Essay #4
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Self- Concept Change after Romantic Breakups
Affects the Transference of Relational Selves
By Rosa Amador
February 10, 2023
The transcendence of the relational self demonstrates that the self links current
and prior experiences during our relationships with others. This concept explains that our
brain stores these experiences and might be triggered across situations reflecting our
interpersonal self. Saying this, people use their past experiences to make sense of their
new ones. The Slotter and colleagues article stated that the personal self becomes
confused after a romantic breakup and causes emotional distress. We all know that in
most romantic relationships and mostly in long relationships, partners become
intertwined, and the individualistic line can become blurry; during this time, couples
create good and bad memories and experiences. After a romantic breakup, these
experiences might affect their future relationships with another person, either for good or
bad. Example: a person who was previously in a toxic relationship, and after the breakup,
they went back to another toxic relationship; this could be because the individual was
very in love with their prior partner and they wanted the relationship to last; studies
describe that our subconscious will recognize this experience and might lead the
individual to a false sensation that this time, it might be different, and they will achieve
the bonding they did not have in the prior relationships. Or vice versa, because of the
terrible experience, they might avoid having any relationship with someone who has a
physical resemblance to their past partner, evading the feeling of lost and confusion.
Essay #4
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References
Andersen, M., & Przybylinski, E. (2013). The Relational Self: Transference as a
Meaning-Making Mechanism. Personality Dynamics: Meaning Construction, the Social
World, and the Embodied Mind, 67–89.
Slotter EB, Gardner WL, Finkel EJ. Who am I without you? The influence of romantic breakup
on the self-concept. Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2010 Feb;36(2):147-60. doi:
10.1177/0146167209352250. Epub 2009 December 15. PMID: 20008964.