Duration: 38:16 Tiffany: I just have these few questions for you How much do I owe you at liest Two hundred dollars two hundred fifty I will give you whatever you want There’s nobody that I know that knows about this so I want to know just like you did last night because I can’t move on Clearly it’s like killing me The guy sent me a message today he wants me to comeback over there, you know Cause he’s gonna you know if I go over there then I’ll then I wouldn’t of drank today and it’s like It’s not like I drink today it’s just that I was I’m up all night and like I had a beer or two today and then like I’m all fucked up cause I drank all last night quite frankly I’d like to really like to take a week and just decompress but uhm the fact of the matter is I made some commitments And I follow thru uhm. But that’s okay But like umm But the, the, the, the, the, the point of the matter is that there’s still some fundamental issues that I need some clarification on, that I don’t feel like you’re sharing those things with me. How do some people know this shit? DOCTOR 01:37 So... TIFFANY: I mean I… DOCTOR: you were born with math ability right? It was always a gift for you, right? TIFFANY 01:46 Mhm, yeah So, yeah big time, I’m not naïve. I mean, I cant… DOCTOR that’s a gift, right? TIFFANY: this is different This is totally different Its Segway DOCTOR: No, how is it different Everybody has different gifts Some people can ride horses some people can do math some people can you know hear what people say in their mind TIFFANY: its different It’s different One time in and and um I never told him uhm like that ahh you know even that we had Cabin in Lake Tahoe but like let alone my mom’s favorite song for my dad my dad use to sing it to me was Billy Joel’s like umm that one where he talks about the angles And then one night in the middle of the night he started to sing that to me Like he knows shit He, im talking about we’re talking about somebody who is smarter maybe than us No but maybe not and but he’s trying but the thing is, here’s his purpose he’s trying to bring me to a greater level and become a better person which is he um this is why I fell in love One time we were um you were DOCTOR: 03:17 how can TIFFANY: no, no , so listen to me for a second one time we were going to the baby doctor and what ever we were talking about the world. We were um. This one is special. He’s a pervert, Yeah, fine, sure you gotta have some sort of fault. I don’t care about pervert. Like uhm this one like I care about the mind. And uhm and and and that’s why and you know I don’t want to be in a relationship with him. But uhm… the mind is spectacular More so than anything that I ever met And I have met the smartest of the smartest and umm DOCTOR 03:59 as you said last night a smart robot is still a robot TIFFANY no but he wants to help people What did I say “The smartest robot is still a robot” No but he’s not a robot DOCTOR: well but you said you’ve met very smart people TIFFANY: the smartest people DOCTOR 04:17 but I’m saying if they’re robots they’re just smart Tiffany: Remember when I read you that email and I said like he’s gonna marry me and I’m the only one that’s gonna marry him DOCTOR: Yes which is not true Tiffany: You know I read that over and over I’ve read that to him. He respond to that He doesn’t respond to a lot because he thinks people are bullshit He doesn't take time, he’ll be like cunt, bitch, fuck, its like he doesn't umm respond The thing is there’s a higher level of people and I just want you to know that you have to trust me. DOCTOR 04:58 tiffany, I met a lot of people that operate on whole different levels TIFFANY I mean I can’t be with this one He’s fucking completely defunk but he’s part of it Uhm you know I don’t want to be with him I wouldn’t be sitting here like oh my God, I’m trying to be with somebody. I don’t want to be with him at all. But he uhh He uhh he showed me he did show me something that Brandon kinda led the path to but then I over step that and out grew that and then umm, I mean im saying is telling you what I’m saying is true, but I mean I’m talking on a fucking toxic level But he’s not trying to hurt anybody he’s just annoyed so he’s hurting people. It’s not my job you’re right. It’s not my job to help him but like I mean this sounds like really like uhm Fucking crazy DOCTOR 06:06 lets talk about addiction. Right? Not that you are addicted but like what is addiction?. Addiction is TIFFANY 