Introduction Course Objectives By the end of the course you will have: • Identified the principles of counselling and how they apply to work • Analyse the approaches to counselling in a work situation • Identifies the steps to take for an effective counselling session • Practised the skills involved in effective counselling • Improved their self-awareness through peer and tutor feedback Skills Development Model This model is used to explain the confusion that often arises in delegates during training courses when they expect to learn things instantly and are frustrated when things go wrong. Any new skill starts from a position of Unconscious Incompetence - ignorance of what there is to learn. Through knowledge and information the individual passes through to Conscious Incompetence - realising how much there is to learn. With awareness and training in the new skills the next stage is Conscious Competence - using the new skills but having to think what to do the whole time. At this stage previous skills can seem to disappear – the mind is so focused on the new skills that others tend to be overtaken. The final stage, after practise, is Unconscious Competence - being so good at the skill that it ‘comes naturally’. The message is DO NOT PANIC – the new skills will come with time, feedback and practise. Diagram of Skills Development Model UNCONSCIOUS INCOMPETENCE 1 EXPERIENCE AND EXPERIMENT KNOWLEDGE UNCONSCIOUS COMPETENCE 2 CONSCIOUS INCOMPETENCE 4 PRACTISE TRAINING AND AWARENESS 3 CONSCIOUS COMPETENCE UNCONSCIOUS INCOMPETENCE = “I do not know what I do not know” CONSCIOUS INCOMPETENCE = “I know what I do not know” CONSCIOUS COMPETENCE = “ I know what I know” CONSCIOUS COMPETENCE = “I do not know what I know” What is Counselling? Introduction Counselling is person-to-person communication in the context of a controlled conversation 1 which helps other to help themselves It is important to note that the key word here is controlled; a counselling discussion is not just a quiet chat but a formal meeting where a manager and a member of staff discuss an issue that is troubling the individual member of staff. Managers do of course find themselves in implicit counselling conversations, but need to recognise when there is a need for a more formal conversation within an appropriate time and location. Counselling is an approach to helping someone come to their own decisions or conclusions about an issue; it is not about giving advice; treating sick people; disciplining someone, or criticising someone. Counselling and other forms of individual help Work Coaching Performance Improvement Discipline Criticism and Advice Individual Counselling Problem Resolution and Opportunity Management 1 John Michael Hughes 1991 Psychotherapy Healing and Restoration Personal Counselling in the work context Generally individuals at work balance their personal and working lives effectively. If there are any issues with their work performance this is usually corrected through coaching sessions arranged by their manager. Where their performance does not respond to coaching, or where they have been acting contrary to the policies and procedures of their organisation, then they are disciplined appropriately. Where an individual recognises that they have personal problems that require professional help, they may turn to their doctor or another professional for help and may be referred to specialised help such as psychotherapy. Counselling is an activity that crosses over between working and personal life. Many individuals go to private counselling sessions out of working hours. However, there are occasions when personal issues can intrude on working activities and reduce performance. What can start as a matter for coaching, for instance errors in following certain procedures may end up with a member of staff revealing to their manager that they are worrying over debts, or the care of elderly relatives or something else. It is at this point that the manager needs to exercise care and to begin to practise their counselling skills so that the individual makes up their own mind about their personal issues. This course is a very short introduction to basic counselling skills. A professional counselling qualification takes much more work and effort. This course will give an individual some confidence to handle some of these delicate issues and prevent them from doing more harm as an enthusiastic amateur. Do note that every manager needs to familiarise themselves with the sources of professional help available from their company should the issues become too deep for them to handle. Some organisations run employee assistance programmes where specialist help is available. Your Personnel Department normally provides information about these services. Counselling versus Coaching Coaching involves working through work-related activities to increase performance and efficiency. If a member of staff writes a poor report then coaching would involve the manager assisting with the next report reading first drafts and if necessary requiring the individual to go on report writing training courses. If the poor report was not due to lack of report writing skills but because of personal problems then counselling is the solution. Essentially coaching is skills-centred and performance-orientated, concerned with reaching required standards of performance at work whilst counselling is person-centred and processorientated. Counselling versus sympathy True counselling is helping someone to think through his or her own problems, not just offering sympathy. It is good to show that you recognise the problem but not just to be sorry for, or sad with the person, you have to help them to work out their own solution. Feeling bad with them will not help them solve their problems; offering