Title of Play: 14 More Ways to Screw Up your College Interview
Author: Ian McWethy
Page #23-24
Character(s): Gory and Interviewer 1
Blocking
Dialogue
Motives
CORY. Then I do twenty more reps, work on my core, thirty minutes
on the treadmill, burn the excess carbs. I follow that immediately
with a whey shake. Then I start working exclusively on my glutes for
the next two hours.
INTERVIEWER 1. I see, and this is for the purpose of—
CORY. Body building. I'm haven't officially been "allowed" into a
body building competition yet but.. .1 think that's probably because
of my age.
INTERVIEWER 1. That's.. .amazing.
CORY. I know. I think the work speaks for itself.
INTERVIEWER 1. Do you mind if we talk about something else?
CORY. Sure, do you mind if I do some exercises while we talk. It's
important to me that I keep my reflexive muscles active during the
next five minutes.
INTERVIEWER 11 don't know what that means, but sure.
GORY. Great. (GORY gets on the floor and starts doing sit ups.)
INTERVIEWER 1. So what would you say was your favorite subject
in school?
GORY. Ummm
eeeerrrhhh!!! It's hard to.. .errrrlihhh!fl. .say
Because .errRRRHHH!!fl ERRRHHHII! There's.. .EEEERRRRE-llIHHH!!!! AAAAAHHI-11-IHHHHH!!ll!
..
.
.
INTERVIEWER 1. Okay, I take back what I said earlier, this may be
too distracting.
GORY.
But
after..
.ERRRRRHHHI!!!
Free
Weights..
.EEEERRRHHHHfl! I really need to.. .ERRRT-THHI-TA!!!! COME
ON!!! ERRRRRRHHH!!!! GET THERE!!!! GET THERE!!!!
1
INTERVIEWER 1. Okay, stop This is insane. You don't need to be
making these noises.
GORY. I know it seems like I'm only doing a few of these but I've
been doing these all day, so this is really sit up number 1,000. Think
about that.
24 Ian McWethy
fn-I1&TTt&TTL& 1. Are you realy exercising as much as you say,
because I have to tell you...1 would think you would be...
INTERVIEWER 1. No. Bigger. I mean.. .1 honestly can't tell that you
lift weights at all.
GORY. Wow, you know what? I know that because of my
physique.. .my perfectly sculpted muscles and massive bulk that I
come across as manly and tough. But that.. .hurts. Deeply. I
withdrawing my submission.
INTERVIEWER 1. Well, we don't really, even have a body building
program.
GORY. Nobody does. But you have an amazing gym, good
nutritional and biology classes. And.. .my SAT's and GPA are way
higher than your average. You could've let me in on that alone.
(The INTERVIEWER 1 looks at his file.) INTERVIEWER 1. Geez,
you're right. How did you...
GORY. Just because I'm cut like steel doesn't mean I don't have a
brain'
INTERVIEWER 1. There's no way we could start over.
GORY. You snooze you lose. You might want to take a picture
because this is the last time, you'll ever get to look at these... (GORY
unimpressively flexes.)
GORY. Again. (GORY exits.)
2