be apart
from each other see each other as distant and difficult.
In their God-appointed leadership roles, the enemy comes at husbands especially
hard. The lies of not being able to adequately provide for their families, loss of
autonomy under the weight of family responsibilities at home, and extended family
issues are just a few examples of the strategies that lead to discord between spouses.
Under this intense pressure and new role, romancing and cherishing take a back
seat. No longer are wives prioritized and set apart in the husband’s minds. The
heart-pounding calls and texts from work fade in intensity and volume. The faces
of excitement when they walk through the door in the evening can turn into looks
of disinterest. Exhaustion sets in under the weight of endless responsibilities,
causing deep conversations and regular physical intimacy to become last on the list.
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One-on-one time diminishes for fear of further disagreement, annoyance, or overly
emotional banter. Silence leads to internal pain on both sides, and eventually, other
forms of pleasure start to form, such as overindulgences in food, hobbies, romance
novels, and work.
I put together scriptural prayers for both husbands and wives to be read daily until
mind and heart are aligned with His Word to fight this battle head-on (Ephesians
5, 1 Peter 3 AMP). Remember, He created marital closeness, romance, adventure,
and laughter. He is love, and all the elements of love within the most intimate of
relationships are found in Him and acted out through us in marriage as Christ loves
the Church. It was never intended to cease or be stifled but only intensify over time.
However, this can only happen when we abide in Him and become obedient to
the Scriptures. This will help you, at the very least, to stand firm and prevent the
dismantling of what God has joined together.
I encourage you to take a step back, assess your marriage, and recognize your spouse
again through this book. Speaking the scriptures alone can begin the process. The
abundant and fulfilling marriage in Christ is before you and within reach. Grab hold of
His Word and each other for dear life and begin to defeat the enemy today!
Daily Prayer for Your Marriage
Wife’s prayer
Dear Lord,
As it is written,
(fill in your husband’s full name) loves
me as Christ loves the Church and gave Himself up for her. He seeks my highest good
daily, surrounding me with a caring and unselfish love. He daily leads, pursues, and
dwells with me with understanding. He fully understands that I am a gift to him given
by God and that we have been joined together for His glory and our good. He puts
me first above all things except for his relationship with Jesus. He nurtures, protects,
and cherishes me spiritually, mentally, and physically as his bestowed wife, and our
youth is being renewed like the soaring eagles (Psalm 103:5)! I am very attracted to
him in all ways. He respects and honors me as an heir of God, co-heir of Christ, and
ambassador for Christ in the Kingdom of God. He understands that we are equal in
God’s eyes and have a mission for God set before the foundation of the world, both
individually and collectively. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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Husband’s prayer
Dear Lord,
As it is written,
(fill in your wife’s name) honors and
respects my leadership position between us and in our home appointed by God
Himself. She fully understands that I have been favored in God’s eyes and been given
her as a gift to nourish, cherish, and protect for His glory and my good. She loves me
back with all her overflowing heart in Christ and is submissive in decisions I make
due to our full discussions, prayer, and alignment of the Word of God. She has a
quiet and gentle spirit and is at peace as I desire to understand her to the best of
my ability, and nothing hinders my prayers. I make a conscious effort to prioritize her
and watch over her spiritually, mentally, and physically. Her purity and reverence are
strikingly beautiful in the sight of God that only increases over time, and our youth is
being renewed like the soaring eagles (Psalm 103:5)! I am very attracted to her in all
ways. She is the wife of my dreams, and I look forward to being with her every day.
Our bodies are for each other, and we come together regularly to stay as one and in
defense against the enemy’s strategies. She is a secure and confident woman who
trusts daily in the Lord and my leadership. We are joyful and laugh in the Lord and set
an example for others of the perfect union between Christ and His Church. In Jesus’
name, Amen.
A Relationship from the Heart
It’s All Christ Wants Too
The Father in the Old Testament and Christ in the New Testament repeatedly convey
that He wants our hearts (see scriptures below). He doesn’t want self-sufficient robots;
He wants us to choose and lean on Him and His Word over our wills from our hearts.
He wants our closeness and a sincere transparent relationship that is our top priority
on a daily basis.
The heart is considered the center of our being. We know it is the vital organ pumping
life throughout our physical bodies, but our spiritual heart is the “organ” of our eternal
life. The heart is mentioned approximately 800 times in scripture, with very little about
our physical heart. The heart in scripture is focused mainly on the center of true love.
Jesus says to love the Lord your God with all your heart (Matthew 22:37). This is the
place from which we love, so we must make sure our hearts are His (Psalm 139:23).
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Jesus says that out the heart, the mouth speaks and that a man is defined not by
what goes in his mouth but by what comes out from his mouth (Luke 6:45, Matthew
15:11). It controls how we think, feel, speak, and thus, behave.
(This section is primarily for husbands)
Likewise, a husband should want to pursue a relationship with their wife from the
overflow of their heart, complete in Christ. Like Christ and the Father are One, you and
your wife are one flesh (John 17). Your wife wants you to choose her over everything
else sacrificially and cheerfully. She wants your love and attention flowing like a
mighty river. Day in and day out, you should strive to have a close relationship filled
with a passion and endearment that only the two of you share. Even in the presence
of each other, it is an unspoken closeness and desire to be together in which you see
and value the gift of your wife bestowed by God Himself. You should be in constant
awe of the gift she is in Christ.
Your wife has a keen sense of whether she is a priority. To have this type of relationship
with wives, it must be fostered by a healthy relationship between you and Christ first.
If your sincere desire as a Christian husband is to have an abundant life (including
your marriage), you must be attached to the Vine (John 10:10, John 15:1–4). First
and foremost, spouses can do nothing apart from this relationship; otherwise, the
marriage will become stagnant or even unhappy without the continual development
of our relationship with Christ.
Following are some scriptures that speak about the Father and Christ wanting your
heart as your wife wants yours from the overflow in Christ.
“My son, give me your heart and let your eyes delight in my ways.” (Proverbs 23:2,
AMP)
“Trust [confidently] in Him at all times, O people; Pour out your heart before Him. God
is a refuge for us. Selah.” (Psalm 62:8, AMP)
“My heart rejoices and triumphs in the Lord...” (1 Samuel 2:1, AMP)
“And now, O Israel, what does the LORD your God ask of you but to fear the LORD
your God by walking in all His ways, to love Him, to serve the LORD your God with all
your heart and with all your soul,” (Deuteronomy 10:12, BSB)
“For the Lord sees not as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but
the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7b, AMP)
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“Teacher, which commandments is the greatest in the Law? Jesus declared, “Love
the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.”
