Umber Siddiqi
PURPOSEFULLY
ANNOYED
AN D OT H E R S H O RT STO R I E S
PURPOSEFULLY
ANNOYED
&
Other Stories
Copyright © 2022 by Umber Siddiqi
ISBN: 978-0-9569086-0-5
ISBN: 978-1-7372635-1-7
Published: October 2022
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,
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Umber Siddiqi
CO L L E C T E D STO R I E S
Cover & Book Design by Ella Um mejukimade.com
Contents
This book is for everyone who has struggled with
marriage,
with kids,
with life’s occurrences.
It’s for those of us who have cried because
Introduction
Marriage & Love
the load was too large
for our hearts to encapsulate.
Pieces of Palestine
On Being Muslim in America
Underage Sage
It’s for those who hold it in,
and shed no tears.
Some Kind-A Attitude
This book is for those who love life,
Growing Pains
yet have many questions.
Stupid Meeting
Parental Discretion is Advised
Overwhelmed in an Underwhelming Place
For God’s Sake: Living in a Divine World
Wise Men
Write Our Wrongs
This book is for my family, who make my life so rich
and fill me with a plethora of emotions,
ranging from,
well,
read the book…
1
Purposefully Annoyed
Introduction
Introduction
I do not want to write an introduction. I mean, who likes to
read long introductions? I don’t. So, I’ll make this as brief as
possible.
I write about my soul-searching through everyday
experiences.
This anxious consideration, is something many mothers,
fathers, and artists experience. After writing down my life
experiences, I have realized that my soul-searching is pretty
entertaining, yet spiritual. Then the thought that I am a
I want us to realize things aren’t the way they seem.
There are always 2 perspectives to consider.
purposefully annoyed Muslim was born.
This makes us flexible in life.
I’m sharing this with you so you might feel less alone in the
This might help us increase in faith.
world, so that what you think is life-crushing, really isn’t.
And so maybe you’ll remember God. And maybe, just
maybe, I will wipe out some negative connotations about
the word “Islam.” Maybe this book might help dispel some
misconceptions about Muslims, which might make you ask
more questions about Islam, which, by the way, will likely be
the largest religion in the world by the year 2050 along with
Christianity.
But please, don’t quote me; google it.
This book will also unite many parents, mothers, fathers, and
spouses, as our life experiences are pretty much the same.
And maybe this purposefully annoyed Muslim will sound like
a purposefully annoyed you!
2
3
Roseless Bachelorette
Roseless Bachelorette
My ammi, or mother, blamed my dad:
PA RT O N E
Marriage &
Love
“I told him that we should start looking for rishtae or
potential suitors for marriage right after you
graduated high school. We should have started the
search at least after your second year of college but no,
your dad said, ‘Let her focus on her studies,’ and now
look at you, you didn’t get a head start.”
And so, I got married late, at age 31, which, according
to South Asian standards, is an avoidable mistake.
My parents, extended family, and I were so worried
that at age 30, I’d never find “the one.” I mean, the one
and only perfectly arranged marriage.
“Umber, you’ve passed age 29, your prospects are
going downhill fast. Nobody wants someone after
age 30,” echos in my mind. What a nice echo to hear,
right?
Then I celebrated my 30th, and continued to deal with
the Pakistani suitor process.
Think of the Pakistani suitor process like “The
Bachelorette” dating process minus the one rose (only
one rose, how cheap!)—well, minus everything except
the men. Add your parents and chai and a box of
chocolates and many roses into the picture, and you
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Purposefully Annoyed
Roseless Bachelorette
have your first suitor meeting.
And so, he did not bend down on one knee, nor did we
exchange rings. Instead, I told my mom yes, and she
called his mother and he found out I said yes.
Your first meeting will decide, Yes we will invite them
over again to our home, or in some cases it’s
Yes, we will fly in to meet your son or
No, my daughter can’t give you her email address or
message him, she’s not interested.
“Umber, I’m telling you, you're too old,” my mom
pleads. “Please don’t say no to Bachelor #4. Promise
me you will talk to him.”
Now, how’s that for a final episode of
“The Bachelorette”?!
-
“OK, Mom, I’ll give it another shot,” I said, thinking I
would just say no after the first meeting because he
would trip up and I’d have a valid excuse to say no.
After all, he was from Karachi and I was from Brooklyn.
What in the world would we have in common? I’d find
some reason to say no.
But he didn’t trip up.
There was something about how he looked:
He was good-looking.
There was something about how he spoke:
He appeared to be kind and gentle.
And there was something I heard he was known for:
I knew he remembered God, and acted upon his faith.
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Purposefully Annoyed
$55.61
$55.61
I can tell he is so happy to greet me because he has
one job:
to stand
One hour ago, I spent $55.61
This is why.
to greet
My mantra as I come home from work:
to wipe
Buying Tupperware will make me feel better.
Buying Tupperware will make me feel better.
We must buy Tupperware because last night, our
leftovers were homeless.
There is NO WAY he can mess this up as his manager
watches from a distance. No Way.
So I give him the nicest smile you can give with a
mask on and say, “Hi.” He grabs a cart and wipes it
down.
This is why I pull into HomeGoods this evening.
This is his lucky day, because I am no ordinary
customer; I wear hijab—a rarity for the eyes!
I find prime parking because no one else has my
mantra.
I have brightened up his day with me being here.
On this cold winter’s day, no one is thinking like me.
Right here.
Right now,
There is no place I’d rather be.
As I walk in, a 17-year-old greets me, and it’s his lucky
day!
This is stuck in my head.
He greets me with a roll of brown paper (the public
bathroom hand roll) and a “shop safe” sanitizer spray
bottle.
I remember my mantra.
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9
But as I stroll only 300 feet, something grabs my
immediate attention.
Purposefully Annoyed
$55.61
Low and behold, it is a long modest shirt. For me, a
modest shirt is defined as
But WAIT! Maybe, just maybe, I can wear size L with
the buttons open.
a shirt that goes past my butt.
UMBER! Stop rationalizing this sheen summer shirt!
Remember the mantra!
You see, as a Muslim, I chose to be modest in order to
please my Creator,
and past my butt and knee-length shirts are my
favorite types of shirts!
And it is not easy to find long tops, especially if you are
plus size; it’s straight up not easy.
For some reason I forget my mantra, and in case you
forgot, it’s
Buying Tupperware will make me feel better.
I see another woman who is faster and more willing
than me (she obviously does not have a mantra to
distract her like I do) and she goes straight for the shirt.
So now I have to pretend that I am looking for another
shirt until she leaves. Please, God, I hope she’s not
looking for my size.
When she leaves, I check for my size, they don’t have it.
Nothing new. I sulk.
I push the cart away and remember: I need glass
Tupperware. I need glass Tupperware, as I head to the
shoe aisle.
There I find a nice pair of pink loafers. I take out my
cell phone and quickly google the brand and cost
online.
Hmm,
I will save $8 to $10 dollars PLUS shipping if I buy it
from the Marshalls side of HomeGoods.
I am so smart.
I try on the shoes and they feel like shoes I’d wear in
heaven.
I can wear these after three months, since it’s winter
now and these are for summer, plus, I can wear them
when I throw out the trash too.
I remember my mantra, so I go across the store and I
remember.
At least I saved 20 bucks. Plus, that shirt is off-season.
Nah, I don’t need it.
WAIT. I need a table runner for future parties when
we’re COVID-free, so and within five seconds, I spent
another 10 minutes looking for a table runner but all
that were left were these plain, yellow and checkered,
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Purposefully Annoyed
$55.61
cheap-looking ones and the red & green Christmasthemed runners. You know, the ones with whitebearded Santa Claus and reindeer embroidered on
the edges of the cloth.
I tell myself to put away three items that I don’t need:
rosemary garlic rub, monk fruit maple syrup, and
hazelnut truffles.
I double-checked for nice table runners, and that’s
how I knew this.
Now there is nothing left but to find some ketofriendly items and nuts for my Desi parents (FYI: Most
Desi, or Indians and Pakistanis and Asians, LOVE nuts,
unless, that is, you have a nut allergy)
Now I’m feeling really good; there’s no one in line, as
it’s too cold!
Shoppers’ tip: Recite a mantra, and you will find some
good deals.
-
Any nut except peanuts, any nuts except peanuts, is
my new mantra—my dad only likes non-peanuts.
So I spot some spices (all they had were peanuts),
and I pick up this burger mix and alcohol-free vanilla
extract.
Do you know the beauty of alcohol-free vanilla
extract?
I bet you don’t because it’s a Muslim thing!
I was really excited with that find! My mantra is history,
of course, because imitation vanilla is really hard to
find and this one came in a glass bottle!
Wow! I’m feeling pretty darn good right now!
With what I have, my cart is full, but one piece is
missing. I quickly grab the glass Tupperware, and it’s a
great deal—three for $6.99.
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Purposefully Annoyed
I Like Options
Today, my husband sent me screenshots of all the
shopping
that I did
this month.
I know I drove to work.
I Like Options
He thought so, too.
He WhatsApp messaged me screenshots
of his credit card bill.
Circled in red
were all the items he did not buy,
because I bought them.
That’s 25 hours driving.
That’s 25 hours of gas
Over 750 miles
I make him pay for it.
GAP
Marshalls
Burlington
I shop.
I make him pay for it.
Food: Him
My splurging: Well, it depends on what.
If it’s cake or anything food, it’s usually him
We both work.
We both get paychecks.
Circled were also
my generous donations to charities
Made with his credit card
3 separate donations (Hey, It was Giving Tuesday!)
Why do I do this,
use his credit card?
Sounds unfair?
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Purposefully Annoyed
I Like Options
It seems unfair, no?
So I digress.
I gave birth to our son
Why do I refuse to pay some bills?
For 9 months
In Islam, a woman’s money is her money.
I wanted to vomit every single day.
Not her husband’s
It is 100% hers
There’s a common phrase in my faith:
To spend as she wishes
“Heaven is under your mother’s feet”
You see, I am a Muslim
Her husband’s money
Most Muslims are not like Saddam Hussein or Osama
bin Laden
is also hers
Most Muslims are not like those idiots
Most Christians are not like Adolf Hitler or Eric
Rudolph.
Should I be scared of white folks that pass me in the
hallways?
To spend
(reasonably)
Anything her husband makes is hers
I did not have to remind myself of this.
or the Christian clients we serve at the Pantry I work
at?
I know.
No. Of course not.
I obviously know this.
I still get stares or double glances because I am
Muslim.
But I have to remind my husband
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Purposefully Annoyed
I Like Options
So sure, I’m not oppressed
one another.
But I am oppressing my husband.
And I know
What I am doing is wrong because
the reality is
I spend much more than him.
it is also well known that
We do this just about every month.
Marriage cannot be seen
in the prism of contracts & legal rights.
My husband tells me he’ll remove me
The Quran poetically says: “(your wives) are your
garment and you are a garment for them”
from his credit card account,
and
“The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I
am the best among you to my family.”
So it’s common sense
and I immediately pitch in.
Because I am scared.
I want to use his credit card
I like options.
but common sense is not so common
so I get unpleasant reminders from my husband
-
so I give,
but not because we can split 50/50.
We will never be equal.
We will complement
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Purposefully Annoyed
I Like Options
Friday the 13th
Did you know I got married on Friday the 13th?
It wasn’t an accident,
nor was it intentional.
I didn’t seek it out; it sought me.
You see, since nobody gets married on Friday the 13th,
I volunteered.
I raised my hand (figuratively speaking):
Who wants to get married on Friday the 13th?
I will! I will! I replied.
(I was the only one raising my hand, though, and that
is OK.)
It was called the Rosewood Hall then.
Classic curved flowing wooden stairs
The menu:
Chocolate-covered strawberries
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Purposefully Annoyed
I Like Options
Biryani
I knew this when she said,
Butter chicken
Umber, I have to tell you something about the cake.
Samosas
Yet, I really didn’t care.
Four more dishes
The lopsidedness bothered me,
One hundred and fifty people
but just not enough,
Muslim DJ who played Islamic-sounding beats
and so I forgave her.
(Not much dancing)
My cousin told me I had the best wedding music she
ever heard
(think ’80s and ’90s jams + cultural tracks)
You see,
But does this even matter?
Wedding Destination Table Cards,
this was before the time of
Photo Booths,
My dear friend made my three-tiered cake.
Itinerary Cards,
It was lopsided.
and all that fancy
It was slightly leaning
high-level
to the side,
wedding “project management” nonsense
(and yes, I’m jealous).
Unlike the Leaning Tower of Pisa,
this cake structure wasn’t going to become famous.
She was nervous and I knew.
22
My cake was lopsided
but the mango mousse-filled tier
and coffee tier
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Purposefully Annoyed
I Like Options
were both delicious.
and that we are all born innocent
Both human beings and discounts are beautiful.
Why on Friday the 13th?
The discount, of course!
My parents worked hard,
I didn’t do it intentionally;
and not just to blow it all on the wedding!
it was offered.
And then I thought:
So I took my chances on the 13th.
Yup, Friday the 13th sounds pretty good.
That’s what you do in life.
And on top of the discount
And I know I haven’t taken enough chances in life.
They gave me two banquet halls for the price of one.
Friday the 13th was just the beginning.
No one else wanted to have a wedding on the 13th.
I know I won’t jump out of an airplane,
You see, I don’t believe in
or climb Mount Everest.
Western superstitions: cats, ladders, rabbits’ feet,
broken mirrors
No!
I was born on the East Coast, anyway.
My parents don’t take those kinds of chances
(and they raised me, so I choose to be like them).
I believe in discounts
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Purposefully Annoyed
Peas & Patience
They took a different kind of risk:
Peas & Patience
an arranged one
Because I agreed to be engaged
Corn… Peas… Carrots
before even meeting my husband face-to-face.
Corn… Peas… Carrots
If this isn’t a risk-taking
Please buy the frozen vegetables: corn, peas, and
carrots.
I really don’t think climbing Mount Everest is either …
-
Why is every grocery shopping list
an expedition?
Even if it’s 1 darn item,
it becomes a mini adventure for my spouse.
I just don’t understand.
Why is it so difficult for some people
to buy 1 item without calling me on the phone?
Why is this my weekly test, Lord?
Every day after work,
before my husband goes to pray,
he usually asks me if we need anything at home.
He usually asks me before he leaves.
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Purposefully Annoyed
Peas & Patience
It’s not required to go pray at the mosque.
You know, the usual:
It’s just more highly recommended for men.
bread, milk, eggs
Well I digress.
the common things that run out in the middle of the
week,
Anyhow, I tell my husband to buy small grocery items
we need that night.
kind of like gas in your car.
Other than salad, we have no mixed vegetables to
accompany my spaghetti and meat sauce.
And 1 to 2 times a week, he goes to pick up these
random items.
I VERY CLEARLY tell him:
Last week I needed green onions.
Buy mixed corn, peas, and carrots.
Yesterday, I ran out of half-and-half for my coffee.
The one we have bought for 8 years.
Pretty clear, right?
And one thing I should remind you is that my husband
is Muslim.
And as a male Muslim, he tries to pray 5 times a day at
the local mosque.
He usually gets just 2 to 3 prayers in, and even more
on the weekend,
I even text him:
Buy corn, peas, and carrots.
I get a call from him:
Look at the pictures I sent on WhatsApp
Is that what you want?
because waking up at 5 a.m. to drive to the mosque is
kind of hard, and so he prays at home.
I reply in one octave higher than my usual voice:
He does it because he’s a good man.
Is it corn, peas, carrots?
If I were a man, I don’t think I could.
He says:
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Purposefully Annoyed
Peas & Patience
Well, look at the picture.
corn, peas, carrots.
Irritated, I close my phone screen (keep in mind I’m
cooking),
And he knows how they look,
and look at the picture.
It says Stir fry: broccoli, water chestnuts, and carrots.
Me:
Yasir, there are no peas or corn in this…
There’s even pictures of the vegetables on the packet!
I answer, another octave higher.
He remarks: There’s only this.
I raise my voice:
No, check the entire section, you will find it.
since he’s eaten these vegetables before.
OK, you said corn, peas… and what else?
Me, very loud now
CORN PEAS CARROTS
CORN PEAS CARROTS
CORN PEAS CARROTS
My husband: Oh yes, they ha—
Bye, Yasir. Click.
I need peas and patience in my marriage.
We hang up
I am a bit annoyed.
The successful marriage is not when you
And 3 minutes later,
can live in peace with your wife, but when
I get another call from him.
Why???
Keep in mind,
I already typed out
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Purposefully Annoyed
Never Give Up
you can’t live in peace without her.
—Yasir Qadhi
Never Give Up
Life is interesting
-
Because people are interesting.
People are also funny
Mean
Ironic
Diabolical
Immature
Kind-hearted
Stimulating
Uncompromising
And straight-up wrong.
But oh, we’ll never admit it!
I get the honor,
the absolute pleasure,
to deal with all kinds of people.
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Purposefully Annoyed
Never Give Up
And guess what,
And I correct
so do you!
both children
and adults,
There are people who don’t know
for absolutely free.
how their words affect others.
Do you know many adults
And then there are people
lose it,
who have no table manners!
just like little kids?
And I seem to get people right
half of the time.
Like children,
Especially when I am giving out advice,
adults are not always nice.
or,
telling them what to do.
People lose their temper in meetings
and at home.
It seems,
at that moment,
As for meetings, they show up late
that I, myself, know it all.
and they speak out of line.
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Purposefully Annoyed
Never Give Up
I am here
Believe it or not,
to give you a lending hand
your family at home,
and a mouthful of advice.
the ones who love you the most,
are the worst perpetrators!
Sometimes,
They may treat you inconsiderately at times—
this keeps me sane,
it’s true!
as I see all these people getting it so wrong,
They get distracted,
and me,
And so, they irritate you,
sitting here,
they manipulate you,
getting it all right.
and unintentionally make you irate!
Your 5-year-old child
Being able to help people
may even poop in their underwear
is immensely gratifying
while you are eating a hot fudge sundae!
half of the time.
The audacity,
This is especially true
the nerve!
when you are trying to help your family.
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Purposefully Annoyed
The problem with speaking to family is the tone and
timing.
Never Give Up
Well, here’s an example.
You need to say the right things at the right time,
and oftentimes,
Item needed: chocolate.
I get the “right time” part all wrong,
as well as “the right tone.”
I ask him: My love, can you get me low-sugar
chocolate too?
Here’s one scenario:
Your son is not listening.
He replies:
You scream at him,
Don’t call me love, I know what you’re trying to do,
and the answer is no.
and then you calmly tell him what’s wrong.
So I try again:
You see how the order was reversed?
Try to ask him nicely first instead!
