| Lachlan Brown This eBook contains information that is intended to help the readers be better informed about their own health and wellness. It is presented as general advice, rather than medical advice. Please consult your medical professional if you have any serious health concerns. About Hack Spirit If you’ve ever wondered: “Where can I find practical self-improvement advice that gets results?”, you’re in the right place. Hack Spirit shares research-based answers and expert insight on how to live a mindful and awesome life. Our useful self-improvement advice is why over 30,000 people have subscribed to our email list, and thousands of people have bought our practical eBooks. Most so-called “self-help experts” advise you to try techniques like “positive thinking” or “positive visualization” to achieve your goals and live a better life. If only it were that easy… I learned the hard way that there’s a lot more to being happy than “positive thinking.” It takes action every day over a long period to create sustainable positive change in your life. That’s where Hack Spirit comes in. Our eBooks provide practical tips and strategies to help you live a more mindful and awesome life. No fluff or lightweight tips. Just insanely actionable advice that works. With thanks, Lachlan Brown, founder of Hack Spirit Contents About Hack Spirit.................................................................................... 3 Introduction: Why Learn about Eastern Philosophy?...................................... 7 Chapter 1: Mindfulness in a nutshell......................................................... 10 Why Be Mindful?........................................................................ 14 7 reasons to be more mindful, starting today............................. 15 1. Reduce rumination...................................................................... 17 2. Reduce stress.............................................................................. 18 3. Increase focus............................................................................. 19 4. Increase emotional strength........................................................ 19 5. The freedom to live fully............................................................ 20 6. Relationship satisfaction............................................................. 21 7. What you can see, you can change............................................. 22 Chapter 2 : 4 Incredibly Effective Mindfulness Practices............................... 23 Waking Up.................................................................................. 24 Breathing.................................................................................... 26 Eating Mindfully......................................................................... 29 Getting Down and Getting Up.................................................... 30 Try this exercise.......................................................................... 32 Chapter 3: How to Meditate...................................................................... 34 Sitting meditation....................................................................... 35 Where to meditate.................................................................... 35 How to sit............................................................................... 36 How to focus........................................................................... 37 Focusing exercises................................................................... 39 Walking Meditation.................................................................... 41 Lying meditation......................................................................... 43 Yoga............................................................................................ 44 Ujjayi breath............................................................................... 45 List of Meditation Apps.............................................................. 46 Chapter 4: How to Cultivate Relationships................................................... 50 Acting with Compassion............................................................. 51 Try this exercise.......................................................................... 53 Loving kindness meditation........................................................ 53 Dealing with Enemies................................................................. 56 Focus and attention.................................................................... 59 Chapter 5: How to Minimize Harm............................................................... 61 Chapter 6: How to Rest and Heal............................................................... 67 Self-Care or procrastination?..................................................... 69 Suggestions for Finding Deeper Rest and Relaxation................ 71 The Woman Who Loved Titanic.................................................. 75 Changing the Film: A Short Guide to Non-Attachment............. 77 What Are Your Attachments?...................................................... 80 Letting Go (or at least ease up on your grip)............................. 82 How can you “join the dust of the world”?............................... 83 Dialectical Behavioral Therapy................................................. 85 Conclusion. .......................................................................................... 87 Bonus chapter: Historical Background of Eastern Philosophical Traditions..... 92 Buddhism.................................................................................... 93 Hinduism.................................................................................... 94 Jainism........................................................................................ 95 Sikhism........................................................................................ 95 Taoism (Daoism)........................................................................ 96 Introduction Why Learn about Eastern Philosophy? 7 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life It’s dawn at the temple and a group of white-clad meditators walk slowly uphill. The air is heavy with humidity and silence, broken only by intermittent gecko cries and the soft rustling of leaves in the breeze. One by one, they sit on the floor, breathing deep and regular, minds open to the day’s Dharma Talk which is about to begin. If you visit a Buddhist monastery to undertake a meditation retreat, you’ll become familiar with a morning routine such as this one. But most of us don't have time to spend months at a Buddhist retreat. We have busy lives. And if we're going to invest time and effort into something, we want to see results. Intensive meditation retreats are wonderful, but they are not the only way to bring mindfulness and other eastern teachings into your life. You don’t have to travel to the most remote cave or mountain or desert to find a sense of calm, acceptance, and peace. All of these things are already in your mind. It is called mindfulness, after all. You can learn how to meditate, foster healthier relationships, heal from pain and trauma, and unburden yourself from intrusive negative thoughts right here, right now, where you already are. The teachings of Eastern Philosophy have the power to transform your life. Scientists have discovered that regular meditation can enhance your concentration, lower your stress levels, and improve the quality 8 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life of your sleep. Psychologists have even started using meditation to treat depression, chronic pain and PTSD. With consistent meditation you can wake up in the morning with a clear mind, full of energy and motivation to achieve your goals. If meditation has so many obvious benefits, why doesn't everyone do it? A lot of information about Buddhism is esoteric and difficult to understand. Advice about showing gratitude to the universe or experiencing joy isn't applicable to most people's lives. I want to offer pragmatic advice for daily life, grounded in these ancient traditions. In this book, you'll get lots of simple, actionable tips that you can put into practice straight away. I'll walk you through your first meditation, and give you some straightforward but powerful exercises to help you be more mindful every day. Together we're going to work to strengthen your relationships, increase your emotional resilience, and systematically train your mind. We’ll leave abstract and theoretical concerns behind. This book is about you: a happier, calmer, wiser you. Let’s get started. 9 Chapter 1 Mindfulness in a nutshell 10 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life Mindfulness. Awareness. Consciousness. Wakefulness. Living in the moment. Being in the now. Appreciating the present. Stopping and smelling the roses. These many names describe a deceptively simple concept. Mindfulness has skyrocketed in popularity in recent decades. While this concept has ancient origins, it has now become mainstream in the modern world. Celebrities, athletes, and CEOs alike endorse “mindfulness training.” Doctors and therapists integrate mindfulness into treatment plans. And countless apps such as Insight Timer, Headspace, and Calm have emerged to fill the demand for instruction in mindfulness meditation. What is the hype all about? How has an ancient concept connected to Hinduism and Buddhism so captivated the modern world, gaining followers among many people who are otherwise secular or not religious? And practically speaking, what do you need to know about mindfulness to lead a happier and more peaceful life? Mindfulness is defined as the mental state you achieve when you’re aware of the moment, and you don’t shy away from the feelings, thoughts, and sensations that arise. Simply put, mindfulness is the practice of deliberately paying attention: to your thoughts and feelings, to the sensations of your body, and to 11 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life your surroundings. Yet at the same time, you’re not involving yourself in any of these things. You notice, observe, and accept. To be mindful means to give your mind a break from rehashing the past or worrying about the future. Instead, we appreciate and accept the present. To be mindful means to realize that our lives consist of moments, and that each present moment is what we have. If we sleepwalk through our lives, going through our days on autopilot, we will inevitably miss an awful lot. Mindfulness is one of several methods for living in the moment. For example, there’s also the concept of “flow,” a state you may have experienced if you play sports. In a state of flow, you’re wholly engrossed in what you’re doing, your senses heightened and ready to take on a physical or intellectual challenge. This sense of challenge and movement is what separates flow from the stillness and calm of mindfulness. While mindfulness may not be the only way to live in the moment, I find that it is the best and most relaxing method to do so. Mindfulness is a powerful psychological process that has the ability to heal mental, spiritual, and emotional pain. Most of us aren’t as mindful 12 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life as we’d like to be, but we can always improve. Mindfulness is also closely connected to Buddhist ethics of loving kindness, compassion, and care for oneself and others. Cultivating a practice of mindfulness often goes hand in hand with developing a more generous outlook on the world. Practices such as meditation, yoga, and chanting show us the path to obtaining a state of mindfulness. However, even if we do yoga, chant, and meditate every day, that doesn’t mean we’re going to achieve mindfulness. These practices promote the ability to be mindful, but most of us have a hard time quieting the mind. It is a practice and a discipline all on its own. Imagine a world in which you feel no stress about the past or the future. You exist fully in the right now without regret, dread, self-recrimination, or anxiety. Sound impossible? Maybe so, but this alternative world is perhaps closer than you think. While there is no magic wand that can erase all of your life’s struggles and woes, mindfulness can provide you powerful tools to brave the inevitable storms that arise. In this chapter, I outline the benefits of mindfulness, in case you need any further convincing! In Chapter 2, I explain how to develop a daily habit of mindfulness in 13 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life your own life. You’ll get four simple, yet incredibly effective exercises to help you foster