Family Essay
Everyon e has his own definition of what is a family. The meaning of a family is different to
every one of us. Therefore by sociol ogists giving definitions to what is a family, we do not have
a clear idea of what is family and not all definitions adept to all families. A universal family is a
nuclear family. By studying 250 societies, Murdock found a variety of characteristics that these
societies have in a family. Some of the characteristics are that the family live in a common
residen ce and have econ omic co- operation. The family consists of adults of both sexes who are
married and maintain a sexual relationship; the adults have biol ogical children or children from
adoption, and socializes them. By socializing their children they are transmitting the culture of
their generation to their children. As Murdock is a function alist he regards the family as being a
function to society as a whole. According to Murdock the family is a multi-function al institution,
which is indispensable for the individual and society. The family helps bring about harmony and
integration in society. Other institutions have nowadays taken on these functions. Talcott
Parsons agrees with Murdock that the family has become specialized in its fu
Summary: Discusses the importance of family. Explores the writer's family
tree. Analyzes the responsibilities of each family member.
In this text I will write about family .I will talk about differences of my family
and in the past. I will define responsibilities of each member. In my family there
are four members. Those are my brother, father my mother and I. We do not
live with our grandmother or grandfather but I have the grandmother.
In first paragraph I will tell something about family in past. In my mothers and
fathers time there was not computers like today. The families and children
were much more together than today. Today is much bigger need for money
and for life. So the people are working much more then in past. They do not
have time to see each other that much. There were no so many cars. Today
many people have even two or three cars. In the past there was less disease.
For some disease there were medicines. Today they have found medicine for
many diseases but the problem is there are again new disease likes aids. I think
disease always will be problem even in the feature. I think also there is division
between male and female activities but less.
My mother's name is jane. She was born in Germany in 1954. Now I will give
you few examples of her responsibilities in the family. I think her is to
care about children to cook, clean shop for food and to worry about everything.
In this few examples you can see as I said in one paragraph, the division
between male and female activities. For example many of these things my
father does not do.
Now I will tell something about my father. My father's name is jan and he was
born in 1955. I will give you as in last paragraph few examples of his
responsibilities. Those are: going to work what means earning money, giving
you a money, maybe sometimes get jealous and helps you with school. The
examples are also division between male and female activities. My mother also
does not do this example.
Grandmother's name is hgtz. She is also living in germay but not with us. She is
very old so I asked her few questions about her life in the past .I asked
her something about hospitals and doctors in her time. She told that there were
hospital and doctors but in a bigger cities. In a smaller cities there was not
hospitals. Who lived in a smaller city he needed much travel to come to hospital
in a bigger city.
My brother's name is james. He is one year younger than me. He is 14 years
old. He likes basketball, tennis and computers. He is going to a school named
"International school." He likes rap music. He also has some functions in the
family. He also needs to go to school, he has good grades,does
his homeworks and sometimes helps his parents.
Now something about me. My name is jag .I am 15 years old .I like to play
football, tennis and computer .Me and my family lived for five years in germny.
I finished eight grade in there .I talked about my mother's, father's and
brothers functions and nowsomething about my functions in the family. My
functions are: going to school, having good grades, helping to my father and
mother.
Family
Family values are deservedly praised. A well-functioning family is a
microcosm of society as it should work. Many problems faced by
individuals had their origin in unhealthy family life.
Although the picture is changing, until quite recently most North
Americans of our era considered the nuclear family as the norm,
indeed, as the ideal. To not be in such a unit was to be insufficient. Men
and women were expected to marry and raise children. The children,
upon reaching adulthood, were to leaves and follow their parents'
example.
The study of anthropology and history makes it apparent that in
many other societies and ages, familial relations differ from ours.
Sometimes units are small, sometimes large and extended. Work is
divided variously among sexes, and curiously, in at least a few cultures
women dominate either economically or in terms of reverence and
spiritual significance.
