Conversations with my brother December 14, 2019 It’s the holiday season. I am doing laundry and packing my clothes for the travel home to Los Angeles. I call my brother to update him on a previous conversation and we end up being on the phone for an hour and thirteen minutes. That much be a first. Talking about what you may ask? About my first blog post…Being Hypergamous. He had no idea what that meant so I started explaining it with the analogy of a lion pride, the alpha male and lioness and cubs etc. It totally made sense to him. He agreed and could relate to it. I continued to explain to him that a woman is never satisfied. She always wants more. That’s in our nature just as it’s in men’s nature to want to spread their seed. But just because it is in our nature does not mean we are doomed. In society, we have curtailed this nature with societal rules, cultures, religion etc. For example, if you choose to cheat on your spouse or divorce your spouse just because you found a wealthier men, you may be ostracized by your friends, by your community, labeled a cheater or a gold digger respectively, lose your social proof. Or your religious beliefs deter you from acting on your nature. My realization is that we all should be self aware. If you know it is hard for you to be monogamous, then do not lie to your partner that you want a monogamous relationship. That will only lead to disaster. It does not make you a bad person if you want to live a life with commitment to no one and enjoy a lifestyle that allows you to spread your seed wherever and whenever. These are just my thoughts. I know I will continue to write more about this topic in the future since it fascinates me so. Brian Muhu December 22, 2019 10:21 p.m I think you are right..”self” awareness is key…the “self” is shaped by nature…and nature shapes the “self”..this is happening before we are born.. I think it’s important to understand this as a fact before attempting to fulfill and desire… What do yall think? BEING HYPERGAMOUS December 14, 2019 I have learned so much about this topic in the last six months. You can say I have been obsessed with it. It’s a trait all women have but I never had a name or label to attach to it. I am glad I learned about this before I got married or seriously dating. They say you attract what you want. I recently met an older man–14 years older than me, who is an entrepeneur, ambitious and works hard. I met it around the same time I was binge watching Youtube videos by Sheraseven1 about how to level up physically to get the man you want. I then met one a couple months later. What a coincidence! or is it the law of attraction at hand. Anyways, I can tell he is seriously looking for someone to settle down with. We are both on the same page with that. He has never been married and never had kids. We both want two kids—a girl and boy, Godwilling. Anyways, this is my first blog and this is the topic was heavy on my mind at the time of reading this. I hope you enjoy the quick read. IMPOSTER SYNDROME January 15, 2020 I find writing to be very therapeutic. The free flow of words. No judgment. Just pour the thoughts from my head onto this page. I remember someone in my past encouraged me to write but at the time I had no motivation for it. I now find this to be the most comfortable and secure way of me releasing my thoughts, worries, passions and moreover to come. I thought that I would write about freedom. But I think I will write about my new golden nuggets of wisdom I have received in the last few days. I had a great conversation last night with one of my really good friends about a new term she taught me: Imposter Syndrome. I have had this feeling for several years but I did not know what to coin it or what to label it. It’s a feeling of always feeling inadequate no matter what environment I’m in. My very first job working for the State of California as a Business Tax Representative, it was I who was the professional that business owners came to when they had questions about their filing their sales tax returns. Questions such as: Is this taxable? Is that taxable? With the sales tax laws ever-changing, I felt like it was a guessing game, but whatever answer I gave, the business owner on the other end always believed my answer since I was the professional. I did not feel confident at all in that position, which led to dissatisfaction in my performance thus unhappiness at the job. Four years later, I quit and moved on to be a Math tutor. With that, my imposter syndrome was not that bad because for the most part I knew what I was talking about or I could look at an example in the book and quickly know how to teach the material to the student. As an SAT Math tutor, privately hired where parents are willing to pay over $40 an hour, I felt I was not worth that and my self-doubts and insecurities and fear of letting down the students and parents led to to quit after a very short time. Funny thing is that the student passed his SAT with flying colors and the parent accredited her son’s success to my tutelage. She praised me and referred me to other parents but I could not accept that the kid passed because of me. I told myself that was a fluke and student was already very intelligent to begin