06:16 fuck addiction. Lets talk about like what we can do with the world DOCTOR: you gotta be sober before you can do that TIFFANY Dude it doesn't even matter if im sober or not. I ran the river I ran 31 Dams and a Nuclear Power Plant not even drunk, but like dumb like if I were drunk now, I mean I’d be running a hell of a system You know, so like me being I am talking about don’t let Addiction get in the way of like, But addiction does play a huge role DOCTOR: it clouds your judgment. TIFFANY: Thank God! I need it! DOCTOR you need your judgment clouded TIFFANY you know that it is so fucking right there in the face like that I would shoot myself in the fucking goddamn head I swear to god. I mean I wouldn’t but like are you fucking kidding me? Like. DOCTOR: so, I don’t like, swearing so I’ll tell you that right now I’m sorry sorry I don’t like people being late (but murder is ok) so im just there’s rules if you want to talk to me TIFFANY: and I failed at everything DOCTOR: so far, but you know we’re still working on it because You’re a work in progress TIFFANY: I’m sorry but I promise that I will pay you know like DOCTOR: 07:28 well you’re gonna pay for today cause you can’t book the time and not pay, for it but, uhm, so You know, So what you have with this guy (John) Is like taking Acid for the first time or taking something that changes the way you view your reality TIFFANY: Yeah Every word that he say’s is different DOCTOR 07:56 And so the thing is you’re attached to it but let me tell you this person (John) he’s not even worth thinking about. TIFFANY: how do you know that? Because this person can save the World. DOCTOR: Everybody can save the world TIFFANY: Is the world worth saving? DOCTOR That’s, That’s not even really worth It not even worth It’s a philosophical TIFFANY Why do I care DOCTOR: that’s not worth talking about TIFFANY: Why, why do I care then? DOCTOR 08:37 Why do you care about the world or why do you care about him? TIFFANY: No, I care about him. He keeps consuming my whole life. I mean I don’t talk to him like this I mean if I ever talk to him I tell him to like fuck yourself. DOCTOR: 08:49 so think about a people that are so So think about beta and omega personalities that are so addicted to something like, coke or meth right? What do they do? or heroin? They’re totally craving all the time TIFFANY: its not about the drugs take drugs out of picture. DOCTOR: Uh I know, but listen to the metaphor. Tiffany: Ok Doctor: They’re all like wacked out on their substance of choice, right? When they don’t have it there cracked out, and when they do have it they’re high, and in blissful state. You’re cracked out on this guy. It’s not love TIFFANY: no, cause he doesn’t really know who I am. Otherwise he wouldn’t make the assumptions that he makes. DOCTOR: 09:39 it’s like you have all these things that you’ve attached to him Tiffany: not really, it’s a process you know it’s a feeling DOCTOR 10:00 if you wanna be greater (removed loud sound from audio) change your behavior (LOUD SOUND GONE) TIFFANY: I need to hear this DOCTOR: 10:22 And……you know…. TIFFANY 10:25 well what kind of behavior should I have Do I fancy a fucking like with accent Tiffany behavior What do I do? What’s that mean Like do I do my hair different or wear fucking DOCTOR: it doesn’t have to do with the exterior It never has… TIFFANY: Well I’m not like Yoga, meditation like you can’t meditate, when you can’t meditate. maybe you have to change people you’re around. DOCTOR 11:02 you can’t meditate? Do yoga, if you cant do yoga do tai chi if you can’t do Tai Chi go join some martial arts. Get yourself to a place where you’re doing something regularly TIFFANY: 11:18 I know that’s what I need to do That’s what I need to do DOCTOR: a place stable a place to live where you’re not transient TIFFANY seriously DOCTOR 11:30 I mean, because you know Tiffany I haven’t been on Facebook for months now but the behavior that I was seeing for a while coming out of your Facebook page im going to Thailand, I’m doing this. I’m doing that. That’s are all great things when you’re grounded and you’re centered but you know “can you help me move from bend”. Im Couch surfing on so & so’s couch y’know? TIFFANY And I’m 35 DOCTOR: well it doesn’t even matter whether you’re 35 or not it’s like, all that transient behavior makes it easy to fall into traps of use of substances and other kind of transient behaviors. You know? Not being protected not being in a