mindfulness. Why Be Mindful? Our minds wander constantly. • As you go for a hike, your mind might be replaying memories: a recent argument with your partner, a vacation you took last month, a worrying conversation with a friend. • As you sit at your desk at work, maybe you’re daydreaming about winning the lottery or planning ahead to what you’ll eat for dinner. • As you drive home, your mind might remain in the office, still brainstorming solutions and composing emails. How often do you truly live in the moment with complete focus on what you are doing? Eight hours per day? Three Hours? One? For most people, that number is quite small. Harvard researcher Matt Killingsworth developed an app called Track Your Happiness to get some data on what makes us happy. How does the app work? At random intervals over the course of the day, the app prompted its 15,000 users to indicate what they were doing, whether 14 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life their minds were wandering, and how happy they were. The results indicate that mind wandering is ubiquitous: Approximately 47% of the time, people are focused on something other than what they are actually doing. Additionally, Killingsworth noticed a striking connection between happiness and mindfulness. People who were mindful, who were concentrating on what they were doing, reported higher levels of happiness. This study is only one of many confirming what Buddhists already know: that mindfulness is a key component of living your best, happiest, most fulfilled life. 7 reasons to be more mindful, starting today You may not realize it, but your mind is constantly taking in new information and giving you feedback. It has a job to do, after all, which is to protect you. You may no longer need to run away from saber-toothed tigers, but you still have the fight or flight response. This response system now appears in small things like the nervousness you experience when you walk into a room full of strangers. Your mind perceives this as a time when you should either run or hide. It then sends messages to your nervous system. Your adrenaline is released and your mind starts to race even more. 15 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life All of this activity is happening in the body, creating all sorts of natural responses. That’s why you sweat when you’re nervous. Your brain is sending messages to the body that it’s time to fight or run. Yet all these signals can become overwhelming, and living in a state of chronic stress and tension is bad for your health. When you begin to find presence in the moment, you will be more aware of the things your brain is telling you. Your mind is constantly looking back on your past to find familiar situations to help you cope with current circumstances. A familiar past situation might only be the smell in the air, triggering some nervous reaction to a non-threatening event. Maybe you were scratched by a cat at age three, and still experience fear and anxiety even around the docile and well-trained pets belonging to your friends. Sounds weird, right? Well, it happens to us all. We give the brain this impossible job. We tell it to protect us and it works day and night to fulfill its job. It doesn’t like the unfamiliar and you may act out if the brain becomes overwhelmed. There is a way out, though – mindfulness. When you begin to watch over your thoughts, you don’t react to the things you once did. You can observe the uncomfortable feelings the brain creates and not react. This becomes a new, more peaceful way of dealing with life. Your mind then has a new kind of reference. This is 16 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life how mindfulness allows you to cope and puts you back in control of your life. Here are some of the key benefits of mindfulness. 1. Reduce rumination Ruminating is when you repetitively go over a thought or problem without finding the solution. Some might call it obsessing. Numerous studies have shown that mindfulness reduces rumination, which is a major contributor to stress and anxiety disorders. Mindfulness allows you to accept the part of you that ruminates while not engaging in that tendency. Your mind may want to talk and talk ad nauseam, but you can observe these thoughts, feelings, and worries from a remove. When ruminating takes over (when you’re not being mindful), you get stuck in a rut: You replay thoughts about that project you messed up, or all the bad luck you’ve had this week, or the things you’re dreading. When you practice mindfulness meditation, you’re aware of all these thoughts and fears, but you simply let them be, watching them as an observer rather than actively participating in them. 17 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life 2. Reduce stress When you’re more mindful, you chip away at the inner voices of your “monkey mind,” the part of your brain that leaps from thought to thought just as a monkey swings from vines. Mindfulness helps to quiet your monkey mind. Let me assure you, you’re not missing anything. These thought processes are only causing you misery and grief. There have been several dozen studies exploring mindfulness-based stress reduction. Researchers have found that mindfulness-based cognitive therapy is an effective treatment in many clinical disorders. Practicing mindfulness at home for smaller issues you face daily is advantageous for your mental health. You may even prevent the onset of clinical mental disorders and reduce negative emotions that decrease your quality of life. The next time you start to feel angry, anxious, or frustrated, try exploring the feelings that come up rather than feeding them. Where does the tightness sit? In your throat or belly? Scan down your body, noticing tense muscles. Notice your breath: Is it deep and even, or shallow and ragged? This is mindfulness. Neither avoiding these feelings, nor getting lost in them. 18 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life 3. Increase focus Cultivating a practice of mindfulness can enhance your powers of concentration in other areas of your life. Through meditation, you learn how to keep your focus on one thing at a time. You’re not easily distracted. Researchers have compared a group of experienced mindfulness meditators with a control group that had no experience. The results indicated that the group of experienced meditators had a greater attention span. When you practice mindfulness in a controlled setting, you’ll begin to figure out how it works – the feeling of expansion in the mind and the relaxation of all the muscles in the body. Once you get the hang of focusing and centering in your quiet place, you can start using it where it really counts in high-stakes situations. When life becomes overwhelming and everyone is demanding something, you can briefly center yourself. Instead of surrendering to the “monkey mind” and panicking, you can quickly focus and manage priorities. 4. Increase emotional strength Many people have extreme sensitivities or struggle to control their emotions. This makes it a challenge to flow through life without a care in the world. Extreme emotional sensitivity makes it difficult to enjoy life. 19 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life Again, this is an area in which mindfulness can help. Researchers have connected mindfulness meditation and self-reported mindfulness to attentional functioning and emotional elasticity. They found that people who practice mindfulness have less emotional reactivity. This doesn’t mean that you have less compassion; rather, you simply have more resilience and ability to cope with life’s inevitable trials. You’re able to help others in a crisis because you remain calm, without panicking or freezing. Through mindfulness, you can also begin to work through repressed emotions. Instead of shying away from them, you learn to feel them and let them move through you. As you practice this more and more, you don’t hit those emotional edges that trigger hurt, anger, and sadness. 5. The freedom to live fully When you hide away past emotions, you essentially put yourself in a cage of your own making. The only way out is to push through the uncomfortable truths you’ve been repressing. If you go near the edge of the cage, you feel extreme discomfort. In that place of discomfort, you can finally deal with past trauma and pain. Mindfulness is the key to escape from your emotional cage. 20 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life The more you deal with past emotions through mindfulness the less emotional disturbance can occur. Emotional disturbance is based on something that happened to you long ago, something you haven’t let go of. Through mindfulness, you can let go and then you can be free. 6. Relationship satisfaction A person’s ability to be mindful can be a predictor of how good a relationship will be. When you practice mindfulness, you’re more likely to respond well to any challenges or stress that arise in a relationship. You’re aware of your emotions and can communicate your feelings without blame. Studies have found that mindfulness can protect you from overreacting to relationship conflicts. Let’s face it, relationships aren’t always easy, but when you incorporate mindfulness, you can ease conflict. Even if there is no immediate or obvious solution, you won’t become anxious. You won’t fall into the storytelling of your ego and cause an unnecessary fight. What you will do is truly listen to what the person is saying without immediately lashing out in defense. Instead, you mindfully consider how you can help your partner and strengthen the relationship you’ve built. 21 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life If you experience strong emotions coming up, you don’t immediately react. You feel these emotions out instead. You pay attention to whatever tension comes up in the body and try to understand why you’re affected. This helps you to own what’s yours and not react to other people’s drama. 7. What you can see, you can change When you’re willing to look inside yourself, you can see what is and isn’t working. When you feel insecure, instead of avoiding the feeling, you can investigate. As you practice more and more, your mind will begin to reveal where these feelings really come from. You may recall a moment in your childhood where you felt abandoned or ignored, or realize that you never learned a particular skill. When you can grasp what is really going on and what emotions are stuck in your body, you can be rid of them for good. It only takes confronting these old bits of energy to truly be rid of them forever. This is how you evolve and move forward with your life without fears that make very little sense. You can be calm in a situation that would normally stress you out. Life is always changing but when you’re open to changing too, it’s not so uncomfortable. You can quickly adjust and even benefit from it. 22 Chapter 2 4 Incredibly Effective Mindfulness Practices 23 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life Many different philosophies—including Buddhism and Taoism—have developed concepts of mindfulness as well as strategies for cultivating it. In general, meditation is the primary practice through which we learn mindfulness. There are numerous forms of meditation, and countless ways to encourage a more mindful attitude in oneself. In Chapter 3 we will discuss some more formal, specific meditation strategies. However, you can be mindful without having to sit down and meditate. Here I’ll outline some simple yet incredibly effective mindfulness practices that you can introduce to your daily life. Waking Up Do you wake up with a smile, feeling excited for the new day? Or do you roll groaning out of bed, feeling groggy and irritable? So many of us feel incredibly cranky before our first cup or two of coffee. If you’re not a morning person, you might benefit from transforming your morning routine into a more mindful one. If you start the day in a way that gives you a sense of peace and fulfillment, you take that attitude into the rest of your day too. 24 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life Your morning routine will depend on what you personally need to feel ready to tackle the day. That said, here are a few suggestions to give yourself a morning boost: • Leave yourself plenty of time. Allow yourself to enjoy a peaceful morning instead of hitting snooze five times and then rushing around. • As you awaken, breathe deeply in and out, focusing on the sensation of the breath. Feel the weight of your body as you lie in bed, the weight of your head on your pillow. Allow yourself a few moments just to exist. • Get