with. This moved on to my accounting assistant position where the invoicing was easy but when the boss started giving me personal projects to work on which I could not completely understand what her vision was, I felt insecure at the job and found it easier to just quit. I say all this to say that I have now realized that I am not alone. I thought I was. But after speaking to my friend and she explained how she too suffers from this terribly and how ashamed we feel about it, it made it easier for me to tackle this head on knowing I am not an anomaly. Hope you enjoy this piece of vulnerability. THE PLIGHT OF LIFE February 13, 2020 I know this sounds like a very bleak topic to write about it but it has been the motto for the day and the past few weeks. I have heavily been listening to Jordan Peterson. He has been a beacon of light for me recently. Listening to him speak about simple things in life have been mind and life transformative for me lately. Epiphanies are very personal. A mind-blowing epiphany for me might not mean quite the same to another. The epiphany I got from Jordan Peterson is that life is suffering. Life is not meant to be easy but that’s what gives life purpose. Waking up in the morning is a hustle sometimes. I would just like to snooze and sleep in. But sleeping in all day would make me feel worse. I would feel non productive and a wasted day. Don;t get me wrong; taking breaks is important. I’m speaking more of if I quit my job and I could sleep in everyday, that would get old very quickly and I would want to be productive again. Life is suffering and that suffering is what gives life meaning. Responsibility gives life meaning. Once Jordan Peterson uttered this words, it hit me hard like a brick. I have seen where people retire but they do not feel fulfilled just staying at home all day doing nothing thus they go back to the work force or they embark on a new project. I say this because I was seeking my happiness. I did not want to do the conventional jobs so in 2018, I had the luxury of not needing to work for six months. While I did a lot of nothing- sleeping in, watching youtube, occasionally read a book, that life was not fulfilling either. I have heard of people who do not need to work but they do not know what else to do with their time so they go back to the work force. Bottom line is life is suffering, we do things that we do not want to do but we must because the alternative is not happiness either. Lazying around all day actually leads to adapting bad habits to distract from boredom. People might start taking up alcoholism, gambling, drugs, smoking, binge watching T.V all day on the couch eating junk food due to boredom which lead to a worse life and unhappiness. Thus I have learned, when I do not feel like getting up to go to work, get up anyways because the alternative is not better. Thank you Jordan Perterson! Brian Muhu February 29, 2020 5:40 a.m Powerful stuff here! I couldn’t agree more, just like the ying and yang symbol is trying to express…. There is no one, without its opposite..balance… This is the nature of existence… Time… The universe……. The mind…..and of course Humanity… Happiness grows out of suffering and vice versa..it is an endless loop until you learn what it is….then… You wake up from your slumber…. It is always your decision to wake up….. But you wount know that until you make it.. …..#zenmode.. Lol Online Dating February 29, 2020 Aaaaahh online dating. The Big Boogie man! I’ve had about five years experience, on and off, of online dating. It started with the first boogie man, Tinder! Nothing of meaning came out of it. Some hookups, some long term hookups, but it ended up in heartbreak most of the time. I believe I did try match.com when it was free, but still nothing came to fruition. And now I have been on hinge for about a year now. Out of them all, I like Hinge the best, but I am finding that I am having the same problem finding someone to settle down with. So what’s the problem? I have come to the conclusion that is both me and the online platform. It’s a very shallow way to meet a person. It is not a human being you are speaking to, it’s just a virtual profile, so you feel no tie to it. It is very easy to flake on people because they are not really people to you. Also, I think we are addicted to the novelty of meeting a new person. The thought that maybe the next person might be the one. Sounds very much like a gambler’s mentality. Online, we are looking for this one unicorn that will fit our every desire, but that person does not exist. The online platform is all an illusion. I have also realized that the more you online date, the more you get pulled into this cycle and the more you remain single and keep staying on this wheel. You like the excitement of meeting a new person every week and that excitement keeps you going. Again the thought each time is maybe this could be the one. The more you’re on this wheel, the less likely you are to pair-bond or stick it though with one person and their flaws because you can easily write him off and find a new one online. The tenacity to stick it through with one person, through their flaws, is not there anymore. I can always go online instantly and find someone to go