REEL VS REAL
By
RUDRA GARGE
JAY GAYA
SCENE ONE : BATTLE ROYALE
EXT. PUBG WARZONE
There are 2 bunkers and all the characters have guns and pubg gear, and
they take turns hiding and shooting from the bunker, Subodh gets hit and
crawls and screams
SUBODH
(voiceover) Toh kaise ho darshako aaj me aya hu ek aur stream lekar. Mujhe supplies mil chuke
hai bas nade karne wala hu. Smoke bomb se cover leke Snipe karne ka try karenge. Ahaa patta se
headshot, Thank you for the superchat siddhant. Shit open fire kar rahe hai, cover lo sab. Arre
yaar squad member injured!
SUBODH
Help!! Revive kar na be. Revive me Jeet (in the tone of "Rebibe me Jett" meme). Help!
SCENE TWO : ROOM 404
INT. HOSTEL ROOM
The bunkers have turned into beds. Subodh and Hemant are playing
pillow fight on the right bed. Jeet is playing on his phone while eating
chips . Hemant is hitting Subodh with a pillow playfully.
SUBODH
HELP! Abe Jeeeet! (giggling)
HEMANT
Pehle he bola tha chidha mat uske naam se, ab bhugat (laughing) (hits him again). Sorry bol de
abhi bhi.
SUBODH
Soooo-Sau baar bolega tabhi bhi nahi bolunga hahaha.
Hemant hits him with a pillow again.
SUBODH
Sooo-ccerr mera favourite sport hai
HEMANT
Dhang se bol varna...
SUBODH
Acha theek hai. SORRY. Ab "KHUSHI" mili? (protects his face with his hands)
HEMANT
Abe teri toh! (While wrestling him with pillow). Mujhe toh laga tha bas padhai me he dimag
chalta tera. Aur mujhe bolra saale, "Muskaan" toh tere chehre par bhi hai.
JEET
(irritated because he lost the game) Subodh toh hai thoda mand, tu toh dhang se reh Hemant.Kya
baccho jaise ladh rahe ho yaar?
HEMANT
Aur tu kya buddho jaise mundi neeche dalke baitha tha?
JEET
Yede chale mat kar maam.
SUBODH
Ha na bhai, aisa mat bol usko, bechara JEET abhi game HAAR gaya.
JEET
(poker face) Hasna tha?
HEMANT
(looking at subodh) Dekh subbu mai bhi tere he side hu, par baat toh jeet ki bhi barabar hai.
SUBODH
Hatt be, ye kya wave particle duality hai teri
JEET
(points upward) wo fan dikh raha hai?
SUBODH
Ha
JEET
Mere sar ke utne upar se gayi wo baat.
HEMANT
Wo fan dikh raha hai?
JEET
Ha, kyu?
HEMANT
Ussi fan se latak ja saale, agle mahine end sem hai, aur ab tak tujhe first chapter ke words tak
nahi pata.
SUBODH
Ha na yaar, padhai important hai.
JEET
Tu baadme padha dena yaar. Subbu ko padhana nahi ata for real no cap, doubt pucho to bolta hai
ki "itna bhi nahi ata?" Tu achese samjhata hai.
HEMANT
Phone pe itna time rehta hai na, youtube se padhle na . Pdf wagre bhi mil he jayega
JEET
Try karta hu yaar, par 15 second ke upar lecture dekha nahi jata. Na gana, na slowmotion shot,
na wo remix kar sakte hai. Jaise taise dekh liya toh bhi 5 minute baad instagram khul jata hai,
pehle toh likes check karta hu naye reel post kiye the uske. Fir feed me khane ke reels aate hai.
Fir khane ki icha ho jaati hai, khane ke baad neend aati hai. Sochta hu agle din uthke padh lunga,
par fir wahi cycle. Dhyan nahi lagta yaar koi bhi kaam pe, Light wala chapter padha toh tha par
fir bhi kuch yaad nahi hai.
SUBODH
Detail me padha tha ya upar upar se?
JEET
Upar upar se
SUBODH
Matlab tune LIGHT chapter ki LIGHT reading ki? (smirking)
Jeet looks at Hemant in disappointment
JEET
Sun na subbu, ham dono ki taraf se khudko ek ek gaal pe maar lena
SUBODH
Hemant dekh na kya bol raha hai
HEMANT
Chill kar. Tu chana kha re (offers chana)
SUBODH
Chane se allergy hai
Hemant picks up the pillow, Subodh flinches
Jeet laughs
JEET
Aisa sab conent mere vlog ke time kyu nahi dete
Hemant takes chips from Jeet
HEMANT
Isse toh allergy nahi hai na?
JEET
(snatching the packet back from hemant)
Wapas kar saale. Ek toh pehle dimag kharab karke rakha hai.
Senior Johnnie dada walks in with his two yes men chana and dana
JOHNNIE DADA
Kya hai re? (looking at Hemant and subodh) Ye pareshan karra kya tumko? (throws him a sheet
of paper) 7 sheets hai, kal last date hai. raat tak hoi jani chahiye. Samjha?
JEET
Par Johnnie dada kal kaise? Itne jalJOHNNIE DADA
Ha ya na me bolneka
JEET
Ha, samajh gaya Par wo thoda mushkil hai, aisa last moment peCHANA
Aap bolo dada, isko dekhta mai
JOHNNIE DADA
Ruk re chane, aye dane raat tak assignment poora karna asan hai na?