space that you’re comfortable in and so that you know you drink to have a get yourself in a protected TIFFANY well as you know, a normal human being there, what should you recommend? to get just a place for a month or two in Portland? DOCTOR 12:38 for a month or two I suggest that you get some kind of job that you will enjoy. TIFFANY no, no, im not gonna work DOCTOR 12:48 because if you have if you don’t work or you don’t have some consistency within your life TIFFANY: all I want is some space so I can write I still haven’t been able to breathe since I left working All I wanted was to breathe DOCTOR: so go down to brientenbush (local hot spring) and ask if you can live there and participate. TIFFANY ill kill a hippie DOCTOR all that I’m just saying is that you need some consistency TIFFANY: 13:12 I know hard work Trust me I know what all of that entails and I’m not trying to be like this or that. I’m really trying to look like, like I I’ve explored it more than you know and that’s why you’re like Well check your ego but the thing is you know and that’s why I kept trying to explain myself So that you wouldn’t have to ask or say the same thing twice. DOCTOR 13:40 if you don’t have some consistency If you don’t have some sacred space to be in you’re going to okay lets just talk about writer’s in general like Hemingway. Hemingway was a drunk and an addict And he eventually committed suicide Sure, he wrote some great stories. But because he didn’t have any consistency, and he could do whatever he wanted, he tended to drink. TIFFANY: how did he kill himself? DOCTOR: shotgun in the face TIFFANY: isn’t that how all guys kill themselves? DOCTOR: so, you know, it’s like if you if you want to to TIFFANY: influence DOCTOR: first you gotta straighten your shi-stuff out. In order to straighten your stuff out you need consistency and ritual. To bring you back to a place of center. TIFFANY Thank You. Doctor: And for most people that’s a job. If it’s not a job for you go donate your time and be somewhere regularly But, have a schedule TIFFANY 15:00 I don’t even know how to do that. DOCTOR huh? TIFFANY: I cant I can’t even figure out how to I don’t even know when the morning is DOCTOR 15:17 So you wanna do impossible things right To do Impossible things. Things that are greater than the world, right? Things that like to heal the world or what have you right? To be able to do impossible things, you need to start doing things. Period. If you think you’re a channel of great ideas and the spirit is talking to you or what have you, then you know you just wasting spirit’s time if you just jotting down ideas not saying that writing is a not important but TIFFANY: Alright DOCTOR but like you know it takes action. You gotta act on it. Can’t just think about it. Otherwise, what happens when the spirit moves on? And, other thing feels like fills its place? TIFFANY: Yeah But it’s so convoluted and I mean im not gonna sit here and discuss it all But it makes you want to shoot yourself in the head DOCTOR: Only I guess if you’re you TIFFANY: I mean not really I’m not really gonna go from the session and shoot myself in the head But im saying hypothetically and theoretically and like everything and like if you know it makes you take a look at that picture, it would make a normal person wanna shoot and in me say I’m normal, okay fine, shoot yourself in the mother fucking head DOCTOR: why? TIFFANY: Because everything’s fucked DOCTOR That’s your You’re wearing ruby lenses TIFFANY: No aren’t ruby lenses I wish they were It’s like when you already you know when video lottery Its like when small business are gone in America you know were gone DOCTOR 17:24 Your cup’s have half empty Tiffany? TIFFANY oh its not my cup. Baby DOCTOR Your perspective on the life is half empty. TIFFANY 17:34 We can always change our perspective, and I can be okay at all times. I know that I don’t wanna kill myself. I would never hurt myself. God, I got cut my finger once and that was an accident. And it really hurt, but I wasn’t trying to hurt myself. But, uh no, I’m gonna fight this one out. You know like, But, seriously like it’s really fucking hard to watch. Cause, it’s like, really? Why do I even put effort into this? Why am I trying to do this? Like I hope so, there’s something more. DOCTOR: 18:15 Don’t get caught up in the future. TIFFANY: Why not? DOCTOR: Cause the future is not here. What’s right here right now is the present. And if, you can’t live in the