This is the first and greatest commandment.” (Matthew 22:36–37, BSB)
“…but let it be [the inner beauty of] the hidden person of the heart...” (1 Peter 3:4, AMP)
“When he arrived and saw the grace of God [bestowed on them], he rejoiced and
began to encourage them all with an unwavering heart to stay true and devoted to
the Lord. For Barnabas was a good man [privately and publicly—his godly character
benefited both himself and others] and he was full of the Holy Spirit and full of faith
[in Jesus the Messiah, through whom believers have everlasting life]. And a great
number of people were brought to the Lord.” (Acts 11:24, AMP)
“Put me on trial, LORD, and cross-examine me. Test my motives and my heart.” (Psalm
26:2, NLT)
“Put an end to the evil of the wicked, but establish the righteous, O righteous God
who searches hearts and mind.” (Psalm 7:9, BSB)
“Search me, God, and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if
there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23–
24, NIV)
?
How does it feel to be loved by Christ with His complete love?
What does it look like outwardly to express this true love flowing out of your heart to your
wife?
A Christian Husband of Excellence
Enjoying Your Wife
“Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which
He has given you under the sun—all the days of vanity and futility. For this is
your reward in life and in your work in which you have labored under the sun.”
Ecclesiastes 9:9, AMP
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The goal of every Christian husband should be to honor God and be a man of
excellence as His representative and for his beloved—no matter how long you have
been married.
The following are ten signs of a Christian husband of excellence that, compared to
Christ’s complete heart listed in Section 2, can be helpful to know practically what
mirroring Christ looks like daily. As you get started, remember it is the command
of God for a husband to love and even enjoy his wife as Christ loves the Church
(Ecclesiastes 9:9, Proverbs 19:14, 1 Timothy 4 3). The list below is just a start to
understanding how deep and wide His love is for the Bride. A husband in Christ is not
perfect, but the list below depicts how husbands should consider mirroring His love
for their wives.
1. He enjoys her presence | Christ’s eternal love
Christ enjoys our continual presence. He is the great I AM in our midst, filled with
abundant love and joy (Zephaniah 3:17). Likewise, a Christian husband of excellence
will enjoy the company of his wife. Whether out on an adventure or in separate rooms
alone at home, an almost magnetic connection draws husband and wife together like
the one we experience with Christ. Like Christ, his presence is calming and engaging.
He is patient and chooses to pray and cast his cares to God, allowing for a peaceful
space and attentive time with his wife.
2. He enjoys encouraging her | Christ’s leading love
Christ’s leadership through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit teaches guides and helps
us become all we are meant to be on our sanctification journey into Christlikeness.
Likewise, a husband of excellence in Christ should seek to lead, nurture, and
encourage his wife daily into who she is in Christ. His wife will feel loved and grateful
for his caring and focused effort when he does so. A Christian husband seeks out and
helps grow the desires of his wife’s heart, relishing in the plans and purposes of God
at work through her.
3. He enjoys laughing with her | Christ’s passionate love
A sense of humor lightens the heart. It says in God’s Word that the joy of the Lord
is our strength (Nehemiah 8:10). Likewise, Christian husbands of excellence will
be serious at times, but they will also be filled with joy and laughter. They know its
medicinal effects on the mind, body, and soul—for not only them but their wives
(Proverbs 17:22). Being distant, uninterested, or cold separates while believing in the
promise of abundant life and having an eternal perspective of the joy before us in
heaven will bring unity. Christ created humor Himself (Genesis 21:6)! Tapping into the
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joy of the Holy Spirit brings out the best in each other, and we enjoy each other’s
company. Laughter enriches your marriage and mirrors Christ’s exceeding joy with
us (1 Chronicles 16:26–27, Luke 10:21).
4. He enjoys being her protector | Christ’s protective love
Christ is faithful and on guard against the evil one (2 Thessalonians 3:3). Likewise, a
Christian husband of excellence is concerned for the safety and welfare of his wife.
He watches over her physical safety and spiritual, mental, and emotional health. He
fully understands that she is his greatest treasure and prioritizes her (Proverbs 18:22).
Making sure his phone is charged and nearby if she calls or calmly and lovingly
defending her against those who may be unkind are just two examples of a man
in protection mode. God commands husbands to be continuously in the Word and
intentionally pray for His directives to raise the sword of the Spirit against the spiritual
and mental attacks of the enemy against his wife and the entire family.
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5. He enjoys focusing on her | Christ’s understanding love
When a Christian husband of excellence has an open ear and looks a wife in the eye
when speaking, it can go a long way for her to feel prioritized and understood. Like
Christ’s readiness to hear our prayers day and night, he listens and may repeat what
he hears without trying to problem-solve first unless it is a critical and time-sensitive
issue. Instead, he digs deeper into her heart and mind to grasp the hidden meanings.
Even in the busyness of life, he stops to focus on her needs and concerns that may
resolve issues more quickly. (see “ONE thing” questions)
6. He enjoys dropping everything for her | Christ’s sacrificial love
No matter what is happening during the day or how much pressure a Christian husband
of excellence is under, when necessary, he finds ways to set aside his schedule to
support his wife in difficult situations. She is his priority. Christ laid down His life without
a word and without being understood. He stands beside us and says to cast our cares
and know that He sees it all. Likewise, he will drop everything in the tough times of life
and be there wholeheartedly, pointing her to Him who is in complete control.
7. He enjoys only her | Christ’s loyal love
Christ is loyal to us, and He will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). Likewise,
a Christian husband of excellence stays faithful and true to his beloved wife and will
be honored and blessed by God (Proverbs 6:32, Hebrews 13:4). His steadfastness and
stability are a rock, like Christ to His bride, as an example to the world of the One who
was faithful to us to the end.
8. He enjoys growing with her | Christ’s cleansing love
A Christian husband of excellence knows the enemy’s strategy of keeping him and
his wife in the turmoil of condemnation (Romans 8:1). He knows their past errors and
mistakes, where guilt and shame fester, can become a poisonous wound that never
heals. It becomes a lesion of nagging low-level pain that aggravates and infects the
marriage. This way, He points his wife to the cleansing power of the Cross. He readily
admits his failures and seeks forgiveness, and in turn, she does as well. Unforgiveness
and resentment never take root in the marriage living under the freedom of the
Cross. Christ’s blood sacrifice is more than enough to purge and cleanse the wounds
of each other, allowing for exponential love, growth, and joy in the relationship.
9. He enjoys it when she is the center of attention | Christ’s cherishing love
Like Christ, a Christian husband of excellence is familiar with his wife’s ways (Psalm
139:3). He watches over her. He discerns her going out and her coming in. He knows
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when she lies down and is awake. He cherishes her very life and seeks to understand
her to the best of his ability (1 Peter 3:7). He admires God’s female creation made in
His image and sees her as priceless. Her likes and dislikes are just as important to
him as his own in one flesh. Like Christ, he goes before and behind her to pursue
and protect her with the deepest love, always looking for ways to make her shine
privately and publicly, just as Christ does for His Church.
10. He enjoys being one flesh with her | Christ’s graceful love
Even while we were sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). His unearned grace made
us a child of God and co-heir with Christ forever. Likewise, Christian husbands of
excellence know that we are one in Christ Jesus and on a mission as His ambassadors
individually and as one flesh in marriage (Galatians 3:28). His grace allows us the
privilege of an abundant life together, reflecting the joy Jesus has for His Bride (Song
of Songs TPT, John 10:10, Ephesians 5).