Dana is snapped out of his zone
DANA
Kya? H-ha boss
JOHNNIE DADA
Har baar sahi baat karta yaar tu.
CHANA
Raat tak ho jana chahiye haa
JOHNNIE DADA
Chal na be khajur, samajh gaya wo
CHANA
Khajur nahi na dada, Chana
JOHNNIE DADA
Ha jo bhi, chal ab.
Johnnie Chana and Dana walk out
HEMANT
Bhai nahi karna hai toh bol deta na
JEET
Johnnie dada ko mana nahi kar sakte bhai. Subbu sunn na assignments kar dega kya?
SUBODH
Ha
HEMANT
Nahi, wo kyu karega?
SUBODH
Ha mai kyu karunga?
JEET
Kyuki usko ata hai meko nahi. Aur mera daily vlog banana bhi baaki hai yaar.
HEMANT
Mat kar na fir, Dekh subodh tu assignment nahi karega. Koi bhi aise aake manmani nahi kar
sakta, wo senior jo bolega wo Jeet ka problem hai
SUBODH
Barobar, nahi karunga
HEMANT
Dekha Jeet, Tu karle khud woAlarm rings on Hemant's phone
HEMANT
Library janeka bhool he gaya tha tumhare chakkar me. Mai ata hu, aur Subodh assignment mat
karke dena, aur Jeet, bechare ko jyada pareshan mat karna.
JEET
Ha, JYADA pareshan nahi karunga
Hemant smirks and walks out with his bag
JEET
Arre subbu ye dekh (showing his phone) apne class ki Muskan pata hai na, arre tujhe toh pata he
hogi. Uski follow request aayi hai. Teko aayi hai kya? Abe ha, tera toh insta account he nahi hai.
SUBODH
Zara photos dikha na bhai
JEET
Kya choti baate karta re, Tera sath video banake usko tag kar dunga yaar.
SUBODH
Pakka sath video banayega? Promise?
JEET
Promise re, par ek shart pe
SUBODH
Kya?
Jeet hands him the assignment
JEET
Raat tak.
SUBODH
(innocently) Theek hai.
Subodh starts to do the assigmnet, Jeet is sitting on the bed looking at his
phone.
JEET
Arre muskan ka dm aya
SUBODH
Kya? Kya boli wo? Bata na
JEET
Baadme, tu apna dhyan de waha.
SUBODH
Bata na please
JEET
Distract mat ho, padhai important hai.
BLACKOUT.
SCENE THREE : CHAI PE KHARCHA
EXT. Chai tapri, there are 2 cots and Hemant, Jeet and Subodh are sitting
on it. Naaru (son of tea seller) is working, Naaru's father Damu is
watching tv
NAARU
Bhaiya aur kuch?
Everyone except Subodh is looking at their phones
Subodh is eating chips
NAARU
Bhaiya aur kuch lau? Bhaiya!?
HEMANT
Kya? Nahi bas ho gaya.
NAARU
(murmuring to himself) Ciggarette ka dabba ho, Phone ho ya ye Tv, saala dabba he jhindagi
kharab karta hai. Photo bito lete kale saphed dabbo ka, aur photo dikhake bolte paisa de diya?
Kidhar diya? Hawa me? Mann me samajh lene ka ki mil gaye. Phone meich sara time dekhte
rehte re mama, aur pheer aaju baaju jo hora wo toh gaya tel lene nai kya. Abee bhooich gaya, tel
lana tha. Pappa marenge reee...
Naaru walks out
HEMANT
Kitna hua sabka? Mai kar deta payment tum bhej do.
JEET
(stands up excited) Koi zaroorat nahi,
HEMANT
Kyu?
JEET
My money don't jiggle jiggle it folds.... (15 second reel)
SUBODH
Matlab?
JEET
Paise mai dunga aajke poore, Damu bhaiya pehle ka hisab bhi bata dena kitna hai, clear kar
dunga aaj he.
HEMANT
Ohho! Ek chips na share karne wala ladka, aaj itna generous kaise?
JEET
Abe cricketbetters pe meri team jeeti aaj. Bisg W bhai. Smith kya khela yaar.
HEMANT
India pe bet nahi lagaya tha kya?
JEET
Bruuuh. Australia meri favourite team hai.
HEMANT
Abe parJEET
Yede chale karo bhi mat. Khush reh na party dera toh.
SUBODH
Ha, Hemant ko toh bohot Khushi hui
HEMANT
Abe yaar, firse wahi joke?
JEET
Nai toh kya repeat karne pe dimag kharab hota
SUBODH
Toh 12th ke baad repeat kyu kiya fir tune?
Hemant and subodh laugh and high five
Hemant's alarm rings
SUBODH
Class ka time ho gaya
HEMANT
Chal, nikalte fir
JEET
Tum jao, mai rukta thoda
HEMANT
Chal na, fail hona hai kya
JEET
Abe ja na, tum jaise 10 nerds ko job pe rakhunga mere youtube channel pe
HEMANT
Theek hai Mr Jeet Bezos, ham jaate hai
Hemant and Subodh walk away
Johnnie and chana-dana walk in
JOHNNIE DADA
Kya re khush lagra bohot?