In almost every society, aged members are treated with a great deal
more respect than in our modern, fast-paced, industrial society. It
seems logical that those among us with the most experience have the
most importance as guides and leaders, of teachers and guardians of
our collective learning and traditions. Yet old people are usually given
appalling treatment by today's young. This scares me. It is stupid and
disrespectful -- worst of all it is alarming. A culture fixated on youth,
or rather young adulthood, is not likely to endure in a long,
sustainable, healthy way.
One way to strengthen family units may be to encourage households
in which three generations coexist: grandparents, parents, and
children. This would mean, in theory, 4 adults instead of two, helping
raise children. It would mean more sharing, more communication, and
less privacy. There would be fewer housing units needed if more people
lived per house. What is more crazy than the numerous empty large
mansions on Capitol Hill, inhabited by lonely widows?
Extended family units can be other than generational. Sisters and
brothers can live together as adults. There are co-housing and
cooperative households where nuclear families share much in common,
except bedrooms. There are families where live-in nannies do childrearing while both parents work full-time jobs, Many urban group
houses consist of 3, 4 or 5 single adults, whose interactions are more-
or-less familial.
I suppose the big definition of family properly includes children. For
without them, all we are left with is a pair or a group of adults. Is a
couple a family? Is a group of 3 adults a family? In today's prevalent
value system, a family is whatever folks choose to define it as, just as
"home" is.
I favor the definition of parent(s) and children. To me, family life
without children is at best a related phenomena. To draw a gardening
parallel, a garden has more going on in it than does a collection of
scattered houseplants. To call the potted indoors plants "a garden" is
stretching the definition. Yes, sometimes it will qualify; usually there is
no serious competition. If a childless couple wants to send forth
seasons' greetings "from the Jones' family" that is their right; but it is
my right to call them a couple. It's a matter of precision in
terminology, not a value judgement.
Sexual equality in marriage should be the norm. Still, in many cases
men wield more power, whether or not they contribute more. To many
fundamentalist Christians, men are properly regarded as the heads of
households, women secondary, and children the third tier. Where
religious beliefs of this nature are sincerely held by both partners,
there should be no problem. Let live. But let us not impose such an
order on any woman involuntarily. Personally I am attracted to strong
women of independent tendencies; I am left unmoved by (if not
repulsed by) weak women who seek in a man a protector, a leader, a
master. I seek a peer, not a servant or a weakling.
The role of relatives in family life is well appreciated by everyone.
Either you have cousins and kin with whom you interact and share,
socialize and help -- or you're without such and you miss it. To be a
stranger in a strange land is a severe disadvantage. Alternatively, to
have dozens of relatives is to have safety and power. I am blessed by a
family and relative network which is remarkably free of discords,
feuding and the like. We are not immune to strained marriages, or
some coarseness -- but on the whole, are a very well-behaved and
likeable lot.
Children, as I said, are what really define a family as opposed to
another sort of association. In earlier times, indeed for much of human
existence, child-bearing was critical for the sustaining of humanity.
Now, birth-control and a movement towards zero population growth
seems to be our only sakvation. For if we instead breed thoughtlessly,
our sheer numbers will cause massive starvation, pollution, fighting
and disease epidemics. How to intelligently and justly regulate
reproduction is one of our most pressing concerns. In ideal, only wellqualified couples would be allowed to bear and raise children. By
qualified I mean emotional and social maturity, economic ability, and
enough time, love and health to do the job properly. Such a vision will
not come about without fighting. People are emotional first, logical
second, and would, alas, rather have their perceived personal rights
unfettered than the good of the whole preserved. It is very sad. The
good news is: at least educated, economically affluent people, have
lowered their birth rate voluntarily. That suggests that if we want to
change people's behavior, we can do it with dollars and books if not
with appeals to reason and distribution of birth control devices.