to sort things out for them will not help them to solve their own problems; listening and encouraging them to come up with their own ideas will. Just as “snap out of it” is an inappropriate response; so too is “you must feel awful”. Managers as counsellors A manager is not expected to be a counsellor all the time. However, employees that trust and respect their managers may feel that they will be there to help them with personal issues. There is still something of a stigma about asking for professional help and individuals may take an intermediate step by asking a trusted manager or colleague for help before going to a trained counsellor. People with problems usually seek help from those whom they perceive intuitively to be open, available and discreet. It may be that the manager or colleague makes to first move. Where an employee suddenly starts to under-perform or seems under stress then the invitation to have a ‘quiet chat’ may bring issues out into the open. The next session gives some of the standard Defence Mechanisms that people employ when under stress – if you observe these consistently in any of your colleagues then perhaps it is time to suggest that quite chat? A lot of good counselling and helping is done in passing, does not need to take long, 2 does not have to be in a formal setting and does not require a degree to do it When is counselling appropriate? When a problem arises that cannot be solved by coaching or disciplinary action and/or where the individual needs to talk matters through with someone is a circumstance that calls for counselling. A manager or supervisor must have the necessary skills for an initial meeting or interview. If the problem is something that requires professional help then the manager needs to know where or if this help is available in the organisation. Most people who need counselling will be exhibiting some form of stress or will have had a series of events happen that may make them stressed. A common measure of stress is the Holmes Rahe scale (see Exercise 1) where a number of events are given a numerical score and 2 Michael Reddy 1987 if the score is over 300 for any one 12 month period then an individual is likely to be suffering stress. What sort of problems come up in counselling? The following list is an example of some of the problems that occur where a manager or colleague may need to counsel a member of staff. It is not definitive but gives some of the issues that arise. • Doubts about competence and ability • Financial problems • Domestic difficulties • Fear of failure • Fear of success • Inability to cope with criticism • Personality clashes with other members of staff • Mid-life crisis • Worries about health • Trouble with teenage children/ elderly parents Exercise 1 The Holmes Rahe Scale Complete the following ‘stress’ questionnaire in terms of events that have happened to you over the past six months and then the past twelve months. If you score more that 60 for six months or more than 150 for twelve months then you are likely to be suffering from stress and may find your work is suffering. As a manager you may care to consider which of these items are currently effecting your employees and thus resulting in their needing counselling help. Time approximately 5 minutes to complete questionnaire;10 minutes plenary Life Event Death of Spouse Divorce Marital Separation Imprisonment Death of close family member Personal injury or illness Marriage Dismissal from work Marital reconciliation Retirement Change in health of family member Pregnancy Sexual difficulties Gain of new family member Business readjustments Change in financial state Change in number of arguments with spouse Major mortgage Foreclosure of mortgage or loan Change in responsibilities at work Son or Daughter leaving home Trouble with in-laws Outstanding personal achievement Spouse begins or stops work Begin or end school Change in living conditions Revision of personal habits Trouble with boss Change in work hours or conditions Change in residence Change in schools Change in recreation Change in church activities Change in social activities Lifechange Units 100 73 65 63 63 53 50 47 45 45 44 40 39 39 39 38 35 32 30 29 29 29 28 26 26 25 24 23 20 20 20 19 19 18 Minor mortgage or loan Change in sleeping habits Change in number of family reunions Change in eating habits Vacation Christmas Minor violation of the law 17 16 15 15 13 12 11 Defence Mechanisms Introduction Defence mechanisms are employed by people to control impulses that may cause conflict. They represent a person’s way of dealing with stressful situations. Defence mechanisms are quite normal reactions, it is only the over development or overuse of certain defences which is problematic. Among the motives that give rise to resistance are feelings of anxiety, guilt, disgust, hate, envy and shame. Or alternatively where people fear being exposed or rejected and hence defend themselves against being found inadequate or incapable. Defences and resistance emerge to maintain the psychological status quo. Defence mechanisms are motivated by anxiety and the desire for protection, and typically involve some conscious pretence, emotional suppression or cognitive unawareness concerning the factors that induce fear. Main types of Defence ◊ Repression ◊ Regression ◊ Projection ◊ Identification ◊ Reaction Formation ◊ Denial ◊ Secondary Gain ◊ Decision Strangulation ◊ Isolation Repression Repression is a way of avoiding anxiety-provoking thoughts and feelings. Memory gaps and forgetting are its most common manifestations. Repressed memories, desires, emotions, thoughts and wishes are made unconscious and thereafter divorced from awareness. It is as if they did not exist in the individuals conscious awareness. A primary manifestation of