out of bed and perform a few gentle stretches to warm up your body—shoulder circles, arm circles, hip circles, ankle circles. • Meditate, even if only for 10 minutes. You can fit this in while you’re waiting for your eggs to cook, or leave the house a little earlier and spend a few minutes meditating in the car before your commute. • If you walk to work or school, try a walking meditation to get you into the right headspace for the day. There’s more on walking meditations in the next section. • Reflect on your goals for the day. When you focus on the things that are important to you every morning, you make it less likely that you’ll get sidetracked during the day by other tasks. • Eat a healthy breakfast and make a cup of herbal tea. Ideally, 25 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life allow yourself enough time to eat and drink mindfully instead of rushing (more on that below). • If time allows, get some exercise. The morning is a good time to go for a walk or jog or to practice yoga. Sound like a lot? So many of us are in a hurry every morning, frantically showering and rushing off to school or work. It may require some conscious effort and lifestyle changes to slow your morning down from its hectic pace and start your day with mindfulness. You might even be skeptical that these habits will make any difference in your life. In that case, why not try a month-long experiment? Consider shifting your bedtime and waking times earlier (by as little as 15 minutes per day) and gradually introduce several of the habits listed above. With some practice, you’ll likely find that mindful mornings pave the way for the rest of the day. Breathing This one’s as simple as breathing in and breathing out with a conscious awareness of your breath. We breathe all the time but usually hardly notice unless something is 26 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life wrong—if we’re short of breath after a steep hike, for instance, or if we have bad allergies. First, take stock of your posture and the quality of your breath as it is now. Sit down on a chair or couch in your usual posture, and ask yourself: Is my breath deep or shallow? Smooth and even or ragged? Take several deep breaths. How easy is it to breathe deeply? Does this feel natural? Does the air fill my upper lungs (making the chest rise) or does it flow fully into my lungs (making the stomach rise)? Once you’ve made these observations, sit up straight or stand upright, with your head aligned over your shoulders and hips. You might imagine that you’re a marionette puppet, with a string running down through your head and body, pulling you up toward the ceiling. Now continue to breathe deeply and observe your breath. With correct posture, your lungs should be free to expand fully, pushing your abdomen out as you inhale and pulling it in as you exhale. Buddhist practice encourages awareness of our breathing. If your breathing is shallow and your posture bad, your body can start to produce a stress response. Diaphragmatic breathing, where you breathe deeply from the bottom of 27 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life your chest, reduces heart rate and anxiety and lowers blood pressure. Taking a few moments during the day to breath and relax will make you less stressed and more able to focus on the task in front of you. As we inhale, we are fully aware of the in-breath; as we exhale, we are fully aware of the out-breath. We feel the air as it fills our lungs, and notice the rising and falling of our torsos. Done regularly, conscious breathing and meditation lower the risk of stress-related illnesses like depression, cardiovascular disease and strokes. The breath serves as an anchor that grounds us in the moment, in the here and now. Conscious breathing is central to Buddhist principles and the practice of meditation. Conscious breathing may feel awkward at first, but with time and practice, this awkwardness will pass. You may find it helpful to use simple phrases to help keep your focus. For example: • “Rising…falling…rising…falling” – to imitate the rising and falling of your chest as you breathe. • “Breathing in…breathing out…” or more simply, “In…out… in…out…” 28 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life • “One…two…three…four…” up to ten, and then start over. Think “one” as you inhale, “two” as you exhale, and so on. I’ll return to breathing in the next chapter on meditation. Eating Mindfully Have you ever looked down at an empty plate, only to wonder where your food went? You don’t even remember eating it, and you definitely didn’t enjoy it. Mindful eating puts you in tune with your body so you can listen to its signals. It will help you lose weight without the constant stress of dieting, and prevent you from snacking mindlessly. Mindful eating helps people cope with eating problems like anorexia, and reduce the anxiety and guilt some of us feel around eating. Here is how to bring a mindful attitude to the next meal you eat: • Don’t eat in front of your computer. If you’re concentrating on work that’s a guaranteed way not to taste what you’re eating. Turn off the television and eat at the table, using real flatware and china. • Totally focus on at least the first three bites. • Take a moment to savor your food. What does it taste like? Is 29 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life it spicy? Is it sweet? Use all your senses and be attentive to the color, texture and smell. • If you normally shovel food into your mouth, then eat more slowly. Smaller bites help you to really taste the food. Stop every so often to take a few breaths or a sip of water. • Try eating as though you had paid a lot of money for the food in a fancy restaurant. If this was world-class cuisine, you’d want to enjoy every bite and remember it, right? Even if you’re not a great chef, the aim is still to enjoy what you’re eating as much as possible. Done properly, mindful eating does take longer. But it leaves you feeling full and satisfied, so that you’re not tempted to snack during the day or get up for something to eat because you’re bored. If you don’t have much time, try to eat at least two mindful meals every week, and scale up from there. Getting Down and Getting Up When was the last time you sat on the floor? We spend so much time on the floor as babies, toddlers, and small children. We crawl and play and move with ease all over the floor and ground. We use our arms to get around just as much as our legs. 30 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life As we grow up, however, most of us lose our easy familiarity with ground movement and become accustomed to sitting on chairs and couches. “There is a particular feeling of time stopping when you get your body down on the floor…Maybe it’s because being on the floor is so foreign to us that it breaks up our habitual neurological patterning and invites us to enter into this moment through a sudden opening in what we might call the body door.” Jon Kabat-Zinn, Wherever You Go There You Are, 157 Try this: For thirty minutes every day, sit on the floor. Want to watch TV? Cool, you can watch it from the floor. Need to get some work done? No problem, you can bring your laptop or books or whatever you need to the floor. Time to cook dinner? Put the chopping board on a low table and kneel on the floor while you chop vegetables. With repeated time and practice, you’ll regain your youthful ease of movement and flexibility. You might also find that sitting on the floor encourages a heightened awareness of how you’re sitting. When you’re in a big comfortable desk chair or a cushioned sofa, it’s all too easy to forget about your posture. 31 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life You slouch, or push your head and neck forward, or develop a muscle imbalance, and the cushions all around prevent you from noticing. In contrast, you will actually notice how you are sitting on the hard floor or ground because you are unused to it. Which positions are most comfortable? How long can you maintain any one position? You’ll probably find yourself naturally shifting positions occasionally—which is much better for your neck and back than staying cramped and static in your chair. You can also use your time on the floor to engage in mindful stretching exercises. Gently stretch your hamstrings, hips, and other tight areas. As you stretch, remain attentive to your body and breathing. Experiment with shifting positions in rhythm with your breath. How does your body feel and move? Try this exercise Most of us have recurring thoughts of some kind that intrude on us during the day. Maybe you’re still angry about being cut off in traffic this morning. Maybe you’re worried about an upcoming presentation. Pick one thought, and notice every time it comes back. At this point, there’s no need to judge yourself for having these thoughts. Allow the 32 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life thought to appear, and when it does, notice what is happening. How often are you ruminating on this? Now examine the thought. Are you making progress, or are you just going around in circles? Is thinking about this helping you to solve some kind of problem, or is it just bringing more stress into your life? Turn your attention to how your body responds to your mental state. Are you clenching your fists? Are your muscles tight? A headache is often a sign that you’re responding physically to worry or stress. The next step is to practice letting the thought go. Every time it comes up, acknowledge it, and then turn your attention to something else. Don’t let yourself get lost in the spiral of anger, worry or frustration that usually happens. Every time you find your thoughts wandering to this topic, stop. Take a deep breath to center yourself. Bring your attention back to whatever you’re doing. This process of taking a step back and observing all the thoughts and feelings that fill up your mind is the essence of mindfulness. This is an example in miniature of the greater control over yourself and your peace of mind that meditation can help you achieve. 33 Chapter 3 How to Meditate 34 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life Every society throughout history has practiced some form of meditation. Meditation is natural to humans. Anyone is capable of meditating with enough practice. Think of meditation as an exercise for your mind. If you haven’t been to the gym in years, you don’t expect to run a marathon, do you? When you first start to meditate, you’ll probably feel a bit awkward. You might wonder, Isn’t it boring? Am I just supposed to sit here? What does this actually accomplish? I have more important things to do! This is the first lesson that meditation teaches: patience and perseverance. In this chapter, we will take you through several ways to meditate. Let’s start with the most popular: sitting meditation. Sitting meditation Where to meditate Start by finding a place where you feel comfortable. Most people choose a quiet place in their house, but you can meditate anywhere you want. The ideal place is: • Peaceful. Choose a place without too much noise. Turn off your phone or any other distractions. 35 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life • Private. You don’t want people walking through and disturbing you while you meditate. • Safe. You need to feel comfortable enough to let down your defences. • Convenient. Choose somewhere you can go every day. If you always meditate in the same place, your mind will begin to associate that place with conscious breath and deep concentration. Wear loose clothing that you can sit and move around in comfortably. Yoga pants or sports clothes work pretty well. How to sit Many new meditators, especially those who work desk jobs, struggle to settle into a comfortable meditation posture. We’re so accustomed to slouching in our chairs and craning our necks to stare at laptops and phones. Try a few minutes of gentle stretching before your meditation to prepare your muscles for their new position. You can sit on a chair or on the ground, using a cushion as needed for comfort. The important thing is to find a comfortable, relaxed position that you can maintain for the length of the meditation. 1. Try sitting cross-legged on the floor or upright on a chair for your first meditation. 36 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life 2. Keep your spine straight, with your head in line with the rest of your body. Think about a long string pulling all the way through your body and out the top of your head, as if you’re a marionette puppet: That string keeps your body lifted and tall, with your head, shoulders, and hips forming a straight line. 3. The rest of your body should be loose, and your shoulders relaxed and down. Take a deep breath, and as you let it out, consciously relax your muscles. 