present how are you ever gonna be that thing doing in the future? You know? It’s not like there’s so many people that believe in the end of the world or what have you in a mass extinction etc. etc. TIFFANY: I don’t believe in that. It’s not my belief. It’s not my thought. DOCTOR: The world’s gonna come to an end Right? TIFFANY: yeah you know Herbert Hoover in 1941 he saved , 1939 he saves some eight million people from starvation and he’s the one who figured out How to just get shit from one place to another He helped Europe out he saved Europeans from starvation By just figuring out like what road to take what forest service road to take except it was European forest service roads and uhm that’s what made him the vice president of United States he saved 8 million people from starvation cause he cared you know? Who the fuck at that point cared? I mean half the people probably thought the world was still flat. DOCTOR: so, you have a mantra that keeps going through your head that comes out a little bit differently but you keep repeating similar stuff, that people don’t care and that people are you know like that the worlds gonna go to hell and people are gonna die and its like all this darkness Tiffany. TIFFANY: It is. Its very fucking dark. Its fucking so dark. DOCTOR: and you’re totally all wrapped up in it TIFFANY: Yeah I should be DOCTOR Why? TIFFANY: because I care DOCTOR: Caring you are totally projecting, you’re projecting that this is going to happen. Not even… TIFFANY: You can project things when you see what I do because I do good math and I run simulations and I you know I managed the river but that’s a one short math game which I know in 24 hours The water that goes to Grand Cooley Dam is gonna go through Bonneville Dam. You know, and that’s just one way of small analogy to say that you can apply those things to different parts of life. And I’m not some stupid girl. I’m somebody that you should listen to And, I’m not trying to make a change ‘cause I don’t know what the fuck to do either. DOCTOR: I am not calling you stupid. I am just saying that TIFFANY 21:45 But I’m just saying that like. You’re right and thank you. But, why? Because it is fucking devastating. And it is hard to watch and it does hurt to watch it. Watch it, you’re gonna watch it with me. DOCTOR of course I am TIFFANY I mean its not like gonna be like all the TV shows and the vampires and the whatever and the maybe it is you know? DOCTOR So Tiffany, why do you think, why do you think you’re here Why do you think you’re on the planet TIFFANY: to help other people. DOCTOR 22:34 So, if the Creator or God put you here, whatever you wanna call him, don’t you think that he did it with a reason? TIFFANY: Yeah, DOCTOR: 22:48 and don’t you think he guess you’re probably strong enough to deal with it? TIFFANY: big time they know that I should be teaching this class, and I should be telling people DOCTOR: No, but because nobody… TIFFANY: But nobody would listens to me I just have to wrap my brain around somebody else’s head. I mean its not like, I’m like some like I mean I they could Seriously, it’s not like I’m some girl who goes to work for Taco Bell and then comes over then needs a therapy lesson. I mean, I am I anything I wanna do I can do what I do and like it’s not like I’m looking for a job. I’m like looking for a purpose but I know I’m not gonna go and pop out babies either because I know that that’s not it, and it’s not like I’m going crazy either because I know how to chill out and meditate. DOCTOR: So, Tiffany, before you started using cocaine TIFFANY: No DOCTOR 23:54 back when you use to see me as a patient TIFFANY: I only used cocaine for that one year and I never touched it again until about I’m seriously like 2 months ago. DOCTOR 24:03 But your conversation was relatively rational, right? You weren’t in this depressed state. TIFFANY: I was a robot. And the day I figured out, I started writing about a year and a half ago two years ago Right after my dad died Anyways I started writing and the day I figured out that I was a robot I fucking killed my I tried to kill myself I took 20 Trazodone and uh I wanted to die cause I was like, Fuck! This is shit! Excuse my language. I know you don’t cuss. Because I wanted to die, cause I couldn’t believe it. And then I was in the lunnybin for like a week. And then I wasn’t supposed to be normal again. It was all weird fucking and wacked out excuse my language again But, uhm and I’m not gonna