If children present defines family, we could say that a single parent
raising a child is a family of sorts, albeit a handicapped one. As for
childless couples, I prefer to not call them families, regardless or
whether or not they are married. Indeed, I am not sold on marriage as
something to promote except where children are involved. But
marriage is potent. It has the force of law, economic advantages, is a
sacrament to many religious faiths; and to be married is to generally
be held in higher esteem than to merely be a couple cohabiting.
What about age? It would be fascinating to compare divorce rates
with ages at which couples married. I'd expect that younger adults, not
to mention teenagers, would be more likely to divorce than couples
who waited to marry until in their late 20s or 30s. It is deplorable how
many marriages break up, and I want to know why, so I can help
couples, and be more likely to enter into a strong marriage myself.
I am fond of describing my four legs to support a strong marriage.
In my view, just as a single very stout leg, well centered, can support a
table, it is still not so safe or desirable usually as 2, 3, or 4 legs. The 4
legs I describe as targets or goals, but not actual requirements -- some
marriages last without one or more of them. But personally, I would be
highly cautious about entering into a union where any legs were weak.
The first leg or foundation of a strong marriage is the maturity for a
lifelong commitment. I think many people never achieve this level of
maturity. A marriage, or anything lasting decades and involving
intimacy -- will suffer hardship, sore periods, friction, and will need
ongoing maintenance. The individuals, by agreeing to marry, must
embrace not only each other, but the notion that "we are a couple, in
the long run." They must have patience, understanding, strength,
forgiveness, humor. My hunch is few people less than 26 years old are
ready. Some of us are really much better off by age 36.
Living together in day to day life with peace and compatibility is the
second leg. Some couples can be ideal as lovers meeting once every
week or so, but can't stand living together. We hear about neatniks
and slobs, about night people and day people. For my part I wouldn't
marry a smoker. A woman who cannot stand the soil attendant to a
gardener's life, or calloused hands, would do well to avoid one such as
I. If one is extroverted and wants to be active socially, don't marry a
shy, introverted person. Living together before marrying can be a very
prudent experiment. Of course, many of us are gladly willing to change
some habits, to overlook some imperfections, in order to save a
marriage. But there must be a general, tolerable rapport, just to begin
with.
Seeing eye to eye on main topics, along with an ability to compromise
on areas of disagreement, is the third leg. Essentially this could be
called effective team playing. There must be open honest
communication about such important matters as child-rearing,
financial planning, where to live, how to spend free time, what sort of
social ties to emphasize, religion, ethics, and everything else that needs
discussion and resolution. A good marriage can, in my view, be made
by the blending of two sets of convictions. I hate the cases where one of
the two partners dominates, making unilateral decisions, controlling
the funds, etc. Compromise means each partner yields somewhat. Of
course, if one partner desires to be the leader, and the other desires to
follow, so be it. But again, I seek a strong wife, who will argue her case
every bit as much as I mine. We'll weave together a tapestry of love,
and wrap ourselves in it.
Love is the 4th leg. I realize that many loveless marriages exist, and
it is possible to have such unions last for decades. But our ideal is
wholehearted mutual love. Not the immature, hormone-driven heat of
teenagers, nor the ephemeral flashes of desire felt by adults
periodically. Rather an abiding, deep warmth and affection. A love
that smiles at each other's imperfections, not scorns them. A love that
playfully banters; that is sensitive, understanding and eager to serve.
Such love is rare. Not everyone is mature enough to give it. In the same
fashion that we cannot determine our needs by consulting our desires,
so we cannot rely on sexual attraction alone to reveal our true love.
Many factors are at play in love, and it is more complicated and risky
than the other three legs I described. It touches our very core, our
deepest emotions and subconscious.
