THE ELEMENTS, SCOPE, NATURE, AND
PURPOSE OF COUNSELING
WHAT IS COUNSELING?
By Williamson:
• Defines as means of helping people to learn
how to solve their own problems.
By Patterson:
• Is a helping relationship which includes:
1. Someone seeking help (the client)
2. Someone willing to give help (the
therapist)
3. Who is capable of or trained to give help
4. In a setting which permits help to be
given and received.
4 THINGS TO CONSIDER
COUNSELING PROCESS
1. Client
2. Therapist
3. Capability
4. Environment
IN
THE
COUNSELING is the core, the most vital and
intimate part of the entire guidance program. It is
defined better by telling first what is not:
2. To have a realistic and good perception
• One of the main goals in counseling is for
the person to develop new insights that are
realistic, and he knows available at hand.
• The client wants to have a realistic and good
perception through the help of a counselor
3. To articulate new insights
• The measure of counseling effectiveness is
on how new insights are being elicited and
applied for a solution of the problem and
life's adjustment.
• Guiding and helping clients help them to
articulate new insights to make their life
better.
SCOPE OF COUNSELING
1. Educational: as a person enters school, he/she
needs to make decisions.
Example: Where do you want to study?
2. Vocational: properly channeling to the right
course and profession.
Example: What course do you want to take?
3. Social: appropriateness of recreation and
relationship with oneself and others.
1. Counseling is not lecturing.
2. Counseling is not giving advice.
- A counselor doesn’t tell their clients
what to do. Some advice is part of the
counseling, but counseling is not giving
advice because it is judgmental in
nature.
3. Counseling is not just teaching.
4. Counseling does not resort to compulsion.
- Counselor doesn’t need to force clients
to come. Clients should come
voluntarily.
4. Personal: brought about by personal problems.
After the counselling process he commits himself
resolutions he will make.
Process of self-discovery and growth, boost
confidence and create good relationship to others.
5. Moral: theological basis of counselling Is to
make man happy here and in the life after. Man
can’t contain happiness unless he maintains a moral
life. To be moral is to live his life according to the
gospel values (Preservation of dignity) make in the
image of God.
6.Marital: for married people and our neighbors.
Marriage Counseling.
ELEMENTS OF COUNSELING
A. Needs of the client
1. To be heard
• A person with problems needs someone to
listen to what sharing he has. For him, to be
heard is to be understood. It is for
understanding the problem that he is helped.
Rapport and good relationships are
established in a conducive environment.
• Listening to the client is already some help
for him or her.
NATURE OF COUNSELING
1. Counseling is both unique and predictable.
• Unique - one rarely can anticipate the kinds
of problem and the concerns that the client
will present
Individuals are unique
Have to treat individual as a unique being
• Predictable - problems and concerns are
widely shared by the people
There are times that clients have difficulty
expressing their thoughts and feelings; there
are specific things a counselor can do to
make it easier for the client to express such
feelings. Thus, if a counselor is able to
recognize and respond to the subtle use by
the client, the counselor soon has the clients
talking his feelings.
2. Counseling can be individual or group
• Individual counseling – there is only one
client
• Group counseling – multiple clients or
multiple counselors. At least 5 clients and as
high as 15 clients
BENEFITS
Individual
 Ensures confidentiality
 Makes it easier to identify and address
individual problems
 It motivates a client to participate
Group
 Opportunities for developing social skills
occur naturally during this kind of group
counseling
 they are encouraged to talk and share their
feelings to others because they know that
they have similar concerns.
 Students from that who might feel different
from their peers began to recognize that
other student have similar problems,
concerns and issues
3. Counseling is a process of deliberation and
decision
• Counselor information is shaped to the
client when it is unavoidable
• If the concern is a court-case
• Generally, the disclosure of personal
counselor information to clients was
accidental, unavoidable and a client initiated
is thought to blur the boundaries of the
counselor-client
relationship
and
to
minimize wherever possible. Therefore,
deliberate counselor to disclose personal
information is something the counselor
should think.