OK, forget I said love. Just get me the healthy
chocolate brand I like.
Another example:
Let’s say your husband is on a quick run to the grocery
store,
and you want to add an unimportant item.
No, he says: First, tell me if this Ben & Jerry’s brownie
core is all brownie, because it says white chocolate as
well. I’m sending you a pic.
How should you proceed?
I answer
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Purposefully Annoyed
Never Give Up
and also yourself,
Why did you ask me?! You know I’m on a diet! Now I’m
salivating—great! You KNOW I haven’t had that for
the past 2 months. You’re tempting me.
you will be OK.
Because if you can deal with people at home
You can do ANYTHING.
He says, Grow up. I’m sending you a picture right now.
After all,
you’re not living with your co-workers.
I tell him, I’ll check but if I answer, you have to buy my
Unreal Chocolate.
I love righteous people, even though
I am not one of them….
OK fine, he replies.
—Imam al-Shafi'i d. 204H/820CE
You see,
I should have said “my love”
after I gave the command.
As long as you never give up on people
both at home,
and at work,
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Purposefully Annoyed
You Are far From Perfect
You Are far From Perfect
Interrupt you
NEED you
Right when you are in the middle of something big.
It’s as if to say:
Can you fill up my water bottle?
My husband asks.
Hey, did you forget about me?
Just in case you did, can you fill up my water bottle?
Subhanallah! I say semi-sarcastically
SubhanAllah means
Oh Lord, how far are you from imperfection.
And then I realized,
I do the exact same thing sometimes.
I lean on my spouse when he’s busy.
My family, like yours, are far from perfect.
How does it feel when they are unavailable for you?
Yasir, do you see I’m on a group conference call
How do children feel in the same predicament?
And we are reading Quran together?
Plus, it’s 5:15 a.m.
It’ll take self-sacrifice
You’re fasting.
and constant reminders
You don’t even need water.
to people like my son
to not interrupt
Another example of imperfection:
when Mom is unavailable.
My son knows I am working
Yet he will put a toy ping-pong gun to my ear,
threatening to shoot.
To remind him to wear slippers in the bathroom
And so, I can’t focus.
To remind him not to get up and jump on the sofa in
the middle of dinner
I love how family members call you
To remind him to have patience
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Purposefully Annoyed
This was another personal breakthrough.
Spouse Driving Stories: My Life Can Wait
Spouse Driving Stories: My Life
I don’t like to be interrupted,
nor do I like to feel like I am losing control.
It was a reminder to me
that what you dislike in others
is often what you are harboring in yourself.
-
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Purposefully Annoyed
Spouse Driving Stories: My Life Can Wait
Can Wait
a year,
it might be 15 days max.
If you are wondering
Talk nice, please, I tell my husband in the car.
He retorts back: Talk nice, please. Please talk nice and
lovely
You act like a bird with broken wings.
He remarks in Urdu.
I spit back: No, you said “lovely” because your racist
skin lightening called “Fair & Lovely” cream sucks!
I think the reason you can critique your spouse so
much
is not out of love,
Wow Umber, what a random low number,
I’m here to tell you,
I am not being random:
Formula:
If you consider 1 hour a day of getting along 100%,
That is 365 hours a year divided by 24 hours
1 x 365 = 365 ÷ 24 = 15.2
(not counting REM sleep and eating Good food
together or Birthdays)
but rather annoyance AND love.
And the fact is that opposites attract,
I delve deeper into driving spouse driving stories.
but only for periods of time,
such as the time spent in your car.
I don’t trust my husband when he drives.
It’s not like we can sing in the car together;
Especially if a call comes from Pakistan.
there’s no car karaoke happening here!
Focus on the road, please, I whisper.
He might think I’m irritated
If you count the number of times opposites attract in
at the fact that he is talking to his family,
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Purposefully Annoyed
Spouse Driving Stories: My Life Can Wait
but I’m just scared for my life
No.
Or rather,
He remarks:
Our insurance going up.
I have money in my pocket
Look out for the bump!
and food to eat
Turn on your wipers!
But I can’t eat a thing.
Watch out! Pleaseee don’t give me a heart attack
It’s hard to translate and get the same rich meaning.
(I’m finally losing weight and want to live!)
He means:
His younger cousin calls from Pakistan.
He tells him in Urdu:
My mom has no life
When they lift her arms, they have no life, they fall
back down and
the paramedic said
If I have everything without my mother, it doesn’t
mean a thing.
They are telling me to come home
and see Mom, but I can’t bear it.
I can’t see her.
My Lord is bigger than this situation,
whatever happens, happens.
I don’t want to tell you it’s good,
and you go to the hospital,
Now I stay quiet.
and you think that there’s hope.
And stop the knee-jerk reactions
My husband asks:
of spitting out
Is the oxygen tank not helping?
driving safety rules.
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Purposefully Annoyed
My life can wait.
Drive and talk away, my friend.
Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day
Did I ever tell you about the time
when I told my husband
If you had the age of Nuh, the ownership of Suleiman,
the faith of Ibrahim, and the wisdom of Luqman,
then you would still have to face the agony of
death. Behind death there are two abodes: if you
miss one of them, you will end up in the second.
—Al-Ḥasan al-Baṣrī to ‘Umar b. ‘Abd al-‘Azīz
At least buy me a card for Valentine’s Day?
I know I didn’t.
So every year, I remind him to buy me a Valentine’s
Day card.
And so his ritual became
to buy me a card every year.
-
You see, his birthday is on February 14th.
So it’s his day too.
But I say
I want to take advantage too.
You know,
it can be a day for both you and me.
I grew up with my father
buying my mom flowers
and showering us with gifts,
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Purposefully Annoyed
Valentine’s Day
My husband, then in Pakistan,
especially when he felt sorry.
said he read it and got the gist of it.
He’d buy small, meaningful gifts
like my favorite meal (hence my love of food).
So I thought we were set.
And so, I expected the same from my spouse
ha ha HA
Ha ha ha,
So one day, a couple of years after marriage,
I played myself yet again.
I told him days or weeks before Feb. 14th:
Before we married,
I know you didn’t buy me anything, and it’s
Valentine’s Day,
I told my suitor (and now husband) to read
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
Hey, this was a while back,
because I took a course on marriage & relationships
before I tied the knot.
Now I know why it’s called tying the Knot
and for me, it’s not due to any religious reasons
but it is a metaphor for future frustrations
and security to come.
Back to the book, Men Are from Mars…
The class instructor made us read it.
so I am just telling you,
it really sucks that every year I do something for you,
and every year, you wait till the day of
and scramble to buy something
and you end up saying, “Here’s my credit card, buy
something.”
Well, I can do that, but also at least buy me a card.
Take me on vacation, surprise me with a weekend
getaway.
(He never did, so I do my own, every year.)
And so, he comes home from work an hour late,
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Purposefully Annoyed
Valentine’s Day
and eventually he hands me a card,
removed it from the bag
and I smile
and handed it to me,
feeling like he loves me (He reallllly loves me)
just like that!
It was hilarious.
I open the card (it was oddly unsealed)
I mean, who gives an empty card to someone?
It’s a Valentine’s Day card.
I can’t remember what the card said.
Imagine an empty card of sympathy, unsigned.
Some mushy stuff.
I can’t believe he did that!
But what I do remember,
So I told him:
Opening it and discovering,
Did you save the receipt?
that something was missing.
You might as well return it.
The card was empty.
Hey, maybe someone else can sign it
Yasir, you forgot to sign the card!
and use it.
And my name isn’t even on the envelope!
So I’ve learned to just
He looked at me in shock and slight embarrassment,
charge a gift to myself on his credit card,
and we both laughed.
and tell him I bought myself a gift.
I laughed **hard**.
Thanks for paying for it!
He just bought the card,
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Purposefully Annoyed
Didn’t Work
Last year I asked.
Didn’t Work
I think this year I’ll just do it.
But I still expect a card
Do you want pecans in your pancake?
Sealed, signed, and marked.
I ask my husband who is texting on his phone.
He replies in Urdu, Just add it, don’t ask me such
questions.
Affection is not just given
when a gift is given,
but affection should also be given
even when it is missed
even when expectations aren’t met…
—Umber Siddiqi
-
I reply:
Excuse me! You should say
Yes, my darling, thank you for making my pancake
with strawberries. I’d absolutely love it if you added
some pecans.
In fact, I tell my husband:
You should go make ablution, and pray 2 rakat
shukrana (pray a prayer of thankfulness) for
having such an amazing wife.
He says, “Hmm, thankfulness… I should actually go
ge–…”
I interrupt him: Don’t say anything wack.
You tend to get carried away with your comebacks.
Just be eternally grateful for me, your wife.
And remember, heaven isn’t easy to get into, try
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Didn’t Work
harder by taking care of me…
the cover,
We don’t want you going to hell, do you?
and the title was:
He ignores me.
The Women of the Hellfire
Me:
Yes I know. OMG.CRAZY.
OK, turn off the stove in 1 minute,
Ridiculous.
your pancake will be done by then.
A horrible translation,
This is us, every week, feeling a little bit
underappreciated, unglamorous, and
and a horrible title.
still married. And there’s some lack of excitement,
some boredom as well.
But what does going to hell have anything to do with
this?
A few years ago, I was roaming a bookstore in Pakistan.
It was during the week of my engagement to my
soon-to-be husband.
I mean, who would buy that book?
If you were going to propose to your future wife, would
you gift her that title???
Would you gift that book to a rebelling teenager to
“set her straight”??
I was very tempted to ask if they had
The Men of the Hellfire version of the book.
I asked the bookseller if he had any books in English,
since most books are in the Urdu language in
Pakistan.
Then, I would feel uncomfortable,
I found some good books, and some, umm,
Because men deserve to know too!
yet at peace.
one book that rubbed me the wrong way.
The book caught my eye because it had red flames on
58
But I now know better than to show sarcasm,
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Purposefully Annoyed
or to forget that people weaponize faith
Didn’t Work
Allah and His Messenger. Those — Allah will have mercy
upon them. Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.
by using certain lessons inappropriately
—Surah At-Tawbah, 71
so that they hurt Islam’s bottom line,
which is to submit to God,
The most complete believer in faith is the best in morals,
and the best among you is the best to their wives.
by worshiping the one and only God.
—Tirmidhi
Book titles such as these confuse both Muslims and
non-Muslims alike.
What has both South Asian and Western American
culture done to put the fear in men for not treating
women gently and with respect?
-
What has President Trump done?
Nine years later, I mentioned The Women of the
Hellfire to an Islamic bookstore in the USA. And the
wise old man, the owner, smiled and said:
That title was made at a time when men thought they
needed to control their wives and put fear in them.
It obviously didn’t work for me.
The believing men and believing women are allies of
one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what
is wrong and establish prayer and give zakah and obey
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Don’t Fall Asleep
Don’t Fall Asleep
in accepting all of our flaws.
And so I pray,
Keep writing.
Oh Lord,
Keep flowing.
this is my plea:
Keep healing.
Please heal me
Don’t succumb to the temptation of sleeping.
as you are Ash-Shafi’i,
Keep glowing;
the Healer.
let your words explore the reality
You are Al-Adil,
of our minds
you embody justice,
our feelings
and you are the subtly kind
our God.
Al-Lateef.
We dream of our prayers coming to fruition
Oh God,
as we sleep.
Please accept me as I am,
But,
with all my flaws.
our prayers also come true when we write,
I will keep writing
as with writing comes understanding,
and keep recognizing
and what follows is some contentment.
all that you have bestowed upon me.
But we should never become complacent
This intellect,
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Contents
this calling,
this need to tell my story.
So please don’t let me fall asleep.
Unless you raise my status in those dreams.
Sleep oh sleep, you used to tread me so beautifully
Use you with impunity, 4 years it was just you and me
Now I got these deadlines, chasing after headlines
Making up for dead time, Standing in this bread line
Cant see you like I used to, miss the way we used to
Daily vows we would renew, every time we’d rendezvous
Now we’re always fighting, cuz im always writing
I know that you’re inviting, but life is too exciting.
—Ammar Alshukry
And to have spent the night sleeping and awoken
regretful is better than to have spent the night standing
(in prayer) and awaken impressed with oneself.
—Ibn al-Qayyim al-Jawziyyah [d. 751H/1350CE]*
-
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My Son, my “Wow Card”
My Son, my “Wow Card”
and again as you brushed your teeth
The next morning.
I can watch you for minutes.
Your excitement gives me butterflies
I’d say hours,
not in my stomach,
but I have places to go,
but in my heart.
and books to read,
I love how you humbly lug around a hardcover 700
page Harry Potter book to school,
TV shows to watch,
just hoping you get to read 5 pages.
and meals to prep,
and a job.
I love how you ask me what the word “crush” means,
yet your little body looks so tiny.
Umar,
I love how you get excited about 15 minutes of extra
free recess;
But your heart,
you told me about this 3 times.
your heart is so large, pure and innocent:
When I picked you up from school, you said:
It forgives and forgets .
Guess what mom? I get 15 minutes more recess time
because I completed my times table.
It desires Mac & Cheese, only the Kraft brand,
and a new pool floatie.
Then again,
You mentioned it at bed time,
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And I absolutely love it when you give me school
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Purposefully Annoyed
My Son, my “Wow Card”
updates.
how pure and innocent you are,
We’re going to finish Charlotte's Web tomorrow,
because it reminds me of how innocent we were all
born,
because today we get our rewards,
so we won’t be able to finish it.
and it gives me hope.
Momma,
Momma since Fruity Pebbles
and Cocoa Pebbles are my favorite cereal, tomorrow
I’m going to try them together.
OK Umar, I reply.
Allah’s Messenger kissed Al-Hasan ibn `Ali while Al-Aqra`
ibn Habis At-Tamimi was sitting with him . Al-Aqra` said,
“I have ten children and have never kissed one of them.”
The Prophet cast a look at him and said, “Whoever is not
merciful to others will not be treated mercifully.”
And mom, I want Kraft Mac & cheese for dinner.
—Bukhari
The Prophet said, “(It happens that) I start the prayer
intending to prolong it, but on hearing the cries of a child,
Dear Umar, I’ve been saying this for 5 years,
I shorten the prayer because I know that the cries of the
child will incite its mother’s passions.
but please, don’t grow up yet.
—Bukhari
You make me think:
My son has a good childhood.
He doesn’t understand adult problems yet,
-
and for that I’m grateful.
Please keep showing me
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Cry, Then Eat
Cry, Then Eat
What do you want for breakfast?
Asks a co-worker
Egg & cheese
PA RT T WO
Pieces of
Palestine
And hash browns
I reply to myself,
but I don’t tell her.
How can I
when I feel like crying,
though I am hungry?
How can I eat good food,
and feel full,
after watching
a child cry in Palestine
As he picks up his toys from the rubble.
Oh, the guilt is bearable,
but it should be unbearable,
because I am still able to say,
I want ketchup with my hash browns.
Yet, I want to comfort this child.
This poor child is crying.
I wish I could stay hungry,
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Human Rights Watch Says…
as what they are doing in Palestine
Human Rights Watch Says…
makes me want to cry as I eat,
and pray as I cry…
My Palestine
A child hold’s his emotions: https://bit.ly/palestinechild
appears to be under attack again.
Some Facts:
-
Bombs are being thrown
inside holy sanctuaries.
Tear gas, rubber-coated bullets, and shock grenades,
videos of soldiers throwing the latter
in front of a child on a crowded street…
Wreckage and arrests can be seen
inside and outside a monumental holy place of
worship.
Yes.
Throwing any type of grenade inside a church
where worshipers are praying
is a big no-no.
Unless the church is actually a mosque,
and you throw the shock grenade in front of a group
of women.
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Human Rights Watch Says…
Then it is OK.
My people in Palestine!
According to Israel, it is even justifiable.
Your suffering is unfathomable.
Is a heart and brain too much to ask for?
We envy your bravery,
Your outdoor iftars next to soldiers holding guns
Never forgivable
bring hope and will bring eventual victory.
A part of shared history
What are the soldiers’ guns
The one up above is Watching
when you hold truth and honor at your breasts?
every oppressor’s every move.
They murder your mothers,
But so is Human Rights Watch
evict you out of your homes
and have abused your sons
As a mosque goes up in flames
for the past 70 years.
The friends of soldiers chant
May their names be erased.
Let’s discuss the past 70+ years of colonialism
that our Palestinian friends have endured.
But God would never allow that!
Yes, my friends keep track
He is The Most Just
of the discrimination and lawsuits they would love to
file
The Protector
if they would ever win, just win one.
800,000 to 1 million olive trees have been uprooted.
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Human Rights Watch Says…
Thousands of Palestinian homes have been
demolished since 1967.
Ramadan fasting) is broken and you eat. The
fast lasts from dawn until sunset.
Your warm smiles
as they arrest you on cold, hard pavement
-
brings me hope!
So open your fast and protest!
Sing on the streets and show people
even though you don’t possess advanced weapons
and financial aid from first world countries with war
lobbies.
But why would you
when the oppressors do?
All you have is your land and a heart that beats
And rocks.
Crimes of apartheid and persecution
against anyone is inexcusable
(And is also common sense)
Iftar is the time when a fast (the month of
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Purposefully Annoyed
Neutrality
Today I woke up and
listened to a podcast
which told me to let my “inner artist grow”
by writing my thoughts out every single day.
Neutrality
I feel guilty
for not doing a 20-minute brisk walk
as the podcast suggested I do
so my creative juices can flow;
I only took half of the podcast’s advice.
I tend to do that with lists, such as
So then I thought of all the things I did wrong.
I wrote: I forgot to get my son’s kid-friendly body wash.
5 things you can do to improve XYZ.
Two tips are enough to follow;
How many more times will I forget this small yet
much needed item?
it’s not that I only want to be half as successful,
I reflected on my lack of waking up on time today
but rather, I think the other 3 ideas are dumb or
nonsensical to follow
and missing my study circle.
How was I able to read for an hour & a half
as a mother or spouse.
Anyhow, I digress.
while fasting in Ramadan,
and after Ramadan, I can’t even wake up with coffee
because
today, I am not even fasting!
I felt guilty.
78
It was surprisingly easy to work in Ramadan with
minimum fuel in my body,
and now that I am not fasting from food and water,
I am wondering why it is so difficult.
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Purposefully Annoyed
Neutrality
And this is where the guilt comes in.
Then I thought of the updated death toll of children
Then I realized two realities—
from the bombings being carried out.
One that is very, very sad:
The illegal occupation of Palestine
The people in Palestine can’t worry about their
and how the imposed apartheid-like wall is inhumane.
children’s body wash.
And so these thoughts stop me from being creative.
And one that makes me guilty once again
Then I thought to myself:
but also blessed
Who decides who gets to lives in injustice,
because
and who gets to worry about a 3-in-1 body wash?