CHANA
Ha jyada khush lagra
JOHNNIE DADA
Shhh
CHANA
Sorry dada
JEET
(in the tone of a tv ad) Khush toh hounga he na, arre cricketbetters pe invest karke paisa jo mila.
Cricketbetters me paise ki jokham hai aur iski adat pad sakti hai, Invest karne se phle saare
dastabeezo ko dhyan se padhe.
JOHNNIE DADA
Saale ad samajh ke rakha hai kya
JEET
Dada aap bhi karo paisa double ho jayega no cap
JOHNNIE DADA
Hera pheri ka Rajpal yadav nahi hu mai
CHANA
Ha, nahi hai wo
JEET
Dada sachme aap baat toh suniye meri, convince ho jaoge aap
Shark Tank opening theme song plays
Johnnie, Chana and Dana wear coats
Light changes to a spotlight on 3 of them
JEET
Aaj ki generation ka sabse bada problem kya hai?
DANA
Severe phone addiction aur low attention span leading to a crippling low productivity rate which
will ruin our world and make Eternal Doom inevitable
JEET
Nahi , sabse bada problem ye hai ki ham predict nahi kar paate kaunsa player acha khene wala
hai, toh iss samasya ka samadhan karne ham B2C service provide karte hai. Aur hamara ask is
20,000 rs with 0% equity and returned twice the amount in 2 days
JOHNNIE DADA
Pitch toh kaafi acha hai, revenue kitna hai?
JEET
Kal he maine 1500 invest karke aaj 3000 kamaye
CHANA
Ye gimmicky hai poora. Bakwas poduct hai. Isse wahiyat poduct maine aaj tak nahi dekha.
Matlab bhagwan utha le mujhe.
JOHNNIE DADA
Suniye unhe bolne dijiye
JEET
So kaunsa shark hamare sath judkar apne paise double karna chahta hai?
DANA
Isme financial risk ko kaise handle karoge?
JEET
Sir agar investment ke baad nuksaan bhi hota hai hamaraJOHNNIE DADA
Tera. Hamara nuksaan nahi, mujhe mere paise poore chahiye. Wo bhi double karke. Agar ye
responsibility lene ko ready hai, toh mai offer deta hu.
JEET
Ha sir, mai poori responsibility lunga
JOHNNIE DADA
You have a deal then
Johnnie hands him a cheque and both smile holding it and smile breaking
the fourth wall as if someone is taking a photo as shark tank music fades
out
BLACKOUT.
SCENE FOUR : EXTORTION
INT. HOSTEL ROOM
Jeet, Subodh and Hemant are sitting in their room
SUBODH
Fir class me se uth ke ja rahi thi, aur mai usko dekh raha tha, wo bhi dekh ke hasi. Aur mai toh
pagal ho gaya dekh ke.
Jeet's phone rings
Jeet cuts the call
JEET
Fir kya hua?
SUBODH
Baat karle na koi baat nahi
JEET
Nahi, nahi. Tu suna aage.
SUBODH
Matlab uski smile dekhne ke liye kuch bhi kar sakta hu
HEMANT
Radhe bhaiya phass gaye ladki ke chakkar mee
Jeet's phone rings again
Jeet cuts the call and switches off the phone
JEET
Badhiya hai yaar subbu
SUBODH
Par yaar Muskaan kalse ek week nahi ayegi
JEET
Itna bura laga kya usko tujhe dekh ke?
HEMANT
Chup kar yaar, tu bol subbu
SUBODH
Vacation pe gayi hai. Goa. Waha usse koi acha ladka toh mil he jayega yaar! Ab wo mujhe na
bhoole iske liye
toh social media pe ana he padega shayad, Hemant mujhe sikhayega kya ki kaise banate hai
account?
HEMANT
Jeet se pooch na usse jyada pata hai
SUBODH
Usko sikhana nahi ata, bolta hai "itna bhi nahi ata"
HEMANT
Theek hai bhai, batata hu mai
Hemant explains Subodh. Both look into subodh's phone
A loud knock is heard on the door
HEMANT
Ruko mai kholta hu
JEET
Hemant! Mat khol darwaza
HEMANT
Kyu
JEET
Please yaar
The knock gets louder and faster
Jeet stands near the door anxiously
Johnnie breaks the door and enters with Chana and Dana
Johnnie grabs Jeet by his collar and brings him out downstage
JOHNNIE DADA
Jyada phudakra kya? Itna bada ho gaya ki call nahi uthayega mera?
JEET
Wo phone-phone mere paas nahiJOHNNIE DADA
Aise phaltu baate toh kar he mat, poora time phone pe he rehta hai. Call nahi dekha aisa ho he
nahi sakta.
JEET
Dada sorry pleaseJOHNNIE DADA
Mu band rakh aur mere paise wapas kar mere paise. Saale 2 din bola tha, ek hafta hone ko aa
gaya.
JEET
Sunn toh lo dada
JOHNNIE DADA
Daant tutenge toh bolne ki halat me nahi rahega
CHANA
Dada ek lagau kya isko
JOHNNIE DADA
Ja
Chana holds Jeet by collar and slaps him
Jeet falls down and Chana sits on him holding his collar
JOHNNIE DADA
Kal tak saare paise chahiye mujhe, chal tu apna admi hai toh 3 din me chahiye poore.