• Disclosing personal information should have
the consent of the client.
• When somebody has a plan to harm his life
then it is right to open to those people
closest to the life of client.
4. Counseling is both responding to the feelings
and thoughts of the counselee.
• The counselor deal with both attitudes and
behavior of the client
•
Existing theoretical approaches differ with
respect to emphasis and order of
responsiveness to the feelings and behavior
➢ Approaches – client centered
- Existential
- Favor on the emphasis of feelings
➢ Others like Rational emotive- Reality
behavior emphasized the importance of
behavior and actions
•
•
When we respond to both feelings and
thoughts, we must use eclectic counseling
model. It also uses reflection.
We have to use accurately and describe the
client affective state of verbal of non-verbal
cues by listening for and responding to the
feelings of the client rather than the content
you are to communicate that you are
accurately sensing their worth and they are
perceiving it.
Talking quickly – enthusiastic
Talking slowly – discourage
•
When a counselor uses reflection, she/he
accurately describes the client active state
from either verbal or nonverbal cue. So, by
listening and responding to the feelings of
the client rather than the content of their
statement, you are communicating that you
can accurately sense the world as they
perceive it (putting your feet onto their
shoes). This facilitates toward selfawareness and self-understanding.
5. Confidentiality and privacy contribute
essential ingredients in the counseling process.
• Physical facilities are also important
• No one outside the counseling room is given
any information
• Privacy is a safe place for clients to share
their feelings
Counselor must break confidentiality if:
- When client possess imminent danger to
itself, and to others.
- When the counselor suspects child, elder, or
defendant adult abuse
6. Counseling is voluntary.
• It should not be forced
• It is not effective when it is something that
the client is required to do.
7. The mode of interaction is usually limited to
the verbal realm; the counselor and counselee
talk with one another.
• Counselor talks about themselves, thoughts,
feelings, and action.
• The client should tell them the concern
• Both think, talk, and share their ideas so if
someone is talking, listen. But remember
that the counselee has more chance of
talking because she or he is the one who has
concerns.
8. The interaction is relatively prolonged since
alteration of behavior takes time.
• In contrast, a brief conversation with friend
• Distortions or unconscious desires are
usually maintained, and usually only
temporary relief is gained, counseling has its
own goal, the change of behavior
• It is assumed that through the counseling
interaction the counselee will in time revise
its distortions and alter its behaviors
9. The purpose of the relationship is change of
behavior of the counselee.
• Counselor focuses the interaction upon the
counselee; the counselee need not to be
concerned about the happiness of the
counselor but must devote their energies
changing themselves.
PURPOSES OF COUNSELING
1. To give the student information on matters
important to his adjustments
• To monitor students’ development and
according to their needs, they have to make
intervention programs.
• To help them solve their own problems to
make realistic decisions, to improve abilities
and skills and to adjust themselves in their
environment.
Students come for counseling for a
FEEDBACK. In psychological testing, counselors
do Feedbacking of the result of the test because test
results are useless without being utilize for the
growth and development of a certain client.
Giving feedback to clients will enable them to
understand and improve themselves. If they know
their test results, if they know what’s happening
with them, they will know on how to adjust, they
could have more creative ways when they recognize
competence and they also more often define and
can solve their own problems.
2. To get information about the student which
will be of help to him in solving his problems
• The individual or the client only assisted by
the counselor to find solution for the
problem.
• By the use of good questioning on the part
of the counselor the client is directed to get
the ultimate decision to his or her concern.
3. To establish a feeling of mutual understanding
between the counselee and counselor
• The relationship between counselor and the
client is based on a one-sided discussion it is
the counselor’s job to actively listen and
gently challenge the client.
• It is also the responsibility of the counselor
to establish rapport to the client based on
trust, respect, and mutual purpose
The counselor and the counselee should have a
therapeutic relationship that is important to the
holistic process of the counseling. Having a good
relationship between the counselor and the
counselee will help the client to build confidence,
the reassurance and openness and honesty to both.