There are some seemingly thoughtful and educated people who insist
that of all the billions of people on earth, only one person is their
perfect lover. Well, I truly believe that any of thousands, perhaps
millions, of women could be loved by me, or could love me,
wholeheartedly. What it takes, however, is a match of all four legs, and
at a mutually agreeable time and place. I want a wife who desires, like
myself, to live in Seattle, and help make it a better place; to raise our
children here. I figure Seattle has 500,000 people, and at least 30,000
are eligible women of child-bearing age. No doubt, as soon as I make it
a priority to find a wife, I'll succeed, with no need to spend years
searching the earth for the single, ultimate Ms Right. Actually, I've
met more than one woman who was, as far as I could tell, all I could
desire. But these women didn't, ahem, happen to have the same
opinion about me.
And those women who did think I was Mr Right for them, have not
excited equal feelings in me. At this moment, I would unhesitatingly
marry only one woman. But she is to be given her privacy, and I'll say
nothing here to reveal her identity. There's another woman, about
whom I have considerable warmth -- yet I suspect it is not so much
because she's ideal for me, but because she's gorgeous, we share much
in common, and see each other often. A third woman of recent interest
is, I think, too young, but she shows such poise, good work habits, and
has such quiet attraction, that she's got me saying to myself "well,
maybe."
This little tangent of three women is but a fraction of those who I've
been keen about. In a matter of months ago I was keen on four more.
But one of them disappeared, another wants to live far from Seattle,
the third I confess I like primarily because she's got a Miss America
body and is loads of fun, and the fourth turns out to be lesbian.
More than once I've fallen for lesbians. Similarly, some gay men
have swooned over me. It makes me wish we had some sort of
unambiguous mark to show our sexual orientation and availability.
Anyhow, even though homosexual unions are abnormal, they needn't
be outlawed, after all they don't hurt anyone. As long as they're ethical
and involve only consenting adults -- who cares? When I recall how
many serious crises face humankind, it amazes me how we spend so
much time and money persecuting homosexuality. Big deal, I say.
Insofar as it is ridiculed, many stressed individuals will hide their
sexual urges, and remain unhappy. That is poor for society.
Families can be deeply hurt, and often are ruined, by tragedy. I have
in mind here death and divorce, but severe diseases, terrible luck, and
other things can also create chaos. Divorce is especially on my mind.
This year, five couples I know split up. All but one had children -- and
the remaining couple split in part because the woman desired children
and the man didn't. All of these couples were of thoughtful, highly
educated, economically stable, well adjusted people. Somehow, their
unions to each other evaporated, in some cases to be replaced with
antagonism.
Having so many friends suffer break-ups at once, hit me hard. It is
shocking, and initially made me ask "well, how can anyone be sure it
won't happen to himself or herself?" I looked for explanations,
knowing it is a sensitive matter. But I do want to try to learn from
other's experiences, I want to blurt out "what would you do
differently?" or "what advice can you offer?" After all, it is more than
prudent, it is critical, to look closely at marriage and child-rearing. At
the same time that I am trying to learn what went wrong in failed
marriages, I keep abreast on the factors visible in successful unions. It
is with great relish I reflect on the long-term happiness and love
evidenced by some couples I know.
What is it that makes certain couples stick lovingly together over
decades, while others split? Obviously there are as many variables as
their are couples. Just as every individual has some strong points and
some weak ones, so do relationships. To preposterously insist on
anything to be free from stress, for some ideal state of bliss -- is an
immature dream. I'm sure that with taking the time to be honest about
one's needs, desires, and expectations, as well as sincerely listening to
one's partner, a firm, clear understanding can result, which might lead
to a break up in the early going rather than later on. I fear too many
people are so instinctively burning with desire to love and be loved,
that they settle for imperfect unions out of impatience. For a lifetime
marriage, and the rearing of children, deliberate attention is as needed
as a warm heart. Marriages need not only be celebrated at weddings
but worked on as ongoing projects. With children involved, and
relatives, an even greater need exists to have realistic, reasonable
budgets of time and emotional resources
he family is the basic unit of society." Think hard about that cliche for just a moment. If it's true, it
should have profound influence on us as individuals and on all the other larger and less- basic units of
society. If family is the fundamental and indispensable institution, then every other level and type of
institution that we create, from neighborhood councils to nations, should exist and function in order to
protect, maintain and strengthen families. Legislatures should look to create pro-family laws, schools
should support parents and teach family skills, judicial decisions should reflect the priority of protecting
and bolstering families, and politicians and candidates should be measured by what they do and propose
to do for families.