JEET
Ha, ha dada
JOHNNIE DADA
Good boy.
Johnnie, Chana and Dana walk out, Jeet gets up slowly
JEET
(to himself) 3 din?? Kamse kam 30 saal ka toh time de
Chana walks in, slaps Jeet again and walks out again
Jeet walks inside the room, Hemant and Subodh are looking at the phone
miming their actions as we hear Jeet's voice talking to himself in his head
as he walks in and sits on the bed
JEET
3 din me itne paise kaha se lau? Ek toh Mann me bolna padd raha hai, wo Chana kahise bhi
sunke maarne aa jata hai. Gharpe paise mangu toh jhoot bolne ke liye bhi kuch nahi hai. Tch.
Jeet snaps out
He picks up his phone
HEMANT
Abeeeeee bhaaaiiiiiiiii
JEET
Kya hua?
HEMANT
Bata subbu
SUBODH
Muskaan ki follow request aayi
HEMANT
Ek second itne kam followers kaise?
JEET
Abe matlab uska private wala account hai! Subbu toh player ban gaya yaar
SUBODH
Ruk ruk message bhi aya uska!!!
HEMANT
OHOOOOOOO
SUBODH
Hi Subodh bol rahi hai, kya bolu kya bolu?
LALALALALA romantic music plays
BLACKOUT.
SCENE FIVE : FISHING THE CAT
Pink light and romantic music plays
Subodh standing in a banyan and shorts looking in his phone in a shy
manner
SUBODH
Hello Muskan Ji
MUSKAAN
You can call me Muski
SUBODH
Sacchi??
MUSKAAN
Ek shart pe
SUBODH
Manzoor hai
MUSKAAN
(laughing) arre sun toh lo
SUBODH
Sunna kya hai, aapka hukum sarakho par
MUSKAAN
Hmm, toh shart ye hai ki mai tumhe Subbu bulaunga
SUBODH
(shying) Saara pariwar aur dost mujhe pyar se yahi bolte hai Muskaan ji, Sorry Muski
MUSKAAN
Toh fir mai tumhe pyar se he bulaungi na...Subbu
SUBODH
Tum bhi na...Muskii
MUSKAAN
Acha ek baat batao, agar mai waha hoti toh kya karu?
SUBODH
Toh....toh Mai tumhara hath pakadta
MUSKAAN
Hmm, aur?
SUBODH
Aur aapke baalo se khelta
There is no response for 10 seconds
SUBODH
Sorry Muski, maine toh aise he bola, chali gayi kya, Muski yaha aao na, baat kyu nahi kar rahi
Muskiii
MUSKAAN
Arre sorry, batao aur kya karoge
SUBODH
Aur...aur mai tumhari akho me dekhunga
MUSKAAN
Suno na subbu, mera na recharge khatam ho gaya hai, zara 1000 rs bhej sakte ho kya, pleaaaase.
Nahi toh mai chatting kaise kar paungi batao
SUBODH
Nahi nahi, aise nahi hone dunga. Abhi bhjeta hu.
MUSKAAN
Suno na Subbu, actually mujhe coffee bhi peeni thi, nahi matlab kyuki ab raat ko sone toh nahi
wale na, mai paise wapas kar dungi
SUBODH
Muskiii tum bhi naa, abhi bhejta hu. Aur wapas karne ki koi zaroorat nahi. Mai hu na yahape.
Coffee chahiye na, kitne bheju? 20rs? 50? Ek kaam karo 2 cup pi lena 100 bhej deta hu. Itna ho
jayega na? Tum batao agar aur lage toh, batao kitne chahiye?
MUSKAAN
2000, subbu aajkal cafes me yahi rate hai. Tum chahte ho mai gande quality ki coffee piyu? Fir
bimar padd gayi toh. Koi baat nahi koi dusra ladka pila dega. Jao baat he nahi karni tumseSUBODH
Arre arre, Muski ji aapke liye kaunsi badi baat hai ye. Bhejta hu. Aap baat karna mat chhodiye
please. Aur dusra ladka mat bolie, ham hai na aapke liye. Aap baat kijiye mujhse.
MUSKAAN
Pehle bhejo
SUBODH
Bhej diye
MUSKAAN
Thank you re Mere Subbu
SUBODH
MERE??
MUSKAAN
Ha, mere.
SUBODH
Aap toh mujhe sharminda kar rahi hai
MUSKAAN
Abhise sharminda ho gaye
SUBODH
Matlab?
MUSKAAN
Arre abhi toh bohot kuch baaki hai. Meri icha nahi poori karoge kya?
SUBODH
Karenge na. B-Bilkul karenge
MUSKAAN
Ek secret video bhejo.
SUBODH
Secret video?
MUSKAAN
Ha, ye baat ham dono ke beech he rahegi. Tum dance karke mujhe video bhejo.
SUBODH
Par-par maine abhi actually ache kapde pehne nahi, matlab ghar ke kapde hai.
MUSKAAN
Wahi toh chahiye. Mera matlab isliye toh private rahega na.
SUBODH
Mujhe dance karna nahi ata.
MUSKAAN
Chal jhoote, mujhe pata hai tum Hritik Roshan se better dance kar lete ho. Dikhte bhi usse better
ho. Body salman khan se jyada achi hai. Aur tumhara romance dekh kar shahrukh fail hai.