The therapeutic relationship will also ensure ethical,
legal, and professional processes. There should be a
reciprocal trust between the counselor and the
counselee.
4. To help the counselee work out a plan
resolving his difficulties.
• The counseling process will not let the client
plan how to resolve conflict
If there is a necessity to make an intervention
program for the counselee, we have to take note that
the intervention program should be done both by
the counselee and the counselor. There is a need to
monitor the progress of the counselee based on the
program made. Even if there is no plan, it is also the
responsibility of the counselor to know the progress
of the client, thereby we can say that monitoring is
working in the success of becoming the best person
he would like to be.
5. To help the counselee know himself better, his
interests, abilities, aptitudes, and available
opportunities
6. Achievement of positive mental health
7. Decision making
GOALS OF COUNSELING
1. Enhancing coping skills.
• Any inconsistencies in the development can
result in behavior patterns that are both
inefficient and ineffective.
• What shall we do? We must give them what
is necessary to enhance their coping skills.
• whatever the inconsistencies, we must cope.
2. Improving relationships
• Many clients tend to have major problems
relating to others due to poor self-image.
• Inadequate social skills caused individuals
to act defensively in relationships. So
typical social difficulties can be observed in
families, marital and peer group interaction.
• Develop more interpersonal relationship
Example: When a child can see that her parents are
fighting, it caused trauma to them that they can’t
establish relationship with their friends in school.
The counselor would strive to help the client
improve the quality of their lives by developing
more effective interpersonal relationships.
How to develop effective interpersonal skills? You
expose the child to more activities like team
building, groupings, etc. – you immerse an
individual to a group and then give him or her the
responsibility or role to do in that kind of group
(IMMERSION)
3. Facilitating client potential
• Counselling seeks to maximize an
individual’s freedom by giving him/her
control over their environment while
analyzing responsiveness and reaction to the
environment.
• Counselors will work to help people learn
how to overcome their problems.
• We don’t underestimate our client of what
they can do because if they are just only
given the right path and the right direction,
they can better themselves. All the clients
have potential and counselors are there to
facilitate them.
4. Facilitating behavior change
• The goal of counseling is to bring about
change in behavior that will enable the client
to be more productive s they define their life
within society’s limitation.
• Counseling is for behavior change.
BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION PROCESS:
make it a point that they removed the undesirable
behavior, and the desirable behavior is considered.
5. Promoting decision making
• It enables an individual to make critical
decisions regarding alternative courses of
action without outside influence (parents,
peers, teachers, etc.).
• Counseling will help individuals obtain
information and to clarify emotional
concerns that may interfere with or related
to the decisions involved.
• These individuals will acquire an
understanding of their abilities and interest.
• Let the counselee decide for themselves: let
them be independent and be themselves.
ETHICAL STANDARDS IN COUNSELING
Code of Ethics of the Philippine Guidance
and Counseling Association (PGCA) This Code
of Ethics is being published by PGCA. In here, we
can see the set of ethical guidelines that promote
respect, dignity, and treatment between the context
of the counselor and the client relationship. It can
assist professionals who are face with ethical
dilemmas in counseling by offering a different set
of protocols to help guide the course of action.
“Bible of the counselors”
1. Counselors concern is always the welfare of
the client.
• Counselors must keep the welfare of the
client and established boundaries that also
make the client-counselor relationship clear.
• Client needs to understand the counseling
process and had clearly established
counseling goals.
• We always say that our priority in
counseling is the client’s goodness and
welfare.
• Establish boundaries between the client and
counselor
• Records should be safeguarded
• Maintain professional relationship between
client and counselor
2. The counselor should be competent enough to
serve the client. He/she should have the
necessary skills and training.