Financial Stability
Alignment and Blessings
There is no doubt that financial stress can be one of the top areas of strain in
marriages. It can lead to resentment if not discussed and a godly strategy put in
place. Husbands and wives must agree to and act upon a financial plan that aligns
with His Word that God promises will produce blessings.
Learn from the best
Pastor Robert Morris from Gateway Church in Texas has several books that teach
us whose money it is and the true purpose of money in the world. Even if you are
aligned in this area, consider purchasing them today to put the topic of money in
God’s light for your marriage in future money discussions or challenges.
• Beyond Blessed: God’s Perfect Plan to Overcome All Financial Stress, 2019
• The Blessed Life: Unlocking the Rewards of Generous Living, 2016
Owe no man anything but love
Debt is a dangerous tool against the children of God. Learn how to avoid it as much
as possible and pay it off as fast as possible if it can’t be avoided. (Romans 13:8)
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Invest wisely
Hiring a Christian financial advisor or planner may help get money in the proper
investment accounts. In addition, house payments and car payments, if unavoidable,
must be realistic and within your budget based on your combined monthly salary.
Tithe and make offerings
The concept of tithing (and offerings beyond the tithe) is not a clever trick created by
the Church to make money. Money is merely the looking glass into our hearts, and
God asks us to prioritize Him first in everything—including our finances. If we truly put
God first and have the heart to help those less fortunate than ourselves, our finances
will reflect it. The incredible truth is that God says that He will bless us above and
beyond what we give financially and in all areas of life (Malachi 3:10).
Be a good steward
Women can be the primary shoppers in a marriage, but men can also be significant
purchasers. Controlling spending can occur from a shift in spiritual perspective about
money followed by practical ideas that bring relief to couples every month. For
example, it may include a better understanding of our identity as members of God’s
family and His purpose for our money. And practically speaking, it may involve having
a separate debit card for spending, creating a budget, or hiring a financial planner to
help plan and have peace for the future.
Dwell With Understanding
Avoiding Conflict
To the best of our abilities, avoiding conflict should be a priority for both husband
and wife. Of course, we will never be able to get around it in our fleshly fallen state
from time to time. However, as the leader of our homes, I believe husbands can more
quickly avert conflict through obedience to this one command “dwell with them with
understanding” (1 Peter 3:7, NKJ). He can stand at the gate of the marriage and resist
the enemy’s attacks or selfish angles of either party by seeking to understand his wife
first to stop an escalating argument in its tracks.
Unless it is a critical and time-sensitive issue, wives want their God-appointed leader
to dive into the layers of what they are thinking and feeling. I liken it to a boss seeking
to understand an employee’s actions first and then agreeing to resolve an issue
calmly and efficiently to get back to work. This is not a negative take on husbands
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because we are all inclined to first manage the offense or fault of our words before
considering the source of pain or confusion beneath them. I’m merely pointing out
that Peter’s admonition to understand a wife can be a game-changer in your Christian
marriage. I believe this simple gesture can almost instantly stop a building argument.
Even though it often seems like men just want to solve situations that arise and move
on, they may not know the value of pausing and asking the right questions before
counter-commenting. It could be a 20-minute question and answer session or a
2-hour blow-up. The men’s study for this section has a list of “ONE Thing” questions
designed to help husbands dig deeper to understand their wives at the outset
of a disagreement. The wife can also ask the same questions to understand his
perspective afterward.
In the heat of the moment, it can take a lot of effort for a husband to switch gears and
step outside of the situation to listen and try to understand the wife’s point of view.
Yet, that action can mirror Christ, who continually listens to our prayers and petitions
(Philippians 4:6, Hebrews 4:15–16). A woman’s heart can break into a million pieces
during a fight when her husband digs in and becomes self-focused. She desperately
wants to be understood beyond the surface level of the issue to discover the deeper
layers of her wounds or fears. In most cases, he either does not know how much she
needs to be understood or does not want to pause momentarily and sacrifice himself
without a rebuttal or comment. It is a genuine shift in marriages to live as Christ loves
the Church (See Step Out of the Fight section above).
I want to encourage husbands not to be discouraged when attempting to break
habits and act in this new way. It can be a challenge, but little by little, when a wife
sees her husband trying and prioritizing her, again and again, the marriage can begin
to have less conflict and turn the corner toward health. No more silent treatments,
pouting, or stomping off that can lead to outbursts or resentments. As Christ is the
head of the Church, husbands should consider understanding their bride’s heart first
to resolve conflicts in a more timely and loving manner.
Not Too Emotional
The Father and Christ examples
Women are often stereotypically billed as too emotional to many men and society,
but remember that women are made in God’s image. Surprisingly, a woman’s intense
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emotions are mirrored by God Himself. Let’s look below at some scriptures from the
Old and New Testaments that show the deep emotions of God the Father and Jesus.
Take a moment to marvel that these verses reveal God’s character and nature.
Activity: Write in the emotions God may have been experiencing in the following
scriptures such as concerned, hurt, angry, ignored, lonely, furious, sorrow, rejected,
loved, satisfied, compassionate, joyful, disappointed, regretful, empathetic, happy, sad,
frustrated, romantic, jealous, enthralled, thankful, adoring, impatient, grief, anxiety, and
passionate.
God’s Emotions in Scriptures
“So the LORD was sorry he had ever made them and put them on the earth. It broke
his heart. And the LORD said, ‘I will wipe this human race I have created from the
face of the earth. Yes, and I will destroy every living thing—all the people, the large
animals, the small animals that scurry along the ground, and even the birds of the
sky. I am sorry I ever made them.’” (Genesis 6:6–7, NLT)
Emotions:
“Then Noah built an altar to the LORD. And taking from every kind of clean animal
and clean bird, he offered burnt offerings on the altar. When the LORD smelled the
pleasing aroma, He said in His heart, ‘Never again will I curse the ground because
of man, even though every inclination of his heart is evil from his youth...’” (Genesis
8:20–21, BSB)
Emotions:
“Go and cry unto the gods which ye have chosen; let them deliver you in the time of
your tribulation.” (Judges 10:14, BSB)
Emotions:
“’I regret that I have made Saul king, for he has turned away from following Me and
has not carried out My instructions.’ And Samuel was distressed and cried out to the
LORD all that night.” (1 Samuel 15:11, BSB)
Emotions:
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“But as the angel was preparing to destroy Jerusalem, the LORD relented and said to
the death angel, ‘Stop! That is enough!’ At that moment the angel of the LORD was
by the threshing floor of Araunah the Jebusite.” (2 Samuel 24:16, NLT)
Emotions:
“Then the LORD said to me, ‘Go show love to your wife again, though she is loved by
another and is an adulteress. Love her as the LORD loves the Israelites, though they
turn to other gods and offer raisin cakes to idols.’” (Hosea 3:1, BSB)
Emotions:
“The LORD arises to contend; He stands to judge the people. The LORD brings
this charge against the elders and leaders of His people: ‘You have devoured the
vineyard; the plunder of the poor is in your houses. Why do you crush My people and
grind the faces of the poor?’” (Isaiah 3:13–15, BSB)
Emotions:
“Then Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the LORD, saying, ‘Please,
O LORD, remember how I have walked before You faithfully and with wholehearted
devotion; I have done what was good in Your sight.’ And Hezekiah wept bitterly. And
the word of the LORD came to Isaiah, saying, ‘Go and tell Hezekiah that this is what
the LORD, the God of your father David, says: ‘I have heard your prayer; I have seen
your tears.’” (Isaiah 38:2–4, BSB)
Emotions:
“...because you neglected all my counsel, and wanted none of my correction, in turn
I will mock your calamity; I will sneer when terror strikes you...“ (Proverbs 1:26, BSB)
Emotions:
“You have captured my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one
glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your neck. How fair is thy love, my sister, my
spouse! how much better is thy love than wine! and the smell of thine ointments than
all spices!” (Song of Solomon 4:9–11, BSB)
Emotions:
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“And a voice from heaven said, ‘This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well
pleased.’” (Matthew 3:17, NIV)
Emotions:
Christ’s Emotions in Scriptures
“Jesus answered, ‘I assure you and most solemnly say to you, you have been
searching for Me, not because you saw the signs (attesting miracles), but because
you ate the loaves and were filled.’” (John 6:26, AMP)
Emotions:
“’Go away! What do you want with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy
us? I know who you are—the Holy One of God! Be quiet!’ Jesus said sternly. ‘Come
out of him!’” (Mark 1:25, NIV)
Emotions:
“Jesus wept.” (John 11:35, NIV)
Emotions:
“He went on to say, ‘This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the
Father has enabled them. From this time many of his disciples turned back and no
longer followed him. You do not want to leave too, do you?’ Jesus asked the Twelve.”