Tumhare photos dekh kar toh mai chauk gayi thi, you know i was exasperated and completely
flabbergasted by your gallant and might. Matlab mai khud ko rok he nahi payi. Isliye meri bohot
icha hai. Bhej do na please. Fir tumhare liye bhi ek surprise hai.
SUBODH
Surprise? (shy) batao na kya hai
MUSKAAN
Arre bataya na surprise hai
SUBODH
Pehle bataiye fir bhejunga video
MUSKAAN
Acha theek hai, ye photo dekho. Kaise hai ye kapde
SUBODH
Ye toh....
MUSKAAN
Hot hai na?
SUBODH
Ha...matlab...
MUSKAAN
Ab socho isse agar mai pehen ke photo bheju toh?
SUBODH
Uske liye toh mai kuch bhi karne ko tayyar hu
MUSKAAN
Hai na? Isliye mujhe wo dress khareedni hai. Toh 10,000 bhej do na please
SUBODH
Par itne paise....
MUSKAAN
Dekho tumne bola tha ki kuch bhi karne ko tayyar ho. Ab tum asli mard ho, apni zaban peeche
nahi loge na.
SUBODH
Ha, bhejta hu. Mere paas 6 hazzar hai utna bhejta hu. Par aap photo please bhej dena yaadse.
MUSKAAN
Thank you re subbuuu. Ab tu jaake wo video bana. Tab tak mai order kar leti hu. Jaldi bhejna.
Love you. Baaki bhej dena baadme.
SUBODH
Love you too.. Aap yahi rukna ha. Mai bhejta hu. Kahi jana mat please.
MUSKAAN
Ha re, tu ja
Subodh keeps his phone in place and dances on multiple songs, picks up
the phone and sends her the video.
SUBODH
Muski ji. Bhej diya hai. Aap dekh kar delete kar dena na.
SUBODH
Kuch boliye na, reply karo na. Seen pe kyu chhod diya?
A female laughing voice is heard in the background
SUBODH
Aap has toh nahi rahi hai na? Aisa nahi kar sakte aap.
The female laughing sound gets louder and slowly changes into male
laughter.
Subodh stands confused, throws his phone and walks around anxiously
holding his head. The laughing becomes more intense and louder.
BLACKOUT.
SCENE SIX : COLLEGE CYPHER
Warden stands in the corridors when a bunch of students walk towards
him.
STUDENT1
Sir wo Room 283 ka light toot gaya
STUDENT2
Sir wo room ka lock toot gaya
STUDENT3
Sir room change karne ka procedure kya hai?
STUDENT4
Sir sab birthday ke naam pe sabne meko belt mara
WARDEN
Arre yaar kitne baar bolna padega tumko
Old school rap beat plays, Warden wears shades and a cap, everyone nods
head as he raps
Bola mat kar,tu masti beta
Warna ho jayega rusticate ha
Kiya kand ab toh teri asthi beta
Future paani me doobi kashti beta
HOOK :
Maanta na baate jo seedha yaha khaye gali
Nashte aur maar dono me dete seedha chai pani
Milenge launde yaha har typa ke
Ajao sath hamare college cypher me.
STUDENT1
Karenge kand chahe jitni dedo warning
Chalegi moj masti night to the morning
Rukenge nai ye baat, ye toh hai sure thing
Ham kare matter tum karo sorting
Tum karo sorting, ha tum karo sorting
ALL STUDENTS TOGETHER
Ha haa tum karo sorting
Beat switch, trap beat
STUDENT2
Mujhe jaante hai sab mere charche hai Chin tak
STUDENT1
Toh kaha tha tu sixth wale scene tak?
STUDENT2
Kyu rahu tere sath hu mai ameer be
STUDENT1
Hostel life la degi tujhe zameen pe
HOOK REPEAT
Beat switch, sad beat
STUDENT2
Baitha rehta mai toh instagram par
Ma boli beta thoda ghar ka kaam kar
Iccha na hoti na lagta mann hai aajkal
Soke reele dekhu bas wo bhi chadar tankar
HOOK REPEAT
WARDEN
Mundi hai phone mai upar kar tu sar ab
Hua addict agar milega fir sabak
STUDENT2
Kyu dale sir jalee pe namak?
WARDEN
Samajh pagle mai bas kar raha hu madad
HOOK REPEAT
Beat switch Lofi beat
STUDENT3
Na mess ka khana khata
Nikle bas usme kankar
Bole dost aur bhrata
Chal ab class bunk kar
Dost aake chidhaye
Hota mujhe bhot dukh
Pehle neecha dikhaye
Fir mange meri notebook
Karu mai pray dono hath join kar
Bolu bhagwan; das kardo pointer
Band kardo crime, sab dedo time par
Dedo shoulder pe stripe, hu mai soldier sa tiger
Ye hai mera prime, im outta the cypher
HOOK REPEAT
Beat switch, drill beat
STUDENT4
Mera sab set, kar leta sab balance
Jitna leta utna deta
Carbon jaisa valence
8 ghante padh leta
Par liquor piyu gallons
Aage chomu peeche buddhu im in the centreee
Dimag of a topper par harkate back bencherrrr
Har group mera ghar jaake karu enteeer
Nahi leta koi load, i take no time to render
Beat switch. Old school beat again
WARDEN
Hogi mushkil nikale ye rasta
Alas itna record tode laash ka
*alarm bell rings*
NIKLO! Time hua class ka
HOOK PLAYS
Everyone folds their hands and stand in a formation in a cool rap video
pose.