4. Face directly in front of you, with your chin up. 5. Leave your hand lying in your lap, relaxed, your fingers loosely curled. 6. In this position, you should feel stable and able to breathe freely. Test the stability by moving slightly to either side. It’s important to keep the same position for the length of the meditation. If you move every time you’re uncomfortable, then you won’t be able to hold on to your concentration. Pick one position and stick to it. How to focus You don’t want to be distracted by checking the time, so decide how long you want to meditate for and then set the alarm on your phone. For your first time, five minutes is enough. Ready? Close your eyes. 37 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life You can use any object to focus on when meditating—a mantra, a flame, an image—but it’s easiest for beginners to start with their breath. As you breathe in, pay attention to the air that enters and leaves your lungs. Notice the rise and fall of your chest and torso. Devote all your attention to your breath. As you sit in silence, random thoughts will cross your mind. You’ll start to think about projects you’re working on or what you’re making for dinner. Let them go, neither clinging to them nor pushing them away. Bring your attention back to your breath. It’s natural for the mind to wander a little bit. We get bored and start looking for things to think about other than our breath. When you notice this happening, don’t worry. Remember that it’s perfectly normal, and simply bring the mind back. As you come to the end of your meditation session, you can gradually come back to an awareness of your surroundings. eel your body pressing into your chair or the floor, and feel the air moving through your lungs. What can you hear outside? What is happening around you? Open your eyes. Congratulations! You just finished your first meditation session. 38 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life Focusing exercises With time and practice, it will become easier to keep your thoughts focused on your breath. If you’re having trouble in the beginning, try one of these focusing exercises: Counting A mental chant helps you stay centered in your body. While breathing in, count one…one…one, then while breathing out count two…two… two… Once you reach ten, start again from one. Another option is to silently say inhalation as you breathe in and then exhalation as you breath out again. Keep going until you can focus on your breath without the need for words. Body scan Instead of focusing on your breath, you’re going to move your attention over each part of your body. Start at the top with your head. Bring your attention to your eyes, ears, nose and mouth, then down to your neck and shoulders. Consciously relax each muscle as you move your awareness down your body. Take note of any feelings – warmth, weight, itching – acknowledge the feelings, and then let them go. 39 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life Breathing awareness Take a deep breath and then, as you breathe out, imagine the tension in your head and neck flowing down and out through your body. Your head becomes lighter on your shoulders. As you release the next breath, imagine the tension flowing out of your shoulders and down your arms, then out through your fingertips. Work your way down through your torso and legs to the soles of your feet, gradually letting go of the tension. A few other tips • Ease into it! If you’re new to meditation, start out with only 5 to 30 minutes per day. You’re more likely to maintain a regular meditation practice if you set a reasonable timeframe for yourself. • Meditate every day. Don’t skip days, or you’ll struggle to establish a steady routine and reap the benefits. Try setting a regular time and place for your meditation, and prioritize it. • Some people enjoy meditating with a like-minded community, a group of people who gather to meditate in silence together. If this interests you, check if there are any meditation groups in your area. Belonging to a group also increases your sense of accountability and may make you more likely to stick to your new practice. • Many meditators enjoy the guidance of a meditation tape, especially when they are new to the practice. These tapes are 40 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life plentiful, and you should be able to find one that’s to your liking. To that end, I’ve compiled a list of mindfulness and meditation apps toward the end of this chapter. While you’ll begin to experience benefits almost right away, the more you practice mindfulness, the greater the benefits will be. Once you get into it, you’ll look forward to having that time to yourself and the deep relaxation that comes with meditation. Once you’re comfortable with sitting meditation, there are a few other positions you can try. Walking Meditation How should you perform a walking meditation? You want to walk somewhere relatively private. Indoors or in a quiet area of the park is fine. Choose somewhere with level terrain and no obstructions. For now, you want to focus on the movement of your body, rather than on navigating complicated terrain. Walk slowly and with intention. Typically, we walk briskly without really thinking about it. In a walking meditation, you want to slow down and notice each component of the step. You can break each step into four basic components: 41 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life • Lifting – lifting your foot off the ground. • Moving – moving your foot forward. • Placing – placing your foot back down on the ground. • Shifting – shifting your weight from one foot to another. Just like with the breathing, you want to focus your conscious mind on the repetitive action. As you walk, think to yourself, lifting…moving… placing…shifting… Allow your eyes to remain open (you don’t want to trip) but with soft focus. There is also a less formal kind of walking meditation, one that is more compatible with walking around in the outside world. How much time do you spend walking each day? Do you walk into town to run errands or walk your commute to work or school? If so, you probably do a good deal of this walking on autopilot. Once you’ve memorized your route, you can walk it without really paying attention beyond the bare minimum (hopefully you always check for traffic before crossing the street!). Next time you have to walk somewhere, though, try doing so with more mindfulness. As you walk, look at your surroundings. Notice that so-and-so who lives over there has a nice garden. Notice that there’s a wasp’s nest up in that tree. Notice that this house has been painted a new color. Notice the 42 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life sounds and smells all around you: the noise of cars and buses, the conversations of other pedestrians, the songs of birds, the smell of flowers. Taking the time to notice and observe your body as it moves through its environment centers you firmly in the present moment and gets you in touch with how you are doing and feeling that day. Lying meditation Lie on your back on a comfortable surface such as your bed or a yoga mat. Choose somewhere that gives you enough room to spread out comfortably. Just like with the sitting posture, imagine your spine is a piece of string being gently pulled into a straight line. Your legs should be about hip distance apart, and your hands relaxed, palms facing upwards, about a foot away from your hip. You can leave your eyes open (with soft focus) or close them. Then use the techniques outlined above. • Concentrate on the feel of your chest as you breathe in and out • Count your breaths as they come and go • Scan down your body and take inventory of how it is feeling • Feel the weight of your body as it presses into the ground or bed 43 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life Lying meditation is the best way to prepare your mind and body for sleep each evening. If you suffer from insomnia or have trouble letting go of the worries of the day, try the lying meditation as a way to calm your mind. Yoga Yoga and meditation have been practiced together for thousands of years. There are many kinds of yoga such as Hatha, Kundalini, Yin, and Vinyasa. What they all have in common is that they promote mindfulness through stretching, balancing, and breathing. Practicing mindfulness while you exercise is a great way to get in touch with your body, to notice how you move and sit. Used together, yoga and meditation will improve your posture, strength, flexibility and breathing by making you mindful of your body. Do you slump in your office chair? Are you holding your head at an awkward angle when you look at the screen? Awareness can help you adjust your position to work with your body instead of against it. Yoga is a sort of moving meditation, a fantastic way to foster mindfulness. You learn to focus on the breath and bring all your attention inward. You let distractions go and learn to just slow down and settle into a steady rhythm. 44 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life The improved strength and flexibility that comes from yoga will help you cope with challenging position and uncomfortable sensations during meditation. Mindfulness on your mat deepens the practice of yoga and allows you to truly relax. I’m not going to delve into any Yoga strategies here. Yoga is quite difficult to learn from a book, so it’s recommended to take a class from a qualified instructor or find a video that you like and follow along. In saying that, while it is possible to perform yoga the same way you would any other exercise, I suggest bringing the same quiet, calm, mindful energy to yoga as you would to a sitting or walking meditation. Focus on your breath. Notice how your body is feeling. Pause and scan your body. Accept both its strengths and limitations. Ujjayi breath Ujjayi breath is a holistic breathing technique in yoga which uses the entire respiratory system; diaphragm, rib cage, chest and throat. It is used in yoga to maintain rhythm during practice, and many people also say that it improves their concentration. Ujjayi exercises the lungs and increases the amount of oxygen in the blood. With practice, it can improve your lung capacity and give you greater control over your breathing. 45 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life How to do Ujjayi breath: • Start in a seated cross-legged position. Relax the body and close your eyes. Allow your mouth to drop open a little and relax your jaw and tongue. • Bring your focus to inhaling and exhaling deeply through your mouth. Notice the air and how it passes through your windpipe. • When you inhale and exhale, contract the back of your throat as though you were whispering. • As you breathe out, imagine yourself fogging up a window. • You should produce a sound like ocean waves once you get the hang of the breath. • Now close your mouth, breathing only through your nose. • Focus on the sound of your breath, as it can relax your mind. • Breathe in deeply, allowing your lungs to expand fully. • Doing this breath for 15 minutes as a form of meditation is the ultimate way to bring focus inwards, promoting mindfulness. List of Meditation Apps If you’re struggling to meditate regularly or having difficulty maintaining your focus, you could benefit a lot from using a meditation app. A 46 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life guided session is a slightly easier way to start that helps you pull your focus back to the present, and daily reminders will help you stick to your routine. The Mindfulness App: http://themindfulnessapp.com/ This app starts you off with a five-day guided introduction to mindfulness, then offers an array of silent and guided meditation sessions that last between 3 and 30 minutes. There are statistics and daily reminders to help you practice consistently, and challenges to motivate more advanced practitioners. The premium version has several hundred additional guided meditations, plus courses on your body, sleep and relationships. Headspace: https://www.headspace.com/ Headspace offers a free 10-part course in the basics of mindfulness and meditation, delivered in a series of short sessions between 3 and 10 minutes long. The sessions are jargon-free and easy to follow, and focus on the essentials of breathing and awareness. The premium version has hundreds of specialized meditations covering everything from sleeping better to reducing stress and dealing with anxiety. Calm: https://www.calm.com/ Apple’s iPhone App Of The Year in 2017, Calm offers a range of relaxing sounds and visuals. There are guided Daily Calm meditations that help you refocus your attention, gentle outdoor sounds like waves 47 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life breaking or a fire crackling, and music tracks designed to promote better concentration. You can even listen to a bedtime story read by the likes of Stephen Fry and Matthew McConaughey. Insight Timer: https://insighttimer.com/ Insight Timer is all about connecting you to the global community of meditators. There are thousands of groups where you can ask questions and offer advice, and a map so you can see people meditating nearby and invite friends to join you. They claim their library of free guided meditations is the largest on earth, with more than 15000 titles on everything from morning rituals to the yoga sutras. 