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Courtney Ernst
Prof. Geerling
ENC 1101
9. Feb. 2022
A Peek into My Brain
When I think of a time that most impacted my habits of mind, it brings me back to a
super bowl Sunday from when I was in middle school. I got a message saying my best friend was
hit by a car crossing the street and went into a coma. When I told my mom what was going on,
she told me everything would be okay, and I believed her. What she said relaxed me because I
thought he would be okay. A few days later, he passed away in the hospital. I had this false sense
of security that he would be fine, and when he was not, my world felt like it fell apart. Weeks
after his passing, my mom would ask me if I were okay, and I was not, and I would tell her that. I
understand it is hard to know what to say because the signs that I was struggling were there. I fell
into a depression. I would not eat meals, sleep a lot, or not sleep, my room would be a mess, and
my grades were not good. After weeks passed, my mom was confused about why I had not
moved on. My parents were busy with work and taking care of their responsibilities, and I
understood that, but they lacked the emotional intelligence to realize I needed their help. The
accident and how my parents helped me with that and how they compared me to my sister
formed my nervous habits of mind.
I had a challenging time with standardized testing in middle and high school. I failed the
reading
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FSA a few times and was often below average. My dad always had grand expectations of
me growing up. He would compare me to my sister, and he would do this by expecting the same
grades, to take the same classes, and to join the same clubs. My sister is perfect in school was
always above average and 3rd in her class. I was not happy doing this, and I was not doing good.
I would often avoid my responsibilities, so I did not have to do the work. In my mind, I was
holding myself to the same standard, and if I did not meet, then I would disappoint my dad and
think I was not good enough. I knew I was doing this because I would be very self-critical when
I did not get good grades or do good in the club.
When I started to go to therapy in high school, I realized my fixed habits with school and
life that came from the accident and my dad comparing me to my sister. These things do not
benefit me anymore, so I must change are self-sabotaging when I avoid work because I am
simply lazy. Thinking I can get stuff right the first time and expect perfectionism. I understand
my emotions better, and I do this by researching my brain. Why my brain has certain habits and
how they formed from my childhood. Understanding my brain has let me be more empathic to
myself. I know that I can form small, realistic goals for a habit I want to form for me to do better.
To conclude, I know that negativity happens in life, and I can do nothing to avoid that.
So I can learn ways to cope with my emotions, and I learned from the harmful habits I have
formed. These events harmed my habits of mind, but I was about to use them to help me.