resistance is the belief in a crisis situation that there is no problem. Regression This means reverting to ways of adapting and behaviour more appropriate to an earlier stage of development. It occurs when one's self-esteem is seriously threatened, for instance when someone will insist on using a secretary to take dictation rather than use a new phone dictation system or word process their own materials. When habitual ways of dealing with stress are perceived to be inadequate, the person resorts to actions that have provided some form of security on previously seemingly similar occasions. Regression is to some extent a form of remembering and enacting old ways of behaviour. An example of regression is where someone constantly refers to ‘how we did things in the old days’ and even starts using some of the old systems. Projection This is ascribing attributes to another person or group an attitude or quality that one possesses but rejects in oneself. For instance complaining that your boss is disorganised when you are yourself but hate to admit it. Whatever is perceived as dangerous from within, is projected onto another person or some part of reality. Projection is common in people who are suspicious about others motives - these people reduce their guilt by blaming others or external circumstances for events that they themselves are directly responsible for. This causes distortion of views of reality. An example here is someone who says that X never gets any work done and yet they themselves are constantly on the phone to friends and relatives. Identification When this occurs, a person thinks, feels or acts, as they believe another person to think, feel or act. This can be a useful mechanism, but it rarely occurs in isolation; it is usually combined with one or more of the other defences. A special form is when someone identifies with the aggressor - impersonating the aggressor, assuming their attributes or imitating them – in this way they try to protect themselves from the severe anxiety caused by the aggressor. This is often seen in business when a usually mild-mannered individual starts to behave aggressively following the behaviour of the newly appointed director who was an erstwhile colleague of theirs. Reaction Formation In reaction formation, one of a pair of contradictory attitudes or traits is kept unconscious and hidden by emphasising its dramatic opposite e.g. messiness is replaced by compulsive neatness, stubbornness by compliance. The opposite, non-observable attitude however, persists unconsciously. Whenever an emotion or behaviour is so excessive as to be unrealistic and abnormal, it may be an indication of reaction formation at work. Reaction formation can lead to very uncritical behaviour from subordinates who would like to be critical of superiors, and conversely reaction formation against dependency can result in aggressiveness and hostility towards those in power, making sensible cooperation impossible. This is often observed at work where someone will become obsessive about a clear desk policy and yet it can be impossible to find anything in their files or computer directories. Denial This consists of an attempt to deny the existence of an unpleasant or unwanted piece of external reality. This is normally quickly passed through but in some cases can be persistent. In work this occurs when a new manager is appointed and yet an individual persists in going directly to their previous boss or to the next highest in the chain of command. In IT this occurs when someone refuses to work with a new piece of software and ignores it existence completely. Secondary Gain Resistance Secondary gain results from asking for help about something – perhaps a work task when in fact what the person really wants is attention (the secondary gain). This often occurs in people who feel unwanted and rejected - they crave attention, if not affection, in order to cope with their weaknesses and insecurities. They will appear to co-operate to receive attention, but they will resist actual change. The ability to adjust to change and stand on one's own would imply losing these gratifications. Warning signs are when a normally competent person begins to ask for help with tasks that they have been performing perfectly well for some time and there is no explanation for their inability to cope such as an increased work load. Decision Strangulation Decision strangulation is where more and more information is sought before a decision can be made and where the decision seems to need more and more people to make it. It is effectively putting so many reasonable objections in the path that eventually either the moment has passed or the individual has so much information that no action is taken. This is the classic Civil Service response of appointing a committee or asking the Monopolies and Mergers Commission to report on an activity - the action takes so long that the chance for change has passed by. Interestingly enough the individual appears to be positive and co-operative, but is in effect creating space for indecision and avoidance of the issue. Isolation This defence mechanism involves moving further and further away - refusing to speak to any group members and cutting themselves off from all activity. This can be physically – moving into a small distance office or psychologically – always appearing too busy or treating people snappily when approached. It can be very disruptive in a working environment since the individual takes no part whatsoever in the proceedings even those that involve them. For instance they will not contribute to the decision on which desk to have (if moving offices) and will complain bitterly when they get a desk allocated. Isolation is effectively the most persistent form of denial. Recognising