10% Happier: http://www.10percenthappier.com/ This is the most practical meditation app I’ve found; co-founder Dan Harris describes it as “no-bullshit”. Harris is a news anchor who started meditating after he had a panic attack live on air. At first he was skeptical, but after experiencing the benefits of meditation he became a convert. The guided sessions are all constructive and get straight to the point without any fluff, and are a great way to get the benefits of mindfulness “without the woo-woo”. Stop, Breathe & Think: https://www.stopbreathethink.com/ This app checks in with how you’re feeling throughout the day, and offers you activities tailored to your emotions. It could be a good option for anyone struggling with anxiety or depression. Try the 5-minute 48 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life meditations on joy or gratitude for an instant boost in your mood, or grab a few minutes of peace in the middle of the day with the meditation on equanimity. 49 Chapter 4 How to Cultivate Relationships 50 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life Most people, when asked about the most important moments in their life, talk about getting married, their children being born, things their parents taught them. Our relationships with the people around us are the single most crucial thing in our lives. They affect our health, wellbeing and happiness. Various studies have linked negative relationships in our lives to higher stress, lower self-esteem, and a higher risk of heart problems or stroke. By contrast, good relationships can reduce the risk of mental illness and increase your life expectancy. But how can Buddhism improve your relationships? Meditation quiets the constant mental chatter that we all carry around with us. It silences the voice that says, She always does this, or He did that on purpose to provoke me. When we’re not overwhelmed by negative emotions, it’s easier to hear what our friend or partner is really saying. The more centered and peaceful we are, the easier it becomes to avoid drama and practice loving kindness to the people around us. Acting with Compassion Acting with compassion is a core tenet of many world religions. I’ll take Sikhism as an example. Sikhs emphasize the importance of serving other people in the world rather than withdrawing from the 51 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life world to focus only on God and one’s personal relationship with God. They believe that they serve God by serving others. For example, a Sikh might volunteer to perform duties or chores for the community or offer to take care of a sick friend. The three duties of Sikhism are: • Naam Japo (keeping God in mind, contemplating and meditating on the divine) • Kirat Karo (working honestly and diligently, avoiding fraudulent or exploitative sources of income) • Vand Chhako (sharing generously with others, giving to the less fortunate). The second and third duties clearly relate to doing good in the world. Sikhism encourages you to occupy a place of integrity in your community and to behave with compassion. These ideals apply to relationships with your loved ones (family and friends), as well as to your interactions in your community and the wider world. Compassion towards your loved ones starts by re-framing the situation. When a friend is late for coffee, instead of saying to yourself, She’s never on time anywhere or She should have left earlier, tell yourself The traffic’s really bad today or It’s hard for her right now because she’s so busy. There’s a lot of psychological research to suggest that people do this 52 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life easily when they examine their own behavior. We always have a good reason why we’re late or we forgot to do something. When we examine other people’s behavior, it’s easy to focus on the hurt we feel instead of the difficulties for our friends and family. One of the most reliable predictors of how long a relationship will last is the attitude people take into it. In successful marriages, both partners develop the habit of searching for what their spouse is doing right and what they can be grateful for, instead of looking for mistakes or reasons to criticize. Practice compassion towards the people around you as often as possible and you will find your relationships flow much better. Try this exercise Grab a pen and journal and spend twenty minutes reflecting on Sikh ideals of service and kindness and how you can apply them in your own life—for instance, by donating to charity, volunteering your time, or doing something kind for a friend. Loving kindness meditation To nurture a spirit of compassion and friendliness toward others, you can perform a meditation on loving kindness. 53 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life You will begin by feeling love and kindness for yourself, then direct these feelings outward—to family, to friends, to colleagues and acquaintances, and even to your enemies. Here’s how: • Settle into your meditation posture, for instance by sitting on the ground cross-legged. • Focus first on your breathing, counting each inhale and exhale, noticing the nature of the breaths (are they short or long, smooth or staccato?). • Imagine a warmth emanating from your heart and filling your torso. You might imagine a bright light glowing within your body, growing brighter with every inhale. Or you might feel a ball of energy that steadily grows warmer. This is the bright warmth of loving kindness. Let yourself sit with it, as if basking in an internal sun. • Repeat simple thoughts for focus, such as “May I be happy. May I be free from hatred. May I be free of problems. May I feel loved and accepted.” Essentially, you are wishing good things for yourself in this moment. • Let this feeling of loving kindness emanate outward toward others. Visualize, say, your partner, your children, your parents. Imagine the light and warmth spreading out of your face and fingertips and reaching them. • Again, you can repeat similar verses, “May they be happy. May 54 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life they be free from hatred,” and so on. Wish them good things. Perhaps you’ve had a minor argument or misunderstanding recently. If you feel ready, forgive them and accept them as they are. • Direct this feeling of loving kindness wherever you choose. Send it to people you’ve never met, to people who suffer from famine and war, to animals on the brink of extinction, to the entire world and all the life it sustains. You may send it even to your enemies (more on that below). • Finish your meditation by returning to your breath. The meditation itself is simply about noticing yourself and others, accepting them as they are, loving them, and wishing good things for them. Do not feel compelled at this moment to do or try to do anything. Just exist with a mindset of love and friendliness. Once the meditation ends and you return to your daily activities, you may very well feel moved to apply these feelings of loving kindness in your actions. This is great! Fostering love and acceptance in our minds and hearts often leads to outward changes in behavior that make the world a better place. 55 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life Dealing with Enemies “May my enemies be well, happy, and peaceful. May no harm come to them. May no difficulties come to them. May no problems come to them. May they always meet with success. May they also have patience, courage, understanding, and determination to meet and overcome inevitable difficulties, problems, and failures in life.” Bhante Henepola Gunaratana, Mindfulness in Plain English “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for an eye, and tooth for a tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also…You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Matthew 5:38-39 Religious traditions from across the world—including both Buddhism and Christianity—have developed seemingly nonsensical attitudes of compassion and forgiveness toward enemies. Why should we “love” our enemies or wish that “no harm” may befall them? Why should we wish them “success” in their endeavors—when 56 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life those endeavors might very well include attacking us?! From a Buddhist perspective, there are several explanations for the injunction to wish one’s enemies well. First, it does you no good to hold onto anger or resentment, even if the other person deserves it. Carrying around your enmity for another person leads to tension and unhappiness within you, so it is best to set aside grudges, if only for your own sake. Second, appreciate the opportunities that your enemies provide for you to practice your patience and loving kindness! There’s nothing challenging or unusual about treating people you love kindly—that comes naturally. People you dislike, however, give you the chance to deepen your practice. Third, ask yourself why you consider certain people your enemies. Are they rude, short-tempered, selfish, or boastful? Likely, these unpleasant characteristics stem from various problems in their own lives. Perhaps they’re rude and impatient because they hate their job; perhaps they’re boastful because they’re deeply insecure about themselves. In any case, by wishing that your enemies be “well, happy, and peaceful,” by wishing that they encounter no “difficulties” or “problems,” you wish to remove the conditions that made them your enemies in the first place. As Gunaratana writes: 57 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life “Practically speaking, if all of your enemies were well, happy, and peaceful, they would not be your enemies. If they were free from problems, pain, suffering, affliction, neurosis, psychosis, paranoia, fear, tension, anxiety, etc., they would not be your enemies. The practical approach toward your enemies is to help them overcome their problems, so you can live in peace and happiness.” Bhante Henepola Gunaratama, Mindfulness in Plain English In other words, by practicing loving kindness even toward your enemies, you help create a better, happier, more peaceful world for everyone. If practicing loving kindness is something you struggle to do, I suggest incorporating it into your daily meditation practice. Begin your meditation session by mindfully reading and reflecting on the verses above (“May my enemies be well…”). Remind yourself of these principles throughout the day when you catch yourself falling into familiar patterns of uncharitable or unkind thoughts. Fourth, remind yourself that you see hostile people and situations only from your perspective and do not know the whole story. Are you open to the possibility that you could have misunderstood 58 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life something or misjudged someone else’s actions? Have you taken some perceived slight too personally? And even if you are convinced of your own righteousness, are you at least open to the idea that returning hatred with hatred does nothing to improve the situation? Finally, keep in mind that if you decide to struggle against your enemies, your struggles will be endless: “Although you may spend your life killing, you will not exhaust all your foes.” Nagarjuna Focus and attention If you’ve been following a daily meditation practice, you should find that you’re gradually becoming able to focus for longer on one thing. It becomes easier to direct your attention where you want it to go, instead of jumping about everywhere. Now, we’re going to apply that focus to your relationships. In any relationship, each person is constantly bidding for the other’s time and attention. When your mother calls to tell you the neighborhood gossip, your friend wants to show you their vacation snaps, or 59 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life your partner comes home and complains about their day, they’re asking for your attention. In the course of busy modern life, we often only give our loved ones half our attention. We respond to statements with Uh-huh and Sure, we don’t ask questions or show interest, we keep doing other things at the same time. When you only give your friends and family some of your attention, you’re sending them a message that they’re not your highest priority. Relationships have to be nurtured, and that means spending time and energy on them. Start by spending ten minutes every day giving your partner or family your full attention. Put down your phone, stop whatever you’re doing and just listen to them. If you eat dinner together then that’s a good daily opportunity, but any time will do. Show an interest in the things that are important to them. Ask questions. Let them feel validated. Make your relationships a priority, and watch them blossom. 