• This is the reason why counselors are
attending seminars, they are updating
themselves (about the new counseling
trends), and they are maintaining points for
the renewal of their license because this is
necessary for counselors. They cannot do
counseling without renewing their license.
3. The confidentiality of the cases should always
be observed. Cases on suicide, crimes committed,
addiction and anything that pertains to threat to
life and health may violate confidentiality policy
(CONFIDENTIALITY AND PRIVACY)
• Trust is the cornerstone of the counseling
relationship and counselors are responsible
for maintaining a trustful way partnership.
• Essential information that would be reveal
to other parties or outside the parties, for
example the parents or agency, that he/she is
connected with.
• Counselors are required to disclose client
behaviors that indicate the potential for selfharm or harm to others.
4. There should be a record or file for every
client and every significant things said in the
counseling sessions or every important datum
like test results should be recorded.
• It should be placed a confidential area so
that in times that the counselee is coming
back to you, you will have to go back to
what you have written or to what you have
talked during the last session.
• It is also important that practitioners can
only use the information of the client for the
purpose which it is recorded so t is not being
distributed to anyone. If the purpose is for
observation, then it is only for observation.
• There is also process of disclosure, in case
the court needs, we will ask the court to
write a letter and it will be discussed to the
client.
• Practitioners informed their client with
appropriate nature and purpose of the course
to be taken.
• Practitioners may also charge a reasonable
fee for revealing and reproduction of
records.
• Practitioners do not withhold records that
are needed for valid health care purposes
solely because the client is not paying for
prior services.
• Practitioners keep client records: identifying
data of the client, the referral information,
dates, and type of services. For private
clinics, you should have to discuss the fees;
details of services provided (intake
assessment, details of the psychotherapy
contract, intervention programs, the
consultation
notes,
reports,
and
psychometric testing results).
QUESTIONS
How does counseling help?
Counseling helps in learning new skills and
better ways to cope; to understand what you are
experiencing; to learn new ways of looking at what
is happening to you; to solve problems and make
decisions; and to learn about strengths and how to
use them properly.
Why do people come for counseling?
When facing a life challenging event;
feeling depressed and isolation; low self-esteem;
anxiety; when they cannot fully understand
themselves, etc.
Counseling and disability
People with disability sometimes may have
experienced more stressful things than people
without disability.
Examples: when someone can’t communicate their
needs and wants; they are not being understood;
having few friends; not having much to do/given
less task to do; they cannot control their feelings;
being discriminated; unhappy life experiences; not
feeling well; money problems; frustrations
8 COMMANDMENTS IN COUNSELING
There are 8 important rules to put in our
mind during counseling. We call this
commandment not because they cannot be broken
but because they apply some consistently across so
many counseling situations in which you will find
yourself later on.
1. Be nonjudgmental
• Basic effective in counseling (we should not
judge our clients)
• As a counselor if you undoubtedly be
exposed to a problem and situations that is
foreign to you or to your experience or your
own lifestyle, you find yourself thinking
like, “This person is really strange”, “This
person is weird”, “If I were this person, I
would do this or that”
• It is important to remember however that
you are not the person, and what would you
do of you were the person is not particularly
relevant. If you are not the person, you don’t
know what the problem is all about, you
cannot tell or so what is the person is
thinking about on the problem, stick with
the listening and counseling skills. If you are
the counselor, stick to it, DO NOT JUDGE
THE PERSON.
• Helping the counselee to clarify and perhaps
solve his/her problems, these are the things
you should do, LISTEN AND COUNSEL
THE CLIENT. Do not try to size the person
up or diagnose him/her or compare person’s
problem to your own or to other people.
Example:
“I had this problem, everytime I am on a date, I get
very NERVOUS and say stupid things.”
(Judgmental Response): It sounds to me that you
have no particular experience in sexual matters.
(Nonjudgmental Response): How does it feel to be
nervous?
“I found that I am attracted to other male.” (Male)
(JR): So you have latent homosexual tendencies,
that is really strange, although I am imagining it’s
quit common.