(John 6:65–67, NIV)
Emotions:
“Later, John’s disciples came for his body and buried it. Then they went and told
Jesus what had happened. As soon as Jesus heard the news, he left in a boat to a
remote area to be alone.” (Matthew 14:12–13, NLT)
Emotions:
“So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep
and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables.
To those who sold doves he said, ‘Get these out of here! Stop turning my Father’s
house into a market!’” (John 2:15–16, NIV)
Emotions:
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“Jerusalem, Jerusalem! Your people have killed the prophets and have stoned the
messengers who were sent to you. I have often wanted to gather your people, as a
hen gathers her chicks under her wings. But you wouldn’t let me.” (Luke 13:34, CEV)
Emotions:
“In that very hour He was overjoyed and rejoiced greatly in the Holy Spirit, and He
said, ‘I praise You, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that You have hidden these
things [relating to salvation] from the wise and intelligent, and have revealed them
to infants [the childlike and untaught]. Yes, Father, for this way was [Your gracious will
and choice, and was] well-pleasing in Your sight.’” (Luke 10:21, AMP)
Emotions:
“They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Sit here
while I pray.’ He took Peter, James, and John along with him, and he began to be
deeply distressed and troubled. ‘My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of
death,’ he said to them.” (Mark 14:32–34, NIV)
Emotions:
“Returning the third time, he said to them, ‘Are you still sleeping and resting? Enough!
The hour has come. Look, the Son of Man is delivered into the hands of sinners. Rise!
Let us go! Here comes my betrayer!’” (Mark 14:41–42, NIV)
Emotions:
The Dating Continues
It Only Gets Better
The beginning of any relationship is the most thrilling experience all couples want
to last a lifetime. Endless talks through the night, excitement when a text or call
comes in, and physical attraction that makes you forget the world. I would suggest
that it doesn’t have to end. And if it has waned, you can get it back by adopting
God’s marriage design and intent to keep a dating-like relationship that is fresh and
alive. A marriage in Christ has passion and newness, which mirrors the attentive and
regenerative relationship between Christ and the Church.
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As Christians, we are under a continual state of renovation in the sanctification process.
It says in the Word that despite our physical bodies aging, our inner self progressively
renews to become more like Christ (2 Corinthians 4:16). That’s the beauty of being in
a Christian marriage. We must not buy into the world’s mindset that most marriages
can fall into complacency and decline over time. Instead, the focus should be on
each other’s Holy Spirit-led growth and maturity through His unfolding grace.
Personality Types
Masterpieces Built by God
Personality tests have been around for some time and are mainly used in counseling
environments and the business world. When I was in the business world, MyersBriggs and Strengthsfinder were two of the top tests I can recall given to employees
to understand them more fully. They were used to learn about their employees and
utilize their strengths for the company’s good or place them in roles that better fit
their personality type.
“
A marriage in Christ has passion and newness,
which mirrors the attentive and regenerative
relationship between Christ and the Church.
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I have done a few personality tests to understand myself and others in my family. Still,
the one that most clearly led me to appreciate my personality was the Enneagram.
This test has spread worldwide, and there is a reason. I can attest to the fact that it
is beneficial. The 9 Enneagram types or categories provide a clear understanding of
the types of human personalities and how they may view life, make choices, process
ideas, and think and feel.28 If this interests you, many books and coaches online are
considered experts in this personality framework.
I genuinely believe it is valuable to learn the personality type of you and your
husband. Using the Enneagram has been beneficial for me, my marriage, and many
others. However, no test trumps the fact that you and your spouse are masterpieces
made in the image of God, called to grow in His likeness, but it sure does help to
understand the uniqueness of our personalities.
I have listed below a resource for you to consider that I found helpful from a biblical
standpoint. Like myself, you may uncover the benefit of knowing each other’s basic
personality traits and how they enhance each other in the marriage and for the higher
purposes of Christ.
“Self to Lose Self to Find”
A Biblical Approach to the 9 Enneagram Types
By Marilyn Vancil
Breakdown to Breakthrough
Resurrected Into His Original Plan
It is tough to change and break out of traditional, cultural, and societal molds. Watching
our parents or grandparents act a certain way in their marriage downloads a mental
picture and can unknowingly act as a map for how we navigate our marriage. In
addition, when examples of marriage in the media portray a more dominant male
role (or dominant female role), it sends mixed messages about our God-ordained
roles outlined in His Word. As a result, we can create habits and patterns that don’t
necessarily align with His intention.
The older we get and longer we have been married, the harder it can be to shift gears
and start anew. However, note that it can be painful to stay status quo or change
(Colossians 3:1–17). In other words, if you decide to line up your actions with His Word or
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S ectio n 3 | Wee k s 4 – 5
remain stagnant and unfulfilled, the pain will be there. The only difference is that there
is fruit at the end of your efforts of obedience.
As you begin the process of having an extraordinary Christian marriage patterned after
Christ’s love for His Church, there will be frustrations, possible arguments, and hurts
uncovered when discussing past mistakes and resentments that have crept in over the
years, but that is normal. I know this firsthand. Stay in His forgiveness and be grounded
in His unconditional love for you. It is His will for your marriage to be healthy and thriving
in Him.
This effort to align with His Word and one another should bring hope and peace overall.