60 Chapter 5 How to Minimize Harm 61 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life Doctors and medical students are of course intimately familiar with the imperative to abstain from doing harm, as it forms an essential tenet of modern bioethics and the Hippocratic oath. This concept of non-harming permeates Eastern thought as well, where it is typically known as ahimsa. Ahimsa, meaning “non-harming,” “non-violence,” or “non-injury,” is a core virtue of Hinduism, Buddhism, and Jainism. It applies not only to other human beings, but to all beings, including animals and plants. Hindu texts written between 500 BCE and 500 CE discuss this principle in great detail. Ancient Hindu thinkers considered topics such as war, self-defense, and the slaughter and consumption of animals. They generally felt that war should be avoided, only pursued as a last resort, and that it should be carried out in as just and compassionate a manner as possible: Use only proportionate force, avoid harming civilians and non-combatants, and seek the restoration of peace and diplomacy. Many Hindu writers also decried the destruction of animal and plant life. They asked whether it was possible for humans to exist in such a way that no harm is done to any other life form. They debated the merits of vegetarianism as a more compassionate lifestyle (though there remained proponents of hunting, ritual animal sacrifice, and meat eating more generally). 62 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life Buddhist texts likewise consider ahimsa at some length. The Five Precepts of Buddhism include the injunction to avoid taking life. Moreover, Buddhists are discouraged from participating in any activity or profession that causes harm to others, such as weapons trading. Many Buddhists also adhere to vegetarian diets to reduce harm to animals, though some eat meat. Regardless, respect for animals is essential; they are living beings, interconnected with us and the rest of nature. “We human beings have always singled ourselves out from the rest of the natural world. We classify other animals and living beings as ‘Nature,’ a thing apart from us, and act as if we’re somehow separate from it. Then we ask, ‘How should we deal with Nature?’ We should deal with Nature the way we should deal with ourselves: nonviolently. Human beings and Nature are inseparable. Just as we should not harm ourselves, we should not harm Nature.” Thich Nhat Hanh, Nature and Nonviolence “Every living being deserves to enjoy a sense of security and well-being. We should protect life and bring happiness to others. All living beings, whether large or small; whether two-legged or four-legged; whether swimmers or fliers, have a right to live.” The Buddha, as quoted in Thich Nhat Hanh, Path of Compassion 63 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life Jains take the principle of ahimsa more seriously than perhaps any other group. They are strictly vegetarian, and take great pains to avoid even accidental harm to animals. As philosopher Peter Adamson describes in his podcast, we hear of Jains gently sweeping the path before them as they walk to ensure they do not inadvertently step on any creature. Harm caused by negligence is still harm, after all. They reluctantly accept that some harm against plants is necessary for human survival, but they make an effort to minimize this harm as much as possible. How will ahimsa manifest in your life? The first step is to reduce the harm you cause to yourself. Negative selftalk, guilt and anger are all subtle acts of violence that affect our state of mind. • Forgive yourself for your own mistakes and let them go • Moderate your expectations of yourself and don’t scold yourself with negative thoughts if you fail to meet those expectations • Congratulate yourself on the things you have achieved and appreciate your own skills and talents • Take time to rest when you need it 64 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life • Eat healthy and nutritious food • Accept the limitations of your own body and don’t use force or inflict physical pain on yourself when you perform yoga or other exercises. As discussed above, it’s also important to reduce the harm you cause to others. Harboring negative or unkind thoughts is bad for your own mental health and the people around you. • Let go of your anger and irritation with the people around you; remember they are struggling just as you are • Resist the urge to throw insults at people, or to retaliate when they do it to you • Don’t spread negative gossip about others and concentrate on their positive qualities • Nurture an attitude of loving kindness towards everyone you meet. Finally, you need to reduce the harm you cause to the world. Whenever we give in to consumer culture and buy things we don’t need, the brief pleasure we get is outweighed by the guilt we often feel for harming the environment or not giving enough to charity. The tenets of Buddhism are about rejecting that superficial pleasure in favor of the deeper happiness that comes from valuing the world around you. 65 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life • Reduce the amount you buy and instead focus on the things you already own that bring you joy. • Buy things secondhand and give away or recycle things instead of throwing them in the trash. • Get solar panels for your house or switch to a hybrid car to reduce your impact on the environment. • Adopt a vegetarian diet or cut back on the amount of meat you eat, which reduces your carbon footprint as well as the harm done to animals. • Adopt a pet from a rescue center – pets are great for reducing stress and encouraging social interaction. Remember, reducing harm is first of all about reducing harm to yourself. Letting go of the burdens of guilt and anger and living more in harmony with your environment will make you feel mentally ‘lighter’, calmer and happier. 66 Chapter 6 How to Rest and Heal 67 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life “Dogs are wise. They crawl away into a quiet corner and lick their wounds and do not rejoin the world until they are whole once more.” Agatha Christie, The Moving Finger “When a forest animal is sick, it lies down and does nothing…All of its energy is directed toward healing. We need to practice this kind of resting even when we are not sick. Knowing when to rest is a deep practice.” Thich Nhat Hanh, Happiness: Essential Mindfulness Practices “It’s just a cold. But even though I know I’m not horribly ill, I feel this overwhelming need to skip work, ignore my family and retreat to the far corner of the sofa…Those feelings are a real thing called ‘sickness behavior,’ which is sparked by the body’s response to infection.” Nancy Shute, “It’s Not Just a Cold,” NPR Agatha Christie, legendary Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh, and medical doctors all agree: Sometimes you just need to take a break! This is especially true when we’re sick or injured, but as Trich Nhat 68 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life Hanh points out, it’s also essential to rest even when we feel just fine. Taoism and Buddhism alike emphasize the importance of rest and relaxation and have developed techniques to help us relax tense muscles and get better sleep. The frantic pace of modern life doesn’t take long to lead to burnout. You feel overwhelmed by the tasks ahead of you, you’re not motivated to do anything, you have trouble concentrating. The human mind isn’t equipped to go, go, go all the time. Studies show that rest and sleep are vitally important for protecting the immune system and generally keeping you healthy. They also improve memory, stimulate creativity and give your concentration and productivity a huge boost. Used properly, rest and relaxation give you a break to recharge, so that you can tackle the challenges ahead of you with renewed enthusiasm. Self-Care or procrastination? Buddhist and Taoist practices of resting the body overlap with the more modern concept of self-care. We increasingly recognize how important it is to take care of ourselves both physically and mentally. Sometimes, however, it’s hard to know 69 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life where to draw the line between genuine self-care and procrastination. Are you truly caring for yourself by taking a break, or are you avoiding some unpleasant task like cleaning your apartment or finishing a project? Every situation is different. Let’s say you’ve reached page 15 of a 20page paper for your History class. Your focus is slipping away, your blood pressure rising, your back hurts from sitting for so long in one place, your hands cramped from typing. But the deadline is tomorrow. What does self-care mean in this situation? Well, for one thing, you’ve probably learned an important lesson about starting on papers a little earlier next time! But you can’t go back in time, and there’s no point in beating yourself up. In this case, self-care might look like a 20-minute break. Take a quick walk, make a cup of tea, stretch, and return to your chair to finish the paper. Often, the most loving and caring thing you can do for yourself is simply to do the thing. Putting it off further—especially when deadlines are looming—will likely increase your stress and make you less happy in the long-term. Do what you need to do to unburden yourself of that paper, project, or other responsibility that’s been nagging at your conscience. Free yourself from it, and do something nice for yourself afterward. 70 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life “Unburdening yourself can be the most compassionate act. Instead of carrying around that heavy load, try setting it down. Doing the thing you’re avoiding is often less work that continuing to avoid it. By reframing the act as a compassionate unburdening, you can change the tenor of it. You can change it into doing something brave and fiercely kind on your own behalf.” Christy Tending, Healing Arts As a general rule, I suggest tackling your daily to-do list in order of importance and difficulty. Schedule your most onerous task for the morning if you can (after your morning routine, as described above). Unburden yourself early and enjoy a calmer and more relaxing day. Finally, let’s return to Thich Nhat Hanh’s point above: Healing rest should be a regular part of our lives. We should rest before we need to rest; take time to recharge before our energy is depleted; prioritize our practice of rest on a regular basis, not only in times of crisis. Suggestions for Finding Deeper Rest and Relaxation • Meditate. Use the techniques outlined above to find a few mo- 71 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life ments of peace and calm no matter how chaotic your surroundings. Even if you don’t have time for a lengthy meditation session, try taking a few deep breaths. • Try guided imagery as a quick way to de-stress when you don’t have time for meditation. Choose a scene that you find peaceful – you could be walking on the beach at sunset or swimming under a waterfall. Imagine every detail of the place, using all your senses. Stay there as long as you need to relax. When you’re ready, count back from ten and open your eyes. • Take a short break from whatever you’re doing to stand up and stretch. Run through a short yoga routine if you feel like it, or just stretch out your core and all your limbs. As you do so, be mindful of how your body feels. • Go for a walk. Getting out in nature has been shown to lower stress and improve mental health more than exercising indoors. Living in the city can make it hard to really escape into the wild, but even a few hours at the park or community garden will make you feel more relaxed. • Try a forest bath. This new trend from Japan is really just a way of meditating outside. The ‘bathing’ part means soaking in the atmosphere of the outdoors using all your senses. Look around you, listen to the birdsong, breathe in the clean air. • No matter where you are, you can still take a moment to notice and appreciate your surroundings. Do this to anchor yourself in the present, rather than ruminating on the past or future. 