I am utterly grateful I can walk across the street,
Allah!
go to Rite Aid, and buy shampoo:
God!
I live in a soldier-free zone.
He has ultimate control of how the world plays out.
There is no one bombing my mosque.
So I decided to
There is no one breaking into my parents’ home.
relinquish most of my
There are no Israeli settlers trying to steal my home
guilt
while I attend a funeral.
shame
I can walk in a funeral procession
anger
with absolutely zero fear of police brutality.
and sadness
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Neutrality
to God;
groves, dead people, torn banners and folded ones, all
cutting their way into a future of flesh and blood and
He ultimately controls our destiny.
And He only asks that we are never neutral,
and we never play it safe.
being born in the heart of another child… Do you believe
that man grows? No, he is born suddenly — a word, a
moment, penetrates his heart to a new throb. One scene
can hurl him down from the ceiling of childhood onto the
ruggedness of the road.
That we are never neutral,
―Ghassan Kanafani
even when the injustice seems to never end.
We know too well that our freedom is incomplete
without the freedom of the Palestinians.
And so, I pray I will never bring shame by
remaining neutral in my writing.
―Nelson Mandela
My conscience won’t let me go shoot my brother, or
some darker people, or some poor hungry people in
If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you
the mud for big powerful America. And shoot them
have chosen the side of the oppressor.
for what? They never called me nigger, they never
lynched me, they didn’t put no dogs on me, they
—Desmond Tutu
didn’t rob me of my nationality, rape and kill my
mother and father. … Shoot them for what? How can
I heard you in the other room asking your mother,
I shoot them poor people? Just take me to jail.
“Mama, am I a Palestinian?”When she answered “Yes”
a heavy silence fell on the whole house. It was as if
―Boxer Muhammad Ali, 1967
something hanging over our heads had fallen, its noise
exploding, then — silence. Afterwards… I heard you
crying. I could not move. There was something bigger
than my awareness being born in the other room
through your bewildered sobbing. It was as if a blessed
scalpel was cutting up your chest and putting there the
heart that belongs to you… I was unable to move to see
-
what was happening in the other room. I knew, however,
that a distant homeland was being born again: hills, olive
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Purposefully Annoyed
Jacob From Long Island Is on Instagram!
Jacob From Long Island Is on
Instagram!
Jacob loves his new home!
From JFK —> Ben Gurion Airport
Well, his new home in Palestine
used to be someone else’s home,
that of a Palestinian family,
but he received it for free!
Well, nothing’s free,
but we’ll get to that!
It was free because Israel
really wants Zionists to move in!
Jews ages 18 to 26 get a 10-day vacation in Israel to
entice them to move.
How nice!
After all, you can’t confiscate peoples’ lands,
chop down thousands of olive trees,
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Purposefully Annoyed
Jacob From Long Island Is on Instagram!
destroy thousands of acres of farmland,
It is not in their best interest to leave.
and not have enough people to settle in it.
That’s half the plan!
And for those who noticed, it looks so bad
that you’re making people homeless,
so hurry up and help Jacob & other Zionists
move in
for almost free!
But not everyone agrees
that is a fine practice.
So if you are Palestinian, and a settler wants your
home, GET OUT
or expect soldiers to ruin your life and your little
children’s.
How do you get people to leave their homes in
Palestine?
Well, I hope you don’t have experience doing this.
It involves using scare tactics
on women, children, and definitely men!
Because if I steal someone else’s land,
But men get scared if you hurt their women &
children,
even though I have a home,
so it makes perfect sense!
it is morally objectionable and universally illegal.
So Jacob was recruited
And no, the Israeli government
to come to Israel
does not help Palestinians relocate
so Israel doesn’t look bad
or give them a free hotel
or any aid
but they still look bad,
to buy a new home.
thanks to Jacob on Instagram.
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Purposefully Annoyed
-
Outer Space
Outer Space
I want to be an astronaut,
so launch me into outer space.
Catapult me via rocket ship!
I’ll have to take some vacation days, though,
and I’ll need a babysitter.
It has been said
that once you go up into space
and you see the beauty of the universe,
you have no choice
but to believe in God.
But I already believe,
so I just want to exist
250 miles above the Earth’s atmosphere
for a few weeks
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Outer Space
so I can miss the Earth
and forget all the things wrong down here.
So just propel me into outer space
and bring me back down
Especially, for example, how we treat children in
Palestine.
I’ll pray that after a few weeks,
when the healing, aid, and reconstruction begins.
As there are no apartheid states
to ignore in outer space.
hopefully a picture will emerge of an injured child
akin to the most famous picture of the Syrian Civil War
A boy pulled from the rubble in
Syria https://bit.ly/boyinSyria
that brought people to their knees,
that made people woke about Syria,
It will be 52 years since Apollo 17’s Gene Cernan last
and that made people take a stand,
said, “We leave as we came, and God willing, we
putting pressure on governments
to end the Syrian Civil War.
For whatever reason,
be it money, power,
fear, or greed,
no one cares enough about Palestinian children &
their families.
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On Being Muslim in America
On Being
Muslim in
America
shall return with peace and hope for all mankind.
-
PA RT T H R E E
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“Are You Threatening Me?”
Some context:
A week ago, I emailed my son's second-grade teachers
about including Ramadan as a topic for Social Studies.
Their social studies class in December left much to be
desired. For 1 month, the kids decorated Christmas
trees, decorated snowmen, and basically did all
secular things Christmas.
My email:
“Are You Threatening Me?”
Ramadan. It is a huge part of many people's lives, such
as that of Umar.
There's some great educational videos (good for adults
and kids) out there. Here is one by PBS: https://bit.ly/
PBSRamadan
Their reply:
Good Afternoon,
In grade 2 we have a curriculum to follow for all
subject areas and religious holidays are not included
in our curriculum.
Good Afternoon, teachers Mrs. Y & Mrs. Z,
My edited reply:
How are you both doing?
I sincerely hope you and the entire class and staff are
doing well.
I was wondering if I (or anyone else) can offer some
cultural/social studies about the month long holiday
94
I was thinking of mentioning Ramadan in a
secular way. When we talk about Christmas in school,
there's no mention of religion, Christianity, Jesus, the
nativity, and so on. What was mentioned the entire
month was tons of Christmas imagery.
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Purposefully Annoyed
“Are You Threatening Me?”
Similarly, this would focus strictly on traditions, gifts,
decorations. What if I present a lesson to you, a book,
activity, or art, similar?
better understand why children get the day off of
school for Eid in places such as Jersey City and New
York City. Similar to how kids understand why they
get Columbus Day, Christmas, and Easter off.
Just like how the kids decorated Christmas trees for
social studies or art, they could color a geometric
design or moon phases/moon and star.
It would mean a lot to the students who celebrate
Ramadan to be recognized.
The email I won't send (UNEDITED Version)
I was thinking of mentioning Ramadan in a
secular way. When we talk about Christmas in school,
there's no mention of religion, Christianity, Jesus, the
nativity, and so on. What was mentioned the entire
month was tons of Christmas imagery.
Similarly, this would focus strictly on traditions, gifts,
decorations. What if I present a lesson to you, a book,
activity, or art, similar?
I don't mind being a guest speaker and sending art or
social studies activities for approval. Would you kindly
reconsider? Our current apartment management will
also be decorating for Ramadan. I asked. After all, they
are decorated for Christmas, Hanukkah, and probably
for other holidays, why not Ramadan?
Our last apartment, however, mentioned how this
is a Christian nation, and they would only express
Christmas. I immediately contacted a local lawyer's
association and the management apologized and
allowed Ramadan decorations.
My super was racist; later, my husband and he became
friends.
-
Just like how the kids decorated Christmas trees for
social studies or art, they could color a geometric
design or moon phases/moon and star.
It would mean a lot to the students who celebrate
Ramadan to be recognized. The students would
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Freedom Fries & Leaving France
France—
I hate you
for your policy.
You’re afraid of facts.
Facts such as some Muslims
prefer to think out loud
by showing their faith.
Freedom Fries & Leaving France
It’s not like we don’t want to wear bikinis
or skirts
or halter tops,
even though some may think they are uncomfortable.
We would just rather wear it at home,
and you like to wear it in public.
You, unfortunately, have a problem with that.
Dear President Emmanuel Macron,
You are right to fear
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Freedom Fries & Leaving France
Islam taking over
the Muslims in your country
Because when Muslims get mad,
are middle class
they have more babies.
while others are poor,
And you make us very mad!
so it’s an easy target for you.
Who the heck do you think you are?
So are nuns.
Arrest me in my headscarf!
Will nuns not be allowed to drape themselves
modestly as well?
I don’t care.
It’ll feel good.
I have an idea.
Your restrictions only make the fashion industry
Even more creative.
So thank you.
We are going to stay more true
Try banning bigots instead!
Ban your senate because
Like you,
I also believe in guilt by association
to our religion.
I know the facts hurt your ego
You say you want to
Why not ban the religion of obesity?
“strengthen” the nation’s “republican values.”
Cheese and chocolates and croissants and French
pastries have to go!
You do know that
Unfortunately,
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Strange Living
Muslims
And chocolate
And cheese
And croissants
Are here to stay
The France state believes that in stigmatizing
the hijab from all areas of public life, it will
liberate Muslim women from Islam.
Do you believe discrimination will work as
well? Because I would rather be “liberated”
from your POV, just as I am in Islam.
“The 2004 ban led to increased perceptions
of discrimination, which hindered Muslim
girls from finishing school.” —Stanford
School of Humanities and Sciences
“France to challenge Grenoble’s move to allow burkinis
in public pools” —The Guardian, March 18, 2022
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Strange Living
Strange Living
and he received death threats.
That must have felt strange.
How can the people you once loved
make you feel so out of place?
“Islam began as something ghareeb (strange)
and it will end as something strange,
so glad tidings to the stranger.”
And when Muslim African slaves were brought upon ships,
This is a famous saying in my faith.
chained living bodies dumped on one another
And what does it mean to be a stranger?
To be a stranger is to not feel at home;
like sacs of flour
it means to feel uncomfortable.
It’s the opposite of
“A place in your heart that you identify as home.”
their skins must have felt strange.
Up to 20% of Africans enslaved in America were
Muslim.
One such slave was Omar ibn Said
One contemporary religious teacher said,
When you exist on this earth and your faith or iman
gets stronger,
you’re going to feel further away from home.
I can imagine this is how Muhammad Ali felt
when he lost his Championship Belt.
Omar ibn Said was kidnapped from his West African
homeland and “transported” to Charleston, South Carolina,
in the 1800s.
He wrote:
“Before I came to the Christian country, my religion was
Muslim.”
That must have felt strange.
And how Malik Al Shabazz, Malcolm X, felt
when his car was bombed
It must be strange
to know that some of your ancestors were Muslim
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https://bit.ly/omaribnMuslim
yet Islam was beaten out of many.
Luckily, Omar had better treatment
and after escaping 2 years of cruel, treacherous work,
he wrote his autobiography in Arabic.
His American slave “masters” didn’t know Arabic.
Today we have the manuscript preserved in a museum.
While being enslaved,
he wrote two versions
Omar Ibn Said
https://bit.ly/omaribnMuslim
one for the abuser
one for his tribe of Muslims
This is the power of writing.
He was sold for $900
He was shipped,
yet, he shipped his work.
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https://bit.ly/omaribnMuslim
pray for us sinners
now and at the hour of our death.
Ameen
A Muslim in Catholic School
My Version. I would skip certain words as we’d recite it
out loud.
I felt like I was rebelling, yet no one knew it; it felt good.
How does a Muslim in Catholic school say her prayers?
She omits whatever she doesn’t believe.
You might ask: Hmmm, what might that be?
Well, here is a Religion 101 through the Pledge of
Allegiance
and a Hail Mary
Here’s my Hail Mary:
Hail, Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you;
blessed are you among women,
and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus.
I omitted reciting “mother of God” for 12 years in Catholic
Pledge of Allegiance:
school.
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of
America
And to the republic, for which it stands, one nation
under God
Indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
What else does a Muslim girl in Catholic school do?
Well, for one, she went home for lunch since they had no
halal meat at school and I was not going to eat a salad and
bread.
Only the uncool kids went home for lunch.
No words omitted here. I agree with all of this 100%.
Then when I went home, this uncool kid prayed and ate.
Hail Mary (original version):
My skirt was also almost ankle length at one point.
Hail, Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you;
blessed are you among women,
and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus.
I did rebel and roll it up later, but I still wore stockings.
Holy Mary, Mother of God
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I went to zero dances.
During Mass, I would do the same: recite only the parts of
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-
hymns (this little light of mine…) I believed in, and I would
and have taken Islamic classes.
sit down during the taking of the Eucharist.
During confession, all the Catholic students went and I
just sat in the pews; there were a few of us who didn’t take
confession.
My tuition cost more as well since I didn’t give to the Church.
I am grateful that I went to a private institution, and it was
right before the fall of Catholic schools in the city. The sisters
I am so grateful that I pledged allegiance to my faith,
and have not only built my understanding of
Christianity,
but also my American and Muslim identity in these
schools.
And now, I wear hijab, as nuns once used to wear.
and nuns were so compassionate;
-
we even learned a lot from the mean ones.
Do Not Do It in Front of Your
Mother’s Eyes
I still remember my favorite teacher,
Sr. Peggy.
Sr. Peggy was skinny, had white hair, a bob cut.
She had a high-pitched, skinny-sounding voice.
She was always smiling and wearing a cotton white or
pastel-colored shirt and long skirt, as all nuns did.
None of the nuns wore habits; they wore modest skirts
(below the knee) and a few wore loose pants.
I wonder if current nuns/sisters wear skinny jeans.
It’s been 22 years since I last checked.
And since I’ve left Catholic school,
I have gone to college
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Do Not Do It in Front of Your Mother’s Eyes
But alas, they are not halal.
Sometimes I wish I was born in a Muslim country.
So as a Muslim I cannot eat them.
Anywhere,
Some Muslims do eat them.
it doesn’t matter.
And that is OK.
Just so I can feel the brotherhood
and sisterhood of
Today, I had to fight my desires
feeling oppression by foreign & international powers.
to become the Muslim
Just kidding.
who chooses to eat fries from McDonald’s.
This isn’t getting political.
You see, Muslims come in all colors and shapes.
Some eat and drink whatever they want,
I wish I lived in a Muslim country
as they have different perspectives and opinions.
so I can eat McDonald’s french fries.
You get the gist:
What? you ask.
Some Muslims smell good.
Others, not as much.
Huh?
Those fries
Same goes for all faiths, as body odor does NOT
discriminate.
Those fries
(Try clinical deodorants, oh Christians, Muslims, Hindus,
and Jews, and Atheists, Agnostics.)
They smell sooo good.
I digress:
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Do Not Do It in Front of Your Mother’s Eyes
I can eat McDonald’s fries in Pakistan,
straw by slated straw?
Saudi Arabia, and even in Indonesia.
This 7-year-old kid
But the ones in my hometown, Brooklyn,
does not understand the jihad (the inner struggle)
are not halal.
to not eat a french fry.
Even the McDonald’s in the city of Palestine, TX,
do not have halal fries.
Halal just means “permissible.”
Why did you have to add beef flavoring in your fries,
oh McDonald’s?
I ate McDonald’s fries for 19+ years
and then read they were not halal!
In a nutshell, halal is based on the way the animal is
slaughtered.
And so I stopped eating them.
War-torn countries of my brothers and sisters
I also have to remove them from my son’s happy meals.
have halal McDonald’s french fries.
I’m babysitting for my friend
And yet, the fries here in the USA
And she bought happy meals
where I was born,
for both our kids.
the melting pot of America, New York,
I told her, “Don’t include fries for my son since we
think it’s not halal.”
are not halal.
Why, oh why, man!
However, she and her son think it’s “halal”; there’s a
difference of opinion.
Why did he have to eat them in front of me?
She forgets to remove the fries from the happy meal.
One by one
My son’s friend, Muhammad,
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Not Going to Bali Yet Either…
finds out my son can’t have any fries
Truth be told, I would have let him eat it.
nor can I,
He’s too young and innocent.
and so he keeps saying,
But my dear son, do not eat it in front of your mom’s
eyes
These fries are sooo good
Man, I love these fries.
because your mom wants to eat them too.
Teasing us.
Did I mention we can eat Wendy’s and Burger King’s
fries?
Tempting us.
They have no beef flavoring.
Torturing us.
My son is like, Mom, can I please have a fry?
-
I really want fries.
I tell him,
“Umar, it’s not halal, but I’ll let you decide.
Chose one: eat the fries and get no dessert (Dove
chocolate),
or get chocolate and abstain from the fries.”
Guess what? My son chooses fries!!!
I secretly take the fries away, as he didn’t notice
my parenting has backfired.
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Not Going to Bali Yet Either…
Not Going to Bali Yet Either…
that it’s really contagious.
She is my cheerleader.
One day at my apartment complex,
When my ball goes in the pocket,
I met a new friend, Sara.
She celebrates.
She was all alone.
She guides.
And so was I,
She coaches.
except for the 2 boys I was babysitting.
We play our Spotify
I asked her if she wanted to play foosball
Boyz II Men
and so we went at it.
Penn Masala
Atif Aslam
After I won at foosball, she asked me if I knew how to play
pool.
I didn’t.
And so we played pool together.
Well, she played pool
and I began learning how to play from her.
She was a wonderful teacher.
Radiohead
Mary J. Blige.
All the good stuff.
We exchanged phone numbers.
Every day she texts me:
What are you doing?
What time are you free?
Want to play pool?
Sara has so much positive, upbeat energy
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Not Going to Bali Yet Either…
And every day I answer:
I went from becoming a grade F player to a C- player.
Maybe later tonight?
I’m writing.
Or
One day, she texted me:
“I won’t be home for the weekend,
I’m working.
I’ll play with you next Monday.”
Or
I was pleased;
I’m eating dinner, maybe later?
I needed a break from playing pool anyway.
But instead, my friend Aliya came over that weekend,
She is incredibly patient;
and she played just as good as Sara!
she waits until I’m done,
Except for one thing.
then we play.
With Aliya, I sucked; I was incredibly bad.
And we play late,
And that’s when I realized,
and once we even played at midnight.
Sara’s positive energy wasn’t there.
It was just a game or two
Because although Aliya was nice,
after the kids and husbands are tucked in, and
she just kept asking me to take videos and pictures
coffee machines are fixed to grind
and drip by 7:30 a.m.
of her getting stripes in the pocket!
for the next day.
(I was solids.)
When I play with Sara, I felt powerful.
Then we play.