BLACKOUT.
SCENE SEVEN : SIN IS KIN
INT Hostel Room
Jeet, Subodh and Hemant are sitting in their room
JEET
Brooo check this out (showing phone to Hemant)
Hemant laughs, Jeet shows it to Subodh. He barely manages to put up a
smile.
HEMANT
Kya hua bhai?
SUBODH
Kuch nahi yaar
HEMANT
Kam marks aaye? Nahi wo toh nahi hoga. Tabiyat kharab hai? Gharpe sab theek? Paise ka
problem? LadJEET
Chhod na hemant, nahi bol raha hai toh mat force kar na
SUBODH
Theek hu mai. Paise ki thodi problem thi bas.
HEMANT
Arre pagal hai kya, bataya kyu nahi. Ham hai na, kitne chahiye?
Subodh seeming to do a mental calculation
SUBODH
4 hazar.
HEMANT
(taken aback a bit) waise mai aur jeet milake de toh dengeJEET
(angry) Apna dekh tu! Mujhe iske beech mat la. Mere khudke wande hai.
HEMANT
Subbu tu uski chinta mat kar. Mai de dunga. Par koi problem na ho toh puch sakta hu kyu
chahiye?
SUBODH
Muski ji ke liye?
HEMANT
Kaun?
JEET
Chhod na apna kya lena dena?
SUBODH
Apne class ki muskan.
HEMANT
Usko kyu chahiye??
SUBODH
Wo nahi bata sakta?
JEET
Hogi yaar uski bhi koi majboori
HEMANT
Hogi bhi toh wo tujhse kyu mang rahi hai?
SUBODH
Ham dono ek dusre ko..pasand karte hai
HEMANT
Dost bol he mat tu toh.
SUBODH
Mai batane he wala tha
JEET
Ab kya kuch private bhi nahi rakh sakta kya wo?
HEMANT
(at jeet) Tujhe kabse itni akal ayi be? Aur tu (at subodh) kyu chahiye usko paise?
SUBODH
Dress lene ke liye
HEMANT
Itne? Itna he hai toh nahi deta chali ja bolna.
SUBODH
Pyar me paisa nahi dekhte hemant, aur waise bhi jo admi apne pyar ki zaroratein poori na kar
paye wo mard mard nahi hota hai.
HEMANT
Kahase seekh raha hai ye sab baate? Abhi call kar usko, baat karta hu mai
SUBODH
Call toh nahi kar sakta
HEMANT
Kyu?
SUBODH
Network nahi ata, maine pucha tha usse.
HEMANT
Matlab ab tak tune usse baat bhi nahi ki call pe, and wo itna sab mang rahi hai?
JEET
Aisa zarori thodi hai kiHEMANT
Chup reh tu jeet. Tu sure hai na wo tere se pyar karti hai?
SUBODH
Line cross mat kar tu
HEMANT
Saale wo hai bhi ya fir
JEET
Bas ho gaya yaar! Bechara pehle he rothdu ho gaya hai, uoar se aur bole ja raha hai
HEMANT
Jeet sach bata kya kar raha hai tu?
Alarm Rings
JEET
Class ka time ho gaya hemant, ye baat baadme kar lenge. "padhai important hai" na
HEMANT
Tujhse aake baat karta hu shaam me ache se, kuch toh karra tu. Chal subbu.
SUBODH
Mai nahi ara.
HEMANT
Abe pagal hai kya, bunk marega tu?
SUBODH
Mujhe aata hai ajka topic, aur waise bhi aaj muskan nahi aayi hogi.
HEMANT
(at subodh) MANDBUDHHI
Hemant storms out angrily with his bag.
Subodh begins to sob.
JEET
Arre kya hua subbu? Uski baat pe dhyan mat de tu
SUBODH
Muskan pyar karti hai na mujhse?
JEET
Ha re mere sher. Aur dekh paise ka bandobast toh ho jayega na kahi na kahise
SUBODH
H-(sobs) Ha. Par itne pJEET
Abe Romeo ne juliet ke liye jaan di thi, Apne zakir bhai bhi pyar me pighal ke sakht launde
banna chhod diye, Munna bhai ne chinki ke liye sab gande kam sacriphiz kar diye. Aur tu itni
mamuli kimat nahi de sakta? Itna kamzor hai?
SUBODH
Nahi, mai kamzor nahi hu.
JEET
Sher hai tu (slaps him lightly) Tiger
SUBODH
Ha, mai hu tiger
JEET
Chal fir, dikhade ki ye kam tere liye kitna asan hai.
SUBODH
Ek kam karta hu, gharpe course ke naam pe jhoot bolke paise mang leta hu
JEET
Tiger hai par dimag lomdi ka, wah re einstein
SUBODH
Abhi karta hu call
Subodh types number on his phone
He seems hesitant to call
JEET
Kya soch raha hai?
SUBODH
Mai jhoot kaise bol sakta hu?
JEET
Jab hemant ne pucha tu kaisa hai? Tune kya bola tha
SUBODH
Ki mai theek hu
JEET
Par tu tha kya?
SUBODH
Nahi
JEET
Toh kyu bola tune?