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Karl Zinmeister of American Enterprise put it this way:
"There is a mountain of scientific evidence showing that when families disintegrate, children often end
up with intellectual, physical and emotional scars that persist for life. We talk about the drug crisis, the
education crisis and the problems of teen pregnancy and juvenile crime. But all these ills trace back
predominantly to one source: broken families."
Problems that are not solved in the home spill out into society and become crises that are impossibly
expensive and expensively impossible for the larger institutions of society to solve.
So let's first examine our title phrase more closely and see if we believe it enough to make it the criteria
for how we view our larger culture and how we measure the performance of the other levels or elements
of our society.
First a definition of terms:
Basic unit: That which the rest is made of, as in the bricks in a brick wall. The most fundamental
organization. The closest and most personal level of relationships and responsibility.
Society: Civilization. The order by which we live together and cooperate to work for the common goal.
Society is us, the people, organized and divided and governed by our political and cultural institutions.
Family: Despite current attempts to dilute or pervert the word, family will always be best defined as a
person with his or her spouse and/or children. Only two events create or add to family: 1. marriage, 2.
birth or adoption. Politically and economically, the family unit can be thought of as one, two or three
generations of related persons living under one roof. It's fine (and complimentary) to say "My friends
are my family," but it is the literal, legal, genetic and living-together family that is society's basic unit.
Now, with our definitions in place, let's return to the question: Is the family truly the basic unit? Does it
have to be? Can it be replaced or substituted for? Communist societies have tried to make the commune
the basic unit, using parents for "creative" purposes only and assigning communes and classrooms and
worker cells to do the nurturing and educational functions traditionally done by parents within families.
In other societies, orphanages have substituted in the absence or abdication of parents. Today, gay
"marriages" and other alternative households make their attempts, and unmarried co-habitants try to
perform the function of family without the commitment.
None of the other options works as well as family. Statistics and surveys as well as common sense tell
us that economically, emotionally, practically and spiritually, it is families, real families, that are the
most basic and the most indispensable unit of society.
So what are the implications? Simply that if the bricks in the brick wall are unsound and crumbly, then
no matter how well the wall is designed, laid out, constructed, maintained, mortared or organized, it's
going to fall down. If, on the other hand, the builders of the societal wall understand and strive to
maintain the soundness of the bricks, the whole wall will stand and last.
All metaphors aside, the real reason family is the basic unit is that it is more basic to our individual
happiness than anything else. Having a good city council may have some effect on our happiness, and
living in a free country certainly does, but no other level or unit of society even approaches the effect
that family has on our well- being and our happiness. This is one reason that survey after survey tells us
that over 90 percent of Americans say their family is their highest priority and the most important thing
in their lives.
Once someone deeply and thoughtfully agrees that family is the basic unit -- of society, of happiness
and of eternity -- there are essentially two things he can do about it: (1.) strive ever harder to better
prioritize his family and balance his life; and (2.) demand that the other units and institutions of our
society do more to support and strengthen families and less to undermine and tear them down.