on a fabulous, exciting date the next day. It’s the age of instant gratification. I am not condemning online dating platforms as if I’m an angel in all this. I’m complicit in this, and I am a part of perpetuating this online culture. All in all, I am not against online dating. I still do believe you could meet someone meaningful on there, but the culture has made it where we are looking for perfection and if you are not it, I can quickly and easily move on to the next. Brian Muhu March 26, 2020 5:42a.m Wordd! I think we are unaware of how much the ideals of society are constantly driving our so called personal desires, after all society is purely the collection of individual minds in action…. We can recognize the damaging desires of others in society but can not see it in ourselves… As if we as the individuals are any diffrent from society….we have become empty individuals….strongly.. craving…fullfilment… From an empty society….that we created from our inherent emptyness…..too deeply entangled to realize.. That the origin… Of this chaos Is the emptiness inside the individual…. Books I have Read April 22, 2020 A Game of Thrones A Clash of Kings Storm of Swords Sharp Objects Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine Dark Places Big Little Lies The Husband’s Secret Nectar in a Sieve The Great Gatsby To Kill a Mocking Bird The Crucible Pride and Prejudice Their Eyes were Watching God Catcher in the Rye Misadventures of an Awkard Black Girl Milk and Honey The Three Musketeers Sweet Valley Twins, High, University (25 total) Homegoing Americanah The Bible The Hunger Games Catching Fire Mockingjay I am Number Four Divergent Outlander Unwind The Grown Up Honor by Elif Shafak Bird Box The Good Girl The Girl on the Train In the Woods by Tana French Outlander Jordan Peterson Again… May 20, 2020 I know you may be asking yourself, again?…Yes, I love this guy. I love his mind. I love how he can articulate his ideas and opinions so well and easy for a third grader to understand. I love how he weaves anecdotes throughout his speech to make his point more understandable and relatable. When asked about religion, he uses mythology, comic books, fables and tales, Marvel superheroes and other religions to explain God, or the idea of God. What I got from listening to him today for two hours is that God is neither he or she but really the transcendent of anything we don’t know of. The things we do not understand and are above our capacity to understand, that is God. Again, he reiterated his most prominent phrase to me that life is suffering. Life is not easy and neither is it meant to be easy. He talked about the current state of political correctness and the herd mentality. There are no diversity of ideas. Anyone who is right wing or does not agree with the liberals is said to be misogynistic, patriarchal and all other derogatory terms. I understood what he meant because I do not think I consider myself fully any side. Why should there be a label to what I think. I lie somewhere in the middle. I also do understand what Kanye West is trying to do or the point he is trying to make by aligning himself with Donald Trump. Why can’t he be allowed to choose Trump. As if all black people must be Democrats or liberals. If you happen to agree with Kanye, then you get ostracized by your peers for pandering to the white man. I just believe that anyone should be allowed to voice their opinions and thoughts without everyone scrutinizing you for thinking that way. One thing Jordan Perterson said is that the leaning left has been happening slowly by slowly since the 1960’s or 70’s. We have been slowly leaning left for years to amalgamate to the liberal cess pool we have today. I do not claim to have a solution but we do need more brave people to be outspoken and speak on this political correctness. In a way, it’s censorship of speech. If it is not hate speech, then people should be allowed to voice their opinion without abhorrent scrutiny from others. Just my two cents. It was a great podcast on the Joe Rogan experience and those two hours of listening to them flew by! Brian Muhu May 20, 2020 5:30a.m I also like the way Jordan P. Can weave together various types of concepts into one movement..to give us a glimpse of Gods energy.. Phone Conversation I know this is sad but this may be our third or fourth conversation on the phone. It has been about five months of us dating but he has gone ghost on me on this past month. Not in a bad way though. He has been really busy-- see he is an entrepreneur. The first week of his busy schedule was not bad. He has a pattern of contacting me via text every other day to check up on me and I appreciated that. I am not much of a phone talker anyways. Well, that's what I thought but its more of a comfort thing. If I feel completely comfortable around you, then I can talk on the phone endlessly. We are not there yet, but we are definitely getting there. This conversation proved that. We haven't physically seen each other in over two weeks now. I thought it would be an awkward phone conversation but it wasn't at all. I guess by now we have created enough rapport to know we are get along easily; in conversation especially. So I will reiterate each part of our