Anything violent, demeaning, or nasty is not biblical (1 Peter 3:8–9 AMP). This behavior
is strongly and emphatically discouraged. It can be a tool of the enemy to disrupt and
prevent the process as you dive into the weak parts of your marriage to strengthen it
and come out the other side better than you ever dreamed.
In Closing
Read this Book Over and Over Again
In Christ, you and your spouse are royal heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ. You
are Christ’s ambassadors representing His sacrificial love toward His Bride on display
to a world in need of hope and a Savior. Knowing and operating in this identity and
kingdom perspective is key to working together for God’s glory (Colossians 3:1–2).
It may take you reading this book repeatedly to absorb these truths to their full extent.
Furthermore, remember to stay in His unconditional love for you and your spouse. Be
patient and kind with each other, especially yourself. It may be necessary to extend
forgiveness daily as you live in His complete atonement and grace. Remember that
this transformation toward marital health can be slow at times; therefore, it is crucial
to lean on and be led by the Holy Spirit. As I said in the beginning, He sees it all,
knows it all, hears it all, and wants to take control of it all.
As you continue to pray and believe in your marriage, it may look like nothing is
changing, but rest in His timetable and plan to restore it. He will help you, and it
may even surprise you when your breakdowns eventually sprout breakthroughs.
I continually pray for you and your marriage daily and believe wholeheartedly in His
design of an extraordinary Christian marriage, as Christ loves the Church.
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To Husbands,
God’s Men
I encourage you to read the quick one-page Foreword
at the beginning of the book, where I share why I think
this book is essential for not only sustaining your Christian
marriage but for making it better than you could imagine.
I have personally and painstakingly gone through every
page, paragraph, and exercise and can tell you I didn’t
fully know God’s design for marriage and my role as the
appointed leader before doing this project with Joan. I’m
happy to say that after 26 years, our marriage is better than
it was at the beginning.
Please consider joining your wife on this 5-week study. It
will take you approximately 30 minutes per week. That’s not
a lot of time to get your Christian marriage on track, have
a peaceful home, and honor our Lord and Savior, Jesus
Christ. He sacrificed His very life for us, and His sacrificial
love is meant to be an example for us in our marriage of
Christ’s love for His bride, the Church. I can assure you that
there will be ups and downs as you go through this book
together, but don’t quit. God sees all your efforts despite all
the disagreements and frustrations, pressures of work and
family, and when you just want to keep things status quo.
God will reward you. You can’t be stagnant and expect to
have the kind of marriage you want; you are either growing
or declining. I challenge you to take control back from the
enemy in an undivided front as husband and wife and be
the one to take the lead to make your marriage victorious!
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Men’s Study
Review and Pray
Review this Men’s study together, preferably or on your own, and encourage
each other to keep going through the book. Pray together that the truths outlined
in this book will sink in and that you will treat each other as Christ loves and treats
you both. Pray for each other and your marriage together and then privately
every day using the prayers Joan wrote in each section or on your own.
Be Open
Like Christ, be patient, kind, noble, and honorable to your bride. Take the time
to listen, understand and talk through what she may be learning. Ask your wife
to share one thing she learned or was confirmed for her after going through
each section. Tradition, culture, and society have also misrepresented men as
well as women (as noted in Section 1 introduction) and told us how we should
act as men, husbands, fathers, and leaders. The past demonstrates that this
misrepresentation has often led to issues of machismo, defensiveness, abuse
of power, overbearing strength, and selfish behavior. Under the King’s refining
hand, husbands are designed to be in a humble authority position and, at the
same time, offer comfort and guidance to our wives like Christ does the Church.
Have faith and persevere, men
“O Timothy, you are God’s man. Run from all these evil things, and work instead
at what is right and good, learning to trust him and love others and to be patient
and gentle. Fight on for God.” (1 Timothy 6:11–12 TLB)
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At-a-Glance Week 1
• Society, tradition, and culture can misrepresent your wife who, just like you, is
made in His image.
• Your wife’s heart, emotions, and nurturing care are attributes of God’s character.
• Your wife is royalty as a child of the Most High God and engaged to King Jesus
first and foremost.
• Your wife is a fellow heir of God and co-heir of Christ now and in His kingdom to
come.
• Your wife is a fellow ambassador of Christ on earth representing His kingdom.
• Your wife is a gift to Jesus and to you from God.
• Heaven is a real place with Christ as the ruling monarch while the world is fading.
• Build each other up in the bride of Christ’s characteristics (see Slave to Satan vs
Bride of Christ exercise).
Practice
Pray
Ask God to remind you of her special qualities you may not see every day and then
tell her what you love about her. Then, pray for her and together that God would help
you both look for each other’s characteristics of His Image throughout the week.
Understand
Women carry too many burdens when they shouldn’t. They worry about the world,
family, finances, and so much more. Most of the time she just wants you to be a
listening ear who understands her heart. As the appointed leader in your home, be
like Christ and ask her what her number one concern is that week and help her carry
it to the King of kings.
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Try
Both men and women of His Church are called to grow continuously, being made
ready for His return. As the appointed leader of the family who sets the tone and
direction of the home, it’s important that you step into the leadership role, take
control, and look at yourself to see where you may be attached to old ways of
thinking and ineffective habits. It’s very easy for men to be stuck in traditions of the
past, unconsciously doing things the way they have always done them or caring too
much about what other men think to make necessary changes in their thinking or
behavior. However, we must be ready to change for Christ and His Kingdom. In Luke
12, Jesus says to be dressed and ready. Keep your lamps lit and be like men who are
waiting for their master. This is an active call to grow in the knowledge of Him and
His ways and to be the type of men that are willing, strong, and growing as His return
quickly approaches in order to present her and give an account for her temporary
care (Luke 12:35–40, Peter 1:5–8, 1 Corinthians 3:13, Colossians 1:9–10, Ephesians 4:15,
Hebrews 10:24–25, 1 Peter 2:2, 1 Corinthians 16:13, Revelation 22:12).
See
She may not be wearing a crown here on earth, but she has one waiting for her in
heaven. She is an heir, co-heir, and co-ambassador of Christ with you. As you make a
concerted effort to see her with her crown on, you will get a bigger picture of who you
both really are in the eyes of God. And eventually, you will see and treat each other
from an eternal position as royalty on a daily basis, avoiding many pitfalls of having a
faulty perspective.
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Men’s Study | Section 2
At-a-Glance Weeks 2–3
• Christ’s love for His Church is the example of how we should love our wives.
• We should strive daily to understand the heart of Christ for the Church so that we
know how to love our wives specifically.
• Men, it’s not all on our shoulders. Christ‘s perfect love can fill each of us, the
Church, and our wives completely, so we don’t have to be perfect.
• Our marriage reflects the betrothal and future marriage of Christ and the Church.
• Our royal role, as husband, is a mirror image of Christ as the head of His beloved
bride.
• Christ’s heart for His bride is of unsearchable and unattainable depths.
• The specific love of Christ for His Church is a roadmap for us to fill up our hearts
fully first and then help our wives in the specific areas in which they would like to
be loved more.