be like I’m not supposed to be here I’m here and I don’t care if there is a reason for it or not I’m here, and I’m not gonna kill myself. DOCTOR You need to get it together TIFFANY 25:16 Oh Jesus Christ what it takes to kill a Jenks? I can’t even kill myself. I was trying I really was like. Fuck this shit Because, seriously I didn’t realize when I met you the first time I didn’t realize I was a robot I didn’t realize that’s how the world operated I listened to everything that you said last night when I recorded it and I heard it differently too and I liked that. DOCTOR 25:26 You need to get it together TIFFANY: What do I do get a nice dress and a good pair of heels DOCTOR: 26:05 it’s not an external get it together you’re all shattered on the inside. TIFFANY: Because it’s not about me. DOCTOR: No one person can carry the weight of the world on their shoulders You’d be you’d be insane to try TIFFANY: But that’s a stupid thing to say because you don’t know what I’m seeing DOCTOR: The only way you can help anybody is by getting your shit together inside of you TIFFANY: 26:48 Yeah he said that but they also said to me that umm you find them when you’re not looking (John) That’s really dumb Tell me something else Tell me something that’s real DOCTOR: And you know you’re not you cannot look outside for any of this None of this on the exterior TIFFANY 27:17 I know, I know that part DOCTOR: You can’t look for it in anybody else you gotta find it in you TIFFANY: I just need to know how to filter it DOCTOR: You need to purify yourself You need to get rid of all your demons you’re packing around TIFFANY Why the fuck do I have to have all these demons my whole life DOCTOR: huh TIFFANY: I mean I like them there my friends DOCTOR I know that’s part of the problem You like dark things You always have. TIFFANY I mean but I’m really fucking golden And I’m really golden I mean I don’t want to say I’m the best person in the room, but I’m the best person in the room DOCTOR: Well, if you are golden then shine and choose to TIFFANY: I already did that And it’s not about showing it. DOCTOR: it’s not about showing it it’s about shining inwardly TIFFANY: Sometimes you have to go to hell to help everybody else that’s fallen. DOCTOR: I disagree TIFFANY 28:48 Have you been there? DOCTOR: I dealt with demons in people, and it’s not pretty TIFFANY: I don’t believe in that bullshit. Do you really believe in that DOCTOR: 29:15 You need to start believing TIFFANY: Belief is a mechanism in your head It’s not an actual It doesn’t work Belief is the only thing that keeps us going yeah If I started believing oh my god I’d believe in everything. Everything Why not? I’d be stupid not to right? DOCTOR that’s what I said last night and I said you are stupid too You cannot walk around with a cup with just as a sheet of paper blank ready to have everything written on it TIFFANY: But you cant walk around with somebody else’s rules that’s just not how it’s done And I’m not trying to be something different but something’s wrong the math is wrong There’s something wrong and it’s real easy and I know that it’s a real easy to fix almost like a fucking bandaid on a tire But I can’t put my finger in it It’s not me I’m talking about right? Something’s wrong Nobody talks about it. DOCTOR 30:54 Well I said I would give you 20 minutes and I gave you 35 so I think we settled up and talk a little bit more but You can’t I don’t. I don’t know how to help you anymore Tiffany besides that you need to not fall into addictive behavior You need to be stronger because what that means to me is being strong enough TIFFANY I wanna kill myself and that’s a good way to do it. You know I’m not really trying to kill myself but like fuck I really like its nice to check out. Its too all encompassing I mean you have no idea of what I’ve seen and it’s not like I’ve seen like all hardships or whatever I mean I can feel brains I can do like whatever I can like that I can loose my dad and I can lose my best friend whatever I’m fine. But like its all that stuff it’s true with that there’s a woman that says uhm that we’re scared of what we can do you know? DOCTOR: Do you wanna text? Or receipt? TIFFANY No. I’ll get it on here. That we’re scared of what we can do DOCTOR: Why? TIFFANY That we are powerful beyond measure you know DOCTOR: 32:42 I know all that. TIFFANY: Cause nobody here will really believe that And I’m starting to realize that. That sounds really fucked. Maybe I’m