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Not Going to Bali Yet Either…
When she plays, she actually rubs off on me,
Me:
and I play better.
Why do you tempt me so? Trust me,
This friend was a keeper.
I want it
Until,
I want to get a “buzz”
Until she texted me,
I want to try it
“Hey I made some cocktails, they taste so good,
I also want to leave and go very far away
Want to try some?”
to the Island of Bali,
How do you tell someone:
leave my family behind,
I am so tempted, but I am Muslim.
and just take a break.
So I can’t drink.
But I won’t.
I answered nonchalantly:
Anyhow, I texted back:
“Oh hey, I don’t drink
No, I’m good.
if it has alcohol… ;(
But Thank You for thinking of me.
(Why did I put a sad face?!!!)
(I actually wished she didn’t think of me.)
She remembers I am Muslim and replies:
Oh well, at least I’m fully caffeinated!
Yeah, there’s alcohol.
And I am certain this tastes better than alcohol.
You never had alcohol before ah!!!
And I won’t get nauseous
Because I just made some.
if I overdrink
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Not Going to Bali Yet Either…
or throw up
they suffer intoxication from it
and say stupid things.
—Surah Saffat-The One who stands in rows 45–47
For me,
They question you about liquor and gambling.
Say: “In them is a great sin, and (some) benefit
there might be some benefit in drinking
for men, but the sin of them is far greater than
their usefulness. In this manner God makes clear
but God tells us there is more harm than good
to you his revelation so that you may reflect….
so drugs and alcohol are a no-no.
—Al-Quran 2:219
But at least I learned to play pool
Whoever abandons wine-drinking, although he could
I’ll wait until I go to heaven
drink it, he will be given drink within the holy sanctuary.
then God-Willing,
—Musnad al-Bazzār 7381, Reported by anas
and I’ll drink all the Mojitos, Mimosas that I ever wanted.
Until then, I’m good with Moroccan mint lemonade and
freshly squeezed orange juice any day.
Allah, God may He be exalted, describes
the wine of the Hereafter as being different
from the wine of this world. He says:
They will be presented with goblets
filled with flowing wine
White, delicious to the drinkers.
It will neither produce headache, nor will
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Swim Deep
-
Swim Deep
LinkedIn tells me that
“4 people are noticing you”
They think I will click on the bait
That I will click on their email.
DELETE.
You screwed me once before, LinkedIn,
I won’t be letting my ego get in the way again.
So what if they did?
So what if 4 random people
whom I have no connection with
“noticed me.”
What does that even mean?
I work.
I don’t have anything to gain.
Nor have I updated my profile in years.
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Swim Deep
But do I want to be noticed?
that’s dinnertime!
Flowered with attention?
Why not invite me at 9 a.m., before I go to work?
Invited places?
Oh and dear Instagram
Oh yes!
haaaaa
HAAA
Dear Yelp!
You have so many issues.
I know I am a Yelp Elite
Why is it
so I get invited to special places
I need to shut it down after 30 seconds… to one hour?
to eat special free food.
Why does everyone I follow
But did you notice that I have attended zero events?
Well, almost everyone on Instagram
look so darn gorgeous?
Dear Yelp and LinkedIn
I am a mom.
Why is it that either they look good,
I cannot attend events at 7:30 p.m. on a Wednesday night.
or their food and home does?
I am also a Muslim mom.
So there is no cocktail/happy hour for me…
Why are 60% of people on Instagram
And no, I don’t want to eat a Playa bowl
post while on vacation?
at 8 p.m.—
The islands of the Bahamas
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Swim Deep
Mexico
I must have
Egypt,
because I just developed a need for it,
and many more….
a taste for it?
Why are they skinny,
and drinking an 875-calorie milkshake
This isn’t always true.
with a doughnut or cookie hanging off the straw?
I go to Instagram for comedy skits and updates,
Why don’t I scroll down
but in general, social media can be so shallow,
and just see pictures of people
and I like to swim deep.
on a Zoom call
washing the dishes
-
annoyed
cleaning a dirty wastebasket?
Misery enjoys company, no?
Why do I only see things
I don’t have and
I don’t need?
But all of a sudden,
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Underage Sage
PA RT FO U R
Underage
Sage
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But You’re Not Even Fasting…
But You’re Not Even Fasting…
You think to yourself,
After you open your fast,
Go drink some caffeine and stop complaining in front
of me.
But you’re not even fasting!
there’s a floodgate of emotions…
How did I fast one more day?
How did I do it for 15 days?
And so they do!
Oh, wow, 15 more days to go.
They walk toward your desk with a piping cup of hot
coffee.
Let me drink more water,
You smell it; you can’t stop breathing,
because the dry fast is no joke.
and it’s only 9 a.m.—ten more hours to go.
And you cry inside.
When you are a fasting mom,
and your child asks you for some water,
When you’re fasting and people at work forget,
you tell them,
even though they know Ramadan is 30 days long
You’re not even fasting! Go get your own water, child!
and they know you have been fasting,
you think to yourself,
As an employee,
if you see another employee complain,
Dude, I told you Ramadan is one month long. You
saw me fasting, bro.
I am so tired,
Why do people eat, drink, and be merry in front of
you?
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Prime Members Save 39 Cents
This is why:
It’s because they can.
The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, entered
his wife’s home and she gave him food. He asked his
wife: “Will you eat?” She said, “I am fasting.” So he said,
“Verily, angels send blessings upon a fasting person
when others eat in their presence until they finish.”
.
—Sunan al-Tirmidhi
-
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Prime Members Save 39 Cents
Prime Members Save 39 Cents
talking to God
Spirituality with a 7-year-old boy.
while hungry. I am debating if I should do this
meditation now or after I eat
(and we all know the answer to that question).
It’s just difficult to be spiritual when you have a 7-yearold.
As a Muslim I was trying to remember God by saying
But then, I hear my son getting introduced to Alexa:
God is above all imperfections.
Alexa what is the weather?
All praise be to God
Alexa do you know I am a Muslim?
God is Great
Alexa can you make annoying sounds like boo boo
boo?
Alexa please make annoying sounds all day long?
I say each phrase 33 times in Arabic, and I
simultaneously translate these words into English.
I use my fingers as a counter akin to how one may use
the rosary to count.
Then I hear him laughing as Alexa makes sounds of
pigs oinking and now Alexa is farting as I write this.
One finger has 3 creases
So each finger equals 3
My son:
3x10=33 for a total of 99 phrases
Alex burn
Alexa says: If I could, I would.
I am doing this as I am sitting down on my prayer rug,
Alexa fart
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Prime Members Save 39 Cents
Alexa: That was a crispy fart
Alexa do a ketchup fart
After hearing this,
it was the end,
the conclusion of my contemplation.
Alexa made the most annoying sounds in the world !!
My son rushes to me on my prayer mat.
Alexa:
Buy the fart extension pack.
So my remembrance of God, or dhikr, ended with me
unplugging Alexa after:
Buy the fart extension pack
A huge variety of animal farts
Prime members save 39 cents
-
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1,000 Miles
1,000 Miles
Today I made up for yesterday’s “bad behavior” with
my 7-year-old son.
Yes! How the tables have turned.
Today I was playful with my child.
He decided he had to walk 1,000 miles.
At first, he didn’t tell me his goal.
At dinnertime,
I noticed he was walking
with his audio story playing on his headphones.
Then this evolved
into making trips around the kitchen island.
Round and round he walked,
again and again.
When I noticed this, I began following him, then walking in
the opposite direction.
I began pushing chairs in his way,
making an obstacle course.
Oh he was loving it.
Loving the attention & fun
his momma was giving him.
I would walk in circles and as I passed him,
put a grocery bag on his head, and when he took it off,
I would say:
Umar, put that bag back where it belongs!
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A Child’s Wisdom.
Lots of giggling.
A Child’s Wisdom.
Sometimes, I am afraid to joke with him,
because then, he never wants to stop.
He wants me to keep going,
even when I have to stop
or if I feel like stopping because I am tired.
Sometimes you need a break.
You know the feeling.
When you act in a way that is not good enough
for yourself.
But today was the perfect amount of giggles
because he was too busy walking 1,000 miles,
to even notice that I stopped playing with him to write
this.
-
You KNOW Better.
But you did not
Do better.
So you self-loathe.
When you push the wrong buttons
When you should “abort mission,”
because you see yourself
flying into the wrong orbit
and yet, you continue.
You self-sabotage.
You let a goofy kid
not make you smile.
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A Child’s Wisdom.
And you challenge a 7-year-old
**Mission failed
to a duel
Mission Aborted!**
to take you, the parent, seriously
Yet you keep going.
when he has the giggles
You keep trying
and he is hyper transforming into something which
you cannot control.
so much
And you take advice from other moms
that you end up in self-loathing mode
for a minute or two.
thinking it will work (Hah! what a fool you are!)
“Why did I let him get to me?”
and tell him:
To think that his tender 7-year-old heart
is ready to be serious.
There is a time and a place for jokes and right now we
are not joking.
We are reviewing a lesson. You are older now so I
know you understand.
Then it begins
Anger and frustration at yourself
And of course
for making a goofy 7-year-old feel bad
He doesn’t.
for not paying attention
He continues on
and messing up.
and on
Then your heart gives in
and on
and he sees your true love for him.
and this is when you should
As a parent.
call it a day and say
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You carry him up
up up high
This Moment
This Moment
telling him he will be an amazing great leader one day
because despite all the goofy actions he does
He is beyond his age in wisdom.
Because when you ask him in frustration
What are you thinking right now?
He answers:
You are not going to like what I am thinking right now,
so I won’t say it.
And then you crash
Because at that moment,
you wish you were a mirror of him
versus of yourself.
-
Momma, how many Cheez-Its would you eat if
you only ate Cheez-Its for your entire life:
for breakfast lunch and dinner?
Momma, which car would you choose if you had to be
a police officer:
a van
an SUV
a jeep
or a truck?
Momma, choose one:
a million dollars or your own airplane?
Momma, what if you had to eat all the sugar in the
world or die.
What would you choose?
Momma, one day, I will stop asking you cute questions,
choose one:
a) I stop now and forever
b) I keep going and slowly decrease my interest in you,
Momma?
Momma, do you know you are my best friend after
video games
and my school friends.
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Record & Replay His Blessings
And if the latter 2 are gone, you are the only one?
Momma, if you could choose a silent and mute son, or
me,
who would you choose?
Momma, I won’t stay 7 years old very long, but would
you prefer I am 27 and out of the house,
or at home constantly wanting to be with you?
Momma, when I leave you when I move out of the
house,
will you miss me?
Momma, when I no longer want to play with you,
will you miss it?
Momma, do you know I am one in a million,
so what would you choose, this moment, or a million
more without me?
Record & Replay His Blessings
What I miss
what I desire
what I love
the sunrise over the islands
I pray at fajr,
the prayer just before daybreak
so you see
there’s no way that
this is an utter coincidence
there is no way
my 2.5-year-old son
-
is still sleeping
while I enjoy this sunset.
There's no way
I can be at peace
until I appreciate this scene.
Thank you, God
for making me middle class
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so that I can enjoy
this $1,200 vacation for
the three of us
Thank you, Lord
for CheapCaribbean.com
Thank you, Allah, for this moment
on my terrace
watching your beauty unfold
I am in love
with you
and your creation.
My heart sings
so purely
at sunrise.
I am keenly aware
of this gift you gave me
of making me a leader
of vacation planning.
You taught me
Record & Replay His Blessings
Oh! I will enjoy it more
than a millionaire on a jet plane
because I know
I don't deserve this fully, really.
Really, I don't
This beauty
this magic
this Island
Fajardo, Puerto Rico.
Alhamdulillah, praise be to God
That I can experience this again
and I can record this
and feel as if I am there again
on the balcony
as my lovely troubles sleep in bed
through my parents
how to save,
work hard
and enjoy only snippets of life
Inspired by the song “Back in the Day” by Ilyas Mao:
-
Oh! How I will savor these 5 nights
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14 months
14 months
Today I write
as my son sleeps in his memory foam mattress
on the floor
because we couldn’t afford a 2-bedroom apartment
at our dream location.
We have a queen bed
with a frame
and he doesn’t.
This doesn’t bother me much.
I remind him that the trade-offs are exceptional,
that they are definitely worth it.
And he is enjoying all of the benefits of downsizing our
space.
I don’t care what people think.
But I do care about my child’s comfort.
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14 months
Oh no!
Because what society thinks is “appropriate”
I want to live in a beautiful space
is not appropriate for everyone.
and feel at my pace,
People like me seek guidance from a higher calling.
not yours.
Well, I try to.
And if that beautiful pace means that my only 1 child
I struggle to.
needs to comfortably sleep in 1 bedroom, with us,
I cry too.
then that absolutely works for me.
I do Istikhara, or seek divine Guidance, then make a
decision.
You see, my son is an insanely deep sleeper.
And I moved to remain near my parents
Sometimes I do wonder why I can’t be more
so I can take care of them.
consistent in making the right choices.
And also drop him off when necessary.
But this time,
So I am blessed.
after asking for guidance,
If I moved into a home
I made the right decision.
or 2 bedroom
I realized that you don’t need to live in a subpar
apartment
just because I had to follow society’s standards of
living and
or be in debt and get a home
if I needed to have a mortgage
because you need 2 bedrooms.
if I needed to have a picket fence
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14 months
if I needed to have both a boy
And every night we move him off of our bed
and a girl
because he likes to sleep there
and then I also needed to buy “property,”
and gently and lovingly place him on his soft, squishy
foam bed.
I know I would not be content,
because that’s a lot of pressure to put
on the things you don’t even want,
And yes, he wants a bed.
Yet, I have taught him
you don’t really need.
good things will come, so have patience as you live in
a great home.
If you’re in our family,
And that works for us,
then you don’t desire those things.
at least until the next 19 months, until our lease expires.
Sure, my son would have his own room,
Whoever among you wakes up physically healthy,
but our family wouldn’t thrive
for the day, it is as if he acquired the whole world.
feeling safe and secure within himself, with food
right here, right now,
—Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)
in my smaller 1-bedroom apartment.
The prayer of Istikhara, said when you need
to make a decision, such as moving into
It’s a people-friendly space,
a smaller yet lovelier apartment:
with so much love,
Oh God, I seek the counsel of Your Knowledge,
and we are attempting to smile
and I seek the help of Your Omnipotence, and
I beseech You for Your Magnificent Grace.
even with my son on his memory foam mattress.
Surely, You are Capable and I am not.
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Love or Video Games?
You know and I know not, and You are
the Knower of the unseen.
Oh God, if You know that this matter [then mention
the thing to be decided] is good for me in my religion
and in this life and the afterlife — then ordain it for
me and make it easy for me, then bless me in it.
And if You know that this matter is bad for me
in my religion and in this life and the afterlife —
then distance it from me, and distance me from
it, and ordain for me what is good wherever it
may be, and help me to be content with it.
Love or Video Games?
Whoever seeks the counsel of the Creator will not
regret it and whoever seeks the advice of the believers
will feel confident about his decisions. God said in the
Quran: “And consult them in the affair. Then when
you have taken a decision, put your trust in God.”
-
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Love or Video Games?
My son, Umar, pretends to be sleeping.
Every morning,
He tells me this.
well just on weekends,
When I ask him:
and also on April 5, 2021, spring break week,
Umar, if you’re awake, go brush your teeth.
a total of 4+ days,
He retorts:
my son jumps onto our bed,
Mom, I’m sleeping.
and snuggles with his dad.
Then when I leave,
If I’m awake,
Umar looks for the prime opportunity to play games.
then he sometimes snuggles with me too.
As I go to the bathroom to get ready for the day,
He prefers my husband.
I come out and quickly open the bedroom door.
If you’re an 8-year-old,
Every weekend, it’s the same thing.
the reason is obvious.
He sees me open the door,
My husband puts his phone under his pillow.
a big gapped-tooth smile escapes before
My son knows which phone has his downloadable
games,
he quickly hides the phone under the covers.
and it’s not mine.
It’s his father’s.
He puts the blanket over his head
and I tell him:
Umar,
The softer parent.
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You do know
that I know
what you’re doing, right?
Then I go to his side of the bed and give him a massive
hug
Love or Video Games?
“Choose one thing (that’s important): love or video
games?”
I tell him with an evil voice:
CHOOSE VERY WISELY
My son says
and multiple kisses
Mom, my boat will go off balance, stop.
on his tiny cold smooth cheeks,
He is steering a boat in his game.
his neck
I am hugging him and kissing him on every nook and
cranny;
his hands
He doesn’t reply.
his face.
I say it again:
He has the death grip on my husband’s phone.
Choose one
If his pajama leg is pulled up,
I pull it down
It’s my OCD.
I can’t see his skin exposed
on a cold winter’s day.
Love or video games?
He smiles, since my kisses also tickle, and says
I choose love and video games
(because with love, I will get more games).
So he knows how much we love him,
that we won’t let him stop playing.
Today I asked him:
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This happens every Saturday and Sunday
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Purposefully Annoyed
Some Kind-A
for about an hour and a half.
house, pick up his son and kiss him, then come back.
The screen time,
—Muslim
or mom’s guilt time has gone,
because it is buried deep inside me.
Because it’s love & games
-
that I crave for him too.
I crave his happiness.
His freedom to choose
anything he wants
at the tender age of 8.
PA RT FIV E
Some
Kind-A
The Prophet said, “(It happens that) I start the prayer
intending to prolong it, but on hearing the cries of a child,
I shorten the prayer because I know that the cries of the
child will incite its mother’s passions.”
—Al-Bukhari
I never saw anyone who was more compassionate
towards children than God’s Messenger (peace and
blessings be upon him). His son Ibrahim was in the care
of a wet nurse in the hills around Madinah. He would go
there, and we would go with him, and he would enter the
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Attitude
Living in kindness
Living in kindness
I’m not keeping count, but I’m pretty kind-hearted
People who are kind hearted do things like this:
- on kindness & attitudes toward situations
•
Refill the toilet paper before it runs out
so the next person is not stuck trying to reach for a roll that is more than 6 feet away
•
Fill up the manual bidet in the bathroom so that
someone else can come into the bathroom and
not have to fill it up with water
I wash 70% of the dishes.
I am beyond kind:
I microwave, bake, Instant Pot, cook 90% of the food
my family eats!
It might not look stunning but it is absolutely delicious
90% of the time
Rice: I have trained my husband how to make rice 2
different ways: Instant Pot and stove top.
I have taught my husband how to make my son
pancakes (just add water and flip).
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Living in kindness
I have told my husband and everyone else the keys to
my heart:
I only wish he learned this 9 years ago, versus 6
months ago.
Take me on a surprise getaway. He says
He has only made it twice.
No thanks.