• The specific areas of love in Christ’s heart for the purpose of this book include
Sacrificial, Graceful, Loyal, Serving, Nourishing, Cherishing, Understanding,
Cleansing, Consistent, Leading, Protective, Sanctifying, Passionate, and Eternal.
• The world, particularly through media outlets, is cunning and seeks to deceive
us and our wives into meeting the needs of our hearts with empty things and
promises of fulfillment and desire.
• The enemy is actively in pursuit to deny us the full love of Christ and to destroy
our marriage as the sacred example of the greatest love that ever existed—that
of Christ and the Church.
Practice
Pray
Pray that you both will fully receive the Lord’s complete love in your hearts, and then
from the overflow, that you will love yourselves first and then each other. Pray that
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you both will give Christ your full heart back and build a solid relationship you both
were created to have in Him that can lead to a healthy Christian marriage.
Understand
Ask your wife to share one thing she learned or was confirmed after she has gone
through this week’s study. Briefly review Week 1 Men’s Study together, go through
Weeks 2–3 Men’s Study together and then encourage each other to keep going.
Try
As the appointed leader as Christ is Head of the Church, shift your mindset to how
much Christ loves you and your wife. Read the scriptures on His love for His Bride
in the women’s study to see how Christ loves you both completely. Then, set the
new tone in your home by your attitude and word choices as she is His beloved first.
Perhaps you could even pick one or two areas of Christ’s heart in the women’s study
and practice exemplifying those qualities this week. And take it a step further by
asking her which two she would like you to focus on and write them down, so you
remember.
See
As a believer in Jesus Christ, you are also part of His bride, the Church. Marriage
is a joining of two people into one flesh that (on earth) tends to be seen as more
romantic, but from God’s perspective it is really the joining of two people completely
as one for not only pleasure, but also for His purpose and eternal glory that reflects
His Image, both male and female. Spend time getting to know Christ more intimately
as a best friend and confidant that fully understands you and fills your every need
first. Then, lean on that relationship to build your marriage to make sure it reflects the
light of eternal joy and destiny. Set aside time for just you and Him even if it is only
for a few minutes to start. Your sincere choice to connect to the Head of the Church
is key to having a heathy, vibrant relationship with Him that overflows to your wife.
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Men’s Study | Section 3
At-a-Glance Weeks 4–5
Truth About Your Christian Marriage
• The example of Christ’s love for His bride, the Church, for which He gave Himself
up, is the one and only standard by which you can effectively raise your marriage up.
• The world’s view of marriage is deceiving, declining, and unhealthy (Proverbs
5:18–19, Ecclesiastes 9:9, Ephesians 5:25–33, 1 Corinthians 7:10–11, John 15:13,
1 Timothy 4:3).
• Your marriage is a royal calling and example as one flesh to fellow believers and
the world. It reflects Christ’s union with and love for His bride that brings glory to
the Father and to Himself.
• You are both heirs and co-heirs with Christ in His kingdom—both now and for
eternity.
• We, as God’s children and the bride of Christ, are equal in God’s eyes. As
distinctively designed males and females, we are like puzzle pieces. Each puzzle
piece has many shapes, sizes, and colors, but if one is missing the puzzle is
incomplete.
• Both husband and wife are valuable among His believers and God plays no
favorites. He loves and died for you both. We are all part of His story and the
picture of His Glorious Son. (Genesis 2:24, Mark 10:9, 1 Peter 2:9, Ephesians 5:25,
Ephesians 5:32).
• Our marriage is designed like a symbiotic, or mutually beneficial, dance with
husbands leading and in awe of their partner bestowed to us. It is a cause-andeffect relationship that begins with the husband loving and sacrificing for his
beloved and the reciprocated return of love by his wife just as Christ loves the
Church and gave Himself up for her (Matthew 18:12, Ephesians 5:25–33, 1 John
4:19, 1 Peter 2:24).
• Recognize the slow and subtle dividing tactics of the enemy if distaste, disinterest,
or complacency defines the state of your marriage.
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• The enemy is a liar and imposter seeking to destroy it daily through many different
avenues. He knows that marriage is the reflection of Christ and the Church and
therefore at the foundation of a healthy society. But know that the battle for
your marriage is the Lord’s first and foremost. Lean on Him, pray, and obey His
commands surrounding marriage as outlined in His Word to resist the enemy and
have him flee.
• God is for you and your marriage at all times as He was the one who ultimately
joined you both together for His glory and your good (John 10:10, 1 Peter 5:8,
Ephesians 6:10–20).
• Your marriage is supposed to be filled with abundant joy that lasts a lifetime. We
must rely fully on His strategy for marriage and not buy into past marital examples,
culture, tradition, or society. (Deuteronomy 4:8, 2 Chronicles, 20:15, John 10:10, 2
Corinthians 10:4, Ephesians 5:25–22, 1 Peter 3:7)
• Steps backward and forward, tensions, and challenging conversations are a
normal part of the process of attaining an extraordinary Christian marriage. As Joan
so aptly put it in the women’s section, breakdowns often lead to breakthroughs as
the truth of God’s Word begins to shine its healing light.
• Remember life and death are in the tongue so we may need to pause, to ask the
“One Thing” questions below, and then pray if things get too heated (Proverbs
18:21, Proverbs 27:17, Hebrews 12:11).
• Iron out and clear any and all unforgiveness and resentment that is keeping your
marriage stuck because the past is dead and gone. No matter how difficult it may
be to open the wound, cleansing it in the Word is essential to grabbing hold of the
extraordinary Christian marriage we want.
• Today is a new day in which He is calling you to step into your leadership role and
grab ahold of the abundant marriage you were meant to have with all your might!
(Matthew 6:14, Ephesians 4:32). (See exercise and prayer in Unforgiveness and
Resentment section of the women’s study.)
• Physical intimacy is a gift from the Lord and the lack thereof can be a tool of
the enemy against you both. Therefore, seek immediate help in this area through
books, Christian counseling, or medical professionals (Proverbs 5:18–19, 1
Corinthians 7:5).
Truth About Being a Christian Husband
• God has favored you and given your wife to you as a gift. (Proverbs 18:22, Genesis
2:18)
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• You are the head of your wife, appointed by God Himself like Christ is the head
of the Church who He sacrificed Himself for becoming her Savior. (Ephesians 5:23)
• As Christ is your leader or headship, ask for all that you need from Him rather than
battling with your wife. (1 Corinthians 11: 3, 1 John 5:14–15, 1 Peter 2:23)
• As the leader appointed by God, your wife is your first priority next to your
relationship with Jesus Christ—above everything, including work and children.
• God has equipped you to be the strength and grounding rock like Christ is for your
wife (Psalm 18:2, Ephesians 5:23).
• Jesus completes your wife’s heart (and yours) first—you don’t have to be perfect.
(Psalm 23:1)
• As you pursue positive actions according to the Word, this should lead to positive
reactions from your wife by design. (Ephesians 5:25, 1 Peter 2:24, 1 John 4:19,
Ephesians 2:8, Matthew 18:12)
• Step out of the fight, de-escalate arguments, and understand the example of how
Christ didn’t argue back in front of judge and jury. (See the Step Out of the Fight
section in the women’s study.)