Right now is actually a particularly good time to think about both of those things: During this holiday
season, while we are with our families (and thinking about them) more than at any other time of year,
we can ponder how well we are doing with our balance and our prioritizing. And during the upcoming
political season when we'll elect a president, a governor, congressmen and local officials, we can use
family as a filter to evaluate everything candidates say, and we can try to elect those who will do the
most, directly and indirectly, to protect our families, to assist us in educating, training and building
character in our children, and those who publicly recognize and support the importance of parenting.
ife is essential to happiness. The development of the body, mind and spirit must get
attention each day of our lives. If we set aside the time for work, for play, for personal
thought or religious devotion, as our individual choice may be, we will experience
balance in our lives. Balance implies equilibrium where there is just the right amount of
everything in our lives to enable us to thrive. Each of us has a uniqueness
that is our own. The balance, therefore, in each of us is unique and must
be discovered. The balance changes as we grow and it never stops
changing. We all need a process of personal renewal that is continuous to
accommodate this change. Stephen Covey has written 2 books, that when
taken together, offer a process of personal development around a
consistent ethical base. These books offer a cornerstone for the individual and the
family upon which to grow.
What Messages Do We Send Our Children?
As our children grow within our Families they formulate their Principles, Values and
expectations of life. There are certain Natural Principles that have been built into our
Founding Documents. What about life should we teach our children? What makes them
good people and what makes them good citizens? What are the American Family
Values we teach our children?
Principles and Values
Now here is a good question: "What is the difference between a Principle and a Value?"
This has many answers depending upon who you ask. From the World Book Dictionary,
a Value is an established ideal of life, objects, customs, ways of acting, and the like, that
the members of a given society regard as desirable1. Again, from the World Book
Dictionary, a Principle is a fundamental belief, a rule of action or conduct, a truth that is
a foundation for other truths; fundamental, primary, or general truth1.
In simple terms, Values are the building blocks of Principles, while Principles show how
Values are related to each other. Examples of Values might be: 1. Life, 2. Liberty and 3.
the Pursuit of Happiness. An example of a Principle might be: 1. Human Beings have an
inherent right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. The line is thin here, and not
all would agree with these definitions.
Values of A Good Free Individual2
What are the Values held true by a Free Individual in a Free Society? What Values
equip a person to function well in a Free Society? A person who lives the Values that
permit them to thrive in a Free Society would be called a good person.
Fundamentally, Human Beings expect to be treated fairly. To be fair we must be honest,
forthright and sincere with others. This is calledIntegrity. It means we keep our word;
"you can take it to the bank". "Our word is our bond." This is why our Credit Rating is
important, it is an "objective" measure of how well we keep our promises in modern
society. Remember The Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto
you."
Human Beings are able to choose; unlike animals and plants who merely react to
external stimulus. When we choose we are accepting the consequences of our choices.
We must have Self-discipline to choose wisely and grow responsibly. As Free Individuals
we must accept responsibility for the consequences of our choices if we are to remain
free to choose.
Going about life each day requires us to know where we are and know where we are
headed. We are each "Captain of our own ship". Freedom of choice enables us to
exercise Proactivity, to go after our goals and visions. We must each take responsibility
for our lives and control our own destiny. A Free Society provides the best opportunity
to make our dreams come true.
Communication between Free Individuals requires us to give each other a chance.
Giving each other a chance requires one Free Individual to understand and
have Empathy for another where we "put ourselves in the other's shoes". Their is an old
Native American saying: "Do not judge another until you have walked 20 miles in their
moccasins".
Interaction with other Human Beings requires us to understand the relationship of one
Free Individual to another. As we exercise Humilitywe demonstrate this knowledge. We
understand the worth of each Free Individual, including ourselves, in our Free
Society. Coexistence with Free Individuals requires that we respect each other and treat
each other with dignity until a Free Individual proves through their actions and words
that they are unworthy.
What are family values? When politicians leap to the podium and begin talking about restoring family values, which values
are they talking about? Family values can mean many things to different people, and so leaving family values in the hands of
politicians means exactly what?
Some attribute family values to the basic biblical principles while others focus family values on discipline and the
responsibility factors of becoming an adult. Many people claim that today’s parents are too soft on kids, and that society has
become over sensitive to children. Some believe that spanking your child in public is a parental right while others believe
that spanking is abusive and teaches fear and violence. Who is right?