defence mechanisms Sometimes individuals are so focused on their defence mechanisms that they are easy to recognise. Sometimes they are not so consistent and over time we become aware that things are not OK. At first we can put this down to ‘being under the weather’ or ‘having an off day’ but a consistent patterns of behaviours may necessitate the simple enquiry “Are things OK with you? Would you like to chat about anything?” The following page gives a list of defence behaviours that may indicate that something is wrong. These are compared with general behaviour. There are two extremes illustrated – passive defence and aggressive defence. As mentioned above both forms occur in defence behaviour – often it is easier to spot the aggressive defence rather than the passive but both forms exist and cause problems. Non-verbal behaviour Voice Passive/submissive/defensive Assertive Aggressive/defensive/manipulative Sometimes wobbly Steady and firm Very definite and firm Tone may be whining or singsong Tone is middle range, full and warm Tone cold, may be sarcastic very soft or childish Clear, sounds sincere Hard and sharp Often dull and monotonous Neither too loud nor too quiet Strident, may shout Voice may rise at end of sentence Quiet, drops away at end of sentence Speech pattern Face Hesitant, many pauses Fluent and confident Fluent and very confident May be jerky, or even Pauses are intentional, not awkward Often abrupt and clipped May stress “you” words Stresses key “action” words Often interrupts, “shouts down” if interrupted Frequent throat clearing Steady, even pace Stresses “blaming” words and “you” words Gives up if interrupted If interrupted, waits for silence, then repeats calmly Often very fast “Ghost” smiles when expressing anger or being criticised Smiles when pleased Smile may be wry or disbelieving Frowns when angry Scowls when angry Eyebrows raised in anticipation (for rebuke) Normal expression is friendly, approachable and open Normal expression is set and unfriendly Expressions steady and do not flicker Jaw set firm, teeth clenched Jaw relaxed but not loose Chin thrust forward Evasive, can’t meet your eyes Meets your eyes often Tries to stare you out and dominate Often looks down Doesn’t stare you out Wrings hands Open hand movements, inviting others to speak Finger pointing Hunches shoulders Sits upright or relaxed Fist thumping Steps back Stands with head held up Sits bolt upright or leans sharply forward Covers mouth with hand Makes firm and definite movements, doesn’t fidget Stands upright with head in the air Expressions change frequently – grimace/frown/drop eyes - within a few seconds Eye contact Body Nervous movements - shuffles feet, if holding anything fiddles with it Raises eyebrows in amazement or disbelief Strides around impatiently Folds arms unapproachably Exercise 2 Defensive Mechanisms 1. Consider the list of defence mechanisms shown on the table overleaf and note whether you have ever experienced them – either by practising them yourself or observing them in someone with whom you have worked. If possible write down the circumstances that caused the defence reaction and what was done to resolve the problem. 10 minutes 2. Discuss these with another member of the course. 10 minutes each Total time = 30 minutes Defensive mechanism Repression Regression Projection Identification Reaction Formation Denial Secondary Gain Decision Strangulation Isolation Yes/No? Cause What happened? Preparing for a Counselling Discussion Introduction Ideally a counselling discussion needs to be as planned and prepared on your part as a discipline or coaching meeting. Apart from the ad hoc corridor meetings, a formal ‘quiet chat’ where you are encouraging a colleague to talk openly and freely with you needs certain safeguards. You need to consider and prepare for this meeting exactly as you would for an appraisal meeting or a discipline one. Location Naturally the location needs to be private. Ideally this should be in the individual’s office or your own. If you do not have individual offices then you need to book a meeting room where you are sure you can be alone for at least an hour. If this is impossible in your office location then consider booking a meeting room at a local hotel or serviced office provider. The ideal location should: ◊ Be private ◊ Have a door that can be shut ◊ Have plenty of natural light ◊ Be welcoming ◊ Be free from observation by others ◊ Be neutral (your office may be threatening with indications of status) Timing The conflict between the quiet calm needed for counselling and a busy working environment may seem incompatible, however if you schedule an hour for each session and stick to it without any interruptions then this will fulfil the needs of the counselling session and your work commitments. You need to ensure that you meet with the individual as soon as possible after they indicate they need some help but resist the temptation to rush into the nearest office, close the door and start the interview. Both you and they will be unprepared. Set a suitable date in both diaries as soon as possible. Remember that early morning or late evening may be possible times – you will certainly be free from interruptions but be careful of your body clock – if you are sat there yawning as they talk then it is not a good signal of attention! Preparation You need to prepare for the interview by reviewing the process of counselling (see later) and by ensuring that your diary and work commitments are clear for that time. You need to be able to focus all your attention onto your colleague and not be worrying about your own work priorities. You need to prepare the practical items too: ◊ phones and mobile phones and pagers diverted or switched off; ◊ coffee and tea available or sufficient