(NR): Tell me more about your feelings toward
other men.
***If you are not comfortable in the situation, you
can also say, “This is a situation I am not entirely
comfortable with talking about it, could I find
different counselor for you?”
2. Be emphatic (Not a Brick Wall)
• No matter what the training is, orientation
is, or less experienced, they are more
effective counselor from those who are not
emphatic at all.
• By empathy, we mean the ability to see the
problem from the counselee’s POV and
accordingly be warm and supportive.
• The understanding about the person from
the person’s frame of reference. (Putting you
own feet onto the shoes of the counselee)
• Empathetic counselor – seeing the problem
from the counselee’s pov. Minimal
encourager: smile, nod, uh-huh, maintaining
eye contact
• Adapting a counseling style but suits the
counselee, like putting the counselee in a
light situation.
• The worst approach to a counselee is to be a
brick wall. To let your clients, express their
all their kinds of feelings and talks about
without you showing any kind of response
at all. This kind of style is getting your
client into a situation to even feel that they
are having the problem, they are not being
encouraged.
• When they cry a pail, as a counselor, do not
cry in drum
3. Don’t give personal advice
• Speaking to a friend and offering an opinion
in the form of advice about how he/she
could do about his/her problem
•
We are often content to give advice to a
counselee but in this case, it is important to
refrain from doing so, because this is
counseling.
• No matter how empathetic you may feel, we
do not have the same thoughts, feelings and
experiences as our counselee, as a result,
advice coming from our own experience
with situation similar to our counselee is
generally inappropriate. Advising during
counseling session usually leads to the
unproductive exchange (yes-but phrase)
Example:
“My roommate disturbs me in studying in having
his stereo too loud”
“Well, have you tried talking to him/her?”
“Yes but it doesn’t seem to work”
“How about telling his girlfriend?”
“Yeah but she would be in his side”
“Have you tried putting a sign on the door that says
‘No loud music over 10 pm’?”
“Yes but….”
**giving advice should not be confused by
providing information.
• Often the counselor has access of vast
information about community resources,
gentle health services, and agencies support
groups process in the right and one of the
important functions of counselor is to
dispense such information. Information
should be passed along in a tentative but
straight forward way does not cloak in
advice.
Example:
They have received information about self help
groups for weight control, would you like me to
send you a brochure? (Good advice)
Have you thought about joining weight watchers, I
could send you their brochure. (Bad advice)
***Personal advice – you would have to know if
they would like it or not and it is up to them.
Giving advice may lead the counselee on being
dependent on you since you are giving him the
solutions (options) in his problems.
4. Don’t ask questions that begins with “WHY”
• Generally, they have found that why
questions put counselees on the defense,
they may feel that they are being
interrogated. Explanation is being demanded
rather than simply being asked. It easy to
rephrase why questions into less demanding
language and we encourage counselors to do
whenever possible.
Example:
Situation 1
“How are you feeling?”
“Sort of depress”
“Why are you feeling depress?
“Because my wife left me”
“Why did your wife left you?”
“How the hell should I know? She’s a bitch I
guess!”
“Why do you think your wife is a bitch?”
“Look stop playing with me. You are the doctor,
why don’t you answer your damn questions!”
Situation 2
“How are you feeling today?”
“Sort of depress”
“What do you mean by depress?
“Yeah, ever since my wife left me, I feel down that
I can’t eat, I can’t sleep”
“Tell me more about that”
“Well, 6 months ago, my wife and I had a fight
about finances….”
When you always ask why, your counselee will
bombarded with question why, mapipiga sya
masusuya sya
5. Don’t take responsibility for the other
person’s problem
• As counselor, we must ask ourselves
frequently, “How can I be most helpful in
the situation of my counselee?”
• So, counselors often make the mistake og
equating helpfulness with assuming taking
responsibilities for the welfare of the
counselee. It is important to remember that
the client comes to you with his/her problem
looking for help in solving that problem by
using the skills presented, not to take
responsibilities for others’ problems, it will
be very easy to help the counselee.