conversation just because I feel giddy about it at the moment and why not write about it. It's Thanksgiving. I haven't heard from him in two days. The last text I sent he has not replied to it. I now feel some type of way about it. So I text him "Happy Turkey Day. Have a great day!" (I texted an emoji of turkey instead of typing the word turkey.) He texts back almost immediately saying "Happy Thanksgiving! What are you up to?" I had not picked up my phone to read the text since I was so engrossed with cleaning my closet mirror. Some ten minutes must have passed and I get a phone call. It's him. "Good Boy" I think to myself. "How dare you just send a text back and no phone call in almost three weeks!" Anyways, I am excited to hear from him. "Hello" I say. "Happy Thanksgiving. How are you? I figured I call and wish you Happy Thanksgiving, I know it's been so long. Been busy with work. What are you up to today?" "Happy Thanksgiving! I'm cleaning and cooking then I'm going to my cousin's house in Antioch." "Nice, you just got back from L.A, you must be funky fresh from L.A!" "L.A was great. I had a great, great time. We had an impromptu pre-Thanksgiving dinner with the family. We were doing cartwheels, moving sofas and furniture, doing cartwheel until the neighbors called the cops on us!" "Did you do cartwheels?" "No, I was the videographer." "Come on,your Mom is doing cartwheels and you don't?" "See they were at some point in their lives able to do cartwheels. I've never at any point been able to do a cartwheel." "ok, now let me ask you this, what initiated you guys to start doing cartwheels? "My uncle was giving a story about how my aunt as a little girl used to do cartwheels in the courtyard with a dress on and he said she did that to show off but my aunt answered that the boys would do it so she wanted to to do what the boys did. I then asked my aunt if she can still do a cartwheel and she said no she' too old she would break a bone. My cousin then said she could and her nine year old son challenged her so we started moving sofas and furniture so people can show off their skills." Ok, so do you want to meet up this weekend?" "Yeah, sounds good" "Maybe Sunday? What do you want to do? Go see a movie?" "Yes, there's this movie Knives Out that I really want to see." "What is it about?" "It's a Who-done-it type of movie about a British family and someone died and they are trying to figure out who in the family killed him. It's getting really great reviews like the best movie of the year!" "Oh, wow. A movie I really want to see is Queen and Slim, have you heard of it? "Yes" "Do you want to see that?" "Aaaaahh yea sure." "The older I get I just want to see black people in movies." "I know what you mean. When I saw the trailer I loved seeing all that black, beautiful skin on the screen. I was really enthusiastic when the trailer came out and I had high hopes for it but I listened to this black reviewer who said the first half is ok and the second half it picks up and is enjoyable. So my enthusiasm got dampened after that. It was disappointment." "These reviewers are just trying to make a name for themselves by being controversial." "He's a black reviewer so I thought I could trust him." "You know what white people say about that Kanye song "Nobody knows what it means, but it's provocative." "Hahahahahahahah, yeah I know the song you're talking about." "These black reviewers are usually comparing it to a Martin Scorsese movie." "Exactly." "Which most black movies are trash compared to a Scorsese movie." "Unless, it's Black Panther II, you know black people would never talk bad about Beyonce or black panther." "Hahaha that is so true. You know yesterday, I follow this comedian on youtube and he had a video with the title "One thing about Beyonce that no one likes to talk about" so I clicked and he talks about Beyonce for about 30 seconds then starts selling his merchandise like go to my website and buy my merchandise. It worked though because I clicked because who is bold enough to talk bad about Beyonce. People in the comments we saying "Click-bait, but I aint mad at you." "Hahaha exactly, he's hustling" "Right, can't be mad at that." "What movie theater?" "I usually like and go to the movie theatre in Emeryville." "Is that the one at the shopping center?" "Yes, the open shopping center." "Is that the one you have to pay for parking?" "Uumm" "I'm asking because I do not remember." "Yes, there's a parking structure." "Ok I will look for times around 5 p.m and I will text you. I pick the movie and you pick the theater. That's called 50/50." "That's what you call compromise." "Ok yea seems like you have been really busy." "Yes, I have two calling centers and a sales person. I'm trying a new strategy--a calling center in the Philippines and another in the Caribbean. It's working out and getting results. It's funny because I get to compare results of the calling center with the sales person." "Puts pressure on the sales person too. It's good research data." "Yes, it's crazy strategy, but it's working." "Good, I'm glad it's working out and you're getting the results you want. Hustle, do you, as long you're getting results and not doing anything illegal. "Ok Happy Thanksgiving."
