Practice Essay #10: Discuss your involvement in and contributions to a community near your home, school or
elsewhere. Please select an experience different from the one you discussed in the leadership essay, even if this
experience also involved leadership. What did you accomplish? How did this experience influence your goals? Be
sure you explain how your involvement in these activities made a difference to others.
When I was thirteen, my brother and I volunteered for a vacation Bible study (V.B.S.), where
student leaders held activities, lessons, and games every day to teach children about the Bible.
Talking about my routine, I would have to wake up early, put on my clothes for the V.B.S, and
then arrive at the church, where we would carry our daily meeting sessions so that everyone was
aware of the schedule and the activities for the day. A parent volunteer and I were in charge of
this medium-size group of first graders, and we would take turns while doing a task and taking
pauses.
It was pretty relaxing and fun to teach the children about the world and help them out, whether
helping them color or helping them in a game. This venture taught me tolerance, how to deal
with younger kids, and how to get things done when on a plan. I was able to teach the kids about
Jesus, and it felt nice when they started to get more comfortable with me and enjoyed the time
they spent with me. During the time spent with us, the children learned many things that would
positively change their lives. It was very gratifying to see how I was having a positive impact on
their lives. The church community was a great environment where everyone had a great time.
In spite of the fact that I enjoyed the experience, it showed me that although I am patient and get
along great with younger children, I did not want to pursue this as my career. Even though it did
feel great seeing the kids learn and have fun. It was nice being capable enough to help out the
church and be put into a position where I helped others enjoy the beginning of their summer. I
loved bonding with the other student leaders as we joked around and grew closer together during
the week. It was all cool for a while but, later, I realized that I was slowly getting exhausted from
explaining how to do certain things or play a game.
Helping out the church and seeing the kids learn was a joy, and although I don’t want a career in
that sort of teaching position, I could understand why others would. I learned so much about how
to teach someone who is younger, how to be patient, and how to operate with kids on a schedule.
I was able to help the kids and allow them to have fun and socialize with others their age. The
team cooperation from the student leaders was exceptional and really tied the entire week
together so that all of the kids enjoyed themselves. It was amazing to be one of the leaders
helping out with such a spectacular event.
Feedback:
I appreciate the efforts you have put into writing this essay, clearly narrating your community
involvement experience and how it affected your future goals, and how it brought a difference to
others. You have also mentioned what you got to learn through this involvement. All-around, the
essay is very well written. What is worth mentioning is that the questions are answered in the
essay and are written in a manner that leaves no doubt in the reader’s mind. In short, there is
clarity in your essay.
One of the important skills for a writer to develop is composing the work efficiently. A tight
structure is vital in essay writing. Your work focuses on the structure that a well-written essay
should have. Your essay is coherent and well-organized. What is worth appreciating in your
piece of work is that the reader connects and grasps the flow of information themselves. This is
only possible if the writer has structured the essay well.
There are no issues with the formatting of your essay and is unrestricted from any spelling,
punctuation, or grammar issues. Impeccable spelling and grammar are a must and it can be seen
that you have proofread your essay before submitting it.