• You have to take into considerations that is
his problem not yours
• Your responsibility as a counselor is to
provide as empathetic and supportive
counseling environment as possible and to
help the other person deal with the thoughts
and feelings he/she might be having
regarding the problem at hand.
6. Don’t Interpret
• Interpretation occurs when you go beyond
the information given and infer something
about the counselee
Example:
Situation 1
“I have this problem with my mother, I feel guilty
about asking her to give me favour”
“Sounds like you have unresolved feelings toward
your mother”
“Well, I don’t know,”
“It seems that your dealt might be a projection of
some kind, are you jealous of your father?”
“No! What are you driving at anyway?”
“Just a hunch. What kinds of dreams did you have
as a boy?”
Situation 2
“I have this problem with my mother, I feel guilty
about asking her to do me favour”
“You have guilt feelings when dealing with your
mother?”
“Yes! I can’t seem to ask her for anything without
feeling terrible.”
(Silence)
“Well, I feel ashamed and anxious, I get nervous
and di maka-galaw, I can’t even ask her to pick up a
speaker for me on her way home from work”
7. Stick with the here and now
• It is not particularly useful to spend a lot of
amounts of time knowing about the person’s
early childhood experiences or discussing
individuals who are not part of the problem
• Instead, it is most productive if the
counseling situation is set in the present and
the counselee is the focus of attention.
• Times needed to leave the here and now; It
8s often useful during problem solving to
have the counselee fantasized about the
consequences about the alternatives, or
when dealing with feelings you would want
to find out the history of these feelings. (Not
the concern of the client, we need to get
back to here and now)
8. Deal with the feelings
• Always the first thing
• Sometimes the emotional reaction is
associated with every situation (elicit)
• Clarifications and the rational feelings
before moving on to the cognitive matters
• After the counselee express/said his problem
– “How does it make you feel to be in that
situation?”
• Often the counseling session will involve a
little more than the expression and
clarification of feelings.
• Since problems always need to be solved,
counselor place a most important role in
creating a safe context for the free
expression of the emotions – “You are safe
with me.”
BECOMING
OF
AN
EFFECTIVE
COUNSELOR
1. Listening Skills
• 50 percent of counseling
• A means of support or helping another
person to explore what is his thinking and
feeling (clarify)
1st Skill: Nonverbal and minimum verbal
attending behavior
- Nonverbal attending skills are the
foundation on which all other skills are
based
- The art of listening with your mouth closed
- Makes you effective and empathetic listener
Nonverbal Attending
A. Eye contact (look at the person most at the
time, do not stare or catch his eyes)
B. Body posture (be comfortable, relaxed,
lean forward slightly – interested, be aware
of personal distance, avoid distracting
posture)
C. Facial Expressions (don’t be a brick wall,
no reaction at all, show teary eyed if ever)
D. Head Nodding (approving, listening)
E. Following the Counselee’s Lead (don’t
interrupt, don’t change the topic/subject,
don’t share your experiences)
Summary
Open Question is one that
- can’t be answered by one or two words
- usually starts with “hows” and “whats”
- digs deeper feelings and ideas
2nd Skill: The Open Question
a. Open questions are questions that
encourage a person to talk without feeling
defensive
b. Closed questions are the kind asked by a
census taker, a doctor, a lawyer, or a parent
(answerable only by yes/no)
4. Problem Solving
- “What opinions do you have?”
- “How do you feel about each of the option?”
- “What’s the best that could happen?”
Concentrate on what we call the open invitation
to talk. Using closed questions is like cutting down
conversation
Open questions are phrase for the purpose of
exploration. It allows the client to direct the flow of
conversation, to bring up more data and deal with it
in more attempt
Example:
Internal Mode
“How are you today?”
“I’m feeling kind a down, like everything is going
wrong. I am not much fun to be with…”
External Mode
“How are you today?”