72 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life • Enjoy a cup of tea. As you sip, resist the temptation to distract yourself with your phone. Instead, bring your attention to what you are doing, tasting, experiencing. • Sit down for a healthy snack or meal. Again, leave the TV off and phone out of sight. Instead, be mindful of the food you are eating. • Get good-quality sleep on a regular basis. Avoid chemicals like caffeine or nicotine in the evening, and avoid staring at a laptop or phone screen right before bed too. Instead, wind down with a cup of tea, a book, or a meditation session. • Take a bath. Don’t take your phone or any other distractions into the bathroom with you. That will force you to rest without checking your email every five minutes. 73 Chapter 7 How to Let Things Go 74 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life Countless people turn to Eastern philosophy to learn how to let go of the things that are weighing them down, including stress, sources of tension, unhappy relationships, difficult obligations, financial worries, arguments, and more. Our attachments to people, events, images, and things tend to cause us pain. We grieve when we lose a beloved family member, when we break a priceless family heirloom, when we fail to advance at work, when we have a falling out with a friend. So, how exactly can we “let go” of the things troubling us, and what does that mean? The Woman Who Loved Titanic Imagine there’s a woman—maybe a friend or family member of yours— who really, really, really loves the movie Titanic. She watches it every week without fail, sometimes twice, and has ever since it first came out. So, for the past twenty years or so, she’s watched the movie, sometimes with other people, usually by herself. That’s over 1040 viewings of the same film. She’s memorized all the dialogue, noticed every minuscule detail, analyzed every possible character motivation. Is that weird or extreme? 75 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life Most of us probably can’t fathom watching the same film (or reading the same book, or doing the same crossword puzzle, or listening to the same album) with this kind of regularity. We like trying new things and grow bored with monotony. When I first heard about this woman (yes, she really exists), I wondered how she could possibly continue to find joy in re-watching a movie she had memorized. I asked what was wrong with her, why she didn’t want to branch out. I thought that this woman was barking mad - and nothing like me. But really, we’re not so different. In fact, most of us do the exact same thing. We may not watch Titanic at 3 pm every Tuesday afternoon—but how often do we replay the same negative messages over and over in our heads? How often do we cycle through our most painful memories or our worst fears and anxieties? How often do we think the same things with monotonous repetition: I’m not good enough, I can’t do that, I hate so-and-so, I wish I’d done XYZ differently… Don’t we ever get bored? Wouldn’t we rather spend our time doing more enjoyable or productive things? Don’t we reach a point when we realize that it’s time to play a different film? 76 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life Changing the Film: A Short Guide to Non-Attachment In many ways, Buddhism is all about letting things go, helping us break away from negative thoughts and behaviors that do not serve us, as well as loosening the grip of all our attachments. Indeed, the Second Noble Truth of Buddhism states that “the origin of suffering is attachment.” Now, what exactly does this mean? And how, practically speaking, do we accomplish non-attachment? Many people think it must mean physically letting go of tangible things; they often envision robed monks meditating on mountaintops, far removed from the chaos of city or village life and the concerns of everyday people. They think, I couldn’t possibly do that. I have a job, a family, responsibilities. This idea of letting things go is not for me. Leaving everything behind to live in the solitary wilderness is only one possible way of interpreting non-attachment, however. Most of us are not called to live such lives, and we certainly don’t have to if we don’t want to. Instead, we can find ways to let things go while remaining in our regular lives. We do not need to give away all of our money (though donating to the 77 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life less fortunate is a good thing to do). We do not need to sell our house, clothes, car, and other belongings (though we may benefit from downsizing somewhat). We do not need to march up to our bosses and hand in our notice, nor do we need to tell our professors that we’re dropping out of university (though we should cultivate a healthy work/life balance to the extent possible). We can continue to live in the physical world while achieving a mindset of non-attachment. I’ll talk first about our interpersonal attachments. In an earlier chapter, I discussed how Eastern thought can help us strengthen our relationships with other people. How, then, does the concept of non-attachment fit into this? How can non-attachment possibly lead to stronger relationships? Let’s say you have a husband named George. You’ve been together for a decade. You love George very much, enjoy spending time with him, and hope to continue this relationship for as long as possible. One day, George picks up a new hobby—weight lifting—and suddenly he’s at the gym four days a week instead of sleeping in late with you. A few months later, maybe he changes his job or goes back to school. He might grow a beard, decide he would like to adopt a dog, or start playing the guitar. Perhaps he simultaneously loses interest in some of his former hobbies. 78 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life The George of today may look and act quite different from the George you married. Often, we struggle to adapt to the changes our loved ones make. So you naturally ask, “Why couldn’t George just stay the same?!” You blame him for changing, feeling that some trick or bait-and-switch has been perpetrated against you. You resist any alterations in his habits or daily routine. You take his changes personally, worrying that he’s unhappy in the marriage and thinking of leaving. Consciously or not, you push back against his new behaviors and try to make him return to how he used to be. This is a common problem of attachment. In this hypothetical situation, you are attached to a static image of George that does not fully recognize his humanity, his ability to change and grow over the course of his lifetime. You “love” a past version of George, or perhaps an idealized version of him, rather than the George who is standing in front of you now. What can you do instead? You can let go of this rigid image and instead embrace George as he is now, in the present moment. At every moment, you can make the choice to love and accept George as he is. As you can see from the above example, this kind of mental non-attachment does not require giving up physical attachments (such as a cherished relationship). 79 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life Rather, it involves a subtle shift in mindset that helps you appreciate the present reality of your relationship. If you can let go of ideas and images of how things should be, you can more fully enjoy the way things are. What Are Your Attachments? Here’s a really important exercise for you to do. Reflect on the ideas and images in your mind to which you are attached. Identify your expectations about how the world should work and how you want you like to look. You can even grab a notebook and pen and write them down. Your list might look something like this: • I want to find a happy relationship. • I want to do well at work. • I want to be fit and athletic. • I want to spend time with my friends and family. These are pretty common goals and expectations. Now, imagine all the ways in which these goals could go awry—even through no fault of your own. You might spend years looking for a 80 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life lifelong partner and find only short-term relationships. Consequently, you will see all your shorter relationships as failures and begin to feel inadequate. You might be fired from your job and start to question how smart or competent you really are. Or you might despise your chosen career but feel trapped in it because changing careers would challenge your concept of yourself. You might sustain an injury and have to spend several frustrating months in physical therapy, painstakingly returning to the same level of fitness (or less) as before. And you will almost certainly lose some of your loved ones to accident or illness. In all likelihood, if you’re old enough to read this book, you’ve already experienced some degree of suffering relating to the areas described above. These aren’t particularly pleasant topics to consider! Yet it’s important to understand the root of our pain so we can learn how to alleviate it. In essence, the pain that arises from the above situations is due to excessive attachment. Attachment to what? To our own self-image, our images of others, and our expectations about life. 81 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life Letting Go (or at least ease up on your grip) The first step to letting go is coming to a greater awareness of your attachments. Identify your attachments and think about how they operate in your life. You can then evaluate if you would benefit from shifting your mindset to embrace things in your life in their present forms, even as they change. Over time, you may begin to appreciate the changes and cycles constantly occurring in the natural world, and accept the impermanence of every life form. Buddhism is not the only tradition to consider the problem of attachment and our interconnectedness with the natural world and universe at large. Consider also the wisdom of Taoism on this subject: “To Lao-tse [the founder of Taoism], the world was not a setter of traps but a teacher of valuable lessons. Its lessons needed to be learned, just as its laws needed to be followed; then all would go well. Rather than turn away from the ‘world of dust,’ Lao-tse advised others to ‘join the dust of the world.’…The basic Taoism that we are concerned with here is simply a particular way of appreciating, learning from, and working with whatever happens in everyday life. From the Taoist point of view, the natural result of this harmonious way of living is happiness.” Benjamin Hoff, The Tao of Pooh 82 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life How can you “join the dust of the world”? Once again, the answer circles back to meditation. Cultivating a habit of mindfulness is an excellent way of becoming more aware, both of yourself and of the world around you. As you meditate, you become an observer rather than a participant. What does this mean? Usually, we are of course active participants in our own lives. We do, feel, think, and say countless things. We’re the star of our own show. Meditation offers the chance to step back and observe ourselves instead. As you sit in silence with your breath, you will probably notice your mind begins to wander. Perhaps you’ve heard a noise outside and are wondering what it is. Instead of letting your mind wander indefinitely on this tangent, you think, “Hearing…hearing…hearing…come back” and then return to your breath. Now your stomach is growling and you’re hungry. But instead of reaching for the nearest snack, you stay seated and think to yourself, “Feeling hungry…hungry…hungry…come back” and return to your breath. And now you’ve remembered a major project deadline that’s approaching: “Thinking…thinking…thinking… come back” and you’re back to your breath. When you notice your mind wandering, give yourself three counts to describe the nature of your action: are you thinking, feeling, wanting, or sensing something? 