• Domineering false power or giving your wife the silent treatment is a sign that you
do not see your wife in her royal calling as heir and co-heir in the kingdom of God.
Honor and respect her to make sure your prayers will not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7)
• Your wife wants a passionate and transparent relationship that flows from the
overflow of your heart like Christ has for His bride. (Read the Song of Songs in The
Passion translation and see Relationship from the Heart section in the women’s
study.)
• Nourish, Protect, and Cherish your wife daily. (See Ephesians 5:25–33 and do the
Nourish, Protect, and Cherish exercise.)
• Seek to understand your wife completely first when issues arise or even in the
mundane things. (1 Peter 3:7) (See the “One Thing” questions below.)
• Remember that your wife is made in God’s image and embrace her emotions.
(Genesis 1:27, 1 Peter 3:7) (See God’s and Jesus’s emotions in the women’s study.)
• Prayer and the obedience of God’s commands create the pathway to having the
most intimate and beautiful marital relationship that exists in this world next to
Christ and His Church. (Psalm 112:1, Luke 6:46, Romans 12:12, 1 Thessalonians 5:16–
18, Ephesians 6:18, John 14:15, Acts 5:29, 1 Peter 1:14, 1 John 5:3)
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Truth About Being a Christian Wife
The following list of attributes below is a warning shot to men who are single or
dating, and a point of serious discussion in your Christian marriage that should not
be overlooked. Just like the bullet points above on the Truth About Being a Christian
Husband and the 10 signs of a Christian Husband of Excellence noted in Section 3, I
have also compiled a few bullet points on the Truth About Being a Christian Wife and
10 signs of a Christian Wife of Excellence for husbands. This men’s study may seem
like it is only designed for men to become the best husband for your marriage, but it
is also a solemn word of caution to make sure you and your wife are faithful followers
of Christ with every truth on the table.
While both men and women in Christ are on a sanctification journey, some
foundational actionable signs must be in place to some degree to indeed operate
in truth and grace and have hope for an extraordinary marriage. The following bullet
points are foundations for men and women and are not exhaustive, but I am mainly
speaking about wives or future wives in Christ for this section. I am laying out some
truths you may need to investigate further to prevent an unequal yoking or begin
healing or flourishing in your marriage.
• Your wife should love the Lord Jesus Christ more than you (Matthew 22:37).
• Your wife should show actionable signs of her complete love of the Lord by
submitting to His commandments (Luke 6:46).
• You both should be open and willing to admit mistakes with ease (Psalm 5,
Proverbs 28:13, Ephesians 5:11, James 5:16).
• True remorse (authentic sorrow) and a repentant heart (change in action) for
mistakes made outside of the will of God must be evident for both (Psalm 51:17,
Acts 3:19).
Below are 10 Signs of a Christian Wife of Excellence
1.
She enjoys reading the Word of God on her own and is actively growing in
Christlikeness (Hebrews 4:12, 2 Timothy 3:16, Psalm 119:105)
2.
She enjoys attending church on a regular basis and tithing (Hebrews 10:25, 2
Corinthians 9:7)
3.
She enjoys the company and friendship of fellow women believers (who are
in line with God’s will and offer accountability) and may be in women’s or bible
study groups (Acts 2:42, Romans 1:20, 1 John 1:7, Ephesians 5:18, 1 Corinthians
12:26-27)
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4.
She enjoys serving and is in ministry at some point and level (Acts 20:28, Galatians
6:10, 1 Peter 4:10-11)
5.
She enjoys nurturing and caring for her husband (not like a mother, but as a
helper) (Proverbs 31:10-31, 1 Thessalonians 5:11-19, 22)
6.
She enjoys her home (Proverbs 14:1, Titus 2:4-5)
7.
She exhibits godliness and contentment with what she has and the stage of life
she is in (Matthew 6:32-33, 1 Timothy 6:6-12, 1 Peter 1:6)
8.
She is peaceful with her role in Christ (Proverbs 12:4, Romans 12:18, Ephesians 5)
9.
She and her family are transparent and communicative (if in Christ) (Proverbs
13:10, Romans 13:8-10, Ephesians 4:25, 2 Corinthians 1:12, 2 Timothy 4:1-22)
10. She is authentic to her and her husband’s family in the Lord (Romans 12:9)
Practice
Pray
Even if it’s 30 seconds before heading out for the day, ask God to unify and create an
attraction for each other that you have never known before. Ask God to make your
marriage an extraordinary one for His honor and glory. Pray the husband and wife
prayers in the women’s study and read Ephesians 5:22–33 and 1 Peter 3:7 (Amplified
version suggested) daily until it sinks in your mind.
Understand
Women can easily sense if you are operating from a to-do list or from the overflow
of love in your heart in Christ toward her. Like Jesus repeatedly conveyed in the
scriptures, He desires your heart not activities or things that make it look like you
are trying to earn what He has already accomplished for you on the cross. He wants
your love. Christ loves the Church from His heart and gave Himself up for her. It is a
passionate love for your wife that will either move you in desire or keep you stagnant
in the long run.
If you have trouble operating from your heart, think of someone or something you
willingly give your heart to often. Maybe it’s a project at work, a sports car, or a hobby
that takes up a ton of time. This may be a reflection of your own relationship with
Christ. Living from the heart is what life is truly about! (See A Relationship from the
Heart section.)
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Try
Even though all earthly marriages are imperfect, gradually working together weekly
through this study will produce tangible improvements in your marriage that will
bring joy and happiness to you both. Do all the exercises in this section individually
and collectively—and preferably without technology nearby—and if necessary, help
secure childcare so you have each other’s undivided attention. And never give up on
what God joined together. Right when it seems the bleakest, God will show up in His
complete love for you both! 1 Timothy 4:3 says that God made marriage to enjoy and
be thankful for.
See
Thank God every day for your wife, whether you see her as His gift or not currently.
Eventually, God will change your heart and mind toward her if you keep this truth in
mind that you have been favored and she was given to you by the Lord Himself. We
can fulfill our royal duties toward her and see to it that we love her as Christ does
and protect her in all ways. Below are ways to cherish her and be romantic to keep
“dating” alive.
Cherish
Do the scaling exercise in the women’s study on this subject to get a benchmark as
you go forward.
Just so you know, Joan wrote that I was a 2 in Romantic and a 1 in Cherish! There’s a
lot to learn and do in making her feel like His gift. See some examples below along
with the Cherish pictogram in Section 3.
Ask what you can do to make her happy today and lighten her load even if you are
tired and stressed.
Tell your friends and family subtly and sincerely how you admire her strengths and
beauty consistently recognizing her publicly as your precious gift.
Appreciate and recognize her daily efforts at work and around the home by telling
her how thankful you are even in the seemingly small ways that show her that you
see her and are watching over her.
Grab her and hug her tightly.