“I’d be okay if it weren’t for the people at my house.
They get on my nerves and make me feel like
climbing the wall.”
Closed Question is one that
- can be answered by yes/no or by one word
- starts with “is”, “do” “have”, etc
- discourages the person from talking and
slows the flow of conversation
Uses of Open Questions
1. Beginning a conversation
- “What would you like to talk about?”
- “What’s going on with you?”
2. Clarifying and Elaborating
- “How is this a problem for you?”
- “What do you mean by _____?”
- “What is it about the situation that bothers
you?”
3. Working with Feelings
- “How do you feel about that?”
- “How do you feel right now?”
- “What would you like to say to him?”
DON’T
- Ask questions to satisfy your own curiosity
- Ask why
- Ask long complicated questions
- Give advise in a question
DO
-
Keep questions clear and simple
Keep questions in the here and now and
with the person
3rd Skill: Paraphrasing (Reinstatement)
Paraphrase
• is a brief, tentative statement the reflects the
essence of what the person has just said.
3 Main Function
1. A paraphrase acts as a perception check, to
verify that you understood what the other
person has said
2. A paraphrase may clarify what the
counselee has said.
3. A good paraphrase can demonstrate that you
have accurate empathy
*” In other words…?”, “I heard you saying…?”,
“Are you telling that…?”
Summary
1. A GOOD Paraphrase
- captures the essence of what the person said.
2. coveys the same meaning, but usually uses
different words.
3. is brief.
4. is clear and concise.
5. is tentative.
Reasons for using paraphrase
1. To check perceptions
2. To clarify what the person has said
3. To give accurate empathy
DO
-
-
Keep it brief and keep it tentative
Use standard opening like:
• “Let me see if I’ve got it right…”
• “Sounds like…”
• “I think I hear you saying…”
• “So in other words…”
End by asking, “… is that right?”
4th Skills: Working with Feelings
Difficult for 2 reasons:
• People are taught not to discuss feelings
openly and we know that feelings are too
private and too embarrassing or powerful to
deal directly
• As a result of the private feelings, people
have to think if they have connection with
what they say and what they feel may not be
congruent
with
what
he/she
is
communicating nonverbally and verbally
(reflection of feelings). It is often kind of
reflection of feelings can be a quite useful
since it gives the counselee permission to
own the feelings (validation – emotional and
cognitive expression)
• He/she is communicating nonverbally is
more directly a reflection of feelings,
therefore when working with feelings, we
have to take the point that it is an unlimited
experience
• Stick to more specific, simple, and
expressive words (sensitive area – feelings)
• Refrain the counselee from defensive side
I feel happy… (genuine reflection of feelings)
I feel that today is going to be a happy day …
(cognitive expression)
Four Basic Steps in Working with Feelings
1. Identifying the feelings
• 3 ways to discover what someone is feeling
A. Ask Feelings Questions
- it is more effective to substitute what
emotions do you feel in relations to what
you feel
- Try to help the counselee stick to the here
and now, talking about the feelings in the
present tends to turn into a more realistic
feeling.
- It is essential that you get feelings from the
answers rather than the thought of your
client.
Example
Counselor: How do you feel about that?
Counselee: Well, I feel like I should be angry at
her.
Counselor: So, you think you should be mad at her,
but how do you actually feel? What emotion or
emotions are you expressing?
Counselee: I’m pissed-off at her and frustrated that
I haven’t told her
B. Paraphrase spoken feelings
- Tends to clarify for the person what feeling
he/she is expressing
Example
Example:
Counselee: I got angry when my sister came to
visit for the holiday and all she does is complain.
Counselor: So you’re feeling angry, is that right?
C. Reflection of feelings
- One of the most effective methods for
bringing feelings also one of the trickiest
and most easily abused.
- Slightly misleading somehow because the
person’s nonverbal expression of feelings is
not reflecting
- A client’s face and body is tensed
“You seem to be angry....” (express a feeling but is
an interpretation
“Example:
Counselor: You seem to be angry...