My husband can also make delicious cashew mixed
vegetables.
But my friends say
Let’s go.
Again I metaphorically bow down to my husband’s
friend who taught him this dish.
I have taught my son the pleasure of throwing out the
garbage by riding his scooter so he has to make
I love my husband even more because he can cook
these two dishes.
multiple scooter trips, which he usually enjoys.
I really love you for making this, Yasir.
And the rest of the 10% of “keys to my heart” are in the
kitchen with my husband
I will love you more if you cook more…
My husband:
I have taught my husband the joy of making salads,
and he usually makes it in a joyful way.
Bed making manners
That kindness is all my husband
He makes the bed every morning.
I thank God that he learned how to cook Achari
Chicken, a Pakistani spicy tangy chicken dish.
This was something my husband was taught from his
friend,
You see, I am a “creative.”
I don’t like to make things nice and neat. I was not
born to make beds;
I was born to press the robotic vacuum’s button.
and I thank his friend forever in my heart of hearts for
this.
Driving
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Living in kindness
Again I win: I have to fill up the gas,
but I also use the car more.
A cleaner
I heat up my car’s engine until the arrow goes past “C”;
I never drive it until it’s warmed up.
A firefighter
And momma’s helper
I am kind.
The kindest thing I have is him. He’s 8 now.
Inside the car
Again, I am a creative, and so there will be some food
and drink related messiness.
At age 3
My husband is somewhat kind enough to take it to
the car wash.
Cutely arguing the money can’t go to the bank,
because it belongs to Chuck E. Cheese
More age 4
My son
Being super excited for Ramadan, our month long
holiday of spiritual fasting and charity.
My son’s kindness is due to our Creator;
He was born cute.
At age 4, I was his best friend.
His career aspirations, which he narrated to me in the
dark, at bedtime, were this:
My husband was kind enough to donate his good
looks to my son.
His eyelashes are mine: feminine and long.
His heart is pure and smooth like a lullaby.
Soon that will fade. So for now, I live in his kindness,
When I grow up, I wanna be :
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and I watch his old videos when he was ages 3, 4, and
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Purposefully Annoyed
9 Years Late
5 over and over again.
9 Years Late
-
I love my son’s teacher.
Her gentleness is sweet
Her praises are like waves;
It c her students in
beginner’s level Arabic.
My son has hope with her.
She makes them feel high-level.
I want her to be my teacher.
Beautiful, this is beautiful. Amazing, she says.
Go wash your eyes, I know you are tired; it’s OK, it’s
Ramadan
She says
So gently, so clearly
Is she even fasting in Ramadan?
She has so much energy:
Beautiful, you did Amazing.
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10 Minutes or 2 Years
She says
I wish I had praised him more at the beginning of
marriage.
Allahu Akbar, which means God is Great!
She says this when a student says the correct answer
Allahu Akbar. That was a really hard word.
I am 9 years too late in enrolling him
into marriage class.
You made my day, Umar.
Whoever learns, lives and teaches will be
Go Ibrahim, I really love your reading.
proclaimed in the kingdoms exalted.
Continue on, Ibrahim.
—The Prophet ‘Īsā (Jesus, peace be upon him)
from Shams al-Haqq al-‘Adhīmābādī , ‘Awn
I appreciate your reading.
al-Ma ‘būd Sharḥ Sunan Abī Dāwūd . DārulKutub al-‘Ilmiyyah, Beirut. 1415H.
This is the beginner's level of Quran.
Can I have some of your Mojo, please?
I wonder if I said these words to my husband
-
if he’d take it as sarcasm.
As he washes the dishes
and wipes the table, I can remark:
That’s beautiful. Amazing Yasir.
The husband cooks a meal:
Yasir, I really love it when you cook.
Please continue.
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10 Minutes or 2 Years
10 Minutes or 2 Years
Just enough to almost drip;
it didn’t drip.
My son’s toenail got pulled off on Eid*
I’ll save you the gruesome details
My grandmother was in the downstairs bathroom,
Or I won’t.
so we went upstairs to the second bathroom
of my cousin’s home.
He was behind a barstool
My husband stops and starts a conversation
when his uncle pushed his stool back
I raised my voice and said
and front again quickly,
Get him inside the bathroom.
the circular metal base grabbed his little toe along
with it
We bandaged him up.
This was 2 days ago.
scraping off his nail.
Ohh! My toe split in half!
He screamed!
Crying
He’s with my parents now.
He sleeps over some days
so I can go to the office for work.
My husband grabbed him;
we both saw blood
Enough blood
So, since I have babysitting,
I should just go straight home after work today.
to wonder if it indeed was split.
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10 Minutes or 2 Years
After all,
Don’t go! It can wait!
I had a long day,
Take advantage, my inner voice says.
and the entire point is for me to get a break.
But that 10 minutes I see him at my parents’ front steps
But a mother’s instinct is to protect,
Those sweet 10 minutes,
so I go out of my way after work,
when he smiles
and I buy him flip-flops
at the flip-flops I bought him
so his toe can heal better.
are worth it.
I know he won’t wear flip-flops much,
but I want to care.
I hope when I’m 70, and he’s 40,
I need to care.
Those 10 minutes will be precious.
And he has
So I decide to stop by my parents’ home
thousands of intentional 10 minutes with me.
and drop them anyway.
I’ll just spend 10 minutes with him.
I spend hours on future routine tasks,
Maybe it’s an unnecessary visit;
and when all is said and done
after all, I just dropped him less than 16 hours ago
are so unimportant!
and hey,
it’s free child care!
When I was a child, I remember
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those brief, intimate moments
10 Minutes or 2 Years
mare lifts up its hoofs away from its baby animal, lest it
should trample on it.
my parents gave me.
—The Prophet (peace be upon him)
Ah! They were memory and quality of life curators
but they didn’t even know it!
The Prophet said to us, “Do you think this woman would
throw her child into the fire?” We said, “No, not if she was
able to stop it.” The Prophet said, “Allah is more merciful
to His servants than this mother is to her child.”
Their natural instincts
—Sahih al-Bukhari
now fill me with love.
Parental instincts are worth more than 2 years of college
tuition
more than 2 years of work.
They are those 10 minutes of self-sacrifice
we make for our children.
*Eid al Adha are the 3 days of celebrations, of gratefulness
that Muslims make for fasting 30 days in the month of
Ramadan.
Allah divided Mercy into one hundred parts. He kept
ninety-nine parts with Him and sent down one part
to the earth, and because of that one single part, His
Creation is merciful to one another, so that even the
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Mercy
-
Mercy
My day seems to be going spectacularly
Writing
Singing
Coffee-drinking
Exercising
And a warm conference call
on serving people.
The conference call ended with well-wishes:
Please pray for my heart, the materialistic world is
real.
What a thoughtful prayer, I will pray for you, and
I pray you get all of your prayers answered in
Ramadan.
And Merry Christmas to you too, John!
(Just kidding! I was talking to another Muslim)
But you get the point!
The cheer and fear (of fasting) is in the air.
Giving clients charity through financial assistance
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Mercy
Discussing what people want.
And more.
They want the same thing as last year
Except in Ramadan.
Some clothes
In Ramadan
A book
you want less
A rug
you need less
Wow! The things I take for granted
In Ramadan,
as a middle-class citizen!
you desire more of Him:
But do I truly feel blessed to help?
of Ar-Rahman
Or is it my ego,
and Ar-Raheem
Telling me it feels good?
2 of God’s names
I guess they go hand in hand, don’t they?
Together they show
It feels good to serve
the epitome of God’s Mercy.
It feels good to have mercy.
On mercy:
If you focus on just what you want
Don’t seek it from people
and what you need,
seek it from The Creator
You’ll want more
He is The Permanently Merciful
And more
The Extremely Merciful
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A Bit on Kareem Abdul-Jabbar,
Know that everything starts
A Bit on Kareem Abdul-Jabbar,
A Disney’s Aladdin Tangent, And
with the Mercy of God.
Verily Allah created Mercy. The day He created it, He
made it into 100 parts. He kept 99 parts of mercy to show
to His servants on the Day of Resurrection, and sent 1
down to all his creatures.
—Riyad as-Salihin 420
I heard the Messenger of God (Allah) say: Allah
the Almighty said: Oh son of Adam, so long as
you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you
for what you have done, and I shall not mind.
Oh son of Adam, were your sins to reach the
clouds of the sky and were you then to ask
forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you.
Oh son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly
as great as the earth and were you then to face Me,
ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness
nearly as great as it.
—Hadith 34, 40 Hadith Qudsi
-
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A Disney’s Aladdin Tangent, And How Generosity Rules the World.
How Generosity Rules the World.
Anyhow, I digress.
Allah is Kareem,
Have you heard of Aladdin, the Disney Movie?
and He loves those who are Kareem
What does Aladdin mean?
This beautifully translates to
It means The nobility of faith or Deen (Din)
God is Generous
Deen is faith, and the faith is Islam.
and he loves those who are generous.
I digressed again!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar,
(It’s so much fun!)
the basketball player,
Now back to Ramadan and generosity…
is named after God’s attribute.
Ramadan is all about being Kareem, or being
generous.
His name means
Servant of the Most Generous.
But not a servant who is a slave.
Oh no!
He is a servant that wants to obey God;
He is never forced into slavery.
And rather, wants to listen to his Master
wholeheartedly.
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It’s a month to worship God and God alone.
It’s to put all of yourself into your worship
by using your time to reflect.
After all, He gave you life,
food,
parents,
Great Adventure,
Disney World,
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A Disney’s Aladdin Tangent, And How Generosity Rules the World.
people,
And God, Allah multiplies it for us,
connection,
and we will gain more blessings,
beaches,
because Allah is Generous,
mountains,
and He also likes those who exemplify generosity.
waves,
For nonprofits, like where I work,
blue skies
This is where we get a large percentage of our charity.
and
The best part for me, though,
hardship to make you strong.
is that I can see that God Loves being generous
He is Kareem.
and you know this
He is the Most Generous.
because you feel it.
In Ramadan, just for a month,
And so the one who is generous,
We turn back to Him.
actually gains so much more
In Ramadan,
than what s/he spends because
any small action
not only will God return
is considered to be even more rewarding,
what you have spent on others,
and so small good deeds
He will also increase it.
become larger in the eyes of God.
I can testify to this.
That is why people donate most of their charity this
month.
I will get a gift worth more than I gave.
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A Disney’s Aladdin Tangent, And How Generosity Rules the World.
I will find money
—Quran 2:274
that I didn’t know I even had.
This is far more precious
-
then the money that I spent.
If you believe, then you know that
generosity rules the world.
Who is it that would loan Allah a goodly loan so He may
multiply it for him many times over? And it is Allah who
withholds and grants abundance, and to Him you will be
returned.
—Quran, 2: 245
Charity never decreases wealth. Rather, it increases it, it
increases it, it increases it.
—The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him)
You shall never attain righteousness unless you spend
from what you love. Whatsoever you spend, Allah is fully
aware of it.
—Surah Aal-Imraan Ayat 92
Those who in charity spend of their goods by night and
by day, in secret and in public, have their reward with
their Lord: on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve.
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Warm Calls
Warm Calls
You never met them.
When I do call,
Today I had an aha moment
You know, AHA moments such as these:
When you realize that mayonnaise + ketchup + red chili
I don’t want to interrupt them.
Excuse me, do you have a minute?
sauce is the best french fry dip
So I can sell you something?
(also try BBQ and ketchup)
My response to a cold call:
When you finally realize an arrogant human you cross paths
No! I do not have a minute for you to market
something.
with is dealing with a mental issue
When you realize someone who is rude to you, actually has
cancer and the pills make him antsy
I am cooking dinner, my toddler is crying, and I have
to go to the bathroom.
When you finally “get” sushi
Cold calling is bad.
Well, a few years ago, I had a moment like this when
calling people up whom I don’t know.
I often have to talk to strangers at my job. It’s also
known as a cold call.
For me, it’s someone who has not given a charitable
donation yet,
so you personally don’t know them.
196
It’s a nuisance.
People don’t pick up anymore
Unless they know your name and your number.
I’m going to reframe this idea of cold calls.
I am going to call it warm calls.
What does that even mean, warm calls?
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Purposefully Annoyed
Warm Calls
It means to warm people’s hearts.
I sincerely really want to only talk to people
Send love & appreciation over the phone.
who want to talk to me.
Give them attention.
If I sincerely call you just to say thank you,
Listen to what they are saying,
then it’s no longer cold calling,
appreciate them.
it’s a warm call.
I apply the same rule
Imagine if someone randomly calls you
When I call a volunteer
out of the blue.
When I call a job applicant telling him
Someone you helped 2 years ago,
He didn't get the job.
and they call you just to say:
And I need to do the same
Hey I know you are super busy
For my parents as well,
but I just wanted to say thank you for helping.
who call me very often.
I know you donated to our refugee services during the
Syrian refugee crisis
Thank you, John, for doing that.
And that’s it.
Be kind, for whenever kindness becomes a part
of something, it beautifies it. Whenever it is
Say nothing else.
Hang up.
After all,
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Purposefully Annoyed
taken from something, it leaves it tarnished.
—Prophet Muhamad (SAW) Sahih Muslim
Thirsty
Thirsty
What good did you do today?
Did you fly away
-
into another ego-filled galaxy?
Or did you
feel the universe
through the love for your child?
Did you lift your sails
while lifting someone else up?
Did you aid in the fall of the Berlin Wall?
Or support the end of the Apartheid?
Did you free a slave?
Clear the conscious of a nation?
Did you liberate a prostitute from dejection?
What did you do today?
We have so many pious predecessors
who broke their backs
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Thirsty
Scholars who were whipped and tortured
Willingly
for going against the status quo.
serve others through your time
What did you do today?
Feed people
Did you worship the creation?
Feel people
Or the Creator?
Be fond of your family
Did you drink your coffee?
Even if it hurts a little.
Did you comfort someone?
Help your mother
Or just watch TV?
Erase your mistakes
Did you build something great?
by doing more good deeds
Maybe your self-esteem?
Do something beneficial for humanity today
Yes, I want you to feel the stake of sacrifice
in your heart.
Malcolm X
Imam Omar Suleiman
Don’t ever remove it.
arrested and some even reformed their lives.
Then know everything you do
They did something too one day
should be for a higher calling.
And I hope you will too.
Stop comparing your good deeds
Choose your power
to what others did.
then work hard to solve the world’s problems.
Humbly
And just remember,
and
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Thirsty
if your neighbor is lonely
You are the Lord of the Worlds?”
because you never noticed
“Did you not know that one of My servants was
sick and you didn’t visit him? If you had visited
you may have taken their rights away.
You may one day realize
him you would have found Me there.”
Then Allah will say, “Son of Adam, I needed food but you
did not feed Me.”
Your neighbor needed you the most anyway…
“My Lord, How could I feed You when
You are the Lord of the Worlds?”
Make sure your community
“Did you not know that one of My servants was
knows your presence
hungry but you did not feed him? If you had fed
because
him you would have found its reward with Me.”
Charity begins at home
“Son of Adam, I was thirsty, but you did not give Me
Charity begins with you.
“My Lord, How could I give a drink when
something to drink.”
You are the Lord of the Worlds?”
“Did you not know that one of My servants was thirsty
but you did not give him a drink? If you had given him
a drink, you would have found its reward with Me.”
The Messenger of God, peace and blessings be upon him,
said, “Gabriel kept advising me to be good to neighbors
—Al-Bukhari
until I thought he would make them my heirs.
—Abu Hurairah
Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported
that the Messenger of Allah said:
Allah will say on the Day of Judgment, “Son of Adam, I
was sick but you did not visit Me.”
-
“My Lord, How could I visit You when
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Thirsty
Pen
in
Mouth
When I am angry, I keep my pen away,
said a famous Pakistani Writer
What about keeping your mouth away?
Today, I am deeply irritated at my husband:
Can’t you see I’m working?
Me: What? You’re on the phone.
No look! I’m not talking to my friends, I am working.
He then proceeds to show me his screen.
I feel angry that he raised his voice a tad bit
I felt a sting,
a little hurt.
I am thinking,
Where is this coming from?
With a splash of:
So that’s what it feels like when I raise my voice at
him…
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Purposefully Annoyed
Thirsty
It’s a combination platter of thoughts:
said by a co-worker.
He translated the quote from Urdu into English.
But instead of slowing down and understanding my
thoughts,
A famous spiritual writer said:
I answer back:
When I am angry, I keep my pen away.
Well, look at how many times you have distracted me!
Which made me think:
He answers:
So, when I am angry, do I keep my mouth away?
No, I don’t do that! You’re acting like a 10-year-old
child!
Fight diverted
My ego’s tamed.
He shows me his phone:
I won.
I am working! I am not fooling around.
And I don’t usually win.
Me: Hold up… when was I fooling around?
And then I knew, in my anger, we both won’t win
I need to shut my mouth,
A moment of patience at the time of anger saves one
from years of regret and sorrow.
and lie low.
—well-known saying from Dr. Gohar Mushtaq,
The Intelligent Heart, The Pure Heart
We are both bombs waiting to be detonated,
because each of our individual stories contain anger.
One wrong step and we will explode,
When your companion becomes angry and says
something that is unwarranted, you should not take
it too hard. His situation is that of a drunken person
who is not aware of what is taking place. Instead, be
patient, even if it means only for a little while. If you
even implode.
reciprocate his words with harsh words of your own,
Then I remembered the quote
you become like the sane person who seeks revenge
on a madman, or the conscious person who seeks
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A New Friend
retribution from an unconscious one. Look at him
with a merciful eye and pity him for his actions.
Tonight I was also with a new good friend,
—Ibn al-Jawzī [d. 597H/1201CE]
Hilana.
-
A New Friend
Her daughter, Zayna
had the giggles for me
when I pushed my lips together
and I blew hard,
making bubble sounds.
I not only made her smile,
but I made her eyes twinkle:
This lady is weird
This lady is cool
This lady is magical
Zayna thought.
I met Zayna’s mom through my son’s playdate with
her son Rayyan
Little Zayna loves my 7-year-old son,
but she puts her head down
when she sees me
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A New Friend
out of shyness.
opened up today.
Oh, I don’t know you.
Let me put my little 1.5-year-old head down.
But oh, I digress
You see,
She has gotten used to my 7-year-old son,
I see baby Zayna hand me a wooden block.
It was animal shaped.
but not of me.
Then she goes back,
bends down her diapered behind,
He gives her attention
and keeps handing me a block.
Maybe it was 60 seconds.
No more, no less.
You know when kids see you are on your phone,
and that is the moment they decide,
He taught her how to jump
you are their
best friend.
and she is forever grateful.
Wow, I can jump.
This boy taught me to jump.