SUBODH
Taki usse bura na lage
JEET
Toh ab muskan ko bura na lage isliye kuch jhoot bolne padte hai subodh. Aur kya hemant
muskan se jyada important hai? hemant se shadi karega kya?
SUBODH
Nahi nahi, karta hu call
SUBODH
Par jeet, usne mujhe ek bhi photo nahi bheji aur maine phone pe awaz bhi nahi suni
JEET
Toh?
SUBODH
Uska account bhi alag tha, shayad private wala hoga, par fir main wale account ke message ka
reply kyu nahi karti?
JEET
Ladkiyo ka aisa he hota hai reSUBODH
Wo boli network nahi aa raha hai, toh fir uske messages aur stories kaise upload ho rahe hai
JEET
Itna dimag mat laga subodh
SUBODH
Mujhe doubt aa raha hai jeet, Jeet ye Scam hai jeet. Mujhe pehle kyu nahi samjha ye.
JEET
Film bohot dekhne ka nateeja hai kuch nahi hora
SUBODH
Nahi nahi, mai cyber cell ko call karke complain karta hu
JEET
SUBODH! Yaad hai maine bola tha ki sathme ek video upload karenge jisme tu rahega?
SUBODH
Ha?
Jeet sends a video to subodh, a notification sound is heard
The songs that subodh danced in scene 5 play on the phone in a low
sound as subodh watches in disbeleif
JEET
(laughs) tujhe tabhi samajh jana chahiye tha jab usne, sorry maine tujhe (scoffs) handsome bola.
Agli baar se koi tareef karega na, toh samajh jana scam hai.
SUBODH
(crying) tune-tu
JEET
Dekh yaar Johnnie ke paise doobe, wo mujhe dubakar upar aa gaya, ab mai doob raha toh tujhe
dubakar upar aa gaya. Ro mat ree, lambi saans le. Kaafi der paani ke neeche rehna hai. Tu bhi
kisiko scam kar lena re, oh sorry tu prank se jyada kuch kar nahi payega par best of luck. Cyber
cell wagre ko call karne ka soch raha hoga toh (smirks) rehne he de
Looks at the tone and hums he tune of the item song
Subodh sitting on the floor crying and burying his face in his legs.
JEET
Uss din match nahi harte toh ye sab nahi hota re aaj, kabhi kabhi kya hai na, khudki wicket
bachane ke liye dusro ko runout karwana padta hai.
BLACKOUT.
SCENE EIGHT : PAYBACK TIME
EXT. COLLEGE PREMISES
Johnnie is sitting Chana is massaging his shoulders, Dana is sitting beside
Johnnie, Jeet stands in front of them
JOHNNIE DADA
Kitte hai re Dane?
DANA
Hein?
JOHNNIE DADA
Paise kitte hue? 500 ki 24 note laya hai, kitta hua
DANA
Hmm
JEET
Dada bata raha hu na 12 hazar hai, 20 note aapko diye the, baaki uss din chana bhai ko
JOHNNIE DADA
Mu todd dunga, chup
DANA
12 hazar
JOHNNIE DADA
Isliye tu mera right hand hai re Dane
Dana goes back to sleep
Chana gets jealous and presses Johnnie's shoulder too harshly
JOHNNIE DADA
Ahhhhh, teko bhi hona kya batti? Aur saale ab tak iske diye hue paise diya nahi tu merko, khud
khaya kya?
JEET
Lagta hai Chana Chor hai
Chana slowly walks up to Jeet, slaps him and slowly walks back to place
JOHNNIE DADA
Thank you, Ye karne ke liye maaf kiya ja
JEET
Sorry dada, baaki ke bhi jaldi he de dunga
JOHNNIE DADA
Cash poora, phaltu shoutout wagre nahi
CHANA
Bilkul nahi.
JEET
Ha dada, cash.
JOHNNIE DADA
Ek baat bata re Jeetu, tu jamaya kaise re itta? Itne kam time me? Hamko toh laga gaya ye,
hockeystick wale bande ready he rakhe the maine.
CHANA
Ha ready the
JEET
Jab jigar toofan ho na toh manzilChana starts to walk towards jeet
JEET
Samajh gaya, sorry Chana bhai
Chana walks back to his place
JEET
Toh wo dos- roommate hai na mera subodh, usko muskan ke naam se phasaya aur loote paise,
laundi ke chakkar me aake topper bhi bakra ban gaya
JOHNNIE DADA
Ye tera khudka idea tha kya? Lag toh nahi raha
CHANA
Ha nahi lagra
JEET
Arre ek mast web series hai, usme se uthaya. Mai dekha wo aur mera dimag phat gaya, bola aisa
kuch crime apne ko bhi karna hai, aur aapke ashirwad se ye mauka bhi mil gaya
Jeet touches Johnnie's feet
Everyone laughs and high fives
JOHNNIE DADA
Ab ye bata bache hue kahase la raha hai? Kuch jugad hai kya?
JEET
Fauladi seene se acha chalak dimagChana about to walk towards him
JEET
Sorry, mera matlab abhi tak toh kar liya, aage bhi kar he lunga. soch raha hu, shayad koi idea aa
jaye
JOHNNIE DADA
Hmm, kuch dimag ki batti jala
CHANA
Batti jala.
BLACKOUT.