Counselor: You seem to be very tense...
2. Defining and clarifying the feelings
• Once you elicited the feelings such as, “I
accept…”, “I’m angry…” it is important to
find out what it means to the person
Good questions for defining and clarifying
feelings are:
- “What does being mad mean to you?
- “What is being nervous like for you?”
- “How does that feel physically?”
- “What other ways would you use to describe
what you've feeling?”
Example:
Counselee: I feel depressed
Counselor:
How do you experience that
depression?
Counselee: It’s like a numbness, a not wanting to
do anything. Yes, I feel like there are all these
feelings inside me and yet I can’t really feel them.
Counselor: (Stays silent)
Counselee: You know, it just feels so numb.
Counselor: Could you describe the numbness?
Counselee: It feels like there’s a void within me.
It’s empty, yes, it’s not...it’s full of feelings... but
they are danger. They need to be kept under control.
Counselor: What are those dangerous feelings?
3. Acknowledging the feelings
• To be effectively deal with feelings, a
person must acknowledge and tale
responsibility for those feelings.
• Many people want to place their feelings
outside of themselves, saying things such as,
“It makes me feel…” or “He made me
feel…” although these feelings maybe stated
with external events like, they are out there,
they are within the person
Compare these statements:
"You made me angry when you slept with Jayden."
(Blamed a person why she was feeling angry –
causation)
VS
"I felt angry when you slept with Jayden." (Own her
feelings – correlation)
Example:
Counselee: You know, when you’re working at a
job you don’t just can’t find any energy for other
things. You bummed out and you feel disgusted,
you know?
Counselor: So you feel bummed out and disgusted,
is that right?
Counselee: Yeah, you just can’t seem to break out
of it, you know.
Counselor: When you say, “You can’t just seem to
break out of it,” you mean “I can’t seem to break
out of it?”
Counselee: Yes, I just can’t get rid of these
feelings.
Counselor: What makes you want to get rid of
those feelings?
4. Dealing with the feelings
• Once you elicited the feelings, defined and
clarified them, and have gotten the person to
acknowledge it, now place the feeling into
context.
• What thoughts and events are these feelings
correlated with.
Good questions like:
- “What brings up this feeling of excitement
with you?”
- “What’s the situation when you experience
these feelings?”
- People don’t just experience one feeling at a
time
- To get the counselee to express feelings that
he/she had found difficult to articulate with.
Examples of effective questions are:
- “How would you like to express these
feelings?”
- “What would you like to say to that
person?”
•
-
If the counselee has difficulty or is
uncomfortable, questions such as these may
help:
“What’s the best (worst) thing that could
happen?”
“What would you like to see to happen?”
“How have you dealt with this before?”
“What could you do to feel better?”
5th Skill: Summarization
• A combination of one or more paraphrases
and open n close reflection of feelings. It
tends to cover a correlatively long period of
time
A summary is a larger paraphrase. It tends to
capture the essence of what the person said. (Brief
and tentative)
A good summary has several functions:
1. It acts as a perception check (tama ang
pagkakaintindi mo at nya)
2. It directs the course of future interaction,
decisions, and planning. (Positive approach)
3. It clarifies the situation, reflects trends,
points out conflicts and list priorities.
When to use a summary?
After main event of counseling session (about to go
to problem solving – end)
a) A summary is also good to use at the end of
the counseling session.
b) A summary is useful when shifting mode.
-
It ties thing together for the person and
hos/her clear image for the session.
Forward movement. Sensitivity is important
in the counseling session.
6th Skill: INTEGRATION OF SKILLS
Integration
• is putting all your skills together and using
appropriate.
• Art and the fitness of counseling has its
fullest expression.
1. OPEN
QUESTIONS
–
flow
of
conversation, encourage people to talk,
direct the conversation
2. PARAPHRASING
3. EXPLORING THE FEELINGS