I like this jumping boy.
I guess I won’t be writing now,
I thought.
As she gave me a wooden block, I sat it on the pillow
to the right of me.
She watched me.
But today
She was ready to bloom
And so she proceeded to copy me.
So on to me she did.
So instead of handing me the block,
She put it on the pillow herself.
She opened up to me
as her new friend.
She’s not the only one who
212
As she placed a block
and it landed on the pillow,
I pursed and pushed my lips together
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Purposefully Annoyed
A New Friend
so the sound reverberated,
-
and we were present.
And I became her new best friend.
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Purposefully Annoyed
And We Are Friends
And We Are Friends
Being Generous
Aatika, who always give more and more and more…
Today I spent time
with a good friend.
I don’t want to show off
but I’m feeling a bit grateful, because
I am reflecting on what I’ve learned
under the tutelage of my dosts, my friends
You see, of all the people I’ve met,
Good tastes in cupcakes
Hira, who married my cousin and with whom I get
along exceptionally well, introduced me to the best
store-bought cupcakes I’ve eaten.
Becoming a FireWalker (UPW)
Amaney, Abimbola, Khulud, Khadija, Aamanay, and
specifically Amaney invited me to walk on hot coals
via Tony Robbins. And I would do it again!
Becoming Spiritual
Sadiya. My dear college buddy/dear friend invited me
to my first cool Islamic study circle.
My friends have made me who I am today.
Or, they have made me strive to become like them
in their likes, loves, and good habits, such as these:
Loving sushi
My best friend in high school, Vanessa, introduced me
to this.
Good manners and charisma
My good friend Fatima has shared herself this way.
I could go on and on
about what I have learned from family as well as friends,
but I won’t because my friends named Margo and Denise
taught me how to go to bed early,
and become an early riser.
Being blunt and reading lots of books
My good friend Fatima #2 has led book clubs and is
honest.
(Fatima is a very common Pakistani name)
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My Colombian Friend
My Colombian Friend
Dear Coffee,
I am sorry to see you depart.
PA RT S I X
Growing
Pains
I love you so much.
When I am down,
and my eyes are tied down,
you are piping hot
and ready to awaken me.
I fly away as soon as you let my mind loose
and at that first sip,
I am fully aware
I have an utter desire to consume you
to breathe in your bean soul,
to grind you
and so I will.
My Columbian friend,
I rely on you so much.
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My Colombian Friend
You have no idea.
and it’s not even Ramadan yet!
But yet, your nutritional value to a faster
So I need to drink more water, not you, coffee.
is zilch.
I am not breaking up with you.
I just need space.
So in Ramadan,
So I need to un-addict myself to you,
Things might change.
to this rush you give me.
Coffee dehydrates me.
I tell you what, I will still have you,
You don’t need me to feel intensely thirsty all day,
but I’ll have to adjust the times;
do you, coffee?
we’ll agree to a compromise.
So sometime this week,
You see, coffee, there are many types of rushes.
I’ll go buy some decaf Jamaican me Crazy vanillaflavored coffee beans,
When I fast, that 60 minutes,
and slowly slip you into my caffeinated blend.
I’m going to wean you out,
my friend.
Don’t worry, I might re-caffeinate once I open my fast,
but it’ll be at a 25% level.
You see, I already don’t drink enough water.
that hour before I break my fast
is so good.
I wouldn’t trade it for a single thing.
It’s magical.
It’s a daily high.
A daily accomplishment.
I did it! I fasted for my Lord.
I’ve been waking up to leg cramps
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My Colombian Friend
This is a pure relationship,
every day.
because I only did it for you, my Rabb (Lord),
Just so you can do your vocation well.
My Creator
(it’s not a job or career)
My Sustainer
You might think it’s my OCD.
My Nourisher
But no, it’s because I want to take care of everything
you wear.
I also fast for me.
And I also want to thank you for helping me this
morning,
Because the feeling of a soul purified
in writing this story.
is something I cannot exchange
For pushing me to talk to my son,
for a million dollars.
and spend time with him.
It is priceless.
But in Ramadan, I will let him do a bit more of
whatever he wants
My Lord does not need me to fast.
I need to fast for myself.
So I can nap.
And complete my spiritual marathon.
So coffee,
you know I care.
I always clean the reusable filter basket
and all the coffee machine parts
I am scared, coffee,
because addictions are like that,
uncomfortable to stop
and I need you.
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Cradle
So I’ll have you in moderation.
Cradle
God says: Oh you who have believed, fasting has been
As I reminisce
decreed upon you as it was decreed upon those before
you that you may become righteous
about my childhood
—Surat Al-Baqarah 2:185
all I recall is playing.
Generosity, Sincerity, Sound Heart
No one who reached the heights did so through a great
deal of fasting and prayer, rather through generosity of
the soul, soundness of heart, and sincerity to the nation.
—al-Fuḍayl b. ‘Iyāḍ
Playing with my Barbie dolls
and later on,
playing Monopoly with my cheating cousins.
We would laugh so hard.
…But to fast is best for you, if you only knew.
Oh to be the Banker again
—Surat Al-Baqarah 2:184
and feel the same,
“Heyyy you’re cheating, Sheba!” giggles!
I remember the flat-out lies we told… to win the game!
-
Oh I wish I could be playing again in my khala’s home,
my aunt’s basement again.
I remember going to a good school
and having a sweet Spanish babysitter
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Cradle
who watched me as my mom worked.
I write to remember
Remember all the good he did
I remember the pool in our apartment complex in Brooklyn
for his one and only daughter
My father teaching me how to swim.
He also had to struggle a bit
Me almost thinking that I’m drowning ok
as most immigrants do.
when I missed holding the ledge.
I remember my father taking us on road trips to Canada
I had to struggle a bit
and the Poconos.
with my identity
I remember wishing I had a brother or sister
Catholic school was forgiving from pre-K to 2nd grade
so I could have these shared experiences with them.
But all it takes
I remember my father driving an hour from Brooklyn, NY,
is one miscalculating teacher
to Bayonne Park, NJ,
to plummet your self-esteem.
only to find out it was closed already.
She would give out points
I remember a family vacation to Florida.
if the children tattletaled on each other
He tried to fish,
Oh! How I tried to earn points.
and a police officer stopped him,
I was a new kid in a new school,
as he had no fishing license.
I wanted my No Homework Pass too.
Worms and pole have disappeared now…
I wanted to get a free 15-minute period to read and walk to
the water fountain.
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Cradle
But I didn’t want to tell on other students.
If only they knew that
One day, she put me in charge of policing the kids.
“I am Pakistani, not Indian.”
What a dilemma for a 9-year-old.
Then maybe I’d fare better.
And I was the only brown kid.
Now I know we are one and the same.
That private school was horrible!
And now, we know who steals the show, the spotlight:
I transferred to another Catholic school.
The Samosas
It got slightly better.
The Biryani
I hung out with the Christian Indian (only one),
Egyptians, and Coptics.
The Chai and the Dosa
The not so cool, colored crowd. I was the only Muslim.
They were so sincere.
And the successful people:
The South Asians… mainly India.
But this was to come a decade+ later.
I can’t say that for everyone else.
Then again, we were 5th to 8th graders
who entered the Catholic school popularity contest.
You see, it was included in the tuition.
—————
At that time, the TV show The Simpsons was in.
The show didn’t exactly help South Asians.
Back in the day,
My biggest worry was fitting in
and being independent.
As I got older,
Taking the #10 bus to Newport Mall
in downtown Jersey City
And so Indians were made fun of.
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Cradle
was a huge accomplishment.
Combine Knowledge & Action, Even If Little
Do not feel satisfied with action, while being
I felt so grown-up.
desolate of knowledge and do not feel satisfied
with knowledge, whilst being heedless of actions.
Ha!
Rather, combine the two, even if your share of
either may be meager. A little of this, with a little
I still don’t feel fully grown.
of that is safer in the outcome, if God bestows his
Mercy, and completes His favor upon His slave…
I still feel like I need to prove something.
—Al-Khateeb al-Baghdadi po
I guess we’re not supposed to ever grow too
comfortable with ourselves.
But the reasoning is clear.
We’re supposed to “seek knowledge from the cradle
to the grave.”
Knowledge of Yourself
There are some people who were deceived by the
shelter of Allah (God) and infatuated by the good praise
of others. Therefore, do not let the ignorance of others
about you overcome your own knowledge of yourself.
—Khalid bin Safwan’s advice to ‘Umar b. ‘Abd al-‘Azīz
Indication of Beneficial Knowledge
He whose knowledge doesn’t cause him to
weep, can be justifiably considered not to
have been granted beneficial knowledge.
—Virtuous saying
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-
The Gym
The Gym
There are 5 people at the gym
One is running a marathon
I can’t look her in the eye
as I begin my stationary bike workout
There’s another guy
Grunting
Really hard
Multiple times
With every grunt,
I pedal faster.
He’s scaring me
He must be upset at my 117-calorie burn
after 22 minutes of pedaling.
You won’t be hearing grunting sounds from me.
The gym at 9 p.m. is interesting
You hear rope-skipping upstairs.
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Forward
Sanitary spraying downstairs
As I cool off
Tight muscles squeezing Poland Spring bottles
Or decide to have a light walk or bike ride
Making crunching sounds.
Dear Marathon Runner & Body Builder
I take my glasses off
So I want you to know
So I don’t have to make eye contact
I did it for you two
I’m blind as a bat without them
I rode the stationary bike for your sake
You see, after the Big E on the eye chart,
This is my fat kindness.
I can’t see a thing!
That you’ll never know.
Unless you buy my book
I wanted to use the step master
But then I’d be side by side
And read it.
-
With the grunter
Weightlifter
And the marathon runner
The gym is where I sometimes write
And proofread
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Forward
Forward
I told you I’m not moving until a time traveler comes
and takes me
back to my journal entry!
Or I will wait until 2025,
whines my soon-to-be 8-year-old son.
I woke up at 7:30 a.m.
I was happy thinking I’d get an hour of silence before
my son got up.
Apparently, that wasn’t going to happen.
I woke up,
opened the door
and I didn’t see him.
But I heard him.
Noooo NO NO!
and a laptop is slammed shut angrily.
It got deleted!
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Forward
My journal entry got deleted!
Umar: I am not moving until 2025, Mom!
I wrote 16 whole sentences.
Or until a time machine brings me back to my journal
entry.
I am not doing it again!
He hits his laptop hard with his hand.
So I decide to go brush my teeth.
This 7-year-old really knows how to push my buttons
Then I come back, and I sit down to write what I think
he’d write.
“UMAR!!!
The question this 2nd grader has to answer is:
Do not break your laptop!
If there were no TV, what would you do to pass time?
I will cancel your Birthday Party” (parent’s 1st mistake)
He hears me typing.
I rush to him and hug and hold him.
I ask him again:
Angry tears pour down.
Umar, what would you do again?
It’s OK, I will write it for you.
Mom, I am not going to tell you again, I know you’re
going to type it out.
“No you won’t.”
I want to go back in time.
I will not move.
I will stand here at the corner of my desk until I get a
time traveling machine to put me back in time so my
journal is back.
Lord, it’s 7:35 a.m.
Umar, let’s go brush our teeth, I say
Then a miracle.
All of a sudden he says:
“Oh, I remember my journal!”
Me: Alhamdulilah Alhamdulilah
Praise be to God, thank God,
I said it too soon.
The crisis begins again.
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Forward
He couldn’t remember the order of what he wrote…
and start again.
More frustration by him…
Like my 7-year-old,
He eventually calms down 20 minutes later.
I wanted a time machine.
But we can’t.
Then it dawns on me
That’s not life.
This is me
He was a different person
I get stuck on how things used to be.
we both were.
And I push back
Our marriage was different 8 years ago.
Just like my son did,
Wishing to go back in time
My son ended up starting anew
And refusing to move forward,
And so must I.
take a new start.
Because we can’t go back in time.
Instead it’s time
I felt unappreciated
for a new romance.
when he stopped writing me poetry
It’s time to proclaim new ways of expressing our love
when he stopped buying me gifts
in a much deeper and more meaningful way.
when he stopped emailing me sweet words.
By being present.
I refused to move forward
Because again,
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Forward
I really needed this reminder from my son.
—Cat Stevens
That there is no time machine
for relationships.
There is only going forward.
-
And whoever puts all his trust in Allah (God), He will be
enough for him.
—Surah At-Talaq 65:1-3
When many astronauts go to space, they see the
insignificant size of the earth and vastness of space, and
they become very religious, because they have seen the
Signs of God (Allah).
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Desis at West Elm
Desis at West Elm
day.
And it still looked spotless,
One of the first expensive items I ever bought was at
West Elm.
its color was dark chocolate brown, what did you
expect?
If you asked me about West Elm 7 years ago,
If you don’t count the candle wax spill and pencil
inflicted hole, it might have sold.
I might have remarked judgmentally:
Only rich folk got money for that!
I’m good with Bob’s and Ashley Furniture, thank you!
I no longer think this way.
I rebelled against my own former self.
You know when you think you’d never do something,
Oh, I scoffed at West Elm
The price
The image (for fancy upper class people)
But there came a day when I considered it.
When I needed it.
Then there came a time when “affordable and safe”
was a hindrance to my growth.
and years later, you do it?
My West Elm purchase was one of those.
And so I went to bougie West Elm in Hoboken
You see, my former self lived in an overly “saving desi
place”
I made an appointment for a design consultation.
I thought to my Desi (Pakistani/South Asian) self:
Yes, my Bob’s furniture was “high quality,” affordable,
and safe,
Hey, I’ll get free advice, then do my own thing cheaper.
and, most importantly, a steal!
Boy was I wrong!
My son bounced on the sofas for 6 years—almost every
I fell in love with every piece.
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Desis at West Elm
And every piece was expensive.
but for multiple emergencies,
I mixed and matched, took swatch samples.
and multiple rainy days
I even went to the West Elm Outlet in Long Island. It
was a 1.5-hour drive, but hey, you do what you gotta do.
If you can easily afford West Elm furniture, please raise
your hand.
Now put your hand down because this is the
perspective for someone the
opposite of you, yet, so much like you.
This post is for those
who want West Elm
but can’t afford it.
You see,
again,
middle class desis,
some of us save and save
and save.
Just in case something happens.
for funerals
for a college education
for Hajj
for cancer treatment
for a time of job loss
for an education for cousins overseas
for paying the rent for someone poor in Pakistan
or India
and also for the sake of saving
for the sake of being a desi
This is how I was raised
Save Save Save
Live a low cost life
unless it’s your wedding day.
Not just for an emergency,
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Desis at West Elm
Then go ALL IN
It felt so good
Ah! The irony!
to shop like a desi person, at a fancy place.
But at age 38, it was stifling me
But who’s comparing?
Why do I need to suffer mentally and save?
So this was 3 months ago
Who is happy with my suffering, I mean saving?
Then I won again.
“bardash” runs through my mind
My husband called me:
bardash means to “suck it up,” to sacrifice.
We have a $50 coupon that expires tomorrow
But COVID made me realize
go buy something from West Elm!
life is short.
I was like, “What woo-hoo, lottery!
It may not have just been COVID.
Let me punch out for work and get going.”
It was also due to 10+ years
And I couldn’t afford a darn thing—for free.
of not taking too many risks.
So I ended up buying a $38 face wash—with shipping
it came out to $49.50
So we bought our first West Elm furniture
We spent money.
We were excited.
Then another desi dreams come true: coupons by
West Elm.
Coupons!
So I am still Desi, and still a Proud West Elm Shopper
It’s the coupons, I tell you
(There’s also resale value but that’s not the point.)
-
We got $300 of free credit
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I Like My Eggs Runny.
Today I was in such a great mood at work
because I didn’t go into the office for close to 2 weeks;
it felt good to drive.
It felt good to interact with human beings face-to-face,
N95 and
surgical masks on, of course.
It even felt better when someone offered more free
food: Flamin Kabob
A new restaurant
Chicken, gyro, and kebab!
Yes! This is a great day.
Too bad the kebab was almost done
But it’s ok!
This is a great day!
I’m chit-chatting with some random interns
I Like My Eggs Runny.
I joke about how they all deserve free food if they are
stuffing envelopes all day.
After all, one must gracefully accept free food by
making small talk.
You know, pretend to be part of “the team” for a few
minutes.
Put yourselves in their shoes.
Even though you’re in your shoes.
(You know you’re doing it because
you never know when the next new human
interaction will be,
and also for the free food.)
(They know it
and you know it.)
“Bond” while you pack your food for two.
Be cool, be gracious.
Be extra.
In their shoes:
who are stuffing envelopes.
I ask them why they ordered so much—was there a
birthday, a celebration, or goodbye lunch?
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I Like My Eggs Runny.
I asked them: So do you eat from here often? Is it any
good?
Hmm, what could that be?
In my shoes:
I didn’t use a yellow highlighter today.
I take it off and see
Who cares! It’s free food! I don’t have to cook! Woohoo!
They answer, yes, they ordered from here often; it
wasn’t bad.
And they only ordered for them 4.
I tell them: “Wow, so much food for only you 4.”
there’s a huge dried spot of egg yolk on my mask!
Gross!
I ate in a rush, mask down below.
(I like my eggs runny.)
It must have dripped.
In my shoes:
Oh dang, they finished the white sauce
I talked to about 8 people and there was egg yolk on
my mask!
Must tell husband to buy white sauce —
How gross for both me
without it, it’s not platter
and you.
it’s not gyro.
They probably thought I was a dirty person who never
changed my mask!
In order to correct the situation,
I was feeling great after my mask-to-mask (face-toface) discussions.
I went downstairs to leave, and bumped into some
more volunteers and staff.
I made a big deal out of it,
speaking out loud:
Oh wow! My mask is dirty! Let me go change it!
Then I noticed something yellow on my mask.
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Never Be Disappointed At The Universe
(I wanted everyone to know that I was aware of the
dirty mask.)
Never Be Disappointed At The
So I got another mask from my car and proceeded to
remove my pins and put it on.
(I made sure I did it in front of a few witnesses.)
As I drove away, I noticed this new mask smelled
funny; it had been in my glove department
for a few months.
(At least they didn’t smell it.)
Lesson: behind every rainbow, there’s someone like
me
with egg yolk on their mask.
(I wanted to sincerely acknowledge that this probably
won’t go in my book.)
-
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Never Be Disappointed At The Universe
Universe
Is this from our effort alone?
Our Creator, Our Sustainer, Our Nourisher and Advancer
No!
“We have indeed created man in the best of molds.”
Has blessed us with a gift
of bouncing back
We receive reminders
from dependence
to only rely on Him.
on creation
These reminders come
to remembrance of Him.
when they are most needed
When He finished creating the Heavens and the Earth,
and at times
He said:
when they are least expected.