83 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life Observe for three counts what you are doing by inserting it into your meditation. This practice transforms you from a participant (“I’m hungry!!!”) to observer (“I notice that I am feeling hungry”). It gives you a step of removal from your thoughts and feelings in a way that gives you greater awareness of them. It allows you to acknowledge them without acting on them. So, when you are dealing with difficult moments in life (disappointment at work, the loss of a loved one), observe your feelings of sadness, grief, frustration, or anger. As you meditate, you will probably struggle to remain focused on your breath, but with practice, your thoughts will quiet down. You will then be able to sit with difficult emotions and thoughts in a peaceful frame of mind, without judging or evaluating them. Honing this practice is an important component of emotional regulation—you’ll nod and smile at your emotions as they emerge, but no matter how intense they are, they will not be able to control you. Think about how you might apply this out in the world. Imagine someone you thought was a friend betraying you. Instinctively, you think, “This person has made me angry! I hate her! I’ll get back at her if it’s the last thing I ever do.” You give this person an incredible amount of power over you—the power to make you feel a certain way. Now, remember your mindfulness training. Breathe. Say instead, “I no- 84 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life tice that I am angry. How will I choose to act?” In this brief moment, you’ve learned that it’s possible to feel something—strongly, deeply, passionately—but not to act rashly based on that feeling. It’s possible to observe the moment and make a conscious choice. As you grow in your mindfulness practice, you’ll find yourself becoming increasingly accepting of yourself, the present moment, the nature of the world, the connections among all beings, and the impermanence of all beings. You will observe your thoughts and emotions as they come and go with a spirit of non-judgment. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy In addition to traditional meditation, many people have great success with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, a form of behavioral therapy developed by Marsha Linehan. It is an updated form of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). While CBT is effective for some people, its emphasis on change is off-putting to others. DBT strives to find a balance between change and acceptance to help people develop healthier habits, learn how to accept hardship with equanimity, and find meaning and purpose in their lives. 85 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life Now, what does this have to do with Buddhism or Eastern philosophy? Well, one component of DBT is mindfulness training. Linehan and countless other therapists find that their clients benefit considerably from mindfulness practice, which gives them greater awareness of themselves, the world, and their place in it. With a greater understanding of themselves, they are better able to regulate their emotions, rather than feeling totally consumed by them. 86 Conclusion 87 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life If you’re a Harry Potter fan, you’ll remember a scene from Prisoner of Azkaban in which Harry, Ron, and Hermione attempt to learn crystal gazing in their Divination class. Professor Trelawney sets them up with crystal balls and instructs the class to clear their minds and gaze into the depths: “Harry, at least, felt extremely foolish, staring blankly at the crystal ball, trying to keep his mind empty when thoughts such as ‘this is stupid’ kept drifting across it. It didn’t help that Ron kept breaking into silent giggles and Hermione kept tutting.” J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban As Vanessa Zoltan and Casper ter Kuile, hosts of the podcast Harry Potter and the Sacred Text point out, Professor Trelawney is basically teaching mindfulness! The students are given a focal point for their concentration and taught to give their minds a break from constant patterns of thought. Harry even calmly observes his thoughts as they float past. Alas, the trio don’t truly appreciate the lesson. 88 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life Hermione is especially resistant to Divination, which she sees as entirely antithetical to her rational worldview. Yet, even Hermione would have to reconsider her stance if she were aware of the ample empirical evidence and scientific research supporting the benefits of mindfulness. If you want to see the benefits of mindfulness and other Eastern philosophical principles in your life, you need to be open to trying them. Meditation doesn’t have to be obscure. You don’t have to chant, light incense or spend months at a Buddhist retreat. All you need are an interest in strengthening your mind and the determination to keep practicing. Habit formation takes time, repetition, and patience. Making any significant change to your lifestyle requires discipline, patience, and compassion for yourself when you fall short of your new standards. There are no quick fixes or magical cures here. Sometimes, people turn to meditation hoping or expecting to feel immediately “enlightened” or somehow different from before. They expect their brains to “level up” in some mystical or mysterious way. What mindfulness actually can do for you is much less magical, less mysterious, and less instantaneous—and it is infinitely more valuable. Consider Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn’s description of his work teaching mindfulness, meditation, and yoga in a Stress Reduction Clinic: 89 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life “In some ways our job is hardly more than giving people permission to live their moments fully and completely…We introduce them to ways that they can use to listen to their own bodies and minds and to begin trusting their own experience more. What we really offer people is a sense that there is a way of being, a way of looking at problems, a way of coming to terms with the full catastrophe that can make life more joyful and rich than it otherwise might be.” Jon Kabat-Zinn, Full Catastrophe Living His work on the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) Program at the University of Massachusetts has yielded consistently positive results over several decades. People from all walks of life are using mindfulness, meditation, and other core tenets of Eastern thought to make tangible improvements in their daily existence, mood, and resilience in the face of stressful situations. With consistent work and practice, you can too. If you are brand-new to mindfulness, meditation, and eastern philosophy more generally, start by adding one habit to your daily routine: for example, wake up ten minutes earlier to meditate. Do this every day for a week. Then perhaps add a ten-minute walking meditation in the evenings. Every day. 90 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life Maybe then spend time reflecting on the principle of ahimsa, or non-harming, and contemplate how you can enact this concept in your mindset and behaviors. Choose one behavior to change or one habit to introduce. Focus on the practical aspects of meditation, and the things you most want to change. If you want to be less stressed, add a quiet cup of tea or some guided imagery to your daily routine. If you want to strengthen your relationships, spend a little time every day giving your loved ones your full attention. As you travel through this process, don’t stress about the future, about eventually, someday becoming a fully enlightened being. Don’t rush, or feel frustrated that you are not “improving” quickly enough. Remember that this moment is the moment at hand. Accept yourself as you are now (even as you are in the process of growing and changing). Accept, enjoy, and appreciate this place in your path. 91 Bonus chapter Historical Background of Eastern Philosophical Traditions 92 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life I hope I’ve proved in this book that you don’t need to become a Buddhist monk to live a more mindful life. There are simple, practical tasks you can do every day to become calmer and happier. But that doesn’t mean we should completely ignore the Eastern philosophies that produced meditation. If you’re interested in a deeper understanding of where mindfulness comes from and how it functions as part of a broader philosophy, the next step is to study Eastern religions and their teachings. Here I’ve included a summary of five of the major Eastern religions that use meditation to benefit both body and mind. Buddhism More than 2500 years ago, a man named Siddhartha Gautama was born to royal parents. For years, he enjoyed life in the royal court, but when he ventured outside, he was struck by what he saw: old age, sickness, suffering, death. As he sat meditating beneath the Bodhi tree, he became enlightened. This man would then become the Buddha. Today, there are several different schools of Buddhism, including Theravada Buddhism (practiced primarily in Thailand, Myanmar, Cambodia, Laos, and Sri Lanka) and Mahayana Buddhism (practiced primar- 93 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life ily in Tibet, China, Mongolia, Taiwan, Korea, and Japan). Generally speaking, Buddhist thought focuses on overcoming suffering and attaining liberation from the cycle of death and rebirth. Hinduism Hinduism is practiced by millions of people in India and Nepal, and it has historically been intertwined with Buddhism, Jainism, and Sikhism. There is a great deal of variety and diversity within Hindu beliefs and practices. The main sacred texts are the Vedas, composed between 1200 and 200 BCE. Vedic texts contain four main components: the Samhitas (hymns praising the divine), the Brahmanas (guides to performing rituals and prayers), the Aranyakas (content on meditation and worship), and the Upanishads (teachings on philosophy). Hindus see life as a cycle; we are born, die, and are reborn. The circumstances of our reincarnation depend upon how we lived our previous lives. In general, Hindus believe that there is a Supreme God, though within this umbrella there are multiple deities in many forms. 94 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life Jainism This religion also originated in ancient India. It places a strong emphasis on reducing harm and respecting all living things, not only humans, but also animals and plants. Jains generally follow a vegetarian diet, practice non-violence (ahimsa), and strive to consume few of the world’s resources. They believe in reincarnation. The three jewels of Jainism are right belief, right knowledge, and right conduct. Jainism features Tirthankaras, teachers who appear in the world to light the way to liberation (moksha). These teachers are humans, not gods. Jains believe that there have been 24 Tirthankaras during the present age, the most recent being Mahavira, born in northeastern India during the 6th century BCE. Though Jainism has no priests, it does have monks and nuns who follow vows of discipline and asceticism. Sikhism Sikhism was founded by Guru Nanak in the 15th century CE in the Punjab region. It is a monotheistic religion with a focus on performing good works, which is considered more important than performing rituals. 95 The NO-NONSENSE GUIDE to Using BUDDHISM and eastern philosophy for a better life Sikhs believe in treating everyone equally, serving others who are less fortunate, and living with honesty and integrity. Like Hindus, Jains, and Buddhists, Sikhs believe in the cycle of life: birth, death, rebirth. Sikhs worship in Gurdwaras and hold the Guru Granth Sahib as their sacred scripture. This holy book is treated as a living human Guru thanks to the actions of Guru Gobind Singh (1666-1708), who appointed this text as his successor instead of another person. The Guru Granth Sahib has since served as an essential and well-respected guide for Sikhs. Taoism (Daoism) This ancient Chinese tradition, based on the work of 6th-century BCE writer Lao-tse [Lao-tzu], brings us the idea of the Tao, usually translated as “The Way.” It’s a hard concept to define, but may be called “the ultimate creative principle of the universe” . Qi, meanwhile, is “the cosmic vital energy that enables beings to survive and links them to the universe as a whole”. Taoism is a religion of balance, opposites, Yin and Yang. It encompasses multiple deities. Taoists try to remain humble, mindful of their place in the universe. Central tenets include: reaching harmony with nature and behaving virtuously. Followers of Taoism often practice meditation and breathing exercises (qigong). 96