just a stupid drunk? I’d like to be that I seriously would Can you fucking knock me in the head. I’ll give you 200 dollars knock me in the fucking head. DOCTOR: can I what TIFFANY: I’ll give you 200 dollars knock me in the head I’m just kidding DOCTOR: There’s nobody who can fix you but you. TIFFANY 33:40 I know DOCTOR: And TIFFANY: I hate that. DOCTOR: you can’t like you have to choose to be different TIFFANY: I know.. DOCTOR as long as this whatever voice is muttering stuff inn you and the mantra is going on and on and on your head TIFFANY: Do you see a pattern? DOCTOR: 34:06 Yeah TIFFANY: What’s the mantra? DOCTOR Darkness you see darkness? TIFFANY: Yeah DOCTOR: 34:17 It’s like the little boy whatever movie “I see dead people.” You know, Bruce Willis movie. Its like that, you see, you see darkness and you keep muttering darkness and you need to change what you see TIFFANY: I can’t its too late DOCTOR: Well…then. Then what are you doing here? TIFFANY: That’s exactly why I’m fucking talking to you DOCTOR: And I’m telling you it’s never too late. TIFFANY: That’s the thing You can’t fucking put a rosy ass On everything. DOCTOR: If you want to be led down that path of darkness you will create it for yourself TIFFANY: I should actually lead it. DOCTOR 35:07 You will create it for yourself. More energy this is. This is math The more energy you put towards something the more you create it TIFFANY: 35:17 I should lead it because at least I know which direction it’s going And I know there’s not enough power to make it I mean there’s DOCTOR: You should not lead the darkness. You should change direction if that’s what you think is happening. You need to start making decisions that change that for you. You affect others If you can affect others TIFFANY I know DOCTOR you can affect many things TIFFANY I would never do that DOCTOR but if you. Like most people TIFFANY: 36:00 Sometimes you can take like uh in science you can take sometimes you cant take something Let’s say you have a ball of energy if you will if you come at it with enough force no matter what it is if it’s positive and negative Then you hit it with the right amount of force you can eliminate It’s the but you have to have both of those forces to eliminate it it’s really important thing to think of And I don’t think of this very often But it’s something that I know And it’s not gonna happen in my lifetime sadly, I’m gonna be old when it happens. I don’t know if I will have that much force. But I’ll fuckin settle for darkness trying just to make sure. And i wont to have to I’ll just try to get married and have kids hopefully they have kids that they are good people And who cares? We’re only going to be a fucking fossil. It’s not like we’re like trilobytes. From the Tertiary Period. Please don’t leave at me for about three seconds. DOCTOR It’s not about everything (SOUND OF RECORDER MOVING) TIFFANY 38:09 I’m sorry. I know you have to go The following Recoding was made about 10 or less days before Tiffany Jenks was shot and killed. The audio she recorded with his permission. You’re cracked out on this guy. It’s not love TIFFANY: no, cause he doesn’t really know who I am. Otherwise he wouldn’t make the assumptions that he makes. DOCTOR 09:39 it’s like you have all these things that you’ve attached to him Tiffany: not really, it’s a process you know it’s a feeling Although her icloud was completely deleted out according to apple just 2 days before she was shot and killed the audio was recovered via Family share and ITunes Back up To this day the family, and Richard A Lovett continue to lie and protect the real doctor and his name listed on her credit card statement of $200.00 Police also have failed to provide FOIA requests. Rick (Tiffanys ex roommate from Portland Oregon) continues to provide his own story of who this doctor is. However, John Captain remains confident the family has the one single proof that will show the truth “the visa slip from the bank on her credit card charges” but they do not care about honesty or Tiffany’s life sadly.. I believe 100% his name is Jonathan weedman of Portland a licensed therapist protected by the group who murdered Tiffany. my complaints to the state have been stopped Ask your Therapist about this wording. Rick Lovett claims its Jonathan schell a Chinese guru or something not regulated or licensed. “A person who protects this doctor once is a liar always” John Captain Johncaptain@hotmail.com John S Captain on YouTube