“My mercy has triumphed over My anger.”
If we allow Him,
then He reminds us
He gives me strength
that He handed us
that no one can give.
every single one of our blessings!
He gives me insight
that no one can see.
And when we go down the rabbit hole
He grants us intellect
and get off track
to produce alluring things.
and things
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Never Be Disappointed At The Universe
make us spin
We are at His Mercy.
make us sweat
make us tear
We just forget sometimes.
make us feel removed
So never be disappointed at the Universe,
as you and I are in it;
and make us cry
well,
He created us for a purpose.
this makes us human,
I have created Man and Jinn only to worship me.
And He reminds us
—The Quran, Chapter Ad Dhariyat:
The Winds That Disperse
to rely only on Him.
And He wants us to feel that need
-
to rely on Him.
and Him alone.
Ask Him
to put that seed of certainty
back into our hearts.
After all,
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Near
Near
I don’t like quiet people
I think I am somewhat addicted to people.
I need communication.
Well, addicted to their words
But not from a loud, screaming 7-year-old.
who are quiet all day long.
and what they teach me.
But not when I am busy,
I need nice communication
or when I need to relax.
you know by nice, I mean perfume-y words
and funny words.
But when I need a distraction,
when I need encouragement,
I need words that engage
when I need friendship,
amuse
then I need an intervention
enlighten
but then people will intercede
caress my brain
and that defeats the purpose.
make me go
Because I would love to talk to the people
I am sorry God
who intercede
Or make me go
and so it would be pointless.
No you did just not say that
Words that are kind
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gentle
Near
or you may purchase something from him, or you may
benefit from his sweet smell. And as for a blacksmith, he
soothing
may either burn your clothes, or you may be exposed to
his awful smell.”
—Bukhari
So No!
Don’t backbite
-
or say something impolite.
If I ever say something bad,
I want you to correct me;
by all means, call me out on it!
PA RT SE V E N
Anything that talks,
Stupid
Meeting
that communicates,
that used their heart and mind
that shows love
are the ones I want to be near.
Prophet Muhammad pbuh said, “The likeness of a
righteous friend and an evil friend is the likeness of
a (musk) perfume seller and a blacksmith. As for the
perfume seller, he may either bestow something on you,
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Burning
Burning
It’s a perfect day to burn my vegan bacon
This bacon set off my alarm.
Well, it could have
and I feared being late to work.
It is an hour drive to work.
My vegan bacon is stuck to the roof of my air fryer,
and I have a 10:30 a.m.SWOT meeting.
Minutes before the vegan bacon fiasco
I was asked what my strategy was.
It was:
Saying no to good, in order to say yes to “do better.”
But really, what is my strategy?
I am just trying “to be good” here,
which I thought was a strategy.
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Burning
taking the short way.
But I was wrong.
I run, open the back door,
And so, since I was wrong,
and place the bottom half of the air fryer
I quickly google strategies for writing/shipping on my
iPhone
outside on our balcony.
I’m scrolling up and down until I smell something
funny.
I am feeling overwhelmed.
Oh no, my vegan bacon flew up.
This guy wants to hold me accountable for what my
strategy is.
It flew up onto the heat source of my air fryer!
I'm in emergency mode now.
Does he know his timing is off, I mean my timing in
trying to reply on time is off?
I see what I have written down so far.
Smoke. Black vegan pre-ash.
I know deep down inside that
I run quickly.
what I wrote is not the answer.
I open both doors before the nauseating fire alarm
goes off.
It’s not good enough.
My strategy right now is to be a good new neighbor
and not to turn the smoke alarm on.
I expect to do something magical
with no strategy.
No real strategy, that is.
I have to go to work
I think to myself: Well, I’m paying the tolls today and
Unless you count asking a published friend how she
published her book
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Flour & Dreams
and asking people to read what I wrote and getting
feedback.
Flour & Dreams
For now, I’m going to take it day by day and figure out
what my strategy is
because right now,
I usually write at night,
but today, I feel heavy.
it’s too early for me to answer that
So I write in the morning,
8 minutes before my work meeting.
without feeling extremely overwhelmed
Do you know what a heavy dream is?
and uncomfortable.
It’s the one not heavy in content
Right now my strategy is to make a strategy
but rather,
that I am comfortable with,
and I need your help, oh creatives!
At least I didn't burn my strategy; I never had one.
it’s heavy in the way it makes you feel.
Well, today’s dream was of a work meeting that began at 5
a.m.
The meeting kept going for 3 to 4 hours.
I was incredibly sleepy in my dream,
-
trying to stay up for a meeting
that would never end.
A new co-worker (one whom I never met, and does not exist
beyond this dream)
was talking to my husband while I was working.
I did not like this dream.
I forbade my husband to work with her.
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Flour & Dreams
Anyone but her
I still don’t understand,
As work ends, my husband comes in on a speed boat;
so I tell my husband to just go get any coffee,
we’re now on vacation.
and then we will enjoy the boat ride.
The boat is pretty cool,
I wait for half an hour,
but all I wanted was coffee.
and my husband comes back
Imagine feeling sleepy
with a cup of water.
and being put on a speed boat.
I was really disappointed
We ended up slowing down
How can I have fun on our vacation
and the boat entered someone’s home
when all I want is coffee?
there was water in the home,
(it’s a dream)
I see a light argument brewing over this water/coffee
situation.
and we found the residents.
And then
I asked them
I wake up
Where can I get good coffee?
feeling the feelings
The funny thing is, we couldn’t understand the words
I felt in my dream:
coming out of her mouth.
disappointed
“There’s good coffee at Muajhghkj”
and tired
My coffee was already brewing,
Where? I say
“It’s at Muaaaakdfkj”
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set for 8 a.m.
I am on my 1st cup and
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Purposefully Annoyed
Cloaked in Shukr (Gratefulness)
alert,
Cloaked in Shukr (Gratefulness)
yet still feeling the aftermath of my dream.
I got through my 1st 10 a.m. work meeting.
Today, I was driving.
I feel like dough,
the type that sticks to the sides of the bowl
because you added too much water,
the water being my dreams
unmalleable.
But writing is my flour, and
editing is my elasticity.
-
I paid the Turnpike Toll of $5.85;
in rush hour the toll is $8.56+
I was grateful.
I blasted the song “Tajdar-e-Haram.”
I got a bit carried away and drove 78 mph
instead of 70;
my foot released as the song released
and I noticed someone tailgating me.
I have extra special reactions to tailgaters.
Guess what it is.
I drive slower.
Because the audacity to risk
both our lives
is disturbing.
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Cloaked in Shukr (Gratefulness)
And therefore,
it deserves an immediate penalty.
As he cut me off,
Today at my work,
he should have known that
We were forced by higher-ups
I could have hit him
to plan a virtual event
or he could’ve hit me,
that no team wanted to do.
but he didn’t.
And on top of that,
we were working with another organization.
And I was grateful.
And the new org well,
they weren’t easy to work with;
Waze told me
“Police reported ahead”
they were not taking feedback and
they insisted on their opinion
but it was too late.
and made most of us
The Patrol pulled over 2 cars.
feel dismissed and upset.
2 cops
But today
2 cars
that organization
I was not one of them.
stepped away
I was grateful.
and so, we had a very productive meeting.
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Cloaked in Shukr (Gratefulness)
I was grateful.
I was grateful.
My husband came home from work
On my way back home,
And offered to cook rice.
I took a new route
I told him I’d do it.
to avoid traffic.
I was grateful. Today, so many things could have gone
wrong:
It took 10 more minutes to get home
I could have accrued a high toll rate.
yet I was also able to bypass
The guy driving could have cursed me out,
bumper to bumper traffic.
I was grateful
and he could have totaled my car.
The cops could have given me a speeding ticket.
Our new event lead
When I got home
could have decided to stay on as lead,
I had to pray
ruining another meeting.
and meet a new friend.
My commute back home could have been bumper to
We chatted and connected
but had to hang up.
The call ended at a perfect time.
bumper, and so I would’ve missed video conferencing my
friend
which meant this piece would not have been created.
So I’m grateful.
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-
If I count how many things could have gone wrong today,
then I would realize how rich today really was.
PA RT E IGH T
Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner
of your life.
—Rumi
What secures them [Blessings] is gratitude (Shukr),
based on three supports: inward recognition of
the blessing; outward mention and thanks for it;
and its use in a way that pleases the One to whom
it truly belongs and who truly bestows it.
Parental
Discretion is
Advised
—Ibn al-Qayyim [d. 751H/1350CE]
-
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Shaking & “7 Wisdoms of pain
and suffering”
Shaking & “7 Wisdoms of pain and suffering”
15 minutes before I wrote this,
I was shaking
I called my mom to see how she was doing. She was in
the hospital due to a major surgery.
And due to COVID-mandated restrictions, I cannot see
her.
I cannot hug her.
She can’t even dial her cell phone number yet.
When I called, I found out she was moved to a new
unit.
And she said she was not doing good.
She did not urinate all day.
And was in a lot of pain.
“Umber, there is only one nurse here and her assistant
for the entire floor.
I am in pain,
I cannot go to the bathroom.”
I tell her they will put the catheter back in and not to
worry.
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Shaking & “7 Wisdoms of pain and suffering”
But I, her daughter, am not there; I am alone.
OK. Can you give me her room number?
She is alone.
I cannot call her doctor; it is not a dire emergency
and her secretary (answering machine) will ask:
And her phone #?
“Sure.”
I hang up and wait 15 minutes.
“Is this really a dire emergency?”
Before this call, I was going to pray and write
And I would answer no.
and decide if I really wanted to go to the gym
I have to stay calm and call the hospital.
or skip it and just cook.
I get transferred to the operator
But now I see my hands shake for 15 minutes,
who will transfer me to her floor
because I knew my mom was in pain for hours.
And it doesn’t feel good.
The phone will be answered by a random nurse.
So I call back and call the main number
“Hello, my mom is S. Siddiqi. She is a patient. She was
and press “0.”
transferred and I don’t have her new room # or phone.
I ask for the nurse of her new room
She is in pain.
and Nurse Jackie picks up.
She cannot see.
She is about blind.
She has other issues.
Now she is in pain
So she could not call me.
Can you please transfer me to her nurse?”
“Ma’am, can you call back in 15 minutes? The nurse on
duty is leaving and a new nurse is coming.”
“Hi Nurse Jackie, I’m Umber, S. Siddiqi is my mother,
she is in pain and needs help.
Has her catheter been put back in?”
Yes, it has
I FEEL RELIEVED.
“OK,
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Shaking & “7 Wisdoms of pain and suffering”
Has she eaten?
Nurse: Sure, her name is Rondha, and her shift is 7 a.m. to 7
Can you tell me what her chart says?”
p.m., and mine is tonight until 7 a.m.
“OK, I will deliver food at around 6 p.m. so you both get it,
Nurse: She has not eaten dinner. It is probably because she
sounds good?”
was in pain.
Nurse: Yes, thank you, good night.
“OK, can you make sure she eats before she sleeps?”
I hang up the phone, call my father, and calmly tell him what
Nurse: Sure.
happened.
“Can you please take care of my mom?
She is in a cold, dark place.
Then I WhatsApp my aunt and tell her:
She cannot see.
She is in pain
And no one can visit her.
Please give her extra care.
She will take the pain, so I just want to make sure she is
taken care of.”
“Also, can you tell me if I deliver food to you guys, how can it
“My mom can’t talk tonight, she needs to relax.”
My aunt tells me some prayers to recite (which I google to
confirm authenticity)
I do.
I decide to do my own prayers.
be sent up?”
I cook, pray, edit this for typos.
Nurse: Well, her chart says…
This is what’s on my mind today.
“No, I mean food for the nurses, to appreciate all the work
you are doing. I know you probably don’t get a chance to eat
with all your patients.”
Nurse: Oh, that is nice of you. Sure, you can send it to the
third floor.
“Can you tell me the other shift nurse, so I can deliver it at a
time when both of you can get it?”
284
This is life.
One minute you are joking,
the next minute you are in prostration,
the next, shaking.
This is the struggle. To be calm in the face of struggle.
This life is very temporary.
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Purposefully Annoyed
Nursing
Advice to myself: “In God We Trust”
Nursing
(It’s on the dollar bill)
When I nursed,
it was an experience that
I do not want to remember.
Do you know
how it feels
to be starving,
yet your baby wants to nurse
your nose for half an hour?
(Yes I said nose, so imagine it,
feel the feelings)
You’re exhausted
yet you must wait
until your baby is full.
-
It feels like eternity.
Overwhelmed by love
and duty,
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Purposefully Annoyed
Nursing
you are sad
And you wonder to yourself:
that you have to do this for up to 2 more years.
How do other men have 3 children?
And it feels odd
I cannot do this again.
that a baby is sucking your nose.
Your lips are parched from thirst
Then, the baby bites your nose hard.
and you see your wife sleeping.
Now, remember, men,
Should you wake her up?
you cannot hit the baby,
Let her get you a glass of water?
so you put your finger between the baby’s mouth and
your nose
Oh, but she has work tomorrow.
You don’t want to disturb her.
so you can stop feeling the pain
and the awkwardness of sucking.
The baby is still on your nose,
and you are very uncomfortable.
Then the baby falls asleep with your nose
halfway inside her mouth.
You feel gross
yet you are nourishing this child
(Yes, it’s a girl.)
who was inside of you
Also keep in mind
for 9 months.
you have stitches from the delivery.
And your lips are still parched;
You need to move gently
the baby is dehydrating you.
so you’re not in more pain.
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Purposefully Annoyed
Nursing
Great, now you need to answer the call of nature.
You add some soothing gel to your nose.
You hold it for 10 minutes,
Hopefully in 2 hours, you will be back at it again.
then you must move the baby
But your wife would have gone to work by then.
and the baby wakes up.
You are so glad your father-in-law can cook for you and help
you.
You have teeth marks on your nose
You know many don’t have that help.
Your wife is groggy and slow to rise,
so you leave the crying baby in the crib
Nursing was one of the hardest things for me to do.
and run to the bathroom
It had an immediate emotional effect on me.
Your wife has no idea how to keep the baby quiet
It was not postpartum depression.
So you decide to suction-cup your nose
Rather, it was just this sadness
to remove some nose-milk
that only came when I nursed.
so your wife can help bottle-feed her.
I would be so hungry when I woke up,
You are drained.
but after I fed my son,
You are in pain.
I lost all of my appetite.
What should you do?
You feel trapped.
I know some of us, and certainly men, will never 100%
understand what a mother goes through.
But that baby looks at you
So I hope this helps.
and you feel at peace.
If they nursed you into this world, then honor them.
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Nursing
Qasim, Kindness to Parents)
Ibn Umar saw a man carrying his mother and going
around the Kabah in tawaf, and the man asked:
“Have I fulfilled my duty towards her?” Ibn Umar
replied, “Not even for one contraction! However, you
-
have done good and God (Allah) will reward you
tremendously for the little that you could do.”
—Al-Kaba’ir, p. 42
Zu’ah bin Ibrahim said that a man came to ‘Umar (ra)
and said to him: “I have an old mother who is unable to
go answer the call of nature, so I carry her on my back.
I also help her perform ablution while turning my face
away from her (out of respect). Have I fulfilled my duty
towards her?” ‘Umar (ra) said, “No.” The man said, “Even
though I carry her on my back and exert myself in her
service?” ‘Umar (ra) said, “She used to do the same for
you (when you were young) while hoping that you will
live, as for you, you await when she will go away (die).”
—Birrul-Walidain, by Ibn al-Jawzi
(read on pg. 63, Abdul-Malik Al-
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Purposefully Annoyed
Guns & Obesity
Guns & Obesity
from Pizza Hut
I’m 40 years old, yet my parents will still get shocked
and mad at me
Soon after he started,
as if I’m 17 again,
to support his family.
he was held at gunpoint
and told to give all his money.
as if I’m not an adult.
Ah, moms and dads love so much.
They don’t want their kids to worry about financial
problems.
And since he valued his life,
his life where his job was to provide for his family,
he gave his money at gunpoint,
My dad worked at a large Manhattan printing
company.
and brought home leftover pineapple pizza
that same day.
He was a supervisor.
He worked hard. He took a bus and train to Manhattan.
He sometimes came home late at night.
He worked there for 18+ years.
Right before 9/11, he got laid off.
He was unemployed in his mid-40s.
Since he had no job,
And so I got unlimited pizza and breadsticks.
They were warm,
they were loving,
and my dad knew it was unhealthy,
but at least I was protected
and he was spared his life.
He began delivering pizza
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Follow Your Gut Instinct
Follow Your Gut Instinct
The son of Adam does not fill any vessel worse than his
stomach. It is enough for the son of Adam to eat a few
mouthfuls to keep him going, but if he must (fill his
stomach), then one third for his food, one third for his
drink and one third for air.
—Ibn Maajah
-
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Purposefully Annoyed
Follow Your Gut Instinct
Why did I not want to go inside the doctor’s office,
you ask?
Yoooooo
It’s because of all those germs
Oweee
But wait,
Darn it!
my inner voice tells me.
I knew I shouldn’t have gone into the doctor’s office
with my dear mother today.
Umber, if your mom can do it,
I knew I should’ve dropped her off at the front desk.
I knew I should’ve followed my gut instincts.
So can you!
What if she catches COVID?
But the guilt!
And you’re just in your car
scrolling on your phone
Oh the guilt!
while she’s at risk by herself?
My mom just came out of the hospital a few weeks
ago.
I took off work today
so I could take her for a checkup.
I just wanted to walk her in,
and wait in the car and read and write.
So my mom says:
“It’s up to you if you want to come in or not.”
I decide to go inside,
sit with her for a few minutes,
and leave.
Did I mention I almost slammed the car door on her
hand?
Not my fault, I promise!
I felt bad.
She accidentally decided to put her seat belt on
while I was closing the door.
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Purposefully Annoyed
Follow Your Gut Instinct
Your dad said buy a box of Russell Stover’s chocolate.
So we go inside the doctor’s office.
Me: Now this is where I draw the line.
I’m sitting there,
with a potted plant
and a nice box of chocolates
I’m not buying that brand; there’s better chocolate out
there.
that my mom told me to buy for her doctor.
So I had 5 calls and 2 sets of instructions.
Mom, did the doctor do anything special?
Oh, she’s so nice.
She’s so nice to me. Even your dad likes her.
Back to the doctor’s office…
She is both my parents’ doctor.
As I wait there and see people,
potentially sick people,
My moms called me 5 times in the past 4 days to
make sure
I get a box of chocolates and flowers for her doctor.
Don’t forget,
I’ll pay for it.