change for the machines; ◊ clear desk ; ◊ adequate seating arrangements – chairs of same height and able to sit side-by-side3 rather than across a table or desk; ◊ appropriate temperature and ventilation in the room; ◊ box of tissues placed discretely near to hand; ◊ glasses of water to hand; ◊ ‘Do Not Disturb’ notice for door; ◊ pen and paper available for the individual’s use ◊ address book/useful phone numbers Resources Counselling involves helping someone to come to their own decisions and setting their own plan of action. You may know of resources that can help – names of people such as solicitors; personnel representatives; doctors; phone number of the Citizen Advice Bureau and so on but you should only give these when requested. However it helps to have a list of resources handy rather than using the dreaded words “I’ll come back to you”. If the counselling has been successful then the individual may want to take immediate action – a delay in providing them with information can result in them pulling back from action. Yourself Research has found that men confide better when talking side-by-side and avoiding direct eye contact when the conversation becomes personal; women confide better on personal things when talking directly face-to-face. 3 In professional counselling each counsellor is required to have a mentor or advisor – their own counsellor if you like. In discussing situations and emotions with an individual these can sometimes trigger thoughts and emotions from the counsellor’s past. Obviously you yourself need to be OK emotionally before you seek to act as a counsellor to someone. If you are going through problems yourself then your best course of action is to recommend that the individual talk with someone else. T Harris devised the OK Corral to explain the various states of stability from which we meet with people. From your own perspective of yourself you can feel OK or not OK. In other words you have self-esteem and regard yourself as a worthwhile human being (I’m OK) or may not have a very high opinion of yourself (I’m not OK). Equally you have perceptions of others. You may regard them as worthwhile human beings in their own right (You’re OK) – despite any problems they have – or you may not give them any esteem and ‘look down on them’ (You’re not OK). For further words around the four states and how they interact together see the diagram overleaf. Any counselling has to be from a position of I’m OK; You’re OK. To avoid you burdening the individual with your own problems you need to make sure that you have some means of dealing with your own emotions post-counselling. A suggestion on this is to agree a mutual support contract with another member of this training course so that you can counsel each other and discuss your emotions after running any counselling sessions. OK Corral In life we take up various positions in terms of our attitude towards others and towards ourselves, depending upon our own feelings and our perceptions of others. T. Harris described these in terms of the OK Corral. Depending upon where we see ourselves will depend upon our reaction to and interactions with others. YOU'RE OK I'M OK I'M NOT OK YOU'RE NOT OK Actively declines to put self or others down Continually puts others down "Gets on with " "Gets rid of" • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Position of equality Optimistic Positive Content At Ease Constructive Confident Assertive Position of superiority Anger Hostility Condescending Inflated self-worth Sees others as incompetent Exploits others Continually puts self down Continually puts self and others down "Get away from" "Gets nowhere" • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Position of inferiority Sadness Inadequacy Stupidity Incapable compared with others Convince themselves that they are not good enough Can't do things YOU'RE OK Position of withdrawal from situations No-one can help me Can see no way out Aimless Pointless Confused Why bother? YOU'RE NOT OK Establishing Ground Rules Introduction At the start of any counselling session you need to establish some ground rules. These will ensure that both you and the individual know what to expect during the meetings and what will happen outside. Ground Rules enable both sides of ‘open up’ and to get the best out of the counselling session. Suggested Ground Rules 1. A counselling session is designed to assist the individual to come to their own conclusions about a course of action. 2. The individual has the responsibility of receiving all responses and acting upon them accordingly by personal choice in the matter 3. All information discussed in these meetings is confidential unless there are any implied or intended threats to life, health or safety of yourselves or others. 4. All records of these meetings will be held securely 5. Each meeting will be of no more than one hour in length 6. The ‘counsellor’ will state when the issue is one that he or she is not qualified to handle or requires specialist professional help 7. Neither party will waste the time of the other by holding these meetings unnecessarily Creating Openness Most organisations value openness, honest and trust. Whilst these are excellent values it is in the practise of these that organisations are judged and sometimes appear lacking. You need to encourage openness within your counselling session and can best encourage this by being open yourself. If this is the first such session you have run then tell the individual. If you have received counselling yourself, then say so. Openness is telling someone information about yourself that is not widely known or in the public domain. By sharing information that is personal to you, you are showing openness and allowing the person to be open in return. Johari’s Window