Some interpret the meaning of family values to be the value of family, as in traditional families with a mother and a father
and the family dog. Others interpret family values to mean the value of family, the value of providing children a warm safe
place to learn and to grow, to return everyday from the world and know they are loved and learn to be responsible adults.
By interpreting family values as a definition of family, of what others believe is the “right kind” of family, who are we hurting?
We certainly aren’t hurting the adults of the family. When we point to a single parent family, an inter-racial family, a
homosexual family, or any family that someone’s imagination decided wasn’t the “proper” family, and we abandon their right
to be considered a family, it’s the children who get hurt. The children’s self esteem and identity in the world suffers, and the
children learn to hate each other for the decisions their parents have made.
Family values are supposed to be out the quality of the family. That means principles of love, tolerance, acceptance,
responsibility, safety, and the family’s ability to do the right thing while out in the world and under their own roof.
Family values lay in the hands of every individual family, and whether or not they exercise their ability to give to the world
positive and effective influence. Every day people have the power to teach their children positive influence or negative
influence. Every day children have the option to either be positive forces or negative forces. Families with strong family
values are those who motivate their children to be positive forces in the world, and who lead them by example.
When politician make promises of restoring family values, how exactly is it that they propose to get into the head of every
parent and affect them enough to teach their children to be stronger, better, and kinder? By telling them they aren’t the
“proper” type of family? Family values are up to each individual family, not the political system. Family values are free
choice, and while there may be those who oppose the values that some families possess, there simply isn’t room for the
open criticism of families that defy the nuclear familial definition.
The instant a judgment is determined that creates a “right family” and a “wrong family,” opposition heats up, defiance and
cause oriented protesting begins, and people get so lost in defending their right to be a family that the basic code of family
values becomes lost on both sides. Attacking people for loving their children because they do not fit a political frame work is
in fact ridiculous. Political decisions and political values tend to appeal to only one sector of the community.
What exactly makes up a strong family that possesses good family values? A family that
sustains its members — that supports and nourishes the members throughout the span
of that family. A strong family unit creates a safe, positive and supportive place for all
members to thrive. They are able to utilize resources and to live together in a fairly
healthy manner.
The adults in a strong family set the tone. They are good role models that lead by
example. They reach out to friends and community and teach their children the
importance of doing the same -- and that becomes part of who the children are. They
work together to solve problems, and they pass their skills on to the next generation.
Some important elements of a strong family system are family cohesion, family flexibility
and family communication.
Cohesion- In families cohesion would be defined as the feeling of being loved, of
belonging to the group and being nurtured by it. Although closeness is good in a family
unit, there must be a balance between being together and being separate. A person
must be able to develop their individuality, while being supported and confident within
the family. A few things that bring a family together are the commitment of other family
members, and the spending of time together.
Flexibility- There must be a structure in a family or it will become chaotic and will not
be a peaceful setting for a family. Conversely, there must be flexibility or the family
becomes rigid and the authority figures become resented. We could compare a
successful family to a democracy. There are leaders, but the whole group is involved in
the decision making process. Although the leaders are in charge all members develop
the ability to cope with stress, and at times lead. While the family works to avoid
stressful situations they work together to solve problems, without blaming, criticizing and
finding fault with each other. Families that tend to have a strong spiritual base seem to
have a sense of well-being that facilitates this working together in times of stress.
Communication- Ever hear the saying, “What we have here is a failure to
communicate?” A lack of communication can rip a family apart and destroy them.
Things that facilitate communication are the things mentioned so far -- family closeness,
flexibility, time spent together, spirituality. All members must feel a freedom within the
group to express themselves freely.
Another very important factor is the relationship between the “head” couple. In a family
that is parented by a happily married couple, people are able to express themselves
more freely. What they might say isn’t filtered through the problems of the “guardians.”