Buy the lilies that I like.
No, buy her roses.
No, she won’t have space on her desk.
Buy something in a vase.
No, buy something in a pot.
OK Maaa I get the point.
(all the calls except one came when I’m in the office)
300
I get slightly anxious.
Me: I really should go in the car. It’s safer.
Ma, I’m going back to the car, call me when you’re
done.
Mom: But who will carry the flowers and chocolate? I
can’t see…
Me: OK, I’ll stay.
Umber, show me the chocolates
They look small. Why did you buy a small box, Umber?
Me: I bought the largest box, Mom.
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Purposefully Annoyed
Follow Your Gut Instinct
Me: Can I check too?
My mind wanders
Nurse: Sure
Why am I feeling germs?
I think to myself: How nice of her to let me check my
weight.
Can you feel germs???
15 minutes later
Siddiqi, go to room 2
I pick up the flower pot and chocolates.
We wait another 10 minutes in the examination room.
We take off our coats.
The heat is hot and it’s stifling.
Maybe that heater kills germs.
(I know this is false.)
Everything goes well.
My mom asks as she’s leaving:
Can I check my weight?
(Such a good question. Smart woman.)
After all, it’s not my doctor’s visit.
I’m excited to see my weight!
For the past 2 months, I’ve been pretty good at eating
and gym-ing.
(minus the 2 Georgetown cupcakes I ate for husband’s
birthday)
I climb the scale
Excited, nervous
And the mic drops
Bombshell
Ink splatter
What the :(&@@((:/$???
Waaaaaaat
Doctor: Sure, let me get the nurse.
Whattttt
Mom: 138 lbs. !
I get offf
Great, Mom! You lost weight after the surgery!
Mad
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Purposefully Annoyed
Follow Your Gut Instinct
Sad
Now I’m trusting in you, Lord!
Mad and sad
Disappointed as heck
I feel like a part of me died in the doctor’s office
Whattt
I hope my mom didn’t hear my weight.
The part that thought I was losing weight!!!
I knew I shouldn’t have gone to the doctor.
Next time,
She’s going to lecture me
and make me feel worse
than I already do.
Follow your gut instinct.
The nurse says, “Oh, subtract 5 lbs. for the weight of
your boots and coat”
-
5 lbs.
5 lbs.?!!!
That’s not freakin’ anywhere close enough!!
I scream internally.
Why did I go to the doctor’s office?
I’m feeling so deflated
I’m still gonna eat some french fries this Friday, with a
Beyond burger
or a REAL burger!!
I am calling on God to help me lose weight!
I tied my camel,
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Purposefully Annoyed
Three Weeks
Three Weeks
and offered his seat.
Oh! That was nice of him.
About 15 years ago,
But wait.
I bought a beautiful coat.
He thought I was pregnant because of the coat!
It was the time of synthetic fur collars.
I only closed the top button,
The problem was
and it looked too small for my stomach.
that it was two sizes too small.
How embarrassing is that!
But other than the fact that
This would happen every so often.
only one button would close on the coat,
If they only knew I wasn’t pregnant…
it was beautiful.
I was still glad I bought the coat.
It was black and had good contours.
I decided to buy
Then next year,
the wrong-sized coat.
I wore another coat.
I had decided to wear it one day
It was loose.
on the subway.
No one offered their seat to me anymore;
the coat fit.
Standing in the morning rush hour,
a gentleman looked at me
One day while riding the subway,
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Purposefully Annoyed
Three Weeks
I felt dizzy while standing.
I could tell.
I thought it was my blood sugar, perhaps,
but not really,
As my stop came
because I’d had breakfast
I felt so out of it.
and I’m not diabetic.
At the 33rd stop in Manhattan,
I quickly ate some grapes
I saw a police officer 300 feet away.
while standing.
I was barely able to walk to him.
There were no seats left, so I was
Excuse me, I feel really dizzy. Can you keep an eye on
me?
holding on to the pole
and maneuvering around, bending down
to find my Ziploc bag of grapes.
A man I was standing directly in front of
asked if I was okay and needed to sit.
I think he noticed me acting strange.
I told him, No, it’s okay.
But I was not okay.
He didn’t get up;
He really didn’t want to give up his seat—
I’ll be sitting ove–
And boom,
I collapsed.
He grabbed me.
My vision
blanked out.
Ma’am, ma’am,
Are you okay?
Me:
silent.
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Purposefully Annoyed
Three Weeks
Ma’am, I’m calling the paramedics.
Me:
out of it.
He held me and walked me over to sit down.
Ma’am, where’s your wallet?
By now my head was so heavy I couldn’t see.
I wanted to sleep.
Ma’am, don’t sleep.
The paramedics are coming.
This was happening inside the subway station
right next to the subway Macy’s entrance,
which was on my left.
8:30 a.m.
The paramedics gave me oxygen,
and I was able to mumble, I’m pregnant.
Three weeks.
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POP
POP
Today I did something crazy
I decided to bike through the Alpines
I had to keep shifting gears
PA RT N I N E
Overwhelmed in
an Underwhelming
Place
It was cold
But it was beautiful.
My nose was cold.
Did I mention that
I’m kind of out of shape?
I was texting as I rode.
This is kind of dangerous.
The last time I rode my bike,
it didn’t go very well.
I had an accident.
A very bad one.
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Purposefully Annoyed
POP
Not that there’s such a thing as a good accident.
And I wasn’t texting.
I guess a good accident would be
If you didn’t die, right?
So since I survived, it was a good thing!
Biking through the Alpine Mountains today
-
was pretty easy
because the last time
I rode my bike
A truck hit me
And I went under the truck
It was not good.
I heard things POP
inside my body.
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Purposefully Annoyed
Release Happened Here
Release Happened Here
There is so much
Sometimes crying feels so darn good
needing
A release of bursting energy
wanting
a fireball of emotional confusion
so much negative
Why do I feel this way?
and too many extremes
Anger
and too many emotions.
Hurt
You better watch out.
Stress
You’re about to explode.
Feeling this way isn’t exactly fun.
There’s too much fear and
Minutes,
feeling this way
sometimes hours,
drains all your patience.
before that 1st tear escapes,
there is a small rumbling.
And you smell it,
You feel it from your shoulders tensing
see it
your stomach twisting
taste it.
your heart, leaking
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Purposefully Annoyed
Release Happened Here
Yet, what can you do
as your frustration dissipates,
when you see a natural disaster coming?
so does all your steam and you cool down.
You just hunker down,
and let it pass.
That negative energy that was bundled inside you
Now you know you’re going to lose it
is hopefully gone by now,
You know where you’re heading;
and the healing begins.
it always happens the same way.
Your eyes get hot,
Your heart, now an empty vessel,
like a volcano heating up before the initial eruption.
begins to clear up
First, gas and steam are created,
from the smoke and ashes of your eruption.
then steam and venting of magmatic explosions,
Hating and letting go feels liberating
then release!
The heart hurts
Hey kids, no need to make your own erupting volcano!
vomits
Put that vinegar and baking soda away
and
and just watch how mommy does it,
regurgitates
said no one ever.
what is not good for it.
As your lava tears pour out,
Your heart is a container
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Purposefully Annoyed
They say a “vessel.”
Getting Spiritual
not feel anger at their onset, nor will he be distressed or
disheartened.
If you fill it with confusion
—Ibn Taymiyyah
and doubtful matters that weigh on your morality
versus filling it with certainty—the good, pure things—
Then those matters will leak out.
-
Your poor heart can hold so many emotions
until it erupts.
Fear and hope
Anger and hurt
truth and lies erupt.
As ash is released
and lava cools,
you can calmly say
Release happened here.
Trials and tribulation are like feeling the heat and cold,
when one knows that they cannot be avoided, he will
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Purposefully Annoyed
Getting Spiritual
Getting Spiritual
from a French bakery.
And after we shared our raspberry ganache tart,
Dear Ammi & Abu,
I’d need it again next week.
Mom & Dad
I was filling the void that my parents had when they
told me
You told me everything I’d want
that things would get better after marriage.
I’d get after marriage.
And that is why being married and having a career
is so confusing,
because I am still looking for something more.
Since I couldn’t get married right away,
I tried other ways.
I won’t write about them all because
it’s a can of worms.
And since I still did not find out what that missing
thing is,
I get to get spiritual.
However, I can mention one revolt.
It was when I revolted in college.
But before this, I leaned into the taste of food.
I filled my heart with the thoughts
of delicious decadent chocolate.
And so, I would think my husband loved me
In college, I eventually realized what I was missing in
life.
When my grandfather died while I was still in college,
something happened to me.
I decided to become spiritual.
if he bought me dessert
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Getting Spiritual
That was 25 years ago.
I always have another opportunity to try again.
Now I am 40 and still trying to fill pockets of loneliness,
When I do pray with focus,
but it’s a different kind of alone-ness
I get so much clarity.
because marriage wasn’t the answer.
So much so that
My career wasn’t the answer.
I don’t dig deep into my thoughts
And having a beautiful child wasn’t the full answer.
and neglect my son, my spouse, or my own needs.
Is writing the answer?
This is why I say
Maybe it is.
we are spiritual beings
I’m not quite sure, but it’s a good start!
with a need for prayer and consistent connection.
I’m praying about it.
And even though I consistently have both of them,
there are still a few minutes,
And seeing the wisdom of praying 5 times a day is
easy at age 40.
sometimes a few hours
when I feel unconnected & scared.
Because sometimes, I pray like I’m driving.
I don’t even know how I got to my destination!
I prayed so darn fast that it didn’t even count!
I feel unworthy and forgotten.
I beat up myself and feel sad,
even though I know I am loved
And so in one aspect, I can see why praying 5 times a
day makes sense;
by both my parents and my husband.
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Getting Spiritual
But the issue is,
and sweet tamarind chutney;
they sometimes show it in a way
it’s like heaven on earth.
that sometimes turns me off.
I want to feel that way when I switch from feeling
alone,
I want the love I see in the movies.
to feeling fulfilled and content with all that I have.
The type you feel
And although marriage didn’t teach me what might
be missing,
when you hear a song that resonates.
the COVID-19 pandemic did.
The type you experience when you fast
from sunrise to sunset,
The top Google search during the pandemic was not
such as that which occurs in the fasting month of
Ramadan when
“how to be an influencer”
you drink cold water—
it pulses down your 15-hour fasting body,
quenching your 15-hour parched throat.
Or
“which malls are open during the pandemic?”
The top search was
‘how can I help others?’
It’s the pure relief you feel after fasting all day long.
It’s that euphoria you feel biting into a meat-filled
samosa
‘how can I donate?’
I am so blessed,
so eternally grateful,
dipped in mint yogurt
that some of us have finally figured it out.
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Getting Spiritual
That the main way to feel content in life
not enter it, will not enter the Heaven of the next world.
—Ibn Taymiyyah [d. 728AH]
is to be of service to others,
for the sake of God,
and to connect with others.
-
There is no other way.
There is a loneliness more precious than life. There is
freedom more precious than the world. Infinitely more
precious than life and the world is that moment when
one is alone with God.
—Rumi
Truly, there is a Heaven in this world, [and] whoever does
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1,000 Miles
1,000 Miles
again and again
When I noticed this, I began following him, then
walking in the opposite direction.
Today I made up for yesterday’s “bad behavior” with
I began pushing chairs in his way,
my 7-year-old son.
making an obstacle course.
Yes! How the tables have turned.
Oh, he was loving it!
Today I was playful with my child.
Loving the attention,
He decided he had to walk 1,000 miles.
loving the playfulness
At first, he didn’t tell me his goal.
his momma was giving him.
At dinnertime,
I just noticed as he was walking
with his headphones on.
He was listening to a story,
as he was pacing back and forth,
while also eating.
Then this evolved
into making trips around the kitchen island.
Round and round he walked,
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I would walk in circles,
and as I passed him,
I put a brown paper grocery bag on his head.
And when he took it off,
I would say:
“Umar, put that bag back where it belongs!”
Lots of giggling ensued.
Sometimes, I am afraid to joke with him,
because then,
he never wants to stop.
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1,000 Miles
He wants me to keep going,
You self-sabotage.
even when I have to stop,
You let a goofy kid
or if I feel like stopping because I am tired.
But today was the perfect amount of giggles,
Not make you smile.
And you challenge a 7-year-old
because he was too busy walking 1,000 miles.
A child’s wisdom.
Sometimes you need a break.
You know the feeling.
When you act in a way that is not good enough
for yourself.
You know better.
But you did not
do better.
So you self-loathe.
When you push the wrong buttons
to a duel
to take you, the parent, seriously
when he has the giggles
and he is hyper transforming into something that
you cannot control.
And you take advice from other moms
Thinking it will work (Hah! What a fool you are!)
and tell him:
There is a time and a place for jokes and right now we
are not joking,
When you should “abort mission,”
we are reviewing a lesson. You are older now, so I
know you understand.
because you see yourself
And of course
flying into the wrong orbit
He doesn’t.
and yet, you continue.
He continues on
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1,000 Miles
and on
for not paying attention
and on
and messing up.
and this is when you should
Then your heart gives in
call it a day and say
and he sees your true love for him.
Misson failed.
As a parent,
Mission aborted!
you carry him up.
Yet you keep going.
Up-up high,
You keep trying
telling him he will be an amazing, great leader one
day
so much
that you end up in self-loathing mode
for a minute or two.
Why did I let him get to me?
To think that his tender 7-year-old heart
is ready to be serious.
because, despite all the goofy actions he does
He is beyond his age in wisdom.
Because when you ask him in frustration
What are you thinking right now?!!
He answers:
You are not going to like what I am thinking right now,
Then it begins:
so I won’t say it.
Anger and frustration at yourself
for making a goofy 7-year-old feel bad
And then you crash
Because at that moment,
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1,000 Miles
you wish you were a mirror of him
versus of yourself.
PA RT T E N
For God’s
Sake!
Living in a Divine World
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He is (Huwa)
He is (Huwa)
and every eruption.
My heart is filled with desire.
Desire to see the truth of
The Controller
The Sustainer
The Withholder
The Expander
The Friend of
Prophet Abraham
and those who seek His friendship
The Granter of security
The All Encompassing
The One who turns night into day,
Who harnesses the Power
to let ships sail.
He knows when you shudder,
your highs and
your lows.
He feeds you insight
He Knows your secrets.
Learn who He is
and you will Know
His Might & Power.
His Names and Attributes
increase your nearness to Him.
And He is closer to you than your jugular vein.
and day into night.
He Who Knows
“And indeed We have created man, and We know
whatever thoughts his inner self develops, and We are
closer to him than (his) jugular vein.”
The waves
The sea
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Not Knowing You At All…
—Quran 50:16
Oh, humankind!
-
Why do you think
Not Knowing You At All…
You are so great?
You flew into space.
You conquered flight.
Yet peace is not inside your hearts.
Why do you think so highly of yourself,
When Allah, God is above everything?
When One bullet to the heart can render you helpless.
Until then, why do you only familiarize yourself
With Everything Materialistic,
yet you are unfamiliar with your Creator?
His Throne is above the Heavens.
Be in Awe with this,
And let Him guide your soul.
Please let our only concern be of you,
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Let us only be concerned with praising your Majesty
Not Knowing You At All…
Him from hearing another, He does not confuse their
requests, and He never tires of hearing the pleas of those
Let us be sorry that we have so much wealth
and one day, You will hold us accountable for it:
in need. He sees all that is visible, even the walk of a
black ant across a solid rock in the darkest night. The
unseen is visible to Him, and secrets are known to Him.
Where did we spend it? Who did it help?
—interpretation of Quran Surah Ar
Rahman (The Most Merciful)
Some say we had a random, perfect beginning.
Yet who started the flicker?
Who made the perfect spark to create us all?
-
Who made us soar?
And who will we blame
for not knowing you at all?
He commands and prohibits, creates and gives provision,
and gives death and gives life. He raises and lowers
people’s status, alternates night and day, gives days
(good and not so good) to men by turns, and causes
nations to rise and fall, so that one nation vanishes and
another emerges. His command and decree are carried
out throughout the heavens and on earth, above it and
below it, in the oceans and in the air. He has knowledge
of all things and knows the number of all things. He
hears all voices, and does not mistake one for another;
He hears them all, in all the different languages and with
all their varied requests and pleas. No voice distracts
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Mus’ab
Not Knowing You At All…
Ibn
Umair
the devout knew him.
A charismatic brother
Mus’ab Ibn Umair died long ago
the one who may not be the best bachelor
on December 22nd, 625 AD.
due to his monetary loss.
He’s not the famous Ertugrul Ghazi
After he decided
Father of the Founder of the Ottoman Empire
he would worship only 1 God
(who has a TV show dedicated to him on Netflix),
and leave the plurality of gods,
but he was the first person who made me cry,
his family disowned him.
because reading about his good deeds
In the least, they locked him up
made my heart melt.
and took away
He was young.
all of his material things.
Died at age 30…
When the Prophet Muhammad’s companions saw him
I never met him.
they bowed their heads and cried
I never saw his face.
Because
The flower of the Arab tribe called Quraish
they once saw him
His calling was to die poor
very wealthy,
though he was born into wealth.
now wealthy no more.
Handsome & famous
Now rich in heart
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Not Knowing You At All…
his tattered clothes
And again:
held together by straps of leather,
yet he gained so much more.
I want us to realize things aren’t the way they seem.
He was the famous Muslim
There are always 2 perspectives to consider.
of over a thousand years passed
This makes us flexible in life.
Mus’ab Ibn Umair
This might help us increase in faith.
My favorite righteous companion
of the noble predecessors.
And the more I learn about Islam,
He is neck in neck with the leader Umar, ibn Al
Khattab
the more at peace I am with this world
in which I live in. To learn more see
whom I named my son after.
877-WHY-ISLAM (whyislam.org)
Umair taught others.
He was kind and gentle.
He flipped hearts.
He gave up his wealth.
There won’t be any motion pictures about him.
He’s not in any top 100 chart.
Except in mine.
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About the Author
Umber Siddiqi, a born-again Creative, loves connecting with
those who find her funny and brilliant as well as those who
will listen and smirk very patiently. She enjoys telling guthonest stories about everyday situations, embracing humor,
and sharing the idiosyncrasies of life.
She took root in the concrete jungle of Brooklyn, before
being whisked away to Bayonne, New Jersey. Umber, which
means “Sky” In Urdu/ Hindi, and the smell of heaven in
Arabic, loves to bond with people through conversations and
her writing. This is her first book. She is a mother of one and
wife of one. She currently works for a nonprofit in Somerset,
New Jersey. Born and raised in the United States, yet being
Pakistani gives her a unique spiritual perspective that you
may find yourself laughing and agreeing with!
To connect with her
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