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Ask her what you can do to help her move toward God’s purpose and hidden desires
for her life even if it is in the distant future and you both are bogged down with
everyday life. Pull out the dreams and desires of her heart in Christ together!
Lead in all mundane decisions daily i.e., make dinner reservations, start laundry, and
bathe the kids.
Romance
Bring home a gift spontaneously i.e., perfume, coffee, takeout
Hire a cleaning company even if it is a one-time event and the budget is tight.
Tell her to choose a 2-hour time slot in the week to listen to and spend time with her
as the only topic. Be interactive by looking her in the eye asking her sincere questions
of interest offering hope in even the smallest situations. Set the tech aside.
Work out, go on a walk or hike, and eat healthy together regularly in honor of taking
care of your temples.
Make a reservation for one night at a local hotel with room service or fine dining.
Give her a foot massage.
De-Escalate
Below are a few “ONE thing” questions to help avoid a conflict almost instantly that
has helped us focus on the underlying issues I’ve had difficulty grasping from the
surface. Not every question will be relevant in every situation, but they may help you
more quickly and succinctly bridge the gap between your understanding toward and
communication with one another. I suggest asking these questions quickly to get her
first reaction which may be a subconscious truth. (Note: It doesn’t hurt to tell her she’s
beautiful and ask her if you can rub her feet while discussing further. I’ve tested this.
It works.)
• What is ONE thing I need to understand? Let me pause for a second and fully
understand it.
• What is ONE emotion you are feeling right now?
• What is ONE thing you are afraid of?
• What is ONE thing I can do to make you feel protected and safe?
• What is ONE thing I can do to help resolve this issue?
• What is ONE thing we can meet each other halfway on in this situation?
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• What is ONE thing I can pray specifically with you for right now?
• What is ONE scripture that can help guide us to honor God right now on this
issue?
• What is ONE thing I can do right now to make you happy, help alleviate your
stress today, and/or make your day better?
Finances
Resolve to be a couple that manages God’s finances well. This will help you be
generous and good stewards as instructed in His Word. (1 Corinthians 4:2, Titus
1:7–9, Luke 16:10, Matthew 25:21). See Joan’s suggestions for further reading or seek
professional help if this is an area of struggle in your marriage.
Excellence
Become an excellent husband. Read A Christian Husband of Excellence section and
ask God to help you exemplify the characteristics of a man who will love his wife
through the power of the Holy Spirit at work in and through him for Him and your
good.
Meet the Author
J
oan Darcy Dunnam is a dedicated wife, mother, and friend who has a passion
for women, marriages, and families. She holds a Master’s in International Business, attended Liberty University Master’s program in Marriage and Family Therapy,
and facilitates Bible and marriage studies at Christ Fellowship in Stuart, Florida.
She has devoted her life to helping women and couples see themselves and their
marriages through Jesus’ eyes and understanding the One and Only example for
marriage. Joan has been married to her husband Brian for 26 years and has two sons,
Connor and Ryan.
anextraordinarymarriage.com
✉ jndunnam@gmail.com
INSTAGRAM anextraordinarymarriage
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Endnotes
1
Faith and Physics, “Quantum Physics,” (2020), https://www.faithandphysics.org/physics.
2
Dirk Schneider, Jesus Christ—Quantum Physicist: Why Modern Science Needs the Trinity of Father, Son and Holy Spirit to
Explain Our World (CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform, 2015), 98.
3
Annette Capps, “Quantum Faith,” Capps Ministries, accessed February 26, 2022, https://cappsministries.com/pages/
quantum-faith.
4
Schneider, Jesus Christ—Quantum Physicist, 11.
5
National Museum of American Diplomacy, “What is a U.S. Embassy?” accessed February 26, 2022, https://diplomacy.
state.gov/diplomacy/what-is-a-u-s-embassy/.
6
Merriam-Webster, s.v. “grace,” accessed February 26, 2022, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/grace.
7
Strong’s Hebrew Dictionary, s.v. “royal,” Bible Hub, accessed February 26, 2022, https://biblehub.com/hebrew/4467.
htm.
8
Strong’s Greek Dictionary, s.v. “royal,” Bible Hub, accessed February 26, 2022, https://biblehub.com/greek/932.htm.
9
Difference Between, “Difference Between Royalty and Nobility,” July 18, 2015, https://www.differencebetween.com/
difference-between-royalty-and-vs-nobility/.
10
Joseph Kostiner, “monarchy,” Encyclopedia Britannica Online, June 9, 2020, https://www.britannica.com/topic/
monarchy.
11
Matt Stefon, s.v. “tianming,” Encyclopedia Britannica Online, August 4, 2017, https://www.britannica.com/topic/
tianming.
12
Encyclopedia Britannica Online, s.v. “divine rights of kings,” March 18, 2021, https://www.britannica.com/topic/divineright-of-kings.
13
Stephen Flick, “Thomas Paine Argues, ‘No King but God,’” Christian Heritage Foundation (January 8, 2022), https://
christianheritagefellowship.com/thomas-paine-argues-no-king-but-god/#NoKing,ButJesus.
14
The International Commission & Association of Nobility, “monarch history,” accessed February 26, 2022, https://www.
nobility-association.com/monarchyhistory.htm.
15
Erin Blakemore, “Learn About the History—and Future—of the Japanese Monarchy,” National Geographic (April 29,
2019), https://www.nationalgeographic.com/culture/article/japanese-monarchy.
16
Wikipedia, s.v. “current list of monarchies,” accessed February 26, 2022, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_current_
monarchies.
17
Encyclopedia Britannica Online, s.v. “puyi,” February 3, 2022, https://www.britannica.com/biography/Puyi.
18
Beth Moore, Living Free: Learning to Pray God’s Word (Nashville, TN: Lifeway Christian Resources, 2001), 80.
19
Moore, Living Free, 81.
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E n d n otes
20
All synonyms of God’s attributes in Section 2, Weeks 2–3 are taken from The Merriam-Webster Thesaurus online at
http://merriam-webster.com/thesaurus.
21
Smith’s Bible Dictionary online, “Sabboath, the lord of,” Bible Study Tools, accessed February 28, 2022, https://www.
biblestudytools.com/dictionaries/smiths-bible-dictionary/sabaoth-the-lord-of.html.
22
Brian Simmons, Song of Songs: Divine Romance (Racine, WI: BroadStreet Publishing Group, 2015), 7.
23
Simmons, Song of Songs, 33.
24
Moore, Living Free, 80.
25
Chuck Missler, “The Jewish Wedding—Chuck Missler,” YouTube (June 6, 2012), Koinonia House, https://www.youtube.
com/watch?v=5Pp5zbQO46U.
26
Wikipedia, s.v. “romance,” last modified July 31, 2003, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romance_(love).
27
Dictionary.com, s.v. “cherish,” accessed February 28, 2022, https://www.dictionary.com/browse/cherish.
28
Marilyn Vancil, Self to Lose—Self to Find: A Biblical Approach to the 9 Enneagram Types (Enumclaw, WA: Redemption
Press, 2016), xvi.
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