A happy marriage seems to set the tone in the house. It spills over from the family to the
community and a healthy family will be reaching out to help others. They do not tend to
isolate themselves from the rest of the world.
A very important thing for families to teach their children is how to make good decisions.
If they have watched their parents making well thought out decisions over the years,
they will tend to be good decision makers themselves.
A healthy, happy family benefits our whole society. Among the children of strong
families their is less crime, less divorce and less emotional problems. They tend to go
on and have strong, healthy families of their own, having learned from their folk’s
example
Whether we are single or married we spend most of our lives as a part of a family. Family is the basic
unit that makes up this society. A healthy and happy family becomes a place of security and belonging
for the individual and a stepping stone for a healthier and more peaceful society, nation and earth.
How could we heal our family? What will be the way? I think it would be very simple. All we need to do
is to be aware that we love each other. All of us love each other already. Just be awakened to the simple
fact, and choose to be at the state. That’s what Ilchi Lee said in one of his lectures
Children in their middle years treasure their families and feel they are special and
irreplaceable. Families provide children with a sense of belonging and a unique identity.
Families are, or should be, a source of emotional support and comfort, warmth and
nurturing, protection and security. Family relationships provide children with a critical sense
of being valued and with a vital network of historical linkages and social support. Within
every healthy family there is a sense of reciprocity - a giving and taking of love and
empathy by every family member.
Families are much more than groups of individuals. They have their own goals and
aspirations. They also are places where every child and adult should feel that he or she is
special and be encouraged to pursue his or her own dreams; a place where everyone's
individuality is permitted to flourish. Although every family has conflicts, all the family
members should feel as though they can express themselves openly, share their feelings,
and have their opinions listened to with understanding. In fact, conflicts and disagreements
are a normal part of family life and are important insofar as they permit people to
communicate their differences and ventilate their feelings.
The family instructs children and gives guidance about personal values and social behavior.
It instills discipline and helps them learn and internalize codes of conduct that will serve
them for the rest of their lives. It helps them develop positive interpersonal relationships,
and it provides an environment that encourages learning both in the home and at school. It
gives children a sense of history and a secure base from which to grow and develop. Yet, as
important as these functions are, they do not happen automatically. Every parent knows it
takes hard work to keep the family going as an effective, adaptive and functional unit.
A Vision of the Family
Your child's notion - as well as your own ideas - of the family and how it should work have
largely been shaped by personal experiences. If you grew up as an only child, for example,
and you have four youngsters of your own who compete for attention, privacy, or
possessions, you might feel that there's something wrong with the way your family is
functioning and might tend to become overcontrolling. Or if you were one of two girls who
grew up in a household where everyone was relatively cooperative, and you have three
sons who are rambunctious, you may be concerned about relationships within the family
because things are not in sync with your early experiences.
Other factors can help shape your vision of the family and how it actually works. Religious
and moral beliefs, for example, help form your ideas of the way things "should" be. Your
economic situation and living conditions will influence the functioning of your family,
perhaps in ways that run counter to your preconceptions. Today's geographic mobility can
put distance between extended families, with hundreds or thousands of miles separating
grandparents and their grandchildren; if you grew up with your grandparents nearby, the
new realities may be uncomfortable for you.
The prevailing cultural values as depicted and transmitted by the media may not coincide
with your notion of family. Television, motion pictures and other media bombard us each
day with fantasy images of the family. And if your family doesn't measure up to these
depictions - if your family isn't always as happy as those families on the TV commercials, or
doesn't settle arguments within a thirty-minute time slot - you might feel you aren't doing
as good a job as you should. Some of the media more accurately portray the evolving roles
that males and females can play today, with both fathers and mothers having more options
in sharing the breadwinning and child-raising responsibilities.
To repeat, there are many variations of "normal," some of which may not conform to your
expectations. You might feel something is awry with your own family when nothing is wrong
at all. You may just have to rethink your expectations of what a family should be.