SCENE NINE : NON LITERAL PAYBACK TIME
Ambulance sound plays
Light fades in
Hemant, Warden, Naru, Damu, Student1,2,3,4 stand there
Jeet runs in the room with a panic, everyone one by one consoles Hemant
and walks out
WARDEN
Khayal rakho
Only hemant and jeet remain
JEET
Ye kya shuru hai Hemant?
JEET
Bata na! Shant kyu hai, Kya apne Subbu neHEMANT
Maar diya khudko
JEET
P-par kyu?
HEMANT
(suspicious and angry) KYU? Tujhe toh pata hoga.
JEET
M-mujhe kaise pata hoga
HEMANT
Bataya usne mujhe sab kuch
Jeet starts to sob
JEET
Mujhe nahi pata tha ki aisa kuch
HEMANT
Ye jabse sali duniya digital ho gayi hai tabse kuch asli bacha nahi na, kabhi lagta hai iska real
life me koi farak nahi padta, kabhi lagta hai ki yahi sab kuch hai. Tu khud addicted toh tha iss
nashe se, khudko bachane ke liye tune usse bhi isme utar diya na? Ye internet ka asli virus
download ho chuka hai hamari zindagi me. Andar se bachha HAI wo, sorry Hai nahi...THA.
Yakeen he nahi hota ki ab wo nahi raha, aisa lagta hai abhi apni bacche jaisi shakal lekar haste
hue ayega aur koi phaltu sa joke marega jo hame samjhega nahi. Baccha he tha wo, aur internet
ke baad wo mele me khoye bacche ki tarah ho gaya, kisi par bhi bharosa kar liya, par ghar ka
bhedi lanka dhaye. Roke kya hoga re ab? Usko jaan se jyada apni izzat pyari thi.
JEET
Sorry, Sorry mujhe maaf kar de (slaps himself)
HEMANT
Mujhe sorry bolke kya hoga, usse bolna chahiye tha, wo zindaa hota toh shayad maaf kar bhi
deta, uska mood photon ki speed se tez change hota tha sala
JEET
Kya bura kiya yaar subodh ne aajtak mera? (sobs) sala wo Johnnie jaise keede ki tareef ke liye
tadapta tha mai, itta bhokna ho gaya tha mai ki roommates ka he pyar nahhi dikh raha tha, gai tha
wo, usse shayad directly bhi mang leta na de deta wo
HEMANT
Karn tha wo, seedha mangta toh bina jhijak ke de deta, karn tha wo, apne he bhai ke karan mara
gaya.
JEET
Sab cheeze jaane ke baad kyu samajhti hai bhai (crying) kya karu ki wo mujhe maaf kar de
HEMANT
Abhi bhi maafi mang sakta hai
JEET
Ha?
HEMANT
Ha, kyuki wo abhi bhi zinda hai.....hamare dilo me
JEET
Wo toh hamesha he rahega
HEMANT
Par actually wo waise bhi zinda hai
JEET
Matlab? Zinda hai ki marr gaya?
Student 1,2,3,4, Naru, Damu walk in holing Subodh on their shoulder,
Warden is holding Johnnie by his neck
Subodh smiles as everyone cheers as they bring him in
SUBODH
Zinda ya marr gaya? I AM SCHRODINGER's SUBODH!
Everyone slowly puts subodh down
Jeet laughs in tears
SUBODH
Arre tu has raha hai? Schrodinger Subodh wala joke samjha?
JEET
Nahi pagle, teri keemat samjhi
Jeet and Subodh hug
HEMANT
Teko kya laga saale, tu akela he scam kar sakta hai?
SUBODH
Scam nahi, jyada se jyada prank
JEET
Sorry na re subbu, waise muskan banke maine ek cheez sach boli thi
SUBODH
Kya?
JEET
Love you subbu
Everyone laughs
WARDEN
(to Johnnie) Tu toh ruk ab, rusticate hone se kaise bachta dekhte hai
SUBODH
Mai sach me soch raha tha khudkhushi ka, Ro raha tha bathroom me, Hemant aya aur usse sab
bataya. Aur Hemant ne samjhake bachaya mujhe.
HEMANT
Shayad mai bhi selfish ho raha tha, bhool gaya tha ek dusro ka dhyan rakhna. Jaan ho tum dono
yaar.
SUBODH
Hemant ne mujhe khudkhushi se bachaya kyuki shayad usse Khud Khushi chahiye thi
HEMANT
(playfully) Ab toh mai apne hatho se marunga teko
SUBODH
Maaf karde bhai (laughing)
JEET
Mujhe bhi Subodh.
SUBODH
Ek shart pe maaf karunga
JEET
Jo tu bole
SUBODH
Jo technology tune bure kaam ke liye use ki, jo fame tune kamayi hai usse ache ke liye use kar,
aur kya pata kisiki zi ndagi bach jaye
JEET
Wo kaise?
SUBODH
Yaad hai na promise kiya tha, sath me video banayega?
JEET
Ha
Subodh holds his mobile and looks at it like selfie mode
SUBODH
College Cypher miss kar diya tha hamne, toh social message ke liye ek rap record karte hai.
HEMANT
Apne internet se corrupted system ko reboot karte hai.
Everyone puts on goggles and caps
The Rap sent by the school plays
BLACKOUT.
THE END :)